#And that probably made it hurt worse than if it had been anyone else

[ghouljams]

how does one become free of insecurity? i’m already doing therapy but i feel i’ve only moved away from hating myself so much i want to d*e into just thinking everyone’s better than me

It's a long journey, but well worth it.

I don't think anyone is ever truly free of insecurity, but I think there's also a lot that is unpacked simply through the language we use to describe ourselves and the jokes we allow other people to make at our expense.

Therapy is great at helping you deal with the big feelings, but sometimes little things get caught in your head and it's hard to shake them. Here are some things that I do to keep myself feeling good, and also some things that I'm working on:

No suicide jokes. I make it a point never to joke about "oh I'll just kill myself" or anything like that because ultimately it just makes me feel worse and nobody finds it funny. It's also a good way to change your thinking and direct your solution brain away from "I'll just end things when shit gets hard." This one is a constant battle.

I compliment myself whenever I have the chance. I take every compliment someone gives me. I pretend to be vapid and self-absorbed. I make kissy faces at myself in the mirror. I tell other people how pretty I am, and I don't fucking care if they think I'm a stupid bimbo because I'm trying to love myself and that's more important.

Being kinder to my younger self. This one feels weird but I found myself being mean to little Ghoul when I was really sad. It feels easy to take out your anger on a kid that didn't know any better, and it doesn't guilt you because that's you that you're hating. But look. You were just a kid. You weren't stupid or ugly or unlovable or evil, you were a kid. I just caught myself calling my teenage self ugly the other day on my way to visit my mom and I had to stop and go "why am I saying this? I was just a kid." And it made me cry a li'l bit ngl, but if felt... idk it felt good in a way.

Don't let fucking anyone tell you, you're not worth it. Does your friend make jokes about how dumb you are? Or how you're so cringey? Or so embarrassing or bad at something or forgetful or WHATEVER? Yeah, fuck that noise. Tell them to stop doing that. Tell them it hurts your feelings and if they still don't stop they aren't your friend, they're your bully. I fucking hate bullies. Don't let anyone talk down to you, I don't care if it was a joke at first, it's not funny anymore. Fuck them.

This is something I'm working on, but when you start fixing one insecurity another will probably pop up. I've been working for a long time on liking how I look, and it's gone really well. But now I'm insecure about my intelligence. So I have to stop myself from calling myself stupid or not answering questions. I just fucking rocked my work trivia party, and Mr. Ghoul thinks I'm smart, so I just gotta keep track of my wins. Sometimes you realize that making yourself secure in one thing makes you insecure about another, but that's ok! There's a learning curve to all of this.

Everyone thinks everyone else is better than them. You don't have to be the best at everything, you don't even have to be the best at one thing! What's important is that you're doing your best. People notice when you're working hard, even if you're not churning out the best product because it means you care about it. Which brings me to

Done is better than perfect. Sure it would be great if you were God's most specialist soldier, but think about how much work that would be! Ok so you're not the world's best knitter, but the scarf you made your friend is their favorite scarf anyway because you made it. So you're not a world class writer, but you had a story in your head and you wrote it down. That's better than it never being written at all. Also just because you think it's bad doesn't mean other people won't think it's a masterpiece. Hell, half of the fics I wrote when I first started this blog I could write better now but that doesn't make them bad, it just means I've gotten better.

We as humans are constantly improving and evolving. Don't let who you are no stop you from striving towards who you'll be in the future. Taking one step down the path towards loving yourself is better than giving up and hating yourself forever. It's slow going, but man I've been doing this shit for a decade and I'm so much happier than I was at 18.

You might think that the more you improve the harder and faller you'll fall back to the bottom, but the lows don't get that low again. You're doing great. I'm proud of you.

[theerurishipper]

The thing about Dick Grayson is that he is the one who's there. Whenever anyone has a problem, they go to him. Whenever they need to talk about those feelings (those rare, rare occasions), they talk to him. Which is why it always cuts deepest when his tongue turns onto them. He knows them, and he knows their deepest insecurities that they never admitted to anyone, and he knows exactly how to make it hurt the worst. Because he's the one who was there for it all. He's the one they went to. He's the one who held them and told them it wasn't true. He's the only one they ever admitted it to. And it hurts so much worse coming from him, even though they know on some level that he doesn't truly believe that. Or maybe it's especially because of that that it hurts so much. Idk.

[i2sunric]

I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE part 2 (s.jy)

pairing: rich boy!jake x reader (f)

summary: after jake’s betrayal, you tried try pick up the pieces of your broken heart by replacing him with heeseung, even if they never truly fitted back together— not until your realised jake’s heart was in worse shape.

warnings: sexual tension, angst, hurt/comfort, making out, kissing, smut (blowjob, missionary, doggy, riding, creampie, hair pulling, chocking), unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy!) fighting, alcohol consumption, usage of weed, curse words, pet names (baby, ma cherie), hyung line (minus jake) are actually a conspiracy for jakeyn. Imk if more. PROOFREAD → READ PART 1

published: 13th May 2024

wc: 6.8k

taglist: (permanent) @stolasisyourparent @jaeyunsbimbo @heelvsted @jwnghyuns @seunghancore (one shot) @anittamaxwynn @jvjsssnaa @slut4hee @kgneptun @nyxtwixx @laurradoesloveu @star4rin @capri-cuntz @eneyiri @samouryed @heyniki @ineedsomezzz @nanamomgmong @aishigrey @naurrjakeu @ak-aaa-li @sjakewrld @nikiswifiee @koralira-kira @daisycottage @yunhoswrldddd @smisworld @cloud-lyy @avaleyshin @soobinbunnie5 @ikeulims @tuituibzhe @starggukies @icywinter1999 [BOLDS COULD NOT BE TAGGED]

a/n: aight this actually turned out longer than i intended and did i really write smut while listening to windows down by big time rush? yes. having a keylock doesn’t mean you’re poor btw (i also have a keylock). please REBLOG & LIKE to share! also lmk your thoughts by commenting 🎀 tysm for loving this fic!

You stared yet again at the reflection in front of you. Tear stains had ruined your makeup, your mascara that claimed to be waterproof was now coating your cheeks until your chin.

You gripped the sink in anger, your knuckles turning white at the force.

A lot of curse words flashed in your mind, but none were strong enough to represent your current state.

How could you be so oblivious? You thought Jake and you had something, something that went beyond just two people who met at a frat party.

You felt it, inside your heart, the way it tickled every time you heard his sweet chuckle leave his lips, seeming like the only light in the darkness of life.

You took a deep breath, trying to gather all the shattered pieces of your heart, laying open there. If that was how it hurt, you sure as hell weren’t going to give anyone else the key to access to it.

“What’s a pretty girl crying in the bathroom for?” A voice snapped you out of your trance. You raised your face and met a pair of known, dark eyes.

“Heeseung.” You breathed out, not even bothering to turn around. That moment almost felt like a deja vù, probably because that same bathroom was where your lips first met Jake’s.

Trying to block out all the memories of that Australian man, you turned around and leaned back on the countertop.

“Glad you still remember my name.” He said, licking his bottom lip, “Found out your prince charming wasn’t as innocent as you thought?”

You frowned at his words “How’d you know?” And Heeseung just chuckled bitterly in response “I invited you to my party in hope of having you for myself.”

His eyes roamed all over your body “Just to find out you were at it with my best friend.” You rolled your eyes. “We just made out, nothing more.”

If you thought Jake was bold, Heeseung was shameless. He was looking at you like you were a gazelle in the lion’s den, eyes scanning your body, probably imagining you without clothes.

“Well, he’s busy now.” You turned around and looked at yourself in the mirror, trying to clean the mascara stains on your face.

“With Karina?” Heeseung nodded at himself, “She was there before you.”

You turned around again, a deeply offended expression painting your features “Excuse me?”

Heeseung smirked, cleaning your cheeks with his own thumbs “You really thought Sim Jake would fall in love with a mediocre girl?” He cooed “Aw, poor you. Jake had always been greedy, he would never settle for someone who isn’t from his own neighbourhood.”

“And why are you telling me this?” You asked warily, not fully believing the words leaving his mouth. You wanted to stay with your impression of the kind and playful Jake. Not the player, not the heartbreaker.

“Because he isn’t worth your tears, pretty.” Heeseung’s voice was husky and hoarse, you couldn’t almost understand his words “But I am, when I’ll fuck you so hard.”

You pushed his chest away, “Disgusting.” But Heeseung only laughed in response, “I was kidding.”

You rolled your eyes and stepped aside of him “I’m going home.” You were almost out of the door when his big hand wrapped around your waist, pulling you flush on his chest.

“Or, I have a better idea.” You raised a brow. “You don’t look like someone who has nice ideas.”

“Just trust me.” He wiggled his brows “I know you’re known for seducing and then leaving.”

You scowled “If that’s my reputation on your side of the town.” His fingers trailed your arm until they reached your shoulder, caressing the bare skin “In my opinion, that’s hot.”

“I don’t remember asking.” You sighed, having heard his flattering already when he was courting you, a couple of weeks before.

“I’m saying, we go downstairs.” Heeseung bit his bottom lip, playing with the strap of your dress. “And we get a taste of each other, just let your mind drift off.” He said, lowering down to whisper in your ear.

You honestly weren’t in the mood to make out with someone, let alone be in a room full of teenagers drunk off their tits— But what could you do better to fix your broken heart?

“I hope you improved your kissing skills.”

𓆩♡𓆪

If stares could kill, then the ones Jake was giving you as you basically straddled Heeseung in the middle of his living room got you dead a few minutes before.

Your lips were attached, rarely pulling away, just enough to catch your breath while his hands were wrapped around your waist, holding you in place on his laps.

Jake was still with that pretty woman whose name you learnt was Karina. And in fact, she was deadly gorgeous, you almost didn’t blame Jake for leaving you for her. But you were Y/N, nobody should’ve dared to play with your heart that same cruel way Jake did.

“You don’t mind making out with me in front of him?” You asked on Heeseung’s lips, licking his bottom one “Nah,” He cupped the back of your neck, pulling you closer “You weren’t a thing anyways, were you?”

Your heart stopped at his words, because in fact, you and Jake weren’t anything. You had never been, it was foolish of you to even hope for it.

“No, we weren’t.” You replied in a whisper, “Perfect.” Heeseung resumed kissing you, more roughly this time.

Jake needed something stronger than the mild cup of beer in his hand to forget your presence in the room. Smashing his head on the wall seemed like a good option since not only did you attend the party but were also making out with his best friend.

He called it on himself, he knew nothing good would come with playing with you, but he couldn’t erase all that he had done.

Trying to cancel the image of Heeseung with his hands all over you, he turned to the side to give his attention to the raven haired girl beside him “So, when’s your brother coming home from Paris again?”

Karina smiled at the mention “Sunghoon is coming back in two days!” She informed him, “He also wanted to invite you guys over.”

Jake beamed back at his other best friend’s older sister and nodded “That sounds good, I haven’t seen him in one month or so.”

Karina rolled her eyes “Yeah, I came back as soon as work finished but he claimed he wanted to ‘sightsee’ the city before returning here.”

He smiled “Living his best life, I see.” He patted her shoulder, the touch on her exposed skin only made him remember how your body felt when it was wrapped around his, kissing you all over.

He hoped he could have done more, to be with you longer so that he would have experienced having you laid down beneath him, in your whole essence and beauty. He wished he had a chance to do that— But the universe wasn’t on his side.

You hadn’t realised how much fun those rich kids could have. You thought they talked about horses and lake cottages in their free time but they actually were so much more than that!

Or maybe it was whatever Heeseung made you smoke that was altering your thoughts.

You were currently sitting on his laps, your back pressed against his chest as you took a drag out of the joint between your fingers.

You giggled at something one of Heeseung’s friends said, you weren't even sure why you were laughing but it sounded fun.

Heeseung caressed your back, trailing circles on your shoulder as he took a drag from his own joint “Having fun, Y/N?” He asked and you nodded “Much.”

“Mhmh, I bet you are.” He smirked, “First time smoking weed?”

You nodded again “Jake said I looked like I did it daily,” You chuckled “But I never tried.”

“Did he?” He whispered, getting close to your neck, leaving kitten licks “You talk a lot about him.”

“No.” You frowned “I don’t.” Heeseung chuckled and started sucking on your sensitive skin, making you let out a moan.

His big hand went to cover your mouth as he worked on your neck, sucking and biting enough to leave a hickey “You talked about him the whole night, haven't you even realised?”

You widened your eyes at his statement. No, you hadn’t realised, but when his name rolled out of your tongue it just sounded so right.

You just shook your head, unable to reply verbally since his hand was on your lips.

You closed your eyes, trying to block out any thought at the feeling of Heeseung’s lips on your neck and the weed clouding your mind.

“Are you mad?” A strict voice suddenly snapped you out of your state of trance as you felt yourself being ripped away from Heeseung’s grasp.

You opened your eyes just to find a very rather and deeply angry Jake standing in front of you, if he was in a cartoon you’d see his veins pulsing on his forehead.

“He’s Jake!” You exclaimed happily to Heeseung, the effect of the amount of alcohol you drank and the intoxication from weed made you act hyper “I know.” Heeseung replied calmly.

Jake pulled you behind his back “What were you thinking? Making her smoke this shit?”

You frowned “It’s good—“ But Heeseung cut you “Relax man, we were just having fun.”

“This is not having fun.” He took the joint from your hand and threw it to Heeseung “Don’t get her into your addictions.”

Heeseung raised a brow, his expression remaining stoic “She was willing.” Jake snapped back “She’s drunk!”

He took a deep breath and pointed a threatening finger toward Heeseung “Do not pull this ever again.” He stated before taking your hand in his and dragging you out of the party.

Meanwhile, Heeseung smirked as he saw the two of you walk away; Maybe that was when his best friend would finally wake up and realise all the things he was losing.

𓆩♡𓆪

“Hey!” You exclaimed, trying to pull away from his iron grip “Yunjin is still inside.” Jake let out a small groan “I’ll drive her home later.”

You pulled hard on his hand, making him stop right in front of his crimson car “Let me go.”

Jake’s eyes were full of rage, you were almost scared at their intensity “Are you angry?”

“Yes.” He stated, voice serious “At me?” You asked, your voice was so soft and quiet it made his heart jump out of his ribcage “No, not at you.”

Your eyes were red and bloodshot, your breath heavy “How many did you smoke?” He asked, trying to contain his tone.

You gulped down, lowering your gaze “Two.” Jake nodded and opened the door of his car, letting you in.

“I’m going to kill Heeseung somedays.” He mumbled, walking to the other side and entering the driver seat.

He started the engine and drove in silence, the late hours of the night not as lively as they usually were.

When you reached a stoplight, Jake opened a small bottle of water he had in his car and handed it to you “Drink, I want it all finished before we reach your house.”

You raised a brow, your mind was already puzzled and his actions only added to your confusion “Why?”

“Just listen to me.” He dismissed your question and started driving again while you drank small sips from the bottle.

You soon reached your house, this time Jake parked his car unauthorisedly in front of it, exiting the car to open the door for you.

You looked up at him, your vulnerable state making him want to protect you even more. Damn Heeseung.

“I couldn’t finish it all…” You murmured, showing him only the half-empty bottle of water.

His eyes softened. “That’s ok, at least you drank some.” You smiled up at him and stumbled a little as you tried to reach your house door.

Jake helped you, holding you up with his arms under your armpits “Shoot, Y/N. Why did you drink so much?” He let out a huff, as he was basically supporting all your weight.

You leaned on the wall and handed Jake your purse, not really in the state to open the door.

“What’s the code?” He asked and looked at your door, just to realise there was no code to access inside it, your door still needed a key to be opened.

His stomach dropped, another mental check of how different your lives were “Inside the purse.” You murmured.

Jake nodded and opened your purse, taking out the keys and opening the door, holding it open.

“You’re mad at me?” You asked again, your eyes half-lidded and you could barely hold yourself up— yet you were ever so pretty.

The moonlight shone on you, lighting up your skin, your hair falling down your face, messy but gorgeous. So dishevelled but so pretty.

“No, Y/N. I’m not mad at you.” He repeated, his tone sincere “Then… Then why you ignored me?” You asked, the pout on your lips only making him want to bite on them.

He gave you the purse back and pushed you a little so that you walked in “Go straight to bed, don’t wake your parents up. You don’t want them to see you like this.”

You nodded obediently and Jake caressed your cheek with his thumb before turning around. He stopped right in front of your door and smiled “I’m doing this for you, ma chérie.” And then closed the door.

𓆩♡𓆪

“Hey man,” Jake greeted Sunghoon as he entered his house, giving him a high five, “Good to see you again.”

“Yeah, glad to see you too.” Sunghoon nodded and closed the door behind his back.

“Am I the last one?” Jake asked, walking to the couch and sitting on it, bouncing a couple of times.

“No,” A wild Jay appeared from the kitchen where he was cooking something for dinner, already busy since late afternoon. “Heeseung texted he’d be late.”

“As always.” Sunghoon rolled his eyes and sat down beside him “I swear, he never changes.”

“Jay told me you will take over your father’s company,” Sunghoon smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes “Congratulations.”

“Yeah.” Jake laughed “Thanks.” Awkward silent filled the room, the only sound being Jay’s pots as he cooked. Sunghoon eyed him up and down, leaning back on the couch and resting his head on his hand “Hadn’t you rebelled to your parents?”

“Rumours fly.” He smiled forcefully “It was just a silly thing. I actually realised I should make them proud after eveything they did for me.”

“And what exactly did they do for you, Jake?” Sunghoon’s voice was low, his gaze piercing.

Jake just cleared his throat and changed the topic “So, how was Paris?” He asked “I know you booked a hotel near the Eiffel Tower. Bet it was awesome.”

Sunghoon tsked “Indeed. I’ll show you the picture if you want.” Jake answered positively when the doorbell rang.

“You get the door, it must be Heeseung.” Sunghoon got up from the sofa and patted his pockets “I’ll search for my phone.”

Jake got up as well and walked to the door, the doorbell rang again and he sighed “Yeah, coming.” He opened it and widened his eyes when he saw another familiar figure beside Heeseung.

He took in the sight of you, wearing comfortable clothes, looking ever so dreamy.

His gaze fixed on the hickey Heeseung made you a couple of days before, now all dark and purplish. He gulped “What is she doing here?”

“I invited her.” Heeseung shrugged, stepping aside Jake and walking inside the house.

You were left with him, staring at each other’s faces, acting as if both of your hearts weren’t pounding “How’s the after effect?”

There was no context but you knew what he meant “Good, I’m a big woman. No joint can kill me.” You replied, walking beside him when no more words were exchanged. Truth to be told the next day you woke up with a throbbing headache, regretting all of your life choices— though the biggest one was the hickey on your neck.

“I thought you didn’t want to hang out on this side of the town.” Jake spoke, his tone sounding mocking. You scowled “Maybe I changed my mind.” You walked faster toward the kitchen where everyone was gathered.

You got to know Jake’s friend group. Aside from Heeseung and him, you had only seen Jay at the last party. You later found out Sunghoon was on a business trip in Paris which was why you hadn’t seen him before, but even if you did he wasn’t the happiest about your presence, so you thought you wouldn’t have been friends.

Jay, on the other end, was sophisticated and kind, the two of them looking ever so the stereotype of rich kids.

Heeseung and Jake were rather normal, they could’ve passed as the kids from your neighbourhood if you didn't know their true identities.

“I brought some snacks.” Sunghoon announced, placing a sachet on the table. He took out all kinds of sweet things, but your eyes lit up at the sight of macaroons.

You had only seen their pictures and let your mind wander at what their taste would be like, but now they were in front of you, so you reached your hand and took one.

“You like ‘em?” Heeseung asked, taking the chocolate flavoured one and eating it “I’ve never tried them.” The whole table fell silent, all the boys stopping in their tracks.

“Never?” Jay questioned and you shook your head “That’s a bummer though, I only bought four for the four of us.” Sunghoon was about to take the vanilla flavoured macaroon out of your hand when Jake slapped it away.

“I don’t like them anyways, she can have mine.” Jay frowned at his friend’s words “You love macar—“ He was shushed by a biscuit placed in his mouth by Jake “I don’t like them.” He repeated.

You bit on the small treat and your eyes formed hearts “It’s so good!” You said, munching on it. And you didn’t know it, but Jake’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of you so happy.

You continued to spend time with them, playfully beefing with Sunghoon as if you weren’t an intruder in his house until they decided to go in the free time room to play billiard.

“But I don’t know how to play billiards.” You pouted, watching all the men gather around the pool table.

“That’s ok, you can just watch.” Sunghoon dismissed you quickly, placing himself in front of you to posionate the balls inside the triangle.

You just scoffed and sat on the kitchen counter, crossing your arms on your chest.

You watched the game develop in front of your eyes, never truly understanding its rules. They were too useless and complicated and you stopped paying attention in the middle.

After what seemed like forever, where you had the time to walk around Sunghoon’s big house three times and even have a chat with his maids — cause apparently, rich kids could even afford maidens — you entered the kitchen again just to see it was empty.

You looked around, checking if anyone was there before following Sunghoon’s previous actions, placing the balls in the triangle to align them.

You didn’t know what they found interesting in billiards, and trying to understand it wasn’t going to get you killed.

You took the cue stick and positioned yourself, copying the boys’ postures.

Something must’ve gone wrong, though, because as you pushed the cue you embarrassingly missed it.

“You are too far with your back.” The same voice that haunted your dreams spoke from behind you, making you flinch.

“Chill, it’s just me.” Jake stated, munching on some chips “Heeseung wondered if you wanted something to eat.”

You smirked, leaning on the table “Heeseung or you?” Jake rolled his eyes but didn’t deny your questioning.

He gulped down his food and stared at you “You want to play pool?”

“I already said I don’t know how to do that.” You repeated, glancing back at the untouched balls “I don’t even understand the rules.”

“Here.” Jake’s accent tickled your ears as he made you turn around with his hands on your hips “Bend just a little.” You didn’t know if his voice was really that low or if he was doing it just to tease you— Whatever was his plan, you were down for it.

“Mh? Like this?” You said with your most innocent voice, bending slightly more on the table, just enough to make your ass touch his front hips.

He let out a faint groan “Yeah.” He tried not to show the effect you had on him and trailed his fingers along your arms until he reached the cue stick in your hands. Goosebumps formed on your skin at the contact.

“Then?” You asked, eager for him to touch you. “Then you place the cue like this.” He shifted your fingers so you could grip it the right way and turned his face, you could feel his breath on your skin and the tip of his nose poking your cheek.

There was also something else poking your ass cheeks, which was why you started moving, briefly. Just to tease him.

“Take the aim.” The combination of his voice and the proximity of your bodies made your mind hazy, making it hard for you to concentrate.

You just let him guide you “And… Shoot.” You pushed the cue between your fingers and finally, all the balls moved around the green table.

One went into the hole and you jumped happily “I did it!” You exclaimed, laughing “You saw?” You asked, turning around.

Jake was staring at you with ever so deep eyes, full of emotions you didn’t quite get but felt inside of you as well “I always see you.”

𓆩♡𓆪

You weren’t sure why Heeseung invited you to yet another party, or the reason as to why you seemed to be the only girl at a boys hang out, but you weren’t going to complain.

The hotel you guys were staying in was huge, apparently it belonged to Heeseung’s parents and you could have it all for yourself the whole night.

Wearing the best dress you owned you presented yourself at the location beside the raven haired man.

You greeted his friends group and noticed there were many other people, unlike you thought, all partying and dancing together.

It was very different from the ones he usually threw at his house, this one was huge and packed, there was almost no space to go through the crowd.

“And you said I couldn’t bring Yunjin along.” You side eyed Heeseung, earning a shrug. “One girl from the other side is already enough.”

You slapped lightly on his shoulder “Rude.” Heeseung laughed and pushed your back a little. “Go have fun, I have guests to greet.”

Feeling like a mouse surrounded by cats, you made your way through the crowd, trying to ignore the thirsty stares you were receiving. Since that fateful night where you willingly let your heart out for Jake you had become more careful with your possible make outs.

As you turned your face to look at the big pool where people were swimming, you accidentally bumped someone's chest, which made you stumble backwards.

“Sorry,” You murmured, about to walk away when a hand came around your wrist. It wasn’t Jake’s, the one you were used to, it was much rougher and tighter.

You glanced up just to notice a tall guy, probably high judging from his bloodshot eyes and twitching nose. Holy Moly.

That guy lowered to match your height, his hot and smelly breath made your nose scrunch in disgust “Hey, gorgeous.”

Your whole body froze and your heart stopped beating for a few seconds “Uh… Hi.” You laughed awkwardly, trying to remove your hand from his grip.

“You bumped me by mistake?” He asked, getting dangerously close “Or did you want my attention. You didn’t have to pull that act, my attention is all yours now.” His words were so slurred you could barely understand them.

“Actually, it was a mistake.” You said and again tried to pull away from him, but the more you tried the more he got closer.

“Don’t lie.” He whispered and wrapped one arm around your waist. You were trapped, your breath hitching.

“I truly am not.” You pushed his chest away, resulting in him only tightening his grip “Come on… Let’s have fun.”

“She said it was a mistake.” A familiar voice with a thick accent, thicker than usual, commented, placing one hand on the guy’s shoulder.

The guy groaned and raised himself in all his height, turning around in slow motion — or maybe it was just your panicked vision playing tricks — toward Jake.

He stood in front of him, unfazed by how big and tall that guy was as he stared at him with a dark gaze.

“And who are you to interrupt us?” The guy asked, his voice too low for your own likings “Her guy.” Jake said as if it was the most obvious answer, raising a brow.

“So, I suggest you walk the fuck away before I throw one punch on your nose and break it.” You had never seen Jake angry, you had a few fantasies about it, but you would’ve never imagined him being so scary (and hot).

His whole aura was inky, arms crossed on his chest, showing his excessively veiny arms.

That guy was surely drunk but not enough to risk his own life. He raised his hands in a submissive manner and nodded “Alright, sorry man.” Jake tilted his head “It’s not me you have to apologise to.”

He took a moment to comprehend his words “Oh.” He then turned to you and scratched the back of his neck “I’m sorry.” He didn’t wait for your reply and just walked away.

Your eyes then met Jake’s, filled with wrath “I—“ You said but were met by his hand around your wrist, this time your body not repulsing it as that guy’s and he dragged you inside the hotel.

“Jake, let go.” You tried to fight him but he was stronger, dragging you through the corridors until he reached what would’ve been a storage room, full of pillows and sheets supplies “Let go, it hurts.”

Jake loosened his grip “You really have trouble written on your forehead.” He snapped, his breath heavy as he paced around the room “I can’t look away from you that you’re getting yourself into something bad.”

You frowned at his harsh words “That’s not true.” Jake scowled “Is it not? You either get high or almost—“ He couldn’t bring himself to finish his sentence.

“Why do you even care anyways?” You said back, brows knitted “You’re the one who used me.”

Jake stopped in his tracks “Used you?” He got closer to you.

“Yes,” You stepped forward as well. “You just used me, made me think you actually cared about me just to rebel against your parents.”

You gulped, your heart breaking again at the memory “Next thing I know, you’re ignoring me and smiling at a pretty girl.”

“Did you fuck her, Jake?” He was taken aback from your words, placing his hands on your shoulders. You shrugged him off, he still remained in your proximity without touching you.

“I think I lost something here, who was I smiling at?” You clicked your tongue, your hands on your waist as you got frustrated.

“That girl, last Saturday.” You explained “Dark hair, killer body, tall… Come on Jake, just admit it you wanted someone to fuck but I didn’t and so you went with someone else.”

“That’s really not what I did. I would never.” He blinked faintly “That girl, she’s Karina, Sunghoon’s sister.” He then added “I don’t like her, not that way.”

You wanted to scowl at him, but his tone was so serious you found yourself asking “..What?”

“You’re not the problem, Y/N.” Jake said, sighing “It’s me, it’s all my fault.”

You shook your head, confused. “What— Jake, I don’t understand.”

“I shouldn’t have asked you to help me.” He backed up until his back hit the wall, running a frustrated hand in his hair “I exposed you to my parents— I—“

You moved to him, taking his face in your hand “Stop mumbling.” You ordered “Talk to me, what’s wrong?”

Despite the way he treated you in the past week, your touch was still gentle and you worried about him. A spark of hope lit his heart up.

Jake nodded and took a deep breath “My parents… they said that if I didn’t break up with you they’d make yours lose their job. You’d lose your house… I couldn’t do that, Y/N.”

He seemed as if he was slowly loosing his mind. You took in the sight of him, dark circles under his eyes, he looked paler wearing that white shirt. Just what on earth had he been doing?

“They’re powerful, with the amount of money they have they can easily buy your whole neighbourhood and evict you.” He gulped down “So I am preparing to take over the company, to make them happy.”

Your eyes widened at his words, “They threatened you?” You asked, removing your hands from his cheeks to stand properly.

Jake shrugged, “We weren’t together so technically I couldn’t break up with you, but I could stay away if it meant you’d be safe.” He sighed softly, “I told you I’m a bad bet since the first time we met.”

“No,” You shook your head “You aren’t bad, your parents are.”

He scoffed, “And I’m just like them.”

You fisted the collar of his shirt and brought his lips down to yours. He was shocked by your sudden action but he relaxed soon and closed his eyes, kissing you back.

“Say that again and your face will meet my fist.” You breathed out as you pulled away “You don’t get how brave you are? You were about to sacrifice your happiness to save my family… someone you met at a party.”

“You’re not just someone I met at a party.” Jake whispered “In just a couple of days you made my whole life better, you made me realise there’s so much more than what I was used to.”

He placed one hand in your hair, caressing your scalp “I never meant to hurt you, baby.”

Your heart jumped as you heard his whisper, the pet name making your head spin “Later, I want you to explain everything to me everything.” You demanded.

Jake nodded “Everything you want, queen.” Your breath quickened “But for now…” You trailed off and connected your lips again.

You kissed him, roughly and he did it back with the same intensity, having missed the taste of you, the scent of your perfume invading his nostrils, clouding his mind.

“Let me take you home,” He murmured between kisses “In your bedroom.”

You shook your head, stumbling backward and bringing him with you “Can’t wait.”

“You sure about this?” He asked as you got out of the storage room, bodies still tangled “I could be bad, worse than you think.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and brought him down on you “Then, I wanna find out.”

Jake let out a small groan and resumed kissing you, blindly reaching a doorknob and praying nobody was inside.

He dragged you in and locked the door behind your backs.

Jake pushed you against the wall as he undid the buttons of his shirt while you unbuckled his belt, your lips never leaving each other.

He discarded his shirt and helped you unzip his jeans, throwing all of them somewhere on the floor.

He then removed the straps of your dress, slowly kissing all the way down your neck to your almost exposed chest. He pulled away, enough to look at the now barely-visible hickey Heeseung did.

Jake let out a deep groan “You don’t know how much this drove me insane.” He commented, trailing his thumb over it

“Yeah?” You asked “Were you jealous?”

“I wanted to rip his head off.” He said, kissing you again “Wanted to cover your whole body with hickeys and my marks, just to let him know who you belong to.”

You nodded, “Do it,” You breathed out “Make me yours, Jake.”

He unconsciously bucked his hips to meet yours, his clothed bulge poking your pussy “Fuck baby, you can’t tell me that.” He whispered, attaching his lips on your neck again.

Jake lowered the dress until it rested on your hips, palming your breasts, growling at the feeling.

You gasped when his lips engulfed your nipple, twirling his tongue round it. Your hand went to grasp his hair while the other slowly lowered his boxers until his painful erection was free.

Jake helped you out of your dress and underwear until you were standing in front of each other naked. “I’ll worship your body another time.” He murmured, trailing his fingers down your chest “For now, I just want to fuck you rough.”

You smirked and shook your head, making Jake widen his eyes “You don’t want this? I can stop.”

“No, I want it.” You stated, slowly sinking on your knees “I just need to show you my skills first.”

That was the hottest thing anyone could’ve done to Jake, his cock twitched in front of you. It was huge, veiny and hard, his mushroom tip looking ever so delicious.

“You see, baby? This is what you do to me.” He pumped his shaft, brushing it on your lips.

“Stick out that tongue for me.” You did as told and stuck your tongue out as Jake laid his cock on it, bucking his hips back and forth. The spongy and warm texture already making it leak with precum.

You played with his balls while you took him whole in your mouth, gagging when it hit the back of your throat. The filthy sounds filled the room as he took a hold of your head, fisting your hair in a makeshift ponytail while he thrusted inside your throat.

“So good.” He panted, his head thrown back and brows knitted.

You twirled your tongue around his cock, pumping it with your hands where your lips couldn’t reach “Sucking my cock so well.”

Before you could even register, Jake pulled out and raised you from your armpits, placing you on the bed.

“I need to feel your pussy.” He stated, rubbing your clit with his thumb “Want to use a condom, baby?” He asked, “Just tell me.”

You shook your head, bringing him down onto you in a heated kiss “Fuck me raw.” He moaned in the kiss and fisted his shaft again, gathering your juices, you got so wet even by just giving him a blow.

He slowly inserted himself in you, the stretch causing you to pant. You weren’t a virgin but he was bigger than the ones you had before, so it took a moment for you to get used to it.

