#And despite all this time I’ve spent not doing shit I need a break. I want more.

[emmebearpaw]

God I hope the work-fun balance kicks in soon. Need it to balance. Please please balance. It happened last year please please

[gay-dorito-dust]

So so so so i need short reaction

“‘They’re your great aunt/ uncle y/n!’ Stanley shouted just as you fully stepped out of the portal before it closed behind you for one final time, plunging the room in almost darkness had it not been from the ember coloured gem that hung from your neck. You removed the hood from your head to reveal your aged face and slight hints of silver that streaked your hair permanently. “

The portal will shut down slowly And then a laser shot y/n from behind as they dies infront of them and the portal finally fully shut(cus y/n is off guard) CUS I THINK ITS FUNNY IF ‘i fixed this portal with my brother for 30 years, now i can see my lover again’ to ‘WHAT THE HELL, NO!’ AGAJAJAJAHAHJASG

You devious little shit. I love it!

Warning: reader is dead in this one. So sad.

The moment the laser hit you did Stanley thinks his entire life was one massive joke.

Ford has to quickly get the kids out of the lab to avoid them seeing their great aunt/uncle bleeding to death as the portal died almost immediately afterwards.

Thirty years and all Stanley got in return was to watch you die as you bled out in his arms, still smiling up at him while he felt his heart crumble and crack into nothing.

Thirty years of being apart and the only time you got together was when you were telling him that the minutes you got to see your precious Stanley’s face, handsomely aged like fine wine as you said weakly, wishing him happiness despite the fact that his entire reason for being happy was slipping away and he was helpless to do anything.

Sure Ford must be getting help upstairs while the kids constantly pestered him with what was happening but Stanley knew that even if they did arrive you wouldn’t make it, you were already starting to feel could as you would soon admit to him, but still found the strength to touch his tear stain cheek to tell him they he was far too beautiful to cry over you.

A call back to when he told you that you were far too beautiful crying over a douche of an ex as you sat on a bench in the rain, he wished he could go back to the night you first met and married you then like he always dreamed he would when you stayed by his side; even when you fell into the portal Stanley wanted to marry you as soon as you came out of the portal, only for you to get fatally shot right before his eyes.

He wasn’t destined to marry you, that wasn’t aloud and instead he was doomed to suffer a long and isolating life with your smile, laugh, kisses, hugs and willingness to go along with his schemes and yet not once did he ever had the strength to tell you he loved you.

Stanley has so many regrets and such little time to admit to them as his vision of you was blurred with tears that he felt like laughing, even his own body was against him seeing you.

‘Thirty years.’ Stan whispered as he pressed his head against the side of yours. ‘Thirty years I spent getting trying to get you back sweetheart, not once did I ever get you out of my head. I refused to as I thought that if I forgot you for a single second I’ll forget what you look like for the rest of my life and I don’t want to ever forget you when you’ve been nothing but the best thing in my entire life and now you’re being taken from me, again.’ Stan finished, pressing kisses into your cold skin.

‘I found a dimension where we’re married Stanley.’ You spoke hoarse. ‘Married and I’ve never looked happier than I did.’

‘Where was it sweetheart.’ Stan asked as he held you closer to his chest.

‘Here, at the mystery shack.’ You told him, smiling at the ceiling of the lab that would become your resting place. ‘You never liked the idea of signing an overpriced piece of paper just to officially show people they we are in love.’ You added with a chuckle that ended in you coughing up blood.

‘Stop speaking toots,’ Stanley panicked as he felt his heart break somehow even further as he burrowed his face into your neck, wanting to remember how you felt against him once last time, ‘stop speaking please and save yourself the energy.’

‘We both know it’s too late, so allow me to say this. I love you Stanley pines, I would’ve loved to have been married to you and scam people with deep pockets together in another life.’ You said and those were the last words you said as the last aspects of your life had left your body.

Stanley had lost his happiness for the second time and he didn’t get to tell you he loved you, or that he would’ve loved the scam people and be married to you too…

[mydollsaregay]

just spent the afternoon reading through caroline’s books. i’m obsessed. cannot get over her doing all that insane shit in her frilly little dresses. 💕

as a child, i *loved* wearing fancy (hand-me-down) dresses while getting absolutely covered in mud on the playground, so it makes me feel very seen to read about her having an insane little adventure and then get to the illustrations, which are giving fashionable girly-girl. it’s strange but also wonderful to me.

also, her mom is a total badass.

additionally, i really love the lack of disdain caroline has for more traditional feminine activities, despite wanted to break from that mold (with her wanting to be a ship captain). i feel like a lot of modern historical fiction revolves around characters who not only want to go against the grain of what their society deems “ladylike”, but actively disparage others for not doing so, and dismiss those “ladylike” activities as useless. that’s not generally an issue that i’ve seen a ton of from ag, but it sneaks in every now and then.

like. caroline hates baking day, but she doesn’t think it’s dumb, it just doesn’t come easy to her, and it’s frustrating! she understands the importance of helping her family with the garden, even when she’d rather be at the shipyard, because she knows they all need that food. she also genuinely enjoys sewing and embroidery; i can definitely see an older caroline, captain of her own vessel, continuing to embroider in her free time. whenever others disparage her for not being ladylike, she does the mental equivalent just giving them a weird look and then moving on. she really just thinks to herself like “damn. they are being rude as hell and need to mind their business. whatever.”

i think her books also do a pretty good job of being a power fantasy for kids (in that she gets to do cool, important things) without making the adults around caroline seem totally incompetent. whenever she’s trusted to do an important or dangerous thing, they honestly do not have any other good options, and she is genuinely critical in helping them get through whatever is going on, without it seeming contrived. i also liked that part of her stories because it felt pretty in line with what i know of the roles children played in their families at the time.

also, i love her character traits on full display in her last book. (spoilers) upon catching a thief stealing food from her aunt and uncle’s farm, her first instinct is to chase after him at full speed with a pitchfork. and upon catching him and listening to him explain how hungry he is, her first instinct is to get food for him and his family. daring and compassion. it sums her up pretty well, i think.

anyway. conclusion: i lub her.

[cialovesklopp]

chapter two — away we go

summary — it’s her first race and the first time she has to prove herself to the harsh world of formula one. the stakes are high and everything becomes dark once the lights are out. victory is always the highest goal and some are willing to play dirty to get there.

song — genius [ sia, labrinth, lsd ]

warnings — light mentions of drugs and child negligence

word counts — 6.5k

cia’s quick rambles — here’s part two as i’d said. i apologize again for the long wait and really hope that the next chapters are going to come out at a more consistent rate. maybe every two weeks or something. in this chapter we have first conversation with max and he is officially introduced into the series. i hope i get max right as i’ve never written for him but pls, if i get something wrong, just message me. i appreciate it.

on another note, i’ll be taking a mental health break but more to that on another post. also even though i watch a lot of f1, i don’t know shit about the engineering part and am more focused on strategy so pls don’t care much about any technical engineering information that I mention 🫶🏾

( masterlist / navigation / previous / next )

— zandvoort 2023

as if the stars had already decided on her faith and following demise, her first race, where she was to prove her skills, was zandvoort. the home of their fiercest rival and dutch lion — it was enemy’s territory. but despite their small home advantage because of max aaliyah wouldn’t let that divert her from her goal.

it wasn’t just a race and the result that mattered so much to her. all the late nights at the factory, countless hours spent in the wind tunnel were about to be showcased. and aaliyah hated failure. all that work couldn’t have been for nothing. 

for her, it was her first time at the paddock and just from the way people had waited t0 see them arrive, she finally understood all the hype around elite motorsport. the paddock itself was a hive of activity, with people, who happened to cross paths with the mercedes team chef, asking for pictures. aaliyah was amazed by how easily he handled it all, it seemed so easy almost as he took picture after picture. it was a world she just did not belong to. 

roar of engines, the constant smell of burning rubber and the sight of orange wherever she looked were the reminder that she desperately needed. to realize and let it sink in where she actually was. it made her heart race, knowing how much he had dreamt of this moment and now she was living it for him. every detail, from the polished pit lane to the towering grandstands packed with excited fans, felt almost too vivid to be real.

what aaliyah definitely had not expected was for her to be the new talk of the paddock. paparazzi were blinding her with their cameras, while constantly shouting at her to new questions as she walked through the paddock. 

“why do you think you were chosen for this huge role?”

“are you sleeping with toto wolff to get this job?”

“how do you already have a phd?”

her breath hitched in her throat as the paparazzi shouted at her, it was overwhelming and unexpected. the sheer intensity of it all caught her off-guard as they made their way through the crowded paddock. 

toto, who had sensed her discomfort pushed her behind him protectively to shield her from all the questions. “aaliyah, i need you to promise me something.”

she nodded.

“if there is anything, no matter how overwhelming, you look for me directly. don’t try to handle it yourself. i’m always right there.” there was a sense of sternness in his voice but she knew he meant it well. 

and she couldn’t fault him for his protectiveness. even though outwardly she looked composed, inside she felt like a ticking time bomb, poised to explode. and she couldn’t afford to fall apart again, she'd sworn that to herself when they'd spoken about her past.

she would never go that low again.

“i know. i promise.”

aaliyah took a deep breath to get her pulse normal again and it felt like a huge weight fell off her shoulder when they finally reached the mercedes garage. they walked inside lewis’ side of the garage, past his car that had become aaliyah’s new baby and pride. 

just as promised she had brought new upgrades to the car, some a bit more recognizable others small. yet they were all significant— a result of all her hard work she auf poured into. whether it was at three in the morning or during her weekly facetime with eva. 

a few had doubted her suggestions at first and aaliyah couldn’t even blame them for being a bit hesitant towards her. i mean, how could they trust a girl that they had never heard of? a woman who had no experience in this area?

in the end it had been toto, who had forwarded her ideas which helped her set them through along with lewis’ persistence. 

she had changed the floor and brought a new rear wing and seeing the car in front of her fitted with her modifications felt like a small victory. a small part of her promise was completed. 

aaliyah put her bag on the table, that toto had directed her too and which was already equipped with two pairs of headphones. she looked knowingly at him. 

“i don’t think i’m gonna need two.”

he laughed. “schatz, du bist in der formel 1 jetzt. ich sag dir aus erfahrung, du wirst zwei brauchen.” — darling you’re in formula one now. i’m speaking from experience when i’m telling you that you’ll need two

she had gotten an entire space for herself along with an office and she still had a good view of the entire garage, especially on both sides and the data analysts. 

after arranging her desk, that would become her new working space for the next few weekends, toto led her further down the garage again where a man and lewis waited for them. 

“aaliyah, new chief —“

“technical engineer?” bono completed for her. he held out a hand, “we’ve already heard a lot about you.”

“i hope only positive things.”

bono laughed. “believe me, this guy here,” he pointed to lewis, “does not shut up about you. and the new upgrades seem very promising. that’s some terrific work.”

she nodded, sending a small smile, that showed her gratitude. “so just to check, you are lewis’ race engineer. and george’s on the other side?”

“yep. but we all always work as a team together.”

lewis turned towards her. “have you already met the other drivers?”

