#Anyway I have raging autism and this is what I think about

[astro-b-o-y-d]

What does it all mean?

[neil-gaiman]

Hi Neil.

I know you are flooded with asks and this somehow became extremely long. Too long. “Why am I suddenly telling this poor man my life story?” too long. “I think I’d rather he work on the GO3 script than read this wild beast” too long. “He’s going to think you’re criminally dangerously insane” too long. If you never get to it, I’m good with never seeing a response from you. Maybe it’s better that way? Maybe an anon would have been nice here. But, it’s 2024, so I say “we ball.” It’s a privilege to be able to send this to you at all. You get a lot to this effect and I hope they give you good feels, so maybe what’s the harm, yeah? Because this is not an ask. This is a thank you letter.

First, thanks for reblogging my therapist post, I hope it amused you. I nearly sent you “How am i supposed to explain this to my therapist?!” But refrained. At that time.

So, therapy. What is therapy really? Well…

Things have been really rotten for as long as I can remember. Bad health, bad doctors, bad relationships, bad coping mechanisms, bad all kinds of things. (Yeah, bad is a weak and unhelpful word, my therapist reminds me, but we’re doing this.)

Well, things got even more really really rotten and BAD these last few years. Health declined further, coping mechanisms declined further and more intensely, packed up my life, applied for disability, moved back in with my parents across the country.

Then 4 years ago last week I watched my fiance die of a sudden heart attack. I was 29. Two years later my best friend died. Then last summer I sauntered vaguely into a cancer scare. Not long before an operation my cat who has been my companion through so much garbage died as well. I’m not entirely in the clear on the cancer scare front. All my attempts at going back to work, volunteering, going to grad school - they collapsed on me because I couldn’t get through this STUFF.

(Sometimes when I talk about this, when I tell people, I think “they are going to think you are a raging pathological liar.” Because I’m not sure I would believe someone if they told me all of this happened to them. In such a short time period. All before they were 35. And hell if that hasn’t been isolating. You know how it sounds? Lonely. And it is.)

I did the hypervigilant and sensation/experience chasing stage of PTSD. It got me in a lot of trouble in all kinds of ways. I had to do a lot of medical and psych advocating because things kept getting worse. That was exhausting. Then that peaked. I went into the thick of the “I feel absolutely nothing” stage for a long time. I didn’t feel fatigue or hunger or thirst. Not people, feelings, a reason. Not hope.

But of course, like seems be for a lot of us, I somehow found Good Omens at just the right time. I was a very “I’m so cool and intellectual I mostly consume non-fiction media” person for too long. Like, what? How is that even a real thing? And it wasn’t real. It was just part of this curated autism mask that I don’t think anyone really bought anyway.

I think I got to a point where I’d just had too much reality. I needed fantasy. I didn’t realize I always needed it. But I denied myself for too many odd and painful reasons. Maybe I thought it was an escape I didn’t deserve.

But as it turns out, it wasn’t an escape. I watched both seasons last fall, and then this light came on. I watched it again and again.

I came to tumblr because I needed more. I found this fandom. I stepped into this beautiful world of fanart and fanfiction and brain flexing meta writing and a sense of community and wonder that you and Terry created - that everyone involved in the show inflated - exploded in the right way - like fireworks if fireworks were some kind of autocatalytic reaction - a self perpetuating force.

It’s not a “saved my life” feeling. Not a “getting my life back” feeling. It’s been a “maybe it’s time for you to have the life you’ve always been denied - that you’ve denied yourself” feeling.

I’m creating. I’m not “great” yet. Not terribly “good” at all. Maybe “behind” as far as the “proper” timeline for starting. I know there isn’t one, not really, but boy does that society machine make ya feel like there is. And sure, I started and stopped a lot in the past. But the second it got hard I always gave up. I felt like if I didn’t get it “right” to begin with, then I just didn’t have it in me at all. But for once I’m really in it. I’m writing and trying to draw things that look less like fever dream five year old drawings. (Not that there’s anything wrong with those, is there? 🙃) I’m eating better. I’m sleeping better. I reach out to old friends more. I’ve made new friends who share this love of Good Omens.

My therapist has been floored by the change in me. After that first funny mini flop, he has been so encouraging about it. I saw him this week and I said “Maybe this is helping me get prepared to start living again. Maybe it’s a springboard.” And he honest to god said “But You ARE living. This is YOU LIVING. Why does it have to be a springboard? Why do you have to turn this into ‘work?’ Just let yourself have this for once in your life.”

But there were two more added elements that made it all work. And I can’t help but think this whole brainrot thing wouldn’t have happened without them. So many things just happened all at just the right time - a proper coincidence.

In all of the madness of the last few years I finally got the memo that I'm autistic. i figured I was for a while. But it finally sunk in for me and my docs and my people. So I’d been working on unpacking that. Grieving the life that could have been entirely different, shedding the mask. I let myself hyperfixate openly instead of hiding it and hating myself for “spiralling” or “obsessing” like others -!like ‘I’ always punished myself for before we knew that it was a trait and not a personality flaw.

Then over the last few months my therapist and I started trying this new exercise. One session he stopped me and said “in the last 20 minutes you have responded to what I’ve said with 9 ‘I knows.’” My response to that? “Ugh, I know.” So we started this “I know” swear jar type situation. Really, I’ve been afraid of not knowing. I couldn’t let myself “not know.” Because it meant I was “dumb.” I was just drowning for so long in guilt and self loathing for the “I knew better and screwed up anyway.” Or “I should’ve known better - I should know that by now.”

