#Anne and her gay panics

[cringeisdeadandsoami]

did any other women enjoyers see the season 2 first look pics, see this:

and go directly into gay panic before making it their phone background or just me?

[redroomreflections]

With The Roses - Her Best Secret 2

1950s Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: Natasha and R are having an affair. - they get to spend a night together

Note: I wrote this after watching Mother's Instinct with Anne Hathway and Jessica Chastain. I needed to make it gay. I don't know what this is truly but it's here.

Warnings: Smut and fluff and angst - there's a bit of panic =)

w/c: 7k

The sun was high, and the air was humid as you walked down the street toward your neighbor's house. Claire was having a girl's day with your mother, and Sam and Steve were away on one of their fishing trips. The house felt too big and quiet, so your feet naturally led you to Natasha’s. The sight that greeted you stopped you in your tracks. There she was, Natasha Romanoff, tending to her rose garden in the front yard, utterly absorbed in her work. She was sporting a crisp white blouse tucked into her black slacks. A sun visor perched on her head as she leaned down to inspect a blooming rose. She snipped away at the stems with small pruning shears.

You didn't call out to her immediately, enjoying the rare moment of seeing her so at peace. Her hair was tied back into a neat bun, with a few loose strands sticking to the nape of her neck with sweat. She hummed softly, a tune you couldn't quite place, as she moved to the next bush.

"Staring's rude, you know," She finally said, without even turning around.

"Well, I'm just enjoying the view," You said without thinking. Natasha smirked, though you couldn't see her face. "The roses are beautiful."

Natasha straightened up, turning to face you with an amused expression. Her cheeks were flushed, likely from the heat, and a faint sheen of sweat was on her brow. Even in the humid air, she looked as effortlessly composed as ever.

“They are,” she agreed, arching an eyebrow. “Though I have a feeling that’s not all you were looking at.”

You felt your face heat up, and you tried to play it off with a laugh. “Guilty as charged. But really, the roses are stunning.”

She smirked, her green eyes sparkling in the sunlight. “Nice save.”

You stepped closer, leaning slightly against her yard's white picket fence. “You’ve got quite the green thumb, huh? I don’t know how you keep them alive in this heat.”

Natasha shrugged, slipping off her gloves and tossing them into her wicker basket. “Patience. A little care goes a long way.” Her gaze flicked over to you. “Kind of like friendships.”

You tilted your head, smiling softly. “Is that your subtle way of telling me I don’t visit enough?”

She chuckled, pulling the sun visor off her head and running a hand over her hair. “Maybe. But you’re here now, and I’ll take what I can get.”

“Well, I was feeling lonely,” you admitted, looking down at your feet for a moment before glancing back up at her. “Claire’s with my mother today. They've gone down to do a little shopping and to get tea."

Natasha’s expression softened. She gestured toward her house with a nod of her head. “Come on inside. I just made some lemonade. The perfect excuse to take a break from this heat.”

She turned and headed toward the front porch. You followed behind her, admiring the way her slacks hugged her shapely legs and backside. Your mind drifted to the first time you had seen her in her pants. You had been unable to stop your eyes from trailing over her body, her curves barely contained by her tight clothes. Natasha was a modern woman. She was everything you wished you could be. Not too long ago, you couldn't tell whether you wanted to be with her or be her.

In the kitchen, Natasha handed you a glass of lemonade, the ice clinking as it settled. You murmured a quiet “thanks” before taking a sip. The tartness was perfectly balanced with sweetness, and it helped you cool down. Natasha leaned against the counter, her gaze casually following yours as you scanned the room.

It was quiet there too. Your attention snagged on the stack of books on the table. The covers were worn, and the spines creased from countless reads. Titles like East of Eden by John Steinbeck, Peyton Place by Grace Metalious, and The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger caught your eye.

“You read a lot,” you said, gesturing toward the books as you set your glass on a coaster.

Natasha followed your gaze and smiled. “Guilty as charged. It’s how I unwind.”

You picked up East of Eden, running your fingers over the aged cover. “These are good choices. Heavy, but good.”

“I like a story that makes me think,” she said, tilting her head slightly. “But I also like a little drama. Something juicy enough to make me forget about the world for a while.”

“Peyton Place fits that bill,” you quipped, flipping through its pages.

Natasha chuckled, her voice warm and rich. “It does. Small-town secrets and scandal? What’s not to love?”

You glanced up, catching her watching you with a soft smile. Her red hair was coming loose from the bun, a few strands framing her face. Her tight white blouse clung to her form, and you could not resist letting your gaze linger for a moment longer than it should.

Natasha noticed—of course, she saw—but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she walked over, brushing past you to pick up another book from the pile. Her perfume lingered, a mix of roses and something earthy, grounding.

“You should borrow one,” she offered, holding the book out to you. “Unless you’re more of a magazine person.”

You smirked, taking the book from her hands. “I think I can handle a real novel, thank you very much.”

Natasha held up her hands in surrender, chuckling. "Alright, I’ll behave."

You glanced at the book she’d handed you, The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway. Your fingers traced the embossed title on the cover, appreciating the texture of the paper.

"What a striking title," you murmured. "You do have an eye for fine books, Nat."

She smiled, her green eyes sparkling. "It’s a favorite of mine. You’d enjoy it, I think."

"How’s little Claire-bear?" Natasha asked, shifting the conversation with ease.

"She’s quite the spitfire," you replied, unable to hold back a smile. "Though she’s been picking up words, I’d rather she didn’t. I told her I’d wash her mouth with soap if she tried them again."

Natasha chuckled, her laugh as soft as the breeze. "Children do have a way of testing boundaries. I imagine Sam isn’t much help with discipline."

You rolled your eyes, though your tone was fond. "He’s utterly hopeless. She’s got him wrapped around her little finger. ‘Daddy’s Little Girl’ and all that."

"Well," Natasha said, raising a brow, "it sounds like you’ve your hands full."

You hesitated, tracing the condensation on your lemonade glass. "I’ve been glancing at the classifieds lately," you admitted your voice a touch hesitant.

Natasha leaned forward slightly. "Oh? Are you considering a position somewhere?"

"Yes, though Sam doesn’t see the point. He keeps saying we’re managing fine, but it’s not about the money. I just... I feel as though I need something of my own."

Natasha frowned, her lips pressing together briefly. "And what’s his argument, exactly?"

You sighed. "It’s still the 1950s, Nat. No matter how modern things are becoming, people expect women to keep the house running while their husbands provide. It’s not as though I don’t understand it—it’s just..."

"It’s just not what you want," Natasha finished for you gently.

You nodded, the tension easing slightly under her understanding gaze.

"You deserve more," Natasha said firmly. "If there’s one thing I know, it’s that a woman who follows her heart is never truly out of step with the times."

You chuckled, her words both comforting and inspiring. "Thanks, Nat. You always know what to say."

"Anytime," she replied with a warm smile. "If Sam needs a nudge in the right direction, just say the word."

"Do I seem ungrateful?" You questioned. "Sam provides well; he is good to me, and I have everything a woman could ask for."

"Except the right to choose for yourself," Natasha remarked.

"Yes," you sighed. "I can't explain it, but something is missing. Like a piece of myself that I've yet to find."

Natasha hummed, her eyes scanning over your features. You held her gaze for a moment before shifting the conversation.

"You know," you began, tilting your head, "you never talk about you and Steve."

Natasha’s brows lifted slightly, caught off guard by your remark. She recovered quickly, though, leaning back in her chair with a shrug. "There’s not much to say."

"Nat," you said pointedly, giving her a look. "That’s not true, and you know it. You’re always checking in on me, listening to my endless rants, offering advice, but you never let me return the favor."

Natasha’s lips curved into a faint smile, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. "I don’t mean to keep things from you. It’s just complicated."

"That’s not an excuse," you countered gently. "You’re my friend, Nat. I care about you, just like you care about me. Why not let me in for once?"

She hesitated, her fingers brushing against the rim of her glass. "Steve’s a good man," she said finally, her voice measured. "But sometimes... sometimes I wonder if being with me is best for him."

You frowned, your heart aching at the vulnerability in her tone. "Why would you think that? Anyone would be lucky to have you."

Natasha let out a soft laugh, though it was filled with bitterness. "I’m not exactly the ideal woman, am I? I’ve got too many rough edges and too much baggage. Steve deserves someone uncomplicated, someone who fits neatly into his world. Someone feminine. I'm not a homemaker. I can't cook but a few dishes. The roses are the only thing I can keep alive."

The silence that followed was thick with unspoken words. Natasha shifted, the weight of the conversation settling between you both. She looked down at her glass, her fingers tapping lightly against the rim. Her lips parted as if she was about to say something but quickly closed again, unsure of how to continue.

"He's lucky to have you as a wife," you said, trying to break the tension. "You're smart, witty, and a great listener. You've got the sharpest tongue and a killer sense of style. Steve couldn't have asked for a better match."

"It's not the same," she insisted, her eyes meeting yours. "He doesn't need someone like me. He needs a woman to run a household and keep his parents happy. Someone who doesn't enjoy sex with women."

You blinked, startled by the last bit. Natasha was staring at you, her expression guarded. You felt the sudden urge to reach out and reassure her, but you didn't know how.

"I'm not sure what you mean," you said carefully. "Are you saying that you and Steve don't—"

"No," Natasha interrupted. "I'm not saying that. But our sex life is... complicated. I enjoy sex with him, but I also enjoy sex with other women. It's not something he can understand."

Your cheeks flushed as her words sunk in. The air seemed to crackle between you both, charged with tension. Natasha was still watching you, waiting for your reaction. You didn't know what to say. You'd never given much thought to other women before her.

"The postman is here," Natasha said, suddenly standing and heading to the window. It was her way of pulling away from the conversation. She tended to do that a lot. "Let's see if we've gotten anything interesting today."

She didn't wait for your reply before stepping outside, the screen door shutting behind her. You watched her walk down the front steps, her posture perfectly poised. She spoke to the postman briefly before heading back toward the house, a stack of envelopes in hand. You stood, clearing your throat as she came inside.

"Let's see," Natasha murmured, sorting through the mail. "Bills, bills, more bills... oh, and this must be the latest copy of Vogue."

She pulled out a magazine, its cover featuring a stunning model wearing an elegant evening gown. You glanced at the cover, admiring the sleek design.

"Looks like I'm not the only one who loves fashion," you teased, giving her a knowing smile. She stacked the mail on the foyer table.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good," Natasha said, a faint smile curving her lips.

You hesitated, the words spilling from your lips. "Do you want to go out?"

Natasha raised a brow, surprised by your suggestion. "Like a date?"

"Yeah," you said, shrugging. "We could get a bite to eat or go dancing."

"Oh, honey," Natasha said with a soft chuckle, leaning against the table's edge as she folded her arms. "You know it can’t be a date."

"I know," you said quickly, feeling a slight flush creep up your cheeks. "I didn’t mean it like that. I just thought..." You trailed off, fumbling for the words. "Well, I just thought maybe we could spend some time together. But if it’s too much, forget I said anything."

Natasha’s smile softened, her green eyes warm. "Now, don’t go putting words in my mouth," she said lightly. "I didn’t say no. I just think stepping out together might turn a few heads. Folks around here love a bit of gossip."

"True enough," you said with a small laugh, nodding in agreement. "The neighborhood grapevine’s quicker than a telephone line."

"Exactly," Natasha said, her tone playful but with a hint of caution. She paused for a moment, tilting her head thoughtfully. "But who says we can’t make a night of it here? I’ve got a good bottle of wine in the kitchen and more records than I can count. No need for all the hullabaloo."

You raised a brow, your lips curving into a smile. "So, you’d rather keep me hidden in your house than be seen with me in public?"

Natasha smirked, grabbing the stack of mail and heading toward the kitchen. "Something like that. Besides, I think you’d enjoy the songs I’ve been spinning lately."

"Oh, now I’m curious," you teased, following her. "What kind of tunes are we talking about?"

"Only the best," Natasha replied, glancing over her shoulder with a twinkle in her eye. "But you’ll have to stick around to find out."

"Fair enough," you said, feeling a warmth spread through you. Spending a quiet evening with Natasha, just the two of you, felt more inviting than any night out.

********

Hours later, you found yourself back at Natasha’s house, taking note of the sun setting as your cue. You’d taken your time getting ready, selecting an outfit that was comfortable and flattering. It wasn’t overly fussy—Natasha would never expect that—but you wanted to look your best for her.

You’d even dabbed on your favorite shade of lipstick, which always made you feel more confident. And for good measure, you pinned your hair up, remembering how Natasha once mentioned how much she liked the style on you. Her words had stayed with you, playing on repeat in the quieter corners of your mind.

As you climbed the steps to her porch, the soft glow of light spilling through the windows made the house feel welcoming, almost magical in the dusk. You smoothed your skirt one last time and knocked, your heart picking up a rhythm that felt both ridiculous and exhilarating.

When the door opened, Natasha stood in a simple yet elegant outfit—a soft sweater and slacks that looked effortlessly chic. She gave you a once-over, her lips curving into a small, approving smile.

"You clean up nice," she said, stepping aside to let you in.

"You don’t look so bad yourself," you quipped, though your tone betrayed how much you meant it.

The house smelled faintly of roses, and the faint crackle of a record player filled the air with a familiar melody. Natasha led you into the living room, where a small table had been set with two glasses and the bottle of wine she’d mentioned earlier.

"You didn’t have to go to so much trouble," you said, taking it all in.

"It’s not trouble," she replied, her voice warm. "I just figured if we’re staying in, we might as well make it nice."

You couldn’t help but smile at that, feeling a little flutter in your chest. Natasha always had a way of making the simplest moments feel extraordinary.

"Here," she said, holding up the bottle. "I think it's best to start with a toast."

She poured the wine, and you each took a glass, clinking them together before taking a sip. The wine was smooth and rich, warming your throat as you swallowed.

"Good choice," you murmured, admiring the deep red color.

"Only the best," she repeated, a mischievous glint in her eye.

"So," you said, glancing around the room. "What song did you have in mind?"

"Ah," Natasha said, nodding. "Let me put on the record, and you'll see."

She crossed the room, and as the music began to play, your eyes widened.

"Oh, I love this one," you exclaimed. "Billie Holiday is a gem!"

Natasha smiled, the look in her eyes softening as the music filled the room. "She's a favorite of mine. This particular song always reminds me of a dear friend. A girl, actually. We used to dance together when we were younger."

Her voice was full of affection, and you imagined a young Natasha swept up in the arms of a girl, their bodies pressed close as they moved together to the music. You swallowed, trying to ignore the pang of jealousy in your belly.

"Did she mean a lot to you?" You asked, trying to keep your tone casual.

Natasha laughed, her eyes sparkling. "We had some fun times. Truthfully, she was always a bit too wild for my taste."

"Oh," You nodded.

"Are you jealous?"

"No," you said, shaking your head. "Just surprised.”

Natasha grinned, her lips parting slightly as if she was going to say something, but instead, she walked over and held out her hand.

"Dance with me."

You stared at her, surprised. You didn't know what to say, and your heart was racing.

"Dance with me," Natasha repeated, her voice softer now.

