#And in an attempt to protect myself... I just didn't want to engage

[theirloveisgross]

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[theaverageptncasualenjoyer]

"We're not even dating." "But you belong to me." Shalom (Fem MBCC intel officer)

An: I'm back 🥳 But, only for a quick while before I have think about the romance department more... 🤢🤮 This'll be angst, jealousy, misunderstandings, lowkey toxic shalom, and suggestive themes, mentions of sex...

It started out as a one night stand, then turned into something more... Honestly, I don't know what came over me, thinking this was a good idea... But, there was no turning back once I caved, and asked for more... I'll always end up waking to no one by my side. Perhaps I enjoy the pain that comes after pleasure, which I shouldn't be. I felt sick, though I never tire of seeking her warmth. She is no saint although I'll gladly become a sinner just for her to look my way. But of course, she'll always look at her damn bodyguard's way... What does she have that I don't? I may be powerless, but I'm the one who's with her at nights like these... For her desire of flesh, I am the one who satiate her needs... Still, I end up losing to a woman who does not engage in such affairs. Shalom had told me once, while I lay underneath her, that her bodyguard has no interest in regards to mindless sex. She once attempted to seduce her, but to no avail, her bodyguard does not indulge. We're not lovers, so why must I feel this way...? It feels so wrong, but at the same time right to possess such feelings... I am fully aware about having no right to behave in a manner. But I can't help it. She disappears in my life, only to come back after weeks or even months without contact. My body has been drained, and my love had diminished. Like a candle lit flame that had been burning for too long, it's flames have extinguished after it's overuse. Perhaps it is time for me to move on. A week after her disappearance, I started working as an intelligence officer at the MBCC. Little did I know that she would soon enter my life again after 4 months of working as an intelligence officer. I moved places, to a new apartment near my workplace. I managed to fix myself, slowly. I don't think about her too much. After all, I ended up having a small crush on Matilda. There was just something about her that had me catching feelings for the sinner, maybe it was that side of hers that only a few had known, her caring nature, her ability to observe others in a way that she is able to tell when a person is troubled, and how she ensures that I am safe and protected. She and I grew closer over the past few months. I saw Shalom and the bodyguard that she would mention during our intimacy... This time, I didn't feel some sort of envy towards her bodyguard. Only contentment as I met eyes with Matilda next to Shalom, walking towards me as I greet her warmly. Shalom didn't like the interaction. My eyes softened, as I went somewhere with Matilda. Shalom couldn't resist asking the chief as to what was my relationship with Matilda, to which the chief responds, "The two of them are close friends. Though, it could be something more." The chief paused, and then continued, "I wouldn't be surprised if they ended up together." The chief concludes with an amused chuckle. Shalom did not appreciate that. I was now currently on break, lounging around in the breakroom. Waiting for coffee to brew. I didn't notice Shalom entering the room, eyes immediately locked onto my figure, as I unknowingly hum and waited for my coffee. She then spoke up, causing me to freeze up, unable to turn around and face her. "So, you and the councilor's niece, huh..." I grimace, not wanting to have this conversation. "...What do you want now, Shalom?" Her eyes narrowed, not liking the way I wasn't interested in a conversation with her at all. "I left for months, and you suddenly have some other woman to play around with?" I didn't like the way she was talking to Matilda like that, so I responded, "Play around? Is that all you think about?" my voiced laced with venom. "Oh, how sweet. Her knight and shining armor had come to defend her. Do you want a reward?" Her tone was sarcastic. I ignored her reply, choosing to focus on getting my coffee instead of entertaining her. That was all I was to her, anyways. A joke. To be played around with. I'm not even surprised at all.

"Don't ignore me, dear." She hissed, approaching me. I quickly grabbed my cup, and side stepped. "..." I walked past her, shocking her as I went outside. Without a word. She quickly catch up to me, grabbing my wrist. "I am not done talking to you." "But I am. Matilda's waiting for me." Her eyes darkened. "Matilda this, Matilda that. When will you quit the charades? You're doing this to make me jealous." I can feel the jealousy on her words, causing me to blink slowly. "...Excuse me? Do you really think I hang out with Matilda just because I want to waste time making you feel that way? Gross." I say, disgusted before pulling my hand away from her grasp. I looked her up and down. "I don't know what's wrong with you, but don't ever talk to me again." I then went ahead. Making shalom clench her coat sleeve... Don't come back to my life suddenly and act all possessive towards me. We're not even lovers, so why act that way? I thought grimly as I met up with Matilda. Matilda was now someone who I trust with my secrets. She knew about me and Shalom, it made her angry and more protective of me whenever Shalom visits the MBCC. Shalom didn't help at all by increasing the tension, taunting Matilda; She paid no mind to the bait that Shalom obviously presented to her. She grew more and more jealous at the relationship between me and Matilda, without knowing that me and her were just friends. I realized that Matilda felt more of a sister to me, rather than someone who I like in a romantic way, Matilda expressed the same feeling as well. One night, Shalom couldn't take it anymore. She had enough of seeing my closeness with Matilda. The lingering stares, touches, and the secrecy of words being whispered to one another's ear had plagued Shalom's mind all day. She had to stop this madness before her mania level will consume her... Meanwhile, I was busy in my office trying to connect the dots about the incident earlier that had happened outside of the MBCC's building. I heard the door swung open, and had expected it to be the chief. I was wrong. It was Shalom. After seeing who it was, I closed my eyes and heaved a deep sigh. I didn't want to deal with her, but I have to. It must be something important. "Do you require assistance, miss Shalom?" My voice held a professional tone to it, as I paused reading the files. "No, but I have something that I wanted to talk about." Making me nod stiffly. "...Alright." I looked at her with nothingness, making her feel... Odd about the look. "...Do you feel nothing towards me now?" She starts, as she met my gaze with a hint of sadness. "...Hm." I answered it vaguely, unable to comprehend why the question all of the sudden. She sits on my desk, papers long forgotten as she made herself comfortable. "What happened to the nights that we once shared together? Do you not miss it?" It took me a while to process it. "I mean... It's been months. I've been busy, you're busy as well." Her hand made its way to my chin, cupping it. "Don't you... Miss me?" Her voice, velvety, it almost made me shiver, if not for the fact that I just felt uncomfortable right now. "Um, not really?" My voice was uncertain, unable to determine if I indeed missed her at all. Making her frown. "What does Matilda have that I don't? Why is she so special to you?" Making me confused. Is she saying that Matilda is my girlfriend...? A baffled look made its way to my face, making her question me. "...You did not think I would notice, didn't you." As if stating a fact. I awkwardly replied, "We're close friends..." Her eyes had soften for a bit, but then narrowed. "You're kidding. You are together." "We're not." I state calmly. "I've seen the way you look at her. It's unnerving."

A shadow had crowded over Shalom's eyes. I sighed, explaining further about my relationship with Matilda. After explaining it for a bit, she seemed to have lighten up. "There. Now, do you get it?" She nods. "Yes. Now, I can do this..." She suddenly grabbed my collar and pulled me towards her. Making the space nonexistent between us. My breath hitched, heat immediately crept up to my face. Shalom took notice. "Ah, there it is. How I've missed that look." She cooed, making me jerk backwards and her grip loosening due to the sudden reaction. "Don't do this to me, Shalom." I hissed, upset at her actions. She then looked hurt. "What's wrong? Do you not perhaps want to continue our relationship?" I swiftly got out of my desk and made my way to the door. "Oh, no. I am not about to enter in that relationship again. I'm leaving." Her hand had grasped my wrist that was already twisting the door knob, in swift movement. "Tell me, what's wrong..." "Everything is! This whole thing started as an accident and ended with an MISTAKE! Shalom, god... I don't know how you are able to do this with a straight face, but I can't do this anymore. I want out." She then glared at me and responded. "It wasn't a mistake, tell me you didn't just say that now." Making me more irritable at the response. "What? Do you want me to pretend that it wasn't? Because it was! So stop!" She then cupped my face. "It wasn't to me. It might've started that way, but I ended up falling for you." Making me look at her in shock. "No, you're only saying that because you just want the sex." I hated sounding like I was hurt over this, when I know damn well when it was supposed to be that way anyways. "Why does it matter to you so much?" I sound distressed, pushing her away from me with much force. "We're not even dating." Shalom's next actions and words had caught me off guard. "But you belong to me." Her hand found it's way to my waist, pulling me towards her body once more. "Can't you see, that I feel strongly about you dear?" Her voice murmured against my collarbone. Teeth nipping at it, as I fail to conceal my voice. "I don't want anyone else but me to be near you, to have you, and to love you this way..." She possessively said, cupping my cheek with her free hand and tracing her thumb on my face, rubbing circles. "I'm obsessed with you, the reason why I am not able to return right away... Was because of how addicted I was from your warmth. It wasn't just the sex. I promise..." She soothes me by sucking on my neck, leaving a trail of marks as she worked her way up to my lips. "I love you. I want you to be mine, to belong to me... Darling." She whispered in my lips. I let her devour me. Whole. "You're mine. I don't intend to share you or settle for second best. No one compares to you." She declared. I whimpered. "What about your bodyguard? Didn't you lust for her as well...?" She smirks, unzipping my skirt and tracing my underwear. "Oh, her? I only said that to make you jealous. I wanted you to act possessive of me. But it backfired." She explained, but not before harshly tugging down my skirt, tearing off my blouse. "All of these... Are for my eyes only. I regret teasing you. Allow me to make up for it..." She then harshly palmed my breast while my bra was on. Her fingers danced around my inner thigh...

[auraworkshop]

MY STORY OF SUCCESSFULY CONQUERING THE VOID STATE

Trigger warning: Sexual abuse, trauma etc.

I was raised in a loving and nurturing household. My childhood was hunky-dory and I remember myself as a bright and happy child, frolicking around in a carefree environment. I was pampered by a set of very loving and supportive parents. Alas, my protected bubble shattered, when at the age of 11, I went through sexual abuse and my life changed. The incident led to repressed anxiety, depression, and lingering PTSD for almost a decade.

I was sexually abused at the age of 11

Considering I was just 11-years-old when the heinous incident took place, I was too young to register the gravity or impact of such a crime. Revisiting the incident is still very painful. It happened about nine years ago, at an outstation wedding. I was sleeping alone in a hotel room, when the abuser entered my room and forced himself upon me. I remember distinctly how dark the room was. I was in a deep slumber and didn't realize that someone other than me was in the room as well. I wasn't able to respond or react, as I couldn't escape or stop the person. I was left in pain.

While I did inform my parents immediately, for some reason, the abuse and its record got shushed. My parents didn't want it to be made public or for it to harm my image in the society. Their response towards my trauma festered as a scar in the coming years.Living with depression, anxiety and PTSD As much as I tried to move on from that horrendous night, it kept coming back to me.

Unfortunately, I was too young to repair the damage. I began to feel lethargic and fatigued all the time. Something as small as brushing my teeth became a laborious task. I withdrew from merrymaking, public engagements, and activities that I had found joy in earlier. I failed to find any joy in life anymore.

I made many attempts. I think they started as a result of feeling unhappy with myself. All the failed attempts were a call for help and desperation. I felt helpless and alone and I couldn't dare to face the demon. I began to get triggered by even the mere mention of weddings. I think, my parents untimely and apathetic response to my suffering was the nail in the coffin-I lost trust in anybody whom I considered close. The replaying of the incident, over and over again, left my conscious and spirit bruised and broken. I became quiet and reclusive. This was when my life slowly started to change, as I found out about law of assumption and then the void state. After knowing that I can change my life completely through the void I tried every single night till yesterday to enter the void state at any cost. I was so desperate to get in. I slapped myself every night to enter otherwise my life would never change and I'll also be miserable. I did everything that can be done but still I saw no progress. I slowly started to get super jealous of other people's success stories. Everytime I saw a new void success story here on Tumblr, I would cry so hard and isolate myself. Yeah :) I was so Harsh on myself.

But, Then I found out about you and your subliminals and then about your paid custom subliminal and how magically they work, and yeah I was a bit hesitant to pay you for the subliminal as I got scammed by people so many times but all those success people got from using your subliminal boosted my motivation and trust in you! and see, my money was worth it!!

I listened to that sub on loop for 3 hours for 4 days continuously and the night of the 4th day I ended up in the void. It was instant and so effortless, it all happened so effortlessly. I never thought I would enter like this after beating, slapping, and isolating myself to enter.

Thankyou for helping me, thankyou for the hardwork you put in your subliminals, thankyou for your sweet and motivating words ♡

Bye to Tumblr, all my fav bloggers, anons and Aura.

Signing off...

Wow! You did a great job my girl, Your success story is truly a GEM.

Sorry for everything you went through, I LOVE YOU <3

And Thankyou so much for taking your time and writing this beautiful success story to all of us 🤍

[olderthannetfic]

RE: porn addiction discussion:

I've seen a lot of both breakups and divorces over that very thing in the past decade, Imo I don't think its reasonable to expect everyone who has seen a dissolving in their relationship due to the excessive pornography usage of one partner partner to just suck it up and get used to liking porn themselves, accept watching porn together as a replacement for their sex life, otherwise /they/ must be some non-communicative creep who just wants to use their partner like a dildo.

More and more chicks get pressured by guys into doing that. Or like the other asker said, acting out things from porn that they dont wanna do, and regret it/dont enjoy it. I think its less about ~protecting pristine sacred christian piv~ and more of an acknowledgement that its not realistic to expect the majority of sexual relationships to be able to healthily function like that as long as theres 'communication'.

