#And I'm also sure they’ll figure it out and love the new versions of each other

[unknown-cold]

Ohh man that hurts..

[lilislegacy]

you may have gotten a similar ask before, but I'm new to your blog, so i just wanted to ask: what do you envision Percy and annabeth's post-college life to be like? how many kids? girl/boy? names? (If they have kids at all?) their jobs? where do they live? what does their house look like? do they have pets? what are their relationships like with the other demigods? This might be a lot for one ask but you seem like you can literally dive right into percabeth's minds so I just thought I'd ask 😅

ok. you have just asked me a question that i instinctually want to answer with a 3,000 word essay. so i am going to keep this as short as possible (which is not short at all.) i’m also open minded, so my headcanons can be changed if i see a take i really love. but these are my own beliefs

i think they get married. definitely after college. i know some people think they don’t marry because of hera, but i can’t stand the thought of them not doing what they want because of a god. (i also have a hc that they kinda blackmail her lol. as in she goes to them needing help - a quest - and they say they’ll do it only if she swears on the styx to never interfere with or harm their marriage)

i think they both do a lot of things over the course of their careers. annabeth is an architect, but she does multiple things with that. she creates some big famous attractions, she designs a greek version of new rome, aka “new greece” or “new athens” or something, maybe she builds hideouts for demigods (suggestion from a previous asker), etc. and for percy, i think he definitely does something that involves helping marine animals. he can literally speak to them - something no one else can do. he also is very protective of all sea animals he encounters in the books. so he needs to be doing that. personally, i love the thought of him becoming an aquatic vet. but there are several other marine animal related jobs that he could do in replacement of/in addition to that. i also see him doing several things throughout this life, and i made a big post about my thoughts there. i’ll link it at the end of this post.

they definitely have kids. no doubt. they’ve been thinking about having kids together since they were 16. i love the thought of them having 3, maybe 4. i think their first is a boy with short blonde curly hair and sea green eyes. i also think he has a “p” name, since his dad is named percy and his paternal grandfathers are poseidon and paul. but i don’t have names for any of them. ive always imagined them having 2 boys close together and then a girl later on. but i don’t have exact ideas, you know?

i think they live in a few different places. they probably start off in new rome, then eventually in new athens/new greece, and then i think nyc again at some point, maybe when the kids are grown. but i think they always try and live on/near beaches or lakes, when possible. (for obvious reasons)

they do a lot of traveling throughout their lives. because annabeth loves it, and percy loves seeing her happy.

they definitely have a family dog (look in the linked post for my thoughts on that.) plus horses/pegusi will always be around their place.

i don’t have exact house details in mind.

and they keep in great contact with all their demigod friends. both roman and greek.

all i know for sure is that they remain best friends who are deeply in love. they’re always each others battle partner. and they do everything in their power to not only protect their kids, but to make sure their childhoods don’t contain the same darknesses that their own childhoods did. they’re amazing parents, and they’re gonna do great things. they’re both going to use their abilities to help so many people and creatures. and their lives will never be dull or “normal.” not even for a second. and they love it.

my thoughts on percy’s career: ⬇️

[theresattrpgforthat]

hey i really love your game recs and was wondering if you had anything for the theme of 'changing not necessarily for the better'? like the idea that yeah trauma can bring you and your friends closer, but sometimes it pushes you apart and its no ones fault. and if possible something either set in reality or low fantasy/magical realism?

THEME: Deteriorating Characters

I'm not sure how many of these really fit what you were looking for. I think at least two of them are outside of genre, but the idea of characters on a downward spiral usually happens firmly within horror games. In the meantime, perhaps you can still find some inspiration from these games.

Cannot Leave Each-other, by Liorbrary.

One of you is a human parent. The other is their werewolf child.  When you are together the werewolf always magically maintains their human form.  While you are apart things have the potential to be complicated. 

There is a shared understanding that if you are separated for too long one of you will die. The exact details of this death are unclear, but you feel it in your bones to be true and looming.  

This game is about a relationship between two people who need each-other but might not necessarily be able to maintain a healthy relationship. Something interrupts their normal day-to-day, and they’ll either figure out how to stay together, or they’ll be forced apart. 

This game has a potential for tragedy, as well as a resolution that isn’t happy in very many senses of the word. Even if your players stay together, their relationship might suffer for it. If you are looking for a game that will allow you to navigate emotional topics in a setting where death is on the line, you should check out Cannot Leave Each-Other.

Alien Omen, by Ashy Feet.

Alien Omen is a Forged in the Dark game about a pending alien invasion. Characters start off as City Slicks or Rural Rangers who will be introduced to the alien menace preparing it's assault. As players lean into learning about the unknown, they gain power but at the cost of their own corruption.

With every alien encounter, your characters will add ticks to their Corruption track, as it becomes harder and harder to ignore the alien invaders. At 3 Corruption, the players are faced with a choice: there are three factions to which they could choose to join, and doing so will require an initiation ritual that both gives you a new ability, but also causes Harm to the players. 

If you want the full experience of Alien Omen, You need to check out the Character Keeper found on the creator’s website. 

Last Shooting, by My name is Grant.

Two pilots can change your destiny. Two massive war machines can change your future. Two players can share the happiness.

Last Shooting is a 2-player RPG that uses a unique system to tell stories about Mech battles. Using a customized version of the Final Bid engine, Last Shooting builds the characters and defines them more sharply during each scene of play. Then, it gives you the power to destroy any of those aspects to propel yourself to victory.

Last Shooting is meant for single session play, and tends to take 2-3 hours. And it provides the flexibility for no two sessions to play out the same way.

Define your pilot, and destroy them in turn. The battle hinges on what remains.

This game asks players to consider how destructive this final fight will be for your characters, as you will have to actually destroy parts of your “datafile” or character sheet, in order to increase your chances of success. You may win against your opponent - but at what cost?

It Breaks You, by Crab Dominion.

It Breaks You is based on the slasher movie monsters of the 70’s and 80’s - a lumbering, unstoppable force chases you, and you must do whatever it takes to survive. Will you help others, or help yourself? It doesn't matter; in the end, It Breaks You.

It Breaks You features simple mechanics and a one-page layout, allowing you to jump right into the action. All you need to start is 3d6, 3d4 and 2-5 players.

In this game, your characters have two stats: Empathy and Apathy. Regardless of whether or not you help others or help yourself, you’ll be required to roll in order to determine whether your acts drain away at either of your attributes. It’s in your best interests to help yourself, but regardless of your attempts, once you lose all of your pips in one or the other, It Breaks You.

Broken, by Ben Wallis.

Broken is a tabletop roleplaying game of tragic romance for two players about broken objects and broken hearts. Create two characters in a relationship and over the course of ten scenes, you will explore the ways in which the things you loved about each other crack until everything about your relationship is broken--including the ten real-life, physical objects you will break over the game's ten scenes.

In Broken, the relationship will always end.  Although the tragic conclusion is inevitable, there is endless potential for healing and self-discovery along the way.

Broken is an emotionally deep game that explores themes of memory, identity, and loss.  Broken is also full of empathy-building, hope, and healing. Broken is a game that recreates the raw, visceral experience of going through a break-up along with the catharsis of smashing objects, all while telling a beautiful story along the way.

This game is theoretically one of change not necessarily for the better, in the sense that the relationship doesn’t get better - it ends. Players will break items as they navigate memories as the characters remind each-other of events they experienced together and how they weren’t what they thought they were. As they do this, traits that represent what what each character liked about each-other are burned away. If you want a tragic game that gives you room for catharsis, I recommend Broken.

Games I’ve recommended in the past.

Locus, by CobblePath Games

Fears & Fathoms, by curatrix-ribston.

After the Rain, by Desk and Dorks.

