#And he will roast the FUCK out of you
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danmarch 🐉💎
#honkai star rail#dan heng#march 7th#danmarch#fanart#hsr#what else do i tag. i have no idea#anyway. im breaking my VERY LONG oc art streak to post my one(1) contribution to star rail#i care them very much#ive been playing this game so religiously and they have not left my team#tragic past(emo) vs tragic past(girly pop)#theres NO WAY with marchs very teenage girl mind that she does not have a crush on the hot cool mysterious yet caring dragon guy#who stays in the room right next to her#and the fact that he teases her so much........#the whole ass belabog quest he throws in little harmless march roasts every so often#he fucking CARE her#i bets shes like a filipino mom with that camera. every oppertunity (picture!!!!)#and dan heng gets dragged into it#he is honing his photography skills against his will#any nice place? shes like (lemme pose can you get a photo of me?)#dan heng just sighs#they bond over silently judging stelle rummaging through the garbage#cast each other that best friend glance as half her body is sticking out of a trash bin#i like to think you see them hanging out on the train together#with dan heng reading some obscure 8th century book on civilization pattern and development#and march is humming and putting stickers and aesthetic shit in her scrapbook#taping a piece of antimatter legion loot in the middle of a page#and with bubbly handwriting (we beat some bad guys today!!! <333 so fun!!)
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As a musician I will never not be obsessed with the plot of Turnabout Serenade. Like what do you mean a professional guitarist gets accused of murder by Some Guy and one of his bandmates backs it up because he's upset the dude couldn't play a fucking quarter-note triplet correctly. What do you mean he uses that as evidence he did the murder. WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE WAS RIGHT
#mel's musings#daryan crescend#apollo justice#klavier gavin#ace attorney#turnabout serenade#aa4 spoilers#klavier should have roasted him for that way more i think#i fully believe he KNEW daryan fucked up on guilty love and only made apollo mess with the mixing board#because he wanted to humiliate him by having an amateur point out his mistake#plot twist: it wasn't actually from the revolver kickback daryan just sucks at music. bro can't play basic rhythms smh#music nerd shit#turnabout serenade is a good case you guys are just mean
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love neal and el they're both sexy young brunette things with charm and adventuresomeness to spare and what they've chosen to do with it is be obsessed to death with the world's most regular man
#they said oh my god his exciting home cooked pot roast. his medium hair color. his cheap beer. i cant not fuck him and love him forever#this dude lucked into BOTH plump heart-faced prettygirl who will do all of the flirting for you AND lanky hotman art thief at the same time#god knows he did not do that on purpose . he has a type and it's Visibly Out Of His League but luckily#they also have a type and it's PTA Father In Training Loves Dogs Loves To Cook Like A 1950s Housewife#white collar#q
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I love to hear what people say about Youtube Drama* but it's SO tacky when it gets so offbase that the posts people make start to be about completely off topic infighting within the Watcher fanbase
#but god it IS fun to read about this kind of thing#asterisk on the drama bc this is not like a Scandal per se#this was a business decision made On Purpose#it's not like when sniperwolf stalked a guy and posted a pic of his home to her fans#or when the guy from tryguys fucked one of his employees Who He Himself Hired while also monetizing his wife and kids on the channel#this is different bc it's like. on purpose.#I DIGRESS....#you guys should see some of it in the watcher tag it's crazy. people are pointing at randos just bc they're already annoyed#i'll give you the clifnotes version which is that i got to see one where somebody has decided that the Steven Hate is actually ppl#revealing that they simply have just been racist at him the whole time. fwiw the steven roasting is bc he's an out of touch Tesla Boy#and bc he brought a homophobic evangelical pastor on the channel#and cockily admitted to being friends w people who are homophobic and racist... his own words#like he has verbally admitted to maintaining friendships with racists so i don't think people are really thinking this one through#these were new to me I was down to roast him for being rich and boring alone#also this reasoning kind of falls apart bc Ryan is literally Right There and people love Ryan#sergle.txt
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Nah cAUSE I know, FELIX DIDNOTJUST— there AINT NO WAY.
