#Anyway I think I'm getting the hang of these characters! Pretty proud of this actually!! ^J^

[musedeluce]

Exhaustion

Love and Deepspace Headcanons - You're so tired, all you want to do is sleep and go to see them. They're in the same situation.

A/N: Canonically, in the game we have a motorcycle hence the assumption the MC has their own transportation. Assume they're wearing the proper protective gear and that it's easy to get off XD (Though I know biker gear can be quite hard to actually take off. Just go with it pls lol) Brought to you by me being tired as hell, and thinking it would be nice to be able to go to someone and rest. ^J^

Tags/Warnings: Fluff, exhaustion, loneliness.

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Work had been rather grueling, long, and tedious, all in one, and there was still more to do. Sighing internally, you shot off a text in order to sadly, cancel the plans you had to visit. It looked like you'd have to stay at least an extra 10 hours, due to extremely unforeseen and urgent circumstances for the Hunter's Association.

Your final message felt inadequate to convey the warmth and happiness you felt knowing that he wanted to see you as much as you wanted to see him. Bolstered, the rest of the shitshow was just a bit easier to deal with as you had something to look forward to.

Wind whipping around you, the ride was something you needed. The sense of freedom, the speed, the music and the lights all gave you a sense of solace as you headed towards your destination.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Xavier

You appreciated the irony as the elevator passed your floor and stopped at his. As you approached his door, you finally let yourself feel the exhaustion weighing down on you. Your body felt heavier, and it took more effort to move. Sleepiness hovered just beyond consciousness, and you fought it off. Looking at your watch, you sigh. 3:07, your estimate had been right on the money.

Still, despite how tired you were, you did want to see Xavier, even if this visit would probably just amount to you sleeping over.

Knocking to make Xavier aware of your arrival, you're just about to enter the door code, when it opens and Xavier stands before you, his arms open for a hug.

Wordlessly, you accept his invitation, hugging him tightly. His embrace is firm, warm and comforting and you can't help but relax into him.

"I thought you'd be asleep." You murmur softly, hugging him just as tightly.

"I woke up when I heard your bike." He nuzzles his face into your neck. "It's the signal for your arrival after all." Reluctantly, he breaks the embrace as you pull away to take off your shoes and put your satchel, helmet and jacket on one of the hooks. He makes his way back to his bed, turning to look at you as you follow, undressing down to your underwear.

Collapsing into the soft blankets, you burrow under the sheets with him. Xavier carefully, gently adjusts your position so you lay against him, your head resting on his arm, your back against his chest. Together, you drift off to sleep.

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Sylus

Unsurprisingly, he met you at the entrance to Onychinus Headquarters

"Sweetie, I would have preferred picking you up." Sylus takes your helmet and satchel from you, handing them off to the twins to deal with. "How rude of them to overwork you like this." Normally, you'd respond in kind, a fun playful exchange that flowed naturally. But frankly, you were too tired to really talk.

He gazed at you, taking everything about you in, and after he did so all he did was wordlessly kneel down and support you as he took off your shoes. "You look exhausted, Kitten. Let me help you." Sylus slips your jacket off your shoulders

Providing support, he guides you towards his room. You're absolutely sure that if he thought you'd allow it, he'd pick you up and carry you, but he didn't. You appreciated it as you much prefer to walk on your own, when you can. "I took the time to fluff your pillow

You may be tired, so much so that its obvious that once you relax you'll fall alseep, but you are very good at ignoring it, soldiering though until your body decides to force sleep.

How lucky it is then, that you can go to Sylus and rest, before it comes to that.

Ultimately, you crawl onto Sylus's bed and collapse, and he's not far behind, climbing in with you despite his wonky sleep schedule.

He faces you, pulling your head into his chest and your body flush against him as you both drift off for some much needed sleep. You feel safe and relaxed with his arms around you.

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Zayne

Unfortunately, this was a more common occurrence than either of you would like. Both of your jobs were quite intense and often required long hours.

Still, you both made a conscious effort to make time for each other, even if it ended up being strange hours sometimes. The times he got home before you were not rare, but infrequent, and this was one of these time.

Taking of your gear and shoes as you entered his home, you hoped that he was at least resting, hopefully asleep. It was something he deserved, and right now all you wanted to do was rest with him.

A warm glow cascaded over the room, making you smile. Zayne had left a light on for you.

Padding softly through the foyer, you quietly open the door to his room, making sure the light from outside doesn't disturb him. Much to your relief, Zayne was sleeping peacefully, his handsome face relaxed. He had an unguarded quality about him that you rarely saw.

A rush of affection suddenly overcame you. Carefully, you went over to him and kissed his forehead. As you withdrew, you felt him grab your hand, his eyes still closed. "Stay here" he murmured, his voice gentle and low, hazy with sleep as his hand falls from yours.

You move over to your side, ensconcing yourself in bed, growing cozy and warm with him next to you.

He gravitates towards you, intertwining his legs with yours and nuzzling his head into your neck, and you fall asleep, your eyes gently closing as you're tangled together comfortably.

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Rafayel

The solitary lamplight from Rafayel's studio illuminates the path as you walk up to his door. Although he had given you a key, you knock gently, just in case Rafayel was absorbed in his art.

A small clatter sounds after you knock, and you can't help but feel amused despite the haze of tiredness dulling your senses.

When he opens the door, a playful, soft smile pulls at his lips. "I don't suppose you have any news of my wayward companion?" He steps aside and helps you with your gear and shoes.

"Hmmm I think I have some news. It seems your companion has made it to their destination." Rafayel cleans up the box of paintbrushes he spilled, making sure your path is clear.

"Well! Now that they've arrived, they can't leave for a while. It's mean of them to leave me alone for so long, and so often." His pout is playful, his eyes focused on you as he intertwines his fingers in yours, holding your hand gently, as if it was some priceless thing, something to be cherished and treated with care.

You squeeze his hand as the two of you make your way to his room, his bed looking like the most luxurious, comfortable place in the world despite it really just being a slightly messy, normal bed.

"As much as your wayward traveler loves to explore, I'm sure they love being here too and would always make an effort to return to you." With that, you climb onto bed, letting go of his hand, your exhaustion amplifying the soreness of your body, making every movement take extra effort. As soon as you're comfortable, you open your arms to Rafayel, who had merely just stood beside his bed as you did so.

You open your arms for him, and he joins you in bed, almost clinging to you under the covers, entangling all his limbs with yours and burying his face into your neck, head resting on your chest, near your shoulder. "I missed you." Together you drift of, feeling safe and sound with each other under the covers.

[luvfy0dor]

Bites or Hickeys? Various x GN!Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

Warnings; suggestive, obv biting, hickeys, perhaps ooc,

Fandoms; Bungo Stray Dogs, Death Note, Attack on Titan, Obey Me

A/n; ogs remember when I was purple, but anyways happy 1 year of writing to me!! I'm super proud of my account and I'm so insanely thankful for all the love I've received and acquaintances/friends I've made. Thank you guys so much <3 even tho there have been times where I really thought I'd quit, I kept going and I'm so grateful I did

Bites ★

The feeling of their teeth sinking into your skin makes them feel almost electric, as if a spark has been lit inside their chest and cause an explosion of carnal desire. Some are softer with it, kissing and licking over the imprints of their teeth to soothe the mild pain it might have caused, but others just bite and move on to the next unoccupied spot. They can't help how desperate they are for you and to prove to themselves that they have you, and their affectionate gestures prove that theyre yours. After all, they'd never do the same for anyone else. Ofcourse after the heat of the moment died down, whether they were gentler or rougher earlier, they'd kiss over the indents and whisper soft praises and murmurs about whatever came to mind. Moments like those were their favorites- second to the actual rendezvous, ofcourse.

��� RANPO, Dazai, Akutagwa, Kaji, Twain, Sasha, Zeke, Pieck, MELLO, Belphie, Satan, Leviathan

Hickeys ★

They prefer giving hickeys, sometimes because they think it's classier than biting, and others because they don't want to hurt you by biting too hard. They will, however, make you look just as ravaged, littering your pretty skin with dark, organically shaped marks. Their hands pin your wrists above your head while they suck and lick at your neck, humming as if they were enjoying a meal made by a world-class chef. Their eyes would flicker up to meet yours every now and again, lips curling upwards as they shove one of their knees between yours, allowing you to grind against their thigh while they make quick work of undoing your top and belt. They're far more shameless when they're leaving them along your thighs, so shameless that you almost look like you were bruised- no one was going to see them anyways, so why should they be modest? They'd be lying if they said being able to claim you in such a way didnt turn them on. ♡⁠˖

• fyodor, Sigma, Kunikida, Ango, Mori, Fitzgerald, Fukuzawa, Margaret, Poe, Erwin, Mikasa, Reiner, Historia, Lucifer

Both! ★

They simply can't choose, whether adorning your neck and thighs in dark, dotted half-moons or burgundy splotches, they can't get enough of you. They usually leave them in concealed places, but sometimes it's so difficult to not mark you up all over, especially when you're writhing underneath them and clinging to them like a vice because their lips and mouth just feel that good. You'd intertwines your fingers in their hair, pulling them closer or tugging them away when you're lying breathlessly in the wrinkled and messy sheets. They'd ask you if it's too much, rubbing circles into the sides of your hips with a wide, cheeky grin. God, you looked so good underneath them, all bashful and shy with your eyes half lidded and your lips slightly agape. Your labored breaths and quiet sighs were like music to their ears, so really, how could they choose just one when they could give you both and double the fun? ♡⁠˖

• NIKOLAI, Chuuya, yosano, bram, Oda, Atsushi, Lucy, Mushitaro, Tecchou, Tachihara, Eren, jean, Connie, Armin, Hange, maybeee levi, Ymir, Matt, Matsuda, Misa, im torn between both and neither for L, Mammon, Asmo, Beel

Neither ★

They prefer not to leave a physical mark on you, but rather give you a good time to remember them by. A mark will fade quicker than a memory. ♡⁠˖

• Nathaniel Hawthorne, Light, Jouno

A/n: hey chat I didn't realize today was my anniversary so I kinda speedran the characters, it might not be SUIUUPER in character so I'm sorry 😞

[mythicmanuscripts]

Hey, Sea! I'm kinda crazy about your work and I'm always sooo happy when there are new posts from you. I love the way you write the characters, it's so delicate, sweet and just amazing! And truth be told, I came for sub!aemond, but now I'm so hooked up on sub!aegon

In one of your previous posts you said something that made my mind spiral: himbo!aegon. Now I just need to read something, anything about it, if it's not too much to ask

This is so funny to me because I too started writing for sub!aemond and then ended up hooked on sub!aegon so I'm glad to hear others are in the same position.

I have plenty of asks with Aegon angst, which is absolutely brilliant we all know I love torturing the lad, but I think this could be the perfect ask to actually have some happy Aegon? So there will be happy subby himbo!aegon below the cut! Oh and I've made himbo!aegon a tag so that we can discuss it more!

So firstly, very early in your marriage to Aegon you discover that he just functions better when he has instructions to follow? At first this confuses you so much because you've seen how angry and irritable he gets when Allicent orders him to do something, and yet when you do it he almost seems relieved?

It takes a long time for Aegon to talk to you about Allicent and about how she affects him, but eventually he explains that Allicent just has this way of speaking to him and instructing him that makes him feel inferior and stupid? She will purposefully insult him while giving him an order, breaking his confidence and self image down enough that he doesn't trust his own thinking.

But then with you, you're so sweet about it? You listen to him and you help him and you praise him when he does as you ask. You never, ever, make him feel useless or stupid and you always make sure to show him how proud you are of him.

So when you smile at him and ask him to do something, he doesn't even consider disobeying? He's almost giddy as he runs back to you to tell you that he's done as you asked. You always praise him and give him a kiss and him feel so so good, so of course he listens to you!!

His mother is wholly incapable of understanding this by the way.

Anyway, so you quickly realise that Aegon really does function better when you instruct him. You first realise this at your wedding when you ask him for something, and the way he absolutely BEAMED at you when you thanked him and said he was perfect? You immediately knew you'd have to look more into this.

Pretty soon you’ve got Aegon wrapped around your finger and honestly he is loving it. Aegon thrives on feeling owned? He absolutely loves being able to refer back to you for guidance, loves being able to slip onto your lap whenever you two are alone and nibble on your collarbone and ear while you explain what you think he should do. It’s the freely given affection that makes him feel so so special and allows him to let his walls down enough that being told what to do no longer feels insulting.

Of course this works in the bedroom too, but that you knew from day one. The moment you gave Aegon the smallest pushback, he relented and when you responded by taking charge, he was completely enamoured and never looked at another again. It’s like you just claimed him and he’s so so pleased with it.

For a while he tries to not seem as reliant on your guidance as he actually is because he’s scared you’ll see him as too weak if you knew the truth. He’ll ask your opinion on something in passing and try to act all nonchalant about it, but in truth he’s hanging onto your every word because he’s not sure what to do and he knows he can trust you.

Eventually when he realises that he can be more open about it and you’ll never tease him or patronise him, well then you pretty much rule the seven kingdoms. He puts you on his small council, and while you don’t always say much in the meetings, Aegon can tell by your expressions what you think of things and when you do speak, it’s always impactful.

The other members of the small council were originally uncertain about him adding you but after one meeting they were to glad he did. It’s like you’re able to perfectly toe the line between understanding Aegon and also understanding what the realm needs. Aegon doesn’t snap when you steer him in a different direction, so the small council is very very grateful (except Allicent but thats not exactly new or surprising).

Also, Aegon isn’t just a himbo because he’s obedient and pretty and little dumb, he also LOVES his wife. He’s considered to be the most in love king in history. The whole of the seven realms knows how much King Aegon loves his queen, and how important it is for them to get on your good side.

If Aegon had it his way, court would be held with you sitting on the iron thrown and him across your lap, his legs dangling over the side of the thrown. Of course you don’t allow this during court because he needs to maintain some semblance of control in front of the noble lords and ladies, but when everyone finally leaves then he jumps off the thrown, waits for you to sit down and gets back on the thrown, this time across your lap. You hold him and have a little debrief.

The first time you suggested a debrief, Aegon had rolled his eyes and refused. But your tone was firm, and you both knew he’d never tell you no when you spoke like that.

And now he absolutely loves the debriefs. Irrelevant of whether you were at court that day or not, Aegon always starts with telling you everything that happened and venting about whatever he needs to vent about. One of the many things Aegon loves about you is how you can joke with him? When he insults a member of court you respond with an even funnier insult. More than once you’ve had to grab him to stop him from falling off your lap from laughing too hard.

Then he gets to hear your thoughts on everything and he’s so so thankful that the two of you seem to just speak the same language? He always knows exactly what you’re doing about and why, you can just explain things in a way that he absolutely loves.

So yeah, himbo!aegon!!

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Thinking of a modern AU when the kids get to be kids after it's all over and they go to the movies, they play games, hang out, all that. And of course, Steve drives them everywhere. He vouches for them in front of their parents, watches them like a hawk, tries to tell them about the adult stuff he's learned so far and chases Robin and Nancy to give them info on uni application and the things he feels he's too dumb for. Still, when Robin and Nancy are away and one of his kids needs something, he'll grab that legal document and either stare at it long enough to get a migraine or begins hounding the smart people who stayed in Hawkins (Mr. Clarke is Steve's go-to person and Mr. Clarke won't say it, but he's so proud of Harrington's progress).

So, Steve's life is basically nonstop work and babysitting (with lots of complaints and grumbling from the teens), they ask him to drive them somewhere and he'll bitch about it, sure, but he will get up after 4 hours of sleep and do it anyways. Dustin often reprimands Steve for not taking care of his health, but he doesn't see why.