Slowly, you took her hand, feeling the warmth of her skin against yours. She drew you close, wrapping her arm around your waist, and you followed her lead. Your bodies swayed to the music, the rhythm guiding you both. You and Natasha had never danced this close before. You'd never had this moment of intimacy with her. All of your meetings before this were guided by hurriedness and practicality. There was always a purpose—a reason—for your time together, whether it was helping with her garden, sharing a quick cup of coffee, or catching up about your families. But this moment was different. There was no rush, no task to complete, no excuse to look away.

The world outside her cozy living room slowly faded, leaving just the two of you. Natasha’s hand rested firmly but tenderly against the small of your back, her touch grounding you in a way you hadn’t expected.

"You’re a natural," she murmured, her breath brushing against your ear.

You let out a soft laugh, a little embarrassed but unable to tear your gaze away from her. "I’m just following your lead."

Her lips twitched into a faint smile that softened her typically sharp features. "You make it look effortless."

You couldn’t tell if she was talking about the dancing or something else entirely, but the weight of her words wrapped around you just the same. The space between you was almost nonexistent now, and you were hyper-aware of every place her body met yours—the press of her breasts against yours, the warmth of her breath, the brush of her thighs against yours. You knew it was wrong to feel this way, but you couldn’t deny how good it felt.

You couldn’t deny how much you wanted her.

As the song ended, you remained close, neither willing to break the spell.

"This is nice," Natasha muttered. "Being here with you like this."

You hummed in agreement, her words sending a shiver down your spine.

"I can't believe you've been here this long and I haven't kissed you," She said.

"Natasha," you whispered.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Kiss me."

She didn't need to be told twice.

Her lips met yours, her kiss tender and firm, and you melted into her. It was unlike any other kiss you'd experienced, and you wanted more. You parted your lips, deepening the kiss, and she responded in kind, her tongue meeting yours in a slow, languid rhythm.

You were lost in the sensation, the taste of her, the scent of her perfume, the softness of her skin. You couldn't think straight. Your whole body was buzzing with desire, and the only thing you could focus on was her.

"You always taste so sweet,"

"Mmm, it's just my lipstick," you said with a soft laugh.

"It's more than that," she countered, her fingers tracing the curve of your jaw. "It's you."

Her words made your heart skip a beat, and you could feel yourself getting flushed.

"Nat," You murmured.

"Yes?" She asked, her gaze locking with yours.

"I love being here with you.” 

Her expression shifted, a mix of emotions playing across her face. Surprise, desire, and something else, something softer. Somehow, she figured that’s not what you were going to say. 

"I love being here with you too.” 

And with that, she captured your lips in another searing kiss. You both knew there was no turning back now. You were each other's, and nothing could ever change that.

"We haven’t had dinner," She whispered. "I cooked for you. Um, brisket. It's in the oven."

"It's perfect," you breathed, the two of you stumbling to the couch. "Everything's perfect."

"Well," Natasha said, her eyes dancing with amusement. "I wouldn't go that far."

"Take a compliment," you replied, a playful edge in your voice.

She smiled, leaning in to capture your lips once more. As the kisses grew heated, her hands began exploring your body, her touch igniting a fire within you. You were burning up with need; she was the only thing to quench the flames.

You couldn't resist reaching for her, pulling her close as your kisses became desperate and hungry. The heat between you was undeniable, and you were both lost in the moment.

"Can I touch you here?" Natasha asked as her hand raised to rest along your breast. It was an interesting question, considering she'd touched you in far worse places. You nodded.

She was careful and gentle, as if afraid to scare you away.

"Don't stop," You said, breathless, as she cupped your breast and rolled your nipple between her fingers.

You could feel yourself getting wet, the ache between your legs growing more intense. Natasha was relentless, her touch firm but tender, and you were drowning in the sensations.

"Please, Nat," you begged, not sure what exactly you were asking for, but you needed her more than anything.

"Shhh," She cooed. "Let me take care of you."

She began kissing down your neck, her tongue tracing the line of your collarbone. You gasped, your body responding to her touch as if it was made for her.

"I'm glad you wore a dress tonight," She said, her voice low and husky. "It makes things so much easier."

Before you could respond, she was lifting your skirt, exposing your thighs. She traced a path with her fingers, slowly making her way up. She took note of your lack of stockings and garter.

"Oh, no undergarments?" She teased. "You naughty thing."

Your face was hot as she slid her hand between your legs, her fingers teasing at your entrance. You couldn't hold back a moan, the pleasure too intense.

"Is this okay?" She asked, her touch light and deliberate.

"Yes," You gasped, your hips rocking against her hand.

She bit her lip, watching your facial expressions and chest heaving.

"I want to try something," She bit her lip. "If you're okay with it."

"Anything," You moaned.

She smiled and removed her fingers, placing them in her mouth. You could only stare, transfixed, as she licked them clean.

"You taste even sweeter down here," she said, her tone full of mischief. She dropped to her knees and, without another word, buried her face between your legs.

"Oh," you whimpered, feeling her tongue lick a long stripe over your sex. She hummed against your skin, sending vibrations through you.

"You like that?" She asked, looking up at you with hooded eyes.

"Yes," You breathed, barely able to form the word. Based on your responses, she could tell this was your first experience with a person's mouth there.

She was unrelenting, her tongue finding every spot that made you cry out and then some. The sounds coming from her were positively sinful, and they only added to the pleasure building within you. You were lost in the feeling, unable to do anything but let go and surrender to the waves of ecstasy crashing over you.

Your orgasm hit you hard, and you cried out, gripping the cushions beneath you. Natasha's grip tightened on your thighs as she helped you ride out the aftershocks.

"How was that?" She asked, a self-satisfied grin on her face.

You could only stare at her, completely speechless.

"That good, huh?" She chuckled, licking her lips.

"More," You demanded, your voice hoarse.

Natasha was happy to oblige until a distinct smell came into the air.

"Something's burning," You said, alarmed.

"Shit," Natasha exclaimed, leaping up and running toward the kitchen.

You followed her, quickly taking the pan out of the oven and opening a window.

"Damn it," Natasha cursed, looking down at the charred brisket. "I was so distracted, I forgot about dinner."

"It's alright," You reassured her. "The important thing is that we're together."

She smiled, the expression warming her features. "I couldn't agree more."

"We should eat something," You said.

"I'm not sure there's anything edible left," she joked.

"I can make some sandwiches," you suggested, not wanting the night to end. You looked over at Natasha's face. Her lipstick was smudged, and her hair was a mess. You couldn't help but giggle at the sight.

"What?" Natasha asked, looking at you.

"Nothing," you said, grinning. You reached across you to wipe her mouth. "Was it enjoyable for you to do that? It seemed awfully one-sided."

Natasha blushed. "I enjoyed it."

You gave her a coy look, feeling brave.

"Do you want me to... um... return the favor?"

Natasha swallowed hard, her gaze locked on yours. You could see the desire burning in her eyes. She leaned forward to kiss you, but you hesitated.

"What?"

"Is it proper for us to kiss after?" You asked. "I mean, you did just..."

Natasha grinned, shaking her head. "Nothing about what we did is proper. "

"Then why do we bother doing it?" You asked.

"Because it's fun," Natasha replied, her voice low and seductive. "And because I'm selfish. I want to see how far we can go before the neighbors start to gossip."

You couldn't help but laugh at that, your heart racing at her boldness. You leaned in and kissed her, the taste of you on her lips sending a thrill through you.

"To the bedroom," She said, standing and pulling you with her.

"But what about the sandwiches?"

"Screw the sandwiches," Natasha said, her expression dark with desire. "I want to fuck you."

You felt a flush spread across your cheeks, and a rush of heat flooded your core.

"Then take me," you breathed, wanting her more than anything.

The two of you made your way to her room, an unfamiliar room. You'd never been in her bedroom before. There was no reason to be, considering. She was a very private person. But now, you were both ready to take this relationship to the next level.

Once inside, she wasted no time in pulling you close, her hands exploring your body as she kissed you deeply. You could feel her urgency, her need, and it fueled your own.

"Let me undress you," she murmured, her breath warm against your ear.

"Natasha, let me spoil you," you insisted, wanting to repay the favor. "You deserve."

She didn't protest this time. Instead, she simply nodded, a small smile curving her lips. You stepped back, allowing her to watch as you slowly stripped off your dress.

"Beautiful," she breathed, her gaze lingering on your bare breasts.

You blushed, feeling self-conscious under her scrutiny.

"Don't be shy," she said, her tone soothing. "You're perfect."

You couldn't help but smile at her praise, and you were suddenly filled with renewed confidence.

You stepped toward her, reaching for the hem of her sweater. You lifted it slowly, exposing her smooth skin.

She wasn't wearing a bra, and her breasts were just as perfect as the rest of her. You couldn't resist running your hands over them, feeling her nipples harden beneath your touch.

"You're amazing," you whispered, kissing her.

She responded eagerly, her lips parting to allow your tongue entrance.

The kiss quickly heated, and you pushed her back toward the bed. You both fell onto the soft sheets, your bodies tangled together.

Natasha was the one to break the kiss, her green eyes dark with lust.

"I want to do what you did to me in the den," You blushed. "I've never done that before. Will you show me how you like it?"

Natasha was more than happy to oblige. She lifted to remove her pants and underwear. Then, she laid back and spread her legs, allowing you to get a good look at her.

She was glistening with arousal, and the sight was almost enough to make you come right then and there.

"Go ahead," she encouraged, her voice low and husky. "Taste me."

You bit your lip, leaning in and pressing against her center. It was a simple kiss, one that garnered a weak expression. She was being patient with you. Her scent was intoxicating. Musky and uniquely her.

"Again," She urged gently. "But, harder."

You did as she said, putting more pressure behind the kiss. You could feel her body tense, her breathing growing heavier.

"More," she pleaded. "Use your tongue."

You obeyed, flicking your tongue against her, causing her to moan softly.

"Oh, fuck," she gasped, her hips bucking against your mouth.

"Is that okay?" You asked, worried you were doing something wrong.

"More than okay," she assured you, her hand resting on your head. "Just keep going." She directed your head where she wanted it, and you happily complied.

"Yes," she groaned, her grip tightening. "Just like that."

Her sounds were intoxicating, and you found yourself getting more and more turned on by her reactions. Recalling where her tongue had taken you, you decided to try something new.

You puckered your lips and suckled the sensitive bud there, earning a loud moan from Natasha.

"That's it," she gasped, her back arching off the bed. "Keep going."

You continued the motion, alternating between sucking and flicking your tongue. Her taste was addictive, and you couldn't get enough of it.

"I'm close," she warned, her voice strained. "Don't stop."

You picked up the pace, wanting to bring her to the edge. You could feel her body tensing, her breathing becoming ragged. You appreciated the fact that she could tell you how she felt, as this form of sex was not a common practice.

Suddenly, her body went rigid, and a cry tore from her lips. Her release was intense, her muscles clenching and releasing in waves.

You kept going, wanting to draw out her pleasure for as long as possible. She was breathtaking like this, lost in the throes of ecstasy. You'd never seen anything so beautiful.

As her body finally began to relax, you slowed your movements, bringing her down from her high. You rested your head against her thigh and waited for her.

"Come here," she said, her voice shaky.

You crawled up her body, meeting her lips in a deep kiss.

"That was incredible," she murmured, a lazy smile across her face. "Not bad for your first time."

"I had a good teacher," you replied, returning her smile. You slipped under the sheets. 

"And a very willing student," she teased.

You settled into her arms, both of you content and satisfied.

"Sex with you is," You began.

"Incredible?" She smirked.

"It is, but also... it's just so easy," you explained. "Being with you is like breathing."

Natasha didn't speak but drew you closer, kissing gently on your temple.

"I'm learning so much," You continued. "Thank you for letting me explore with you."

Natasha's expression softened, and she leaned in to kiss you, slow and tender.

"You're welcome," she whispered, her voice full of affection."Why do you do that?" She questioned.

"Do what?" You asked, unsure what she was referring to.

"Hide from me," She said, her gaze trailing over your bare skin. "There's no need. Not here."

You swallowed, not knowing how to respond.

"I've had a child," You answered. "My body isn't as..."

"It's perfect," She interrupted. "Just like the rest of you."

She was right, you decided. Why should you hide from her? After all, she had seen you in all your naked glory. It was only fair that you returned the favor.

Slowly, you emerged from beneath the sheets, letting her look her fill.

"Beautiful," she murmured, her eyes filled with desire. "Absolutely beautiful."

"Come here," She instructed, holding out her arms.

You obliged, crawling into her embrace. Her lips met yours, and the kiss quickly grew heated.

You found yourself straddling her, her hands exploring your body, and the ache between your legs intensified. You wanted her, needed her.

"Please," you whispered, desperate for her touch.

"Tell me what you want," she said, her voice low and husky.

"You," you replied, unable to articulate more than that.

"Then you shall have me," she said, rolling the two of you so she was on top.

"How would you like to come this time?" She asked, her hands cupping your breasts.

"Whatever you want," You answered, eager to give yourself to her.

She chuckled, her lips curling into a devilish grin. "Then we're in for a long night."

And with that, she proceeded to show you exactly how many times a woman could orgasm in a single night.

By the end, you were utterly spent, your body exhausted and sated. You lay against the pillows, your eyes closed, trying to catch your breath.

Natasha was curled around you, her body pressed against yours, her head resting on your shoulder.

"I could stay here forever," She said, her voice sleepy.

"Me too," You agreed, your own eyes heavy. "I should probably go home soon."

"What if you didn't?" She suggested, her fingers tracing idle patterns on your skin.

"What do you mean?" You asked, confused.

"What if you stayed here with me?" She elaborated, her words slow and deliberate.

"It's risky," You sighed. "If anyone found out—"

"I know," She interrupted, her tone soft. "But we've been doing a good job keeping this a secret. No one suspects anything. Besides, I can't bear the thought of not having you by my side tonight."

You considered her words, your heart pounding in your chest. It was true; the two of you had been careful. And, you had to admit, spending the night in her arms was tempting.

"Okay," You finally said, making up your mind. "I'll stay."

Natasha's smile lit up her face, and she kissed you, her lips warm and soft.

"Good," she said, her eyes sparkling. "Because I can't get enough of you."

***********

You stood by the armchair, slipping back into your heels quickly. The soft sound of your dress fabric brushing against your legs filled the quiet room. Natasha sat on the edge of the sofa, still in her robe, nursing a cup of coffee that smelled rich and inviting.

"Leaving so soon?" she asked, her tone casual but her eyes sharp, observing every movement you made.

You gave her a fleeting smile, smoothing out the creases in your dress. "Claire’s coming home soon. She spent the night with my mother, but you know how she gets—she’s practically attached to my hip.”

"Mm," Natasha hummed, sipping her coffee.

"They’ll be back soon, too," you said, avoiding her gaze as you adjusted your earring. The rush in your movements betrayed the careful calm in your voice.

Natasha set her cup down, leaning forward slightly. "You’re in a hurry," she noted, her voice softer now, almost teasing but edged with something more. "Do you regret our night together?"

You froze for a split second, feeling her words settle uncomfortably in the air. You knew you shouldn’t feel guilty. You hadn’t done anything wrong—or had you? Shaking off the thought, you reached for your purse.

"I just don’t want to raise any questions," you said, your tone light. "It’s nothing."

Natasha’s voice followed you, stopping you in your tracks. "Do you think about it?"

You turned to face her, her words catching you off guard. "Think about what?"

