#And how my family keeps encouraging my weight loss

[pythonmelon]

So I have an eating disorder. Not one related to body image but about fear of illness and food poisoning. My eating disorder may be different than the most well known ones, but it also involves a lot of anxiety and hard work to try and prevent self harm.But, whether its about me disliking my body or not, I still get the "benefits" of having an eating disorder. I've lost a ton of weight, over a third of my body weight has shed off in a little over two years due to anxiety and starvation. I get a lot of positive comments regarding my weight loss. I fit into more clothes. I feel like I look better, even though I had no issue with how I looked before. People ask my secret and I try to be honest about it. Sometimes, though, I catch myself wondering about if this has been ultimately for my benefit, somehow. The idea that being skinny should be some default, that it should be the goal, that it is inherently good is a supremely damaging thing. Its a society wide trend that reinforces bad behaviors in your brain if they get results people like. I'm not bone-thin yet. I don't want to be. I would be fine if I stayed at this weight (and I have! I've been maintaining consistently for a few months and I'm very happy), but I would also be happy being able to put on some weight again. I don't want to be scared of that possibility, because certain people might be disappointed. I was a casual weightlifter in college, before I developed this issue and lost weight. I did a lot of walking and biking. I was pretty darn healthy. I've gotten back in the habit of exercising a lot more recently too, I've been building muscle and it feels nice. But you know what problems I have now that I didn't have before I got an eating disorder and lost a bunch of weight? Semi-frequent migraines from stress and dehydration. Almost constant issues with sudden nausea or stomach cramps or discomfort. Signs that I still don't eat or drink consistently enough.Things are getting better with help and support and effort, but I still backslide at times. And I still catch myself leaning into the idea that somehow this is better, the ideal outcome, to have gotten skinny. That backsliding isn't so bad. I'd still be working out and gaining muscle and living a healthier, happier life now that I live in better conditions and have a somewhat physically demanding job, with or without the weight. None of it was the result of being skinny. What is the result of being skinny is a lot of doubt about how best to care for myself, if getting better is the best idea. This is my own personal experience, but the idea of being skinny as an inherent positive that is constantly advertised, pushed, and praised, and that weight gain is a sign of laziness or sin or whatever, is one that actively prevents healthier life choices and healing.

[houseofhyde]

thinking abt aemond falling in love w blind!reader.

pairing. aemond x fem!reader warnings. no use of y/n, enemies to friends to lovers, ableism, so much fluff, a little bit of smut, angst (who said that). no mention of the reader's physical description. wrote in one sitting, no edit, we die like real men. wordcount. 3.1k (this was meant to be a short silly drabble) hyde's input. couldn't get this out my mind so, naturally, i'm making it your problem too now. enjoy, muah x disclaimer ! i'm not visually impaired but i do have several family members who are, to different degrees, and i've tried to stay true to what i remember them describing it like to me. the reader in this is completely blind, however, and that is something i do not have any experience in. please, if you feel anything about my portrayal is wrong or offensive, kindly let me know and i will happily fix it <3

the first time you meet is a few days after the events on driftmark.

with his new disability, the septa encourages alicent to change his usual lessons alongside his siblings for ones held with a couple of other impaired children of highborn status living in the keep.

aemond, of course, protests.

nearly kicking and screaming.

yells at his mother that he doesn't want to be thrown in a box with all the other "broken toys".

he ends up going anyway, dragged there by a handful of guards.

sulks throughout the whole first week, sitting alone in a corner.

and he would've continued to do that forever, if you didn't invade his space.

aka sit down next to him and offer him a book.

"go away," he says, the pout on his lips pointing lower to the ground.

"i don't want to," you refute.

"i won't tell you again, go. away."

"who are you to tell me anything?"

it leaves him speechless, because,

who is he? seriously?!

he thinks you have to be some sort of idiot to not recognise your prince

the following days go the same as the first

you sit near him and hold out a book

he tells you to go away

sometimes you listen

(not without first making it clear that you're moving because you want to, not because he told you to)

other days you don't

you just sit there next to him

staring blankly ahead

not even attempting to open the book that sits in your lap

one day, when he's feeling particularly short on patience

(he had his first sparring lesson with ser criston since losing his eye and it went awfully, each hit and stumble he took to the ground made worse by the echo of aegon's laughter ringing out throughout the whole courtyard)

he asks why you never read that book

"are you an idiot, or something? can't you read? is that why you're here?"

despite how smart he is for his age, he seems to not see the irony in him judging you for being part of an impaired group, as if he isn't also right there with you

such introspection would require acceptance of his loss first, and aemond just isn't ready for that.

"i can't read," you confirm

"because you're slow"

"no."

"then why?"

"i can't see the pages," it's the first time he notices that you're not looking at him. you're trying, face turned and eyes pointed in his direction, but you're staring past his shoulder, "i can't see anything."

he feels guilty,

wretched,

and the sickest twist of comfort.

because he understands

or at least he tells himself he does

because he can't see anything either - out of his missing socket, that is.

the other eye can see perfectly clearly how you don't even flinch as you speak about your disability

and that's when the jealousy takes over.

"then what good is it carrying around that stupid book?"

he says it because he wants to be mean.

so mean that you run away and leave him alone to sulk forever more.

but you just sit there, shrug your shoulders and shift the book around in your palm,

"i like to feel the weight of it in my hand. plus, you never know when you're going to need throw it at someone"

he bites his tongue before he can ask how you can hope to hit a target you can't even see.

the hostility remains

for months, years.

but you sit near him,

he stops telling you to go away,

you still offer the book out to him.

he learns your name.

not because he wants to

but because the septa calls it out one day in the classroom

and you're the one that answers to it.

the first time he sees you outside the study room, you're all alone, none of your father's guards around you,

and that's what really makes him stop in his tracks.

"what kind of lord leaves his daughter to wander blindly around the keep?" he almost says with his usual disgust,

until he notices that you don't have your book

and you're crying.

despite his own discomfort, aemond tells himself he has to comfort you.

because he's thirteen, almost a man.

and what kind of respectable man leaves a girl to cry all by herself?

he wipes your tears with the sleeves of his doublet, waits patiently until your breathing slows, then he speaks,

"what happened?"

"it's you," you say it softly, almost like you can't believe he's the one comforting you.

"it's me. now tell me what happened?"

"nothing," you tell him at first,

until he demands the full truth in the name of his father, king viserys targaryen.

"i overheard my mother speaking to my father about me. i didn't mean to! i just wanted to show them how i memorised the path from my chambers to theirs, without an escort. i wanted to prove that i can be useful, and good, and not a burden. i heard them through the crack in their door. she wants him to send me away to join the silent sisters. she says i can't see, so i may as well not speak either. but my father won't listen. he says i'm his daughter, and that he will not send me away. he loves me too much, i worry he'll hate me for it one day."

that familiar guilty feeling creeps in,

the one he's felt lingering on his skin since the day you told him of your visual impairment.

he's suddenly so aware of the fact he can see you,

and your tear-stained face,

and the shades of blue in your dress.

"where is your book?" he asks.

"i dropped it, whilst running through the halls. i just wanted to stop hearing them, i didn't want... i didn't mean to cause any mess, i'm sorry."

in an act that surprises even him, aemond takes your hand in his

and pulls you both to your feet.

he slowly leads you along familiar hallways, turning corners he's turned a million times.

"where are we going?"

"trust me."

you know he's taken you to the library the minute he opens the doors, a whiff of old books hitting your senses.

he guides you to a book shelf, puts your hand up to touch the exposed spines

and tells you to move forward.

"stop when you feel it's right."

you stop after four steps.

your fingers grazing over a book titled Matters Of The Heart: a Compilation of Fictitious Stories on Love and Beauty.

he pulls it out the shelf,

guides you both over to a bench,

open the dust covered book,

and reads to you.

the following day, when your father's guards guides you down next to aemond in the study room

and you hold your book out to him

he takes it,

shuffles a little closer to you,

and softly recites the words off their pages.

from that day forward, you become an infamous pair in the keep.

the one-eyed prince and the sightless girl,

never one without the other.

aemond becomes your shadow, always two steps ahead or behind you.

you pick out books in the library

and he reads them to you both.

he brings you down to the courtyard

and watches how you flinch each time the clack of wooden swords rings out.

it drives him to be better,

learn to see more in his opponents than even two eyes would allow,

just so he can watch how the smile stretches across your face each time he tells you he won.

you grow so close that one day, the king invites your family to join the royals for supper.

aemond tries not to care that you end up sitting so far away from him at the table.

at least he can look down it and spot you seated at your father's side, he tells himself.

when dinner ends and music starts to play,

aemond ceases the chance to sneak away from his seat and steal the empty one by your side, both your parents having stood to speak with the king.

he brushes two fingers along the back of your hand,

a private, tactile language only you two can speak,

one that tells you it's him, without him even having to say a word.

"prince aemond," you say, and he instantly hates hearing you address him so formally. "you look handsome this evening"

"and how would you know that?" there's no hint of the malice, the mockery he once used to speak to you with, back when he was angry little boy and you were a stubborn girl.

now he's a man of fifteen years and anger is far from something he feels next to you.

he watches you shrug and the smile that he likes best - cheeky, playful - slips onto your lips

"my mother won't stop bringing it up. dashing, she said."

"is that so?"

"mhmm. but she also says my father should offer me to your father and have us both wed, what with our cripple-like qualities making us unsuited for any other lord or lady, so, really, what does she know? for all i know, you're the most hideous thing to walk the keep and i should feel blessed that i can't see you."

"imagine how i feel. i still have to see you."

"oh, the horrors! well then, my all-mighty seeing knight-in-eye-patch, would you lend me your sight one moment and tell me."

"tell you what?"

"do i have anything in my teeth?" you bite back your laughter as you open your mouth and put your pearly-whites out on display for him.

he doesn't even care if the sight is unlady-like

or if anyone else at the table has noticed.

he's too busy laughing along with you and telling lies of how a massive piece of veg is stuck between your upper front teeth.

aegon is as aegon has alaways been,

a thorn in aemond's side,

and he makes no exceptions when it comes to you.

he can't help but laugh at you both

mouth stained with wine as he saunters up and leans his face down between you both.

"isn't it amazing how, between you both, there's only one eye that actually works?"

aemond bites his tongue, like he always does when it comes to his brother.

you, however, aren't quieted so easily.

"oh, so amazing! do you know what's even more amazing? how the stench of you always announces your arrival."

it's the first time aemond feels it.

that flutter in his chest.

and once it starts, it doesn't seem to want to stop,

he seeks you out most hours of the day

and thinks of you when he's not with you.

when he notices the bruises that litter your arms

from bumping into corners and walking into walls

he has a cane made for you, to help you more safely make your way through the keep.

it's the greatest gift he can give you: the freedom to walk your own path.

one day, as he's telling you about the recent flight he took upon vhagar, you ask him what the sky looks like.

"well, it's blue"

you blink at him, wait for the ball to drop.

"but you wouldn't know what that means"

he tries to think of something else, a different way to describe the vastness of the sky

"have you ever ridden upon a horse?"

you nod your head

"have you ever ridden fast upon a horse?"

you nod again.

"that feeling, when you're gripping at the reigns, and the horse's hooves beat against the ground like a drum, and the wind takes no mercy on your hair, and, for a moment, there's this... warmth of possibility, anticipation, right here" he guides your hand to rest atop your chest, on the side that your heart rests. "that you can leap and beat any obstacle in your way, and for a moment the world is open, and vast, and limitless. that is what the sky looks like, the perfect place to race upon horseback."

"except you're on a dragon."

"well, yes, but find me a horse that has wings and i promise to take you riding up in the sky one day."

you ask him to describe more things, more often.

the forest.

the iron throne.

the sea.

vhagar.

each book he reads you.

till one day you ask, "what do you look like?"

he tries his best.

he tells you about his signature targaryen hair,

and helps guide your hand up to touch it.

he tells you about his pointed nose,

and guides your pointer finer up to drag itself down the length of it.

he tells you about his jawline,

and lets you feel that part of him too.

"and your eye?" you ask.

he doesn't say anything

but he does peal off his eyepatch

and guide your hand up to run down the length of his scar.

"what does it look like?"

"gross."

"that's funny, because it just feels like skin. is all skin gross?"

"no but this skin... it's damaged."

"i feel something. it's hard," you murmur, as your nail traces over the curve of the gemstone that fills his socket.

"it's a sapphire."

"a sapphire?"

"yes. it's like a precious, shiny, smooth, blue rock."

"what about the other eye, the one that's still there?"

"what about it?"

"what does it look like? what colour is it? eyes have colours, don't they?"

"they do," he says, gazing into the hypnotising shade of your own, "it's blue."

"the sky, the sea, your eyes. i think blue might be my favourite colour."

he falls asleep that night with a smile on his face

his heart relieved that you never asked him to put into words what you look like,

because there simply aren't enough words known to man,

be it in the common tongue

or high valyrian,

to describe how beautiful you are.

he tells you as much, when you do eventually ask.

in the fallout of storm's end, soaked to the bone and regretful,

it's you who his legs carry him to

your chambers, to be exact

it doesn't even cross his mind to care that his knocking at your door awakens you

he doesn't care, loses all ability to do so when he collapses into your arms

"i made a mistake," he tells you, when you ask what's wrong

"that's okay, mistakes help us learn better."

not this one, he thinks

you're so gentle with him

and your skin is so warm against his cold

that he can't help himself

his lips find yours.

his hands find your hips.

his breath gets lost somewhere between you both.

but that's okay,

you're all the air he's ever needed.

he feels selfish, when he guides you over to your bed.

and he knows he should tell you what's happened,

what's changed.

he knows he shouldn't be touching you with hands that are stained by blood.

but he's desperate,

and he's breathless,

and he's so frighteningly in love with you.

"please, aemond," it's you who begs for more.

it's you who tugs on the leather of his jerkin.

it's you who pulls at the cotton of his shirt.

it's you who he gets undressed for.

you both wind up naked upon your sheets,

limb tangled with limb.

"i wish i could see you," you tell him. "but i don't need to see you to know you're beautiful, aemond. i feel it, in everything you do for me."

so he lets his own eye shut.

decides he doesn't need to see you either,

not like this, his skin tainted with the smell of the rain, and his dragon, and the velaryon boy's scream.

and the truth is, he wants to take you like this.

he wants to be cruel, and damn you to a life by his side.

but he looks at you,

naked beneath him,

lips swollen with his kisses,

the shine of your own arousal peaking out from that space between your thighs,

and all he sees is the girl he read stories to.

the girl who swooned and awed over every cheesy line about a knight,

and all his knightly honour,

loving his lady in the way that's deemed right by the gods and the lords.

and aemond just can't bring himself to defile your honour,

not like this.

so even as you whine,

and moan,

and offer up your maidenhead on a platter of your unapologetic beauty,

the prince just continues to edge at both your own pleasures,

hips grinding back and forth,

lips tangling with your own,

voice whispering nos, and we can't do thats, and not yets.

"tomorrow," he promises, the spill of his pre-seed smearing along your pelvis with each stuttered thrust of his hardened cock against your soft skin, "i'm going to ask your father for your hand."

"but, how?" you sound so pretty, he can't help himself and lets his eye reopen, searing the haunting image of you naked and pliant beneath him into his mind's eye.. "your mother... she said you flew to offer your hand to one of the baratheon girls."

"what i promised lord baratheon was a targaryen prince, and i intend to keep that promise," he speaks with so much conviction, skipping over the events of his nephew, and his dagger, and his joyride in the sky. "daeron is a boy of sixteen, he can have her. but i, i will belong to you."

the will to leave you, maidenhead still intact, somehow finds its way into his heart

he doesn't fail to leave you sated, however,

his finger dancing along the pretty pearl that has you whining his name and losing your mind upon the mattress.

he keeps his word,

wakes not with the urgent need to discuss last night's war-inciting events with his mother

but with the burning desire to find your father and win his approval

he doesn't find him in his quarter of the keep.

or in the training yard.

or in his seat at the small council.

what he does find is his fear stricken mother,

his stoic grandfather,

his giggling brother.

