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#Now with audio#Cause when I posted this last night I realized Youtube ate it#Probably because it was like no but really why do you want to upload this#And you know i dont know#Like i said the first time i posted this it's sort of like an audio diary for me to listen back to at some point i guess#Anyway for the 0 of you who care#This was all originally done with voice memos on Discord#And so I had to record all of those memos with Audacity to be able to make this#Because you cant download them off Discord 🙃#So this took a fuckin eternity to put together#Woo boy#Oh and theres 2 points where the audio skips I think#One before Still Ill and one...at another point#Discord ate those voice memos so#Sorry about that#the smiths
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I know that we got plenty of options as to how everything with the Ender King is going to go down, but a thought that has not left my mind was the idea of the Ender King downing qPhil in some way and taking him away. Which means there would be a chat message for all to see :)
For example :)
#qsmp#qsmp philza#this could be better or worse depending on how many people qPhil tells about the whole mess (itll probably be 0 tbh)#cause if he tells no one#not even his kids#then it will be a gut punch#like pov you are chayanne and tallulah#you just lost your godfather in Tubbo#you may have just lost someone who really cares for you in Bad#and you gotta hold onto your dad right? if something was wrong he would have told you right? he promised to not keep secrets right?#and now hes gone without a word#was the Ender King that much of a threat that he could take your dad without any hint that it could happen? or were there just signs#that you missed. that you could have seen and stopped. you could have saved your dad but you didnt. why didnt you notice him change?#and to a lesser extent there is also the gut punch to fitmc#pov you are fitmc#phil promised to keep you updated on all the hallucination stuff and hasnt said anything to you about it in a long time#thats a good sign right? itd be bad if the Ender King was real and came to help phil anyway#he had some crying obsidian appear in his inventory? clearly the admins are messing with him it couldnt be anything#and now hes gone#and you find out that he was hiding things from you from his children#there were more messages more hallucinations#why didnt he tell you?#did he not trust you? hes right to do it but you thought he trusted you with this at the very least#and now#what do you do?#you dont even know where to start in looking for him#did he really trust you that little?
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20/10 stars little guy
#me (scrounging undetected autist whose ideal fashion sense is ''if i have to be seen at all: shrouded'') seeing encanto the other month.....#and on top of it all i LOVE slice of life. encanto being so focused on What It's About that there's so much of that + character / dynamic#also part of what i loved abt pixar luca. ppl like ''simple story but not a problem :)'' like YEAH thank god it's Also so slice of lifey#2021 what a year lol. though again i only Just saw encanto....tfw Studio Creative Control backs off a bit more than usual: Joy & Wonders#anyway i knew going in bruno wasn't an antagonist (fine if he was though b/c slay & b/c scapegoats can do whatever they want)#knew i'd love him b/c again Scapegoat shows up & i'm the Amazing Showstopping Totally Unique Never The Same gif on loop#but what a delight even beyond those expectations lol. love again how Focused the movie is on What It's About & Thee Points it makes#the Characters / Dynamics & the Metaphor & the plot stays right with all of that. the focus & importance re: thee scapegoats....#& bruno being disabled like whole layer of Yay Yay Yay spamming. that even when He's Back we're reminded he's not ''normal now'' or w/e#(i.e. presenting that as The Good Ending for the disabled outcast. vs just being embraced as part of the group again & accepted As He Is)#meanwhile was like hmm chat is there queercoding do we think? like is he queer: Yes. but is there coding? hmm#sure isn't cishet coded though. but i was also having the thought like fellas is it gay to [higher tenor tessitura or w/e] lol#made me go ''do i know this voice? ok do i know this name / face / actor? (i have never seen anything ever / bad w/names/faces/voices)''#indeed was like yeah haven't seen this; heard of this; seen it once