#Angry Eliza is my favorite Eliza

[kiwis-random-thoughts]

Just fyi, before I do anything, I just wanna let you know that I overal enjoy the Skullgirls comic, but it does have some glaring issues that have frustrated me for a while

You see this? This is Cerebella

She’s one of the more complex characters in Skullgirls, but the main thing you need to know is that she’s a good person. A good person who, unfortunately, was raised by the mafia after her actual family was killed. She’s still a good person, but in a bad crowd, and this clouds her judgement.

I want you to remember this. Why? Because THE WEBCOMIC ASSASSINATED HER CHARACTER SO HARD I WANNA HOLD AN IRL FUNERAL.

Now, this might seem ridiculous, but holy FUCK. It feels like every time she’s on screen they go out of their way to make sure she’s as unlikeable as possible, from making her a short tempered asshole who has yet to show a hint of sympathy, to making her whine about going in a sewer to Eliza, a character who would take WAAAAY more issue with it than Cerebella. Especially since in the context of the scene, they are one an extremely important mission that Cerebella wouldn’t want to risk messing up, while Eliza is just being paid by them for this job, she has zero loyalty to them. I think you can see the problem with that. And honestly? I could go on, but it would just boil down to me whining about every scene she’s in. Because there is not a SINGLE good thing I can say about comic Cerebella

[say-hwaet]

The Dynamic Between Arthur and the Marstons (long post )

I guess I should say there are spoilers, just in case…

After playing the story through several times, I have to say, that Arthur Morgan is one of the best characters ever written. Aside from his development, there is so much depth to him, and regardless of his honor, there is so much to unravel.

I’ve been thinking about the relationship that he has between the Marstons, meaning John, Abigail, and Jack, and it really makes sense as to how Arthur acts the way he does around them in the beginning and all the way to the end.

A lot of his behavior, I think, stems from the loss of Eliza and Isaac. It is my opinion that he himself was torn between living a full life with them and remaining loyal to his gang, and before or by the time he had made a choice, it was too late, as they were killed in a robbery. This had haunted him since and it made him extremely bitter. Later in the game, he tells Rains Fall that he realized that he didn’t get to live a bad life and have good things happen to him. I also think that he was with Eliza after Mary had broken their engagement. I can get into my support for this later, but that isn’t what this post is about.

I think that Arthur was angry with John out of jealousy. He is the “golden boy” and clearly was Dutch’s favorite at one point. Not only that but after Arthur loses his own son and lover, John and Abigail get pregnant and he takes off for a year. He abandons his family, which Arthur takes personally. Arthur had tried to do right by Eliza and Isaac and still failed. So when John has Jack and is within the circle of the gang to help and support him, he takes off. Arthur gives up a potential life with Eliza and Isaac for Loyalty to the gang and John throws it all away. When John comes back, Dutch welcomes him with open arms, and Arthur believes that he would have been held to a different standard if he had come back after being with Eliza and Isaac for a long time. And it doesn’t help that John treats Jack like crap in the beginning of RDR2.

Arthur, imo, was a good father to Isaac when he was present. We can see this in how he treats Jack. In Arthur’s journal, he writes how he should have married Abigail, but due to his feelings for Mary, he didn’t. I’m not sure why after years of not hearing from Mary he would say this, but meh. Perhaps, the hope of starting over, or that she did pop in again at some point (which is how Abigail might have met her?). Anyways. I think he says he should have married her so that she would have someone to rely on and that he could be the father Jack needed. He cares about Abigail, but I don’t think it is anything beyond that. Arthur seemed to me not to be one to be with a woman without some sort of relationship, based upon how he treats women and the prostitutes in Valentine, so I don’t think he was ever with Abigail. Even so, Abigail relies on Arthur, and while he puts up a front, he gives her money for clothing and spends time with Jack. Heck, he even tells John to step up and be a dad. In some of Arthur’s conversations with John, he tells him that he can’t be two people at once. He’s speaking from experience. I think he’s subtly telling John he needs to make a choice as to what life he’s going to live. Hosea and Arthur both tell Abigail and John to leave at parts of the game.

When Jack is kidnapped, and eventually rescued, I think it is one of the most heart-wrenching missions and scenes. I can see it in Arthur’s body language that he longs for the family that he once had. He’s alone in his pain and when everyone is celebrating, Arthur doesn’t sing with the gang; there isn’t even the option to do it like it does other times. Even in my first playthrough, it seemed so sad to me. Everyone was drinking and singing, but Arthur just looked so sad.

So, it is at this point that John starts to step up, and Arthur starts to show symptoms of his illness. When he learns of his diagnosis, Arthur’s eyes open to the reality of the gang’s downfall, and he acknowledges the doubts/reservations he has about Dutch’s plans and schemes. He isn’t blindly loyal anymore. He tries to get John, Abigail, and Jack out, so that they can have the life that he had lost due to loyalty to the gang. He continually tells John to get out and that it would mean a lot to him. In his journal, after rescuing John from prison, he writes in his journal “…We’ve argued over the years, but I’ve grown to care a little for [John]. He’s less of a fool than he was, and maybe he can have the luck that has eluded me. Jack is an innocent little boy. In him, I see what I missed [meaning Isaac]. We did it.” This speaks volumes to me about how he feels about them in the end. He sacrifices himself to let John live. And though it isn’t forever, Arthur dies believing that he made it, and that matters. And hopefully, he could finally be at peace and see Eliza and Isaac again.

I could keep going, but I think I am too long-winded. I guess that helps when writing fleshed-out fanfiction stories, but not for posts. LOL

Would love to hear other thoughts or opinions, I’m always keen for a discussion.

[betsey-laurens-hamilton]

attention ELAMS ONESHOT john survived au!

I can't believe I haven't posted this. it's one of my favorite one shots ever. its john and eliza, he gets to the hamilton household alive and well after everyone thinks he was dead bc he wouldn't send letters to alexander for a while. its giving he wasn't dead he was just depressed

anyway enjoy!! I love them so much! 🥹

⋆ ☼ ☽

“He looks happy.”

John looked over at the woman standing near the counter. He struggled a little to keep his eyes plainly open but did his best nonetheless.

“Alexander?”

“Yes. You two are a good fit.”

A little smile made its way to Eliza’s lips and she gently dipped some cotton into an alcohol-based solution.

“Well, I appreciate that.”

Laurens winced when Elizabeth placed the cotton on one of his open wounds, though maybe that was just because he had relaxed and completely forgot to prepare for the pain.

“Fuck.”

“It’s about the third time I hear you curse in the past hour, Mr. Laurens, you sound like a sailor.”

His blue eyes darted to her. Eliza was focused on his wound, however, she managed to sneak a touch of a fun tone to her voice. She was not very serious about what she’d said. He snickered after a few seconds staring at her, and shook his head.

“Sorry, Mrs. Hamilton.”

“Please call me Eliza. As appealing as the title is to me, I feel like we should be going past formalities by now.”

“Eliza. Sorry, Eliza.”

Both of them chuckled a little bit, looking and sounding a tad shyer than they usually did.

“I am merely messing with. How did you manage this wound, by the way? My husband has spoken several times of your endearing ease to get yourself in trouble. The war is already over, what could you be up to?”

“Well…” Laurens sighed. “I was simply serving my duty to the country. Fighting for the land. The british are yet to leave us alone fully.”

“Are those battles not more dangerous than the previous ones?”

“Sometimes.”

Eliza stared up at John from the wound for a few seconds. He shrugged.

“Well… Alexander has also spoken of his desire to see you again, written letters quite a few times, yet you never seem to acknowledge it.”

John frowned, eyes on her once again focused face. She was bold, that mistress of his companion. Perhaps why they fit so well.

“A man on duty can’t give everything up to pay a friend a visit any time he wishes, no matter how much he might wish otherwise.”

“No, but you have had plenty of free time despite your efforts to keep yourself busy, so I’ve heard.”

“I do get busy with things other than battles. I have personal matters, do I not?”

“Exactly what we are talking about, Mr. Laurens. I was just quite curious about the reason my husband’s best friend would rather not show up to his wedding day.”

John couldn’t help his cheeks from warming up at Mrs. Hamilton’s comment. Did she know he had also been invited by her husband to the aftermath of it? Was it something that they had thought of together or was she oblivious to the entire situation? John couldn’t even begin to wonder how a woman like her would react to such indecent ideas. There was, however, a curious spark about it, hidden away…

“John?”

“Uhh…”

Eliza wiped the soaked cotton over his wound one last time, ripping a wince out of him.

“I’m not angry at you, John. Alexander might be a little, but I’m not. I am quite curious, though, but I don’t want you to speak on subjects you may not be comfortable with or find displeasing.” Eliza collected the dirty cottons and stood up, scaring Laurens slightly. “Stay. Are you alright?”

He just looks at her, blue guilty eyes and a hard swallow followed by an apology and yes. A few seconds later, Eliza returned with bandages and a glass of water.

“Thank you.”

“It’s nothing. If you feel better, sit up a tad.”

And then he did as said, holding in a grunt of pain.

Eliza worked in silence for a few seconds. Sometimes, she’d glance up at him, but John was unaware, having closed his eyes. Just tight enough, Schuyler wrapped bandages around his arm, making sure to soothe any rough patches beforehand.

“You know, your hair resembles wheat.”

“Hm?” Laurens blinks his eyes open, slightly unaware of his surroundings. Eliza worked like an angel, so much better than any nurse ever did and, god, he was tired.

“The blonde in your hair. I knew it reminded me of something. It’s wheat in the morning sun.”

A breath got stuck in his throat. How was he supposed to hold on much longer?

John swallowed.

“Specifically morning sun?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Mr. Laurens!” Eliza abruptly looked up at him.

“John. Call me John.”

“Fine. John, how come you do not know the difference? You’re an artist as far as I know…” She sighed. “The morning sun is… well, definitely less yellow, leaning more into a whiter shade of sunlight. It hits the wheat and reflects a light beige, a beautiful one at that. It’s different.”

He stays in silence for a brief second, only to realize there’s a smile on his face.

“It’s…” Eliza sighed, cheeks flushing slightly but also quite a smiley expression. “It’s one of the most beautiful hours of the day. I wish Alexander would rise earlier more often, just to appreciate the daylight and the fresh air of mornings.”

“I would always try to convince him back in army days…”

“And would it work?”

“Definitely not,” He chuckled.

Eliza joined in with quiet giggles.

“I forced him out of bed sometimes for a walk. He despised it.” John added.

“He has the loveliest grumpy morning face.”

“He does…”

Both of them lean gently into their smiles, sighing in content one after the other. John, however, quickly noticed what he said and shot Eliza an indiscreet wide gaze, which the brunette met with a calm, yet aware one. A knowing, very discreet gaze.

Heavens, did she know?

Laurens rapidly cleared his throat, shaking his head. “Either way we never spent too much time out, General Washington always had plenty of work to do, much more pleasant for him.”

“Yes, the writing?” Eliza finished up the bandage, checking it around a few times.

“Yes.”

“Hide the pen and present him with a sweet activity once he comes asking for it. Just a tip… Well,” She grinned. “You’re all done, Mr. La.. John. You’re done, John. I suppose I should leave you to rest.”

“Thank you, Eliza. Truly.”

“It’s nothing, John. Good night, just shout if you need something.”

He chuckled, meeting her gaze a last time before she opened and closed the door behind herself.

“Good night, ‘Liza.”

[gumycandyyy]

CREEK WEEK DAY 4!!

Favorite group!

Call me crazy, but I LOVE the Tea Timers!! I love their dynamics and color schemes and AAAAAA-

I'm actually kinda angry that I drew Eliza so well, because she's my least favorite of the three. I actually have my own Tea Timer OC! Here's an extra drawing as a treat!

No, this does not count for the creeksona day, this is just an extra. (She's not my sona anyway. Just an OC :)) But yeah, this is Rossalie, my Tea Timer OC!!

[melancholicbat666]

Don't do this

Note: Carmen used to be your friend (from work), but then both of you, end up in The Beef, working hard, and hating everything, again, together.

Maybe there will be more chapters.

Carmen's "golden cook" and favorite in the kitchen, was the quickest, most emotional, and skilled out of the staff, despite Carmen's relatively closed-off and neutral demeanor. Carmen moved to the almost bankrupt and stressful restaurant, and Eliza came along; agreed to the idea after almost demoting the head chef to an embarrassing position. The kitchen was now filled with shouts, arguments, and serving food that was anything but perfect.

"Do not stir like that," Carmen said, looking at the pot and then at Liz's face. "It is completely wrong for the food that will be served. Do what I say."

"Oh my god." She said, looking tired and angry.

Liz was on the other side of the kitchen, Carmen heard her but directed his anger at another employee. Even though Carmen never raised his voice at her during their time working together in the restaurants of Paris, she never would have called him a fool, or shouted, "You are getting more and more stupid due to all of this stress! Chef, you are becoming stupid." Even if the explanation was true. Carmen thought if Liz ever made a film about her biography, it would start with "Sorry, but I never used to be so rude in the kitchen, but the restaurant changed me."

At the end of the day, the kitchen is clean (but no less chaotic), and the reception is organized, all ready to close, in just a few minutes. In a futile attempt to calm down, Liz went to the supply closet, into a gray and silent alley, and lit up on her third cigarette, the air releasing the tension from her body. She seemed to be thinking about irrelevant things, about street creation, about the building that made up The Beef's neighborhood, and finally, about the brain's ability to think about irrelevant things, especially when you're on the verge of a breakdown. Two more drags. The rusty metal door made its dramatic sound, she opened it as if in a suspense film (another irrelevant thought), and when the noise subsided, Carmen appeared, passing his hand over his hair incessantly.

They just stood there, staring at each other, with the awkward atmosphere of shyness and discomfort. The embarrassment of not knowing what to think or feel, at the end of the day, after the hell of it all, was all that could be left behind in that alley.

He leaned against the moldy wall, feeling his pant pocket and even his shirt, maybe expecting some secret compartment to reveal itself in his shirt.

-I have cigarettes, if that's what you lost. I have many of them.-Liz said, tapping her finger to knock off the accumulated ash.

Carmen just nodded, and the girl fished in her pocket for a cigarette, withdrew one from her pack, and extended it to him.

-Thank you.-The boy spoke with the tobacco between his lips, making a shell that blocked the sight of the lighter, and once he managed to light it, his face tilted to the opposite side of where the girl was, as the smoke escaped from his lips with a certain charm. Two monkeys, placing in smoke and then throwing it out again, one next to the other, with only kissing sounds on the filter, and sighs.

