#Annie leonhart angst | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tonks-21 · 10 months

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Are you a jab? 'Cause you got me hooked | Annie Leonhart x reader | Modern AU Boxing AU | +18

TW: +18, blood, boxing, fights, swearing, heights/weights mentioned, trauma, deja vu.

Shipp: Annie Leonhart x reader

Summary: You and Annie are both boxers, only Annie is from Marley Club and you are from Shiganshina Club, two clubs with the biggest and longest rivalry in the whole city. Once, you and Annie were both selected to fight for your clubs, and you lost because you had a traumatic deja vu. From that moment on, Annie had been curious about you.

Word count: +8500 words

Tw: +18

Clarifications:

Eren’s weight is made up by me, I didn’t find it, I invented it. So don’t worry about these tiny things and just have a good time.

English is not my first language, so sorry if there are typos/errors here.

Also, the measurement scales I use are not lbs or feet, so if you see anything that looks like an error, please let me know.

Interest picked? Let’s start then!

“Annie, your rival is another person now, Mikasa had a problem with her knee” the coach said to the blond-haired short woman.

She raised her eyebrows and made a “tsk” sound with her mouth. “I don’t care, I’ll beat the shit out of her, no matter who she is” she answered, but it bothered her a bit indeed, as she has a special hatred towards her predicted opponent. Since she started having fights with her the tall dark-haired woman could get on her nerves. So Leonhart was always up to fight her.

But, in any case, her rival was going to be someone from the Shiganshina Club, so pride and rivalry is involved there no matter how the person in the other color looks like.

Annie reflected then who will fight her as she wraps her wrists, which are already scarred from so many times she has done this, up to the knuckles with bandages. She didn't know so many girls there, apart from Mikasa, she have had met with Ymir and Historia out of the ring sometime. But Ymir was so tall to be her rival and the blond one was on another lower level. Then, as she put on her gloves, she remembers having seen a fight of Shiganshina vs Marley, Pieck was representing them. She was confronting a brown-haired loud girl called Sasha. She was 5’5 feet tall, and Pieck was 5’ feet tall; looking at the numbers, they were 13 cm apart, Sasha having the advantage. 13 cm is not far from 15 cm, the blue-eyed woman thinks. Would it be unfair? From head to toe. But is it possible in this shitty place?, totally; she thought just before the guest changing room.

It would be either Sasha or another person that she didn't know about, she thought, being blinded by the shot of light that was generated at the door of the room from which she had just exited.

“In the blue corner, The Female Titan of Marley… that has shown us so many times what she can do… 5’ feet tall, 119 lbs… ANNIE LEONHART!!!”

The blond woman started walking through the white smoke they fired for her entering in stage when she heard her name. She was pissed off by her nick, but, after all these years, she didn't care anymore. She advanced until the ring, which was opened by two young men, one on each side of hers. Leonhart entered without any repetitive movement between the ropes, followed by her technical team. She didn't have a characteristic entrance or anything like that, she just wanted to win. And fuck the crowd, she was not there to dance for them.

When the blond-haired one up on the ring made her way to her corner, already talking to her coach, one of the presenters introduced the Shinganshina’s fighter.

The crowd shut and silence dominated the place, white smoke mixed up with the air as the door of the changing room you were in was opened slowly.

"In the red corner, back from the State League, to which she was invited, with a bronze medal in her hands… The Shiganshina Club's new star is back strong and with no rest. Standing at 5’ 4 feet tall and weighing in at 132 lbs... Y/N Y/S!!!!"

Leonhart is impressed by the fact of the gained medal. She had also someones herself, but the State League was at a higher level, even surpassing her own. She respected you even though she didn’t know more than your name and some award thing.

You started walking with your eyes stuck in the ring, where your rival was. You knew all her data some minutes ago, as Mikasa’s knee started aching, and not being able to lift her body while she was doing her last-minute stress-killer practice.

This Annie was a few feet shorter than you, so you have the height advantage, which would allow you to fight to keep the distance you needed to land blows and stay on top of the situation, you analyzed.

You entered the ring doing this repetitive movement your idols had always done before waving and smiling at the crowd.

You were a proud one, Leonhart thought, let her land a hand on you and you’d know the future result here.

She was a lone wolf, you thought, as she was there without anyone more than her coaches and trainer.

Both of you let your coaches put your helmet on your head and say the last tips for each of you, offering you water and checking your clothes and the gloves were well-adjusted and in their place.

“You’ll do well, just throw the first one and you’ll not have any obstacles” Jean said to you. Maybe it was not the best one in terms of behavior, but he was a helpful friend when you were about to start a fight.

Finally, Levi, your coach, patted your two shoulders and gave you one last pat on the back. He always did that, let's say that his gestures are more than his words, and you were already used to it.

The ring sounded and, before you collided your gloves with your rival’s, simply out of mutual respect, you started to feel out the distance between your guard position and the other's face, to get used to each other's height and to analyze each other's fighting style on the fly, as you two have never competed before and this was not planned.

It was quite a challenge not knowing not only that you were going to fight in some minutes but also that you didn’t know your opponent at all. You knew data but at the last minute, so your senses are working at their highest to get to be the winner of the first assault for the sake of the final result and for taking Annie down psychologically in the process.

With some jabs and crosses thrown, you know that Annie goes all out and goes for the victory. That's her style. You had always admired that kind of style, even achieved it, but that doesn’t help much if it’s shown by your opponent.

You dodged a jab, but she feinted and the cross goes to the side you didn't expect. With you halfway to the sleep room she took the opportunity to land an uppercut. The referee put his arm between you two, before the blond could land several blows to your stomach that would have made you vomit blood, and does the 10 sec countdown on you.

While you were on that loop of nearly being unconscious, you centered your gaze on Annie, not seeing the referee’s hands counting along with his talk. She was adjusting her helmet giving you her back. Is something about her that intrigued you. But you didn't really know what it was. You didn't have time, by the way, your brain understood this when the referee got out of your way and you were facing the shorter girl.

Maybe because you were thinking about something other than that you were a bit dizzy, it helped you to dodge her first punch. It didn't matter now, you had to continue. You threw another one-two after reaching her right, leaving her unprotected on that side. Dizzy, she tried to stop you, throwing misdirected punches to your head that only annoyed you but you pivoted like never before in your life and pressed your abdomen to increase the speed of your movements and overcome her uncalculated defensive blows with a hook, now to the liver.

She arched her back and you continued hitting her where you could. Ribs, neck, jaw, head… Where you could before she could cover it. She ended up hugging you making it impossible for you to continue making points.

As you separated from her, you breathe heavily. That was great, you thought, if you could make another one like that or at least connect her some good hooks, this assault would be yours undoubtedly.

When she was back in front of you, you felt she was more aggressive, that’s not that normal when you had just landed a lot of blows on her. She had to be slower, she had to faint more, you thought dodging her in the best way you could. But she blew two good hits on your head. Because you were taller and the blows pushed you back, Annie didn't get to hit you with the uppercut. And thank goodness she didn't, you were sure that would have resulted in a knockout.

The referee gives you another ten seconds as you hit your head a bit trying to get back from the door of the sleep room, as you had one more minute ahead of fighting this Female Titan.

Then you noticed she was getting tired from all the blows he had thrown at you, so you took it slow, concentrated but cautious, waiting for at least 10 seconds to pass like this, breathing in and out. But that’s not like that, as you saw her gaze changing and her arms throwing them at you, her feet pivoting ceaselessly and her waist wasn't different.

You dodged, not concentrating on each one, but on your survival, to one side and the other. Right and left, right and left while blocking the majority of the ones that would hit you. She'd get tired, you thought, trying to not let your head get pushed so back, to not let her punch you without any defense.

Eventually, you striked back, hitting her liver sometimes before centering in her head. Annie covered it, and the crowd it's so loud you couldn't even breathe for air.

The ring sounded when you were nearly pushing her against the net, with a combination of at least 6 hits, not getting bothered by her hugging you trying to make you stop.

First round was over, you thought, already breathing and giving her your back for going slowly, step by step, to your corner, where your team had already setted a chair for you and your coach is gesturing you to sit.

He droped water in your helmet talking to you about the situation.

“That was great, this round is ours. Listen, for the next one you have to cover up more, she doesn’t just punch, she goes all out in every one of them, so be careful with that” oh, yeah, you know it well “I know you can handle it, okay?” you noded, trying to catch any piece of calm of the cold water now falling through your pressed hair.

But you could only think about her face. Her blue eyes combinating with her blond hair. You could think about Armin, Erwin or Nanaba… but it’s not the same.

She was pretty.

The moment you thought that you shook your head of that sentiment and continued to focus on Levi’s indications.

You noded another time as he put a hand on your shoulder and you felt another two on your back, probably from Nanaba, your second coach, and Erwin, who is always there for every fighter of Shiganshina Club.

Those hands on your back gave you the impulse to step into the ring again, hearing the sound that gave you the start of the second round.

You jumped a bit on your feet, trying to make yourself move again and to get rid of that stupid thought.

“You’d have won the last one, but this one’s mine” you heared her between tired breaths before she throws a good one-two at you, forgetting to collide gloves already.

You dodged it, but this is the easy part, and you knew it. Both of you exchanged blows in a row, so that both of you do not take a breath for a good few seconds.

God…

You thought, feeling your abdomen was going to explode from all the pressure you are putting in it to pivot every single time.

In one of those, Leonhart faints in the fastest way you’ve ever seen and gave you a good uppercut. You tried to recompose yourself by giving steps behind you, caring at the same time of her hits, dodging them the best you could. But the physical power you had isn’t as high as your mental one, so you felt dizzy and end up falling near fainting. But you fought to keep your brain focussed on moving your hands a lot inside the gloves and looking at the audience, reminding yourself that this is a great fight with a lot of expectation. That half of the people were there for you. And, finally, you looked at Erwin. He was the man who recruited you and who inspired you to continue in this every day.

The referee went to you, sitting you on the floor and asking you if you could continue.

“You okay?” he asked, kneeled in front of you, lifting your head “you can continue? Should I call the doctor?”

But you denied with your head and make the gesture of standing up, he noded at you and helped you get up. You heared the crowd screaming, cheering you to continue up.

You glanced a second to Erwin, Levi and Nanaba. They noded at you, decided; the blond-haired man raised his fist. You felt Annie’s glance on you but you chose to ignore it, you had to stay up right now. Anyway.

You spit down your throat.

Okay.

You’re good.

Just continue.

You have to.

You can…

Of course you can.

With that, you convinced your heart to continue, which tricked your brain to do so.

As every single time.

You can do it.

You breath.

You can do it.

The ring sounds, but you are already on guard.

Let 's go!

With that, you forgot it all and started throwing punches here, there and everything in between. You didn't care about tiredness anymore. You were here to battle. The three sets, nine minutes in total, as the regulation of amateurs, both male and female, mark, are a sprint to be done. And you were not falling behind.

You saw Leonhart surprised by your change of strategy. After all, she nearly left you in the sleep room seconds ago.

You didn't see it, because you were too focused on giving it all in every punch, but Levi, some meters behind you, was smiling sideways. He was proud that you got the gut to train such a strategy, and even use it in a fight.

That’s my girl, he thought.

Leonhart tried to escape these connections you are making but you don’t even cover up. She hits your liver, your sides, your head… But you just continued punching her and cornering her, ignoring the hits and the pain. Leonhart then gave up and went into you, hugging you so close that you didn't have space to hit her again. She had such a grip.

When you stoped, well, the referee stoped you, you felt her face on your chest before she separated from you. The blond looked up at you and you two look at each other for a second. You break the connection.

The referee gestured to you both to continue after giving the 10 seconds to the blue corner fighter while you got the air you couldn’t before.

Leonhart looked at you with suspicion, as if that part of you hadn't expected it.

A mix of punches and pivots was shown again in the ring. The public was cheering for you both. The lack of air. You couldn't think much in these moments, it’s just mechanics.

One two, try the cross. Nope. Another one two and then an uppercut.

It may seem repetitive, but up there was hella tiring.

Then, a technique that you couldn’t think about takes place. She pushed you in the shoulder, you got confused because she went straight to that, you weren't cornering her. You noticed how she moves her leg and found out what was going on. Only that you touched the ground before.

MUAY THAI, SERIOUSLY?

You thoughtbefore getting up and groaning. Thank goddess you practiced a bit of judo when you were little, courtesy of Nanaba, and knew how to handle a fall like that. The floor didn’t even rub your helmet.

Well, she had to do something, this round was going to be mine…

When the referee told you to continue, only for her eyes, you knew that she noticed your perfect judo fall. I mean, you even hit hard with your gloves, it was unconscious.

After that, you two faint more, it’s normal, you discovered more abilities from each other, with the cards already on the table, any of you could do something surprising.

And like this, the second round ended.

Well. Two falls… This one’s her’s… fuck

You literally threw yourself on the seat one of your technical team members placed for you. You breathed while Levi pours water between the helmet and your head. It seemed that your brain was going to freeze, but nothing felt better than this, honestly. You threw your head back, leaning on the padded corner.

“Here, drink too” Nanaba entered the ring and put the water bottle in your mouth.

Erwin massaged your shoulders a bit, showing his support.

“You did so good, Y/n. Great reaction to that one technique” Nanaba pointed out, on her fingers.

“Yeah” Levi signed “do you want more?” You noded as Nanaba put the bottle again in your mouth “hear me out” he put his hands on your thighs, talking right in front of you, as the crowd would distract your accelerated state. It functioned, you focused on him “We already know her card up her sleeve: Muay Thai mixed with knocks. That's done, you handled it so well, okay?” You noded again, too focused on not doing anything but relax, distension, and low your heart rate “You need to find a way to handle it. You can dodge down too, that would be exhausting, but I know you can do it; but you can also try and counter it with your judo knowledge. I don’t know how much you can put that card of yours on the table, but if you try, you know how it works…” he said.

“All or nothing” out of the excitement, you four said it at the same time.

Before the ring took place between the sound of the crowd for the third time in this fight, Erwin pated your shoulders and Nanaba dried you a bit. Levi noded at you before exiting the ring.

Yeah… At the end… All of it depends on me.

All or nothing…

You repeated yourself, not knowing if you had the energy to persecute that “all” you all are talking about.

You breathed in and out glancing at your rival. That eyeing gave you courage.

You smiled sideways and frown, making your posture go down a little.

“All”… I’m going for you!

Not only you did think about it figuratively, but you moved forward decisively. An aura of positiveness and tireless energy covered you. "That's my Tn'' Levi thought to himself just before you went with everything against Leonhart after the ring sounds.

“Make a nice one!” Nanaba cheered for you.

Consider it done, Sir.

You smiled more through the helmet. Your rival is surprised by this energy you seemed to have, even before the fight.

Last round. Last two minutes. Just two. C’mon, you can do this, Yn. Nothing is decided yet!

You thought to yourself throwing the first one two. You continued until you hit her with an uppercut, her tiredness was felt as she as didn't cover herself after it, letting you attack in any way. First, a cross, then a down hook. And then one more. Two. Three. Four. Fi- the hand of the referee interfered and cuted you there.

You gave your back to them, you hit your own fists of emotion and lift them up. Seeing the audience screaming, crying, going crazy... These were the moments you live for, they didn't compare to any other you have had ever lived, after all. Gold. That's what they werefor you.

Normally, you would be surprised if your rival got up after this, but, after the Muay Thai technique, you weren't surprised by anything this Annie Leonhart did.

A good rival, no doubt about that.

And when you turned around, you saw what you’ve just thought. The referee gave her 10 seconds and Leonhart tried to help herself to get up with the net.

You jumped a bit again, throwing punches to the air. You didn't feel the tiredness nor the pain. You were in your 110% obsession state. You felt like you could eat the world just now.

Your favorite sensation.

C’mon, get up. I’ll make you fall again!

You smiled.

This was so good for your points.

When the countdown finished, you had the blond-haired right in front of you again.

This is mine.

You thought, as you remembered the analysis you did before this fight started. She was aching, so she’d fainted and dodged a lot. She was not going to attack without caring of the defense any time soon. So if you dominated the distance, you’d have this duel in your hand. You only had to keep her some centimeters away from her punch distance, as you could still hit there.

And it worked! For 30 seconds this strategy gained some good points for you, but as soon as she huged you and breathed a little bit, you knew from her eyes that you’d have to defend more now.

So you dodged and covered yourself. As if it were a guardian angel, your mind thought that Leonhart was going to use some technique of his specialty again. And, thanks to that, you were able to dodge it and counterattack with another sweep. You thoght fast, and a Ōuchi gari was the best option. You pretended to dodge and approached her to hug her and prevent her from pushing you, but you were the one who grabed her arm and shoulder and pusheed them sweeping one leg of hers with yours.

She tried to hold on to you, but she falled on the attempt.

You breathed.

YESS!

You heared your team cheer for you and the crowd filled the ambience with your name. You celebrated it by raising your arms.

You heared her cough and sign when she got up again after a 10 countdown.

The narrator said that there's only one minute left.

This is done. You are done.

You thoughtto yourself, convinced.

You two followed with jabs and crosses, you continued throwing some of them at her. One. Then two. And then three, four… There was no option to maintain the points, you only could look up at the highest you two can get.

You could see it in her face. It was going to be a knockout if you continued. You smiled excited, you had never did so.

But, in the last punch, your eyes connected with her’s. That blue eyes were now transparent. You could see fear in them. The time passed by so slow then. You could sense all your body in tension. Your abdomen, your waist, your feet and your fist. It was well-directed. Like every single one you connected. But something was off. Her eyes. Even though it was difficult to see them through the helmet, you were able to look directly into them. You know she was scared.

