#And I know I never responded to them publicly because honestly it was a lot

[alltimefail-sims]

The anon who sent me 13 messages about how annoying it is that nearly all my Strangerville characters are some variation of queer is not gonna be happy when they find out that like half of my featured Chestnut Ridge characters in Lea's gameplay are also some variation of queer.

Oopsie 🤷‍♀️

[catboybiologist]

Hi! I’m CatboyBiologist.

Formerly a femboy, now a trans woman just starting HRT, and a PhD student in molecular biology. I started using this online persona as a fun, shitposty way to explore gender a few years ago. I post selfies (generally sfw, but somewhat sexy, so minors and ppl who don’t like that have been warned), rambles about science, tutorials and advice from the stuff I’ve learned by being a femboy in the past, nature pictures, stuff about the ocean, my adorable grumpy little tortoise, and unsolicited opinions on random nerdy topics. Any pronouns are fine. I don’t plan to socially transition for a while, and still present as a man most of the time, so I’m used to whatever you wanna use for me (for now, I’ll update this if that changes). Please send me pictures of your pets or other cute animals in your life!

As a scientist, I’m also documenting my transition! This google sheet will be updated at least monthly. I also have additional metrics I’m keeping to myself, and pictures that go with this, but I’m not sharing them publicly yet. Keep in mind that this is just one person’s experience with HRT, and may not represent universal trends!

Adding a little something here, bc I think it was an interesting bit a writing: if you want to see me respond to a transphobe about what "biologically female" means, here's a thing I wrote about it. CW for transphobia and discussion, obviously.

Also, if any of my measurements look weird, its entirely possible I fucked up. Let me know if anything looks off!

Here’s some of my favorite pre-HRT pictures:

If you want to see more of my pre-HRT selfies, browse the “femboy” tag on my blog!

And as of this writing, I’m only 2 days after the start of HRT, so here’s a picture with my tortoise that’s technically post-HRT (but with 0 time for actual changes):

If you want to see my future post-HRT selfies, browse the “trans selfie” tag on my blog!

Also here's another really cute picture and fanart of my tortoise by @whalesharkcat:

I have affectionately given my tortoise the title of The Grumpus.

I also wrote a couple of tutorials and general vibes about being a femboy before I started HRT:

Sometimes I make shitposts of myself, I don’t take myself too seriously:

This includes the way I came out on tumblr:

And here’s an overly serious, long ramble about trans thoughts and things that I wrote shortly afterwards:

Later addition: Someone asked how I take selfies, so I wrote a quick and dirty guide with some tips on how I do so in response to their ask:

Oh yeah and apparently I was a 196 microcelebrity? I never to thought I was popular enough for that but apparently some people do 🤷‍♀️. So uh, hi 196 tags, I'm abusing you for my pinned post LOL

As for terminology, I personally do think of myself as a “man who is becoming a woman” as opposed to having always been a woman. If that doesn’t resonate with your experience, I totally get that! But that’s why I freely call pre-HRT me a femboy, while still calling post-HRT me a trans woman. I’m also keeping the blog name as CatboyBiologist for the forseeable future, because at this point, Catboy just seems like a gender neutral term to me.

I’m also trying to put together a script for a podcast regarding how studying biology influenced my perspective on sex and gender- lmk if there’s any interest in that! It’s probably gonna be way too long and indulgent but oh well.

So uh. Yeah. I don’t end these types of things well. Byeeeeee

[laithraihan]

now i’m kinda curious to hear what you think of proshipping.. if you don’t mind of course

I'll share my thoughts, and if theres anything I say that doesnt make sense feel free to point it out to me because I mostly write with the help of a translator. Under the cut because I wrote too much stuff.

TLDR: proshippers hate me because I dont want to look at glorified depictions of pedophilia/incest/etc, antis hate me because my content isnt 100% sanitized. I stay around anti circles because I find it slightly easier for me to talk about my headcanons with them even though I think they can be insufferable.

So the thing about proshipping. From what I've seen it means being "anti-harassment" and being in support of curating your online experience, which sounds great on paper and that's practically what I do. I have over 3k accounts blocked on my personal twitter to navigate the website more easily and I also dont care if someone blocks me if they dont like my stuff.

Except proshippers never consider me a proshipper because I am uncomfortable with viewing glorified depictions of topics like pedophilia, incest, rape, all that stuff. The same way people are uncomfortable with excessive blood and gore (which I also can't really handle seeing). Whether or not it's always easy to tell if it's glorified is an entirely different topic, which is precisely why I stay away from all depictions in general to avoid being intrusive.

And what's interesting is that I do not label myself an "anti". Mainly because I don't even know what the term "anti" is supposed to mean ("anti-" what exactly. Genuinely please tell me because I actually dont know) But the ones who label themselves "proship" always call me an anti, because again I do not wish to engage with content related to pedophilia etc, and that alone apparently enough to be considered "a person who harasses others over fiction" even if I mind my own business and have no interest in forcing my personal tastes on others, especially if they make it clear that they wont change their mind. Which makes me believe that for a lot of self-identified proshippers, the definition of being "proship" would be more similar to "I love fucked up stuff and if you dont then youre lame and it obviously means you can't tell the difference between fiction and reality" which honestly seems like insecurity to me.