“was i supposed to? i’m just here to win.”

toto let out a discreet sound, that highly ressembled a snort. “love the mindset already. exactly what we need.”

“happy to deliver. but now back to actual work,” she pulled out her laptop and showed them a board of different graphics surrounding the car. 

she showed them different designs and concepts of the car that involved her upgrades and how they were supposed to work. 

after they had finished going over every little adjustment she had made, the three men bid their goodbyes and went their separate ways. lewis still had to give some interviews before stepping into the car and toto was busy doing whatever team chefs were doing. it gave aaliyah some time to think of what was coming these next days. 

entering the bathroom, aaliyah instantly headed for the sinks and splashed some cold water over her face. she rubbed her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror. 

it felt like she was fading away, replaced by a stranger in the mirror. the reflection didn't belong to her anymore; it was as if a shadow self, with a life of its own, stood there instead. she could no longer see herself in the image before her, only a ghostly echo of what once was.

the woman in the mirror was not her. she embodied empowerment, confidence— a transformation. she was the newest chief technical engineer, a groundbreaking achievement as the youngest woman and first in mercedes’ history to hold that title. she felt every bit of that power and distinction. yet, the aaliyah in the mirror seemed like someone else entirely, a reflection separate from the person she believed herself to be. the aaliyah in the mirror was different to her. 

aaliyah wondered: did she also have that constant feeling of something nagging away her soul? if she also felt the kind of pain that led to itching on your entire skin? that aching kind of guilt that was capable of weighing like the entire world? 

aaliyah wondered, "did she too feel that ever-present gnawing at her soul? that relentless itch beneath the skin, that pain that bit and stung like a constant reopening scar? the guilt so heavy, it felt like the weight of the whole world?"

her therapist had already told her that she was suffering from survivor’s guilt. from living while another person found themselves buried six feet under. and there was nothing she could do except live his fucking dream as if it was hers. 

“you’re going to ace this. and you’ll be the fucking best. and you’ll prove to that bitch that you deserved to be her daughter.” 

whoever said that self-pep talks were a waste of time clearly never found themselves in a place where everything felt black and white. as aaliyah stepped out of the bathroom, a hint of color returned to her life—some of the confidence she'd lost after the accident. no, it wasn’t a waste of time at all.

but did she need these words? absolutely, she did. especially after her mother abandoned her, forcing her to practically disown herself. she truly did.

aaliyah had been completely lost in her thoughts, her mind going over the different upgrades she had added to the car that she did not see the person walking opposite to her. i mean who could blame her with all the commotion on the paddock? looking up and staring at everyone would be exhausting. 

she only looked up from the ground again when she was met with a vast chest acting like a wall and making her phone and office map fall down. 

“es tut mir so le— fuck, wrong language. i am so sorry,” aaliyah rambled, kneeling down to pick up all the papers that had fallen out, particularly those that had her sketches and designs for the car. 

“oh, it’s okay. nothing happened. let me help you,” he, as aaliyah could make out, joint her on the floor. she could make out a strong accent but couldn’t exactly place where it was from. somehow that felt like a relief— at least in meant, she would never have to see him again. 

he moved to pick up one of the several documents but aaliyah stopped him. 

“you really don’t have to help me, this was my fault.”

he shook his head and assembled the rest of the papers, handing them to her before standing up from the dirty asphalt. aaliyah rose to her feet again and used the split second she had to get a full look of the man in front of her. 

his dark blonde hair was hidden under a blue cap, matching the color of his shirt. to her, he appeared quite ordinary, much like any other man she had encountered here. however, his blue eyes immediately caught her attention—they were unmistakably familiar, and she was certain she had seen them before.

why did her mind always betray her at crucial moments like this? she had no idea. it’s like her own thoughts turned against her, and honestly, she was not surprised.

“you didn’t have to. i would have managed.”

“and get marched over by all the people here?” he pointed towards all the people around them, all going into different directions that made it look like complete chaos on the paddock. 

a small grin appeared on her lips. “but this was my fault anyway. i wasn’t looking where i was going.”

“i could say the same,” he smiled at her softly. god, he was charming, aaliyah thought to herself. “is your phone okay?”

right, her phone that had shattered on the ground. “yes, my phone is fine, no scratches,” she said, though it clearly wasn’t. she had no interest in continuing the conversation, especially with someone who, upon closer inspection, was clearly wearing red bull merch—an obvious sign of the enemy.

“that doesn’t look like it. i can see the display.”

she laughed nervously. “yeah, but that’s only my business phone. i literally never use it.” at least there was a hint of truth in that.

“okay, that’s a relief. but are you su—“

aaliyah shook her head, “yes, it’s perfectly fine. sorry again and hope you have a nice day.”

he chuckled. “you too. let’s hope you don’t bump into other people anymore.”

aaliyah turned around, not even facing him anymore as she mumbled a small “yeah let’s hope so.” 

she had to get away before any news outlets or paparazzis caught her talking with max verstappen. toto would definitely have her head. 

she had anticipated saturday to be a busy day but actually living and being a part of it was a whole other level. the changements she had made on the car, even though only minute, had brought noticeable changes to the car.  commentators had instantly noticed it during the first free practice sessions and fans had picked it up during the third one. but they didn’t connect her name to it yet. 

just as the data had predicted, the w14 was responding perfectly to the improvements, with lewis even telling them on his radio that he definitely felt quicker on the straights. and the tyre management had increased significantly too. 

however quali was not the same thing as free practice. which is why she nearly spent the entire night at the paddock, going over the car again. it had been toto who had forced her to leave after catching a light still being on at 2 am. 

toto couldn’t know that aaliyah drove herself tirelessly, haunted by a fear that sleep would pull her back into the wreckage of that accident, dragging her into a circle of guilt from which she never seemed to escape.

maybe she wasn’t as okay as she thought. but who could be with a gifted brain treated as a nuisance their whole life? aaliyah didn’t think anyone would be.

“you ready for your first qualifying?” lewis asked her as they stood at her desk, going over the latest data. 

aaliyah shrugged. “i’m not sure. i wouldn’t really describe it as nervous. i just really don’t want to fail.”

“well, you know my motto: still we rise. it’s okay to fall down once a while,” replied lewis.

she nudged him lightly although a small grin had showed up on her lips. “maybe but not on my first race. and now get into the car before your fans accuse me to have let you out too late. we need the data and a good position if we want to catch up to ferrari and those bulls.”

he lifted his hands in surrender. “understood, i’m already going.” 

her eyes followed him as she watched him walk away before sitting down correctly at her desk. the entire garage was buzzing from the upgrades working and with that recent development, they had put all eyes on them. everyone was now waiting for them to actually put their hard work to show where it actually mattered: qualifying. 

but she was proud, watching as the cars raced around the track, putting in best sectors. she had ordered for both george and lewis, to be firstly put on new mediums before switching back to the used soft. the same tactic had been used again, when both cars had gotten to q2. and now was the time for q3, where everything was decided. 

aaliyah wouldn’t describe herself as greedy but she desperately longed for that feeling of satisfaction if the cars qualified above p5. it would be a silent, unspoken confirmation that she wasn’t so out of place as she thought. 

“so lewis, we’re letting you and george out now to put a few laps down before we change tyres again to the used softs from q2 since we raced the fewest laps with them. that way we can have them for the race at the beginning,” aaliyah told lewis over the radio. 

“copy that.”

the two black cars exited the garage again and aaliyah moved her eyes back to the screen. the two red bull cars were already on the track and max verstappen had already done two purple sectors. something that was not so unusual anymore from what she had heard. 

george and lewis had done two laps before going back to the pit again, while aaliyah went over the gained data with the other analysts and strategists. she had already figured out that the trickiest part for the car was sector two, as it was there that the silver arrows were losing the most time. the goal was now to turn the wrong into the right. 

“sector one and three are looking good lewis, try to push more in sector two,” said bono over the radio. 

aaliyah also pushed the radio button. “and george, be careful. you already have track limits warnings.”

as the session unfolded, she watched with anticipation where the few changes they had taken from friday to saturday could leave them. she could see the way the two drivers were pushing the car to its limits and just like the rest of the mercedes staff, she held her breath when lewis and george were putting in their last times. 

“oh my god,” she let out and put a hand over her mouth. “p5 for george and…”

“p2 for lewis,” bono told her with a huge smile plastered on his face. the entire garage erupted into cheers and applause was heard from everywhere. “the upgrades are working brilliantly.”

toto walked over to them and engulfed aaliyah in a side hug. “p2, not bad for your first race. congratulations, you did amazing. those upgrades were incredible work.”

“but this wasn’t just my work, it’s the entire team that worked its ass off.”

“still, your upgrades made this possible. can’t believe we’re actually a threat on enemy’s territory.”

“but it does feel good,” added another voice and aaliyah turned to find george walking towards them, still in his race suit with his helmet underneath his arm.

she was caught off-guard when he also all of the sudden pulled her into a hug, his face still glistening with sweat. “the car felt amazing out there. we were actually competing for pole again.”

“like i said, this was all a team effort. and you and lewis did amazing out there,” she replied modestly, her face a mixture of relief and excitement. “tell me, is qualifying always this nerve-wrecking?”

“believe me, tomorrow will be twice as hard.”

toto sent her a reassuring smile. “it’ll be okay, you get used to it. and this is the perfect start for the first race after the big summer break here. so keep up the good work and this might be every weekend.”

“what are the chances for a win tomorrow?”

“well, those red bulls are basically space rockets. their speed on the straights is unmatched. but good strategy should bring us a double podium at least,” aaliyah explained. she looked at her watch again and then at george. “by the way shouldn’t you be giving out interviews?”

george waved dismissively. “they don’t mind me coming late. all the questions will probably be about you as our new engineering wizard.”

aaliyah rolled her eyes at his teasing undertone. “my only job is to make sure that the car looks good. i don’t know what’s there to be called magic.”

“maybe but seriously, the car felt fantastic. the upgrades really improved the tyre management and this new ground speed was definitely helpful during drs.”

did her ego grow twice now after hearing it from george? maybe not. but she could not deny that it didn’t feel good, hearing that her changes were successful. 

"glad to hear about that, g. now we just have to analyse sector 2 because that’s where we lose the  most seconds.”

he nodded and then leaned in, lowering his voice. “can i ask you something?”

“as long as it’s not a date.”

george gasped and looked at her with an overdramatic, offended expression. “you? never. and i love carmen too much.”

aaliyah grinned. “same, can’t wait to meet her. so what did you wanna ask?”

he lowered his mouth to her ear again. “you think you could make my car faster than lewis so overtaking him will become easier?”

“are you already gossiping without me? and i thought we had a mutual agreement concerning gossip,” a new voice called out and they turned to see lewis arriving, not in his racesuit anymore and with a drink in his hands. 

aaliyah smiled at him playfully. 

“it wasn’t anything important anyway. and congratulations for p2.”

