#And the Lesbian Weed Moms

[mayabishopgold]

Carina DeLuca | Grey's Anatomy - Season 14 Episodes 1 & 2

[captn-lovelace]

i’m getting my wisdom teeth taken out in like 10 hours and im honestly freakin out a bit!! i’ve never been put under before and i’ve never been given sedatives or pain meds like this

my brain is like uh oh what if you just fuckin DIE?? AT THE DENTIST??!?

[perfectly-uncapable]

babysitmoms <3

[designdoll]

Do NOT trust maternal lesbians this woman spiked my hot chocolate with the forever weed. I just woke up like this and she's only speaking in the third person as "mom."

[prttykittes]

STEPCEST! With genshin men!

cw. stepcest, fingering, gn reader, oral sex, almost caught, biting, stand-up sex, stepbro/step!sibling reader, stepparent/step!child, weed, touching, dubcon, kissing, lesbians(eimiko mentioned), reader’s mom is yae miko in scaramouche’s section, ass grabbing, spanking, Dom!reader in Kabukimono section, shoe humping, mention of breeding in Zhongli's section, bong, grammar mistakes(?)

notes: Hehehe, some stepcest since it won the post :33 also I hope u enjoy this, I had fun and this probably had grammar mistakes so sorry about that ;3

SCARAMOUCHE

You let out a gasp as you felt him bend you over, you let out another gasp when you feel his hand rub your ass. He laughs into your ear, you whimper as your sight goes hazier, you can see your stepmother as she walks by. You rest your head on the counter, you cover your mouth with your hand as you hope that she doesn't hear you whimpering. he grabs your chin, you close your eyes and makes you face him. He presses his lips against your soft pretty ones, his hand goes down to your crotch. He rubs your clothed sex, he slips his tongue into your mouth, twirling your tongues together. His hand pulls down your pants until it reveals your underwear, you gasp when his finger touches your hole. You try to push him away as you hear footsteps, he chuckles as he grabs your ass. She stops as she calls out to your mom, she then turns around and walks away. “let's have a quick fuck, M’kay?” He pushes you into the counter, pulling down your underwear and he spanks your ass before he rubs his dick at your hole. He could use his pre-cum as a lube and yours, he collects your pre-cum as he rubs it onto his cock. He spreads your hole open as he enters you, he roughly thrusts into you, he wraps his arms around your waist as he lifts you up. You're standing on your tiptoes as he rams into you, your eyes roll back as he goes fast. Making clapping sounds, your tongue rolls out, you grip onto his arms. You clench around him, his dick twitches in you, you bite your lower lip. You moan when you feel his cum filling your hole up, painting your walls white.

ZHONGLI

You let out a muffled moan, tears swallow up, he smiles when he sees your teary face. His hands run in your hair, slightly gripping on it. He coos at you, praising you on how you're a good cock sucker just for him, he loves how you suck him off much more than your parent that's for sure. He loves how you moan on his dick, knowing that he is the only one who can do this to you and he will make sure that he is the only one. He grips a patch of your hair, he moves your head up and down, you moan when you can taste his pre-cum, it tastes so good you can't help but envy your parent. I mean not any more since you're sucking him off now, you stroke the rest of his dick, you can feel veins on it. You can feel his veins on your tongue as well, you moan at how big it is, you go lower onto his dick. Your nose touches his skin and your hands rub at his wrist. He lets out a small chuckle, you're so needy for his big cock. You reach down to your sex, he shakes his head and grabs your wrists. He lifts you up and places your sex on his shoe, you look up at him. He smirks and wipes your tears away, you grip on his thigh as you begin humping, you let out more moans, humping his shoe more. You feel your sex get wet and more wet, you knew this was wrong to be sucling your stepdad's dick but gosh,.. was it big and you wanted to stick in your hole and make him breed your hole. Abuse your hole, remaking your hole to his dick shape! not gonna lie, you want him to fuck you infront of your parent, but you know that he probably will end up in jail for incestuous actions or something in that area, you gag when he presses your head down, he moves his foot, your eyes roll back and you go limp, your body leaning against him. You feel your climax, and your eyes widen, your mouth feels full and you swallow his seed. He smiles at you, telling you how good you did. He kisses your forehead before he lifts you up and makes you sit down on his lap. He touches your inner thighs, you smile and hope that he finally decides to enter your hole.

KAZUHA

You whine, feeling his hand touch your sex. Your eyes hurt and you galore at him. You can see his red eyes, hear his heavily breathing. He whispers in your ear. “Hold the lighter for me, my sweet darling~” He coos at you, you nod your head and hold the lighter. He grabs the bong and inhales it, you smile when he kisses your neck. He grabs your hip and ,over you slowly onto his leg, you whimper when you feel a spot. He kisses your neck and sukxs on it, you can feel him nibbling on your neck which then turns into a bite. You bite your lip as you feel his teeth sinking into your skin. You whine as he sukcs on the bite mark, he pushes you more down onto his leg. He smiles, his head tilting as he lays back on your bed. You whine, your head hurts slightly. Your eyes hurt and you know it's red, he presses the bong up to your lips, he smiles when he sees your pretty lips against it. It's like a kiss, both of your lips on the bong. He rubs your hip and then your legs. He kisses your back, you cough and he laughs. You can hear knocking which makes you jump, you let out a muffled moan when his finger presses hard against your hole. He pulls down his pants as he kicks it off, his mom knocks on the door. You whimper when he presses you against his tent, you whine when you feel his dick poking at your clothed hole. He talks to his mother while he pulls down your underwear, taking it off as he fingers your hole. You softly moan, you close your eyes as he pulls down his underwear, he grabs a hold of his dick and presses it into your hole. You let out a gasp as you feel his dick enter you. He continues to move you, making you go up and down on it. You let out a loud moan and his mom questions the noise, he says that you hurt your knee and in which you say that you did. She leaves and he continues to fuck your hole, while he does bong.

KABUKIMONO

He whines, whimpering at your touch. His pretty dick twitches as it leaks his sweet pre-cum. Your beloved stepson trembling under you, you smile as you sit on his legs. You adore how his dick twitches when your hand comes near, you coo at his dick. Giving a quick kiss to it, you smile when he reaches out to you, his pretty eyes as tears go down. He begs you to touch it, stroke his leaking cock or suck on it or bounce on it. He wants you to touch it with your hand or your hole so badly! His tears streaming down his face, oh how badly he wants you. His needy cock twitches once you hover yourself over it, you lick your lips as you go down on it, your hole twitching and clenching on air. You kiss his lips, your tongue slips into his mouth, your saliva enters his mouth as he moans at your taste. Your hole clenched around his pretty dick, he cums once you enter him. You snicker as you feel his seed filling you up, you laugh and kiss his face when you see him crying more! You lick up his tears and you bounce on his dick, you can see a white ring forming, you smile as you see his seed fo onto his stomach. You kiss his neck as you suck and give him hickies, you touch his chest while you scratch your nails against his chest. You smile and kiss his cheek, adoring the way he smiles weakly, he blushes and you clench hard around him, you feel yourself about to climax. You push yourself, he lets out loud lewd moans, his eyes roll backed. Argh! He's so cute and so pretty, you feel your sex twitch as you throw your head back and moan. He also moans as he cums once again, filling you up again. You smile and lift yourself up, his white sticky liquid spills out, you want to go again and make him cum over and over!

[a03heralding]

Bg3 blunt rotation headcanons:

Karlach: does not stop fucking laughing. She’s def wheezing at a joke she overheard in a lesbian bar three and a half years ago while in the middle of a sentence. The type who starts a story and ends up laughing so hard she can’t finish it.

Halsin: mellow as hell, is always encouraging the group to go for a nice walk somewhere while stoned to shit. Will he pass out or will he be caressing the flowers in his backyard? No one knows.

Shadowheart: Sis is asleep after a joint or a few hits from the bong. Is likely sleeping on Lae’zel’s shoulder with a blanket around her. We love her for that tho bc she looks so cute.

Jaheira: she is forreal trying to tell you that we’re all living in someone’s sims save or how aliens made the pyramids. Also always pulls up to the session at the most random times.

Lae’zel: when she does smoke she usually ends up tripping the fuck out and is staring at the wall like a dog that’s accidentally eaten an edible. Doesn’t partake anymore but will come and chill and act as Shart’s personal resting post.

Astarion: the one who is chatting the most shit, probably has the joint in a cigarette holder like curella de’vil. The main source of Karlach’s laughter. Is also constantly asking for Nicki Minaj songs to be added to the Spotify queue.