Forgive me for bringing up this up once again but I want to mention an example to make it easier for me to explain: yknow the whole thing with me drawing Minori and Reigen and labelling it "non-cp" which caused a wave of both self-identified antis and proshippers harassing me over that (I'll say that proshippers were more bold about it since the antis harassing me were all anonymous). Proshippers saw me saying "I dont ship that" and interpreted it as me being defensive and in denial, as if I said "guys I swear Im an anti !!! please dont think im a proshipper !!! ", when I meant "I dont want to discuss this with others in a shipping manner because thats not how I see it and I dont want to enter a space Im not comfortable with"

I admit I responded to this situation in a petty manner, but this was after several days of harassment done directly in my inbox and publicly (sometimes I wish yall remembered that group chats and priv accounts exist). My point is that simply saying you don't like seeing pedophilia in fiction is enough for proshippers to believe it's justified for them to harass you over it (and I'm fully aware they'll say it's not harassment, only when antis and "puriteens" do this to them then it's harassment)

Now about the anti side. Don't get me started on them either. If proshippers see me as an enemy then this must mean that I always get along with the ones who call themselves "antis" (I do not). Note that Im only talking about adults here, I dislike beefing with children and I think their feelings about this are entirely reasonable (I'll elaborate on this when talking about internet safety)

But anyways. I think a lot of adults are discourse-brained and do way too much. Im thinking of nonsense like "this ship is problematic because they are 'sibling-coded' so thats basically incest" "siblings giving each other a hug gives me proship vibes" things of that nature. And you're not allowed to do anything that even has the smallest possibility of being interpreted as "problematic", because then they'll harass you for it, and if you clarify your intentions, they expect you to apologize for "misleading" them because clearly they didnt do anything wrong by making assumptions about you.

There's almost no room allowed for creativity with them, everyone has to follow fanon because they consider it canon, if you ever want to try something other than the same boring domestic fluff then it's "too much" (and not even platonic affection is acceptable to draw in certain cases). Which is incredibly fucking boring to me who wants to see different types of content. People even said I was enjoying incest for drawing Reigen selfcest, and that I was "making others uncomfortable" by drawing it. Genuinely seems to me that they only care about moral superiority, that they never think about anything in depth, and I dont think they realize that it also shows in what they create: boring and repeated fanart and headcanons where the only thing you can say about it is "thats cute", nothing more because you saw it ten billion times already. You cant draw two people showing platonic affection that absolutely nobody would bat an eye if it happened in real life, you cant discuss something specific in more depth without people saying you have a fetish for it, and then they'll harass you based on their speculation that it's a fetish. I dont think many realize this, but fandoms are full of autistic people, so it's normal to see people who are interested in very specific things that dont make sense to others! I wish people were less judgmental, but at the same time I dont care if people think Im weird. I think what I mean is theres no reason to mistreat weird people who do no harm to others.

So yeah if you call yourself an "anti" I'll assume youre spend too much time engaging in fandom discourse and you're the type of person to believe that fanart where two people are holding hands is the equivalent to drawing them fucking each other. Which I think is a very childish mindset to have and it's worrying that many adults think this way. I also think that as an adult they should be capable of blocking stuff they hate instead of constantly arguing with people online because at this point it's just mental torture.

The thing about internet safety I mentioned earlier, I'd say this is the one thing that I'll always prioritize discussing whenever proship discourse comes up.... To put it simply: filter and limit the visibility of your content, do not put triggering stuff in the main tags, stay in your own circles. Whether or not you believe fictional rape/pedophilia/etc is bad is irrelevant, my point is that these are objectively triggering topics and should be filtered just like how there are warnings for violence and blood even if it's not real.

"But it's the parents' responsibility to control what kids look at online, this has nothing to do with me!" and I agree with the parents being the ones Primarily responsible. However the reality is that children are online and there's nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Kids will also enter spaces theyre not allowed in, theyre children and children are rebellious especially teenagers, I was like this as a teenager too. You'd be lying if you said you were always obedient since childhood and never did anything you were told Not to do. And you can't really expect teenagers to always block and not interact if they see something triggering. It's your responsibility to block them if they interact with you, because what I see most of the time is adults bickering with teenagers who are uncomfortable, calling them "puriteens", putting them on blast and allowing other adults including NSFW accounts to dunk on them.

Humiliating and degrading teenagers does not "teach them a lesson", it only makes the teenager more stubborn and reactive. Adults must accept that kids will always find their way in there even if your content isnt easily accessible. So I think it's stupid to feel offended at a child because they got upset when they found upsetting content like how any normal child would react. Which is why I wish more adults would keep blocking without saying anything petty to provoke teenagers.

Before someone pancake-waffles me and says "so youre fine with antis doxxing people" no I do not support doxxing. Ive been doxxed so I know it sucks. However the only times Ive seen it go this far is after continuous arguing because nobody knows when to stop. Im not saying this applies all the time nor am I saying doxxing is fine, but there are ways to minimize this sort of outcome as much as possible. Both sides have doxxed people over petty arguments that couldve easily been avoided if they just blocked each other and moved on.

The topic above (internet safety) is probably the only thing related to this where Im actively telling others what they should be doing. It's not only teenagers who are triggered by depictions of pedophilia etc but also adults like myself. In my case Im old enough to block content I dislike without saying a word, however I cant help but think that there's not enough being done about filtering especially when I do not search for this type of content and I still see it all the time.

I also think it's important for me to mention that I have a very poor sense of morality. I do not have a personal moral code that I adhere to, and I mostly stick to the basic universal ones that make sense to me. So I will not discuss the "morals" of consuming this stuff because I am not adequate to share an opinion on this, and I know the most popular topic of discussion related to proship discourse is morality which I frankly find counterproductive. I dont understand why people should care so much if I find something morally correct or not, unless it's to make themselves feel better about having a "superior opinion" to mine. Though I will say that if a man tells me he's into rape "but only in fiction!" then I dont think it will stop me of imagining myself bashing his skull repeatedly with large rocks. Maybe Im too mistrustful of men in general.

Final point I want to clarify is that I am not trying to assert some sort of superiority over people by disliking both sides, like saying "Im not an anti or a proshipper Im a Normal person" or something like that, and Im not expressing a "neutral" stance on the topic of fiction's influence on reality either. There are topics like racism and orientalism in fiction that Im vocal about (which is expected since Im Algerian). I genuinely believe there are many things that are interesting to discuss and should be prioritized, but too many people are chronically online, subjective and defensive, at this point I dont even think it's accurate to say that disliking one side automatically means you support the other side regarding fiction. To me, "proship discourse" is not about the debate of the effects of fiction on reality, censorship in media, etc. It's about everything I described earlier that happens online.