"aemond, what have you done?"

he doesn't answer

they already know what he done,

the whole realm likely knows, his half-sister too.

so he asks what he really cares about,

asks where your father is.

"he's gone," his mother answers.

"after he heard about your business with lucerys," aegon continues. "the traitor's taken his family to dragonstone and bent the knee to our bastard-bearing cunt of a sister."

so yeah that's what i'm thinking about.

anyway, goodnight <33

[spinchip]

BEEN THERE ONCE BEFORE AND I WISH THAT I NEVER DIED

Pairings: none Word count: 6500 Warning: Graphic depictions of violence and death. Gore, murder, Ear trauma and limb loss tw

Summary: Zane would do anything to keep the ninja safe.

*

There is a pot of tea between you, sitting in Master Wu's private garden right outside the door to his room, and it’s some sort of oolong blend with a sweet smelling screen hanging over it. Osmanthus flowers float in your cup and you trace their pattern, watching them shift idly in what little breeze this summer day has brought you. The tea is too bitter despite the honey you’d added, over-steeped and thick on your tongue.

There is a sword on his lap, a sleek red sheath and neatly wrapped handles. There are no adornments on this blade, it is plain and unassuming, a tool for its master and whatever that may entail. Master Wu had asked you out here, months after the desperate fight for Ninjago at the corridor of elders (even longer after you had been torn apart by a power that was never yours to hold,) and the rattlesnake smile he’d offered as he’d led you out vanished the moment you were hidden from prying eyes. He makes your tea silently, and he burns it.

He looks at you in a way that makes you bristle, with eyes that no longer see you as human. Your silver skin itches, your tea tastes like ash.

“Do you know what a ninja is, historically?” He asks you finally, his voice quiet but clear over the space between you.

You do not, but you could look it up in an instant. You don’t do that either. He does not expect you to answer.

“They were said to be assassins. Hired blades sent to the house of the lands lord to slaughter them- the last recorded deaths by these assassins was years and years ago, but that was not the end of the era of the ninja. They snuck between the shadows, they pulled their hidden weapons, and they eliminated their targets cleanly and efficiently.” He waits, gauging your reaction. You can feel his eyes sit heavy on where your hands are deceptively calm around your tea cup, assessing, searching for something like he had that day he’d first laid eyes upon you in the frozen pond.

A phantom of a red flashes across your HUD that screams DANGER- and despite how there is no real warning clawing its way across your eyes, you know you should be afraid anyway. Tread carefully, you are in dangerous territory. Do not react. Control.

“Is this a history lesson?”

“Perhaps.” Master Wu murmurs, finding something in your expression with those dark eyes.

“The best way to defeat my enemy is to make him my friend.” You can’t help but say, a parrot of his own words, your eyes calculating.

“And if your kindness is rejected?” He does not skip a beat.

You hesitate, the clink of your cup as you set it down on the table too loud on your ears.

“You are no longer a child, Zane. Your innocence died with the Overlord. The others still have that innocence.” You jerk, the reminder of your death bruising on your soul, but he doesn't handle you with kid gloves, “You’ve killed once, to protect them.” Sensei Wu does not touch his tea, and there is a rising sickness in your stomach, “Can you do it again?”

He draws the blade and it’s blood red, holding it out to you, handle first.

To protect them?

His eyes are dark and there’s a danger there, but he has always been kind to you. Like a father when yours had vanished, warm smiles and encouraging words flashing across your eyes. Visions of fire and blood and death color your head along with it, superimposed on top of your friends and family. You’d do anything to protect the people you love, wouldn’t you?

The sword is a healthy weight in your palm.

---

Police tape surrounds a dilapidated old building, great yellow swathes of it wrapped down the sidewalk into the street and officers at each corner standing vigil over the body slumped half in the gutter and covered by a sheet. News vans line the street waiting for the opportunity to film once the coroner has packed away the gore and it’s mostly family-friendly for the afternoon broadcast. Flood lights and lamps are set up around the premise, little yellow evidence markers salting the earth down the doors of the warehouse and up to the body. Apparently deceptively unassuming, the Mechanics home base is filled to the brim with his lackeys and stolen tech- or, it was.

“I guess the Mechanic got tangled up with the wrong guy.” Kai says breathlessly, spooked as the camera pans over the overflowing body bags being loaded into the coroner's van.

The Commissioner taps the remote to his VCR on his leg anxiously, “You heard on the news already, i’m sure, but we suspect the unsub used a long blade of some kind,” He’s visibly shaken, “A sword, perhaps- the evidence was very…” he makes a slashing motion from his throat, miming blood striping the wall behind him.

A blood spattered window, the killing so brutal a heavy streak of gore laced up the glass, is still visible to the probing crime scene photographer.

The graying man slides a manila folder thick with printed pictures across the table and Jay pointedly pushes it away from himself, looking queasy. You reach out and pick it up with hands that seem to float endlessly away from your body, but you’ve felt like this since stumbling home two nights ago when the moon was full and no one else was awake. You don’t hesitate to open it, staring down at the first photo with mild surprise.

Cole jerks away before steeling himself and glancing back over. The picture shouldn’t surprise you, but it does anyway. It looks so messy. The body in the street can barely be recognized in the photo, too mutilated- the only identifying feature being the mechanical hand resistant to the blades of a sword. The mechanic had been reduced to mince meat, blood seeping up through shredded flesh and broken bones. Blood flows in a river down the stairs of the warehouse, down onto the sidewalk, flowing into the gutters.

“This seems… motivated.” Lloyd grimaces at the image but doesn’t look away.

“That’s certainly one word for it,” The commissioner huffs, “We’ve been calling it ‘unhinged.’”

You flip to the next image. Bodies piled on top of each other, strewn across the room, throats slit and bellies gutted and in one particularly horrific scene brain matter and skull fragments rendering a man unrecognizable.

Your memories of that night are fuzzy and nebulous.

Nya takes one of the photos, “Who would do something like this?”

“We were hoping you knew,” A beat- the man sighs, “The mechanic, he’s hard to keep tabs on. We didn’t really know who his enemies were other than those present, and you all had the most contact with him, but it’s too much to hope you have a lead for us, huh?”

He blows out an explosive breath, “Tell me, does the attack itself look familiar in any way? Anyone who comes to mind who has the capability to do something like that?”

You shake your head, blue boring holes into the eyes of a henchman who died trying to hold his intestines inside his gut, “No,” Your voice doesn't waver, “I’ve never seen anything like this.”

---

Wu touches your shoulder firm and bruising but your skin cant purple under his nails anymore, “It gets easier.”

---

You stand in the threshold of the jail cell, the body in the room covered by a sheet. You had wondered if that really happened, bodies covered up by the police like in television dramas- this is the second time you’ve seen it. It won’t be the last. It’s interesting to know how fiction gets it right, sometimes. Kai distinctly can’t look, turned away, but you haven't been squeamish in a long time. You crouch low, reaching for the edge of the blanket to see, and Nya makes a disgusted noise in the back of her throat when you lift the sheet to look.

This death is far more refined than the massacre you’d investigated this month- A clean cut across his throat, blood coating his sleep shirt and dried to the corners of his mouth. Droplets of red sprinkle his face where he’d tried to breathe through the ruined hole of his throat, coughing a plume of blood into the air that rained down on him as he died. His skin is waxy and his eyes glazed and clouded, he’s been dead for hours- but you knew that already.

Nya coughs, “Can you cover him up, please?”

You oblige, “I was trying to see what Information I could gather.” the sheet falls back over his face, hiding him away. There’s no reason to cover him up, the other inmates are locked in their cells until the investigation finishes and the body is removed. Privacy is a moot point, but maybe it’s about respect.

Lloyd turns away from where he’s shifting through the inmates belongings, “Well, anything?”

“He was killed hours ago. He’s been dead for a long while.” How much to say? “The murder weapon was a blade.”

“Same as the Mechanic.” Jay says from where he’s outside the cell and out of line of sight, the dead body and blood making him sick, “Did Fugi-Dove and him have any connections?”

“Not that we know of.” Nya frowns, crossing her arms over her chest and trying to convince everyone she’s unaffected by this, “Only us. It just seems so weird- He’s a small fry compared to the mechanic, why kill him? He’s harmless!”

“He broke Jay's elbow last week,” You remind her, “He was not harmless. Perhaps he had more secrets than we thought.”

“Who found him?” Cole murmurs, carefully keeping away from touching the crime scene.

“Eight AM guard round,” You answer him, standing up, “The four AM patrol missed him. Both officers were interrogated, but nothing came of it. It doesn’t appear to have been an inside job.”

“The culprit snuck into kryptarium prison, killed a man, and snuck out with none the wiser?” Nya snorts, “This place has gone to the dogs.”

Jay taps his foot impatiently and it echoes down the hallway, “Well, it’s not like Warden Noble runs a very tight ship around here, despite what he wants you to think. How many escaped convicts do we deal with on a weekly basis?”

“So what do we do about this?” Kai asks, frowning at the lump on the ground.

Fugi-dove was half slumped off his bed, his back flush to the ground and his legs still thrown over his bed and tangled up in his bedsheets. He’d been awake when he was attacked, his cheeks bitten to hell as if he’d attempted to scream through a hand sealed over his mouth that only let go once his vocal cords had been slashed through, and in his desperate attempt to stop from bleeding out or drowning in his own blood he’d thrashed himself right to the floor.

“We’ll look at the tapes and see what we can find.” Lloyd answers casually. Darkleys prepared him for death and gore, it didn’t bother him like it should.

“I thought officer Pey told us we were in a blind spot,” Cole points out, stepping out of the cell followed by Lloyd.

“Warden Noble used to be the principle of Darkleys,” the green ninja waits for you to join them on the other side of the cell. You feel cold all over, “And if there’s one thing I'm certain of, the man has eyes everywhere.”

“Does he?” You ask, fingers going numb.

Lloyd nods and locks the cell door behind you, “There will be tapes. He should be here any minute now, Officer Pey says he comes in at 10:00 on Saturdays.”

As if on cue, the Warden appears in a frenzy, tearing into the hallway and bee lining for the cell. He grimaces at the covered up body, “I leave Pey in charge for one night…” He sighs, pushing his glasses up to rub at his eyes, “Great.”

“Good morning, Warden.” Jay greets cheerfully.

“Says who?” The man replies darkly, “The media is gonna tear me a new one. This is going to lower our reputation even more.”

“Let us help you put the culprit behind these bars,” Lloyd offers, stepping forward with green ninja grace.

“I don’t think that’d do any good, he already got out once.” Kai mutters.

The warden graciously ignored Kai’s comment, “I haven't even had coffee yet.” He complains, running a rough hand over his mouth as he glares at the body.

“You had hidden cameras?” Lloyd pushes and the Warden nods, motioning to an inconspicuous looking fire alarm.

“It’s fake,” He tells him.

You walk towards it. A strange sense of doom washes over you, numbness following it. A camera. Evidence. How clearly would they be able to see the killer's face?

“Let me be of assistance,” You offer, casually making it to the alarm first. The moment you manage to open the glorified nanny cam and your fingers close around the USB, you focus a concentrated pulse of electromagnetic energy and wipe it clean. Anything saved to the storage space will have been obliterated, gone, corrupted and unsalvageable. You can feel your hands again.

“How could this have happened?” The warden asks, clicking through the empty USB over and over looking for footage that no longer exists.

Lloyd glances at you, but there’s no suspicion, “Was there anything weird about the camera? Had it been tampered with?”

You touch your chin and try not to let your hands shake, “No, but it was not a very complex mechanism. It could easily have been opened by someone familiar with this type of surveillance.”

“Someone from Darkleys?” Nya suggests.

Lloyd hums in thought, “I don’t know. It’s worth looking into.”

“When did we become detectives?” Jay complains, “Can’t you guys just call us when you need us to spinjitzu this guy?”

“Don’t be a baby.”

Jay pulls a face at that, “I’m a ninja! I shouldn’t have to put up with all this- this blood!”

“Do you know what a ninja is, historically?” you murmur.

No one hears you.

---

There are four more deaths the following month, both somewhat well-known villains with a penchant for collateral damage. The same slashing wounds as the last. Lloyd is the only person in the group who doesn’t look affected by the barrage of gore he’s being subjected to- other than you, of course. He’s reading over the newest police report that’d come their way with a hum, “He’s getting bolder.” He concludes, flipping through the crime scene pictures at the end.

“Bolder?” Cole questions, “It seems to me like he’s winding down. His first kill was the Mechanic and everyone working under him- 16 deaths on that one alone. Now he’s down to one.”

“The Mechanic was messy,” he examines the pictures, noting just how clean the newest death was. Not a drop of blood out of place other than the pool growing under the body, “He was surprised by all the people- he never intended to kill anyone other than their leader, that’s why that kill was so disorganized. It’s why the mechanic was nearly able to escape, before he caught him in the street. The bank barely needed to mop the floor for this one. He’s refined his skill.”

“He left Reflectras sidekick unharmed.” Kai pointed out, “What’s different between then and now?”

Lloyd flipped a picture his way- it’s a still from a grainy security camera. Reflectra is already dead in the photo, her blood turned black on the monochromatic footage. The teen girl she’d been toting around with her was cowering under the teller counter, and standing just outside the blood was a figure dressed in all black. From the girl's testimony, the gray toned lion's mask he wore was red and gold in person, lips drawn back in a snarl that showed off fangs, a thick head of coarse blonde hair coming out of the mask to hide any other possible identifying features.

“He is wearing a mask.” You say, peering down at the picture.

“He’s hiding his face.” Lloyd clarifies before banging out a few words into the computer's search engine, pulling up a street festival that happened two weeks ago and swiveling the computer screen around so everyone could see it, “And it's a new purchase.”

Staring back at them was a picture of downtown Ninjago filled with people, food stalls and other vendors lining the sidewalks as people milled about. Half the people walking the street were wearing the same exact lion mask as their killer, now in vivid technicolor. You could see the stalls selling them- masks lined wall to wall. It seemed everyone was buying them. It wouldn't have looked out of place at all for the murderer to buy it for himself and squirrel it away for his late night acts.

“He killed the Mechanics goons because they saw his face. He doesn’t want witnesses.” Nya connects, “Aimi was only spared because he has a way to kill anonymously.”

“And with a virtually untraceable origin. That mask is everywhere, now.” Jay continued with a frown.

“It’s not a total dead end. We can still talk to the stall owners, maybe see if they noticed anyone strange buying from them.” He navigates to the festival's website, opening up the vendor list.

There are twelve souvenir stalls in total, and five of them are solely dedicated to masks.

You make a surprised noise in the back of your throat, “Saori Sato. I recognize that name. I believe I taught her son when we were working at the school.” You comment, “I have a rapport with her, I should be able to get her to speak with me easily.”

Lloyd accepts your lie with a nod, “The rest of us will work on the others, then. Hopefully we’ll have some luck.”

You don’t go to see Saori Sato. You sit on the rooftop of her apartment complex and meditate. You try to meditate. There’s a peace that’s absent in you, now, that doesn’t let your mind slip into calm like it used to be able to. There’s always a buzzing under your skin, in your wires.

You brought your sword, the one with the red blade.

You sharpen it until your mind stops racing. It’s like a razor blade now, and you imagine the sting it would cause as you run your metal fingers up the sharp side. You can perfectly imagine how blood would drip down it, now. You go home.

Everyone comes up empty, of course, because Saori Sato sold that mask, and you didn’t speak to her.

---

“You seem unphased with the murders.” You say to Lloyd, after the others have gone to bed and it’s just the two of you up, pouring over the case files. When Lloyd goes to bed, so will you.

He shrugs and sips at his coffee- filled to the brim with cream and sugar, “Darkleys wasn’t just about ruling the world in the big picture. They taught us the small stuff too, including desensitizing us to death.”

There’s nothing to say to that, so you don’t respond. You go back to looking over the papers again, pretending to search for an angle they hadn’t considered yet.

“You want to know something funny?” He says with a little laugh, staring down at the Mechanics' torn up body.

“What is it?” You ask.