-Sorry to ask for a cigarette.-His face was still turned away from hers.-I didn't have time to buy yesterday.

-Okay.-Another sigh.-I've always dreamed of this.

-What?-The man ran his blond hair against the dirty wall, as he finally turned his head to her side.

-I've always dreamed of loading you with nicotine all day long, or maybe filling your mouth with cigarettes.-Carmen continued to look, but with an intrigued and inconvenient expression. He threw her cigarette onto the floor.-Then you would stop yelling in everyone's ear.

He turned his body completely in her direction, the cigarette on the floor, his arms crossed, and his body was no longer leaning against the wall.

-I didn't use to yell until I got here. I need to yell to be heard, it's not like any refined restaurant.

-It's not the shouting, it's how disturbed you seem.

Silence settled.

-Then go. I don't have to pretend to be happy or satisfied, while I manage a restaurant in ruins, especially if it's for you, who at least knows more than my name and the foods I know how to do.

And there he was, glaring at her, with his mouth set and his eyes wide open.

"I hope you get better. We'll see each other tomorrow, Carmen."

Liz opened the noisy back door and walked out, hoping to find a taxi or a bus stop. It was a long and sad day and she'd have a cigarette before getting to wherever she'd end up, but damn it, she'd given him her last one.

Meanwhile, Carmen was putting off the day's accounting, staring at the apron that Liz had dumped on her counter, discarded and abandoned. He just wanted the best for everyone, the best of the only thing that his brother had left.

[flowers-of-io]

Legacy First [the Bray family fanmix]

Listen on Spotify

//song list and lore under the cut//

Queen of Peace – Florence + the Machine

I understand you're angry with me. I would be too, if I'd watched my father come so close to salvation, only to die the way he did. Believe me-the groans and snaps of his exobody tearing itself apart haunt me almost as profoundly as the things we said over his deathbed. [...] But what I am working on here could have saved him. Could save him still.

His only son Cut down but the battle won Oh, what is it worth

Moons of Jupiter – Freezepop

“Europa has relit the fire in my soul; one that even its freezing winds cannot chill.”

I think you are the moons of Jupiter I think there's something hiding underneath the ice

Nice to Meet Me – Zack Hemsey

The K1 artifact promised me an offering. A gateway to the secret of immortality. I call it Clarity. It is waiting on Europa.

And I feel like I got a gun Like I've been changed more ways than one And this whole world has just begun

Kingdom Fall – Claire Wyndham

“Agatha, clearly we have not found our solution. I'll leave this, hm, mess in your incapable hands. Don't ever bring me up to witness an event like this again. Disgusting.”

Nothing here is shining Shining like it should

Her Father In The Pool – The National

“That's your son's quote,” she snapped. “You know, I've seen the video of his final days. That naked, white exo, just paramuscle and soft membrane, writhing in its cradle. When you were done with him, he looked like nothing more than a slug, Clovis. A twisted, limbless giblet. Did you 'support and nurture' him while you tortured him to death?”

Mistakes – PHILDEL

I know how much you've lied It's too much to discuss numbers I know how much I've let slide

Numbers – Daughter

Fine. I’m coming. […] If you tell the family I’m sick, I’ll never speak to you again. I won’t even let you treat me. You’ll have to watch, helpless, as your own granddaughter falls victim to your mistakes. I hope you’re still someone capable of being troubled by that.

You’d better make me better

Organs – Of Monsters And Men

“I activate this... and it all goes away. [sniffles] Cheers to that.”

And I cough up my lungs Because they remind me of how it all went wrong But I leave in my heart Because I don't want to stay in the dark

Rabbit Heart – Florence + the Machine

She’s done it. My girl has transubstantiated. My legacy is safe. […] The scan was flawless, and of course, fatally toxic. My granddaughter’s human form died on the table 14 hours later.

And Midas is king, and he holds me so tight And turns me to gold in the sunlight

Destroy Everything You Touch – Unwoman

“Of course you dreamt about killing us. Your grandfather made you this way. And he kills everything he touches.” 

Destroy everything you touch today Destroy me this way Anything that may desert you So it cannot hurt you

Over Cold Shoulders – Eliza Rickman

“The memory bank you just slipped in your pocket. That belonged to Elisabeth-1.”

You come in here looking for more And oh, you take all you can fit in your arms When you walk out the door

Make Up Your Mind – Florence + the Machine

If I do not survive the construction and delivery of this weapon, I ask that you share the news of my death with Ana and Willa so they can make proper goodbyes. I do this for them. Not for you. Pray for grace, Grandfather.

And although the axe is heavy It just sits in my hands

Landfill – Daughter

“You’ve always been my favorite, Elisabeth. Please…”

Wipe away your tear stains Thought you said you didn’t feel pain

Which Witch – Florence + the Machine

“Perhaps our legacy should be burnt to the ground,” she says

And it’s my whole heart While tried and tested, it’s mine

Legacy – Unwoman

The new Elisabeth has no mouth or nose. She did not consider them necessary. She'll see. But somehow, I could still see the wonder in her eyes as she leaned over me. “You're my grandfather,” she seemed to say. “Aren't you?”

The End Of Love – Florence + the Machine

“Legacy first… Elisabeth,” he says.

We were a family pulled from a flood You tore the floorboards up And let the river rush in

Tomorrow – Daughter

Repeating myself over and over, hoping something will change, but I know it's coming. Blood and betrayal.

But don't bring tomorrow 'Cause I already know I'll lose you

Lament – Destiny 2: Beyond Light OST

There was a world where we were a happy family. This isn't it. We both know it.

[blacklister214]

The Slow Shift of Eliza's Feelings Toward Patrick

2x04: Angel of Inferno. Enemy. Patrick immediately gets under her skin, so much so that she literally says that losing to him would be worse than somebody dying. She loathes him, reasonably so, because he seems like one more man determined to stand in the way of her business. Also he gets her thrown in jail, and tries to steal her evidence.

He throws her further through a loop when she beats him at his own game and he shows up at her house with a smile on his face. She genuinely doesn't know what to make of him. Then she thinks he's threatening her friends and she is ready to throw down.

2x06: Frenemy. First step was Patrick hiring her to work his case. I don't think she really took his flattery sincerely until this moment. She assumes he wants her for the novelty of the "lady detective." This is big show of faith, especially for a man who runs his own agency.

The next big moment is when the way Patrick reacts to the results of the case. Even though she got him shot, he don't yell at her, and neither does he take back the money. Further more he thanks her for coming to see him, even though he's perfectly aware she had to to give him the results. Because of these reactions he moves into the frenemy tier. She offers him her opinion on his cane choice, which at the beginning of the episode she wouldn't have bothered with.

3x03: Friend. My favorite because this the beginning of their personal relationship, though the first jump was to ally of convenience which Patrick earns by listening to Eliza, conceding to her point and acquiescing to her plan. As the evening wears on she slowly drops the convenience part. She opens up with a little about her childhood and plays a game with him. She doesn't reproach him for his mistake with Malone, but immediately admits her own error and is ready to move on, until she find out he lied to her. Big moment here, because this time his lie HURT. She is furious in a way she's never been, because she'd allowed herself to begin to trust him. She's so mad that when he does open up in apology/explanation, she is unwilling to listen. Finally the major moment: He helps her out of her restraints, rather than leaving her there. She knows Patrick really did share the most painful moment of his life with her. That's why the breakfast and "Patrick" becomes a thing.

3x06: Employer. Why does she accept his offer? Patrick raced over to tell her about the bomb and checked himself to see if it was dangerous. He listened to her about taking the case to Wellington. He also helps tidy her office as he speaks to her without being asked. He accept her direction on the joint task force for without comment. Finally he proves how much he gets her. Business cards in a box, desire to make things possible for other women, and he already put her name on the door.

4x04: Partner: Shares ideas. Listens to him. Why? Because he doesn't give up on her, even though he is angry. Because he is able to push past mistakes and focus on the problems at hand.

4x05: Mentor. Evidenced by Eliza listening to Patrick about Phelps and honoring the deal. Why? Because he doesn't throw her under the bus with Bracewell. Because she can see Patrick being effective in a way she is not when he gets them into the crime scene. Because she can see his argument has merit, even when it sticks in her craw.

4x06: Ride or Die. Eliza is conflicted about Patrick's announcement he's going back to Paris. She's pleased at the show of faith, but still its not a purely celebratory look on her face. She agrees to spend her free time with him, doing something outside her comfort zone. Eliza never doubts his innocence in the stabbing, refuses to stay out of his trouble, and when she realizes the truth, she quite literally bets her life on his character.

All told, that's quite a bit of progress. Unlike William and Eliza who go from "Person I am UNWILLING to admit to being romantically interested in, but also drives me crazy to Person I am WILLING to admit I am romantically interested in, but also drives me crazy."

[theshippirate22]

Part 2 of the Post-Amber Hunter angst! ft. Everyone's Favorite, Eliza. Enjoy y'all <3

Eliza looked over as Hunter came in through the dark. He had his head down as he toed off his shoes.

She finished the bite of her string cheese and glanced down at the dark hand prints with a sort of benign amusement, and motioned vaguely. “You aware of that?”

He pulled at his belt. “Amber’s dead.”

“... What?”

“Lisinopril. I count it all the time. I didn’t see her take it from the pharmacy. I… I didn’t…” Hunter met her gaze in the dark, morbid sincerity reflecting off his glasses.

“Oh God…” Eliza gasped. “But…”

“She took like, fifty tablets or something. Acute hypotension kicked in and her organs just started shutting down, I guess.”

“Amber?” She murmured. “Your Amber?”

Hunter struggled with it for a moment before whispering profoundly “My Amber.”

The summer when Hunter was six, he found a frog. He claimed it hopped up to him and wanted to be friends, but Eliza- from her great year of extra wisdom- thought he'd been out by the pond where he wasn't supposed to be. He named the frog, something ridiculous like Leonard or Basal, and kept it in a mason jar with holes poked in the lid on his nightstand.

The frog died within the week, of course, because it was not built to live in a jar at the mercy of an overzealous little boy, and Hunter had cried and cried and made Matty go with him into the backyard to dig a grave for the poor creature. There was an impromptu funeral, and Matty made the mistake of actually touching Leonard/Basal's slightly oozy corpse and howled in disgust, promptly hurling the frog away from him.

Hunter was furious, as Hunter was wont to be even that young, and screamed at Matty until he scrambled back into the house to wash his pudgy hands. Hunter had finished the funeral and buried whatever remained of the frog, and sat there at the side of the yard to grieve, until it began to rain, and he decided to come back inside.

Eliza had watched the whole spectacle through the window from where she drew at the kitchen table, and she had looked back as the sliding door slammed closed behind him to say something antagonizing, but he'd had a look on his face- this tight-lipped, empty-eyed, haunted sort of look- that was so immensely sad, it killed whatever retort she had, and instead she just ruffled his hair consolingly as he walked past.

She wasn't expecting to see the same sort of look- albeit, nearly tenfold in extremity- on his face twenty years later.

Eliza whimpered the most horrified sound, covering her mouth with both hands. “Oh, Hunter…”

The dam broke. Hunter’s apparent resolve shattered at the same moment that Eliza reached for him and the pair of them collided with so much desperation that the sob was forced straight from his lungs and against her chest.

She grasped at the back of his neck to pull him in, holding him like she could shield him from it, make it go away entirely. He clawed at her shoulders to drag himself in like he believed she really could.

The pair of them clung to each other and sobbed in the entryway for an entire lifetime, until Eliza's throat hurt and Hunter's hands hurt from where they gripped her shirt. She toyed absently with the hair at the back of his neck and let his breath get shaky against her neck.

"Did she hurt?" Eliza mumbled softly into his hair.

"I don't know," he whispered miserably. "I don't know..."

I'll see you tomorrow.

The thought plays in his head as he pulls the key from underneath the mat. She was in a bad mood, clearly.

Every other thought comes in rapid, angry slashes.

Amber's boots by the door. Orange pills strewn across the floor. Her pale hand around the corner. Blood on her head and the kitchen floor and then on him. The weight of her in his lap as he screams and prays to a god he doesn't believe in. Hands on her chest in shaky CPR. The paramedic's hand on his shoulder.

Hunter startled awake in the dark.

His legs were sore from where they half-stretched out against the bathtub, and he cried out softly at the pain of moving them enough that he could put his head between his knees again to catch his shuddering breath.

It didn't work as well as he'd hoped; with his eyes closed, all he could see was her and blood and pills and it was just as bad as being asleep. He forced his eyes open.

His glasses were on the counter, too far to reach, so everything he could see was sort of hazy and soft. The only reason he could see anything in the dark was because Eliza had left the hall light just outside the bathroom on.

Eliza. Eliza, who was asleep on the floor, with her arms curled up under her to cushion her head against the lip of the tub. He legs were curled beneath her, cramped and cold, and her hair fell every which way, covering her face.

Hunter's whole chest hurt.

There was something safe about it, about her closeness, and the familiarity of sleeping in the bathtub knowing she'd be there. They'd done it a lot as teenagers when their father had gotten particularly belligerent and started going after Hunter. It was easier then, when he was fourteen and he actually fit in the bathtub.

They hadn't done it since they moved to the apartment; there was no reason to anymore.

It felt pathetic. He wasn't a teenager and he hadn't been a teenager for a long time, and he shouldn't want to crawl into his sister's arms like a little kid, but he did.

He wanted to go back, to send Eliza to her, to talk some sense into her, wanted to shake her shoulders and beg her not to do something stupid.

Not to do this.

He laid his head back against the tile and cried again. It was a lot- there was Amber who hated herself and must've hated him to do this and there was him, who also hated himself and knew that on some level this was all his fault, and there was that crippling fear that he'd never been able to shake that he was going to die alone, the same way she had, and there was Eliza, who was going to suffer in the next little bit while he grieved. There was Kelly and Lyn and Taylor and Caleb, who he would have to watch get ruined by Willablues, like had happened to him and Missy, and there was Lee, who would look after him the way a mother would and he wouldn't deserve it because this was his fault. He should've known from Amber's texts, from the way she acted, he should've seen her steal the pills.

And beneath everything, was the ache of the gaping hole Amber had left.

