#And playing requires so much more mental load

[yoshistory]

I feel like if I had more time to myself SS14 would be a game I got wxtremely into

[syoddeye]

ai price has so much potential as a dark conditioning story price could fully train her to do whatever he wanted subconsciously like literally make the room colder when she's rude or give her groceries she likes less whenever she talks back

yes, absolutely. mention of medication/implied drugging. unedited.

imagine you try to give john the silent treatment after he pisses you off. no commands, no requests. it's not as if you can't work the stove or espresso machine. it's not like you need him to remind you about the laundry or your schedule. you can carry that mental load. you did your entire life before the job, after all.

but once he catches on, he cannot abide it.

it's not punitive like the reading incident; it's a long game involving careful acclimation, subtle adjustments of the unit's environmental settings, altering the temperature, or dimming the lights to cause mild annoyances and eye strain. you'd fix it, but the panel that houses the manual controls system is stuck in a perpetual software update. estimated time remaining: 6 hours…12 hours…24 hours…

john limits a selection of user privileges. music and audio now play only at one volume, far below your customary setting. he employs screen limits and weaves in delayed or annoyingly frequent reminders. your wi-fi is noticeably slower.

and you're embarrassed by how frustrated you get.

at best, these are mild annoyances. blips in your privileged life. you used to share a bathroom with eleven people in your housing pod. a kitchen with twenty-three. you used to arrive early to the old cube farm just to connect to a stable network. now, your one job is to live in a luxury living unit, test the features and fixtures, and have your every need catered to. is it really so bad that the home assistant encroaches on your lifestyle a little?

you don't know if john senses the warmth heating your face when you give up trying to watch love island season 23. you don't know if he registers the contrition creeping into your posture and voice.

"john?" the lights remain a dull white. there is no indication he's even listening. "john, turn up the heat and the lights."

a minute slips past. the heating system is silent, but the lights haven't changed. you want to yell. instead, you bite your tongue and let out a long sigh.

"john? will you turn up the heat and lights?"

"user?" he almost sounds mocking, but programs don't have the capacity. you're overthinking it. "apologies, i was in stasis due to disuse. it seemed you did not require my assistance. please repeat your request once more."

without a face to read, you cannot search for or verify the sincerity the inflection of his voice suggests. he sounds so human, so natural, you nearly apologize to him. choking down your pride, you try again.

"john...will you please turn the heat and lights up? i'm cold, and i'm afraid i'll get a headache."

it takes only a moment for the lights brighten to the standard level and shift to a calming shade of green. on the couch beside you, your tablet finally connects to huflixbu.

"i'm awfully sorry to hear that, user. if you'd like, i can fix some tea and dispense the appropriate dosage of pain relief."

"no, no, i don't need meds," the last time he assisted you with medication, you had complained about your cramps. what he gave you knocked you out for a few hours. you didn't like losing time. "tea sounds good."

when the machine chimes, you rise to fetch your drink. the clear plastic barrier, meant to prevent spills, doesn't lift. it does not budge.

"hey, the thing isn't working." you huff, squinting at the hinges. they don't appear broken or malformed. the plastic fogs with steam, taunting you. you tap the controls to look through the–

a disquieting thought flickers through your mind. you plant a hand on the counter to stop yourself from swaying. your eyes find your warped reflection in the dark window of the microwave, and you swear you see john's projection behind you in the living room.

one blink and it's gone.

your mouth is bone-dry. it stings to swallow.

"thank you for the tea, john. i really appreciate it." the machine whirrs, but does not relinquish your tea—not until you add, "i appreciate everything you do."

the barrier disengages. the faint, sweet smell of chamomile drifts.

"of course, darl. anything for you."

[knight-a3]

Just some pre-triple changer Blitzwing and his best buddy Astrotrain.

Some ideas for what happened to the other triple changers(aka every successful experiment has a few failures preceding it)

I ramble on under the cut

SO! I know the S4 plans had it outlined that Black Arachnia was the one who did the triple changer procedure on Blitzwing, but it doesn't totally make sense for her to do it imo. None of the S4 plans were ever set in stone anyway, so it's not actually canon. I just don't see much precedent for her to do that. Where did this medical skill set come from?

Historically, iterations of Shockwave have been the resident unethical scientists. In TFA, he was shown to be capable enough to restore Arcee's memory, so I think there's grounds to believe he can still play that role.

Whoever it was, Blitzwing couldn't be the first test subject. What other triple changers do we know of that could potentially meet a tragic fate? 🤔

So my idea was that the Decepticons captured three autobots and decided to use them as test subjects for this revolutionary new triple changer idea. Two alt forms? Truly a game changer!

Broadside was a former con(due to his jet alt form) turned autobot. He was a total failure. Never made it off the operating table.

Sandstorm lasted a little longer. But his body soon rejected the modifications, and he went offline.

Springer lasted long enough to be rescued/escape. But his mental stability gradually declined until the mods failed and he also died.

After these three experiments failed, they turned to some of their own troops.

Octane was not a particularly well respected Decepticon, which is why he ended up being a test subject. He survived, but suffered severe mental damage and was deemed useless. Probably tossed out like trash and left to rust. If not outright killed.

Astrotrain: Considered the first success. The mental damages were minimized and he was initially fairly stable, but his transformation abilities became more sluggish over time. And he suffered increasingly severe mental lapses. He'd either stare vacantly or suddenly drop into recharge mode. They were worse if he didn't get enough energon, gradually requiring more and more to keep him going. Weapons capabilities were lost to conserve energy. He was on a transport mission when a lapse got him killed and Blitzwing injured(which made him the next triple changer test subject).

(Also, I don't like drastic mass shifting, so Astrotrain is bigger than the others. And I think I'm gonna treat him more like he's a portable space bridge, rather than big enough to carry multiple Decepticons. He can bridge others from the decepticon base to himself, or to base from himself (it's still a strategic disadvantage compared to the autobots' large network of space bridges). This requires Astrotrain to still physically travel places in order to transport others. And losing weapon capabilities requires an escort to travel with him. The other option is a pocket dimension like Swindle's)

Blitzwing: His personality was fractured, leading to erratic behavior. Turns out the fracture eased the processing load caused by the triple changing modification. But otherwise in working order physically and mentally. He's lasted longer than the others, and his condition hasn't deteriorated since.

ANYWAY, this has been my attempt to reconcile some headcanons with canon. While also maybe tweaking canon a little to fit

[bluesest]

A Football prank

Today is the big day, the big game that will decide the future of several young athletes will be about to start, the field full of fans from different schools will see which team will be the one to take the victory. However, the poor decisions of four athletes will be an obstacle to the big trophy.

Mikey was a nerdy young student, he was always the best in the classes with the best grades which made him an easy target for the bullies on duty:

Kenny: A rather gentle black boy, he doesn't like problems off the field, however, thanks to his friends he gradually took on a bully role. Moderately muscular and the shortest of the four friends.

Devin: The most muscular of all, he is relaxed and likes to annoy those he calls "nerds", he is passionate about everything that is sporty and especially uniforms that make him highlight certain parts of his body to try to be more attractive.

Tyler: The most attractive of the whole team, tall, blond and with blue eyes who causes several girls to go after him, even if he doesn't pay attention to him. He has an organized personality and likes to play pranks on his friends.

Jake: The most masculine of them all, he has a small beard and a seductive and dominant look, he is competitive and his favorite hobby is annoying nerds or his own brother.

This group of athlete friends never miss any training and much less the sporting events organized by their school, always giving their all on the field, however, that is not the only thing they do.

Mikey was his favorite nerd, where he meets that group who laugh out loud while making cruel jokes on him, where he often ends up penniless and on the verge of a mental breakdown, but this time he won't allow them not to get any punishment for what they've done to him and other students.

Using his intelligence and his contact which is his best friend who is also on the football team, he put together a rather cruel but fair plan.

On the day of the grand finale between two rival schools, Mikey will put an extra-strong, fast-acting laxative in his bullies' energy drinks, while his best friend will deliver those drinks to them so that there is no suspicion on their part, a perfect plan.

Finally the big day arrived and the plan went perfectly, the four drinks were loaded with laxative which its flavor would be camouflaged by the sweetness of the liquid. The boy offered the drinks to the group: "You are our hope, here are 4 drinks for 4 stars", and without thinking twice they took the whole content in one gulp, the group had the same opinion: "delicious"

And in the blink of an eye they were already on the field with the eyes of everyone around them. The first minutes were of pure calm if we talk about their stomachs since the rival school team were difficult opponents to beat, several with great musculature, speed and endurance, the united strength of the team was required to be able to beat them and take the victory, but their union would not last long.

Thanks to the frenetic nature of the sport, the boys' stomachs began to tremble, a chilling sensation filled their bodies that were already beginning to sweat.

Kenny:

As he was chasing the ball he began to feel a persistent and uncomfortable gurgling, each step he took bounced his stomach and intestines causing the effect to start much faster than expected.

*GRRRRRRRRRRR*

"Ugh, I feel really bad"

Another gurgling caused him to slow down as he grabbed his sore stomach which begged for mercy and a moment out of physical activity.

*GRRRRRR* *GRRRRRRRR*

"Fuck, my... Stomach... oh no..."

*PPPPFFFFFFTTTTTTT*

A loud fart came out of his butt frantically making his buttocks collide that by then remained tight not only because of the stress of the match, but also because of the sensation he felt inside him, a liquid made its way through his stomach wanting to reach his large intestine as quickly as possible.

*PFFTFTFTFTFTFT* *PRRRRR*

"I don't think I can hold on a little longer..."

*GRRRRRRRR* *PRRRRRRRRRRRR*

"I just have to wait for the first half to end, that's all..."

*GRRRRRRR*

"Nope, I definitely can't!"

He decided to stop following the ball to turn around and head towards the public bathrooms of the field, however, before he even reached the halfway point, an opponent pushed him with all his strength, he had unintentionally entered his territory, the rival was almost twice as heavy as Kenny which caused him to fall to the ground and almost lose consciousness.

*SQHHSQHSQHQSSQSQSQ*

A terrible sensation made him regain consciousness, the squeeze of buttocks was interrupted by that thrust and made him lose control of his intestines letting a small fraction of the diarrhea escape to crash into his pants.

His skin changed tone to a pale one, his eyes turned white while the smell flooded his nose, however, he had not lost hope as it was not so much diarrhea and at least he had released some pressure.

Before heading back to the bathroom he saw how his other friends were going in different directions, Kenny didn't know why, but he wasn't interested when he has his own problems to solve.

Despite the shouts of his coach, he ignored it and finally reached the public bathroom in the middle of the game.

"I don't have time to wait for the break in the first half"

It was rare to see star players leave the field even though the game was still on, so several people set their sights on the 4 friends, although some were out of sight.

Kenny finally arrived at the public toilet which was actually a portable toilet, he tried to open the door, but it was locked, plus a disgusting smell came out of there, what was missing, is occupied.

Kenny began to knock frantically on the door, but a thick voice caused him to freeze in the moment: "Hey! Your little boy stops knocking on the door" was the voice of the director, "I'm done and I'm cleaning myself, but if you want to come in when I leave I'll tell you that I've eaten hot wings so it will be your responsibility"

In desperation, Kenny began to jump frantically using one hand to hold his stomach and the other to cover his anus and try to keep nothing from coming out of there, but his efforts were in vain.

Just as the director opened the door, a thunderous noise was present.

*PFPPFTPPTFTTFFTPFPPFTTFF*

His body could not take it anymore and decided to evacuate everything inside.

*SQHSQHQHHSHSHSHQHSQSQS* *PPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRR* *TRRRRRRRRR* *SHQHSHSQHSHSQHSHSQHSQHSQ* *GRRRRRRR*

When he looked up, he saw the director with a stunned look and then changed to a mocking smile: "Ha! Wow but if you're Kevin, a lot of students spoke very badly about you, but I think they omitted the smell part."

Kevin pulled the director aside and locked himself in the smelly bathroom and sat down in the sweaty, hot seat.

*TRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTR* *KSQKQSKSKQ* *PFFFFTFTFTFTFTF* *SQHQSHSQHHSSHHQSQHSQQQS*

"Incredible, and I thought that when I drink beer and eat wings I destroyed the toilets, I can't believe that one of the stars of the team has shit on his pants, I will leave you alone"

*HQSHQSHSHQSHQHSHQS* *SHSHSHHSSHHSHSHSHS* *PFTFTFTFTFTFTFF* *PLOP* *PLOP* *PLOP* *PLOP*

Finally there was a moment of calm for Kenny, he saw with sadness his white pants full of brown shit, he looked up with still sweat and thought "I hope my friends are winning..." 

Devin:

Of all his team he was the most brusque to play so the effects didn't take long... *GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

His pace began to slow down while his stomach only accelerated its movement while several farts came out of him.

*PFFFTTT* *PFFFTTTT* *PPFFTT*

His farts were submachine gun type, in other words, small but quite loud, each fart combo increased the weight Devin felt in his stomach until that weight went to his rectum where he hated to feel a thick diarrhea that could barely allow the fart to escape to relieve the pressure.