ages ago no way i remember more than like 0.6 details#then from ''ohh haha I'm A Mammal That Cares....yeah i hear that'' to ''omg CHI-CHI RODRIGUEZ???? ;;0;;'' waaah fantastic revelation lmao#also the way Literal Future Seer ability was externalized to make it more wrangleable for plot is so impressive & fun & excellent#got a lot of [i like this thing i saw a lot] i got to say....guess i can do that w/the sideblog i made for one drawing i made last night#encanto 2021#bruno madrigal#also the way bruno is so Nervous + Hiding / Bold + Big Personality like yes ha ha ha Yes....tamped down as ''too much'' experience#also the [stuttering stumbling muttering mumbling] line: i fr nigh wept upon going back over a moment like what am i hearing here?#& realizing the answer was: it's bruno quietly stuttering a moment during this one line (& then (& then (& then)) i saw you) ;;;mm;;;#hang onnn....the first scapegoat who's driven off being Disabled is so real so ;m; that again they're like so he got Weirder; Okay ;;m;;#that we get jorge thumbs up nobody having an Aside to be like [ugh; this guy] or Anything. augh always have too much to say for 30 tags#fabric drape there sure not accurate but i was like okay if i try to really reference that i'm not getting this done tonight
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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain “X character has Y thoughts and Z behaviors” there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
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Hearing people say that Wolfgrace was so forced in Chapter 1 as someone who's been shipping them since the prologue is so hilarious because like brother the crumbs were always there?? Wolfgang was obviously positioned as a pivotal character to the story since the beginning but Grace was also shown to be more significant than the others alongside him, just like Eva was with Damon. It seemed very likely (to 15 year old me at least) that Wolfgrace would be our rival duo to Evamon.
Just like Damon and Eva, Wolfgang and Grace are close to each other in the promotional material. They're together in Chapter 0 title screen. They're next to each other on the train and the first people to meet after being kidnapped (they're also the first two characters we get properly introduced to). Grace is very much plays a significant role in the trial along with Wolfgang. Hell, when Wolfgang has his speech where he ensures that none of them will succumb to the killing game to defy Tozu, Grace is the FIRST person to back him up, lending her voice to reassure the rest of the group even after being shot at moments prior (note to self but I find it cute how he was able to snap her out of her paralysis and give her strength in a moment she felt absolutely vulnerable). And that's not mentioning their multiple moments of banter and admittedly very catty back and forths: Wolfgang referring to her as "Grace" when getting frustrated with her picking on Toshiko after multiple scoldings, Grace getting annoyed with him for hitting her with the "that's personal information" in regards to when he started college, them getting too sidetracked arguing to focus on the fact that they literally got kidnapped, Grace waking up from her daze to interrupt him during the trial before completely taking over the debate and then hitting him with the "use your brain mate" even tho he made an argument that was literally agreeing with her (that still makes me giggle like girl he was taking your side why 😭 the way he folded immediately too lol). And that's just the moments in the game I can recall off the top of my head. I'm not even touching on the Wolfgrace New Year's Eve art or the official 2024 Valentine's day art where Wolfgang is shown holding a bouquet meant for Grace (evidenced by the rabbit encased in a heart).
Like, Grace and Wolfgang have ALWAYS been a thing. It was never a matter of if, but when that would be explored more clearly in game. I was pleasantly surprised that they went third base in Chapter 1, but that was only because I fucking thought Wolfgang wouldn't fucking die FIRST 💀💀 It seems like people can wrap their heads around Evamon being a thing and that it was very much natural for their characters, but somehow struggle with accepting that Wolfgrace is the same despite it being very parallel to them. I can accept not shipping or liking them, but there's a difference between something being forced and you just NOT reading the room-- guess which one is the case here.