[soft-pine]

woke up to these lovely DMs and while I'm of course not going to post this person's account, I am going to respond publicly. (cn discussion of SA)

okay so to preface this, you're somewhat correct. what we are doing - what we are all doing is an interpretive task. objectivity really doesn't exist - on my side or yours. and i'm not claiming it does. i have said and said again and said over again that i'm not trying to exclude or skew things. but sometimes i am simply not going to interpret a scene the way someone else does. and that's okay. please take your own notes! hell copy-paste mine and delete everything you don't like! add whatever you want!

that said, i made these notes with the intention for it to be useful to other people so if it seems like something is categorized wrong or not included, we can talk about it. i've said and said again and said over again that i am open to specific feedback. and where i have received specific feedback, i've made the small changes suggested!

but this is not specific. and honestly is virtually meaningless to me at this point. just because the notes don't sit right with your feelings about the show is not, in and of itself, proof i've missed anything. especially, especially because one of the reasons i made this document is because i saw frequent, unsubstantiated claims get circulated widely and i wanted more information to fall back on. so tell me what i've missed specifically or don't bother.

i'm sorry that you don't like that post. but honestly things can have some fucking layers. do both sam & dean make jokes to each other that make light of SA & demons, yes. are they both men who were raised in a misogynistic culture and have better and worse moments at treating each other and those around them with respect, yes. do i fucking hate meg and wish she would stop assaulting both of them, YES!

was i pointing out that there is a pattern of dean thinking about femininity and women and being embodied as a woman, yeah. it's not like i cannot engage with that comment in multiple ways. it's not like it's not in my notes.

but also like i don't go search up posts about sam's gender by people who are primarily interested in sam and say how their post is shitty to or diminishing of or not fully accounting for everything dean has experienced. that would be a waste of my time and theirs. i'm sorry i didn't talk enough about waffles in my post about pancakes but you're not in an ihop. you're in my kitchen right now. i make pancakes. we are eating pancakes.

but i take issue with again and again. point me to it. show me where dean does this again and again? like i am genuinely asking what am i missing. where is the repeated mocking? tell me what episode, what scene and i will add it to my notes and my understanding. heck! if you don't have that information, i'd take a gifset or a sam-centric meta post and put the puzzle pieces together myself.

i don't know what to tell you. these notes were compiled over the course of over a year and two full supernatural rewatches plus some. i am currently rewatching supernatural. i am never not watching supernatural. i am never not taking notes.

and i fully own my dean-centric POV. that's not gonna change. but that doesn't mean that as i was watching the show, side-by-side with the transcript page open, rewinding and double-checking and adding notes, that i was just leaving things out willy-nilly that didn't fit into my view. honestly, when i started these notes (primarily to record how sam & dean articulated their feelings about john), i didn't expect a lot of these categories to turn out this way. i don't need them to be like this to love dean and i was and am open to corrections that change these numbers. but you have to tell me what they are. and not just claim they simply must exist.

now on to this. honestly if you've been even an ounce as careful looking over my notes as i was making them, you'd find that a lot of the dialogue about possession being like SA comes from dean. that is not to say that i don't think that's how sam experienced it or that he can't feel it without saying it aloud or that fans can't interpret that that is how he is likely feeling.

but don't come here and tell me i need to consider this when i fucking marked down all the times in season 5 that dean compares the prospect of michael possessing him to rape. when i watched the scene in 14.03 when dean undresses the clothes michael dressed him in. when this is like one of the main themes of my main fic. like you don't know me. dont come on my blog and scroll down far enough to find a post you hate and then tell me you can somehow know all my thoughts on a topic that post wasn't even about.

i have never claimed that dean is being victimized by sam. if that's what you get from my notes that honestly says more about you than me.

and that's the real issue isn't it. i simply must be so biased but you all... all the people yelling at me that i've missed so much are, what... not engaged in an interpretive task with inherent imperfections and bias?

i am trying to be as honest, open, correctable, and sincere as i can about this but i don't have to skew my document until the numbers look right to you.

[sweetstench]

answering a bunch of questions

i get lots of asks but i'm bad at responding to them, so here's a big post where i answer all of em in a row. sorry if i missed any

thank you! honestly voice acting for my videos has helped me a lot over the years; I find it a lot easier to experiment with my voice in character, when it’s detached from my own ego. re: publicly transitioning, i can only speak from my own experience, but i’ve found it just takes a lot of baby steps to get where you want to be. it’s awkward at first but i much prefer to be awkwardly me rather than someone i’m not. i believe in you!

thanks, that's very considerate! yeah i'm sweetstench on youtube, tiktok, and twitter, and i'm sweet.stench on ig because someone else got it. i'll add the links to my blog header at some point, i hardly know how to use this website

i'm carter amelia davis, and i don't make creepy videos, all of my videos are nice :)

NO!!! that is not ok

hmm i live in minneapolis, that must have been my philly doppelganger

cool, i'm glad i did a good job tagging that one. someone actually requested the “parasite” tag for that one so i added it. it seems like people really want to define their own experiences on here and i respect that. tagging my posts kinda makes it so I can’t post “in character,” but i also don’t want people to be uncomfortable. my goal with the gore and body horror shit is to be nasty, so i can’t fault people for finding it nasty, haha. just trying to do my best

thanks, it's been a good one. i had some good tamales

this is so sweet of you to say! means a lot, truly <3

i have to imagine this was sent with good intentions but it feels like a well-crafted neg, haha. anyway peace n luv xoxo

i'm pleased to hear that i’m giving off leaking gas pipe woman vibes. Very cunty

not sure how to engage with this one , never had someone hit on me anonymously.. you correctly clocked me as a lesbo tho, haha

nope, can't dwell on my past work. gotta keep moving forward!

you must be cutie-melon to the fullest extent!

i looked it up, this is some freaky stuff! thanx for recommend

~~~ General Nice Comments Section ~~~

~~~ These Are All Appreciated, Thank U ~~~

i hereby grant swagheartwerewolf permission to fuck, in general. they are no longer banned from making love. that is my decree.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I The Asshole for comforting my friend’s ex-partner?

