#Annas was SO MENACING it was great | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

torialefay · 11 months ago

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☀️ Everyday Idol 🌙 (Chapter 5)

✨ possible bangchan x reader (f), possible jungkook x reader (f)

✨ head on over to my masterlist if you haven’t checked out the previous chapters!

✨wc: ~6.6k

✨ friends to lovers? possible love triangle? obsession? angst and future smut??? a little fluff.

✨ summary: JYP Entertainment launches a new show and y/n somehow gets recruited. Even though she doesn’t particularly care about the outcome of the show, she does particularly care about one of the artists she met: Chris from Stray Kids. Does Chris feel the same or will a potential relationship with one of his friends overcome what y/n feels for him?

✨ author’s notes: pls pls pls let me know if you’d prefer shorter, more frequent chapters like this one, OR longer chapters posted about once per week. i’m heavily debating lol

✨ warnings: cursing from time to time.

Previous Chapter Recap:

“No need, I already told him!” Felix winked down at you, nudging his elbow into your side. What the hell?

“Oh really? I didn’t know you two were close like that.” Literally not once had you seen any sign that they’d spoken to each other, let alone were good enough friends to keep in touch about girls they were taking to lunch.

“With Chan-hyung? We’re about as close as two people can get,” he laughed. “No way. I knew all along. And you’re welcome by the way. I may or may not have encouraged it hehe.” You watched as his eyes sparkled while they smiled. It would have been adorable if you had any clue what he was talking about.

All you could do was stare blankly at him. A confused expression must have been on your face long enough for Felix to notice.

“We are talking about Chan-hyung, right?”

“No… I got the flowers from Jungkook,” you said sheepishly.

You could see Felix’s eyes shoot open, going into panic mode. Fight or flight, I guess.

“Wait, are you talking about? OHHH those flowers! The ones from today. Ohhh okay, nevermind. Sorry, I was thinking about something completely different,” he rapidly mumbled out. He looked like he could start sweating at any minute, waiting to get your eye of approval.

‘Okay, so 2 possibilities. #1: Felix needs a lot more sleep. Or #2: Chan was going to give me flowers?!?!’

Note: Character relations you can refer back to if needed.

Y/n- Changbin’s mentee

Anna- best friend, Felix’s mentee

Kara- Seungmin’s mentee

Sunnie- Han’s mentee

Mindi- Hyunjin’s mentee

Nisha- Lee Know’s mentee

Alyssa- Jeongin’s mentee

Jenna- Chan’s mentee

——————————————————————————

Y/N’s POV:

You settled back into your usual sphere of friends in the filming room. Just you, Anna, Kara, and Sunnie. Of course some of the boys jumped in on the discourse.

“Alright Hannie, be honest,” Sunnie questioned, still standing in the group. “Who out of us,” she motioned to the rest of the girls in the group’s circle, “do you think will mess up the most during our shoots?” She put a big grin on her face.

“Uhhh, I mean I think you’ll all do really great to be honest so-“ Han tried, but got cut off.

“Kara obviously,” Seungmin interrupted. “As her mentor, I can confidently say that I have trained her to be a menace.” He was joking, of course but GOD he never looked like it. “Well, not as good as me, but she will learn.”

Kara laughed and fake smacked him on the arm.

“No, but really, be honest. What do we need to worry about? You are literally our mentors so you can’t let us look lame,” Sunnie started again. You knew that Changbin proceeded to give a sarcastic response, but the hint of a figure passing by caught your attention instead.

Chan had arrived. He looked so good, but so out of his normal. You realized then that it wasn’t just Changbin who surprised you, but you’d never seen any of the boys dress up before. You and Changbin looked killer- all black, and honestly kinda sexy. You surprised yourself even.

But not Chan. No, he was in soft colors. Pastels. You didn’t know if you’d ever seen him in something like that- just so NOT like him. You silently wondered if he would come to your group to converse with everyone else. You weren’t sure if you wanted him to or not.

You made sure not to turn your head too far in his direction. You didn’t want him to see you glancing over, but you definitely didn’t want any of your friends in the group to notice you looking either. You tried to focus your eyes back on Han who seemed to be the only one who would give actual advice.

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Felix shift slightly, lifting his head up. You saw him look in Chan’s direction, then look down to see if you had noticed. You quickly darted your eyes away. Satisfied that you were paying attention elsewhere, he directed his head toward Chan across the room and open his eyes wide. Somehow he had a look of both questioning and embarrassment on his face. You didn’t dare move to look at Chan’s reactions.

After a minute or two of trying to zone in on Han, you gave up. You shifted your weight and crossed your arms, shrugging your shoulders up and rolling your neck around to “try to get a kink out”… if that meant trying to get a secret look at Chan of course.

You found him in your periphery on the other side of the room. He was standing with Jenna and Alyssa, making small talk or prepping them for the filming, you guessed. You could see Jenna’s almost-matching pastel outfit and it made you want to vomit with how sweet it was. And you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a tiny bit jealous that she was matching so well with Chan. You’d be lying even more if you said it didn’t bother you that he’d momentarily rested his hand on her shoulder while talking with them. You’d be lying even more if you said she was too pretty for him. ‘FML.’

Chan had such a wild smile on his face, staring down with his big dimples. You couldn’t believe he was actually getting along with the both of them. They were literally like talking to a wall… Maybe the wall opens up and changes its appearance a little for a cute guy though.

Damn, if this was the shove you needed to move you in Jungkook’s direction, it was definitely working.

Kara, standing a couple people over from you in the circle, must have noticed Chan coming through in his displaced pastels as well. He was a magnet, what could you say?

You noticed her scoffing over. Everyone else noticed as well.

“Kara, everything okay?” Anna asked, being the last to notice but the first to call her out.

“I was just observing,” she smirked, nodding her head in Chan’s direction. Everyone turned to look as Chan lightly nudged an elbow into Jenna’s side.

‘God, please kill me.’

Sunnie fired back with a smug look. “Oooo so *that’s what Felix was talking aboutttt,” she dragged on.

… The guys, including you and Anna, looked around, staring blankly at each other.

“What do you all know that I don’t?” Seungmin asked, staring down both of the girls.

‘Agreed,’ you thought.

“Did you literally not hear Felix at lunch?” Kara looked up at him. All the Stray Kids members looked confused.

Felix looked defensive all of a sudden. “No, no, no, that’s not what I meant! I was just joking I swear!” He tried to force a laugh. “I swear it was just a joke!”

“Yeah rightttt,” Kara scoffed. “It’s so obvious that she’d be that way. It makes so much sense.”

“Okay, what are you guys talking about?” you finally piped up.

“Seriously, what’s going on?” Changbin backed you up.

Felix looked off, like he would just ignore the question forever. Kara ran her eyes across his face, then rolled them back into her head.

“Oh so NOW you are shy?!” she threw at him. “Well Felix kinda let it slip that Chris was crushing on someone who was already accounted for, but that it would all work out.”

The boys all looked at him, wide-eyed.

“Oh my gosh, that’s not how I meant it! I mean I was just joking around!” Felix plead, acting fake hurt. “Literally we were just talking about who YOU ALL found cute, and then yeah, I said that Chris was wanting someone who was already accounted for but, but-“ he started to fumble his words. “I mean I was just messing around! I meant that Chris was into me, but I’m accounted for of course,” he let out a nervous laugh.

“Accounted for? By who? And your mom doesn’t count.” Seungmin smirked.

“No, with Binnie!” Felix put on a fake pout again, grabbing Changbin by the arm. “And don’t you talk about us that way!” Everyone got to laughing, and I guess Felix’s explanation was good enough to put everyone’s mind at rest.

‘Nice cover, Felix.’

Kara wasn’t completely sold though. She motioned for everyone to scoot in closer before leaned her head down and began to whisper. “Listen, I’m serious though. I don’t mean to step on any toes, I swear I don’t… But the rumor going around really is that Chan’s got his eye on one of the mentees,” she looked up to see everyone’s reaction. “Now, if you guys say that it isn’t true, then it isn’t true, but that’s what’s been going around. AND word on the street is that she is also fucking Jungkook.”

‘GODDAMN IT. I AM NOT FUCKING JUNGKOOK! HOW IN THE HELL DOES ONE DATE EQUATE TO FUCKING THIS MAN?!’

‘And now, if anyone does see us together, I’m royally fucked… May even get kicked off the show for the bad publicity. I’ve got to find a way to shut that shit down.’

You secretly watched Felix’s face drop. In that moment, he had confirmed his previous theory that you had been seeing Jungkook and rejected Chan.

‘Welp, this is awkward.’

“Alright well if someone’s fucking Jungkook, then they’re fucking Jungkook. None of my business. But if Chan was into someone, he would have told us by now,” Changbin chimed in.

Felix looked to the ground.

“I mean maybe... Unless he was embarrassed. Sure doesn’t seem like it now though,” she glanced back over. You let your eyes follow in that direction. Chan was now propped up with one hand against the wall, smiling down towards Jenna with a smirk on his face.

‘I don’t even care,’ you thought.

But you did. You knew you did.

———————————————————————

Felix’s POV:

Filming was about to start. The directors had each of you pair up into your mentor couples and wait for more instructions.

“Hold on, I have to go find Chan real quick!” Felix told Anna.

“Alright, you know where to find me,” she smiled back.

Felix quickly made his way over to where Chan stood. Next to Jenna of course.

“Hey, can you come here for a second? I have a question,” Felix directed toward Chan, offering a polite smile when Jenna looked his way too.

“Yeah sure,” Chan said, letting Felix lead him toward the back of the room away from everyone else.

Chan was totally on edge. Felix could tell.

“What the fuck happened?” Felix questioned.

“What happened with what?” Chan retorted, pretending he didn’t know what Felix was getting at.

Felix just stared at him, rolling his eyes up. Annoyed. He stood there in silence, not letting himself be the one to give in. Finally Chan did.

