#And yes this post might unfortunately show up in the three fandoms I used as examples here simply because I wrote them out even though they

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Twitter Tagging System =/= Tumblr Tagging System

I know a lot of people are moving to Tumblr from Twitter after all the chaos, so I’m writing this in hopes people will be able to interact with others better if they understand the tagging system for Tumblr as it is when I’m writing this.

Your biggest reminder for tags: This is a blogging website.

General tagging system and how people use it:

On Twitter people have always written #theirtaghere to tag their posts within the post itself. Tags on Twitter exist for people to find your post - in other words, directly for engagement of the content posted.

On Tumblr, tags (not written directly in the post itself) are used for two things primarily: Getting your post out to a wider audience outside of just your followers, and for blog organization as well as to be able to find posts on your blog later.

Twitter has never had an archive system where you can search a tag to find all your tagged posts later. Tumblr has this. In other words, for example, if you’re in a fandom, you may find posts where two or more characters are interacting. The post may be tagged with all of the characters involved in the post, but you may not like whatever opinions or comments are on the post. However, it’s not necessarily tagged specifically so people who are fans of what was tagged will see your hot takes. Chances are, it’s so they can access it at any time via their blog, as tags are searchable on our own accounts here.

What you can do to avoid your not necessarily positive fandom commentary (or hot takes you don’t want people seeing) from going into searchable tags is to avoid tagging the fandom or characters involved in the post that you don’t feel highly about, only tagging the one(s) you aren’t being negative about (ex. I love this character but I hate this character, so I’ll avoid tagging the character I hate so it won’t show up in people’s search results where they’ll be looking for nice, positive content or they probably wouldn’t be in that search).

This is NOT the same as tagging on Twitter (or writing out full search keywords on Twitter which also picks things up and puts them in searches where people will be looking for positive content of what they like). Tags on Tumblr only go into searchable tags if the post is a new post and not a reblog. If you do hate that one fandom or character, you can write the name out in full in your tags if it’s a reblog! Reblog tags are literally just there for archiving purposes. They won’t show up in searches.

Another way of being able to tell if someone is just tagging a new, non-reblog post for archiving: are they using the fandom/character’s full title/name? For example, are they using only a fandom abbreviation (ex. some people might tag Attack on Titan as AoT, The Umbrella Academy as TUA, or A Song of Ice and Fire as ASoIaF)? They may be trying to avoid putting something into the main tag but want it available to be found on their blog (this is not always the case, but you should always keep in mind that it might be before engaging with their post).

Same with characters name: for example, since this blog is fandom specific, I don’t need to use full names because I know who everyone is within this blog’s fandom, so I only use first names. That’s an example of tagging for archiving purposes - only tagging it so it can be found later and not necessarily for it to be found in searches. Unfortunately some characters do have very unique names that you won’t find in other/a lot of other fandoms, so they’ll show up in tags using only first names, but generally if you’re actively looking for post engagement, you’re going to be typing out the character’s full name if they have one.

Also, people tend to use tags to continue their thoughts if they’re offhand thoughts less related to the topic in the post (such as going off on a semi-unrelated tangent but it’s on their mind). You may see lengthy conversational tags! It’s just something people here do to add to their thoughts and express them without mixing those thoughts with the main post when they may not totally fit in with it.

On that note, you may also see people reply in the tags instead of directly on the post. Often this is a way of adding one’s thoughts to the post but not necessarily wanting it to circulate on the post. Your tags will stay only on your blog, so the next reblogger that finds the post through you won’t reblog it having your thoughts all over it (unless they really loved your tags, in which case they may reblog it with your tags, which is generally a compliment here). If you want your thoughts to be potentially reblogged you can of course reply on the post itself - just remember that those thoughts may be seen by a lot of people depending on the post going around. Some people also use tags as a way to compliment artists and writers. When people reblog art and writing, they probably don’t want some random person’s comments on the art or writing they’re enjoying (and will have to go to the OP’s version of the post from their blog to get the original without the comments on it). They probably want to just reblog the OP’s work. Your tags can be seen by the OP in their notes activity, so leave all your kind, warm, fuzzy compliments in the tags so they can read them! Sometimes they may even send you an ask or a message in response if they have something to say!

One last thing to note for general tagging: USE SPACES IN YOUR TAGS HOLY HELL YEEHAW MOTHERTRUCKER TRUCKING ON THE HIGHWAY. Do NOT write “AttackonTitan” or “ASongofIceandFire” as a tag, because Tumblr users don’t use the search function that way! You’re not going to get engagement if that’s what you're looking for! When you’re writing in that little #tags bar under your post, just write out the full series name/character name with spaces.

Avoiding negative interaction:

So say you want to avoid people finding your content altogether because people can be jerks and will send you hate. You can make your own tags for things. Tags you can consider trying out are things like “[user’s name here]’s rambles” or “[fandom name/character name negativity]”.

Now, if people look up “x fandom/character negativity” despite loving the thing in question and engage with posts in there, that’s their own fault and they deserve to be upset for looking into the tag in the first place. Maybe don’t look into a tag you know you won’t like the content of.

On that same train of thought, if you see a post with commentary about something you like but it’s negative and you hate it, make sure you check how it’s tagged before flying into a rage on the person. If you looked at the Attack on Titan tag and you found hate for Armin or something, but how dare they, you love Armin!... don’t reply to it with your bullshit. Don’t send them hate. Don’t even interact with the post. Scroll past it and move on. Why? Because you found that post in the general fandom tag, not the Armin Arlert tag.

Now, if you do find hate for Armin in the Armin Arlert tag, let me tell you, that’s super shitty of the person to tag his full name with their hate. If you’re tagging something that you’re hating on, you know people are going to find that post when they look through the tag. People look through tags to find content they enjoy, not to see someone bitching about what they love. Don’t be the annoying asshole who tags your hate with a character’s full name. Yes, even if it’s for archiving purposes for your own blog. Just use another tag, such as just his first name (as people will usually be searching for full names when looking for content they enjoy due to some names being very common throughout fandoms/series). If you prefer to use a totally custom tag, that works too!

HOWEVER! Dearies, if you see hate in a tag and you love the subject of the tag, please just block the person and move on. Don’t waste your time and energy sending them anything about it just to let them know you’re angry/upset. If you think it might have been an accident/unintentional because the person is not aware of how the Tumblr tagging systems works, feel free to drop them an ask or message (if messages for non-mutuals is allowed by them on their blog which can be found in your  blog’s settings), but BE POLITE about it. Just kindly inform them in case they’re unaware. If they reply to you being a fuckwad jerk about it, block them and move along. Again though, just do your best not to engage with tagged negativity (or negativity at all if you can help it).

Tumblr is a blogging site for long form content (the complete opposite of Twitter) and nowadays also artwork, so people are going to want to tag their posts to find them later! Just be mindful of how you tag things, and be mindful of how you interact with posts that you may not agree with.

[hey-color-palettes]

To new followers--

Hey so like, over the past month or so, I've been hit by about 500 new followers, which is a very sudden, massive spike, and while I'm sure most of them are bots, I really can't be sure which are and which aren't.

To this end, if you see this and you have a mostly empty blog, PLEASE, I'm begging you, please make your blog not empty somehow so I can tell if you're a real person, otherwise you do run the very real risk of me blocking and reporting you for being a bot, because I really really don't want bots taking advantage of this blog.

Anywhere here's a short list of things you can do to make yourself not look like a bot:

Change your icon. It can literally be anything. Modify the default icon somehow, use a screenshot from whatever show you like, take a picture of your carpet and use that, use some art. Anything. (Although I'd advise against anything that might make you look like the other kind of bot blog.)

PLEASE change your title. I have now learned what "Untitled" looks like in many other languages. A change in title and maybe even description will go a very long way !!!!!

Change the color of your in dashboard blog from the basic white background. (In edit appearance.) Set a blog header image. (If you really don't have any images in mind, this blog is full of images. Pick anything.)

Turn on custom theme in the blog settings!! This didn't even used to be an option and was enabled by default and now it isn't.

Hide your likes and follows. Most bot blogs don't hide these. Unfortunately most newcomers don't hide them either.

Reblog or post a few things. It can literally be "im a lurker sorry please dont block me". A good thing to keep in mind is to try to reblog things that aren't related or are specifically fandom related. Bots don't do that, but I have seen bots that will reblog three (3) related posts or like three (3) related posts (from people they don't even follow) and that's that. If you do ONLY this, that's enough.

You don't have to do all of these. Literally even a few is enough. Just show some sign of life. PLEASE.

Since I've seen other people have success with this in the past, here's some free icons and headers you can use:

These are all my images and my editing so you needn't worry about credit or whatever.

There are a virtually infinite number of icon makers at Picrew and a ton at Meiker.io

Old Windows icon images.

People make free icons on here all the time.

And if you want to be a little silly with it, I spent an entire month of my life making this default icon dress up game. (Yes, really, an entire month.)

I'll give you all like a week or so, and I WILL be re-reblogging this intermittently as a reminder, because after that I WILL start to block and report anyone who hasn't sufficiently proven themselves not to be a bot. This may not be a personal blog, but it IS my baby and these bots exist specifically to exploit the blogs that they follow, so don't help them out be letting them hide amongst you.

Because I don't want this post to be an annoyance, I will post a new palette each time I do reblog it, and I will delete old instances after sufficient time has passed. Please bear with me.

[rotten-vivs]

1, 3, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 22, 24

choose violence ask game (life series edition)

oh my god, this is gonna be a bit long lmao, bear with me

1. the character everyone gets wrong

tango, i have rarely seen people get him just right. he's one of those characters that unfortunately gets molded into whatever the fandom needs him to be. dont blame them, i can admit i also struggled to have a good grasp of his character at first

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

i saw someone rant about how scott and cleo were just merciless bullies against pearl. which yeah, they were pretty mean to her, but the person didn't even attempt to understand scott and cleo's motivations. i know it doesn't seem much, but as someone who has a passion for that series's characters and their motivations it pissed me off that they were just ignored

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

the person from the question above lol. i rarely block accounts (unless they're bots), but the post i mentioned had very disgusting vibes

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

solidaritek shippers who talk shit about flower husbands. and the opposite too, but i've seen that one more. let jimmy be loved by two people for fuck's sake!!

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

"dogwarts were the good guys actually" NO THEY FUCKING WERENT. watch the crastle or jimmy and scott (especially those two), dogwarts tried to forcefully take over all groups at one point. im not saying they were evil, they had understandable motivations...but that doesn't make them "good". i think this opinion popularized as pushback from "desert duo are the good guys" opinion (which is also wrong lol)

9. worst part of canon

the limited life ending, im sorry. not because martyn "played dirty", if anything that made the ending way better than it would've been. but the lead up from all three final perspectives were a bit underwhelming

10. worst part of fanon

sometimes people give too much power to the watchers to the point they take away autonomy from the characters. they are WATCHERS. they watch, not play. yes they put the players in the situation, but the players themselves are the ones putting the show

13. worst blorboficiation

i dont know if worst, but lizzie. she tends to be very dumbed down and infantilized. as if she didn't kill as boogey multiple times by making people trust her. dont get me wrong, she is chronically confused, but she is not a sweet innocent angel too fragile for this world

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

i really dont know anything about hermitcraft so there might be a reason for it, but i see a lot of fics that make that server the "safe haven/place of healing in between life games". i dont really watch hc, so whenever i see it in fics and they reference stuff from that server i go ???. not complaining of course, i just try to pick up the context clues and use the general fandom knowledge i gathered through osmosis

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

y'know, i still don't know what those things that people put on pearl's head are. they look like bunny ears, or two feathers sticking out. something i also see a lot is all the winners in stained glass windows, sometimes in a "Hall of Winners". i dont know where it came from, but i eat it up every single time, i love it

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

not a fan of romantic smalletho. i tried, the idea of them is fun, but they're just besties in my brain

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

ender skizz!! his 3L red skin is so iconic. also more team best as superheroes. they called themselves the heroes of the server, dress them up as that

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

i dont see people referencing cleo's almost death by tree suffocation on the first episode of third life, even though they were so many perspectives of it. narratively, it was the first time that they saw death as a possible threat. outside of the story, it was so fucking funny. they were all chilling and suddenly, tree

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

i'll be honest, im not the biggest smut fan. i'm not against it, but i dont really get the appeal. i won't turn away an E rated fic if im interested on the concept of the overall fic, but i dont actively search them. i will say...treebark smut is always so well fucking written. the love, the devotion, the yearning, the desperation, the craving. treebark enjoyers can write a good sex scene, and you can quote me on that

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

bigb was jealous of ren and martyn in double life. he says it, out loud, multiple times. there's so many angles you can go with this and so much potential. there's the treebark angle of course, but there's also how bigb used that to avoid responsibility from having a secret soulmate behind ren's back. tbh ren and bigb's relationship overall is way too ignored for literally being the most interesting soulmate pair

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

a bit more overall mcyt than life series fandom, but any boundaries discourse, especially shipping for some reason. i have a lot of opinions, but overall i think we should stop fucking talking about "boundaries" so much. boundaries assumes a two-way interaction. and unless i am tagging the cc or putting stuff on their chats/comments or on knowingly frequented tags, what i am posting does not need their permission. does that mean "post everything, have no morals"? fuck no, but that is really the responsibility of each person. if i don't think something should be posted on the internet, i won't do it. if i see people posting that stuff, i will mute/block/report (if needed). you know what we shouldn't do? bring attention to uncomfortable shit to ccs when they are live (aiming this directly to the 2 donos in the last couple of weeks that have asked scar what his boundaries on shipping is, which he either truly doesn't understand or is purposely avoiding to reply). anyways, always causes rancid discourse and at worst full on witch hunts for shit that really doesn't matter

[crush3dmary]

20 questions writer meme

I stole this. Feel free to steal it too if you want.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

37

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

364,141

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Yugioh DM and Tales of! Mostly Symphonia and formerly Crestoria (rip).

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Darling Lagomorph (crestoria) at 155 Weltschmerz (symphonia) at 133 Philosophy of a Knife (ygodm) at 94 Fear's Ascent (crestoria) at 83 Have You Seen Me? (crestoria) at 78

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I really struggle with this to be honest, if I get a really long comment or someone saying the fic was really impactful I try to respond but honestly I usually just leave it and reply elsewhere if I know the author unless someone is actually asking something/wants more info about something. This is basically just because I'm busy but also in part due to my old dA fame (bleh) getting me in the bad habit of never replying to anything.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably In the arms of the heretic (ygodm) that fic really means a lot to me though and I think because of the premise it worked.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'd have to say Absurdities and Echoes (symphonia) poor Zelos deserves it after everything else I put him through in that series. Sorry about your ring finger.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten a couple rude comments but it's basically been curbed ever since I turned off guest comments on my works. You can say it with accountability or not at all. Most recently I got a moralizing comment from someone about Ryou being 16 in Philosophy because of the smut that kind of had implications I didn't like but that's about it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I used to write a lot of crestoria smut on my alt account (IYKYK) but I will sometimes include it as a framing device to develop character relationships. There's quite a bit of smut in Philosophy for example because loneliness and isolation are such big themes for Ryou and Bakura, but generally if I post something with smut to my main account it's because it's relevant to the story or develops the character relationships.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have a proper Symphonia/Crestoria crossover in the works that's a continuation of TOC game canon, but I've been at a standstill with my Tales works lately so it's pretty far off from being posted unfortunately. But I hope you guys give a chance once it's up, because the lore is SUPER cool.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

A certain someone who knows who they are has either plagiarized or bastardized lines from some of my popular crestoria works but other than that no.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet but it would be cool!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! Charles and I did a collab PITY // PIETY earlier this year and it absolutely slaps! Luisa and I are also working on an art/fic collab right now that I hoe to have posted by the end of the year but we'll see... sometimes life has other plans.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Zelloyd's gotta take the cake for this one sorry fam. When it's been your otp for 15 years nothing can ever top it. But for yugioh it's a tie between thief/tender/angst I like any combo of those three.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I try to finish everything I start, but I've got a couple Tales WIPs that I'm having trouble finding the spark for. It's not that I don't think they'll ever be finished, but it might be a while until they see the light of day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I really succeed when it comes to imagery and descriptive prose, plus getting inside characters' heads. I want to make people feel things with my work. I think the reason Philosophy and Darling Lagomorph are some of my best and most popular is because they're an opportunity for me to show off those strengths where I excel most.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

World building. I hate doing infodumps but I really struggle to include lore in ways that don't come off that way. This is a big reason I've never made the dive into original fiction (for now, I'm in the planning stages for my first novel. Stay tuned.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

The only time I've ever done it is when writing Yuna from Crestoria because she includes random french in canon too. I also did a french title for the latest chapter of Philosophy which was kind of fun. I think it's something you can swing if you're prepared to do your research but if not, avoid avoid avoid.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Tales of Symphonia. The things I put Zelos through, man. If you think I'm bad now you should have seen me at 14.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

If I had to choose just one probably Philosophy of a Knife, because like I said earlier, I get to combine all of my strengths into something I feel really proud of. I think I picked the perfect time in my "writing career", so to speak, to work on it because I feel like the writing style is very cohesive and it seems to have resonated with a lot of people so far, which makes me very happy. I hope you guys continue to enjoy my work going forward!

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

How do you think Grima would dress in a modern AU? I admit that I tend to imagine him dressing super-warm (man's always cold no matter the temperature), wearing lots of layers that hide his frame, lots of dark color palettes (blacks, greys, that sorta thing) with the occasional splash of color (like golds, maybe greens or purples every once in a blue moon), but I'm interested to hear how you think the snake man would dress in a modern setting! And how would it stack up next to Eomer's wardrobe?

Eomer: I have 500 colours, though many are variations of reds, greens, blues, and golds.

Grima: i wear black.

Eomer: I know. You're my tiny snaky summer goth.

--

We're talking Grima at the height of his power? Whatever form that might take in this world. I think he dresses well. One of my annoyances with the films is how he is dressed (the costume team is phenomenal and did a fantastic job, but I didn't like PJ's vision).

He comes from nothing, is self-made to a certain degree, and aside from his skills/education/etc., he relies on people's good opinion of him and trust in him to succeed in life. Therefore, he's going to dress to impress, so to speak.

Visual representation of status and power are important, especially in the societies Rohan is modelled on and I don't see why Rohan would be any different. Therefore, Grima as chief advisor to the king, and whatever other sundry roles in the household/court he may have held, would dress accordingly. He represents the crown! he needs to look the part.

His face might be unfortunate, but his clothing would be immaculate. He also would dress with psychology in mind: how can I use my appearance to dominate the room/impose my will/manipulate people/get what I want etc.

Anyway, in modern day the same logic still applies. So he'd be wearing designer stuff if he can manage it. Regardless, everything would be well tailored and good quality. Certainly on the warm side, as I also subscribe to the fandom headcanon that he's cold all the time.

I also absolutely agree that his palate would remain dark - lots of blacks and greys and blues-so-dark-could-be-black. I can see him adding a bit of dark purples or maroons to the mix. Maybe dark, forest green. Rich and dark.