As it turns out, there’s a lot of things I don’t know. That I didn’t know. Things I will never know. And refusing to admit all of that kept me from learning a damn thing. Kept me from asking questions. Kept me from trying new things because it was scary to do something new - something unknown - and I "knew" how it would all turn out anyway. Kept me from connecting with people because it was painful or embarrassing when they knew things I didn’t and it seemed like I already should have. Kept me from getting better at making art, music, writing. Kept me from forgiving myself. Kept me from growing. And kept me from moving forward. Maybe not on. I don’t know if we ever “move on” from things. But we can move forward as we carry them. And as we do, the weight gets less. We’re able to carry it better. But only if we can admit that we don’t know how. Only if we don’t treat ourselves like this is something we do know or should know and we’re just failing because we’re less than. Not good enough. Not strong enough. Not deserving. We have to be able to say “I don’t know how to do this.” And then we can start looking for the answers. We can ask. We can learn.

I thought about the apple. Being able to tell the difference between good and evil. Aziraphale’s years and years of watching what he “knows” to be true be proven wrong. Crowley’s need to ask questions…

The simple and enormous gift of “Knowledge.” The “Knowledge” of the difference between Good and Evil. The “Knowledge” that can only be gained by realizing, accepting, admitting that there are things we don’t know. Asking the questions. Sometimes we get answers we don’t like. Sometimes the consequences of asking hurt us. And unless you want to stay in that painful place that painful knowledge got you, well, you’ve got to let yourself learn how to get out.

So all of this good? I never expected this. I never thought I deserved it. Joy and belonging and this sense that “Yeah, maybe things can get better. Maybe things can be good.” Because I said those things, not truly believing them, to the people I thought needed to hear it. But it couldn’t save them. It was hollow. The proof for us wasn’t really in our orbit or on our radar at the time. And now they’re gone.

People always say “it’s never too late.”

One of the people I lost said “it’s later than you think.”

I jokingly would respond “it’s already too late.”

It was for him in the end. For them. For some people I guess it really is. But maybe a lot of the “too late” people are there because they think “they know” that things will never be good for them. So they stop looking, they stop asking, stop finding. And eventually they just stop.

Then there came Crowley’s “It’s always too late.” The first time I heard it I thought “For sure, Crowley-cakes, I KNOW.”

But then…I just needed to rewatch the whole thing. And lines like that…familiar things…familiar themes…I was suddenly identifying with these characters. I suddenly saw myself. And the realization hit - I connected with something! Something new. And I FELT THAT. And that tiny little crack that made in the wall was just enough to start breaking it down. Yeah, when you start letting yourself feel after not feeling for so long, opening up to the good feelings means opening up to feelings and then the bad ones come out too. But when there IS good … it helps you balance. You can deal with the bad a little better because you’ve got the good thing to lean against when it gets too much. And now you’ve got feelings. You’ve got good and bad. You’ve got sticky foggy grey. You’ve got life.

Whew.

So, TLDR, thank you. From the bottom of my slowly healing heart, thank you.

And to sign off with some shits and giggles… I couldn’t find this in existence as a sticker so I had to custom order. Perhaps this will spread misery and panic among the humans of my city - or at least a malignant and creepy sense of unease.

Or maybe they’ll say “wtf” and go home and google it and they’ll fall into the Good Omens hole they never knew they needed too.

Thank you for this. I never quite know what to say to messages like this apart from I am really glad that it helps. (It becomes the weird extra piece that I worry about when writing season 3 -- hoping that it will be that thing again. Not just a story, but something that helps people feel and helps with healing and helps with love.)

[silvers-not-home]

rewatching double life right now but through jimmys pov and just realized how violently ill rancher duo makes me /aff

like there's no way there's a duo THIS healthy in this series. the whole fucking point of the life series is betrayal and deception and blah blah blah all that jazz but rancher duo never did any of that. they always told eachother their plans, ideas, schemes, where they were going. and even if they didn't cough cough jimmy going into the deep dark cough cough he still came clean and told tango anyways. we have someone who's death is such a staple in the fandom/series that it's become a whole thing and someone who's death you go "oh yeahhh i forgot about that one, how'd he die again?"

they're both so ignored and the fact that they pay so much attention to eachother literally makes me sick to my stomach /hj /aff

like i don't know much about flower husbands but like. i know it probably wasn't.. the healthiest of any of the ships so take my words with a grain of sand here. jimmy was practically invisible to scott no hate love him to death but c!scott IS on my hit list and tango is just so blatantly ignored by the watchers and other members sometimes i literally forget he's there and when i do my autism shoots up like a firework.

jimmy is mocked in a /lh way but we're talking abt their c!versions so that might not be as lighthearted as you think c!jimmy sorry bud so much to the point no one takes him seriously and tango is so forgotten that no one takes him seriously. though they might not be taken seriously when they're together they're still known throughout the server. jimmy has what tango doesn't: patience and less impulsive thinking. and tango has what jimmy doesn't: rage and more tactical thinking.

while tango is going absolutely apeshit over the ranch burning down and everyone is basically taunting him, making him even more upset as if either of them need that jimmy is the one to hold tango back. he doesn't want him rushing in not because they share health and trying to keep himself safe desert duo im looking at you, you toxic bastards /aff but because he genuinely CARES about him. because when they go after scar and grian they want to be prepared and logical about their attacks. he'll still listen and follow through with tangos plan but not when they don't have one, he was so excited to bring the warden to grian and scar because he genuinely believed that they would get revenge the safe way (as safe as you can get anyways)

and when the plan backfired he didn't get mad or upset at tango. he helped him through it with the knowledge they could both die just by one small slip up but damnit if he's gonna take them out he's standing tall next to him.

they never got mad at eachother. not when the plans backfired or when jimmy died and lost all his stuff and had to travel across the whole server just to not get his stuff back or when jimmy went into the deep dark, putting them both in danger or when tango got them both killed in the FIRST EPISODE, activating his curse again (i know it wasn't technically jimmy that died but he still lost a life so i'm counting it anyways shut up)

because grian would've been pissed (talking about character versions still stick with me here) at scar if the roles were swapped, probably would've kept him at their base for the whole damn season actually. but jimmy listened to tango, obviously he was upset but never at tango. he just wanted to know what lead up to that and from that they made a plan.

the difference between team rancher and desert duo is when scars falling grian yells out for him, not because he cares about scars safety but because he cares about his safety.

meanwhile when tangos falling jimmy jumps after him while screaming his name, making sure that if he's going to die it's tangos name staining his tongue and without the selfish intent of keeping himself safe.

because when grain looks into scars eyes he only sees himself. meanwhile when jimmy looks into tangos eyes he sees tango looking back.