“wouldn’t have been possible without you. the upgrades are fantastic.”

toto suddenly clapped his hands, drawing everyone's attention and interrupting them. "so, team, debrief in ten minutes and then strategy meeting for tomorrow. if we play our cards right, we can have our first win tomorrow.”

the ten minutes had only been sufficient for a small coffee break before they were expected again for the debrief. 

she felt proud of herself for achieving this accomplishment and making the car better but at the same time this nagging feeling she had experienced in the bathroom earlier had not truly gone away. 

specifically, after the debrief she could not stop thinking about what would happen if she failed or disappointed toto. she would have to go back to munich again, stuck in that hopeless circle of despair while trying to find her place in the world. these past weeks had given her a little taste of what she could belong to; what it felt like to have a whole safety net she could rely on again. 

losing it would crush her. 

that constant fear she carried around with her was also part of the reason, why even after the debrief was concluded, she stayed back to analyse some more data. george and lewis had asked her to join them for dinner but she had declined politely, wanting to perfect her work. 

that constant fear she carried was like an invisible tide, pulling her deeper into her work. even after the debrief ended, she lingered, absorbed in her data, as if trying to outpace the relentless current of her anxiety. george and lewis had invited her to dinner, but she had declined politely, wanting to perfection her work.

aaliyah wanted the small taste of victory she had gotten today to last and she needed to put the work behind it. especially because the world of f1 was harsh and critics were ruthless. so she allowed herself to savor the moment but always with the reminder that it could be over as quick as it had started. 

it was toto who had to drag her out of the office at way past eleven again. the sound of footsteps echoed in the empty corridor but aaliyah pushed it aside, assuming it was just security or cleaning services. she was too focused on her work, even though her body screamed tiredness, to comprehend what was going on around her. 

“you do know that in order to win, we need you alive right?” 

aaliyah turned around, a small yawn escaping and looked up to see toto standing in the doorway. his facial expression was a mix of concern and soft astonishment. 

“why are you asking that?”

toto shrugged, stepping into the room. “i’m just reminding you. i don’t need my newest chief technical engineer to die from lack of sleep. why didn’t you join george and lewis for dinner?”

she sighed, reluctantly closing her laptop. “i thought spending the evening with some data was more appealing than some pasta.”

“and you say you love pasta?”

aaliyah feigned a look of horror. "i adore pasta but work has priorities. there was still so much to do; like i worked on our strategies for tomorrow again and i think we could apply some of these things like,” she rummaged through all the papers on the table and handed toto a messy sketch.

“for a better airflow we could amply this. maybe that will help them during sector two because that’s always where we lost the most time. and then in case ferrari is going on a similar strategy, i have developed a plan e and f that i just have to go over with the strategy crew and bono. you know, since lewis is going second.”

toto nodded, clearly impressed but there was also concern across his face. “when was the last time you slept for more than five hours?”

as she thought about his question, toto snorted. “the fact that you have to think about it says enough. come on, i’ll drive you to the hotel.”

“but what about the other—��

“anything else can be done tomorrow,” he cut her off, grabbing a part of her things. “look aaliyah, i know the f1 world is harsh but there’s a balance between life and success. working yourself to death won’t do it. so how about you let that brain of yours rest a bit?”

“i’m not tired, i’m fine. sleep’s overrated anyway.”

toto threw a quick glance at the small trash bin where he could identify three empty cups of coffee. 

“but no sleep is not the goal. come on, let’s get going. don’t make me call eva.”

aaliyah rose an eyebrow. “why would you call eva?”

“she told me that in case you have one of your brain episodes, where you can’t stop overthinking, i should call her in case it becomes too much,” his eyes softened as he looked at her. “she cares about you. very much.”

aaliyah smiled softly. “she’s the closest thing i have to a family with gabriella and jan.”

“yeah, and the least i can do is bring you back in one piece to them. so come on, let’s get you to bed.”

she considered it, then smiled. "fine, this time you win.”

the two walked out of the garage together, the night air cool against their skin as they exited the paddock. the night sky was shining bright above them as they walked past all the other boxes, a small smile appearing on aaliyah’s lips when toto put a hand around her shoulder. 

tomorrow could definitely come now.

 

race day dawned bright and clear and announced itself early in the morning with aaliyah having to wake up at eight. so much for getting more sleep. but she had to admit that she had been tired — as soon as she had entered her room, she was knocked out. 

she couldn't even remember how she had gotten into her bed or when her head had touched the pillow, everything from last night was a blur. 

thinking back to yesterday and how there was a clear gap in her mind made aaliyah think back to another time she had lived too. when she was just that empty person with no aspirations or goals, lacking any kind of direction and just floating through life. 

her thoughts wandered back to when running the entire day on chemicals was the only way for her to survive. the only means to keep her from drowning in the weight of unrelenting expectations and emotions she was carrying with her. 

but that time was over — or at least she thought so it was her past. focus was now on the future and the race.

after the dutch national anthem had been performed, the drivers went back to the garage shortly before joining their teams and their cars on the starting grid. aaliyah’s eyes traveled around her surroundings as she walked towards the w14, all the stands blurring to a sea of orange. the dutch fans had turned up proudly in their home colors to support their hometown boy.

she was relieved but also a bit surprised to see toto beside her but shrugged it off and the two walked to george’s car first after sharing a small smile. 

“you here to give me a last few words?” george asked her playfully which had aaliyah roll her eyes. 

“i don’t know; do you need them?”

“well, i’ve already gotten my pep talk from carmen but a few last encouraging words have never hurted,” he replied. 

aaliyah patted him softly on the back. “well, russell george; i’m sure you’ll ace this. a few positions should be in the game for us. you just have to push.”

“copy that chef. thanks aaliyah,” they exchanged a last high five before she let toto talk with his driver and headed up to lewis’ car. 

next to his car was the glorious rb19, the rocketship she was desperately trying to beat and outmaster. since she didn’t want to look suspicious, however, aware of all the cameras around them, she quickly turned around, giving it a last glance before focusing on the black car in front of her. 

lewis was already seated in his car so she bent down to talk with him. 

“are you nervous?” the british world champion asked her once they exchanged small greetings. 

aaliyah shrugged. “a bit, it’s my first race. i don’t want to screw up by making a wrong choice. quali has nothing on actual race day.”

she didn’t know why but lewis somehow always understood her. they didn’t have to talk much or share many words to know what the other was thinking. 

aaliyah vermutete that it was because of their struggles, that were so similar, that made connecting to each other so much easier. 

“i remember my first one, i don’t think i even slept. i was so nervous and excited.”

“believe me, toto had to drag me out of here at half past one.”

lewis grabbed her hand in a comforting way. “hey, no matter what position i end up today, you did great. for the first time since 2022 i feel comfortable again in the car.”

she nodded reluctantly. “then let’s hope the car is ready for the next race. i want to experience a real win.”

“i’m sure we will be back in monza. maybe even get an actual win. but let’s focus on this race first.”

“indian on me if you make a podium.”

“already telling you now, thanks for dinner.”

aaliyah shook her head at him, a huge smile on her face, and walked back to the garage. after sharing a quick greeting with mick, she took her respective seat next to toto and focused her eyes on the screen in front of her. 

a quick glance at the time told her it was only one minute till the lights went out. one last round till it actually started. whether she succeeded or failed, the press would know her name by the end of the day. aaliyah still had to choose if that was a good or bad thing, the entire scrutiny she would be living under now. 

“now the magic happens,” whispered toto. 

the formation lap had ended and all the cars were in starting position. three lights had already gone out. 

“i hope i used the right spell.” the lights were finally out and with it, the race started. 

lewis managed to gain the lead in the first ten laps, overtaking max at the start, but it was clear to aaliyah, after a quick look at the data, that he wouldn’t be able to hold that position.

george on the hand seemed to do well with his mediums and had moved up to fourth place after overtaking charles leclerc. both drivers had been set on the same strategy to maximize the gains and maybe have a double podium so aaliyah left them some time, choosing against putting them. 

“how many seconds could we gain if we pit george now and try to undercut the norris?” toto asked her when the gap between george and norris came down to 3 seconds. 

“depends on how his tires are at the moment. for now, none of the top six have boxed yet,” she looked at george’s times and then at marcus, his race engineer. “tell him he can push a bit more and close the gap to norris.”

marcus looked at her with curiosity. “and when do you want to box him?”

“we will undercut the moment he is close enough to overtake. that way norris will push his tires and when he boxes, we box lewis too. that should stop an undercut on us.”

he nodded. “so plan c it is.”

aaliyah pressed the radio button for lewis. “so lewis, i just wanted to inform you that we’re going for plan c.”

“copy that.”

“how are your tires?”

“i still have grip so they’re okay. i can still last on them. by the way is the indian you promised me vegan?”

“i don’t know, i haven’t looked for a place yet. you have to win the podium first.”

“copy that.”

aaliyah looked down to hide her grin and rolled her eyes, clearly amused by lewis. 

just as she had predicted, mclaren did call in lando norris the moment they realized the undercut that had been performed on them. and it became even more unfortunate for them when they saw lewis being called in right after them for a set of hard tyres. 

the rest of the race went in their favor even if they couldn’t compete for the win. after they had completed the pit stop, lewis had regained second place again and george had moved up to third with the undercut clearly working. and the latter had created such a big gap afterwards to norris in fourth place, that it had given them an extra pit stop which they could use to box for soft tyres and chase after the fastest lap. 

so although max verstappen had still claimed victory on home ground, aaliyah wasn’t disappointed. it wasn’t happiness she was feeling; more like content. satisfaction to her avoidance of failure. 

and she could add gratefulness to it when she watched lewis and george on the podium steps, happily raising their trophies in the air. the cheers from the mercedes garage were deafening, the joy contagious as they celebrated their success. one could even think that it was them who had won. 

while the rest of the team went to greet the two drivers and get ready for the podium celebration, aaliyah stayed back. she had already congratulated lewis and george on the radio and could talk to them later after the prize giving ceremony. 

as she placed back her headphones, toto walked up to her. he smiled at her knowingly and without warning pulled her into a hug too. 

“you did great this weekend. this wouldn’t have been possible without your work.”

“this was teamwork. and it was just my first weekend. monza is going to be different.”

he smirked at her. “already memorizing the calendar?”

“i like to be prepared. i have to outsmart the competition.”

“and how do you feel? do you feel that rush?”

aaliyah nodded. “it’s like lewis told me. the whole reason this sport is so endearing is because it keeps you alive. like a drug.” 

she wished she had been addicted to that and not the whole chemical stuff she had snorted up her nose to feel alive. 

“yeah, it’s like that. man hat seine höhen und tiefen in diesem sport. aber deswegen ist es wert.” — you have your highs and lows in this sport. but that’s what makes it worthwhile.

aaliyah smirked. “i’m going to crush them. today was good, a sweet taste but i can do more; do better.”

toto patted her on her shoulder. “i’m excited for your future work.”