“Look, I saw her with Jungkook, bro. He gave her flowers and she looked happy. End of story. Nothing else to talk about,” he huffed, ready to walk back. He was holding it back well, but Felix knew him well enough to know he was hurt.

Chan looked down and shook his head, imagining what Felix must be thinking. Felix had encouraged him early on to message you… but he just never did. Not until he was scared someone else was interested in you that is.

“Whatever mate, but just know this whole look-“ Felix pointed a finger, dragging it across the path to Chan and Jenna, “isn’t a cute one. Almost every other contestant has something bad to say about her.”

“Come on man, she’s not that bad.”

“Literally look at her face right now,” Felix motioned over.

A look of pure boredom and disdain was washed over her. She glanced down to her nails, then back up to her surroundings, almost as if she was trying to size anyone and everyone up. She was off on her own, not attempting to strike up a conversation with any of the 40+ people in the room.

“So she has a hard exterior,” Chan tried to cover. “But she’s actually really nice once you start talking to her.”

“Tell me one nice thing she’s had to say.”

“Well she was talking about how excited she was to see me.”

“That doesn’t count.”

“She was also talking about how I looked good in pastels. Told me that they suited me more than black and that I should switch it up.”

“That doesn’t count either. What is ONE nice thing she’s said that wasn’t about you?”

Chan stood for a moment. “Well, I mean,” he grabbed his neck and looked down. “Like I said, she’s a hard one to crack.”

“Do what you want, but going after your own mentee isn’t a good look. I’ll tell you that if no one else will.”

Felix turned to walk away, but spun right back around on his toes. “By the way, someone is now spreading a rumor that whoever you’re into is fucking Jungkook. Just thought you should know before you made anyone look bad.”

With that, he briskly walked off.

—————————————————————

Y/n’s POV:

Shooting actually went really well. Way better than you’d expected. It wasn’t nearly as scary as you thought it’d be, and you think you actually got some great takes.

They had let you talk about medical school, and what it was like to train in today’s world post-COVID. You got to talk about the reason you were interested in medicine in the first place, and how the 7-year-old you would be so proud to see you now, living out your biggest dream. They asked all the right questions, and you gave all the right answers. You were starting to feel hopeful that you could make a connection with the audience of the show.

Of course, all of the scenes with Changbin were perfect too. You silently thanked the heavens that you got paired with the coolest guy to be your mentor. The banter between the two of you was perfect. One moment that specifically stood out was when they shot a scene of Changbin trying to give you tips and that, as his mentee, you were gonna have to be tough and do some of the heavy lifting to make him proud. He made you practice an example, as he bent himself face-down at his hips and pulled on your arms to rotate your body into the air and land on the other side of his.

“See, easy! Now you try,” he had instructed.

And try you did… But FAIL you also did. You tried your best to keep your legs firmly planted on the ground, but with the weight of Binnie directly over top of you, you couldn’t help but fall to the ground, letting him fall along on top of you. Neither of you got hurt, but you both almost died of laughter, holding onto each other on the floor. You laughed so hard you thought you’d cry.

It may have hurt your ego a little, but damn if it wasn’t gonna make for some cute content for the show.

You felt a quiz buzz coming from your pocket. You took it out to check the screen, showing a text from JK. After the date, you had decided that exchanging numbers was way better than having to talk through instagram.

You smiled at how interested he was in your life.

You shoved your phone back in your pocket, warm feeling still coming on.

“Are you coming to the dinner later?” you turned to Changbin.

His eyes lit up. “I mean I hadn’t really planned on it, but are you going?”

“Honestly, I think it’s mandatory for us to go. But I’m excited anyways. Everyone should be there. Have you been to the restaurant?”

“Which one is it?”

“Nine Mile.”

“Damn, that’s a pretty nice restaurant. Especially if the company is paying.”

“Then you’d *better come with me,” you laughed, nodding your head his way.

“Alright, alright. It’s a date,” he smiled. “Only for the food though.”

“Well of course.”

—————————————--

After a quick trip back to the hotel with Anna to freshen up and get caught up on all of the day’s happenings, you felt exhausted. I mean, today was probably the most eventful day of your life. You went on a date with Jungkook, got blown off by Chan and then had to watch him flirt with another girl, and then get through 3-ish hours of filming for a TV show you didn’t even think you belonged on. You really just wanted to lie in bed and talk with Anna, then pass out for the night.

But you couldn’t. The night must go on. You reminded yourself that you should be grateful for every opportunity, no matter how tired you were.

JK had texted you back, letting you know he also had plans for the night, but to have fun at the dinner with Changbin. The emotions you felt were still extremely mixed, but you decided to just take each moment as it came. Otherwise, you’d be too overwhelmed to even think.

Once you had finished freshening up, you and Anna set out to the restaurant in your normal, everyday clothes. You couldn’t lie, being in medical school made you adopt a new sense of fashion. Corporate baddie? You realized this quickly when you came to Korea and saw the street style that most others wore. You and Anna couldn’t help it though- your closet now consistent of only 2 things: (1) scrubs, (2) trendy oversized blazers. Out of the 2 options, the only one you deemed appropriate to bring was the latter.

You didn’t mind standing out a bit though. Some people in Korea even had similar styles, just a bit more muted than the two of you. It was obvious from the looks you got while walking the street- not bad looks, the reverse actually.

You looked down to examine your black heels and matching black oversized blazer. You made sure to pair it with dark jeans and lots of jewelry to set a more casual tone… and also to stop yourself from looking like you could pull out a reflex hammer and give a full-on neurological exam at any moment. But it was night time after all, and it was freezing. You had to cover up as best you could.

You couldn’t lie, you also had to make sure you spritzed on a couple sprays of your favorite sensual perfume. Just for good measure. You never knew who you would see.

There was a reason you and Anna were besties, you thought as you looked to your bestfriend walking next to you. She complimented both you and your style so well. Business casual, but make it hot.

You finally arrived at the restaurant two minutes early. But to your surprise, the huge reserved section in the back was already almost completely full. Everyone was really making sure they were on time, you guessed.

You both meandered your way in, stopping to say “hi” to some of the other new trainees that you recognized. From a distance, Changbin flagged you down. He motioned for you to come to where he was sat.

“I figured you and Anna would come together. I saved you both a seat!,” he said, standing up out of his chair. He grabbed the chair seated next to his and pulled it out for you to sit down.

‘Too sweet,’ you thought as you took your place. “Thanks Binnie!”

The other seat next to you was presumably for Anna, so you waited for Changbin to pass you and pull it out for her as well.

“Anna,” he caught her attention, instead turning the other way to take his seat. “That seat is for you!,” he smiled, pointing down to it.

It was hard to hear with the loud noises coming from the crowd around you, but she understood what he was saying and took her spot.

Sitting in front of you were a few other trainees that you had met a couple of times before. Both girls and guys- all super nice. You exchanged formal “hello’s” and “how are you doing?”.

You scanned the room to look for the other boys, but only Felix was in sight, standing far in the other corner of the room and talking with some of the new male trainees.

“Binnie, did none of the kids come except Felix?” you looked at him.

“Nah, they were all working on stuff. But don’t worry, I’ll always make time for you!” He spread a loving smile across his face.

You couldn’t believe you were so lucky to get Changbin as your mentor. Hardly any of the mentors were here. You had made sure to carefully check for any sight of Chris, but to your relief, he was nowhere to be found.

———————————————

The rest of the night was filled with plenty of amazing food, fun conversations, and new deep connections made with other contestants.

But if you were being honest, you definitely knew you had a few too many drinks. You were feeling good, yes. But almost past the point of feeling good. You could feel your stomach start to get the tiniest bit queasy and the world around you started to blur the tiniest bit. Your head felt like it was floating.

‘Okay y/n, you are cut off,’ the last ounce of soberness in your brain thought. But that is where the final sober thought ended.

“Binnie, can I be honest?” you leaned into him, almost letting your face touch his chest.

He looked down at you with big eyes. “Of course, what’s up?”

“I’m just…” you trailed off, beginning to look at his lips and then back up to his face. “I’m just really happy you’re here with me.” You smiled.

“I’m happy too. Thank you for inviting me to come.”

“Well you are always invited to come anywhere with me. I want you to know that.”

He blushed.

That should have been your signal. That should have been your warning to stop yourself. In your drunken state, you couldn’t sense that your words would come across as flirty. You didn’t mean it in that way- not in the slightest. You just wanted to express your love and appreciation to your friend. It was innocent, honestly. But Bin couldn’t tell that.

“You’re so sweet, y/n.” He leaned down further into you until his lips were hovering just above your head. “And if I’m honest, I’m really glad that I’m getting to know you better.” He let out a soft smile.

You went in for a hug, burying your face into his chest in the process. His chest was so strong and warm. “I needed to hear that… I wish everyone else felt the same,” you accidentally let slip out. Again, you didn’t even realize what you were saying. You were too far gone and you needed to go home.

“Like who? Is anyone giving you a hard time?” Changbin asked.

“No, it’s- well maybe. I don’t know. It’s nothing…” you paused. “Binnie, I think I’ve done all I can do tonight,” you accidentally leaned over into him. “I think I need to go home.”

“Yeah of course. Stay here for just a second. Let me get Anna.”

He gently got up from his chair, so as not to startle you too much, and walked a few steps toward Anna who had moved into a group of people who were stood chit-chatting.

He returned to you a few seconds later. “Anna is going to stay around for a while. Is it okay if I walk you to your hotel?” He reached his hand out for you to take it.

You happily obliged, using his hand to lift up all your weight in your stupor state. You felt a little unbalanced, but nothing that you couldn’t manage. Nothing that you couldn’t walk off on the way back to the hotel anyway.

Bin swiftly moved behind you, using one arm to stabilize around your waist and the other to reach out in front of you to continue to give your hand the needed stability. This way, he could see you right in front of him as you walked and make sure you didn’t trip over.

