#And they will be mad at me or hate me so i apologize all the time. My brain does have systems set up to uh

[throesofincreasingwonder]

Actually OP's advice is very helpful, and I genuinely think it's worth considering. I get how it could be interpreted the way you describe, but I think it's a bad faith argument to say that OP is 'telling disable people to concede that they suck and are wrong all the time.' Instead, we could think of it more like an "I feel" statement. By reframing your apology as 'action → feeling → action' the way OP did, you take ownership of what you did while also helping the other person avoid triggering that response again. This is a lot more helpful than saying 'I have x, so y.'

They also aren't mutually exclusive! If you think that someone being aware of your specific issue would be helpful to you or them in the future, you can make them aware of that without just offloading your apology onto your disorder or disability.

To use the example above, you could easily reframe "Sorry I snapped when you and your friend spoke at the same time, I actually have sensory issues." as "Hey, sorry I snapped at you earlier. I have sensory issues, and when two people are talking to me at once I can get really overwhelmed, which sometimes makes it hard to regulate my feelings. I'm not mad at you, and I'll try to make you aware earlier or remove myself from the situation if I'm getting to that point of overwhelm in the future."

The latter makes for a better apology (the specific situation OP is trying to give advice about—sometimes you may not need to apologize, but this post is about when you feel the need to do so) for several reasons. Firstly, it gives a specific triggering action to the other person. You included this in the above example, which is great, but took it out of the revision ("I just hate the sound of your voice"). It's important to recognize that first revision is not including the technique OP is employing here.

Second, it takes ownership over your actions. There are obviously some symptoms of disability that you cannot control, and therefore should not need to apologize for (or at least apologize for in the same way as other actions). That mention of convulsing is a great example, because it's and involuntary physical response. You shouldn't apologize for convulsing unless it hurt the other person, because generally apologies cover actions you intend to do differently from here on out.

But there are other actions that you are responsible for, and that you need to take ownership over. Yelling at someone in OP's post is a great example; RSD may mean you can't control feeling of betrayed or hurt, but it doesn't make you yell at anyone. That is an action you have control over and can change in the future. You have every right to have that feeling but not to attack others, which is what the apology is for.

The reason OP's apology structure is more useful than just explaining symptoms is because it focuses directly on the action you're apologizing for. When you apologize only by telling someone your behavior is a result of your disability, it can make it hard for the other person to respond and shut down further conversation. An apology that focuses on actions instead sets clear expectations for both yourself and the other person going forward, and opens a dialogue about what you can both do to avoid that situation in the future.

Sick list of symptoms bro. Now try humanizing your behavior instead of pathologizing it.

[gingernut1314]

Are You Mad?

Summary: Zoro hates it when you are mad at him...so why is it so hard for him to apologize?

Content: Gender-natural reader, Zoro being stubborn, Poor Chopper getting stuck in the middle of your fight, slight spoilers (thousand sunny)

Word Count: 850+

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“Why are you still pissed off?” Was the first thing out of Zoro’s mouth after thirty minutes. Thirty minutes of him standing before you in complete and utter silence. Not a single peep out of his mouth for thirty minutes as he watched you comb through Chopper’s fur, the poor reindeer molting so bad he had asked for your assistance in easing the itch a bit.

You quirked a brow up at him, keeping as silent as he had.

Zoro gruffed at his. 

“Really?” You turned your eyes right back down onto the reindeer in your lap, whose anxiety seemed to be growing the longer he was between you and Zoro's angered tension.

Zoro scoffed. 

Scoffed.

“It’s not even a big deal.” 

“You think so?” You were quick to shoot back. Zoro’s brows furrowed together at your tone.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” You plucked a clump of molting fur from the comb, tossing it into the trash bin next to you.

You gave him a simple nod. Just one. 

“Okay.” Silence fell over the deck of the Thousand Sunny once more. Well…as quiet as the Sunny could be. You could hear Sanji shouting something at Luffy from within the kitchen as well as the clinking and clanking of Franky and Usopp tinkering. 

Zoro watched you for a long moment, muscular arms crossing over his chest. Watched you as if he was trying to figure something out.

“...okay?” You gave a small shrug. 

“Okay.” You repeated. Zoro’s brown, near-black eyes continued to watch you. 

“...why do I feel like you’re still pissed?”

“Take a wild guess.” Zoro grit his teeth.

“Hey. I didn’t know.” Chopper was wiggling in your grip, his nerves bubbling fully to the surface then. 

“Heh, heh…I think Robin--” The doctor started but you cut him off, running the comb back through his fur to keep him there.

“You didn’t know? Really? That’s the best you can come up with?” 

“I did!” He huffed back, uncrossing his arms again.

