#And examine his mindset as something that hurts others but also himself

[bonefall]

I'm thinking of writing a Grey Wing redemption/pissed off fic where Grey is the one who kills Clear Sky/Skystar (a la Scourge) after he threatens Thunder/Thunderstar and another of Grey's adopted kits.

But idk how Grey gets that pissed. Thoughts?

Idk anon I'm gonna be honest, that feels really unlike Gray Wing. I'd say to use Thunder for a plot like that, tbh, the character that canonically makes several loud and angry rejections of Clear Sky's violence.

I don't like Gray Wing but he's very well characterized, y'know? Even at his absolutely most pissed moment in-canon he can only taunt Clear Sky into killing him with his Star Line. He's verbal, not physical.

He's able to land a little hit on people here and there, but he usually requires an entire group to do damage (Tom the Wifebeater and One Eye). Overall he's really bad at fighting. Good hunter, bad fighter. Even before his asthma he was kinda pathetic; killed Fox with a lucky hit, tried to attack Clear Sky over Jagged Peak and got curbstomped

And like, on that "verbal" thing, he's incredibly nasty and catty when he's upset. Barking at Turtle Tail for having the wrong friend, smugly watching Bumble get dragged off, shouting at Thunder several times over various things, the... whatever the hell the Erins thought they were doing with Jagged Peak (i still maintain that gray was actually totally right to scream at him that One Time, fuck u jagged peak).

I feel pretty strongly that his anger is primarily vocal. He's more likely to start yelling than hitting. If it does come down to an actual death match, he's more likely to get turned into tomato paste lmaoooo

So if he ever DID kill Clear Sky, I'd suggest it be an accident or as a result of one of his plans. In addition to his lack of physical capacity, honestly? I think Gray Wing would buckle if he had to make that choice.

He'd have his claw on his throat and be unable to pull down. Might be able to start screaming, "YOU TOOK MY BROTHER FROM ME!" or make a really harsh speech, maybe even cast Vicious Mockery. But I don't think he could ever ACTUALLY do a Yellowfang, let alone a Scourge. Not even if he saw Clear personally kill someone he loves.

If he ever actually did get Clear Sky killed, he'd also, honestly, probably change immensely for the negative. OR AT LEAST needing a long time to recover and accept he had no choice. I can't imagine him being able to live with the "guilt" very well, it would weigh on him. The "gentleness" would melt away as he becomes overall quite miserable and snappish, like he usually is when he's not happy.

(Could be very interesting to give someone else the kill after Gray can't bring himself to do it. Like Thunder jumped in to save his life, but it causes their relationship to fall apart completely.)

Overall I'd treat the premise as more of a "tragedy" than a "catharsis." Not based in anger, but immense pain and frustration.

[mama-qwerty]

You've comments on it, but in my fics, I think Eclipse is struggling with in this new home, he doesn't know where the limit is. Back on the comet, he knew EXACTLY what he had to do for his father and what would upset him and would what please him.

Here he wonders what will make someone snap and attack me in a fit of rage? Can I be thrown out of the house if I do something wrong? and that stresses him out.

At least he knew what to expect back on the comet. Here it's anyone's guess

Long term abuse rewrites your brain. You develop coping mechanisms for dealing with it, learning the triggers and warning signs. Your stomach is in a nearly constant state of clench. Senses on high alert. You're hyperaware of every move you make, and run every thought, every action, every word through a dozen mental filters to determine if anything will set your abuser off. And even then you could be wrong.

Eclipse had the additional stress that Black Doom could read his mind. So he had to develop even more filters and ways of coping.

There are times Black Doom would yell at Eclipse. Sending the sound of screams into his head for hours. Those were bad.

But the times he was silent were worse.

The leader of the Black Arms could block his mind from being probed by the lesser members, including Eclipse, and if BD was silent, that was bad. Those were the times Eclipse tried to be extra obedient, extra vigilant. He didn't know what his father was thinking. He didn't know if punishment was coming. He didn't know what he had done--or hadn't done--to incur his wrath this time.

It was almost a relief when the other shoe dropped and Eclipse felt the pain of whatever punishment his father handed down.

But even after the abuse ends, that mindset doesn't.

You flinch when someone talks too loud. You steel yourself if someone moves too quickly. You're still examining everything you say, often staying silent out of habit. You're still hyperaware of your surroundings, keeping an eye on the exit, not letting yourself get pushed into a corner.

And you're always waiting for that other shoe to drop. No matter how long it's been. No matter how safe you feel.

There'll come a time when Eclipse pushes too far, steps over the line too often. And he'll make others mad at him. And all those fears will rush forward, but it will feel comfortable, because this is what he knows. This is normal. Not the kindness. Not the caring. Not the gentle touches, or the soft voices, or the promises that he'll never be hurt.

Talk is cheap.

But when the harsh punishment doesn't come, when he isn't beaten or starved or screamed at or threatened with being eaten alive by the scavengers, that will be even scarier. Because he doesn't understand it. Why aren't they hurting him? There's a routine--he does something bad, he gets punished, life goes on. But without punishment, it's like an open wound (ironically). He has no closure, no sense of end to this situation.

The stress and fear and confusion and anxiety continue to grow, and he can't help but act out more. Testing, pushing the boundaries. Where's the line? Where's the moment that they snap and lash out at him? He can't keep himself safe if he doesn't know how far to go, how to recognize when they're going to hurt him.

He's on edge, even worse than he was on the Comet. He can't read their minds, he can't understand their actions. Their words are weak and teasing and he won't be fooled. But no matter what he does, they don't retaliate. They don't snap and hurt him.

And the thought that maybe they're telling the truth starts to whisper to him.

And it scares the hell out of him.

Because this is new. This is strange. This is uncharted territory and not only removes the threat of corporal punishment, but also gives him the option of not having to live worried about the next bout of pain. They don't expect anything from him.

So . . . now what? How does he behave? What's his purpose? He's supposed to just live?? HOW??

I have a lot of these thoughts for my verse's Eclipse. He's very much like a wild animal that's been beaten and abused, and needs to feel safe and comfortable before he can be 'domesticated'. Well, as much as Eclipse can be domesticated.

[madefate]

hi welcome to me thinking too hard about a fictional character, blitz & ozzie's well, apparently all of season one now edition

i've been doing a pretty deliberate rewatch because it's really easy for me to jump the gun on things timeline wise & conflate where a character winds up, growth wise, with where they are at any given point in the timeline. & i want to do my characterization of blitz justice, of course, but i'm also just fascinated by why he acts the way he does, and boy oh boy is his character arc in season one almost entirely about loneliness.

( also, keep in mind that despite this taking place in hell, no characters actually act with malicious intent, & blitz is an unreliable narrator w/ communication issues ! no character bashing here, just examination. )

o1. murder family

we're introduced to the infamous deal ! which we know, we know, but some things to note that really inform blitz's mindset, and also just some interesting details:

stolas presents this transactionally. generously, sure, but transactionally, & blitz agrees to it transactionally. i will never call this coercion - it's just a deal with actually very clear terms.

the connotation of the whole arrangement, though, is a little condescending. that's kind of the nature of their relationship - blitz bitches at stolas, stolas patronizes blitz, and this feels like a familiar status quo. ( yes, personally i believe this is literally where the miscommunication starts, especially with the context of season two ! it feels obvious to me that this is stolas taking a page out of a romance novel & treating it like foreplay - it's just that blitz doesn't know that! )

the context of blitz talking over this deal while he's in mortal peril and doesn't know where his employees are, or if they're still alive, i think provides some reinforcement for his own feeling that he, himself, doesn't matter. it's easier to call this a business deal than actually communicate that the bad time is, like, imminent death of the people he's in charge of.

this episode establishes the entire season one pattern of stolas continuously referring to blitz as an imp, impish, a thing that's owned, or a thing in general - which does come up & isn't played entirely for laughs.

i think the dirty talking, though, is meant to be played for laughs, so we'll leave that as a joke.

the other major theme of this episode is moxxie's crisis about this being the murder of a mom and the destruction of a family - which is vitally important to BOTH his & blitz's characterizations and backgrounds.

& oh no, the boy is on fire. again. at least this time it doesn't hurt!

a very small moment that does grow: moxxie & millie have each other! they have someone who prioritizes them - which is played a little for laughs here, but we know that it canonically does bother blitz.

o2. loo loo land

DOES ANYONE LOVE YOU, BLITZO ??

hi there, first of two episodes in a row that are literally just bad memory after bad memory !

blitz makes it clear from the get go that he does not do bodyguard work. but, of course, he needs the money & wants the money and so, here he is! making bad choices for himself yet again. obviously, the bitching at / condescending to nature of his & stolas' relationship continues, & we get a few key nuggets of characterization:

blitz takes ❛ first shift ❜ watching stolas - and never actually tags M&M in at all. they only take over when the fire starts & blitz is having his trauma war with a fucking fizz bot, but otherwise he, importantly, tells them to have fun, and is actually seen taking his job super seriously - this comes up again in his flashback with fizz & his guarding of fizz during the mammon special ! so it's pretty clear that guarding someone is something he takes a lot more seriously than killing humans, which makes sense given everything he's been through.

i don't need to elaborate - facing a fizzbot is one of the worst things that could happen to him, ever. it's eclipsed only by seeing barbie, fizz himself, or confronting anything about his mother.

the question of does anyone love you ? and the eventual flip of it, do you love anyone ? is going to continue through the rest of the season

o3. spring broken

personally, i think verosika & blitz had the most toxic fucking relationship, and i don't think it was one sided. i wouldn't be surprised if there was more miscommunication here - i do believe that verosika had real feelings for blitz, that he did too, and that he self destructed the relationship when he realized that. but i also believe that verosika's apparent defense mechanism of being extremely flippant and dismissive hit blitz's buttons exactly.

his biggest fear, we see, is being rejected, and i think it was this unfortunate clash of neither of them letting their real feelings show, blitz feeling blown off, and then destroying the whole relationship when he was desperate for it to be over and the bridge to burn.

so, yeah, this fucking blows. this is contemptuous, and it's fairly obvious that verosika is taking the chance to rub salt in the wound with taking over his space - and he's throwing it right back by challenging her. which would probably be easier to deal with if he hasn't spent weeks basically having his negative self image reinforced at every turn.

which is why he latches so hard onto loona. it's very clear that loona is still working through her own abandonment trauma, and that blitz is usually fairly good about being affectionate and supportive while letting her lashing out roll off his back because FUCK does he understand that.

but he goes in way too hard with the protective thing - he's terrified of what could happen to her in the human world, and he doesn't have the greatest impression of romantic interests in general so he projects hard when he sees her start to fall for tex (something that he doesn't seem to worry about in later episodes, which makes this seem like an anomaly). but she's ALREADY dealing with the normal insecurity of having a crush and her own social anxiety.

so, of course, she blows up.