Wyll: straight up vibes, is probably hogging the snacks to himself tho but he’s busting jokes and laughing with Karlach about stupid shit

Gale: the person in charge of the playlist and the only one who can actually roll. He is very particular about the music bc he believes it sets the mood for the high. Is constantly denying Astarion’s request to play Chun li but puts on random shit like khazakstani jazz

Minthara: enabling Astarion’s shit talking and spilling the piping hot tea. The least faded out of all of them (except lae). Has a screenshot folder that she shows astarion so they can be shady.

Aylin: she’s productive when she’s stoned, is likely cooking something or has gone for a jog/ doing a task while wearing her socks/ Birkenstock combo

Isobel: the mom friend who is making sure everyone is drinking water and is getting fresh air while fried.

Withers: the za dealer. You have to go to his house and he only sells a min of 6gs at a time. Usually chilling and trying to hide his weed plants from the cops bc his neighbours are snitches ngl

Minsc and boo (sry I be forgetting): Brings his hamster to the function bc he doesn't want him to be lonely and believes that his best bud deserves a toke as well. Boo is a literal fucking menace and bites those who object to giving him any. There is literally always an argument bc of this but Minsc is ready to fight for his child.

[seventeenpins]

just like heaven

pairing: best friend's mom!Tess x stoner!reader word count: 5k summary: Your best friend's mom catches you smoking in her living room. She teaches you a lesson. content/warnings: dubcon, intoxication, Tess is predatory, age gap, an exceptional amount of weed smoking, virgin!reader, smut smut smut, mommy kink, a lil bit of softness because I’m the one writing it 🤷, Tess gets you high and fucks you a/n: okay this is literally just a porn scenario, with the express purpose of celebrating morally grey predatory lesbians, working on pushing my own boundaries as I write, and an ode to Tess Servopoulos, who I would be honoured to have step on me. Shoutout to @ozarkthedog for the title, for being my whole heart and for allowing me to scream horny Tess thoughts at you every minute of the day, and to @ems-chaos-corner whose feedback and beautiful reactions are deeply appreciated, truly cherished, and an absolute fucking joy! 🥹

It's Friday night and the week's been a shit show. The week kicked off with a work catastrophe, and the second the fires had been put out, up started the roommate drama.  You had just picked up fresh bud, but you'd left your bong at the home of your friend. Or rather, his mom's home, in whose basement he resides.

You and Charlie have known each other most of your lives, but his mother had been a workaholic, rarely at home, and memorable only from birthdays and holidays. Near the end of her marriage, she discovered her husband had been having an affair. To settle the score, she fucked his mistress.

It was the most enduring of the neighborhood gossip, and though you knew Tess, at least a little bit, you found yourself almost mythologizing her.

Since the divorce, Tess became much more present as a mother. She worked a few less hours and invited her son to live in her lavish, post-divorce home, rent free, as he made his way through college.

You didn’t see her often, but you liked her. And, she thought of you as one of Charlie’s “good” friends, as the two of you had never gotten into any legal trouble, and you always felt a little special, knowing she was cool with you. You’d seen her glare down Charlie’s other friends, but you swear, she even winked at you once.

So now, the plan–

Charlie was gonna meet you here, and then you were gonna hang out and smoke together. He assured you his mom wouldn't be home for hours–she’s got a big press conference tonight. 

But you'd just gotten a call from him; one of your coworkers called out, and he's already there, so he's gonna pull a double and get that sweet, sweet overtime pay.

(He did ask if you wanted the shift. You told him absolutely not, but appreciated the consideration.)

He texts you when he's on his break. Sorry I bailed! Will make it up to you! You can chill at mine as long as you like. You can crash too. I know you hate the basement, so go smoke in the living room. Mom won't be home till late, and the fan works great. I do it all the time.

It's a relief, not feeling relegated to his room. It was a fine room, you supposed, but stumbling upon crispy socks twice has been two times too many. And, maybe, you’d have a chance to snoop.

It's eight pm. You've been at Charlie's for an hour, and you're finally starting to feel the stress of the day ebb away. You let your eyes flutter closed as you clear the chamber and hold in the smoke. You start to let it out, but reel back coughing when the lights are suddenly switched on, startling you badly enough you jump a foot into the air.

"Didn't your mother teach you any manners?" says a cool voice, and you feel your stomach flip with sudden terror, eyes flying open.

Tess stands in the doorway, glowering.

It takes you a minute, a mortifyingly long minute, for the coughing to subside. The more you try to suppress it, the worse it gets, and the whole time, she’s glaring at you.

"I'm not really close to my mom." You tell her. She stares at you blankly.

"Not the fucking point." She says, but now she looks like she's holding back a laugh.

"Sorry," you try to explain, "I didn't know anyone would be home, I thought you had a work thing–"

She rolls her eyes before turning and making a show of opening all of the windows.

"Remember, this is my fuckin house, kid," she snaps at you, "Press conference was cancelled.”

“Oh,” you frown, “That sucks.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Tess rolls her eyes. "Yeah. It fucking sucks. The production’s truck got broken into at the last fucking second and we lost half our gear.”

“Well, shit.” You're not quite sure where to go with this, what to say.

You look away for a moment, awkward and uncomfortable, but she makes no move to go anywhere. When you look back, you realize she's still looking at you, eyes sweeping you up and down before landing on your emptied water glass, still damp with condensation, sitting next to a coaster. Quickly, you scramble to correct it.

"We gotta work on your manners," she says and nods, decision made.

“Hey, I’m– I’m sorry. I should go. I shouldn’t be here, didn't mean to be in your way- And I’m sorry, again—"

She ignores you, your rambling falling on deaf ears. She strides across the room and seats herself down on the sofa opposite you. You envy the way she carries herself, the way she seems to swagger pussy-first, sits down with her legs spread, commands the entire space. She's kind of... magnetic. There's something about her that makes your stomach do flips.

"Aren't you gonna offer me a hit?"

"Oh." You weren't expecting this. "I– Yeah, do you want–"

"Why don't you come over here. Sit with me."

"Um, sure-" you say, and you pick up the bong and lighter and start to sit down next to her, nearly trying to budge up next to her outspread legs.

But she stops you before you can touch her and grabs you by the wrist, patting her knee.

"Right here, sweetheart," she smirks.

Your stomach flips. "Oh no, I don't think that-"

"It's alright, honey, I don't bite."

It's less of a request and more of a command. Your heart, which had only been a little settled for a moment, started to race again.

"Oh- okay."

You lower yourself down.

"Face me," she corrects you. You'd been going to sit on her knee with your own knees pressed together. You redirect your limbs and swing a leg over her, so you're straddling her thigh.

"Good girl," she tells you, and as if you don't need a whole moment to reevaluate your entire life, she continues, seemingly oblivious. It's a casual, almost disinterested, "So, what is it we're smoking?"

"Um, it's... it's weed-"

She barks a laugh and it nearly startles you. It doesn't mean anything, the way you feel yourself bounce on her leg, the pressure at the inseam- "Yeah, kid," she snorts, "I figured that bit out myself."

"Of course," you mumble, humiliated, "Sorry, being stupid-"

She cuts you off. "When I was your age- well actually, how old are you? You even old enough to buy this shit?"

"Twenty-one," you admit with a wince, suddenly wishing you had at least a decade on your actual age.

"You're killin' me, kid," she huffs out a long breath and shakes her head.

It only derails her for a moment.

"Well, when I was your age, this shit wasn’t even close to making it onto the ballot, let alone get legalized. We didn't know anything about strains. We'd get a dry little dime bag for ten bucks. It usually turned out to be mostly shake and seeds, but that's all we could get, so we'd pay the creep who lived down the street and tried not to piss him off cause he was the only weed guy we knew."

"Well." You're not quite sure what to say. "That sounds like it sucked. I guess times aren’t so different though. There’s a really creepy budtender at the shop this side of town. But there’s also a cute girl who works there. It’s overpriced and looks like a fuckin’ Apple Store. Whenever she’s working, though, she slips me a couple extra pre-rolls. So it’s kinda worth it."

You see something in her eyes flash and then return to her steady gaze.

"It's been years since I've smoked," she admits. "Well, weed at least. Still smoke the occasional cig.”

"Oh really, why’d you stop?

"Well, I don't think I've smoked regularly since my early twenties. We lost our dealer and it just didn't seem worth it to find another. It was really just word of mouth, where I was living.”

"Your dealer get caught or something?"

