#And you certainly seem to be a subversion of that

[clowningachievement]

★

I like you // I love you // You’re one of my best friends // You’re like family // You are family // I dislike you // I hate you // I’d kill you if I got the chance // I want you to like me // I’m scared of you // I would adopt you // I’d date you // I’d sleep with you // I’d marry you // I’m worried about you // You confuse me // You’re annoying // I pity you // I respect you // I trust you // I feel protective of you // I’d invite you with me to parties // I’d lend you my money // I’d borrow your money // You’re (surprisingly) good-looking // I’m suspicious of you // I’m hiding something from you // You’re fun // You’re boring // I’m upset with you // You’re nice // You’re mean // I’m envious of you // You’re smart // You’re stupid // I look up to you // I think you’re a better person than me // I think I’m a better person than you // I want to apologize to you // I wish I’d never met you // I never want to forget you // I want to get to know you better

[sheila--e]

the way Sheila's described as both being covered in scars and also being a very self destructive person with little care for herself and a desire to die for a good cause (or a very long way of saying she's got suicidal tendencies yet masks it as a form of courage) makes me think she self harms. it wouldn't be out of this world tbh. coping mechanism adopted from her self hatred and a need of punishing herself for being a horrible person. she doesn't know where to put all of those chaotic feelings, and the only way she can redirect it is to herself. not out of character frankly.

[withthewindinherfootsteps]

I sometimes see the opinion that MXTX took the clichéd tropes she'd critiqued in Scum Villain, and played them straight in MDZS. But though a lot of them appear in MDZS, I'd argue that none are actually played straight at all!

The main point of MDZS's tropes is subversion. Yes, WWX has a 'tragic backstory', even an arguably overused one (orphaned by his parents at a young age, forced to live on the streets with nobody to rely on, etc) – but how things differ in how it's used. Tragic backstories are normally used to build sympathy for a character, to make us care and get invested in them. But... we're never actually shown any of those street days, we're never shown and never dwell upon how much he suffered during them. They're only really mentioned in passing and whenever dogs come up! If the goal was to make us feel bad for WWX, this would be very ineffective writing. But what's actually important here isn't that WWX went through tragedies – it's how he doesn't let the tragedies he went through define him. He doesn't dwell on them, the narrative doesn't dwell on them, it's never used to earn sympathy points... because what defines WWX is his choices and how he chooses to act, not a backstory completely out of his control. What gets us invested in him is his personality and the character writing of MXTX, not tragic events used as a substitute for identity.

And this trope treatment fits extremely well with WWX's personality itself – he's someone who 'forgets the pain as soon as the wound has healed'*, but also who actively chooses to focus on the present because you can't change the past; someone who holds the belief that 'gains and losses [should] remain uncommented on' when choosing what to do.

The use of the tragic backstory isn't the only thing that's subverted, either – the other main thing is the 'blackening' of the protagonist, and its impact on the protagonist's fall. After being thrown into the Burial Mounds, on a surface level it does seem like this blackening has occurred: the first thing we see when he returns is his gruesome torture of the Wen cultivators; he's 'forsaken' traditional cultivation in favour of an 'evil but more powerful' path; and frankly, Sunshot-era WWX is terrifying. But MDZS is not a blackening story, and so the events of the Burial Mounds aren't used as a catalyst for that purpose. Though it's true that WWX's not entirely the same person he was before (because how could be be?), underneath it all, his morals, worldview and core** stay the same. Though gruesome, his revenge is directed towards the ones who wronged him, not those past that and certainly not the entire world. His experience in the Burial Mounds doesn't lead to him being some evil, blackened overlord... like everyone says he is at the start! That's subverted, because again, WWX's values and choices are more important to the story than genre conventions.

But the most crucial thing? What leads to WWX's downfall isn't any blackening! It isn't any vengeance or morally dubious actions***– he was praised for those things during the Sunshot Campaign! No, what leads to his downfall is something completely unrelated to that, something which would've disappeared had the trope been played straight. It's him doing what's right by defending the Wens, it's him following his moral code when it opposes the world's, it's him standing up to the injustice of others – not others standing up to the injustice of him. That's the subversion here.

(Also, once again, the fall of Lotus Pier, the Burial Mound, etc, aren't used for sympathy points – and if it was relevant, they wouldn't have been used to excuse any actions, either. Using tragic events as an excuse for doing bad things is critiqued many times in MDZS, through characters like Xue Yang and Jin Guangyao. And that's not exactly a trope subversion, but it is a critique of badly handled 'excuses'.)

These are by no means all the tropes MDZS subverts – the nature of guidao vs the usual nature of modao being another very major one – but they're the main ones that feature in Scum Villain.

So, though at first glance MDZS seems to play the tropes MXTX critiqued there straighter, it's not a simple case of using them as cliches, and we see that by how they're used to impact the narrative, and how that differs from what they're traditionally used for. MDZS doesn't fall back into clichés Scum Villain satirised – it's the subversion to Scum Villain's exploration and critique.

--

*Which I know is generally used negatively, to describe someone not learning a lesson from a punishment, but it really describes WWX in general, too. He doesn't dwell on that pain, he does his best to move on from it.

**...heh

***And, because it's often debated – whatever the morality/culpability of Nightless City is doesn't even matter! The events happened at a pledge conference against him that was already taking place. WWX's actions there didn't make people want to kill him because that was explicitly happening beforehand.

[ohnoitstbskyen]

Since I asked you about Sephiroth, I also wanted to ask about what you think of Aerith’s character and her characterization throughout the franchise.

Hhh oh god. Yeah.

So, again, Aerith begins in Final Fantasy VII as a seemingly intentional semi-subversion of the Princess Holy Maiden White Mage JRPG trope.

Mechanically she is absolutely a classic white mage, but she's also a street kid with way more life experience than Cloud, who both connects instantly with him due to his similarities with Zack, her dead ex (because, of course, Cloud is directly copying Zack's entire personality), but she also notably pushes back against him, and repeatedly refuses to let him treat her like a damsel in distress, and takes direct agency over where the story is going and what's going to happen.

As she becomes more and more conscious of her Magic Special Lineage, she changes, of course, and... arguably falls a bit more into a straight rendition of the Holy Maiden trope. Albeit I have always quite loved the reveal that Aerith isn't killed by Sephiroth just as a big tragic fridging to advance the story through Cloud's pain, but as an intentional gambit on her part to ultimately defeat the villain. The translation of the game is famously a bit wonky, but my reading of the story is that she

realizes that Sephiroth is manipulating Cloud as his primary agent in the world and that she needs to get away from him

realizes that in order to cast Holy and defeat Meteor she needs to enter the Lifestream, so

she manipulates Jenova/Sephiroth into killing her in the one place on the Planet that has the strongest connection with the Ancients so she can take advantage of their knowledge to figure out how to make Holy work.

It also kinda seems to me like she realizes that Cloud is the best chance the planet has of a champion who can defeat Sephiroth and unblock the Lifestream for the Holy spell, and maybe she sacrifices herself in part in the hopes of breaking Cloud out of Sephiroth's influence. which, yeah, that is definitely some fridging-trope nonsense.

The original game absolutely isn't perfect on how it handles it, but Aerith is (especially for the late 90s) a remarkably active player in the story, with a lot of agency entirely separate from the male protagonist, who comes into a role that requires her to separate herself from the main party and go off to set her own plans into motion.

I am overall less fond of how she got portrayed in media after the original FF7, where she really did seem to get boxed into an entirely unironic Holy Maiden trope - especially by Advent Children which casts her as a literal lover/mother to Cloud, whose especially pure and holy influence heals the blight of Geostigma once her darling Cloud overcomes his personal conflict. And certainly, a lot of portrayals of Aerith I've seen tend to focus way more on her mystical, divine Cetra Chosen One-ness than on her actual upbringing as a scrappy sassy street kid.

The Remake games... have generally walked the line okay, I think? Aerith with the steel chair might genuinely be my favourite gif from any videogame ever,

(she's just so happy to be beating the shit out of this man)

although I do feel like her portrayal in those games make her a bit too much of a Love Interest To The Protagonist character. I feel the balance in the original focused a lot more on her coming into an understanding of her role in the story separate from her attachment to Cloud, but I also have massive nostalgia glasses on my face about Final Fantasy VII, so I recognize that I am biased here.