one of the MOST TELLING LINES in the entire series is "because i adopted you! that should mean something!" this, to me, is the thesis of how blitz interacts with the world: you're either a stranger or you're a family and there's no in between. that's the boundary crossing that happens with M&M all the time - that desperate need to be a family with them. that's what he has with loona: he clings to being her father, because it's, in his mind, the best thing he's done with his life. and of course he goes overboard, and of course loona lashes out, and of course so does he -

and it just, kind of never gets resolved.

but, he'll get over it. he always does.

o5. the harvest moon festival

that's STRIKER, sir!

i think this is, by far, the most interesting breakdown between stolas & blitz and it's so subtle. as a standalone, it really does seem like blitz is simply incredibly grumpy whenever stolas talks to him in wrath, but it's not that simple. looloo land may have been a public outing, but blitz was clearly and absolutely working. the harvest moon festival was posed as a social outing, and he's not on the job at all.

so when he reacts to the nickname blitzy, he's irritated at being condescended to in public when he's not being paid for it. to him, it feels more mocking and purposeful than it ever had, and it's clear that the only times the attention bothers him is when it's - to him - patronizing (even if it's just meant to be teasing!)

then, there's striker (sir). to my knowledge, striker is the first person who pays blitz any semblance of actual respect / admiration in the series, which is something that lights him up immediately. he may feel worthless most of the time, but he's proud of the business he built, and to be working with M&M - employing only imps and a hellhound, likely one of the few, if any, businesses in hell that actually does so - according to striker. what he did was rare and flies in the face of hell's socioeconomic hierarchy, and his mood is noticeably lifted the entire day.

he gets to do things he loves! he gets to play in the pain games, he has a good bonding moment with loona, he got to meet millie's family - fuck, he thought he was making, if not a friend, a work acquaintance - which is a big deal when we know he conflates work with family.

so when the betrayal hits? it hits HARD on EVERY LEVEL. blitz opened up to someone new for the first time ever on screen that we've seen - and striker attacked his employees and tried to kill his business partner. and thought that blitz would want to join him - so what does that say about blitz ? is he like that - he's certainly bitter, he's certainly been kicked around by society, he was charmed by a snake in the grass.

and striker's words don't go away, because, until this point in the series, he's not fucking wrong. the one who treats you like a plaything - is stolas genuinely just fucking around with him? is this all a game - he's so fucking flippant, so is their back and forth of bitching and patronizing not just ... their thing? is he being used ?

& then blitz lets him get away - fails to do his job when he has a weapon that can kill demon royalty in his possession, and blitz - failed.

o6. truth seekers

are you afraid to love people, blitzy ?

there's literally so much here in this episode that i'm speeding through a greatest hits, because we KNOW that we have canon confirmation that blitz pushes people and pushes them away until they prove him right and leave, thanks moxx:

even if blitz WASN'T coming off his failure with striker, he'd be just as protective of moxxie throughout this entire episode. he consistently shields moxxie, makes loona close the portal on them, and watches moxxie the entire time he's still knocked out. family is serious business.

uh oh ! the humans got them ! failed again - that twice in a row now, bud?

this is where those easter eggs of blitz third wheeling M&M comes in - that little truth gas outburst is such a major clue for just how lonely he is. he knows, logically, that he's taking it too far with them - that he's bitter and jealous, but he has no idea what to do with that because the only solution is, uh, letting someone in?? are you NUTS ??

his gas induced fight with moxxie DID hurt them both! both what he'd heard and what he'd revealed - blitz spends so much energy locking away his true feelings that it's like being raked over the coals to have them forcibly dredged up, against either of their wills.

okay, alright, the dream. i'm not even going to dissect it - i just think it's Neat™ that the ghosts that haunt him are his major failures: striker, the most recent; fizz, the oldest; verosika, freshly on his mind and direct contrast to stolas.

(a fun small thing that drives the knife in is blitz's aggravation with moxxie's intellectualism, rubbing the old wound of being seen as stupid or uneducated himself.)

i don't know! eventually everyone goes ! / 'cause you're thoughtless and cruel and you'll end up alone !

you're gonna die alone, blitzo !

you TRIED the solo act - it didn't work out so well / but you don't WANT to do things alone, blitzo

we see it spelled out: blitz is constantly fighting against that instinct to push everyone away, while always craving that closeness - love, someone to spend the rest of his life with. a family that stays. the fear that he will absolutely destroy them so better to fuck it up NOW and send them packing before he can really do some damage.

right now, the closest thing he has to consistent intimacy is stolas. it's stolas he runs to in order to escape the ghosts of his past - but when he realizes that, he needs a fucking leash to let himself crawl the rest of the way. he needs the illusion of no choice - fuck, even the illusion of someone wanting him badly enough to pull on the other end.

are you afraid to love people, blitzy?

absolutely yes. he's his own worst enemy - the only actual constant companion he has, and boy is he sick of himself.

blitz's brain: a currently on fire dumpster

we learn that blitz is capable of being more than physically available - he's been emotionally available for moxxie in the past, and he's emotionally available here, too. all it took was weeks of failure, hours of interrogation, and a REALLY bad trip.

honestly, by the time the girls show up, both of the dumbass twins are ready to just FUCK THESE HUMANS UP. it's been a long day, a long week, a long life, and why not just fall back into their core competencies.

you know my name. use it. thanks blitz. names are so, so humanizing. he just wants to know that his friend - his best friend, let's be real - is okay.

so ... the impish little plaything, huh. honestly, it wouldn't sit as badly if blitz hadn't just had the emotional whiplash of being captured by HUMANS of all stupid things, but then a moment of true competency with his team - and then back into the dread of failure, this time with millie and his daughter at risk, too.

breaking into the facility and getting them home seemed like child's play for stolas. in fact, he's a real demon, apparently. so, what does that make blitz?

exhausted. honestly, after they fuck that night, blitz passes the fuck out.

fuck, he hates needing help.

i also have a fun pet theory that One and Two have a recording of either the wonder twins' hallucinations, or them babbling about said hallucinations.

o7. ozzie's

ah yes, the culmination. he gave it all for a thrust, didn't he.

the sheer desperation of fucking following M&M on their goddamn anniversary. he's not even TRYING to self destruct that relationship - he's just endangering it out of abject loneliness and bitterness.

he's completely unreceptive to stolas' changed behavior - his seeming genuine interest in him, his dropping of all the patronizing and teasing, his actual happiness at being out together. that wall he's placed himself behind is practically impenetrable at this point - there's just been too much shit and they haven't talked enough at all, so there is no part of him that assumes that stolas' affection is in any way sincere.

so, he almost expects the rejection. isn't that exactly what moxxie said? you push people away until they leave - and it takes two to tango, here, of course, but that is the mindset he's in in the aftermath of ozzie's. even if it's unfair, or even if it's just confused or naive or hopeful, blitz thought - maybe, just maybe, he might have at least an ally in stolas.

instead, he got a menu. and blitz bitterly proved himself right.

so he can't see stolas' genuine attempts to reach out in the aftermath for what they are. he's not going to until he starts actually trying to take those walls down - opening himself up to the possibility of trusting someone else. fuck, trying to trust himself. right now, all he can do is look this kindness in the eye, call its bluff (the one he imagines exists), and drive away.

because, fuck, he's going to die alone, isn't he. and that's on him.

[moonstruck-writing]

Slipping Away

Character: Kazunari Miyoshi | A3! Rating: G CWs: Kazunari-centric, friendship, Year 1-ish (exploration of his old mindset), angst, art, hurt/comfort Summary:  He always did his best to get closer to people, but Kazunari wasn’t quite succeeding. What was the point, then? OR Kazunari finds comfort in art Word count: 1.2k

There were a handful of sketches between Kazunari and Tsuzuru.

“That’s a good idea, Miyoshi-san. Let me check something real quick.” Tsuzuru grabbed his phone and started typing, when a notification popped on his screen. “Oh, your classmate from high school just texted me.”

Kazunari looked up from the sketches and felt a little something flying away from his chest.

“Oh.” His voice strained just from saying that. He swallowed and cleared his throat. “What does it say?”

“Just some news about Veludo way, and an article in a magazine.”

Kazunari looked down. It was something small, and simple, and it made sense they shared it with Tsuzuru, too. Both of them were part of Mankai. And even if Kazunari was his former classmate, all of them went to the same high school after all.

Kazunari couldn’t help but relive the memories from that high school reunion, a couple of months ago. He had gone with Tsuzuru to introduce him to some of his former classmates. And then, it felt like the thunder had been stolen from under him.

Kazunari grabbed the pencil case he had brought to Tsuzuru’s room. He tried to distract himself by searching for something inside, anything. But what he wanted, he knew he wouldn’t find there. He couldn’t do anything about it.

It was fine, really. It was only one person.

“Did they also send the link to you, Miyoshi-san?” Tsuzuru asked, noticing that Kazunari hadn’t touched his phone in a while.

Kazunari pressed down his lips, preventing the words from leaving his mouth. Every fibre of his being was screaming, dying to say: ‘Yeah, of course!’ But it wasn’t true. And he didn’t want to do that, didn’t want to lie, to cover for whatever he had hoped.

It wasn’t happening.

“I don’t think he has. Can you send it to me, too, Tsuzuroon?” He smiled, but it was slower than his usual smile. It felt like the muscles in his face weren’t responding to him.

“Sure.” A few taps on his screen, and Kazunari felt the vibration in the pocket of his jeans.

It felt lonely and strange.

Then, it hit him. He wasn’t even the second dish. He had been fighting to get closer, to be more important, but that would’ve only been possible if he had been in the game. Sitting on the bench, making a good impression during practice so that the coach decided to pick him. The problem was that Kazunari hadn’t even been sitting on the bench. He hadn’t been part of the team. He had just been in the audience, cheering and screaming.

He hadn’t been a part of that world.

He felt another vibration, but he didn’t want to check what the notification was from. It didn’t matter. What was the point of it all, if he couldn’t get close to the people he chose?

“Earth to Miyoshi-san.” Tsuzuru’s voice got him out of his thoughts. “Are you thinking of new ideas?”

“Eh?”

“I’ve been calling your name, and you didn’t react. You must’ve been really engrossed—”

“Sorry, Tsuzuroon.” Kazunari started piling up the sketches. “I’ll consult you about the flyers some other day.” He gathered all his belongings and left the room in such a hurry, that the confused ‘okay’ Tsuzuru said was only heard by the door.

Kazunari took his phone out of his pocket only to check the time – something he rarely did – and put it away before his eyes could read any of the notifications. He still had enough time to go to the nearest museum.

◌◌◌

There, sitting in front of a painting in an empty room, his body finally relaxed. With his eyes trained on the surface, he examined every brush stroke, every paint drop, every inch of textured canvas left blank. It felt like the painting was pulling him in, enclosing him in a middle land where nothing else existed.

He blinked and leaned back on the bench, trying to pan away and get the full picture. It was always a journey he took, going from the first impression to the details, the order, the structure of the painting, and the meaning. The feelings struck him first, and he pulled away, got analytical, and had to breathe out of it before plunging in again. He felt the surge of emotions swimming inside of him again and fought to stay with it. It was something new he was doing.