"Not exactly. See, he'd tried to slip his hand up a girls' skirt and the girl was decidedly not into it. The asshole ended up with a shattered nose. I've always loved how they described it. Shattered. Served him right."

You nod.

"He decided it maybe wasn't worth it." She pauses. "So. I guess your generation has fancy fuckin dispensaries, and my generation had the weed guy. Your generation has such dumbass names for strains and, and mine crossed our fingers hoping we weren’t just gettin’ stems and seeds."

You're silent for a moment.

Then, stumbling and foolish, you ask her a question.

"How old are you?"

"Old enough to be your mother." She smirks and your stomach flips. “Now, let's see what it's like these days, shall we?"

From her jeans pocket she withdraws a flint-wheel lighter. It’s old, but it's nice. The initials TS are engraved on the case.

She opens it and flicks it a couple of times with practiced ease. It doesn't take at first, and she mutters something about dammit–! need to refill it–, but on the third spark it lights.

You start to pass her the bong, but she lights the bowl and pushes it back towards you.

"Fill the chamber for me? It's been a while-"

You do. Smoke swirls through it, thick as soup and glossy. You pass it back to her.

Tess doesn't break eye contact with you as she almost clears it, only a thin whisper left circling the chamber.

It's a lot of smoke, and either she's lying about not having smoked, or she's insane, because that's a lot of smoke.

When she clears the chamber, she only holds it for a moment, places the bong on the floor next to her and, to your surprise, pulls you in.

It's not quite a kiss but she's holding the back of your head so you lean in, open mouthed, as if it were. Instead of kissing you properly, she exhales the smoke into your mouth, floods you with it, and when she's done breathing out, she places a palm over your mouth and blocks any breath from escaping.

"Hold it, honey, that's right-" she praises.

You can feel your eyes start to water, the way you're not quite coughing yet but you're pretty sure the second you try to breathe any of it out, you'll be lost.

With her pinky knuckle, she prods into the bowl of the bong again and moves the bud around, so the most charred bit is discarded and fresh bud is at the top.

"You can let go now," Tess tells you, finally pulling her hand away.

You let out the smoke and, as you predicted, fold over yourself starting to cough. Tess just smiles, and fills the chamber again.

By the third time she has you clear the chamber, not even using her lungs as proxy anymore, you can taste your heartbeat and the room isn't fading, exactly, it's more dotting. The world around you is a pointillism piece that's unfinished in inexplicable spots.

Your skin feels like it's dancing, and there are hands gliding along your hips, up your waist, grazing your breast-

"How’re you feeling, kid?" a voice asks, and you know where you are.

"Mmmm- Good." you sigh, "I feel good. You feel good."

"Oh, do I?" she asks. The hands continue to trace paths all over your body.

"Your hands. Real nice. You feel real nice."

Her eyebrows raise. Her head tilts. She's examining you.

Tess's hands settle on your waist. You barely notice the way she's rocking you gently towards her, and back again. Forwards, and backwards.

You hear a moan, desperate and raw, and you don't realize you're the source of it until you watch the way her eyes darken.

"Have you been with a woman before?" Tess asks.

You grin, sheepish. "Not really-"

Her eyebrows shoot up. "What does ‘not really’ mean?"

“I…” you chew your lip. “I guess I haven’t technically done… much. With anyone.”

Tess’s eyes widen.

You try to backpedal, worried it sounds too silly, too immature, that it's a turn-off for her. That wherever this was going, it's about to make a swift one-eighty. Suddenly sobered, you stammer on. “I mean, I’ve kissed girls before. And, like, played with their tits, you know?”

"Shit," Tess's voice is close to a growl, and for one awful moment you're certain she's about to call the whole thing off and tell you to get off her lap.

You know where you've found yourself. On the lap of someone far too old for you, rocking you against her thigh, letting her hands grope you however she pleases-

Her hands still, and you’re shocked at how immediately you feel bereft.

“And you want me to be your first woman?” She asks, voice velvety and dangerous.

“Yes,” you say, not even thinking about it. “I want you to be my first.”

Tess breathes out slowly, and only then do you realize exactly what you’ve said. The silence is terrifying, and with every microsecond that passes, you’re more sure she’s going to throw you out.

Then she starts bouncing her thigh, the motion creating the most unexpected and desperately needed friction. It’s gentle, but you can feel the way her muscles tense and relax, and every part of it might drive you insane.

You stifle a moan, needing her to say something, but not wanting to jeopardize the position you’ve found yourself in. Maybe if she thinks about it, she’ll stop, and that’s a risk you’re not willing to take.

"I bet I can teach you a thing or two."

Your jaw drops comically.

"Teach me?" you ask.

"Teach you how to make a woman feel good. How to use your fingers, put that pretty mouth to use-"

You feel yourself heat at her praise, and she grins, brushing a thumb against your lower lip.

"I think-" you know your voice sounds pathetic and worn and woozy from the harshness of the hits you took, "I think I maybe.. I think I have a lot to learn."

“But first,” her grin becomes truly wicked and you feel the tension that's been building in you start to twist, get hot and slick and desperate. Her hand trails down to your neck, her thumb resting over your pulse point. “You seem nervous, honey. Let’s help you relax a little more.”

She picks the bong back up. “Pack us a fresh bowl, will you?”

“More?” you ask. You can already feel the redness of your eyes, and know that any more will make you stupid.

“More.” Tess agrees.

“We could just, like, start by making out?” you suggest.

Tess doesn’t even try to hide her smirk.

“You wanna make out?” she taunts, lip curled.

“Fuck, Tess, I’m high–” you whine, “I didn’t mean that to sound so high school.”

“God,” she sighs, shaking her head, “You’re so damn young.”

And after a moment elapses.

“Go on,” she nods to the bong, and you remember what you were meant to be doing.

You stand up, immediately aching, missing the way her strong thigh had rubbed between your legs. It occurs to you that you may have left a wet spot on her pants.

You make quick work of it, emptying out the ash and packing a fresh bowl.

“You wanna kiss me, pretty girl?” she asks.

“Yes-” you sigh, and you all but dive forward, only to receive a gentle hand to your shoulder, holding you back.

“Here’s the deal, sweetheart. Every hit you take, you get a kiss.”

“I– Tess I can’t– I’ll be so high I’ll be stupid–”

“No, baby,” Tess croons, “You’ll be nice and relaxed. You’ll get to feel my hands all over that beautiful body of yours. You’ll be my good girl.”

She grins when you let out an involuntary whine.

“You wanna be a good girl for me, don’t you? And when you really need to tap out, I’m sure we can find another way to make sure you get all the kisses you need. Okay?”

You nod, suddenly desperate to please. Of course you can take it. You’ll be so, so good for her. And you’ll get to feel her lips on yours, feel her hands explore you, touch you, take–

The first hit is dizzying, but it mellows out quickly.

Emboldened, you grin at her. “Fair’s fair,” you declare.

Tess rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling, too. “C’mon up, honey.”

You put the pipe down and straddle her. You give yourself just a moment to feel her here, hot and soft and lovely between your thighs. You love the way you can feel her abdomen rise and fall with her breath, and smell her hair.

Slowly, carefully, you lean in. Soft, firm lips press against yours, and you feel a heat inside you immediately combust, roar to life. You’re filled with such unadulterated need, you think you might die.

Then, she pulls away, and you reel.

“No-“ you whimper, and she lifts the bong back up to you.

You don’t know how many hits you take, each punctuated with another press of her lips to yours. You’ve never smoked like this, never this much. The world is dizzy and foggy, but her hands are grounding. They rub broad circles into your aching shoulders, tease you with feather-light touches. 

It’s unclear how much time has passed, but after she pulls away from another kiss, she holds you back when you move to pick up the pipe.

“I think you’ve had enough,” she croons. You love her voice, the way she’s soft with you.

You blink lazily at her and lean in for another kiss.

Instead, she pulls back.

“Honey, don’t forget. Like I said, you’ll have another way to earn these kisses.”

“Want you,” you mumble. Being apart from her for even these moments feels torturous. You need her skin against yours.

“For every article of clothing you take off, you’ll get to touch me.”

You focus on her words, making sure you’re getting it right through the fog in your head.

“Can I—” you trail off.

“Can you what?”

“Can I take it all off? And then I can touch you as much as you like?”

“Well, aren't you ambitious?” She smirks, and then considers, tilting her head side to side. “I suppose that would work. But I want you to put on a show for me.”

You scramble up, with much speed and little grace. She huffs a laugh when you nearly topple as you pull your jeans down.