I'm curious how the Remake trilogy, which is a wild metacommentary on the legacy of its own original, will ultimately handle her, and I really do hope it doesn't confuse the idea of a "good ending" for Aerith with the idea of being romantically paired up to a male character, or with the idea of literal or metaphorical motherhood or some other bioessentialist nonsense.

[davidtennantgenderenvy]

My Two Cents On The “ Is David Tennant Queer” Drama

As some of you know, I spent a solid third of the past year working on a movie-length video essay about David Tennant. This video essay features an eight minute section titled “Gender, Vulnerability, and Why David Tennant Is A Queer Icon”, which does not speculate on David’s own sexuality, but discusses the queer coding and subversion of gender norms in plenty of his roles and his importance as an ally to the LGBT community. At the same time, I was also coming to terms with my own identity as nonbinary and bisexual, and it ended up playing a crucial role in me finally working up the courage to come out to my parents. Characters like Crowley and the Doctor, both in terms of how they present themselves and how and who they love, have been absolutely instrumental in me developing my queer identity, and my comments section was full of people who had had similar experiences, who’d realized they were trans, nonbinary, gay, etc thanks to David and his characters. And as a result, I won’t deny that if David himself were to be queer, it would mean a lot to me.

Do I think David is queer? It’s certainly possible. I see a lot of how I express my queerness in how david chooses to express himself, most prominently through his frequent queer coding of characters who don’t necessarily have to be played as such. This can especially be seen through his Shakespeare characters, such as Richard, Hamlet, and some would argue Benedick as well. When I was 15 I played Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet, who I chose to play as a closeted young gay man harboring an unrequited crush on Romeo. I think I saw this role subconsciously as an outlet for my own repressed queerness, both of gender and sexuality, as I had experienced an unrequited crush on my female best friend the previous year which I was still in denial about. I’ve described my gender identity as “a girl with a chaotic tortured gay man inside of her that needs to be let out every once in a while”, which has never been more true than with Mercutio- a character who I might add, I took a great deal of inspiration from David when playing! In terms of using roles as an outlet for one’s queerness, I could absolutelt see this being true with David, especially when it comes to Crowley, who seems to have had an impact on David’s style, behavior, etc in a rather similar way to how he’s impacted me. I don’t want to act like David wearing pink docs means he must be gay, I think people should be allowed to wear whatever they want regardless of sexuality, but taken in conjunction with so many other things about him, it does make one wonder, and the fact that a seemingly straight man has been so many people’s queer awakening is a bit puzzling to say the least. I won’t pretend that these “signs” (if you interpret them that way), haven’t been increasing somewhat in the past year, and if I got to share my own coming out journey with the man who inspired it, I would be absolutely thrilled. I also can’t specifically think of an instance where David has SAID he is straight, as opposed to Taylor swift, who has.

With all of that said, where I personally draw the line is when mere speculation crosses into interfering with the subject’s personal relationships and the sense that one is OWED something. I believe that what matters to David more than anything is being a husband and a father. I believe he adores Georgia and his children and would not do anything in the world that he believes would jeopardize his family. As happy as I would be for David if he were to come out (probably as bi) I realize that that would put so much unwanted attention on his marriage and family and I think that’s the last thing he wants. I don’t think it’s IMPOSSIBLE that he and Michael Sheen are having a passionate love affair behind everyone’s backs, but I absolutely don’t consider it my place to insist that they are, because as much as I may feel like I do, I don’t know these people! And besides, if David were cheating on Georgia, he really would not be the person I thought he was.

So many queer people see themselves in David and his characters, and that is beautiful. And I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with having theories that David might be queer himself. However, it must be acknowledged that these theories are THEORIES, and they should not be used to invalidate people’s real life relationships- after all, it’s totally possible to be bi/pan and also be in a loving and healthy heterosexual relationship like David and Georgia at least seem to be in! If David were in fact “one of us”, I would welcome him with the openest of open arms, but unless and until he himself decides to proclaim himself that way, I will not expect anything of him other than to be the incredible artist and person we know and love.

[pessimisticpigeonsworld]

I hate those Daenerys is going to sacrifice herself/die theories so much it genuinely makes me tweak and I have never been the type of person to get upset at all over fiction or any type of media, but this irks me so bad because not only is Daenerys my absolute favorite character of all time, it’s upsetting how the female character is always the one who has to die for others sakes and never achieve anything for herself. Yes, it’s her destiny as AA to fight the Others, but that doesn’t mean that she has to die doing it. Like, seriously, after we got F&B and saw how many Targaryen women struggled with misogyny and being passed over for the throne, it feels upsetting to me if the one who is supposed to break the wheel will never have a chance to do so. I do love Bran but I do not see him fit to sit on the throne, not to mention how young he is and will be at the series end unless George does a massive timeskip, and after the whole world is in shambles after the Long Night, who is more fitting to sit on the throne and help mend things and lead the people forward? A well experienced ruler and fighter who will bring along a new age of change, or a child with no such experience? Perhaps it’s just me being salty but I just really want the best for my favorite character who I believe deserves to have her shot at having a home and being able to rule and change the world together with the other characters. Especially after the end of GoT, which no I don’t ever believe that George will go that route, but with how everything happened in the show, it looked like Westeros was a completely and utter mess and there was nobody capable left to pick up the pieces, Bran’s ascension to the throne was so random too and didn’t even feel satisfying or like a good conclusion (not that those two incapable idiots could ever produce a satisfying ending, but yeah). What are your thoughts on this? I just feel sad that fellow Dany fans are literally enthusiastically waiting for her death in the upcoming books as if there isn’t a better destiny for her :( The female character who managed to rise to power and become a ruler in her own right dying or giving that up to the men in order to “settle down” leaves such a bad taste in my mouth and doesn’t look like the subversion George has done with her character at all.

I definitely agree with you anon, Dany dying/sacrificing herself really doesn't seem to fit with her story. Yes, Dany certainly would be willing to die to save the world, but that doesn't seem to be where GRRM is writing her.

Dany's story is saturated with life; which is pretty ironic since she's been called "Daughter of Death". She's closely tied to themes of fertility (mother of dragons, helloo), rebirth (Azor Ahai, entering the pyre), and survival/endurance.

Dany's story shares very little similarities to characters who have been set up for death. For example, Robb. Dany may share some superficial similarities to Robb, but the signs of Robb's impending death are not shared at all. GRRM always sets up the deaths of his major characters from their introductions. That hasn't happened with Dany; if anything we see a set up to her surviving.

You're so right about how people are foaming at the mouth for Dany's death. Her dying after everything she's been through and everything she stands for is just...no. It feels so gross and has some really concerning undertones.

The woman who actually fought for change and made a massive upheaval in the status quo, who genuinely cares for all her people, who understands the responsibility of ruling, who demonstrates incredible wisdom, who only wants to make the world better dying for the sake of the story is just wow.

[lurkingshan]

Dear Shan, I discovered your blog recently and it has been a delight to go through your very insightful takes on BL. I am learning a lot. I love Bad Buddy a lot and since I learned you love it too I thought maybe I could ask you about something that has been bothering me. Another BL blog (ineffable opinions) claims that the series does common queer people in Thailand dirty by making fun of their appropriation of the word wife. I have read posts by absolutebl explaining the term might be a pejorative-adjacent and that made sense then. But on a second thought, I am worried if my western upbringing is leading to some confirmation bias on my part.

Hi anon, thank you for reading! There's a lot to unpack in your question, some of which I am not qualified to address, but here's what I'll say:

I have the blog you are referencing blocked because their main purpose on this website seems to be posting confrontational screeds that make ad hominem attacks against other people for attention, hidden behind a veneer of intellectual language to make it sound academic (it's not)

That said, that doesn't mean every criticism they offer is totally without validity. I am not really qualified to unpack their claims here about how queer people in Thailand may feel about this term or Bad Buddy's intentional rejection of it (neither are they, as they are not a queer Thai person).

But I do know that Bad Buddy was in fact made by a queer Thai man, and one of its running themes was intentional subversion of common bl tropes, including rejecting the use of "wifey" and other heteronormative language. Through this show, Aof Noppharnach is speaking directly to his own community and commenting on the tropes of the genre that he does not find helpful to queer men.