[ladyyatexel]

Hey, what's up, hello, I'm Xel, I truly have Donald Duck levels of bad luck and yet I do not have the rage button that makes things work out if I throw a tantrum, which feels like yet another failure of media, what is the deal with this.

The deal is:

Temp job had to let me go instead of make me permanent because the economy scared the 5 people over 65 in that department out of feeling safe enough to retire

None of my applications are getting interviews and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Donald Duck tantrum did not assist me in this realm.

Holy shit seasonal depression I can't get out of bed like.... A Lot.

I have a convention to go to in February where I am selling art in the art show and where I will see many of my friends the only time per year.

I'm scared of everything haha wow 😬

I'm am an artist who just feels too upset and worried to art

I'm having trouble getting everything together and maybe will feel better with some level of stability? I need to do a lot of paperwork. It is proving hard. I have the Tumblr popular suspicions about my level of neurodivergance. (Fun story: I told members of my my family that I have thought in the last two years especially that I might have ADHD or Autism or something, and my cousin said, "Oh, honey *just the last two years?*" Obliterated.)

My abusive dad recently joined a cult and my grandmother thinks he'll try to contact me after 15 years and I'm fucking scared of him and that is Affecting Me in A Way boy howdy.

I do not have the money to pay rent even a little bit! I'm trying to get January and February taken care of maybe? So I can try to exist for this period of time and maybe not have a breakdown or get evicted or something?

Some real not awesome medical junk happening also because why not.

SO, I'm doing Tumblr's favorite thing and being a starving queer artist with brain worms who needs help. If you are interested in helping me out and making a donation to the "Why don't my Donald Duck tantrums solve my problems" fund, I would be Really Grateful.

I am on Ko-Fi, which is really just a funnel to PayPal, over here.

$2500 would keep me on solid ground. I'll try to keep a tally here in a read more along with a expenses tally if that would help you feel better about me! I know I've had to ask frequently in the last few months, so I understand thinking I'm full of it.

I have a commission to finish currently and a few buttons and things that need to be mailed. You could also ask for button and commission, but I am doing prep work for my part of the art show in mid February, so I'm not available until after then for that!

My grandfather used to do a Donald Duck impression that was really good and it convinced me that either he WAS Donald Duck or that old people all knew how to do this because they all talked like this in the era Donald Duck was from.

Here is Ko-Fi again. If there's something you'd like to see me post or unearth in atonement, let me know. If you'd like other places to aim your dead green American presidents, I can give you that too.

Thanks for reading and/or reblogging! Tell me how Donald Duck's freakouts impacted you. Take care of yourselves!

Rent is $710/month, so 1420 is January and February.

65 for the internet, 130

65 for car insurance, 130

65 for electric unless I can get the assistance plan up again, same 130

250 to survive at the con maybe?

Also just like food until i can get the foodstamps stuff sorted??

Gas???

Anyway, that's an idea of what and why, if that is helpful.

Jan 8:

We are at $460!

Thanks!

[4pplec0re]

What's your fav thing about misha ☝️☝️ and what do you find interesting about his character

dont get me going

not sure about my favorite thing but i find him interestingin general... i love misha bachynskyi i need him under a microscope. using this ask as a microscope.

misha is so. god i wish i was better at words but this is MY blog i will yap however i want. anyway im so sad hes either mostly talked about because people find gus halper attractive or completely dumbed down. this man is SMART! he knows four languages! that is insanely difficult to do! why cant we have a hyper masc character who is also very emotional that isnt dumbed down or valued simply for his looks? misha is my favorite character and its so hard because then im lumped in with these people that mischaracterize him to such an insane level...... also please for the love of god everyone knows how much i love nisha i love nisha on such a Normal level but holy shit guys can we think about these two separately. please. im begging you, their personalities are not simply there to compliment each other. theyre their own characters!!!!!! anyway, misha. oh god i had more i wanted to say but i forgot it all fuck its overUm. OH YEAH i like how emotional that guy is. he feels his emotions so strongly whether it be rage, passion, sadness, excitement... just like me fr... ummmmmmmm autism beast. or something. i dont know. brain words dont come out good. im just waffling now. im no character analysist i just really really like misha bachynskyi

this turned into more of a rant of things youve heard on my priv already but alas. tumblr hasnt heard it

anyway guys ive got soooo many misha gifs uploading on tenor rn bc i was upset at the lack of gifs of just him!!!!! theyre still pending review but ive got more gifs too so if you wanna see my gifs just search 4PPLEC0RE on tenor

hes stimming ^^^^^^^^^

[baphometsss]

something i really like about the way these guys are written is that they respond pretty realistically to the situation given their ages and what's going on

like crystal is going through some shit and she has some ugly emotions/reactions to that but she's also a teenage girl with amnesia and an abusive ex and is also psychic so she's understandably very overwhelmed--idk i think that anger is a pretty normal reaction to what she's going through

charles has oodles of repressed rage and trauma from his frankly crappy life but he doesn't really have the words to describe what he feels and it manifests through rage and deflection. maybe it's just me being the youngest of five boys but that is very typical teenage boy behaviour

