#And if I had to be traumatized by this knowledge

[heavenorhella2001]

This had never occurred to me way back when when I first watched playthroughs of the game/played it myself, but;

Seeing this post made me remember Max's nightmare, when she was trapped in her own mind/a broken version of reality.

And seeing this now?

Max definitely has PTSD.

Everyone always primarily discusses/ focuses on Chloe's trauma (which is understandable. I'll always be a Chloe defender and don't want to downplay her trauma by any means.)

But, unfortunately, Max's is overlooked.

Now, a lot of people might view this skeptically, question the idea of Max having PTSD. To many, it might seem like Max doesn't really have any lasting form of major trauma after the events of the game. Maybe she really was content and at peace and happy-go-lucky. (I've always scoffed at that scene at Chloe's funeral, when Max smiles at the butterfly.) And I'll admit, within the context of the story maybe we aren't supposed to think so. But if that's the case I just have to assume that's due to the developing team's lack of knowledge, experience with mental health and how it works, the impact things like this have on someone. Not that they are coming from a malicious place, of course. But very rarely does a person 'get it' unless they've been through it themselves. The average person simply won't understand.

But if you see everything I've described here as it's laid out, it makes total sense;

Let's talk about Jefferson. He is just one of many elements in the game contributing to Max's trauma. He was her teacher, someone she looked up to, respected, and was supposed to be able to trust. She truly felt safe around him. It's implied she had a crush on him. But her image of him completely shattered. After the truth about him was revealed, she was no longer able to trust her own judgement of people, her perception of reality.

He drugged her when she was vulnerable, and she was helpless to watch as he shot and killed the love of her life right in front of her. He kidnapped her, and she was thrown from the frying pan right into the fire. When she woke up she was tied up in a basement, helpless, and he had burned all her photos. Not only precious memories, but also one of her only means of going back and fixing things. He then took photos of her, over and over, this went on for who knows how long, while she was drugged, tied up and helpless, in order to satisfy his own perversions. Throughout, he mocked and tormented her.

Then, let's go into what happened with Chloe. Having to watch her best friend, the girl she loved, die over and over and over again. Max felt responsible for fixing it, preventing it, because she was the only one who possibly could. She would blame herself, think of it as a failure on her part each time Chloe died.

After watching her die in various ways, so many times, I'm sure Max questioned if she really even could save Chloe- or if Chloe was supposed to die from the start, and the universe was determined to restore the balance, no matter what Max did or how hard she tried.

And then there's Kate. This could go one of two ways depending on your choices, one of which is infinitely worse and more traumatizing, but either way it would definitely have haunted Max and left an impact on her.

Imagine how you would feel, knowing one of your closest friends was being bullied. Knowing they have been drunk/drugged and taken advantage of at a party. Yet instead of anyone coming forward, doing the right thing and helping Kate out of that situation, everyone at the party instead weaponized it, used it against her, slut-shamed her even though she wasn't in her right mind, was barely even conscious and was in no way able to consent to anything that was happening. Not that slut-shaming her would have in any way been okay or excusable even if Kate was acting of her own volition. Knowing that, even though you don't agree/don't identify with that, that your friend is deeply religious and clings to faith as a means of comfort. Knowing that she feels like a failure, that she feels like she's betrayed her faith, everything she stands for, and her family, even though she was in fact a victim in her situation. Being able to read letters, watching her family victim-blame her, hide behind their beliefs as a means to tear down someone they should feel obligated to protect, to support. Watching your friend be alienated by everyone around her, including her own family. Watching the school bullies write obscenities about your friend on the walls, and in the bathroom, make jabs at her and taunt her at every possible opportunity. Your friend's light has begun to dim, she starts pulling away from you, begins hiding away in her room more, which now feels like a dark, oppresive void. You know your friend is depressed, and you're trying to be supportive in any way you can, but there's a distance building between you you feel you can't bridge.

Then it happens. She kills herself/tries to kill herself. In front of you, and everyone who tormented her. Even then, the people who hurt her have no shame, laughing and recording her when she's in crisis. You begin to question and blame yourself, blaming youself for not noticing something was severely wrong earlier, not recognizing the impending signs for what they were. You want to help your friend, to save her, but your powers at failing you at the worst possible time. You only get one chance to do this, like everyone else, and you have to do it the right way.

If Max managed to talk Kate down, that's still an instense emotional weight, still a serious event to work through and process.

If Kate jumps…well…

Max feels like a failure. Like she contributed to Kate's death just as much as everyone else. Like she may as well have pushed Kate off that ledge herself. Not only watching your friend die in front of you, but knowing that it was self-inflicted in a moment of desperation, that they chose to do so and your words had no effect…

Now, the end of the game. Depending on what you choose, Max either has to to feel an immeasurable weight on her conscience, the responsibility for the destruction of the town where she was born. Where she grew up. Where she has countless memories, despite its' faults. The deaths of almost everyone there she's ever known.

Including (especially) Joyce.

The guilt of feeling like she took Chloe's mom away from her too, after Chloe had already lost her dad.

Oh. And that reminds me.

It was an incredible miracle, Max discovering her ability to go back through time via photos. Being able to go back 5 years, to when she and Chloe were only 13, before all the horror had happened, and save William. The sense of sheer relief, happiness and accomplishment she felt. She felt like a hero.

Only for it to all blow up in her face in the worst possible way.

Seeing Chloe, now a total shell of her former self. Completely disabled, and paralyzed. Helpless. Unable to live on her own. Seeing firsthand the emotional and financial stress William and Joyce are going through as a result of the accident. Chloe having so little quality of life that she pleads with Max to kill her, because she can't even do it herself.

(This is not my narrative or opinion on Chloe's situation, by the way. This is how it's portrayed. Quality of life, determining whether your life is worth living to due a life-changing accident or consequent disability is the choice of the invidual whom it effects. I'm not saying that anyone in Chloe's situation, who is paralyzed would inherently have no quality of life or no reason to live. That really depends on the invidiual, what that person needs in order to truly live and thrive, whether that person has family and friends and an emotional/practical support system in their life, etc. For Chloe, for me, and for many other people, though not all, living that kind of life would not be worth it.)

Max, depending on your choices, having to kill Chloe, to choose the merciful path, allow Chloe to exercise her autonomy in a world in which she can no longer do so and put her out of her misery. Knowing that she's doing for Chloe what she'd want someone to do for her if she were in that situation, yet still full of pain and regrets.

Max then having to go back and undo it all. Allow William to die again. Watch Chloe experience that horror and trauma again, knowing now she could've prevented it. But at what cost?

Lastly, if you chose to let Chloe go. To let her die.

That makes it immeasurably worse in my opinion.

The week she and Chloe spent together, reconnecting and rebulding their friendship, everything they went through together, would essentially never have happened.

Chloe, in this timeline, died alone in a bathroom. She never recieved any sort of closure, never got to know what happened to Rachel, questioning if Rachel perhaps just abandoned her, similarly to how Max did.

She never got to resolve things with Max, never heard from her again. She never got to know that Max still loved her, still cared about her and thought of her, but was too scared and guilty to reach out.

She never got to patch up things with her mom, or with David.

Everything Max went through. Everything she experienced.

To recap:

Having to watch her best friend, the woman she loves, die over and over again, feeling helpless, trapped in this endless, hellish cycle of death.

Being lulled into a false sense of security, betrayed and abducted by someone she thought she could trust, someone she looked up to.

Witnessing firsthand Kate's suicide/attempt, feeling like she failed her.

Being forced to let William die again, and force Joyce and Chloe to suffer that loss again.

Having to watch Joyce mourn her only daughter, after already losing her husband. Knowing she could've prevented it.

Everything that happened would still exist, but only in Max's mind.

She has no one she could ever confide in, talk to, or open up about it.

Chloe, for her, was that person.

No one would believe her, albeit understandably.

It's implied her powers vanish after she goes back that final time to let Chloe die.

She'd have no way to prove her story was true.

Carrying the weight of that burden, that knowledge and trauma, alone, would drive anyone insane.