“it’s going to be brilliant.”

even though they had just celebrated another win, the vibe in the red bull garage was the complete opposite. it wasn’t sad in the garage — everyone was still buzzed and cheery because of the good weekend, but there was an air of caution also in the air. there was a distant taste of urgency in the air that had not been addressed yet but could not be ignored any longer. 

because now an actual threat, that they had thought could be ignored, had risen again. 

and christian horner wouldn’t be who he was if he hadn’t already thought about the measures they had to take to make sure to stay on the top. he had watched the race data repeatedly, analysed it again after the podium ceremony and each time, it worried him more when he looked at the times from the mercedes cars.

the rb19 had been the quickest car on the grid again but the margin to the other teams became smaller and smaller, each race that passed. and somehow mercedes had done an incredible jump and had even surpassed the ferraris, concerning closing the gap to them. they may still have their rocketship but it was clearly looking like mercedes was making the transformation from jet to rocketship too. 

taking a deep breath, his eyes travelled the room before they finally fell on the winner from today’s race and sergio perez, his second driver. both had already finished with their media commitments and horner motioned for them to follow him into his office. the two drivers followed, both clueless about what had their boss not enjoy the victory party. 

his office was neat, clean and strictly organized. nothing was out of place and no item that stood in his pristine office was not without a reason in its place. trophies, helmets and photographs could all be seen in the background, either on shelves or hung on the wall. max and sergio both took a seat and looked at christian expectantly. 

the red bull principal shut the door before joining them at his desk. he let out a sigh. “so. i hate to bring this up now, especially after such a fantastic and productive day but i fear there’s no path to escape what is coming.”

“is something wrong with the car?” asked checo. 

“not in that way. however mercedes have apparently gotten their things back together because the upgrades they’ve brought are working,” he explained to them. “we got off the hook today as i think they didn’t want to risk a few grid penalties but monza could become difficult.”

max let out a small scoff. “we have the best car on the fucking grid. and who cares if we don’t always win with a one-lap-gap. as long as we win and win the constructor’s championship, everything is fine. it’s too late for them too catch up.”

“but they were incredibly strong today. things could have gone slightly different today. they were not playing and from what the data shows me, their ground speed has improved a lot too. they are catching up and quick,” he argued frustratedly.

max shrugged, not really seeing what there was to worry about. because even if the car wasn’t the best anymore, he was still the best driver and he didn’t need the fastest car to win. he was capable of winning with the second fastest car; he had done it before. “we’ve got adrian. and hannah is also the best. we are still unbeatable and the championship is practically decided too.”

“but we shouldn’t ignore that we can’t race too comfortably anymore,” checo replied, agreeing with christian. 

“exactly. something is telling me that these next races are going to be tough. today wasn’t just luck for mercedes.”

max leaned back in his seat. “okay, and what do you want us to do?”

christian looked between the two drivers. “i know that mercedes brought a new chief technical engineer on board.”

checo nodded. “yes, lewis did mention something about a new engineer and the ideas had been her idea. apparently she’s the one making a difference there.”

“and i want you two to spy a bit on them and see what you can find out. find her, try to talk to her. i’ve never heard of her so she must be new to the sport which means she’s also more prone to making mistakes.”

checo spoke up. "but we don’t want this to become another spygate."

“of course not. i’m not saying, find her and instantly bombard her with question. be subtle and smart about it,” he turned towards max. “use your charm. maybe she’ll slip something. from what i saw, she’s young.”

he was still very displeased with the idea but gave in at last. “fine, i’ll see what george could tell me amybe. but i don’t really think this is necessary.”

“maybe we’re overreacting but from what i heard, they want to bring in another set of upgrades to monza and if those work, the victory might as well be theirs.”

“don’t worry we got this.” they reassured him before leaving the office to join the festivities outside again. christian watched them go and leaned back in his chair. while he had deep trust in max and checo, some things had to be done alone. especially in formula one, where everyone was a shark, holding out their nose for the smell of fresh blood. 

off the track, they may all be friendly with each other but on it— that was the hunting ground and playing nice ended in nothing. no one could truly succeed by always playing by the book. those were the risks that made the sport so thrilling and alive. 

digging was only the first of the things he would be doing to get behind whatever mercedes were planning. getting his hands dirty was the least of his worries if it meant staying on top. it’s only too bad, that the same truth that brought him to the top could get her six feet under.

[luckycharms1701]

*comes sliding into your inbox and excitedly crashes you into a tight bear hug*

OMIGOSH CAPTAIN KIRSTEN YOU’RE BACK! How are you sweet thing!? I’m so glad to hear that your request box is open again! I’m so excited to see what wondrous words you’ll dazzle us with next!

I just had the most splendiferous like EVER, and I can’t believe I hadn’t thought about it sooner. But you like Peepaw Leo right? And I like Peepaw Leo.

So I was thinking like you know…maybe if you’re feeling up for it (if and only if of course) you wouldn’t mind sharing your thoughts on how F!Leo would react to someone who’s generally super amiable and confident with all the other and resistance members, suddenly turns almost painfully polite an awkward around him. (This is legit how I act around people who I think are attractive) It happens so much to the point that he thinks they don’t him when in reality, they like him so much it flusters them to the point they don’t know how to act around them.

Basically I just wanna see how a “mature” Leo would act when he realizes someone likes him so much they can’t function ����

Once again, this is just an idea to get those creative juices flowing, so please do with it as you so wish and remember that you’re a darling treasure! MWUAH 😘🧡✨

anon-chan!!! hello!!! 🫂🫂🫂 i’m so glad to see you in my inbox!!!

congratulations anon-chan! this is officially the most difficult request that has ever been asked of me. i’ve spent weeks trying to figure this out. started writing a little fic, but it didn’t feel right. so i thought maybe i could do some headcanons, but every time i tried to start i didn’t know where to start!

the problem i’m having is variables. there are so many variables for how this could turn out, mostly depending on timing. when exactly during the resistance does this happen? because i feel like that informs leo’s response. so have some of my unfiltered thoughts. a peek into how i “organize” my writing thoughts, if you will. i’m sorry in advance

Early 20s: This Leo is still confident and optimistic, at least outwardly. He and his brothers defeated Shredder twice, how hard can the Kraang be? Sure, they need some help and it’ll take longer, but it’ll definitely work out in the end and life will resume as normal. Right?

So I imagine that Leo at this age would see you suddenly pulling away and acting formal with him and get upset at first. He thought you were friends, why are you doing this? He would likely reciprocate or get snippy, at least until one of his brothers, probably Mikey but possibly Raph, comes to him and is like “Dude. Come on.” Give the guy a break, there’s a lot going on you know??? So at his brother’s suggestion, he sits back and observes.

When he finally confirms for himself that you do, in fact, have feelings for him and that’s why you’re being standoffish with him, watch out! This little shit is going to make you suffer a bit. He’s going to start flirting with you. Lots of compliments, little winks, soft touches… You will be inundated.

Something changes. Perhaps they lose their biggest battle to date. Perhaps someone close to him dies. Perhaps it is Casey Jr’s birth. Any way it plays out, Leo realizes that life is shorter than it seems, that love is precious and fleeting and should be grasped. He realizes that his teasing may be a little more… genuine on his side than he’d realized.

So he comes to you. Perhaps he goes full ham, arranges a romantic meeting somewhere, plans a dinner. Perhaps you end up in danger, and he goes a little crazy about it. Perhaps it is just a quiet moment that the two of you manage to steal. Either way, he tells you how he feels.

Late 20s/Early 30s: Now here is a Leo who is starting to realize that they might be in over their heads. He’s lost at least one member of his family. He’s watched them steadily lose ground to the Kraang, despite everyone giving their best effort. He is starting to understand that they might not win this fight. At this point he’s probably learned how the Kraang came to our world and that he played a part in their arrival.

This Leo is overwhelmed, but still holding strongly to hope. He’s determined to do everything in his power to keep morale up. That’s why he notices immediately when you seem to start pulling away from him. He takes it a little personally at first. Yeah, maybe he’s not as fun as he used to be, but he’s trying to run a resistance here, that’s no reason to give him the cold shoulder. He resolves to approach you about it.

Something changes. Perhaps he notices you give him a sidelong glance. Perhaps someone teases you and he overhears. Perhaps he sits you down for that talk and you confess. He learns why you are so standoffish, and suddenly he has a choice to make.

Leading a resistance is a 24/7 job. He has no time for anything, especially when he has so much to make up for. Does he even deserve the sliver of happiness you’re offering him? And there’s the niggling thought in the back of his head that everything is futile anyway, that they’re going to lose and you’re going to die.

But if there’s one thing he’s learned out of all of this, it’s that life is short. He doesn’t want to die with regrets, and he knows he would regret not taking this chance. And he wants to give you what happiness he can, you deserve that. Wouldn’t it be a little “fuck you” to the Kraang, to find some peace in the midst of the chaos they (he) created?

He goes for it. He takes the risk, jumps in feet first, and tells you how he feels.

Late 30s: Leon. Oh Leon. He holds onto hope fiercely, with both hands, but he can’t, he won’t, keep any of it for himself. He understands implicitly that even if by some miracle they win, he’s not going to survive this fight.

He’s going to notice immediately when your behavior changes, when you get stiff with him. He keeps his finger on the pulse of everyone close to him, pays attention so that he can help them if they start to flag. It won’t take long for him to pull you aside, to ask you if everything is okay, if you need a break.

He’s going to figure it out, whether because you admit it to him or through context clues. He’s had years to hone his considerable talent in understanding people, his preternatural ability to know what they want with a glance.

He’s going to figure it out, and he’s going to do… nothing. As long as there’s the tiniest chance that you could survive this, he refuses to tie you to a corpse. Besides, he has been thinking up a plan, a last ditch effort, and maybe you could be the one to put it into action…

