#Anita I miss you

[oddlty]

Apex Legends, and the Legends only, come visit my Direct message box on Instagram at STPD_Ace to be welcomed with open arms

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[christiangeistdorfer]

racing driver ANITA TAYLOR, 1960s

[argentoau]

missing her*

*anita fite

[boxforblackpaul]

Anita Lane

[rafecameronssl4t]

Could you do reader and rafes reaction to when they found out easer is first pregnant for the force’s marriage au? LOVED the first part!!

First pregnancy || Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

A/n: this fic is a 100% how i think rafe and reader would react in this situation

Warnings: mention of pregnancy, angst if there's anything else lmk

Word count: 1,457

MASTERLIST (forced marriage au masterlist)

divider by @h-aewo

You flip over the pregnancy test, your heart sinking as you see two lines. Of course. It was inevitable, given the life you’ve been cornered into. You sigh, throwing the test into the bin with a mixture of resignation and dread.

Leaning against the cool marble sink, you catch your reflection in the mirror—your eyes heavy with a sense of inevitability that’s become all too familiar. The pristine bathroom feels suffocating, its sterile white tiles and polished fixtures reflecting the stark reality you’re trapped in.

Leaving the bathroom, you make your way downstairs to the living room, each step heavy with the weight of what this means. Rafe had left for work a few hours earlier, leaving you alone in the house. It’s been this way for a while—his absence during these crucial moments only magnifies the distance between you.

The quiet of the house, broken only by the soft footfalls of the servants, feels more isolating than comforting. In the corner of your eye, you notice Anita descending the stairs. She’s one of the few people who’ve been with you since you were young, a steady presence in the chaos of your life.

You assume she’s just finished cleaning your room, making everything perfect as always. “Anita?” you call out, your voice softer than intended. She stops, turning to you with a gentle smile that’s both comforting and bittersweet. “Yes, Miss?” she replies, her tone warm and familiar. You look up from your phone, hesitating for a moment.

“Not a word to Rafe, please,” you say, your voice firmer this time, carrying the weight of the secret you now bear. Anita’s eyes soften with understanding. She doesn’t need any more explanation. “Of course, congratulations to you both. Your parents will be overjoyed, they’ve been waiting for this,” she says before continuing on her way.

Her words hit you like a blow to the chest, knocking the breath from your lungs. Of course, your parents would be thrilled. This is all they ever wanted from you and Rafe—a continuation of the family bloodline, a legacy to carry forward. They didn’t care if the two of you were unhappy, if this marriage was more a prison than a partnership. As long as the family name persisted, nothing else mattered.

~

"Where is she?" Rafe's voice echoes through the quiet house, sharp and impatient. Anita’s calm response cuts through the tension. "She isn’t feeling well, Mr. Cameron," she says, her tone polite and soothing. Rafe grunts in acknowledgment and takes his seat at the dining table, his eyes scanning the empty chair opposite him—usually filled by you each morning.

Later that day, as you and Rafe drive to your parents' house for lunch, a wave of nausea washes over you. You place one hand protectively on your lower stomach, the other coming up to cover your mouth as you close your eyes and focus on steadying your breath. Morning sickness has been relentless lately, more intense and persistent than before. While you’ve managed to keep it hidden from Rafe up until now, the strain is starting to show.

Rafe’s gaze flickers to you briefly, his eyes narrowing with concern. Without a word, he reaches into the console and retrieves a bottle of water, handing it to you with an absent-minded flick of his wrist. He doesn’t even glance at you as he passes it over. "Thanks," you murmur, your voice barely audible as you unscrew the lid and take a slow sip, your eyes fixed out the window.

As the car rolls to a stop in front of your family estate, Rafe is already unbuckling his seatbelt, eager to get this over with. But before he can move, you reach out, your hand covering his, halting his actions. He glances at you, confusion etched across his features. You swallow hard, struggling to find the words, your eyes searching his before you turn away, staring blankly out the windshield.

You feel his gaze on your side profile, waiting, perhaps sensing the gravity of what you’re about to say. "I'm pregnant," you finally admit, your voice barely above a whisper. The words hang in the air between you, heavy and unyielding. You feel Rafe tense beside you, the atmosphere in the car growing thick with unspoken emotions. His reaction is immediate and sharp, cutting through the silence like a knife.

"Are you seriously telling me this right now? Just before we see your parents?" His voice is laced with anger, catching you completely off guard. You turn to face him, your expression one of disbelief. Is he seriously getting mad right now? Of all the reactions you had braced yourself for, this wasn’t one of them.

"I just told you we're having a child, and this is how you react?" you snap, incredulous. Your disbelief quickly morphs into anger as you watch him look away, his jaw clenched in frustration. His silence only fuels your rage. "Fucking unbelievable," you mutter under your breath as you unbuckle your seatbelt and shove the car door open.

The door slams shut behind you with a resounding thud as you storm toward the front entrance, your emotions boiling over. You’re only a few steps away when you hear Rafe’s car door fly open, followed by the sound of his voice, sharp and laced with frustration.

"What do you expect me to say when you just laid that out on me?" he calls out, his anger evident in every word. You whirl around, arms crossed tightly over your chest, your eyes narrowed as they lock onto his. His expression is a mix of confusion and fury, as if he’s grappling with the enormity of your news and how it collided with the timing.

For a moment, neither of you speak, the tension between you crackling in the crisp air. "I expected you to care!" you finally snap back, your voice trembling with the weight of everything unsaid. Rafe’s eyes widen, caught between defensiveness and something that almost resembles guilt. "I do care," he retorts, his voice softer now but still edged with frustration. He takes a step closer, closing the distance between you.

"But you couldn’t have picked a worse time to tell me. We’re about to walk into your parents’ house, and you drop this on me like it’s nothing?" You can’t help the bitter laugh that escapes your lips. "You think I planned this? That I wanted to tell you in the driveway? I’ve been dealing with this alone, trying to figure out how to break it to you. But every time, you’re either too busy or too angry for me to even get a word in."

His expression falters, and for a split second, you think you see a flicker of understanding in his eyes. But it’s gone as quickly as it came, replaced by the familiar mask of indifference. "And you thought now was the best time?" he asks, shaking his head in disbelief.

"What do you want me to say, Rafe?" you ask, your voice raw with emotion. "That I should’ve kept it to myself? Pretended everything was fine until it wasn’t? We’re having a child, and I needed you to know before we walked in there and pretended to be the perfect couple again."

Rafe looks away, his jaw clenched tight as he struggles to process the situation. You watch the conflict play out in his eyes, the tug-of-war between the emotions he’s expected to feel and the reality of what he actually feels. His frustration is palpable, and after a tense moment, he sighs heavily, bringing his hands up to massage his temples.

"Can we just get through this lunch, please?" he finally says, his voice soft, almost pleading. His tone catches you off guard—there’s a vulnerability there that you’re not used to hearing from him. You stare at him, torn between wanting to push the conversation further and knowing that now isn’t the time.

His request isn’t unreasonable, but it stings nonetheless, a reminder of the emotional distance that still exists between you. "Fine," you reply after a moment, your voice tinged with resignation. "But this doesn’t change anything. We still need to talk about this—really talk about it."

Rafe nods, his eyes briefly meeting yours before he looks away again. "I know," he mutters, his voice barely above a whisper. The weight of the unspoken hangs heavy between you as you both turn toward the imposing front door of your family estate, ready to face the charade of normalcy that awaits inside.

[goldsbitch]

Hypochondria

part 4 to p1, p2, p3

He can sense her emotions, she feels his pain. Baby steps, that's the only way to go.

author's note: guess who's back - and a promised smut chapter turned into slow burn. any reported typos are appreciated. there will be p5.

"I'm sorry, Lando - this all just so bizarre. I'm barely taking it in. Literally don't understand how you're so calm."

He laughed gently. "Well, I did have few extra days to process. And hearing my name roll of your tongue is distracting enough," he said flirtatiously.

Her cheeks went red and her mind stopped, head getting filled with desire and lust. Lando's lips turned into a wide smile, him feeling her arousal as if she was screaming it loudly to his face.

"Glad to see my words have an effect on you. This is indeed going to be fun..."

Lando was on cloud nine. He was just staring at her as if she was a miracle. Her deep eyes unable to stay away from looking at him and lips that had a silent invitation written on them.

He was high on the way how relaxed she felt, proud that he made her feel like that. It was as if there was no yesterday or tomorrow. Just them and the couch. And after few moments of silence and collecting his bravery, Lando leaned in and kissed her.

It was clear to him from the moment he took her upper lip in that he'd give anything for this moment to take at least a thousand years. She did not hesitate and kissed him back immediately. The sweetest touch a woman can give. Leaned in and let nature do its miracles. He smiled into her lips and pushed himself closer to her, making her sink in the couch.

It was right then when a loud, impatient knock nearly sent them both into shock. Lando froze and back away from Y/N little bit, furious with whomever that dared to disturb a key moment in their lives.

"Lando, I apologize, but we have an urgent matter on our hands."

He rolled his eyes and let a deep breath out, recognizing the voice of his workoholic PR manager. This was not the first and probably the last time he had to tell his team off in the dark of the night. Internet never sleeps.

"Can it really not wait this time until tomorrow?" he said before he gave Y/N shameful and apologetic look. She just kept herself quiet, sunken into the comfy couch.

"I'm afraid we will need some immediate action," came from behind the door after another impatient knock.

Lando got his phone out to check the time, only to see 17 missed calls from several people.

"Ok, I'm coming."

He half opened the door to a very flustered PR manager, who looked like he was about to announce a coming tornado. Lando just raised his eyebrows, encouraging him to spill the beans and then planning on dismissing him.

"Anita released a break up TikTok. It's going viral."

As far as emergencies go, this one felt to Lando like a second-tier one. He was more concerned about the anxiety he felt coming from Y/N. Kind of wished she was kept out of it, for her own good.

"I'm sure we can address this in few hours," Lando replied calmly.

"She accused you of cheating. In a very colorful manner, I must say," the guy continued, as if he was not confident enough to fully explain the situation. "I'm in touch with her publicist, so that we can come up with a joint statement online. Apparently she won't talk to anyone but you."

Lando stayed silent, the only thing he really wanted was to close the door and return to the couch.

"We can't have another cheating scandal. McLaren will get involved," he pleaded once again in hopes of finally convincing Lando.

Deep breath. "Sure. Can I meet you at the lobby or somewhere in few minutes?" Lando caved in. A puzzled look flashed over his PR's manager, because usually Lando preferred to solve his crises in the comfort of his suite. The driver hoped no comment would come his way. After few seconds, the guy finally nodded.

"Understand, sure. I'll see if we can get the conference room."

He closed the door and tried to brace himself for any type of reaction Y/N might have. But deep inside he knew - seen it countless times. She abruptly got up, fixed her clothes, flashed him only one quick look before avoiding his face completely.

"Um, I'm gonna-"

"Yeah," he said, letting her pass by. The reality hit hard. She barely knew him. Somehow, the air got flooded with inescapable loneliness.

//

Y/N tried her best to follow her daily routine the following week. The memory of her running away from Lando's room like a little child chasing her like a nightmare. It was just so humiliating. The guilt, unjustified, was eating her up. She tried to stay away from social media, but her will was not strong enough. Late night scrolling included absorbing lot of Lando hate.

He also did his best to keep himself busy and focus on his job. If it had been any other person, he'd already be chasing Y/N down and try to reason with her, get this experience behind them and keep starting fresh. Perhaps he was lucky, that he knew her and if he's pushed immediately, she'd just hide even more.

He found himself on the track during free practice, constantly stealing glances over to the medical tents, just to get a glimpse of his guilt-ridden soulmate. All he wanted to do was shake some sense to her. That evening he finally snapped. No more hiding. He was about to get creative.

So there he was, alone once again, in a random hotel room, in a city he barely remembered the name of, trying to get a hand of morse code. Something he never thought would be his issue, ever. It was a shot in the dark. Pinch a message into his arm and hoping she'd understand his intention. After all, she felt his pain, so he figured if he was annoying enough, she'd have no choice but to show up. Many curse words were uttered about the absurdity and difficulty of it all, before Lando got a hand of it. He opted to focus on the rhytmn and after he felt confident enough, abandoned tapping into a table and began pinching his left hand.

Let's talk. Room 1014. Please.

Over and over again. It was so incredibly annoying. But, he was going to persevere even if it meant having a bruise tomorrow.

After what felt like like seven thousand years - a knock on the door.

This was it, he thought as he opened the door to equally annoyed person. She shot arrows from her eyes and he could not help but smirk. She cracked the code, but he won.

"Now, let's get one thing clear," she opened with, hands firmly on her hips, "you are not going to use this trick outside of an emergency. Ok?". Her face did this strange twitch, she obviously had a hard time admitting he won that round. He leaned over the door frame, not caving in to her anger. Stood like a patient anchor, waiting for the sea to calm down. She shifted her weight from one leg to another, failing at keeping her look so stern. It's been few days since they last locked eyes. She could practically sink in his. He just gave her a small nod, definitely not planning on misusing this ever again. Absolutely not.