In his off hours, that's where I see the layering coming in. That man would own an absurd amount of sweaters that he lounges in. Eomer is like, 'There is no way you need fifteen sweaters.' and Grima is like, 'excuse me, I own eighteen, I'm currently wearing three of them. And yes, I do need them.' Eomer replies, 'It's August! It's 32 degrees out there!' Grima bundles up more and nests on the couch.

Eomer: ahhh my weird snake boy(?)friend(?) who is unable to regulate his internal temperature.

Grima: some of us aren't walking furnaces. Eomer.

--

Grima has been known to steal Eomer's clothes which are too large for him but it allows greater layering opportunities when home and watching bad tv shows.

Eomer: I was planning on going out with Theodred for drinks and I was going to wear that cardigan you have on.

Grima: Too bad. Find a new cardigan, horse boy. I'm wearing it while I'm being anti-social and watching VEEP. I have four other layers on under it. I'm so pleased with myself.

Eomer: you are a very, very strange person.

Grima drinks his post-work beer and slides deeper onto the couch.

--

For comparison to Eomer, it's mostly colour contrast. Eomer wears more colours on the whole, and while they're also on the rich side they're not nearly so dark. I suspect their sense of style is very different but I'd have to sit on it and think about it before I could land on exact distinctions between them. I can also see Eomer, on the whole, going more casual than Grima. He'd wear jeans to work, nice chic fashionable formal jeans, but jeans regardless. Compared to Grima who is always in proper dress slacks etc.

--

thank you for the ask! :D :D

[fanficrocks]

Learning from a master

Fic written for FFF272 Change in Tone. @flashfictionfridayofficial.

Slightly abbreviated version of the fic posted below to stay within the word limit. Full version available on AO3.

Fandom: Lewis (ITV)

Characters: Lizzie Maddox, Joe Moody, Robert Lewis, James Hathaway

Setting: During S9 and early in Moody's time as CS, between One for Sorrow and Magnum Opus

DS Lizzie Maddox stood at the observation window, staring into the interview room that currently housed Michael Redford, an unprepossessing specimen of the male of the species and currently their only suspect for the killing of old Mrs. Bradley, his adoptive grandmother. Unfortunately, their case was entirely circumstantial, and really stood no chance without a confession.

"Damn, damn, damn. I know he did it, but he might well walk."

Lizzie turned to look at her boss, back from a freshly smoked cigarette. Or three, by the intensity of the tobacco odour he brought in with him.

"You do realise, don't you, Maddox, that all we have here is evidence for suspicion - not conviction? And this bloke is not going to cave."

DI Hathaway continued to stare at their nonchalant suspect through the one-way glass, his face set in the forbidding scowl it had worn throughout the abortive initial interview with Redford. Just then the buzzing of his mobile broke the silence.  Lizzie kept her focus on the one-way glass while surreptitiously watching her boss from the corner of her eye - enough to catch a fractional relaxation in his stance; maybe even a slight smile to those tightly compressed lips. 

"Now, Maddox, we unleash our secret weapon on Redford. While you watch and learn!"

"Sir?"

"Patience."

Shaking her head, Lizzie turned back to the window, puzzled yet insensibly reassured by the change in Hathaway's demeanour. If that professional pessimist suddenly saw a ray of hope in the situation, he must have a trick up his sleeve. Though she couldn't think what.

Or rather, whom, she thought five minutes later as Lewis walked into the room and the two DIs ran through the case and the information they had thus far. As Lewis and Hathaway returned to the interview room, Lizzie pulled up a chair by the observation window, made sure the speakers were switched on, and prepared for the show. 

The opening of the outer door had her turning around, only to see Joe Moody enter the room and pull up a chair to flank hers. Whatever had brought the CS here? To her relief, he didn't ask any questions, but settled down to watch alongside.

Lewis had started questioning Redford, leading off with innocuous topics such as his school days, the sports teams he followed, and the pubs he frequented, all the while dropping in anecdotes about his early days on the beat and the adventures or misadventures of those days. Before he realised what was happening, Redford was visibly relaxing - even smirking at the soft touch with the Geordie accent who seemed interested in him rather than in his doings - and opening up more and more about his family and his past to this sympathetic listener while entirely ignoring the brooding presence in the other chair. 

For more than twenty minutes, they watched as Lewis drew Redford out - sometimes on topics that seemed germane to the investigation, such as his relationship with his adoptive grandmother; and at others simply giving him his head. Redford had been waxing lyrical about how his were the only visits Mrs. Bradley had enjoyed, how he had demonstrated his fencing moves to entertain her, using an ornate wrought iron poker instead of a sabre, and how it took far more skill than he got credit for to handle such a heavy implement gracefully.

"Ah, a wrought iron poker. So your grandma - she had a full set of fire irons from when her semi had a functional fireplace, did she?"

"Yes, she did. And she was very proud of 'em too. Polished them up every Sunday without fail until you could see the lights reflecting in them at night."

"Funny. Wouldn't have thought you could polish wrought iron like that, meself. But what do I know?"

"Oh, not that. She had a set of fire irons in brass. The wrought iron poker was my contribution and stayed in the umbrella stand."

"Right. Now, Mr. Redford, can you describe to us how the shaft of this poker was patterned? Ornate, you said. So was it...?"

"It is not a smooth rod - more like a wave wrapped around it. Kinda like a spiral. I can't describe it really, but it is not smooth. And the handle is shaped like a four leaf clover."

"Ah. Distinctive then. Should be easy enough to track down if someone tries to flog it."

"Yes. Yes it should be - I am sure it is worth a bit even though I got it cheap from the amateur theatrical group I am part of."

"The Witney Players, would that be, sir?"

"Yes, that is it."

Then came the blink-and-you-would-miss-it moment..... 

"Now, Mr. Redfield, we have spoken to the props manager for the Witney Players, and he confirms the sale. Even gave us a photograph and the handle is just as you describe it. The curious thing though is that the shaft is smooth - entirely. How do you explain that?"

"Dunno. Maybe there were two in the props? But why do you ask - is that what she was...?"

"We are simply trying to reconcile the marks on the body with..."

"But it can't be. The shaft never touched her - it was only the head, the handle..."

Both Lizzie and Moody gasped. In the interview room, Hathaway, who had been slouching lower and lower in his chair throughout the conversation, looked up directly at the observation window, as though to check that Lizzie had caught it too before turning his attention back to Lewis and Redfield.

"Precisely. Now that you have told us it was the handle from that poker that killed Mrs. Bradley, how about a round tale? With no embellishments whatsoever?"

Moody was still shaking his head in disbelief.

"That was incredible. A true masterclass. Redfield must have been lulled into thinking he was playing with a tabby, only to have it turn into a tiger in the blink of an eye. Wow!"

[fanficimagery]

Friends in High Places

Summary: When Spencer comes home with files to a case that has his team stumped, he's surprised when you- his neighbor for a couple years now- is the person who gives them a new lead to follow. That and that you're ex-SHIELD.

Words: 8K Warnings: This is what I get for starting a rewatch of Criminal Minds and then watching Marvel movies all in one day. Fml. I've never written for Criminal Minds, so please excuse the mediocre-ness of their characterization. I have no idea what I'm doing; I just knew I wanted a crossover between these two fandoms. Also timeline? What are those? All you gotta know is that this is an AU where Bucky's joined the team and Steve DIDN'T ruin the life Peggy Carter would have had. As for the CM side, this is sometime after Hotch has left and Emily took over. Idk.

Having the night off and wanting nothing more than to just be lazy, you're sitting on your couch in your most comfiest clothes and mindlessly scrolling through Tumblr as your TV plays some program on Animal Planet. You're not even paying attention to the program, but the low sound is perfect for background noise.

You're queuing up some art posts that catch your attention, as well as some gif sets of the TV shows you've become a constant viewer of in the past few years, when there's a knock at your door. But not just any knock. It's a specific knock that you and your neighbor came up with after you got to know each other and became fast friends, and it was to let the other know they were home and wanted company. You mostly worked nights and his work schedule was always all over the place, so it's surprising you're both home at the same time.

Picking up your phone, you shoot him a quick text that you'll be over in five.

Spencer Reid is literally the man of every woman's dream, even if they didn't know it. He's cute and adorable and sometimes dangerously hot all rolled into one, and the best thing about it all is that he doesn't even know it. You had met him on one of your first few days in the apartment complex, but unfortunately it was during one of your slight panic attacks when a thunderstorm had caught you off guard while you were sitting in your car and you didn't have an umbrella.

He had seen and heard you freaking out as he was passing by, and knocked on the passenger window. You had collected yourself just long enough to roll the window down a few inches when he asked if you were okay, then proceeded to answer his own question by stating you obviously weren't. When he realized you lived in the same complex and asked if he could climb inside your car and out of the storm, you had stared at him in confusion until he realized that might have been a bit weird since you were strangers. He stammered his way through his explanation of being an FBI agent and after showing you his badge you had let him in.

You didn't have to tell him what was making you panic and he proceeded to keep your mind occupied. He asked about you and where you had moved in from, and spewed random facts about anything to temporarily make you forget about the storm raging outside. But the torrential rain wasn't letting up and the lightning was only getting closer and closer. He made you realize you had to make a run for it and even offered up his umbrella for you. You had thanked him with tears in your eyes and made a run for it on the count of three when you were settled just enough.

Inside the lobby of your apartment building, you had stood there trembling while Spencer nervously gripped onto the strap of his messenger bag as he stood across from you. When you were shaking the water off his umbrella, you hesitantly told him your reasoning for your freak-out. It wasn't necessarily the thunderstorm, but rather the torrential rain that wasn't letting up. A few years back you had a drowning incident and too much water on your face tended to bring back those memories. He said he understood and then with a sympathy tinged smile he offered to walk you to your apartment. It was a pleasant surprise to learn you had only lived two doors down from him.

Weeks turned into months and months into a couple of years, and you and Spencer were nearly inseparable when you both had the same day/night off.

So after quickly fixing your already messy hair so you don't look like a complete slob, and pulling on a loose hoodie, you grab your phone from the sofa and then head on out. Your socked feet keep your footsteps quiet as you head down to Spencer's door where you knock three times on it before opening it up and stepping inside.

But before you can greet him with a cheesy welcome, he's already calling out, "Hope you haven't had dinner. I picked up some burgers on the way home."

On cue, your stomach grumbles. "God bless you, you beautiful, beautiful man!" You hear him laugh from a room that's not where his kitchen is, so you make a beeline for the kitchen instead of accidentally walking in on him changing. There are two paper bags on the table and you quickly grab plates from his cabinet to separate the food on. Spencer enters the kitchen in a shirt and some gray joggers, and you greet him with a beaming smile. "You're home and in one piece! Yay!" He laughs and you quickly lean in to peck his cheek, not saying a word when you catch sight of his pink tinged cheeks. "You have any beer?"

"Yes. Grab two, please."

"Got it." You hear one of his kitchen chairs creak as you open his refrigerator to grab two beers, you then searching a nearby drawer for the bottle opener. Once you find it, you walk back over to the table and open each beer before handing one over to him.

"Thanks."

"Mhm." Taking a seat, you set your beer down before unwrapping your burger and dumping your fries out onto the plate. "So what's up, doc? You're home surprisingly early."

"We've hit a wall on our latest case," he says, keeping it vague. "There was nothing for us to do while Garcia did her thing, so Emily sent us home for a bit."

"Nice." You take a bite of your burger and your eyes widen when Spencer's eyebrows raise in surprise. When you realize how your words sounded, you're quick to backtrack. "Wait! It's not nice that you hit a wall, but nice that you got sent home! I got free food out of it. That's why it's nice. Not because, you know, you haven't found the-"

"Y/N, you're rambling," Spencer says, lips twitching. "I understood what you meant."

You sigh, shoulders dropping, and grab half a fry to toss at him. "Eat your food, Reid. It's getting cold."

It surprisingly doesn't take long for the two of you to eat your dinner, you both being hungrier than you first thought. After you're done, Spencer turns down a second beer but tells you to help yourself. You do. And on the way into his living room, you bump into one of his chairs and knock his bag over. You gasp and set your beer down on the coffee table, falling to your knees to scoop up his files that had spilled out.

Chuckling, Spencer crouches next to you as you profusely apologize.

"It's okay. It was an accident." A few pictures had slid out of their files and normally you'd just shove them back in because his work wasn't any of your business, but the face staring back up at you makes you pause. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a little heavy on the eyeliner, and a lip piercing. You know her. "Y/N?" You gulp and flip to another picture- brown hair, brown eyes, mole above the right eyebrow. You know her too. "Y/N? Are you okay?"

With trembling hands, you flip back to the first picture and show it to him. "Is Lilian dead?"

Spencer's eyes widen. "You knew her?"

Knew. Past tense. She is dead. Showing him the second picture, you nod sadly. "Kyndall too."

He seems to stop breathing then and from one moment to the next he's opening files and pulling out picture after picture. As you stare at each of them, you grimace and swallow down the bile that's threatening to climb its way up your throat. "Y/N, do you know any of the others?"

Shakily exhaling, you point at each picture. "Desiree, Celeste, Maria. I don't know this one, but I think her last name was Valdez? And then the male is Tim."

Spencer falls on his butt, staring at you in surprise. "That's right. We know their names and their current line of work, but that's about it. Their files only seem to go back a few years. Everything between the end of their high school career and current line of work seems to be scrubbed clean. Do you- do you know of any connection between these people? Any little thing you know can possibly be a big help to my team."

Your gaze darts up to him and your heart sinks. You've managed to keep your past mostly hidden, but now it seems the time has come to tell him what you did before. "They, uh, they're all ex-agents of SHIELD. The real SHIELD, not HYDRA."

"What?"

"If I remember correctly, they were computer analysts or paper pushers. They had gun training as one would think an agent would have, but they were agents who didn't really have to train in hand-to-hand since they never made it out into the field."

"You're positive? How do you know this?"

You gulp. "Because I'm ex-SHIELD too."

Spencer blinks at you, but then in the next moment he's up on his feet and reaching for his phone. He places a quick phone call, stepping into another room and leaving you alone. Your stomach sinks and you have a feeling that this confession might have just put a wedge in your friendship. After all, though ex-agents were being picked up by other different branches of the government, you weren't sure just how exactly trustworthy all ex-agents were being treated.

Spencer reappears, nervously tucking his hair behind his ear. "Do you mind coming with me back to work? My co-workers could really pick your brain about this."

You blink at him. "W-What? You're not mad at me?"

"Mad?" He chuckles. "Why would I be mad? I mean I wish I had known what you did so I didn't have to worry about you being alone when I left for a case, but I can see why you would keep that underwraps. HYDRA made a lot of people paranoid."

"Tell me about it," you mumble. Then after a few seconds, you finally climb up to your own two feet. "Um, just let me go put on some shoes. I'll meet you in the hall."

Spencer's smile and nod eases some of your worries, but you still quickly make an escape to go put on some shoes. Your front door bangs open and you hurry to your hall closet. Yanking open that door, you pull on the first pair of Converse you come across. Then taking a moment to think, you grab a pair of knee high boots that you use every once in a while. Reaching inside, you grab your old badge and a USB stick, sticking your badge in your back pocket and the USB in your front pocket. Then grabbing your keys from the hook by the front door, you shut the door after exiting and lock it. Spencer is waiting down the hall for you and you jog towards him. He tightly smiles and then leads you downstairs, towards his car, and you sit quietly in his passenger seat while he drives.

On the way towards Spencer's place of work, he can't help but ask, "So what exactly did you do with SHIELD if you don't mind me asking."

You shrug. "Cat's out of the bag now, so I don't mind." You chuckle though it kind of falls flat. "I was, uh, a computer analyst for a while. But then I was taken on a field trip with a few agents and we ended up trading bullets with several not so nice guys. The field agents liked the way I handled myself and requested I level up, so to speak."

"And you never thought of trying to get hired on with anyone else? If I recall, the FBI and CIA were picking up ex-SHIELD agents after the fall."

You shake your head. "Remember that drowning incident I mentioned? Or the reason why I can't take baths anymore and have to turn my shower on and off between washing?" Spencer hums, remembering what he thought were odd quirks until he realized it was all because of your fear of certain amounts of water. "That drowning incident was HYDRA's fault. I spent months in rehab and just- well, no one wanted a damaged agent."

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm kind of glad they didn't. I quite like my neighbor who picks up take-out and bakes sweets for me after a rough case."

You try not to think too much about his words and instead choose to smile at him before looking out your window. The drive is only about twenty minutes and fortunately the radio fills in the semi-tense silence.

When you get to the FBI building, Spencer escorts you inside with a hand at the small of your back. You're given a visitor's badge and you quickly clip it onto the hem of your hoodie. The elevator ride up to the BAU's main floor is a short one and it opens up to a wall of glass where you can see several desks behind it.

Spencer opens the door for you and you can't help but make yourself seem as small as possible. You cross your arms over your chest, hugging yourself as you enter the room. There are several people milling about, but no one pays you any attention. Only one female, dark bangs covering her forehead while the rest of her hair falls just passed her shoulders, heads towards you once she spots you and Spencer.

"Y/N," Spencer says, introducing you to the woman as she nears, "this is our Unit Chief Emily Prentiss. Emily, this is my good friend Y/N Y/L/N."

Emily is all smiles as she reaches to shake your hand. "Hi! It's nice to finally meet the girl who takes care of our boy wonder after cases."

Spencer nervously chuckles and you find yourself genuinely grinning. "It's nice to finally meet you too. I've heard some funny stories about all you guys."

"I will neither confirm nor deny any of those."

Emily then leads you towards a room where three others are waiting. "Guys, this is Y/N Y/L/N. Friend of Spence and ex-agent of SHIELD. Y/N, this is Special Agent Derek Morgan and Jennifer Jareau, and our very own technical analyst Penelope Garcia."

Everyone happily greets you and Jennifer even gives you the go ahead to call her JJ. You're offered a seat at their round table and you glance at their board filled with pictures of people you used to work with. Spencer sits next to you and you offer him a feeble smile when he reaches beneath the table to squeeze your knee.

"Alright, guys, I know we're all interested in the girl who lives next to Spence, but we need to get down to business." Spencer groans as his teammates all chuckle. "So Y/N, is there anything else you can give us about the victims? What exactly did they do? Did they all personally know each other or just enough because they were coworkers? Even the smallest bit of info that you think is inconsequential can help us."

"I, uh, I can do you one better," you say. You shift in your seat and reach into your front pocket, pulling out the USB stick. "Since I figure all those NDA's we signed are now null and void thanks to Agent Romanoff's data dump, and because you're Spencer's friend, I feel comfortable handing this over. It kind of made me nervous keeping it in my house anyway."

You slide the USB towards Penelope and she gasps, snatching it up and holding it as if it were the holy grail. "Is this- are these files? Because let me tell you, I tried to download those files as soon as they hit the net but there were just so many and not even our WiFi could download it fast enough before they were scrubbed clean."

You grin and nod, chuckling at Penelope's squeal. "I started collecting everyone's files that I could get my hands on. I started with the baby agents- agents whose files wouldn't toss up red flags when their files were opened. The more clearance I was granted, the more files I was able to download."