A darkness settles over the room, thick and viscous. It seems to flood your mouth and fill your chest. Lloyd looks at you with bright eyes that pin you in place, “I checked your roster. I went through all the kids you taught at the school- and I didn’t find any Satos in the class.” he says with a lopsided smile, eyes burning your skin, assessing, searching for something, “Isn’t that weird?”

Your coolant has turned to ice in your limbs and your body feels numb, “Not at all,” You say cooly, “Sato is her maiden name. Her son has his fathers last name, Maeda.”

He finds something in your expression and- his shoulder slump, “Oh,” He says, blinking. “FSM, i’m sorry- I just-”

“It is alright, Lloyd.” You say graciously, “This has been stressful for us all, and you haven't been sleeping. Perhaps you should get some rest.” rising from your chair, you go to his side and help him to his feet. He allows you to walk him back to his room.

“Let’s start fresh tomorrow.”

“That sounds good.” Lloyd allows with an exhausted yawn. He disappears into his room.

---

Everything hurts.

Your eyes are blurred and blocked by another pop up- WARNING! WARNING! DAMAGE- you dismiss the banner as quickly as it arrives, but that doesn’t stop you from miscounting a step and slamming into the stone staircase, all your weight cracking down on the pointed edges. You scramble to hold onto the steps with your working arm before you can go tumbling back down to the bottom, taking a few breaths that you don’t need to take to help center yourself.

Clambering back to your feet, you check you haven't splattered coolant or oil on the stairwell before you continue up. Clean.

Reaching the monastery, you avoid the main gate. Instead, you shimmy up the courtyard wall and slink silently across the roof until you’re standing above your room. It’s easier with two hands, but you manage to swing yourself off the roof by the tiles and onto the window ledge, barely finessing your way inside without causing a commotion or accidentally falling off the cliff face. You don’t collapse no matter how badly you want to.

First things first- you pry up the loose floorboard under your nightstand and stuff the sword and mask inside, sliding the stand on top of the hiding place. You strip the bloody clothes off and grit your teeth as you peel it away from the mess of your left arm, refusing to scream. Not even allowing a whimper. You’ve had worse- this- this is nothing. Loose pants, loose shirt- long sleeve, of course, just in case anyone was up late getting a glass of water.

It’s late enough that even Jay should be asleep, and the empty garage confirms it.

It takes you two hours to knit the delicate machinery in your arm back together, and another hour fitting a new plate cover so nothing would seem amiss. You take the ravaged pieces of your arm up stairs and pack it under your nightstand too, so there’s no chance of evidence possibly being found.

You collapse now, face first on the bed, and not three hours after that you’re shaken awake.

Nya looks grim, “There’s been another murder.”

In your exhausted, near delirious state, you barely manage to catch yourself before you say I Know.

---

It’s cold this time of year, and it shows. The others are bundled up against the incoming chill of the season, coats and scarves worn on top of their ninja suits. You’re wearing a sweater too, but there’s a cold in you that will never be warm. You’re all behind Laughys Karaoke bar deep in the alley while the police guard the mouth of it, refusing to let reporters or curious civilians get a look.

There’s a detective with you, hanging back and allowing you all to examine the scene.

“Who is this guy?” Cole eventually asks, resisting the urge to nudge his face into view.

The detective steps forward, “His name is Killow. Ninjago PD have had their eye on him for a while- he’s been arrested for petty crimes in the past, but from the intel they’d begun to gather he’d joined an up and coming gang and had climbed pretty high in the ranks. They called him the Big Man.”

‘Big” was an understatement. The man was a brick house, every muscle worked until it bulged. It seems his gym habits had helped a little, even if the end result was still the same.

Lloyd examines his throat, “The first cut didn’t go deep enough.” He comments. There's blood splattered all over the alley, obvious signs of a struggle. Trash was everywhere, torn open bags and the big blue dumpster was dented from Killow slamming the assailant into the metal, more chipped bricks and dented cans revealed just how close Killow had come to walking away from this attempt on his life.

That same dumpster with the largest dent was where Killow had dug his fingers into the murderer's arm and torn through it, spraying metal and wiring across the ground with barely a flick of his wrist. No one knew that but you, and you didn’t share it. The area had been scrupulously cleaned.

“He got him.” Kai commented, “He hurt him pretty bad.”

“How do you know that?” Nya questioned.

Kai gestures to his hands, “Look at his nails. He scratched him, and no one is walking away from that unscathed.” Killows nails were broken and bleeding, torn and snapped off nearly at the cuticle with how hard he’d fought.

“It didn’t help him enough,” Lloyd sighs, standing up, “The second cut was vertical, sliced right through the artery from cheek to chest. He bled out."

“Poor guy.” Jay commented, slowly getting used to the sight of death as he frowned down at the man.

They didn’t know who he was, or what gang he was in- if they did, they’d understand why he had to be put down. The Sons of Garmadon was new and already it was strong, the ranks thick with people who didn’t care about harming others if it furthered their own goals. They were excellent at keeping a low profile while they gained power. It doesn’t escape your notice that the detective avoided naming the gang he was part of. Killow was a bigger cog in that machine, but he wasn’t the only leader the gang members looked to. Your research and surveillance had revealed three of the four ringleaders to you- Killow, Ultraviolet, and, a man you had never seen but had heard referenced several times, Mr. E. They reported to the highest ranking member of the gang, the Quiet One. All you knew about her was that she was a woman.

You stare down at his body and feel no sympathy.

---

“Is there a reason you don’t want me in your head?” Pixal asks bluntly one day, once you’ve gone to visit her at Borg Tower.

Once you’d gotten back to Ninjago City proper, you’d dropped her off with her father with every intention of picking her up later. She’d offered to stick around in your mind for a while, and you’d been happy at the idea- but then Master Wu gave you that sword, and things got more complicated. She hadn’t brought it up for the past few months, but each time you left her without a hint of bringing her along, she had certainly noticed. Now it was her breaking point. She stopped you in the doorway with her words, on your way out.

Your heart had turned numb the moment you took the sword from Wu. In another life, you could have loved her like she deserved.

“My feelings for you…” You turn back to the room, to the screen she's projected her image to so she can look you in the eyes, “…Have changed.” you finish hollowly.

She blinks. She’s perfectly still, “I see.”

“Thank you.” You say softly, “For everything.”

There’s a pause as she studies you, “Is this the end? Will you no longer come to see me?”

The part of you that wants her in your life twinges in pain, the first emotion you’d felt in days, “I believe that is for the best.”

You won’t take her down this path with you.

“Goodbye, Pixal.”

“I will respect your wishes,” She folds her hands in front of her, the perfect picture of poise, “Goodbye, Zane.”

---

Humans are so fragile. Ultraviolet liked to pretend she was tough, like she could take hits others couldn’t- but when it came down to it, her throat sliced just as easily as any others. Her hands were coated in her own blood from where she’s grabbed at her throat, but it was too late, and the slice was too technically perfect. Her knees had hit the ground first and she’d tried to twist, searching for something, eyes wild and mouth gurgling with words that couldn’t form around the blood in her mouth. She fell sideways, skin turning even paler than it already was, and then everything had stopped. The sprinkling rain washed the blood off her lips and diluted the river flowing from her neck. She almost looked like she was sleeping.

You stand over her motionlessly.

“Hey!” A voice cracks across the cool night air, and you turn to the side. You’re on the sidewalk in front of a motorcycle store that Ultraviolet had been intending on robbing, in plain sight. Across the street, up the road, is Nya. She’s not dressed in her ninja suit and her hair is down loose, the wet jeans and soaked hair hindering her sprint as she tears down the road to get to you.

You’re moving before you can think, clambering up the front of the store and up to the roof in record time, purposefully doing something that would be nearly impossible in skinny jeans to deter her. You don’t hesitate to race across the roof and leap to the next, jumping down the fire escape to the next alley and slipping through a thin corridor between two buildings. The sounds of the chase fade to nothing as you outpace her, weaving through back alleys and neighborhoods you’d become intimately familiar with that she didn’t know. After ten more minutes of running, you spin around and head straight for the monastery.

Nya wasn’t expecting to see you, or be witness to the next murder- it was raining- she wouldn't have her phone. That’s your only salvation. She didn’t have her phone.

You take all the shortcuts you know, running until your screen flashes with warnings. You recover from any stumbles in a millisecond. You get home in record time, basically throwing yourself into your room and ripping the mask off. Flinging your mask and sword into your closet and stripping off your wet turtleneck, you close the closet door and dive into bed. The blankets get yanked up to your shoulder and you close your eyes, feigning sleep, and wait.

Android stamina will always outpace humans. You beat Nya home.

She shouts for you all the moment she's through the door, throwing open your doors in her haste to get you up and mobilize after the murderer. She opens your door to you sitting up in bed, clearly woken up from sleep and giving her an openly bewildered expression.

You jump out of bed and throw on your ninja suit, joining the others on the porch as you all gear up.

---

You don’t find the murderer. No one else does either.

Kai looks at you, once you’re all home and exhausted after the all night search. Everyone is soaked and ready to go to bed, dispersing with low spirits and tired eyes. Kai stands in the entryway, dripping wet, and he really looks at you.

You give him a questioning eyebrow raise.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” He says finally, “I won’t judge you.”

“…I know.”

He stares at you, eyes smoldering. He’s in pain. “There’s blood on your collar.” He says finally.

You look down at it- it’s barely noticeable. There must have been a few droplets on your chin that ran down with the water. If you’d been wearing black, he wouldn’t have been able to tell. Your ninja suit is white.

“It’s oil.” You say softly, the patch is just old and watered down enough that you could pass it off for brown.

“Okay.” Kai says. He looks like he’s going to cry.

He looks like he’s afraid of you.

---

Mr.E vanishes after Ultraviolets assassination. You look for him during SoG meetings and you keep an ear out, but he’s nowhere to be seen or heard. The gang is falling apart, half the newer members jumping ship- chances are Mr.E saw the writing on the wall and got out before his neck was next. You could respect that. You might even thank him for it, because if he hadn’t abandoned his post there’s a chance you would have never found out who the quiet one was.

There’s three totally unqualified people at this meeting so far, the members that had ranked directly below the previous three. Their skills were lacking, but their loyalty was rock solid. That was the Quiet Ones main priority after Mr.E’s Irish goodbye. The three were clearly nervous even though they were trying to appear tough- the taller girl even attempting to do tricks with her butterfly knife to appear cool and intimidating. It might have worked if she didn’t drop the blade every other trick.

A door opens and shuts in the silence, the black night outside offering no clue to the newcomers identity. She doesn’t leave them in suspense, though, striding into the light with a stormy expression. She starts talking immediately, taking their names and offering her own.

“You may call me the Quiet One.” She instructs them.

“You’re really the quiet one?” The man says, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“Yes. Is there an issue?”

“None at all, ma’am.” He responds gruffly, dipping his head.

That’s all the confirmation you need. You slide to the edge of the exposed beam you’re sitting on, swinging down by your arms before you drop straight into the middle of the group. Your feet slam onto the table and the things tilts- you hadn’t anticipated it, so you end up going left instead of right. Instead of the single clean kill you came here for, you’re thrown into butterfly knife girl and the scene becomes a lot more grisly. Your stumble gave them time to process your intentions- you relied on surprise. Now this would get messy.

Knife girl stabs you in the chest. Her knife gets stuck. While she’s trying to rip it out of your skin, you sever her hands at the wrist. She screams and doesn’t stop.

The bigger male lunges for your throat and you hold your sword up so it plunges straight through his chest, his own momentum forcing it through muscle and the delicate capillaries in his lungs. That doesn’t stop him and his hands are on your throat- it doesn't do anything, of course, because you don't need to breathe. He keeps squeezing, and your neck strains. He could pop your head off if he tried. Your sword is buried in his chest and you can’t back up enough to get the space to pull it out.

You reach up and fumble for the butterfly knife, ripping it out of your chest and whipping it around to slam it directly into his ear. He howls in pain, releasing your neck to scrabble at his head before you use the knife to slice him from ear to collarbone. He collapses and the sword slides out of his body.

Knife girl has gone silent, bleeding to death from the ruined arteries in her wrists.

The other woman throws something the moment her shot is clear and on reflex you catch it. It’s a throwing knife and dangling from the handle-

You dart it back at her before you can finish understanding the word bomb. She’s not expecting such fast reflexes, so she’s not prepared for the knife to bury itself in her chest.

Then it explodes.

You spin around, preparing for the Quiet One to attack you next-

The door is open, and she’s gone.

The worst part about all of this is that you didn’t recognize her. Running her face through your facial recognition software came up empty too- so did cross checking any and every news outlet, hoping to see her face maybe in the back of a crowd. Nothing.

That could have been your only chance.

---

“I have been in your shoes before, I know this is hard. You must be prepared to do everything to protect them.” Master Wu had said after you had vomited up your dinner the night of the Mechanics murder, “This path will cost you everything.”

“Everything?” You questioned, staring down at the toilet bowl.

“But they will be safe.” He reassures you, gripping your shoulder tightly.

---

You don’t let the two parts of your life overlap. You don’t. The nights you go out, you are a serial killer. The next morning you are Zane, elemental master of ice, the titanium ninja. Zane is not tainted by all the blood and death and gore. Zane is not a murderer. You don’t ever use your sword as Zane, and you never use your shurikens as the serial killer. Everything would fall apart if you couldn’t keep them separate.

As you stand in the palace and the emperor introduces his daughter, your hands twitch for your sword the moment she opens her mouth. The face paint. You weren't able to discover her identity because of the face paint. Caked on so thick that her bare face looked like a completely different woman-

The emperor's daughter Harumi, and the Quiet One. Two parts of her life that aren't supposed to overlap.

“-Zane: The cold and calculating android.” She names you sweetly, voice honey thick. There’s a manic, wild edge to her eyes that the face paint can’t hide.

It makes sense. Her three most trusted advisors were murdered or abandoned her, and their replacements were slaughtered immediately after. The Sons of Garmadon had begun to collapse, fractioning off into smaller gangs with their own leaders. The main faction still had a substantial number of die-hard loyalists who were growing more and more extreme by the day. Robbery, assault, murder- they were wreaking havoc on Ninjago. They even managed to steal the Oni Mask of Vengeance. Now, her eyes slid over to Lloyd and locked onto him. She slipped a new mask on, one that was shy and flirtatious. The Quiet One wanted Lloyd wrapped around her finger.

But Harumi and the Quiet One weren’t supposed to exist at the same time.

Neither were Zane and the serial killer.

Inevitably, though, two worlds will always collide. Maybe the two parts of her and you were never supposed to live separate forever. Maybe you shouldn’t have taken that sword from Wu. Maybe you should have brought it with you so that Zane didn’t have to use his shuriken.

“Thank you for this opportunity,” You say clearly into the cold, cold room. Or maybe you’re the cold one, “I will not let it pass me by.”

There’s blood on your shuriken.

You collect your mask and your sword from underneath the floorboards in your bedroom and run.

They’re safe. They’ll always be safe.

[lalaloopsycutie]

Do you have any tips on how to speed run Anna ? And I'm not just a wannabe I've been through this multiple times but I end up relapsing and gaining most if not all of it back because my friends find out or my family comes close to finding out but usually just cut my friends off if they find out and try my best to get back on track but lately I've been terrible at that cuz I have a new friend and she's in been trying to drag me into this bs of body positivity 🙏🏽😭

honestly as someone who's really bad at sticking to 4n4 here's what I've done to go from 201 to 186 in a month !!

- I drink water every day. This is a given, it's great for you.

-I try to do an easy workout two or three times a week, just to keep myself flexible and healthy!

-I walk every day except Saturdays. 5k steps minimum, but I aim for 10k. I track my steps on my phone and the app I use tracks how many calories I burn, too!!

-I also try to eat omad except Saturdays, where I liquid fast.

-If I feel like binging I put music on and wait it out.

-avoid the kitchen, avoid the food there!

-Be kind to yourself! You're only human, and being cruel to yourself won't help you mentally.