Communication isn't the end all be all when there's only one clear party that this scenario benefits. The person with the broken dick. To promote the idea that they should, can and is be used against people who don't want that for themselves or their relationship, under the guise that if their boundaries are firm they must be some flavor of "sex negative/christian/radfem/prude"

There's nuance to the topic. People with the same level of porn usage can be happy together, engage in their kinks mutually, all that jazz. But there are also an increasing number of relationships where a dude uses porn and sex-positive language to pressure chicks into doing things they dont want to, having the kind of sex life that they dont want to, which becomes a slippery slope. Or a dude gets so into porn that hes leaving it open on his computer for their kids to see in an exhibitionist sort of way, completely disregarding welfare.

And I don't mean that as any sort of hyperbole or rhetoric, that example happened with my own Dad. Lemme tell you, your father leaving open pages and pages of anorexic amputee torture porn on the family computer that you, as an 8 year old girl, have to rush to close before your younger siblings come in the door after you home from school, will have an impact on both that relationship and ones level of comfort with porn longterm.

And even then, I still got into relationship after relationship once I was old enough, where guys were constantly wanting to replace sex with watching porn with them, and when we did have sex they always wanted to 'try something they saw' rather than just have fun doing something mutually enjoyable and intuitive. Partners sneaking off at my 15 year old sisters birthday party to jack off to 'teen porn' in the bathroom, leaving home for work early just to jack off in a gas station parking lot for 2 hours, watching porn in bed next to me when I have to get up for work soon, being unable to maintain an erection without porn-related stimuli (be it watching or scenarios), spiraling into cheating, etc. Years and years of sex positivity, attempts at understanding, experimenting, and accommodating, and communication on my end didn't help, until that communication was "I can't keep trying to salvage this by myself anymore, I'd be happier alone."

Not everyone is going to be down with it, or should push themselves to be, and not all reasons for not wanting that for your own sex life are rooted in some Christian or Radfem rhetoric. Lived experience plays a role in such stances. Strong boundaries can be hard to build when there's pressure in both the bedroom and outside world that the ones you have are 'wrong', but it's worth it to stand up for ones own comfort, security, and happiness rather than endlessly accommodating.

Personally, I'm overjoyed to have now found a longterm relationship now where the furthest extent of that either partner engages with is fanfic and lewd art. I wish everyone the same luck in finding a partner that has compatible desires.

--

~broken dick~

Oh please.

This kind of discussion is obsessed with "porn" meaning mainstream live action porn aimed at straight guys and with the kind of dumbass men who think that stuff is a model to emulate. In reality, there are shittons of types of porn. People who pressure their partners suck regardless of why.

These experiences sound shitty, but I'm still rolling my eyes at this spin.

[cosmicjoke]

I swear to god, if I see one more person say Levi wanted to kill Zeke for "revenge" and blubber on about how revenge "blinded" him and that's why he got caught in the thunderspear explosion, I think I'll throw myself off a cliff.

It had nothing to do with revenge, or a desire for self-satisfaction. It was an entirely selfless pursuit, undertaken in the memory and in honor of his fallen comrades, the ones who gave their lives that day in Shinganshina. I've been over this so many times, I'm not going to go over it again in detail here. But anyone who doesn't yet understand that is, I'm sorry, fundamentally flawed in their understanding of Levi's character. This isn't an interpretation. Levi explicitly states that the reason he wants to kill Zeke is to prove his comrades deaths had meaning. He says it. Not only is the idea that Levi wanted Zeke dead for revenge and that he was "blinded" by that desire fundamentally flawed in its understanding of Levi's character, it also completely lacks logic. If Levi was really "blinded" by a quest for revenge, he would have just killed Zeke at the first opportunity he had, regardless of the consequences. He would have killed him in Shinganshina. He would have killed him in Liberio. He would have killed him in the forest. And yet, he didn't, specifically because he wasn't blinded by his need to kill Zeke at all. He had a calm and rational mind about it the entire time, one he continued to exercise to the very end.

And this idea that Levi getting caught in the thunderspear explosion was some sort of "comeuppance" for his violence or his blind desire for Zeke's blood is equally illogical and absurd, and again, completely misunderstands the source of Levi's rage in that moment. Anyone who claims so is engaging in some serious, holier than thou moralizing. Levi torturing Zeke in the cart on the way back to the Capital had nothing to do with his vow to kill him. Levi was grieving, and in a massive amount of emotional distress, because Zeke had just forced him to kill nearly 30 of his own comrades. Men and women Levi had, as with all his comrades, sworn to protect and people for whom he was directly responsible. People that posit this idea that Levi somehow deserved to "pay" for his anger in this moment are essentially claiming that it's always "wrong" to hate or be angry at someone when they've brutally wronged you. That we're always supposed to be "the bigger person" and "forgive" them and "turn the other cheek" and all that moralistic bullshit, and if you don't, then you deserve every bad thing that comes your way. Get the fuck out of here. Levi had EVERY right to be as angry as he was in that moment, and I'm sorry, but anyone who denies him that right is an asshole, and a hypocrite, because there's no such thing as anyone who wouldn't have been viciously, violently angry at someone who had just forced you into slaughtering your own friends and colleagues. Taken especially within the context of who Levi is, with the understanding of how driven he is by the need to protect life and help people, with how much value he places on people's lives, it puts into perspective just exactly how cruel it was what Zeke did to him. How exactly was Levi meant to react? Are we meant to judge him for being as angry as he was? For resorting to violence? Is anyone really going to sit here with a straight face and claim that they wouldn't have felt and done exactly the same in his shoes? I don't buy that for a minute. Most people wouldn't have even possessed Levi's level of restraint. They would have simply killed Zeke, and to hell with the consequences.

Further, Levi's very words to Hange about not understanding how prepared Zeke was to die show that he wasn't purely fueled by anger either, in this moment. It was a rational choice on his part to hook Zeke up to that thunderspear, insurance against his attempted escape, because he believed Zeke wasn't prepared to die, something I've talked about before, here: https://www.tumblr.com/cosmicjoke/746918499422781440/one-thing-i-dont-think-people-really-consider?source=share

Further still, if Isayama had intended for Levi’s desire to kill Zeke to be interpreted as revenge, and all the negative connotations of that, he would have had Levi realize the foolishness of his actions immediately after nearly being blown to Kingdom Come, and shown him remorseful and regretful in that moment over wanting Zeke dead, since, supposedly, him nearly dying was meant to be his lesson and punishment in the foolhardiness of revenge’s pursuit, according to these people. Yet Levi showed no such remorse or regret for wanting Zeke dead, only for him not understanding Zeke’s willingness to die. And Isayama himself wouldn’t have spoken about one of the reasons he didn’t kill Levi being how Levi’s journey wouldn’t be complete without him fulfilling his vow. Levi’s desire to kill Zeke was never framed in a negative light for a reason.

This total misinterpretation of Levi's motives with regard to Zeke is the source of so many of the negative and hateful views about his character that we see floating around, and yet it's continually perpetuated by people, over and over again, and I'm sick of it.

Levi never wanted revenge. He only ever wanted to ensure his comrades didn't die for nothing. It was a noble goal. Revenge isn't noble. But wanting to honor your friends and comrades memories and lives is. Levi never deserved to be punished for that, and honestly, fuck you to anyone who says he did. It takes a particular and acute lack of self-awareness and arrogance for anyone to make such a sickening and cruel claim.

[the-broken-truth]

Your Highness - Jamil Viper [Female Yuu] [Heiress Yuu] [Smug Jamil?] [Part 1]

Summary: Jamil discovers that his girlfriend is actually a Crowned Heiress who plans on marrying him in the future. To prepare Jamil for his upcoming life as a future king, Yuu provides him with an entourage of servants and guards who cater to his every need. Oh, it's time for Jamil to shine.

Note: Yuu is from Twisted Wonderland but was transported to Night Raven College due to her Unique Magic: Kneel Before Me.

"Forgive me, My Diamond, but I think that I have misheard what you said. Could you please repeat what you just said?" Jamil asked as he looked at his girlfriend, Yuu [L/N], The Prefect of Ramshackle, sitting across from him in Scarabia's Lounge; the two of them were playing Mancala when Yuu opened her mouth and revealed a secret that she had been keeping from Jamil and all her friends since arriving at Night Raven College.

"I have a confession to make. I am actually a royal heiress and the crowned princess of a small but lavish nation - next in line for the throne, however, I do not desire to rule my kingdom alone. Jamil Viper, I love you and cannot imagine myself with anybody else. I want to get engaged to you, and we can marry after I graduate from Night Raven. You can come to my kingdom with the rest of the Viper family, and we can all live like royalty."" Yuu explained with a hopeful smile as she looked up from the Mancala Board - she and Jamil tied in score at the moment.

Jamil Viper was an intelligent person who had the ability to detect a liar with a simple glance into someone's eyes. As Kalim's Protector, it was important for him to have knowledge in these areas. He trusted Yuu completely and knew that she would never lie to him. After his Overblot and Attempted Coup of Scarabia, she refused to turn her back to him before giving him her heart when their friendship became more in her eyes, and he reciprocated. They had been called 'The Hottest Couple' since they started dating months ago. Jamil was smart and athletic, while Yuu was charismatic and persuasive. They were both dedicated to each other and their goals. Together, they were a force to be reckoned with, and they didn't even need to use their Unique Magics to succeed in life.

Jamil always knew that Yuu was more than what she presented herself to be...and now he knew why: She was a crowned heiress and concealed this fact to protect herself from the vultures that would want to sink their talons into her family's name & riches.

"My Diamond... You are an Heiress, next in line for your family's throne, and you want...me to rule beside you? Me - a lowly servant?" Jamil questioned his romantic partner, who scowled at him when she heard him call himself a 'lowly servant'.

"My Viper, you are not a 'lowly servant' and I shall not allow you to call yourself as such!" Yuu barked before exhaling to calm herself down, "I am sick of the suffering you and your family have gone through and I shall not allow it to go on; the Viper Family will be free and elevated to the Royal Status while we are testing the waters with our engagement...if you accept my proposal." Yuu smiled at Jamil.

Jamil was silent for a moment before smiling at her, "I would love to marry you, My Diamond; you have seen me as no other has and I would never leave you. I will marry you, Yuu [L/N]."

"Perfect!" With that, Yuu lifted her hand and snapped her fingers, causing 5 Servants to enter the room dressed in fine suits - one of them carrying a silver platter with 2 ring boxes on it.

"Your Highness [L/N], has he agreed to your proposal?" The servant holding the ring boxes asked with a smile on his face.

"Yes! Please, present the rings." Yuu asked.

The servant with the platter kneeled between Yuu and Jamil before bowing his head and holding out the ring boxes while another servant opened the box with gloved hands, revealing 2 Golden Rings with Rubies in the shape of the [L/N] Royal Crest.

"Jamil, these are our engagement rings, as well as your Badge of Authority; accepting this ring will state that you agree to marry me upon graduation and will become Future King of the [Kingdom Name] Kingdom, your power would be on par with my own, but just a tad bit weaker since I am a blood heiress. Will you accept, My Viper?" Yuu asked as she held her left hand out.

Jamil moved without thinking and took hold of Yuu's hand while the other hand removed the Female Engagement Ring out of the box and slid the ring onto Yuu's ring finger, "With this ring, I swear to love you and never betray you, My Diamond."

Yuu smiled at her ring before grabbing the Male Engagement Ring, grabbed Jamil's Left Hand, and placed the ring on Jamil's Ring Finger, "With this ring, I swear to love and never betray you, My Viper.".

Jamil and Yuu smiled at each other before Jamil placed his hands on Yuu's cheeks and kissed her in front of the servants and the full moon.

"SINCE WHEN WERE YOU ENGAGED?!" The voice of Jamil's Younger Sister, Najma Viper, yelled through the phone the moment her brother answered the phone the following morning after Yuu and himself exchanged rings. Najma called him the next morning while he was getting ready for school and making breakfast when his sister called him in hysterics.

"Good morning to you, too. How did you find out I was engaged? That happened just last night." Jamil asked.

"Baba got a call from someone calling themselves the 'Royal Advisor of the [L/N] Family from the [Kingdom Name] Kingdom. He said that he was going to speak to Mr. Asim about releasing our family from our servitude. I thought he was pulling our legs until I happened to be walking by Mr. Asim's Office and heard him on the phone with the same person, they were talking about the terms and conditions for our freedom. I listened in for a while before I heard the advisor say that he was going to arrive later on in the week with the agreed-upon price and the contract. Your Fiancee is getting us free?! Just what the hell is going on, Jamil?!" Najma questioned her older brother.

Jamil was silent for a while, thinking to himself, 'They have already contacted the Asim Family to free us? Just how long has My Diamond been planning this to move so quickly?'

"Listen, I have to get ready for classes; you and our parents are coming to visit me this weekend, I'll explain everything then and you can meet my future wife." Jamil answered.

"Fine. If anything happens, I'll call you. Just keep this in mind - if you do anything to anger my Future Sister-In-Law, I will have your head, Brother." Najma hissed.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Jamil smiled before hanging up his phone and walking out of his room to go make breakfast for the Scarabia Dorm before classes started.

Welll....

He wasn't expecting this.

Jamil entered Scarabia's Dining Hall (It was connected to the kitchen and needed to cross it to get into the kitchen) and looked wide-eyed to see the Students of Scarabia & Kalim dining on a buffet of breakfast foods; everyone was talking about Jamil's Engagement when Jamil noticed the Servant and Guard stand close to Kalim; did Yuu hire a personal servant and guard to tend to Kalim for him?

"Your Highness." A Servant walked over to Jamil and bowed to him before standing straight with his hand behind his back, "Breakfast was prepared by trained chefs, and, considering your job as Heir Kalim's Personal Taste Tester, we took it upon ourselves to call upon one of the [L/N] Family's Testers to ensure none of Heir Kalim's Food would be poisoned. Also, your chores are being tended to by the other servants. Your personal servant and guard are waiting for you to attend your classes."