"Oh my god. Yes! You are my new favorite person." Penelope rushes around the table, bending down to kiss your cheek with a loud mwah! "Reid, keep this one. I'll be in my lair."

The group all chuckle as you blush, but then Agent Morgan is clearing his throat. "Not that I'm not grateful about what you're giving up, but isn't what you were doing illegal?"

You shrug. "It possibly was, but then Director Fury realized I was memorizing it all and didn't have a problem with it so long as those files didn't leave my office."

"But you have them on you now," Morgan says.

"Yeah. The USB was hidden within my belongings in my office. My office surprisingly survived unscathed after Captain Rogers crashed the helicarriers into the Potomac, and my stuff was packed up and shipped to me while I was in rehab."

"If you don't mind me asking," JJ wonders, "but were you at the Triskelion when HYDRA came out or..?"

"I don't mind the questions at all," you say. "It's actually quite nice to talk about it with people who aren't eyeing me suspiciously." The group flashes you small smiles. "I was actually on a consulting job with a recently formed SHIELD team whose base was a humongous plane that was constantly on the move. Anyway, one of those trusted team members ended up being HYDRA. He led a group of his men onto the plane, killed half of us to get control of it, and then locked me and two scientists into a holding pod before dropping us into the middle of the ocean."

"The drowning incident," Spencer suddenly realizes.

You smile sadly at him, nodding. "We sank to the bottom of the ocean floor. There were three of us and only one little oxygen tank." Spencer grabs your hand beneath the table and you're grateful for the grounding pressure. "We gave it to Jemma. Fitz and I were going to attempt to swim, but we didn't make it. Fitz blacked out first, then me, and then- then nothing. We woke up in a trusted SHIELD facility, and Fitz and I couldn't operate like we used to. With our brains having been deprived of oxygen, it messed us up for a while."

"Wow," Emily says. "I am so sorry."

You shrug at her with a small smile. "It was all part of the job."

"What do you do now?" Morgan asks. "I hate to say it, but with all our victims being ex-SHIELD, and you as well, we have to rule you out as-"

"I get it." You smile in reassurance at him since it kind of pained him to admit that you could be a suspect and have Spencer glare at him for even thinking it. "I'm a bouncer at a bar most nights."

Morgan chuckles. "A bouncer? You!?"

"Hey! I might not look like much, but I did train with Avengers. I could probably give you a run for your money, agent Morgan."

"Okay, okay," he muses.

"I also work as private security for Stark Industries when they throw galas. If you need the exact dates I've been working, I can get that for you."

"Please," JJ says. "Spencer's already vouched for you, but protocol and all that. You understand."

"I do. I'll just- I'll text my bosses to email my clock-ins and clock-outs."

Pulling out your phone, you immediately text your boss at the bar and Pepper Potts. You keep the explanation vague as to why you need it, but assure them it's very much needed for a case the FBI is working on. They completely understand and you even have to make Pepper swear not to get Tony involved.

The emails come in not even ten minutes later and JJ happily takes your phone to run the dates with Penelope, promising to be quick about it. You remain in your seat, watching as Morgan and Emily walk towards the board and start tossing their thoughts back and forth over what they've learned so far.

Your hands are atop the table, thumbs chipping away the already chipped nail polish you have on. The second you raise your hand with the intent of chewing on your thumb nail, Spencer catches your hand. "You okay?" He quietly asks and you stare at him. He then lets your hand go as you pull them back into your lap.

"Yeah. Just getting kind of tired. And a bit anxious. Someone's targeting ex-SHIELD agents and I- well I'm one of those people."

"No one is going to hurt you, Y/N. I promise."

You feebly smile, not taking his words to heart because you know he can't actually keep that promise. He might want to, but you know better than to take these types of promises seriously in situations such as this.

JJ reappears, a bright smile in place as she hands you your phone. "I'm pretty sure Penelope programmed her number in there."

"That's fine." You chuckle. You lay your phone on the table, giving your attention back to Emily and Morgan who's now being joined by JJ.

"Guys, Garcia is having a ball right now. There's so much information she wasn't privy to before, but I'm not sure how any of it is going to help more than Y/N already has." Emily and Morgan look at JJ, waiting for her to explain. "We already know victims weren't the best at hand-to-hand, which the unsub clearly took advantage of. But we need to know what they were presently doing and if they were checking in with anyone because there are a lot of dead ex-agents. That's not a coincidence. Either someone who's ex-SHIELD or HYDRA is picking off ex-agents one by one, or someone who has a grudge against SHIELD found a list of ex-agents and is working their way down the list."

"Where do we even start?" Morgan asks, incredulous. "SHIELD technically doesn't exist anymore and those who are operating in the shadows are nearly impossible to track down thanks to the Avengers. None of them are exactly easy to get a hold of after General Ross made it his personal mission to bring in James Buchanan Barnes for crimes HYDRA made him commit. They like working on their own."

"We'd have to jump through a bunch of hoops just to get a face to face," Emily says, sighing. "If we're lucky they'll want in on the case since it's related to SHIELD."

"Um, actually.." You nervously raise your hand, calling all attention on you. "You can bypass all those hoops."

Emily stares at you, sitting on the edge of the table as she crosses her arms over her chest. "You still have connections, don't you?" At your sheepish grin, she huffs in amusement. Every other team member straightens with hope in their expressions.

"Agent Prentiss, I am the connection." As you pick up your phone once more, JJ and Morgan step closer to the table. You scroll through your contacts, finding the one you need and tapping on it. Then putting it on speaker, you try to soothe your nerves as the ringing through the speaker seems to make the atmosphere of the room become tense.

The ringing stops as the connection is made and then, "Well, well, well. If it isn't my second favorite human on God's green Earth." You roll your eyes at the charm oozing from him. "What kind of trouble are you in now, doll?"

Emily and JJ's eyes widen, and you shake your head in amusement. "Put your boyfriend on the line, Barnes. I'm calling in a favor."

"Are you calling to finally take us up on that offer of joining us for a night?"

Everyone in the room seems to freeze, although Morgan is highly enjoying where this seems to be going. You close your eyes, scrunching up your nose. You can't believe they just heard that. "Steve really needs to put a muzzle on you."

"Well if you're into that-"

"Bucky!" You bark. "You're on speaker." Morgan finally loses the battle with his laughter and you wish you can sink into your chair. Instead you have to settle for just insanely blushing and covering your face with one hand. "I'm currently with the BAU of the FBI. They have a case that they could use some help on."

"Oh." There's a beat of silence. "Christ, Y/N. You should have stopped me sooner. Stevie's gonna lecture me again. Hold on. I'll go get him."

The line goes silent and you nervously meet Spencer's gaze. He's the only one who doesn't seem as amused which is why you don't find Bucky's greeting as funny as you normally would. Something about his expression actually makes you wish Bucky hadn't said anything.

"Y/N?"

You sit a little straighter in your seat. "Hey, Cap."

"What's going on? Buck mentioned the FBI."

"Uh yeah. I'm with Agents Prentiss, Morgan, Jareau, and Doctor Reid," you tell him. "They've been dealing with a case that had gone cold and well I kind of made a connection they hadn't seen before because they couldn't, and uh I'm sure they could use your help."

"What was the connection?"

You look at Emily and she nods, letting you tell him. "Steve, all the victims are ex-SHIELD. Specifically agents who wouldn't have had too much training; who couldn't hold their own without a gun in hand."

There's a sharp inhale. "What do they need?"

Emily's eyes close in relief and she holds her hand out for your phone. You happily oblige her and hand it over. "Captain Rogers, this is Special Agent Emily Prentiss. I'm the one in charge of my team here."

"Hello, Agent Prentiss. How can my team and I be of help?"

"Well we mainly need to pick your brains and ask some questions. We're aware that SHIELD is still operating to an extent, even if it is in the shadows, so we'd like to know if the victims were still affiliated with you. If we're dealing with someone who is or was from SHIELD or HYDRA, we'd like to have you involved since you have more experience with how they operate."

"That's fine. I'll gather my team and set up a room. Are you okay to set up base here in the Compound?"

"Yes!" JJ says, starting everyone. She clears her throat and calms herself. "Yes."

Steve chuckles. "Very well. Gather everything you need. I'll be sending a quinjet for you all since it'll be faster. Y/N knows the pick-up location."

"Thank you so much, Captain Rogers."

Emily hands you the phone and seeing that the call is still connected, you say, "Hey, Steve? Thanks for this."

"It's not a problem, sweetheart. Are you okay though? You're an ex-shield agent yourself."

"I know, but nothing has been out of the ordinary. I'm okay."

"Good. You coming too?"

"I was actually planning on going home after driving the agents to the location. I'm not an active agent anymore, bub."

"I know you're not, but with that agent neighbor of yours coming here I rather have you here as well so we can keep an eye on you." You sigh at his protectiveness. "Bring a change of clothes for a week. I'll have Nat get a hold of your boss and let him know some of what's going on so you'll have a job to go back to once all of this is over."

"You're a pain in the ass, Rogers."

Steve laughs. "See you soon, Y/L/N."

The call ends and you set your phone down. Glancing up, you smile sheepishly at the team staring at you. "So, uh, I guess I'm tagging along. Sorry about that."

Emily opens her mouth, her words getting stuck as she shakes her head in amusement. "Don't be. You got us working with the Avengers within minutes as opposed to taking hours, possibly even a day if I had to put in a request."

Morgan whistles appreciatively. "This is insane. I'm gonna give Garcia a heads up about our field trip. Expect another tag a long. I don't think she'll pass up this opportunity."

You chuckle as JJ says, "Rossi is going to be so pissed he took a vacation and missed out on working with the Avengers." Then looking at you, she adds, "Do you think Spider-Man will be there? My son absolutely loves him and I would be the coolest mom ever if I got a picture or video with him."

"I'm sure Pe- uh, I'm sure Spider-Man will make an appearance," you say. "He's always hanging around after his classes are done for the day."

JJ's eyes widen. "You totally know who he is."

"I do. And let me tell you, he absolutely adores kids. Ask and he'll happily oblige."

"Guys. Guys!" Emily says. "Case first, fangirl later."

Spencer snorts and you elbow him on reflex. He grumbles, Emily and JJ grin, and you innocently smile at Emily. "Sorry, Agent Prentiss. I'll just- I'll go sit on that couch over there so I'm not in the way."

Emily starts telling her team what needs to be done, repeating herself again when Morgan returns with a clearly excited Garcia. Morgan informs everyone he'll go gather the boxes of files while Spencer immediately sets out to disassemble the board of pictures and post-its. Garcia excitedly rushes back to her own office to pack up a few things, while Emily and JJ figure out what all they'll need to be taking with them.

To keep yourself occupied, you waste a few minutes by playing a game on your phone.

You're not sure how much time has passed, but someone hesitantly sitting next to you takes your attention off your phone. Glancing up, you see Spencer sitting there and realize everyone else has cleared out of the room. "We should be ready to head out in about ten minutes."

"Oh. Okay."

There's a moment of silence and then, "Soo.. Bucky Barnes." He chuckles, running a hand through his hair, and you can tell his amusement isn't exactly genuine. "He's- he's not the type of person I pictured you with if I'm being honest."

"Barnes?" You snort. "Ew. No." Spencer seems surprised by your reply. "Bucky likes to flirt with me because he knows it won't go anywhere. He's well aware of the actual person I have a crush on and he respects that. Mostly."

"O-Oh? So there is someone in the picture then?"

"Well, not really," you say. Squirming in your seat, you're not totally comfortable with the direction this talk has taken until you see you're not the only one squirming. Spencer is avoiding eye contact, but he's also clearly awaiting your answer. There's also a telltale flush up the side of his neck to the tips of his ears, and- oh. Oh. Seeing how nervous Spencer suddenly is makes you feel better. So better, in fact, that you feel you should speak up about something that you've kept secret for a while. "Well I mean I'd like there to be," you say, grinning when he freezes. "The thing is, he actually lives down the hall from me." Cue him holding his breath. "He's totally adorable, but also secretly hot which is so unfair, and he works for the FBI." Spencer's head snaps in your direction, eyes wide. You smile sheepishly and shrug. "The only downfall is that he's way too good for someone like me, so I settled for friendship."

Your heart is beating terribly fast and the only thing keeping you glued to your seat is Spencer grinning bashfully, cheeks pink. "If you ask me, I don't think he's too good at all. I-If anything, he probably thinks you were too good for him which is why he never made his own feelings known."

Relief washes over you and you laugh. "We're idiots, huh?"

Lips pressed together, he smiles wide. Then, "A little."

"Rain check on this discussion? We've got Avengers to greet and you have a case to solve."

"Of course!" Spencer hastily stands, offering you a hand up. Grinning, you take it and let him pull you to your feet while shoving your phone into your back pocket. "Wherever we're going, is it okay to leave our vehicles there?"

"Yeah. It's private property and pretty secluded. No one gets in without codes."

"Okay then. We'll swing by our building for your bag and then you can direct one of the drivers while the other follows."

"Sure. Sounds like a plan."

Because of the connection between the list of victims, you have an escort up to your apartment while you pack a bag. Emily and JJ happily accompany you, leaving Spencer to fend for himself with Morgan and Garcia.

In your apartment, the two female agents waste no time in subtly trying to figure out your exact feelings for their dear friend and you take great amusement in skirting around the answer they so desperately try to pry out of you. And it's only after your duffel is packed do you tell them you and Spencer had admitted some things to each other, but you are planning to talk about it further after their case is closed. JJ seems oddly giddy and Emily coos about their boy genius growing up. You blush, relieved that they've taken a to liking to you. Then when you get back to the vehicles, you know Spencer has been questioned as well given the smirks being sent your way.

The drive to the field isn't long and the team is impressed by the level of security for a seemingly abandoned airfield. There's an unmanned gate which you get off at to speak for voice recognition, punch in a specific code, give a hand print, and then secretly have your forefinger pricked for a blood sample. Then when the gate swings open, you quickly climb back into the car and instruct Emily towards the second gate where a guard sits. The guard greets you warmly and, after you introduce those in the vehicle with you, he assures you he knows all about the impending pick-up.

"So what exactly are we in for?" Morgan asks. You're all waiting in an opened hangar, the boxes they'd packed sitting on the ground.

"Your perceptions about them are about to be changed," you admit. "I'm sure you've all told yourselves that the Avengers are just like you and I, but you have no idea how true that it is until you meet them."

"Who is the nicest?" JJ wonders.

You take a moment to think about. "Honestly? They're all nice, but if I had to choose I'd choose Spider-Man. It's hard not to like him. The kid's a puppy."

"Who gives the best hugs?" Garcia quickly adds.

Everyone chuckles at her eagerness. "That's a tough one," you say. You ponder on it for a moment. "I say it's a tie between Steve and Thor. They hug full on, chest to chest. None of that half-assed, one arm hug nonsense."

Garcia practically swoons. "Oh to be wrapped up in those beefy Asgardian arms." You snort and shake your head in amusement.

Another twenty minutes pass and you regale Spencer and his friends about some of your work with SHIELD. But all too soon the telltale sound of a quinjet reaches your ears and when you look up you see one incoming.

"Well that was hella fast," Garcia muses when she spots the quinjet herself.

JJ grins. "Stark technology. Gotta love it."

Emily nods in agreement. "We definitely need an upgrade."

Whoever is flying the quinjet lands it with ease, and Spencer, Morgan, and JJ immediately pick up their boxes. Shouldering the strap of your duffel bag, you start heading towards the quinjet when the ramp is being lowered and the team follows a few steps behind.

Clint Barton walks off the ramp and you chuckle, hurrying your steps. Both your arms go around his neck and one of his arms wraps low around your waist. "Short stack," he says. "What trouble did you get into now?"

"Why does everyone assume I'm in trouble?" You pout as you pull back, pinching his cheek and cooing before stepping back out of range. "And what are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be on the farm with those precious little heathens?"

"I was, but Laura had leftovers for Nat and Wanda. I was just dropping them off when Steve rounded up the team."

"Oh nice." Then turning around, you gesture to the BAU team. "Clint, meet Special Agents Emily Prentiss, Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau, Doctor Spencer Reid, and the brains of the beauty of the team Miss Penelope Garcia. Guys, meet Clint Barton formerly known as Hawkeye."

Everyone shakes hands, with the exception of Garcia who slaps his hand away and pulls him into a hug.

"Baby girl," Morgan laughs, "what are you doing?"

She squeezes a chuckling Clint before letting go, she then whirling on her own friend. "This is my first time meeting the Avengers. Do not take this from me!" Morgan's eyebrows raise in amusement, the whole team and Clint chuckling.

Then not wasting anymore time, Clint ushers everyone on board. He shows them where the boxes and your bag can be stowed before taking the pilot's seat up front, only to be joined by Morgan moments later in the co-pilot seat. You show Emily and Garcia how to buckle in, and then take your own seat between JJ and Spencer.

Clint counts down for lift off and you grip your harness as you feel the quinjet take flight. Spencer nudges you with his elbow and you glance at him, grinning to assure him you're okay. But when you can feel the quinjet picking up speed thanks to the feeling in your gut, you close your eyes and are thankful that no one brings up the fact that you're actually really nervous right now.

Your left hand is grabbed and gently pried from your grip on the harness, and your eyes fly open in surprise. You look towards your left and JJ smiles at you reassuringly as she squeezes your hand in comfort. Then when your right hand is grabbed and given the same treatment, you glance over at Spencer and can't help but blurt, "I-I've never been nervous about flying before."

"It's perfectly normal to subconsciously be nervous or anxious after we trudged up your past earlier," he says. "Just close your eyes and relax. We won't let anything happen to you."

You nod, smiling shakily and turn your head to rest it against the headrest of your seat. Then closing your eyes, you're grateful for the team not asking you anything for the duration of the ride. Instead, they save their questions for Clint who's all too happy to answer what he can.

You know the Compound's come into view when Morgan whistles in appreciation. Clint lands to quinjet with ease and then everyone's unbuckling themselves when he gives the go ahead. Before you can grab your bag, however, Spencer is grabbing it and beaming at you when you sigh with mock annoyance.

One by one the BAU team disembarks after Clint, leaving you and Spencer to bring up the rear. You hear Clint introducing everyone and notice everyone's congregated around in a circle. Then just as you and Spencer join, you notice that Garcia is petting Bucky's vibranium arm. You snort, catching an amused Steve's attention.

"Y/N," he greets.

"Steve." You step forward, briefly hugging him and then Bucky. As you step back in line, you gesture towards Spencer to introduce him. "This is Doctor Spencer Reid. Spence, this is Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes."

Steve leans in for a handshake, but then pauses mid-shake. "Wait. Spencer Reid? The Spencer Reid?" He grins. "Are you- are you and the agent neighbor one in the same?"

You sharply inhale, eyes widening when everyone turns to stare at your rapidly blushing face. Steve's grin turns rather teasing and your eyes narrow at him. "Two words; octopus dick." Steve's amusement vanishes, and everyone turns towards a now blushing Steve as Bucky guffaws. You turn your gaze on him next. "I don't know why you're laughing, dolphin boy."

