#And then spent 3 hours re-reading everything anyway

[tinkertechy]

Do you ever think about the pieces of You

Scattered across 8GB Flash drives, dropboxes, old school emails? Bits and fragments of school assignments, poetry, notes?

Dashed out phone numbers and recipes on scrap paper in the kitchen?

Doodles and smiley faces in the margins of your notebook?

Ideas and information that were once important, but no longer are?

Or may not have been important then, but are now?

And if you took all these pieces of you, little bits of colored glass,

And put them together,

What kind of beautiful suncatcher would they create?

[reyla-the-black-wolf]

My heart speaks for you (Part 2)

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✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦

Pairing: Eris x f!reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: angsty fluff?, angst, hints of anxiety, anxiety attack, nightmare

Summary: Y/n is the youngest child of the High Lord of the Night Court and lives a slightly different life than the rest of her family. But what happens, when an unexpected visitor enters the stage and decides to completely change her life?

A/N: Hey guys! It took me a bit longer to write this chapter than I had planned to (accidentally deleted a part of the story ups) but finally did it! And I recommend you listen to "Remember that night" by Sara Kays and "The night we met" by Lord Huron.

Anyway, enjoy reading! 😙

Part 1 ⎮Part 2 ⎮Part 3⎮Part 4⎮

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Six days. Six days had passed since the incident in the conference room. Six tough days and not a single glimpse of him. No word, no letter, no message of any kind.

The water of the Sidra washed up on the shore in mesmerising waves, each time stealing a bit more of the glittering sand. Sunlight reflected off the mirrored surface, magically illuminating the facade of the River House. 

The hammock I sat in swayed gently in the afternoon breeze and, thanks to Elain, the sun didn´t bother me too much. My aunt had planted two Illyrian oaks in our garden the year I was born, providing shade now that they had grown from tiny sprouts into strong, sturdy trees. As I became older, I found my favourite reading spot underneath them. They stood a few feet from the River House and were the perfect place to relax and simply be. 

A piece of bark crumbled onto the pages of the book I was holding right now. `Feathers and Fire´ was written in large, ornate letters on the leather-bound cover. Nesta had borrowed me one of her novels to keep me company, as I had spent the last few days mostly by myself. 

I give up! After reading the same paragraph for the third time in a row, I finally slammed the book shut. I had really tried to concentrate on the story in the last hour, but my mind had drifted off more than once. And always back to the same place. 

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I was in shock. Or so I thought, as I couldn´t think clearly. My mind was racing and my heart was pounding so loudly that all of Velaris must´ve heard it.

Mate. Eris Vanserra was my mate. 

I couldn´t believe it. I mean, he doesn´t even know me?

The beige sofa under my legs felt too soft, as if it wanted to pull me into a hug and never let go. And the ticking clock on the opposite wall made my ears twitch in annoyance, so I decided to get up and pace around the living room, trying to quiet my mind. I was massaging my temples to ground myself a little when a soft touch stopped me in my tracks. Small, gentle fingers starting to trail along my shoulder in a soothing rhythm. 

„Sweetheart, look at me, please.“ My mother´s calm voice made me turn to her. „Everything´s going to be all right.“ She radiated pure love. „Whatever happens next, I want you to know you´re not alone. I´m here for you, okay, honey?“ It helped slow down my racing heart a little, but not enough. I sincerely hoped my father and his brothers hadn´t beaten Eris to death just out of anger. 

Just as I thought of them, three men winnowed into the living room. With long strides, my father rushed towards me, some of his darkness still clinging onto him, and cupped my face with both hands. „Darling, are you all right? Are you hurt? Do you need anything?“ He asked worriedly as he inspected me for any injuries, whatever he was looking for. 

I withdrew from his grasp, spun around once to show him I was fine, and put on my most reassuring smile to calm his worries, making his tensed muscles relax. „I´m so sorry. I never wanted you to see this.“ Regret seeped into his voice. „But…“ He paused, visibly struggling to find his next words. „Did the bond snap for you too?“ The question caught me entirely off guard, as I thought he was angry with me, trying to argue. I could almost feel my family holding their breath, dreading my answer. Silky hair fell around my face, casting tender shadows on my features as I shook my head. A quick glance at my parents and I knew they were having a silent conversation. Sweat formed on my palms as I unconsciously clenched my hand into a fist. With each passing second, an unpleasant feeling returned to my stomach, making me want to throw up.

It spread even further when my father turned his attention back to me, and my heart sank as I noticed the sudden change in his expression. A completely blank canvas. The mask of a High Lord. Others probably wouldn´t see through his masquerade of deceit. But I could. I did. I had studied his features over the years, every time he put it on. How his jaw tightened just an inch, noticeable only to the trained eye. How his eyes shimmered in a more vibrant shade of violet. I´d seen him in his role so many times that I´d learned to watch out for him. The real him. Not the High Lord, but my father. He kept his face sealed, but I could see what he hid behind that mask. Fury over Eris. His worry. But the strongest emotion was his love for me. 

„I want you to stay away from him. Or even talk to him.“ Someone had just knocked all the air out of my lungs and punched me in the guts. I hadn´t been braced for what was to come. My pulse skipped a beat and the blood in my veins began to boil. He can´t do this! Voices shouted in my head and a lump formed in the back of my throat. But why? I didn´t even know Eris, even though he was my mate. I shouldn´t be so disappointed. He is practically a stranger. 

At a loss for words, I stared at my parents. „We don´t want to make decisions about your life, but Eris is a... complicated man.“ my mother interjected. You mean dangerous. 

„Wait, Eris is your mate?“ I flinched and turned around, only to spot my brother hidden in the darkness with a shit-eating grin on his face. „Finally something interesting is happening.“ he chuckled, earning him a slap on the neck from Cass. „Hey!“ he cried out as my father shot him a warning glare before continuing his lecture. „Darling, listen. We only want to protect you and make sure you don´t get hurt. And Eris is not good company. He has proven that several times in the past. So please believe us when we tell you to stay away from him. We have our reasons.“ And what are they? A knot tightened in my stomach when I heard Azriel whispering from behind: „Especially after what he did to Mor.“

But he is my mate! Even if we don´t know each other well, don´t I have the right to figure out what´s happening between us? My mind screamed at me. Say something! Anything! You know you can! I forced my thoughts to shut down. We would not have this conversation now. Fight back! But I didn´t. I understood that my parents were trying to protect me. They were angry, no doubt, but with the love in their eyes, I couldn´t argue against them. 

So I only looked up and nodded, giving them a coy smile, even though it felt wrong. So terribly wrong. 

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This moment had been stuck in my head for the past few days. Although I´d agreed not to approach Eris, somehow I still hoped he would talk to me. Maybe to explain when and how the bond had snapped for him. 

Starlight? Az is waiting for you in the training ring.

Oh, right. I looked at the sun, which was already sinking deeper into the sky. Uncle Az had asked me yesterday if I wanted to train with him. We usually met at the same time every week to train, but over the last few days he had become more careful around me, giving me more space.

I quickly stowed the book away, not wanting Nesta to get upset if something happened to her beloved book. Changing into my fighting gear, I winnowed to meet Azriel. 

„Faster!“ Azriel shouted, lunging forward, but not fast enough. I sidestepped his punch to the right, and in the brief moment his defence was down, I landed three swift blows to his ribs. He groaned in pain and tried to sweep me off my feet in one smooth motion. Just as I was about to dive again, my back hit the sandy ground, Truthteller at my throat. A sweaty Azriel lay on top of me. 

He pulled me up, brushing the sand from my clothes. „That wasn´t too bad, but you´re less focused today.“ A questioning look crossed his face for a second as he looked down at me, then it returned to his usual straight expression.

I opened my mouth slightly as if to reply, but shrugged instead and walked towards the edge of the training ground, breathing heavily. Az only threw a knowing look in my direction. He knows. He knows how I feel. 

We had been training for about two hours and I didn´t know how my muscles were still able to keep me standing, but anyway, I was grateful for them when I winnowed us back to the River House for dinner. 

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After a quick shower, I now sat opposite to my brother at the wooden table eating dinner and it was truly a symphony for the senses. Wine glasses clinking. Knives scraping against plates. The aromatic scent of grilled steak and vegetables wafting through the room as my family engaged in a huge debate about who had the biggest wingspan. All I could do was smile at the silliness of it all and feel it seep into my soul. 

My father stroked my back lazily beside me, probably to keep calm, as Nyx started throwing peas across the table at Cassian, who dodged them. It really was ridiculous. „Seriously! A little decency, please!“ Amren hissed at this `display of strength´. Mor chuckled, „They´re Illyrians. Do you really think their egos would just ignore it if someone with bigger wings came along?“ My mother nearly choked on her wine at this comment, earning an amused look from her husband. „Can we all just calm down a little before the whole dining room is decorated with pieces of food?“ A quick, stern glance around the table from the High Lord and everyone resumed eating, interrupted now and then by a few giggles.

Ten minutes had passed, and the others had just finished chatting about upcoming events in Velaris, when Amren apparently decided to break the comfortable silence. „So y/n. Has anything been happening with the Autumn Heir lately?“ The wicked smirk on her face made her look like a cat that had caught a mouse to play with. All of a sudden, the room fell silent and everyone stopped eating. I felt my father stiffen beside me, his muscles tense. „Amren.“ Azriel warned, a low growl escaping his throat. „What? Just a sincere question.“ Not impressed by his threatening face. Not in the slightest.

Of course, the incident with Eris had spread around the River House throughout the last few days, fuelling rumours, but the others hadn´t said anything to me yet. I should have guessed that it was only a matter of time until the tension would blow up.

I think I might throw up. I certainly wasn´t in the mood to talk about it with my family. Not today. My blood froze as I gathered the strength to look into Amren´s cold, steely eyes, which were fixed directly on me. She didn´t even flinch when my father shot her a terrifying glare that would send shivers down your spine. 

Words began to flow into my mind, begging to be heard and a familiar feeling crept through my entire body, making my nerves go blank. It felt like I couldn´t breathe. 

„Are you all right, dear? You look a bit pale.“ she said, making me feel even more nauseous. „Amren, don´t.“ Everyone had stopped breathing by now. „You don´t have to answer her question, darling.“ My father´s hand darted out to graze my fingers, but I pulled back at the sensation. „You are his mate y/n, aren´t you? Must be desperate to know why.“ „Enough!“ Pure darkness collected in the corners of the dining room, ready to consume everything. I´d never seen my father so pissed off. „Why would you say such a thing?“ Mor uttered. „Exactly! She´s my sister, I´m the only one allowed to make fun of her!“, Nyx joined in. „I´m in the mood for some trouble.“ she responded honestly, taking a sip from her wine glass, completely untroubled. 

Everyone began to talk over each other, making it difficult to distinguish the individual voices. Tears welled up in my eyes as I covered my ears. The noise was becoming too much to bear. I sniffled, holding back a cry as I stood up and took a few steps away from the table. My chair scraped along the floor, causing everyone to turn around to me and all the shouting stopped. The tears began to trickle down my cheeks as my mother noticed them first, „Sweetheart, we´re so sorry.“ She stood up too. „We didn't mean to make you cry.“ Mor tried to reassure me, guilt clouding her voice. Everything felt too overwhelming. Leave. Walk away. Get out of this situation. 

„Starlight, come here. It´ll be fine.“ He took a few steps in my direction, but I quickly held my hand up in front of him to keep a distance between me and my father. 

„Y/n. Darling, we´re…“ But he stopped when I shook my head and scowled at him. Stared at all of them, anger written on my face, before I winnowed to my room. Leaving them all guilty and silent. 

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With my back against the door, I sank to the floor, tears streaming down my face. It´s my life! I get to decide how I deal with Eris! Why do they keep talking about it like it isn´t my decision? Like it´s not my life? 

My nails scraped the floor, attempting to hold on to something, anything, as I spiralled down a path I didn´t want to go. A guttural sound escaped my lips as my hand clenched into a fist and slammed into the expensive wood panels beneath me. Pain shot through my knuckles, making me want to scream. Anger. Fear. Emptiness. These emotions ran through my mind as my body shook with sobs. Why can´t I just talk? I want to, but I can´t... I don´t know... the words just won´t come out when I try. It made me even angrier when I thought about it. Do I not feel safe enough around my own family to talk to them? Or is there something wrong with me? 

A knot formed in my stomach. I had never had a big problem with myself before. Not with my body, nor with my inability to speak to others. But now I wished, longed to talk to someone. Just someone who understood me. Someone who...

A certain scent wafted through the room making me pay attention. Was that smoke? I sat up straighter to observe my own bedroom. Books were scattered across the floor and the door to the neighbouring bathroom was open. My bed was made, covered in indigo silk sheets that shimmered slightly in the moonlight streaming in through the closed windows. A few plants hung from the frescoed ceiling. Nothing more.

My eyes were no longer watery and my heartbeat had stabilised. But I could still smell that there was... something. Parchment.

I looked over at my desk, which was littered with various rolls of parchment, papers and pencils of all kinds. But right in the middle. Something had changed. 

Slowly, on shaky legs, I got up and walked over to my desk. A crimson envelope lay there, and next to it a shiny golden feather with light brown spots. I couldn´t remember putting anything like that here. It smelled of an open fire, fresh rain and a hint of vanilla. 

Deep down I knew who must have sent it. I opened the letter with trembling hands.

 ・✧✵✧・✧✵✧・

Hello Princess,

Do you remember the night we met? To be honest, I can´t forget you. Standing on the balcony in your stunning gown, watching the stars fall upon you, even though they couldn´t diminish your appearance. At first I wasn´t sure how to approach you, but I did it anyway.

And it turned out to be one of the most wonderful nights I have ever had, and I wanted to thank you for it.

I could almost hear him chuckling to himself as a warmth filled my heart.

As you probably know by now, I'm your mate, but I don´t want you to feel obligated to anything that concerns me. It is your decision whether or not you wish to meet with me. ( Though I wouldn´t mind, of course) 

A blush spread across my tear-stained cheeks and I instinctively smiled. He had thought of me. He really had. My heart melted like snow in early spring. Something about him made me feel complete and understood. 

But if that´s the case, winnow to the border of Autumn in two days. I´ll be waiting for you under a birch tree when the sun sets. You can´t miss it. Sleep well, Princess! 