Jamil blinked for a while when the realization started to sink in: His family was about to be free, he no longer had to cook, he no longer had to clean, he didn't 'have' to protect or tend to Kalim... He was going to be a Royal in a few years but out of everything he realized, the first thing he said was...

"I have servants?"

The students in the hall made way as Jamil walked through with a smile on his face as his servant walked to his right with Jamil's books in his hands, and the Royal Guard walked at Jamil's left while keeping an eye out for any kind of danger against His Highness Jamil; what's more ironic was that the Royal Guard was a Lion Beastman. If Leona saw him now...

"Oi, Serpent! What the hell is going on?!"

Speaking of the Lazy Devil.

Jamil turned on his heel and came face to face with Leona Kingscholar standing there with a scowl on his face; Jamil's smirk never left his face.

"Is there something I can help you with, Kingscholar?" Jamil asked.

"Yeah, tell me what the hell is going on with all this talk about you and the Herbivore being engaged and you're suddenly a royal about to be King? What kind of joke is this?" Leona demanded to know.

"It's not a joke, Mr. Kingscolar." The Servant spoke, "His Highness Jamil shall be next in line to be King of the [Kingdom Name] Kingdom once he and Princess Yuu wed at the end of their graduation."

"Princess?! That Herbivore is a Princess?!" Leona roared.

"She is not just any princess, she is The Crowned Princess. My Diamond has informed me that she is the eldest in the Royal Line of the [L/N] Family. She has two younger brothers who are second and third in line to the throne, but they have decided to become Dukes of their own lands. Yuu and I will be getting married, and I will ascend to the throne, becoming a King." Jamil explained with a smirk on his face.

"That Herbivore...is royalty?! AND A SERVANT LIKE YOU IS BECOMING KING?!" Leona roared at Jamil before attempting to march at him but the Lion Beastman got in between Jamil and Leona with his hand on Leona's chest.

"Keep your distance away from His Highness." The Lion Beastman Guard warned, glaring at Leona with golden eyes. Leona and the Royal Guard glared at each other while the Servant, Issac, leaned towards Jamil.

"Your Highness, we really should continue on our way or you shall be late for your classes." He said.

"Of course." Jamil said before snapping his fingers to get the Lion Beastman's Attention, "Leonardo, we need to get moving."

"At once, Your Highness." The Lion Guard - Leonardo - removed his hand from Leona's Chest and kept his eyes on him before walking down the hall to reach Jamil, leaving a very stunned and furious Leona behind.

"Hey! Sea Snake!" Floyd called out to Jamil during Basketball Practice as Jamil shot a ball into the basket and got nothing but net as he turned away from the net and turned to face Floyd as he and Ace walked over to him.

"What do you want, Leech?" Jamil asked as his servant walked over to him with a bottle of water and a fresh towel to wipe the sweat from his face; Jamil wiped his sweat before thanking the servant and taking the water bottle before the servant went back to the side of the court.

"Just what the hell is going on with You and Shrimpy? I heard you're getting married to Shrimpy?!" Floyd asked.

"I heard something like that too, Jamil-senpai; is it true?" Ace asked.

"Yes, Ace. Yuu and I are engaged to be married." Jamil said.

"And those guys?" Ace pointed at Leonardo and Issac standing on the edge of the court.

"My Servant and Guard - Leonardo and Issac." Jamil answered, drinking some water.

"Whoa... You really are going to be a King." Ace said upon laying his eyes on Jamil's Ring.

Jamil smirked along the rim of his bottle, "Indeed, I am."

"Welcome back, Your Highness." The Head Servant greeted with a power of her head to Jamil as he walked into Scarabia's Dorm. Jamil looked around Scarabia to see everyone was doing their own thing but Scarabia was spotless and the servants were standing by, waiting for Jamil's Next Order.

"What's the status of Scarabia?" Jamil asked as if everything had always been like this.

"The Chefs are cooking dinner as we speak, The Royal Tutor is aiding Heir Kalim with his studies, and Scarabia is clean; the Treasury Report is waiting for you in your room. Also, Princess Yuu wanted me to ask you to come to Ramshackle when you had a moment to yourself." The Head Servant said.

"Good. I am going to see My Diamond. If anything goes wrong, call me at once, please." Jamil said while turning back to the door as the servant bowed.

"Your Wish is our Will, Your Highness." The Head Servant said just as Jamil closed the door and looked at his ring for a moment.

'My Wish is their will?' Jamil smiled and kissed the surface of his ring when Yuu's smile came to his mind, "Thank you, My Diamond. You have given me so much...and I shall give you all that I can." Jamil proclaimed as he walked towards the Mirror to get to Ramshackle - His diamond came first.

[END]

[gayf1hoe]

Part 11

“Y/N I have something to tell you” he says, his left eye clearly twitching a little. 

“Sure what is it?” I question. 

“Well it's just over the past two weeks I have really enjoyed getting to know you and I think I have developed strong feelings for you” 

I'm taken aback by his declaration, it's not that I don't feel the same way, it's the fact I don't know how I feel. I'm just starting to free myself from the stress and constraints of dating Max. I don't think I'm ready to even think about dating another driver. Plus Ollie would go mad if I started dating his friend, it would ruin his and Kimi's friendship as Ollie feels a sense of duty to protect me from everyone I have ever dated. 

“Kimi I have feelings for you too but I'm only getting over Max and I don't want to rush into anything prematurely” 

“It's fine, I understand it will take time,” he says. 

I'm kind of shocked as to how well he has taken the rejection, well it's not really a rejection it's more of a “keep that thought for later on”. I pull out my phone and put on a Netflix show and we sit by the lake engrossed on the screen. With the sounds of the occasional bird and grasshopper chirping echoing around the lake. As it's not that far from the motorhomes I can still hear some of the drivers and then I hear an obnoxiously loud females laugh and I'm not one to be egotistical but I know every driver's girlfriend's laugh but this is one I don't recognise until I look up and see Kelly and Max engaged in a water fight around 15 feet from me and Kimi abruptly disrupting the tranquillity. 

“Let's go back” I suggest. 

“No,” Kimi says, grabbing my arm as I stand about to get up. 

“He's trying to make you jealous and antagonise you. He has all that space behind his own motorhome but decides to do that infront of you it's just a ploy to upset you, don't let him get to you” 

I sigh, easing up and sitting back down before turning up the volume on my phone in an attempt to drown out the obnoxiously loud laughter from behind us that is ringing in my ears. It's at times like these I wish Ollie was here and not Kimi because by now he would have gone up to Max and insulted him a few times and we would have left, not having to endure the pain of hearing them two kissing passionately. When we broke up and Ollie found out he sent a text to Max saying:

“Stay away from my friend you Sid the sloth looking dick”

Needless to say Max didn't reply and Ollie didn't need to do that but for some reason he feels it's his duty to protect me despite me being older than him. He's like a parent away from home. Constantly checking up on me and trying to shield me from the real world despite me being a fully grown and independent adult, although many would disagree with the second point. 

After a while the sun has really set and the breeze is starting to pick up so I suggest heading back. On our way back the ground beneath us still soaking from Max and Kelly throwing water at each other, providing yet another reminder of their presence outside my head as well as inside it. 

As we approach my door I see a letter on the floor and pick it up before Kimi notices, my delusional brain thinking it would be a love letter or something from Max, him apologising and saying he made a mistake but then I remember there are 2 things on earth Max Emilian Verstappen has never done and that'd apologise and admit he was the one in the wrong. 

As I pull the paper out of the envelope I see the VCARB logo and see that it's just my copy of the contract for next year. I kind of forgot I told Laurent to drop it by today. 

“What's that?” Kimi questions. 

“It's my VCARB contract for next year” I say, shoving the paper back in the envelope, it only has the typical Red Bull family performance clauses like “you must finish the year no more than 5 places less than your teammate” and how many points I should be scoring over the course of the weekend. 

“Do you want to go out tomorrow? He proposes. 

“Sure, where do you want to go?” I ask.

“Well I actually saw a flyer today for skydiving” 

“Absolutely not,” I shout. 

“Come on, it will be fun,” he pleads. 

“There is nothing fun or appealing about jumping from a plane by yourself”

“You aren't by yourself you will be strapped to an instructor” 

“Male instructors?” I have a question. 

“If you want” 

“Say less I'm in” 

The next day I am stood in a plane thousands of feet up in the air and now I'm really starting to regret saying yes to this. It's not that I'm afraid of heights. I think it's very reasonable to be scared of jumping out of a plane and having your life depend on a sheet of fabric to stop you from plumbing to earth and dying. The instructor said that nothing ever goes wrong but the videos I watched on YouTube last night and this morning say otherwise. 

Kimi of course goes first because this was his idea so if anyone should get hurt it should be him. After this goes well it's my turn. It takes me 5 minutes just to crawl to the open door and when I look down I can just feel my stomach sink. We swing our legs over the side of the aircraft and move to sit on the edge of the floor, the instructor counts us down and as he says “1” I tense up my muscles and close my eyes. It seems like an eternity of weightless drifting through the sky before the ground comes into clear view and I've never been so happy to see a patch of dead grass. 

When we land I take a moment to just lay on the ground and become more appreciative of it. Kimi however asks me if I want to go again. 

“I would rather sign a contract with Alpine than jump out of a plane again” 

We take off all the gear and walk back to the car, well I attempt to walk as my legs feel like jelly and I can't walk in a straight line.

“So what do you want to do now?” Kimi says, fastening his seatbelt.

“I want to sit down for at least a few hours” 

“It wasn't that bad, you're overreacting” 

“Did we not do the same thing because last time I checked we jumped out of a plane thousands of feet up in the air.” 

Ollie texts both of us asking if we can go out and do something together so we agree to meet up and go to a karting track although my legs still don't feel very strong so I don't have high hopes. 

Ollie Is waiting for us when we get there and he looks pissed because we are late but the traffic is not our fault. 

“I don't want to know why you two are so late” Ollie says in a suggestive tone indicative of something other than the real reason. 

“Calm your tits Ollie there was traffic, if this wasn't last minute we would have been here on time”

“It's fine we have got the track for an hour anyway” 

We choose our karts and get changed into our race suits and helmets and head to the start line. We chose our  starting position by doing rock paper scissors and obviously I won with Kimi being P2 and Ollie P3. Ollie of course wasn't very happy but I said it will be a very realistic race for him not starting on pole. 

Immediately as we get underway I am spun by Ollie who does a dive bomb into the first turn so when I catch up to him I return the favour and push him wide but our fighting allows Kimi to capitalise and take the lead but I let him have a false sense of security until the last lap. As I pass him I maintain eye contact with him and watch his face change when he realises he hasn't won. 

“That's not fair, I want to go again. He distracted me by looking into my eyes with his amazing eyes,” Kimi complains. 

“Mate, that's my best friend, don't talk about him like that, it's disgusting”.

Ollie's comment definitely takes Kimi aback a little but he soon realises that Ollie was just joking and didn't actually mean it so he eases up. 

“You know if you two are dating you can tell me I'm not going to kill him” 

“Ollie I can reassure you we are not dating yet”

“Yet?” Kimi and Ollie say in unison.

“Well you can never tell the future and Kimi is rather good looking”

“Stop right there Y/N you are going to make me be sick” Ollie says fake gagging a little whilst Kimi’s face flushes fully red. 

After dropping Ollie off me and Kimi head to a park that's nearby to watch the sunset. It's quiet and beautiful. I watch Kimi's face increasing in engrossment. 

“Kimi” I say breaking the silence causing him to turn his face towards me. 

“I've been thinking and I would like to give us a go” 

“Are you serious?” He exclaims. 

“More than ever”

He immediately lunges onto me wrapping his arms around my torso slightly restricting my breathing before placing a delicate kiss on my lips.

“I promise I won't be a dickhead like Max”

“I know you won't because Ollie would make your life hell” 

We decide to take a photo of us in front of the sunset and post it on Instagram and immediately the comments start flooding in. 

“They are definitely dating”

“Kimi Is way better than Max”

“So did Max not matter at all to him for him to move on so quickly” 

“Some of you seem to forget Max is literally dating Kelly so I have no idea why you are coming for Y/N” 

Then Ollie phones us shouting down the other end “Kimi if you hurt my friend I will put you in a box in fact worse I will sabotage your car on a race day”. 

With the Spanish Grand Prix rapidly approaching I can't help but feel glad that the triple header is coming to a close it certainly has been a long few weeks of endless meetings, mistakes and interviews and I can't wait to have a weeks break and then come back and do it all again, but me and Ollie are going to Italy during the off week and i'm sure I can convince him to let Kimi tag along as well.

The entire paddock is pretty much packed up with just the motorhomes being left behind but even some of them have been moved along with most of the drivers. Sauber is leaving tomorrow, but the great thing about having a motorhome is that I don't have to pack up any of my stuff. I can just leave it where it is, and hope none of it falls out of the cupboards during transportation. 

When Kimi and I approach the door we can see Max stumbling around obviously drunk, which has become a reoccuring theme for him lately. Anyone would have thought he was miserable in his new relationship with Kelly, but that's not my problem. He sees me holding hands with Kimi and immediately approaches us. As he gets closer the stench of alcohol and sweat increases and when he speaks the pungent smell of alcohol radiates from his breath.

“Well what’s going on here” he says practically shouting for all the remaining drivers to hear. 

“Go to bed Max you are drunk”

“See Kimi he still cares about me” 

“No, I don’t, its just annoying having a dick stand outside your door and harass you” 

“You know what your problem is Y/N?” 

“I really don't, do enlighten me Max”

“You still love me because if this is anyone else you would have told them to fuck off by now but you havent”

I turn around and enter the motorhome leaving Max to endure the stench of alcohol by himself. When we enter the motorhome Kimi just gives me a slight smile and I walk off into the bathroom dowsing my face with cold water to bring me out of this nightmare that is my life.