You both took slow steps toward the exit, breezily waving goodbye on your way out.

Your eyes caught Felix’s on your way out. You tried to wave, just a simple acknowledgment.

You may have been drunk, but not drunk enough to make out the the panic on Felix’s face. You couldn’t ponder on it for too long though, as a slight step up past the doorframe caught your foot.

You felt yourself lose balance, about to topple over, but Changbin felt your change in positioning and clung onto your tighter. As suddenly as you felt yourself begin to fall, you felt yourself stay stationary in the air.

“Ahhh,” you mumbled.

“Alright, come on. Up, up, up,” Changbin said lowly while pulling your body back to standing.

You giggled once he got you up. “I didn’t know you were that strong!” you said, excitedly, as you collected yourself enough to step forward again and out of the restaurant.

He moved his arm now to link up with yours. “This is why I train up! So I can catch you apparently,” he laughed.

You let out a giggle as you stepped into the cold wind. It caught you off guard, not remembering how cold it had been when you’d arrived. One more step and one huge gust of wind almost knocked you off balance again. You felt your leg start to teeter.

“Woah, woah!” Changbin laughed, catching your body from the side this time. “Be careful or you’re gonna take us both down!”

You couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous this was. Was it funny because of the alcohol? Absolutely. Without it, you’d be humiliated beyond belief. But now, you were more amused than you had been in the last week. You couldn’t stop giggling, cueing Changbin to start chuckling back at you.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” he said, once you stabilized.

“Okay, okay,” you took a deep breath in and then snapped your fingers. “I’m good. I’m good! Okay, I’ve got this. Let’s go,” you smiled.

He roped his arm back around yours to give you an anchor as you both walked, now both stepping out past the side of the restaurant, no worries in the world.

——————————————————————

Chan’s POV:

He sat on the couch of his studio for a moment, taking in his surroundings.

He didn’t know why he’d done it. He didn’t know why he’d done any of this. Why he canceled on you, why he brushed you off when you clearly wanted to speak with him, why he tried to make you jealous earlier.

After all, Felix told him that you had something with Jungkook. What did he expect? That it was just a rumor? That if he texted you right then, any plans you had with JK would just magically disappear?

Did he expect you to just drop everything and fall in love with him?

The only reason he got the balls to message you in the first place was because Felix told him you were going to see someone else. So why was he backing out now?

He guessed the stress of ACTUALLY seeing the two of you together- physically present in front of him- set him off. He didn’t even want to think about you being that close to another man, let alone see it.

It should have been him doing that with you. But, like always, he blew his own fucking chance.

He freaked out. He shut himself down and shut you out. He wanted to make you feel the same way he felt seeing you with someone else.

He sat and pondered for a moment.

‘It’s all in your head anyways, Chris. She’s not jealous over what you’re doing. She probably hasn’t even thought twice about you since. All you’re doing is making yourself look like a dick who goes after their own mentee…’

‘And Felix is right, it’s not a good look. Jenna objectively sucks. You don’t want to be associated with that. Hell, the conversations you had today were bone dry. You still have to support her, but from a distance will be fine.’

‘It’s just… ahhh,’ he threw his elbows down to rest over his knees, bringing his head down to his hands and letting them trace through his hair. He started pulling harshly at the strands of hair sliding through his fingers.

‘Why is it so fucking hard for you? Why can’t you just forget about her? You’re not going to, are you?’

‘But it doesn’t matter, you’re too much of a pussy to do anything anyways. You had her literally coming to your studio, and then you backed out like a fucking coward because of what? Because you saw someone else has a crush on her?’

‘Damn right Jungkook has a crush on her- he’d be crazy not to. But she only likes him because she doesn’t know how good YOU could be to her. You haven’t said or done shit!’

‘So why in the fuck are you sitting here moping, when you could actually apologize for being shitty and weird? You’re literally gonna just watch and do nothing and hope that nothing comes of this so you can have your chance?’

‘No, you’ve got to talk to her. So what, she’s been on a date or two with JK? It’s not like they were official or anything- if they were, you would have definitely heard about it.’

‘She could be way more into you than she is into him if you just TRY. Just do it. COME ON.’

Chris jumped up off the couch. This was probably the best timing he was going to get, and it was now or never. He had already checked with Felix, so what was he waiting for?

He looked at his reflection in the camera app on his phone.

He’d looked worse, he thought. He was just grateful to be changed out of those god-awful pastels.

He threw his black fluffy jacket on and grabbed the flowers he had purchased for you this morning, silently thanking himself that he didn’t throw them away earlier in a jealous rage.

Heading out of the company building, he kept the pep talk going in his mind as he quickly dashed toward the Nine Mile restaurant. He silently thanked god that it was only a few minutes away.

‘You’ve got this, Chris.’

‘It’s nothing, it’s nothing! It’s literally nothing.’

‘All you have to say is what you feel. It’s that simple. You want to get to know her more and you’d like to see her sometime, not at the company.’

‘She doesn’t have to know everything else. She doesn’t have to know you saw her earlier. She doesn’t have to know that’s why you canceled on her.’

‘But damn you may have some explaining to do if she brings something up about you and Jenna.’

‘No, she probably didn’t even notice or care.’

‘All you can do is lay it out on the table. If she doesn’t want you, then she doesn’t want you. But at least you can say you tried. You can live with no regrets.’

‘Come on, don’t back out. You can do this. You can do this,’ he repeated to himself as he saw the glow of the restaurant’s sign quickly approaching.

He quickly looked down to check his phone and get the time. He was hoping you hadn’t left yet by the time he got there.

As he went to put the phone away, he heard a familiar voice.

“Chan! Hey, what are you doing?”

Fuck. It couldn’t be.

The voice was recognizable, but the outline, not so much. All black outfit with a black mask. If Chan hadn’t heard him speak, he’d have no clue it was Jungkook. He was just standing there, leaning against the wall of the business directly next to the restaurant. It was a little ominous really, hidden away in the shadow of a street sign- the light of the moon not even able to hit him.

“Hey man, what’s up?” Chan tried to play it off like he wasn’t internally freaking out.

“Ah, I was just about to meet a friend. What about you? Are you headed to the JYP party in there?” He motioned to the restaurant.

‘Okay great, so he’s here to meet a “friend” and just so happened to know that YOU would be here… a SECOND date with him in one goddamn day?!’

Chris got extremely flustered. All of the confidence he once held was now leaving his body entirely.

Did he want to be brave? Yes.

Did he want to prove that he could be better for you? Yes.

Did he idealize in his head how this night was going to go and now that’s all going to shit? Yes.

Chan was officially in panic mode.

“Ah you know what, I was going to head in for a bit, but damn, you just reminded me! I ran off and left my wallet. I’m gonna have to go find it before someone else does. Ah fuck,” he lied through his teeth.

“I’m sorry man, that’s the worst! Do you need me to hold your stuff for you til you get back?” JK said, looking down to the flowers in Chan’s hands.

“Oh these? Yeah, it’s a ... friend’s birthday! So I had picked these up. But uhm… Actually, if you want them you can have them! By the time I walk back and turn everything upside down to find my wallet, I don’t know that I’ll actually make it back here. The flowers are probably gonna die tonight without water anyway, so I’ll have to buy another batch tomorrow. Please feel free to take them off my hands if you think you or someone else could use them. Seriously."

Chris didn’t really know why he said this. He didn’t know why he had lied about so much. He owed NOTHING to JK. Were they friends? Sure, but not close enough to feel bad about liking the same person.

He just needed to be out of this moment quick.

There he was again- a coward. Running away from his feelings, he knew. He knew he was ruining it yet again. But he couldn’t confront this reality. Not now. Not so openly and in front of everyone. He needed to get out fast.

“I mean sure man, I’ll take them if you don’t want them. I’ll find someone to give them to at least,” JK smiled down and took the bouquet into his hands. “Be careful going back in this cold! It’s getting ridiculous.”

All of a sudden, Chan heard it. It was unmistakable. His favorite sound in the world. Your laugh was coming closer.

He looked off a few yards away to see you stumbling out of the restaurant, holding tightly to Changbin.

In that moment, he was cursing his luck that Changbin got to have you as a mentee instead of him.

He knew you'd be searching for Jungkook at any moment. He needed to get out fast.

“Yeah, you too man. I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

Chan turned on his heels with his head down and sped away. He didn't dare look back for fear of what he might see. He knew he couldn't take it again.

In that moment, he was thankful for the strong wind chill hitting his face, drying out the singular tear rolling down his cheek.

At least he knew his flowers would get to you somehow.

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Y/n's POV:

You held on to Binnie for dear life, making small strides so as not to lose the little bit of balance you had.

"I've still got to have a mentee for the show, so we have to get you back in one piece! If not, I'll kill you," Changbin said, letting out a chuckle.

In your drunken state, it made you cackle.

"You couldn't kill anyone Binnnnnnieee. You're too sweet," you smiled and booped him on the nose. You felt yourself lose your footing the slightest bit, but quickly moved your hand back to your side to stabilize.

"I'm sweet, but that doesn't mean I couldn't crush you in two seconds," he teased. "One squeeze while I've got you in a headlock and you're a goner."

"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try!" you challenged him, stopping mid-stride and taking one step back.

"Oh you're on!" he made quick work to pull your arm around to your side, moving your whole body along with it until you were turned away from him. One swift movement had his bicep around the side of your neck, arm extended around the other half, until his hand reached your opposite shoulder.

Suddenly, you felt yourself working harder to breathe.

He took his other hand and harshly rubbed it as fast as he could on the top of your head. "Noogies just for good measure!" he yelled.

"Okay, OKAY, you win! I give up!" you choked out as best as your could.

Suddenly, he released the pressure off of your neck and you took a deep breath in, your red face trying to tame itself.