Jake’s thrusts were nice and slow at first, his forehead resting on yours “I can’t resist.” He breathed out, giving a deeper thrust “Please, can I move?”

You nodded your head, trying to breathe steadily. Jake raised from you and spread your legs open while he moved inside you. You grasped your tits, palming them while maintaining eye contact with Jake.

“You don’t know how much I wanted this,” He groaned, pulling out just to spit on your hole to fill it again “Pussy so tight can barely move.”

Your hand went down to rub circles on your clit, trying to make it wetter as his thrusts gained speed.

Jake slapped your hand and commanded “Hands around your ankles.” And so you complied.

He leaned down and kissed you sloppily, his hips moving back and forth at a delicious rhythm. You moaned out loud.

Holding your head up to rest his forehead on it, your eyes still locked with the others as your body connected fanatically, Jake twitched inside of you and halted his movements.

“Fuckk, almost came.” He chuckled, pulling out of you.

“Want to last longer than this.” He took your body and turned you around, you raised yourself on your arms and leaned your ass up.

“You like being fucked in doggy, mh?” He spammed your ass “Looking so eager to be fucked dumb, you won’t think about anything but my cock in you.”

Jake pushed himself inside of you again, making you moan out his name “Yes, that’s me.” He groaned “Say it again.”

“Jake.” You gasped, he fisted your hair, making you arch your back while he rutted your body “Oh, Y/N.” He moaned as well.

Putting one hand around your neck, he squeezed it as he threw his own head back, lost in the pleasure your warm walls were giving you.

“Fuck baby, I’m not gonna last long.” He panted, stopping his movements to edge himself “Just fuck me.” You pleaded, frustrated by your own denied orgasm every time he stopped.

“Sorry,” He chuckled, spanking your ass and leaning down to kiss the back of your shoulder “You want to cum?”

You nodded, raising yourself to kiss him passionately as he slowly thrusted inside you “Can you ride me, baby? Pretty please?”

Jake looked so hot, messy bangs sticking to his forehead and heavy breath, you couldn’t do anything but agree to everything he said.

You waited for him to lay down, his back pressed against the headboard of the bed as you straddled him.

You rubbed your wet folds on his hard-on, Jake reached for your tits and squeezed them “Have I ever told you you’re so fucking hot?” He asked.

You chuckled “No, but I already know that.” You winked and raised yourself on your knees, slowly sinking down on his cock.

The stretch was still a little painful, but nothing compared to the pleasure his dick was giving you.

You moved on him, up and down at a slow but deep rhythm, feeling him all as he hit your cervix with each thrust.

Jake moved your hair out of your face, his lips attaching to your boob as if he was a toddler in desperate need of milk.

You moaned, your hands grasping his shoulders as you moved back and forth at a quick speed.

“Oh yes.” He put his hands behind his head and watched as you rode him, your mouth agape, gasping for air while shaky moans escaped your lips “Feels good.”

Your legs started to shake and you could barely keep yourself up as you felt the knot in your stomach tighten “I’ve got you.” Jake noticed and made you lay on his chest, his hands spreading your ass cheeks as he started rutting inside you, his pace so quick you didn’t know it was possible.

Your pussy clenched around his cock, creaming him as you fell apart, your moans loud and whole body shaking.

Jake didn’t stop, he chased his own orgasm which was so close.

“You're just made to please me.” He panted, giving a few more thrusts “You're made to squeeze every drop of cum from my cock.” His eyes rolled back with a low groan as he shot his load, his cock twitching until it emptied in you.

You both stayed there for a while, just trying to steady your breaths and calm your racing hearts.

Jake slowly traced your back with his fingers, a featherlight touch sending shivers all dove your spine.

He pulled out, his cum dripping down from your pussy to your thighs and bedsheets.

Jake helped you sit up and removed a few strands of hair that got stuck to your face “You look gorgeous.” He whispered, earning a smile from you “And you did amazing.”

He cleaned you up and threw the dirty sheets on the floor “I’m sorry for whoever will have to clean them tomorrow.” You commented, grimacing.

“Don’t worry about it,” He soothed, settling himself beside you and holding you on his chest, gently caressing your bare shoulder.

You looked up at him, resting your chin on his shoulder. “You should start making choices for your own happiness, Jake.” You murmured

Jake let out a small sigh “Indeed, I should.” He pressed a kiss on your brow “I want to choose you, not my parents, not anyone else. Only you.” You smiled, “I only want you, too.”

“I’ll find a way to fight my parents, I promise I’ll be stronger this time.” Your eyes softened at his words, you caressed his cheek and he leaned on your palm, melting “Oh Jake, you’re the strongest person I know.” You confessed.

“Really?” He asked, looking like a lost boy, “Really.” You confirmed.

Suddenly, your stomach growled loudly. Jake glanced at his phone he had found in his forgotten jeans and put on the bedside table “It’s late night, ma chérie. You’re hungry?”

You nodded, “I want steak.” Jake snorted at your joke “And I want a burger.” He said back.

“Hanging out with a girl from the other side of the town changed you.” You smirked, nudging his shoulders

“Yeah. For the better.”

THE END.

[a-mint-bear]

Make Me Yours

Male Yandere x Reader

Part 2: "Your One and Only"

"I just... really wanna put a collar on a cute guy."

You didn't even mean to say it out loud, but your best friend since middle school had always been super open with this sort of stuff. You've always been the first one she texts when a date goes really well, or really terribly. And a lot of your coffee meetups, like this one, devolve into her oversharing all the juicy details of her relationships.

"Oh wow." She nudged you with a grin. "Didn't know you had it in you!"

Unable to meet her eyes, you try to defend your stray thought. You remind her of some of the jerks you've dated, how their assertive and self-assured personalities had all quickly turned into a bit too aggressive and controlling. In certain situations, in controlled doses... that could lead to a nice time. But it's all fun and games until you try to explain away some of their worse moments to your coworkers and swiftly realize you're in "that kind" of relationship. You wonder if you give off some kind of energy that attracts creeps...

The thought of finding a guy who would not only let you take the reins but maybe even prefer you taking charge? It gave you a little thrill you're almost embarrassed to admit.

"Well, it's nothing to get all twisted up over." she shrugs, taking a sip of her iced latte. "You'll find the right guy that's into that kind of thing."

You smiled, she really was trying to encourage you with this, and it was oddly sweet of her.

"Oh, look!" she scooted closer to you, showing you her phone screen. "There's tons of collars you can get. You thinkin' like leather, classic S&M style? Or somethin' more cutesy?"

Maybe a little too encouraging, sometimes.

~ Somewhere very close by...~

His hands were shaking. Your words were playing on repeat in his head, drowning everything else out.

As if you weren't already perfect. He'd been so jealous of you meeting up with your friend, but if it made this conversation happen so he couldn't be too upset about it. He'd been trying to think of some way to make you his for so long... But being yours? Wearing something like that? Something that said he belonged only to you?

He was already yours. But a little proof never hurt.

. . .

It was late, and you decided to cut through the park to get home quicker. It was a pretty safe area, but you didn't want to be here any longer than you had to be. A few lights lit up the main path and you didn't see anyone else around.

But that didn't mean you were alone.

"Hey..."

You spin around to see... some guy. You'd never met him before, but he was... making A LOT of eye contact.

He was cute though. Soft, fluffy hair and piercings in his ears, his bright eyes poking out from beneath his bangs. And he had at least six inches on you, but not really an intimidating frame, a bit skinny too. The way he was looking at you was making you nervous, but you weren't sure if it was a "Oh, this is unexpected." kind of nervous or a "You're gonna end up in his basement." kind of nervous.

"You probably don't remember me but, uh...we had a few classes together last year and…"

He seemed really nervous himself, trailing off with some color in his cheeks. You tell him politely that you were sorry, but you didn't remember him.

"That's okay, uh..."

He was breathing kind of funny, his eyes still staring into yours. You asked him what he needed, hoping it would speed this along and you could leave.

He took a breath, and all you could do was stare, wondering if you should distract him and make a break for it.

"I... I've liked you. For a long time. It's like... like everything about you is just so... wonderful! Seeing you every day keeps me going! I was okay just watching but then... Sorry, sorry. I'm c-coming on too strong, I..."

He took a step towards you, moving like he was going to touch you, but you instinctively took a step back. He looked a little hurt.

"No, no please, don't be scared! I just... I thought it was the right time... I've been thinking about this for so long! I just wanted to..."

He dropped to his knees and the look in his eyes was almost...like he worshipped you. Like you were everything to him and nothing else mattered. It was a bit overwhelming...

"I heard you talking to your friend the other day. Not, uh, not in a weird way, I swear! I-it's just... It's all I can think about..."

He stared at you, a glimmer of something in his eyes. You could see a tremble in his hands, like he was debating reaching out for you again. But he was holding himself back.

Seeing him kneeling, looking up at you with a want that burned into you... It was doing something to you.

This was a weird, kinda scary, unbelievable situation. But it felt so...

Good.

You felt bold. Deciding to go for broke, you finally spoke again.

You asked him to tell you what he wanted.

You could see the tremble shoot through his frame, the smallest, quietest gasp when the your words finally registered.

"I want... I want you to look down at me, just like this! I want you to run your fingers through my hair and tell me I'm a good boy. Your good boy! I want to cuddle up to you and hear your heartbeat while you hold me, I... I want you to use me... I want you to yank my collar if I get too excited and tell me to behave."

He laughed softly at the thought, this guy was completely smitten.

"I want to be yours, if that'll make you happy..."

He reached into his back pocket, you heard the gentle clink of the collar before you saw it. It was like some kind of odd proposal, except he was down on both knees.

He held it up to you, his eyes clouded with a want that made your face feel hot.

So painfully slowly, you reached out for him, your fingers flinching back for a split second, rational thought desperately trying to break through. But despite all the reasons you could think this was completely crazy, you still wanted this.

You touched his cheek, and he didn't hesitate to lean into your hand with a contented, dreamy sigh.

The power he was giving you was... new, exciting, maybe a bit intoxicating. And he was offering it all so willingly, you wondered if this was all a dream.

"I wanna be your good boy..." His voice was soft but pleading, almost desperate. "Please..."

His smile was making your brain feel fuzzy, seeing him looking up at you like you were his whole world.

"Make me yours."

[ramblingautisticman]

After they get together, Wade is instantly pulling away from physical contact. He is wearing the mask more, wearing long sleeved shirts and huge hoodies- even if it's the summer- and the whole thing really confuses the shit out of Logan.

It wasn’t like they had no physical contact before. Wade would wrap an arm around his shoulder when they had finished a mission, he would lean on him while they watched TV. They would end up holding hands while walking the dog and cuddled up to each other half asleep on the couch. Logan thought that when they officially started dating, it would be even worse. Not worse- but more. Honestly, he liked the gentle touches. Logan hadn't had that in so long, hadn't had someone touch him that softly or kindly with no fear on their face, that if felt special. Made him feel good and safe and cared for.

Then, all of a sudden, it stopped. They started dating, and not even two days later, it stopped. No more leaning, no more holding hands or cuddling, nothing. And then the mask started being put on more- even when they had no mission- then it was long sleeved shirts and hoodies. Quickly, Logan became all too familiar in seeing Wade head to toe covered up, even in the dead of summer.

Logan didn't bring it up for a few weeks- thought that maybe Wade just needed some time to adjust- but then a month had passed and they barely touched. He just wanted to hold hands while they walked Mary Puppins again. To feel Wade's head on his shoulder as they watched TV. To wrap his arms around Wade as they slept. To kiss him on the cheek for the first time. That was it.

Logan had his suspicions. It wasn't hard to put the dots together. And so he tried to bring it up. He tried to broach the subject casually, sitting at the table eating breakfast while sat opposite Wade.

"Ya not hot in that big hoodie there?" He asked, hoping that maybe just starting with the hoodie would be a good idea. Would be simpler. "What you on about? It's not even that hot." Wade had lied through his teeth. It was boiling in this apartment- the hottest week of the year- and the air con had broken a good few days ago now. He could see and smell the sweat on him. "Don't lie- Wade- just take the damn hoodie off." But he doesnt- he just makes some joke about how hot Logan is instead while finishing the last of his cereal, then heading over to the couch and pressing play on whatever he had paused.

And it hurts. He wants Wade to trust him with this. To let him help. He wouldn't date Wade if he didn't think he was attractive- both inside and out. Maybe he hasn't been has obvious about that as he should have. Maybe Wade is just feeling insecure. Whatever it is, Logan is going to help.

So he hatches a plan. He sits down one morning while Wade is still asleep, and writes down a list of everything he is going to do to help, and to prove he really does like everything about Wade (he isn't ready to say the big scary 'L' word yet). A plan that would respect Wade's boundaries while still breaking down that barrier that had been built.

Step 1) Start giving Wade his favourite snacks.

This would probably seem stupid to anyone else, but Logan knew Wade. He knew that he only had a few foods and snacks that didn't make him feel nauseous or sick (thanks to the good old cancer he had), so buying snacks for Wade that he knew he could actually stomach seemed like a nice but simple gesture to start with. Make Wade aware that Logan payed attention and remembered these things. He needed to work up to bigger stuff later. Make sure Wade didn't freak out or notice what he was doing.

And that's what he did. He bought Wade a few packs of his favourite chips (or crisps (the writer is british deal with it)) and gave them to him when they were sat on the couch one day. A spontaneous gift. Wade seemed more excited that Logan had remembered what kind and flavour they were than about the actual chips themselves, which was fine with Logan. Completely fine. Seeing Wade so happy at a simple gesture was both joy inducing and kind of sad. Had no one else ever remembered his sensitive stomach? Remembered that he had cancer? Whatever. It didn't really matter, because Logan was going to remeber every little detail he could.

Step 2) was a little harder. It involved a little more thought and care, and a little more risk.

Step 2) was to Get Wade a hoodie that smelt like Logan.

Again, something that seemed normal in any relationship, but he wasn't sure how Wade would react. He hoped that because it was a hoodie, and because Wade was currently wearing a lot of hoodies (the same 2 in rotation), it would be a well appreciated gift. He didn't know if Wade would want to change out of the 2 hoodies he was already comfortable in- he wanted to try though. Plus, having something of his boyfriends would be a good gift. Prove that he wanted people to know Wade was his. That he wasn't ashamed. And maybe he just wanted Wade in his clothes. So he headed to the store.

He got one in the same red as his suit, made sure that it was thin enough to not make Wade actually melt in the heat but thick enough to keep him warm in the cold (if he was still like this when it became cold again, he wanted to make sure he wasn't going to freeze), and proceeded to wear the hoodie around for the next few days. Logan made sure Wade was either out or not watching when he wore it, wanting it to be a surprise.

And eventually, a week later when he deemed it good enough, Logan left it out for Wade with his clothes for after he showered. Wade comes out with the new red hoodie on, and Logan can't help but smile at the other.

This is where Step 3) comes in. Step 3) Compliment Wade as much as possible.

"You look real good in that hoodie." He said, stepping closer to the other. Wade laughs a little, sounding slightly embarrassed, and just shrugs a little. The hoodie is massive on him- Logan's huge muscular build is far bigger than Wade's waisting away skinny body- and it looks like Wade enjoys that, because he is wrapping himself up in it like a blanket. "Smells like you. You're a sneaky guy, aren't you Peanut? Plus, it matches the mask. Very well done." Wade responds with an obvious smirk under said mask. "So you like it? Because you are very, very handsome right now. Also cute." Logan mutters, matching that smirk.

And okay, Wade directs the conversation somewhere else then, but he hasn't taken the hoodie off in a week and Logan takes that as a good sign. He also never combats his compliments. He never responds, but he never directly disagrees, which seems like a second good sign.

Next step it is then. Step 4) Start using pet names.

It's not that he doesn't already, it's just that he doesn't really use the normal relationship pet names. Bub and Mouth is about all he has for Wade right now, and he wants to expand on that. Logan likes using pet names for people he dates- people he likes (loves) in a romantic way- he just hasn't really used any yet. And he wants to change that.

"You want jelly (jam (again, british writer, deal with it)) on your toast sweetheart?" "Baby, do you think Mary needs a new bed? She's chewed half the corner of this one." "Honestly princess, I don't think anyone on this stupid show is even thinking about plot." And Wade seems to like every single one, because every time he says any of them (even if it's not the first time), Logan can hear his heart rate pick up, and he freezes for a moment before going back to the conversation.

And he keeps those three in rotation- the three Wade seem to like and the three Logan thinks fit the best- and Wade never tells him to stop, so he doesn't.

Step 5) is honestly one of his favourites, because Step 5) is calling Wade his boyfriend around other people.

He starts of light. Casually mentioning that they are dating to their friends when the see eachother for the first time in awhile. Then when they are out and about, and he casually mentions that "Oh yeah, just out with my boyfriend" "Yeah, just grocery shopping with my boyfriend" "I've got a date with my very handsome boyfriend after this" and he always makes sure Wade hears him.

He wants Wade to know that he isn't ashamed of people knowing they are together- he actually likes it. Being able to show off his handsome boyfriend to his friends or in public is very much fulfilling Logan's masculine side, and Wade is a blushing mess everytime. He can tell, he doesn't need to see. Wade is stuttering over his words, nodding along with whatever Logan is saying.

It's adorable and Logan wants to see it more often.

After another 2 months of dating, and a good two months or repeating his little 5 steps, Wade seems slightly more comfortable. Logan doesn't push him- doesn't want to break what trust he is building- and he accepts every slight change with gratitude.

Wade slowly gets alittle closer as they sit on the couch. He sometimes rests his leg against Logan when they sleep- and he doesn't seem as afraid to flirt back and forth for awhile now.

And now, he can try Step 6) Talking with Wade.

It's the most terrifying step of the 6. That's where all of this careful build up could shatter beneath his feet and he could ruin everything, have to start all over again. Or, Wade might pull even further away than he had at the beginning. But he knows he has to do it- wants to do it- and so he does. It's worth the risk.

So one night, while Logan and Wade are sat together watching some shitty late night shopping channel, Logan decides to bring it up. Not so casually this time.

"Hey Wade, can I ask you something?" He asks, his voice calm and soft, using the others name to hopefully make it seem a little more important. Wade turns away from the TV, fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie (he only takes it off when it doesn't smell like Logan, and makes him wear it until he does again), a small nod. "Yeah- what's up babycakes? If its to ask if I think you'd be good on Bake Off, I may have bad news Peanut, because I've seen your attempt at making pancakes, and that would not make Paul proud." Wade jokes, his voice having a tiny hint of nervousness too it, and Logan is kind of glad for the joke but less for the nervousness Wade is expressing.

"Nothing bad, I promise- I just...I want you to know that I care for you. Alot. No matter what- and if you aren't comfortable touching and taking your mask or hoodie of that's okay. I-....well...I just want you to also know that I'm okay if you do. If you do want to take them off aswell. I do like how you look- ya know that, right? Like alot. And again, if you aren't comfortable I get it- but I also need you to know that I think your super handsome and hot either way. Sorry...I'm not great with this kind of thing- but I'm trying..." Logan rambles on like an idiot, something he doesn't do often, but he needs Wade to understand. Needs him to know. He isn't sure if it works or not, because for awhile there is a deafening silence filling the room.

Logan starts to panic, because, why was Wade so quiet? And still? Had he overstepped? Had what he dreaded would happen actually happened?

But all of a sudden, he hears quiet sobs. Which makes him freeze. "W-Wade?" He asks, his voice breaking a little. He had made Wade cry. Wade was crying. Shit. Shit. Shitshitshitshit. This wasn't how it was meant to god. He really had fucked up, and he wasn't sure how he was going to fix i-

"I'm sorry." Is all he hears, cutting him away from his thoughts, and his heart breaks even more at that. "Hey- no, why are you sorry baby?" Logan asks quietly, moving alittle closer to Wade. He desperately wants to reach out and wrap his arms around Wade, pulling him close and rub soothing circles on his back, but he doesn't want to make Wade feel worse. He respects Wade's boundaries.

"Because I'm such a fucking mess....I'm ugly and-and I just...you can't really think that- can you? Your so fucking stunning and I'm....and I'm me! I'm covered head to toe in fucking scars and-and they aren't even good looking scars- and....and I just....I'm sorry.. I can't be...be normal.. " and every word is breaking Logan's heart even more. How the hell could Wade think that? Any of it?

Logan like- no- loved every single thing about Wade. His stupid jokes, his rambling, his cute little voice he put on for Mary Puppins, how he always helped any kids that asked for it, his body, his voice, hell- he even loved the nicknames. He loved everything this man did, does and will do. No matter what.

And here Wade was thinking he was ugly- thinking he was some fucking disgusting creature. Logan should apologise to him for failing to do what he set out to do. Failing to prove to Wade he loved him no matter what.

"Wade...listen to me right now. I...I love everything about you. Everything. I love every scar and every blemish because that makes you, you. I think you are the best boyfriend in the multiverse, and I am so fucking happy that you are mine. That you chose me, the worst version of me. I think you are a handsome, sexy, extremley good looking, kind, gentle, crazy, person, and I love it all. And I want to see you baby, I havent seen your face in so long. I want to see your pretty eyes again and that stunning smile- and I want to hold your hand in public, to kiss you on your cheek, to cuddle you at night- I want all of that. So...so please...please- if you want and only if you want....take the mask off- of just the hoodie. Please? Because I promise, I am going to spend the rest of my days proving that everything you think about yourself is wrong. That anything negative is positive." And maybe this is another messy ramble, but Logan doesn't care because he can't let Wade keep thinking like this. He gets having bad days- knows that there will come days in the future where Wade wants to wear the mask and the hoodie for a day, but he can't let him feel like this all the time. He can't. He won't. He refuses.

Logan stares at Wade, patiently waiting for any reaction. Anything at all. And there isn't one for a moment, until Wade is slowly pulling his mask off. As soon as he does, Wade looks at him scared, tears rushing down his face, eyes looking anywhere but Logan.

And it's been so long since he has seen that face- that face he fell inlove with- that he can't help the tears in his own eyes start to rush down his cheek. "Hey...there you are." He whispers, a small smile spreading across his lips. It feels so good to see him. To actually see him.

"H-hey..." Wade whispers back, his voice sounding broken and too quiet, and Logan is determined to fix that. "Can I...can I touch you? Just your cheek or hold your hand? If not that's okay. Take your time. I'll be waiting as long as you need." Logan says softly, waiting for Wade to shut him down- the mask being off already such a huge step, but suddenly he is nodding and Logan is placing a gentle hand on Wade's cheek, gently running his thumb over the scared skin.

In this moment, he can't understand how Wade thinks he looks ugly, because to Logan? To Logan he looked like he was sculpted by the gods themselves. Wade looked like something out of a painting. He looks so stunning that Logan just can't understand.

Wade must see this in his eyes, because Wade quickly looks confused. "You...you really do mean all that.." He says, and Logan nods with a smile on his face. "Of course I do. I love you Wade. Nothing is going to stop that- and...and I hate that you feel this way about yourself because you are the most beautiful person I have ever laid my eyes on...and I'm going to keep my promise. I'm going to prove every word." And this time, Wade looks like he understands. Like he truly believes, and Logan can't help but lean in and softly press their lips together.

This time, Wade doesn't pull away from the touch, instead, he finally leans in.

[reiding-writing]

Hey Red! I really enjoyed all of your writings especially because I am also a sucker for angst and hurt/comfort fic. Anyway, can I request fic about post-prison Spencer x reader (romantic) where the reader is the one who distanced herself from Spencer because after the first time Spencer released from prison, he doesn't want to touch anyone? Bet he'll be so heartbroken and thinking that she's over their relationship. Thank you! Sorry if it's too specific ❤️

distance [ s.r ]

Spencer makes a show of physically distancing himself from his teammates after he returns from prison, and in trying to abide by that boundary you accidentally misread his intentions

WARNINGS: miscommunication, established relationship

pairing: post-prison!spencer x gn!reader

genre: ANGST, hurt/comfort, happy ending

wc: 1.6k

masterlist!!

a/n: gave this one a happy ending as an apology for transgression-

You waited for 84 days to see him again; And yet now he’s stood here in front of you you can’t even bring yourself to speak to him.

He’s thinner than you remember. His cheekbones show more prominently. He has stubble lining his chin. His hair is more unruly. His eyes don’t shine anymore.

Spencer changed in those 84 days, and the second you caught his eyes a hairline fracture formed in your heart.

Gone was the Spencer who would light up at the most insignificant thing. Gone was the Spencer who would look at you with those sweet innocent eyes that would make you weak at the knees. Gone was the Spencer who would link his pinky finger in yours so that he could anchor himself to you no matter where you were.

Gone was the Spencer you knew.

Your Spencer didn’t exist anymore.

You watched as he swerved a hug from Morgan as he entered the office, clasping both of his hands behind his back with an awkward smile as he walked through the bullpen towards you were standing in front of his desk, eerily resembling the 23 year old Spencer who avoided everyone like they had the plague.

“Hey Spence…” Your voice is a lot more breathless than you thought it’d be, only amplified as you look into those gorgeous hazel eyes that you’d dreamed about being able to look into again for the past three months. “..How are you?”

It’s a completely unnecessary question Spencer thinks, it makes it sound like you’re just his co-worker and not the love of his life.

“I’m alright…” His eyebrows twitch when you take a few steps away from his desk as he nears you, like you can’t bear to be too close.

Then again, he probably looks like hell, so he can’t entirely blame you.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

“That’s good,” You press your lips into a line, nodding softly with your eyes flickering everywhere except his face. He’d been gone for 84 days, but you were treating him like you’d never met.

“I’m gonna go make some coffee-” You point lamely towards the kitchenette with your thumb, sliding past him to walk towards it as he watched you leave, eyes burning into the back of your head.

It was a weird feeling to say the least. You were ecstatic that he was home, that you could finally see his beautiful face again and know that he wasn’t suffering in a prison cell. But you weren’t sure how to express that. Whether you should express that.

You fumble with the coffee machine as you lose yourself in your thoughts. Everything about Spencer’s body language when he entered the office told you he wanted space, and you wanted to respect that.

You understood that he’d definitely been through a lot over the past few months and that he wanted time to collect himself before he let anybody else back in; But the way he looked at you when you moved away from him made you unsure. Did he want to be left alone? Did he actually want you to suffocate him with a hug like you were originally planning on doing?

You weren’t sure. And that was the worst part, because depending on which option you chose you could unintentionally swerve things into being worse than they already were.

You chose the safe option. Let him come to you. Leave him be and allow him to choose what he wanted.

He didn’t approach you for a few days, and you figured that meant your decision was correct, that he truly did just want some space to gain his bearings again and allow himself the downtime to focus on himself before anyone else.

You were wrong.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Spencer caught you right as you left the office, stood in the middle of the hallway leading to the elevator with an exhausted expression on your face after working for almost 10 straight hours.

You do nothing more than blink in his direction at his question, exhaustion morphing into confusion once your eyes catch him expression.

You could see his own tiredness echoed through the bags forming under his eyes and the way his shoulders slumped at his sides, but you could also see a flicker of hurt floating around in his gaze, seemingly amplified under the white florescents as if to torture you.

“I’m- not avoiding you Spencer,”

“Yes you are.” His tone is rigid, a stark difference from the soft and whispered tone you’d grown used to with him. It felt like having a bucket of ice water poured over your head, and as if to physically acknowledge that feeling, a shudder ran its way up your spine and into the base of your skull. “Every time I’m within ten feet of you, you make an excuse to leave.”

You can’t really argue with him there. You had been keeping your distance. But only because you thought that’s what Spencer wanted.

“Do you not love me anymore? Is that it? Am I too broken for you now?”

“What- No-” Your confusion turns into shock at his accusations, and you immediately shake your head in denial.

“Then why are you treating me like a stranger you’ve never met?” His tone borders between angry and upset, and you can see the start of tears forming in his eyes as he stares at you like you’d just ripped up a first-edition copy of his favourite book.

“I waited for the day i’d finally be able to see you again and now you’re acting like I never existed in your mind at all.” You can hear the strain in his voice as he tries to stop it from cracking under his emotions.

“Spence-”

“Have you moved on? You found someone better for you right?”

“Spencer-”

“I hope he makes you happy-”

He barely has time to get out the last sentence as you give a sharp tug on his tie and pull his face down to yours, effectively silencing all of his insecurities with a kiss. It’s soft but firm, and slightly salty. He must’ve started crying.

“I love you Spencer.” Your words hold no room for debate as your lips part from his, connection maintained through the way your foreheads press together.

“But you- Why did you- I thought…” His mind seems to run a thousand miles a minute as he stares at you, finally close enough to see the details of your face that nobody else had the privilege to know. “I thought you didn’t love me anymore…”

“Spence…” You shake your head as it rests against his, a firm denial of his doubt in your complete and utter adoration of him.

“But you kept moving away from me whenever i’d try to come over to you,” He speaks through stuttered breaths, his eyes squeezed shut to hopefully stop the tears that assault his cheeks, running hot down his skin and pooling underneath the curve of his chin.

“I just thought you wanted space baby,” Your thumbs move deftly over his cheeks, wiping away the streaks of tears and taking Spencer’s insecurity with them. “I saw you dodging everyone’s advances and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,”

“I don’t want space from you,” When he opens his eyes again, they’re big, round, and still glistening with the moisture of his tears. But most of all they’re filled with nothing but pure affection for you. “I never want space from you…”

You sure that if you keep eye contact with him for much longer that you’ll start crying yourself, so you redirect his head to lie against your shoulder as you wrap your arms tight around his torso.

“I missed you…” His voice is so quiet that if you weren’t holding him in your arms you wouldn’t have heard it.

“I missed you too Spence,” Your head rests against his, you hand rubbing soft lines up and down his spine over his shirt as he soaks in all the affection he’s missed over the last three months.

“Can I stay at yours tonight? Please?” His gaze is enough of a ‘please’ in itself, but the way his voice drops to almost a whisper when he adds the plea onto the end of his question makes it impossible for you to deny him. Although it’s not like you were going to in the first place.

“Of course you can Spence,” You place a kiss to his left temple as you carefully break the hug, taking his hand in yours to lead him to the elevator. “Lets go home,”

[suiana]

(yandere! fan x gn! idol reader) (cw: murder, stalking, slight nsfw, yandere stuff)

Yoon-Jae likes to think of himself as your biggest fan.

He buys all your albums, attends all your fan-meets, hell, he even buys all your merch! He just wants to support his favourite idol after all.

You deserve it. Really.

He still remembers how you used to be laughed at by the other students for being a nerd.

You, his old high school classmate, the one he's always pined after even when you were a cute geeky nerd that got teased on a daily basis. Those were good times, he thinks. Before your rise to stardom and exposure to the rest of the world. When times were simpler and you were just someone he had a huge crush on because you were so his type. You two didn't even talk to one another but he had already decided that you were his crush. His first and only crush.

Yoon-Jae still finds it hard to believe that time has already passed by just like that. It's been a good couple of years since you two were in the same class, he still can't believe it. Cute, nerdy, and a little bit of a loser. Sure he knows he's popular and attractive, but opposites attract don't they?

He remembers it like yesterday, to when he first decided to act on his growing feelings for you.

It started out with small things. Following you around in public, being your own personal paparazzi. A little click here and there never hurt anyone. Not when you were so beautifully going about doing your things. His breath always hitches whenever he brings his camera up to his shaky blue eyes to snap another picture of you. The perfect you.

It was like you were made for the spotlight. Made for the cameras. I mean, how could you not be? You're perfect. Everything about you is like a blessing from the god's above. Your smiles, your laughter, the way your face would flush a little from laughing too much... Everything about you needed to be framed in a mueseum. Truly a work of art.

Click, Click, Click.

His camera fired away at everything you did. Even the most mundane of things. The tall Korean man estimates he probably had taken about 5000 pictures of you on a day to day basis back when you both were still students. If you ask his present self how many pictures he takes on a daily basis now it would probably be 2 or 3 times more than what he used to take.

In any case, he finds it a little cute how you were completely oblivious to his photo-taking. How you went around your day-to-day life while remaining blissfully unaware of the photos he shot of you.

Then things got a bit worse.

He thought it wasn't enough to just follow you around outside. No, he needed a glimpse into your private life, the one you kept behind closed doors. Yoon-Jae thought it would help him learn more about you.

And it did. It helped him to learn more about your character. About the person that hid behind a pair of thick round glasses and a nervous stutter when around others in class. The person he saw through a rose-eyed lens.

It was as though he got a glimpse into your soul.

So of course he had to continue breaking into your house to see you in your private space. Of course he had to install cameras in your room to observe how you acted when no one else was around. Of course he had to watch you 24/7. Of course he had to.

It was cute seeing you dance and sing around like some famous idol. Your voice was always so soothing that he'd fall asleep while watching you. This was something he never thought the cute little nerd in his class would enjoy doing. But if it makes you happy he'll be more than happy to support it. You were already an idol in his eyes anyway. It's even better if you wanted to act like a real one.

To be honest, he had secretly hoped you'd notice him. He finds it arousing to say the least. To be caught doing such an intimate thing with his beloved muse... It sends his heart racing, sweat rolling down the sides of his pale forehead as his member strains painfully against his sweatpants.

But you never did and he can't tell whether it's a blessing or a curse that you were so oblivious. No matter, the dark haired man can wait. He's always been patient after all. It's something his mom praised him for since he was young.