Bucky immediately shuts up and Steve shakily grins before addressing the team. "Okay! Now that we've all been introduced, lets get inside before Y/N starts a war she can't finish."

Morgan and JJ are the only two to follow after Steve, Bucky, and Clint. Emily and Garcia remain with you and Spencer, and both females look to you with pleading eyes.

"Please tell me how four innocuous words got two supersoldiers to blush like that?" Garcia asks, Emily nodding along with her. "I need to know!"

"Sorry, girls," you tell them. "Those stories get out and I'm dead meat."

The both of them grumble about not getting answers, but move on without fuss. Before you can follow, however, Spencer steps closer to you. "You won't even tell me?" He asks, voice quiet.

You huff. "You already know."

Spencer's answering smile is enough to make you roll your eyes and he's quick to keep pace with you as you enter the building. There are numerous people milling about, but since it's late most of the trainees are in bed. Every piece of furniture and fixture still seems brand spanking new, so you don't blame the BAU team looking around in awe.

Heading into the chosen office, you lead Spencer inside before catching Steve's attention. "I'm gonna let you guys get to work. I'll be setting up in my room if anyone needs me."

No one objects, so after taking your bag from Spencer you take your leave. You leisurely make your way towards the living quarters of the compound and find your room with ease. Opening the door, the familiarity of it brings a tired smile to your face. The lamps have been turned on, awaiting your arrival, and even the TV has been turned on with its volume on low. The walls and bedding is the same as everyone else has, but you know it's your room because of the personal pictures on the dresser and bedside tables.

Since you're going to be staying until the case is over and then probably a couple days more after, you decide to put your clothes in the dresser rather than leave it in your bag for the entire time. After that's done and you've switched your TV to a movie you like, you pick out a standard set of black sleep pants and a blue/gray shirt that every trainee at the compound wears to bed so you can shower before crawling into bed yourself.

You're grateful for the private bathroom and even more grateful to see the products you use already waiting for you. You turn on the water to the shower, grab a towel from the bathroom closet and set it on the counter along with your change of clothes before you start to strip.

You keep your hair in a topknot as you shower since you had washed it earlier that morning, so your shower is over within ten minutes. Then by the time you're dried off and dressed in fresh clothes, and your teeth are brushed, you exit the bathroom.

Stepping into your room, you startle at the sight of Spencer sitting on the small cushioned bench at the foot of your bed. He's staring up at the moving playing, the corner of his lips quirked up in amusement. But at your small gasp, he looks towards you, lips spreading into a fond smile.

"Captain Rogers said it was okay that I wait for you. I don't mean to intrude."

"Spence," you huff a laugh and then continue on towards your bed, "we have keys to each other's apartments and sometimes barge in without warning. I think you waiting in here is more than okay."

"Just needed to make sure," he says, "what with this being a new place and all."

"Mhmm." You sit on the edge of the bed that's right behind the bench, putting your feet on the cushion beside Spencer and practically hug your knees as you stare at him. "How did everyone settle in?"

"E-Everyone's good." Spencer turns sideways, grinning up at you. "We got our own rooms here so we don't have to be back and forth from a hotel. When we left, Garcia was being introduced to the holographic tables and now I don't think she's going to sleep tonight."

You chuckle. "I knew she'd fall prey to all the pretty tech here." He chuckles along with you. "And how did everyone take the news to hearing the details about the case?"

"They're taking it very personally," Spencer tells you. "Mr. Barton even asked to stay on as a consultant. He and agent Romanoff are not very happy."

"Well they might not be as smart as you, Doc, but I think they're going to be a big help. You guys will be out of here in no time with the bad guy in cuffs."

"Is that so?" He muses. You grin and nod. "And if we're out of here in no time, are we still waiting until you go home for that discussion we still need to have?"

"We can table the discussion," you say, "but I really need to do this before I chicken out."

"Do what?"

Without thinking too much more about it, you reach out to cradle Spencer's jaw in the palms of your hands. You bring his face closer to yours, pausing with barely an inch between your lips. It seems he's held his breath in surprise, but when he notices you're waiting for some sort of unspoken permission it's him who closes the gap.

There's nothing heated or rushed about the kiss- it merely being a chaste kiss of several little pecks before he catches your bottom lip between his teeth. You smile, your lip popping free from where it stretches, and you giggle as he leans up to chase your lips.

"Ahem." The interruption causes you to jerk back from Spencer, eyes wide when you catch sight of Bucky leaning against your door jamb and looking quite smug. "Hope I'm not interrupting." You groan, laying your forehead on Spencer's shoulder while he quietly snorts. "So with this new development, does this mean our threesome will now be a foursome?"

You can't help but laugh and sit straight once more so you can see your friend. Unfortunately, the question actually gives you pause and there's a split second where you actually give it thought. But in the next moment your nose wrinkles and you shake your head. "What? No!"

He points at you, eyes gleaming. "You paused! You paused which means that no just turned into a maybe. I'm gonna go tell Stevie we're back in the game!"

"James!" Spencer finally laughs and you groan again when Bucky pushes off the door jamb, whistling as he walks away. "I hate my friends."

"Just wait until Morgan finds out. It'll be worse." Spencer chuckles as you sigh, and he gets up before walking around to the side of your bed. He places his palms down on the mattress, leaning over you to kiss you once more. "I'm gonna go to my room before Sergeant Barnes brings back reinforcements."

"Okay. I'll probably see you around the compound, but I'll do my best to stay out of your hair while you're looking for your unsub."

"Are we still talking after?"

"Of course. Well we can either talk or order in some Chinese and hole up in one of our apartments for a weekend. Your call."

"I like the second option," he says.

"I figured you would." You kiss him one last time and then push against his chest. "Now go. We'll figure things out soon."

[deltas-writing-corner]

Tsukumo Yuki relationship headcanons

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen

Pairing: Tsukumo Yuki x reader

Author note: Tsukomo Yuki is the reason I love woman and she can crush me between her thighs send tweet

Warnings: Potential manga spoilers (?) | Mentions of s*x, but nothing too blatantly explicit. I would still prefer it if minors did not interact with this post in any way.

Yuki always asks the people she meets what type of woman they like. If someone were to ask that same question back to her, she’ll most certainly utter back your name as if it were an obvious response.

What’s not to love about you? You’re cute. You make her laugh. You cook for her because heaven knows she can't if her life depended on it. Most importantly, you keep her company due to the lack of curses she’s ever sent to exorcise. Traveling the world is fun and all, but it’s even more fun with you by her side!

You’re not a sorcerer. You can’t even see curses. Yuki is a childhood friend of yours and has kept you in the loop regarding the world of jujutsu sorcery since she started integrating into it. She thinks it’s important for you to know that someone like you, a non-curse user who has no control over the curse energy you create, should know what exactly your negative emotions can lead to. It’s not to make you feel bad or pin blame on you in any way. It’s her way of protecting you beyond physical means as well as a way of showing you that she places a great deal of trust in you regarding the nature of her line of work and her true goals.

Because she rejects the methods of the higher-ups and her ideology is more along the lines of putting an end to the creation of curses permanently instead of letting them manifest and dealing with them when they start causing profound trouble, you’re often the one that has to listen to all her new, sometimes overreaching, hypotheses now and then. You may even take part in her research, but she would never put you in any sort of harm! At least, not unless you give her the okay to. Be warned, if you give your blessing to be her little lab rat she’s prone to get carried away with her methods. Speak up if she’s doing something outrageous or if she’s making you uncomfortable. Otherwise, you might end up in some precarious situations.

As mentioned previously, Yuki isn’t sent out on missions that often, if ever. She instead chooses to travel in and out of the country, for the sake of her research as well as for the pleasure of it. Since she’s one of three, later four, special grade sorcerers her salary is rather tremendous. Unfortunately, her travels outside Japan are “unauthorized” and sometimes her funds get frozen by the higher-ups. Her quick solution to the matter is to fly back, take on a mission or two to get her funds unfrozen (and into your account because you’re her partner-in-crime) or even take on a mission to earn some more funds, and then you and her are right back to traveling the world again.

During one of these money replenishing heists, she met a kid that she took a particular interest in and wanted to mentor, Aoi Todo. It’s hard for most people to spark her interest to the extent Todo did, so you happily supported her endeavors and even met with her young pupil a few times throughout the years. Her methods of training are a bit....extreme, to put it lightly. You understand that holding back her punches will only hinder Todo’s progress instead of allowing him the ability to improve and push past his limits, but you can’t help but flinch over the large scar that marks his face whenever you briefly meet up with him.

Todo is eccentric, but so is Yuki. Perhaps not idol obsessed like Todo, but seeing the way he takes great care of his appearance and flaunts his body (during a battle even), he’s a near-identical clone of Yuki. She knows that she’s good-looking, and she will always flaunt this fact to anyone with working eyes, even you! Does it work every single time? Yes. Yes, it does.

Honestly, how can it not? She’s tall. She has a great butt. She drives a motorcycle. Her tight biker pants are your Achilles heels and she knows it. Sometimes she’ll wear them around the house just to flaunt her curves and other bodily goods, even if it’s the middle of the summer, the AC is broken and the pants are made of stuffy leather material. If it gets your face all heated up, she'll wear it.

The compliments she gets from strangers are nice and all, but it’s your reactions she truly cares about. You’ve been by her side through it all. You're still sticking with her even despite the fact that she’s constantly moving around and living a somewhat free-spirited lifestyle. You genuinely support and help her when almost everyone else has rejected her methods and ideals and brush her off as some lazy, outrageous-thinking woman. Really, you stole this woman’s heart just by letting her be herself, a lazy, outrageous-thinking woman.

Yuki is indeed lazy, to the point it sometimes affects you and your shared apartment is left in a week-long accumulated mess. I’m talking clothes strewed about and spilling out the already full laundry basket, sink filled with dirty dishes, houseplant half dead due to insufficient watering, and little dusty bunnies in the corner of the room. Whenever you try to get around to getting your living space in order, she always drags you back to the bed with her either to nap some more or for a quick round of sex that leads to more napping. Eventually, you have to beat her with a pillow and threaten her with no sex for a certain period of time to get her to back off, which always works without fail.

If you really hold the “no sex until...” ultimatum over her head long enough, she’ll even pitch in and help you clean. But to be honest she kinda sucks at it so it’s sometimes better to just have her sit on the sidelines while you do all the work. She’ll jokingly suggest you clean with just an apron on (because she’s a freak like that), but you haven’t taken her up on the suggestion just yet. It’s mostly because you’ll use the “naked apron” method to further insinuate her punishment if your usual threat begins to lose its potency (because you are also a freak like that).

She’s a bad sleeping partner. Not only does she hog all the blankets and pillows, but she even stretches out her limbs over the entire bed. This usually leaves you curled up in a corner shivering your ass off until you either fall asleep via exhaustion or move to the couch. If you go to the couch, she’s 99.9% likely to wake up and join you shortly after, where she’s less of a hassle to deal with because of the limited space.

She’s a great big spoon, which is actually one of the ways you later use to solve her troublesome habits as once she latches onto you, she will not let go the rest of the evening. Unfortunately, she also snores terribly loud, but it’s nothing earbuds can’t fix.

Some might think she sleeps in something flattering, maybe even a bit scanty. That couldn’t be any further from the truth. Her pj’s are decades-old shirts and gym shorts that she never got around to getting rid of. If not that, she’ll sleep completely naked and she doesn’t care if someone walks in on her with the covers off. She’ll only ever wear lingerie or other promiscuous pieces of clothing if she has intentions of getting between your legs and rocking your world for the rest of the night.

I think it goes without saying that she looks great in lace, but as hot as she may look, she really likes seeing you dressed up in something risque as well.

If you’re female, she sometimes likes to wear matching lingerie sets with you, but her favorite material to see you in is leather, especially those harness-styled sets that squeeze your flesh all around.

If you’re male, she’s a complete sucker for a man in a clean-cut, custom-tailored suit and will take it off as soon as you put it on. Hope you don’t mind losing a button or two, because she will pop them off for sure when she rips your dress shirt off of you.

To all my gender-neutral folks, It’s never too late to whip out that naked apron I mentioned earlier! Or a leather jacket. Everyone looks great in a leather jacket!

Yuki’s diet is fucking terrible. You’re a decent cook, but despite this, all she ever seems to want is greasy take-out food that makes you wonder how the hell she’s still so fit after witnessing her down three chicken burritos in one sitting. Even when the two of you are abroad and are able to try out different types of cuisines not so readily available in Japan, she’ll still want to go out to a fast food joint that you can easily find everywhere. You’ve tried to get her to branch out of her comfort zone and eat somewhat healthier alternatives of her favorite foods, but so far you’ve gotten mixed results.

In summary: Yuki is a pretty outgoing person and sometimes can be a bit of a hassle to deal with, but she’s clearly ambitious and moves to the tune of her own beat. Her goal of finding and effectively eliminating the source of all curses is a testament to the fact that she wants to save future generations from having to carry the burden sorcerers have been carrying for thousands of years. Her goals are not only for the sake of the people who will come after her, but also for the sake of her future with you. You’re someone she genuinely cares for and wishes to spend the rest of her life with, evident by the numerous times she’s come clean to you about her fears of you dying when she isn't around to protect you or of her dying and leaving you behind to mourn during late-night pillow talks in hotels or in your shared home. A future where you and her can travel the world and truly take in and enjoy the sights and wonders instead of searching for an answer to one of the world’s greatest phenomenon is a future worth fighting for, even if she’s met with some pushback or the end goal seems like nothing more than a pipedream at times. So long as you’re there with her to see her research bear fruit, she’ll keep testing and coming up with new methods to eliminate curses permanently, no matter the extremes her research takes her to.

[august-anon]

Lullaby of Laughter

I've been trying to edit this for days but I've been having brain fog so it's been pretty unsuccessful lol. It was written months ago though and I edited it once back then so it's probably fine? Last time I did a fic poll this got the second-most votes so it made sense to post this next.

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Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Ship(s): Suki/Sokka/Zuko

Characters (lee/ler): Lee!Sokka/Ler!Suki/Zuko

Word Count: 2038 words

Summary: Sokka's a bit too restless to fall asleep, and unfortunately all his fidgeting is keeping Suki and Zuko awake. Suki decides to show Zuko just how she tires Sokka out enough to sleep.

[ao3 link]

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It was different, now.

Zuko had been worried that it would be different, that things would change. He often worried late into the night about it, if they would still like him after they all started to find peace. There was certainly something to be said about romantic bonds formed in the face of death itself, after all, and while Zuko was certain his own feelings were true, he worried about the feelings of his partners were simply in the heat of the moment.

After all, he had tried to kill them multiple times. And had their friends kidnapped, multiple times. And sent an assassin after them. And--

Zuko stopped that train of thought. Uncle Iroh had told him repeatedly how unproductive it was, and Suki and Sokka had started trying to convince him of that as well. He would begrudgingly admit that their methods were a bit more effective than his uncle’s.

But that didn’t mean Zuko’s fears had vanished.

The war was over, now. His father and Azula had been defeated, Aang had saved the world, and now Zuko was anxiously waiting on his own coronation. The heightened emotions from the battles were waning, and Zuko wasn’t yet convinced that Suki and Sokka’s feelings were not going to wane with them. It would be just his luck, wouldn’t it?

They were nothing if not persistent, though.

It was the first calm night since his father and Azula had been taken down. The past several days, everyone had been rushing around, putting out one political fire after the next, stopping battle after battle. Not everyone had gotten the memo that the war had finished. For the first time since Ember Island, the three of them were in the same building with no obligations.

Somehow, they all wound up in Zuko’s suite.

The three of them had slept in the same room before; heck, they had even slept in the same bed before, but they’d never done it alone. Team Avatar, as Sokka liked to refer to their group, was not only extremely close-knit, but also extremely traumatized. Odds were, if one person found their way into your designated sleeping area, five more weren’t far behind.

This was the first night the three of them would ever spend alone.

Zuko felt a bit out of place as he climbed into the bed, Sokka already sprawled out in the middle and Suki climbing in on the other side. Sokka had quickly made himself at home, letting his hair down and throwing off most of his clothing before climbing into the bed. Suki’d had much more decorum, but she certainly wasted no time in snuggling up in Zuko’s bed, cuddling up to Sokka’s side. They both glanced up at Zuko.

“It’s no different than any other time,” Suki said, her voice gentle.

“It’s a little different,” Zuko said.

Sokka rolled his eyes. “Can you at least have your crisis while cuddling me?” He said. “I’m cold, and I need my weirdly-warm firebender boyfriend plastered up against my side, like, yesterday.”

Zuko huffed a small laugh, steeling his nerves and sliding into the bed. Sokka stayed sprawled on his back, Suki’s arms wrapped around his waist. Not sure where to go, Zuko hesitantly mirrored her position on Sokka’s other side.

The three of them laid in silence for a while. Suki was clearly dozing in and out, though not fully asleep yet. Zuko himself felt his eyelids grow heavier and heavier, the spaces between each blink growing longer and longer. Sokka, though, seemed incapable of settling down. His eyes remained wide open between them, and he seemed incapable of controlling his fidgeting, despite how hard he seemed to be trying. After the fifth time he’d jostled them both awake, Suki sat up.

“That’s it,” she said. “Do we need to tire you out?”

Zuko immediately felt the energy in the room shift. Suddenly on edge and no longer sleepy, he carefully sat up, glancing back and forth between Suki and Sokka. Sokka had his hands raised in a placating motion, a nervous grin on his face. Suki looked downright predatory.

Zuko made a note to himself to never be in the center of the cuddle pile. He didn’t want to risk her wrath if he couldn’t hold still, either.

He couldn’t help but feel a little out of place in the situation, though. While this was a clearly practiced song and dance between Suki and Sokka, Zuko had no clue what was going on. He didn’t know why that grin was on Suki’s face, or why Sokka was blubbering incoherently, or why whatever this was would help Sokka get to sleep.

But then Suki looked over at him, her devious grin going a little softer at the edges. “Wanna help out?”

Zuko blinked. “With what?”

Suki smirked. “Sometimes, Sokka’s brain moves a little too fast for him to fall asleep--”

“I’m fine!” Sokka interrupted, deliberately snuggling back into the pillows on Zuko’s bed. “See! Totally tired.” He gave them a comically fake yawn.

Suki rolled her eyes. “So when that happens, I have a little method to help tire him out for the night.”

Zuko glanced back and forth between Suki and Sokka. “What’s the method?’

Suki grinned. “I’ll show you.”

Without any more warning, her fingers were suddenly spidering against Sokka’s bare sides. Sokka shrieked and thrashed around on the bed, but Suki didn’t let up. If anything, she tickled with more vigor, her grin growing. Sokka shied away from her fingers, shouting and pleading for mercy. Zuko’s hands twisted in his lap.

Suki looked up at him and her grin faltered. “Zuko?”

Zuko gestured awkwardly. “Are you sure that’s okay?”

Suki’s face immediately softened and she slowly reached out to him, allowing him ample time to pull away or tell her no. He did neither, and she took his hand in hers, interlacing their fingers. Zuko stared at their hands, almost with a sense of wonder.