That said, queer men in any country are not a monolith and I'm sure there are some who like to use that language, which is certainly their right. They are also free to make art expressing their own POV about these issues.

That's what I got on that! As a western person engaging with Asian media, it's good that we recognize the limits of our own context and don't try to speak for people we do not represent. I feel no need to plant a flag on this debate, but I do think it's an interesting thing to consider, and it's part of a conversation that happens globally around the reclamation of slurs and heteronormative terms for queer folks.

[lemonhemlock]

I actually agree with your opinions on dany but don't you think that her fall arc wouldn't work well nowadays ? I think when Martin was envisioning Dany's story in the 90's, it was meant to be something groundbreaking in the fantasy genre and it certainly would have, had all the books been written and published back to back. But I don't think the backlash to her ending in S8 was just because of the execution. Most people just fundamentally believe that Dany as endgame villain is misogynistic.

hmmmm i actually think that having white saviour dany turn megalomaniac dictator is a message we desperate need in these times because it helps deconstruct whiteness and offer a more profound take on feminism than most media we get served today

as you can see from my recent anons, there is a very deep-seated refusal or fear or laziness or idek what to call it from dany/targ stans to engage with intersectionality even at the most basic level! i've brought up this concept so many times that i sound like a broken record (and i don't purport to be any kind of scholar on the matter) but so, so many of them (even when they're well-intentioned!) just cannot seem to surpass this "if also victim how can not 100% right" mentality in regards to dany.

you must be familiar by now with the never ending chorus of bemoaning girlboss feminism and wanting complex & unpalatable women on screen but not being able to stand it in practice when female characters are not perfect. in the books, dany would have the most slow burn downfall arc and a ton of pages devoted to her innermost thoughts and character progression so that you could see exactly how a combination of idealism and entitlement can turn valiant crusaders with a lot of power into authoritarians who need to impose their world view at all costs. how dangerous it can be to believe that you're the repository of truth and justice!

let's also put it this way: think back to the season 3 finale and remember detergent white daenerys surrounded by a sea of faceless brown people in awe of her and calling her mhysa....

... and then you'd have the author tell you that this was supposed to be played straight and there is no subversion at all? those silly monolithic ethnics just needed an aryan princess coming from a long line of blood purity inbreeding to liberate them! how could that be an up-to-date feminism message in 2024? for that reason alone it's supremely out of touch. when has this ever even been a thing? 'white woman bravely frees slaves'. are white women historically known to have fought for human rights concerning other minoritized groups? it would be a pretty condescending message to put in your best-selling book if you ask me

[fisherrprince]

I wonder how much of Alphinaud's ARR attitude not only comes from the teenage "I know better" mindset, but also from him seemingly not having any actual friends growing up. He certainly seemed to *impress* people, but did he ever befriend anyone? No one talks about him having any kind of proper camaraderie back at the Studium...

im like, nearly certain you’re right. almost everything about his upbringing would lead to having no friends, and nothing that we know about vis a vis the twins as kids points to them having friends that aren’t adults? alisaie mentions shes happy hes hanging out with arenvald bc that Never happened before and ALSO she mentions not bringing anyone over to hang out. n despite alphy having people over they were all like... this 13 year old invites you a college student to his estate how are you. like look the twins are rich and go to private schools around their house. setup one. everyone mentioned to come over and hang out in the short stories or their memory is like, krile. urianger. grandpa's friends. theyre close with much older people. theyre INCREDIBLY smart as kids, and jump at least four grades. also, kids aren't often that fond of their-age kids who are way smarter, especially if they KNOW they're smarter than everyone. they absolutely thought they were better bc of it. they know better because they're smarter. 11 year olds in college are very cute, very impressive, but their brains literally haven't grown in yet so they cant be like, friends. they can be cool and rich and smart (whoa a 14 year old with a subversive understanding of politics!) but not friends. YKNOW? they were totally friendless kids who thought they were above most people if not just their age group. and they did not care at the time at ALL ghsdk

[corvidcrybaby]

This is probably gonna sound odd and sudden, but I love your Hellsing theories and character headcanons so I thought I’d take a shot.

Does anyone else hc that Alucard might be a little bit of a misandrist?

From his past, it would make sense, and his closest relationships are mostly women with the exceptions of Walter (and Anderson if you wanna add that mess into it).

Maybe it’s just a little bit of projection on my part, but it seems that to me Alucard gravitates towards women when it comes to any type of relationship before men.

This is an interesting take, and I do see how someone could arrive at this conclusion. Alucard has suffered much at the hands of men, between his childhood victimization at the hands of the Ottomans and his further-traumatizing defeat and enslavement by Van Helsing (something we know has left deep emotional wounds in his psyche, given the nightmare sequence we see him wake up crying from). One could easily make the argument that this has resulted in an aversion to men, and while I don't think it's a core facet of his character, it's all in how one wishes to read the script.

Me personally, I think this mostly plays on inversion of the usual tropes of vampirism, as Hellsing and Hirano both really love to do that. Take, for example, the scene where Integra forces Seras to drink her blood through a domineering and seductive approach to force Seras to embrace her base instincts, that she has thus far insisted on resisting. This type of scene is normally inverted. Most vampire fiction would have a female vampire pushing and seducing a human woman, and moreover, it is far more common to see this dynamic in the classic Male Vampire/Human Female that is so archetypical and classic a trope for vampire lit.

Subsequently, it is then very subversive and interesting that Alucard's Master whom he is so dedicated to, is Integra. A woman. It is implied that he has mixed feelings about Van Helsing, and his opinions on Arthur aren't explored much beyond showing that Arthur was something of a womanizing buffoon. It could stand to reason that Integra being a woman lowered Alucard's hackles, even if it were subconscious. I personally think this is moreso commentary on the dynamic and duality of human and vampire and part of Hirano being a geeky little dude who enjoys playing with tropes and turning them inside out, upside down, pulling them apart and putting them back together again.

But, as I say, the implications are certainly there!

[it-happened-one-fic]

Hi, there! :D

I saw the new event once a book and I thought it was interesting, If it's not too much trouble I would like to request:

Fandom: TWST (Silver x Fem reader) Story: Charming Fairytale the Book: A book that has been lovingly re-covered in now sun-faded fabric. <3

If my order does not convince you, you can discard it without problems, but if not, take your time and without pressure. Thank you. The new event made me excited, you are one of my favorite twst writers and I am happy to finally place an order here

Oh my goodness! I’m so touched that you like my writings and I’m thrilled to write a fic for you. In all honesty, the book selection actually serves as the character selection, but since I didn't clearly indicate that int he even, I've written two fics for you. One for Silver and one for the book you chose. The one for Silver is below (which was written and edited while I listened to “Entendez-Vous” by Cécile Corbel, but I’ll make sure to link the other one to you as well! I hope you enjoy your tale(s)!

600 Followers event!

Happily Ever After - Silver

Type: Female reader/ fluff/ romance implied/ charming fairytale/ isekai

Word count: 2465

I had to give it to the enchanted book I'd been sucked into; I had been given a very simple role. Find the lost prince and return him to his home so he could save the land from the rule of an evil witch.

It was a pretty basic fairytale plot, and I could only hope that finishing the story would result in me going back to Twisted Wonderland. If it didn’t, I really didn’t know what I could do other than place all of my hopes in Silver.

After all, he had been in the room with me when I’d opened the enchanted book that had, quite literally, pulled me into its story.

I scrambled up onto a rock, glancing around in search of some place that looked even vaguely like where I thought a lost prince might hide or be hidden.

To be honest, I fully suspected that he’d been locked away more so than he had been lost, since that seemed far more in line with what I’d expect from a fairytale about a supposedly lost prince.

But then, this particular fairytale had already surprised me in that there was a dude in distress with a lady savior rather than the usual damsel with a male hero. But then, I quite possibly wasn’t actually the hero of this story like I’d been thinking I was.

But no matter exactly what my role was, I was the one attempting to find the lost royal that the country was counting on to save the day.

I felt my eyebrows lift as I spied a shadowy castle that wasn’t terribly far from where I currently stood and did look almost exactly like what I’d expect from a place where a royal in distress would be kept.