Eliza loved Hunter, of course, but not the way Amber had. Eliza loved him the way an artist loves a painting- as an extension of themselves. But Amber was his best friend. She was the only person who had managed to love him in some form without any expectation. He couldn't remember who he had been before Amber; every moment with her had shaped him into some other half of her. If Hunter was the endless night, Amber was the glowing morning.

Without Amber, it was like part of him had died too. Like he would never be completely Hunter ever again.

And maybe it was fucking pathetic that he only had one friend, his twenty-year-old coworker that only got along with him because she was used to harsh military men and Hunter was sweet compared to that. But it wasn't anything as terrible as knowing that now he didn't have anyone.

Hunter laid his head against the edge of the tub, next to Eliza and tried to catch his breath.

Eliza didn't wake up, but she stirred enough to reach out and take his hand.

[snickerzanddoodlez]

random OC post!! forgive me guys, I needed something else to focus on or the hype for Wordgirl Rewired would overcome my entire soul and being

if you wanna read about these losers, I did start writing their book on Wattpad a while ago, but it’s outdated and poor quality. Here

I’m actually working on rewriting it, but that won’t be released until it’s finished ;)

whatever the case, this is Felix and Eliza!! Felix is easily frightened, but this makes sense- he’s the only human left in a world that’s now 10,000 after when he was alive. He’s autistic and loves birds ❤️ he has a journal that he uses to keep track of any interesting ones he’s found, and to sketch birds he hasn’t seen before. Puffins are his favorite

Eliza is usually solemn (although generally goodhearted, and isn’t as much angry and emo as much as just serious and quiet), but when she’s out of her shell, she’s louder and much sassier. Don’t worry, she’s just goofing with her bf

“babe I heard you like birds I have a surprise for you”

Eliza this isn’t what he meant he does not want to fly put him down

They’re very different but they bring out the best in each other

Eliza struggles a bit but she works to learn his boundaries and is content to listen to him talk about birds for HOURS

Felix shows her that the only person who holds what she’s done against her is herself and is always there for her even when some others mistrust her. And in turn she helps bring out his confidence and defends him against people who aren’t immediately able to empathize with how his mind works

this is their daughter she is a cat

[rapeculturerealities]

Eliza Bleu’s Own Friends Aren’t Buying Her Trafficking Story

With striking lilac hair and a pugnacious attitude, the anti-sex trafficking activist known as Eliza Bleu has broken into some of the top tiers of right-wing media in just a few years, growing her audience through interviews with popular figures like Ben Shapiro, Tim Pool, and Dr. Drew Pinsky.

But in late 2022, Bleu found an even more powerful ally: new Twitter owner Elon Musk.

Bleu, who refers to herself as “a survivor of human trafficking,” has lent the billionaire an unusual form of credibility by insisting that pre-Musk Twitter was overrun with child pornography. Only Musk, Bleu says, has been willing to stamp out the abusive material on Twitter “at scale.” In another tweet, she declared, “The war against Elon Musk is actually a war over your mind.” Musk responded with a bullseye emoji.

Bleu’s praise for Musk comes even as the billionaire has slashed much of Twitter’s staff, including huge numbers of workers responsible for content moderation. For his part, Musk has boosted Bleu’s profile on the site with replies and retweets, helping her earn more than 100,000 new followers in December alone.

“You have a direct line to me on this issue,” Musk told Bleu in a Twitter Space live chat in December.

“When I stepped away from the gang, my traffickers lost money. And they want that money back. ”

— Eliza Bleu

But now Bleu and Musk find themselves embroiled in a Twitter censorship controversy, after multiple critics of Bleu who shared embarrassing images from her past saw their accounts temporarily suspended from the site. Some users suggested that Bleu’s “direct line” to Twitter brass and Musk himself may have led to the crackdown, even as the Twitter owner insists he’s in favor of “free speech” and wide-ranging debate.

Bleu and Twitter didn’t respond to requests for comment.

Amid the controversy over the suspended accounts, questions about Bleu’s background have emerged. Her critics have seized on contradictory videos and interviews—and her frequent use of different names online—to suggest Bleu isn’t who she claims to be.

Now two former friends of Bleu tell The Daily Beast that, at best, Bleu is exaggerating her experiences for attention.

“It’s making a lot of her old friends around here really angry,” said Carly Wenzel, a one-time pal of Bleu who has known her for two decades, who added she believes Bleu is “completely lying.”

Bleu grew up in a rural area along Illinois’s border with Iowa known as the “Quad Cities.” She’s portrayed her homeschooled upbringing as an innocent one, albeit one that made her all the more naive about how the world really works.

Despite her claims to the contrary, public records prove that Bleu’s original name was Eliza Morthland. Born in 1981, her father is Richard Morthland, a farmer and former Illinois state representative who ran unsuccessfully on the GOP ticket for lieutenant governor in 2018. Morthland did not respond to a request for comment.

In 2021, Bleu appeared to deny on Twitter that she was Eliza Morthland, but Facebook photos show her standing with other members of the Morthland family. A 2010 newspaper article about Richard Morthland shows a woman who looks just like Bleu standing next to the politician and identified as his daughter, “Eliza Morthland.” Richard Morthland also gave a comment for a 2009 article about a band Bleu worked for under her married name Eliza Siep. And Bleu’s cosmetology license lists Richard Morthland’s farm as her address.

There’s no question that Bleu has advocated for trafficking victims, especially on Twitter. But she has offered murky accounts of her own background that leave even her supporters unsure about all but the vaguest details. She can also grow hostile with reporters who ask for basic facts, like the years she was trafficked or the names of perpetrators. For example, journalist Katie Herzog reached Bleu on the phone in December, only to have Bleu become defensive when Herzog raised even the prospect of asking Bleu about her own story.

“Bleu stirred up some controversy of her own with diehard supporters of the band, in online mini-scandals that featured Bleu calling Star the n-word.”

Interviewed on Tim Pool’s podcast, Bleu said she could not offer details about her alleged abusers because of unspecified legal issues. Then she asked why it would be a problem if she was making up her story.

“Let’s say, hypothetically, it is made up,” Bleu said. “What’s my biggest win so far in public? Getting Twitter to address child sexual abuse material and make it a top priority?

“I’m not asking an abuser for money, and I’m not asking people for money,” she added.

The Daily Beast pieced together a rough outline of Bleu’s account of her trafficking experiences based on interviews she’s given to sympathetic media outlets.

Bleu has said that her trafficking spanned two different periods, separated by roughly a decade. In her telling, Bleu was first groomed by a prominent photographer she met at a Warped Tour concert in Chicago when she was 16. A few years later, when she was still a teenager in the late 1990s, Bleu’s father drove her to Los Angeles because Bleu was convinced that an unnamed “high profile musician” she met through that photographer would make her a star.

Instead, she was sexually assaulted within 48 hours of arriving in the city, according to a 2020 podcast interview. Her traffickers quickly hooked her on a drug she knew as “ice”—generally recognized as slang for crystal methamphetamine, though Bleu has said she didn’t know what drug it was.

Bleu claims she was then sold for $500 to a sex-trafficking ring in the Hollywood Hills, where she found herself living with members of a ring that trafficked transgender women.

“I was sold for $500 to a very old gentleman in the Hills,” Bleu said in the 2020 interview.

Bleu claims she struggled to get enough water and food, “because I was on drugs and other substances.” But Bleu was such a handful for her traffickers, in her telling, that they ultimately gave her back to her original trafficker for free. Bleu claims she was hospitalized for a drug overdose before returning to her family farm in Illinois.

“My family didn’t even recognize me when I got off the plane,” Bleu said.

After two weeks on the farm, she returned to Los Angeles to retrieve her car, Bleu claims, but she was once again swept up into human trafficking for an undefined period.

“It’s odd what happens to the trauma brain,” Bleu said on the 2020 podcast episode to explain why she returned to her traffickers, comparing it to Stockholm syndrome.

Bleu’s second trafficking period, in her account, began in roughly 2008 or 2009, when she was living in the Chicago area. In that same 2020 podcast interview, Bleu claimed she was trafficked by a “high-profile athlete” whom she has declined to name. That man and his associates, according to Bleu, put her in a dangerous neighborhood she has said existed on what she called a “gang line”—the violent border where two Chicago gang territories meet.

“My mattress was on the floor because we had so many shootings that year in the area,” Bleu recalled in 2020. “I just didn’t want to get shot.”

Bleu attempted to leave her traffickers in 2013, and, in her account, ultimately succeeded for good in about 2014. Bleu has repeatedly suggested that her former traffickers from Chicago might still be out to get revenge on her and her family members.

“She slept on the floor but by choice, because she was into these floor pillows at the time.”

— A former roommate of Eliza Bleu

“When I stepped away from the gang, my traffickers lost money,” Bleu said in the 2020 interview. “And they want that money back”

Asked in a 2021 interview why she hadn’t pressed charges against the unnamed athlete and her other traffickers, Bleu—appearing on a podcast with more than 100,000 YouTube subscribers—said the men could still track her down and murder her.

“I am terrified that they would kill myself or my family or people that I care about,” Bleu said. “That’s how organized they are.”

Last month, Bleu tweeted that her family knows “every detail” of her story and stands behind her. She then blasted the “corporate media” for asking questions about her past, declaring, “if anyone steps on [my family’s] property or my property let it be extremely clear that we are all armed.”

Wenzel, a one-time friend of Bleu who says she has known the anti-trafficking activist for more than two decades, doesn’t think Bleu’s account is accurate.

Wenzel told The Daily Beast that she met Bleu in the Quad Cities, where both women were partying with musicians. Wenzel was 18, and said Bleu was in her early twenties. The Daily Beast verified Wenzel’s friendship with Bleu through photographs.

In Wenzel’s telling, she and Bleu were both deeply involved in the “scene” subculture of the early aughts—a time of tight jeans, swooping haircuts, and high drama on sites like MySpace and LiveJournal. Wenzel was trying to hook up with a member of one of her favorite bands on a tour bus in Iowa City when Bleu stepped on board. The two young women realized they had mutual friends and a shared interest in music—and the men who made it.

“She said that she was going to be very famous for sleeping with band members,” Wenzel recalled.

Wenzel takes issue with Bleu’s timeline of her first trafficking experience. She claims that she too was at the Warped Tour concert where Bleu met the photographer she claims groomed her. But while Bleu said that she wasn’t even 18 when she met the photographer, Wenzel insists that Bleu would have been in her early twenties—putting the date of the concert sometime in the early 2000s.

“She’s a very powerful, very smart intelligent woman.”

— Carly Wenzel

“Her timeline is just so weird,” Wenzel said, noting she believes that Bleu appears to be “lying about her age in certain articles.”

Bleu moved to Los Angeles, but Wenzel doesn’t remember hearing about her old friend being trafficked. Instead, she said Bleu unsuccessfully tried to convince Wenzel to move in with her in California. She did not recall Bleu calling home to the Quad Cities with tales of being addicted to “ice” or living with a trafficked group of transgender women in the Hollywood Hills.

Wenzel said she “keeps seeing these stories out of L.A.” and believes “that absolutely didn’t happen.”

By 2005, Bleu was back in Illinois and eventually earned a cosmetology license. Bleu began touring as a traveling stylist for musicians, where she received her first taste of internet controversy.

Bleu worked for mega-popular rock band My Chemical Romance as a stylist, going by the hair-inspired name “Eliza Cuts” online. Bleu’s job brought her into a group of My Chemical Romance entourage members dubbed the “World’s Most Hated Crew.” That clique also included future YouTube star and makeup mogul Jeffree Star, who would later be accused of paying out hush money to sexual-assault accusers.

Bleu was closely monitored by the bands’ fans on sites like LiveJournal—particularly after she entered a brief engagement with My Chemical Romance’s heartthrob lead singer, Gerard Way. But Bleu stirred up some controversy of her own with diehard supporters of the band, in online mini-scandals that featured Bleu calling Star the n-word and allegedly authoring a thinly veiled fictional account of her failed relationship with Way.

After leaving the rock circuit, Bleu lived with a friend in Chicago from roughly 2009 to 2011. That’s around the period when Bleu claims she began to be sex-trafficked again by the unnamed athlete in a violence-plagued neighborhood.

But that’s not how her former roommate, who asked The Daily Beast not to use her name out of fear of backlash from Bleu’s fans, remembers it. Instead, she said the pair lived in Wicker Park, an affluent, trendy Chicago neighborhood. The roommate said Bleu’s parents were “always supportive financially.”

“She was not in a precarious situation,” the roommate told The Daily Beast in a text message.

The roommate does remember Bleu sleeping on the floor, though not because of bullets.

“She slept on the floor but by choice, because she was into these floor pillows at the time,” the friend told The Daily Beast, though she added that Bleu “eventually bought a bed.”

Like the ex-roommate, Wenzel scoffs at the idea that Bleu lived in a dangerous neighborhood. Wenzel, who by then was married with a child, said she brought her toddler to visit Bleu and the roommate at their apartment—hardly the front line of a gang war.

“That is so not true,” Wenzel said. “She lived in a really cute apartment. They’re the whitest girls you could ever meet. There was no gang activity.”

Around this time, Bleu resurfaced online as “Eliza Siep” in 2010, unsuccessfully auditioning for American Idol using a surname she had picked up during a short-lived marriage. But she soon moved on to a new name and another position in the music industry. Now she would become “Eliza Knows,” the sultry, self-proclaimed music “video vixen.”

“Donewald defended Bleu from skeptics earlier this month, tweeting that Bleu is ‘the real deal.’ ”

Under her new online name, Bleu began to dance as a “video vixen” in mostly low-budget music videos. A YouTube playlist that appears to have been compiled by Bleu herself shows her gyrating in videos from 2012 and 2013 with song titles like “Feelin’ Myself” and “A Million Ways to Love You.”

In one 2012 video Bleu posted to YouTube, she filmed herself calling her mother to shock her with the news that she’d become a music-video dancer—only to discover that her mother was happy for her. In the video, Bleu told her mother she wanted to become a music-video dancer because of her childhood admiration for the “Fly Girls,” dancers on the comedy show In Living Color.

Bleu also gave interviews about the video-vixen lifestyle. In 2016, Bleu, speaking in a markedly different voice than the one she used in earlier media appearances and the one she uses today, claimed that she had rejected an offer to have sex with a client for $150,000.

“It’s a nice offer, but it’s not me,” Bleu said.

Still, it appears that Bleu may have engaged in some kind of sex work around this time. In one interview, Bleu advertised her account on a now-defunct camgirl website where men could pay money to talk with her.

