#And thinking about how I always put myself down on having seemingly never done anything by the end of the year

[chronicsheepdrawing]

Thoughts on this year.

[propertyofkylar]

science lesson - m!kylar x gn!pc

you've never seen a penis in person before, and your best friend kylar helps you out with that :)

It was a normal day and you were laying on Kylar’s bed while he messed around on his computer. What he did with all those monitors, you never were sure.

You were flipping through some manga he had pulled off a shelf (you had picked one for yourself at random but when Kylar saw it, he ran and snatched it out of your hands, his face bright red, mumbling something about how this one would be better).

But the words on the pages weren’t registering because there was something else that was heavily weighing on your mind.

“Hey, Kylar?” You spoke hesitantly, but your best friend immediately spun around in his chair the moment he heard your voice. “Can I ask you something?”

Kylar swallowed audibly, but you weren’t sure why. “U-um. I mean, of course. You can always ask me anything!”

You sighed, setting the book down and sitting up. “Well…” you chewed on your bottom lip, trying to figure out how to phrase it. “You know…you know how in science class, Sirris always shows those videos and diagrams and stuff?”

Kylar looked slightly confused, but nodded nonetheless.

“It’s just that, um,” now you were the one gulping. You steeled yourself before continuing. “I dunno if I’m doing a good job in that class and I thought maybe…maybe it’s because I don’t know what it’s actually like.”

Kylar frowned a little before his eyebrows shot all the way up. “Do you mean…” he seemed at a loss for words.

Feeling your face flush, you turned away from him. “I thought maybe you could help me with some, um, practical experience.”

In response, Kylar sucked in a breath so quickly that it sent him into a coughing fit. Once it was over, his own face was bright red. He looked really nervous, but awkwardly stood up from his chair and came to sit next to you.

“You mean you want me to…” he trailed off again, seemingly unable to put his thoughts into words.

Fearing you would lose your confidence any moment, you quickly nodded.

“Can you please show me your…p-penis?” You stumbled over the words. Kylar looked like he was about to pass out and for a moment, you really thought he was going to. You placed a hand on his shoulder and he looked at you before he tugged his pants down.

The sight of the huge bulge in his underwear made you a little breathless. But you only saw it for a moment because Kylar quickly pulled his underwear off in the next instant.

You were immediately mesmerized as you watched his thick cock spring out, already hard, the tip slapping against the sweatshirt he still had on. “Wow,” you whispered without even thinking. Kylar was blushing harder than you’d ever seen, but was unable to speak. He just stared intensely at you.

Scooting even closer, you leaned in to get a good look at it. “Are they always this big?”

“U-um,” Kylar rubbed a hand across his face. “I don’t think so. I think mine is just, uh, extra big. Or at least that’s what I’ve seen in the locker room…”

“Wow,” you said again, reaching out a hand but stopping yourself. “Can I touch it?”

“Yes!” Kylar blurted out, before visibly shrinking back. “I mean, uh. Y-yeah. Only if you want to.”

Nodding, you reached your hand back out and tentatively stroked his shaft. “It’s a lot warmer than I thought. And it’s really hard.” Experimentally, you wrapped a fist around it, and Kylar yelped.

You drew back like it had burned you. “What? I’m sorry! Did I hurt you?”

“N-no!” Kylar quickly said. “I just didn’t expect that.”

The two of you looked at each other and Kylar drew in a shaky breath as he reached out to hold your hand, guiding it back to his cock. “If you go gently it, um. It feels good…” he mumbled, slowly moving your hand up and down. He shivered.

“Oh,” you said, beginning to forget why you had asked to do this and only thinking about how you wanted to feel him more and more. “Have you done this before? Like with…”

“No! No way,” Kylar said quickly. “Just myself. And,” he blushes even harder and looked away. “I’ve seen it in porn and stuff too.”

You nodded and waited for Kylar to look at you again. “Can I keep going?”

Kylar whimpered and squirmed. “Please,” he whispered.

You felt a little embarrassed especially never having done this before, but you figured it would be mean if you stopped now. And Kylar was being really kind and really brave showing you his dick, so you knew you couldn’t stop. So, you began stroking him again, without his guidance.

He let out another whine and you hesitated, but the look in his eyes made you keep going. “Oh my god,” he mumbled. Kylar looked happier than you’d ever seen him before.

You shifted positions so you could bring your head even closer to his lap, studying his cock up close. It felt warm in your hand, and you admired the veins bulging on the sides, the flushed red head and what you remembered from science class to be precum beading at the tip.

You didn’t even think twice before you leaned in and licked it off. It tasted weird, but not awful.

Kylar gasped when you did that. “W-why?”

Honestly, you didn’t even know yourself. So you just shrugged and licked it again. Kylar moaned and a hand grasped your hair. “Please don’t stop,” he whispered.

You didn’t. You even tried wrapping your mouth around the massive thing, but found you could barely get past the tip. That, plus as soon as you did, Kylar thrust into your mouth, making you gag.

“Sorry! I’m so sorry!” He said quickly. “I didn’t mean to! It wasn’t on purpose! It just…happened.”

“It’s okay,” you smiled up at him. Kylar looked like he was about to cry. You set back to stroking him and occasionally licking and sucking.

Kylar started muttering incomprehensibly. “You’re so nice. You’re the best. I love you. I love you so, so, so much.”

But you barely could hear him. You were too busy studying your newfound favorite thing. You memorized the taste of his skin, the heft of his shaft, the feeling of it pulse in your hands. It kept twitching and eventually, the twitches became more frequent.

“Oh my god,” Kylar moaned. “I…I’m gonna…c-cum.”

You watched in amazement as thick ropes of cum spurted out, landing on your hands, your face and even some in your hair. Kylar’s eyes were squeezed shut and he was panting heavily, but as soon as his eyes reopened he had a look of terror on his face. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to get it everywhere. Let me grab a tissue.”

Luckily, Kylar happened to have a box of tissues right next to his bed, sitting atop his nightstand next to a bottle of lotion and a framed photo of the two of you.

After you got cleaned up, you smiled at Kylar. “Thanks,” you said. “That was fun. And educational!”

“…yeah,” Kylar said. He looked like he wanted to say more, but hesitated. You put a hand on his still bare thigh and encouraged him. “Um. I-I think it’s not fair if I’m the only one who gets to feel good.”

You cocked your head, confused. He inhaled before continuing. “I mean, it’s only fair if I get to do the same to you now, right?”

Your throat went dry as you realized what he was asking. He frowned a little in response, his confidence growing. “You got to see me naked. So I get to see you now. Right?”

It was hard to argue with that. So you nodded, and Kylar beamed as he pushed you down onto the bed.

It was definitely a very educational experience.

[writeawaythepain]

That Funny Feeling

Jimmy Solidarity x (gn!reader)

…Hey! I’m not dead! And I finally have the urge to write again! Hope you enjoy my spiral into a new fandom!

tw: self-deprecating thoughts, angst (don’t worry there’s a fluff at the end)

Word count: 1.7k

Prompts:

“You are worthy of love and friends and respect.”

"why do you care!" "because i’m in love with you!"

Summary:

You walk in on Jimmy having beef with a fence post, and though you're not really surprised, you wonder if he’s dealing with more pain than just that of his injured foot. Includes you giving the poor guy a much needed hug, and a slip-up that lets him in on how much you really care about him.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

You don’t think you’ve ever really seen Jimmy upset…not really. He never minded being the butt of any joke, laughing along at any jab or insult. He didn’t mind if people made fun of him as long as it made someone laugh at the end. He was selfless like that. You were always a little bit jealous of his resilience, and maybe that’s why you always thought of him as almost…invincible.

So, when one day you came to check up on how the Sheriff’s new building was going, you were surprised to see that barely any progress had been done. It actually…seemed like he’d torn parts of it down. You approached slowly, taking in the half done walls and foundation, a door frame without a door, and started to look for him. 

Before you can even call out to him, though, you see the back of a familiar blonde cowboy. A cowboy who was seemingly talking to himself. “No- come on Jim! You know you can do better at this- you just gotta… just gotta…” He stops, clenching his fists and yelling out in frustration. “It’s not that hard!” He emphasizes the last word by kicking a rickety fence post, but it must have been sturdier than he expected because he instantly flinched back, grabbing his foot and crying out in pain.

The whole sight was almost cartoonish, with him wearing his cowboy hat and boots, so you couldn’t help but snicker even as you reached out your hand in concern. “Oh my god Jimmy, are you ok?” You can’t stop the smile that spreads on your face, but it wavers slightly as you approach him and notice…are those tears in his eyes? He quickly wipes his face, replacing his frustrated look with an excited smile. 

“Oh hi! I didn’t even see you there! Me and this fence post are having beef, actually- See, it won’t do what I tell it to, and make my stuff look good so I was reminding ‘em who's in charge round here!” He laughs a little as he says it, his smile so bright you're inclined to believe him…it wasn’t quite reaching his eyes though, and you still wonder if the kick hurt him more than he was letting on.

“Yea, you really showed him!” You try to mirror his energy, shaking off some of your worries as he replies in his usual chipper tone.

“Yea I did!” He laughs but then slightly turns away from you. “Listen uh…you know I always love having you around. You’re welcome anytime! But uh…I really have a- a thing I gotta do and…” Your smile drops as you see him wince a little as he puts his weight on the foot he ‘beat up’ the fence post with.

“Hey Jimmy, is your foot ok?” You walk up to him, concerned. “Maybe you should sit down-“

“Nah I’m fine…probably anyway.” He laughs like it’s a joke, but when you look at him you're not smiling.

“You're limping. You might not have broken anything but- here, sit down.” You gently put your hand on his shoulder.

“It’s really nothing, I’m just being an idiot...” He moves away from your touch, shaking it off and puffing up his chest a little. He tries to shoot you a smile again, but it did little to aid your concerns.