Her green eyes stayed on yours, steady and unflinching. "What it would’ve been like if things were different. If we were different."

You blinked, caught in her gaze, the question hanging in the air. "Natasha," you began, trying to find the words. "I—"

"It's alright," she said, her lips quirking up. "I understand. We have our responsibilities. And, besides, some things can't be changed, no matter how hard we wish they could."

Her words cut through you, and you felt a wave of sadness.

"I'm sorry," You sighed. "I enjoyed my night with you. I really did."

"I know," She reassured. "So did I. We should do it again sometime." She opened her arms for a hug.

"I would love that," You answered. She breathed in your scent, smelling herself all over your body, and hummed.

"The idea of him touching you makes me crazy," she murmured. "But I also love smelling my scent on you. I bet he wouldn't be able to do a quarter of what I did to you last night."

It's the first time you've heard her be so possessive. Your breath caught in your throat at her words.

"It's only fair," She continued. "You should have let me mark you."

You felt a surge of arousal course through you at her words but also a flicker of unease. It was dangerous territory, the two of you getting so attached.

"We have to be careful," You warned, though it was the last thing you wanted. "Someone could find out."

"Would it be so bad if they did?" Natasha knew she was being reckless, but she didn't care. All she cared about was you. She nuzzled her nose into your neck.

"Natasha," You protested, your resolve weakening. "We can't."

"Yes, we can," She said, her voice low and seductive. "Just think about it, being with me every day, sharing our lives."

It was tempting, but you knew it was impossible. "It would never work," You said, trying to sound firm, but the words came out sad.

Natasha’s brows furrowed as she pulled back slightly, her piercing gaze locking onto yours. "Why wouldn’t it work?" she challenged, her voice steady, though there was a hint of frustration beneath it.

"Because it’s not just about us," you admitted, your hands trembling as you stepped away, needing space to think clearly. "I’m scared, Natasha. Scared of what this... of what you make me feel."

"Scared?" Natasha repeated, her tone sharp now, almost incredulous. "What’s there to be scared of? Isn’t it scarier to stay in something that doesn’t make you happy?"

You shook your head, your voice cracking as you tried to explain. "It’s not that simple. I love Sam. He’s a good man. And I don’t want to hurt him—or Steve."

Her jaw tightened, and for a moment, she looked away, exhaling deeply. "You should have thought about that before," she said quietly, her words cutting like a knife.

"I know," you replied, guilt heavy in your chest. "And maybe... maybe that’s why we need to cool down. This—whatever this is—it’s too much, Nat. It’s moving too fast, and I... I could lose Claire."

Natasha blinked, clearly taken aback. "Lose Claire?" she repeated, her voice filled with disbelief. "That’s ridiculous. Sam would never take her away from you."

"You don’t understand," you said, your voice rising as panic bubbled. "You can’t understand because you don’t have children. You don’t know what it’s like to have your entire life revolve around them, to know that one wrong move could take them away from you."

The words hung in the air, heavy and biting. Natasha’s face hardened a flicker of hurt, crossing her features before she masked it. "You think I wouldn’t understand?" she asked, her voice quieter now but no less intense.

"I didn’t mean it like that," you said quickly, regret pooling in your stomach.

"But you did," she countered, stepping closer, her gaze uncompromising. "You think because I don’t have children because I can’t have children, that I wouldn’t understand what it means to love someone so much it scares you?"

You froze, her words hitting you like a punch to the gut. "Natasha, I—"

"Don’t," she interrupted, her voice thick with emotion. "You’re scared, fine. But don’t you dare stand there and tell me I don’t understand love? That’s the one thing I do understand."

The room fell silent. Natasha’s breathing was steady but labored, as though she was holding back everything she wanted to say.

"I’m sorry," you whispered, your voice breaking. "I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m just... I’m trying to do the right thing."

She let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head. "The right thing? For who? For Sam? For Steve? When do you start doing the right thing for yourself?" Natasha sniffled. "You're right." She said. "You should go home and prepare for Sam."

"Natasha," you started, but she held up her hand.

You stood there, conflicted, unsure of how to proceed when she moved towards you. For a moment, it seemed like she was going to say something more, but instead, she reached out, cupping your cheek with a tenderness that surprised you.

"You're a good friend," She murmured. She placed a final kiss on your lips before pulling back. "I suppose you can see your way out."

She turned and walked down the hall, leaving you alone.

You stared after her, feeling the ache in your chest grow, and tried to ignore the sense of loss that was settling in.

You told yourself that you were doing the right thing, even as tears spilled down your cheeks. It was the right thing.

And yet, as you walked out the door and headed home, you couldn't help but feel like a part of you had stayed behind.

[yellowballoondogs]

Giving the x-men disabilities so they can suffer like me

I just think it’s cool how much people can relate to the x-men in marginalized groups no matter the group. Just like how they’re all gay, POC, religious minorities, etc.

Cyclops- Scott Summers

C’mon this is the most autistic man to ever autism

He’s got model plane sets and shit around his otherwise empty and perfectly cleaned room with the sheet corners tucked in and everything

He stopped stimming because of O’Diamonds and Sinisters abuse but started again when he got more comfortable with the o5 team. He definitely does flappy hands

He probably hyper fixated on an obscure engineering subject

photophobia- light sensitivity

Idk if it’s cannon or not but it would make sense with his brain damage and all (plus I have it and I’m projecting) it’s also an autism symptom so double whammy- his glasses will help

Migrainous stroke- basically stroke with migraines. It ties into brain damage and photophobia with migraines which would make so much sense. Frequent strokes too? Fuck yeah let’s highlight how his childhood trauma and overwhelming power effect him- how mutant powers aren’t always good.

He should have really shitty vision- canonically colorblind- wears glasses all the time so low light, his eyes basically fucking glow. This man cannot see for shit

“cut the red wire cyclops!” “They’re all red!”

Storm- Ororo Monroe

She’s canonically claustrophobic but it’s really only used as a once in awhile plot device

I think it should tie into anxiety a lot more

Ororo is the kind of person who uses a planner to manage every aspect of her day so she’s never caught of guard

She’s got only one timer set up to take her meds instead of 10 like the rest of us (she’s simply better)

She would have actual panic attacks that don’t end the second she’s out of a confined space. Full run-

For her a panic attack would cause a lot of derealization. She doesn’t feel like she’s in her body, she feels out of control, like she can’t breathe, dizzy, both hot and cold at the same time.

Nightcrawler-Kurt Wagner

syndactyly- fusion of fingers or toes. This is basically cannon. He’s got 2 big fingers and toes so like no explanation really needed. He’s got it even if it’s for different reasons.

This greatly effects his ability to do certain things- our boy can’t use a controller can he? How’s he meant to play Mario cart with the rest of the team ):

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome- bendy bones and stretchy skin that causes lots of joint pain

He canonical has bendy bones so like this is also half canon. Plus I’m giving my blorbo chronic pain to project.

Pretty sure there’s a Spider-Man with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome too so that’s very slay.

Rouge- Anne-Marie

Hear me out- HPV It’s the whole- “I can’t touch anyone” thing

She was born with it

It causes a lot of pain for her but she hides it around people she’s not comfortable with (so really just unmasking in front of remy and her family)

Also stds just need to be a lot more normalized. And her having to be so weird about people with it fits so much with the whole “ew mutants” thing

Xavier

Yeah yeah he’s a paraplegic

They should be better about it though. No more of this curing him so often he’s like the one famous character wheelchair bound people get

Stop making him so weak, he runs a school to learn how to kick ass, man can probably box, who needs legs. They always just make him useless once someone kicks over his chair or something

Chronic migraines again

Listen hearing all those thoughts all the time can’t be all sunshine’s and rainbows. Make him suffer (this goes for all telepaths)

Gambit- Remy Lebeau

He canonically has brain damage (via lebeatomy) (haha get it)

He’s getting hit with migraines too. Making all these losers suffer

He probably also has very bad vision because of his eyes- probably not very good with light just like cyclops (likely worse)

I’m going to give him the worlds worst period cramps via dysmenorrhea. Yeah he’s trans to me I’m a romy t4t Reuther

Rapid fire listings let’s go!

Jubilee canonically has Dyscalculia- like dyslexia for numbers

Wolverine canonically has memory issues and ptsd

Magneto canonically has ptsd

Legion canonically has multiple personality disorder or DID- dissociative identity disorder. It’s not always portrayed the best but rep is rep

Angel canonically has hollow bones- I’m gonna gc him with osteoporosis

Headcanoning Madelyn Pryor with post partum depression

Scarlet witch gets head cannoned half of all the mental disorders- depression, psychosis, ptsd, and anything you wanna give her. Girl needs a staff of therapists, psychologists, and a cocktail of pills

Quicksilver gets headcannoned with ADHD. Boring I know but I’ve got it and it fits him so projection time

Let marrow have ptsd. Girl witnessed a genocide of her people and her moms death as a child. Why do they skim over that? Girl is suffering

Pyro canonically had the legacy virus which was like a big euphemism for AIDs so he gets that. Plus he also gets hit with the autism beam

Toad is autistic. No further questions

Jean grey gets the psychic migraines but I’m also giving her autism cause her relationship with Scott is nowhere near neurotypical. The biggest disability marvel gave her was liking wolverine though. He canonically smells like shit and is an asshole. I love him.

Kitty pryde gets type 1 diabetes- I cannot explain why it fits her it just does

Cable gets lupus cause he canonically had a fantasy space tech autoimmune disease so let’s just make it more realistic

Daken gets lactose intolerance (he’s fine because he doesn’t really actually eat dairy)

Iceman gets lactose intolerance (he’s not fine because he loves all things dairy)

Dust gets celiac disease

[xamiipholia]

okay y'all seemed to like the last one so here's a few more Horizon 3 thoughts:

Aloy won’t die. It would completely upend the series’ themes and just be really nihilistic.

Since Nemesis is a gestalt entity I think it’s a safe bet that we’ll see Sam Witwer, Carrie-Anne Moss, etc again. I’m curious how they’re going to do it because at least structurally, it’s basically a reaper. Maybe it’ll use different Avatars when communicating like the Leviathan in ME3. 

It's gonna take some work to make a flashback/dream/vision not contrived but I would love to see Varl and Rost again. I think we deserve that.

Minerva is gonna have its work cut out for it blocking access to both the dormant Faro Swarm and the ZD terraforming system. 

I wouldn’t be surprised if Nemesis has some sort of corruption function that becomes the equivalent of the corruption in HZD. It would be a really fun tech showcase if GG uses Zenith nanotech for machine corruption and leans into mechanical body horror.

If we’re going to Ban-Ur I really really hope they do the work to make the Banuk less problematic and more fleshed out as a culture. A quasi-Spartan society absolutely would not survive in an extreme environment, *especially* without megafauna to hunt. The Banuk characters are lovely and well-written; they deserve a society as well thought out as the Utaru or Carja. I’m honestly fine if there’s retcons or revamps to the cultural lore because the whole “outsider barges in and becomes chief” is rooted in racist, colonial tropes and we just don’t really need that imo.

The most recent footage of Death Stranding 2 (also running on Decima) has me SO excited for the visuals. GG’s gonna knock it out. The facial rendering and animation that Kojima Productions are doing looks industry-peak and I’m sure GG’s gonna match that. Aloy’s Gay Panic™️ scene on the beach in HBS is already top-tier nonverbal storytelling through animation. Digital Foundry actually just posted a really cool tech breakdown of the current Decima engine. I’m especially excited about the environmental stuff. The ocean simulations in HFW are already incredible and I hope they increase verticality in the world. I can’t wait to see the Sacred Lands in current gen graphics. 

I really love Kotallo’s DIY arm and it’s so so important to his development but Beta and Gaia now have access to Zenith nanotech, maybe give your buddy a sick upgrade hmm?

Speaking of, I can’t wait to see Beta come into her own. She’s one of the best parts of HFW and Aloy’s character absolutely shines in a sibling dynamic. 

I wouldn’t get your hopes up for a romance mechanic. Everyone’s feelings on that aside, it would be really odd from a game development perspective to just overhaul part of how the narrative develops Aloy’s character in the last act of the story. Yeah, there are flashpoints but I would argue that the presence of choice in Horizon is smoke and mirrors- cosmetic at best. Kentucky Route Zero (which you should play) does something similar where the player is given a certain amount of control over the substance of individual conversations and scenarios and it does absolutely nothing to alter the plot, by design. I think it’s the same here - this isn’t really a choice-based RPG, the flashpoints don’t really affect anything plot-wise or for Aloy’s character development. Olin is still out of the story, Nil lives, Regalla still dies one way or another. Aloy’s character development is pretty firmly on rails (think Jin Sakai, not Shepard - you get to guide some momentary character reactions but that’s it). I don’t think HBS is a testing ground either - If they were gonna introduce a romance mechanic I think they’d just do it, and not spend two years making a direct continuation of HFW’s main quest and establishing a specific romance hard-baked into the plot, complete with multiple leitmotifs for the character relationship (which is something they haven’t done before afaik) just to introduce a side quest mechanic coming in 5 years. I genuinely can’t think of any game or dev that has beta tested a major alteration to upcoming game mechanics that way - it doesn’t really make any sense in terms of developer resources, and these games are extremely time-consuming to make. I know this is a thing a bunch of people want and I can totally empathize with that! I just think it’s probably not on the table. 

I would bet money the series will bookend itself and the epilogue will involve a) the naming of Zo and Varl’s kid and b) Lis’ pendant. 

Mostly I'm just looking forward to being surprised. One of my favorite things that Horizon does is use carefully established elements in the world to pull the plot in unexpected directions and keeping the world grounded while they lean into speculative science fiction. I can't wait to see what Guerrilla is cooking up

[thisbelongsto-nohbodys]

Anne and Sasha are having a casual duel

Anne:Come on, Waybright, I know you've got more than that

Sasha:OK, Boonchuy,do say I don't listen to my wife

Sasha starts to fight seriously, and Anne not expecting it starts to struggle

Their blades clash,as anne struggle to push sasha back

Anne trips, but Sasha, having dropped her swords, catch her with one hand

Anne(blushing):Thanks for the save,I didn't think you would get so serious

Sasha(also blushing):No problem,but I think I deserve a reward.