Around 2016, Wenzel claims that Bleu asked her to join her as an escort, promising that Wenzel could make $500 in a night—an offer that stunned Wenzel and her husband.

“She was absolutely loving it,” Wenzel said. “She was bragging about it, saying she was making so much money.”

Bleu later suggested that sex workers with a pimp might qualify as trafficking victims, though Wenzel said she didn’t meet any pimp or trafficker when she socialized with Bleu, be it an unnamed “high profile athlete” or otherwise.

“She’s a very powerful, very smart intelligent woman, I will not discredit her for that,” Wenzel said. “She knows exactly what she’s doing.”

As proof that she was trafficked, Bleu often cites the organization she says “saved my life”: Eve’s Angels, a Christian nonprofit that serves sex trafficking victims and women seeking to leave the commercial sex industry.

In her telling, Bleu—living in her gangland apartment in 2013 and desperate to leave her traffickers—contacted Eve’s Angels after discovering founder Anny Donewald through a YouTube video. (In another recent tweet, Bleu claimed to have found the group via a web address in a Bible the group left at a strip club.) The group soon spirited Bleu away from her traffickers and into a safehouse “three states away.” In her account, Bleu claims she briefly returned to her traffickers after that escape, but eventually escaped the traffickers’ clutches for good around 2014.

Donewald defended Bleu from skeptics earlier this month, tweeting that Bleu is “the real deal.” But, like Bleu, Donewald’s claims about sex trafficking in her own life have come under scrutiny.

In 2018, Donewald’s parents and brother filed a defamation suit against Donewald and Eve’s Angels. While Donewald and her children were living with her family members in Michigan, Donewald’s parents “confronted her about her ‘treatment of her daughter,’” according to the lawsuit. In response, Donewald and her group accused her parents of sexually abusing and trafficking children, according to a 2022 appeals court opinion.

Donewald took the case to police, leading to a criminal investigation into her parents but no charges. Donewald’s claims fell apart after her daughter told her grandparents that Donewald had told her to fabricate the claims in an attempt to score a “pay-off” from the grandparents, the appeals court opinion found.

The activist was ordered to pay a judgment of more than $47,000, plus legal fees. As of the May 2022 appeals court ruling, the family was still stalled in settlement talks, with Donewald denying the defamation claims.

Donewald did not respond to requests to comment. Eve’s Angels did not return an email, and two phone numbers attached to the charity were either not in service or went directly to a full voicemail inbox.

Bleu emerged as a public “survivor advocate” a few weeks into the pandemic, worrying in an April 2020 article in the conservative The Daily Wire that pandemic lockdowns would worsen sex trafficking. Within two years she would amass a large profile through Twitter and right-wing podcasts, culminating in her alliance with Musk.

In December, Bleu aided Musk in his campaign against Twitter’s former head of trust and safety Yoel Roth—who seemingly angered the billionaire after resigning in November—linking to a 2010 tweet by Roth that read, “Can high school students ever meaningfully consent to sex with their teachers?”

“This explains a lot,” Musk replied, and many of his followers took the bait, suggesting that Roth was a depraved “sex criminal.” Amid other attacks, Roth reportedly was forced to flee his home. (In truth, the 2010 tweet merely linked to a Salon article that did not advocate allowing teachers to have sex with minors. Instead, it examined a criminal case against a teacher who had an illegal relationship with an 18-year-old student.)

But now, cracks are starting to appear in Bleu’s online reputation, especially within the right-wing circles she once courted.

The controversy ignited on Jan. 6, when she appeared on Tim Pool’s video stream. During the show, Bleu claimed to represent two anonymous “survivors” of Andrew Tate, the kickboxer turned “king of toxic masculinity” accused—with three other suspects—of sexual exploitation and other heinous crimes. (Tate has denied wrongdoing.)

Some of Tate’s most rabid fans, along with other right-wing users, began scrutinizing Bleu’s backstory. They posted clips from past media appearances to cast doubt on her trafficking claims, and trolled her with screenshots from a racy music video dating back to 2016 that she participated in for WorldStarHipHop in her “Eliza Knows” phase.

“She clung to us all from out of nowhere. She had none of the attributes of an Epstein victim yet insinuated otherwise.”

— Maria Farmer on Eliza Bleu

Bleu’s outfits in the video were provocative, but they didn’t feature nudity or appear to be nonconsensual, and had been on YouTube for seven years. Still, Twitter locked the accounts of several prominent right-wing personalities who cover internet drama after they refused to delete their tweets about the music video.

Bleu, for her part, declared that the screenshots amounted to posting a “non-consensual photo.” In a series of tweets on Jan. 20, she vowed to “escalate to the full extent of the law.”

“Twitter did an outstanding job and they will be excluded from legal action. There won’t be anyone else involved spared. I take things all the way and I have no chill,” Bleu wrote. “I’m a survivor advocate and that doesn’t stop with advocating for myself as a survivor.”

Ella Irwin, Twitter’s head of trust and safety under Musk—who has also previously praised Bleu—defended the suspensions in a thread on Sunday.

“In the past 2 weeks, we’ve suspended multiple accounts and/or restricted content, causing confusion for users,” Irwin wrote. “Unfortunately, we can’t answer questions or share details about specific users and account actions.”

But Bleu’s critics have not been placated, especially after contemporaneous clips of Bleu as “Eliza Knows” celebrating the launch of the WorldStar video surfaced, suggesting that she participated in its creation consensually.

“She once told me there’s three people I would cheat on you with: Ben Shapiro, Elon Musk, and then there might have been one other.”

They’ve also dug up a 2021 interview in which Bleu told right-wing pundit Michael Malice that she was “trafficked” on Twitter when a group of people used her pictures to create social media accounts. At that point, Bleu had escaped her supposed actual traffickers years earlier, and the fake accounts were being used as some sort of ill-defined catfishing scheme, she said. Bleu’s critics have seized on that interview, in which Bleu described a sort of identity-theft as “trafficking,” as proof that Bleu uses an expansive definition of the term.

The expansive definition also didn’t sit right with Maria Farmer, a victim of Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell. From Farmer’s perspective, Bleu’s public posts seem to conflate what it means to be a sex-trafficking victim with sex work. “This woman and her cohorts have effectively bastardized the words trafficking and survivor—we just want to use the word victim now,” Farmer told The Daily Beast.

Since emerging as an anti-trafficking activist, Bleu has crossed paths with Epstein victims. In September 2020, she announced on Twitter that she had “accepted a new position with Victims Refuse Silence,” which at the time was the trafficking nonprofit of Virginia Giuffre, a high-profile victim of Epstein and Maxwell. By November of that year, Bleu tweeted that she had stepped back into a part-time role with the organization. (Corporate records in Florida from 2021 and 2022 list Bleu as the group’s secretary and director.)

Bleu was once featured in videos on the group’s website, soliciting donations, asking people to get involved, and plugging her own Twitter handle as a resource for trafficking awareness. “I firmly believe that anybody that’s helping us in the survivor space should be very thoroughly vetted because we have a lot of nefarious players that just want to be close to victims and survivors,” she said in one video, in which she claimed her former traffickers made a Twitter profile with her name, photos, and videos without her consent.

Teresa Helm, a victim of Epstein and former director of Victims Refuse Silence, said she became friends with Bleu and asked her to join the group before it dissolved. “She’s been almost like a freelancer in the world of advocacy,” said Helm, who now works for National Center on Sexual Exploitation, which was once known as “Morality in Media.”

“She’s nonstop on Twitter which has been wonderful because it has brought to light a lot of things that were happening that people weren’t paying attention to otherwise,” Helm continued, adding that Bleu told her she’s friends with Musk. “She’s been a pioneer in waking people the hell up.”

Asked about Bleu’s doubters, Helm said, “I support her as a trafficking survivor entirely. Nothing in her past makes anything less valuable in terms of her advocacy work. It’s not her job to prove anything to anybody.”

Still, some survivors of Epstein’s sex ring said they didn’t trust Bleu. One victim, who asked not to be named, told The Daily Beast that she shared concerns about Bleu after researching her background and finding ties to right-wing figures and publications, such as Pizzagate-promoter Mike Cernovich and conservative website The Blaze.

“The ability to finally share my story and connect with others was freeing, but it’s not as straightforward as ‘simply going public,’” the Epstein victim said. “Only a strong foundation of therapeutic recovery prepared me for the publicity generated by the salacious facts of this case. However, I was not prepared for my trauma being co-opted for other’s gain.”

Farmer, who tried to report Epstein and Maxwell to the feds in the 1990s, said she had raised concerns about Bleu’s backstory on Twitter, only for Bleu to block her.

“She clung to us all from out of nowhere,” Farmer said of Epstein survivors. “She had none of the attributes of an Epstein victim yet insinuated otherwise.”

Bleu’s critics have also seized on her reality-television appearances in an attempt to poke holes in her trafficking story. Sometime around 2002, for example, she appeared on the dating show Blind Date as a contestant so hostile that the show’s editors kept a running onscreen count of her complaints. In 2012, at the height of what she would later describe as her second period being sex-trafficked deep in Chicago gang territory, Bleu appeared as an amateur model on Chicago-based The Steve Harvey Show, where Tyra Banks judged her performance.

The suspensions have fueled speculation about Bleu’s access to Twitter execs and complaints that Musk’s supposed commitment to free speech only goes so far when his friends and allies are being embarrassed.

David Karpf, an associate professor in the School of Media and Public Affairs at George Washington University, told The Daily Beast that the Bleu controversy underscores how chaotic content moderation has become under Musk.

“You can say whatever you want on Twitter, so long as nobody notices and you don’t say mean things to anybody in Elon’s circles,” Karpf told The Daily Beast.

For her part, Bleu insisted on Twitter on Tuesday that she didn’t ask Musk to suspend the accounts that tweeted the WorldStar video.

“If I was going to ask for a favor from Elon Musk, I would ask him to make humans a multi-planetary species,” she wrote.

Farmer told The Daily Beast that Bleu’s support of Musk was a slap in the face to survivors. She points to Musk’s reported visit to Epstein’s Manhattan mansion and Maxwell’s infamous photo with Musk at a 2014 Vanity Fair Oscar party. “Elon Musk needs to pull out a little Shakespeare and study it: Thou doth protest too much,” she said, adding that she believes “it’s almost like he’s hired this woman to cover for himself.”

“Anyone who was even remotely affiliated with Jeffrey Epstein is odious at this stage,” she added. In response to some of Bleu’s pro-Musk tweets, multiple users have replied with the snapshot of Maxwell and Musk, with one writing: “thank you Elon Musk (shown here with convicted child sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell) for looking out for the children.” (For his part, Musk has claimed he was photobombed.)

Bleu has occasionally raised money online related to her anti-trafficking efforts. In 2020, she raised $1,625 for a vacation, writing that normally “I serve survivors of Human Trafficking, my standard caseload is 20 survivors at a time. During this season I took on an extra 61 survivors via online advocacy.”

She raised another $2,205 the following year to attend the libertarian Freedom Fest conference. Bleu has also indicated that she opened a safe house of her own for trafficking victims. In March 2020, she tweeted that she had opened the facility, called the Humanity House. It is unclear whether the facility is currently in operation.

Bleu’s latest posts, which once attracted praise, are now rife with trolls. One person created an account in her name whose main photo features Bleu bent over alongside the caption, “help im bein trafficked.” Another user remade the Steve Buscemi “fellow kids” meme with Bleu’s face and the words: “Hello fellow survivors of human trafficking.”

“There’s definitely a lot of misogyny and right wing trolls,” an ex-boyfriend of Bleu’s told The Daily Beast. “I don’t think she should have to be dealing with any of that."

According to the beau, who asked to remain anonymous, the two met in 2019 at an event for presidential candidate Andrew Yang. At the time, he says, Bleu was working in elder care and living on her family farm.

Bleu shared with him that she’d been trafficked in Los Angeles as a teenager; he had no reason to disbelieve her. “It wasn’t like she just randomly came up with like, a trafficking story,” he said, adding that when it comes to her personal life, “She is definitely a very private person, despite how public she is.”

Even back then, however, Bleu told him she wanted to be famous.

“She mentioned how she would love to be on the Ben Shapiro podcast,” the ex said, adding that she also envisioned starring on Joe Rogan’s show. “That was a joke that she had: ‘I’m going to get on Joe Rogan before you.’”

Bleu also joked about the famous men she dreamed of dating, with Musk among them. “She once told me there’s three people I would cheat on you with: Ben Shapiro, Elon Musk, and then there might have been one other,” he recalled.

“The reason this is all funny to me now is because last month she was on Ben Shapiro’s podcast. Her and Elon Musk are in communication with each other,” the ex told The Daily Beast.

“She definitely had these aspirations of being somebody. Her aspirations are kind of going exactly how she wanted in a weird way.”

[certified-anakinfucker]

7, 11, 12, 21, 33, 34, 41, 45, 51 - For my favorite Kingpin, Kovapaqe 💖 (I picked a lot so you don't have to answer them all if you don't want to 👉🏻👈🏻)

HI ELIZA!!! look at the two of us. taking solid months to ponder our blorbos

(from the weirdly specific asks)

7: What would you (mun) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell? As mun - KOVAPAQE IS AN EGGHEAD (to which he will whip around and yell 'THE FUCK?')

His best friend - The hunter Unihmawa, or better known as the Cavern Maw, uses a call and response tactic. "Kala 'kolo kuuwa?" → "Siiirok!" (It should be noted that failure to respond is allowing a full-scale search and rescue op.)

Rhysaa - All she has to say is his name, or any pet name they share. He will materialize out of thin nothingness to be at her side.

11: If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference? Kova's neat trick is how most of his nervous ticks are done physically behind his back, or they are otherwise hidden by his armor. Worrying this hands behind his hand, clenching and unclenching his jaw/grinding his teeth under his helmet, balling his toes up in his boots. You'd have to strip him bare just to be able to tell.. and only the real Kovapaqe would agree to do that. A pretender would only know his fiercely murderous Kingpin bravado, refusing to bend for any force, responding to insolence with violence.

12: What's something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific! Remembering the time he laughed at Rhysaa for wading hip-deep into a mud pit to retrieve her escaped jetpack.. and then in order to escape a particularly angry mama, he had to run chest-deep into the same mud pit. Number one event of make Kova start cracking up uncontrollably every time it crosses his mind - he swears he still hasn't been able to clean out all that muck ever since.