Not reaching out for his phone, no pictures, no documenting the moment, just staying with the emotions and the horrible, inescapable thoughts. There were moments of emptiness when he got lost in a work of art, and although they were deep, they were also brief. Sometimes, those moments led to new ideas, insights, and wonder. It was full of possibility and space.

Today, Kazunari was just happy for the short reprieve from his mind. He wanted, needed something bigger than his problems, something outside of himself, to not feel so empty, so alone, so inconsequential in a life where he had fought hard to be important, and he was still fighting.

He wanted to stop that fight. Needed to stop and just be. But be what? He knew how to do what he did, how to be that person. The hyper, life of the party Kazunari. He knew how to get along with people, fit right into their lives, and see their strengths. He knew how to liven up, and people liked it, people even liked him. Or did they?

He sighed, slouching, and looking away from the painting. I had even come up with a nickname for them, and yet… He closed his eyes right as a member of the staff came into the exhibition room.

“We’ll be closing in five minutes.”

He thanked them and looked back at the painting as the staff left. Was he ready to say goodbye?

He stood up and patted his jeans, making sure he had all his belongings. Then, like an afterthought, he took his phone out and snapped a picture of the painting. It was for artistic purposes, he told himself. It was a process. He had to make something out of it, drive something out from the depths of his mind.

He wanted it to be something for himself. Not to share with others. Not to get their attention or their curious questions. He wanted the painting to remain a little secret – at least for now. It felt like it held a piece of him, one he couldn’t see yet, but was there.

When he crossed the threshold of the exhibition room to go into the hall, he looked back for a few seconds in confusion. He thought he had seen the shadow of someone there for a moment, but when he turned back, no one was there. It was as empty as when he had first come in, which was only natural. But it didn’t feel empty.

He resumed walking out, exhaling. Right there, next to the painting, the shadow of someone who looked a lot like him watched him as he left. He was wearing a black middle school uniform, that matched the colour of his hair. That reflection of the past turned to look at the painting and smiled fondly.

When Kazunari stepped into the street, the street lights were already lit up, and it felt like more time had passed. He felt like a different version of him than the one who had stepped inside. Art took it out of him.

And he would keep reinventing himself as many times as needed.

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[archetype-archives]

ROTTMNT: SPIRITS WITHIN THE WEAPONS

Masterpost

That's not usual.

Plot: Oda is up alone while everyone is sleeping when Leonardo does something unusual. 

Genre: Fluff/Slight Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet, Family-Feels, Original Character, AU/Cannon Compliant

Notes: This was meant to be a much shorter fluff drabble, but it ended up being over 2,000 words. Oh well, this is my first short fic for Spirits Within The Weapons (SWTW). I'm not planning on writing a full fic for SWTW but I am hoping to write quite a few drabble pieces like this. 

I hope you enjoy reading. 

Oda lifted the Odachi in front of his eyes, admiring the sharp blade glistening under the pale blue glow of his ghostly form. Then he frowned. It wasn't perfect. It could still be sharper. He lowered the sword down again and started meticulously running it along the whetstone. Slow, precise, skilful. He repeated this calming action a few more times before lifting the blade to examine it again. His focused expression lifted into a pleased slim grin. It was sharpened to perfection. There wasn't anything this Odachi couldn't cut now. 

If only he could rely on the weapon's wielder to care for the blade himself. But then again, it was Oda's obsessive need to not see the weapon go blunt that made young Leonardo take for granted the need to sharpen it himself. Instead, the turtle found it magically sharpened the next day and never questioned it. In other words, Oda had spoiled Leonardo. He'll probably regret that in the future. But for now, sharpening the Odachi was his favorite pastime while all the others slept. 

Each of the young turtles had turned in for the night, having had a very exciting day of chasing down a magician hippo and the self-imposed "greatest foe of the teenage mutant loser turtles"… a talking worm. Warren Stone and Hypno-Potamus. Warren Stone and Hypno-Potamus. He mustn't take on the habits of the youngsters to forget the names of those that pose a danger—however slim that danger may be— to innocent civilians. Oda was wiser, nobler and more honorable than that to forget anyone's names. Though he will excuse the young turtles for doing so, they were still children after all. 

Fundi on the other hand had no excuse. The spirit occupying the Kusari-Fundo may look and act young, but Oda knew that he was ancient one way or another. He may not have lived long on earth (Oda finds that Fundi turns into a mindset of a young child when he's caught in a flashback of old, old memories), but he has been a spirit for too long not to have matured during that time. Tonfa seems to encourage Fundi's youthfulness though. And Oda doesn't like to disagree with the Tonfas inhibitor. Not because he's currently the size of a huge half-alligator-snapping-turtle-half-human mutant, but because Tonfa has done a lot to help Fundi deal with his flashback episodes. Tonfa knows Fundi. Oda knows Tonfa. And so Oda will trust Tonfa when he says to leave the fiery spirit to live a youthful lifestyle. But that also means Tonfa cannot complain when Oda repremans Fundi for his sometimes too destructive behavior. 

Thankfully both spirits were in a sleep-like state. Being that the spirits don't actually sleep, the closest they can get to such an act is to withdraw back into their weapons and enter a space only the individual can access. Like an inner mind or a dreamscape. It's restful in itself. Peaceful and safe. And it also leaves Oda time alone to mediate, practice his sword-skills and sharpen the blade of the Odachi. 

He was blissfully alone. 

In the rarely silent lair. 

Peaceful.

Relaxing.

Still.

Footsteps.

…?

Footsteps?

Oda turned to look where the soft sounds of footsteps where coming from. If it had been anyone else they probably wouldn't have noticed the slowly approaching sound and could've been unaware of an impending attack. But this was Oda. Oda had honed all his senses to an impeccable level. Oda had also memorized the sounds and scents of all four turtles, their rat-man father and their human friend. 

So even before the culprit behind the footsteps was within sight, Oda knew who it was.

Leonardo plodded into the kitchen unknowingly passing Oda on the way. Usually Oda would've moved fast to put the Odachi back where Leonardo last left it, however, right now he knew there was no need for such haste. The huge black bags under the teenagers eyes, the slump in his shoulders, endless yawning, and defeated aura told Oda all he needed to know. Leonardo's insomnia had gotten the better of him tonight. 

"Oh Leonardo" 

Oda followed his wielder to the kitchen, sitting himself on a stool with his fingers fidgeting restlessly on the table. What he would do to be able to—no, thinking about such wasn't helpful to anyone. He couldn't communicate with nor touch the young turtles in any way, so wishing so would be meaningless. If he so wanted to he could dwell on such later, after Leonardo was better. Leonardo takes priority now. Not that there was anything he could do. 

Although…. He could pick up the Odachi and wave it around to make his presence known. Leonardo would be able to see the weapon flying around the air by itself… and then would probably scream. Oda would effectively be making the child believe he was seeing things in his sleepless state. Frightening the poor thing to death. Then, even if the others did believe Leonardo about a floating Odachi, or even if Oda shows the others by making it float in front of them too, ghost hunters would be called. Donatello would be making anti-spirits weapons. Panic. Fear. More sleepless nights. Oda wouldn't be helping anyone that way. Plus it'll be a terrible first introduction. 

He was overthinking it.

He needed to meditate. 

Clear his head. 

But first Leonardo. 

Usually Leonardo would make himself a cup of tea and either carry it into Donatello's lab to sit and watch his twin work, or sit at the kitchen table drinking it idly and then wander into either Raphael's or Michaelangelo's room and sleep there. Curiously though, tonight, Leonardo decided to make himself a coffee. That's not usual. Then the young turtle stumbled with the hot mug into the living quarters, flicking on the projector to an old Jupiter Jim flick they've all watched a zillion times on an almost silent volume, and slouched comfortably into one of the well-used beanbags. Next, he slipped off his blue mask and sipped the hot coffee, mindless of what was on the screen. Very unusual. 

Oda stood behind Leonardo, one eyeridge raised suspiciously, pondering over what this unusual action meant. Steady a saddened frown formed on his features as he slowly figured out what was going on with his wielder. 

Leonardo was determined not to go back to sleep. Coffee and a film to stay awake instead of tea and the comfort of his brothers to fall asleep. This wasn't just insomnia. This was nightmares. 

Oda knew all too well how disorienting, unnerving and isolating nightmares can be. He couldn't blame the youngster for not wanting to close his eyes for the rest of the night. But to not go to his brothers… that was unusual.

He flicked his gaze over the clock on the wall. The others won't be up for many hours. He knew Leonardo knew this and yet the turtle made no move to wake anyone up. The nightmare must've been about his brothers in some way. The fear of losing them by his mistakes? Of them hating him? Abandonment? Hurt? Guilt? The list was endless. Obviously, Leonardo didn't want his brothers to know about his nightmares. Not yet anyway. That was concerning. 

What could Oda do to help though?

He was an unseeable, untouchable spirit. 

He was…

No, he wasn't useless.

For sure Leonardo would've been much more hurt—or worse— if Oda hadn't been watching his back. 

But right now, while the child was scared and alone, Oda felt useless. 

He settles on sitting on the beanbag next to the young turtle, keeping an eye on him like he always did. Maybe in the still of the lair Leonardo would sense his presence… wishful thinking. 

It was rare for all four brothers to be asleep at the same time. Leonardo usually did stay awake late before going to bed, and, with the help of a few useful methods, his insomnia wasn't as big a problem as it could be. He had plenty of restless nights, sure, he'd gone three days without sleep at one point—Oda would've strangled the young turtle during those nights if he could, or maybe just hug him— but with tea, help from his brothers and ASMR, he had learned ways to overcome a fair few of his restless nights. 

Donatello was the other with sleeping problems. Honestly, if it wasn't for how similar the two can be despite their countless differences, Oda would never have pointed them out as twins. But at least with Donatello it wasn't insomnia keeping him awake. No, it was hyperfixation. His machines. Computers. Ideas. Designs. Plans. Games even. Once the purple-turtle got fixated on something, that was it. Hooked… for days… and nights. Unhealthy so. Okay, so maybe Donatello was worse than Leonardo on that front. At least Leonardo wasn't the one keeping himself awake, his insomnia did that to him. Donatello just didn't want to sleep when something else seemed so much more appealing. 

Miraculously though, Donatello was too knackered to stay awake any longer and welcomed sleep with ease. Wrapped up in an extra soft, weighted blanket. Probably still snoring lightly since the last time Oda did his usual night checks on them all. That's one less person for Oda to think about at least. 

Raphael and Michelangelo were easy when it came to sleep. The pair were diligent in keeping a healthy sleep schedule. They knew the value and importance of sleep, and even if they struggled on some occasions to get to sleep, or nightmares woke them up, they gave themselves a nice breather before trying again. Which usually worked a treat. And if it didn't work, snuggling up with one or more of their siblings always worked.  

So only two out of four were a handful when it came to bedtime. That's not too bad. It could be worse. 

It was worse for Leonardo right now though. 