When Encanto comes out, El really, really wants to see it, and how can Steve say no to her? He drives the whole gang to the movie theatre (some of them stacked on top of each other, some in the trunk on a pile of blankets) and decides to join them. He doesn't really like animated stuff, but Robin loves these movies and he wants yet another reason to call her and talk through the night.

He didn't expect to enjoy the movie so much, but it's colorful and catchy. The songs are nice and the characters are relatable. He makes a lot of mental notes to discuss with Robin. He thinks she will love Mirabel.

And then "Surface Pressure" starts playing and Steve wonders why he suddenly feels like crying. "I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service" hits especially hard. He's just sitting there and feeling incredibly stupid for tearing up at flying glitter-covered donkeys.

When they leave the movie theater, everyone is pretty excited and discussing which characters and songs they liked the most (even if some feel like rolling their eyes at a kids' movie, El's excitement stops them from doing that). They all start discussing to who they relate the most, El feels with Mirabel for being left out and different, even if she actually is the only one who has a gift, Will dares to utter that he really sympathizes with Dolores, Dustin loves Bruno for trying to fix the cracks in Casita.

And then they turn to Steve and someone makes a jab at him, saying he resembles Mariano the most. Steve is ready to shrug it off, there's some truth in that with what happened to his relationship with Nancy, but El just shakes her head and says: "No. Steve is our Luisa."

Everyone goes silent. There's a lot of hmmming and "well, he did get up to drive us when he had a night shift..." and "we could have just biked...". Steve tries to make them feel better about it, joking that he really has nothing better to do, but the drive home is full of whispering, and the party actually diligently thank him when they leave his car.

The next day is Sunday and Steve is ready for his usual routine, making himself busy until someone needs something. But there's a knock on the door to his small apartment and when he opens it, he sees his group of kids, proudly presenting a tray of muffins and two cartons of orange juice.

Out of all of them, it's Mike who speaks up. "Nancy said you often forget to eat breakfast," he states in his usual annoyed tone. "She also said that you like chocolate muffins, so we are here to ensure you don't die from hunger. Now move, I'll get the glasses and plates."

Steve just watches in awe as they swarm his flat, Will smiling at him and producing a DVD of the latest Spider-man movie. "This one was a tip from Robin, she says you haven't seen it yet."

Max is standing in the kitchenette with her cane, watching the pile of meds Steve has to take after his injuries with disdain. "This has to take forever for you to find what you need. Don't argue, I remember how shitty it was for me. Let me help you build a chart and thank me later."

El and Lucas are rearranging Steve's couch and placing pillows in front of the TV so everyone can sit comfortably. El also ensures the blinds are closed so Steve's eyes don't have to fight against the light.

And if that all wasn't more care than Steve has known in years, Dustin grabs his elbow and sits him down, threatening him with violence if he even thinks about working on Sunday.

As the opening titles start, Steve is surrounded by six teenagers in his tiny and cheap flat, chewing on a subpar muffin with an orange juice that probably never saw the actual fruit, and he thinks that there's no greater happiness than this.

[zahri-melitor]

DC Pride 2022:

I didn't particularly like the Damian and Jon story (not in the least because I generally don't get much from the way they're characterised in stories together), but it did crystallise a few things for me about why I find "it's a Pride parade!" stories so unutterably dull.

I'm not going to go into the 'is Pride a riot' debate that I know was everywhere when this issue came out, but I think the thing is...the art never actually LOOKS like a parade to me, as it doesn't hit the right notes.

Where are the Dykes on Bikes at the head of it. Where are the old people who founded this. The history OF the parade is encapsulated in the shape of the parade itself. It's always too young, too sanitised and too twee.

The Nubia and Io story just reminds me I really want to read all the Nubia stuff (I'll get there!)

Connor's story is that awkward line of 'we need you to come out' and 'coming out stories are so formulaic'. Connor, definitely throw that letter in the bin. You absolutely don't actually want to send a letter to your mother about the specific details of what you do and don't want to do with other people physically. The awkwardness in your memory of what you said will never ever go away.

Alysia Yeoh's story is clearly not contemporary (probably mid Batgirl 2016 I think?) because Babs isn't using the Clock Tower when this issue came out. It's...nice. Adult. Slightly tired.

The Jackson Hyde story is cute. I feel it's making Xebel a lot calmer and friendlier than it's usually portrayed but I haven't read enough Aquaman to be definite on that. Hang out with your boyfriend, Jackson!

The Jo Mullein story I need to come back to after I've actually read Far Sector but felt fun.

The Ray Terrill story...is extremely funny if you have actually read Ray and Dinah's 1990s interactions.

What's calculated to make Ray run off to help immediately? Dinah calling for back up!

Dinah. Dinah. Behaving like this is how you had that massive fight with Ollie where he thought you were cheating on him with Ray thirty years ago. (Do it again, it's very funny to me)

Ray: nobody has every shown me affection before Dinah: acts like a human being Ray: dedicates his entire diary to being aimed at Dinah

ANYWAY. Story is fine, the bonus by reading it through a 90s lens is amazing.

The Kate Kane story just being Jacob Kane being proud of Kate made me laugh (I don't actually think you're that supportive, Jacob, but I'm glad you think you are trying to be in your mind). On the other hand it's sweet to frame something through a proud parent.

Tim's story: I laughed realising they'd given this to Travis Moore. They clearly wanted it to be pretty. Nice that they went to Fair Day.

More seriously though: this is very in tune with Tim having other moments of self discovery (To the Father I Never Knew, the first Father's Day with Bruce). Very similar internal monologue.

As I say annually, the Harley/Ivy story is unnecessary. This should be in their own titles.

(Sorry Earth-11, I do not care about you)

And then we get to the only story in the ENTIRE ISSUE with any real grit to it (Kevin Conroy's autobiographical piece) and they slap an advisory warning on the front.

And look, I get why, but also it's so...hmm...we should be able to acknowledge more complicated stories and common narratives without having to warn people. We don't put warnings like that on the front of Lobo (well, aside from the comic being titled 'Lobo'). It should be possible to acknowledge the joys of identity while still reflecting on the past. It's not even anything more than a single slur a bunch of times plus period homophobia and the AIDS crisis. It's not shocking? or surprising? or unexpected?

DC Pride Tim Drake Special #1:

Okay so this is UL reprints plus one new story?

I think the most disappointing thing about the Steph story is that the characterisation doesn't really ring true to any of the characters involved? Steph is allowed to be jealous. Tim's allowed to be avoiding her and shouldn't be getting nagged by everyone to talk to her (especially given the preceding stories and the DC Pride story make it clear Tim and Bernard have been dating for months). It's a cute fantasy but it doesn't feel realistic for the failure points of the personalities of any of the characters involved (Tim, Steph, Conner or Bart), and Cass is once again just used as an adjunct to Steph, rather than someone who has her own independent relationship with Tim.

The art is cute, I even think Tim and Steph did need to clear the air on page, but...it could have used some more grit? Depth? Possibility of things going wrong or people feeling hurt? Less of an ideal fantasy that worked perfectly?

[ad-astra-per-aspera-1389]

This is totally random, but as far as the JONAS (LA) X BTR crossover (either one, really) goes...

Macy's favorite of the btr boys is carlos, because sports, and also bc he's just fun to hang out with. macy seems normal and put together at first, but she loves physical activity, as we know from s1, and carlos (platonically) matches her freak in the places nick doesn't

Stella's favorite is...and isn't james. she's basically that post that's like "you're in his dms. i'm pissing him off, i'm ruining his day" but in the most convoluted way possible, they also, platonically, match each other's freak. all in all, stella would rather spend time with the other girls, and she obviously adores joe, bc he understands her thoroughly, but james is like...the opposite. they understand each other and fucking hate it.

Katie and Frankie deserve the most insane sublot that builds up over time, until their scheme eventually collides with the main plotline and wreaks absolute havoc. they're ten years old and evil geniuses with famous brothers, you know the two of them meeting will bite everyone in the ass in the end.

I do think Nick and Logan would get along, but the thing is, logan is a science and math nerd and nick is a writing and music nerd. they're slightly different species of nerd. but I think nick would get along best with logan and kendall, bc even though they can go off the deep end sometimes, they're easier to handle than carlos and james.

I'm gonna ramble about Kevin and Lucy again bc I want to. it's so hard for me to imagine lucy with like, any other guy, just bc james is clearly gay, and the subplot with her and kendall was a total mess since he hadn't broken up with jo first... Anyway, they're both rockstars, and Kevin had a lot of character development in s2. he's kind, responsible, ambitious, and Lucy is headstrong, confident, and clever. I feel like they'd actually have a very normal relationship timeline compared to a lot of other ships/couples, simply bc by the time they're both in the narrative they're 18/19 and living on their own.

Joe...he would get along best with kendall, not just for the main character energy, but also bc I feel like they react similarly in a lot of situations, but joe is also a little more self-sufficient than kendall is, which isn't a bad thing, and is mostly due to living in la without his parents for a/multiple (depends on crossover fic) summer(s), whereas kendall's always had his mom and friends doing everything together.

Kevin's an interesting one, bc while s1 era kevin would definitely be best friends with carlos, by the time jonas la rolls around he's mellowed out. he's still a little dramatic sometimes, but post-HMA Kevin is very different bc of the responsibility for his brothers he gained over the summer. I feel like he'd sort of keep that older brother role he's grown into, so, besides his relationship with lucy, he's mostly helping clean up the trouble and not cause it. at the same time though, i think he'd get wrapped up in the katie and frankie subplot the most

Joe and Camille would also get along pretty well, mostly bc they have acting in common, with joe wanting advice from camille solely due to her years of experience. she's also easier to talk to than bigger names in the industry, so it's more of leaning on a friend instead of a mentor

Jo and Macy definitely spar every so often, mostly bc jo likes that there's another girl around that she can connect with about physical sports. it's not the same trying to spar with kendall, and now she has someone who's an even match against her.

Mona is one of the few people that aren't afraid to go toe to toe against griffin, given she doesn't work for him, and she's definitely screamed at him for Kelly's sake. gustavo is a little afraid of mona, and rightfully so. she's proud of that.

Still no one likes DZ

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #354

I slept through my phone alarm for 23 whole minutes. And since I only gave myself half an hour to get ready to begin with, I ended up needing to get ready for work in record time. I put my hair in a bun and got dressed and got all my stuff together quickly enough that even though I woke at 8:23am, I was out the door and heading to work by 8:40am.

Pretty proud of myself for that, actually. And I made it to work in time, no problem. Still, I wish that the inside of my head didn't look like this for 17 solid minutes:

...Ultimately, no harm done, though.

I guess I must have really been feeling like crud yesterday; it's not like me to sleep through an alarm. Normally, I wake up at least 5 minutes before my alarm goes off. It's very bizarre.

...Oh well.

Aside from doing the usual things like bagging and labeling breads and rolls, I was also tasked with making scones!! Making scones is a lot like making muffins, except you use the big muffin scoop, and kinda just... splorp them onto a baking tray covered in parchment paper. Like this:

...It's harder than it looks. At least for me, anyways. The dough for the scones is kinda tough; even the giant industrial stand mixer has a hard time mixing it together; the dough tends to kinda just clump around the center of the mixing paddle, and you gotta stop the machine and kinda scrumble it around with your hands a little and then restart it. Otherwise, you get a batter that's blue on the outside and not at all mixed on the inside. Funky and unpleasant, for sure.

But still, I try to level off the scoop even with tough dough. It requires a little more strength to do repeatedly than I currently have. But that's all right. Once all the scone dough is plopped onto the baking sheet, you dust the top with sugar...

...The sugar is hard to see, but it's there, I promise! Haha...

I was so tired after filling up a bunch of cookie sheets with these that I didn't even think to take a picture of them after the first set was done baking. I'm sorry about that. But I did remember to grab some salmon after I got done with my shift. I went home and put it away in the fridge for later use; today, I was supposed to meet with a friend that I made on the friend-making app. This will be the second time we've gotten together for bubble tea at Eggcellent! His name is Ja, and he's got a background in psychology and nursing! And he writes books, too!

...I was really glad that he still talks to me and that he still wants to hang out. Most of the people I've met on this app, sadly, decided to bail shortly after figuring out that I have less than zero interest in casual or quick romance or physical intimacy.

...Actually, I feel pretty intense disgust at the idea of getting romantic or sexual with someone I don't know well. It gives me the heebie-jeebies. Like.

...First of all, I'm not entirely sure I even know what romance is. I go watch movies and cuddle and go out to eat with my friends fairly regularly. I'm there to support them and talk to them and help them through their problems. Like... to me, this is all just friend stuff. This isn't reserved for lifepartners, in my head.

As far as physical intimacy goes... I can't do that with someone unless I know them extremely well – well enough to know without a shadow of a doubt that I can accept them for all that they are. It's not about the gratification of the senses, it's not about consuming the other person or about being consumed by them, and it's not about any exchange of power, the way most other people seem to like to do it. In my head, it's a gift – an act of trust, respect, and vulnerability that can only ever be done if I feel 10,000% safe and certain with the other person. It's only after that sense of trust and safety and thorough knowing occurs that I can feel any desire whatsoever to celebrate with worshipful adoration the vessel that allows their soul to hang out with me in this place. And even then, they also have to want that and to want to reciprocate that before I'll want anything to do with it at all.

I have a lot of barriers between me and developing those kinds of feelings for someone. And I like it that way, because it prevents me from getting closely involved with people who seek only to use, exploit, control, or consume, or abuse me. And it prevents me from getting closely involved with people I'm simply not compatible with, too. And both of these are very good things.

Sadly... I've found that I've been being matched with people who seem to think that “polyamorous” is synonymous with “easy to get in the pants of”. And this is despite the disclaimers that I've put up, saying explicitly that it will take at least 6 months of consistent contact with a person (and my mind has to evaluate them as “safe”, “truthful”, and “genuinely kind” by the time those 6 months elapse) before I'll even be vaguely willing to consider the possibility of any kind of close relationship with them. I guess some people consider this boundary as a challenge to be overcome rather than a statement of fact, and it's fucking lame as hell. And as you might surmise, I'm finding that a decent number of people I've “matched” with fall into that category.

This is all just a really long way of saying that, “I'm overjoyed that Ja didn't bail after it became clear that we're definitely not going to boink anytime soon, if ever.” Because literally almost everyone else bailed after they realized that they're not gonna fucking change my mind about the required conditions.

Basically the only way to get into my pants is to begin talking to me and getting to know me without any initial interest in getting in my pants. I feel like if someone is getting to know me while wanting to get into my pants, then they're getting to know me for all the wrong reasons. Their motives become suspect to me, and if their motives are suspect, my brain will immediately evaluate them as “unsafe”, “untruthful”, and “disingenuous”. And once a person gets that evaluation within my head, it's next to impossible to reverse it. I don't trust easily (despite appearances), and once that trust is broken, it's almost impossible to get it back.

Well anyhoot. I got a bubble tea – houjicha with rose syrup, barley bits, tea jelly, sago, and cream cheese foam!! Want some?

We talked about his novel, and his new method of writing it. And we talked about recovery from abuse and the strides we've both made. And then we started talking about the mechanics of cults (abusive family systems and Nazis and the KKK are all cults, or at very least, cult-like). And then J popped by during his break, and we talked some more about cults and possible ways of fostering community for people in cults who wanna not be in cults anymore (lots of humans are literally hard-wired to choose “community” over “morality”, and that's why these things happen...).

Ja does not seem to feel “threatened” by the presence of J in the same way that other friends I've tried to make have. Thank goodness for that. Thank goodness.