I nodded slightly to myself before setting off, my pace fairly leisurely as I made my way towards the dark castle that looked like it had seen better days.

I almost smiled as I noticed the bats fluttering around the towers that stretched up towards the sky. A nice, almost gothic touch to the overall villainous aesthetic of the castle.

What made the place even better from my point of view was that the massive gate was open, and I had no difficulty getting in. In fact, I quite literally just walked into the place.

I did have to admit, though, that the fact that I’d gotten in so easily did beg the question of why this lost prince hadn’t simply escaped or come home on his own?

There was, of course, the possibility that I’d wholly misunderstood this situation and that I was dealing with a runaway prince rather than a hostage situation.

A runaway prince who was plot-ordained to save the country would make for an interesting tale, though it certainly wouldn’t be that of your typical fairytale.

More of a subversion than anything.

I frowned slightly as I walked around the seemingly abandoned castle that looked like it was steadily crumpling into nothing.

It was the sort of place Malleus would like, but that hardly helped my current dilemma.

Because if this prince was a runaway, he would probably be hiding from me. But if he were instead a hostage, like I’d initially suspected, then the first place I’d look would be in the dungeons or the tallest tower.

I glanced up at the towers, grimacing slightly at the thought of going into the mass of rocks that looked like they were about to collapse the very second a wind blew through.

I paused in my survey of the castle, though, feeling my eyebrows arch as I caught sight of a door that looked far heftier than any of the others. And it wasn’t just that either; that section of the castle also seemed far sturdier than the rest.

I rolled my shoulders and braced my hands on the dark wood before pushing, only for nothing to happen, causing me to frown at the weight of the door.

I inhaled deeply, though, and leaned fully into my shove as I dug in with my heels. I breathed through my motions as I slowly started walking forward, pushing the door open slowly but surely before I stumbled to a stop and looked up into the room beyond. 

It was mostly dim, with only a bit of sunlight filtering in through the damaged roof above and spotlighting a single area on the dais. But otherwise, it looked wholly uninhabited, and no one was obviously hiding in it either.

I hesitated, though, frowning as I listened closely to a distant sound that slowly became clearer until I could identify it. Footsteps.

I glanced around, my eyes searching for the person, until a figure became visible as it approached the dais.

I felt my eyes widen as he stepped into the light that made his pale hair shine in perfect opposition to the darkness that was all around.

And he looked like a perfect prince. A dark uniform with silver epaulets and a sword hanging at his side. It was almost like I was looking at a picture out of a storybook, and I blinked up at him, hardly believing my eyes as my words failed me.

At odds with my speechlessness, he spoke in an almost tired tone, “Y/n… I wondered where you were.” 

I blinked, almost like I was snapping out of a spell at the sound of his soft voice, and my voice returned to me, “You’re the lost prince??”

I openly gaped up at him, but I couldn’t help but be shocked that all of this time I’d been looking for him. Somehow, it seemed oddly fitting. I had gotten the strange sensation that I’d been searching for him my entire life before, but I’d always shaken it off and refused to ask him if he’d ever had that same sensation.

Despite my surprise, Silver was just like he always was. Utterly stoic and seemingly unbothered as he nodded at me. 

I could only assume he’d gotten used to his role in this book just I like had, but I still found myself walking towards him with surprise still rolling through me, “You got sucked into the book too?”

It was another rather obvious question, but if he was bothered, he certainly didn’t show it. Instead, he just nodded before calmly walking down the stairs and meeting me in the middle of the room.

“Have you been in this place the whole time?” I found myself scanning him for injuries or anything else of the sort, but he seemed wholly unharmed.

“Yes, this castle seems to be cursed to keep from leaving,” He explained calmly, turning and walking over to the still open door only to be stopped short of exiting by a wall that shimmered into place.

I had been right. He wasn’t a runaway prince at all. He was being held hostage, no doubt by the witch that was currently ruling the country.

I felt myself frown as he stepped backwards, causing the wall to disappear once more as he turned to look back at me.

On the bright side, I now knew why it had been so easy for me to get into this place. But on the down side, I had no idea how to get him off here if this castle was specifically enchanted to keep him in.

And to make matters worse, if I couldn’t get him out, then we were stuck just in here, but in this story, and since he was in here, no one back in Twisted Wonderland would know where we were.

But then, I also didn’t know if finishing this story would get us out. For all I knew, we might be trapped in an endless rotation of the same story over and over again.

I glanced over at Silver before walking over to join him by the open door, “Do you know if finishing the story will get us out of this book?”

I watched him closely and prayed he knew the answer, only to sigh as he shook his head, a slight frown of his own appearing on his face, “No. I’d heard of enchanted books from Father, but he never mentioned how one got out of such a book.”

I watched him silently for a moment before inhaling and turning my gaze back to the door, “Well, working with the idea that finishing the story will get us out. We have to get you out of this castle first.”

I paused, glancing back his way before I continued, “Do you know anything about the curse on this place that’s keeping you inside?”

Again, I was desperately hoping he did because, despite all of the information I had received the very moment I’d woken up in this tale, none of it had anything about cursed castles.

A smile briefly flickered across Silver’s face as he nodded, shifting slightly to better face me, “Yes, ‘Only through the help of another who truly cares can the lost prince escape his home of old.’”

He spoke like he was reciting something, though I didn’t know. Perhaps a prophecy his character came pre-downloaded with or something.

I felt myself frown as I echoed his words, “‘His home of old’?? Was this the old royal castle or something?”

Silver shook his head, the motion disturbing his hair so that it was laying more like it usually did rather than the way it had been carefully placed beforehand.

I let out a hum, abandoning my questions about this story’s plot in favor of focusing on the rest of what Silver had said.

Only through the help of another who truly cares.

It sounded suspiciously like an explanation for how to break a curse since most fairytales usually include some sort of way to save cursed individuals.

Though, admittedly, that usually involved a kiss. A thought that had me avoiding looking at Silver and instead staring out the open door.

After a brief moment, I glanced back over his way once more. At the very least, I did care about Silver. I had for quite some time now, even if I often did my best to avoid thinking about it in favor of not messing up the friendship we currently had.

But, since I cared, that meant that I should be able to get him out of this castle.

I smiled at him slightly and held out my hand, watching as he glanced down at my palm before he reached over and carefully took my hand in his and looked my way expectantly.

I held up our conjoined hands between us, “Trust me?”

A smile flickered across his face at my light teasing before he nodded, and I grinned, “Alright then….”

I trailed off as I lowered our hands and tightened my grip on his hand as I turned to face the door once more. I inhaled, bracing myself before taking a step forward with Silver at my side, following my motions perfectly and even matching my stride as he stepped forward with me.

And at first, there was a strange sensation of being engulfed. Almost like something was pressing in on us from all sides.

And then, as quickly as breathing, it was over, and we were outside. But we weren’t just outside the room. We were also outside the entire castle, and I found myself glancing behind us in surprise.

“I can’t believe it worked…” My words were barely muttered, but were wholly honest. I really had expected it to be harder to actually get him out of the castle.

I turned to look at Silver, only to feel myself go still as my gaze collided with his, and I saw the way he was smiling at me. With gentle fondness. Just like he had ever since I’d gotten to know him.

And though I’d already thought it, I couldn’t help but wonder at how he really was the perfect choice for a fairytale prince. Almost unfairly so.

“W- Well, I guess now all that’s left is to get you back home,” I managed a smile despite the way my voice wavered.

Something flickered in his gaze that bordered on amusement. Almost like he knew exactly what effect he had on me, but he didn’t say anything about it. Allowing me a small bit of dignity even as he squeezed my hand lightly, causing my eyes to widen as he spoke, “And to get both of us back to Twisted Wonderland.”

I blinked slightly before feeling a genuine smile stretch across my face and I nodded, “Yeah.”

I gazed at him for a brief moment longer, letting myself relax now that I wasn’t alone in this storybook and had him by my side. But then something shifted.

He noticed it at the same time I did, his gaze sharpening before he whirled. Putting me behind him as he reached over and grasped his sword.

I stepped closer to him, glancing around warily, “What's going on?”

