#And Generally just not interested in hurting folks

[creatingblackcharacters]

Are there any special considerations to make with black characters who are autistic? Cause I've just gone with basing their experience of autism off my own even though I'm white. Operating on a different body language, accent being quite different from other black folks, not caring about "fitting in" and having a very strong sense of right & wrong. As well as having their special interests and issues with various sensory related things.

That is a lesson I have cooking up!

Well, just as everything else with Black people and characters, it might not manifest differently than white people, but it's going to be treated differently. Everything I've discussed up to this point in all my lessons is gonna apply. I hate to say this, but society doesn't care if you're Black and autistic (or have any other mental or developmental health issues) because it's already judging you for the Blackness.

You don't have issues sitting still, you have a bad attitude. You don't have ADHD, you have ODD. You don't have a... what do they call it here, a hyperfixation, you're just "very passionate". My Uncle (rip🙏🏾) was visibly autistic, from the stimming to the echolalia to all the rest of his patterns, and people that didn't know him still saw him as a 6'2 large fat scary threatening Black man.

Hell, they barely consider women with autism, and they CERTAINLY don't consider Black women and girls with autism. I've known a few of us, and we usually get the "mean uppity bitch" stigma because no one cares that you might be overstimulated or anxious, or that you are really devoted to a pattern that you see, or that you're trying to express yourself with clear, assertive language, they just think you're being aggressive and hurting their feelings (which is what they expect from Black women).

Point is, we don't "look" autistic, and that's why it doesn't get treated the same, because what does it look like, then? 👀 The same behaviors indicative of autism in me might be the same as in you. Now, when it comes to being Black and autistic, I also think it's important to recognize that a lot of us don't get diagnosed, because of aforementioned things.

My family was far more aware of autism and how to deal with it (at least, for the visibly autistic children, the rest of us had to hack it), but I can't give you a generalized experience. I would suggest researching stories of Black families with autistic children, as well as Black autistic experiences to better buffer your writing.

[mstase]

DESCRIBING THE MOON SIGNS

some of these are based on the people I’ve met, so you may not resonate with some of it. there are also probably other aspects in your birth chart that say otherwise, so please read this with a grain of salt.

♨️ aries moon - such people have a subtle yet sharp look, often with a prominent feature like a wide forehead or a generally strong build. their fiery emotions are written all over their face, and you can spot their short fuse from a mile away. they’re not the type to bottle things up; it’s more like they need to let it out, erupting like a volcano. these folks are impulsive, prone to sudden outbursts, but surprisingly, they don’t hold onto grudges—they move on as fast as they flare up. they tend to have mood swings, being all emotional one minute and totally chill the next. there’s this childlike energy about them—they get hyped up easily and are full of passion. but just like kids, they can be pretty immature when it comes to handling their feelings. when they were young, they might have fought a lot due to their impatient nature and tendency to react quickly and get frustrated, but they eventually grow out of it. i know some aries moon peeps who get physical when they can’t calm down like throwing stuff, kicking around, or yelling and screaming to let out that frustration.

🍥 taurus moon - they’re really laid-back to be around, always giving off a calming vibe. picture doe eyes and soft, prominent cheek, kind of like a bambi. these individuals are typically grounded and don’t easily get irritated, but they know when to assert their boundaries. they prefer doing their own thing and steer clear of drama. however, they can be quite stubborn and once they’re fixated on something, it’s hard to sway them. emotions tend to linger with them for a long time because they manage them steadily and slowly. one thing about them: they despise being rushed. like typical taureans, they take their time with things and enjoy a slower pace. when they feel emotionally unsettled, they seek comfort, even if it’s not always the healthiest option, it helps them escape. they thrive in cozy, gentle environments, feeling most at ease when they’re at home. quite possessive people and can come across as controlling at times, especially with those they like; they tend to be fond of physical touch.

🗣️ gemini moon - they have really expressive eyes that light up when something catches their interest. always cracking jokes and endlessly curious, they’re a blast to be around. a bit scattered sometimes, but they’re great at keeping a conversation going. sharp as a tack, they might seem like a clown sometimes, but they’re actually deep thinkers. they are prone to mood swings; their minds are constantly buzzing with a million thoughts, which also impacts their mood. however, they don’t really express or dwell on these emotions much because their minds are wrapped up in their interests, which can make them come across as emotionally closed off. at other times, they tend to rationalize their emotions rather than genuinely feeling them. these people get extremely bored easily, constantly needing mental stimulation. hence, they have a need to always ask questions, to know everything and understand how things work, in order to keep their minds busy. they could be the type who has trouble sleeping because their minds won’t quiet down, and the same goes for their mouth.

🦀 cancer moon - very emotionally receptive, they can easily read and understand others just as much as they crave understanding for their own feelings. they feel things deeply and take it all to heart, often needing space to process. naturally nurturing, they care very deeply and want it to be acknowledged. they might be the one looking out for their siblings or the ’mom’ figure in their friend circle. when upset, they can be passive-aggressive, but most of the time, they keep their pain to themselves. their heightened sensitivity makes them get hurt more easily than others, which is why they sometimes come off as defensive. these people have a hard time moving on from the past and like to reminisce a lot. they remember every single thing, the good and the bad stuff people did to them, and when they’re not feeling right, they tend to hold onto grudges.

⚜️ leo moon - they are all about expressing themselves creatively, typically through singing and/or dancing. they are incredibly generous and always there for the people they cherish. however, i’ve noticed they can struggle with self-esteem, leading them to seek validation and acceptance. they have fragile egos and are extremely sensitive to criticism, often feeling challenged in their accomplishments or goals, even when that’s not the case. when they feel validated, they bring good vibes, filling up the room with warm, loving, and super enthusiastic energy—that’s just how they give back. they are prone to dramatic displays of emotions, often without realizing it, due to their naturally expressive and fierce nature. i’ve also noticed that they tend to talk a lot about themselves and may unintentionally interrupt or overlap in other people’s conversations. this can make them appear conceited, but they are just really eager to share a lot about themselves.