“I know he’s playing it up a lot,” Suki said. “But he doesn’t hate it.”

“I’m right here,” Sokka said.

Suki rolled her eyes. “Then you can calm our boyfriend down, since you’re the one who worried him.”

Sokka let out a drawn-out groan, but reached out to link his fingers with Zuko’s free hand anyways. Zuko ignored the way his heart seemed to be skipping beats.

“Alright, fine,” Sokka said. “I don’t hate it.” A flush spread across his cheeks and he fidgeted a bit where he lay between them. “I kinda like it, actually. Just a little.”

Suki scoffed. “He likes it a lot, he means. I wouldn’t do it to him if he didn’t love it.”

“And all the yelling?” Zuko asked.

Sokka shrugged. “Involuntary.”

Zuko nodded. Suki gave his fingers one last squeeze before pulling away and wiggling her fingers threateningly in Sokka’s direction once more. Sokka started giggling before she even touched him, flinching away from her and raising his free hand in defense. He made no effort to pull his other hand out of Zuko’s grasp. Suki lunged.

“You wanna help out, now?” Suki asked over Sokka’s laughter, a bright grin on her face.

A smirk slowly started spreading over Zuko’s face as he stared down at Sokka. His cheeks and ears were flushed, and his eyes were crinkling at the corners from the force of his smile. His laughter shook his entire body, though it was hard to tell with the way he was thrashing around on the bed, trying to escape the fingers pinching evilly along his waistline.

“Who am I to say no to that,” Zuko replied, his smirk growing into a predatory grain when Sokka’s eyes went wide.

Slowly, Zuko used the hand he had interlaced with Sokka’s to raise Sokka’s arm above his head. Zuko’s speed was originally because of hesitance, but then he noticed how flustered it seemed to make Sokka, his thrashing and pleading growing all the more desperate. It made Zuko chuckle a little under his breath as he finally pinned Sokka’s hand to the bed above his head.

“Hey,” Zuko said, voice so low that Sokka could probably barely hear him above his own laughter. “This might tickle.”

While Suki’s fingers occupied themselves with Sokka’s stomach, sides, and hips, Zuko’s own fingers landed on Sokka’s tricep and began slowly spidering down with the lightest of touches. It proved to be very effective, with Sokka arching his back and squealing at a frequency that only flying bison could hear. His legs kicked as he whined through his laughter.

“Torture!” He yelled. “Torture!!”

Suki laughed. “Light tickles get him so bad. He’s usually too squirmy for me to be that mean.” She shot him an evil-looking smirk. “But now that you’re here and I’ve got the extra hands, we can torture him as much as we want.”

Zuko laughed, gaining confidence. He kept his fingers feather-light where they were wiggling down Sokka’s arm. Right when he was above to dive into Sokka’s armpit, Sokka’s thrashing getting more and more frantic the closer he got, he switched directions and started a slow spider back up to Sokka’s elbow. Sokka kicked his legs around at the end of the bed.

“Don’t tease!” He said through his cackling, burying his flushed face in his free hand.

“But you’re cute when I tease,” Zuko said. 

Sokka didn’t seem to have a response for that, but Zuko took mercy on him anyway. The next time Zuko made it back down Sokka’s arm, he continued into Sokka’s armpit, scratching the skin as lightly as he could with his blunt nails. It drove Sokka wild. Zuko hadn’t even realized Suki had stopped tickling at first, because Sokka was still thrashing and howling as desperately as ever.

“Are you tired, yet?” She asked Sokka.

“Yes!” Sokka cried, slapping at Zuko’s tickling hand with his free one.

Suki caught Sokka’s free hand and pinned it as well, scritching against his top rib with her nails. “Are you sure?”

“Yes! Please!”

Suki pulled back at that, so Zuko followed suit. She laughed as Sokka curled into a ball and started rubbing at his ticklish spots, trying to scrub away ghost tickles. Zuko couldn’t help his fond smile at the sight. Then, Suki grabbed his hand and leaned in for a kiss, once more giving Zuko ample time to pull away if he wanted to.

He leaned in.

Even through his breathlessness, Sokka wolf-whistled at them kissing over the top of him, and Suki giggled into the kiss. Zuko carefully kept his own smile under control, not wanting the kiss to end so soon, and brought his hand up to cup Suki’s face. He felt one of her hands run through his hair, while one of Sokka’s hands trailed up his side under his robe.

He flinched when Sokka’s fingers brushed a little too gently against his waistline, unfortunately pulling away from Suki in the process.

Sokka was grinning when Zuko opened his eyes.

“We are so exploring that later,” he said.

Zuko gave him a bashful smile, but didn’t protest. He let Sokka pull him down into a kiss, planting his hand against the mattress next to Sokka’s head for balance. The other hand went down to cup Sokka’s neck. Sokka’s hands cupped Zuko’s face, not letting him pull away until Zuko was properly blushing from the heady kiss. 

Not that Zuko would’ve been pulling away, anyway.

Suki leaned for her goodnight kiss next, and Zuko smiled as her and Sokka’s lips met. His heart felt like it was turning into liquid, warm and thick and heavy in his chest in all the best of ways. The feeling only intensified when Sokka pulled him and Suki close again, the two of them cuddling up to his chest. Suki and Sokka drifted off first, this time, leaving Zuko to admire the peaceful faces they made in their sleep.

He was sure the spiraling thoughts would find their way back to him at some point. They always seemed to after all, no matter how hard he tried. For tonight, though, Zuko let himself relax into the mattress and hold his partners close.

He was starting to feel like maybe he belonged here.

[shijiujun]

i feel kinda bad for shl cos all the fans of hyx and spl are blaming shl since their dramas are being delayed :(

LMAO I really don’t get that altho i can see that the timing might be a little back to back, and i’m not a SHL-only stan by any measure but:

For HYX especially,

Firstly it was already having problems since the end of last year with censorship and review. This is mostly due to the reason that 2ha is a pretty big fandom and is the cult fave in the danmei industry - what this means is that there are three types of fans basically right, (1) Normal fans who love the novel + show (2) Those who fanatically love the novel in some extreme ways haha (3) Those who hate it and/or are HYX-onlys - so you get it all in a bag. 

The first type of fans is definitely the easier ones to deal with, but unfortunately in big fandoms you get a lot of (2) and (3). It’s not something that’s exclusive only to 2ha/HYX but because it’s a cult fave, and a controversial one at that, problems definitely arise.

(2) are the ones who head down to the filming scenes, take photos and footage despite crew telling ppl not to do it, not to sneak around filming sites and definitely not to leak photos or footage. They do it anyway. Yeah sure of course it’s a couple of photos every few weeks or a tiny video every few weeks but word gets out. They’re inevitably hurting the show and the fandom with their actions, because shit trends on Weibo really fast, and the censorship committee (not just for the film industry or shows) is always lurking on the site to catch any sign of you know, hate speech for the country etc. and more. Not related, but the point is that social media is watched very closely. It’s not a myth or an exaggeration, you really just got to be careful, and HYX is a show that, despite not having been broadcasted, has consistently trended on Weibo over the last few months. Not always because of leaks, but yeah, HYX is in everyone’s faces. Fans themselves put a fucking huge spotlight on the show BEFORE we even have any content at all, and of course this isn’t enough to like create huge trouble for the show but then we have-

(3), which I believe creates the most trouble - the thing is 2ha and meatbun who wrote the book, has a long line of haters and antis, way before HYX came into the picture. I shall not go into details of how I’ve seen some big accounts on Tumblr here spit vitriol at the book without even reading it just based on the content/trigger warnings and playing the morality card (and I think most ppl who’ve followed me for a while know just what I think about that). Like this was way before any footage or leaks or even HYX being a thing came about - as a cult fave it has its share of haters, and this share is a huge. There are those who get off on their moral high grounds XD and I think especially these ones are the most troublesome, all they have to do is report that HYX is immoral, bad for culture etc. etc. hahaha and yeah the censorship team is always ready to step in on reports, especially on BL stuff.

And of course the larger part is the change in censorship processes - honestly even way before SHL came out in end Feb, HYX was no closer to getting passed by the review committee than it is now. Maybe yes, SHL scenes may be now used as reference for comparison but seriously? People are deluding themselves if they thought pre-SHL HYX was going through the review process smoothly and only hit roadblocks after. I mean, we’ve all seen the leaks, some of them are truly like god-tier scenes that may be hard to explain away. It’s not like they can repackage the script especially because they have to submit everything to the review committee.

I mentioned this in a post yesterday but how SHL passed reviews is due to the fact that they didn’t have to submit a full script. They only had to submit a partial script, and that makes a world of difference. Basically a team, under these requirements, can repackage the script to include the more het looking parts even I feel, and of course some heavy misdirection by the team, it could work. Now that you have to put an entire script up for scrutiny.. I mean, it’s hard. This is just a game of probability.

And the last reason I think is still Tencent. Honestly, I’ve never seen a huge ass MNC like this handle a show this terribly.

1. No control over leaks - This is honestly the dumbest shit to do

2. Terrible crisis management response time - When fans leak footage, it’s standard and practical business sense to control it IMMEDIATELY. They shouldn’t just leave it up to the crew to put up notices and as the company that owns the rights to the show, it’s up to them to possibly threaten legal action as well. Basically a sterner stance would have helped a lot, but Tencent is a motherfucker of a company who only cares about free marketing and publicity without any considerations over impact to the show itself 

3. Terrible at communicating with fans - Seriously, I’ve never seen a company or team that’s been this bad at confirming delays etc. and providing updates about a show. I understand that it’s mostly due to them not wanting to affect the review process or create more chaos within the fandom but lmao Tencent allowed the hype to build so much and then goes absolutely silent at crazy rumours. I mean we had to find out about a delay from Cai Bao, their cat mascot, like??? In a really veiled and poetic message that didn’t outright say the word ‘delay’ like damn these ppl have a lot of time

As for SPL,

Lol we don’t know anything about this show. We don’t know if they took out or left in the Yifu part that would supposedly make it less gay or whatever, we don’t know anything about how gay it should have been or could have, so this one might be a tad more ridiculous. I mean none of us have seen any good leaks, and we haven’t seen any of the script, we got ZERO idea about this. Maybe they really went hard on the bromance, how would any of us know hahaha so all the more it’s like people have zero basis to go on, to say that it’s because of SHL. Seriously, everyone’s shooting in the dark.

Technically if laws didn’t change last Feb, I think SPL/WIK should have been passed in the same way as SHL did, but it’s just inopportune time for them.

===

- So tl:dr HYX already had tons of problems, that I doubt were going to go away just because SHL didn’t air, honestly. For SPL, it’s really hard to tell what failed the review, because none of us know what’s going on in the script.

No one cared about SHL, even I only realized the show was airing on the day itself and then made a rec post after I watched the first 4 eps. And if it truly was anything to do with SHL, I’m telling you that the first thing the censorship committee will do is basically shut SHL down, get Youku to take it off sites etc. until it’s reviewed again etc. etc. That hasn’t happened yet, at least not before HYX and SPL were stalled.

===

ALSO!! Don’t have to feel sorry for SHl fans hahaha I’m telling ya a lot of us definitely weren’t OG SHL or TYK fans, seriously! All the bigger accounts I see on Twitter are a combination of CQL/SHL or MXTX/SHL, SPL/SHL and I am personally 2HA/HYX/SHL. The fight is all out on Twitter HAHAHAHA but it’s not that bad, we’ve all got practice. Seriously WHO ACTUALLY is an SHL only stan I’ve honestly not seen much?! HAHAHA the point is we’re all yelling on behalf of SHL as a cross fandom fan, easier for us to do so as well. We’re talking about 2ha/HYX/SPL/Priest dedicated accounts that delved deep into SHL championing for no-nonsense in the space hahaha

[piteouspeculiarity]

Defining Home: Extended Author's Note

Warning: This might contain spoilers for the series

(For clarity, when I say 'Tommy' etc in this post, I'm talking about the characters from my fics, not the content creators themselves.)

So it's done, huh? This note will include the sappy shit, the fun facts, then some of the more serious stuff, because I just didn't want to add an essay to the end of that chapter.

First of all, thank you all for the support along the way. Defining Home is easily my most popular series of fics I’ve ever written and I’ve been writing fanfic for years now. The comments and the kudos and the bookmarks were so very validating when I was new to the fandom, and still are. Hell, people have gifted me fics and written related fics to Defining Home, which blows my tiny mind. I haven’t gotten the chance to read a lot of them yet (procrastination I know thy name), but when I do, I’ll be leaving my best comments in thanks <3

I'll be honest, when I posted the first chapter of Enough, I never expected it to turn into what it did.

That first chapter was written in my phone notes at 3am, hours before an exam. I hadn't interacted with the fandom at all at that point, didn't even have a Tumblr for it, but boy oh boy did I get a warm welcome.

The point is, that first chapter was a very spur in the moment thing, mainly consisting of one scene I couldn't get out of my head (Tommy on a train to Wilbur's). I've gotten a few people telling me since then that they wished that they could write as well as I can, which is a huge compliment, but every person can write a fic like Enough. There are things that we all struggle with when it comes to writing: dialogue, prose, starting scenes - I have my own things I struggle with, things you might have noticed, things you might have not. You don't have to be a perfect writer to tell a story, especially in fandoms, where betas are easy to come across.

Write your story, even if its just for yourself. Posting that chapter gave me the chance to make new friends and I'll never stop being grateful for that.

One of those friends is Kat, who I've mentioned a couple times in the author's notes, but who honestly, I owe a lot to. Kat has encouraged me and been one of the main motivators to write this fic when I felt like it would never be finished, or that I'd never live up to other people's expectations. Sometimes, that meant motivating in some weird ass ways, but hey, it worked.

People who know me in discord servers might know that I'm a simp for Kat and it's damn true. Kat, I love you, you've improved my life more than you know in the last couple months and you deserve so, so much happiness.

In fear of love reciprocation from Kat, we'll move swiftly on to the more fun side of things.

Anyone feel like fun facts? You might already know some of these because I tend to overshare in author's notes, but I'm pretty sure some of them are new to all of you.

Barney the dog? Named after my own late labrador, who I love very much and loved to jump in lakes and need rescuing, time and time again.

I had no plans in moving Tommy in with Techno, hell, I had no plans in Techno moving to England at all. It was as much of a surprise to me as it was to everyone else when he told Tommy the news, but I latched onto the idea and ran with it. I think it worked out okay, in the end.

Techno has a draw in his bedroom full of parenting books, most of which were stolen from Phil.

After Tommy asked for help about what to do with Dream, Wilbur sent Dream a dm telling him he better not fuck anything up and if he did, Wilbur would not hesitate to humiliate him in front of millions of people. It was unnecessary, of course, but Dream was definitely a bit more cautious about what he said when he listened to Tommy’s explanation.

Some of my favourite things about writing Defining Home:

The Tesco v Asda discourse. Look, some of you just need to accept that Asda is the superior shop and get off your Tesco stanning bullshit. /j

The offers I would get for new chapters, some honourable mentions being newborns, siblings, diamonds and kidneys.

Now, I know that as much as I tried to, I won't have managed to include everything that everyone wanted from Defining Home, whether that's certain confrontations or scenes, I am sorry if I haven't included.

I don't imagine myself writing any more in the series, not because I think there isn't more I could write about, but because as a whole it feels complete to me, and any added oneshots I write would disturb that.

Right now Defining Home feels well rounded in a way that I'm proud of. The minute I realised that Enough was going to turn into a series I planned out how I wanted it to work. Maybe its just the maths part of my brain, but I like how there's three fics, with three chapters in each and how Tommy heals as you progress throughout the series.

My aim for the series was for the tone to get lighter as you went through, because yes, things kept happening (confrontation with dad, beach incident etc) but the point was that Tommy dealt with those things in different ways that he would have earlier on in the series. I have lots of thoughts and lots of emotions about how he felt safe enough with his family to experience nightmares and such. I made an effort in The Truth Behind Family to include more fluff, especially in the last two chapters, because I think it’s important to show that yeah, his parents’ abuse effected him, but it didn’t dictate how he lived his life. 

Like yes, I could write about their first Christmas together, for example, and add it onto the series, but I don’t think that I’d be able to do the rest of the series justice in that. Defining Home is largely about what the title implies, Tommy discovering what words like ‘home’ and ‘family’ mean beyond what he’s been told he’s stuck with and I believe that by the end of the series, he’s been successful in that. 

I'm so proud of the characters I wrote, Tommy in particular, for how far they've come in Defining Home, but I think that in a way, it’s time for me to let them go.

That’s not to say I’m done with writing for sbi! Hell no! 

I have a couple long fics in the works and a one shot I’m working on. The main fic I’m excited to focus on now Defining Home is finished is heavy heart, heavy head, heavy hero which, to put it simply, is an sbi royalty au, where unfortunate circumstances mean Tommy is forced to become King. It’s going to be a little more plot focused than Defining Home was and I am so very pumped to give it my full attention instead of leaving that lonely one chapter on AO3 like I have been doing.

I was 🤏close to making a Discord server, but ultimately decided I’m much more suited to causing chaos on other people’s servers than running my own. I think at this point the karma would be too great to even consider making my own server, so if you’d like to talk to me on Discord, keep an eye for me on other people’s servers - I mainly lurk, but I’m pretty active on one or two :D

On a more serious note, Defining Home deals with some heavy topics and I’ve had comments tell me that they relate to Tommy’s situation and wish that they had their own found family to run to. 

This Tumblr post has a list of phone numbers and places you can contact if you need help or want someone to talk to. Saying that, I recognise that a list as long as that can be daunting, so feel free to shoot me a message and I can either help you find the right one for you, or keep you company for a bit if you need it. 

Not all of us are lucky enough to have our own found family, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t forever, or that you’re alone. My dms and ask box are always open if you want someone to talk to.

Keep yourselves safe <3

- Lee 

[bunnimew]

5 Times Pitch Used Terrible Pick Up Lines and the 1 Time It Kinda Worked

Fandom: Rise of the Guardians Pairing: Jack Frost/Pitch Black Tags: Fluff, Crack, Pick Up Lines, Post-Movie, 5+1, rating for themes, Pitch Black is a ridiculous man, Jack Frost you little shit Rating: T Words: 1884 Summary: Does what it says on the tin.

For RotG Bingo 2021: Terrible Pick-Up Lines On AO3 Here.

1

Jack hadn’t seen Pitch since the nightmares dragged him away.

The image was never far from his mind. The panic, the despair. And the children were so carefree now that Jack began to wonder if the Boogeyman would ever return.

Which is what made it such a shock when he finally heard that voice again, that silky smooth tone Jack thought locked away in his past, out of the literal darkness.

“If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.”

Jack gripped his staff on instinct and spun to face his opponent before he realized that wasn’t an insult at all.

That was a pick-up line.

Pitch Black had just laid a pick-up line on Jack. Frost. One of the Guardians.

What.

The shock was so complete that all the fight melted out of Jack and left him reeling in confusion. Pitch’s lines were meant to sting, right? They weren’t supposed to be–

“Did you just call me fine?” Jack had to ask. Just to make sure.

