#And if I had to be traumatized by this knowledge

[anybenany]

After top surgery I had nerve pain across my entire chest and I lost sensation/have continued nerve pain in my nipples. I do feel pretty bad about this. It was traumatizing. You laughing about that as if it’s impossible is kind of baffling to me. It isn’t helpful to minimize genuine risks in order to assert that trans people have the right to choose.

I’d probably decide to do top surgery again if I knew ahead of time what the outcome would be. Making decisions is about so much more than a simple “yes” or “no”. Making decisions is about navigating a series of interlocking trade offs and using our autonomy and our knowledge of ourselves to chose the path that feels best, even if that path might be difficult or yes, even traumatizing.

I’m frustrated by a lot of this rhetoric about low regret rates for gender affirming care or about various complications being a “non issue”. Dismissing ambivalence or individual negative outcomes puts trans people as a whole in the position of having to perform satisfaction with our choices in order to have the right to make those choices. We shouldn’t have to flatten or simplify our experiences with gender affirming care in order to assert our bodily autonomy.

Because don’t forget, this fight is about our autonomy. Sometimes people are dissatisfied with the choices they make, but this doesn’t negate their right to choose. We don’t need to deny each others’ realities in order to assert our rights.

I saw the stupidest TERF argument about top surgery yesterday over on Bluesky and I'm still thinking about it. However stupid you think it was, you're not going to guess how dumb this is

So. I was reading a happy post with people sharing top surgery stories. Great stuff. And this terf comes into the comments like "oh but what about the psychological damage" and I was like "wtf" and then I read more they wrote and no joke. They were fear-mongering about how psychologically damaging it is to lose sensation in your nipples post top surgery.

I've gotta at least give that one points for creativity. That's hilarious. Even if you are very attached to retaining sensation in your nipples, there are types of top surgery that don't sever the nipple stalk so your sensation isn't affected. It's such a non-issue, and like as someone who had the standard DI with grafts, I literally never think about it. It's not like they hurt, and it's still too early at about six months out to know what long-term sensation will look like, but I can still feel pressure and it's not a super weird feeling at all. This is such a strange choice of topic to fear-monger about.

Who is out here psychologically damaged because they can't feel their nipples the same post surgery

[tossawary]

I'm only on Episode 5 of "Teen Wolf" and it's hard not to think about Stiles/Derek due to the pairing's influence as a fandom juggernaut throughout the 2010s. It has, over the years, occasionally made me intensely curious as to what was actually in the source material to spark this, versus how much of it was the migratory slash fanfiction fandom stuff.

I don't have... super strong opinions of them from the source material yet? I don't really think they have positive or negative chemistry at the moment. Their interactions are hampered by the fact that I think Derek Hale is currently kind of incoherent as a character, apparently not allowed to actually talk to anyone due to contrived drama reasons, preventing him from connecting naturally on an informational or emotional level to Stiles or Scott. Derek's backstory is still murky and largely unknown. Derek's personal goals here are also a little unclear. Some of this will be cleared up as the season goes on.

I do think that I personally would enjoy Derek more if he had actually been only a few years older than Scott and Stiles, as Stiles says in the first episode, and actually looked it as well. I think that Derek being younger, being another "teen wolf" at 19, would have 1) put him on more even footing with Scott, and 2) made him come across as more of a scared, cornered animal, lashing out at the Argents and stumbling around lost without his family/pack. Like, the traumatized lone wolf thing is apparently what's happening with Derek anyway, but I do think all that would be better communicated to the audience if Derek looked younger and more pathetic and was allowed to snap at / talk to people more and with purpose.

If Derek was younger, I also think that he would function as a better mirror / foil to Scott. Here's this kid who was born a werewolf (unlike Scott), had a big and loving family (Scott has a single, loving mother and an apparently better-absent father), and is now orphaned and homeless and friendless (unlike Scott). It would also make Kate look even more vile and I'm good with that. I know the writers are going to absolutely miss the opportunity to have Scott and Derek's relationship have some more positive give-and-take. Scott has a lot to offer Derek! Scott's kind heart is one of my favorite things about him so far!

Anyway, back to the Stiles/Derek stuff. Yeah, I would also like Stiles/Derek or Scott/Derek more as concepts if Derek was younger. Right now, from the actual canon material I've seen, disregarding the knowledge I've picked up over the years regarding Derek's life, Derek is mostly giving me Angel from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" vibes. And I really did not like Angel and especially not Angel/Buffy.