Feeling like everything she went through, all the efforts she made to keep Chloe alive, were pointless.

I don't believe there is any way Max could be okay after that.

She'd be a hollow shell, just going through the motions. Totally disconnected from the world and the people around her. (Understandably. Who the hell could she connect to? Who would understand her?) Everyone at Blackwell, and their student lives and petty drama would feel so insignificant. So incredibly stupid and shallow to Max after what she's been through.

In fact, I've always felt - years after the events of the game, were you to choose to let Chloe die - that Max likely killed herself.

Over time, she probably began to question herself, to feel crazy, and begin wondering whether any of what happened, actually did, or if it was just something her mind created.

Max's trauma, her thoughts and emotions in regards to all of this are reflected in this part of the game, her mental breakdown. You can see her self-loathing, the way she blames and criticizes herself, in her interactions with herself and in her distorted journal entries.

Anyway. I never really liked Max all that much as a protagonist.

I thought she was a pushover, a little shallow, cared too much about what people like Victoria thought of her. I thought it was pretty unforgivable the way she ghosted Chloe, at the most traumatic, formative time of Chloe's life, when she had just lost the most important person in her life, besides Max. I understand anxiety, feeling awkward, helpless and flailing in that situation and not knowing what to say or do to make it better, but it just doesn't matter to me. Nothing excuses that.

However…

Max, did ultimately (well, depending on your choice at the ending,) make it right.

This has given me some perspective, and I have a lot more empathy for her now.

     you thought you could control everybody and everything, huh?      —   twist time around your fingers?

[peachysunrize]

All Too Well ⥃ modern!Aemond Targaryen

Summary: a reunion with your ex boyfriend at his mom’s Christmas party shouldn’t end with limbs tangled under a christmas tree, should it?

Warnings: 18+ mdni! Mentions of toxic relationships, Aemond goes to therapy, smut, angst, p in v, oral (F receiving), breeding, secret relationships, alcohol, arguments, drunk sex!!! English is not my first language<3

Word count: 4.3k+

A/n: soooo this happened lol and ALSO THANK YOU TO THE ANON WHO GAVE ME THIS IDEA!!! I hope you enjoy this!! Comments & reblogs are more than appreciated💕💕

I don’t have a taglist so please follow and turn on notifications for @peachysunrizefics <3

Tension surprisingly is not high tonight despite the entire family being present. Perhaps the three glasses of mulled wine Aegon has thrust into your hand are doing the magic at keeping you sane — or perhaps you are too busy trying to escape the dark gaze of your ex-boyfriend.

It is… something to say the least; Alicent’s party is always extravagant, beautiful, and cozy. She outdoes herself each year by going above and beyond to prepare the eve with the most delicious meals and new drinks, terrifyingly expensive gifts, and last but not least, decorating the mansion with the most eye-catching milestones in every corner — probably Aegon’s doing — and a Christmas tree in every room.

You take a long sip from your glass, humming as the spices in the wine hit your tongue, Aegon’s sigh making you roll your eyes in annoyance.

“What?” You hiss, glaring at him as he shrugs and leans on the wall behind you, “It was your brilliant idea to join your family, not mine.”

“Yeah, but you’re sulking worse than me, and no one here has traumatized ya before,” he whispers, pouting as he takes a long swig from his glass, giving you a small yet quick smile.

You sneer at him, recalling every single pain a certain member of this family has put you through. All the tears and screams you shed for him on the bathroom floor, the days you called in sick because you had cried your energy out the night before, the hours you had to spend with Aegon with a fake smile plastered on your face because he could not know anything about your broken heart.

After all, it all happened due to the forced secrecy.

“Right,” you scoff, finishing your drink in one sip before looking at Aegon’s family conversing, only one person keeping himself invisible in the shadows, “That’s why you told me your… brother won’t be here.”

“That has nothing to do with trauma, dumbass,” Aegon says, walking to the long dining table in front of you to grab a bottle of wine and pour a generous amount in his glass, “It’s not like my brother has any interest in you, he is just a fucking sociopath, and a bit fucking weird but ‘s all.”

“Let’s not talk about him,” you exhale sharply, trying to ignore your friend’s point, yet again, the lack of knowledge on what has really happened between you and his younger brother. How could he when Aemond tried his hardest to keep you his secret, a forbidden captive to pour his deranged love into?

You loved him, and he did too! His love was everything you could ever imagine; it was pure, lovely, so warm and world consuming. But then something shifted in him, he wanted you in his corner of the world, tucked away from every eye.

It all started with subtle hints you tried to ignore; you were fine with being his forbidden romance, his lover in the shadows and you knew all too well why he wanted you kept in the dark. He was so in love, so smitten with the way you smelt, the way your lips curled in a smile, your messy hair on the hotel’s soft pillow. 

Your eyes wander around the room, finding Aemond’s eye already on you, his gaze sending shivers down your spine. His eye still weakens your knees; his stare is enough to make your throat dry and your hands tremble. There is not much to do especially when you are used to being the subject of his unwavering attention — most of the time, you would blush and swoon over how he wouldn’t take his eye off you when you both lay on the bed together, but it equally unnerved you how he used to act in front of other people as if he could not care less about your existence, and when he did he was scaring off other men, not allowing them even to have a normal conversation with you.

You avert your eyes back to your glass before you move towards the dining table to grab something to eat and keep your mind from thinking about him and ultimately ruining your night. The spicy taste of Alicent’s cheese twist distracts you for a little, and you can find the strength to look back at Aegon and ignore the piercing gaze of his younger brother.

“This tastes good, your Mum is an amazing cook,” you say, taking another one to stuff your mouth with, and washing it down with a freshly poured wine from your glass.

“Yeah, as if she doesn’t have a whole ass kitchen staff ready downstairs,” he chuckles and steals a bite from your twist, making a gagging sound at the taste, “Holy fuck, how can you eat this crap? It feels like I’ve dumped an entire jalapeno down my throat. Aemond is the same, he can never go without adding kilos of pepper to his food.”

“Stop, Aegon,” you hiss at him, shaking your head as you pinch your friend’s side, “How many times have I told you not to mention him in front of me?”

“Many fucking times,” he groans and leans on his elbows on the table, “I don’t get why you are so defensive about him. He’s a good kid!”

“He forgot my birthday and took you and your family on a fucking trip, so yes, I don’t want to think about him,” you tell him, sighing loudly before leaning back on the wall behind you, “Besides, he always treats me like a piece of trash!”

“He does that to everyone! You’re not different, lemme tell you that,” You know Aegon wants to make you feel better, you know that, but when he utters those words, you can not help but think about how much that statement is true; Aemond treated you like another person who did not deserve him in public while he hated everyone who breathed the same air as you. It was confusing, it was heartbreaking.

You glance back at the spot where you last saw him, only to find him finishing another shot of whiskey, his lips pressed into a thin line as he looks down at his shoes with disdain written all over his face. He looks troubled, his mind is probably racing with a hundred thoughts; you know him too well, all those nights spent in his arms only to listen to his soft murmurs about his family that would always lead to him telling you how much he appreciates and adores you, but can’t let anyone see you being in a relationship with him.

Perhaps it was the duality between obsession and indifference that drove you apart.

With another sigh, you leave Aegon to let him go socialize with his family, smirking when he glares at you with a scowl on his face. But you need to get out of this place and hide somewhere because the more you spend in this huge hall, the more the walls get closer. 

You do not spare him another glance before you walk out of the hall and upstairs, going to the closest bathroom to have a minute for yourself away from him, in hopes of pushing his thoughts out of your head. You can feel the intensity of his stare as he watches you leave, his eye not once leaving your silhouette as you try to hide yourself from him.

You slam the door shut as soon as you step inside the bathroom, chest heaving with each breath; seeing him was enough damage, but to feel him yearning from across the room is worse. You want nothing more than to vanish from this place and never be seen again, but you can’t, and it pains you deeply because you need to walk out of this door with your head held high and act all happy and comfortable while you are bothered by Aemond’s presence immensely.