Sasha then pulls anne into a kiss

Marcy having been their the whole time, then pass out with a loud thud from gay panic

Sword sparring is basically foreplay for Sashanne, also something Marcy likes watching both for the sexual tension and for learning how to better draw sword fights in her comics/animations

[symphonic-scream]

I have more of the Okujima Fake Dating thing

(summary; Makoto and Haru are uni roommates (and friends w/ benefits but that's not something they address) and to avoid her relatives finding her a partner, Haru lies and tells them she's gay (not a lie) and has a girlfriend she's serious with (mega lie))

Like. Makoto takes this job so seriously

She asks Haru for the guest list and photos so she can remember who is who and she studies, and by the time they arrive she's figured out which relatives to bow to, or shake hands, or offer a fist bump

Haru: you didn't have to do all that,

Makoto: any partner of yours should put in this much effort. Otherwise, they're not worthy of calling you theirs

The room booked for them has one bed, a real nice shower, and a jet tub. They go to bath houses together with their friends, so it's not as awkward as either assumed when they spend a night soaking in the tub together, jets turned on the lowest setting. It's even less awkward when they share the bed, since, well, they've done worse. And besides, Haru has learned over the last two years that she's hella touch starved and has abandonment issues, and Makoto? A very cuddly sleeper. It's, almost like they were designed to work well together (ehe)

Haru's relatives also adore Makoto. Both as a person, and for Haru. They all met Haru after her dad died, before she went off and made friends in uni. They met sad high school Haru. And she's so different from the lady in front of them, not hiding the little snort in her laughter as one of her cousins close to her age teaches Makoto a goofy dance, and she makes it look sillier with how stiff and awkward she is

Haru's cousins from her aunt are three boys. One is married with two kids, one is getting married, and one is her age. The middle and youngest get along with her best, the youngest being a musician, the middle a dancer, and the oldest a gym teacher, former athlete

She's got twin cousins from Uncle 1, her mom's twin. Both just younger than her. A boy, who's going to be an aerospace engineer, and a girl, who wants to be a lawyer. Overly smart little seniors

And uncle two? Two daughters. One older, one younger. The older one is married and about to have a son, and the younger one just started a business ethics degree

There are two more aunts. One, married no kids, the other? Single as hell

Haru's grandparents are there too, and they love Makoto so much. They missed out on so much of Haru's life cause they lost contact with their daughter after she married Kunikazu, and, they're just happy to see she found someone that's as respectful and loving as Makoto

Makoto: do you think your family would mind if I wore a suit?

Haru: nope. My aunt is gay, after all. Her wife will be wearing one too

Makoto: seriously? That's so cool!

Haru: mm! They're the mothers of the groom, so you'll see plenty of them this trip

Makoto: amazing,

Oldest cousin: hey, Haru? Can you watch these two for a moment? I have to go talk to my Mama

Haru: oh- Uhm, okay?

Makoto: here, hand me the little one. Hey, bud

Haru: *gay staring*

By the wedding itself they're fully together. Acting the exact same, but they acknowledge why they stare at each other so tenderly

They'd call the others, their friends from uni, from time to time

The opening of it would be Haru having to admit she fucked up to her bestie Ryuji, and Ann

All head in arms, asking either of them to help her out and Ryuji says he would but he's not exactly a gal, and Ann is spending the summer with her fiancee in Europe, checking out venues for a wedding

Ryuji: why don't you ask Makoto? She's single, and your roommate. It'd be way less awkward than asking anyone else

Haru, not willing to admit the "Friends with Benefits" thing: ...do I really have no other option??

Ann: there's Futaba-

Haru: ugh. I'll ask Mako-chan,

Makoto keeps panic calling Joker or Yusuke after things on the trip like: DOES THIS MEAN SHE LIKES ME??? DO I LIKE HARU?? SEND AN AMBULANCE SHE KISSED ME AND IT FELT REAL I THINK IM DYING

At one point Goro picks up and just growls at her to "woman up, go the hell to sleep, or die. Whichever I don't care stop calling my boyfriend at 2 am"

No weird jealousy plot either just. Them realizing on their own

Like. The way Haru asks, too

She comes home, finds Makoto cooking and humming, a box from the campus bakery on the table, and Haru knows her roommate picked up her favourites, probably just because she *noticed* how off she's been, and. She knows Ryuji is right. Makoto is the best choice to help her with this fuck up,

She walks up behind her, wraps her arms around her hips, grunts in a way that's nearly a whine, plants her head between those strong shoulder blades

"Hey, welcome home, Haru. How was your day? You had your advanced statistics class today, right?"

"Mm. Mako-chan, I, have to ask for your help."

"What's up? Oh, is it that time? I can get the hot water bottle, run out to get more pain meds for you-"

"I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend."

...

...

"Huh? Haru, what-"

"My cousin is getting married. And, I may have lied to my grandparents, about dating someone, so they wouldn't try to set me up with someone. And, they want to meet her. The tickets and hotel are paid for already, just, I don't want to have to tell them I lied,,"

"Well, I wasn't planning to go anywhere but visit my sister, so I'm free for it."

"What."

"Yeah, tell me the details after dinner? The ramen is nearly done."

Makoto is secretly having a mini panic attack inside

She texts Yusuke later like "I CANT SAY MUCH BUT GOD IM GAY"

And Yusuke just texts back a photo a counter on his wall that reads "Makoto says she's gay; 1026"

The wedding is in Okinawa, where the bride is from, so they have to bring bathing suits for the beach, and, Haru does ask Makoto to help her pick which one to bring

Makoto sits there, face red, hands digging into her knees as Haru makes comments about one of them maybe making her look more chubby, maybe she should stick to a one piece-

Makoto: you're gorgeous. Every part of you. If you like how it looks on you, screw what anyone says

Haru: ...but. do you like it?

(Reminder. They are "Just Friends")

Makoto coughs a bit, looks away: y-yeah. I like it,

Haru: ...LETS PRACTICE KISSING

Makoto: R-RIGHT

Makoto *was* wearing her bathing suit top and swim shorts. Haru did get a chance to admire her muscular thighs in the shorts. She's a sucker for how muscular her roommate is

Just. When they get home and have to tell all their friends they're dating now and

Morgana, Joker's little brother, age 16: YOU WERENT TOGETHER???

Just. Man. How they were just naturally domestic from the start, and how naturally being affectionate comes to both of them, but differently than with their other friends, and

Makoto: hey, since we're "dating", does that mean I have to tell you I've slept with Ann?

Haru: you WHAT

Makoto: it was over a year ago! And Shiho knew and agreed to it!

Haru: you SLEPT WITH ANN TOO?!

Makoto: TOO?!

and they both laugh, cause they've known this, it's a bit they do, and Haru nestles back under Makoto's chin, and they go back to snuggling. They're in Makoto's bed in their apartment. It's later the night Haru asked, and, okay yeah they maybe did *it* again, but. Things feel weirdly right between them as they lie there together, softly talking out the details of the plan

Like. There's a reason so many people already thought they were dating, and why it sells so perfectly to Haru's family

I'm attached to this already dear lord

[34saveme34]

MG AU ep 5 Remembrance

YAY !! GAY SHIT AGAIN !!! lowkey, way more lowkey than last time. ep 6 will (finally) introduce probably several new characters so that one will be very fun I think. I'm thinking it'll probably be Ann (my oc, if yall forgot they exist which I'd get, I rarely draw my ocs), Melony and Vivian (Yeah I'm making yall wait on Min but I prommy she's SO worth the 8 billion year wait time)

anyways. words like 6.6k

---

It was dark. Dark and cold. And by god, was it all so blue and vision was weird too…. the sounds… water.. the ocean?

Looking around seeing unfamiliar things in unfamiliar ways. Panic settled in, not making the situation better. Panic. Movement. Moving hands that are not yours. The water was silent no more, bent to the will of the hands that didn’t feel like hands at all. 

“Hey!!!” a small voice sounded through the flurry of underwater anxiety.

“Hey!!” the voice came again “I get why you might be feeling this way but you’ll be okay! I promise”

The flurry stopped but not the one inside the heart. That one was still loud, tearing apart the soul that was just trying to not make a big deal out of it. 

“Alright… I promise you, this is something temporary and something I will help you control, worrying is understandable but you’re not alone anymore. You were chosen, you are special. You are cosmic”

Cosmic.

Cosmic.

Cosmic.

The word rang in her ear or whatever was there to hear. It cleared her mind.

“There we go, Meggy, was it? You’re gonna get the hang of this super fast” she could now see the source of the voice, a neon green fish with a silly smile. It was so tiny compared to her. As she observed her surroundings, maybe it was her that was big instead. 

“Who… huh?” she asked but was immediately taken aback by her voice.

“I’m Boopkins, I’m here to help! I’m glad I could manage to make you calm down, you were causing quite the current eheh” he laughed awkwardly. 

“Mmmh… How… did this happen?”

“The necklace that found you! It was what finally got you here. And I’m so glad to greet another holder!”

“Another?” 

“Yeah, you were the one chosen and I must say I’m impressed with you already!! I only felt scared in the first few moments!”

She chuckled.

“And what was I chosen for?”

“To keep peace. Like the meme guardians you’ve met!”

“The…Them! 3 and 4!”

“I assume those are your friends?”

“I hope so… I hope I didn’t ruin anything with them… how… how long had it been since?”

“You’ve been here for a bit” Boopkins cowered, embracing for what might come.

“Damn it… I hope I didn’t miss too much school”

“I think your absence will be harder to explain. You shouldn’t tell anyone- ANYONE unless you know you can trust them. Your necklace getting stolen could even possibly be fatal!”

“Well uh” she was a bit more worried “As a sort of scientist I’m always about safety first! I promise I’ll…try”

“Mhmm! I believe in you, Meggy!” Boopkins smiled, though slowly seemingly fading away.

“Huh- where are you uh- going?”

“I did what I needed to, I will be back when you need me to be” 

And then bright, was it so utterly bright. 

She opened her eyes. She adjusted, seeing she was by the beach. It was about midday, with nobody around. She was only in her pajamas, a sweater-esque light orange top with the trousers to match. And she was entirely soaked. And BOY, was it cold. She shivered as she got up, looking around with nobody in sight. She sighed, guess she had to walk home alone. And cold. It was colder than it used to be, just how long was she out?

As she walked she heard what sounded like the sound of an engine. On… the beach? 

She turned towards the sound, immediately covering her eyes over the bright trail it was leaving. But just as quickly, it arrived next to her.

It was a person on a motorcycle as she observed but something was…. familiar about that look. Has she seen this person before? Maybe on the news? They had a white and yellow motorcycle and an outfit to match, their face not visible through the helmet. And they had a hand extended towards Meggy.

Wait! Now she knew. This right here was the Prince of Light, as she has heard of him on the news. A vigilante who always seems to appear at the right time at the right place. 

“Will you take me home?” she asked him. He nodded.

Knowing the nature of him, she didn’t ask any further. In fact as she got on, it felt like they… resonated in a sense? Weird how that works.

It was a mainly calm ride home, even if Meggy’s mind was hazy. This whole thing about being chosen feeling so correct was stumping her even more. She never thought she would end up this way. Is that why she was always so drawn to the beach? As far as she remembered, she always loved to go down and look through the beach if she’d find any trinkets. Sure she liked other things too, like a normal person but that part felt different. 

They arrived. The Prince of Light waved Meggy goodbye after she got off. 

Before she would even be able to open the door, a very worried Tari opened it and tackled her. She couldn’t even speak. As she calmed down, she could hear Tari crying.

Tari slowly calmed down and released Meggy from her grip.

“I’m so glad you’re okay! I thought you were a goner!!” 

“I…. me too… how long has it been?”

“About… 2 weeks? I… your family even submitted a missing person report. Nobody could find you anywhere… and now you show up just like this?”

“I’ll tell you about it later but… can I change? I’m gonna catch a cold at this rate”

They went inside. Meggy went to her room to change, while Tari grabbed Meggy’s phone to alert her friends about her sudden come back and how she seemed fine. She would use her own phone- if she had one. It was really difficult to sneak in things like that, she wondered how a certain friend of hers even did so. He wasn’t exactly perfect at the challenges yet seemed to have a prowess when it comes to getting the things he wanted. Or was it that he just really really liked phones specifically? 

Meggy came back. Just at the right time as 3 messaged them back.

He seemed to want to see them as soon as possible. They agreed on a time.

It was a still sunny, although cold afternoon, still on the same day Meggy was found. Everyone was glad she was back, she said to people that even she wasn’t sure what happened. Lying that this was just supposed to be about her exploring something she found on the beach and she didn’t expect to end up like this. Leaving enough mystery to drive people crazy, but not enough to give them everything to figure it out. 

However, with 3 and 4, she had way more to say.

They decided to invite 3 and 4 to Meggy’s house. Tari was confused at first but Meggy assured her this was necessary. She would know why in due time anyways.

“So, what happened?” 4 asked cautiously, 3 sitting beside him with arms crossed. Neither fully comfortable, even though the place was pretty cozy. They were in the living room with a few rather large windows through which some good natural light came through, with no light on yet, it painted quite a pretty picture. The room was mainly beige but had some tasteful pop of colour here and there. It was enough variety that it didn’t have the ability to look like a certain tiktok mom’s nursery. 

“I… don’t remember everything but… I feel some things are… clearer now”

“Clearer?” 4 looked somehow more concerned.

“You both are meme guardians, aren’t you?”

Even 3 was caught off guard, looking rather surprised.

“Meme guardians? What are those?” Tari asked.

“Well- they’re here to keep peace, like me apparently” she scratched her neck awkwardly.

“Wh-What??” 3 looked at her as if she had 2 heads.

“MAKES SO MUCH SENSE” 4 said as he whipped his phone out “That’s something I have to share with SMG1, he’ll be overjoyed to learn that one of our theories was correct!”

“Oh, right, you 2 have been talking about that” 3 replied calmly.

“Who?” Meggy was once again caught curious.

“He’s a meme guardian too, just- from a different, faraway place as far as we know” 3 said as if this was normal, everyday information.

“Can I uh-”

Just then 4 went out excited after he dialed 1.

A few moments of silence passed. 3 sighed.

“What would you like to know?” 

“Everything? I… can I? Is it fine this time? I’m sorry for what happened last time… I definitely overstepped your boundaries…”

“Others have done worse. 4 almost got beaten up a few times in the past few weeks, we’ve actually been going out to work out sometimes so he can protect himself better. We invited Tari once too”

“It was fun, yeah. Especially since you weren’t here it was… lonely here”

Meggy looked at Tari sad.

“I wish destiny didn’t pull me away from you like that. I’ll try my best to be here for you! Wait, say, have you kept everything oiled up and running?” 

Now it was Tari’s time to be nervous.

“Ah uhm-” she stuttered.

Meggy kept a smile but her eyes had intent in them, a force of nature that would never let that pass.

“We’ll be back in a bit, 3” Meggy said then pulled Tari up from where she was sitting, with more strength than what Meggy would usually be capable of.

And they were gone. 3 was now alone. And with that some thoughts louder in his head. He thought this wouldn’t come up again and yet it would always come up for the anniversary. The tears, the regret, how he looked at him when it happened, everything becomes clear in his head as soon as this time resurfaces. Just as darkness was about to engulf his mind, a certain egg rolled out from his pocket, then turned into his beloved little guy, immediately looking sad and cuddling up to him.

He panicked because he felt tears in his eyes, they could be back any moment, anyone could be. 

He kept it all back, focusing on petting his eggy boy instead. The little guy actually had pretty nice, soft fur despite looking like an egg so it was pretty soothing. He didn’t like to admit it but it was this damn dog that saw the most tears from him. At first it was scary but it’s not like… he had to talk about it. It would be fine like any other time! Just. Try not to think about it. Try not to think about it. It will be easy. It was absolutely getting easier with each year passing!

He slowly calmed himself down, enough that when 4 was back, the first from the group, he looked like he wasn’t even having any problems! 100% mentally healthy.

4 sat down beside him.

“SMG1 wants to see her too” 

“I can get why… Especially since she’s new to this too. At least she’s not alone”

“Yeah… this stuff was hard when alone… though, don’t you find it weird that… this happened so- late in her life?”

“Oh?”

“Like I- I’ve had this USB since- well I don’t remember a time without it”

3 looked down, thinking.

“Yeah, same”

4 stared at 3 as if he had the answers. 3 knew he was doing that, at this point he was starting to get used to 4’s weird habits but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t crack a joke about it.