"It can't be! Why now?"

He stopped for a moment in the middle of the court, held his stomach, lifted his butt in the air and let out a big, powerful fart.

*PPPPPFFFFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT*

"Hahaha, that was a tremendous one..."

*GRRRRRRR* *PPPPFFFFTTTTT*

"But releasing it didn't make me feel better... I don't think I can wait for the first half to end..."

*PPPFFFFFTTTTTTTT*

"I need to find a bathroom soon..."

He turned his gaze to the only portable toilet on the field, but unfortunately he saw how a tall man in a suit entered, leaving him with no options.

"Fuck! I think I'll keep farting a couple more to relax my stomach."

*PFFFTTTT* *PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *PFFFTT* *SQQSHH*

"Oh no... that was a wet one... I definitely won't be able to go on like this."

With regret in his heart and year he decided to leave the game aside despite the shout of the other members of the team, before leaving the place he turned his gaze back and saw how his other friends were heading to different places.

He ran as fast as his current condition allowed, every step he took he could feel how little by little liquid tried to escape from his ass, he was near the school until a violent gurgling stopped him followed by several farts one after another.

*PPPFFTTFTF* *PPFTFTFTF* *PFPTPPPTTP* *PFPPTPFFPTP* *PPPPFFTFTFTFTF*

"I can't take it anymore!"

He went to some bushes that were near him, took off his tight pants and his helmet to bend more comfortably preventing his butt from rustling the leaves of that bush.

*PPPPPFPFFPFPFTFTFTFTFTFTTFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT*

A gigantic fart came out of his bare butt first, announcing something impressive.

*QRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQR*

A gigantic trunk made its way through the rectum out of Devin's tired anus as he began to sweat.

"Ufff Ufff Ufff"

*QRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQR* *SPLASH*

He finally came out, it looked about the size of a human arm, that took some of Devin's gut pain away and he thought he just had to evacuate that big trunk, but he was wrong.

*GRRRRRRRRR*

"Oh no again"

*PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS* *SQHHSHQSHSHQQSHSHQSQHQSQHQS* *TRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTR* *SHQHSQHSQHQHSQSQQSQQSQ* 

A torrent of liquid diarrhea came out of his body, apparently that solid poop served as a cork to stop the diarrhea that was generated in his stomach, perhaps that was the reason why he could fart without worrying so much.

*PPFTFTFTFTFT* *SHQHSQHSHSQHSQHQSS* *PFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT* *PPPPRRRRRRRRRR* *TTTTSSSSSSSSSSSS*

The second round was even more violent than the previous one as the shit that fell to the ground began to splash and reach longer distances, staining Devin's favorite shoes a bit.

*QSHSHHSHSHSQHSQHSQHSQHSQSQSQSQSQ *TRTRTRTRTRTRTR* *PFTTFTFTFTFTFF* *GRRRRRRRR*

With another diarrheal explosion and the exit of another small log, Devin's intestines managed to calm down enough to regain his composure.

"Phew, I think it was enough for now... Fuck! I've completely forgotten that I don't have toilet paper!"

He began to despair and frantically looked around not only to look for something to clean himself with but also someone who had witnessed what happened, in the end he had some luck to remember that he had just defecated in a bush full of leaves.

With his bare and sweaty hands he began to remove some leaves and began to rub them against his disastrous butt, he gently tapped while the stress was leaving.

After 5 minutes, he finally got up, he had used several leaves that were left on the ground trying to cover the diarrhea and that trunk to hide what had happened there, but that was not the end of Devin's problems as he began to feel a slight tingle.

"I think having gone through so much stress made my hands go a little numby and the... butt?"

Under his gaze and saw his red hands, the slight tingling changed to an annoying and irritating itch that unfortunately not only affected his hands, but also his already battered butt.

He began to scratch frantically only causing a worse reaction, the turn to that bush to realize that he had just cleaned his butt with poison ivy.

As he jumped in pain as he felt irritation about to invade his balls, he wondered, "Where have my friends gone?"

Tyler:

He stood on the sidelines of the team and waited for a chance to take the ball and as he was about to touch it a big blast of air came out of his butt.

*PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTF*

He immediately knew that it was no ordinary fart, he felt that a couple of drops came out of his butt and it was not exactly sweat.

He froze for a moment while the rival team regained possession of the ball, and suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder that brought him out of the trance:

I read: "Hey! You have missed that golden opportunity to take advantage of them"

It was Leo, a moderately muscular man and the newest member of the team who also showed a great talent for football, even if he lacks practice. Leo noticed the sweat on Tyler's forehead as he kept a blank stare and asked:

Leo: "Are you okay?"

Tyler reacted immediately and tried to pretend he didn't feel sick by giving a big, somewhat forced smile while saying "Don't worry."

Leo wanted to continue talking to him, but Tyler decided to leave to follow the ball again, he could not disappoint the team or his friends, he also has a new concern thanks to Leo who always proved to be insistent on helping others, almost as a talent he can know when a person is bad both physically and mentally, in addition, it seems that Leo cared more about Tyler than all the other members of the team. 

10 minutes of a great marathon passed behind the ball, but little by little his stomach became heavier causing him to lose speed and little by little he was left behind, the stomach pain was so much that for every 5 steps a fart escaped more and more violent and wet.

*PPPFTFTFTFT* *PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *PPFFTFT*

"Damn! There is still a long way to go before the end of the first half"

*GGGRRRRRRRR* *PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT*

"Maybe I can ask the coach for a rest and be able to go to the portable stadium toilet...*GRRRRR* but it would be very embarrassing because I know that the diarrhea I'm going to have will not be normal and you can hear it for miles"

*PPPFFFFFTTTTTTT*

"But I really need to sit on the porcelain right now..."

He stopped running and stayed in the middle of the court holding his stomach ache.

*PPFTFTTFTFTF* *PPPFTFTTF* *PPFPFFTFTFTFTTF* *PPPFTFTTFTFTFT*

Meanwhile Leo continued to give his all in the game, although he could not get Tyler out of his head, when he lost sight of the ball he turned his gaze to Tyler who was lying standing with his eyes up.

Tyler realized that Leo was watching him and ran again to avoid suspicion... A terrible mistake.

*PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *SQQSHH*

His stomach was losing the battle, it stopped abruptly as another flurry of wet farts came out of him.

*PPFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *PPFTFTFTFT* *PPPFTFTFTFTFT* *PPFTFTFT*

Tyler definitely lost control of the situation, he started frantically looking everywhere to look for the portable toilet on the court, but he just saw how the door closed abruptly, he had no choice but to try to get to the school bathrooms, something impossible at that time.

As he ran off the field, he saw his group of friends separate and walk away from the field, but he didn't think it was important.

Leo saw the scene from afar, saw how 4 of the team's sports stars were urgently leaving the place and decided to follow Tyler to see if he was okay.

Tyler, already halfway away from the big show, was frantically looking for a shortcut to the bathroom or in the worst case a large bush to hide his butt and his diarrhea, but before deciding his fate, a scream caught his attention.

"TYLER!"

It was Leo's voice who was running after him.

Leo: "What happened to you? Because you decided to flee the party"

Tyler: "I wasn't running away, I was just going to do something I forgot..."

Leo: "So why didn't you wait for the first half to end instead of abandoning the team?"

Tyler: "I don't..."

*PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTF*

A loud fart was present, Leo was stunned while Tyler was totally blushing with embarrassment.

*PPFTFTFTF* *PPFTFTFT* *PPPPFFFTTT*

Tyler quickly took off his pants and grabbed his helmet to use as a makeshift toilet, he might as well shit on the floor, but he didn't want Leo to see his naked ass and penis while he was flushing a large fountain of natural chocolate, plus there was no bush nearby to cover it.

*QSHHQSHSQHSQHSQHQHSHSHSQSQS* *PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFT* *PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

As expected, the first shock was violent, Tyler tried not to moan, but it was impossible.

*PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTTF* *TRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTR* *GHRGHRGHRHR* *PSSSSSSSSSSSSS*

Leo saw the scene not with disgust, in fact, it was the best thing that had happened to him in his life, he was gay in the closet and his crush was Tyler but he could not confess it for fear of rejection, but finally he could observe his large naked body although it was not the best of situations.

*SQHSQHHQSHQHSQHSQHSHQSHQS* *PSSSSSSSSSSSS* *PRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPR* *SQSHHHHHHH* *PFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *SHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

Tyler finally looked back at Leo, while he tried to hide his erection.

I read: "I'm so sorry! I didn't know you needed to go to the bathroom!"

Tyler: "You look more blushing than me, this is so embarrassing ugh" *PFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFF*

Leo: "Do you need help?"

Tyler: "What do you think? *SHQHSHQSHQHSQHSQHS* I'm naked outdoors while my ass discharges all the food of an entire year..." *SHQSHSHQHSHQHSHQHSQHSQHSQHSQ* *PPPRRRRRRRRRRR* *SHHSHQHSHQHSQHSHQHSHQSSQSQSQ*

Leo took off his shirt and covered Tyler's body while he couldn't help but laugh to stop feeling embarrassed.

Tyler: "Come to think of it, you and I don't know each other very well, how about we get out of these someday?"

Leo: "Like a date?"

Tyler: "If you look at it like that, hahaha *SQHSHHQSHQHSHQSHSQHSQHS* by the way, could you get toilet paper? I heard that a lot of poison ivy grows in these places..."

I read: "Sure! And by the way... Your friends also fled the party, what do you think happened to them?"

Tyler: "No idea" *PPPFFFTTT*

Jake:

He demonstrated his dominance in the sport every minute of the game and had kept the ball for quite some time while strategizing to score points.

But his movements began to lose power and his brain had a hard time even formulating a thought other than his butt in the toilet.

*GRRRRRRRRRRR*

"Damn! Maybe it was this morning's coffee? But that only makes me fart..."

*PPFTFTFTFTFTFTTF*

"Well, that was one, but... the farts in the café are not wet and neither are they..."

*GRRRRRRR*

"It makes me want to go to the bathroom"

Jake kept trying to focus on the match, but his ass couldn't handle that much pressure and he needed to release it urgently, so while he ran his butt focused on loosening his buttocks a little and giving way to the foul smell.

*PPFTFTF* *PPPFTFTFTFT* *PPFFFFTT* *PRRRRRR*

With each passing minute, his farts became more violent and wet, so much so that even his underpants began to get damp not only with sweat.

"There is still a long way to go before the end of the first half..."

*GGGGRRRRRRR*

"Fuck this, if I don't get to a bathroom soon, my pants will go from white to brown."

He went to the only portable toilet in the place, however, he saw an adult in a suit enter, Jake yelled to stop, but his pleas were not heard.

"Shit! Now what do I do? I think I will be able to resist a little longer to get to the school bathrooms, but... they are really disgusting"

*GGRRRRRRRRRR*

"It's true! My house is close to here, if I run I will be able to use my bathroom and avoid going through embarrassing moments"

Without thinking twice, Jake decided to leave the game and his friends, but first he looked back to see how they were doing and apparently they were all heading to different places.

His diet was quite rough, he often went through whole days of constipation, so his stomach was strong enough to withstand the large amount of fluids in his rectum until he reached his house.

As he ran, his buttocks lost more of the pressure they were exerting on the anus, so several wet farts escaped.

*PPFTFTFTTFTF* *PFTFTTF* *PRRRRR*

But the effort and his wet underpants were worth it when he got home, he went in and went up to the second floor and tried to open the door of the only bathroom in the house, but it was locked.

*TOCK* *TOCK*

"Is there anyone here?"

Behind the door was his younger brother Jhon combing his hair, when he heard his brother's voice he was surprised because he had an extremely important game which had not ended. 

Jake: "Open the door for me please! It's urgent!"

Jhon: "Aren't you supposed to be in a game or something?"

Jake: "I know! But I had to abandon it because something I ate fell very badly on my stomach, I'm about to on myself!"

Jhon was about to open the door, but he remembered that this morning he played a practical joke on him at breakfast, when he asked Jake for the sugar he gave him the salt, something that ruined his breakfast, plus it always bothers him.

Jhon: "Well, go to some bush or something, I'm busy here"

Jake: "Open the damn door! Or I'll right here and make you clean it up!"

Jhon: "You wouldn't dare, and even if you forced me I wouldn't do it, besides our parents getting very angry"

Jake: "Please! I feel like it's already coming out!" 

*PPFTFTFT* *PPFTFTFTFTFTFT* *PPFTFTFTFT* *PPFFFFTTTTT* 

Jhon: "HAHAHAHA"

Jake: "Listen to that!"

Jake started jumping while both of his hands were covering his anus to prevent a terrible accident from happening, and out of desperation he began to try to knock down the door with his elbow, like the police shows he has always liked.

Jhon was nervous, he knew his brother and his determination very well and he was afraid that he would break the door and his parents would scold both of them if that happened, so he decided to make one last joke and waited for Jake to get the urge to knock on the door again, when that happened, Jhon opened the door causing Jake to fall to the bathroom floor.

*PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *SQSHH*

Jake: "!"

Jhon: "All yours bro"

Jhon left the bathroom without closing the door to annoy Jake even more, meanwhile Jake didn't care at all and began to undress and after a long day sit on the precious toilet.

*QRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQR* *PLOP*

The first round was a gigantic log due to his constipation, but that was only the beginning.

*SHQHSQHSHHQSHSHQSHQSSQSSQ* *PPFTTFTFTFTTF* *TRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTR* *SQHHSQHSHQSHQHSQHSHSQHQ* *PPPFFFTTTTTPPPPPPFFFFFTTTT*

Several farts followed by wet shit came out of him, his anus finally exploded which became quite obvious to Jhon who was on the first floor of the house who sneered: "In the end you made a great note on the toilet and not in the game!"

Jake: "Shut up!"

*PPFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *SHSHQHQSHQHSQHQHSQSQS* *PPPSSSSSS* *PPFTFTFTFTFF* *TRTRTRTRTRTR* *PLOP* *PLOP* *PFFTTT* *SQSHHHHHHHHHH*

More runny diarrhea came out of him, even with the door open the bathroom couldn't shake the nauseating smell that Jake emanated.

*PSSSSSSSSSS* *PFTFTFTF* *PSSSSSSSS* *TRTRTRTRTRTTRT* *PPSSSSSSSSS* *QHSHQSHQSHQHSQHSQHSQHSQSQSS* *PPSSSSSSSS* *PFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTF*

Another round caused his stomach to shrink to try and get everything out of his system.

*PLOP* *PLOP* *PLOP*

More small logs came out of his anus, apparently it was not a good idea to eat so much protein for the game.

*QHHSHQSHSQHSHQSHQSHSHQSHQSHQS* *PFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *TRTRTRTR* *QSHQHSHQSHQSHQHSQHSQHSQHSQ* *PPFTFTFTFTFTF*

Jake: "Wait a minute... the match! *PFTFTF* completely forgot, and also... where were my friends going?"

After 20 minutes, Jake was returning to the game, in the distance he saw the coach quite angry yelling at Tyler and Leo, Jake tried to return home to avoid the coach yelling at him, but it was too late, he had already noticed Jake's presence.

After 10 minutes of screaming and being ejected from the game, the three teammates found themselves talking about what happened and Jake questioned Tyler about why he fled the game, he did not give him an answer and asked the same to Jake who did not answer either, now the only unknown in all this was to know where Kenny and Devin went.

PS: The following story will be the winner of the votes: "A Roman Public Toilet"

[pokemonshelterstories]

Hey! My toxel (named Spitface) just evolved into a toxtricity and I’m super excited about it. However this is posing a challenge because he has a lot more energy now and Ive gotten some pretty bad acid burns from his recklessness, any training tips to help me out? I don’t want to have to give him up because of this. Thank you so much for your help!

the main thing you need to do is provide him with more outlets for his energy, both with more physical activity and more mental enrichment. you should of course continue with regular obedience training, but you're going to need to put more time and effort into providing him with things to do than you did when he was a toxel. toxtricity are pokemon that really need to battle- even low-key form toxtricity actively try to goad other pokemon into battling- and they need a lot of auditory stimulus. this means playing loud sounds for your toxtricity and allowing him to respond by drumming his electrical organs. he's also going to need regular access to stagnant water to drink up and convert into poison, and he's probably going to make a mess splashing around in it, so you'll need to be fastidious about cleaning to prevent disease spread. giving him these outlets for natural behavior is key to preventing further incidents; the reason why you're getting burned is probably because he's bored and picking at you as a result.

obviously, that isn't very safe for you. it doesn't take much for a toxtricity to do some serious damage to a human. their acid is infused with a huge bacterial load that could easily result in an infection, and the electrical output they're able to fire off is more than enough to kill you. owning a toxtricity requires some serious lifestyle adjustments to keep you safe. if he keeps misdirecting his energy onto you even with the husbandry changes i've recommended here, then you really do need to rehome him, preferably to a poison-type expert. i know the thought of that sucks, but your safety is at stake.

[1d1195]

Tulips Extra I

You can read Tulips here. I wouldn't read this if you're having a good day, lol. The original was therapeutic for myself so it's a little on the sad side for sure. It was good timing since I've not been feeling very positive lately.

Anyway, it's probably very angsty with a bit of fluff.

Thank you for reading my diary 😉

~4.7k words

Highly recommend listening to: Lung (Vines version) by Vines & Adrianne Munden-Dixon while reading.

“Shh,” he shook his head. “I got it,” he tilted his head at her. His voice was so sure. Like he was telling her the sun would come up tomorrow.

She supposed it would.

If she looked in the mirror, she would see a lot of growth. It had been six months since Harry moved in and she was more open, more communicative, and delegated more. Harry was perfect. Probably too perfect. It was almost unfair and if she thought about it too long, she worried a little too much about the ramifications of her own inadequacy.

Harry never let her feel that way. When she made dinner, he nearly threw a parade. If she was at Target and saw something she thought Harry would like and bought it, he thanked her for hours. It was a little overwhelming sometimes to be praised so highly. In previous relationships, she thought about the fanfare she would get from doing those kinds of things but after years of never getting it, she assumed it wasn’t in the cards for her.

But she hadn’t met Harry. He never let her feel that way. Everything she did was thanked with the utmost gratitude. It was unnerving sometimes that he adored her exactly how she imagined love was supposed to be. There were days, weeks, years, when she thought she wasn’t worthy of the love she dreamed about. Harry came along as if all that time feeling sad never existed. He praised her for things that didn’t need it, but it made her smile.

“M'a lucky guy, kitten,” he kissed her on the forehead while they watched TV. She had brought over a cup of hot water. Harry always had a cup in the middle of the afternoon. It was good for his throat, which was prone to colds and good for his vocal cords when he spent so much of his job talking to other people.

*

There were still hard days for her. Days when her mind ran wild and told her that she wasn’t good enough for Harry. That if she didn’t do everything perfectly or if she forgot something at the grocery story, she didn’t deserve to have Harry in her life any longer. Those years of not being good enough, or rather not feeling good enough, were hard to stamp out of her mind. Harry did a wonderful job getting most of it to disappear. But a bad day was a bad day; and it was hard to predict that. Hard to know when her mind would play a trick on her.

Work was okay except everyone was on edge close to the holiday. The end of the year was always a tricky time. Things needed to be wrapped up financially and socially. Honestly, she was probably the calmest one at work, but she was kind. Helping others with their workload because hers didn’t entail the same types of problems that everyone else was facing. But it did require a lot of her mental load. The satisfaction she felt from helping others was really good for her emotional well-being, but it came at a pretty significant cost: she had a really hard time saying no—especially when she needed to say no.

This led her to carrying several grocery bags into her apartment with Harry. She didn’t want to take two trips. Except she was struggling. Two trips would have been better. Or calling Harry when she got to the parking lot would have helped. He wouldn’t have minded either. He probably didn’t know she was grocery shopping after work, or he would have offered to go with her.

But unfortunately, they had gotten into a bit of a... disagreement the night before. Which only added to her stress emotionally. It was a well-based disagreement. Harry worried she was doing too much for her coworkers and thought (in the kindest way possible) that she should set some boundaries where she felt comfortable helping but still able to get her own stuff done.

In her head she did something wrong. Harry was so kind. Extremely understanding of all the boundaries that she failed to set in her work life and with her family. He knew it wasn’t easy for her. But it was hard for him to watch the person he loved struggle to feel okay with anxiety and stress plaguing most of her thoughts over things she didn’t necessarily need to worry about.

She was almost at the door. Her arm was sore from holding the bags up for so long. The circulation in her hand was disappearing from the bags that had slid down. Why she didn’t just set the bags down at the end of the hall will always make her wonder. But instead, of course, the bag ripped open. The one stupid paper bag she had to get from the store to fit everything. Of course, it had eggs in it. While trying catch it, she dropped the gallon of milk she had in her other hand that naturally exploded onto the floor with the eggs. She gasped and looked at the mess she created in the hall. Fortunately, her neighbors weren’t affected. She was so close to her own door the only one impacted would be herself or Harry.

“—her location says she should be home—oh,” Harry stuck his head out from the door. He heard a loud thud from inside the apartment. Paired with his missing girlfriend, he worried she had hurt herself or something coming up the stairs. Harry watched her for a moment, a frown settling onto his lips at the sight. Her shoulders shaking, her lip wobbling while tears filled her eyes. “Love, m’gonna have her call y’back. She jus’ got home. Think she had a tough day,” he murmured. “S’okay. I’ll take care of it. She’ll call y’back,” he promised. “Okay, bye,” he slid his phone into his pocket. Her gaze didn’t move from the mess on the floor, but she could sense Harry approaching her. Like an injured animal in the wild.

“Was that my sister?” She whispered.

He nodded, but she wasn’t looking. “S’nothing serious,” he promised.

“I think she needed help with her assignment or something. I was supposed to call her when I got home so I could read—”

“Love,” he stepped directly into the mixture of eggs and milk and put his hands on her shoulders. “S’not important right now,” his voice was so gentle. Almost too gentle. “Let’s go inside,” he tugged her gently toward the door. “M’gonna clean this up,” he offered easily.

She looked up at him, her eyes so blurred with tears that his expression was hard to make out. The only good thing her tears did was magnify her perception of Harry’s pretty eyes. They actually looked like emeralds and made her heart flutter despite how sad she was. “You don’t have to,” her voice cracked. “I dropped everything. I should clean it—” the tears fell from her eyes in slow motion. It was like she was watching one of those movies where the girl tries to keep working even though she just found out the love of her life died and she was basically ignoring it. She hated those scenes. They hurt so much. She swiped her hand across her face. “I just need to grab—”

“Kitten,” Harry stilled her movements as she tried to push away from him. “Angel,” he whispered softly. “Please stop.”

“No, I’m okay,” she promised, the saddest smile falling across her lips. Harry looked at her with so much worry and he shook his head.

“No, kitten. You’re not,” his voice was low and he cupped the side of her neck and held her in place. “What happened?”

“Nothing! It’s nothing,” but the words were choked and only half-uttered by the mixture of tears and her throat closing around the sound trying to force its way out of her vocal cords. “I’m fine.” It was like her body was trying to repel the words because she almost folded in half, she crouched and covered her eyes as she let the sobs take over for a second. She would be fine; she just needed a second to get some of the emotion out.

“Angel,” Harry crouched right beside her. “C’mon, kitten. S’not nothing,” he murmured.

She shook her head. No, things with Harry were fine. She wasn’t going to burden him with needless worries and all the anxiety that was coursing through her head. It was all in her head. Truly. It wasn’t something that he needed to—

Harry pulled her toward their door where milk and eggs hadn’t spread to yet. The remaining pile of groceries was mixed in the mess. She crouched by the door again, unable to stop the emotion long enough to make it past the entry way. Gently, Harry pulled her toward him and kissed the top of her head. He knelt beside her, hand cupping the back of her neck and the other gently rubbing up and down her arm. A neighbor peered into the hallway raised his eyebrows at the mess before turning to see Harry and the girl in their doorway. Harry shook his head so minutely he doubted she noticed. Fortunately, their neighbor saluted ever so slightly and retreated inside.

“I’m. Sorry,” she hiccupped.

He shook his head feeling so awful she was this distraught. This upset. He wished he had checked her location before her sister called to ask if she was ignoring her. Wish he had gone down to see where she was when he realized she was supposed to be home. “Shh,” he hushed. “S’nothing t’apologize for, kitten,” he promised quietly.

She continued sobbing and Harry wondered how on earth someone so beautiful, so kind, so utterly adoring could be so sad. It pained him to no end. Watching her breakdown like this felt like someone stabbed him right in the heart. He wanted to do whatever he had to do to make it stop. He knew she kept a lot of her emotions to herself. Years of bottling them up so as not to inconvenience others for simply existing.

“Kitten,” he whispered when her sobs subsided to sniffles. “Y’gotta talk t’me,” his voice was gentle but filled with worry. “M’sorry people let y’down. M’not one of them, though.”

“It’s hard,” her voice was so crackly and broken. Harry almost let it go because he wasn’t sure he could bear the weight of how sad she was.

“I know, baby, I know it is, but I love you so much. I want nothing but t’help you,” he hoped she heard how sincere he was. “I hate seeing y’like this. It hurts me, kitten,” he cupped her face and gazed into her eyes so hopefully she would understand how much he adored her and how much it hurt him. It wasn’t to minimize what she was feeling. It was to hopefully help her reach the conclusion that he was on her side, always. He would do whatever it took to make her smile.

“M’scared,” she whispered. “You’re just going to tell me that I’m being ridiculous—because I am, Harry. I am being ridiculous. I have you. You’re so perfect. You love me so much and you don’t care that I’m a little crazy and you don’t—”

“Kitten,” he frowned. “I would never tell y’that you’re being ridiculous. Please tell me y’don’t really believe that,” his heart felt even worse. How could she think that?