"I'm glad you understood," he said and let her walk in. Was he nervous? That was probably the closest thing to describe it.

"I don't know the Morse code, so that made it super fun," she proclaimed and stopped in the middle of the living room, not sitting down on any of the chairs or couches.

"Me neither. But you better learn it, you never know..." he teased and walked dangerously close to her. She kept her gaze down.

She spoke before he could say any more cheeky lines. "So, I'm here. Anything specific you wanted to say that exceeded your ability of speaking in Morse code?" Her attitude hurt. However, he was not going to let her push him away so easily. "Y/N, this is not going to work on me. You can't push me away so easily, so just try and stop it. Please." Big gulp on her part followed by a light nod. "Good. Listen, I don't want to let this fizzle out so easily. It's hard to think about anything else once I've met you. I'm sorry about the whole break up mess. It's not fair to you. But, in my defense, I had no idea I'd just randomly be sat next to...you," he said, practically breathing out the last word.

She began walking frantically. "It's...um, it's a lot. Your world. And then the fact you seem to know things and are so far ahead in this game."

"It's not a game to me, Y/N," he said, watching her pace around the room.

She stopped by the bed and sat on it, finally able to look at him again. "Ok, bad word, but still," she paused and searched for the right words. "We have nothing to connect with...I mean nothing real."

Lando was not going to buy into doubts. His mind was set. Slowly, he walked towards her and sat next to her.

"Does it scare you? That you are tied to me basically against your will?" he asked the one thing he was afraid to hear the answer to. But he figured that the beginning was never suppose to be easy anyway.

"A little bit. Actually yes, it does," she said, in a strangely releaved tone and his heart sank just few stories lower. Lost in his own head, he nearly missed her giving up on sitting and landing on her back with a thud, eyes locked with the ceiling.

"I never liked being pushed into things. It's my life, I get to call the shots," she began to let her thoughts run freely.

"Choosing something that comes to you willingly does not have mean giving up your free will...I'd just like to at least give this a chance. I know already that I can't be your friend," he whispered, turned his look towards her and slowly lowered himself on his back as well, lost in his thoughts once again.

Lando's body laid still, but his heart was beating as if he was in the final quali lap. He had the advantage, drew the better card. Unique insight into another human's soul. Short cuts and few cheat answers for any test ahead of them. So why did it make him feel all the more lonely? He was reaching out, confused in the exact same capacity as she was, but she was not giving him much back. Yet. If was obvious. He was miles ahead of her, not thanks to his own doing. He could be there for her, but it would take some time and a lot of luck for her to be able to be there for her.

"Can you stay here? For the night?" he asked in a soft low voice, unable to hide his own vulnerability. "Not like, you know," he added immediately, hoping he comes off the least creepy as possible, "Just like this." Baby steps. He was praying for just that.

The body next to him also laid still in a very stiff manner, the exact opposite of relaxed. But the pull towards him was just too loud to resist. It was stronger than her. Curiosity tripped over the tiny fear inside her, grabbed the innate desire for human connection by the hand, and together opened the door for Lando to enter.

"Yes," she whispered, wondering if there is anything she wanted to add.

A small smile crept onto Lando's face. He got up and shot the light off. Both of them settled in a more relaxed pose, albeit still fully dressed. If by some miracle he manages to fall asleep, he will be waking up next to this magnificent, magical being for the first time. And hopefully not the last.

They laid next to each other, like the strangers they were, for few minutes, before she found her own little hand reaching out for his. Soft fingers mixed with his. At that moment, you could hear a pin drop. Lando's heart almost stopped, his breath caught in and resulted in gulp, too loud for the current setting. She could not help but smile and tried to hide it with pressing her lips together - even though it was dark night and both of them had their eyes closed. He mimicked her movements and traced her fingers as well. Every little place he touched burned with intoxicating intensity. He held her index finger lightly while she brushed up and down his thumb.

For the first time in years, Lando was careful. He'd rather lie next to her in silence than risking her wanting him to leave. The guilt from bruising her with his crash still hadn't left his mind. But when her hand crept more and more inside of his, he could not help but circle around it, until he was covering her hand completely. The air was still. Two scared souls discovering each other, tiptoeing around as if they were made of glass. Once Lando started drawing little circles on the palm of her hand, he finally felt her beginning to relax. He was still trying to get his mind wrapped around how the whole connection worked. Perhaps the more open she was to communicating with him, the more of a window he got. His next words slipped through without much of a thought.

"I've dreamt about you probably thousand nights."

Y/N could not recall the last time she heard a sentence that sounded so honest. Raw, it was almost childlike. She thought about her own countless nights when she slept alone and longed for a soul to crawl to. And also all those times she wasn't alone in the middle of the night, yet it still felt like eating someone else's dinner. The emptiness never truly filled. Hand never fitting someone else's like a well-fitted glove. Was there ever anyone who told her something like this before? Probably not. Of course not.

"I'm scared," she repeated.

"I know," he smirked for himself only. "I can feel it...But can you please tell me what's scaring you at this moment? I'd love to understand."

This time it was her who chuckled and squeezed his hand a bit. His heart once again beating so loudly he was scared she could hear it.

"I randomly meet this man, this devilisly handsome guy, who seems to know things I've never even told anyone, is hyperaware of my emotions, as if they were his own...How am I suppose to resist this?"

"Why would you?"

"If we proceed with this, I am basically allowing you to become a weapon designed to destroy me. If, or more likely when, I fall for you...How can anyone else ever top that? If you decide that you're bored with me, I'll quite literally only be left with bruises."

He listened to every word, as if it was a gospel, and this time took a second to calculate his response. Lando opened his eyes to try and see a glimpse of her face in the dead of night, only to find her already looking at him.

"As far as I remember, you were always a part of my life. The one constant that does not leave," he said and licked his dry lips. If she was becoming vulnerable, he'd have to do the same. "If I fuck this up, if you decide that I am not worth spending time with and if you walk away...I'll still be left with the glimpses. I'll have to watch from afar, knowing you don't feel this. Funnily enough, I'd argue that you have the option to choose. I don't."

"And do you even want it? Would you-" she tried to continue with her question, but he interrupted her immediately.

"Of course. Hundred times over. I know you're scared, but I am scared too. Because there is a perfect piece of puzzle right in front of me and if I fuck it up, I am ruined for life."

She only saw a small reflection of light in his eyes, but that was enough to understand he was serious. Her shoulders relaxed and she let a breath she didn't know she had been holding, out.

"Well, good to know you are a dramatic person," she responded, trying to lighten up the mood.

It worked, his small smirk entered the chat again. "Yeah well, get use to it," he said with a new found confidence, tried his luck once more and scooted over to her just a little bit.

"Sorry, there was a hard spot in the matrace," he said cheekily and closed his eyes, trying to play it cute.

His body heat radiated towards her. "Of course, a hard spot in this top-of-the-world matrace," she questioned his argument with a smile, his magic getting her head-over-heels.

"Yes, I'll complain with to the staff tomorrow, these things can really fuck up your sleep, you know."

"So true. And what, have you solved it now?" Another door opened. Lando smiled.

"Still not perfect," he remarked, pretended to have a moment to think and finally moved all the way next to her and put his arm around her. "Yeah, this is the only way I'm afraid."

She was glad his eyes were closed, because her smile was impossible to hide. Both of them were fully aware there is no hard spot on the matrace. "Of course it is," she commented, as she settled down in his embrace.

Her face was now settled in crook of his neck, her uneven breaths leaving goosebumps on his skin. His light stubble teasing her forehead. Once again, Lando was overwhelmed just how well she fit in his embrace. He had to actively try and breathe regularly, because he was anxious about giving away just how much he was enjoying having her in his embrace. Her hand was pressed against his chest and Y/N had to fight every cell in her body, because the urge to explore his body was overcoming her. Lando shifted a bit, having to to try and find a spot where his belt wasn't pressing on his body in a way that hurt. Immediately, he felt a sudden wave of guilt coming from her and she bolted straight up. Had he fucked it all up? He cursed himself, he should have just pushed through it.

He forgot to take in the fact she felt his pain. "What's wrong?" he asked shyly, as he also sat up to match her moves.

She took a deep breath. "I don't want to seem like I'm suggesting something, but can we get out of our daily clothes? I hate sleeping like that." Who would like that anyway, was the thought that crept into Lando's mind, but he kept it for himself, more than overjoyed that he didn't have to suggest that. "Sure, no problem."

"Do you have some t-shirt I could borrow?" she asked, turning on the light next to his bed, sitting with her back turned to him, perhaps trying to hide away. Lando tried his best not to get shaken up and loose his cool. This wasn't her running away and it was also not her suggesting anything.

"Of course," he said and got up to search up the best clean t-shirt her had. She took a deep breath as she tried not to stare, guessing by the sounds that he was getting undressed. But, as she did, she was happy he did not see her blush. Just like he did before, she forgot to take in account that he felt her sudden arousal and curiosity without having to look at her. For a change, he was happy he had his advantage. He peeked over to her, seeing her abrupt turn back. It was hard not to be amused by her.

"Here you go," he said as he strolled back over to her and handed her his t-shirt. "Don't worry, I won't look," he informed her and as the cheeky guy he was deep down, added his signature wink. "I'm sure there is an extra tooth brush in the bathroom, if you wanna join," he continued and walked over to the other side of the suite, hoping she was watching him walk around in boxers only.

Finally having some distance and a minute to contain herself, she carefully undressed, leaving on only her panties and his shirt on. Only then she noticed just how intoxicating his natural smell was. Knowing well enough she was doomed.

When Y/N finally joined him in the bathroom, he gave her the second toothbrush in silence and kept brushing his own teeth. It was refreshing seeing her in such an intimate setting. He tried as best as he could not to notice just how hot she looked in his t-shirt. Watching her in the reflection, he realized he never appreciated a moment like that with anyone else before. He smiled at her, because he could see her shy nature peeking through causing her hair behind her ear.

She was about to join him back in the bed when she saw him placed right in the middle of the bed, far from when was last time she approached him like that.

"It's the hard spot, there is no other way," he brushed over it nonchalantly and tucked himself in the bed. "Come on, here, here," he patted a spot next to him. In the dim light, with shadows only highlighting his toned chest, curly hair falling over to his eyes, innocent smile and opened arms, he was like a mystical creature created only to entrap Y/N. At least, that's how that felt. No way back.

She slipped in the bed with him, to the exact position as they were just minutes ago and turned of the light once again. This time, Lando was way more relaxed even Y/N noticed the difference. With each passing moment it was becoming less and less stiff or awkward. Comfort replacing natural stress of sharing a bed with a stranger for the first time. For a brief second, it was as if they'd done this every night before drifting off to sleep. Lando was happy to take things slow. Not expecting anything more. He was content with knowing she was not planning on leaving him there alone that night and that was enough. Not for Y/N. Her body was acting way before her mind could stop her. Her now warm fingers started drawing little stars on his exposed chest. It was peaceful. Until her finger moved a little lower. Another gulp from Lando. She felt him tightening his grip on her.

"Careful now...I might get the wrong idea," he breathed out for only her to hear.

Their lips were so riddiculously close, yet too far away. The only thing she wanted to do was kiss him. All restraint suddenly gone. But she needed to be sure - did he wanted to kiss her? If she dared to ask him, he'd laugh out loud at the obviousness of it all. Poor guy didn't notice her desire because he spent all of his energy trying to hide his.

She licked her lips. "Wrong idea...like sending me away?"

Loud sigh from Lando. "No..the wrong wrong idea," he whispered, being so close to her she could feel his soft breath, as he started to move his hard up her arm, under the t-shirt he gave her. She became very aware of the fact she was not wearing a bra, something Lando noticed the moment she came to the bathroom. His arm stopped momentarily at her shoulder. " Wrong idea that you want me to do this..." he continued moving his hand again, "...or this," reached up to her collarbone while pressing her closer to him with his other arm. "Or heaven forbid..." he whispered a question as his lips were nearly touching hers. Lando was too scared to make the first move, still afraid she might vanish into thin air.

She was brave enough to close the gap. "Or this." With that, she kissed him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

@ushygushybaby

[girlfromthecrypt]

I haven't posted to this account very much (or at all, really), so I figured I'd update you guys on the state of Such Happy Campers and Press Play. I don’t want to talk about the incident that led to me putting SHC on ice because it still rather upsets me, but honestly, I think it was a good decision. I was grieving the “loss” of SHC for a while, but I can't help but believe I made the right call. Continuing on under the circumstances would have drained me and likely taken me right down the road to writer's block.

Furthermore, and in hindsight, I find writing Press Play a lot more fulfilling right now. All my life, I've only ever written horror, so Press Play has been a wonderful breath of fresh air. It feels cathartic writing about struggles I myself have experienced, and it’s so easy to write about music. I love music so much, and I didn't realize how fun it could be to combine this with my passion for writing. You might have been able to tell from the sheer difference in word count between Press Play and SHC, but it's been so much easier working on this somehow. Also, I do believe SHC wasn't all it could have been. I only want to put out my best work, and I don't think SHC was quite on par with Press Play.