[wikiangela]

Summarised wip ask I was going to go

9&12 but then I saw this which made me smile (9 and 12 are still at the idea stage and don't have even a sentence

So I’ll say 1 or 3 instead 💜

all I can say about 9 and 12 are that 9 is a roommates idea where buck goes to live with eddie temporarily but then ends up staying and then they get together (I so wanna write this and tried to start many times but the words are just not flowing idk lol)

and 12 will be another possessive eddie fic but this time I wanted it to be a sfw version where eddie's a famously bad sharer who only shares stuff with buck (and chris) but is also very bad at sharing buck with people lol

1. is alive shannon - I posted a lot of snippets, but eventually it's just gonna be the three of them (Buck and Eddie and Shannon) figuring out how to co-parent together and be friends, even before buddie get together (and they will lol)

here's a lil snippet I haven't shared bc I feel like it needs some changing haha

He decides not to bring it up, aside from a subtle comment – or as subtle as he’s capable of, just a little quip about Eddie and Shannon being awfully domestic and how Buck hopes Chris won’t get his hopes up. It’s none of his business, but it’s Christopher. He’ll always do anything to make sure Christopher doesn’t suffer. And getting his hopes up only to find out all over again that his parents are breaking up would break his little heart. So Buck does say something, immediately following it up by “but it’s none of my business, sorry for butting in.” Eddie didn’t say much in response, just hummed and looked like he was pondering that for a few moments, before thanking Buck, and that was it. Later on, though, Buck could see him and Shannon trying to act more like just friends. Buck can imagine it’s hard, still loving each other but knowing it can’t work, and especially with a kid involved, but he believes they’ll make it work. And he’ll be there for whatever they need him for.  A few days later there’s a moment where he and Shannon are left alone for a while, and she takes that opportunity to thank him for saying something, too. She smiles, squeezes his hand, and adds: “I really appreciate you being there for Eddie and Christopher, being their family. Thank you, Buck, for caring about my son so much.”

and 3. is the coffee shop au! these idiots will be dancing around it for months while maddie will get a date with chimney during their first meeting, and I'm so excited for this haha

and a short snippet of that, the moment buck finds out eddie is not only a dad but also single lol (did eddie sneak in the 'single dad' in there on purpose? maybe 👀👀)

“Sorry, you don’t need to hear about my messy morning. Being a single dad has its challenges.” he chuckles again. “No, it’s fine, I- I like talking to you.” Buck hears himself say, as he slowly processes the information. Eddie has a kid. And he’s single. That’s two new pieces of information about Eddie, and they’re the most important yet. “Uh, you have a kid?” “I do. He’s seven. And my whole world.” Eddie says, face lighting up with the fondest expression, one a person gets when they talk about the most precious thing in their life. “He’s waiting for me in the car right now, I told him I’d be quick.”

my badly summarized wips

[someobscurereference]

For one: whenever the concept of the Nohrians meeting the young trio comes up, my first thoughts are 1) Inigo being cripplingly shy and terrified of Xander 2) Severa being Extremely Unreasonable and Aggressive especially toward Camilla and 3) Owain gravitating toward Elise because she's reminiscent of his mother, because he's a mama's boy who probably lost his mom very recently and that's pretty fucked up!!

That being said, I'm screaming at the idea of Owain gravitating toward Elise because mother, Xander because cool sword, and Camilla because cool armor, and Not Trusting Leo because he's a Dark Mage and Dark Mage Means Plegia Means Grima Means Evil (almost always) and Leo being so upset about it. It turns the tables entirely, where Odin was originally the one who thought both Leo and Niles were so cool and they thought he was a weirdo idiot until he proved himself, now he thinks they're creepy and Evil and have to work for his trust. And I will always love the Nohrians realizing the trio were Fucked Up Kids and the idea of them watching the three of them take down a faceless with Brutal efficiency because of how much more dangerous Risen were...I'm so into this. AND!! The trio fucking hating each other!! They're so used to them being Best Friends and Inseparable and understanding each other on a whole different wavelength. And now? Sev and Inigo aren't very kind toward Owain's dramatics, Sev and Owain are Bothered by Inigo's flirtations, and Severa is just so harsh with both of them (and most people). Of all the people they could be stuck with, they would Not choose each other. I'm rambling but I'm so into it I'm so so into it. One of the previous asks you linked spoke a lot about Inigo, but if you could talk a bit more about Severa and Owain? Especially if their adult selves were involved with their lieges and partner retainers and how different the dynamic is now and the way they each react when realizing the trio went through something so clearly screwed up and beyond even what they've seen

(prev ask) Ayyy, glad you got a kick out of all of that, lol. And yes!! Leo Trio origins reversed!! With Niles and Leo being the ones who have to prove themselves to Owain instead of the other way around. And the Trio not getting along!! They're 100% there to save each other when they think they're in mortal danger, but as soon as they realize they're not in Plegia? Don't touch me, don't breath on me, don't look in my direction, any of you. Owain & Inigo can't be alone in a room together or else they'll scuffle, Severa stomps away whenever Inigo tries to compliment her, nobody wants to talk to Owain, etc.

Also sure! I spoke a lot about Inigo in that last ask because I wanted to be clear about what I meant with the shyness thing, but for Severa & Owain...

I don't know if they would have been in romance with their lieges before this! I obviously ship the royals & their retainers, but I don't ever see the appeal of that dynamic in deaging fics? I get the idea of like "oh, this is a new side of my partner I've never seen before," but the deaging part is such a huge part of the plot that I don't really see the benefit to that dynamic in these types of fics.

But just in general! The friendship/platonic shift!

I mentioned before about Camilla trying to dote on little Severa but struggling because Severa rejects her So Hard, lol. In general she'd want to dote on Severa because of her personality and how Severa is a tiny version of her beloved retainer, but the more it becomes clear that Severa has issues (especially re: family, which is a major reason Camilla feels the need to dote on Corrin), the more she wants to spend time with her and make some happy memories with her. Which makes Severa's rejection of this attention even stronger bc who the hell are you to presume you know her? And also you're not her big sister/mom/whoever.

Eventually, I almost feel like Camilla would?? I don't want to say "give up," but eventually you're going to get more flies with honey than vinegar. By which I mean the less Camilla tries to push the relationship, the more open Severa might be to spending time with her. But I'm not sure Camilla would get to this point within the timeframe of the Trio being deaged! I think this would take many days or perhaps even weeks to figure out. If the Trio return to normal before this, I think Camilla might feel different (Hard to say how... maybe guilty??) about the way her Selena dotes on her and wants her attention all the time vs little Severa rejecting her. But!! If the Trio stay deaged for a while and Camilla learns to stop pushing the relationship, Severa may slowly grow to approach Camilla on her own and may then be open to being doted upon once they understand each other more (bc she canonically wants all the foods and fun stuff Camilla is offering; she just wants it from someone she trusts. And primarily from her parents ((see: awakening supports w/ parents)), but they're not here).

tl;dr Camilla would have to go against her doting instincts if she wanted Severa to get comfortable with her. Otherwise Severa would avoid her/take advantage of the things Camilla is offering while not wanting to be near her very much.

Re: Beruka!

Unlike Camilla, who has a lot of sad and sympathetic feelings for Severa, Beruka really leaves feelings out of it. Which is probably to her benefit in this scenario, as she's approaching Severa's trauma's from a logical (perhaps even detachedly relatable) standpoint rather than sympathetic. She's more direct than Camilla, so Severa might be a little more comfortable with her, just because she knows what to expect.

Severa, for her part, may even seek Beruka out once she knows they're partners because (1) she wants to know what sort of person her future partner is and (2) she wants to prove that she's the better retainer than Beruka. Which of course she can't do because (a) Beruka would never compare them like that, nor Camilla and (b) Severa is younger, more hotheaded, and less skilled than her older self, so anything she tries to prove now, she'll probably fail at and will blame on her older self having more experience. This competetive spirit may start as an inferiority complex thing, but with Beruka never really fanning the flames, Severa may eventually calm down about it and just feel more driven to get better on her own/respect Beruka as her partner (sort of like her Cynthia Supports in Awakening, though a little different).

Leo & Owain, I already talked about. Owain will immediately take note of the fact that Leo & Niles are his future lord & partner, which he is very curious about, but once Xander, Camilla, & the other very cool people with melee weapons come into the picture, he's very drawn to them, which makes Leo jealous, lol. Leo dedicates himself to "solving" the deaging issue, using this as an excuse so he doesn't have to spend time around Owain and get compared to his "cooler" siblings. HOWEVER, joke's on him bc the fact he's avoiding Owain means Owain doesn't get the chance to quiz him even more and tell him about how cool Brynhilder is. When this finally happens, Leo feels incredibly foolish for trying to show off for Owain & avoid him in turns. Owain, meanwhile, may or may not have ever picked upon on the fact Leo was feeling weird about him at all (although he will admit he felt nervous around Leo at first bc Pelgian Mage Memories and had to take time to get over that).

Niles is a little hard to consider because I actually think?? He'd be good with young/immature folk when he's genuinely trying to be? (See: Niles's interactions with Elise & Nina). However, he can also be quite cruel to people who don't really deserve it (See: Mozu C & B supports) despite having a motto of only insulting "people who deserve it," (Peri Support). So!! I think Niles's interactions with Owain ultimately come down to how well he respects Odin/how good their relationship was. If they were besties when Odin gets deaged, then I don't think Niles will purposely try to make Owain feel bad, though a lot of what he says with metaphors & double meanings will probably go over Owain's head anyway. I also don't know if he'd purposely go digging for information or not?? Depending on how much he feels asking would be a betrayal to Odin's trust vs his own curiosity and all the hints Owain doesn't realize not to drop?? I think Owain would really determine what Niles does or doesn't learn about him. They have the potential to have a really good talk where Owain talks about his parents' deaths and the struggles he & the kids are going through and Niels talking about his own life on the streets. (BTW, despite Owain literally going through a war & both parent death, I think he might think Niles has the worse situation bc he's never known parental love at all, which baffles Niles).

