#Playing a game and watching someone play are so different to me mentally

[ploverbear]

I feel like if I had more time to myself SS14 would be a game I got wxtremely into

[vylosinbound]

Slipping into sleep

MC falls asleep in front of the brothers

Characters: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub and Belphegor

Genre: Fluff / Slice of Life / Comfort

In the Devildom, it’s always night, and for a human like MC, the lack of sunlight can become exhausting. With different rhythms and endless-feeling days, it’s not unusual for MC to suddenly collapse onto someone… even at the most unexpected moments.

How would each brother react?

LUCIFER

A soft, elegant melody played in the background, keeping you company alongside two glasses of fine demonus, one of Lucifer’s favorites. In his study, your voice had grown quieter and quieter until you finally gave in, leaning against his shoulder with a slow, deep breath.

Lucifer paused mid-sentence, his gaze drifting down to you.

“...Really? Now?”

he sighed softly, though a small, fond smile tugged at his lips.

The truth was, the warmth of your body against his affected him more than he cared to admit.

He watched you for a moment, then set his pen aside and slid an arm around you, pulling you closer to better support you.

“...You’re so fragile sometimes. But with me, you’re allowed to be.” His voice was low, barely above a whisper.

Lucifer continued his work with careful composure, though every so often, his eyes would flicker back to you, as if to make sure you were still breathing easily.

MAMMON

You were lying together on the couch, watching one of his favorite movies (a loud, over-the-top action flick), and Mammon was in the middle of an animated rant about how he could "take that guy down in five seconds flat", when he felt a soft breath against his chest.

You had completely collapsed, curled up against him. "Hey... MC...? You even listenin’—oh..."

His cheeks instantly flared bright red. Mammon bit his lip, barely holding back the urge to wake you up just to see that confused little face of yours. Instead, he tightened his arms around you, heart pounding wildly.

"Sleep tight, babe..."

The words were whispered so quietly he was sure you couldn't hear them, a sweetness he only ever let slip when he thought you were fast asleep.

LEVIATHAN

You had been gaming in his room, surrounded by piles of plushies and anime merch. At some point, your controller slipped from your hands, and you slumped against him, fast asleep. Levi froze instantly, his entire body stiff with panic.

"O-OMG... MC?! W-what do I do?!"

He was sweating bullets, heart racing, mentally flipping through every "how to handle sleeping MC" trope he had ever read in fanfics. Finally, he cautiously, so cautiously, laid a trembling hand on your hair, stroking gently.

"I-it's fine... you can sleep on me if you want..."

His voice was barely a whisper, but the tips of his ears were burning bright pink.

SATAN

You were reading with him in his room. His voice, calm and deep as he read aloud, had an almost magical way of lulling you to sleep. Without warning, you leaned against him, your breathing slow and even.

Satan noticed immediately and smiled to himself. "You really are precious, MC."

Without a word, he pulled a blanket around you and kept reading, this time just for you. His voice softened even further, a silent promise to guard your dreams.

ASMODEUS

Asmo had been showing you some new skincare products, excitedly chatting about face masks and beauty routines. You leaned into him, clearly exhausted.

He gasped, then giggled softly. "Aww, my darling MC… completely worn out! So cute!"

With infinite care, he repositioned you comfortably against him, running his fingers through your hair in slow, affectionate strokes.

Every now and then, he pressed tiny kisses to your forehead.

"Sleep well, love. You're in the best hands possible."

BEELZEBUB

Beel was munching on a snack after training when you slumped beside him, yawning.

He noticed right away when you leaned into his side, falling asleep without a second thought.

"Oh... MC fell asleep?"

He set his food down quietly and wrapped his massive arm around you like a protective wall.

Beel didn't even dare to move too much, afraid to disturb you. He simply sat there, holding you gently, feeling the slow rhythm of your breathing against him.

BELPHEGOR

Belphie was already half-asleep, of course. But when you curled up against him and buried your face in his chest, a smug little smile appeared on his lips. Without even opening his eyes, he tightened his arms around you, pulling you even closer.

"Yeah... right where you belong..."

He nuzzled against your hair, completely content, and let himself drift into sleep with you tangled securely in his arms.

[jebunkle]

is this the real life?...

806 wc, gn!reader, all of them are having a mental breakdown

i saw some awesome sahsrau (self-aware hsr au) from @aventurineswife and they seemed a bit tired of making it...so i thought i'd give it a shot :p maybe ooc on some parts, sorry

the astral express who, while visiting a planet, begin to sense something amiss. it feels as if something, someone, has eyes on them occasionally.

while you're just logging in to play the game and pulling for new characters, everyone starts to freak out. what is watching over them? it can't be the aeons, something much more divine. hell, maybe even the aeons sense something is different.

himeko brews coffee while chatting quietly with welt, "you've felt it too, yes?" she asked him nervously, as if someone would hear if they were too loud. she sips her drink while glancing around every moment or so, displaying her franticness.

the express notices her off putting attitude, but before they can dwell on it, they begin to feel the same as her. it's almost like an illness, if this plague's symptoms were paranoia and impending doom.

the stellaron hunters are hardly different. kafka's smooth demeanor falters as she gazes off into the deep null of space. "who are you, divine being?" she asks into the nothingness, her sultry voice filling the otherwise empty air. as blade is sat on a couch, arms crossed over his chest, his posture seemed to be more tense than usual. of course, he was always uptight, but his behavior was extra rigid as of lately. silver wolf on the other hand, can't help but chuckle at kafka's philosophical rants and blade's silent pondering. she can tell that they're all puppets on a larger stage, meaning close to nothing in the vast universe — both her universe and yours.

aventurine, ever relaxed, has been carrying himself with a bit more of a troubled expression. his typical flamboyance has faltered and few around him have noticed. as aventurine sits on a red leather chair in an empty casino, he does not feel alone; tossing a golden coin between his fingers, aventurine begins thinking aloud. "i see you've chosen to reveal yourself, huh?" the blonde's voice is low and almost soft, as if he's trying not to offend whoever he may be speaking to.

dr. ratio's hair is a slightly unkempt, his eyebrows are pinched together much more frequently, and his papers and studies are left askew on his desk. a few members of the intellegentsia guild slowly catch onto how he's acting, and it's truly unbecoming of the infamous strict professor. his employees can be seen wearing a concerned expression when glancing over at him, yet are too afraid to inquire on his troubled state. "i will uncover whoever is ensuing this chaos amongst us all." ratio promises himself.

the xianzhou luofu is eerily quiet. the arbiter general himself has gone silent as well, as if the ship has been submerged into an ocean of solitude. jing yuan sits in his chair with his fingers intertwined atop his lap. internally, he wonders about this rumored 'creator'; are they real? is it an aeon? what does this mean for him? his companions? is something terrible on the horizon? his endless inquiries are certainly unlike him, causing the master diviner fu xuan to worry about him.

she feels that the world has been tilted also, however she's more concerned about jing yuan's scrambled state. "please, go home and rest, general." she pleads annoyedly, "mm. give me a moment, diviner fu." jing yuan replies quietly, his words melancholic. "you know as much as i do that something has changed." he states to the shorter woman.

boothill's shoes tap eagerly against the pavement that lined the roof of the building, echoing an ambience of anticipation. "what in the world are you?" the man questions the air rhetorically. he cannot, for the life of him, figure out what's causing such a stir in the mood of everyone, himself included. the silver cowboy's hand is rested on his hip, the other lifted to his neck with a finger pressed to his chin. "i dunno, but yer rackin' all our brains here.." boothill remarks, hoping that whoever is watching over him will hear it.

the enigmatic memokeeper is seen with a more defined smirk recently. black swan has taken interest is this unknown deity that has spiked fear and franticness all over the universe. she rests her palm against her chin, staring up into the stars that decorate the black outside of the express's windows. "i hope you'd be willing to speak with me, demiurge." she exclaims in a calm yet excited tone.

the head of the oak family stands in his obnoxiously large office, hands pressed against the polished table as he stares down at it. there's a few scattered documents thrown astray, but they're not important right now. all sunday can think of is you. he knows you exist, he's sure of it, and he won't rest until the day comes that you visit him and grace the world with your presence.

im so happy the eagles won the super bowl and kendricks performance was goated

dividers by @/hyuneskkami

[neoheros]

kageyama is having a horrible night.

he’s hungry, cold, and pissed – and now, to add a new thing to that roster, he finds himself lost in this big ass apartment building now too.

and to be honest, it just about serves him right for ditching hoshiumi and the others back in the parking lot downstairs.

they can’t really blame him though. they were taking way too long in the car, arguing over and over again on how to make an entrance into “enemy territory”, when really its just another harmless reunion party they’ve all been forced to attend.

still, despite all of that, kageyama finds himself here — lost and alone in an empty building corridor, mentally berating himself for forgetting which door number he was actually supposed to go into.

he supposes he could always just text hinata and ask, he would know after all, considering it’s miya freaking atsumu’s apartment this stupid get-together thing’s being held at.

he grumbles to himself again at the thought.

it’s only been a few hours since the adlers vs. jackals match ended and much to kageyama’s dissatisfaction (and surprise), the jackals won over him and his team by a wopping 15 points.

15 of which were scored with atsumu’s sets.

and now, not only is he supposed to live with losing to someone like atsumu miya, but he’s supposed to be a guest at his apartment now too? he really doesn’t want to be here.

“are you here for the party?”

a voice snaps him out of his inner grumblings, and suddenly, he’s back in the cold apartment corridor.

the voice he finds (you) looks at him quizzically, and he realizes there that you’re also pointing towards the door in front of where he’s standing.

he hasn’t really met you before, but he does recognizes you as one of the people in the picture hinata keeps on the back of his phone case.

were you part of the reunion thing too?

“yeah.” he nods, quiet, and its only now he notices the amount of brown paper bags you carry in your arms, it looks like snacks and groceries, so he says, “do you need help with that?”

“would you?” you smile at him, “thank you so much.”

he takes the paper bags in your arms and in return, you open the door for him. you had your own set of keys for the apartment it seemed, so maybe you really were a close friend to the jackals after all.

the two of you take your shoes off as you enter the doorway, and he’s only a little bit startled when you call out, “we’re here!”

kageyama takes a quick scan around the room. there’s at least 10-15 people who showed, half of them he knows from his high school days and the other half he only sees in passing when he plays them during practice matches or official games.

the turn out to this reunion thing is impressive, speaking volumes for the kind of man atsumu miya is for being able to host such a thing.

(he’s more surprised this amount of people like atsumu so much to turn up to such a pointless party. the only thing he remembered about the fake blond back in high school was how punchable his face was.)

the apartment itself isn’t really that impressive to begin with, it’s a standard two bedroom japanese flat, but the way it’s been decorated makes it feel a whole lot more different — homier.

“you can place the bags here.” you tell him, pointing to the kitchen counter, and he remembers that he’s no longer as alone as he was earlier tonight.

he does as he’s told, quiet, skittish, polite and he watches you walk past the kitchen counter and start opening cabinet drawers.

“kageyama, right?”

he isn’t that surprised to know that you already know his name, you are pretty close to hinata after all.

“yes.” he tells you, nodding, “tobio kageyama.”

“shoyo showed me a couple photos of the two of you guys a while back.” you say, rummaging through the kitchen fridge now, “so i recognized you when i saw you at the doorway.”

you turn back to him after another second, a proud smile on your face as you show him what you’d been looking for — drinks.

you hand him the bottle on your right hand and you introduce yourself to him finally, a small smile on your face that he finds actually really nice that he almost misses the part where you say your last name too.

“miya?” he asks, taking the drink you’re offering, “you’re miya too?”

it would make sense if you were, seeing as how comfortable you were in this apartment of his or how close you were to all his teammates.

besides, it wouldn’t be the first time kageyama’s met someone related to atsumu miya anyway, but this time it was less obvious, considering the fact that you don’t share his face and all that.

“are you related to atsumu?” he asks, although a bit obvious.

and you give him a playful smile, shoulders rising a little bit as it kind of gets you to laugh, “something like that.”

hoshiumi and the others still haven’t gotten here yet and he’s got half a mind to just ditch them and leave for making him wait by himself for so long.

but the other half of his thoughts are here, sharing a drink with you, and he thinks, okay, it isn’t so bad.

“so, kageyama,” you nudge his shoulder, “you here alone?”

he shakes his head, “i came with a few of my teammates… hoshiumi korai? but i think i lost them on the way here.”

(he omits the fact that he did leave them deliberately. but if he’s asked, he’ll admit the fact that they deserved it.)

“well, what do they look like? maybe i can help you find them.” you tell him, and immediately you looked more eager to do so than he’d expected.

you were very friendly and polite, a lot different from the usual characters he’d usually meet on the court. not to mention the fact that you’re supposedly related to someone like atsumu miya, someone he knows for a fact was very much not friendly and polite at all.

“he’s short.” is his simple response, and he follows up, just as casually, “like a pigeon.”

that gets you to smile, and weirdly enough, kageyama thinks it’s nice.

“looking for a short pigeon.” you nod, “coming right up.”

you laugh a little bit as you say it, and he thinks well, your laugh is nice too.

to be honest, maybe its the people or maybe its the mood and atmosphere of the party, but kageyama isn’t as invested in looking for his friends anymore.

he feels his ears get warm at that sentiment.

was that a weird thing to think about somebody you just met? he really doesn’t know.

hoshiumi has been hounding him since the day they met that he needed to be more social and less of a recluse, but kageyama always thought of hoshiumi as the human equivalent of a bouncy house, so he didn’t really pay that much attention towards his words.