Oh…

For a second, your vision got you to that day. You saw a small girl. It was just like Leonhart. Blond, blue eyes, short… It was Historia. You were teaching her some simple movements, you were sparring with her. And you connected an under hook, like you are about to do now. A millisecond passed and you saw her on the floor, aching. She was crying.

A feeling of regret mixed with fear attacked you like poison, and it spreaded throughout your body, circulating like blood, paralyzing each one of your muscles.

No…! Not again!

You stoped in your pivoting, you saw Leonhart now, already on the floor, aching. But that was not what was happening, she dodged the last weak punch and gave a last-hope uppercut.

For her eyes, you knew it was desperate, but for the impact… you didn't feel anything. Nothing at all. Only relief. It was a strange sentiment as you were now falling back, with wind caressing your skin and a huge blow all over your body ended you.

It was a knockout.

“See it this way… at least it’s her first knockout. There’s always a first time” Nanaba tried to cheer up a bit the other coach and the trainer.

“I guess… But she has never feared them, so… I don’t know how this leaves your argument…” Erwin said as Levi remains silent.

You were hearing them, but you weren't seeing them. So you fought to open those eyes of yours. You saw you were laying on the floor, hearing Leonhart’s name being shouted from every direction.

“Hey… you good?” asked Levi softly but loud enough for you to listen, caressing your shoulder with his finger as Nanaba got your head out of the helmet.

You tried to get up but Erwin stoped you.

“Hey, hey, take it easy… You’ve been knocked out” he said looking down at you concerned.

“I’m…” you were trying to say okay but you ended up saying “dizzy” while you rubed your head, all wet and sweaty from the fight.

“Yeah… we know” Nanaba said, trying to dry your hair and forehead a little bit with a towel.

You breathed out calmly after what seemed a lot of time. You saw Eren, Ymir and Historia, the ones that were there today and Hange couldn’t stop before getting on the ring to see you. They saw you from there, worried.

“I’m fine, guys…” you said, making a reassuring gesture, trying to smile, but you were too dizzy. Historia couldn’t help but get your hand.

“You are clearly not, Y/n! You’ve received a knockout!” she screamed, you heared it even through the crowd’s noise. The Reiss hugged you, not caring a bit about all the sweat. She was kind of your apprentice, she looked up at you since she was little. So seeing you this hurt and dizzy hurted her a lot.

Ymir put a hand on her shoulder, and your coaches and trainer let them talk to you, as you were answering without much effort.

“She’ll be okay, Historia, she’s Y/n, after all” the tall girl said.

Next to you and your friends was the blue corner fighter standing up with the arm up by the referee. You couldn't see it from the floor, because Levi’s figure was covering your sight, but Leonhart was looking at you. It seems like she was looking down taking air, but she was indeed glaring at you.

The blond one was giving the final seconds of the fight a thought.

Why did she doubt?

Why did she flinch?

Was that fear in her eyes?

I was not the one hitting her…

Why?

Why?!

Why did she let me win?

It was a bittersweet victory, as Leonhart knew she didn’t deserve it. That if you have had continued with the blows, she would be the one knocked out.

And she couldn't stand that. She didn’t gain the victory. So… why did she win?

What the fuck meant that win then?

She was internally in rage. She couldn't stand a win like that.

But she didn't do anything. She let the referee lift her arm, her friends hug her and her coaches congratulate her.

Some minutes passed, and the public was now thinking about the next fight already.

Ironic, right?

You were left in the Paradis locker to get a shower and change yourself. You put the automatic, it was your house after all, you knew where all was located.

When you were done signing in the cold, nerve-restart shower, you get out of it and put on your rest clothes.

You let your sports shirt fall after it is over your shoulders and finished ordering everything. Out of nothing, someone knocked on the door.

“Uh… You can enter, i’m done” you said thinking it’s Historia again or some of your high level friends as Hange or Rico trying to cheer you up. But when you turned your head you found no less than Annie Leonhart, your rival in the blue corner.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, not daring her or something, just confused “this is the house’s locker room” you said.

“I know where the visitors’ one is, Y/s. I just wanted to talk to you” she said calmly, looking at you for the first time directly, without helmets on or the pressure of being rivals standing on the ring.

You got a moment to analyze her, looking at her from head to toe. Wet hair, gray sweatshirt, baggy sweatpants, shoes without a platform…

As it was a bit long, if she didn’t even take the time to dry her hair that was because the thing she wanted to talk about is important, you realized.

“So what’s up? Shouldn’t you be celebrating your victory with your team?” you asked, still feeling your eyes itch when you say your victory.

“Don’t say that, I don’t even want it if it’s this way” you heared the short one say.

“And you are an amateur? This is sport, you can win or lose in a second. Nothing is decided before the ring sounds. Sentimentalisms and morals don't count” you tryed to be mature about it, but even if you said this, she could feel your voice shaking a bit.

“It’s not about that, obviously I know what a knockout is!” she punched the door. You looked at her as that was what she asked for with that movement, your attention.

“So? What’s the point then?” At this point you only waneted to exit that room and cry on Levi’s lap.

“That you let me do it. Hit you, I mean. You let me. Why?” she explained herself, frowning and not even glancing anywhere but your eyes. She was upset about it.

“What are you saying? I didn’t let you”

“Yes, you did. I saw you. I saw it in your eyes, it was… doubt there… You could punch me right, but you didn’t, and then you stopped” she looked away looking for words. “Why?”

“What? I didn’t do what” you defended yourself. You would die instead of admitting you let a Marley fighter win.

“Don’t be a fool” she said going towards you “You flinched! You doubted! I saw you! Stop avoiding the question and answer me!” she took you by the shirt. She was angry. You let her do so.

“I couldn’t stand going on with that energy” you lied, it’s pretty obvious, but you couldn't think of something better in your exhausted state.

Leonhart doesn’t move, decided to make you split it up. Those big blue eyes are making you nervous.

“I, uh… okay…” you signed, nothing matters now, you lost, and she would not give up until you told her “I…” you looked her in the eyes again “you… I saw you were scared… I saw it in your eyes… and I… I just couldn’t do it, okay? I’m weak, that's all!” you said pushing her, quitting her grip on you and not looking at her surprised expression.

“You… are making fun of me?” she followed you, with a non-believing tone.

“I’m not. You asked me, I answered you. Now, can you leave?” you said, nearly bursting into tears. Saying it was kind of bringing it to reality. Admitting things was always hard for you, after all.

You didn't look at her, but you heared her leave with a quick step. You didn't know if your ears malfunctioned, but you swear you heard a sob.

Well, there was so much sound outside, so you didn't really know what you have heard.

When you are back with your team and friends, you noticed she’s no longer there.

[ ]

Some days passed, and you couldn't understand why she, of all your past rivals, made you doubt. Because obviously you have had seen that scared expression before, but you didn’t let the win go. You didn’t even pay attention to them. So why her?

You tryed to convince yourself that it had to be because of her similar traits with Historia, but you knew something didn't seem right there.

But there was no time to think about it , you had another great fight between the eternal rivals: Paradis and Marley; in Marley’s house this time. The contestants of this contest, if everything went well, were going to be Reiner, in the blue corner, and Eren, who defended the red one.

With Mikasa still treating that knee, Eren asked you to enter with him the ring. You were confused about why didn't he ask Armin. The long haired one told you that it’s because your vibes match better. In other words, you lifted his spirits more.

Some minutes before you were cheering him and helping him to put on his entering suit.

“You have reached a lot this months. Go there and show it to all of them. Reiner is no longer someone you have to see up, it’s on the same level as you, understood?” you said giving pats on his chest.

He smiled proudly “I didn’t mess up asking you to be here with me” he sayd, as a thank you.

You smiled. “Let’s go” you said as you all heared the narrator introducing him.

“In the red corner, the heavyweight of Paradis, The Attack Titan, only surpassed by his own trainer, comes from a defeat, the strongest way that anyone has ever returned to the ring in all history" he took a breath "At 21 years old, 6 feet tall and 176 lbs in weight... With you all tonight: EREN JAEGER!”

You let him, Levi and Hange enter, and steped in behind along with Erwin. You two looked at each other. That small glance only could mean something: this is our revenge, we are gonna win this one.

Eren waved at everyone and hited his own fists after taking off his entering-in-stage clothes.

You put a hand on his shoulder looking at the Marley’s locker room just before their fighter presentation began.

“In the blue corner, right back from an injury in the arm, he’s called by The Armored Titan… by friends… and enemies…” he paused before continuing “With 21 years old too, 182 lbs of weight and 6 feet with 2 inches... REINER BROWN!” as soon as he announced the young man’s name, he entered the stage.

“And, in a few moments, ladies and gentlemen, we will witness a fight as epic as it is long-awaited... The Attack Titan vs The Armored Titan!” the narrator continued talking about their life a bit while they are preparing to fight each other.

You lightly slaped the cheeks of Paradis' fighter "Ready?" you asked him with a decided face.

“Yes, I’m gonna beat his ass” he sayd excitedly, already giving small jumps.

“Let’s go then, attack with all. Always” you cheered him, leaving the ring just because Hange was pulling you out of it.

While you were stepping outside, you see the short blonde from the other day sideways through the audience. You looked the other way when you see that she was staring at you too.

You sat up next to Mikasa, ready to see a good fight between these heavyweights.

The ring sounds and the two fighters collided their gloves peacefully, ready to start pivoting and hitting.

They started throwing some jabs to each other. These were the first seconds, so they were warming up and getting used to the height of each other.

Eren was the first one that got to hit a good up hook, and tried to connect it with more hits, but Reiner recovered from it fast and threw a one two to the shorter one. Eren received it, and Reiner gived him another uppercut.

“Fuck…” you said, concentrated in the match trated in the fight, not really caring about the glance of the blond still on you for some reason she didn't even understand herself.

The two of the heavyweights men moved from side to side, from left to right, dodging the most hits as possible while throwing them at the same time. With all his concentration turned on, Eren gave him another uppercut, his best movement, and connected it with another direct jab and a down hook. Reiner felt his head fall behind, but he recomposed himself. He was not called The Armored Titan for nothing.

The taller fighter continued playing on the defensive side, while Paradis’ Eren striked connected blows. First a one two, an uppercut and then a good down hook. Even if Reiner is the Armored Titan, Eren was still the Attack one.

This looks like it's going to be a close one

“That was a good one, Eren” you congratulated him as he celebrates it marking his arm muscles in a manly motion while Reiner had the referee right in front of him counting him the 10 seconds countdown.

In this moment, you remembered all the 10 seconds countdowns your fight had. You were the one doing some of them, you picture the referee in the same position and the crowd cheering for you both. So you looked up at Leonhart in the public. You were not seeking anything in particular, you just had the urge to do so. To see her.

And there she was, looking at her fellow fighter, calm and serious as always. With her hair tighted in a bun and silent. Making contrast between the hectic and noisy crowd.

The fight continued and the blond one was ready to cover himself up and defend with all his force. And the one in the red corner wasn’t different, ready to attack with all the rage.

Eren forced a good hat trick of blows which Reiner could merely defend. The first one brayd, so the other took advantage of those seconds and attacked with a one two trying to connect it with a cross. But he couldn’t, since Eren covered himself first. Then the blond tried to hit a cross by the other side, this time the other received a bit of the force of the impact. This made his head fall a bit behind, but recovers easily and feints a little bit. Feints that didn’t help him as he got hitted with a jab and an uppercut.

Eren took some seconds to recover, but as he seemed dizzy, the referee stoped Reiner and gave the red corner fighter 10 seconds. When the fight continued, Eren changes the strategy. Analyzing the last blows between him and his rival, realized that, if he could connect more, he wouldn’t be cornered that easily. So that’s what he did. He feinted, hits included, and pivoted more as he dodged the tries to do a jab-cross from Reiner. Then, after some feints, he threw a force punch that hit right in Reiner’s jaw. From there, he continued connecting more force hits as he cornered his rival.

The ring sounded and the referee had to get in the way of the Attack Titan.

One of the technicians put a metalic chair on his corner to sit on it, as well as the other corner did; and the coaches and the trainer standed on the ring. They gave him water and tips they saw he could use to defeat his rival.

“I’m going quickly to get a drink” you said to Mikasa, who was on your right.

“Ah, I'm going with you too” replied Jean on another chair.

“But hurry!” the dark-haired woman warned you two.

“Yeah, yeah” Jean said as he sighed.

“Yes, mum” you responded, pulling your head to the side playfully.

You two went ahead and pour some drinks in two plastic glasses.

“Hey” you heared a soft but strong voice on your left, when Jean was in the opposite corner of the table.

You turned around, surprised to see the blond-haired woman of the fight the other day you two fought.

“Hm! Hey there, came here to see the fight of the heavy weights, uh? Pretty… interesting fight” your friendly and composed vibe falled around when your eyes connect with her’s.

Annie wasn’t frowning or mad, or even staring aggressively into you; but her glare was a bit… unusual. Kinda surprised. You didn’t really know how to describe it. But god, she had a very strong eyeing that madr you stupidly nervous.

She noticed this, and tried to pull out a more soft glare, but didn’t do much at all. You signed, recomposing yourself.

“Yeah, indeed, they are really good. Both of them” Leonhart said.

“Hm” not knowing how to continue, you started to serve yourself with some low-calorie juice you really liked and noticed the girl didn’t move from her spot “Uh, you want some?”

“…Yes” she said, not convinced.

“Then let me serve you” you said, as was natural that you just did those tiny things for people. You put your plastic vase near the dispenser and pushed the button to the juice to spill out of the machine.

“Hey, idiot, aren’t you done already?” murmured Jean coming to you two.

“Umm, near. I’m taking it for her” you leaned back a bit, letting him view the girl that you were covering from his sight.

“Uh, ok. Eh? Aren’t you from Marley. The one that fought with Yn last week?” he realized.

“Yeah, she is” you commented, giving her the drink “Here it is”

“Thanks” she said with a low tone, that sounded different to the other interactions you had or heard about her.

You heard the song BOXER by Stray Kids being played. And, somehow, it gave you the courage to say “I'm staying here, go with the others”.

Annie was nervous for no reason about you leaving since she sensed in her hands the warmth of yours the second you two rubbed them as you gave her the glass.

For a brief moment, Jean looked confused at you, but, even if it was strange in him being friendly, or even chill, with rivals of other clubs, he took the hint and left you, not without a tiny wink.

“The night is your’s, ladies” he joked.

“Shut up” you said.

It was true. It was true for the moment you saw the blond-haired short woman for the first time in the court, no less. She was stunning in every sense, but also worried for no reason and strangely nice with you. You just couldn’t lose the opportunity. Analyzing it, if she was really just being kind to you with really no reason at all, that would end there. And you two probably never talk to each other again, or fight, as Mikasa was coming back in a week or two, just for the next competition between clubs.

But, if not, if she really was into you, and you did nothing but ignore your growing feelings for her, the future would be the same as, knowing her type of personality and interaction with others, she would feel dumb, back off and just not talk to you any more. And you didn’t want that. Not at all.

You smiled, even if it was for a moment you knew this night was gonna be fun, awkwardly fun.

“So… who do you want to win?” you said, noticing the stupidity of the question the second you spell it off “Uh, yeah, quite obvious, uh? Reiner, the Marley’s” you laugh at yourself, not daring looking down to her.

“Yeah” out of nothing, even your calculations, she laughed. Annie just laughed. Annie, the cold Marley’s fighter, had laughed at one thing you said.

Imposible

You thought, but it happened. And it made you look at her, her face itching to give you a radiant smile, full of laughter and eyes closed in total harmony. You swore you could see her laugh all day long.

Totally out of any perception of your reality at that moment, the second round started. Sweat running their tensed bodies, jabs being thrown every ten seconds and two big weights contesting the fight of the day.

“You know” out of your calculations, another time, she said “The other night, I’m still curious about that flinch of yours” almost doubting, Annie pulled out the question.

You sign, eyes down to your drink, cupping it between your hands. This made you lose the look the blond gave you, worried about have fucked it up. But, you got her unexpected too “Christa. You know, one of my club. The short one that’s always with Ymir”

“Yeah… what's up with her?” curious, she questioned.

You didn’t even know why, but you explained that to a Marley fighter. No, not to a Marley fighter. To Annie, who still was it, but she was now more than that.

“So, I don’t know if it was the physique or what, but … I had kind of a deja vu” you sighed in your story “You know, sometimes I ask myself if I’m really made for this… world” looking up to the fight before you “Sometimes it’s just so, I don’t know, violent…”until you felt too exposed and back it off “You might wanna laugh at me now, a boxer having fear to box, how ironic, uh?” you say, covering the tears with a masked smile you know really well from years of practice, adding a small laugh.

But when you looked at her, you knew your actuation was not necessary anymore.

“No, it’s not a silly thing” the blond-haired said seriously “It’s quite normal, indeed. Sometimes, even I, feel that doubt” you looked at her astonished. That made her look down at her feet “The aggressivity of our hits, the pain we can cause, the, even, careers or lives we could end in a two minutes round. It’s huge” says in a breath ”And the weight on our shoulders depends on it, as well as our reputation, the discipline and eagerness we put in each training each day. It’s really overwhelming. So don’t feel weak for that, because you are quite the opposite. You are strong, Yn” she said, clapping your back with her hand.

