#And not at all trying to escape reality

[writing-with-gremworm]

Train Wreck Pup, Adopted

Here's a little thing I wrote based on a TikTok I saw a while back. Crewel was the first character I thought of, so I decided to make a very indulgent fanfic chapter based on the concept. It's a modern AU and Ren, the Insert/reader, meets him on a train. This is probably the longest piece of singular writing I'll post for a long time, but oh well.

Notes:

Crewel is a platonic/filial Soft!Yandere

Epel, Vil, and Neige show up in the latter half.

Non-Canon characters feature prominently.

This follows Indulgent FanFic tropes

Non-Canon Yanderes are included

This Universe has a fairly high density of Yanderes even if they don't showcase such features in the segment of the story.

Inclusion of a character sibling

TW: Yandere (In the latter half), Swearing, Mild Violence

“An E-Mail? Was I denied entry into the event? … Woah, Woah! I got in!! I still need a few more designs, but I can start actually putting some of these looks together in the frenzy! This is so cool.” I hop up from my chair and twirl around a few times, stopping and excitedly shaking my hands. “Yay! Oh, shoot- I need to leave tonight- Thank you organizers for the free ticket. But aaaahhh rushed prep time!” I add after glancing back at the E-mail.

Before long I’m out the door with a suitcase in one hand and my sketchbook in the other ready to board the train. While waiting for the train I open my phone and glance at the rules for the Flash Forward Frenzy fashion event

“Oh right, I should message Vera later. I can do that on the train. Rules first.” I mumble.

The event surrounded using old materials to create new looks. Clothes that were maybe used once and thrown away were collected to be used and made into outfits we could wear. The event itself was a massive hit, it was always fun to watch people create incredible things out of the most unexpected materials. But it was an even more exciting time this year since the esteemed Divus Crewel, Vil Shoenheit, and Neige LeBlanche were going to be there as guest stars designing alongside smaller names like myself.

I am well aware of the fact that I’m unlikely to run into big-name figures like Divus or Vil, but I’m excited to see their works regardless. Vil is also a prominent actor, so I’m certain that his presentation of works will have an air of drama and intrigue. My designs aren’t going to be as glamorous, but they will be different and interesting. I’m confident that they’ll fill in someone else’s niche desires if nothing else. Luckily the rules don’t say anything again the use of magic to process fabrics. Given this, I can use my ability to create a base from the drawings I’ve already made and the necessary fabrics and thread, which are provided for the event. I can only do this once or twice per day for extremely complex ideas due to the amount of magic it takes. I don’t want to risk an over-blot from excess magic use on stage, so I’ll save magic for my most intricate piece.

My thoughts are interrupted by the arrival of the train. The ride is twelve hours with various stops between here and the Glamour Isle. Needless to say, I have plenty of time to work on more concepts while I’m on the train. After about two hours someone sits next to me, but I don’t look at them since I’m busy and that could be rude. At some point in time, I hear a familiar disapproving sigh from their general direction. I ignore it at first to finish my sketches and notes for a piece from my fantasy set.

“Why does it sound so familiar though?” I mumble to myself before glancing over to where I heard the sigh. It feels like my face should contort in surprise when I realize who it is, but surprisingly I just stare blankly for a moment before shaking my head.

“Ah sorry for staring.” I quickly mumble as Divus Crewel of all people looks back at me and smiles with a tinge of concern, “You must be on your way to Glamour Isle too then?” I mumble awkwardly. I already knew that he was going in that direction, but I didn’t know what else to say since I had already begun to engage in a, perhaps one-sided, conversation.

“You don’t plan on wearing something like that in Glamour Isle do you?” Divus asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Ah, I mean I think this is fine? My work is going to be center stage with everyone else’s, I don’t really need to stand out, just my work does.”

“My my, and you have such an interesting design palette too. A pup like you would do well with proper grooming. No show dog looks scruffy on stage my dear, and neither should you.” Did he compare me to a show dog? Wait, he’s actually talking to me? I mean he’s belittling my pathetic messy dad aesthetic, but like, he’s talking to me?

“Ah- well. Yes. You’re correct, but in the case of show dogs, the stage is set for them to display their obedience, finesse, and beauty. I don’t see how this correlates to me specifically when a fashion show is about fashion and its resonance with the models and crowd. But I appreciate the compliment. I’m quite proud of my capabilities and I’m excited to share them.” I start a little nervous before settling into a matter-of-fact tone.

“Little pup, fashion is about far more than just aesthetics. Appearance has a larger impact than you may realize. As an aspiring designer, it’s important to note the politics as well.”

“I suppose that makes sense. Thank you for the advice. I’ll make sure to keep it in mind.” I say with a small smile. I look back at my work and sketch for a bit longer before giving my hands a break and doing quick hand exercises. I can’t help but glance over at Divus a couple of times after that just to see if he’s still judging my fashion or whatever caught his attention before. This was starting to feel like a dream. For one, no one was approaching Divus Crewel which is unusual, but he was sitting next to me to attend the same event which meant he might take a closer look at my work. Around the four-hour mark, Divus spoke to me again.

“It’s good to be serious about your work, but you still have a couple of days until the event takes full swing. For now, you should rest or you’ll be exhausted when you reach the Isle. Pups that exhaust themselves needlessly miss playing with their owners.” He chimes leaning back leisurely but still exuding elegance and an air of authority.

“I’ll be fine. But thank you for your concern.” I say after a small pause allowing me to process what just happened.

“There aren’t going to be many passengers in this train car. That can quell your concerns about taking up space or being a bother if that is what holds you back.” Divus states confidently.

“Ah, well that is one thing. But I’ve always had difficulties sleeping in moving vehicles. I can close my eyes and drift a bit, but any unusual movement or stop will jolt me awake. I’m not sure how much that little bit of rest would help haha.” I explain after a few moments of silence. I didn’t want to lie to him or come up with something that he could feasibly change for me that I just didn’t realize. I already felt like I was accruing debt by talking to him quite frankly.

“Have you ever ridden this train before? I think you’ll find that you can hardly tell when it has stopped.” I think back to earlier when the train stopped and Divus walked onto the train. He was right, it had not been super noticeable. In fact, it was so difficult to tell that I almost didn’t realize anyone got on until he sat next to me.

“Huh, I guess you’re right. I didn’t really notice when the train stopped to let you on. I mean, of course, the sound stopped, but there was enough other white noise from the lights and other cars that it didn’t register.” Though of course now I was far more worried about bothering the Divus Crewel rather than actually being tired. Naturally, I didn’t want to say that out loud though, it might be irritating. He must have noticed somehow though because his next words were:

“Don’t concern yourself with bothering me. I was the one who suggested you rest. You should simply follow my instructions like an obedient pup. I’ll even set an alarm for you if you’re a good boy.” What followed was an amused chuckle as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. I open my mouth to speak but instead let out a sigh and mumble a small thank you and smile before placing my sketchbook on my lap and leaning back in my seat. Divus stifles another laugh but the tapping indicates he really did set a timer for me. It’s strange to be so pampered by a celebrity. Though honestly, I doubt we’ll chat much after this, I didn’t even give him my name.

– Somehow I manage to fall asleep. I even begin to dream. Once in a while, I have vivid dreams that I recall after waking up. This already felt like one of them because I knew I was dreaming. “Oh good boy, you’re here on time. I wanted to introduce you to one of my students. I’m sure you’re well aware of who he is so there is no need for me to elaborate.” Divus states with a flourish of his hand gesturing to the Vil Shoenheit. “Ah, Vil Shoenheit, of course, why wouldn’t it be? It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m Ren.” I mumble tiredly with a little wave. Vil crosses his arms and places a hand on his chin thoughtfully. “I see, I can salvage this, no, I will polish it into a diamond.” Vil nods lightly with an expression revealing he is already planning my demise. I mean my prettification. “Salvage? Polish? Wait- Divus- Sorry Crewel, did you want me to meet him to fix my wardrobe?” “You catch on quite quickly. But there’s a bit more to it than that. You’ll be working together on a project I have in mind. I expect only the best from you pups.” “Wait what?” Vil and I ask at the same time. Then the dream just ends. –

I wake up to the sound of quiet chatter and the alarm.

“Good evening,” I mumble groggily before sitting up. It takes me a moment to realize that sitting up means I either fell over or leaned over in my sleep, “Ah I’m sorry, I usually don’t move much in my sleep so I didn’t expect to fall over or anything.” I mumble apologetically.

“Perhaps you should have laid down from the beginning. You’d be less likely to hit your head that way. But you did sleep, so good boy. We’ll be arriving at the next stop in about half an hour.” Crewel informs me.

“Haha, yeah maybe. Ah, thank you.” I mumble before noticing my sketchbook isn’t in my hands, “Wait where did it go?” I mumble looking around before noticing that Crewel was holding it. I feel my face flush out of embarrassment. I doubt he looked through it, but I can’t help but feel a little bit flustered that he could have.

“I did look through a couple of designs,” Oh no, “They’re quite intriguing. I expect only the best from you during the event.” Oh no he looked through them. But he liked them so that’s good. But also why did he look through them? “I don’t think I caught your name earlier.” He adds with an expectant smile.

“Oh um- I’m Ren. I’m already familiar with you and your designs, it would be more surprising if I wasn’t. I’m glad you have such high expectations for me, it’s quite the compliment. Though I’m not sure I’ll match them. Thank you Crewel.” I say quickly, stumbling over my words a few times and rubbing the back of my neck.

“So that’s how you gathered I would be going to Glamour Isle as well. I’m a little surprised you didn’t ask for my autograph or bombard me with questions considering you ended up in my train car.”