At some point in the night I hear a lightly tapping against the thin metal sheets of the motorhome and assume its a branch from one of the overhanging trees swaying the wind, but it gets louder and turns into a loud knocking sound and somehow kimi is still fast asleep so I can't help but wonder how this man would act if someone was breaking in. I get out of the bed and go outside which goes against everyone's natural instinct because who goes outside when it's dark, windy and there is a strange sound. It's like the start of every horror movie to exist.  When I do eventually pluck up enough courage to go to the place where I heard the sound I soon realise its max throwing little rocks against the side.

“What the actual fuck are you doing?” I exclaim, trying not to raise my voice above a whisper. 

“Throwing stones”

“Yeah no shit Sherlock I can see that but why?”

“To get your attention”

I look around into the 3 AM darkness and look down at myself only wearing a baggy t-shirt and underwear and say “well it worked, What do you want?”

“This” he declares.

Before I can even question what “this” is he makes our lips collide and he wraps his arms around my waist and begins to pull me closer into him. The stench of alcohol from earlier has reduced, indicative of him sobering up a little. I feel the urge to pull away but my body isnt letting me. He begins to bite my lip a little causing me to groan and he seems to find ecstasy in my pain. He then moves down to the neck , biting at it whilst his hands simultaneously play with my underwear's elasticated band and that's what causes me to push him off. 

“Max I can't do this im sorry”

I then run off back into the motorhome and get back into the bed like nothing ever happened and pray that that's the last time I fall victim to Max Verstappen's charms and upfront nature. 

The Spanish Grand Prix has always been one of my favourites but that might have something to do with the fact that Fernando Alonso is my racing idol and the fact I dedicated my childhood to supporting him and attending every race I could to see him, so it's a great honour to race against my hero at his home race but it doesn't mean I'm going to go any easier on him. 

During the press conference it's me, Alex and Max and I'm in the middle of the two. Me and Max haven't said a word since the whole whatever you want to call it outside the motorhome. I'm praying he was still drunk at that point and can't remember anything from it but I keep on seeing him smiling at me from the corner of my eye. The interviewer keeps on directing questions at us that require me and Max to speak together like: “How Is Sauber bringing the fight to Red Bull?” It's almost like the media want to see us speak after breaking up. 

“That interviewer really wanted you and Max to speak” Alex comments as we walk across the paddock. 

After the press conference interview I go and sit with Kimi as he's a little pissed at how much the interviewer was trying to get me and Max to talk he was also pissed at how Max was looking at me and I can't understand why because I was getting annoyed in the interview with Max constantly staring at me. 

Ollie pulls me aside and for some reason he looks angry as well. He pulls me into some side room and makes me sit down before he starts speaking. 

“You need to get Max in line”

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean tell him there's no chance of you two getting back together because if he continues like this it's only going to hurt Kimi and you may be my best friend but Kimi is also my friend” 

“I can't tell Max what to do” 

“Tell him you don't love him and to leave you alone” 

“I can't” 

“Why not?”

“Because I still love him” 

Ollie looks stunned and confused at how I could even still live Max but even though he hurt my feelings I couldn't just stop loving him overnight after all I loved this man since day one so it's a bit hard to just turn off my feeling for him 

There is about 5 minutes of just pure silence before Ollie speaks up again. 

“You need to decide between Kimi or Max and fast”

Race day. The past 2 days have been hell Ollie has been on my case every 5 minutes asking me about my decision between Max and Kimi and I'm not going to lie he's starting to annoy me which is something he's never really done before. My head was full of thoughts yesterday during qualifying and my performance reflected that only being good enough for P5 on the grid today. 

We get off the line well and I make up a place straight away as Charles had a poor start that allows me to capitalise. 

On the very last lap I'm fighting for first against Lewis when Max comes up behind us and he dives into the turn hitting me and nearly taking himself out. 

“What a fucking idiot” 

Thanks to Max winning the Spanish Grand Prix is off the table but if he thinks I'm letting him get second he must be deluded. I return the favour and make a brave dive on the last turn to take back second and whilst it's not the race win I still beat him which is more than enough for me. 

In the cooldown room when he walks in I don't even acknowledge his existence. In the interview less than 5 minutes ago I called him “reckless” and “childish” so I doubt I'm the last person he wants to talk to. 

“good race out there” he says, extending his hand for a fist bump but I leave him hanging. 

“It was until you tried to take me out” I say quietly so the cameras can't pick my comment up. 

[furiousgoldfish]

I finished reading "Becoming Yourself: Overcoming Mind Control and Ritual Abuse" by Alison Miller, and it was filled with incredibly useful information for those who struggle with a dissociative identity disorder. It was also filled with descriptions of some of the most extreme and atrocious kinds of abuse, so to anyone wanting to read it, there's a trigger warning for cult abuse, rituals, childhood sexual abuse, satanic rituals, child trafficking, child murder, brainwashing, mind control, and every form of religion used against the mind of a child.

I was reading this book to figure out if I had gone thru any kind of abuse of the sort, and I didn't, one of my abusers was utilizing religion against me and had done enough of brainwashing to construct several brainwashed and controlled parts, who were still under the influence, but that was it. The book is extremely clear and it will not confuse you about what happened to you, it tells you the intention behind every type of abuse, and often, how to resolve the results. The books also notes that the word 'alter' is triggering to those who went thru ritual abuse and developed a dissociative identity disorder, for similarity with the word 'altar', which is used in rituals, so they prefer to use the terms 'insiders' and 'parts', which I found to enjoy as well.

One of the repeating points in the first half of the book was on insiders who pretend to be something else, for instance, insiders who pretend to be your abusers, pretend to be demons, pretend to be gods or powerful entities, who believe it's their job to hurt you, or to control you, who are made to bring out consequences if you attempt to act against your abusers. I had something like that in my head, but I had refused to believed it was an insider, because it looked just like a case of 'internalized abusive voice', and I had fought against it viciously and focused on shutting that voice down and keeping it scared, often via imagined torture if it was making me feel anxious. Reading about these other scary entities, who would, when asked, admit to just being an insider pretending, I became curious enough to engage with the abusive voice and ask it, 'are you just an alter pretending'? The voice laughed at me and admitted to being found out, and then promptly stopped pretending and showed themselves as a child part. It took me several weeks to admit to myself that this was real, because it was mortifying. I had fallen for the trick, and even tortured a child part for doing their assigned job – this part now believed their only function was to be tortured. I feel responsible for that. But there was no way for me to know. Insiders are good at keeping up a pretense.

You can sometimes recognize that an entity in your head that is scaring you, claiming to be able to control you or triggering you on purpose, or pretending to be evil, demonic, terrifying, animalistic, powerful, magical, godly, is actually a child part, just because they often act the version of that thing that a child would believe is real. If your entity is often repeating the same lines, only knows 1 way of behaviour and has predictive responses, believes to be your abuser or something similar to it, doesn't follow any real-life logic and seems to belong to another world that a child would think is accurate, then it's likely a child part, for some reason programmed or brainwashed to believe they're what they're pretending to be. I should note that when children think of these scary entities, they're often very creative, and put their whole heart in it, so it's going to be an entity that is engaging, feels powerful, doesn't back down easily. Parts who pretend to be evil or demonic will sometimes cling to what they think they are very dearly and will not allow themselves to think of themselves as humans or children, this is for their own emotional protection. All they had in their childhood was being tough. They cannot let that go.

Another incredibly useful information I got from the book was on how to process trauma if you are a multiple. I had never seen instructions on how to do this before, and I'm going to share them in another post that should be posted right after this one, and I'll put a link to it here.

[syuga-s]

something good can work

(a.k.a who do you blame part two)

w.c. 8.2k pairing. Yoongi x fem!reader, Taehyung x fem!reader genre. same ol' angst sorry, nothing smutty just big emotions a/n. YAY THE 2ND PART IS OUTTTTT!! i didn't think i'd take this long i don't even have an excuse,, very poorly proofread, i'll get to that sometime later i just wanted to get this out lmao a very special tag for @amyz78 ♡

Gemma chimed in, her eyes sparkling mischievously as she surveyed Taehyung. “Ooh, cute!” gave him a wink and added, “You sure know how to pick ’em.”

As you and your girls exchanged hugs as if you hadn’t seen them in forever, Jin’s keen gaze fell on Taehyung, taking in his appearance with a quick yet thorough assessment. With a friendly smile, Jin extended his hand in greeting. “Hey man, I’m Jin. Nice to meet you.”

Taehyung returned the gesture, albeit with a slight hesitance in his movements. “Likewise bro, Taehyung” he replied.

Noticing Taehyung’s vintage baseball cap adorned with the logo of the team, Jin’s interest piqued. “Nice cap,” he remarked, gesturing towards Taehyung’s headwear. “you a big fan?”

Taehyung’s eyes lit up at the question, “Yeah, love the game,” he replied, a hint of enthusiasm seeping into his voice. “I’ve never been to a live one though, it’s my first.”

“I highly recommend the live experience,” Jin chimed in, his tone friendly yet genuine. “There’s nothing quite like being at the stadium, especially when you’re cheering for your team.”

Taehyung nodded in agreement, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “I can imagine,” he replied, his eyes flickering with excitement. “I already feel a whole different vibe compared to watching one on TV.”

As the conversation flowed effortlessly between them, Jin couldn’t help but notice the subtle nuances in Taehyung’s demeanor. Despite his initial reservations, Taehyung seemed to relax in Jin’s presence.

For Jin, deciphering people was second nature, a skill honed over years of observation and analysis. With each passing moment, Jin found himself growing more intrigued by this newcomer in your life, his protective instincts kicking into overdrive as he sought to decipher Taehyung.

Between the shouting at players, ordering beers, turning over to talk with the girls, and all that. The conversation between Jin and Taehyung flowed to their lines of work.

As the game progressed and the atmosphere at the stadium grew more animated, Jin found himself engaged in conversation with Taehyung, although with a growing sense of unease gnawing at the back of his mind. Despite his best efforts to remain cordial, Jin couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something off about this guy.

“So, what do you do for a living?” Jin inquired, his tone casual yet genuinely curious.

Taehyung’s expression took on a smug air as he leaned back in his seat, a self-assured smirk playing on his lips. “I’m a property developer,” he replied, his voice laced with a hint of superiority. “It’s a rather lucrative field, I must say.”

Jin raised an eyebrow, masking his growing annoyance with a polite smile. “Ah, I see,” he responded evenly, refusing to let Taehyung’s arrogance get under his skin. “I’m a dentist myself. It may not be as glamorous as your line of work, but it’s great I must say.”

As they discussed their respective professions, Jin couldn’t help but notice the way Taehyung spoke about his life with a hint of condescension, as if he were talking to a lowborn rather than an accomplished professional. Taehyung’s tone was laced with a thinly veiled superiority, his demeanor exuding an air of so-called refinement and sophistication.

Jin resisted the urge to roll his eyes, choosing instead to maintain a composed facade.

Despite Taehyung’s attempts to assert his dominance, Jin remained unfazed, silently vowing to keep a close eye on the developer in the following hours. After all, beneath Taehyung’s front of sophistication lay a man who showed a hint of nervousness in his demeanor.

Throughout the day, Taehyung remained somewhat reserved, his responses measured and cautious compared to the outgoing self you’ve seen on your dates. After all your best efforts to include him in the lively banter and inside jokes, you couldn’t shake the feeling that he was holding back, as if unsure of how to navigate the energy coming from your friends.

After the baseball game came to an end, you and your friends decided to grab something at the burger joint owned by one of your close friends. The cozy restaurant provided the perfect spot for more conversation, the main reason being to get to know your new lover boy, yet Taehyung seemed to cast a tiny speckle over the gathering. It seemed as if he shrank himself around your friends.

As you settled into a booth with your friends, Taehyung’s presence became increasingly subdued, his responses to the group’s banter growing more hesitant with each passing moment. Despite your attempts to include him, he seemed somewhat detached.

The conversation with you and your friends quickly turned to gossip about one of your former friends. Sam’s incredulous expression mirrored the disbelief in her voice as she exclaimed, “Can you believe she actually did that?”

Gemma, shaking her head in amusement, added, “I mean, who literally never returns borrowed clothes? She got herself an outfit, thanks to the three of us. Shoes from Sam, a jacket from you, and a dress from me.”

Amidst the shared laughter, Taehyung appeared to be struggling to find his footing. His usual confidence seemed to falter in the face of your friends’ dynamic energy, leaving him somewhat quiet.

Jin, ever the observer, chimed in with a wry grin, “Sounds like she’s always been a handful.”

You shot Jin a playful response, adding, “Oh, you have no idea.”

As the conversation flowed around, Taehyung remained quiet, his gaze flickering between your friends. Sensing his discomfort, you nudged him playfully and teased, “What do you think? Ever had a friend or an ex like that?”

Taehyung managed a hesitant smile, his eyes darting away briefly before returning to meet yours. “Uh, no, nothing too crazy,” he replied with a soft laugh. With this, Taehyung seemed to relax into the group dynamic, his laughter mingling with yours as he shared in the lighthearted jokes that came before his response.

As Gemma joined in on the conversation, you made a point to include Taehyung, gesturing for him to join in on the gossip with a playful smile. Taehyung’s hand found its way to your knee, his touch sending a shiver to you. Despite his reserved demeanor, you couldn’t deny the warmth of his presence beside you, grateful for the effort your friends were making to make him feel welcome.

After lunch, you and Taehyung walked hand in hand down the bustling streets, your friends walking ahead of you, the warmth of the sun casting a golden glow over the city.

As you strolled along, you couldn’t shake the feeling of unease that had settled in the pit of your stomach. Taehyung’s reserved behavior during lunch left you unsettled, his usual charm overshadowed by a newfound hesitance that seemed out of character.