Your death hits him like a freight train. His own is a relief.

~~~

head bonks: @yorshie @avery73 @justalotoffanfiction @thejudiciousneurotic @writinandcrying @xnorthstar3x @celticvix @donniesgirlie @gornackeaterofworlds @thelaundrybitch @shakeyourtrees

[soscarlett1twas]

Midnight Church Bells

↳ Andrew and his brother sneak out. ↳ 2k words / also available on ao3! ↳ This fic is literally a year old lmao?? I was sorting through docs and found this finished draft, so I polished it a bit and here we are. Please forgive past me if the prose is... how we say 'shit'.

The holidays always snuck up on Andrew the same - sudden and unwelcome, but inevitable. This year, he’d been too invested in his studies, and, surprisingly, his own love life to notice much of withering leaves or decorations, but when he turned on the radio and heard those familiar jingles, he groaned in recognition. 

Really, it was none of those things (despite how much he did tire of those songs) that bittered Christmas for him. It was the fact that once the break started, his family would come calling. And despite all protests, his parents would never let him stay at college during the advent. 

“It’s time for the Lord.” His mother’s voice lifted through the phone he propped up on his dashboard. “And family,” she added after a moment. He resisted the urge to slam his head against the steering wheel, instead opting for biting his tongue. The one time his parents didn’t want him studying. 

Her saying that added to the sting of the season. And family. It seemed that this was the only time of year where that was on her mind. 

Which all led him to the same spot he was every December 24th: Sitting on his childhood bed, with whatever book he was currently reading in his hands, and classical music playing from his phone. 

Reclining into his pillow, Andrew lifted his glasses off and put them on the bedside table, a thumb folding the wings as the other worked as a bookmark. 

Yet he didn’t close his eyes. For one of those brief moments in life, he wasn’t thinking, or sleeping, or doing really anything at all. He was just there, in a limbo between sleep and consciousness, hoping that if he purposely derived himself the next day wouldn’t come as quickly.

And he stayed like that for 5 minutes. Or maybe it was 10, or maybe no time passed at all. But eventually he gave in to rest. No matter what, the morning would come and he’d rather not fall asleep during the already tedious sermons in church. So he set an alarm, put his book on the nightstand, and laid down.

He closed his eyes, and it was like he could hear the ringing already. 

Maybe he did.

A soft patter-ing rang just outside his door, the familiar sound of footsteps on carpet blotting the silence. And just as he was about to roll over, Andrew heard his door creak open, and the silhouette of a man leaned into the room. 

“Want to go on a walk?” He whispered, twinged with a sense of boredom. 

Andrew didn’t even need to turn to know who was asking. “Give me a moment,” he sighed, and motioned to push himself off the bed. 

—

“How did you know I was awake?” Andrew asked, still pulling his overcoat over his arms. 

“Your light was on, I saw it through your door.” His brother responded, turning off their driveway onto the sidewalk. He was slightly ahead of Andrew, but slowed a bit so that they were walking together. 

A cloud of mist formed from his breath as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, pulling the coat closer to himself to save some of his last remaining body heat. A near-midnight flit wasn’t what he had planned, but he’d prefer it than trying to sleep. Besides, this may be the only quality time he could spend with his twin during the break. God knows the time they’ve spent at college has already distanced them enough. 

“So,” he huffed, searching for a topic of conversation. “How have you been?” 

“Fine. Uni’s been beating my ass though - we spent practically the entire week leading up to the holidays in the lab, just sweating over our assignments. Jesus, I’m not even a Biochem major but Chemistry is just not letting up.”

It had been years since he was in a lab, but with the track he was on, he got the stress with ‘crunch time’. “I understand. I’ve recently had to rush a project for my Literary Theory course.” 

“What do you even do in that class?” He questioned, half serious, half mocking. 

“Analyze texts, find out how the culture of the author influenced their works.” He could go on: Literary Theory was one of his favorite classes, no matter how rigorous the course was, but he knew his brother wouldn’t care to hear the details. 

Winding down their street, the two carried on talking about academia with a partial interest, not fully understanding either’s field of study but trying to be supportive anyways. Soughing wind bent branches to a static beat as they approached the neighborhood's egress. By and by they were talking about the more social aspects of their schooling: Andrew’s literature club, the parties either rarely attended, his brother’s friends.

“How has your roommate been?” Andrew asked, kicking a rock under his shoe and watching it roll along the concrete. 

“Good.” He sighed out a laugh. “He’s great, actually.”

Andrew glanced over to his brother, and if the slight warmth in his voice wasn’t enough, the red on his cheeks told him everything he needed to know. He chuckled too, and gave a soft nudge on his shoulder, making them both smile. 

In a weird way, they never needed to tell eachother about any of this stuff. Equal parts the awkwardness that surrounded telling your sibling, your twin of all people, who you were interested in and an unspoken alliance against their parents had kept them from ever openly speaking it. But Andrew knew his brother was into guys ever since they were teens, he just didn’t know if his brother had caught on to his own preferences yet.

The stone made a sharp sound as it drifted over to his brother, who promptly kicked it back to Andrew with the inside of his shoe. 

“Helios, right?” 

His brother hummed in response. 

His mind trailed to the man at his college, the one who he had desperately wanted to introduce to him, and found himself grinning at the mere thought. God, he hoped Isaac would like his brother. 

He opened his mouth, then shut it quickly. What would he even say? He trusted his brother, but to come out was something entirely different, and with Christmas just around the corner? No, he’d wait. Right after, though, he’d tell him. Andrew silently swore it to himself. 

“Honestly, I prefer the dorms to the house.” 

That snapped Andrew out of his thinking. “Really?” 

“Yeah.” He stopped abruptly, and threw his arms out in exasperation. “Isn’t it suffocating to you too?” 

Everytime he was in his room, Andrew could only remember the sleepless nights he spent hunched over and studying. The dining table was a barrage of moments he spent silent as his parents and brother fought. The living room was a danger zone, as he never wanted to catch his parents when they were disappointed in his brother, or worse, him. The whole house could burn down and the only memories that would go with it were the most futile. Worse was, even without flames, Andrew felt like he wadded through smoke every time he was in those walls.

He silently nodded his head. His brother just stared at him, as if he wanted voice confirmation. But how can one speak up against the pyre when its fumes had already scorched his vocal cords? 

After a moment, his brother kept walking, and Andrew followed. “I contemplated not coming back this winter.” He muttered.

“As did I.” Andrew responded, suddenly getting his voice back. 

“What could you possibly be avoiding?” 

A million and one answers filled his head, but none escaped him - no matter what he said, not a single one would measure up to his brother's reasons. So why even bother trying to compare? 

His twin huffed as he turned away, suddenly gaining some distance on Andrew, and he let him keep it. 

For a while, the only sound they made was their shoes against concrete sidewalks and the crunch as they occasionally had to step into snow. Andrew brought his hands up to his face, cupping them to breathe and warm himself up. Normally he kept gloves in his pockets, just in case. But, of course, he just had to forget them tonight. His fingers combed through his hair, forcing him to look straight ahead at his brother's back. Again, he bit his tongue. But wasn’t that what had gotten him into this situation, unintentionally pushing his brother away by not talking? He didn’t understand it, but only continuing the cycle wasn’t going to help anything. 

So he opened his mouth, just in time to slam right into his brother. 

He stumbled, but his brother didn’t flinch. Or even look at Andrew. His eyes remained trained to the tree line, frozen in place. 

Regaining his footing, Andrew tried again. “Dar-“

“Stop.” He whispered.

“No, D-“  

“Shut up, Andrew, just listen.” 

So he did. 

For a few seconds, he didn’t hear anything. His eyes fell where his brother’s were focused, though without his glasses, the details were fuzzy. 

Then, a distant chime hit his ear. 

More followed. 

A symphony of church bells rang, each peal like a glimmer in the air. 

Andrew knew they rang the bells at midnight every Christmas Eve, though he couldn’t remember the last time he had heard them. During mass, he could imagine it would be unbearable. But from here? The sound was quite pleasant. 

As the bells continued, the twins stood there, listening to it all. Andrew was the first to tear his eyes away from the church he couldn’t see, glancing over at his brother through the corner of his eye. It was the first good look he had gotten at him in a long time. 

Andrew hadn’t realized how short a decade was. Though in context of anything else, the last ten years of his life had dawdled. But with his brother? It was like the blink of an eye. One moment they were running and laughing, a mirror image of one another - even the Christmas’ were tolerable. Fun, even. The next, blooming into adulthood - mimics of who they used to be.

In fact, the longer he looked at him, Andrew realized just how much his brother had changed. His hair had definitely grown, locked into a short ponytail that hung low with swooping bangs, and he made the full switch to contacts some time ago. He even got taller, and next to Andrew, he was a lofty inch or two higher. Though that could also be accredited to the boots he wore. (Ashamed to say, Andrew didn’t remember when or how he got them. They certainly weren’t a gift from their parents, but did his brother even have a job to afford them?) He was more muscular, which wasn’t saying much compared to Andrew, but he was certainly leaner. The man never made a mention of continuing his secondary school athletics, but maybe he did as an extracurricular? Again, Andrew was straining to remember specifics. Though, he supposed any reason to play was now null, as originally it was a brilliant excuse to come home late without his parents accusing him of deviancy. 

But he wasn’t too alien to him. There was something still familiar to him, like flecks of gold shining through, no matter how small. After all, they began to sneak out when they were fourteen and are still doing it now. There must be something that still connected them. 

Right?

Just as he had that thought, he missed his brother's pass, and the pebble went flying into a curb. 

They walked in silence for a while longer, bells fading to the wind. Eventually they found themselves back on their driveway, and their silence became deafening as they lightened their footsteps. God knows what their parents would do if they found out they had been out so late.

They followed one another up the stairs, crossed the same hallway, and went to rooms adjoining. There was a time they shared one, but that was before they had moved. 

Andrew slipped open his door, the knob turning slowly as to mute itself. As he slipped in, he turned half-way to see his brother doing the same.

His brother looked up, catching his gaze. 

Andrew saw himself in the reflection of his eyes. They were bitter, burning with… not rage. But a violent form of disappointment. 

Andrew was the center of it. And he could smell the smoke wafting. 

[ovaryacted]

A little announcement cause I have to be real with y’all.

I’m not going to lie, I’ve been on the precipice of getting overwhelmed not just with writing but with my life as a whole. I’m falling behind at work with assignments that keep piling up and the past two weeks have just been a mess that derailed me. So I’ve been doing damage control trying to restart and get reorganized before it gets out of hand.

There are only 24 hours in the day, most of that time is spent working at my job and I work a busy and time consuming legal job where I can’t fuck around and scroll. I usually do that on my lunch break and disappear for the rest of the day, and now I’m picking up somebody else’s slack cause they quit, so their workload is going to be transferred to me, which is a lot as it is.

When I get home, it’s more stuff I have to deal with. I don’t always have time for myself. I live with my family who lack boundaries and who constantly need me so I’m always doing something for them (eldest daughter curse). I cover bills and expenses here and I’m usually forced to interact with extended family on the weekends so I don’t always get to enjoy them or use those two days productively to write. My household is noisy, my upstairs toxic ass neighbors aren’t helping, and overall rent is so godamn high in my city I can’t move out on my own unless I live with roommates or fuck somebody’s rich daddy for a $50k down payment on an apartment (and I just might).

Somehow, with everything I just said, I still need to find the time to make meals for myself, exercise, be social, invest in my hobbies (writing being the main one), and prep to work on applications for law school which is a year long process starting with taking the law school entrance exam that I have to ace. And of course, dodging seasonal depression is the biggest thing, cause when it’s bad, it’s bad.