“Wait- your train car?” I mumble before thinking things over, “Oh, OH, that’s why you said no one else would be here, no one else was supposed to be here. I can’t believe I just barged in I’m so sorry, you could have asked me to leave. I didn’t mean to invade your personal space.”

“Calm down little pup. Had I wanted you to leave I would have instructed you to do so. If you weren’t obedient I would have gotten them to take the rabid pup away.” Crewel states a bit amused, gesturing to the other figures in the train car.

“Ah right, they must have been your people then, or otherwise people with the association running the event to ensure your comfort. But I was here for two hours before you. Why didn’t they just ask me to leave then?”

“You’re not exactly intimidating, you’re also a child are you not?”

“Um … I’m not a child, actually I’m 20.”

“You are? Then you’re a bit older than most of my other pups, though your height wouldn’t give that away. You may be even shorter than Riddle. No matter, you weren’t a threat, and it’s clear you’re more interested in work than causing trouble.”

“Still though …” I start before thinking it over. Had they wanted me to leave this car they’d have taken me out. So I guess I had accidentally gotten permission to be here. Additionally, this chance encounter was going to be one of the most memorable meetings, so I’m not really upset about being here.

“Well since you were fine with it, thank you for letting me stay. It’s a lot quieter than the other cars would have been I’m sure.” I mumble with a small smile before opening my phone to review the E-Mail again. The organizers had established a room I would be staying in as well, which was awesome and unlike any other event I had attended.

“Do you know where the Glamrock Hotel is?” Crewel asks before I can look it up.

“Ah, no I’ve never been to Glamour Isle for an event before, so I don’t know where anything is actually,” I admit rubbing my neck again.

“Well as a teacher I suppose I should guide you,” Crewel states a bit amused with the strange logic he’d presented me.

“Uh- well I guess technically that would be accurate. You’re being quite generous. Hm, you said earlier to think about politics, what exactly do you gain from helping me? Not that there has to be an ulterior motive, but I am curious.”

“You catch on quite quickly little pup. Though I’m not asking for anything but your time at this moment. Additionally, If you meet my expectations like a well-trained pup, I’ll be in touch after the event.” Crewel says with an amused grin. I wasn’t sure why he was so amused, but I was certainly pumped to make the most beautiful set of outfits I could muster. The last half an hour felt like it flew by. Somehow I was making small talk with Divus Crewel in what I now knew was technically his private train car with trained mages around us. It was fantastical in nature and my heart was beating like crazy.

After we arrived on the Isle, Crewel accompanied me to the hotel because we were going to stay at the same hotel. It was strange but so cool. Admittedly if he was anyone else I would be wondering if he was trying to groom me, the negative kind, not taking care of myself grooming. But Crewel is well known to be skilled and generous, and his gestures were by no means romantic or sexual in nature, if anything it was like he was going to adopt a new puppy. Also, he had set up a number of events and attended even more as a guest and he did not tolerate nonsense. Had I bothered him, it’s possible I wouldn’t be in Glamour Isle, I’d be home.

Either way, when I made it to my room I smooshed my face into a pillow and let out sounds of pure excitement before pacing around my room and flapping my hands in excitement.

“Aaaahhh, I can’t believe the Divus Crewel spoke to me. This is awesome, I’m so nervous but excited for how this event is going to turn out oh my god.”

Since I slept on the train I wasn’t very tired so I decided to work on my designs a bit more and do some extra research before going to bed. When I did sleep I ended up having the same dream as before. I woke up early and reviewed the E-Mail again to make sure that I was keeping the dates organized in my head.

After taking a shower and changing into something slightly less dad-core, but still technically awful, I hear a knock on my door. I blink a few times before checking the peephole.

“!” I silently scream seeing the Divus Crewel on the other side. I quickly open the door before he knocks again and he grimaces upon seeing me.

“I couldn’t erase your disaster of a wardrobe from my mind, We’re going to fix … this. At least temporarily.” Crewel motions to all of me.

“Oh thanks, I’m so glad you remembered me for dressing like an unfashionable dad. But this is about the best I have in my suitcase. Wait, is this what you meant by asking for my time?” I admitted frowning a bit and looking over my outfit. It really wasn’t that bad, even normal one might say. Despite the dad-core vibes, it was definitely wearable.

“How astute an observation. Grab some of the clothes you aren’t attached to and come along little pup, this is going to be a very busy day.”

He was right of course. As soon as I followed him out of my hotel room I could tell he would be. He listed the plans for the day in order. It was kind of nice to be doted on in a weird sort of way. Though I was confused as to why I had Crewel’s attention at this point. There was no way he would actually keep in contact and introduce me to Vil Shoenheit after the event. It was just a weirdly realistic dream after all. Things are just weirdly lining up like that might be at all possible when I’m sure it is just Crewel being kind. Yes, just kindness.

Following that, our busy day started by heading to breakfast followed by a trip to the hair salon. After my hair was tidied up, though still the same hairstyle, we went to a number of different stores. All of them were sustainable and gave store credit for every item you traded in. Once he’s established the style I was comfortable with we found a few different outfits that looked good scattered throughout various stores. Each of the pieces could be rearranged, but they were notable on their own. Each pairing made a different feeling and it was very clear that some enhanced aesthetic while others undermined it. Some of the dark academia and cottage core pieces did not work well together.

After finding outfits and trading away my old clothes he took me to find accessories. I insisted that I should pay for everything, but he refused and simply stated that I can bring my ideas into reality well to pay him back. I can’t tell if that feels more like a compliment or a threat, but it’s certainly flattering. Somehow we fit all of that in before lunch and there was still more to do. By the end of everything I was exhausted, though extremely grateful.

“I’ll make the best version of my designs possible. That’s what you’re asking for in return right?” I ask on the trip back to the hotel.

“Good boy, you listen well. I’ll see what you can do in two days when it begins.” Crewel responds with a nod and a slight smile. – It's time for the event. We have two days to complete four outfits as a complete set using the magic tools and our own abilities to complete them as quickly but skillfully as possible. It's a challenge that many enjoy watching and admire. I’m a little nervous to be on TV, but I think that if I focus solely on my craft I can make it. Especially since I can essentially focus on one and use magic to create another since it's two separate days and I only need four outfits.

Now that I reviewed the game plan it feels less intimidating. The curtain opens to reveal the piles of clothes and materials we have access to before letting up find what we need. A few of the others sort through the pile with magic to locate exactly what they need. I sort through them by hand and feel the fabric textures before taking them back to my station where my assigned tools sit.

At the six-hour mark, we’re given an hour-long lunch and bathroom break. I definitely needed the food since I skipped breakfast. After the break, we get immediately back into work for the remaining six hours of that day. I finish the first piece two hours into the second half and use magic to form most of the second one before detailing it during the four remaining hours. By the time the timer goes off, I have two of the four outfits complete even. Additionally, I still have more fabric that can be used for parts of the first outfit for the next day set up at my station.

The next day I arrive early and notice that something is wrong with the more complicated outfit. Someone had cut it up. It was like a nightmare. It completely ruined my plan to make the clothes as efficiently as possible. Frustrated and upset I wanted to cry, but instead, I decided to improvise and alter the design slightly to include the visualization of the cuts rather than attempt careful and seamless mending. It takes two hours and I lose another hour finding more fabrics. So I decided to reorganize my magic use and create two bases with as much detail as I can manage before reaching my magic limit.

But the half point of the second day I’m exhausted but I manage to gain enough energy to finish and add the final details to the four outfits before the timer runs out. I stumble a bit feeling a bit nauseous now that the magic use and intense focus for twenty-four hours total were exhausting. After the timer goes off I sit down and wait for almost everyone else to leave before one of the people associated with the event walks over to me. I ask them to make sure that no one tampers with my outfits again overnight since someone had cut up mine and perhaps other people’s outfits the night before. They agree to tighten security and make sure that it was impossible for it to happen again. A bit uncertain of how successful they would be I start thinking of ways to justify asking to fix my outfits quickly before the show if I had to.

Using my magic to its fullest two days in a row was really pushing it. If I did so again I might end up sick. I don’t think that over-blots are supposed to make you sick. But it is convenient that I don’t go into a destructive frenzy overtaken by magic when I over-blot at least. I just almost die instead. Which I guess may be technically worse for me, but it is less awful for everyone else.

“Are you alright? I saw how tired you were earlier. I can get someone to help you back to your room, or you could stay in mine since it is on the first floor.” A familiar soft and slightly high-pitched voice asks. Looking at him I see it’s Neige LeBlanche.

“Ah I’m fine, thank you for your concern.” Why were all these celebrities so nice to me? I mean it has only been two so far, but that’s still a lot for me.

“Can I at least escort you to your room? You look a bit unsteady and I don’t want you to fall.” Neige voices his concern with a worried smile.

“There’s no need to go that far. I’m only on the second floor, so I’ll manage.” I say, though admittedly I was less confident about actually getting to the hotel than walking up a set of stairs.

“Then I’ll at least help you get to the hotel.” Neige insists.

“While that’s kind of you Neige, you don’t need to be concerned with them. I was already going to escort this pup back.” Crewel steps in unexpectedly. There’s no way that Crewel just told Neige LeBlanche that we were going to head back to the hotel together. It feels like a dad trying to keep a romantic interest away from his child. Which is funny because if anything he’s like a little brother. Well younger brother, he’s definitely a little taller than me.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were acquainted with Divus.” Neige comments a little surprised.

“Crewel.” Crewel corrects.

“Crewel. But were you really planning on walking back with him?” Neige asks with doubt lingering over his words.

“Yes, we agreed to meet after the event since we had a chance encounter before this,” I explain, technically not lying, though assuming that since he came to find me he was impressed with my work.