“You were there when I bought it!” The swordsman gave the back of his green-covered head a scratch as if he was trying to wrestle up the memory. 

“I don’t know what you want me to do about it.” It was your turn to scoff. 

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe apologize. Maybe actually take responsibility for it?” Chopper was once more wiggling in your grip, more nervous laughter falling from his lips.

“Guys…guys I’m sure--”

“You want me to apologize?” Zoro asked like it was the stupidest thing in this world. 

“No. Not now. You don’t think you did anything wrong.” 

“I know it wasn’t great.” 

“Then fess up and apologize.” You bit.

The deck fell quiet once more. Even Chopper held deathly still in your arms.

Zoro watched you, his gaze still narrowed like he should be the angry one.

“Fine.” He grit out like it was painful. 

He was probably the most stubborn man you had ever met. No. No scratch that he was the most stubborn man. There was no way he was really going to do what you asked of him. 

“Yeah?” You cocked a brow up at him. 

“Yeah.” He confirmed making you all but roll your eyes. You gestured for him to go on then with your hand. “I’m sorry.” You gave a small nod. 

“Okay…for what?” He went to open his mouth but you were quick to speak again. “And say sorry again before you tell me what you did,” Zoro grumbled.

“This is stupid.” 

“Then don’t do it.” This only made him grumble all over again.

“I’m sorry,” He began again, “for…” Another grumble in frustration. “For drinking your wine.” 

“You should be. That wasn’t that cheap shit you buy.” Zoro rolled his eyes right back at you.

“It was only 20 berries.” 

“The good stuff.” You were quick to correct him. Zoro sighed. 

“Whatever.” The deck went quiet again. Zoro continued to stand there, looking like he was still trying to figure you out as you went back to combing through Chopper's fur. The doctor had given a great sigh of relief at the tension being lifted. “Are…” Zoro started up again. 

“Are…?” You spoke, glancing back up at the tanned swordsman. 

“Are you still mad at me?” He mumbled like he was embarrassed to ask. Mumbled because he truly hated when you were mad at him. It was a fact that, once you figured it out, loved to use to your advantage. 

“Give me a little kiss and I won’t be.” Zoro’s shoulders seemed to slump in his own relief at your words. He was quick to kneel before you, lending over Chopper to fit his warm lips against your own. 

“EW! No! Stop!” Chopper complained, starting his wiggling back up all over again. You let the doctor go, who was quick to rush off, fake gagging as he did.

“I’ll get you another bottle,” Zoro murmured against your lips. You nodded, cupping his cheeks in the palms of your hands. 

“Thank you.” You claimed his lips once more, your skin warm and buzzing as he kissed you right back. 

[4vanaa]

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, 01

⋆.˚ masterlist

aubreywilde 5h

liked by sarahcameron and 1,190,000 others

aubreywilde home for the summer, excited to hopefully write some new music x

view all comments

sarahcameron missed you

aubreywilde missed you more 🫶🏼

wildeatheart new album soon? omg

goldenaubrey beach aubrey content!! 🐚☀️

user23 obx aubrey = my personality for the next week

aubreyshalo blue jeans is amazing!! like you really made that for me

aubreywilde i was speaking from my teenage heart xx

jjmaybank if you need a back up singer hml

aubreywilde please be serious jj

user uh my faves 😭

load more comments..

・・・・・

aubreywilde 32m

liked by rafecameron, kiecarrera, and 435,000 others

aubreywilde for the night 💋🖤🐆

view all comments

cleoanderson you’re everything

aubreywilde all you

wilde4aubrey mother is mothering

goldenaubrey scrolling feels like divorce

wildestan looking respectfully

kiecarrera i’m not

kiecarrera hottest ever

aubreywilde i love you

user lol what’s rafe doing here

user thirsting like the rest of us

aubreysangel ik her ex cries himself to sleep

sarahcameron as he should

mikeyseer 😍😍

user lmao her ignoring mikey’s comment 😭

liked by johnbroutledge, and popeheyward

user2 sarah’s comment? pope and john b liking that comment? what’s happening?

popeheyward 🔥🔥

johnbroutledge 🔥🔥

aubreywilde so drunk rn, my heads on 100

user girl get off media before you do something stupid

prmanager i share this sentiment

rafeismyreligion lmaoo too late 😭

・・・・・

tmz_tv 12m

liked by theperezhilton, popbase, and 1,000,000 others

tmz_tv Alternative singer Aubrey Wilde surprised fans late last night with a string of highly unfiltered tweets about her attraction to OBX actor/model Rafe Cameron…including searching for baby names?! 👀😳 Check out her tweets and tell us—is this a joke, or do we have a new summer romance brewing?

view all comments

user she’s so real

user2 only sane commenter

feministempowering this isn’t feminism, this is disappointing coming from her

sunkissedwilde she’s obviously joking

rafeonlyfans rafe deserves someone who isn’t sexualizing him

teamrafe this is so creepy, i feel bad for rafe

wildeandfree honestly real, have you seen rafe cameron?

jjmaybank this is why they should’ve never gone drinking without me

popeheyward i think we should respect her privacy

liked by kiecarrera, cleoanderson, topperthornton, kelce, sarahcameron, and aubreywilde

sarahcameron so we’re actually going to stay at home next time!

aubreywilde was just a drunk tweet, clearly not meant for the media. i apologize.