But what about SHC, you may wonder. Or you may not, but I'll address it anyhow. I have recently had an idea for what I might turn the original SHC into. It's only a vague outline right now and I won't turn it into anything more until I'm done with Press Play (I have learned that I can't really write several IFs at once, I'm not C.C. Hill), but I figured I'd let you know that the SHC characters aren't gone forever. My idea would involve the entire SHC cast, though some names/appearances/personalities may undergo changes. Also, I might exclude Anita because she was, admittedly, my least favorite to write and might not fit in with the new setting. Other than that, the IF would explore an interesting alternative to the SHC narrative— for example, the character equivalent to Basil Laurier would actually be a practicing lawyer in this one. Another prominent change would be the inclusion of Sawyer Wright-Garcia as a full RO. They’re the only one I actually have a clear mental image for as to where their story would go, and it is… nuts.

Without spoiling too much, the plot and setting would be very different. It'd be horror, except it'd start out very unassuming, light-hearted and sitcom-y, only to then spiral. I feel like I'd enjoy causing that kind of whiplash. Anyhow, that's that. I hope that if you liked and perhaps miss SHC, this post helped at least a little bit.

[brucewaynehater101]

I had an AU, that at this point is more of a headcanon for me, that I thought you might enjoy because it's a nice mix of angst, Tim not thinking things are as bad as they very clearly are, and some fluff.

So it's pretty widely accepted that the Bats don't really know anything about Tim's days with Young Justice right? Like they might know one or two small facts, but they don't know that the gang blew up Mount Rushmore, any of the times the DEO tried to arrest them and drag them into Government Labs for experimentation, or that time they went to a Disco Themed Hell with Supergirl. They sure as hell don't know about any of the things that happened with Secret and Harm. Even though Tim would canonically be gone for days at a time (some of his adventures, mainly the one when they were gone for THE ENTIRE WINTER OLYMPICS) with no one noticing. One time they were in space and had enough time to not only go to Darksied's planet but spent WEEKS there and when they got back still not even Batman knows that Tim was even gone.

Anyways, all this to say. If Tim vanished for a month or two and just said he was spending time with Young Justice again while sending in case files and stuff to keep Bruce busy, I don't think anyone would notice. Nor would they notice if he suddenly switched from being Right Handed to being Left Handed and then after months of practice he goes back to being right handed. It's such a small change after all.

So here's the headcanon. On a Young Justice mission, something goes horribly wrong and Tim full on looses his hand. It's simply gone. The reason no one knows or notices is that he got a robotic replacement, a very realistic looking one like Roy Harper has, that he spent a few months learning how to work with and then went to physical therapy for it for years. It's just part of his life now and he thinks everyone knows, after all. How could they miss it? Jason has seen his palm open with a screw driver deep in his wires. Jason thought he was still tripping from fighting Scarecrow a few hours before. Not a single person outside of Cassie, Tim, Kon, Bart, Greta, Anita, Slobo, and Cissie knows that Tim is missing his right arm just below his elbow for almost 5 years.

That is until Tim has been up for 4 days straight and Dick says something about needing a hand with something and in a moment of sleep deprived brilliance, Tim takes off his hand, and throws it at Dick.

Yes! I love this AU/hc. There is a fic that kind of has this situation: "I told you about that... Didn't I?" by weewoow_070603. Jason is the one to find out, though.

I like the details you added in this AU that the fic (as far as I remember) didn't add: Tim being gone is a regular thing, the fear toxin with Jason, the months of physical therapy, etc.

I do think something as vital as this would happen to Tim, and he'd just forget to tell his family. At first, he tries to hide it. He doesn't want to deal with their fretting, the lectures, the scolding, and them getting involved. He has it handled, after all. After a while, he forgets that he should hide it and why he did in the first place. Then someone finds out, and he's confused why they don't know such a common place thing.

I'm also super glad you tied in all those YJ examples that you did. People tend to focus on the space baseball or Santa Clause (which I love those events too), so it was refreshing to see other events as examples.

[alexiabae]

PUPPY; aitana bonmatí x fem!reader x ona batlle

Warnings: fluff.

Note: English is not my first language.

not my gif.

Aitana's jaw clenched immediately when she noticed who was laying on the ground. She ran quickly to her, pushing the rival away.

"¿Te has hecho daño?" Aitana asks, worry present in her voice. She knelt down, watching the pained expression on her face.

"My knee." Y/N mumbled, hissing when she tried to stand up, letting out a pain squeal.

Aitana grabs her hand and squeezes it, looking briefly at the player who did this. Her eyes transform daggers. And like what she wants to do to that player, someone else pushed her, exclaiming bad words. A tiny smile painted on Aitana's lips.

"They are coming." Alexia's voice broke her visual from the pair and Lucy separating her teammate from the rival.

Aitana saw how the medics came quickly, Alexia making room for them and looking to her friend laying there while sharing the worry that Aitana felt for Y/N.

"Ona, enough!" Lucy's thick accent was heard next to them, taking away the young defender.

Ona scowled when Lucy pushed her to another part and when her gaze saw the girl laying, her eyes softened.

"Is she okay?" Ona asked the medics, crouching down. Her hands move to take away Y/N's hands from her face, wiping her cheek when saw it dirty.

"She will, but she needs to be sub." One of them said, turning to the bench and doing a gesture with their hands.

"I'm going to kill her." Aitana growled.

"You are staying away from her." Alexia state firm, walking to where Irene and Keira are discussing with the referee.

Frido crouched down and moved some lock of hair away from her face, whispering reassuring things. Y/N whispered something too, something that neither Aitana or Ona could hear, seeing only how the Swedish nodded.

With a promise from the pair, Y/N was subbed off. Ona patted Aitana's back, talking with a look what they are gonna do.

But the plan came quickly to an end when Frido came towards them and threatened them with a surprisingly serious tone.

When the whistle indicated the final, Ona and Aitana ran in, not caring at that moment about anything more than Y/N.

The freckled girl saw her girlfriend sitting on her cubby apparently with nothing serious, she sat down on her lap and hid her face on her neck, depositing a kiss there.

"I can play the next game. They took me away for precautions." Y/N explained, hugging Ona.

Aitana walked towards them and stood in front, a hand on her hip. "You are forbidden to move today." She indicated, making her laugh and the brunette frown. "I'm saying it seriously."

Y/N snorted. "Believe me, I know." Aitana rolled her eyes and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

Ona, who is more permissive in that way, sometimes she ally with Y/N to lure her other girlfriend, that gave in after a while. So she knew later that day, she needs to intervene in the future discussion between Y/N and Aitana. But she missed so much that she didn't care.

"You two!" Once again, Alexia interrupted the atmosphere without knowing it. Ona moves out quickly, sitting to Y/N's left side. The midfielder walked in. "Do you think I don't notice your behaviour? And disappear when the match ends?" She stood up in front of them, crossing her arms with an authority face, but softening her features when saw Y/N. "Are you okay?" She asks softly.

Y/N nodding with a smile.

"We are worried." Ona said, shrugging while grabbing a bottle of water.

Alexia fixed her gaze towards her, raising an eyebrow to her answer. Her firmness is coming back to her face.

"Yeah... frequently it's been that way." The captain hummed.

Before Ona could answer, the chatter between Keira and Patri interrupted the interrogation.

"Whoa. Who is the guilt?" Patri teases when saw her captain position, walking next to her.

Y/N hides a smirk, watching the interaction.

"My choice is Anita." Keira joked too, throwing her right arm around Aitana's shoulder.

The mentioned rolled her eyes, while the other laughed.

"Well, mine is Y/N." Patri said. She notices lately the pair glued to her. The player raised her eyebrows, surprised while pointing to herself. "Yes, you. These two need to resolve their crush on you." The Balear smugly said, oblivious to the real situation.

Aitana blushed profusely while Ona spit the water she was drinking. Y/N patted her back a few times.

"Cállate." Ona muttered, throwing at her a knowing look. Lately Patri got to Ona to confess her love to Y/N, not knowing that she already did it.

Patri giggled and after checking on Y/N, she went to her cubby. Y/N and Keira engaged in a conversation, giving the opportunity to Alexia to bring with herself Aitana and Ona to another part of the changing room.

"Well?" Alexia asked after a few seconds, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms, the captain armband showing up.

The pair gave a look to each other, speaking with her eyes. Alexia sighed when neither of them said a word. "I don't know what is going on with you two following Y/N. It's okay if you two have a crush on her, but please, stop ac-,"

"Y/N is our girlfriend." Aitana said in a small voice, copying her captain and crossing her arms, her eyes looking at the floor.

Ona tried to hold a laugh when saw the older one open and close her mouth a few times, clearly not expecting this new information.

"Uhh?" Alexia hummed, very confused.

"We are in a relationship with her." Ona explained carefully, pointing with a finger herself and Aitana. "Weird?" She asks, calmly.

Alexia scratched the back of her head, nervous. "No... I don't listen to that frequently... that's all." She stammer.

"Then, do you understand why we worry about her, right?" Aitana said, raising her eyes to her friend.

The older snort. "Aitana, you are like a chihuahua with your teammates. You double it with her, also with Ona I still don't see it..." she joked, seeing the offending expression from the brunette and Ona laughing hard.

Ona's laugh called the attention from the others. Alexia chuckles discreetly while Aitana starts to protest. Y/N raised from her spot carefully and with the help of Keira and both of them walked towards them, Patri following behind.

"What is it?" Y/N stood next to Alexia, seeing Ona leaning on Aitana who was very offended and blushing, not caring about Ona at that moment.

"Alexia c-called your girlf-friend chihuahua!" Ona explained between laughs.

A lot of exclamations were heard. Some surprise noise escaped from Y/N's mouth, taking her with the guard off. Patri slapped her shoulder, a big smirk taking occupying her face.

"Your girlfriend?" Keira murmured next to her, copying Patri's smirk.

Y/N cover with a hand on her face, embarrassed.

"You two together? Shit Y/N, you mess up the bet." Patri said, remembering the bet some of them have on the three pairs.

Y/N frowned, putting down her hand and looking at Patri confused. This one received a nudge from the captain.

Ona stopped laughing, cleaning her cheeks from the crying. "What bet?" She said, frowning. Aitana stopped protesting too.

Patri looked like a puppy at that moment. Her gaze alternate between Alexia and Keira, avoiding the three involved one.

Alexia sighed deeply, thinking that of course, Patri is the one who could talk too much. Even if she isn't involved in the bet, she is aware about it.

"The one...," Patri started, undecided and swallowing. "We make a bet about who Y/N will start dating between you two..." she said in a small voice, guilty.

Y/N rolls her eyes. Of course her teammates would make a bet about them. She isn't mad with them.

"Are you three mad?" Keira asked, nervous.

Y/N shakes her head, making Patri and Keira sigh relieved.

"What about us?" Aitana scowled, indignant.

"Well, the main one we are scared of was Y/N. We can deal with you two." Patri said, an innocent smile painting on her lips.

"We can be scary too." Ona says trying to be intimidating.

Keira snort. "What?" Aitana said, starting to feel angry.

"Don't get mad, but you two are like two angry puppies. Y/N rarely gets angry and when it happens, everyone runs." Keira said, shrugging while smiling.

"She has a point..." Ona mumbled only at Aitana, coming to her head the times her girlfriend got angry with them.

The midfielder rolled her eyes, but remained quiet, agreeing silently with Ona. Y/N walked towards Aitana and wrapped her arms around her neck, the Catalan immediately wrapped hers around Y/N's waist protectively.

"You two look hot." Patri smirked, crossing her arms.

"I know..." Aitana said proudly, kissing Y/N's cheek.

"I want a kiss too." Ona complained, not caring about the other two who still don't know anything.

Before the pair could make a comment, Y/N unwrap an arm and wrap it on Ona's, smashing her lips on hers.

"WHAT!?" Keira exclaimed more loud than she pretended, muffling the squeal surprise Patri let out.

Y/N smiled on Ona's mouth, pecking it a few times. The young Catalan let out an enamoured sigh. When she turned to look at her friend, she saw how Patri and Keira had the same expression, making her laugh.

"Who won then?" Ona asked smugly.

"That's why they are always together..." Patri muttered to herself and looked at Alexia.

"Excuse me? I'm more interested in why you call me a chihuahua." Aitana said after a while, making them look at her silently. But soon they exploded into a loud laugh. Alexia rolled her eyes with a smile.

"I love you chihuahua." Y/N muttered on her lips to remove the piss from her face and was replaced by a small smile.

"Don't start to call me like that, please." She begged in a whisper, ignoring the laugh and tease from Keira and Patri.

"We will think about that." Y/N said, giving her a chaste kiss.

[disgruntled-detectives]

hi! are there any readings you would consider vital for a gentile wanting to learn more about judaism (or anything to avoid)? i would so appreciate any recs or advice you have, but please dont feel obligated. i hope you are well and thank you so much

Hi! Thank you so much for asking!