You put your glass down on the edge of the bathroom sink before you turn on the water and splash some on your face, not caring if you have ruined your makeup or not. The coldness of the water eases your mind a bit, helping you gather your thoughts, but it is not enough, nor were the drinks you took earlier. When it comes to him, nothing is enough to take the edge off.

Looking at yourself in the mirror reminds you of how much you miss having his arms wrapped around you when you were getting ready to leave his apartment or the hotel room, at that moment nothing seemed so out of place, but it all came crashing down because of the two worlds he created and danced around them for too long.

Shaking your head slightly, you take a long and deep breath before grabbing your glass again and leaving the bathroom. You had no wish to go back downstairs, not anymore at least. With one last breath, you close the door before you and march towards another staircase leading to a sitting room you always loved to spend time in when Alicent would invite you over.

Without looking inside the room you open the door and walk inside, making sure to close it with little to no sound, but when you turn around and look up, you find Aemond there, standing in front of the large windows of the room with a glass of whiskey in his hands.

“I–I’m sorry, I’ll leave—”

“Hey-no, no!” he cuts you off quickly, his good eye wide in surprise and fear before he gestures for you to sit, “Don’t, I mean… you don’t have to leave.”

“I don’t wanna disturb you,” you huff nervously, your grip tightening around your glass as you look at him with an equally shocked expression, “I’m so sorry I just—”

“Stay,” he says, and you can see how he swallows his words nervously, his walls crumbling slightly the longer he keeps looking at you, “The room is big enough for at least twenty people so… we’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure—” “Just make yourself at home,” he replies, giving you a small smile before he turns his back to you to stare out of the window, watching the snowfall.

You know he is waiting for you to approach and sit on the loveseat in front of the fireplace but you go and stand in front of the other window on the opposite side of the fireplace from where he is standing, sipping on your drink to distract yourself from thinking about him, which is nearly impossible because you can smell his bitter and cold cologne from here.

You glance at him, finding him nursing on his whiskey; it has been too long since you have seen him so put together and… beautiful. He is wearing an all-black outfit, dress pants, and a black long-sleeve shirt which he has undone the first button. His hair is neatly brushed and he has pulled his locks in his signature halfway-up way that brings his face out more.

You drag your eyes to his hands, clattered in simple silver rings, watching his fingers tap the metal against the glass before you see him turn his body in your direction slightly. His eye meets yours for a second, and suddenly you are the girl who would jump with joy with one of his texts, the girl who would love feeling him breathing her scent in — it terrifies you, the power he holds over you.

“This was a bad idea—” you say, shaking your head but before you get the chance to walk away he grabs your wrist firmly, pulling you back a bit, “Aemond…”

“Don’t leave,” his voice breaks a little, his thumb caressing your pulse point as he looks at you the way he used to do when he would ask you to stay at his place, not wanting you to leave him for even one second.

“We can’t do this again, Aemond,” you say, tears burning your eyes when you look at his face, your heart clenching when you find him in the same situation; teary-eyed and trembling, “We shouldn’t because I can’t go back to the place I was months before—”

“We don’t have to, just listen to what I have to say, okay?” he lets go of your hand, putting his glass on the table in front of the loveseat, “I didn’t have the chance to say anything, you… you cut me off so out of the blue—” “Out of the blue?” you ask, voice dripping with shock and anger, “Out of the fucking blue, Aemond? Ignoring me when we were with your siblings, acting as if I didn’t exist when we were somewhere that we could run into someone you knew! And-and,” you chuckle in sadness, wiping that one tear that slips your eye, “You kept me your little secret while you would tell me that I’m your world, I’m gonna show you off to everyone, you sounded like you were obsessed with me but you couldn’t even hold my hand in front of your brother!”

“Because I couldn’t stomach the idea of you leaving me!” He shouts back, dropping his hands to his sides as he huffs out an angry breath, “I-I couldn’t imagine a world without you in it, and it terrified me so I thought it would be best to—”

“To what? To plan a fucking trip on my birthday and ignore my texts and calls for a whole week? Yeah? Or maybe you thought it best to act like I was a nobody to you when I tried to hold your hand in front of your friends. Which one is it, Aemond?” you step closer to him, craning your neck to look into his eye better, “So? How did it feel when your worlds merged and you lost me? Oh, wait, you didn’t lose anything because you couldn’t care less about me—”

“I care!” he raises his voice a little, fisting his hands to keep himself composed and not touch you the way he likes, “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here. I-I went through the worst thing you can imagine after you left me—”

“Don’t put the blame on me when everything happened because of you and your obsession with keeping me “all to yourself” while you barely looked at me when others were present!”

“Stop! Stop, stop—” he finally reaches up and cups your face in his hands, pulling you in even closer as he leans down to look straight into your eyes, “You’re right, I fucked it up, I…I ruined everything because I didn’t know how to handle my feelings. That… That trip was spontaneous, and I never forgave myself for doing that to you. My head…it gets really messy sometimes and I feared I would ruin the only good thing that’s ever happened to me, and I did, I ruined it.”

“You can’t excuse your actions—”

“I’m not!” he brings your face closer to his until you are only one breath away, “I… I’m sorry, for what I did to you, and-and I am going to therapy… because I thought I might somehow redeem myself.”

“You can’t expect me to take you back, not after what you put me through,” you rest your hands on his, gently pulling them down, letting the tears fall freely on your cheeks. 

It has been a long time since you held his hands in yours, and you can feel the itch in his skin as he tries to fight off the urge to wipe your tears. Maybe he has changed as he says, turned into a better man but you can not be sure, not after the hell you went through and managed to pull yourself together afterward.

“I’m not expecting you to take me back, but please know I deeply regret what I did, and I hope you give me another chance…”

You nod absentmindedly before dropping his hands and stepping away from him, walking towards the door as you try to muffle the sob that nearly escapes your throat, and with one last look at him, you open the door and leave the room.

Resting your back on the closed wooden door, you take a shaky breath, trying your best not to cry your eyes out in the hallway, but it is impossible; how can you not sob when you have been waiting to hear those words for so long? It does not matter if he is genuine or not, you just need to listen to him say he is sorry for what he did.

Now it feels like a weighted blanket has been lifted from you and you can breathe again.

Maybe he is sorry, maybe he is not, but there is something within you that makes your palms sweat. You bite your bottom lip, trying to shake the thoughts of him away, but the way he looked at you, how enamored he seemed… after all, many people close their eyes on logic when it comes to the person their heart is beating for.

It does not matter if you regret this the next day or not, you need to feel him, you need to know how it feels to be loved by him again; so with one last deep breath, you open the door and slam it shut before marching toward where Aemond is sitting — under the Christmas tree with a cigarette in his hand and an ashtray resting next to his hand.

“Wha–” you don’t let him finish, you kneel down in front of him and grab his face into your hands tightly, slamming your lips to his.

He moans, falling back on the ground with a soft thud as his free hand roams your back, feeling the soft silk fabric of your dress beneath his fingertips while he tries to find the ashtray with the other while never breaking the kiss.

“Mmm-are you sure?” he manages to ask between the kisses, finally putting out the cigarette. Now both of his hands come to rest on your waist, holding you close as he waits for you to answer.

“It doesn’t matter if it’ll be the last or the first of many, I just need to feel you,” you mumble against his lips before closing the gap again, letting the savory taste of your wine melt against his bitter whiskey and smoke.

The kiss is unlike anything you have shared before; it is passionate, late lovers reuniting, full of emotions that have been left unexplored yet so familiar and welcoming. It must be the alcohol in your system, but his hands on your body set your skin ablaze, and for the first time in a long time, you feel desperation in his movements.

He sits up quickly, his lips moving in sync with yours before he licks your bottom lip, asking for entrance and when you part your lips, he pushes his tongue in, tasting the wine from your mouth directly while his hands come up to rest on your back, one hand reaching to push the strap of your dress down, caressing the skin with such delicacy that it makes you melt beneath his touch.