“Slowly, baby. Want to watch you.”

You do your best to slow down, peeling each garment off, one by one, and leaving them in a disorganized heap.

“That’s it,” she praises, “Doing such a good job.”

When you’re nearly bare, you hesitate, fumbling with the band of your panties. This moment, this moment, feels like the point of no return.

“I— I wanna see you.” You say, suddenly more focused, and very nervous.

“Baby, you’re still wearing your panties.”

She says it sweetly, but you know it’s not a request. It’s a command. You slip them down, now totally naked before her. 

You realize; this is the first time you’ve been so fully naked in front of someone who wants to fuck you.

Doubt and anxiety start to cloud your mind as Tess looks you up and down.

You speak without thinking, “Am I pretty?”

It’s such a simple, inane question. But Tess doesn’t hesitate.

“Of course you are, baby. You’re stunning.” She states, and it’s definitive. Who would ever question Tess?

Warmth rushes back through you, your body suddenly hot again with arousal, banishing any lingering fear. You let yourself feel the fog, feel the sensation.

You relax as you stand, enjoying the feeling of ambient air on your body, the breeze from outside sifting through the hair on your arms and legs.

“Come back to me,” Tess prods, and you realize you’ve been standing with your eyes closed. You open your eyes, and you’re shocked when you see that Tess herself is naked before you. Her hair cascades down her shoulders, golden-brown silk adorning her, streaks of gray at her temples. Her body is firm and toned, but she has her fair share of scars and dimples and cellulite. Stretch marks decorate her belly, old but beautiful with the way they gleam pearlescent in the light.

“You want to touch me?” She asks, and you nod. Hand outstretched, you move towards her. She reaches her hand out to meet you, grasps your palm and kisses your fingertips.

It feels like worship.

“Come with me,” she tells you, and you follow, hand in hers. She brings you to her bedroom, one room in this house you’ve never seen. You want to pay attention to all of it, but you cannot focus. You cannot tear yourself away from her.

She guides you, seating you at the head of the bed with legs spread. Then, she settles herself in between them, spreading her own legs. You can feel her ass against your thighs, the heat radiating from her. You want so badly to touch.

“How do you like to touch yourself?” She asks, and you pause.

You know what you like, but you’ve never actually had to describe it before.

“I, um-“ you swallow. “I like to, uh, work myself up. Play with myself all around, um—“

“Your pussy?”

“Yeah, all around my pussy. And then, when I’m ready, I rub my clit. Make little circles above it. Maybe put a finger or two in, if I feel like it, but usually it’s enough with just my clit.”

Tess nods, and you feel the rumble of a sigh through her body. 

“Touch me like that,” she commands.

And you do.

You slip your arms around her, stroking her thighs. Muscles tense beneath your fingers, and you hear her groan.

Gently, slowly, you trace fingertips closer and closer to her apex. You brush along her inner thighs, and feel victorious when she stifles a gasp. Then, you stroke the outer confines of her vulva, feeling how hot she is between her thighs. The hair between her legs feels sensational against your skin, especially in your high, and you get lost in the feeling of it. You’re touching her. You’re touching her. And she likes it.

She lets you continue to stroke at her, all around her, everywhere but the place she wants you most. Then, you realize you feel a trickle of wetness from her, and you dip your fingertips down to catch it. You slide back up, through her folds, catching so much slickness. She’s wet, she’s so fucking wet, and she’s wet for you. 

You rub your fingers together, obsessed with the almost egg-white slick stringing translucent between them. Everything that you wondered about yourself, worried was an anomaly, proven absent in porn–it’s like a revelation. She’s just like you. And she’s totally different. She’s a mirror, and an entity complete and singular.

She’s a fucking goddess.

You pull her hood back and swipe a slick thumb lightly against her clit. Immediately, you’re dizzy at the sensation of her rolling her hips against you, pressing against you, towards your fingers, trying to get more friction. You barely get any physical contact from her the way you need, but the proximity alone is overwhelming. 

You rut up against her, knowing there’s nothing for you to get yourself off on here without changing position entirely. But the closeness is incredible. You feel your own wetness smear on her back and her ass, the way you’re dripping. And Tess, her back pressed against your breasts, occasionally dipping to nibble kisses along your throat and jaw.

Lost between sensation, and curiosity, you reach through the fog. You want to do a good job. You want to make her feel good. It’s interesting, you think, all the ways she feels different to you. Her labia are a little longer, spreading over your fingers as you stroke along her slit again and again. She’s making the loveliest sounds, whines and moans and whimpers, sounds you never thought you’d hear from her.

When you press your fingers against her clit again, she almost yelps, but the yelp morphs into a deep moan as she starts rocking against the pressure, chasing the sensation. It feels so similar, but totally foreign at the same time. You dip a couple of fingers into her opening. You stroke her how you stroke yourself. And then you move to press in deeper, and the angle’s all wrong. You suddenly feel embarrassed. Of course vaginas aren’t all the same! You try again, relaxing your fingers, slowly massaging into her. She gently rests her hand on yours. You think she might pull it back. Instead, she guides it, angling your fingers just right so they’re slipping into her tight heat and lets out a heaving sigh.

If she’d been trying to stay quiet, to hide from you the effect you’re having on her, that all goes out the window when you start pumping into her.

Now that you have the angle right, you drive your fingers in again and again, scissoring her open, pressing all the soft and lovely bits inside her till she’s howling.

“Fuck,” she hisses, “Oh baby that’s it, keep fucking me with those lovely fingers, you’re doing such a good job–”

You slip in a third finger and her words turn to a breathy jumble of yes, please, more—

She feels so delicious against your fingertips, massaging into her again and again. You love the texture of her. 

Flicking a thumb over her clit as you pump in and out in measured strokes, her whole body begins to convulse.

“Fuck!” She shouts, “Fuck, I’m—”

She comes with a cry, shaking in your lap, and you continue to stroke her through it.

When her body stops trembling and her breathing slows, she tilts her head back, resting on your shoulder, gracing you with a throaty laugh.

“Shit, kid,” she she looks dazed, totally fucked out. You should really get a trophy for this. Or a medal. Made Tess Servoupolous Nut So Hard She Saw God, it would say.

As she finishes catching her breath, she reaches her arm around you and strokes your hair. “You did good,” she tells you, “A real natural.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “Fuck if I haven’t been needing that.”

She peels herself from you, the sweat between you adhering your tits to her back, and it’s almost funny the squelch that your bodies make. 

And then, she’s on top of you, moving you again, body soft and malleable. She’s spreading your thighs, your soaked cunt grinding against her own– puffy, slick and spent. 

She smiles at you. “Last chance, sweetheart. You want me to make you feel good? Play with that pretty pussy? Pop that cherry, once and for all?”

The haze returns, and it can’t be just the high, not coming over you like this. No. It’s her. It’s her scent, her power, her skin against yours, and you need need need–

“Give it to me–,” you beg, and she does.

Long fingers part you, slide inside, scissor and twist. It’s slow at first, almost gentle. But you don’t need gentle right now. You need her, every part of her.

You grind against her fingers, the heel of her palm putting pressure right against your clit. 

“You’re being such a good girl,” she coos, “Opening up nice and wide for mommy, that’s it–”

It’s unexpected, and if you’re being honest, it’s a little bit weird.

But that doesn’t fucking matter because fuck it’s hot–

Your legs spread further, in part from Tess’s coaxing, and in part because they seem to want to fling themselves open all on their own. 

Two fingers increase to three, and then to four, and she’s pumping in for all she’s worth with her hand, her thumb pressed against your clit, pressing your button like she’s made for it. You’re trying to find words but you can’t–all you can do is moan and whine and rut against her, with nothing more than “Tess, please– Mommy mommy oh my god mommy your fingers feel so fucking good—”

And she grins at you wickedly, and keeps at her ministrations as she praises you– “Taking my fingers so fucking well. That’s a good girl, that’s it, oh honey– I can feel how you’re dripping down my wrist, how good you’re clenching round me. It’s okay, baby, you can let go. Let go for me, sweetheart, c’mon, let go–”

You come with a shout, pussy drenching her as she fucks you through it.

As you catch your breath and come down, she strokes your thighs, trails pruney fingertips across your stomach.

“You’ve been so good for mommy,” she smiles, eyes crinkling, “Big girl, taking all of that her first time, huh?”

“Mhmm,” you agree, totally worn out. “Thank– thank you, Tess–” you sigh.

“Hmm,” she snorts, “I thought you’d do well with a lesson.”

“I did good?” you ask.