🔍 virgo moon - they’re super helpful, sometimes a bit too much, and very responsible. it’s like they think no one else is gonna sort stuff out, so they always step up as the “fixer” even when it’s not really their problem. they’re just really big on analyzing everything to get to the bottom of things. they can often seem all critical and constantly nitpicking, but really, it’s their way of helping you improve and showing they care. they notice every tiny detail, and if something’s off, it bugs them big time—total perfectionists. they’re pretty hard on themselves, likely due to early expectations and responsibilities weighing on them. they worry a ton, even about the small stuff, sometimes to an unhealthy level of obsession. they need a lot of alone time to process these thoughts, as they’re highly sensitive to their surroundings, which doesn’t quite help with their anxious tendencies. they can be self-conscious and prefer to keep their emotions in check, often analyzing their surroundings to gauge if it’s safe enough to express how they feel.

🧁 libra moon - these people are easy to hang out with—chill, laid-back, and down-to-earth. they prefer to keep things peaceful, so they can be somewhat passive and struggle to say no because they dislike upsetting people, which heavily impacts how they feel about themselves. confrontations aren’t their thing either, and setting boundaries isn’t their strong suit. they value fairness, detest any kind of injustice, and adhere to their morals. they’re open-minded, always looking at things from different angles, which makes people feel comfortable talking to them about anything. (they are also great listeners). they can be overly concerned about how they appear as they have a strong need to feel ”pretty” and liked. when decisions need to be made, they’re very indecisive and tend to let their friends choose for them. they dislike aggression and are put off by unnecessary meanness, as they themselves keep their less pleasant emotions in control without necessarily suppressing them. most people i’ve met with this have good facial harmony and are pleasing to look at.

🦂 scorpio moon - they might not seem like they’re paying attention, but believe me, they’re tuned in. you’ll be amazed by the random stuff they pick up just from quietly observing things and people. sometimes they don’t even have to actively watch; they just get it with one look, seeing through the facade because they operate similarly, like hiding behind that secretive and mysterious wall that they cling onto. they have zero tolerance for dishonesty, and the ones i’ve met with this are extremely blunt. nothing gets past them; they can sniff out lies or insincerity from a mile away. like all water signs, they’re super sensitive but get triggered easily. oh, and they can hold a grudge forever. they’ll remember what you did to them five years ago and still think you haven’t changed. they might seem chill on the outside, but inside, there’s a whirlwind of intense emotions that can erupt suddenly. they probably struggle with talking about their feelings and, with their secretive nature, you’ll never really know what’s going on with them.

🎃 sagittarius moon - adventurous folks who are always down for a good time, even if it gets them into trouble. they find optimism and humor in everything, so it’s pretty easy to lighten up their mood. they’re strong-willed and passionate about their feelings, not holding back when they speak their mind. sometimes they crack jokes at the wrong time or in a way that might offend—it’s just their impulsive nature. despite that, they’re incredibly cheerful and goofy, always ready to laugh and spread their enthusiastic energy. sometimes they can come off as ’know-it-alls’ without trying to be arrogant; they’re just super into their optimistic wisdom. many of them may have travelled a lot growing up or just liked to wander outside instead of staying indoors—the type who were always out exploring the city. they dislike uptight, dependent people; they need someone who can loosen up and loves freedom as much as they do. being tied down in any way is their worst nightmare, so good luck trying to control them.

💼 capricorn moon - these people can keep their cool even in tough situations. they’re not into big emotional displays and often come off as closed off or shy. it takes them a while to open up because they don’t think it’s necessary. although they are not unemotional; in fact, they care and love very deeply but are more private about it. they probably grew up in a household where showing emotions was restricted, or they had to grow up fast due to responsibilities. they might also have a hard time showing vulnerability and are super protective of themselves. they’re incredibly self-reliant and independent and sometimes feel guilty about asking for help. they give the best advice, but don’t count on it to cheer you up because they’re all about logic and practicality. sometimes, they keep their problems to themselves because they don’t like feeling like a burden to anyone, or they simply feel like no one cares.

🌀 aquarius moon - constantly feeling misunderstood, they feel like people talk more than they know. are humanitarian, but at the same time, they hate people. they are highly observant and can naturally grasp people’s minds and behaviors. they cherish their independence and personal space, which means they don’t do well with clingy people. consequently, they keep most people, including friends, at arm’s length. these people are pretty good at hiding their emotions. they aren’t likely to be very grand in expressing how they feel, which is why they can sometimes come across as detached. at times, they just process their emotions differently. i see them as being more rational and logical in their approach. also, they may find it challenging or uneasy to cope with deep feelings of vulnerability. very super accepting of people because they’ve been there themselves—being the odd one out. intelligent people can sometimes be very stubborn and think they are always right.

🐟 pisces moon - they are very empathetic and compassionate, making them great listeners. however, they often feel emotionally overwhelmed because they easily absorb other people’s pains and problems. sometimes, they struggle to understand and express their own emotions due to their impressionable nature. highly sensitive to their surroundings, they pick up on every subtle detail that others often miss, which can be overwhelming. they also find themselves easily drained in busy environments, constantly absorbing the emotions and energies around them. therefore, they require ample downtime in peaceful, quiet settings to recharge. they can feel like their needs get ignored and that they end up giving way more than they get back. one thing about them, though, is they tend to be very passive to the point where they can easily be taken advantage of, which is something they need to work on to build more assertion. the people i’ve met with this moon were exceptionally talented, whether in art, writing, or any other form of expression.