“Hey,” you began tentatively, breaking the silence that had settled between you, “Are you okay?”

Taehyung glanced at you, his expression unreadable. “Yeah, I’m okay,” he replied with a forced smile, though his eyes betrayed a hint of uncertainty.

You tightened your grip on his hand, a surge of concern flooding through you. “You seemed a bit quiet back there,” you pressed gently, grabbing his face in your hand, searching for any sign of what was bothering him.

Taehyung hesitated, his gaze flickering away before returning to meet yours. “I guess I just felt a bit out of place,” he admitted finally, his voice tinged with vulnerability. “Your friends... they’re absolutely great, really, I can see why you love them, but I can’t help but feel like I don’t quite fit in.”

Your heart twinged with sympathy at his words, a pang of guilt washing over you as you realized the extent of his discomfort. “I’m sorry,” Taehyung murmured, squeezing your hand reassuringly. “I should have made more of an effort.”

You shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips. “God, don’t say that you’re sorry, this is just you meeting new people,” you assured him, your tone softening. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

After lunch, you and Taehyung decided to head to a nearby bar that had a couple of pool tables. Gemma, Sam, and Jin eagerly joined, excited for more fun and conversation.

As you entered the bar, the sound of pool balls clacking against each other filled the air, adding to the ambiance of the place. Gemma let out a whoop of excitement, already eyeing the pool tables with enthusiasm.

"I call the first game!" Gemma exclaimed, practically bouncing with energy as she made her way to the nearest table.

Sam followed close behind, a mischievous grin on her face. "Oh, it's on," she declared, rolling up her sleeves in anticipation.

Jin chuckled at the friendly competitiveness between Gemma and Sam, a smirk playing on his lips as he predicted an intense match between the two. Taehyung stood by your side, watching the scene unfold with a small smile tugging at his lips.

As Gemma lined up her shot, her competitive streak shining through in every movement, you turned to Taehyung and suggested, "How about we team up for a game? Show them what we're made of."

Taehyung's eyes lit up at the challenge, his reserved demeanor from earlier fading away as he nodded enthusiastically. "Sounds like a plan," he replied, a hint of excitement creeping into his voice.

You and Taehyung stepped up to the pool table, cue sticks in hand, ready to take on Gemma and Sam. The game quickly turned into a lively competition, filled with laughter, banter, and friendly teasing.

With each shot, Taehyung's confidence grew, his skills matching yours as the two of you worked together seamlessly, sinking ball after ball with precision. Your friends watched in amazement as the game progressed, their cheers and applause messing with the atmosphere of the bar.

As the match drew to a close, it became evident that you and Taehyung were on the brink of victory. With one final shot, Taehyung skillfully pocketed the eight ball, sealing your win with a triumphant grin.

Gemma and Sam applauded good-naturedly, conceding defeat with playful pouts before breaking into laughter. Jin clapped Taehyung on the back, a proud smile on his face as he praised, "Impressive, you two."

As the evening wore on and the conversation flowed freely, you found yourself deep in discussion with Gemma about your upcoming trip to a music festival. Excitement bubbled within you as you animatedly talked about the lineup, the accommodations you wanted to book, and the outfits you were planning to wear. Gemma mirrored your enthusiasm, her eyes sparkling with anticipation as she listened to your plans unfold.

"So, we'll catch the midnight flight on Thursday, right?" Gemma asked, leaning in closer as she eagerly awaited your response.

"Definitely," you replied with a nod, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "We'll have plenty of time to check into the hotel and grab some lunch before the festival kicks off."

As you continued to discuss the details of your trip, Taehyung interjected, his voice cutting through the conversation with unexpected confidence. "Oh my god you’re going to that?" he remarked, his eyes alight with excitement. "Mind if I tag along? I’ve been meaning to go for years too!"

You blinked in surprise, caught off guard by Taehyung's sudden invitation.

You exchanged a look with Gemma, both of you unsure of how to respond to Taehyung's unexpected request. Before you could say anything, Taehyung continued, his enthusiasm growing by the second.

"And hey, since we'll already be there, why don't you stay a few extra days with me?" he suggested, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "We could go and meet my dad, make a mini vacation out of it."

Your heart skipped a beat at Taehyung's proposal, but not in a good way. A mini vacation? Meeting his dad? It all felt too serious and overwhelming for someone who had only been dating him for a few weeks.

Your head spun with the rapid-fire pace of his suggestions, struggling to keep up with the whirlwind of activity unfolding before you. You hadn't even had a chance to process his self-invitation, let alone make any concrete plans.

Before you could gather your thoughts, Taehyung was already pulling out his phone, his fingers flying over the screen as he hastily began to make plans. You exchanged a bewildered look with Gemma, silently wondering if you were the only one feeling overwhelmed by the sudden turn of events.

Feeling the weight of Taehyung's expectations bearing down on you, you struggled to find the words to respond. "I... um... I'll have to think about it," you finally managed to stammer out, hoping to buy yourself some time to process everything that had just been thrown your way.

Gemma shot you a sympathetic look, clearly sensing your discomfort. "Yeah, you definitely need to discuss it further," she added, coming to your rescue.

This was all moving so fast, and you couldn't shake the feeling that Taehyung was rushing into things without considering your thoughts or feelings.

His sudden eagerness to insert himself into your future plans, coupled with his brash confidence and seemingly disregard for your input, left you questioning whether you truly knew him as well as you thought. Beneath his charming exterior lay a man with a penchant for taking control, his assertiveness bordering on arrogance at times. While you had been drawn to his personality initially, you now found yourself wondering if there was more to Taehyung than met the eye.

Was this eagerness to dive headfirst into your relationship a sign of genuine affection, or simply a desire to assert dominance and control over your life?

The rapid pace at which Taehyung seemed to be moving the relationship forward, coupled with his insistence on intertwining your lives so quickly, raised red flags in your mind. Was this level of devotion genuine, or a form of love-bombing designed to sweep you off your feet and secure your affections? As you grapple with these conflicting thoughts and emotions, you can't help but wonder if Taehyung's was just too good to be true.

As the chatter and clinking of glasses continued, you pushed back from the table. Your heart raced and your palms were slick with sweat as you mumbled an excuse about needing to use the restroom. The chatter of voices faded into the background as you stepped away, leaving behind the warmth and comfort of your friends' presence.

Standing in front of the mirror in the quiet restroom, you took a deep breath and studied your reflection. The familiar swirl of conflicting emotions stirred within you, but one thing remained certain: your gut feeling was unwavering. With a silent vow to trust yourself and your past experiences, you straightened your shoulders and rejoined everyone at the table.

Later in your room, as the golden hues of the Sunday afternoon bathed the world outside, you couldn't shake the feeling of unease that had settled deep within your soul. The warmth of the weekend's fleeting moments lingered like a bittersweet memory, leaving a faint trace of longing in its wake. Despite the laughter shared, the smiles exchanged, and the tender moments cherished, there was an underlying sense of discontent that gnawed at the edges of your consciousness.

With each passing hour, the realization dawned upon you like a slow-moving shadow creeping across the room. Something had shifted within you, an intangible yet undeniable shift in your emotions.

In the quiet solitude of your thoughts, you found yourself yearning for a reprieve, a moment of respite from the whirlwind of emotions that threatened to engulf you whole. What began as a simple desire for solitude soon evolved into a desperate need to distance yourself, to create a barrier between yourself and the overwhelming intensity of the feelings that had taken root within your heart.

After that weekend, something stirred inside you. The initial excitement and anticipation you had felt with Taehyung seemed to fade. What once felt thrilling now seemed overwhelming, almost suffocating. You tried to shake it off, thinking perhaps you just needed some time to yourself. But as the days went by, your desire for space only grew. You found yourself reluctant to make plans, even hesitant to text back as usual.

You were so sure you could fall in love, but the intensity of Taehyung's affection was too much. His constant need for connection, his declarations of love, and the speed at which he wanted to move forward felt like a tidal wave. You weren't used to that level of intensity. It left you feeling like the biggest red flag in the story.

Questions swirled in your mind, eating away at your confidence.

"This guy is falling so hard for you, why are you backing out?"

"Are you really that messed up if you’re not able to handle someone loving you?"

Each question felt like a jab, poking at your insecurities. You wondered if you were sabotaging something beautiful or if your instincts were warning you of a deeper issue.

You kept talking to Taehyung in the following days, but your heart wasn't in it. You could sense his growing suspicion, his worry evident in the way he asked if you were okay, if you had time to see each other. The guilt gnawed at you, especially when you heard the genuine concern in his voice. It made you question everything. Was it you? Was it him? Were you really not ready, or were you just afraid?

Deep down, you didn't trust that someone could fall in love like this in just three weeks. It felt too rushed, too intense. And even if it was true, it wasn't the kind of relationship you wanted. You didn't want to be detached. You wanted to be invested in the next person you fell in love with. You didn't want to feel annoyed or reply just because you had to. You knew you still had a long way to go, a lot of work to do on your feelings and how you dealt with relationships. You hated when they made you feel like you were the one in the wrong. Why would you be wrong to feel how you feel?

Perhaps you weren't ready for the kind of love he offered. The intensity of his feelings left you feeling exposed, and vulnerable in a way you had never experienced before.

The lines between love and self-preservation blurred until they became indistinguishable from one another. You questioned your own worth, and your own capacity for love, as doubts and insecurities gnawed at the edges of your consciousness.

In the days that followed, you found yourself locked in a silent struggle, torn between the conflicting desires of your heart and mind but despite the lingering doubts that gnawed at your conscience, you continued to engage with Taehyung, exchanging messages and sharing snippets of your day.

Yet with each passing interaction, a sense of reluctance began to take root within you, a hesitancy to commit to plans for the following week that lingered on the tip of your tongue. You were still battling with yourself, wrestling with the internal turmoil that threatened to consume you whole.

As the days stretched on, the weight of your indecision grew heavier, casting a shadow over the once-bright promise of love and romance. You found yourself caught in a constant tug-of-war between your head and your heart, each vying for dominance over the other in a battle for control.

And so you continued to navigate the fickle direction of your relationship with Taehyung. But deep down, a part of you couldn't help but wonder—was this truly what you wanted for yourself, or were you merely settling to prove to yourself, and perhaps to others, that Yoongi was no longer someone important in your life?

Taehyung had seemed like the beacon of light guiding you out of the darkness of heartbreak. You had convinced yourself that he was all you wanted, perhaps even desperately so, in your eager pursuit to move on from someone who had given you nothing. Every smile, every touch, every whispered promise felt like a lifeline, pulling you away from the memories of a love that had left you in pieces.

Still, how could you not feel insecure and fearful when someone professed such intense love after only a few weeks? It seemed too good to be true, too rushed, too perfect. It left you questioning the authenticity of his feelings, wondering if his declarations were genuine or merely a means to an end. Could someone truly fall so deeply in love with you in such a short time, or was it all just a facade, a performance put on to win your heart?

Fake, rushed, and unsettling. Not exactly the words you’d describe love as.

After a long day of work, Taehyung could sense that something was amiss. Your texts had been shorter, less enthusiastic, and devoid of the usual playful banter that had become your norm. Concerned, he suggested meeting up or at least having a phone call to understand what was going on. When you agreed to the call, a knot of anxiety formed in your stomach.

As soon as you heard Taehyung's voice on the other end, a wave of guilt washed over you. His tone was gentle and filled with concern, making you rethink your distant behavior. Despite your intentions to keep your emotions in check, it had been extremely difficult to mask your feelings. Now, hearing him speak, you were more certain than ever that you needed to end this.

"Hey," Taehyung began softly, "I've been thinking a lot today, and I couldn't shake the feeling that something's bothering you. I wanted to talk because I care about you, and I hope we can figure this out together."

Taehyung's voice was warm and earnest, tugging at your heartstrings. His words made you rethink everything that had led up to this moment. He opened up about how much he enjoyed getting to know you – reminiscing about your dates, late-night conversations, the building of a 57-hour-long playlist together, and watching movies while on calls. He confessed that he had developed strong feelings for you and wanted to pursue a relationship.

"But listen, before anything, I just want you to know that I want to be with the person you are at this very moment," Taehyung spoke with sincerity. "I am trying my best to make you fall in love with me because I am genuinely attracted to who you are, your mind and heart are truly what I love. If you let me into your life, it will be reciprocated from my end as well. My intention is not to waste your time. It's such a pleasure to coexist with you, and this call is an opportunity for us to talk about what we have. So please, tell me how you feel."

As you listened to his heartfelt confession, a whirlwind of emotions stirred inside of you. His genuine affection contrasted sharply with your recent doubts and fears. Despite his earnestness and commitment, deep down you knew that you could not return those same feelings. The realization was bittersweet, but it brought clarity – you did not want to continue this relationship.

A lump formed in the back of your throat, threatening to choke you as his words sank in. The sincerity in his voice only made it harder to confront the reality of your feelings. With a shaky breath, you knew it was time to be honest.

"Taehyung," you began, your voice barely above a whisper. "I appreciate everything you've said. You've been more than amazing, a true breath of fresh air into my life. I never thought I could open up and tell someone so much about myself, but with you, it just felt right. Every date and call we've had has brought me so much joy and happiness. It's been so good spending time with you and doing our favorite things together."

You paused for a moment, gathering your thoughts before continuing. "But if I'm being completely honest, I don't think I'm ready for this. It's not that I don't care about you or have strong feelings for you...it's just that I still need time to figure things out. I need to focus on what I want before I can fully commit to someone as wonderful as you."

There was a heavy silence on the other end of the line as Taehyung absorbed your words. "I understand," he finally replied, his voice filled with emotion. "It's important for you to take the time you need. I don't want to pressure or rush you into anything."