So here are some websites I wholeheartedly recommend for people who are curious about Judaism and want to learn more, but may not know much. It's where I started when I first started learning more about it.

Myjewishlearning.com

Jewfaq.org

I also super recommend the YouTube channel BimBam! A lot of it is geared for children, yes, but like a child, you are starting from scratch. There's a lot of really good information absolute beginner information given in bite size chunks.

Here are some books I recommend! A lot of these are super dry. I'm sorry in advance.

Essential Judaism by George Robinson (it's a bit of a tome, but it's really FULL of information)

The Jewish Book of Why by Alfred Kolatch

To Be a Jew by Rabbi Hayim Donin

Living a Jewish Life by Anita Daimant

To Life! by Rabbi Harold Kushner

Settings of Silver by Stephen Wyler

I also thought Judaism for Dummies was pretty good. I know a lot of people disparage the For Dummies books, but it was a pretty user friendly book of basic information.

Any recs I missed Jumblr??

[yrfemmehusband]

Debunking popular fake claiming points when it comes to tics and tourettes:

"I saw an older video where they didn't tic once!"

1. A trait of tourette's is waxing and waning tics. This means the diagnostic criteria takes into account that some people will go days to months without ticcing, or without ticcing severely.

2. Many of my tics are nearly microscopic. How do you know they weren't? Did you have a full body view of them? How do you know they weren't wiggling their toes nonstop, or maybe those couple of sniffs you wrote off were tics.

"their family/friends came forward and confirmed they're faking!"

1. My little brothers literally forgot I had tourettes. It can also be completely missed in childhood, many women and other people who were AFAB go undiagnosed until adulthood. Sweet Anita? She wasn't diagnosed until 27.

2. Family isn't always a reliable source and many people are estranged from family members, if you aren't very close with a person and their family, don't take their family's word at face value.

"sometimes they tic a lot, and sometimes you don't see it at all for hours/days/weeks!"

See point one about tics waxing and waning. You are literally describing a symptom.

"Every time someone brings up tics around them they start ticcing!"

This is literally how tics work. If you are reminded of them you will have them. Especially if someone brings up a specific tic.

"you can see they put thought and effort into their tics, tourette's doesn't work like that!"

Clearly, you don't know how it works if you're saying something like this. No one knows how it works or feels unless you have it. Sometimes it looks like I put effort or thought into a tic when it was entirely involuntary. Sometimes, I do put thought into a tic. There's a part of tourette's called a Premonitory urge and it's the feeling you get before you tic. If you wanna get the feeling to go away, sometimes it's better to force out a tic.

It's not helpful to anyone to claim someone is faking, EVEN IF THEY ARE. We will NEVER have any way of knowing if some random online is faking tourettes and honestly the tourettes community has bigger things to worry about, and so should you.

[study-trash-child]

Nonbinary Characters in Polish Dubbings

It's a very short list, there's a LOT more they/them characters in media but for many, I couldn't find any dubbed scenes of, and I can't afford to purchase every streaming service ever just to watch a short scene with that character so-

Onto the topic

I so stupidly enjoy finding out translation differences between languages, and what better topic that Nonbinary characters translated to a language that genders everything.

In Polish, if you say you did something, you change it depending on the gender

I was reading - czytałem (male) or czytałam (female)

I feel like it is becoming more popular to use "o" as a gender-neutral way to say something (czytałom) in friend circles but it's still faaaaaaar from being legally(?) recognized by many many other people and dictionaries.

But more on it later (kinda)

Some examples I found throught the years on how different shows handled the gendered words fir genderless/nb characters in Polish translations.

RAINE WHISPERS - The owl house

One of probably most popular characters here, Raine Whispers.

It's Disney. I think it answers a lot already.

The show already had one queer couple, why make another, Raine throught the show is using male pronouns but was voiced by a woman.

On my own note, I really was not a fan on how they changed things in the dubbing including many of the names (Amity-Anita, Willow-Witka, Flapjack - Franek)

The Collector's official pronouns are He/They but the They was simply ignored. 'Easy as that'

ANGEL and MEREKID - Craig of the creek

Never properly watched it but when we (aka my sibling and me being a parasite) had HBO I tried to find episodes with them to see.

There are 2 nb/agender characters in that show as far as I'm aware (for some reason I though there were 3, so sorry if there are actually 3 of them)

For one (Angel) they just used he/him.

Other episode with nonbinary kid (I believe it was merekid) is completly gone from hbo in my country.

(overall HBO has a strong problem with many episodes of shows missing, like Adventure Time missing around 30 episdoes...)

STEVONNIE and SHEP - Steven Universe

They just refer to Stevonnie as two people (we, for version that includes at least one guy. Since there is difference between polish we for only girls - robiłyśmy - and we for either girls+guys or only guys - robiliśmy - ).

SHEP

Well, uh. I believe there is some kind of dubbing for the "future" series but I don't have prime and so on so I can't confirm it as of now...Sorry :/

UPDATE: Managed to find an episode with Shep in polish dub. Shep is dubbed by a woman but the whole episode omits any kind of gendered words ("em" "am") by Shep and everyone else.

FRANKIE STEIN (G3) - Monster High

In the new cartoon and movie they are indeed referenced to as they. Even in polish dubbing Frankie uses "o" when doing something instead of just making them a girl (for both animated show and live action movie)

That's also a part of what I mentioned that the nonbinary way of speaking is becoming more 'common' in Poland.

DOUBLE TROUBLE - She-Ra

I adore them, honestly

Well, quick note or so on, their polish pronouns is He/Him (since thier body is more male presenting)

Also their name in polish is "Kłopotowski" I had no idea till now and I wish it stayed that way, I laughed

BATTLE KITTY - Battle Kitty

I so, so, soooo love this show/game (the ony interactive options is picking where you want to go next. It changes nothing in the story). It's not so popular because it's an 'interactive game' which means that many people didn't give it a chance or just skipped it but I beg you to watch it. Me and friend had a blast honestly. It's a 'game' so your only chance to see it is to watch it on netflix.

The main character Kitty is Agender and uses they/them pronouns which carries over to polish dubbing!

REVERSED EXAMPLE

Huuuuh, that's honestly unusual.

So-

Nimona, many loved it, it's a giant allegory for transidentity/ and gender fluidity. I watched it with my mom (hence in polish) that's why I even know of the change

In english Nimona refers to herself as a she and others refer to her as such.

!In polish though! (I will use Nimona's english pronouns)

While everyone else refers to Nimona as she (including Balister), Nimona refers to herself as they ("o"). Honestly, unusal, it took me a few takes of Nimona talking to herself to even catch that, not to mention be sure that it's an "o". So yeah, polish made a character even more queer! Honestly unusual.

Hope you enjoyed my little, not really insightful post. It's just something that I'm really interesed in thus decided to make this (albeit) short post. There's a lot of overall different language changes, including how polish really tries not to curse in trasnlation (amazing example would be deadpool 2) or other changes that are really random (spiderverse, the amazing digital circus).

Hey, maybe it will spark some interest in you too. Make check langauge differences as well, have fun! Or suffer. Probably the later one.

If you (somehow) have something you'd like me to check out translation vise, let me know and I'll try to do just that

Cheers!

Edit: Small add on, regarding the analisys.

You could probably figure it out yourself but it seema like big studios like Disney will be the ones pushing for characters to be of she/he pronouns. While smaller studios will have a better chance of character still being referenced to as they/them in other languages.

[rafecameronssl4t]

The Wedding + Honeymoon || Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

Summary: IM SO SORRY IM ONLY POSTING THIS NOW 😭😭

Warnings: angst, r smoking

Word count: 2,909

A/n: want to walk down the aisle to the instrumental of young and beautiful 🙏 ALSO I was kinda picturing Hailey Beiber's wedding dress for this but of course you don't have to imagine it like that if you don't like it :)

MASTERLIST (forced marriage au masterlist)

The golden sun dipped behind the verdant hills of Lake Como, casting a warm, golden glow over the shimmering water. Every detail of the wedding was pristine, carefully curated to exude opulence and elegance. Towering floral arrangements framed the ceremony site, their sweet aroma filling the cool breeze, while the gentle hum of a string quartet echoed across the villa’s courtyard.

Guests dressed in their finest murmured in hushed tones, their polite smiles hiding the intrigue and judgment bubbling beneath the surface. You stood at the edge of your suite’s balcony, your heart pounding in your chest. Your gown—an opulent creation fit for royalty—was a spectacle in itself.

The bodice was adorned with shimmering crystal embellishments that caught the light with every movement, cascading into intricate floral embroidery that wound its way down the fabric. Layers of silk and tulle fanned out into a dramatic, sweeping train that seemed endless, trailing behind you like a cloud of ivory and gold.

The weight of it wasn’t just physical—it was a burden, a reminder of the life you were stepping into. The veil, edged with delicate gold thread, framed your face like a halo, adding an ethereal quality to your reflection. The gown was breathtaking, designed to inspire awe, envy, and admiration from the guests below.

“You look stunning,” Astoria murmured, her voice soft but filled with practiced poise. She adjusted a stray piece of your veil, her eyes meeting yours in the mirror with a faint smile. “God, I feel like I’m going to be sick,” you muttered, your hand instinctively pressing against your stomach as a shaky exhale escaped your lips.“You’ll be fine,” Charlotte interjected gently, her cool hand resting on your bare shoulder.

Her tone was reassuring, but her eyes betrayed a flicker of worry. The room fell silent, the tension thick in the air. The distant hum of conversation and soft strains of music drifted in from outside, reminding you of the hundreds of eyes waiting below. You swallowed hard, your reflection blurring momentarily as tears threatened to spill, but you blinked them away.

This was your reality now, no matter how much you wished it wasn’t. “Miss de Loughrey,” Anita’s voice broke the silence, gentle but firm as always. Her tone was steady, but you could feel the hesitation behind it, as though she knew she was pulling you toward something inescapable. “It’s time.” You inhaled sharply, trying to summon the strength you didn’t have.

our hands trembled as they smoothed over the intricate beading on your bodice, a futile effort to steady yourself. “It’s really happening, isn’t it?” you whispered, barely audible over the pounding of your heart. Anita paused, her usual words of comfort failing her. For a moment, her resolve cracked, and the pity she tried to conceal flickered in her eyes.

"Yes,” she finally said, her nod small and measured. The weight of her confirmation settled over you as you turned toward the grand staircase. Each step closer to the aisle felt heavier than the last. The train of your dress, trailing behind you, seemed to anchor you to the ground, each inch of its intricate lace reminding you of the promise it bore: till death do us part.

The soft strains of a string quartet drifted up to meet you, their melodies as delicate as the tension that filled the villa. At the base of the staircase, your father waited, his face a mask of pride, but his approval was cold comfort. His beaming smile spoke of satisfaction, of accomplishment—but not of your happiness. This wasn’t about her happiness; it never had been.

It was about the de Loughrey legacy, the alliances your marriage would secure, and the image your family had cultivated for generations. The ceremony space was breathtaking, almost cruelly so. The glimmering waters of Lake Como served as the backdrop, framed by arches adorned with cascading flowers in soft whites and blush tones.

Standing at the end of the aisle was Rafe, the man who was now to be your husband. He was a vision of composure in his perfectly tailored tuxedo, his features sharp and unyielding as ever. His piercing blue eyes locked on yours, unreadable but unwavering. Was he as reluctant as you? Or was he simply enduring this as another obligation, another deal made in his father’s name?

The guests rose as the music began to play. Their eyes swept over every inch of you—the shimmer of your gown, the soft cascade of your veil, the careful control of your expression. Polite smiles were the only thing that masked their curiosity, the whispered judgments and speculations that hung in the air like an unspoken agreement. They were there to witness, not just the union, but the spectacle of it all.

Your father’s grip on your arm was unyielding, a silent command to maintain your composure. Each step you took felt like an eternity, each footfall louder in your mind than in reality. Your breaths were shallow, each step a countdown to a future you had no control over. As you neared the altar, you turned your head just slightly, your eyes scanning Rafe's family, their gazes fixed on you, expectant.

They were poised, their expressions unreadable but heavy with meaning. Then your gaze flicked to your own family. William stood tall, his presence solid and unwavering; Edward gave you a slight nod, his smile small but genuine—a flicker of something comforting in the sea of cold, calculating faces. Astoria’s gaze was sharp, her lips pressed into a thin line, but Charlotte’s eyes softened as she met yours, her silent support like a breath of fresh air in the suffocating tension.

Your mother stood at the end of the aisle, her eyes flickering with a complex blend of pride and something else—something less discernible but just as heavy. You felt their eyes on you, but it was Edward’s small, reassuring gesture that grounded you, even if only for a fleeting moment. When your father placed your hand in Rafe’s, the coolness of his touch sent a shiver through.

Rafe’s gaze locked on yours, his jaw tight. Was that regret flickering in his eyes? Or annoyance? You couldn’t tell, and it didn’t matter. You would never truly know what he felt because he never let anyone in, least of all you. The ceremony unfolded like a perfectly orchestrated performance. The officiant’s voice became a blur, the words washing over you like waves you couldn’t fight against.