Pitch’s expression remained smooth and suave, but his body, what little of it was solid, began to waiver and… was the Nightmare King fidgeting?

“Of course, Jack,” he said. “Surely you know how appealing you are?”

Jack nodded. He did. He definitely did. “Surely you know how weird it is that you said it?”

Pitch tilted his chin up, straightening his spine and assuming a very carefully composed stance. He looked uncomfortable as fuck. “It’s not that strange, Jack. If you’ll recall, it’s not the first… offer I’ve made you.”

That was a fair point, and Jack almost gave it to him. “Taking over the world and taking me to bed aren’t exactly the same thing, Pitch.”

His eyes widened in feigned surprise. Pitch leaned forward just enough to make Jack feel his height, and then he said, “Aren’t they, though?”

He vanished into the dark before Jack could come up with a good reply.

2

“Kiss me if I'm wrong. But dinosaurs still exist, right?”

This time, Jack was less surprised. Surprised, yes, but Jack didn’t jump into a defensive stance or anything, which was good for his sense of pride.

Instead, he thought about what Pitch actually said. Dinosaurs did not exist, and that was one of the saddest facts Jack knew. “These are supposed to be Pick-Ups, not Put-Downs. What are you doing?”

Pitch didn’t miss a beat. He turned his head coyly to the side and made himself look very unassuming. “You know, I’m actually terrible at flirting. How about you try to pick me up instead?”

That was… a pretty good line, if Jack were honest. Unfortunately, fraternizing with the enemy was frowned upon in most establishments, and also Jack was not going to reward the Boogeyman for bad behavior. “I’m not falling for it.”

“Are you sure?” Pitch looked up, all innocence. “Maybe you should check again.”

Jack snorted a laugh. He knew Pitch was witty and all, but somehow the Guardian had thought it limited to nasty insults and setting traps. Speaking of…

He looked right into Pitch’s eyes when he said. “You’re wrong, but I’m not kissing you.”

Pitch’s lips twisted, but it looked more playful than aggrieved. “Well you’re no fun.”

3

Jack skated to the edge of the lake, the one he liked to think of as home, and tipped joyously over into the soft snowbank to rest. Figure eights were a lot of fun, but figure skating was a lot of work.

“We’re not socks, but I think we’d make a great pair.”

Jack almost jumped right back out into the lake and through the ice. Instead, he used his unwillfully gained momentum to turn and smack Pitch’s shoulder for scaring him. That was no way to woo a man.

“Antarctica hit you hard, didn’t it?” he accused.

Pitch did look off-put by that, but he didn’t leave so Jack figured he was over it enough. It was only fair, too, considering the whole Antarctica thing was largely Pitch’s doing.

Jack brushed off the snowflakes he’d thrown all over himself in his panic and settled down into the bank the way he’d meant to before Pitch so rudely interrupted. “You know, you’d get further if you stopped sneaking up on people.”

Pitch looked even more offended by that. “I am the Boogeyman!”

“Yeah, so?”

Pitch tossed his head. Dramatically. Jack hid his grin. “Sneaking up on people is what I do.”

“Sneaking up on targets is what you do,” Jack corrected mildly. He stuffed one arm under his head and made sure to have a good angle on Pitch’s face for what he said next. “Sneaking up on a pull is how you go to bed lonely.”

Pitch drew back in shock, and Jack loved to see it. His eyes were wide and everything.

Jack raised his eyebrows and said, “That is what you’re trying to do, isn’t it?”

Pitch sputtered. It was hilarious. He recovered quickly, and that was fun, too. “And who are you to give me dating advice?”

Jack shrugged. “Just the guy you’re trying to date.”

Pitch walked right into that one, and he clearly knew it by the way he kept his mouth shut and looked at everything that wasn’t Jack. Finally, he licked his lips and said, “Yes, well…”

“Well?” Jack prompted. He would have sworn Pitch’s high cheekbones were looking darker than usual.

“Have a nice night,” Pitch said in a rush of breath and vanished into the shadows from whence he came.

Jack grinned. He didn’t care if Pitch was actually still there and could see. “Oh, I’m sure I will.”

4

If Jack was the kind of person to compliment his arch nemesis, he would give him props for materializing slowly this time. Was Pitch trying to learn?

All the same, the Nightmare King stopped Jack in his tracks by blocking his way with a long gray arm and a beautiful purple rose.

“I just wanted to show this rose how beautiful you are.”

Gorgeous as the rose was, that line was transparent as hell. Jack dropped his shoulders and stared at Pitch, hoping his expression was as lame as that line.

To his credit, Pitch held his ground. His face was the picture of innocent interest, maybe even with a dash of hope.

As they watched each other, waiting to see who blinked first, Pitch’s arms slowly lifted to place the rose, de-thorned thankfully, over Jack’s ear.

...Well played.

Jack tried to maintain his stare, but it was hard to stay mad when he felt pretty. That didn’t mean Pitch’s line was working; it just meant Jack liked roses. Who didn’t like roses?

Jack gathered his wits and tried to look casual when he asked, “If that’s all you wanted, then I guess your job’s done here, isn’t it?”

Pitch didn’t look upset the way Jack thought he would. His eyes were roaming over Jack’s face and the flower tucked against it in distant admiration and Jack, for the first time, really started to think Pitch might mean something by these lines he was using.

“Yes, I suppose it is,” he said as if waking from a dream. This time, when Pitch melted into the dark, he sank slowly into the shadows and it didn’t feel anything like the running away it had every time previously.

He could have taken three times as long to leave and Jack still wouldn’t have found his tongue in time to reply.

5

This time, when Pitch appeared, Jack was reclining lazily up in a tree. Which Jack would have considered his home turf, except the way Pitch dripped out from the shadow of the branch above him to hang upside down, comfortable as any bat, made him feel at a distinct disadvantage.

It was creepy, but Jack could admit it was cool, too. Pitch had style.

Jack waited patiently for the line he knew was coming.

“I'd like to take you to the movies, but they don't let you bring in your own snacks.”

Jack snorted a laugh. He couldn’t help it. And yet, after all of this, Jack could admit to feeling flattered by it, too. A snack, huh?

“Why can’t you just tell me you like me and get it over with?”

Jack hadn’t realized any part of Pitch was moving until all of it, extended shadows and everything, came to a screeching halt. “Wha–” He stuttered, and it was music to Jack’s ears. “No, That’s–I don–”

The Boogeyman didn’t know how to handle it when he wasn’t in control, but rather than lash out the way Jack feared, the way he was used to, he flailed in embarrassment and conceded all ground to Jack. That, more than anything else, told Jack what he needed to know.

“Goodbye, Frost.” Pitch said with what little dignity he could muster, and dropped right into the ground.

+1

Pitch wasn’t even a surprise this time.

Jack was in the middle of a long brick walkway, icing up the ornate lamps and decorating the bare trees on either side with snow. There were plenty of shadows to pick from, but Pitch walked over from some distance away giving Jack more than enough warning to know he was there.

Jack was tempted to interrupt him. To see if he could wrongfoot him again, get Pitch to trip over his own words and obvious desires and flee.

It would be easy. Jack could think up dozens of ways to call Pitch out before he even spoke a word.

But then Jack wouldn’t get to hear him speak a word.

And he was curious what words Pitch might speak.

“Your eyes are bluer than the Atlantic ocean,” Pitch spoke softly, poetically. He must have practised to deliver the line this well. “And I don’t mind being lost at sea”

It was worth it, Jack thought: the practice and letting Pitch say it. That smooth tongue was meant for promises on the wind and romance in every word.

Jack stared for too long and only realized when Pitch’s eyes gleamed and he took another breath.

“I wish I were a tear,” he whispered as he moved closer. His cool fingers brushed gently along the side of Jack’s face and Jack felt no fear. Pitch was telling him just what he wanted, and Jack held all the power here. “...So I could start in your eyes,” Pitch said, “live on your face…” His fingers drifted down along Jack’s jaw. He knew what Pitch was going to say before he said it, “...and die on your lips.”

But it was so much better out loud, in Pitch’s voice, than in Jack’s head.

It was Antarctica all over again, but this time Pitch was offering something whose price wasn’t Jack’s soul. It was Antarctica all over again, and Pitch was brave to come back a second time, a third time, a sixth time to risk rejection and hurt and wounds reopened that maybe only just healed.

Jack watched Pitch glow in the moonlight. Watched him take a deep breath and open his lips to speak—

“You can stop now,” Jack said, and grabbed the back of Pitch’s neck to pull him in for a kiss.

Pitch’s lips tasted just as sweet as his lines.

[panharmonium]

you know what?

no.  absolutely not.

i already did part 1 of this post here.  i’m back again with part 2, because unfortunately the awfulness factor doesn’t stop with arthur, and as much as i adore hunith generally, this entire sequence is a MESS.

and yes, i am aware that pretty much nobody else thinks so.  every time i see this scene referenced in fandom, it is always framed as a fun, cutesy, sing-songy moment of “oooo, hunith ships merthur!”  literally every time.  

which, you know, like i always say about everything fandom-related - that’s fine.  everybody is going to enjoy things differently; you do you, and keep on having fun!  but here on my own blog, in my own space, i am gonna do me, and in this case ‘me’ involves yelling about how much i can’t stand that particular read, and how angry the end of 1.10 makes me.

disclaimer, to help folks curate their own fandom experiences: i am going to be Very Cranky for the rest of this post.  if you love this particular scene in the way i just mentioned, you will probably want to scroll on by, because this piece of meta most likely won’t be your jam.  as always, these are my personal thoughts and nobody is obligated to share them, so please do not hesitate to simply skip this post if we are on different wavelengths - instead, keep enjoying fandom in whatever way is most fun for you!

fair warning now given, off i go on a long, frustrated tirade.

i already wrote about the first half of this scene, where arthur decides that the appropriate thing to do at this particular moment is to give merlin a scolding about the evils of sorcery, despite the fact that the only reason arthur is even alive to deliver this lecture in the first place is because merlin’s ‘sorcerer’ best friend just DIED saving arthur’s life.  but sure, you know what, let’s use said best friend’s funeral to chastise merlin about how “dangerous” sorcerers are.  let’s just make that completely dickheaded decision.  

and, moving on to the second half of this scene - here’s the thing.  hunith overhears this entire conversation.  she overhears arthur telling merlin off about sorcery, in front of the burning corpse of merlin’s best friend, who is, as far as arthur knows, the ‘sorcerer’ who died saving arthur’s life.  

and yet, for some inexplicable reason, hunith still cannot get off the arthur pendragon train for two damn seconds.  

she has known arthur for less than a week.  by contrast, she has known will for his entire life.  but the instant arthur walks away, hunith sidles up next to merlin and says, “you’d better be going” - like.  okay, my god, can you try to hustle him away from his best friend’s in-progress funeral any faster?????  how about we maybe give him a second?  the pyre hasn’t even burnt down yet, and merlin hasn’t had a single second to himself since this sequence started.  he’s had to stand there and listen to arthur insult the dude who everyone is supposed to be memorializing, and then hunith - who overheard the entire thing - zips right over and tries to chivvy merlin on his way.  you’d better be going.

HELLO?!  the pyre is still roaring.  how about, instead of hassling merlin and hustling him offstage, everybody just sits down and waits for a minute.  how about they all just leave merlin alone for three everloving seconds.  

honestly, just - every time i think about this scene i get angrier.

i love hunith, and i know she’s well-intentioned.  but everything she gives merlin in this scene is the exact opposite of what he needs.  he doesn’t need to be hurried off the village green like there’s some reason he can’t stay there for the entirety of his friend’s funeral.  he doesn’t need to be pushed into going back to camelot when he is clearly struggling with the idea of leaving ealdor again.  and he absolutely does not need to be told how much someone else “needs” him right now, when he himself is the one who is having a fucking crisis and who needs someone to take care of him.

i cannot emphasize that last point enough.  it is just - beyond upsetting to me that hunith literally watches arthur shitting on merlin’s dead best friend (and, by proxy, merlin himself, since merlin is the actual sorcerer) and she still somehow thinks the right thing to do is walk over and start telling merlin how great arthur is and how arthur “needs” him and how merlin “belongs at arthur’s side.”  

i can’t stand that.  it makes me so angry.  it’s not right.  it’s not fair.  it’s damaging.  it’s the same shitty messaging that destroys merlin’s life in later seasons, this idea that he exists for someone else’s sake, the complete disregard for what he himself might want at any given moment, for what he himself might need, for the reservations he might have about this plan that other people have formulated for his life.

he is UNCOMFORTABLE when she says these things to him!  he doesn’t look at her; he shifts his gaze to arthur and the camelot squad with this grim, unconvinced expression on his face, and then he averts his eyes from her.

everything hunith tells merlin in this scene is the exact opposite of what he needs to hear.  he does not need someone to tell him how badly his services are “needed” by a man who hates the person merlin truly is, not when the only friend who ever accepted merlin’s true self has just been killed.  he does not need to be told that arthur, who is alive solely because will is dead and who only seconds ago expressed exactly zero gratitude for that sacrifice, is the person to whom merlin owes his undying loyalty.  he does not need to be shuffled off to camelot as quickly as possible, as if it would be better for him to just rush forward and forget what happened here, as if what happened here didn’t matter.  

because what happened here did matter, whether hunith and arthur find it convenient to acknowledge or not.  i have to lay this out again, because what happened to merlin in ealdor is so much more important than anybody ever seems to realize - and i do understand that, i really do (because yes, it was just one episode for us) - but we have to look at it from merlin’s perspective, not the audience’s.

will wasn’t ‘one episode’ for merlin.  

i can’t say this enough times.  i cannot say this loudly enough.

merlin, at the beginning of this show, has only ever had ONE FRIEND.

most of us can’t even imagine something like that.  

but try.  TRY.  

merlin has only ever had one friend.  he’s only ever had one friend to love him.  he only had one friend for the first two decades of his life.  he’s only been in camelot for a couple of months; he’s only known these camelot people for a couple of months, and they don’t know his real self anyhow.  and now his ONLY FRIEND, the person he’s known all his life, the only friend he ever had who knew him for who he truly was, was just violently cut down before his very eyes, whilst saving a guy who can legally have merlin murdered for just existing.  and even though merlin and will spend the entirety of 1.10 having a painful, complicated argument, will still uses his last moments on earth to tell the biggest fucking whopper of his life, in order to shield merlin from harm, taking all of the danger and infamy and condemnation upon himself.  he dies with a lie on his lips.  he dies with merlin’s hand in his hair.  

and all the while, merlin knows that this would not have happened if he had just been willing to use his magic in the first place, instead of letting his fear of discovery prompt him into allowing his neighbors to offer themselves up for the slaughter in his place.

the avalanching double-whammy of grief and guilt that merlin is suddenly slammed with at the end of this episode is almost incomprehensible in scale.

i’ve talked about this before, but again, i think it’s something we don’t generally remember: losing will is the first time merlin has ever experienced personal bereavement.  and he doesn’t get to start out with a warm-up; he goes straight to the big leagues.  this is not some trifling thing.  this is a total implosion of merlin’s world as he knows it.  

when we think about the mark this episode leaves on merlin’s life, i don’t think most of us consider the magnitude of this event deeply enough.  losing will in this way is not some one-off thing that merlin just...gets over.  this is the most earth-shattering thing that has ever happened to him, at this point in time.  it is still one of the worst things that has ever happened to him, period, even years later.  the guilt never goes away.  

and the thing that’s unique about this particular trauma is that merlin has to manage it alone.  there are other tragedies in his life where we witness him receiving support/comfort from others - freya, lancelot, balinor (though of course there are aspects to these miseries that merlin has to keep secret from other people, as well) - but with will, merlin has to do everything on his own.  he can’t get one single moment of peace at will’s funeral.  his own mother, the only person who knows what really happened, can’t help him without making everything about arthur.  and merlin can’t tell anyone else what happened, not the truth of it, because doing so would squander the gift he’s been given - will’s lie is still protecting him, years later, from arthur and morgana both.  

merlin, at the end of 1.10, is forced to navigate this grief completely alone, in the silent secrecy of his own heart.  arthur is actively making it worse.  hunith is out here singing arthur’s praises.  and will is just like - he’s suddenly not part of the conversation anymore.  he doesn’t even register on anyone’s radar.

it truly is...incredible, for me, to watch hunith overhear arthur being legitimately terrible to both merlin and the guy who just died saving merlin AND arthur’s lives, and then to see her come over and start talking about how merlin belongs at arthur’s side, how much merlin needs to be there for him, how they’re two sides of the same coin.  meanwhile, the guy who literally just lied his life away to protect merlin’s secret and who NEVER made merlin feel like he had to hide who he was and who never had any problem with magic in the first place and never made merlin feel unsafe and never treated merlin like he was less of a human being just for existing -

- he’s just burning to ash there, and hunith doesn’t even acknowledge that, despite the fact that merlin is so visibly, intently, single-mindedly focused on that funeral pyre, and so clearly in distress and in pain and NEEDING somebody.  all she can talk about is merlin’s responsibility to arthur.  

the dissonance here is baffling.  hunith has known will forever.  she met arthur less than a week ago.  she barely knows him, and what she does know is that he thinks magic-users are dangerous/evil.  she saw him being a dick to her kid.  she knows her son is having the worst day of his life.  and she still doesn’t offer a single comforting word in reference to the person who just died protecting merlin’s secret, instead choosing to wax poetic about a man whose bigotry is what merlin needed protecting from in the first place.

that...is a hot mess.  the merlin-hunith-will dynamic is one of the few things in this show that reflects less-than-stellarly on hunith’s character, however much i love her.  and even though it all stems from an overwhelming desire to keep her son safe, it doesn’t make her choices any less damaging.  she sends merlin away specifically because she finds out that will knows about his secret.  she spends 1.10 analyzing and encouraging and dissecting merlin’s relationship with arthur, when merlin’s relationship with will is the one that desperately needs attention.  she’s proven wrong about will’s trustworthiness in the most stunning, powerful way possible, and then she never even acknowledges him, instead choosing to laud the dude who literally forces merlin to live in fear of execution.

she’s merlin’s mother.  she’s the only person in his life who knows anything about what will actually meant to him.  she is his only possible resource as he tries to weather a kind of devastation that defies description.  

and she, like arthur, just barrels right on ahead and makes everything about someone else.

the cinematography choices in this scene matter.  whenever arthur or hunith tries to talk to merlin, the camera is placed on the opposite side of the fire from them, meaning the flames are always in the foreground of the frame.  they are something we are required to see and look past before we can get to anything else in the scene.  and in terms of directorial/acting decisions - merlin doesn’t take his eyes off the pyre until the end of his conversation with hunith.  not once while talking to arthur does he look away from it.

the funeral pyre is always in the foreground of the shot, because it’s in the forefront of merlin’s mind.  that is where his focus is right now.  that is what is taking up all of his attention.  that is what is edging into the frame, eating up our entire field of view.  that is what he needs help with.