All of that being said, I just don’t have enough time to write as quickly or eloquently as I want. I’m the most productive at 12 am - 3 am, but staying up late to write all the time when I need to be up in 5 hrs for work isn’t healthy. I’m not the fastest writer or reader, and I take writing seriously and passionately despite it being a hobby because I want it to be good, because I want people to enjoy it, and because I want to make myself proud since this is something I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve never half-assed my work, and I don’t want to start now nor am I making excuses, but things are getting hectic for me. I mean, I’m falling behind on WIPs, I’m falling behind on interactions, I’m falling behind on reading fics I want to read and finishing projects I’ve been planning for a while. I legit cried yesterday cause I was getting frustrated with a WIP I’m working on. If that’s not sign enough I gotta chill and not think this is all a race, then the next time it hits me I’ll crash out. It’s just a lot.

So, if you see me not being as active in the next couple of weeks or this month, don’t get worried, I’m probably still writing but I just gotta focus and tackle some shit first before bouncing back. For my mutuals who have me on here or discord, you can send me posts you want me to see since I have my notifications off (I promise I’m not ignoring you). I’ll be actively working on the pieces I have for challenges from August & September, and I’m forcing myself to finish them this month if I can.

I don’t want to get burnt out like I did last year, because I enjoy writing and I love doing this, but I just need to find that balance again cause I lost it. I’ll be in and out on here. 🫶

[bloodredfountainpen]

@juneofdoom day one:

“Help me” | failed escape | on the run | fetal position

Contains/CW: pet whump, bbu adjacent, institutionalized slavery, self dehumanization, failed escape, cuts, broken bone (arm), delirium, reference to torture

Original part here

——————————————————————————

Master Liam screwed up.

That was the thought that rang through G-22985’s mind as he stared at the other end of his leash, the latch hanging off its hook. He could just leave, there was nothing stopping him from just walking off, nothing to stop him from running away.

He knew that Master Liam wouldn’t be back for hours, so he entered the trailer, which wasn’t allowed, but Master Liam wasn’t there to stop him, and he needed to do something about his many, many, open wounds. He painfully disinfected and then bandaged the cuts, then fastened a makeshift split around his broken front paw. Master Liam had smashed it with a hammer the other day as punishment for… something. G-22985 didn’t actually remember, but that was probably because of how much Master Liam liked to hit him in the head, which made his memory quite fuzzy at times.

Maybe I am just a stupid animal.

That thought crept into G-22985’s head as he tended to his wounds, even as he stood up on his hind paws for the first time in months and adored it, a voice at the back of his mind screamed at him that he was being bad.

Finally, after doing all he could for his injuries, G-22985 hesitantly crossed the threshold and headed into the woods.

——————————————————

As if the skies themselves were scolding the runaway Pet, it had done nothing but rain for days. G-22985 didn’t know how long he’d been away, but he knew it had been at least a couple days, because the sun had set and risen more than once. He’d spent his time hiding under a rocky overhang trying to stay conscious. Despite the throbbing in his forepaw and all over his body, all of that was worth it, because it had been days since Master Liam had beaten him, a new record.

In a rare moment of strength, G-22985 found a sharp stone and began to saw away at his leather collar.

I… need… help, thought the runaway Pet. Once the collar finally snapped, he deliriously stumbled out of his shelter and headed toward civilization. The rain soaked through his fur and thin clothes as he struggled to stay upright. Tremors racked his body as he fought what he suspected was a raging fever, but still, he needed to keep moving.

What should I say if I find someone?…

‘I’ve run away from my Master and I need help?’…

They’d send me back to Master Liam, I’ll never eat again…

Shit, it hurts…

Everything hurts.

“Hey, hey you! Pet! Where’s your owner?”

Was… someone talking to G-22985? He looked around, vision blurred, and spotted a pair of hikers approaching him.

“Please, help me,” he managed to slur out before falling to his knees and losing consciousness, the last sensation was indistinct shouting and an unfamiliar hand on his head.

————————————————————————

G-22985 lay curled up where he’d started his misadventure. His bandages and splint had been confiscated, and new bruises adorning his skin. Shouting emanated from the trailer. Master Liam’s boss was in there with him, and G-22985 almost felt bad for Master Liam, who was having a new asshole torn by his graying superior. Almost. The words “more trouble than it’s worth” echoed clearly, and G-22985 knew he was done for.

When the white clad ModiPets employees came for the nearly catatonic Pet, he didn’t try to fight back. He didn’t try to run, to beg, even to cooperate. He let himself be dragged into the van by his collar, but when he arrived at the facility, he wasn’t met with lethal injection or a fatal dose of electricity. Instead, he was met with a haggard middle aged woman holding a cattle prod.

“What, you did you you’d get off that easily? No pup, the mercy of death isn’t something we spare for defects like you. I’m going to break those delusions of personhood you have in that fluffy little head of yours, and I’m going to build you back up into the perfect Pet. Prepare to become a whole new dog, mutt.”

Tag list (I have one of those now! Even tho it’s just the one person, I’m honored). @maenr

[blazingstar29]

I found love

First cab off the rank for the icemav song series! I Found by Amber Run from @qedart. (Do y'all want these on ao3?)

cw: inexplicit period typical homophobia

--

I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be

Fear doesn’t set in for some years, despite how uncertain they were at first. No, Tom is never scared of his love for Maverick. But it’s only as his sister gets engaged and his cousin has a baby that he comes to a chilling realisation that he’s of the age where he needs to shed his bachelor personality and take a desk position, get married, and have kids. 

And he would love too, he’d love to do all those things. Except he can’t, not without killing his soul in the process.

Because he’d love to get married – to Maverick. He’d love to come home – to Maverick. He’d love to have kids – with Maverick. 

But he can’t marry Maverick. He can’t always come home to Maverick. He can’t have kids with Maverick. 

How unfortunate that the man so many people are convinced is cold and heartless has so much love, only for it to be forbidden. Denied. Disgraced. 

Love was meant to be for the daughter of an Admiral or a banker or someone. So long as she was a daughter. Love wasn’t meant to be found in his rival, his competitor, his wingman. His Maverick. 

Fear instils itself in him. It makes him hold his breath every time the topic of relationships comes up around his family, waiting for the questions. It’ll be harder to maintain the it’s hard to court from an aircraft carrier when he inevitably takes a desk position. Sooner or later his mother will want her son to have children, a daughter in law to talk wallpaper with. 

—

And i’ll use you as a makeshift gauge of how much to give and how much to take

Pete spent his entire life asking the universe questions and never waiting long enough for an answer. How long can he go before breaking into the turn? How much more can the air boss take? 

He’s spent his entire life pushing it, right on the edge of the envelope. Higher, faster. More often than not it’s worked out, somehow. But he fails, falls, just like everyone. Each time he seems to land into the grounder harder than before. Like the universe is sending him a message. 

Stop.

But he never listened, never paid attention. Didn’t take any hints from the universe on when to slow down. Not until Tom Kazansky showed up, an ever present speedometer that reminds him to break, to eat and sleep.

—-

Tom’s father dies when he’s thirty seven and it stops the questions for a while. A part of him feels guilt, or is regret, that his father never saw him  become a father. At the wake his mother takes by the hand into the garden and cups her hand on his cheek. 

She smiles up at him sadly, but hopeful. 

“Love that boy who sat in the back,” she whispers quietly. “You’re free now.” 

—

 Pete’s spent so long being told to give in, to relent to the pressure, the expectation. To slow down, follow orders, stay on the straight and narrow. He’s spent so long hearing it that sometimes he forgets to find the accelerator, to pour his all, to give his everything. 

Before the first dark star test flight Tom holds his hand through the fire repellent gloves on the long walk out to the flight line in the middle of the Mojave desert. 

“Nervous?”

He looks at Tom through his helmet. A view they’ll share in this exact spot more than once. 

“I’m about to ask an experimental aircraft to go Mach 5.”

Tom takes him by the shoulders and gets as close to Pete’s face shield as he dares. “I know so many people including myself have told you to slow down, to stop, to think, to change course. And something I’ve rarely told you is to hurry up.” Move your ass, get up here! I’m engaged with five. Repeat five. I’m in deep shit! “You are the only one who can push it up there the way you do.”

“But what if–”

“I want you to come home tonight. But Mav, I know you. I know you’ve been told to give in, give up all your life. It’s time for you to take. Push it, because you can.” 

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at work:

So, I have a couple of…catch phrases? Things I say often in standard conversations, either to get a laugh or set the tone for any further interaction.

1) Nothings on fire, no one died. (Literally had a fire break out on a job site while I was in construction, gas installation so it honestly could have blown the entire house The Fuck Up but honestly whe cares about a rose bush a few irises, and a separate incident where one of my plumbers had a massive heart attack on the job site…) so when I honestly say, nothing is on fire and no one died, it’s a good day, I really actually mean it, even though it’s a funny quip

2) There was no blood or broken glass. (I’ve been in exactly two car accidents that were legitimately bad. Plenty of fender benders that I have been the cause of, but only two actual accidents where there paramedics were called. Both times I was sitting in the passenger seat and got t boned by the oncoming car…on the passenger side. I’m legit lucky as fuck that I never broke a bone…) so when I say there was no blood or broken glass, I’m legit thankful for the fact that no one needs stitches or an ambulance. Even though it’s a funny quip.

3) I’m here, I’m clean, I’m caffeinated, that’s all you get. (Depression is real, I fucking hate having to need two jobs. I like both of them, but the ONE DAY OFF I get to myself it’s just spent catatonic in bed, my house is a disaster, I am very much not okay despite continuing to function in modern society…) so when I say you’re welcome for doing the bare minimum of care, you really should be grateful that I even did the bare minimum, because I guarantee you, I Absolutely Did Not Want To. I half assed the absolute shit out of self care, so it’s not just “your welcome that I’m clean” it’s more like your welcome that I let the electric toothbrush run through its full setting, that I actually washed my hair today, put deodorant on, and deliberately washed my bras so that I could pick a clean one this morning. The time I used to spend putting on makeup is now my “mental prep for work lay down session” and it’s literally just getting up at the exact same time but laying back down after my shower instead of being excited about putting on my corporate war paint.

I’m tired in my very soul and I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m really good at finding joy in small things, little moments, good pranks, but I just can’t find MYSELF right now and it’s frustrating because I haven’t had any good prank ideas.

I feel like I got dropped off of a ship or pier or something, with financial responsibility being my concrete galoshes, and ever time someone in my friend group wants to contact me I’m crippled by how bad my house looks, I’m too embarrassed by my living room, to say yes.

I know I need to, I know I need to reach out. I just need to find the right words.

[gothicwidowsworld]

Don’t fuck it you muppet L.N

“I’m scared…” the man admitted, ashamed, his declaration lacked his usual cocky confidence but it was pure honesty. “I’m scared I’m going to fuck up.” The man spoke again, still uncertain but gaining courage. 

“Your Uncle Carlos told me to not fuck it up…. “Don’t fuck it you muppet.”” Lando laughed quietly at his awful attempt at the Spaniards accent, “Although I probably shouldn’t use that sort of language around you. Your Mummy would have my head.” Lando added teasingly, his denby azure eyes settling on the woman in question. Even after all these years just looking at Y/N made his heart flutter. She was wearing an extremely old Carlin team t-shirt, she looked so natural and at ease. A Goddess among mortals honestly. Even now he didn’t understand how he got so lucky with her, they’d met in the Karting World years before, back when Y/N towered over Lando and regularly showed the Tanned Brit what losing felt like. She’d been loud and mouthy in a lovable sort of way, even giving Oliver a run for his money at times. 