The Fix-it Felix Jr fromthegame Fix-it Felix Jr. DID NOT call RalpH,
FUCKING B I G N O S E✋️💀
Nah cause Ralph, "B I G eArS" he didn't have to cALL HIM OUT LIKE THAT– cause nAH. Unprovoked,, Ralph out here– OHMYGOD.
RALPH wREcKING CONFIDENCE 🗣
the fucking grin,, the SHIT EATING GRIN! my smug ass, chUCKLING. Man I'm, sO PROUD OF MYSELF
Nah I'm not gonna lie, Felix caught that mug smOoThLy. But then— nah caUSE fIRST OF ALL, a- ✨️AUuGhh~✨️ nnO caUSE,,,,thE soUND. whYTHEFUCK,, MaN, his ass went "AaUuGhh~ BeLiEvE tHiS iS yOuRs."
Man, he's got the vibe, he's the dad that asks, "aRe Y'aLL rEaDy tO RoCk n' RoLL!?"👉👉 after paying the bill at a restaurant.
He would do the finger guns, and the "eheh I mAdE a fuNnY" tone. Man, the genuine grin, like he didn't just make 15 kids cringe. Oh god, the way he was cheering at the race. Homie out here, yel— nah he's not "yelling." He's WHOOPING and HOLLERING, Y'all see it too, right?? Oh man, I'm starting to think this is canon.
Did you guys hear him do the NESQUIKSAND NOISE, that shit caught me off guard! The EXACT same, "oUuGh-oH—"
I fully thought he wasn't going to catch the mug, man. He just got lucky catching the first one💀
#wreck it ralph#fix it felix#wir#fix it felix jr#this was a blessing#AINTTHATJUSTAHBLESSING💀#this fucking guy#I just realised that “rALPH WRECKING CONFIDENCE” ISNT A PROPER SENTENCE#man I was so proud TO BE INCOHERENT PFFFT#you know what. I STILL AM#I took sO LONG to write this. then I read it over im like “well I suppose thatll happen when you havent slept in 48 hours”#actually nah this is cause of excitement AND no sleep pfft#I didnt hear ralph say “big ears” at first amd HOLY SHIT. I was WHEEZING for 20 MINUTES#“nAh cause Felix thought he ATE. but he just sERVED HIMSELF. ROASTED.” a text message I sent#but also I love how chill they are with each other#no cause if I was felix.. “cheers TINYHEAD” 💀#“PINEAPPLE LOOKING ASS–” man💀💀#yEr hAnDs bIG#but nah. he ends up CALLING HIMSELF OUT
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Thinking about how the different races think about teeth.
Hylians, sheikah and gerudo are probably just like humans, baby set and then adult set, mby with little fangs bc I just love that aspect of fantasy.
Zora regrow their teeth like sharks, just have them constantly cooking behind the scenes ready to drop in when one breaks off. I want to say they have more than one row in their mouths, and I will bc its freaky and cool.
Gorons have really dense teeth (not bone), bc they need to crunch through stone and jaw strength only takes you so far. But honestly I reckon their teeth are constantly growing, faster as children and slower as they age. The regular wear and tear keeps them generally small but sometimes you need to break off chunks to keep it manageable. (Kinda like nails? If you let them keep growing then they tend to curl and dig into your skin and cause all sorts of problems)
Rito... don't have teeth. Obviously. They maintain their beaks with various surfaces, cuttlefish if you're fancy, but like if it breaks that's pretty much it, either leave it or get a prosthetic. But teeth? That freaks them out. Wdym ur bones are exposed and sometimes fall out how are you okay with this?!?
#...all of this too say it would be REALLY funny if on like a champion mission or smth link gets hit a bit too hard and looses a tooth#and urbosa is like “yikes. thats unfortunate. but hey youre young lets hope it was a baby”#(it wasnt)#miphas got her hands in his mouth “hmm i cant see the next tooth yet but im sure itll be here soon :))#how long does it usually take for you?“#daruks there “dont worry brother tiny teeth are all the rage with young gorons these days. youll still be able to enjoy a rock roast!”#and revali is torn between making fun of link for losing his bones and being horrified that sometimes they just FALL OUT of hylians#like what the fuck could that happen to him? is his beak just going to fall off one day? surely not#zeldas already taken the tooth to study it bc how the fuck does he eat rocks without breaking them is it magic??#anyway thats my silly little thought#rito#goron#hylian#sheikah#gerudo#zora#botw#loz#moss' madness
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formerly an essay in tags but - billie lurk. half-nameless, misremembered woman. her powers derived from the things taken from her, without any catharsis or empowerment. the rat charm, tied with deidre's hair, her lover's voice in the mouth of rats. her arm and eye, taken, given back only to cause her chronic pain, then lost again. foresight seems a cruel gift for a woman who botched the timing of her takeover of the whalers, and bet wrong when it came to delilah.