People in this story: Me (19M), my friend, Jason (17M), his ex-partner, Leon (16M) [All fake names]

So, my friend Jason recently broke up with Leon, after a year of them being together (like, right after their anniversary). This was honestly a long time coming, as Jason has been venting to me about all these little things that Leon has done (he never visits Jason at work, he rarely buys gifts or pays for dates even though Jason always does, he’s too clingy, etc) so I wasn’t surprised, and I don’t think either Jason or Leon were very surprised either.

Jason is actually very happy he finally ended the relationship, and now that it’s over, he started to open up to me more about things Leon has done. He’s saving the in-depth conversation for when we can talk in person, but he told me there was manipulation and gaslighting going on, I just don’t know how or to what severity. Although, despite this, Jason says he doesn’t really have much ill will against Leon, and while he doesn’t want to remain friends (and now has him blocked on socials), is still fine interacting with him. (Of course, they’re in high school together so they’ll have to interact pretty frequently.)

Leon on the other hand… is pretty torn up. Which is understandable, even if it is his fault Jason broke up with him. He was publicly (but subtly) venting on social media, and Jason told me that during the breakup he was also very visibly upset and talked about thinking he (himself) deserved to die. (Which is… possibly a manipulation tactic, possibly a depressed teenager thing, but most likely a mix of both.)

Now, I’m friends with both of them (it’s hard not to be, since they’re almost always together). I’m closer with Jason and we talk almost every day, but Leon and I are somewhat close as well, so it wasn’t surprising to me when Leon messaged me to talk about the breakup.

Leon send multiple paragraphs venting about the breakup. He basically just told me he feels guilty, and hopeless, and he felt like his efforts in the relationship could only be seen by himself. He also told me he understands and won’t judge if I start to dislike him now that Jason broke up with him, and asked me to take care of Jason now that he won’t be able to.

Some of his message seemed a little manipulative-y? (Like the self-depreciation, he was also somewhat implying he wanted to kill himself…?) Which makes sense with everything Jason told me about him, but I still tried to respond the same way I would respond to any friend who just had a bad breakup, while also throwing a little “I hope you learn and grow from this” in there for good measure.

Because, see, I believe Jason when he says Leon was manipulative and a toxic partner. And I know Leon is probably fishing for sympathy, at least a bit. However… He’s also 16 years old. Which doesn’t make any of Leon’s actions okay, obviously. A 16 year-old should know right from wrong. But I know 16 year olds have a lot of growing up to do, and I don’t think Leon is an irredeemably bad person.

I can’t know for certain if Leon was purposefully acting malicious or if he was just too immature to understand what he did wrong. But either way, I’d feel like a dick telling a 16 year old who sees me as a good friend that I don’t want to hear him vent or I don’t care about his problem because it’s all his fault anyway. So, I just listened, told him I hope he grows from this, and told him to take care of himself and I hope things get better for him.

I’m definitely going to distance myself from him going forward, probably especially when Jason tells me the rest of the details of their relationship, but I figured the breakup is so fresh (happened the day before Leon came to me) I can at least let him vent for now. Break ups do fucking suck, even if it is your fault or you deserved it. So, I don’t know. Jason didn’t seem too bothered with what I said to Leon, but idk. AITA? I hope that all made sense :’)

What are these acronyms?

[three--rings]

okay so i’m gonna talk about the build thing. 

I’m not going to get into the whole thing and what I think tho.  Like, I have a lot of thoughts.  But the thing is that I don’t KNOW anything.  I don’t know these people.  I can’t speak to them in any way. 

We have literally ZERO facts.  There is not a single fact that we, the public, have received that has any evidence behind it.  We have a bunch of one-sided claims and... some messages?  And some faked photo “evidence” from pinterest.

We don’t have any basis for making a judgement on anything solid whatsoever.  The only people who can do that are first of all police and legal proceedings, which I very much doubt are going to actually come to pass, and if they did would take absolutely forever to shuffle out.

And secondly BOC as an employer.  Which is where we can expect some kind of eventual decision, whatever it may be.

But what has truly upset me since this broke, besides just the natural grief of the situation, is the fandom response.  It’s been truly horrendous. 

The reaction which I expect from a fandom to this kind of news is shock, upset, grief, confusion, bargaining, etc.  And support of each other as we wait for the full fallout.

Instead I’ve seen celebration, I-told-you-so’s, endless attacks on people who refuse to immediately renounce their support of build, or who are at all measured or hesitant in their response.  Calls to reject not only the actor but the ship, the fandom, the production company.  Comparisons to other actors to highlight how their fave could never.  Finger pointing in every possible direction.

In other words, the fandom eating itself alive.  And is it maybe a small minority of people being toxic and most people being silent?  Yeah, it always is.  But it’s so fucking painful to me and to the fandom as a whole. 

Callout culture has reached a point where when anything happens the only performatively pure action to take is to immediately and loudly cut yourself off publicly from anyone at all likely to be tainted in accusation.  Which is exactly why people with bad motives can use accusations to inflict harm on people they want to hurt. 

I’ve seen over and over people being angry and upset that things aren’t moving faster with this situation, that there hasn’t been more statements and official shit done and like, it’s been less than two days?  On a weekend?  Do you really want the official procedures of ANY employer to work so fast that someone is fired within hours of anyone saying something bad about them, because that’s what people are literally calling for. 

I know it sounds like I’m taking one side here, but honestly I’m not.  No I don’t want the accusations to be true, because NO ONE should want them to be true.  But I can’t speak to their truth at all, because I have no basis to do so.  Except that what has been produced so far has been show NOT to be true (the photographs).  But there’s plenty of toxicity to go around in this situation.

What I want is for the actual truth to be known and acted on appropriately.  That doesn’t need to involve dragging facts out onto twitter or into the public eye, either.  The fandom isn’t judge and jury.  Victims shouldn’t be paraded through the virtual town square to be ripped apart. 

People are mourning right now.  What I’m mourning is the loss of a fandom that wasn’t as divisive and at each other’s throats as my last two.  Where I could just go to enjoy stuff without constant infighting.  Well, guess that’s fucking over. 

People are reliving their own abuse.  I know I am. 

STOP ATTACKING FELLOW FANS.  STOP ATTACKING PEOPLE MOURNING.