Hours pass by. Three Jupiter Jim and one Lou Jitsu film later, three cups of coffee, (which is a alot coming from someone who typically did not enjoy coffee much), and half a tub of neapolitan ice cream later and Leonardo was still alone. His brothers will wake up soon enough, but the lair was still deafeningly quiet. At least that's what Leonardo knew.

In reality, halfway through the second film, Fundi and Tonfa woke up. Fundi, determined to get up to his same old antics to annoy Oda, stormed in loudly with a mischievous fire in his eyes. However, the fire quickly dimmed when he spotted Leonardo sitting solely on the beanbag inches away from the huge screen. Oda shushed him and Fundi smirked. 

"It's not like he can hear me, y'know." The Michelangelo look-alike said playfully. 

"Insomnia?" Tonfa mused as he ignored Fundi to sit on a beanbag on the other side of Leonardo. "Wait, no…. Nightmares." He whispered and he hunched up his shoulders. Tonfa may not have any memories before being a spirit, and spirits can't get nightmares, so he doesn't know what nightmares feel like, but he has seen the effects on the brothers. He hates seeing anyone in such pain and torment. It honestly breaks Tonfa's heart to see such a fun-loving, boisterous teenager suffering like this. 

Oda knew the feeling. 

If they could, Oda knows Fundi and Tonfa would've stopped at nothing to help Leonardo, but they couldn't. So they sat with the lonesome teenager hoping he would somehow feel their presence and be somewhat comforted while they all waited for the others to wake up. 

It's the quietest Fundi has been in… years? Decades? Ever? Sadly, this time, quiet wasn't what was needed.��

Not long later, Michelangelo woke up to start breakfast and Leonardo wasted no time barging after the orange brother while tying his mask back on. With his usual playful tone, he bombarded the youngest with a request for pancakes and fruit for breakfast. Oda spotted the quick glance Michelangelo gave Leonardo, head to foot, knowing the observant orange turtle was piecing together what had happened during the night. His eyes flicked to the coffee jar Leonardo had accidently left open on the side. The bags under his eyes. The credits from a film on the big screen.

Michelangelo didn't hesitate to make the pancakes and slice up the fruit. 

Raphael joined not long later and caught on just as quickly. He gave Leonardo the mission to drag Donatello from bed, which he completed quickly by dragging his twin and half the bed sheets into the kitchen moments later. Their father walked in not long after. 

The spirits also joined them in the kitchen for breakfast, just as they usually did. Fundi sat like a cat on top of the kitchen counters—despite how many times Oda has told him not to. Tonfa leaned against the side of the fridge, as far out of the way as he could. And Oda stood in the doorway, watching with a small almost unnoticeable smile as the four brothers and their father chatted away. There was still one of them missing, but that's a problem for another day. 

As he watched, all Oda could think about was that, even if he couldn't do anything to help Leonardo himself, he's thankful that Leonardo had brothers who do care about him. Who notice such small things in him. Who will give Leonardo time before asking questions. And will be patient and understanding when he does talk. 

"He's in good hands," Oda muttered to himself. He choked back a chuckle as the blue-clad turtle flung his pancake like a Frisby at the still half-asleep Donatello only to miss and quickly find a few slices of banana slap him on the face in retaliation. "Back to the usual."

~End~

[rafent]

hibiscus :   how does your muse view the gentler ,   daintier things in life ?as things worth preserving   &   caring for ,   or things only bound to wither   &   disappear ?

HIBISCUS: How does your muse view the gentler, daintier things in life? As things worth preserving & caring for, or things only bound to wither & disappear?

On average Rafal tends to see daintier concepts through a detached lens, enjoying them and recognizing them from a respectful distance due to the strong impression he has toward being undeserving of those things.

Regarding gentler things like love and friendship, it's understandable considering the majority of his formative years and his entire adult life was spent as Nil's imposter. Any happiness he experienced during that phase felt like duplicity- precious moments and experiences meant for someone else, forming his imposter syndrome in a some literal sense of the term- and that mindset even one thousand years later takes considerable effort to change.

The time spent with Nel in Lythos was a stolen treasure in Rafal's own words. He reflects over it in the light of nostalgia, already measuring a retreat from his rights to their bond and not fighting to justify his place in it. Their bond being something he could reciprocate and enjoy, but not anything that would last forever due to the imposter role he played. Nel's gentle nature to Rafal would surely shatter once Nel understood who he really was beneath the facade, so rather than considering their time to be just a pleasant memory, it was also an hourglass on limited time, a joy fated to run out of sand.

Rafal: "You were so gentle and giving with me. So kind. I began to think of you as my one true sister...even now, the memory of our time at Lythos Castle...is priceless to me. But that treasure is a stolen one."

Examining him from another important lens, the beauty of the world is made more obvious to Rafal in his state of post-destruction clarity. Friendships, connections, and communal experiences- all things he reduced to shambles after the actions he undertook in the name of power and Sombron's legacy. His conversation with Ivy reveals a remorseful side of him that expresses empathy for the gentler, daintier experiences that he destroyed. He's asserted as someone who not only identifies the intangible things that others treasure, but sees their value and respects it.

Ivy: "Those unexpected connections are another reason the academy is special to me."

Rafal: "The Ivy from the world I come from must have had similar experiences at her academy. When I think of all the friendships she must have forged... and the effects of my actions..."

During their support, Ivy extends to him an equivocal offer of friendship for his good deeds as 'classmates'. Rafal not only seeks to confirm if the request is what Ivy truly wants, he also exorcises his desire for their special connection out of the equation. He'll be friends- classmates- with Ivy as she wishes, but not as he himself wishes, because when acting with penitence in mind he doesn't consider himself to be in any position to make demands of others. Because in the specific context of their support Ivy's alternate self is someone who he has hurt, the first royal he turned Corrupted in his original world.

Rafal (to Ivy): "If that is your desire, then it cannot be wrong. Your wish is what began this endeavor, after all."

Comparing his response to Alfred and his extension of a bond, however, the nature is somewhat different. Though Rafal thinks of himself as undeserving of friendship and love- the aforementioned gentler and daintier things in life- I don't see that always being the case, thus why I pointed out it being on average. Bonds forged on his own feet, as Rafal and not Nil, or without the distracting anxieties of redemption, are collectively empowering as they should be. It's why Alfred is presumably an illuminating support for Rafal.

Alfred is a weakling of comparable infirmity who pushes himself to be stronger. And more importantly, Alfred once given the full mast of Rafal's sins returns a response of acceptance, eliminating that worry entirely. When given the chance to be 'brothers', Rafal then accepts his offer with only the protest that he be considered the elder brother and not the younger one between them. It shows that Rafal when weighing himself separate from his need to repent and to be emotionally abstinent can and will engage in the playful interactions that resemble normal life. He can find it in himself to chase after the kind, gentle things he used to spurn.

[autumn-foxfire]

(Continue.) Now that I think about it. This may be the reason I shift so much of my attention onto Hawks, because unlike Dabi he doesn't hold the vast majority of my "oh same" feelings. He's like a specimen I can examine under a microscope. He's my poor little meow meow and "the cooI blorbo who does fun things on screen." Whereas Dabi is just "okay what traumatic thing is he going to tell me this time?" I can look past what is there in a way that doesn't bother me mostly because of how Hawks reacts or because what's there isn't explicitly stated and if it is, it isn't in an overwhelming way, just the right amount of understanding. And also because we aren't shown Keigo's feelings at all. He doesn't have an inner voice, he doesn't speak. It's just future Hawks narrating. The future him whose accepted and resigned and merely looks back like it's an idle thought. And while I can feel some emotional beats in how he phrases things, it still isn't the several overwhelming chapters of Touya's story with other people's involvement over many years and background details. The body language and dialogue in Keigo's story may look sad, even the setting, but for all it's realism, the everyday living and story spread throughout the Todoroki Family and their home...the intensity and never-ending stories in that movement affecting each other and shifting by the day is closer to home...it's like we're there. And it's as if we're watching Hawks' story through a glass panel, drifting from one place to another, it's all so quiet and simple to me. I feel Touya as I feel myself, and the best I can offer Hawks is feeling who he is as a character, even if I can "get" some things about him, it's not as heavy. To me, those things are just that, "a thing" I can acknowledge them as not good, but not the kind that sticks with you as lasting trauma. And nothing really did for him, did it? He's a relief of a character because despite everything...Hori never writes him struggling or hurting, he's never really bitter. He never gets triggered and thinks about the past. We can't see his expressions. He's like...the future, that moves on, while Dabi is the past that drags down. It's why it's so easy to empathize with villain backstories, because they spiral where heroic backstories are uplifting. Negativity sticks in our minds more than positivity sometimes. It's the thing that pokes our minds repeatedly, out of the blue without being prompted, which it can do more easily than positive memories unless if that positive memory had such a huge impact on you.

It always goes back to that one thing, doesn't it? However much we agree or disagree because of what Hori shows, but Hawks is meant to be practical with a strong sense of knowing right and wrong, of personal responsibility, of duty, he's like your good little worker citizen, the people with such healthy mindsets that can sort out their problems and feelings in a reasonable way. Dabi is...unable to have that. There's a connectivity divide between being a fictional hero whose story that can reflect real life isn't the forefront of that story, and being a villain for whom that depiction of real life and all the consequences it can bring about, is.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

I really like the parallel between Hawks looking forward despite his trauma while Dabi is trapped in the past however I wouldn't claim that the trauma never stuck with Hawks.

It has and it shows all the time. How he's never good enough, how he's dirty, how his wings are finally good for something. Hawks may try to look into the future his past still affects how he thinks and views himself personally. It shows with how willing he is to sacrifice himself above anyone else, it shows in how he still tries to look for the good in others because he needs there to be good in others as that means there is good in him as well.

Hawks tries to be practical but his emotions shine through time and time again and show us beneath the practical hero is that little boy who just wants to be useful and to show the world he's allowed to exist.

Again it parallels with Dabi's story, with their desperation to be seen by the world, to be acknowledged. They both believe they were never good enough but Hawks keeps clining to the hope that he can be to his own detriment while Dabi has given up on being good enough and now just wants to show the world his hurt and make them hurt with him as he basically commits suicide.