His letter also contained a small note. 

(Oh, the feather and the paper you write on will appear on my desk as soon as you write back).

・✧✵✧・✧✵✧・

I was speechless. Not just because he had thought of me or wanted to meet me. No. But because he would let me decide for myself. He wouldn´t force me to accept the bond, even if it hadn´t snapped for me yet. 

Not wanting to think clearly at the moment, I did the only thing that seemed right. I broke the agreement with my parents. 

I pulled out the chair, sat down, picked up the quill and wrote back. 

Half an hour later, I was lying in my bed, surrounded by fluffy pillows and a gentle night breeze caressing my form. A few candles were lit to provide some sort of night light. 

Just as I was falling asleep, footsteps came from the hallway and my bedroom door creaked as it slowly opened. I quickly closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep, not wanting to talk to whoever it was. „Darling, are you still awake?“ My father´s voice echoed through the room as he peeked out from behind the door. 

Just breathe. He won´t recognise it.

And he didn´t. He only walked over to my bed and tucked a few loose strands of hair behind my ear, while the last thing I heard was him whispering: „I´m deeply sorry, Starlight.“ before he silently walked out of my room, leaving me alone. 

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Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not the slightest flicker of light. Total darkness consumed everything around me. No light, nor sun, nor any kind of something... soft. Something to keep me warm as the cold crept up my body, like a hidden shadow from the depths of darkness. 

I gasped for some air to reach my lungs, but all I could inhale was dust. Air! I need air! My lungs began to burn from the lack of oxygen and a tingling sensation shot through my entire being.

I felt like a flame being smothered as a deep, dark wave crashed over me, trying to drown me, as if I were nothing. As if I didn´t matter. 

The darkness drew closer with each passing second. Minute? Hour? Time didn´t matter in this place of emptiness. A place without walls or windows or even solid ground. The only things that trapped me were my own thoughts and the giant beast I couldn´t see, but felt. It swallowed everything around it as its claws raked along my skin, my soul, leaving scratches all over me.

I screamed, but all that came out of my mouth was... nothing. Every sound, no matter how small, was absorbed by the emptiness of this place. 

My body was drenched in sweat and my voice must have been hoarse by now from screaming my heart out for I don´t know how long. Slowly my body was losing consciousness and I was drifting further and further into the devouring void as I frantically tried to breathe. Please! I need to breathe! My heart stuttered for a moment. Help... help me! Somebody! Please, I... Hot tears streamed down my face and my eyes slowly closed as I was suffocated and drowned by the beast that guarded this place. My body went limp, tired from fighting. 

A gentle brush of soft fur against my back was the last thing I felt as I drifted into nothingness. 

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I jolted out of my sleep, my heart racing and the sheets beneath me damp with sweat. You´re awake! Everything is fine! I placed my hand over my chest, feeling my pulse slowly steady as I realised it was all just a nightmare. The silver curtains swayed slightly at the open windows and the moon shone so brightly I had to blink my eyes. `Shh, it´s all right, Little one. I´m here´ it yearned to say. My breathing had normalised and I ran a hand through my sticky hair. It was just a dream. I lay back and tried to sleep again, but I knew it was going to be a long night. 

✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦・✴︎✦

@tele86 @circe143 @impossibelle @st4r-girl-official @cherry-cin

[sad-not-glad]

Just some ramblings

I love getting to see Bucky post recovery in fics. Getting the happy slow life he deserves, pretty little housewife (you) and a tiny chubby-cheeked baby. White picket fence, holidays, Barnses family reunions, because we all know Bucky would adore that. Welcoming a cat and another one of his mini-me’s, maybe two.

But what about after that? His oldest’s graduation, his youngest’s? I want Bucky who struggles to watch his babies move out, I want Bucky who is devastated to watch them leave but even happier to see them thrive. What about when he becomes a granddad?

So here is old man Bucky becoming a granddad after getting the domestic bliss he deserves.

It’s his birthday. What number, Bucky didn’t know, he stopped keeping track too long ago. Far more important was the roudy group of his grown children, scattered around the living room with their partners and childhood friends, extended family and the like. It’s been nothing short of perfect, great food and nice weather with all his favorite people shoved into one house.

All except for one, that is.

‘Little’ Eliana, the youngest of the bunch and the only girl. Even though she’s a happy and healthy 25 years old, she was still doted on by all the men, brothers and Bucky alike. She was the princess, the baby, the littlest duck in the row- despite being married for 3 years already. So it really shouldn’t have been as surprising as it was to him, but Bucky still saw a grinning little girl with dirty hands when he looked at her. Eliana arrived with husband in tow fashionably late, her present tucked away to the back to the pile amidst the chaos of being greeted. Bucky, being the birthday Dad, got the first and longest hug naturally. One that he savored, tucking his little girl into his arms and holding her close. He still couldn’t believe where life had taken him, finding his soulmate and settling down. Getting to watch his outstanding children grow and prosper in ways he never imagined, everything he never believed he deserved. But it was his anyways, and he had no idea just how much more amazing his life was about to become.

Every year Bucky insisted he didn’t need any gifts. He was the happiest he could imagine with just his family, all safe and sound in the same house. Yet every year, he got to unwrap a mounting pile of presents that just keep getting better. So far he got a new watch from his son, which was amazing. Something he had been really needing too. A cat tree from the other son, two new mugs, the softest blanket he had even felt. Slowly the pile went from huge, to decent, until there was only one left. Eliana’s, a tiny little black box topped with a cute golden ribbon. She always had adored her father’s arm, hours of her childhood spent marveling at the metal. Now the fascination presented itself in his gift wrapping, or the black wedding band on her finger. A mimic of the engraving he had done when he married you.

She passes it over with a nervous smile, immediately curling back into her husband’s side. Bucky took the gift with a grin and a thank you, settling back and carefully peeling away the paper. You’re watching over his shoulder when he opens the lid, tossing it to the side and revealing the contents within. A little folded square of fabric. He pulled it out, confusion clear on his face as he turned it over. He unfolded it, taking a second to process just what he was looking at.

A tiny baby onesie, and written across the front was ‘I’m not spoiled, my Granddad just loves me”. He blinked, turning it over in his hands and re-reading the words, then reading them again. You had already put together the dots, leaping from your spot next to him with a surprised shriek. For Bucky, it was taking a while to really set in, eyes locked on the little outfit in his hands.

His daughter was…pregnant?

He was going to be a grandfather?

…He’s going to be a grandfather!

The tears are falling before the poor man even realizes he’s crying. Because after everything he had done, all the pain and suffering caused, Bucky was lucky enough to now be a grandfather. He looked up when legs appearing in his blurry vision, and there she was. The girl he had read stories to every night, kissed her boo-boos and held her hand. The girl who he raised into a wonderful young woman, smiling at him with giddy excitement. Excitement over having a child of her own, creating her own family to love and cherish. His chest was practically bursting with emotions, all of them pouring out with his tears and laughter as he stood to sweep her in his arms again.

And needless to say, the onesie spoke the truth. If you think this man spoiled his children, it’s a whole other ball game with his grandkids. His wallet is their atm, stealing them away for weekends with Pop-Pop, giving them memories to cherish forever. He cries holding his first granddaughter after she’s born. He cries when the second and third come, and he’s inconsolable when your eldest son reveals the name of his own firstborn. Andrew Bucky Barnes, the fifth grandchild he gets to welcome.

Pop-pop who picks up his kiddos early from school just because he missed them

Pop-pop who never misses a thing. Holidays, birthdays, graduations.

Pop-pop who always has the best stories, the warmest hugs, and the fluffiest pet cat.

Pop-pop who all his grand-babies adore just as much as he adores them.

[darkbluekies]

Silas asks #6

Previous one Concept: I've put multiple asks into one post to avoid too much loose posts on my account! This way, you have more to read too<3 Warnings: bruises, unhealthy relationships, mentions of marking silas up

What if I made silas a angry steak with vinegar 😡ok that sounded werid but here's the angry steak recipe 😂vinagear sauce, microwave that steak

He'll make sure all of your meals are cooked in dishwater.

What if after the "basement session" Silas find out that now the little thing has a really strong self harm tendencies? Like she start to bite herself, physical abuse herself and not only that! She start to call herself "dirty" (or smt) and her self esteem start to go down very fast. Is Silas will help s/o with it or he'll like it? Hope not the second option <;;:(

Of course he'll hate it :( he doesn't like when you're hurt, hence why he uses the basement as a punishment and not something physical. He hates to see painful marks on your body. He loves to see you painted in bruises, but not the ones that hurt. He'll make sure to tell you how beautiful and worthy you are so make sure that you know how much you mean to him. He'll dress you up in soft, fluffy clothes until you look like a marshmallow to make sure you won't hurt yourself.

"Come here, little thing, fuck, I love you so much. Please don't think like that. You know I don't want you to be hurt. I'll make sure you get well, I'll even call a doctor if you want ... I'll do anything to make sure you're happy, okay? Tell me what to do."

I was re reading your Valentine’s Day post with and I was wondering if he would be the type of yandere to buy his darling lots of clothes and made her spend hours trying them on in front of him? Ps you’re my favourite blog on this app, your writing is amazing and I’m always excited for your next post

[I did two valentines, but I'm guessing that you mean Silas? Thank you so much, btw that makes me so happy <3]

Of course he's the type to make you into his personal little runway model. He'll sit back in a chair and watch with dark eyes, loving everyhting you put on.

"And spin ... good job. I like that one. We'll get that one. What do you mean 'it's short'? It's supposed to be. I'm the only one who will see it anyway, so why does it matter? Try next one. I'm enjoying this."

Hey how are you? I just came back from school and was watching in the gym and saw some kids practicing taekwondo, so I was wondering how would Silas react to his darling knowing taekwondo and can be his ass? Would he be amused or frustrated I just wanted to know cuz I kept thinking about it for about an hour before saying it now. I hope you had a good day :) -new anon

[I'm doing good, thank you!!]

He'd be both frustrated and amused. He would be able to playfight with you and not have to worry about you hurting yourself, but he'd be worried that you would be able to escape him easier now. If you weren't showing any signs of running away, he'd not think much about it and would enjoy getting lessons from you. If you could teach him how to be as good as you, he'd be able to protect himself and you better.

"Like this? No? Y/N, seriously, teach me. Stop playing around."

How would Silas react to a reader with a bad light sensitivity disorder? Like irlen syndrome? I have it and it realy makes me feel isalated as no one elce i have met has had it in eny form (and i have move a LOT) if u dont want to do that what about an s/o who has dislexia? (As u can probarly gess i have that to. Life is so cruel 🥲)

Whatever problem you might be facing, whether it be physical or mental, he will be there for you. If you feel that it's hard to use your eyes, he will go to every doctor to try to find some kind of glasses to help you and if there are none, he'll be your eyes. The same with spelling and reading. He'll do everything for you. You don't have to lift a pretty finger :)

I would've spent all of babygirl silas money the first day tbh

my eye is twitching at that nicknAME

Hii I just read white bunny and I thought it was so good! It got me thinking about whether Silas would carry on treating the reader gently if they improved mentally or if he would go back to the way he was treating them before they ran away?

He would continue to treat them like he is. He's terrified of hurting you again and since you seem so happy when he treats you like this ... then he'll continue. Whatever you want, he'll do for you, don't worry about it. He's here for you ... always.

Hear. me. out.What if darling (s/o? Still don't know difference) ENJOY being in a basement (I am talking about Silas by the way) I mean, they (sorry i forget if s/o (darling) has a gender) think it's something like a minute just for them. No talking, no these annoying "baby" or "little thing", no forced touching. Just you ...and cold floor.

He'll be so pissed and change his tactics. You're not supposed to like his punishments! So you like the dark and quiet? No more of that. He'll be cuffing you two together and talking to you nonstop about how perfect you are and how he's going to keep you for as long as he wants to, aka really getting into your head.

I kinda want to bite Silas, he seem so chewy and acidic, green sour patch kid, especially his cheek, let me bite Silas, I need to bite Silas-

I mean ... he'd 100% like it so go ahead, leave some marks while you're at it.

[f0xgl0v3]

Camp Half Blood Schedule

As of now I have 14 pages for the schedule and describing stuff and activities and it’s all mush, my brain is mush and please I want to go home and see my family 🥺😭😭

In all reality this is a combination of procrastinating reading Tower of Nero because all the characters I really care about have been drop kicked out of the narrative and I’m at my grandparents house. I have nothing to do and I have a horrible sense of time so let’s get into this (plus sometime down the line I’ll go over HoO re-imagining like. Camp Jupiter processes but I’m reading some books about the Roman legion so I’m gonna, tough that out and then report back lol)

Disclaimer!! I don’t know what time is, time is something that eludes my brain and the only summer camp I’ve been to was a Christian one with a foster family because I was bored that summer and I said why not (I’m not Christian but it was funny). Also I like completely forgot if there is anything in the books that actually have schedule lore. I forgot most things with CHB to be honest.

So anyways, actual meat and potatoes

7:30- wake up and get ready. Yes 7:30 sounds reasonable to me. It gives the kids 30 minutes before breakfast and campers can wake up before the ‘official’ time.

On Fridays we have cabin inspections, dictated by the arbitrary ‘one day we picked someone to do it first and now we’re on a rotation’.

8:00-8:30; breakfast time, yes you only get 30 minutes for breakfast we have things to do and does it take you more than 30 minutes to gobble up breakfast? (No judgement it took me 2 hours to eat lunch one time) but If I ever let the other 13+ pages of notes come to light they’ll be more in depth stuff about. Everything, but breakfast time includes

- one cabin setting up the Dining Pavilion

-Everyone offering to the Gods

-Morning announcements!

-yum actually eat food

-plate staking/cleaning up the tables

8:30-10:00; the first activity. The activities are your going to the arena, or the forge, all that jazz. Uh, there’s a board in the Big House where counselors set up the schedules (as in signing up for activities n stuff and coordinating) I’ll get into it someday. Maybe.

10:00-12:00; Activity 2/downtime. Because pinky swear just chilling is an activity. Downtime is important. I wrote down that cabins can sign for the same thing back to back if they so wish. Also the rules are looser than the words clinging onto my brain so really anything happens. It’s CHB they laugh in the face of a rule.