edwin is a repressed edwardian gay and while he's able to intellectually understand his emotions, he has a hard time actually letting himself feel them fully, and that's def him being a product of his time but also he's very autism-coded and has a hard time figuring out and understanding what others are feeling, so he comes off as bit of a prat sometimes and it's not all just jealousy imo

niko is emotionally kind of shut down in the beginning bc she's in mourning and she's isolated herself from others in order to process it. she's arguably the most emotionally intelligent one of them all bc she's able to recognise her own behaviour, largely without having it pointed out to her, but her response of self-isolating and immersing herself in fantasy is very very similar to my own maladaptive coping strategies that i developed after also being bereaved as a teenager

anyway i'm just saying that it's nice when writers actually write for their characters ages. i know other ya series (cough heartstopper cough) where the characters all sound like therapists despite only being about 15 or 16 years old. it's messy but it has to be bc it's real. like your brain does not fully know what it's doing emotionally until you're in your 20s and it becomes very apparent once you reach that age and can see how fast you develop at that point in your life

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for yelling at my mom because of incense?💭

( emoji so I can recognise my submission and this is a hella long post so be warned)

So I (16F) really hate smoke. And I mean beyond the regular hate, I mean like the moment I smell smoke I instantly become very, very angry. I'm not sure why exactly, I suspect it might be because I'm on the autism spectrum but I haven't been officially diagnosed so take this with a grain of salt. Also just to clarify, I have no lung issues which would cause me to be extra effected by smoke, it's almost entirely psychological.

My mom (50F) got into this whole spiritual circle stuff about a year ago and does meditation thingies. Involves a lot of rituals, crystals and incense. Not entirely sure the exact reason why but the important thing is this means she is lighting incense almost everyday. As a result, on most days the house smells like smoke. I have told her quite a few times to ventilate properly if she's going to use it but I feel like every time I enter the main room of the house it smells like smoke. However I can manage this by simply shutting my door to avoid getting a lungful of smoke. No, the thing that pisses me off are her "cleansing sessions." This is where she goes through the house waving an incense stick everywhere to "purify the bad spirits." This means I have absolutely nowhere in the house to escape from the smoke and often get forced outside to escape. I have tolerated these "cleansing sessions" a few times but on the most recent one, it happened to be raining extremely heavily. This meant that I was stuck. In a house FILLED with the smell of smoke.

I tried to keep myself calm for a while by ventilating the smoke from under a blanket but even then I could still smell it and it made me raging mad. So I then proceeded to stomp up to my mom and yelled at her. I said some very nasty things which I'm not proud of saying. They were very personal insults mostly pertaining to how her beliefs were bullshit and about her insecurities. We had a shouting match over it which ended in her telling me to go back to my room.

Why I think I could be the asshole here is because:

A. I could have more clearly stated beforehand that I wanted her to stop cleansing my room or at the very least she needs to turn the aircon on when she burns incense.

B. She didn't really deserve the things I said to her. She's a sensitive person and I know it probably deeply hurt her even if she didn't act like it in the moment.

C. I didn't mention it earlier but I have a brother (17M) who has athsma. He has never had any problem breathing or any complaints about my mom burning incense. If anyone would be affected by this the most it would be him and yet he doesn't care. So I feel like I just really overreacted.

Why I think I might not be the asshole here is because:

A. I have asked her before that she ventilate the house properly when she does her meditations and yet every time I can smell it. Sometimes she wont even open the windows so I have to do it myself.

B. She knows how much I dislike the smell of smoke. I have said multiple times how I hate it and every time I have smelt it in the house I've been very obviously annoyed. There was even once incident where our neighbours were having a bonfire and I literally could not sleep in my room because I could smell smoke and had to sleep on the couch. Every time she's done one of these "spiritual cleansings" I have also made it abundantly clear how much I hate this but she doesn't seem to care because it usually forces me outside.

C. As before mentioned, my brother has athsma. While it may not seem like it bothers him I don't know what the long term consequences may be for his lungs. And for my lungs too! Like, I'm not an expert but I don't think regularly breathing in smoke is very good for you. She argues it's "real natural smoke" so it's fine and I told her she should try breathing near a wildfire to see how she liked "real natural smoke."

Anyways, with all these facts considered, random strangers on the internet, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[katboykirby]

Autistic Beel is very real to me personally, as an autistic person (special interest, not very expressionate, etc). I also very much agree with the Satan and Levi headcanons too.

Oh this is interesting because I don't think I've heard about an autistic! Beel HC before? Usually (in my experience anyway) it's autistic! Levi and very very occasionally autistic! Satan

Now, full disclosure that I'm not autistic myself, so any information I'm familiar with comes from research + the experiences of my irl partner, who got his autism diagnosis as an adult. (I do have ADHD and I know that there's some relation/overlap there, but I'd still trust the words and experiences of actual autistic people over my own)

And I can definitely see some aspects of autism in Beel! Like you said, he doesn't tend to show much of any particularly strong emotions, at least not openly or on the surface - he tends to keep a fairly flat expression (and his usual frown could be interpreted as the classic neurodivergent "resting bitch face" aha) and his voice clips reflect this as well - he's definitely not as affective as say, Mammon or Asmo! Beel is a lot more quiet than his brothers, on average. He's not really very emotive or expressive outside of specific or extreme situations. Although, I don't tend to go for the romantic options with him or read his personal Devilgram stories all that often (since I'm a Satanfucker) but I'm aware that he's usually more emotive in romantic moments with MC, or when things get tense/dramatic with his family.