“do you play volleyball?” he asks you, and he doesn’t really know why. he hates small talk, but he thinks its nice when you talk to him.

“not at all.” you laugh with a shake of your head, “i’m mostly here for shoyo and the other guys.”

the two of you walk around the apartment now, both in hopes to suddenly run into hoshiumi and the other team mates in the midst of the crowd.

you pass by different faces all familiar to him, and they all say their heys and hellos to the both of you, but you seem to receive them a lot warmer than he does.

if he didn’t know any better, it almost seemed like you were the one hosting and not atsumu with the way everyone here greeted you — where was he, anyway?

“actually, before i met them, i had no clue what the hell a libero was.” there’s a soft laugh in your voice as you speak, and he’s all the more glad he made small talk.

you give him a bashful smile, “now i wanna be one just so i can be the only person on the team with a cuter shirt.”

that makes kageyama smile a little bit too. a smile small enough for it to be polite, but still big enough for him to know that it may actually be genuine.

in all truths and honesty, he really doesn’t care about where his teammates are anymore. they could have left and ditched him here for the evening and he felt that it still would’ve been fine.

kageyama has a hard time meeting people. they always think he’s too mean or too cold or too reclusive, and he can’t really blame them, for that’s really just the way he is.

he’s been resigned to this personality for forever that it just seems pointless to try and change anything about it now. if people don’t like him then fine, he’s not asking to be liked anyway.

but for some reason, tonight feel different, different here and different with you.

the conversation feels easy and your words are kind and polite, almost sweet. you smile a lot as you talk to him, and he thinks it’s nice to see every single time.

( it almost makes him think, maybe he isn’t as bad as company as people make him out to be. )

the two of you had done an entire lap around the apartment by now, back at the starting point of where the two of you first met, and still no sign of his team mates that were supposed to be here with him.

“well, should we try calling them?” you suggest, and he only shakes his head in return, you’ve already done so much for him tonight.

he sees you take your phone out of your pocket though and a different idea pops into his head, and immediately, his face feels warmer than it did a moment ago.

hoshiumi’s always been hounding him about being too much of a recluse, always going on and on about how he should seize opportunities and meet new people, and he’s always thought it was a load of bull.

“actually.” he begins, and kageyama feels embarrassed almost to even think about what he’s about to ask you.

but it’s a party and where else would opportunities be seized and where else would he meet new people that made him smile so easily.

so he swallows down his pride a little bit, and he looks at the ground, seemingly having an easier time looking at anything else aside from you, and he says, ears pink and all, “may i ask for your numb-”

“tobio-kun, glad to see ya make it.”

he doesn’t get to finish his question and when he looks up from the floor, he finally sees the man he’s been looking for all evening.

atsumu miya really does have a punchable face.

but it’s so much worse right now as he stands next to you, smug and proud to have seen him at such an embarrassing moment that kageyama could only hope that you didn’t hear him.

“atsumu.” he makes a polite nod of acknowledgment, straightening himself as he bows slightly, “thank you for having me.”

kageyama ignores the look atsumu’s giving him, and he says instead, “you have a lovely home.”

atsumu only gives him a shrug and kageyama swears he’s looking at him the same exact way he does when he sees him talk to hinata on the court.

the three of you stand by the doorway. awkward.

you clear your throat and the two of them look at you now.

“well, it’s all thanks to me, really.” you give them both a nudge, and atsumu knows the laugh you intertwine with your words feel nervous.

kageyama sees you give the blond man to your side a look, and atsumu deflates a little bit, but his menacing — and oh so punchable — demeanor is gone almost instantly.

its less awkward now.

you pat atsumu on the shoulder, “if it were up to this guy, it’d be paper plates kitchenware and dirty socks all over the floor all the time.”

it’s quiet for a second.

then kageyama raises a brow, “you two live together?”

and atsumu quickly replies, “obviously.”

( you nudge atsumu on the shoulder again, harder this time, and you roll your eyes when he says “ow!” )

you look at kageyama, feeling a little bit sorry for him at the confusion this all must be causing him.

“not by choice.” you give him a short smile, and you point to atsumu with another roll of your eyes.

“he’s my husband, so i’m forced to live with him.”

. . . oh.

it takes a second for your words to click in kageyama’s head, another second to notice the bright gold band on atsumu’s ring finger, and one last second to realize that you had been wearing one this entire time too.

. . . oh.

if kageyama hadn’t felt like an idiot before, he sure feels it and a million times more now.

he makes a mental note to never listen to anything hoshiumi tells him ever again, and another mental note to hit hinata in the head for not ever mentioning that atsumu miya, the most punchable guy on the planet, is married to you, the kindest person he’s ever met.

his words feel dry on his throat, his ears a darker shade of pink just from pure embarassment alone, and he chokes out, “ah — congratulations.”

and atsumu smiles widely, not missing a beat, “i set the bar high, i know.”

( surely, this guy has been punched before. )

you look like you’re about to say something to kageyama, (probably something consoling) but before you get the chance to, a stroke of luck in his favor finally happens, and finally — finally — after all evening, kageyama hears hoshiumi call for his name.

truly, he’s never been happier to hear his human bouncy house call for him.

kageyama turns to you quickly, and he bows, polite, “please excuse me, i finally see my friends.”

he sounds eager and quick to leave as he speaks, “thank you for your help and thank you for having me into your home.”

“its not a problem at all.” you tell him, and you kind of feel sorry for him just by looking at how much he already wants to leave.

before kageyama goes though, he looks to you one last time, ears still pink and eyes still avoidant.

still, he tells you, “it was very nice to meet you.” and then he’s gone.

atsumu watches kageyama leave, an amused smile on his face at the sight of how quickly he’s walking just to escape his vicinity, and a second passes, maybe another, and he’s lost in the crowd again.

the two of you are alone now, leaning together by the wall of the door and you nudge atsumu on his side, “you were mean.”

and your husband scoffs at you, “don’t think i didn’t hear him try and ask for ye’r number.”

you wave him off, and he moves closer to you.

finally, he felt like he’s been missing from you all night.

“ah, let it go, he didn’t know.” you wave your hand as you dismiss him, and you smile, “besides, what would you have done, hm? hit him?”

“no.” your husband crosses his arms against his chest, scoffing loudly, almost sounding offended if you didn’t know him so well.

but then he peeks an eye open, tone immediately changing, and he follows, “why? would you have found it hot if i did?”

you laugh and he is closer to you. “absolutely not.”

( you don’t get to experience the smug and punchable atsumu miya everyone else gets, when he is with you, the only smiles shared are big and happy and in between kisses and hugs. )

atsumu pulls you into his arms loosely, just to get you closer, just so he can touch you, “then i must be soooo hot right now because i didn’t, right?”

“oh, yes, definitely.” you match him in every way, “you are soooo hot and sexy for not assaulting anyone on our brand new carpet.”

“oh, i get sexy too? here i was being all humble with just hot.” he teases, and there may be lots of people in the apartment you share right now, but it still feels like its just the two of you together. “you’re very easy to please.”

you laugh — the way he always makes you laugh — and he kisses you, because who could resist kissing you? you kiss him back briefly, your smile breaking the kiss eventually as you push him off.

“i’m married to you.” you say, and you’re as playful as he is, “my bar is very low.”

people are always so shocked to hear it when atsumu introduces himself as your husband, and he knows, for good reason, that yes, it is because the two of you are married so young.

but he also knows that aside from that — and this one makes him very proud — that the shock and surprise doesn’t only come from your age, but from something else entirely too.

because not only is atsumu miya married at 21, but he is also married to someone who’s the complete opposite of him; someone who’s as perfect as you.

[moonlight-alexia]

uneven ground | a.p./p.g.

alexia putellas x reader (platonic) + patri guijarro x reader (platonic) | 3.5k | grief is hard to navigate, but your friends are there to help you

ˏˋ°•*⁀ this came out of nowhere. it's somehow 3am and i wrote 3.5k through my tears...this is very personal and written completely because i express through writing and my own grief has been overwhelmingly consuming me, especially at night lately. always here for you all <3

any and all feedback, comments, reblogs etc are very appreciated and welcome <3

The locker room is loud again, which was nice in its own way. Almost comforting in the way that the loudness could distract you from everything that’s happened. But at the same time, it felt suffocating to be around it all, watching everyone’s lives go on while you just sat there.

Laughter bounced off the walls, music filling any other moment that would have otherwise been silent, boots clattering against the floor. Within these walls nothing had changed, not for the team at least, but your entire world had been shaken up, changed forever with no clue on how to move forward or feel like yourself again.

In these moments, it felt the most isolating. It felt like you were the only one who would ever feel this way. That’s the funny thing about grief, about losing someone you held so closely, it was both loud and quiet. Loud in the way that it consumed your entire being, all of your thoughts and feelings, but quiet in the way that it physically made you quiet. Like you had so much inside you that wanted to be let out, but you couldn’t find the words or you didn’t want to burden them anymore with your grief.

You hadn’t let yourself deeply feel the loss of your sister. The first few weeks that followed you were engulfed with so much love, constant conversations, and busy planning the funeral. Even though you’d just lost someone you never imagined losing so soon, your biggest problem was what kind of flowers, what songs should be played and trying to pick the right photos to capture everything your sister was in her life.

The weeks after the funeral, after you’d come back to training, everything seemed to slow down. After you stopped being busy is when it began to fully process, it’s when you started to feel just how greatly your loss had hit you. Your heart ached. It ached for your sister, for the life you had to now live without her, it ached for someone to see past whatever mask you had on, it ached for someone to just see you.

The locker room was loud, but it was missing one voice that normally always added to it. Yours. You didn’t think anyone would notice. But you miss Alexia across the room, talking quietly with Patri and how her eyes flicker towards you every now and then. Everything you thought went unnoticed, your two best friends picked up on.

Alexia thought you had come back to training, to playing, to the team too soon. But everyone is different in how they process and with what they need. Truth was, you had forced yourself back quicker than you should have. The silence was more suffocating than watching everyone else move on and feeling like you were sitting on the sidelines of your life watching it pass by. 

You tied your laces too tight but you didn't fix it. It gives you something to feel, something other than the insurmountable grief coursing through your body. You went through the motions of training. Physically you were fine, how you felt mentally hadn’t gotten to the point of impacting your game, how you play or train. You could crack a joke, force a smile, just pretend.

Everyone else was fooled. Except Alexia noticed the way the light had stopped shining in your eyes, the dark circles underneath that hadn’t been there until the last week or so, the way your smile never reached your eyes anymore. Patri noticed how your jokes were shallow, not much thought like you used to and instead just general quips back, how you wouldn’t joke or mess around any further than just surface level. 

Today during training, it wasn’t the first time they’d noticed the changes. It just took them a bit to figure out how to approach it, how to approach you. 

‘Something’s wrong with…,’ Patri had nodded in your direction when she brought it up with Alexia, she’d known you longer outside of football, to the point Alexia knew and was close with your entire family. Out of anyone else on the team to also notice how you really were, Patri knew it’d be Alexia. 

You never noticed them talk about you, no one else did. They did it in a way that didn’t bring attention, in a way that they could figure out the best way to 

Alexia didn’t argue or disagree when Patri first brought it up with her. Instead a hum of agreement, her eyes watching your interactions with everyone else, and a deep sigh before tearing her eyes away from you and towards Patri. Grief wasn’t easy. They both couldn’t take it away from you. No matter what they did. And they definitely didn’t want to make you feel like they were trying to rush you through the process

They just wanted to give you a space where you could just be. A space you and your grief could exist together without the worry that you were burdening others too much. A space that told you that you, your memories of your sister, and the way you were feeling weren’t being forgotten or left behind.

So their way of showing up for you, to tell you that you were seen, that your grief was real and that there was no timeline or deadline that you’d have to finish grieving by, manifested in small ways. 

After training, you were sitting in your cubby, still in your kit, right down to your boots still laced too tight. You were watching the rest of the team file out. Your gaze was distant, you were seeing everyone but not really. You barely registered when Alexia had dropped down sitting beside you. 

She didn’t talk at first. She let you both exist there in the silence of the change rooms until she heard your breathing become a little unsteady. Alexia had been your friend for a while, she knew how to read you, this might be the first loss she’s seen you witness in the time of your friendship but she’s seen you struggle mentally, she’s seen you go through heartbreaks so similar in terms of how deeply it made you feel.

So Alexia notices the change in your breathing, she already saw the distant gaze your eyes held. She spoke up before she could let the silence, let your thoughts and grief wrap around you and pull you under, ‘I saw the photo your mum posted. You and her, last year in Mallorca,’ Alexia’s voice was soft, quiet, enough to break through the silence without deafening her surroundings. You didn’t say anything, but she knew you were listening, ‘Both completely sunburnt, your smiles so big, lighting up your whole face,’

You kept your gaze in front of you, you felt your throat closing up a little. You remembered that trip like you were still living it. You’d do anything to relive that, to relive it all before you got that dreaded call from your mum. The call you could barely understand between her own tears that felt like they soaked through the phone. 