Similar to Leo, I think Owain would be really cautious around Niles at first, both because he's an intimidating sort and because he takes cues from how everyone acts around Niles too. But!! Also just like Leo, if his future self trusted them, obviously that means something, right? So he'd approach Niles a bit more after a few days of settling in.

Niles & Owain's interactions are really hard to imagine because they depend on so many factors that I haven't decided upon! But hopefully the other ones make sense, lol

Thanks for asking!

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Runaan, the Dragonblade

I woke from a dream this morning where I figured out half of this and came up with the rest while I mulled it over, and now I have a new angsty headcanon: Runaan was raised by Avizandum and trained to fight by Skywings at the Storm Spire.

Runaan is a soft elf who's learned to adopt Hard Mode at a moment's notice. Avizandum is a rat bastard who truly thought of humans as lesser beings. Runaan's Hard Mode and his attitude that humans are liars, nothing in them worth sparing, etc etc, is all learned behavior. It makes sense that all his harsh attitudes are part of his assassin training, since Ethari and Lujanne don't share them. And we’ve seen how certain other old dragons feel about humans. Considering that Xadia once wanted to wipe them all out, and that the dragons live by far the longest, it seems to me that the source of prejudice against humans lies with the dragons and is taught to the elves over and over with each new generation.

Then there's that casual line in the Book One novelization where we learn that Xadia wouldn't necessarily choose to avenge Avizandum because he was a morally gray bastard, but it would absolutely cry for justice over Zym being killed. That scene is Rayla's, and all her assassin information comes from Runaan. Bitter about his upbringing at Avizandum's claws, maybe? I don't blame him.

If Avizandum really did raise Runaan and see to his training, then S1E1′s title “Echoes of Thunder” just keeps having more layers to it, doesn’t it? Gosh. Runaan is connected to so many parts of the plot, to so many characters, but behind him lies Thunder. Just like Aaravos lies behind Viren and his own web of connections.

I keep trying to puzzle out Runaan's scars, where and why he got them. This headcanon has yet another guess. See, Ethari is eager to use the Sun's Tears salve to keep Runaan healing quickly--he hates to see his husband hurt, of course he does, he loves him! So I don't think it's very likely that Runaan got those scars after he married Ethari. And then there's his bio clue about "learned to put his mission above all else". If you learn something, that's a lesson, and lessons usually are learned early, especially when assassin training begins before you can even walk.

So if his training supervisor was Avizandum, and Runaan wasn't hard enough during training... I can see it. Typical dragon behavior, a little smack of the tail. It wouldn’t do much damage to another dragon, not with their thick scaled hides. But used on elves who are short and tiny and delicate in comparison? Ouch. 

None of Runaan’s scars or even damage from his fight in Harrow’s chamber, none of it is on his back. Runaan never turns his back unless he’s spinning with his blades out. So whatever hit him, he was facing it directly. And if it was Avizandum’s judgment, then he stood there and saw it coming and took it like the stoic Moonshadow he is.

This poor angst-ridden elf, god.

I'm dancing around it here. But Avizandum losing control of Zym was a good thing, and Viren interrupting his hatching storm was beneficial for Zym and therefore all of Xadia - once the Dragaang got to hatch him, anyway. Because however much Avizandum cried at dying and being unable to reach Zym, whether from love or fear or loss of control, he would've raised him to be hard and trained him to be ruthless. Just like Runaan.

Zym was spared all that. But maybe Runaan wasn't. Maybe it's tradition for the Dragon Throne to raise and train each assassin leader, and that's where the blood promise thing comes in. A Moonshadow elf, separate from their people, surrounded by dragons and Skywings, needs to bond with someone. So they make the promise, swear their honor and loyalty in service to the one being who has seen to their education and whatever guidance and comforts they are given in life. And then they go home to the Silvergrove and bind others to the will of the Dragon King.

I had a really old headcanon once that Runaan was raised by Skywings, lol. This version is cooler though. It's just the way he fights. It's so aerial! And all the spinning! Everything about Skywings being strong and fast really just adds more strength to this headcanon. Rayla believes Runaan is the best assassin, and he's described as basically unstoppable. A Moonshadow who fights like a Skywing would have serious advantages over most other combatants. Maybe this will be one more connection between Runaan and Callum someday? How fun would that be? Runaan actually being able to train Callum in Skywing aerial techniques to some degree. Whether he would... ehh. I could see him silently adjusting Callum’s elbow or something and nodding for him to try again, though. Perhaps in a “but I doubt you’ll get it--oh huh, look at that” sort of way. Which would be awesome all around, tbh.

Unfortunately, if Runaan were trained by Skywings, he would have thought himself slow and sloppy during training. It probably influenced his constant training regimen in the Silvergrove. If he trained all the time, he'd at least get closer to Skywing standards. But maybe he still lives with a deep-seated sense of inadequacy for not being as swift and light on his feet as his trainers. And I can see Avizandum allowing that mentality, and even encouraging it, since it would urge a young Runaan to constantly push himself harder.

Now, let me headcanon about Rayla: if she were the child that Runaan chose to follow him as the assassin leader, there is no way in hell he'd let her go back to the Storm Spire for instruction at Avizandum’s claws. So maybe he told Lain and Tiadrin what happened to him, or maybe they already knew. Heck, maybe they were there with him, or maybe Lain was and that’s why he’s Runaan’s best friend. In any case, no one wanted to put Rayla through that, so they all managed a compromise. Lain and Tiadrin went in her place and served on the Dragonguard. And Runaan got to keep Rayla away from Avizandum.

He was so gentle with her when he raised her, it kills me. The irony that he was still training her to be an assassin despite his own history is very deep. But I don't think anyone knows how to get out of that one yet. Still, he raised her softly and with encouraging guidance, not with tail smacking. Somehow, that sense of "I'll never be good enough" did carry over, though... Rayla really is as perceptive as her mother sometimes. She picks up things Runaan never meant to teach her. Luckily that also includes kissing techniques.

Runaan helped Rayla avoid his harsh upbringing at the Storm Spire, but he raised her so softly that she got him captured. He keeps using those Skywing moves like mental chess to try to get around the dangers in his life and protect his friends and family, but the board is set against him. And I'm guessing the only way to win is not to play.

tl;dr: Runaan was raised by dragons and trained by Skywings and it shows, but he didn't want Rayla raised the same way because it was traumatic and scarring, so her parents went to the Storm Spire instead of her. And everything still fell apart because the system is broken.

Extra hc’s: 

Runaan got over his fear of heights and death at the same time because Avizandum made him jump off the Spire repeatedly, and he’d have to be chill and calm and accept his fate, and when he was at peace with it, then a Skywing would catch him.

Runaan gave Hendyr his cheek scars for catching him too early one time. Dude was trying to help, and Runaan was trying to be perfect, and it ended with shades of Amaya.

Rayla throwing herself off the pinnacle when she killed Viren was something she may have heard about before, and once again she’s copying Runaan.

There’s a Moonshadow room at the Spire because there’s always a Moonshadow there for training, and that’s where Lain and Tiadrin were living: in Runaan’s childhood room. They’ll know him so much better after having spent time there.

Runaan’s got chronic stress about messy windswept hair now, and that’s why Ethari does his hair for him every morning with those dexterous hands of his, to make sure Runaan feels calm and ordered and as far from the Storm Spire in his mind as possible.

[pantstomatch]

I love your writing, and (the cliche, it burns) one day I'd like to publish too. But a lot of things have changed since the last time I was confident in trying to do this, and I wondered if you would talk about the process (getting an agent, that sort of thing) if you're comfortable and have the time. It's also cool if you privately respond, if you'd prefer, I'm just trying to figure out how to get started again? And so many tips are "publish on Amazon!"

Thank you!!!! Okay, so here’s the thing. I’m probably not the best person to ask about this, because I’m actually really bad at being published, but I can tell you some stuff that I’ve learned? That might be helpful? I ended up being long-winded, so (if tumblr works right here) everything is under the cut...

1. Querying!

So in general, querying sucks balls. Like… it’s probably the worst thing you’ll ever have to do. You’re gonna want to research what agents are looking for the kind of stuff you want to write or have written. Some are looking for certain genres or what they think is marketable, and you want to send your query to someone who’s open to what you have, or it’s a waste. Most likely the agency website or the agents “I’m looking for…�� page or whatever will give you specific instructions on what to include in your query email - how the subject should be written, what they’re looking for, how many pages of your manuscript they want to see, how to attach it to the email and in what form, and if they want a synopsis of your novel. Some agents use Query Manager, which is basically a form you fill out and attach all the things they want, and you can go back in and edit it and it’s a nice way to keep track of your query. Next, they’re gonna (hopefully; some just never respond) either say no thank you very politely, or ask you for the full manuscript. Most of these agents will also give you a general timeline for a response, and if they’re open to a nudge from you or not. After that, they’ll either say no to the full manuscript, or welcome you aboard!  