[sturnlsstuff]

MASK OFF | ghostface!matt x fem!reader

— warnings: smut with plot, dom!matt, sub!reader, knife kink, unprotected p in v, rough sex, kinda mean!matt, edging, cursing, crying, dirty talk, pet names, mention of murder, - english isn't my first language!!

part one | part two

~~~~~~

"n-no!" you cry out with a pout, when for the fourth time matt stops the movements of his fingers, pulling them out. your orgasm just out of reach again. he was not giving you the relief you so desperately needed, practically edging you, making you squirm under him, while he was watching you with a smirk. you knew you were screwed for tonight, but you wouldn't think he could be so cruel. "please!" you whine, giving him the best puppy eyes you got, but matt only let's out a sarcastic laugh, "now y're fuckin' beggin', huh? interesting"

"i didn't do anything, i swear!" you mewl, tears running down your cheeks from the frustration. matt kneels on the mattress between your legs, grabbing the knife that was laying beside you and holding your wet folds spread with his two fingers. he puts the handle of the knife inside your dripping hole, starting pulling it in and out with unholy speed, while you were gripping the sheets, moaning loudly, your walls clenching around the thing. "i told you to keep your pretty mouth shut, didn't i?" he watches how your pussy sucks in the handle of the knife, while the sharp part was slightly digging into his hand with each movement, but he didn't care right now. not when he was able to see you like this. "your folks are downstairs, remember?"

he just smirks when you put your hand over your mouth, legs trembling when you're closer to the edge again, but he slows down, making it all go away, "fuck!" you squeeze your eyes causing new tears to fall down. you could feel his painfully hard cock straining against your inner thigh. "i'm telling the truth, i didn't say anything! please just let me—"

you cut yourself off with a muffled scream, when he quickly throws the knife onto the mattress and instead slams into you, making sure you feel his dick deep. matt doesn't give you any time to adjust, pulling almost all the way out, before going back in and starting thrusting into you.

it wasn't a secret that matt was pissed off. really mad. since the meeting in the park, he called you three times already and all three times you picked up and let him inside your room, when your parents were gone. he would do his job and leave as always. you were starting to get sick of it, finding yourself being more amused by him with each day and less scared, what was stupid for matt whenever he thought about this. you also caught yourself often fantasizing about him without the mask, even had a wet dream about it earlier this day. you had no courage to ask him to take it off or even if he'd agree to it. though matt wasn't stupid and he noticed the little details, how you would slightly put your hand on his mask, but you wouldn't dare to take if off without his permission, which made him feel somehow proud that you listen to him.

so you spent the whole day trying to distract yourself from thinking about that dream and him in general. at some point your phone rang, you picked up immediately after seeing who's number it was and that's how it all.. started.

"hello?"

"you think you're so slick?" by his voice you could quickly say he was mad. he was actually completely pissed off, feeling betrayed. matt really liked you, craved you and would never want to hurt you even if sometimes... sometimes he wasn't really capable to control himself. "what?" your eyebrows frowned with confusion, while he continued, "y'wanna make me lose my shit? wanna be next?"

"what are you talkin' about?" you asked confused, hearing his low chuckle that makes goosebumps appear on your skin, "you really gonna act all stupid now?" there was a moment of silence as you thought what possibly you could've done, but your head was empty. meanwhile matt was frustrated, grabbing the bridge of his nose and trying to calm himself down, "-- make sure your window's open, i'll be there in 10."

"but my parents—" you started, but he was quick to cut you off, "i don't give a fuck." the call ended, leaving you feeling uneasy and confused, but either way you left your window open and locked your door, just in case if one of your parents would want to come in.

matt was in fact watching your every move, no matter what time of the day it was, he knew what you were doing. he'd watch you hanging out in the cafe with your friends, seeing you and your mom shopping, eating dinner in some fancy restaurant or studying in the library. so he really did know everything and sometimes he didn't necessarily like the things he saw. like yesterday he saw you talking to a cop. he wouldn't think much of it, even if it gave him anxiety, but then this morning a police car drove through his neighborhood, even though this had never happened before. so his assumption was that you just betrayed him. maybe you wanted to set a trap for him? he thought about it for half a day, trying to calm down, but in vain, the anxiety and a sense of betrayal mixed together, creating an explosive mix of emotions. so he was really fucking pissed off and his goal for tonight was to make sure you know how mad he actually was.

the wet, squelching sound coming from you was filling the room and making you heat with embarrassment, while he continues pounding into you really fast. matt grins feeling you squeezing him so tight, it was almost painful, "why'd you do that, huh? got bored of my dick? wanted to make me fuckin' angry?" he rasps, holding your hips when you can't stay still, desperately shaking your head but not being able to say anything, only moans and soft sobs leaving your lips at how good he was making you feel. "i- oh! i'm..." that's when he pulls out just as you were almost coming, causing more tears stream down your face. he flips you over, your face pressed into the pillow. while still holding your hips, he lifts them up and enters you again, immediately going with the same pace as before.

"you're too loud", he bites on his lip, holding back a groan when he feels you clenching around him. despite his anger, he loves watching you struggle while he continues thrusting into you, his cock hitting your g-spot with every move. matt's pride gets the better of him when he sees you like this, knowing that he's the one making you feel so good. there's no mercy from him tonight when he continues bottoming out inside of you on that fast pace. broken cries leaving you have him weak, getting him closer to the edge, "'m tryin' to understand... but i really can't-- fuckkkk, yeah, keep squeezin' me like that..."

the way he fucks you this time reminds you of the first time. you could literally feel the passion and fascination in every of his thrust, but there was also so much anger which made you shiver. you were trying to hold onto literally anything, gripping your sheets, pillows, even the headboard that was hitting your wall with each movement. you'll definitely have some explanation to do for your parents later.