He breaks the kiss, looking down at your face as both of you pant and cling to each other before he gently lifts you and switches your positions, lying you on the carpet next to the Christmas tree, humming in delight when you spread your legs to make room for him.

You reach up to pull him down again, lips sealing in another breathtaking kiss. He holds himself up by his elbows on either side of your head while he kisses you back, groaning when you wrap your legs around him and rock your hips up, rubbing your clothed core against his growing bulge.

He pulls back and trails his kisses down your jaw to the column of your throat, going lower with each kiss before he reaches your thighs. Aemond waits for you to give him the green light and when you nod he pushes your dress up to your hips, prepping your inner thighs with kisses and bites before he grabs the waistband of your underwear and pulls the fabric down dropping it to the side.

“Aemond…” you sigh when he wraps his fingers around your thighs and spreads them further, leaning in to lick a stripe from bottom to top, ignoring your shocked gasp as he starts feasting upon you — seems like you were not the only one who has been craving intimacy lately.

He flickers your clit with the tip of his tongue, his chin rubbing against your wet folds. He hums when he hears your little whines and sighs, spurring him on even more to go faster and drive you closer to your peak. 

Your hand goes to his perfectly shaped hair, tangling your fingers in his soft luscious locks. He opens his mouth and sucks on your buzzing nerves, dizzying your brain and clouding your mind with each lewd sound he makes.

He loves the way you push his head down and rock your hips up; he deserves this, to be smothered with your scent and taste, and he would die a happy man if you kept squeezing your legs around his head.

With a newfound determination, he pushes his tongue inside you, thrusting the steady muscle in and out while he reaches to play with your clit with his thumb, drawing fast and firm circles as he brings you closer to the edge of the euphoria.

You moan his name loudly, throwing your head back as your lips fall apart and your body as well, shaking in his strong grip when you come on his face, gushing your juices out with a cry, mind going blank as you shut the world out and focus on the waves of ecstasy that rock your body.

Aemond wipes your release from his face with his sleeve, crawling on top of you with a soft look in his eye before he bends down and pecks your lips while he fiddles with his belt and pants, unzipping them and pushing them down to his thighs, sighing in relief as soon as his cock is free from the tightness of the fabric.

“You’re too far away,” you whine and reach for him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, and nodding quickly when he gives you a few seconds to rethink this, “I want you, please…”

“Don’t beg, sweet girl,” he whispers, lining up his cockhead with your entrance, gently rubbing it up and down to gather some of your wetness before he starts pushing in slowly, “ I’ll give it to you, you don’t need to beg for anything, ever.”

You missed him; the closeness, the proximity, the way his cock always fills you so deliciously. Now with his cock inside you fully, he pulls you in for a kiss, moving inside you with shallow thrusts while his lips steal the breath from your lungs. 

He picks up his pace, his hips snapping to yours repeatedly, his cock reaching deep inside you. You arch your back, nails digging into his shoulders through his shirt as you break the kiss suddenly and moan out loud. His hand goes down to your thigh, lifting it higher a bit so he can reach even deeper inside you, fucking you faster and rougher, pouring his regrets into each thrust and snap of his hips.

“Look at you,” he breathes, the hand that was holding your leg up comes to cup your cheek, forcing you to look into his eyes as he gazes down at you, “So beautiful, so so gorgeous, fuck—”

You gasp, thighs quivering on the side of his hips as he brings you closer to the edge, him not being far behind either. He looks down at you so… lovingly, as if he is trying to memorize every up and down and lines on your face, counting your lashes and carving the shape of your lips in his mind while his cock throbs inside you.

You both reach your orgasms together; it is warm and slow, a heat that comes from the deepest part of your core and spreads like wildfire inside you, the same applies to him. He shakes and groans your name in your ear, burying his face in your neck as he drops his weight on top of you, hips thrusting slowly as he comes inside you, filling you up with every ounce of his being.

Aemond raises a bit, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear, looking down at you as if you hang the stars in his gloomy sky, and perhaps you do.

He finally pulls back, his soft cock slipping out of you with a wet sound and you watch him tuck himself back before he helps you up, handing you your underwear before he stands and holds his hand out for you.

Hesitantly, you take his hand and try to stand up on wobbly legs, but he is fast enough to steady you with his palm on your waist, tightening his grip on you when you bend down to pull your panties up, straightening your back before you look at him.

“I… Thank you.” is all you can say, giving him a small awkward smile before you step forward toward the door, but for the second time tonight, he grabs your wrist and threads his fingers through yours, leading you to the door himself, “What are you doing?”

“A second round never hurt anyone, right?” he asks hopefully, a small smile playing on his lips, “I can’t just let you go without giving you a proper orgasm on my bed.”

“Aemond, we can’t, what if someone sees us?” you ask, your heart beating so hard against your chest you can hear it in your ears, but Aemond doesn’t seem to care as he drags you toward the rooms upstairs, “Aemond!”

“Then let them see,” he shrugs and guides you on the stairs, and to your unfortunate luck Alicent and Aegon are coming downstairs, but Aemond pays them no mind as he leads you past them, ignoring Aegon’s shocked gasp and calls for his name.

Maybe he has changed, maybe.

[solanasreality]

†⠀⠀ㅤֺ⠀ BACK 2 THE BASICS : SIMPLIFYING THE LAW .

︖ ── the law is over complicated? let’s fix it. this is a complete switch on all the knowledge you’ve learned, so, prepare to throw everything out the window.

‿‿

﹒get rid of everything that you’ve had the displeasure of hearing—yes, this includes states, thinking as if, and wavering. we’re starting from scratch, or moreso, a simpler way at grasping the concept.

‿‿

the basics of the law 📓, the law of assumption is described by the general public as follows: whatever you assume to be true, will be true. this isn’t pure, dumb luck, this is the law, what you’ve used your entire life subconsciously and will continue to use for the rest of your life. it is the basics structures of your reality; it is life.

﹒ an assumption is described in the dictionary as this: a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.

this definition already proved the law of assumption is working constantly in your favor, and it always has. when you’re going to favorite store and your parent makes the assumption that they’ll be no parking space left—and then there’s no parking left. or when you’re getting prepared to take a test with the assumption you’ve failed, then you’ll start doing poorly on the test, because you’ve expected to fail.

“erm.. but solana… what if i expected to do poorly on the test and i passed???”

﹒ somewhere, in the middle of that test, subconsciously or not, you had an inkling of doubt in your assumption that you would fail. you stopped identifying with that thought, so, you shifted to a reality where you had identified with the opposite. you passing.

‿‿

clearing up some misconceptions 🪲, wavering doesn’t exist. a “delay” doesn’t exist, either. truthfully, i find it hard to pinpoint where you guys got your limitations from, but i’ll try to make it simple.

﹒you’ve been manifesting since the moment you’ve opened your eyes, why, only now that you’re consciously manifesting, that you feel the need to keep up with these terms? you’re doing nothing but changing your assumptions. an assumption is formed by just thinking. why not just constantly flip your thoughts?

and i get it—you’re traumatized. you’re brainwashed from what society has force-fed you for years. you need to place the law into categories to make it click, but why has it taken so long to click? the answer is simple: because you’ve been stressing yourself out.

﹒now, this is going to be controversial, but the truth. my truth. the most interesting thing about the law is how you can make assumptions ABOUT the law. believe there’s a separation between your mind and the outer world? there will be. believe there’s a delay? there will be. in this community, there seems to be some sort of “set guide” to understanding the law, and that comes with its own terms and conditions.

“don’t look for the 3D for validation!!” “stay in the wish fulfilled!!!!”

well, sometimes, we can be our own blockages. why would i need to limit myself in the state of the wish fulfilled, when i could just decide i have what i want and go on about my day? isn’t that the state of the wish fulfilled? what’s the point of the 3D and 4D separation if everything is internal? everything is consciousness?

what’s the point of the delay assumption? yes, you must change your shirt before you can get mad at the mirror for not reflecting it back to you, but that doesn’t mean the mirror is going to have a 5 second delay at showing your reflection. that doesn’t make sense.