The more he learned about you, the more Yoon-Jae couldn't help but be a little peeved that you were still being bullied. He couldn't understand why such a sweet thing like yourself would get teased and called names for liking things so passionately. It's cute. So very adoravle. And he absolutely hated it that others would make fun of you for it. He hated it.

So he decided to get rid of them. What is the point of their lives if they couldn't appreciate the perfection that you are? They are the scum of the earth. Vermin who didn't deserve to live.

His usually neat and tidy appearance was a mess by the time he was done getting rid of the first person. He still regrets wear his favourite white shirt to get rid of all these pests. Their filth got all over him after all, blood and tears staining his pristine clothes.

Yoon-Jae remembers his mother horrified expression as she immediately clutched his arms, asking if he was hurt. He had to repeatedly reassure her that he was fine and just doing it for you. Her face immediately relaxed after that.

"You found your other half then? Are they like your father?"

"Mom it's not-"

"You should bring them back soon. I want to meet my son's beloved! I've been waiting for this day for so long!"

The Korean guy was so confused by his mother's words. Love? He never saw what he was doing as love. He thought it was just... doing what he should do. You're perfect so he should devote himself to you. That's how things are, no?

He started questioning himself after that. Did he... love you? Really? I mean, yeah, he did have a crush but it couldn't be love, could it? Love is a really strong word... He thinks he's just giving you the attention and affection you deserve.

In the midst of getting rid of his final victim, he decided to spill his heart out to them.

"I just... I don't know whether I really love them, you know? Like... I'm doing all this but... It's more like, I want them to be safe and protected from all the bad people. And yeah, maybe I wanna get with them too but that's not very important, is it?"

"U-uh..."

His soft black locks stick to his sweaty forehead, his chest heaving slightly as he continues talking about his feelings to the half dead person. Maybe they'll give him some enlightenment? I mean, they decided to harm you... They should at least give him some advice, no?

"Hey, what do you think? Since you decided to make fun of them you probably know right?"

"I-I don't know-"

"What was that?"

"I meant you probably love them! P-Please don't kill me!"

And just like that, it was like a switch was flipped in his brain.

He made quick work of the person... Well, at least they were useful in the end. He supposes they're not totally good for nothing.

Yoon-Jae decides to confess to you the next day. He brings in flowers and sprays his special cologne. He's positive that you'll reject him today, but he doesn't care. He'll just continue to confess until you finally give in and love him back. You're bound to fall for him one day or another.

Sadly, his luck completely failed him that day and you weren't anywhere in sight. At all.

He spent the whole day asking about your whereabouts, fretting over your well-being as his minds spirals into a states of paranoia. Were you kidnapped? Did someone hurt you? Sick? Where the hell were you?!

And that's when he heard it. You got scouted by an entertainment company and moved to a school closer to your agency.

An idol. You were going to become an idol.

It was as though his heart had stopped and his whole world was flipped upside down. Oh.

Oh.

The realization that you were actually going to stand on a grand stage with hundreds of thousands of eyes on you finally settled in and his heart couldn't help but swell with pride. His idol, his beloved idol. The one he loved and would protect to death. Yoon-Jae couldn't help but feel satisfied knowing that some person finally realized your potential. Took them long enough, he mumbles while walking back home with the bouquet of flowers.

Was he sad that he couldn't confess to you? Sure, yeah he was. He's not going to deny it or lie. It really fucking hurt when you weren't there to witness his confession. But the fact that you had actually gone to become an idol... That made everything all better.

He'd finally be able to worship and love you like you were meant to be worshipped. An idol. His idol. He'd be able to prattle and gush about you without receiving any weird looks. Everyone else will be doing the same thing anyway. They can't and won't be able to judge him. In fact, they'd be understanding of why he's so obsessive over you. You're perfect, he repeats. Such perfection is worth losing his mind over. He's sure everyone would agree.

He can't help but grin in excitement as he anticipates your debut. A cute concept? A sexy concept? Both? He thinks that you'd suit everything.

When you finally debuted he feels like he could die at that second. You, in all your glory, was standing in the middle of a stage. A soloist. The sole star of the show. He's glad your agency hadn't put you in a group. He'd feel bad for your other members, already knowing that you'd outshine them all. It's not even up for debate.

It's no surprise that Yoon-Jae's the first to buy all your merchandise. The first one to book tickets to all your shows and fan meets. He's in the front row screaming your name with his heart, blue eyes all wide and cheeks flushed as he publicly displays his devotion for you.

You don't notice him at first, but as time goes by and he continues to support you, he's become a familiar face amongst your ever growing crowd. Yoon-Jae. You hadn't realized that the popular guy in your old class had liked your music so earnestly. Maybe it was a safe haven from the horrible deaths back in your old school. You believed your music to be comforting after all.

His slender hands intertwine with yours as he appears at your fan meet for the nth time. He comes bearing more gifts than before, way too excited to chat to you one-on-one again.

"Darling, darling! You look amazing like usual! I bought this expensive cartier necklace for you today. Do you want me to put it on for you?"

"Haha, of course. You're my sweetest fan! Come put it on for me?"

The lines between idol and fan slowly start to blur to him. Yoon-Jae thinks that you truly mean what you say whereas you were just doing what an idol does. Fan-service.

But Yoon-Jae doesn't care about that. Why would he? You're his other half. He even got his mother to watch your content with him. She says she's eager to meet her son's future spouse. His father is a little bit more reserved, always hiding in his room and reading quietly, not wanting to talk to him. Whatever, he'll meet you one on one when the time comes. And you'll be his when the time comes. Though he loves you as an idol, he loves you as his lover more. The tall black haired guy is already counting down the days to when your contract ends.

For now, he'll continue supporting you as your biggest fan. He always will be your biggest fan even after your career too. You're an idol in his eyes through and through and nothing will change that.

Nothing will ever change that.

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Sunrise

soldier!san x soldier!reader

military dilf/milf agents working in the special forces au

word count: ~29k

genres and warnings: mostly angst, sometimes fluffy, smut (mdni), violence warnings, past trauma, blood and weapons, basically its war but san makes it better <3

synopsis: you and san are majors in the special forces, having trained together after your sector was occupied. you both work as partners in your team now, surviving through hell together and having each other's back. you think the idea of romance while being in the military is stupid for a number of reasons, but san thinks otherwise and decides to prove his point, making you question your beliefs.

manager-nim: @eightmakesonebraincell (we talked about ateez as military dilfs and this happened LOL)

“I’ve had enough of grown men acting like children,” you muttered to yourself, trying to find the scissors in the box of instruments, shuffling them loudly and not realising you were holding your breath until the patient in front of you helped by picking the scissors right out as if they had been right there the entire time time. 

“What was that?”

You glared at the grown man you had referred to now having heard your complaint, a faint smirk crawling on his lips as if taunting you- and perhaps, he was. You were acting like a child too. You were feeling like a child ready to burst at him.

You said nothing, only cut the gauze and secured it around the wound you had just stitched. His eyes continued to bore holes into you and you continued to ignore it as you took the ointment and a cotton swab, applying it gently on his grazed cheekbone. 

“You’re clenching your jaw a bit too hard right now, Major Seo. You don’t want to end up being unable to sleep because your jaw hurts… again.”

Referring to the time you hurt your jaw- the only time you lost your footing even in your own memory. It made it on your Top Embarrassing Moments list, and he was a part of every item on that list. And the fact that your squad wouldn’t let you live it down made it worse. After all, you had lost your footing and bumped into a shelf because Major Choi caught your eye when he was taking off his jacket.

Major Choi San. Your squad member but probably your worst enemy too. 

“At least I didn’t cut my arm trying to run after a cat, Major Choi.”

“The cat might have stepped on a landmine-”

“The cats are not that dumb,” you put a bandage on his cheekbone and intentionally pressed it harder than you had to, making sure this jab hurt with the one you had made verbally- referring to the time he almost stepped on a landmine after drinking. He had been grounded for weeks after and you had enjoyed every bit of peace that followed. “We literally have a mission in two days, Major.”

“Ah, don’t tell me you care,” Major Choi scoffed out loud and you couldn’t help but glance around you, noticing very well how the other nurses were eyeing the two of you while they treated their patients. You understood them but at the same time, you didn’t. You understood that most of them found him intimidating and for all the right reasons. You didn’t (though that was questionable too) because you two had trained together since the very beginning. 

So, why did Major Choi refuse to be treated by anyone else other than you? Was it simply to get on your nerves? In that case, he should know he was already doing a good enough job. Or was it because you two were the only ones who were still here, still alive, after spending almost a decade on the field together? Or maybe it was because of that one time you both shared a traumatic experience-

You didn’t care enough, you told yourself. 

“Of course I care,” you began, wrapping up the sprawled instruments on the trolley. “I will have to do twice the amount of work without you. And my risk of dying increases by a solid 14 percent. Of course I’d rather have you on the team.”

Major Choi rolled his eyes, getting up and wearing his jacket again, watching you close the medical kits and roll the trolley to a corner, shaking his head in amusement when you flipped a finger at him and went ahead to report him. He followed right behind you, wondering how to bait you into not reporting to their leader at all.

“Major Seo,” he called but you ignored him, knowing that ‘pleading’ tone very well. “Major Seo… Pretty.”

You rolled your eyes so hard you felt a sharp pain go through your skull. He was always making something up with your last name ‘Seo’, adding adjectives so he could call you something like ‘so angry’ or ‘so bossy’. You hated it and it had been a mistake to react to it in the beginning because he never let it go again.

“Say something like that again and you’ll have me presenting an exaggerated report. You won’t be seeing sunlight for a while, Major.”

“So feisty,” he shook his head and you stopped, turning to glare at him and he realised then, shaking his head furiously. “I didn’t mean it like that. Promise.”

You sighed, tuning out his rambling and knocking at the squad leader’s door. When you heard the familiar clearing of his throat as an answer, you stepped inside and the two of you saluted in synchronisation until the man nodded.

“Sergeant Kim, reporting to you from Squad 8,” you called and the sergeant scoffed.

“Major Choi got in trouble again?”

“Yes, Sergeant,” Major Choi decided to speak for himself. “I was… saving a cat from a landmine.”

“How many times have I told you to leave the cats alone, Major?”

“17 times as of now, Sergeant!” Major Choi saluted and you stifled a smile. The Sergeant asked you to report the damage and you did- it wasn’t too bad but if you had to go on the mission tomorrow instead of the day after like planned, he wouldn’t be able to join.

“If we have to go to the field tomorrow,” Sergeant Kim concluded, “You’ll stay back.”

“But, Sergeant-”

“And we better have clean rooms and a fresh meal when we get back,” Sergeant Kim glared at him. “If we go the day after… then you can join.”

You felt the Major shift from one foot to another and were reminded of the boy he used to be- when he was still Choi San and not Major Choi- suddenly feeling nostalgic. Some habits never changed. The Major cleared his throat and saluted in answer and you followed, leaving to go back to your rooms. 

You both walked in silence as you approached the dorms and just as you were about to part ways, you heard Major Choi clear his throat and you spared a glance.

“I won’t be staying back, even if we have to go tomorrow,” his gaze was steel. “You, of all people, should know that.”

“I don’t want to risk bringing an injured squad member who could be a liability to the rest of us. You know that.”

The Major stifled a groan but before he could insist, you continued. “Do you remember the last time we took an injured member with us?”

His eyes flashed. “This is only a cut to my arm. It’s not something that will affect our mission.”

“Your aim could be affected. Whatever, there’s no point arguing with you,” you groaned, tired and ready to hit the bed and knock yourself out. “You’ll stay behind if we’re going tomorrow, end of the discussion.”

“We’ll see,” he said and you knew he meant that there was no way he wouldn’t join. You hoped Sergeant Kim, at least, wouldn’t give in to him tomorrow. You really could not lose another squad member just because they insisted on joining despite being injured, no matter how small the injury might be. 

So you did the only thing you could do- pray you wouldn’t have to go to the field tomorrow. But you knew that as a Major in the Special Forces, you always had to expect the worst. You did not have the luxury of hoping for a miracle. All you could do was pray and ignore the gnawing feeling in your gut which was answer enough.

And it was not like your prayers were answered because as you woke up at the crack of dawn, you noticed that it wasn’t as noisy as it used to be. Already knowing what was ahead, you wore your black and grey uniform and got ready, taking a few deep breaths in the room before straightening and stepping outside.

It was awfully empty too- none of the others from your squad or other squads exiting their rooms with puffy eyes or tired figures. When you heard the sound of a door opening, you turned to see your own squad member, Major Yu, looking as confused as you.

“Where are the others?” She asked.

“Exactly what I’m wondering,” you frowned. “Did they perhaps dispatch Squad 6 last night?”

“Not when I was awake,” she wiped the sleep from her eyes. “Let’s go. We might have to prepare for the mission today, it seems.”

With a sinking heart, you both decided to go to the Sergeant’s office first and just as you had thought, the mission had taken an unexpected turn last night. The secret operation the other squads had been on for the past few days had been discovered and Squad 6 had been dispatched to help them, but they needed to change shifts now. 

“It’s getting uglier- the enemy won’t let them go so easily,” Sergeant Kim said. “We’re carrying out our operation in 3 hours from now, so prepare for it. Make no mistakes- but first… eat breakfast. I don’t want any of you looking pale because you didn’t eat.”

Major Yu smiled at that and the two of you saluted, about to exit when you turned. “Major Choi San insists on joining the operation.”

“He’s ready to go,” the Sergeant shook his head and you gaped at him. “He got up quite early today. As if he knew.”

Indeed, you spotted him in the cafeteria gulping down his breakfast as if he was short on time when he looked as prepared as one could be, dressed in his gear and loaded with weapons. You rolled your eyes, taking your tray of food to sit at the table next to him.

“All this effort. Did you change your bandages?”

The Major stopped in the middle of stuffing his face with rice. “Uh… I thought I had to change it later?”

“You’re going to the field, you fool,” you couldn’t believe it. “What are you gonna do, ask me to change your bandage when we’re getting fired at from every direction?”

“Oh, but you’d do that for me, won’t you?” He teased and you pretended to throw up, Major Yu laughing at the two of you as she joined you. “Don’t worry. We can get the bandage changed now. I’ll undress for you-”

“And, there he is,” Major Yu sighed. “I really wonder what you’ve got against this poor girl, Major Choi. You should go to the medical ward- we have to prepare too.”

“Then the bandages can wait-”

“Ugh, okay, I’ll change them for you, we don’t want them infected,” you muttered, already feeling done for the day. He always had to be so stubborn. You simply did not have the time to entertain him. You had things to do- but first, you would change his bandages so he could get off your back and let you prepare in peace.

You had to admit- you were slightly amused to see him struggle unloading himself and taking off all the complicated belts and ropes before finally being able to take off his shirt so you could inspect his upper arm. You shook your head. “That’s what you get for being over-efficient. You could have waited until I woke up, but no. You had to be present before any of your squad members.”

“I knew you were not going to let me go, so I did what I had to.”

Even though working in the Special Forces had turned your heart to rock, it still fluttered whenever the man in front of you looked at you funny or said something like this. However, your face didn’t reveal any of it and you prayed he wasn’t observant enough to notice. 

“Well, I can’t stop you now,” you sighed in relief to see he was healing up well. “Be careful not to rip your stitches. I’ll be carrying a kit so if you feel like something is wrong, you need to tell me before it gets worse, okay?”

“Yes, boss.”

“And stop being so casual with me,” you glared at him before taping a new bandage to his arm and securing it well this time. 

“I literally called you ‘boss’,” Major Choi chuckled to himself. You poked your tongue in your cheek as you glared at him- or tried to, but his eyes curving when he laughed always put a smile on your own face. He noticed that and said, “You’re allowed to smile.”

“Whatever,” you chuckled. “Be careful out there, okay? We’re marching to Sector 1. It cannot get any more dangerous than that.”

“I know,” his tone grew grim and you knew you were both recalling the life-threatening situation you faced the last time you were there- about two years ago. “You’ll have my back, won’t you?”

“And you’ll have mine,” you said and he nodded. “Let’s all come back alive, okay?”

It was always like this between you two- especially after that incident a couple years ago. You two may tease each other to death and be out for each other like enemies but you trusted each other the most out of anyone else. Time and time again, you both proved what being a team meant. The Major got up and opened his mouth as if to say something but shook his head instead, and you resisted the urge to ask him to finish his thought, instead saying you’ll join him in the office after getting ready and went to prepare for the operation in your room.

It was a mechanical process now- gearing up in your uniform which was so black you would become one with the shadows, docking up on layers and ropes and packing your bag with all the necessities- a medical kit, some food rations, water, your radio and all the necessary equipment. Lastly, you hid weapons everywhere on yourself where you could, the only visible ones the guns around your belt and a sniper hanging by your shoulder.

You went to the office and found Major Kang and Major Choi Jongho already present, chatting with Major Yu. Your squad- and naturally, the rest started referring to Major Choi Jongho as ‘Major CJ’ which started as a joke first until it wasn’t anymore. You settled down near them and said hello, joining in the conversation- Major Yu detailing the events of the morning to them.

“So I genuinely thought someone had died, or worse, because it hasn’t been this silent around here since the time Major Han said she found Sergeant Kim attractive out loud,” Major Yu said and Major Kang burst into his trademark giggle that made everyone around him laugh. “So I found her looking as confused as me and she had that funny look on her face- you know the one she makes when she either has no idea what’s going on or when Major Choi says something weird-”

You rolled your eyes. Major Yu had to be the most laid back person in your squad and sometimes you wished she wasn’t so observant. “Whatever Major Choi does doesn’t affect me.”

“He literally makes you almost cry, but okay, we can pretend we don’t see that,” Major CJ said and the others grinned at you giving them the side-eye. 

“Where’s he now, anyway?” You wondered. “He was up and ready so early that I’m wondering if he went to bed like that-”

“And of course you wonder how I go to bed,” Major Choi said, entering the room and having heard the last part, making you wonder how he always managed to appear at the worst possible timing. “I had to do what I had to.”

“Still, I think it’s too much,” Major Kang shook his head. “We don’t take injured people to the field. You know the rules.”

“But this mission requires my presence- everyone’s presence. We’re all going in, whether you guys like it or not.”

“Alright,” you shrugged. “If you become a liability, we’ll leave you on the field and return. At least my nurse duties will decrease by half.”

“And I’d have the room to myself!” Major Kang cheered and Major CJ grinned. Major Choi, however, was sulking deeper with every passing minute and Major Yu poked his elbow right where you had stitched it, making him scowl and you wondered if she did it on purpose. 

“Ay, you know we wouldn’t do that to you,” she assured him. “But you have to admit, the thought of having one less person to write reports about is very tempting to me-”

“Please,” Major Choi groaned out loud and you silently laughed, knowing they were all trying to raise his spirits before the mission because he was the type to get very serious before going to the field.

A few moments later, Sergeant Kim and Major Han arrived in the office and all of you got up and saluted your leader before he settled down with you, now forming a little circle so he could look all of you in the eyes as he instructed you and shared the details. 

“I’m happy to see all of you present and healthy,” Sergeant Kim glared at Major Choi who pretended to be interested in the very boring ceiling all of a sudden. “We’re leaving in exactly 30 minutes from now and we will be on standby at the border of Sector 1 before we go in to extract Squad 7. Squad 5 will take care of Squad 6 so if you come across anyone from Squad 6, you will take them with you but alert 5 before you take another step, is that understood?”

“Yes, Sir!” Everyone said in unison.

“Just like always, we’re splitting into teams- I’m leading with Delta and Sierra as Team 1,” Sergeant Kim referred to Major Kang and Major Yu who straightened and nodded. “Fox and Victor as Team 3, Charlie and Echo as Team 2.”

You being Echo and Charlie being Major Choi- you met eyes for a moment before nodding. Sergeant Kim continued, “If the two of you require assistance, you will call either Fox or Victor,” he referred to Major Han and Major CJ. “And if they cannot join you, then Delta or Sierra will. You’re at the heart of the operation, though, so be careful, okay?”

“Okay,” Major Choi’s grip on his rifle tightened- something that went unobserved by most but then again, you were familiar with every movement of his body. 

“And lastly,” Sergeant Kim sighed- you all knew how much he hated delivering the final instruction which was- “If any of you is indisposed, you all know the rules. Our first priority is making sure the mission succeeds- and this time, it’s to extract Squad 7 who hold important data with them. Help will come later, till then… you’ll be on your own. May the fates be with you.”

A collective sigh went through the room- it wasn’t because of the fear of being indisposed, but the fear someone else would be and you would have to leave them behind. That was the hardest part. Sergeant Kim got up. “You are allowed to request backup, remember that. I will be back in 30- check each other’s gears.”

The half an hour passed by in a flurry of light jokes, assuring taps, fixing some part of the gear and then waiting until Sergeant Kim arrived in gear and the seven of you proceeded to move to the basement where three cars waited for you with additional soldiers. You and Major Choi got inside your car and travelled in silence for the rest of the way, watching the expanse of barren fields until you reached the border of Sector 1. You leaned a bit to see the silhouette of buildings that were at the heart of Sector 1- a city that had once bloomed with life, now dead and infiltrated with terrorists. 

The city that had once been your home- and Major Choi’s, who was also staring into the distance with glazed eyes.

You proceeded to turn on the radio setup and connect it with the rest of the teams while Major Choi lazily cleaned his guns, sighing deeply in between. Once you were done testing your radios, you relaxed back and he finally spoke.

“Do you think we would have come across each other if Eden hadn’t attacked our home?”

You blinked at the sudden and personal question- another unusual thing from Major Choi today- you didn’t like being personal during a mission and he knew it. But the way you both had been stealing glances at what was once your home, you supposed curiosity got the better of him.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “Maybe? At some point of our life? Sector 1 isn’t too big.”

“I sometimes wonder if we were fated to meet each other,” he mused. “From being homeless to finding a place in the army- we have been together for a while, haven’t we?”

You pursed your lips- it still stung whenever you recalled the dark times. “Do you sometimes wonder what it would have been like if we didn’t make it in the army?”

“All the time,” he admitted, sounding grim. “But we… We kept each other in check. We still do.”  You smiled at that and he joined, whispering, “We’ve kept each other alive.”

“Or maybe you have been stupid enough to not let me die- not without you,” you pointed out. “I still wonder what went through your head that one time you disobeyed all orders, risked your title and stayed back for me when I was indisposed.”

“But you did the same for me so many times,” he cocked his head. “You’ve risked your life for me more times than I can count.”

“We do that for everyone in our team,” you reminded him, though you knew he saw right through you. “We disobey orders all the time. I’m surprised they haven’t shuffled us around yet. Also, can you stop being sentimental right before a life-threatening mission?” You couldn’t help it and you both laughed. “There’s a time for everything, Major Choi San.”

He raised a brow at the way you called his name and you looked away- you could never meet his gaze long enough. Luckily, the radio sounded with your leader’s voice instructing you all to get out and walk on foot to the base in Sector 1 with your designated members and routes. You bumped fists with Major Choi before securing each other’s helmets, getting off the car and following the familiar barren road to the outskirts of the town, careful to avoid eyes but glad it was very hazy today.

The two of you walked in sync until you reached the abandoned hospital which was your station. You took the lead, he provided cover and you entered the building, inspecting it thoroughly as you made way to the 4th floor and took out the binoculars to monitor any sort of activity and help Sergeant Kim’s team get to the heart of the city. A few hours passed like that, mostly in silence, occasional comments or instructions passed through the radio, and you almost, almost relaxed until a loud blast shook you to the core, making you both instinctively duck down and cover each other, trying not to lose your footing as the ground beneath your feet rumbled.

A whistle rang in your ear and you took a few deep breaths- it wasn’t the first time you experienced a blast up close but it always made your heart sink in the worst possible way. You felt Major Choi squeezing your shoulder- you were alright. He was alright. You motioned okay at him and he peeked up from the window to inspect the damage and you followed after a moment. The six-story building that had been two streets away from you was now turning into rubble. 

“That is Squad 6’s station,” you said. “Squad 7 might have been in there. We should move.”

Major Choi nodded and spoke on his radio. “Alpha- you heard that?”

“Loud and clear,” Sergeant Kim’s voice sounded grim. “Do not move right now. You’re the closest- you might meet trouble on the way. Wait for my instruction.”

“Copy that,” he replied and you both decided to move up another floor and see if you could spot the enemy somewhere. You did- a couple of men in cloaks leaving from the West Exit and you alerted Team 3 who went to inspect as per your instructions.

“We have about 20 minutes until it gets dark, and then you can inspect the damage to Squad 6’s station while on your way to the enemy’s base,” Sergeant Kim ordered. “We have retrieved two of Squad 7’s members. Team 3?”

“We have retrieved three of Squad 6’s members,” Major CJ reported. “That leaves one member from each team- Squad 6 here says they were last seen near the enemy base.”

“Team 2 will take care of it then,” the Sergeant concluded. “Meet me at the North Exit, Victor and Fox. We’ll take care of the enemy there.”

“Copy that,” the rest of you reported and you prayed silently that everyone would make it back alive. Meanwhile, Major Choi offered you a sandwich from his bag and you ate it while you kept watch, thankful that your station still hadn’t been exposed to the enemy.

As soon as the sun set, you put on your night vision goggles and started following Major Choi out, hands gripping the rifle. You both trod like cats- silent and alert. You reached the rubble of what was once Squad 6’s base in a few minutes and searched for any signs of life but found none. 

“They must be around the enemy base somewhere then,” you said. “Let’s follow their last location.”

Your partner agreed and you both walked in silence yet again, hiding behind walls and rubble until you could spot the enemy base in your vision, noticing a few men walking around it, probably on guard duty. 

“What if they’re held hostage?” You asked.

“Our mission is to extract them wherever they are,” Major Choi reminded. “We can request backup.”

“Let’s inspect the area first and then create a distraction before we move inside,” you suggested and he agreed.

All your senses felt heightened as you parted ways- mostly because you felt a bit defenceless that he wasn’t providing cover like he usually did. All you could think about was remaining alert and not missing anything, and you counted seconds until you spotted the Major again and joined him, containing in your sigh of relief because the mission wasn’t over yet.

“Request backup?” You asked.

“I’ll ask them to meet us right here after we’re done extracting the agents,” he said and you nodded, watching him speak into his radio while you tightened your gloves, buzzing with eagerness to get this mission done and over with. The two of you went through interconnected buildings and doorways until you stood outside a door in the basement of one of the buildings that connected inside the enemy base- some path they probably hadn’t learned about, if you were lucky, since they had quite recently changed bases. You were about to break the door when the Major grabbed your wrist-

Quite gently, you noticed.

“If things go south, you know what to do, right?”

You scoffed. “Who are we kidding, Major? We were never ones to obey orders- at least not from each other.”

Major Choi groaned loudly, almost in amusement. “If things go south, you will call for an immediate backup request, not wait for me and make your way out, is that clear?”

You did not like being talked to in that tone so you snatched your wrist and poked his chest with your gloved finger. “The last time I told you this… don’t even get me started.”

You both stared at each other, none of you giving in, his eyes locked on yours- the only thing you could see with the masks and the helmets. Your finger was still poking into his chest and he finally sighed, taking your hand in his and drawing it away. You swallowed the lump in your throat and shook your head. “If things look bleak, let’s not make them worse, okay?”

“Okay,” his voice was laced with amusement and you glared at him.

“I won’t be surprised if we have to change partners soon.”

“I won’t let them,” Major Choi promised. “You’re the only one I trust.”

“What did I tell you about not being sentimental during missions?” You broke the door, grimacing at the loud sounds that rang through the basement. “Let’s move, Charlie.”

“Got you, Echo,” he patted your back and you both stepped into the darkness, wearing your goggles again.

Every sound from that point on caught your attention. You could hear the Major’s breathing so you trained your ears to ignore it and focus on the other sounds. You walked along the path that only got narrower with each step and waited a few moments at the door which was the entrance inside the enemy base, letting the Major do his thing and check for any signs of life with his equipment.

“Empty room,” he whispered. “Go.”

You nodded and began unlocking the door with a set of pins, humming when it clicked in place and you opened the door- or tried to, since it was blocked. Major Choi helped you push it until the gap was big enough for you two to pass through and you carefully stepped inside.

“You remember the layout?” You asked and he nodded. “This must be the only storage room in the basement. Where do you reckon they would keep their hostages?”

“In the basement… in the cells. If not, they’ve defected.”

“Unless-”

“Unless that’s their strategy,” he completed and you nodded, glad your partner was one to follow his instinct and heart instead of the book, which if you were honest simply did not have a few principles right. “Let’s inspect the cells first.”

“You ready?”

Major Choi mirrored your motions- adjusting his guns and fixing the daggers in his sleeves. “Let’s get the party started.”

After that, it was a flash of blood and screams as you both exited the storage room, exterminating any enemy in sight until you reached the cells and found one of your agents inside, a bloody mess himself. You broke his chains and asked his name and when he said his codename ‘Bravo’, you were glad he was in his senses.

“Where’s Agent Oscar?” You asked and he shook his head.

“They might have taken him for questioning- I heard the guards talk.”

You clenched your jaw- this was going to get messier then, especially with the Major already firing at the incoming stream of enemy guards. “You can walk?”

“Yes,” he said and you accompanied him to the storage room, the Major providing cover. You instructed Agent Bravo to follow the path to the exit where backup would arrive in a few minutes, handed him a loaded gun and secured the door after him. You joined the Major who had just finished with a fresh wave of guards.

“They’re onto us. Let’s make it quick. I’ll shell them.”

You nodded and you took the lead this time, taking the stairs and firing at anyone who was unfortunate enough to get in your way and you made your way up another flight after inspecting the rooms on the ground level. Thankfully, you and Major Choi only had minor scratches and grazes right now- nothing that kept you from moving forward.

You took a sharp turn but got pulled back as a bullet passed, missing you by a fraction. You spared a glance at Major Choi who gave you a warning look and you heard what he meant loud and clear- ‘be careful’. Before you could continue, he took the lead and you provided cover, letting him guide you both to the end of the hallway where he turned-

And found himself faced with 5 guns pointed at his head. You were outnumbered.

You paused as well, a couple of guards aiming their own gun at you from the other end. You clicked your tongue twice and your partner understood, raising his hands in surrender and you followed suit- but what the enemy did not know was that you had learned a few magic tricks when you were little. You never thought you’d use them in the military, but here you were, a grenade rolling down the hallway out of nowhere and you clicked your fingers.

Three.

The guards shouted and you rolled another grenade with a tap of your feet, the others wondering where the hell it appeared from when your own hands had been raised as long as the Major’s. 

Two.

Major Choi watched one of the guards point his guns at Agent Oscar who said a silent prayer as he looked up at the ceiling. 

One.

You smirked to yourself, clicking your tongue again. The guards in front of you took cover while the ones in the room shouted at each other, trying to come up with an escape plan now that the grenade was right at their feet but failing.

Zero.

You and Major Choi switched positions in a flash and while he covered you with his body, you shot at the 5 men in a series while the grenade behind you burst. Unfortunately, one of them managed to shoot at you and the bullet landed in your calf though your reaction only lasted a few seconds. You felt the Major’s body shake against yours as rubble fell on the two of you. You ignored the pain burning though your entire body and glanced up, sighing in relief when you saw that Oscar was fine.

“We’re exiting from the window,” Major Choi got up and started planting the hook to the wall and dropped the rope down the building, groaning when he spotted movement outside the building too. He aimed at them with his rifle and got rid of them while you took care of any approaching guards, finding a few moments of peace.

“We’re sliding down first- he can’t walk properly,” Major Choi had noticed Oscar’s mutilated leg. “You’ll follow after I give the signal, okay?”

“Okay,” you breathed heavily.

“You good?” He scanned you, noticing the blood dripping down. You nodded but he made quick work of pulling a piece of cloth from his bag and tying it around your leg, securing the bullet inside, the pain dimming since it wouldn’t jab with every movement you made now. Oscar stood watch in the meanwhile, inquiring about the rest of his squad and you told him they were extracted, which made his eyes fill with life again.

“Let’s move,” Major Choi called Oscar and you went back to covering for them while they escaped through the window. You sighed in relief when your radio sounded to alert you that they had made it to the ground safely but the relief didn’t last long as a bunch of guards came in your vision and you hid.

“Come down, now,” Major Choi called and you took a deep breath, knowing you would have to jump a good distance since you didn’t have enough time to simply slide down the rope all the way down. As if Major Choi had read your thoughts, he was there to cushion your jump and the three of you disappeared inside the alleyway, trying to navigate back to the spot where backup would be waiting. 

However, luck was not on your side tonight. One moment you were jogging to the building in front of you and the next, the three of you were thrown into the air, the bright fire blinding you momentarily despite your protective goggles. For a few seconds, all you did was stare at the sky, wondering if you had died or if the sky was simply so cloudy that not a single star could be seen. It wasn’t until you heard a familiar groan that you came back to your senses and crawled towards your partner.

“San- Are you okay?” You managed to ask- he seemed to have hit his head somewhere, blood trickling down his forehead.

“I’m good,” he exhaled. “Oscar?”

Oscar didn’t respond and you panicked, crawling desperately towards the limp figure and found his pulse growing fainter. You began dragging him with Major Choi to the nearest cover- a big chunk of cement and you stopped, out of breath. You took off your mask and checked your radio but it had broken. You muttered a series of curses, throwing your helmet away in anger while you planned your escape.