You wanted to cry, lay in her arms, have a life with her by your side. The feelings were overwhelming. You were told that other times, yeah, by Eren, Mikasa or, even, Ymir; but Annie. Her saying it was different. It was not about validation or acknowledgement, it was something about her. Talking to you. Making you feel proud of yourself because of your own gains, not done to praise her or anything. Just the “you” for the “you”. And that was golden. It really was.

You showed a bitter-sweet smile, without looking up again ”Thanks. I’m gonna spin it up a couple of times in my head though” you said, finally free to take your chin up, looking at the gym, at the crowd and at the night itself, showing her reality, your reality of it, right there.

“Good. That question is worth answering it from time to time” and after some seconds, she added in a joking manner”And when I say strong, I don’t mean only physically”

She gave you a slight punch on the triceps. You laughed, it was cute seeing her like this.

”You too, you too”

The ambience became more calm and collected. You two were happy with the other’s presence. You two have been exchanging looks from time to time during the third round until the party moved on to a disco. At the end of the day, you were all humans, and if Eren and Reiner could have a beer together after literally fighting to death, you all could.

However, Annie stayed near you the whole time. It was like an artwork. You could never get tired of seeing and wanting to review every part of her, just to never paint a drawing that could equal the feeling she made you experiment. It was just impossible, and you liked it that way.

“Hey… you know you are too pretty” you said in one of these watching expeditions that interested you more than the actual combat.

For a brief moment you saw her smile drawn in her face, just to be turned to the other side, take air and finally face you, her hand on the table.

“It may be irrational, but I do think the same for you. Normally I do not see the others that way, I just don’t care”

“It’s not supposed to be rational, is it? Neither normative or sound possible” you replied, getting closer to her.

“You know, you have really flaming eyes, and that I like that so much about you” Annie took another step, in that moment, your bodies were nearly brushing to each other. And the height difference was really noticeable at this point. But you two only thought it was so cute.

“You do?” you said, taking a strand of her golden, perfect hair behind her ear.

“Mhmmh”she mumbled.

You two looked so close, and you didn’t want it to be far. The song was oblivious, just a rhythm your head was accustomed to, the others screaming and fighting a bit, outer noise; you were there, Annie before you, with only a thing in your minds.

You leaned over her and your lips touching made an electric current go all the way through your senses as well as your body. Her lips were soft but rough, a combination that suited her very well. Your bones filled with waves of fire and your soul being sieged by flames of water, touching your every muscle and bursting every one of your cognitive connections. It was like each part of that dead star that made your body functioning alone all this time was lighted up and finally made its way to the eruption.

You’ve been locked in here forever

And you just can’t say goodbye

Your lips, my lips

APOCALYPSE

Your lips, my lips

APOCALYPSE

Go and sneak us through the rivers

Flood is rising up on your knees

Oh, please

Come out and haunt me

I know you want me

Come out and haunt me

You smiled, recognizing the lyrics, Cigarettes After Sex made its appearance just in time.

“Are you an uppercut? Cause you got me hooked” you joked, making her laugh.

Annie was astonished, even if she kissed you, even if she came to that snacks and drinks table just to talk to you, even if she worried that much that, the first time she saw you flinch, she runned to watch out for you, she haven’t had thought you would mean this much to her. Even if her own heart was screaming it at your very first sight. But, with this kiss, she knew it, she knew she didn’t want to kiss anyone but you the rest of her life.

“So… wanna go for a drink and kiss in the most embarrassing moments of songs?” you asked, laughing softly.

“I couldn’t want it more” she answered, a smile printed on her face, caressing your cheek before getting on her toes and giving you a soft kiss. The brush felt like heaven down at the earth, she surely was just like magic.

---

I also posted this on AO3 :D Link Below. Thanks for reading, hope you like it as I liked to write it.

Are you a jab? 'Cause you got me hooked | Annie Leonhart x reader | Modern AU Boxing AU | +18 - Tonks21 - Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan [Archive of Our Own]

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mimiwrites2000 · 11 months

Text

The Last One To Reach The Tree

Archive of Our Own

If the tree could speak, it would’ve cried. If the tree could speak, it would’ve sobbed and wailed and mourned humanity, mourned the death of humanity in every human’s heart. If the tree could speak, it would’ve begged to be burnt, to be cut down.