You could feel the disappointment radiating from him through the phone, and it tugged at your heartstrings. "I hope we can still be friends, and who knows what will happen in the future? Maybe things will be different then." Taehyung's voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke again. "This doesn't mean we have to stop going out, right? I still have so many places I want to take you, concerts we have to go to."

A small smile graced your lips at his words. "Of course not," you replied.

After ending the call with Taehyung, a sense of relief washed over you, lifting the weight that had been pressing down on your shoulders. Contrary to what one might expect, you didn't feel bad about the conversation; instead, you felt a newfound sense of liberation.

In the quiet moments after the call, as you sat with your thoughts, the sense of relief grew stronger. You weren't heartless; you were just protecting yourself. It was okay to take a step back.

You thought that everything was on good terms despite the falling out. After the call, Taehyung continued to text you, making casual conversation about movies and sharing recommendations as if nothing had changed. It gave you a sense of relief, believing that maybe you could transition smoothly into a friendship.

But the next day, unexpectedly, things took a sharp turn. You were scrolling through your Instagram feed when you noticed something was missing—Taehyung's account. His profile, once filled with snapshots of his life and moments you had shared together, was now completely gone. Your heart dropped as you tried to shake off the unsettling feeling, assuring yourself that he must have needed a break from social media.

The next day, you found yourself at a quaint rooftop gathering with your old college friends. The clinking of glasses and bursts of laughter filled the air, creating a warm and nostalgic ambiance. You were surrounded by familiar faces and inside jokes, and for a moment everything felt light and carefree.

As the night went on and the drinks flowed freely, you couldn't help but loosen your tongue. With each sip, you recounted the recent events of your love life - the highs and lows, Taehyung's irresistible charm, and the sudden ending that left you reeling. As you spoke, a mix of relief washed over you.

At 2:13 am, as you were caught up in reminiscing with your friends, your phone buzzed. It was a message from Taehyung: "U up?" You stared at the screen in surprise, his casualness catching you off guard. Despite the lingering emotions stirred up by his message, you decided against replying and slipped your phone back into your pocket.

In the following days, Taehyung's attempts to reconnect with you grew more intense. He sent friendly texts inviting you out to places where you used to dance together, suggesting it’d be "just as friends." He mentioned how much he enjoyed going out with you and how he knew music was something you loved. Despite his seemingly earnest efforts, you couldn't shake off the feeling that something about his sudden friendliness felt forced and weird.

Then, things took an even stranger turn. One day, as you were scrolling through social media, you noticed that Taehyung had unfollowed both you and your friends. His posts had disappeared without a trace - either deleted or archived - and his profile picture was gone. Confused and slightly alarmed, you tried to check the Spotify playlist you had been making, only to find that he had blocked you there as well.

"What the hell?" you muttered to yourself, staring at your phone in disbelief. The sudden and drastic changes in Taehyung's behavior only confirmed the unease that had been building inside you. His actions were volatile and erratic, and it was becoming clear that he wasn't the person you once thought him to be.

A burst of laughter erupted from you, uncontrollable and genuine. "Can you believe it? He actually blocked me on Spotify," you chuckled, shaking your head in disbelief. It seemed so trivial in the grand scheme of things, but it was also oddly amusing. What could possibly have provoked him to take such a petty action against your Spotify profile? The thought made you grin even wider as you tried to stifle another fit of laughter.

"I don't know what's more surprising, the fact that he blocked you or that he thought blocking you on Spotify would bring about some profound impact," your friend Gemma chimed in, her face lighting up with amusement.

Indeed, it was a peculiar situation to be in. It felt like being placed in a dramatic film, with events unfolding in unexpectedly comedic ways. You quirked an eyebrow at Gemma's comment, leaning back against the couch and sighing.

"Well, whatever his intentions might have been," you mused aloud, "I think it just shows how petty he is."

Gemma chuckled quietly at your words, her eyes gleaming with laughter as she nodded in agreement. The two of you sat there in the soft glow of the room, laughing over the absurdity of the situation.

“Hey, I need to ask you something,” Gemma's unexpected comment caught you off guard. "Why do you always tell them you're not ready?" she asked, her tone curious yet probing.

The question hung in the air, lingering in the space between you. It felt like a curveball, striking at the heart of your insecurities and doubts. You had never stopped to ask yourself why you constantly used the same excuse, why you always pushed people away with the same refrain.

For a moment, you were speechless, caught in the whirlwind of your own thoughts. Why did you always say that? Was it the truth, or merely an excuse to avoid confronting your deeper fears and uncertainties?

As you grappled with these questions, a sense of unease settled over you. Perhaps there was more to your reluctance than you cared to admit, buried beneath layers of self-doubt and uncertainty. Was it possible that you were using the excuse of not being ready as a shield to protect yourself from the vulnerability of opening up to someone new?

You met Gemma's gaze and offered a tentative reply. "I guess... it's just easier to say that than to admit the truth," you admitted, your voice tinged with uncertainty. "Maybe I'm not ready, or maybe... maybe it's something else. Maybe it's fear, or self-doubt, or..."

Your voice trailed off as you struggled to put your thoughts into words. Silence filled the room as if waiting for you to grasp the elusive truth about yourself. Gemma's eyes were steady on yours, offering silent encouragement and understanding.

"Or maybe... it's because I don't trust myself anymore," you finally confessed, the words tasting bitter on your tongue. "I don't trust myself to be in a relationship without screwing it up or realize someone was lying to me again."

You still couldn't believe how you were able to sense bad things about everyone but could never do that with Yoongi. What was the deal with that?

Thinking back to Yoongi, you realized how different it was with him. With Yoongi, there was no rush, no overwhelming intensity. It was comfortable, like slipping into a well-worn sweater. You didn't have to second-guess his intentions or your feelings. It was simple, without the pressure of immediate declarations of love.

But with Taehyung, it felt like you were constantly on edge, trying to meet expectations you weren't even sure you could handle. His affection, while sincere, felt like a spotlight shining too brightly, exposing every crack and flaw in your emotional armor. And instead of feeling cherished, you felt scrutinized.

You could feel Gemma's gaze soften at your confession. Her quiet acceptance of your raw vulnerability was comforting in its own way. She reached out and squeezed your hand gently, a tacit acknowledgment of your bravery in admitting such long-buried fears.

"C'mon, love," she said gently, pulling you up from the couch, "let's get something sweet from the kitchen. You've earned it."

The rest of the night passed in a comfortable silence, punctuated only by occasional laughter and the comforting sounds of late-night baking. As you nibbled on warm chocolate chip cookies - Gemma's specialty - and sipped rich hot coffee, something within you began to shift.

For the first time in a long time, instead of feeling overwhelmed by your insecurities and fears, you felt an odd sense of peace. It was as if speaking those words out loud had lifted a weight off your shoulders - a revelation that maybe it was okay not to have everything figured out.

Looking at Gemma across the kitchen island, her face illuminated by the soft glow of the overhead light, you realize something else too. You weren't alone; there were people around you who cared about you and would stand by you through thick and thin.

You picked up your mug and raised it in a toast to her, a small smile playing on your lips. "To figuring things out," you stated valiantly. The clink of your mugs echoed in the silent kitchen as Gemma grinned back at you.

"Figuring things out," she echoed, her words lingering in the silence of the room. Amidst the lingering taste of cookies and coffee, amidst all the uncertainty and self-doubt, something warm began to bloom within your chest - a sense of hope, a fresh start.

With that night serving as a turning point, you found yourself learning to trust yourself again, inch by inch. You learned to let go of the past and look forward to a future where you could be happy with or without a relationship. And most importantly, you discovered that sometimes opening up about your fears was not a sign of weakness, but rather an act of courage and growth.

After all, there was truth in what Gemma had said - everyone was just figuring things out, one step at a time.

Life went on and so did you. The days turned into weeks and before you knew it, a month had passed since your breakup with Taehyung. Taehyung's memory began to fade like a photograph left too long in the sun. You went about your life as usual - indulging in late-night movies with friends, exploring new music, finding joy in small things - all without the shadow of his presence looming over you.

Your life resumed its regular rhythm and things seemed normal again...as normal as they could be without someone.

You still missed him sometimes; when certain songs played on the street and when certain places reminded you of him – but as each day passed, these moments became fewer and further between.

One day while walking home from work, your phone buzzed in your pocket. A message from an unknown number was waiting for you, the words sending a chill down your spine.

"Hey... It's Yoongi. Can we talk?"

You froze in your tracks, staring at the screen with wide eyes. A million thoughts ran through your mind at once - why was he contacting you now? What did he want to talk about? And the most important question of them all: Were you actually going to respond?

As you stood there on the sidewalk, the world around you seemed to come to a halt. Your heart pounded in your chest as you weighed your options. Should you ignore the message and continue on your way? Or should you take a leap of faith and reply, opening up the possibility of having him in your life again?

The choice was yours and yours alone. Next thing you knew, he was calling you.

You stared at your phone, hesitating for a moment before answering. "Hello?" you said tentatively, your voice barely above a whisper.

"Hey," came his familiar voice, sending a wave of emotions crashing over you. "I'm sorry to bother you, I know this is probably the last thing you expected, but..." His voice trailed off as if searching for the right words.

"But what?" you asked, your curiosity getting the better of you.

He sighed heavily, the sound echoing through the phone. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

His admission caught you completely off guard, his raw sincerity hitting you straight in the gut.

You immediately closed your eyes forcefully and pinched the bridge of your nose.

It had been so long since you had heard his voice; it was a sound that evoked a whirlwind of conflicting feelings.

Anger, bitterness, and sadness fought against nostalgia and fond memories. You were reminded of the warmth of his embrace, the gentleness of his touch, the soothing cadence of his words.

A lump formed in your throat as you tried to swallow back the tears that threatened to spill over. Heaving a deep sigh, you braced yourself as you replied, "How have you been? It's been so long since we last spoke."

There was a brief pause on the other end of the line as if he was equally shocked by how different your voice sounded. When he finally responded, there was a smile in his voice. "I've been doing okay. Busy with work as usual, but it keeps me sane."

Why is it that you're always willing to let him into your life, without regard for what he represents to you? After all he's done in your relationship or the lack thereof? Why is it so difficult to let go of someone who doesn't care for you as you do him? Someone who is content with being friends with you, yet never tries to give you something more than that. It's so damn frustrating... And heartbreaking too, no less.

At that moment, the only emotion you felt was regret for not seeing the signs earlier when he had still cared enough to show he was serious. In an attempt to lighten the mood, you chuckled half-heartedly. "Yeah, I guess it would keep anyone sane," you teased lightly.

However, your effort at humor fell flat as he remained silent on the other end. Your breath caught in your throat, unsure what to make of his silence. Was it a sign of him wanting to continue or was he waiting for you to elaborate? You held your tongue, feeling lost and confused in this situation.

"I miss you," he murmured, his voice soft and filled with longing. The simple admission took your breath away.

"And how does your girlfriend feel about that?" you replied. At the mention of his current relationship status, you could practically hear the crickets chirping in the distance as an awkward silence settled between you.

A few moments passed before he hesitantly answered, "Actually..." His voice trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

"What happened? If I may ask," you probed gently.

"She left. Well, we ended things actually," he corrected himself.

"Oh..." Your response hung awkwardly in the air as neither one of you knew how to continue.

Finally, after a few painful seconds, you gathered your courage to ask the question that had been burning in your mind since you received his message: "Is that why you contacted me?"

His hesitation was palpable, the weight of your question pressing down on him. Taking a deep breath, he finally responded.

"Yes...and no. I didn't want to bother you and hoped you wouldn't find out from a mutual friend. So, I decided to call..." He paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts before continuing. "Our breakup did hit me hard, not like now. I realized how much I really care about you. Not just as a friend but more than anything else."

This revelation sent your mind reeling as your heart clenched painfully. What did it mean? What should you say next? As you struggled to respond, he continued speaking.

"But now that we're both single, I don't know if that's something you'd like." The vulnerability in his tone stirred up a torrent of emotions within you, leaving you speechless for the second time.

"We've been through so much already, and honestly, I'm terrified. I don't want to hurt you again," he confessed softly.

His words echoed in the vastness of your mind. You were afraid of getting close to him only to get burned once more - but there was also part of you that yearned for him with all of your being.

"Listen Yoongi, I..., I don't know if I can call it a breakup but the last person I was with, made me realize something else..." You hesitated a bit and swallowed your tears back; they seemed so foreign.

Your head ached while listening to his silence. He had always been able to read your face better than anyone ever could. The same look he carried whenever he was about to say the wrong thing was clear. He wasn't saying anything, probably not even knowing what to tell you at this point.

And you couldn't blame him when you didn't know either, "What do you mean?" he finally asked in a low murmur.

"I don't have in me the capability to trust anymore." You whispered. "You and I tried so hard and things always go wrong, always fail miserably." Your throat constricted tightly around your words making them sound harsh in contrast. "At one point in our life, we weren't capable of sharing love. It was so frustrating because I thought I'd be fine as friends yet everything fell apart."

The words escaped your lips without any filter whatsoever. Maybe the fact that you were venting in a place where he couldn't see you was what fueled your honesty. "Every time I try, it doesn't work out and it keeps hurting both of us."

"It's not because of you though...It's..." You inhaled sharply as you continued. "I feel like I'll always find myself going back to wanting you when it's unhealthy. I keep thinking if I let you back into my life, will I end up breaking my heart again?"

As you shared your innermost thoughts, he stayed silent for a few moments longer before quietly replying, "Is that the reason why you've been avoiding me?" His voice sounded shaky with emotion as if struggling against his own demons too.

"It is and maybe that makes me selfish," you muttered guiltily. "How I feel about you, how much I care about you despite all our mistakes, sometimes hurts when I can't act on those feelings. Or when things get serious between us; it scares me out of my mind."

Yoongi exhaled shakily on the other line as well. When he spoke, his voice wavered.

