#he called him a freak and that he should have thrown the prism in the shadow curse

[rivilu]

Rip to the Emperor, just got rejected 3 times in a row in increasingly more painful ways

[smugfacebitchell]

For @ballum-fic-wishes​ advent calendar 2019 - Day 20

This is yet another collab with the fantastic @dingletragedy​ <3 —

Winter is the rattling of the kettle, sugary tea and rich hot chocolates, marshmallow galore, sticky fingers held tight. Its heat, the heat of Callum’s mouth when they share kisses on their lunch break, waiting for their coffee orders, their own little bubble created whenever they’re near. It’s the park at night, all cool, damp leaves and made up constellations, lying on their backs to watch shooting stars flash, fingers dancing in the grass. It’s tacky red tinsel, decorations held close to the heart and days spent assembling that damn Christmas tree.

— The light is soft over Callum’s cheeks.l, they’re are still red with sleep, pillow creases adoring his face. But still, he looks like every dream Ben has ever had. That’s the first thing Ben comes to realise when he nudges the bedroom door open, so gentle that it stays blessedly silent from it’s usual creaking, so tentatively that Callum’s eyes don’t flicker open. The clock has just freaked over to eight am, sun rising up between the trees and pouring dappled, milky reflections through the window, splayed along the expanse of Callum’s back.

Ben clears his throat softly and meanders further into the room, their room. “Hey,” he whispers. The door closes behind him without a click. Callum shifts, eyes flicking open, almost translucent where the light hits, like pale, stained glass. There’s something so delicate about the way he blinks, lashes tangled together with sleep, his brows mused, hair sticking in every which way direction.

"Creep," Callum mumbles when he catches Ben watching him, turning over so he's more fully on his side, rubbing his cheek against his pillow. Ben doesn't reply, just keeps staring at him, until Callum props himself up on one elbow and offers him a small smile.

"Mornin’," Callum replies, his hoarse morning voice cracking over the word, and God, Ben really wishes they could spend the whole day in bed.

Callum’s eyelashes look the softest shade of brown, sweeping steady and slow as he blinks, lips cherry glaze. Here, Ben sees him in curves and gentle fingertips, a vulnerable haze to his tired eyes, so young-looking and innocent with his hair flat and soft smile on his face that pull at Ben’s heart in all the ways he wants it to be pulled.

“I missed you,” Ben says as he settles himself on the bed beside Callum, reaching a hand out to trace his fingers over Callum’s shoulder, and the flurry of fading freckles there. Light, prism, dispersion. His skin is warm.

Callum leans into his touch on instinct, and Ben can’t help the tiny sigh the escapes his lips; it’s everything. The comfort of touch, the whisper of his breath, the depths of his eyes as Callum glances up at him from under his wet lashes. Sunlight dances on one side of his face, pale strips of it that bring a white glow to his temple and the tip of his cheekbone. “You only look Lex to school, you big softie,” Callum mocks. “But, yeah— I missed you too, I suppose.”

“You know, you should try being a bit nicer to me?”

“Oh yeah?” Callum questions, “and whys that?”

“Just—Christmas ain’t it?” Ben answers, but it comes out as more of a whispered-choke. “It’s nice to be nice. I like Christmas, when I’ve got people to share all the magic with. People I love. Nice, ain’t it?”  

“Yeah. Yeah it is.”

“Speaking of,” Ben announces. “We’re gonna have to have a change of plan today, no lazy day for us I’m afraid.”

“Uh—what? Why?” Callum questions, not at all happy at the news.

“Lexi has threatened that if that Christmas tree ain’t up by the time she gets home from school then she’ll be calling social services. And we both know she ain’t the kind of girl to go back on her word.”

“Hm,” Callum says, head lolling onto his shoulder, eyebrow cocked up. “Remind you of someone?”

“Nope, no one at all,” Ben says, smirk pulling at his lips. The sky has almost cleared now, the gap in the curtain showing a bright white filling the sky, a tell-tale sign that snow is brewing. There’s still a fragile strip of burnt amber on the horizon, the last of the sunrise hanging around, too tired to let go completely. The glistening golds and fading pinks paint their room in shadows, yet despite all that, Callum is still the most beautiful view of all.

And then there’s few minutes of silence, of appreciation*, the kind that only comes with early mornings, before Ben decides now is probably the best time to do what he wants to do.

At Ben’s sudden movement, Callum shifts on his side, and focuses on Ben as he picks up a neatly wrapped box from under the bed. Callum frowns as he picks it up and turns it over, a simple Merry Early Christmas written on the tag, and a couple of kisses thrown in for good measure.

“This from you?” he questions, peering up at Ben through his lashes. Ben merely nods in reply, a sight blushing rising up his cheeks, suddenly feeling nervous, so unlike him. But this matters, it always does when it comes to Callum. “You didn’t have to get me anything—you shouldn’t have, Ben.” Ben shrugs, trying to keep that cool he’s so used to showing. “I wanted to,” he states simply, because really, that’s all there is to it.