21: What common etiquette do they disagree with? Do they still follow it? He doesn't think Hutts should be bowed to, as they've done no real work to earn their keep as a fat fuck up on a throne. They're just scheming and conniving, using other bodies for their bidding. But sure, he plays along, though he makes it very clear he is unhappy about it.

33: How do they greet someone they dislike / hate? You're not even getting a basic hello, he's just going to stare at you with all the contained malice of a blood borne predator. He will not make any effort to make you feel welcomed; as a matter of fact he is wishing he could be a Sith so he could telepathically scream at you to get the fuck out before he reduces you to mince meat.

34: How do they greet someone they like / love? Keldabe! Strong handshake/grasping forearms! Throwing shit at you because NO FUCKING WAY IT'S BEEN TOO LONG! Lots of loudness, cursing, he's standing on top of something just to be bigger than you but it's all fun and games!

41: What phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did they pick up from someone / somewhere else? He speaks Mando'a with a distinctly Kaasi-accented base; his Finder is a Force-null Pureblood who was exiled from their family.

And since Buir raised him from just months old, he's picked up: their ferocity in battle, absolute view of disrespect as a killable offense, passion and fervor for all things in life, a slightly guttural take on Basic pronunciations. He learned his metalworking and piercing skill from Buir.

45: What's something unimportant / frivolous that they hate passionately? By the fucking stars he cannot stand Hutts. Literally the Hutts. He fucking hates Hutts. Most of everything they stand for included.

51: What's a phrase they say a lot? "HUT'UUN!" to get all the ripe little cowards out of hiding so he can beat their asses.

[bookofmirth]

For the book ask: 4, 5, 13, 14, 17, and 24

Thank you!! :D I will preface this by saying that this was a really weird reading year for me. I didn't read as much as I usually do, and what I did read I was largely not impressed with!

4) Did you discover any new authors that you love this year? I thought the answer was "no", but actually I did! Fonda Lee, Eliza Clark, Alma Katsu, Ann Leckie, Tara M. Stringfellow, and I could add in Sheena Patel and Mary Roach. The first two for sure, the Green Bone Saga series and Boy Parts were highlights of the year.

5) What genre did you read the most of? I stopped keeping track on my spreadsheet (whomp whomp) but fantasy, followed by literary fiction.

13) What were your least favorite books of the year? I could answer this question all day!!!!

Hell House by Richard Matheson reminded me of why I'm wary of men writing horror

Same with David Benioff's City of Thieves. It's not horror, but ugh. I made a shelf on my Goodreads this year called "clearly written by a man" for those two.

Really Good, Actually by Monica Heisey was soooo boring, it read like someone's sad divorce diary, not an actual novel with a plot.

14) What books do you want to finish before the year is over? our bookclub theme for December is to read one you meant to get to this year, and that's *gestures at my hundreds and hundreds of books*. A lot. However, I am rereading the adsom trilogy so that I can read Fragile Threads of Power soon! I also just got the third book in The Last Binding series by Freya Marske, and Erica Johansen has a new Nutcracker-inspired book, so I will try to read those too!

17) Did any books surprise you with how good they were? Not really. Well, maybe Boy Parts by Eliza Clark. It's dark, but thought-provoking and just my flavor of dissatisfied, angry woman lit. Walk the Vanished Earth by Erin Swan was also really interesting and surreal and the narrative slowly unfurled in a really interesting way. Considering it was a random cover buy, that was a nice surprise.

24) Did you DNF anything? Why? YES. I DNF'd Dopamine Nation, which is nonfiction and I thought would be pretty interesting. But Oh. My. God. The author actually tried comparing her shame about reading romance novels to people's actual addictions to substances. I gave it a final heave ho when she made an argument, explained a study that supports what her argument was, and then as an aside, added "oh and btw that study was later refuted" lkasdjlajsdlkasd I SCREAMED. I read The Urge: The History of Our Addiction by Erik Carl Anderson right before that, which was so, so much better written, researched, and argued, that I couldn't tolerate the way that Dopamine Nation was written. It was like, science writing for people who don't know what science is.

end-of-year book ask

[stobotnik-is-canon]

(A/N): You know what, I'm in an angst/hurt/comfort mood today, so I think I'm gonna write a self-insert Lego Ninjago Movie story where Cole opens up about his past relationship with his ex-boyfriend. (Sorry, Cole, but I'm putting you through hell today. 😈) Also, I may have gotten this idea from listening to the nightcore version of "Hoodie". 👀

Hoodie (Movie!Cole x S/I)

It was a typical day in Ninjago City. The teacher droned on about algebraic equations, and Cole and Eliza sat in the back, sharing earbuds and not paying any attention to the lesson.

"Ugh," Eliza groaned. "Math is soooo hard and boring!"

Cole nodded in agreement. "Yeah. It sucks that we're probably gonna have a test on it tomorrow."

Then, he looked out the door and noticed someone walk past. He quickly turned his head away with a solemn expression on his face. Eliza noticed this and frowned. "Hey, you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Cole replied, not making eye contact with her.

Finally, the teacher dismissed everyone, and to no one's surprise, the test was indeed tomorrow. Go figure.

Eliza and Cole walked out of the classroom, and Eliza was infodumping about a new Red Hot Chili Peppers album that was soon to come out. Cole nodded and said "mhm" and "yeah" every couple of sentences with the same look on his face from earlier. Eliza stopped and frowned. "Hey... do you need to talk about... whatever is going on in your head?"

Cole opened his mouth to speak, but then he caught sight of the same guy that passed by the classroom earlier. The guy was laughing with Chen before the two shared a sweet kiss and parted ways. Cole’s face darkened at the sight.

"Cole?" Eliza called, her voice cracking a bit. "Are you okay?"

Cole sighed and said, "See you tomorrow, I guess. Or whatever."

Then, he stormed off. Eliza ran after him. "Wait! Cole! What's wrong? You're scaring me!"

Cole stopped, but he didn't face her. "I can't believe he's with Chen now."

Eliza looked at him with both worry and confusion. "Cole, what the hell are you talking about?"

Cole sighed. "Jesse. He... is my ex. We used to do everything together. We listened to music together, sang together, hell, we swapped hoodies! But things went downhill when I revealed to him that I am the Earth Ninja."

~Flashback~

Jesse and Cole were chatting away, infodumping to each other about their favorite bands, then Cole noticed Garmadon's mech walking towards Jesse. He pushed Jesse out of the way and landed on top of him. Both boys blushed, then Jesse's expression changed into an angry one.

"COLE, WHAT THE HELL?" He shouted.

Then, he turned and saw Garmadon's mech. He looked back to where Cole was only to find that he wasn't there. Then, another mech walked towards Garmadon's, blaring loud rock music. Was that... AC/DC?

Jesse watched in shock as the mech that was blaring music attacked the other mech, the two mechs battling it out. Garmadon's mech walked away afterwards, clearly defeated. Then, a guy with a black GI hopped out of his mech and made his way towards Jesse. "Hey, you okay?" He asked.

Jesse blinked. Wait a minute... the Earth Ninja?!?! He screamed. The Earth Ninja panicked and tried to calm Jesse down.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, it's me!" Then, he pulled off his mask and revealed that he was... Cole?!?!

Jesse blinked again. "Wait, you're the Earth Ninja? AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME?!?!"

"Jesse..." Cole started, but Jesse stopped him.

"Save it. I don't want to hear your bullshit excuses. We're through."

Then, he stormed off and left Cole there.

~Flashback over~

"And ever since that day, we pretty much have been avoiding each other." Cole sighed. "I just can't believe that he has the balls to replace me with that asshat Chen."

"Oh Cole..." Eliza said, engulfing him into a hug. "I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that."

Cole smiled and hugged her back. "Thank you, Eliza." He planted a kiss on her head and laughed. "I actually still have his hoodie." He sighed. "But I don't know what to do with it. Every time I see it, I think of him, and... and..." His voice got shaky as tears welled up in his eyes.

Eliza smiled comfortingly and gently rubbed his back. "Hey... tell you what, I know a place nearby where you can donate the hoodie. Would you like to do that?"

Cole smiled as his tears started to dry. "Yeah. It's probably for the best. Maybe it's time for me to let go."

Eliza smiled and nuzzled him. "There you go. It's gonna be okay. I'm here for you." She pecked his cheek. "Always."

Cole blushed and smiled. "Alright, let's go get rid of that damn hoodie already."

(A/N): I hope you enjoyed! 😊 This is actually my first self-insert story. Plus, I headcanon Cole as bi, and I wanted to represent that while also giving him an angsty backstory.

[bluespruce25]

A Life for a Life to Balance the Scales

CW: Suicide/self-sacrifice

Follow #L4LBS updates | Up on AO3 | Previous Chapter

Chapter 4 of 5: Goodbye, My Loves

Cat Grant had not made herself easy to find in the last few years, since her display of heroics in the Daxamite invasion and the unfortunate series of events that led to the resignation of President Marsden. She had continued her work behind the scenes, quietly moving the world towards a brighter future without any of the recognition she had been used to in her previous life as National City’s preeminent Queen of all Media. 

Imagine her surprise, then, when she heard a knock at the door of her secluded Swiss Chalet, purchased through a shell company of a shell company and in no way tied back to her name. Her eyebrows rose and a small smirk played at the edge of her lips as she opened the door and recognized her unexpected guest.

“Director J’onzz, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

Wine glass in hand, she turned her back to him and walked further into the chalet. She assumed he would follow, which he did.

“Ms. Grant, I wish I could say it is a pleasure, but unfortunately, I am here with a rather heavy heart.”

This piqued her interest, “Oh? Do tell, director.”

“Ms. Grant, as you know, Supergirl has not been seen in National City for several weeks.”

“Yes, I had heard something to that effect. Let me guess, you need my help to track her down?”

J’onn looked at her with cloudy eyes, she was starting to sense that her levity in this conversation was out of place, like perhaps she had missed something crucial. It was enough to make her listen closely to what he said next with an unusual gravitas.

“I am sorry to tell you that Supergirl is dead. After killing Lex Luthor, Supergirl cremated Lex’s body in the fires of the sun and then followed willingly in his path.”

Cat’s face froze, her mouth hung slightly open, an unusual display of feeling for the former CEO and always bad-ass. 

“I’m sorry Director J’onzz. I seem to have misheard you.” She gestured with her wine glass in her hand, index finger coming away from the glass to point at J’onn. “It  sounded like you just said that Supergirl flung herself and her arch-nemesis into the sun.”

“In a manner of speaking.”

Cat sat down heavily on the nearest surface, luckily it happened to be the arm of her sofa. 

“You and I both know that this simply isn’t possible. Supergirl would never give up hope. She would never take away National City’s superhero willingly.”

“She would if it was the only way to take out Earth’s greatest threat.” J’onn retorted.

Cat paused at this, she hated to admit it, but Lex Luthor might have been the only thing in this world that could have motivated Supergirl to give up willingly. 

“And just say I believe you, Director, what does this have to do with me? I haven’t seen Supergirl in years.”

“Before she died, Supergirl recorded a message for you and asked that I make sure it finds its way into your hands.”

“I see. And I suppose this conversation” Cat gestured back and forth between them with her wine glass, “is off the record?”

J’onn sighed, once a media mogul, always a media mogul. Thankfully, he had prepared for this line of questioning.

“Yes and no. This meeting, this discussion between you and I, is off the record. However, Supergirl asked that you be the one to break the story. Everything you need and the message she left for you can be found on this drive.” With this J’onn removed the USB drive from his shirt pocket and held it out between two fingers for Cat to take. 

Before she could remove it from his grasp, he held it tighter, locking eyes with her over the USB. “She looked up to you more than anyone, you know.”

Cat blinked, took the USB and turned away to hide the tears threatening to fall. By the time she turned back, seconds later, she had squared her jaw and there was no trace of the emotions that had threatened to spill over.

“Thank you, Director J’onzz; for everything. I will do our girl justice, I promise you.”

“I know that you will.”

And with that the uniform-clad man strode out of her house closing the door behind him, and Cat was left to process everything that had just transpired. She paused for a moment and took a swig of her wine. Then, she sat down to her desk and plugged the USB into her laptop in one smooth motion.

---

A few hours later Cat stood on the balcony of her chalet overlooking the serene, snow-covered peaks all around her, breathing in the crisp mountain air. She cast her eyes into the sky, the stars on full display in the cloudless night.  “One benefit of living in a secluded valley in the heart of the Swiss alps is the lack of light pollution,”  she reflected morosely.

There she stood for a while, wine glass still twirling between her fingers, her arms crossed and the hand holding the glass resting just in front of her shoulder. The tear tracks on her cheeks shone faintly in the moonlight, the only evidence of her heartbreak. 

She spoke reverently, seemingly to the stars themselves, “Rest in power, Supergirl.” Then, even more softly, she added, “Be at peace, Kara.”

As she turned to go inside, her last murmur caught on the wind. “Tch... I mean glasses as a disguise, really.”

She shook her head, a thoughtful look on her face as she walked through the doors and back over to her laptop on the coffee table. The eulogy of the most beloved citizen of Earth wasn’t going to write itself, after all. 

---

“Alex, honey? Can I come in?” Eliza asked as she knocked lightly on the door to the guest room. Alex couldn’t bring herself to stay in the bedroom she had shared with Kara for five years before going off to college. Kelly was helping Andrea manage the fallout of the failed Obsidian North Worldwide Unity Festival, but she would be making her way to Midvale on the evening train.

As Eliza opened the door a crack to check on Alex, she found her daughter sitting on the edge of the bed absentmindedly fiddling with the crystal hung from a plain silver chain around her neck. 

“Alex?” Eliza repeated. This time, Alex looked up at her, the far off look slowly faded as her mom came back into focus. “Honey, I know this has been hard, but I think it’s time. You have to say goodbye. It’s been three weeks since J’onn arrived from Mars, and I think you need the closure.”

Alex broke their eye contact, looking down at her hands.

Eliza followed her cue and looked out the window towards the beach. 

“She sent me one too, you know?” Alex looked up at this. “She told me that she loved me and thanked me for taking her in.” Eliza dropped her gaze to her hands, Alex was quick to pull the closest one into her own lap to hold, encouraging Eliza to continue.