matt watches how your ass bounce, while his cock continue slamming into you and that sight makes his hips stutter, a low moan leaving him when he fills you up with his cum. he slows down only for a second to ride out his high, making you whine in response, before pulling out and flipping you over again, just to see your hair sticking to your forehead and tears on your flushed cheeks. he looks at your hole leaking cum with fascination, his ego immediately boosted.

towering over you, propping himself on his hands on each side of your head, matt looks at you intensely, which makes you literally feel his gaze on you, so you open your eyes. his mask inches away from your face, making your breath hitch in your throat. you really wanted to see his face, know what he looks like and not only know his body from the waist down. you wanted to see all of him and he was able to notice that in your eyes.

he grabs you by the jaw, squeezing your cheeks, "why'd you talk to that cop, huh?" the tone of his voice was low and rough, but dripping with passion. seeing you like this turned him on even more, while you still felt the desire to be satisfied, his release and your own arousal dripping down your inner thighs. "'n' don't gimme that bullshit again, 'bout not doin' anythin', cause i saw you, sweetheart."

"i swear..." you repeat again, shaking your head while he keeps his grip on your cheeks, making your words a bit muffled. "-- he started asking me questions, 'cause he found out about me and that guy you... you know..."

"killed?" matt tilts his head to the side, narrowing his eyes and trying to process your words. you nod weakly, while new tears runned down your face, he felt it against his skin. "i told him i don't know anything, that i only met with this guy once and nothing happened between us, that i didn't really know him..."

"and he believed you?" his tone was dripping with irony, making your heart skip a beat. "i forced myself to cry and everything, i pretended to be all sad about it and he left me alone, i promise he..."

"pretended to be sad, huh?" matt is quick to cut you off, focusing too much on one thing you said.

it wasn't a secret that you were a little bit insane, matt was aware of it since you'd let him into your room that one night. you also weren't really scared of him. well, maybe a little bit when he was mad, like for example now, but it was making you more horny than afraid, which only confirmed that you were almost as crazy as he was.

you didn't even liked that guy really, he was just a distraction from the fact you liked the hookups with the ghostface a little too much. you weren't able to get to know him, since matt was quick to move him out of the way. though you found yourself being careless to his death, since finding on his phone that he only wanted to use you anyway, just like matt said.

"yeah, i... uh, i mean, if i cared about him and his death, i wouldn't meet with you again—"

"and why was there a police car drivin' around my neighborhood, hm?" matt wanted to believe you, knowing that if you won't convince him of your innocence, then... well, things may go in a direction he doesn't want them to go. "it... it has to be a coincidence..." you swallow nervously, trying not to look away. it was the truth, you really didn't say anything, not really figuring out why. you could set him off fast, matt knew it too, but he just craved you so much, he couldn't bring himself to leave you alone.

"is it now?" he whispers into your ear, moving his tip along your dripping folds, before teasing you with stopping at you entrance, knowing how desperate and unsatisfied you still were. you whine in response, "do you think i'd just let you into my room, if it wasn't a... oh, shit—"

with one sudden movement he entered you again, starting moving with the same hard pace as before, which made you moan out loud. "c'mon, sweetheart, keep... keep talkin'... tell me more, make me believe you, yeah? fuckk, 'cause i wanna... i wanna believe you—" a low groan escapes his lips when you wrap your legs around his hips, making him go even deeper.

"i... didn't care about that guy anyway—" the sounds of you two rasping, the choked moans leaving you and skin slipping against each other filling the room, the wet sound coming from you now louder. "i lied for you, i could tell them everything about us, b-but i... oh!" matt speeds up, making your stomach drop over and over again, but you continue, "-- i... i lied for you even if i don't really know you either, i didn't even see your face..."

a hoarse, low laugh escapes matt, "oh, really now? you tryin' to make me feel bad f'you or somethin'?"

"what?! n-no! i just..."

"i don't think you understand what it means if i take that mask off." his thrusts started being more urgent and hard, immediately making you clench around him and finally getting the release you so desperately needed. matt curses under his breath, feeling how your sticky walls suck him in while you cry out of pleasure, desperately gripping the sheets to hold onto something. "shiiittt... here you go... making this pretty little mess on my cock..."

he doesn't change his pace at all causing you to whine and making it impossible for you to stay still. matt shifts, putting your legs over his shoulders, gripping your thighs tightly, this new angle allowing him to hit your g-spot more intensely. the overstimulation hurts so good, you can't keep your eyes open.

"y'really wanna see my face, huh?" he grunts softly at the feeling of you squeezing him so hard, "but that... changes everything for you... mmhm, oh fuck—"

this whole time matt was sure that he would never show you his identity, knowing that it would complicate things and if something went wrong between you two then... he would have to deal with it in his own crazy way, doing things that he wouldn't want to do to you. but there was something more inside him, a bit of insecurity about what you would say, whether you would actually like him or if you would just immediately kick him out the door and never speak to him again. and this mask hid his shyness, without it he felt so... exposed. yet a part of him wanted to see your reaction, wanted to know what will you do.

"are you sure?" he asks while still pounding into you, but you're so lost in pleasure, you don't even know what he's asking about. "'cause y'know, sweetheart... you won't be able to get rid of me completely, once i do this..."

hearing your quiet, weak "please", matt slows down just slightly and before he could overthink his decision, he grabs the bottom edge of the mask and pulls it off in one swift movement. and that's when you see him.

the moment your eyes meet, he freezes and stops moving inside of you, his fingers pressing into your thigh a little more like he was still trying to maintain control, even if his heart was pounding in his chest. you look at him with wide, aroused eyes, feeling your breath was taken away. he was so... handsome. beautiful. it seemed like you could say he was an angel and it wouldn't be the least bit dramatic.

you didn't know what to focus on, you were so overwhelmed by his beauty. his facial features, that sharp, defined jaw, the prominent cheekbones... but his very blue eyes were doing the main job here, his gaze was so intense, it made you feel small. and those pink lips that just looked so kissable.