"You have every right to be afraid of being hurt again and it pains me to see you in so much agony because of me. I never knew I could feel so strongly about someone who wasn't my blood-related family or some kind of soulmate but there's something about you that draws me in. I've had my fair share of experiences with women throughout the years but nothing compares to how happy you make me feel when we spend time together and talk for hours on end."

When you heard those words coming out of his mouth, something inside of you broke wide open. His confession struck deep within your core and touched upon every single insecurity and fear you possessed. How could someone love someone like you? After all the times they failed each other, after all the mistakes and broken promises that ended their relationship?

You asked softly, "If that's really what you think about me, why did it take so long for us to get here then?" Your question was laced with sorrow but curiosity too; what changed from before to now that made him contact you and finally acknowledge his feelings towards you?

He paused for a moment. When he continued, his tone was earnest and sincere. "I wasn't sure that this time would be different. In the past, there were moments when I almost reached out but I'd get scared and hold back." A self-deprecating laugh escaped his lips. "Then I realized that life isn't perfect or even stable either, and I decided to pursue what matters most in my life, you."

His answer stunned you speechless; you hadn't expected such conviction from him when earlier, he seemed unsure himself. As you tried to comprehend the complexity of his emotions, the weight of the situation began to settle in.

You choked up and dissociated there for a while until he interrupted you with a soft murmur of your name. That snapped you back into reality as tears pricked your eyes again. "Do you think I'm stupid for believing in you even though you keep screwing things up?" you whispered, feeling ashamed and embarrassed by your vulnerability.

There was another pause before Yoongi spoke once more, his voice gentle and filled with compassion. "No. Because I'd trust you over anyone else in the world." He sighed deeply. "Maybe this is wrong but we're adults in a mature relationship already anyways...so I guess it makes sense to take a chance and try to fix things."

"But that means giving yourself one hundred percent and not holding anything back." He paused briefly before continuing hesitantly. "What do you want from us right now?" His voice sounded uncertain like he wasn't sure of the answer himself.

That is when it hit you: everything you ever wanted was standing in front of you, asking you the same question. "I want to be selfish right now," you muttered breathlessly.

"Then I will give it all to you if it means being with you and seeing you happy. Whatever it takes," he answered softly yet decisively. It was clear that this meant more than anything else in this world; after all, nothing mattered as much anymore.

This time, his sincerity made you smile genuinely, breaking through the sadness that had overtaken you before. "How come you always say the best things when I'm already crying?" you sniffled.

"Because I'm terrible at consoling others but somehow managed to learn how to make you smile once in a blue moon." As soon as you heard those words escape his lips, something inside your heart melted instantly. Even on the phone, his presence was able to calm your storming mind down. The things he said and did always meant so much more than what anyone else had ever done for you.

You knew now that it didn't matter what happened between you two in the past because he was here right now wanting you, trying to build a future with you together. "When can I see you again?" he asked gently, sounding hopeful despite being cautious himself. "If that's okay..."

“It’s fine. But I have to warn you, this is going to be a long conversation and I might cry. A lot.” You told him in fake seriousness.

“Well, that would be the first time, I’ve never seen you cry in all the years I’ve known you.” He chuckled. “At first I thought you were a robot.”

“I am.”

“And then I learned you were a softie.” He continued.

“I’m not.”

“Oh, I think you are.”

“I’m definitely not a softie.”

“You are. And I love it.”

You smiled because you could hear the genuine smile in his voice.

“Tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, tomorrow.”

“Okay then.” You ended the call after hearing his quiet sigh, feeling a sense of comfort and anticipation. As you walked the last few meters to your place, the familiar sight of home greeted you, bathed in the golden light of the setting sun. You got home a little before sunset, feeling a mix of hope and excitement about seeing Yoongi tomorrow.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Yeah, I might not have watched Winx Club outside of one or two episodes back when it was airing, but one megacrossover fanfic verse I used to follow (before they used the "cure your asexuals" trope and I just cut myself off from the entire thing), had Winx Club in one of the FEW segments that was safe from the overall quality decay (which of course meant that it was basically dead), and thus I am very familiar with how Diasporo was BASICALLY a designated villain prior to the whole "Love Potion" thing.

Mostly because, y'know, her fiance cheated on her with some other girl, while also keeping her existence and their engagement a SECRET from the girl he was cheating on her with, risking a potential international scandal in the process.

Which is a VERY valid reason to be upset, even if it doesn't justify her later actions!

So I'm guessing Diasporo won't be a villain in your reboot?

YEAH

Like re: Canon: I give Sky /some/ of a break because like.

1.) His thing with Diaspro was very clearly an arranged marriage where he didn't love her but only felt obligated to do out of a Duty to his People, and started to fall for Bloom naturally. He is conflicted about doing what he has to as a Royal vs. following his heart rather than 'oh which cute girl do I choose?', and later issues with Diaspro after Sky chooses Bloom are either Bloom being jealous and not trusting while he tries to keep Diaspro as a friend and caring about her general wellbeing as a person and/or Diaspro going full manipulative villain who does some love potion/mind control shit.

and

2.) In the first season, Sky had switched identities with Brandon because for security reasons. So while he cared about Bloom and was clearly falling for her, telling her about the switch is still off the table because he's trying to not fucking die(even if he thinks he can trust that Bloom isn't some assassin, he doesn't know how well she can keep secrets).

Like don't get me wrong, this is early 2000s heteronormativity so there's plenty of romance drama and fucking up with them overall. But this thing I at least look at the bigger picture for.

BUT YEAH DIASPRO AND THE ROMANCE DRAMA IN MY REWRITE IDEA

So first off, we still have the Sky/Brandon swap plot, but there's more weight added to the whole 'protect the prince' thing. Civil unrest in his homeworld, assassination attempts, etc. Sky is legit in danger, and swapping identities with Brandon is a good option to keep him safe.

Within my rewrite, he does voice that he does NOT like this plan. He does not want people to die for him, especially his best friend. But his parents overrule his wishes on that, and Brandon thinks that, as much as he doesn't want to die, Sky is a good person who will make good changes when he takes the throne so he is willing to risk himself to keep his friend safe. (Sky makes this very hard by risking himself to keep everyone else safe as well lmao)

So yeah they do the swap thing and telling the others is.... a little low on the list. Because of the danger, even if they trust the groups. (Riven and Timmy figure it out so quick tho lmao)

Back to Diaspro!

Diaspro is still, technically, Sky's fiance. However, Sky is very adamant that he is not going to marry her. Yes he has a duty to his people, but it is not going to be done by using her as a bargaining chip in a political alliance.

When Diaspro shows up and accidentally outs the 'they swapped and I'm his fiance' thing, everyone's understandably upset which has Sky ramble the whole thing to try and explain that he is very much not cheating he does love Bloom this is a Complicated™ situation etc. Which.... yeah there's a little hurt still because emotions aren't always rational, but everyone understands.

Diaspro doesn't exactly take this /well/ because while Sky has kinda said it before, this is the first time he's been very blunt and makes her realize that he might be serious. She does kinda start a fight with Bloom in a 'jealous catfight' way, but Bloom can absolutely hold her own in a fight by now. Sky tries to talk to her and explain that he does still care about her, but he doesn't love her like that.

Diaspro kinda sulks off screen in denial until the Season Finale episodes. Er, long story short: giant Army of Darkness that is down to kill like fuckin everyone in it's path.

She shows up again to try and get Sky to evacuate. Save himself. He's a Prince, he should have people fighting for him, not be in the battle!

Sky gives her a speech about the kind of King he wants to be when he takes the throne. He wants to help his people, to protect them. How can he do that if he doesn't get involved and instead hides away in a palace, doing his best to relax while everyone else takes care of it for him?

It makes Diaspro pause for a moment. If they were still to get married one day, what kind of Queen would she want to be? She stays for the battle and helps out where she can.

In the time between seasons, Diaspro does a lot of thinking. Firstly, getting over the heartbreak and realizing it's not exactly heartbreak. She didn't love Sky. Not like a romantic love at least, she still cares for him. But the idea of him as her future husband has been in her head since she was a child.

Which leads her to thinking over her life. How everything her parents wanted her to do, everything they raised her for, every skill she has? It all is based around the idea that she's going to be Sky's trophy wife.

If that's not to be her future, she has no idea what to do. What would she even /want/ to do?

After much thought, she gets enrolled at Alfea. Lying to her parents about how going to the school would let her be around Sky more often and 'win him back from that harlot!', but having no intention of doing so.

Within Season 2, Diaspro gets dragged into the main group through both seeking Bloom out to apologize for before and reassure her, and also because the Main Plot involves being underground, and Diaspro's Earth and Gemstone-based Magic will help a lot with that.

I don't have direct plans for her in further seasons other than agreeing with Sky about dissolving their marriage arrangement and that their Realm needs a lot of changes in the coming future.

[shiorisdefenseattorney]

Notes on where I'm at rn with my mental health journey

It's so odd reading posts of mine from 2021 and 2022. Not long ago at all-- I was dating Caroline, and living in the same apartment-- but a large part of that person is gone. Almost like I figuratively died, or at least some part of me that has followed me around all my life is gone now, and I'm experiencing the world so differently. I'm still dealing with the same anxieties and uncertainties and many of the same assumptions, but somewhere between my aortic dissection and the rest of 2023 I gained a kind of awareness I couldn't access before. I can feel myself, I can access more of my emotions. I'm getting better at seeing the world clearly, about seeing my own motives clearly. I'm not stumbling around covering my eyes, I've lifted the hand off and understand more about what I'm stumbling into and what my direction is. It's been hard, dreary work. The improved clarity I've been developing during my present extends to the past, and it's iterative-- all the time I'm looking back and seeing some other thing I didn't understand about myself or the situation, finding new things to regret or mourn or forgive. I'm noticing more things in situations in real time, too, all the time getting better at thoughtfully engaging or disengaging while minimizing reactivity. I'm still very socially anxious. My understanding that I have very little trust in other people is still a new one, and I've been grappling bitterly with the catastrophizing or avoidance that springs from that lack of trust. The extreme disdain I hold for myself remains difficult to dispel; I still feel unable to see myself from the pov of anything but some bad faith third person hater, which in turn makes the lack of trust and catastrophizing worse-- if I can always find something to hate about myself when I'm just sitting there, or when I demonstrate some aspect of my personality at all-- why would I think other people can tolerate me? Why would I find value in taking risks, in engaging with others, in extending myself in some productive task or social enterprise? It's as if for my whole life before 2022, I was attempting suicide as passively as possible. Artlessly striving toward relevance and happiness as some sort of desperate, imperative bid for life, but constantly sabotaging that bid with inaction, disconnection, and protective obliviousness. I can now see what I've been doing, and why, with a profound and surprising clarity-- and it feels like this ever improving clarity has accelerated quickly from the worst thing I could ever explore to a celebrated, if still scary, part of my day-to-day life. The next hurdle I think, while I continue to work on my awareness and level of mental engagement with myself and the world, is to start actually physically interacting with other people and the world in the ways I want to interact with them, without freaking out and withdrawing if things go in scary, ambiguous, uncertain, or disappointing directions. Becoming a confident and responsible actor, working on becoming self-possessed, reliable, mobile, and tactile. That's even harder than what I'm already doing. But it's the next step for sure!

[foggyparadisecandy]

Safe Hypnosis Play - Beware the Jerks

I despise the a-holes trying to convince people to listen to hypnosis files without any regard for proper care.

They always try to sound neutral and un-invested in the outcome but they really don't give a crap about you or your well-being and, in fact, seem to be gleefully rubbing their hands convincing people to engage in self-destructive behavior.

When you hear these arguments, replace "hypnosis files" with "meth" and see how the argument holds up (or, more likely, doesn't). "You need to be open. Give *METH* a chance and just let go and experience it. If you become biased before trying *METH* ... well of course your experience will be bad." "Yes, it's true that some people have a problem with *METH* but I know many who don't. Those people love *METH* and just have fun with it. Until you try *METH*, you just don't know how it will be for you. I say try *METH*." "It's such bull how everyone gives *METH* a bad rap. I've never done it but I know that *METH* can't change the way you think permanently. That's just scare stories and hypes up the desire to take *METH*." "Everyone knows that *METH* can't make you do anything you don't really want to do. If you find *METH* making you think certain things, that's because you want those things. *METH* had nothing to do it so you might as well sit back and enjoy it and get over your hang ups." Some will argue this analogy and say that drugs cause physical dependencies and hypnosis cannot do that.

I'll concede there is a difference between trancing to have a simple trigger installed and files designed with conditioning effects intentionally embedded to create a pattern of programmed behaviors. ARE YOU TRANCING OR BEING CONDITIONED?

Cults can look horrific, foolish, moronic, and unfathomable to those of us on the outside. And yet ... somehow their members faithfully follow along and drink the kool-aid.

Members ease into these belief systems and soon can't imagine any other way of life. They defend their beliefs and actions and resist attempts to pull them free.

Are those people role playing?

Are they all morons?

Are they all mentally damaged (I would argue yes on that one but they probably didn't start that way)?

Unfortunately for those of us who love to trance and escape ourselves, the rules and principles of conditioning have been effectively combined with high production value hypnotic files to create deeply powerful, seductive, arousing systems of interlinked commands, triggers, sensations, feelings, and compulsions to keep you coming back for more and more.

BE SAFE - PLAY SAFE - CARE FOR YOURSELF

Don't dismiss the concerns.

Don't listen to those who would dismiss the concerns.

Don't assume you would be the one person in a thousand who takes meth with no negative consequences.

Assume the opposite.

Assume you need to protect yourself.

Start from that premise with any and all hypnosis - whether it's a file or a one-on-one relationship.

And re-evaluate your choices as you go.

If you found a file or a particular tist "fun" initially and now find yourself feeling the desperate need to come back to them ... well ... you might have a problem.