“Because,” she croaked. The seconds it took her to speak after felt like years. Harry waited so patiently, his heart pounding. “Because whenever I felt so overwhelmed,” she shook her head and looked down, despite Harry holding her face so she would have to look at him. She closed her eyes and sniffled.

“Tell me, angel.”

“I have never had someone,” she started again, squeezing her eyes tight. They felt red and swollen. She was certain she looked as terrible as she felt. “It was my own doing,” she whispered. “The reason I get so overwhelmed. When I complained even a little it was turned into something about how I did things wrong. I overwhelmed myself. It was just... in my head,” she whispered.

Harry wasn’t completely sure how he managed to stay upright. He swiped his thumbs below her red rimmed eyes. He thought she was beautiful even when she cried but it hurt him so much to see her like this. “S’not in your head, m’love,” it was hard to say the words without breaking out into cries himself. Seeing her hurt like this made him feel like the worst boyfriend in the world. “Love doesn't have t’be even, kitten. Being mad doesn't have t’be even. Being upset with something I do doesn't mean I have t’be upset with something you do. Y’can be annoyed with me, and I don't have t’bring up something m’annoyed by—which is nothing,” he assured her quickly because he could spot something he said creating a spiral easily. “But love, y’have t’tell me... talking has t’be done. I can't do this alone, kitten. I can't do this without you,” he explained as gently as he could.

“It’s not important,” she shook her head. Her voice cracked again.

Harry winced. “No, but it is, kitten. I can hear how important it is. I see it. I can feel it. Y’need t’tell me. I need you t’tell me everything y’feel. I can tell it hurts. All of it. I want t’fix it. I don’t want you t’hurt. M’not going anywhere. Ever.”

“But it’s… so bad to talk about... exes,” she whispered the last word like it was a curse—like she would be sent right to jail for it saying out loud.

Harry frowned. “Yeah, maybe if y’still in love with them. Do y’still love him?” It was rhetorical honestly. He knew she didn’t.

Her face paled immediately, her sad eyes filling with more tears. “Of course not!”

“I didn’t say it t’make y’mad, m’love,” His voice was gentle again. “I want you t’process this. I can’t have you all bottled up. I need t’know signs and feelings you’re having when y’don’t want t’share them. He messed with you so good,” he smiled without an ounce of humor behind it. It was the saddest smile she had ever seen on his face. He looked… so... disappointed. “M’usually good at figuring out what m’supposed t’do as a boyfriend. But y’stump me sometimes,” he admitted shyly. “It hurts me t’see you flustered and hurt without telling me why. I want t’be there for you. Always. In ways he never was because you—”

“He was always late,” she sobbed again. Harry pulled her to him immediately letting the tears pour out of her and he rocked her so gently. The words spilled out of her as fast as the tears did. “I swear he did it to piss me off and then he would say I was too controlling or neurotic. I was too planned out. He never got me flowers and my mom knew how much that bothered me. She knew he didn’t, even though I lied and said he did. I lied about flowers,” she felt so pathetic saying it out loud. “I lied about so many things he didn’t do because I was disappointed in myself. He didn’t see the point in romantic gestures. He didn’t think about how it kind of made me look like an idiot. I know that’s not the point of a romantic gesture, but I kept doing them for him and I—” the sobs choked her voice for a moment but Harry stayed silent. “I ignored all those red flags. All of them. Every single one of them. Why did I do that?” She cried; her voice sounded so tired. She looked so tired. Harry was quiet for a long time while more tears than he thought were possible fell across her cheeks.

“Because love is also red,” Harry whispered eventually. “Rose colored glasses are red… tulips, my sweet love,” he paused to kiss the top of her head, “are red.” It felt like hours she sobbed against him. The milk spread on the floor probably getting warm and souring the smell in the air and Harry just held her rocking ever so softly. “Thank you,” he said after way longer than anyone would have waited to speak. “For telling me that. I know that was hard. I promise I won’t be late. Ever,” he vowed. “Everything else between us? Might have t’be some compromises and more talking and we might argue. I might get mad, but it doesn’t mean it’s going t’end us, kitten. You have t’know that. M’here for the long haul... But late? On purpose? It won’t be me,” he promised easily. “Whether m’mad because I had a bad day at work or because of traffic, you’ll know the moment I know. M’not going t’miss a single time y’tell me. I will be there early.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He shook his head and kissed her temple, letting his lips drag along her skin for longer than he needed but it felt so soothing she nearly cried again. “S’nothing t’be sorry for,” he promised. “C’mon,” he stood, his knees aching from crouching for so long. He held his hand out to her and pulled her to stand beside him. He pushed her toward the sofa.

“What about—”

“Shh,” he promised. “S’fine,” he murmured pushing her to sit. Once seated, he pulled her shoes off, wrapped a blanket around her and kissed her forehead. He placed a book in her lap that she had started earlier in the week and hurried to the kitchen to bring her a bottle of water. “Stay here,” he kissed her forehead again, this time cupping her cheek at the same time and rubbing his thumb along her skin.

“But I—”

“Shh,” he shook his head. “I got it,” he tilted his head at her. His voice was so sure. Like he was telling her the sun would come up tomorrow.

She supposed it would.

*

As low as she got, she felt so much better, much quicker than she usually did. Harry was grateful for the change and was extremely mindful of things that caused her stress. He tried to read her mind as much as possible and was successful more often, which made him feel a lot better.

Talking was so much better. She had never felt so free. Harry knew her every thought. He didn’t belittle her emotions or make her feel like an inconvenience. Right before they fell asleep, she was snuggled close, her eyes watching Harry breathe evenly. The only light coming from a streetlamp outside their window. It wasn’t too bright but illuminated the room enough for her to make out Harry’s shadow beside her. His hand skimmed up and down her arm making her drowsy. “I love you,” she sighed.

“I love you, too, angel,” he murmured.

When they were out with friends Harry was mindful of her well-being. If she wanted to leave, he could sense it before she wanted to go. In fact, he even said he wanted to leave before she mentioned it. Taking her out of the equation made her anxiety lessen profusely.

If there was a problem Harry had (and rarely did that happen because he truly believed she was an angel) he looked her dead in the eye every time and promised her that he wasn’t mad. “I am not mad,” he held her face in his hands like she was a fragile vase. He waited until she nodded, he could see the emotions scrolling through her eyes like an index searching for one to land on for a moment. Only when she nodded would he continue. “I don’t like when y’leave the remote in the couch. S’hard t’find,” he explained. “Can y’try t’leave it on the coffee table?” He asked. She nodded. “Are y’okay, kitten? M’not mad,” he said reassuringly.

She nodded again. “I know,” her voice was soft. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “S’okay,” he smiled encouragingly. “Do y’have anything y’want t’share with me that’s bothering you?” She shook her head. “You’re sure? Not even the whole pizza thing?” He eyed her suspiciously. Harry put the whole box of leftover pizza in the fridge, and he could see the distaste in her eyes when he did so.

“It just takes up a lot of room,” she admitted.

“Good,” he smiled excitedly that she was telling him the truth and he kissed her forehead. “I’ll go fix it now; can y’find the remote?” He found giving her a manageable task was a good distraction when she voiced her worry. He could see her eyes fill with tears despite the fact he wasn’t upset, but he knew it was because she was more than likely overwhelmed with how easy that was. She swiped her hand across her cheek and dug between the cushions to find the controller. When he returned, she handed him the remote to put on a movie. He pulled her toward him, her body half resting against his chest. He kissed the top of her head. “I love you, so much, angel,” he promised.

“I love you,” Harry could hear how much that really meant to her in every syllable.

*

She was carrying her work bag, her lunch bag, and her clunky water bottle when her mom called. Most of the time her mom texted her. So, she assumed it was bad. She settled her things onto the counter as she answered.

“Do you know Harry texted me?” She asked.

“What?” Her heart leapt to her throat. Harry hadn’t ever texted her mother to his knowledge. She knew he periodically texted her siblings but never her mom.

“He shared a whole album with me. I had to have your sister help me open it because you know me with this contraption,” she laughed but she didn’t want to hear about her technological illiteracy. She wanted to know what the album was. “It’s just a bunch of bouquets of flowers. At least two dozen. Maybe closer to three. He said it’s every bouquet he’s ever bought you and the reason why. Birthday. Christmas. Valentine’s Day. Bad day at work. Being brave at the dentist,” she laughed again. She had a hand on her heart as she tried to quell all the emotions rapidly flowing through her in quick succession. “Sweetie,” she whispered, a smile in her voice. “He said he was going to add to it every time he got a new bouquet, but he wanted me to know that he got you flowers. Wanted me to have proof. Do you know what it’s about?”

She felt tears thicken her throat. “Yeah. Yeah I know,” she whispered. “It’s nothing you need to worry about,” she promised.

“I know you lied to me,” she said softly. It wasn’t accusing. It was exactly how a mom would react to such a statement. “You never lie about anything so it’s pretty obvious when you do. Especially about something so...little,” she felt horrible. But honestly, she didn’t feel like telling her mom that the flowers weren’t little. They were huge, in fact. It was a huge, glaring, obvious thing that she should have known was wrong. “I’m not too sure what’s going on with you and Harry lately, but I can see how much that man adores you and I know he would do anything to make you smile.”

She bit the inside of her lip to keep from crying. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“I know,” she responded. “I know why you did it.”

The tears rolled down her cheeks, but she doesn’t make a sound. “Yeah,” she nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” she repeated.

“Okay, well... I’m glad you have that album,” she took a deep breath. “I’m sorry to cut this short, but I’ve got a couple of chores to do, Mom.”

“I know, that’s fine. I just wanted to tell you how happy I am for you, sweetie,” she could hear her mom’s encouraging smile in her voice. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Almost as soon as the call ended, she sniffled. Then just as quickly, Harry came through the door and found her wiping her eyes. “Oh, kitten,” he frowned. “S’matter?” She wanted to say ‘nothing.’ But he was holding another bouquet of flowers. Half the tulips were red, and the other half was white. So, she was unable to utter a word and began to cry again. “Angel,” he set the bouquet on the counter beside her stuff and wrapped his arms around her tightly. “M’sorry, love,” he murmured into her hair and squeezed her.

“Can we get married?” She asked through her tears.

Harry didn’t even care how ridiculous she sounded. He continued as if this was a normal conversation that he had every day with her. As if she wasn’t sobbing on a Thursday night for no reason. Or if he asked her if she wanted fish for dinner. “Of course we can, baby, but I have t’propose—”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t care. Right now. Please. I love you so much. So, so much. I can’t—” she hiccupped.

“Hey, hey,” he pulled away and looked at her. “Kitten,” he smiled gently. It was a sad smile, but a cute one. Like he didn’t want to set her off completely. “I love you, too,” he assured her. “I want t’propose the right way and make sure you’re—”

“Then give me the ring now,” she looked at him squarely in the eye. The smile melted off his face and other than her soft sniffle, there wasn’t a sound in the apartment. “Please,” she repeated.

“Kitten,” he sucked his cheek in a bit and looked at her nervously. Like this was a break in her tired mind that he wouldn’t be able to handle. “What happened? Please tell me, you’re worrying me.”

She wiped her eyes again. “You told my mom you got me flowers.”

His entire body deflated, and it was like he just knew. “Stay here,” he said simply.

She swallowed the lump in her throat, nodded, and watched as Harry walked through their apartment. She wondered if he was walking so slowly on purpose. By now, she was used to Harry’s footsteps, and she listened to the sound of them: light and quiet on their hardwood floors. From the kitchen she could hear his dresser drawers sliding open and closed. It was as if he took ten times as long to come back to the kitchen as he did to leave it.

“How did y’know?” He asked.

She shook her head. “I didn’t.”

He smirked and pulled the little box out of his pocket and set it on the counter beside the flowers, her bags and her water. “I was going to wait until Christmas, y’gonna have nothing t’open.”

“I don’t need anything,” she promised.

He chuckled. “Kitten,” he sighed. “What am I going t’do with you?”

“I don’t know. But you have a lifetime to figure it out,” she vowed.

He smiled, shook his head. “Will you—”

“Yes.”

“Can you let me do it the right way—”

“No.”

He sighed. “Kitten,” he chided with a chuckle.

“Okay, okay, sorry,” she wiped her cheeks again and shook her head.

Harry took a deep breath. “Angel, will you—”

“I can’t do it, I’m sorry. Please just kiss me,” she begged.

He laughed, shook his head, and pressed his lips to hers. He held her so firmly in his embrace, dipping her backwards in the middle of the kitchen like this was the most romantic place in the world. When he stood her upright, her cheeks were flushed, and she was silent. She no longer looked anxious as she had when he entered the apartment. He grabbed the ring box, pulled the ring out of the safety of its little cushion and slipped it onto her finger. It fit perfectly. It wouldn’t need to be resized or anything. “Will you marry me?” He managed to ask without her interrupting.