“She said that she hoped she made me proud and that she was sorry for Jeremiah, for coming in and blowing up our perfect family; for setting things on fire with her heat vision and that terrible attitude she had when she first got here.” Eliza brought her gaze to Alex’s face, “and you know what Alex? I was so mad  .” Eliza looked up at the ceiling for a moment, “I was so mad at her. After  everything  we’ve all been through, I loved her as my own daughter. I have felt  every  heartbreak and  every  joy right alongside her since she was thirteen years old, and after all these years, the last thing she has to say to me is to  apologize  for being a burden. Everything we’ve been through together, all of the love we’ve shared and the legacy of our family is reduced to tragedy and apologies.”

Alex blinked, not sure what to do with what Eliza was saying; stunned to hear feelings that so closely mirrored her own. 

“The last thing I will ever have of her,” Eliza paused, choosing her next words carefully, “is her wishing that she hadn’t caused so much trouble. That we had been spared having her come into our lives. Can you  believe  that? The last words I will hear my daughter say are that she wished she had never become my daughter.”

Eliza sniffled, just keeping the tears at bay. 

“I know that she didn’t mean it like that, I do. But I am so  mad  , Alex. I am mad that she is gone. I’m mad that she could ever have believed that I would change a single thing about raising her, about loving her. I’m mad that I will never get the chance to scold her for it.” Eliza let out a forced chuckle. “I am  so mad  that I will never get to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her, and how mad I am that she made this decision; how mad I am that she could ever question the blessing she has been in my life.”

Eliza patted Alex’s hands entwined with hers. “So take your time, Alex. Feel whatever it is you need to feel. You’ll get no judgement from me. When you’re ready, hear what she has to say and afterwards, I think you should let Kelly make a recommendation for someone for you to see.”

---

A few hours had passed since her mom looked in on her when Alex finally looked up, away from her hands. The sun had just about set, casting long shadows across the first floor room. Her jaw was set, firm, and her eyes held a singular intent. Slowly, she got up and made her way upstairs. Opening the door to their bedroom, she took in every detail: the NSYNC posters and the paisley bedspreads; the telescope and star charts. She closed her eyes against the memories that poured in. 

Making her way into the middle of the room, she set up the mini crystal projector that J’onn had leant her. She pulled the necklace off over her head and looked down at it for a moment, studying it before she placed it in the console. She adjusted the projector so that the hologram would appear just over Kara’s bed. She wrapped her arms around the nearest teddy bear and sat cross-legged on top of her comforter. As she got settled in, Kara’s face flickered into view. The hologram wasn’t even fully formed as the first sob broke through Alex’s lips, wracking her whole body. Still, she carried on through blurred eyes. 

“Oh Alex, I am so sorry. You must be so mad at me right now. I am so,  so sorry. I had to do it Alex. I had to kill Lex. It was the only way. You are the only one who can understand this, who can understand why I had to do this. Killing Lex was the only way to stop him from hurting more people and it had to be me that did it. I am the only person in the world who could have surprised him like that.”

Kara went on to recount the events that Alex had already pieced together as part of their investigation. Kara had ambushed Lex at a little known barbershop downtown. She had flown them directly to the Fortress of Solitude without stopping and had immediately killed him with a lethal overdose of morphine. They had the footage from the Fortress so they already understood her motives and everything she explained to Lex before he lost consciousness, and eventually his heartbeat. Alex was surprised to learn about the Vanishing Point and how Supergirl had memorized his heartbeat. Kara had never talked about the Vanishing Point, or Crisis, not if she could help it. 

It somehow made it worse, hearing everything in Kara’s own words. Knowing, definitively, that this wasn’t some elaborate ruse. Knowing that Kara Zor-El, Supergirl, had killed Lex Luthor in the name of justice and then flown him and herself into the sun. 

Alex tuned back in as she heard Kara transition to the part where she got into the pod. 

“Alex, there is something I need you to understand. About why I had to go too. As you know from the existence of these crystals, my death was not an accident. The truth is that Lex Luthor had to die, Supergirl had to be the one to kill him, and Supergirl does not kill. The moment Lex’s heart stopped beating, Supergirl ceased to exist.”

“I know what you’re going to say” Kara continued as if they were debating pineapple on pizza rather than her death, “‘ You are more than Supergirl. Kara Danvers is my sister.’ And you’re right, Alex. You are absolutely right. Kara Danvers is more than just Supergirl, but, like Kara Danvers, Supergirl is just another piece of Kara Zor-El.”

“I had to face justice for the crime of killing Lex, just as he had to face justice for killing dozens of innocent people, for all of the crimes and murders committed in his schemes. By killing him, I became no better than Lex Luthor, and therefore, my only choice was to join him in the judgement of the sun. I’m not sure if you’ll ever believe me or agree, but it had to be this way.”

Alex could feel herself shaking, the tears falling freely and her hands balled up into fists at her side, but Kara couldn’t see her, couldn’t hear her fuming, so Kara continued. 

“I am  sorry  for causing you pain, Alex. I’m sorry that I can’t be there for you, to help you through this. But I had to do the right thing. I had to end Lex’s hold on us. Everything I have done, I have done out of love for Earth and for you, for our family. I have done everything I can to help people, but I cannot help people as the monster that Lex always feared I would become. My time on Earth is over, and if I want my legacy to mean anything, then Supergirl has to die with Lex. Not just in spirit, not just in name. I have to atone for my sins just as he did. We both always knew, if it came down to it, I would sacrifice myself to save my planet; to save Earth. I hoped it wouldn’t come to that, but this time it did.”

At this, the hologram of Kara leaned forward, 

“Alex, all I have ever wanted is for you to be happy. I know that this choice will only make that harder, but I hope that you will still find your happy ending. I hope that you have someone who can keep you grounded and can teach you to love yourself. No matter what though, Alex, you have to put yourself first. You have to love yourself as fiercely as you loved me.”

Kara smiled, one last brilliant smile, for Alex, “You will never know how blessed I was to have Alex Danvers for a sister. You are my best friend and my biggest supporter. Supergirl could never have made it all those years without you in her corner. Now that I’m gone, I ask that you support the others as you have supported me. Help Lena build the world that we know is possible. Lead the DEO into a new future, one where it helps aliens more than it hurts them, where it protects all citizens of Earth equally. Be there for Clark. He is now truly the last Son of Krypton. He will need people who understand, and we both know that it’s a pretty short list.”

Alex scoffed, “ Yeah no pressure there, Kara. Jesus.”

“I love you, Alex. Thank you for being my sister, for showing me the light, and for introducing me to NSYNC.” Alex’s eyes flit up to the posters above her sister’s bed. “There are no words for the joy you have brought into my life. Thank you for every moment of it.”

Kara’s face shuttered and disappeared as the hologram powered down. 

---

Alex was sitting on the bed, her whole body shaking in rage, her breaths coming in hiccups. A moment later, she was screaming at the empty space above Kara’s bed, not looking at the console now laying upended on the floor with the offending pillow next to it. She let out another wordless cry, falling to her knees with her head in her hands. She didn’t hear Eliza come up the stairs, or hear her call her name. Supergirl’s big sister was all alone with her grief until the moment she felt their mom wrap her arms around her, as Alex scrambled to hold onto them like a lifeline, like she would fall to pieces without her mother’s love holding her together. 

“How could she?!” Alex said softly, not expecting an answer, not really wanting one. Eliza just held her tighter, rocking her back and forth as she repeated, “I’ve got you, Alex. I’ve got you.” over and over, rubbing circles on her daughter’s back. Hours later, Kelly let herself in and found them curled up together, asleep in Alex’s childhood bed. She looked around and took in the console and the crystal with the simple chain that she recognized from around Alex’s neck. She leaned down to plant a soft kiss on Alex’s temple and brushed her knuckles across the short stands of red hair that had fallen across the agent’s forehead. Without making a sound, she backed slowly out of the room, closing the door just enough that they won’t be disturbed as she unpacked downstairs.

---

Lena was where she always was, in her lab, working intensely on her computer, running algorithm after algorithm to try to find any other combination of elements, any other explanation for the energy readings after the solar flare. Her eyes were dry and stony as she took a swig of her room-temperature coffee, grimacing as she swallowed instead of spitting it back out. She had no idea what time it was, let alone how long it had been since that coffee was fresh. The fluorescent lights in her lab followed no circadian rhythm and years of being CEO before Crisis had completely demolished her own. The lights weren’t doing anything to hide the deep circles under her eyes, the product of too many hours in the lab and not enough sleep. Kara would be so mad that she wasn’t taking care of herself.  “Then again, this time it’s Kara’s fault, isn't it?”  Lena thought ruefully. It had been 28 days, four weeks, since the solar flare.

She blinked her eyes back into focus on the monitor in front of her. 

As she was about to run her one million and twelfth algorithm, she heard the door behind her open with a soft whoosh. Her heart skipped a beat involuntarily. She knew it wasn't Kara. She knew, intellectually, that Kara wouldn’t be the one walking through her door, but she couldn’t help the flicker of hope in her eyes as she turned to face Alex. Her jaw clenched and she turned back to the monitor.

“How can I help you, Director Danvers?”  “Is Alex even the director of the DEO any more?”  Lena had lost track with Crisis, and then Lex’s revisionist history, and now his demise. She supposed it couldn't hurt to call all the once and former directors by that title until someone corrected her. “  Maybe it’s like being Secretary of State, or President, once a Madame Secretary, always a Madame Secretary  ,  ”  she mused. 

Alex sighed, “I’m not giving up, Lena. I don’t care what she says or what’s on the crystals.” She gestured to the crystal laying on its side, acting as a priceless paperweight for the barely organized piles of academic journals and fringe publications that Lena had stacked haphazardly all over the lab. “ God, what would Lillian say to see my lab in this state,”  Lena thought with ire. Without turning she spit out, “Just leave, Alex. I’ll find you when I know something.”

Alex didn’t move, didn't leave. Lena was about to raise her voice when she heard an unexpected visitor call her name, softly.

Stunned, Lena turned around to face them, “Eliza?” she asked, wondering if her overtired eyes were finally deceiving her. 

“What are you doing here? Is everything okay? Why aren’t you back in Midvale?” The “ where you belong ” at the end of the sentence was merely implied, but not lost on Eliza.

“Sweetie,” Lena bristled at the pet name. Eliza opened her arms, palms facing up and out “I don’t expect you to give up, or to stop looking. I know that if the roles were reversed, Kara would do the same.” Lena’s nostrils flared at the mention of Kara’s name, as if Eliza, as if any of them could say what Kara would do. Obviously they couldn’t, or they would have stopped her from flying herself into the sun like an idiot.

Lena maintained her silence. Eliza continued, “Whatever happened between you, whatever happened with Kara and Lex, you owe it to yourself to hear what she had to say. You owe it to yourself to hear her side of the story. You can love her for it or hate her for it afterwards, but first you need to hear her out. I know it’s hard, but you don’t want to go to the memorial tomorrow without having had the chance to say goodbye yourself first.”

Lena huffed as her eyes flashed in warning, “I’m  not  giving up.”

Eliza held up her hand to silence Lena, a glint in her usually soft eyes that Lena recognized but had never before seen in the Danvers matriarch. 

“And I’m not asking you to. All I am asking is that you open your heart one last time, to put her voice to rest while you work to find her. Right now, we don’t know how long it could take, or if she will ever come back to us. But she told me to care for you as I have cared for her, and right now, that means helping you find enough closure to pick yourself up and move through the day. I’m sorry, honey. I am so sorry that you have to do this. I am so sorry that she did this to you, to all of us. But we have to keep going. The world needs you. Lex may be gone, but there are plenty of others out there counting on Supergirl’s absence to give them free reign. We can’t let that happen and we need your help to stop them, but you can’t help anyone until you’ve found peace for yourself.”

“I will never find peace while Kara is out there,” Lena started. Eliza opened her mouth to cut in, but this time it was Lena who raised a hand to quiet her. “ But  ” she said pointedly, “I  will watch the hologram. You’re right. I’ve left it too long. If anything it may hold clues to getting her back.”

“Eliza?” Lena asked softly. 

“Yes, dear?”

Lena looked down at where she was pulling on the fingers of her left hand with her right. “I’m so afraid” Lena’s voice broke just as Eliza wrapped her in a tight embrace. “I know sweetie; we all are. You know what Kara used to say? Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is being afraid, but doing what’s right anyway.”

Lena chuckled and wiped her eyes, “That’s exactly the type of cliche, hallmark rip-off thing Kara Danvers would say.”

They all shared in a quiet laugh that died quickly between them. 

Lena inhaled deeply, steadying herself for what she was about to do. She took the crystal from its home atop a handwritten page of algorithms obscured by coffee rings and angrily scribbled out equations. 

Turning her back to Alex and Eliza, she walked to the far end of her lab where there was a large area of unoccupied space and a small console awaiting the crystal. 

With one last sigh, Lena placed the crystal into the console and watched as Kara’s face flickered into view. Her eyes filled immediately with tears, but this time she didn’t care if they spilled over. She didn’t care about anything other than the cerulean blue eyes staring back at her. 

---

“Lena.” Kara started. “I want to start by saying that I am sorry for your loss; sorry to have been the one to take your brother away from you again. It had to be me this time.”

“I know that you will need closure. I have embedded here the recording of his return to the sun. I know that you will need to see it with your own eyes to believe it, especially after the last time. I promise that this time it is done. He cannot hurt you anymore, I made sure of it. If you aren’t ready to see this, you should stop the recording now.”

Kara paused for a moment to give Lena time to decide. Lena didn’t move from where she stood. She wasn’t sure if it is because she couldn’t or because finally, she was truly ready to let Lex go, once and for all. Either way, she waited too long and the hologram of Kara leaned forward to push a button Lena couldn’t see and flickered out of view. 

In her place, the image of a body which can only be Lex appeared, backlit by the brightest light Lena had ever seen. She could see the sunlight bouncing off the crown of his shiny bald head. His beard was  almost as immaculate as normal. He looked peaceful in this death, unlike the chaotic horror of the last time she saw his dead body before her, her ears still ringing from the shot that she took, the shot that took his life. She appreciated that this time was much more peaceful, more dignified. 

She looked past his body to where the colors of the sun churned across its surface. As a scientist, she knew that the sun was a ball of gases, but the limited color range of the hologram made it look deep and varied like the surface of the open ocean, a living, moving place. 