12:00-12:30; Lunch time. Nothing special about it. Uh ,:3

12:30-2:00; third activity. Action packed days for the win!

2:00-4:00; fourth activity time. Also probably when most of the campers start cabin revolts. No one agrees on a schedule most of the time.

4:00-4:30; actual specific free time. Some moments to gather round and chill out. You’ve already spent most of your day, doing something.

4:30-5:30; activity 5. Most of the time this can just be a continuation of the free time.

Don’t ask me what those extra 10 minutes are for no one really ever knows

After 6 o’ clock no one is allowed on the lake. Sorry man

6:00; also the beginning of Dinner. Dinner goes as planned, usually with some Camp wide event happening because of course. Can’t have good stuff here at camp/j

7:00; Camp Sing-a-long times!

7:30-8:00; your stuck in the Cabin circle but at least you get those last few minutes to hang out without the threat of harpies later in the night.

8:00; all campers enter cabins for like getting ready to go to bed and stuff. Get your last conversations in

8:30; official curfew is in effect. No one can leave the cabins except for counselors who need to plan the next day because they aren’t planning their full week on Sunday.

I have notes also on like. Everything else ,:3 Chiron gets lessons and the Cabins have to do those and stuff. Sorry I haven’t been, posting long posts like this for a while lol. I’ll probably get some HoO re-imagined Camp Jupiter content out once I finish this one book I’m reading and have my CJ notebook (yes I do have a whole notebook dedicated to CJ there’s my fun fact). Also, at some point I’d like to introduce Charlico (Chiron’s WIFE) to CHB if possible. Love you Charlico/j

Okay ,:3 I think I sound a little delirious, tomorrow I have to get on a plane and after that I have to go stay a week at someone else’s place. I’ll see all of you soon to talk about the forge or something. Or maybe I’ll finally get my master lists all sorted out and stuff lol.

[deesseshesca]

PAC : Life update 

 DING ! DING ! DING ! Last stretch before school start again. 

FLASH SALE 

For the next 2 weeks all readings on my ko-fi is 20$, only 

!!!GIVEAWAY!!!

There’s 3 spot open for a free full reading (audio form) 

To participate: You must like, re-blog and comment on this post. 

With much love, Shesca 

Good evening,pretty souls, let’s check out your last run around the block before you go back to being responsible. 

Choose the image that’s speak to you and allow yourself to soak ONLY what’s reasoning with YOUR SITUATION 

Rules and Disclaimer 

I am the type of tarot reader to say as it is. Nothing is sugar coated but everything is sent with good intention. If you are not ready to face some truth, you should vagabond somewhere else. 

TW: DV,Addiction

PILE 1 

What’s going on inside your mind ? 

Star (reverse), Ace swords (Reverse),1122

STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM 

You guys are overwhelmed with everything that’s going on in your life. You need to work towards a happy life. I’m hearing, ‘’ BUT I’M ALREADY DOING IT !’’. B*itch calm down. You are not doing it. You are so used to sadness that when nothing is happening in your life, you choose to fill that void with sad music, gut wrenching books or trauma full movies. Even in times of peace you CHOOSE to feel bad and the fact that you can’t even recognize how mess it is. Just show how deep in the victim mentality you really are. 

STOP MOVING GOALS 

Stop following that unexpected willpower at 3 am. Is probably a manic episode but anyway… I digress, stop thinking you can change your life overnight. You need to go one step at a time. Wake up and schedule what you can do. Not what you want to do. And allow grace to be with you, because even if you fail just know you are actively working towards something great. Then just that on its own is worth a standing ovation. 

What does the heart want ? 

You are dealing with a super bad person, I felt like punching him/her a couple times through my screen. Him/Her cheated on you, broke up with you and expected you to stay faithful. How the heck on this green earth does that F*CKING work ?!

Ace swords, Tower (reverse) 

Open communication 

Your relationship may be facing challenges (alter ego: YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS IN THE GUTTER) and you need to allow yourself to speak up (alter ego: what are you.. a dog ? Why do you have to ask permission to speak). Right now, you don’t speak. You are even scared to voice your emotion because you are scared he/she will flip on you. Which usually ends up withyou  running in the bathroom crying and then him/she yelling like an animal. He/she abuses you verbally. You know, they know, I know you are one fight away from them connecting their fist to your face. Instead of leaving, you are reminiscing about all the time you have spent on this relationship. Babe is time to choose. You OR this relationship (Alter-ego: Girl/Boy that’s no relationship, that’s a toxic mess. They deserve to feel my wra-)

!!!GIVEAWAY!!!

There’s 3 spot open for a free full reading (audio form) 

To participate: You must like, re-blog and comment on this post. 

💌If you want more insight regarding the situation you can always message me for a private reading, especially since they are on sale at the moment. You can comment a purple heart, 

Much love, Shesca 

PILE 2 

Check in: You have big boobs. Way bigger than normal and you love it. Most people in your situation may wish to have a reduction but you love it there. If you are an owner of a ‘’d’’, you may have a big d. That’s it,that’s all. 

What's going on inside your mind ? 

9 cups (reverse), Ace Pentacles (Reverse) 

Not everything that glitter is gold 

There is a contract that’s going to be presented to you. First you do deserve recognition. You've been putting in the work, the hours and you BEEN patient. Now is finally time to reap what you sow but be careful the same way you know your potential. The same way others see it and see big profit. Before you sign your life away in a slave contract that’s going leave you broker than broke, plz read all the little characters on the paper. 

You act like you are better than everyone. Nothing is ever good enough and nobody can seem to please you. You are full of yourself. You are so F*CKING immature 

CUT ! You have a very toxic family and that’s what they think of you. If you were looking for confirmation, here u go 

What does the heart want ? 

King pentacles, Hierophant 

You are in a happy and secure relationship. They are generous, dependable and very protective over you. They don’t care about anyone except you. They've been telling you that your family is your number one enemy. You refuse to take their opinion in. They want to get married, have children and fill out taxes with you and only you. Go ahead Pile 2, send them that pinterest board with all your wedding requirements, they will love it ! I sense that you are as possessive with them as they are with you. Awww, I love some equally possessive couple. Plus, they will do anything to have you and KEEP you. 

!!!GIVEAWAY!!!

There’s 3 spot open for a free full reading (audio form) 

To participate: You must like, re-blog and comment on this post. 

💌Pile 2, tell me all the tea in the comments. What is, your cousin or your own brother ? Who is the hater ? Anyway if you like the reading you can always message me, especially since they are on sale at the moment. 

Much love, Shesca 

PILE 3 

What’s going on inside your mind ?

Ace cups , 3 cups (reverse) 

You might be a functioning addict. 

GO GET THAT PREGNANCY TEST 

Plan B failed. Trust me babe, better now than later. Clench your coins and go check on the 2 bars. 

NO MORE ‘’Get it Sexyy’’ 

You might be trying to run away from  the truth but Pile 3, you need to stop and sober up. You have an alcohol/weed addiction. You are so exhausted. Just to keep up, you were pondering on trying some other drugs. Stop babe. Right now you don’t like the people you are surrounded with but you lost all contact with your family. Making amends with them is your best bet, I know it can be hard. But better you spend time trying to get better than wasting it away unhappy knowing damn well you have too much to offer to the world. 

What does the heart want ?

Ace cup (Reverse), knight wands, 

They STILL and FOREVER want you 

You know you f*ck up. They loved you. Treated you well and just because they question your commitment a little too much to your liking. You went out of your way to show them you did not need them. I feel like you guys were at a party or the club and you kiss someone randomly. Now there is no contact. There is no official break up but there’s no communication going on between y’all. This is prime self-sabotage. You know damn well all they wanted was some communication, just to prove that they matter to you. They feel like you treat them like a simple sneaky link and it ain’t fair. Especially when you know they are the only ones in the corner. You know, they know, I know: they are going nowhere. They are so attracted by your independence and charisma but you keep using your quality against him/she.

 

!!!GIVEAWAY!!!

There’s 3 spot open for a free full reading (audio form) 

To participate: You must like, re-blog and comment on this post. 

💌Is it positive ? Don’t worry pile 3, I know you are going to figure it out. If you need more support you can always message me especially since my reading is on sale at the moment. 

Much love, Shesca 

PILE 4 

You worked very hard to finally enjoy the life you have right now. Going on trip, exclusive pool party and twerking your a*s with your ratchet friends. You always save from pregnancy scared. Damn girl, you are lucky. If you are a man, you know damn well you should not be hitting it raw. But you did it anyway, lucky for you no pregnancy and no disease. 

What’s going on in your mind ? 

10 pentacles, Death (reverse), 3333, 

Keep working hard and playing harder. 

Expansion is on the horizon . I’m talking to the nail artists that love creating crazy drawings in all types of fonts, hair stylists that excel in dying hair, lash tech that are always book and mua that finally got their social media success. Is time to dream big. I'm talking about your own studio, your own lash equipment, your own hair care or even your own 1:1 teaching class. 

Kill the devil 

Don’t let the bad thoughts make you doubt the legitimacy of your success. Babe you did ! YOU ! All on your own. 

What does the heart want ? 

King wands (reverse), 8 pentacles (reverse), ‘’Yes! I cheated’’ 

Y’all are messing with the baby daddy of someone. At the time you did not know and did not care. As of now, you still don’t give a f*ck. Like that’s not your business that he cheated on her with you. All you care about is to have a good much. And he is, so he stays in rotation. If you are a man, you don’t care that she has a boyfriend at home. If she wants to suck your nuts then be it. Is not your fault she’s begging for it. Might as well make her dream come true. 

!!!GIVEAWAY!!!

There’s 3 spot open for a free full reading (audio form) 

To participate: You must like, re-blog and comment on this post. 

💌I support women's rights but more importantly women's wrongs ! Guys, is the head really worth all that fighting with bf, don’t let me hanging all I need is the tea in the comment section. Until then, if you want more shady tea regarding your situation, you can always message me. The readings are on sale at the moment. 

Much love, Shesca 

[carrymelikeimcute]

Stop Stealing from Authors

As an author, please please PLEASE do not download 'free' ebooks or listen to 'free audiobooks' on YouTube etc.

Books take work to research and write, and author advances are already incredibly low, without us having to PAY THEM BACK to the publisher because the book isn't earning enough. Authors are already earning far far below the minimum wage per hour of work we put in.

Many ebooks are incredibly cheap already and have regular price drops down to 99p/$0.99, and are FREE using a library app.

Audiobooks likewise can be accessed digitally for FREE via the library.

Authors in countries like my own receive a small amount of money when you access our content via the library. Money which means we can keep writing books. Using the library also gives them visitor numbers and incentivises funding, preventing library closures.

Funding piracy makes the already very hard job of writing as a career even harder and endangers library resources.

'Well then maybe you should get a real job' I have a job, and that job is being an author. It is very entitled to tell authors that we need to essentially have a full time job AND still produce content for you to enjoy for free, at a speed/quality which makes writing also a fulltime job.

As a fulltime author I wrote 3 novels last year, each with 4-5 rounds of edits at different stages in the process. I also edited the two books I wrote the previous year during that time. Hundreds of hours of work. And I have since seen piracy websites making money off of that work.

Saying that piracy 'expands the reach of our books' is as insulting as being 'paid in exposure'. If you want something that someone made, you have to pay them for it. It is not doing someone a favour, to steal from them. And let's be real - how many people are you telling about each book you steal? Are you recommending the piracy site to others in the same breath? Are you just rating on goodreads and counting that as 'payment' for what you stole?

If you want to get a free book and 'expand the reach' - sign up to Netgalley and get free books in exchange for posting reviews.

'But then I can't read all the books I want to read' - Why should you get everything you want? Genuine question. I don't have all the make-up I want, or all the decor I want, but I'm not shoving stuff in my pockets because it's not fair that I don't get to have everything my magpie brain desires. You don't have enough time in your life to read every book anyway. You have to choose.

I bet you also have more than one unread book in your possession, right now. Probably a TBR pile. Why do you need another one for free, when you have books to read? And if you don't want to read those books, you can access every book, via the library.

Authors would even prefer that you buy our books second hand, because at least that 1. is good for the environment as it keeps books out of landfill and 2. benefits charity if you purchase for a charity bookshop/ doesn't benefit pirates. And 3. unlike a stolen ebook, you can donate it again and it will be visible on a shop shelf, attracting new readers.

'You should write because you love it, not for money' I do write because I love it, that's why I spent years learning my craft and working to get published. So I could do this as a job. I even write fanfic on the side as a hobby, and that is VERY different to writing publishable novels for my editor - I get to do all the fun stuff with none of the WORK that my writing job requires.

I don't love being told what setting/theme is 'hot right now' and needs to be in my next novel. Or re-reading my book for the 15th time to look for typos, or spending 4-5 hours every morning writing to meet a crunch deadline and the rest of the day brainstorming the new idea which is due in a week, answering emails and editing. It's my job, not a hobby, and it's not all fun, all the time. No one page edits for the LOVE of it.

'If buying isn't owning, then piracy isn't stealing' - Unlike films/tv, books are still available as physical media you can own forever. They're also less likely to vanish from your ereader because they aren't licenced like a tv show.

'I don't want to support a horrible person but I still want the book' - so...you agree that pirating does nothing for the author? Good. Because that 'spreading awareness stuff' we already covered, is bullshit. But if they're so terrible...why do you want to read something that was invented in their brain, and is likely full of their terrible values/dog whistles? Why not find new authors to support instead of hate reading/continuing to absorb content from people you fundamentally dislike?

Lastly, the argument I routinely see is that 'it's just the same as lending a copy to a friend'. It is not. Firstly because you're putting money into the pockets of those who stole our work, via ad-rev on their sites, whereas lending a book to a friend doesn't result in you making money off of someone else's work. But also, lending the book to ONE person is not the same as making it available to EVERYONE. I just filed a copyright takedown on one of my new books which already had 200+ hits. Unless you plan to lend a physical book to 200+ people, you will not do that same amount of damage as piracy.