[cardentist]

if you don't mind me adding

I think there's this mindset that jon can Either be the victimizer or the victim of his circumstance, either he is an addiction allegory who takes pleasure in causing pain or he is merely trying to survive the awful circumstances of being turned into something that Must subsist on the pain of others to survive against his will. when these things not only Can co-exist, but Must co-exist in an examination of his narrative.

the thing About addiction is that it is very often a symptom of something that is out of a person's control. pain, illness, poverty, things that make living life as is unbearable. and it is Also true that sometimes addiction can actively make those things worse even while still providing that relief that isn't being provided elsewhere.

as an avatar, you either feed the powers or the powers feed on you. either you give in to being a monster or you are eaten from the inside out. as an avatar, feeding on the fear of others Feels Good.

and it's awful to grapple with, much like the vampire to abstain from the victimization of others entirely is to suffer and die. but it is impossible to engage With that victimization without Indulging in it, no matter how much disgust or self hatred you take with it.

and like, Yeah. if you as an addict have absolutely no means to deal with the awful circumstances that you use to escape from the reality of, then cutting yourself off can feel like that.

it is not Just the withdrawals, but the underlying suffering under it, which is taken as much more Literal in the fun house mirror of the magnus archive's world.

is it Fair to ask jon to suffer and die because the nature of his very existence makes him too monstrous to deserve life? is it Fair to ask countless people to suffer just to be fed on, to have their trauma ripped out of them and their autonomy stripped away?

so many people around him only see one half, they see jon as a victimizer and not as a victimized. they want him to cut off his feeding with no bottom to catch him after, not understanding the cruelty that inflicts on jon.

but at the same time you can't sympathize with jon without sympathizing with all those victimized by his existence. the situation at it's core is unfair because they are All victimized by the same system. there is no inherent difference between avatars and their victims, there is no inherent difference between jon and the people he hurts.

but it's Easier to pretend that there is. it's feels Nicer to conceptualize avatars as making meaningful choices because otherwise the truth is that there Is no real agency in this world. there's no sense of inherent Fairness. there's no way to outsmart being a victim, to outsmart being a victimizer.

and like ! that's the point ! that's Exactly what the characters are grappling with!

jon became the archivist not for any special reason, not because he was inherently better or inherently worse than anyone else, But By Chance. because he was perpetually in the wrong place at the wrong time. he could have died when he was 8, he could have lived a perfectly normal life with his parents, and by chance he didn't.

basira excused daisy's actions while condemning jon as an extension of her Own capacity to cause harm! martin had his own lonely domain that his mind blocked out because he couldn't conceptualize himself as capable of that, But He Was! a man that was victimized in an ant colony was moved up to the role of victimizer against his will and suffered just the same but Differently by having that power over other people!

and like ! at the end of the day the Point, I think, is that absolutely nobody in the tma universe truly has agency But The Choices They Make Still Matter.

is it Fair to ask jon to suffer when he was turned into a monster against his will? no, it's not. but it Matters that it matters To Him. to care about the suffering of other people in this world is painful and difficult, but it is ultimately the Thing that matters more than "human" or "monster."

everyone has the capacity to Be a monster, but loving people, caring about the suffering of others, that is a choice. to not be human and yet to still have humanity.

and that is the inherent struggle of jon's situation, because to care about the safety of other people he must have the power to protect them, but to have power in this world Is to inflict suffering on others.

you can't have the addiction metaphor Without acknowledging the lack of agency, you can't have the lack of agency Without acknowledging the inherent themes of power and addiction. it is not one without the other, it is a complicated soup that's difficult to navigate.

but at the end of the day, the Point of the magnus archives, To Me, is that Caring is still worth it even when it won't save you. that having loved, that having cared, that Trying regardless of whether you have true agency or not, Matters.

and I think ! that that's a really interesting and poignant theme when it comes to addiction metaphors in media.

not in the absolute one to one translation of a tragedy where all characters are stripped of agency, but in saying that there is Inherent value in love, in caring, regardless of circumstance. that being viewed as monstrous (whether internally or externally) impacts Personhood far less than the intent to do good.

addicts are not monsters, but society often views them that way. tma engages with this Idea of monstrousness and asks if all people are capable of it then what does the distinction between monster and human Mean.

I guess the thing that makes me not so fond of Jon's addiction allegory is that it's only coherent to a certain extent? Like I think people sometimes forget that he's actively violating these people

anon, through no fault of your own you have accidentally hit upon my sleeper agent trigger phrase. I have layers of answers to this.

so first off, yeah, it's not a 1:1 direct metaphor, it's a soupy dream logic fantasy plot device with flavors of a lot of different things. there's quite a lot of addiction in there, there's some abuse of power, there's some cyclical nature of trauma, there's a dash of disability, there's a few notes of gendered violence, there's a good bit of just. violence violence and being kind of a motherfucker because goddammit it feels good to be an active agent about something in your life, even if it's just choosing to be a worse version of yourself than you strictly need to be. a lot of tma's worldbuilding is very allegorical, but apart from aspects of individual statements nothing really matches up quite 1:1 with a real world counterpart, and if more things did then it probably wouldn't be a fantasy show anymore.

secondly. okay to contextualize this answer a little bit I have a kind of hypothetical video essay project about vampirism and addiction that I like to spend a few hours thinking about every so often but am almost certainly never going to make because the full research burden required is a lot higher than I actually have the time to properly do. but because of that I've spent a lot of time sorting through why framing vampires as addicts really works for me in a way that it doesn't seem to for everyone, and I think a lot of my thoughts on that also apply to jon. there's going to be a bit of a detour here before we get back to talking about tma, but we'll get there, I prommy.

I've seen a lot of people take issue with various paranormal addiction allegories because, a lot of the time, the act that is meant to metaphorically represent the act of use itself is something that is directly and inherently harmful to others, e.g. drinking human blood, handing over power to your hedonistic Evil alter ego, holding the cursed amulet and going crazy going stupid, slurping trauma out of the head of some guy you ran into on a boat to norway, etc., and yeah, I do get that. substance use is not inherently harmful like that to anyone except sometimes the user themself, and addicts are not inherently fucked up and destructive people; those are dangerous stereotypes that often lead to the demonizing of a whole group of sick people.

here's the thing for me, though: those are definitely truths I want explored and represented when it comes to portrayals of non-allegorical actual addicts, but fantasy fiction isn't for showing the world as it is, it's for showing a subjective fun house mirror version of reality where certain aspects are minimized and magnified depending on how it feels to live through it. and yes, absolutely in real life drug use is not an inherently evil act and it does not make you an inherently evil person, but... doesn't it kind of feel like that? sort of? absolutely no one is living their best life nor on their best behavior while experiencing any kind of major mental illness episode, and when it comes to addiction you've got a very clear tangible symbol of when The Episode is happening that it feels like you have much more control over than when it comes to other illnesses. it's also a thing where people are a lot more likely to be openly angry and distrustful of you if they find out it's happening. so you mix together the ideas of "I know I get worse as a result of doing this one specific thing" + "I act less like myself when I'm using, it rearranges my priorities and I care less about hurting people because that's what happens when you're experiencing The Horrors" + "society at large/people directly around me are pretty quick to say that doing this is evil," and you get the subjective emotional result of "I hurt people by using and it makes me monstrous." I tend to respond to those kinds of paranormal allegories like they're just cutting out the middle man of those subjective fears. "using makes me monstrous" -> "using is monstrous."

anyway. jon archivist.

don't get me wrong, I totally understand if this aspect of metaphor doesn't gel for some people and they only like taking it exactly as far as the text explicitly makes them, but I really get a lot out of reading jon's connection to the fears as addiction precisely because he does genuinely awful things to people as a result of it. he's a person in a very bad physical and mental place with little to no support who is constantly being told by both allies and enemies that he's already a monster just by being alive, and he copes with that by secretly falling further and further into an compulsive act of consumption that skews his priorities and makes him care less about hurting people because at least sometimes getting to be the cause of pain makes him feel a little bit less powerless when he has to be the subject of pain the rest of the time. then he's found out and is made to stop, and he has to grapple not just with the physical toll of withdrawal but with knowing there is a not insignificant part of him that will excuse any act of malice if he knows he'll feel better afterwards.

the end of tma is very explicit in the fact that the rules of its world are shaped by the subjective worst fears of those who live in it, it's "an exercise in unreliably reality" as jonny sims put it once, and I think that principle extends backwards in some ways to apply to the rest of the show. I don't think the fact that there are only entities of fear and not hope or love is meant to be a full commentary on the total nature of the real world, it's a reflection of what fear and suffering can make the world feel like. eric and melanie both go to really harsh extremes to extricate themselves from the fears and live peaceful lives, and in both cases something happens that foils their plans (getting murdered + the apocalypse, respectively), but I don't think the intended message is to say that is definitively how real life works, they are metaphors for the limits of individual agency in larger systems and represent two types of worst-case-scenarios. similarly, I don't think reading jon as an addict implies that addiction inherently involves violence or that the reactions of those around him were completely unjustified, it's just a subjective exploration of the kinds of fears that can come with addiction dialed up to 100.

[lebenspurpur]

slashers reacting to their s/o having a split tongue?

Warnings: descriptions of body modifications, hinted sexual content

Wordcount: 874 words

Michael Myers

Michael doesn't really understand the reason behind tattoos, piercings, or other body mods. He realizes that it's for beauty purposes but still, why would you hurt your body to be pretty?

He really likes your tongue though. It reminds him of a snake and Michael adores snakes. They're silent, good hunters and they're entrancing when they move.

However, Michael is also a very curious person. Prepare for him to just grab your tongue to examine it, while completely ignoring your surprised attempts of stopping him.

Other than the surprise when he first sees it, Michael doesn't really care about your little secret. You're you, with or without a split tongue. That's all that matters.

Vincent Sinclair

Vincent is a giant fan of body modifications, even if he doesn't have any. The idea of actually leaving town is just too terrifying and doing it himself is too much of a risk. Though he was close to just grabbing his dad's old medical books and just getting through with it.

You can see his eyes widen when you show them to him for the first time. immediately after he gulps and you can see his Adam's apple bobbing and his fingers twitching. He wants to touch it so badly but he knows how weird that'd be.

If you allow him he'll slowly open your mouth a bit more and gently press his fingers on the plush muscle, examining the way the two separate pieces work with each other. He's pretty entranced.

Expect a lot of tongue drawing for the next week.

Bo Sinclair

Bo is... very surprised. He's seen multiple body mods over the years but nothing comes close to your tongue.

The first thought that he thinks of is about you going down on him so... I mean he's Bo, what'd you expect.

He isn't as interested as Vincent or Michael, he just likes to look at it even though it freaks him out a little bit.

God, his mother would've hated it. That makes him like your tongue even more.

Lester Sinclair

This poor sweet man literally thinks you got your tongue split in an accident.

"What do you mean, you wanted this?"

He is a bit... conventional about body modifications. Generally, his parents taught him that only bad people change their bodies like that and that mindset has stuck with him.

Lester definitely needs you to educate him on the subject.

I mean, he doesn't hate it... but he doesn't like it either.

Baby Firefly

"Oh my god y/n! It's so pretty!"

Baby loves body mods of every kind. They don't fit her style but whenever she sees someone with a piercing or a tattoo or something else, she'll definitely ask about it.

(Also, I am 100% sure that Baby has nipple piercings.)

She will beg you to take selfies with her with your tongue stretched out. You look so badass and cool in her opinion, she's just proud to have someone like you as her partner.

Otis Driftwood

Otis is pretty nonchalant about the whole thing. Your tongue is cool and all but he doesn't make a big deal out of it.

Though he is surprised when he first sees it. Otis has seen split tongues before but he didn't think you are the type of person to go and get one.

Brahms Heelshire

"What is that."

Brahms' reactions is pretty hilarious.