“Just, let me take a look at it? Maybe I can help-“ You start, a little frustrated at his stubbornness.

“But I don’t need help! I can take care of it myself! I just- I just stubbed my toe. I’ll be fine!” You sigh, giving him a weird look, but deciding not to push it.

“…why were you beefing with the fence post anyway…did it kill your grandma?” You joke, hoping to fix the awkward air that had somehow come between the two of you. It’s weird, you’d never felt awkward talking with him before.

Instead of responding, Jimmy just turned towards his half finished building. And stood there. After a while he finally spoke. “Listen I’m, kinda busy right now. Maybe you can come back another time?” …Alright that’s it-

“Ok Jimmy, what is up with you? I came here to see your build, which looks less finished than when I saw it days ago may I add, and instead I see you kicking a fence post, getting defensive when I try to help, and now you don’t even laugh at my Trolls joke? …ok maybe it's an old meme but still-“ You chuckle, still kind of hoping he’d just turn around and start acting normal again. You’ve never seen him act like this before.

All he did was stand there…and as the silence grew longer you couldn’t help but start to get worried. “Gosh…I really am useless.” He finally says.

You almost roll your eyes, “Your not useless Jim-“ 

“Yes- yes I am!” He says it so firmly you freeze. You’ve never heard him raise his voice like that before. 

“I can’t build, I can’t fight, I can’t even be the guy who smiles all the time! I’m- I’m basically worthl-“ He stops himself. “…and I don’t know why I’m telling you this- I’m sorry.“ You're so surprised by his words you don’t even know what to say. “I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just-“ He takes his hat off of his head and grips it in his hands. “It’s so stupid- I’m so stupid. It shouldn’t be this hard for me to just-“ His grip on the hat tightens.

“…Jimmy, you are not worthless. You don’t have to smile all the time to be the brightest ray of sunshine I know. You could probably make me see the silver lining of getting stabbed for god's sake-“ You almost laugh at your own words, hoping it would get through to him. “You are worthy of love and friends and respect. And I’m sorry I don’t tell you that enough.” You walk up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He slowly spins around, but doesn’t meet your eyes.

“I’m just being a baby-”

“No, no you're not. It’s ok to- to feel bad sometimes.” You interrupt gently before he can insult himself again.

“Why- why do you even care?” His voice wavers, and now you can see the tears streaming out of his eyes. 

“Because I love you…you idiot.” Jimmy freezes, and even you are a little surprised at your own words, but it’s true. “People care about you- I care about you! I don't care that you can’t build giant castles or fight dragons, or that you get mad or sad sometimes-“ Your rambling a bit, trying to recover from the bombshell you just dropped. Jimmy was just staring at you, eyes wide. 

“…you…love me? Like…love, love me?!” He says slowly, not really paying attention to anything else you said after.

“I- this is probably not the best time to just- but, yea. I really do.” You can’t help but look down as you admit it, and when you look back up at him he’s crying all over again. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-“

He steps forward and wraps you in a hug, sobbing into your shoulder. You hug him back, rubbing his back and giving him some words of encouragement. Slowly his sobs get quieter, and eventually he pulls away from the hug.

“Um…” He sniffs. “I know I probably look like a mess right now-“

“Just a little.” You tease gently, wiping a stray tear off of his face.

“Right- but um…I love you too. Just so you know.” He avoids your eyes as he says it, then looks directly into them, gauging your reaction, as if to ensure this wasn’t all a joke.

“Like…?” You start.

“Yea…like that.” He gently bumps his forehead against yours, his regular confident smile returning to his face. “I cannot believe you fell for my Sheriff rizz.” You laugh, shaking your head.

“Don’t- don’t say rizz-” You try to suppress a giggle, pretending to be upset. “Great, now you ruined the moment.”

His bravado instantly drops, “Wait. No wait I didn’t mean to-” You shut him up by yanking his neckerchief and planting a kiss on his cheek. “To…to…” His face slowly reddens as his brain catches up to his speeding heart.

“Fixed it.” You say simply, chuckling softly as your Sheriff still reboots. “I think I’m the one with the rizz~” You laugh.

“Yea, no I see how that ruins the moment.” You laugh even harder at his reaction, and he can’t help but join in. After a few moments, you end up gazing into his bright hazel eyes.

“You know you can always talk to me when you're feeling upset.” You say seriously, taking one of his hands with both of your own. “Don’t just…no one should be alone when they're feeling like that.”

“...I know…You're right, as always.” He smiles appreciatively, grabbing one of your hands with his free one. You both stand there, swaying your interlocked hands gently back and forth, just enjoying the other's company.

“You know, when you're feeling up to it, why don’t I help you finish this…” You look over the half finished building, realizing you had no idea what it was actually supposed to be.

“Barn. It’s – ” he sighs, as if even bringing it up makes him feel tired all over again, “ – ‘supposed to be a barn.” 

“Barn! Right, and we could even ask Joel to help.” His eyes widen.

“No! You can’t tell him- Oh my god I’d never hear the end of it!” You laugh at the urgency in his voice.

“Ok! Ok. It’ll just be me. I’ll help you…” You let go of his hands and instead interlock your fingers behind his neck. “It’ll be our little secret.” He gazes into your eyes with a look only comparable to a lovesick puppy.

“Gosh I really wanna kiss you right now-” He lets out with a whisper, and then it’s your turn to get a little flustered.

“Well…then kiss me cowboy.” You lean in and he meets you halfway, and the kiss is just as sweet as the blonde Sheriff you share it with.

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[moonstruckme]

feels odd being a marauder fan asking for tasm Peter content but i couldnt help myself <//3 if ur still taking requests id love to see ur take on Peter and the art students meet cute (or not so cute meeting) I always wondered how two vastly different people would even meet lol

Thanks for requesting gorgeous!

cw: mention of animal cruelty (not present in the story)

tasm!Peter Parker x artist!reader ♡ 831 words

Peter wonders if he should put on his mask. 

He’s not really sure what the protocol is for non-mutant criminal activity that makes its way into his daily life. But he’d only been trying to lock up the lab for the night, and there you are, spray painting all over the glass panes dividing the workspaces. 

“Hey!” He decides to forgo the mask when you direct your can scary close to a container of samples. “Don’t do that, you’ll ruin them.” 

You turn slowly, tense all over. It’s a look Peter’s not unfamiliar with; fight and flight are warring in your nervous system. You’ve been caught. 

“No one’s still supposed to be here,” you say, voice muffled slightly by the painter’s mask covering your nose and mouth. 

A laugh bubbles out of him. “Oh, my bad. Sorry—actually, since I’m clearly the one breaking the rules, I’ll just go.” 

You remain frozen in place, seemingly waiting to see if he’s actually joking or not. Peter’s not sure what to do. He can’t just…let you continue to destroy the lab, but calling the cops has never been his MO. He crosses his arms and leans back against a table, doing his best to look in control. 

“What are you even doing?” he asks. 

“It’s…” You look around you as if you’d forgotten, to the glass now dripping gorily with red paint. “It’s about animal cruelty. It’s a protest. Do you have any idea,” you say, your voice picking up conviction as you speak, “how many animals die in these labs every day?” 

Peter blinks. “Not really.” It feels shitty to say, but it’s not like he’s around for every class and project that happens here every day; something like that would be impossible to keep track of. 

Your eyes flash. “Too many.”

“So, what?” He looks around, at the red dribbling down the glass panes—blood, that’s what it is—and your paint-spritzed overalls. “You make some maintenance worker have to clean this up tomorrow morning, and then the science department will decide to stop?” 

Your eyebrows bunch. You hadn’t thought of that. “I just want to bring attention to it,” you say. “I’ll come back and clean up if I need to, but I just—I think it’s important that people see it. That they can’t just keep ignoring it.” 

Peter frowns, bending to pick up one of the paint canisters stacked neatly by a backpack. He gives it a little shake, and this one’s still full, the pile it came from larger than the matching one of used-up cans by your feet. Your eyes track his movements, too smart to try and take it from him but attentive nonetheless. You’re watching him with this flaming intensity. There’s something quietly passionate about you, like you’re burning with an energy that would be almost frightening if it didn’t seem so heartfelt. 

“You realize there’s cameras all over this place, right?” he asks. “You could get kicked out of school. This is vandalism.” 

You don’t flinch. “It’s uncommissioned public art.” 

“You think they’ll see it that way?” 

You sigh heavily, and Peter wishes he could see what was going on behind that mask so he’d know what you were thinking. Thankfully for him, your eyes are expressive enough. They narrow as you cross your arms, jutting out a hip. 

“So what, are you going to go and tell someone?” 

Peter sizes you up. He can relate to feeling like you need to work outside of the system to get something done. To being sick of going to the proper authorities after being told too many times that while they really do care, they won’t do anything about it.

“How about this,” he says. “You let me stay here and make sure you don’t damage any of the equipment, and I won’t rat you out.” He might even scrub the camera footage once you go. But he’s still figuring you out, so he doesn’t want to make promises. 

“Deal,” you say immediately. If you’re surprised at his bargain, you don’t show it, only shaking the paint canister in your hand and starting to spray another layer of paint onto the glass. Your brows pinch slightly as you work, evidence of an assiduous concentration Peter is familiar with. 

He makes himself comfy in a rolling chair, sitting back to watch you work. “We actually do some really important stuff here, you know.” 

“I’m sure you do,” you say without pausing. “It’s not like I blame everyone you personally. I get that the research helps people, but, I mean, at what cost?” 

Peter shrugs. It’s a good point. “True. It’s a lot worse for animals in the big labs. We’re small-scale because we’re funded by the school, and we’re also responsible for reporting to the higher-ups.” 

“I know.” Your eyes flit to him, less wary than before. “But I don’t have access to one of the big labs. Change has to start somewhere, right?” 

You can certainly agree on that. 