The soft chatter stopped abruptly as the y/h/c young woman shuffled & shifted, the mid January sunbeams that had managed to break its way through the cracks in the curtains trying to desperately ease the woman out of her much needed slumber. “Norris close the curtains.” the y/h/c woman mumbled gently, snuggling deeper into the pillow, swatting at the man’s usual position beside her, blindly hoping the driver heard her and took pity on her utterly shattered body. The rough start to motherhood was still taking its toll on Y/N, despite the long nights the young couple had spent pouring over parenting advice books, the parenting courses, the inner circle of family support the y/h/c young woman was still wiped out. 

The golden rays of sun refused to let y/n return to slumber. Perhaps a subtle message to not miss out on this small moment, fighting the urge to close her eyes Y/N turned to face the man. But instead her y/e/c orbs focused in on a sight that she’d only been able to dream of in the past couple of months, it felt like she’d waited a lifetime to witness this moment and it was just a random Tuesday morning. Lando resting against the headboard, donning mismatching socks and joggers, tanned chest on full display cradling the small life they’d managed to create. In that moment the failed five year plan, horrendous morning sickness, 17 hour labour and general pregnancy blues seemed so worth it. “Morning.” Lando whispered a reddish blush filling his cheeks at the prospect of being caught singing the anthem to his anxieties aloud. But even then the Brit couldn’t help small twitches of his upper lip as he tried to bite back a content dopey grin. Slowly Lando raised the hand that wasn’t holding newborn close, reaching out to brush the strand of y/h/c hair that had managed to escape from Y/N’s now messy ponytail out of her face. 

“Did I miss her crying?” The y/h/c woman asked concern lacing her tired voice, trying to sit up despite the lingering post-labour pain. Shaking his head Lando replied reassuringly, his voice soft and low trying not to disturb the sleeping new born, “No no I was just up early.” 

‘How are you feeling?’ Y/N could hear the apprehensive concern partnered with his words, Lando had watched all night, an undeniable sense of guilt hitting him each time Y/N winced in her sleep, the y/s/c woman still unable to find any comfort. There wasn’t much the Driver could do, but that didn’t ease the guilt that he had caused Y/N this pain. 

“Honestly I’ve been better.” Y/N admitted bashfully. In fact Y/N was sure she could have been hit by a lorry and still felt more refreshed than she did right now. But watching a domestic new dad Lando made it more bearable. The pain and postpartum bleeding was temporary but her growing little family with Lando was forever. 

A/N it’s shit, I know it’s shit but this idea has been bugging my brain for the past few days and i’m like super sick so this is written half delirious, on pain medication whilst binge listening to The 1975... so yeah

[ninyard]

Heya! I’m new to writing fanfic despite reading for more than half of my life, and I have maybe a silly question: do you get help from a beta? How does one…find that help? 😅 I have a TRC and a TFC fic I need to complete and no godly clue how to find someone to read over what I write so I don’t obsess myself into spirals on my own haha.

I don't personally! But not for any specific reason - I think if literally ANYONE turned around to me and said they would be cool with beta reading my fics I would LOVE that shit. With the amount of mistakes I miss even after half a dozen rereads, I probably should have one lol

In general what I do is just step away from things for a day or two once I think they're finished, then read through it all, and if I trip up over anything in my brain, or find anything that feels a bit too wordy/like a mouthful, I'll revise it. I hate second drafts with a PASSION but for my first draft I usually write out the whole thing, with its bare bones, and fill in the gaps later. If you get stuck on something, just move on and come back to it later. Need to describe another character but don't know what to do? Just write 'He had blue eyes and brown hair' and move on. Things like that. It's so much easier to come back to it and fix it then fixating on it and getting nowhere. (i do a lot of additions in my edits, hence how my most recent fic went from 13k words in the first draft to 18k after the edit.)

I'm one of those losers that gets inspired by reading my own writing, so stepping away from fics when you think you've spent too much time spiralling over it, to come back to it later, is a LIFESAVER. Things you thought you were stuck on will get so much clearer once your brain has had a break, once you've """forgotten""" the exact words you wrote down. Read it from the beginning like it's your first time reading it, read every word, and if something takes you out of it, then figure out why and fix it.

Most importantly try not to be too worried about numbers and other peoples' opinions. It's easy to become discouraged when you're 5 chapters into a fic and it feels like nobody is reading it or liking it, but write for yourself!

Practice makes better, because it’ll never be perfect. Just have fun, don’t take it too seriously, and write what you want to read. Make a post and tag the fandom on it asking if anyone wants to be a beta reader, or maybe ask if anyone wants to “swap” (you beta read theirs and they read yours). I don’t know though!!!! I have never ever written with a beta reader so I don’t really have any advice there:((

I'm sorry I know you didn't ask for advice and I hope this doesn’t come across as rude or anything. We all start somewhere!! Here’s snippets from a fic I wrote in 2016 vs a different one I wrote this year.

Everybody starts somewhere, I’ve been writing fics for like 12 years and I still doubt if my writing is any good. Sure, validation is nice, but you have to trust yourself (and like your own stuff!!). and if you feel worried about your writing just keep going!!!! You’ll find your style and settle into it but just trust yourself and have fun my friend!! You’ve got this<3

(This got way too long and I rambled too much I’m so sorry)

[codenamesazanka]

i sincerely believe that if deku and spinner had teamed up after plw, they would have succeeded in saving shigaraki in both body and heart. they would have complemented each other soooo well, and with all their similarities and differences made for a really interesting dynamic. and it would have been such a nice way to show a villain and a hero bridge the gap between them 😭 but alas. i guess that's what fanfiction is for

Before Chapter 423, I would've conceded that Spinner should've tried to break away from All For One to seek help from the Heroes for Shigaraki and the League (despite having no reason to because Heroes have done nothing but tried to kill them). That first step, y'know?

But now it definitely should've been Deku who reached out first. If Deku had cared at all about "learn[ing] what makes [Shigaraki] tick deep down."

Sorry, sorry for the Deku bash on your ask! Still a little miffed. I agree with you - that the two forming a team-up could've been something else! Here's @stillness-in-green's excellent post about the possibility of this back in 2022, before the actual war started:

Spinner, following Stain’s example, protected Deku all the way back at the training camp, laying some early ground for them to be able to have a pseudo-civil conversation. Spinner has dealt with discrimination due to his quirk—and particularly the weakness of his quirk—in ways that could easily be raised as a parallel to Deku’s experience of quirklessness. Spinner and Deku are now both profoundly invested in Shigaraki’s welfare, making them natural allies against All For One despite their otherwise opposed positions. Spinner and Deku are the only characters that get arc narration, distinguished by the past tense they use to discuss current events and how those events affect the future. Spinner and Deku are both green. [...] if there is to be any reckoning with Shigaraki as he currently exists, getting on speaking terms with Spinner is—in my admittedly very Spinaraki-colored view—Deku’s best hope. [...] I can’t imagine what the point was of setting Spinner up as “Shigaraki’s most devoted follower” (or, more literally, “the one who cherishes Shigaraki the most”) if he’s only going to get peeled off by Shouji before he and Deku have a chance to talk about how much more Deku needs to know beyond “crying five-year-old” if he’s hoping to do anything remotely productive with that psychic link. As I’ve said time and time again, saving “Tenko” doesn’t mean shit if it doesn’t lead to Hero Society addressing the problems that formed all the other villains Tomura represents. And Deku, Hero Society’s highest hope, is still, even after everything he saw outside the walls of his hero academy, still telling people that they’ll get their old lives back, that he’ll put everything “back to normal.” Does he have the slightest idea what horror that implies to the people whom that normalcy pushed out? Who better to tell him than Spinner, who suffered under the old normal, who met and grew close to others who all suffered like he did but for reasons entirely their own? Who spent months working closely with people with wildly radical ideas for a new, different way, who is now becoming a focal point for people all over the country who see in him the same kind of inspiration he once saw in Stain, that of someone willing to stand up and fight back? Who better to say, “You have to care about the people you turned us into, not just the kids we used to be”?

Well. I guess they still can team-up... but now it wouldn't be saving Shigaraki, and more just mitigating the fallout.

[nonerrata-myarchives]

TWIN!!!!!

It's been exactly two months marking our friendship!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

I can't believe it's been only two months, it feels like I've known you forever! For the time that we've spent talking to each other, you've made me laugh like no other and offered support that nobody else has. You always manage to lift up my mood when my day is going shit.

You're the best friend anyone can ever have! You showed me what friendships are actually supposed to be like. When I'm talking to you, for once I don't feel replaceable. You bring me that comfort of knowing that I'm wanted. That there's a place for both you and me. You hype me up about whatever I decide to do. With you, even the bad days are bearable.

Now that I know you, I realise what I was missing all this time. I can't imagine going on with my day without talking to you. You make everything better, no matter how bad it is. You are that one person, who when I think of the future, I see you there.

You are the most amazing, talented, beautiful, funny, real person I've ever met! I know for a fact that you'll get far!!! And I'll be right next to you the entire journey!!

Despite our friendship being only two months old, I would do anything for you. And I mean anything. Whatever happens, you have me by your side. And I know I have you by mine too.

My affection and trust in you is so big that I can't even put it into words, so that's as close as we're gonna get to expressing how much you mean to me. You're everything. And I love you so, so much!

This is to you for being the most amazing person on this Earth and for our, right now young, friendship, but for many, many years to come!

Thank you for being my friend!!! 💕

I love you, twin! 💞💞💞

My dearest twin. You have no idea how much this means to me, how much you mean to me. Knowing that I’ve brought some light and comfort into your life is one of the most beautiful things I could ever hear. It feels like we've built something unshakable together—a friendship that goes beyond anything fleeting or temporary.

You're such a rare gem, the kind of person who sees me for exactly who I am, and somehow, in all of that, you've chosen to stay, to believe in me. With you, it's always felt natural—no pressure, no need to be anyone other than ourselves. Just the purest kind of bond that lifts me up on the darkest days and makes the good days unforgettable.

You talk about how I hype you up, but honestly, you do the same for me. You're my constant reminder that I'm never alone, and no matter where life takes us, I know you’ll be there, just like I’ll be there for you. I don’t know what the future holds, but if you’re in it, I already know it’s going to be amazing.

Your love and trust are something I’ll always treasure. Our friendship may be young, but it already feels like it's grown deep roots, and I can’t wait for all the years ahead. We’ve got a long road to walk, and I’m so thankful to have you by my side through it all.

Thank you for being the most incredible friend anyone could ask for. I love you so much, twin, and I promise this is only the beginning of our journey together! 💖

Also change Alexander's career path before I have a mental break about it.

[thelovelyruin]

𝖎 𝖏𝖚𝖘𝖙 𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖆 𝖇𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖘.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖘 : nanami x fem reader

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖚𝖓 : you both long for something more, despite having prior responsibilities.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖒𝖔𝖔𝖓 : smut, light angst, porn with plot, vaginal sex, choking, praise, love, cheating, manipulation, degradation, teasing, overstimulation, edging, they’re not shit and think they deserve better.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖔𝖙 : 1.4K

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗 : inspired by lyrics from i just wanna be yours by arctic monkeys.

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖊𝖒𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖘𝖘 : hello lovelies, thank you so much for reading! i hope you enjoy it, if so, follow me for more. au revoir!

18+ MDNI ADULT CONTENT