[tieronecrush]

Hi! I loved water in your hands even though I accidentally read part 2 first 😩, can I please request a little drabble from readers pov when Joel just cut her off and missing work etc when he got married? No worries if not! Just wanted to say I really enjoyed reading :)

well thank you anyways for returning to read part 1!!! and i am so happy that you enjoyed reading!

i’m not sure if you checked out the playlist for the series that i made (spotify / apple music), but liability by lorde made it on there because it is literally what i imagined reader would feel during that time. my hopeless romantic who has never felt chosen </3

liability

drabble for “water in your hands” series

rating: M

word count: 1.2k

summary:

They say, "You're a little much for me / You're a liability / You're a little much for me" / So they pull back, make other plans ' I understand, I'm a liability / Get you wild, make you leave

warnings: angst, insecurity, self doubt, mentions of water/drowning

You didn’t even have any last words from him to mull over. The last thing you’d heard from him was him asking if you were okay as you lay next to him in the middle of that field.

Instead, his silence has sharpened the knife that he’s driven into your heart, his lack of acknowledgment of everything that happened twisting it to carve out a large space for the pain to seep in. And when you’d heard that he was dating someone else, seriously dating, according to Tommy, the knife was pulled clean out and stabbed into your back.

He’d spent one night with you, and somehow that was enough for him to know that he didn’t want you. All of those messages you thought he’d sent now mixed, your recollections of those fleeting, flirty moments poisoned by the knowledge that he didn’t want to be pulled into your storm.

It was the only reason you could think of that maybe drove him away. You knew that you weren’t settled, that you had your own issues to grapple with from everything you’d been through prior to Jackson, but you were secure in yourself. Maybe Joel didn’t want to deal with your shit on top of his own.

You were a little too much for him; a liability to his own healing.

You were on your own at the end of the day, superficial friendships and mere acquaintances belonging in the daylight. The only seemingly real friendship that you’d grown here was with his brother, and the saying goes “blood is thicker than water.”

Returning to a lonely house, yellowy lamplight bathing your space but doing nothing to warm your insides. You spent nights on your own, re-reading your favorite novels from the worn shelves in your cozy living room or spinning a record to dance around and forget for a few minutes. In those times, you were thankful that you were still looking out for yourself, that you still had your own back despite all of the doubt your own mind had grown.

In those solitary hours, all you had were your thoughts, which revolved around him, throwing you into a cyclical whirlpool of heartache. Only when you thought you’d pulled yourself out, had finally felt the heat of the sun on your face above the surface, one single memory of his fingers brushing your thigh or his lips ghosting over yours or a whisper of your name rips you right back into the current.

He left you behind and moved on.

Dating someone else, ignoring you for days that turned into weeks, that’s now become months.

You remember the day you found out that they were engaged.

It happened at the end of your shift, your coworker Tracy popping in to have a nightcap. She was tipsy already, spilling where she had been prior to coming to the bar. There was a party at Tommy and Maria’s, she’d said, a wide drunken smile on her face as she excitedly gossiped.

“They threw Joel and Heather an engagement party! How sweet is that?”

Engagement? Engagement. Engagement.

Engagement led to marriage.

Marriage was meant to be for life.

And Joel never does anything half-assed.

One time, a few weeks after Joel had returned to Jackson, you’d let yourself daydream indulgently. It’d been about him, about what you envisioned a life with him would look like. You’d pictured your own wedding, the closest people to you both the only ones in attendance. In your imagination, you’d seen your brother there, your sister, too.

It was a dream because, even if you ended up with Joel, you never thought he would get married. He was loyal, devoted, committed no matter what jewelry was on your fingers. Those traits were intrinsic to him. You didn’t think something like that mattered to him; he would be a husband, a partner to you without any ceremony.

Clearly, you didn’t know him as well as you thought you did.

Their engagement was fast. You’d heard from Tommy about a month later that the wedding was happening at the weekend. Bile coated your throat, burning acid settling there for the rest of the afternoon that you spent at work. You’d returned home that evening, crawling into bed and crying yourself completely dry and numb.

You didn’t leave that spot for days. Skipped out on work. Ignored the knocks at your door from Tracy, Maria, even Tommy. Limbs felt too heavy to move, bones ached deeply, dull pain sawed at your constricted heart.

Thoughts kept steamrolling each other, your brain was unable to shut them out as you spiraled silently alone.

A toy. A plaything. A little doll.

An achievement to be conquered.

He’d played with you; bantered with you. He was flirty -- suggestive at times. But once you’d given him everything, unveiled your thoughts and feelings to him in hopes of him returning them, even just accepting them, he’d gotten bored. There was no more chase. You’d rolled over like prey, submitting to anything he could have wanted from you.

You were only exciting to seek in the night, ghostly touches in the bar and a chance encounter under the moonlight.

Naive. Childish. Too much.

Delusions of a perfect summer with Joel changing with the leaves and eventually becoming rooted together had blinded you from his true intentions with you.

You were better off on your own, so it seemed the universe was telling you. Losing your siblings, your family, lacking friendships, and now your prospect for love slipped through your fingers in a rush, fleeting efforts made to contain it like water in your hands. No matter what, it would have found cracks to drip through, and eventually drained completely.

He evaded you, leaving you in an unrequited romance. You were in love with him. And now he was married to someone else, in love with someone that he could easily be with no disadvantage or opportunity for embarrassment. There were no means to confess your found feelings, so you lay for hours in your bed while tears soak your pillow and words are branded into your mind.

I’m in love with Joel Miller, and he won’t ever love me.

You repeated it so many times that it sounded like the truth, like gospel, and then, at a certain point, like a foreign language. The words eventually meant nothing in their countless repetitions, the weight of your self-confessional lessening with each second passing. Your limbs felt lighter, bones less sore, and the grip of pain on your heart loosened.

In the next moment, all you could think about was feeling the warm summer air on your face again. Finally, after days isolated, you were going to take a chance to disappear into the sun. You’d pulled yourself out of bed, changing into fresh clothes.

With one glance out of your window, the plans were soured when you saw it was sunset, that you’d have to wait until morning for your walk in the light. You decided to stay up all night to be able to catch the sunrise in the grazing field. To occupy yourself, you milled about your kitchen and living room, doing the small pile of dishes that had accumulated and straightening up the place. The clock on your wall read the early hours of the morning, and with no other chores to do, you turned towards your collection of books.

As you thumb through your shelves to find another novel to escape into for a few hours, the sound of knuckles lightly rapped on your door.

tagging the usual mutuals: @swiftispunk @joelsversion @johnwatsn @midnightswithdearkatytspb @pedrit0-pascalit0 @theelishad @undrthelights @ladamedusoif @ruinedbylanadelrey @thetriumphantpanda @pedgeitopascal @dinsdjrn @thepascalofus @pedgito @soaringcloud @somedayauthor @alloftheimagines @pr0ximamidnight @beskarandblasters @atinylittlepain @scrambledslut @lunapascal

[almostfoxglove]

hey there you enchantress of words and feelings

i am writing to you from the depths of a sleepless night (and extremely tired day at work with absolutely no regrets AT ALL would do it again no questions) spent rereading all of i’ll carry you and finishing the last chapter at the early hours of dawn with no one but the stark light of my humidifier to witness the tears rolling down my cheeks.

idek where to start? this was already one of my absolute favorite javi stories but now i think it might have just beat that to become the eternal javi story etched into the grooves of my brain.

i cried for her and her shattered heart that only has the strength to put itself back together for him. i cried for her and her shattered heart each time it thought it was done breaking for him. i cried for her and her shattered heart when it was finally settling (only settling because it would never beat for anyone else but him) for another soul even tho it wasn’t made to fit with another. i cried for her and her shattered heart when it saw him again and realized he would continue to shatter her every day now that he’s tangible again.

and then i read his pov (that i had put aside until this final chapter was released) and cried all over again for him and his shrinking heart that only unfurled in her presence. i cried for every time he came close to presenting his gentle heart at the pedestal of her but never actually did. i cried for all the years, days, and minutes that they were so close yet so far and not even the strongest forces could either bring them together or pull them away from the gravity of each other.

i cried because, i consider myself somewhat of a “late bloomer” - in my early twenties without much to show for romantic entanglements. not to say i haven’t loved because i have but never in a soul-shattering way. and i have cried many times for all that time that seems to have passed without my heart knowing where to put all that love it carries so easily. so reading about these two and how they find each other even after everything that has passed was almost like that weighted blanket that pulls javi under the depths of sleep. this story was that weighted blanket that gently enveloped my weary heart and slowly lulled it to sleep.

ANYWAY (jesus get a grip woman) i apologize for all this rambling. i just didn’t know where to put all these feelings that have been swimming through me all day, at work, hours after i read the last line. this story has taken up a special place in my heart and i will be revisiting as many times as i need to be enveloped by the love of these characters and lulled into a sense of security.

thank you for sharing this beautiful and soul warming piece of art with us and thank you for sharing all your scribblings with the world 🤍

i’m sure i’ll have more to say but for as of right now i’m gonna continue thinking about these two for as long as i can.

p.s. after reading the javi pov drabble i couldn’t help but wonder if you’ve thought about his pov for more situations? like when he leaves that second time (for four years) and when he pretends not to see her after the wedding dress day or any other times. i would love to keep swimming through his pov!

oh my god anon you're making me cry into my coffee rn (tears of LOVE) - I cannot believe how thoughtful and generous this is of you to write / send. speaking of enchanter of words & feelings hello?? this ask is poetry?? I am so fucking touched that you were so touched by I'll carry you - that series has been my favorite to work on so it just means so much that it's close to your heart, too.

I'm so glad that despite all it's angst (sorry to javi I swear you're my favorite pedro boy baby idk why I put you through the wringer with this one) that it's still a comfort to you?? like that's actually gonna make me full on weep to think about I'm so fucking honored <3

re: more javi pov - I am... certainly not opposed to this >:-) I've got a bunch in my writing queue that'll have to come first but I do intend to come back to these two in one shots in the future, sooooo I'm popping this in my ideas doc :,) I'm really so touched that you'd want to read more from them (sobsobsob)

thank you so much for reading & being so fucking sweet to me. I love you sm anon - I'm holding ur hand through the internet right now, ok? you're a fucking gem x

[luniidae]

~ Of Gold and Blood ~

~ How it started... ~

Chapter III

Note: Hi everyone! While I was re-writing chapter 3, I realized it was so long that it ended up being a whole new chapter... So, here we are! Now I need to update the chapter's numbers 😂

You can now read it on AO3 ✨

              Luvia had become an inhabitant of the House of Hope, and the least we can say is that the weeks that followed were the most exciting of her life. 

For the first time the young girl lacked nothing. She had a roof over her head, a huge room just for her, enough to eat morning, noon and evening, and no one to mistreat her. She was even taught to read and write, both common language and the Infernal one, and everything was going well.

 

             The years spent in Neverwinter had been rough for her, but according to Raphael, it had been a blessing in disguise. They had made Luvia a particularly obedient child due to her strong instinct for self-preservation, and she never complained about anything, unlike the mortal offsprings he saw from time to time when he visited the material plane. How annoying they could be...

Besides, the devil didn't remember having ever heard her ask for anything, not even the slightest toy. So one day, as if to reward her for her diligence and good behavior, but also to make her even more dependant, he gave her a stuffed mouse that she almost never took off.

               An entire year had passed since her arrival, and Luvia had caught up on the most basic knowledge that any child her age had. She had gotten her bearings and was following a routine that couldn't be simpler: every day, spread over several hours, Luvia studied languages, conjugation, sciences or mathematics with the Archivist.

Then she learned to awaken her magical potential with Korrilla (whom she really liked). She then had a few hours of free time during which she tried out the organ which was in the archives room, to the great dismay of its occupants.

Her attempts were very clumsy, but her stubbornness aroused something akin to affection in Raphael (in his own way, of course). Pride perhaps? Still, he took the trouble to show her the basics so that no one would risk losing their hearing in the future. Over time, he even ended up teaching her some melodies, and even the art of poetry.

               Although the presence of the young girl was easier to bear than he imagined, he didn't lose sight of his objective. As adorable and strong-willed as she was, Luvia was just a tool, another soldier in his gigantic army, maybe even his future right hand after Korrilla, who knows? If she continued to be this docile and efficient, then perhaps he wouldn't even need to break her to make himself obeyed.

She would carry out his orders without asking the slightest question and would perhaps even be ready to sacrifice herself if it allowed him to achieve his objective...

The thought left him dreamy... Having someone so blindly devoted on hand was something exhilarating. A Dracanist at that... If the stories he had read about them were accurate, then she would be an essential element in his plan the day he took control of Avernus, the Hells, and then the rest. .. Raphael almost shuddered, already imagining himself reducing to silence all those who could have disrespected him, overthrowing the other Archdevils one by one and showing the whole world that he wasn't just a simple Cambion.

                But in the meantime, the Dracanist was still only a little girl and her abilities were far from being sufficiently developed to consider such designs. And anyway, he was missing a much-needed element: the crown of Karsus. An artifact that, combined with others he already possessed, would be powerful enough to allow its wielder to rival the gods themselves.

Raphael knew where the crown was: safe in the archives of his father, Mephistopheles. The idea of knowing it so close and so far away at the same time was almost unbearable. How could it sit there gathering dust like a common museum antique? Such a work, such a power had to be put to good use, and who better than himself to take charge of it... 

              Sitting at his desk, elbows resting on the edge of the furniture, the devil pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to concentrate on other things. He had already spent enough time being angry with his sire, and brooding like he did wouldn't get him his hands on the precious crown any faster. So he decided to direct his attention to his next clients.

His eyes landed on a few notes, details of desperate people he had met recently, or was about to visit. Among this pile of paper there was a letter, given by Korrilla, written by a woman and addressed directly to Raphael.

Aware of his nature, she begged him to help her brother, a man for whom the term "hypochondriac" was a mild euphemism. She explained that he was terrified of dying. He distrusted everyone and everything and, paradoxically, was on the right track to meet the fate he so feared. The Cambion chuckled, this one promised to be fun, he thought...

               William was a human in his forties who lived as a recluse in his home in Waterdeep. All the shutters were closed, leaving very little room for daylight, and the floor was littered with various blankets. The place seemed almost deserted but not neglected.

The man spent most of his time on his bed, only leaving it to go to the amenities. His face was marked by fatigue and his silhouette, hidden by clothes that had become too big, suggested that he had eaten almost nothing for a long time. 