but he doesn’t get any such support.  the entire sequence ends up revolving around arthur.  will’s entire funeral is about arthur fucking pendragon.  arthur inserts himself so he can talk to merlin about how evil magic is, and then hunith inserts herself so she can talk to merlin about how great arthur is.  nobody ever stops to think that maybe merlin doesn’t want to talk to anybody right this second.  merlin’s entire ‘farewell’ to the only true friend he ever had in his life is completely swallowed up by the prince of camelot, and if that isn’t a metaphor for the rest of merlin’s life, then i don’t know what is.  

i know nobody needs to hear this, because very few people are invested in this kid at the same level of embarrassing detail as me, but here it is, anyway.  

yes, will is prickly.  he’s hard to get on with.  he’s angry.  he’s bitter and snappy and uncharitable, sometimes.

but you know what?  he has every reason to be like that.  

this kid has nobody.  his own best friend’s mother - who has known him all his life - doesn’t trust him and doesn’t respect him.  she is too afraid for her own son’s safety to give will any credit.  she sends merlin away to camelot, the most violently anti-magic place in the world, because apparently, will knowing about merlin’s secret would be even more dangerous than uther pendragon’s genocidal reign.

think about how that would feel.  to hear something like that about yourself.  to be somebody who is already so goddamn alone in the world, and to have your only friend vanish without so much as a ‘see you later,’ and then to be made to feel, however indirectly, like this is somehow your fault, like you’re the liability, like you’re the untrustworthy element here.  as if you, somehow, are more dangerous than a king who literally pays to have sorcerers trafficked to him in cages.

will has every right to be upset, all the time.  he has every reason to be angry, and bitter, and hurt, all the time.  to be thought so poorly of - to be held in such low esteem - when he hasn’t done anything wrong, when he hasn’t ever done anything to earn that kind of mistrust - and to have that same misplaced suspicion used to justify separating him from the only person in the world who gives a damn about him - if it were me, i would be constantly on the verge of screaming, all the time.

will has always been on merlin’s side, and he has never done anything to endanger him, and in the end he gives up everything to make sure merlin can stay safe and hidden and unhunted.  he shouldn’t have needed to prove his goodness, his constancy, his worth; not when he’s already kept merlin’s secret for who knows how many years, but even after he does do so, it doesn’t even matter.  arthur acknowledges him only to disparage sorcery.  hunith passes him over completely in favor of praising arthur, with no acknowledgment of the misjudgment she made.

i have said before that merlin tends to befriend people who have nobody, people who’ve been left behind by the rest of the world, people who’ve been made to feel that they aren’t worthy of love.  and will, merlin’s oldest friend, was the first of those many characters, and it is so heartbreaking to me that in this instance, the same kind of disinterested and careless attitude towards his worth that dogged him all his life is perpetuated and affirmed after his death.  ‘people are used to ignoring him,’ merlin tells arthur, and merlin is right - even when will is dead and burning, arthur only sees sorcery.  hunith, who we would expect to be more sympathetic, only sees arthur.

merlin is the only one who knows better.  merlin has always known better, and he loves will so much, but he is the only one, apparently, and honestly, after will dies?  nobody else even tries to understand.

to sum up:

hunith and arthur, for all that i love them, are both way out of line at the end of this episode.  

the legacy of this experience, for merlin, is that he spends the rest of his life processing this particular trauma alone.  and that is why i always, always have to keep will and ealdor in the back of my mind when i write for merlin in any capacity - because this event isn’t some simple stumbling block for him; it changes him forever.  it teaches him what he can and can’t expect from the people around him, and it solidifies how irrelevant his own needs are when viewed in comparison with arthur’s, even to people who barely even KNOW arthur; people who are supposed to put merlin first over everything.  it teaches merlin to bury his sorrow, and to wrestle with personal suffering in secret, because if things aren’t ultimately about arthur, then they aren’t important enough to be granted any significant amount of time for merlin to deal with.  merlin’s own grief, even at his best friend’s funeral, takes too long to resolve.  arthur walks away from the pyre, and it’s time for merlin to leave, too.  you’d better be going.

bottom line: i don’t care if other people think this whole ‘ooo, everybody wants merlin to be with arthur’ thing is wonderful or beautiful or dreamily romantic.  it isn’t.  it’s ugly, and it’s cruel, and it stripped merlin of his present identity and his future potential, one stolen moment at a time.

[glassesandkim]

I would like to say my piece here about schmico, grey’s anatomy, and the fandom and it’s really for my own self-indulgence and benefit. I’m not asking for you to agree with me or even begin to understand what I’m going on about. I don’t even think half the things that I think about for this fandom exists on an important level. I fully believe in just ~vibin’~ to your own tune when it comes to participating in fandom spaces.

so this post is gonna be my way of getting stuff off my chest so i can continue to ~vibe~

First thing I’d like to address is: I know. I know the Nico Kim that I love and adore is not the Nico Kim in canon. He is who I hope he is in canon. But there’s not much to combat or support that he is or isn’t. He really could be who we’ve made up in fanon for him and at the same time, he really couldn’t. Grey’s created this character that is as blank as a dried piece of toast. So forgive me if I spread a bit of spicy jam here and there so I can swallow this bland shit down a little easier. 

So when people come to me to say, “Y’all are delulu and out of your mind to love this guy this much.” PLEASE, I know. This isn’t news, honey. I am well aware.

But I will continue to justify, romanticize, and put this boy on a pedestal for as long as his existence in canon continues to remain arbitrary and vague. And it makes me very biased to a fault but I have put too much time and energy into this character NOT to be. 

And then you might ask, why have I put so much of my time and life (THREE YEARS!!!! I’VE BEEN IN THIS FANDOM FOR THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!!!) into this character that has all but said maybe like a PAGE of dialogue at most? 

Because I was conned into it. Because they marketed the shit out of him when Alex Landi got the part. And I, as a casual viewer of Grey’s since I was in high school (I’m in my late 20s now, dawg) and of Asian descent was promised representation. Not just Asian rep, but queer rep. 

So naturally, I got extremely attached. It's not everyday a major Western mainstream prime time medical drama chooses to create a character as unique as Nico's. 

I spent so much time here. I was here when fandom decided Nico would call Levi “babe”. I was here when we all clowned that Nico didn’t know Levi’s first name. I was here when Josh died and the fandom went up in arms with pitchforks and stakes against Nico. I was here for all of it. I've seen it all. 

And unfortunately, seeing it all, makes me tired. Grey’s is time and time again proving to me that they don’t give a shit about the development and well-being of their existing characters at all. The show only cares about collecting diversity points and performing their wokeness to the general masses. (I talk a lot about how grey's is plot-driven vs. character-driven.) 

I will still get frustrated and annoyed at Nico’s lack of character development. But I mostly just laugh at the fandom nowadays. I know you guys want to fight the fight, tell everyone Nico is not toxic!!!!!! But bros, friends, lovers, it’s a tried and tired fight. 

Grey’s wants us to think Nico is a Bad Boyfriend. It’s as clear as the stench one comes across when they step on dog shit. That’s why I think it’s useless to fight people about Nico. Grey’s gets amnesia all the time. Grey’s forgot the whole season and half they invested in creating a loving boyfriend for Levi and up and changed Nico’s personality to fit a new narrative (that they, quite frankly, failed to even follow through because of covid and other filming hoopla hula hoops they’ve had to jump through that I’ve been informed of and which I simply don’t care for). 

So all this ~schmico is endgame!!! we deserve it!!!~ Binches, I have better things to fight for than schmico endgame. What’s the alternative? Levi lives in Jo’s closet forever? They’re going to be together in the end no matter what. Nobody on that show cares enough about Nico OR Levi to set up new relationships and stories for them. So don’t fret, my friends. They’ll be together in the end. It just comes down to the question of what stupid story they’re going to come up with for them to be together. (And might I argue that they already are together???) 

Speaking of the bogus story they’re going to write for schmico: you bet my rice eating, Chinese-speaking ass, that it’s not going to be a story written from a queer and poc perspective. It’s going to be some gag-worthy straight het story but made gay. (How many times do I have to hear, "I hope Nico comes out to his parents!!" NO, HE DOESN'T! Do you know how VIOLENT coming out is sometimes?? It's not a solution to Nico's problems with Levi. It's an introduction and invitation to problems over being queer -- but why would I expect anyone, let alone Grey's, to understand that prepetuating these types of stories is inherently damaging to queer people? They wouldn't know. The cishet fandom wouldn't know. Because no one is writing grey's in a queer, poc centric way.)

Which drives me to the next point: you know why Nico doesn’t get character development even though he showed up at the same time as Link? Because of ✨racism ✨. Because Link is a more conventional character (read: white) that is easier to write because nobody on this show knows how to write an Asian character anymore, let alone a gay Asian character. So of course, nobody wants to touch that shit even with a pogo stick. (Argue with me that Cristina exists and I will tell you, yes she did, but they RARELY touched upon her cultural and ethnic background. Also it was the early 2000s. Cristina was as ground breaking as it got for us Asians back then.)

And then because Nico isn’t developed enough, we have the weird phenomenon of people shipping everyone and their dog with Levi and it’s like, y’all know you got played by the racism game, right? You are hostages to this system that has taught you that white men are more desirable and deserving of story and humanity than a poc character who is instead, reduced to nothing but sex appeal and if he’s not doing well on that front, then he’s useless.

How many times does Levi say: Nico is so hot! Sex with Nico is so good! He’s a roman statue!

All!! the!! time!! Nico's worth to Levi’s character is to be the sex object that Sets Him Free. 

Which plays into the sexualization of Asian people which all comes from, you guessed it! Racism! (Levi really compared Nico to a fucking lifeless slab of stone.)

(Side note: I do think talking about how racism plays into Nico’s character and the fandom space is important and probably a separate post. I’m happy to write my opinion piece on it if it’s something people want.) 

But anyway, those are just some of my qualms with schmico, grey’s anatomy, and the fandom. I do not expect anyone to fully agree with me and I’m not asking the fandom to change or apologize or whatever. I’m just already grateful if you took the time to even read this post. 

I’ll leave with some parting advice: fandom is what you make of it. We won’t all agree with everyone’s hot takes, but that’s the beauty of it, yeah? So I chose to create this version of Nico Kim that brings me IMMENSE joy. Like, A LOT!!! I love this fandom for these reasons. I’m grateful everyday for the friends I’ve made and the works and creations I’ve created and I’m honoured to be able to consume other works made by fellow fans. 

I might hate a lot of things about grey’s and schmico, but I really owe a lot of myself to this fandom. 

[dotnscal]

BAD THINGS HAPPEN FILL - TAKING THE BLAME

this is my first ever fill for @badthingshappenbingo ! the prompt was obi wan + taking the blame -- it sort of ended up being very oddly cody centric, but i still hope you enjoy!! also send more prompts (characters or ships!) they’re fun!!!

fandom: the clone wars, prequel trilogy

featuring: cody, obi-wan, and a bit of anakin

words: 2.9k

“Cody breaks the news about casualties to General Skywalker. Obi-Wan steps in.”

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29349840

OR READ IT HERE! :

disclaimers: i know NOTHING about war and it shows. no idea how battle strategy works so if you know anything about that... close your eyes for that part.

anakin might be ooc. he has issues and in this case they come from a good place but they’re just... misdirected

have fun reading! send me prompts!!

also if you want to read with italics and fun formatting please read on ao3. it is 1:23 am and i want to post this but i have class at 10 and no energy to add italics into this </3 sorry i love you </333

Cody takes a deep breath, straightens his posture, and reaches forward to turn on the holo.

Almost immediately, blue light flickers to life in front of him, casting the inside of the empty command tent in its glow. It might have been enjoyable to look at—far more enjoyable than the mud and dirt Cody’s been dealing with for the better part of two weeks now, at least—but what takes up his attention are the two figures now projected before him, one with arms crossed over his chest, the other standing at attention a step behind and to the left.

“General,” Cody greets, the eyes under his bucket glancing from one figure to the other. “Captain.”

Under more relaxed circumstances, he might’ve risked using the name of the man he’s known since birth, the brother he’s fought beside for some time, now—but these aren’t relaxed circumstances, and Cody’s better than most at sticking to formality.

“Commander,” General Skywalker greets, the corners of his lips turned down in noticeable wariness. If only he knew. “You have a report for us?”

Right to business. It’s necessary, in a campaign like this, but that doesn’t make it any easier to brace himself for what he’s about to disclose, or for how he knows Skywalker will react. He takes a moment to breathe in the safety of his bucket, the solitude of the command tent, before he nods an affirmative.

“Yes, sir.” Get it out, Cody, just get it out. “We managed to take the hilltop about two standard hours ago, and the Separatist forces have been drawn back to a new front. However, we… encountered strong resistance, and we suffered severe casualties as a result.”

It was already silent, but now, tension seeps into the air. Behind Skywalker, Rex shifts almost imperceptibly— imperceptible to anyone who wasn’t a brother, maybe, who didn’t know him so well, but Cody sees it, and he, too, braces himself.

Skywalker doesn’t miss a beat, frown deepning. “How severe?”

It’s moments like these that Cody is beyond glad for his bucket. “Severe, sir,” Cody repeats, unwilling or unable to say much beyond that. He hasn’t even written the formal report yet, the casualty forms and the requisition requests for the new shinies—he’s just coordinated the digging of the graves, the making of the memorials. “It wasn’t—”

“Commander,” Skywalker interrupts, a certain intensity to his eyes that Cody’s seen only a few times. It still makes him feel breathless, and not in a good way. “I want a number.”

A number. Cody has the numbers in his head, has already committed them to memory, but speaking them aloud…

“Fifty-three confirmed, sir,” he says, as evenly as he can manage to. “One hundred thirteen unaccounted for.” Idly, Cody remembers that he’ll need to start organizing the search effort for the bodies, once the burials are done—if they’ll even have time for a search effort before their next deployment, but Cody hopes they will, hopes they’ll be able to find and bury each brother properly—

“How many from the 501st?” Skywalker’s voice is curt, and Cody sighs a silent sigh.

This had been his worry, at the outset of this campaign. With their own numbers down, the GAR had approved the 212th to temporarily borrow some of the 501st’s men—men who were now dead, who had died away from the brothers that meant the most to them.

Kriff it all.

“Twenty-nine confirmed,” Cody managed, ignoring how dry his mouth, his throat, felt. “Seventy-two unaccounted for.”

Something changes in Skywalker’s expression. A flicker of something Cody’s only seen once or twice shines in his eyes, in the sudden stiffness to his body. The first time he’d seen it, he’d quietly patched into Rex’s HUD channel, asked if there was something that he needed to know about the General, if Rex needed transfer forms—but he’d been promised that everything was alright, that whatever was going on with Skywalker, it wasn’t being taken out on Rex.

Unfortunately, it looked like the time had come for it to be taken out on Cody.

“Commander.” Deep breaths, Kote. Skywalker stands stiff as a tower, arms crossed firmly over his chest, lips almost in a scowl as he stares at Cody as though he’s nothing at all. “Do you want to tell me why my men are dead?”

It comes from a good place. Cody knows this. Skywalker cares for his men, the same as Kenobi does. Rex has told him as much, and any man in the 501st would promise the same. Only he cares for them differently, and it’s a difference that Cody isn’t used to, no matter how hard he tries to catch up. Kenobi cares for his men, does all he can to protect them—and Skywalker does all he can to hurt whoever’s hurt them.

In Skywalker’s mind, behind the anger Cody can feel even through the holo, Cody is the one who’s hurt them. Forget the clankers—Cody might as well have been the one to take a blaster to them, for all it matters to Skywalker.

He takes another deep breath.

“I’m sorry, sir.” Start with the condolences. It makes things easier when he has to give this news to Kenobi, and Cody hopes it’ll do the same job now that he’s breaking it to Skywalker. “As I said, we were facing heavy opposition. There was artillery positioned at the top of the hill while we were attempting to take it.” Cody forces himself through the words he’s rehearsed, the words he’s carefully chosen and prepared, but Skywalker’s expression doesn’t change one bit. “We had planned a flanked approach, but found that it wasn’t suited to the terrain, and I decided—"

“Forgive my commander, Anakin.”

A voice, melodic and smooth, speaks from behind Cody, and he might’ve jumped, alarmed at how easily Kenobi’s entrance slipped under his radar, were he not so utterly focused on trying to minimize Skywalker’s anger.

Obi-Wan steps forward, standing now at Cody’s side, and Cody’s grateful for his bucket again as he gives the Jedi a bewildered glance.

“And forgive me for my tardiness. I’m afraid I was held up, helping with the wounded.”

Tardiness. Cody blinks. Kenobi’s not late to this meeting.

Kenobi wasn’t invited to this meeting. Nor was he supposed to know about it until after the fact.

It hadn’t been a deliberate exclusion on Cody’s part. But Obi-Wan was taking their losses hard enough already, and Cody was convinced that the last thing he needed was to be met with anger from the one person who meant more to him than anything else in the world. It was an easy conclusion to reach—Cody would take care of it, bear the brunt of Skywalker’s anger, and inform Kenobi after the fact. It was, after all, just another duty.

Now, though… despite how careful he’d been to keep Kenobi out of this conversation, Cody can’t help but be selfishly, horribly relieved that he’s here now.

“Obi-Wan,” Skywalker greets tersely, Rex giving a nod from behind him. His posture hasn’t lost any of its stiffness, but the curve of his lips is somewhat less severe. Kenobi nods at each of them in turn, and Cody stands dumbly at his side.

“As I was saying,” Kenobi picks up, smooth and calm and polished, ever the negotiator, “you’ll have to forgive my commander. I’m afraid that we’ve seen quite a lot of action in the past few days, and he may have forgotten some of the details of our campaign.”

Cody hasn’t forgotten shit. Somehow, he gets the distinct impression that Obi-Wan is fully aware of this—but he doesn’t challenge his General on his words, instead remaining cautiously silent, waiting to see where he’s planning to take this conversation, while Skywalker casts a wary glance Cody’s way.

It’s better than the glares he’d gotten before, at least.

“I believe Cody was detailing our efforts to recover the hilltop from Separatist occupation,” Kenobi begins crisply, pausing for a moment to wait for Skywalker’s nod before he continues. “As he mentioned, the terrain complicated our initial plans of a multifaceted approach. Due to this and many other complications, I made the decision to utilize a forward charge.”

For one long, long moment, Cody is utterly thoughtless, struggling to process what Obi-Wan’s just said, what he’s just done.

After another moment, he has the sense of mind to brace himself, to prepare for the full extent of Skywalker’s upset, to hear whatever harsh criticism and rebukes he has to offer.

Nothing comes. Instead, Obi-Wan clears his throat.

“At the moment, it was the only maneuver available to us.” Cody dares to look up, dares to take in the way Skywalker’s expression has softened just barely, the way even Rex, stiff and still, seems slightly surprised for Kenobi’s words to not have been met with an outburst. “I deeply regret each and every life that it cost, but I assure you and your captain that your men died as heroes, fighting alongside their brothers, and that the others and I will do all we can to ensure that they are treated as such.”

Another beat of silence. Cody watches Skywalker’s throat bob as he swallows, and then watches as he nods just once. He still doesn’t speak.