“Take Oscar with you to the basement- backup will be waiting,” you hoisted yourself up so you could lean against the rock. “I’ll join you.”

Major Choi narrowed his eyes, taking off his own mask. “You can’t walk, can you?”

“I don’t think I can right now, but I’ll be fine- I’ll be following close, I just need to catch my breath,” you coughed, mouth very dry. “Go, now. I can hide.”

“I’ll come back for you-”

“Don’t you dare,” you seethed. “It’s already been a bad day. Just take Oscar to the backup and wait for me there- do not send anyone else.”

“I won’t leave you in this state,” Major Choi announced- a plain and simple statement.

“Just go,” you begged. “Our mission won’t be complete until we deliver Oscar back. I’ll be fine- no one will come and check in here for a while. I’ll hide elsewhere.”

Major Choi looked conflicted, glancing back and forth between you and Oscar until you nudged his thigh with your boot. He crawled towards you, throwing off his helmet and your hand instinctively went to inspect his injury, sighing internally when you found it wasn’t as bad as you thought. 

What surprised you was him locking his forehead with yours as he said, “I promise I’ll be back.”

Before you could respond in any way, he had drawn back and was dragging Oscar, navigating through the rubble and meeting your eyes, pointing towards north. You understood and made a note to yourself to kill him if you made it out of here alive tonight. For now, you were going to hide in the rubble and watch them until they were out of sight. As soon as they were out of your vision, you relaxed and sat back down-

And heard the most horrible sound of gunshots in the direction Major Choi had gone- so horrible that your entire being shook. You immediately stood up and took out your binoculars to try and see if you could spot them but it was no use. 

You sat back down, looking up at the dark sky- where had it all gone wrong? It was like they were prepared, like they knew you were coming. Was there a rat in your base? Or was it obvious that the Special Forces never left their agents in the enemy’s hands? Were they expecting you because they knew you so well now?

You were glad it was so dark that the tears in your eyes didn’t blur your vision- there wasn’t anything to see anyway so you blindly started crawling towards north, staying as low as possible- you weren’t sure you could walk without limping now anyway. You went from hiding behind one chunk of rubble to another, checking your watch and knowing you didn’t have much time until someone would come to check if you made it out alive. 

After crawling endlessly, you checked your watch- it took you about forty minutes to simply reach the end of the destruction the blast had caused. You hid under a rock yet again, out of breath and with trembling hands you took out your bottle from the bag and drank a few sips, storing the rest for later in case you needed it. You could see your surroundings now thanks to the faint glow of streetlights in the distance and wondered if you should inspect your wound- Major Choi had done a good job of binding it. You decided to let it be and rest for a few minutes before moving forwards.

Forwards. For how long? You were already feeling groggy. Your eyes were twitching and you weren’t sure if you could remain awake if you weren’t moving.

So you decided to move. You prayed Major Choi would come back for you and disobey every order because only then you could know he was alive. For once, you wanted him to come back, because if he died-

You heard footsteps and you aimed your gun at the source, seeing the silhouette of someone walk, almost limp in your direction- the walk looked strangely familiar-

You lowered your gun when the outlines of his body became visible- it was Major Choi. He was alive-

“I searched for you everywhere,” Major Choi whispered harshly as he crouched down and a whimper escaped your mouth as he crushed you in a hug. “I thought I lost you, y/n.”

You shivered due to a number of reasons- he hadn’t called you by your name in a very, very long time. The last time he did was to wake you up when you both had been hostages together and even that had been years ago. The last time he hugged you was a memory you had almost forgotten too-

Not forgotten. Pushed in the deepest part of your memory so it wouldn’t come to you at unexpected times.

You were amazed by how awake you felt now that his arms were around you, his hand in your hair keeping your face tucked in the crook of his neck. You sighed deeply, your uneven breaths synchronising. You tugged at his shirt and perhaps, it was a wrong move. Perhaps he was suddenly aware of the position you were in because he pulled back-

You didn’t want him to pull back.

“I-” you cleared your throat. “I heard the gunshots- are you okay? Where’s Oscar?” You heard him suck in his breath when your hand touched his arm as you were drawing back and you touched the spot again, finding it wet and sticky-

Blood.

“What happened?”

“They must have spotted us- they fired. The first one hit Oscar in the head. I’m sorry-”

“But you’re okay?” You asked. “Only this?”

“Yeah, but we lost Oscar-” his voice shook and you put your hands on his.

“It’s okay,” you assured him. “Oscar might not have made it anyway- his pulse was very faint after the blast. You’re okay- god, I thought they got you, San, I really thought they did-”

You felt his body language shift after you called his name and you wondered just how much you both missed normal physical contact, normal human interactions since only the sound of your names on each other’s lips was making you react- perhaps even more than the casual displays of affection. You shook your head, willing yourself to focus. “What do we do?”

“Our retreat spot is compromised,” Major Choi said, “I think we should head to safety first before we come up with a plan or try to revive your radio. Mine got lost.”

“Okay,” you breathed. “Where to?”

“North, I think,” he sighed. “We mentioned north quite a few times today to the squad. They should get the hint and find us there.”

“They should,” you agreed and he got up. You followed but stumbled on your feet and he caught your arm right on time. 

“Can you walk?”

“Let me try,” you said, looking around before taking a step and biting your lips so harshly it almost drew blood- the pain in your leg was burning you at this point. “I think I’ll be fine… after a few steps.”

“You don’t look fine… Major.”

You glared at him, taking another step and this time unable to control the hiss of pain. He tsk-ed. “Get on my back- it’ll save us time.”

“I’m sorry but you’re not in the best shape either,” you pointed out. “And there’s no way I’m getting on your back-”

“Major, now is not the time for the little game we play of who makes it out in better shape,” he took a step forward and you instinctively took one back, making him groan. “Get on my back- don’t make me carry you like a princess.”

“Fine,” you gave up, “You better run then. There’s no way they wouldn’t spot us.”

With that, you hopped on his back and he hooked his arms under your legs. Silently, he carried you all the way towards the north, never stopping to catch his breath though you could see he was struggling- after all, he was tired too. When you could see the North Exit gate, you motioned for him to go to find someplace to hide- there would surely be enemy prowling here after Team 1’s successful mission. So the Major finally slowed down and turned in an alley and you helped yourself down.

“I don’t think we should risk going inside one of these,” he said, glancing at the abandoned structures of what had to be houses or shops once. “We should wait until sunrise before we try something. Let’s hide somewhere- come on.”

He took your hand and you both trod silently, sticking to the walls until you found a spot where it looked like whoever cared had collected rubble there to keep the rest of the city clean. A shed roof lay on the floor, twisted, and you pointed towards it. San helped you walk towards it and you finally collapsed on the ground under it, stifling a groan. Now that you allowed yourself to relax, the weariness was catching up and making your head spin.

Major Choi didn’t miss it- he immediately dug into his bag and handed you his bottle and two of the sandwiches he still had left. You asked him to conserve the water, glad you had your own bottle and took the sandwich, though the overwhelmingness of everything was making you nauseous.

“Can I inspect your wound?” Major Choi asked. You shook your head. 

“I don’t think I can be quiet if you try to extract the bullet- I think… I think I’ve lost a lot of blood,” you gulped, patting your trousers and finding them wet. “I shouldn’t sleep tonight.”

“I’ll make sure you don’t,” he took a deep breath and you could see the worry on his face even in the very faint light. “Someone should find us in the morning.”

“You’re okay, aren’t you? Anything odd you’re feeling?”

“Just the dull pain now,” he admitted. 

“You shouldn’t have come back, Major,” you chuckled, finishing the sandwich and urging him to eat his. He shook his head, offering it to you and you grabbed it only to stuff it in his mouth, making him chuckle. “You should have stayed behind. I would have been fine- someone would have come in the morning.”

“You know me,” He finished the sandwich in two bites, drinking a sip of water. “I don’t like making it back alone.”

You clicked your tongue in disappointment. “It’s a wonder they haven’t fired you yet. It really is.”

“I could say the same for you,” he raised a brow, shifting so he could sit beside you, back resting against the shed roof. “You’re not any different from me.”

You didn’t answer, recalling the old times. For a few moments, you were both silent and then the Major tapped your thigh and you hummed to tell him you were still awake.

“Don’t fall asleep- keep talking,” he ordered and you sighed. 

“You’re better at talking. I’m better at listening.”

“Just keep talking, for heaven’s sake,” he shifted to be closer to you so your shoulders were touching now. “Don’t say anything out loud- only whisper so you don’t get thirsty.”

“Okay,” you coughed a little, clenching your eyes shut when you felt a fresh wave of pain consume you. You felt the Major’s bare hands snake in yours and you smiled faintly.

“You shouldn’t have joined the mission today. Things could have been very different.”

“We’ll talk about that when we get back,” he dismissed. “Tell me what you want to do when you get back.”

“Sleep,” you laughed a little and he grinned. “What’s the time?”

“Almost midnight.”

“Damn it,” you sighed deeply. “I don’t think I’ll make it-”

“No,” he squeezed your hand. “I’m with you. I’m not letting anything happen to you. I won’t lose you- not like this.”

“Whatever,” you shrugged though you had to admit you were pleased to hear it. “Wait- isn’t that what I said when we were held hostages in Eden?”

“You remember?” He asked. You two hadn’t talked about the events of those three very, very long nights you had spent as hostages in Eden’s territory. “I thought you deleted that memory or something- you never addressed it again.”

“It’s not a good memory,” you said.

“True… but some of my favourite memories are from those days,” he began. “I made it out alive solely because you refused to let me die.”

“Is that why you’re doing the same right now?” You asked.

“Maybe,” he said and you looked at your interlocked hands. “Maybe I like us as a team and don’t want to lose you. Maybe I like you even as a friend- after all, we’ve been together for so long, haven’t we?”

“Back when we were still a boy and a girl,” you recalled. “What happened to us… San?”

There it was. The unintentional squeeze of his hand. You glanced at him and he met your eyes.

“Do you like it when I call you by your name?”

“Don’t you, y/n?”

Something like butterflies in your stomach as his deep voice sounded made you suck in a breath. “Well then… should I call you San? At least for tonight? Just like the old times?”

“Just like the old times,” he smiled, looking ahead. “How did we get here?”

“We refused to let each other go because we were rivals back then, of sorts… I’d say we still are- but we’re better as a team than rivals, aren’t we?” You said and San agreed. “It would just be even better if you stopped being an ass to me in routine.”

“It’s because I love to see you all riled up,” he said, body shaking with laughter. “It’s so easy to rile you up.”

You yawned big and wide and San waited until you were done. “You with me?”

“I am,” you told him. “Tell me then- do you do it on purpose? Only let me treat your wounds? I’m not your personal nurse, you know.”

“You know my reason,” San muttered. “Otherwise you would have downright refused. You know, don’t you?”

“Because you don’t like to show your scars to anyone… And because I’ve seen every scar on your body since the beginning, haven’t I?”

“You’re the only one who looks without judgement,” he admitted. “You know I wasn’t always the best.”

“Look at you now!” you said dramatically. “The best of the best.”

“We are, as a team,” San pointed out. “You remember how bad we are when partnered with other members.”

“Ah, right,” you giggled and San looked at you in horror. “We don’t really coordinate with others, do we?”

“What is that sound you just produced,” San scoffed. “I wonder what other sounds you make, Major.”

“You want to find out?”

San looked away- how come you both had switched roles now? “Looks like the blood loss is really getting to your head now.”

“It is,” you admitted, sinking down a bit and resting your head on your partner’s shoulder, feeling him freeze for just a moment before he relaxed. “I don’t think I should talk anymore.”

“I’ll keep you awake with pain if I have to,” he promised and you grimaced- you had done the same to him once too. No doubt he would return the favour. “If I see you getting groggy, I’m going to press on the wound, you hear me?”

You almost cried- the pain was already too much, but you knew he was right. “Why are you being like this?”

“I would do this for anyone- I cannot let you die on my watch,” he announced. “Which reminds me- give me your radio.”

“Oh, right. Are you sure I’m not the only one suffering from blood loss?” You said which he ignored, crossing his legs as he started inspecting the radio remains. You lit your watch to provide him with better light and watched him twist wires and cut them with his teeth, attempting to revive it-

For a very small moment, the sound of static came through and you both almost rejoiced until it died down. You asked San to do whatever he just did again and he did but it wasn’t any use now. The radio was dead. 

You both slumped back to your original positions and this time you were the one who found San’s hand and squeezed it in assurance. “It’s okay. You’ll be fine.”

“We’ll be fine,” he sighed. “Stop considering yourself dead already. If you survived that moment when we were surrounded by seven guards earlier, you can survive the night too. Good work there, by the way.”

You grinned. “How did you know what I was planning? I was half worried you’d misunderstand the signal and get us all killed.”

“Oh please, when have I ever made that mistake?”

“Are we forgetting that one time when I was waving at you from a distance and you thought I was saying hi-” you paused when San chuckled.

“You were saying ‘get the hell away’, I know,” he shook his head. “I was just curious why.”

“You keep telling yourself that. The fact is, you made a mistake which got us both grounded for two weeks.”

“Yet here we are,” he scoffed. “Still a team. The best of the best.”

“Are we?” You thought out loud. “When we’re always at death’s door?”

“Well, let’s see,” San took a deep breath. “9 out of 10 missions are successful- that’s a pretty high rating for someone in Special Forces, don’t you think? And even if we’re compromised, we’ve never lost data. Even now, I retrieved the chip from Oscar,” he patted his pocket and you looked proud. “We just have to make it back alive now, so hang in there, alright?”

You were silent for a few moments, focusing on San absently caressing your hand and glancing at you a few times to make sure you were awake. You checked the time- there were still about 3 hours until sunrise.

San grunted in pain and you opened your eyes, realising you had almost dozed off. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said but you noticed his eyes twitching. 

“How bad did you hit your head back then, Major Choi San?”

He rolled his eyes but you could tell it had to be something related to his head injury because his other injuries were minor. “I’m fine.”

“Can I see it? Properly?”

“I said I’m fine.”

And that’s how you knew he wasn’t. You shifted, ignoring the pain exploding through your leg as you put your injured leg over the Major’s to get half on top of him and access the other side of his head- the one you had noticed he kept away from your vision. San grabbed your wrists in an attempt to stop you but you glared at him, tski-ing in warning and he gave up, letting you inspect it.

It looked like a normal gash and it had stopped bleeding, so maybe it was a concussion. You sighed. “Are you feeling nauseous? Dizzy?”

“A little,” he admitted.

You pouted, going back to sitting next to him. “Looks like I’ll be the one keeping you awake for the night.”

He laughed to himself and you joined. “You’re making it sound like it's an awful task.”

“It is,” you rubbed your face. “Let’s not fall asleep, Choi San. Your turn to tell me what you would like to do when you go back.”

“Sleep,” he laughed and you poked his thigh. “Okay, I’d like to get a few days off. Should I get you some days off too?”

“What will we even do in our free time?” 

“We could go somewhere,” he looked at you. “Remember Sector 6?”

You didn’t expect him to bring up Sector 6. It was the one time you both almost crossed boundaries with each other- your squad had gotten a few days off and all of you decided to spend those days like ‘normal people’ in the ‘normal’ sector- the one known for its lively atmosphere. The town that never sleeps, it was called. Somehow, you and San strayed away from the rest of the team and had a night you would try to forget for the next few years, the one you were still trying to forget-

It wasn’t even anything much. You two had drank and danced in a club. You two had joked about getting hooked up except you two couldn’t stay away from each other even when you tried. Whenever you looked at someone, San would make some comment about what type of a person they were. You were ashamed to admit you did the same to him too- so you two only danced with each other- 

Only looked at each other. 

Something had changed after that. You couldn’t shake off the ghost of his hands on your waist, on your shoulders, a comfortable weight. You called each other by your names and it almost felt like you two were only civilians, friends who were flirting with each other. At one point, he had hugged you and told you that you were the best thing that happened to him, though you were pretty sure he forgot all about that the next day, since he claimed he remembered nothing- he wasn’t good with his drinks, so you believed him.

Until he brought it up again, now.

“Sector 6?” You scoffed. “Why would you want to go there again?”

“Do I really need a reason to relive that again?”

So cryptic. You tried to make sense of his words but you couldn’t.

“Well, if we live through tonight, might think about it then,” you said, trying not to recall the things you had said to San that night. Things you wished he really had forgotten. 

“Do you think we’ll live to see the sunrise?”

You glanced at San. He looked weary- perhaps, he really did need a break. You rarely ever saw him look weary. You did not like him with such low spirits. You only squeezed his hand and let the silence fall- you were both too tired to continue talking anyway, so you both resorted to tapping out morse code. It was nostalgic to talk that way, though all you were tapping was curses and ‘awake?’, it made you reminisce about your time together as agents. You supposed you would let the memories flash by- after all, you might really not live to see the sunrise. 

The two hours following had to be the longest of your life. Your fingers were tired from tapping to each other, but at least that meant you were alive. You would occasionally drink a sip of water or shake each other. Sometimes you would recall a funny memory and share a brief laugh. But by the end of it, you were both so groggy that you had to press into San’s now ripped stitches to make him wake up, earning a groan that was too loud for your liking. You also made him press on your wound and you cried this time. The pain was nowhere near dull.

You didn’t notice the sky getting lighter until the rays of sun hit your face and you looked at San who was almost dozing off. You shook him.

“Hey. We lived to see the sunrise.”

San opened his eyes, blinking a few times and you watched the sun cast shadows on the sharp angles of his face. His brown eyes looked warm as he smiled.

“We really did live to see the sunrise…”

You smiled, squeezing his hand. All you two had to do now was wait for a signal- there was this new kernel of hope in your heart that you would make it out alive now- even if backup never comes, you two would make it out alive somehow-

“I wish to see the rest of my sunrises with you too.”

You stopped in the middle of shuffling through your bag, not having the strength to meet his eyes- you recognised this tone of his voice so well you knew how he would be looking at you anyway. However, you couldn’t help the smile creeping up on your face and you took out your medical kit, finally having enough light and the newfound energy to do something about San’s wounds at least. 

“That’s… not something you should be saying to me. You do not wish to see the rest of your sunrises with your partner in Special Forces, Major.”

“And if I do?”

You finally looked at him, narrowing your eyes. “I think I should have done something about your wounds earlier. You’re in a worse state than I am, and I am the one who got hit by a goddamn bullet.”

San chuckled, unbuttoning his shirt and letting you take care of his stitches- he knew you were doing it not because it was necessary but because you would have something to focus on. Perhaps you were dizzy for a different reason now, in which case…

“You think I don’t mean it?”

“Major Choi San,” you warned-

“Look at me, y/n,” he called and you sighed deeply, finishing cleaning his wound and then meeting his eyes, your heart sinking at the way he was gazing at you. “You know I don’t lie. You know that. Everything that I say… I mean it. I really, really do wish we’ll be together for a long time.”

“You like working as a team that much?” You tried joking but he shook his head, his hand finding yours and snaking up to caress your wrist. You gulped, finally looking at him and the two of you just stared at each other for a few moments.

“Whatever’s going on in your head… don’t say it. Not now.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t think I’ll be able to make logical decisions right now,” you muttered, taking your hand away from him with immense willpower. 

If you expected San’s spirits to lower, he was smirking too hard for that right now. “So that means there is something, isn’t it? How long are we going to pretend we don’t like each other like that?”

“San-”

You heard the familiar sound of a high pitched frequency and turned towards the source, San getting up immediately and taking a look around, spotting a black flag raised in the air- backup.

“Finally,” you groaned in relief. “Help me up.”

“Finish your thoughts first,” San hovered over you and you rolled your eyes, knowing there was no way out of this.

“God, you’re insufferable,” you laughed, raising your hand and he helped you up, purposely pulling you to him so you bumped into his chest and you smacked it. “I think you’re the most annoying person in my life, but I like you anyway.”

“Perhaps you’re right- must be the blood loss speaking,” he couldn’t believe his ears. Normally, you would have pointed your gun at him and threatened to blow his brains out if he ever said something like that. “Let’s talk about it when we get back. For now… thank you for being alive, y/n.”

“Thank you for coming back for me too, San,” you felt way too emotional all of a sudden. “I really thought something happened to you when I heard the gunshots- I just… thank you.”

The Major brought a hand to your face and caressed it as if it was something he did every other day. He planted a lingering kiss to your forehead and you bit the inside of your cheek to contain the sigh that threatened to leave your mouth. He simply smiled when he met your eyes as he drew back and motioned for you to follow him.

—---------------------

Your team leader allowed you to rest first before he came to check on you both in the evening, looking scarier than ever, especially having caught you both with ‘stupid snacks’ like he used to refer to them, giggling like kids with the rest of your team.

“Major Choi and Major Seo,” he called and your grins fell. Major Yu attempted to hide the lollies but was interrupted by Major Kang, who had tried doing the same which just made them roll dramatically on the floor until they hit the Sergeant’s boot. His frown got deeper especially when Major CJ chuckled out loud and Major Han slapped his arm to shut him up.

“The two of you-” he began, taking a deep breath. “How the hell did you make it back alive this time? I think I'd better like you dead now.”

Major Kang snorted. San cleared his throat. “Major Seo kept me alive!”

“Major Choi kept me alive!” You responded and he groaned.

“I don’t care who kept whom alive- you need to present a full report to me right now. There’s something I need to check. The rest of you- out.”

The team left with a series of grunts and more than one ‘boomer’ thrown at the Sergeant which earned them a threatening (but playful) raise of fist in the air. You began narrating the events, San filling in the gaps occasionally. The Sergeant nodded along until you told him about being cornered by the guards when you found Oscar.

“Did you perhaps recognise any of those guards?”

“They were all wearing masks,” San looked at you and you nodded. “I noticed one of them had a tattoo on his wrist.”

“What kind of a tattoo? Do you think you can recognise it if I show you some pictures?” Sergeant Kim asked and Major Choi said he would try. You continued to narrate the rest of the story and San mentioned the chip he had handed in earlier when they arrived. 

“It’s a shame we lost Oscar, but good job staying alive and completing the mission- both of you,” Sergeant Kim acknowledged and you both relaxed in relief. “There is a reason I send you both in the heart of the operation most of the time- it’s because I trust you both. It’s not that I do not trust the others, but the three of us have worked together for the longest- and we were once a team, after all- back when I was still Major Kim,” he smiled and your heart warmed- the Sergeant wasn’t much older than you both and the three of you had been a trio back in your early days- though you both always called him your captain anyway. It’s like he was meant to lead. 

“I trust you both to complete the mission no matter what, and I trust you both to make it out alive each time- even if it takes days,” he continued. “For a while, I’ve been suspecting there’s a rat around us. I don’t know which squad or who, but the past few days have been a sign enough that we’ve been betrayed- especially since they captured so many of our agents. I want you both to stay alert and wary of everyone- even the ones in your squad,” he sounded disappointed. “I know you trust your squad but you both almost died today, and I cannot help but be worried.”

You watched the Sergeant sigh deeply. “Is there anyone you suspect?”

“Not at the moment, at least not from our squad,” he admitted. “Or maybe it’s because I’m making a mistake of trusting them. Perhaps I’m making a mistake in letting you both know too. Maybe the rat is one of you.”

“Yeah, it could totally be me,” you began, scoffing. “I asked to be shot so I could pretend to die and do what?”

“Or it could be me,” Major Choi chuckled. “I went back to finish Major Seo but ended up using my last shreds of humanity to save her instead. Should have killed her when I had the chance-”

“I’m only saying!” Sergeant Kim laughed this time but you weren’t having it. 

“You know what- maybe he’s the rat,” you looked at the Sergeant and San agreed. “He usually makes it out unscathed. Wonder what that means.”

“You both know there’s a reason why I rank higher than you both,” he scoffed. “With the amount of times you get hurt, I should lower your ranks-”

“Sergeant, we’re just joking. I trust you both. I really do. And I trust my squad too, but I’ll keep my guard up anyway.”

He nodded. “Take some rest, you both. Once you’re back, I have another task for the two of you- until then, I’ll take care of it.”

“What’s it about?” San asked but the Sergeant waved his hand and left. You pursed your lips.

“I knew it wasn’t simply bad luck- there must be someone who reports our activity to Eden.”

“And we can’t even narrow it down since there were four Squads involved in this mission,” San shook his head. “Do you think Sergeant Kim will be sending us on a false mission again?”

“I hope not,” you sighed, glancing at your bandaged leg, thankful the bullet hadn’t done much damage. “I need… a break.”

San laughed at that. “When are you scheduled to get some days off?”

“In two months, I think,” you tried to recall the exact date. 

“That’s too far away. If we can’t have a break right now… we could at least get some drinks together?”

“You can’t even hold your liquor, Major,” you muttered and he glared at you. You shrugged, “I’m not taking care of you if you get drunk again. Last time was enough.”

“What did I do last time?”

“See? You don’t even remember,” you muttered, looking away. Last time, and the time before, and every time San got drunk… he was a mess- especially with you, and you weren’t sure if he realised it yet. “We could just go to town to get dinner. No drinks.”

“Come on, we haven’t let loose in a while-”

“Did someone say drinks?” Major CJ entered and you muttered ‘oh no’.

Because the next night, you heard a knock on your room around 10pm and you opened the door to see Major Han grinning widely.

“How’s your leg healing up?”

“Pretty well, actually,” you told her. “What’s got you so giddy?”

“We’re having drinks in Major CJ’s room,” she winked. “Even Sergeant Kim is there.”

“Oh, you better go then,” you winked back. “I think I’ll stay.”

“Oh no, you won’t,” she grabbed your hand and pulled you, making you squeal. “Sergeant Kim ordered me to bring you there.”

“No way he did,” you muttered. “Let me change?”

“Oh, you look fine,” she said, scanning your black tank top and shorts. “Absolutely ravishing.”

“Let me get a jacket, at least,” you laughed and she finally let go of you with a grin. You grabbed your uniform jacket and followed Major Han to the men’s dorm which was opposite yours, going in the direction of where all the noise was coming from-

It was a mess. Not just your squad- even some from Squad 6 were present. As soon as the Sergeant spotted you, he smirked. 

“Oh no. I’m going back-”

“No, you’re not,” Sergeant Kim got up and you attempted to leave but he grabbed your wrist and everyone else laughed.

“I’m here because I’m keeping an eye out for odd behaviour,” he whispered and you scoffed.

“You’re already almost drunk. I don’t think you can ‘keep an eye out’ for much longer…” you faltered when he glared at you- “... Sergeant.”

“I need you here too- you’re good at detecting odd behaviour,” he dragged you back towards the table and you sat between him and Major Kang. “Just like old times.”

“Just like old times,” you raised the drink he poured you, clicking with the rest on the table, Major San across from you, a flush already creeping up on his neck. “Just how long have you all been drinking?”

“It was going to be just us, but Sergeant Kim decided to join,” Major Kang began. “And then he called Major Yu- they’re boomer drinking buddies so they cannot even drink without each other.”

“I’m not a boomer…” Major Yu drawled. “I am the life of the party.”

You and Major Kang ignored her and you got into a discussion about who was the best drinker in the room- it was definitely Major CJ who Major Kang said had been drinking for an hour now but still looked fresh. You two began ranking the people in the room, occasionally passing a comment, purposely ignoring San’s watchful eyes on you.

“I think the worst has to be San,” you tsk-ed. “Look at him.”

Major Kang raised a brow at the way you addressed him- he had never heard you two call each other by your first names. In fact, all of you always referred to the other formally. 

“I think you must be pretty down on the ranking too if you’re calling him ‘San’,” Major Kang commented and you stared at him in confusion until it sank in. However, you could redeem yourself.

“I don’t think a Major looks like that,” you pointed at the very flushed, almost drowsy and very giggly Choi San and Major Kang almost choked on his drink as he laughed. San seemed to have noticed that and wasn’t having any of it now- he got up and went around the table to push Sergeant Kim away from you so he could sit with you.

“I bet he didn’t ask you to keep an eye out for something odd,” you scoffed. “You can’t even look after yourself right now.”

“I am a fully conscious individual right now,” he began and you shared a grin with Major Kang who was watching you two. “I may look red but I’m crystal clear inside.”

“Yeah? How many fingers do you see?” Major Kang raised three fingers.

“I’m not blind. Two.”

You hadn’t laughed this hard in such a long time that you had to put your head down, feeling dizzy for a moment. Major Kang was laughing just as hard, clapping along and you looked up to see San smiling at you.

“I know it’s three. I just wanted to make you laugh.”

“Ohh,” Major Kang looked between you two. “You can’t tell me something hasn’t changed between you two now, Major Seo.”

“He’s drunk,” you shook your head. “Everything that comes out of his mouth from this point on is nonsense.”

Thus started an argument between the three of you and halfway through it, you shut your eyes and tuned out the men on either side of you now in a heated discussion about something else entirely. You opened your eyes, wanting to rest your folded arms on the table but San was taking all the space. San, and his stupid muscular arms looking spectacular in his stupid white tank top-

Yes. You were definitely tipsy now. 

You definitely were, because for quite a while you simply watched the man crowding your personal space talk. You smiled at his little habits of blinking too many times when he felt dizzy or cracking his neck to shrug off the sleep. You itched to inquire about his healing progress- for all the times you complained about being his personal nurse, you sure were worried now. You licked your suddenly dry lips when he spared you a glance.

“You okay?”

“Move, you’re taking too much space,” you muttered, pushing his arm away with your elbow and he grinned. The Sergeant got San’s attention and you and Major Kang watched the others for the rest of the night-

Until most of the agents left and San was such a drunken mess that you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Will someone please take him to his room? Or just drop him here, I don’t even care,” you mumbled. “Just get him off of me, please.”

Major CJ was cackling. “I’m not touching him. He starts demanding cuddles.”

“Neither am I,” Major Kang was half asleep but not because he was drunk. 

“You both literally share a room, Major,” you glared at him.

“Jongho, do you mind if I crash over tonight?” Major Kang asked.

“Not at all,” he glanced at the Sergeant. “We can throw him on the couch, you can take his bed.”

“Wow,” you tsk-ed at all of them. “Traitors, all of you. Major Han?”

“I can’t even carry myself right now,” she said, almost tripping on her feet. “Why did Major Yu leave me all alone?”

“Probably to avoid this mess,” you muttered. “Major Choi San, wake the hell up, right now.”

“I wasn’t asleep,” he mumbled.

“Then get the hell away from me?” You glared at him in disbelief- he was using your arm on the table as a pillow and it was starting to hurt. “Go to your room and sleep.”

“Help me up then,” he said, not even opening his eyes. You looked up and gathered the last of your willpower to push his head away and pull his arm.

“Take his keys,” Major Kang tossed them in the air and you caught them, flipping a finger at him. He only laughed in dismissal. You asked San to at least cooperate with you a little and that your leg would hurt if you had to carry him, which was when he finally opened his eyes and straightened.

“You shouldn’t suggest drinks ever again,” you told him, hooking your arm in his and helping him walk straight. “Look at you. Such a mess.”

“You don’t look so bad either,” he grinned and you shook your head. He pointed at the room at the end of the hall and you looked around while you walked. 

“Is this your first time coming here?”

“No, but I haven’t ever visited your room since we got posted here,” you told him, unlocking his room and pushing the door open- it was pretty much the same as the other rooms but with beds on either corner of the room since he shared it with Major Kang. 

“There you go,” you tried unhooking your arm but he tucked it in. “I should go now, I’m tired. Let me go.”

“I don’t want to…” he pouted and you dug your nails in his arm until he winced and let your arm go. You laughed in victory, taking a step away.

“You’re supposed to heal me, not hurt me!” He rubbed at the marks your nails left but then stopped, admiring them. “You know what? I think I’ll keep them as a badge of honour anyway.”

“Wow, okay. Want me to give you some more? This time bloody marks, perhaps?”

The way San looked at you in that moment, his eyes slowly filling with mischief and lips curling into a smirk, you finally realised what you had said. This time, you were the one flushing and you turned to leave, muttering a bye but he caught your wrist.

“Maybe I’d like that.”

“You’re very, very drunk right now,” you laughed. “You won’t remember this tomorrow anyway.”

“You think the memories don’t come back to me?” He asked, his tone changing and you stopped struggling. “You think I forgot this exact moment? In Sector 6, when…” he pulled you towards him, making you face him. “When we danced all night long… just like this,” he interlocked his fingers with yours, his other hand finding its way inside your jacket to rest on your hip. “Do you remember?”

You were afraid to ask just how much he remembered. You weren’t sure you could manage to form a question right now anyway, especially with the way he was looking at you. You could feel your walls coming down-

All it took was him bringing your interlocked hands closer to kiss your hand and you felt the years worth of effort melting in an instant. 

He had done the same thing that night, in Sector 6. And you had almost kissed him and told him how much he meant to you. But you had been drunk, and you had managed to keep yourself in control, though you couldn’t stop yourself from saying things you regretted saying ever since.

You were drunk tonight too- though you were pretty sure this was the most awake you had been for a while. San still had his lips on your hand, his eyes glazed as he looked at you.

“We shouldn’t- I was drunk-”

“Then tell me you didn’t mean anything you said back then,” he scoffed. “Tell me you don’t think about us every night before you sleep. And tell me you’re not holding yourself back right now, because Major… I know you. I can see that you’re holding back.”