“Am I that pretty?” he smiled smugly, clearly playing.

4 snapped out of it, at first flustered.

“I was just thinking hard, you know it! Not that you’re like, ugly or anything though” 4 laughed awkwardly by the end. What a loser. 

A moment of silence, not an awkward one at least. Just 4 processing.

“Say, where’s Meggy and Tari?”

“Apparently, Tari hasn’t been taking care of her parts as she should’ve. She must be getting a scolding right now”

“Must be hard being a cyborg”

“Yeah… like… she’s VERY heavy from it, giving those basically killer hugs too”

“I mean, hugs are best when they’re as tight as they can be” 4 said, with a stupid grin on his face. Now HE’S playing.

“Not when they crush my spine! I don’t wanna hear that thing making any kinda fucking noise from a single damn hug, alright?”

“He doesn’t even know the value of crunchy hugs”

3 blinked, unsure how to react.

“Don’t make me feel old, I’m literally the same age as you, what the fuck does that mean? What- What value?” 3 played along. Allergic to not keeping the bit going.

“If it hurts you know it’s real and true”

“Well if I yank on your hair that also hurts, does it mean that’s also real and true?”

“Why would you wanna yank on my hair?”

“Why not?”

4 dramatically tilted his head at 3. 3 chuckled at the gesture.

Just then the girls came back, Tari looked like a sad puppy.

“All done!” Meggy said.

“Did she scold you lots?” 4 asked Tari.

“I guess it was deserved” she looked down.

“Tari” Meggy folded her arms “That was never what I said. You have top tech right on your body, you have to take care of it”

“Say, Meggy!” 4 started, which had all the others looking at him, something he didn’t get used to it just yet “SMG1 would like to see you. Tari can come too honestly”

“Oh, really now?”

“Yeah, maybe… you’ll learn more about your situation, isn’t that tempting”

“When?”

“As soon as you want”

“Now?”

“Damn, this girl is OUT for knowledge” 3 chuckled.

4 shot him a quick glance, a look that would roughly translate to ‘why would you say it like that’.

And so they went to meet up. Despite how cold it had been, due to the comfort of the beach having no one else to listen in on them, they chose that. 

3, 4, Tari and Meggy had been there for a while.

“Are… they late?” 4 asked as he checked his phone once more. Despite having given a phone to 1 and 2, it didn’t always make reaching them perfect.

Just then the two of them jumped right by them, in their guardian forms. 4 still had to get used to how some alien traits would show up even with their human disguises. It wasn’t disturbing, he was just very in awe about it, like a silly little nerd.

“Sorry for arriving so late, we couldn’t find Saiko so we had to use other means to get here”

“Lately she’s been more destructive…” 2 admitted, even he could see it wasn’t a good thing.

“I hope you guys can work out something…. we can only hide so much evidence” 3 shook his head. Meggy and Tari looked at him very concerned.

“She was- never the easiest to- keep at bay. From her- uh… conception, she’s been lashing out… yeah” 1 said, somehow something about his voice missing his usual matter of fact confidence. Having weird stops in his speech, as he had think hard on how he wanted to phrase himself. What reason would he have for that? 4 had been thinking that for a while now as he noticed when it came to this specific topic…. he became rather uneasy. Maybe since Meggy was now in… she could become someone he’d talk about this to. 3 told him off for it before and god… 3 could stand to be more nosy sometimes.

“Let’s not talk about that!” 2 exclaimed, maybe a bit too excited “We’re here because of the sea dweller girl”

“Interesting way to refer to me but I’d rather be called Meggy”

“So, would you mind telling about what you experienced?”

“Well… I actually don’t remember the weeks that passed I- only remember waking up and this little- fish guy talking to me…? Do I sound stupid right now?”

“No!” 4 and 1 replied with the same type of fervor, both clearly seriously listening to her.

“Okay- So…  The little fish guy basically helped me calm down considering…. I wasn’t what I’d usually be like…. like, non human and stuff… And I… remember one word really snapping me back to reality being cosmic”

“Cosmic! That word again!” 4 clenched his fists, having a really determined look “It seems this ‘cosmic’ connects to a LOT of things, doesn’t it?”

“Oh, you don’t even know how much, SMG4, there’s something you haven’t seen yet, though it’s not the easiest to bring out. But when you have perfect teamwork and the right direction for all your motivations lining up- you’ll know when you feel it”

4 blinked.

“Wh-WHAT!? I thought we were alright?”

“It needs so much more than alright”

4 pouted.

“I want to be cool like that” 4 said under his breath but 3 was fortunate enough to hear him.

“You could start that with maybe a we” he teased 4.

“Not wrong” 2 said.

“I feel like I missed a lot” Meggy said.

“SMG4 is just hung up over still learning new things about something he was from since he could remember his life”

“Since he could remember?” Meggy looked confused “Huh well that’s… Because I didn’t so… but the cosmic thing… that’s something you guys have going on too?”

“Indeed we do so- that’s why I’m confused. Especially as I learned you were in pain before you disappeared. Even I didn’t have that, I’ve had my USB since I could remember too”

“Oh also I was advised to not lose my necklace because it’s- tied to me now as far as I know. I don’t know what that exactly entails and I- don’t want to test that…. no matter how curious I am… I can’t- do that to myself” Meggy was having a hard time to decide whether science or her well being should be more important.

“No testing, you could die” Tari said rather firmly, which caught Meggy off guard “And you’re not going away anytime soon- at least not while I’m here, please?”

“I- well….. sure, I get why you would say that, it makes sense, I shouldn’t… learn more about this-”

“She could be easily right” 1 said after pondering for a bit.

“What?”

“You could die if you lost it”

“Well, that’s just grim” 3 added, even he couldn’t make a smug remark. Nothing funny about dying from something like this.

“Yeah” 4 looked down “I once left it at home on accident, I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if I was like you”

“Gee, I didn’t actually die! I’m right here” Meggy tried to cheer people up around her. Tari hugged her in response. Something about her hug didn’t feel as bone crushing this time, Meggy wasn’t sure if Tari was being soft or if it was something wrong with her. 

“Well, since you’re different, I wonder if you can transform too?” 1 hypothesised. 

“Transform? I don’t… know… I don’t know how I would?”

“Yeah!” 4 said excited, quickly transforming himself “It’s this easy for me”

3 looked at him with a knowing look.

“Weakest show off attempt” 1 dropped the ultimate nuclear bomb on 4, leaving him devastated. And he was VERY devastated.

“I mean, I think it’s cool?” Meggy shrugged, thought that didn’t make 4 feel any better, lowering down into a comically dramatic sad position as he let himself transform back. 3 pat him on the back.

“Maybe we can figure out how to do it for you too. Right now- I don’t exactly have too much time, we still need to find Saiko” 1 said.

“I understand” Meggy said, although she was godawfully curious about more.

And so they left, now only Tari, Meggy, 3 and 4 remained.

“That was so much” Tari sighed “so much information”

“Never enough for me” Meggy smiled.

“I get that feeling, I’ve felt that way since I’ve become a meme guardian. Just a strong urge to always figure things out.”

“You get it”

4 and Meggy shared kinship in their thirst for knowledge while 3 and Tari shared a look. Both were tired over this. They’ve already had enough going on, now they had to listen to people trying to figure shit out around them. 

After hanging out for a bit, they all went back to their respective homes.

The bus ride for 3 and 4 were relatively calm. 4 noted that 3 was quieter than usual. He wanted to disturb the silence but he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if he even had the right to really. And he was scared to confront 3 on stuff so… All he could do was wait, though something told him it wouldn’t be the greatest thing for them.

They got back to dorms. Even in their room, 3 was still rather quiet, with Eggdog being cuddled up to him. 4 couldn’t pay attention to video editing at all. His eyes drifting to 3. But he wasn’t sure what to say. If he even had anything to say. If he had the right to say anything. 

And so the night passed, they both went to sleep too, just like that. 

And so the weekend came up once more. An ordinary Saturday, landing on November 26th. Unusually cool. Unusually lonely.

4 got up, seeing 3 wasn’t in. It was, as he looked at the time, 8 in the morning. He didn’t remember 3 to be the type to leave early… He also didn’t talk about going anywhere. Eggdog was still home too, seemingly snoring on 3’s bed. Honestly, he found the lil guy adorable too and understood why 3 wanted to keep him. 

4 laid in for a bit, just thinking over the days. Things with Meggy seemed calmer as he recently messaged her about the whole thing with Saiko and kind of explaining as much stuff to her as he knew. Which he still felt like wasn’t enough, he wanted to know more. Especially about this famed ‘transformation’ that’s only possible to achieve if you manage to do 3 things. Have a deep connection with your partner, manage to have full trust in each other and are in sync. It was… still quite a bit early for them to have a connection like that. he would lie if he said he didn’t fantasize about a perfect world where he could have that without effort. A 3 that would without hesitation believe him when he said that he wants the best for him and would be even… able to protect him if he needed that. He resented being the one always needing protection, wondering if 3 was just made different and he didn’t need something like that. Then again he knew that 3 wasn’t just a cold, tough as steel man, he had a soft side. He liked that about him a lot and 4 really hoped that 3 realised that and he didn’t need to say it because he’d feel really weird about just… saying it to him, just like that. Being direct wasn’t his favourite activity afterall. What would it do for 3 anyways? 4 felt like 3 knew he was appreciated but something in him just didn’t find that quite right. Maybe it was his usual fears interfering, he always had anxieties that made him feel like he was going in circles. Yet he couldn’t help but stare where 3 would be, wondering where he went.

He checked his phone once more and 3 didn’t send anything to him. In fact, he hadn’t been online for a while now. Just when did he leave? He got up and decided to distract himself with finally getting back to a video he had been meaning to work on. He didn’t do much in a while, with how much recently happened. Feeling so tired from everything, he wasn’t able to put in the work he would usually be able to.

“Hey! You’re back” Puzzles popped up, the last part of his words sounding less energetic than usual.

“Hey, can you bring up the last video I was working on?”

“Sure thing” 

He got into editing.

“Do you need anything?” Puzzles asked, though cautious.

“Not really”

“Understood” Puzzles tried to fake confidence in his words but it sounded more hollow. To 4’s surprise Puzzles disappeared off his screen, and as he discovered decided to run in the background, something he had never done before. It snapped him out of his 3 centered thoughts for a bit. This was still his sort of friend. 

“You can still watch if you want, I don’t mind company. 3 seems to be out anyways”

Puzzles popped back up.

“He is? I guess that means he can’t make you busy now!” Puzzles seemed to regain the needed hope to stay. It was always really calming to watch 4 click around and move things around, how he trimmed each clip, how he added each element, how he decided to go through with some of his ideas. Though they themself could never do something like this. They were always enamoured by 4’s expertise and creativity, even from the beginning. He just really seemed to have the mind for this kind of thing. They wondered if the other guardians had such qualities about them, despite never meeting them. Yep, they didn’t meet either guardians yet. Yes, they can travel between devices but it IS energy consuming and they can’t go to just any system. It has to be able to run them and also have ran their program at least once, otherwise it wasn’t the part of their system. They wanted to say something about this to 4 but it seemed he always got busy with other stuff before they could say anything.

“Say, SMG4…” they started.

4 seemed to be in a daze as he didn’t immediately reply.

“... Oh? Sorry I just… got a really bad feeling… not the usual kind at that” 

“Are you sure it’s not just your usual anxiety?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure, I can tell them apart. What did you want?”

“Oh just… just…” words seemed to fail them. Did they have any right to actually ask? They were still nothing more than a program. Close to good for nothing. “Nevermind”

And then things just passed by for them as 4 continued but then stopped again, got up, paced around then abruptly left. they weren’t even surprised… Well, maybe it was time for them to create something. Not in the same way 4 would but something… very different.

4 left through the entrance, something unusual as he would usually leave through their dorm window transformed, though he was counting on not needing that this time.

He walked around for a bit, thinking where 3 could possibly be. He actually didn’t know the city as well so he didn’t have too many ideas. With how he left, 3 possibly could’ve left somewhere he didn’t even know. He sat down on a bench, sadly thinking about what to do. But even then, that deep feeling that something was wrong wouldn’t leave him. He could feel it, it felt like as if his psyche was dipped in dread, as stupid as that sounds. And the dread felt like 3. And 4 wasn’t okay with that at all.

As he thought hard, he was pulled out of his thoughts by Eggdog appearing in front of him with a sad look.

“Hey, buddy, you… can tell he’s not doing well as well right?” Eggdog seemed to nod.

“Do you- Do you have any idea where he could be?”

Eggdog thought for a bit then sniffed into the air. He knew his owner’s scent pretty well at this point, not even needing anything else to track him. He started going, 4 followed after.

They walked for a while, Eggdog stopped to rest. So did 4. 

“Maybe I could… cheese our way there…” 4 said, grabbing his USB”

Eggdog gave him a small affirmative nod. 

4 quickly hid away then grabbed Eggdog after he transformed. Despite not understanding him, with paying enough attention to Eggdog, 4 could tell where to go. Though it would definitely be easier if he could speak.

They arrived to what appeared to be a dump of sorts, specifically for used cars that are way past their prime, corroded and forgotten. They walked around, trying to find where exactly 3 could be. Just as he took a step, he heard a slight rustle. He immediately grabbed Eggdog, not taking any chances. And it was a good thing he didn’t, because a huge part fell down from the pile and with his guardian swiftfness and reaction time, he could dodge it without being hurt from it. It seemed whoever was managing this place was doing a shitty job. What was 3 doing around here anyways? If he really was here.

Regardless, he continued on, though more scared now, listening in to every little fickle of a noise, he wasn’t even sure if he was hearing something or if his mind was starting to play tricks on him just to freak him out. And the danger of the place made him hesitate about transforming back. It gave him way more security.

Just then he spotted him, from the back, he was sitting on top of a building, based on how it looked it was probably the place from where big machinery would be used to crush the forgotten beasts of the road. Though based on how the place looked, 4 wasn’t sure if this place was abandoned or not, seeing weed around the place and the weird placing of stuff, as if people had been here for not so ethical reasons, and then leaving the place in this state. He couldn’t see his face but something felt off about his posture. He was always so ready for action so seeing him like this felt a little weird. So still, with a vibe 4 didn’t witness before from 3.

He started walking towards him, unsure how he should approach 3. Is it even okay he came after? Maybe he shouldn’t have… Oh god, 3 is gonna think he’s the clingiest, most annoying friend ever… He’ll never hear the end of it. Or maybe he would and then 3 would leave him… He REALLY shouldn’t be this attached but it wasn’t something he could help. And he felt stupid for that. So he just stood there, wondering if 3 could tell someone was looking at him. But he seemed to either not notice or he didn’t want to look his way. Yet that feeling in him remained, something was wrong and it hurt more now. He finally mustered up jumping up beside 3, though at first just standing beside him, unsure if it would be even okay for him to sit beside 3. Now he had a clearer view of 3’s face. And the frown on his face only made it more apparent just how bad this is. 

4 took a deep breath. He wasn’t here because it was easy.

“Hey,3” 4 said carefully, still not daring to even try and be rude, he was honestly scared that even his presence was the embodiment of rude there “I… had a bad feeling”

3 only shot him a glance before looking away from 4. Though he didn’t do anything else.