As you panted, Changbin teased you. "So what were you saying about me not being able to absolutely destroy you?"

You playfully, lightly shoved into him. "Shut up. Knowing that, I don't know if I want you to walk me back now! Wouldn't want to risk anything, ya know?"

"I promise to not use my skills anymore tonight. Deal?" he laughed and held his extended arm out for you to loop your own into.

"Deal," you smiled and wrapped your arm around his, starting back on the journey to your original destination.

As you went to turn your head, you noticed something in the corner of your eye. A dark figure gently shifted in the shadow behind the restaurant. Fully black clothed, mask on his face. But the shoes- the shoes were a dead giveaway.

'Aren't those the shoes Jungkook was wearing earlier?'

You'd never forget them. Black, but with golden laces and a bit of golden detailing on the slight platform. You'd made a mental note earlier of how nice they were. You could barely make them out in the darkness, but there was no mistaking that they were the same pair.

You were looking back now, trying to make full eye contact. Why wasn't he coming to say hi to you?

His body shifted back further into the unlit cove.

An overwhelming feeling of uneasiness washed over you. You snapped your head back around to the front, focusing now on your walking. You started to pick up the pace as best you could.

"Woahhh, you okay?" Changbin said, noticing the shift.

You honestly didn't know.

'Why would Jungkook be here? Let alone be lurking in the shadows instead of coming to talk to you?'

'He knew you'd be here,' you told yourself. 'And he knew you'd be here with Bin. Is that what this is about? He's jealous already? Jealous enough to freaking follow you around all night? How could he not "trust you" if you weren't even together?'

You felt your heart begin to race inside your chest. Looking down at the ground, you whispered, "Binnie... I may be paranoid but think I might be getting followed."

Your strides were even wider now, as Changbin tried to follow suit.

"Why? Did you see something?!"

"There's this guy I know standing back there at the corner of the building where it was totally dark. I told him earlier that I'd be here with you. He didn't even acknowledge that I was here. Please just get me home!"

You both started moving as quickly as you could toward the end of the street, rounding a corner. You looked back to see if Jungkook was still in site. You didn't see anything, but that didn't mean he wasn't still following.

Changbin flagged down a cab and pushed the both of you inside.

"The JYP Building, please. Quickly." he instructed the cab driver.

"That's the opposite direction of my hotel! Here, it's actually-" you tried to chime in until Changbin cut you off.

"If someone is following you, do you really want them to know which direction to take for your hotel?"

'Good point.'

"JYP Building please!" you yelled toward the cab driver. You clung tight to Changbin's arm, swerving your head frantically to get a view through all of the windows.

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✨ Continue to ➡️ Chapter 6

✨If you enjoyed, please consider liking, commenting, and/or re-blogging <3

✨author's note: i know the past few chapters have been a bit tough, but i promise the next chapter starts to look up :)

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theplotdemandsit · 4 months ago

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I not sure what was the show first idea when they show that version of Ben on the Subway in season 3 finale, they say it was the sparrow one traveling, but man that hair and the book? There's a lot of scenes with kid Ben and ghost Ben reading books, it's inevitable not to think about the deleted possibilities.

How do you think would be the interaction between og Ben and sparrow Ben if they met in season 4?

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.

Man, I miss Umbrella Ben.

See, Ben was the only one who, ironically, seemed to have a head on his shoulders. Sure, Five is smart, but he is also emotionally constipated like the rest of the family. Ben was not only smart, observant, and witty, but he also showed that he cared deeply about others. His emotional quotient (EQ) is much higher than the rest.

So for Umbrella Ben to meet Sparrow Ben would be a laugh. I get the feeling they would bond over books since—you know—that's what books do.

What you read next is mostly just me projecting my nerdiness onto Ben. So basically it's not great but hopefully answers your question!

Somewhere, in some AU that may or may not exist….

Ben claps his mug on the table, and the amber liquid sloshes off the sides. “Who’re you?”

“Ha! Hear that, Klaus? He’s asking me who I am.” The look-a-like in front of him suddenly turns serious. “I’m asking the questions here, Bub.” The kid crosses his arms over the chest—a look which might have been menacing had the corners of his mouth not been twitching and his glare a little less star-eyed.

“Come on, Wolverine!” Klaus says, slapping one hand on Ben and the other on…Not Ben. “Let’s all get along, now. You’re both beautiful.”

Not Ben laughs, and Ben finds himself blinking at the sight. Did he ever look like that when he laughed? It was like a completely different person.

It is a completely different person.

Ben growls and takes another sip from his mug. Klaus and Pseudo Ben are on the other side of the bar, pouring themselves drinks and clinking their glasses together like children having a tea party.

And he was not jealous.

What was the purpose of Klaus inviting him over? To brag about how their Ben was back? To show off the much nicer, better version of himself? Well Klaus could go—

“You idiot!” Their Ben suddenly shouted, smacking Klaus over the head. “You know you can’t take medication with alcohol! Give me that.”

“Back off! I always get all sniffly after getting wasted, so I’m taking my vitamins now rather than later.

From what Ben could see, Klaus had only had a sip of whatever cocktail he’d made for himself. Plus he was pretty sure there were lots of vitamins that didn’t have an interaction with alcohol. “Actually,” he starts, “if you—“

Umbrella Ben snatches the pills away despite Klaus’ lament about it only being Vitamin C and leans over near Ben to whisper in his ear.

“But we don’t tell him that. Get me?” Then he winks. Like it’s some sort of inside joke.

Ben frowns. “Right.” Though he’s not exactly sure what he agreed to. Or what Lookalike Ben thinks he was even going to say.

Up close, Imitation Ben notices the book Ben kept in his satchel. “Anna Karenina?” He asks.

Ben’s frown deepens. “Yeah. What’s it to you?”

Fake Ben shrugs and pulls away. “Nothing. I was just thinking that Karenina is kind of sad.”

“Yeah, well, the characters are interesting and the writing is flawless. So to each their own.” Trying to forget the cringe of what he just said, he reaches for his mug again, ready for the other him to retreat.

Instead, a goofy grin appears on AU Ben’s face. “Have you ever read Crime and Punishment? Now those are some solid characters. Plus a happy ending.”

Now Ben’s interest is piqued. He narrows his eyes. “Happy ending, huh?”

“He’s working towards redemption. I’d say any ending with hope is a happy ending.”

“Who?” Klaus asks, pouring himself another drink.

“Raskolnikov.”

“Bless you,” Klaus says.

It was a happy ending, Ben thought. Despite the crimes Raskolnikov committed, there was someone who loved him and believed in him even when he didn’t believe in himself. For some reason, Ben always found himself drawn to the story, relating too much to Raskolnikov at times and trying not to hope too much for a Sonia he was sure would never come.

Looking into his own eyes across from himself, he sees that this Other Ben understands that. But, unlike him, he’s somehow smiling.

Ben twirls his mug around on the counter. After a moment, he turns to Ben 1.0 and asks with a smirk, “Ever read Faust?”

#asks #the umbrella academy #ben hargreeves #crime and punishment #my writing #though this one is kind of garbage #sorry

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giantmushyfriend · 1 year ago

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It's not a want, your honor, IT'S A NEED

Okay, okay, okay.

Y'all, I'm snowed into my house after Iowa just got slammed by a lot of snow, so I predict some cabin fever mess to spew from this page (I'm sorry).

ANYWAY

So, we all know how Michael Sheen was on the celebrity episode of the Great British Bake Off, and he was an absolutely chaotic and competitive little shit. Michael always jokes about his competitiveness, but he just came out of the gates swinging, acting like the chaotic little Welshman he is. And we loved it. How could we not? Michael is so loveable, even when he's causing chaos and making Wales 4 Ever treats. That being said, I vote Michael comes back for another episode.

But Giantmushyfriend, I hear you ask, won't that be repetitive and boring?

No, because not only is Michael unpredictable and very funny, but also because two other people would be joining him: his TV husband, David Tennant, and Neil Gaiman, the destroyer and repairer of all hearts.

There are so many different ways this potential episode could play out, and it is the best thing the Great British Bake Off could produce. Because just think about it.

Michael would inherently go back to being the chaotic menace we all know he will be. He'd come in with the attitude, "I performed great the last time I was here, and I am going to do great again, and if I don't, then at least I'll be cute."

David would come in, and everyone would expect him to be all nice because he's practically known as the Patron Saint of Pleasantness in the acting world, but he turns out to be a menace. I can picture David either trying to create an alliance with Michael, trying to impress Michael, or trying to demolish Michael. There would be no in-between. In the case of the third scenario, I can practically hear David saying, "Listen, Michael Sheen is a dear friend who I love immensely. Top of the line, man, Michael. However, I am going to annihilate him- exterminate him." Because, as Georgia has warned us, he would be insufferable.

Either way, every compilation of David and Michael acting like a married couple for X minutes would get new content, and Anna and Georgia would get a good laugh.

And then there's Neil, the mastermind. Neil would be a more secretive, chaotic force brewing beneath the surface. He would seem all nice and just happy to be there, enjoying making some goods and having fun. But behind the scenes, he's turning people against each other and watching them take each other down. Because Neil is an evil mastermind, we've seen it with all of his works. He's a writer. He knows how to cause conflict. And he will wipe the floor with David and Michael, alongside everybody else. There would be a slew of "Neil Gaiman Big Brain" compilations and edits all over the Internet, all of which would be retweeted by Michael, who is salty about it. And we would relish in it.

Listen, this would be my Roman Empire. I don't know who I need to write for this to happen. I don't know how hard I need to grovel at God's feet for the Earth to be blessed with this, but I need it so biblically. I'll grovel harder than Aziraphale, but for the love of all things both Holy and Unholy, P L E A S E

@goodomensonprime

P L E A S E

#neil gaiman #michael sheen #michael sheen being a menace to society #david tennant #david tennant being a menace to society #chaotic welshmen #the old man of port albert #neil gaiman being a mastermind #the great british bake off #but not really #celebrity great British bake off #I am foaming at the MOUTH #GBBO celebrity #not a good omens post #Ik #shocking

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savage-kult-of-gorthaur · 8 months ago

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"DARTH MAUL IS MORE INTELLIGENT. TOAD IS A BIT MORE SLIMY, CREEPY..."