His mom taught him so, so many bad things about piercings and tattoos. And you've gone even farther and split your tongue in half!

He is very confused now. Mama said only bad people would do this to themselves but you're not a bad person. He knows that. So why do you have one?

It takes him a while to accept it. The thrilling idea of disturbing his mom's morals like that definitely helps with his approval.

After the first, confused thoughts fade, you guessed it, the sexual ones follow. Brahms stays Brahms. He can not contain himself.

Thomas Hewitt

Oh lord, you're gonna go to hell.

Thomas is very superstitious about your tongue. He's been taught about body mods, and not in a good way so he doesn't really trust the fact that you have one.

Obviously, your tongue would never be a reason for Thomas to distance himself. You're way too important to him for that. He loves you, and a split tongue can't change that.

But he doesn't like it, at least in the beginning. Give him some time. He'll get used to it.

Josef

"Wow."

He's really... astonished? But in a good way.

Josef will also want to touch it. It looks so interesting, so weird, he can't help himself.

He really likes it. Josef likes everything that's slightly out of order and your tongue is one of those things.

He kind of wants to brag about it, but he doesn't have any friends to talk to.

So he tells victims.

Asa Emory

He's really not impressed and it really doesn't matter to him.

Once again, Asa sees you more as a pet, a thing, rather than the person you really are.

So body mods really don't matter to him unless they stop him from doing something he wants. Which your tongue doesn't.

[thevoidcannotbefilled]

One of my fundamental issues as Annabelle is written is that... she's not a person. Or more accurately, you could replace her with a walking talking spider or a person possessed by spiders, or something to that effect and it would be the exact same role in the narrative.

Thing is, I don't mind if she's mostly Web. I think that makes sense for an avatar of it. The more you're in it, the more you lose yourself, the more you let go of your natural impulses and can be guided by your entity. I also find the idea of giving yourself up to the Web due to seeing your own insignificance within the world fascinating (maybe especially now where there's so much happening in the world and personally being able to do nothing to stop the bad in it. There's a temptation to give into that misery). The Web is also a huge parallel with Jon's entire journey. Any character who embodies the idea of inevitability, the choices within lack of choices, and feeling small in a complex world should be a huge deal! In a way, her character is everything Jon would hate himself to be. And while I personally don't like taking her statement literally, the fact she parallels her backstory to Jon to mess with him shows how much she directly can get under his skin.

But...

1) there isn't a major moment where she does anything to have an effect on Jon that's related to who she is as a person. There is no shining moment where she and Jon have an understanding or see each other beyond just barebone avatars. And that's because...

2) Annabelle doesn't want anything. As much as the idea of giving herself up to the Web is fascinating... she just doesn't want anything from it. No side schemes to use the Web to counter productively get a better future. No setting up her own manipulations by twisting the final plan. No sense of giving herself up to the Web for protection. Not even "Jon make it easy and just do what you need to do. Then the fear can go away".

She has no motivation. Nothing. Because at the end of the day, all she does within the plot of the show is make sure the Web can do its plan. That's it.

Ever since I saw the line where she was okay with dying to make sure the Web's plan went into fruition it just made me so sad about her character. Oliver makes sense; he is an End avatar, that's his whole thing. His entire journey was learning to accept the monster and the messed up fear the End was teaching him.

But Annabelle? I can see where the whole "I'm just one small step to this plan" mindset is but... for every other avatar there has been some examination of their humanity. What motivates them. Who they are and so on. Season 4 and season 5 explore their complex existence where even if they're hurting people they still have wants and desires. There's something driving them to do what they're doing. Oliver is part of the exception but his exception proves a point in his horror. Even Jonah for how horrible he is, has desires that can be graciously translated to "he never wants to die and wants to make sure no one can ever kill him".

Annabelle doesn't have any of that and I'm not 100% sure why she was written that way. Yes, she wants the Web's final gambit to go through, but idk, its just so odd to me to have an actual person in the role she plays in the current story when a puppeted character could do the same. If there was an examination of the idea of letting yourself go to a higher force for some sake, then that would be something. But as it stands, Annabelle Cane is an awkward character that is too much of a person on the narrative to reliably be seen as just a person possessed by spiders but not enough motivations or want in the narrative to actually be one.

And that's just disappointing more than anything else for a show that's otherwise so good at having wonderful layered characters.

[mysterylover123]

Mysterylover watches MHA: “TDBKDK Family Dinner #2: Anime Version”

So yes last episode we did cover the first half of the family dinner. Now we’re covering part 2. BTW this music is BIZARRE. Why are we recapping all this angst with triumphant music?

Anyway so let’s talk about this arc in general. Since I already posted about the manga chapter, I’m not sure what to add about the anime episode other than “hey, music choice” or “line delivery”, but I’ve reread this arc a lot so I feel like I wanna analyze it instead.

3. Let’s talk about Bakugou. Bakugou’s arc throughout most of the series has been all about learning to care for other people. Learning the “save to win” part of things. He comes to the internship wanting to find “what he was missing”. In the climax, he rescues Natsuo from Ending. But the odd thing is, Bakugou already showed in the Joint Training arc that he was capable of saving people now. So it wasn’t that he needed to learn to save.

What Bakugou got from this arc, many fans believe, was the realization that he mistreated Deku and needed to make amends. All Might at the start of the arc points out that Bakugou is like Endeavor. This comparison was probably one Bakugou was making since the Sports Festival when he overheard Todo’s Backstory Confession to Deku. And here, Bakugou witnesses exactly what being an obsessive, violent asshole who pushes their loved ones away to become the top pro will end up with.

Complete alienation. A family who will never forgive him.

And Bakugou, I believe, wants Deku’s forgiveness and friendship back. He pushed Deku away - he admits to bullying him and hurting him in Chapter 284. And he’s trying to atone for his actions. From this arc, Bakugou learns that he needs to make things up to Deku. He doesn’t say so explicitly, but that’s what most fans take from it. 

Endeavor can never truly make it up to his family, it seems, for all he did. Natsuo will never forgive him, Shoto probably won’t either. Now, currently in the manga Endeavor’s actions have spiraled out to pretty much destroy hero society thanks to Touya, so he’s become even more of a cautionary tale for Bakugou.

What makes that even more interesting, though, is that Bakugou and Midoriya are two halves of one whole. So the same person who is an interesting foil and cautionary tale for Bakugou has to be one for Midoriya too. Given Deku’s current arc in the manga - pushing everyone who loves him away in an obsessive quest to be the best - it’s clear that Deku could maybe have benefitted from comparing himself to Endeavor too.

This hard-hitting examination of his own flaws is what makes Bakugou so compelling, especially in recent times. Unlike Endeavor, who seems to keep floundering back into the same mistakes, Bakugou just keeps improving. 

Shoto and Midoriya mostly got New Cool Moves out of this arc, and less on the Character Development scale. Deku’s conversation with Shoto about being a “nice person” was something a lot of the fandom eviscerated him for back in the day (before the arc had wrapped) since Natsuo overheard it and felt bad about it. 

Deku is a very forgiving person, I’ve never seen him hold a genuine grudge (he’s currently on a quest to save the Supervillain who kidnapped his soulmate, which is about as forgiving as you get). But while holding grudges can be bad, Deku’s mindset may also be problematic. Being too forgiving of evil done to you and others can also cause problems. Deku’s advice to Shoto was well-intentioned, but it had the unintended side effect of guilt-tripping Natsuo and making him feel like a bad person.

Interestingly, even though Deku is the unofficial Todoroki Family Counsellor, he’s never really been able to help Shoto and the fam get through their trauma all on his own. “It’s your Power” was a great moment, but in the aftermath Shoto wasn’t sure what to do with it. He needed to go work through his own problems afterwards. Deku can’t magically fix all the Todo family’s problems, even though he’d like to. To some degree, given the Sports Fest and this arc, it seems like Shoto may need the help of both Halves of the Wonder Duo.

Fighting Bakugou forced Shoto into the position where he had to face his past trauma. His fight with Inasa revealed that he still holds resentment against Endeavor, and that resentment wasn’t something he could - or should! - just be zen about. So what’s Bakugou’s approach to being harmed by someone?

Bakugou has channeled his anger over Shigaraki abducting him into productive motivation. Maybe I’m letting my recent FMA binge watch bias me as to how the story is going to go, but my guess is that the message may be something like Winry’s story there. No need to forgive people who’ve done something terrible for you; instead, learn to channel anger into motivation and power. That seems to be how Bakugou is handling Shigaraki, and maybe it’s how he can help Shoto handle Endeavor too.

Well, that’s not so much clear in this arc, but anyway. Back to Deku and Kacchan’s story. So Deku pretty clearly holds nothing against Kacchan for mistreating him (look at how cheerfully he interacts with him in this arc! Very, very shippy stuff, they’re every bit the Old Married Couple here). So if Bakugou needs to make amends to Deku, and Todoroki needs to channel his anger, what does Deku need to do?

Given the most recent arc, it’s clear Deku needs to learn to rely on other people. That’s his overall arc. In this arc, we see him doing the Evacuation portion, using BlackWhip to save lives. But we also see Kacchan saving Natsuo and Shoto beating Ending. When the Trinity work together as a team, they surpass the #1 pro. That’s probably why they weren’t able to do so before Natsuo was taken.

Deku needs Kacchan’s strength and confidence. Shoto needs Kacchan’s ability to channel his anger. Kacchan and Shoto both need Deku’s kindness and compassion. Deku and Kacchan needed Shoto’s cautionary tale to mend things with each other. Together, of course, they are the best trio. Who win, rescue, and save together. 

in other words, The trinity need each other. Duh. 

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

I’m sorry if this seems rude, but this very much feels like it’s missing something- namely, that redemption is an internal process. Someone being “redeemed” by violence or kindness on their own is just bad writing- to be redeemed, c!Dream would have to confront his harmful mindsets, and change himself. Consequences are a natural result of that, but not because of any violence, consequences can be as simple as “the people he hurt don’t want to be around him and don’t forgive him.” A redemption arc without consequences doesn't work because redemption in and of itself is a consequence. You have to examine and regret your past beliefs- else you're going to slide back into them- and work to try and offset the harm you’ve done.

Kindness and violence are not the only forces in people's lives. Neither is coercion. This feels like a vastly simplified argument that comes at things from a confusingly binary perspective- and ignores that redemption arcs are, also, a storytelling tool. A redemption arc solely focused on harming the character or showering them with kindness is kinda just… boring? The fun of redemption arcs is the exploration of psychology and change, which necessarily includes consequences (which doesn’t mean abuse like in the prison- that’s fucking awful to say and if I see anyone saying that I’ll bite em) but consequences are both good and bad. The harm c!Dream had will inevitably have negative consequences on his life- he did drive off most of his friends, and they would understandably not trust him straight away or even ever- and ignoring that would make the whole thing feel jarring. But if he switched to helping people it should also have positive consequences- I mean, helping people is a positive consequence in itself!