                 Suddenly, a smell of sulfur, smoke and cherry filled his nostrils. Alert and anxious, he cast worried glances in all directions, trying to find the source. Could his house catch fire? No, impossible, he hadn't used a candle for a while for this exact reason. William examined himself, a little panicked, checking his ribs, looking for the slightest clue, the slightest sign. But he was interrupted when a blazing glow appeared in the middle of his room. A humanoid figure emerged and the man screamed like he had never screamed before.

“Calm down…”, replied a voice that was intended to be reassuring. But the forty-year-old didn't seem very cooperative. He then heard a snap of fingers followed by an annoyed sigh, "I said, quiet."

For a few seconds, no sound came out of his mouth, which, at the time, made him panic even more. He was prostrate on his bed, his eyes filled with fear and riveted on this stranger who had just burst into his home.

He was a rather tall man, dark-haired, with a tanned complexion and an intense gaze. Exasperated, the latter continued...

"I am here at your sister's request. The poor thing seemed desperate and worried...", he glanced around, "...and rightly so, it seems"  There was almost a note of disdain in his words. 

The man on the bed tried to answer him, but he could only make a muffled noise. A bit like he had a piece of cloth stuck in his mouth. 

“Oh, yes…”, the mysterious stranger snapped his fingers again and the words came back to him.

"W-who are you?", William asked under his breath, "You came to kill me...?"

His gaze was full of apprehension as he waited for a response. The other man chuckled warmly.

"Where have my good manners gone" he said curtsying, "My name is Raphael, and no, I'm not here to kill you. Consider me more of a potential... Friend"

"How do you know my sister? What do you want from her?"

“Oh but she’s the one who came to me” he paused, as if for dramatic effect. “You see, she told me about your condition and thought I might just be the solution to a problem that is slowly killing you”

"A... A problem? What problem? I don't have a problem! And I'm not dying! Or maybe I am... No, I don't need any help. She’s worried for nothing, as usual. And you’re wrong too!”

“Oh really?”, resumed the Cambion in disguise, a mischievous smile on his face, “Yet I heard that you no longer even allow her to bring you food, for fear that it will be poisoned or rotten. You have spread these blankets on the floor because you are afraid of hurting yourself with a rusty nail, but you rarely leave your bed because you do not want to risk getting your feet caught in these same blankets and having a bad fall. You're also hiding in the dark for fear of... What again?" Raphael asked with a knowing look.

"... The sun... I'm afraid that the sun's rays would burn my skin...", his interlocutor mumbled shamefully.

"Ah yes...", he laughed, "No, but listen to yourself, do you think you're a vampire? Add to that the fact that you stopped sleeping for fear of never waking up, and you'll soon find yourself in the lead come face to face with what you have tried so hard to avoid"

William remained silent for a few moments, considering the words of his unexpected guest. He had to admit that he wasn't completely wrong... No, to tell the truth, he was completely right. He had been abusing his own body for days. If he continued on this path, he would eventually give up for good. 

"What.... What do you suggest? I can't get out, it's impossible. Believe me, I tried but it's too much for me"

“Nothing is impossible, my dear friend”, replied the devil with a confident look,

“I could make your life more pleasant with a snap of my fingers” he said, matching his words with his actions. 

The poor guy's eyes almost seemed to sparkle despite the dim light. The prospect of leading a life devoid of all fear seemed surreal to him, but also terribly attractive. 

"I'll do anything you want! Absolutely anything! Anything! Just tell me..." William exclaimed. 

"Come on, there's no point in rushing. Your case may look hopeless but you still have a few days ahead of you" Raphael replied calmly, "Let me think about our little arrangement and when I've made up my mind, I'll come back to you"

With these words, and despite the pleas of his new future client, Raphael disappeared in a whirlwind of flames, once again making the man scream who thought he saw his house burning.

              Back at the House of Hope, Raphael considered his options regarding William's case. The poor man was obviously ready to do anything to return to a somewhat normal life, and it was a safe bet that selling his soul was part of that. It wasn't a particularly complicated or interesting case.

In fact, the devil was almost tempted to let him languish in his pitiful room, but he had made a pact with the latter's sister and he felt in the mood for honoring his end of the bargain. 

As fate would have it, young Luvia walked past the open door of his office at that moment. It only took a few seconds for an idea to cross his mind... 

“Luvia” he said in an almost authoritative tone.

The sounds of small footsteps stopped, before starting again, and the little girl appeared in the doorway, her stuffed mouse in her arms.

“Come closer” he said with a wave of his hand. The young girl complied.

She stopped in front of his desk, her big red eyes fixed on him. Raphael stood up and placed one knee on the ground in front of her to put himself at her level. His gaze rested on the two bony growths that adorned her little head.

He remembered reading that the Dracanists' horns were the source of their regenerative abilities. He pinched the tip of one between his fingers, feeling again that kind of magical flow he had felt the day she arrived at his abode. Perhaps the writings were true? After all, he had also read that some people were once willing to do anything to get one... Absolutely anything... Blindly everything. But there was only one way to find out...

"Luvia, my dear... You have always been a good girl. You follow the instructions and you progress quickly. I admit that I have never had anything to reproach you for. You are... almost like a daughter, you know", he restrained himself from grimacing at his own words. For her part, Luvia couldn't help but look at him with a bit of admiration, waiting for his next words, "So I have a favor to ask you", he began, "You see... I would need this” he said, tapping one of her horns with the tip of his index.

               Luvia wasn't a very expressive child and it was sometimes difficult to guess what she was thinking or feeling, but this was the first time she frowned. She seemed a little worried, as well as not understanding why Raphael would suddenly need her horns. Noticing the confusion on her face, he hastened to add...

"You see, I meet a lot of people during my business trips... Sometimes desperate people who are looking for help. Help that I am usually more than willing to offer. But you know...", he stared at her, "Today I'm faced with a particularly difficult case... And to solve it, I need all the help I can get... Your help, Luvia", he insisted. 

The young girl seemed flattered. Was he really asking for her help? Hers, and no one else's? Really? This was a challenge she was ready to accept to make him proud. She simply nodded, trying to contain her enthusiasm to look more... "Professional". 

"Good" he said with a satisfied look, "Well, these horns are very special. They have incredible powers, they can heal, help... I only need a little bit of it anyway"

��Will it hurt?” the little girl asked.

“Not at all” replied the Cambion, “I would never do anything that could hurt you”

Luvia considered his words for a few seconds, and with a nod, she agreed.

                 Two days later, Raphael returned to William who seemed relieved to see him again. 

“Have you thought about it? Our arrangement?” the man asked in an almost desperate tone.

Raphael chuckled, "Well, yes... I think I found what you need", he presented his hand, and opening it, revealed a small piece of horn. His interlocutor seemed a bit surprised. 

"Wh... What is that?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"This, my friend, is the key to your new life. A Dracanist horn, an object as rare as it is powerful... Carry it with you at all times and you will no longer fear the slightest injury"

William looked skeptical for a few moments, "Oh?... I've never heard of it... Are you sure it works?"

                The Cambion pretended to be offended, "Are you trying to wound me, William? Do you know what I had to do, what hostile and unfriendly lands I had to visit to hope to find the rare pearl? If you are so reluctant to accept my gift, I can offer it to someone who will appreciate it at its true value... Which is priceless"

The man seemed to panic, trying to catch up with the situation, "No, no, no, that's not what I meant! I was just a little surprised. In... In the good sense of the word, of course! Haha, at least it won't take up too much space in my pockets...", he tried to calm down and caught his breath.

"Maybe you would need a little proof?" The Cambion approached and gave him the horn. Then he made appear a knife and handed it to him, "Cut yourself"

William stared at him, hint of worries in his gaze, "Wh... What? Why would I do that?"

"Do you want me to do it for you?"

"N-No, it's... It's okay", the man took the knife and reluctantly cut his own flesh in a painful expression, he was too scared to refuse anyway. The wound was nothing but a scratch, but a few seconds later...

"Is... Is it closing... The wound, it... It disappeared?!", he exclaimed.

"Of course it did"

"Okay... What do you want in return?"

Raphael smiled, "I just told you, it's a gift. You see, I've been feeling in a particularly generous mood lately. That said, I'm afraid I still have to inconvenience you with the paperwork"

"I'd sign everything and anything at this point", the man answered.

"I'm sure you would... You see, it's in my nature to set conditions, but since you already have enough suffered... Let's say... That you're going to hate mirabelles" he chuckled.

The forty-year-old's eyes widened, "I'm sorry...?"

“You heard me”

"Um... Well... I must admit that I don't really understand where you're going with that"

The devil didn't reply and made a parchment and a quill appear in front of him, then the whole thing floated towards William, "

                His interlocutor frowned, trying to understand what was happening. All this made no sense, but the poor man was in such a state that it was impossible for him to reason properly. He shrugged his shoulders and signed quickly. He would gladly stop eating mirabelles if that meant to live normally.

“Excellent, William... The horn is yours. Don’t forget to keep it carefully with you, and don't tell anyone about it. This will be our little secret”

The latter took the horn and examined it, he then looked at Raphael, "Thank you... For everything"

"The pleasure is all mine..."

When Raphael returned to the House of Hope, he promised Luvia that her horn had served a purpose, that it had helped someone, had made this someone's life better...

At least for a while.

He will not tell her that William, a few days after finding the courage to go out, had gradually felt a visceral hatred for his sister, Mirabelle. He will not tell her that in a fit of rage, he had killed her, and that upon realizing his terrible mistake, he had ended his life by throwing himself into a river, taking the horn with him into the depths. 

Two contracts, two souls, two birds with one stone...

To be continued...

[ironwitchau]

So, hello. I'm alive. Before I get started, this is a minor project I've been working on because the brain rot has been... intense. I'll probably also post this to ao3 at some point with some more edits, so if you see it here first and then on ao3 it might be worth a re-read. Idk. Anyway, here's a one shot of an AU that immediately took over my brain and refused to let go. If you see any typos, no you didn't.

The Beast in the Woods:

It was the closest thing to a normal morning as one could get on the TARDIS. Mostly because things like ‘normal’ and ‘morning’ weren't relevant on the TARDIS. But things were calm in the alien ship, and Rose Tyler had just finished a human’s average sleep cycle and stepped into the control room where the Doctor fiddled with the panel, readying the TARDIS to leave the vortex.

They went about their usual banter for the day, if not a little more strained than in days past. The Doctor couldn't really blame the human though. She had been more… restrained after their visit to 1987 London. But anyone would be if they had just watched a member of their family die, even though they tried so hard to save them. So he tried not to think too much about Rose being quieter than he was used to. There was a moment of silence between them as the Doctor debated on where to take them. He was pondering taking her to the universe’s largest library when Rose gave a suggestion.

“We should go on vacation.” She said, leaning against the railing.

“Vacation?” He repeated. Because, was she not already on vacation? A break from her mundane little life in the estates?

“Yeah,” she smiled that one smile, the one where her tongue stuck out just a little, “take a break from all the danger.”

The Doctor hummed. He quite liked the danger. Danger made life interesting, danger meant he could help others. Danger meant he could fix his broken promise. But humans were different, he had reminded himself. No matter what, humans couldn't run forever the same way he could, couldn't keep going head first into the life threatening situations with the same ease he did.

“There’s this great spa planet in the 31st century.” He told her, already moving around the console. “I’ll set course for a few years before it gets popular, avoid the crowd-”

“No. I don't want any aliens.” He tried not to take offense at that. “No distant futures either.”

“What do you want, then?” The Doctor huffed.

Rose moved closer to him. “Someplace where nothing happens. No alien threats, no experiencing a historical moment. Just a place to relax.”

“Sounds boring.”

“Exactly.”

Fine, if Rose wanted boring, he’ll give her boring. Although, as he thought over the given criteria, she never said anything about the place having history. A grin found its way onto his face as the Doctor danced around the control panel.

---

Luz Noceda decided that she hated Gravesfield, Connecticut. For one, it was a small town and incredibly boring. Even worse, it was a small town where everyone knew everyone and everything. People stared at the Nocedas, whenever the family went anywhere, like they were about to commit a crime or something.

Then, there was how Grandpa couldn't move with them. Back home, Grandpa would come over for family dinners every Friday night, where he would put Luz to bed and tell her stories about when he was young. Now, he lived 3 hours away and, even though her parents promised they would still visit, Luz hadn't seen Grandpa at all in the month since they moved there.

Although, Gravesfield’s biggest offense against her was it took her Papi from her. Sure, he was busy back home as an ambulance driver, but he still had time for her and Mami. He would spend his weekends with them, doing whatever they wanted. Now, days he weren't working were spent at the big fancy hospital that was nearby. Luz really did try not to be bitter about it, the hospital was supposed to help Papi get better, but she missed how her family was before they moved.

Luz was contemplating calling Grandpa as she walked down the empty streets. It was still summer, maybe she could convince him to come pick her up and take her home. Mami would probably be mad but Grandpa said it was better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Besides, Mami and Papi had talked about having her live with Grandpa before the move. They didn't know Luz was listening in on them at the time and they ultimately decided not to, but maybe it was still an option.

She took out her phone, a flip phone because Mami and Papi said she wasn't ready for a phone phone, and had gotten to her contacts when she heard it. The sound was hard to describe, a mix between a ‘whoosh’ing sound and a ‘vroom’ was the best she could think of. The curiosity she felt was overwhelming, so she really couldn't be blamed.

She ran up the street, just barely putting her phone away safely, to find the sound’s source. It had ended when she rounded the corner and all she found was a blue box, a few feet away. Luz was about to keep moving, when two people stepped out of the box.

The first person was a man with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He had large ears that seemed to stand out more thanks to his buzz cut. He wore a battered black leather jacket, a dark colored V-neck, dark pants, and boots.

The second was a blonde woman, who seemed much younger than the man, with brown eyes. She wore a plain white shirt, a pink jacket with a hood, faded jeans and sneakers. Luz wasn't sure how the two could be wearing jackets, considering it was on the warmer side today. She pushed those thoughts aside as the two began talking.

“Gravesfield, Connecticut, 2015.” The man said, stressing the year the same way Mami did when Luz got the date wrong. Then there was his accent, while similar to some she had heard, it didn't sound quite American to her. British, maybe?

“And what happens?” The woman asked with a similar accent.