PIC(S) INFO:: Spotlight on promotional wardrobe/makeup shots of Scottish actor/stuntman, Ray Park, as mutant supervillain, Toad, from the American comic book/action movie "X-MEN" (2000), directed by Bryan Singer. 20th Century Fox.

RAY PARK: "Yeah, you see my face more so than you do with Darth Maul."

IGN: "Cool -- What's your Toad costume like?"

RAY PARK: "I wear a variety of different things. Mainly it's all loose clothing. I don't know if I'm allowed to say until the release of the movie. But it's totally different from Darth Maul."

IGN: "Between Maul, Toad, and the Headless Horseman, you're carving out quite a career as a bad guy."

RAY PARK: "Oh, you never know -- maybe in my next movie I'll be a superhero. It doesn't bother me, because bad guys are fun. I don't know what it is about bad guys. But when I play Toad, I don't think, "I've got to be totally bad." With Darth Maul, he's evil all the way -- you have to think evil. Toad's a little different in a way, but still menacing."

IGN: "How is he different?"

RAY PARK: "Darth Maul is more intelligent. Toad is a bit more slimy, creepy -- he's like this little thing you can't get hold of. He always wriggles his way out. But Darth Maul is hard. He's just hard from the minute. He's cocky -- he knows he's good."

IGN: "What else can you tell us about "X-MEN"?"

RAY PARK: "Not much. I'm in it, and I play Toad. I don't have any prosthetics. I think you'll see my face -- I've got some slight color to my face. And I get to use some of my martial arts and acrobats in it. I think the quality of acting will be good, because you've got Ian McKellen, Anna Paquin, Halle Berry, Hugh Jackman, and Patrick Stewart. I'm trying to learn as much as I can just by watching them. I have dialogue in it, too, so that's a big step for me."

IGN: "Will we get to hear your voice?"

RAY PARK: "Yes, I've been told it will be mine. Toad is actually an English character in the comic, so it works out well for me. I don't speak how I speak now -- I try to tone it down a little bit deeper. I've been working on it -- Bryan Singer is great to work with."

Sources: http://m.ign.com/articles/2000/02/10/ray-park-talks-about-toad-in-x-men & Pinterest.

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blackfeatherdragon · 10 months ago

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YGO Zexal Daemon AU

-A lot of the younger characters are unsettled, including Yuma himself.

-Shark and Rio are unsettled too, but are considered at the older end of the typical unsettled range at 14.

-(It's because they're technically Barians/their bodies technically died for a little bit when they were younger. Their daemons are there and act perfectly normally, they're just...not settled.)

-(Shark is sensitive about it.)

-Tron used to be settled, but his forced deaging caused him to become unsettled.

-The Arclight crests, in keeping with them being bound to their souls, appear on their respective daemons.

-In addition, losing while controlling powerful Numbers doesn't put them in comas. Instead, it just causes their daemons to be taken, causing the unfortunate victim to become a souless husk of themself that will only focus on whatever they're told to do and, perhaps, trying to find their missing daemon.

-Thankfully Tron does return their souls/daemons like in canon, but Yikes.

-Also, Tron insists on referring to his sons and their daemons under the same names. III and his daemon are both referred to as just III, IV and his are collectively just IV, and likewise with V and his. After all, to Tron, his sons are just pawns to use, so why refer to their soon to be forfeit souls as separate entities?

-This also makes it harder for the Barians to infiltrate since with the exceptions of Shark and Rio, they don't have daemons. Good fucking luck doing anything.

-Kaito has...some sort of bird of prey daemon. Great for when he has to glide anywhere, vaguely menacing if played right.

-IV has a lion daemon. Loyal to the pride/family in the end, looks sleek, but have you seen how cats play with their prey?

-III has some sort of small dog/terrier. Intensely loyal to his family and ready to both kill and die for them.

-Anna is the youngest settled character, with a wild boar daemon. Just like you don't mess with boars, you don't mess with Anna.

-While Shark's daemon is unsettled, she does tend to preference large predatory forms.

#yugioh #ygo #yugioh zexal #daemon au #kaito tenjo #iii arclight #iv arclight #michael arclight #thomas arclight #tron arclight #byron arclight #anna kozuki #yuma tsukumo #ryoga kamishiro #rio kamishiro #what's v's daemon- i do not know i haven't pinned him down yet

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allinmycorner · 3 months ago

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Welcome to Week 2 of Dancing With the Stars, celebrating the magic of the movies!

The show opens with Alfonso and Julianne pretending to be on the red carpet and interviewing the judges, altering real movie titles to make them dancing themed. Carrie Ann acts like she's really on the red carpet, Derek hams it up and Bruno is such a menace, it sets up a "We Don't Talk About Bruno" joke. You're a few Disney Nights too late, show.

Anyway, Alfonso and Julianne explain that the show has had some Academy Award winners and nominees compete before and they felt it was a great way to celebrate the movies. Each couple would dance to a song from a movie that had been nominated for an Oscar over the years. Since no one was eliminated last week, their scores and votes from the premiere would be added to their scores and votes from tonight. Then, at the end of the night, there would be a double elimination.

So who had the Time of Their Life and who got told they were going? Find out!

Tori and Pasha: I was surprised that Tori went home so early. She was a pretty good dancer and seemed likeable. I guess the audience had other plans. But before she was eliminated, she danced a rumba to "This is Me" from The Greatest Showman, which is apparently her and her children's favorite movie. She clearly had a personal connection to the song and it meant a lot to her. She needed a little more work and maybe her moves didn't flow as well as they could've but it was only Week 2. Maybe she would've gotten better, maybe not. But now we'll never know.

Anna and Ezra: I was not surprised by Anna's elimination. It was really clear that she didn't have the audience support if Carrie Ann felt the need to comment how the atmosphere changed in the ballroom. I don't think that's ever happened before and this show once had Sean Spicer, who was also a polarizing figure. Her quickstep to "Suddenly I See" from The Devil Wears Prada was good technically but you could see that Anna looked so bored. The people on the show showed her more compassion and kindness than she ever showed them and I think this was the right decision.

Chandler and Brandon: Chandler knew she had set the bar high in her first performance but was willing to keep exceeding expectations. Her rumba to "What Was I Made For" from Barbie was a great second dance. It was sensual and conveyed the emotion of the song well.

Dwight and Daniella: This week, Daniella and Dwight had to figure out how to dance in hold with their height difference since they had the foxtrot. It took some work but they figured it out though I still felt like Daniella took every chance she could to leave hold when they could as they danced to "City of Stars" from La La Land. I got a little worried at the end when he started to spin her as I thought Carrie Ann would ding them for a lift but it does seem like Daniella's foot remained on the floor the entire time. But Dwight did handle the slower dance style well and exuded elegance. I think he needs to work more on her frame but I think that will improve as he and Daniella continue to find out what works best for them.

Joey and Jenna: Joey struggled with the more sensual aspects of the rumba and so Jenna had to call in the big guns - her husband, Val. Can I just say that I love that the pros are willing to help all the contestants and don't feel like they can't help the competition? Val gives him some pointers and Joey gets more comfortable. He and Jenna danced a beautiful rumba to "Shallow" from A Star is Born. I think he needs to open up a bit more when dancing but he's making good progress.

Stephen and Rylee: After getting compared to "Clark Kent" during this summer's Olympics, it's unsurprising that Stephen ended dancing to the iconic theme music from Superman. He even had a great quick change from a suit into his more patriotic costume. I felt he was a little weak during the part he did by himself but once Rylee joined him for the rest of the paso doble, he was more confident. I think he'll get more confident in himself as the weeks go on, especially if he can handle a hard dance like the paso this early in the competition.

Danny and Witney: Danny got to dance a jive to "Danger Zone" from Top Gun and he spoke about how much his grandfather, who was a veteran, meant to him. He also revealed that if he hadn't become a professional football player, he would've joined the military. He and Witney had a good jive together and I think Danny is good technically and capturing the spirit of the dance. He needs to work on making his routines a bit more polished. There were parts of this that felt a little rough.

Ilona and Alan: I love watching Ilona dance. She's just a lot of fun and may even have a budding career in acting if she wants. She and Alan danced the salsa to "I've Had the Time of My Life" from Dirty Dancing and she handled the routine pretty well. I think there may have been some issues with the first two lifts she and Alan did (when they flipped each other) but it didn't hurt the routine much. I also like that they included a version of the iconic lift and that people could see you didn't have to be petite to be lifted in the air.

Phaedra and Val: I like Phaedra but her foxtrot to "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" from Dreamgirls fell a little flat for me. But I don't really blame her. I kinda put it on Val. It was mostly the choreography. I get that it's still only week 2 but there's a really big note in the song that I think could've used a bigger move than what they did. Val needs to push her a bit more. I think she'll surprise him and us.

Brooks and Gleb: I'm not sure why Gleb chose this story for his and Brooks' quickstep to Dolly Parton's "9 to 5." Brooks is a dancer who seems to be struggling and wants to leave but her instructor Gleb refuses to let her. Given that the movie is about woman taking down their toxic male boss, this seems like an unusual choice. And while the quickstep was nice it just didn't wow me like I wanted it to.

Jenn and Sasha : Jenn and Sasha danced first with a tango to "A Little Party Never Killed Nobody" from The Great Gatsby. The tango aspects of their routine was nice but I couldn't help but feel the song was better suited to either the quickstep or the salsa. Jenn pulled off some nice tricks but I think she and Sasha need to step it up or she might get stuck in the middle of the pack.