Portraying kindness and/or violence in and of themselves as able to fix issues caused by severe mental illness and internalised harmful worldviews is reductive and a poor way to write a redemption arc, regardless of the degrees they’re included, especially when abuse is involved. But that doesn’t mean that there’s other things that can be used to make a more nuanced portrayal of it. Mental health care and established boundaries, being able to confront the actual consequences of his actions outside of his ideas of everything being “for the greater good” in a safe environment, and time spent away from the people he hurt could all do wonders, and those are not either of those. I apologise if I misread your statement, but it seems very much like you’re assuming people uncomfortable with the idea of either torture or solely kindness redeeming someone as proof they’re against the idea of a redemption in the first place, whereas I think the more likely answer is that they simply think that there’s other factors in play.

to add to the talk abt c!dream redemption and retributive violence/justice ive seen today:

a particular phenomenon that i've seen more than a few times that i'm particularly fascinated by is the assertion that fanworks that seek to "redeem" c!dream post-prison have "a bad message" because they rely on the false claim that torture is effective, that abuse can "fix" someone. the argument goes that a post-prison c!dream that is more "well-behaved" is harmful because the implication is that the abuse is what made him more agreeable, that violence has redemptive power--this is an argument i see quite often levied at syndicate!dream AUs and similar "healing arcs" in fanworks

(i've seen this argument used to speak of canon, as well, particularly to praise the ccs for "not falling into the trap" of making a so-called "abuse apologist" argument by having c!dream behave "better" after the prison--instead, they say he is portrayed to be "just as bad" after he leaves pandora's vault. personally i don't exactly agree that mr. hid in the prison all day was operating at exactly the same caliber of the guy who went from exile to doomsday to staged finale in the space of less than 2 months, but hey, what do i know)

interestingly enough, though, when you pick at these arguments a ltitle bit more...i think it's fair to say that they don't necessarily think that all violence is unnecessary. after all, the argument goes, simple kindness wouldn't have been enough to make c!dream change his mind pre-prison, so obviously if the same is able to convince him after the prison, then the creator has fallen into the same abuse apologist pitfalls that often end up in media with torture involved. but...in that comes the implication that in order to quote-unquote "redeem" c!dream, kindness never would and never will be enough. he has to be, to some extent, forced.

obviously, obviously, the prison arc was Too Much Violence. that amount of violence can't change his mind, that would be Bad Messaging. but to write him as being able to be convinced through more reasonable means is also abuse apologist-y, as it dares to assert that c!Dream's mind would be too broken by the abuse to the point where kindness would be able to win him over. obviously, this means that there's a redemption arc "sweet spot" of violence and/or coercion that can be used to change c!dream's mind despite his unwillingness (in an Ethical Manner, of course. plus or minus some suffering that is only deserved, because all good redemption arcs include some #Consequences, where the #Consequences don't really matter in terms of where they come from or why they happen as long as they live within the appropriately designated allotment of Redemption Arc Violence that is Allowed)

obviously.

[thedeviljudges]

examining the phrase “i didn’t want to see you go to a place you can’t turn back from” from ep 15 (and when gaon said it previously), really hits heavy when you realize that gaon actually cares for yohan but yohan does not care for himself. yohan had a plan all along, knowing he’d either have to flee, be tried and put in jail or he’d die. and not for one second did he care about what happened to him, as long as he got justice—and it’s not even justice for himself, truthfully. it’s justice for eljiah who has to live without her parents, who cannot walk because minister cha hurt her so badly.

it’s actually kind of painful to hear, maybe even for yohan, because at that point, he has someone who cares about him so deeply enough to not want yohan to go down the wrong path, but it’s too late. it was already too late even before gaon was put into yohan’s life because nothing would’ve been able to stop yohan no matter what. there was no other way because yohan had made up his mind to see it through regardless, but he hadn’t expected to have conflicted feelings because gaon actually made him care.

which made it all that much harder when yohan pushes gaon out of the courtroom, and he’s upset knowing he might not make it out alive, and gaon is behind those doors screaming his name. in the end, yohan’s revenge and his sense of justice came before all because at that point, it needed to be done, and it needed to be completed, which goes back to his jesus-like characterization. every plan was set in stone—albeit changes depending on context and circumstance, but the inevitable end was never not going to happen.

and that’s what makes gaon’s words so heartbreaking because if yohan had  that to begin with, it could’ve turned out differently. but there gaon is in yohan’s office telling yohan he’s sorry he did what he did because he didn’t want the man to go to a place he can’t come back from, but at that point, what gaon failed to realize is that yohan was already lost to his plans long before he ever showed up. that was set in stone the minute yohan left the church with elijah in his arms.

and while i’m at it, i refuse to believe that yohan was ever meant to be the devil judge because in that same scene in ep 15 when gaon tells yohan that “using the vulnerability of human beings is what the devil does” couldn’t actually be further from the truth because again, if we go back to him being a jesus figure, the devil is never truly involved with blood and sacrifice. he causes chaos, yes, but jesus is the one that knows humanity has blood on their hands (re: their sins) and chooses to forgive them for “they know not what they do” because that is the entirety of the narrative—to give everyone a clean slate, to start over with a new covenant and new rules different from the old testament.

the clean slate in the show is a new judicial system, sure, but it also gives people the power back to make choices, to pay attention and live by new rules. their sins are wiped clean to start anew. gaon is still stuck in a mindset where the devil is compared to human iterations of what evil is, but the reasons they call yohan the devil are not actual reasons he’d ever be considered the devil, technically. humans live by good and bad deeds, and when you do something horrific, you’re considered a devil, but it’s slightly different in the context of the bible. jesus knew humanity would be stained with blood but it would be forgiven and it would be different after his crucifiction and resurrection, which goes to show that our concepts of good and evil are not always practical.

this is also not me saying that all of yohan’s actions were right, but gaon kept on about how yohan is trying to make humanity complicit in yohan’s revenge plot, and to an extent yes, but it also begs the question of whether they were already complicit in the system that was established before, and the answer to that would be yes. yohan was right to say that there are no innocent people in the world (and gaon’s right too that a lot of people try to be good people), and the actions they took via the app during the trials were just more obvious ways of their nature.

i said it before quite a bit, but yohan had to show the world the level of which things could get; he had to hold a mirror up to the entire country so they could look at themselves for who they were and what they were doing, so that when he got rid of the elite, they could do better. and now i’m talking in circles, but that is the exact story of jesus dying on the cross. the blood on their hands gaon was referring too, his fight to say that humanity is good wasn’t a lie either—he just failed to acknowledge that doing good isn’t always the base component of human nature, and that it takes practice and effort to actively work on. he can believe that for what it is, but you cannot remove the sinister component of greed and all the other seven sins that go hand in hand with humans. gaon was on the right track, but not quite right thinking that. yohan was also on the right track with the no innocent people comment, but also not quite right.

[characteroulette]

well all rightie then, it’s time to analyse how DGS1 handles grief really well in my opinion

(once again, spoilers for all of DGS1)

(also some spoilers for the original trilogy games) (and a little of DGS2)

okay So my thesis statement here is that Asougi’s character in DGS1 is the vessel through which Ryuunosuke and Susato’s grief is explained. Everything about how they relate to Asougi is their dealing with their grief in a simple message: Loss hits hard, but you have to continue to live and love. Life Goes On, shaping that grief into yourself if you allow it.

We start off with Case 1 as our baseline. The set-up. It’s a routine to show what life is like for Ryuunosuke before tragedy. (Fitting for an AA protagonist to have their baseline of normal being accused of murder.) This case does a really, really good job of setting up Asougi as our friend, our partner, whom we might spend the rest of the game with.

(I mean, the death flag’s kinda obvious if you’re genre-savvy; the mentor must die so that the student may grow into their own. But Asougi’s so likeable! He’s confident, genuine with Ryuunosuke, comfortably teasing, and looks at you with the same eyes as Klavier. What’s not to love? Also that small hint of something deeper is so tantalising that for it to go unresolved is pretty unthinkable.)

It’s important for us to see how much Asougi means to Ryuunosuke, how much the two really are best friends. This set-up is pivotal to what happens next in Case 2: the drop.

The way Ryuunosuke reacts to learning about Asougi’s death is real. He tries to deny it at first, can’t bring himself to believe it. Especially since he’s been accused of the crime! But the moment he sees that photo of Asougi that Sherlock took, that’s where the truth of it hits and he can’t run from it anymore. All he can do is try to push past that biting grief to at least solve his friend’s murder and set things right.

Susato’s own grief is portrayed really well here, too. She’s so angered and clouded by it that she totally ignores the fact that Asougi and Ryuunosuke are best friends and believes Ryuunosuke to be the murderer. Really, she just blames Ryuunosuke because it’s easier that way, since the wound cuts just as deep for her.

What really strikes me, though, is how the whole case isn’t just a one-note misery. Like real life, the two slip into sadness when they remember their dear friend, but they’re still able to joke around. They still get upset or sarcastic or excited. Because, though their grief affects them immensely, the message is that life continues. It can’t just stop for them like it did for their friend; life goes on. Not out of malice, but out of necessity.

Also, the way Sherlock acknowledges their grief is pretty great. That felt hugely validating to me, how he tells them that their mourning is important and how his jovial, joking tone was never properly taking that into account. The way he continues breaking in at the end to lighten the mood, too, is his own genuine way of trying to help, exhausting though he may be. It’s appreciated, at the least, to keep us the players from breaking down into tears as the conclusion rolls with no real satisfaction at the mystery being solved.

That final conversation between Susato and Ryuunosuke, at least, is hugely cathartic to make up for that. It sounds like it should feel rushed, honestly, dealing with the majority of the grieving process in just Case 2, but it doesn’t at all. It seems properly healthy, like the two are doing their best by confiding and taking comfort in one another in order to celebrate Asougi’s goals, to keep going where he can’t. Ryuunosuke and Susato both form their resolve here to continue to live, not just for Asougi, but for themselves as well. For life’s sake.

Because, again, life goes on.

(A brief tangent: Seeing the contrast of this story versus the original trilogy is also a really neat sort of view into Shu Takumi’s growth as a writer. Or the AA series’ growth as a whole. How Edgeworth handled his grief by never really acknowledging it in AA1, how he basically ran away from it by refusing to live as a sort of punishment against himself, is really sad. Then Phoenix handling his grief in JFA by turning to anger and resentment is just as heartbreaking. Phoenix disavows himself from it, trying to spare himself the pain by denying it, which only hurt him more and he had to have everyone around him break him out of that awful mindset. Then in T&T it’s Godot’s grief which drives the plot, as he turns his anger on Phoenix unjustly. He blames Phoenix for Mia’s death and lashes out at everyone instead of allowing himself the time to properly grieve.

And then DGS1 comes along to say that maybe the answer is just that life goes on and we have healthier ways to reconcile with our grief and it’s just real neat to see!)