‘I remember you telling me that she couldn’t swim, refused to learn when she was little no matter how hard your parents tried, but she still insisted on diving in anyway,’ Alexia leaned forward, her arms resting against her thighs, she was talking out in front of her seemingly like she was talking into the void. You didn’t need to talk back.

You nod, the memory hurts, remembering her hurts, but this is what you had secretly been hoping for. For someone to see you, to see your hurt, to remind you she wasn’t going to be forgotten, ‘I had to dive right in to save her, like always,’ Your voice cracked, you hadn’t really used it much, hearing it almost felt foreign.

‘Didn’t you say she used to sing to your dog? To try to lull him to sleep? But it would just make him run around barking instead,’ Your eyes stung a little, tears filling, your eyes a little glassy. The way Alexia was talking to you, talking about your sister, it was so gentle, so easy and it hit you hard.

Not in any kind of dramatic, lung collapsing way but in a way where your breath shakes a little before composing again, the way you lay your hands flat against your thighs so they stop trembling. For the first time since the funeral, you felt seen. 

‘Yeah, I think she made up half the songs. Or they were that off-key they were unrecognisable,’ Alexia smiles softly when she hears a ghost of a laugh escape your lips. Your lips barely resembled a smile but in that moment it felt like your sister was alive again. That you weren’t alone.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

One morning, a few days after that first interaction with Alexia, you’d arrived to training far too early, dark circles more prominent than ever before. You were curled up in a corner, already on your third coffee before anyone arrived. 

You had a rough night, but most nights were like that now. This one was just worse. Ending up in yet another sleepless night that you hoped to forget about. You were starting to get used to it, used to barely sleeping, used to feeling so far disconnected from your body.

You stared outside, the coffee barely able to warm your body, barely able to make you feel just quarter of being alive. Outside the sun started to shine brightly, you were starting to resent the sun. How could the sun still shine when yours no longer did. Some days you felt like the sun was mocking you and the coldness you felt inside, some days you felt like the sun was a sign from your sister to tell you to get out and keep moving forward. You always compared her to the sun, she was your sun, that was just who she was.

Today you felt like the first one.

‘What number’s that one?’ Patri joked, nodding towards the cup in your hand. She’d started coming to training a bit earlier, in case you were already there and you might need someone to make sure the sleepless nights weren’t catching up to you too much. Even if today was the first time you’d turned up to training abnormally early. Patri would still be there.

‘First one,’ You mumbled lowly, tapping your finger against the side of the cup a few times. Patri smirked, you had some quirks when you were lying, your sister would always throw you under the bus and told your teammates all your weird quirks and things you do in certain situations.

‘You’ve always been a terrible liar,’ Patri had occupied the seat across from you now, her own cup joining yours on the table, ‘The first time I met her she told me how to tell when you’re lying,’ 

Your breath hitches slightly at the mention of your sister. Casually dropped into conversation, like it always belonged. Patri never stumbled, trying to take back mentioning your sister like some people tend to do. You were a bit surprised, but it was mostly due to the fact that everyone had stopped mentioning her. 

Everyone tried to avoid any and all conversations that involved her. It was like they were afraid to say something that might make you break. But you were doing a good job at breaking on your own.

Your eyes caught Patri’s, you smiled a little, it was lopsided but it was still a smile and rolled your eyes playfully, ‘She did love spilling those things about me,’

Looking down at your cup again briefly, your chest didn’t ache as much, your shoulders felt a bit lighter.

‘Want to go sit in the sun? Get coffee number, what, four or five before the loud ones burst in?’ Patri nodded outside where she caught your eyes briefly drifting off towards.

‘You say that like you aren’t one of them,’ 

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

Everyone was celebrating. You’d won an important match, you’d scored and dedicated it to your sister. Even you were celebrating, you looked so free for the first time in a while. For the first time since you felt free, you felt the joy that everyone else was feeling around you.

Just like a lot of things lately, your burst of happiness, burst of freedom from grief, was cut short when someone shouted, ‘Let’s go out tonight! To celebrate!’ 

You froze. Suddenly all you could hear was your sister’s voice. She’d find any small thing to drag you out of the house to ‘celebrate’. Your eyes darted around, you were sure if you focused long enough on one spot you would be able to see her standing there in front of you. A cheeky grin on her face, pulling you up from your bed to your wardrobe. 

Throwing all different outfits at you. Laughing so loudly, so freely, every time you complained about having to try on another outfit. You could feel your sister's hands on your face trying to keep your head still while she did your make up, she was always much better at it than you. 

The endless photos, the way you’d both dance until you felt like your feet were going to fall off, all of it. It consumed you and you struggled to tell what was real and what wasn’t. The cheers around the dressing room felt like they were worlds away while you sat down, slowly untying your boots, too slowly, your fingers feeling each strand of the laces, each ridge of your boot, trying to ground yourself back to reality.

While the room was lively, you weren’t, Alexia was near you now taking off her own boots and socks before she leaned over, her hand gently on your shoulder making you flinch but firmly pulling you back to reality, ‘We can skip the celebrations,’ 

‘Come over, I’ll make us something, we can watch some terrible movie thats so bad we don’t know whether to love or hate,’

‘But–’ You looked around the room, celebrations weren’t stopping or lulling any time soon. Alexia caught your gaze and understood what you were trying to say. But you knew deep down, without Alexia needing to tell you, that they’d all be fine without you for one night. 

Your absence might be noticed but they’d understand. You were starting to learn that you didn’t always need to be who you were before you lost your sister, and you didn’t need to push yourself to be a version that was digestible for others, one that wasn’t holding an insane amount of grief and pain. Your friends would still be there, even if you chose a quiet night in with one friend over a night out with many of your friends.

‘Captain’s orders,’ You shook your head in disbelief at Alexia, she just smirked and walked away to grab her things. 

You didn’t fight Alexia, you went back to her place. She cooked you the food that you would talk for hours about whenever your sister made it for you. It might not have tasted exactly like your sister’s but it felt like a piece of her. You held your bowl close while eating, like it might vanish if you let go, but you held it close and you felt like you had her back with you. 

As momentary as it was. When Alexia told you what she’d made you almost cried. You didn’t though, but you thought that you might finally be able to sleep through the night again.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

However, healing wasn’t linear. No matter how many good nights you had started to have, there were still plenty of rough nights that you didn’t think you’d mentally make it through. Tonight was one of those emotionally draining nights, the kind that left you wide awake until sunrise, everything and everyone slowly reappearing to make the world lively again. And you’d feel out of place, like some weird juxtaposition.

It all started with accidentally playing a voice note your sister had sent you, after finding out you’d made it to the champions league final again. How happy and excited she sounded, the warmth she always gave that could fill up any space, it made you smile a little hearing her voice again. Until the end. Until the ‘I can’t wait to see you win it again, I’ll be right there. I love you,’ 

She never did make it to the champions league final, and neither did you. The girls went on to win it, they said they won it for you. They won it for you and your sister. Amidst their on pitch celebrations they had a moment of silence, huddled around in a circle, close together, heads bowed. They took that moment for you. 

You watched that video over and over. You listened to that voice note over and over. You didn’t care right now if it sent you spiralling, you just needed to feel it. Like trying to claw your way into a moment that had already passed, or hoping that if you listened enough times you’d never forget your sister's voice. Like that video and that voice note could pull you back in time. Back in time, in a universe where the video didn’t need to exist. Because she made it to that final

It wasn’t healthy, you knew this loop would pull you under. That was the kind of pull grief could have over a person. It had its own gravity and you were stuck in its orbit, caught in its pull with no clear way out.

Then out of nowhere, cutting through your inevitable spiral, your phone buzzed in your hand. It took a few seconds for your eyes to adjust to a different kind of lighting coming from your phone and for your brain to register the interruption.

Patri [12:15am] Have you seen or heard? It’s absolutely pouring outsideYou’re still up, right?

You [12:20am]

Yeah

Patri [12:22am] Come outside, don’t forget a jacket

Your eyebrows scrunched together and you hesitated momentarily. You could’ve ignored it, but you pulled yourself out of your bed, grabbing your rain jacket in the process. Your confusion didn’t falter, even when you peeked outside seeing Patri’s car in your driveway. 

It was pouring, and you’re back in real time, not inside your head, where you can actually hear how loud the rain sounds even from inside your home. But you threw on your jacket, hands shoved inside your pockets, and stepped outside.

The rain against your body felt jarring, the cold swept through your body and settled into your bones. It also felt like it shifted something inside you. Like it had cracked the heaviness that was inside you, open just enough to let some air back in. To let some life back into you.

‘What are you doing here?’ Patri leaned against the side of her car, lightly tapping her foot against one of the puddles the rain had already made appear. Patri was soaked already, but she didn’t seem to care. She didn’t say anything, instead she looked up at you with a small smirk on her face before she kicked her foot against the water. 

‘Hey!’ You shrieked, laughing out a little, kicking some water back at Patri. 

Your laughter got louder the more you messed around in the rain together. You were kicking water at each other, running away, slipping over on the wet grass. If anyone saw the two of you right now they’d think you were sisters. It’s exactly something you’d be caught doing with your sister, especially when you were both younger.

And then it hit. Out of nowhere, all at once. Just how rain can, ‘I’m scared that I’m going to forget her laugh, or the way her dimples would only show when she smiled to someone she cared about,’ You didn’t know when your laughter turned into sobs or when the rain on your face turned into tears, ‘I’m scared I’m going to forget her. I’m scared to live in a world where she doesn’t exist anymore,’

Everything you’d been holding back out of fear of burdening those around you with your pain, you let out. Patri never promised that you wouldn’t forget the sound of your sister's voice or that way she laughed. But she also never said that you would forget.

Instead she just said, ‘Tell me the one thing she did that always made you laugh, no matter what,’ 

You told her and Patri laughed. She laughed and you laughed with her. Patri didn’t need to reassure you that you wouldn’t forget. Because even if you did forget how your sister sounded, you’d always remember the way she’d make you laugh. Her laughter, her happiness, it was all remembered through you. Through everyone who knew her and, for now, that was enough.

[fiendishfables]

I would love to see this- Lucifer is the strongest entity in Hell, and it turns him on like nothing else when his lover wrestles him for dominance. He will go straight up feral over that.

Lucifer Morningstar wrestling his S/O for dominance...

Headcanons + Drabble

warnings: nsfw, hints at degradation, mentions of blood, biting, scratching, power-dynamics, rough(er) love

words: 806

a/n: I had way too much fun with this- thanks for this lovely, unique ask, I hope I did it justice! It was a bit difficult for my pee brain to come up with things to write, but the people need to be fed; here is your feast

✡ It's hot, its rough, and it's primal

✡ Ideally, Lucifer never tended to like it when anyone challenged his authority, no matter what over

✡ But if you, his lover, did so, he had the benefits of being able to take you however he pleased after you get the chide out of your system (with consent of course), knowing damn well how much it riles him up

✡ When the two of you wrestle, its almost like two wild animals, fighting for a meal that could very well end up being your last before a harsh winter rolls in

✡ It doesn't take long for his demon form to make an appearance during your steamy game, allowing him a decent advantage over your regular strength capabilities; you often call him out for 'cheating', but seeing him in such a feral state turns you on like nothing else

✡ You can feel him getting hard the first few minutes of your rough-housing, telling you all you need to know about how much he really enjoys doing things like this with you. His deep, guttural groans are hard to ignore, his wings flaring up as they batter your body with feather-light touches

✡ His claws and fangs are really coming out now. His claws are dug deep into your skin, leaving light (yet effective) scratches on your skin, as he watches the blood well up on the line of the cut, proceeding to then lean down and let his forked tongue lick off the excess mess his claws left behind

✡ Bite marks will litter your body, blood complimenting those areas as well. The stinging sensation they leave can not go unnoticed and they only help add to the different emotions you are feeling in the current moment

✡ Having someone to challenge him, both mentally and physically, gets him going; its admirably hot how you continue to protest that you could take him down if you wanted to, and he likes seeing that smug, confident smirk of yours turn to one of pure pleasure and ecstasy as he proves you wrong, over and over again

✡ Knowing he holds the most power possible for a being in any hellish realm, makes it all the more fun when you try and downgrade that title, even if just in the slightest bit; it's your own little game you like to play with one another, a common game of cat and mouse, or rather, Devil and prey

✡ Lucifer is ravaging your body, fully claiming you this time, letting you know that there is no one but himself that can hold this power over you; it reminds you that he will always be in charge one way or another, no matter how much you question

✡ In the long run though, you both love these feral moments in your relationship, getting to express your shared love for one another even in such a strange, somewhat brutal way

✡ He loves fighting for his right to dominate you, and he never fails to claim it.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

The heavy panting and notable scent of sweat on the pair of your bodies seemed to go unnoticed, as the two of you were locked in both an intense staring contest, and a physical fight between your bodies; fingers were locked together, arms continually pushing at the other in an attempt to overthrow them. Your bare skin rubs against each other feverishly, his hard cock still buried deep within you from earlier.

"Do you really think you can overpower me in a battle for dominance, darling? I suggest you give in and just let your King take care of you."

His voice was smooth, soothing almost, aside from his heavy breaths filling your ears. He still sounded like an angel to you all the same.

A feral one.