“Oh, if that’s the case then we should meet again at some point too. I really admire your ability to work through challenges. Here, one moment.” Neige takes out his business card and hands it to me, “I hope you rest well tonight. You were Ren, right? I heard your conversation with the security personnel before.” That definitely sounded like an excuse, though I guess it’s possible for Neige to admire me. Just unlikely.

“Ah- yes my name is Ren. Well-”

“Well thank you Neige, but we should probably head back since the reveals and show are tomorrow. We wouldn’t want to be too tired now would we?”

“Ah yes of course. Well, it was a pleasure meeting you Ren, call the number on that card when you get the chance, I’ll see you around!” Neige leaves with his manager and a few guards.

“That was unexpected,” I mumble with a light sigh before remembering who was standing next to me.

“It was. Though I suppose he was right, you don’t look well. Perhaps I should carry you back.” Crewel muses.

“What? No there’s no need to carry me, I’ll be fi-” I begin before nearly falling over after another wave of exhaustion hits me. Crewel catches me.

“You’re small enough it won’t be an issue little pup. Besides which you look like you’re about to fall asleep. It would be unwise to travel on your own feet in that state. Tsk tsk, you really need to learn to take care of yourself.” He states picking me up bridal style.

“I- Thank you.” I conceded. I could tell he was right, I was exhausted. Even still I wanted to protest about how I didn’t want to owe him more, or how I didn’t think it was necessary. Despite those thoughts, my eyes were having trouble even staying open so I just closed them. – Before I knew it I was awake in my hotel bed, slightly disheveled and wearing my clothes from the night before.

“Oh. My. God. Did I fall asleep on Crewel again? Well I mean it wasn’t confirmed the first time but aaaahhh.” I immediately panic and place my hands over my face before realizing I need to get ready and look presentable for the showcase. “Ah, I don’t have time to panic,” I mumble before showering, dressing up, and eating an apple that was left on my bedside table with a small note not to skip breakfast in Crewel’s handwriting.

“Geeze, he really is like a dad at this point. It’s not like he adopted me as a pu- child though. It’s weirdly nice how comfortable he is to be around though.” I mumbled looking at the note with a bit of warmth filling my chest. It was nice to feel cared about.

With one big breath, I turn towards the door and head out. Though I had a weird feeling that something went wrong so I hurried to the venue where our outfits should be. I ask if I can check over my outfits quickly because they had been sabotaged before. Luckily I was let in since my outfits were all damaged in some way. It was devastating, and there wasn’t any fabric to fix them. Except for what I was wearing.

“I could use my coat and undershirt and still look mostly presentable while fixing them,” I mumble quietly, my voice shaking more than I wanted it to. Despite still feeling drained, I used my magic again, allowing it to flow through my fingertips to mend the fabric to the shape I desired it to with the fabric I was using in hand. It was a different colour, but the colour matched well enough that it looked intentional. Reaching the fourth outfit I could feel the strength in my legs waning, but I had to fix it.

Even if Crewel was already impressed, I wanted to fix this. To not let the stranger tampering with my work win. I needed to make them feel their efforts were wasted, that after everything I was fine. As my hands glided over the last portion that needed to be fixed a few people started coming in to check their outfits as well. Only mine had been tampered with. I felt my hands shaking as they let go of the now-mended fabric.

“Tsk tsk. What did I say regarding work and rest? Bad boy. You should ask for help if you’re in trouble.” Crewel scolds me before complimenting my handi-work, “It is well done, it looks intentional even. However, I can not condone overworking yourself because of the security’s lack of competence.”

“Haha, I remember. But I didn’t want to let whoever did this feel as if they’d won. I can’t let them feel like they’ve won. I don’t even know why they could be so upset with me.” Unless it is one of my old friends. They seemed to think the worst of me. But they wouldn’t do anything this devastating, would they? Well, Rachel might, but shockingly I didn’t see her here. I would have noticed someone I actively avoid.

“Hm, well your determination is a valuable asset. I suppose it’s a good thing I’m also a potions master. This will sustain you for the duration of the showcase, however, you must rest for the next couple of days.” Crewel states handing me a potion he had on hand, “Sigh. I can’t believe you used some of your only decent clothes because of this. I’ll have to start from square one training this pup. Don’t make this a habit.”

“Wait training?” I ask after downing the potion in one gulp.

“Yes, I’ll be taking you under my wing little pup. As you may have surmised you have impressed me. Though this still needs fixing.” Crewel again motioned to all of me. Suddenly I was reminded of my dream from the past few nights.

“Hey, this may sound weird. But by any chance is Vil Shoenheit also one of your pupils who happens to be the one who may or may not be responsible for fixing my self-care habits and everyday wear?” I ask before the potion fully kicks in.

“Oh? So the little pup is already aware. He must have spoiled the surprise, I’ll have to punish him later.”

“Ah, no, I’ve just had this weird recurring dream about meeting Vil Shoenheit under your tutelage. I wasn’t going to ask initially, I guess being tired made me voice my thoughts. But I haven’t actually met Vil yet.” I explain quickly. Crewel furrows his brows for a moment before an expression of realization covers the confusion.

“Ah, so you’re good at pattern recognition. It’s not uncommon knowledge that Vil is one of my pupils, and you took note of the fact I was treating you well. You’ll be an excellent student. If you pick up on things this quickly anyways. I expect only good things from you.” Crewel states with an almost proud smile before motioning me to come with him to his waiting room where a screen displaying the showcase was attached to the wall.

He discusses specifics with me while we wait for the showcase to reach the point where we all enter the stage and talk about our work and inspirations. Excluding Vil, Neige, and Crewel, the rest of us attending the event are lined up in order to head out second. The three notable guests head out to speak first.

“Sustainability in fashion is one of the greatest difficulties of this industry. But with the systems set up here in Glamour Isle, fashion waste is dwindling away and instead becoming fashion fuel. Isn’t that just incredible? Imagine all of the incredible things you can curate with such an array of fabrics, Imagine how much you can do exchanging materials and creating your personalized unique looks!” Neige starts, excitedly chattering about the benefits of sustainable fashion. Crewel and Vil both elaborate on this to varying degrees before everyone else is brought out and stood next to the models wearing their outfits.

I don’t notice the concerned look that Neige gives me. But I notice the fury of a familiar contestant near me. It was Dev-Ay. One of my ex-friends that happens to despise me. It shouldn’t be surprising that they’re here, they’ve always been skilled. But it does sting to think that they might have been so certain I was worth tormenting that they cut up my outfits. It also tells me that I probably didn’t notice people as much as I thought I would.

“I agree that sustainability and curating styles in this way are essential to bettering our society. It’s one of the reasons I was so excited to be a part of this project. Despite the unlikely mishaps, I had a blast creating designs influenced by the types of sustainable fabrics already being developed. It’s fascinating how through the use of orange peels or kelp beautiful sustainable fabrics can be created. My theme was Future Fantasy. Playing off of the alliteration of the event title, I wanted to curate looks that inspired the fantastical embrace of the future and the stories that such a future can hold. Imagine a sustainable world with glorious personalized fashion made for you. Fashion that makes you feel good and can aptly aid in your self-expression.” I begin as coherently as I can manage. Somehow my voice remains steady. Perhaps it is the desire to show Dev-Ay I am unaffected, or perhaps it was because I wanted to impress Crewel. But either way, I seemed to speak with a charisma I didn’t think I had. There was a prolonged moment of silence after I finished speaking before finally the live audience began to clap following Crewel’s and Neige’s examples. Their applause felt louder than any I had heard for me before and more impactful as it addressed my creations, it validated my ideas not some lame school speech. It was unexpected. Especially since afterward, the applause was noticeably quieter for the now flustered and disorganized Dev-Ay.

After the showcase, I felt my energy start to deplete rapidly. I figured that the potion was starting to wear off. Hopefully, I wouldn’t fall in front of Dev-Ay, I don’t want to give him fuel to berate me. While everyone else was chatting as the audience left and the models change, Dev-Ay approached me.

“Why? Why is it that you of all people did so well? Why couldn’t you just fold as you used to? Are you so proud now? Are you so proud after falsely accusing the one person that I love? You’ll never be anything but a pathetic liar who tears down other people. Are you upset because at least she liked being a girl? Were you mad that you couldn’t escape something that she accepted? Fuck you, fuck your whole fake-ass messaging. I despise you. I wish you would take a dive off the roof like you so badly wanted to before we were friends.” It took me a while to find the words I wanted to say. I didn’t know exactly what to say honestly. If he blamed me, then was there any way he would listen to me? Would he believe I was making excuses simply because I wanted to look good? Did he really want me to die because of this? Regardless I found my mouth moving before I could stop it.

“I don’t understand what my gender identity has to do with my distaste for Rachel. I was never upset at Rachel because she was cisgender. I think you of all people should understand that. Why are you so convinced that I lied to you? Do you love her so much you couldn’t see what she did to me? Has she never crossed your boundaries as she did to me? Or did you believe I actually withheld the information she conveniently forgot? That she claimed she forgot. I could be wrong. There is always the chance I misread her, but she hurt me and crossed my boundaries. I won’t go into the specifics again because you stopped listening to me years ago. But there’s no reason you should be this upset with me. The only way I hurt her was by telling her exactly what she had done and telling her that I couldn’t stay friends with her. I wasn’t wrong for standing up for myself like you never did for me. Your ability to trust seems like a blessing, but it may be a curse.” I respond with quiet, seething frustration, trying to remain as calm as possible but inevitably speaking poisonously. Before I know it I’m on the ground with blood pouring from my nose and a sore jaw. It takes me a moment to register what just happened. I try to get back up to my feet, but I can’t even move my legs to stand.