Eric and Britt: Eric and Britt took a field trip to the Academy's museum to prepare for their waltz to the theme music from The Godfather. While they admired the costumes, she also arranged for them to watch when Eric was nominated for an Oscar. He's touched by the gesture. As for his dance, it was a little better than last week's, probably because the waltz is slower and he may have shaken his nerves. I'm still surprised he was kept over Tori Spelling and I'm not sure how much longer he'll last but he seems to be having fun and I think that's all that matters in the end.

Reginald and Emma: Unsurprisingly, Reginald was given Die Hard as his movie. He danced a paso doble to "Ode to Joy," dancing with Emma who I assume was supposed to represent the terrorists from the movie. He wasn't as smooth as Stephen in the paso doble but he still managed to handle the harder steps. I was afraid he was going to go over Tori but not really surprised that he was saved. He's likeable and honestly, he's one of the last of the group of "America's Dads." It's going to take a lot for people to vote off Carl Winslow.

Dancing With the Stars took a week off due to the Vice Presidential debate and Governor Walz did make a comment about them interrupting the show, so maybe he's a fan? Anyway, the week off allowed me to catch up. I hope I don't fall behind again since there will be two shows coming up. On Monday, we'll have Soul Train night with guest judge Rosie Perez. And on Tuesday, we'll have Metal night with rumored guest Gene Simmons from Kiss.

I don't know if we'll have eliminations both nights or a double elimination on Tuesday, so I guess we'll have to wait to see. And I imagine we'll have another disruption next month for Election Night. So we should probably prepare for that as well.

See you then!

#dancing with the stars #abc #season 33 #tori spelling #pasha pashkov #anna delvey #ezra sosa

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ecargmura · 2 years ago

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Buddy Daddies Episode 4 Review: This Family Has A Single Braincell

Thank you for enjoying my review of the first three episodes so far! I'm glad people are enjoying them! I'm happy to write them too!

This review can be found on my blog, which you can click here. If you don't want to read it there, proceed below.

There’s no action in this episode, but it does keep the zany comedy that the first two episodes had. I enjoyed it a lot, surprisingly! It did a good job of balancing the wholesome and comedic portions it presented throughout the episode.

This episode, Kazuki and Red are thinking about what to do with Miri. She’s a menace and only burdens them with their chores. Kazuki realizes that sending her to daycare might be the best for them as it can give her time away from home to socialize and get an education while Rei and Kazuki can focus on their chores and jobs. However, as two people with no idea how society works, they’re clueless on how governmental stuff works and eventually forges papers that can help Miri enroll in daycare. Is it that hard to enroll in daycares in Japan or is it for comedic purposes because Kazuki and Rei never experienced this before?

I really like how Miri is their top priority in this episode. Making her happy is what they’re trying to do. From forging documents to buying her all the clothes and toys she wants, they’re doing their best to be the best parents for her. They even made her a room! How sweet is that?

Ms. Anna from the daycare is a standout character in this episode. She’s sweet and wholeheartedly accepts Miri and her fathers; she does not question why Miri has two fathers, but does praise how lucky she is to have two fathers who love her, to which Miri becomes happy. The fact that she’s the one who tells Kazuki about Miri’s inability to make friends and how she suggested that they buy cheap, common items for Miri to help her fit in better. She’s so great. I hope she appears more later on. Her presence is wholesome.

Most of the comedy in this episode stems from Kazuki and Rei not knowing how to function properly in normal society and it shows so much. They’re clueless about government offices; they buy really expensive suits to show off on Miri’s first day; they buy so much clothes and toys for her without a care in finances. The episode reveals that Rei is wealthy, so the money is most likely from his pockets. I really like the segment of them going to the cheap store and buying everything they see without a care in the world; they all enjoyed their time too!

I’m surprised that no one really questioned Kazuki and Rei’s ‘relationship’ in this episode. Like, the papers Kazuki forged had him and Miri’s name on it, but their address is Rei’s. Do the people who saw them assume they’re lovers without verbally stating it? Do people think they’re roommates; no ordinary roommates would go to lengths to go to government facilities and daycares together. The fruity radar is off the hook! I wonder what sort of story the people around them think of them when observing them. Since the papers had Kazuki and Miri’s name on it, I assume people would think they’re relatives, but where does Rei fit into the equation? I know things will get questionably fruity in the future, especially with the moms and their hilarious group chat messages—another highlight of this episode; the moms are a MOOD.

One last thing I want to point out is Rei’s voice throughout this episode. From the first three episodes, Rei doesn’t really raise his voice or speak up a lot. However, this episode shows Uchiyama’s vocal range as he voices Rei’s excitement at the store. I really liked how he delivered his lines in this episode. The scenes where Rei tries to escape and Kazuki drags him back are HILARIOUS! Oh and Kazuki’s hilarious outbursts are another highlight. Toyonaga and Uchiyama are amazing voice actors; I want them in another anime together again!

I hope we get more of the action soon since this show is about two assassins. We haven’t had them do assassination jobs in two episodes. I hope the next episode gives us a return of the action. I really liked the action scenes in this anime; the first two episodes were so well-animated even from the perspective of a viewer like me.

#ecargmura #arumjournal #buddy daddies #review #anime #anime review #kazuki kurusu #rei suwa #miri unasaka #Anna Hanyu #winter 2023 anime

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kittyandco · 2 years ago

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i'm thinking about OUAT again, lord help us all

but i am kind of surprised that hans was in it at all. i know that he's an important part of anna and elsa's story, but everything else that they're in besides original canon just excludes him anyway? so it probably wouldn't have made a positive difference to literally anyone else besides his fanbase because he is an extremely polarizing character, which i think is hilarious given how forgotten he seems to be by the larger population, but if you ask a disney fan (particularly a frozen fan) you will more than likely get a PASSIONATE answer (even if the haters try to hide their passion. hate/loathing/disgust are still passionate feelings, and there are so many of those modern disney villain takedown vids. so y'all often do care), at least in my experience

ANYWAY, i know that OUAT basically includes in every character from the fairytales used in it, but i'm still surprised. and in reading some older takes from when it was first airing, i feel like we couldn't have expected anything better...

he was a bit goofy and not subtle, but i don't think his appearance was unforgivably abysmal, either. sometimes i have to be like "okay no one likes him the way you do and so no one will write him the way you do" 😭 sometimes it's hard to separate myself from my feelings, and i know a lot of fans are the same way because we spend so much time studying him under a microscope like a germ-- IT COULD HAVE BEEN A LOT WORSE...

i think he was funny. and hot. it didn't make me too mad and that's all i can ask for. he does deserve more dignity in his media appearances though (even though frozen fever was HILARIOUS I'M SORRY)... i want to see him be dangerous and menacing and powerful and mean 😍😍😍😍

even tho i want more out of him from somebody SOMEONE PLEASE DO HIM RIGHT BECAUSE I CAN ONLY CARRY BUT SO MANY GREAT IDEAS AND RIVETING CHARACTERIZATIONS ON MY BACK, i will still take what i can get if it's anything like OUAT. end of story

#i'm talking to the wall here #but there were Things I Remembered so i had to yell #💕 love is an open door

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aokozaki · 1 year ago

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Kuro can look menacing, silly, or even downright adorable. What a great character. Also that chibi art Anna posted had her with paws. But she doesn't have paws so those are kitty gloves.

The mental image of her or Tsubasa buying those...

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sinistersinister · 1 year ago

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dragula finale liveblog, under the cut. i'll just make one post and type in it as i watch.

warning: spoilers ahead

first thought: a lip-synch? may the best monster win? this is just goth rupaul i guess.

second thought: the boulets are gorgeousssssss i LOVE their headpieces. anna-varney CUNTodea more like

skipping most of the confessionals. i want to be surprised. but i did catch nio's and it's like hoso's, part 2, but it's an important message and it still feels fresh.

love throb's filth idea.

ork remains colombian tommy wiseau. "my filth look is inspired by this... fucking GROSS slug... i found one time in a bathroom."

ork is such a sweetheart. i do not get why the fandom on reddit seems to hate him. i think it's probably classism and maybe a bit of racism. he's like what jay kay said they were-- up-front and honest and 'telling it like it is.' unlike jay kay, ork can actually dish it out AND take it, it seems like. (i do not dislike jay kay, but the way they were portrayed on the show made it seem like they were immature but not in the fun way. i do love a shit-stirrer but i like someone who's more incisive and self-aware about it.)

throb is very sincere and a bit socially inept. which i find charming.

i would have loved to see more of blackberri beyond 'nicey cutie with a beard.' like that weird tangent a few episodes ago about the christian traveling puppet show. like what? hello??? that was FASCINATING? she spent too much time being the producers' friend and not enough time being blackberri. imo.

at this point (~20 minutes in) i think nio's taking the crown.

FILTH TIME!

first thought: ork needs more goop for his slug to be gross. it's just cute, not filthy.

second thought: oh. oh THERE'S the slime. i am literally gagging so that's a good indication this was a 'successful' look. not the first time i've seen that pose from ork tho. nonetheless i would have liked more slime. it's a 'fucking GROSS slug,' so i want slimes and goops!

first thought: blackberri doing some christian puppetry callbacks with that suit. i think that's a good idea. playing to her strengths. it's kind of cute and menacing in an '80s mascot costume that was left in a warehouse and is now mildewed and spooky' way.

second thought: insufficiently filthy. ohhh you ate a raw fish. and? and? put more gross trash in your mouth! nose fell off too!

first thought: throb is also not sufficiently gross. but i love the lewk.

second thought: nvm i am again litcherally gagging. i have a thing about bubbly fluids and i was never more glad for 'switching tabs and looking away.'

fist thought: NIO OH GROSSSSSSSSSS. nio proving that the filthiest thing......is racism U___U. also slopping around in rotting food. that is also very nasty.

second thought: idk there was more potential for nio being gross. she came out so strong and i was underwhelmed by how gross she didn't get. make soy sauce come out of the pig foot strap on!!!!

winner: throb. i think a filth look is successful if it makes me feel sick.

post-show: oh, i didn't know ork was trying to literally puke. it would have been SO good if it had worked. next time put some ipecac on that tail, ork!