You can’t quite pin a time or day this little charade started, but you’d be lying if you said you wanted it to stop.

“Kento!”

“Say it again, princess.”

Nanami loomed over your spent figure almost menacingly. It was clear in his eyes he craved you, especially when it had been a whole month since the last time he was able to explore the heaven between your thighs. The first two orgasms overshadowed the time spent apart and now, there was nothing else to think about but you and him.

You found yourself grasping at nothing, his strong hands wrapping around your delicate wrists, sure to have bruised by now. His normally posh golden locks were now disheveled, ever so often sweeping your forehead when he gave you a particularly hard thrust. You two had just begun your third round, sheets drenched in lust and the scent of sex permanently embedded in the curtains. Nanami lowers his head down to kiss you feverishly, a distinct opposite from the way he was taking your body. Deep and slow, it felt like he was toying with you, yet his shaft found itself in those hard-to-reach places. Then, it was his mouth. Fucking filthy. To think the dapper salaryman was quite the dirty singer when he buried his cock inside of you is something you chuckle about when you see him at company events. 

“Do you like the way I’m fucking you, baby?”

“Kento, I can’t!”

“Say it or I’ll stop.”

You feel like you're gonna come crumbling down when he slows his pace to a threatening stop. As you moan with frustration, he chuckles in your ear, torture for sure.

“Just say the words, baby. You know I fuck you better than any lay you’ve gotten so go ahead and say it.”

Nanami’s displeased voice makes your brain go all fuzzy, not able to concentrate on anything but the cock that isn’t doing what you need it to. His patience wears thin as he brings a hand down to latch onto your throat, jolting you in a way that brings a chuckle to his lips. Little did he know, you were chuckling yourself. Nanami made it so obvious that he needed to hear you say he was better than any partner you’d had because he knew he was lacking. He couldn’t give you the attention other men did, nor could he always be there when he said he could due to his other obligations. He was right about that though. There were plenty of times you replaced him with your more residual lover, feigning ignorance as you’d never given Nanami the time of day, and that made him livid. Actually, It was how you ended up in this very situation, sprawled out under him in the bed of his secret apartment, a place he brought you when he needed, as he would say, “A break from all the madness”. You knew the truth, but you choose instead to spare his ego.

“Yes, Kento. You’re the best I’ve ever had, the only one I need.”

Nanami is well aware you're speaking with a silver tongue, but he can’t help but use your words to fuel every slam into your cervix, tearing blissful and reticent moans from you. With every groan, the thought of the two of your outside obligations dims from his mind, and with every thrust, he finds it easier to pretend that phone isn’t buzzing on the nightstand. Did he love you? Sure he did. Could he love you? Absolutely not. Not when you’re wrapping your legs around his waist and he knows he’s not the only one who gets to rejoice in this feeling, but that move of yours brings him to his end faster than ever before. Something is just so sexy about longing after something you just can’t have.

“I’m close, princess. Where do you want me?”

“Inside. Cum inside me, Kento.”

You can hear his world rearrange when you respond to his question, his thrusts getting messy and rougher. This was your favorite part, Nanami fucking you like he’d never get to do it again, only because you never tell him that it won’t be. His desperation to please you leaves your body in shambles, so close to your orgasm that you begin to scratch his back, but never too hard, nothing for him to think of you later. Your body was enough to do that alone. With every torturous descent back into your folds, he questions if this could work. Could he be the man you needed and not just the man you craved? Could he break apart from his other responsibilities and cater to your every desire? Of course not. That’s why he cums intensely inside of you, stuttering on words and hips turning to mush. Cumming hard enough to pretend you’re his and his only, that this is a sweet fruit reserved just for him. Then there’s you, so high on empty promises and sexual satisfaction, you spill so prettily all over his cock, milking him until he’s just a shell of a man. 

With a full sweep, he falls to your side, the both of you panting for air. The phone has long since stopped ringing, whoever was on the other end presumably giving up on trying to reach him. You sat up swiftly in the bed, pulling a cigarette out of the pack you left sitting on his nightstand. Lighting it intently, you see Nanami come to and raise himself to your height.

“You looked beautiful tonight.”

“Before when my makeup and hair were actually done for that stupid company party or when I was covered in your cum and sweat 5 minutes ago?”

“Both, though I prefer the second.”

Hesitantly, he kisses your shoulder blade, pecking in the places he wishes he could bruise and bite. You exhale and get out of bed, beginning to put your bra back on. Picking his watch up from the nightstand, you catch a glimpse of the time. 12:28, far too late for any taken person to be out and about. 

“You’re going?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, I just thought maybe we could-”

“Maybe you should focus on getting back home to your wife, Kento.”

Your words cut him like a knife, turning his head and wiping his face in shame. He was well aware his wife was sitting at home waiting for him, wondering where he was at this hour and if he was okay. He also knew you had someone to get back to, you were no saint either.

“Well, then you give Suguru my best regards.”

With that statement, you lockjawed, pausing for a bit then continuing to pull up your jeans. This game you two played was quite amusing. Both of you were in marriages, sneaking off to hump at any glance of irritation or need. Nanami knew he didn’t want his marriage anymore, only ever fucking his wife when he can’t fuck you and always dodging questions of his whereabouts. That man truly only loved you, but you were quite different. Suguru was the man of your dreams, but his job didn’t allow him to be very present, or, only give his dick to his wife. So, what’s a needy girl to do? She fucks Kento Nanami. This had worked for a while now, yet Nanami was starting to get very clingy in this no-strings-attached arrangement. That’s why you always left after sex, didn’t return his calls until you were ready, and ultimately pretended he didn’t exist at work. That is until anonymous flowers found their way to your desk, which led to steamy exchanges in his office on your break. It was the stickiest situation you’d ever been in and you loved it.

Putting your shoes and coat on, you walk over to Nanami’s side of the bed and kiss him passionately. Reluctantly, he lets you pull away, breathing your name onto your lips as you turn to face the door. As if on cue, his phone begins to ring again and you laugh mockingly, much to his dismay. With a few steps, you’re nearly out the door now, his desire to break the phone and throw you back on the bed for hours overwhelming him, but he doesn’t. You’re simply not his.

“See ya, Kento. By the way, you should get that, I think it might be your wife.”

♱ this story is inspired by i just wanna be yours by arctic monkeys. 🖤

♱ masterlist.

♱ all fics playlist.

𝖆𝖚 𝖗𝖊𝖛𝖔𝖎𝖗, 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖑𝖞𝖗𝖚𝖎𝖓.

[quil12]

Maybe a little bit of souyo + yandere? Only if you feel comfortable writing that

I have to admit that this was really weird to write - it just goes so against my characterization for them lmao. Although, that's part of the reason why I wanted to do prompts from people - to push me a little outside of my comfort zone on things like this.

I decided to do it more on the subtle side of things.

(Sorry Rise)

Yu stared down at his phone, clutching it so hard that his knuckles were turning white.

He had woken up a few minutes ago to a phone call from Yukiko. Her words were still ringing loudly in his ears.

“Yu-kun, apparently they found another body this morning. I… From what I’ve heard, it was… it was Rise-san.”

There was no way. 

It couldn’t be true.

She wasn’t dead.

Just yesterday he had been talking to her about her dreams for the future and how she wanted to go back to being an Idol. How could the same person who had smiled so warmly at him be dead? She couldn’t be…

How had it even happened?

From the sounds of it, her body had been found in much the same manner as the other murder victims - strung up on a telephone pole.

He swallowed hard. She hadn’t deserved a death like that. No one did.

He took a deep breath, standing up. They had all agreed to go meet at the food court to talk about it. They needed to get to the bottom of this. 

He quickly got ready, then headed to the door, starting the walk toward Junes.

When he arrived, everyone was already there. There was a sort of stunned and uncomfortable silence that had fallen over the group. He sat down at the table in between Chie and Yosuke. 

“So, what exactly happened?” Yu asked, breaking the silence.

“They apparently found her early this morning. It was foggy out last night, so I can only imagine it had something to do with that,” Yukiko said, her gaze turned down at the table.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Chie said, her hands clenched into fists, “She… she was our friend and now she’s just…”

From beside him, Yosuke took a deep breath, “Could it be that because they failed last time, the killer decided to go after her again?”

They had at one point come to the conclusion that once the killer tried to kill someone that they wouldn’t try again, but could that have been wrong? What if he was going back to try and kill everyone that they had saved? 

“That’s a possibility,” Yu said. “Has anyone been into the TV World to see what was going on there?”

“I went earlier with Yosuke. It was hard to tell, but she had definitely been there,” Teddie said, tears in his eyes.

She definitely knew not to go into the TV World by herself. That could only mean that someone had forced her. It had to have been the killer…

“God damn it,” Kanji said, slamming his fist on the table, “How could we just sit back and let this happen? When I find this guy, I’m going to beat the shit out of him for this.”

Yu took a deep breath, “I think from now on, we need to make sure to check in on everyone every night - especially on nights where it’s going to be foggy. I don’t want anything like this happening to anyone else.”

There was a small chorus of agreement from around the table. 

They talked for a while longer, but they weren’t able to figure anything else out about what was going on. There was nothing that they could really do at that point. 

As he was getting up to start heading back home, Yosuke grabbed hold of his arm.

“Hey, Partner, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today. Just to not be…” He trailed off.

A day spent with Yosuke. Despite everything, that sounded kind of nice. It would certainly be a welcome distraction from the guilt that was already spiraling inside his mind.

He nodded, “I’d like that.”

He gave him a soft smile, “What do you want to do?”

“Do you want to just come over. We can hang out in my room.”

“That works.”

At that, the two of them started walking toward the Dojima residence. He was walking a little bit closer to him than he normally would, but, if he was being honest, he enjoyed the closeness. After what had just happened, it was more than welcome.

They got back to the house, going up to his room, and sitting together on the couch. 

Almost as soon as they sat down, Yosuke wrapped an arm around him, hugging him against him. 

That was also really nice.

He closed his eyes, burying his face against his collar bone. He was just grateful for the closeness. It felt safe like this - almost as if nothing bad had happened.

“How are you feeling?” Yosuke asked after a few minutes. 

He took a shaky breath, “I just… It doesn’t feel real. I just talked to her yesterday and…”

There were tears in his eyes. He didn’t want this to be real. He wanted this to all just be a terrible nightmare that he was going to wake up from at any minute.

“Well, at least you don’t have to worry about her hanging off your arm all the time anymore.”

Yu stopped, furrowing his brow. Why had he just said that? That had been a weird thing to say. Yeah, that had made him a little bit uncomfortable sometimes at how forward it was, but it wasn’t anything that he had ever held against her. It was just her way of showing affection. 

Had he said that because he was trying to lighten the mood? There had been something extremely sincere in his voice though.

He pulled away from him, looking up at him, “Yosuke, that’s not funny. Don’t joke about things like that.”

His face immediately paled like he had just realized he had made a huge mistake.

“I… uh, sorry. I just opened my mouth without thinking. Sorry.”

Yu bit his lip. That had been really off. He genuinely didn’t seem the type to take something like this so lightly. Then again, it was possible that he really had just spoken without really thinking about what he had said. 

“Well, think more before you speak next time.”

He winced, “Sorry.”

He was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt on that. Even so, there was something tugging at the back of his mind, telling him that something was off.

He decided not to pull at that thread, instead, just laying his head back onto his chest, finding comfort in the steady rhythm of his heart.

Yosuke brought his hand up, beginning to gently run his fingers through his hair.

Gradually, his eyelids started to become more and more heavy as he fell into unconsciousness, so warm and safe in Yosuke’s arms.