Indeed, he was familiar with every movement, every shift of your body like they were his own. He could read your eyes and your silence like you could read his. So when you didn’t respond, he dared to take another step and let his hand on your hip snake back so he could pull you closer, closer until you were flush against each other and you-

You couldn’t bear to look at him anymore, not without doing anything you might regret, so you did the next best thing and rested your head on his chest, making him freeze for the slightest moment before he relaxed and let go of your hand only to embrace you in a hug- a hug that made you melt into it and you wondered just how much you had craved this all along.

“Did I tell you how glad I am that you’re alive?” He mumbled, taking a deep breath when your arms finally went around his waist. You nodded, nuzzling the crook of his neck with your nose as a yes. He squeezed you in the hug before drawing back and kissing your forehead just like he had a couple nights ago. You inhaled deeply, wanting to stay in that moment forever. Perhaps he saw that- after all, this was probably the most vulnerable you had looked in front of him. Perhaps he wanted to test the waters- he kissed your cheek next, his hands resting on your shoulders.

“Do you still think I’m not in my senses?”

His words rang in your ears and for a few seconds, you just stared back at him, trying to get your brain to work and scream at you that this wasn’t something you should be doing, especially with someone you worked with. Not like this. Not now. But the silence in your brain was louder. You found yourself inching towards him, eyes fixed on his parted lips that looked like your salvation right now.

“I don’t want you to do something you will regret later-”

You ignored his warning and pulled him towards you, meeting his lips in a kiss. You drew back, finding him more surprised than you had thought- as if he hadn’t practically led you here with his own hands. You kissed his lips again, tasting the sweet tinge of alcohol- a reminder that perhaps, this wasn’t right. But you didn’t care. You’ve had enough of this. So you kissed him yet again, but he remained unmoving. You drew back and frowned in confusion.

“Why won’t you kiss me back, Sannie?”

It was like you calling him by that name undid something in him- he let out a guttural sound before cupping your face and kissing you back like it was the last time he would get to do so- and perhaps, he feared that it was. With your somewhat clouded minds, maybe this was just in the heat of the moment- for you- because he was so sure about himself. He had wanted you for so, so long and now that he finally had you-

You tried to meet the pace of his desperate kisses but it was overwhelming you, so you let him kiss you as he liked for a moment before breaking apart for air. You cupped his face, your heart breaking at the way he looked so unguarded.

“San- I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere- I’m right here.”

 “You’re here… with me.”

“I’m here,” you nodded with a smile, pecking his lips. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

San understood and then kissed you so gently that the butterflies you got earlier in your stomach felt weak- this was how it should feel, like something in you was becoming undone and you could melt right there, in his arms, and be there forever. You wrapped your arms around his neck to meet his lips better and he held you close to him as if his arms were the only reason you were standing- you realised it was true because your knees were putty. He made you wrap your legs around him and pinned you to the wall, making you sit on his thigh while he kissed you.

The way he kissed… you were absolutely losing it. The sound of his mouth on yours and the little grunts he produced were driving you crazy. The way his hands stayed on your waist, his thumbs hooking on your tank top made you shiver against him and he smiled into the kiss. And his tongue- oh goodness. He was incredible and you were wondering why you hadn’t done this earlier.

This time when you broke apart, he started trailing kisses down your neck and you shut your eyes in pleasure, rocking against his body, and when his lips stayed on one part of your skin unmoving but his hands gripped your hips, you realised he liked what you were doing. He liked you moving against his thigh. He looked up, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Just how long have you wanted me, Major Seo?”

You raised a brow, annoyed, and smacked his arm, making him chuckle and capture your lips in a kiss again, guiding you towards his bed where he sat you, getting on top of you and you were both grinning and about to kiss again when-

When you both heard the sound of click on the door and couldn’t do anything but watch Major Kang enter, humming to himself, and then looking up- 

And freezing.

For a few moments, it was so silent that you could hear your own heartbeat in your ears.

“Uh… carry on, please, don’t stop on my account,” he finally said, looking mortified. “I’ll just see myself out-”

“Wait-” you called but he only waved and disappeared, making you look at San-

And then you both burst into laughter, unable to tone it down, laughing as loudly as you could until you had tears in your eyes. San wiped his eyes, shaking his head at you.

“You really won’t be laughing like this tomorrow, y/n. I hope you will be, but I know you.”

Your smile slowly fell. You found San’s hand and looked at your interlocked hands for a long time. San didn’t ask what you were thinking- he knew anyways. So when you said you were going back to your room now, he let you- but not before he kissed you again and you responded enthusiastically- you really had no control over yourself tonight, it almost turned into another makeout session but San drew back.

“You should go. But when tomorrow comes… don’t tell me you regret any of this, okay?”

“I won’t. I promise.”

He visibly relaxed. “Goodnight, y/n. I’ll come with you- I have to fetch Major Kang anyway. He might be traumatised.”

You chuckled, saying goodbye and going to your room and finding yourself unable to sleep because you couldn’t help replaying what just happened in your head- smiling like an idiot in love.

Maybe you were.

—--------------------------

“Can you stop looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” Major Kang raised his hands in surrender. “I’m not looking at you.”

You paused in the middle of cleaning your bullet wound to glare at the man in front of you who was also in the middle of changing his own bandages in the medical ward. He stifled a smile but failed, opting to turn his back to you instead.

“Just say it. Say it and get it over with.”

Major Kang sighed deeply. “Look, I’m not interested in what you and Major Choi do when you’re both alone- ” You threw the roll of surgical tape at him which he caught with a glare but he continued, “-I really did not have to see that sight when I came into my room, Major Seo. That’s all I’m saying.”

Years of training did not teach you how to keep the flush from your face. “I didn’t mean to-”

“Yeah, I’ve heard it before. ‘It just happened’- ”

“Shut up,” you groaned. “It really did just happen.”

“Don’t tell me it was your first time,” he scoffed and when he didn’t get a response, he gasped out loud, actually looking concerned for once. “It was your first time?”

“Yes,” you muttered, looking around and glad no one was in the vicinity. “If you’re thinking me and Major Choi are a thing, you’re wrong.”

“So you only made out yesterday because you were drunk?”

Was what you were asking yourself ever since the morning too. It was definitely not because you were drunk- moreover, you promised San that you would not regret this. 

And you did not. You were just confused about a number of things, especially how this would go on now. And you were glad the day was almost over and you still hadn’t come across San because you weren’t sure you could face him right now- you needed to get your thoughts straightened. 

“You’re confused,” Major Kang scanned your face with curiosity. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this confused, and I’ve known you for a very long time now. Something happened when you two were out there until we came to retrieve you, right?”

You sighed deeply, finishing bandaging your leg again and seating yourself on the corner of the bed. “I always thought that Major Choi joked around with me, but you know how he gets around me when he’s drunk, right?” Major Kang nodded and you continued. “I thought he only did that to rile me up or something-”

“He didn’t, but okay, carry on.”

You passed him a side-eye. “We’ve had a few moments in the past two years. Moments when I wondered if Major Choi was going to cross the boundaries of professionalism and do something that might change our dynamic-”

“Can you sound any more cryptic?” Major Kang sighed. “Just say that you like him.”

“I do!” You groaned out loud, burying your face in the bed. 

“Major Choi likes you too- you’ve just been too blind to see it.”

“I know.”

“Then I don’t see the problem?”

“I just…” you got up. “We’re special agents, Major Kang. Do you think it’s a wise decision to make? To be with a member of your team, of all the people in the world? We walk into death’s trap every other day and it’s honestly a miracle that we’re still alive, isn’t it? We’re on borrowed time. I just… I cannot make this more complicated than it already is.”

“Hmm… it makes sense,” Major Kang finished bandaging his own arm and sat next to you. “But that’s the agent in you speaking about all this professionalism and stuff. It’s not like the other agents here don’t have a family. Major Yu is a mother. You think she didn’t think about this before marrying a civilian?”

You bit your lips- it was true. Major Yu was someone you had immense respect for- she was balancing her work and personal life extremely well. As a mother, as someone with a family, she probably risked more than any one of you when going into missions. Major CJ was the only provider in his family too. 

“I think there’s something else you’re scared of… and perhaps, you haven’t figured out what exactly that is yet,” Major Kang smiled knowingly. “I think you just need to go with the flow. If you really think you’re on borrowed time, shouldn’t you be living each moment to the fullest instead of holding yourself back?”

That line stuck with you. 

It stuck with you for the rest of the day, making you wonder just what would be so bad about being with Choi San and what was really stopping you and making you so afraid of the future.

You didn’t try to find Major Choi that day but you knew you couldn’t avoid him forever. You did come across him the next day but it was with everyone else and it was very casual- as if nothing had happened between you two. You were arguing just like usual, met up with Sergeant Kim to get the files and data for your next mission and the three of you planned a strategy for hours until you parted ways for the night. You wondered if he had actually been so drunk that he forgot the events of that night when a knock sounded on your door and you checked the time, wondering if it was one of the girls who needed something-

And blinked twice when you opened the door and found Major Choi in front of you.

“Is something wrong?” You asked, looking around, wondering if something had happened-

“Shouldn’t we talk?”

Oh. Your eyes went wide and you pulled him inside, shutting the door. “You shouldn’t come here so casually.”

“Why? Major CJ comes and goes as he pleases- I’ve never seen anyone feel strange about that.”

“Jongho is everyone’s baby here,” you told him. “He’s like our little brother. We don’t mind him,” you grinned. “However, you coming here is another story-”

“Oh? On a first name basis with Jongho yet the first time you called my name in years is because we thought we wouldn’t live to see the next day?”

You scanned his figure- he was still in his uniform and it looked like he hadn’t gone back to his room at all. He had removed the bandage from his cheekbone so there was a dull graze instead. His hair was no longer combed back but messily falling on his forehead as if he had been running his hands through them.

“If you wanted to be called by your name that bad, you could have just asked,” you said casually, steering towards the small kitchen in your room and offering him a drink. He raised a brow.

“Should we drink again?”

You sighed deeply, resting your figure against the counter and ditching the drinks. “You came to talk.”

“How’s your leg?”

“Oh, it’s fine,” you looked down at your bandaged calf. “How’s your arm?”

“What do I mean to you?”

The room fell silent. The silence was too suffocating. You did not realise how long you simply stared at San until he took a step towards you and you took a step back, watching hurt flash in his eyes.

“Wait, let me just…” you tried saying something to undo that moment, swallowing the anxious wave that spread through you. You took a deep breath and looked at the man-

The man who meant the world to you. The only person who had been in your life for so long and was such a big part of it. How could you ever tell him that with words? 

“Just tell me one thing, y/n,” he insisted, his voice low and so cautious. “Tell me if you regret where we are right now.”

“I don’t,” your response was immediate. “I don’t regret any moment of it.”

“Then what are you so afraid of?”

You looked away and this time you didn’t stop San as he inched closer towards you until he could hold your hands in his. “Tell me what’s holding you back.”

Your heart fluttered at the sight of your linked hands. You weren’t sure you could say anything that would not hurt him at that moment but there were some things you needed to address. “Should we really do this, Major? We’re special agents. We’re a team. You can’t tell me this is a good decision.”

“Do you think I care about that?” He asked. “We’re a team and we will continue to be a team. Nothing will change.”

“That’s a lie, though,” you smiled sadly as you looked at him. “Everything will change. Everything has changed.”

“Not for me,” he brought one hand to tuck your hair behind your ear, studying your eyes and trying to decipher the puzzling look in them. “I have loved you for so long that it’s become a part of me now.”

You shut your eyes, letting that sink in and when he took another step towards you, you didn’t stop him as he kissed your forehead. “I know you feel at least a fraction of what I feel for you. So tell me all your fears, y/n. I’m here.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” You laughed a bit. “I’ve always talked about professionalism, haven’t I? I’ve always talked about how unprofessional it is to have an intimate relationship with someone in this field when you don’t even know if you will live to see the next day. How can I do this and not be afraid, Major?”

“I mean…” he pouted. “You’re right but we’re still alive-”

“Major Choi San-”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” he laughed and you were kind of grateful that he was keeping it light because you weren’t sure what sort of a mess you would become otherwise. “I know what you mean. I feel that as much as you do. But y/n…” he caressed your cheek. “Every mission where we cheat death, I grow more and more afraid of losing you. And then I think about what I will regret if I lose you- not telling you how I feel about you. How much you mean to me.”

“That’s why I’m afraid, San,” you admitted. “I know one day it’s going to happen. I know why I’m here, I know how dangerous it is, and I have seen what happens when you lose someone in this manner. You know that.”

You were referring to your mother. He knew the stories about your family quite well- you told him when you first became friends. “This war is ugly. We’re here to end this and we will die in the process. It is our fate. We’re only going to make it more complicated for us if we do this.”

Major Choi did not like the way you thought about these things- time and time again, you both had been on opposite ends in this argument. He had tried so hard to break your walls and make you see life from an optimistic lens. He wished you could take a peek in his mind.

“I would rather die happy than to live regretting what I could have done for the rest of my life,” San said, making you lock eyes with him. “I would rather have known the taste of your lips, the feel of your skin on my skin than to imagine what it could have been,” he leaned down to whisper in your ears-

“And I would rather have known the sounds you make when I touch you, because god, I cannot get those sounds out of my head.”

Warmth pooled in your stomach at his words and perhaps he was good at triggering you to do things you wouldn’t normally do because you saw the opportunity and took it- you saw his bare neck and snaked your hand up to push the collar of his jacket to the side so you could plant a sweet kiss at the spot you had your eyes on- the spot that had made him squirm that night. This time, he was the one making those sounds and perhaps he was right-

You’d rather die having known all those things. Having known what he felt like, in every way possible.

San’s grip on your waist tightened a bit as you trailed kisses up his neck to his jaw and then caressed the scar on his cheekbone with your thumb. You were dazed in that moment and you did not want to think about anything else except the fact that he was so close to you right now, so close that you could feel the warmth of his body and it felt so welcoming. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, realising it might be your favourite spot. San let you have your moment until he hummed to make sure you were alright.

“What are you thinking, love?”

You sighed. How could you ever get used to him calling you ‘love’? How could you ever get used to being in his arms and feeling so safe? How could you go to the field with him covering you? You would want to shield him from everything. But then…

You have always felt that way. Perhaps he was right. It wouldn’t be so different.

You didn’t respond. You drew back and scanned his face once before locking your gaze on his lips. He got the signal and he immediately planted his lips on yours and you kissed him, feeling every nerve in your body ignite with pleasure. One of his hands went to rest on the back of your neck, his thumb caressing your skin and guiding you as he kissed you better, deeper until you had to draw away and catch your breath.

You melted at the way he couldn’t open his eyes for a few moments. For the shortest moment, you could understand why you were afraid of all the wrong reasons, though that did nothing to soothe your anxiety. It was only San kissing you again that made you forget about all your fears and let yourself get lost in that moment. He picked you up effortlessly and took you to the couch, placing you down ever so gently as he got on top of you. 

“I need you to use your words,” San moved your hair away from your face gently, searching your eyes. “Tell me we’re good.”

“We’re good,” you nodded. “San, please-”

San realised what you meant when he noticed the position you both were in- he was hovering on top of you but his knee was dangerously close to your core. His breath got caught and he looked at you again but before you could take the matters into your own hands, he held your wrists.

“Tell me what you want.”

You groaned, looking away but San wasn’t having any of it. He leaned closer, turning your face to him gently by placing his fingers under your chin and made you lock eyes with him. You watched his lips curl into a smile and he said, “Look at you, Major. You’re all flushed.”

“Shut up,” you laughed, attempting to hide your face but he was grinning, not allowing you to do so. You huffed in defeat, locking eyes with him yet again, trailing one hand up his arm and then down his chest to unbutton his jacket slowly. San watched you while you did that and then his jacket fell open, leaving him with a black tank top underneath. You were about to snake both your hands under when he gripped your wrists again.

“You still haven’t answered me.”

“I want you,” you breathed, propelling yourself forward so you could meet his lips and you pecked them. “I want you, Major. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, however short it may be, even though the rational part of my brain still thinks it’s a bad idea,” you said, letting San fall back on the couch so you were now on top of him with your legs on either side of him. “I don’t know how long I’ve wanted you for, how long I’ve loved you because I know I do, I just… never allowed myself to think about this, so,” you bit your lips, looking at him and finding his gaze overwhelming. His grip on your wrists loosened and you took that chance to place your hands on his collarbones, caressing them. “You mean so much to me. I will always be afraid of losing you. And I don’t know how we’ll figure this out- how I will figure this out since you seem to have the hang of it already, but…” you both laughed at that and you locked eyes with him. “I want you.”

San kissed you, lingering there. “Say that again.”

“I want you,” you breathed, meeting his lips again and opening your mouth as soon as his tongue swiped your lips, your arms going around his neck to hold him closer as you kissed. It wasn’t rushed yet there was a sense of urgency now that you both had bared your hearts to each other. And San wasn’t shy while making out with you at all. His hands were everywhere and soon, he shifted so he was back to being on top of you, which was when he started to trail his lips down your neck.

“Can I take this off?” He asked, fisting your shirt and you nodded, taking off his jacket first. He smirked, taking off your shirt for you and leaving you in a black athletic bra. He shook his head in amusement but went back to trailing kisses down your neck. You shut your eyes and lowered your defences- that was what he was aiming to do. His kisses were gradually releasing all the tension from your shoulders and you wondered how he knew that. His hands travelled up your waist and you opened your eyes, nodding and he wasted no time taking off your bra as well and when you pouted, he laughed, taking off his tank top.

“Now we’re even,” he grinned, looking shamelessly at you and you resisted the urge to fold in on yourself.

“No, we’re not,” you muttered. “And stop looking at me like I’m your last meal.”

San laughed heartily, kissing your lips and you smiled into the kiss. “You’re beautiful. So beautiful. Seo beautiful.”

“Shut up,” you groaned. “That joke is the worst thing I’ve heard.”

“It cracks you up everytime,” he muttered against your mouth, kissing you again and diving down, his hand cupping one of your breasts and playing with it while he kissed and licked and nibbled everywhere he could. You couldn’t breathe and you put a hand over your mouth as if you needed to stifle your sounds but he noticed that and held your hand away.

“Don’t be shy, Major. I need to hear you make all those pretty sounds.”

“God, you’re insufferable-” you began but he went to attack your sweet spot right at that moment, earning a little moan and then he smiled in victory, making you slap his arm. You decided that he had teased you enough and with your legs, you pushed him away to get back on top of him, your chests flush against each other and your arms around his neck, holding his face closer to yours as you kissed him deeply, rolling your hips on his lap and earning a loud groan from him. You grinned in the kiss but this time, it was you who groaned when he grabbed your waist and made you do that again.

“Don’t stop,” he pleaded, kissing you again and you nodded, matching his movements and finding him hard against your core. You weren’t trying to hold back your noises anymore and neither was he, and you were glad at least one of you had a room all to themself so you could do this without any worries. You gave up on kissing at some point and snaked your hands down his chest to the plane of his stomach, tracing his abs, and then down and down-

“Shall we take this to bed?” San suggested, stifling a groan when your hands played with the waistband of his pants. “You’re not shy anymore.”

You shrugged and he got up, making you wrap yourself around him, giggling as he made his way to your bed, dropping you gently. He caressed your injured leg. “We don’t want you to be uncomfortable, do we?”

You hummed, letting him take your trousers off and he got back on top of you, admiring your body and wondering where to start. You poked his stomach with your toes and he laughed, nuzzling your neck with his nose and you took a moment to memorise how that felt, because…

You felt so, so safe. There were no alarms ringing in your head. There were no sounds alerting you except the sound of his breath or his kisses which relaxed you. There was no sense of rush, for all your talk about ‘being short on time’. You wrapped your arms around him and he was quick to detect the sudden shift in your mood but didn’t say anything. He knew you were figuring it out along the way now, and he was elated that you even gave him a chance to prove that it wasn’t as bad as you thought. He settled next to you, bringing you in his arms and you placed a leg on top of him. His hands went to cup your thigh and your breath hitched at the sensation of his hand so near where you wanted him so, so bad. You fiddled closer and he kissed your head, letting his hands caress your inner thigh.

“Are we good?”

“So good,” you almost moaned, kissing his lips again. You wanted- no, needed him at this point. And you were glad he understood you so well, so when his fingers slid inside your panties, you shuddered against him. He caressed your folds, finding you soaked and kissing you eagerly as he slid his fingers up your wet folds, rubbing your clit once and you moaned into the kiss, pushing your hips against his hand to meet his movements better. He continued like that, just teasing you and kissing all your moans away before he finally slid one finger inside you-

“Fuck,” he groaned in your ear. “You feel so good.”

You didn’t respond, shutting your eyes and letting him continue like that for a while until he slid another finger inside you and you groaned loudly.

“Gosh, you’re perfect,” he met your lips in an open mouthed kiss. “Look at you. All needy for me.”

“You look like you’ve done this before,” you bit your lips, stifling a moan. “You’re pretty good at what you’re doing.”

“Am I?” He grinned, pressing his thumb to your clit and making you squirm. “I think it’s just because I know you so well. I know exactly how to get you riled up, Major.”

You rolled your eyes but when he started to stop teasing and start pleasing, you brought him closer, your kisses messy and needier now as he drove you to the edge and he drew back to watch you fall apart on his fingers, shuddering deeply and out of breath. He peppered kisses on your face as you recovered from your high and you finally opened your eyes.

“Shall I return the favour?”

San raised a brow before it hit him and he groaned. “I don’t think I’ll be able to stop if you decide to touch me tonight, Major.”

“I never asked you to stop-”

“Shh,” he scolded, putting a finger on your lips and you took that chance to kiss it, making him laugh in disbelief. “I don’t want to rush anything with you,” he kissed you deeply. “I will have you soon, I promise that. I should let your leg heal first. I know it still hurts.”

You pouted deeply and he settled next to you, holding you in his arms. “Just let me hold you like this tonight, okay?”

“If that’s what you want,” you said, content to be right there. There was no better feeling than this. “I will have my revenge soon, though.”

“Oh? Is that how it is now?” 

“Yes,” you grinned, “I will settle the score soon.”

San shook his head in amusement and you teased each other for a while, occasionally riling the other up until you both fell asleep in each other’s arms.

—----------------------------

You were starting to understand why people always choose love no matter what their circumstances were. You were starting to understand how they found love even in the darkest of times, because…

Choi San was making sure that you would never feel alone or sad again.

A lot had changed since that night. While working, you two were pretty much the same. He would still rile you up with his bad jokes (were they bad if they did make you crack up later?) and you would still threaten to off him each time. It was very casual like before, yet…

He still refused to get his bandages changed by anyone else and invited himself to your room each morning and night so you could play his nurse. In the mornings since you were short on time and had to get to work, you two would joke around or share a light kiss which was routine now- you still marvelled at how it had become something you could call ‘routine’. But at night…

You asked Major Kang later if he was lonely because his roommate was spending most of his nights in your room. He only laughed in response and said he couldn’t care less because Major Choi annoyed him enough in the day so he could make up for it. You tsk-ed at that, having missed the chance to use that card on San so he could stop coming to your room all the time- surely the others must have noticed now as well. But could you really put all the blame on him when you were just as eager to see him at nights as he was?

Perhaps, you were more to blame. He would come in your room with the excuse of you checking on his wounds, and each time you would end up tracing the scars on his body, kissing some of them and that would turn into a makeout session and more, until you were skin on skin. He would return the favour then- trace your scars but each time with a story-

“I wish I had reacted earlier so you wouldn’t have gotten this.”

“I wish I had been there instead of you.”

You knew that the Major had the softest heart since the beginning, but it still amazed you when he looked at you with such hurt in his eyes, as if it physically pained him to see your body littered with scars. You told him it was okay, that these scars were unavoidable and you didn’t think much of them, but he only responded that he found them beautiful- especially the ones you took for him.

“Oh? Can you count all the ones I took for you?” You had asked.

“I can. I bet you can count all the ones I took for you too,” he responded with a smirk. 

He was right. You could. You had his body memorised since the very beginning- you could trace each of his scars with your eyes shut. You told him that and he was pretty pleased to hear that, attacking you with newfound affection and adoration that sometimes you found overwhelming but loved anyway. Overwhelming only because you had pushed him away all these years and-

And because it reminded you of your parents. 

Your parents had been so much in love. Your mother would wait for the weekends when it was time for your father to visit from the army. She would become a different person in his presence and you had loved that about her. You often resented your mother for breaking apart after your father’s sudden death, but now you were starting to understand what she must have felt because you were sure you would be the same. However… 

She did not possess the power to protect her partner. You did.

You were thinking about that when San nuzzled your cheek and broke you out of your trance. “You’re zoning out, love.”

You realised that you were- you had been staring at the documents in your hands for far too long now. You cleared your throat and started arranging them again so you could get back to the page you had been reading before you got lost in your head. San watched you do so and asked, “Is something bothering you?”

“No, I was just thinking about a few things,” you said, remembering where your train of thoughts started when you found the page. “Look- that’s Agent Golf, right? From Squad 6?”

“Major Lee, yes,”  San scanned the page. “From that damned mission two years ago.”

You recalled that very well- the agents here still referred to that incident because everyone thought it had been a mistake to take an injured agent to the field. Sure, you needed manpower at that time and every soldier counted, but… 

You all could still have avoided Major Lee’s death.

“I don’t remember him much, I’m sure you’ve interacted with him more,” you began and San nodded in agreement, “Was he close to his squad members? Like we are?”

“He was one of the older members,” San recalled. “So I’m sure his juniors depended on him a lot.”

“Did they ever find his body? I remember the funeral but I remember they didn’t find a body.”

“I’ll have to ask Sergeant Kim. What are you thinking?”

“I’m just wondering…” you began, your gut feeling making you confused. “I’m wondering if he is still alive.”

“If he was…” San shifted towards you. “I’m sure someone would have gone to retrieve him or he would have found his way back. It’s been two years.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” you shook your head and put the page back inside the folder. “It’s sad. We don’t even know if he had a family.”

“I’m sure his squad members will be taking care of that,” San placed his hand on your shoulder, rubbing it assuringly. “What’s really bothering you, love?”

You passed him a side-eye as you smiled. He knew you too well. “Nothing. I just don’t like the idea of performing a background check on people we are supposed to trust. I don’t like the idea that there is a rat among us.”

San could understand. “I’m more surprised than mad. I don’t know why anyone would choose to do that- when Eden has destroyed our home and families.”

“Right? I’m trying to look into why anyone would do that in the first place. That way we would be able to narrow down our suspects.”

“And is that why you were looking into Major Lee? Do you think he might be alive?”

“I was probably overthinking,” you sighed, cracking your neck. “I’ll look into the rest later. Do you want some tea? Coffee?”

“Coffee, please,” San said and you nodded, kissing his temple and getting up to go to the kitchen. Today had been a long day and you were getting tired of suspecting everyone around you- at least not your squad. They could never do that. 

You were just mixing up different blends of coffee when you felt arms wrap around your waist and you jumped, making San laugh. “I didn’t even hear you!”

“I wasn’t trying to be silent. You’re too lost in your head tonight,” San kissed the top of your head. “Long day?”

“Since I can’t go to the field for a while, Major Yu is making me do all her paperwork while she goes in my place,” you sighed. “I like being in the field better. I can’t sit at the desk all day.”

“I miss you too,” San muttered and you laughed, trying to grab the sugar pot but San just held you closer, resting his head against yours. “I miss being on the field with you. I had to partner up with Major Yu- she couldn’t stop cracking jokes through the radio- I almost got caught because of her twice.”

“I think that’s how she copes,” you giggled. “And you better be careful. I’m done nursing your wounds.”

“Are you?” San backed away only to stare at you. “Because I distinctly recall you kissing all my wounds a couple nights ago-”

You smacked his chest, asking him to back away if he wanted his coffee, but when he swung you around whilst tickling you, you were positive your laugh must have rang throughout the dorms and you put a hand over your mouth when he placed you on the counter.

“Major Choi San, the entire dorm must have heard my laugh-”

San shut you up with a kiss, catching you by surprise. However, you were quick to melt into it, the butterflies in your stomach wild. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss and when he broke apart, he watched you as you caught your breath, your lashes fluttering while you gazed at his lips- he was driving you insane. 

“You know how much I love it when you laugh, don’t you?”

You sighed internally- the Major was pretty direct with his words and feelings. No beating around the bush- not from him. Sometimes, you appreciated that because he was so clear and straightforward with you, no room left for confusion.

But at times when he said things like these…

San smiled, watching your cheeks get flushed. “You know… I never thought it was that simple to make you blush. With just words. You never blush when we make out or have sex, but…”

“What can I say? I’m not hard to please,” you laughed a bit, burying your face in his neck, still shy from his sudden comment. “Maybe you should have tried that instead of teasing me all this time.”

San hummed in agreement, running his hands down your arms and then snaking them inside your shirt to hold you at your waist. You kissed his neck in response, fisting his shirt and looking up at him. “This needs to go.”

“Oh?” San scoffed. “Not tired anymore, are you?”

“Oh, I still am,” you helped him take off his T-shirt, running your hands across the smooth planes of his chest. “I’m just waiting for you to do something about it.” 

“And? What would you like me to do about it?” San brought his hand up to your face to caress it as he looked at you lovingly, tracing the curves and edges of your face and sliding a thumb across your lips, a faint hint of smirk on his own lips as he slid his thumb inside your mouth. You pretended to bite him, making him grin but then you sucked on it until he looked pleased. He traced it across your lower lip again before kissing you softly.

“Words, love. I need your words.”

“You can do whatever you want to me-”

“That’s pretty vague,” San cocked his head. “I could leave you right here and go back to sleep.”

“Well then,” you huffed. “Why don’t you bend me over and fuck me? Is that what you want to hear?”

“Ah, that’s better,” San started taking off your clothes until you were in your panties only. You watched him take in the sight- he always did that. His eyes would travel everywhere along your body as he ran his rough palms across them, and then he would start kissing your neck, peppering kisses anywhere he liked until you were squirmy and needy for him. It was as if he aimed to please you and you alone- he wouldn’t let you have your way until he was done with you.

You clenched your thighs as he stopped sucking on the crook of your neck and he noticed, raising a brow. “Already needy for me?”

“Do something about it,” you said through gritted teeth and he let his hands run down your sides until he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of your panties. You spread your legs for him, your core throbbing painfully now- and perhaps, he could see it on how you furrowed your brows. San rubbed at your clothed clit and you moaned loudly-

And that was his undoing. He dragged you closer and slid his fingers under your panties, sliding them along your wet folds and sliding his tongue in your mouth simultaneously, making you grip his shoulders as he kissed you. You lifted yourself up so he could take off your panties and he did, bending down to slide them off your legs and gripping your thighs afterwards, spreading them to see the mess he had made-

“In just a few minutes… you really want me that bad?” He commented and you groaned.

“Fuck you.”

“Oh, you will,” he promised, trailing kisses up your thighs and keeping them apart before his lips reached dangerously close to your core. He looked up at you once, settling on his knees before licking up a stripe and you cursed loudly, one hand supporting you up while the other automatically went to grip San’s hair-

Oh, how he loved that. He licked up again before his tongue dived inside you and his thumb started rubbing slow, slow and steady circles on your clit. It was too much and at the same time, it was not enough- you wanted him impossibly closer to you. He was driven by your moans and he was so good at what he was doing. You tried clenching your thighs but he wouldn’t let you. You moaned shamelessly when his nose rubbed against your clit as he shifted his position and at this point, he was practically making out with your clit. 

“San, please,” you begged. “I’m so close.”

He only hummed, inserting a finger inside you- he had done this enough times now to know exactly what drove you to the edge. The combination of his finger inside you, his nose rubbing against your clit and his tongue lapping your juices while he hummed against you drove you to your high and you tugged at his hair as you broke apart, clenching your thighs against his face but he did not stop- he continued with his ministrations until you were spent and you recovered from your orgasm. When he finally looked up at you, he grinned and you chuckled to yourself, running your hands through his hair. He got up and wiped his mouth with his hand.

“You’re delicious.”

“Shut up,” you smacked his chest but he shook his head, capturing your lips in an open mouthed kiss and diving his tongue inside so you could taste yourself on him and the way he kissed you, gripping your neck and hips and scooting you closer so you spread your legs and met his hard bulge made warmth pool in your stomach again for what was in store next.

“I’m nowhere near done, as you can already tell,” he muttered, tucking your hair back before taking out a condom from his pocket and shrugging down his trousers and boxers, his hard length swollen and ready to take you. You licked your lips at the sight and he noticed that, shaking his head in amusement as he pumped himself a few times before wrapping the condom around his length.

“Fuck me, San.”

“What?” 

“Fuck me, Major Choi San,” you said, not a shred of exhaustion in you as you wrapped your legs around his waist and brought him closer, his length wedged between the two of you. “I want you to fuck me right here, hard.”

San growled in your ear, biting your earlobe in response and positioning his cock to meet your wet folds, rubbing it against them a few times before sliding it inside you and you helped position yourself better, letting out a deep breath once he was fully wedged inside you-

And then he pumped himself in you- hard. 