How individual fans respond to this isn’t any of your fucking business.  People are allowed to wait to see what happens before making judgments.  People are allowed time and space to process.  Shut the fuck up already.

[will80sbyers]

I don't follow Noah at all. But it's not because of what he said, I actually just became aware of that not that long ago.

I don't follow him because I've never been interested in him outside of ST/Will since I first watched ST in 2017. I don't know why, I guess the vibes were just always off with him (he's not the only either, I don't follow Millie either).

Anyway, I don't follow him, but I had the impression that the fandom adored him and thought very highly of him, and I know he received a lot of support from the fandom at some point because of something that was going on at his college.

And then the strikes happened and I took a break from the fandom. I just recently came back to follow the ST5 updates.

So, imagine my surprise to see that about half the fandom basically hates him now while the rest seems to just have given up on him and only care about his character.

I never felt anything for the guy, I mean he was always just there for me. But I mean, I don't think any 19-year-old should receive such harassment. I read that he's not even allowed to be (publicly) photographed with the rest of the ST cast? Like wow. And on their last year of filming all together too. Men, that's messed up.

Anyways, I just wanted to say this. In case there are other people out there who were never really interested in him but are now afraid to say it because they think people will assume they're supporting the harassment.

Exactly, you don't even have to like him to realize things went waaay overboard, he's not even a politician - he could have a bit of influence that's true, but not that much to actually change the minds of the government of Isr*el - but in any case you can't force someone to speak up or to change their mind by abusing them like that even if you don't care about the fact that it's simply a morally deranged thing to do, that's just useless

Responding to someone's bad take doesn't have to turn into bullying, sending death threats or doxing him, sharing his private pictures and all that I've seen!

Honestly to me that's disgusting, and there are a lot of celebrities I don't like and people that I can't stand like Jkr, for example, or Elon Musk - but even if I respond to their idiocy online and even if I can hope bad for them or hope that they start shutting the fuck up I'm not gonna personally harass them or become a freaking obsessive stalker dedicated to ruin their existence because that's fucked up and if I do and they send me to prison they are right to... and in my opinion they did and continue to do way worse stuff than what Noah did - like his take was bad but not to have this big of a response... Also I would never wish them to experience sexual harassment / rape that is so fucking foul even more than wishing for them to die and there were people doing that to a 19yo kid

Like, people you have to come to your senses and stop fr that's not how we go on to have a better world or stop kids & people in general from being killed in Gaz*

[lhazaar]

Thank you so much for the response, rest assured I was happy for you to even answer because I know what these situations can get like. I've been on your side for a situation involving another person in another server who had eerily similar behaviour to what you've described you all had to deal with and the responses felt that eerily similar way, which is part of why I was so concerned by them. I actually admire you for stepping in as a DM honestly, it can't have been easy. I will miss the people who left, I wasn't super close to anyone apart from some people I knew beforehand though I had enjoyed talking to you all but I think it was a good idea to go your own ways especially if it had been going on so long with no changes.

💚 i appreciate you hearing me out, genuinely. i have been worried about coming off as if it's a cancelling attempt when it's Emphatically not. one of the reasons people started leaving, to my understanding, was because they heard one side and then went looking for the other—a few people have dmed one or more of us privately which i really appreciate. there's always a level of anxiety involved when someone could be saying shit about you where you can't see or respond to it. i wanted to get an account up publicly in part so that people didn't feel like there was a barrier to asking wtf was going on and i appreciate you giving me a chance to do that

that's also really kind of you to say about the DMing thing, thank you. it's easier to step in when your table is all people you know—2/3 of the players are my partners, so one of those games is just going to be a home game from now on. the other game she got kicked from involves us plus a friend who was also directly affected. it becomes less about moderating a fight and more about one friend treating another poorly. emotionally fraught and never fun, but at least there's something clear and specific you can do about it

i will also miss talking to people a lot! i've had a couple people ask me to make a ttrpg server which i will eventually put up a public link to—i held off for a while because i didn't want it to seem like i was trying to go FINE we'll make our OWN server with blackjack and hookers, etc etc. it's not meant to be petty or like... to cowboy people away from liza's server. i just like that level of casual social interaction and it turns out it's pretty good for my brain 😅

[my-castles-crumbling]

why do you answer some users (not anon)s asks privately and others publicly?

Okay so honestly I overthink this SO much so please know that I'm not trying to offend anyone at all, like I love you guys to the ends of the earth and you all help me get through my day immensely.

Let me first say (and I'm getting like...a bit vulnerable, here) I...do not make friends easily. I have like. decently low self-confidence, and a large amount trauma. I will literally go look in my inbox throughout the day if i am stressed and see that I got a message and knowing I get to read it later will get me through the day. Please. Don't stop messaging me, guys. Like. I don't know how to put it into words, how much all of your messages help me, not matter if they're shitposts or asks or requests for advice or compliments on my writing. Thats why I keep saying: you are NEVER bothering me. All of my followers have really helped me gain confidence, and I could NEVER thank you all enough.

That being said. Usually, I'll send a private message back for one of three reasons:

It's a chain inbox that I've already done recently. So I always do my best to respond, because I would NEVER want people to think I'm ignoring them. But sometimes I don't post it publicly because I just did it recently or I got more than one of the same one.

Someone sends something asking for advice and by the vibes it seems like they might rather a private response, so I send it privately.