J brought me home after Ja had to go to visit another friend, and then J''s break was over and he had to go back to work. I remembered that I hadn't eaten any solid food yet (bubble tea doesn't count), and it was like 3 or 4pm, so I steamed that salmon I got from the grocery store:

...And then I made a bowl of yums while I waited for the salmon to steam!!!

...I wish I could share any of it with you.

Oh!!! And!!! The dirt specifically formulated for pumpkins arrived today!!

...I hope it works really nicely! I think I gotta get some plant gravel before I can transplant it, though; it came with a weird self-watering pot, I guess??? And I guess it needs gravel in order to work, for some reason.

...I have very little experience with growing things. But I still want our pumpkin friend to thrive.

Speaking of which!!! It's getting a 5th leaf!!! Check it out!!!

...I wonder how quickly I'll have to change it to a bigger pot! Hm!!

Oh, and... our garlic friend is really sprouting up nicely, too:

I wonder how they'll look as they get bigger...!!!

...I'm a little worried, though. Apparently, pumpkin roots can get up to 6 feet deep into the ground, and spread out up to 17 feet from the center of the plant. What if I need a really big pot!!! Oh no!!!

...Well. I found this video of a person growing pumpkins in containers outdoors. So maybe it could work indoors, too. Maybe. Here:

...Maybe it could work. But I'm not sure where in my house I'm gonna put it. And I don't know how I'll prevent my cats from chewing on it...

...Spray the leaves with cayenne pepper, maybe...?

...Sephiroth, I have no idea what I'm doing. So wish me luck, okay...?

Well. I suppose that's about all I've got for today. Thanks for listening to my various prattling, haha...

I love you. And I'm cheering for you to grow and thrive, too. So please stay safe out there. Please make good, kind, and loving choices while you're out and about and doing your things.

I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[theultimatekamehamehavoc]

As I've drawn Kyoko way more times than I ever would have predicted I would, I've learned that drawing her in the category of "done with everything" is extremely entertaining for me and will never get old. Also, drawing Kyoko with Byakuya has also opened my eyes so much and now I adore these two together, butting heads and just interacting. Like, Kyoko and Byakuya antagonizing each other and being intellectual rivals? Spectacular! It is a crime that it too me this long for my brain to comprehend the beauty of their petty potential. But, anyway, it's really amazing seeing the many ways this can be done. For instance, they can be shown as these strategic foils for one another like a battle between two scholars. It can be a complex showcase of their internal struggles and hypocrisies where the two just look at each other and go "At least I'm not as bad as THEM!". Also gotta love the more comedic side of the dynamic too. It's like their strange little creatures dueling one another via slapping each other's hands or using the other's hand and going "Ha! You're hitting yourself" over and over. Like, pettiness with these two is golden. Let them snark at one another and be overly judgmental! Also, it's just really wholesome seeing art of them getting along (which I so gotta do more of sometimes though the sillies are strong) or AHEM "getting along" in which one or the other is just a wee bit annoyed while the other has that cocky smirk, joyous that they bested the other. It's beautiful when Byakuya's the one getting annoyed though it can be equally entertaining seeing Byakuya all proud of himself while Kyoko looks mere minutes away from grabbing the nearest blunt object and chucking it at him, all done with that deadpan expression with a glint of satisfaction after she glances at his crumpled form on the ground. Always a bonus to see Byakuya being put in his place. In regard of the wholesome side though, I'm just a sucker for fluff and that'll never change. It's intrinsically tied to my funky little blood vessels. Plus, seeing these two having a chill hang out together is just neat. There's gotta be some shenanigans in there too though! Shenanigans are always fun to play around with. And, adding some hurt/comfort into the fluff (maybe even the shenanigans), YES!! Two characters who don't think they have much in common but actually have a TON in common getting on the same page to help the other?! Beautiful. Gorgeous. Good fucking food right there. If only I could write Kyoko... rip (I say when all my fics are unfinished and unpublished ;-;) But, anyway, these two have a lot in common, so, seeing them acknowledge that fact and help each other grow will forever be amazing in my heart. Always been into those dynamics where both characters gain something out of it and grow for the better because of the interactions they share, romantic, platonic, or anything in-between. AND, speaking of romance, hell, as of recently, I don't mind seeing them in a more romantic angle. I will still prefer the platonic side but I don't mind the alternative a lot more than I used to. At the end of the day, as long at their both being little smarmy brats towards one another, it's fine and dandy! Though, tldr; no matter how ya look at them, these two are lowkey comedy gold if ya do it right and are pretty cool together. Also, they need therapy. It's not related to their relationship but like, just in general. They need therapy, dang it!

[prismartist]

thoughts on the michael palin episode of the torchwood radio series (with very minimal knowledge of torchwood or doctor who)

yes i'm only two episodes into doctor who and no i have not seen torchwood. if you're wondering why in the world i listened to the episode anyway, the answer is simply: michael palin.

this is very welcome to nightvale "a story about you" vibes and i love it.

three things i find very amusing: 1) michael palin canonically exists in the doctor who extended universe, 2) the destructive psychic being trying to take over the world is aware of him, and 3) the destructive psychic being trying to take over the world chose to impersonate michael palin voicing an ASMR self-help tape to try and rope people into their evil plan.

(addendum: just found out that monty python is canon to doctor who and the doctor claims to have come up with the name for flying circus. that's fun!!)

(do you think aliens are fans of monty python.)

everyone is indeed bisexual, including the evil michael palin self-help voice.

jack harkness is sooo fucking hot you guys even evil michael palin can't stop talking about how hot he is.

the voice's reaction to ianto kissing jack is so funny he literally goes "oh 😳" like i can imagine his face wahdhsjdhsf.

i'm assuming the labelling of the gang as certain brain aspects is accurate to their characters? because that's fun if so. they seem cool :D

you know at first i did think it was a general "you" and thought it was funny that the writers just assume the people who are listening are most likely to be anti-social, anxious, and stressed. and well, let's just say i ended up relating a lot to Y/N,

"inability to say how she feels" "she likes biscuits" same toshiko.

jack harkness died trying to get biscuits. i'm pretty sure evil michael palin was the one who killed him and it just lured Y/N to possess it afterwards but i also like the idea that jack harkness somehow got himself fucking killed while trying to get biscuits.

there's a rift???

i'm not gonna lie for a good while i was absolutely vibing with being evil bisexual michael palin's abused henchman.

on that note oh my goddddd michael palin being angry and swearing this is so!!!!!! this is everything to me <33333 like you have no idea he's popping the fuck off and i'm more than living for it i'm ascending!!

jack harkness is so sweet oh my 🥺🥺🥺🥺 is he always like this??

the worldbuilding is so cool by the way i love the way this all works in general, the weird mind palace psychic connection stuff. i'm sure part of it is an excuse to make michael palin play jack but it works and i'm obsessed. cool supernatural stuff for the win!!!

speaking of wins it actually is so sweet listening to Y/N push through and save the world and jack praising them…… i'm so proud of them/us <3333

which makes the ending all the more DEVASTATING. good god not the tragedy DDD: nooo evil michael palin i liked hanging out with you but not for eternity in the mind torture beach DDDD:

i'm choosing to believe the warped theme at the end was the gang finding and destroying the tape because i just want my lil self-insert guy to be happy :(

anyways evil bisexual michael palin was amazing the concept is so cool i was sucked in the entire time. looking forward to watching torchwood even more now!! that episode's now a comfort media for me <3 (still has not seen torchwood).

[nyx0090]

Sweetbitter: Golden Ice

Sweetbitter [Jake x Reader/OC]

Word Count: 11.053 (and pretty proud of it).

TW: +18, smut, unprotected sex, creampie, oral sex (f recieving), soft!Jake. Use of Y/N. Fem!Reader.

A/n: I think I made Jake's character more soft than actually intended but I like him like this too. I'm very proud of this work even if some parts don't exactly convince me bc it's the first work I manage to finish in years so.

It is edited but if still there are mistakes please excuse them. I hope you'll like it.

Spotify Playlist some of the songs are actually in the series and some, I think, fit the vibes of the series. These inspired this whole fic so if someone wants to listen to them while reading feel free.

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At a certain point every night seems the same: get changed, get the food, smile and be polite, change again and go home. But sometimes this normality, this routine, helps especially having lived many years running around cause mom and dad always had to get transferred for work and I never got to settle as I wanted. Never had friends that lasted more than a couple of weeks, maybe a month before I never heard from them again. Not being able to find secret spots or hang out with people my age, I was always present at important events and meeting.

“This is going to be useful for your future, you’ll have time for friends, maybe” this is what mom and dad always told me.

Stability is what I always longed for and now I got it, sometimes it's boring and sometimes it simply reminds me that this is what I wanted after running left and right in all America. After not being able to actually know someone.

To keep things interesting, I sang at a place, a wonderful jazz bar, the Golden Ice, once in a while, when they needed. I sang there all night, got a few free drinks, got changed and went back home. Getting away from the drama at the restaurant because I felt that the more I stayed away, the better.

Tonight was no different. I had to work at the restaurant and then grab my things and go sing for a while in a place that seemed a completely different world, and it kind of was compared to Home Bar. Or the restaurant.

I only had one problem, that little problem being a 5'9-man, black hair and many tattoos. Jake got "interest" (if it can be called that seeing who Jake is), apparently, in following me some nights when he probably was bored, had no one to get laid with and didn't want to Home Bar.

As if I wouldn’t notice.

I did not know the reason but all I knew is that his timing in ‘stalking’ was annoyingly impeccable. I mean I only went to two places: the jazz bar and a sort of library open 24/7 in which you enter only with a pass that is given to clients who are interested, grab a book and then decide if you stay there or want to go home. It’s like being in an office but you get to read and have a good time. And Jake always, always managed to follow me when I went to the bar.

Tonight, I had to sing right after the shift at the restaurant and had to fly there almost. And I knew, knowing my luck, that he would have followed me. Maybe I was being too sneaky and that just piqued his curiosity. All I knew was that he was annoying at how well he picked the nights I wanted to keep most secret.

I didn't want anyone at the restaurant to know about me singing. Don’t get me wrong it’s not because its them: I love that group of crazy coworkers I have but I considered it nothing special and I preferred no one to know anyway. That included Jake.

《So... how is the night going?》 Jake asked, cleaning a few glasses and starting drinks.

《As always: many clients, some bullshit and I can't wait to go home.》 I answered opening bottles and replacing some caps for Nicky and him to use later.

He shrugged and a small smirk lifted his lips.

《What about yours?》 I said in return placing the bottles back where they should be.

《Nothing much either. Will you come to Home Bar later?》 he suddenly asked.

《No, I'll just go home. I want to lay down and sleep so bad.》 I yawned to get the point across and hope he would go to Home Bar and not follow me.

He nodded before going back to prepare some drinks while I finished up the bottles.

Once finished I went to get some ice seeing they were running low on it. While I was getting that I already planned the path I had to walk to the bar and pick the one that would have a bar allow me to go out the back and get rid of Jake.

I went back upstairs and left the ice to Jake before going to the kitchen and go on with the same routine, bringing plates and being polite.

Jake's eyes kept following me through the night. I kind of understood what he wanted from me: he wanted a good fuck. Just like he did with everyone else. But I was not willing to give that. He might be handsome and attractive, but a pretty face was not enough for me.

Talking might have gotten him more far, but he didn't seem the type.

I didn't mind the ‘friendship’ we developed tho: joking, teasing sometimes and helping each other. Talking a bit during shifts and passing some alcohol under the table. Terrible jokes and playful insults. I liked that, it felt right for us.

At the end of the night, I changed in the outfit I would have worn to the jazz bar and covered it with my long black coat. October temperatures did not forgive already, and it was the perfect excuse. Once I was all covered up and ready to go, I headed downstairs.

《Bye guys! Have fun at Home Bar!》 I chirped, waving my way to the door.

《You're not coming with us? Come on!》 Ari said, already a bit tipsy as always.

《Sorry dear, I'm super tired tonight and don't have the right outfit anyway.》 I answered going up to her and hugging her.

Then I was off. After a few blocks I heard Jake following me.

'Perfect. Absolutely fucking perfect. How does he have such timing?' I thought. I started to walk faster towards my only saving way out of here.

When I entered the chaotic bar I spotted a dear friend of mine, Michelle, and she brought me to the back door without questions.

Jake could not follow me to the back from inside the bar and even if he got outside, he would have lost some time before catching up, giving me time to slip away to work.

As I went, I kept thinking how to approach him about it. It would be fun to see his face when I would ask why does he follow me. I smiled to myself before turning into an alley and going in through the back.

《There you are! I was worried something happened to you!》 came Ambra, a sweet 30 years old small woman, hugging me and cupping my face in her hands turning it left and right before hugging me again. She would have sung with me tonight as many other nights and she was already almost finished with her outfit and make-up.

《Had to get rid of my little friend.》 I shrugged as we went to my changing room to get make-up on.

《Why don't you just tell him if he seems so interested?》 Ambra questioned as I sat down in the chair.

《Cause I don't want people at work to know. I don't have to tell them anything - I defended – and besides he could just ask me instead of following me around like a creep.》 I concluded and closed my eyes as she applied my eye make-up. Then she went away to get the last things ready too and I finished by myself. Some time was saved having worn my dress before.

I wore another pair of shoes and just went off to the stage.

When we started to sing the small crowd of the bar started to cheer and we started to just have fun too. I was always a little nervous before a performance, no matter how many times I did it. And to be able to sing along side Ambra whom had the most beautiful voice was always a pleasure and an honor.

She was way more experienced than me for sure and yet never looked down on me for it. She was like a second mom to me or a big sister.

When the night was finished, and I got changed in a more comfortable outfit I went to the bar to bid goodnight to everyone and found my usual drink waiting for me as a thank you from the owner who work as a bartender there.

《Thank you Rick!》 I called out. He gave me a thumbs up as a response before finishing up with cleaning. When I was done, I got my things, said goodbye again and went home.

I got to a bus stop and waited for mine. While waiting and to make the time pass a bit faster, I put on my old earphones.

Soon the bright lights of the bus announced its arrival, I hopped on, ready for a pretty long ride. Usually from the restaurant I could go home walking, it was a bit long, but I could manage. From here was straight off too long and I did not had the energy.

.

The next day went pretty well. Running errands in the morning, taking a good long bath and then getting ready to work as always.

When I came in Jake was almost finished changing and I started to take off my jacket. I could see a mile away he wanted to ask me something, continuously looking behind his shoulder. But he couldn’t, I didn’t know nothing for him, and I said I always went home after work so what would there be to ask?

I had to stifle a giggle at how frustrated he looked when he went out. To go this much just so he could get laid seemed a bit much even for him. There were plenty of girls who he could hook up with.

‘Maybe he was just bored.’

I shrugged it off before finishing up and getting out. Luckly tonight I did not have to go anywhere so a good book and a cozy tea at home were awaiting me. Or maybe I could join humanity and go to Home Bar with the others.

I helped with putting down the tables, getting some saltshakers and the flowers watered to be sure they looked fresher.

Then the restaurant opened, and I got the coats to put away. It was probably the most relaxing task because it was a quiet space, but it always lasted way too little.

《Hey could you back up?》 Tess asked me, three plates already in hand. I immediately went to her and helped bringing the plates to the table.

《Have I seen you somewhere?》 one of the man at the table asked looking at me. Of course, he knew me being a fucking regular at the other bar.

'Could one thing go right?'

《I'm afraid you are mistaking me for someone else, sir.》 I politely answered, Tess eyes scrutinizing me.

I just kept looking at the men and when the silence became too long, I added 《Very well, enjoy your meal!》

We went away from the table. I had no time for this tonight, and I knew Tess was going to ask questions.