‿‿

instead of worrying about the technicalities, do what you’ve always done, thinking a thought and sticking to it, and i promise you, they’ll be no wavering. there can only be wavering if you’re identifying with your thoughts, learn to ignore them and go about your day.

⊹ 𖥔

[circeyoru]

Shell of What’s Left Behind = Requested

[Traumatized!Sung Jinwoo x Former Close Friend!Reader]

The Request (revealed later on)

“Jinwoo, I don’t have a good vibe from this place…” You stuck close to him, clutching onto your weapon with a firm grip. It was a precious dagger that your family had brought for your raids, one that you treasured, and tied to the end of the dagger was a locket with a letter of goodbye if you ever end up on the unlucky side of things. At least your family would know you loved them with all your heart.

“It’s fine. This is a low-rank Gate. We can handle this. We’re at the rear anyways.” Jinwoo smiled. There wasn’t much room to refuse since he needed the money for his family. You were there because you wanted to be by his side; even with all the dangers and urges from your friends and family, you still joined him. 

Ƀēȼⱥᵾꞩē ɏꝋᵾ ⱳēɍē ħīꞩ ӻɍīēꞥđ.

No sooner, the raid began and reached its climax. Shouts of command, screams of pain, and splatters of blood were all around the raid team. It was a common sight for Hunters, but that didn’t mean it got any easier for them to treat it as normal. 

However, this battle was one that the team couldn’t win over. The monsters were overwhelming; losing the leader was a major blow and the team was in disarray. Like ants scattering about, the remaining team members all ran towards the exit. This was not something they could manage. You, being the caring self you were, carried the injured Jinwoo to the entrance. Despite the large wound across your chest and the minor cuts on your arms and legs, you pushed forward and shouted at him to stay awake until the end.

The glowing vortex was within sight, he somehow knew you turned your head to look back. That monster, that what was assumed to be the boss, was still chasing the remaining team, fighting for survival. In horror, the Gate was closing, the people in front immediately got through screaming. All that’s left are the two of you and that monster behind.

Your shaking hands reached for your dagger and had Jinwoo grip onto it. You cried, “I’m sorry, please live.” You got as close as possible to the Gate and threw Jinwoo over your shoulders and into the shrinking Gate. Jinwoo screamed your name. His sight of you with a bittersweet smile, though flipped upside-down, still didn’t help as his tears flowed. He knew. You knew. What was coming. You had turned back and charged at the monster with a battle cry. “Come after me, you vile thing!”

There, his vision went dark. The last thing he saw was the collapsed Gate that faded away, taking you along with it. 

“No!” Jinwoo screamed as he sprung up from his bed. His breathing heavy, as if he had been running a marathon as his weaker self, and his body covered in sweat. He looked around and found himself in his room. He looked down at his hands that gripped his blanket like a lifeline. These were hands that were trained until they were rough and calloused, and they were bigger than they once were. 

“My Liege?” Beru materialized beside his master, kneeling on one knee with his head bowed. “Is there something you want of me?”

Jinwoo’s hazed eyes glanced at his trusted Shadow. “No… Just… Just a nightmare…” That was an insult to your actions. “I mean… I just dreamed about that time.”

Beru’s antenna twitched, given his obsessive interest in historical drama and human knowledge from… unsavoury means, he was aware that this was a vulnerable moment for His Liege. “I will lend an ear if My Liege wants to share.”

His other Shadows, Igris and the others, popped their heads out of the shadows. A show of support, if you will, to their lord and master in his time of need. 

Jinwoo sighed. This wasn’t something he opened up about ever since it happened. He could still remember the devastated cries of your family and friends, and some were devastated enough that they blamed him for your death. While your body was never recovered due to the Gate’s collapse, it was impossible for you to be alive still. He agreed with the blame and insults; he criticized himself as well. You were loved and cared for, and you had a family to return to. Why did you sacrifice yourself for him?

For the first time, he told his Shadows all about you. Your bravery, your kindness, your selflessness. Also his guilt and vow; he’ll do everything in his power to protect his loved ones.

His Shadows unanimously agreed that you were a blessing to Jinwoo; if it weren’t for you, their master might not have been here, nor would they. Your sacrifice, though tragic, was well respected and praised between the Shadows. As more and more Shadows joined Jinwoo’s army, your tale was spread to each one, curtsy of Beru. Yet something happened…

It was another day in Jinwoo’s work as a Hunter. Since he was the pride and joy of the country, he was tasked with training newbies from time to time. This was one of them. Jinwoo was to take some higher-ranked Hunters into Gates and give them a practical lesson. As Jinwoo had his Shadows, no Gate challenged him. 

“You must all agree amongst yourselves for a leader to lead the raid and team. Communication is key when you enter a Gate; any disagreement or misstep will cost you everything.” Jinwoo stated, “But this time, we’re going into the Gate to learn hands-on about its environment, so team training… You’ll have to learn another time.”

And thus, Jinwoo and the newbies all stepped into the Gate. Everyone had their weapons in hand as they cautiously walked deeper and deeper into the dungeon. Jinwoo followed their lead behind while keeping his perceptive senses monitoring any incoming danger. The weirdest feeling of deja vu washed over him the longer they stayed in the dungeon. 

“There’s only dead bodies so far…”

“Is it cannibalism?”

“A fight among beasts?”

Yes. So far, they have only come across corpses in various stages of decomposition. Some looked as if it just died from all the twitching from presumably muscle memory, similar to how a snake would still move around after the head is chopped off for a few hours, and some were all bones. Then there were others in between that would make people gag.

“This isn’t right.” Jinwoo stopped the group. Everyone halted at his words, none daring to object. Jinwoo summoned his Shadows and told the Hunters, “Return back to the entrance with my Shadows. Tell the association people that I need to investigate this dungeon alone. No one comes in.”

“Right!”

“Yes, sir!”

Jinwoo watched as they left, he called front Igris to join him and the knight appeared by his side. “We’re going in.”

His steps echoed in the empty dungeon. Igris’ knight plates cling and clung with each move. Jinwoo’s eyes glanced around. This place was familiar. How could he forget? It took him so long to push back the trauma of that raid, still, he never forgot. The walls were lined with moss, the dungeon theme blended forest and cave together. Torched fires lined the sides to light the way. If his memories serve him right, and it does, the fire torches all lead to the boss room that started that tragedy all those years ago. 

“Jinwoo, I don’t have a good vibe from this place…”

“It’s fine. This is a low-rank Gate. We can handle this. We’re at the rear anyways.” Jinwoo spoke as he turned the corner. Igris glanced at his lord but played ignorance.

Jinwoo stopped at the entrance. He summoned his daggers. He took a deep breath and exhaled. It was time to put the past behind him. Just like that time with the Double Dungeon. This would be nothing. There are no moving statues and his Shadows are with him. It was a piece of cake compared to that time. It was just his nightmare brought to life. This is a sign to move on. You’d want that too.

Swiftly, he turned the corner and rushed towards the only living thing that his senses picked up. However, when his eyes landed on his target his form froze up. His daggers dropped to the ground. “No… No way…”

There, by the throne, was a slumped figure. A broken sword lying on the ground, the hand that released it. The figure was leaning against the throne’s side to rest. Clothes were all covered in dirt and blood; there were even holes here and there, exposing bare skin. Eyes closed, but the chest was moving up and down. 

Alive.

You were alive.

Jinwoo screamed your name and rushed forward, abandoning his daggers and Igris. He kneeled in front of you and inspected you closely; you were dirty, yes, but you weren’t wounded anymore. There was still that giant tear in front that showed your chest, so he took off his coat and wrapped it around you. As he was doing that, your eyes suddenly snapped open and you lunged at him, aiming for his neck.

The shock made him lose balance and he fell to his back. You saddled him and pushed your hands down on his neck, cutting off air supply. “Wait… It’s me….”

Igris wanted to act but Jinwoo had him and the others stay put.