she never bore the outsider's blessing; his first visit to her was more like an assault. every other dishonored POV character gets the choice to be selfish, and for that selfishness to mean something, but billie's actions have no effect on the world at large, either, in a game without a chaos system.
some say that corvo is the ghost, but he can reach out and change things. billie's buried herself twice and come back and nothing she does seems to matter - she is less a protagonist, more a convenient full stop in the narrative.
try this: open doto, start a new game. sit in her cabin. notice how little of billie there is. even the woman she loved more than anyone has the face of another named character.
she sits amongst the assets of other games: empty canvases and a dressmaker's mannequin that wears nothing.
#billie lurk#even the wiki is wrong about her its infuriating#pulled this out of tags because fuck it#in daud's DLCs even the stories that weren't about him were about him#but billie's stories are the scrapheap. they're the stuff they couldn't squeeze in elsewhere. cheap jokes and macguffins#i'm not even roasting the devs for this i think releasing dishonored in 2016 then DotO in 2017 was a feat (derogatory)#games should be made slowly and with love#and i know that everyones talked about this endlessly#but billie is my fav and it sucks that she got a game that only causes me to grieve for her as a character#not FOR her as a person#only the potential story that never was. that she never got.#you can have your strong black woman and not turn her into a trope. give her depth and range and heartache and agency. yes there was traged#but how did it SHAPE her?#dont get me started on her being designated caretaker of a former god and dying assassin. what the fuck#some of this i'd be more okay with if she was younger - i mean. the blank canvases? really?#this game could have been about wyman and there's not that much that would have changed in terms of the core story#“found out the asshole that killed your mother is still around. gonna go deal with that.”#emily who is stoned: “cool.bring me snacks on the way back”#wyman: “oh he's saying actually it was gods fault and that its possible to kill him. well i have literally nothing in my schedule”#billie's not surprised by anything anymore but maybe wyman would freak out over most of it. could have been a lot of fun#also you cant fuck up wymans characterisation. they barely exist.#local empress sends her enby girlboyfriend to kill god#pres writes increasingly deranged essays in the tags#death of the outsider spoilers#i have to complain about doto once every year or so or i die#but i'm not really gonna let arkane hide behind dev excuses when it comes to racism like. its not enough
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So schön und heiter wie du kann man nur sein, wenn man nicht ›Immensee‹ liest und niemals versucht, selbst dergleichen zu machen; das ist das Traurige!…
this book is fucking hilarious
#my soul is the soul of a poet you don’t UNDERSTAND#she probably hasn’t even read immensee 😤#otherwise she’d be thinking deep thoughts like me instead of enjoying her life#you (an idiot): frivolous. likes to dance. can be seen smiling. doesn’t read theodor storm#me (an intellectual): dark and tormented. gazes angstily out of windows that have their blinds drawn#gets sad wet creature eyes when my crush doesn’t pay attention to me. does read theodor storm#we are not the same#the way thomas mann roasts the absolute fuck out of him when he does the window thing too#silly goose‚ you can’t even see out that window!#this dumbass hasn’t even noticed how fucking stupid he looks lol. idiot#if i were an author i too would take every opportunity to clown on my own characters#//#tonio kröger#thomas mann
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Inept 8 year old boy dragon tries to save floating island is such a concept
#momo just tell him!!! you've done this before!!! yeahhh#'this roof ain't big enough for the both of us'#luffy just telling momo to throw him something too akdhakaj this is back to how he was with koby but it worked so...#just grow some balls man!!! if he can spit something so can you!! BITE HIM!!! AHEKAHQK HE DID IT!!!! YEAHHH!!!!#he drew blood omg.... hell yes..... just be careful he doesn't bite back#luffy's exposure therapy is so effective. worlds greatest psychologist i have been saying this.#also nekomamushi and inuarashi better not die. i am also saying this.#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1050#me as baby chopper crying. actually and for real.#i don't have any points to prove for this but sanji and zoro look married in wano. idk man. i can just feel it.