[girls-alias]

Mental - Dean Winchester

Title: Mental - Dean Winchester

Words: 1,169

Relations: Dean Winchester X Reader

TW: Mental health, mental breakdown, SH.

Prompt:

Saw a TikTok edit of Dean and it inspired me.

I excused myself from the table as I hurried to stand. I didn't look at Sam and Dean before I left the room. I was slightly hyperventilating but once I rushed to my room I couldn't breathe. I practically threw myself into the back of the door. Needing it closed and need privacy. I slid down the door trying to control my breathing, to bring air into my lungs but the panic attack didn't end.

How could Dean like me? I'm a mess, I'm crazy.

Nothing has even gone wrong and I'm still miserable. I should be happy, it's a day off, and I should be enjoying quiet time with Sam and Dean.

Dean doesn't like me. He just confessed it to find a way to let me down slowly.

I shouldn't have told him about my crush, I should have just hidden it like I have done all year.

He is so out of your league. He'd never like you. Remember when he would check out other girls, he doesn't like you,

Oh, my God. I'm an idiot.

My mouth was dry from breathing so heavily, I wanted to gulp to try and gain some control over my own body but it wasn't working. My vision seemed to be clouded by dark spots. I knew there was only one way to gain some control but I cried as I thought about it.

I feel like my only solution right now is to self-harm, I need to get control of myself. I'm acting manic. I have been clean for 78 days. I'm doing so well. I can't break that now. It took me years to get that far.

I cried as I crawled to my display knife that sat on my desk. It was a real knife, sharp enough to cut paper easily but it was only ever decorative. I pulled it from the stand. Resting my back against the drawers I brought my knees up close to my chest. I put my arm facing me in the divet between my legs. The tears evacuated my eyes as if an alarm was ringing.

"Y/N," Dean's voice called through the shut door, worry lacing his tone. "Are you okay?" He asked, worry more evident. I slowly put the knife down not wanting him to hear it. I cleared my throat softly.

"Yeah, why?" I asked but instantly winced as I knew I would never normally say that and Dean might recognise that.

"You just ran off," He explained not seeming to hear my error.

"Yeah, I just needed the bathroom," I lied. I waited anxiously in those few seconds it took Dean to reply. The door isn't locked, I hadn't thought of that. I gulped watching the handle afraid in case he came in and saw me. I don't want to think of how upset Dean might be.

"Oh, are you sure you're okay? You sound a little weird," He explained, his voice a little cheerier but suspicious.

"Gee, thanks Dean," I played it off. Smiling as Dean chuckled seemingly happy with my response.

"Okay, well come back when you're done," Dean explained, I listened to his steps as he walked away. I sighed with relief and sorrow. My tears quickly resuming. A part of me wanted him to come in, to save me but I was too scared to say anything.

I buried my hand into my sleeve, bringing it to my mouth to quietly sob into it. I screamed as the door swung open forcefully. I looked up to see Dean had burst into my door, eyes on me instantly. He looked completely startled, maybe even scared. I didn't have time to compose myself before Dean was crouching beside me. He held my hand, sneaking a glance at my wrist before his eyes dived deep into mine.

"What's going on?" He asked softly. I sighed, not caring to try and compose myself. I look like a mess anyway.

"You shouldn't have lied to me. You should have just turned me down," I sobbed as he moved closer, His hand on the back of my head bringing me closer to him so I could cry onto his chest, comforting me as he stroked my hair.

"I didn't lie to you, baby," He's never used a pet name for me before. He's just feeling sorry for me. "I do like you, I've always liked you. From the second you walked out the room when we first met I told Sam, I wanted you," He explained but I shook my head as I sobbed.

"You're just saying that because I did this," I stated as I lifted my arm.

"No, baby. No, I've liked you from the second I met you. I was too scared to say anything because I didn't think you'd like me," He explained as he hugged me a little tighter. "I want to be yours," He added. I sobbed, sitting up as I shook my head to look at him.

"You're too hot for me," I exclaimed but Dean shook his head. I could almost see hearts in his eyes as he looked at me.

"I want to be yours," He repeated. My eyebrows furrowed as I looked at him.

"I'm emotionally unstable," I argued but he smiled softly.

"I want to be yours," He repeated once again. I shook my head.

"Dean, -"

"I want to be yours," He interrupted. He placed his hand on my cheek, his eyes peering into my soul. Like earlier, all the air seemed to leave my lungs but this time I knew it was coming back. "I want to be yours," Dean commented before leaning in to connect our lips. My brain frazzled as I realised Dean was kissing me, we'd never kissed before. This is a bit far if he was lying. He has to be telling the truth. I should believe him.

I kissed him back, my hand coming up to the back of his neck as our lips moved in sync. His tongue graced my bottom lip. I allowed his access as our tongues met in the middle, dancing around each other. I could taste his morning coffee. He smiled against my lips as he continued to kiss me. I melted into his arms.

He slowly pulled away. I couldn't stop the smile on my face from spreading as I saw the joy on his face.

"Come on, we'll get you cleaned up and I'll take you on the date I've been planning all day," He explained cheerfully. I chuckled softly as he stood up. I tried my tears, looking up to see Dean offering to help me up. I smiled as I accepted his hand, and he pulled me to my feet. He took the opportunity to kiss me again. A shorter but passionate kiss. "I want you to wear something cute," He explained playfully as he led me to the bathroom. I smiled knowing now that Dean likes me and I am enough for him.

Masterlist

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[bellsluck]

☆ about me ☆

hii, i’m bells!

thought it was about time i made an introduction.

i’m 21, a capricorn sun, leo moon, cancer rising (astrology freak), my ethnicity is a little complicated but i’ll put it as half british and half portuguese. i can speak english and portuguese fluently and have a half-decent grasp of spanish. i’ve lived in the uk for most of my life. sexuality: no labels.

i’d say i’m new to tumblr as this is the first time in my life i’m actually using it regularly, i think I’ve got the hang of it now. i feel so at home on here and i love having new mutuals hehe. feel free to message about literally anything (save me from the “singles in your area looking for-” dms, i beg).

☆ interests ☆

i love writing and reading, fanfic, music and film, generally just immersing myself in other worlds tbh. kisses to pinterest, ao3 and wattpad. tumblr now too i guess.

seemingly never ending harry potter obsession. marauders era, hogwarts legacy era, etc. slytherin girly. i was part of hptok at its peak in like 2020/2021, my page was basically dedicated to it. it was so much fun.

also star wars, specifically the hayden christensen trilogy, but i love the ogs too and i thinkmy favourite spin-offs are the mandalorian and obi-wan kenobi. if i ever get married it will be at lake como, idc how many times it's been done. i was at one of the filming locations last summer (theed palace) and almost crying like a little biatch.

i like video games too (mostly play on switch), but i’m very picky when it comes to finding ones i actually like, then I will rack up hours on it like there's no tomorrow… we love hyperfixation over here. love love love stardew valley, animal crossing and games along those lines but atm i’ve been doing my rounds on the resident evil games (re2 og, re4 remake, re6, down bad for leon kennedy) and also hogwarts legacy, i’ve finished most of it, i just have to complete my field guide now (desperately want to replay for the sebastian quests, also the new mod stuff is so cool!).

music wise, i listen to lots of different stuff, constantly go through phases, but for my all timers, aka can quote their discography from start to finish, i’d probably say lana del rey, radiohead, the weeknd and nirvana. recently it’s been lots of david bowie, queen, beabadoobee, portishead, fleetwood mac, the beatles… i could go on.

always open to recommendations for songs, playlists, films, series, games, books, fanfics, or anything, i love it all.

☆ onto the topic of shifting... ☆

i am happy to announce i am free from the shackles of “shift-tok”. if yk, yk. 

i’ll take this as a chance to ask nicely for any antis to please, please, not interact from here on out. thank you.

so, i initially found out about shifting on hptok 2020 (huge surprise ik) and so obviously i wanted to go to hogwarts. like??

needless to say i got caught up in all the tiktok misinformation, blatant lies, complicated asf methods, self explanatory. sorry younger-me. i could explain more but all in all i was too impatient and clueless, didn't really know what i was doing at all, eventually got bored, busy with school, and assumed everyone was lying (a few were, it seems).

 i completely forgot about it all after that until i came across a shifting post on reddit a few weeks ago. my tiktok fyp started filling with shifting/manifestation videos too right after. i was coincidentally in between a rewatch of the harry potter films at this point too. you know where this is going. i started seeing tiktoks from smaller creators just answering people’s questions about shifting, and it was all so different from all the stuff i’d heard years ago, spoken about in a completely different way, which just made so much sense to me and was so intriguing. i decided to delve into it all once again. it was those same creators who also would mention tumblr, and i, who had just joined tumblr for writing related stuff not long ago, decided to start searching up things related to shifting.

 i eventually came across some great accounts and information, stories of experiences, motivation, help. i started reading “journeys out of the body” by robert monroe too, so interesting, btw, and have since began my own shifting/exploring consciousness journey (i try to be careful what words i use for things, for lots of reasons, and i understand everyone might use different terms, reminder that i haven’t been on here for that long). it’s been amazing so far. 

(i may have straight up searched shifting realities on google the other day. curiosity got the best of me. it was bad. don’t do it.)

to not mislead anyone, no, i haven’t actually had a full experience in my specific “dr” yet. however it’s only been a small amount of time and i’ve already had lots of different types of sensations and experiences that i’ve never had before and it’s all so beautiful and interesting to me. i definitely view things a lot differently than i did before. i have shiftblr to thank for it.

i adore finding new shifter blogs and reading everything on them, so if i’m giving stalker behaviour it just means i’m loving your stuff or you're all over my feed. 

idk what i’m even going to post about yet, if or when i do. maybe i’ll write a bit into my “journey” so far, any experiences or how and what i do to get into certain states, about my dr, or stuff i’m just nerdy about in general. 

fyi just because i write does not mean i will always use any grammatical skills at all when writing for blog. sorry ;)

if you ever have any questions i’ll love you forever i will answer as best as i can.

this wasn’t all that exciting but i just wanted a little intro because i’m always blank on my socials. 

 thanks for reading !!