Your eyes rolled back in pleasure and he started pumping his length in and out of you, kissing you anywhere his mouth could meet in between, your hands running across his back, chest, waist, and gripping at his hips. 

“Harder, San. Harder,” you begged. “I don’t want you to be soft this time.”

“Babe, do you want me to break you?” San asked, slowing down.

“Yes,” you breathed, kissing his lips. “Break me.”

San groaned, placing his hand on your neck and pushing you back until you were flat on the counter and you decided you liked this position better already, until-

Until he placed your legs on his shoulders and started pumping into you and your moans got uncontrollably loud, his length hitting you so deep in places you hadn’t discovered earlier.

“You like this, huh?” San groaned. “Want me to use you like a ragdoll?”

You only moaned in response, already close even though he seemed nowhere near done and you wondered if you really should have asked for this- though the pleasure now was nothing like what you had before. He took your hand and placed it on your stomach, pressing it so you could feel him pumping in and out of you, while his other hand remained on your neck, occasionally squeezing it lightly making your walls clench around him uncontrollably. 

“So tight for me,” San grunted, “Always so tight for me.”

“I’m so close-”

As soon as you said that, San squeezed the sides of your neck and pumped deeply into you, making you break apart with a loud moan, the orgasm heightened thanks to his hand on your neck. He continued for a few moments until he, too, groaned loudly and reached his orgasm, shaking as his body rested on top of you. 

You both stayed like that for a few moments with you caressing his head. When he recovered, he started peppering soft kisses all over your face, making you giggle. He drew back to lock eyes with you, and before he could say anything-

“I love you so much.”

His eyes went a little wide at the sudden confession. He smiled, pecking your lips. “I love you too. I’m glad you finally caved in, y/n. I’m glad you’re mine.”

“Hmm, you might need to be a little more convincing…”

San raised a brow, laughing loudly at your suggestion. He snatched a few tissues from the table and started cleaning your thighs.

“Next time you say that you’re tired,” he began. “I’ll understand that you just mean you want to be fucked-”

“San!” You laughed, getting up from the counter and down on the floor, your legs wobbly and you instinctively held on to him.

“You were saying?”

You glared at the man, smacking his chest as you muttered you were going to the shower. He shook his head, deciding to follow you there too.

—----------------------------

“Route 2 is clear, Team 1 please proceed forward,” you said into the radio, switching your position to the other window, making sure Team 1’s exit point was also clear. You heard a ‘copy that’ confirmation and zoomed in on the exit. 

“All clear on the West Exit. Team 2, please report your status?”

“We’re ready,” Major Choi’s voice sounded.

“Copy that. Proceed to the West Exit from Route 4. Team 3, I need confirmation for data retrieval?”

“Data retrieved,” Major Han responded. 

You moved to the other end of the room, signalling Major Yeom to keep watch on the West Exit while you checked Team 3’s route. After confirming a clear path, you called in the radio, “Team 3 towards North Exit- avoid Route 3. I spot movement.”

“Copy that,” Major Han confirmed and you watched for any signs of movement. All seemed clear and you allowed your shoulders to relax a bit, taking a deep breath. You switched positions with Major Yeom again, asking if everything seemed okay and he reported that it did.

“Team 1 has exited,” Sergeant Kim called. 

“Copy that,” you finally spotted Team 2 not far behind, Major Choi and Major Yu walking stealthily towards the gate, the enemy guard having disappeared to switch rotations. You watched them exit and exhaled another breath of relief.

“I’m spotting movement on the North Exit,” Major Yeom called and you waited until Team 2 was safely outside and signalled their exit before joining Major Yeom across the room. You zoomed in with your binoculars and indeed, three guards seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. You frowned, “Where did they come from?”

“I spotted them around that building,” Major Yeom pointed, turning on his radio and you nodded. He called, “Team 3, please halt. Proceed to find shelter- movement spotted near the North Exit at your 10 o’clock.”

“Copy that,” Major CJ answered. Major Yeom alerted the Squad 6 members waiting for Team 3 at the North Exit and you dared to ask him something.

“How has your squad been holding up after Agent Oscar?”

Major Yeom slowly brought the binoculars down, glancing at you for a moment. “Uh… we’re holding up okay, for the most part. It’s not the first time this happened after all.”

You felt a sharp sting at his words but you knew what he meant. He was probably talking about the past members such as Major Lee and the others. “I know. Somehow… you get used to being okay. You just have to be.”

“Yeah…” Major Yeom switched his binoculars. “You… you saved Agent Bravo, right?”

“Agent Oscar too,” you pointed out, sparing him a glance. “Before the enemy fired and we lost Oscar. He wasn’t in the best state anyway- I think he lost his leg.”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you think they do to you when they capture you, Major?” You asked, not waiting for his response as you guided Team 3 to switch buildings. “Agent Oscar was unfortunate enough to be questioned by the enemy. They were getting answers out of him when we arrived- Major Choi and I.”

“I… I did not know that,” Major Yeom sighed. 

“Team 3?” You called into the radio. “I think you have a tail.”

“Shall we split?” Major CJ asked.

“No, it’s better to stick together,” you answered, asking Major Yeom to guide Team 3 to the North Exit or steer them towards the West Exit while you went to the other corner of the room and took out the radio meant for you and the Sergeant only.

“Sergeant?”

“I’m here,” Sergeant Kim sounded grim already. “Team 3 has a tail?”

“You’re thinking what I’m thinking?” You asked, making sure to keep your voice low.

“I’m going to inspect everyone who’s back. I don’t care anymore,” Sergeant Kim began but you bit your lips in thought.

“Wait- not yet,” you told him. “It would make it too obvious. Let’s wait until we get back and we’ll see what we have to do.”

Sergeant Kim did not respond for a few seconds but then he gave you an okay and you went back to join Major Yeom. The Team was being guided to the North Exit now and you resorted to watching Major Yeom plan out a new route. You occasionally quipped in and it took another half an hour for Team 3 to make a safe exit at north and you finally sat down and drank water.

“Good job, Major,” you said and he passed a smile, nodding. “I’m wondering why they were being tailed. Nobody spotted them during the mission.”

“Maybe they watched and decided to confront them later,” Major Yeom shrugged and you agreed, though you highly doubted that. You both packed your gear and started to exit out of the building, going inside the basement and walking in silence along the path that connected to a building right outside the West Exit. Bumping fists with the Major after making it through, you walked to your car where Sergeant Kim awaited, looking-

“Very grumpy. You’re making it too obvious.”

“I can’t help it,” he said. “There is a rat in our base who knew we were going to be here today. Who knew exactly what our plan was.”

“Let’s talk about it when we get back,” you whispered, patting his arm and going to Major Choi who was waving at you, looking rather cheerful.

“What’s got you in a good mood today?”

“Ask her,” San pointed at Major Yu who was in a heated discussion with Major Kang. You stood next to San, listening to their discussion and smacking San’s thigh when he tried holding your hand. 

“-so I asked my husband if he could really get me some tickets to the festival. And he’s such a sweetheart- it was tough but he managed to get exactly 7 tickets for the 7 of us!” Major Yu grinned. “So we’re scheduling our vacation next month and all going to Sector 6. I don’t care if you have to go see your families or friends- you all are coming with me to Sector 6 first before you go home.”

Major Kang got up and saluted her dramatically, making everyone laugh. You looked at San who already had a shit-eating grin on his face. You leaned closer, “I know what’s going on in your head right now. Cleanse your brain.”

“Not a chance,” he blew a kiss and you swatted it, making a face, Major Kang noticing and pretending to throw up. Sergeant Kim ordered everyone to get inside the car and you began your way back to the base. During the ride, you kept replaying the events of this mission in your head, wondering how the enemy knew exactly where Team 3 was. There had to be someone who told the enemy about the mission and you felt nauseous at the thought that it could be someone you knew.

You met up with Major CJ and Major Han when you got back to the base and found them just as confused as you. Sergeant Kim was wise enough to not let the confusion spread any further, calling them in his office for individual reports. Meanwhile, San and you casually moved to a corner and he asked you what was up.

“Our mission almost got compromised today, San,” you admitted and he frowned. “Team 3 got a tail right when they were about to exit- we had to reroute them. Someone knew Team 3’s exact location, our routes, our exit points. We’ve been compromised, San. And I’m wondering how long this has been going- if we really could have saved more people had we found out earlier.”

San pursed his lips in thought. “Does Sergeant Kim know?” 

“Yeah, he caught on just as I did,” you nodded. “We need to do something about this before they retaliate, the enemy. Because if they’ve been gathering information so far… I think they’ll strike soon, and it’s making me so worried-”

“Shh, it’s okay,” San came forward and wrapped you in a hug, not caring if anyone saw. You didn’t care either, simply relaxing in his arms. “We’ll figure it out together, okay? I think today’s mission might have narrowed our suspect list- this mission was supposed to be known only to a selected few.”

“I hope so,” you drew back. 

“Let’s go eat dinner before Sergeant Kim calls for us,” San suggested and you agreed, not really talking much and San let you sort your thoughts out while you ate. It was the Sergeant himself who found you both in the dining hall and the three of you decided to go to your room.

Sergeant Kim looked around a bit before settling on the couch beside San who had already made himself home on the other end. Sergeant Kim narrowed his eyes at him, “You look too comfortable here.”

“Ah, it must be your first time here, huh?” San scoffed. “Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Choi’s residence-”

“What did you gather from Team 3’s report?” You interrupted, having brought the documents Sergeant Kim had handed you a few days earlier and joining the two, dragging a chair to sit across them. 

“Nothing much,” the Sergeant replied and you noticed San sulking at the way the two of you had ignored him completely. You shrugged at him as if to say ‘did you expect anything else?’. “They are pretty sure no one spotted them during the mission. Did you see anything suspicious while you kept watch?”

“Nothing until Team 3’s exit,” you told him. “The guards started moving towards where they were all of a sudden as if they knew. Major Yeom guided the team out for the most part.”

“Okay, so here’s the thing,” Sergeant Kim started spreading the pages on the table while he continued. “I don’t think there’s a pattern yet, but I think it’s safe to say that if there’s a rat and they’ve been watching our movements, they’re done simply watching. They’re retaliating. And we know that because in the past 4 months, our success rate has significantly dropped- and I’m not talking about the book definition of success.”

“You’re talking about the agents we’ve lost,” San said.

“That’s right,” the Sergeant nodded. “What do you think?”

You took a deep breath. “With both these missions, we were compromised on one of the routes known only within the base, right? With Squad 7 guiding us back at the base, and the rest of us in the field. Can we narrow it down somehow?”

“I have a feeling today didn’t go like they expected,” Sergeant Kim admitted. “If they tailed Team 3, they must have tried to accomplish something, right? What did they get accomplished though? Nothing. I think today is the first time they failed. In which case…”

“In which case they might retaliate,” you completed and he nodded, grim. “What changed today?”

“We can omit Squad 5 from the list of suspects, I think,” he answered. “That leaves us with our squad and Squad 6. I don’t think we should suspect Squad 7- if there’s a rat in there, they would find out themselves. It’s not like they were guiding us today either.”

“I really don’t think it’s someone from our squad,” San quipped in and you agreed.

“Squad 6, huh?” Sergeant Kim looked at the pages spread across the table- information of the current and former members of the squad. He picked Major Yeom’s page to get a closer look. “Did he know you were joining him today? At the station?”

“It was a last minute thing for me too, no one did,” you told him. “Do you think Major Yeom could be the rat?”

“Even if he is… who is he reporting to? Is it someone in the base or someone outside?” Sergeant Kim sighed. “And can we really suspect Major Yeom? What about the others? One of them made a pretty stupid mistake in our previous mission, if I recall.”

“Plus, Major Yeom is the one who eventually guided Team 3 safely outside,” you glanced at San. “You’re friends with a few from Squad 6, right? Anyone exhibiting strange behaviour after our previous mission?”

“Not really, no,” San shook his head, leaning forward. “I don’t think us sitting and drawing conclusions like this will yield any results. We need to conduct a proper investigation into this before something worse happens. We should alert the Lieutenant.”

“I would have alerted him already had I secured some solid evidence. There’s no pattern yet and we’re trusting our guts. As much as I trust my gut and you both, I can’t simply go with that to the Lieutenant,” Sergeant Kim sighed loudly before slumping back and you made a face. 

“We have to follow protocol, huh?” San sighed too.

“The protocol sucks,” you groaned. “I’ll conduct my own investigation. Major Yeom did not know what state Agent Oscar had been in when we retrieved him- before we lost him. Why was he not aware? Do the rest know?”

“My job was to convey information to Sergeant Park,” Sergeant Kim raised a brow as he thought. “I don’t think he did that on purpose though.

“Ah. I forgot Sergeant Park is literally your best friend-”

“No, that’s not it,” Sergeant Kim laughed. “He must have told them that Oscar was held hostage and questioned before you retrieved him. Maybe he didn’t go into the details.”

“Maybe Major Yeom lied,” San pouted. “I trust Sergeant Park for some reason.”

“You trust everyone,” you retorted and San sulked further, sinking down into the couch. “Come on, Sergeant, we need to make a decision.”

“Let’s start with Squad 6- I’ll talk with Sergeant Park,” he decided. “He must be suspicious too with how things have been recently. But you two… try not to make it too obvious, okay?”

You and San burst into a chorus of ‘as if’ and ‘you’re the most obvious one’ and Sergeant Kim decided to see himself out. You started gathering the documents, glancing once more at Major Yeom’s file. San gave your shoulder a comforting squeeze and you decided to trust your captain, relaxing into San’s touch.

—-------------------------

The sound of the alarm ringing loudly enough to wake the dead up had to be the most horrible sound you had ever heard in your life.

It had only played once before and it was a memory you wished you would forget- even now, for a few moments, you remained in your bed blinking and wondering if you were dreaming. It wasn’t until you heard the radio announcement that you got up abruptly and moved to grab your bulletproof vest and jacket, grabbing every weapon you had in your room, because-

The base was under attack.

It had only been a mere two days since your last mission, since Sergeant Kim and Park started investigating their squad members in secret. You wondered if it was somehow linked to their investigation- it had to be. As soon as you were prepared, you went outside, greeted by the rush of soldiers donning their jackets or loading their weapons. Amidst all the chaos, you spotted San and rushed towards him, holding his hand and squeezing it.

“Oh, you’re here,” he gave you a brief hug. “You’re thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yeah, we need to find Sergeant Kim or Sergeant Park,” you said and he nodded, looking around once and dragging you into a corner. 

“Listen- I just asked and it’s not looking good. The enemy chose a direct attack this time and the Left Wing is compromised already. How’s your leg?”

“It’s good, San, don’t worry,” you assured him, and it was the truth. “There was a reason I joined the previous mission. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I can’t help it,” he smiled, kissing your forehead. “Let’s go then. We have no time to waste.”

You nodded and the two of you started asking around for Sergeant Kim, knowing he wouldn’t be in his office but out fighting. Major Han spotted you both and dragged you to the weapons room-

“I’ve been charged with making sure you gear up like proper soldiers, and for exactly this reason,” she shook her head at the lack of helmet and equipment. “Sergeant Kim has put me in charge of leading our squad in his absence, so turn on your radios and follow me. The rest are waiting with him.”

You and San stifled your scoffs and wore the helmets, Major Han slapping you both on the neck and checking your gear, inquiring about your leg. She sighed, “We’ve already reported three casualties on the Left Wing. We will be in charge of driving them out, understood? Follow me.”

Your blood boiled at the number and you gripped your sniper as you made way to the Right Wing- the exit that your squad frequently used. As you reached closer, the sound of gunshots and soldiers shouting got louder. You spotted your members and Squad 6 ready and waiting, the Sergeants in a corner talking in hushed voices. As soon as Sergeant Kim spotted you both, he signalled and you both joined him.

“We’re waiting for orders from the Lieutenant before we go to help at the Left Wing- but I’m going to task you both for another mission. Sergeant Park?”

Sergeant Park nodded. “Major Yeom is missing. We have high suspicions to believe that he is the one who has been updating the enemy. He must have left earlier to either join them or hide. I need you both to find him and bring him back alive, is that understood?”

“Yes, Sergeant!” you both nodded. 

“I’m not entrusting my squad because of obvious reasons and sympathy factor, but Sergeant Kim here says you both are perfect for the job. Prove it.”

“And please stay safe, both of you,” Sergeant Kim huffed. “Don’t give me another heart attack. My lifespan has already decreased a good amount thanks to the two of you.”

San stifled a grin and you asked, “Do you have any suspects for who exactly Major Yeom might be providing information too? Or did you ever find out information on the man with the tattoo?” You recalled the man you had encountered while saving Agent Oscar.

“We believe it might be a group within the enemy, one specified to be spies,” Sergeant Kim said. “We haven’t seen it before, so we can’t say much. It’s only speculation.”

“Understood. We’ll take our leave then,” you said and the Sergeants nodded, making sure you had enough weapons before instructing you to find Squad 4 in the control room and start from there. You stayed on your toes the entire time, scanning everyone who crossed your path, looking for signs of anything suspicious because if Major Yeom had defected…

There could very well be others. 

You reached the control room and the Sergeant let you in, already having heard from Sergeant Kim and Park. He guided you both to the CCTVs and you got a good look at what was going on- the soldiers were still fighting against the enemy at the Left Wing and the enemy was trying to push its way inside or circle around to the Right Wing. It looked ugly. San went to monitor what was happening inside and for a while you both stood observing the base until San spotted a few of the enemy soldiers squeezing their way inside. The Sergeant immediately alerted Squad 5 to take care of it and you both decided to check the unmonitored rooms for Major Yeom. 

“Shall we check the basement first? Or keep it for the end?” You asked.

“The basement can be accessed from outside too, right?” San asked, pausing to think. “Shall we look at the dorms first? Divide and conquer?”

“Sure,” you nodded, getting anxious. You were short on time- you needed to join your squad back at the Right Wing too. “Check the dorms first, meet outside. And then the offices, the weapon rooms, and let’s go to the basement together after?”

“Sure. you take the offices, I’ll take the weapon rooms,” San said and you both agreed, splitting immediately after connecting your radios.

About an hour passed by as you checked each level, meeting by the staircase with a confirmation of ‘all clear’. You found nothing and San informed Sergeant Kim about going to check the basement. Sergeant Kim told him to make it quick and meet him at the Right Wing. 

As the two of you descended into the eerie silence of the basement, a part of you wondered if this search was just a waste of time- why would Major Yeom be in the basement? He could have exited amidst this chaos at any time- or done whatever he needed to. The basement only contained storage rooms with the archives and some exit routes- but exit routes were more easily accessible on the ground level, so why would the enemy be there?

“You take the right side, I’ll take the left,” San said when you reached down. You nodded and patted his arm before parting ways, aiming your gun as you started checking the rooms- empty, empty, yet another empty room-

And then the sound of footsteps that did not belong to San.

You hid behind a shelf, trying to calculate the distance- it seemed like the person was going further away from you. You dared to take a peak and frowned at the sight of someone in the same uniform as yours, walking at high alert with their gun aimed and ready-

It was Squad 6’s badge. It had to be Major Yeom.

You started following him silently, not even daring to breathe any louder than necessary, and when the Major went inside one of the rooms, you quickened your pace and took a look inside that room-

He was alone and it looked like he was looking for something. He was searching through the files- for what?

You took a deep breath and entered the room with your gun pointed at the Major. “Hands up, drop your weapons, now.”

The Major froze, glancing at you once, not daring to turn. “Major Seo. I can explain-”

“Drop your weapons, now,” you seethed, stepping closer as he dropped his gun to the ground, the metal meeting the floor with a clang. You buried the muzzle of your gun in his back before ordering him to exit the room. The Major knew better than to disobey you and took slow and steady footsteps as per your instructions until you had him pinned to the wall so you could signal San.

“Charlie, I’ve got the mole,” you said into the radio, waiting for a response but when 10 seconds passed and you got none, you grabbed the Major’s collar and started steering him to the direction San had gone into earlier.

“Charlie? I need a response,” you called, panic starting to bubble in your heart. “Charlie, this is Echo, can you hear me?”

You wondered if his silence was because he found something or was in a situation where he needed to be silent- you simply prayed it was only that. However, having scoured the basement and finding no signs of San, you slammed the Major against the wall and dug your gun in his back. “Who was with you here?”

“No one-”

“Choose your answer carefully, I will not hesitate to shoot you down,” you warned and the Major scoffed. 

“I bet Sergeant Park wants me back alive.”

“He never said anything about you being unharmed, though,” you started dragging your gun down his thigh and Major Yeom groaned.

“Fine, there is someone. You should check the exit.”

“Take the lead,” you gave him space to walk, still holding him by his collar as he led you to the room at the other end of the basement- a storage room with one of its bookshelves now pushed away from the wall, behind which a door was slightly ajar.

“What were you trying to find in the archives?” You asked, nudging him to go ahead inside the passage. 

“I don’t know-”

“Like hell you don’t,” you entered the path, the smell of damp mud hitting you right away and you turned on the light on your helmet.

“I was only instructed to retrieve a specific document, which wasn’t even present there,” Major Yeom clicked his tongue in disappointment. “Look, I’ve got nothing against you- I know you’re following orders. But you really shouldn’t go to the end of this path.”

You didn’t stop walking. “I need to find Major Choi.”

“If he’s got Major Choi, you can forget about him-”

That was your last straw- you slammed the Major into the wall and dug your arm into his neck, your hand almost shaking as you pointed the gun at his temple. “Who?”

Major Yeom tried retaliating but you were quicker and you kicked his ankle harshly, effectively making him drop to his knees as you pointed your gun at his head. “I’ve had enough- your colleagues are dying out there fighting the enemy, Major Yeom. Just what have you gotten yourself into?”

“Are you sure they’re the enemy? Eden? We haven’t been saints either,” he scoffed, spitting on the ground. “You talk about principles and morals but where were your morals when you abandoned your colleagues when some mission went wrong, huh?”

Your heart sank. “If this is about Oscar, I did not abandon him-”

“Not him,” he shook his head. “The others. You and Major Choi… you go back for each other, disobeying every protocol and you get an applause. Why did no one go back for Major Lee?”

You frowned. “I’m pretty sure Sergeant Park eventually went back for him. As for Major Choi and I… you don’t know anything.”

“Sergeant Park never went back for him- or if he did, he didn’t try hard enough. Do you have any idea what they did to Major Lee?”

“Major Lee is dead,” you almost cried. “Forget about the past- why are you doing this now, huh? Who’s ordering you?”

“He’s not dead-”

“Stand back and drop your weapons, now.”

You froze- how did you not hear someone coming when even your hushed voices were echoing? Was the person already present and listening to your conversation? With the feeling of dread clouding your mind, you took a step back from Major Yeom and glanced up-

To see a masked man holding San at gunpoint.

And fortunately enough, Major Yeom took your stepping back as a sign to stand up and you did the first thing you thought sensible- mirror that masked man and hold Major Yeom at gunpoint. Major Yeom groaned as the muzzle of your gun buried painfully in his temple but you ignored it and glared at the man, trying not to meet eyes with San.

“So you’re the one who’s been ordering Major Yeom around, huh?” You asked. “Let go of Major Choi and I’ll let go of your man.”

The man’s deep laugh echoed through the passage. “Not that simple. You will obey every order I give you or else your Major Choi won’t live to see the sunrise.”

Something shattered in you at that moment as you recalled San’s words- “I wish to see the rest of my sunrises with you”. You finally dared to look at San, now rid of his helmet with a few bruises across his face. He shook his head subtly as if to say ‘do what you’re being told’ but you remained frozen in your spot.

“Take off your helmet. Let me see who you are,” the man ordered. You kept ahold of Major Yeom and removed your helmet, your jaw clenched painfully. You aimed the gun back at the Major and the man shook his head. 

“Drop your weapon and step away from him, Major Seo.”

Once again, you were surprised- just who was he? He must have seen the confusion on your face and he finally removed his mask-

It was Major Lee.

“Why?” was all you could ask. Major Lee only shook his head.

“You will not understand how it is like to be abandoned by your own people. And for what? For nothing,” he tsk-ed. “Do you remember that mission, Major? Do you remember how we marched into the enemy territory because we were going to retrieve stolen data? There was no stolen data,-”

“Major Lee, please listen to me,” you pleaded. “We’re soldiers. We obey orders. It is not our duty to question it- we’re only given orders. We don’t even know what we retrieve, you may be right, but… if you have a problem with it, you should take it to the Headquarters or I don’t know… the General, the higher-ups, anyone but us. So please let go of Major Choi, at least. Your fight is not with us.”

“You will let go of Major Yeom and step back,” his voice was cold and you shut your eyes in defeat. “And then I will decide what to do with Major Choi.”

“Major Lee-”

“Now!” He hit San with the grip of his gun on his forehead, instantly making you drop your gun with an ‘okay, okay!’ and you took a few steps back until Major Lee grunted in approval. “Kneel and face backwards.”

“Please let go of Major Choi-”

“Don’t make me do something you will regret,” he warned. “I will let go of him, but not right now. Kneel and face backwards- and you will count 100 seconds before you take one step. If I hear you, he dies, understood?”

You nodded through tears, looking at San once who only passed you a reassuring smile. You did as you were told and counted 1, hearing the footsteps fade and by the time you counted to 100, you had stopped sobbing and instead, anger- hot, boiling hot anger clouded all sense of rationality. You stood up and grabbed your gun and began running towards where they had taken Major Choi, praying he was okay all the while. But you reached the end of the passage which exited near the Right Wing and found no signs of Major Yeom and Major Lee. 

No signs of Choi San.

You took a deep breath, surveying the area- you could hear the sounds of a fight to your left so you reckoned Major Lee must have avoided that and gone in the opposite direction. You started marching to your right, taking out the radio that connected you to Sergeant Kim.

“Alpha, this is Echo, please respond. Alpha?”

You continued treading along the building for a few seconds which was when your radio sounded. “Alpha responding.”

“The mole and the rat have escaped with Charlie. I am going to retrieve Charlie. Awaiting no further orders.”

“Echo, halt where you are. I will join you-”

“I do not have the time, Sergeant,” you seethed into the radio, ditching all formalities. “They took him, okay? Major Lee took him and he feels betrayed by all of us. I don’t know what he will do to him, I need to save him.”

There was a few seconds of silence and you spotted movement towards the gate- two or three figures. It had to be them. You started running towards them, hearing the sound of a jeep in the distance and you ran faster, trying to make it in time but you would never make it- you took off the sniper from your shoulder and started shooting towards the men getting in the car but it was no use- you were too far away. The jeep took off, leaving you all alone in the middle of the abandoned post and you fell to your knees, trying to control your unsteady breathing and shake off the ringing in your ears realising later that Sergeant Kim was repeatedly calling your name into the radio.

“They got away,” you breathed, unable to control your sobs this time. “They’ve taken him.”

“Where are you?”

“The abandoned post,” you looked around. “I need to go-”

“Stay where you are,” he ordered. “I’m coming to get you. The fight is almost over anyway.”

You buried your head in your arms as you knelt on the ground, your mind already hyperfunctioning as it planned all possible routes they could have taken, all possible spots they could be going to. All you knew was you would have to go to Eden all alone and retrieve him at all costs. But you couldn’t help the fear and the dread, because something like this had never happened- not to him, at least. You had been taken by force once and San had disobeyed all orders and marched into the enemy territory to retrieve you-

And you would do the same for him. 

You did not realise how long you spent kneeling and planning through the utter pain of processing just what happened and the fear for San’s life when you heard a number of footsteps and you finally looked up to see not only Sergeant Kim but Major CJ and Major Yu.

“Oh, dear,” Major Yu shook her head at your state and knelt down, enveloping you in a hug. “It’s going to be okay. We will go back for him, okay?”

You nodded, breaking away and looking at Sergeant Kim who looked like he could pass out right there. “It’s Major Lee- I spotted his tattoo too, on the wrist. He’s the one who’s been sabotaging our missions, and I don’t know what he’s planning to do now. He said something about how our missions are baseless or something, I don’t know,” you sighed. “He has a problem with how things are being run. And now he’s taking it out on us.”

“I have a problem with how things are run here too,” Sergeant Kim sounded pissed. “But that does not mean I betray my people and side with the enemy for some petty revenge- even if something happens. We will go back for Major Choi, okay? But first you need to come back and plan-”

“I have no time to waste,” you shook your head fiercely. “You can join me later or not at all, for all I care, but I am leaving right now. I just need more weapons and I’m good-”

“Major Seo-”

“I cannot let anything happen to him!” You almost shouted, looking at Major Yu or Major CJ for help- surely they understood. “I finally, finally learned to live with myself and learned to function like a normal human being, I…” you breathed. “You know me, Sergeant. You know that I cannot live without him- I- “ you laughed at the irony of the situation. “I swore to never be like my mother but here I am.”

Major CJ turned as if to process what was happening and realisation dawned on Major Yu’s face. Sergeant Kim knelt down next to you. “You’re the strongest person I know here, Major. But please, think with your head for once. Come back with me, gear up properly, plan this and then leave-”

“You can do all of that and join me later,” you gave the final verdict. “I am leaving right now- keep me updated on the radio. And give me all of your bullets and weapons, dammit.”

Major CJ sighed. “Let me come with you. You don’t have to do this alone.”

Sergeant Kim groaned. “You think I don’t want to save him? I have to follow protocol- I cannot allow two of you to disappear-”

“It doesn’t matter anymore- someone needs to keep her grounded, and I can do that,” Major CJ offered you a hand and you smiled, taking it. “You can both give us your weapons and go back to the base, prepare and follow us right after. It shouldn’t be a problem anymore.”

Sergeant Kim considered for a few seconds before finally giving in, taking out his guns and daggers and Major Yu did the same. You both docked yourselves up and made sure everything was working.

“This is the last time I’m allowing this,” Sergeant Kim warned and you rolled your eyes. “Bring that brat back. And both of you… don’t get hurt. That is an order- come back alive.”

“Yes, Sergeant!” You both saluted and he told you both to hurry on, calling in the radio to order a car for you two. You looked ahead at the horizon, the sky already starting to lighten.

You prayed you would watch the sunrise once again and got in the car.

—---------------------------

Major CJ was proving to be quite the strategist. He was keeping the mood light, probably because you appeared tense enough to make up for him too, and you had to stop and appreciate him at one point, which he just shyly dismissed.

“I really don’t think a defected soldier will have much influence around there, so if they allowed Major Lee in the enemy base in Sector 1… that’s the only place he might go if he’s still working with them. Even if he’s not, Sector 1 is a pretty good place to start-”

“Stop calling him ‘Major’,” you growled. “Call him the motherfu-”

“-until we get some visual or locate Major Choi by some miracle,” Major CJ finished saying. “And stop being angry- it’s only going to cloud your decisions.”

“Oh no, not me,” you scoffed. “Anger fuels me and keeps me alive.”

“Whatever helps you,” Major CJ passed you a weird look.

You were both in Sector 1 now, going through the connected passages just like you had on your previous mission here. You could spot the enemy base now and you prayed Major CJ’s instinct was correct- San had to be there. 

“Do you think we should negotiate with Major Lee or just… go berserk?” Major CJ asked and when the radio responded before you, you realised he had asked the Sergeant too.

“Let Major Seo do whatever she wishes,” the Sergeant sighed loudly. “I’ll leave my post once she’s back. She should be the Sergeant since she can make all her decisions herself now-”

“Oh, please, I would not have waited for you back there if that was the case,” you muttered. “Don’t fuel me any further right now, Captain.”

“Whatever. Try to negotiate first and see if you can get him to come back.”

“Permission to shoot otherwise? If things don’t look bright?”

“In case he tries to harm any of you, permission to shoot is granted,” Sergeant Park’s voice sounded. “For Major Yeom too. He is a defected soldier- his case must be handled differently from Major Lee because we thought him dead.”

“Copy that,” Major CJ responded. “Stepping within a 2 mile radius into the enemy base… now.”

You took the lead, Major CJ providing cover and you couldn’t help but be reminded of San. Gritting your teeth and steeling your nerves, you loaded your guns and went into stealth mode-

And all hell went loose.

Major CJ was strong in every sense- he naturally took the lead as you eliminated guard after guard, forcing your way inside through a back door. And unsurprisingly, Major CJ was depending on his fists more in close combat and you would finish it off with bullets. You wondered if you two were syncing better because you were both fueled with the same purpose- to retrieve Major Choi.

“To the basement,” you motioned towards the stairs. “They keep the hostages there unless they’re being questioned.”

“They should have changed locations by now,” Major CJ flexed his arms, having suffocated one of the soldiers. “If Major Lee is in there… he’s pretty fucking stupid.”

You grinned, covering for him as you both went downstairs, this time shelling the guards first before gunning them down. You told Major CJ to hold his own while you checked the rooms, finding one empty room after another-

Nothing. He wasn’t in the basement.

With pure adrenaline fuelling you now, you lead Major CJ upstairs to the same level you had found Agent Oscar on, shooting in succession at anyone who dared to cross your path, not caring if you hit a vital spot anymore- they had done enough damage tonight too. You hurried along the corridor towards the rooms at the end and spotted San tied to a chair, his head hanging down. You almost stepped inside the room but paused-

There had to be someone else in the room.

You glanced at Major CJ and nodded before pushing the door open with your foot and as soon as you spotted movement against the wall, you pointed your gun in that direction and shot at the lower region, successfully hitting Major Yeom in the thigh who shot reflexively at you in return but he was slower- you kicked his gun away and held him at gunpoint once again.