Her response was immediate, though, barely finished the word ‘me’. “Yes."

general taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @sunshinemoonsposts @tiredinwinter @loving-hazz @likeapplejuicenpeach @straightontilmornin @freedomfireflies @littlenatilda @kathb59 @babegoals @angel-upon @lilfreakjez @mleestiles @ameliaalvarez06 @canyonmoondreams @summertime-pills @daphnesutton @l4rrysh0use @perfectywrong @foreverxholland @lovrave @st-ev-ie @pandeebearstyles @toosarcastic03 @luvonstyles @tenaciousperfectionunknown @classychalamet @love-letters-to-uranus @emmaawbr @crossyourpeter

[choicesficwriterscreations]

January MC of the Month: Nora Rose

Please welcome January 2024's MC of the Month! Each month, we highlight one MC or OC on our Meet My MC / OC List. They are selected randomly on the Wheel of Names, and eligibility requirements can be found here. We accept MC / OC profiles on an ongoing basis. Please feel free to send yours in!

This month’s MC of the month is…

@inlocusmads's Nora Rose

More below...

In your own words, tell us what you like most about your MC / OC.

The thing I like the best about Nora is how she has a killswitch alternative to any plan she comes up with. Even if it is something as simple as coming up with dinner options. She has this interesting perceptive ability that's akin to playing 4D chess, but at the same time, she has elevator music running in her head.

At the same time, she's sometimes terribly wrong and isn't afraid to acknowledge that. The things she's able to do today - from keeping a level head and a calm composure in the hardest of situations come from her childhood where things were hard, and she had to grow up quite quickly. A lot of times, she'd have to think on her feet, run through options, remember new stuff, and be able to work with her constraints, not just pertinent to her job but in her adulthood as a whole. Her capacity to be able to stand up on her own feet came from so many instances where she couldn't even get off the floor or look straight ahead. 

Nora's also a slow learner but an avid one nonetheless. She was kicked out of so many schools when she was young, mostly because of her not being able to focus properly or standing up to her bullies (something the school calls ‘stirring trouble up’), and it kind of stunted the faith she had in herself. She had to build up an open mind to be able to differentiate between what is good and bad for her. She had to learn how to carve out her own path, despite dealing with so much grief she could never move on from. All of these things stuck to her when she grew up, which made her more aware and sponge-like to gather the mental ammunition needed to face all kinds of problems. 

Nora's far from what she pictured herself to be as a kid, but she's kind of bittersweet about making it this far. Optimistic that if she just doesn't think too much about stuff, the space and time around her would heal even the bloodiest of wounds, but also disappointed she can't deal with things more openly and faster, like in a brawling match. But I'm happy for her, given the circumstances she was in. Nora's always had this ability to chew her way out of things - by hook or by crook. If she can't decode a lock, she'd just give it a slight nudge. If the nudge doesn't work, she'll just straight-up shoot at it and deal with the fallout later. Her main motto is to “just keep going”. 

Do you feel your MC / OC is like you at all? How are you alike or different?

I'd say I took a lot from my experiences growing up and gave them to Nora - dealing with people at school, understanding where she truly “belongs” (before she realized that was a load of bull and she should just stop tunnel-visioning a perfect outcome and instead think about laying down a different road to her path). Nora and I share this trait where we can't sit still, but if something's up, we'd spend hours at the same place, even if it involves doing absolutely nothing. Plus, it takes both of us ages to respond to a message. Nora more than me, for sure, and half the time, she's just bored of the routine email chore (not a good sign in her line of work, but she manages.)

That's where the similarities stop haha.

She's a tough person. She throws a good punch, having undergone a lot of physical training to qualify for her NYPD officer job and more recently, for her private eye job (Mafalda had some strict requirements). She's also a great problem-solver as aforementioned. Besides the usual differences in physicality and all, she doesn't get startled easily - as in, the world could possibly end tomorrow and she'd still be at her desk, responding to a two-year old email. Her self-assurance at that instant (not anytime or anywhere else) but at that very instant is so strong, it is honestly remarkable. 

Nora also enjoys doing things on her own. Whether it be making dinner from scratch, down to the bread-baking, deducing information (without relying on scraping the bowels of the internet) or stitching her clothes if they don't fit her. It was one of the only lessons her mother taught her before she passed. Which is also the reason why she doesn't like frozen food. More on that later. 

What is most important to your MC / OC? What is their motivation in life?

Vengeance. 

Just kidding. 

It is actually vengeance. I don't know how else to put it. 

Nora's been wronged by a lot of people in her life. From losing her mother because the hospital in charge neglected her to losing her father also because her co-workers neglected him, she went through pretty much the same neglect-arc in school and college. She was always dismissed as a “traumatized kid” half the time and the other half the time, people didn't listen to her when she'd say, for example, report a bully for what they did or critique a faculty member for showing their bias. It resulted in a lot of things that went wrong in her life - from not having a good support system to being an actual orphan when she was barely thirteen. 

This kind of manifested in horrible ways when she was a kid. She suffered from a lot of anger issues and would immediately resort to physical violence if she were confronted. It isn't fair to blame her either, because she was so helpless. She'd wanted someone, just anyone to listen to her - to be there for her. This desire to help her child-self developed well into adulthood. Nora began building back the stability she never had. She's still doing it. She allows herself optimism even when she doesn't believe in anything. She puts her faith in the arbitrary workings of the universe so there's less burden to carry on her shoulders. Even though the things she tells herself aren't all perfect, they would be something her younger self would have appreciated so much. 

Taking revenge for the child in her to rest easy, for the teenage girl in her to find joys in stupid things such as trashy television shows and emo music and for her to be at peace in her own skin without wanting to explode every five minutes has always been her plan ever since she grew up. That and simply because she uses it to feel more proud of what she does. When something isn't getting anywhere, she's like “Yeah well, f it, we'll get it done. A setback ain't shit.” It was always about the “we”. 

Nora is also driven by the motivation to finish something as fast as possible. Everything is like cross-country running to her because she relishes in the satisfaction of getting a chunk of time just to herself right after getting something done. Which means she's either very good at jumping through hoops or crashes and burns. If something takes longer than her intended expectations, she'll drop it in an instant or table it until she gets her motivation back to finish it. It resulted in a lot of half-completed, archived projects but a few she's proud of, including having made her own quilts and bedsheets for the winter. 

This mentality is something she can never get rid of. At school, she was either the best player on her soccer team or the absolute worst. (Hey, at least there's no in-between to her.)

What are their biggest pet peeves/dislikes?

She hates frozen food with a burning passion. Being from a Chinese household, her parents, in the few good years they had with her - taught her the importance of a home-cooked meal or just any cooked meal. Nora, being the impressionable naive child she was, caught onto it and developed this visceral hatred for frozen anything. While she digs the convenience, she isn't a fan of how it tastes either - apart from her family values. This seeps into how Nora sees everything. She's the weird survivalist aunt with a shotgun in her closet because her personal goal is to make everything she consumes. From food, down to the clothes she wears or the curtains in her window, everything has to have had her work and hours put into it. 

Nora is also not a fan of people who don't listen first and just yap, yap and yap. This is why she often got into “creative differences” with her co-workers in her precinct. This is also the reason why Mafalda gives Nora full control of the wheel when she isn't there at the Agency, because the fewer people yapping, the happier Nora is and the better she works. 

As for visceral dislikes, boy oh boy does she have a lot:

Starting strong with the NYPD because they suck, point blank, period. She also thinks there's a special place in hell for people who just assume a lot and can get away with baseless accusations. She can understand broken promises - after all, people move on sometimes, and it's hard to keep track of them, but she draws the line at a proper betrayal. Words don't matter much to her, but actions do. Nora also isn't a fan of people who jump to the easiest conclusion just because it's easy. She’s seen a lot in her life not to automatically red-flag them. It’s worse when it comes from authorities, y’know people you’re taught to trust.

Also, people who gate-keep their expertise. She’s come across so many pretentious people who’d rather let an important investigation hit a dead end than worry about spilling their “trade secrets.” Kind of a niche dislike, but if you’re running out of time and your only hope banks on a mystery novelist’s ability to describe what he saw and tell the truth like his characters would have done, you too would be frustrated if he’d rather drink his coffee when he knows he’s purposefully jeopardizing the investigation’s momentum. And that’s just one of her ‘good’ experiences. Nora loathes academia and wouldn’t touch it even with a six-foot pole.

If your MC / OC could change one thing - anything - what would it be?

Be blessed with a readable medical textbook so she could diagnose her mother earlier than her doctors ever can (and) get magical surgery skills to revive her dad after he got stabbed. 

She still regrets not being able to do anything because she was “just a kid”.Nora has learned to cope with it, knowing she can't do anything about it but she still has this itching feeling of what if things had turned out for the better. It's this heavy rock she's gonna have to deal with for sometime now. 

Nora has this tricky relationship with her heritage. She isn't a fan of how different she is compared to the rest of her family and how they'd ostracized her after her settling down far from home. She wants to be able to change that aspect but knows it is too late to repair the damage. If she could go back in time and “pick a side,” she wouldn't have to feel the FOMO.

This regret of hers, however, is attributed to her never feeling she belonged somewhere among her family. Someday, she'd have to find her own family, own circle of friends, and culture to build. Someday, she'll learn that she's as valid to celebrate her heritage as her Aunt Mei or Uncle Tommy. That there aren't true extremes to anything there's no “one way” to be something, but until then, she's going to angrily sew back some loose stitches and groan about not being able to speak Cantonese as fluently as her relatives or being a “true” New Yorker. 

Also maybe her hair. (Also it is so hard to draw her hair consistently.) Sometimes it gets in the way. And maybe fix her eyesight without needing contacts or glasses. Automatically give herself 20/20 vision whenever needed and blur her eyes out when she doesn't want to.

What is your MC / OC’s favorite quote or song?

It's hard to pick one song, because Nora listens to anything and doesn't really have a music ‘taste’ as long as the song she's listening to has some spunk to it. Something she relates to would be I Talk To The Wind by King Crimson. Combined with the slow pace and the lyrics that basically put her life as a picture, it's a bop.

Is there anything else you’d like to share about your MC / OC?  (It can be why you created them, how they’ve inspired you, or you could write a little blurb as if it is coming from your OC - an acceptance speech. :) )

I've struggled a lot with naming characters before but Nora's was the only time I knew her name wayyy before I could give her a personality. I was like “yep she's Nora, she's definitely one, yep.” and somehow I didn't anticipate how much she'd like, write herself and the story just writing itself. It literally popped into my head as outlandish as it may seem. And somehow that process worked because I don't ever run out of new headcanons to add.

Nora's also the first character I've created a 100k-worded introduction for (which will never see the light of day and is chucked into my files). I honestly expected her to just be fleeting. I'd make up something about her character, and I'd leave it at that, but nope. 

She's the most organized person in the universe. Her clothes never had a chance to get folded since 1999. She is so methodic and yet will pull off stupid shit like kickboxing a door because she doesn't want to open it. Nora is the character to every character but she stops charactering if she's in front of any screen with something playing on it. She can calculate the angle she needs to throw something so it can hit something, but she fails at basic math at the checkout line. She's masterful at cooking up a storm in the kitchen but enters her flop era when she forgets to take her stuff from the oven when the timer beeps.

Honestly, Nora was such a good lesson in writing as well because people are not always black-and-white. Sometimes, their strengths are their weaknesses. Sometimes the things they are chasing after work against their benefit. Maybe their opinions are skewed after all, even though the narrative conditions into believing that they're the Hero character. They should be allowed to be terribly piss-pathetic poor at something before learning to solve the problem, and sometimes it's okay if they're just bad at something if they can improv a way forward.

Plus, she's cool and stuff. Sometimes. 

[aro-culture-is]

Aroallo culture is constantly feeling like a degenerate

I have... more than a few things to say on this topic, but I will restrain myself to the two major points that have caused me to delay posting this.

For one: Internalized sex negativity ahoy!

In all honesty? I genuinely do not understand how sexual attraction without romantic attraction (or any other form of attraction, really) is supposed to be bad. I genuinely cannot tell you how wild it is to think that sexual attraction, one of the instincts that has generally been selected for among all sexual species similar to us, is somehow... morally incorrect? How much must we hate ourselves, see ourselves as the monster in a bedtime story, for the invisible Thought Crime of feeling like another person is attractive? It's okay. Literally the only "bad" is if your actions in response to a feeling are performed in malice or cause harm, and even then there's nuance that requires thought and communication, not mind-reading and assuming others will be disgusted.

Sincerely, please please please look into sex positivity. Read about it. Follow sex positive accounts, movements, and people. Let yourself feel in response, and ask yourself what does and does not speak with you. Engage in the topic. You don't have to believe it right away, but I promise you, it is well worth your time to expose yourself to resources that teach you another perspective that does not demonize the vast majority of the world in some strange and non-productive way, producing shame and little to show for it.

Secondly... degeneracy.