Speaking of which, something that we do occasionally see is Beel losing his temper and becoming very angry - to the point that he loses control of himself and goes on rampages. The most significant examples of this in the main story would be Lessons 4 and 5 of the original game, when he flies into a rage over some custard and ends up destroying half of MC's room; and the whole plotline in Nightbringer revolving around Beel's rampage at the royal castle that almost resulted in Diavolo having to lock him up because of how much destruction he caused. I know that "autism rage" is pretty negatively stereotyped (unfairly so, in my opinion) but anger is definitely a real struggle for individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders

The whole food thing is definitely interesting in this context as well (and I assume this is what you meant by "special interest?" Lmk if I'm wrong) because Beel is the complete opposite of the common autism stereotypes when it comes to food! We often see the idea of autistic individuals having a very limited scope of foods that they actually enjoy, because things like texture, flavour, and sensation are all very different and experienced in a different way than neurotypicals. Autistic individuals are stereotyped as "picky eaters" because it's common for them to have very specific "safe foods" and/or not enjoy very many exotic or strong flavours. Beel definitely does not have a problem with this, lmao. And we know that his love/obsession with all foods isn't something that came about just when he was made the Avatar of Gluttony, since he was a big food lover as an angel as well (though his eating habits, admittedly, weren't as extreme back then.) Interestingly, a lot of research shows that people with autism are more likely to struggle with binge eating disorder, which has some intriguing implications for Beelzebub 👀

It's entirely possible that exercise & working out and/or sports like Fangol could be special interests for him as well! Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that Beel has mentioned or alluded to feeling restless if he doesn't get at least one workout in every day, like he doesn't feel that his day is "complete" if he hasn't done his exercise routines. This could suggest that he experiences the common autism symptoms around adherence to routines and inflexibility when it comes to changing up his usual habits and activities 🤔

This reply has actually become pretty long, so I'll just stop myself here before I get carried away even further 😅

Overall, I think that there's definitely merit to autistic! Beel HCs, and I'm sure that people who are actually autistic and/or are big fans of Beel himself (and who would have read far more of his in-game content than I have, like his Devilgrams) would be able to go into even more detail than I have!

[victorfrankensteinapologist]

could you talk about. Autistic victor frankenstein. If you like. (reading 1818 and have brainworms)

it is my genuine opinion victor as a low empathy autistic person is a lot more sensible reading of victor's character then just "selfish dick" because a lot of his other behavior fits it. obviously, a disclaimer that I am fully aware autism did not exist as a disorder in the time the novel was written and mary shelley certainly didnt say "my protagonist will be autistic", but also autistic people always existed, etc. anyways!

special interests: this one's a given. victor's obsessive interest in alchemy in his later teens is the most obvious, and then later on in chemistry in university, but also victor states a lot that since he was very very young he wasfascinated by the workings of the world itself. admittedly this is made more apparent in 1831 with the "it was the secrets of heaven and earth that i desired to learn" and "the world was a secret which I desired to discover" and other lines, but it's also made quite plainly obvious by him talking about how excited he was just to watch a thunderstorm

low empathy: he can't pick up on the extent of the feelings of others, and paired with his own very strong emotions, is why i think we often see victor talk about how he's the world's most miserable human creature. it also leads to him saying some pretty rude things, like that he feels worse then justine who's on death row and telling ernest to stop crying over william so he doesnt get more upset

literalism: "i will be with you on your wedding night", very plainly did not catch what the creature was threatening bc he took his words at face value. he genuinely thought the creature would be with HIM on his wedding night. because that is what he said

volatile emotions: victor on repeated occasions goes from calm to very upset or vice versa very quickly. walton mentions it when talking about victor's tone: Sometimes he commanded his countenance and tones, and related the most horrible incidents with a tranquil voice, suppressing every mark of agitation; then, like a volcano bursting forth, his face would suddenly change to an expression of the wildest rage, as he shrieked out imprecations on his persecutor.

repetitive speech: this comes up multiple times in the book in victor's dialogue, where when he gets agitated or upset he tends to repeat words and phrases. i cannot thing of examples off the top of my head but they are definitely there

repetitive body motions: victor repeatedly gnashes his teeth was agitated or irritated, the creature also does this once as I recall but I believe victor does it about three times

[monsterswithimagines]

Undisclosed Desires- Part 26

Joe Goldberg x female!Reader

Summary: Twenty minutes before he would have met Guinevere Beck, Joe meets you instead. You intruige him, but it will soon become clear that there is something off about you.

Words: 765

Masterlist

Minor disclaimer bc I don't wanna get cancelled: 99.999999 to infinity% of people with autism will not become stalkers. The person in this part is a bad apple. People using the autism as an excuse for the way he acts is me commenting on how society at large will use anything as an excuse for the way a man behaves towards a woman. Am I making sense? Also, this is based on a real thing, but not very accurately.

You sit down at Nadia's desk.

I’m sitting on the edge of her bed, and the distance between us feels too far, but I leave it. I don't think you want me any closer right now. There's probably no rage room in the world that can fix what you're feeling.

“So I reported him. Mitch,” you say, drumming your fingers against the tabletop. “I felt unsure about it from the start, but I just wanted him to stop bothering me, you know? Anyway, everyone had been looking away while he was… But once I called the police, suddenly everyone–” You pause. “And I mean everyone, Joe. His family, our teachers, even the police themselves! Everyone had an opinion. Everyone was telling me to withdraw my statement. They said: ‘well, he has autism. He doesn't know what he's doing. You'll be ruining his life!’”

I want to go back in time and punch everyone who told you not to protect yourself - and I think you can tell. My hands ball into fists on my knees. You smile sadly at me and continue:

“So I told the police I changed my mind, and that I didn't want to press charges after all. That's what it is in English, right? Press charges?” you ask this of Nadia.

She shrugs.

“Close enough.”

“Right. So. I did that. I told the police I wouldn't press charges if Mitch agreed to just leave me alone, and he agreed to that at the time. Only he didn't leave me alone after. He started following me everywhere I went. I could be walking my aunt's dog and I'd feel his eyes on me. I think he even hacked into my email, but I can't prove that. Once, though, I caught him–” you cut yourself off.