#i remember several episodes ago i was complaining about the missmatch of the colors on luffy.... i forgor why the band is purple.... qjwjaj#the music.... slay#i might be getting the luffy worms again i feel so insane..... what do you mean the sky parted.... omg neko and inu.... KICK THEIR ASSES!!!!#luffy fighting kaido and he still has time to boss momo and yamato around ajdbaks and roast him too lmao#momo thinking about kinemon and kiku....#PEROSPERO AND JACK FINALLY!!!!!!!!! carrot omg..... pedro avenged ✔️ now fucking orichi.... how many heads does he have left.....#why is luffy turning supersayian aldjaksn#episode 1051#just saw trafalgay written on a comment and idk if its on purpose or a misspelling but thags so funny akshaksjaka#yamato and momo father-son bonding time <3 teaching him how to be a dragon... so sweet#also the race of people that could set themselves on fire on mariejoa??? kinda random dropping it in there but alas... ✍️✍️#zoro didn't want franky to help but there he goes.... out of onigashima... a good franky fart would have prevented that...#petition to rename coup de burst to franky fart. like why is it even in french. he is A YANKEE.#episode 1052#boy dragon sounds like boy genius. who wants to join my band
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cinematic parallels <3
#a3#twisted wonderland#maybe there's another itaru scene that matches better idk i haven't read every event#but i had the funniest possible experience of reading the moon and the rabbit event where they reference the night walk#and they all bring up how pissed they were at itaru for making them lose and i was like 'damn what did he even do??'#and then LATER actually reading into the night and finding out that he fucking WANDERED OFF TRYING TO GET A PHONE SIGNAL#JUST SO HE COULD CHECK HIS RANK IN HIS MOBILE GAME. WHEN THEY WERE ALMOST AT THE FINISH LINE.#itaru you 100% deserved to be getting roasted for that. i love you so much.#they are both sooo stupid i love them
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Rip to the Emperor, just got rejected 3 times in a row in increasingly more painful ways
#bg3#baldur’s gate 3#jsdhfks#empy fans turn away this is a roast post dfgjkhg#(side note i'll be using he/him for emperor just because i cant tell what the game has in mind with mind flayer pronouns tbh)#Alfhart was first and like. I dont know what Empy was expecting from the guy that hates him just as much if not more than Lae'zel does#but what he got was a very solid fuck off followed by sarcasm at his mask falling off and laughter at his threat#(Latter doesnt happen in game but it does in my heart)#Then it was Olur who was trying to keep the conversation more neutral. Until the squid flirted and he was so taken aback dnbfg#he called him a freak and that he should have thrown the prism in the shadow curse#Then poor Ayre jksf just genuinely so uncomfortable the whole way through. for a mind reader Emperor does NOT get the hint#'i dont really know how i feel about this forced alliance' ' you tried to control me :(' THEN HE FLIRTS AND AYRE IS STRAIGHT UP TERRIFIED#rip emperor you sure tried#cant wait to get to omelluum again#it's going to be SOOOOO funny when alfhart gets him out and is like : of course i saved you- i rather like you :)#POINTEDLY TO PISS THE EMPEROR OFF#only one illithid he respects and it's not you <3 fucking loser
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1, 7, 37!!
1) hearing Bring Me to Life by Evanescence for the first time (it opened my third eye and I've been a silly little emo kid ever since), unfortunately my narcissistic mum (trauummmaaa ✨), and my wonderful fiance 💕
7) so many things scare me, I am a massive weenie. but honestly I'm most scared of my fiance dying lol. I love him so much I can't imagine my life without him
37) I don't really have any secrets of my own (I'm an open book lol) but I'll spill someone else's tea; a friend of mine accidentally got his cheating ex pregnant AFTER they split up. he is DYING because he doesn't wanna be a dad (again mind you. he already has an accidental son from a previous relationship) but she's keeping it. she is CRAZY (for multiple reasons) and we all hate her so pour one out for my boi
#m: ask.#he really is living inside a soap opera rn#mans pullout game is weak af and YES i have roasted him about it#you fucked yourself into this situation but i dont think you can fuck yourself out my guy#idiot had to go to the baby shower last weekend. took his mate with him for moral support hshdhdjfjfk#he's a lovely dad to his son tho. his son is so freaking cute
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Finn. Finn. Fuck you Finn. Idgaf what she said to you that was uncalled for and out of fucking line. Yeah she's mean yeah she's a bitch but wow you can't fucking do that.