“You did great, honey,” she laughs. “And what did we learn?”

You take stock of yourself. Of your body, your mind, the fog and the lingering high, and the absolute euphoria of the past however long you’ve been fucking and being fucked.

A smile creeps across your face. You try to tamp it down, but it’s pointless. “I’ve learned that I should always smoke weed in Charlie’s mom’s house, and maybe, if I’m very lucky, I’ll even get caught!”

Tess laughs, a full-bellied, beautiful thing. 

“I think, princess, you’ve got a lot more to learn.”

[syxoki]

my mouthwashing characters headcanons :3

Daisuke ><

Japanese from his mom and filipino + mexican from his dad

Grew up in japan until he was three, before moving to hawaii. Speaks japanese, english and a tiny tiny bit of spanish.

If im not wrong, hes rather rich, so he never really had money problems before.

Only child, even if he sometimes wished he wanst.

HE HAS A TONGUE PIERCING.

He often have tension with his mom, since shes rather strict, and often wants him to follow the path she trace for him.

Is a mitski fan and have gone to two of her concerts

Still secretly have plushies from when he was little

Was kinda a smart kid at school

Has a biggg collection of yaoi and yuri (that he hide from his mom)

HES SO GYARUO CODED

Tried playing re2 remake, stopped when mr x started going at him bc it was stressing him out

Definitely watched alien stage and cried his eyes out

Smells like soft citrus and a tiny bit of weed

says random brainrot quotes during the day (hes just like me fr)

Pansexual, fight me

Anya <3

Slavic/russian (she also give off french vibes but idk) but lived in london before going to work on the ship.

Lesbian, but before moving out of her parents house she had to hide it from them bc they were really conservative and religious, even if she discovered she was gay at like 12

Loves those old movies from the 70s or with a same vibe like girl, interrupted or movies with shelley duvall.

She lovesss dazey and the scouts

Did ballet when she was little

Knows how to play piano and violin

Have a black cat name midi 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Likes horror in general but get scared

Has insomnia

She have *hematophobia (just like me fr🗣️🗣️)

(*fear of blood,wounds or very gore things)

Smells like rubbing alcohol and lavender.

Curly (big tits)

British and german

He gives off very very heterocurious vibes.

Gymbro i fear.

Smells like vanilla.

Freaking huge, like, everywhere.

Knows jimmy since their last year of highschool. Gone to the same college as him and all.

Is such an enabler of rape and all that shit OH MY FREAKING GOD. I think that even if he respect women, he still have those Misogynistic stereotypes in his brain. People need to get that hes not the good guy in mouthwashing. (i still love him tho)

like jazz

Have a phobia of snakes..

Has a dad bod ngghhh..

Has kind of a big family (2 sisters and 3 brothers.)

Is such a people pleaser omfg.

Jimbalaya...

American, and a lil bit of turkish origins (from his dad)

(Tw for this one : sa, incest,pedophilia, child abuse) I hc that younger his dad sa'ed him. His life was a terrible hell before having the legal age (and even after) to get out of his family. He got abused in so many ways bruh. (doesnt make any of his actions anymore valid ofc)

Also got several girls pregnant before anya, he guess most of them aborted, but he never bothered or cared to check if he got a kid or not..

Had a BIG nirvana phase in his teenage years. Also hate those people who wears those preppy nirvana shirts.

Smells like cigarettes and cheap cologne

doesnt really gaf about his hygiene most of the time

Attempted several times, curly was the one stopping him most of the time.

Type of guy to say "OF detected, opinion rejected" on a random girl page then get an Subscription to the said girl OF 10min later..

Was half joking about the cartoon horses thing..☹️

fucking hate kids

Has a little sister tho, which is, surprisingly, surely one of the only thing he genuinely care about, always was worried for her when he left the family home and has to leave her alone with their parents.

Is kinda homophobic asf but fetishize lesbians (my nightmare).

Has SEVERE religious traumas and mommy issues.

Swansea (Hold on Swansea, im 𝓒𝓵𝓸𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓶𝔂 𝓮𝔂𝓮𝓼)

American and australian

Have 3 kids, two daughters and one son, also love his wife so freaking much

Play candy crush ans those shitty random mobile games

Smells like a hint of metal and axe deodorant

Dog person

Is such an old man, daisuke always have to explain to him what to do when it comes to things like smartphones,internet,pcs 😭

Was in the football team of his highschool younger

Is so loud in the bathroom at like 6am for no freaking reasons omfg, average dad experiences

Use "👍🏻" for Everything

thats all i have for him im sorry 😔

[cryptidclaw]

Whisperingclan moon 19 pt. 2

I love how my designs for the evil lesbian spawn, they are so prettyyyy, clangen blessed me with such pretty colors, I mean Sleet is literally pink.

annnd Weedpatch is a big brother now!! I haven't mentioned Celeste before (because technically the clan hasn't met her yet at this point) but she looks exactly like Weed but long furred so.. that's his mom there's no other option. I decided that Rattlekit is Weed's sister bec she's tan and also I wanted to give him some kin since he lost his bff/cousin Jaggedlark last year and she was the whole reason he joined Whisperingclan in the first place :(

Whisperingclan Year 1 | Previous Update | Next Update

designs for the apprentice sisters below!

[askgravityfallsed]

THE YEAR IS 2019… WELCOME TO GRAVITY FALLS: ETERNAL DEVOTION AU Return To The Falls RP Edition

Related accounts set in 2012: @formerquestionmarkmp, @dippers-guide-to-the-strange, @pocketsfullofglitter, @queenplatinumpaz2012.

CHARACTER INFORMATION:

Mason “Dipper” Marth Pines:

Age: 19 years old

Pronouns: He/They

Identity: Bisexual, Non-Binary

Fiancé: Paz Southeast

Online College Student

Stoner

Well known ghost hunter in the area

Mabel David Pines:

Age: 19 years old

Pronouns: She/It/Pink/Meow/Oink

Identity: Cis, Aroace

Shroom addict (Don’t tell mom!)

Sells knitted sweaters and scarves, as well as Kandy bracelets, on Etsy

Pastel Goth/Scene mixture… I don't know either man.

Stanley Caryn McGucket-Pines:

Age: 67 years old

Pronouns: He/Him

Identity: Cis Bisexual

Husband: Fiddleford McGucket-Pines

Usually out sailing with Ford and Fidds

Kept his mullet in honor of his nieces old nickname

Owns five “#1 Dad” Mugs. Four from Soos, one from his niece.

Stanford Filbrick Pines:

Age: 67 years old

Pronouns: He/It (Only uses it due to Bills effect on him)

Identity: Cis Gay

Space Divorced TM both Fidds and Bill on separate occasions

Formerly brainwashed by Bill- barely resisting getting back together with him

Can not handle The Lust TM

Paz Elliot Southeast:

Age: 19 years old

Pronouns: He/Him

Identity: Bisexual Transgender

Fiancé: Mason Pines

Only recently found out he was trans- binds and cut his hair, but that’s about it

Steals Dippers clothes a lot. They’re his now actually.

Will never, ever admit to being the bottom of the relationship even if they’ve been together six years and it’s obvious as fuck.

Working for Greasys Diner

Jesus “Soos” Ramírez:

Age: 29 years old

Pronouns: He/Him

Identity: Cishet

Wife: Melody Ramírez

Stan is his dad figure, duh

Melody and him have a son named Diego

Cried like a baby the first time the twins referred to him as their uncle

Wendy Blerble Corduroy:

Age: 22 years old

Pronouns: She/He

Identity: Cis Bisexual Lesbian

Dippers weed dealer. Why are you shocked

Barely looks any different than she looked at age fifteen… except she ties her shirt into a crop top to show off her stomach tattoo of an axe.

Hottest lesbo on the block, according to nobody but her friend group

Robert “Robbie” Stacy Valentino:

Age: 23 years old

Age During Death: 15 years old

Pronouns: He/Him

Identity: Cis, Bi-curious (will not admit this)

Somehow befriended Paz. Neither know how nor want to admit it, but they have movie nights where they do each others nails and makeup and cry to metal music.

Zombie. Walking corpse even. Yep, we’re leaning into THAT old theory.

Still beefing with Dipper for literally no reason. Even Dipper doesn’t hate him at this point he just likes annoying him. They’re like brothers honestly.

Gideon Charles Gleeful:

Age: 17 years old

Pronouns: She/Her

Identity: Trans lesbian

Ex-Ciphertology child cultist

Despite this she still cries over the fact that Bill finds her annoying

She can’t really find anything to do with herself anymore since weirdmaggedon and highschool so she’s really fucking bitter.