He shook his head, his voice solemn and lacking all of the warmth it had just previously held when it had just been the two of us standing together, “I don’t know. Something’s wrong.”

His words were the only warning I was given before the world bled away into white, slowly absorbing everything else into it. The last thing I saw was Silver whirling to look back at me with a determined expression before even he disappeared from sight, and all of the whiteness that threatened to blind me turned black. 

I twitched slightly, and then my eyes flew open as I inhaled sharply.

The first thing I really registered was Sebek’s voice bellowing “HUMAN!!” as Lilia leaned over me with an amused smile.

I blinked up at the fae in alarm as he titled his head, his eyes glittering with amusement, “Looks like you both made it home just fine.”

I almost frowned in confusion as my brain fought to slowly catch up to reality before I realized that we were in the school library. I shifted before freezing as I realized something was wrapped around my waist that shifted with me.

I slowly twisted, my eyes widening as I made eye contact with Silver, who smiled at me slightly in an almost apologetic fashion as I realized what, or rather, who, I was sitting on.

“Do you know how this story ends, Malleus? It is a Briar Valley classic, after all,” Lilia’s tone was beyond amused as he spoke from behind me.

I heard Malleus hum in response as I sat, frozen in mortified embarrassment, in Silver’s lap. And somehow, Malleus’s response just made it all the worse, “Of course, how could I not? ‘And so they lived happily ever after.’”

[fiddlepickdouglas]

Where do you watch your Thai BL dramas and do you recommend any to start with?

WOW how did I miss seeing this????

Oh boy this is gonna take a while for me to properly answer because you managed to ask, in so few words, a question that has a long answer! (Which I am all too delighted to give, HEHE)

This ended up being such a long post omg, here's a read more.

So starting with where: There's quite a few places. Streaming services with a prescription, YouTube, and even a few free sites where fans will typically upload content (depending on availability and access, these update latest if a show can be found at all).

Streaming platforms (featuring Chinese, Taiwanese, Japanese, Korean, and Thai content):

iQiyi - Chinese owned, has a free option with ads and a subscription option. Also features bonus content on certain shows that subbed users can access if you're into that. Has a good balance of stuff that isn't LGBTQ+, lots of great Chinese wuxia - I'm honestly amazed they have as much queer shows as they do but I am not complaining because there's a lot of good ones there.

GagaOolala - Taiwanese owned, has a free option with ads and a subscription option. Stout LGBTQ+ collection. There's certainly other programming but it's thing is being more out and proud, so it's a win for me.

Viki - American owned, allows users to add/edit subtitles. I haven't used this one much, but I haven't needed to get a subscription so far with the shows I have sought to watch and haven't been bothered with ads either? Not sure how that works but I haven't needed to bother looking into it lol

Other sources I've used to watch other BLs are YouTube (there's so many, and they're for FREE), DramaCool, kisskh, and Bilbili.

In this next bit, I'll be summarizing different studios that produce Thai shows, including Thai BL specifically. I'll summarize the studio and then list recommendations for shows.

First up:

GMMTV - (most content on YouTube, some has been put on iQiyi and Gaga though) This is a popular one for Thai shows, and Thai BL especially. It's nicknamed the Disney of BL for a reason (pumps out a lot of new shows each year, huge roster of actors signed to them, very focused on branding and promotion, etc.). A lot of people's first Thai BLs are among their shows, since it was the company that produced the show that launched Thailand's BL industry onto the map. They can be hit or miss with the level of satisfaction, but overall there's plenty to choose from and much to recommend.

Shows I recommend from this company:

Bad Buddy

This is the first one I watched and it changed my fucking life. Pat and Pran are the perfect mix of next door neighbors who were raised to be rivals, but they can't help becoming friends, and eventually fall for each other. It does great subversion of a number of tropes and has a kissing scene that so memorable I bought a t-shirt that's worn in it. The acting is superb and it's both funny and devasting in a lot of good ways. There's a sapphic side couple who are incredibly cute as well!

Be My Favorite

Pisaeng and Kawi, two guys who can't seem to accept their feelings, each live out multiple time lines where they can't help but be drawn together when Kawi is given a time traveling device. This show ponders the affects of one's actions and how living your truth can make or break the happiness you seek in life. This show was unprecedented in how good it was, especially since the leads were an unusual pairing. I love them I love them I love them.

SOTUS

This is the one that kick-started everything back in 2016 for Thai BL. It follows a group of college freshman who are subject to ritual hazing by their seniors, and one student worms his way into the heart of the senior leader. This show set out to censor fags (cigarettes) and not fags (gays). There's so much cultural significance that it's difficult to describe. It sets the tone for a number of BLs to follow.

Not Me

Do you like gays? Do you like social activism? Do you like batshit plots that put you on your fuckin knees for the whole ride? Have we got a show for you. I don't know how to summarize this one without immediately feeling insane, I love this show with all my goddamn heart. Twins Black and White get separated because they have a connection where they can feel the same things when they're close, and it has proven dangerous. Black gets put in a coma and White takes on his identity and joins an anarchist gang to find who hurt his brother. Not everything is what he thinks, though. Also this show inspired my first tattoo because Yok is my favorite boy forever and ever amen.

The Warp Effect

Alright, it's not a BL, technically, but my GOD is it queer. Don't believe me? Here's a list that I made of not even all the reasons why this show is so queer. It addresses so much about sex ed, relationships, consent, kink, body shaming, and even features a non-binary character. A boy, who made a promise to his late mother to save his virginity until marriage, breaks the promise and wakes up in the future. He has to help old friends and acquaintances resolve things that happened on that fated night if he hopes to return to his youth.

3 Will Be Free

Also technically not a BL, but it is poly!! A sex worker, a club host, and the son of a mafia boss end up on the run together after being involved with the wrong people and being in the wrong place...and killing a guy. By the same director of The Warp Effect, so you're guaranteed a similar flavor of thorough queerness.

More shows by the company that I recommend: A Tale of 1000 Stars, Moonlight Chicken, Enchanté, Vice Versa, The Eclipse, My School President, Wandee Goodday, Only Friends, Midnight Musem, The Gifted (those last two aren't BLs but the vibes are there).

Next up!

Idol Factory - (YouTube channel for watching) Founded by actor Saint Suppapong with the purpose of creating a studio that harbors a safer and more positive experience for people in the industry. Well known for producing one of the first and most popular GLs or girls love shows.

Shows I recommend from this company:

GAP The Series

Sam has been Mon's idol since she was little and now she's secured a job working at her company! She's so excited! Until she realizes that Sam is...kind of heartless. Her unwillingness to let her boss walk all over her does more than win over a good professional relationship. It's got all the drama of class divide and arranged marriage along with it, so it's a fun ride and makes for an iconic entry for lesbian cinema.

The Sign

Phaya and Tharn aren't just reincarnated lovers, they weren't even human before! The story follows a curse that's followed them since they first met as naga and garuda, both powerful legendary creatures who have fought each other for ages. In the present, they train as police officers and end up working together in a case related to Tharn's tragic past.

The Loyal Pin

This one actually hasn't started airing yet (August 4th!!!!) but it's about a lady and a princess who grew up together. From the looks of things, it's gonna have drama and angst up the wazoo so I'm looking forward to it.

More shows by the company that I recommend: Secret Crush On You (I haven't personally seen this one but it's been on my list and highly recommended)

Next up!

Domundi - (uncensored versions on iQiyi, cut versions on YouTube) It's more of a "content creator" company, so it includes musicians as well as actors, so there's not many shows under their wing. But they are good with high heat (more explicit) BL stories. One currently airing, Battle of the Writers, includes Chinese wuxia elements which is incredibly interesting and kinda ballsy (there's suspected attempts to lower viewership for censorship reasons). I highly recommend watching it just for the sake of elevating it, there's a cut version on YouTube.

Shows I recommend from this company:

Bed Friend

Poor Uea is traumatized to hell and back; it's like the world is out to get him. He and his coworker King decide after a one night stand to be exclusive fuck buddies, and ngl it's HOT. We get catboy kinks in this one! Their connection deepens and they have to figure out what they both want from each other. Also all the shitheads get owned, it's really nice to watch. It inspired a Jennette McCurdy meme from me.