-And as for keeping the fact you have an ed under wraps i try to just play the part of the "healthy friend." I eat around other people, but it's always the healthier option. I try not to mention counting cals or fasting around people. Nobody suspects a thing because I'm overweight and my family is encouraging my weight loss!

-idk how helpful this is bc I'm not very good at having an 3d lol

Remember to stay safe, everyone!! Have a skinny Xmas!!!!

[y-vna]

Just so it's clear, one of my big dni crits is this:

TW: My rant includes HEAVY topics of ed (eating disorders) and intentionally starving yourself/unhealthy weight loss 🙁.

This post is also ULTRA long, will definitely contain grammar and spelling mistakes, and I'm not going to say 100% everything here is accurate information, as I'm a human and I make mistakes too.

Let me get this clear, I dont mean anyone harm with this post. My intention isn't to hate or attack/hurt anyone to make them feel upset. I know that having an ed is a serious matter. I have friends and family who actively have/had these kinds of eds, so im not uneducated on this subject and I do understand it to a very in-depth degree. This is not to say I know everything about this topic, however.

It is definitely not easy to recover from, and lots of people struggle from it every day. I am NOT saying people with this disorder are any less human than anyone else. I'm saying it's toxic for those who do have it since it actually harms your body a lot, and pushing it on others (not the fact you have it in the first place) is something I don't support.

So respectfully, if you do support/promote eds as a positive thing, or are/follow/interact with blogs who do, BLOCK ME AND DNI. thank you.

I love everyone for who they are inside, regardless of what their body looks like. And I'm telling you right now, as someone who tried so hard to have a perfect body and stop eating bc im super insecure, it's not worth it, and it makes you feel so shitty. I love you, whoever is reading this, no matter what. So please don't change who you are just to make others happy :( <3

--

So I was looking thru tumblr, and this one post kept getting shown to me where people were talking about basically the idea of: "its worth it to keep losing that undesired weight, you'll see results soon" as like a motivational thing. The tags (straight up tells you it's supposed to be inspo to becoming skinny and supports the idea having an ed is the only way to get a dream bod), and their whole blog had ed encouragement/motivation. To keep...starving, i guess.?? Despite their user being about being strong and healthy, nothing about this is healthy or keeps your body strong.

I didn't decide to write a whole rant about just that part of the post because I didn't start getting super concerned until i read the notes/comments (since i had seen a lot of these 'tw : ed' blogs before already). What I saw was that tons of users were promoting starving yourself as a goal and a good thing, and basically glorifying having an ed. And also using kpop idols with skinny and perfect figures like wonyoung to tell others that (almost a literal direct quote from this user-) 'us ed people don't want to be helped and we won't stop starving ourselves until we reach the weight we want.'

"You see it as negativity cause you're not disordered." KEEP IN MIND THE PERSON THEY'RE TALKING TO USED TO ACTUALLY HAVE AN ED (the screenshot below is the person they were talking to). I understand you can't push people to get help if they don't want it, but you have to draw a line when you start saying that every person with ed doesn't want help, which just isnt true. I looked at their blog, and it was all just calculating how many calories they ate and burned every day. Most of the posts they basically only totaled 300 calories a day. THAT IS SUPER SICK ☹️. An average human needs like 2000+ calories a day. It actively influences people to copy them by posting and blogging this SUPER unhealthy weight loss. It IS NOT positive on any level. It does nothing good for you. You won't feel any happier when you look in the mirror if all you can feel is pure hunger because you won't give your body what it needs. This is so sad to me because all the comments had people trying to ask how to start starving themselves, and every blog I clicked on all had ed triggers on their posts and bios. Some of those blogs were saying NOT to become like them because they can't see themselves recovering now that they're in too deep.

As said by people online who actually had and got through having an ed, they have explained it is very unhealthy and they were glad to recover. So even though I do not have an ed, and you might think I shouldn't be "judging" people who have them, there are plenty of formerly ed diagnosed people who know the bad effect it has on others/had on them because they can accurately relate. You can still educate people on a subject even if you yourself do not have to suffer from it/have it, as long as you're doing it properly with proven facts (literally all credible research you do anywhere backed by science and experts will prove eds aren't healthy). People educate themselves to teach others about other illnesses, ongoing or past wars in history, etc, they don't have firsthand experience with/from. And they can still be just as valid sometimes.

My whole point here is that on tumblr and so many other social media platforms, I keep seeing people (posts like this and whole blogs centered around this stuff,) encouraging (mainly young) girls to stop eating altogether to have a body that society and other people are more satisfied with. That's why, for a while, I also tried to do the same because of the people saying it was a positive thing to gain a bad relationship with food and start counting your calories to be perfect. I'm also someone who struggles with body image and being shamed for gaining weight. But at some point hou need to realize hurting your body and mental state is SO WRONG. NOBODY is perfect. So don't push you or anyone else to be. I learned this, and I get its super hard to ignore the judgment forced onto you by society and your surroundings, but there will be people who appreciate you just how you are now. Like me.

So with all that said, the moral here is:

Don't starve urself (on purpose. Bc some people genuinely have trouble eating and starve themselves non intentionally. I have friends who do this 😭)

You're perfect how u are now without being as slim as your idols (and even K-pop idols don't tell others usually to be like them because they know that their companies forcing them to strictly control their weight isn't something they want fans to look up to).

Don't force (potential) ed on others

Don't encourage unhealthy relationship with your body and food

I do support people with eds, as long as they aren't trying to make it something others should look up to, and aspire to have.

If you are someone who wants to normalize having an ed as healthy or positive, please do not interact with this blog and feel free to block me :(

Thank you for reading, have a good day and ily for whoever is reading this. 💗💖💓💕

[fatbellyboysstuff]

End of Year Reflections

For me New Years Eve doesn't just mark the begin of a new year, it's also (almost) the anniversary of the beginning of my intentional weight gain journey.

In December of 2022 I was at my lowest weight in years- 185 lbs, down from about 195 earlier in the year. I unintentionally lost some weight towards the end of the year and even though I received a lot of positive comments for it, it didn't feel right. I can so clearly remember laying in bed after Christmas dinner, rubbing my belly, feeling too small. there wasn't enough fat on my stomach, I wasn't soft enough, it didn't feel like me. I decided then and there that I would try and gain some weight back in the new year.

My first real stuffing ever was during the first week of January, the first night I was back at my place. it felt so good to pig out like that, to let loose a bit, I did it again just a couple nights later. I gained back the 10lbs I lost in just a couple of weeks. Around April 2023 I set my weight goal to 200 lbs.

Over the course of 2023 I tried to be careful. I only allowed myself to really stuff my belly once a month, maybe twice. I wanted to gain weight, but I was scared. I went back and forth on wanting to gain weight, posting here every so often and then feeling ashamed just a few days later. I needed to feel like I was in control of my gain, feeling like I could go back if I wanted to. but I also spent the year working through internalized fatphobia, reflecting on growing up fat while also having this kink and setting boundaries with my loved ones regarding my body.

despite my initial caution I ended the year 2023 at 210 lbs, already 10lbs heavier than my initial goal weight. in December of 2023 I also finally started Testosterone.

In 2023 I was scared, in 2024 I got confident and determined. In April I did a little challenge for myself- trying to eat at least 4k calories every day for a week. that week was a turning point for me. my appetite went up, I started gaining consistently and at the end of May I hit 220 lbs for the first time. Finally, 100 kg, reaching triple digits. I always planned to take a break once I hit 220, see how I feel, take it a bit slower for a while. but seeing those three digits on my scale for the first time made me ecstatic, I wanted to keep going... and to be honest with myself, I don't think I could have taken a break then. I gained another 11lbs over the next 10 weeks and lost them all at the end of August when I was on vacation with my family. that vacation, that weight loss, showed me once again- I want to be fat. I want to be fatter. Since September this year I've been going all in.

All the caution and control of 2023 is gone. I have gained 15lbs since the beginning of September. I have lost control over my eating and my gaining completely. and I didn't just loose that control, I gave it up. I finally let myself give in to being fat, give in to getting as fat as I want.

I go into 2025 sitting firmly at 235lbs. I have shifted my weight goal to 260lbs next. I want to spend 2025 enjoying tasty food, indulging in my favorite treats and growing my body further into my vision of myself.

thank you everyone for following my little journey, for encouraging me and for the great conversations I've had on here. I hope to build up new connections on here in 2025, because this community truly is such a positive force in my life. thank you all for being here, I hope the new year will treat you all kindly! 🩵

lastly: these pictures were taken almost exactly two years apart. 185 -> 235 lbs. 50 pound of fat added to my body. here's to the next however many pounds that'll be added this year! 🎉

[official-alpinebarnes]

Alpine,

I know you’re just a cat, but I want you to know how much you mean to me. You’ve been a constant source of comfort and joy in my life, and I appreciate all the little moments we share. Whether you’re curling up next to me on the couch or purring away while I pet you, those moments remind me of how important our bond is.

I know you can sense when things are tough around here. It’s been a challenging time for us, especially with the loss of some family members. I can see it in your eyes when you curl up closer to me, and I know you feel the weight of it all, even if you can’t quite understand. Just like us, animals have feelings, and I want you to know that your presence brings me so much comfort.

You may not realize it, but your gentle purring and warm cuddles have helped me more than I can express. In moments of sadness, you seem to instinctively know when I need you close. You’ve been my little furry therapist, always there to offer a nudge of encouragement or a soft headbutt when I need it most. Your loyalty and affection mean the world to me.

I promise to always take care of you and give you the love you deserve. You have a special place in my heart, and I hope you know that you’re never alone. We’re in this together, navigating the ups and downs of life. I’ll always be here to share those quiet moments and to remind you just how loved you are.

So, keep being the wonderful cat you are, Alpine. We’ll face everything together, and I’m grateful to have you by my side. Thank you for being my companion and for all the love you give.

With all my love,

Papa

*alpines eyes grow watery with a sense of love* *alpine purrs and runs off to find papa and jumps on the lap and gives them multiple nose nuzzles to his chin*

@official-buckybarnes

[kteezy997]

I’m With You -Part Ten: the end// Lee (Bones and All)

Heyy, I’m so sorry about the long delay, but here’s the ending.

Warnings: mention of cannibalism, family trauma, Lee crying, mention of slight weight loss

You and Lee were officially having a baby. Tests had said ‘yes,’ and the ultrasound confirmed it. You were concerned about finances, of course, but the two of you were doing okay. And you could still travel as you always had. You were also excited about the idea of settling down, and having a home somewhere with Lee and your child.

But Lee was acting different. He wasn’t upset about the baby or anything, but it did seem to make him nervous. You didn’t really understand why; he’d make a great parent. You thought of how gentle and understanding he was with you. He was the best person you’d ever known. As far as you were concerned: Lee had nothing to worry about.

He wanted to go see Kayla and tell her about the baby. He seemed happy, and so were you. But you could sense something happening inside him, below the surface. “Lee, honey, let me help you.” you insisted, watching him pack up your things into your Oldsmobile. “No way, baby. You’re not doing an excessive physical labor if I’m around. You just worry about keeping my baby safe.”

You shook your head, he could still make you blush now, just as much as when you first met him. He tossed in a duffel bag, slammed the hatch shut and when he looked at you, you said, “I don’t think lifting some luggage would do any harm.” Lee came up to you, put his hands on your shoulders, “Well, we’re not gonna risk it.” He kissed you on your forehead and said, “All right, let’s go!”

You were excited to be on the road again. You and Lee felt almost more at home just driving somewhere. After a while, you were felt yourself growing sleepy, and you leaned over on him, resting your head on his shoulder and your arm linked snuggly around his. For some reason, he felt smaller to you. Like when your elbow gazed his side, there was no cushion of flesh there. Lee was a tall and skinny type of guy, so he had never been huge or anything, but as you looked over at him, he looked skinnier than usual.

Even in the face, he looked slimmer, with his cheeks sunken in some. You couldn't believe that it took you so long to notice something. You guessed that the new of the baby and all kept you from paying much attention to his appearance. It was really strange because he was eating normally, nothing about his diet was out of the ordinary. And then you got to thinking: the bad thing.

Had he stopped doing it? You wondered this to yourself silently at first, then decided to ask him straight up. "Lee have you been eating?" He chuckled, "Yes, I've been eating. You and I have like every meal together, y/n." "You know what I mean." you said, lowly. Lee remained quiet for a while, keeping his eyes on the road to avoid looking at you.

After a few minutes, he sighed, "I haven't..." he shook his head, "done it for a while." "Okay. Look, I don't want to argue about this, or even try to encourage you to do it. But you need it to survive..." "No." Lee said, firmly. "I don't need it, y/n. I can stop." You nodded, and put your arm around him, gently patting the curls at the back of his head to soothe him.

"By why all of sudden, Lee? Why now? Is it the baby?" you asked. "Yes. I don't want the kid to know that about me and I'm actually scared shitless that I'm going to pass it down to them." "Oh, Lee." you cooed, hugging him from the side and kissing him on the cheek. "Honey, why didn't you say something about this earlier? I don't want you to think about that or worry. It will be okay. Our child will be perfect."

Lee shook his head, and it was clear that he was growing more uneasy. He turned the steering wheel, pulling the car over onto the side of the road. "What are we doing?" He didn't say anything, he just put the car in park. "Lee, what's going on?" you were now quite worried about him. He opened the car door and stepped out. He turned to look at you through the open window of the driver's side door.

"I'm sorry, but please can you just stop talking, babe? I need a minute." he spoke firmly, but not harshly. You could see in his eyes that he was feeling troubled on a deeper level than you had ever known him to. He then turned and walked away from the vehicle. You sat there in the car, watching the man you love walking away as he wrestled internally with his thoughts. Your visit with Kayla could wait. Lee obviously needed to work through some things, and your heart ached for him.

You saw that Lee settled into a secluded spot near a small creek that was surrounded by a line of trees on either side. You gave him about an hour to be alone and you couldn't wait any longer. You needed to know what was going on in his head. You got out of the car, and walked over to where he was sitting to join him on the patch of grass.

He looked at you as you sat next to him, but his expression wasn’t necessarily readable. “Lee, what’s going on? Talk to me.” He inhaled and breathed out sharply, “I told you. I’m scared that this…thing will be passed down to our child. That’s why I’ve stopped doing it. I just can’t stand the thought of it anymore. I can’t-" his voice wavered, “I can’t have that, y/n. I don’t want that for the kid.” “Lee, stop,” you scooted closer to him, touching his shoulder.

“No, I’m serious, y/n.” Lee cried. “One day you’ll find your child with blood on them, you’ll realize what happened, and what they are. I don’t want that for you, it’s too much. The trauma that I’ve been through with my own father,” he shook his head, “I don’t want that for anyone else.” He put his hand on your cheek, caressing your skin softly. “Especially not you. I don’t want that kind of life for you.”

“It’s a risk, I know.” you said, “But I’m willing to chance it. The love we have for each other could be the end to your curse. We’ll just love and nurture this child, and hope and pray that it doesn’t need the bad thing. Okay?” Lee looked into your eyes, and you wiped his tears. “Just love me, Lee, and I’ll love you. That’s what we’ll do for this baby.” He pursed his lips, and sniffed his tears back. “Okay.”

You took your lover by the hand and headed back to the car. He stopped you before you got in, and said, “So you really think we can do this? This parenting thing?” You turned on your heels and leaned against the side of the car, “I think we can do anything.” He gave you a smile and slid his hands onto your hips. He closed the gap between you, and gave you a tender kiss on the lips.

[juuls]

Alright!

I’m looking for people to every so often inquire how I’m holding up/hold me accountable to the following:

After years of a calorie dense (and boring) diet due to long covid severe nausea for the last 3.5 years, mixed in with admittedly heavy alcohol (they say trauma can hit out of the blue even years later, sad to say it’s true) use in the last year… I am ashamed to say I gained all the weight I’d originally lost and then some from my last time.

It embarrasses me to say I started at 245 yesterday.

I walk my dogs twice a day but they don’t make it much of an exercise, though I get on my indoor cycle for 30mins at least 4x a week.

Tried Ozempic, made my nausea explode.