When it comes to Callum, he wants. Always has. Always will. Callum doesn’t answer him, instead, he merely reaches down to unwrap the box, large hands enveloping it in one. He gets into the box then, pulls out the gift delicately, eyes shining in wonder, clearly surprised.

It’s a bauble; pristine cut with care and decision. But that’s not all it is, on one side are Callum’s initials, just a simple *C.H, yet engraved just as they are on Ben’s heart. And on the other is the year, *2019. The year that changed everything. “Ben—“ he starts, carefully opening the clear box the bauble arrived in, but is quickly interrupted. “It’s the same as all the others. Mine, Lexi’s, Lola’s, Jay’s, Bobby’s—everyone’s.” Ben ensures him. “We’ve all got one and I wanted you to have one too. Because—well, you’re part of this family too, you know? Whether you like it or not.”

“I do like it,” Callum answer immediately, mouth lifting, a tiny quirk as he pulls at the tape holding the box together. He looks up at Ben then, lashes dark and his eyes shining like galaxies. And that makes Ben’s heart jump, as he realises that no explanation of Callum’s eyes could ever be enough.

“Being part of this brilliant little family—and the bauble. I love it, Ben. Thank you so much,” he finishes, smile brighter than the winter sun. “You really shouldn’t have, Ben, but thank you. This is brilliant. You’re brilliant.” Bashfully, and with a hint of smugness, Ben looks down to his hands, cheeks most likely colouring a shade of red he’d be ashamed of, as he mumbles through a smile, “I know. You’re welcome.”

And yeah, he feels a little like he’s got fireworks trapped inside his chest, exploding into little shocks of happiness whenever Callum so much a slooks his way. It’s ridiculous, really.

Their lips brush then, but they’re still just breathing, just feeling the warm air settling around them, feeling the warmth of their limbs tangled together. There’s whispers shared between them, those kind that are only verbalised before the sun rises. Whispers of I can’t wait to spend every Christmas with you*, and We’re a proper family now*, and finally, when their mouths do meet, when Callum dips towards him and tucks Ben’s bottom lip between his own carefully, all is blessedly quiet.

And as the first sprinkle of snow drops from the sky outside, Ben decides that Callum’s kisses are like snowflakes; each one varying and unique, soft and delicate, melting away in an instant, yet seeping into his bones for an eternity.

[you-are-my-neverland]

Book Recommendations (1)

Lost in the Sun by Lisa Graff

Summary:  “ Everyone says that middle school is awful, but Trent knows nothing could be worse than the year he had in fifth grade, when a freak accident on Cedar Lake left one kid dead, and Trent with a brain full of terrible thoughts he can't get rid of. Trent wants middle school to be a fresh start, if only he could make that happen. It isn’t until Trent gets caught up in the whirlwind that is Fallon Little—the girl with the mysterious scar across her face—that things begin to change. Because fresh starts aren’t always easy. Even in baseball, when a fly ball gets lost in the sun, you have to remember to shift your position to find it.”

Personal thoughts: It’s definitely a book geared to more younger audiences, but I think it’s a good read for all ages. I actually haven’t read it in a while, but Trent is a character I think lots of people can relate to. He struggles with anger and rage; emotions he has no idea what to do with. Fallon is a quirky character that you can never quite get a hold of, and she makes for a spectacular story. 

Starfish by Akemi Dawn Bowman

Summary:  “ A half-Japanese teen grapples with social anxiety and her narcissist mother in the wake of a crushing rejection from art school in this debut novel. Kiko has always struggled with saying what she’s thinking, and an overbearing mother makes things even harder. Her one hope and dream is Prism, a fancy art school. But then Kiko doesn’t get into Prism, at the same time her abusive uncle moves back in with her family. So when she receives an invitation from her childhood friend to leave her small town and tour art schools on the west coast, Kiko jumps at the opportunity in spite of the anxieties and fears that attempt to hold her back. And now that she is finally free to be her own person outside the constricting walls of her home life, Kiko learns life-changing truths about herself, her past, and how to be brave.”

Personal thoughts: ‘Starfish’ is a book that touches on a lot of sensitive issues, such as emotional and verbal abuse, presumed sexual assault (my memory isn’t that clear on what exactly happened so djkadhf), and Kiko herself is a very complex character. She’s a survivor who has to face every survivor’s worst fear; the abuser returning. Art is her only escape, but when that too fails, she feels like she’s spiraling. On many levels, she’s a character so many people can connect to, and the story really shows the reality of life. 

Turtles All the Way Down by John Greene

Summary:  “ Sixteen-year-old Aza never intended to pursue the mystery of fugitive billionaire Russell Pickett, but there’s a hundred-thousand-dollar reward at stake and her Best and Most Fearless Friend, Daisy, is eager to investigate. So together, they navigate the short distance and broad divides that separate them from Russell Pickett’s son, Davis. Aza is trying. She is trying to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good student, and maybe even a good detective, while also living within the ever-tightening spiral of her own thoughts.”