#project eden's garden#p:eg#p:eg spoilers#wolfgang akire#grace madison#wolfgrace#golfgang#evamon#love how i theorised wolfgrace and evamon being in opposition to each other only for it to become canon and crash and burn right after BROO#15 year old me would fucking lose it like COME ONNN (that was a brillaint move narrative wise but man it's 28 stab wounds to the heart 😭)#i actually didn't realise how fucking sassy wolfgang was in chapter 0 like goddamn dude 💀#anyway i feel like wolfgrace is likely going to have more significance character wise than it will have narrative wise#which is perfectly fine by me since i do care more about the characters than i do the plot#the way grace has been said to have burned all bridges and relationships and friendships on her journey to the top#and how wolfgang has been implied to have a father who was a horrible husband and dealing with the horror of taking after him#and the both of them putting it all aside for a single night to give each other a comfort they can't find anywhere else AHGASJGBSM#i fucking adore the vulnerability between them and the way they find comfort and intimacy in each other while living in fear of dying alone#the way they connect and grow closer in such little time because there's no time to even take things slow in their situation#that they could've-- WOULD'VE-- bonded so much more and so much longer in another timeline yet it never being meant to be in this one AGHHH#SOMEONE SEDATE ME GODDMAN IT#i need that relationship explored while allowing them to remain independent characters sooo bad#if i see another person hating on wolfgrace or saying it was forced just know i'm exploding you in my mind#momento rambles
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the quiet place game sucks ass, they really said how many misogynistic tropes can we shove into one game? and didn't wait for an answer
#even in the apocalypse all women are good for is just having babies#OR they can be the overbearing bitch mother in law who hates her son's gf and only cares about baby. good job team!#woman can only become strong for baby. before that she's useless#also the gameplay just sucks its so boring you can go almost 30min of playtime without encountering anything at all#but ugly ai posters lol#shame bc i do think this could be a good concept for a stealth game. but. they didnt even do that part right#anyways the trope of 'wow.... pregnant in the apocalypse... let's name her Hope' is one of my least favorite of all time#getting pregnant is like worst case scenario. it's a horror story. but they're always like wow....... how beautiful............#nevermind the woman is going to have 0 access to any kind of natal care and will probably die#already malnourished and ill and now you have to carry a baby too.... stupid stupid stupid lol#this whole storyline is just so tired and unimaginative. abort that thang
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whats fun about barry as a protagonist vs other Morally Complicated Guy Shows is that he seriously has no ambition lol, his wildest dreams arent like becoming super rich or relishing in holding power over people, like all he wants is simple happiness, maybe career success, normal life stuff, his wildest dreams are like…. being able to have a wedding. having a kid or two. and theres something reasonable about that, it makes him relatable for a while until the show is very clearly like No dude, that is a fucking serial killer, you should not gaf! and you’re like oh right lol. it’s crazy to make such a simple desire seem so malicious but still human
#like the true success of the show is that he feels just as entitled as walter white even though what he wants is so much smaller#L + serial killer + you’re a war criminal + you’re abusive + kys#barry#but i think it threads the line a little where by s5 of brba i had 0 care for walt i did not feel any emotional attachment#and tbh by the end i didnt even find the whole corruption arc interesting because he was just so painfully malignant and annoying#but barry wants sooooo little. and he’s sooooo stupid. and hes soooo arrested development 15 year old boy#that it still manages to be compelling and he still manages to feel like a human being#not a knock on brba which is incredible television obviously just doing different stuff#idk. something about how it’s tragic but also held at an appropriate distance so as to be laughed at too#like: the irremovable mark doing violence leaves on you.. the inescapability of it… IS sad! it’s sad#and most often IS the result of social conditioning and masculinity constructs and your dads friend grooming you etc#but it’s not the prime sadness. which would be of course the victims of that violence#like. duh#walter my reaction is just. Well i wouldnt do that. I would never choose to do that so who cares#but with barry. all he wants is to not be defined by the hurt he has caused. which is something everybody wants!#but the extents of that hurt are so extreme and are teased apart so well in the show. like theres 0 apologia just exploration#anyway if im doing brba comparisons barry is literally todd