The pressure you applied was stronger than he expected, but not strong enough for it to be life-threatening. “It’s me… Sung Jinwoo…”

You bore your teeth at him. Your head tilted to the left, then right as if glitching. Your eyes blinked with force. Your arms trembled. One of your hands removed from his neck to his forehead, pushing it down into the ground. “Hu…n…gr…y…. F…oo…”

Hungry. Food. You were talking. Albeit broken, but he could still understand and saw that you were acting on instinct. He opened his inventory where some bread was still left from the last time. “Sorry, but I have to do this.” He shoved the bread into your open mouth. “Eat! Chew it!”

With something in your mouth, you stopped with the assault and blinked. Your jaw moved and you started biting into the bread. Your hands removed themselves from Jinwoo’s form and pushed the bread deeper into your mouth to consume it. When it was done, you eyed Jinwoo again, your hands starting to position to where they were before.

“Wait! There’s more!” Jinwoo made more bread appear. 

Your attention shifted to the bread and grabbed them to consume it. You were so focused on eating all that bread that you didn’t even feel or care Jinwoo nudging you off of him, even moving you to sit on the throne to eat in peace.

He took the time to observe you. Apart from what he noticed before, you had dried blood at the crown of your head, some even stuck to your hair. Unconsciously, he reached for it and touched it, there was nothing, just smooth skin. He looked around at the empty dungeon, corpses of monsters laid around. He turned back to you and his heart ached. You survived, but no one searched for you; no one made any effort or clung to hope that you were somewhere out there waiting to be rescued.

Not even him.

“I’m sorry.” Jinwoo muttered. “I’ll bring you out of this dungeon and you can eat all you want. I promise.”

Your eyes looked up from the bread and snapped at him. “O..u….t he….re…?”

Jinwoo nodded. “Yeah, out of this dreadful place.” Jinwoo reached to hug you close to him. “I’m sorry I left you in here all alone…”

Your eyes blinked and looked at him, then up and back to the side. Your arms moved up to mimic his hug as best you could. Your eyes turned their attention to one of the corpses in the room. No one but Igris seemed to have noticed that unnerving smile that spread on your former stoic face. However, it was not Igris’ place to speak out, for he could tell this was a touching moment for his liege.

The knight questioned if that was indeed His Lord’s long-lost friend.

▬▬▬▬▬⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧▬▬▬▬▬

Igris was assigned to watch over His Liege’s dear former close friend, just as Beru was assigned to watch over His Liege’s mother and younger sister. His strongest Shadows were given the greatest tasks among the rest of the Shadows. 

You couldn’t be left alone. You’d lash out at anyone who wasn’t Jinwoo, going for their neck or head if they were to come close to you. Your mind had determined everyone as a threat to your survival except Jinwoo, possibly due to Jinwoo providing you with food when you were hungry and dying from starvation. 

As hard as it was, you were given a health checkup with Jinwoo’s help. The doctors deduced you had consumed monster meat to stay alive for that long and drank the monsters’ blood as a source of water. You had healed yourself of your wounds, likely thanks to consuming monsters. It was barbaric, but it was what you had to do to survive. 

The lack of human contact had driven you mad to a degree that you couldn’t speak as fluently, so Jinwoo contacted a speech therapist to help you. Along with other therapies to get you reacquainted with society. Still, giving you water and food was a little trick for earning your trust. You were more docile when you saw people around you to be non-threatening. 

After everything that was immediate was taken care of, your family was contacted and everyone was reunited with you. But. You showed no recollection of any of them. Another assessment was given. It turns out that you had no memory of who you were or why you were in the dungeon. What you knew was to live and eat, then repeat.

Though heartbreaking to hear, your family still accepted you back into your home. They didn’t care as long as you were back with them. That was the same with Jinwoo. They all said memories could be made, and who knows, maybe your memory will return the longer you are with them.

“I actually look very different from your memories, not that you remember now.” Jinwoo chuckled, scratching the side of his cheek. “There was some growth spurt. I’m not the weak E-Rank you knew and need protection, now I’m one of the strongest, an S-Rank Hunter.”

You didn’t seem to show much interest as you ate your third steak. At least you chewed and nodded from time to time. Before you were literally inhaling the food you were given as if someone would steal it if you had taken your time. Now you were still taking giant bites. Baby steps, baby steps. Jinwoo pushed the glass of water to you when you appeared to have a harder time swallowing.

“I can protect you now. You don’t need to sacrifice yourself for me. If anything, now I’ll sacrifice myself for you.” Jinwoo pledged, he stared to search for some form of reaction. You would have been slamming your hands on the table and rejecting his words or you’d laugh at him.

There was not even a flinch or recognition from you. 

This is all my fault. He bit the inside of his lower lip. He calmed himself as he told himself you needed more time. You were alive. That’s all he needed now. He put up a smile as he told you, “If you like eating so much, you should try a buffet. I bet you can clear the entire table. Actually, what do you want? I’ll treat you to it next time.”

Without missing a beat, you spoke clearly. “Brain.”

He wouldn’t lie. There was a chill when you stoically answered. He choked it up to the time in the dungeon that changed your taste. Perhaps the brain was the tastiest organ to consume? Well, he did promise. “Okay, you need to promise to behave though.”

“Promise?” Your head tilted.

“Yeah. So you will do something.” Jinwoo explained as best he could.

“Eat brain!” You nodded enthusiastically. 

“No! That’s your reward if you behave.” Jinwoo waved his hands. He sighed as he tried to find a way to simplify it. “Okay. If you be good, then I’ll bring you brains to eat.”

You looked down as you hummed, seemingly thinking hard. Then you looked up at him, “I bad. No brain?”

“Yeah. If you’re bad, then you can’t eat brain. Being good is eating, sleeping, and everything else?” Jinwoo really tried his best with this.

“Then promise.” You nodded again. You pointed a finger at him, specifically his forehead, “Speared. Brain. You give food.” A smile spread on your face, “Freedom.”

From then on, Igris was in your shadow, watching over you. Apart from you being a bit abnormal in your speech and actions, you were fitting into society more and more. Before you spoke broken sentences, now you managed to hold a conversation. While your memories were still non-existent, you still acted fine.

You kept your promise, so Jinwoo kept his. He’s brought you to exotic restaurants that actually served brains as a dish, even other organs. There were some that actually served dungeon monster parts as a delicacy. He thought it was a one-time thing or until you were treated so you’d put your dungeon life behind you, but it persisted. Who was he to judge? It was the least he could do for you.

Jinwoo’s Shadows could see the positive effect you had on their master and prompted the two of you to spend more time together. Beru was the one to suggest more exotic food sources to Jinwoo and even learn some cooking for some alone time with you, since you surprisingly could understand Beru. 

All but Igris maintained distance from you. There was something about your smile and actions back when you were found that ‘rubbed’ him the wrong way. Sadly, he wasn’t able to communicate with his Lord like Beru due to his restricted abilities, and it wasn’t like Beru would entertain his unnecessary concern when their Lord was the happiest.

All of the Shadows knew Jinwoo treasured you. While at first you didn’t seem the same, slowly you cared for Jinwoo as well. That was all that was needed. The Shadows were more than happy to take guard duty for your protect since protecting your safety was the same as securing their Lord’s joy. Previously, their Lord’s ecstasy was in growing strength and power, now with you around, it was all perfect.

They all hoped and waited for the day the knot was tied.

Time passed on like that.

There you were, scrolling your phone. Until your eyes landed on an article. {BREAKING NEWS! A NEW DUNGEON MONSTER IDENTIFIED!} Your eyes scanned down to see what was written.

〚A parasitic type of monster has been identified in the recent recovery of monster corpses. This parasitic life form feeds on a monster as a host to continue the consumption of other beings. While limited information is known about these monsters, it was found that they prefer fresher corpses, preferably recently killed and all bodily functions are still maintained.〛

〚A report from a recent Red Gate raid stated that these monsters can function the same in human bodies. All memories of the host will be lost and the monster controls the host until it is destroyed. The other Hunters have found out when the affected Hunter was consuming raw bodies and seeking any living creature as food.〛

〚The host is said to have gained incredible strength, speed, agility, and healing ability. A sign of affected individual could be the head or neck, or a large wound in the upper body. However, the best way to determine a host is by memory and speech. These monsters are unable to master human communication immediately upon possession.〛

Your eyes widened and you threw your phone at the wall, shattering it into pieces. Your eyes blinked and blinked again, your head robotically turned behind you when you felt Igris appear. His armoured hand reached for your neck and slammed you into the wall, moving you up until your feet were dangling.