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[stabbyfoxandrew]

hii aerie!! how are you? i'm treating myself to some gummy bears in your honor and sending you chocolates in my heart :D

i am incredibly intrigued by andrew's recently-acquired umbrella, but also by the upcoming conversation with kevjerejean, so can i request my usual dealer's choice between Angel Neil, Mafia Front, and Arsonist Neil? i just love all of these aus, i can't chooseeee

i hope you have a great day too!! <33

WIP Wednesday (2/12) | Arsonist Neil / Firefighter Andrew AU (Part 280)

"Well, Kevin and I are well versed in that if you'd like to try it," Jean says. His tone is somewhere between serious and playful, but Jeremy's expression twists into a sad one. "What? I've never been the waterboard-er before."

"You're not missing out on much," Kevin says. Then Jeremy coos at him. He's like some sort of therapy dog or something. But he's not sure which of his boyfriends he needs to comfort so his head is on a swivel, looking back and forth between them.

Andrew looks down into his soup to get away from Jeremy's dilemma. It really is his favorite, a tragedy since Jean makes it so infrequently. It doesn't look that special. It has ham and beans and... assorted vegetables. Andrew doesn't even know what it's called. Maybe Jean made it up. Andrew really should get the recipe from him, so he can have another night of narrating his attempts at cooking to 10. Oh. They could video chat about it and everything. Andrew would never deign to ask for the recipe. Though he might snoop around and steal it or something.

"Fine," Jean sighs. "You're right. No torture in the apartment. But that means you won't get the man's name."

Kevin laughs. "It's okay."

"What about a photo?" Jeremy foolishly asks.

"I don't have any."

"Liar." Kevin says after staring Andrew down for a good twenty seconds. "Why don't you want us to know anything about him?"

"Is he hideous? Is that it? You're embarrassed of him?" Jean asks, seemingly delighted.

"He's not ugly." Andrew grits out. It would be a crime against humanity for anyone to think Neil was.

"Then why won't you show us a picture?" Kevin asks, slanting a look at him. Andrew glares at the bastard. Kevin has always liked poking his nose into Andrew's personal life, even when he didn't have one.

What's worse is Kevin feels he has some sort of claim on Andrew since he let Kevin follow him around PSU for years. Or maybe it was the handful of kisses they shared during his final semester. If Kevin had his way, Andrew would likely be tucked into some corner of this apartment. Like an umbrella or something.

"Because he's not your business."

"Yet." Kevin tacks onto that. "He will be."

"Whatever you say." Andrew says, then the four of them sort of come to a silent agreement to shut up and eat before the food is cold. Andrew pulls off small bits of bread and dunks them in the broth. He has an urge to pluck out every ingredient and eat them all separately. But that is not how soup is done. He's the last one done and as soon as he puts his spoon down, Kevin starts again.

"He's a fan of mine, right? What if you brought him over for a meet and greet?"

"You are nothing if not consistent. That is never happening. I think he would faint if he were in the same room as three pro stick ball players."

"Wait, is that what the photograph was for?" Jean asks, incredulously. Kevin nods and that makes Jeremy laugh.

"You gave him a picture of Kevin?"

"Signed and everything," Kevin says, smug for some reason.

"I needed a gift, Kevin pictures are free. For me." Andrew shrugs.

"Ooh, Andrew. I have an idea." Jeremy says. Between his serious tone and the joyous expression on his face, Andrew is rightly terrified. Knowing Jeremy, it could be anything from a diamond heist to a foursome. Luckily, it is nothing quite so scandalous. Though it does require some awkward positioning.

[wjhik]

Hiii!! How are you? Can I ask for a jude request where both the reader and him go on Ridiculousness and it’s just all fluff and jokes, thanks anyway

Cuddles (Jude Bellingham)

Soft moonlight seeped through the curtains, casting a gentle glow over the room. The walls were adorned with pictures of cherished memories, and the bed is a cozy haven of warmth and comfort. I was scrolling through movie options to watch. I worked my ass off all morning to get all my uni work done, so I could enjoy my weekend, not needing to stress about having to get anything done. As I picked an M&M out of the package I heard the door open. I perked up and listened. I heard keys being dropped on the table and bags being put down. I heard footsteps moving towards the bedroom, where I was. The door swung open to reveal my beloved boyfriend.

“Hey, baby.” Jude says with a sigh. “Hi.” I smile at him. He rushed into the bathroom to settle himself.

Jude came out in a t-shirt and his boxers. “Hey.” He says, settling himself in bed, next to me. He laid his head on my chest and wrapped his arms around my waist. “How was your day?” I asked him. He always got clingy after a hard day. “It wasn’t bad. But I got cold, and wet.” The rainy season was hard for Jude. All he wanted to do was cuddle in bed with a warm cup of hot chocolate. “Yeah? I’m sorry, baby.” I comfort him, running my hands through his hair. I moved my hand to grab his under the blanket. Once contact was made, he immediately pulled away. “God, woman. Your hands are so cold. What the fuck?” He exclaims. “Why do you have to freeze my ass every night?” He whines. I don’t understand why he thinks it’s so cold. It’s really not. I only keep the thermostat at 16C. (that is really cold for me, but that’s what i keep my room at so wtv)

I playfully grabbed his face, enveloping him in my coldness. “AY! GET AWAY!!” He yells out. “You’re such a drama queen.” I giggled. “I’m not. You’re fucking insane.” He says, referencing my temperature preferences. I simply rolled my eyes at him.

“What are we doing tonight, girlfriend?” He says, poking my side. “You tell me, boyfriend.” I  replied, my eyes stuck to the T.V., struggling to find something interesting. “Well, I thought we could have some fun.” He whispered. “Stop being a horny teenager. Let’s watch Charlie And The Chocolate Factory.” I dismissed him. “You’re genuinely such a child.” He said.

“I never want to leave this bed.” I said, seemingly out of nowhere. Jude makes me feel so comfortable and safe. Nights like those were my favorite, because it was just me and him. No cameras. No media. No interviews. No judgment. Just a man and his girl. It was perfect.

“I second that. It's like a fort of coziness.” Jude replied. He held me in his chest tighter, and kissed the top of my head. He put his finger under my chin and made me look at him. I looked in his eyes, but instantly got nervous. I looked down, blushing to myself. He lets out a breathy laugh. He lifted my face once again, and kissed me. I felt all the butterflies that have ever been in my stomach all at once. 

I pulled away and kissed his nose. I propped myself up on one elbow, gazing up at Jude with a mischievous glint in my eye. “What’s going on in that brain of yours, huh?” Jude asks, seeing past my eyes. “You know, we could stay here forever. Build a tiny world of blankets and pillows, and never face the world outside.” I say, holding him tight. Jude flashes me a heartwarming smile that I will never get tired of. “I'm all for it. We'll need to hire a breakfast delivery service, though. Can't survive on cuddles alone.” Jude jokes. I rolled my eyes and asked, “Why do you have the humor of an 86-year-old grandpa that gets called ‘pop-pop’ by his grandkids?” I ask him. He gasps loudly and places his hand on his chest. “For your information, girls would die for this humor.” He huffs. “I am girls.” 

We shared a laugh, our fingers playing an intricate game of interlocking puzzles. My hand found its way to Jude's cheek, and I stroked it gently. “I love you so much. You don’t even get it.” I say. Jude quickly reciprocated by kissing me. He pulled away with a dramatic smooch to my head. “You do realize we've been in bed for hours, right?” I observed. “Hours? More like days, I think. Time ceases to exist in our cuddle kingdom.” Jude said. This guy is such a dork. “Please, stop. I think I’m going to be sick.” I said. “You love me.” Jude said, rolling his eyes. “You know I do.” 

We laid there in silence, savoring the tranquility of the night, enveloped in a cocoon of love and comfort. I lifted my head to plant a soft kiss on Jude's lips, and he responded with a gentle caress, our affection speaking volumes without the need for words. “I’m so sleepy.” I said, yawning into Jude’s chest. “I know, sweetie.” Jude twisted at an awkward angle to reach for the T.V. remote on his side table. He grabbed it and turned off the T.V., as well as flicking off his side lamp. He reached above me and turned mine off as well. He shimmied down slowly, trying not to disturb me. “Sleep, my love.” He whispered quietly, kissing my head.

“I love you, you know.” I say, dreamily as I doze off into a deep sleep. “I love you more.” Jude whispers, knowing I can’t hear him. Our embrace tightened, as if trying to fuse our souls together, seeking solace and strength in each other's arms. The world outside may be calling, but for now, in the safety of our love, time stands still, and the only reality that matters is the one we've created in the quiet sanctuary of our shared warmth.

Dm for Requests

Wattpad: Funkyfishfeet

[nerves-nebula]

Sorry to give u a weird Christmas confession but I was thinking about ur art and that got me thinking about my life. And this tends to be where I direct that stuff because your perspective and insight is cool, and also solidarity in this community or something.

I always feel super shitty about the way I treated my younger siblings growing up, because while I wasn’t actively malicious, I remember being a dick needlessly a lot in what was typically misplaced aggression I couldn’t direct at anyone else, or projecting when I saw them doing anything I’d been screamed at or punished for.

But also my mom was super neglectful, so I was taking care of them in a lot of ways I never really thought counted as me taking care of them until more recently. I tend not to remember stuff, so most of what sticks out in my mind has a reason for sticking out.

I wouldn’t remember having had to wake my siblings up for school if I hadn’t written it down offhandedly in the notes of some fic writing I did years back. I wouldn’t remember having made dinner basically everyday if I didn’t feel like a lazy asshole over having been depressed and either putting off making food until way to late, or just throwing a pizza in the oven and telling my brother when to take it out.