Most places allow you to send multiple queries out for the same work, meaning they’re not “exclusive,” except within their own agency. If they ask for a full manuscript, but before they get back to you, another agent has snapped you up, they’ll want you to let them know so they don’t waste their time on it. Occasionally, if they want to see your full manuscript, they’ll ask for you to not send the full manuscript to someone else until they’re done, or for you to tell them if someone else is looking at the full manuscript. You can also change your mind!  You can email them and let them know you’ve decided to pull the novel out of consideration, maybe if you think it needs more editing.

I have never successfully queried. I found the whole thing demoralizing, and I did my first contract on my own, without an agent. This is something I don’t recommend because I had to figure out a lot of confusing shit on my own that I still don’t fully understand. And it also made me doubt my writing after the fact, because agents don’t give a shit if you’re already published, they’re focused solely on whatever you’re presenting them with. And then after that, I figured if I got another book out of my current editor, would I want to present that to the people who already didn’t like my writing? I have an agent for another project I’m working on, and the only reason I have her is because someone introduced us and told her I desperately needed help.

1a. So you found the agent(s) you think you like!

Other than the instructions/guidelines written out by the agency/agents that you’re interested in, you’re gonna need the most complete and fully edited version of your novel in hand. If they ask for your full manuscript, you absolutely should not say it’s not done. Make sure it’s finished, and preferably edited, before you send your query in. If they ask for a synopsis, hard pass. Ha ha ha, just kidding. No, really, arguably, this is going to be the hardest thing to write. A synopsis will suck your soul out of your body and make you weep blood. The only thing worse than querying is writing a synopsis for that query. I have never written a synopsis that I didn’t think was utter shit. I hate them.

Querytracker is a cool place to look up agents that you want to query and see how responsive (and nice) they are. It took me a little bit to figure out the abbreviations, though.

2. Pick your genre carefully

Unless you are a best selling author, they are never ever ever going to let you change genres. I mean, maybe if you wrote under a different name. Maybe. But they’ve bought your book based on how they think it will sell, and they’re going to want to sell you, too, and genre jumping is usually a no-go. This is, basically, one of the biggest things I hate, and one of the greatest things I love about fanfiction, that I can write whatever the fuck I feel like writing. So, you know, make sure you really really really want to write about what your first book is going to be about, because you’re going to be writing about that forever.  And I don’t mean just YA vs New Adult vs Adult, although you need to take that into account too. I mean if you’re writing about high school regular kids, you probably can’t write about supernatural high school kids. You can’t write about high school kids in space. You can only write about regular high school kids. So.. think sci -fi vs fantasy vs historical vs contemporary, etc.

3. I hope you don’t hate people!

Do you want to go to a bookstore and talk in front of a crowd? Do you want to go to cons and network with other authors? Do you want to call up publications and volunteer for interviews? Do you want to talk about your books with strangers?  Because I sure don’t.  Publishing houses do the bare minimum of publicity for you for your book. First book, they’ll probably help set up some store signings. Going forward, if you weren’t proactive the first time around, they’re probably not going to do anything. If you’ve got some really good advance reviews, they’ll do ads. They’ll probably do the rote social media posts. But basically, you’re going to have to advocate for your book. You’re going to have to create your own brand. You’re going to have to make swag and send it out, call up bookstores, post constantly about it on twitter, buddy up to other authors, go places where you can network. And I will tell you that all of that is my nightmare. I don’t want to do any of that. I don’t like meeting new people. I had several panic attacks leading up my book signing, and the book signing itself was pretty bad. I’m just… not good with people. And, honestly, at my age, I don’t want to be any better. All it does is give me stress and hives, and to get over that I’d really really have to want to do it.

4. Personal perks?

Editors!  I’ve worked with two awesome editors, and it’s amazing having someone to tell you how to fix things in a way that makes sense. By far, one of the only perks of being published for me. I absolutely don’t know for sure, but I always got the feeling that they expected more push back from me with their suggestions, but nope. I was open to everything, and that’s probably why the books worked so well, because editors absolutely know what they’re doing and only want what’s best for the book.

Holding a solid book of my work!  Always awesome to hold that first book in your hands, with the beautiful cover work and everything. The fact that other people can read it and know it was me who wrote those words only counters that by about a half.  

Money! Advances vary drastically, but, listen, the money kind of made the panic attacks worth it. A little.

5. Advances and royalties

The things I’ve read about advances is that too little, and you might think they have less confidence in you, and too much and you’re panicking about selling, because if you don’t earn out your advance, there’s a chance they won’t want to invest in you in the future. Generally, the way they work is they offer you a contract with the amount they are willing to “advance” you. This is basically saying, we think this book will give us this amount of money, and this is your share of that amount of money. You earn this out with royalties. When you sign the contract, you will get a certain amount of money, usually half of your offered advance. When you deliver the finished manuscript, after your editor and you have gone over it and it’s been approved, you’ll get the other half. A two book deal would be split into 4 parts, and you’d get the first 2 parts for signing the contract (1/4th for each book), the next part for the first finished manuscript, and then the last part for the second finished manuscript, generally after the first book is already published. After that, you won’t see any money until your royalties reach the amount they already paid you in advance. Unless otherwise negotiated, you’d get a royalty check twice a year.  Your earnings from January to July would be sent to you in October, and your earnings for July to December would be sent to you in April. Since any books sold to bookstores and online stores can be returned to the publisher if unsold, they will usually “hold back” a certain amount at first, to make sure you’re really earning that royalty. Royalty statements themselves are a hot mess and I’ve never been able to read them, which is also a good reason to have an agent. An agent will get your money sent to them, make sure it’s the correct amount, take their cut, and then send you a check from them.

6. Self publishing

Okay, I know nothing about self publishing, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it if you have the right support system (ie editors). If you’re going to have to do a lot of the marketing yourself anyway, I don’t see how this is much different. Biggest thing would be the upfront cost, and making sure you make that cost worth it.  Independent author S Usher Evans has some good advice for self publishing - Sush’s worked very hard at it, and started her own publishing company. Also, @qwanderer might be a good resource, I think they use Lulu, which is a really cool self publishing site.

Uhhhh, so that’s a lot of info and also not a lot of info, so please feel free to ask me anything else, and I really hope I haven’t made this harder for you to get started ha ha ha. I think the best thing to do is to figure out what you want to write and write it and just… go from there. If you really love what you have, someone else is going to love it, too.

And if anyone’s had a different experience or thinks I got something wrong or has more/better advice for @heyninja, let me know!

[xbloodrunsredx]

Could you tell me what you think of the way the creators have instilled Rick and Morty relationship thoughout the show ? I've noticed that you're pretty good at explaining things so I was wondering if you wanted to showcase the "proofs" of their relationship. Anyway I love your fanfic "fire consumes fire" and I'm reading it right now, it's great !

For sure! Have fun with Fire Consumes Fire, it's my baby <3

I'll analyse season one for now and point out the creative choices and underlying themes as my proof! Let me know if you want to see more seasons though :)

An important thing to remember is that things like grooming and sexual abuse are not just about touching someone or being touched. Things like exposing a child to/forcing a child to watch a sexual act, speaking to a child in a sexually explicit way, and undressing yourself or them (typically older than the age they'll need to be bathed for that one) all count as aspects and types of sexual abuse.

Now some people might think that's less important because Morty is fourteen and at that age where male sexuality is a little more domineering but, canonically, Rick has been in Morty's life since he was twelve at most, possibly younger.

(Rick celebrating Morty's 13th birthday: Mindblowers)

There's a lot of time missing, and if we're assuming that Rick's attitude has remained consistent, then it means this has been a common theme since Morty was prepubescent.

The first episode is relatively tame, but it plays an important role in establishing the family hierarchy, and does a lot with the ever infamous megaseeds. There have been a lot of fanfictions about the seeds and for good reason - though not overtly sexual in nature, it establishes a certain level of control over Morty. Morty lacks bodily autonomy and the ability to tell Rick no. He does what Rick says, even if it means sacrificing his own body, and it is the first step the creators took in creating a warped dynamic between them. It sets the stage for further abuse of power by Rick, which is important to make the future episodes realistic and true to character consistently. Somewhat separately, throughout the show you'll see me note instances where you can see the show easing us into sexually explicit interactions between the two - we are desensitised to Morty's blatant sexuality before we're introduced to Rick's, which is really interesting considering who they are. The difference is that they need to put in more work to make Morty someone viewed through a sexual lens in an effort to get us used to him and how we'll see him portrayed in the future. Then they introduce Rick's sexuality, and even later how their sexualities interact with each other.

This next episode draws directly on the assumptions we make based on the first episode about sexuality, and expands even further. When incepting Morty's math teacher, we now see a focus on Rick's sexuality - he involves himself in bondage in a sex dungeon in front of Morty, and encourages Morty to participate. This time we see Morty deny him, clearly not comfortable with it despite being intrigued. Something really interesting is Summer in this episode: while some may not think it's important in relation to Rick and Morty's relationship, her trying to sleep with them establishes the first theme of incest we see in the show and sets a playing field: the creators are saying it's their show and they can make who they want to be sexual to who they want.