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#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#everysanji#return to sabaody archipelago#ch601#zoro being so contrarian in this sequence reminds me so much of my one coworker rn#we dont really have a competition but also we kind of do. about who can visit the most lighthouses in a year#its the end of the season we're all pretty much done with traveling for this stuff#but i've seen 18 lighthouses (including ours) and he's seen 17 (including getting our new stamp)#so apparently when our third coworker at the lighthouse mentioned it to him that i've seen 18 this year#coworker 2 went 'hmm maybe i should try and see one more lighthouse this year'#its not that deep. i started from 0 of course i can rack up my stamps pretty quickly#i'm gonna start planning out my lighthouse tour for next year uhm. probably closer to february or smth#depending on what i end up doing for the winter i might even try for some then#anyway? none of you care about this but i've visited 18 lighthouses this summer alone
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Now guys i cant really call myself a kyman enjoyer HOWEVER cartman does have in my very humble opinion one of the most pathethics down HORRENDOUS crushes ive ever seen in my life on kyle
#I cant really ship them bc I CANT see it from kyles side#like I do not like them together like that#it would make me an onesided kyman enjoyer I guess#but like GOD#why ARE you so OBSESSED with HIM#ohh he has a crush on him 100% absolutely 0 doubts#i may be delusional#probably#anyways both cartman + stan have a crush on kyle who definetely does not get a fucking clue nor even remotely cares about that stuff at all#my childs just there having the worst times of his life#god bless#kyman#sp#kyle broflovski#eric cartman#south park
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i love dnd..i love playing heavy utility/support/backfield and i love having three to six attacks in a turn and an insane ac. at heart im a support player ill get my hands on whatever we're missing in a group
#looks at a druid a fighter and a bard fighter. okay cleric time.#i LOVE playing cleric turns out.#though abjuration wizard is still super super fun its a different flavor of support#it's not buffs it's 'i am going to transfer literally all that damage to myself and war caster style succeed my witchbolt concentration'#doing insane amounts of damage while taking damage (+ with temp hp and then just a lot of hp. im taking the tough feat as soon as possible)#aabria iyengar was right these abjuration wizards are craaaazy. but war domain clerics also fuck hard#my abj wiz is very much an experiment in 'what if someone who is not at all suited to this life tries to adapt as well as she can'#the point is that she isn't a cleric. do u understand. she's not a cleric and that's the point it's the. hbbbgbfhb. she's out here#functioning as a combat medic on some aasimar features + healing kits/potions + arcane ward. Look At Me#i also really enjoy playing nonreligious characters in these worlds where deities 100% exist not in a 'fuck the gods' way but in#a way somewhere between 'i'm all i need' and 'i called and no one answered' and 'may or may not go on an insane power hungry spiral and#try to get a touch of godhood' which is in part very due to my own agnostic and people-loving heart and 'haha what if i icarused this girl'#a resentful caution towards gods an immense respect towards religious companions and 'when your god isn't here to help. i will be'#anyway REACTION arcane ward you don't take damage im fine. next turn reaction shield ward's back up. the thing is.#she will drive her hp down. the ward isn't much like it goes past that temp hp. it's 14hp that shit goes down and carries to her hp#but it never drops. any leveled spell puts hp back into the ward. a 1st lvl shield puts it at 2hp and she can use it again#she is not suited for these conditions but my god it is fun to watch. i care her.#i explained that subclass feature to a player that's not in that campaign and said. like. yeah she can take damage. when her ward drops to#0 it carries to her. any leveled abj spell puts it back up. and she can use it and drive her hp down again.#do u understand what i am explaining to u! do you get it! she is and has always been a punching bag!#she was a very valuable asset to the army and the group she was drafted! into. because when she's there. people just don't fucking go down#aside from her. aside from her. AAAAH. she's so cool. she is very smart i am still riding the high of critting every turn w witchbolt and#reacting to ward a party member against a crit that would have dropped him by taking the hit herself. and she didn't break concentration#badass
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why is like every single gwuncaner insanely misogynistic and racist to courtney like their life depends on it.
like if you're bawling your eyes out about a fictional teenager that just so happens to be a woc being abusive then turning around and closing your eyes when the white guy she abused (was in a pretty mutually toxic relationship with) is similar amounts of fucking weird to two different girls get your priorities checked.
like honest to god i could not care less what characters other people on the internet like to play dolls with and imagine kissing i just think its in super poor taste to say omfg i fucking hate courtney total drama shes (insert weird racially charged language. insert comparing real human beings who like a fictional character to insects and saying you want to kill them) ok man. what. get help.
dislike or like whatever you want HONESTLY. I DO NOT CARE. im not 12 years old and i could not care less if you prefer a different fucking made up scenario where fictional characters kiss. at the end of the day literally 0 of this ship war fucking matters i promise you, i just want a similar energy back and not combination misogyny and racism fuled remarks towards the liking of a FICTIONAL FUCKING CHARACTER. THAT DID ZERO THINGS TO ANY REAL LIFE FUCKING PERSON.