Fiddleford Hadron McGucket-Pines:

Age: 69 years old (haha funny number)

Pronouns: He/Him

Identity: Cis Gay

Husband: Stanley McGucket Pines

Him and Emma May were actually beards- still occasionally in contact.

Was forced into a polyamorous marriage with Bill and Ford- eventually divorced them for MANY reasons

Seriously this guys got some BAD C-PTSD to be honest

Martha Winona Pines:

Age: 38 years old

Pronouns: She/Her

Identity: Cis Aromantic Bisexual

Ex-Husband: David Patterson

Has even WORSE C-PTSD from being Bills former puppet for like seven ish years

Literally so fucking grumpy about his return but NOBODY will let her murder him so she’s decided on verbal assault

Loves her kids soooooo so much

Calls Stan “Uncle Mullet”

William “Bill” Lu Cipher:

Age: ??????????????????? centuries old.

Pronouns: He/They/It- anything masculine or gender neutral

Identity: What a boring concept

Former triangle, now human for redemption- can only reincarnate if fully reformed, though he will never fully be forgiven for what he’s done, so he’s stuck this way til this body dies.

Can’t use his powers anymore- not even floating, which he hates a LOT

Misses Ford soooooo much…. Fucking loser.

BOUNDARIES:

13+ interactions only

Currently Gideon is still a minor, and I’m only a teenager, so please keep the NSFW to a minimum. Suggestive is fine, though.

DNI inc3st/p3do proshippers, p3do/m4p, transph0bic, hom0phobic, or r4cist people. You are not welcome here.

Please be respectful to me, the mod. You can be mean to characters, not to me. I do not appreciate hostility

Here and Here are the Casting Call links for the Eternal Devotion podcasts, please consider helping out with voice acting or even writing!

[cranberryjuice-posts]

Sarcastic man hating Lesbian Y/n if she was in tlou

Pairings - Abby X fem! reader, the Salt Lake City Crew X platonic reader

———

Random WLF Girl - hey y/n we Need to talk.

Y/n - uh.. ok

Random WLF Girl - look so I know you and manny have been hanging out a lot more recently but just so you know he’s mine.

Y/n - girl.. what the fuck does that have to do with me

Random WLF Girl - I know you like him!

Y/n - …right idea wrong person babe

———

Owen - all I’m saying is that your plan to to attack the scars is stupid

Y/n - ok and I think the way you act is fucking stupid but I wasn’t asking you ok

———

Owen - What’s more important huh? Doing the assignment like Issac has intended for us or going after some rumor about some stray pregnant dogs

Y/n - Abby~ I can’t do it alone.. pleasssee *purposely shifting so your cleavage is more noticeable*

Abby - *looking down and sighing*

Manny - and we lost her

———

Nora & Mel - *standing aside watching you and Owen fight*

Owen - You don’t get to talk to me like that

Y/n - And you need to shut the fuck up when grown women are talking!

Owen - I—

Y/n - SHUT the fuck up! When grown women talking!

———

Mel - thanks for doing my hair y/n

Y/n - of course I always cut your hair melon *kisses her cheek*

Owen - *walks into the room* woahh someone looks pretty

Y/n - and it certainly isn’t you

Mel - dude..

———

Y/n - I fucking hate men

Manny & Owen - we know

———

Y/n - *bleeding out*

Nora - she’s loosing blood! Y/n look at me what’s your type

Y/n - really hot blonde girls with muscles and a passion for revenge

Nora - blood type dumbass

———

Owen — *thinks he’s telling a joke but it’s actually stupid*

Y/n - *chuckles and points gun at him* I will shoot you

———

Y/n - manny what the fuck! If you hook up with someone at-least have them take their underwear home with them *tosses blue bra at him*

Manny - keep that same energy when you leave your shit here after your nights with Abby

Y/n - 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️

———

Leah - are there any drugs in the apartment

Y/n - if there are you better find them and give them to me immediately… no there’s no weed in the apartment

Leah - you sure Nora said you can’t smoke while hurt

Y/n - yeah I’m sure if there is I’ll find it and give it away it’s not a big deal ‘ouhhh there’s drugs in the house ahh we’re all gonna die’

———

Manny - hey man I don’t think that’s how your supposed to change a light bulb

Y/n - oh my fucking bad Tomas Edison why don’t you come over here and show me how to do it

———

Jordan - you didn’t cry when bambis mom died?!

Y/n - yes it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the dear

———

Owen - *tells plan for an assignment*

Y/n - Owen that’s actually a really good idea

Owen - really?!

Y/n - no.

———

Y/n - *anxiously packing to leave an assignment early because she heard Abby had gotten injured*

Jordan - wait where are you going

Y/n - to the clicker convention down the road WHERE DO YOU THINK IM GOING!

———

That’s it lmk if y’all want a pt 2

[bitterkarella]

Identifying furries by their fursonas

Fox- this is the default fursona for the default furry, namely a twink with a blown out fucked to death asshole

Vixen- Girl fox referred to as a vixen is an egg, girl fox just referred to as a fox is an out trans woman

Kistune - the same as above but weeb flavor

he-wolf - a greasy guy who weighs 12 pounds soaking wet and wears a fedora. republican.

she-wolf - the butchest bull dyke you ever saw

coyote - manic depressive. always on something. the drug connection at any furry party

Cat- always a woman

black cat - could be any gender but always goth

kitten/kitty - a trans sex worker, has an only fans they really want you to know about.

bobcat - older dude. wants people to think he's ex-military

Jaguar - an older black guy. will probably have the word "black" in his fursona's name

lion - just a huge asshole

tiger - another asshole. old. wants you to believe he's ex military or ex-police, probably a member of the dorsai irregulars. major grill dad vibes

jackal - a huge asshole and a slut. white gay racist, probably transphobic

cougar - either a trans woman or a terf. there's no in between

Horse - white woman who identifies as 2 Spirit or a guy who wants to be stomped on

Pony - gay nazi

unicorn - either the absolute gayest dude you can be or a 9 year old girl. sometimes a late in life transition

Tanuki - latino

badger - either a huge lesbian or an old avuncular straight guy. possible sex pest

Raccoon - nature's greatest mistake. too normie to be furry, too furry to be normie. dilf.

bat - either a goth or a real annoying shit (some overlap). invader zim fanboy. doesn't drink alcohol but claims to act crazy on "sugar highs." definitely has dabbled in webcomics

cow - a woman. maternal. mom friend or mommy dom. milf. possibly trans femme

steer - a big strong fat rough trade gay guy

sheep - mom vibes

pretty much any farm animal - mom vibes

domestic pig - wild card. might be a wet and messy fetish thing tho or a trash eating thing. loves to be stinky. loves to talk about being stinky.

wild pig - trans masc

skunk - either a fat beardy guy who has a tumblr blog about animation squash & stretch or a stoner gal. very straight. the straightest. a kinsey 0. has strong feelings about what the fandom used to be like before there were all these kids in it.

rat - is a huge asshole as a front, probably likes talking cigars

lemur - autistic

sloth - 420 blaze it. will never finish any commissions

chakat - an older cishet man who thinks the fandom is too political & refers to "anime" as "japanimation"

sergel - nazi

citra - the biggest dipshit you've ever met

procyon - furry equivalent of the thomas jefferson miku binder pic. you should not be talking to this person, this is a literal child

weasel - a girl with cluster b personality disorders

ferret - a person who has at least one pet ferret, but probably many

mole - this person thinks they're in a beatrix potter story

guinea pig/chinchilla/jerboa/gerbil/any kind of fat rodent you can keep as a pet - the sweetest person you will ever meet

armadillo/pangolin/anteater/aardvark - smug, contrarian. "i just wanna be different"

mouse - vore fetishist, prey. sub.