This last one is the one that I overthink a lot: I get some people sending me things like...compliments. And...I just...I feel weird posting them all publicly because.. it feels like bragging? Like...I would never want anyone to think I was bragging. I don't want people to think I have a big head or anything like that. So a lot of times, I'll respond privately. And I am SO SORRY if someone has taken that the wrong way because, like I said above, messages like that literally get me through my day. If you guys want, I can post them all! I just didn't want anyone to think I was being like...I don't even know. I hope you guys get it 😭

[overcaffeinated-aro]

hey this is gonna sound weird but whats yr thoughts on correcting behaviors without yelling

ok so like. full disclosure I got like 4 hours of sleep and then spent my afternoon in an emergency dentist appt so I really hope I can make this make sense. I also have a lot of thoughts so I apologize if this one gets away from me

(also for context, this is about a post on children misbehaving or causing distractions in public, and parents causing an even bigger scene trying to correct their behavior. it should be the post immediately after this on my blog)

it got away from me, adding a cut

also just to start, there’s obv a difference between raising your voice to be heard/get attention, and screaming at a child who’s already in front of you while in public. there’s also a lot of space between the two. and I really don’t think there’s a lot of justification for most of it beyond strictly getting a child’s attention.

yelling or screaming at your child, especially in public, isn’t that much better than hitting them. it depends a bit on the age, but what’s getting communicated to the child in that moment is a lot less of what you’re actually saying when you yell and mostly just the intense feelings of fear and disempowerment that come with being cornered and punished, and in some cases publicly ridiculed. hell, you don’t even need to yell to do this. and depending on the parent, this may or may not be intentional, using humiliation as a method of trying to reinforce some kind of ‘lesson’ or discourage a behavior.

it was, in fact, a pillar of my mom’s parenting for many years. I know first-hand how much it can wreak a child’s self esteem, and can make them fearful of further violence from you, even without any other precedent. I started to have nightmares about being hit or kicked out, even knowing that my mom would never go that far, and even years after she stopped. She pretty effectively proved to me that at least in those moments I was beneath her, I didn’t deserve to be treated with dignity in front of others (especially in front of others, as she never yelled at me in private) including in front of family and my friends. it broke a lot of trust that I should have been able to have with her, and even now at 25 and having been moved out for 4 years there’s a lot of trust we have to rebuild in order to have a functional adult parent/child relationship.

this will not be the case for every child, but as an example: I was most frequently yelled at in public for austistic behaviors that I couldn’t or didn’t know how to control. what I needed was help, to be taught coping mechanisms, quieter or alternative ways to stim, and emotional regulation. being yelled at made me quiet, fearful, and full of shame. it appeared to fix the issue, but really only locked it away with my ability to feel and process emotions. but ofc your mileage may vary, everyone responds to trauma differently.

a lot of parents yell because they’re overwhelmed. my mom yelled because she has adhd, my behaviors were overstimulating, being in public/socializing was overstimulating, and she didn’t know how to cope. in fact once I grew up I taught her what adhd actually looks like, and helped her find resources that have greatly improved her life. This Is Still Not a Good Excuse. shit happens, parents have problems, but losing your cool at your child is not excusable. forcing your child to grow up fast enough to teach *you* emotional regulation is Not Good. as a parent, it is your job to be in a place where you can consistently and effectively be The Parent. if you aren’t there, it’s your job to recognize that and work on it!

finally, for the point that you were probably asking for: what can you do instead of yelling? what if your child won’t stop?

honestly, a parenting book will probably be a better help than I. I’ve taken 1 college course on developmental psychology and some scattered research over the years so I’m by no means an expert, or really even a hobbiest. but for what it’s worth, here’s my 2 cents:

work on yourself, especially especially emotional regulation. never take your frustration out on your child. 9/10 times your child is not trying to upset you. literally why would they do that, they depend on you for everything. even in cases when you child is trying to upset you or push back, it’s not really about You. they might need help with something, or not know how to communicate or deal with a problem. as a parent, it is in fact your job to be the bigger person.

once you have a child’s attention, anything you can communicate by yelling you can also communicate in a normal tone. for older children, it will probably be more effective to intervene just enough to stop the behavior, and then discuss the issue in private later. it’s important to be focused on solutions and what could be done better next time, not on punishments. there’s so much research showing that punishment and negative reinforcement doesn’t work.

I haven done an excessive amount of research, but from what I’ve seen so far I really like the ideas behind the Montessori method. it really strives to treat children as full individual people, and meet them where they’re at developmentally while doing it’s best to ask age-appropriate consent for everything applicable. Jessica out of the closet on youtube has some great videos on how she and her wife have been putting the method into practice with their own child, and even going into her own struggles and solutions with parenting while multiply disabled—and still refusing to compromise on the way she treats her child

and while I have this soapbox: parenting is not for everyone!! some people should not be parents, or teachers, or otherwise in a position of power over children. it’s a hard job. and, it really shouldn’t be done alone. even the most patient person will have trouble keeping their cool 24/7. it’s important to take breaks, and find ways to lean on the people or community in your lives. And, if you’re a community member who interacts with children, it’s still important to learn these skills! with any luck you’ll simply be another kind and trustworthy adult in a child’s life. but for some you may be a lifeline

[allianettemie5]

Honestly, if any CC reads this I will have my goal achieved, so proceed

Warning: about CCs and fanfiction, so to those who can be triggered, pls skip this

I hail from a big streamer-based fandom, a place that had apologists, haters, and those who tried their best to be within everyone's boundaries of privacy; there were a lot of artists and writers there, excellent ones, who could rival published authors tbh. I am in awe of many of them. I mostly stayed out of any controversies, though they naturally were bound to find me in whatever corner of the world I was hiding. Privacy breaches, a lot of dirty clothes being dug out, CC targeting, mental illnesses, fans being unable to separate characters from content creators, and more. It's disgusting

I went to among us streamers in search for idk maybe more mature vibe, and I thought I found peace for just a short while. But lobby slot arguments, people not clicking with each other, that even led to shouting matches, bringing the group mood down. It was exhausting. The fandom was as creative, less explosive but was new, inconsistent and shaky, and it seemed that nobody knew each other

I don't see that much in PR1 streaming group and PR2 community. I enjoy talking to people that hang out here and enjoy the same things that I enjoy in a similar way that I do, and they are all just wonderful, just amazing, and fun, and crazy, and insane (in the best way possible). There is peace between CCs and fans, both sides addressing the bad things that happen in the fullest once, just once, and that is always enough for the both sides to keep the matter quiet and just keep up the positivity and mutual understanding

However

The recent events (that were basically just a sum up of several events prior to that, and it started way back a decade ago) actually rose a serious concern, that I was really hesitant to address, but it's that time I guess (yt "we have to talk" thumbnail)

I have not encountered online bullying directed at myself yet, and I hope I'll never have to, and I wish that my fellow PR2 people will not experienced that in the future