Mikasa was eager to meet with Eren, she was eager to reunite with him. And so was Armin.

~~~ Post Canon story about the theory that Armin is the last one to reunite with them.

He always knew Mikasa was more eager to reunite with Eren, and he knew she would join him as soon as she could.

And he knew that it would hurt as hell.

Even if it was after seventy years.

Even after they had kids and grandchildren.

He knew it would still hurt as hell.

He lived every moment with her, they were at each other’s weddings, they held each other’s first borns, they were there when they were called a grandma and a grandpa for the first time.

What else was there to happen?

What more were they to see?

He heard those words from those around him far too many times.

Mikasa lived her life to the fullest and mama had breathed until the very last word of her story.

But it hurt him, as hell.

It hurts him to look at a headstone, two headstones, and know that his friends were there.

Under the ground.

Six feet under the ground.

Beneath that tree, with its trunk aloft and proud, layers and layers of months and years and decades, and its leaves a varying charade of oranges, yellows, and occasionally, a bright blood-red, swaying in the spring’s warm breeze.

Armin looks up at the leaves above his head, just a quick glance, before he regrets it and tilts his head back down; the midday sun’s rays harsh in his eyes.

He leans against his cane, resting his chin on the hand that clutched the cane, and sways on his spot.

“The living and the dead,” he says, “oh the living and the dead.”

He gazes at Eren’s headstone, a much older headstone, the craving almost washed out; but Mikasa, for as long as she lived, had always taken care of it, as if the headstone had a heart of its own, as if it breathed and was alive. “Eren, you should’ve seen Mikasa, she lived a happy, long, life,” Armin mutters, “she had kids and grandkids, she held my kids and my grandkids, and my daughter is pregnant, I feel bad for her child, because her child will never know Mikasa.

“Eren,” Armin continues, tilting his head; he is tired, so tired. “We lived long lives, we lived very long lives, we even retired, can you believe that? We retired, for once, the scouts retired before dying.”

Then he turns his gaze at Mikasa’s headstone; speckless, new, “Mikasa…” he wants to say something, he should say something, he couldn’t know what to say, what is there to be said anyway?

“Mikasa…” he calls her name again, and with a broken voice, he quietly cries out, “I miss you… I miss you.”

Armin had so many things to tell Eren, to tell Mikasa, but words felt like a heavy weight, a very heavy weight he could no longer carry, instead, he reminisced.

Silently.

The times in Fort Salta, after the war.

In fact, Armin couldn’t remember those days too well, a thick fog obscured them from Armin’s eyes; not because of his old age, well through his seventh decade, but because he had been through so much pain, so much hurt, so much chaos that his brain just decided to take those days off of the shelve, and burn them, as if they never happened.

The only thing Armin remembers was holding Eren’s lifeless head in his arms.

But the months after it, Armin remembers them so well.

He remembers his friends, being closer than ever, he remembers Annie’s father, he remembers him so well, his cane and his face and his unyielding scrunched eyebrows. He remembers his face when he asked his permission to propose to Annie; shocked, yet happy, yet confused, yet unbelieving—

But relieved.

Armin remembers his wedding day so well, it was vivid in his mind. He could never forget his friends’ efforts to give him a wedding, so they held an intimate party on the boat, only for themselves. They got Armin a suit and Annie a white dress; they were simple, really, but it meant the world to him.

He was the first of his friends to get married, but the last to have a child.

It was a struggle, another hardship in life, but Annie got pregnant in the end, and her pregnancy was tough, hard, and difficult, but they had a beautiful boy that got his mother’s nose and his father’s eyes.

Then they had two more children; another boy, and their youngest, a girl.

A gorgeous, gorgeous girl.

She is Armin’s happiness.

He loves all his kids; of course he does, but his daughter is the light in his eyes, she is his happiness, his joy.

He loves her, and he loves her button nose, because she was the only one who didn’t get her mother’s nose, but she got her mother’s eyes and hair.

All of his kids grew up, and all of them had the best education they could have, and all of them got married; his daughter was the last of them to find a partner, and is pregnant with her first child.

“Oh, Eren,” Armin finds words, finds a few words that he could use, “I am sad, I am sad for you, I wish you know what it feels like to hold your child, to hold your grandchild.”

Armin lets out a strangled sigh, “It’s none of what I ever felt in my life. Holding your child, seeing them growing up, fighting with them, all the screams and the fights and the misunderstandings… Eren, I wish you lived to feel that too.”

Armin’s hand on the cane wobbles, and it jumps from its place, breaking in half. Armin falls on his knees, threads of winces and groans leave his mouth, the thorns of the weed around the graves dig mercilessly into his wrinkled hands.

He slowly sits straight, taking deep breaths. He closes his eyes; that wasn’t the first time his body let him down, his body had always betrayed him, had always given up at the worst of times and worst of places.

Armin pulls the thorns from his hand, plucks them one after the other. Some of the thorns left no trace behind, not even a scratch, but most of them left a scar and a trail of blood.

Armin hugged his hand, and breathed deeply.

“We lived long lives, Eren, we lived long lives.”

“Armin?”

Armin turns his head, and there she is.

“My love,” he greets her, as she approaches him.

She is older than him, two years older than, but she is the healthiest of them all. And Armin wondered how she did that; she carried kids and went through all of those decades, and there she is.

White hair invaded her head, wrinkles adorned her face, her hands thin and yet calloused, and her eyes as blue as the day he met her.

“You can’t leave the house unannounced, Armin, what did we say about that?” She tells him as she stands next to him, but he doesn't get up.

He doesn’t want her to know that he fell, he doesn’t want her to know that he broke his cane and fell.

But with one glance at the broken pieces of the cane, she understands. She kneels next to him, and sits beside him.

“I won’t stand in your way,” she assures him, “just let me know when you want to leave the house, the kids are worried about you.”

“Who is visiting?” He asks.

“All of them,” she informs him, “we invited them for lunch, don’t you remember?”

“Ah right,” but he doesn’t remember.

“Let’s head back home,” Annie starts to get up, but he holds her hand, halting her.

And her heart drops in her stomach.

“My love,” he calls her, watching his friends’ headstones, “we lived long lives, didn’t we?”

Annie’s eyebrows meet in the middle; Armin isn’t being himself, he is distant, far away.

In another time.

In another place.

“Armin?”

“We lived long, happy lives, didn’t we?” He asks her, turning his head, and looking at her.

She sits back down, “We did.”

“We did everything any human wishes to do, didn’t we?”

“We did.”

He hums, satisfied, and looks back at his friends’ graves.

Armin

“Do you think…” he asks, “they are together now?”

Annie’s throat closes on itself, she wants to shake him.

She wants him to take her hand and walk home with her.

She wants to tell him that he can’t go before her, that he can’t let go yet.

Not yet.

Not before her.

Please, please, please.

“They are together,” she mutters, taking a deep breath, the corner of her eyes burning, “they are together.”

“They are happy, they are together,” Armin continues, a tear sliding down his face. “Annie…” he breathes her name, the way he always pronounced it with his heart, “I want to be with them too.”

She gazes at his face, and she would’ve protested, she is supposed to tell him no, that his kids are waiting for him, lunch warm on the table.

She is supposed to tell him that he is still there with them.

But he isn’t.

Armin

He is already there, he is already a step out the door.

He is no longer with her.

He doesn’t ask her to forget about him, he doesn’t ask her to let him go, because a voice, a familiar voice, told him that she will be with him very soon.

“I miss them,” he says to Annie, “I miss them so much.”

“They miss you too,” Annie whispered, placing her forehead against his own. “And I will miss you, I will miss you.”

But his sight isn’t focused, and she doesn’t know if he heard her or not, she doesn’t know how far he is.

She kisses his forehead, a long, prudent kiss.

Annie gets up, she wipes her tears with the back of her hand, and walks away; he deserves to go easily, he deserves a painless departure.

She walks down the hill and never glances back at him, she walks back to their house, and when she walks in, the joyful chatter dies down.

“Ma,” one of her sons calls, “why are you pale?”

But she doesn’t answer. They get up from the dining table and approach her, “Ma, where’s father?”

She doesn’t answer; she knows the answer, but she can’t say it.

“Mother,” her pregnant daughter, the last to get up, “mother what’s wrong? Where is father?”

“He is with them,” Annie finds her words, “he is happy with them.”

A long thread of whats pierce the air, before the two sons pushed past Annie, rushing outside the house, towards that hill.

The daughter only looked at her mother, frozen in place, in time, as his sons ran to that tree under on that hill.

On that hill, under that tree, with his friends surrounding him, Armin took his last breath.

He doesn’t know for how long he slept, or if he even fell asleep in the first place.

The leaves above him; a bright, juvenile green, swaying with a soft, warm breeze, and the leaning sun casts a soft, warm light over the clouds drifting in the sky, cascading shades and hues of a heavenly glow that whispered unearthly melodies.

He has been to that tree and that hill far too many time, and yet, it feels… different.

It feels… unreal.

“Took you too long.”

Armin hears someone talking to him, a familiar voice.

A voice he didn’t hear in too long.

Way too long.

“Yeah,” Armin answers. He hears laughs, and footsteps, and someone sitting next to him.

Armin turns his head—

“Eren,” Armin says.

“Took you too long,” Eren repeats.

“You fucking asshole,” Armin says, then he smiles, and for the first time in so many years, he has no issues getting up fast.

He throws his arms around Eren, and despite his dilemma, despite his confusion of reality and dreams, he hugs Eren, tight and long and—

“Gosh, I missed you,” Armin says, the tears on his face choking his voice, “I missed you, you fucking asshole.”

“I missed you too,” Eren says, his voice steadier and softer than Armin’s. “I waited for you for so long.”

“Where is Mikasa?” Armin asks, looking around.

“She’s home,” Eren gets up.

“Did you treat her well? I swear to God—”

Eren laughs, “Hey hey! Relax!”

“When will I see Annie?” Armin asks Eren impatiently.

Eren smiles, stretching his hand towards Armin, “Soon, very soon.”

Armin takes Eren’s hand, and only then does he see his hands; smooth, young skin covering them.

“Let’s go home,” Eren tells Armin, pulling him up, standing on their feet.

“Let’s go home!” Armin chirps, a smile on his face.

And with that, the tree watched as Armin sprinted down the hill, Eren running after him, eager for the reunion, eager for the laughs and the warmth and the happiness.

Armin was impatient to reunite with Mikasa again, but secretly, a small part of him was pained to let go of Annie.

She is going to be here, he had to remind himself, she will be here very soon.

The tree was once again abandoned on that hill, observing the far horizon of mountains and blues that met together in the middle; complementing each other.

If the tree could speak, it would’ve cried.

If the tree could speak, it would’ve sobbed and wailed and mourned humanity, mourned the death of humanity in every human’s heart.

If the tree could speak, it would’ve begged to be burnt, to be cut down.

#aot #aruani #armin arlert #attack on titan #armin x annie #shingeki no kyojin #annie leonhart #snk #eren yeager #mikasa ackerman #Eremika #eren x mikasa #Post canon #Angst #Angst with a happy ending

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moonspirit · 1 month

Note

Angst time!

• Annie is pregnant, somewhat far along maybe 16-81 weeks

•Pollitical event

•Assassination attempts and Armin is badly hurt. Doesn’t wake up for days after

•the stress causes her to loose the baby

•has to go through this without armin and ends up spending ages by his bed size with out moving eating or taking care of herself, on top of this she is still in pain from the miscarriage

•Armin wakes up and immediately checks on her and the baby like he will do

•Annie doesn’t know how to react

I love this idea but I have no idea how it will play out especially with the others like how they will react to the situation.

Holy fuck anon 🥲 You're trying to destroy these two without the possibility of repair?!

tw: pregnancy, miscarriage, extreme angst.

Tbh a stillbirth at around 20 weeks along is an incredibly traumatic event. To humour this, we will say Annie begins to suffer from hypertension and develops placental complications that... eventually lead to a stillbirth.

She's by Armin's bedside after having cried her eyes red once again because he's so still, so cold, so... eerily quiet in his sleep. He just ran a high fever the night before and it took everything in her to not imagine him dying. Still, it's been a month and he hasn't woken up. The doctors say they can't tell if he ever will. It's like the world is broken in two, unable to breathe or function.

There's no sign. Nothing seems wrong with her other than the tremors in her hands when the fear of Armin never coming back overwhelms her.

Nothing's wrong... Except her baby's been really quiet for a few days now.

Until she begins to bleed in her sheets one day.

Just like that, it's gone. Her baby, gone. Dead in her belly. Cold and heavy and so so far away.

Annie breaks down.

For the past weeks ever since finding out she was carrying life within her, she's bonded. Bonded with he or she, an imaginary wisp of blonde hair, the picture of blue eyes and a small hand curling around her finger. Bonded with the expectation of a voice gurgling and babbling, eagerly looking forward to the time when she'll finally win her bet with Armin that their baby will say "mama" first.

And Armin... She remembers how he looked when she told him. She remembers how he cried. She remembers the tremble of his hands when they caressed her stomach, still flat then. She remembers how he began to call them Mama and Papa. How he kissed her everywhere. How he brought home cake and other sweets and watched her eat away with gusto. How he laughed into her neck and fell into a comfortable silence with her as the night progressed and they lay in each other's arms, thinking about their baby. How he'd kiss her stomach and talk to their child every single day.

But he's not a Papa anymore, and she, no longer a Mama.

Their baby's gone.

The others try to help. They comfort her and wipe her tears. They hold her as she shrieks in pain at the loss in her stomach and heart. They make her eat. They make her drink. They make her sleep, but only so much works; sleep doesn't come even to help forget the emptiness in her body for a few hours.

They don't tell Annie how much they were looking forward to welcoming a tiny baby into their big happy family.

Not Pieck, not Reiner, not Jean or Connie... They mean well, but they don't help rid her of the ache, not really.

When Armin finally wakes, it's like atleast one half of the world has been righted. But he wakes, and looks at her with those blue eyes, watery and moist, relieved to see her again. Relieved to see them again.

But there is no them. Only her.

Everything that cannot be said, he understands the moment he reaches for her stomach and finds it flat and devoid of life. Empty, where a cradle used to once be. Quiet, where a voice should've been.

All is still.

#askies #you guys are making me an angst writer and i am mad 🥲#aruani #headcanon #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot #snk #armin arlert #annie leonhart #armin x annie #cw: pregnancy #cw: miscarriage #cw: death

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distortedclouds · 10 days

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Not sure if this is an original thought in the slightest, but I do like the idea of post-rumbling Annie constantly fluctuating between severe insomnia, where nothing helps put her to sleep, and periods where she's constantly sleepy, dozing off a total of 10ish hours everyday and closing her eyes at every chance she gets

I think insomniac Annie would hate just staying in bed. She'd get up for something to do or at least go on a walk. Armin tries his best to help with getting her herbal teas whenever he can get his hands on some, they don't help, but Annie says they do because she appreciates (and enjoys) the process of Armin making her a hot drink and handing her a warm mug with immense love and care

Sleepless Annie is often cold, "borrowing" any jacket or scarf that she comes across (it's only a coincidence, of course, that after a couple of weeks only Armin's stuff are almost always conveniently within reach...). She's much calmer and doesn't speak often, always hanging around everyone else's background like a ghost. She likes warm foods and treats because the sugar helps keep her up (she doesn't like the taste of most caffeinated drinks)

There's also some dangers when it gets too severe. She's dozing off while standing/sitting and Armin convinced himself she'll one day fall asleep while taking a bath and drown (.... he's a bit dramatic)

Constantly sleepy Annie, on the other hand, is cute and much less stressful to handle 🥺

Who wouldn't want to just be walking into his office and, oh! what's that? curled up in a ball on his couch is Annie. He'll cover her with his suit jacket or maybe he begins to keep a small blanket at the office, just in case. It's starting to get cold, after all

She dozes off while sitting on the sofa with everyone else. Their lively banter makes her feel safe and comfortable to close her eyes, because their voices help keep nightmares away. In fact, she often ends up dreaming of weird scenarios influenced by whatever they were talking about

It's fine to sleep on the couch, Annie realizes, because she always wakes up in her bed in the next morning. And she can tell who it was that took her in. If it's Reiner, she wakes up a little cold and her neck hurts a bit. At least he takes her shoes off. She's positive it was Connie who let her sleep with her shoes on (Levi would've been appalled at the thought of shoes in bed)

Armin, though she always wakes up with the pillow at the right position under her head, an extra blanket over her legs with the edges tucked in to keep the chill at bay. Her shoes are by the door and there's her (or maybe his) cardigan on the bedside table in case she wakes up in the middle of the night for something

She likes to nap against his shoulders on the sofa while he goes through documents, or even just in the same room if he has a lot of deskwork. closing her eyes and opening them to the rustling of papers and quiet steps around the office if one of her favorites

#shingeki no kyojin #annie #aruani #annie leonhart #annie leonhardt #headcanon #fluff #angst #but only a little bti #no proofreading we die as illiterate as Eren #attack on titan

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annawayne · 4 months

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Whispers Of The Verdant Lament

Mavka AU*

*Mavkas, in Ukrainian folklore and mythology, are the souls of women who had died an unnatural, tragic death; they often appear in the form of beautiful young girls who entice and lure young men into the woods, where they "tickle" them to death. Mavkas have no reflection in the water, nor do they cast shadows; they have green hair and pale/green skin, sometimes - naked.

In the forest, you're not alone. Smerekas* with their long trunks stretch up to the sky, cutting the cloud with emerald needles and wooden veins. The soft moss covers the soil, echoing each step with rich crisp. The horizons are flooded with grass, erasing the limits, prolonging the space as if it's infinite harmony of savage, wild nature. The forest is the tribe, with its rules and rhythm.

Armin knows - every family has secrets, so does the forest, and every shade of green keeps the story of someone who made this place their tomb. And Armin also knows - the distant cries of the mountain river breathe with the last words of his Annie.

It was an accident, the unmerciful, cruel circumstance. Her feet slipped, a second - and the river took her. A day later, they found her lifeless body, and Armin was sure -his lungs filled with water of mourning he never would be able to get rid of.

His vision aches from the bright light as he reaches the cliff, where the tense tree line meets the sharp edge of the earth. Here it is. The place where everything ends - and as well would his life. She was the place between his ribs, and after she was gone - it couldn't be replaced; it whistled with grief and sorrow, nothing and no one could fulfil. She was everything - the feeble smile in the morning with sleepy eyes and groggy voice; the crystal laugh as they chased one after another in the slopes under the prominent spring sun, only to fall into the embrace of long grass, giggling and hugging each other; the tiny sparks in her eyes and the steady, slow breath as he plays trembita**; the delightful hum when the bilberry* she has plucked from the bush turned to be sweet and juicy; the adorable blush on her soft cheeks and the broad smile only he was able to see after they made love; the exceptional stitches on shirts she embroidered for both of them... Oh, of course, he's wearing the one right now. With his wedding outfit, she never has the chance to see.

Armin sighs and closes his eyes. Annie made stitches not only on the fabric but also in his heart and body; he carries her unique embroidery and ornaments on the skin and soul of her life and love. It's almost unbearable to see his reflection because every part was kissed, touched, and loved by her. And now Armin stands at the same cliff and ready to take a step forward: not a tragic coincidence, like with her, but the decision.

"Armin."

He is sure - this is the wind. Another trick of nature, his imagination, anything.

"Armin."

No, no, no, it's all in his head. But tentative, almost slow, he turns his head, and he sees-

"Annie," her name exhaled like the air he needed all the time she was gone. Tears immediately filled his eyes, blurring his vision, but even with this, Armin captured her hair slightly green, her pale—more pale than usual—skin, green lips, and her favourite long undershirt, which she wore that fateful day.

"Long time no see, love," A small smile paints her face, and Armin steps towards her, running in her direction.

"Annie, Annie, Annie, An-"

Her small hand rises up, and with a gesture, she pleads him to stop. Like a spell, his feet halt, and his chest rises with heavy breath; he is sure not from the run.

"You can't jump from this cliff." her calm words fill the air between them. "You should live a long life, see the world, like you dreamed abou-"

"But I wanted to do all of it with you!"

"But I'm gone, Armin. I live in this forest, and you're still there, without strings to the place. You still can do it for both of us. "

The tears completely covered his eyes, and uncontrollable sobs cut all of his intention to say the word. So, she smiles again, and the gentle voice follows, "You should live, and when you would be the grumpy old man, you would come to this forest and call for me. You would stretch your hand, and I would take it, as I always did, and then, you will be young again, and we will be together one more time, and forever; we will be lost in the slopes and the rivers, in the grass and the mountains. But only then. Not early, not today. Only then,"

"Annie, I lo-"

"I know. I do, too."

"I miss-"

"Me too."

"An-"

"Only then, Armin. This is the condition. So, live. Live, and we will meet again."

His words are muffled with sobs, so the only thing he manages is to nod.