Nadia speaks up:

“She's too embarrassed to say it, so I will: he was standing by her bedroom window, masturbating.”

“I'm not embarrassed,” you say. “I’m disgusted. It was disgusting.”

“Same difference.”

“So, what?” I ask. “Is that why you came to America? Did you run away?”

“No,” you say, but a complicated emotion crosses your face that makes me wonder. “In high school, teachers kept telling me to just keep the peace. They said that once I graduated, I'd never have to deal with Mitch again. Only I graduated, and I moved to Utrecht to go to school there and guess what? It didn't make a difference. I got so tired and I just… I figured if I just kept talking nicely to him, at least it all wouldn't escalate. So that's what I did.

“But that just made him convinced we were in some kind of relationship, or something. And when I left for New York, I mean, that wasn't because of him. It was because of the job and because I'd always wanted to. But I can't say that Mitch finally leaving me the fuck alone wasn't a great side effect. I thought he must have seen me going that far away as some kind of breakup, or he'd gotten bored, or he'd found somebody else… I don't know.”

“But then you came back,” I offer.

“Yes,” you agree, and the way you look at me is intense. “But then I came back. I'm sure if he hadn't gone and died, he would’ve showed up in person one of these days.”

This is a pretty big secret to keep from your boyfriend.

The three of us fall silent. I can tell Nadia wants to say something, and I think you can tell I want to say something. But none of us say anything, because there isn't anything to say.

“You probably think I should have told you,” you say. It's like you're reading my mind.

“I can understand why you didn't.”

“But you still think I should have.”

And I would have made it far more painful than I did.

“Fine. Yes,” I admit.

You should have told me, (Y/n). You should have told me just how bad this was so I could have killed this motherfucker the first day I got here. No matter how jetlagged I was, I would have found the energy to put him in the ground.

“Well,” Nadia says, clearing her throat. “Anyway. He's dead now, so. It's over.”

“As if,” you say. “He's been texting me incessantly for two weeks. The police are going to want to ask me questions.”

“But he killed himself,” Nadia says. “He was mentally ill. What's to ask?”

For some reason, your eyes meet mine. But only for the briefest moment. Then, you look away.

“I hope you're right,” you say. And then, smiling weakly, you add: “so, what's for dinner?”

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 1, Wave 2, Poll 16

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Wayne Terrisborn-Mistborn

Qualifications:

He's canonically disabled in that he has PTSD and kleptomania, which are quite evident in the text and confirmed by word-of-god anyway. He's also very neurodivergent coded in other ways--headcanons for autism, ADHD, and BPD would all have lots of supporting evidence. He isn't canonically queer in a cut-and-dry sense, but saying he's queer wouldn't just be fanon either (though it generally is that); basically, he's canonically gnc and likes to crossdress sometimes, and for various reasons the way he thinks and talks about that is more 'I decide to be a woman sometimes' than 'I decide to dress as a woman sometimes'. Also, in fanon he's bi/pan, on the canon basis that he loves his ambiguously gendered girlfriend however she's presenting at the moment. Long story short--I wouldn't submit someone as queer if it were simply fanon, regardless of the rules, but I think what he's got going on is quantifiably queer enough that it doesn't matter if there's concrete confirmation of it or not.

Propaganda:

In addition to the above, I would like to note that he's chaos incarnate.

Amaya-The Dragon Prince

Qualifications:

1- Deaf, uses sign language 2- Sapphic, married to a female elf

Deaf and not straight (I don't know if they've mentioned her suxuality in canon, but she's dating a woman)

She is in an explicit relationship with Janai (also female, very very gay) and is deaf.

Amaya is a general of the Katolis army. She is deaf since birth and communicates in sign language. She's the best warrior in the human lands and she is a raging lesbian.

She's Deaf and a lesbian Canonically deaf and engaged to a woman

Propaganda:

Amaya is so cool. This is the only time I have ever seen a memorable Deaf/HOH person on a children's tv show. Her disability is dealt with really well. She isn't pitied for it. On the contrary, she's a fricking general! Did I mention she's cool? In terms of queer stuff, she's married to a literal queen (actually I haven't seen the show in a while, so its at the very least a queen-adjacent figure), and they're so cute together and every time I see them it makes me stim. Also she's just a really great character in general (no pun intended). Like, she will hunt you down and kill you if you so much as give her nephew a papercut. She's such a badass like genuinely.

She's a knight and a cool aunt and I love her!

Amaya and her partner, Janai, are the classic enemies-to-lovers couple. Amaya, although deaf, does not let her disability stop her from being the best soldier of her kingdom and has rightfully taken the position of general. She's so badass, but also kind and loving. She's just amazing.

As I said before, she is a raging badass lesbian who is engaged to the queen of Sunfire Elves, who is also the best warrior in this elven nation. Her fiancee is learning sign language for her. They are so in love it physically hurts!!!!

I'm bad at the propaganda thing but I'll give it a try She uses ASL and has an interpreter she's close to. She's also a General of her home kingdom... up until she gets captured by an enemy princess and falls in love. Now that princess is a queen, and as of the last episode they're engaged to be married. Also they share a bed and multiple kisses onscreen.

Is a badass fighter, determined, fiercely protects those she loves

Anything Else?:

I LOVE HER SO MUCH

The qualifications and propaganda paragraphs correspond, @yurayuramiharin is the fourth submitter, the anything else section is the first submitter.