We weren't even into the kitchen when she started bombarding me

《Are you sure he was wrong or just didn't want to tell in front of me?》 she teased.

《No Tess, I don't know him. It must have been a genuine mistake.》 I said stopping at the bar and asking for a shot of rum.

《Oh, come on! He is pretty handsome too. What are you hiding?》 she kept teasing as I chugged down the liquid to get the edge off. It was going to be a stressful night then.

《Nothing Tess, I seriously don't know him! Never seen him in my life.》 I said getting back to work. Jake was nowhere to be found. Better.

In no time the whole kitchen and not knew about this slip up and I was done for. Everyone kept asking questions.

《He seems good for you. You know there is nothing bad with it right? You can tell us.》 Ari teased and Heather agreed.

《What you bitches talking about?》 came in Sasha who, extraordinarily, still did not know.

《Y/N's new man at table 14.》 Ari said with a smirk.

《Oh, my God. He is not my man, ok? I don't know him! He just has mistaken me for someone else!》

I said on the verge of asking the third or fourth rum of the night. And we were only halfway through the shift. A hand went down my face, exhausted.

Maybe no humanity or Home Bar tonight.

When I went out of the kitchen, I spotted Nicky and asked another shot of rum.

《You sure you're okay?》 he asked a bit worried about my alcohol consumption tonight. Usually I went to one, two shots three if it was a rough night but almost coming up to four or five was new for him.

《Yeah, simply everyone being absolutely exhausting about a man who mistook me for someone else.》 I answered 'honestly' drinking fast before Howard could catch me.

Right at that time the table I helped Tess earlier started to get up and towards us, giving me the number for the coat closet.

《Are you sure we haven't met before?》 he asked one more time taking his coat from my hands and wearing it.

《Absolutely positive sir.》 I said with a smile.

When they were gone, and I turned around Jake was watching me.

I wanted to crash my head in the nearest wall, now he is not going to let me be, ever.

《Do you know him?》 he asked as he cleaned some more glasses.

《Nope, never seen him. He got a crab thinking I was someone he knew.》

And with that I went away back to the kitchen. He kept boring holes for the rest of the night into my back and I was this close to punch him in the face.

Definitely no humanity or Home Bar.

‘Fuck it, I'm going home to tea and books.’

I thought as I got changed, fighting with the last three buttons of my shirt with my trembling hands.

《Oh, Lord》 I groaned still trying. ‘Why, why did I drink so much?’  At the end I managed to drink around seven shots. I was not drunk but definitely tipsy if I could not undo three damn buttons. I gave up and went to the small sink to splash a bit of water on my face to freshen up. It kind of worked, my hands were still trembling but at least I got out of my stirpes.

When I finished changing, Jake entered the room. I said nothing and went out with my much more comfortable long skirt and blouse on and my bag and coat in hand.

《I’m going home, bye guys.》 I announced near the door not getting anything anymore to drink. A chorus of ‘bye’s’ went with me out the door. I put on my long black, comfy coat and I was off to the library.

I took out my pass key at the door, swiped it and went in. I took a deep breath enjoy the smell of books and some aromatic candle still lingering after a whole day of burning.

The relaxing music underneath was very nice and helped get cozy. I went with some old novel, The Picture of Dorian Grey. I’ve read it many times now, but it was not the night to engage in some new reading, not with this much alcohol in me and so little concentration.

.

When I got up to go home and bring the book with me it was around 2 am so I called it a day. I left a little note for Martina for the next morning and went off. It was starting to really get cold in New York, so I wore my coat and made my way through an enormous crowd of people for it to be 2 am and somewhere I got a glimpse of Jake.

‘Nah, I must be wrong. I need to sleep’ but when I looked again there he was.

I tried my best to look away fast and concentrate to the task at hand – going home – as much as I could so he would not notice me but right at that time he turned around and made eye contact with me.

Now, he definitely saw me there.

‘Oh Lord. Really?’ I just ignored him and went on to my house to get that sleep I needed after maybe a few more chapters.

.

Needless to say, it was not a few more chapters. I finished the book and when I placed it on the side my alarm read 5.30 in the morning, and it should have went off at 7.

With a big headache I got up at 2 pm and got done what I could before taking a much-needed shower and preparing for work.

Once there I greeted everyone before going to the locker room and sitting on the sofa not before wetting my handkerchief and placing it over my eyes.

‘Damn headache. Never again am I reading that late or drinking that much.’

《Are you dead or what?》 Jake asked.

《For now I just am.》 I answered tiredly, my headache was not going to give me peace for the whole night.

I jolted when he closed his locker went away. I took off the wet thing from my eyes and changed too.

《Why were you out so late last night?》 he asked as I was going through the flowers. I smiled, expecting that question. I turned around, placed my hands on the counter separating us and looked him dead in the eyes.

《Why did you followed me like a creep two nights ago? And many nights before that too?》 he was stunned to say the least, his mouth hanging open like a fish. I took my mop bar and went away.

For the rest of the night we didn’t talk, just said coworker things. ‘We are running low on ice’, ‘Could you bring up a bottle Riesling’ and stuff like that.

At least he didn’t have that stupid grin on tonight, I, on the other hand, smiled like an idiot all night for this little success.

.

《You coming to Home Bar tonight?》 Heather asked as I sat down to take a Negroni. I looked down at my outfit – the

usual long skirt with a sweater this time – and back up at her.

《Don’t think I’m dressed appropriately for Home Bar but sure, why not?》 I said and cheers raised.

《Boring white woman is coming with us tonight.》 Sasha added above the chaos. I laughed, looking at them getting up and I chugged down what was left of my drink.

《It’s incredible how you never once skip asking me to come with you. Am I really that boring for your standards?》 I playfully inquired. Ari placed an arm around my shoulders, thinking about it.

《Maybe – she concluded – I mean you are probably super fun but we have never seen that side of you.》 she added.

《That hurt my feeling - I answered feigning hurt - when have I ever gave you guys the impression I'm not fun.》 I said. Ari and Heather looked at me up and down before answering.

《By the way you dress, for example.》 they said together.

《It's comfortable, you should try it.》 I retorted playfully.

《You never come to Home Bar or any other party, during shifts drink you take always the same thing and then you are off to sleep. Not even my grandma is that boring.》 Ari kept going on, the amused tone telling me she didn't mind one bit.

《Wow - I said - well I prefer I glass of wine at home rather than get waisted every night.》 I retorted again.

When we reached Home Bar everyone scattered everywhere: to dance, to drink, to do drugs and to fuck. I went to the bartender and asked again for a Negroni and a bottle of water. I got that to the table where Jake and Will were sitting and also Heather, but she got up and went away a couple of minutes prior.

I took a seat and started to drink looking at people dancing, drinking, making out, many probably high on drugs or drunk but they looked like they were enjoying themselves, a lot.

《I'm going to the bathroom.》 Will announced.

An awkward silence settled between me and Jake.

《Are you not asking me anymore questions now?》 I said still not looking at him. He kept silent so I turned around and looked at him.

《How did you find me out?》 he asked with confidence.

《Well it was very easy actually and if you are a stalker in your free time let me tell you: you suck, a lot. Change hobby, really.》 I said playfully. A small chuckle left his lips, and my eyes fell there for a second before going back to anywhere in the room.

《Why did you follow me tho? You could have asked instead of being a creep and scared the shit out of me the first time. I was about to call the police.》 I told him, more seriously this time.

《I got curious. Why did you never come with us to Home Bar or parties? Why you never stayed more than needed during shift drinks?》 he said. I looked at him not entirely convinced.

《Are you sure you simply weren't bored and decided to do something stupid?》 I offered. I was not really buying the curiosity thing. Knowing Jake there could have been a thousands more reasons but this one was the less convincing.

He shrugged looking around a bit too before asking again 《Would you have let me come with you if I asked?》 completely ignoring my question.

《No.》

《Why not?》

《What I do after work doesn't necessarily have to be your or anyone else's business. I can keep private some things.》 I snapped at him a bit.

《So you did know that man.》 he inquired. I looked at him shocked. If I didn't punch him tonight I would never again even try.

《Is this what all of this is about?》 I asked skeptically.

He didn't answer and I took a sip of my drink.

《Will you ever bring me with you where ever it is you go?》 he asked again.

《I don't understand why are you so curious. What if I do a simple second job as a waitress? There is nothing interesting about it.》 I said.

《You didn't answer my question.》 I looked at him up and down and remained silent. He says that? After all he deliberately didn't answer to me?

《From whom this comes - I retorted keeping the glass near my lips - and maybe. I don't take strangers around with me like it's nothing.》 I offered sincerely. He simply nodded. Sometime after Will came back from wherever he actually went, and I went to bid goodnight to all those I could find and headed back home hoping for the best.

.

For the next few days, we still talked very little. After that the ice started to crack and we started to talk a bit more, I went once more to Home Bar and we had fun talking and assuming about the people around us.

I had some more nights at Rick’s, and he didn’t follow which I took as a success.

《So, how are you doing?》 I asked him one night before the opening time while I was putting away glasses and bottles.

《I should be the one asking you.》 he answered cleaning some shakers and strainers.

I eyed him suspiciously, not understanding if it was an insult of some sorts.

《Have you slept one hour in… I don’t know, a week? You look like a panda.》 he answered not looking at me.

I was behind some hours of sleep having done some more shifts and staying up late more nights than I should have

reading but I didn’t think it showed that much.

《Oh. I thought I covered it enough.》 I whispered more to myself than him and he didn’t say anything else.

He didn't say anything after that.

During the shift I was a bit like a zombie, but I managed taking a pause when I felt on the verge of sleeping where I was standing. Like now, I was wetting my handkerchief to pass it on my face in hope it would wake me up when a locker was closed behind me and I jumped on the spot. When I turned around, I saw Jake and Simone.

《Are you alright?》 the blonde asked me.

《Yes, yes I'm fine. Running low on sleep.》 I said showing her the wet little thing in my hands. I went to sit down and placed it on my forehead and eyes.

《Could one of you stay here with me? I need just five minutes but wouldn't want to actually fall asleep.》 I asked hoping one of them could stay.

《Yes, of course.》 Simone answered me. I sighed and relaxed on the couch. Right when I did that, I felt sleep clawing my mind and body.

‘Yep, tonight no reading, no nothing. Just sleep.’

At a certain point someone lifted the wet cloth off my eyes, and I whined at the low light disturbing me. A whine left my lips as I tried to place it back down.

《Come on, you said five minutes and they are up.》 a deep voice talked from beside me. I cracked an eye open and scoffed, getting up and going to the sink to wash my face.

 《Are you sure you can keep going for three more hours like this?》 he asked looking at me and getting up too.

《I've been through it all this time, might as well finish it. Three hours are nothing really.》 I said. It would have been three more hours, but they will be done sooner that I can count so no need to get cut now.

《Everyone is tired, that does not entitle me to nothing. Besides I'm the reason for my own sleepiness so, no one to blame but oneself.》I added, sighing and squeezing the wet cloth before placing it in my locker to try and dry it off.

I took a deep breath before turning around and going off with Jake on my heel.

.

As expected, the three hours went on slow but not unbearably so and when I got finally changed, I flew out the restaurant bidding a quick goodnight.

When my apartment lock clicked behind me, I went immediately to the shower, taking a very quick one, and just went to bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was sound asleep.

The next day I woke up very late probably around 12, didn’t really looked at the clock and wandered around my apartment for my kitchen and some water. Decided to put on some music to wake up a bit and get some chores done before getting a better shower than last night and preparing for work. Tonight, I was excited since after it I had my day off and could not wait for it. I would be staying at home, or I would have gone to the library while the night I was going to Rick’s bar to talk a bit and see if he had some plans for me already for the next few weeks.

So, I spent the few hours I had left putting away some book and decided to make a run to the library to give back some books I had stacked at home for a while and that I finished.

《And this is the last one.》 I said to Martina with an apologetic tone. In total I had to return 20 books and when she saw me with a full bag, she was definitely not ready for this.

《Thank God. I thought they would never finish.》 she said sighing then placed the book in a basket behind her giving me the possibility to admire her beautiful ginger locks cascading on her back. She was a young girl, like me and she was breathtakingly beautiful, her mind sharp as a razor and sly as a fox. She was a great friend I made not too long after coming to New York.

《Sorry, been coming in mostly during the night.》 I explained to her folding my bag and placing it into another one.

《No wonder you look like shit.》 Ah, always so honest.

《Not the first time I hear it this week.》 I answered ready to go off to the restaurant.

《Must be true then. But seriously, take care.》 she said at the end.

《Will try. You too.》 I said and went off.

.

Right outside the restaurant Sasha and Ari were smoking something and offered me too, to which I declined. Ari scoffed and rolled her eyes while Sasha kept smoking, minding his businesses.

I then entered and went to change. As always, I gave a look at the flowers and rearranged them a bit if needed.

As always, it was a pretty good night, not many assholes, a lot of tips. Me and Jake talked a bit, joked and had our fun.  Until a client decided to be very rude with me and Heather, in front of Howard. I kept my mouth shut as tightly as I could knowing he would have taken care of everything when he sent me and Heather back to kitchen.

《I have no words! Did you hear what he said to us? In front of Howard no less – exclaimed her. I looked at her and just went on with my work. – Are not gonna say anything?》

《I’m trying to say nothing cause if I start I’m going out of here and kicking that idiot out myself.》 I answered. To be that stupid and not be able to see it by yourself it’s embarrassing. I took a deep breath and just went on with the night, we hadn’t much more, and I wanted to finish.

Now everything was going bad: the way I got down the steps, the song that was on, the way someone called me over for something. I felt on edge and a bath was going to remedy that a bit, I hoped.

As soon as the shift ended, I got changed at light speed, bid goodnight to who was there and went home. I almost didn’t even take off my shoes before going to the bathroom and start the water.

The steam raising and filling the bathroom was calming by itself. When I got in, I melted and for a second, I thought I would fallen asleep in there. In my mind popped up again the idiot of tonight and it was so disrespectful, I’m happy Howard was there and dealt with everything because that was simply unacceptable.

I shrugged it off and didn’t let it ruin my hot bath.

Then it was time for bed, so I got out of the tub, applied my skincare and went to bed without much else, just wanted to sleep it off.

- Three Months Later -

I liked so much winter in New York. It was cold and allowed me to wear longer skirts and my heavy black coat and I felt amazing wearing those.

In the past few weeks, me and Jake talked a lot, we hanged out. Not much, really, just a coffee here and there, going for breakfast or the shitty diners he loved so much.

After that I thought a lot, pondering on if I should have brought him with me to Rick’s.

It was clear that his invitations were made to not be a stranger anymore and even if I just scratched the surface. Then I decided I would have brought him along.

Hence why I wrote the bar name and the address to the bar in the morning, looking at that piece of paper and giving it my very last thoughts. I still had time since he knew nothing. He really tried and I saw that even if he came along it would not have been so bad. When it was time to go out, I took that little note I put extra care in writing for some silly motive and went to the restaurant.

I got changed quickly and placed the note in the pocket of my pants. I would have given that to him at some point of the shift or before going home.

‘Maybe.’

《Don’t make me regret this. 》I whispered to him as I handed the small piece of paper. He looked intrigued and just slipped it in his pocket, a smirk on his face. I rolled my eyes and went on with work, feeling vaguely nervous. It was the first time ever someone heard me sing, well, someone I knew. At home my family knew of this, and I always liked to sing for them but here in New York I had no one close to me to that point and so no one knew. Only Howard because sometimes I needed to go out early and he had to know, so it was for strictly professional reasons.