And that problem might be the simple feelings of a deep relationship that naturally forms between a hypnotist and a subject.

Or it might be a planned conditioning to make you want to come back for more and more.

Be safe.

I know I mention this a lot but if anyone wants, I am happy to help you find your "Rock of Protection" that will help you stave off uncomfortable trances and eliminate bad triggers, compulsions, and feelings.

I've used it on myself and a few others to great effect.

Play safe everyone.

[freesia-writes]

Author Self-Promotion?! OKAY!! ;)

Rule: post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to Ao3. If you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics. Thanks for the tag @elismor!

From newest to oldest... I only have five... Just started in February. ;) LOL. All my writing is PG-13. <3

1. Quantum Entanglement: Howzer and Aurelia

Neon lights of every color illuminated the inside of 79s, bathing its wide variety of occupants in a vibrant wash of hues. The place was filled with raucous laughter, loud conversations, and the constant thump thump of the bass from the speakers. The music gave it a boisterous feeling, further contributing to the overall atmosphere of letting go and blowing off some steam. Clones in all states of attire were there, as well as a colorful variety of other characters and species.

"You couldn't handle this even if you did want to!" a clone called out as a leggy Pantoran stalked out the door. He turned back to the bar, finishing his drink and setting the mug on the counter. Another clone approached from behind, clapping him on the back and dropping onto the stool next to him.

"Another one?" the newcomer quizzed, lifting his eyebrows in fake surprise, "Well son of a Hutt. It just doesn't make any sense, Howzer."

2. Gregor x Reader: A Series of Dates

You take your hair down again, for the eighth time it seems, letting out a frustrated huff that it seems to be defying your every wish. Glancing at the clock, you feel the anxiety begin to rise, and you make one last attempt at twisting your hair into a half-decent updo. Standing in front of the mirror, you smooth the front of your clothes, studying yourself top to bottom with a critical eye. Why did you agree to this, again? Well, you didn't, you suppose, but you did make the bet, which you lost, and here you are. You cringe as you remember your friend's laughter as he reassured you, "Don't worry -- he's not like the other clones."

3. Tech's Fall: What We Didn't See

Phee had always told herself she would be independent. Capable. Self-sufficient. Strong. She didn't need anyone but enjoyed the company of others... a little too much, recently. The squad of "deviant" clones had left a lasting impression in her life that she hadn't quite been able to shake, especially the demeanor and appeal of one bespectacled crew member in particular. 

So when she put a tracking beacon on the Marauder, she told herself it was for practicality, for protection. She wasn't one of those clingy sorts who got too attached and fawned over someone; she was a clever and skilled woman who thought of backups and contingency plans for herself and those she... loved?

4. The Bad Batch: Tech and Vel

"Steady, Wrecker..." Crosshair said smoothly, lifting his left elbow to bring his sniper to his shoulder plate, "We will be finished in a moment."

"We either do it now, or I go down there and do it myself," Wrecker replied, "This has taken... three times too long! I'm starving!"

"Well, select your next meal, then. Here he is," came the silken retort. The target came into view, a short, fat little politician flanked by two guards. His chin quivered as he walked, bent over his datapad, engaged in an intense discussion on a comlink in his hand. A taxi whizzed by, causing people to hustle to the side. A few choice words came flying after him from the left guard, but there was nothing more to it.

Except that it was the precise gap Crosshair had been waiting for. His finger tightened on the trigger, and he shifted the toothpick to the other side of his mouth.

5. Rivalry: Tech x Crosshair x You

It had made sense to have a medic on board for this series of missions, but apparently it had also come with an unexpected set of challenges that you hadn't anticipated when you signed on. An unassuming yet proficient individual, you were assigned to the Marauder crew for a short stint to ensure they could achieve a variety of objectives in obscure locations in the Outer Rim without coming in. Others have described you as "promising" and "confident", yet among this batch of deviant clones, you feel considerably ill-equipped in most any situation outside of the medical treatments for which you've been trained. Impossibly capable, ingenious, and talented, they continue to amaze you in the things they can pull off (as well as in the variety of injuries with which they return to the ship). 

After a few days, you feel relatively settled. You keep to yourself mostly but enjoy the company of any one of the clones who opt to spend time with you beyond that which is medically necessary. Games of dejarik, intellectual conversations, entertaining stories... It's been a thoroughly enjoyable time getting to know each one individually. 

Two in particular have connected with you from the start, which was surprising to you because they seem as though they couldn't be more different. 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

No pressure tags: @l-lend @annwayne @lightwise @drafthorsemath @dangraccoon @marierg

[miyuki-leo]

Strangers on the internet can be extremely toxic and nasty.

Some time ago, during one of my various cold turkey detox attempts, I was engaging with other people on a popular addiction recovery forum.

I no longer have any trusted friends. I used to know everyone in the area where I live, but for 3 years I was in a place where I couldn't use the phone, internet, and couldn't go outside, so I lost contact with everyone. When I regained my freedom, I didn't want to reconnect.

Now I only have superficial acquaintances: work colleagues, regular clients, neighbors, etc.

On the forum, I had started reporting on my withdrawal progress, even just to help those who wanted to go through it alone at home.

And I thought that having people to talk to or ask for advice during such a fragile time could be very helpful to me.

I had also shared how guilty I felt for the times when my boyfriend had to go out in bad weather, trying to find the substance and walking around for hours during the night.

I was forbidden from doing it alone.

On one hand, he said he was being protective of me, not wanting to risk me interacting with shady individuals or getting arrested. However, I know how jealous and suspicious he always was. Even though I never cheated on him (or anyone else in my life), he was convinced that I could meet someone while buying drugs and cheat on him.

People on that forum tore me apart, calling me opportunistic and selfish, saying I should be ashamed to send someone else to solve my problems.

They told me that I need to grow up and that if I decided to be an addict, then even if I'm sick, I have to take responsibility for it myself...

All of this, despite the fact that I made it clear he also had addiction issues and certainly wasn’t going to buy it just for me.

Now that I am a few years older and have much more maturity and understanding, I know they were wrong. However, for years, I believed them, and this is one of the reasons I stayed in a toxic relationship. He always blamed me for everything, and having strangers confirm it convinced me to believe it completely.

Sometimes it's better to be careful and not express opinions if you don't have the full picture.

You can ruin someone's life for years just because you were in a bad mood when you sat down at your PC keyboard.

[liviavanrouge]

Hated Oc Rivals Meet(Trigger warning)

Maria(My Hero Academia Abby Aizawa Rival): *Sighs, fixing her hair*

Jane(Attack on Titan Layla Ackerman Rival): *Looks over as the door opens*

Ophelia (Fire Force Melody Melody Rival): *Walks in, shutting the door behind her*

Maria: OH HELL NO!

Ophelia: What....

Maria: Look....I get that people don't like me for mentally and physically abusing Abby, BUT THEY HATE ME AT THE SAME LEVEL AS THIS BITCH!

Jane: Yeah *Nods*

Ophelia: Maybe more than me...

Maria: That's some bull...

Ophelia: The way you broke Abby, that was disrespectful

Maria: Yeah maybe until the Sports Festival Arc, but I've grown, me and her are friends again and I've been more protective of my best friend!

Ophelia: But you grew to be a bigger Bitch to everyone but her!

Jane: I will never forgive you for slapping Deku! NEVER!

Maria: YOU TRIED TO KILL LAYLA! IN FRONT OF LEVI AND EREN!!!

Jane: Look I know what I've done was wrong...

Maria: But you tried to break Levi's heart more...

Jane: GIRL! it's attack on Titan! She's dead now anyway and even if she didn't die during the Beast Titan Fight saving her kids she would've died eventually!

Sarah(Obey Me Sarafina Rival): But imagine being hated for just wanting Lucifer!

Jane: YOU TRIED TO SCREW A MAN WHO'S MARRIED AND HAS SEVERAL KIDS!

Sarah: Okay, like this hoe behind me ain't try and do worst!

Perish(Death Note Octavia Rival): What...L is cute..I know he had a wife and kids along with a third child on the way, but uhm...I couldn't help myself

Sarah: And you said I did the worst, she tried to screw a man who had a third child on the way, the one I tried to screw had no children on the way and his children was growing up healthy and fine!

Maple(Twisted Wonderland Livia Rival): All I wanted was Jack and that hoe had to steal him from me..

Maria: Honey he wouldn't take you back even if you killed that girl...

Ophelia: He definitely wouldn't...

Maple: I know the bitches that wouldn't give up ain't talking either...

Koila(Tokyo Revengers Dahlia Rival): What I wanna know! Is why Mikey chose Dahlia over me! When I knew him since we were kids!!!

Maria: I gotta admit it Dahlia and Mikey are cute together, I don't think you two would've lasted a day...

Sarah: I will be honest Abby and Amajiki bring officially together in the My Hero Academia Manga near the end is so cute, but it was heart breaking when he witnessed Shigaraki murder her...

Nalu(Demon Slayer Lily Rival): I WANTED TO KILL LILY, BUT TOMIOKA GOT IN MY WAY!

Jane: WOAHHHH! Tomioka loves Lily even though she is a demon and the fact that she feeds off of his love and affection for her is downright adorable and fluffy! Don't talk about my girl like that...now this bitch here though...

Hazel(Blue Period Amethyst Rival): *Points to herself*

Jane: YES YOU! HOE!

Hazel: Ugh excuse you...

Koila: you're excused! But honey driving Amethyst to attempt suicide Several times is not cool baby...

Hazel: That witch doesn't deserve to live!

Perish: Neither do you...

Momoi(Kuroko no Basket Rival to Crystal): Wait why am I here...

Sarah: YES! Why is she here she's not that hated...

Maple: Agreed, she did back off and help Kuroko get together with Crystal...why is she hated...

Momoi: EXACTLY!

Miete(Food Wars Aisha Rival): Does that apply to me too...

Momoi: No you deserve to be here...

Perish: One hundred percent...

Maria: You're the most hated out of all of us...

Sarah: Why would you 1. Try to date Kurokiba when you find out he's dating Aisha, 2. Mess up Aisha's recipe so she couldn't move to the next round, 3. Challenge Aisha for her No. 2 seat, 4. After the timeskip to when they're adults you got Kurokiba drunk and screwed him causing you to have bare child and causing the two to break off their engagement

Miete: I mean...she went and married Soma afterwards, so win win...

Sarah: You're a disgrace you know that...

Miete: Yes I do and I'm proud of what I've done!

[mechanicalsquid]

feeling the Eldest Daughter Syndrome™ a bit lately plus other ✨ emotions ✨ so this is a little rambly, venty post about that.

(tw's for some very brief mentions of depression and anxiety)

I want to be a kid again. When was the last time I was a kid? carefree? was I ever a kid? in elementary school I was the "gifted kid", the "mature" one, always put on a pedestal as the example for my brothers. always used as a comparison. my parents asking "why can't your brothers be more like you?" what they saw was a daughter with straight A's while a leader on their robotics team, a successful athlete, and balancing other clubs. this is what they saw up through college, 8+ years of this. 8-12 fucking years. over half my life. what they didn't see was how much that broke me. they never saw that I would wake up at 4:30 in the morning (a habit started in fourth grade) in order to do my homework. because I a) couldn't focus after school due to likely having undiagnosed adhd, and b) was so exhausted. by the end of high school, my typical routine was: up between 5-6, do homework, go to school from 7-2:30, go to cross country/track/robotics from 3-5, and then would often stay till 6 or 7 doing extra testing or drive practice for robotics, go home to eat and do dishes and maybe attempt more homework before passing out at midnight. my entire life revolved around school and extracurriculars, never proper time for friends. a similar story through college. they didn't see how much of myself was lost after pouring it into college. the burnout that resulted. they never saw the panic attacks or breakdowns, how bad my mental health declined, the nights crying myself to sleep because everything was so overwhelming and because I would be a disappointment if I didn't perform to the expectations set for me. because the one time I did tell my mom that I felt depressed, she invalidated my feelings and said that maybe I was just anxious and should just try eating better. because later that summer, after a camping trip with friends, she told me that "being depressed isn't an excuse and you need to suck it up" because I didn't engage "properly" and "wasn't having fun" with everyone. I can't show negative emotions without consequences. I must always be happy. I must always be on my best behavior. I must be the role model. perfect. always perfect. no mistakes. If I fail, no, if /I'm/ a failure all Hell breaks loose. I'm an awful daughter (where did my mom go wrong? what did she do to deserve this?). if I do something wrong or make a mistake then I'm terrible. if my brothers make a mistake or forget to do something, it's my fault for not reminding them (even though one is almost 20). all outrage, all emotions are directed to me. through me. I will never have the peace after a hurricane. if my parents are able to calmly talk to my brother about a task or something he did wrong, it's likely because they have no rage left after using it on me, leaving me a sobbing mess. I will always take the blame, whether by choice or not. will take the brunt of the force, protecting my brothers without them knowing. they will never know. defending my youngest brother before my mom can yell at him (her form of communication. she wonders why my brothers and I have a hard time properly communicating with each other. I don't). being his parent for 12 years so he actually has one. so he can experience kindness and compassion. so he actually has someone who understands what he's dealing with with his adhd and doesn't just dismiss him or yell at him because of the way his symptoms present. trying to re-parent myself in the process. being scared of myself whenever I become my parents. trying to rid myself of them. of their anger. of their disappointment. of all of it. will I ever be rid of it? will I ever be just me? how long will their rage consume me? have I already been consumed? when did they corrupt me? I want to be a kid again. was I ever a kid? can one be a kid if they are their own parent? I will always be the parent, the therapist. the one my parents and friends vent to. the one trying to fix everyone else. the one who needs fixing. I want to be fixed. I want to be loved. I don't want to be a parent anymore. I want to be a kid. I will never be a kid.