The two of you had been at this now for a good half-n-hour, trying to secure your position as the dominant party in the sheets for the night, but Lucifer had you pinned underneath his own pale body at this point, using the enhanced strength from his demon form to keep you where you were.

The fight for dominance had been over just as soon as it had started; you both knew this from the beginning.

No matter if you were to be above or beneath him, he would always find a way to end out on top of it all, including yourself.

And by all the Gods, if that didn't make him even sexier in your eyes.

You would easily give yourself up to Lucifer whenever he wanted or needed you; there was no doubt about it and you both shared that same knowledge.

But maybe, if this is where challenging him for dominance got you, then you'd have to indulge in the action more often.

[danrifics]

good morning i have slept a total of 2 hours here’s my spoiler breakdown for terrible influence antwerp

they start by playing a text to speech voice who welcomes us and the straight boyfriends and the dads (they’re a bit obsessed with the dads i’ll be real) the voice tells us if we film she’s gonna sue are asses. text to speech lady she is an icon

dnp come out and they’re like yo this is cool it’s the first show, you guys are gonna see what we’ve been up to and then they’re like it’s the first show so we can use you guys to decide if we change anything

they they’re like there’s probably people in the audience who don’t really know us so they do a 15 years of dan and phil lore breakdown with dolls of themselves in little set of iconic dnp locations (made by pj and sophie btw) they put these sets in a table in front of a camera and it shows on the big screen, (for 1 section of this the screen doesn’t work for the first part lol) also phil makes the dolls kiss and they also make the dolls hump the breakfast bar cos of course they do

i can’t remember what happens next or maybe it jumps right into the next thing i mention

they play a game show called role model or no-model which is a madlibs style game where you have to decide if the version of dan and phil the audience creates is a role model or not these are compared to real dnp. we had homophobic furry lawyer dan and linguistics dr phil wo has a thing for hamsters. just an fyi for this dan is really good at hearing what the audience is saying and phil is not at all and im pretty sure he made his up cos he couldn’t understand what we wanted

okay so after this iirc they start talking about the youtube landscape and what they’re gonna do after tour and how to keep people entertained and they go on a little adventure through different genres of youtube like minecraft lets plays, vtubers and then they pretend to be mr beast and pretend to give away a bunch of stuff that they don’t have, they cure us of any mental health issues and they cure us from being gay <3

then they decide to have a boxing match cos obvs that’s what youtubers do, they ask us to cheer for whoever they want to win and it has cool intro to it! i’ll be honest this boxing match goes on for entirely too long like it spans the end of the first half and the start of the second but they have like choreographed fighting and OMFG it’s very gay and like suggestive and they do many times look like they’re gonna have sex 😂 like one of phils moves is to hit dan with his ass while dan is holding him from behind so… yeah. anyway dan thought he won ours and then phil knocked him out with a tv, as he should!! also before they end the first half they’re having an insult match where phils tells dan hes gonna burn his house down only for dan to say they live in the same house and i was dying it was so funny, phil also calls dan a dickhead and this is where he also calls him a cunt and that’s how the first half ends. oh also phil has a fake 6 pack on and that’s the $300 dollar silicone btw

okay second half after dan is dead they have a sincere moment and then they’re like you guys keep telling us you want load of long unedited content and they ask us to tell them a topic to monologue about and someone shouts feet and they rant about feet lmao phil excitedly tells everyone he has a better wiki feet rating than dan

then dan goes on a rant about being discriminated against as a millennial (can’t remember how we got there) and phil gets bored and starts watching subway surfers and i’ll be real honest as a gen z i instantly got distracted by subway surfers and didn’t listen to what dan was saying (that was the point tho) and phil keeps turning up the volume and dan gets mad and he storms off

we have a nice sincere moment with phil but idk what tf it was cos neither did phil 😂

then suddenly a voice, oh here she comes, she asks if we’re ready to confess our sins and out comes sister daniel, everyone fucking loses it, if you heard me screaming so loud no you didn’t.

anyway they read some confessions (phil is father philip) and they read out a few including one from @dnphobe !!! phil has a water gun that he didn’t have when he was meant to and couldn’t find and then found and he was spraying it at people to cleanse them of their sins which is what they meant by people being in the splash zone btw also phil sprayed it at dan it was kinda cute

okay so they say they need to go and get changed and they head off stage and there’s a gag where they leave the microphone on and they’re purposely making it sound sexual and it’s so funny and then dan comes out and phil doesn’t cos he’s struggling with his leather fucking trousers that was a completely unscripted part for sure

then they talk about the hiatus a bit and how dan left us and they keep calling us their family and brb while i cry my eyes out

then they pull out a fucking banger of a song, like i can’t even explain to you how good it is, it has a fully like kpop style dance to it that im gonna fucking learn lmao and dan was so good at it like im not even kidding that man was pulling moves!! phil was doing great too btw but he definitely wasn’t as confident in it as dan was but damn it’s the best song yet imo!!

also i forgot to write the conspiracy bit because i forgot where in the show it is but on one of them they were trying so hard to make us say the opposite one but we were literally forcing tour bus on them and yes they confirmed they shared a bed on that tour bus!! and they played it off like its okay for friends to do that (cos it is) but they way they said it was that thing again where they blur the line a little so we know what they actually mean but still pretend they mean something else

okay some little things i remember that i didn’t write above

- “i can’t imagine my life without you”

- “it’ll be 15 years in december” (if you know you know)

- the absolute silence after they confirmed the bed thing cos none of us were actually expecting it

- dan had to prompt phil a little to remind him what to say next but it was very cute

- they kept looking at each other in *that* way

- phil lied to us about when norman died cos he had norman merch coming out

- sleepless night with phil 3 is fake!!

- they showed *that* video of phil asleep on the tour bus

- there were multiple times where i thought they’re gonna kiss right now???

-phil called dan kinda sexy

- ALL IS FORGIVEN, ANYTHING FROM THE LAST WE MIGHT HAVE DONE IS FORGIVEN THEY LOVE US WE ARE A FAMILY THEY ARE LITERALLY OUR DADS

[erenstitanweave]

❥HOW WE LOVE IV

pairing: various x reader (ambessa, sevika, viktor)

rating: giving/receiving love languages headcanons

a/n: hi everyone, so sorry this took forever!! my mental health hasn't been in the best shape lately but i wanted to get this out for you all asap, so here it is!!

SEVIKA

giving:

sevika is quite literally a softie under all the walls that Zaun has caused her to build up around herself

i think she'd give her lover acts of service the most with a side of words of affirmation, but let me cook

we see in the show that her doing things for people (especially silco) is like second nature to her, so i think that would be the more outward and first way she'd express her love

it doesn't really matter what the task is either, you don't even really need to ask her to do it either, she just does it.

she usually keeps a very watchful eye over you, often not letting you out her sight if she doesn't have to

she makes it a point to remember what you need at certain points, remembering every scenario in which you showed how you feel to her and making sure she responds accordingly

after her walls slowly let down with how much time she spent around you, she'd let out small instances of the soft nature she holds inside her

she's a sucker for making sure you know exactly what she thinks of you, especially when she knows you need it

she makes sure she lets you know that she cares for you deeply, even going so far as to tell you why she cares for you and what she loves most about you

i think it would take her a while to fully open up to her lover, but once she does, she's sure that it'll be only you that she ever does it to.

receiving:

sevika is so used to doing things for other people, she rarely does anything for herself or has anyone doing things for her

with how she reacted when jinx made her an arm, i think she rarely has ever had someone do something significant for her, or even just something in general

i think she'd really appreciate it if you did things for her, but i don't think she'd know how to react at first

she's well aware of doing things simply because someone asks you to do it, but if you did something for her that she didn't even ask for? she's already seeing you in a different light than before

it could be something as simple as bringing her a lighter when she misplaced her own, or even using your own to light whatever she's smoking and she would silently appreciate it a lot more than she thought she would

i think quality time would be a big one for her, especially since half of her time was spent doing favors for silco or handling whatever dirty business he needed handled

it doesn't have to necessarily be romantic either, although, i don't think she'd be opposed to that either

it could really be just sitting together in the last drop while she's actually on "break" playing card games or just having a drink together, just being around you makes her day better

i can see physical touch being something she likes as well, although i don't really see her doing much of pda, only because she'd rather not have you possibly be endangered because she has her hands all over you

VIKTOR

giving:

i feel like viktor would give his partner a lot of praise, even on things considered "minuscule"

think about it, to him, an accomplishment IS an accomplishment, no matter how small it may seem

now, do i think he'd be massive about it? no. but i DO think he'd let you know whether through his words (or actions) that he does recognize every accomplishment

words of affirmation doesn't just have to do with accomplishments for him, i think he'd give subtle compliments as well

now, there are two ways i can see him going about this. one, he GENUINELY gives subtle compliments and doesn't entirely gauge your response in the moment. or..he does compliment you on purpose to see your reaction, only doing it subtly to dodge any accusations of doing it on purpose (he totally finds it hilarious)

viktor just screams observant to me, not JUST observant but he somehow notices every little detail in my mind

new haircut? he's the first to say something. new perfume or cologne? he mentions it as soon as you step into the room, you don't even have to BE next to him.

receiving:

i think viktor is a simple man receiving wise, but him loving acts of service and words of affirmation

side note, to any artists who draw viktor drinking coffee straight from the coffee pot, i LOVE you

no, but seriously, i could see him adoring when you bring him food or water/coffee whenever he's holed up in his lab

i think it brings him a sense of comfort knowing you'll care for him even when he's basically drowning in his work (and his own genius)

even if it's a bit strange to him in the beginning, he warms up to it once he realizes how much better he feels both mentally and physically once he actually eats/drinks whatever you bring him

i personally think that words of affirmation is what makes him fall for you especially, but just hear me out for a sec

no doubt viktor had to do a LOT to climb his way to his position, i think someone acknowledging his intelligence beyond the seemingly obligatory compliments would be more impactful to him

i think it would make him feel good no matter if you were someone who were an inventor like him or not, just the fact that you were putting in enough effort for him makes him happy

slightly off topic, i feel like he would love someone who can quip back at his sarcasm, especially if they try to equally match him or even exceed his energy

just making light jokes with him even for five minutes would somehow energize him for the rest of the day in my mind, no idea why

AMBESSA

giving:

ambessa is a proud woman, one who doesn't keep anyone who she doesn't want around her in her presence

i think ambessa would shower her lover in gifts, but not just any gifts, spoils of war.

as her lover, you'd certainly reflect the part outwardly, that was something she'd make sure of

i could see her giving you relatively anything you ask for, even if she had to fight to get it. (i.e.: garments, jewelry, etc.)

despite this though, ambessa does use gift giving as a means to satiate you in the beginning of your relationship, at least, until she fully trusts you

her gifts (sometimes) are a way for her to show her love during the long periods of time where she may not see you, and other times, well, it's a way she tries to express her emotions

she actually loves what quality time she can get with you, her favorite things to do are any type of spa treatments or just having you sit with her while she tells you stories of her countless battles

something i think she'd do is have your wrist in her hand, trailing your fingertips across her scars as she tells you the story of how she proudly earned them

i don't think she'd exaggerate much about her stories though, maybe in cases where she isn't proud of how it ended out/how she got the scars

occasionally possessive though, she loves it when people admire you by her side but HATES it when the admiring goes too far

receiving:

as for receiving, i think she'd like quality time and acts of service the most

ambessa doesn't seem like the person to keep anyone around who doesn't benefit her in some way, (we see where mel gets it from) so i could see the relationship sprouting from you doing any type of favors for her

regardless of whatever kind of favors they may be, i think i'd come to a point where she realizes she actually wants you around and not what you do for her

however, this doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate what you do for her while you are together, not at all

when she loves, she loves HARD, and this is especially for acts of service in particular

she'd appreciate every little thing you did, especially if you did it without her having to ask you to do it. in her mind, it means so much more when you do it on your own accord

i don't think it would really matter what you do, just the fact that you'd love her enough to do something to alleviate her when she's constantly on guard

physical touch, though, i feel like she'd love it in certain situations especially

ambessa was relatively untouchable in battle, and even then, not many people could say that she allowed them to touch her intimately besides casual hookups

i think she'd like non-sexual touches especially, in her mind, i could see her as considering them much more intimate than just a simple touch

i think she loves being held, especially after not seeing you for a while? it makes her feel like ambessa and not the wolf of noxus

[nathanbatemanfucker]

Fault Lines Ch. 5

request: wanted to know if you could write something where the reader is a ex-winter solider (just like bucky, but maybe she doesn't lose her arm) and how she struggles to accept Joaquin. An overall angst to fluff.

contents: mention of canon typical violence, scars, mental illness, yearning, A KISS?????, sort of get together fic

wc: 1,615

an: well guys this is how it ends…for now <3. thank you to everyone who has read but especially to those who comment/reblog/leave an ask, that supporter is so integral to writers and fandom community!

fault lines masterlist

Joaquin doesn’t realize who he’s tracking or where he’s heading until he steps inside and sees you.

The weight of the tracking beacon in his pocket suddenly feels heavier. So it had been you who’d taken it when you walked away. He hadn’t noticed at first, hadn’t thought about it until an alert popped up earlier that day, guiding him straight here.

You’ve been sitting here for what feels like hours, your leg bouncing in place. You weren’t completely sure that your plan would work— Joaquin could’ve brought back up or not shown at all. But, you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

About the way he looked at you.