“Ha…” You smirked as you glared down at the knight sent to protect you. “You… figured it out…. Didn’t you?”

“How dare you play with My Lord’s care and feelings.” Igris hissed, applying more force on you. “I will kill you and free My Lord from you.”

“Kill me if you can.” You challenged the Shadow without fear. “That human you call ‘lord’ will be devastated once more. Picture it: the loyal knight tasked to protect his lord’s beloved was the merciless killer.”

“You…” Igris pushed you into the wall, and slowly cracks formed around you.

You noticed the glow in Igris’ ‘eyes’ and cried tears, “Jinwoo! Jinwoo! Help!! Your Shadow knight! Ack! He’s… Choking me! Hel…p…”

Igris shuddered as he felt his Lord’s rage. Without a second later, Igris was pushed off of you by Beru, even pinned to the ground. You collapsed to the ground from your spot, coughing as you tried to breathe again. Jinwoo was by your side, patting your back as you took your sweet time.

“Slowly, there’s no rush.” Jinwoo reassured you. “You’re safe. You’re safe now.”

“Jinwoo!” You cried as you flung yourself into his embrace. “I’m sorry if I did anything to upset you! I’m sorry!”

“You don’t have to apologize, you never did anything bad.” Jinwoo hugged you, combing through your hair. He glared at Igris as Beru screeched bloody murder. “It’s okay. Igris will be punished.”

“I’m scared! I’m scared of your soldiers!” Your form shook uncontrollably. You hid a sinister smirk in Jinwoo’s embrace. “I was going to die again! I’m scared! Jinwoo!”

▬▬▬▬▬⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧⬦⬧▬▬▬▬▬

From then on, Igris was placed into a time-out zone of sorts. Shadows were also removed from your shadow because you had another trauma that had built. Jinwoo was more attentive towards you and even gave you all kinds of things. In contrast, the other Shadows all questioned and doubted Igris for attempting to take away their master’s source of joy. In a way, neglect was punishment for Igris.

However, you thought it was not enough. Merely dining monster brains was not enough. A human’s brain was delicious. Maybe it was the intellect, maybe it was the rarity when within the dungeon. Either way, the craving for human brains was immense. There was also no way Jinwoo was going to satisfy that need. There has to be another source.

Somewhere away from Jinwoo’s Shadows. Where?

Ah.

You travelled to the rural areas. You did your business. You returned. 

〚Last night. A man was found dead with his head missing. Authorities are still trying to locate-〛

You repeated that.

〚Just this morning, a young girl was found brutally murdered in the forest. It appears her body was stabbed then savaged by wild-〛

None knew who it was that did it.

〚An elderly-〛

〚Another-〛

〚There has been-〛

〚Who is this serial killer that-〛

〚Authorities are urging-〛

It indeed was a buffet. Humans were weak, as long as the target wasn’t a high-ranking Hunter, it was a free meal. Jinwoo was too busy with the Monarch business that he had no time. Though you might have heard he died somewhere along the way? Well, it didn’t matter. As long as you got time away from him.

Your priority was food and survival.

Bloodied hands pushed the mashy organ to the lips. A dead body lay at the feet of the killer. The skull was cut open with a discarded axe, the head was now empty. Blood soaked the floor, creating connecting mini rivers of red.

Your head tilted to the side like a click and turned back. A familiar Shadow was standing there. You smiled, “Igris. Long time no see. How’s the punishment?”

“Be honest to My Lord and come clear while you have the chance. Parasite.” Igris warned.

“You can talk now? Did you eat a human too?” You blinked. “Welcome to the party.”

“You will answer for your crimes.” Igris stood to the side while holding part of his cape, it glowed and a vortex appeared. You watched another figure join the scene, out stepped Jinwoo.

With a groan, you glared. You knew there was no hiding it now. “Party pooper.” A dagger was thrown into your precious body, or it would have if not for your hand catching it. Your hand shook as you tried to prevent it from piercing your flesh. A grin formed, “Shall I tell you about my host’s last moments?”

Jinwoo appeared in front of you and punched you in the neck. You threw five or six into the trees until one managed to within the force and stopped you from continuing your flight. You coughed out a mouth full of blood. Your eyes moved from all over the place as you assessed the damage. Broken bones, neck’s definitely broken. It was impossible to get away alive.

Your healing ability focused on your neck and head to torment the Hunter that brought you out of the dungeon. “My host screamed, ‘Run! Don’t look back!’ even as the exit closed. My host was very vocal. My host was dying. My host said, ‘I love you, Sung Jinwoo.’ and fell.”

“Shut up.” Jinwoo stabbed a dagger into your chest and stomach. “Stop talking.”

“Why? You help teach me how to talk.” You grinned, blood rolling down your body, but you didn’t care. “I gained my host’s body and love of those who cared for my host. I am the luckiest among my kind.”

Jinwoo impaled another dagger into your chest. Even knowing that a parasite was inside your body and it wasn’t you, he couldn’t hurt your head any further.

“My host was smart. My host hid the memories by death. Otherwise, I could have been the perfect stand-in.” The parasite used your voice to make it sound pitiful. “I have no regrets. My life was the best.” It looked at Jinwoo with your gaze that he had long fallen for. “Would you be able to kill my host?”

Jinwoo tightened his hold on his dagger, clenching his jaw as his eyes watered.

“My Lord.” Igris stepped forward, “If you’ll allow.”

“Igris…” Jinwoo looked at the knight who was once misunderstood. If it wasn’t for the removal of restriction, he would have been in the dark until who knows when. If only he hadn’t been blinded by his relief over your return.

Jinwoo stepped back.

Igris stepped forward and raised his blade. “Your fibble attempt to buy time has failed.”

“Wait! Hey! No! You can’t! I- I love you, Jinwoo! Please save me! Please help me! I was wrong! Pleas-” The sound of crunching sounds echoed in the silence. 

Jinwoo dropped to his knees. “How could I have been so blind?! I should have- I should have known! The signs... It was all there...”

Igris stared at your form. Your head was unrecognizable, all to kill the parasite that had devoured your brain and used your body for its twisted needs. Your skin pale like the white snow during the freezing winter. Yet your body appeared as healthy and normal as any other human he saw on the streets; there was not a sign of malnutrition or harm despite playing host to a life form of the most despised kind.

When he heard his Lord’s stories about you, he did take a liking to you. He wanted to be your protector as you have protected his Lord when he was at his weakest. You were like him, a defender and protector. To have your body violated in such a way was a disgrace and a crime of the highest degree. In human terms, he wished this would free you of your suffering soul that he knew without a doubt would be watching over his Lord even after death.

First, before anything!! I'd like to thank @vereimeja for the wonderful opening and closing image slides of this story! They have created the two pictures you guys see here!! It was so good that I had to use it! Perfect because it begun with E-rank!Jinwoo and ended with S-rank!Jinwoo. It's like you read my story beforehand! (just kidding) Thank you thank you all the same for your artwork contribution!!!

Note: Yes, this is angst—full angst. As requested. As you guys can no doubt tell, the dividers in between the story are the part separation if it were to come out one by one. Haha.

BUT I have written an alternative ending where a happy end is there, Jinwoo's still traumatized, but it's a comfort end I'll say. Now, I say alternative end, but it's just an additional part. Let me know if you guys want that out too.

One last thing, I changed the title cause this sounded much better~

Circe Y.

My Works: MASTERLIST

Taglist: @mydearestbeloved @icefox8155 @loudlylovingcreator-blog @o-qi-shisme @vereimeja @shineinouzen15

[hotcupoteckla]

Do people not understand catharsis?

Do people not understand thought process displacement?