HORROR TIME

woah ork has great taste in obscure scary movies!!!! blackberri has a great taste in classic horror movies!!!! the girlies have done the reading!

nio: this could have been a glamour look. giving TITTYcut follies. i think the bodysuit was underwhelming though. same with the hairography.

blackberri: LOVE the idea and i think the execution is 80% there. the glittery blood is SO good. i just wish the skin looked more like skin and less like a trash bag? also lol at the silly little heels.

ork: jesus christ

throb: eh, whatever. why the pregnancy? i liked how unwholesome and distended the belly looked. maybe they could have leaned into that more?

winner: ork. i mean. come on. runner-up: blackberri based on concept alone.

GLAMOUR

oooh i just noticed the boulets' glove nails. we looooove

nio: best face, absolutely the most glamorous face. the bodysuit is good but i think it needs more rhinestones, or encrusted jewels from the sea, or something.

blackberri: nice but not especially glamorous? idk. i need more. and i haaaaated the necklace. it felt so out of place and like something i could get on aliexpress for 10 bux (and not in the ork "make something that cost next to nothing into art" way).

ork: i don't think it's uhhhh glamorous in the conventional way. i like it but i don't get 'glamour' from it. i think the number one ork critique (he can only do one thing) applies here.

throb: lmao this IS goth rupaul. complete with rose petal reveal. weird chest piece too. but unarguably glamorous. face was so good. also, they had the best performance. you can tell they were a burlesque performer. also, their gags finally worked :3 yaaaaay!

the music reminds me of the birthday massacre. nostalgic, to me.

winner: tie between nio and throb. this glamour section was probably the weakest of the three sections.

alright. all the sections are over.

based solely on the floor show i stand by my original assessment that it's nio's show to lose. throb (not memorable but quite good at what they do) and ork (one-trick pony, but that pony can fuckin PERFORM) tied for second. blackberri should not have made it this far. i do not think there should have been a top 4.

judging panel boulets again steal the show. i adore the wigs with the spiky sparkly gelled (?) points, and the luxurious big fluffy (feathery?) collars.

why tf are they hyping blackberri so much? what kind of dirt does she have on them? did something get lost in translation? is it something you have to see in real life and you're missing something otherwise?

aw at the boulets being nice to nio.

love the final lewks. my favorite is ork's because it's a callback to the dbz-looking thing he had for the blacklight challenge. nio's underwhelms me but it's a smart choice for if you're dunked in blood. the makeup is killer. throb's is ehhhh. blackberry's is quite glamorous and put together but insufficiently goth/weird for me. i do like the face pearls though!

YAAAAAAAAAY I WAS RIGHT NIO WON. and ork clapping his flippers in delight again :3

anyway. good season i guess. i hope jarvis is in a mental space where he's good to compete again for titans. and i hope there's nothing terrible that happened between nio and ork.

#dragula #spoilers

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bibliophileiz · 2 years ago

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Ranking Keira Knightley movies I've seen

Found this ranking I made of Keira Knightley movies in one of my old notebooks and had to share with the world this new year's eve (worth noting that some of them like Imitation Game and Anna Karenina weren't originally on the list, so I added them tonight)

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace - Keira Knightley is not in it enough. when she is, she's indistinguishable from Natalie Portman. 1/10

Princess of Thieves - baby Keira Knightley chops off all her hair and makes me bisexual. is a cutie with a reasonable amount of chemistry with the charming love interest. wins over grouchy dad by saving england and being good at archery. 8/10

King Arthur - Keira's acting is great but i don't think the writers knew what to do with her. i do love her costumes though. 5/10

Never Let Me Go - i barely remember anything about this movie. book was probably better. -1/10

Atonement - OMG!!! the PASSION. the YEARNING. this is the first tragic WWII romance i ever experienced and it DELIVERS. mostly though it's the green dress. the one she's wearing when she has sex with the faun from the narnia movies. that green dress belongs in Titanic or something illustrious. i don't think this movie's appreciated enough. i think it's time for a rewatch. 12/10

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms - little known (no one but my mom and i ever saw it) but holy SHIT is the world missing out. Keira puts on this high-pitched voice as the EVIL SUGAR PLUM FAIRY in a giant tuto. she is by far the best thing about the movie which unfortunately is lackluster in every way. 6/10 and all 6 are for her

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World - this movie should not be allowed to be so darn cute when it's about the literal apocalypse but it is and Keira is cute in it. she gets to go on a roadtrip with Steve Carrell in hopes of seeing her parents again before a giant meteor hits the earth and kills everyone. has a surprisingly touching ending. 8/10

Begin Again - i like anything where Keira sings. she's also a good role model for mark ruffalo's daughter in this. not my favorite John Carnye movie (that would be Sing Street which came out three years later) but definitely watchable. 7/10

Love Actually - why didn't they let Keira do anything in this movie? -2/10

Imitation Game - more tragic WWII stuff, though not as gutting as Atonement. Keira gets a turn playing the normal (albeit v. smart) person playing opposite Benedict Cumberbatch being weird. she does just as good a job as Martin Freeman while being way hotter. (also helps that the movie is better written than Sherlock.) her story isn't the tragic part and i'm not going to make jokes about Alan Turing who deserved much better than he got. 7/10

Anna Karenina - despite plalying the character whose name is the title, Keira was not in this enough. costumes were good but movie was approximately 1000 years long. still haven't forgiven my college boyfriend for making me watch it. -5/10

Pride & Prejudice - not my favorite Austen adaptation but you can't say Keira's not having the time of her life. she's a little giggly -- Elizabeth is more dry -- but she's definitely pretty and does a good job with the material given. Rosamund Pike may be the only person as good as her. 6/10

Bend It Like Beckham - the movie that launched a thousand lesbians. Keira gets put on the map as a tiny cute blond tomboyish lesbian soccer (ahem, *football*) player. she's a treat. 10/10

Pirates of the Caribbean - THE Keira Knightley movies. the dresses? check. the sword fighting? check. Pirate King with men falling at her feet? check, check, and check. best thing about the triology. got to kiss three dudes (sao feng doesn't count), gives a rousing third act speech, and gets to be the character who got the "keeps removing weapons from more and more illogical places on her person" trope. plus she sings! (a little.) disney did not deserve her and neither did any man in those movies. (orlando came closest though) 10 million/10

#keira knightley #pirates of the caribbean #bend it like beckham #princess of thieves #atonement #imitation game #nutcracker #king arthur #pride & prejudice #begin again #seeking a friend for the end of the world #i actually have seen the duchess as well but i don't remember much about it either so i didn't include it.#also i can't stand ralph fiennes except in prince of egypt so #ALSO really want to see colette

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mariacallous · 1 year ago

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Is liking Ayn Rand a personality defect? Before she was the godmother of American libertarianism, Rand was a writer known for insisting on the virtue and beauty of self-interest. To her admirers, her books, including “The Fountainhead” and “Atlas Shrugged,” celebrate exceptional men and women who make their own flourishing a moral imperative. To her detractors, Rand’s novels, as Lisa Duggan writes in her 2019 study “Mean Girl: Ayn Rand and the Culture of Greed,” glamorize rapacity and violence; they grant happy endings to characters who showcase “contempt for lesser beings and a cool indifference to their suffering”; and they “provide a structure of feeling—optimistic cruelty—that . . . underwrites the form of capitalism on steroids that dominates the present.”

Since Rand’s death, in 1982, she has been embraced by tech billionaires (Peter Thiel, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk), free-market politicians (Ronald Reagan, Clarence Thomas, Rand Paul), and their acolytes. Elsewhere, she has become a pop-cultural bogeyman, ridiculous but unkillable. Find her on “The Simpsons” (“Russian weirdo Ayn Rand”), “Parks and Recreation” (“a terrible writer”), “Girls,” “Watchmen,” and “The Mindy Project,” invariably dressed as a menace or a punch line. The presence of “Atlas Shrugged” or “The Fountainhead” on a bedside table or Tinder profile is a waving red flag—reliable shorthand for latent sociopathy. A friend, in order to lend me a copy of “Atlas Shrugged” for this piece, stowed the paperback in a manila folder that she then stapled shut and handed off to my partner at their mutual workplace. He smuggled it down the hall and into his bag. “I didn’t think I’d get fired” if anyone saw the book, he explained, “but it wouldn’t look great.”

In “The Book of Ayn,” a novel by Lexi Freiman, Rand takes on a new role: North Star for the cancelled. Anna, a mid-career writer who comes from money, has just published a “contrarian” novel about the opioid epidemic, a satire of the rural poor full of “bad haircuts,” “misspelled tattoos,” and pants-shitting. “I had honestly believed I was writing a book so good it metabolized its own badness,” Anna explains, somewhat touchingly. Instead of the acclaim she expects, Anna gets dropped by her publisher and ghosted by her friends; even her old prep school rejects a last-ditch job application. On Twitter, she is enjoined to jump off the balcony of her pied-à-terre on Madison Avenue and to use her novel as a parachute.

Worst of all, a review in the New York Times suggests that Anna is that current-day bête noire, a “narcissist.” Devastated, Anna borrows a friend’s book on narcissism and reads that narcissists are “selfish, arrogant, and insecure,” “grandiose and fragile and incapable of handling any threat to their identity,” and that they “saw themselves reflected back everywhere, made grand narratives of their lives, but felt at their core that they were empty.”