Something else I think is important in season one is that after heavily sexual episodes, we get a break where the following episodes are family based. That's why we're skipping anatomy park for now, to go into episode four: the episode where Rick undresses himself, forces Morty to undress, steals his clothes and makes him walk around naked. Sure, his intentions aren't outwardly nefarious - there is reasonable evidence that Rick knew Morty was a simulation for a decent while, but I'll focus on if he didn't for now - but that doesn't make it less important to the development of abuse structures. Morty is incapable of telling Rick no when Rick puts his mind to doing something: the surrender of autonomy to Rick is really important for creating an abusive cycle. What if Rick had been lying? How would Morty have known? What could he have done? Morty gives in without really knowing what he's giving into.

Meeseeks and Destroy, in my opinion, is one of the most important episodes in determining abuse. Something I like to think about, is the central figure of Morty's life. Rick, right? When Morty chooses his own adventure, it's akin to him trying to reclaim his autonomy and trying to exert his influence. He tries to become his own central figure, and in doing so he meets Mr Jellybean. Two things happen as a result: Morty associates being in control of himself with getting assaulted, and we see a demonised version of Rick in Mr Jellybean. Hear me out! Mr Jellybean is the replacement of Rick in this episode as a figure that shoves Morty around, makes him uncomfortable, makes him do things he doesn't want to do, but with a sexual twist. Mr Jellybean's temper when he doesn't get what he wants and the sudden calm when he does, is eerily reflective of blackout drunk Rick.

We get a mix of a family episode and a sexually explicit episode here so I won't go into too much detail - but the distinct separation of Rick and Morty from the rest of their family when they leave creates a dynamic where Morty can rely on Rick as the only constant. It separates him from the rest of his family and the rest of the world in a lot of ways, which heavily contributes to his mindset.

The next episode is one where the creator definitely try and push a distrust by the family in regards to Rick and Morty's relationship. Rick lets Morty buy a sex bot while they're out named Gwendolyn - Morty adapts quickly and happily to his more sexually active lifestyle until he asks Rick to come upstairs. Beth says then: "Okay, now if we hear squeaking, we intervene." Rick is attempting to fix Gwendolyn and jumps on the bed, which prompts the entire family to come to Morty's room to stop whatever it is that is happening. Like I've mentioned previously, they follow really explicit episodes with family stuff - this episode somewhat follows that by splitting it in half: half is explicit and the rest has Rick and Morty separated while we take in the new information given to us. Beth thought Rick would have sex with Gwendolyn, possibly in a threesome or something - if the character believes it, then the creators wants us to believe it too.

The next two episodes are family orientated, where we focus less on Rick and Morty and more specific members of their family, we're introduced to a flipped dynamic via Evil Morty and his Rick. Morty ponders his own worth as Rick devalues his existence and treats him like one would an object which is another aspect of abuse that gets referenced in the future. My interest for now lies in the use of Mortys and how they're viewed by Ricks. Evil Morty perpetuates that and attempts to go about it in a Rick-esque way. Which, of course, means tying naked teenagers to the outside of a building - there isn't a need for them to be naked, but Evil Morty does that in order to push the idea of it being something a Rick would cook up while also turning on himself. The idea that there are good Ricks, bad Ricks and worse Ricks makes for an interesting idea that begs the question: if the Rick next to C-137 on the scale is believed to be capable of doing that to hundreds of Mortys, then what is our Rick capable of?

The last episode is undeniably tame by comparison and is another family orientated episode to make up for the last one. It is undeniable that a lot of work has been put into making Rick and and Morty's dynamic reflect that of sexual abuse and grooming, a theme that grows more apparent with every new season.

[shirophantomvox]

Ayo :D I'm the anon from earlier who asked the questions about the IGF-Atlas dynamics and stuff and honestly, I think your answers were really well thought out and written and 100% on point :) So, I would like to know your thoughts on this: How do you think the Galra Empire reacted to Krolia and Kolivan? aLsO, How do you feel the blade would have reacted to Keith being their new leader? I'm looking forward to your analysis on this as always :D

Well, thank you anon! I love writing and analyzing characters, movie/tv plots, etc. because I hope to achieve to be a screenplay writer for my own show or someone else’s! I know this one is short (sorry) but this one was a bit of a challenge. I wanted to keep it as realistic as possible...but with a TWIST. I hope I answered your questions. I may add to this when I wake up tomorrow because anon I am SOOOO tired. Anyway, enjoy! As always, you are welcome to ask me anything else! 

 I had to re-watch the last part you were asking for because I couldn’t remember, lol. Remember when someone wanted to be emperor, they had to make it to the top of the stairs and light the flame? In modern times, only Lotor was able to do that, and because he had Voltron. We see in the scene where Keith is giving his speech, the remaining Galra are very supportive of him and his plan of peace by joining the Galaxy Coalition and he has the black lion with him. I’m assuming he lit the flame.  At this point, I think the Galra have figured out that they’ve had enough of mindless fighting and are willing to make the empire better. I did notice something though...Keith didn’t promise the empire an unlimited amount of quintessence like Lotor, so I do not know if the quintessence was necessary or what? Just a side note. The rest of the Galra know who the blades are, and they have a good understanding of what they were fighting for and they probably want a stable leader. What’s Keith’s plan for peace? I don’t know but I hope it worked out for him and he doesn’t turn to the dark side. 

 When Keith met the Blades for the first time, they automatically rejected him and questioned why he had the ceremonial blade. I’m assuming they did this to make sure a spy wasn’t on their base. Seeing that Keith “awakened” the blade, took his missions with Kolivan seriously, and stopped the most powerful villain in the show, I think it was necessary for them to make him the leader. What else does he have to do to prove himself? He’s done more than he should have. Given that Keith was the paladin of the red lion and then the black lion, his way of leading is very different from Kolivan’s. As discussed before, Keith is a person that understands that he oversees his team and that if anyone gets hurt, he is responsible. I see that he would make a few changes to how the blades carry out missions. 

 I personally like Keith’s way of thinking about his team members. Although he seemed standoff-ish, he did care about his team and knew the importance of teamwork. If you think about that aspect in real life; in many places (ex: jobs etc.) teamwork not only makes a job easier but develops professional relationships, networking connections, and can even perfect skills we need in this world.  I think this aspect will make the blades perform better. Instead of being emotionless zombies, they’ll be more open with each other as it is important to release how you are feeling/thinking. I know this seems unrealistic, but if they continue with this version of Voltron, it could happen. 

[being-worthy]

Sunday Home Cinema: Army of the Dead!!

I haven't done one of these reviews in a long time (thanks to Covid-19 ¬¬) but I'm glad this film was the one to get me back in doing these reviews.

Honestly, I found out about the film about two weeks ago when I clicked on it on YouTube out of curiosity. It looked good and I'm an all big fan of zombie films and series and every zombie-themed film/series, even if it's extremely bad made (e.g. Z Nation but it's so funny to watch).

Sorry for any mistakes or things that make not much sense but I'm writing this at 2.30am and I just wanted to write this down while it's still fresh (I might review it later on if I feel like it).

> SPOILER ALERT AHEAD!! <

Apparently, Zack Snyder's Army of the Dead (here's the trailer), which can be watched on Netflix, is the prequel of Dawn of the Dead from 2004 also directed by him, which was a remake of the George A. Romero classic. I've got a hard time seeing this due to the zombies being so different but well, let's just roll with it.

Scott Ward (played by Dave Bautista) is offered/hired for $50 million by Bly Tanaka (villain/businessman played by Hiroyuki Sanada) to break into a walled Las Vegas after it was overrun by a zombie outbreak starting at the outskirts of the city with patient zero aka alpha zombie Zeus (more to the different zombie types later on) to "apparently" retrieve $200 million that is stashed in a safe at the casino's basement. Basically, it's like Ocean's Eleven but with zombies giving the film a nice touch.

I knew from the moment Tanaka offered Scott this job that there was going to be more to it. Why else would a stinking rich guy like Tanaka need to have a group to retrieve some money when: a. the insurance paid him some of that money back. I know he mentions he can't use it but come on, people like him know how to find either a way around whatever rule there might be or even wash it. And b. he looks like a guy who understands how business works and is well off, so you're telling me he wants to send a group there just for $200 million? B*tch please, I'm sure that's just petty cash to him, and there's surely more to it, especially after one of his goons (Martin) "invites" himself to tag along with the group to "make sure" they get the job done.

If I was offered that kind of money to go to a completely sealed city ruled by zombies, I wouldn't accept it no matter how bad my situation might be. The probability that something might go sideways is too high not to mention the risk that the virus spreads out to the rest of the world, I wouldn’t be able to live with that on my conscience.