Rafe’s vows were steady, precise, and detached—more like a contract than a promise. When it was your turn, your voice wavered, each word tasting bitter as it left your lips. You felt like a performer reciting lines in a play you’d never auditioned for. And then came the words you dreaded most: “You may now kiss the bride.” Rafe hesitated, a brief pause so subtle only you would notice.

He stepped closer, his hand brushing against your cheek in what should have been a tender gesture. But to you, it felt hollow, rehearsed. His lips met yours, soft but impersonal, a kiss meant to satisfy the onlookers rather than the two of you. A tear slipped down your cheek, unbidden, followed quickly by another. You tried to swallow the sob rising in your throat, but it escaped, fragile and raw.

Rafe pulled back slightly, his brows knitting together as he noticed your tears. For a moment, something flickered in his eyes—regret? Guilt? Confusion? He didn’t say anything, though. What could he say? This was the life they had both been forced into. The applause erupted, deafening and hollow, as you turned to face the guests. The petals they tossed felt like a cruel mockery, their smiles oblivious to the turmoil roiling inside you.

Rafe’s arm was linked with yours as you walked back down the aisle together, his grip steady but impersonal. When you reached the edge of the courtyard, away from the prying eyes and flashing cameras, Rafe finally spoke, his voice low and tentative. “Are you okay?” You turned to him, your eyes glassy with unshed tears. “Does it matter?” For a fleeting moment, his composure faltered.

He opened his mouth as if to respond, something unspoken lingering on his tongue. But then his jaw tightened, and he looked away. “No,” he muttered. “I suppose it doesn’t.” And with that, you both stepped into the waiting car, leaving behind the applause, the guests, and the illusion of a perfect day. But the tension between you remained, a reminder of the life you had been thrust into—a life neither of you had chosen.

~

The flight to Lake Como had been a quiet affair, its tension palpable in the stale air of the private jet, but the journey to your honeymoon destination on the Amalfi Coast felt even more stifling. The jet’s engines hummed softly, a sound that seemed to amplify the silence between you and Rafe. He sat across from you, his tie loosened, his gaze fixed on the landscape beyond the window.

His eyes, though seemingly focused, saw nothing—only the storm within him. He hadn’t spoken much since the wedding reception, and for you, it was impossible to tell whether that was a blessing or just another layer of silent condemnation. It felt like a judgment of your shared fate, this life that had been handed to you both, neither of you fully grasping how to navigate it.

When you arrived at the cliffside villa overlooking the Tyrrhenian Sea, it was exactly as you had imagined: stunning, otherworldly, a place that promised beauty but held no solace. The sprawling estate bathed in the soft golden light of the setting sun seemed almost unreal, its pristine white walls gleaming against the lush greenery

A private infinity pool sparkled in the courtyard, and the distant crash of waves against the cliffs below added to the ambiance of serenity—serenity that felt just out of reach. Your chest tightened at the sight, the beauty only intensifying the ache in your heart. “It’s beautiful,” you murmured, your voice barely a whisper, as much to yourself as to Rafe.

The words were hollow, a futile attempt to hold on to some semblance of normalcy. Rafe nodded curtly, his jaw clenched, as he handed his jacket to the waiting staff. “It’s what they wanted,” he replied flatly, his voice devoid of emotion. They. The families. The ones who had orchestrated every detail of this—this nightmare masquerading as a dream. You swallowed hard, forcing back the tears that threatened to spill.

You had cried enough at the wedding; you couldn’t let yourself break down here, not when the weight of this new reality pressed so heavily on your chest. Your luggage was swiftly taken away to the master suite, and your stomach twisted at the thought of sharing the room with Rafe. The villa was vast, yet you felt trapped in its grandeur.

It didn’t matter how many rooms it had; there was no escaping him, no escaping the suffocating awareness of his presence that clung to you like a second skin. It felt like a constant reminder of the life that had been chosen for you both, a life you had never asked for but were now forced to live. Dinner was served on the terrace as the sun dipped beneath the horizon, painting the sky with streaks of orange and pink.

The table was set for two, an intimate setting that only deepened the awkwardness between you. You sat with your back to the view, trying to ignore the uncomfortable tension in the air. As the waitstaff began to serve, you pulled out a cigarette and lit it, drawing in the smoke slowly. You let the warmth of the cigarette ease some of the tension in your chest, the familiar burn helping to steady your nerves, even as it made the air feel heavier between you and Rafe.

You watched the thin ribbon of smoke curl upwards, the sharp scent mixing with the salty breeze from the sea. The rich flavours of the meal were lost on you, your mind too distracted by the palpable silence and the feeling of suffocation that lingered in the villa. Every now and then, you stole a glance at Rafe, but he was focused on his plate, his jaw tight.

His eyes flicked briefly to your cigarette, but he said nothing. “You’re not eating?” he asked, his voice cutting through the silence, but his tone was neutral, almost indifferent. You took another drag, watching the smoke swirl in the fading light. “I’m not hungry,” you said softly, the words laced with an unspoken truth. It wasn’t the food you needed; it was the way the cigarette soothed the restless tightness in your chest.

Rafe leaned back in his chair, his gaze fixed on you now, though his expression remained unreadable. “You’ll need to eat eventually,” he said, his voice calm but insistent. “Skipping meals won’t change anything.” The words hit you harder than expected, and you looked up, a spark of frustration flaring inside. “I know that, Rafe. Believe it or not, I’m not trying to starve myself out of this situation.”

His frown deepened, and he ran a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. “I didn’t mean it like that.” “Then how did you mean it?” Your voice was sharp, the anger you’d been holding back bubbling to the surface. “What, are you worried I’ll embarrass you by fainting in front of the staff?” “That’s not what I—” He cut himself off with a harsh exhale, frustration lacing his tone. “Forget it.”

You let out a bitter laugh, the sound hollow in the quiet of the terrace. “Of course. Forget it. Just like we’re supposed to forget the fact that neither of us wants to be here.” His eyes hardened, his jaw clenching. “Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think I asked for this?” “You certainly don’t seem to be fighting it,” you shot back, your words sharp. “You’re just as complicit as everyone else in this—this arrangement.”

“I didn’t have a choice!” Rafe’s voice rose, snapping in the quiet of the evening. “Just like you didn’t. So stop acting like I’m the villain here.” You pushed back your chair, the legs scraping against the stone floor as you stood up abruptly, cigarette dangling from your fingers. “You don’t get it, do you?” Your voice trembled with barely contained fury. “You’ll always have more freedom than I ever will. You’re Rafe Cameron, the golden boy. You’ll get to live your life the way you want, no matter what. But me?”

You shook your head, the words leaving your lips in a bitter rush. “I’m just a pawn. A vessel for heirs.” For a moment, Rafe froze, his gaze hardening into something unreadable. He clenched his fists, the muscles in his jaw tightening. “If that’s what you think, then maybe you don’t know me at all,” he said quietly, his voice sharp and laced with bitterness.

Without another word, you turned on your heel and walked away, the sound of your heels clicking against the stone as you retreated into the villa, your heart pounding in your chest. You didn’t know where you were going, only that you needed distance—from him, from this place, from the suffocating reality of your new life. The master suite was dim when you entered, the moonlight casting faint shadows across the room.

You sank onto the edge of the bed, staring out at the sea beyond the open balcony doors. The cool night breeze brushed against your skin, but it did little to quell the ache gnawing at your heart. Your mind was a whirlwind, thoughts spinning in every direction, none of them providing any clarity. Minutes passed before you heard the door creak open behind you. You didn’t need to look to know it was Rafe.

His footsteps were slow, hesitant, the sound of his approach almost a whisper. He stopped a few feet away, his presence filling the room without the need for words. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice low and almost uncertain. You turned to look at him, surprised by the softness in his tone, by the lack of his usual bravado. “For what?”

“For... everything,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair, his eyes searching the room as if he couldn’t quite find the right words. “I know this isn’t fair. To either of us.” You blinked, startled by his candor. For a brief moment, you saw something human behind the walls he’d carefully constructed. Something fragile, something real. “It’s not,” you agreed quietly, your voice barely a whisper.

Rafe sighed, sitting down in the armchair near the balcony, his eyes distant as if he was searching for something in the dark expanse of the sea. “I don’t know how to fix this,” he confessed, the words heavy with uncertainty. “But I don’t want us to hate each other.” You studied him, noting the tense line of his shoulders, the way his eyes avoided yours.

For the first time, you wondered if he was just as lost as you felt. “I don’t want that either,” you whispered, your words fragile, as if they might break under the weight of everything you had left unsaid. You both sat in silence, the sound of the waves below filling the space between you. It wasn’t an answer, not really. But it was something—a fragile, tentative start.

[goldsbitch]

Hypochondria

part 3 to p1, p2

It's time to tell you exactly what makes me your soulmate. Disaster dinner continues.

20:19

Is it possible to miss someone you've never met? In what strange corner of the universe would this make sense? It felt just like that to Lando - as if he just reunited with an old friend and desperately searched for a way how to connect again. Where to start?

Anita solved that one for him. "Y//N is one of the medics on grid. She was so lovely today. Helped me a lot!" She turned to Lando and then Y/N in a search of some reaction, but those two were stuck in their own silence. She brushed it off and continued. "I figured it would be nice to take her out for a dinner. Wanted to have her join for the club later, but I am afraid it's for invited only, sorry..." she said, with fake modesty. Lando scoffed, completely unbothered by anyone noticing. Anita was doing it again, luring people in and then making sure she nonchalantly pointed out that she is more "VIP" then they are. He usually brushed it of and sometimes found it funny, but this time it made him fuming.

"You are more than kind to do this," Y/N replied and Lando had to close his eyes in order to hide how overcome he was instantly by hearing her speak. Her own voice was always blurry in his visions. Hearing it now, in real life...It was like getting new headphones. "But remember, you should not drink today after the heatstroke...I just need to point that out, can't stop myself," she said semi jokingly.

"Oh course, sweetheart," she replied and took a sip of her cocktail.

Y/N felt a little out of her place in the restaurant, not really sure what she was doing there and why she agreed to come with them. They were a couple, so why was she there playing the third violin? She tried to stop all her intrusive thoughts about Anita's boyfriend. But how could she, the most gorgeous and alluring guy was sitting right there. She secretly watched all of his little moves, the way how he twitched his fingers while holding the menu and wondered how his skin would feel on her own. She cursed herself for being so easily distracted by him. Barely glancing at the menu, she waited for what the two would order and was planning on matching them.

A charming waiter came, shared few words with Anita and recommended some dishes from the special menu.

"I'll have the truffle pasta, sounds great," Anita said, smiling flirtatiously at the waiter. There was an awkward silence, which Y/N tried to fill in. "Yes, I'll have the same, sounds great."

Lando did not even think twice before speaking up. "Um, actually, I really think you should try their salmon. It's to die for. I think you'll love it." He was not able to look at her, while she did the exact opposite. She was taken back by his forward comment. Salmon was her absolute favorite dish. What a strange coincidence that he would recommend it. "Can we get two of the salmon dishes? If that's ok with you, Y/N," he continued, this time finding the courage to look at Y/N. She panicked. "Yeah, yeah. Salmon. Great."

It was like a fire was lit in Lando. He opened the can of worms and there was no way going back. Suddenly, he had all the answers right at arms lenght. And the questions just started flowing.

"How do you like working at the formula 1 medics team?" "Will you be tracking the whole season?" "Do you like traveling so much?" "Are you missing your friends and family?"

It might have been too much for someone to be bombarded with questions, but she found herself excited and eager to overshare. Those two danced a dance of their own, laughing gently and speaking over each other, while also eagerly listening to what the other one had to say.

Anita felt like she was sinking into the chair deeper with every minute that passed. She knew the feeling all to well. Lando, without knowing probably, found anyone apart her interesting. Practically inhaling every word Y/N said. Or at least that's how it felt. Poor girl had absolutely no idea how different this situation was for her this time. Unlike Lando, Y/N still took Anita into account.

"So, Anita, you're a model, right?"

She came back alive and started sharing model related stories, while Y/N listened. Ever-so-impatient Lando just stared at her and started biting his lip in order to stop him from speaking for a moment, realizing that he is in fact not alone with Y/N, but still in a very much public social setting. Y/N listened to Anita, while all familiar phantom pain kicked in, this time in her lips. She kept glancing over to Lando, because it was just too hard not to look at him, when she noticed how vigorously he was biting his own lip. It sometimes happened that her own inexplicable pain aligned with the actions of other. Nothing special.

Lando was at the peak of rude that evening, impatience getting the better of him. "So, Y/N, why have you decided to study medicine?" he said, when Anita took a breath, fully intending on continuing her story. The same way as he interrupted her, she did not give Y/N any room to answer.

"You know what Lando, I am getting real sick of you publicly making it obvious that you don't give a shit about me or what I have to say," she said straight to his face, internally begging for him to deny it.