#for context santanas been kinda harassing finn for a bit cause theyre on rival glee clubs now and she went to try and apologise#and failed miserably and ended up just being really mean and roasting him to hell again#and she goes to walk away. gets like 3 metres down the hall. and he goes hey santana why dont you just come out of the closet#finn. what the fuck. im going to kill you.#not even just cause im a santana stan. that's fucking despicable dont do that idk if he actually knows or not#but she is so fucking insecure about that and its an entirely off limits thing to say LOUDLY IN THE MIDDLE#OF A CROWDED#HALLWAY#WHAT THE SHITTTTT#thats what you missed on zeeth
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me: makes a silly little teen wolf post on my silly little tiny blog
rabid sc*tt stans i literally have never crossed paths with ever in my entire life: derek hale is the devil incarnate, actually, and here’s why
#might delete this later im just so ??? and needed to vent#like. i understand it’s the public internet but why are you adding comments to a post and arguing with a fucking stranger?#u don’t know me i don’t know u it’s fucking rude???#JUST. KEEP. SCROLLING.#i'm just sitting here trying to figure out what i did wrong. is it bc i tagged him? is it bc i didn't censor his name IN the post?#do these people just live in the sc*tt tag and argue with everyone who dares to breathe there?#i should’ve known better but it’s 2023 i thought we were fucking over this#and like. i'm also not AGAINST HIM? as a general rule i just think all the characters are a little silly and. that's all i was saying?#the only teen wolf adjacent person you're gonna see me actively disparaging is jeff fucking davis like. COME. ON.#it’s not that big of a deal ig bc block button <3 but i keep getting jumpscared seeing derek slander on my own post :(#btw this is NOT about bestiemutuals lovingly roasting derek in the tags bc lets be real he deserves that <3#leo.txt#anti scott mccall#(<- again not ACTUALLY but like. just to ward off Those People i guess)
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In a battle of roasting, who would win between Vanitas, Yusuke, Hitsugaya, or Law?
URAMESHI WITHOUT QUESTION
#food chain is yusuke>law>hitsugaya>vanitas#vani is so bad#fan content is lying to you#he cant roast his way out of a paper bag#ventus talks back to him. pathetic#anonymous#hitsugaya is middle of the road but he is not hard to fluster#he is lacking the not giving a fuck about being roasted back aspect that yusuke and law have#do not confuse getting them aggravated with them actually being affected by roasting (aka embarassed)
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i s2g no one gets my feelings on raymond like INSYM does
WHO ELSE is going back into this game saying shit like "i kinda just want to see raymond. should we get the fuck you raymond ending? lets kill him I want to kill him. lets end on a banger and kill raymond for the last ending."
#LIKE#I do blame insym for my current brainrot#I would have NEVER fallen into this shit if insym wasn't talking his shit constantly#like at first i was critically engaging withhis argument like! yea he's a liar but he didn't bring the demons in! he's a victim!#but when i realize he (insym) was RIGHT that's when i had my very own 'oh no' moment#like oh shit he's right raymond is absolutely pathetic and shitty and a coward oh. my god.#like i was normal abt him when I accepted the brian clarke school of thought WHICH IS INTENDED TO BE FANSERVICEY#but as soon as some sassy little streamer starts accurately roasting him and pointing out all his flaws like#ok i finally connect the dots ok he's a douche because he's scared and hes scared because he cares and he cares because he's a punching bag#and he's a punching bag because he specifically structured his life to be this way and he did THAT because he felt he had no other choice#and honestly he was kinda right!#at the heart of it all is someone so shaped by circumstance that we don't even know where the Situation ends and the person begins#and where insym says 'and FUCK this guy and his situation' im like..#'fuck... this guy. and his situation. :3c'#you like my tag essay?? huh?????
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