“Ren!” Neige called out with concern causing all eyes to turn toward Dev-Ay, Neige, and me. I bite my lip before trying desperately to tell my legs to move, but they simply shake beneath me on the floor as if they’re too scared to move. Too afraid that maybe they’re going to be hit next rather than my face.

“Dev-Ay. I was sincere when I told you I enjoyed being your friend and I was grateful for everything you had done for me.” I start, looking up at Dev-Ay who is clenching his hands into fists, “I don’t regret being friends with you, or stopping our friendship. I know that it was the right thing for me to do. I understand your anger. No, I understand that you are angry because you believe something I can not possibly fathom. But I never hated you. All I ask is that you let what happened to us remain in the past, it doesn’t benefit anyone to retain anger built on, at best, miscommunication.” I manage to say, smiling at Dev-Ay knowing it would make him angrier. Before he can respond Crewel and a few security officers walk over. The officers detain Dev-Ay who screams about how vile I truly am.

“That looks really bad Ren. Oh no, let me get some help.” Neige states with worry.

“I’ll take them to the nearest medic. You should calm the onlookers down.” Crewel states before picking me up again.

“Hah, I feel like a kid who got in a fight, and their overprotective dad came to pick them up,” I mumble in my exhausted delirium. The pain wasn’t even present anymore, I was just tired and numb.

“Haha, well I’ve taken a liking to you. Though next time someone punches you, bite back. Especially if it’s going to impact your precious face. You certainly have the charisma to back it up.”

“Aw, dad called me precious hehe. Thank you, you’ve really pampered me like a lil’ puppy while I was here. I feel weirdly comfortable with you. Man, I don’t want to fall asleep for a third time on you. It’s rude to use a celebrity like a pillow. And I’m not that charismatic, I’m just a bit silly.” I mumble with a yawn.

“You can fall asleep. You need it, and that potion, while good for a short time, does make you even more tired than before you use it. You did well, little pup. Though we have some training to do so you can do better in the future.”

“… Thank you,” I mumble quietly, avoiding leaning on Crewel with my bloody face as much as possible. I suppose he didn’t want the incompetent security to carry me this time, though I don’t know why he was compelled to carry me before. He really is like a father figure. I wish that I’d met him sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t have run into Rachel then. But I guess if I met him earlier I may have just been another kid, not someone of note.

The rest of the trip to a medic is in silence. When we get there the lady is nice and heals me with the stipulation that I rest for a solid two days to regain my energy. She asks if I have a guardian, to which I say of course, and that I will be fine under their care. Though how much of that will be true when I go back home is left to be decided. I don’t stay awake for too much longer, though I do hear a vague murmur of Crewel’s voice and phone chatter before I drift off to sleep.

– “Oh wow! This is amazing. Ren, you have to work with me on the next partner event that comes up. I would love to work with you!” Neige states as the dream fades into view. “Thank you. I’m quite flattered. Your designs are excellent as well.” I comment with a small smile before explaining that while it would be nice to work together I had already promised to work with someone else for the next event. Before I hear Neige’s reaction the dream shifts suddenly and I am in a cage. “I still love you you know. I was really hurt that you lied to Dev-Ya like that my sweet, adorable, Renny bird.” Rachel states with a certain sadness before reaching into the birdcage and caressing my face with her cold bony hands. “Why am I here?” I ask shakily before coughing a bit. My throat feels dry and my body feels cold. “Oh Renny, you know I can’t have you run away again. You’ll spread more lies and hurt more people. Unless I help you. Let me help you, I know I can fix you. Piece together the shattered pieces of you. Come here, I’ll give you a hug, just like before. We can make everything okay again.” Rachel says, her sickly sweet voice bouncing between the bars of the birdcage. I can’t say anything, I just stare at her as her arms elongate and weave through the bars to reach me. To touch me. To keep me trapped in this birdcage. –

I wake up with a start and sit up quickly before someone pushes me back into bed.

“What happened to you? Did you trip over the stairs? I warned you those long pants would make you fall dummy.” My sister Vera comments before sitting back down next to me, “Seriously though I was worried when I got a call to home about you being sick again. Did you overuse your magic?”

“Like you’re any better. Who are you to ask if I tripped on the stairs, didn’t you fall up a ramp that one time?”

“Oh shush you. You didn’t answer my question. What happened?”

“Dev-Ya punched me. I don’t know if he tried to sabotage my outfits yet, but I strongly suspect he was related to that too. Sorry I didn’t tell you about getting into the fashion thing. You weren’t home for a while anyways right?” I justify just recalling the fact I was planning on messaging her before and just didn’t.

“Ren, I wasn’t home sure, but you still should have told me! I would have come to see your work if it lined up with my work schedule.”

“Oh Vera, you’ll never guess who I met.”

“Oh really? Try me.”

“I met Divus Crewel.”

“Yeah I know that much, he was the one who called me. Imagine my surprise when the Divus Crewel was calling about my older sibling needing someone to drive them home. Bro, he asked if I was your older sister, how goofy were you to warrant that question?”

“Bro- It’s not my fault though. I just accidentally didn’t realize I got on the wrong train car and dressed enough like a hobo that he assumed I was a child.”

“Bro.”

“I know bro.”

“Going back a bit, I thought Dev-ya cut contact with you after that gross nasty did the bad thing I shall not name.”

“Oh yes, thank you for not naming the bad thing. But yeah, I thought nothing would come of it, but apparently, he was really mad at me. I wonder if Rachel encouraged this. I don’t think he would have acted as extreme otherwise.”

“I mean yeah maybe. But he was always kind of ick though.”

“I know, you were right. You’re always right when it comes to people.”

“Damn right I am.”

“Hey Vera, can you hand me my phone?”

“No, I can’t.” They say handing me the phone anyways. I smile at them lightly and open up my phone to check a few things. Firstly, if I had been contacted by Crewel since apparently he had found out my sibling’s number he may have found my contacts. Specifically “home” or otherwise Vera called my phone, but I couldn’t pick up because I was deliriously exhausted.

“Oh right, I was supposed to tell the Crewel you woke up. He acts more like your dad than our actual dad did haha.”

“Yeah, right? I was thinking the same thing. If he was still alive I wonder if that would have changed at all. I mean, it was really mom who was the worse parent, at least dad had an excuse.”

“I guess. But whatever, not the time. Time to message your ‘new dad’ since you seemed to have picked one up out of nowhere. You better not abandon me for another family.” Vera states rolling her eyes.

“Thanks, dad, and of course I won’t, you’re the only blood-related family I want to stay in contact with at the moment,” I say playfully rolling my eyes back at her.

Vera messages Crewel and much more quickly than I had anticipated he is in the room with us. We talked about a few things. Who Dev-Ya was, why he was so upset, what relation it had to my outfits, and why I lied about having a parental figure at home.

“Come to think of it. You’re a celebrity designer, you’re quite busy. Why did you come here directly to talk to us?” Vera asks.

“Well, while Ren is a student of mine, I was thinking that I could provide you with a better job as well and a place much closer to my design studio. If you’re all the other has, it would be rather cruel for me to separate you for a lengthy period of time. Despite how my name sounds, I’m not unreasonable.”

“Okay dad, sure thing. You’ve been really soft with me though. I don’t see how you would be. You just have high expectations right?”

“Say what you will little pup. I’m sure you’ll find I’m not as lenient as you seem to think I am. Also, Ren. How is it that your sister dresses so fashionably and you dressed as you called it in ‘an unfashionable dad aesthetic’?” Crewel asks, raising a brow.

“I uh, make their clothes and they take care of their skin better than I do,” I mumble slowly looking away from Crewel.

“I told them I don’t need to look nice either, but they insist that I should wear nicer clothes. I’m not a seamstress like them, I’m a watercolour painter. So I can’t just make them nice clothes to wear as they do for me.”

“But you look so pretty though, you definitely deserve all the nice things.”

“No, I don’t, you do.”

“No, I refuse, you do.”

“It looks like two little pups in need of some retraining.” Crewel breaks up what was about to become a battle of the no-yous, “Anyways, after Ren fully recovers, I’ll take you to your new home and explain the job I have for you in greater detail. That should be suitable for you I presume?”

“Excuse me, but why would you help us? Did you just adopt my sibling and say I could tag along?” Vera asks a little skeptical about this sudden favor toward us.

“I mean it’s not like he doesn’t gain anything. We’re both skilled artists who could contribute to his business and we’re in a position where it would be best if we joined him to gain the benefits we would from this.”

“Okay, I get that, but I still don’t understand why us.”

“While I don’t need a reason and this little gremlin child would technically owe me under other circumstances, I have my personal reasons for this predicament. Also, I am deeply concerned by the fact you trusted me so quickly. I will tell you the rest eventually, but for the moment I’m sure good pups won’t question me further.”

“Oh, you’ve yet to see gremlin Ren my newly adopted father figure. Now that I’ve fallen asleep near you like three times, I think it’s safe to say you’ll see weirdness soon. You don’t seem like a bad person though? I mean, you’ve had plenty of chances to make my life significantly worse, but you didn’t.” I laugh a bit. Vera raises a brow at me like they were saying, ‘Do you have no sense of danger child?’

“Gremlin Ren? Like when you said ‘Aw, dad called me precious’? I suppose you may simply be a good judge of character, though I’d still be more careful.”

“Hebba debba ha- Shoosh, we don’t talk about deliriously tired Ren, and sure, I could be more careful I guess,” I respond quickly, waving my arms vaguely in his direction.

“Bro.” Vera vocalizes her surprise, crossing her arms and shaking her head.

“Since we haven’t yet, Ren, let us exchange numbers so that I can contact both of you if need be. I’d rather not call your sister every time.”