"I... I don't know how, but I'll try. I miss you so much."

"I'm always there in your heart. I never left you, so...carry me to the world with you because this is the only way I could see it. Our hearts are connected, after all, so... Show me the world, Armin, as we dreamed about."

Armin closes his eyes, and the nails dig into his palms. It starts to hurt. "I'll try, Annie. I'll try."

The phantom touch caressed his cheek and made him open his eyes, and her face was right before his. Her dreamy, ghostly eyes are glossy and hazy with fog, but he recognizes this shade—his favourite, hers. Her lips quickly brush against his, and the hushed whisper follows: "It's nice to see this wedding outfit on you. You look so wonderful and beautiful. I really wanted to show you mine, but... I will be waiting for you, love."

And with this, she is gone.

Again.

The shadow of her cold kiss still lingers on his lips as Armin falls onto his knees, and the loud song of the mountain river is muffled by his cries.

*Smerekas or Picea abies - the pine tree that is widely growing in the Ukrainian Carpathians;

**Trembita is a type of wood-made alpine horn. It is common among Ukrainian highlanders, Hutsuls, who live in western Ukraine (Carpathians). According to the ancient Hutsul tradition, a trembita should be made from a thunderbolt, i.e. a tree that has been struck by lightning. The age of the tree should be 120-150 years.

#aruani #aruani fic #aruani fanfiction #aruani fanfic #aruani short story #arminarlert #annie leonhardt #annie leonhart #it's been in my notes for a very long time #my days are awful and I decided to share this angst #my writing #ukrainian mythology #ukrainian folklore #mavka au #whispers of the verdant laments

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naeisscore · 3 months

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The one that got away....

"Never planned that one day, I'd be losing you" [Reiner Braun x reader]

Content warnings: angst, hurt no comfort, modern au, high school sweethearts, songfics, war, death, strangers to lovers, lovers to strangers, regret

Inspired by Katy Perry's The One That Got Away

Word count: 10.9k

A/n: not proofread, posted this on 2019 Tumblr and wattpad (using a different pseudonym) and I decided to repost it again

♡ ㅤ⭒⠀♡ ⭒ㅤ𓈒ㅤ��⠀♡ ⭒ㅤ𓈒ㅤ⭒⠀♡ ⭒ㅤ𓈒ㅤ⭒⠀♡ ⭒ㅤ𓈒ㅤ⭒⠀♡ ⭒ㅤ𓈒ㅤ⭒⠀♡ ⭒ㅤ𓈒ㅤ⭒⠀♡

Summer after high school when we first met

It was one, sunny afternoon when you and your friends passed by your usual hang-out place. You just finished taking the final exams with Mikasa and Annie, and it drained the hell out of you. Being worn out from taking a difficult exam did take a toll on you when it comes to your mental health and well-being. For weeks, you stayed up all night to prepare for the examination and there were countless sleepless nights, meals that were skipped, and of course, a lot of procrastination and spacing out in your dorm room.

Life sucks and is unfair at the same time. Those two girls are gifted, and like, it's natural for them to be genius and extraordinary. While you, you're so, plain, normal. You need to work hard to keep up with them.

Whenever there's a group study, you notice that they never read too much. They read it one time, and that's it. They immediately learned the lesson and retained the information.

You, on the other hand, are pretty much of an average type of student.

As usual, you dropped your overrated type of cliche-college tote bag on the picnic table as you sat next to Annie. You sighed out of exhaustion, your head still hurt due to lack of sleep, and you felt your eyes sting a little.

"I'm going to order on the nearby coffee truck. You guys want something?" Mikasa asked.

"the usual, please." You said, taking a deep breath.

As Mikasa lines up to the nearby food truck, you stare into space out of the blue, imagining that you're rather in another dimension, in another life, where you're chasing the degree that you always like. Wondering what life would be like for you if you took arts and design instead of marketing.

Your world turned upside down on that specific sunny afternoon when Mikasa's boyfriend, Eren, showed up unannounced at the picnic table with several familiar people, but not familiar enough to be acquainted with. He had brought his football teammates right after they won a football match against the opposing university.

You've recognized some of them, which you usually see passing by the hallway, some were unfamiliar, while others were your childhood classmates from elementary school or middle school, the same school you went to with Mikasa and Annie.

The only person who was able to catch your attention was the guy who recently passed by, the guy who has an intimidating brusque statue with dirty blonde locks that match his chiseled features and that striking hazel eyes, those stupid brown eyes.

From the corner, you eyed the boisterous blonde, laughing with one of his friends, and a certain pair of brown eyes observed you from afar.

"Didn't expect our sweet y/n to check someone out, an airhead gorilla-like Reiner, really?!!" Sasha shouted, loud enough for everyone to hear. Your face reddened to the sudden announcement, embarrassed by it. Few of their teammates heard, you hoping your friends didn't, and Reiner himself.

But Eren did.

"What? I-I'm not even looking!" you deny her accusation, looking away from them, blushing from humiliation. You swear you will kill Sasha after this. And now, you're imagining the scenarios in your mind as you plot your revenge against her. Maybe give her with Cheese sandwich with mothballs in it or maybe steal her lunch box for a week, no, for a month, or prank her by replacing her food with food clays.

Her reaction would be hilarious, priceless indeed, and you should record it in 4k.

Unbeknownst to you, Eren was looking, from you to Reiner. A mischievous grin appeared on his face as if plotting something more embarrassing than what Sasha did.

He approached you suddenly, dragging you to a nearby table where their teammates sat.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" you asked, caught off-guard by his sudden action. You tried to pull away from his grasp, but he was too strong. You don't feel good about this at all, that humiliation from Sasha was enough for the day.

You knew Eren before, up until now. he had something planned on his sleeve based on his body language.

"What? I'm trying to introduce you to him!" He chuckled.

"The hell, Eren?! You're not gonna do that, gosh, this is so embarrassing---" Eren pushed you against Reiner, too much that you almost stumble from your balance, his broad back was facing you, but he glanced back once he felt you.

And Maybe due to his alertness and strong instinct, he had grabbed your arm on time, preventing you from falling to the ground.

"Oops.." Eren innocently scratches the back of his head as if he didn't do something intentionally. This brat doesn't fail to get on your nerves all the damn time either from his little prank or dirty tricks on his sleeves. If he wasn't only dating Mikasa, surely, you will beat the shit out of him one day.

"Oh, shit. I'm so sorry!!" You blushed madly, avoiding eye contact with him. you're embarrassed, plus, he was attractive as hell!

"Reiner, I'd like to introduce someone to you."You try to be as calm as possible, even making sure not to stutter a bit or tremble from a feeling of nervousness. but deep inside, you were screaming internally as Eren continued his introduction of you to one of his friends whom you've heard that he considered a brother figure.

"I'm y/n. It's nice to meet you." You tried your best to hide your anxiety from the man, who caught your eyes a while ago, making sure not to stutter in front of him.

"Reiner." He lent his hand to you, and nervously, you took it, shaking his warm hand against your small ones. Those hands were big and calloused due to him being an athlete. You noticed he was still holding your hand, delicately.

"Wanna go somewhere with me after this?" He asked.

"I would love that." You smiled.

At that moment, you realized that your hands fit perfectly as if it was made for each other. You didn't know that this little interaction would start something between the two of you.

We'd make out in your Mustang to Radiohead

"Do you know guys?! I saw Reiner and (y/n) making out in his Mustang last Friday night!"You almost choked on your soda drink as you sat in the bleachers with your friends, and you almost fell on your seat as you heard what Connie had just said. You were sure that everyone in the bleachers had heard what he said.

"Connie, you asshole!" You shouted, throwing his duffel bag at him in the field.

"whoa, (y/n), didn't know you have it in you!!" Sasha elbowed you, smirking as she teased you about your night rendezvous with Reiner.

"C'mere, you little shit. I'll smack that shaved head of yours." Reiner had chased him all the way to the football field as your friends burst with laughter, filling the whole field with waves of laughter and cheer as you all watched the meathead of a guy chase his unfortunate friend being head locked with muscles and biceps.

And on my 18th birthday, we got matching tattoos

"How about a Hello Kitty tattoo next time?"You revert your gaze from him to the new tattoo that you both got, freshly embedded in your skin, comparing the matching tattoo to his. It was a little tattoo of a pair of wings, which symbolizes the hope of freedom, you saw this symbol from Armin's history book which he kept telling you for years, that history book was passed down from generation to generation, and that astounding symbol was called the wings of freedom.

"Fuck no, I prefer Spongebob over kitty." You laughed at him as he messed up your hair. Hello Kitty was your favorite cartoon character when you were a child, so, imagining it on Reiner, and seeing it embedded in his brusque figure made you giggle a little bit. It will look adorable in cute to a giant of a man like him.

"Hey! That's so rude, she's my favorite!". You scowled at him.

Matching tattoos on your birthday was what you asked Reiner for your birthday, which he gladly accepted. It's a minimal detail of white and blue wings but it means a lot, yours was white, while he was blue. You had this thought that instead of both wings on the tattoo, you should split it instead, symbolizing that it will only be complete whenever you're together, like a missing piece of a puzzle, because that's what you both are, you're each other's missing piece, and Reiner knew that.

A match made in heaven, symbolizing that you'd have freedom whenever you're with him, that you two should never be apart, like a pair of wings, hope, and freedom.

Used to steal your parents' liquor and climb to the roof

"What the hell, Reiner? We shouldn't drink, we're not 18 yet!" You glared at him as you followed him to the roof outside his window, crawling beside him.

"My parents aren't here. come on, y/n! It's just a zip, so stop being a killjoy."

Just a zip, but it ended as a hangover.

Talk about our future like we had a clue

"How many children do you want to have?" Reiner looked in your direction as you prepared the food that you put in the basket. He was lying in the grass, looking at you as if you were the only person that mattered to him. His gaze soften to the thought.

Weeks ago, you persuade Reiner to go celebrate your 2nd anniversary with him on a picnic date, an intimate, afternoon date to which he gladly agrees.

"I don't know, haven't thought of that yet, it's too early though, but as long as it's with you, I'm okay with how many. How about you?" You shrugged your shoulders at him, unaware of what future awaits in the future.

"How about 12?"

"W-WHAT?!

"Were you planning to have your football team?!"

"Kind of" yeah, with a little mix of you and him running around.

Never planned that one day I'd lose you

"I need to tell you something." You glanced back at him as he walked beside you on the sidewalk, walking you back home as the sun began to set. As the most protective guy and responsible boyfriend, it's appropriate to walk you home.

"What?" You asked.

"I'm joining the military."

⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒

"Are we going to argue over this, again?" You both just got home from a family dinner with his family. As soon as you went home, you both started to argue over things that were said during dinner. He started to pinch the bridge of his nose due to stress, and the heat of words that was exchanged that night. He never avoids his gaze on you, but now, it's different.

Reiner began to avoid his gaze on you.

" You shouldn't have said that in front of my family in the first place. what are you even thinking?" He was talking about your encounter at the family dinner with the Brauns, with his family.

"And what, you want me to lie? You shouldn't enlist in the military." You said simply as you both approached your front porch, Reiner followed behind you as you tried to open the front door. As you entered your shared home, he tried his best to avoid the conversation as much as possible.

Maybe this was some sort of coping mechanism for him since he was a child, by not talking things out, considering his lonely upbringing, growing up in a broken family.

His long-term coping mechanism was avoidance, by staying silent. Reiner was always like this, and what he did was walk straight out of your shared bedroom without even glancing at you, and yet, you still followed after him, hanging your coat first to the near rack in the living room.

"that's not your decision to make though." Reiner unbuttoned his pristine shirt, loosening his tie while looking at his massive figure in the mirror, not even looking at you.

His head hurts from your heated exchange of words, and Reiner deemed it unnecessary. He just wants to have a peaceful dinner with his family and girlfriend since he's preparing to leave for the military because he will be gone in the meantime. But you chose to ruin the evening for everyone.

"Now Gabi was upset about what you've said. You know she looked up to me the most, remember?" He spat back. You remembered that Gabi wanted to be a cadet like Reiner, and she always dreamed of bringing honor to the family, because it's tradition.

The dinner went into chaos when his mother brought up the topic to the dinner table about Reiner leaving for the military, how proud she is, and that his son is dedicated to the sake of their family's reputation, like bringing honor to their family type-of-bullshit. And what you did was to express your thoughts about it, that their contribution to a change doesn't change the fact that war will happen again because people were always the problem in the first place. And also, that killing people wasn't honorable, especially if there's a civilian involved, that it's not worth it, especially what your country was doing to the nearby nation, a genocide towards the opposing nation.

You damn know well this doesn't benefit Reiner at all. This was eating him alive, and Reiner didn't that life, a cycle that was doomed to repeat itself. It's not worth it for Reiner to risk his life like that, no, not your Reiner.

"Military has always been my dream." He added.

"Your dream? or your mother's?"

Reiner felt suffocated, not by the tie that he was wearing from the dinner, but by your piercing words

that were digging holes through his core, sucking the life out of him. Your words were just...cruel.

"You can fool yourself but you can't fool me, Reiner.

I know you always wanted to be a hero, but you're not the strongest man in the world, Reiner. There are other ways. There has to be another way. " You retorted.

"I don't want you to give your life for other people, I want you to live for yourself." You added.

You might sound cruel and downright way out of the line, but you don't have any choice but to say those words to him because he doesn't understand that it's just wrong, and it's the truth, and he's not seeing past that. You would rather tell him the truth than lose him completely.

"Look, you don't understand where I'm coming from, Reiner. You know that I care about you. I love you, okay?! And I will be honest with you."

You don't need to join the military to show your loyalty to our country. You don't need to prove something to anyone. You can show your loyalty by doing other things." You knew there was something in his sleeve that he wasn't telling you.

You know that there's something wrong the moment you utter your thoughts. You are too smart to notice his facade. You knew this. He had changed when your cousin died, and since then, Reiner wasn't the same anymore.

Marcel was dead, and you knew Reiner enough that he was blaming himself all his life. Marcel was your cousin, and since childhood, you heard from Porco how they got each other's back through ups and downs. They formed this brotherly bond together with Bertholdt and Porco. You've seen how they build their dreams, and how they treasure their friendships the most.

You also knew it was Marcel's dream to be a soldier, not Reiner's.

Sometimes, you've caught Reiner checking the news about business and stocks, even searching for the stock markets, and watching how to make 3D building structures on YouTube. You teased him several times about this, but he just shrugged it off. But deep down, you knew that Reiner wanted to be a businessman or an engineer, but the problem is, Reiner doesn't admit it even to himself.

He will fight his family and even his mother about his career path, that he doesn't want to be a soldier, that he doesn't want to bow down to the family tradition of a long line of generational soldiers.

But all his dreams and re-consideration to change his career went downhill when Marcel saved him while he crossed the streets. Your cousin saved him at the brink of death, and since then, Reiner has blamed himself that it should've been him dead, not him.

"It's my life, and I'm going to do what I want. Of all the people I know, I thought you were going to support me on this." He wanted to atone for what happened to his friend, even if it was not his fault, he was still owning up to the guilt.

"Yeah, but not like this!"

Everyone knew that it was an accident and no one was at fault for what happened. But Reiner was too traumatized to look past that. So, out of guilt and regret, he tried to be Marcel. Reiner easily adapts his big brother persona, his habits, and even his dreams.

There's a pregnant pause after you shout, but you say something out of the blue.

"It's not your fault."you're now standing behind him as you stare through at him in the mirror.

"What do you mean?" Reiner freezes from his spot, not wanting to hear those words from you, the truth. Those pitiful words, those it's-not-your-fault words because, he thinks he never deserves that, and he doesn't want your pity.

"It's not your fault." You repeated your words for him to hear. You knew he had heard you right, loud and clear. But he chooses to not hear it any longer. What you said was not a word of pity, but a word for him as a sign of comfort, that you'll always be there for him, that you understand, but still, he doesn't see it. He was somehow surprised by your bold words, unexpected of you to reveal what has been distracting him all those years, it's like you can see through his mind, and he hated that.

he can't believe that you knew, all along.

"It's about Marcel, right? It was an accident, Reiner."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He tried to steer away from the topic but you're still persistent towards the sensitive topic. You're crossing a very dangerous line, a line that he drew years ago. He will avoid the conversation by walking away from your shared room so that you'd never be able to cross that red line and go to that point.

If only he could walk from the other side of the earth so that you'd never bring up this topic once again.

but you followed him, again. You always fucking follow him. Why would you always follow him?

"I know it, Reiner, from the moment you changed.

You know you can talk to me, right? We're soulmates." You know it's not good to force people to talk about their depression and anxiety, but you still did, your desperation for him to choose a different path was much greater, because, it's your Reiner, the most dedicated man you've known for years.

You knew that it would eat him alive not talking about it, and that guilt was taking a toll on his mental health. You're afraid that he might attempt to take his own life one day if things go wrong, especially if he fully succumbs to depression.

"Reiner, their parents, my aunt and uncle served the military, if you joined, they will make you suffer throughout the training, they won't hesitate to send you to a deadly mission. That's just suicide!" You're well aware of their wrath towards Marcel's death, you know it's not Reiner's fault, it was never his fault. It was an accident, but somehow, part of his parents blamed Reiner for their son's death because they lost their firstborn, their heir.

"I don't care," Reiner said. 'I deserved it'. He wanted to add. But doesn't have the guts to say it.

"If Marcel was here, he wouldn't be happy seeing what you're doing."

"Do you even know what you're saying?" He glanced back at you, his cold eyes pierced through you, and his voice was now laced with anger due to your blunt statement.

"You know what I'm talking about, and I'm saying this because I will never give you up to humanity." You snapped as you chased him down.

"You need to save yourself, Reiner, this isn't you!"

"That's it." You knew you were at the limit of his patience. You had crossed the line. Those lines of patience that was hanging like a thread.

Reiner was the most patient guy you've ever met, even Eren cannot be on par when it comes to his patience. Hell, that guy has anger issues. Whenever you took hours to choose clothes and shoes at the store, he would patiently wait for you to finish trying different clothes, and whenever you're mad at him, even if it's your fault, he would lower his pride and apologize to you. But this time, it's different. This time it would be different.

"You don't tell me what to do, y/n. It's not like we're married or something."

"But we will, eventually, Reiner. Don't tell me you don't see that?" That future that you both built up during that picnic date was now, slipping away. He's slipping away.

'You still see your future with me, right?' You thought, eyes pleading to him to at least say something.

Reiner didn't say anything.

"You know, my father already abandoned my family when I was 3, and since then, it's been my duty." He convinced you, but it seems like he's more convincing himself.

"If you can't endure the possibility of me being dead someday since I'm a soldier, then you shouldn't date me in the first place." You were beyond shocked to hear those words from him, heartbroken from the hurtful words that he had thrown at you.

He has a point. Death will come one way or another, and you sound selfish in someone's point of view. But that isn't your point of view. You're trying to save the one you love from making the wrong decisions, and you want him to live for himself, not for others.

You're right, none of it matters in the end, and he can't see past that. Maybe he might, someday.

Right now, you can't find the right words to justify your point. You were out of words out of frustration and anxiousness. Your shame took over your form at the moment because you knew your choice of words wasn't right to pierce through him. He was too unstable to understand that.

You cannot pierce through him, your words were nothing new.

'I'm sorry." You said, looking at the ground out of

shame, unable to find the right words. He sat on the sofa, leaning his elbow to his knee as he held his head out of frustration.

"I'm sorry that you felt that way, but that was never my intention—"

"I don't know if this relationship is going to work."

in another life, I would be your girl

"What are you trying to say?" You asked tears started to pool in the corner of your eyes, you're trying as much as possible to fight the urge not to cry but failed miserably to no attempt.

"Are you trying to leave me? what about us? you promised!" You cried out.

We'd keep all our promises

"I never thought that you would cross that line, you've gone too far, y/n. I never wanted to hear those words ever, especially from you."

"Fuck it."

"Yeah, you don't want me to die because you'll be alone? you sound so selfish right now, yeah, that's the right word." His words stung as if someone had stabbed you from the inside, and you couldn't pinpoint its location. Everything hurts. He was saying the most painful words to you, those words that you never expected coming from him.