I know what irl bullying is though, I've experienced it first hand. I know what it is like to be hated and publicly laughed at because of being different. I know what it feels like to hear slurs and hate-talk about yourself and those who are very close to you from such a prejudiced point of view

I just escaped all of that. I have enclosed myself within a tiny space, consisting of only those who I want to speak to, those who I enjoy listening to, topics I feel safe reading and not going to lose my last nerves on

I'll say this once, and will not make another tumblong on this topic

If an abstract CC wants to read fanfiction sooooo fucking badly, they should

Suck it up and make an account, fucking coward

ASK THE AUTHOR FOR PERMISSION YOU ASS

Do not make fun of a real living person because they do what they enjoy for their friends to read

Do not make content of other people's hard work in a disrespectful way

Do not FUCKING STREAM reading the fanfic without EXPLICIT PERMISSION from the author

Imagine if the developers of a game, that you enjoy playing a lot and create playthroughs and guides and theory and lore exploration videos, come across your content and start yelling in their twits how fucking dumb you are, omg we can't believe that someone would in their right mind create these, LLOOOOOOOLLLLL WHAT AN IDIOT, what would you feel? You go to your comments and see haters and insults and you receive messages that you're a disgusting person and should stop doing whatever you were doing, what would you do? How would you respond?

If certain CCs don't learn that boundaries go both ways they can very well expect their fans number decreasing in a rapid rate

[rcmclachlan]

10 questions for writers

I was tagged by @beefcakekinard and @cliophilyra, two very lovely people!

Okay, here we go:

Number of works on ao3?

79 as of last night

Total word count?

545,037

What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, 9-1-1. Historically? The list is wide and varied as hell.

Do you respond to comments?

I try my best. I've definitely gotten better about it over the years.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I've been posting fic publicly since 2001, so odds are? Probably. Don't know for sure. I have had a fic summary stolen, which was kind of interesting.

Have you ever cowritten?

Once, a veeeeeery long time ago. It wasn't a great experience (mostly because I was beholden to the other writer's schedule, which never matched up with mine).

What’s your all time favourite ship?

This is a real Sophie's Choice question. I honestly have no idea how to answer this.

What are your writing strengths?

I'm pretty confident in my ability to write decent dialogue and I've never heard any complaints about how many metaphors I cram into my stories. I also think I've gotten a lot better at writing humor over the years, too.

What are you writing weaknesses?

Oh my god, writing sex scenes. The thing is, I want to write them way more than I actually do. I used to write them like crazy in my late teens and early 20s, but these days it's like trying to solve a math equation (and I fucking hate math).

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The first "fandom" I wrote for was Animorphs in 1997. It was a self-insert fic written on a legal pad at my grandparents' house. It was also illustrated (badly). I discovered actual fandom the following year. The first real fandom I publicly posted fic for was Fruits Basket in 2002.

Tagging @dadvans, @alchemistc, @alchemyalice, @lazybakerart, @theroseandthebeast, @nandalorian, @cecilyv, and @kirkaut

[jattendschaton]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you so much @ladyofthenoodle for tagging me! I love being part of things 🥺 <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

On my main account there are 37 publicly posted

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

Main account has 207,377, but if I included the other account and my unpublished stuff it's 280,000+

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Miraculous Ladybug, but I have dabbled in others!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

honestly it was embarrassing to list these out :'):'):')

Out of the Closet Dropping All Pretenses On Open Secret electrify me, i'm dying to burn knowing you

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Most of the time I do! I dont tend to respond to rude comments anymore and sometimes I dont know what to say, but I try to respond to most comments!! I feel so lucky to receive any of them, I just want the commenter to know how much I appreciate them <3<3 There has been at least one time when I was so overwhelmed with a lovely comment that I never responded because I just liked looking at it so much 🙈 but that person was also a friend of mine so I did express to them privately how much their comment meant to me

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

For published fic, definitely whistle stop. I have written a lot of other angsty stuff though that will never see the light of day </3

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I feel like after a certain point, they're all kind of equally happy in their endings, but I guess live chat? I dont know though, I really dont tend to reread my fics

8. Do you get hate on fics?

ajskdljkl yes I have gotten hate on fics before

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I dont think I've written anything that would classify as a crossover

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I don't think the translation is up anymore but it was like my second or third fic and I was over the moon that someone liked it enough to put in the time to translate it!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not seriously. I've been part of a few projects where we were going to cowrite a fic together that never ended up getting finished and I've set up a document to cowrite a fic with a friend that we never did anything with :/ I'd love to co-write a fic though, I think it's so cool when people collaborate like that!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Lovesquare and original ot4 of Alyadrininette <3

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

As far as published works from my main account there are a lot :') but the one that hurts the most is probably Where the Devils Are rip

16. What are your writing strengths?

I don't really have an answer for this!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

asjdjkl if I dwell on this too long I will never write another sentence so I'm also going to skip this one!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it's really cool when other people who are multilingual do it! I've dropped a word or two in when it felt right, but otherwise I personally stay away from writing it because I lack the knowledge to do it justice. I do sometimes make up languages for magic purposes, though!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

First fandom I published fanfic for was Miraculous Ladybug!

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

asjdklf ahhhh I have no response to this because I dont reread my writing. I think probably the closest thing I have to a favorite at any point in time is whichever one I wrote the most recently

tagging: @rosekasa @marimbles @picayunearts @emsylcatac @anna-scribbles @talkstoself (no pressure to anyone tagged if you dont want to do it of course, I'd just always love to see more stuff about your writing!) and anyone else who'd like to participate! I know it can be kind of sad if no one tags you in one of these things and you wanted to do it so just let me know and I will add you <3

[crystaiskiess]

Okay, it’s me, the person rereading OAFK to find where Arthur falls in love with Merlin.  This is very long because I may have gotten a bit carried away.  I’m so sorry, but I wanted to cover all the bases (and then just got really into it because I love this fic).  Although I want confirmation if I’m right, you don’t have to publicly post this or anything, because, once again, this is long and you may not want people to know.