I don’t really have the energy to throw in a higher pace walk for myself on top of my dog walks. Fibromyalgia and long covid are exhausting.

But I’m starting Nutrisystem again (jerks won’t ship frozen foods to Canada!!! so, just the plain, preserved ones) and hoping the structure will help me physically and mentally. I lost a routine and really need one back, and one of my own, not revolving around someone else’s.

So far, first night, 2lbs lost, though that will slow down after the first 7-10 days.

Besides decreasing my pain levels, losing weight would make me eligible for breast reduction surgery (another thing keeping me from, say, jogging, or just… existing without pain in general).

I’ll include a few photos of my starting weight/as I gained weight, and a few of my goal size as inspiration.

But what I wouldn’t mind if someone checks in once in a while and asks how the weight loss is doing. If any of you do that (along with @cuthian my dear one) I’d be supremely grateful. A support network is key, especially with the alcoholism which I am entirely ashamed of.

Find pics below the cut!

Current/recent (I don’t have many full body shots but you can really tell with ny double chin):

Previous/lost weight last time:

My biggest indicators are my face (rounder, plumper, double chin)(and my beer belly from drinking, now) and so comparing face to face seems a good starting goal to grab onto. I mean… I have a cute chin! I want that back.

Sadly, one of my medications adds about 15lbs total… but I got down to 180lbs last time I tried this even with my medication. So it’s doable. And my parents are paying for the Nutrisystem again, on the oath of no more alcohol and I try my best.

Though I will fight anyway who doesn’t include me in special family dinner with shawarma wraps, but I got the calories sorted, yay! Just some extra exercise.

Thanks for listening to my very personal ramble. Again, if you’d like to help, please reach out whenever. Even just cheerleading/a like here and there, is great encouragement. ❤️💜💙

Love y’all muchly. 😘😁

[fuckitalltbh2]

making my own post about ed while actually medically obese.

I've been doing this shit since 11 or younger, my weight went from average to uw but didn't have scales or much photos survive all the time. I almost went the mi@ route even without Internet (mid 20s)

I became medically obese because I developed BED after traumatic events along with psych meds in my early 20s.

I developed full blown anorexia at 22, kick started by going to a dietician that put me on diets that were legit 500 calories. Despite all of my behaviour, I restricted without calories counting and didn't know much. Then I learned about it through "normal ppl" weight loss places and here we are.

I lost weight very fast until I reached 60 kg, from 106 kg to 60 in about 4-5 months.

I recovered for a while at 25, but it was unmonitored and basically a big binge cycle. I went through a fitbro era there, macros obsessed and protein, but the binging got to me.

First of all, everyone will say mean comments. You'll be ashamed to get out of the house and you know it's not in your head. You're actually obese, the number say it, people say it to your face.

Second, when you start restricting. Everyone is happy about your diet. For me it's all I could talk about, excited about my progress, obsessed. No one considered it wrong, they enabled and fueled my behaviour more.

Third, you'd go through different phases of weight loss and different bodies. People will have comments "yeah you're good but your body still has a belly or thighs or whatever, you need to lose more"

Fourth, you'll be praised for your control and refusing food. You're known as the diet person. "I wish I had your control, wish I was that lucky". People will come to you for tips. One triggering moment when I told a fat person at the time while I was skinny aka average, that I lost it in 5 month and they said not fast enough.

Fifth, you're going to deny your ed because it's "not bad enough" despite having all the rot, symptoms, behaviors, everything. Because you're not at your ugw or uw.

Sixth, plateau at an average weight hurts like a mf, hair fell out, heart was aching like crazy, my teeth were damaged from c/s and binging. All that shit.

Seventh. Yes loose skin, lots of it, collapsed stomach muscles, collapsed muscles in your arms. Even if you become ugw, your body will not look like sp0 and you'll feel like shit.

Eighth, god forbids if you decide to recover or enter a binge cycle. God fucking forbids, everyone will bully you. They'd say you lost your control. Pull up old pictures and say how pretty and skinny you were (mother in my case), everyone will do that. Even now, my family still fat shames me, throws around comments I need to diet or hit the gym.

Ninth, tip, keep your fucking clothes and store them. I'm lucky I still had all my old obese clothes because I would have had to buy an entire wardrobe. "it's not gonna be me I'll stay skinny", nope trust me, lies, ed is unpredictable, it's a disease and mental disorder. The @n@ to bed pipeline is real. I don't mean to scare anyone, but I think some of you know this already.

Tenth, again people will notice your relapse and encourage it even if they know about your ed history.

11th, recovery places are toxic as shit. They have attractive to skinny people, lip service, and predatory in the financial sense. Plus, the people are comptetive even there. I rather talk about my recovery with my ed friends that I've known for a while. It's not as triggering. Also, you can recover however you fucking want, there's no script, harm reduce, whatever. You don't have to listen to anyone asides from a therapist if they are right for you . Plus, recovery accounts are restriction focused not mi@ or bed friendly, similar to here in a way, 🤷🏻

For me personally, working on the thoughts and reducing the habits. But I want a lifestyle change to reach an average weight and stay there. All the brain rot still lives, but it's a compromise because I can't cope with still being obese.

[lexirexie]

when i first became @n4, i made it obvious. like i wanted my family to notice. probably because they used to pick on me for eating so much and so much sugar, i wanted them to see me differently, and better than that. i didn’t have any close friends and my boyfriend is like medium distance from me meaning i only see him a couple times a month if that, so it was an easy secret to keep from others, but when it came to family i wanted them to know.

now its the opposite. i don’t want them to find out ive relapsed, half because im scared of being forced into more treatment and half because i feel bad and guilty for it. they love me, they realised their comments affected me and they’ve been doing their best to support my recovery. i feel horrible going back on everything, but of course it doesn’t feel like a choice.

you think you’ll feel great when people point out your weight loss and how much ‘better’ you look, but i feel uncomfortable, guilty and sad because im aware its wrong, its not something id encourage and to me its become a sign of weakness and i dont want to be seen as weak.

i wish i could be thin and have a good relationship with food and my body image, and love myself. this is of course possible with hard work and therapy, but for some reason right now all i care about it losing more drastic weight as soon as possible . i want to lose around 13 more kilos at least. it’s not hard, so im gonna just do it.

my relapse has obviously been triggered by my boyfriends sister. is it wrong to feel like you can’t stand someone for having the same illness? maybe its because shes a lot skinnier than me, and she became ana a lot younger than i did, shes been underweight slightly before and was hospitalised last year. or maybe its because i see something in her that i don’t like about myself.

why does everything have to feel so complicated.

[therealitychecksneakpeek]

Chapter 3

If you missed Chapter 1 & Chapter 2, make sure you take a look!

He repeats the question, this time using my name, “Mandy? Can I kiss you?”

I stammer a bit before blurting out, “In what capacity?” which somehow breaks the tension, making us both laugh.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I just realized I’m most nervous about having to kiss you next week in a room full of people when I barely know you. I was hoping we could just rip the Band-Aid off so I don’t have to spiral about what that’s going to be like. That way, things can just be smooth when we actually start filming. Is that weird?”

Shit. It’s not fair he gets to look the way he does and also be totally adorable.

“No, it’s not weird. Believe it or not, I’m nervous too.”

“Really?” He looks both surprised and relieved.

“Yeah, I mean you’re my first fake, on-air boyfriend.”

I tell him about how the show started when I was 22 and how it went from being a vehicle to promote myself and my music to my sole career. It’s the first time I’ve actually said a lot of this out loud, not to mention to the hottest guy I’ve ever seen in my life, but Casey makes it easy. He’s told me about his family and what they mean to him, which makes me open up about my mom’s battle with breast cancer when I was 26 and how suddenly the income from the show meant the difference between her getting the best treatment in the country or what was available in her limited health plan.

It was because of that I had to do whatever it took to stay on the air, even if it went against my core beliefs. I went from this fearless 22-year-old who wanted to show other women confidence comes from within and can happen at any size to an overburdened 26-year-old reality tv star shilling weight loss teas and bending over backwards to accommodate whatever the network wanted.

Two of my best friends that started as cast members don’t talk to me anymore.

They still sing at the church we all met at, but I had to fire them because they became moms who audiences felt had “boring storylines” and “read as tired all the time” in exchange for Katrein who was also plus size, “dynamic,” and “aspirational”. My family still made a cameo from time to time but they went from being a huge part of the show to an occasional FaceTime in order to pay a revolving door of my new friends which included hot trainers, singing coaches, life coaches, and whatever trends the network deemed timely.

All the while, I had been assured that the show was still mine.

My star was what kept the show chugging along, and everything I did on my Instagram and TikTok helped keep me relevant. At one point I worked with a PR person named Jenna who encouraged me to move to Nashville for the summer and collaborate with up and coming country music artists to help expand my fanbase, even though I don’t sing country music. She also thought I should get gastric bypass and do one of those magazine covers where someone who has lost a lot of weight stands in their old pants. For some reason, that was the thing that ended my relationship with her.

Thinking about it now, it’s hard to believe I’m 34-years-old and just as close to achieving my dream of pop star stardom as I was all those years ago. The realization hits me like a ton of bricks and Casey, who has somehow been absorbing all of this, reaches out and takes my hand in his.

It’s strange. I know that Casey is being paid to be with me, but it doesn’t feel like he sees it that way. It might just be me being a bit delusional but it feels like we already have a real connection.

“See, you don’t need to be nervous,” I joke. “You’re a natural at this boyfriend stuff.”

He blushes a little but doesn’t let my hand drop.

“I suppose that’s thanks to Kelly?”

The question is asked tentatively, even though he brought her up when it had been his turn to monologue about the life circumstances that led him to me. I know I’m playing with fire a little bit, because most of what he’s shared is fairly surface. The thing is, I know he’s playing a part but I’m starting to want this to be real, and that’s a very dangerous thought.

My heart doesn’t give a shit and wants to know if I have a chance. Maybe they’re not as serious as Ben and his bio made it out to be.

“Probably,” he says. “You’d like her. You’re a lot alike in some ways.”

“How so?”

He shrugs.

“Big dreams and not afraid to go after them.”

“So, you’re telling me you have a type,” I say way too flirtatiously than I should. “Glad that your real girlfriend and fake girlfriend are similar in that way. Is she fat too?”

I can tell he’s a nice guy by the way he recoils a bit when I say “fat” as if it’s a dirty word. Ben once explained to me that even though I own it and it doesn’t bother me, it still feels like an insult somehow. I get what he means, of course I do. I’ve been fat long enough to know what it feels like to have it shouted at you or weaponized against your worth as a person. That’s why I don’t shy away from using it or calling myself fat.

I’m a 2x on a “thin” day and I have been for the past 15 years.

I’m lucky that I carry my weight in a way that society deems as more acceptable than other fat women, but I’m still fat – just with big boobs, a big ass, and a whisper of an hourglass figure.

“No, she’s not,” he finally says.

“Too bad,” I say, adding a playful wink. “You don’t know what you’re missing then.”

“I can already tell that any real boyfriend you have will be lucky to have you.”

I smile through the knife he’s just pushed through my heart and pretend to be unphased as I ask him about all things Kelly. I’m hoping that by doing so it will be less obvious that I’m starting to have a very real crush on him. I’m also hoping that my brain will actually register Casey is totally off limits.

Ben and his bio were correct in assuming their relationship is serious.

I get an abridged version but Casey tells me that he and Kelly have been an item since college where she majored in art history as he pursued an MBA. I discover that Casey is actually five years younger than me, and Kelly three years younger than him. At twenty-nine, Casey is really ready to start settling down but Kelly isn’t totally ready which is why this whole thing doesn’t bother her.

I guess it’s easy to take a five-month breather from your serious relationship when you feel like you have all the time in the world.

He assures me that they’re still very much together, but for optics and other reasons their families and friends think they’re taking time to really explore who they are as people before they finally make that inevitable leap. She’s not planning on quitting her full-time job as an art teacher, but without Casey consuming all her time on weekends and after school she’s hoping to really see if she can create art and make a living at it.

He shows me that she’s already opened a shop on etsy and has a few prints for sale. I can tell that he’s genuinely proud of her, and I also make a mental note of her shop name so I can later look it up and obsess over the picture she’s uploaded. On his phone it’s too small to really see but I get the gist. Kelly is a blonde woman wearing a big smile and painter’s smock, holding up a painting of hers. I wonder if he’s only into blondes and if I wasn’t fat, if my brown hair and brown eyes would be a deal breaker. I wonder if he only dates women her size or if he’s one of those rare guys that values an emotional connection as much as a physical one.

“Are you worried at all about being apart for so long while we film? And then of course there’s the press obligations and the stuff we have to do for a month after wrap to make sure our relationship looks legit…”

“Maybe a little,” he admits. “But I also believe what’s meant to happen will happen, you know?”

“I do.”

Except what I’m hoping is meant to happen is probably not what he’s hoping. Especially now that we’ve had this conversation and I feel much closer to him than I ever thought I would.

“Should we kick this thing off?” I ask, taking my phone out and flipping the camera into selfie mode.

“Let’s do it,” he says.

I start to hold the phone away from me, but Casey moves closer to the point I can feel his body pressed against my back as takes it out of my hand.

“My arms are longer.”

He speaks right into my ear and his breath tickles my skin to the point I feel as if I’m covered in goosebumps and praying he can’t tell. He drapes his other arm around my shoulder, as if he were claiming me, and snaps a few shots. As if that weren’t enough he nuzzles my neck, still snapping away as I try to keep my face smiling and composed as if this is my real life and not just for show.

God, I wish it wasn’t just for show.

It’s taking all of my self-control not to make this incredibly inappropriate for him. I want to pounce on him, straddle his thick, muscular thighs and rub myself against…

“Can I kiss you Mandy?”

I want to scream, “OF COURSE YOU CAN!” but I just smile and nod. He cradles my face with his free hand, still holding the camera still with his other. I wonder if the selfie taking is making this less real for him, since social media assets were just talked about in our kickoff meeting, or if there’s more going on for him too and the camera gives him an excuse to indulge a little bit.

I don’t care either way but it’s confusing, and his touch doesn’t feel completely platonic or innocent. It feels like he’s reciprocating this blossoming crush, even if I’m not his usual physical type.

His thumb brushes over my bottom lip and I hear the shutter sound from my phone camera before he leans in and kisses me.

It occurs to me that someone has told him that kissing in film and tv is typically chaste and without tongue. I want to murder whoever told him that and wonder if that makes me a bad person. I continue to play with fire a bit as we kiss, parting my lips ever so slightly against his so should he want to slide his tongue into my mouth he’s able to do so.

To both my relief and dismay, he does not oblige.

The shutter continues to snap until he pulls back with a smile, one hand extended to offer me my phone while the other still gently strokes my face.

“Should we do another for good measure or do you feel like you’ve got that down?” I whisper quietly. I don’t know when it happened but my hands have found their way to his chest and it’s fair to say there has never been a man whose physique has made me feel this good in his arms. He holds me close in a way that makes me feel accepted for everything I am. There’s no shrinking down or wanting to feel small, instead there’s just being held. I just have never experienced anything like this. The worst part is I can’t seem to control myself either, and instead of pulling away I look at him, challenging him to kiss me without a camera.

I hate myself for this too.

This man has a girlfriend and what I’m doing is wrong.

I can’t help myself though – I’ve never felt this kind of pull before. Even with Tobey, whom I loved with my whole heart, this type of attraction was missing. I have judged so many people for getting close to doing what I’m tempting Casey to do, and I’m judging myself but something about him has me already losing control.

Casey’s gaze flickers between my eyes and lips and just as I could swear he starts leaning forward to kiss me again, a voice pulls us both back to reality.

[magpies-gold]

Character Age Meme - Errick

I'm running into situations during story development where I really need to know more of my characters' life stories and what they looked like when they were younger, so it's time to continue with these. I did Henry/Heinrich a while back already. I still have Elliot and Paul to do to finish off my cast of main characters.