In order to pull off this heist Scott assembles a team for the mission:

Vanderohe, the tank and chainsaw man. There'll be a little paragraph for him since his fate doesn't make entirely sense to me.

Marianne Peters, the pilot.

Maria Cruz, the mechanic.

Kate Ward, a volunteer in the quarantine zone. She's Scott's daughter and the only (human) survivor in the film.

Geeta, the mother. She ventures into the zombie-infested Vegas to find money in order to pay for safe passage out of the quarantine zone for herself and her children. I believe she dies in the helicopter crash but we don't see her body, so she might be alive somewhat?

Ludwig Dieter, the thief/safe expert, and I love how he questions everything lol!

Lilly "The Coyote", "the one who knows her stuff" aka zombie expert. Somehow interesting that she's got a conscience/good heart.

Martin, the inside man, and Bly Tanaka's right hand and got the death he deserved by kitten Valentine.

Mikey Guzman, the Sharpshooter and a YouTuber.

Chambers, the muscles and Guzman's sidekick (sort of). Her death was very predictable and her own fault! Girl, why the hell would you tell Martin that you don't trust him directly to his face?! That's such a rookie mistake!!

Burt Cummings, also the muscle for like 5 minutes before turning into the bait/bargain chip for a "deal" with the zombies in order to pass their territory. Overall, he's just a big jerk.

We see the first five people are survivors of the outbreak when Vegas was "freshly" being overrun by zombies and barely made it out of the city before it was completely sealed off. The rest of them are new characters. Almost none of them have any deep character story/feeling/development, most of them are quite plain and you don't care whether they survive or not. I've got also a hard time seeing any father-daughter relationship between Scott and Kate. I get that they haven't talked to each other since Scott had to put down Kate's mother after she got turned into a zombie but if I hadn’t seen the beginning I'd say they're just two strangers who met during the outbreak and he saved her at some point.

I very much like the fact that they introduce different types of zombies! On one hand, we've got the standard zombies aka shamblers who move slowly and are dead if you blow their brains out and if they bite you you become a shambler too. Then, there are the alphas who are fast (so fast that they can dodge bullets), they can also think, take orders, and are very organised. If you're bitten by one you become an alpha too but they also die if they're shot in the head which is easier said than done! We've also got a zombie horse, that's more bone than anything else, and a big tiger kitten called Valentine who used to be part of Siegfried & Roy's show (which also throws in the question, during which year is this movie set? They've both already passed away and they haven’t been retired from the entertainment world for a while before they passed away, and we see Tanaka carrying a modern mobile, so it must be during the past 2-3 our years.)

Their leader is patient zero aka Zeus who we see at the beginning being transported by a convoy of soldiers from Area 51 to somewhere else but never makes it there because he breaks free due to part of the convoy crashing into a car of a recent married (while the guy gets a blowjob and doesn’t watch the road!). He also takes the Bride as his queen (later on she's beheaded and her head still alive), who we see to be pregnant!! HOLY COW!! This throws in sooo many questions! For instance, how do zombies reproduce? The same way as we humans? What will the baby look like? Full zombie? A hybrid, half-human half-zombie? What power would they have? Do I even want to know or see this? Probably. Probably not. How many times did I wish they'd have introduced something like this in TWD (before I stopped watching it). At some point the virus that makes people zombies is supposed to mutate, every virus mutates at some point. We did already see a zombie baby in Dawn of the Dead but that was different since the woman was already in the late stages of pregnancy when she got bit. This one was one that was produced from zombie sex. I’ve got a feeling that their sex must be quite violent to say the least. Also, they way how the care for each other, especially Zeus for his Bride and child and seeks vengeance for both their deaths showing they’re capable of feeling and caring for their people. Maybe, just maybe want to find a way to survive without having to turn people but I think they’ll still need humans as a source of food. I don’t think they’re capable to live from eating normal food.

I've to make a special mention about Vanderohe. Besides, the fact that he's very attractive, there are a few things that don't make entirely sense to me.

He survives the nuclear blast of Las Vegas since he was looked inside the safe, which I can see being possible but (a little more possible than Indiana Jones seeking shelter in an old-fashioned fridge from a nuclear blast in Indiana Jones and Kingdom of Crystal Skull)... the whole city was nuked! And I mean big smoke of mushroom nuke! So, shouldn't the place, I don't know, be radioactive or something like that? And shouldn’t he find the nearest decontamination shower? Furthermore, it doesn't make sense that he gets infected, i.e. bitten. He gets into a fight with Zeus while they're in front of the safe and I watched that part several times and in slow motion too and we don't see Zeus bit him. There's one time where Zeus almost bites him but his teeth don't end up sinking into the flesh. He has Van in his hold, dislocates his right shoulder, and almost bites him there but only almost! In that same moment, Dieter hits Zeus in the head and pulls Van into the safe closing the door behind him (and most likely gets killed/turned by Zeus). I repeat there's no "visible" scene of Van being bitten by Zeus or any other zombie in another scene. So, where the f*ck did he get the bite and from who? I've also read that there's a theory of Van being immune because he's not turning as quick as the soldiers at the beginning of the movie when Zeus escapes the convoy (he still might be able to infect others though). He starts to feel lightheaded/dizzy and his body feels cold to the touch on the plane, and around the bite we see the veins turning black but that's it.

As much as I love the concept of the movie, it's very predictable as well as easy to figure out who makes it out alive and who makes it out the other kind of "alive" and it also reminded me a bit of Resident Evil (the first film was good and the rest just a waste). Tanaka wanting a fresh sample of an Alpha to make a virus that enables him to create an army of zombies he can control and take over the world. He could be Wesker's twin and his company the equivalent of the Umbrella Corporation. It's worth to watch but it doesn't compare to other zombie films such as 28 Days Later or even Dawn of the Dead (the classic and newer version), and many others.

[madsdefencesquad]

I'm sorry if I came off as rude! I know you were joking. It's just something that I've thought of as well. Like, they've always wanted kids, so I believe it's quite possible for them to want more in the future. Obviously not right now, they still need to get to know each other, figure out their dynamic, end up falling in love in the process and there's also a lot of other stories to explore. But Kevin is always glowing when he sees children, we've never got to see Madison with kids, but I'm +

assuming she is the same. She's also played a huge role in Jack's life so far, even if it's indirectly. She helped Kate feel confident with her pregnancy, she was there for his birth, she was there when there consultant was giving tips to raising a visually impaired child and Jack laughed, she was the one who chose the pineapple strings light that he loves so much. So I can see them at first being totally committed to their twins, but when the twins are a little older and independent, I can see them contemplating the idea again? 

They surely have the financial means to have more children, I just think managing the time that is a little tricky. Because there is the pregnancy and the newborn phase and they're aging too. So if they ever decide to have a third (or more) child(ren), I can see them considering adoption. Not only because I like it (I also come from a blended family with an adoption history, but I overall love the idea of people choosing each other), but because her pregnancy will probably be a little rocky too. 

So they could adopted a child like 2 or 3 years younger than the twins, that would allow the three of them to be close while K/M could still enjoy a child that's a little more dependent on them. Of course it depends of when we are talking about. Like, maybe when the twins are 7 and already going to school, sleeping at their friends' house and stuff, they decide to adopt a four-year-old. Who knows. I'm good with whatever, because they're already having a boy a girl, so it's already a large family and their children will share their childhood. I'm just hoping for a lot of family time because I'm a sucker for all of that.

First of all, I’m a HUGE sucker for family time so give me all and everything with these two. Kevin’s such an incredible uncle and he will just be a top-notch dad to boot, like his kids will absolutely adore him (they already look like they do!) and you know, he’d be their version of Jack Pearson 🥺

I’m actually pretty bummed that we didn’t get to see any scenes of Madison with baby Jack though, like even just carrying him around, because we know how doting and caring she is to the point of threatening to kill bill everyone so she can raise him with Kate by themselves. But I think they’re 100% saving it for the new season. You made such an amazing point about that on your Kevison interviews masterlist (👏👏👏👏) so I hope that they use Kevin seeing Madison be so doting to his nephew as one of the manyyy reasons why he falls in love with her. Like, who wouldn’t fall in love with someone who loves your nephew just as much as you, and knowing that you’re going to have your own children together! How much more would she be so doting to your own kids!  It’s grounds for the most adorable romance and I am ALL FOR IT.