One positive thing I will say for Stiles/Derek is that I can absolutely see where the ship originally came from. Stiles does have some very queerbait-y lines with the "am I attractive to gay guys" humor. Derek is conventionally attractive. Derek and Stiles are the only two people in on the "Scott is a werewolf" problem, helping him out, and there's maybe a dash of "pair the spares" to it, but these two people are actually interacting and cooperating to solve problems together. And "I got you arrested for a murder you didn't commit" / "you need to cut off my arm" is a hell of a starting point for a ship. That's honestly great stuff. That's a level of freak that might generally inspire me to invent chemistry for a pair of characters, just to figure out how to make that relationship work.

In conclusion, I don't personally ship it, but I get it. I totally see where it came from.

[comfortyart]

I'm really curious how Fen, Solas, and Dorian first got together. Did two of them come first and a third joined later? How did they approach the conversation?

Ok I’m sorry this will probably be long winded, rambly, also just messily written - and, despite the fact that this moment is my planned next one shot about them - there are just so many moving parts that actually lead to them getting together.

Throwing this under a break because it's so long

When they were at Haven, there was some tension between Solas and Fen. Despite Fen’s best and continued efforts, Solas is very short with him at the beginning, a lot of it relating to Fen being a grey warden. On the other hand, from the moment Fen and Dorian lock eyes, it's flirting. They make easy friends, Dorian very taken by Fen’s happy-to-help golden retriever like personality, trauma bonded by the happenings of In Hushed Whispers and easily spending a lot of time together. Leading up to Skyhold, Solas starts taking to Fen’s late night “questionings”. If Solas considers Fen uneducated, he was going to ask and learn as much as he could. It’s true he didn’t have many opportunities to get “book smart” (he is precious), but he loves to learn, and we all know how much Solas loves to embark wisdom. So there they are, every evening - and to Solas’ surprise, Fen is very responsive to his teachings. He clearly considers everything he’s told, utilizes it in making decisions moving forward, and comes back with new questions. And before long he finds himself drawn to the way Fen navigates day-to-day. Perhaps he judged too soon, I mean, Fen can be and is foolish at times, but he sees how Fen uses the knowledge he’s given, and suddenly he’s hooked.  This turns into late evenings with the three of them as they all grow closer throughout the timeline of the game. Fen enjoys watching Solas and Dorian debate, likes watching Solas paint while Dorian reads beside him on the couch. Sometimes they’re both just listening to Fen yap about darkspawn or a weird looking tree he saw earlier that day while they sit around the fire. Its not really anything particularly even intimate, though it is to them to some extent because they don’t spend much time alone with anyone else - and they all sort of become inseparable- EVEN after Fen and Solas get together.

Dorian isn’t surprised. Even in their flirting he knew Fen was taken with Solas from before they’d met. And Dorian, who had spent a lot of time alone without really anyone close to him, was content to just have two people he held dearly, even if his heart was unfortunately growing more attached by the day. He sort of feels bad about it too, they’re a couple, but he’s always there.

And then, Fen starts hearing the false calling. And by and then, I mean, he’s been hearing it for a while - but its getting worse. He is all but inconsolable one evening, and Solas and Dorian are looking at each other not sure what to do. I mean what CAN they do right? They're just as horrified. And...We can ignore the added layer of Solas and his fuck this is all in a round about way my fault situation for now LOL

Following Here lies the Abyss, Solas and Dorian are sort of high alert, a bit more attentive, not that Fen needs it, but more in a way they were woken up to how important this idiot had become to them. They felt like they could lose him to this, selfishly, ignoring what the loss of Fen could do to the world, but now horrified at the idea of losing him - generally.

And It’s not long after this, a close encounter leads Fen to a near death experience by an ambush. Dorian and Solas are so panicked they can’t leave his side, and without ever verbally asking, they’re both with each other like a crutch - now both seemingly living through the fear they were really going to lose Fen.

It was traumatic, and Solas refuses to let Dorian leave his side, like he truly believes it may break him to deal with this crushing fear alone. When Fen finally wakes, Dorian’s relief is suddenly hit with the realization that he is not to them what they are to each other. Suddenly like the world is being crushed amongst the happiness Fen isn’t dead, he is quick to say he’s sorry for always being in their space and that he’d try to give them more alone time since he didn’t want to ever take the precious time they have together away from them.

Solas shuts it down, fast. A few glances between him and Fen and it’s a confession. Fen and Solas had been falling for Dorian, and were convinced he’d want no part, and so settled to always having him in their space. It was emotional, for so many reasons, and a lot of tears, and it became impossible to tear them apart for the next fortnight. 

[kotikaleo]

LOBOTOMY CORP?????? I MUST KNOW

I AM GLAD YOU ASKED!!!!