Errick had a wildly different upbringing from Heinrich. Where Heinrich was the equivalent of a feral stray cat, Errick is the closest thing that you get to royalty in the base. His family has always been in command, ever since the shell sealed them in, and Errick grew up privileged, happy, and loved. He didn't even have much to worry about for the first few years: his older brother, Michael, was always supposed to be the one in charge one day, not him.

When he was around age seven, Michael was killed in an accident. Errick had never been especially good at making friends, and the loss of his big brother was the loss of his best friend, as well. It left a big hole in his life that he had a hard time filling, and it also dropped the weight of future responsibility as commander of the base squarely on his shoulders. It wasn't something he ever wanted, and not something he ever rose to the challenge of.

When he was nine, there was a debacle in the base surrounding a fourteen year old problem named Henry. In the aftermath of the chaos, Henry was, rather fortuitously, stuck in a holding cell at Alpha Base HQ while Errick's father tried to figure out what to do with him. This left Errick with an opportunity: a literally captive audience. He visited Henry regularly, and before long they were friends... whether Henry wanted it or not. Errick pretty much picked him out like a pet from the humane society and all but informed him that that they were friends now; its how Errick be and how Errick do). I wouldn't say that Errick was the sole reason for Henry getting to still have a future after what had happened, but he sure influenced the decision.

Henry and Errick got each other through some rough times over the next few years. Henry had a steep adjustment period from his past life to his present one and Errick had more personal tragedy to deal with. His mom died after a few years of illness when he was twelve, leaving him with just his very busy dad as family. One more loss and he'd be the last of the Rider family left. By this point he was also starting to understand how bleak his own future really was. More than ever, it was becoming apparent that Alpha Base's continued survival was not a sure thing past the next few decades. Nothing lasts forever, and one can only keep recycling the same material for so long before it all turns to dust. Dust was exactly what was uncomfortably near on the horizon. It didn't encourage Errick much in regards to taking his looming responsibilities seriously. What fun is it to be captain of a sinking ship?

When he was 19, that came to a head with the rise of the dreamers and the rebellion. The four key players of the rebellion were close friends of Heinrich's, and their ringleader was the sister of Errick's at-the-time boyfriend. The betrayal and the threat coming from so close by shook him badly and only made him more paranoid and more afraid of what was to come.

He had at least one more long-term relationship after that - with a woman named Laura - but his twenties and his early thirties were not wonderful for his mental health. The rebels continued to be a problem that Heinrich and Commander Christoph couldn't seem to get a handle on, the base was dying, the population was on a decline, it was getting harder to keep the lights on, and when he was in his late twenties, Errick's father started showing the first signs that he was getting sick. Christoph still had a lot of years left in him, but it was the very beginning of an end. The stress took a toll on Errick's relationship with Laura, and what they had fell apart in spectacular fashion.

Errick met Paul when he was 32 and Paul was 23. At the time, Errick wasn't necessarily looking for anything that would last, but they ended up being extremely good for each other. Paul thrives off of being needed and doesn't take much personally - he's got a very stable, steady personality. Errick does well with someone trustworthy, dependable, and loyal who genuinely loves him, loose screws and all, and that's Paul to a tee.

So Errick was actually doing all right for himself, finally.

And then, at age 37, the book begins, and so do a whole new set of troubles.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Chapter 22 - Crimson Spider Lily

"RAIAN, WAIT!" Kisara yelled after him, but it was to no avail. "That idiot's going to get himself killed!" the auditorium was filled with cries of disdain at seeing yet another murder before their very eyes, while others were wondering whether this blatant murder was going to end up with a Kengan Penalty. Kisara was happy she was smart enough to kill the Ogre after being declared the winner, thus, it was an altercation outside of the match. Still, whatever, or... Better said, WHOever Raian noticed, was bad news.

Back in Katahara's room, the Patriarch declared the Kure Clan was pulling out of the competition, and they will be refunding the money for the contract. Nogi was angry, but there was nothing that he said out of anger that could shake the old Kure leader - After all, no contract is above family. Edward Wu, despite being Toyoda Idemitsu's guest, had to be killed - It didn't matter that they were going to be direct enemies of the Worm or Purgatory - Nothing mattered, except revenge. The leader of the Wu main clan urged Erioh to hurry already - Though neither of the old men had any idea it would be the last time they ever see each other - A friendship stronger than anything earthly, yet death takes us all, and life was truly a harsh, cruel maiden.

"Ohma." Kisara called out to her lover. "I'm going after Raian. I'm worried about him." "You know well enough wherever that brat is, there is also danger, don't you?" the girl nodded, making her husband sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose. "I suppose I know his strength better than anyone. Fine, go ahead, if anything happens I'm sure he's well capable of protecting you. Still, I want you to run away and come get me if you get overwhelmed, alright?" "Knock on wood!" Kisara gulped with unease. "Still, I have my katana at me. Might as well use it if needed. Hopefully not though." she spoke, looking absent-minded towards the hall that might still be leading towards Raian's secret destination. "You know... For a little Psycho Brat like him, Raian has been a very important person in my life while you were, well... Dead. I owe him more than I'd like to admit. The least I can do is check on him. He may be physically stronger than most, but his emotional outbursts are going to lead to his downfall if he forgets to use that dumb brain of his." Ohma recalled the frequent voice and video calls that the two had during his stay at the village, and he almost felt himself cringing. The times Kisara would shriek her desperation into the sky, urged by the Kure brat, or when he'd encourage her to cry her whole weight in tears and irrigate a whole flower garden were the times when his resolve felt the weakest, and he wanted to run to her and reassure her he was still alive and very well.

He had been shocked to see how well a snotty brat like Raian could cope with Kisara's supposed loss of her fiance, and how self-destructive she got; Frankly, Ohma never imagined his death could impact her to such a degree, but to have the ultimate confession coming from her on a late night ( As the timezones were so damn screwed between Japan and whatever country she was in at that time ) that were it not for Raian, she would not have been able to smile again, let alone muster the strength to laugh; Get the strength to get out of the bed every day, no matter how hard it was to cope with the awful reality of the excruciating loneliness she had been feeling until not too long ago, and realise that perhaps there is still a reason to keep on going, to see the Sun rise just one more time, to see the starry night at least once more, or to take in the smell of the flora, or delight yourself with the thrill of the birds... It wasn't easy, but it wasn't impossible either. Not anymore.

In theory, the man had a lot to thank Raian for - Not only for being taken care of for so long, but being helped to train so thoroughly, and even for the tremendous emotional and moral support that he offered his most beloved person alive - But like hell was he going to thank that snotty brat. It would only get to his head. Perhaps one day, though, when he gets knocked off his high horse, and Ohma wins in terms of numbers at least, during their sparring matches.

Kisara noticed that Akoya went on for his fight, and considering she couldn't care less about his fight, nor of that flamboyant blond guy's, she abruptly turned to the rest of the Kengan fighters still remaining standing in their assigned chamber, and she threw them a leisure peace sign and a grin. "As the designated emotional support of the group, and also, the coolest fighter that Kengan has - It is my duty to wish you all fantastic matches, and tell you that I'm proud of you, no matter the outcome of your matches!" she spoke cheerfully, before sending herself off with a lazy military salute, imitating her Senpai. "I'm going to look after Raian. In theory, I should be back by the time Psy-Cop is done with his match. In practice, well... That honestly depends on what he's up to." "Hey, hold up--" Takeshi was the first to voice his concerns, as well as everyone else's. "You've already been attacked once, and you're a prime target for the Worms. I'm not sure you should go out there, all alone, even if it is Raian you're searching for." Kisara, however, winked at him dismissively. "Let me worry about that, okay, Best Friend~?" she blew him a kiss, before skipping outside, towards the hall. "You sure she's going to be fine, Tokita?" Ohma looked at the Kengan fighters, all of them present ( with the exception of the odd Masaki ) having become such indispensable parts of his wife's life, without whom she couldn't imagine her life; He, of all people, knew how much she would gush over all of them, in their own way, and how much she appreciates and treasures them, equally, for everything they did for her. Ohma shook his head at them, showing his uncertainty - But has danger ever stopped Kisara from going above and beyond when she had her mind set on something in particular? "I'll just hope Raian finds her before anyone else."

That wasn't the case though, for it wasn't Raian who found Kisara first, but the other way around - Not the way she expected to ever see him though. Raian was on the ground, beaten up to a pulp, and in a pool of his own blood, laying with his face down, like a pitiful, overused ragdoll. "R-Raian...?!" the girl gasped, falling on her knees besides him. "Raian, what the hell, get up!" who could have done this, she kept asking herself - Raian was one of the strongest men she's ever known; If even HE could get beaten up to such a degree, there is no way she would ever, in a million years, stand a chance against the assailants who could get him in such a state. How could she protect him, when he has always been her protector? It was Raian who protected her against Tanji three times, he who protected her during the coup, and he who was eager to help her instill her revenge against her parents, who betrayed her - And most of all, it was he who went out of his way to text her all the stupidest things that he heard, all to make her smile, as he knew very well the struggles she was going through. She could never repay this emotional debt she feels towards him, and especially, she could never reciprocate the way he did for her. "Raian, please, get up! Don't scare me like this!" she kept trying to shake his shoulders, but he wouldn't budge.

Suddenly, a few footsteps echoed casually towards her; Based on the look of the three men towering over them, they must be members of the Westward Faction - They were really scary, and their powerful pressure sent a chill down her spine. She almost felt death knocking on her door, just by the way they were looking at her. "To think Alan tripped over a pitiful pebble like this." the one dressed more casually was the first to speak. "I guess we expected too much of the kid. What do they say in manga at times like this?" the one dressed in a suit smirked at the other. "Hey, missy." the one wearing an animal print shirt lit up a cigar. He must be the leader, Kisara realised, based on how buff he was, and how overly confident he acted towards her. "Tuck your baby boy to sleep and tell him a nice story so he won't cry from getting a boo-boo playing with the big boys in the playground. By the time he wakes up, the world will have already changed." the woman dared say no word, simply settling for tightening her grip on the Kure and nodding almost meekly. Not only was she in a clear numeric deficit, but the power imbalance tipped the scales... From Heaven to Hell, an infinite distance.

As the trio turned around on their heels and began to walk away, the warm body that Kisara was touching disappeared, and Raian had rushed forward at unimaginable speed; And though one of those three kicked his foot backwards to slam the Devil in the face, the brat was grinning, having used his forearm as a shield. That was the only successful maneuver that Raian succeeded, however, as Solomon Wu slammed his body like a golem into his own, smashing him against the wall and easily avoiding the cutting palm that the brat attempted at his face, as Fabio grabbed him by the underarms, turning him into a punching bag for the former. "Those guys are my spares. I possess the ego of Wu Hei, thanks to Huisheng. Huisheng's a little tricky, you see - You could theoretically use Huisheng on the entire clan to mass-produce Wu Heis, but that'd just lead to anarchy, cause Wu Hei's personality doesn't like serving anyone else... Then again, if the successor dies, Huisheng stops there - So I need spares, like them." Kisara cringed painfully as she watched her friend get nasty punch in his pretty face, over and over, and the knuckles of Solomon Wu breaking his skin, splattering blood everywhere. "There's also Alan, who you killed, and one other, meaning there are five of me in the Westward faction; Though we call each other by names out of convenience. Oh, wait - Guess we're down to four." "PLEASE STOP IT!" Kisara yelled, throwing herself over Solomon's arm, and keeping her whole weight to block his elbow joint, and keeping one foot straight over Fabio knee, while the other was firmly planted on the ground, she was somehow capable of keeping the fist from connecting with his face. "LEAVE HIM ALONE, YOU FUCKING PSYCHOS!" The trio laughed in unison at the girl, only for Solomon to overpower her with such ease, and elbow her in the diaphragm, slamming her to the ground, far away from them. "Silly girl, you think you're a real fighter, just because you fooled around a little and beat up some guy from the very bottom of the barrel? How cute, ain't it?" Edward Wu taunted her, watching as she was coughing and wheezing on the ground to regain her proper breathing.

Raian took advantage of the moment everyone's eyes were away from him, and he broke free with the activation of Removal - With one swift move, he was able to launch a punch to one, and a kick to another; Yet not only were both parried, but with Edward joining, he got kicked down from three spots, at the same time. What a disgrace. "Now that's what I like to call Perfect Sync. We're all ME after all." Edward laughed, cigar still between his teeth. "You're mad, aren't you? Is it because we hurt your mummy crush? Or maybe you think it's unfair, baby boy - And you'd be god-damn-right that it's unfair, and we're gonna be unfair, and fight you three-on-one! We can begin with that lovely lady over there too, just to get a rise out of you." that cruel chagrin of his was quickly wiped off by none other than the Kure Patriarch, who came out of nowhere like the true Master Assassin that he was, and impaled Fabio with his sword from behind. "Make that Two-On-Two." the Mighty Demon, Kure Erioh, had arrived. Fabio wailed as his torso was ruthlessly stabbed, yet despite such an injury, he hadn't died - Instead, he growled in anger at having had his brother killed. What a mess of a monster.

Kisara thought the Kure were strong as hell, but these guys too... They were complete maniacs, to say the least, and very, very scary. Despite his best effort at releasing his Guihun at 100%, the Patriarch cut him in half, vertically, with a simple, swift move. Kisara had formally trained in kendo herself, yet she couldn't even dream of matching the elder's assassination and sword skills overall. For once in so long, her interest had been piqued, and she found motivation to learn something more, to push herself further, just like she trained with Hatsumi and Agito previously, and master, as much as possible, another fighting style. "Edward Wu, your head is mine." the old one spared no time to waste, as he lunged forward to attack, only to have Master Wu Xing, the Head of the Chinese branch of the Wu Clan, the Master of Phantasms, engage in a surprise attack - He avenged his uncle, and now, it was time to avenge his beloved.

"Stay behind me." Raian growled, pushing the red head behind him as he started properly fighting Solomon Wu, who wanted to break free and aid his other Wu Hei sibling. "Raian, be careful! Don't let that sucker provoke you!" Kisara exclaimed, only to see that he wasn't taking any advantage over his opponent, but instead, he remained in a platitude of evenness that irked her. "Raian, you're wasting energy on unnecessary movement! Get a grip already!" the brat was glaring like a monster at the foe before him, and he was getting distracted by the main fight of the three clan leaders. "RAIAN ---" "GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK ALREADY!" Raian roared, his voice resounding harshly through the halls as he kicked Solomon so painfully strong that he sent his foe in the direction of Erioh and Wu Xing. "HEY, GRAMPS!!! MOVE YOUR ASS!!!" like a cat, Solomon ended up on his feet, very close to the main Wu Hei iteration. Raian roughly grabbed Kisara's wrist, dragging her to the other two. "YOU, SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY AND KEEP SAFE!" he was outright fuming. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU ALL!!! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!" as if to anger the brat even more, Wu Xing and Erioh shared a look, and with a simple nod, they activated their secret techniques - Evidently, both with 100% capacity. "HEY, FUCK OFF, GRAMPS!!! HE'S MINE!!!" "Can it, whipper-snapper!" the Patriarch snapped at the boy. "Miss Kisara, if you will, please keep this brat away from this fight, he'll only get in our way." "A-Alright...!" thought the woman couldn't help but look with confused bewilderment at the old man, it was her turn to grab the boy's whole arm and cling on it. "Time to become a parasite. Sorry, kid." "What do we do? It's two on three now." clearly, Solomon wasn't counting the woman as an opponent. Great mistake for later. "What do we do? Simple!" Edward smirked at his counterpart spare. "We just bring them down to zero." what a simple reply, yet the execution was going to be hellish.

But Kisara couldn't, with her 50-something kilograms of a body, to stop the powerhouse of an unstoppable force that Kure Raian was, and though he was careful to shrug her off without hurting her, he was able to easily evade Solomon's punch by diving underneath his arm, and springing towards the Westward Faction leader himself only to get punched away with ease - She looked at the gargantuan man before her; She had a lot of very tall and well-built friends that towered over her like the Empire States Building, but the way he was glaring down at her made her afraid as never before. Oh, how she hated these fucking Worms.