So, I think Arthur’s feelings start when he meets Merlin, which may sound so soon and may be very wrong.  But in chapter one, when they meet for the second time, there are several lines that I feel like radiate the idea of “I have a slight instant crush on this guy, but I’d never know for multiple reasons.  First thing is their banter about the dungeons (honestly, love that part, it’s so cute/funny).  Then there’s the paragraph about Arthur having fun, which I feel screams “instant attraction.”

Arthur blinks, unable to stop himself from smiling.  A thrill runs through him like a surging wave, starting at his toes and ending in the tips of his fingers.  Excitement.  He finally identifies what is so entertaining about Merlin, why he feels this pull to torment him, this desire to goad him into action.  For the first time in years Arthur is having fun.

Arthur, as a character, just isn’t the type of find interest in things that are the same thing he deals with every day.  There’s literally an example of that at the beginning of that scene where he’s like “yeah, let me figure out where I’m supposed to respond because I am so bored right now.” I think the excitement Merlin brings immediately forms a sense of attraction to him (which makes sense because in real life, we tend to be attracted to the people we desire to have in our lives).  In canon, he starts showing attraction to Gwen when she speaks against him (not like Merlin does, but a variation, you know?), which fits into the idea that Arthur wants excitement in his life and he wants people who will create it.  I think half of this doesn’t make sense, but it’s important to have for my next thing.

Going back to OAFK; in chapter two, Arthur thinks about how he doesn’t know if he wants Merlin to change and become a proper servant.  While that’s explicitly said, you go into why he feels like that.  He finds Merlin entertaining and like no one else he’s ever met before, and that Merlin’s rudeness enthralls Arthur.  However, he’s like “yeah, but he’s also infuriating.” I feel like this goes into Arthur not really having someone speak out against him (or friends), so he’s unable to properly navigate how he feels about this.  This back and forth on who he wants Merlin to be is realistic and I very much love it.  Also, yes, he could just see Merlin in a platonic light at this point (anything is possible), but I just think about the scene where Arthur trusts Merlin about Valiant.  Yeah, that’s a canon scene, but it adds to later where it’s like “An odd part of Arthur warms at the sight of Merlin’s slight smile.” Arthur has feelings for Merlin, even if they’re platonic or romantic.  They’re strong, but he’s just a bit unaware.

Now, to where I think he falls in love with Merlin.  This could be too soon, but the amount of passages from it that just make sense he loves Merlin is in The Poisoned Chalice.  I have like 20 highlighted areas that I feel like capture that Arthur loves Merlin.  I will obviously not share all of them because that’s a lot.  The first line is, “a man who understands that Arthur needs Merlin around.  Merlin matters to him.” I adore this line so much, like I think about it a lot because it captures to me how much Arthur’s feeling have grown over the last bit (I don’t remember your timeline off the top of my head, sorry) they’ve known each other.  I am a big believer in that Arthur feels fear, but it’s not exhibited the same way nor is it easy for him to feel it because of how he was raised, but oh my God, the moment where it’s like “He can hear his heartbeat in his ears, feel it in his throat, he’s never felt fear like this,” just hit so hard.  The amount of love and care he has for Merlin makes his situation terrify him. (Also, that entire paragraph containing that sentence and the paragraph above just capture Arthur so well.)

So, this could be debated like slightly of it’s in Arthur’s character, but I’m not entirely sure.  The line “They both hear the words that go unspoken.  If it were just my life, I would risk it in a heartbeat.” Some could say that that’s just how Arthur is.  (Him thinking about how he wishes he could feed everyone and guarantee their safety in The Moment of Truth.) In this situation, I feel like it being Merlin has a big part in this (Also, in The Moment of Truth of why Arthur goes to begin with).

So, to wrap this up before it gets to be over 1,000 words, Arthur starts liking Merlin the second time they meet (or the realization he doesn’t understand is there), but he starts (realizes but doesn't realize?) he loves Merlin in The Poisoned Chalice.

I’m so sorry for how long this is and that parts may not be coherent.  I do want to say that I love this fic and it’s always a pleasure to reread it.

OAFK SPOILERS AHEAD

also now that it’s been quite a while since chapter 28 was posted here is a moment of deep appreciation for this incredible person who got arthur’s feelings revelation so INSANELY spot on that i actually couldn’t post his analysis bc it’s basically spoilers

like incredible, immaculate, i still reread this often just to be in awe

[v-anrouge]

ik you said brutally honest but just tell me if this is mean cuz i dont wanna just ignore you

one of the biggest problems i think is how often you vague post about people/posts. ik its an easy way to get your opinion off your chest but a couple times the posts make moots feel anxious you could refer to them. also i find that just ignoring and/or blocking the person is more helpful/healthy than publicly responding

First of all not mean at all and thanks a lot for not just ignoring me /srs

and yeah this hour i spent talking to my friend we were talking about my constant negative behavior, im pretty sure it's from bpd so it's gonna be a bit hard for me to change but i still really want to, she told me i tend to hate things too much and too easily and lately ive been voicing it everytime something displeases me (this following part she didn't say but i am aware) and that makes unpleasant to talk to because sometimes you just want to have a good time and no one likes a guy whos constantly ruining the mood. i also tend to have a lot of prejudice towards some things and tastes and hobbies and it just comes off as rude and mean and controlling

i am really unsure what i need to do to change that part of me, im thinking of exploring more things i love and focusing on expressing my passion for it instead of ranting and complaining and whining constantly like i used to do back in the glory days (aka the days my followers felt comfortable on my page) i also think i need to start consuming more things like series and cartoons or anime im just unsure where to start especially with the limited access i have (currently only have youtube on tv and my phone which i planned to use to play/draw while i consume said media) but il figure something out. I'm also gonna try to get closer to ppl irl so that ill have less time to my head because i think a big problem is my disorder talks over me and im just letting it do what it wants instead of trying to reign it in

also yes im a toxic person the way i vague post i honestly feel bad about it later but i just idk never tried to stop it either im gonna stop doing that i don't want any more ppl to hate me

i uhm still don't know how to start to recover or what exercises to do to be more positive and be annoyed less easily so uhm if anyone has any tips id appreciate it