now when he was finally without the ghostface mask, you were able to notice more details, like for example the silver chain on his neck, the earrings or how his messy brown hair looked so fluffy, making you want to run your hand through it.

and also the fact that you've already seen him before. now you remembered where you know his voice from. "matt?" you finally speak up quietly, almost hesitatingly, but he hears you and it's enough to make his breath hitch in his throat.

"you..." his voice cracks slightly, a small frown appearing between his eyebrows. clearing his throat, he continues, "you, uh.. remember?"

if you remember? how could you not? that one party a few weeks ago where a guy approached you halfway through. you remember that he was so... almost shy? you were talking like crazy while he was mostly just staring, but he introduced himself. matt. you remembered him because he had such nice tattoos, you couldn't stop staring at his arm.

"yeah, i.... of course i remember."

for him it was like a punch in the gut. he would never think that you remembered him from that party. he was hypnotized by you, just staring at you while you talked, which made him believe he made himself look like a fool in your eyes. this whole interaction was also short, because he quickly realized about his not so little problem he had in his pants, just from staring at you and listening to your voice. so he quickly left you alone, having been obsessed with you ever since.

so matt was just convinced that you thought of him as some weirdo, that you forgot about him as soon as he disappeared from your sight at that party. he was sure that when you'd see his face you would freak out, but you... you looked intrigued. he noticed something in your eyes that he couldn't necessarily name. maybe he just imagined it.

licking his lips, he puts your legs back on the mattress and pulls his black hoodie over his head, allowing you to see his tattoos. it really was him. "i didn't have the chance to tell you this then, but, uh..." you swallow a bit nervously, gently touching his arm, tracing the lines of his tattoos with your finger, unconsciously causing matt to lose his mind. "-- i really think they suit you."

that was it for matt.

letting out a low groan, he starts moving again, but this time slower, though still making sure you feel his dick deep. he now towers over you and after a moment of just eye contact, you feel his lips on yours, which stole a quiet, surprised whimper from you.

and for some reason he stayed over night this time. you were sure you wouldn't be able to walk tomorrow, being too sore, but you didn't care, not being able to get enough of him. you wanted to learn his body by heart. somehow it felt right even if it shouldn't.

a/n: hope you guys like it!! this is kinda basically the "last" part, there won't be any other long part like this but i still wanna continue this au!! so if you have any requests or idk questions about ghostface!matt just write them in my inbox, i'd loooveee to continue with this story if y'all want me to. but i'd mostly make it short, maybe as oneshots or something like that. xoxo.

@certifiedstarrr @chrislovespepsi @le4hsblog @sturnsxbitvh @sweetlikesug4rvenom @xaristhings @mattsfavbitchhh @lvrsturniolo @r0s3luvr @slut4brunettes @madisonsturnioloss @chrispillowprincess @sturnioloslutttt4 @ashlishes @mattsbitchh @hi-people-who-are-alive @stellward123 @inssanely @matts-girlfriend @imnotalive420

[bunnwich]

Bunbun, how do you think Leona got his scar??

How Leona Got His Scar and Other Thoughts

So this is for sure something I’ve thought about a lot and how Leona’s Scar relates to him as a character. I get that it's very likely he was simply given a scar by Yana to mirror his Great Seven counterpart of Scar...but you guys know I love to create my own lore. I personally find the little information we do get on Leona’s scar interesting. In one of Leona's chats, Ruggie asks Leona where he got his Scar and notes that The King of Beasts also has a scar on his left eye.

Of course, Leona, being Leona, brushes off the question and says he doesn't remember, but logically, we know it would be silly for someone to forget how such a prominent injury was received. And as far as we know, he doesn't have any other scars besides this one. 

So, he’s avoiding the truth. Either so the writers can be cheeky about it all, since Scar’s scar origins have had many recons. OR, if you wanna look deeper, maybe there is an implication that Leona prefers not to talk about it because the memory is upsetting. So, he brushes it off with a smirk.

Since I love angst, I prefer the latter. But, let's put a pin in that for a sec.

I think an interesting aspect to all this is that in the Magical Archives (I believe) it's mentioned that scars are something to be proud of in Sunset Savanna, which always kinda puzzled me.

We know that Twisted Wonderland has a skewed perception of the respective Disney villains, but it's still an interesting choice.

In the Lion King lore, a scar is essentially a bad omen. After Scar's death, two characters, Kion and Kovu, are condemned to others viewing them negatively. It's treated as a "Mark of Evil" in the Lion Guard show and even used as a symbol of Kion's deteriorating mental health. There is a symbol found on the ground that they refer to as a “Mark of Evil" where Scar's spirit manifested. TBH, even the treatment of Scar himself borders on ableism and the fact that people refer to him BY his disfigurement is kinda wild.

(Lion Guard wiki)

Since we kinda get conflicting lore from TLK and Twisted Wonderland on how scars are viewed...this really made me think about how it affects Leona. 

I like to believe the view of scars is nuanced in the Sunset Savanna. Maybe now with the younger generations, there is a different attitude regarding scars and they no big deal. Maybe because of the King of Beasts more positive influence, they just are seen as a more "heroic" thing in general. 

But, going back to Leona-

I think with what we know of his backstory a chunk of his people view him as this “bad omen” already due to his unique magic. And maybe after Leona received his “mark,” at some point as a child, some folks (maybe older ones) became even more apt to view him as a cursed prince. In Leona’s overblot flashback, we see how the servants in the palace fear and gossip about him.

Since we don't know the full truth of it, since the writers love to deprive us of Leona lore… My headcanon is this- When he and Falena were young, someone went to attack Falena and because the guard’s attention was so focused on the direct heir, Leona was hurt in the crossfire. Not only this, Leona has quite an adverse reaction to being attacked (perhaps for the first time physically as I also HC he was a weak child) However, he was still a child with a powerful Unique Magic, one he maybe couldn't control well at the time. So he attacks the attacker, who was maybe even just another child playing rough or perhaps just a rowdy peasant? Either way, this doesn't end well, he perhaps fatally injures the attacker and is punished for it. And so, begins the series complexes he has as the grumpy Lion we know now.