Point is, sometimes you mention your sister, and you mention your brother, and I’m so upset that I remember being closer to your brother, because I didn’t protect my siblings from shit.

But lately I’ve been wondering if I might have and I don’t know how to feel about it. I feel like I’m rationalizing to make myself feel better but it doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel like I wouldn’t have to reach for stuff I’d done right if I’d actually been good.

I remember little things, like my brother breaking a plate, and me realizing my impulse to yell at him or belittle him over it was stupid, because what would he learn from that? It was an accident. But my parents would have blown up at me in that scenario. It was confusing so I just made sure he didn’t get glass in cuts and while I cleaned up and hid the broken plate at the bottom of the bin, I kept rolling around whether that was unfair or not. I only remember that because it was the first time I’d ever asked myself on a logical, non emotional level, whether my parents were actually being unfair.

My remembering that had nothing to do with helping keep my brother out of trouble, so I have to wonder if there’s more stuff like that that my brain’s just nuked. If there were any significant or consistent moments that I might never remember that could reconstruct my entire self image of what an emotionally repressed mess I was as a child.

I don’t know I guess that idea just stresses me out, and I realize I wouldn’t be happy in either scenario, whether that was or wasn’t happening.

mildly funny to hear my singular blog referred to as a community. not really sure what you mean by that, i'm not a part of many communities as far as i know.

nowwww i don't know your exact situation but i wouldn't worry about it. definitely sounds closer to one of my sisters than my brother.

like, i really can't overstate how bad my brother is. my older brother is a truly malignant force. kinda guy who starts shit for no reason and preys on people just to feel strong. he would not do any of the things you've written about here unless forced to. the best you can expect from him is apathy, or wanting to show you some weird fascist show he likes. he will otherwise go out of his way to harass and annoy and threaten people. he was constantly trying to start fights for seemingly no reason, and i mean physical fights, like he was compulsively violent or something.

i used to have sympathy for him but he's nearly 30 now and that's long dried up on my end. he's an asshole cuz it's what he chooses to be, not cuz anyone was mean to him or cuz he has bad impulses. he's a fascist loser who doesn't even want to try to be kind and that's about it.

anyway point is: what i hate about my brother isn't that he failed me or something. from your writing here it seems highly unlikely that you're anything like him, but that's something i can't solve for you either way. I haven't spoken much about my oldest sister in detail but they were cruel to me in ways that have shaped the majority of my neurosis. and i still don't hate them, because people who try aren't worth hating. you seem like you could be more like them

maybe not personality-wise though. i can't imagine them sending an ask like this to a random stranger haha. but i don't really know them very well anymore, so, who can sayyy. they've got mad memory issues too tho so there's that.

[embrosegraves]

𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕄𝕠𝕠𝕟 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕤

(request) Sebastian Vettel x Reader (he/they) Kids: Vincent/Vince (4) and Miriam/Mimi (5 months)

Warnings: Mentions of Reader not having a good childhood, mentions of Bad Mental Health™, self-doubt from reader, badly written angst?

It had been an unbelievable few years for the Vettel household. First Sebastian married the love of his life and they moved to a farm in Switzerland. They spent three years together before they adopted an energetic 2-year-old boy named Vincent. They were a perfect family of three. Sebastian retired from Formula One when Vince was 3 and a year later they found themselves at home with a now 4-year-old son and a newly adopted 5-month-old baby girl, Miriam.  

It was everything Seb could’ve asked for. He had a husband and two gorgeous children, he had never been more satisfied with anything in his life. 

Sebastian was so in love with his life that his heart shattered when he saw his life partner struggling. Y/n put up a good show in front of the children, but Sebastian and Y/n had been together for close to 9 years. Not to mention that they had known each other for 13 years. All that to say, Sebastian basically knew them better than themself. So he knew that while Y/n was outwardly happy and excited, their mind was in the trenches between anxiety and doubt. 

Seb could see that he was struggling with something and it physically pained him to not know how to help. Y/n was the single most important thing in his life. Every fibre of his being was made to love him and to make him feel happy and safe. He had to try something to help.

Prior to getting together with Seb, Y/n had explained vaguely what it had been like growing up for them. How they had to basically raise themself from a very early age. The sad fact was, Y/n had never had a consistent flow of positive affirmation or physical affection until finding Sebastian. Growing up both things had been a taboo. Meeting Sebastian had made Y/n determined to break the generational cycle before it had time to fully begin. Sometimes that mindset was hard to keep. Especially when asked a seemingly innocent question from a totally clueless 4-year-old. 

Vince hadn’t even asked Y/n the question, but he had overheard the small boy ask Sebastian. 

“How much am I loved?”

Those five words had sent Y/n into a silent spiral for days. Y/n hadn’t bothered to stick around to hear Sebastian answer the question. Instead, they tried as best they could to continue the day as normal. Why did Vince ask that, of all questions? Y/n was aware that children were always curious about everything, and they knew that it was more than likely just a child’s healthy curiosity. But curiosity had to start somewhere, right? What happened for their son to ask how much he was loved. 

Had he turned into his parents? Had he, without realising, not shown or said how much he absolutely adored his child? Did he somehow do the one thing that he swore he never would? Just the thought of it made him feel sick to his stomach. 

Sitting on the couch one evening, Baby Mimi asleep in one arm while the other circled around a sleeping Vince, Y/n found themself within their mind once again. Thinking about everything they had done leading up to Vince asking that dreaded question. He couldn’t pinpoint anything that seemed out of the ordinary. Nothing had changed in the dynamic since they had adopted their first child. Y/n blinked away the tears forming in his eyes. 

“I’m so sorry, my loves.” Y/n whispered as they looked at their children. Their voice was choked with emotion as they spoke.

“I’m sorry I haven’t done better. I promised myself that I would be better, and it’s not just myself that I’ve let down.” Y/n sniffled. “I said, years ago, that I would never become the people that raised me. That I would stop the cycle before it could begin, but clearly I’ve failed.” 

Sebastian had stopped just before the doorway to the living room, having heard his husband speaking to the no doubt sleeping children. 

“I wish that I could take back every moment you ever doubted my love for you. Prove that I am not my parents and that you are the most important parts of my life. I never want for you to feel how I did as a child.” 

Sebastian couldn’t take it anymore. He walked into the room, gently picked up his son and sat down next to Y/n. Keeping an arm around Vince, he used his free arm to wrap around his partner and pull them close to him. 

Sebastian pressed a lingering kiss to Y/n temple and whispered to him. “They do not doubt your love for them, Blume. I promise you.”

“How would you know that? I have failed as a parent if my child has to ask if he is loved.” Y/n took a shuddering breath, trying to stop themself from bawling their eyes out. 

“I know because I asked. Vince knows how much you love him, he knows how much I love him and I have no doubt in my mind that Mimi also knows how much we love her.”

“Papa, how much am I loved?” 

Sebastian looked at the 4-year-old in his arms, “Why do you ask?” 

“Baba always says that he loves you to the moon. And then you always say that you love Baba for all the stars.” 

“We do say that, yes.” Sebastian could help but smile at his son. He knew that for the young boy to know the endearment he exchanged with his husband, he would’ve had to hear it often. It pleased him to know that his children were growing up surrounded by the notion that affection and openly loving someone was a good thing.

“I just wanted to know how much I was loved. Like you and Baba.”

Adjusting Vince so that he could see his face, Sebastian gave a kiss to his forehead. “Baba and I love you so much that there is nothing we could compare it to”

The boy looked at his father, “And Mimi too?” 

“Of course Mimi too. There is nothing in the whole world that Baba and I love more than the two of you.” 

“Not even your trophies? Baba says you love them a lot.” Vince said, laying his head on Sebastian’s shoulder.

“My trophies don’t even come close, Kleine.” 

Sebastian pulled his husband closer as he finished speaking. I was silent for a moment before Seb spoke up again. 

“You have not failed as a parent, and I know that you will never fail. I have seen how much our son adores you. In every language I know there are not enough words to explain how much he loves you.” 

Sebastian knew that it wasn’t going to be easy to convince his partner that they didn’t need to be upset or worried. He knew that it was hard to come back from your mind. Especially if you had been there for a while. Sebastian was determined to help his partner, no matter how long it took him. He would go to the ends of the Earth if it meant that Y/n knew how much their little family loved them. He would trade every Championship trophy in the world to show Y/n that they are nothing like the people who raised them (because they sure as shit weren’t parents). 

“I love you so much that seeing you doubt yourself hurts me. You are the best damn parent for our children and I just wish that you could see that.”