"We need to break up."

You didn't understand how your words had an impact on him, that it'll become his final straw to uncleaved his childhood and lifelong trauma.

You had unscratched his temporary band-aids that he had attached for years, band-aids that didn't help that much as he grew up, you unleashed those painful memories that he tried to bury in the back of his mind. Those thoughts kept him awake in the middle of the night when he was alone. In one night, you ripped those all out, and you brought it all back.

Be us against the world

"I thought we were soulmates.."

"Yeah, we were."

In another life

He put on his leathered shoes again, wearing his coat that you hung on the racks a while ago. His retreating figure forever be etched in your mind.

I would make you stay

'"I won't bring it up ever again, please don't leave."

"Don't leave me."

So I don't have to say you were

"Reiner!"

The one that got away

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I was June and you were my Johnny Cash

You realized weeks ago that Johnny Cash didn't help you from getting your miserable and heartbroken ass out of the couch, considering it's you and your ex's ride-or-die song. Listening to it was making it worse. No ice cream chocolate cake, or even beach get-away can make you ease the pain.

You used to be the typical soft girl who's happy with the way things were, a girl who enjoys the company of books, likes taking a nap in the afternoon, and cooks different dishes whenever you have the time.

And now, you don't know how to return to your old self anymore, it's like she banished that instant, lost somewhere where no one else could reach her.

He took your heart one night, and he never gave it back. You felt scared and confused, and it hurt like hell especially that the one person you loved the most left you. It's like someone had abandoned you in a secluded place, and you freeze right on the spot where they left you.

You told yourself that if Reiner ever decided to come back that morning. You'll welcome him back with open arms and you're willing to work things out for him. This time, you will be kind with your words.

But he never did. He was gone. Right before you came back to the apartment, some of his belongings weren't in their usual place. He already packed his things and belongings and brought all of them along with him before you even arrived. That empty house was left with only your belongings, and also the furniture that you both bought in Ikea.

It doesn't help your case too that you received an email from the landlord that Reiner wouldn't rent the apartment in the next rent renewal. It's really over, you thought.

No messages, no texts, no mail. He had also blocked you.

since you cannot afford to rent on your own, you decide to move in with Annie.

Reiner also avoided you as much as he could. During every friend's gathering, he wouldn't be present if he knew you would be there too.

This was a hint that he's sending you and he's making it clear that he doesn't want to see you ever again.

Ever since he left, you have tried your best to adjust a little without Reiner being there. He was there right after high school where you met him. He was there when you were starting to build yourself from scratch. The typical high-school sweethearts. He always got your back, hearing your rants and frustration, he was there when your friends were busy and no one was there to accompany you. He was there as you laughed your ass out to his lame jokes, or even when watching his favorite Adam Sandler's comedy movies.

He was there when you're crying because you feel neglected by your parents. He was there when you felt you couldn't go on anymore, the stress had gotten into you because of schoolwork and homework. He was there to listen, he was your one-called away, your best friend. But then, he's gone.

What's the point of moving on if everything reminds you of him? He was almost everywhere.

Radiohead and Johnny Cash have been always your and his go-to playlists, during unexpected meet-ups, summer getaways, or night road trips. Those memories do not fade easily, and you don't think that they will ever will. What happened to your love story became a white noise, almost painful to endure the longer you heard it, and that "Johnny Cash" playlist was the only thing you could hear at this moment. To put it simply, Johnny Cash's playlist was one of your reminders of him and his memories, and you're not ready to let go of that.

Never one without the other, we made a pact

Wherever where he was, during his matches, lunchtime, birthdays, and holidays, you named it, everyone expected that you would be there too.

"You're my plus one, remember?" He said.

Because Braun belonged to you, and you belonged to him, you were inseparable the moment you met him, they convinced themself that no one can separate the both of you from being together, and Eren can attest to that.

But now, it's different.

Sometimes when I miss you I put those records on

"So, you still listened to that song, huh?" You snapped out of your thoughts as you heard Annie from behind. You almost forgot that she was there, since most of the time, you tend to space out a lot.

"No, I am not." You immediately hid your phone from her sight in your pocket, scrabbling the screen in your pocket to stop or skip the music. You looked away from her as you denied the obvious.

"your volumes are too loud, dumbass." She tapped her right ear, implying the earphones that you're wearing. At this point, you admit that fooling Annie was the most stupid attempt you've ever made to someone. Nice try, dumb ass.

"You are still in love with him." Annie had said that evening.

A few months had passed and still, you cannot move on from him, you can't get him out of your head.

You thought sometimes that it's almost impossible to get rid of his ghost. His influence on you intertwined to the point that none of the guys had that much of an impact on you.

You missed him, a lot. And you will gladly listen to Radiohead and Johnny Cash whenever you miss him, or whenever he popped up in your mind.

It's hard to move on from the person you love the most, especially if can't work things out due to miscommunication. But you need to accept the fact that it's over. He's gone, and will never come back.

You had nothing against him, he was a good guy, a reliable friend and senior to a bunch of freshmen, and a loving son to his mother. You wish him the best in life.

You know it will take you time before you heal from these wounds, but it's okay, you're going to be okay.

Annie was going to be a policewoman since it was her and her father's dream so, you're going to be alone most of the time from now on. Even Mikasa is going to get her Master's degree in her profession, so probably, you three would've parted ways.

There are things that you regret in the past, regret that keep you awake in the middle of the night. You only want what's best for him, but your words were bringing him down, like a reminder of his depression and trauma, and you're in no position to acknowledge his depression since he didn't bring it up first.

You regret pushing his patience like that, and right now, we're still wondering if things would be different if you never made that confrontation, regret that you should've chosen the right words, not the wrong ones.

But the thing you regret the most is that you weren't able to tell him how much he means to you, and how much you love him, that night.

If you could only meet your old self, you would probably strangle yourself, but what's done is done.

But at least, you can still listen to songs that remind you of the bad and good. at least, these songs will play for you an imaginary vision, the what-ifs, wherein, you two didn't drift apart.

Someone said you had your tattoo removed

Someone said to you that Reiner got his tattoo removed. that pair of blue wings.

"I saw Reiner last week." Your eyes caught Jean's the moment he mentioned his name. Your ears perked up with curiosity, perhaps, excitement? knowing that you'll know what he's been up to.

"That tattoo you both got since high school, he had removed it from a tattoo parlor." A painful sting stabbed your heart as Jean said those words one evening as you went to a bar after a stressful exam.

"Sorry, y/n. I didn't mean to bring him to our conversation. I just thought you should've known." He gulped the beer that he was holding, drifting down his deep thoughts about something, maybe, about someone. He's been pinning over a certain person for years.

Besides, Mikasa had friend-zoned him longed time ago.

"of course, he would, he's joining the military and that's not allowed." You answered. There's a sudden pang in your heart that seems to cultivate as you drink away your thoughts. You tried your best to make an excuse, but you cannot fool your friends with this. Reiner had removed it for some reason.

"And that's a stupid tattoo from high school. That doesn't mean anything tho." that means a lot.

"That doesn't sound convincing." Jean looked at you with genuine concern, he knew you were trying to comfort yourself. From your reaction, you still haven't moved on from him. It's obvious. You can fool yourself, but not your friends.

"It's okay, Horseface! Besides, it was my idea to have that tattoo and, we did break up as well so it's only normal to have him remove it since we're not together anymore." You said it was okay, but the pain still lingers there.

He was getting rid of the memories of you, while you, you're still stuck in the same place where he left you.

As for you, you're doing as much as you can to hold onto things that remind you of him.

He got rid of the tattoo,

And you still kept yours.

Saw you downtown singing the blues

It hurts more when the news about him doesn't reach you through rumors, it fucking hurts when you see it with your own eyes.

You had visited the City of Marley with Annie after you spent the day going to several coffee shops and bookstores, right after spending a good amount on clothes, you parted ways since she needed to come back to the headquarters. Besides, she's going to visit her father tomorrow so she needs to leave soon.

You waved at her as she waved back, watching her figure disappear from the distance.

Then, an unexpected happened at a very unexpected time as you walked down the busy streets of Marley.

After 5 years, you saw him again. fortunately, far enough for him to not see you from a distance. You noticed some changes about him, he grew taller, his build was more muscular and his fashion sense was more mature compared to high school, making him look more intimidating compared to the last time you saw him.

You've heard he had finished his military training, from being a cadet, he already earned his reputation in the military and was able to climb through the ranks. His hard work finally paid off instantly.

Suddenly, you saw him go out of the bar with another woman, a pretty one.

Fuck.

You don't think you've seen her somewhere nor know her from a certain place, but from the way she looks, she's not from your hometown. So you concluded that maybe she's not from here.

She's far prettier too, more confident, and looks like the cool type. You bet she wasn't as toxic as you are. You're nothing compared to her.

This is it.

You haven't seen him that peaceful back then.

This is the part where you'll need to close one of your chapters.

He moved on, and he's happy.

And that's all you cared about. His happiness.

Even if you're no longer part of it.

It's time to face the music, I'm no longer your muse

"Will you love another woman even if I'm gone?"

"I don't think I ever will."

You're no longer her June, his muse. He's no Johnny Cash anymore, so it's time to end this hope in your heart that someday, time may bring you both back together.

It's not going to happen, it will never happen, he's already with someone now.

You're just part of his broken, and miserable past. A girl who brought up his mental illness and existential crisis when things don't go your way. Of course, he wouldn't settle for something like that.

You're part of the problem, a girl who brought back his trauma, a past that he erased years ago.

The way he held her waist brought you on the verge of tears like someone had stabbed you straight up to the heart. Your heart crumbles from staring at them, there's some longing on your part, well, maybe, you shouldn't have looked.

The fire inside your heart was now flickering, slowly dying out from what you were seeing.

You're delusional for expecting him to come back. And it's not his fault that you refused to move on.

Pathetic. How life can be cruel like this?

You never felt stupid until then, stupid for loving the same person for years.

It's time to close this chapter in your life.

It's time to move on.

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"Dr. Yeager!" You're not surprised to see Mr. Yeager in the hospital setting, he was Eren's father, and you had known him since your childhood.

"I'm glad to see you, y/n, but not here." He said. You smiled at him, a reassuring one that it's going to be okay.

"so, how have you been?" you passed out earlier on the street as you were walking outside to attend your campus. Good thing Mikasa was able to catch you on time, preventing damage to your head. As you were brought to the infirmary, the head nurse in the university suggested that you need to be brought to a hospital as soon as possible to run some tests on you.

'I'm good, but my eyes are kind of hazy. I felt weak too. I'm kind of thirsty too." You can see that he's not happy seeing you here, in this setting, in his workplace. You as his patient and him, as your doctor.

"So how's my diagnosis? Am I going to die?" You joked.

"No." He shook his head as he looked at you, his glass was a gleaming reflection of the light above the room.

Not yet.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, y/n, but based on your test, you have acute kidney failure."

"You only got a few years to live."

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"Hi."

You froze dead in your spot, as you saw a familiar figure walking towards you in slow motion, like in the movies. But this wasn't a fairytale, nor an iconic romantic movie. This is reality.

Of all the faces you've encountered throughout your life, the unfamiliar and familiar ones, this wasn't the one you expected to see the most, especially right now.

To be honest, he was the least, and the last person you expect to see here out of this place, a freaking public park in the middle of a big city.

It's like everything that happened for the past years is coming back again, all the good, and the bad memories.

The last interaction with the man you loved was forever engraved in your mind, the same man who walked away from your life on that one fateful night.

He's standing in front of you from a good distance, not too close, but enough for you to hear him.

"What?" your mouth slightly agape as you looked at him in shock, to the point that you didn't notice that he was getting nearer as time went by.

You're not even friends with him since then, hell, he cut you off since that night, he doesn't want to see you and doesn't want to do anything with you. He wants to stay as far away from you, and he made that clear years ago. It's been 5 years since then, and he never reaches out to make amendments. So why now?

No matter how Annie and Bertholdt tried to reconcile the both of you, even if not as lovers, but at least just as friends, he never did. It won't work no matter what effort your friends gave, and there's nothing left for you to amend. that message was clear.

You wanted to avoid this situation more than those useless emergency meetings with your boss, but you damn well can't now. He's here, in his full Braun glory.

You snapped out of your thoughts and strode away, walking past him. You looked anywhere, anything except his hazel eyes.

Suddenly, it's suffocating, and you're more determined to leave the public place as soon as possible.

You don't care if you'll turn out rude for ignoring him. You don't care at all. It doesn't even matter.

Your motto is, 'If he was here, then there's no reason for you to be here either.' and you keep repeating that over your head for several years now.

"Wait." He followed you, chasing you as you moved to walk away from him. His steps were bigger and you knew he would catch up to you if you didn't speed up. God, that stupid long legs of his.

You felt nauseous, you wanted to puke, but none ever came out of your mouth.

"Y/N, wait—" he pleads.

"If you just—" In a split second, he caught up to you, holding your wrist firmly, not too tight, and pulled you against him which forced you to turn around.

"You look pale. You okay?" His eyes softened as he stared at your face, looking at you with concern. The same face that he had only seen in pictures for years which was probably outdated. The face that was living rent free in his mind, 24/7. That face that he hadn't seen in years.

"thank you for the compliment." You said sarcastically.

"Sorry. That sounds rude." He scratches the back of his head, not intending to offend you or whatsoever.

"I shouldn't be here, I'm leaving." You'd rather leave than have him see you again, especially like this.

"Please.. It's been a while since I last saw you. Can't we talk?" He asked.

"I just passed by, then I saw you. Just wanted to know how have you been?" A lie, it's not usual to see a soldier in this area, specifically him, a high-ranking official. unbeknownst to your knowledge, he went to this exact place just to see you. He wanted to talk, alright?

"I'm okay."

"From what happened in the past, I.... I apologize. Please, let me explain" He said.

"You never gave me chance to explain, so why should I let you?" You spat out.

He only realized how bad his situation was when it was too late.

You're right all along and he was stupid enough not to realize what was happening right before his eyes.

That incident in Paradis City, where he learned the corruption inside the capital, how they kept people as prisoners on their land. The military he was in, and the government he served kept a concentration zone for Eldian families, whom they considered as immigrants in their land.

You see, the Marley government succeeded in invading a small portion of Paradis Country. For those who were caught, the government released a mandate that separated family members who don't have Eldian blood from their Eldian families, like the one he witnessed in the camp when a Japanese mother was separated by force from her children and Eldian husband, and vice versa.

A month ago, he and his team were ordered to kill hundreds of people in the internment zone, soldiers like him were sent because there were several riots inside the camp, to the point it set the whole building on fire. They thought it was some act of terrorism. He was so ignorant not to notice that those people fought for their lives, he should have known that it wasn't terrorism from those people, they were fighting back only to defend their loved ones since the government sent an order to kill Eldians in the internment zone one by one. Those people were innocent and only discriminated against because of their bloodline and religion.

This week, Reiner also suspected that Mr. and Mrs. Galliard intentionally took Gabi as a recruit. Because no cadet in training would be accepted that easily in a year and sent to a mission. He speculated that they did this to get revenge on him.

That day, a realization hit him hard, as if he woke up from a deep and long dream, nightmares full of terror and death of his comrades, and full of nightmares without you.

Every night, Reiner has nightmares about the innocent people he killed, crying and pleading with him for their lives. But he can't defy a military order, especially from the higher-ups. He signed up for this, and he would pay the price afterward. Since those incidents, he always woke up in the middle of the night, panting and crying for no apparent reason, traumatized by everything that happened for the past few years.

'She was right, all along, she was telling the truth. Because, to put it simply, she cares.' He thought. He understands now how heavy this profession is, and you knew all about this because you belonged to a military family from generation to generation. You knew how it might take away everything from him. Your words haunt him, every night.

"No, what I mean is. Why are you approaching me? It's not normal." He was taken aback by your statement.

It's not normal to talk to your ex like nothing happened, especially if that said ex never wants to see you ever again.

"Not if it's you." You can't read what was in those eyes, his motive was still unclear to you.

10 years had passed since you two broke apart, and it's been 7 years since you last saw him. You could say that the both of you changed a lot, while you, of course, become thinner than usual, paler, and weaker as time passed by. He wonders why.

But at least, you got your degree right after college and now working as a writer for a well-known publishing company, not the marketing one that your parents urge you to.

While Reiner, throughout the years of battle and war, you've heard from your colleagues that he's a Vice Commander in the military, and of all the people, you know he deserved that spot the most.

"So, I've heard you are not feeling well. how have you been?" How did he know that you were sick? You thought. Maybe he heard it from their mutual friends from your hometown since you went home a lot more than usual for the past 10 years.

Unbeknown to your knowledge, that one afternoon in the barracks, Reiner had heard a conversation from a distance when one of their mutual comrades, Hitch, asked Annie Leonhardt through the phone, and on a freaking loudspeaker, why does she spaced out a lot these past few days and Annie answered that it's about your well-being. Annie had mentioned that you were rushed to the hospital the other day, Mikasa had informed her through calls because she's the one who brought you to the infirmary.

Annie also talked about how she applied for a 1-week leave since she's planning to visit you at the hospital. That's how important you are to Annie and Mikasa, they treated you as their sister.

'I already told you just now that I'm fine. Are you deaf or something?'

"I should be the one to ask you the same thing, how's life been treating you?" You reverted the topic about you and changed it. But Reiner doesn't fail to notice your body language and the typical-aversion-of-gaze that you're indeed, lying. You're far from okay.

"Things have been okay to me." He answered simply. Looking at the ground, ashamed to tell you the truth that it's been a living hell for him for the past 10 years, how his mission damaged his morals as a human, and how he became a murderer for killing hundreds, no, thousands of innocent people.

His oath was to defend the country and serve its people, but he realized that he was doing the opposite.

He was never a hero, and he will never be.

He was a monster sent by the Marleyan Government for genocide, like a programmed robot whose only purpose is to destroy all kinds of life. He hated himself and was ashamed of how monster he had become.

there's a dead silence that seems to surround the both of you. That eerie sound of desperation to have a normal conversation. As you sat in the park, you watched the kids play on the swings, how carefree they were like no amount of responsibilities was holding them down.

You both wished you could be a kid again.

Reiner wanted to ask what are you up to, and how was your family. Are you somewhat happy with how things are? But who was he to initiate a conversation? He's the one who ended it all.

You both are strangers to each other, but with history. He was long gone in your life, not even considering giving you a chance to explain yourself that night.

On the other hand, you're busy wondering where was the guy you've been scheduled to meet today. What's taking him so long? He should be here by now. You will kill him if he didn't save your ass here. You thought.

"I see. you still have that." He chuckled, seeing the wings tattoo on your wrist after all these years. You looked at him, then at your wrist.

"Of course, it's my first tattoo." You rolled your eyes at him, and immediately hid your wrist away from his curious eyes, grasping it away with your other hand.

Ah, he was talking about the tattoo you got on your 18th birthday.

Why did you still have that?

That's the question that you keep asking yourself.

"This doesn't mean other things." You tried to explain yourself.

He had removed his matching tattoo years ago, so what made his heart flutter now knowing that you keep yours all these years?