Personal thoughts: You’ve probably either read or heard of this book, but if you haven’t yet, this is a definite book you should read. Aza is really an intriguing character, and one of the things I like about her is that she doesn’t really get a happy ending. The book is her trying (and sometimes succeeding, sometimes failing) to find a way to cope with her disorder. It’s a really deep book (lots and lots of good quality quotes). It’s not supposed to be a positive or negative book; it shows the real struggles of dealing with mental illnesses and trying to balance your normal life along with it.

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Summary:  “Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price–and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can’t pull it off alone…A convict with a thirst for revenge. A sharpshooter who can’t walk away from a wager. A runaway with a privileged past. A spy known as the Wraith. A Heartrender using her magic to survive the slums. A thief with a gift for unlikely escapes. Six dangerous outcasts. One impossible heist. Kaz’s crew is the only thing that might stand between the world and destruction—if they don’t kill each other first.”

Personal thoughts: This book is genius. It’s part of a duo-logy, and is set in the same universe as the author’s Grisha trilogy. In my opinion, you don’t have to read the Grisha trilogy (I didn’t), though it would probably be helpful. You’re able to figure things out pretty quickly though. I’m serious about this book being spectacular though; it’s one of those books where the main character is so clever that you wonder how the author possibly wrote them. Kaz is a trickster and a conman, and makes the book filled with twists and turns that leave you shocked. The other five main characters will grab your heart just as much though; wily and clever and heart wrenching with every page and every new thing you learn. It leaves you holding your breath-but don’t hold it for too long, because there is a sequel, Crooked Kingdom (I...sobbed).

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black

Summary:   “Jude was seven when her parents were murdered and she and her two sisters were stolen away to live in the treacherous High Court of Faerie. Ten years later, Jude wants nothing more than to belong there, despite her mortality. But many of the fey despise humans. Especially Prince Cardan, the youngest and wickedest son of the High King. To win a place at the Court, she must defy him–and face the consequences. As Jude becomes more deeply embroiled in palace intrigues and deceptions, she discovers her own capacity for trickery and bloodshed. But as betrayal threatens to drown the Courts of Faerie in violence, Jude will need to risk her life in a dangerous alliance to save her sisters, and Faerie itself.”

Personal thoughts: For once, we meet a main character as twisted and cutthroat as the ‘villain’-who also happens to be the love interest, if you can call them that. Jude is vicious and bitter after surviving for years as a human in Faerie. The Fey are cruel, tricky, deceptive, especially towards her. This whole book was just awesome, really, but in a dark way. Jude goes past just trying to save herself; and in turn endangers so many people.

The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvator

Summary:   “An unlikely group stumbles across ancient magic in Virginia: Blue, the daughter of the town psychic in Henrietta, Virginia, who has been told for as long as she can remember that if she ever kisses her true love, he will die. Gansey, who seeks the Welsh magic he believes saved his life. Adam, who searches for a way out of the circumstances he was born into. Ronan, who seeks to recover the magic of his childhood.”

Personal thoughts: Another series I give my heart too. The first book in The Raven Cycle series, this book is rich with mythology set in a realistic world. Rich boys with backstories, headstrong girl with physic abilities, ley lines-what could go wrong? It’s a story about youth, mystery, romance, friendship, fantasy-a little bit of everything thrown in between. Each character is unique, from your perfect rich boy Gansey to scholarly Adam, cold Ronan and spunky Blue. Even if the book doesn’t sound exciting, I can guarantee that you’ll probably be completely absorbed in one way or another. 

Conviction by Kelly Loy Gilbert

Summary:   “Ten years ago, God gave Braden a sign, a promise that his family wouldn’t fall apart the way he feared. But Braden got it wrong: his older brother, Trey, has been estranged from the family for almost as long, and his father, the only parent Braden has ever known, has been accused of murder. The arrest of Braden’s father, a well-known Christian radio host, has sparked national media attention. His fate lies in his son’s hands; Braden is the key witness in the upcoming trial. Braden has always measured himself through baseball. Now the rules of the sport that has always been Braden’s saving grace are blurred in ways he never realized, and the prospect of playing against Alex Reyes, the nephew of the police officer his father is accused of killing, is haunting his every pitch. Braden faces an impossible choice, one that will define him for the rest of his life, in this brutally honest debut novel about family, faith, and the ultimate test of conviction.”

Personal thoughts: Honestly, this is a book I can reread over and over again. Maybe because it’s a book that focuses on Braden’s faith and his struggle as one of the main topics, but it really pulled me in. I practically devoured this whole book in one day. Braden really struggles internally on what is the right thing to do, as well as externally when his brother, Trey, returns to be his guardian. It focuses a lot on their brotherly relationship-in which of them have two very different perspectives of what their lives have been like-some romance, but mostly it’s a book about Braden himself. When the line between right and wrong is blurred, what path do you choose?