The bar is small, all soft warm lights and covered in red velvet. It isn’t the kind of place he usually finds himself—not too crowded, not too empty. It’s the kind of place where people go to disappear. And you had for a little over six months.

Your absence had afflicted him in ways he’d never experienced before. He did his best to hide it but he knew that Sam and Bucky knew. His lack of sleep impacted his words— or rather lack there of. He’d never been this quiet in his life but all he could do is think.

Think, think, and think about you. Your hand had simply brushed his before you left but he could still feel you. When he did sleep you haunted his dreams, never truly gone but always out of reach.

Now here you are; he feels liable to burst with excitement but he doesn’t want to overwhelm you, not when he’s just got you back.

Has he gotten you back?

He spots you in a back corner booth, legs crossed, one hand curled around a glass of something dark. You don’t look surprised or afraid to see him. If anything, there’s the smallest flicker of what he believes to be satisfaction that crosses your face before you blink it away.

Joaquin exhales, shaking his head in disbelief as he crosses the room. “You wanted me to find you.”

You tilt your glass slightly, watching the liquid swirl. “Conozco que tu podrías.”

He slides into the seat across from you. He takes his time looking at you, his eyes somehow intense and soft all at once. There are subtle changes; your posture is looser, though there's still an edge of tension in your shoulders. The dark storm in your eyes hasn’t left, but it’s settled into something quieter.

“You look good,” he says. “Not constantly on the verge of stabbing someone. Improvement.”

You huff out something that isn’t quite a laugh, but it’s close enough to make his chest ache. You hadn’t been capable of that the last time he saw you.

“Don’t get your hopes up,” you murmur.

“Oh, never.” His grin is easy, warm. “Me gusta vivir con miedo constante.”

This time, you do laugh, just a little because it’s so ridiculously untrue. Because Joaquin has never been afraid of you. He’s only ever been afraid for you. The tension in your shoulders eases completely and Joaquin takes the win, feeling light.

You sit in silence for a moment, but it’s different now. It’s not heavy like before or something that pushes you apart. It’s comfortable. Sweet, like two children at a school dance who don’t know what to say.

Joaquin drums his fingers against the table. “So, you gonna tell me why you wanted me here, or are we playing the ‘pretend we ran into each other’ game?”

“Just wanted to see if you’d come.” After a beat you add, “To see if you still looked at me like that.”

His smile softens. “Like what?”

“Like you’re not afraid of me.”

You meets his gaze, and for the first time, there’s no guarded edge to it. No sharpness. Only the unspoken truth between you—that you didn’t just want him to find you. You needed him to.

For some reason he feels the need to verbalize it. To make what you’ve both understood from the moment your eyes met tangible. “I’ve never been afraid of you. I never will be.”

You nod, your mouth quirking into a reserved smile. Joaquin knows that for now, it’s the closest thing he’ll get to gratitude.

You take a swig of your drink, feeling a little— no a lot awkward. All the things you thought you’d be able to say to him die on your tongue. But this is what you wanted, to see him again. “So um…what have you done these last few months?”

“You’re…trying to make small talk with me?”

You shrug, brushing it off though you feel heat in your cheeks. “I’m trying.”

Joaquin leans forward, resting his arms on the table inches from yours. Close, but not too close. “I’m honored.”

“You should be,” you tease dryly.

“Not anything new, is what I’ve been doing. And uh— just…”

“Just?”

“Thinking about you, querida.”

“‘Me too, Joaquin,” you whisper.

A quietness settles into his belly. “I like that.”

“Like what?”

“You saying my name. It feels…”

“Right?” you offer, and Joaquin thinks he may see some shyness in your expression.

He smiles gently, giving you a nod of encouragement. “Yeah. Right. Are you…are you staying?”

The drive to this bar had only taken him a couple hours from the heart of D.C. He wouldn’t mind making it a few times a week if it meant being with you.

“For now. As long as there’s something to keep me around.”

For now. It’s more than he expected. More than he would’ve asked for. If he said the right things the right way, he could keep you around.

“Why did you leave if you knew you’d want me to find you?”

“I wasn’t ready; I think you know that.”

You could hardly even touch him when you left. In fact the thought of it made you feel dirty— why would a man like Joaquin, full of warmth and honor, want you? But you’ve done some thinking. Some amends making, even if he wouldn’t completely agree with how you did it.

You feel…cleaner.

“And you are now?”

But not washed of all your sins.

Your gaze falters away from his. “I don’t know but I— it got too difficult.”

He knows what you mean; being without the other, it was too much. Unnatural.

“What did you do then, to make it easier? Be able to come back?”

You stiffen. “I can’t tell you that, Joaquin.”

“You can tell me anything.”

“I believe you…here,” you rest a few fingers over your heart before moving them to your temple. “But here it’s ready to compute just yet.”

It’s then that he notices the scars on your hands. Some are long and thin, others of shorter length with more width. One of your sleeves is pushed up a little higher than other and he can see that a scar trails up your hand, your wrist, and further under the fabric of your shirt. He doesn’t know if you got them from yourself or others. He doesn’t know if you thought hurting yourself would make him accept you.

His eyebrows knit with concern. “Eventually?”

You follow his eyes to your wrist and pull down your sleeve. Even as you conceal things from him, you’re trying to open up. “I hope so. You know I don’t do that often.”

“But for me…” he trails off.

“Maybe I could,” you finish his sentence.

He watches your fingers—heart aching at the new scars there— as they trace the rim of you glass, slow and methodical. He could reach out, touch your hand, but he doesn’t want to overstep. Instead, he shifts, and his knee bumps against yours under the table.

You don't move away. Don’t flinch or jump— your knee presses into his. An invitation.

Something shifts, subtle but undeniable. Joaquin’s breath slows, the air between you charged with something unspoken. All this time the two of you have been leaning closer to each other, and you finally realize that this close you can easily trace every detail of his face. It means you can’t deny it when his gaze flickers to your mouth before he can stop himself.

That’s all it takes; you move first.

It’s barely a movement at all, just a slight tilt forward, a hesitation like you’re not sure you can do this. But, Joaquin doesn’t pull back, he doesn’t do anything except let it happen.

Eventually, finally, there is no space between you; your mouth is on his.

It’s slow—tentative, like neither of you is sure if you should be doing this, but neither of you wants to stop. Your mouth is so soft, nothing like the sharp words that have fallen off your tongue, nothing like the violence he’s seen you commit with your hands. Your fingers brush against his wrist, and he shudders at the delicate touch, at the way you bravely linger instead of pulling away.

When you finally do, it’s only just enough to look at him. Your eyes are the brightest he’s ever seen them, even as the rest of your face smooths back into its usual coolness.

Joaquin’s heart pounds, but he keeps his voice steady. “Was that—?”

“Don’t ruin it, baby bird,” you murmur.

He grins. “Noted.”

You sit back, your expression unreadable, but you don’t push him away. Don’t shut him out like you used to.

“You know I’ll always be here.”

It isn’t a question or anything you have to answer. It’s simply reassurance, something he needs you to know since you’re sticking around. He sees your shoulders relax again, and his grin melts into something endearing.

He means it. However long it takes.

if you’d like to be on the sfw joaquin torres taglist lmk!

sfw joaquin taglist: @magikdarkholme, @plan3t-plut0, @mewmew222, @linnygirl09, @ezhz444, @karmaswitch, @badbishsblog, @glader13, @how2besalty, @happypopcornprincess, @hiireadstuffsometimes, @lisiliely, @spider-steve, @nolita-fairytale, @hrlzy, @faretheeoscar, @giuliahowlett, @abriefnirvana, @fanboyswhore9 , @sidkneeeee, @sophreakingfunny, @heartbreakgirlism, @peachyxlynch, @lomlbuckybarnes, @a-randomscrub, @ajcs150, @glimodejun, @isuckatmath, @arsonhotchner, @sidkneeeee, @galaxywannabe, @retrosabers, @marchingicenotes7, @marroonwitch, @jaebugzz, @that-girl-named-alex, @bxtchboy69, @moonymeloncholymoney, @mischiefmanaged71, @something-random-idk, @dualinstinct, @alevanswrites, @articel1967, @lanoviadestiles, @zolassalgorhythm, @peacefangirl

[mgu-h]

a bookkeeper for the people, thank you for your services 🫡

aww im just glad other people are crazy about them too!! i also keep track of things i heard repeatedly from both max and lando, or representative phrases, in order to make their dialogue sound better. if anyone is interested in some nortrell vocabulary quirks (and additional nortrell research and analysis):

phrases they both use:

That’s mint

You muppet

Let’s go!!!!

Waffling

[Anything], mate

Cheers, bro

We’ve sussed it

You idiot

Fuck off

Knob, knobhead

Bloke, brev/bruv

~Very good very nice~

Scavs (Tarkov)

Fluked it (golf)

GGs, chat

lando specifically:

‘Cause

[something], baby

C’mon Maxy boy

Oh my godt

Mega

It smells to / tastes to

Frickin’, freaking (less so now, he says fuck these days, but in the past he tended to avoid it)

[Indeterminate happy Lando noises]

[Annoying tapping or leg bouncing]

Nugget

Numpty

Joker

That's naughty

Why? (demanding)

Moron

Twat

[Criticizes himself sarcastically in the 3rd person]

max specifically:

Horrendous

Look at the state of you

Fucking hell, mate

For fuck’s sake

Jesus Christ

[repeats himself until Lando acknowledges what he said]

Shut the fuck up, I’m done

That is good, I'll give you that

Normal, normally

Don’t pull that face, none of that

Pal, buddy

Brilliant

No chance

We’ll fall out

That’s crap

What is wrong with you

All right!

It’s doing my fucking head in  

An absolute fucking shocker 

Are you mental

Fair play

Good lad

Honestly

other references (longer quotes, an argument transcript, relative bio of teen years, lando analysis):

Lando, mouth full, trying to communicate through just noises “mmm… mhhph mmmf” Max replies “I normally understand those to a degree, but that was another level” 

Max loses his patience “Stop, like why are you tapping so loud. You know what you’re really good at? Finding a fucking annoying noise to make, and then just constantly doing it.”

Lando said, “I don’t have it, Max.” Max replied, “The fact that you said my name there means you’re trying to lie or something, that’s weird, you don’t normally say that”

Lando said, “One of the things I hate the most is being bad at something.” 

[If you in any way question Max’s fashion or make a comment about his hair he will spiral and say] “Wha’ d’you mean?”

After Max ends the unhinged “golden cock” Sergei/Alexander banter, Lando tries to get back to the game, his voice returned to normal, and Max is incredulous. “Don’t just come in here like "what’s next?" all normal, like nothing happened.”

Max told Lando he would be “back in 27 seconds” because "i needed him to know i'd thought about exactly how long i would be gone before i left, instead of saying 30 seconds, which could mean anything,"

Max saw Lando before he knew him, he doesn’t remember why he was at the karting track, Lando was driving around in a little kart, he was “just tiny, mate,“ nine years old. Max even remembers the black and orange helmet Lando’d been wearing, and he just watched him for a few laps. (“You were just watching?” / “Yeah someone said, that kid won, or something.” / “I never won a race in cadets” / “They must have just said you were fast”) bankai asked: “have you been following bob around since he was nine” and max says “original fanboy”

Max talking about watching an unboxed with Lando, “I like watching them, but it is weird seeing you in them.” “Why?” “I dunno… just, I don’t know. Just don’t see you as that ‘F1 Driver,’ it’s weird. It’s just different for me.”—[Lando laughs]—“They are cool.”

Max taking too long to come back to the game, Lando sounded mad. “Stop fucking kissing her, Max, and hurry the fuck up.”

Monaco argument >> In a Dec 2021 stream, (chat called Max Lando's dog and his wag, he refuted both claims), they had an argument about max moving to monaco, lando insisting he's protecting max from being lonely and max telling him HE'LL get lonely. max claiming being alone in monaco wouldn't even bother him if he's streaming and offering to take care of the house. lando denying him, saying he's taking care of max and max's slightly sullen "thanks mate" and his Jokes like "chat, he doesn't want me there. he's ditched me. it's over. relationship's over. it's done." like the energy of the entire conversation is that they've had it many times before and max is not easy and compliant with lando leaving him behind, but lando is not listening because he's sure he knows better

Lando yelling at Max to kill a scav, Max did, but not fast enough, Lando was muttering under his breath and Max paused to take out an earbud, "Are you giving me attitude?" and then when Lando continued to bitch, mimed throwing the water from Lando's waterbottle on him

Lando ranting on iRacing in Sept 2024 that "people in racing think you never have to back out, no matter what, like that's somehow become a rule" (in iracing? he was asked) "no, in real life as well. Somehow it's become a Thing that you never have to back out, you're somehow always in the right."

Max saying "I don't want to be alone again" about getting into a different heat on iRacing and Lando singing back "story of my life..."