a single brand of ink but still brought back painful memories.

The ink seemed to fade for years but the memories didn't.

"(y/n)! I brought you some food." A guy shouted from a distance, waving his hands. Reiner noticed how your attention switched from him, then to the guy behind him. Seeing how your mood changed just from the mere presence of another person. You smiled at the guy behind him, forcing Reiner to glance back to see who the guy was.

Your smile was your greatest asset, the one that he loves the most, and you rarely do it now. But he's seeing it again.

The guy lifts his hands cheerfully from a distance, holding the paper bag full of food. This guy never failed to make you smile, he was a cheerful and honest guy, a great company, which sometimes, wants you to smack him in the head for being straight to the point, even if no one asked about things, he would say it right away.

You respected his dedication to his job, driven by his dreams and passion. His idealistic persona and calm demeanor outshine other people, his smiling face and urge to understand every situation made you choose him from the rest.

He makes a beeline step towards you, approaching you with a smile, his eyes study your composure, how uncomfortable you were due to the presence of someone you least expected.

When Reiner glanced back, the guy noticed who was causing your anxious demeanor.

"Hey, Reiner. Didn't expect you would be here." The guy said, smiling at the blonde muscular man who was sitting across from your seat. He laid down the paper bags and beverages on the table, sitting beside you.

"Marco." Reiner acknowledges. So, Marco Bott, a respected guy with a calm demeanor on the Rugby team, a guy with an excellent judge of character, was one of the juniors they interacted with during their senior years. He was one of the guys he trained for the rugby team, alongside, Connie Springer.

"I didn't think you two were dating." He had assumed, because from the look of it. You're comfortable being around him, even giving him a small smile despite your discomfort.

Is Reiner too late to pick things up from what he had left? where have words been left unsaid since that fateful night?

"ah, no, are you out of your mind? I'm just here to accompany her since Annie and Mikasa couldn't make it. Plus, I'm her assistant." He raised his professional nametag proudly, showing how he managed to earn his job and reputation as your successor in the industry.

"ah, sorry." He chuckled, relief that you're not seeing someone.

There was a lingering pang in his chest a moment ago, and he froze on his spot. Reiner thought he couldn't breathe for a second.

Marco had invited him to eat lunch with him and y/n since he brought food. Reiner had this urge to buy something, so he went to a nearby coffee shop and beverages shop to buy some Iced Coffee and Iced Tea from Starbucks from a nearby store, on his way back to the park, he saw a vending machine of sodas, took a Coca-Cola drink, and bottles of water.

He remembered how you used to buy a bottle of soda, like a lot whenever you both went to the grocery stores back then.

One time you got sick, and that same day, you had asked him to get you a soda drink, a Coca-Cola, and pizza as he made his way home from a guy's night out. This led you to call him names such as being a grade-A asshole because the moment he came back, he bought you juice instead of soda because last time he remembered when you drank soda while you're sick, your symptoms worsen.

He chuckled at the memory of you while walking down the streets.

When he returned, he placed the drinks on the table. Reiner handed you a soda, your favorite one.

"She can't drink that. It's bad for her health." Marco said when he saw Reiner handing the Cola drink in his hand to you.

All this money can't buy me a time machine, no

"what do you mean?" Reiner asked. It was your favorite drink throughout the years since high school up until you guys moved together. So why would it be bad for your health?

There's no way you couldn't drink that, you wouldn't dare to resist a soda since it's your favorite drink. Unless...

'Marco." You warned.

Can't replace you with a million rings,

"She's been diagnosed with chronic kidney disease," Marco added. This is the thing you hated about Marco, he was bringing up personal matters in the conversation. He could've said something else.

I should've told you what you meant to me

Reiner can't believe what he's hearing. Everything came crashing down to him, he froze from his spot, unable to find the right words to say. He's feeling...numb, angry, and... scared.

Scared for your life.

"how's her treatment so far?" He had bombarded Marco with questions because he'd answer all of them instead of you. The guy is honest, while, you're the type of person to be annoyed when people meddle with your matters, especially with your warning to Marco a while ago.

"It's none of your business, this is a personal matter." You added.

"Aside from that. There's no point." I'm already at my last stage.

'Cause now I pay the price

From what he experienced all these years, from the bombs that killed the enemy soldiers from foreign countries to the explosions that destroyed millions of worth of infrastructure and properties, he was never afraid of those, except for this moment, he had never felt this scared before.

Reiner likes to think that he's one of the strongest men alive, with no fear and conscience for all the things he did. That was no freaking way he could feel fear, even in front of his enemies on the battlefield. But he never felt fear like this before, the thought of you dying, that he'll outlive you, that hearing one day from your mutual friends that you passed away, gone from his life forever. He can't picture a life without you in this world.

He's a man in the frontline, he's the one who should be at risk for being dead.

Not you, god, not you.

He now knows what fear is, and that's the fear of losing you.

Reiner can't imagine a world without you, a lifetime without you.

He began to contemplate what he said in the past, that he never wanted to see your face ever again. Reiner didn't mean it, but it seems the gods were cruel enough to make those words paint back to life.

⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒

"why didn't you go with the treatment?" He chased after you, not wanting to hear him pestering you. It's funny how the table turned, back then you chased him a lot to confront him, but now he's doing the same damn thing.

The pavements of the side streets seem to carve your heavy footsteps as you watch him stop in his tracks. A while ago, you walked out, and he asked to walk with you, and of course, you declined.

What's that for? Ex doesn't do that.

Even with your refusal, he decided to follow you like a lost dog.

"What?" You deadpanned, looking at his towering figure.

"That's not for you to decide." You returned his words that night and he never failed to notice, even the small details.

"It is!! We were schoolmates, and... friends!! We had a lot of history together so of course I care about you!" He said in frustration.

"Former." You added.

"What the hell do you want from me, Reiner? You made it clear to stay as far away from you, and I did."

"You know I didn't mean it. All of it." Reiner held your wrist, not letting it go as he held it firmly in his grasp. His hazel eyes looked at yours back.

" but you still said it." You said.

"I'm sorry for everything that I've said to you, y/n. I'm sorry for walking away from you, I know what I did was unforgivable, just please, let me make it up to you."

"I don't need that. It's all in the past now."

"And what's the point of that freaking treatment? It doesn't change anything."

"What do you mean? Of course, there would be!" He convinced you, but he's more convincing himself from his tone.

"You think I'd refuse this easily to save my own life? You don't know how desperate I was before to just give it up now!"

"That's not what I mean—" Reiner reasoned out.

"You don't have the right to say that there would be, what happened to me for the past 10 years, No, you don't have a freaking idea what I'be been through before I refuse the treatments." You spat out.

"I'd lost my only parent who cares about me, my dad..." you added.

"Dad donated his kidney for me." You continued.

"After a year of that stupid kidney transplant, he got sick and died. Then what? My body had rejected what he gave to me."

"It's all for nothing... this doesn't make any sense."

"I'm tired from all of this." You revealed.

"Please, at least try.. there's still hope. I know there will be some changes if you just don't give up." Reiner pleaded.

" you don't get to tell me that, Reiner, you can't even help and save yourself!!" You shouted. You're trying to hold back your tears for so long, but it keeps coming out of your eyes.

"From who?" He asked.

"From you!!" You answered.

"I.... You're right." Reiner swallowed hard, struggling to find the right words to say. He was ashamed of how the years turned him into this kind of man, a shameless one, a hypocrite.

"You're right all along, it doesn't matter. All of it." He replied, Reiner said. He stared blankly at his hands, those hands that were tainted with shame, guilt, and everyone's blood.

"I became a monster, and..... our unit, I killed a lot of innocent people, including children. I'd never had a reputation and honor on this path to begin with. I should've listened to you. I should've chosen my dreams, I should've chosen us." Reiner cried out.

"I almost died once, from one of the missions, and the only thing that came to my mind at the moment was you. I'd never felt desperate to survive before, and till then, I realized how much time I wasted being far away from you. I shouldn't push you away."

"I'm so sorry for what happened to you, I'm so sorry that you lost your dad, and I wasn't there to comfort you, and I'm so sorry for everything that I've said to you that night. You don't deserve to live like this. You never deserve any of this!" he was blaming himself for everything, how he wished he could turn back time to spend time with you.

Time is a ticking bomb, and you're currently at the edge of it.

"You deserve to live a long life. Yours is different from mine, your life does matter. Just... go with the treatment, please...for me." Reiner held you, and you tried to get away from his grasp.

"You know life isn't fair." You answered.

"It isn't... but you deserve so much better," Reiner said.

"I wasted so much time on this, for us. I shouldn't pushed you away. If I wasn't an asshole back then, these times that have been wasted all these years should've been spent for us being together." Reiner said.

"What made you think that I still want that? What the hell, Reiner? You can't come back in here like everything's normal. What do you want?" You asked, frustration laced in your voice.

"I had this sudden urge to see you, okay?! That's.....why, y/n! I woke up from the bed and realized you weren't there, it's empty. Like, I woke up from this deep slumber and you weren't there..." He's like a man snapping back from a long-term amnesia, more like, a man waking up from a 10-year comatose.

Reiner wanted to apologize to you, to say sorry, for leaving you, for walking away from your life, that night. But he can't find the right words to say.

"Of all the times and places, why now? Why not then?" He made it clear that he doesn't want to see your face ever again, and that was enough for you to not fight for him anymore.

Because you're used to him being gone in your life for a long time.

It started with you staring at him from afar, away from his sight, until one day, you just...stopped. You continued to keep a distance from him Until it became your routine to avoid him in every gathering, and get-together.

"I heard from a conversation that you were rushed in the hospital, and...and I can feel it that there's something wrong," Reiner says, voice low as you urge him to speak his thoughts more.

"that doesn't concern you, we're not even friends, we're strangers!! Don't come crawling back at me when you feel empty inside." You became someone he used to know, and as long as he's gone too, it's as if, part of you were gone too, lost in the abyss.

"Yeah, you're right, i felt empty for years because you're gone!!" He snapped back in frustration.

"And I still love you!!" He confessed.

"And I'm so sorry for pushing you away." His voice was more desperate for you to hear him, to understand him like you used to.

"I'm so sorry, okay," he said.

"I should be the one who's apologizing, you know?" You added.

"I shouldn't bring up your mental health, especially if it's really hard for you to open up. I learned my lesson not to meddle with other's business and not to care... at all." You simply replied.

"But that's all in the past now, right?" You deadpanned, suddenly in control of the conversation, trying as much as possible to be strong enough to utter the words. But deep inside, you're trying your best to fight the tears in the corner of your eyes, threatening to run down your cheeks as the words start to slip away.

"This doesn't matter now, this, what you're doing, it doesn't make any sense!" You lashed out, trying to push him away as he pulled you in his strong arms.

He paused for a bit as if he was thinking of something that he wanted to say.

Reiner was building his courage to say the things he wanted to. He should've done this a long time ago, but he didn't. He was never brave, he was always a coward, and he would take accountability for the actions that he had done.

"I wanted to make things right, to make it up to you as much as possible." He looks into you, engraving the memory of you in his mind, your lips that used to kiss him at night, your eyes that drown him by just looking at it.

He switched his gaze from you to your soft hands, taking your hands in his, staring at how small your hands were compared to his big ones. He held it gently as if it would break if he didn't.

"I know you will push me away, but I'm still in love with you. and that's already enough reason for me to fight for you, for us. There are no days that you didn't come up in my mind."

"Just please, give me a chance. please, give us a second chance." he pleaded.

The pain always lingers here too, creeping back on you during sleepless nights, forever instilled in you. You thought that as long as he's gone from your sight, you're fine.

But no, you were wrong, the pain keeps coming back no matter how much you bury it in the deepest pit of your mind.

'Please say yes, please, just fucking say yes.'

"I don't know, Reiner. I'm not really sure about that." You hesitated.

"Isn't it too late for that?"

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angstbyangeline · 23 days

Text

Paloma Ajena

genre: angst

warnings: some gory descriptions and death

Annie Leonhart x fem!reader

Author’s Note: the reader speaks Spanish and lyrics from my favorite song (Paloma Ajena) is used too!

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

It was anxiety inducing moving into the cabins. Not wanting to be alone, you needed to make at least one friend and a friend group at most. Sadly, your bunk buddy was never interested in conversion, with anyone. You didn’t want to bother her but on the first night, you wanted to shoot your chance. You asked for her name and received a bitter reply.

Annie Leonhart.

You told her it was a pretty name and asked why she joined cadet training but was met with a sudden retort. She asked why you cared and why you were talking to her. You felt your ears go warm out of embarrassment. You stuttered, quickly explaining that you were just trying to make a friend and you were sorry to bother her.

Since then you only said the usual greetings to Annie to remain friendly. After a couple weeks you wanted to try again since you gained some confidence as you made other recent acquaintances. And this time, Annie gave you a real reply. It wasn’t that genuine or detailed but it was a great improvement from day one.

After that, Annie usually gave vague replies but actively listened when you were talking. She mentioned not being from anywhere nearby but never specifically said where from. That was until you expressed interest in her clothing attire. You’ve never seen a piece of clothing like the white closed sweater with a hood she would wear daily. Before Annie gave a clear reply of what the sweater thing was, she lowered her voice and instructed you that you aren’t to tell anyone what she was about to say. You nodded excitedly, crossed your heart and leaned in closer for her to answer. She whispered that it was called a hoodie and she got it from outside the wall. In a shushed voice, you asked if she was from outside the wall to which she nodded. Your eyes widened in shock but gestured your hands zipping your lips. Informing her that her secret is safe with you.

Annie found your first language fascinating, never directly praising it but asked you to translate phrases out of curiosity. Knowing her interest, you decided to give her a nickname. A name only you would know the meaning of and only you could use for her.

Palomita.

You told her it meant “(little) dove” and explained that it was perfect for her because she was as pale and beautiful as a dove. When Annie heard the translation and meaning, she thought it was the corniest thing ever. Deep down, she loved the name. It always brought an invisible smile to her cold expression.

Annie usually sat alone during meal times, you’d join her at the start of the meal but never stay as she’d tell you that she preferred being alone. You’d tell her to come over if she ever needed company. Annie found this incredibly annoying at first but grew to appreciate it. An annoyed expression always painted on her face regardless of how she felt on the inside.

It then became routine that you sat with your closest friends: Sasha, Marco, Connie and Jean. Sasha technically recruited you into the group when she found out you spoke a completely different language from everyone else. Speaking a different language in a space as small as your town and the walls was captivating. It made you somewhat popular.

You were closest to Marco Bolt though. Both being insanely smart but different regions. Marco wanted to go off into the Military Police while you wanted to join the Survey Corps. Marco was more book smart and you were more combat smart.

Within a couple of months, you had also become friends with some of the people that dropped out of cadet training to farm crops. You listened to their stories and reasons for dropping out of training, which you understood. On the rare free days of training, your farmer friends would teach you how to make baskets and bracelets out of the dry straws from their wheats. Once you got the hang of it, you ended up making a bracelet for yourself and Annie.

For what seemed to be the first time, Annie actually smiled and thanked you. The smile was subtle but you knew it was there. You have studied her cold face since you first met and can detect any change. When you saw her smile, you realized something else.

You had feelings for her.

You knew that Annie wasn’t one for romantic relationships in the slightest but even deeper you knew that she would never date you.

You ended up spilling this secret to Sasha. You both were feeling a little more hungry than usual and impulsive. Sasha helped herself to some stale bread found in the bottom of the pantry. She offered you the smaller “half” of one of the loafs which you ate, cautiously. You found a small bottle of wine. You’ve never drank before and you thought it would be fun to do it with a friend for the first time. You turned to Sasha to show what you found and motioned that you two should leave now.

You both went far into the woods and drank the entire thing. Most of the bottle was drunk by you as you thought you deserved more because you were the one to find it. You and Sasha were pretty buzzed when the bottle was finished. Your slurred words told Sasha in great detail about your feelings for Annie. Sasha only semi listened and thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world. You had to physically cover her mouth due to her laughing so loud. The last thing you needed was getting caught. Sasha encouraged you to confess your feelings to Annie but even in your drunken state, you knew that Annie wouldn’t reciprocate.

Unfortunately, Connie overheard Sasha telling Jean about your secret. It didn’t take long for the word to spread and get to Annie, thanks to Connie’s loud mouth. When you discovered that Annie knew about your feelings for her, you wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Humiliation followed you that entire day.

That night you went to bed early, skipping dinner and avoiding your nightly conversion with her. You weren’t hungry, the embarrassment took your appetite away. She noticed you weren’t in the mess hall for dinner. So she grabbed you a loaf of bread and made her way to the cabin. Knowing she’d find you there, where else could you be?

Annie peeked over to your bed and saw your figure facing the wall.

“Y/n, I know you’re awake.” her cold tone called out.

You breath hitched, you didn’t have any willpower to face her. What would you even say? What could you say that would save the friendship?

She shook you lightly and said, “I know you’re awake,” she took a small breath in before she continued, “and I know how you feel about me.”

There was a deafening silence after her statement. You didn’t know whether to cry, stay still or turn around. You didn’t get to weigh your options before she spoke again.

“I don’t reciprocate your feelings.”

It was obvious but your chest ached actually hearing her say it. In a low, raspy tone, you whispered,

“I know.”

Annie didn’t say anything, only left the bread on your bed and walked out. When you heard the door shut, your pillow was flooded in tears and silent cries.

Training wasn’t the same after that. You said your occasional greetings but never visited Annie during meal times or started your nightly conversions. Now, it was Annie asking you about your days and you giving vague answers. She never urged you to talk more or pride you with more questions but she always started the conversions.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The Battle of Trost was your first fight. You and Marco decided to stick with each other. It definitely fucked with you mentally. Eren got eaten then Armin began to dissociate, many cadets ran out of gas then a muscular titan was spotted fighting all the pure titans around it. Only to find out that this fighting titan was in fact Eren. All the cadets were ordered to kill all the pure titans in Eren’s way as he tried to seal the hole that created hell in the first place.

After the order was given, you and Marco separated to carry out the mission. You were about to kill a larger titan but it was able to move at a fast pace. It saw you coming towards the nape of its neck and managed to stop you mid air by your leg. The hold it had on your leg was crushing, it broke your leg and destroyed the blades you were carrying. You dig one of the blades you had on hand between the titan’s thumb and index finger. It tightened its grip on you for a second then immediately let you fall. You used your ODM gear before you hit the ground but you knew you couldn’t fight anymore. You needed to find help.

Immediately zipping to find an area with no visible signs of pure titans to quickly form some kind of plan. On your airy trip, you saw Reiner and Bertholdt on one of the roofs staring at what remained of the tarnished town. You landed on the edge of the roof behind them, which was an unpleasant land due to your broken leg. Taking a second to clutch your knee in pain, you surveyed the area for any shelter in case you couldn’t make it to the tower.

Marco landed right next to you after he caught a glimpse of you not even within 30 seconds of you landing there first. He saw the condition your leg was in and gave you a concerned look before turning to the pair in front for more assistance. Just then, he stopped in his tracks as he overheard what they were talking about.

“Reiner…? Bertholdt…? Sorry but what were you talking about?” Marco questions. He tried to mask his nervousness.

You turn to see a terrified expression painted on Reiner or Bertholdt’s face. Their eyes widely staring at Marco then at you, thinking you also heard their conversion. You didn’t though, you were too busy wrapped up in pain and looking for a shelter to notice that they had been talking.

“Hmm? What did they say?” You winced loosely. The throbbing pain of your leg made it impossible for you to speak clearly or sit comfortably.