“Oh alright, yeah that’d be good, we won’t always be together, so that wouldn’t have worked out every time anyways,” I respond before remembering I had Neige’s number somewhere too. I completely forgot to mention him to Vera before, oh well I can bring him up later. For some reason, I don’t feel like I should mention him in front of Dadus Crewel.

We exchange numbers and chat a bit about my health, fashion, and my sibling’s art. Vera ends up being quite flustered but flattered by the compliments she receives. It’s quite cute actually. Eventually, Crewel leaves and I’m left to rest with Vera making sure that I don’t skip any meals. She knows that I won’t eat if I don’t feel like getting up.

There was a lot to think about laying down. What was going to happen with Dev-Ya and Rachel? Would I have to tell Crewel about Rachel? How was it going to be learning under Crewel? Would Vera finally meet her Idol since we were going to be in the fashion industry? What did the dream with Neige and Rachel mean? I could probably figure out a couple of them. My dreams tend to be tied to reality, though upsetting things always end up more abstracted or represented by different characters. The thing with Neige may actually happen, or something similar will occur if I don’t spoil the surprise again. The more abstract representation of Rachel means I might meet her again. There’s no way that I would actually be trapped in a birdcage right? That seems quite unlikely despite how unhinged Rachel can be. I’ll probably have to tell Crewel about Rachel if I notice anything off like with the outfits. Though given his resources I may not be the first one of us to bring it up. Maybe I’ll wait until he asks me about it.

Two days pass slowly with the occasional conversation with my sister and her excitement about having a potentially less dull job soon. We vaguely touch on the fact she might meet her idol and then she wonders if she’ll have to hide her fanart of him before remembering that the only art she gets is of fictional characters so it's fine. Besides which there’s no way that Epel Felmier would ever see her room anyways right? By the end of the second day, I feel energized enough to start packing things up. Though I take care to pack my clothes separately from everything else just in case they’ll be confiscated for use as scrap materials. Not that they would, but considering Crewel’s judgemental glances, I have a feeling it isn’t an unreasonable concern.

Vera convinces me to call Crewel this time since she had to do so last time and he arrives equally as quickly as before with a few people to help us pack up. He motions for us to follow him while the movers grab all of our stuff in storage containers of various sizes and random boxes. On the way, Crewel discusses Vera’s position on the creative team designated to Epel and she literally gasps.

That evening when Crewel isn’t within earshot Vera tells me they hope he doesn’t notice them because they would never be able to talk to him well and might even accidentally refer to him as “baby girl” which they know he doesn’t like.

Unexpectedly our conversation takes a pause when I receive a message from Dev-Ya. He had been the one to block me initially, so I couldn’t imagine anything good would come out of whatever message he sent me. Especially since the last time we spoke, he punched my face. I didn’t open the message, but I read the first bit of it that was displayed on my phone screen from the notification.

[I want to meet up to apologize to you properly.] It began. I had a feeling that he didn’t actually want to apologize. Though I could be wrong, it doesn’t feel like something he would do.

“What’cha lookin’ at?” Vera asks, breaking the silence.

“An unexpected message.” I say vaguely frowning at my phone before shutting it off entirely for the moment, “I don’t really want to look at it though.”

“Oh, did Elliot message you again?”

“Not this time, no. Also, I blocked Elliot, I won’t be receiving his messages unless he does something to get around being blocked.”

“You seem to have a lot of enemies,” Crewel adds walking into the room with a pointer that has two collars attached to the other end of it. He was usually depicted with it, so it’s weird he didn’t have it at the event.

“Well, when you’re a doormat you tend to attract people who want to use you. Not that I am as much anymore, but it does sometimes feel like it would be easier to be one again.”

“That’s why I told you not to deal with them in the first place dummy,” Vera mutters.

“Are you sure you’re not the older sibling Vera?”

“Oh come on. Besides Vera is taller than me which automatically makes her the younger sibling.” I say playfully gesturing dramatically to Vera.

“That was because you were malnourished, you’re taller than me now,” Vera comments in turn with a small frown.

“Well I was going to get right to business, but I have a feeling we should discuss what happened with Dev-Ya on Glamour Isle.”

“I would be totally cool with skipping over that for now. Business stuff ooh.” I point finger guns in Crewel’s general direction.

“Oh wait, was that who messaged you?” Vera cuts in.

“What lead you to that conclusion? But yes, Dev-Ya texted me.” I sigh lightly rubbing the back of my neck anxiously.

“Well, that is concerning. What did he say?” Crewel asks, looking at me pointedly.

“I didn’t want it to pop up read so I only looked at the part that popped up in the notification. I don’t know what the rest says, but apparently, he wants to apologize. I doubt he means to apologize given how volatile our last meeting was.” I explain tiredly, rubbing my eyes and sighing.

“Bro block him. Gross. I bet Rachel told him to apologize so she can try to get back on your good side after ‘that’.”

“I figured much the same … I guess I should tell you who Rachel is now that we’re staying in your care huh? You certainly picked a puppy with a lot of problems.” I say with a small laugh before taking a deep breath and thinking about how to start.

“You are by no means obligated to give me your life story simply because I’ve brought you here. Though it would be helpful to identify people to avoid or deal with later.” Crewel responds, mumbling the last part and hitting his pointer against his hand.

“I didn’t catch that last bit, but I still feel like I should anyways. I won’t go into specifics, but essentially I was in a relationship where I would give as much as I could to make Rachel happy, but she never listened to me or returned the affection I gave. It got particularly bad at one point, but I won’t get into that. It messed with a lot of my friendships though since that became my standard. Elliot, who was mentioned earlier, is similar, but worse in some ways. I’m lucky I found out who he was before I met him in person though.” I explain vaguely, pausing a few times, wondering if I should be telling Crewel all of this. He practically adopted us, I’m not even sure how things worked out this well, but I couldn’t help but feel like as soon as he knew more he was going to throw me away.

“It looks like you were surrounded by some pathetic mutts. I’ll make sure they don’t show up around you. For now, you should probably block any of them you’ve yet to and stay focused on something that won’t keep your anxiety up. I’m sure that all deeply impacted you. No one goes through upsetting events unscathed. I don’t really do hugs, but you two can speak to me about anything that is troubling you. It’s one of the responsibilities I signed up for taking you in as my students. A teacher's job is to make sure his students thrive in the learning environment.”

“You’re definitely acting like a dad now. You don’t do hugs? What's with carrying me to a medic instead of letting someone else do it?”

“I’m not sure actually.”

“Oh? You’re not sure? Sounds likely fatherly instincts ooh.”

“…” Crewel doesn’t reply, he simply places a hand to his chin thoughtfully, placing the hand with the pointer in it against his elbow.

“Hey, Ren you should block those nasties.” Vera points out before I can react to Crewel’s silence. I had already forgotten that blocking people was mentioned so my mouth forms an ‘oh yeah’ before I turn my phone back on. It flashes on a full brightness before returning to the lowest setting where I usually have it.

“Ow, my eyes,” I grumble before going through and blocking the numbers I had yet to block. It was Dev-Ya’s and some guy named Teiran I didn’t remember but had a negative feeling about for some reason. Rachel and Elliot were already blocked before so I didn’t have to worry about them for now.

“You came in here to talk business initially right? Let’s do that.” Vera states, taking a lead in the conversation. Probably in hopes that Crewel would leave as soon as he said what he planned to.

“Right, business. First of all, excuse me for barging in earlier. I can assure you this will not become a habit. I live separately from you and I’ll make sure to inform you if I need to speak with you both prior to my visits unless it's an emergency of course. Onto business, there is a large event surrounding new fashion coming up in six months, the Summer Unlimited Fibers Fresh and Economic Revolution annual event. You’ll be put into teams of at least three. Though these teams can be sorted out beforehand which is what we’re going to do. As you may have already guessed, I plan to assign you two to a team with Vil Shoenheit and Epel Felmier. Until then, however, we need to increase your prestige and credibility.”

“I’m mildly concerned by the fact it spells the out ‘suffer’ as the acronym, but I digress. So you mean you’ll be making sure we get into events to showcase our abilities? If this goes well, we’ll be working on one of the biggest events in the fashion world with some of the most well know fashion-related celebrities. But if you have other pupils, then why did you select us?”

“Oh, I suppose I should have specified. I’m also a teacher at Night Raven College. The students there are probably who you mean by my ‘other pupils’. As for why I chose you two, there are a few reasons. Most obviously, it brings diversity to the group. A non-binary gremlin with dark-academia vibes and a lady steeped in Ouji fashion pair well with the adorable Epel and glamorous monarch-esque Vil. It’s like a set of fantasy villains. Quite an eye-catching arrangement no? Additionally, you already work well together, I’m afraid some of my other students are too much like divas to work well as a group. Individually they all have strengths, but until they mesh, they’re like oil and water. While you have yet to work with Epel and Vil, you will be more willing to compromise with them when necessary.”

“Oh, I guess that makes sense. Diversity is an important note for intrigue. However, I’m under the impression that this is in part because of Neige’s potential group. Either they’re also trying to be diverse, or that group is going to essentially be a boy band right?”

“Correct. Given the previous year, it’s likely that Neige’s group is going to be more diverse. There was a lot of discourse surrounding some of the former members, though somehow that discourse gave Neige a popularity boost.” Crewel states, his voice dripping with annoyance.

“Right, weren’t Neige and Vil placed on the same team as two newbies who ended up being a mess all things considered?”

“Unfortunately.”

“So you don’t want the hosts to make Neige and Vil part of the same team again? But you don’t have much time to locate some new talents, and those you could reach out to would make things more difficult.”

“Essentially.”

“Considering that you came here almost immediately. You have something in mind to get us started right?”