4 finally detransformed, putting Eggdog down as well as he sat down beside 3. 

“You left pretty early too, it’s… unlike of you…. maybe I’m a freak for noticing that, I don’t know, you can call me whatever you want but know I’m still- I’m still worried about you regardless”

3 sighed.

“I wanted to come alone. This is a habit of mine… I guess I forgot to mention or some shit…”

“And you just feel like shit for unrelated reasons?”

3 shot him a glance, which was angrier than before. 

“I’m not gonna talk about it, it’s not worth it- in fact it was never fucking worth it! I don’t even know why I’m here??” his voice broke. He knew EXACTLY why he was here. 4 didn’t but he still realised there was a reason. 

“I… didn’t say you need to talk about it… Just…”

“Either way I’d talk about it and I really don’t want t-” That was when 3 noticed Eggdog there and stopped. He stared, which puzzles even Eggdog. 

“I’m…. not thinking about it… I’m not.. I’m not…” 3 turned away from both of them, seemingly speaking to himself.

4 sat there, unsure how to go on. He wasn’t good at this at all. But he needed to be. He just needed a push of sorts.

And so, a push was heard when he realised his friend, who he could count on almost out of nowhere, his guardian partner who helped him to keep his spirits up was crying. He wasn’t good at making decisions so without thinking about it, he hugged 3. 3 didn’t hug back but didn’t push him away either. Eggdog tried his best joining, leaning against 3. Eggy might be smart but he was no psychologist either. 

They stayed like that for a while. 3 slowly managed to calm down. And yet he still felt distant, despite the closeness. And so 4 let go, trying to think what else he could say. He still had a chance afterall.

“3, I don’t know what’s wrong but… you helped me too so in a way, I guess I feel indebted to you, I wanna be there for you… if you let me”

3 sighed.

“That’s what they all say….” 3 said.

“...Who?”

“Failed relationships. They listen and… and then they think it’s solved… Like I’m some kind of puzzle needing to be solved or some shit… It’s so stupid too- I’d think I found love but they only want my body and attitude, not who… not who I am… fucking ridiculous”

“I mean I… get it… I’m… honestly still a little scared of your ex friends… I guess I know- how it feels in like- not exactly but like… you know…. just similar of sorts I don’t know what I’m saying”

“Wouldn’t it be exhausting?” 3 looked at him, gazed into his eyes and projected so much sadness, 4’s stomach turned. 

4 didn’t know how to reply just blinking in surprise.

“Like… wouldn’t it be tiring to listen to the same thing each time it bothers me… I’ve heard that before…”

“Something I can relate to” 4 said “3 I… I can’t promise that I’ll like- do something out of this world to change you or something I’m… not nearly so capable but yeah I’ll… listen whenever you need… Because I want to. You’re my friend and because of that you should be able to count on me”

3 looked like he was hesitating. 

“How can I believe you?”

“I… I guess you just have to trust me? If you can… am I trustworthy?” 4 said the last part to himself but not hushed enough for 3 to not hear it.

3 chuckled.

“You’re… Well, best I can do is try so… this… dump of sorts we’re at I… I used to come here when I was smaller. Especially with my best friend at the time….who… was a meme… actually had been for a while- parents at home treated him like a pet but he was so much more… I actually feel similar with Eggdog” he pat the little guy on the head “So when I saw him here it… brought back some…. bad memories”

“What meme was he?”

“One of those weird versions of Knuckles, he was very silly and smart but… also reckless…. And… I was actually here with someone else when it happened. He was being too reckless in places where he shouldn’t have been and… got crushed under the weight…. I didn’t have the heart to check… for a while I actually felt like it was nightmare and it didn’t happen but.. of course it wasn’t! … and the worst part is this very person I was there with had such- an awkward reaction… I mean of course this person wouldn’t care the same way I do but… fuck, it hurts especially stuff that happened after… Which was also my fault too I guess but of course we ended up breaking things off when it came to… I just… wasn’t present enough or something like that…. But THIS person also wanted me to be better so badly but like… without actually fucking helping…. I don’t even know, I just wish I could get over it at this point but each time the anniversary of it comes up I just lose it and… that’s why I came here. It’s today”

“... Did you ever just- let yourself feel it without shame?”

3 looked at 4 confused then realised.

“Dude… that’s just…”

“I mean… you’ve lost an important friend then. And I get you, I still sometimes check if my sister messaged me again or not. Despite it being so long ago at this point. Years at this point”

“But… god I don’t know, I just feel stupid lame for moping around about something that happened back then, I… think I was 17 at the time, though time really blurs together after the accident”

“Loss will do that to you I think… Did you… ever have any sort of ceremony?”

“Ceremony?”

“Like a funeral of sorts”

“I was too drained to do anything besides go to school if I’m real…”

“Then maybe we could do something about it! I know many people felt better after honouring their dead loved ones… like a sort of formal farewell… but that’s just something I’ve heard within family so you can call my idea stupid if you want to, like I know we obviously can’t make it ultra prestigious, that would require a lot of money and like- who would we even invite, if you’d want that and-”

“It’s… really not that bad of an idea, 4” 3 finally smiled after all that was said. It was weird to be cared about like this, 4 was gonna be the end of him. And so he pulled 4 into a hug himself.

“Thanks, 4…It’s good I’ve got you”

4 took the words with stride although inside he felt like his mind was melting. Those were words he thought he’d only hear in his most depraved thoughts where 3 would think that he’s the best person to ever help him but noooo that was reality and that infinitely flustered him. Because he definitely wasn’t dreaming this up, 3’s arms around him very much felt real.

Eggdog cuddling up to the both of them also felt real. Maybe his fantasies weren’t as far-fetched as he thought… Really crazy of him to think that after having cuddled with 3 more than once.

“Alright, I think we should get back at this point” 4 said, pulling out of the hug”

“Yeah, agreed, maybe I could finally… help you out on something. I didn’t forget about offering help for your videos”

4’s eyes lit up in a way that 3 knew that he would have some fun today at least.

[ilikethisacompletelynormalamount]

Since Andrew is taking some well deserved time away from the public at the moment, let's revisit (or visit for the first time, if you're new here) this stunning photoshoot from Mr. Porter, October 2019, when he was doing press for Modern Love and his Ripley casting had just been announced (yes, it's taken that long for it to come out).

Mr Andrew Scott’s big brown eyes are open wide in amused disbelief. “That was not an Irish accent,” he says in his musical Irish brogue. “That was a West Country accent.” How embarrassing for an interviewer who thought to connect with her subject by lightly mocking Mr Ed Sheeran’s ­– again – not-Irish accent in his cameo in Mr Scott’s episode of Amazon’s upcoming anthology series, Modern Love. Panic sets in. “It’s all right,” he says, soothingly. “It’s all right. Accents are such funny things.”

You know what else is a funny thing? Sitting with Fleabag’s “hot priest” – 2019’s most unexpected sex symbol – in a wine bar in Bermondsey, southeast London, talking about vulnerability, romcoms and love stories. Or, to take another angle: sitting across the table from the deranged Jim Moriarty and letting him pick out a rosé. That tickles, too. Having Hamlet express the need for a mini-break in, he doesn’t know, Copenhagen? Amsterdam, maybe? Surreal.

But actually, Mr Scott, who is wearing what can only be described as a modified sweatsuit (shorts and a zip-up sweatshirt, no shirt beneath) after our photoshoot isn’t funny funny. No, Mr Scott is serious: reserved and contemplative, but with the energy of a theatre nerd who, every once in a while, rests his head in his hands, cupping his fingers around his eyes to form blinkers while he thinks about a question you’ve just asked. In this quiet wine bar. He’s not an evil murderer, an agent of a shadowy organisation, or an overly excited (wink) cleric. He’s just a nice guy who sympathises about the difficulty of parsing the subtleties of the many accents in the British Commonwealth (and beyond).

Mr Scott is still hot off his run in Fleabag, even though the show ran from March to April of this year. A few weeks ago, he received a GQ Men of the Year Award, and just a few weeks after that, was in Los Angeles at the Emmy Awards where Fleabag cleaned up, winning three awards.

Of course, this is not Mr Scott’s big break. He’s been in the business since moving from Dublin to London 20 years ago to pursue acting. His dad worked in employment, helping young people find the right careers and his mother was an art teacher. “They were definitely into following your passion and doing that for the rest of your life,” he says. “Rather than, ‘You should be a lawyer,’ or whatever the fuck.”

And this has been a year for Mr Scott’s passions. Aside from Fleabag, and an episode of Black Mirror that landed on Netflix this June, he’s making a poignant appearance in the aforementioned _Modern Love,_­ which will drop all at once on 18 October. A series of discreet episodes, each one features its own starry cast (Mr Dev Patel, Mr John Slattery, Ms Tina Fey, Ms Anne Hathaway and, of course, Mr Ed Sheeran, among others), based on the much-loved New York Times column from which it takes its name. Mr Scott’s episode, which co-stars Ms Olivia Cooke and Mr Brandon Kyle Goodman, is loosely based on an early column written by the sex-and-relationships writer Mr Dan Savage about the unusual experience he and his partner had with adoption. “It’s just a really sweet little story. It’s not about a romantic relationship,” he says, (many Modern Love entries are not). “It’s simply about the relationships between people.”

He’s also currently filming in Cardiff for the BBC TV series of His Dark Materials. And maybe there’s a Marvel movie in his future? “Oh, fuck. Completely false,” he says. “Someone said, ‘Are you going to be in a thing?’ I said, ‘No,’ and I said, ‘There have been discussions.’ And it’s like ‘Andrew Scott has been in discussions.’”

That’s what happens when suddenly everyone wants you – to use Twitter parlance – to run them over with your car. The Priest, unlike his other characters, was a sex symbol, one that wears the hell (forgive me, Father) out of a cassock. But who could be surprised that Mr Scott turned a priest into the “Hot Priest” simply by saying “kneel”? (If you don’t know what that means, stop reading now, watch the show, come back.) In fact, he has been making words positively drip with meaning for nearly a decade.

Consider Moriarty, the insane criminal puppet master Mr Scott played for six years across four seasons of the BBC’s Sherlock, opposite Mr Benedict Cumberbatch in the titular role. This particular Moriarty – Holmes’ famous nemesis, who has also been played by Messrs Orson Welles, John Huston and Sir Laurence Olivier – is indelible and utterly idiosyncratic. “If you’re going to do it, I don’t see there’s any point in doing it without putting your own stamp on it. I never look at any previous incarnations,” says Mr Scott. The result of this thinking – in Sherlock, at least – was a Moriarty who is all sing-song eeriness, molten physicality, and questionable cutaway collars. “He was quite theatrical; he was grotesque, sort of the archetypal villain,” he says. Archetypal, indeed: the role propelled him into the world of maniacal superfandom. He might not have received a dedicated stan nomenclature like his co-star (ahem, “Cumberbitches”), but the role made Mr Scott a household name.

Of course, establishing yourself as adept at playing evil incarnate probably leads to people wanting to cast you in more Moriarty-like roles. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yep, yeah,” he says, six times. “Yeah, exactly right,” (one more). “I turned down a lot. The shadow of that character took over for a little while.”  The craze got to be so tiresome that he asked the interviewer for a recent profile in The Guardian not to ask him about Moriarty at all (two years after he last appeared in the series). But now he sees a bigger picture, understands how being the object of abject obsession can be a good thing. “I think to answer your questions,” he says, tapping his fingers on the table, “it’s been really good fun.”

Mr Scott demurs when asked what it’s like to be the quencher of many thirsts on the internet. “People don’t say that to me. People don’t say, ‘Oh my God...” He shakes his head and trails off, perhaps in horror of what fans could be saying to him. It’s a little hard to believe that he wouldn’t be mobbed as he walks down the street. After all, one major British publication declared that Fleabag and the Priest were the only couple worth talking or tweeting about this year. (We guess Meghan and Harry, and Kim and Kanye can relax.)

“If I’m honest, it’s only really just starting to dawn on me, the global effect the show has had. People like a bit of transgression, they just do.” Any follower of his career, though, understands that it’s more than just good writing that makes him so very watchable (though good writing, is, politely, what he puts it down to). His chemistry is electric with Ms Phoebe Waller-Bridge, as it was electric with Mr Cumberbatch, and palpable even if you weren’t lucky enough to catch his rendition of Hamlet and – like this interviewer – had to watch a clip on YouTube.

Mr Scott’s character, Tobin, in Modern Love is the most subdued we might ever see him. There’s very little shouting, and none of the wide-eyed glaring that has defined his roles to date. Instead, he plays sweetly, quietly off a tiny baby, and tells goodnight stories to an adorable little girl. Perhaps this is a harbinger of softer roles to come. “I’d love to be in a romcom,” he says. “I love watching people fall in love, and how mad it is.” And yet: it was just announced that he will be playing Tom Ripley in a new adaptation of The Talented Mr Ripley. So much for avoiding the nutters.

“What always amazes me is how innocent we are as human beings,” he says, sidestepping yet another probing question about being so irresistible right now. “We are very easily manipulated by stories. If someone puts scary music behind someone and they’re told this person’s eyes are absolutely terrifying, you go: ‘Oh my God, that person is scary, and his eyes totally freak me out.’”

“But then,” he continues, “[you’re told] ‘the priest is hot, wait till you see him’. And then you look at his eyes in a very different way and it’s the manipulation of the storytelling. It literally changes your character.” Hmmm.

“The success is the writing,” he tries, again, to argue. But it’s hard to be convinced that an actor who’s hopped from one iconic character to another is simply lucky with writing. He sees he’s not getting anywhere and changes tack. “Acting is just a way of experimenting with different parts of myself. Vulnerability is something I’m really, really interested in. I think vulnerability is at the centre of every character I’ve ever played even if they don’t appear or present as vulnerable.”

Throughout this conversation, his eyes have flicked around the bar, and he pauses from time to time to comment on the other patrons. At one point, a woman is coughing so vehemently, he stops mid-sentence to remark, humorously, on whether she might be dying. Now, he spots something on the bar. “Oh my God, she’s reading Brené Brown.” We both turn to stare at the book.

“She writes a lot about vulnerability,” he explains, excited. “[Being vulnerable] is how you get ahead. I really, really strongly believe that. [Vulnerability is] strong, it’s really strong.”

Perhaps this is the secret we’ve been trying to distil about his appeal: Mr Scott uses vulnerability to bring us all into a space of fear or sadness or lust or anger with him so that every character he plays – whether it’s the hottest priest in London, a gay man in Brooklyn trying to become a father, or a murderous villain – thrums with the heartbreak that comes with being human.

“The more I work,” he continues, “the more I just think every story is in some way concerned with love – or the lack of it.” He smiles an earnest little smile and we both know this is the place to stop. “That’s the way life is,” he says. “It’s so fast and furious.”

https://www.mrporter.com/en-hk/journal/fashion/the-softer-side-of-mr-andrew-scott-1052122

[9iiik]

‘I don’t love you anymore’

Lest we address the elephant in the room, big and bold and growing by the year, fed by the environment outside and not afraid to use its size to stomp through our houses and destroy everything inside.

Lest we touch on the subject.

Lest we bring it up at family gatherings, even though we know it's not something that can be ignored anymore, because politics aren’t just politics anymore.