When I got changed into the outfit for the night to save time when I could my hands were a bit sweaty.

‘Oh, come on. I sing in front of so many people every night and I’m getting nervous about a pretty boy. This is ridiculous.’

《Good night everyone!》 I said taking my shot of rum fast since I already had my coat on and closed. 

《Night!》 everyone shouted as I got out. I went out fast no seeing Jake.

‘I mean maybe he would not have come.’

I stopped for a second thinking about the fact that he could already have something else to do or simply did not accept my invitation. So, I was getting nervous for nothing. It left a slightly bitter taste on my tongue after all the hanging out for him to not come.

I shrugged it off. It was silly, was it not me this morning who still had doubts about asking him? It’s only fair if he doesn’t come.

I started to walk since I had not time to lose. After a few blocks I noticed someone following me and a silly smile made its way on my face. I stopped to let him catch up to me.

《I already informed you how you are absolutely shit in stalking right?》 I asked in a playful tone.

《Well this time I have an invitation.》 he said smirking, waiving into my face the same note I gave him a couple of hours ago.

《And didn’t I say to not make me regret it?》 I said glaring at him. I took advantage to check how he was dressed: he had a nice white shirt on, no tie, with the first couple of button undone. Black pants and a nice pair of shoes.

《You did not came in tonight dressed like this. Where did you get these clothes?》 I asked while looking at the red light waiting for it to turn green and also at the display of my phone to be sure I was on time.

《Kept them in the locker hoping you would invite me.》 he answered honestly and at that moment the light turned green not giving me the possibility to look at him as all the people started to move, pushing me into doing the same.

Soon enough, we were at the bar. He went in from the front and I got in from the back. As soon as the door of our changing room closed the warm voice of Ambra accompanied me, asking me how work was.

《Good. We have a special guest tonight.》 I said while applying mascara.

She stopped everything she was doing and turned to look at me since special guest might have meat anything really.

When I didn’t turn around to look at her and simply went on its like something clicked.

《Is it the boy?》 she asked, gasping excitedly.

《It is him.》 I answered happy to see her this exited. She squealed like a puppy toy and went into hugging me and jumping around.

《You know I just invited him here to hear me sing right? Nothing else.》 I told her applying the blush and going to grab my lipstick. She looked at me up and down, stopping her celebration all together.

《Famous last words.》 she coughed before going to sit back down. I rolled my eyes and gave her that finishing upvmy make up and ccurling my hair before putting them up. When I went to get up and went to the door, she stopped me.

《Oh no, no, no. You are not wearing that. – she said looking at my dress. It was old and worn out, the rich brown color a bit faded and I used it since I started to work here. It was a piece of my mum I always kept with me, but I also understood it looked like its age – I have the perfect dress for you.》 she said going through her own wardrobe to take out a deep purple dress. It had a layer of black at the end of the skirt were the rich purple silk-like fabric turned chiffon. And it added a lot of dimension. It was a bit longer than my usual dress, this one practically at the floor. The back was cut very low, no straps and a bold neckline too. I undid my hair leaving them down and moving the line to one side, letting them brush behind my back and all over one of my shoulder, the other one free.

《It’s a while I wanted to give you this dress. After a couple of kids my body has definitely changed, and I gained some weight too – she added with a giggle. She was still slaying, and she knew – so I’m giving it to you. I wouldn’t fit into it anymore even if I tired.》 she reassured me even before I spoke.

《Are you sure? It’s so beautiful. I mean you could get it fitted.》 I kept looking at the mirror absolutely mesmerized by the sight of myself: I looked absolutely beautiful.

《It would cost me more than buying another dress. Beside that was never really my color anyway.》 she said finishing herself up too. She was wearing a black dress with some blue accents, her short black hair curled, framing her sweet face.

And then we were off to the stage to sing.

The sweet, beautiful notes of Wake Up Alone started to play introduced by Ambra. Then I took on. We kept on switching during the song, the ladies doing the back voices doing a great job as always.

We sang for the whole night while I tried to spot Jake in the bar and not finding him. Disappointment made its way in me and took a hold of my heart, but I tried to not think about it. I was beautiful, the night was beautiful and I was singing. Nothing else counted right now.

When we were done with the live singing, I felt light so me and Ambra went laughing at the bar and asked Rick for something to drink. Ambra was telling me something, but I was only half listening, looking for Jake around the place.

《Good evening.》 Jakes voice called from behind us. We both turned around, and I looked at him, honestly a bit surprised he was still here since I could not make him out in the small, crowded place.

《Hey. – I could feel Ambra shift beside me wanting to say something but refraining – so, what do you think? As interesting as you thought it would be?》 I asked while leaning back a bit on the counter behind me, taking a sip of my drink. He took a small step forward, checking me out.

《I understand why you never said this to anybody, for sure – he answered – and if I have to be honest it’s more interesting than I expected.》 he concluded.

《I’m happy you liked it. It goes without saying that I would prefer if this stayed between me and you, yes?》 I told him finishing my drink. He simply nodded looking around, absorbing the place.

《In how much does your shift ends?》 he raised him voice a bit, the music starting now a bit loud to talk normally.

《Not much more actually but before – I said getting up and turning to Ambra, offering her a dance – I promised this beautiful lady a dance. If it gets too late or you get bored feel free to go home whenever you want.》 I told him. Then a silly smile was on my face as Ambra followed me hand in hand in the crowd to dance a bit.

《Is that him?》 she exclaimed. I nodded and spun her around.

《Girl. That is a fine young man over there.》 she said and I agreed with her. Jake was handsome for sure, and he did show interest in this 《I hope he will not get distant now that he knows.》 I sighed. She gave me a smile and a few pats on my back. Then we had to hop back on stage for a bit more live singing.

《Thank you as always ladies. Great night tonight too.》 Rick complimented as me and Ambra went to say goodbye.

《Thank you too Rick. It’s a pleasure to sing in such a place.》 Ambra said and I agreed. After that we bid our goodnights and went out.

Jake was waiting for me outside and when Ambra spotted him she elbowed me not so delicately to which I glared at her and she looked at me apologetically, giving me a big hug and winking at me. I sighed at that and said bye to her too.

《You have a great voice by the way.》 he said at a certain point while we were walking.

《Thank you. Been singing since I was a child, so I brought that with me. Something familiar to rely on – I confessed to him – and where exactly are we going?》 I asked noticing we were going back to the restaurant.

《Home?》 he obviously stated.

《No shit Sherlock, I’m going to mine and you to yours.》 I stated. Once we were in front of it, we stopped.

《Goodnight then.》 he said. I nodded and bid him goodnight one last time. I turned around and took a few steps before turning back again to look at him skeptically to which he looked at me confused.

《Are you going to follow me?》 I asked. He simply smirked saying 《I’ll keep you on your toes.》 turning around and walking away.

A confused smile made its way on my face and after a second, I walked away back home.

.

Since that night me and Jake became even more close. We started hanging out even more, going to places that meant more for both of us, talking a bit of ourselves, not much, especially him but he tried. He just needed someone to talk to, he needed to be listened, and I just did that.

One night he took me to a bar he loved, pretty secluded and that didn’t have a lot of people, but the atmosphere was nice and calming. The place was beautiful too: an old bar that had a very French style in dark colors and a lot of wood, its smell still lingering in the air along with other sweet scents and faint alcohol. The drinks were amazing, and we had a great time talking about our interests, what we liked and what we didn’t like. The books we read, the artists we admire and our favorite drinks while we were there. Then he accompanied me back home where we parted.

In return, and since we both liked to read a lot from what I gathered, I showed him the library. We went there after a rough night and took a book each, sitting down while I made some tea for the both of us and started reading, appreciating each other’s company. When it started to get very late, we took the books and went out talking about what we read these past hours.

Soon I realized that I didn’t mind passing my time with him and a bit later I accepted I was starting to have feelings for him. Once we used our day off to get a backpack to go to Cold Spring, a beautiful town I wanted to visit for a while, and it was not even that far from New York.

That morning, we took a train at 5, so early that it had very few people in it, granting silence to which both me and Jake fell asleep listening to music. The train ride was about an hour, so we didn’t get that much rest but was better than nothing.

We were both dressed comfortably, him with trousers and a sweater and I opted for a more appropriate outfit for walking lot too with a pair of pants and a jumper. I also choose a different coat than the one I wore in the city, opting for a knee-length dark grey one that kept me very warm. When we got off the first thing we did was to find a bar in which we could have breakfast.

The day was about going around as much as possible, so we visited the many churches and appreciated the beauty of them taking many photos, me with my sad phone camera while Jake had his camera with him and took most certainly much better photos than me.

《Will you send me the photos you took later?》 I asked while he was taking another. He nodded and we went on.

It was almost lunch time, so we looked for a parc that was not too crowded and then started to eat in silence. I loved the smell of nature and the bird singing.

While we were still in the town, we also went to a bookstore and grabbed a souvenir: I bought a couple of books, a notebook and a bookmark and he got only the books.

Then it was time to go to the lake. We took a long stroll in the small forest surrounding it and my mind went to much warmer weather where I could come here again and take a bath, or even rent an apartment for a couple of days to disconnect from the city. If he wanted, he could come too, a bit of company would not be that bad. The stroll took longer than anticipated and when we went back in town to look for a nice place to have dinner it was already dark even if it was only around 6 pm.

The temperature dropped drastically, and we opted for a place where we could stay as long as possible to get warm. Between a chat and a warm meal, it was already 9 so we decided to go for the last walk and look at some of the decorative light still hanging from Christmas celebrations.

The streets were more crowded than during the day, so Jake offered me his arm which I took happily, and we walked some more.

Soon it became colder and darker, so we choose to call it a day and go take the train. It was around 10:30 when we took our and we should have been back by midnight.

《Did you had fun today?》 I asked tiredly, yawning right after and getting comfortable in my seat.

《Yes it was very nice, and I took good pictures too.》 he answered going through said photos a bit.

《Mhm, I’m glad.》 I whispered before I dozed off but couldn’t fall asleep. I kept going from asleep to waking up a bit and look around to understand where we were from out of the window.

《Hey, we have to get off.》 a voice called, pulling my arm a bit to get me to wake up. I whined and got a bit more comfortable.

‘Not now that I finally fell asleep…’ another thug made me open my eyes to glare at the source to find Jake. A bit dizzy and confused I got up letting him lead the way, dragging me out with my hand in his.

When we got out of the train cold air surrounded me unexpectedly. I went right away to close my coat better.

Jake dragged me out the station and into the city. Sleep and dizziness didn’t let go of me and noticing it, he slowly walked me home even if I didn’t realize it until I was at my front door and he asked 《Where are your keys?》 to which I looked at him and opened my backpack, muscle memory of where I always put my keys when I had it kicking in.

Jake made me the favor of opening the door of my apartment for me and lightly pushing me in. I took off my coat slowly and then went for my shoes. When I finally got them off, I went for my bed and just let myself fall on it.

I adjusted my body to a more comfortable position and right when I was falling asleep, I heard the door of my apartment close softly.

.

The next morning, I woke up late. Yesterday was a long day even if I had a lot of fun and it’s been a while since I last made such a trip. When I went to the kitchen a small note was waiting for me on the table. I started to prepare a coffee and then took the small piece of paper.

I left your keys at the entrance.

-Jake

I folded it back and placed it in a stack of notes in my desk. After my coffee I took all the things I brought with me yesterday from the backpack and placed them back where they should be, loading the dishwasher and starting the washing machine.

With some music in the background, I started to read a book, the one I got that night with Jake at the library. The ones I bought yesterday must wait until I finish this one.

And so, between music and books, it was time to go back to work.

《I heard you went out of city yesterday?》 Simone told me while I changed.

《Mm? Oh yeah, wanted to go out of New York for a while now and yesterday was the perfect day to do so.》 I answered nonchalantly, wearing my pants.

A long pause stretched between us. I had nothing else to say really so I just kept quiet but apparently, she wanted to press on.

《And did you went alone?》

《Simone – I called her out with a flat tone – if you already know I did not went alone don’t ask and if it bothers you just tell me.》 I said, buttoning up my stripes.

《It doesn’t bother me, was just asking.》 she replied.

 I didn’t understand what the point was if the first thing Jake did was run to her and tell her everything. I liked Simone as long as she didn’t put her nose in my business which happened more often now that me and Jake were hanging out.

And I didn’t like that. But she seemed off, been like this for a while now.

I closed my locker and went out, right in that moment Jake was coming up and I gave him a small smile.

《Thank you for the keys. And the note.》

《No problem.》

And I was off.

The night went on well as expected. It was like I never got a day off and of course I was updated on all the latest gossip by Ari and Sasha.

As always, we laughed a lot, and I felt like the restaurant was more wholesome. So tonight, I smiled more, I was more polite and even warmer with the guests. It felt a bit like home. And under certain lights it was.

.

《I don’t know why I prefer rum, okay? I just do.》 I said to Jake as I sat on the counter with the drink he just did in hand.

《There has to be some sort of reason. It’s like a drink: you have reasons of why you prefer a certain drink rather than another.》 he said as he poured his own drink.

《Ah! That is not true, in a drink you mix different flavors, so the alcohol is blended in them.》 I corrected him taking a sip of my very well done Negroni. He shrugged and started to drink his own, leaning on the counter next to me.

A long, comfortable silence stretched on as I listened to the music in the background and just swung my feet to the bits of an ending song. When the first notes of Koop Island Blues started, I drank a bit more before getting up and dragging Jake with me.

《Don’t care if you don’t dance. You do now.》 I said taking his hand and placing it on my waist while I placed mine on his shoulder. He smirked before pulling me closer and I felt my cheeks grow warm, butterflies raising in my stomach. And then we started dancing slowly to the song. I looked at him in the eyes for the whole time and I got lost in them. Maybe it was the drink, maybe the nice night at work, maybe something else but for a bit everything disappeared, it was just me and him, dancing and drinking. And it felt good, dreamy. In my life I’ve never felt this close with someone else.

I had nights that felt like a dream, friends by my side as we danced all night, but I never had experienced something so different and almost intimate by just looking at each other, fully clothed, dancing. And we were just dancing, that’s what made it so beautiful. He spun me a couple of times, and when I was back, he pulled me closer, just a bit, his hand going more to the center of my back, and butterflies would rise all over again. And I knew that it could be not right but at the same time it was okay. I cared for him deeply and I trusted him, hopefully he trusted me too. Sometime during the dance, I brought both my hands on his shoulders, and his hand found my waist. He caressed that part before hugging me, never stopping the dance. I hugged him too, sighing in content.

Then he pulled away, kissing my cheek and looking deeply into my eyes, getting slightly closer, his eyes slipping to my lips a few times.

When our mouths touched, we both melted in the contact. After a bit his hands took a hold of my hips before he lifted me to wrap my legs around his waist and walked towards the counter, placing me there so I could sit, never pulling away once. His hands went everywhere, my back, my legs covered by the long, light skirt, my arms and hands which he also kissed before going back to my mouth and deepening the kiss, pulling me impossibly close.

As he pulled away so we could both catch our breath I caressed the nape of his neck, keeping my eyes closed and just relishing in the moment.

A moan got caught in my throat when he kissed me again, slowly this time.

I felt myself becoming wet and hot when I felt his erection press up against me, a whine getting caught in his own throat. He lifted me up again, his mouth moving to my neck too 《Bedroom.》 he whispered in my ear before biting the skin on my neck.

《F-first on the left.》 I answered impatiently. He found it without any problem and before I knew I was laying in my bed while he looked down at me taking his shirt off and unbuckling his belt.