Okay, so there is a lot, so I will share the basics, and then the most most recent sketches but you and anyone honestly can bother me about any of them on any given moment (please bother me about them please please please)

This is the only normal coherent refs I ever made for them in one singular style XD, I hope to redo them, for artfight this year

And this is the sketches

I am genuinely so happy I haven't drawn the comic I have planned years ago, because back then I didn't know what body diversity was not I was good at anything, everyone had same nationality and very similar backgrounds.... You know, the regular XD

OKAY SO NOW!!! About them. Think SCP but anime, think Lethal Company but high ranking employees with better knowledge of anomalies and better equipment. Think dangerous complex and boring 8h shifts. Think everything is fine until it is suddenly very not. Think time manipulation and serial killer and gay people and character relationships and traumatized employees in all that mess. Have I mentioned a serial killer? Oh there is also an escaped anomaly btw, have you moped floors already? Here is the bucket!

[taryn40k]

Yeah but like, who’s getting the most bitches? Amirite?

I don't think you want the answer to that question, Anon.... XD

[ceramicbeetle]

i feel like there's no way to say it without sounding Insane and attention-seeking but i Do wish that there was language that existed for talking about being traumatized by delusions/hallucinations without sounding like you're just saying "i made up something in my head and got hurt feelings about it"....

[bietrofastimoff23]

people think that Aegon's taunts are a good reason to kill him (guys, you don't have siblings and it shows). at the same time, no one is saying that Aegon should kill Aemond for provoking TB to strike back, which is why Aegon's son was killed.

I thought it would be a terrible and cruel scene where Aegon would embarrass Aemond in the whole brothel, and it was only a drunken stupied Aegon.

[realbeefman]

i know chase obviously wins the religious trauma competition but can we please talk about how foreman was not only raised by a deeply religious father, but was most likely raised BAPTIST. no wonder he’s so repressed. the baptist experience is like. you’re in church every sunday listening to a man scream about how love is something that should hurt. you believe in a good, loving god - but to believe, you have to accept that true love is painful. that to be a good person, you must suffer. to love is to endure it, to work mercilessly. you’re not worthy of the love of The Almighty, and you never will be, and that sense of unworthiness is fundamental to having faith. when you sin, you don’t just hurt Him, you hurt everyone around you. you make the world worse because you have dared commit the sin of existence — to be human is to be sinful. to be loved is to feel unworthy and pathetic and hopeless. like YEAH no wonder foreman self isolates and is emotionally closed off. he was taught from BIRTH that he is fundamentally unworthy of love, and that in accepting love, he is also accepting that he truly is worthless.

[holmsister]

Kinda gets me when people age them down in AUs and stuff because to me those characters wouldn't be half as interesting if Chilchuck, Senshi and Mithrun were the tallman equivalent of in their twenties

[jazforthesoul]

EPIC PRO TIP!!

IF YOU DO NOT WATCH ANY EPISODE OF JRWI RIPTIDE YOU CANNOT BE HURT !!! DO NOT !!!

[alilaro]

it sucks universities have fees in general, but for me personally, I wanna take courses not even for qualifications or any of the job benefits of uni. I literally want to just go there to learn for the sake of learning. and the fact that it's not encouraged, that natural human curiosity/personal pursuits of happiness, costs you a lifetime debt fucking sucks.

[felidthing]

why the fuck did my dad choose to make his kids homeless but let us use as much data as we needed/wanted and let my brother keep using his hand me down car and paying for his gas and let me keep using his card info to refill my orca card. i still think about it bc that whole situation was so fucked and weird and confusing. he refused to consider going halvsies on rent for an apartment and made us live in a shelter/car only for me to check myself into a psych ward and stay there for 2 and a half months and go back to the shelter again until i texted him about how bad everything was and THEN he paid for my rent for a bedroom in a house. i hate my parents and i hate relying on them financially. i literally Need them still because of Money. i lived in that house for 9 months and then i got into college with my parents paying for everything and me just signing up to pay back loans. my dad said i should go for the unlimited meal plan and pays for it. he gave me $200 every month for personal expenses. and now hes paying my rent and bills in full again for an apartment until i move back to school which he will continue paying for. why were you so fucking quick to kick me out of your house with 20 minutes notice

[asinglesock]

just realized my fatal flaw and the great struggle of possibly the rest of my life. while watching a cdrama.

[cherrysnax]

oh chara dreemurr, we’re really in it now

[florenceisfalling]

tonight was a weird night i sometimes forget how intense it can feel to be confronted by someones morals that are so drastically different from yours. truly endeared by the fact that i got a lecture on fiction affecting reality from a person in a marvel shirt though. tbh its kinda like they're experiencing the same thought processes i had like 3 or so years ago that led to me being like this so its whatever

[fozmeadows]

There's a lot of conversations to be had around the current influx of Americans to Xiaohongshu (RedNote/Little Red Book) ahead of the TikTok ban, many of which are better articulated by more knowledgeable people than me. And for all the fun various parties of both nationalities seem to having with memes and wholesome interactions, it's undoubtedly true that there's also some American entitlement and exoticization going on, which sucks. But a sentiment I've seen repeatedly online is that, if it's taken actually speaking to Chinese people and viewing Chinese content for Americans to understand that they've been propagandized to about China and its people, then that just proves how racist they are, and I want to push back on that, because it strikes me as being a singularly reductive and unhelpful framing of something far more complex.