As for the adoption, I am all for it! But personally, I’d love to see them just spend as much time as they can with their twinnies and that even when they’re a bit older and are going on sleepovers and leaving the house more often, that Kevin and Madison can spend some time with each other too and having their own downtime. I mean, as much as I’d love for them to continue having a little one running around to occupy them, it’d be great to see them spend some quality time with each other too since they’ll pretty much have a very limited time to do so since their kiddos are going to be born straight after they’ve fallen in love! hahah 

Like, I could see them being the kind of parents who will have such a hard time letting their kids go (esp. Kevin!!) but once they’ve grown and are off to college, I can see Kevin and Madison doing their own thing like travelling a lot more together, going on holidays together and seeing the world and just having lots of quality married time together and sending postcards to their kids or Facetiming them while lounging on a catamaran in the Bahamas, and embarrassing their kids with loved-up photos of their parents. It’ll be the cutest and they most definitely deserve to heap on so much love on each other too. Perhaps when they’re much older though, they can set up an adoption agency and/or even a non-profit organisation for sheltering and housing children, etc. They’d absolutely be the type to do it! But in any case, either they adopt or not, they’ll be absolutely amazing parents 🧡🧡

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Link to my masterlist for earlier chapters or other stuff I've written

His Queen

Part 3

Bri ripped open the letter, amazed it was handwritten and in cursive! Knowing Roman, he had an assistant write it, but she felt a warmth in her chest knowing he’d truly loved her all along.

To My Queen, Briana Godfrey,

(Admit it! That sounds way better than Tucker, have the lawyers change it.)

Oh, and before I get into it, I wrote this myself. No assistants, so fuck you for thinking it.

Bri smiled a sad smile at how they still knew how the other thought.

I have to start off by saying thank you for reading this letter. That means you're at the white tower. I don't deserve you. I've turned into everything I never wanted to become. Everything you made me believe I could escape. You are the light to my darkness and I'm so sorry I disappointed you. I don’t have a lot of time, but I needed a plan in case I fail. You’re the only person I trust with my company, my money, my daughter, my legacy, my heart, all of it. I am an absolute crack head level blood addict, and I couldn’t trust myself when we got overly emotional to keep my head. Because I love you so much, you can make me so upset, and That last fight we got into, I scared myself. I don’t blame you for slapping me, but to hold back from returning the blow, I literally broke my own hand... but this is not what this letter is about.

Peter and my sick half-sister Annie have stolen my daughter. Peter is hell-bent on destroying me because he killed Destiny's trash fiance, and lied about it, so she blamed me and attacked me and I hurt her bad enough to foresee issues with peter, so I broke her neck to avoid problems figuring it was showing her some mercy since she was heartbroken. Annie was there and when I refused to carry on an incestuous relationship with her, she turned on me and told Peter about Destiny. So he came after me and fucking shot me, we fought and I won, but didn't cut his head off so I knew he’d be fine. Well, he calls me and has my kid and won't turn her over, and says he's going to kill me so even though I doubt it, Nadia needs someone to raise her, and if I'm killed it's not my whore of a sister Annie. I need you to find Nadia and take her home and raise her as she deserves. She’s such a sweet baby and she adores you.

Find Shelley and she can help you maybe. She’s in love with this weird old poet and chooses to live at the old steel mill. Calls it Rooster Poop. Can’t make this shit up.

The entire security team is trying to find Nadia, so contact them and see where they’re at with it.

you are the love of my life and I refused to ever say so, even though we both knew it was true. I would bullshit and say it’s cuz I was saving you from myself, but I’m not that fucking noble. You scared me more than anything ever scared me in my life. God, it's great to admit I love you. Like I need to make up a new word for how I feel for you cuz love isn’t strong enough.

there’s a pretty poem I saw that reminded me of you;

I’d still choose you.

In a hundred lifetimes,

in a hundred worlds,

in any version of reality,

I’d find you and I’d choose you.

Even though I knew you were going to break my heart again and again.

I’d still choose you.

It’s crazy how happy I am writing you a letter, even with every aspect of my life in shambles, you’re my light.

You get everything. Fuck all of them. You were right about everything. If I survive this shit, I am winning you back if it takes 100 years and I have to spend every cent. This is literally a reset.

I tried to forget your baby girl but I never could. No amount of drugs, money, blood, or bullshit could ever distract me from the constant ache in my heart for only you. You’re the only pussy I ever wanna see again. I ran thru a fantastic amount of pussy after you left and none of them made me forget you for even a moment. I pictured you or I could not get off. It was pathetic. I hope I get to see you again and rip up this fucking letter.

I looked back over this and there’s a reason I have other people write shit up for me. A few requests to seriously consider:

-->Blitzky should take over for Pryce. Not only is he a genius, he's a good guy. He's a bit soft, so you may have to be the bad guy.

-->Get a new nanny. The current one looks good on paper but she's an idiot.

--> Live in the white tower. It's secure and safe and you can make as many floors as you like home.

--> if an animal killed me, it's Peter and he's still a wolf. He’ll be white. Kill him, cut off his head and burn him up in the incinerator.

--> if Annie comes around at all, kill her. She's very manupulative and acts religious and nice. She's crazy and not to be trusted.

-->try and convince Shelley to live in the mansion and have her little homeless community there. She doesn't care about money but she cares about people, so offer it as a safe haven. Make sure it stays stocked in necessities like toilet paper, soap, cleaning materials, etc and write it all off as a charity contribution. Make the whole endeavor a big tax write off, but don't tell Shelley that part. Just tell her it was my dying wish she had a home.

--> the loser she's with has legal problems. Have the legal department solve them so he's got no reason to desert her.

-->if Peters mom comes sniffing around, don't tell her a damn thing. I doubt she will tho, she's a wanted fugitive.

--> don't trust any gypsies.

--> Nadia is very intelligent. She can read minds, influence dreams, and kill anyone or anything just by looking at them. She's dangerous and shouldn't be allowed around animals or people until she can understand the concept of death and consequences. There's no way to control her, I have found.

--> I promised a homeless man I ate that id pay for his sons school. Anonymously pay for Mathew Shandwicks classes, books and dorm at Penn State for all 4 years. His father traded his life without a single complaint so it's imperative you keep my word.

-->make sure Nadia isn't a spoiled brat like me. Teach her about her mother and her father and all the good things about us. Leave out we were related if you can swing it. Just say we were young and loved each other very much. I enclosed a pack of photos of me and Letha for her.

I wonder what you’re wearing... That reminds me; if I’m really dead, you have to be in mourning at least two years. That means all black suits and dresses that cover you up, black nails, big black hats like you just left a Catalina Yacht Mixer or you’re going to a royal wedding. I even got you black lab coats just in case.Don’t half ass this. It’s important.

Also I want “Fuck you” by the Archives played at my funeral, if it comes to that.

Hopefully, you never see this letter because I got everything fixed here, and went and found you and you ran into my arms and we lived happily ever after, and I have a whole lifetime with you... But just in case...

All my love,

Roman Godfrey

P.s. - since you're a genius, hopefully you can fix me or bring me back. I hope you still love me even 10% as much as I love you, because then nothing can stop us.

Brianna stared at the page as her tears fell on it swirling the ink in designs and spirals. She knew he’d always loved her, but it was bittersweet seeing him finally admit it. She took the photos out of the envelope and looked through them.

Looking through the pictures was heart-wrenching. There had to be a way to fix all this! She tried to remember everything she’d learned about Upirs from that dreadful Russian women and Pryce. Luckily they’d been a bit of an obsession for her that she delved into when Roman pulled his shit. Being obsessed with Upirs had distracted her from obsessing over the real issue.

Just as she started to wonder when Mueller and Edwards would be back, as if by magic, the elevator doors opened. They had brought Dr. Blitzkey with them as well.

“Oh my gosh! You’re alive! I’m so happy to see you’re ok and still here!” Bri said as she ran up and embraced Blitzky. “Where is Roman? I need to see him.”

Blitzky looked at the ground nervously before meeting your eyes. “It’s not fixable.”

“No matter. I just NEED to see him. Please?” She begged.

“Okay. He has several severe traumatic injuries so please prepare yourself for that.”

“What happened to him?”

“Some Type of animal attacked him in the old mansion and pushed him out the upper story window, fracturing his spine and neck which most likely left him paralyzed and vulnerable. His throat and heart were then ripped out.”

“Peter.” Bri said darkly. He was going to pay for his betrayal. She would make sure of that.

“I mean that’s the most logical conclusion but after all Roman did for that little degenerate, ” Blitzky muttered.

Bri nodded solemnly.

“Hate to interrupt your happy little party but we have several forms that need immediate attention, to get this shit show back on the road,” Edwards interjected.

“They’ll have to wait till after I see Roman. You lead the way Blitzkey, you two stay here.” She said firmly stepping into the elevator with the doctor. Both lawyers looked furious but did as they were told since they were honestly intimidated by this young woman that had all this piled on her, and seemed unfazed.

As soon as the doors closed she sank to her knees and screamed. The tears came flooding out of her eyes as her body was wracked by sobs. It’s like she’d been hit by a truck. The realization that Roman was really gone finally sinking in.

Blitzky didn’t know what he should do. He was a genius, but completely clueless when it came to social and interpersonal skills. He hesitantly patted Bri on the head like a golden retriever, unsure how long was comforting so he just kept doing it. “You’re strong.”