In a moment he was by my side, his pants still on, as he had me on his lap, taking my dress off, slowly sliding off the short sleeves. I was wearing nothing underneath because I was more comfortable like that around the house and I felt self-conscious, my hands going to cover up my chest and my legs closing for how much they could. Jake smiled at me and took my arms kissing them before bringing both over his shoulders and kissing my neck again, going lower this time. When he was at my breast he kissed them, took them in his hands, played with them until I was completely out of breath, running my fingers through his hair.

Before I could realize I was lying again in my bed, his lips on mine before going down again, kissing my neck, my shoulders, my breasts again, my stomach and then jumping to my thighs, starting from the knee before going up, biting softly the skin and sending shivers down my spine. I was panting when he kissed under my stomach again.

A gasp left me when he kissed my clit, licking a long, slow stripe from my entrance and up. His hands went to my hips in the attempt of hold me still.  

He unhurriedly increased the pace and when I looked down, he was already looking at me. I moaned before my hand went to his hair trying to steady myself from the pleasure. A low moan came from the back of his throat and my grip tightened.

《J-Jake… Jake, I- you-》 I stuttered but my point got across for he pulled me closer and dove deeper, making me arch my back and moan his name. Soon I came and he kept going through my high, licking me more sensually and sometimes kissing my thighs.

He returned his lips on mine and my neck before he undressed himself of his remaining clothes and kissed me again, lining himself up to my entrance.

《You sure?》 he asked out of breath, grinding himself on me and biting his lip to hold back a moan that came out as a broken gasp.

《Yeah.》 I answered pulling him close to me and kissing him again.

Then his cock sank into me, and I whined into his mouth, my hands pulling his hair. His hips stuttered and he went in too fast making me hold onto him tighter, gasping.

《Sorry.》 he whispered brokenly on my neck going in the last couple of inches left and staying still, waiting for me to adjust. He was definitely big, but the stretch was so good.

His hands caressed my sides while I played with his hair. He was breathing heavily and after a bit of waiting he started to grind into me to which I bit my lip but didn’t stop him. He tentatively pulled out a little only to sink back in, moaning in my ear.

《You feel amazing…》 he praised, his gruff voice making me shiver even before he started to actually move. Not fast, he deliberately pulled out almost all the way to just push in deeper every time.

His mouth kept alternating between biting and kissing lips and sucking on my neck and chest, his hands still on my sides.

He gave me one last kiss before adjusting our bodies so that he could stand up to end of the bed and bringing my legs on his shoulder pushing in hard.

My back arched and my hands gripped the sheets, a long moan leaving my lips. And then he did it again, and again

《Yes! R-right there Jake…》 and his pace went a bit faster, hitting a wonderful spot inside of me that made me see stars. One of his hands went to my collarbone, sliding down to my belly and pressing down.

His pace became more rough, more impatient, his thrusts more erratic and then he bended over me, leaving my legs on his sides to kiss me again.

《Fuck, fuck- you feel so good, so fucking good. C-can I come inside? Please, please, please- fuck. You’re squeezing me so tight… so good, you’re so good- fuck…》 he cursed into my neck. It took a bit for his words to register in my brain.

《C-can I?》 he asked again. And I nodded in a frenzy, feeling myself getting close again.

His fingers then went to rub on my clit while he watched my face contort in pleasure and my body shivering.

《Yes! Yes, please, come inside - you feel so good, so good…》 I moaned, in my mind only him and his body.

After a few more thrusts we both came undone. His arms sneaked around my back to hug me, and I did the same with my arms around his shoulders. His hips grinded a bit more in me before he pulled out. I closed my eyes, completely spent and tired but satisfied. After bit a towel met my thighs and pussy. When Jake cleaned himself too, he climbed on the bed by my side, got under the covers and hugged me, his head on my chest.

《Thank you…》 he whispered.

《Thank you too.》 I answered, kissing his head.

And fell asleep like that.

.

The next day the first thing I felt was Jake’s body pressed against my back, on hand on my hip and the other on my chest.

I took a deep breath before I relaxed in his hold, pressing myself better against him and relishing in the closeness some more.

When I turned in his embrace, I felt soreness in my whole body and a pleasurable ache between my legs. My arms hugged his naked torso, and I hid my head under his chin, giving his neck a few kisses.

It was a nice feeling, to not wake up alone like every day, wondering and thinking.

After I don’t know how much time I got up, leaving Jake in bed a bit more, and got a simple dress out of my wardrobe. It was a pale blue color, long until half my calves, and had thin straps to keep it on my shoulders. And then I was off to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast.

I decided to put on some music, keeping the volume low to not disturb Jake if he was still sleeping and got started. When I was placing down everything, I felt a pair of hands on my hips and smiled, finishing up the table.

《Morning.》 he whispered in my ear, kissing my neck and shoulders right after. His hands tracing up my sides until under my breasts.

《Good morning.》 I breathed out, leaning my head on his shoulder.

We stayed like this for a bit before we sat down to eat, a comfortable silence fell on us like a blanket and the music still on made for a nice murmur.

《You know… – Jake started as I was sipping on my coffee – I’m starting to cut things off with Simone.》 he confessed. I looked at him confused, what does that mean? Cutting things off with her? How? Why?

《We had been spending a lot of time together and I think it’s best like this… – he went on since I kept silent – also talking to you I started to understand a few things and I think Simone is not a good presence?》 he concluded a little bit more insecure this time. I kept looking at his waiting for him to continue but he didn’t.

《It’s not my place to say what you should do with the relationship you had and still have with her. Whatever it is, I’ll be there with you, okay? If you think she is not a good presence in your life anymore I’ll try to be by your side, as a friend or whatever. I’ll not substitute her.》 Never. I said choosing my words carefully. I offered him a hand that he took and squeezed to which I squeezed back reassuringly. I started to get up

《Come on now, we have to get ready.》

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/n: Thanks to whoever made it to the end, I hope I didn't bore you too much and I would also like to disclaim that under this message there are going to be drawings I personally made for the story. Those are three outfits I very clearly imagined on her: the one when she goes to home bar, the one when she sings and Jake is there too, and the one she wears at the end when she is at home with Jake. If you don't like them please don't freely insult me or my art style.

P.s the aspect of the girls in the drawings are how I imagined the protagonist to look like. This is a Reader x Jake story, I omitted anything that had to do with Readers appearance for this reason, only what she wears is described.

Thanks, bye.

[crystallinestars]

AAAAA! HELLO HELLO! I am glad to see your response T_T! Honestly, I am trying not to think too much about it, hence why I left X and just stayed here in Tumblr, as for tiktok, I made a new account and just actively not search for it other than solo edits (Jing Yuan edits are so 👌 I don't know how much more I can love that man.)

Also I was reading the other anons posts and your response and yeah! I just notice right now how there is no Kaveh in Alhaitham's banner. Like I don't remember him being in Haitham's since his first debut and since Haitham's rerun. OoO that's interesting. But yeah, I somehow just moved on from Alhaitham and just referred to him as my ex that can't move on (I dunno why, but whenever I simp for the other husbandos, I somehow get ads about him, pics, edits in my socmed 👀 it's sus lol) and I have fixations now which is Neuvillette and Capitano (I love men in power HAHAHA).

Also, do you mind if I rant about Jing Yuan and Argenti? I see that you love Argenti, so I'll start with him. So Argenti…ah…how do I describe this piece of magnificence and manifestation of beauty…HE IS SO AAAAAAA so so so gentlemanly! He's like really good with words, genuinely sweet, prolly his love language is acts of service and he's also so handsome. Like he's got some feminine aspects in him like silky long hair and pretty eyes, also I dunno but he seems like he smells so good and that is plus points to me HAHAHA!

Now onto the General. *sigh* how do I start with this man? Please marry me. HAHAHAHA like no joke. He's got the qualities of a man I am finding for in a husband. He's smart (I love smart men <3), handsome, good sense of humor, etc. Plus, he's got that aura. I dunno how to explain it, but he seems to be the type to make you feel protected and safe. Like it is disarming but in a good way. Here's more. What I really notice about him is he is gentle but also exudes a healthy amount of masculinity. Gentle and Firm that's the best description (sorry for bad english, I am running on coffee rn and my hands are shaking HAHA). He's like…hm…THE MAN kind of man. Like I first saw him and I snapped my fingers and just goes "Yup, that's irl husband material right there!" Haha!

Anyways, sorry for the long yapping about them, but I also just wanna share thar I just learned about the term Yumejoshi and wow oh wow! I am so happy to see more people who self-ships T_T I am so glad to finally see people who share the same interest after years of thinking that maybe I am just weird but now, I feel like I found my people hahaha!

Btw, thank you for the well wishes, I really hope to finally graduate and I am proud to have an architect representation in-game (I am envious of how he just have Lumion installed in his suitcase that is so conventient ;_;). As for the discord invite, I'll join once I get a new laptop, my old one is barely hanging on lol. Have a great day and love lots! <3

- 🌊

Welcome back 🌊 anon!

Is Lumion some kind of software? I've never heard of it before.

You move on quick, haha. Alhaitham must be jealous that you moved on from him so fast XD Neuvillette is a really solid choice though, so I understand. It seems you like the noble and authoritative archetype.

I'm more than happy to talk about Jing Yuan and Argenti with you! I actually like Jing Yuan a lot too. Back when HSR first released, the only thing that piqued my interest about it was Jing Yuan. I resisted playing since he alone was not enough to get me into turn-based combat, but with the release of Argenti and Aventurine, I eventually caved. There aren't many characters in HSR that appeal to me, but Jing Yuan, Argenti, Aventurine, and Jiaoqiu keep my interest.

Argenti most certainly is a gentleman, and that's what's so appealing about him aside from his looks. The fact he's a noble knight that diligently serves Idrila is tragically romantic. What really gets me is that all his flowery praises and flamboyant gestures are genuine. He means what he says, and what he says is so, so beautiful. He could genuinely love any type of person because he is that kind and open-minded. His looks remind me of a character from a 70s or 80s shoujo manga haha. I will be pulling for him and his lightcone when his banner reruns, so wish me luck!

As for Jing Yuan, I feel you!!!! His intelligence is so attractive, my god. It's like he's always thinking several steps ahead of his opponents, and has the confidence to face anything head-on, no matter how dangerous. He never panics but rather handles everything in a smart and laidback way. There certainly is something very reassuring about him. He's the kind of man that will treat you well and that you can rely on, which makes him perfect husband material. I approve, you have good taste, anon.

Welcome to the world of self-shipping! Japanese yumejoshi make a lot of lovely art for us, and on tumblr you can find a lot of reader-insert fanfiction. A lot of people self-ship, even through MCs, so you are definitely not alone! I used to be a part of several websites that posted pretty much exclusive self-shipping content, but unfortunately they have all closed down a while ago ): Tumblr and AO3 still have a lot of awesome fics, and pixiv and twitter have a lot of good art. You need to know where and how to look for it, though.

I will most likely take down the discord invite link in a few days for the sake of safety. Once you get a new computer, feel free to send me a message with a request for the link, and I will give it to you again.

Hope you have a good night, anon!

[xkatylinnx]

The third and last part of azbin Hotel - Swap!AU with Angel Dust, Cherry Bomb and Sir Pentious as Vee's! This one is about their relationships!

Previous part: Part 1 (Angel Dust and Cherri Bomb)

Previous part: Part 2 (Sir Pentious)

Part 3 (The relationships)

As for their dynamic and relationships it's also pretty variative. Personally I am not a fan of any ships at all (neither threesome of Vees', Vox/Valentino nor Cherrisnake or whatever ships in show basically) but you may consider it either plain business partnership and friendship or the lovers-triangle if you wish. I really can see it work all the ways possible. They can barely tolerate each other or be connected only by Angel or Cherry and keep fighting in a funny silly ways all the time. You know, like Vox is a glue between Val and Velvet or how Velvet used to be a glue between Vox and Val before the show. They can be an actual family supporting and caring for each other genuinely and deeply inspite of their disagreements but still play on each other nerves from time to time. Similar to what we've got in the show among the Hotel-cast, you know. Or may be they are kind of trio of goofballs hanging together and getting in silly mischievous all the time. Just like it was in pilot but Pentious is in team too instead of being the one off out! Or maybe it's a classic "Angel and Cherry being bros" and "Pentious being in love with Cherry" if you want it this way. I mean, sure, why not? It's still basically canon. Weather Cherry is cool with it or totally pissed is up to you. They may even be an official pair if you want them to! With Angel being a proud matchmaker haha! Maybe he keeps an eye for them both and gives advices always hearing both points of views from Cherry and Pentious respectively. Or you may even have Angel to fuck with both of them (Angel/Cherry and Angel/Pentious) or just Angel/Pentious and Pentious/Cherry (is Cherry/Pentious and Cherry/Angel is a thing? Like only her with boys?) or them all three do it among themselves, separately or simultaneously, whatever honestly. I mean, there is still a joke about two dicks, you know... Eh, I don't know, haha, I'm aroace actually, I don't get that part. And considering their roles in trio, is it that one of them should always be a voice of reasons in the group and they switch this role or is each of them just go separatly on their own business and they bearly influence each other? Is it like they have "a serious one", "a dorky one" and "a between one"? Or does it depends on situation? Do they fight a lot and just how hard? Do they play pranks on each other? How do they cooperate their work and spheres? Do they help each other out on their respective problems? Like Cherry and Angel using Pentious's inventions or Cherry letting Angel's employees use her clubs and security and stuff like that? Just like Valentino uses Vox's cameras and other techs for his shootings. So many ways to put it into! And so much fun! Just think of it, really! Ah, well, thank you so much if you read it all. I got myself in rumbling a bit, sorry! But this concept has really flooded my mind today and I really wanted to share it. I also have some funny ideas for other characters in this au (like maybe Husk for Zestial and Veggie for Carmilla and few other roles) but I guess I'll just make a few separate posts maybe. I'll consider it anyway. Thank you! Share you concepts and how you see that, too! I'll be really interested in it!

[shallowseeker]

You said one of your early metas sparked discourse. Can I ask what that is?

I rarely even know when Discourse is happening now. Through some miracle, I got adopted by the coolest mutuals, so. I usually only see the amazing stuff.

One day last year, I kept getting weird rando tags that said stuff like #wait is this the post that sparked all the discourse? #it can't be because this is so sensible and #I don't think the op is saying cas DESERVES to be homeless???? I didn't even know what "'Discourse" was at the time.

Anyway, Someone somewhere apparently called me a Republican. And some others said I blamed ppl for their own homelessness. Some accused me of hating the poor etc etc. And stuff. Anyway, someone was NOT having a good time on Tumblr! I can only imagine that I must have been a stand-in for something someone was Going Through in Real Life.

As for the post...

///

I can't actually find the post (it was on my vent blog, and I'm real bad at tagging, esp back then), but the gist of it was that Castiel is a stubborn asshole, but he's got keen emotional intuition, despite his "lost in translation" shtick.

After he knew the full scope of Sam's terminal illness and the Gadreel-hostile-hostage situation, he pretty immediately and intimately understood the bunker-kick-out situation. (He'd just been tricked by Metatron, too. I mean, hello? He gets it.)

I also mentioned that Castiel has, as far back as season 6 at least, had a tendency to want to be self-sufficient to the point of detrimental self-reliance. (I mean, dude hid key battle tactics from the rebel angels willing to go up against an archangel with him. *cough* Hello, Rachal. Balthazar.) And some ppl hated that. They wanted the root of all of his issues to be solely Sam and Dean.

Anyway, I don't think it's completely out of character for him to get a stiff upper lip about being seen as weak. Plus, he has a history of going radio silent and being cagey about situations, especially when his feelings and pride are hurt, so I simply mused that it's not outside the realm of possibility for him to stuff a bag with whatever cash and cards he's given and jump on a bus ASAP without telling them where he's going.