“That was quick,” he seethed through the pain.

“You took my partner, of course I was quick,” you hit his head with the grip of your gun, making him groan louder. “Where’s that bastard?”

“He knew you would come here,” Major Yeom spat. “He’s got plans for you-”

“Oh no, he hasn’t,” you grinned. “Major Lee got some abandonment issues, huh? He must have thought no one would come back for Major Choi. But did he ever think our squads would retaliate against his actions? Your colleagues will be joining soon, Major.”

Major Yeom paled. “They wouldn’t have allowed you to-”

“That’s the thing- Major Lee made it pretty clear what he was expecting, and all we had to do was the opposite. Sergeant Park is not pleased at two of his members defecting. You do know how he gets when he’s angry, right? He’s on his way here right now, so I’ll let him take care of you.”

Major CJ joined and told you that the rest of the members were already here. You allowed yourself to relax while he took care of Major Yeom and you walked to San, untying the ropes on his wrists and kissing his knuckles.

“Major Choi. Can you hear me?”

He did not respond. You figured he must have been drugged to unconsciousness. You held his face, tucking his hair back and examining the bruises there and then the rest of his body- at least he was unharmed. You bent down and with the help of Major CJ, you propped his body on your back, deciding to carry him out while Major CJ provided cover. A sense of relief started to wash over you as you made your way out, your members and Squad 6’s members passing smiles because as Sergeant Kim said when he joined you on this mission, some protocols really needed to change. It was high time and considering how Major Lee felt about his situation and Major Yeom joined him, they must have felt abandoned- perhaps for the right reasons. You had often felt that too, though you were lucky enough to have San as your partner who always had your back and broke protocols and disobeyed orders again and again for you. And the thought scared you- that if not for him, you might have turned into Major Lee too.

You exited the base and hopped into the car waiting for you, Major CJ helping you lay him down across the seat and you checked San’s pulse and monitored his breathing- he was okay. 

Major CJ said he was going to help the rest and left you and San alone in the car. The adrenaline started to wear off and with trembling hands, you examined the rest of his body for any signs of injuries, finding none and relaxing once again, resting your head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat while you waited for him to wake up. You shut your eyes, not sure if the sound in your ears was the sound of San’s heart or your own. 

You didn’t realise how tired you were until you felt a hand caress your head, tucking your hair behind your ears. You found yourself unable to open your eyes, a stream of fresh tears falling down on San’s jacket. His warm fingers wiped the tears away, caressing your cheek softly. 

“Won’t you look at me?”

You only buried your face in his chest, silently crying. San let you be for a few moments before he couldn’t take it anymore and nudged you to face him, seating himself up. You finally opened your eyes and let out a relieved laugh. San smiled in response, wiping your face with his sleeve. 

“You have no idea how much it hurts me to see you cry.”

“I’m crying because of you,” you said, sniffing. “Do you have any idea how scared I was?”

“I’m sorry,” he kissed your forehead, lingering. “I’m so sorry-”

“No, it’s not your fault,” you told him, cupping his face. “I’m just so glad that you’re okay, so glad,” you said, pecking his lips. “I was so scared-”

San captured your mouth in a kiss as a form of an apology and you took it, letting his hand guide you as he deepened the kiss. You fisted his shirt in one hand, the other finding his and intertwining with it. San broke away, your breaths lingering and you reached in to hug him, burying your face in the crook of his neck- your favourite spot. San caressed your back, holding you as close as he could. 

“You came back for me, huh?” San shook his head at the insanity of it. “Do you realise just what you did? Did you march here alone?”

“I almost did, but CJ joined and then the rest did- even Squad 6,” you told him, breaking away so you could look at him. “Captain wouldn’t let me go alone.”

“He’s always like this,” San laughed. “But you- you shouldn’t have been so reckless-”

“Says who? At least I had the others join later. You marched into enemy base alone to get me back 3 years ago-”

“That was different-”

“Yes, but that was more reckless,” you slapped his arm. “And anyways, I would have done this for you. You know I would have come for you. It’s a miracle I found you this quick.”

San caressed your face. “Even if we were not… like this?”

“We’ve always been in love, though,” you said and San caught your confession in it. “And I have realised now… love is supposed to be a strength, not a weakness.”

San glanced outside, the sky glowing a beautiful pastel now and spotted the Sergeants collecting their members and arresting Major Lee and Major Yeom. When you counted the rest of your members, all safe and sound, you relaxed into San’s arms. The enemy was stupid to attack your base- of course you would have retaliated. San kissed your forehead. “We lived to see the sunrise yet again.”

“I wish to see the rest of my sunrises with you too,” you said and San smiled. You sealed that promise with a kiss.

To a better future. 

[iamgonnagetyouback]

james potter x blacksister!reader who breaks down in front of him

The halls of Hogwarts were silent this time of night, the only sound the occasional creak of floorboards or the soft wind brushing against the stone walls outside. James Potter had been patrolling—another night of prefect duty—when he saw a figure slumped near a window, head in their hands.

He wouldn’t have paid much attention, probably would’ve assumed it was someone sneaking out past curfew, but the gleam of dark hair caught his eye. He stopped, his heart sinking. It was you.

You and James weren’t friends. In fact, you weren’t friends with anyone, really, except your own family and some Slytherins like Barty, Evan and Pandora. Most people knew to keep their distance from the Black siblings, pure-blooded and cold. You walked with your chin high, always distant and aloof, like you didn’t care about the world around you.

But now, huddled near the window, your shoulders shook with quiet sobs. James hesitated, unsure if he should leave or approach. He wasn’t used to seeing you like this—broken.

Slowly, he stepped forward. “Hey…”

You didn’t respond. Your sobs didn’t falter, and he suddenly felt out of place. He wasn’t supposed to see this—wasn’t supposed to see you like this. But something inside him couldn’t just walk away.

“Black?” His voice was softer this time, unsure, but you still didn’t move. He took another step closer, and that’s when you finally looked up, eyes red and puffy. There was a desperation in your gaze that caught him off guard, and before he could say anything, you shook your head.

“Please…” your voice was hoarse, a whispered plea. “Don’t look at me.”

James froze. He’d seen people cry before, but never like this. Never someone so proud, so unbreakable, shatter in front of him.

You wiped your face quickly, trying to compose yourself, but it was no use. Your mask had already crumbled. You knew James could see everything now—the pain, the hurt, the cracks in the perfect image of the Black family. And for some reason, that made it worse. He wasn’t supposed to see you like this. No one was.

“Look, I didn’t mean to—” he began, but you cut him off.

“Just… don’t,” you choked out, voice shaky. “Please.”

James swallowed hard, guilt flooding him. He could leave, give you your space like you asked, but something in his gut told him that’s not what you really needed.

“What happened?” he asked softly.

You stiffened, staring down at your hands, the silence stretching unbearably. James was about to give up when you finally spoke, your voice barely audible.

“Sirius… he ran away.”

James blinked, his heart skipping a beat. Sirius had only run away from home a few days ago, but he hadn’t told anyone where he’d gone—only that he’d shown up at the Potter’s doorstep with nothing but the clothes on his back. How did you know?

You must have sensed his confusion because you let out a bitter laugh, though it was tinged with more sadness than anything else. “I know he’s with you.”

James’s throat went dry. Of course you knew. Sirius was your brother, after all. But that didn’t explain why you were crying—why the tough, untouchable Black sister had broken down in the middle of a dark corridor.

“He didn’t even tell me,” you continued, voice wavering. “He just… left.”

The words hit James like a blow to the chest. He’d always seen Sirius as invincible, but to you—his sister—Sirius leaving must have felt like betrayal. Like abandonment. And for the first time, James understood. You were left behind to deal with the mess of the Black family while your brother escaped.

You sniffled, wiping your face again, but this time your hands trembled. “I’m supposed to be the strong one. The one who holds it together. But…” You broke off, biting your lip hard, as if trying to stop yourself from crying more. “But I couldn’t. Not this time.”

James crouched down beside you, unsure of what to say. “It’s okay to not be strong all the time,” he said quietly, surprised at how soft his own voice sounded.

You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut. “Not for me. Not in my family.”

He understood that. The Blacks had a reputation to uphold—a legacy of power, of purity. Emotions had no place in their world.

But you were just a person. A sister who had lost her brother to a world that wasn’t yours.

“I can’t hate him for leaving,” you whispered, almost to yourself. “I just… I just wish he’d told me.”

James’s chest tightened. “He was probably trying to protect you.”

“I don’t need protecting,” you snapped, though the words came out too broken to sound convincing.

Silence stretched between you, the weight of everything pressing down. James wanted to say something to fix it, but he knew there was nothing he could say. Sirius was gone, and you were left to pick up the pieces.

“He’s going to be okay,” James finally said. “I’ll… I’ll look after him.”

You looked up at him then, eyes glassy but determined. For a moment, the vulnerability vanished, and you were the strong, unshakable Black again. But this time, James saw beneath it. Saw the hurt that came with that strength.

“Promise me,” you said softly. “Promise you’ll take care of him. No matter what.”

James nodded, his voice firm. “I promise.”

Your shoulders slumped in relief, but the sadness in your eyes didn’t fade. You stood slowly, brushing off your robes like nothing had happened, though the cracks were still there, visible to him now.

Without another word, you turned to leave, but before you walked away, you paused, looking back over your shoulder. “Thank you,” you whispered.

James opened his mouth to respond, but you were already gone, disappearing into the shadows of the corridor, leaving him alone with the weight of your words.

He’d keep his promise. For you, for Sirius. Because now, more than ever, he understood just how much it mattered.

[daceydeath]

Try Again?

Pairing: Chan x F Reader Word Count: 2K Genre: Hurt/Comfort Warnings: Swearing

A part two of Why

You needed time to think the scandal was growing and you needed to be sure that you believed Chan or whether you should walk away for good

It had been almost twenty four hours since you had asked Chis to leave your apartment and the first seven, you predicted of many, bouquets of flowers had already arrived at your door. Although you conceded not all of them were from him, one had been from Felix, you were still not sure what to do. You knew about articles on Dispatch titled "Stray Kids Bang Chan Caught Kissing Mystery Woman" and "Stray Kids Bang Chan Takes Advantage of Fan". There were dozens of smaller articles of Chan with the whore sitting on his lap and all of them made your heart break a little more. You believed him but somewhere in the back of your mind you knew that there was always a chance he was lying to you to keep what he already had from slipping through his fingers.

Your phone rang for the twenty eighth time only this time it wasn't Chan or his manager it was Changbin and you knew at least he would tell you the truth, probably. There was little for him to lose, you would remain friends with the other guys whatever happened, you just wouldn't be able to see Chan again. Ever.

"I'm so sorry we didn't stop her" Changbin blurted loudly as soon as you answered the call "Shit we knew she was going to cause a problem as soon as Hyunjin spotted her following us".

"Bin, start from the beginning" you mumbled your voice scratchy from crying. You felt too listless to bother trying to piece information together.

"Hyunjin spotted her while we were filming and she seemed to be following us, when we finished and went out to the bar she popped up again and we knew she was going to cause some kind of issue, the psycho ones always do. But none of us guessed she was going to launch herself at Chan hyung and try to kiss him let alone sit in his lap. She was on him for like 15 seconds before security grabbed her and kicked her out" Changbin prattled before taking his first breath, you understood now why he was a rapper with the ability to speak so clearly but almost so fast you couldn't follow him.

"You were drunk Bin, Chan told me you all were" you sighed sitting on the floor in your lounge unable to even bring yourself to sit on the couch you had been sitting on when he had told you.

"Not that drunk! sure we were all a bit worse for wear but not so much that we didn't panic the moment she jumped hyung" he defended knowing that you knew he rarely got plastered unless he was somewhere that Stay wouldn't see him.

"So a sasaeng followed you around all day and then to the bar and you all did nothing until she decided to sit in Chan's lap and try to kiss him? That's the story you are going with?" you sniffled you had already run out of tears so an almost miserable apathy was all you could manage at that point.

"I'm not lying to you" Changbin's pretty much shouted down the phone frustration evident in his voice "Fuck I have no stake in what happens between you and hyung but I would prefer than neither of you get hurt by bullshit that was caused by someone else".

You stayed silent, your shaky breath probably the only thing he could hear as the moments dragged on before you hung up adding him to the growing list of people you were blocking as the day wore on. You were too tired to deal with this now and no matter what anyone thought you had to protect yourself first.

Another two days passed and another two of the boys had joined your blocked list for not getting the message and blowing up your phone, the list now stood at four members and three managers, you had just hoped that the others would get the hint and either contact you sparingly or just leave you alone until you were ready to deal with it. The articles kept coming, the whore had been sure to give out as much information as she could making the story grow exponentially and Stay were getting angry that the members were being crucified with no evidence to back the claims up. You were now seeing the situation for what it was and to quote Changbin it was just 'bullshit'.

"Holy shit bug are you ok? Everyone is so worried since you just disappeared" Felix asked as he stepped into your apartment with Hyunjin and Minho on his heels. You had invited them over so you could ask them exactly what happened and how Chan was doing, hoping you could finally either tell him that you believed him or to never contact you again.

"I'm better, I just needed some time" you smiled, accepting his tight hug and letting them sit where they wanted "Can I get you anything?".

"No, we brought you coffee though, to perhaps help" Minho offered, placing an iced latte down on your coffee table.

"Thanks Min" you smiled as genuinely as you could. All of the members had been so kind to you after they met you and found out you were with Chan and Minho was no exception to that even though it took him longer to come around.

"Three shots with vanilla syrup" he smiled in return and waited for you to sit down.

"I didn't want to call you and tell you over the phone" Hyunjin started nervously "I wanted to be able to tell you the truth and you be able to see it".

"That's more than I deserve Hyunnie, I've been quite the bitch over the past few days" you felt the skin of your face burning in shame at your admission.

"You were hurt, you had every right to feel what you were feeling" Felix interjected his normally cheerful bright smile replaced with a small shy one.

"We had been filming a Skz Talker" Hyunjin sighed watching you take a sip of the coffee "This girl was following us, but always off camera and only when we were in public, I noticed her after one of the managers was grumbling about her. She seemed fairly harmless just taking pictures and filming us, which isn't as bad as some of the shit they do, so I ignored her".

"Hyunjin pointed her out to a couple of us so I saw her and I'm pretty sure Seung and Innie did too but I'm not totally sure. But she honestly didn't seem as bad as some of the others do so we were probably not cautious enough about her which is on all of us, the managers included" Minho frowned, his eyes sadder than you had seen them in a while.

"When we went to dinner I don't think she was there and then the little bar we went to after that was so small there can't have been more than twenty other people in, including the staff" Felix added cautiously "but granted I hadn't seen her until it happened".

"We had a few drinks, Channie hyung was tipsy and barely at that, and she just appeared and wandered over like she was a friend. He didn't even see her until he sat on him and he was too stunned to even do anything about it, when he didn't react she grabbed his shirt and kissed him which he shut down immediately" Hyunjin continued slowly letting the information sink in. "He just about shoved her to the floor though, once we all yelled and the managers grabbed her Chan hyung just started cursing her out for being a psycho and disgusting, I think Minho hyung called her an whore because he is savage when he wants to be"

"An attention seeking whore but yeah semantics really" Minho confirmed, shrugging casually.

"We were all shocked and Channie hyung just broke down after it all happened and kept saying he needed to see you, he had to tell you but by the time we got back into Seoul and he got here it had already become a scandal" Felix pouted looking like he was the one who had messed up.

"Thank you all for telling me" you smiled halfheartedly, sipping your coffee again.

"Have you eaten today?" Minho asked seriously, looking at you sympathetically.

"I'll order something for dinner in a little while" you nodded your body feeling drained "I promise".

"Are you going to talk to hyung? He's losing his mind over this, not even the rumors and bad press over you not talking to him" Felix questioned as sweetly as he could.

"I'll call him" you again nodded as they all got up to leave, letting you walk them to the door.

"I swear that's the truth" Hyunjin took your hand to squeeze it "Hyung would rather give up his career than lose you".

"I would never allow that Hyunnie" you squeezed his hand back before they walked out and you shut the door behind them. You knew they hadn't lied to you and you also knew that Chan probably hadn't eaten or slept since it happened which made you feel so guilty that you felt your throat tighten. Taking a deep breath you unblocked his number and waited to see if anything happened, opening your food app you ordered something to arrive in an hour knowing that you would forget about it otherwise. Five minutes after the boys left your phone rang, Chan's picture filling your screen and making your heart clench.

"Baby girl?" He whispered his voice croaky "Baby girl please talk to me".

"Hi Channie" you answered him, your voice shaking.

"Oh shit, baby girl I'm so sorry. I've missed you so much and I'm sorry I fucked everything up and broke your heart but I'll do anything, absolutely anything to get another chance. Please. I love you so fucking much I can't breathe without you". He rambled, his voice turning thick as you imagined tears springing into his eyes.

"Channie, you don't need another chance, you didn't lose the first chance" you explained "I spoke to Hyunjin he told me everything and I'm so sorry I doubted you. I should have known you would never do that to me. I should have trusted you more but I was so scared that you might not love me anymore and I already knew you were too good for me so.... I'm sorry Channie".

"No, no, no you have nothing to be sorry for" Chan interrupted "I'm coming round I don't want this conversation to be over the phone. Is that ok?"

"The doors open Channie" you smiled as he hung up and you imagined him rushing around to get to your apartment.

When he arrived you almost cried looking at how tired and wrecked he looked, heavy bags under his eyes, his hair a mess and his cheeks pale. He didn't say a word, just pulled you into his arms holding you so tight that you thought he might not let you go again.

"I love you, I'll leave Stray Kids, I'll quit music, I'll announce we're together whatever you want me to do to prove I mean it" he breathed into your hair his lips pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

"You will do none of those things Channie" you softly protested your voice muffled against his chest "But maybe get more security to stop the insane people getting so close to you?".

"I will definitely do that baby girl" he sighed, his hold on you relaxing slightly "can we try this again?".

"We never broke up Channie I just needed some time, I didn't leave you I just needed space" you whispered "I know I was a bitch and went about it the wrong way. I should have told you what I needed instead of just shutting you out but I still love you very much".

Chan let go of you tilting your face to look at him, his smile so bright that it was almost blinding before he crashed his lips into yours, the emotion behind the kiss a promise that it would never happen again, that his heart and soul belonged to you. Melting against him you knew you would never not trust him again you loved Chan and that was all that mattered.

a/n: I know this took me like a year to finish but I hope you enjoy it all the same. Your likes, comments, reblogs and support means everything to me and I adore you all xx

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[artificial-transmutations]

4k! Dropout Dorm 2

Aiden coughed, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"No, I don't think so..."

Marvin walked towards him, slowly. Thankfully, Marvin only went to the window to open it before packing his bag. 

"Aren't you going to get out of bed soon?" Marvin asked. "Classes are about to start! 

Of course, that wasn't all that easy. Under his blanket, his body was still covered in spurts of cum that Aiden smeared into the fabric and all over himself with every movement. 

"Go ahead, my classes don't start for a while, and I'm really sleepy" he lied while faking a yawn. Apparently, the innocent Marvin bought his lie and left for class. Once the room door closed, Aiden bolted out of bed. As he had feared, the inward facing side of his blanket as well as his torso were wet with sticky cum. However, Marvin had also been right about classes. He had no time to clean up properly or take a shower now, that would have to wait until the afternoon. Aiden quickly used his towel to wipe off the worst from his body and turned his blanket, so the dirty side faced down. He threw on some clothes and was almost out of the door when he noticed that the window was still open. Not having anything stolen was definitely more important than a smelly room, so he closed the window and hurried to his class. 

Aiden made it to class, just barely. He didn't have any trouble following the professor but was distracted by himself. As the day progressed, Aiden noticed that he was smelling a bit. The sweaty activity this morning combined with the dried up seed under his clothes and the lack of shower produced a bit of a smell. It was probably nothing anyone else would notice, but still, Aiden was very self-conscious about it and resolved to taking a shower when classes were over. To make matters even worse, it was a moderately hot summer day, and Aiden was sweating under his long sleeve shirt. He didn't want to open it on the other hand in order not to disturb anyone with his smell. 

Marvin was the first to return to the 'dropout dorm'. When he opened the door, he immediately noticed the stale air. For understandable reasons, Aiden had closed the window when he left the room. Apparently, the time it had been open had not been enough to get rid of the strong aroma two sleeping guys produced. 

Marvin considered opening the window again but decided against it. The sun was burning down outside and opening the window now would only make the room heat up unnecessarily. Besides, he almost didn't smell it anymore. 

With this rationalization, Marvin started up his PC, to get his assignments done. He had a few days for them but doing them immediately didn't hurt. 

However, Marvin found it hard to concentrate today. Perhaps it had been the new experiences during the last few days, but he was feeling rather aroused. His small dick had gotten stiff, and he found himself readjusting his crotch often while trying to concentrate on his assignment. 

Finally, he gave up. It had been long since he had been this horny. He just needed to get it out of his system, so he opened a porn site. As he was nestling on the button of his pants however, without a warning, the room door opened. 

Marvin panicked, and his face became red as a tomato. He simultaneously shoved his shirt over his thankfully small bulge and hit the power button of his computer, not caring that he lost what little progress he had made on his assignment. 

Thankfully, Aiden, who came into the room, had not noticed anything out of the ordinary but regarded Marvin with a curious look. 

"Hey Marvin. Why are you shutting down your computer?" 

"Oh, uhm, hi Aiden. Yes, I'm... eh... I mean I have to go, that's why!" 

"Ah, cool, where are you going?" asked Aiden in a friendly tone while letting himself fall to his bed. 

Crap. He needed a good excuse. Classes were over for the day. Without thinking much, he just blurted out the first thing that came to mind: "I'm going to the gym!" 

"To the gym?" Aiden asked bewilderedly. 

"Yes, I thought there is no harm in trying it out once, haha!" Marvin said and went through his drawer to retrieve some never used gym clothes. 

"Alright! Have fun!" said Aiden, secretly happy he would be alone in the room because of that.

Marvin dressed quickly, grabbed his backpack and left the room. 

Finally alone, Aiden, who was still lying on his bed, sighed a sigh of relief. Now, he had time to clean up, change his sheets and shower. He sat up and pulled his shirt over his head, leaving him bare-chested. He took a test sniff on his armpits. Yep, they smelled pretty intense, at least compared to his usual body odor. What was a bit odd though were the bushes of brown hair that prominently looked out from his armpits. Had he always been so hairy there? He couldn't say - that was something he never noticed much. It smelled really sweaty, though. When he scratched the hair with his hand, it felt damp with sweat.

Aiden smelled his fingers that just had scratched his pit, just to be sure. Yes, definitely a strong odor. He repeated the experiment on his other armpit. Same result. Aiden's head was swimming and for some reason he was really horny again. His dick strained against his pants and demanded attention. Good thing Marvin was out. It was pretty unusual for him to feel the need to jerk off twice in a week, let alone twice in a day, but Aiden thought nothing of it and got to work. 

As his right arm pumped up and down, the smell from his armpits was shoved into the room with each movement, for some reason making Aiden even more aroused. As he was getting close already, however, this wasn't enough anymore. As best as he could, he buried his nose in his armpits and took a deep breath. Ohhhh yes! That sensation brought him over the edge and more cum splattered against his body. Some missed his chest and hit his pillow instead, forming wet patches on the linen.

Aiden exhaled. That was unusually intense. He looked down on the mess he made. He should clean that up. But right now, he felt really tired, and Marvin would surely be out for a bit, so he still had some time. He grabbed his discarded shirt and wiped over his chest, letting the fabric absorb his sweat and cum, while spreading the rest more over his body, before letting the cloth fall to the floor without spending a further thought on it. Time to relax for a bit. 

With this thought, Aiden snuggled himself into his stained bed and slumbered away.

Meanwhile, Marvin arrived at the gym. What was he even doing? He could just pretend he went to the gym and return half an hour later. But then again, this would just be wasting time, and he did buy the gym clothes in case he wanted to try out the athletic offerings of the college at some point.

Under no circumstances had he expected this to be the case on his very first day here, but he might as well. 

Thankfully, there was nobody there to see him, as he changed into his gym clothes and so he entered the foreign territory in his oversized clothes with a bit of apprehension. But there was nobody in here as well, so he could basically do whatever he wanted without making a fool out of himself.

Where to start... There were the treadmills of course, but after closer inspection, the devices looked pretty complicated, and Marvin didn't want to damage anything (or himself) by pressing the wrong button on it. What else... There were weights. Those are pretty straightforward, Marvin reasoned. Just grab the weighted sticks and lift them, repeatedly. There was probably no way he could do that wrong. 

So, Marvin grabbed some weights and started to lift them up. Even though he started with the smallest one, it was surprisingly heavy, and Marvin went out of breath pretty quickly. He looked at the dumbbells again. They looked really tiny, especially compared to the other versions with much bigger discs. He wouldn't let himself be defeated by those! He grabbed them again and continued lifting.

Once he found his rhythm, the lifting became somewhat easier, and Marvin actually started to enjoy himself. Sweat was running down his body in rivers, drenching his light shirt, but he didn't care. He felt good! 

Marvin lost track of the time for a bit, but he had been working out for at least an hour, maybe two. During the last half hour or so, he even had switched to the next bigger disc size and found he could lift them as well. When he finally had enough, though, he noticed that there were other people working out in the gym now. He hadn't seen them come in, so focused has he been on his own lifting. 

The problem was, there were also other people in the locker room and shower. Marvin really didn't fancy showering with other people, so he decided to just shower in their dorm room.

When he entered the 'dropout dorm', he saw Aiden slumbering in his bed. He was shirtless and his arms hung over the bedframe, exposing hairy armpits. On the floor, a crumbled up shirt was lying, and the whole room smelled a bit... ripe. Marvin smiled. Poor Aiden, he must have been really tired. Best to let him sleep instead of opening the window. Besides, Marvin himself was so sweaty he was pretty smelly as well, he was sure of it. Time to hit the shower!

As he let the hot water run down his body, Marvin noticed a couple of things that seemed odd. For the first time in ever, he noticed some really small amounts of definition on his slim body. While that could probably be explained by the strain on his muscles from the workout (the word 'pump' didn't mean anything to Marvin), there were two more observations that were harder to explain. There were a very few small hairs on his chest, and overall, his complexion was a tad darker, like he had a tan. He didn't have a tan for all his life! It must have been the moving boxes in the bright sunshine yesterday, Marvin rationalized.

After finishing his shower, Marvin worked on his assignments for a bit, but stopped quickly. It wasn't really fun, a mixture of boring and surprisingly difficult at times. He had clearly underestimated the difficulty of his assignments. Perhaps he would have to take a fresh look at it tomorrow.

Furthermore, his body was acting up again. Even though his workout was now several hours ago, he was still sweating like mad. His butt left a wet print in his chair when he stood up and sweat kept dripping down his body and into his eyes. As if that wasn't bad enough, he was constantly hard. Of course, with Aiden sleeping just a few meters away, there was absolutely no way he would do anything about it right now, he would just have to endure it. His gaze went to the sleeping Aiden more than once, without him even noticing, taking in the incredibly hairy armpits and sparse hair on his chest (were those there before?) subconsciously.

Surely, there would be an opportunity to care for that tomorrow, Marvin reasoned as he shut down his computer and went to bed as well. 

With his dick tenting his blanket, he drifted off to sleep.

Things are set in motion! Read the previous part here. The next part is waiting here.

[cherie-doll]

Hey Cherie!! It’s been so long hehe I hope you’re well 💖

Can I request a How the COD men reacts when their s/o was called a nasty name like ‘stupid cunt’? Once again projecting myself a bit here, I always regret being stunned and not punching that idiot in the face 🙂‍↕️🫠

Hope you stay happy and blithe and healthy ✨✨

May you forever stay cheerful as well, my beloved <3

Speech like this just comes off as extremely repulsive and obscene to me and I feel deeply for anyone who's had to deal with this. I won't go into detail but just know whoever is reading that it deals with this sort of theme and please just scroll or avoid if you want.

𓏴𓏴 Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Roach, Alejandro, Rudy, Phillip Graves

Price

He does not let that fly in this base

Doesn't care if he gets called prude or mocked for not allowing it, he'd rather there be respect

Basic decency is something that is quite literally the bare minimum for soldiers

No way will he let you be dragged around with that filthy speech especially not when you're his s/o

He lets you know he'd gladly deal with it himself but you manage and tell him you'd like to take care of it

Ghost

He's not foreign to vulgar words or foul language but he isn't okay with it when it's used to degrade someone

He's heard it in public before but never has it been directed to you, seriously what was that guy thinking? That he could just say it in passing to you on the street and walk away like it was nothing?

Maybe he hadn't seen your tall masked boyfriend until he stopped and turned, heading to them and the look on their face

Eyes as big as saucers as Simon planned to rearrange their face

Soap

Quick, fiery temper strikes faster than a cobra

He's at their neck in an instant, trapping them in a death grip and staring daggers into them

He doesn't care that people are staring or that he could get the police called because he's shouting threats

And his anger won't subside afterwards, it leaves a stale feeling that has him crossing his arms and serious for the rest of the day

It had gotten him all riled up for the rest of the day that he's on the lookout for anyone else looking to insult you

Gaz

You've almost never seen Kyle get mad

Oh but he was furious, fire raging within him, knowing he was really about to do something when his jaw set hard and he went real silent

He didn't make a commotion, didn't shout or yell, just silently made his way over and took care of the problem

You didn't get to see what he did to the guy because he somehow made sure you didn't, and he wouldn't tell you either when you asked

Instead choosing to distract you with something else

Roach

He's not a fan of foul language and hates hearing it used even more but being around others so much he can't really avoid it

But the sentence that some idiot had the audacity to say to your face shocked him

How could they?

How much hatred could be within them that they're letting such words carelessly slip from their tongue?

He's worried about how you're feeling more than anything so he'll take you away before anything else could happen because he doesn't want you to show it hurt

Alejandro

Marking their grave as we speak

Don't be surprised if you see him already loading a gun

Oh boy, it's gonna be difficult to get him to calm down

He's cursing and throwing profanities much worse to the other person that they're already backing away fearing for their life

It would actually weigh down on him for a while and will get raging mad whenever he remembers

Rudy

Covering your ears immediately and glaring at the person who said that to you

He motions for someone else to take care of them while he asks if you're okay

Probably doesn't matter if you say yes or no, he focuses on not letting you dwell on those words

You're not those things and never will be, such words shouldn't be said to anyone else

And what do they know? He's shaking his head and sighing, doesn't know what to do with the anger

Phillip Graves

Yeah he allows cursing, hell he curses up a storm himself but this??

This is just unacceptable

This is the lowest form of using language incorrectly, the use of such words is as sickening as rotten food, can't imagine how much worse you would feel when it's said to your face

He's made sure to instill manners in his Shadows and he'll even send one home no matter how useful or great their skills are, but not everyone has had that great education and will freely no- carelessly use their speech for worse

Getting ready to drop a bomb on them or plan a quiet murder

[stormz369]

☕💖 Can I Get Your Number? ☕💖 Ch 5

Jason Todd x (f)Chubby!Reader

written with a female reader in mind, first person pov, no use of Y/N, angst and comfort, will probably get NSFW later, let me know if there's anything else I should tag this with!

warnings: difficult conversation about the past, allusions to trauma, abuse, and body dysmorphia

wc: 1.8k

Chapter selection

I kept seeing glimpses of vigilantes after that night. Every Gothamite had a couple stories about seeing Masks, but five sightings in a week was weird, even after a villain prison break! So considering most of the major villains were behind bars or at Arkham at the time, and that most of these sightings were during the day, I was starting to get really weirded out. Signal made an amount of sense, but the rest of them were never seen during the day! And all of them just sort of standing around on rooftops and in alleys? Something was definitely up with the Gotham vigilantes. 

I mentioned it to Jason once. Only once. I had seen Nightwing and Robin whispering together in the alley behind my work. The looks on their faces when they saw me was too funny, and Nightwing's gravely “we were never here” before they grappling-hooked away had me wheezing. But the look on Jason's face told me just how unfunny he found it; for a minute I was concerned that he might try to fight them. I decided it was best to keep the sightings to myself after that; they weren't hurting anyone, most of the time they didn't even talk to me, and I didn't want him doing something stupid. Jason was so protective, and I wouldn't have him get hurt because of me.

Our relationship confused me a bit; in some ways we were moving very fast, but in others it was like we were at a standstill. Every day started with a good morning text, and ended with a good night call. Soon he was coming over every few days; sometimes we would cook together, but usually he brought takeout with him. We would eat and discuss the books we'd selected on our mall date. He would sit next to me on the couch; our knees would touch when we turned to face each other. Our hands would touch when I passed him a plate or a glass. Sometimes he would set his hand next to mine on the couch, and I'd rest my fingers over his. Every night on his way out he hovered by the door, and every night I thought he might lean in for a kiss, or a hug, or something. Instead, he'd stare for a minute, his face would turn pink and he'd mumble out a ‘g’night Doll’ and duck out. It would have been cute if it wasn't so frustrating.