Bri glanced up at Blitzky through her foggy tears and couldn't help but agree. She WAS strong.

The elevator opened to their floor as she looked down at the floor.

“Well” Blitzkey peeped, unsure of what to do, “this is it.”

“We have to fix him Blitzkey. There’s got to be a way.” she said rising to her feet, as if the little display he just witnessed never happened.

“You’re the boss.” Blitzky said as cheerful as he could muster.

“I’m giving you Pryce’s position. I trust you.”

“Thank you! I wasn't sure if maybe you'd want to take charge.... What will you do? Take over for Roman?”

“Until I can bring him back, I guess I’ll have to. I will bring him back Blitzkey.... If I have to make a deal with the Devil himself.” Bri stated adamantly before setting off down the hall like a woman possessed.

[killian-whump]

do you know what it is that Prof Harrison whispered to Carrie? I tried hard to listen but I couldn't hear it. I know it was something "demeaning", so I assumed maybe like to call him daddy or something, but I'm still rather curious.

Okay! Here I am, locked and loaded, ready to make this post!

This question was driving me nuts as well, and I was full of ideas and guesses, but no concrete answers… so I got myself a digital copy of the book (perfect for searching through so I don’t miss a damn thing!) and set to work. This research, combined with multiple rewatching of scenes from the film and some recent comments made by Colin and the book’s author, has led me to…

Absolutely have no 100% concrete answer for you. Sorry!

HOWEVER!!! I have some pretty solid educated guesses that are close enough to sating my own curiosity… so hopefully, maybe they’ll sate yours, too.

First of all, I firmly believe there is not only one, but two things Professor Harrison asks Carrie to say. This is because, simply put, the book and the movie paint Professor Harrison and his relationship with Carrie in different lights. I had already come to this conclusion last night, only to find some Twitter comments made this morning that basically confirm it. When fans pointed out that they wanted to know what (a) the author intended Harrison to have said and (b) what Colin had in his mind when portraying the character on film, Caren Lissner said she knew (a) and that (b) was “probably worse” - to which Colin answered, “I know both.” Both responses imply that there is, in fact, two different (but similar, I’m sure) answers to the “What did he want her to say?” mystery.

And that makes sense, because the novel and the movie have wildly different takes on the relationship. In the book, there is no “first edition” book she loans him and he never returns. There is no big showdown with her father. There is no punch in the face. The book makes it much clearer that the relationship between Professor Harrison and Carrie is much more an equal meeting of minds that have a lot in common and have true depth of feeling for each other. Yes, both of them. Professor Harrison does not come off as much as a predator feasting on a young, inexperienced student. He comes off as a man who is likely as lost and lonely as Carrie, stunted socially due to a lot of the same issues, and while he enjoys her innocence and youth, it doesn’t come off as skeevy as the film portrays it.

However, both relationships come to the same end when Carrie refuses to say this “mystery phrase” he asks her to say to him in bed. The movie portrays this as a sudden request out of nowhere that leads to the immediate end of the relationship. In the novel, it is more of a slowly building maelstrom that eventually explodes, leading him to end things. Again, two very different scenarios are presented. So to answer the question “What does he ask her to say?” one needs to look at the two stories separately to really answer it.

We’ll look at the book first, since it is what the movie is (mostly) based on. The book is narrated in first person by Carrie herself, so everything we learn about Professor Harrison and their relationship is, of course, skewed by her own lens. But this style of narration also gives us some important insights into Carrie’s actual thought process and who she is. Within the first few pages, she states that she is asexual. She reiterates this multiple times throughout the entire book. Not only is she asexual, but she feels the rest of the world is “sex-obsessed” and she has some truly archaic thoughts about the moral bankruptcy of sex in general. At one point, she literally states to her friend Kara, “It’s immoral for a reason.” She never says what that “reason” is, and even admits she isn’t religious and doesn’t buy into the biblical reasons for the supposed “immorality” of sex. Still, it’s pretty safe to say that Carrie Pilby has some serious issues with sex.

The book also tells us that Professor Harrison was the first and only man Carrie has ever had sex with. They had sex multiple times over the span of the several weeks they were involved, though Carrie at one point refers to their lovemaking as “incidents” and reveals that they always left her feeling “sore and unfulfilled” afterwards. It is also made clear in her conversations with Kara about the affair that she never once enjoyed being with him sexually, though she didn’t think he was inept (Kara disagreed, insisting he must have been inept if he never figured out how to pleasure Carrie). She admits to her therapist at one point that she had sex with Harrison to “see what it was like” and so that people would stop assuming her inexperience is the cause for her lack of interest in sex.

To me, what Professor Harrison asked Carrie to do for him in the novel is fairly obvious. Over the course of their relationship, they seemed to have connected on a deeply intellectual level, but they simply could not connect sexually. It’s a very common problem in relationships between sexual and asexual people. The problem is that David Harrison thought the problem with his young lover was her inexperience and “prude” nature. He was obviously trying to get her to open up to him and become an active partner in their lovemaking by telling him what she wanted and how to please her. The book seems to be speaking less of one magical phrase he asks her to utter, and more of the kinds of things he wanted her to say. And, as with the movie, he prompts her to share these things with him by asking her, explicitly, “What do you want me to do to you?” She even begins to answer him, saying, “I want… I want you to…” and then she breaks down and can’t do it. The novel also states at one point that the things he asked her to say were “not only dirty,” but that the words were also “harsh” - But remember, everything in the novel is coming from Carrie, as the narrator. She does not tend to swear (if she ever does, I don’t think so) and she truly believes sex is immoral, unnecessary and unpleasant. Even the most benign phrases would be dirty, harsh and unnatural in her world view.

Further evidence that whatever he asked her to say was absolutely nothing unusual whatsoever, when Carrie reveals to Kara the reason why things ended with Professor Harrison, Kara confirms she’s better off without him and adds, “If you’re not a person who feels comfortable saying ‘boo,’ then you shouldn’t have to say boo.“ If what Harrison was asking her to say was truly heinous or unnatural, Kara would not feel the need to stress that it doesn’t matter what’s being asked or how common it is, if one doesn’t feel comfortable, they should not be required to do it.

I truly believe that novel Professor Harrison simply wanted Carrie to tell him what she wanted him to do in bed, and was unaware (or did not care) that Carrie simply lacked any sexual desires in the first place.

Which brings us to movie Professor Harrison. He’s a work of something, alright. He moves in on Carrie with practiced finesse and easily seduces her, persuading Carrie to give up her innocence literally (her virginity) and figuratively (the book). The movie goes out of its way to paint this character as a villain, changing him from an awkward middle-aged man to a smooth predator and adding in the final showdown where he gets his “comeuppance”. There is no comeuppance in the novel, because it really isn’t necessary. The closest the novel comes to it is when Carrie realizes Cy is “better at everything” than Professor Harrison was - the first time someone measures up against him and comes out on top, thus vanquishing the specter of his perceived perfection in Carrie’s eyes.

Mind you, this is not any kind of error on anyone’s part! No one misinterpreted the book or the script or anything. It’s an obvious change the filmmakers made to give the film a clear “bad guy” to get popped in the nose and zipped by a one-liner in order to let the audience know “look! everything’s right in the world again!” Which is why even the book’s author acknowledged that what she intended the Professor to say and what Colin envisioned the professor saying are two different things and the movie version is “probably worse”.

And as for that request made in the movie… I personally think it was very likely something related to age-play. The signs are all there. The movie is definitely painting him as a predator preying on a young student - a characterization supported by Colin’s own assertions that his character is pretty much an irredeemable scumbag. There’s also the scene in the restaurant, when he comments emphatically about how he “hated being treated like a child…” and then looks at her expectantly and asks “How ‘bout you?” That’s called fishing, folks. He’s feeling her out to see if the idea of being treated like a child is something she is okay with or not. He also is rather domineering with the wine glass, instructing her precisely how to do something as banal as sipping wine. (Book Harrison is also said to enjoy teaching Carrie things, but she also mentions loving how their every conversation left her feeling like they’d both learned three new things from each other. There is no give and take in movie Harrison’s instruction. He’s simply telling her how it’s to be done and she’s doing it.)

It’s also worth noting that in the novel, Carrie does not use the word “demeaning” to refer to the request Harrison makes of her. That is another addition made to the movie - and I think it’s a telling one, implying that what he is asking her is not something lovers normally say to each other (as the book seems to hint at), but something that would be humiliating for Carrie. The book makes it very clear that Carrie feels that she and Harrison were equals, misfits finding a place with a fellow misfit. There is no indication that Harrison ever made her feel inferior to him - nor wanted to. Movie Harrison, however, has a very patronizing way of talking to Carrie that makes a “demeaning” request seem entirely in character for him.

So there’s my educated guesses. In a nutshell:Book Harrison wanted Carrie to tell him how to please her in bed.Movie Harrison wanted her to say some kinky ageplay stuff.