And Hell, it's not like Sam was never gonna get better. In 9x09, Dean refers to their separation as temporary. "Now, if that means that we keep our distance from you for a little while, then..."

Regardless, when Cas found out the deets of the situation, it all clicked for him.

///

I even pointed out that it seems like Cas walks away from the human experience...*gasp* proud of himself rather than weepy n' traumatized. After he fights the RitZien, he stares down death and says, "I want to LIVE." After that, he gets himself a lil' suit and a car and starts actively going out on cases.

I'll leave you with a thought by one of my fave little dudes: Rob Buckman. He wrote the incredibly famous Breaking Bad News and writes a LOT about weakness and resilience in the face of it. (I found out about him on 99% Invisible podcast btw.)

“The great thing about being ill from my point of view was that I found out that I could tolerate … a fair amount of pain and handicap … total ostracization from my friends and family ... and I didn’t collapse, and I didn’t turn into a different person. I didn't fold like a wet blanket. People can withstand a lot ... isn't that wonderful?"

That's Cas, on the other side of things, after dealing with the struggle of humanity. Sometimes getting to your lowest makes you feel weirdly secure. We get real hung up on, "Well, if it was ME, I'd have been traumatized and melted into a puddle of goo and held a grudge and had intense trust issues over it. " But it's not always a one-to-one-this-trauma-means-you-get-that-type-of-hang-up. Sometimes, we make good meaning from shitty situations, too.

[bitchin-witchin]

Was recently reminded of a fatuichi wip I had from may that's like underground crime syndicate fatui modern au or something and childe is a dancer.

The tsaritsa owns a club where they launder shit and the fatui can hang, maybe the dancers there are under her protection. Childe was taken in as an agent and moved up the ranks, but before he became a harbinger he saw the good money the dancers were making and wanted to take a shot at it, since he got into the criminal scene to get money for his family anyways. Then it turns out to be kind of fun and the fatui are always respectful bc the tsaritsa has them on a short leash and disrespect isn't tolerated. He enjoys the feeling, a different thrill from battle, but similar.

The man of the night is a gunner I named dalimil. It is his birthday! And he is at the club with his homies. He thinks they're just drinking and chillin, as most fatui in the club do tbh, but his friends (a vanguard and some sort of smalll skirmisher) get him a lap dance and it is with... childe!! WHO MAYBE IS ALSO THEIR BOSS? I haven't decided.

Now Dalimil is a fat guy. He's a gunner. And he's p chill but we all have insecurities ykno. So he's not super confident. Hes kind of body shy. But childe is like very comfortable in his body (it's a weapon, a tool that he has trained hard to be at its best so ofc he is proud. It's not even a like "I'm so attractive" it's literally just from how useful he's made himself) and he's not perfect either, like yes every playable character in genshin is pretty but flaws are fun so idk attach whatever flaws u want to childe. I like to give him discolored teeth and maybe they're crooked, has a gap. Basically I give him my teeth LOL. Some other stuff. Scars, etc.

So anyways they're in their private room and childe starts dancing for him, climbs onto his lap and he really has to like CLIMB bc this man is tall and one of his thighs is like the width of childe (pretending that the big skirmisher builds are not augmented and they're just actually that big. Some eremite enemies are v big and they don't have any visual hints of being augmented so let's say the body variety in teyvat just has an insane range LOL). Dalimil is very flustered by how small he makes the harbinger look on his leg man's is discovering his size kink. Even sitting on him childe still has to look up. And childe is tall! He's not tiny. But dalimil is also very conscious of his stomach touching the harbinger bc it comes out pretty far and he's like ahh man ykno like my friends put me up to this, does childe even like this, he's probably just acting, etc.

Childe plays eith the buttons of his top and sees dalimil kind of clamming up so he's like "wanna get comfortable and lose some layers?" And dalimil is like ahh hmm noo it's okay... and childe is like catching on now so he's like "you don't have to hide from me. I want to see. I'm here to make you feel good." But he doesn't like pressure him ykno if dalimil said no he'd be like sure its fine, but if he's open to talking about it then maybe they can work something out.

So maybe childe just opens his shirt slowly. Dancing and stuff while he does it, rubbing his hands over dalimils chest and through his hair. And honestly?? Now dalimil is getting worked up feeling childes body rub over his stomach sometimes while he dances like fucckkkk, the skinnier guys don't get that privilege you know? Ethically bypassing no touching rule. LOL. Anyways they both end up super into it and dalimil comes out of that room more assured that he is desirable now that he's gotten some proof :3.

Ofc u don't need proof to feel desirable but if you're insecure about it it is definitely helpful when it feels positive for you. Also yes, not every fat person is insecure, and not every fat character has to be written that way, but it's what I want for my fic as a fat person myself.

I also I have a playlist for this fic that I occasionally still add song to

If u don't have Spotify and want to listen let me know in replies or reblogs or tags and I will post a other source.

[meggannn]

2022

I didn't read a lot of books, or write a lot of fic, or even watch a lot of TV, but I did play a lot of video games!

my real life is a bit of a controlled mess right now, this year I had a medical procedure and a minor breakdown and moved suddenly because covid malfeasance in the city terrified me and I think I need to be with family right now after we've had several family deaths over the years. one day I'd like to move back there but only when I can afford to live alone, which is definitely not in the cards any time soon with how the rental market is looking.

I am proud that I started posting and finished Tides, Receding this year. because I started writing it... three years ago? oh god I just looked it up and it was Feb 2020 that I made the post that ended up spawning the fic. and I told myself 2022 was the year I'd get it done, it's been sitting in my lap too long, and I did it. (party horn noise)

anyway my 2022 game list is under the cut, check it out for recs or whatever. this does not include the games i replayed, which included HZD, DAI, and FE3H, but lbr I'm always replaying those games in my heart

Puzzle games:

The Last Campfire (4/5): Play as a little... thing...? lost from its companions trying to find its way home. Some of the puzzles were a little too simple but this was a short and sweet game.

TOEM (5/5): Play as a tourist taking photos around various places and cities. perfect little photography game with cute side objectives and diverse landscapes.

Inscryption: I ended up abandoning this one during Part 2 because it just didn't hook me and I was hanging on by a thread with the creepiness as it was, but Part 1 was a lot of fun and I'd recommend it for anyone who's a fan of card games, escape rooms, horror, or Yugioh.

Unpacking (4.5/5): Unpack the protagonist's life across various moves. I loved this, my only criticism is that it was too short; I'd love more levels.

Into the Breach (4.5/5): Play as groups of time travelers trying to stop aliens from taking over several war-torn archipelagos in a turn-based combat system. the actual game (till the end credits) is great, the combat system is clear and intuitive. the story is pretty short, but progress carries over at the end cause time-travel. I could've gotten more mileage out of this one, but ultimately burned out cause I wanted to do more than just play the same levels all over again with different units.

FRAMED collection (3.5/5): I guess? for a cool concept—adjust comic panels and strips to help the characters progress through levels—it was a bit forgettable. still, nice for a few hours and probably cool for big comic fans.

Please Touch the Artwork (3/5): An abstract game that combines puzzles with modern art. Oof. I had to give some stars for effort cause I felt like the concept was cool, but I just couldn't get into this one. someone who enjoys both might like it?

Elli (3.5/5): Play as a guardian in a 3D platformer, search for gems and coins, try not to get swallowed by the time rifts. I remember really enjoying this this fall, but now that I'm writing this wrap-up, I barely remember playing it. I liked the puzzles a lot but I think it went on a little long.

Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion (4.5/5): You're a turnip. You rip up taxes in a sentient veggie world. need I say more.

Later Alligator (3.5/5): Play as an Alligator in Alligator New York City and do puzzles and solve crimes. it's adorable, it is, but I wish it was a little more forgiving; if you fuck up a puzzle, you lose so much time in an already limited day cycle.

Rain on Your Parade (4/5): Play as a cloud. Rain on people's parades, wedding days, office parties, whatever. Snow, thunder, acidic goo, you name it. go goblin mode. probably ideal for kids.

Moncage (3.5/5): solve environmental puzzles within a six-sided cube matching elements up across different sides of the cube to affect the scene. very similar to Goragoa, for the three other people who've played that game. short, beautiful, zen game, but man was it hard sometimes or I’m just an idiot. thank goodness for the hint system

Narrative games:

Heaven's Vault (3.5/5): You play as a young woman charged with tracking down a missing archaeologist across the galaxy with a robot companion. Really cool mechanic in this one where you decipher an ancient language as the main gameplay. RPG style choices set across make me want to rate it higher than I have, but some clunkiness (like not being able to revisit sites once you've left) knock it down. Someone once called this made by people who "want to bring archaeology to games but don't known how to make a game" which I agree with.

Tacoma (5/5): You explore an abandoned corporate space station trying to figure out what happened. Honestly, no notes. Interesting narrative, easy mechanics, great writing, doesn't overstep or overstay its bounds.

When the Past Was Around (3.5/5): got stuck on a couple dumb things that the game wouldn't let me interact with, and some other things were really not that intuitive, but other than that I thought this was short and serviceable, good for an afternoon with a sad story.

Wytchwood (4/5): Play as a witch who's charged with collecting twelve souls to deliver to a talking goat in a fairy-tale world. not really a narrative game but it's not puzzle or an RPG, so here it goes. anyway I had a lot of fun with this game. some of the backtracking was annoying and I wish the resource management was a little easier to, well, manage, but overall I enjoyed it.

Forgotten Fields (3/5): Play as a young author traveling home as his family decides whether to sell their home. Honestly a bit let down by this, there were some clunky mechanics I couldn't get over but it had interesting topics about moving on and finding artistic inspiration.

Adios (4/5): A pig farmer decides to quit his job disposing bodies for the mafia. Great voice work in this one, I enjoyed it; even though you know how it's going to end, they still managed to make it suspenseful.

RPGs/Open-world:

Horizon Forbidden West (3.5/5): I think I've already expressed my thoughts on this one this year but overall: great open-world game, mechanically and visually impressive; just OK story, unless you were a big fan of the first game, in which case the story was a big letdown.

Sable (4.5/5): Play as a young girl on her rite of passage as she travels a harsh world called Midden. hard for me to rate any open-world game as perfect because eventually some parts of it somewhere feel like padding, but despite some technical hiccups, Sable is the peak for me. non-combat, vibes-only, beautiful graphics, incredible soundtrack, easy recommend.

Control (3.5/5): Play as Jesse Faden, who arrives at the Federal Bureau of Control looking for her brother after his disappearance several years ago. this never wow'd me the way it was clearly trying to but I did enjoy it, whenever I could get over my fear of anything that moved. gameplay itself was great and i loved the oldest house as a setting. probably fans of the supernatural/horror genre could appreciate it better.

Citizen Sleeper (4/5): play as a cyborg who arrives on a space station and tries to make their way in the corporate underworld. a bit like Disco Elysium meets Murderbot Diaries. there's no combat, so I'd recommend this to fans of the RPG genre.

Paradise Killer (4.5/5): Play as Lady Love Dies in an island out of time, full of gods and demons and human sacrifices tired of being human sacrifices. Someone has been murdered in Paradise and you have to find out who did it. I had SO much fun with this one and the soundtrack is admittedly a huge reason why. (I'm serious listen to Ego 24-7 and tell me it doesn't get you pumped.)

Persona 5 Royal (4.5/5): the Phantom Thieves steal the hearts of corrupt people throughout Tokyo with their inner Pokemon-like demons and man this concept is cool, the soundtrack is killer, the only thing that fucking sucks is the unapologetic sexism that is unavoidable and irritating AF. (am I a little bitter I paid full price for this only a week before it went on sale for half off, yes. but I got a lot of mileage out of this that week during which when I was preparing for a medical procedure, so.)

God of War (4.5/5): Kratos and Boy travel to the highest peak in the realms to spread his wife's ashes. honestly? it's best enjoyed as a guy who enjoys puzzling going on a long walk with his son. as an action game it's meh.

Marvel's Spider-Man Remastered (5/5): I am PETER PARKER and I can throw MANHOLE COVERS at people while insulting their OUTFITS it is hard to top that

still playing:

Phoenotopia Awakening: A young woman named Gale sets on a journey to rescue the adults in her village after they are all mysteriously kidnapped. I haven't finished this one yet cause I hit a wall but ugh I just want to recommend it somewhere. there is so much love in the little details in this game, so many characters and puzzles and enemy types and history, you can tell so much heart went into this that I'm disappointed it won't get a sequel. my biggest criticism for it is that it is HARD, unnecessarily so at times, and there are no difficulty settings which sucks. but it might be good for Zelda fans or people who are good at 2D platforming, which I am not.

Eastward: Sam and John live in an underground town where travel to the surface is forbidden, until a mysterious event triggers Sam's magical powers and the mayor banishes them... eastward. I want to like this more than I am, the post-apocalyptic concept is very in-line with what I like, but jesus this writing feels like it never saw an editor. it just drags. I don't know how many times I can button-mash past Sam saying "Come on, John!" the game is beautiful, the designers and animators really earned their paychecks, but IDK the jury's still out.

[wench-and-jezebel]

NCIS Reaction: The Curse

Wench (@scripted-downfall) reacts [with (maybe) occasional asides by Jezebel (@typicalopposite)]

Since this is apparently a running part of my reaction, today’s snack report: unfortunately paltry because I have zero appetite.  I am, however, having apple soda again, so all hope is not completely lost!

CROSSBOWWWWW

Beautiful crossbow, actually

I know he just found a body or something, but I'm still stuck on the crossbow because it was pretty

Body it is

[I bet it’s terrorists]  Ya know, we haven’t had terrorists in a whole damn episode; it probably is lksadjf;lk

Tony being good with maps gives me life

They almost left him :(

He had to run to catch up :((((

Not Tony complaining about their lack of funds again (Valid, though)

"How did he get so..."  "I believe 'mummified' is the adjective you're looking for"  Actually, my The Mummy-obsessed mind autofilled "juicy", but that's exactly the opposite end of things

[Ooffff flip phone]  I love flip phones.  Had a flip phone for years and I’d still have one if I could.

TONY, YOU'RE BRILLIANT.  BUDDY JUST SHOWED OFF HIS NAVAL KNOWLEDGE AND I AM PROUD

I can't tell whether to be happy that Gibbs remembered Tony's two-year anniversary as an NCIS officer or be annoyed that he was that dismissive of it. 

Going with annoyed given his subsequent, "Seemed like a good idea at the time"  [With Gibbs, as you’ll see in later episode, he is very protective of Tony but he’s very… I can’t think of another character to compare him to, but he does care about Tony]  

– – –

Here, we paused the show to have a “short” conversation.

Wench: Bobby?

Jezebel: If Bobby’s personality was more like Rufus.  Like Bobby combined with Hotch.  Or… Botch.  If you will

Wench: Well, that's both good to know but also... idk, maybe this is a flaw in my personality, but I always feel like constant ribbing goes too far.  Like, for a Dark Angel parallel, Max and Alec's banter might not have been bad, but it's constant and oppressive and too extensive to be just light-hearted banter.  Her initial "Alec, as in smart-aleck" isn't that bad on its own.  Combine it with everything else, it gets less haha, they're bantering and more damn, she's an asshole to him.  Here, the teasing would have been fine, but now it's kinda wearing.  And I feel like that being your work environment would suck.

Jezebel: And that’s fair. He is very much a grouch teetering towards if not sometimes full on ass hole. But man’s had a hard life and let it make him a hard ass I guess you can say. Lol

Wench: Sure, but he’s mainly only being like this to Tony.  Kate has had a few interactions like this, but not nearly as many.  And Ducky — as mentioned — has to deal with Gibbs interrupting him a lot.  But still, way more Tony than anyone.