“You’re going to step in with your titan?” Marco asked for confirmation.

“What?!” You practically yell.

“And Bertholdt you said you made that hole? What is this? ”

Reiner and Bertholdt’s faces said it all. All the confirmation you needed to know that it was true.

“Ah, Marco and Y/n… everything you just heard was a joke.” You even doubted Reiner believed his own lie. His expression didn’t help his case.

“Que putos? Don’t say shit like that again. Puto ridiculo.” You spat, disgusted that he would make a joke like that.

“Have you guys lost it?! This isn’t like you! Focus on the mission. Look there are more titans coming! Let’s go!” Marco orders.

He grabs you by your abdomen and zips away. He lost trust in the pair to be of aid to your injury. The joke seemed too real to let go.

“What is up with them? Nothing from that interaction felt right.” You informed Marco.

“Something is up with them but right now I need to get you somewhere safe.”

Marco noticed you slipping from his grasp so he settled on a building to adjust. Before your feet touch the ground, someone from behind pushed you and Marco into a smaller roof that was right to you guys. You crashed onto the roof with Marco slammed on top of you. You let out a horrific, painful scream but was cut off by a huge hand covering your mouth. Tears of pain and anxiety poured out from your eyes, down your face and onto the hand that was on your mouth. You didn’t have to turn around and not like you could, to know who it was.

“Reiner!” Bertholdt calls out.

I knew it, you thought defeatedly.

Reiner quickly lets go of your face to take a hold on Marco. He didn’t have to pin you down as Marco’s weight was already doing the job and your broken leg left you almost immobile.

“Reiner, what are you doing?!” Marco asked desperately.

Marco let out small yelps in pain while you sobbed uncontrollably. You weren’t sure what they would do but it couldn’t be good.

“It hurts! Please stop! We aren’t going to tell anyone!” You screamed in agony.

You obviously were lying as something like this couldn’t be brushed over. But in this frightening moment, you’d say anything to avoid whatever Renier was planning to do.

“I wish I could. Problem is that you’re too damn sharp for that to fool you two.” Reiner explains.

You try to squirm your way out from under Marco but your broken leg made it impossible to do it. Marco tried to scream for help but Reiner covered his mouth immediately.

Just as you were about to try to reason with Reiner once more, Annie appeared. She was breathing heavily while looking with terrified eyes at the scene in front of her.

“Annie! Help us! Reiner has gone fucking insane!”

“Annie, you gotta help me!”

It was almost incomprehensible what you and Marco were saying. You both begged in hopes that Annie would save you two.

“...What’s going on here?” Annie, horrified, questioned.

“Reiner’s acting crazy! Get him off me!” Marco begged.

At this point the adrenaline had numbed the pain slightly to help you get your arms out from under. You tried to crawl out but it was useless as some of Reiner’s weight was on your legs.

“They heard me and Bertholdt talking. If we let them live, they’ll expose us.”

You briefly stopped moving and sobbing. Hearing that a fellow comrade saying that you needed to be killed was stomach turning. Then you began to remember all the things you haven’t done yet. Things you will never get to do. Your body and mind almost went numb. If Annie agreed with Reiner’s statement, there is no chance that you and Marco will make it out alive.

“You shouldn’t.. What the hell…” Annie muttered.

You just stared at Annie with empty, plending eyes. Will she actually help us?

Just then everyone felt the footsteps of a pure titan coming nearby.

“A titan! It’s coming this way!” Bertholdt shouted.

Reiner grabs Marco from behind by his shoulders and orders, “Annie, take off Marco’s ODM gear! Y/n’s too!”

It seemed in an instant, your body and mind regained feeling and emotion. Sadly, that emotion was horror and hopelessness.

“No! Stop! Annie, don't do it!” You scream. You felt like fainting from the amount of fear rushing through your body.

“Do it now!” Reiner demands.

“Wait, why should I have to?!”

“Back there, you risked your life to save Connie. I saw you. Why’d you put yourself in danger for him? Seems to me you became sympathetic towards the enemy. You wanna convince me I’m wrong? Now is the time to do it! Think of your father, he’s waiting for you to come home…”

You didn’t bother to listen to Reiner’s little speech anymore. You needed to get help. Using your arms, you tried to pull yourself from under Marco.

As you struggled and thrashed, Annie bent down and rapidly began to unbuckle Marco’s gear.

Your eyes widened and you began to scream uncontrollably to catch the attention of literally anyone.

“HELP! ANYON-”

Just then, you immediately black out. Reiner had given you a sharp hit to the back of your head so hard that it slammed onto the roof once more. The hit definitely had to have killed you before the titan had the chance to spot you.

Annie ripped Marco’s gear off and threw it into the window beside them. Annie didn’t need to take your gear off, you were practically dead. Before she followed the other warriors, she ripped off your bracelet.

The trio had flown to another roof a bit further from where they were before. They watched the scene unfold and, by God, was it spine chilling.

The pure titan grabbed Marco and quickly held it up to its mouth. It slowly took a bit of half of his face and shoulder. Then it dropped Marco from its hand and went to grab you next.

You remained unconscious up until it had lifted you up from the roof. It had grabbed you by the legs which left you hanging upside down. You screamed at an unimaginable level. Annie’s heart cracked and ached more with each scream created by your, probably damaged, vocal cords.

In a sinister manner, the titan lowers you into its mouth. Once you realized you were directly above its mouth, you knew that there was no way of surviving.

Vas a sufrir, vas a llorar cuando te acuerdes.

In your final moments, you saw the warriors and hoped that they would cry and suffer when they remembered what they did to you and Marco.

Paloma ajena, te creí buena.

You couldn’t believe Annie would do this, never would’ve thought that she would leave you for dead.

Ahora te marchas y me dejas con mi pena.

They ran away from a situation they created and now are watching as you screech in anguish.

And without a second to spare, the titan shoved you into its mouth. It swallowed you within seconds. Making you practically a snack.

As Annie watched you get eaten, she thought about another secret. One she hid from every soul she encountered. One kept from the warriors as well.

Annie, did in fact, love you.

She never wanted you to know and now, you never will. Marley would’ve had her publicly hanged if they found out she was in love with you, an island devil.

Her country is very dear to her, sadly, dearer than you.

Annie falls to her knees, in guilt and despair. Her hands covered her sobbing face, she no longer wanted to see the consequence to her actions. Her guilt will forever eat her alive at every waking moment.

Annie will never forgive herself for killing the only devil she loved more than anything.

#annie leonhart #annie leanhart x reader #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan #aot x reader #annie aot #annie leanhart AOT #annie leonhardt #annie leanohart oneshot #attack on titan angst

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kensingtonbae · 18 days

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Good *whatever time zone you’re from*

Just posted chapter 2 (or 3?) of ribs. Very heavy and graphic chapter, hope you’ll like it❣️

#armin arlert #aruani #aot #attack on titan #snk #annie leonhart #shinjeki no kyojin #aruani fanfic #aruani fic #angst

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brave-and-gentle · 2 months

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Got Covid for the first time, so I wrote a shit ton and published the first chapter of my new fic about my favs (it’s Jeanxreader, who could’ve guessed??).

Now read it or else 😌🔪

Forewarning - if you are ride or die Jeankasa to the ends of the earth, this is not for you, plsss do not come after me 🕯️🕯️🙏🏻🙏🏻 and I swear Jean and Mikasa are on good terms but it’s not pretty…RAFO.

Summary:

On the eve of his 29th birthday, Jean Kirstein never thought he’d be a divorced, single dad all before 30. All his friends are either happily coupled up, or in Connie's case, aggressively single. Jean believes that he missed his one shot at happiness, and decides to be content with his work, friends, and son, Mason.

Until he meets you.

You're also fresh off a divorce, deciding to move from Liberio to Trost for a fresh start. It breaks your heart to leave your long-time friends, but you don't want anymore reminders of him. All you want is a quiet, new life - working at the local library and making new friends.

Until you meet Jean.

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turtleducks-08 · 3 months

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Aot post cannon:

Armin and Annie start sleeping together (not in a sex way!) for comfort as they both fear being alone.

This starts before they are even dating, and builds the foundation of their relationship finding comfort in eachothers heartbeats.

Cause I love angst, obviously this won’t last forever and around 14 years post rumbling there is a car accident, leaving Annie in a bad state. Armin decides to take her off life support, not wanting to leave her stuck in her own mind again knowing the pain it caused her the Gus time.

He lays there with her, head on her chest listening to her heart for the last time as it slowly comes to a stop before kissing her forehead and closing her eyes, turning her back into the sleeping beauty he fell in love with, the thing that brought them together finally separating them.

Until death do us part

#annie leonhart #aruani #attack on titan #aot warriors #aot #armin arlert #angst #sorry this is a bit sad #hope u enjoyed it though

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nightfall-kachiniko · 2 years

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AOT girls (+hange) with s/o who has an ED

tw: ed talk of eating disorders, anorexic reader, body dysmorphia, various eating disorders, vomit, blood, descriptive mentions of suffering with an ed.

cw: mikasa, annie, pieck, hange, hitch, sasha, ymir, historia, gn!anorexic!reader

a/n: writing this bc of relapse, thought if I needed it someone else out there needed some comfort too. Youre not alone.

𓏲·˚ ͙ mikasa

- the worst part of your day was always looking at yourself in the mirror, you’re eyes never failing to be filled with glimpse of hatred and disappointment. Its all you could ever do. No matter how fast you walked past your mirror, or how quickly your eyes glanced over at the little scale beneath your sink, you always had to give in. Food became numbers and no longer names. An apple renamed as ‘90’or 15 grapes being referred to as ‘50’. That voice ringing in the back of your head as you picked at your skin in your reflection. Little words beginning to spill out from the back of your mind and to your subconscious. It was never enough. No matter how far the numbers went down on the scale, all you could see was a blur in your mirror. That’s all you ever were.

- “you look beautiful,” a voice behind you softly said as you jumped, looking at your girlfriends reflection in the mirror, startling you. “Ah.. shit..” you muttered, “you scared me,” you chuckled out. She unfolded her arms as she came up behind you. Her hands wrapped comfortingly around your waist, as she buried her head into the back crook of your neck, placing a small kiss on your skin. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,” she spoke gently. The embarrassing feeling washed over you as you let out a small scoff, you’re eyes avoiding hers in the mirror. “You tear yourself to pieces, baby..just because you don’t like one little thing about you.” You could feel her orbs looking at yours as you looked to the opposite side. “You are so perfect y/n.” She said. “I just.. I don’t feel it..” you whispered, your eyes looking back at your body in the mirror. Disgust and disappointment in them. Mikasa softly kissed your skin, her arms tightening around you. “I have loved you since the day I met you.” She confessed. “All of you.” A soft smile appeared on your face, as you finally met her eyes. “I see the way you look at yourself.” You felt your girlfriends soft breath on your neck. “Your face filled with total disappointment and hatred.” She placed another kiss on your skin. “But to me, you’re perfect.” You sighed, looking down at the sink, inhaling and exhaling a deep, shaky breath. “You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” That feeling washed over you again. The one that is so indescribable it doesn’t have a word for it. “I wish you could see that.” Mikasa brought her hand up to your face, cupping it gently as you made you face her. You turned your body away from the mirror and to her eyes, inches away from her lips. “I love you, more than anything I can describe.” She kissed your cheek, “and no matter what you think of yourself, the way I have always seen you is so different from what you think.”

“You’re loved, y/n.”

𓏲·˚ ͙ annie

- your girlfriend placed a plate in front of you as you looked up at her, your face confused. “You’re eating.” The woman spoke, “that’s final.” You felt your chest drop as the words escaped her mouth. A feeling of anxiety coming over you as you looked back at the plate in front of you. “I..” you managed to get out, “I’m not-”

“Hungry?” Annie asked, “yes you are.” There was a pit in your stomach, but not the one from not eating. The one filled with fear, guilt. “I’ve heard that lame ass excuses too many damn times to count.” She said, “and if I have to sit here and spoon feed you like a child then I will,” Your leg shook as you fidgeted in anxiety. A shaky breath exhaled from your lips. “Im not gonna sit here and let you do this to yourself.” Annie’s words softened up from what she previously spoke. You locked eyes with her, the voice in the back of your head ringing like a fly next to your ear. ‘Is it really worth it?’ It said. “Annie, I can’t.” You spilled out. “Yes you can and you are,” your girlfriend said more sternly. “All it is is just more calories to burn,” you tried to explain. “Calories?” She scoffed, “you’re so fixated on calories that that’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you look at this.” You sighed. “Not even that its youre favorite food? Or that it’s what you had on our first date?” You looked back at the plate as you realized that what Annie said was true. Your mind just went straight to calories, nothing more than just calories. “Anne.. I’m sorry I didn’t even realize..” you said, guilt in your voice. “This whole ‘fitness’ thing,” she shook her head, “isn’t even fitness if all you’re doing is hurting yourself.” Her eyes laid on you like stone. “You..” she inhaled, trying to hold herself back. “You are gonna keep doing this until you finally kill yourself.” Those words. They couldn’t be true, no no this helps you this doesn’t hurt you. What’s with a little bit of hunger for something you’ve wanted to years? “I am not going to kill myself!” You pushed your chair back from the table as you stood up, exclaiming. “I am finally losing weight! This is helping me!” The woman stood up too, “This is killing you y/n how do you not realize it!” She yelled back. “I don’t know if you care or not but there are people that love and care about you.” Annie’s breath shook as her emotion changed from anger to a sadness. “I love you, and I can’t stand to see you do this to yourself.” She explained, as tears piled up in her eyes. “I don’t want you to die.” Her words echoed through your head as you felt a glimpse of guilt. “Annie. Im not going to die.” You whispered. She hugged you as you felt her body slightly shake. “Please y/n.. I can’t lose you.”

𓏲·˚ ͙ peick

- “honey? Are you going to eat?” Your eyes glanced up from your plate to your wife, seeing concern in her eyes. Your heart pounded with a gutting feeling as you replied with a “I’m just not hungry..” you said, starring back at the plate in front of you. You felt a hand touch yours as pieck held your hand from across the table. “Baby is there something you wanna tell me?” She asked, gently. You sat there and just sighed, wanting to sink deep into your seat and hopefully into a hole in the floor. “No I’m fine pieck.” You stated a bit more firmly as you sipped your water.

- Your wife admired your face as she studied all of its details. From your sunken in eyes to your cracked lips, your pale clammy face to the slight tremble you shook. She had just recently picked up on your habits and started to study you closely-watching from afar. But pieck couldn’t take it, she couldn’t bear to continue to watch you do this to yourself. “I know there’s something going on y/n..” she gently said, breaking the silence in the air. “and i wanna help you..” Your eyes avoided pieck’s as you looked to your plate. “I know you’re hurting yourself.. and I can’t stand here and let you hurt like this..” she said. “Y/n look at me..” you felt guilt pile up like a weight on ur back, the heavy hurt you wanted to tell, the silent words that screamed in your mind yet never came out. You finally lifted your eyes to meet hers, seeing the hesitance and plead in her orbs “I’m here, I’m right here.” She stated, giving out a small smile. And you knew she was.

𓏲·˚ ͙ hange

- The fullness. All you craved. All you ate. Its all you felt. All you regret. And now staring down into the pool of vomit in the toilet that laid in front of you, your body shaking as you tell yourself ‘one more time, just throw up one more time’ as the world became blurry in your vision. You told yourself last time was the last time you’d ever binge, yet here you are again, telling yourself the same lie. You couldn’t tell if the reason why tears streamed down your cheeks was because of the pounding fist you forced to the back of your throat, or the crippling sadness you felt lying inside your chest. It was like poking a sleeping bear, food was. Telling yourself that today would be the day you finally get back on track, where you actually stop the cycle of sleep, starve, binge. Though the second your mind wondered a bit too far, or your tongue missed the flavour of that longing food you resisted yourself from having all week , it was like yelling at the bear to wake up and devour you. And yes, the bear did. The impulsive second as you would grab whatever you could, whatever you wanted, whatever you deprived yourself of having, and eating it like it was your last meal on earth. Not caring if you hadn’t lost ten pounds, not caring if you had gained five. And in those seconds, in those moments where it all poured down your throat, you felt nothing. Not a single thing, just a relief. Thats until you walked past your reflection, or felt your stomach bulge in fullness. Feeling like a glutton, starring at empty wrappers and dirty dishes. Wondering to yourself, why did i do that, why did i do it again. No one got it. No one understood what your night time snacking really was. Your partner, Hange, glad that at least you did eat something today. But its not what you wanted. The feeling of fullness, a sin to you. So no one would notice when you turned the sink on to use the bathroom after eating. Why you’d barricade yourself inside those four walls, shoving your hand down your throat in an attempt to get rid of the mess you made. And even as your teeth start to brittle, or your knuckles start to break, all you wanted was to escape.

-And finally throwing up that last chunk of whatever you let yourself consume, you threw yourself back at wall, gasping for air as blood mixed with stomach acid and spit ran down both your fist and your mouth. “Y/n..” a soft knock was heard at the door as your eyes widened and body tensed, throwing yourself at the puke filled toilet to flush it. The door opened as your eyes laid in shock and fear, your partners eyes laying on you sitting on the floor, arm flushing the toilet. You quickly wiped your mouth, just to realize all you did was spread the vomited blood and spit more. Hange’s eyes filled with shock and terror as hers matched your own. You braced yourself with fear hidden deep within you, only to be met by a strong firm hug. Hange pressed you, covered in blood, spit, and vomit up close to her. Her hand stroked your hair as your eyes glistened with tears of sadness and relief. You were finally seen. You felt tears of her own stream down and drip onto you. “I’m.. im so sorry..” Your voice shook as well as your trembling body. “shh..” the brunette softly shushed you, giving you a kiss on the side of your head. “You don’t have to speak honey, I see you..”

𓏲·˚ ͙ hitch

- “Wow y/n! Going back for another run?” Your girlfriend looked at you as you headed out the door, your gym clothes on. “yep!” You said, “I still have 5,000 steps ‘till i reach my goal!” Hitch scoffed before saying, “Thats a bit intense, don’t you think?” She looked at you with one of her ‘hitch’ looks, a look where you just know what shes saying with her expression. “I mean.. three hour long runs in the same day..? Are you alright y/n?” You shrugged off her remark before saying “Yeah, just gotta burn off desert from yesterday, you know I had too much cake.” Hitch blew her hair out of her face with a sigh, “alright..” she rung out, “just dont over do it.” You smiled softly before heading out the door.

-“Is that all you’re having?” Marlo asked you, starring at the protein shake in your hand. “Yeah?” You questioned, “Why?” The conversation got Hitch’s attention, looking at you from the glasses she was pouring . “No way Y/n, go get some of the dinner I made.” You hesitated, quickly coming up with an excuse. “I’m on a liquid diet.” You said in response. Hitch’s eyes flicked over at you, concern in her eyes. Everyone continued talking, sharing stories from when you were all in the survey corps in you and hitch’s living room. The small get together was suppose to be a nice catch up event before your girlfriend somehow made it into a drinking party. The woman put down the champagne bottle and starred at you, quickly looking around the room before walking past you, nudging you to follow her. You did so, following her into your guy’s bedroom. She closed the door after you, motioning for you to sit down on te bed. “Y/n, whats been going on with you?” She said worried. “What?” You quickly shook off her concern before saying, “I’m fine-“ “No,” Your girlfriend resisted, “You’re not.” She sat down next to you, her hand placing over yours. “This whole.. fitness.. thing…this is more than just wanting to be healthy babe.” She explained, hitch careful with her words. You felt your heart sink, had it really been that obvious? You questioned yourself. “I- uh- i just want to better myself.” You stuttered until you came up with the right excuse. “Is this about losing weight?” She asked, her face more soft and monotoned. “No hitch its not.” You quickly brushed her off, standing up. “I’m fine, you’re over reacting-“ She scoffed hearing you dismissing her. “No I’m not Y/n, if anything this is seriously affecting you,” you felt irritated as you couldn’t stand hearing anymore of her worrying. “See! You get so easily mad at me because you’re not eating!” You honestly just wanted this conversation to be over. “So what if i want to lose a few pounds, thats my business not yours!” She shook her head in disbelief, “see, i told you its about losing weight! And all your doing by over exercising and not eating is damaging your body.” Hitch said, “I don’t want to see you like this, going through this.” Your girlfriend sighed, “I don’t want you thinking that you’re alone.” Your girlfriend placed her palm on the side of your face, “because y/n, you’re not.. i understand what you’re going through.. okay?” You practically melted into her touch, a feeling of relief coming over you as you did so. “I just don’t want you to think you’re alone baby.. because your not..” You saw the concern and love deepen in her eyes, as you realized all she cared about in that moment was being by your side. “I get it babe, I’ve been through it, it takes one to know one.” She scoffed a small laugh. “Hitch..” you softly whispered. “I love you okay? You’re my partner. I’ll always be by your side..” She said as she pecked a small kiss on the side of your cheek.

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