“Very good. Yes, I have a few events lined up for you. I’ll handle getting you in, you are going to need to focus on curating new designs. I have more for you after this event, so don’t burn yourself out like last time. Since security was so lax at the last location, I can promise you I’ll ensure more reliable security this time.”

“Can you tell us the specifics like dates and themes?”

“I’ll go over it with you another day, but for now I’ll be E-Mailing you all of the relevant information. Though I’ll need to give you your company E-Mails and their passwords before you can use them.”

“Company E-Mails? Wow- that’s fancy.”

“Oh, we had those at my previous job.” Vera mumbles.

“Good, then you should be familiar with professional E-Mail etiquette.”

“E-Mails have etiquette?”

“…” Vera and Crewel look at each other, perhaps wondering how I had made it this far without knowing that there was such a thing as E-Mail etiquette. Crewel ends up discussing specifics with us anyways before handing us our company E-Mail information. After he leaves Vera and I unpack a few more things while bouncing ideas off of each other for the first event.

We head to bed soon after and both wake up early. Getting used to a new space was going to take a little bit. Everything was so much cleaner than it ever had been. There’s only so much progress we were able to make at the old house with my studies and Vera’s work. Regardless, we had things to do and not much time to dilly-dally about new surroundings.

The next few days raced by and before we knew it we were presenting in front of a crowd. Though this one was notably smaller than the one from the Flash Forward Frenzy. Unexpectedly, Neige was one of the guest judges alongside Vil. After the show is over Neige approaches us.

“I didn’t expect to see you here! Wow, your designs are still so impressive. Oh, a pleasure to meet you, Vera, I’m Neige LeBlanche!” Neige starts excitedly grasping my hands, acknowledging my sister after a moment's pause.

“It’s nice to meet you too. I’m Vera, Ren’s sister.” Vera introduces, looking at Neige’s hands and then back to me with a raised eyebrow.

“Hello again! Also, I’m sorry, I completely misplaced your business card, so I wasn’t able to add your number to my contacts after everything.” I apologize, wondering if he was under the impression that I just didn’t like him.

“Oh no, well I suppose it’s not unexpected. You were in really bad shape after the Frenzy. I’m surprised you were on your feet this quickly. Hmm, why don’t I just add my number to your phone this time? There’s no way you’ll lose it that way!” He states with a wide smile befitting a prince.

“Sure! That would probably be better.” I reply before pulling out my phone. Vera blinks at me, ‘Seriously? You know that Vil and Neige are rivals, you really want to die on the hill of befriending everyone until you get hurt?’ I hand Neige my phone and he quickly types in his number. I stifle a laugh when I see that he’s oh-so graciously nicknamed himself for future reference.

“Do people call you Neggy?” I ask curiously, looking at the little heart emote he’d added at the end too. I mean it was distinct, I’d give him that, but it felt a little unnecessary.

“Only friends do. I’d like to think we’ll be friends though so you can call me Neggy too!” Neige explains still just as bubbly and excited as before.

“Okay, but I’ll still refer to you as Neige in public.” I smile a bit. He was cute if nothing else. It was like finding a little brother. Though Vera would always be my favorite sibling. Before I can give Neige my number in turn Vil joins us.

“Hello, Neige. Sorry to cut your conversation short, but these two have a prior engagement.” Vil states with a practiced smile, elegantly placing a hand on his chin. I wonder how much of the conversation he heard when walking over. Regardless Vera’s assessment that being friendly toward Neige would give me problems was probably going to be a little too accurate. Vil was already displeased, I couldn’t imagine that our trip to the meeting room with Crewel and Epel was going to be comfortable.

“Yes, unfortunately, we do have something else to tend to. I’m sure we’ll meet again given the industry. Let’s head out.” I add, looking at Vera who rolls her eyes at me and also confirms that we should leave.

“Ah, goodbye Ren. I hope we have a chance to talk more next time. Safe travels!” Neige says before saying farewell to Vera and Vil collectively. We walk in silence until we reach our transportation. After the door shuts Vil starts to speak.

“So you’re friendly with Neige LeBlanche?” He asks with a smile that conveyed his displeasure.

“Well, I don’t have a negative opinion of him as of the moment. But we’ve only spoken a few times so it’s difficult to say if I’d ever give him preference. Though to be frank, my main concern is being polite since unlike you, my clout isn’t very good.” I explain. It was true that I was fairly neutral towards Neige, he may be cute, but he’s not very memorable for anything but that. Given the choice, I’d rather be friends with Vil since that would make things less complicated and Vil is also more interesting. The media is divided on how to depict Vil as his fashion sense and acting career have cast him as a villain. Do they show him as tragic, cruel, or even secretly good?

“I see. I suppose that makes sense. Though I will remind you to avoid being too friendly with him. Even if you’re just being polite others will take your politeness as affection and twist your image.” Vil explains, a bit softer and less peeved than earlier. Was he worried about me? “I have to agree with Vil. Ren, you’re too careless with people.” Vera adds quietly, glancing at Vil before looking at me, “You shouldn’t have let Neige grab your hands either, what if there were paparazzi? Neige has the barrier of being the highest-ranking celebrity, you’re not safe from being slandered and defamed.” Vera adds with concern, her voice shaking.

“Vera- I know. I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that the media is going to depict me as a playboy at this point. I mean, there’s no way that there aren’t pictures of Crewel carrying me circulating at the moment. With that, if there also end up being pictures of Neige holding my hands then I’ll be in trouble.” I apologize, sorting out my thoughts and realizing all at once just the predicament I had been put in.

“Usually Crewel is so careful about his image. But I suppose he has always had a soft spot for his students. Though he would never admit that.” Vil muses, “If you understand all of that, why aren’t you more guarded?” Vil adds with added annoyance.

“I- don’t have anything to say for myself. It’s just stupid.” I state looking down at my feet.

“We’ll discuss this with Crewel later. Vera, you weren’t at the Frenzy so I didn’t get to see your abilities in action before. I’m excited to see what you’ll do in the future. You seem quite promising, and perhaps wise.” Vil compliments Vera who smiles a bit before thanking Vil for his compliments. Eventually, it reaches the topic of understanding why Crewel said he’d need to fix my wardrobe.

“We already have plans to curate your wardrobe, unfortunately, there simply wasn’t time before this event, so you had to wear the ones from Glamour Isle. But no more. I shall make you shine like a diamond. And perhaps blind Neige.”

“What is it with people mumbling the last part of their sentences? I’m grateful for your time and efforts in this. I’ll try not to undermine your expectations.”

Eventually, we make our way to the meeting room where a few unfamiliar faces sit with Crewel and Epel. Most of them are dressed in business attire with some notes, but one of them looks completely different from the rest. Dressed in a dark feathered cloak with a crow mask and cane, the fae lounges at the head of the table. This also implies that he has a higher position than Crewel. Who is this guy?

“Ah! You’re all here. Yes, it is I. Crowley your beloved CEO and headmaster at NRC.” Yeah, I still have no idea who Crowley is.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Crowley,” I say with a polite smile.

“Yes, it’s lovely to meet you, Mr. Crowley,” Vera says in turn.

“It’s a pleasant surprise to see you attend the meeting CEO,” Vil states with an elegant practiced smile.

“There is no need to be so formal with me! Just call me Crowley. After all, you all are important assets to our company.” Crowley states in a sing-song tone, “Oh right, feel free to sit anywhere, there’s no need to stand so stiffly.” He adds with the motion of his hand.

“Thank you, sir,” I say before sitting one seat away from Crewel so that Vera can be seated beside two people she knows. Vil sits beside Epel on the other side of the table and introductions of everyone at the table begin. The table consists of Crowley, Crewel, Epel, Vera, Vil, Trein, Vanrouge, and I. The meeting covers schedules, the clean up for Crewel’s sudden dadittude, and current media standings. Admittedly during the more budget-oriented pieces of the conversation, I was completely lost.

After the meeting ends Crowley leaves immediately followed by Vanrouge. Epel and Vil head out after speaking briefly to Crewel. Vera and I decide to follow Vil out for the moment. We weren’t stopped so we left the room. Vil notices us and motions for us to walk a bit closer to the two of them. I can almost hear Vera internally screaming being so close to Epel.

“We have more to discuss outside of the meeting since they didn’t cover everything. You’re probably wondering who Lillia Vanrouge and Mozus Trein are. They’re investors in the company that happen to be on good terms with most of us. Since they have such a big say in our company, they tend to appear in official meetings discussing budgets and plans for the company's future.”

“You realize that Crewel probably would have explained all of that to them right?”

“Yes, but the conversations between Trein and Crewel tend to be lengthy. We have to wait anyways, it makes for better discussion if the other parties aren’t preoccupied with something else.” Vil says motioning for everyone to sit down in what is probably a waiting room or lounge of some sort.

“Eh- Yeah okay. Ahem. Hello again, I’m Epel. It’s nice to meet you both.” Epel says with a sparkly smile.

“Wow, I didn’t realize that people could literally sparkle,” I mumble thoughtlessly. Vera covers my mouth before I finish.

“The pleasure is all mine,” Vera states simply, smiling politely but definitely freaking out internally. After a bit, she uncovers my mouth and I am free to speak again.

“I guess we’ll be seeing each other a lot more frequently right? So wouldn’t it be a good idea to figure out some baseline things to avoid doing? For example, eating sounds really bother me. If I dine with others, it is usually in a noisy place so I’m less overwhelmed by the eating noises but rather the environment.”

“Ah, I suppose you’re right. Then I’ll state the obvious. Be more careful about your image and who you associate with. Additionally, do not needless contact Neige LeBlanche as that too could become problematic.”

“Ah, I get it, if anyone sees either party text the other, a deeper relationship will be assumed because it makes for a better story and more interesting gossip.”