Firstly: while there's frequently overlap between racism and xenophobia, the distinction between them matters in this instance, because the primary point of American propaganda about China is that Communism Is Fundamentally Evil And Unamerican And Never Ever Works, and thinking a country's government sucks is not the same as thinking the population is racially inferior. The way most Republicans in particular talk about China, you'd think it was functionally indistinguishable from North Korea, which it really isn't. Does this mean there's no critique to be made of either communism in general or the CCP? Absolutely not! But if you've been told your whole life that communist countries are impoverished, corrupt and dangerous because Communism Never Works, and you've only really encountered members of the Chinese diaspora - i.e., people whose families left China, often under traumatic circumstances, because they thought America would be better or safer - rather than Chinese nationals, then no: it's not automatically racist to be surprised that their daily lives and standard of living don't match up with what you'd assumed. Secondly: TikTok's userbase skews young. While there's certainly Americans in their 30s and older investigating Xiaohongshu, it seems very reasonable to assume that the vast majority are in their teens or twenties - young enough that, barring a gateway interest in something like C-dramas, danmei or other Chinese cultural products, and assuming they're not of Chinese descent themselves, there's no reason why they'd know anything about China beyond what they've heard in the news, or from politicians, or from their parents, which is likely not much, and very little firsthand. But even with an interest in China, there's a difference between reading about or watching movies from a place, and engaging firsthand, in real time, with people from that place, not just through text exchanges, but in a visual medium that lets you see what their houses, markets, shopping centers, public transport, schools, businesses, infrastructure and landmarks look like. Does this mean that what's being observed isn't a curated perspective on China as determined both by Xiaohongshu's TOU and the demographic skewing of its userbase? Of course not! But that doesn't mean it isn't still a representative glimpse of a part of China, which is certainly more than most young Americans have ever had before.

Thirdly: I really need people to stop framing propaganda as something that only stupid bigots fall for, as though it's possible to natively resist all the implicit cultural biases you're raised with and exist as a perfect moral being without ever having to actively challenge yourself. To cite the sacred texts:

Like. Would the world be a better place if everyone could just Tell when they're being lied to and act accordingly? Obviously! But that is extremely not how anything actually works, and as much as it clearly discomforts some to witness, the most common way of realizing you've been propagandized to about a particular group of people is to interact with them. Can this be cringe and awkward and embarrassing at times? Yes! Will some people inevitably say something shitty or rude during this process? Also yes! But the reality is that cultural exchange is pretty much always bumpy to some extent; the difficulties are a feature, not a bug, because the process is inherently one of learning and conversation, and as individual people both learn at different rates and have different opinions on that learning, there's really no way to iron all that out such that nobody ever feels weird or annoyed or offput. Even interactions between career diplomats aren't guaranteed smooth sailing, and you're mad that random teenagers interacting through a language barrier in their first flush of enthusiasm for something new aren't doing it perfectly? Come on now.

Fourthly: Back before AO3 was banned in China, there was a period where the site was hit with an influx of Chinese users who, IIRC, were hopping over when one of their own fansites got shut down, which sparked a similar conversation around differences in site etiquette and how to engage respectfully. Which is also one of the many things that makes the current moment so deeply ironic: the US has historically criticized China for exactly the sort of censorship and redaction of free speech that led to AO3 being banned, and yet is now doing the very same thing with TikTok. Which is why what's happening on Xiaohongshu is, IMO, such an incredible cultural moment: because while there are, as mentioned, absolutely relevant things to be said about (say) Chinese censorship, US-centrism, orientalism and so on, what's ultimately happening is that, despite - or in some sense because of - the recent surge in anti-Chinese rhetoric from US politicians, a significant number of Americans who might otherwise never have done so are interacting directly with Chinese citizens in a way that, whatever else can be said of it, is actively undermining government propaganda, and that matters.

What it all most puts me in mind of, in fact, is a quote from French-Iranian novelist and cartoonist Marjane Satrapi, namely:

“The difference between you and your government is much bigger than the difference between you and me. And the difference between me and my government is much bigger than the difference between me and you. And our governments are very much the same.”

And at this particular moment in history, this strikes me as being a singularly powerful realization for Americans in particular to have.