The desire for him to always be in control and be proficient at magic and magical defense.

His cynicism confirmed. Being reminded again of his place in life. Being only viewed as "a spare heir" compared to his brother. An unnecessary piece.

The disconnection he feels with his family and their disapproval of him and his actions.

Perhaps, this is why Leona is so good at defensive magic (like he mentions to Riddle who failed to collar him at first in Chapter 2.) Maybe this is why he chose to take up sports and self-defense, to protect himself from others despite preferring his intellect to fight. We know he at some point learns from Kifaji how to wrestle in the Catch the Tail Tournament. All this to say, I believe whatever happened is something traumatic for Leona and linked to his insecurities as a person. (Kinda like in many of Scar's backstories) I get into that a bit in this fic I wrote of Yuu comforting Leona. I just find it interesting to think about how the memory of receiving his Scar has affected him as he got older. While cocky and good at acting nonchalant, I do believe, deep down Leona feels uneasy about others' commenting about it or touching it.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts, as per usual! Thanks for asking I enjoyed yapping!

[genderkoolaid]

The transandrophobia brainrot has hit tiktok hard. There's a sound going around right now that uses the T slur in a reclamatory way, but whenever a transmasc person uses the sound people lose their minds saying it's transmisogynistic for them to use that word. But when cis male drag queens use the audio it's a slay.

My answer to those people is Get Kate Bornstein'd:

Tranny. Many people don’t know the history of the word, they assume it was an assigned hate term or slur along the lines of the “n” word. That’s not how it happened. Tranny was invented by us in Sydney, Australia in the 1970s where drag was a big deal, and still the best drag shows ever are in Sydney, Australia – they’re amazing. So a lot of trans-identified women who were assigned male at birth did drag, that’s how you made your living. And so they were transsexuals, transvestites, drag queens, and they were all doing drag to make money. They all bickered amongst each other who is better than who, “Well the drag queens are better,” “No, the transsexuals are better.” “You are all freaks, we’re better.” And on and on and on. But they worked together and they were family together, so they came up with a word that would say family and that was tranny. In Australia they do the diminutive, that’s how they come up with words. So tranny. I learned the word in the mid-1980s, late 1980s from my drag mom in San Francisco, Doris Fish, who was the city’s preeminent drag queen and she’d come from Sydney. And she schooled me in this word tranny, she said, “This way it means we’re family, darling.” “Thank you mama.” [...] So we used it and we were trannies together. And F to M was just beginning to start, the trans men were just beginning to become visible, Lou Sullivan was a neighbor of mine around the corner, and he was the first big out trans man, wrote his book. So trans men and cross dressers . . . cross dressers were also family. Transsexuals, we were all trannies and that felt good. That got into the sex industry and became a genre – there was tranny porn, there were tranny sex workers – chicks with dicks, she-males. [...] And, my only guess is that people who . . . because the only way they would have found out about the word is if they were watching tranny porn or having been with a tranny sex worker and then hated themselves so much that they turned it into a curse word. So it’s not really technically correct to say we’re reclaiming a word – it was always ours. So, many people mistake the word for the hatred behind the word and, in my generation, and I’m sure in future generations of trans people, tranny is going to be a radicalized, sexualized identity of trans in the same way that faggot is a prideful identity in the gay male community – not all gay men are faggots, but those who are are proudly fags and those who are dykes are proudly dykes within the lesbian community, trannies are proudly tranny within the transgender community. Does that mean we can’t call ourselves that because some trans woman does not want to be called a tranny? No. I’m going to keep calling myself a tranny. To the trans woman who gets called tranny, I’m sorry – as soon as . . . you’ve got to look at why you’re getting called tranny and if you don’t pass, you’re going to be read as a transgender person and then you fall back on the cultural view of trans folk which is freak, disgusting, not worth living, we can hurt you. It has nothing to do with the word, it has everything to do with the cultural attitude. So the word has stirred up a shit storm, but it’s not the word.

^ From this interview

Four weeks ago, Bear posted a call for submissions on his blog. In the interests of keeping the call as open as possible, we agreed to include as many trans-identities as we knew, so we used the word "tranny." And that's where the activist shit hit the postmodern fan base. People have been pissed. Here's their argument: FTMs are co-opting a word that belongs to MTFs. The word "tranny" belongs to MTFs, reason those who were hurt by our use of the word, because it was a denigrating term reclaimed by MTFs—ergo, only MTFs could be known as trannies. I spoke with Bear, and we agree that’s wrong on several counts:

Tranny began as a uniting term amongst ourselves. Of course it’s going to be picked up and used as a denigrating term by mean people in the world. But even if we manage to get them to stop saying tranny like a thrown rock, mean people will come up with another word to wound us with. So, let’s get back to using tranny as a uniting term amongst ourselves. That would make Doris Fish very happy.

It's our first own language word for ourselves that has no medical-legacy. 

Even if (like gay) hate-filled people try to make tranny into a bad word, our most positive response is to own the word (a word invented by the queerest of the queer of their day). We have the opportunity to re-create tranny as a positive in the world.

Saying that FTMs can’t call themselves trannies eerily echoes the 1980s lesbians who said I couldn’t use the word woman to identify myself, and the 1990s lesbians who said I couldn’t use the word dyke. 

At one phase in the evolution of transpeople-as-tribe, it was the male-to-females who were visible and representative of trans to the rest of the world. They were the trannies. Today? Ironically true to the binary we’re in the process of shattering, the pendulum has swung so that it's now female-to-males who are the archetypal trannies of the day. The generation coming up beyond the next generation, i.e. my tribal grandchildren are the young boys who transition to young girls at the age of five or six. They’re the next trannies. None of us can own the word. We can only be grateful that our tribe is so much larger than we had thought it would be. How to come together—now that’s the job of the next generation of gender outlaws.