The only thing she was able to witness was Edward Wu throwing away all three of his opponents with such ease that it was almost painful to witness. As Solomon turned his head to look at the three fallen opponents, Kisara quickly dug her hand inside her large pants pockets and found the opioids pills that she gulped down, and an adrenaline shot that she quickly injected in her body, and a lidocaine shot for her stitched up wound. With all the doses being a little over the superior parameter limit, she was sure, soon, she would be able to fight properly; Or at least serve as some sort of decoy. "You troglodytes are nothing like me. You've just witnessed the power of the conquerors, who've spread all across the world." she could see the way Edward smirked like the evil mastermind that he was, but her vision was getting blurry, and her mind was getting a little foggy - To be expected when engaging in a slight overdose of so many substances - They weren't even supposed to get combined, it made so sense whatsoever, but it was all she had, the very single bet she had. "It's high time you accepted death, losers." the woman yelped as she felt a merciless grasp oh her beautiful, long hair, roughing her to the ground to kneel. "Taking hostages, huh? You're an embarrassment, Solomon. You're supposed to be Wu Hei. Act like it." "Sorry." Solomon grumbled, his grip on her hair tightening. "Here, use this, have fun, but take care of the clean-up. I'll get us some 'legs'. Meet me outside when you're done." Solomon easily caught the knife that he was handed. "OI, LET HER GO, YOU FUCKING COWARD! COME FUCKING FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!" but Raian's eyes widened as, with a move as fast as gramps', Kisara slashed away at her hair as if she was some kind of Mulan going to war, and with a twist and two slices. "FUCK YOU! OHMA LOVED MY LONG HAIR, YOU GODDAM FUCKASS! NOW IT'S ALL CHOPPY AND UNEVEN!" came her first concern as she cut Solomon's body in half, before decapitating him and kicking his head towards Edward, like a soccer ball. "I DIDN'T FUCKING TRAIN FOR SEVEN YEARS TO CONTINUE BEING ALL OF YOU, FUCKERS', FUCKING DOORMAT!" Raian's seen Kisara angry enough times - In fact, he was sure he's seen more different emotions on her face than even her husband - But now, she was livid like never before. "I DIDN'T CHANGE EVERYTHING ABOUT MY FUCKING PATHETIC SELF, TO CONTINUE BEING TOUCHED BY THE FILTHY HANDS OF DISGUSTING WEAKLINGS LIKE YOU, EDWARD WU, OR ANY OF YOUR FUCKING WORMS!" her raw yells seemed to stir some kind of inspiration in Raian's heart. "I'LL GET RID OF EVERY FUCKING SINGLE ONE OF YOU! YOU WILL PAY FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU'VE DONE TO US!" "Gah, give me a break. You're angry at the wrong people, missy. If it weren't for Xia Jing sending the Tiger's Vessel that heart, he wouldn't have come back at all. Without us, he'd be as dead as years ago! The way I see it, you ought to sell your very life, body and soul to us, as gratefulness!" "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DIE!" though her whole body was feeling so out of it that she was close to transcending through some kind of parallel universe, and her emotions were scorching with wrath and hysteria, she was able to see a familiar member of the Kure familiar, having come out of nowhere, a knife in his hand, ready to assassinate Edward Wu. Feigning muddle-headedness, Kisara sprung forward, pretending to slash at the enemy to offer Reiichi the opening he needed. Unfortunately for the both of them, the foe had senses them and easily immobilised them both with an iron grip on their weapon wrist. Kure Hollis also appeared out of nowhere, threatening Edward Wu, who had activated his Guihun, and throwing the two away, started throwing a barrage of punches at Hollis, who was easily drawn backwards - He couldn't release an output above 80%, and Reiichi's was even worse, at around 50%. There was no way either of them could accomplish anything at this rate. Everything remained on the trio's shoulders.

Neither of them gave up though, as one by one, Kisara, Reiichi, Hollis, and even Erioh and Wu Xing went ahead to attack the enemy, only to get tossed around like they were nothing. Reiichi seemed to have lost consciousness, whilst Hollis was stumbling, barely able to get up in a sitting position. The Patriarch had used himself as a sacrificial pawn for the Wu Leader to stab a needle in the artery of the foe... But it had failed. Kisara was the only one still continuing to get up, ever time she'd get swatted away like a fly, and thrown away like a broken porcelain doll - She couldn't feel the pain any longer, or rather said, she couldn't feel anything at all. She hadn't known the plan of the four prior to all this mess, nor that they catalogued themselves as 'Assassins', and they bet on provoking and baiting Raian to bad that he, the strongest Combatant of the Kure clan, would go so crazy that his powers would go beyond anything imaginable, including Erioh's in his prime.

Still, she needn't know the plan - She knew very well how Raian was so emotionally problematic that you could play him like a fiddle. She knew just how to get him to react so bad, that not even his own clan could recognise him. She watched as Edward Wu, with a rageful aura, snatched the needle from his neck and threw it to the ground. "Now you've done it. You've pissed me off for the last time. Pathetic! You're all just PATHETIC!" Wu Xing watched with wide eyes as his most potent poison wasn't kicking in. Hollis, unable to keep his eyes open from pain, growled, realising the opponent used Removal on his artery, and Reiichi, unable to get up from the ground, was unable to comprehend how their very old fossil of a grandpa was able to stand toe to toe with such a monster. Raian was still on the ground, and Kisara and Erioh alike could feel the dark aura emanating through him. "A single Removal user was able to defeat four of the same kind. Clearly, you don't need either Removal or Guihun or whatever the hell you call it to defeat a monster. You know what Ohma said once? Humans aren't so weak as to  need saving from heroes, or be incapable of defeating monsters." "Oh, really? Is that so?" Edward's maniac laughter would have made her run for the hills, if she wasn't so doped up on a shit ton of substances. "You think just because you killed Solomon, you can kill me too? How fucking stupid!" Kisara took off her blouse, feeling feint from the heat the turtleneck was causing her. "Oh, yeah? Fucking watch me, you fuckass. Some weak shit like you can't defeat me!" of course, she was bluffing, but it was the only way to get Raian so thoroughly fucked in his overly-emotional brain that he would snap beyond comprehension.

Every time she's rush at him, she'd get so easily countered, that it would have made her feel pathetic, were it not for the whole damn Kure clan being just as easily slapped away without even as much as a bead of sweat on his forehead. He picked her up and threw her to the ground, he roughed her up, he swatted her and even kept such a tight grip on her neck that he threatened to snap it like a dove's, only to break the concrete ground with her. Each time, however, Kisara got up, albeit, wobbly. She feared all the effects would wear off soon at this rate. "You really want to die, don't you, you stupid bitch? You doped up on all sorts of shit just to get to the same level as the weakest of either clan, but you don't compare even to scum. You're not a fighter, and you'll never be. You're being ridiculous - What are you trying to accomplish? You're giving these guys a break? The fossil's spine is broken, and all the others are weaker than children. I'll squish all of you, like the cockroaches you are - Starting with you, then that fucking brat--" "DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE INSULT RAIAN EVER AGAIN!" the boy's eyes widened with shock at the unexpected turn of events. "I'M THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO CALL RAIAN A FUCKING BRAT - BECAUSE HE'S MY FUCKING PSYCHO BRAT! MINE! HE'S MY BEST FRIEND! MY REASON FOR LIVING, MY PROTECTOR, MY FUCKING SAVIOUR -- A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT LIKE YOU DOESN'T GET TO SPEAK OF HIM!" what the hell had he done to garner such superlative compliments? He just made the girl laugh - And he hit on her all the time, while her husband was right next to him, and would hit him as soon as he hung up. He lied to her for almost three years about her husband being dead. "You call me weak and pathetic? Sure, go ahead, because that's what I am! Everyone knows I used to be a shut in who was afraid of people and lived on too much coffee and a meal per day. I used to never leave the house and only study all the time. I used to be the most pathetic thing, struggling to even open water bottles, damn it!" Kisara took a few deep breaths, her hands on her knees, unable to keep herself up straight. "But once I met Ohma, my whole life changed, you know? I found a reason to get out of bed and actually live. I have so many friends -- And they mean so much to me -- And my husband is back too -- I can't die here! Not you some fuckass like you! I can't die when Ohma's come from the dead!" "You're speaking as if you're some kind of irreplaceable beauty, how hilarious! EVERYONE is replaceable!" Edward laughed so loud that her ears were ringing from the echoing - But she yelled even louder. "I'M NOT FUCKING REPLACEABLE! I THOUGHT I WAS - I WAS SURE I WAS -- BUT I'M NOT!" she growled at him with such emotion that it made Raian tremble on the ground. "Who would call Hatsumi, Senpai? Who would be Tsuki-san's best friend? Who would play Mortal Kombat with lil bro Cos? Who would laugh at Akira for accidentally showing his nudes to his childhood best friends? Who would be Gaolang's personal cheerleader? Who would teach Agito about the real life? Who would Raian protect from all those fucking creeps - And of course - Who would be Ohma's little crybaby dumbass bookworm?!" though she tried to hide her face with her forearm, tears were streaming down her face, and the chopped up short hair was barely able to hide anything. "I DIDN'T SPEND DAYS IN A SHADY PUB FILLED WITH CREEPS JUST TO FIND A MAN I'VE NEVER MET IN MY LIFE AND HOPE HE CAN TURN MY LIFE AROUND! I DIDN'T SPEND YEARS OUT OF MY LIFE, COMPLETELY CHANGING EVERYTHING I STOOD FOR, JUST TO FIND MOTIVATION TO GET OUT OF BED EVERY MORNING BECAUSE I HATED MYSELF SO MUCH THAT I WANTED TO END MY EXISTENCE WITH EVERY SECOND PASSING!" "Ohoho, look at her, getting emotional! Let me help, then!" Edward grinned, lunging towards Raian, only for Kisara to defend him with her sword, slashing a small cut on his cheek, just under his eye, before forcing him to turn around so his back would be facing the Kure boy - Whenever he was ready, he'll have to hit - And HARD. "You don't get to touch him." Kisara sneered at him. "He's protected me all this time - And I'll never be able to repay him for everything that he's done for me - But though I've never told anyone - I admit, without him, I might have killed myself." Raian felt his breathing stop altogether, and the single attempt at getting up seemed to have ended in failure from shock. "I hadn't expected Ohma's death to strike me so hard - The suffering, the loneliness - I was so fucking alone, even more alone than before, that I had to ask Agito to force me out of the bed every day, because I wanted to do nothing but fucking weep every day and night." her raw, powerful voice turned into soft, desperate sobs. "Agito didn't understand why I was so upset, he just didn't get it  - And everyone else... Nothing worked... But it was Raian and his stupid ass texts and random video calls, and those fucking selfies, that put a smile on my face for the first time; Without him, I don't think I'd have gotten over the extreme self hatred that I had, all because of this -- And you think you have ANY right to shit on that boy? I'll fucking wring your neck if you dare even LOOK at him again!" "Fuck, you're really hilarious, aren't ya? If I knew I'd have so much fun, I'd have had the others over to have fun too! What a shame!" Edward bent down at the waist, closer to her height, but still towering over her? "You're wrong. The shame here is that, no matter what, I CANNOT get killed!" Kisara grinned widely, mimicking the Kure boy. "For one last time - I Want to play a game, y'know? Just one more time, I promise! So like --..." from the bottom of her lungs, and with all the screaming techniques Hatsumi taught her, Kisara shouted Raian's name so loud, that even the other Kure members thought their eardrums would rupture, only for the softest rumble of a chuckle to follow right after. "Will you teach me how to kill again?" inching her forearm further up, she lifted her uneven fringe to reveal her face, and the wicked expression from her face that seemed to piss the enemy off. "I'll teach you how to kill - By killing YOU!" before Edward could rush forward and destroy her, Kisara lunged forward to punch his liver, only for the enemy to get surprised with another powerful blow from behind; So powerful, in fact, that it even upped his own strength; And it worked in perfect sync with the girl's, as he hadn't been allowed any split second to react, before the two went in for another attack, from the opposite sides; This time, she threw a kick at his legs, whilst Raian punched at his face, and so on.

Reiichi and Hollis both could only stare, awestruck at the display before them - Yes, they knew Raian was a fucking monster of a man, but after they fought four on one and lost so pitifully, to be capable of completely fucking Edward Wu up, with the help of a simple, normal girl, who's dosed up on a shit ton of of different substances, just to keep herself up on her feet; A woman, incapable of using any secret technique, nor was she the creation of some ancient clan renowned for selective breeding of warriors, assassins and what not. She was just some girl who so randomly befriended the psycho brat of the Kure Clan, and somehow, got under his skin so much that she triggered his latent strength with her words and actions alone. "FUCK YOU -- BOTH OF YOU!" Raian roared through the place. "WHEN DID I ASK YOU TO PULL THAT SHIT?!" "You Goddamn cockroaches, why don't you stay down when you're beaten?!" but as Edward shrieked that, the two hit him with a punch in perfect sync, and with Kisara back in possession of her sword, she sliced at the enemy's torso, whilst Raian used his finger to assassinate and slash away at the artery, slicing half of his neck while at it, and to end the overkill, they both cut him clean from the other side also, watching as the pieced up remains of the once leader of the Westward Faction that was now on the ground, in a puddle of his own blood, like a chopped up fish.

Reiichi had been shocked out of his mind, still unable to get off the ground, seeing that Raian wasn't weeping on the ground anymore, beaten up to a pulp, whilst Wu Jing was shocked to see someone so strong, pounding at the enemy and not backing down at all. "You excessive strength breeds overconfidence, that's why you lost - And one more thing, remember when I said, if I were in my prime, you'd be Child's play to me, and this fledging you're fighting will one day surpass me in my prime... If he hadn't already." though exhausted and feeling his life slipping away from him, Erioh laughed from the ground he was laying on. "You never stood a chance."

Raian and Kisara both were panting with difficulty from the effort they put into this ultimate fight. "You took me out, I'll give you credit for that - But this is only the beginning of a massive party." Hollis was able to get up from the ground, and even support Reiichi up. "It's a shame, I wanted to join the party too." With a swift move, Raian punched his skull in, at the same time Kisara stomped the heel of her boot in his face. "Shut the fuck up and die already." though the boy had almost felt his legs give up from exhaustion, he had to catch her from falling. "You're a fucking dumbass." he growled lowly, helping her sit down and helping her rest on his side. "I just hope I won't be getting into hypovolemic shock, okay?" her chuckle was pained, though her mind was still fuzzy and muddled, getting off the medicine high. She hadn't realised she was drenched in blood as though it had rained crimson, or that the boy was holding pressure on her wound. All that over-exertion had taken a toll on her, but without the danger sensors of her body warning her that she was outright killing herself, she had no clue - And given the circumstances, she couldn't care less - Although, her body was getting weaker by the second, and it wasn't fun. "Give yourselves a rest, you idiots!" Hollis snapped, only to earn a curse from both of them, although he could barely hear the girl's voice. Her tired glare was enough of an answer. Wu Xing had taken off his darling locket and licked the picture of his beloved before holding it dearly to his chest, at peace now that he was able to instill his vengeance. Hollis and Reiichi looked at each other, saying they had to call the others so they could say their farewells to the Patriarch.