hyena - vore fetishist, pred. probably trans masc

otter - a dommy twink, possible enby

bear - gay

panda - absolutely a white person pretending to be asian. probably running a gofund me scam with a suspicious story about how they're a professional nintendo gamer who injured their hand or something

bullfrog - a huge fat hairy straight guy

any other frog - inflation or rubber fetishist

axolotl/newt/salamander - genderfluid enby

rabbit - trad wife trans woman

squirrel - autistic and gay

deer - gay

gazelle - zootopia megafan

monkey - punk DIY artist type, definitely loves weed

ape - absolutely baffling. nothing this person does or says makes any sense. you will be left wondering whether you're speaking to a child, a person with severe mental issues, or someone who doesn't have english as a first language

elephant - mom friend

hippo - a fat fetishist or a transformation fetishist

rhino - an older cishet dude who wants to project a curmudgeonly yet approachable aura

kangaroo - definitely not an australian person. extremely focused kinkster, usually feet or inflation. more STDs than should be possible to carry

koala - an asian woman

virginia opossum - anarchist/communist punk trans man who makes zines and/or comics

australian possum - just here to have fun. wants everyone else to be having fun too. wacky funster. (sugar gliders and flying squirrels fall under this category)

any other marsupial - poser

monotremes - extreme poser, don't even bother

doberman- gay dude who tops from the bottom or a cop (there is some overlap)

german shepherd - a nazi or a cop (there is substantial overlap). definitely a furry raider. he will wear his cop uniform to con and after con will post videos pretending that someone was rude to him

afghan - arch femme

basset hound - racist

puppy - sub, probably an egg. extremely draining. cries a lot

all other dogs - just dudes being bros (gender neutral)

dragon - the furries of furries. like to talk about eating "sammiches" and "chocklit." probably an adult baby lifestyler. they will send DMs that just say "hi." they like to RP and when they contact you about a potential commission they are actually just trying to trick you into RP

griffin - the same as above but also a brony

snake - sissy hypno fetishist

turtle - an old man, probably southern. an ironic grandpa.

other scalies - furry in denial. either a child or an old person from CYD. the world's last something awful goons

any fursona with latino vibes - white

any fursona with asian vibes - latino

any fursona with native american vibes - eastern european

avian - girl who's not like other girls. hippie. vegan.

raven/crow - agender voidgoth

chicken - mom vibes

dinosaur - the absolute biggest nerd. probably has an actual degree in paleontology. definitely dresses like miss frizzle.

any invertebrate - not a real furry, their girlfriend just made them get a furaffinity account before they could get ass. either that or they've never even heard of furry, they just came up with the idea of anthropomorphics from first principles. a biology teacher or weirdo (there is some overlap)

amoeba - this is a troll

[jawz]

i’ve been thinking a lot lately about the way my ethnicity affected the way i was gendered as a child, my drive to transition, and even my detransition…

as a hispanic growing up with my white mom and white stepdad and white brother and white extended family in scandinavian hell (minnesota), i always felt different, always felt wrong. (my parents divorced as a baby, and my dad and his family, cuban and italian, all live in florida.) my neighborhood wasn’t so bad; it was way more diverse than the metro area itself. growing up i had mixed friends, i had friends with curly hair… but us trailer park kids were only a fraction of the population of our schools and district. a sea of blonde hair. there were times in elementary school i would literally pray to god to make my hair straight, make my eyes blue. grown-ups touched my hair and always asked “is it naturally curly?”. my classmates urged me to straighten it and by age 13 it was part of my ridiculously time-consuming “feminizing” beauty rituals.

much earlier, by the age of 8 or 9, i already had thick, dark hair growing on my legs. other kids, boys and girls alike, called me “gorilla girl”, faked gagging when i wore shorts, insisted i was actually a boy. that one became more and more common as i came into my personality: bold, class clown, competitive with the boys. (always wanting to charm the girls, but i didn’t recognize that back then.)

my mustache was there by 8, as well. just a little peach fuzz above my lip but dark enough to notice. are you even a girl? my mom would spread wax over her own face and soon began waxing my stache as well. it hurt so badly. i put up with it because she said it would make the kids stop teasing me. of course i was a girl- she was a woman and she had peach fuzz too!… but i felt self-conscious at the fact that my body hair was so much more noticeable, even as a child. my mother’s hair is very thin, straight, lighter brown; her complexion is warmer than mine, pink where mine is olive, green and yellow. i worried you could see the strands about to burst through. i was worried that to be a girl- a woman- i must hide parts of myself every day. i must cover the shoots of grass, the weeds that reveal that i’m not fit for society, that whisper i’m wild and untamed.

it wasn’t actually until i was 18 at least that i actually started to consider myself latino. i had sometimes said ‘hispanic’ growing up, as that’s what my family in florida called themselves; they referred to themselves as “spanish”, which i found out was not quite true after compiling my family tree and discovering that those ancestors emigrated from havana. in their minds they were white: “descended from spanish royalty” (as if!!)… i had spent my youth constantly trying to claim solely whiteness, confused as to why everyone was asking me “are you mexican?” “are you jewish?” “are you middle eastern?” - even though inside i think i knew. i knew my family didn’t look like me. i resented my surname being changed to Lind when i was five, my stepdad’s name, in order to give me the same name as the rest of them. despite my apparent envy of swedes and norwegians i knew it wasn’t my name; i still stood out terribly. i glared at myself in the mirror every day, i never could move past how the kids at school said my eyes were the color of shit, that my hair looked like pubes, that i must have had a sex change without being told because that would explain the mustache, the aggression…

by the time i was fourteen i was entirely primed to accept an alternative explanation to what was “wrong” with me. my sexuality was becoming more and more apparent but before i could ever come out as lesbian or even bi, i had discovered what it meant to be trans. i was so immediately certain that this was the key, THIS was why everyone said i didn’t fit in, THIS was why my behavior wasn’t girly, THIS was why i wanted to date girls. it was 2011, still deep in the “brain sex” era of the trans community, and i was sure without a shadow of a doubt that i was physically female, mentally male. all that needed to be done was to “correct” my body and bring it in line with my brain. despite the fact that very few people knew what transition actually was back then, i genuinely assumed it would make sense to everyone else, too: they had told me i wasn’t ‘really’ a girl so many times i had no trouble believing it.

transition, of course, did not suddenly de-latinize me LOL. first i became a total Other, outside of both the minnesotan ethnic norms and the gender+sex norms; eventually, with hormones and surgery at a very young age, i was able to pass as a boy, but by the time i could grow actual full-on facial hair, i realized i was still the pan-latin american enigma to people around me. multiple times someone would call me “sanchez” as some sort of attempted insult or joke. police looked at me differently than they had before. shop owners followed me, accused me of shoplifting. and sometimes, the white girls i dated told me that i was way cooler than all the boring white boys they knew. one girl even called me “exotic” to my face. it was, apparently, a compliment.

when i was 21 i heard that my girlfriend had referred to me to others as “a POC who identifies as white”. it felt as though she didn’t even know me at all. i’d never claimed either of those things to her.

moving to the west coast (socal specifically, where being latino/a is not considered ‘abnormal’) illuminated a lot of the bizarre and unnatural racial expectations of my midwest upbringing; i think by this point i was beginning to realize what so many things from my childhood had meant. that they weren’t really saying i was a boy. they were saying we don’t like girls who look like you, and we’d rather not have you included in our category.

it took me another three years to fully reckon with this. by the time i decided to detransition i had a much better understanding of the circumstances of my life; conversations with close friends who are also latina and have walked similar paths to me, heard similar insults, similar “compliments”, opened my eyes to the fact that i was not alone. i no longer feel weird for thinking the race/ethnicity boxes on government forms are hopelessly reductive. i know who i am and who i am not.

(around this time, i happened upon some old pictures of my dad’s side of the family. beautiful and glamorous women: adela, my uncle’s mother, the piano player; melanie, my aunt, the wife, hostess, and addict; lauren and andrea, my cousins, the restauranteurs; stella, my dad’s mamma, the widow and matriarch. and on all their faces, thick dark eyebrows, and, yes, that ever-familiar peach fuzz. i swear it healed something in my soul. despite my lack of beauty and glamor, we are not so different after all.)

that’s not to say all things are easy now. i’ve spent three years living as a GNC woman and if that wasn’t enough to confirm most all of my hypotheses on people’s perceptions of me, i don’t know what is.

detrans spaces (like most trans spaces) are overwhelmingly white- or at least that’s who dominates conversation. i see SO much downplaying of the things that naturally hairy women go through societally. i see trans allies who purport to be “okay” with detransitioners, saying “what’s the big deal? if you took testosterone you can just go off it and get laser hair removal!! :)” as if laser isn’t expensive as hell, painful as hell, and also WAY more of a process for a woman with dark curly hair than it is for one with straight blonde hair lmfao!!! i see detrans women obsessed with removing all traces of hair from their bodies (even though most of them clearly don’t have a neverending five o’clock shadow like some of us do! my lower face has a constant blue-green disturbance under the surface which makes female spaces incredibly daunting) and insulting the rest of us for being ugly and hairy and making no effort to look like women or what the fuck ever. basically, a lot of people who claim to support us are just racists and essentialists and believe that sex is visual and not biological…🤨

anyway… i guess my main takeaways from all this are:

1. please stop acting like detransition is an entirely internal process and that it’s easy for all of us to be seen as our sex again (some of us like. actually transitioned and passed as the opposite sex), or that potential physical interventions aren’t incredibly invasive and difficult

2. stop assuming all transition and detransition journeys follow your own experience of lifelong whiteness and hairlessness

3. it is a distinct experience to be regularly de-gendered or denied your sex, PRIOR to ever thinking of yourself as literally trans. many trans/detrans people had this happen to us (we were once the vast majority of trans people). but many did not, and generally shock others when they begun breaking gender norms. i really think people from the second group often have trouble understanding that for the first group, changing gender expression is basically a bandaid over an abscess… we have lived entire lifetimes being denied our sex, being told our bodies are not “truly” ours, that there is someone else inside trying to break out. kicked out of the bathroom, the changing room, alienated from single-sex peer groups. transition just flips this experience and instead separates us from our preferred gender group, reinforcing the feeling that we have no place, anywhere.

race/ethnicity, being homosexual or bisexual, mental illness stigma, disability, and low economic class all play an additional role in this. stop perpetuating this and denying us our biological sex.