Lando will say things like "Look at my perfection, look at how well I do or did, I was unstoppable," other bragging just to piss Max off

Yes / No / Yes / No arguments (they just say the same statements with different and more pointed inflection each time as if to make the other person accept by force of will without any actual convincing or argument, just emphasis, as if the one who is more certain will win and the more unsure one will yield the point and pivot to a new one or end the argument. one of them always yields and pivots after a few back-and-forths)

Lando says Max is "struggling be cause he's not been kissed in the last five minutes" and that in his group chat "I record every time they kiss in public" (Max protests that he just makes the number up, like the time he said they'd kissed 44 times before 10am and Lando said "I swear it's true") and that he "can't describe how awkward it is going around with Max because he's freaking kissing" and like Lando will be driving the car in the front and all he can hear is wet kissing sounds from behind him.

Lando said about Max kissing "He just goes in so fast, you know like all the nerds you see on the movies where they kind of shut their eyes and like" he mimicked both Max sticking out his tongue and making exaggerated Mwah sounds

Max said Lando often struggles at golf but "every two months or so he'll have a blinder, and then he'll be in absolute turmoil again"

the whole recurring bit with them sharing a wardrobe, the Quadrant video with the "whose shoes are those?" "whose joggers are those? "whose hoodie is that?" bit, something the fact that it kept going even after they moved apart like in singapore 2022 lando claims max is wearing his pants, shoes, and top, and max denies it

Lando listens to the voice notes he gets in DMs and goes through them, sometimes with his mates, to laugh. He says sometimes they're very weird, that "Some people are up to no good in their lives and need to focus on.... other things... but they are funny, they are just weird. The voice notes always make me laugh."

Lando interview with Tom Daley->"I am a competitive guy and I hate losing. So you put that all together and I love being in control. I hate being out of control, so like I hate being a passenger in a car. I really hate it unless I'm like backseat you know headphones on watching a movie. I'm a terrible terrible passenger cuz I don't feel in control of of what's happening."

Max in July 2021 checking to make sure Lando wasn't watching his stream before saying "I gotta give my hats off to Lando for helping me, obviously with streaming, Quadrant, giving me a bit of purpose this year, you know, something to do and enjoy doing while I'm not racing, keep my mind off things, so yeah thanks to him... he's looked after me. I appreciate that."

Random Facts

By April 2023, Max had never seen Star Wars. By April 2025, Max had never seen any of the Harry Potter moves. He's seen a couple of Lord of the Rings though

Lando wears size 9 shoes or 8.5, he said his feet were a tiny bit bigger than Max's, but who knows if he's telling the truth about that as they can share shoes

When asked what animal he would reincarnate as, Lando said hippopotamus and Max said sea urchin (so he can he in the ocean and stab people when they step on you) or plankton 

Lando always tries to get off the plane fast, impatient, walking quickly, doesn’t like getting stuck behind people

Lando said Mcdonalds chicken nuggets may be the best things ever made

Lando used to play around with a lighter

Max drinks tea quite strong

There were periods when Lando was younger where he’d play games for 36 hours straight

Max's eyes are green, Lando's are blue gray (when he built his VR character he gave it blue eyes) but have some golden brown threads in the middle that I think can make them seem greenish in some lights

Lando likes to travel with a book to look smart but he never reads it just carries it around or puts it on the table.

Lando snores loudly and people have complained about it

Max likes cats despite being allergic, Lando likes dogs more

Lando's brother's dog is named Uno. Max had a cats named Lala growing up. His family has a cat named Bobby (not after Lando, allegedly).

Lando likes to wear hoodies because they make his long neck less noticeable

Lando travels heavy with every possible bag, shoe bag, rucksack, all his computer stuff (“Im such a nerd”). He's got a tablet for movies and some games, work emails but he rarely checks those 

Lando smells like Sure deodorant, and a mix of Louis Vuitton L'Immensite, Tom Ford Ombré Leather, and Dior Sauvage. He likes the smell of all of them so he puts them all on.

Lando works harder on strengthening his neck compared to some other drivers, as others can rest their head against the side while turning to deal with the G-forces, but if Lando tries that and gets his eyes off-level, he can't drive. His brain doesn't like it.

Lando will nap and his neck will be at a 90 degree angle

Max's birthday is July 29 and Lando's is November 13, both 1999

Here's the link to the bios of people who show up in Max's chat

When Lando was around 13-14yo he would spend days on designs for stickers for people's phones or visors, and would go around the paddock in karting trying to sell them to earn a little money.

Lando's favorite gifts are really big paintings people have done that he can put on his walls

When asked what kind of dad he wanted to be, he said "strict" in terms of manners and having good respectful values

In 2024 Max could check Lando's sleep stats because they're in a group with their whoop bands

Max is fine with chopsticks for everything but rice

On stream Max said that when he was at peak fitness as a driver, when he was so strong and also so light, at max he did a plank for up to 6min

Relative Biographies

So Lando’s dad’s British and his mom is from Belgium, not that it matters but I think he was raised somewhere in the country near Glastonbury in Somerset. He has an older brother and two younger sisters. Max’s parents are also from the UK but he spent his youngest years in Singapore and Malaysia, his dad’s in finance. He has a younger brother.

Max started karting in Asia, and started winning everything there, just like crazy talented and obsessed with racing. His parents decided to move back to the UK largely to let him get on the European karting track (the only one that really matters to get to the highest tiers of motorsport). He moved back to the UK when he was like 9 or 10 to kart.  I think I saw that he was homeschooled, so basically all in on karting.

While Max and Lando started karting together in 2010 with Ricky Flynn Motorsport, Max said he remembers seeing Lando practicing before they met, so back in 2009 soon after moving to the UK. They spent a lot of those formative years of 10-13 together, traveling all over for races and competing against each other. Lando became the youngest karting world champion in 2013, and Max was not, but he was competitive and they were on the podium together at that time.

Lando moved up to car racing in 2014, but Max did not. It took until 2015 for him. Lando was younger than him, but already ahead. It’s hard to overstate just how fast Lando shot up through the lower ranks to the very highest tier of motorsport by the time he was 18, with McLaren putting him on teams with Fernando Alonso and things. He won everything he tried on the first attempt and moved up. Max’s career was respectable, but it wasn’t like that. 

In 2015 Max started racing single-seaters, and Lando won British F4, and started going abroad and started winning there too, in Italy, in New Zealand. Max wasn’t there yet. In 2016 Max did British F4 with Carlin, a good team, winning the championship at the final race at Brands Hatch. Lando won Formula Renault, among other things. He won a couple awards at Motorsport Awards.

In 2017 Max’s first year of Formula Renault was mixed, winning the rookies’ title but was not super high in the championship, meanwhile Lando won F3.

The next year Max switched to a more successful team and did win the Eurocup in 2018, and got into the Renault driver academy. Lando got second in F2, despite leading most of the season, because of some unfortunate DNFs later in the season, George won. He was also on reserve for McLaren and drove in a F1 practice session.

In 2019 Max drove in F3, got a couple of podium finishes, but got 10th overall. 2019 of course was Lando’s first season in F1 and the birth of the Carlando juggernaut, he was a very successful rookie and rising star. He was streaming on Twitch more regularly, and got Max to set up his own Twitch channel in September 2019, to as few as like 15 viewers, playing games and hanging out with chat and Lando’s building a platform there too,

In 2020 Max raced in F3 again, but he dropped out before the end of the season, and has said that he struggled with depression. He moved back in with his parents. Lando got first F1 podium and had a great year, got huge on twitch, and he founded quadrant, became CEO of his little brand media company thing. I think he was living alone in his house in Woking. 

2021 Lando’s career continues to do well, podiums and things. He almost wins at Sochi but misjudged the wet tires and slid in a really heartbreaking final laps thing. I don’t know what Max was up to early in the year, I suspect kind of aimless playing golf and streaming on Twitch and figuring things out, but by the middle of the year, Lando announced him as part of quadrant and had Max move in with him. 

They streamed together and were stupid domestic, sharing clothes sometimes. I think they were both single at the beginning but had girlfriends by the end of their time together. Living together ended at the end of the year before Lando moved to Monaco and refused to bring Max along because he didn’t want to be lonely even though Max obviously really wanted to come and even offered to like take care of the house etc. Just a wild convo they had on stream in Dec 2021. 

Lando Analysis

SO on one hand, lando's a simple guy in his mid-twenties with ordinary human needs, like he needs to eat, sleep, be active, play games, socialize, race, etc. he travels and stays fit, drives the car, parties and rests. most of the time he's not in distress. he enjoys life and gets to do lots of cool things. on the other hand, he’s a seething mess of ego and insecurities with complex emotional needs.

his ego is pretty big, like despite being humble about it, he knows he’s one of the best in the world at an incredibly strenuous and glamorous activity. he has the confidence it requires to get behind the wheel of an F1 car and risk all that danger to defeat legendary champions. he didn't win for a long time, but he bought into the mclaren project and stuck it out there for long enough to win.

he also has the confidence (and money) to start a company, the insight and experience about the internet to build a brand, all his years online taught him a great deal, and he has a large team of smart people around him helping him succeed. he's very young, but has quite a lot of power and authority and attention.

his ego is a bit brittle though, naturally, and there are ways in which he is vulnerable to spiraling. there are lots of reasons for that. he feels inferiority and anxiety about making people happy, and he turns inward and is intensely self-critical.

he definitely used to be small, with a big, cool older brother, in the middle with younger sisters. he has very loving and supportive parents who helped him do what he wanted to do, giving him a bedrock belief that he’s loved and special. while he gained some close friends through karting, but he was kind of a loner as a teen, a gamer, introverted and a little bit weird, until he got older and more social, getting with girls etc.

i think he's said he’s dyslexic, not interested in school, but not at all stupid, which must've been frustrating. he hates being bad at things and will try very hard to avoid it. he wants people to be happy, to please them and be accepted by them. i think he probably learned to be annoying to beg for attention, but he doesn’t want too much attention now he’s famous, or he only wants attention from a small number of people he holds close.

he just didn’t win while for a long time when he was very small, and that was formative. he didn’t really believe he could, but he did the work without having the expectation of success, because he enjoyed it yes but also i suspect as if openly wanting it would make it disappear, almost walking backward into success. even now he doesn't think of the end result, but just about what he has to do next and tries to make that as good as possible.

[analysis of lando's size kink here]

Example Argument Transcript (from here):

Max reads chat question, “Who’s better at golf?”

Lando brags. “I absolutely dominated today on the golf course.”

“But, would you say, like—”

Lando talks over him. “And, as they say in life, you’re only good, as good, as your last game.” 

Max rolls his eyes and Lando shrugs like the point he made was obvious and he won.

“You done?” Max asks.

“I mean, I have no more… that was like a mic drop moment, mate. That’s like my mic just dropped. There’s nothing else to say.”

There's a long pause. Lando grins like he knows he’s being annoying. 

Max can't let it lie. “But you said I am actually better than you.” 

“Yeah, well you were. Until today.” 

Max smiles with his mouth not his eyes. Lando grins too. 

“I love how you’re actually going to commit to saying ‘Yeah, you are,’ and then you realize—”

“I AM better.” 

“You’re not!” Max slaps his waterbottle against his hand for emphasis. 

“Today, I was better, mate.”

“Today, yes.” 

“If today was the world championship, I won.”

“No, but overall, I win more.”

“Well it doesn’t matter though, ‘cause you’re only as good as your last game.” 

“Yeah, ok, you’re going to be that—”

“I’ve made improvements!”

“Are you going to be that stubborn?”

“I’ve made improvements… I’ve just overtaken you in the game of golf.” 

A pause, but Max just can't let that go. “Well I won yesterday.” 

“That’s yesterday. No one cares about yesterday.”

“We didn’t play yesterday, the day before.” 

“No one cares about that.”

“Yeah, but I, like, if we play ten games, I’ll win seven.” 

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No?”

“Yes!”

“Not with how well I’ve been playing la-today.”

“No.”

“Exactly.”

“No—”

“No, you won’t win.” 

“—I’ll win seven.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Yeah, I will!”

“No, you won’t.”

“I will!”

“No, you sliced every single one of your drivers.” 

Max turns his body to face him, looking at him directly. “No, I didn’t.” 

Lando seems gleeful to have gotten the reaction, crowing, “Yes, you did.” And laughing as he said “not one driver! I think you wouldn’t’ve ended up on a fairway!” 

“Yeah I did!”

“When?” 

Max turns back forward with arms crossed, thinking. “On the…”

“Ok, let’s go, let’s do this, chat. First one? No. Second one? No. Third one? Water. Fourth one?”

Max interrupts his rhythm. “Where were you on the third one?”

Lando ignores him. “Where’d your fourth one go?” 

Max repeats himself. “Where were you on the third one?”

Lando concedes. “I also went into the water.”

“There you go, yeah.”

“Once!”

Max affects a deeply sarcastic accent “Acting like Tiger Woods out here.”

“Once! What about all the rest of my drives? That wasn’t even a driver!” 

“No—”

“That wasn’t even a drive, all good.” 

“You were good, you were good with the drive today, I’ll give you that, but you’re not like that normally.”

“That’s what I said. I’ve improved.” 

“Yeah no, you were shocked.” 

“But I have! Improved!”

“Better, but you don’t, you won’t, if we play again tomorrow, you won’t do that.”

“Yes, I will.” 

“No, you won’t.” 

“Yes!”

“No chance.” 

“Yes, mate.”

“I’m going to video your first drive tomorrow. Guarantee it’s right.” 

“No.”

“Yes.”

“I’ll try to hook it so badly—”

Max talks over him saying something else. “It’s not going to be straight. It’s not going to do that.” Max mimes a ball flying straight ahead.