"I'm sorry, it's just....not every day you meet someone who really does something special with their life," he said, as if Y/N was the first medic he had ever encountered.

"Wow, that's rich. So on top of you not caring what I have to say, you also don't think what I do is interesting."

Lando knew she was right. He knew it all along, but he was also aware of the fact that most of the times, the relationship had been beneficial to both of them. So many emotions mixing in him got him holding his fragile glass real tight.

"Don't play the innocent card," he started, looking deeply into Anita's eyes. "We both know the moment I'm not on the grid anymore, you're jumping to someone else."

The walls felt like they were closing on Y/N. Witnessing couple's fight, however quiet, was never pleasant. All the more when you'd literally just met these people. They played their little verbal tennis, while keeping the decorum composed, as they seemed to be quite skilled at that. Until Lando slipped up. His tight grip on the thin crystal finally ending up with a thousand tiny shiny glass pieces everywhere. It was like a slap to the couple, making them wake up and notice their surroundings. The good old clean up and apology dance began between the guests and the waiters, all of them rushing to help the F1 star with a minor cut that bled crimson drops on the white table cloth. Everybody was so focused on him, that they all missed the second wave of drops hitting the table, this time coming from Y/N hand. She stared at her hand and time stopped. It's not that she was scared of blood. It wasn't that it was the first time something like that happened out of nowhere. It was precisely because it did not happen out of nowhere. Her veins were rushing with panic, instead of blood. She grabbed one of the napkins and pressed hard on her hand, praying that nobody had noticed. Thousands of ideas appearing out of nowhere. So wait, anytime he got hurt, she got hurt as well? Or was it more people? Another coincidence? Her brain was an analytical one. She ran through all the possible little pains that a formula driver could have. It somehow checked out.

She stared at him, completely missing the whole scenery happening in front of her. Anita making a scene, waiters rushing around and Lando trying to calm everyone down.

"When did you crash last time? Like a big one, hospital one," she shot out, as if it was the most important piece of information known to mankind.

Lando felt her panic and intensity for a few moments before she managed to silence everyone, but was equally surprised by her question as everyone else.

"Um, I'd say...yeah, Las Vegas, November." He gave her a questioning look, trying to figure out what was going on her mind, while gesturing the staff of the restaurant to leave them alone.

A massive wave of panic settled over her, images of herself getting admitted to a hospital at that time flashing by. She had to get out there, immediately. And Lando felt that.

"No! No, you're not going anywhere. This is important, you can't just run away like you always do," he said, before she even had a chance to move, because he knew precisely what she was doing. Seen it enough times to recognize the look. If nobody stopped her, she'd be out of there in seconds, not even saying goodbye. A true flight type of person. As if she hadn't been perplexed enough by this point.

"How do you-" she started to ask before being interrupted by Anita, who had have enough.

"I'm sorry, but do you guys know each other?" she asked, with a tone of annoyance barely hidden behind a fake smile.

Lando froze once again, like he had many times that evening. It was not his fault. His soon-to-not-be girlfriend set this seventh circle of hell up. How was he supposed to respond to that?

Y/N hesitantly responded. "No, of course not. I mean, I've only worked with the team here for few weeks anyway."

"Seems like you do, by the amount of questions you're asking" Anita said directly at Lando, fully ignoring Y/N at that point.

"If I had known her, I would not have had to ask questions, right?" he responded, failing at letting his sassy side dormant.

"Is that why you never ask me any questions? Because you know me?"

He bit his tongue. Lando was trying to be good.

Anita made her signature "I knew it" smile once again, which finally set Lando off.

"One asks when they want to hear an answer."

"Great. Charming as ever. You know what? I've had enough."

"Ani, I am really sorry. This is going to sound incredibly rude. I apologize. It's nothing personal. But this is really between me and Y/N."

Absolutely mortified Y/N did not even dare to look at Anita. What the fuck was his game. That was his girlfriend, she was just a random girl.

Anita replied, without missing a beat. "You two can go and play your weird little game without me."

Heavy silence fell, as Anita hastily grabbed all of her things and walked out. Y/N was waiting to see if Lando would even consider getting up and rushing over to her, but knew well enough that that was not the case.

Lando cared. He deeply cared about what Y/N thought of him. "Before I say anything else, please know that I plan on breaking up with her and sorting it out like an adult. This is not how I usually am."

"Ok. I mean, you do you. This is all very...personal," she said, her mind still caught up in her recent discovery. "I'm sorry, this is going to sound strange, but bare with me, this evening is already so much drama, this will not be a great addition."

She was talking to him! Getting curious. Lando would be willing to sit there for hours and listen to her. "Go for it".

"Do you get that weird pain in your left elbow?"

"Yes, after a heavy work out."

"Do you bite your tongue out of nowhere?"

"Only when I'm nervous."

"Ok, ehm. Your wisdom tooth is growing, right?"

"Yup, and it hurts like hell sometimes." This time, it was her shooting questions and him trying to follow in a direction he could not yet fathom. But it was like she was in a trance.

"Ok, ok. You'll think I'm crazy."

"I know you think that," he smirked, knowing they were reaching break through.

"What?" she snapped out of it back to reality.

"You first. I think I also have something you should know." Lando was half excited, half terrified to get his truth out. After all those years, this was all happening in a matter of hours. His life was turning upside down.

Y/N took a deep breath. "The reason I went into medicine is because I have a condition. Random inexplicable pains, cuts, bruises with no real cause of correlation to what's happening with my body. Nobody knew what it was when I was growing up, so I was determined to figure it out on my own." She took out her own blood stained hand from below the table. Lando's eye's went wide. She reached out with her other hand to gesture him that all is fine and no help is needed.

"I think my body mirrors what happens to yours."

"I can feel your emotions. And see glimpses of your life," he blurted out, unable to hold this in for any longer.

//

They did not stay in the restaurant for long. Felt all too public for this type of conversation. Instead, they were back at his hotel apartment, having to sneak in to avoid any unwanted publicity. Once again, they were sitting opposite each other in his living room area.

"So wait...you feel everything I feel? Like physically?"

"Apparently," she said, flabbergasted. For some reason, the two emotions mixing with each other was anger and relief. Her biggest life mystery solved, in the weirdest way possible. Without saying a word, she kicked him in the shin.

"Ouch," he said and she flinched.

"Yep, checks out."

"I can feel your anger, you know? And frankly I don't understand why you're mad at the moment." He was fascinated. The possibilities that laid ahead of them were thrilling.

"I believe at this stage you should also be able to also see my anger. Pray tell me why, why did you have to pick a career that is so physically exhausting!" she moaned, causing him to laugh out loud. Yeah, that was really unfortunate on his part. He made a note mentally to hire a physical therapist for her one day.

She calmed down a bit, slowly coming to term that her emotions were not a private thing anymore - well, technically they never were.

"So what, you just casually know what I feel and see random glimpses of my life?"

"I think it's the strong emotions I feel. It seems the closer I am, the stronger it is."

She was silent, hoping to get a little more out of him. He took a deep breath, desperately trying to ease up the mood.

"Your first nights at the university apartment you shared with those three loud girls. No idea about their names, but I remember the excitement about leaving your home. And jesus, the massive mess the four of you made the first week. How at one point you had to wash your dishes in the bathtub, because it was just too much. And how much fun you'd had while doing it."

She couldn't help but smile at that very specific memory. Gone were the unhinged early uni days, for the better probably. It was absolutely breaking her mind in two, knowing he had these random glimpses in her life.

He saw (and felt) the positive emotions that entered the chat, so he tried to sway the conversation that way. "Oh, and the incredibly awkward morning when you brought that one guy home, did not realize that one of the girls was in the room the whole time and how in the morning it turned out to be her ex."

"My god, you saw that?" she said, absolutely mortified. He just nodded, his heart jumping when he made her squeamish.

"It was like being there during the incredibly awkward breakfast."

"Well," she gulped, trying to switch attention from her. "Nobody knows this, but...pain is not the only thing I feel."

She dropped the ball and watched it rolling, wondering if he'd catch up.

"What do you mean? Like exhaustion?"

"That as well."

He was still not connecting the dots.

"Had a fun night last night, didn't you?"

His eyes went wide and a strange rush of guilt washed over him. He just stared at her, finally getting why one of her first reactions was an angry one. Not that he felt that way, but the level of intrusion he must have presented to her was a lot to take in.

"Well...you're welcome, I guess?" he said cheekily, smirking because he knew exactly what she would do.

Shocked, she opened her mouth and smacked his hand jokingly, not realizing it would hurt both of them.

"Fuck this shit," she exclaimed and once again, he could not hold his laugh in as she tried to shake the pain out of her hand.

"This is going to be very funny."

"I'm sorry, Lando - this all just so bizarre. I'm barely taking it in. Literally don't understand how you're so calm."

He laughed gently. "Well, I did have few extra days to process. And hearing my name roll of your tongue is distracting enough," he said flirtatiously.

Her cheeks went red and her mind stopped, mind getting filled with desire and arousal. Lando lips turned into a wide smile, him feeling her arousal as if she was screaming it loudly to his face.

"Glad to see my words have an effect on you. This is indeed going to be fun..."

p4

[lillaydee]

The One That Got Away

BFF Joel Miller / Reader

You and Joel had been best friends since the first day of school.

Best Friends Forever, Right?

Word Count: 5271 words

WARNING: BFFs, Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Joel is a Fucking Idiot, Joel Needs a Smack to the Back of his Head, Angst, might write a continuation, Angsty Mind Worm.

This is actually the first new work I have uploaded to Tumblr. Might expand one day, way, way, way in the future.

---

You met Joel Miller on your first day of school. He sat behind you and yelled at Billy Jones for putting gum in your braid. Then, he made his Mama wait for your Mom to come get you, as she was late and you couldn’t stop crying.

Your Mom never picked you up. She had an aneurysm at her office and just dropped. Joel and his Mama waited with you until the office closed, and his Mama, Aunt Anita to you from then on, asked the school for your address so she could send you home.

Your Dad was so overwhelmed with shock when he found out about your Mom he forgot to pick you up. He forgot you existed at all that day, in fact. Thank God for Aunt Anita. She spent the better part of that evening cutting your hair so the gum no longer became a problem, Joel holding your hand as you sobbed. They only went home when your actual aunt, Aunt Esther came over to get your Mom’s jewellery.

They didn’t know Aunt Esther left immediately after, leaving you alone at home for the night. They didn’t know you were alone at home the next day either, not knowing what to do, eating cereals to fill your tummy as your Dad drank his sorrows at the bar. They only found out when Joel made his Mama drive him over after school to check on you. His Papa found your Dad under a bar somewhere, chastising him for leaving a daughter alone at home. His parents took you home just so you had some sort of a stability that week – it was clear your own Dad couldn’t give that to you. You cried in his brother Tommy’s bed that night, missing your Mom so much you couldn’t breathe. Joel heard, and slept on the floor next to the bed, hand holding yours.

And you and him became inseparable from then on.

Your Dad snapped out of his stupor three days after your Mom passed. He apologized to you, telling you that he was so heartbroken at your Mom’s passing he couldn’t function. Your Mom had handled everything when it came to you. He left for work before you woke up and came home after you’d gone to bed. He had no idea what to do with you. A week after your Mom’s funeral, Aunt Esther moved in. She and your Dad married less than a month later.

She was nice enough to you, fed you, clothed you, but she was not interested in being your Mom. Your Dad was the same as ever. Aunt Anita and Uncle Jake took over, basically being the parents you needed, and the Millers became your family. When you got your first period, Joel was the one who noticed. He gave you his jacket to tie around your waist, going to the school nurse with you. He called his Mama up, and Aunt Anita came with a set of underwear and skirt for you to change into. You had a drawer in their house. You were practically the daughter the Millers never had.

You and Joel talked about everything. Shared everything. You studied together, ate lunch together, went to movies together, hung out together. You told each other about your crushes, became each other’s wing person, held each other when you got rejected, defended each other when you got bullied. You spent an entire summer reading to him and playing games with him in his room when he broke his leg falling off a bike once, trying everything you could to cheer him up.

You even practiced kissing together. First on the back of your own hands, and then on each other’s hands, and finally, on the lips.

It was nice.

Your life at home was not bad, if that meant that you were basically ignored except to make sure you were alive and well. You got used to living alone, your Dad taking Aunt Esther on his work trips and vacations every few weeks. They didn’t neglect you, exactly, but they didn’t yell at you for your grades either. Aunt Anita and Uncle Jake did that. They were the parents you needed.

And Joel Miller was your best friend in the whole wide world.

Your luck of being in the same class ended when you became seniors in high school. He would still have lunch with you, though. You two waited for each other for after school activities and walked home together.

Best friends forever.

Or so you thought.

He came to see you all excited one day, telling you that Laura Jacobson had asked him out. The most popular girl in school. She was gorgeous. President of the Chastity Club in school. She was so gorgeous, boys were willing to be at her beck and call even if she wouldn’t let them kiss her, or even hold her hand. They were enamoured by her purity, the teachers loved her, the girls idolized her, the boys worshipped her.

