#And I hate myself

[theunattainable]

tops that are way too small are my fav

(also literally my first pic of me on here besides my pfp)

[ponuchuu]

a lil projecting and ranting about why i relate to wanderer so much, a small cw for implied past s ideation

i don't think I've ever told yall how relatable wanderer is as a person who suffered from bipolar, depression and a survivor

his emotional respond is because of fear of rejection and abandonment, if he show the worst part of himself and ignite fear upon others is due to the lack of control he has over his own life, being nice would mean putting himself out to the world and making himself vulnerable to any kind of weakness other people can exploit because he himself doesn't know what he's doing and what his own place in the world is, so he wanted to be in charge of it even if he's rowing the boat to the wrong path because at least that path is made with his own choice

i admit i used to be someone who's also like this, not exactly the same but the emotional respond to the fear and lack of control over my own life was the same, i used to be so hateful, so judgemental cause in my eyes everyone was doing so much better than me AND without me, it's the mental dilemma of "i want to be a part of someone's life" and "i want them to even know i ever existed at all" that you don't know what to do.

Being betrayed and hated is also a feeling i know way too well, it's not exactly something foreign if you grew up not knowing how to socialize properly and ended up weirding people out, even my first ever internet interaction wasn't exactly good either, with someone even saying it outright they hated and wanted to exclude me.

"i wish I've never been born at all" is something I've said to one of my friends before so it hits so hard seeing it said from the mouth of a character i grew to love, cause i finally understand how my friends felt when i uttered those words before. in a way, just like him i was given a "second chance" and even if i still don't know what I'm doing, I'm trying.

anyway i hate hat guy i hate my blorbo *mic drop*

[cessmaga]

I can't enjoy halbarry anymore i think

[saebaragi]

wrost therapy session ever. i should kill myself to prove a point real quick.

[rockyhirschershow]

you're in her bed but im crying on the bus home because i saw you guys talking to each other and wish i was less unloveable

[ohhtobeagooner]

the blonde epidemic in football rn… pray for them

[lucifer-spawn]

i have no idea how i'm going to survive the rest of this schoolyear

[swifteainthesummer]

I AM HAVING A HORRIBLE DAY

[torifuckingspring]

i'm bored

[marshvlovestv]

At this point I think it's equally likely that by the end of March I will A. have turned my life around completely or B. be dead. Fucking stay tuned.

[lemaldusiecle]

i drank alcohol yesterday night to forget my life and the fact that i want to die, but of course today i still feel the pain in a monstrous way and i am crying

[over-rated-cheese]

told my friend I might be nonbinary, she legit said, “don’t worry ur not ugly” which I was like gorl what 🥲🤨 and then she said, “I had a phase like that too, I got over it.” keep in mind this is my BEST FRIEND

I am sobbing

[moon-center]

My mother was so fucking mean today

I’m used to do vocal stimming like, every time I open my mouth, and sometimes when a new or funny sound comes out I normally say to myself oh! What was that? Or why did you do that? Because is funny to me, and then I’ll try and recreate that sound until I’m done.

Now, I normally home alone, but today my mother was in te kitchen at the same time as me, so first of all she made fun off me stimming, AND THEN when I asked myself my normal question she answered because your a girl

So, let me say something, I came out to my mother around 4 years ago, she knows I’m a boy, BUT SHE DECIDED TO MAKE MY LIFE TEN TIMES MORE MISERABLE because she not only disregards my mental health and my AuDHD she also is transphobic as fuck to me, to my face

Dude this woman just doesn’t give a fuck about me, and now I’m trying to sleep without having a fucking break down because of dysphoria

[hitmewithlghtning]

i fucking hate looking like a high schooler when i'm 28 and being treated like a kid. like what the fuck am i supposed to do to be perceived as an adult?

[anonionmess]

ahh the way your own family just crushes you into nothing and go "if we don't tell you, who will" and "its all your fault" and then expect me to accept them with warm loving hugs

[mikeypizzle]

Seems good enough to share. The Cinnamon Swirl Bread I made.