Karla was the quickest one to kneel besides her grandpa, holding his hand lovingly, whilst Ohma was frozen to the spot, his brain incapable of comprehending the sight before him. Why was Gramps dying? Why were all the Kure in such a horrific state, and why was Kisara looking more dead than alive, and painted scarlet with blood? The youngest Kure reassured the old man that all the Worms hiding in the arena were mostly captured, while the others were being hunted down by Uncle Horio at the moment. Hollis was the one entrusted to handle the rest. "Did you know about this, Fusui?! Why didn't you stop him?!" "OHMA!" Karla exclaimed his name, urging him to shut up already. "Grandfather's decisions are final." "Ohh, you're here, great grandson-in-law." the Patriarch chuckled, only to receive the same reply as before. "I told you I'm already married." Ohma sighed, his fists clenched, pained to be see the old man in such a  state. "Ever the jokester, aren't you?" Erioh chuckled tiredly. "Tread carefully - If my hunch in correct, you're contending with a foe that's far beyond you." he was met with a graveyard silence. "Raian, I suppose you wouldn't listen to me if I told you to stay out of this, but you couldn't have defeated Edward Wu on your own; You needed not only us, but your future wife also, poor darling; So improve yourselves together - Surpass yourselves, and be of help to Ohma." "Fuck you, Gramps. You just had to get one last lecture in, huh?" Raian scoffed, only to have his head pulled to rest on the girl's chest, his hair being patted and played with. "Don't worry, Grandpa. I'll be taking care of this little Psycho Brat." Kisara chuckled tiredly. "Katahara's going to be very upset with you." "I couldn't let him die before me, could I?" he chuckled. "I know you will, Miss Kisara. And you will be a great wife some day. I know I had the right hunch when I saw you that day, ready to take the whole world in your hands." the old man's praise made her smile with gratefulness. "You can't give up yet, Gramps! I'll go call Hanafusa - He can save you!" Ohma desperation was met with an exhausted smile from the Patriarch. "Ohma... It's too late for me." came his last words. "I wish you all the best."

The graveyard silence that took over them was disturbed only by the soft weeping of Karla, who was being embraced by Fusui, though even she could barely bite away her tears. The uncomfortable silence had urged Kisara to use Raian's shoulder as propping to get up to her feet and stumble to her husband and cling on his arm. He looked down at her and noticed her gesturing for him to leave with her, allowing the family to mourn the passing of their beloved Patriarch. He helped sustain her weight and hey went down the hall from where they came from, only to be surprisingly meeting with Rei and Hatsumi, who seemed to have finished a round of intense fighting themselves, and a tall and buff man with shades, wearing a white suit and a fedora, expensive and luxurious, and he was jovially grinning. Kisara shuddered lightly, seeing the similarity between him and Edward Wu, but there was none of the malice.

"Oh, dear. I suppose I won't be getting my bonus for combat, will I?" was he also some kind of combat assassin, she wondered. Ohma shook his head. "Hey now, forget fighting - Angel, what the hell happened?" Hatsumi rushed to her side with a handkerchief, wiping away the caked blood and sweat from her face. "Well... The Worms were tougher than we anticipated." she muttered, her eyes glazed over and a little unfocused. "How's Erioh?" Kisara and Ohma shared a look, before shifting their gaze down. "He sacrificed himself to help us kill the leader of the Westward Faction. There's only one left, and in hiding." Kisara was the one to speak what Ohma couldn't. "Hey, Senpai? Can you take me to Hanafusa? This time, I actually think I'm getting into decompensatory shock... And I don't want to get in the fourth and last stage." her broken smile made the man frown, though he spared no second to pick her up and do as instructed. "Why didn't you let Tokita take you? I thought you'd be glued to him." that ditzy smile of hers made him realise he was right. "Let him mourn. Erioh took care of him for years. He's upset and needs some time for himself." she spoke simply. "And I really think I'm dying." "What did you get yourself into?" Hatsumi sighed, placing her on the bed. "Well... I couldn't let Raian die, could I?"

As Hanafusa took intensive care of the girl, it was up to Ohma and Karla to go to the partying Kengan members and informed them of the World Changing blow that just happened, under their noses. Kisara, however, was content just being half-asleep and speaking all sorts of non-sense to her Senpai whom she missed so much - She even called him a jerk for leaving her so alone for three years, though he knew it was just the unconscious sadness and loneliness speaking, and she wasn't actually upset at him - Especially after following up with whatever stupid gossips that she found out from Raian some time ago. This time, at least, she very gladly accepted the fluidotherapy, but it wasn't enough, and the I.V. bag of isotone crystalloids helped little with her condition. She needed a blood transfusion - Time for all her friends to get a quick blood test, huh?

It was already evening when Ohma came over to her and slumped in the chair next to her bed, holding her hand, watching the blood getting in her bloodstream. "You could have died." "Nahhh, no way." she grinned, happy that her body wasn't bloody, sweaty and dirty anymore. "I just got you back - There's no way I could've let myself die, y'know?" "My feelings for you didn't save me back then." he grumbled grimly, making her sigh dramatically. "Hey now, what's with you? Enough of this." she grabbed him by the shirt, urging him to get in bed with her. "Let's change the subject. For example - Do you still think I'm pretty, even with short hair? I think our hair is about the same length now. I hope it grows fast." "You dumbass, of course I still think you're pretty." he shook his head at her childishness, though it was very appreciated. "Aww, you're such a sweetheart!" she snuggled into his side, though the arm receiving the blood was awkwardly extended to the side. After a few good minutes of silence, Ohma spoke again. "You never did tell me what you put in my bloodstream back then, when you found me." he said, making her raise her head slightly. "I remember having the inside of my elbow bandaged up, and some bag hanging from the ceiling." "Ah, well -- Basically, the same thing that I'm receiving right now, to aid the body after losing blood. I'm thinking that maybe you didn't really need anything I did to you, but I was panicked, okay?" she smiled tenderly at him. "Though, I don't really regret it. You got better really damn fast. I was happy - Whether it was from what I did, or your fantastic body, it didn't matter to me." "I did feel fine." he nodded his head in agreement. "It must be what you did. Or at least, I've convinced myself that's the truth, and I'm fine with that knowledge." "I gave you my blood too, you know." Ohma's eyes bulged from the shock. "I never did tell anyone... But I was afraid. You had lost a lot of blood... Though that might have been from the water on the ground too; And you were very pale and cold. Dad used to have some old emergency tools, for historical purposes, and I tested your blood, just to be sure - And I transferred my blood to you." "You're kidding." Kisara shook her head. "You're insane, woman. You're insane." "Yes, well... I guess that's why you love me, huh?" she chuckled lightly. "Soulbound and Bloodbound, huh?" "Why did you never tell me?" she simply shrugged. "You never asked, did you?" the look he gave her made her chuckle - He was adorable. "I don't deserve you. I never did." he sighed, his embrace tightening slightly. "I'm really sorry for leaving you in the dark. I regret letting you go after Raian, but I also owed him for supporting you while I couldn't. I was always there - I needed to hear your voice, to see you - But it hurt, seeing you so upset all the time. I wanted to go to you, but I was so afraid you'd get targeted by those fuckers" "Oh. Right." Kisara cleared her throat awkwardly. "I, uh... Hoped you wouldn't know. I'm ashamed." she smiled wryly. "But, uh... It's no big secret that I'm so in love with you, and without you I was so damn alone, that it hurt to breathe. It hurt so much that I got in an even worse depression than before you met me, and I wanted to die so bad - At least in the first year and a half or so.  I don't think I was able to thoroughly enjoy my travels. I forced myself to imagine getting in a relationship with any of my friends, especially Agito who was physically there daily -But I couldn't. Every time I tried, I would still see your face every time, so I gave up. Thank goodness you're alive though, I don't know how long I'd have been able to keep on going." "My God, you're pathetic, you little crybaby." he cradled her up in his arms, kissing her face all over. "It was hell without you. It's fine though. I'm back and ready to hold your hand and guide you through everything - Properly, this time. As your husband." "Whoaaa~! So romantic~!" she chuckled, nuzzling into his chest. "When's the wedding?" "You said you liked Spring, didn't you? When the Cherry trees blossom." she felt herself swooning. "Oh my God, I love you so much."

A few days after the Kengan vs Purgatory Tournament, the funeral for Kure Erioh took place in the Village. It was a beautiful funeral, and so many people came to pay their respects. Though Ohma hadn't a suit, he was able to borrow one from Hollis. It must have been really hard on him. Kisara let him and Karla mourn, while she tried to comfort Raian, somewhere far away, alone, in some corner where he was punching away trees and what not. He needed her emotional and moral support, almost just as much as she needed him, prior to all of this damn mess.

Three months passed since the funeral, and Ohma was called over by Koga to train and spar together - Of course, there was no one better to learn from but the ultimate Champion - And someone with a fighting style so similar to his best friend, Ryuki's - So he could understand him better. Ohma praised him for having started his fighting career properly - But Ohma couldn't outright go back to fighting yet - He promised Kisara he'd remain relatively unscathed for a whole two years, until their wedding - She wanted her long hair back after all, and in a little over a year, her long hair was going to shine as gorgeously as ever; His Majesty. Until then, however, he was dragged over to travel to whatever place she wanted to see - Well, he couldn't complain, it was actually fun; Though his favourite part of every trip was trying out the local cuisine. Dork.

Their wedding was everything that Kisara ever dreamt of, and she had the prettiest dress there was; With her hair so long and slightly wavy, and so many flowers put in it, she looked like such a Princess. She had Sayaka as her Maid of Honour, and Kaede, Rin, Elena, Rino, Fusui and Karla were her bridesmaids. There were many options for the Best Man, but they both agreed to have Raian the Psycho Brat as the ultimate man, though of course, all of her other friends were the grooms' men - And Inaba Ryo was the ring bearer, and he was so cute! Hatsumi was the most drunk of them all, and was clinging and laughing at a tipsy Wakatsuki and Rei, though everyone was having fun and drinking, even Cos, who was being urged to drink by Kureishi, his master. Retsudo wanted to help with the photoshoot, but Katahara was the life of the party, and even photo-bomb most of the pictures, much to everyone's amusement. Koga had fun playing the DJ, and had some help from Ryuki, as they were the youngest attendees, but Saw Paing was the loudest and most cheerful supporter of everyone there. Agito was, by far, the most out of place, but he had Misasa and Rolon by his side to ease him up - A drunk Agito was hilariously adorable even! And Kisara was happy that it was thanks to Agito that they could create a sort of bridge between Kengan and the sane Purgatory fighters they once fought. Medel was chatting up wth Gaolang, Kaneda and Himuro, while Seki was having a drinking contest with Jurota, Nitoku and Adam. All of Katahara's bodyguards, including the Heavenly Wolves also, and the Kure clan was invited over to have fun, but, without a doubt, the happiest for the wife and groom was Yamashita Kazuo, followed by his two sons. The old darling was crying and snotty, saying all of his best wishes... But as soon as Mokichi announced the moment everyone was waiting for, Kisara threw her arms around Ohma's neck with a small squeal and pulled him in the most passionate and loving kiss they've ever shared - He hummed in amusement, his arms holding her tightly in a tender embrace, and everyone whistled and cheered for them, throwing flowers and what not.

If only things could remain so beautiful and jovial as the day of her Wedding, for just about each and every one of her friends, but unfortunately, there was only so long she could allow herself to keep ignorant of the Worms still lingering like a plague around Japan, and even the whole world, when they keep pulling terrorist attacks around Rome, or try to infiltrate the underground - But it was time for a well deserved punishment. Xia Ji, especially, was going to feel that on his own skin...

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[mind-spirit-body]

9/22/23

I've almost surpassed my 2nd goal for my weight loss journey. I'm only half a pound shy of 220. I'm so close that I can almost taste it and the motivation for it is so sweet! I keep setting my goals 20 pounds down to help with encouragement. 20 pounds is a lot to lose for each goal but I feel so accomplished when I surpass it.

While hitting the numbers are great, my ultimate motivation is a full body transformation before a cruise in January and my husband's brother's wedding in February. My husband's family has never seen me thin. They've never even seen me at the weight I currently am. I don't see them often, but I want people to gasp when they do. I want them to say things like "I can't believe how much you've changed!"

I don't know why, but that validation for all my hard work just feels so good. This isn't the first time I've been on a weight loss journey. Life gets in the way sometimes. But this time feels different. This time feels like I'm heading in the right direction.

My clothes are getting baggier. They're starting to fall off. My rings are too big for my fingers and even the temporary ring I bought is starting to loosen. I'm not as winded when I go for walks or hike. I'm not out of breath just from walking and talking with friends. My self esteem is going up. It's going to be awesome going through my old bag of clothes to see which clothes I fit in again. There was a dress that I really loved that I was going to take to Goodwill because I felt like I would never fit in it again...but now...maybe I will in the next couple of months.

Only time and discipline will tell.

[dietitiangagan]

How to Build a Sustainable Weight Loss Plan

Weight loss is a goal many strive for, but the key to success lies not in quick fixes or extreme diets, but in creating a sustainable weight loss plan that you can stick with for the long term. As a dietitian in Chandigarh, I emphasize the importance of balanced nutrition, realistic goals, and lifestyle changes that support not just weight loss, but overall health. In this blog, we’ll explore the steps to building a sustainable weight loss plan that works for you.

1. Start with Realistic Goals

One of the first steps in creating a sustainable weight loss plan is setting realistic goals. It’s essential to understand that healthy weight loss takes time. Aiming to lose 1-2 pounds per week is a safe and achievable target. Quick weight loss methods might promise immediate results, but they often lead to regaining the weight once the diet is stopped. A dietitian in Chandigarh can help you assess your body’s needs and set achievable goals that fit your lifestyle and health conditions.

2. Focus on a Balanced Diet

A balanced diet is at the heart of any effective weight loss plan. Rather than following restrictive diets, which can be hard to maintain, aim for a diet that includes a variety of nutrient-rich foods. This should include:

Lean proteins (chicken, fish, legumes, tofu)

Healthy fats (avocados, nuts, olive oil)

Fiber-rich foods (whole grains, vegetables, fruits)

Complex carbohydrates (brown rice, quinoa, oats)

As a dietitian in Chandigarh, I often emphasize the importance of portion control and mindful eating. Even healthy foods can contribute to weight gain if consumed in excess, so being mindful of your portions and hunger cues is crucial.

3. Incorporate Regular Physical Activity

Exercise is an essential part of any weight loss journey. However, it’s important to choose activities that you enjoy and can incorporate into your routine consistently. Whether it’s walking, swimming, cycling, or yoga, staying active helps you burn calories, boosts metabolism, and improves overall health.

As a dietitian in Chandigarh, I recommend pairing strength training with aerobic exercises for optimal results. Strength training helps build muscle, which in turn increases your resting metabolic rate, allowing you to burn more calories even when you’re not working out.

4. Focus on Long-Term Lifestyle Changes

A sustainable weight loss plan isn’t just about dieting; it’s about changing your relationship with food and your lifestyle. Rather than relying on temporary diets, focus on making healthier choices in the long run. This includes:

Reducing processed food intake

Drinking plenty of water

Getting enough sleep (aim for 7-9 hours per night)

Managing stress effectively through relaxation techniques like meditation

These lifestyle changes will support your weight loss goals and help you maintain a healthy weight for the long term. Consulting with a dietitian in Chandigarh can help you understand which changes are most suitable for your individual needs and preferences.

5. Track Your Progress and Stay Consistent

Tracking your progress can help keep you motivated and make adjustments as needed. Keep a food diary or use an app to track your meals, exercise, and other habits. Monitoring your weight, energy levels, and emotional well-being will help you assess if your plan is working or needs tweaking.

Consistency is key. It’s easy to get discouraged if results don’t come immediately, but remember, slow and steady wins the race. As a dietitian in Chandigarh, I always encourage my clients to stay patient and focused on their long-term health goals.

6. Seek Support When Needed

Embarking on a weight loss journey can be challenging, and it’s important to have a support system in place. Whether it’s friends, family, or a healthcare professional like a dietitian in Chandigarh, having someone to guide and motivate you can make a significant difference. A dietitian can provide personalized advice, monitor your progress, and help you make adjustments to your plan as needed.

7. Be Kind to Yourself

Remember, sustainable weight loss is not about perfection, but about progress. It’s normal to have setbacks, and it’s important not to be too hard on yourself. Instead of focusing on occasional slip-ups, focus on your overall journey and the positive changes you’re making for your health.

Conclusion

Building a sustainable weight loss plan takes time, patience, and commitment. By setting realistic goals, focusing on balanced nutrition, staying active, making long-term lifestyle changes, and seeking support when needed, you can create a plan that works for you. As a dietitian in Chandigarh, I always tell my clients that it’s not about the destination but about creating healthy habits that will last a lifetime.

If you’re looking to start your weight loss journey or need guidance on creating a sustainable plan tailored to your needs, feel free to reach out. Let’s work together to build a healthier, happier you!