[foster-the-world]

Services

Healthcare stuff makes everyone ragey right? Baby boy has a two day developmental pediatric assessment in March. Waiting list was very long - which is fine for us as I’m not in a rush for a diagnosis. Currently still thinking he does not have autism. At this point I don’t really care either way and also kind of hope he gets the diagnosis because I think it opens up a shit ton of services. I want the options even if we decide not to use them. Anyway I called to get a billing code so I can call insurance to find out what they will cover if the assessment. From my understanding it costs about $6-8k and at this point it would not be worth paying out of pocket. He will have both Medicaid and my husbands private insurance so I think someone will cover it. Anyway seems like a simple question. Nope. Dr office (at a major well known hospital) had no clue. Sent me to billing. Who in turned sent me back to the dr office. Still no answer. Not to mention who can trust insurance to give you accurate info? I called to verify a certain med for myself was covered. Confirmed it was. Got the prescription. Went to get it paid for. Nope they don’t cover. Assholes. Cue the rage feelings.

The city DOE still has not found any providers for the 13 hours a week of 1:1 providers he was assigned in mid-Nov. The special ed admin who is supposed to find me the providers suggested - off the record - we file for an impartial due process hearing to ask for an enhanced rate. Which in theory should open up more provider options. The special ed consultant said it wasn’t a tactic she is familiar with but to try it. Emailed today to say we can have a mediation next week but wanted to know what people we found and at what rate. I hadn’t known we were already supposed to have people on dock. Just so happens I had found someone last week who said they are filled for DOE rate but could find someone for a private rate. Called back today. Fingers crossed it works. I’ll be happy when I’m more established af work so I can easily block off hours at work for special ed stuff or make phone calls. Once training hours are done I should be able to maintain my own schedule around this kind of stuff - within reason of course.

[romanarose]

Hello whore! Happy birthday in advance.

What if ROF Frankie were Beatriz's bio son and Santi were the adopted kid? How would that affect their current personalities?

Also, (within the canon timeline), what if Ben weren't a slut? (Lol) Do you him and Frankie might have run away already? Or maybe Santo would murder Ben?

Rooms on Fire

RomanaVerse Birthday Bash

Okay lets get to thinking here.

Firstly.....

thats a great question. I swear I'm not trying to punish our baby here but I just don't think Frankie would fit what Beatriz would want from the savior either. Honestly I think Will would have been best suited for the role, he woul have been what Beatriz invisioned in a jesus figure; he's calm, rational, compassionate and even tempered generally but is not afraid to do what needs to be done to protect his family. As we see with him killing Melanie, he could have made it hurt... but he didn't. Yes, he hit Rey and that was shitty, but he didn't do it for funsies or rage, he did it to correct behavior. Reyansh is a.... point of contention amoung Ben, Will, and Santi, as is JOnah but Jonah is more careful. Jonah knows not to be caught alone in close proximity, not to be too goofy and silly. He know more boundaries since yes are on him after the whole delilah hollbaloo

Rey is not careful. He's a lover. Wether iris or his friends or even frankie and jonah, he's a touchy, smiley, biiiiiiiig hug kinda guy. Will is trying to manage this relationship, remind Rey he is a guardsman, not her little friend and certainly should be watching himself around Madonna. Will is naturally suspicious after Delilah.

I'm rambling omg this has nothing to do with the story

anyway Frankie in this story is passive, quiet. to quite. He's not wht beatriz wants from a god, and certainly not the savior! I havn't gone into it but she absolutly hurt that poor baby trying to make him tougher, and Santi used to stand up for him. Santi is a lot of things and certainly not a good person or partner but he is very much "mine" when he thinks he owns someone, he owns them. Madonna, frankie, Ben and Will are 'his' and in his teens did not let Beatriz hurt him.

I think Santi would be less..... like that. Santi's psyche broke with the idea of being a god and the savior constantly being ripped away and changed, mixed with his mom raising him to beleive these things, and her own mental illness passed down to him.

I personally think of Santi has BPD, maybe some other stuff. He talks about suffering meltdowns like madonna had and Frankie being the one to calm them. Madonna is autistic coded but i dont think santi has signs of autism, but rather has meltdowns from his BPD. If Beatriz wasn't a shit mom she wouldn't have done things like try to beat it out of him or lock him in closets when he was screaming as a kid. A good mom could have worked with him and he could have turned out fine. but that wasn't int he cards. I think without the uhhhhhhh "hey your a god hey no your not actually your the savior no ur not" all the time he wouldn't be this bad but ti think he'd still be rough. I think his possesiveness of frankie might be toned down. I think Santi knew what beatriz was doing sexually to frankie and since he was also fucking Frankie behind the scenes I think it was just a MESS

As for the other part....

I stand by that Ben loves Frankie. I know that most of yall dont believe me but i think he does XD in the fishben bonus chapter, symptom of being human he clearly cares... but i think he's bit of an hydrenalin junkie. Ben does crazy shit, he has no fear. he's an alcohalic and a drug user Madonna desribes him mostly in fun terms, he's childish and immature. Perpetual teenager.

I think even without the cheating... it couldnt work. I think ben could potentially run away with Frankie, because the high of the run would excite him... but theres 2 problems

1, the main reason he doesnt try to leave now isn't because he wants to fuck others. Ben could fuck anywhere lololol he certainly isnt sexually abusing Iris because he cares about hr in anyway, and all the women in delta he fucks are interchangeable

its because he thinks he's a god. he thinks they all are, he has a loyalty to santi he wont let go of. While Frankie and Santi were beaten and frankie sexually abused, the millers didn't suffer that fate. They were essentially adopted later, im thinking Will at age 10 and Ben at 7 or 6. they were on the verge of death when beatriz rescued them, leaving them both with extreme fealty for the garcia's. Ben fucking frankie behind his back is as far as he will go.

2. The high of running away would wear off, and Ben would want his life of luxery, all the dick and pussy he could ever want, and Iris's food. Hes a pretty boy, not to the most skilled in survival. he'd get bored.