Harassment of any real life fucking person about anything that they like in fiction is way more harmful than whatever happened in fiction that theyre defending. LOL!
#draft from last night#ps talks#posts that make me sound like im defending proshippers when i dislike those guys as much as the next person#i am just extremely extremely EXTREMELY anti harassment. bc im someone that cares about human beings lives#and i care about my ability to ignore randoms and made fun of them to my friends in dms when i see smth i dont like. lol#anyways wutevz. bawling my eyes out bc i dont like when people are meanies. sad face#its also not lost on me that a ship with a woc is immediately labeled as bad by these people. yeah lets replace her w some white ass bitch#i love weird white ass bitch x weird white ass bitch who have 0 morals or personality in common. true love❤️#SORRY IM HATING SO BAD. like seriously ship whatever you want but dont do it in front of me if its gwuncan bc im#gonna vomit all over you. sorry. just how it goes. hope you understand
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your room was square
i once noticed from there
in your bed, as you slept
and i held my breath
everything had its own place
and i wondered what space would i take
in the order you kept
#in this drawing i wanted to use the song ‘Square’ by Mitski#personally i feel like this song is about being in love and trying far too hard to be the perfect lover that you are incapable of being#to me it’s like trying to see where you fit in that person’s life and not knowing where you belong in it#but then you’re still longing for that feeling of belonging there with them#so you self-destructively go to great lengths to ‘earn’ your place with them#i feel that the self-destructive behavior of trying to be that perfect lover just to ‘earn’ their love#is exactly the ‘burning’ that Mitski describes#it hurts trying to fit in but not quite succeeding again and again and again...#this is something that i think i relate to#trying far too hard to belong with someone who is 'only sometimes madly in love with me'#and says that i 'wouldn't be their first choice'#-that person kept switching between wanting me as a friend and a lover and now i am neither#and yet therein lies the problem: if i cared less and gave less effort#perhaps we could’ve worked things out without me trying too hard to “earn” their love#but why would i ever try to care less?#the situation was doomed from the start and i lost a friend in the process#i made this illustration to reflect that the best i could. I think the square motif was particularly obvious—#the canvas itself is a square and the illustration itself has to fit in a square box#everything else i drew would have to fit within this box to maintain the “order”#the colors are all some type of blue with not too much contrast except for the text eyes and teardrop on the figure#i wanted to keep contrast low within this illustration— everything should be “fitting in" after all#for the figure itself i wanted it to be clear that the figure is being forced into that square#its body’s being forced into that half of the box and even then its head is forced downwards#it’s clearly not fitting comfortably but it’s sure trying its hardest to#also also also!!! i wanted to do more angular shapes with this drawing because square and whatever lol :P#i don’t think i was particularly obvious in communicating that in the drawing though#but anyways i just wanted to draw to help process something that happened to me a while back :0#i still think i love that person but just like how i don’t have a place in their life#i don’t think they have a place in mine and i think i’m starting to make peace with that :D#jaevyart
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#periodical life updates#eurgh. hiiii im so tired just got home from the family gathering thing im. exhausted hkjfh. and i still gotta draw the eca#still gonna be quiet for a while sorry gang <3 anyway lets not talk about any of that hdkjf ARTFIGHT THEME REVEAL!!#you'll never guess which team jace ''kellystar321'' starlight is choosing for seafoam vs stardust hfjkh#*gestures at my oc list* but also. what if i dont CARE anymore hfjkhf obviously i want to draw for people! its my favorite part! but like.#GODDD i dont care about my ocs anymore!! :') ive always been more of a fandom guy i dont... /want/ art of my ocs?#like yeah obviously agent my beloved! alexandria my beloved! eca has a whole daily blog! but my actual interest in them is sooo low.#there's so many people on artfight who LOVE their ocs like their children. their ocs are their blorbos!! but my ocs are like nothing to me?#i like fandom characters :'0 i would not be as excited to see art of my characters as someone else would be who actually likes their ocs!!#people should focus more on drawing art for people who CARE about their ocs. because if /I/ don't care about my oc and /YOU/ don't care#about my ocs then WHOS FLYING THE PLANE HJFSD no but theres ZERO ENJOYMENT coming out of it you get me? it doesnt make sense to draw for me#BUT ALSO. for silly ''i dont like seeing them all greyed out/hidden :('' reasons i dont want to archive them and hide them from everyone#/BUT ALSO./ i DON'T WANT ART OF THEM. ATTACK SOMEONE ELSE PLEASE. SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT THEIR CHARACTERS hfjkfh urgh.