“Exactly. I suppose that means you had no intentions of actually contacting him then?”

“Well, I was undecided initially, which is why I even mentioned the number again in the first place, but given this, it’s better to avoid contacting him. He’s been at the center of enough drama where everyone else ended up looking bad that I don’t really want to chance an ‘Oops, I didn’t realize they could see my screen lol’ moment.”

“I’m glad you’ve come to your senses.”

“I suppose if it's just us, avoid calling me cute or referring to me too fondly. I’d rather not be bombarded with those things outside of work too.” Epel adds, still sounding soft and polite.

“Ah, alright. If I had to add something, it would probably be along the lines of wariness around group chats or anything. I’ve had a friend or two in ‘secret’ group chats that were too careless about ensuring the excluded parties weren’t aware they were excluded.” Vera mentions with a brief explanation.

Before we could continue the conversation an announcement was made over the loudspeakers to find a place to hide while a situation was being dealt with.

“Well, that is concerning,” I mumble.

“What in tarnation? Concerning? That’s downright mortifying. What could possibly be happening?” Epel replies with a panicked expression.

“Let’s go into the nearest room. Now.” Vil states staying composed and ushering us all into a room that has a door that locks.

“It’s our first day here and something went wrong,” Vera mumbles, leaning on me and clutching their arms tightly.

“I’m not sure what’s happening, but it will be alright, we’ll just stay quiet. I’m right here.” I whisper as quietly as I can, placing a hand on Vera’s shoulder. The room stays silent after that. Outside of the room, we hear footsteps and a knock of metal on the floor.

Clack clack, clang, clack clack, clang

The person outside calls a name I don’t recognize, but Vil’s expression shifts into one of disturbed understanding.

“I know you’re here my love. Just come out and we can talk.” The voice calls out with a deranged laugh. ‘Ah, it’s someone’s crazy fan or ex.’ I think frowning a bit.

Clack clack, clang, clack clack BANG

The door shudders as a dent forms in it. It takes a moment to process that it was our door that had been hit until I see Epel standing before the door, magic circling his hands while he stands in front of us.

“Oh? Are those frightened breaths I hear? My my, you always were such a delicate thing weren’t you?” The voice exclaims, excitement dripping over their words as something crashes into the door again. I find myself wondering how this guy got here, how they possibly managed to get past security in this place.

BANG

The dent grows as the hinges cry out in pain.

BANG

The door squeals in agony.

BANG … Thonk

The door falls down slowly as an unfamiliar grinning figure peers into the room.

“Oh Icy, there you are!” The intruder exclaims looking at Vera. Vera looks confused and frightened. I find myself moving before I can think about it. I crash through the door we locked to get in here, pulling Vera behind me.

“GET BACK HERE!” They scream followed by the sound of fire crackling through the air followed by the whip of vines.

“Who the fuck is that?” Vera whisper screams, grabbing my hand tightly.

“I don’t know. But we need you to get out of here, or hide really well.” I say in reply, my voice sounding much calmer than the heart beating in my chest. My shoulder starts to throb.

“I-I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know who that is.” She says panicked.

“I know, I know, it’s not your fault, they’re just a creep.” I console them, starting to lead them toward another exit from the waiting room.

“Eugh- I won’t let you pass through here!” Epel shouts after a sound of pain. Before I can stop her, Vera barrels back into the previous room and punches the creepy stranger back through the doorway.

“No one hurts my friends,” Even she must not have known what came over her, but hearing her idol cry out in pain led her to punch the intruder with a force even she didn’t know she had. They fly through the doorway and crash through the door across the hallways.

“Agh- My sweet- why do you pain me so? I came all this way for you.” The stranger pleads. I feel useless as I watch Vil, Epel, and Vera.

“She wants nothing to do with you. Get that through your head or you won’t be left with just a few burns and scars.” Vil states with a venomous smile spreading over his lips.

“How did they get here? I don’t think they should have been able to. Is there anyone who would want to hurt Vera maybe? … Could it be Rachel again? Is she trying to destroy what I have left so I fall back into her arms?” I mumble to myself before hearing another crash. Vil had thrown the stranger through another door.

“That’s going to be a pain to replace.” Crowley comments walking towards the stranger, “Sorry, but who are you? And why are you bothering us on such an important day?” He adds with a certain detached annoyance like he was talking to a bug. It was then that I managed to walk back toward everyone to see what was happening.

“I’m just here to see my dearly beloved!” The intruder insists.

“That creep has nothing to do with my sister. But he thinks he is.” I state walking over, my heart beating loudly in my chest, “I was trying to be nice earlier.” I add with a practiced smile.

“How is taking my sweet Ice rose away from me a kindness? You just wanted her for yourself.” As they argue I catch a glance at their eyes, they’re cloudy. I stare at them for a moment before something clicks.

“You drank it,” I mutter.

“It’s a miracle thing, isn’t it? Oh, I was so close to holding my love. If you weren’t here- if I get rid of you-” The stranger realizes, rising despite their disfigured form.

“I don’t think so.” Crowley states bonking the stranger on the head with his hand knocking the fool out cold, “Now, I trust you’ll explain what you meant by ‘you drank it?’” Crowley asks motioning for some personnel to get rid of the creep.

“No, you mean they drank that?” Vera cuts in, “It’s- it’s a monstrous potion. It relieves you of all worldly pain, but you lose your ability to perceive right and wrong, as it eats away at you you start to decay and you’re susceptible to others' intentions. If they really drank that- then that means Rachel is involved.” She explains, rushing over as I lose my balance.

“This Rachel is going to be a much larger problem than I initially assumed.” Crewel comments, supporting me from behind as well, “But that doesn’t explain how that mangy mutt got in here in the first place.”

“If the only benefit of that potion was the elimination of pain it wouldn’t be as tempting. If you know which one it is you can probably piece together what happened. But one of the things the potion does is amplify your magic until you overblot. You either decay or overblot, and neither is a pleasant end.” I explain further, scratching at my arms as the ickiness settles into my skin.

“Why exactly do you know all of this?” Trein asks, walking over with a tap of his cane announcing his presence.

“… That’s how my best friend died,” I whisper with a small, pained, laugh.

“I’m sorry for your loss Ren. It is never easy to lose someone. I am too old now to guarantee your safety under my watch. But I will support you the best I can in other ways.” Trein states, looking between Vera and me.

“Hm, well given the dire circumstances I think I could keep an eye on them. Besides, it would be like adopting wor- children.” Crowley states, absolutely about to say workers instead of children before he corrected himself.

“There’s no need for that Crowley, I’m already taking care of their housing, so I’ll be the one to settle them into a safer space if need be,” Crewel states in turn.

“Hahahaha,” Vera starts laughing.

“I hardly think this is the time to be laughing child,” Crowley states.

“I know, I’m sorry, it’s just- you all barely know us but you’ve already accepted us more than our family ever did. It’s just kind of funny you know? Maybe I’m tired.” Vera states laughing a bit more while tearing up. She sniffles and tries to calm down her tears but Epel hugs her.

“There there.” He states, patting their back.

Crewel notices before I do that I’m crying too. He wipes away my tears with a handkerchief and sighs.

“You always seem to get hurt when something happens.” He says, placing a hand lightly on my injured shoulder causing me to flinch, “Let’s get you patched up, we’ll discuss what to do about your safety after that at least.” He adds.

Vil looks at Crewel as though he’d grown a second head.

“You’re not going to pick me up again are you?” I ask with a sniffle before turning my head to look up at Crewel. He smiles a bit.

“That depends, can you walk this time?” He asks though the answer was quickly found to be no, “Hm, well I’m afraid you’re going to have to sit still and be carried this time as well little pup.” He muses. I sigh and just let him carry me. Crowley joins Vil in his baffled stare at Crewel.

“What- is happening,” Vil asks furrowing his brows and pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Dad instincts,” Vera mumbles through sniffles.

“I suppose he does have a habit of adopting promising children, or ‘pups’ as he calls you.” Trein muses, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

“Hah, this really is going to be quite expensive. You’ll need to deal with that Rachel person sooner rather than later.” Crowley comments before he takes his leave.

“Unfortunately I can’t stay for too much longer either. However, Vil, you have my number. I ask that you update me on the situation when you can.” Trein states leaving as well.

“I’m sorry, your jacket is soaked with tears,” Vera says seeing Epel’s now wet jacket.

“It’s fine. I don’t get the whole unsupportive family bit, but I’m all too familiar with being in an unexpected fight with someone you don’t know. NRC isn’t exactly full of friendly faces. ‘Sides, you were really something. I didn’t expect ya ta smack the bastard in gob like that.” Epel states, slipping into an unfamiliar accent. Usually, he sounds like a well-read nobleman.

“I just heard you get hurt and my body was already moving on its own. I can’t take too much credit for that. I’m not nearly as brave as it seems.” Vera explains quickly.

“Not many have such noble intentions. Well, I suppose you won’t be a burden despite the issues that seem to surround your sibling. Though my opinion is subject to change should you prove to be loutish.” Vil comments.

– “Ow- I didn’t think I’d dislocated it, it just felt numb at first,” I grumble, rubbing the arm where healing magic was applied.

“In an ideal world, you’d have time to rest, but for the moment we should discuss safety. Previously you would not be living with anyone but your sibling. Given the circumstances would you be more comfortable living in my house? Given my status, I have trained guards to deal with intruders like that person.”

“It would probably be safer to stay somewhere that secure. It’ll be a pain, yes, but I’m not going to deny any greater level of protection. Though I have my reservations about hired guards at this point.”