She watched as Kara wrapped Lex in her cape, a fine shroud of Kryptonian cloth. Something of Clark’s to go into the void with him. How fitting, how  ironic.  Lena stared as Kara said a blessing and, without any further fanfare, gently pushed his body towards the sun. His sister watched as Lex’s body erupted into flames and was swallowed in a small solar flare, barely a blip on the surface of the yellow star. 

---

Kara turned back towards the pod, her expression inscrutable. The hologram showed her reaching in and then the screen cut back to the previous hologram of her sitting in the pod addressing Lena straight on.

At some point, Lena realized, Alex and Eliza must have excused themselves and stepped out because she was now alone in her lab with only Kara’s hologram in front of her. The only thing Lena could see was Kara’s face, those bright blue eyes brimming with tears; eyes full of the shadows of a home destroyed, not once but twice, of being stuck alone in the Phantom Zone for decades, and then again at the Vanishing Point; the hurt of losing so many over such a short life; the weight of infinite worlds pulling her broad shoulders into a distinctly un-Supergirl-like sag. Lena knew that this wasn’t Supergirl, even if she couldn’t make out the vacancy of the crest ripped off of her chest, Lena would know just from the look in her eyes. Supergirl died the moment Lex’s heart stopped beating. The woman in the hologram in front of her was Kara Zor-El, and Lena Luthor had never loved anyone as much as the beautiful Kryptonian struggling to keep it together long enough enough to say goodbye. 

A sob tore its way out of Lena’s throat. Whether it was the confirmation that Lex was, in fact, dead or the devastation in the eyes of the woman she loved, either way it was suddenly too much. 

Lena was standing, though barely, with her arm outstretched, the other fluttering uselessly in front of her mouth as her breath hitched and her knees threatened to give out beneath her.

Kara said her name like a benediction, “ Lena ,” and the Kryptonian’s face softened into a warm smile, the one Lena was 70 percent sure was reserved just for her. Kara’s face looked everything like she’d just come home to find Lena in her apartment after a long day at CatCo, like Lena remembered from before; before Shelley Island, before the secret, before everything fell apart between them. 

The shock reverberated through her body as Lena’s knees hit the ground, finally overwhelmed by her emotions, but she felt no pain from the impact. She would have had to be capable of feeling physical pain for that, but she couldn’t feel anything except the insides of her heart being pulled apart at the atomic level. For a moment, part of her wondered if that was physically possible and remembered her discussion with Kara about quantum entanglement almost a year prior. There wasn’t enough enriched uranium in the world to build a bomb capable of replicating the searing pain ripping through Lena’s chest. 

Coming back to herself, Lena looked up as Kara began speaking. 

“I had to do it Lena. There is no one else on this planet who understands why the way you do. You have made the decision I made. You have seen what I have seen, drawn the same conclusions, it was the only way.”

“But..” Kara had the decency to look somewhat ashamed, “understanding why I killed Lex doesn’t necessarily mean you understand why I had to go too. Does it?”

Lena seethed at the understatement .  Kara continued, unaware of the incredulity of the woman listening to her speech. 

“Lena, you and I both know that as soon as I killed Lex, I became the worst case scenario he ever imagined, the story he used to use to fuel his hate-filled schemes. I became a danger to humans, to Earth. I took the law into my own hands; acted as judge and jury. We both know that death is a paltry justice for the infinite lives lost because of Lex before, during, and after Crisis. The thing is, the rest of the world has no idea. To them, Lex Luthor is a Nobel Peace Laureate,  The Man of Tomorrow , a shining example of the best humanity has to offer. Supergirl, then, is just the cold-blooded murderer of her long-time friend and ally.” 

Kara sighed. 

“Even if the whole world knew the truth about Lex, the real truth, it wouldn’t matter. I betrayed who I am when I killed him. Supergirl does not kill. That’s not just Supergirl, that’s Kara too. All of me killed Lex, and all of me must atone for that. A life for a life to balance the scales.”

Kara looked desperately out of the hologram, every inch of her face pleading with Lena to understand why she did it. “Please Lena, you have to understand. You are the only one that can. I couldn’t do what I needed to do and still be me. I had to sacrifice myself, sacrifice Supergirl so that Lex couldn't hurt anyone ever again. It was the only way. It was a small price for your safety, for the safety of the world.”

Lena chuckled, burying her face in her hands. As much as she wanted to murder Supergirl and strangle Kara, she did understand. Hadn’t she made the same choice a year ago, consequences be damned? She knew better than anyone after Lex and Ben Lockwood and the Children of Liberty that Supergirl killing Lex was exactly the dog whistle they needed to regain legitimacy and launch a renewed attack on aliens everywhere. Lena hated it, thought it was infuriating and stupid, thought that if Kara had just come to her they could have sorted it out, a better solution, but at the same time, she understood it. She had done the same thing. She too had risked everything to rid the world of the menace that was her brother. 

Lena understood why Lex had to die, she even understood why killing Lex would be the end of Supergirl, but she would never understand, could  never understand why Supergirl had to kill Kara too. 

The dark-haired woman’s thoughts were interrupted when the blonde, now crying, repeated the words Kara had once said to her when Lena had been too hurt and too stubborn to listen, she repeated them over and over again, “Lena, I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me.” If only Lena had responded back then the way her heart wanted to respond now. 

This time, however, Kara’s pleas for forgiveness were followed by a soft admission Lena was not expecting, “ I love you  . I have always loved you, Lena Luthor. You are, and will always be, the best thing that ever happened to me. All the secrets and pushing you away, it was because I couldn’t stand to lose you. Did I ever tell you that your mom tipped her hand once?” Kara asked rhetorically. “About a year into our friendship when you had been taken hostage by Rhea and I was working with Cadmus, with Lillian, to rescue you. She had already kidnapped me and used my adoptive father, Jeremiah, to get to Alex and I. She already knew my identity. I asked her why she never told you, and you know what she said? She said, ‘Eventually, she'll find out on her own. Find out that you've been lying to her all this time. And when she does?  She'll hate you for it.’  and I should’ve known better. I should have had more faith in you and in our friendship, but...” Kara paused shaking her head. “I already cared about you so much. When she said that, the thought of losing you, especially when you were being held captive by that psycho on Daxam’s ship. It just put a fear in me that I couldn’t shake. Every single time I tried to tell you, I could see Lillian smirking in the background just waiting to watch our friendship fall apart. The closer we became, and after I realized my love for you, the stakes were just that much higher. Every moment, every hopeful opportunity and then missed chance weighed all the more heavily. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy, a loop that I couldn’t get out of. If I told you, you would hate me, but every second I lied I increased that inevitable hatred ten fold while also delaying it if only slightly. In the end, she was right, but not because of my secret, and not because our friendship was weak, but because I was weak; because I let a secret become a lie. Now that I’m here and I know this is the end, I’m not sure I can forgive myself for wasting what little time we had together. Knowing you for five years just isn’t enough for me. I would’ve taken a lifetime and then asked for an eternity.”

Kara looked so small, her head bowed and her shoulders turned in as if to protect herself. 

“The worst part is that I’ll never know what we could have been. If I had more time to fix this, I wonder what we could have been together? I wonder if you would’ve wanted that. I guess now, facing the end, I’m finally ready to ask that outloud, even if I’ll never get to hear your answer.” Kara reflected wistfully. 

Lena fell backward from her knees hard onto her tailbone, her legs were bent beside her, one arm caught her as she toppled over. She blinked, incredulous. Before she could even register what was happening, she was getting back on her feet yelling at Kara, at the hologram, with every ounce of pain she had ever felt. 

“NO! You don’t  get  to say that. You do  not  get to tell me you love me and then  leave  ! You don’t get to decide for us that we don’t get to figure this out together, to have a future together. You have  no right  to decide that for both of us.”

“How dare you! HOW  DARE YOU!”

“Dammit, Kara. How  COULD  you? Why didn’t you ever tell me? Why couldn’t you have just said something, anything? You bastard! You self-aggrandizing, arrogant, hero with a god-complex. Why couldn’t you just leave well enough  alone  ? Why couldn’t you ask for help,  you stoic idiot.  God, did you ever, in your whole life, stop to think? What the hell are we supposed to do now?”

Lena stopped, but only because she couldn’t continue, not if she wanted to save some air for breathing. Frankly, she wasn’t sure that she did want to breathe, but her lungs were screaming at her, making the decision for her. In the sudden silence, hologram Kara was there. She hadn't spoken since her revelation. “ Maybe she knew I would need time to tell her off,” Lena mused darkly.

In the silence, Kara’s face was pensive, she grabbed the back of her neck and reached for glasses that weren’t there. The small mannerisms perforated a crack down the center of Lena’s breastbone. Kara looked shy, nervous even. Finally she said, “This is it, my love. I have to go now. If I wait any longer the pod won’t be able to make it back to you.”

“I’ve set the console to record what’s going to happen next. This is my last crystal. Like I said before, I know you will need to see it with your own eyes to believe…” Kara’s voice cracked, “to know that I am really gone. The rest of the world may need that too.”

“Just know that I will always be with you, Lena Luthor. I will love you,  always . Goodbye my love.”

Kara leaned forward to end the recording, but hesitated, adding, “You should, uh, stop here...if you’re not ready. The rest will be...intense.” Then softly, she added, with her face smoothing into the calm confidence of someone going out to meet death as an old friend, one final, “Goodbye.”

Lena scrambled to the console and ripped the crystal out of its hole. She might have considered herself tough, but there was no way in hell she was ready to see the love of her life  die  right in front of her. 

With the crystal clenched in one hand she sat back down and braced her back against the lab bench, sobbing uncontrollably. It barely registered as Alex and Eliza wrapped their arms around her, but as more and more arms appeared, she realized that everyone was there, the whole Superfamily. Eventually she calmed down, her breathing leveled out, and the group hug dissipated just enough for everyone to collect themselves. There wasn’t a dry eye among them, Lena realized, the thought pinched her heart even tighter. 

Lena looked over them with resolve. She cleared her throat and the collective room moved to focus their attention on her. 

“I’m…” Lena cleared her throat again as she looked at their faces in turn; James, Kelly, Nia, Brainy, Alex, J’onn, Eliza. “I’m not ready yet to watch the end, but I promise you that when I am, anyone here who wants to be there will be welcome. I know that we all need closure. I am sorry that we have to go into the memorial tomorrow without that last piece, but I...I just need more time.”

Alex was the first to step up. She placed a hand on Lena’s arm and looked directly into her eyes, meeting her gaze. “Take all the time you need, Lena. We are not giving up here. Not on her, and not on you. We will be with you, all of us, every step of the way.  We are your family now, and, to quote Kara’s favorite movie,” they all chuckled at this, “Ohana means family, and family means that nobody gets left behind or forgotten.” Lena gave Alex a watery smile, a smile mirrored on everyone’s faces around the room.  Finally, Lena bowed her head in acceptance, not of Kara’s death, but of her new family.

Next Chapter

[zafirosreverie]

Por amor al arte (Julieta x Fem!Reader) part 23

part1 < > next

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You sighed tiredly as you rocked Eliza. She hadn’t slept well, she had tossed and cried a few times throughout the night, which was not normal. You had tried everything to calm her down, but nothing had worked and it was already 4 in the morning.

"Eli, please" you tried to calm her "go to sleep, my love"

But the girl just kept squirming and groaning. She wasn't really crying, but you knew it was only a matter of time. You tried to sing and coo to her more, but she cried for a comfort you couldn't seem to give her. Your mind wandered to a room across the hall, where your gorgeous brunette was.

The older woman usually got up around five in the morning to prepare breakfast, but you knew she was awake long before that. It was one of your favorite “fights” with her. No matter how hard she tried, you would always end up waking up when she separated from you and you would try to get her to go back to bed. God, how you missed those days.

You shook your head slightly and returned your focus to Eli. You no longer knew what to do, you had slept very little, just like your daughter, and even though you had respected the brunette's space in recent days, this was bigger than you. Eliza needed help and no one had yet been born who could calm her down better than Julieta. Maybe she could help you.

"Very well, little one" you said to your daughter, getting up with her in arms "you win, let's go see if mamá Juli wants to open the door for us"

You put on your sneakers and looked at your brother for a moment before leaving the nursery. Your heart was beating fast and you felt like a prisoner headed for the electric chair. It wasn't that you were afraid of the brunette, but that you still didn't have the face to face her after what you did to her.

“Moving forward hurts and can be hard, but what awaits you cannot be worse than what you have, on the contrary, you can only improve from here”

Alma's voice echoed in your mind. The matriarch had really done a lot for you, and you had promised her that you would at least try to patch things up with her daughter, get back on the friendly ground if you couldn't be something else. And you weren't going to break that promise.

You marveled at how easily Eliza began to calm down just by looking at the drawing on the woman's door, so you stood there for a moment, letting your daughter pat the wood while you tried to work up the courage to call. What if she got angry? What if you were wrong and she was actually asleep? What if she didn't want to see you?

You shook those thoughts away when Eli growled again. The picture of Julieta on the door was beautiful, but it wasn't the real Julieta and your daughter wouldn't get any comfort from it. You understood her, the same thing happened to you. You took a deep breath before knocking softly and tentatively on the door.

You waited a few moments before calling again and your heart beat a thousand per hour when you heard soft footsteps from inside. You wanted to run the moment the doorknob turned, but you had to be strong for the small bundle in your arms.

Julieta gasped silently as she opened the door to find you standing there, looking everywhere but at her, with a very upset Eli in your arms. If she was honest, she didn't know who she had expected to find, maybe Pepa or Mirabel, but not you. Her pulse quickened as she noted the blush on your cheeks, your glassy eyes, and your wild, loose hair. You looked beautiful and the warmth that spread through her only made her remember how cold her bed was these days without you.

"Hola" you murmured softly and awkwardly, looking at the ground.

"Hola" she replied quietly.

“S-sorry to bother you but…”

"Are you okay?" the brunette asked, taking a step closer to you

You were amazed to hear the concern in her voice. Things weren't good between you, you hadn't spoken in days, you had been avoiding each other, you had made a mistake that had hurt her…and yet her first instinct upon seeing you was to make sure you were okay. You really didn't deserve her.

"Yes, I am" you said "It's Eli who needs you"

"What's going on?"

The older woman peered at the child in your arms and at last, she noticed the weak and tired way in which she held out her hands to her. She had missed her too. These days, she hadn't gotten close to Eli, because you had been using her as a shield, she felt back in your house, when she felt the baby calling her but she didn't have the courage to take her. Losing you meant losing Eliza too.