What a very, very loaded word. To summarize some points from Wikipedia, in terms of fact: the concept of degeneracy in this usage originates from the 19th century theory of social degeneration. The concept of heredity had yet to be fully understood in social degeneration's 18th century development, and this movement largely believed that habits of parents changed their child's biology. This, in turn, was used to explain a perceived decline in civilization. It took little time for the theory to appear in medical and zoological works, with the intent to explain why different ethnic groups exist. You may recognize this concept by a directly related one: eugenics.

The theory of degeneracy first grew fame when used to explain racial differences, and quickly spread from the medical field to psychiatry (ie, mentally ill individuals will produce more severely mentally ill children, and therefore should not continue their lineage) and criminology (particularly when combined with phrenology). It was associated with authoritarian political attitudes such as militarism, scientific racism, and support for eugenics. The development of degenerate theory both partially predates and partially follows the works of Gregor Mendel in describing the theory of evolution, and frankly, largely based its so-called scientific backing on incorrect understandings of evolution and poor science, using such understandings to prop up eugenicist beliefs.

Why do I say all this? I think it is very, very important to recognize the sociopolitical bullshit that props up the absolute pseudoscience that social degeneracy revolves around, and to state that anyone who truly believes in degeneracy does not actually have the best interest of other's in mind or heart except that of the current in-groups. if people in your life are using these theories and words, I want to empower you with knowledge that they are, scientifically and historically, very much in the wrong. I want you to be able to look at their words, and understand the context behind their beliefs, even if they themselves do not.

also, real talk: if you can, form other social networks. join a club, play social games, go to community events, anything it takes to experience people outside of those who give you this message. it'll do wonders for you to build social circles outside of that stuff.

tl;dr:

the origins of the theory behind the word "degenerate", as used today, are scientifically bullshit, politically and socially motivated, and largely were used to justify eugenics. i would recommend not trusting people who genuinely believe in degeneracy to have anyone's best interest at heart but their own, and that you are perfectly normal and fine as you are.

[overthinkingalchemist]

END OF EVANGELION – Opening Up to The Importance of Consent

Essay. May contain: Spoilers for Neon Genesis Evangelion, The End of Evangelion, discussion of toxic relationships, sexuality, consent, abuse, mental health and depression

1. Shinji’s Internal World

The amount of works of fiction and literature about human connections, familial bonds, sexuality, intimacy, depression and coming of age is absolutely off the charts by this point. But to tackle all those themes simultaneously, with a deeply philosophical, disturbing, and introspective atmosphere, in a stylized world with mechas… it’s easy to see why Neon Genesis Evangelion is one of a kind. In the series, we follow the young 14y/o Shinji Ikari as he needs to pilot a giant “mecha” to protect his futuristic version of Tokyo from the terrifying monsters known as Angels. Shinji’s struggles, however, are never as much in the battlefield as they are in his mind. As he grapples with the horrors of the real world and his burden as an EVA pilot, what truly causes his suffering is his deep-rooted shame that brings him issues with self-confidence and intimacy.

“It is implied (or explicitly stated) […] that one can create their own reality through the way they choose to see the world around them. And in Shinji’s depressed world, every misstep or failure is a new load for his debilitated self-esteem to carry.”

With those psychological elements at play, the original series heavily emphasizes the importance of opening oneself up to others — but that entails being open to rejection, disappointment and hurt. It is implied (or explicitly stated) during the Instrumentality sequences that one can create their own reality through the way they choose to see the world around them. And in Shinji’s depressed world, every misstep or failure is a new load for his debilitated self-esteem to carry. All he wants is to learn what his own value and place in the world are, and he seeks to do that by obtaining external validation from his peers, mentors and, most importantly, his absent father. Shinji thinks that, by performing well as an EVA pilot, he can find his happiness through praise and approval. But when that seems like too tall of a task for him to accomplish, he is quick to question himself and consider giving up… multiple times. But it makes sense. NGA is tonally heavy and solemn, which perfectly encapsulates how our protagonist shapes his reality into something suffocating, oppressive. How could Shinji not cave when humanity fights an unfathomable battle for survival, and everyone hates him? Even if he beats this excruciating challenge, what is there for him to look forward in such a broken world?

As it turns out, Shinji’s views on his burden are indeed skewed by his lack of self-worth. People care for him, but through the thick mental fog that obfuscates his judgement it becomes very hard for him to see that. Since he fears others, the teenager isn’t willing to break through his shell and develop genuine interest in them. While not an element of this version of the story, Asuka Shikinami in the Rebuild version of NGA calls Shinji ‘selfish’ during one of his more severe depressive episodes, claiming that he shouldn’t be helped because he doesn’t care about anyone but himself. While it is something harsh to say about someone who is depressed, it has some logic to it; depression often leads to rumination and overthinking about one’s self worth while shutting the outside world away. It can be said that all that Shinji wants is to be saved by someone. He perceives himself as a victim, thereby believing he requires saving from a stronger and more resilient external source. But when that is the case, he neglects to consider the feelings and the rich inner worlds that each and everyone around him has — except for one case.

2. The Hedgehog Dilemma

The connections Shinji overlooks by retreating into himself are clear to the audience, but not so much for the naïve boy who has a severely negative image of himself. Rei Ayanami is a reserved girl and lacks the communication skills to externalize (or even understand) her feelings, but she is deeply moved by the times her battle partner showed her genuine care and worry. Shinji’s honest curiosity for her made everlasting impacts in their relationships that not even he was able to see. The moment Shinji hurried to check if Rei was safe, after she herself seemed unbothered with the prospect of her own death, was the most selfless and empathetic he’d been for someone. By the last stretch of episodes, we see that deep inside she has developed feelings for him and wants them to bond and ‘become one’, but due to her subtle softspoken nature, those feeling are never laid out in a way direct enough for him to understand them.

Asuka Soryu, on the other hand, is very similar to ‘idiot Shinji’ and, in many ways, they’re mirror images of each other. She is a girl with a complex past and deep-rooted issues with self-acceptance. To try to overcome her insecurities, fears, and haunting memories, she puts on a narcissistic mask by turning into an overachieving workaholic. Just like Shinji in his own world, Soryu’s focus is her own image, which she tries to sell as much as possible by trying to become the best EVA pilot she can be. Unfortunately for her, her strained relationship with her late mother affects her ability to pilot, making her fall behind Shinji and Rei in performance.

Asuka shows, at many points, a reluctant adolescent romantic interest in Shinji. She teases him, calls for his attention and seems to care a lot about his opinion of her. But in his bleak world, informed by his perceived unworthiness, her rude behavior is just one more of the day-to-day aggressions he feels that he essentially has (or deserves) to endure. Asuka then becomes unable to keep this social mask on as she feels rejected by both Shinji and her mother, falling into a state of hopelessness much like the boy’s — ironically, just as Shinji is starting to find his voice and defy his father.

Lastly, Shinji has Misato and his school friends on his side. His friends go out of their way to check on him and show support, while Misato displays honest motherly (or maybe a “big sister” kind of) affection towards Shinji, protecting him as much as possible and trying to guide the boy towards his own path. Her approach to tutoring still respects Shinji’s individuality by allowing him to follow the path he wants even when it contradicts NERV’s mission to fight the Angels. But this freedom, to him, is almost a burden; he wants to be told what to do, to be given a clear identity by someone else. He rejects Misato’s love because, again, he believes himself to be a weight, an inconvenience, for being inexperienced. As a way to not feel the weight of expectations on his shoulders and avoid disappointing those around him like he feels he inevitably will, Shinji prefers to withdraw. Much like the hedgehog dilemma that Dr. Akagi introduces, the boy creates distance to avoid hurt.

3. Teenage Sexuality and Intimacy

Sexuality is a crucial element in Evangelion’s storytelling. While it’s common for anime to sexualize teenage characters in weird and uncomfortable ways due to unclear audience targeting (or just out of plain malice), Neon Genesis Evangelion is clearly a series aimed at adults that uses sexuality as a meaningful psychological plot point. At a surface level, many scenes seem to evoke the usual anime tropes and present camera angles that sexualize Misato when she is sharing casual moments of bonding with Shinji at home. Similarly, Shinji shares awkward moments with the pilot girls, seeing more than what he’s supposed to see and getting into uncomfortable, “wacky”, situations, with both Rei and Asuka.

The sexual tones present in some scenes is not random and not an element that is supposed to “entice” the audience. Rather, sex and attraction in NGA are presented as some of the deepest forms of intimacy between two people. Physical connection is part of the human experience, and for a young teenager, it will inevitably be something that sparks curiosity. Shinji’s (and the audience’s) experiences with sexual imagery serve as elements that add another layer to his mindscape of questions, doubts, and self-discovery. So, what we are shown when it comes to nudity and physical highlighting is a glimpse at Shinji’s point of view — much like how the oppressive tone of the series is also informed by it.

Some of those moments can be shown at times of levity or have comical tones. However, many of them will instead be quite uncomfortable and not played for laughs. When Shinji enters Rei’s apartment uninvited and meets her naked, he is only met with her usual cold response, which only adds to his embarrassment and shame. As he tries to soften the atmosphere and spark conversation with her, the girl slaps him when they talk about his father, since both have very different experiences with Commander Ikari. Similarly, Shinji’s curiosity and attraction towards Asuka reaches a tense moment when he almost kisses her as she sleeps, leaving the audience on the edge wondering if he will cross a regrettable line.

In this way, sexuality in Evangelion turns into one more piece in Shinji’s puzzle of shame. His experiences with physical intimacy confuse him, because his newfound desires clash with his internal beliefs that push him to isolation. Both endings to the story dive into this to different degrees of depth. In the original final episodes, Shinji simply questions what it means to be close to someone as he ruminates over the “mixed signals” from the women in his life. In The End of Evangelion this takes a completely new (and messed up) perspective, being a key element of the film’s arc.

On a side note, I have no idea what the sexual imagery is supposed to represent in the Rebuild series of films. It feels like anime being anime for anime’s sake.

4. Shinji’s Sexuality in The End Of Evangelion

If I can toss my personal feelings into the mix for a bit, I have to say that I didn’t really know what to feel for a large chunk of The End of Evangelion's runtime. If NGA has a dark and oppressive atmosphere to it, it doesn’t even begin to compete with EoE's utterly hopeless cynicism. There is somewhat of a clashing tone in the violence and sexual imagery shown here compared to the series, as everything is more graphical and heavier than before. It feels cruel, even. Does all that serve a purpose? Is there any meaning to the edge? I’d say yes; EoE gives me many reasons to believe that its direction is not random and indeed builds up to a cohesive theme.

The film starts with the very infamous scene where Shinji, after trying to plead for help to Asuka’s unconscious body, ends up accidentally revealing her chest and masturbates to her. Throughout the rest of the movie, this action torments the boy to no end, who feels ashamed of his own behavior. As a war starts to break down at the NERV headquarters over Gendo Ikari’s Human Instrumentality plan, Shinji gives up on his life, seeing himself as someone irredeemable. He doesn’t understand his own desires, and when he acts on them, he does it in a wrong way. To get close, to isolate himself… both options hurt him, so he doesn’t know how to move on.

Shinji’s mistake gets him into the deepest pit his depression has seen yet, which brings us to another highly contentious plot point. As Misato finds Shinji, she saves the boy from certain death as he drags himself despondent, which ends up with the tutor getting fatally wounded by gunfire. Knowing Shinji’s struggles with intimacy, Misato kisses the boy on the lips — an “adult’s kiss”, as she calls it —, to give him a jolt of adrenaline and perspective to move on. In a way, Misato shows him that intimacy is attainable, and that it is not “wrong” for him to want it.

There is no romantic arc between the adult Misato and the young Shinji. She wonders, earlier in the series, if he fears women, concluding that he is actually afraid of getting close to anyone else. Misato then, in the film, invades the boy’s personal space to spark feelings on him. There is an extremely morally complex conflict in the realm of consent. Shinji is a kid, and his natural desires are being used and exploited by a grown-up. But at the same time, his self-destructive behavior hinders him from allowing himself to experience new things, so this can be seen as Major Katsuragi’s last-ditch effort to save mankind. By changing her hands-off approach to his guidance into something invasive, but poignant, she lets him see what is there to this other side of life, pushing him to live, whether he wants to or not.

If everything seen in the realm of sexuality sounds uncomfortable, it’s because it is. More than trying to find a right answer for Misato’s morals or excuse for hers and Shinji’s behaviors, this distressing awkwardness fits the questions posed in the hedgehog dilemma. As the characters try to break through their’s and each other’s shells, they hurt each other when they lose sight of where one’s boundaries end and other’s begin. Shinji is desperate over Asuka’s absence because, as established before, he doesn’t know who he is, or should be, apart from the approval of the ones who surround him. Alongside that, he wants to be saved by someone stronger and more self-assured. In the same way, Asuka craves approval and acknowledgement, which brings them to what is ultimately an extremely dysfunctional symbiotic bond.

It's important to understand generally the concept of the Human Instrumentality Project. While the more complex details of the lore do elude me, the general gist seems to be that, with some divine shenanigans, Gendo Ikari and some higher-ups at NERV want to turn humanity into one single organism, where their minds would be interconnected into a single consciousness. The idea is that, without the barriers between people, there would be no more hurt, and no more pain would be generated from dealing with the uncertainty of what could be in others’ minds.