・・・・・

aubs2wilde

liked by sarahslostfiles, johnbeyond, kiesaysso and 18 others

aubs2wilde consequences of my actions typeshit, i will never drink pink whitney again wtf. all this happening to me and rafe’s still sexy omg, hate men 🙄

kiesaysso how you were able to tweet coherent sentences is beyond me rn

aubs2wilde phone really wanted me to speak the truth

johnbeyond next time you guys will think twice before pre gaming a pregame

aubs2wilde 🍅🍅

sarahslostfiles mad you didn’t get an invite 😛

sarahslostfiles eww don’t talk about my brother like that

aubs2wilde i only speak truth sorry

cleoanderson his new comment will help you out!! 😉

aubs2wilde holyshittt

༝༚༝༚ next on ikwydls..

જ⁀➴ @4vanaa

[5-htagonist]

assorted in progress and sketched fellers with whom i have a freakstyle psychological obsession with

[imagine-to-be-a-pike]

Arthur had every right to hate magic. I won't take back these words.

[scholarofgolb]

one thing low self esteem will do to you is that it will convince you that no one could possibly value their relationship with you or even on a lighter level like. thinking people don't care about anything you say and that your words don't have impact on people. and what that leads to is you being completely unaware when you hurt other peoples feelings and being unable to consider how something you view as innocuous or funny could be hurtful and mean to someone else. like even if you have a hard time understanding that you have value as a person you have to understand that you have a lot of control of the way you effect other people and no one is intrinsically aware of what is going on in your head. you've got to care about other people and think about what's going on for them and yes empathy is hard but empathy can be learned. and sometimes u gotta figure it out and teach it to yourself.

[garrettwrites]

When someone tells you they don't like hugs, that's not an invitation for you to "cure them". It is not a "you" thing, although sometimes it might be. You thinking "they have to get used to it" because "your hugs are different" and "that's how you show love" is not a valid argument. Hugging them out of the blue as a goodbye is not cool either. Fuck off.

[muttsona]

phone calls laced with memories of what will never be

[m--bloop]

.

[our-lady-of-mcr]

everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn

[vilevampire]

if more than one minor event happens within a day I'm already like "damn hold the fuck on the world is moving too fast"

[boysdontcryboycry]

The most important relationship in Robin's life is her friendship with Steve and always will be. Die mad

idk buddy it seems like you're the one who's actually really mad that someone doesn't give a shit about a spoiled mediocre cishet white man and thinks that maaaaybeeeee the show should explore the one lesbian's relationships outside of the one spoiled mediocre cishet white man she's been shackled to since her introduction. idk tho.

[starlooove]

On that same note ppl who say they hate when Tim is like Bruce have truly lost the plot

[hostilehospitalbeds]

Anyways I loved Barbie, learn to have fun please 🩷

how are you gonna tag a post about the rise of misogyny with “we need to go back to feminism 101” and then be like “Barbie movie was trash lib feminism bc she was nice to ken” ???

[strwbrymlkshake]

ohh I do want to pass away why am I so stupid

[jewishrizahawkeye]

and the arguments that i have won against you in my head; in the car, in the shower, and in the mirror before bed…

yeah i’m so tough when i’m alone and i make you feel so guilty and i fantasize about a time you’re a little fuckin’ sorry-

and i try to ꪊꪀᦔꫀ𝕣ડ𝕥ꪖꪀᦔ why you would do this all to me. ‘you must be insecure. you must be so unhappy.’

and i know in my heart: hurt people, hurt people. and we both drew blood, but man those cuts were

ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜰᴜᴄᴋɪɴɢ ᴇQᴜᴀʟ!!

and i try to be tough. but i wanna scream ‘HOW COULD ANYBODY DO THE THINGS YOU DID SO EASILY?’

and i say that i don’t care.

say that i’m fine.

but you know i can’t let it go, i’vetriedi’ve triedi’vetried for so long… it takes s⃞   t⃞   r⃞   e⃞   n⃞   g⃞   t⃞   h⃞ to forgive but i don’t feel ₛₜᵣₒₙg