I thought I was putting out all the right signals; I turned toward him when he spoke, didn't pull away when our hands touched, scooted closer when he sat next to me, leaned forward just a bit at the door. I wasn't sure if he was shy or uncomfortable, but I certainly didn't want to make it worse, so I wasn't sure how to get things moving.

Finally, after two months of this, I decided it was probably best just to ask him about it. I told him not to bring dinner, got everything to make one of his favorite comfort foods, and made sure it was ready when he arrived. His knock was quieter than usual, I almost didn't realize he had arrived. When I opened the door he had an unusually blank look on his face, like he'd put on a Halloween mask of himself.

“Hey Jay, … you alright?” I frowned slightly, moving to let him in. He hesitated before stepping inside.

“Yeah, I'm alright. How ’bout you?”

I led him to the dining room where the food was laid out. “I had a good day. I made that chili you like, and I- … are you sure you're ok? You look a bit tense.”

I had turned back to see him staring at the table, like he wasn't sure what he was looking at. “... You … cooked?”

“Um, yeah? … I know we usually cook together if we're not getting takeout, but the chili takes a few hours and I didn't think we’d want to wait until midnight to eat … is that ok?”

“... Y- yeah, that's ok … sorry, I … I thought …” he frowned, like his thoughts were a particularly complex puzzle he was trying to put together. “... I usually bring food, so … when you said not to I guess I assumed the worst.”

“Oh… oh! Did you think I didn't want to have dinner together?” He nodded awkwardly, staring at the table. “Oh Jason! I'm so sorry; I just wanted to surprise you with the chili. I love getting to eat together, promise!”

I smiled gently, holding my hand out to him. He slowly reached out and took it, squeezing a bit. “Me too… you … you're too nice to me, Doll.”

“No such thing. You feel ok now?” he nodded, smiling a little, and we sat to eat. The tension slowly eased out of his back as he ate. I tried not to stare too much, it seemed to make him a bit nervous, but I loved the look on his face when he was enjoying a meal. 

“... Jason, can I ask you something?”

“Sure?”

“... Is there a reason you haven't kissed me yet?”

He froze, looking over at me slowly. His cheeks were bright pink. “... W- was I supposed to?”

“Well, not necessarily supposed to, you don’t have to of course, but you could. … I just … Sometimes I think you will, but then it's like … you stop yourself? Is that right?”

“... I just … I don't …” he set his spoon down, chewing on his lower lip. “I'm … I don't want you to get hurt.”

I tilted my head a bit, confused. “... You're worried about hurting me?”

“Doll, I … you know who I am, right?” I nodded. “Do you … remember a few years back, I … was in the news alot?”

I nodded again; “yeah, … you were dead, and then you weren't.”

“... Yeah. I … I didn't … look like this before. … I was dead, and then I was back, and … I was suddenly in this body. I … I should be used to it by now, but I'm not. I still bump into things because I forget how big I am. I still break things when I think I'm being gentle. … I … I could seriously hurt you, and I don't want to, but … I don't know how to do any of this. I was a crime alley kid, and then I was learning to navigate life at Wayne Manor, and then I was dead. I've never done anything like this before, and I …” he took a deep breath, whispering; “I'm so worried I'm going to do something wrong, and you won't be able to forgive me…”

I slowly reached over, setting my hand next to his on the table. I hoped he’d take it, but I didn’t want to push. “... It sounds like you’ve been through a lot … too much.” He flinched a bit, looking away. “You had to figure out how to survive, and it sounds like you had to do it alone most of the time. … But you don’t have to figure this stuff out alone.”

His head jerked slightly, turning toward me but not looking up yet. “I don’t have a whole lot of experience either, but I think relationships are about figuring out life together.”

“... Most people don’t have so much they have to figure out though. You deserve better …” He whispered it, as if he was afraid I would agree with him.

I slid my fingers a bit closer to his, letting them rest against his just a bit. He didn’t pull away, but he didn’t take my hand either. “I would take this with you over anything else with anyone else.”

“... What if I can’t give you what you want?”

“What I want is for us to keep spending time together. Can we do that?” He nodded. “Then nothing else matters. We’ll do things as we’re ready for them. And if we’re never ready for something, if you’re never ready, it will not matter to me nearly as much as getting to keep this. Ok?”

He nodded slowly, looking at our hands on the table. He slowly flipped his hand over, finally letting mine slide against his palm. His thumb gently stroked my knuckles. “... I still don’t know how to do this though… What if I do something wrong?”

“What kind of ‘doing something wrong’ are you worried about?”

“.... What if I want something you don’t?”

“Then we’ll talk about it, just like this.”

“... I’m not good at talking things out.”

“You’re doing pretty good so far. And I’ll learn to read your body language for those days where you can’t find words for your thoughts. We’ll just have to be patient with each other. Ok?”

“... Ok.” He continued to stare at my hand in his, running his thumb over my knuckles delicately. “... Can … next time, can you tell me if you have a surprise for me? This was really nice, but … most surprises in my life haven't been good ones.”

I nodded. “Of course. No more surprises without some kind of warning.”

 “Thanks ... I … I do want to kiss you, Doll …”

“I’d like that too.” His eyes slowly met mine, and for a brief moment I saw through the imposing man to the little boy he used to be; he wanted to love and be loved, wanted the easy touches and simple intimacies of normal life. But something between childhood and adulthood had obviously gone very, very wrong, and he had locked away those wishes to protect himself. The look in his eyes, like a dying man in the desert stumbling upon an oasis, broke my heart; being nervous in a new relationship was to be expected, but this was something else. Someone had hurt him, and if I ever found out who … I wasn’t entirely sure what I’d do, but I had a feeling I would end that day in handcuffs.

As quick as I saw it, that broken look in his eyes was replaced by a small glimmer of hope, and he slowly brought my knuckles to his lips. I could feel my face heating up as I watched his face; he seemed to be looking for something in my eyes.

“... M- my turn?”

He slowly nodded, letting me lean forward a bit. I guided his hand to my lips and, starting with the pinky, pressed a gentle kiss to the second knuckle of each finger. Jason stared me down, and with each kiss his face got pinker and pinker. When I placed the final kiss on his thumb his lips parted, releasing an almost inaudible high pitched whine.

In the next instant he had one hand in mine, and the other pressed firmly to his face to hide his bright red cheeks. I chuckled softly, offering him a coy smile; “that was a very pretty sound~”

Next ->

Divider by: @saradika 

Taglist (open):

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[reidmania]

let the grass grow | spencer reid

summary; you love spencer too let him stay while your world falls apart at your own hands.

warnings; hurt x comfort w no comfort, exes, angst w no happy ending, self depricating thoughts, insecurities, self sabotaging, avoidant attachment reader, fem reader, early seasons spencer, mentions of not eating, scars but never says whats from, arguments, but u guys love each other. its just sad tbh. 1.7k words

an; this is purely for my own sake and i wanted to make it a comfort but i genuinely couldn't bc this is a very real and relevant issue that no comfort seems to comfort so.. enjoy the pain?? song is let the grass grow by ruel, my man my man.

‘so I'll leave before you go, ‘cause there's no tears when it's my fault this self-sabotage, all of our other scars don't compare. take the river to the sea, drown myself, so I don't sink, find my peace there, underneath the hurricane, break a promise, so I can leave, burn a forest so i can sleep. lay my head stone and let the grass grow over me’

You could feel eyes on you everywhere, constantly throughout the entirety of the day. Even though deep down you knew no one was really staring at you the amount you built it up to in your mind. Constant judgement and quiet questioning from the gaze of your co-workers made your stomach fill with an overwhelming sense of sickness, it made you want to crawl into a hole and remain there in a foetal position for the rest of the time life offered you.

Quiet whispers of worry bounced around the building from your co-workers to one another, each one who had asked if you were okay throughout the day – multiple times, every to which you’d reply with a nod of your head and a forced smile on your lips that left indents on your cheeks, when your eyes remained the same distant and sullen that caused their worry in the first place.

It wasn’t until you were leaving the building you heard the same question after a whisper of your  name, but from Spencer.

Your head turned towards him faster than you meant it to, you swore any faster and you would’ve ended the day with not only a worse mood than you woke up in but also whiplash. Your eyes met his and you wished they didn’t. The care is held and balanced evenly in his eyes, causing a slither in the walls you had built up around yourself and everything that fell below surface level.

“Are you okay?” His eyes studied your face as if he would find any hint of truth in your expression since he knew better than to believe the lie that fell from your lips. Spencer Reid wasn’t an idiot, anyone and everyone was painfully aware of that, you were painfully aware of that. He hadn’t asked the question the same amount everyone else did, he hadn’t even talked to you today until now.

You nodded in response, casting your eyes away from his and back to the elevator you wished would hurry up. Two weeks, it had been two weeks since you broke up with Spencer, it had been two weeks of Spencer everyday asking you why, and it had been two weeks of you being unable to provide an answer that seemed good enough for him. Nothing you said seemed to help him understand why you would break off something that was going so well, that made you both evidently happy, everyone could see it, everyone watched you both pine after one another for years.

“Talk to me” He begged for what felt like – and probably was, the hundredth time.

Your head shook, because what were you supposed to say? What did he want you to say? You didn’t know and for you that meant you were better off not saying anything, maybe because the truth you fought to keep away from the open air seemed so pathetic and embarrassing it was better left unsaid. He was asking you to show him the deepest and worst parts of you and you were refusing and he just wouldn’t let it go.

“I don’t have anything to say” You replied, the same response as every other time he asked. It wasn’t enough, not for Spencer because he knew it wasn’t true.

He frowned, and it broke your heart. 

“I just want to understand,” He pleaded with you, reaching out for your hand. You pulled it away, what you were doing was mean, you knew that, it was unfair and mean to both him and yourself. Depriving you both of what you both wanted and yearned for so deeply all because you constantly felt like the world was closing in on you and things fell apart under your touch, it was just mean – but you weren’t cruel enough to allow Spencer the touch of your hand to pull it back all over again.

“I wish you would” You mumbled out, muffled enough you could convince yourself he didn’t hear even though you knew he did. You didn’t intend to be mean with your words, you wished he understood that you were physically incapable of what he was asking from you, it wasn’t something you could bring yourself to do.

The elevator dinged and the door opened and you were thanking the world, until Spencer got on next to you and now you were left in a confined space with the one person who seemed to break through the box of self deprecation you would bury yourself into, time and time again. You didn’t want him there, you didn’t want him in your space, in your mind and in the middle of your emotions that took you down day in and day out. 

You wanted him, that wasn’t something you tried to hide, just something you deprived yourself of because you didn’t want him to want you, you didn’t even want you. The fact someone else could, someone like Spencer, was overwhelming in a number of ways and it only furthered the insecurity that consumed you.

“I’m here, I know there’s more than what you’re letting on.” He said, you wanted to appreciate his effort of reassurance but it didn’t help. You loved Spencer, and you were now certain he was the sweetest person to ever exist. How could you allow yourself to indulge in something so sweet and so pure when you deemed yourself the opposite. You fell apart and buried yourself in your own issues, you spent days lying in the darkness of your bedroom body starved and scarred, you’d mull over every mistake you ever made and everything in your life that should have belonged to someone more deserving.

You didn’t answer him, so he spoke again. “I have been and I'm going to be here until you’re ready to talk about it” his voice was gentle and dripping with reassurance you wish you could accept because his words were suppose to be reassuring but they left a bad taste in your mouth and just made your heart clench tighter in your chest to the point you thought it might’ve stopped beating.

“I didn’t ask you to do that.” You said, not turning your head to face him but you were sure enough that they best portrayed what you were feeling, too much.

He let out a breath, a sigh of a sort and shook his head as he spoke, “I never said you did, I don’t mind waiting for you–”

There it was.

“I don’t want you to do that.” You snapped slightly, guilt instantly infested your gut but you couldn’t help it. You didn’t need him to wait around for this feeling to go away because it never did, your entire life, it never had and you didn’t imagine that changing. “I don’t want you to wait for me, Spencer. I don’t want you to just wait around for something that’s never going to happen, this won’t change. I made my decision” you huffed out the most you had said to him since that night you ended things which consisted of a teary eyed argument.

He dragged his hands through his hair as he tried to figure out what to say, then the elevator came to a stop and you were moving off it quicker than his brain could process and then he was following you and he was reaching out for your hand, even though he knew better by now. “You said you loved me, you said that while you were breaking up with me. You said you loved me and that you were sorry, you couldn’t do it anymore and then gave me nothing else” He stated, his eyes pleading for some sort of answer, something he could blame himself for.

That's not what you wanted, you didn’t want him to blame himself – that was almost a part of the whole point. If he blamed you for this, if you ended it now then there was no chance it would happen any other way. You could live with him blaming you with this, much better than you could live with getting hurt or inevitably hurting him. “I do love you Spencer” You said, you weren’t going to lie about that. 

Your arm pulled away from his touch but he only reached out again, “I’m trying to respect your decision, but I don’t understand. You love me but you don’t want me to wait, you love me but you broke up with me – I just- You’re doing this thing where–  you like to shut down and shut everyone out and I don’t want you to do that. If you don’t want to be with me then I’ll respect that but If you think I can stand around and watch you fall apart you don’t know me, and I would really prefer to think you did because for the longest time I thought I knew you and now finding out that maybe I don’t is– Well it sucks.”

You huffed out, you knew it was unfair and contradicting and you almost wished you had never gotten involved in the first place because you hated the fact you were hurting Spencer right now because your emotions were confusing. It was unfair. “I’m sorry” You started. He was right, you knew him and he knew you, on the slightest of a deeper level.

“Don’t do that. Don’t apologise and then brush it off. I don’t want you to be sorry, I want you to be honest. You keep everyone at arm's reach, on surface level– I want more than that, I want to know you, and understand you, I want to understand this. Tell me what you need and I'll do it, but I need to understand why first.” 

How were you supposed to tell the single handedly most sweet, kind and perfect person that you were unable to provide him with the one thing he wanted – to know you. How were you supposed to admit that something as simple as that was too much to ask for. 

“There's this expectation that I can't reach, that I never have, never will and I love you, Spencer, that's true – but I'm not going to let you sit around and watch me fail time after time again to reach the expectation of basic human existence.” You shook your head as you pulled your hands away from his grasp, your body turned as you walked away.

He stood calling out your name but his feet stayed glued to the ground, and there was no response from you.

[yeetwinchester2]

Skipping Pt. 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!reader

Summary: Y/N had been struggling with her ED lately, but the team doesn't know that. Its getting worse... can she keep it from the team? Can she keep it from her mission partner?

Warnings: Eating Disorder(s), mention of passing out, angst, worry, some fluff

a/n: Yes! The long-awaited part 2!

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The morning following the incident, each member of the team asked you at some point how you were doing. Some even asked what had happened. Of course, you said it was nothing, that they just caught you off guard or that you weren't feeling well. But these excuses will only last so long. Another incident like this can't happen if you want to keep this from them. On the other hand, it made you feel good. Knowing that you were working so hard to look thin, and passing out meant you were pushing yourself.

Days go by, and with each one, you grow more worried that they know. Its all starting to add up, so you do little things to play it off better. Occasionally eating light snacks in front of others, or talking about what you “had for lunch.” Adding small details about your day, that will help cover it up.

---------------------------------------

"Has anyone else noticed something different about y/n?" Bucky says with some concern in his voice.

"She's probably just recovering after that mission. It really took a toll on her. We all feel a bit under the weather after a rough one." Tony replies.

"No, its not just that. I noticed it a little before the mission too. I don't know what it is, but something's not right." Bucky might not like her, but he knows her well. They go on almost every mission together. As much as he wishes it weren't true, the pair work well together and Steve was right. They are the best of the best. Her going down on that mission was out of character and has to be more than just 'feeling under the weather.' He's gonna figure it out. Bucky isn't sure why he feels such a need to figure out what's going on with y/n. He tells himself its for the betterment of the team, but is that all it is?

"We'll keep an eye on her. Don't stress it too much. I'm sure she's fine." Tony says reassuringly.

------------------------------------------

You're getting dressed to go down to the gym for a good workout. Looking in the mirror, you're motivated to change what you see. No matter how little you eat, how healthy it is, or how much you workout, it never seems to be enough. You're never thin enough. The only thing you can do is push harder. So, you put on a pair of basic black sweatpants over your leggings, and a matching sweatshirt over your long sleeve top. Maybe you should be sweating more. It wouldn't hurt to try. Covering up yourself helps too, so at least you don't have to see yourself.

You make your way to the workout room, starting with a leg workout to cut away at those thighs. Next is a core workout, because no one likes a stomach. Lastly, a nice treadmill run. The run really puts the cherry on top. You were feeling good until the last 400 meters of your 2 mile run. You were getting the good fuzzy, lightheaded feeling. the feeling that proves you're working hard. You make it to the end, nearly falling over, but proud of the workout.

Content with what you've accomplished, you make your way back to your room for a hot shower. But before you make it there, someone stops you right at your door.

"Hey, y/n. Can I talk to you for a second?" He says it firmly, as if it wasn't a question.

"Sure, what's up?"

"What happened during the mission? What made you fall out like that? That never happens." He keeps his voice firm.

"Oh, I just wasn't feeling well. I'm doing better. It was just a off day kind of thing." Just stay cool. You weren't feeling good. That's all it was.

"Y/n. We have been partners for a long time now. I know how you perform when you don't feel well. That wasn't it. We can't help you if you don't tell us what's going on." He seems genuine, speaking with softer voice this time.

"Really, Buck. I'm fine. Thank you for the concern though. I've go to get a shower now. I'll see you later." You push past him, making your way into your room. Now you're getting nervous. Bucky is catching on. Who else has noticed? Surely the others haven't noticed it. But what if they have? Do they care enough to say anything? No, its got to be fine.

--------------------------------------

In your bathroom, you lock the door. Turning on the hot water while you prepare for a hot shower. The kind that makes you dizzy and weak after a long day. You strip naked and pull out the scale from under the sink. Stepping on it, scared to see the number. You look down to see a number you're still unsatisfied with. Feeling defeated once again. You look up to see yourself in the mirror, picking at all the places you look too big. All the places you want to be thin.

Eventually, you step into the shower and wash the worries away.

--------------------------------------

Knowing that you were going to be in the bathroom for a while, Bucky took this as an opportunity to do some investigation on his own. He peeks into your room and verifies that you are in the bathroom and hears the shower water running. He steps into the room, quietly closing the door behind him. He knows this is intrusive, but its got to give him some idea of what is going on. He snoops around a bit, but only finds your regular day-to-day items. He gets to the opposite side of your bed, where he finds a small, pocket-sized journal laying in the bedside table. He opens it, to find your daily journal entries. Quickly closing it, he debates on what to do. This is your personal journal and this is private information, but this could also tell him what is going on. Maybe even how to help. He takes a seat on your bed, and opens the journal once more. He finds the days' entries before the mission, thinking this will be a good place to start, and begins reading.

--------------------------------------

You turn off the shower water, satisfied and complete with your shower routine. You step out and dry off with your favorite, most fluffy towel. You wrap yourself in the towel, then wipe down the foggy mirror to look at yourself once more. Still feeling defeated, you step out of the bathroom, ready to slip into pajamas and get into bed.

But instead of finding an quiet, empty room, you find the one and only Bucky Barnes reading your journal. The journal that no one but you has touched. The journal that you pour your heart and soul into.

You stand there, in shock. Who knows what he's thinking right now. Who's knows how much he's read, or what all he has read.

--------------------------------------

Bucky looks up at you, just as shocked as you are.

"Y/n.." He has tears in his eyes, but he doesn't get up from where he is sitting. He just looks at you with an expression you've never seen from him. "Doll, why haven't you told anyone?"

"You really shouldn't be in here right now. Let alone going through my stuff," you reply, walking to take the journal from his hands. You close it and stuff it in a drawer, away form him. He stands, slowly stepping towards you.

"I know what's going on, y/n. I noticed a while back, but you've just confirmed it for me." He points towards the drawer holding the notebook. He continues to ignore the lack of clothing on your body. It is the least of his worries at this moment. Your health and well-being matter more to him right now that seeing you with or without clothing. "I know I haven't been as kind to you as I should have. You've been nothing but good to me. This last mission made me realize that. Seeing you laying there, helpless, it hurt. Please talk to me, let me help you." The look in his eyes and the expression on his face is nothing like you've seen before. Except once. You saw this look on him once before, when he brought you back to the jet.

After so long of doing this alone and keeping this to yourself, you break. You bring your hands to your face to hid the tears that stream down. He wraps his arms around you, his rough hands on your back. You wonder what he thinks of you. You've always been fond of him for one reason or another. There's no telling what he thinks now. Is he disgusted? Does he think this is stupid? Does he see you now the way that you see yourself? All you get through the soft sobs is a quiet "I'm sorry."

"Darling, what're you sorry for? Let's get you some pajamas and then we'll talk." He pulls away, but leads you to sit on the bed. He steps to your closet, grabbing a set of pajamas, handing them to you. "I'll step out while you put these on. I'll be right outside, just come get me when you're done." His tough, rugged demeanor is long gone. This is a side of him you never knew existed.

To be continued...

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A/n: Yes, I finally wrote a part 2. Will there be a part 3? Who knows. I did write this in one night, so forgive me if it isn't up to your standard and if there are typos. I hope you all enjoy. Let me know what you think!

Tags: @yve-barr , @hoseokslefteyebrow , @yoruse , @opheliabarnes , @bbymelsworld , @sketchygirlslipstickboys , @loki-laufeyson68m , @lovechuumorethanu , @that-girl-named-alex , @soggycheetoparty

[klaus-littlestwolf]

Weekend Away-Klaus M.

This wasn’t a request but I was feeling the need for something cute! I needed some warm and fuzzy Klaus in my life.

‘Come on love, it’ll be fun…’ he tempted, knowing how badly I wanted to be able to spend time with him. Klaus and I had been hiding our relationship for a month now, the Scooby Gang still believing he is into Caroline but almost every night he had been climbing into my window in the Boarding House.

It wasn’t sex at first, in fact the first night he knocked on my window I told him to get lost, but Klaus Mikaelson was nothing if not persistent. He kept coming back, I would let him in and he would just lay in bed beside me while I watched whatever movie I had on that night. A week in I began bringing snacks to my room that he told me he liked one night, even sneaking one of Damon’s bottles of bourbon for him. It was that second week that he kissed me for the first time and it had spiraled out of my control.

‘I can’t. They’ll notice I’m gone Nik and then what? If I tell them I’m fucking you then I become a disloyal bitch-‘

‘If they’re really your friends then they’ll support who you want to be with, and you and I both know this is more than just fucking…tell me it’s more than just sex.’ The look on his face made me believe that he really did like me which is the only reason I gave in instead of either pretending this is all nothing for my own sanity or teasing him. The look on his face told me how much he cared for me and I knew in that moment that I couldn’t tease him and hurt his feelings. Anyone else would tell you that Klaus doesn’t have feelings but I know different. Klaus Mikaelson is one of the most sensitive men I’ve ever met in my life.

‘Okay. It’s more than sex, but that makes it worse Nik! That means I’m in love with the enemy-‘

‘You love me?’ I froze as I realized what I had said making me sigh heavily. ‘I knew it! They use you Y/n and you know that, you have to because my girl is not stupid. If they want to ditch you because you fell in love then they don’t care about you at all.’ I didn’t say anything, looking at him and unsurely waiting. ‘I love you too Princess. I love you very much, how could I not? You’re perfect! Now come with me, pack a small bag, you’ll be back on Monday and they can fuck themselves.’ I considered this, both his proposal and the fact that he had just admitted to loving me for the first time, I had known I loved him since that second week when he first kissed me but hearing that he reciprocated those feelings was the greatest feeling in the world. I grinned, jumping into his arms and pressing my lips to his excitedly and he lifted me by my butt, my thighs wrapping around his waist as he continued to kiss me. ‘Okay, pack! Let’s get going, I want to see you spread out in a hotel bed, tipsy on champagne with a strawberry between these perfect little lips.’ I couldn’t help my giggle at that, jumping down and grabbing an overnight bag, packing 2 pairs of clothes and my cutest underwear, knowing we probably wouldn’t be leaving the hotel room at all. He slapped my ass as I bent over to pull on my boots before grabbing my phone, him taking my bag and jumping out the window. ‘Come on then!’

‘You’ve lost it, no way-‘

‘You don’t trust me?’ I knew he was teasing me but his eyes looked at me like I would be betraying him if I answer anyway other than by jumping and I huffed a sigh, climbing through the window and falling very ungracefully into his arms. ‘There’s my girl. Now, let’s go get you naked and drunk in some silk sheets, hmm?’

‘I knew you only loved me for my body.’ He glared playfully at me before carrying me to his car. One of my favorite things about being with Nik is that he’s fun, when we’re together, just us, he smiles in a way that is completely contagious.

The drive to the hotel was fun, I made him listen to some of my music which I know he tolerates solely because I love it so much and an hour later we were checking into the fanciest hotel I had ever seen in my life. I felt like if I so much as touched something in here I would damage it with my poor people hands, half of the guests walking around looked like they belonged in Downton Abbey, even the staff looked richer than me.

‘Nik, is this really necessary? This place looks more like a castle than a hotel, I feel like everyone’s staring at me.’ He pulled me close by my waist and nuzzled into my neck, breathing me in which is something he often does to feel calm.

‘They’re not staring at you, when we get to the room it’ll be worth it, I promise. Only the best for my girl.’ He stepped up to the front desk and I toyed with his hair as he spoke to the clerk, getting the room key, the man’s voice changing from disinterest to excitement when Nik gave his name.

‘Ah yes, the Honeymoon suite. It’s been prepared to your specifications, if there’s anything I can do to make your stay here for the week more comfortable you just let me know.’

‘I will, thank you.’ I looked up at him as he pulled me away and towards the elevators.

‘The week? I’m here for a weekend! Who is joining you here after me, huh?’ He rolled his eyes, pulling me into the elevator and hitting our floor button.

‘Don’t be daft love, I was going to talk you into staying longer and once you sleep in the most comfortable bed you’ve ever laid on you’ll want to stay too, okay? Just give me a chance.’ He reasoned and I shrugged, going along with it as he led me to a door, unlocking it and watching as my jaw dropped. The door opened into a huge living room area, comfortable looking couches and a wall of windows looking out over the mountains that we were practically in the side of and it was gorgeous. ‘Come here.’ He led me to the door off to the side and the bedroom was bigger than the living room, another wall of all windows with a patio and a sliding door looking out over the trees. It took a second before I noticed the bed, bigger than a king size somehow and the white sheets were covered in rose petals, a huge heart spelling out “I love you” inside of it.

‘This is so cheesey and dumb and I love it so much!’ I could feel the tears escaping my eyes and I turned to pull Nik down to kiss me, him wiping the tears away with his thumbs gently. ‘Thank you…I love you so much.’ I kissed him again, pulling his jacket off, followed by mine.

‘Don’t you want to get some room service first? I thought-‘

‘Oh we will. It’s only 5, we can order dinner in a bit…though I do feel bad about fucking up the flowers…’ Nik growled, ripping my shirt over my head and my pants were gone before I could blink, him throwing me into a pile of rose petals which felt like silk on my skin.

‘You’re right, dinner can wait.’

By the time we had gotten room service it was nearly 9pm and I realized how desperate this place is to keep Nik happy. I’m not sure whether it’s the rich as fuck thing or the honeymoon suite thing but either way I love it.

I talked him into coming down to the pool with me and though it was 11:30 at night the front desk opened it for us and promised us privacy.

‘This is awesome!’ I exclaimed, pulling off my top and shorts, leaving me in the forest green lingerie set that I had chosen while he ordered dinner, knowing it was his favorite set.

‘I would have told you to bring a bathing suit but I never thought you would want to go swimming.’ Nik teased, stripping to his boxers and hopping into the water.

‘No problem, I wouldn’t have if other people would have been here.’ I reached back to unclip my bra and his eyes widened. ‘Sorry, did you think I was going to ruin my panties and expensive bra by jumping into chlorine? Fuck no.’ I tossed it into the clothes pile before pulling my panties off and walking to the edge and jumping in. When I came back up I wiped my face and looked around, unable to find him, the dark room making it eerie and somehow also romantic.

His hand suddenly grabbed ahold of my ankle, pulling me under and as I opened my eyes I could see my boyfriend grinning excitedly at me. I pushed away from him, swimming backwards and seeing that he had also ditched his underwear, chasing after me until I had to breathe. ‘How is it that you’re even more gorgeous underwater?’ He teased, trying to pull me close.

‘My tits defy gravity?’ Klaus pulled me forward and pinned my tits to his chest, spinning us around playfully. ‘I’ve always wanted to go night swimming, this is amazing.’ His eyebrows went up, clearly shocked by that.

‘We’ll go to the beach and-‘

‘NO! Nopety nope nope. I meant a pool, sun up and down is when things like sharks start eating. I will not get in an ocean, pools though! I want a big pool with a waterfall and a grotto and all that, but fairy lights hanging all over above the pool as the only light, no neighbors to see me skinny dipping! I’ve always wanted to do this, it’s fun…I never thought you would join me though.’

‘You think I’m going to miss my Princess naked in a pool? You’re crazy!’ He laughed, leaning closer and pressing his lips to mine and wrapping his arms around my waist and prompting me to wrap my legs around his hips. ‘I’ll just have to get started on having a pool installed.’ At that moment he thrust his hips up and shoved himself straight up into me and I cried out, my voice echoing in the empty pool room making his eyes widen in excitement.

‘Klaus, no! No, people are going to hear and come in here to-Ahh!’ He used his grip on my waist to push and pull me on his cock, thrusting up hard which seemed to be extremely easy in the water. ‘Oh God! Fuck Nik! Don’t Stop! Please don’t stop-‘

‘Scream for me Princess! Let me hear you!’ He wrapped his arms around my body and held me almost painfully hard, shoving himself into me.

‘Yes! Oh-Ah! Fuck Klaus!’

‘That’s it Baby, scream for me! I can feel you squeezing my cock nice and tight, are you gonna cum for me? Cum all over my cock!’ As if his words were a magical trigger I felt that tightness in my belly, snap, and I cried out so loudly I worried about the glass walls shattering. ‘Gonna fill you up Baby, fill you so full it’ll stretch your insides, fuck-Fuck Ah!’ He growled, fangs pressed against my neck firmly and I held the back of his head, my fingers tangling in his wet hair before he bit into my neck. I could feel the pulls of my blood around his fangs but he was done quickly, not willing to hurt me by taking too much.

‘I didn’t see this being where our weekend went.’ I teased and he chuckled, pressing our lips together tenderly.

‘I love you.’

‘Hmm, I know. I love you too Nik.’ I told him, letting go of his hair and moving to pull away and get out but he didn’t let me go.

‘I love you so much Y/n.’ I looked back at him, curious why he’s talking like this.

‘I love you too. I know that the both of us haven’t always had love from people but I love you, do you hear me? I love you forever and that will never end! I’ll tell you every day if that’s what you need.’ He nodded slowly, as if admitting that he did, in fact, need that. ‘Good. Now let’s get back upstairs and you can pin me to a shower wall.’ I teased but he just held me firm.

‘I love you and I want you to be mine.’ I looked at him oddly.

‘I am yours you dumbass.’

He shook his head quickly. ‘Mine. All mine, in front of everyone with no reservations. I want to show you off, I want everyone to stop thinking I’m flirting with Caroline and I want men to stop thinking they can flirt with you while I can’t do anything about it…I want you.’

I had never in my life seen Klaus this open and vulnerable and I briefly wondered if anyone had. ‘Klaus, my friends-‘

‘Hate me and I’m fine with that. But if they won’t be okay with you being in love then they’re not your friends. I’m proud to show you off as mine, and I will never let any of my family say anything against you, despite how much Rebekah hates you…be mine Y/n, for real.’ I was stunned, never having expected this from him. He was the one who wanted to hide us in the first place and now here he is, wanting to tell everyone, I was just shocked. Apparently I hesitated too long because he sighed and pulled away but I grabbed ahold of him quickly, pulling him back to kiss me roughly.

‘All yours…for real. You’re gonna be the one taking me in when they kick me out of the Boarding House for fraternizing with the enemy.’ He snorted, his eyes shining in excitement. ‘You want them to kick me out, don’t you? You want me to move in with you and instead of asking you do this?’

‘Yup. You’re all mine love. Take this week to get used to waking up beside me in bed.’ I shoved his chest, making him laugh at my pathetic attempt at “hurting him” before I pulled myself up and grabbed my towel, running around the pool to the door and darting towards the elevators. I was barely covered as I pressed the button, watching the doors close just before he got to me. I giggled as I watched the numbers go up, exiting the elevator and moving to the room before arms encircled my waist, lifting me up and pinning me to the door. ‘You’re in for it now.’

‘I’m shaking, can’t you tell.’ I teased and he looked down, his face falling and looking worried as I said that.

‘You are shaking. What’s wrong?’ He worried, opening the door and whisking me inside.

‘I’m just cold from the water baby, I’m fine.’ I promised but all the joking was gone from his face and he locked the door, yanking my towel off and carrying me into the bathroom to start the warm water. ‘This is what you’re like as a boyfriend? A worry wart?’ His eyes were concerned as he rubbed my arms firmly and lifted me into the shower. ‘I could get used to it.’

‘Good. Because you’re all mine.’

Klaus Mikaelson Masterlist