“Absolutely nothin’.” He told her. “Gravesfield’s ‘bout as borin’ as it gets.”

“Fantastic!’

Luz frowned. She didn't understand why someone would want boring. Boring was the worst. It was just so… boring! No, Luz would much rather adventure.

She was going to listen in more, maybe even go up and ask them questions (like who on Earth would want boring), when her phone rang. She took out her phone to find ‘Mami Calling’ in bold blocky words staring up at her. She slid back around the corner and answered.

“Mija, where are you?” Mami asked as soon as the call connected. “It’s almost dinner time.”

Shoot. She hadn't realized it was that late. Although, in her defense, it was hard to see the phone’s clock with the numbers so small. “Sorry, Mami, I got distracted.”

She heard Mami’s exasperated sigh. “Just hurry back, ok?”

“Ok!”

With the blue box and strange people forgotten, Luz made her way back to the house.

---

In the dead of night, a loud roar echoed through the quiet town of Gravesfield. Most people ignored it, slept right through the disturbance, but three people tensed. One was a little human girl that had woken up to get water. The other two were time travelers, an alien and his human companion, who were on their way back to their spaceship.

“Maybe it's a bear?” The girl from 2005 suggested.

The Time Lord shook his head. “That was no bear.”

---

Luz stood just outside the forest near the house. The sound from last night sounded like it came from here and it terrified her. Because what the heck could make that noise? No animal that Luz knew of, and Grandpa made sure to teach Luz about all kinds of wild animals while Mami did the same for pets.

She could still run, get back to the house and pretend nothing was wrong. What could she do anyways? She was just a little kid.

“Sometimes you've got to do the scary things, because it means protecting your family.” Grandpa’s words echoed in her head.

If she left this alone, whatever it was, there was the chance it could leave the forest and enter the town. What would it do to the people? Would it leave them alone or attack? Would Mami and Papi be in danger?

That thought alone spurred Luz to grab the largest stick she could find, giving it a swing. She wouldn't let anything hurt her family. She would be like Grandpa and protect them. She marched into the woods. Thunder rumbled over head as storm clouds seemed to swirl and a cold breeze tried to make her shiver.

Luz came to a stop as she came across an old house. It was a, clearly abandoned, two story house with white walls and a brown roof that had a large hole in it. The door was in the middle of two broken windows to either side of it. There were four pillars at the front of the porch, acting as support. The stairs up to the porch were worn from years exposed to the elements.

Luz had never seen this place before. Then again, Luz hadn't gone this deep into the woods before. She turned to keep moving, when she saw it. The creature.

It was big, maybe the size of a bear or car, and had an animal body with a horrifyingly human face. It had completely black eyes, grayish yellow sharp teeth and long orange fur protruding from equally long, pointed ears. Its body was covered in burnt orange fur, or maybe those were feathers, and it had two dark brown wings and black feet that resembled a bird of prey’s.

Luz yelped and stumbled back, to put more space between the two of them, as she raised her stick. Ok, so maybe this wasn't her best idea.

---

The Doctor was a bit too confused to really listen to whatever Rose was going on about. He just didn't understand why something was happening now and here. The only truly eventful thing that was supposed to happen in Gravesfield should have already happened in the decades following the town’s founding. The town takes part in the witch trials and two brothers go missing, that was it.

But now, they had some strange creature making a ruckus, which led the two time travelers to the edge of a forest.

“There’s a residential area nearby.” Rose pointed out.

“The Wittebane cabin should be in there.” The Doctor said in response.

“Why are we checking a cabin?” She asked.

“‘Cause it’s thought to be a hot spot of weird things.” There and the old graveyard but that place was flooded so it was easier to check the cabin first. Honestly, he was doing Rose a favor.

“Do we really need to do this? Might not be anythin’ at all.”

As if to prove her wrong, a shriek emanated from the forest. It sounded young, and that was all the Doctor needed to know to start running. He didn't even bother to look if Rose was following him, he just ran.

The shriek led them to, what the Doctor was sure was, the Wittebane cabin. A large creature had cornered a child on the cabin steps. The child held a jagged stick in one hand and looked terrified.

“Rose!” The Doctor turned to his companion to see her bent down and picking up a rock.

“On it!” she told him.

The Doctor was on the move again. He was about halfway there when the rock flew by him and hit the creature. Rose must have a good arm because there was an audible thud and the creature reared back. The Doctor took his chance to scoop up the child and kept running. Rose would catch up to him, he was sure. He held the child to his chest, their chin resting on his shoulder.

He didn't know how long they ran for, only that he stopped when he came across another clearing near a small stream of water.

“Are you ok?” He asked as he put the kid down.

“Mhm.” The kid looked up at him in awe before seeming to analyze him. He took a chance to do the same to them.

He didn't trust his knowledge of human ages enough to guess but they were definitely young. They were tan-skinned with brown eyes and dark brown hair that went down to her shoulders. They wore a pink short-sleeved collared shirt with a blue overall skirt on top and a pair of muddy yellow rain boots. The child seemed fine with the exception of a small scrape on their right knee.

“Good. That’s good.” He sighed. The scrape might not have anything to do with the creature, could just be a consequence of them being young. The child stared into his eyes intensely.

“You looked like my Grandpa.” They said suddenly.

They said it so suddenly all the Doctor could do was let out a meek, “What?”

Because what? What did they mean he looked like their grandpa? That shouldn't have been possible, he hadn't even been thinking about the earth or a person when he regenerated into this face. No, he had been thinking of war, regrets, and how badly he never wanted another travesty on par with the Time War.

Sure, there was always that small possibility that there was a human out there that looked like any of his faces but running into their family was less likely. And the possibility percentage just kept lowering as he narrowed it down in time.

There was only one person out there who could recognize him as a grandfather, someone who’s mere mention of a thought of them could cheer him up, no matter how grumpy his face was. Susan, his actual granddaughter. Susan, who always seemed to recognize him.

But the Doctor wasn't even sure if Susan was still out there. Much like himself, Susan got called back to Gallifrey at the start of the Time War, and, even though he had tried his best to keep them away from her, she answered them. The last time he had seen her, in his 8th face, where she had been running from Daleks and he dropped her off on Kasterborous, was still during the war, before The Moment. He didn't know if she was still on Gallifrey, fighting in the front lines like himself, when he ended it all. By the end of the war, he was too scared to go look for her. If she had, could this young child be her? It wouldn't be surprising if she regenerated. They all did, eventually. But would she really have regenerated so young?

“Yeah,” the child continued as if she wasn't causing him an internal crisis, “you have the same look in your eyes that Grandpa has.”

“Oh.” The Doctor wasn't sure if he should be excited or disappointed. On one hand, they weren't Susan but on the other, they weren't Susan.

“I’m Luz.”

“I’m the Doctor.”

“Doctor who?”

The Doctor couldn't help but smile at that. Such a response never got old.

“Doctor!” Rose ran up to them and had to take a moment to catch her breath. “We need to get out of here, that thing wasn't too far behind me.”

The Doctor and Luz looked in the direction Rose came from and, sure enough, there was the creature. It stood at the edge of the clearing, glaring at them, but not moving.

“Why isn't it attacking?” He thought out loud.

“What?” Rose turned to look at the creature. “It's just standing there.”

“But why?” There was no reason as to why it wouldn't attack. The three were just standing there.

“Could we maybe figure that out somewhere away from the giant thing that wants to kill us?” Rose tried.

“I suppose.” No matter how much the Doctor wanted answers, there was a child with them. He couldn't put them at risk like that. He turned to Luz. “Let’s get you out of here.”

“But what about the monster?” Their voice wavered enough that he knew they were scared.

“Me ‘n’ Rose’ll take care of it. No need to worry.” The Doctor picked Luz up and help them to his hip.

“Yeah,” Rose chimed in, “we do this kind of stuff all the time.”

“Really?” Luz looked at them with child-like wonder.

“Yup! So you can go home, watch some telly and leave this to us!”

It was rather easy to get Luz back home after that.

---

It was when they had made it to her house that the thought occurred to Luz.

“What if it was protecting its home?” She asked, her keys left in the lock.

“What?” The blonde, Rose, looked confused.

“Yeah! Mami says that some animals react poorly to people in their home.” Luz snapped her fingers together. “She said they were terri- terr- terre-”

“Territorial?” The Doctor suggested as she struggled with the word.

She pointed at him. “Yeah, that!”

“That is a possibility.” The Doctor agreed.

“But then, what is it?” Rose crossed her arms.

“It definitely doesn't originate from Earth.” The Doctor said instead of answering.

“Like an alien?” Papi would be so jealous if it was and she saw it before him. He loved anything to do with space.

“Most likely.”

“Pretty mindless for an alien.” Rose quickly added, “Compared to the ones we’ve seen.”

“You've met aliens?!” Now she was a little jealous. Meeting aliens sounded so cool.

The Doctor chuckled at Luz and patted her head. “And you have too.”

“Oh, yeah.” She guessed if the creature was an alien, she technically had met an alien.

“As for the creature, it's likely around the same level as Earth’s wildlife.” The Doctor told Rose.

“Does that mean those animal cop people can take care of it?” Of course Luz didn't know if Gravesfield had those but they should, right?

“Ya mean Animal Control?” The Doctor asked and Luz nodded. “I doubt it. They dunno what it is.”

“Do you, Doctor?” Rose repeated.

He shook his head. “I've never seen a species like that.”

“Wouldn't be the first time.” The blonde sighed. “Can you figure out where its from? Like with the Slitheen?”

“Slitheen? Is that a kind of alien?”

“Maybe if we went over what we knew.” The Doctor shoved his hands into his pockets.

“If you're gonna do that now,” Luz turned the keys in the lock and opened the door, “would you like some chips?”

“God, I would love chips.” Rose gave a toothy smile.

---

Turned out Rose did not love chips, Luz found out as she dumped a few of the small chip bags Mami sometimes gave her for snacks.

“What are these?” Rose asked, sounding a little offended.

“Chips.” Luz took one of the bags for herself. She halfheartedly hoped that Mami wouldn't notice the two extra missing chip bags. She, also, really wasn't supposed to have people over without a family member there.

“These aren't chips.” She said, taking a bag and holding it out, as if Luz didn't know what was in her own house. “These are crisps.”

“What are crisps?” Luz asked genuinely.

"These!"

"But those are chips."

Rose was about to say something when the Doctor raised a hand.

“Rose, remember, this is America. Crisps are chips here and chips are fries.” He took a bag as a light bulb turned on in Luz’s mind.

“Oh! You wanted fries? I’m pretty sure there’s some in the freezer I could make.” She then added after a moment. “But someone will have to turn on the oven. And put them in. and take them out. And turn the-”

“It's fine, Luz.” The Doctor patted her head. “The crisps work. Right, Rose?”

“Yeah, was just a bit confused.” The blonde gave an apologetic smile.

“Ok!” Luz opened her bag.

“So,” The Doctor put his bag back down, “what do we know?”

“It walks on all fours?” Luz tentatively offered, a chip in hand.

“Right, that narrows it down some.” The Doctor nodded. “What else?”

“It’s big.” Rose said. “Maybe the size of a bear?”

“Narrows it down. What else?”

“It's that terri-thingie.”

“Territorial.” The Doctor corrected. “Narrows it down. What else?”

“It's got wings.”

“Narrows it down.”

Luz looked into her chip bag. Only crumbs were left. She shrugged, lifted the bag to her mouth, and shook it.

“The face looks human.” Rose added.

“Narrows it down.”

“It’s light sensitive.” Luz flattened her now empty bag.

“What?” The Doctor straightened.

“How do you know that?” Rose asked.

“It’s eyes.” Luz grabbed some stray papers and a pencil that were used to make grocery lists. She made a quick drawing of the creature’s face the best she could. She filled in the eyes completely. “They're all black. Grandpa told me that animals with these kind of eyes are sensitive to lights, so they only come out at night or on really cloudy days.”

“Why does your grandpa know that?” Rose asked.

Luz shrugged. Neither Papi or Grandpa really ever explained how Grandpa came to know such things. Luz asked once about it and then didn't ever again when Grandpa got a far away look in his eyes.

“That’s really helpful, Luz.” The Doctor told her. “Maybe this way, we can deal with the creature without causing too much injury.”

They kept talking, trying to figure out where the creature came from, with varying success. They didn't have too much to work on, which according to the Doctor made it hard to really figure out where the creature came from. That being said, the Doctor was confident he had enough information to try and deal with the creature.

“So, what are we going to do now?” Luz dusted her hands after throwing away three empty chip bags.

“Me ‘n’ Rose are gonna deal with the creature and you stay here to watch some telly until your mum and dad come home.” The Doctor said firmly.

“But I can help!” Luz argued.

Rose bent down, so that she was eye level with Luz, and put a hand on her shoulder. “Look, Luz, what we do can get dangerous. And the Doctor just doesn't want you to get hurt.”

Luz huffed and crossed her arms. “I found it! I should be able to help you.”

“And you have!” Rose looked to the Doctor.

“If not for you, we wouldn't know about the eyes.” He told her. “And that alone is a massive detail that changed things.”

She pouted at them but stayed quiet.  Rose pulled her into a hug, which Luz returned despite her annoyance. It was nice. The blonde pulled away and gave her a smile. “Everything’ll be ok.”

“I know.” Luz tried to hide her resentment at that phrase. She had heard it a little too much recently.

The Doctor gave her shoulder a squeeze and then the two left. Luz watched as they made their way back into the woods and wished she could join them on their adventures. It would be a nice break from dull, boring Gravesfield. Then Luz remembered the blue box that was too small to comfortably hold two grown people. She barely waited before running out the door to act out her impulsive thoughts.

---

Luz made it to the box and took it in. It was a dark blue wooden box with dirty yellow windows. Near the top of the box was a black sign with ‘Police Public Call Box’ in white. The worn white sign on the left door with a bunch of stuff Luz really didn't care about. The most important thing was the ‘Pull to Open’ at the bottom of the sign.

She pulled the door open and had to blink. Luz stepped into the box and stopped about where the box would have ended. Unsure, she took another step, expecting to run into a wall or something. That didn't happen. Nothing stopped her.

“Magic box!” Luz gasped and ran around the room.