“I’ll be able to discuss the matter in more detail later,” Kenobi promises, and Skywalker deflates a little bit more at that, some more of that stiffness fading away. Silently, Cody marvels at how the hell his general is accomplishing all this. “Until then, though, my commander and I have some more business to see to. I trust that you understand, Anakin.”

“I understand,” Skywalker repeats, his gaze wary but not overly hostile as he looks over at Obi-Wan. He glances at Cody for a moment, expression hardening just so—but when he looks to Kenobi again, the hardness melts away once more, leaving just a solemnity that still feels out of place on Skywalker’s face. “I’ll talk to you later, Obi-Wan.”

Skywalker turns, gives a nod, and behind him, Rex moves to a panel, presses a button. The holo in front of Cody flickers out a moment later, Rex and his general just gone, just like that, and Cody finds himself staring at the space their blue projections previously occupied.

What the hell had just happened?

Beside him, Kenobi sighs, lifts a hand—then rests it on Cody’s shoulder, just for a moment, over his armor as though to console him, before letting it drop and stepping away, and finally, finally, Cody snaps out of it enough to find words.

“General—” Kenobi’s already moving to slip out of the tent, but he pauses at Cody’s voice, leaving Cody to tense up, realizing at once that he hadn’t actually planned what he was going to say.

“Wait.”

He hates how foolish his own voice sounds, so uncoordinated and unlike himself. Kenobi turns, but his brow is furrowed with that concerned look he wears more often than not, and he blinks at his commander as though nothing at all had just happened.

“Is everything alright, Cody?”

Again, Cody feels himself grasping for words, struggling to speak what he feels. In the end, he goes for simplicity.

“You didn’t have to do that, sir.”

Kenobi raises an infuriating brow, his expression the picture of innocence. “Do what, exactly?”

Cody’s confused, and his heart is still beating too fast, and all of it makes him far less careful about what he says, more willing to speak freely in the way Obi-Wan always insists he feel free to do. He swallows.

“Lie, sir,” he replies, somehow feeling a need for breath. “It wasn’t your decision to attempt that charge. It was mine.”

He’d been the one to first bring up the idea, huddled with the General and five other men behind an outcropping, knee-deep in mud with blaster fire ringing in his ears. He’d suggested it, trying desperately to find a way out of their current predicament. It had been his plan.

Obi-Wan’s expression softens, just for a beat, and he steps forward. “You may not see it that way, Commander,” he says softly, too softly, just soft enough for something in Cody’s chest to twist, “but I do.”

Cody’s at a loss for words again, but he can tell that if he doesn’t say something, Kenobi will turn to leave once more—so, desperate, he says the first thing that comes to mind.

“But I brought it up, sir.” He’s not usually so insistent in any matter, and certainly not in front of his general, but there’s something in the other man’s eyes that makes Cody’s throat feel thick with the need to speak, to say something to take away the distance in his gaze. “It was my suggestion. I made the plan. It’s—” A heartbeat, loud and clear in his chest. “It’s not your fault.”

Fault. It’s the trickiest part about war. Cody likes to think he’s come to terms with the fact that no matter what choices he makes, no matter how many hours he spends poring over strategy, his men, his brothers, are going to die. It’s what they were made to do, and he grew up knowing it—though that doesn’t make it any easier to face, any easier to silence the what ifs that come at night, all the ways things might’ve been different, the ways he might’ve saved just one more brother—

But Kenobi. Kenobi takes it harder than Cody’s ever seen, and now, it seems, is no different.

He almost flinches at Cody’s words, and the commander sucks in a breath at the sight, at the flash of vivid hurt he sees on Obi-Wan’s face before he quickly recovers, before he covers it up again. One deep breath, and it’s like Cody never said anything at all, Kenobi’s face returning to a practiced, careful calm.

“I appreciate your sentiment, Commander,” he begins, voice still quiet and distant in a way that grips Cody’s heart. “Truly, I do.” Cody doesn’t doubt it, not when he can see the sad sincerity in Kenobi’s eyes—but there’s more coming, and Cody braces himself.

“However,” Kenobi says, swallowing again, almost imperceptibly. “I’m afraid that I was the one to give the order to initiate that charge. I believe that makes me far more culpable than you.”

Cody blinks, unbelieving, because Kenobi can’t be serious about this—but kriff, that look is still in his eyes, shining blue-grey and looking right into Cody’s heart.

“General.” Cody puts the same intensity behind the word as he might’ve if he were admonishing him for escaping medbay again, or trying to evade the medics. “It was my plan.” At a loss, he shakes his head again, staring at the other and imploring him to feel his sincerity even through the bucket, to see the truth of the matter as it stares at both of them. “If anyone is to blame, sir, it’s me, not you, and—” He swallows hard. “General Skywalker should know that.”

For one brief, fleeting moment, Obi-Wan smiles—a sad smile, with none of his usual lightness. Somehow, it’s worse than the sad look he’d been wearing before. “It was my order, Commander,” he says faintly, meeting Cody’s gaze head-on. “And it is my responsibility to accept the consequences.”

Cody stares, baffled—accept what consequences? General Skywalker’s anger, or the burden of requisition forms, or the guilt, the kind that’ll suffocate you at night—before he can manage to respond.

“But sir,” he insists, that boldness from before back, boldness that he would never dare to utilize were it not for stakes like these, for something as important as his general is to him. “General Skywalker—”

Again, Obi-Wan smiles sadly, giving just one mild shake of his head to cut Cody off—and again, a careful hand raises to rest on his shoulders.

“Better that he’s mildly upset with me than putting an undue burden on you,” Obi-Wan says gently, with a ghost of that mirth he usually carries so effortlessly. It fades after a moment, just as his hand falls away from Cody’s shoulder, and Obi-Wan replaces it with solemnness. “I’ll deal with him,” he promises. “And I’ll see that your brothers are taken care of.”

His words strike something deep in Cody’s heart, something he hadn’t known was there. He knows, of course, what Obbi-Wan means—the burials, the recovery efforts, the wounded, all of it. He’s done as much before, has always cared for his men deeply enough to help with that sort of thing, but now—now, it’s so much more, and Cody doesn’t know what to say.

“General,” he says, something in his tone pleading, hoping that Obi-Wan will hear him, will break free of whatever burden he’s placed on himself, or at least let Cody carry it with him—

But Obi-Wan’s eyes only sadden further, and he bows his head just so, taking a step back.

“I’m sorry, Commander.” Another step away, and Cody’s words burn at his throat, the urge to tell him not to go, to wipe away all of his doubts, all of the blame he carries, to tell him that there’s nothing to be sorry for, it’s not his fault—

Obi-Wan manages a weak echo of a smile, meeting his gaze one last time. “I’ll do better, next time.”

A promise—a promise that he doesn’t need to make, something Cody already knows, deep down in his chest, but before he can tell him that, his general’s gone. The tent’s entrance flap swings slightly in the wind, and Cody stands, alone and with a soreness in his heart that hurts more than he can explain.

[off-in-the-moors]

Joseph Kavinsky analysis, part 1

aka how did I get here and why is he the reason

Warnings: spoilers for the whole Raven Cycle, mentions of: drug-use, abuse, death, murder, homophobic slurs, xenophobia

Part 1 // Part 2

After finishing The Raven Cycle and analyzing every chapter, character and the overarching plot with my friend, we were left feeling empty. It's been few months, I kept looking-up more TRC related things, other people's opinions, look through fandom content and even read some post from the author's, now deleted, tumblr account, trying to find answers to why I'm feeling like this. Why the books seem to decline for me in quality as I kept reading? Why I can't see Ronan in the same light as the rest of the fandom? Why I couldn't like the author? And the answer was looking me in the eyes the whole time.

"Depending on where you began the story, it was about Joseph Kavinsky."

I loved his character from the moment we met him in The Dream Thieves and still think about him to this day. But why? In a way, Kavinsky is too familiar to me, from his attitude, through appearance to his voice. It’s like I knew him, and this isn’t surprising. I met/saw Kavinskys on the streets, I know Kavinskys, and I was a Kavinsky once in my life. Although I'm the opposed to him, I still sympathies with him and understand how it feels to be in dark places in your life. And I'm not the only one, many people adore him and don't deny his actions to be terrible. But on the other side, the majority of fans hates him and titles him "the worst/most evil antagonist of the series". But why? What about K makes him so polarizing? The simple answer is: the way he was presented and the function he played in the plot. Even then, K's whole arc in TDT was handled horribly and damaged the way readers will view, not only people like K but also themselves. This and also future posts, I’ll be analyzing everything relied to K, including his treatment after book's release by the author and what some deleted scenes and unused ending can shine on.

This is part 1 of a series of posts to come.

This part is about the narrative and characters views of Kavinsky.

Narrative and characters

Narrative is a powerful tool of telling a story, well crafted and coupled with character's internal-voice makes the reader view the story under different light. In a PoV of one character, one thing might bring-up different emotions and ideas, than the others. Exploring relationships and events differ, because everybody experience it differently. But problem begins when the narrative forces a reader to a opinion, without backing it up with reasons or giving a opposing one. In case of Joseph Kavinsky, before we properly meet him, we are told by the characters to hate him and the narrative backs them up in reasons to hate him. All the reasons given to us at that time, boil down to "I heard a rumor."

Gansey hates him, because "There was nothing about Kavinsky that wasn’t despicable" and "he thinks life is a music video". He doesn't want Ronan to associated with him, which is connected with him covering and getting Ronan's ass for the mess he made, having him project his anger and frustration he has with Ronan on to K, who part-takes in the same activities and probably with Ronan, is understandable. But I didn't expect much from a guy who: payed the school officials so they won't kick Ronan out; insulted Adam and throw Adam’s abuse at his face, just to instant of apologizing to him, make a pity party for himself (also having Adam apologies to Gansey for his rightful outburst isn't okay), is fine with having a romantic relationship with Blue while she's still with Adam, hurting him even further but makes it all about himself, etc. Him hating K, just because of his lifestyle, made sense. But were the line was crossed, was when he started to decide on other people's worth. Lines like "we matter" (on which I'll extend later in the post) or "Ronan is fixable and has a soul [Kavinsky doesn't]", were used not only to show what Gansey himself thinks of K (he isn't a human being to him), but also demonize K and make the reader not consider him an equal to the Gangsey (a teenage).

Blue hates him, because he's yet another Raven Boy. Her hatred comes mostly from her distance for them, rich boys with privilege to which Gansey gang is an exception (although two out of four are exactly the kind she hates, and she told Noah directly she wouldn't be friends with him if he was alive) (There can be made a whole post about Blue's hypocrites regarding Raven Boys, but this isn't it). She also talks about how she doesn't feel comfortable around K and "if she couldn’t forgive Kavinsky for always managing to make her feel so insignificant", which makes sense. But while describing him, she calls him "a import from somewhere else", not only lessening him as a person but also making a xenophobic comment, noting his long nose as one of the factors (you could say, she meant him being from New Jersey, but you don't "import" stuff from inside a country, you only "import" from abroad and K is Bulgarian, doesn't matter if he's an immigrant or just has Bulgarian roots). Later, while discussing what to do with K draining the ley lines, Greyman offers to talk to him, to which Blue asks him "can you make him feel worthless while you do?”. Yes, she asked a hit-man, who killed not only Niall Lynch but also multiple people (including three on pages, which was described in the case of the ones breaking into Montmouth) for money. (Yes, fans say it's fine he murdered Niall, because he was a dick and horrible father, but what we forget is that it wasn't a fast death. It was slow and brutal, having him bludgeoned to send a message to Declan. No "he was a weapon in Greenmatle's hand" can excuse it.). Plus, he beat-up and threatened Declan with a gun if he doesn't give him the Greywaren. "Making him feel worthless" can only mean the worst. Kavinsky was a asshole, but he didn't deserved that. Also Blue gives the idea to give Kavisnky to the Greyman instant of Ronan, which was shot down, but not because it's horrible, inhuman and they can't decide on someone else's life, but because they think Greenmantle's people will come back also for Ronan. They were ok, with K being basically a scapegoat so Ronan will live.

Adam just "hates that prick" and "looked at the table with a studied disinterest" when K approached their table at Nino's, those are his only interaction in anything Kavinsky related (In a part regarding the "original" ending, we'll see it wasn't always the case.).

Noah barely exists in the series after The Raven Boys and never comes in contact with K or gives any opinion on him, outside of "ducked his head down into his shoulders, but couldn't take his eyes off the newcomer".

Ronan's relation with K could be its own post all together and there already are some good post about it, but for this one, I'll only mention few things. He gives us a very "I hate him but I'm into this lifestyle" attitude. He races against K but doesn't want to have anything to do with him or he's "dogs". (Yes, Dream Packs canon name is "Kavinsky's pack of dogs" as Ronan calls them. Ironically, Ronan gets angry then Declan and K called him "Gansey's dog" but is fine when Gansey calls him "his dog".) He never thanked or acknowledged K saved his life from the Night Horror. He accepted K's help in dreaming-up the new Pig but afterwords ditches him without even a slit gratefulness (his motivation being remembering Gansey's words), and mocks that K thought there could be anything between them (friendship or relationship, it dependents how you interpret it), turning this into just using K to get what he wanted. And yes, what K did while Ronan slept (tracing Ronan's back tattoo with his finger) was unacceptable, if it really happened and wasn't just phantom-touch while falling asleep (if it was real, it can be interpreted as K acting out of his internalized homophobia, letting himself a moment of “curiosity”, but it still wouldn't make it fine).

Ronan and K insult one-another multiple times through-out the story but the difference is quite showing. K's insults are mostly homophobic, calling Ronan a "fag" or implying Ronan and Gansey are together. This is a typical teenage insults, but are also showing of K's internalized homophobia if viewed through "Don’t say Dick Gansey, man. Do not say it. He is never going to be with you. And don’t me tell you don’t swing that way, man. I’m in your head." and "It's a bomb. Just like you." scenes.

But Ronan, excepting the typical insults like "ball-sack", goes after who K is. "Bulgarian mobster Jersey trash piece of shit" or "Russian" (to the latter, K responded "Hey now, let's not make this ugly") are personal, referring not only to from where K's from, implying he's a mobster like his father and just calling him "a waste". Unfortunately, K's whole character is already one big stereotype of Slavs as viewed not only by Americans. But insulting someone for being "Bulgarian", something they had no control over, is xenophobic. (And for "Russian", as a Slav myself, let me tell you. Calling a non-Russian Slav "Russian" is a quick way to get on their bad side.) And if you're like "Ronan isn't xenophobic, because he's Irish" or "Maggie isn't xenophobic, because Ronan...", you have no idea how things work in Europe. This is the same argument as "He can't be racist, because he's black". TRC fandom is always ready to bring-up all K's sins and even enlarge them, but when in comes to Ronan, all his sins are either forgotten or excused.

One more thing I want to touch on is one of K's parties. After Monmouth got broken into by people looking for Greywaren (which Greyman broke into first), Gansey thinks it must be Kavinsky's doing, because of the fake ID left in front of the door. Him and Ronan go to K's party, he tells them, it's a substance party and asks where are theirs. As an answer, Ronan hits him in the face and throws through a car, just to show him his blooded knuckles with "This is your substance.". The rest is Gansey and Ronan not believing K, that he didn't trash their place, and a "different Gansey" throwing a Molotov cocktail at K's car. After that, they leave. But one thing isn't sitting right with me. The "This is your substance" is a beloved, may I say iconic, scene that is glorified by fans and cited as this "Ronan is so cool and K soo deserved it" thing.

Here's the thing. K is in full right. It's his party, on his rules. Gansey and Ronan just came from nowhere, probably for the first time, so the rule is stated for them. And Ronan's response? Physically assault K. Even if he's angry about the apartment, still he shouldn't just assault him. And Gansey does nothing. And one more thing: K never hits Ronan back. Not in next chapters, not at the end. Never.

Before the chapter ends, we get probably my most hated line from this book:

"Closing his eyes, Gansey leaned his head back on his seat, chin tilted up, throat green in the dash lights. There was still an unsafe sort of smile about his mouth — what a torment the possibility in that smile was — and he said, “There was never a time when that could’ve been you and me. You know the difference between us and Kavinsky? We matter."

We matter. And he doesn't. I could talk about this line and how damaging it is to people who see themselves in Kavinsky, but instant I'll say, why I hate it.

I have anxiety mixed with being introverted and back-in-the-day I felt isolated from my classmates, desperate for friends but only had toxic ones who dropped me so the popular girls would talk with them, just to be friends with me again after some time, bullied to the point of breaking multiple times, and hating myself for not fitting in, unable to connected with my peers in anyway. The line "we matter" echos my worst fear and thoughts from that time. "Everyone matter, you don't". I was too young to even have those thoughts, but they were always there. In the back of my head, like a recurring nightmare.

Just the idea, someone can say with confidence that someone, anyone, doesn't matter, makes me sick. No one has the inside to what's going on in someones life, to what thought are plaguing their head. Everyone's life matter and to say something like this in a book targeted to 12-18 year olds, who are at there most vulnerable stage, is not only irresponsible but enraging. Gansey is saying this about a guy his age, who is drug-addicted and self-destructive, because he doesn't like him and wants Ronan to stay away from. No one calls him out on it. Not Ronan, not the narrative. Nothing.

Until the kidnapping of Matthew and the paradox/question "did the tattoo tracing scene happened?", Kavinsky did nothing to earn hatred from the reader. He was living his life, being a stupid, reckless teenage boy with a power to get everything he wanted. Ask yourself a question: "If you had the power to pulled anything* from your dreams, wouldn't you go crazy with it? Maybe in a very selfish way?"

*  Throughout TRC and CDtH, we see no limit to what a dreamer can pull-out. From a pen or working car, living creatures (animals, copies of real people or purely made-up) to abstract things, like a word with power to animate the dead or an apocalypses.

Yes, K's dreaming drained the ley lines, causing Cabeswater to disappear. But did K knew about it? He knew that he needed to wait for it to recharge before dreaming more things and he did just that. The over-draining was cause by preparations for this Fourth of July party (dreaming many copies of his Mitsubishi) but same did Ronan’s dreaming (but Cabeswater acts as weird gatekeeper, so Ronan seems to be forgiven). But did he knew about Cabeswater? Or furthermore, Glendower? We can't confirm or deny it, but considering K isn't from Henrietta and probably is there only for school, he's there for about 2 years. Would he be interested in some random forest or some Welsh King, which just idea of him being in America is so far fetched to believe in?

No. All he was interested it, was parting and wasting himself away.

We don't get any other or opposing opinions on Kavinsky, only the ones given by Gangsey. They are the outsiders looking in, not having any inside, just rumors and their shallow observations/interactions. But we don't even get any "inside", not from other Raven Boys or even the Dream Pack (who are barely characters). After K's death, the only thing we get is Gangsey's not caring or being glad K's gone. Aglionby is silent and Henrietta, doesn't even acknowledge Fourth of July's Party even happened (but to be honest, the town feels like a theater stage than a living place). The only mentions about K that gives some idea someone noticed anything, was his name alongside Whelk’s and Dittley's in the newspaper at the end of BLLB (but this plot point is never mentioned again).