Middleman's Love

This is the story of Uea's best friend Jade, who sees how happy his friend is in his new relationship, and takes his turn being Emma Woodhouse. Well....it doesn't go to plan. He keeps pushing Mai toward someone else and doesn't realize that Mai likes him. This one starts incredibly goofy (I put that as a warning), and then gets steamy later on.

Battle of the Writers

This one just started airing! Ob-un is accused of plagiarizing fellow author Chan, and after things have been cleared they end up on a writing team together. The wuxia characters here are characters from their novel. It seems their relationship will parallel certain aspects of the story.

Next company!

Wabi Sabi - (YouTube channel for shows) They've recently lost a whole bunch of actors (several to GMMTV no less) due to terminating artist management, so I'm not sure what the future looks like, but they've released several shows that are considered BL staples.

Recommended:

Until We Meet Again

Dean and Pharm are reincarnated lovers who previously had a tragic end. This one is heavy on the emotions, the first 10 minutes took my fucking knees out. Has lot of themes of intergenerational trauma and how important having supportive parents can be. Pharm is so cute, I need to squish him!

Between Us

It starts around the same time as Until We Meet Again, but from the perspective of Team and Win. They have their own angst issues and family traumas that make them messy, and there's a lot more development of the side characters that were featured in the first series as well. I especially enjoy the sideplot for gamers Waan andTul, lol, I wish they could get their own series too! I do recommend watching UMWA first if you don't want to be confused about a few scenes in this one.

Final company, let's go!

Change 2421 - The company that made the omegaverse alpha-alpha car racing BL. That one. Need I say more?

Recommended:

Pit Babe

Mx. omegaverse alpha-alpha car racing BL themself. Babe is a star racecar driver with special abilities. He's charmed when he meets Charlie, but things begin to change for him faster than he can recognize. The home he ran away from tries to force him back as he attempts to reveal its worst secrets.

This Love Has No Long Beans

This is currently airing! Oab is your chef from Kitchen Nightmares that judges harshly with a tough exterior but genuinely has a good heart. Having lost his passion for cooking, he decides to set up a contest to find a successor to take over his restaurant. Plawan chooses to enter this contest despite having no skills and already having gotten on Oab's bad side. Things get heated when Plawan's determination to make it through the competition ignites the passion for cooking again.

There's plenty more companies, but these are the ones I am most familiar with. But there's still more!

Shows I recommend that aren't from the companies listed above:

Kinnporsche

The mafia BL that took over. I have so much brain rot about this one that it's hard to summarize without going crazy. Porsche and his brother have been struggling to keep their beloved family home, so he takes an offer he can't refuse - working as a mafia bodyguard. Kinn, the current mafia head, is undeniably attracted to him and it ends up making them inseparable in more ways than one. I especially enjoy the side couples, VegasPete and KimChay (there is ENDLESS insanity from all possible pairings tbh).

Love in the Air

It's kinda split into two stories, Payu (or Phayu, honestly the spelling gets switched a lot and even I don't stick to one thing) and Rain, and Prapai and Sky. PayuRain are the most couple ever, that's just the best way I can put it. The actors have incredible chemistry and set a fucking standard for making out. Sky and Prapai will make you cry. They handle some pretty intense material and do an incredible job with it. Also bisexuals with motorcycles and light mafia action.

I Told Sunset About You/I Promised You The Moon

Not only an iconic BL series that strives for telling an incredibly realistic story (no goofy sound effects or gags here), but the cinematography is absolutely gorgeous. Also the messiest bisexual awakening known to man. Oh my god. So much crying. Sooooo much angst. It's okay if you throw shit over this one, it's worth it, I promise. Tee and Oh go through pretty much everything that could make weaker couples hate the other person and that's what makes them top tier.

Ingredients

This whole series is a grocery store commercial? Ignore that, these roommates have the most adorable development. I binged this and was crying at 2am. Tops is an aspiring chef and Win is his himbo roommate who is trying to make it as a musician. As they each work toward their dreams, they become important aspects of each other's lives. Also, if you don't come out of this obsessed with Jeff Satur (or anything else he does), I will question your taste. Pun intended.

Old Fashion Cupcake

Japanese BL? Older queers? Office romance? Age gap? A confession scene that meets Jane Austen level standards of desperation? Togawa and Nozue are something else man. They make it a game to pretend to do what young women do as an "anti-aging" technique, but really it's Togawa's scheme to hopefully catch the eye of his boss. Incredible, no notes except maybe I'd like to have a Thai remake? Please?

And last but absolutely not least...

Semantic Error

A fantastic Korean BL. Rivals to lovers and 10000% ADHD4autism. Jang Jaeyoung is prevented from graduating by Chu Sangwoo and makes it his personal mission to get under his skin. And well....it works lol. They're both the most characters, I adore them and their chaotic stumbles into romance. Bonus Choi Yoona bisexual goddess side character, we love her.

Kiseki: Dear To Me

Taiwanese BL that's also split somewhat split between two stories. Zong Yi takes in a wounded Zhe Rui. The student realizes he's keeping a gangster in his dorm and tries to ignore his charms but ends up being drawn into his world. Meanwhile, Ai Di and Chen Yi, other members of the gang, deal with the consequences of Zhe Rui's disappearance.

Well. That was a whole lot. I hope this isn't too overwhelming for you! I've only been in the BL fandom for a couple years so this is barely scratching the surface as far as what's out there.

[jjs-brainrot]

So I've finally read How Do We Relationship? by Tamifull

(spoilers for up to chapter 121 ahead)

What exactly is a relationship? Is it some natural part of the human experience where you pick a life partner? is it a social contract between individuals to ensure exclusive romantic and sexual feelings between each other? Is sex a requirement for a relationship? Is romance even?

I don't know to be honest. What I do know is this: How Do We Relationship? by Tamifull hit me like a truck and then backed up over the corpse.

It might be one of the most nuanced, unflinching and uncompromising works about understanding relationships I've read. I think, in general, a lot of romance fiction feels overly wishful. While I can certainly appreciate a good gushy and feel good romance, it kinda gets tiresome seeing the same "will they, won't they (they will eventually)" and "love at first sight (it works out even though they literally have no chemistry)" stories regurgitated over and over again.

So much of it just feels too fake for me. Like I'm not watching two characters come to understand and fall for each other, I'm watching two halves of a couple who only exist to be a couple. Chemistry? Completely optional! Hardships? Temporary and will only make them love each other more afterwards. Break ups? Reserved exclusively as a failure state or for purely abusive relationships…

What sets How Do We Relationship? apart from its peers is its commitment to understanding its characters as people rather than archetypes. People who each have their own wants, fears, feelings towards sex and romance and most importantly: their own personal definition of what a relationship should be. People who when confronted with each other think they understand how everything should go, only to find out that the other person has a completely different understanding that doesn't fully jive with theirs.

The only yuri series I can think of that does something similar is Yuri is My Job! by Miman. Yuri is My Job! focuses heavily on the idea of fake relationships in Class S stories with it frequently asking "what actually makes something a relationship?"

A lot of Yuri is My Job! is primarily a critique on Class S stories first (possibly also a direct refutation of Maria Watches Over Us… I still need to watch MariMite so I can't say for certain) with a lot of its characters being subversions of classic Class S archetypes. So a lot of its dissections of relationships are done in the context of Class S stories.

That being said, seeing a series directly refuting the idea of a relationship being static and instead coming to the conclusion that the only ones that can decide what a relationship is are the people involved? That stuck with me. How Do We Relationship? is far a more focused dissection of what it means to be in a relationship, or at least, what means for its particularly cast of characters.

Take, for instances, our two main characters: Miwa and Saeko

Miwa and Saeko start out as friends, but after coming out to each other and finding out they're both lesbians, they decide on a whim to date. At first glance, they seem like the perfect couple! After all, they bounce off of each other's personalities really well, enjoy each other's company (both out and about and in the bedroom) and in general seem to care for each other quite deeply. They were made for each other, right? Well, no.

They're both individuals with vastly different personalities, experiences and feelings from each other. Over time they begin to see things in their relationship that bother them. Mostly little things here and there. Nothing they want to start a fight over or strain their relationship over at first but… Small wounds still fester. It eventually finally comes to a head a little bit after Miwa visits her old crush in a high school reunion. It's very clear to both Saeko and Miwa that she hasn't actually gotten over her past feelings for her high school crush. What's more clear to Saeko is that Miwa doesn't feel the same level of love for her and she does for Miwa. Eventually they just… break up and go back to being friends.