It might take me a while but I can potentially do a part 2 for this if people liked it.

but anyways, I hope everyone enjoyed <3

[sugary-cherriboi]

Hospital Room

Shinjiro x Gn!Reader

~Spoilers for P3~

~~~

October 5th

Akihiko's pov

I was hesitant on entering the hospital room. I couldn't bare to see him after what happened the night before. I knew they were waiting in the room. Placing my hand on the handle, I paused as I prepared myself. Taking a deep breath, I slide open the door to reveal Y/n laying their head beside his body. My own body started to shake. It was hard to believe this was really happening. They haven't moved from their spot since we admitted him last night. I wasn't even sure if they've eaten anything. "Y/n?" I spoke their name softly as I approached them. No response. As I got closer, I realized they fell asleep, with their eyes all red and puffy from crying. Their face beginning to look all pale and sickly. I sighed. They've never been so distraught before. In battle, they've always has a cool head, but now, they're a mess.

I pulled up a chair beside their sleeping body. Shinji asked me to look after them, but I should of known what he meant by that. I should of put it all together sooner, but I guess it was his choice after all. I shook my head as I tried to not think so deep about it.

I looked down at their sleeping form. Their face began to contort into a discomforted look. My eyes widened as I wasn't exactly sure what was happening with them. Are they okay? Their breathing started to get heavy as sweat glistened their forehead. Suddenly, they shot up. "Shinjiro!!" They screamed his name as they were in a panic. Heavily breathing as they looked at Shinji, seemingly check to make sure he was still there. They looked sadly upon him since he was still in a coma. 

"Y-y/n?" I spoke their name softly, hoping to not spook them, but they tensed up a bit so I may have a little bit. Their eyes were so dull and lifeless. 

"Akihiko-san!" They seemed very much surprised that I was here. "How long have you been sitting there?" They asked embarrassingly as they looked away from me. 

"Not for long." I told, hoping they wouldn't be too mad or anything, but instead they just nodded and silently looked back at Shinji. The silence was a bit unbearable, but I wasn't sure on how to interact with them. Their old personality was nowhere to be seen. They've become almost sort of an empty husk. "Maybe we should go out and get some fresh air." I suggested, trying to help in some way. They just shook their head as they continued to stare at Shinjiro. I frowned as they was being quite difficult, but I can understand where's coming from though. They loved him a lot and now he's on the verge of never waking up again. They must be pretty perturbed about him, that fear must be very high for them. 

I placed a hand on their shoulder. "Y/n." I was very stern with them. "Shinji wouldn't want you to just sit around and mope." I started, hoping this would be good words of advice for them. "He's want you to try and continue living and right now, you're not doing that. He's still going to be right here whether you sit there or not." I stood up from my seat as my hand fell off their shoulder. "So I'm heading out to train for Shinji's sake. If you wanna sit around and mope, then so be it. " With a quick turn of my heels, I headed towards the door. I hated being harsh towards them, but I'm hoping it does them some good. I paused as I placed my hand on the handle, waiting to see if they'd react. Nothing, I shook my head and sighed. "Thought you were better than tha-"

"Gyagh!" Something slammed against my back. I held my back as I turned around. The only person who could of done it. The look in their eyes changed. They were filled with something I've never seen from them. I couldn't exactly tell what the look in their eyes were all about, but they were determined at the very least. They were filled with a mixture of emotion, I could tell that, though. 

They crackled their knuckles as they glared at me. It felt like sharp daggers pierced through me. It felt like ages before they finally spoke. "I will destroy every last shadow." They asked, which my eyes widened. This was not the same Y/n from before Shinji was hospitalized. They've became something else. "And I will kill Strega." My heart dropped as my mouth fell agape. This.. Malice over took them. The look in their eyes! Pure hatred. 

My hands moved on their own as I landed a hook against their cheek. As I reeled my hand back, I noticed that they seemed unfazed by what I just did. "Do you even hear yourself!?!" Yelling at them, I gripped onto their shoulder.

They slapped my hand away. Another glare shot pierced me. "Akihiko." They seldom call me Akihiko. This was all wrong. "I cannot stand by and let any more of my loved ones die because of me." Their voice was so aggressive and filled with guilt. This wasn't them. "I must fight on." They took a step past me, towards the door. "I will fight on-"

I gripped onto their shoulder and forced them to face me. "You're being a damn fool!" They needed to be knocked out of this. "Do you really think this is what they wanted!?" Trying to use some logic for them to realize how they were acting. They didn't respond back. "There's no way in hell either of them want you to act like this!!" I furrowed my brows as I softened my grip on their shoulder. "Shinji wanted me to look after you, and that's what I'm going to do!" Still nothing from them. I bit my lip as I began to feel tears well up, looking to the ground. "We lost Miki. We lost Shinji. I know damn well I can't deal with another loss." My voice cracked. 

I glanced up to see their face contorted into tears. They were trying to hold them back, but they soon began to slowly pour out. "Aki." They coughed out as they tried to wipe away the tears, but the tears were persistent. "I-" Their voice cracked. "I can't take this anymore!" A quick outburst. "I have to leave-"

I gently grabbed their hand. I gave them pleading eyes, showing them I didn't want them to leave. "Please don't do anything rash." My voice was soft, trying to get a little promise. "Promise me that you won't put yourself in harm's way." Now I was begging as I pulled them closer to me, wrapping my arms around them. "Please. I don't want to lose you, too." I whispered softly as I buried my hand into their shoulder, squeezing them like they would be gone after I let go. 

Their arms sneaked their way around me. "I'll be careful to not put myself in harm's way." They quickly promised me. "But you have to do that same." I nodded.

"I will." Their arms squeeze me tighter as they dug their head into my shoulder. "We have to live. For them." I added on so there'd be some pressure on us. "They'll never forgive us if we throw our lives away, you got that?"They nodded with a affirmative hum. Pulling away, I kept my hands on their arms. Silence fell upon the room. "Well." I cleared my throat as I removed my hands off them. No words came out of my mouth. The two of us standing there in silence. Our eyes darted around the room. 

"I hope Shinji didn't hear any of that." They mumbled as they rubbed the back of their neck. They were trying to get a much more livelier vibe to the room. 

I crossed my arms. "I know you're just trying to distract yourself." Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to. I've definitely haven't been the best with dealing with this. 

They sighed. "I know." They grumbled as they crossed their arms. "It's going to be hard for the two of us." I frowned as they weren't wrong. 

There had to be something to help us get through this, even if for a moment. Then an idea popped into my head. "Let's get beef bowls." I tried to put on a smile as my throat lumped up. Great, more tears. 

They put on a small smile as they turned towards the door, placing a hand on the handle. Silenced filled the small gap before they spoke up. "Y-yeah. Like old times." Even though they weren't facing me, I could tell that there was tears forming in their eyes. With a quick wipe using their arm, they got rid of tears and opened the door. I followed behind them as the two of us went to get beef bowls. 

While behind them, I noticed their legs were severely shaking. "Woah! You aren't walking there without some help." I wrapped an arm under theirs. They just rolled their eyes and allowed me to help them walk there. So my suspicion was right; they hadn't ate anything for awhile. I just shook my head as we continued our path.

I smiled down at the floor as we walked. 

I'll bring one back for you, Shinji. 

You, too, Miki.

I'm sure you would of have enjoyed that place as much as we do.

[cloudyyoimiya]

HEAR ME OUT.. SCENARIO ABOUT DAZAI WITH A GN S/O LIKE AUBREY FROM OMORI??

oh my word i love this! i didn’t get too far into omori myself so i had my friend help me out on this! also i couldn’t get all of my thoughts out with just a scenario, so i hope you don’t mind a few headcanons! thank you for your request!

With a S/o Like Aubrey from Omori; Osamu Dazai

Format: Headcanons and Scenario

Possible Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, suicide mentions (Dazai), spoilers for Omori(?)

To start off, Dazai would absolutely love the energy you give off; especially if you’re more on the cheerful side! He loves how energetic you can get over something that peaks your interest!

Sometimes if you freak out over small things, he’ll find it funny. If you ever catch him laughing about this you’ll either calm down immediately or get a little angry. There’s no in between.

If you ever do get angry and lash out, Dazai would be there to try and calm you down. He’d put a hand on your shoulder, or if you’re comfortable with it, he’d hug you and attempt to tell you that everything is all right.

The same thing happens if something goes wrong and you try to distance yourself from your friends or him. He’d be there to comfort you in a heartbeat and he’d make sure that you don’t make any rash decisions. Dazai would also make sure that you aren’t too hard on yourself as well.

If you happen to be clumsy like Aubrey, Dazai will always be there to catch you when you fall. Though, he will find it amusing that you can trip over seemingly nothing. Sometimes he’d catch you and you’d see him smirking.

Sometimes if Dazai gets distracted from a case, you’d have to redirect him. It’s not a simple task, but it’s able to be done.

Here’s some food for thought; imagine if you were in the Port Mafia. You were an executive and you ran a small squad much like the Hooligans that Aubrey leads. Of course your small squad would be more… professional, but still. I’d like to think that this kind of thing drew Dazai in the first place.

Now, I won’t write the mafia scenario today, but maybe I will later if I’m asked to. <3

Scenario…

Today you and your boyfriend were out running errands for the agency. Originally Dazai was asked to do this alone, but knowing him he wouldn’t do it unless you came along. You were slightly mad at him because you already had a lot of work to do. You had to write a few reports, you had to print out some documents… All boring things.

Dazai hooked his arm around yours as he lead you towards the next shop you had to visit. You sighed at the contact. Despite how much you liked going outside to explore, running errands with Dazai was always a bore. He’d always get side tracked and you’d have to redirect him.

“Oh, we’re here,” you said as you two arrived at the store. “Do you wanna wait outside?”

“I could never leave you alone, my love!” Dazai exclaimed, acting as if he was offended by your question. “Plus, if I did you’d somehow run into trouble!”

Your eye slightly twitched at the thought. “Yeah, alright fine. C’mon.”

You practically dragged Dazai into the store. You then walked down the aisles, looking for a specific sweet that Ranpo wanted. Apparently this candy was getting rare since the company was going out of business.

You eventually grabbed everything that you needed to. Dazai had been talking your ear off about anything and everything, trying to make you engage in a conversation while you were concentrating. You did give him short and sweet answers, yes, but you also wanted to bash his head with the baseball bat that you always carried around with you.

“—And then Kunikida was all like, ‘Oh no Dazai! You can’t try to kill yourself on the job!’ with such a mad expression! He then hit me with his book of ideals on top of my beautiful head! I just can’t believe him!” Dazai ranted on. “I truly think that he hates me!”

You had arrived at the cash register, groceries in hand. “No, really? What makes you say that?”

You started to pay for the groceries, giving the cashier your credit card. The transaction went through and the two of you left the store quickly.

“Kunikida is always foiling my suicide attempts! It’s really starting to get on my nerves!”

You silently chuckled at his antics. “Maybe he just cares for you, Osamu.”

Dazai sighed. “If he cared he’d let me—“

You playfully smacked the back of his head.

“We need to head back soon.”