Lest we tell them that we have friends who are affected, who can’t afford to “go back to where they came from”, who will have to die in the shadows, living in fear under a tyrannical ruler.

Lest we tell them that this has happened before, that people came here to flee the king, not to appoint a new one.

Lest we tell them that I’m queer and my mom is disabled and my brother is struggling and it is not just those unnamed “others” that will be affected, it will be their own children and grandchildren.

Lest we tell them that Grace, who’s not even two yet, may have to grow up knowing that things used to be better before her daddy voted in a man who does not care about her and believes that if she were raped before her 11th birthday then she should have to carry the baby to term.

Lest she grows up to be anybody other than what her parents expect her to be.

Lest she becomes gay or transgender or mentally ill or disabled.

Lest she dies in a school shooting in only a few short years.

Lest we question them about how Poppi could possibly fall for all of this, because we know he’s smart, but I guess he’s always been a numbers guy not as much for language and he hasn’t even realized how they turn language against him, how they use it to strike fear in him and threaten him and make him feel like he has to fight back and “protect” his country, mesmerized like his brain is melting out of his head as he sits in his recliner all day and watches Newsmax and doesn’t let anybody turn it off.

Lest we challenge him when he comes into our house where he knows it's not welcome and fires up the tv, fired up with rage and fear more importantly, fired up like LA, but not due to climate change, of course not, because when we went to Alaska years ago it wasn’t even snowing, it was barely even cold, but his head was so high up in the clouds smoking pot—in Texas, getting high and not being white is a crime befitting more punishment than rape, which makes sense because if all the rapists are in prison then who will we vote into office—he couldn’t even see what was all around him, or what wasn’t, because all the glaciers were gone, we’ve been to Alaska so many times it’s my family’s favorite state, but every year we go the glaciers recede further and further, 10 feet, 50 feet, 100, gone.

Lest we bring up that one memory, which is funny or not, where Uncle John—now a father, father to baby Grace, though it’s an ironic name because what Grace has he given to others, we can only hope that she’ll receive some as she grows up and finds herself and inevitably becomes someone who her dad can’t control—got into a drunken argument with the whole of my family and said “don’t bring facts into this argument”.

Lest we realize that this becomes less funny when it starts to affect us, when that refusal to accept fact over fiction means that we’ve gotten where we are today.

Lest we acknowledge that we’re in a bad place.

Lest I panic too much, not sure how to distinguish between rightful fear and unnecessary panic, but realizing that the Germans have probably already had the same thoughts, decades ago.

Lest I read the beginning of Anne Frank’s diary and realize that what she and I see are practically the same, just remarketed with fun new words.

Lest I realize that the attack on education—the book bannings, the censorship, the misinformation—is their greatest weapon, because knowing is a threat, a crime, and it sure feels like it too, like it's too much to bear, like falling to ignorance would be better sometimes.

Lest I tell them that I’m glad I’m in Maine now because Canada isn’t too far away.

Lest I tell them that I’ve looked it up and know that I could probably make it to the border on foot in under two weeks.

Lest I tell you, Poppi, that I used to love you.

Lest I tell you that I was always your girl, I was the most excited whenever we drove down to your house, excited to sit in your lap and play with you in the backyard and go out with you to buy donuts.

Lest I tell you that I miss who I thought you were.

Lest I tell you that I really don’t know if you were always this way and I was just an ignorant child, or if you’ve fallen into this brainwashing like so many other parents and grandparents.

Lest I tell you that I don’t like you anymore, I don’t even think I love you.

Lest I tell you that I know what you’ve done, who you voted for, who you’ve damned.

Lest I tell you that I’m one of them, because I don’t know if you already knew.

Lest I think about whether you thought of me when you cast your vote—a woman, a queer, a prospective scholar, an atheist.

Lest I think about whether you thought of your own disabled daughter, your grandbaby Grace, your black friends, the country, or Jesus.

Lest I think about whether you even love me anymore.

Lest I think if I’ve become someone unlovable to you.

-9iiik

---

Poem written for a class assignment, format based on 'Whereas' by Layli Long Soldier

[thatchronicfeeling]

It has come to my attention that it's Period Drama Appreciation Week 2023. I love period dramas and grew up watching them. They have been a formative part of my life and I'm now too disabled to watch video. Even gifs are too difficult for my brain to process. It is also Bi Visibility Week and I'm posting this on Bisexual Visibility Day. Since I can't safely post a pile of gifs, here is a list celebrating actors/characters/moments from period dramas that have been significant to my bisexuality. [Yes, this is a big list. I am missing out on watching and re-watching A Lot of awesome period dramas and I hate it. This list is helping me reclaim a bit of joy. Also I've probably forgotten some favourites and may update this.]

Lori Petty in A League of Their Own

Jodhi May in any period drama

Mary Wickes in any period drama

Freddy Honeychurch in A Room with a View

Anne Hathaway playing cricket in that rust-coloured dress in Becoming Jane

Esther Summerson (disabled heroine!) & Allan Woodcourt in Bleak House

the freshly-painted yellow cabin door swinging shut with the names 'Calam & Katie' painted on it in Calamity Jane

the sequence where Doris Day sings 'Secret Love' in Calamity Jane

Michelle in Derry Girls (and James too, a wee bit)

George Eliot & Lenore in Edgar Allan Poe's Murder Mystery Dinner Party

the moment where Emma and Mr Knightley start dancing together and it feels like you're inside the music in Emma

Polly Waker's haircut in The Enchanted April

Matthias Schoenaerts in Far From the Madding Crowd

Idgie & Ruth in Fried Green Tomatoes

Suranne Jones in Gentleman Jack

recognising Marian Lister as a bisexual who hasn't realised it yet in Gentleman Jack

Mary Agnes McNue in Godless

Bel & Freddie in The Hour

June Allyson leaping over a hedge (or is it a fence?) as Jo March in Little Women

the Patricia Rozema adaptation of Mansfield Park

the whole sequence where Judy Garland strides onto the neighbours' porch to sock The Boy Next Door in the jaw in Meet Me in St Louis

Katie the cook in Meet Me in St Louis

the moment where Benedick braces his arm against a doorframe in a desperate panic to stop Beatrice from going to eat Claudio's heart in the marketplace in Much Ado About Nothing

Denzel Washington in Much Ado About Nothing

Mr Thornton's hands (ok, and also his face) in North & South

tomboy Doris Day in On Moonlight Bay

Valentine in Parade's End

all of Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Papi in Pose

Lizzy Bennet declaring that she would never marry someone she did not love in Pride & Prejudice

Mr Darcy diving into a pond in Pride & Prejudice

both Angel and Joanne in Rent (the 2008 broadway version)

Martha the maid in The Secret Garden

Lelia Walker in Self-Made

swashbuckling Margaret Dashwood in Sense & Sensibility

the dance sequences in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

the whole Thomas Kent situation in Shakespeare in Love

Maria (when she is not a nun) in The Sound of Music

Kitty Butler onstage in Tipping the Velvet

Annie and Janette and Jacques and Linh in Treme

Audra McDonald and Anne Hathaway and Raúl Esparza in that promotional photo for Twelfth Night

Julie Andrews and her male co-star singing a version of 'Home on the Range' with the line 'and the deer and the antelope are gay' in Victor/Victoria

Justine Waddell in Wives & Daughters

[sarahivess]

WARNING: LONG RANT AND EXPLANATION

I feel like I have to stand up for myself now when I’ve seen the way some of the people in this fandom have been spreading rumors about me on Twitter.

I’m going to take this from the beginning.

//

In November, I was kinda new on Twitter. I remember seeing a tweet in my feed, it said “Let Robin say lesbian in season 5” and to me, who lives in Sweden, the word lesbian isn’t a very “bad” word. It’s actually a very common and normal word here, and we have a bunch of movies and tv-shows when lesbian girls and women simply say: I’m lesbian! So to me, I had NO IDEA that in the US, it’s seen as a “bad” word and that’s why the fans wanted her to verbally say it. I totally get that now, but I wasn’t aware back then. Silly me then made a comment, because a very cute and funny little moment popped up in my head and I felt like: AH I need to write this. It was something along with:

“Or gay, because imagine how cute it would be if Will came out as gay, and Robin would say “I’m gay too”, and then a stunned Dustin (or someone) would say “Okay, so while we’re at it - does anyone else want to come out of the closet?” And then Mike slowly raises his hand.”

I didn’t think much more about it, and the next time I logged into Twitter I had gotten like 50 qrts with: LOADS of death threats, gifs with people murdering people, people calling me lesbophobe, people mocking my grammar, my age, people saying weird things to me about Will etc. I was in such shock, I deleted the tweet right away and had a panic attack. What the hell just happened? How did that made me a lesbophobe? I’m bisexual myself, and I LOVE lesbians. I have also a bunch of wlw ships that I love. But all that shit just because I didn’t know that the word lesbian was very uncommon for americans to say in American media and how they wanted to change that.

Anyways, I deactivated my Twitter because all these horrible rumors about me triggered my suicidal thoughts (I suffer from depression), I made a new one and people figured me out right away so I changed alias and pfp/header but people still figured out it was me.

I blocked every single toxic person I came across, a few months passed and one day I was on Twitter again. This time, it was about an analysis of a scene in Stranger Things. Me and an iconic Byler here on tumblr were analysing the scene when everyone says goodbye at the end of season 3. First, Mike looked uncomfortable af when El kissed him, and later on he looked uncomfortable when she was close to him, hugging and touching and making a forehead touch. In one of the gifs, to ME it looked like the hand movement from El was kinda harsh when they made that forehead touch and I just couldn’t understand how people thought it was cute. It was a personal opinion and just a harmless analysis. Both me and this other person were also saying “Nothing against El though, she’s a kid, but I guess if the roles were reversed - if Mike would be the one to kiss El with her not kissing back, with open eyes, looking uncomfortable and shocked, I guess people would have accused him for SA or something. Not that we did, but we know that it would look a lot more bad if Mike was the one who kissed her and not vice versa simply because of the statistics. WE NEVER ACCUSED EL FOR SA. We both love her and she’s my favorite female character in the show. I just don’t like the SHIP Mlvn and I didn’t get how people thought that scene was cute. It was simply an analysis, nothing more. Not an accusation. Not a hate post. That post had over 200 likes and LOADS of reblogs with people who thought the same. But still only me and my friend were attacked. That also lead to ANOTHER accusation: of me being antisemitic. Why?

In year 2006, I first started my YouTube channel. I was very interested in learning how to edit, so thanks to tutorials I learned by myself how to edit. I was 14 years old when I read Anne Frank’s diary for the first time and I saw so much of myself in her. I also loved the way she described her relationship with Peter in the diary, so I watched “Anne Frank: The Whole Story” from 2001 and thanks to my family I could get that movie on my computer so I could make tribute videos of her since she inspired me so much, to never give up on my dreams and to ALWAYS follow my heart and believe that every person is truly good at heart. I made my own trailer for the movie, because there was none to be found on YouTube. My edits became very popular for being back in 2007, and soon loads of people found them. 90% was so happy I made these tributes, that I let the memory of her and all the people who tragically was murdered by the nazi’s back in the 30/40’s live on. But there was also a bunch of REAL antisemitics who called Anne a bunch of horrible stuff in the comments, people who claimed the holocaust never happened etc and I was defending her and the other victims for dear life. I was so proud of my edits, like I said: I was 14 years old and she was my biggest inspiration. My parents also watched these and they didn’t think they were problematic in any way so of course I trusted them and their moral.

And yes, I also made two tribute edits of her and Peter (I didn’t even knew about the term “shipping” back then) but this person on Twitter said I was making “ship edits” about Anne Frank. I have made all of my old videos private now, mostly because of the bad quality but also because of this person who now made me embarrassed of them instead. I wouldn’t make these edits today. Here’s a glimpse of one of them:

Is this antisemitic in any way?

Anyways, because of this person + a lot of others, this made me and my friend to eventually deactivate our tumblr accounts. I hade SO much going on in my personal life back then too, so this was just too much. They found out things about my family situation and that made me freak out, I was threatening them with the cops just because they were attacking and stalking me and my family on a personal level. They were harassing me on TikTok. On DM. On Twitter. People were leaving me and I felt like shit. Luckily there was a bunch who still were standing by my side through all of this and I am SO grateful for you all. Never forget that, you guys made me come back here.

Also, now when one of my tweets became popular on Twitter, of COURSE these people found me and started spreading these rumors again. I found that out from some of my friends here, sending me ss.

I just can’t fucking believe these people. All because of a silly little tweet which ended up in a total DISASTER.

End of rant. I hope at lease some of you understand.

[sparkedblaze]

“Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed.” -G.K. Chesterton

⚡️Hey! I'm Sparky or Blaze or any number of nicknames you wanna give me, I'm not really particular

🏳️‍⚧️My pronouns are he/they/it, but idrc as long as you don't call me she/her ♋18+ 👍🏼Writing, math, escape rooms, logic puzzles, movies, youtube, Dr. Pepper (I have an addiction to the stuff) 👎🏼Rootbeer, bugs, slimy things, loud noises, crowds, going out in public, getting wet 💔Triggers: S/A, S/H, bugs, clowns, SPIDERS (anything with more than 6 legs shouldn't exist, and 6 is already pushing it)

🤬I curse so please use caution

Newsies Discord Server

Ask Me About X

✍🏼What/where I write: Newsies on AO3 Harry Potter Mauraders on Instagram

🎨More arty things: LinkTree Omg Newsies as Vines

🚫DNI: TERFs, -phobes, racists, anti-, yk this list could go on forever just don't be an asshole

🪭Fandoms: Newsies (1992, Live, and UKsies), Harry Potter (fuck jkr), Percy Jackson, My Hero Academia, Haikyu!!, Sk8 the Infinity, Hamilton, In the Heights, Heathers, Be More Chill, Six, 21 Chump Street, Legally Blonde the Musical, Mean Girls the Musical, 9-1-1, West Side Story, Cats the Musical, Panic There are probably more

🎶Favorite music: Age of Madness, Newsies, In the Heights, Alec Benjamin, DCOM soundtracks

🗣️Characters I can and will talk about for hours: Any newsie (but especially Albert, Elmer, Jack, Davey, Les, Mush, the Delanceys), Peter Pettigrew, Severus Snape, Sturgis Podmore, Pandora Lovegood, Leo Valdez, Luke Castellan, Frank Zhang, Dabi, Shoto Todoroki, Iwaizumi Hajime, Nishinoya Yuu, Kojiro Nanjo (Joe), John Laurens, Pip Hamilton, Usnavi, Benny, JD, Heather Chandler, Michael Mell, Katherine Howard, Anne of Cleves, Justin Laboy, Emmett Forrest, Janis, Christopher Diaz, Athena Grant, Mouthpiece, Balkan, Baby John, Pouncival, Tumblebrutus, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, Ray Hall, Heather Nill

🎙️Relationships you couldn't get me to stop talking about if you tried: Spralbert, Javey, Blush, Pink Flowerpatch, Xenora, Percabeth, Frazel, Hot Wings, MatchaBlossom, Lams, Boyf Riends, Buddie, NillHall

🫶🏻Mutuals:

@caw-salem Fuck u roomie 🥰

@the-lavender-lapin My babyyyyyy🩵

@noxexistant thank you for gracing my pfp with gay pryder 😭🙌🏼

@raggedy-albert My fellow Albert enthusiast 🧑🏻‍🦰

@kellyscowboy UR HCS ARE SO GOOOOOD 😍

@hexmari LOML IM GROVELING AT YOUR FEET 🙏🏼

🧐Special interests: Newsies, dinosaurs, DND

🎉Fun facts:

I play DND

I like math because I understand it almost all the time (and if I don't I can usually look it up and figure it out), words are hard

I'm in PST

I have a dog that only has 3 legs, his name is Porch

🕳️Current hyperfixation: ——————————

[measuringbliss]

Spider-Man Read-Through 071 Nothing Can Stop The Juggernaut (ASM 229-232, Ann 16, Savage Land)

MASTERPOST

In this post, villains are gay, heroes are gay, everybody's gay!