[allgremlinart]

you must decide. you must choose the ultimate MILF.

propaganda/MILF context under the cut

Kya I - Very brave. Died in kind of just a brutal and violent and sad way. Invisible presence of the show. Good mom, from what we can tell. Bagged absolute stud of a husband so good for her.

Ursa - What can I say ? Soap Opera Protagonist. Forced into non-consensual marriage. Killed her father in law. Loved both of her children very much but it still wasn't enough to save them. Unfulfilled stage mom. Magic Gay Grandpa.

Hei-Ran - Refers to her daughter by her military rank. Maybe killed her cousin and others in honor duels on purpose but it's kind of wishy washy. Had a thing with past avatar, new avatar ends up dating her daughter, which has got to feel kind of weird.

Lin Beifong - One of few characters in-universe with family name privileges. Not the mommy issues giver but the mommy issues haver. A cop but hey she's really hot. No social life. Miserable.

Liling - Going to give her children incredibly intense mommy issues. Capitalist. Engaged in corporate sabotage to ensure her own dominance in factory town. On like the worst possible version of an HOA. Prejudiced against own daughter.

Buttercup Raiko - One of few characters in-universe with family name privileges. Only mistake was marrying absolute cuck of a president. Barely on screen but when she was she served I can't lie.

Suyin Beifong - One of few characters in-universe with family name privileges. Kind of weird ex-hippy turned liberal mom vibes. Didn't give any of her five children mommy issues but DID give them to the ethno-nationalist with a mecha.

Kya II - Canonically lesbian. Hippie aunt. Underutilized. Shows up to beat ass and make fun of her brothers and then leaves to go smoke weed or something. Daddy issues but like they're pretty manageable, could be way worse.

Senna - Next to her husband looks about one apple tall. Long suffering mother of Avatar. Loves her daughter very much. Not really sure how she survived living with the personalities that are Korra and Tonraq but I think it has to be weed. Cute hair.

Izumi - Maybe has 30 seconds of dialogue but nonetheless present in plenty of f/f slash. The glasses are hot. We don't really know much about her besides the fact that her dad loves her very much.

Pema - Tenzin get OFF of that woman. I know she was only pregnant for like technically one season but it may as well have been the whole show. She needs to try weed and also abandon her family for a month. Low-key devious.

Tagaka - Self-titled Pirate Queen. Waterbender but also uses cool sword she stole off a dead guy just cus. Humiliates old men in front of their adoptive children. Ok so MAYBE she raids coastlines and takes prisoners/slaves from villages she plunders but she's hot when she does it.

[soupinaboot]

Nancy Wheeler headcannons cause I love her and there needs to be more

- Taught Mike how to play DnD and in turn taught the rest of the party as well

- Read every Nancy Drew book that she could get her hands on and still has the entire collection

- Went as Nancy Drew a couple of times for Halloween

- Went through that "I hate pink" phase and came out of it covered head to toe in hot pink everything

- Autistic + ADHD, that girl can not stand still she has to be doing something at all times

- Really wanted to be a ballerina when she was younger but felt to embarrassed to ask for lessons

- I personally see her as either bisexual or lesbian with comhet

- Was best friends with Jonathan when they were younger because of Mike and Will. They would babysit them together when their moms were too busy but over time when they didn't need a babysitter they stopped hanging out

- Would start murder mysteries (books, movies, TV shows, etc) and stop them before the murderer is revealed to see of she could figure it out first and is generally pissed if she doesn't

- Once when she was 11, tried to bleach her hair after seeing her mom do it. It went bad. Really bad.

- Took french in school to feel cool but hated it with a passion. Later asked Robin to teach her but still can't speak it cause she was too busy thinking how hot Robin sounded speaking it to pay attention

- Would steal R rated movies from her parents and sneak downstairs to watch them. One time stole Rocky Horror Picture Show from a cousin, had her first gay panic watching Susan Sarandon singing in her bra

- ELA and History smart

- Tried smoking once and wasn't a fan cause of the taste, but later after hanging out with Eddie got more into weed

- Transfem?????

- If we're going with bi Nancy, I truly do think she would have had a crush on Jonathan when they were hanging out as middle schoolers but pretended she didn't

[yeta-drewit]

Wednesday teacher au.

Ive been watching too much Abbot Elementary and I’m obsessed with Wednesday so we are combining it.

Idea- Wednesday is new English teacher at Nevermore after getting kicked out of her last school. During her first months of teaching some of the students disappeared so she decides to solve the mystery behind their disappearances. With the help of Enid her neighbor and colleague, Wednesday would play detective while trying to keep her job and uncovering the history of Jericho and Nevermore.

Wednesday

-English teacher

-Still an author just that she saw that there was a growing number of illiterate people in America so she decided to partake in the “horrible education of the English language”. It’s her first year at Nevermore after she attacked a fellow teacher in her last school. Morticia and Gomez got her the job with Weems.

-Both Enid and Wednesday are dorm mothers of Ophelia hall, in this universe Ophelia hall is the biggest dorm so it’s divided between West and East Ophelia. Enid is the West Ophelia dorm mom and Wednesday is the East Ophelia dorm mom. They live in the dorms, their rooms are right next to each other.

Enid

-yearbook teacher and social studies.

-Has a degree in politics and sociology. She is a government teacher with a little bit of culture and history of outcast sprinkle in there, she also does the yearbook (this mirroring her gossip blog). This is her 2 year, she used to work in California but she left after she refused an arranged marriage to a pack member. She left her pack after something inside her telling her she is needed somewhere with other people, other packs. (I’m basically making her wolf tell her she needs to be gay somewhere else where Wednesday is)

Bianca

-PE teacher, coach for fencing and swimming.

-She does a lot of sport classes like fencing and swimming, etc. she also coaches the fencing and swimming teams. This is her 3rd year too. She has won best teacher of the year for all the 3 years so she is the most popular and loved teacher, one would say the queen bee of the teachers. She wants to become the future principal of Nevermore. She is also a dorm mom.

-Wednesday and Bianca have fake beef because both of them want to become the future principal, so they constantly fight over who is better.

Yoko

-History

-She got bored being a student at Nevermore so she went to college and became a history teacher just to yap about her gossip from different decades. It’s her 3rd year working there. She is married to Divina, they fell in love their first year teaching and pretty much u-hauled that relationship, like the good lesbians they are.

Xavier

-art teacher

-Hates being a teacher, but it gives him a steady income while he pursuits art. Just like in the show he and Bianca dated, they started dating their first year of working there but broke it off during the summer before the 3rd year.

Tyler

-Normie and outcast relationships

-I felt it would be ironic he is a bigoted racist killer who happens to teach about the history and culture between Normies and Outcasts.

Eugene

-Animal teacher

-He teaches about mythological animals as well as normal animals, from history to anatomy of them. He is obsessed with werewolves and does try to hit on Enid. This is his first year teaching. He is the club advisor of the bee keeping club.

Ajax

-Health teacher

-Did some hard drugs in college and decided he would instead teach kids not to do drugs or anything bad he did. He did not give up on weed so he goes to work high sometimes, most of the time, he is surprisingly good at convincing kids not to do drugs though. They call him Mr D for dude.

Divina

-Biology teacher

-Married to Yoko. Idk what else.

Kent

-Custodian

-He just works there.