#like hey sorry i dont? care enough about the guys i made up? can you draw reader or kim k!tsuragi instead? thank you. hdjhfg;;;#also ive been. so tired :'> how much will i even be able to do this year? every year i gain more targets to attack because i keep meeting-#new friends all the time. i have some people from lgbt club im attacking this year! my stickmin friends. avm friends. my hell gang hkhg#my hlvrai friends and my longtime mutuals and MY BUREAU OF BALANCE GANG... not to mention revenges from last year :'>#its a lot. and im so tired;;; so. im not sure. i'd still like to join for my 8th year of artfight but damb. i dunno. :'> <3#okay thats all GOTTA DRAW AN ECA GOODBYE I LOVE YOU!!
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me: people don't seem to hear me when I say I've tried everything to get a job. I've been doing this for over 6 months now. I promise you there is not an avenue I haven't explored. I've reached out to nonprofits and the government for emergency funds. I've applied to gig works and retail. I have an upwork. I've tried finding freelance opportunities. I've applied for jobs in-person, hybrid, and remote. I tailor my resumes and cover letters. I'm active on linkedin. I've done more work, put in more effort, studied harder, and talked to more people on this job hunt than I did for any actual job I've had or when getting my college degree. I haven't received a piece of advice I haven't already tried in months. I'm actually really sick of getting advice for this reason. the unsolicited advice makes me feel like people aren't listening and I get really mad when someone not only suggests something I've tried, but something that only a moron wouldn't have tried at this point.
the crisis line worker I'm texting: That sounds really hard and frustrating. Have you tried looking for remote work?
#my diary#I don't have the screenshots cuz it only got worse and I ragequit but when I tell you this is nearly verbatim#I'm understanding why mad means insane now I genuinely feel like I'm going to explode#it's interesting cuz I saw an interaction in the group chat earlier today that reminded me of this phenomenon#where when people vent they do it for one of two reasons: to be heard or to be helped#most people respond with help and when you want to be helped that's fine#but when you just want to be heard jumping straight to solutions and advice can feel like a disconnect and like the helper isn't listening#or doesn't care#and I'll be honest I had to manually learn this I'm a chronic advice giver who had to learn how to deal with people who just want a listene#I texted the stupid crisis people because I *thought* I just wanted to be heard and listened to and not problem-solved#and I know this stupid divide exists so I was very up-front with 'I don't need solutions#in fact unsolicited solutions will just piss me off'#I don't need to troubleshoot why I'm unemployed I'm unemployed because America is fucking broken and I'm a piece of shit DEI with no networ#so you can imagine how frothing-at-the-mouth blind with rage I must feel right now#reaching out to a crisis line for help#front-loading the conversation with 'please do not give me advice I don't want it and I promise you have nothing new to offer'#and then getting what was actually such breathtakingly stupid advice I had to read it four times to really register it as real#anyway thanks for nothing lady I feel even worse now#this in the wake of really obnoxious advice from a friend earlier#it came from a good place but it betrayed a level of obliviousness to any situation outside of their own that just left me feeling tired#and challenging it would have just made it sound like I'm just making excuses#like all of this is my fault somehow#like I'm not dedicating the majority of my free time to applying for jobs and adding to my portfolio and practicing job interview questions#you're so right bestie it's my fault for not just applying for jobs online (I do)#or insist on getting relocation assistance in the mountain of job offers I'm apparently receiving (0)#80 applications I've clearly learned nothing maybe I SHOULD kill myself#I hate this I hate what this bullshit is doing to me and what it's turning me into#doing all of this during puberty 2 too? I'm so fucking ANGRY#and being so angry all the time is just pissing me off even more!!!!!!!!!#gonna go smash my head against the concrete floor for a few hours I guess
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Hrmm... put together a roommates quiz finally after years of thinking it would be an interesting idea lol.. Though obviously not meant to be taken super seriously, I just like thinking about this aspect of personality compatibility. Like yeah, maybe you could get along with someone just chatting with them, but living together is such a different thing. .. curiouse...