The best way Luz could describe the inside was, having a coral theme, with coral support beams. The walls were colored gold and had small hexagonal impressions. There was a raised platform in the room’s center with some kind of six-sided console filled with so many random devices Luz wasn't sure what to mess with first.

Luz had to smack her cheeks to bring herself back into focus. She came here because she wanted the Doctor and Rose to take her on an adventure, like what they denied her. She was sure the box belonged to them and so she’d use it to ambush them into taking her. To do that, she needed to hide.

Too bad Rose and the Doctor took longer than Luz originally thought. By the time they got back, Luz had fallen asleep in her hiding spot.

[gaysindistress]

Things that I think would happen if Bucky dated an Egyptian!reader

Based on this request from @aesthetic0cherryblossom

disclaimer: credits to original creator/poster of image/gif. found on google/Pinterest

1. Bucky has always been fascinated with Ancient Egypt 

American Egyptomania is what they call the time of renewed interest in the culture of ancient Egypt that happened in America in the late 19th century and early 20th. Like I mentioned in my first Arab reader headcanon list, with Bucky being from Brooklyn it’s likely that he experienced more diversity than most. Also with how social he was, I genuinely believe that he would’ve experienced more than Steve. Anyways his exposure to ancient Egypt would have come from the many museums in New York that were a part of Egyptomania however his knowledge about “modern” Egypt would have stemmed from his interest in the first world war. Egypt had a significant but forgotten role in the war and with his dad dying during basic training, I can see him having a special interest in it and thus learning more about Egypt. 

Now, fast forward to 2023 a form of self-care for Bucky would be going to museums and essentially re-learning everything that he spent years reading about as a kid. And we know that he was a reader because he read the Hobbit when it first came out in 1937. It didn’t become mainstream until almost 3 decades later in the 60s so that would lead me to believe that he read literally everything that he could.

Back on track now, these museum trips are a way for him to catch up, as well as feel connected to who he was before. 

Since he is tied to D.C. thanks to his government mandated therapy,  he goes to the Smithsonian more than any other ones. He loves the Eternal Life in Ancient Egypt exhibit more than anything, and he visits it all of the time. 

Once again, this is where you come in. You two didn’t meet at the museum but instead literally ran into each other as he was leaving therapy. He was in a terrible mood and ran straight into you, spilling your coffee all over your white shirt. He felt awful and apologized profusely but you weren’t concerned. 

“I don’t even like this shirt anyways,” you told him with a smile that made him swoon. 

After that, he’d see you every week after his appointment and he slowly started to look forward to Dr. Raynor. She made a comment about it which he quickly shut her down saying that “maybe our sessions are helping or maybe I just want to get out of here.” She reminded him that she could extend his court mandated appointments if she thought it necessary. 

Finally he worked up the courage to ask you out and offered to buy you a new shirt. You accepted and told him that lunch would be a better replacement. He let you pick the place and you took him to Fava Pot, the only good Egyptian restaurant aside from your kitchen. 

The two of you talked for hours about everything and nothing at all. Slowly the topic of you being Egyptian came out and it took everything in him to not lose his shit. Before he could stop himself, he told you all about how he’d loved Ancient Egypt growing up and how he’d go to the Smithsonian almost weekly to look at the exhibits. At first you did say a word but then the giggles erupted for you, causing everyone to look at your table. You grabbed his arm and drug him out of the restaurant without a word about why and the poor guy was so confused. 

You finally explained that you would give him a real tour and alas your weekly museum dates were born.

2. Your culture is hard for him to grasp at first. 

Important note for this hc": there is a very old and heated debate about whether or not Egyptians are Arab. While I’m Arab, I’m not Egyptian and not at all qualified to even touch that debate. With that being said, the cultural differences were specifically requested so my hope is that this section comes across as neutral in regards to that debate. If it doesn’t or i get something wrong, please correct me. Everyone deserves accurate representation.

As I said in my first Arab!reader list, there is a lot of misinformation about the Middle East and North Africa which makes research very difficult. The above debate is a prime example of this. Bucky tries really hard to do as much research as he can on his own so that he can surprise (and impress) you but ultimately has to ask you. He takes it as a personal hit that he can’t do everything in his power to understand you better because you’ve done that for him. However you remind him that he’s an Avenger and literally has biographies written about him. 

“Rouhi, no one is expecting you to be a walking encyclopedia. Let me help,” you said in a gentle tone one night when he was getting frustrated with whatever show he was watching. 

“That defeats the purpose of me learning about your culture. I should be able to do it on my own,” he threw back from the couch where he’s laying with the cat that he definitely didn’t want on his chest. 

“You can do a lot of other things on your own. You’re a big boy, you’re 107! This, however, is difficult for anyone and I’m more than willing to help.”

He glared at you for calling him that and for pointing at his age but his gaze softened when you dropped onto the ground next to him with a plate of food. After that, in addition to your Arabic lessons, the two of you play trivia so he can learn more. It’s really you quizzing him on flashcards and every one he gets right, he gets a kiss. The arrangement works out in both of your favors really. 

3. The more serious your relationship gets, the more Egyptian traditions/norms he incorporates into your life. 

This starts out with little things like taking his shoes off when he walks in. With time he’ll start adding more things like visiting your family as often as you can as a couple and bringing some sort of gift, usually sweets or the chocolates that your dad loves. During dinner, he’ll make sure to get a second plate and leave a small amount leftover. He’ll change how he compliments you by making an effort to compliment specific things like how your hair looks that day or how he likes when you wear black. He’ll also start showing gratitude when you compliment him by responding to a compliment on the same thing. For example, if you tell him how good he looks that day, he’ll tell you that you look radiant. If you’re Muslim, he’ll add “Allah Yen’im ‘alik” which is how you wish someone Allah’s blessings (from my understanding). 

Eventually he acts more Egyptian than you when you’re with your family and your mom will not let you forget it. She’s always telling you that Bucky is such a good man and how he’d be the perfect son in law. Those conversations are usually followed by her asking when you’re going to get married and looking him dead in the eyes to make her point clear; hurry up and propose. Ever the charmer, he’s able to rely on that Brooklyn sweetheart that lives inside of him and move the conversation to something else. Of course, your mom knows what he’s doing but she’ll allow it because she can feel the proposal in her bones (and it never hurts to have that brilliant smile directed at you.)

[estellamiraiauthor]

The Stars May Rise and Fall: The Annotated Re-read (Chapter 11)

Welcome back to the silly project where I re-read my own book and comment on various things, like what was based on real life, what was totally made up, what I’d do differently if I could do it over again, and more! Spoilers abound, including spoilers for chapters beyond this one, so only click if you’re OK with that, thanks!

It’s starting to feel like these early chapters are following a pattern… Teru sees Rei, something happens to make him feel like shit, so he goes back to the band, and something happens to make him need or want to see Rei again? Maybe it just feels repetitive because I’m reading each chapter two or three times in a row now to annotate them?

Anyway, Chapter 11 picks up right where 10 leaves off, with Teru heading back home after the disastrous kiss and trying to distract himself again. There’s a sumo tournament on TV—this would be the Heisei 12 (2000) Nagoya Basho, I did make sure to get a sport that would actually be being aired on that particular day. (I like researching stupid details that no one is ever going to notice WAY too much.) And a soap opera about “a mother estranged from her gay son”—this almost certainly did NOT exist on Japanese TV 23 years ago. Even now, if there are ANY canon queer characters at all it’s like, a side character who has a crush on the MC but never gets a happy ending of their own. (Yet anime has queer characters, and has for a long time... it’s OK if it’s a cartoon or something? I have no ides.) But that was a creative liberty I wanted to take, just to remind Teru of what he was trying not to think about.

Unable to find anything in his apartment to distract him, Teru heads to the studio early and rents the room for an hour to pound out his frustration on the drums. I really like this scene because it’s one of the very few times we actually get to see Teru play the drums, and even though “having fun” isn’t really the word I’d use here, it shows that music isn’t just a career move for him, it really is something he enjoys and uses as a release.

Like Rei often isn’t really mad at Teru, I don’t think Teru is necessarily mad at Rei here… he’s really angry at himself for spending so much mental and emotional energy on something that won’t go anywhere, that CAN’T go anywhere (as far as he has convinced himself at the time). But it’s easier to direct that anger at someone else, or just pound it into the drums?

Then Minori shows up for rehearsal, and says they have a lead on a new drummer, if that’s OK with Teru. Teru is again sort of wishy-washy in his response—sorry? And I think that’s partly BECAUSE things didn’t go so well with Rei. He knows that Rei wants him to keep singing, but isn’t sure whether or not he wants to give Rei what he wants at this point. 

He DOES, however, actually give the band the minidisc with the new song Rei gave him the night before of his own accord, thereby perhaps becoming more of a Proactive Protagonist? Just a little?

MINIDISCS. Can I go on an aside about minidiscs? They were fabulous. You could put about 3 average-length CDs on one, and the portable players didn’t skip as badly as a Discman would. They weren’t usually used for selling commercial music, but a lot of people would put their favorite CDs (or demo tapes) on MDs for portability, use them to make mixtapes, or, in the case of musicians, to record their own songs. Definitely a nostalgia thing for me, but historically accurate!

Seika comes in, joking as always about the “wonderful boy” he spent the night with—this is definitely a defense mechanism. I think all of my characters have defense mechanisms of one kind or other. Rei acts like an asshole and pushes people away so they won’t have a chance to reject HIM. Teru replies to every question with “I don’t know, whatever you want,” because he can’t be disappointed with the way things turn out if literally anything is OK with him. Yasu acts like everything’s a joke, including himself. And Seika can’t really “pass” as straight, so he turns the camp factor up to 1,000, and that’s totally a shield. But this time, the “joke” kind of hits too close to home for Teru.

After rehearsal, they listen to the MD. This is the second time Teru has heard the song, and he internally comments that the first time, he was really only listening to the melody and the contrast between the operatic vocals and the really heavy backing track (nod to X Japan, anyone?), but the second time around he can enjoy the details. One of my very, very first readers left a comment on that line and said something to the effect of “I feel the same way reading back through this to leave comments!” and that was one of the nicest things any of my readers have ever said!

So, in terms of details to notice when we go back through this scene… Teru notices that all of the instruments are real, not synthesized—someone played this live, and it couldn’t have been Rei. While it IS possible to play the guitar with one hand (see this dude, he’s amazing!), I think that A) Teru simply doesn’t know that and B) I’m not really sure if it’s possible to play in a more metal style just by using the tapping techniques I was able to find... but mostly A. This is Teru’s point of view, and he doesn’t think there’s any chance that Rei could play what’s on the MD. Yasu comments on it too, saying Rei is a pretty good guitarist, but it’s clearly framed as a question, and Teru doesn’t really have an answer to this—he doesn’t know who’s playing on the recording either.

Now, you are absolutely free to headcanon this however you like. No one ever answers the question on the page, and I’m a fanfic writer, too—I absolutely left some things intentionally open to interpretation so people could have fun with it. But in my mind, at least, this recording is old. I don’t think Rei is going out and paying studio musicians to record demos NOW; either it’s his old band playing, or maybe he played everything himself before the accident. Personally, I think this is Rei’s old band, including Saki, on a song that they never got to officially record that Rei now wants Teru to perform, instead. Although, again, you are free to interpret it as you like!

Anyway, the band goes out to dinner after the show and decides to let the prospective drummer audition, with Yasu joking about Rei’s incredibly difficult songs with “Drummer wanted. Must be willing to dislocate own neck on demand.” (Very obviously a nod to Yoshiki, who I think actually BROKE his own neck playing the drums?) And they also decide to submit a demo to an “omnibus” CD.

So an omnibus CD is basically a “various artists” thing, and there were quite a few of those back in the day. It would be a good way for a lesser-known artist to get some exposure, because you’re going to sell copies to fans of ALL the bands in the track list, and maybe get some of them to become your fans as well. So, a pretty good career move if they get selected.

Minori also reveals that they’ve sold 19 tickets to their upcoming show, a pretty good number for an indie band of this caliber, and MUCH more than they’ve sold before, and… the REAL good news, that a magazine called Shokker (obviously a stand-in for the real-life visual kei magazine Shoxx) wants to do an interview with them. They talk about the cover for the album, and then Yasu asks about Teru’s date with Kiyomi.

At this point, the date with Kiyomi always seems really far away at this point, but in-universe, it was literally THE NIGHT BEFORE. Teru also comments that it feels like a long time ago, and gives kind of a noncommital response when Yasu asks if they’re going out again… and then Yasu accuses him of “never knowing what he wants” which is honestly pretty fair. Teru has not really thrown himself totally into the band, and he hasn’t really thrown himself fully into either of his prospective relationships at this point—Yasu tells him to decide what he wants and go for it, not knowing what he’s REALLY advising Teru to do.

And then at the end of the chapter there’s a little scene where, after Minori and Yasu (who live in the opposite direction, away from Shinjuku) leave in Minori’s van, Teru asks Seika to join him for a coffee, and asks Seika how he knew he was gay. Seika says it wasn’t so much about realizing it but admitting it to himself, after he tried to date girls, and Teru admits that he kissed a man (but doesn’t say that it was Rei). Seika was always supposed to be the “gay friend,” but I’m glad he turned into such a well-rounded character. One little thing that gets slipped in here is that Seika lives in Koreatown… supposedly because the rent is cheap and he can walk to work (which we can assume is in Shinjuku 2-chome, where most of the gay clubs are concentrated). Of course, it’s not unheard of for someone who isn’t Korean to live in Koreatown, and for all Teru knows Seika COULD be Korean (a lot of the Koreans in Japan at this point are the children and grandchildren of people who were abducted during World War II, so Japanese is their first language and if they go by an alias, you’d never know they were Korean unless they told you). But we’ll find out later that he actually has a long-term Korean boyfriend. That isn’t revealed until MUCH later, and was actually something I added in a later draft—Seika acts like a playboy, but it really is all an act. He’s committed to and very much in love with Sung-min, and I think that dating someone who is a part of a discriminated-against minority, he would’ve had a bit of a learning curve when they first got together as well, and is therefore in a position to give Teru advice and sympathise with some of the hurdles he faces in the beginning of his relationship with Rei. Of course, neither of them knows who the other is dating yet, but Seika is still kind of helping Teru discover himself, <3

[farer-dreamer]

Entry 8

10/9/24 - 10/14/24 Logs

10/9/24 - I GUESS WE DOIN' ANIMATIONS NOW!