To Anna’s horror, the descriptions remind her of herself. She is empty, she realizes. She doesn’t believe in anything; all she can do is make fun of people. Seeking a counternarrative, Anna gloms on to a tour group discussing Ayn Rand in a coffee shop and, soon after, orders a bundle of her works. She’s immediately enthralled. The books argue that “selfishness was a form of care” and that “wealth was a beautiful thing.” They claim that “true freedom lived . . . in the breaking of bonds and severing of ties.” As Anna reads, she feels her weaknesses becoming strengths. Her selfishness, she realizes, is radically ethical. She may not get invited to parties anymore, but she wouldn’t enjoy them anyway—she’s too radiantly liberated.

In “The Culture of Narcissism,” his famous 1979 study, Christopher Lasch writes that the narcissist can only overcome insecurity “by seeing his ‘grandiose self’ reflected in the attentions of others.” Freiman slyly casts Rand as Anna’s “grandiose self,” the mask she pulls on over her pain and vulnerability. Anna, you might say, has suffered a narcissistic injury and is turning to Rand to preserve her positive self-image.

An elderly millennial in the shitposting era, Anna shrouds her new obsession in layers of self-protective irony. Rand’s ideas give her solace, and being a “ ‘Randgirl,’ ” in scare quotes, appeals to her contrarianism, her desire to provoke and outrage the commenters who want her to jump off a balcony. When Rand was in her late thirties, she moved from New York to Hollywood to write for the big screen. Anna decides to follow in her footsteps. She decamps for Los Angeles and reinvents herself as a television writer, pitching a sitcom, inspired by “Bojack Horseman” (although she swears it’s not), about a farm animal named Ayn Ram. Even as Anna hopes to rehabilitate her hero for a contemporary audience, she places some distance between herself and her subject by wrapping Rand in the soft wool of humor—a defense mechanism that Freiman suggests originates in a tragedy in her early life. When Anna was three, her infant brother died “for no reason” in his sleep. Provocation “smoothed the edges,” she says, a fleece that muffled the sharpness of loss.

With its undercurrent of childhood trauma, “The Book of Ayn” evokes Mary Gaitskill’s classic treatment of the Randgirl plot, “Two Girls, Fat and Thin,” from 1991. That book’s narrator, Dorothy, imprints on a Rand-like character named Anna Granite after being abused and molested by her father as a teen-ager. “By the time I was seventeen, I had a very negative view of life, and a horrific view of sex,” Dorothy tells Justine, a journalist writing an article on Granite and her fans. When she discovered Granite’s books, Dorothy says, “suddenly a whole different way of looking at life was presented to me.” Ostracized at school, she draws comfort from Granite’s depictions of “proud outcasts . . . surrounded by the cold glow of their genius and grace.” In bed with her father, she clings to a dream of “strong, contemptuous beauty . . . indifferent to anything but itself and its own growth.” Dorothy comes to believe in a philosophy called Definitism—Gaitskill’s thinly veiled version of Objectivism, the doctrine developed by Rand—and it confers on Dorothy the power and value that she believes herself to lack; Granite herself seems to nurture the girl in loco parentis. As a college student, Dorothy buys an interstate bus ticket to attend one of Granite’s speaking events and imagines her idol, how “she would look at me and know everything I’d endured.” At the lecture, she weeps uncontrollably, convinced at last that she is “damn strong,” that she is “worth something.”

“The Book of Ayn” and “Two Girls, Fat and Thin” plead for sympathy for the Randgirl. Like Freiman’s Anna, Gaitskill’s Dorothy is a case study in vulnerable narcissism and, ultimately, a figure of pity. She retreats from the world and into daydreams about Oz and Never-Never Land, epic tales in which she plays the hero. She hides behind delusions of grandeur, raging when Justine asks her “stupid” questions. These are broken people to be handled with gentleness, the novels seem to argue.

But, in fact, both books have a more subversive intent: to trouble the distinction between Randians and everyone else. In “Two Girls, Fat and Thin,” Justine, the freelance journalist who interviews Dorothy, is disgusted by Granite’s ideas. She’s identified as “neurotic” and Dorothy is not; the contrast between them conjures Freud’s dichotomy between pliable patients who obediently adopt the terminology of their analysts and difficult patients who prove too self-absorbed to undergo transference. But Justine, who, unlike Dorothy, is pretty, thin, and popular, incarnates Rand’s notion of the beautiful brute more than Dorothy does. As a girl, she picked on schoolmates who had fewer friends; at one point, transported by “swelling arrogance” and “boiling greed,” she sexually abused a weaker child with a toothbrush. The more Gaitskill reveals about her characters, the more they blur together, as both selfish and selfless at once.

In her penetrating monograph “The Selfishness of Others: An Essay on the Fear of Narcissism,” Kristin Dombek describes a narcissistic behavior called “splitting,” wherein the narcissist idealizes that which soothes him and discards that which causes him pain. “Splitting” is also the main structural mechanism of the two novels—and a mental trap that both their protagonists and their readers must resist. Like “Two Girls,” “The Book of Ayn” is built on a seemingly clean division: Part 1 tells the story of Anna’s intoxication with Rand; in Part 2, Anna, breaking violently with Objectivism, goes to a meditation camp on the Greek island of Lesbos to try to murder her ego. Freiman’s Los Angeles is a cesspit of superficiality and selfishness, but the “Beloveds,” as the cultists who run the retreat in Greece call themselves, aren’t much better. The group’s master is known for his collection of three hundred and fifty Harley Davidsons and for releasing “a vicious strain of European bee into the hostile neighboring farmland.” Other seekers at the commune steal Anna’s clothes, cheat on their partners, and neglect their children. Anna, unconsciously emulating Rand, begins a love affair with a much younger man, a refugee from an unspecified war-torn country. Life on the commune can’t heal the effects of his “hard-core trauma,” he tells her. Only Hollywood can; he longs to “try the acting.”

So is everyone a delusional, self-serving, trauma-masking Randian narcissist at heart? You could call that the lesson of the Randgirl novels, although you’d be underselling their sweetness. The books mock their characters, but they also argue that egoism can be nourishing and even generative. Gaitskill’s treatment of Anna Granite, for instance, is unexpectedly sympathetic. When Dorothy first meets her idol, the older woman models kindness and empathy. Dorothy panics, unable to speak; Granite, Dorothy says, “stood and gripped my shoulders with both hands . . . her eyes radiated the gentlest strength I had ever experienced, her tough, hot, callusy hands supported me with the full intensity of her life.” Granite tells Dorothy that she can see her suffering but also her resilience and value. She offers her a job. Because Granite has willed herself to believe in her own worth, Gaitskill hints, she is alive to the worth in others. And, in awakening Dorothy to her own inner resources, Granite awakens the young woman’s sense of her fellow-humans as sovereign selves. In the hours before Granite’s lecture, Dorothy is transfixed by passing faces: “the jowls, the eye wrinkles, the bumpy noses, the flower-petal quality of young female skin.” When Dorothy was in college, individuals had streamed together into a monolithic threat. But “as I walked among the citizens of Philadelphia,” she says, “I felt as though I occupied a compartment of personal space that they instinctively respected as I respected theirs.”

Freiman finds less to salvage in Rand’s life or work, but the novel is rightly skeptical of the wellness industry’s promises to subdue the demands of selfhood. After failing to make a TV show and then failing to kill her ego, Anna takes stock. She comes to realize that she can’t write without self-esteem—and that writing, more than being a contrarian or even a good person, is her vocation. “There was only one thing that ever helped me,” she says. “One thing that had always been there, strung up at the threshold of my mind like tiny golden lights, enchanting me into life, dangling its whimsy and warm lozenges of hope.” This thing is writing—“only writing promised me happiness, or at the very least progress”—and the type of writing Anna wants to do, voicey and spiky and singular, requires an “I.”

Unlike the self-aggrandizer, the artist, Freiman implies, uses her “I” as an alloy, creating a material both durable and porous, blending what she has felt to be true with what she imagines might be true for others. The writing that Anna intuits will save her dangles at the “threshold” of her mind because it directs her both in and out. Throughout the novel, as she flails around trying to fill her perceived emptiness, what she fills it with are the words, ideas, and lives of roommates, romantic partners, Internet commenters, friends, influencers, yoga instructors, cult members, Antifa activists, and embarrassing conservative philosophers. She reads their books, goes to their events, and stays in their homes. By the end, her “I” has been vastly expanded: other people live in her head, whether she wants them to or not, shaping the innermost contours of her self. This vision of identity as plural means that self-assertion does not necessarily come at the expense of the rest of the world. It could even be a declaration of life on another’s behalf.

Both Freiman and Gaitskill play up the Möbius-strip aspect to selfishness and selflessness—when I stand up for me, they suggest, I am also standing up for you, because we are intertwined. At their most persuasive, though, the Randgirl novels don’t applaud the morality of self-interest so much as they paint self-absorption as a useful but transient phase. Freud characterized narcissism as a form of arrested development. The narcissist, instead of sprouting healthy attachments to others, remains stranded in the oceanic self-involvement of infancy. Gaitskill and Freiman rescue this creature from a state of frozen pathology, returning her to her rightful place within a developmental stage. Dorothy and Anna, perhaps, are just passing through necessary bouts of self-infatuation on their way to maturity. Late in “Two Girls,” Justine comes to appreciate the role that Granite played for Dorothy, even as she believes that Dorothy has outgrown Granite:

When you read Granite’s work not only did she awaken your sense of beauty and pleasure in life, not only did she illustrate for you a positive use of strength and power, but she provided a springboard for you to create an internal world richer and stronger than the external world which wasn’t giving you any support at all. But she was only the departure point.

Instead of a bogeyman or a red flag, maybe Rand is just a set of training wheels, or a trellis on which characters can temporarily support their unfurling selves. “Everybody had a moment of loving Ayn Rand,” Anna’s mother tells her—it’s a low point for our Randgirl, but a reassurance to readers, who are happy to welcome this lost sheep back into the herd. ♦

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