In most romance stories, a break up is regularly seen as either the ultimate failure state for a relationship, a temporary set back for a relationship to overcome or purely as an escape valve from an abusive or just kind of shit relationship. The reality is that there many different reasons for a relationship to end.

Could Miwa and Saeko have worked it out? With the path they were heading down, no. Neither of them were willing to fully open up about their problems as both feared hurting the other. Which just ended up with them hurting each other even more. If they had continued the course, their break up might have been far more painful and resulted in them not being able to be friends any more.

And they do get to go back to being friends even after being exes!

I think back to my aunt who divorced her husband several decades ago. They ended their relationship but decided to remain close in part for their daughter's benefit. Over the years they've remained close friends and have gone back to living with each other as well. There's no hard rule that becoming exes means you have to fully cut each other off if that's not what you both want. Certainly there might still be mixed feelings between you both (Miwa and Saeko's relationship as friends certainly takes some huge bumps after they break up), but you shouldn't follow along with what society expects from you both in a relationship versus what you both want from YOUR relationship.

And that right there is Tamifull's thesis statement with How Do We Relationship?: don't determine how your life and relationships should be based on what society expects them to be.

Tamifull doesn't hold back anything when it comes to depicting how society treats relationships in general but also how it treats gay people in specific. While the physical danger of homophobia is always a constant that makes many queer people not want to be open with their queerness, being constantly other-ed in most social situations (whether intentionally or not) can frequently be reason enough to want to stay in the closet. Insensitive questions (that are more often born from ignorance rather than malice), being always seen as an outlier, frequently having to lie about who you like and a million other microaggressions that just build up as extra hardship in a queer relationships. Relationships are already not easy to keep together, but adding additional outside stressors can strain them even harder. Enter Shiho.

Shiho was Miwa's aforementioned high school crush whom she reconnected with during a high school reunion. After Miwa and Saeko's break up, Miwa started keeping up contact with her more and more and eventually has the opportunity to meet with her again. Miwa goes to meet with Shiho in order to confess her past feelings for her. Miwa is fully expecting to get turned down but when she meets Shiho, Shiho seems far more receptive and warm towards Miwa than she was expecting. Whatever mental protections Miwa had against the idea of actually having her feelings reciprocated crumbled as it seems like Shiho might have feelings for her as well? Could she actually get together with her old crush?

Unfortunately, while Shiho does have feelings for Miwa, she doesn't feel strong enough to deal with all the baggage that comes with being in a lesbian relationship with Miwa. She very clearly put a lot of thought into the subject, and while she does care for Miwa, she just can't put herself in a relationship with Miwa. Shiho isn't in the wrong about her own feelings and she doesn't invalidate Miwa's. But it still ends up breaking Miwa far more than if Shiho had out right rejected her.

External factors can have a major effect on relationships but internal factors have arguably far more impact on relationships. Namely: sex and romance. Or more specifically: how everyone has different levels of interest in sex and romance.

Figuring out that I was ace and aro took way longer than it probably should have. "I have no interest in having sex with someone but I still get off to porn so clearly I can't be ace!" was legitimately a thought that stopped me from fully embracing being ace for several years. Eventually I figured out that sex-repulsion isn't a requirement of being ace and that the ace spectrum covers a pretty wide variety of experiences under it and that my own is just as valid as the others.

Over the years I've had to engrave a pretty simple idea into my soul: there is no universal experience when it comes to sex and love. Regardless of whether you're allo, ace or aro, you'll have very different feelings towards sexual and romantic interest than everyone else. Let's take, for example, Rika.

Rika is one of the supporting straight characters of the cast. She's also arguably the most sexually active member of the main cast with easily the highest body count of them all. And yet she does not want a relationship past friends-with-benefits. I'm not sure if she's necessarily aro or just not currently interested in a romantic relationship, but the point is that the main thing she wants from her relationships is sex. And that is completely fine! It sucks that when she explains this to dudes she just fucked who want to start dating her that she only wanted a sexual relationship with them and they respond by thinking she must have some family issues that make her so sexually active (she doesn't) or they respond derogatorily that she's just a slut. That's just part of who she is, there is nothing wrong with her. If she was a guy, it wouldn't even raise an eyebrow.

And then on the flip side, you have Tamaki.

Some time after Miwa recovered from her heartbreak over Shiho (and after being sex friends with Saeko again for a bit), Miwa starts dating a year younger kouhai by the name of Tamaki. Tamaki is asexual/alloromantic, she very much has romantic feelings for Miwa and even enjoys kissing and looking at Miwa's body, but she has a very low sex drive. Miwa, on the other hand, has a pretty high sex drive. Tamaki and Miwa together might be one of the best depictions of an allosexual and asexual relationship I've ever seen.

I've know a number of aspecs who've gone through a similar situation as Miwa and Tamaki. Some are certainly able to come to an understanding with their allo partners about each other sexuality, personal boundaries and fulfilling each other's needs in a way that's healthy for both parties. But a lot end up in similar situations as Miwa and Tamaki.

Where in one or both partners feel like they're hurting each other. Some aces feel guilt over not being able to provide for their partner's sexual needs, even if their allo partner assures that them feeling comfortable is far more important to them. Some allos might feel like they're raping their ace partners when they have sex, even if their ace partner expressly gives consent because they want satisfy their partner's needs, even if they themselves don't get anything out of the experience. If you get both together, you end up with a feedback loop of self hatred where the ace person sees their own lack sexual interest as actively harming the person they love and the allo person sees themselves as a monster for wanting to have sex with the person they love.

It's a toxic situation to be in, but it's also one that's hard to leave as both parties feel they themselves are in the wrong and their solutions to correct their error (the allo refraining from asking for sex and the ace more freely offering up sex) just lead to the situation escalating to the point of serious damage to one or both parties.

And unfortunately, that seems to have happened to Miwa. As of writing this, we're at chapter 121 so we're still early on the current arc, but it's looking like Miwa breaking up with Tamaki has done a number on her sex drive. I'm no expert on fluctuations in sexual interest due to trauma, so I won't dive too deeply into this (especially since we're still so early in the new arc). However, associating your sex drive as something that's actively harming your partner to the point that you leave them even though you still love them? Yeah, that's going to cause some damage.

I could ramble on and on about other aspects and topics that How Do We Relationship? does so well (Yuria/Saeko insecurities and dependencies, Saeko/Miwa's brief stint as friends-with-benefits, etc), but I've already said far, far more then I was originally already planning to say. So I think I might have save them for some future posts if I remember them.

So to finally end this now very long essay, I return to my original question: "what exactly is a relationship?"

I don't know, I ain't a cop. Whatever you and your partner(s) say it is, is what it is. But watch out though!

[basic-bamboo]

More mouthwashing thoughts

Some things I love about mouthwashing is the subversion of tropes

I got the vibe that both Curly and Jimmy came from the same disenfranchised (probably economically) background. Their relationship started long before their jobs together at the Pony Express. This is classic, two impoverished kids work hard to improve their lot in life and their bonds if friendship/brotherhood help them do it.

Except it doesn't. Curly works hard and gets to the top of the ladder at Pony Express. But Jimmy? We've seen what it looks like when Jimmy has any responsibility. Jimmy likely needed every good word from Curly that he could get to get where he ended up. It is even stated in the game that he would not have been able to make co-pilot if it were not for the good word from Curly.

Traditionally, this trope is used to show that, actually, everybody has the capacity for good no matter where they come from and they can work hard to achieve anything. In this game, we see something that we don't see often in this type of media- some people are going to act badly and hurt other people and you can't just turn the other check. If you do nothing about the people in your life that hurt others, that bully and abuse, you are failing them- not just the abuser, but the victims. By standing by them, by falling back on brotherhood and the bonds of friendship, you end up complicit in the abuse they cause.