^ From Who You Calling A Tranny?

We've been having this debate forever and its been stupid forever.

And its an increasingly outdated debate. More people know about trans men&mascs than ever and there are plenty of TM&Ms who have been called tranny by transphobes who don't give a shit about this distinction. And not just people who have been mistaken for transfems, either, but men like Andrew Jonathan Blake-Newton and Saye Skye who were attacked by people who knew them. Do they have more or less of a right to say tranny than a trans girl whose never been called it by a transphobe? (Neither. Because no one owns this word.)

[carn4g3]

hear me out:

Yandere Toby being given a target who's in college and ends up fronting as a students

Meets reader, who's actually patient with Toby and doesn't fault him or make fun of his tics

Decides to prolong his "stay" and then finding out Reader had a partner

But he's just got to have them

(⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Journalistic Intent | Yandere Ticci Toby x GN Reader

Summary: A school reporting gone sideways. Toby is simply tasked to collect an impromptu Slenderman candid. Instead, he finds himself more interested in the photographer, you. Surely, it wouldn't hurt to take you with him instead, would it?

TWs: Descriptions of yandere behavior (manipulation and obsession), delusional thinking (by no means an accurate representation of real mental illness), explicit violence, verbal arguments, some details of gore and blood, & reader is a bit of a people pleaser

Word Count: 7.5k

A/N: I tend to write things from the reader's perspective a bit more, but I tried to go from Toby's instead. So, theres a little bit (who am I kidding, a lot bit) of unreliable narration here hehe.

The large sets of double doors at the back of the room screeched and groaned at infuriating intervals as students trickled into the echoing lecture hall. The seats creaked in an equally shrill manner as each of those students inevitably found a seat in the room. Though the people themselves were mostly silent, a few quiet conversations peaked out here and there and only further grated on Toby's ears.

"Fuckin' stupid..." He muttered under his breath.

This wasn't even supposed to be his assignment. Hoodie was usually the one who headed missions that went into the city like this given he had a little bit more charisma than any of the other proxies. But, apparently even that wouldn't be enough for him to pass under the radar as a generic college student. Inexplicably, in his opinion, that managed to fall on Toby. Adorned in a university branded pullover and a generic disposable mask, he found himself seated in the middle rows of some 100-person lecture.

Seated in the row before him was the target. Having gone on an adventure to the woods just a handful of miles away, you had managed to snag a photo of Slender. It wasn't the most damning evidence of the creature Toby had ever seen; its featureless white face peeking out between the branches of some background foliage, only a keen observer would be able to notice the dark shape that resembled the rest of its body. Nevertheless, you had stupidly chosen to hand the photo off to be published in some sort of school magazine. The article seemed to be hardly noteworthy beyond the handful of conspiracy theorists who managed to get their hands on it, but Slender was a creature of principle. It needed the original photo in order to properly wipe it from existence, so that was Toby's goal-- acquire that photo by any means.

Toby despised missions like these. The lack of clear parameters set his thoughts ablaze, and he was even worse at remaining below the radar. He could already feel the judgmental glares of the people beginning to crowd the room as his body jerked against his will. Tapping his nail against the desk space in front of him, his eyes wandered to those prying eyes. Heads turning to acknowledge the freak in the room, he swore he saw two girls begin to laugh about him from the front row. God, why couldn't he just gouge out their eyes-

"Alright folks, looks like it's 12 o'clock, so I'll go ahead and get started." A man spoke from the front of the room.

His voice abruptly cut through all the chatter and silenced it almost instantly. Given that the man was standing confidently at the front of the room, Toby could only guess that this was the teacher. He hardly cared to listen to what the man was droning on about as he clicked through the slides of some sort of introductory presentation. Casting his focus downwards, Toby took note of you once more. He could only see the back of your head from the seat he had chosen, but he had already studied your appearance carefully beforehand. You looked like what Toby imagined a college student would-- not to mention, you were undeniably attractive.

Toby's first task was to find a way into your apartment where the photo (likely) was hiding. Living in some sort of high-rise, he couldn't simply break in through the window. Your building also appeared to have slightly more security than average: cameras, alarm systems, and even actual security personnel at night. Without the usual means of easy escape, he would need to execute a break-in relatively undetected. Hoodie suggested he simply try to steal your keys and slip into your apartment while you're still away at class. It was certainly the easiest way, but Toby hated that he was even considering following the other man's suggestion.

"Why don't you all turn to someone around you and introduce yourself. Name, major, why you're taking this class, all the usual stuff," The teacher's voice surfaced once more, "Try to talk to someone you don't know, preferably."

With the instructions cutting through Toby’s pensive thoughts, he finally managed to look around the space he was occupying. No one had sat near him, though he wasn’t surprised. The closest student was about three seats away and already had their attention turned towards the person next to them. He scoffed, the situation reminding him too much of high school. Shifting towards you, he wondered who had managed to catch your interest, maybe even curious about gaining some additional information on you. Instead, your features were pointed at him, a gentle smile falling over your face as you said your name.

"My major is journalism, and I guess I'm really only taking this class for the university requirement." You went through the introduction pointers the teacher had given, "What about you?"

Toby's eyes widened as you kept speaking. Your gaze was soft and laced with curiosity, and you were talking to him. Unsure if the moment was even real, Toby had to blink a few times before he finally produced a response.

"I'm T-Toby-- shit!" Of course, reality came crashing back to him as his fist unwillingly pounded against his chest and an equally involuntary swear followed after.