“Ow! That hurt!” Dazai whined.

The walk back contained Dazai blabbering on and on about rather mundane topics. You of course blabbered back once he reached a topic you liked. 

You walked up the stairs to the agency, almost tripping on a few of the steps. Dazai caught you one time at the top of the stairway. Embarrassed, you slightly yelled at him. He only smiled and led you back to your desk.

“You really need to work on your balance, you know. I won’t be able to catch you each time.”

“Oh would you shut up?!”

Requests are open!

[gowns]

In regards to your repression post: aside from the obvious answer (therapy) what are some exercises or things we can do to tackle/acknowledge/defeat repression? If you can suggest any.

i think it really is so individual to different people. therapy will help (it helped me; i found a very progressive therapist who is familiar with trauma). a lot of self-reflection.

for me: reading about zen helped. i'm not very good at meditating (too much bonkers stuff going on up there) but i really like reading about zen concepts and what people get out of it. books that i read that helped me grasp zen were, in this order, the long quiet highway, you are here, nothing special, then goodbye things and the concept of minimalism (what are the things in your life that matter to you, and what is clutter?). also, previously i have been helped by reading books about how trauma manifests in your body, like "the body keeps the score," but now i know that guy is problematique so i would check out alternative books like what my bones know.

that was all kind of like the baseline stuff that was scaffolding for helping me get to a better position to grasp what came to me last year...

... which was a deeper understanding of my own sexuality, identity, how i relate to other people, how i present, feeling embodied instead of disassociating, actually feeling sensations instead of it all being mental. in other words, a deeper acceptance of the fact that i am gay and that queer sex makes me whole.

now, for me, that all started with deep vulnerable conversations with friends about sexuality, identity, desires, dreams. long, long conversations. having more LGBTQ friends. being more in community with people. putting myself out there more, not isolating myself, feeling like an island unto myself.

--

i must repeat: i think that the seed for unrooting repression can be many different things, for many different people.

for me, i found myself in a position where i was a parent of two, in a seemingly cis hetero marriage, experiencing years of isolation. this isolation was mostly self-imposed! my partner has always been very supportive of me in anything i wanted to do. i just had no concept of my own wants and desires anymore. i had been in a caretaker role for so long that any concept of a personal "want" was buried deep underground.

how did this happen? i have always been against the status quo, in concept. but i felt a nebulous social pressure to "perform" motherhood, marriage, nuclear family structure, to wear makeup a certain way, to have sex a certain way... i was living in an unquestioned "normalcy" which was actually actively harmful to me.

i am usually coy about this on this blog, but i'll tell you right out, i started actively dating again and engaging with new sexual ideas and i was astonished that it just... made me feel so real, so myself, in a way that years of therapy and different medications have never done.

over the past several years, in periods of re-experiencing trauma or being triggered, i felt asexual. i would often have to be very drunk or very high to enjoy sex. i felt separate from my body.

now i feel whole again. i feel lit up all over.

like: i sat down and tried to learn the piano this year, and i was amazed that for the first time, in a very long time, there was a connection between my brain, my hands, my ears, and i was capable of being fully embodied in that way too, being able to use my hands to make music, having the plasticity in my brain to learn new things.

--

tldr: i think the answer is different for everyone. for me, it was embracing my nature as an unabashed flirt and local lothario. for you? it could be writing a love song and performing it. it could be finally writing the book laced with details of family secrets you've always been afraid to write. it could be just, like, buying a leather harness, and enjoying the sensation of the leather against your skin. we're only here once (in this form of consciousness)! enjoy the ride!

[abby118]

How not to procrastinate/ How to manage your tasks

Some of you have asked about this in the past and I promised I would make a post someday.

Disclaimer: I know these tips are my own and won't apply to everyone. I've always found it relatively easy to complete my tasks and meet deadlines regardless of the tasks' subject. I do not have ADHD, I can't give you advice in regards to that one. You might find some of these helpful, but it doesn't say anything about you as a person if you don't, we are all different and this just happens to be a natural part of my personality. These are in no particular order.

Long post

● If you find it difficult to start a task or return back to it, I would suggest you think about the reason why that is because even if it seems like there isn't one, there is always something that makes you avoid it, whether that be consciously or subconsciously. ⇾ Example: Let's say you are supposed to write an essay or a research paper and keep putting it off for seemingly no reason. You might perceive the topic of said essay as overly complicated to tackle, as something you will get stuck on and that will take too much time. Maybe you don't know how to find certain information you need. You might want to focus on that specifically and mentally separate that bit from the rest of the essay. You often perceive the problem as this one giant thing with your task's name on it when it actually is just a part of it and the rest is fairly manageable. You can either do it first to get it off of your list or you can complete that remaining part of your task (the easier one) first and then deal with the difficult bit, depending on your preference. By doing this you will have already done more than you would've achieved by avoiding it altogether.

● Do not force yourself to complete your task in one go. Of course, this is different when you've got a set deadline but you can still apply this strategy. ⇾ Example: Let's say you are a writer or an artist and want to complete your work. I promise you will go further by working on a small portion of it every day/with consistency, than if you were to sit down for hours on end, burn out because you found it exhausting towards the end and then never touch that thing again. You might get it done, yes, but that's the last time you did. Write a single paragraph if you have to, shade a single corner if you have to, edit one page if you have to. That is enough, you are investing in your future abilities. An unrelated example would be cleaning - organise a single drawer or put away a few shirts you left out.

● Do not set yourself specific numeric goals but do set your time. Numeric goals restrict you and time focused goals prevent under or over working. ⇾ Example: I will use writing again - don't set yourself the number of words/pages or how long your work should be. It's not going to look the same every day and if you were to make it, you would burn out. There will be days when you'll write 50 words and there will be ones when you'll write thousands. Don't try to predict it or control it. If you do, you will hate your harder days for writing more than you're capable of and hinder your potential better days with having exhausted yourself and thus being unable to write as freely as you would have otherwise.

Tell yourself you are working on your task for -insert time length-. Don't make the mistake of "I'll just start and see how much I can get done" or "I could work for more than -your goal-". That inevitably leads to burn out. ⇾ Example: One of my two jobs is a home office IT job. I do have a number of hours I need to work for every month which means I manage my own schedule when it comes to that particular job. I have set myself a number of hours for each day regardless of whether I feel like it or not. Tell yourself you are starting at -insert hour- and end at -insert hour- which will make it -insert number of hours-. This is also very useful for studying.

● That brings me to - "I can work for a little longer", "I can do this on my day off, it will reduce my work load", "I will just respond to this one email" are all tricky. Don't work if your work time ended and don't work when you're supposed to rest even if you think you could. You might, and you will get the thing done, but it will show up in your actual working hours in the future. You can't see it yet.

● If it takes longer but it's fun, it's much better than getting it done quickly but with no enjoyment. ⇾ Example: This one's simple. If you are not tied by a very strict deadline, allow yourself to get distracted. Yes. Distraction is necessary and beneficial. If you work on something while texting or while listening to music or watching videos, it might prolong your process but it will be significantly more enjoyable than if you were to lock in and do it while hating the process. You won't remember the time it took the next time you will have to do the thing again, but you will remember how you felt during the activity. Make it fun, even if it costs time.

● Set yourself your time but don't be too limited. ⇾ Example: While you will need a set time goal for some tasks, this won't apply for all of them. If you can't sleep and happen to be wide awake at let's say 3am and know that night's already wasted, no one says you can't work on something small. It doesn't matter if you do it at 3am or 8am.

● Equally, have specific days/hours at which you rest. This could be a weekend if that's possible for you, or this could be hour-hour. It doesn't matter, just have your special hours when you know you can relax and when you won't pick anything up even if you feel like it.

● Break your tasks into smaller tasks. ⇾ Example: You don't "need to go to the post office" you need to 1.) get ready, 2.) take -insert items- with you 3.) get to your location 4.) park your car 4.) enter the building 5.) get your number 6.) talk to the person 7.) send your parcel etc etc. This was simplified but it helps if you can't deal with anything on a particular day because it seems like too much but you do need to run errands/complete your tasks. You can do those individual things.

● See how long it takes you. We all have those days when you struggle to do something. Figure out how long it takes you to do the thing if you were to do it as fast as possible. ⇾ Example: You might be half asleep but still need to take a shower. Let's say your usual showers take more than 10 minutes. You need to shower as fast as you can one day to then remind yourself you can do it in..let's say 5 minutes which was the information you collected by that. Now, return back to that half-asleep situation - you might not feel like "getting into a shower" but you might feel like "doing something for 5 minutes before you go to sleep".

● Work in a clean/organised enviroment and be mindful of your needs. ⇾ Example: Have a clean desk, it leads to less unwanted distrcations. Make sure you stay hydrated and don't forget to take breaks, go to the toilet, eat, reduce the thing that is overstimulating you. If you need to pause and go do those things before you continue, do it. You will be more focused and more efficient in what you do once you return.

● Have more than one project opened. Two is the ideal for this. ⇾ Example: I'll use myself as an example again, procrastinate on your story by writing your lore and procrastinate on your lore by writing your story. You will still be working on something even if you procrastinate.

And if you really need to procrastinate, it happens, don't be too harsh on yourself. Some days are just stupid.

● Consistency > motivation ⇾ Example: One of these will fail you at times, and it won't be staying consistent.

● Take time to occasionally remind yourself of what you've already achieved. Going forward with no sense of accomplishment will reduce your motivation.

[pbandjesse]

I have been influenced by the internet. I used to really love buying things on wish but I stop doing that a long time ago. Because I just kept buying nonsense. But Jess introduced me to a new website very similar to wish and I gave myself a $25 budget and I bought a couple goofy things. I'm still in my budget for the month. I barely done any shopping at all. So it was a silly decision but I don't feel too bad about it.

And today was a really good day. I wish I slept more. But I had a lot to do. Then tomorrow is going to be even more busy. Hopefully I can get a lot of rest tonight.