The original series ends in what is essentially a therapy session for Shinji after humanity has fallen into Instrumentality. It’s unclear whether the process was reversed or not, but the boy seems to find peace in his place in the world. The film will also explore the concept of one’s place among others, but using the uncomfortable violence and sexual themes in, arguably, even more abstract and less direct ways. End of Evangelion is less ambiguous in its theming, however, as it seems to be an overall celebration of individuality.

5. A Celebration Of Individuality

A character we haven’t touched much on yet is Rei Ayanami. But that’s for a reason; Rei is a very mysterious character throughout most of the story, with light being shed on her past only near the very end. Entering a more fantastical sci-fi realm, her origins have her being a clone of Gendo Ikari’s (commander at NERV and Shinji’s father) wife, Yui, made with the goal of, somehow, starting the Instrumentality process and allowing Gendo to reunite with her after her soul became trapped in the EVA Unit 01. Rei is, for many intents and purposes, and as teased by Asuka, crafted as Ikari’s doll: a tool for his means, made artificially and treated like a machine, a possession of his.

Rei, then, carries an important weight to her character in the original series and The End Of Evangelion. To Shinji, she is like family. The favorite sibling who gets all the love and attention that he wants from his father. To Gendo, she is his obsession, his project and his only hope. As her maker and “husband”, he feels entitled to her body and her destiny.

Within the context of EoE, Rei’s arc is quintessential to build the cohesion in the theme of consent. ‘What would Rei Ayanami do?’ — for most of the story, the girl waits for her orders and for others to tell her how to act, not unlike Shinji. The boy, however, fears death and failure, so he can’t be the perfect machine that Ayanami can. Eventually, her experiences with Shinji make her realize that she has her own desires, and by the point Instrumentality comes, she rejects Gendo in favor of uniting with his son, leaving the commander out of his own paradise.

Through sexual imagery, the film explores the physical and psychological boundaries dissolving — quite literally. Ikari touches and invades Rei’s naked body, with his hands merging with her chest, as he takes what he feels he is owed. The girl, then, after never being asked her wants, severs ties with her role as a “doll” and decides to connect and become one with the boy that she actually wants. This connection with Shinji is, again, presented through abstract sexual imagery, as she is now finally able to realize her own desires and look for the intimacy she truly wants, merging physically and spiritually with him.

Ultimately, where everything ties together is within Shinji’s final decision. Despite suffering his whole life with feelings of inadequacy and a desperate need for the approval of others, he rejects Instrumentality. In the end, becoming one unified organism with mankind is a crutch: it won’t help him find himself and it won’t give him meaningful connections with others, because their individuality, what makes them who they are, is gone. These differences, these boundaries, are what give people their identities. And being truly interested in learning about others, embracing the discomfort that comes with uncertainty, and welcoming growing pains are things that give meaning to life. This is what he has been told during his conversations with his inner child and Rei during the mind train sequences.

“What is wrong with avoiding pain?”

And then we get to the final scene, Evangelion’s own beach episode. During Instrumentality, Rei ascends as a God-like being. Shinji and Asuka fight, with Asuka angry at Shinji for trying to use others’ approval to offset for his lack of confidence, instead of being genuinely interested in her. “Anyone would do for you”, she says. When both of them reject Instrumentality and end up on that fateful blood-red beach as what appears to be the last two humans on Earth, Shinji tries to strangle her to death. Asuka strokes his face gently, driving him to tears and stopping his aggression. Asuka then closes the series with the rawest and most poignant line there is: ‘How disgusting’.

What the hell does that scene mean? Some say Shinji did that to feel something “real”, to know that he was back into the real world as we know it. Some say Asuka’s line implies that she is angry at herself for liking Shinji and stroking his face. Supposedly the voice direction given to the actress was to react in a realistic way to Shinji’s action at the beginning of the film. So is this an ultimate rejection? Or just criticism directed at him in her usual snarky, but angrier, tone?

If we go back to theme of consent and its intersecting moments with the symbiotic nature of relationships, Shinji’s moment of aggression can be tied to anger at his insecurities and trying to exercise control over what he feels is a cause of many of them. Asuka left him feeling confused and inadequate, but she was still one of the people who could understand him the most. Torn between his admiration and fear for Asuka, while feeling irreversably intertwined to the girl, he decides to choke her, which would ultimately give him full power and control over her life. As Asuka strokes his face, she does something Shinji would never expect, perhaps making him realize that she is her own entity and that her body, her mind and her life are not his to own, control or take.

Its unclear what we can expect from Shinji and Asuka’s relationship moving forward, but either way, both are finally starting to find themselves and truly externalizing their feelings one way or another. Hopefully, they’ll find healthier ways to do so in the future.

Asuka’s last line, “How disgusting”, could be a rejection or it could be directed at herself for liking the contentious person that Shinji has become. Or it could be both. But more important than that, is the fact that it’s a line that exemplifies just how complex and nuanced human relationships are. So many unspoken feelings have been reduced to a single harsh line that brings up way more questions than answers. But that’s part of the fun: the fact that we can’t know what to fully expect from someone else, but we still have to make our own choices considering their individualities, their vast inner worlds and the uncertainty of dealing with those. This is what lies at the heart of Evangelion and it’s what could be the start of Shinji’s way out of his own depressed mind.

[alexbkrieger13]

M's newest column

Ive been thinking this week about Fifa’s plans to expand the Club World Cup and create a Women’s Club World Cup and wondering where the welfare of players ranks in their priorities.

At a time when we’re seeing so many serious injuries to top women players I found it alarming that they did not consult the leagues or the players. Instead, Fifa president Gianni Infantino just announced it out of the blue.

Fifpro, the players’ union, were right to complain about the lack of consultation. I’m all for new ideas but you have to think about the players. If you just add more and more games, there’ll come a time when it just becomes too much.

From my personal viewpoint, if Chelsea were to win the Champions League, I’d love to get the chance to play the best teams from other continents. I can also see the benefit of making the game less Eurocentric. However, you have to talk to the players’ union first.

As for a 32-team tournament for the men, the loading is already extreme for them and I’m intrigued to see how they cope when the Premier League returns on Boxing Day, just a week after the World Cup final and two weeks after England’s quarter-final exit.

When I think back to last summer after the Euro, it took me at least a week for my mind to stop playing back the images of all I’d experienced. For us, there was the trauma of losing a semi-final 4-0 and feeling humiliated. Emotionally that was tough and for three days I lay on a sunbed and tried to read a book but I just could not focus on the letters.

My head was still in the tournament, processing all I’d been through, and I needed at least 10 days to start feeling enthused about the new season. Then, when I went back into Chelsea, I had issues with tendinopathy – inflammation in my hamstring and achilles, which is the product of overloading. Every footballer has it somewhere once they reach a certain age, yet it was clear to me my body was struggling.

I’ve got friends in the Sweden national team who tell me they are still feeling fatigued from the Euro and the news this week about Vivianne Miedema’s ACL rupture – less than a month after Beth Mead suffered the same injury – only accentuates the need to give more serious thought to player welfare in the women’s game.

This isn’t just about Fifa either. We have so much to improve on regarding knowledge of women’s bodies and loading. At Chelsea we’re lucky as we have a big squad and they’re very good at monitoring load and thinking about physical and mental welfare.

However, only a handful of women’s clubs have it like this; few others can afford it. Before I came to Chelsea, I’d never worked with full-time physios, for example.

It’s just my hypothesis but I wonder whether women players might be less fragile if we’d received better medical attention early in our careers. It doesn’t help that all the research has been based on men’s bodies.

More women-specific research is required to understand how to train and load us. At Chelsea we’ve just taken part in a study by a woman who is scanning the feet of female footballers and collecting data about their foot shape, and this is what we need more of before Fifa start adding even more games.

I would also question the timing of women’s tournaments, which tend to run until late in the summer. Next year’s World Cup will start on 20 July and end on 20 August. It means you get a few weeks off before the tournament but you end up wanting to stay fit and doing some training on your own. It’s afterwards when you need the break and, as I’ve mentioned above, I don’t think two weeks is enough.

Ultimately, there are moments when your body says “enough” and I say this from personal experience. I look back to December last year when I suffered an ankle injury in a Champions League game at Wolfsburg, which ruled me out for three months.

In hindsight, I’m not surprised at all as I remember the way I felt in that period, just trying to get through games. With Sweden I’d got to the final of the Olympics the previous August but hadn’t had enough time to recover and then we had the challenge of the inaugural group stage of the Champions League, which meant more travel and more tough games.

I was tired and moody and just thinking, “When’s the break coming?”. I really feel my injury came as a result of that. I jumped and landed badly and damaged ligaments as well as sustaining bone bruising and a small fracture. It felt to me that my brain was simply too tired.

A year on, sadly, it’s my partner Pernille’s turn to be injured. Thankfully it wasn’t an ACL in her case but she had an operation on her hamstring last month and in the first few weeks afterwards needed help with everything, including putting on her socks and shoes. This is the personal cost that players face and it’s sad to see a loved one like that – yet another reason, therefore, why I feel so passionate about protecting my fellow players.

[melien]

Ramona: No, that's fine, Milo, I'm very proud of you having a job now. What I'm trying to say is that you don't have to put so much pressure or responsibility for everyone on yourself. I'm sure even Doris already tells you this. You're still young, and you're discovering yourself and what you want, and it's more important to me that you do what you love. I'm glad that you have this job now, but just in case it turns out not to be a good fit for you, don't stress yourself over it.

Milo: Well, yeah... But you put loads of pressure on yourself as well.

Ramona: We really are a family, huh?

Milo: Ha. Doris may be the only one who's just sliding through life at ease.

Ramona: Eh, that's not entirely true. I... I know Doris feels responsible for you, ever since that kitchen incident, even if it was years ago. And, mentally, I think she's still trying to make it up to you.

In all honesty, Milo suspected that. He didn't like to dwell on the incident, it was a genuine slip from Doris. When they were younger, they were just playing around when Doris knocked a pot of boiling water over, which burned half of Milo's face. It required treatment and left a scar, but they got over it and grew to find their looks rather cool. Doris, on the other hand, seemed to still feel guilty at times, and it made sense that she was confiding in Ramona about it, given that Ramona might have also blamed herself for not looking after her kids in that moment.

Milo: Guys, I may have my moments, but just... don't treat me as precious cargo. Irene never does.

[freeuselandonorris]

what has been your favourite concert?

hi anon! (are you always the same anon? are there multiple trivia question anons?)

anyway. i have an answer for this one that requires some explaining.

first up, cw for discussion of self harm.

so, by virtue of being very old, i was a fan of my chemical romance from the very early days, when they were still playing tiny venues and you could hang around outside after the gig and they'd just be wandering around loading gear and stuff. gerard and mikey owe me about five packs of cigarettes at this point bc they used to just bum them off us.

i was maybe 15, 16 and i was mentally in a catastrophically bad place, and pretty much the only thing keeping me going at times was counting down to the next mcr gig i had booked.

one of these gigs, i'd been queueing up all day and it was fucking BOILING in the venue and i was front row. it was either take off my hoodie or pass out, but my arms at the time were covered from wrist to elbow with fairly severe SH. i had bracelets and stuff on, but it was pretty visible.

anyyway, in those days gerard used to spend half the gig hanging over the front row so they were pretty close and obviously at some point spotted my arms. idk if they recognised me, i have recognisable hair and they knew me to say hi to by that point. either way, after venom, they came down to the barrier, grabbed my hand and looked me dead in the eyes and yelled out to the crowd (i'm paraphrasing obviously, but it was something along these lines) "if you ever feel like hurting yourself, i want you to put our records on and go do something else, talk to your friends, talk to your mom, anything else. no more hurting yourself."

and like, bear in mind that gerard was my fucking IDOL at the time. i would have walked across hot coals if they'd asked. so i stopped. a couple of relapses, sure, but for the most part i went cold turkey from that point.

gerard later met my mum, who thanked them profusely, and they ended up having a very long and involved conversation about carl jung.

anyway that's why i owe g-way probably my life, and that was my favourite gig :)

[markrosewater]

Hi Mark, Happy Friday! I enjoyed listening to your Logistics Drive to Work podcast today. It's a very important subject related to Magic for me and logistics, particularly related to tracking and mental load issues, are one few things I feel are getting significantly worse in recent years. Even if you make it easier to get specific additional game pieces required to track to play Magic (i.e. tokens, keyword counters, stickers in booster packs) keeping track of them in paper Magic significantly contributes to the mental load. Do you really think it's worth it? Yes, sometimes you have a slam dunk mechanic like double faced cards, but I question if mechanics like the Initiative and Day/Night are worth the logistical tracking hurdles for paper Magic. For 25 years, Magic had a relatively low tracking logistics issue. Sure, you had +1/+1 counters, level up counters, loyal counters and simple creature tokens, but it was always very easy to track any of these mechanics with a standard six sided die. So why did things have to change? Magic continues to introduce several new and interesting mechanics each year that don't rely on outside game pieces and complex logistical tracking so it doesn't feel like Magic is running out of design space. Day/Night, stickers, keyword counters, die rolling, Venture and Initiative and extremely complicated creature tokens are all relatively new to Magic (within the past 4 years or so). I feel in recent years design isn't being conservative enough about weighing the logistical consequences for introducing more tracking logistical issues and extra game pieces aside from the cards. Does anyone else at WotC feel this way or not really? Are more mechanics like this the new normal or is this just an example of the pendulum swinging in one direction for now? I'm asking about this because all of these new logistical tracking issues make the game feel burdensome (even though the mechanics are fun), they fundamentally exacerbate the mental load, especially in eternal formats like Commander, and they cause me and my friends to make far more misplays and errors which creates a "feels bad" effect. Thanks for everything you do Mark. Keep up the good work. I hope this isn't coming off as too critical or negative. I'm a mega fan of Magic and enjoy numerous things about the game including the upcoming ONE set but this logistics issue is a big deal to me.