Jezebel: Well, Tony’s the one (other than ducky, I think) who’s been with him longer.  Yes it’s normally geared at Tony. And if Tony is your favorite, I’m guessing that would bother you. Initially, Gibbs was my favorite when we first started watching again because I knew the full backstories and what was to come before watching. So I guess I just view it as Gibbs being Gibbs, and they don’t seem hurt by it so it is what it is lol

Wench: I get that, but also… idk, again, maybe I’m putting myself into character roles (not just Tony’s) too much, but that kinda.  Sucks.  Like, I ramble to people and have them walk off without paying attention, or interrupt because what I’m saying is “unimportant,” and yeah, maybe it is, but it’s still something important to me.  So I see Ducky getting interrupted/dismissed, and I know how much that can, frankly, hurt.  (I recognize that me rambling about something frivolous when we’re hanging out doing nothing anyway is different from a rant in the middle of a crime scene investigation, but it doesn’t change things that much.  The point stands.)  Or I see Kate getting disciplined for asking for an explanation, and that irks me because I completely get the importance of understanding why you’re doing something.  (And yeah, I get that sometimes you have to snap to attention and follow orders, but not all of Gibbs’ little that was an order; I don’t answer to you things are in situations that are time-sensitive to that degree.)  Or my family reunions, with nastiness hidden under “teasing.”  You don’t go along with it and you’re “not a good sport” or “too sensitive”, but it’s so oppressive that it wears, and ignoring it becomes vaguely impossible.  There’s so much that it’s not just a slightly-mean-spirited-but-still-funny-haha joke; it’s more serious than that.  (This is the Tony parallel of the story.)  And seeing these dynamics played for laughs is a bit.  Iffy.  To me.

Jezebel: And all that is fair. And is it possible that you’re putting yourself too much in the characters’ shoes, but that’s both fair and kinda a big part of shows in general. And something I don’t think writers consider. Because, iirc, it’s never touched on that any of this bothers either Tony or Ducky, and both will fight to the death over Gibbs, as would Kate (except she has repeatedly fought him on her thing 😂).  And by fight, I mean also in a sense of if someone came and was like you’re a horrible person look how you treat them. They would be like whoa ho no stop! Leave him alone

Wench: I mean… tbf, them defending him doesn’t mean that much.  Just pointing out that Dean would do that for Sam

Jezebel: Fair, but Dean also expresses things Sam does to hurt him. Again, iirc, that’s NEVER touched on here.  (Ok, maybe not EXPRESSES, but you know they do.)   Also, to this: they are brothers and Dean has been raised to do NOTHING but protect and love Sam. And to put him about everything. Tbf, Gibbs is just Tony’s boss and Ducky’s coworker (I don’t think he’s his boss).  They don’t HAVE to care so much for him. They just do.

Wench: So, tbf, that was just an example of how someone’s personal willingness to defend treatment does not automatically make it good treatment… but, r.e. your point about them not having to care about GIbbs: that doesn’t change the fact that they do.  And they largely seem to respect him.  So his judgement still matters, even if it doesn’t have to.

Wench again, but a slightly separate topic: I do think that a large part of the issue is that this is the comic relief.

Jezebel: Yes!!!  It’s very…  I can’t think of the word. The show is a serious and sometimes dark show.  I think it might get better for you as it goes

Wench (continued from above): But they only show the filler, and not much of their other interactions.  So their relationships basically come across as "Gibbs 'banters' with Tony about disrespecting him" without actually showing the parts where he does the respecting that would counterbalance it.  (yet).  Or "Gibbs doesn't care about Ducky's rambling interests and seems to think him a bit doddering" without showing the conversations where that doesn't happen.

Jezebel: Fair

Wench: And I get that's not the focus of the show, so the writers didn't prioritize it... but it's still important.  It's the difference, imo, between direct characterization and implied characterization.  This show currently is very... surface-level.  There's no need — or desire, seemingly, on the behalf of the writers — for analysis by the audience; everything important thus far is simple and spelled out.  The script more or less says that Gibbs respects Ducky; thus, Gibbs respects Ducky.  And, since the script says it, they don't need to actually write it because obviously it's true.  That's the direct characterization bit, and, until it's directly contradicted, that's just the status quo.

Jezebel: Yes, and that’s what I mean when I said that the writers didn’t consider viewers taking the banter personally and it coming across as rude instead of funny.

Wench: Whereas I'm looking at the indirect characterization and seeing nothing to support this direct characterization.  There's not much underlying respect to their interactions.  Aside from when Ducky's actually giving facts about the case, every interaction has been Gibbs shutting Ducky up.  (e.g. walking out/hanging up on one of their conversations, etc.)  So, intellectually, am I surprised that none of the team is ever negatively harmed (ostensibly, at least) by Gibbs' personality?  No.  The side of their relationships that would make it healthy are just always happening off screen or something.  I'm just saying that the characterization is inconsistent depending on whether they're talking on screen or not, and taking the on-screen interactions as a sign of how they interact off screen makes things a lot less happy-funny-haha than it's intended.

Jezebel: Yeah, that all makes sense. Just, like I’ve said before, I don’t dive that deep into stuff, so that’s why I initially don’t get it. But I get it 🙂

Wench: That sounds vaguely like I'm browbeating you into agreeing.  Plz tell the reaction viewers (and me) that I'm not doing this alkdsfj 

Jezebel: I think I’m at the point where I see that you take the characterization very seriously, judging by what you’re saying.  And I take what the script says for what it says, if that makes sense.  

Wench: Yeah, I follow.

Jezebel: But I can tell you that it’s not that deep or whatever, and you can know it’s not that deep because you see in the script that it’s not supposed to be that deep.  This is just supposed to be comic relief.  But if you’re still affected by it like it is that deep, that’s fair, and who am I to say you’re in the wrong for that, you know?  Or anyone else for that matter.

Wench: Yeah, I get what you’re saying.  And I doubt I will stop commenting on them being mean to Ducky or Tony (or maybe even Kate, sometimes, especially if I start liking her more), but I recognize (and, technically, have since the beginning of the show) that it’s not as serious a thing as I’m saying.  I know it's comic relief and a very surface view of writing, intellectually, but I still want to remark on it, emotionally.  You know?

Jezebel: Yeah that’s fair

Wench: Ready to continue?

Jezebel: Yeah, but hold on let me heat up my (normal) food

Wench: ljlaskdjflkadjf rude

Jezebel: 😂😂😂😂

Thus concludes the “short” conversation that lasted 50 minutes.

– – – 

The British side of me is annoyed by the “lootenant” instead of “leftenant.”  (No, I’m not British; I was just raised on British Isles television.)

Abby is adorable

Kate's hair being so long and unrestrained bugs me

Abby is still adorable.

Oof, poor dude being charged as a deserter :(  BUDDY WAS DEAD  [Right ?!?]

Bravo, Tony.  Research skills!

Not them being mean about his research skills :(

Okay, the conversation about GIBs vs Gibbs is kinda funny [😂😂]

"You took the easy way"  Accurate. Go off, Tony

Tony and Gibbs in chorus is rather funny, ngl, but also.  Gibbs, leave off the "if" statement if it changes nothing about the outcome alkdsjf

I do appreciate Ducky chatting to the corpses every episode  [It’s gonna be sad eventually]  Oof  [That’s all I say]

THE LIGHT BOARD IS SO COOL

Also, vaguely adorable that he remembered the case by connecting it to Gibbs

Once again, the emphasis on his rambling is a touch sad but whateverrrrr

Gibbs not listening to him even about the case tho ("No!  I just told you...")

aksdjflkasjdf "*heavy sigh*  Well, looks like we're gonna have to go to Hawai'i, boss."

Oof, the talk of ages  [I feel ya Gibbs]

I appreciate Tony giving shit back to Gibbs this time

Dude, his age is bound to be in his file somewhere

Tony... affectionately, shut up :)  [Tony done put him in his feelings]

Oof.  "He'll be exonerated?"  Um... 'bout that.

Damn, six years isn't bad!  Though, btw, Randy is automatically a bit suspicious.  Was he in the service?

Something about the wife's acting in this scene is also a bit suspicious, but I don't think it's intended to be.

[OH DAMN.  He died the day she was born; that sucks]

Damn, Gibbs, go off.

I will give you that Gibbs' acting does a bit to cover up the writing issues; he's clearly harsher and more serious when he's actually angry at someone than when he's bantering.  (e.g. that agent vs Tony/Ducky/et al)

This time, Tony's the one harping on a joke lakdsjf [😂😂😂]

Gotta love adrenaline-junkie!Tony coming back for an episode

BRINGING BACK ABBY’S SIGNING!!!

– – –

Okay, midpoint reaction time…

I honestly think this episode is better in the writing.  It's really ironic that we just had the discussion above on the episode (other than the pilot) that's actually been not-bad on the "teasing" front.  For one thing, it's far less restricted to one person.  Gibbs, Ducky, Tony, Kate, even Abby... they've all had moments where they're teasing and moments where they're being teased.  For another... idk, it's all hanging together better.  There are moments where each character gets to be shown as blatantly competent on screen.  Gibbs, obviously, has one as the main character, but you've also got Ducky exhibiting his stellar knowledge of autopsies (past and present), and Tony rattling off random naval/geographical facts, and Kate handling research/next-of-kin interviews on her own, and Abby doing her own awesome lab stuff.  This is the first episode — except, again, maybe the pilot — in which I didn't feel like most of them were reduced to archetypes (the mad scientist; the jester; the techie; etc)  [🙂]

Storyline is interesting — no terrorists quite yet, though — and decently paced thus far; we’ll see if that continues.  Uh... it's getting late and I'm out of things to say rn; stay tuned!

– – –

alkjfalkj Abby and Tony, the duo I needed

Damn, an actually enjoyable interaction between Kate and Tony  [☠️☠️]

Still loving Abby's fashion, lab appropriate or no

"What schmuck?"  "Our schmuck, unfortunately" alksdfj

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT RANDY BEING SUSPICIOUS [😂😂😂😂]  One of these days, I'm gonna actually solve the case before they do successfully.  (I still maintain that the last one should have been a computer virus)  [☠️😂]

Not Tony harping on the funds again alskdfj  “First class toilet?”

“How old do you think Gibbs is?”  aslkdfj

Never trust chick flicks, I swea-  YES, GIBBS, AGREED  [☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️]

[I love that after that whole “short” interaction…. You have had twenty moments of Gibbs being different ☠️]  I know, I’m crying.  I’ve made a fool of myself.  Our readers will never trust me again.  (I SWEAR IT WAS ACCURATE IN THE OTHER EPISODES OKAY)

[I’m ded at how he said Gibbs] aklsdjf

“I don’t even want to hear the word ‘curse’ out of your mouth, DiNozzo.”  “Would I say that, boss?”  “You said it to me.”  [“You said it first”]

[She’s got the smirk of a guilty person.  GUILTY]  Tis true. But also, is this your reaction!?!?!?  :)))  [*silence*]  This was a joke; please keep doing it  [😂😂😂]

… [Well shit]  Damn, she's got receipts.  Literally.

Abby and Ducky, my dears, I love you

[Not a niblick]

This is called "how many times can we say 'niblick' in one scene" [☠️☠️☠️☠️]

I like her necklace again

"... my dear"  "... my darling"  I love them

[Guiltyyyyy]

He said the word "fraternize"; that's a yes on the romance (GOmens vibes)

"That wans't in your report"  "It didn't seem pertinent"  It's always pertinent, my dude.

Oop, Tony's flirting smile makes an appearance

"Do not 'sir' m-"  [*simultaneously* Do not sir me]  Oi.  [= Tony called me old and now my feelings be hurt]  alksdjf;lkasdjf ACCURATE  [The reading part still kills me. ‘Cause same my dude. My old dude]  :(  [I have to take my glasses off to read☠️]

You can tell things are getting intense; the music is picking up

I really want it to be Randy, plz.  I called it and I wanna be rightttttt.

Abby's getting so many good scenes; I love her  [Yessss]  Like her music too, btw.  [😂]

“Speaking of big boys”  [👀 that’s why people ship you two, Tony]  I mean.... Steddie quotes…  But also, no.  I don't like it.  Please, no.  [☠️☠️☠️☠️  Hurry up and appear McGee]  Yeah, I, uh… I don’t like it.  Their characters just.  Don’t work.  Imo.

Who’s snoring?  [☠️☠️☠️☠️ That meeee.  I’m Gibbs]  alskdjflaksdjf rude.  Don't you dare.  I need you to proof this before I post  [Ok lol]

TONY'S HAIR

"I'll get them to confess" mmmhmmm

Another good Kate-and-Tony interaction

aslkdjflkasdjf "hermetically sealed" gives me Now You See Me flashbacks.  "That's it: I'm allergic to hermetic seals"  

[Ooooooh…  I hate her]  Yeahhhh  [Get her Kate]  Okay, I confess, I appreciate Kate’s passion here  [Chick fight.  Pull her hair.]

Kasjdflkasdjf THE ANIMATION OF THE CRIME

alksjdf poor Abby, getting her animation slighted.  I knew I didn't like that petty officer chick; "petty" is right

[Hinky]  HINKY.  Such a good word.

[☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  Noooooo, I’m ded]  Did.  Did they legit say that she.  Walked by.  And distracted the other servicefolk.  Because she turned heads.

ONCE AGAIN.  WHY DOES ANYONE TRUST THE NCIS ANYMORE. THEY'RE ALWAYS LYING.

[So many.  SOOOOO MANNNYYY.  Episodes end with that elevator shutting.]  aksldjflkasjf

*elevator shuts*

– – –

Okay.  Um.  I’m aggravated.  Not because the writing/acting/characterization was bad, because it wasn’t.  But because.  After I spent all that time detailing how it’s been bad in the past.  They then went: PSYCH.  And changed the handling of the entire cast and character list.  I liked it better, don't get me wrong, but those were not the characters who'd been in every past episode since the pilot.  Jezebel, please tell me you agree.

Anyway... I enjoyed that episode, so I'm pleasantly surprised.  The Abby interactions with everyone else were delightful.  The team was a bit less archetypal/formulaic.  The comedic relief was lighter, less implied-to-be-harmful-even-if-directly-stated-as-not.  I liked Kate this episode; she had a lot of Max's positive traits and very few of her negative ones: smart, capable, and impassioned, but not rude, arrogant, or logic-blind.  Gibbs was a lot more of a grouchy mentor figure (affectionate) than a grouchy mentor figure (derogatory).  And the others, of course, I loved.  I always do, though, so that's not a surprise.

And I'm realizing that you're definitely asleep or something, aren't you, Jezebel.  [*silence*]  I think that’s a yes.

Welp.

Okay, then.

This is great.

Ummmmmmm.  *nervous chuckle*  Not that I’m paranoid about posting my reactions without Jezebel beta’ing them, but I’m abso-freaking-lutely paranoid about posting my reactions without her beta’ing them.  Also, I literally cannot post this without her say-so because it has her words in it, and I have to get her consent.  But, I have work tomorrow and I kinda wanted to post this before I went to bed.  But, I’m tired.  But- [I’m awake, lol.  And 😂😂😂😂😂 I agreee (about the characters) It THRILLLS me that this happened this particular episode]  SHE LIVES!  Muahahahah, I can post on time.  This midnight conversation with myself is still staying in the reaction, however, because I find it hilarious.

Hope you enjoyed our wackiness, and the random way this show seems to thrive on proving me wrong… ‘Til next time!