PLUS...

Captain Marvel's arrival in Marvel comics!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So in ASM 229, Madame Web dreams of her own death and subsequently calls Peter to ask him to save her.

Meanwhile, Black Tom Cassidy and the Juggernaut explain to the reader that they're after her because of her psychic powers, which could very well help them defeat the X-Men.

Oh... Hello, Tom... *blushes*

Ahem. At the Bugle...

I'm always glad to see Gloria Grant!

Robbie tells Peter that Lance Bannon takes all pics assignments! What a meanie.

HAHAHA. Was that a dig? Girl, you really shouldn't say anything.

She's been seeing a marriage counselor with Ned, but she's also looking for work and Robbie's more than eager to welcome her as his secretary. Betty takes the time to thank Peter for bringing some sense into her the last time they saw each other, then Madame Web calls Peter to give him information about his target.

I love that panel.

Spidey's attempt to stop the Juggernaut is a complete failure. Admitting his defeat, he tells Madame Web (who calls him once more) to call the Avengers or the Fantastic Four for help, but they're unavailable. In Dr. Strange's office, next to Wong, Spidey learns the X-Men aren't available either.

Even Keating's police forces can't harm the Juggernaut. He eventually reaches Madame Web's room and takes her out of her life support chair. She immediately collapses, and the Juggernaut surmises that in that state, she's of no use to him. He leaves, and Spidey does CPR on Madame Web while waiting for help.

The issue ends with Peter wanting revenge...

Iconic issue for reasons that are easy to see. It's a good one, for sure!

In #230, Spidey's pursuit of the Juggernaut continues.

Meanwhile, Betty and Gloria get along really well, then...

Oooh!

Anyway:

Oh.

Love the first panel and also, wow. Alright, sir.

Things get kinky.

Spidey successfully leads the Juggernaut into cement, and the villain falls down, swearing he'll get his revenge. This... is a bit dark, innit?

Peter gives his photo to the Bugle and runs to see Madame Web.

Oh. Uh, I'm not fond of that development. I hope her amnesia is temporary...

At the pier, Black Tom observes...

That's a nice ending. Interesting set of issues.

In #231, the Cobra steals stuff and Peter gives us an elaborate explanation for the lack of web under his arms (and their return this very issue!).

Sure.

At the Pier, the Juggernaut breaks free. As for the Bugle, Ned Leeds is back too! Jameson called him to investigate the Brand corporation (which was linked to the Killer Shrike in SSM).

Betty's worried about Ned's appointment in the underworld, though, so she calls Peter through Debra Whitman. The issue takes this opportunity to remind the reader that she suspects Peter of being Spidey! I'd forgotten about that myself, to be honest.

Peter kind of has a fuckboy vibe in the left panel...

The Peter-Hochberg experiment is successful, and Peter immediately goes out as Spidey.

In a seedy bar, Marla and Ned find Nose, a anti-smoking walking advertisement, and the Cobra panics because he thinks Nose will sell him out. "Talking to reporters about us?" asks the Cobra. Not very straight of him. Spidey arrives, there's a fight, the Cobra tries to shoot Nose but Ned jumps in front of him to protect him.

This is really gay. I ship it, but then again, I've been shipping Peter and Ned since I was a child and read the years 1973-1975.

Whaaat is this foreplay between Spidey and Ned this issue? Am I the only one seeing it?

Anyway, suddenly a house almost kills Peter.

Jesus Christ.

It's not the Juggernaut, but Mr Hyde (whose appearance was foreshadowed in a previous issue)! He's quite ugly.

ASM 232: Mr. Hyde wants to get his old partner, the Cobra, back, and Ned, Marla and Lance get tangled up in that somehow.

I like Lance, for what's worth.

Spidey doesn't have as much patience as me, obviously.

In the end, Hyde gets away with the Cobra and Peter comes back to ESU.

Will we stop seeing them? I don't think I'm ready for that. It's sad...

It's interesting that after Stern takes over, Peter stops being a TA.

GORGEOUS RIGHT PANEL WHAT THE FUCK.

Marcy really wants to talk to Peter for a sec, but he's busy as usual and disappears. This is why you can't have friends, Peter!

I'm gonna cry, but admittedly that might be because I'm drunk reviewing this issue, like, a full month after the rest of this post. I missed these guys. "Good luck, Peter"...

Hyde is an interesting villain. Both halves need each other, but the terrible part hates its less terrible half.

Anyway, Spidey fights our antagonist.

Nice panel on the right. Hyde is stopped, and...

...Is this the first time we see blood in these comics? It feels strange, out of place. What the heck.

The next issue features the Tarantula (yay!!) but we're not going to see that right now.

Let's check out ASM Annual 16. Waiting for the bus to join Harry and Liz, Peter has a funny feeling about a gorgeous Black lady... who soon appears to be one Captain Marvel.

Flashback time! A friend of Monica Rambeau's grandfather went to the trouble of finding her. He planned to harness energy from other dimensions, but a dictator wants to use his knowledge for his own designs.

The place so happens to belong to Roxxon, which is a name that appeared quite a lot of time recently!

Monica's backstory is nice, but we soon get back to the present, where Spidey has to beg a child (whose parents think Spidey is "a hoax of eastern establishment") to give him a penny to... Whatever.

Captain Marvel's at the Baxter Building and meets The Thing, then she goes to the Avengers manor. A few jokes are made about how she's not related to the previous Captain Marvel, and Iron Man, the Wasp and Spidey successfully help her not erase New York from Earth with the interdimensional energy she absorbed in her flashback.

This is really cute. And then...

🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

It feels so nice to see them again, and to see handsome Pete again (he's such a snack), and to see all of them happy! I just had to put the full page here 🥰

After that, there's a whole Savage Lands saga. I skimmed through it. Let's just... forget about it hahaha

(well, the men in skimpy clothes were a nice feature I'll say)

[happi-tree]

📓

I don't go to dndads but if you pick a dndads au I will do my best to get it /hj

Lucky for you, Syl, I also have plenty of Amphibia things I have daydreamed about and never written!

The one that's immediately coming to mind is something from my old Cursed, Cast, Cat (CCC) au, in which Marcy's a witch, Anne is her shapeshifting cat familiar, and Sasha's just a regular human who got turned into a toad via curse. It was a 3+1 fic - three times where Anne wakes up Marcy by shifting in her sleep, and one time where it isn't Anne that wakes Marcy up.

The first time is when Marcy and Anne are much younger. Marcy's only just discovered her magic and has no idea that Anne can shapeshift yet. Marcy's staying with the Plantars for a sleepover and wakes up to find the Plantars' barn cat (Anne!) on her chest, and her friend, Anne the human, is nowhere to be found. She asks Anne about it in the morning.

The second time it happens, they're teenagers. Marcy is fully aware that Anne shapeshifts, but it still doesn't mentally prepare her for Anne shifting into human form in her sleep and promptly draping herself over Marcy lmao. She experiences several moments of gay panic before shaking Anne awake so that she can actually rest instead of nearly giving herself a heart attack.

The third time, Anne and Marcy are fully adults living independently together in Marcy's cute little witchy cottage on the edge of town. Anne stumbles in, exhausted from a long day helping out the Plantars and a longish night hunting (she's still somewhat of a cat yk), and flops down into their bed as she shifts, which ends up waking Marcy. The two of them chat for a bit about their days before turning in for some much-needed shut-eye.

And for the plus one,,, it's Sasha time! This scene occurs after Anne and Marcy help her to break her curse. Sasha ends up staying with them and becomes their queerplatonic partner, and part of that deal in their case means that all three of them get to cuddle in their massive bed every night. Sasha's tossing and turning ends up waking Marcy, and Marcy takes the opportunity to reflect on how much Sasha has changed in her time here and how fond Marcy and Anne have grown of her.

Annnnnd that was about all I had, I think! Sorry this took a bit to answer - had to jog my memory on some things hehe 😅

[symphonic-scream]

Updated Post for the Persona 5 Magic au

It all starts with the eternal battle for balance. Good v evil, light v dark. Two beings oversee all that is magical, using their every breath to keep the other at bay. With the opposing forces in balance, no one being can overcome the world, and rise up. The humans, the normal ones, remain in the dark

Darkness draws back for a few decades, and strikes swiftly. It goes to absorb the magic of Light, but cannot contain that much raw power. Light, and it's magic, are sent to the mortal plain, their magic scattering among those who were never meant to have such power

One dark night, many years later, a young witch, unaware of who he is, has his first spark of magic.

Akira Kurusu is charged for assault.

Akira Kurusu is sent to Tokyo.

Akira Kurusu is the first.

But first, he's late on his way to school. He feels the air leave his chest when a blonde girl takes down her hood in the rain. She blinks at him, and the glass film in his eyes shatters. He blinks at her. He feels normal. She gets in a man's car, and he's compelled by something else to deny a ride.

Suguru Kamoshida hits someone with his car

But it's okay, Ryuji Sakamoto gets up, completely uninjured. This has happened before, you see. A little girl, racially ambiguous, appearance shifting like the winds and the sands in the tides, well she greeted him the first time. Sent him right back, to his own waiting body

So, they decide to head to school together. That's when the talking cat shows up. And forms a blood pact with Akira, after revealing that he's a witch. A familiar bond.

The cat is Morgana, the former magic one of Light. And he recruits both boys to help him track down his magic, and return balance to the world of magic

Their first target? Kamoshida, who has some of Morgana's magic. Along the way they recruit Ann, a young succubus who's touch starved, very gay, and comes very close to killing in the name of her "best friend" that she is definitely not in love with

Their second target is an artist, who uses Morgana's magic to convince others to let him use their art as his own. Only one pupil remains in his lowly shack, one that Ryuji swears he's never seen blink

Yusuke Kitagawa believes he owes servitude to his master. A kitsune, one with large potential, just as he holds for art. The others show him the truth behind his master, how he tricked Yusuke's mother, leaving her to die, and taking all her work

He goes a little berserk. Finds Madarame in his exhibit, and let's his power fly. Yusuke drives his former master to madness, and his illusions leave a handful of visitors a little less sane than before.

Next, they go for the boss of a local Yakuza ring, Kaneshiro. The gang go after a few weeks of planning, deep in the middle of the night, dressed in Halloween store costumes for disguise, but find they don't need them

Uhm. Rating goes up for the next bit. Warning for violence and blood!

Because the doors are unlocked, left ajar. The full moon shines light on the red, wet floors, the stench of fresh death wafting out.

The sun has begun to rise by the time they gather their wits and find the central room. With one last shout of pain, they watch one last body sag between large fangs, the form of a full moon werewolf, dark fur soaked with blood, standing there. Right in the centre of the room

It turns to them, and it's bones creak as the moon comes to a close

Soon, all that's left standing there, bare, shivering, coated in blood, is Shujin Student Council President Makoto Niijima. With the additions of two furry ears atop her head, and a brown wolf's tail tucked between her legs

She's in a state of panic for many reasons. Partially for the mass murder she just did, partially for being all nakey wakey eggs and bakey. Mostly, because she has to get back to her apartment's boiler room before her sister goes to let her out, and she's in Shibuya and covered in blood and maybe losing it a little-

The gang throw Akira's jacket and Ryuji's pants at her, and race to Yongen, for a proper change of clothes and washing up. Which, leads to Ann trying to help only to discover her touch works on Makoto, who learns she's gay. Then it's a race back to Makoto's, where she ducks back into the dark boiler room

Come lunchtime at school, she thanks her underclassmen profusely, and asks to help them in return for what was a wild and awkward night. They let her in

Now is a good time to mention they have weekly Saturday Night sleepovers in LeBlanc's attic. Ann gets to spread out her wings, Yusuke doesn't have to blink, and now Makoto, who cannot put away her tail, wears pants with a hole cut in them. And she brings out her ears, too

This to say, during one of these sleepovers, there's a storm. Sojiro runs in, worried. He finds them all, magiced out, and barely thinks before begging to help him find his daughters

You see, Futaba isn't alone in her mind. Her mother had used dark magics to create a sentient AI, Sophia, but was stopped before she could properly set her free. In the incident that killed her, she uploaded Sophia directly to, Futaba. In technical terms, she's being haunted. Sophia appears over her shoulder in a ghostly blue, but humans can't see or hear her

They find her cowering inside the old movie theatre. Her uncle had shown up while she was talking to Sophie. Disastrous. But, sleepover night has one more guest going forwards

Next, is a request. News of this group of "monsters" is getting around, and through their online inbox, Haru Okumura asks if they can get her Selkie coat back, and return her father to who he once was

They have to stake him out first, make sure he has some of Morgana's magic. Ann and Yusuke go undercover as an elite married couple, with. Makoto as their large, exotic dog. For the laughs.

That night, Okumura is visited by a Vampire, who leaves him dead and drained on his study floor. Our heroes will get the blame, but during the next week of chaos, they're able to get into his office and into his safe, retrieving the pelt of a Ragdoll cat

Haru is grateful for her coat back, and spends an entire day in her cat form. She swears she'll help them clean their names, and return Morgana's magic

I will stop the plot regaling there, to list what everyone is in this au

Akira - Witch

Yalbadoath - Magic One, being of Darkness

Morgana - "sorcerer", Magic One, being of Light

Makoto - turned werewolf

Haru - ragdoll cat Selkie

Yusuke - Kitsune

Sojiro - seer of magics

Ann - succubus

Ryuji - undead

Goro - vampire

Futaba - Haunted (by Sophia)

Chihaya - nekomata

Munehisa Iwai - dragon

Tae - Wizard, potions expert

Sadayo - Fae

Ichiko - incubus

Shinya - ghost, unaware he is dead

Hifumi - warlock, charm master

Mishima - dream eater

Sumire - changeling

Anyone unlisted is human

Alright, so there's this one! I. Technically have more, cause this au covers Strikers. But this was tiring for me, I. Yeah

Feel free to ask about it! Suggest things! Comment on it!

[frogshowanon]

[Podfic] What Happens When You Make It

Content Warnings: emotionally abusive parents, descriptions of panic attacks, very mildly implied homophobia

Original Work: What Happens When You Make It

Original Series: gay people back from frogland what will they do

Original Author: im_at_my_limit

Rating: T

Fandom: Amphibia

Relationships: Anne Boonchuy/Sasha Waybright/Marcy Wu, Anne Boonchuy & Sasha Waybright & Marcy Wu

Length: 2:19:27

Format: Streaming, MP3, and Youtube

Summary:

For most of her time back on Earth, Anne has been faced with simple, easy to understand responsibilities. Things she should do, needs to do, versus things she shouldn't.

She's not entirely sure where this falls.

(Please read part one first)

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