👁️

The other one I want to talk about it Swansea. Swansea is a classic "grumpy old man that talks about how he hates or is annoyed by the young guy he's stuck with, but is hiding that he cares deeply about them and wants better for them than the life he had." I think most people saw this coming a mile away. There is a twist though and I don't know if everybody caught it (or if I'm just making it up tbh). In one of if not the final scene between Swansea and Jimmy, Swansea reveals his backstory, how he saw his future and imminent destruction from his alcoholism and got cleaned up. This is also something we see a lot in media.

But Swansea then says something different. He may have started a family and got a job and done everything he was supposed to do to be an upstanding member of society, but the best times he ever had was when he was drunk. He knew the drinking would kill him, but it seemed like the sobriety was killing him too, just more slowly. Even his description when he cracked into the first bottle of mouthwash, that sobriety was like an angry, red cyst popping, like sobriety was a horrible burden that he was carrying, that was hurting him every day, that he was happy to be rid of it.

I think it's honestly a refreshing character choice. Sober characters, specifically characters that used to have active substance use problems and are now abstaining, are relatively new in media. There used to be the drunkard and the opium addict (which morphed into whatever drug was en Vogue at the time), caricatures of temperance, and "normal" people- people who maybe drank or whatever but it wasn't a problem for them and they certainly didn't cause problems for others. Now we have characters that used to drink/use, but they're sober now or they're trying to get sober and it's often one of the most important things about them. And it's been very important to have those characters! Taking the first step in showing that alcohol and drug users are multifaceted human beings

Swansea takes it a step further. Swansea is real and raw. He got sober. He did what he was supposed to do. He got a job, he started a family- and it all sucks. The world is awful and it's better viewed through drunk goggles. Sober life isn't all it's cracked up to be. People use for a reason.

But he still cares about Daisuke. The world has been awful to him, but if he can do something for this kid on his first real job trying, to make the world a little softer and gentler for him, he will. He won't do it for himself (why would he? He doesn't deserve it (not my opinion, the opinion of someone deep in the throes of substance abuse)), but for Daisuke? He will.

[trustywukkiii]

Im such a SUCKER for the characterization of Dungeon Meshi. Ryoko Kui and her editor Hiroi Masaru are incredibly great at subverting character tropes and archetypes with a perfect balance of strengths and weakness.

LAIOS to a bystanding viewer could easily seem like a himbo. He’s strong, a little bigger than average with his BMI at 26, and capable at fighting, but his lack of social skills is a BIG weakness. The thing is, that doesn’t make him unintelligent. Whereas himbos are just handsome goofs, his autistic coding is written so maturely. Although he can’t pick up on social cues, what makes up for it is his knowledge on monsters. His book-smarts sets him apart from the himbo spectrum. Regarding his past as revealed by the Winged Lion, Laios is a fairly flawed man who has complex desires. He just happens to be incredibly appealing. I love Laios.

FALIN, admittedly can be seen as a beacon-of-hope-damsel-in-distress that centers the entire plot and conflict. But what deepens her character is the additional conflict and consequence of resurrecting her, turning her into a Chimera. Her time as a Chimera can place her as morally gray, since she’s not actively thinking on her own accord during the confrontation with Laios’, Toshiro’s and Kabru’s parties. (Should also mention that scene where she doesn’t care where she teleports the crew as long as they were safe, even if it meant at the cost of hurting others.) She may be a beacon of hope, but only to the main cast. During her childhood, she wasn’t praised and treated like a princess by everyone. Falin is a fairly beloved woman in need of saving AND stopping, for she is capable of many scary things.

MARCILLE, oh Marcille is my favorite subversion. So easily can she be seen as the clumsy fanservice nerdy lady who complains about every single thing. But no, she’s metal as all hell. First off, she may be clumsy as is established by Chilchuck, but thank god she’s not sexualized. No fanservice in SIGHT. The only attractive thing I see is her strength in magic. She’s incredibly smart but in a way that is not universally approved. Her ancient magic and selfish nature to resurrect Falin through whatever means makes her so mature and powerful. Plus, her complaints with eating monsters are pretty valid. They’re not out of childishness, and she eventually gets used to it anyway. She is so so so complex in nature. She’s a scary elf lady but also incredibly endearing towards the people she loves the most to the point she can’t EVER comprehend the idea of losing them. Marcille is the epitome of “whatever it takes.”

CHILCHUCK very carefully bypasses that “small but a million times older than you expected” trope in lots of shows/animes. Being a half-foot, he’s usually babied by Marcille and Senshi. Despite this, that man so blatantly acts his age as a father of three: he has a habit of drinking, cusses a lot, acts the most reasonable out of the party, and he’s overall just so.. questionable, considering that “other plans” joke he did about Toshiro towards his party. Despite all these flaws, Chilchuck is just trying to do his job. He’s quite knowledgeable and responsibly when it comes to his work and adventuring with party members. He just happens to be a divorcee father.

SENSHI surprised me the most. He’s set up to be such a knowledgeable father figure to the cast. He’s incredibly caring of the dungeon and the habitants, and he cares for the “young-ins” like a good father should. He could easily pass with that trope, it’s not a bad one, but they decided to dig him deeper with his traumatic past. I’ve read another’s blog that describes him as just another kid at heart who is happy to have friends and it wrecks me. He may act overprotective and help guide the others, but he certainly doesn’t knowing EVERYTHING. Senshi is a man with the sincere intentions of protecting his friends, he just has a misguided sense.

IZUTSUMI I’m sure has been covered already by someone on here but she incredibly stomps away from the catgirl stereotypes of acting cute and cuddly. She’s aggressive, mean and loud. Only time she acts kitty-like is subtly— she likes sleeping on top of Chilchuck. Besides, she doesn’t really want to be a beastman. It’s her whole arc. You would have expected so much fanservice from her if this was a completely different show. Thank god, that’s not the case. Izutsumi is just a kid who knows what she wants albeit not gently, but she’s still a caring individual who is in the journey of exploring her freedom.

And KABRU is a funny case. His first introduction has a beautiful way of setting him up as a perfect leader, y’know, just that average “I’m effortlessly strong and witted and will rid of all evil” trope. Reality is poor Kabru lacks experience. He may have perceptive abilities, but throughout the early parts of DunMeshi, his party is shown to be easily taken down by monsters. Regarding how he and Laios are meant to be each other’s foils, Kabru’s strong advantages come at the price of his lack of knowledge in monsters. He just HATES them. Social cues are his own special interest. Kabru has the valid motivations, he just unfortunately doesn’t have the power to execute them.

This is my own little love letter to Dungeon Meshi. I love the characters so much, and I wanted to give praise to its writing that I can easily tell came from love and care. If you’ve read this far, thank you for sticking around! I love rambling about this beautiful world. I’m sure I’ve missed a few facts here and there, so let me know what you all think!

[a-gnosis]

Hi dear. I've been following your comics for a while now. I also absolutely adore your Dionysus and it seems like you do as well! Do you have any book recommendations for someone who wants to learn more about Dionysus as a god associated with sex and subversion of sexual roles? I can't seem to find satisfying answers from just theoi.com alone.

Hi! Dionysos certainly is a fascinating character. I'm glad you like my version of the god. ^^

Unfortunately I haven't read any book that focuses entirely on this aspect of Dionysos. It is mentioned briefly in the chapter "Sexuality and the Gods" in Greek and Roman Sexualities: A Sourcebook by Jennifer Larson.

One article that Larson recommends for further reading is "Riding the Phallus for Dionysus: Iconology, Ritual, and Gender-Role De/Construction" by Eric Csapo.

It is also discussed a bit in the chapter "The Anthesteria and other Dionysiac Rites" in Polytheism and Society at Athens by Robert Parker.

In Ancient Greek Cults: A Guide, Jennifer Larson means that the analyses of how Dionysos subverted gender roles and other societal norms are largely based on the portraits of Dionysiac worship in Greek poetry and myth, above all the Bacchae of Euripides, but that a study of Dionysos' cults and the historically attested behaviors associated with them yields a different picture:

"In practice, the worship of Dionysos was not truly subversive; instead, it offered outlets for physical and emotional self-expression within socially acceptable contexts. Furthermore, Dionysiac cult was smoothly integrated into Greek civic systems of worship, with ecstatic and private components balanced by state-sponsored festivals and conventional sacrifices."

If anyone knows any good books or articles on this subject, feel free to add.