You knew you hold no candle to her. All the boys who had ever been interested in you ran willingly to her as soon as she batted her eyelashes at them. It’s always her. One boy literally broke up with you during a make out session because his little brother came knocking on his bedroom door, telling him Laura was on the phone. His spit was still all over your mouth when he told you he didn’t think you two should see each other anymore. Every single one of them left you as soon as she so much as looked their way. Every single time, you would sob into Joel’s chest as he ranted on and on about stupid, weak-willed boys going putty for a girl who wouldn’t even kiss them. You never thought Joel would be idiotic enough to fall for her charms, but, it seemed, you were dead wrong.

She came a calling, and he went a running.

No more daily hang outs. No more lunches. No more waiting for you. No more walking you home. No more talking to you on the phone for hours doing homework together.

Strangely, Laura hung on to him. She was notorious for leading boys on for a couple of weeks and then moving on. She hung on to Joel all the way through senior year. You didn’t see him at all after they got together. All his time was spent with her. You could only watch as he carried her books for her, walked with her, had lunch with her, eyes all weepy and googly at her.

It made you sad. You missed your friend.

He came to your house one day, about a week before senior prom. You honestly thought he was there to ask you to go to prom. You’d always said the two of you would go together. But no, he came to borrow a bow tie from your Dad, belly laughing when you asked if the two of you would still be going to prom together.

As if that was the most ridiculous idea he’d ever heard.

His expressions morphed from laughing to guilt when you handed him the bow tie and went to cry in your room, slamming the door to his face, locking the door behind you.

You didn’t go to prom. Joel and Laura were hailed as the Prom King and Queen. They were voted as most likely to be married, while you got voted as the most likely to end up a lonely old cat lady. Blown up posters of those pictures were posted all over school. You became the butt of a joke, and you no longer had your best friend to cry to about it.

That summer, after school ended, he came over and asked you out for a drive. And again the next day. And then for a movie. And then for bowling. After two weeks, it was as if you got your best friend back. He didn’t even see Laura throughout the summer, though her name was always gushing out of his mouth. He was swooning over her. He couldn’t stop talking about how lucky he was to have someone like her. How lucky for him, that she chose him. Of all the boys in school. She, the most popular girl in school, chose him.

It made you sad, sure, but you focused on the good things. You had your best friend again. You had missed him all these months. You missed his company. And now you had him back. So you listened. You listened as he droned on and on about this perfect girlfriend of his, the woman he declared the love of his life, the one he was going to marry and have a family with. You listened, savouring in the presence of the best friend you had ever had, happy to have him back by your side. You two were even going to the same college. Maybe he was just too besotted during those first few months. Now that he’d gotten used to having her around, he was ready to have both of you in his life. Surely?

It turned out, Laura was travelling with the church that summer. She volunteered for the missionary. She came back just as college was starting, and just like that, your friend was gone again.

And so it went. For the next three years, you had him during the breaks whenever she was gone but was left alone again when she came back. You became his standby break-time friend. You missed him so much you didn’t even tell him how much this was upsetting you. You looked the other way. You made a new friend, though. Maria. She was in your class. The two of you quickly became close, spending all your time together, except for the breaks, when she would go visit her parents.

When you graduated with your diploma, you came home to find out that the house you grew up in had been sold. The lady who just moved in gave you a card, telling you your Dad had left it for her to give to you. It was a card for a lawyer. Turned out, your Dad and your Aunt Esther had been having an affair long before your Mom died. She was disowned by her parents, your late grandparents when the truth came out. Your Dad refused to divorce your Mom, as he would have been left with nothing, and your Mom didn’t want you growing up without a father. Before they died, your late grandparents had set up a very generous trust for you, one that you could only access when you turned 21.

The other, equally generous trust was left to your Mom. A quarter of it was released to your Dad when she died. Your Dad and his wife, your Aunt Esther, could only access the rest of the trust if you were taken care of until then. It was the only reason you were not neglected after your Mom’s death. Now that you were alive and well at 21, they got hold of the trust, withdrew everything, sold the house and left town, just like that. You never heard from them again.

You had nowhere to go, so your Aunt Anita and Uncle Jake took you in. Stay as long as you need, they said. You got your best friend Joel Miller back when you moved in. Both of you like old slippers, applying for jobs together, going for interviews, supporting each other, helping each other prepare for yet another interview, both getting dead end, temporary jobs to fill in the time you had.

Laura never came to hang out at his house though. In fact, she never hung out with Joel whenever you were involved. Joel would make it clear that his time with her was his own, so you waited at home until he came back, where he would gush again and again about this perfect woman he was dating.

He confided in you his frustrations too, sometimes. They’d been together for years. And yet, she didn’t even let him kiss her, much less have sex with her. She was devout. And he respected that. But then, she had never taken him home to meet her parents, and had never come over to meet his, despite his many invites. He hated that about her. He hated that she never made the effort to get to know his family, or even you. In fact, she made it quite clear that she didn’t want to hear your name mentioned at all whenever she was around, not that Joel would ever say this out loud to anyone, even you. But even he couldn’t explain it, it was as if she had some magical power over him. He was infatuated by her. Most of the time, he didn’t even know what she was talking about, but he would keep quiet, mesmerized by her beauty, and just let her talk.

He just couldn’t believe someone as beautiful as her would want someone like him. And, she stayed with him for years, when other boys only got her attention for a couple of weeks. He wasn’t going to just let her go. He’d be dumb to. So he waited. He’d had sex a few times before, and he lived years before that not having sex, he could live a few more without.

You listened to his vents and rants, pushing your annoyance down as far as it would go. You wondered if he ever saw you as a woman. Lots of boys did in high school, but Joel was like a built in guard dog, fending off boys he thought were unsuitable away from you. During those summers Laura was gone, he would get all big brotherly and protective of you whenever guys approached you, asking if the two of you were together, and if they could get your number.

The last time he did that, you were so annoyed by his actions, you couldn’t help yourself. You let it all out. For once in your life. Who was he to be all picky for you, when he himself didn’t see you as a woman? He didn’t have the right to gatekeep you, not when he’s off pretending you didn’t exist every time Laura was in his vicinity. Just because he didn’t find you enticing enough to date, didn’t mean other men couldn’t. Were you supposed to remain single forever? For what? So he could have a backup person to spend time with in case Laura went galivanting off into the sunset on a missionary trip again? Was that all you were good for in his eyes? Someone to spend time with when his chosen woman was away? When his preferred person was not available?

He looked shocked at your outburst. You got up from the table and got a ride home. By the time he got home, you were all locked up in your room. You didn’t speak to him for days. You’d had enough. You were not going to let Joel Miller control your life anymore.

You came home from work one day to Laura sitting on the couch in the living room, a smiling Joel sitting next to her, holding her hand, and a very subdued Anita and Jake sitting across from them. He got up excitedly and came to you, Laura just came back from another trip, and she proposed to him! He’s getting married! He hugged you, excited to share the news with his best friend. You wanted to be happy for him, you really did, but you saw how Laura’s eyes narrowed when he hugged you. You said a quick congratulations to the both of them and went to your room.

Joel was stunned. Why couldn’t you be happier for him? You knew he had waited for this moment for years. He wanted to go after you, but Laura pulled him to sit back down. He didn’t get it. Even his parents didn’t look too happy. His Mama eyeing the way Laura held his hand on her lap.

Laura went on to say that she wanted to get married as soon as possible. The church had an availability a month from that day, and it was perfect, as she needed to leave for another trip a week after that. He could come with her, a honeymoon of sorts. Joel couldn’t stop smiling. Anita suggested they wait a while, there was no rush, right? They were too young to get married anyway. Laura insisted, saying that they had dated long enough. And this was meant to be.

You listened to their conversation from your room, eyes filling with tears. You couldn’t understand why you were so upset. He was your best friend, you should be happy for him. But for the life of you, you couldn’t. It just felt… final. Like this was the end. You’d lost him, forever. Let’s face it. Today, after more than three years together, was the first time Laura was together with Joel in your presence. You only had access to him during that time whenever she was away, even when you were living under the same roof. What would happen now that they were getting married? You sobbed as you began to prepare for a life where you would never see your best friend ever again.

Aunt Anita came to your room that night. She didn’t say anything but held your head in her lap as you cried. When you finally got up and composed yourself, she looked as if she wanted to say something but decided against it. For a woman whose son just told him the happiest news of his life, she looked as if she just received the worst news ever. But Anita Miller had always believed that as a mother, she could only raise her son as best as she could, and then let go. He was an adult now, she couldn’t mother him forever. If this was what he wanted, this was what he should do. All she could do was be there for him should he ever need her.

The next day, Laura came for dinner. You sat quietly, listening to the loving couple plan their upcoming wedding, all rushed to the bones. She talked about the dress she had found, her friends from high school being her bridesmaids, her sister being her maid of honour. It was the most you’d ever heard her voice in all the years of knowing her. Joel didn’t get a word in edgewise. She went on and on about the pastor, the one she had known all her life, the one who led all the missionary trips she had been on, who taught her everything she knew about God and her path in life.

She finally stopped speaking to have a sip of water. Anita took the chance to ask Joel who would be in his wedding party? He said all he wanted was for his parents to be there, and for Tommy to be his groomsman and you as his best woman. Laura choked on her water and told Joel that she had it covered. There was no need for you or Tommy to stand with him. In fact, she said, finally turning to look you in the eyes after all the years seeing you around at school, there was no reason for you to be there at all. No offence, but back then, people thought you and Joel were a couple, so she really would prefer if you didn’t attend the wedding. She would rather be the only woman beside Joel that day.

Tommy, Anita and Jake protested, saying that you and Joel had been friends long before she came into his life, of course you should be there, you were practically his sister. Laura was adamant. No, you were not invited.

You sat there, looking at Joel, waiting for him to say something, defend you, insist for you. Truth be told, you didn’t even want to go, but it would have been nice to have him defend you to her for once. You had taken a step back from his life for her all these years, and you had never complained. “Just this once, Joel, be my best friend and defend me. Tell her you wanted me there,” you thought.

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even look at you. He just listened as his fiancée reiterated the importance of not having you there by his side on the happiest day of his life.

The next three weeks went by in a blur. You avoided him at all costs, hurt that he would so easily cast you aside like that. You felt so stupid. All those years of being his friend, listening to him, comforting him, helping him, and he so easily gave in to Laura as if you hadn’t been there for him all this time. The week before the wedding, he cornered you in the kitchen and begged you to go to the tailors with him, he would like to spend as much time as he could with you before the wedding, he said. He needed his best friend. Please?

Like an idiot, you agreed. You spent the week going around town with him, getting his tux fitted, getting the rings, his truck detailed, knowing full well this will be the last week you spent together. There was no way Laura was going to let him out of her sight once they were married. She’d already given you smug looks whenever she talked about her plans for the two of them once they were married, basically planning for his 24/7 down to the last second once they were married. Tommy joked that she needed to let Joel go a couple hours a week for drinks with his brother. She didn’t retort, but something about the way she held on to his arm told you that that was never going to happen.

The night before the wedding, you received a text from an unknown number. It was Laura, telling you that you had better savour the last few hours you had with Joel, as he would be gone from your life once they said their ‘I dos’, making it clear that you were never going to be welcomed into their lives from then on. You had taken the one thing she cared about away from her, she said, and now, she had taken the one thing you held dear away from you. She won.

You asked her what she was talking about. She never responded. And to be frank, you couldn’t even gather the energy to pry further. You didn’t care if she hated you. You cared that your best friend didn’t stand up for you.

You sat on the couch, staring at your phone. Joel sat next to you, head on your shoulder as he once did all the time, asking you if you would watch a movie with him. You told him he should sleep, big day tomorrow! You got up and went into your room, shutting the door as fast as you could, before he could see the tears falling down your cheeks.

You woke up early the next day, making sure everything was ready for the big day. Anita, Jake and Tommy were already dressed, the three of them hugging you, telling you how sorry they were that you couldn’t be there to stand with them. You smiled, it wasn’t their fault. As if they had any say. As if perfect Laura would let them.

Joel came out of his room, his bowtie hanging on his neck, asking you if you could tie it for him. You did, telling him how good he looked. You’re all grown up now, Miller, you’re gonna be someone’s husband soon. He smiled his cheeky smile at you. Once you were done, he checked himself out in the mirror, asking you if he looked okay. “You look perfect,” you said. “Go, get married.”

He smiled excitedly, kissing you on the cheek, and left. You closed the door behind them and went into your room to get ready for the day, your tears falling, your chest tight.

**********

There was a commotion at the church when they arrived. Laura was screaming in the office she was using to get ready. It was the Laura no one had ever seen before. She was panicking. Her dress wouldn’t zip. Nothing anyone did could get the zip up. It fit just a week ago. She was going ballistic, throwing a tantrum, screaming at the seamstress for screwing up. The poor lady was gobsmacked. She couldn’t understand what was happening. Joel had to be called to calm her down, despite her protests. She was throwing things at people, yelling at them not to let him in.