“I don't know,” you admitted, “she hasn't slept all night. She cried a little but mostly she's been grunting and squirming. I've tried everything, give her more warm milk, cuddle her, sing to her. But nothing has worked. She is looking for a comfort that I cannot give her…but maybe you can”

Julieta looked at you, while another wave of heat spread throughout her body. It was a frighteningly familiar feeling, it was the same one she had she had felt when she held Eliza for the first time, the same fire that was born in her while protecting her from the De La Moras, the same pride when Eli walked up to her and called her mom. She realized at that moment that no matter what happened between you, in her heart Eliza was already engraved as one of her daughters.

“I'll go if you ask me to” you promised “but please help her…there's no one who can calm her down like you. She wants you, not me or anyone else”

"Mama" Eliza stammered as if to prove your point.

"Come here, amor" Julieta whispered, letting a small smile escape her.

You passed your daughter over to her and watched gratefully as the girl buried her little face in the woman's chest almost immediately. Once you knew your daughter would be okay, you turned to leave. Perhaps the floor of the nursery was not the most comfortable, and you doubted that you would rest well, but at least you had one less worry.

“Y/N”

You stopped in your tracks and closed your eyes for a moment before fearfully turning to the older woman. You didn't want to bother her more than you already have and you mentally kicked yourself for assuming that she would let your daughter sleep in her room without asking her first. That she agreed to help didn't mean that things magically went back to the way they were before.

"Yes?" you asked

It was the brunette's turn to take a deep breath before looking at you. A part of her told her to leave it alone, to accept her fate, that this was a mistake that would only hurt her more. But most of her was screaming at her to keep trying, for her not to give up on you, for her to at least get you back as her friend. She decided to listen to that part.

“Stay here” she told you “It was a long night for you two, you need to rest too and I doubt that the floor of the nursery will let you do it. Besides…I have to go downstairs soon to prepare breakfast, I won't bother you”

"I'm the one who doesn't want to bother you" you said without thinking

"You have never been a bother to me" she told you without missing a beat.

You looked into her eyes and for a moment, it felt as if nothing had changed, as if the fog of uncertainty lifted for an instant. Maybe it was the fire in her eyes or her shy smile, or the fact that nothing about her screamed hatred or rancor. You didn't know, but something made you want to say yes.

Fortunately, someone else helped that something to push you towards the woman in a more literal way. You gasped as you slammed into Julieta, who barely reached an arm around your waist to keep you from falling. You two blushed brightly before looking at what had tripped you up. The tiles shook in a gesture you could have sworn was mocking. That damn house!

"Casita" The brunette scolded before the door closed behind you.

"I swear that one of these days I'm going to have a heart attack" you said "And you'll have to tell Eli that I died fighting crocodiles or something because what a shame that her mother dies scared by a house like a fucking coward"

The older woman blinked a bit before letting out a small giggle. She admired that you could joke around so easily when only a few seconds before the atmosphere had been so tense. If she was honest, she had missed your perfectly ill-timed jokes.

"You know I'll only tell her embarrassing stories about you, like the time you cried because you dropped your slice of cake, right?" she asked with a raised eyebrow

“You're evil, Julieta Madrigal” you gasped, putting a hand on your chest “in my defense, it was your mango cake and you refused to give me another slice afterwards. I had every right to cry” you defended yourself

“Because it was the third slice I gave you” she reminded you with a smile “but okay, maybe I'll tell Eli ONE good thing about you…so I wouldn't die if I were you”

“I will try if only to save my ego”

You two looked at each other with big smiles on your faces, feeling the weight of the past days lift from your shoulders. The brunette was about to say something when a small snore reminded you that there was someone else in the room. You were surprised to realize that Eliza was fast asleep on the woman's chest, with a small drop of saliva threatening to fall.

"Really? I try to put her to sleep for hours, and you do it in minutes? What kind of magic do you have?” you asked

"The advantages of being a mother, I had three, some tricks I had to learn" she smiled at you, gently rocking your daughter as she walked to the bed.

You watched in silence as Julieta carefully laid Eliza down in the middle of the bed, putting a couple of pillows next to her to keep her from rolling over. A feeling of warmth washed over you, mixed with a wave of nerves. You didn't want this near-perfect, familiar scene to end, but something told you that you had to fix things now or you'd never find the courage to talk to her so freely again.

"So she just missed you" you murmured "I can understand her"

Julieta looked at you for a moment before carefully approaching you. She didn't like the way the atmosphere around you changed again, feeling the chill of your absence seep into her bones again. She knew that the conversation that was so necessary but at the same time terrifying was finally coming.

You watched as she stood in front of you, fiddling with her fingers in a nervous gesture. She looked so lost, so fragile, so scared. She opened her mouth to say something but the words didn't come out. But it was okay, it was your turn to talk anyway.

“Juli, I…” you sighed “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left like that, I shouldn't have avoided you…I'm so sorry I hurt you”

“No” she whispered, finally finding her voice, though it was a weak and broken one, “it's me who should apologize. I shouldn't have kissed you, I shouldn't have crossed that line…I shouldn't have wanted more than you can give me and foolishly believe that you loved me as I love you”

"But I do love you" you said, taking her face in your hands to stop her tirade.

You wanted to cry when you saw fear, confusion and a hint of hope mixed in her chocolate eyes. How much damage did you do?

"What?" the brunette gasped “No…no Y/N, don't do this to me…don't lie to me like that, don't give me hope” she begged you and your heart broke.

“I swear on my daughter, who is the most sacred thing I have, that I am not lying to you” you told her, wiping away the tears that began to flow from her eyes.

"Then why-"

“Because I'm scared” you interrupted her “I'm completely terrified. I am afraid of starting over, that what you find with me will be more pain than joy…I am afraid of how strong the fire you lit in me is…but I love you, Julieta Madrigal, more than I have ever loved anyone”

She looked at you, tears streaming down her cheeks faster than you could wipe them away. She didn't know how to feel about it. The days she spent crying for you, fearing that she had lost you forever, the pain, the sadness, were mixed with the immense joy of knowing that you felt the same for her, that she had a chance to be happy with you after all.

“Loving is scary” she agreed “You have no idea the terror I felt when I realized that I had fallen in love with you, Y/N, it felt like a betrayal of my old life…but at some point a new chapter has to start ”

“Yes…but it scares me” you repeated “because you are the most beautiful thing that life has given me and I don't want to lose you. I can never keep pretty things."

"What about Eliza?"

“I thought she was already a Madrigal”

You two laughed heartily. You really shouldn't be joking in the middle of such a serious and important moment. But when have you listened to the rules? Neither you nor she cared about the rules when you were together. However, there was still one doubt in her mind.

"You'll be leaving soon" she said. It was not a question.

"What are you talking about?" you frowned

"I heard you talk to Dolores" the brunette confessed

"Oh..."

Julieta waited for you to finish ordering your thoughts. She really wanted you to tell her it was a lie, to promise her that you wouldn't leave, that she wouldn't lose you right now that she had you so close. She nearly fainted when you looked up from the ground and smiled at her so sweetly and lovingly, caressing her cheeks with your thumbs.

"I won't sell" you said, watching the change in the older woman's expression "I won't leave...if you give me a reason to stay."

She got the message this time: so long looking for excuses and promises to make you stay with her and all you really wanted was herself. She was the only promise you needed. It was much more than her brain could take in, so she decided to turn it off and act on sheer instinct. Hopefully, this time it wouldn't end so disastrously.

You were surprised when the woman wrapped her arms around your waist and suddenly pressed you against the wall, but the gasp that left your lips was caught by hers as she kissed you deeply. Your mind went blank as you wrapped your arms around her neck and pulled her closer. You needed her close to you, you needed to feel her hands on you, her lips on yours. And she needed to know that this was serious, that it wasn't another one of her dreams, that you wouldn't escape this time.

Carefully but insistently, she parted her lips and pressed her tongue against your lower lip, asking permission to enter. You gave it to her gladly and saw stars behind your eyelids the moment her tongue met yours. There were many sensations in you, many mixed feelings. But in the middle of all the chaos in your head, there was her. She was the only thing important to you.

Julieta separated from you when her lungs began to burn from lack of air, but unlike last time, she didn't give you time to react, too scared that you would run away again. So she gave you something else to focus on, something to take the thought of leaving her out of your mind.

Your heart raced and you gasped softly as the brunette leaned closer to you and you felt her lips on your neck, planting soft kisses on your warm skin. You tilted your head back to give her more room and tangled your fingers in her peppery hair. Strangely, there was nothing sexual about this, just a mutual need to be in each other's arms, to feel close and owned and loved.

"Juli-" you gasped as she lifted her head to look at you.

"Will that be reason enough for you to stay with me?" she asked

"Maybe I need one last little push" you said, pulling her in for another quick kiss.

You felt her smile against you and your heart wanted to burst with happiness. You had hurt her so much, but you had an opportunity to repair everything, to make her happy as she deserved. At that time, there was no room for doubt in you. What would happen from that moment, what her family might think, what the rest of the town might say. Nothing mattered to you, just being with her.

"You know you could be my daughter, right?" she asked, pressing her forehead against yours.

"I am a grown woman, Julieta" you reminded her "Am I just a number to you?"

"No" she replied immediately

“So what do a few more years matter?”

Julieta looked into your eyes, looking for some trace of mockery, but only found a love as sincere as hers. She smiled at you and gave you one more kiss before the door opened and a clock was pushed by the tiles. It was time to go cook. For a moment, she was tempted to let Pepa take care of breakfast, but she couldn't risk another fire.

"I guess that's your signal" you joked lightly

"Yep. I better go downstairs. And you better lie down and get some sleep” she told you, gently tapping your nose with the tip of her finger.

"Yes, mom" you rolled your eyes.

The brunette laughed lightly before pressing another chaste kiss to your lips. She was already getting addicted to this and she had only kissed you for a few minutes.

"Will we talk about this later?" you asked when she pulled away, biting your lower lip

"I promise" she answered.

You smiled at her and nodded, untangling your arms from her neck. Julieta separated from you for a few seconds before pulling you back towards her, making you crash against her soft chest.

"Another one and that's it" she told you, kissing you again

"I'll give you as many kisses as you want, later" you laughed, pushing her gently "now go before the demon that lives in your house decides to kick me out for being a distraction...no offense Casita"

You almost swore the movement of the tiles was some kind of shrug. The brunette laughed and this time she let you go for real, taking her hair tie and tying her hair into her usual messy bun.

"I'll see you later" she told you "seriously try to get some sleep"

"I will" you promised, walking to the bed to sleep with Eliza.

Julieta smiled at you and gently closed the door behind her. She walked down the stairs with a huge smile on her face and a light heart. She hadn't expected much of this day, thinking it would be dreary and heavy as the previous ones had been, but now she felt she could do anything. She was definitely looking forward to seeing what the rest of the day would bring her with such a wonderful start.

Meanwhile you closed your eyes and snuggled closer to your daughter, drawing her to your chest. You felt light, happy and radiant. Alma was right, this was infinitely better than what you had and you were so proud of yourself for taking the first step. You guessed you had to thank Eliza for insisting on going with Julieta.

"Thank you, little angel" you whispered, kissing her on the head.

You knew that this was only the beginning, that you and Julieta had many things to talk about. It wouldn't be easy: you were both women, there was a significant age difference between you and the town had been trying to use you to get into the family (you didn't want to imagine what they would do when they realized that both conduits had been closed precisely on each other). But you pushed all that to the back of your mind. The important thing was that you had taken the first step towards a better story.

Hopefully, one that would end in "they lived happily ever after."

___________________________

But when has fate (or this writer) let everything end in roses?

___________________________

Julieta tag: @emril-osvigne @smolgayhooman @arination99 @kitthedino @cryptocry @iloveitwhen

[c-rose2081]

Hi, your Starchild AU is really interesting. I do have a couple of questions if you don't mind. First, how does the zombie integration pan out without Addison and Zed's love to pave the way (for the first movie)? How do the wolves come to Seabrook/find their moonstone before the alien invasion? Or does that stuff come up after A-ddison crashes? What's going on with characters like Bree, Bonzo, and Addison's parents? Sorry if this is a lot, there's just a lot of stuff going through my head.

Not at all! Great questions :)

1.) Zombie integration was really, really rough in Starchild. Without Addison present to be the bridge between humans and zombies, the responsibility fell on Zed to make win after win for the Seabrook football team. Unfortunately, fussing with his z-band so much without any sort of breaks caused him to be semi-permanently monstered out, something Eliza calls ‘zombification syndrome’. For Zed, this means mood swings and anger issues, coldness towards others, and huge monster burnout. Things got a bit better as more zombies were allowed to join the football team, taking the load off, but the damage was already done.

2.) The werewolves got so desperate to find the Moonstone that it was nearly an all out monster war. There were casualties, humans included, and once again the responsibility of peace fell on Zed to come to a truce. The ‘friendships’ aren’t quite there yet between the wolves and everyone else — more like a tense partnership. Eventually they did find the Moonstone as the old Power Plant was brought down, and the land was given to the Werewolves to live and recharge as to avoid any more conflict or casualties, and to quash any possibility of another war.

3.) All the characters are still present, just…a bit different.

- Bree didn’t join the cheer team after she was rejected. She’s a shy wallflower who ended up joining Band instead. She plays the flute (lowkey badly). She and Bonzo still get together.

- Bonzo is still the same, but talks a lot less and is way more protective over his friends. He is the muscle to stop Zed when he gets angry and monsters out.

- Eliza is still basically the same? But she’s guilty that she didn’t do more to actually help Zed and save him from himself. She doesn’t badger him quite so much about justice, as she realized quickly that justice isn’t as simple as just rising up and taking it by force. Every action had a consequence.

- Bucky is still Bucky; head of the cheer team, over dramatic but with high aspirations. But his self-importance was smushed the minute Zed brought Seabrook’s football team into the spotlight. His narcissism in film turned much more…brutal, and turned into savagery, rather then mere petty bullying and control. His favorite pastime is getting Zed to monster out, as to prove his point that Zombies are still dangerous and should be put back behind the barrier.

- Missy is now a divorced woman, something uncommon but not unheard of in Seabrook. She couldn’t get over the loss of her only child, and the grief was simply to much. Dale left to start a new, perfect family with someone else. Missy is still the Mayor of Seabrook, but definitely isn’t quite as involved. She also no longer wears her wig. Most just assume her white hair was due to the stress of the divorce.