I think if santi wasnt the way he was, maybe ben and frankie could live happily together in delta..... but santi is.... like that

[lonelyroommp3]

💚💖les mis

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character? i sincerely hope people have gotten better with this since i was truly active in the fandom but ohhh my god the 2013-15ish trend of treating marius like a completely incompetent goofball. this would reliably send 16-17 year old me into an absolute blind rage i'd be fucking crytyping in my fury like HE PASSED THE BAR EXAM HE TAUGHT HIMSELF MULTIPLE LANGUAGES STOP ACTING LIKE HE'S STUPID JUST BECAUSE HE'S NOT VERY SOCIALLY COMPETENT anyway i stopped typing in the middle of writing that ^ because i just Realised. the autism...

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series? opinion about the Work Itself - i still do not get why people went sooo hard dunking on specifically russell crowe's performance in les mis 2012. i liked his acting very much. yes his vocals weren't fantastic but come on. if we've got to choose an enemy here we should be focusing on hugh jackman's high notes in bring him home. crowe was just underwhelming jackman was actively grating to me

opinion about The Fandom... i've said it before & will say it again but i genuinely think the collective modern au fanon that overtook this fandom as the movie blew up on here genuinely completely ruined the les mis fandom as a whole and at this point i'm frankly not entirely sure if it can be fixed. as someone who'd been in les mis fandom for a few years prior to that point (first on livejournal/abaisse/deviantart with the old guard, then moving over to lurk on tumblr in the 6 months or so before the movie came out) it legitimately felt like watching an invasive species get introduced and wreck the biodiversity of an entire ecosystem. like i sometimes fantasise about writing One Good Fanfiction that will remind people that actually diversity of headcanons/ship combos/etc is Good For The Fandom but then i realise how few people will probably even bother to read it at this point if it's not the same fucking combo of bland completely ooc enjoltaire and whatever background ships we've all collectively decided to bat for this year & i think. it is simply not worth my time or effort to be perfectly honest

[stargore]

i think people do intros i don’t know how the fuck tumblr dot com works but here’s like an intro??? i think? you guys would tell me if i was wrong right? …right?

HI i’m alastor, i’m a gay trans boy (he/it/star/that)!!! i am a minor!

i’m punk and super into punk-adjacent music and fashion!!

i’m also a musician :3 i sing and play the drums + ukulele. i am also a RAGING theatre kid. it’s bad guys. it’s really bad.

i also very likely have autism and bpd…no official diagnosis, but 3+ years of research, family history, and the opinion of multiple professionals says yes! this is almost definitely what is wrong with this child!! they impact pretty much everything i do ever, so please keep that in mind when interacting 💛

fun facts: my favorite color is dandelion yellow, i spin fire, i love painting and sewing and reading, i’m a baker, and a published writer/poet, i love my boyfriend, i do speech and debate, i can recite the entirety of hamilton from memory (yes, THAT kind of theatre kid.)

other like, msc interests/fandoms: homestuck, night in the woods, bone collecting, bojack horseman, undertale, geography + maps, homestuck again (ask me about classpects!!!!!!!!)

ALSO!!!!!!! if you’re racist, homophobic, transphobic, anti-semitic, right-wing, anti-palestine, or any of that bigoted sort of stuff, i will kick your fucking teeth in. do you want your molars added to my human teeth collection? do you know how hard it is to live without teeth?

i’ll find you. get off my blog.

okay!!! anyway!!!! on a different note!!!! uh. Homestuck in the year 2024 ok BYE

[casual-eumetazoa]

After a small uptick in followers, I am now getting close to 500 subs on YouTube:

[image description: header of a youtube channel titled Bootstrap Paradox; the icon is a photo of the Bootes void surrounded by stars; the text reads 461 subscribers, 9 videos; the channel description cuts out in the middle of the sentence, and reads "Greetings, fellow humanoid. I am a fiction writer, a PhD student of evolution..."]

On this occasion, may I interest you in some of my video essays, which have not much in common other than my utter dedication to the topic and, most of the time, questionable outfits and makeup.

Science Has An Accountability Problem

First in an anthology (that will get done, I promise, as soon as I replace all of my equipment that decided to break) exploring the problems of 21st century academia. I am a PhD student full of righteous rage and I will get to the bottom of every single thing that infuriates me about this system. This one explores scientific fraud: how often it happens, why it happens, and what we can do about it.

Pokemon Evolutions Are Real... Kind Of

Brought to you by my boyfriend's pokemon hyperfixation mixed with my master's in evolutionary biology. It's about metamorphosis, puberty, evo-devo, and, well, Pokemon. Watch it to find out why genetics is less of a computer code and more of an instruction for Ikea furniture.

Disability and Capitalism 2-parter

Two videos that took a monumental amount of research to put together, exploring the history, the reality, and the potential future of disability, as well as it's connection to our current economic systems. If you've heard of the medical model and the social model of disability but have never encountered the economic model of disability, you should probably watch this. Or don't, I'm not your boss. Anyway, there is a fun sci-fi-ish sketch at the beginning.

Representation DIY: Autistic Headcanons

My first ever video essay, so the quality is what it is, but I'm still proud of it. Explores the concept of media representation, my personal experiences as an autistic person, and why I think that autistic headcanons are often better than canon autistic characters written by allistic writers. Also, a lot of Jonathan Creek. For the fans of the incredibly niche British TV and detective magicians.

---

This isn't everything I have, so feel free to click on the channel and check stuff out. I still harbour some hope to maybe eventually some day become a full-time video essayist because with my combination of autism, chronic illness, and existing as a very queer person in a very traditional and catholic Eastern European country, working from home might be my only option of being ok after I get my PhD. So yeah, every subscription helps.

Reblogs do a lot, btw. Even if you have like 3 followers, trust me. Your one reblog just might make this my career in a couple of years. So any interaction is highly appreciated.