So initially during this work period I was attempting to do some coding to get this player and camera movement system DONE, but I've realized it's a bit hard for me to focus when working in-class and also missing my second screen makes working in unity and coding stuff a bit of a pain. Not impossible of course, I've done it before but it definitely slows down my workflow compared to when I'm at home and can focus better. So because I wanted to be productive this class period I decided to start getting a jump on Doc's player animations, as while it's still far off my internal due date for that is sometime next month.

(there's art in this one, hit read more!)

I knew I wanted them at a 3/4ths angle instead of having a front, back, and side sprite. I mean, they'll still have a front and back sprite technically but no left/right so that frees me from needing to animate the walk, jump, land, and whatever else for those. Making things easier animation-wise isn't the only reason I've opted for this of course, honestly the biggest reason why I'm doing this specific style is because I'm drawing inspiration from how the characters are displayed in the paper mario games and bugfables, the 2D characters in a 3D world (would they be 2.5D then…?). Stylistically I've always thought it was neat and so I want to try and replicate that myself in my own silly little project.

So here's our first problem: I don't really have a clear ref of Doc's new design at a 3/4ths angle. I had an idea in my brain as to what it looked like but nothing on paper yet, most of my struggle was positioning the eyes on their mask.

At first I tried to pull from the turnarounds I had done of their new design, which got the body's position and proportioning down but the eyes just seemed off to me. Not that this go was inherently "wrong" but I felt like the eyes could be positioned or stylized better. So I cracked open my sketch book (something I need to be doing way more) and tried to just draw their head from this angle over and over, and eventually I landed on one I liked.

Although because I am not the most steady artist, they were a bit slanted. Easy fix though, I just popped em into clip and edited the body so everything is posed where it should be and then made another sketch over that to make some more tweaks. This whole thing took a little over an hour but eventually I landed on a "sketch" I liked (it's a bit too clean to be a sketch honestly lol).

Then to animate the idle I just nudged some of the parts I thought would have some wiggle if the character had a slight bounce in their idle (so the ears, cape/clothes, hair) and I think I like this lower frame rate style. Again, drawing inspiration from paper mario 64 specifically.

Overall with this specifically I probably spent like, 3ish hours? I mostly worked during the latter half of class after trying to code wasn't working for me in the moment. Next, I plan on getting the motions down and hopefully roughing out the animations for the walkcycle and jump. I don't think it'll take me very long, maybe 3ish hours total if I run into trouble with figuring out Doc's motions, but that'll be for next session.

10/11/2024 - 10/12/2024

More animation yippee!! today I'm working on the walkcycle and jump if I can get to it. But first I realized I didn't make a back idle animation so I threw that together in like 20ish minutes

Anyways, I started by gathering some image references of animated walkcycles, as well as some sprite sheets from paper mario 64 and bugfables as I wanted to see how the walkcycles in those games were handled. I also pulled up an old walk spritesheet I had on hand from an older project that had a character with similar leg and body structure to Doc.

In my first go I decided to pretty much ignore my refs and try to see if I could get a decent looking "down" motion as Doc does technically have a bend in their legs, but this didn't really work out. Also I definitely overanimated the arms for a 4 frame cycle.

So on my (unfinished) second and third goes I more closely followed my refs and previous work. I realized that my contact should be where Doc goes down the lowest, not the pass. Its. been a minute since I've animated a walkcycle. Eventually I found something I liked so I'm calling this done for now. Both the front and back have some jank I gotta work out but I'll save that for when I'm doing cleanup.

Onto Jumping! this should be a lot easier since there's only really 3 key poses I need to do (wind up/land, jump up, and falling). I think in the future I might add some more motion but for now here's the roughs that took maybe about a little over an hour or so I wanna say.Again they're super rough but I anticipate they'll look a lot better when they're moving around in engine.

10/14/24 - Back to Coding

womp womp. I gotta get this done though. I actually spent some time yesterday on this as well, mostly researching, to no avail. I was getting closer though… and today I won. I finally beat the camera problems. and in the most stupid way because it was just ONE (1) line of code I had to add and then do a bit of cleanup in the camera manager but the cinemachine is FINALLY angling properly around the player character.

That took a stupidly long amount of time to figure out but all we need now is the scroll wheel zoom… which I actually anticipate not taking as much time! I have an idea as to how I'm handling it. I have the body controller set to 3rd person follow, so all I really need to do is figure out how to adjust the camera distance through code and tie that to my scroll wheel inputs.

And after some research I got the camera distance tied to my scroll wheel inputs. For the time being I just have the inputs tied to the min/max zoom in/out but when I work on this next I'll be smoothing that out and making my final adjustments to the camera for now. Overall I wanna say that I was researching/playing around with the camera stuff for 3-4 hours total today? It's hard to say. What I DO know is that with this I am back on schedule which is relieving to say the least.

[hyuckmov]

i’m gonna tell you something .. i hope not to sound cringe .. but anyway , i used to read A LOT when i was younger , to the point where i spent hours and hours in my bedroom reading books without being tired . . in growing up i lost my interest in reading . . and i was so sad about this . . maybe it was because i stopped finding things i really liked to read , bc nothing got my attention anymore . . . but, as i mentioned before , i was really sad about this because i really enjoyed reading , imagining things with my head , being able to create scenarios with my own imagination while reading books , it really made me happy …. i don’t even remember how old i was when i stopped reading , maybe 13 yr old ?? .. and now i am 22 , and thanks to you , i am enjoying reading again ! maybe it’s because the main character of your writings is hyuck, and during this period of my life ( more than three years lmao ) he is literally at the center of my thoughts . . but reading something like this with him being the main character.. idk i really like it so much..

i read everything you wrote of hyuck on this tumblr profile , and i am so glad i decided to re download tumblr few weeks ago and i had the chance to bump into your account ..

i read your himbo haechan with so much passion, i found myself giggling and swinging my feet while reading it .. like my heart was going crazy ??? and i literally got attached to his character , and i felt like i was in love with hyuck even more, that i almost felt emotional . . i love how you describe things and how you describe hyuck ..

honestly i feel so lonely, i feel alone .. i literally find myself falling down each day of my life .. and sometimes i feel like hyuck would be the only one able to make me feel good an happy, and i’m glad i am able to find a bit of comfort while reading your stories , and feeling him next to me a bit more </3

i am so happy to hear that this rockstar hyuck thing you’re writing is going to be veeeery long , that means i will be able to enjoy reading even more ^__^ ,, that i will be busier in reading your writings and i’ll be lost in my imagination a bit more which will help me not to feel the pain that constantly aches in my chest .. i am so excited and i can’t wait to read everything <33

hello anon!!!!! <3

sorry for the late reply, thank you so much for sending me your thoughts :) it means the world to me that you can like reading again through my works and that my writing can help you feel less lonely !!! it’s a huge honor that you spent time with my works and were able to immerse yourself in them, and i hope to keep writing and showing you more versions of hyuck in my head 🫂 i really can’t believe that my writing can be so special for you, thank you so so much😭!!! i think i know what it feels like a bit to have haechan be a source of happiness, and i think it’s partly because it’s mostly imagination and he can’t Really hurt me because i don’t know him — that said, i hope things get better for you and you can feel happy beyond him! i also hope that in your life you can feel loved like how hyuck loves reader in fics 😅😅😅

[qqueenofhades]

Okay, I’ve read Joe Biden’s plans.

I’ve just sat down and spent several hours actually reading all the damn plans on his website, the whole thing, so you don’t have to. And here’s the conclusion:

They’re pretty good.

Are they absolutely everything we want immediately? Maybe not. Are they a solid Democratic agenda anyway? Yes they are. Are they better than Trump?

Light years!

His Violence Against Women plan is lengthy, detailed, and pays specific attention to violence against Native, lesbian and bisexual, low-income, disabled, rural, transgender (especially trans women of color) immigrant, domestic abuse victims, and other vulnerable women. He calls for replacing and expanding Obama-era policies and funding for campus sexual assault programs that DeVos trashed, and for providing money for culturally specific services that are sensitive to the diverse backgrounds of survivors. He also notes that sexual assault, while it predominantly affects women and girls, needs to be taken seriously and addressed for people of all gender identities.

His gun safety plan is forceful and lays out several steps for banning assault weapons, taking existing weapons from offenders, closing gun purchase background check and other legal loopholes, addressing the intersection between domestic violence and weapons ownership, and reducing or eliminating weapons and ammunition stockpiling.

His plan for tackling climate change and creating green jobs is also lengthy. He makes the connection between economic, environmental, and racial justice. He pledges to immediately rejoin the Paris Agreement and restore American leadership on the issue in pushing for even stronger climate standards, make climate change a central part of our trade, international, and justice goals, demand a worldwide ban on fossil fuel subsidies and tax breaks (!!!) and if the Green New Deal is passed, to sign it, as well as for the U.S. to achieve 100% clean energy and zero percent net emissions by 2050.

His healthcare plan is decent. It offers an immediate public option for all Americans regardless of private, employer, or no coverage, and generous new tax credits to put toward the cost of coverage. It strongly protects abortion rights and federal funding for Planned Parenthood, as well as rescinding the “gag rule” that prevents U.S. federal aid money from being used to provide or even talk about abortions in NGOs abroad. It attacks generic and drug price gouging. It calls for doubling the capital gains tax on the super-wealthy (from 20% to 39.5% paid on capital gains by anyone making over $1 million) to help fund healthcare reform. He also has a separate plan on the opioid crisis in America, and on older Americans and retirement, including the protection and re-funding of Medicare and Social Security.

His immigration plan is lengthy and detailed. He apologizes for and acknowledges the excessive deportation that occured during the Obama-Biden administrations, pledges to do better, and attacks Trump’s current inhumane acitivities on every front. The policy of children in cages, indefinite detention, the metered asylum system, and the Muslim Ban are gone on day one. In this and his LGBTQ plan, he notes the vulnerability of LGBTQ refugees, incuding LGBTQ refugees of color. He proposes streamlining of visa applications and prioritizing the immediate reunification of families. It also specifically states that ICE and CBP agents will be held directly accountable for inhumane treatment.

Speaking of which, his LGBTQ plan is comprehensive. It pays attention to multiple intersectional issues, down to the high rates of incarceration among trans people of color. (He also notes the rates of violence against trans women of color particularly.) He calls for a complete ban on conversion therapy and the discrimination against HIV-status individuals, as well as removing the ban on blood donation from gay and bisexual men. He will remove the transgender military ban immediately. He calls for funding for mental health and suicide prevention among LGBTQ populations.

His plan to empower workers calls for raising the federal minimum wage to $15, as well as indexing this to median hourly wages to ensure that working-class and middle-class wages grow closer to parity, and implementing strong legal protections for unions. He expresses support for striking workers and to empower the National Labor Relations Board in workplace advocacy. Farmworkers, domestic workers, gig economy workers, and other non-traditional labor groups are included in this. He will restore all Obama-Biden policies related to workplace safety and regulation.

His plan to restore American dignity and leadership in the world calls for immediately investing in election security and reform, restoration of the Voting Rights Act, immediately restoring White House press briefings and other Trump refusals of information, tackling criminal justice reform and systematic racial discrimination, calling for campaign finance reform, and basically blowing up all the stupid things the Trump administration does on a daily basis. It also calls for an end to all ongoing wars in the Middle East, restoring the Iran nuclear deal, and new arms control treaties with Russia, among general repairing of international alliances.

His plans for K-12 education and post-high school education call for greatly expanded funding across all levels of 2-year, 4-year, and other educational options. There will be no student loan payments for anyone making under $25,000 a year; everyone else will pay a capped amount and be completely forgiven after a certain period. Public servants qualify for up to $50,000 in loan forgiveness. This is not total loan forgiveness for everyone, which is obviously important for me and many of us, but it’s acceptable to start with. Additionally, his wife is a teacher and has a proven track record of calling for education investment and supporting public school funding.

His plan for housing addresses the needs of formerly incarcerated, LGBTQ, veteran, low-income, sexual assault survivor, black and Hispanic, and other vulnerable populations at risk of losing housing. It calls for a tax on companies and corporations with in excess of $50 billion in assets to fund comprehensive new housing initiatives, including $100 billion in accessible and low-income housing development. It includes extensive investment in public transportation and a high-speed rail system. This ties into his plan to repair infrastructure and invest in new technologies across the country.

His plan for criminal justice reform calls for the end of mass incarceration, the decriminalization of marijuana, the automatic expunging of all cannabis convictions, and an end on jail sentences for drug use. It highlights systematic institutional racism and the impact on black and brown people particularly. It calls for an end on all profiteering and private prisons. It focuses on reintegrating offenders into society and funding the needs of people released from prison. It proposes to “expand and use the power of the U.S. Justice Department to address systemic misconduct in police departments and prosecutors’ offices.” It broadens funding for social services and other programs for people who are otherwise placed into the prison pipeline.

There are more plans, which you can find here. These are the ones I read top to bottom. I am not by any means a Joe Biden fangirl; he was not my first choice, my second choice, or really anywhere on my list. However, having carefully read through his policy documents, I can say that:

He has at the least a good team of advisors who are keenly aware of the political climate, and is willing to both restore Obama-era standards and to improve on them where necessary. Obviously, all politicians’ promises are politicians’ promises, but this is a solid Democratic platform with obvious awareness of the progressive wing of the party.

If progressive legislation is passed in the House and Senate, he will sign it, including the Green New Deal.

He represents a clear and definite improvement over Donald Trump.

Is he everything we want? No. Are his policies better than I was expecting? Yes. I advise you to read through them for yourself. It has made me at least feel better about the likelihood of voting for him.

I realize it’s an unsexy position, especially on tumblr, to advocate for an old centrist white man. I’m not thrilled about having to do it. However, speaking as someone who was very resistant to Biden and still doesn’t agree with all of his previous legislative track record, that’s my consensus. He is a candidate who broadly aligns with values that I care about. His policies represent a concrete end to the damage of the Trump administration and gets us on the right track again.

Joe Biden, if he is the Democratic nominee, will receive my vote on November 3, 2020. I urge you to consider what I’ve laid out above and join me.