Joel was worried, what the heck happened? He had never even heard her raise her voice at anyone, and suddenly she was screaming like a banshee. He knew he shouldn’t do it, she said he shouldn’t go in. She was wearing her wedding dress. It was bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress before the ceremony. But he had to calm her down. He opened the door just in time as the seamstress finished measuring her waist.

“Your waist grew in measurement by two whole inches. Are you pregnant?”

Laura’s face turned white as she turned around to chastise the seamstress and saw Joel standing there, his face serious.

“Joel…”

“Well? Are you?” he asked.

“I can explain,” she began, stumbling around to cover her midriff, a small, but clear bump on her previously slim stomach.

“Explain what? We’ve never had sex. How do you explain this?”

**********

Joel drove his old beater of a truck home, tears still pouring down his face. He had never felt more stupid in his life. He’d been so blinded by Laura, he didn’t see this coming. At all.

As he walked out of the church, Laura crumpled up in a weepy mess in the room she had gotten ready at, all he could think of was to get to you. You would know just what to say to him, just so he wouldn’t drown at the bottom of a bottle at a bar. He had been so stupid. The sudden proposal. The rush to get married. Missionary trips indeed. How could he have not seen this? It was so obvious. She couldn’t shut up about him.

And to think, he was going to marry the two of them off, knowing that his spawn was in her belly.

She was going to trap him into believing the baby was his.

In the 20 minutes it took for him to drive home, he couldn’t help think about how much he had wronged you. He left you behind for Laura. She had made her distaste for his close friendship with you very clear. She didn’t want him to spend any time with you. He did tell her that you would always be in his life, you were his best friend. He even told her at the beginning that their relationship couldn’t continue if he had to give you up for it. She actually conceded, telling him that she had no interest in being all buddy-buddy with you. He now saw that she made sure he had no free time for you. Every time she came back from one of her trips, she would be all sulky with him, knowing that he had spent his time with you. She threw a fit when she found out you moved in with him at his parents’ house, telling him she was certain you were going to seduce him, accusing him of sleeping with you whenever she was away.

And all the while, she was giving her all to someone else.

When she proposed to him, he was too happy, he didn’t even register her demands for you to be cut out of his life. Surely she was kidding? He told her he was never going to do that ages ago. He could understand why she wouldn’t want you at the wedding, but surely everything would remain the same after?

And now, he saw how blinded he had been by her.

Stupid, stupid.

He parked his truck in his parents’ driveway, a brand new truck already there. He couldn’t even be bothered to be mad at the neighbour for parking in their driveway again. He stormed into the house, sobbing, calling your name.

You held his head as he cried. Sat with him as he droned on and on about how stupid and blind he had been. He didn’t want to eat, drowning his sorrows with a bottle of whiskey. You held him as he slurred his way through his heartbreak, begging you to lie with him in bed, keep him company. Please?

You did, stroking his hair as he mumbled about how much he had wronged you. How you were the only woman who got him. He was sorry. He was so very, very sorry. Please forgive him. He loved you so much. He couldn’t live without you. Please.

And then, in his drunken stupor, he kissed you.

You let him, you let him have his fill kissing you until he fell asleep.

And then, you slipped out of his bed, and gently shut his door.

Joel woke up a few hours later, well before the sun came up, a hangover clouding his head. He looked for you, somehow remembering your sweet caresses on his hair as he fell asleep, his lips on yours. The house was asleep. He stumbled out of his room, going to yours, gently knocking. No answer. He tried the knob and your door swung open.

The room was empty, nothing but the furniture was left, save for an envelope on your desk, a key fob matching the brand new truck outside on it. He opened it, a card congratulating him on his wedding in it, along with a message thanking him and his family for their friendship, a wish for his lifelong happiness, and a goodbye.

He called you. But your number had been disconnected. Tommy, Anita and Jake woke up to a sobbing Joel, all three of them shocked that you had disappeared without notice.

Joel Miller finally realized, a little too late, that he had lost his best friend, the one woman who had been there for him all this time.

**********

Maria helped carry your things from the cab when you arrived at her apartment. Her neighbour, a trainee FBI agent helped, shyly introducing himself to you.

Maybe this was the best decision you’d ever made.

You had called Maria from the terminal with your new number, telling her you were on the way to her. You decided to go away. You made this plan before the disaster at the wedding. At the time, you thought that there was no way you could stay and watch Joel be happy with his new wife, knowing that things would never be the same ever again between the two of you. But now, after he kissed you in his drunken state, you knew you shouldn’t stay and become the rebound. He had all these years with you to realize any potential your friendship could have had, and yet, it took Laura betraying him for him to finally see you.

So you left, taking with you everything you had, along with your friendship with Joel Miller.

Time for a new start.

[jokeroutsubs]

[ENG translation] Jure Maček, Joker Out's drummer: "I don't have time for dating"

An article and interview with Jure Maček, published in Suzy magazine on 1.3.2024.

Original article is available here for Slovenske novice subscribers. Article written by Anita Krizmanić for Suzy magazine. English translation by a member of JokerOutSubs, proofread by IG GBoleyn123.

Music has accompanied the 27-year-old from Logatec since early childhood. He fell in love with it because of his father and grandfather, who were excellent musicians themselves. Besides them, he also had a number of other great teachers who introduced him to various genres, he played in the symphony orchestra and several bands, and just over three years ago, he finally found what he had been looking for – Joker Out, the band that became his new family. A pleasant and open conversation partner, who believed in his dreams and is living them today, gave us an honest interview about what his journey was like before he and his band embarked on the incredible odyssey that started last year before Eurovision.

Tours are tiring, but also incredibly exciting. // "They wouldn't let me play the drums in music school, because they weren't on the curriculum, so I decided that I would learn how to play them on my own."

"Each of us dreamed about one day finding ourselves where we are now. We're aware that many people don't have that chance. We miss home, we haven't been there very often in the past year, which we've already got used to. To each other, as well. We support each other and we know how to coexist. We're doing just fine, but there are moments when you have to grin and bear it. There aren't many of those, though, because we're mostly having a good time and we enjoy making music," a smiling Jure tells us from London, where the boys have been temporarily living and creating since the beginning of the year.

During our chat, he walks around the city and tells us that life with Bojan, Kris, Nace and Jan is very simple. "Because we're great friends, even though we could all use a moment of solitude now and then. Especially now that we're living in a small London apartment. But we know each other so well that we know what each of us is like, when and why he's in a bad mood, what he needs, and how to fix a certain situation. We're a nice and happy family," he smiles, and adds that they all know how to take a step back, but at the same time, they're firm when they want to emphasise their idea or opinion.

"Sometimes it's better if someone says what they're thinking out loud, presents their idea, and if we collectively latch onto something, we can get great results. It's the same with music," he continues.

LIVING HIS DREAMS AT PEACE

The fruits of their hard and dedicated labour over the past few weeks can already be seen, some are yet to materialise. The band recently sent 'Everybody's Waiting' out into the world, a song that centres the personal thoughts and contemplations that accompany many young people.

"When we make music, we try not to think about other worlds and the audience. When a song is being made, each of us has to feel it and add a small part of what makes him happy to it. When we get to the point where all of us are happy with our work, we know that we created something good, and that's also when people can feel it or find themselves in it," he says.

Joker Out, with their magic and meaningfulness, always take us into worlds where everyone is safe and understood, even when they think they're not. He agrees that a loving attitude towards yourself and others is key in the chaotic world that surrounds us.

"I am at peace with the people around me. I appreciate them very much and they make me even more happy to be in this world." He is grateful for fulfilling his dreams, which he never let anyone take from him as a young musician. "I currently make a living only from music, so I am living my dreams," he smiles.

After working on the album, the boys are leaving for the European tour.

DRUMMERS LIKE CONTROL

As a drummer, he keeps in the background, but that doesn't mean he lives in the band's shadow. "We're special people. We're happiest if things are under control. Just the fact that we sit all the way in the back says enough. You can see everything from there," he says, and adds that drummers are pretty technical types who are more reserved than the other band members. "We like the space we create for ourselves around the drums. That is our world and we really enjoy it. We're pretty nuts," he jokes.

We also chat about the band's fans, who are a unique phenomenon, as they know all the lyrics. "It's a crazy feeling when people abroad sing songs in Slovenian." Otherwise, he never craved attention and he's pretty introverted. "Out of everyone in the band, I'm the least enthusiastic about hanging out after gigs, not because I don't like the fans, but because I like my peace. I need time for myself after performances, which the fans very much respect and understand. After each gig, we take time to meet people, even if not all of us are there."

Despite looking thousands of girls in the eyes at gigs, his heart is currently not taken. "There's no time for dating. There was none last year, and none this year yet either," he laughs.

STEALING HIS MUM'S POTS

During our conversation, we also touch on his upbringing, and he tells me that he fell in love with music as a child, since his father Mitja and grandfather Cveto were also musicians. "I remember dancing around the living room with grandpa on Sundays, and moments when I stole my mum's pots from the kitchen, took them to the living room and banged on them with full force. All of that moved something inside me, leading me to being a musician today," he's convinced.

Another key moment happened when his father, who was also a drummer, took him to the concert of the guitarist and frontman of Dire Straits, Mark Knopfler, in Tivoli Hall as a boy. "That was probably where it first became clear to me that I really wanted this," he says. His parents enrolled him in the music school in Logatec where he studied percussion instruments for eight years, he played in a brass band and a symphony orchestra, he was a member of various bands in elementary school.

"They wouldn't let me play the drums in music school, because they weren't on the curriculum, so I decided that I would learn how to play them on my own. After that, I had a more and more successful band each year, it escalated until I joined Joker Out," he remembers his younger years, when he was getting to know various genres and enjoying his calling more and more each year.

"We drummers are special people," says Jure.

FALLING IN LOVE WITH FILMING BECAUSE OF HIS DAD

Music, however, wasn't the only thing he spent years getting to know. In high school, thanks in part to his uncle and his dad, who often took him to the field with him as a cameraman, he worked as a correspondent cameraman and editor for RTV Slovenia (Slovenian national television). "When they were looking for a cameraman at RTV Slovenia, I already knew and understood a lot of things. I kind of miss that job. It was very varied because I spent a lot of time in the field, I was at sports, cultural, and political events. During the time when I was both a cameraman and a musician, I realised that there were a lot of parallels between those worlds."

Now, he sometimes misses a slightly more regular schedule. "I used to be home at four in the afternoon, now I won't be home until May," laughs the likable drummer, who really liked working as a cameraman, but was mainly driven by his commitment to music. Now, for just over three years, he's been part of a band in which he's found something more. "I actually didn't really know how to get to that point, because in Slovenia, we often hear that you can't make a living from music and it might be better to find something else, that it's difficult to survive in the music world, that it's not worth it. But there was always something driving me so strongly that I was determined to prove to myself and others that it's possible."

THE CAMERA IS ALWAYS ON

If you want it strongly enough, you can achieve anything you want, he says. He's sure that as a musician, he will never achieve anything bigger than Joker Out. "Even though I like to emphasise that I'm living my dreams, it's not all sunshine and roses. The music world can be very tough, you have to fight every day, because you don't know what you're getting yourself into and what the result will be. Everything is a little unknown."

While the members of Joker Out are constantly discovering new unknown things in their creative world, they're definitely not unknown on the music scene. They caress our ears and souls with their finely crafted lyrics and excellent music. Their fans can now even hope that these outstanding young musicians will record a documentary about their journey in the near future. "We started recording in 2021 and we have a lot of things in stock that might interest people. With us, it's like this: when we're on tour, the camera can be on at any moment, so we have to be a little mindful of how we behave. Actually, everything is recorded – backstage, travelling, hotels, arguments, as well as lovely moments!"

The fans are thrilled by his not-at-all-reserved photos.

DREAMING OF SUMMER AND CAMPING

The magical pinnacle of the band's musical odyssey, which started even before their acclaimed Eurovision performance, happened last October in sold-out Stožice. On this colourful journey, they only had a moment to catch their breath at home before setting off again for new adventures. After a temporary move to London, the boys travelled to Helsinki on the 28th of February, where they did production rehearsals, and their European tour starts on the 1st of March. "We will board the bus which we will live on for one month. I'm looking forward to this experience and the bus tour, as it will be our longest yet," he doesn't hide his excitement. The band will come back to Slovenia for seven days at the end of March to regain their strength, then they will have a few performances in the UK, and on the 15th of April, they will lock themselves into a studio in Hamburg for a month, recording the album that was created in London.

"This year, we were home for three days, until the 4th of January, which makes the days spent in Slovenia even more precious," adds Jure, who is endlessly excited for the summer. "I've seen enough hotels in the past year, so I want a genuine holiday like in the old days, when a friend and I converted a car to be able to sleep in a camp. I miss simple holidays in nature and without a phone. That's what I really want this year, at least for a week or so," one of the most charismatic Slovenian drummers reveals his humble wish to us.

If you repost quotes from the interview, please link back to this post!