In Case 3 and 4, we can see through Ryuunosuke’s discussion with Lord Vortex (/Stronghart) the continuation of his handling this grief. It’s a burden, one Ryuunosuke doesn’t fully understand, but he fervently takes upon himself because we want to live for those we’ve lost. (It is the Wright way, the Naruhodou way, to take on the aspirations of the friends you’ve lost. To mimic their mannerisms, their ambitions, in order to keep them close to your heart.)

(That’s a whole other can of worms I could dive into, honestly, how their decision to give Ryuunosuke all of Phoenix’s poses for the whole ancestor vibe while ALSO making it clear that Ryuunosuke took them from Asougi to begin with, it’s just. It’s good, it’s perfect, it’s the same brand of gay the series is known for and I’m love it.)

You also see, as the trial of Case 3 progresses, how Ryuunosuke is basically just living off of ‘what would Asougi do?’ as Susato coaches him along and it’s fun and bittersweet all the way through. Case 4 is where he gains more confidence in himself, but he still defaults to thinking of Asougi’s unwavering trust in him to help him and every time it’s handled with tenderness and shows just how much Ryuunosuke loved his friend.

And, if you’re like me and take every opportunity to examine Asougi’s badge and present it to Susato (/others), you see how they continue to grow with their grief. It starts off with both of them being unable to say much, still weighed down heavily by Asougi’s loss. Though they are continuing and life goes on, it’s still a wound too fresh to approach and hard for them to properly explain.

By Case 5, though, the two of them are more conversational. They’ve found their words, they’ve mended that wound as much as possible so that life won’t leave without them. It still hurts, of course, but it’s easier to think about. It’s easier to reconcile when they’ve been working hard and making friends and continuing to live. It’s small, but the progression is there and I really appreciate it.

Speaking of Case 5, though, everything about this one, in regards to Asougi, is pure catharsis. It really is like they’re looking their grief right in the face and accepting it as a part of themselves. Ryuunosuke looks back on his friend not just with fondness, but with gratefulness that Asougi could make such a big impact on his life.

(This is similar to the whole Phoenix and Mia thing, I feel, since Phoenix often thought of his mentor with the same sort of tone. At least, I think so. Remarkable how Phoenix’s grief can mirror the finalised version of Ryuunosuke’s with the help of spirit channeling! /joke)

Ryuunosuke and Susato have etched Asougi into their hearts and their persons and it’s just really, very good I like it a lot.

(okay time for a few paragraphs on DGS2 and Asougi)

Case 1 one DGS2 is a neat look into Susato’s mind and thought process. You can definitely tell she’s still just a 16-year-old with the mistakes she makes and how she tries to handle her own arguments, which is very cute. We also get to see her actually talking to Asougi’s grave and then see how her own relationship with Asougi has influenced her style (/poses) and aspirations. (Ryuunosuke, too. It’s cute to see how she’s ended up a mixture of both of them.) And it’s a great rug pull moment for the player, since the way that the grief is handled in DGS1 is so good and (almost) final that hearing Asougi might not actually be dead is a bit like digging up old wounds. I mean, we went the entirety of the first game coming to terms with his death, what do you mean his body went missing??

(Case 2 serves as a reminder. Like haha remember how Susato and Ryuunosuke both love Asougi and are sad about his death? Here’s the baseline again, get ready to have it wrecked!)

And Case 3 is phenomenal, too. The way Van Zieks is so understanding in his response to showing him Asougi’s badge is just. It’s perfect, he’s so gentle and empathetic that it shocks Ryuunosuke (even though Ryuunosuke did the same understanding and concern for Van Ziek’s situation Ryuunosuke please). Then the way that Ryuunosuke sees Asougi, disguised in a cloak and mask, and immediately recognises him. To me, that really shows how much he loved his friend. He knew Asougi for about a year and it’s been about nine months since Asougi’s death, yet Ryuunosuke recognises him just by the way he carries himself.

But, to him, Asougi is dead. He’s made peace with that. So, even if it plays on his mind, he can’t allow himself to think that. He puts it out of his mind completely and doesn’t think on it again.

At least, until Susato (who reacted very realistically by shutting down the possibility that Asougi might still be alive because that means Sherlock lied and she couldn’t take having that hope break her worse than before) sees the exact same thing just as immediately and shouts after him. The fact that they both see this disguised man and know it can be no one besides Asougi is insane. It’s love. It makes me cry, I wish they could’ve hugged him during the big reveal (though I know Japanese culture’s just not like that).

Anyway, DGS2 diatribe over. Back to the conclusion.

The whole of DGS1 is just a masterful example of how grief doesn’t have to destroy you, of how life can go on and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing, and how channeling that grief into motivation to keep their memories alive can be powerful. That it’s okay to still feel grief even as you heal, that it’s okay to have fun and keep living even as you mourn. Life is a mixture of levity and tragedy and, to me, DGS1 nails that mixture with perfection.

Absolutely legendary. Join me next time when I dive into the main theme of DGS2, which is literally ‘the dead will come back to life to haunt you’ thanks for coming to my essay talk

[iodotsys]

Poop Brain! Your opinion on zadr? Any headcanons for frogman and his human?

Opinions on ZaDR, huh? Its awful. Its completely not canon. It makes Jhonen vomit in his soup. Its the reason I'm going to end up fighting Jhonen in a Denny's parking lot at 2am one day. Therefore, it makes me happy.

Oooh boy...ZaDR headcanons? I feel like I should time how long this is gonna take me to write.

They would bicker, constantly. They would brawl about the same amount as well. Fighting each other would be one of their favorite past times and it makes them feel alive.

They would have a lot of trouble verbally communicating their affection for one another. There would be this unspoken bond between them they choose not to bring out in the open, but both know and understand it. Like if they're cuddling, if one or the other bring up the fact that they are cuddling or anything that pertains to it (like saying the other was comfortable or whatever) that would be the end of the cuddle.

I don't really think they'd end up developing feeling and getting together until late into Dib's teens or his 20's. Dib wouldn't be able to grow past his prior hatred and let go of his "must capture Zim to impress everyone" mindset.

Zim. Would. Be. Possessive. As. Hell. If it so much seemed like another person showed the smallest interest in Dib, Zim would hiss and scream.

Zim would also be extremely protective of Dib. If he saw a bruise he didn't make on him, Zim would be on it to make sure whoever hurt Dib would pay.

Dib would try and teach Zim about human emotions. I think Dib would have patience and understanding if Zim just 'didn't get' why Dib was feeling a certain way. He understands Zim is not human and processes things vastly different.

They are obsessed with each other's eyes. Zim sees Dib's eyes as a representation of the dirt of the Earth mixed with the yellow of the Sun and Dib would see Zim's as shining rubies. Zim constantly jokes about stealing Dib's eyes right out of his head.

Zim calls him Dib-stink (affectionate) because he genuinely likes Dib's smell.

If Dib is upset about something, it makes Zim uncomfortable and he calls him 'broken'. He then tries everything in his power to fix Dib to being 'not broken'. Believing something like a single hug can cure major depression type stuff. This usually results in Dib needing to do the aforementioned "Zim, humans have emotions this is what it is." thing. Zim would probably grumble and get him nachos or something.

Dib is absolutely fascinated with Zim's knowledge of space and constantly asks questions relating to it. I would imagine Zim gave Dib an interactive star map eventually so that Dib can research things on his own and come up with more in depth questions.

They are both rather unsentimental. Things like anniversaries aren't important to them.

Dib is much more romantic than Zim. He would be the one to initiate kisses, cuddles, etc. If Zim wants to be romantic he would either order Dib to kiss him or just go for it, even if it is an inopportune moment. Zim wouldn't care.

Like I said prior, I think Zim is a coward when it comes to the paranormal. But he would feel content if Dib was around due to Dib's extensive knowledge.

Dib is still curious about Zim's anatomy and innards. Unable to perform an autopsy now (regrettably), he has to resort to Irken anatomy books he's given. Zim does allow Dib to do an exterior examination of him, text in hand.

Being part of Irken culture, Zim loves to binge eat junk food with Dib whenever they're having down time together. This could include a nosedive into Youtube hell, which Dib usually finds himself in and drags Zim with for hours and hours.

I believe Dib cannot cook at all. Like, if Foodio wasn't around this boy would be eating dry ramen while having a mental breakdown. So, Zim cooks.

Okay, I think 36 minutes of writing headcanons is good. XD Thanks for the ask! Always love talking about ZaDR.

[tadpolebobatea]

I’m back and ready to ramble

(I changed my mind. Do not read this. Freezing cold takes and it’s far too many words. So sorry mutuals)

Roleswap/Abilityswap, tragedy plays out differently since Tella wouldn’t have his “i have no mouth and must scream” moment.

But Not being able to give orders as a commanding officer still sucks so tragedy is definitely still gonna happen. maybe more not being able to shout something in the heat of battle and people dying as a result. I think that would fuck billy up, since he’s a “I have to make the big calls and keep everyone safe” kind of leader.

For tella Maybe something like him having to make a decision that Billy usually would and it going horribly wrong (that’s a little too directly his fault for a UU tragedy but we’re spitballing).UNFAIR from the perspective that if god hadn’t fucked billy over Tella wouldn’t have been put in that situation to begin with.

(I actually don’t know if tella has the riz to convince creed to join under but it’s something that would need to happen so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Some way or another they hear about union and things are more or less the same (Billy acquires some speaker things as well) up until Billy’s little “these people shouldn’t fight god” crisis and is lost on how to proceed.

Tella doesn’t mind either way. He doesn’t think killing god is possible but if billy wants those kids not to kill god then he’s willing to help, anything to not fail him again.

I enjoy the tragedy angle of : the initial event is caused by tella making a decision so from then on he fully backs away from decision making and gets himself further and further away from a chance at peace by following orders.

The plan: Billy should continue working with union, gather as much goodwill, respect and affection from them as he can. Then, at the appropriate time, Tella would attack union and billy. (an option that spares billy from having to hurt them, something I think Tella would want). Since hurting one of their own is a good way to make union really not like you. (you were right, tella is a bad bitch and can cope with that sort of situation, he’s so moé I forget he’s a soldier)

I love unfair as a concept, and the idea of forcing Tellas : “I would do anything for him” mindset to its logical extreme of “ill do anything for him, actively to my own detriment” and emphasising an unfair relationship between him and billy.

I enjoy that Billy’s UNFAIR is like an almost… condescension, like it’s a kindness but it’s also a “I don’t think you can handle this/i can handle it better myself” feeling and Tellas would be more … I do not value myself the way I value others. both unfair but in different ways (Unfair to others vs Unfair to the self)

(trying to accurately verbalise my thought on pre loop Tella.)

He’s definitely not a happy bunny, but it’s more lacking purpose and direction than depression to me. He would rather be miserable but following orders than drifting through life.

(sort of like… abbachio and Bruno’s relationship in JJBA where following orders means not having to examine your own role too closely. Everything I talk about winds up back at jojo)

Maybe with elements of “this is what the rest of Balance would have done if they survived instead of me”. More out of a sense of duty and responsibility since that’s something that billy mentions.

Sorry cat. The only sensible way to respond to this is vague horror. I did try to keep this short…

From chapter 151