“It will.”

“No chance.” 

“It will!”

“You were even like… oh my god, woah.” 

“Yeah, ‘cause I unlocked something.” 

Intense eye contact. Max smiles, almost predatory. “Yeah? What was that? What’ve you done? Do you remember?”

“Yes, I do!”

“What was it?”

“I’m not going to tell you, ‘cause I don’t want you to get better!”

Max sits up incredulously. “It’s not going to work for my swing. It’s totally different!”

“Well it is!”

“How?”

Lando throws his arm up miming a ball curving in the air. “‘Cause you’re slicing as well!” 

Max sits back and crosses his arms, looking away. 

“This is Max’s shot shape.” Lando mimes a ball shooting forward and curving in front of Max’s face, almost touching him, twice, laughing between and making a loud, adolescent rocket sound, generally being extremely annoying.

“If you do that again, I’m going to draw my hand left across your fuckin face.” 

“You can just do this.” Lando mimes a smacking motion on himself.

“Bosh.” Max pretends to hit him. 

Lando makes a few more rocket sounds.

Max is unable to let it lie. “Normally, you’re not that good.” 

“Yeah, but…”

“Today you were!”

“People improve, Max! People improve! And today, I was unstoppable.” Lando pulls out his cell phone around now, keeping it hidden, and turns on the keyboard clicking sound to prepare to annoy Max a different way.

Max rolls his eyes and repeats the word unstoppable with utmost derision. “Unstoppable… fucking hell, it’s like you’re acting like you hit nine under.” 

“I was unstoppable,” Lando insists. 

“Beat me by like four shots and I played horrendous. Four shots only!”

Lando begins typing and looks up at Max to watch his face, waiting to see him get irritated.

Max glowers straight ahead. “Is that loud enough?”

It does not stop. Max turns to face him again and glares and Lando gives him an impish smile. 

Max says “Stop!” repressively. He reaches for the phone and Lando pulls it back, smiling widely and in an indescribable tone of voice, all the lower registers gone, sounding like he did when he was younger. “I wasn’t even typing anything for the whole thing I was just trying to annoy you.”

They look at each other. Lando said something coy and inaudible.

Max smacks him. “Don’t. Don’t do that!”

Lando cackles.

[puck-heaven-now]

From nhl.com:

The Dallas Stars were minutes from elimination Saturday when [Mikko Rantanen] exploded for three goals and an assist, leading his new team to a 4-2 win in Game 7 of the Western Conference First Round against the team that had traded him, the Colorado Avalanche.

The forward became the first player to record a hat trick in the third period of a Game 7 in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

“Obviously, things happened not the way I expected to happen [with Colorado], but it’s business, like I’ve said many times,” Rantanen said. “I don’t know. Revenge? I’m just happy to win [against] another team in the playoffs. It doesn’t matter who it is. So, I’m just happy to be on the winning side and move on here.”

...

The Avalanche had to watch as crew members picked up all the hats the fans tossed onto the ice.

“It’s pretty shocking,” Avalanche center Nathan MacKinnon said. “I felt like we were in total control, and Mikko, credit to him, he made some amazing plays. He was the difference-maker. He took over. Yeah, I don’t know. I’m in shock, to be honest.”

...

Let’s be honest,” Stars coach Pete DeBoer said. “He took over the series the last three, four games. He just decided that we were not going to go home and we were not going to lose. I think it started then. But I mean, what you witnessed there was special. …

“This was Colorado and the team he had played for for a decade, and I don’t know all the behind the scenes, what went on there. But he was a motivated guy to make an impact in this series, and he just got better and better.”

There is no doubt Rantanen is one of the best playoff producers in NHL history. He entered this season averaging 1.25 points per game in the playoffs, tied with Mark Messier for sixth among players who had played at least 74 games. But people asked if that was because he had played with MacKinnon and Avalanche defenseman Cale Makar.

“I think he answered that question,” DeBoer said. “I’ve had a lot of playoff runs, and I know I haven’t had a player string together the three games he strung together -- 5, 6 and 7 -- how dominant he’s been shift to shift.”

The handshake line was emotional. Rantanen had gone through so much with so many of the guys on the other side, including winning the Stanley Cup in 2022. He called them his “brothers.” Present tense.

“I always love them off the ice,” Rantanen said. “It doesn’t matter if it was between games, the day off. I love every one of them. And then when we go on the ice, they’re enemies. That’s how it goes.

“Yeah, it’s emotional, for sure, because everything happened so quick. It’s only a couple months since I was still with them, playing with them and chasing a playoff spot and stuff, and now I’m, all of a sudden, a couple months later, playing against them in a Game 7, so emotional is the right word for sure.”

Surreal is another word. Rantanen was asked how he would have reacted had someone told him in training camp he’d have a hat trick for Dallas to defeat Colorado in a Game 7.

“I think I would have left the room in disbelief,” he said. “Yeah, for sure, would have not believed it if somebody told me that. Yeah, difficult year personally. Mentally tough overall, getting traded twice. It’s not fun ever to get traded even once, but twice in the season [is even harder].”

Rantanen thanked everyone in Dallas for welcoming him and helping him adapt.

“You can’t write it up any better than that -- guy comes over and knocks out his old team, puts the team on his back,” Stars goalie Jake Oettinger said. “One of the best individual performances I’ve seen in playoffs in my life, so just so happy for him.

“And it’s just the start.”

[full article]

[devil-in-hiding]

I can't stop thinking about one of the boys slipping himself inside the reader while everyone was sitting somewhere together and just fucking them while the others watch with molten eyes.

It could be a boiled frog situation where the farmer was just sitting beside them, then on top of them, then some harmless grinding, before their panties (if they were wearing any) get invaded by large fingers. That's all very on the edge of what she thinks the others might notice until his cock is slipped out and she is more forcefully grinded on it before being gently lifted and stuffed with it.

Him starting her up again as she vaguely hopes no one noticed when the chosen guy starts to casually talk with both her and the others like nothing happened. (Cue very laden "casual" conversation that makes her cunt squeeze.) Just as she starts to relax around him and think no one saw, he begins to lift and fuck her onto him as if she weighs nothing infront of everyone.

Now she knows the cover is blown but can't seem to remember how she even got in the situation to begin with as the sensations are too much. Being stared at by beings who are starting to look more hungry wolf than man as the guy switches pace and begins to fuck her in earnest. A grin on his lips knowing he "won" and got to fuck her first. (Should he get punished by the others later is a different story.)

I kept it fluid since I could see any of them accomplishing this.

Price: The leader, a strategist who plays the long game for maximum quality results.

Soap: Pretty boy who dosent always come off as the threat he is behind puppy eyes.

Gaz: Master at getting people to spill secrets and bend themselves to suit his needs.

Ghost: Physical intimidation matched only by rigid self discipline, a mental and physical force.

Each are not to be taken lightly in their own rights. I could see them being able to accomplish any goal they set their mind to.. If only they diddnt have a weakness for soft, sweet things.

(Hey, I'm really sorry if this got away from me or is bad. I got so inspired reading all your farmer mc stuff and absolutely loved all of it! I'm really excited to read what you write next. (Also if you don't want these kind of asks but just some praise and feedback I promise not to do it again.) I havent sent someone an ask like this so I'm a little nervous lol.)

i have no words for this jesus christ

this is gonna be in my head for the rest of the day

god i don’t know i can see Soap being an absolute dog Fheirjjejejrjdj thank you thank you thank you for this delicious ask

[outsideratheart]

It started as a lie (Leah Williamson x F1!Reader) - SNIPPET

A/N: Sorry, Sorry, Sorry. I know it’s later than I said but here’s the a snippet of my upcoming Leah fic.

It wasn’t often that you found yourself in London if not for work but tonight was different. You had been invited to The Emirates as a guest of the club to watch Arsenal play Manchester United. It wasn’t something that was at the top of the list especially when you were preparing for the final races of the season. Still, here you were cheering on the Arsenal.

After the game finished your manager tells you that there’s someone that wants to meet you before escorting you into a conference room.

There at the longer than normal table sits Leah Williamson who you found out minutes before the game had suffered a shoulder injury which would sideline her for the rest of the year.

“Y/N, I believe you know Leah Williamson” your manager turns your attention to the blonde.

“We’ve met briefly at Silverstone this year. She was in Aston’s garage” you said a bit sourly.

“I was a guest" she says which earns a nod of the head from you.

The two of you sit in silence as your managers seemingly discuss something mentally. You can see them looking at each other then their eyes go to you and Leah.

Subtly you steal a glance at the woman beside you and it takes everything in you not to stare. Leah was at the forefront of women's football and it seemed that her face was all over your socials not that you were complaining. Leah on the otherhand felt very nervous in your presence. The energy that radiated from you was unlike anything she had felt before. 

"You are two of the most popular and influencial women in sport right now" Leah's manager tells you.

"Multiple brands want to work with you but all of the big ones say the same thing" your manager looks at you when she says this because she knows you know what is about to say.

"They cannot invest or have someone be the face of their brand if they do not know who that person is" you finish her sentance with an evident annoyance in your tone.

You push your chair back and begin pacing the room. This is not new information but you still cannot figure our why you are once again being told this only tonight it's at The Emirates.

"Y/N" Leah has a gentle look on her face "come sit down and they can tell us why we're here" 

"Sorry Leah, I don't like-"

"Not knowing? Me too"

The two of you find a small level of comfort know that the other also has no idea why they were here nor did they like not knowing.

Your managers a share a look thats says 'this is a good sign'.

"As I was saying before you interupted" you mumble an apology which earns a chuckle from Leah "Brands what to know the people who are representing them and you two are very secretive with your personal lives"

This didn't come without reason. You and leah were under a huge spotlight and it lead people to believe that had a right to know everything about you. This is something both of you disagreed with. If it is related to the track or the pitchen then yes they can know but everything else is off topic.

"You are also two of the most marketable athletes in the world right now. We wouldn't be doing a good job as your managers if we didn't want to act on this" Leah's manager, who's name you still don't know, says.

You didn't know this woman but you didn't like what she was saying. If Leah's sharp intake of breathe is anything to go by then she wasn't happy about it either.

"I have a feeling neither of us are going are going to like what you're going to say next so why don't you get to the point" this had already pissed you off and you didn't even know what this was.

"I'm with Y/N. You are both dancing around which means you know we won't like it"

The managers once again remained silent which was a mistake on their point. The longer they leave you and Leah waiting they know the worse the reaction will be.

"We think you would both benefit if you were to be seen more together in public"

You didn't understand what the blonde's manager was getting at. 

"Is this your way of asking for garage passses? Being in Mercedes' garage would be much more fun that Aston's" you laughed. If this is all they wanted they could have asked. This meeting really wasn't neccessery.

"Leah will be in the garage much more often but not as your guest, as your girlfriend"

"What the fuck?" Leah was shocked at what she was hearing and she wasn't the only one.

"Leah's right. What the fuck. She isn't my girlfriend, tonight is the first time we have met"

The two of you were beyond confused and growing more agitated.

"We have been talking about this for a while now and the two of you will start a relationship or you will as far as the public is aware. The fans will eat this up and sponsors will love the two of you together"

"Don't get me wrong, Leah you are beautiful but my focus is on my career. I am near the end of the season and am battling Lewis for the championship"

"Thank you" Leah wanted to blush at the compliment but there were bigger things to adress "You know I'm focusing on this season and the Euros are next summer"

Your manager's knew that you two would fight the decision and that is why they aren't asking for your permission. 

"We both know you are focused on your career but that is why this makes sense. You are both very similar. Please try this"

"What happens?" You ask. You weren't happy with this but you always made sure to find out all the information before making a decision.

"Do we go on a date, see if this is a good match and go from there?" Leah also wanted to know the logistics of this stunt.

"Not exactly. The contract would be for just over one year" Leah's manager explains.

"The two of you will be, as far as the public knows, exclusive until the end of next year's Formula 1 season"

There were too many things in the two sentences that didn't sit well with you. Contract and one year were the two big ones.

"I'm am focusing on winning the championship and you don't think I can do that without being in a relationship?" you looked your manager dead in the eye as this question was aimed directly at her.

"and as for you, sorry I never got your name" you turned your attention to Leah's manager "Leah is going to captain England next year and you think now is the best time to start a relationship, a fake relationship?"

The woman beside you liked that you were thinking of her and truth be told you were much better at voicing your opion that she was. Leah was at a complete loss for words.

"We suggest you tell a couple of friends, ones that you trust, so that they can help sell the relationship. The strategy is to do this on social media"

Strategy. Clearly the two of them have thought long and hard about this arrangement,

"I won't tell my parents. They would expect better of me and I cannot lie to them" Leah explains.

"but if you—"

"You heard Leah, no parents. You have brought this to us and make it clear that is isn’t a choice. What is a choice is who we lie to because that is what you are asking us to do. Also, no contract”

All of you agree the terms and what the next year will look like. Leah will come to as many races as she can, including the next two seen as though she cannot play and the physio’s instructions right now are no physical activity. You will try to make it to as many Arsenal or England games which will be little due to the race schedules. 

Tonight has been a lot for both you and Leah so when the evening comes to a close you are both glad to be going home. 

“Leah, maybe Y/N could take you home tonight?” Her manager suggested.