“That’s understandable. I can assure you, however, that my hired personnel will be much more reliable. Crowley and the owner of the organization that hosted the Frenzy prefer cost effectiveness to function.” Crewel grumbles.

“Da- Crewel! You shouldn’t say that in the building, slander the man later.”

“Pfft, but you don’t disagree.”

“Of course not, I’ve seen what happened- dude I was there. I mean last time was like two minutes ago. Eugh, I’m so tired now too.”

“You should get some rest here then. Would you prefer I stay here, or leave?”

“Thanks for that, do what you think is best.” I didn’t want to make him stay when there was going to be a lot of aftermath to sort out, and it was very unlikely that something would happen immediately after the last incident. Rachel doesn’t work like that, she eats away at you slowly until you give in to her.

Crewel ended up staying in the room, at least until I fell asleep.

– “Oh Ren, did you enjoy our game of hide and seek? I had so much fun finding you.” ‘No, I recognize that voice.’ “You were so difficult to get a hold of. Were you that confused my dear? It’s okay, I can help you now. Just trust in me.” ‘No. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be with her here.’ “Come closer, little Ren. I’ll make sure you’re safe in my arms.” Rachel’s arms wrap around me and begin to constrict me, suffocating me. It feels like all of the air is being pushed out of my lungs as the cold arms continue to snake around me and hold me closer. “My adorable dear.”

–

TL;DR: Ren meets Crewel on a train after accidentally entering the wrong car and Crewel notices their distinct lack of fashion. From there Ren participates in a Speed Fashion contest with an unreasonable time limit and manages to prove their worth. Given this, Crewel takes in both Ren and their sister Vera to contribute to his team starring Vil and Epel. In the midst of this an old 'friend' from Ren's past resurfaces as an adversary.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

*tries to organize my thoughts*

*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*

*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*

(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next

[balkanradfem]

Do you ever think about how sad and messed up it is to grow up in this world as a little girl who likes to read. Because you are a child, and you don't get that there's a difference in who writes the books, you read everything you like, you read the adventures and the fantasy and the mysteries and the traumatic stuff and if you're also very isolated and lonely, these books build your worldview. Because why wouldn't they? They're written by humans, so they have the attitudes, opinions, perceptions, morals and spirits of human beings in them, they're telling you what humans think and feel about things, how they go about situations, what they imagine, what they desire. What your role in all this is, or what it could potentially be.

But, since you are not capable of differentiating the material, and you just read what is available to you, you end up reading a lot of books written by m*n. You also have to go thru the required reading at school - 90% written by m*n. And so slowly, since young age, without even socializing or learning it thru interaction, you find yourself in a world shaped by minds who do not have empathy for women, especially not for little girls. You find yourself relating to the male protagonists, but you also find out that girls only play a passive role in their stories. You find that m*n problems are centered, made important, their suffering and violence critical points in the story, while women are cast aside as helpers, servants, givers, caretakers, and generally just exist in the background, not a thought given to what they are going thru.

You learn thru books written by m*n, that your experience is secondary. Even if you cast yourself as the adventuring, immensely important and struggling protagonist, even then the other women in your mind end up being just background characters, caregivers who do not need a thought spared for their suffering.

Books written by m*n, even for children, will trivialize female suffering to the point where they shape the child's mind into one that looks at the world from a male perspective. Where women either don't matter, or are capable only of giving and aiding, to be cast aside for more important matters, such as male aspirations for their own lives.

Thinking back, I understand why I felt myself unimportant and trivial in any social setting - I understood my role from the written word, and I knew adults found me trivial, secondary, only a background figure to someone else's adventure or mission. As much as I could fight it in my fantasies, and make myself the main character, it felt like a pipe dream, like something that was incredible self-indulged and selfish and would never translate to reality.

I wish it had been different. I wish I had been introduced specifically and only to books written by women, for women. I wish I had found empathy for myself in those books. I wish I had found myself standing on high ground, equal ground, with other women, our desires centered, our lives translated into tales of epic importance - because that's what they are. I wish I had been born into a world where female perspective is available from the start, not after years of growing up and finding feminist literature and having to re-write my own role in my brain, from all of those years of reading male perspective as the default.

I don't think any little girl should be exposed to literature that shape her world as a place where she doesn't matter. I don't think books written by males and shaped by their worldview should be allowed into children's literature, or teenage or for young adults. Girls should not be learning from fiction that their most important value is empathy and understanding for male problems, and their second, to be desired and/or helpful to them, all while being treated as nothing but service and background noise until you're desired for something. We need to open books and find out that we matter too. That our lives can be the center of our existence, rather than being in the service of someone else's life.

[lethesbeastie]

I'm still in the process of grieving the way the world is ending, but I want to say this: I won't stop creating art. We need it now more than ever, we need art and reasons to smile and live and things to look forward to. I'm going to keep making art, I'm going to try and offer some sort of sanctuary here for those who need it. I'm going to create art until this country kills me. Don't give up. It's going to be hell, but I'll walk with you through it.

[holyjost]

there's this phenomenon i've seen talked about where a product is finally being created for a market that wasn't previously being served, and the first response to it being an expectation of moral perfection, especially when the market in question is marginalized in some way (as women are in general, but especially in the world of sports). the product is held to a higher standard than the counterpart that serves the non-marginalized because people are projecting a sense of morality onto the product that they don't with the counterpart because the counterpart is (wrongfully) seen as neutral or apolitical because it represents the non-marginalized.

i'm not by any means saying everyone should shut up and take what they can get, but the threats of specifically boycotting over things that wouldn't result in any comparable amount of pushback if they happened in the nhl (which can actually afford to withstand a boycott and where changes made by a boycott would have a much bigger impact) is worth examining to me. also i don’t know how productive it is toward making the world a better and more inclusive place. is an approach to punishing one single individual having a net positive benefit when the approach could also harm women's sports at large. sometimes it feels like people just want to have a strong reaction in the moment because it makes them feel like a good person

[daylighteclipsed]

I finished Rebirth! The last leg of the game gave big KH vibes imo (the name of the last chapter (End of the World) is even the name of the last level/world in KH1). But that ending was crazy. Does Cloud, like, know Aerith is dead, or is he so deep in denial that he thinks she’s alive?

[ryebreadedd]

genuinely how are people stupid. everytime i see someone make the same criticism for undertale i lose brain cells

[robinsnest2111]

sorry for disappearing. I promised I wouldn't do that again but it's always the thing I fall back on in desperate times. idk how to stop doing that

I'm just so tired and in pain, I wanna lay down and cry and never get back up again

[knaveofmogadore]

You ever wake up from a dream so fucked that you have to sit there for 10 minutes after waking to rewrite the ending so that you can move on with your day or are you normal

[itspileofgoodthings]

also I had a breakthrough today that I had in fact overthought a Specific Problem to Death and that I had created a monster in my own mind and that’s why it felt like I was being eaten alive every time I tried to solve it.

[whumpshaped]

guys whenever i post a prompt and in the tags u liken the behaviour to someone u know irl...... first of all im sending hugs second of all please let it stay a fantasy why do u think im writing abt it in the first place😭😭😭😭😭

[winterwrites23]

I read a fic the other day that had the 'major character death' tag and in the summary, it also said the character was dying AND YET I was still shocked and devastated when said character died at the end of the story ಥ_ಥ

[ilkkawhat]

no no but really, now that i'm already three drinks in tonight and just feel like sharing, there is just something about the koskela commercials that add to this weird sense of nostalgia when I play aw2, added in with just the general beautiful scenery, listening to the pat maine radio show and hearing filth by national nightmare in that early part of the game...it just makes bright falls feel like home in a way that i never quite expected, esp given that i never played any remedy verse game, let alone alan wake (though like many things i get utterly obsessed with, i was at one time exposed to it i think during the peak of my twin peaks hyperfixation), and to just have that much of a connection to a game i got into literally at the end of november (the 23rd of 2023 to be precise) and maybe it's just because i have been so desperate for an escape and that's what this game gave me and not just that, it has inspired me so much to the point where i'm fucking drawing again--something that i was like traumatically discouraged from at a much too early age--and giffing and making graphics and writing when i swore i never would again...just fuck man. i feel like i have a few "cornerstone" pieces of media that have impacted me on such a highly personal level to the point where they might even change me a little but this....alan wake, remedy-verse, ilkka, all of that is just......something special

[orion-archives]

I'm tired. Of all of this.

Every fucking day feels like the same, yet it gets heavier. Things get worse, nothing gets better and the few things that gave me security, happiness, where I thought I could escape and be free for some moments, are getting corrupted, forgotten, stained forever, never to be the same refuge they once were.

I'm tired of living sometimes. Of existing on this world.

I know how dying feels; it's calming, the darkness eats you and you feel without worries for the first time in your existance. You know it and that frees you.

But I don't want to die. I'm a coward. I want to continue living on this earth just because I think I can do something in the future, something that will fix everything, something that will give a purporse to everything I've done and lived through.

But we all know that is just a lie to make us feel better, don't we?

Because, at the end of all, do we really matter? What can assure us that?

I'm tired. Too tired.

I want to go somewhere else, but there is nowhere to escape. I want to say that I want to go home, go to the park, go to a forest and be happy. But this is something that will haunt me, haunt me forever and everywhere until the end.

Because you can't escape yourself.

I'm tired...

[kittlyns]

Thinking abt that time early last year where things hadn't gotten too bad yet and I was finally feeling comfortable in myself and my relationships and my life wasn't perfect but I was living it. I wasn't stuck in my head. And then things went to shit (again) and I remembered I could daydream my life away. And now here we are. Fallen back into old habits.

[idontevenuse-thissite]

"Killing curse green eyes" is a description that should be reserved for a Harry that is an alarmingly few amount of steps away from using said curse.