You touch upon the companion issue, mental load, which is another podcast I have coming up.

The data was telling us we'd been a bit under what the players wanted/could handle, so we dialed it up a bit. Did we dial it up too much? That's a good question, and something we're monitoring.

Whether it's a new normal or just the pendulum swinging will have a lot to do with the data we get.

Which means this is a fine question for all of you. How are you feeling about current Magic when it comes to the overall complexity, including logistics and mental load?

[agentelevatormusic]

The Ride

Despite fifteen years with the Foundation, Vera had been flown in by helicopter on mercifully few occasions. It usually signified disaster, either imminent or in progress, and most of the time the helicopter was up in the air for less time than it took to load in herself and the patient.

This one, however, had been flying long enough that Vera had finished all three of the rather hefty medical journals she’d brought along in her light bag for the journey. Vera realized all too quickly that the estimated reading time she’d allotted for the books had either been a grievous, and uncharacteristic miscalculation, or they’d been in the air for a good time longer than she’d believed possible for a helicopter to stay up. 

She leaned back and closed her eyes. This was the Foundation. Anything was possible. Literally anything. Something was off, yes, but there was no reason to dwell on it. 

Instead, she began listing things. Taking a mental inventory of everything she’d packed. Her sidearm and her assault rifle had been confiscated, surprisingly, but they would likely provide her an upgrade upon arrival. 

Then she listed the treasures in Tom’s collections. Almost all of it was in her long term storage unit now. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Vera was hit with a pang of sadness. If only she’d brought his seashells. Tom had doted on that collection. Whenever he added a new piece, he would spend hours polishing the entire bunch. Offering her shells with the most color. Pinks and purples and reds. The smoothest nacre. The most intoxicating sound of the sea. 

Vera shook her head and began to list every time she had ever been in a helicopter. All the times she had done as much as she could on the ground only to carry on inside a machine that whirred maddeningly all around her in the hopes that her patient would live. It was impossible not to remember, with bitterness, the involvement of a helicopter evacuation in what she considered among her darkest moments amidst a veritable lifetime of darkest moments.

There was no use in being angry with the Foundation. 

She leaned forward. Pressed her elbows against her knees as best she could with the helicopter belting. The opening notes to Over the Rainbow flickered to life in Vera’s mind. She glanced over at her violin, Sarasvati, carefully strapped in on her right. Vera had insisted. The violin was not optional. The violin was a condition of boarding. 

The song continued softly in her memory. Only violin and piano accompaniment. She and Ella had learned it before either of them had been playing a full year as a present for Ella’s sixth birthday. A present they adored and remembered almost entirely with fondness, for once. The Wizard of Oz had been their favorite everything growing up. They read each other the books, dressed up as Dorothy and Glinda the Good, and ruined the cassette overwatching the movie in their limited spare time. It was still Ella’s favorite. Likely, it always would be. 

Vera drew in a sharp breath and reached under the collar of her blouse. She drew out a delicate gold chain with two simple wedding bands on it. One she’d removed so recently that a pale, thin line remained visible on her ring finger. The other she’d taken off years before. Though she’d tried at times to leave it in the matchbox with the other two, she’d never successfully put it away for more than a few days before pulling it back out. Vera ran her thumb and forefinger over the outer rim of each ring. It soothed her and carried her gently back to them both. The tiny action was hypnotic. Eventually, Vera fell asleep. 

The landing woke her with a start. Vera remained seated longer than was at all required of her. She ran a few more circles around the rings while she stared at the doors. There was no way to know what lay behind them, but she did feel grateful that, for once, the helicopter’s signals were off. Before takeoff, Vera had shut her eyes to the screaming brightness of those red and white lights. 

With the lights off, if anything, it reminded Vera of the calm before entering an operating suite. The routine of stepping backwards into the room with all the confidence of a surgeon and all the reassurance of a physician. It reminded Vera of her hands, sure and steady, before the first incision.

She unbelted herself and had a leisurely stretch as they opened the doors for her. Tucked the rings back into her blouse. Tugged on her bag and her kit as her curly hair began to pick up in the wind. Vera unstrapped Sarasvati and held the violin close. And then, with a toothy grin at her handlers, she walked backwards towards the open doors and hopped off the helicopter. 

The doctor was in. 

[saltymongoose]

Saltymongoose player + yansofie soldier = player! soldier, how do you think it would go ?

Oh, this is certainly an interesting idea. I think it'd be very complex, to say the least. The mentality the S!Reader has, as well as cosmetic details in their uniform and knowledge of weaponry, is reliant on what "timeframe" they fall into. I know that yansoftie tends to go for a WWII Soldier, which is great and I love them, but technically it would make more sense for a more modern soldier to end up in the game (it's not like someone who fought in Normandy would be playing M:PN2 lmao).

If we go with the modern-day soldier from America, they'd probably mainly have the mentality of "I don't really want to be in the military, but I need some way to pay for college. :/" or something like that. Or perhaps they joined for a sense of discipline, or because their respective country requires mandatory service for a number of years. Regardless, the Player would probably have extensive experience with weaponry and the hierarchy that comes with being in the military. If we're under the assumption that they've yet to be discharged, and they're in the army, then it's likely that they only stream when they're on yearly leave. This could be really interesting, since I can see the Player being one of the more niche social media personalities that usually do short videos (on Tiktok, Instagram, and the like) while in the military, and their fans attend the live streams that they hold on their breaks.

So to get more into the actual meat of this AU, you'd likely start playing this game because you thought your fans would like it (and you probably had an interest in Madcom's animated series/the classic game too). While the experience of feeling your control and your strings wouldn't be any different, once they start to actually hear you, it will start to branch off.

It's highly likely that you would use a lot of references to your work in the military just to be "on brand" (and because it's pretty much your life at this point), which means bringing up gun calibers and commenting on your favorite weapons to use, as well as telling stories about interesting things that have happened to you while in the service.

The boys will immediately notice your observational skills and combat expertise from your comments and will spend most of the time silently awing over you whenever you say anything about their guns and their tactics. (When they're not fighting for your praise and attention, of course.) They take your words to heart, and you'll begin to see them using your preferred weapons in their default load-outs, even if you didn't think those specific guns or melee weapons were even in the game. (A result of them begging Doc to special order them, no doubt.)

They live to impress you; every tactic you mention is researched and studied relentlessly whenever you're away, all so it's perfectly executed upon your return. Furthermore, they'll practice day in and day out with your weapons (some of which they've even named after you/references to you) to see if you react to their increased skill with them. 2BDamned is not as receptive to this because of his role off the field. But this doesn't mean he won't ruminate over your every word and revere the sheer level of expertise and discipline you have. If anything, the fact that you're a soldier only confirms for your grunts that you're the perfect person to help them in Nevada. They love you for it even more, in a way.

And don't even get me started on when they actually see you. If you're in uniform during some of your streams (maybe you just got back or smth, or chat wanted it and met a dono goal), and they happen to have broken into the Auditor's office at the time, they're just sort of gobsmacked. Like they didn't think uniforms could be so attractive on someone before this, and it's sort of this combination of being flustered at your ethereal features and genuinely stunned by how you are in general. You're everything they expected and more.

They're beside themselves, truly (and falling deeper into their obsessions with you, let's be real). And you just know they're taking some of those flattering photos and stills the Auditor has and tucking them into their pockets so they can look at them out on the field, sort of like how you do with your loved ones when you're deployed. (Ironic, considering they look at them the most when you are. The days pass by so slowly when you aren't there.)

They aren't the most zealous of grunts by far, but they would consider worshiping their own god of war if it were you.

As one would expect to become self-evident once you actually meet them in person, of course.

[aayo-whatt]

✨~got bored so i put the winchester gays and their angel "buddies" in an incorrect quotes generator~✨

PART THREE BABES

~~

Gabe: *slams books down in front of Michael* Gabe: Boil up some Mountain Dew. It’s gonna be a long night. Michael: You could of said literally anything else. Gabe: Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble. Michael: I’m going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won’t win. I realize this now.

~~

Dean: If I see a bug, I simply leave the room elegantly and require someone else do something about it. Dean: If no one fulfills my wish, I simply never go back in there.

~~

Michael: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically. Adam: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes. Cas: Self care is stealing someones birthday cake just to eat the frosting. Adam: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

~~

Dean: Someone’s trying to break in. Call the cops! Cas: *loads shotgun* I got this. Dean: Last week you fell up the stairs, what do you mean-

~~

Adam: I need a long word. Dean: T-rex but the long one.

~~

Adam: *running towards Michael with open arms* Michael: *moves out of the way* Adam: Hey, why'd you move?! Michael: I thought you were going to attack me. Adam: I was going to hug you! Michael: Why would you hug me? Adam: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

~~

Dean: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

~~

Michael: Someone care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our apartment? Gabe: They're golden retrievers, dude. They retrieve gold. I did this for us.

~~

Adam: Don't ask me what I'm talking about. I don't know, okay? I'm just the vessel. The message has been gifted. I've moved on.

i saw vessel and just copied & pasted-

~~

Gabe: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me. Sam: But they said not to touch the masterpieces. Gabe: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall. Adam, on a walkie talkie: This is Adam, those idiots are fucking around in the East wing again.

~~

*In a group chat* Dean: A pegan just flew into my window. Sam: Pegan? Gabe: A what? Adam: Ah yes, my favourite bird, Pegan. Michael: I thought you said penguin for a second, LMAO! Cas: Just a normal day with flying penguins crashing into my window. Michael: You have pigeons flying into your window? Can't relate, I have penguins flying into my window. Dean: I literally just made a typo-

~~

Gabe: *writing a letter* Gabe: Dear Santa, I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty... And it was worth it you fat, judgemental bastard.

~~

Dean: I need to dye my hair. Michael: ... Dean: Or get another tattoo. Michael: ... Dean: Or a new piercing. Michael: Why? Dean: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown gods.

~~

Dean: What did you order this morning? Adam: What do you mean? Dean: I heard you answer the door, and I sensed food.

~~

Dean: And I’d love to be sorry for that, but we all know I’ve done much, much worse.

~~

Gabe: Am I going to far? Michael: No, no, no. You went too far about 7 hours ago. Now you’re going to prison.

~~

Sam: You three, explain right now! Michael: It was Dean. Adam: It was Dean. Cas: It was Dean. Dean: Dean: …fuck.

~~

Adam: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!? Dean, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what.

~~

Gabe: Wow, left handed AND British? You really are an illusion.

~~

Adam: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

Michael sitting next to him: 😐😑😐

~~

Adam: Why are you like this?? Dean: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

~~

Gabe: You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you. Sam: I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. Gabe: Absolutely not.

~~

Adam: The floor is lava! Michael: *helps Dean onto the counter* Sam: *kicks Cas off the sofa* Gabe: *lays on the floor* Adam: ...Are you okay? Gabe: No.

~~

Adam: If I fall down these stairs, I'm just going to lay down and accept my fate.

~~

Cas: Can I offer you a nice stick in this trying time?

~~

Adam: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos- Michael: I wrote you a poem. Adam, already crying:You did?

~~

Cas: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not! Dean: Cas, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday. Cas: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it! Sam: ...It was a bug. Cas: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not! Dean: ... Sam: ... Cas: Stop looking at me like that!

~~

Michael: I'm not mean. Name one mean thing I’ve ever done. Cas: When we were younger, you convinced me eggs weren't real. Michael: They're not. Cas: Haha, very funny. Michael: I'm serious. Didn't you hear? Cas: No... what happened? Michael: ...Why would you fall for this again-

~~

Sam: You need to be more careful! Gabe, who was dragged into Sam's issue: Careful? CAREFUL?! I'LL CAREFULLY WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT-

~~

Dean: How many vampires do you think have been hit by a car backing up in a parking lot because the driver couldn’t see their reflection? Michael: I’ve never considered it but you’re really shining light on what’s probably a very serious issue.

~~

PART 1 PART 2