“So that’s why you were insistent on picking me up. For the record I don’t like being tricked” Leah was clearly just as mad with her manager as you were yours.

“We have just met, don’t you think this is a bit much?” You understand that in the future this might be regular occurrence but right now it all seemed like a lot.

The two of you are met with silence once again so the two of you just nod. An awkward silence fills the halls of the emirates as you walk to the small and exclusive car park within the stadium. Truth is neither of you knew what to say to the other. You were strangers but somehow you were suppose to be a couple when out in public. 

“I’m sorry you have to do this” Those are the words that you say.

“Don’t be. I get why this is happening and whilst I wish it wasn’t, there are worse people to be fake in a relationship with”

“Wow, that’s quite the compliment. Thank you so very much”

Leah playfully shoved you.

“What I’m saying is that I think we could get along well. As for the faking it, well I’m sure we have both wore a mask in front of the public before. This is like that only different”

What she said wasn’t a lie but this felt so much more than having a smile on your face when you are anything but happy on the inside. 

The two of you exit the stadium and can see fans standing by the doors. you weren’t in the best mood so the last thing you want to do is stop but Leah grabs you hand. Something you don’t expect so you pull away.

“Physical touch is not your thing, look at us getting to know each other. It would be good if the fans got photos of us leaving together, don’t you think?” She said quietly as not to be overheard.

You shake off the comment about physical touch and reply to the second part of her sentence.

“Ok, let’s go over” 

Given that you were at The Emirates with one of the faces of the team you choose to give Leah space as she spoke to the fans. For a brief moment you watched her as she gave the fans her full attention. You knew this before but she really was one of her good ones, one that was way too good for you.

“Yes, that’s her. She’s a little bit shy” This got your attention and caused you to blush ever so slightly  “Y/N, come here. This girl, Sophie, is a big fans of yours” 

You never were the best with fans. Surely you gave them your time, took as many photos as they wanted and signed whatever they put in your hands but the social aspect of it is something you struggled. Leah on the other hand took to it with ease. You knew that people picked up on your shyness but they often saw it as you being rude. Maybe your manager hoped Leah could bring you out of your shell a bit and make you more approachable. This thought caused you to shake your head because it was already working.

The two of you talked to the fans for a couple of minutes before walking towards your car, a Mercedes-Benz SL Pagoda. You didn’t have many cars in London but this is one of the very first you bought when you joined the team 5 years ago.

“Any chance I can drive?” Leah ask even though she knew the answer.

“No, no you cannot. Let’s me see how you drive your car before I let you drive one of mine”

“One of? Just how many cars to do have?” 

“In London or in total?”

That gave Leah all the information she needed to know. 

The two of you found yourself in silence only this one wad slightly more comfortable than the other. you gave Leah the AUX lead as you got in the car. She spent the entire drive on her phone whilst you focused on the road. When you pulled up to her house you didn’t know what to do. Do you do the chivalrous thing and open her door or is that too much? By the time you finished overthinking that act wasn’t an option as Leah had already gotten out.

Before she closed the door she leaned back down.

“I know this isn’t what neither of us want but we can do a year. FYI I am going to tell Georgia Stanway, Keira Walsh and Lia Walti”

Leah was much more prepared than you. Perhaps that is what she was doing on her phone.

“Ermmm… I haven’t really thought about it but I’ll probably tell Lewis and Charles, maybe Lando if I decide I can trust him with this”

The blonde nodded.

“I guess I’ll see you at the weekend” 

“You will. I’ll be the one driving the really fast car” Why you said that, you have no idea. Was it your way of sounding confident or funny? If Leah’s chuckle is anything to go by then it was the latter.

[the--queen-of--hell]

"Proshippers who romanticize [X ship] are trying to justify why they wanna fuck little kids"

Ah, shit. Here we go again. It's actually impossible for you antishippers to think what you want to say before saying it, right?

Like I said a lot of times... PROSHIPPERS DOESN'T FUCKING MEAN PEDOPHILES. It's a false equivalence so FUCKING STOP using that UNREASONABLE argument.

If you are so ignorant that you believe writing about two characters having sex means YOU want to fuck a minor then I don't know why the fuck you're on the Internet. If you don't know the difference between reality and fiction -and between liking something just in fiction and ACTUALLY doing that irl- then YOU have the problem, not us.

How writing about some ships turns you into a pedophile/makes you wanna fuck kids? Does romanticize violence make you want to hit everyone around you? No. Does romanticize killing make you want to kill everyone around you? No. Does romanticize cannibalism make you want to be a cannibal? No. Does romanticize some ships make you attracted to kids? FUCKING NO.

Not every fanfic/fanart is about sex you know? There are probably asexual proshippers, or proshippers who go like "sex, ugh" everytime they read a fic of their favorite ship with sex. Or you didn't realize that in AO3 there are different ship categories? Because there is General, Teen And Up Audiences, Mature AND Explicit. Not all fics are Explicit or with sex, fucking realize that already.

"B-but the Slenderman case proved that fiction affects reality" "B-but I saw IT and I got scared of clowns so fiction affects reality". Okey, so if someone starts killing real people after playing GTA, then GTA should also be banned, right? Because one person was affected by that game and that fictional game affected reality (by your logic, not mine).

Now let me make it clear: Fiction can affect reality ONLY if you let it. A NORMAL, MORALLY AND MENTALLY HEALTHY person will NEVER commit a crime irl if they know that crime is bad irl, NO MATTER if the writer romanticizes it or not in fiction.

"B-but writing about [X] makes you normalize [X]" "B-but reading about [X] makes you tolerate [X] or not be upset by [X] irl"

I say it again: You-are-responsible-of-that. Yes, you read it well. YOU are the one who decides if you want to normalize those things irl, if you don't want to be affected by it. Because no matter how many Tomarry fics I read (or fics about other problematic ships), everytime I watch a case of a child raped by an adult in the TV news, I got disgusted and I want those fucking REAL pedophiles to burn in hell. So yeah, writing or reading about [X] in FICTION doesn't make you normalize it in REAL LIFE-

-UNLESS YOU want to normalize it.

(And if some antis are seeing this post, do not fucking call me pedophile or groomer because:

First: I'm not. I will NEVER be attracted to a MINOR. I find REAL pedophiles disgusting and I want them to burn in hell.

Second: I don't think you even know the meaning of "pedophile" and "groomer" so shut the fuck up)

[chimerafeathers]

the concept of intentional boredom/tedium in video games is very much a "your mileage may vary" kind of thing and i go back and forth about it in different situations. where does it work? where does it feel earned/worth the mental toll? why am i gonna play a game that is trying to make me miserable?

i can understand this not being the case for everyone (ymmv, after all) but for ISaT i was so fucking fully on board with the repetitive tedium of it all. rubbing my grubby little hands together and going yesssss, yesssssss, make my immersive gameplay experience directly emulate the exact frustrations and anxieties and mind-numbing breakdowns of the player character. remind me, at every turn, the toll this would take on the person living it. make me live their inner monologue before it's ever verbalized on screen.

how strong you feel, compared to the party you're inevitably leaving behind, how weak they seem now. how annoying it is to cut down these same enemies again and again, always pointlessly getting in your way (oh, how convenient that Siffrin feels the same way so intensely that you can get an item that lets him scare them off by sheer force of will before they attack you!). since when was the King's battle--so terrifying, so impossible before--so easy? can't this go faster? you've heard this all before.

let me skip ahead, loop around, treat my character my body Siffrin as disposable, take the fast and easy way to reach the next goal when you're on the verge of an exciting breakthrough, this loop doesn't matter anyway. but ohh, this next loop might be The One, better do this one right and follow the script to perfection. make all the jokes and say all the right things to get the lovely bonding dialogue so you can carry the Best Version of Everyone through to the end. that'll give you the Good Ending, right? can't hurt to try, right? you don't really believe it but this time will fix everything, right?

how generous and wonderful to have so many shortcuts at hand! dissociating zoning out to skip repetitive dialogue, splitting your head open on a rock slipping on a banana peel in the town to loop right to the floor you need, suuuuurely all of this stuff is purely for the Player's Convenience and won't have any psychological impact on our dear protagonist such that it gets slammed back into the player's face as a stomach-dropping reminder that someone's moment-to-moment experience in this time loop still matters, still carries over, still gets riddled with scars even if they can't be seen!

i've played & watched enough games that trivialize/hand-wave game mechanics that it's pretty easy to detach myself from the minutiae of video game decision-making. "this input gets the Good Response" -> "i will continue doing this input." "this option will be more efficient" -> "might as well save some time then." but this game would not let me stop thinking about consequence.

picking Siffrin's favorite food makes them happy! :) it's also the option that makes Bonnie the happiest! yay! -> i keep picking their favorite food -> Siffrin gradually grows sick of something that once brought him joy -> oh. right. that...makes sense, huh.

okay i asked the King what i needed, mann there won't be any tears after the fight is over so i'll have to do the whole ending scene again and that takes a while and i reeeeally wanna talk to Loop, maybe i'll just lose on purpose this time -> OH. RIGHT. THIS IS MAYBE THE MOST PAINFUL WAY FOR SIFFRIN TO DIE BOTH PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY HUH. -> never gonna do that again actually!!!!! the ending isn't that long!!!!

banana peel time! we've got places to be and mysteries to solve! -> (you're a living comedy sketch.) (you wonder if you'll ever be able to smell bananas again without wanting to vomit.) -> i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry

it's always cute to see Isabeau's reactions! pick the options that make him blush :3 -> (disgusting. manipulative. it's no wonder he thinks he likes you, you made him feel that way.) -> i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry siffrin NO he liked you before any of this happened please don't think of yourself that way--

maybe it won't hit the same for every player (what game can expect to do that?) but holy fuck it hit for me. the way the mechanics let you fall into familiar gamey rhythms but constantly, constantly remind you that this is Siffrin's life you're playing with. the way you end up perfectly in step in the worst ways. muscle memory and habit built up so well that you both stumble when something changes. devastating and delicious

[oldmanjenkins985]

So, I wanted to talk about something since MD Twitter in particular seems to be having some issues with a current trend in the MD fandom. That being the Panic AU by @candyasbestos (apologies in advance for the ping, just felt like maybe you'd wanna see this)

So I'd like to start right off the bat by saying anyone who is uncomfortable with this AU is completely reasonable for being that way. It's more so that uncomfortableness leading to disdain for the AU that I wanna talk about.

So, I'm a horror fan. I watch plenty of things on horror movies and play plenty of horror games. And what exactly does horror media try and do? Make the player horrified and uncomfortable. Seeing grotesque imagery which may make you wanna vomit. One of the games that comes to mind for something that's definitely meant to make people uncomfortable and not just scared is Fear & Hunger. It's a game with incredibly uncomfortable imagery, sometimes due to gore and other times due to sexual themes. And it's perfectly reasonable for that to turn people off, yet I've never seen anyone have the kind of reaction to stuff like that compared to the reactions some people have had to the Panic AU

And that's the thing with the Panic AU, it makes *N* uncomfortable. Uncomfortable with himself due to Nyx's influence on him. That is the entire point of the AU it seems. And Nyx himself seems to be some kind of representation of mental illness (pretty standard horror trope, I know). I'm not an expert in the subject despite dealing with it quite a bit so I won't name any specific mental illnesses it could be, but it's clear to me Nyx is some kind of urge of N's.

I've made plenty of characters like Nyx for my original works that are also meant to be representations of mental illness. Voices that whisper to you to do terrible things, creatures that make you feel worthless and shut down, etc. I make these not only because I find them scary but also as reflections of my own experience with mental illness. And it's that first point again that makes me question people's reactions to it.

People have said "It's grossly out of character for N" and stuff like that which...honestly that makes me think they only saw the initial wave of art and don't really know how N feels about the whole situation. But the other thing is that so many AUs have intentionally mischaracterized N because of what the AU is. And I'm not talking just swap AUs, I've seen plenty where N's character is wildly different because of the circumstances of the AU. And I see the Panic AU no different.

I also saw another comment of someone saying "We shouldn't normalize behavior like this" and again, I question whether the person has actually researched the thing they're talking about. Nyx, the thing that makes everyone uncomfortable, is very clearly the *villain* of the AU. He killed Uzi, he wants N to kill Thad, he's a horrid little creature. Are villains not meant to do things we disdain? Murder, torture, etc. It's prefectly understandable these things would make people uncomfortable, but isn't that what many villains do? There's plenty of media with torture scenes in them which make people uncomfortable, but that's the point! Hell, some kid shows have torture scenes. What about the Lich's design from Adventure Time? He's a rotting corpse! In a kid show! His design is clearly meant to make the viewer uncomfortable.

So again, while I don't think anyone is in the wrong for being uncomfortable due to the AU, I think many of the criticisms are unfair. A piece of media which is specifically designed to make people uncomfortable should not be criticized for that very reason. Avoid it all you want, that's completely reasonable! Never feel like your reasons for being uncomfortable are unwarrented. But I'm just saying that if you were to critique Silent Hill because it's themes of mental illness and character depictions made you uncomfortable, and that was a *negative*, it just seems a little weird to me.

This is all just my opinion, obviously I'm not THE definitive person on the matter. And I'm not saying anyone who has the AU blocked or anything should check it out. I'm just saying, many people seem to be judging it unfairly.