When I woke up this morning I felt a little annoyed. And honestly I've just been on this side of annoyed all day. For no real reason. I think I'm just tired. But I woke up and James made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while I got dressed. And very soon after I was stressed I was leaving to go to my doctor's appointment. I was a little stressed about it because you never really know how long these things are going to take. And I had to actually see the doctor today.

I've never been there on a Tuesday and the woman at the desk was different. But she was equally nice. And I got checked in pretty quickly. The woman next to me was huffing and puffing and being seemingly very upset about having to fill out paperwork. But very soon I was getting called back.

The medical assistant was as nice as always. I told him about my trip and how we just got back from camping and hiking and how great it was to not be in pain. And I encourage to look into the Amtrak trips because he wants to do some traveling as well. And then the doctor came in and we chatted for a while. I told her about the weird under skin pimples I've been getting just in case it was possibly a side effect but she told me she's been having that problem lately too and we now think it might just be the pollen in the air. And she told me it's hard to tell about my joints because I am so flexible but she was very encouraged by my blood work and the bit of inflammation in my back right now she isn't too concerned about. So that made me feel good. She said that I should just be careful picking up very heavy things. Which will probably be an issue setting up for camp tomorrow but ah well.

I got my injection and let them know that because of my honeymoon next month we're going to have to put my injection off a couple extra days but they said that that was okay. And then I went and made my appointment for the next 2 months and then I was heading out. Whole thing was about an hour.

So I still have plenty of time to go and get lunch before I had to be at the hospital for art with a heart.

But since I had so much time I decided I would go over to the art with our building and pick up tomorrow's materials. I ended up chatting with Jake for a few minutes while I was there as well. And then I went to have lunch.I drove down the road and went to Chipotle. Which was good but the person behind me was just getting a quesadilla. A small tortilla quesadilla. And they tried to charge him $9 for it. What the heck! He didn't get sides or anything. Just charging for a side tortilla What are you doing?? I left before it was resolved. But that was wild to me.

I ate my car and then I walked around Walgreens for a few minutes. And then I decided I would just go over to the hospital because parking is always an issue there. I had to circle the block a few times and eventually I just went up into the neighborhood. I parked and when I got out of the car a man smiled at me and it turned out he was one of the students and I just didn't recognize him without a mask on. We ended up both being there so early that the door was locked to the classroom so we sat and chairs outside and talked and I told him about the other classes that I do and he had lots of questions about what autism was. And so we talked about that for a long time and eventually the contact for the hospital came and let us in and she joined our conversation. We had another couple adults come in as students. But Julie wasn't there yet. The lead teacher. And I was a little concerned. We're supposed to be there 15 minutes beforehand but it was 1:00 and she wasn't there. So I found her phone number and I texted her just because I was like concerned that something was wrong. And I figured if she wasn't coming I could run to my car and get the project for tomorrow and just use those materials because we had students and I didn't know what to do. But thankfully Julie would come a couple minutes later. I'm not entirely sure what happened but I'm glad that she wasn't hurt. She was huffing and puffing though because she also hates being late. Absolutely understandable. But everybody was just looking forward to doing art. She let us through a guided meditation and then everyone started doing these interesting x-ray portrait pieces. And it was fun talking to people and encouraging them to work in different ways. It was neat I had a really nice time. We also just talked about the programs that I do at camp and some of their memories of camp as children. One of the women told us that when she was a child they took the church she went to to a camp and when they got there they told them that the pool wasn't open anymore because they were all black children and they didn't want the black and the white children to swim together. And she said that it was very painful. And it was just so vulnerable for her to share that with us. And I just am really glad that I'm getting this experience. They've all been such lovely people.

After class I finished helping Julie clean up and pack everything and then we walked to her car because she had some yarn for me. I was supposed to head to the museum next to meet with Merrill to go over some boxes for the research that we're doing to fact check the tours. And I was a little concerned about being late for that so I made sure I sent her a text as well. And then I was saying goodbye and heading back to my car. But I accidentally went the wrong way and got a little turned around. And then my feet hurt really bad but I made it back a little before 3:00.

I got to the museum at 3:15 but Merril texted me that her husband took the car and she didn't know and so it was going to be 45 minutes for her to walk there. And since nobody was answering me at the door anyway I decided that we would scrap it for today and tomorrow we would both just come early for our nighttime shift and see if we can get in there. She said that was a great idea. Merril's really cool though so I'm excited that we are collaborating and talking and stuff. It's nice to make friends.

I was very very thirsty though. I had a bottle of water with me but I had finished it already. My lips were just very very dry. I considered stopping and getting a drink but instead I just went home.

When I got back James was in their office and I was happy to see them but I was in a little bit of a mood. They had said they were going to clean the apartment and it didn't feel much cleaner than when I left it. And it's nothing that is huge I just think I was tired and grouchy. But they would come and lay in bed with me and brought me ice cream. And that made me feel better.

James would head to a baseball game after making pizza for us. And I gave myself another half an hour to lay in the bed and be a vegetable. Before getting up and making myself do some stuff. I worked on my prep for my workshop this weekend. And then I went to figure out my prints because I want to try digitally watercoloring them for the reprints of my Aesop's fables collection book. And then I started working on laying out the text for my commission from Rosia. I texted with her and she thinks maybe she wants gold thread instead of black. I told her the concerns about gold thread but that it's not impossible. So I will go to the store on Thursday hopefully and get those materials. And I was just really productive. I put some stickers on my other water bottle and picked up some stuff in the room. I made some progress on some small projects. It was a really good time. I was feeling really good.

I also went through the box that we keep in the trunk of the car. Got rid of stuff that has been sitting in there for forever and made some choices about what is necessary to keep in the car. And then I took a downstairs and I cleaned out the car a little bit. Just organized it a little bit better. And after that the sun was starting to go down.

Around 7:30 I took a bubble bath and use lots of oils and things and made my skin feel nice. And now I'm just laying in bed with sweetp. I'm getting pretty tired. James isn't home yet. But I just got a text from them and I'm glad that they are having fun. I think I'm going to go paint my toes and brush my teeth. Tomorrow I have a very busy day. I'm going on a tour of a quarry in the morning. Then I have to go to poo talk to set up Thursday's program. And then I have my art with heart class with crafted hands which is the MS group. And then I have my shift for a wedding at the museum. So it's going to be a long day. But fingers crossed that it is just really good. I have high hopes. I hope you all sleep very well tonight and you stay safe. Good night everybody.

[xxdoubledaisyxx]

How many of you think the world cannot improve itself?

...

Crime. If you had all your basic needs met and decent amount left over, would you ever commit a crime?

(basically solved -- apply rain-down economics in a local government to accomplish the conditions required.)

You may want to fight or do some crazy life-endangering shit?

We can brainstorm and come up with some solutions, especially because that will be much more efficiently done with less crime and more people able to contribute who are not permanently disposed toward poverty. I am like that because I am most certainly able to make all the money for myself and I deny using my free will for such a mundane and vain waste of time.

I've got a better idea for everything, pretty much. That makes me pretty confident compared to you when I see that you are still doing things the way they did them back in 1776 or 2016, and clearly those ways are getting abused with senior experience corruption and criminal manipulations because of how unreliable those ancient standards are now for modern problems.

It would be pretty easy to get this on the news and have me put out all that knowledge and info easily at a moment's notice, yes. I don't need any time to prepare and I am not going to be nervous for something so silly and girly as media. That's a big deal, but not for me because I crossed from war into media already and that was a very embarrassing move. Nothing else will embarrass me more than that, so don't worry about whether or not I can manage on my own with the popularity.

You don't even know how popular I am yet already because you have not seen me without a government trying to oppress and limit what you can see, for the most criminal and evil reasons they will not get away with too. The popularity I have in the future dwarfs what kind of concerns you people have now.

That is not going to be a problem at all. I've been through worse than any celebrity alive, when it comes to "paparazzi", "crazy fans", and international popularity. Just because the entire nation of Russia doesn't know my name, the fact the Putin does counts for as much. That's a mutual admiration of neighborhood rivals as far as I can tell, because I have no problem with Russia and in fact more love than I have for Japan. It's a different kind of love.

I love Russia like a guy, and Japan like a girl. Maybe that makes more sense. Guys are pretty much all of the same mind when it comes to love, but girls... they are like fighting vipers always pitted against each other in a civil bloodbath of social carnage and invisible violence; deception, false kindness, and unscrupulously dirty in their methodology at times.

There is no point. I'm still waiting on whoever is going to make a move to make a move, because mine was the last move made, and it happened about 9 years ago. If you don't decide in time, people are going to do something about it... who knows what, but they certainly will, because whoever is president is supposed to be on the ball with those kinds of moves, and they are pretending like they don't even know about the Christ prophecy as it applies to world leaders.

Why are you people acting like we didn't expect you to be acting the way you are as if you think of God like a "superpower" or "freak" mutation in human genetics. It is not. Not anymore than learning anything makes you freak with that knowledge.

God is the most difficult truth to learn and accept both. That will never change. That is why it is so rare and seemingly miraculous, but knowledge is only as good as the application of it. As far as I can tell, humanity has not applied the knowledge of wisdom that is forgiveness in their lives yet. I'm not sure why.

They will certainly be much happier when they learn how the virtue of forgiveness will help bring them peace of mind and a less burdened heart. Abandon the concepts of faith if you have any hesitation or discomfort about this, is my recommendation. Stick to the facts, learn those, and then practice laying them out, and connecting them with a line of your thoughts.

Faith will happen on its own if you study theology.

It is not mind control. It is common sense on the higher level with all the other higher knowledges. That's why Christianity persisted through the ages. It is not evil, nor tyrannical. It is truly liberating.

You, yourself are a tyrant, dominating the love in your own heart to be all for yourself, and that is a very different kind of problem, as you will see if you think about your enemy to better know them and not mistake them for an innocent ever again.