Are people not aware that readers used to actively seek out books that made you feel and think deeply about things as a form of brain exercise?

Like why, why do you think it is when you watch movies or books set way back in time that the characters who read are bullied by the hypermachismo holders and are called "sissies"?

Because books enabled readers to cry, and crying allows a person's emotional resiliency to build, and hyper machismo holders hate it when other people have emotional resilience, because they don't have it.

Sometimes a deeply saddening thing occurs so quickly you cannot process it, because if your brain processed it right in that moment, you would stop functioning as a living being.

So you feel numb, and go through the motions, until you're safer and you start to feel happier again.

Then you read a book about a character losing someone dear to them, or how they survived child abuse, and your brain unlocks at least part of your experience in your crying and expression of catharsis on behalf of the character.

You cry and things feel better, and you're not as likely to shutdown over a memory overwhelming you when you least expect it.

AND if you are so lucky as to have not encountered anything so heart-rendingly awful yet, YOUR BRAIN IS STILL HELPED.

It now has an example to compare to when you do encounter deeply traumatizing events, and can cite the book as an example of "they moved past this style of event, I believed it possible for them, I can do it too."

Like maybe the character had magic to help them, but usually - it's not the magic that gets you out of a bad situation.

It's working with a friend, or listening to good advice from someone knowledgeable.

It's helping someone in need as you see it happen, without any thought of it being returned.

It's stopping your distress and thinking of a solution with the resources you have at hand.

It's convincing your jailer that this is unjust for everyone.

The triumph in spite of bad things happening to us is the Part that builds resiliency, and that cannot happen without a whumph getting in the way.

Like sure, the authors can make it so your favorite character that is the stand in for who you desire to be doesn't die, but would it be as compelling to read without that risk of loss?

If it was just rainbows and sunshine all of the time for everyone, wouldn't you just be reading another "billionaires get everything they want" story?

Not every book is going to be for you.

Did I throw The Last Battle across the room after C.S. Lewis decided to kill off Susan's Entire Family (we're talking 20+ funerals from a train crash before their family reunion) and then Victim Blamed Her for Not Believing in Aslan anymore? You betcha.

Did I think that sucked? Yes..100%

Did it serve his story? ...as loathe as I am to admit it, yes, he wanted to drive home the Christian Allegory and make Susan out to be a pragmatic adult, but one who lost faith in the stories of their childhood. We're supposed to feel less sympathy for her as she turned into a snooty Karen like mother to her kids. Her kids were on the train, as was her husband.

So do I hate C.S. Lewis? No, but I know now that he's willing to sacrifice anything in his story to make a point about faith and Christianity.

And all the Blorbo-Defenders from upthread really need to read more books if they think the WORST thing you can do to a character or your readership is kill a character off.

Sometimes, the worst thing you can do to a character is leave them as the Lone Survivor.

And it's better to experience it in a book, to become a more resilient person. To have catharsis built into your escape.

im starting to think you guys dont like it when stories make you feel things

[airas-story]

I know I just promoted I’m sorry but I feel like you’ll do this one justice: Tony flirts with Stephen a fair amount of time after he and Pepper (amicably) break up, but Stephen is trying really hard to ward him off because in 99% of the relationships he had with Tony in the Time Stone, he was a rebound from Pepper. He may still be lightly traumatized

(Sorry if this is too long 😅)

“Hey handsome,” Tony teased as he fell onto the couch next to Stephen.

Stephen’s gut clenched, instinctive desire battling with the knowledge the flirtation was inspired by nothing more than the recent end of Tony’s relationship with Pepper.

“Hello, Tony.” He couldn’t let Tony see he wanted this. He knew how it ended.

Stephen had let Tony break his heart too many times as Tony’s rebound. He couldn’t… it’d be real, permanent. Stephen couldn’t do that again. If Tony realized this hurt Stephen, he wouldn’t continue, but Tony didn’t—couldn’t—know.

Tony’s elbow nudged Stephen’s. “Wong says you haven’t eaten. Let me take you out. My treat.”

Another wave of desire clawed at Stephen’s chest. “I’m not hungry.” He focused on his book. “Thank you anyways.”

“Come on,” Tony wheedled. “You spend too much time cooped up in here.”

“I’m fine where I am.” He looked up. “You should go, Tony.”

Stephen couldn’t handle Tony being here, flirtatious and teasing, when Stephen wanted to accept it so very, very much.

Tony needed a rebound. It couldn’t be Stephen.

But maybe… maybe once Tony got that out of his system… maybe Tony might look his way again.

Stephen could only hope.

[taryn40k]

Yeah but like, who’s getting the most bitches? Amirite?

I don't think you want the answer to that question, Anon.... XD

[bietrofastimoff23]

people think that Aegon's taunts are a good reason to kill him (guys, you don't have siblings and it shows). at the same time, no one is saying that Aegon should kill Aemond for provoking TB to strike back, which is why Aegon's son was killed.

I thought it would be a terrible and cruel scene where Aegon would embarrass Aemond in the whole brothel, and it was only a drunken stupied Aegon.

[realbeefman]

i know chase obviously wins the religious trauma competition but can we please talk about how foreman was not only raised by a deeply religious father, but was most likely raised BAPTIST. no wonder he’s so repressed. the baptist experience is like. you’re in church every sunday listening to a man scream about how love is something that should hurt. you believe in a good, loving god - but to believe, you have to accept that true love is painful. that to be a good person, you must suffer. to love is to endure it, to work mercilessly. you’re not worthy of the love of The Almighty, and you never will be, and that sense of unworthiness is fundamental to having faith. when you sin, you don’t just hurt Him, you hurt everyone around you. you make the world worse because you have dared commit the sin of existence — to be human is to be sinful. to be loved is to feel unworthy and pathetic and hopeless. like YEAH no wonder foreman self isolates and is emotionally closed off. he was taught from BIRTH that he is fundamentally unworthy of love, and that in accepting love, he is also accepting that he truly is worthless.

[holmsister]

Kinda gets me when people age them down in AUs and stuff because to me those characters wouldn't be half as interesting if Chilchuck, Senshi and Mithrun were the tallman equivalent of in their twenties

[jazforthesoul]

EPIC PRO TIP!!

IF YOU DO NOT WATCH ANY EPISODE OF JRWI RIPTIDE YOU CANNOT BE HURT !!! DO NOT !!!

[alilaro]

it sucks universities have fees in general, but for me personally, I wanna take courses not even for qualifications or any of the job benefits of uni. I literally want to just go there to learn for the sake of learning. and the fact that it's not encouraged, that natural human curiosity/personal pursuits of happiness, costs you a lifetime debt fucking sucks.

[felidthing]

why the fuck did my dad choose to make his kids homeless but let us use as much data as we needed/wanted and let my brother keep using his hand me down car and paying for his gas and let me keep using his card info to refill my orca card. i still think about it bc that whole situation was so fucked and weird and confusing. he refused to consider going halvsies on rent for an apartment and made us live in a shelter/car only for me to check myself into a psych ward and stay there for 2 and a half months and go back to the shelter again until i texted him about how bad everything was and THEN he paid for my rent for a bedroom in a house. i hate my parents and i hate relying on them financially. i literally Need them still because of Money. i lived in that house for 9 months and then i got into college with my parents paying for everything and me just signing up to pay back loans. my dad said i should go for the unlimited meal plan and pays for it. he gave me $200 every month for personal expenses. and now hes paying my rent and bills in full again for an apartment until i move back to school which he will continue paying for. why were you so fucking quick to kick me out of your house with 20 minutes notice

[asinglesock]

just realized my fatal flaw and the great struggle of possibly the rest of my life. while watching a cdrama.

[cherrysnax]

oh chara dreemurr, we’re really in it now

[florenceisfalling]

tonight was a weird night i sometimes forget how intense it can feel to be confronted by someones morals that are so drastically different from yours. truly endeared by the fact that i got a lecture on fiction affecting reality from a person in a marvel shirt though. tbh its kinda like they're experiencing the same thought processes i had like 3 or so years ago that led to me being like this so its whatever