#Not that I think that many people would really care since I barely know anyone on tumblr in real life and would never live with random#internet strangers lol but... idk.. I made this to give to friends from time to time and thought... why not post it here too#just out of sheer curiosity if anyone takes it what the most common results would be and etc.#My initial assumption is that most people would probably fall into the 'maybe' category and that either extreme of 'best roomates'#and 'worst roomates' would be the least common#very long also since I like to be thorough I guess#THOUGH... upon second thought... tumblr is home of the like Weird Introverts Who Sit Inside All The Time.. so maybe it's more#likely to come across compatible poeple on here. given that many of the questions are about how meticulous#people are with their scehdules or how often they invite friends over or if they like to mostly stay inside etc.#(since personally I think having a roommate coming and going and bringing random people over all the time would be too chaotic#lol... I need a peaceful quiet household)#Also I kind of don't like the way uquiz seems to do results. I was hoping it would be a number tally? I used some sort of quiz making site#before where you weight the question responses with a number (so the 'Best' response is worth a 0#The worst is worth like 5 points. and all the in between are like 1 - 4 points or something). So then it is actually possible to have a#''perfect score'' category (someone who gets a literal 0 points). and also you could weight some EXTREMELY bad answers#to add like +10 to the score instead of just +5. And someone who got the MAX possible points would be the WORST compatibility. etc.#But uquiz seems to just be like ''which category did you score towards the MOST'. So someone can give some pretty bad answers#that are VERY non compatible. but as long as MOST of their answers landed in a 'compatible' category#then they would still be listed as compatible despite still actually having some dealbreakers in there. Which is also possible with the#'every answer is a number amount' ranking system too. but I feel like that one does allow for a little more customization#and accuracy (like making the dealbreakers add like...+40 to the score or something so that#there's basically NO way that someone could answer with one of those and still get a good score. Or the ability to have a literal#'perfect score' (getting a zero) etc.#BUt anyway lol... inchresting.. inchresting... curious to consider maybe making a uquiz#for the characters in the gameI'm making like.. which npc are you type quiz or something#now that I've made one and seen how it works.. hrmm hrmm....#(< game will not even be done for like another year but still thinking about nonsense like this lol)
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finally have an actual job so maybe I can stop being a hermit and get officially divorced and feel sort of financially stable and possibly try dating again and get a cat ??? is that allowed? no I probably shouldn't unless I get a bigger place and can have two cats to be friends
downside is when the fuck am I supposed to draw dumb comics if I'm working for hours and hours a day? Hell and suffering on earth. maybe i should get an iPad or a whatthefuck ever and draw on the commute so I don't lose even more of my meager art skills
#personal bullshit#i have never had what is traditionally considered a Real Job#this is my first 8 to 4 type job#tbqh if i could have just done teaching assistant work without the whole grad student shit that would have been cool#but i just couldn't anymore#no one there helped me when i needed it#a super huge fuck you to all of the mandatory training i had to do re: intimate partner violence and abuse#well anyway it's fucking done and who cares if i wasted 8ish years of my only life (:#now i get to help people make babies#which is not at all what i thought i would do#but hey at least it feels meaningful#and i get to wear scrubs all the time which is nice because they're kind of shapeless and make me look slightly more masc esp with binding#wonder if i could donate oocytes#im sure as fuck not gonna use them#might be too old tho#give bad eggs#also might have too much testosterone in my system now#0 idea how that works except at some point they expect me to stop menstruating#but my dumb reproductive parts are too strong too powerful will not be stopped by some pitiful exogenous T#anyway i really need to try to sleep#and stfu#but yeah maybe i can think about moving and getting 2 cats
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