The chatter around the two of you seemed to quiet at that. Soon enough, the hush conversation returned like a swarm. The words weren't clear, but Toby knew they must be talking about him. It was just like when he was a kid. People constantly laughed and pointed at him like they were subtle, but they weren't-- not in the slightest. Catching the sideways glance of someone else in the room, Toby had to clench his fists tight to stop himself from rushing over and punching that stupid look of superiority off their face.

"Hey, you're all good, take your time if you need to." Your words cut through his spiraling senses almost instantly.

Looking down at you, Toby expected to see the look of disgusted judgement or pity he always received. Instead, you looked just as you had before. Smile reaching your eyes, you seemed so understanding, so welcoming. He barely noticed the way his fists grew slack until he was speaking again.

"I um... don't h-have a major," He tried to echo the response you had given him, keeping details vague as he was taught to, "and I'm he-here for the same-- fuck-- same reason."

You nodded along to his words, "Is this your first year here or are you still just trying to figure all the major stuff out?"

"Uh... first year." He answered with uncertainty.

"Oh nice! I've been here for a few years now, so I'm almost at the end of my degree. I just have to get these annoying gen requirements out of the way," You replied, "Believe me, don't do what I did. Just get all of these your way your first few years."

Nodding as you gave your piece of advice, Toby's focus strayed to your lips as you spoke. Watching the way they moved as you spoke, you seemed very knowledgeable. Admittedly, he knew next to nothing about college and would never need to, but the way you talked to him and gave him advice regardless. Why wasn't everyone just like you?

To his disappointment, your attention was quickly drawn back to the professor as he called the class together once more. He wasn't all too happy that his only sight of you was the back of your head, but the quieting chatter around him finally let the thoughts flow through his brain evenly. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to linger around a bit longer.

The days Toby got to see you next were too few and far between. Only three days a week for 90 minutes, that was hardly enough time to spend with you. Especially as the teacher droned on and on at the front of the room, Toby could only wait anxiously in the seat behind you for the next time you would turn to him-- the room fading around you two fading into obscurity.

He was never the most punctual when he was last in a school setting: frequently showing up late or outright skipping classes he didn't want to be in. But here, he was always the first through those creaky double doors. Waiting anxiously, he could feel his heart pound against his chest as each new person entered the room. Some nights, Toby could hardly sleep with the way the anticipation killed him.

"How did you do on the quiz?" Your voice swelled melodically to his ears.

"Quiz..." Toby echoed.

He vaguely remembered the professor mentioning something about an online quiz. It had practically gone in one ear and out the other since he wasn't actually a student.

"Not g-great." He muttered, almost sadly.

A sympathetic look crossed your features at that response, "Aw, I'm sorry. It was definitely a bit of a rougher one."

Toby knew those words were just a lie to make him feel better about his supposed failure. You seemed to pay steadfast attention to the content of the class. He would watch as you took delicate notes on each concept-- keeping up with the teacher's fast talking pace far better than he could. You probably aced the test without a second thought about it.

"Do you have any good study strategies or anything like that?" You asked next.

Toby shrugged, "Just... not g-good at i-it."

You sighed once more, a look of pity crossing your features. Toby would have despised it from anyone else, but he almost felt a swell of pride seeing you direct such a feeling at him.

"It took me a while to get into some good study habits too," You added, "Hey, why don't we study together for the next quiz?"

The man perked up at the offer. Were you offering to spend time with him? You watched him expectantly, waiting for an answer to your question. He couldn't possibly say no.

"Ye- shit! Yeah, th-that'd be great." He hated the way he struggled out the response, but it hardly mattered when you appeared so unbothered by it.

You beamed at him, "Great! Here, let's exchange numbers so we can plan it when it gets closer."

Without another word, you turned around to grab your phone. Your thumbs moving swiftly across the pop-up keyboard, Toby had half a mind to remember that he didn't even know his own phone number.

"Can y-you just-- fuck-- write it?" Toby asked.

Your motions halted quickly at the request, "Oh yeah, sure."

Turning around once more, he had to lean forward slightly to watch as your pencil scrawled across the paper in the form of your phone number. Tearing off the small scrap, you swiveled back around and held it out towards Toby. He was almost nervous to reach out for it, hand jittery as he slowly extended it from his body. Trying to reign in his nerves, he did his best to repress any of the bubbling sensations of a tic looking to seize his arm. Finally grasping the small slip of paper, he simply couldn't stop himself from letting his fingers graze against your own slightly just to see what it was like.

"Just let me know it's you whenever you text." You chuckled.

"Yeah..." He trailed off, attention turned entirely to the tiny piece of paper.

Thumbs smoothing out the curling corners, Toby's eyes followed the soft trail your pencil had left, swooping and curling around each number. You had written down your name as well. He wanted to run his fingers over the graphite, as though he could feel your touch through it, but he knew the sweat beading at his hands would smear your perfect writing. Turning his gaze back to you, his words caught in his throat as he noticed your attention had turned back to the front of the room. The teacher had been talking for who knows how long now, completely stealing your attention.

The words of the man at the front of room had become a dull droning to his ears quickly. He could barely sit still as he waited for the teacher to finally shut up. Eyes darting between you, your number on the paper, and the clock, his leg bounced almost furiously as the seconds ticked closer and closer to the usual end time. It took far too long before the shuffling of backpacks hit his ears, other students beginning to stand and exit the room just as hastily as he would have if it weren't for you.

Standing abruptly, Toby took the opportunity to talk to you, "D-do you study a.. a lot?"

It took you a moment to turn to him as you gathered your things, "Oh um... I guess. Maybe not as much as I should."

"It pro-probably does-- doesn't matter for you-- shit! Anyways," He muttered, picking at his fingers absentmindedly, "You're real- really smart."

A smile spread over your face at the compliment, "You're sweet, Toby. Thank you."

Heat rushed to his ears like a wildfire, heart hammering against the inside of his chest once more. God, he could hear you say his name like a mantra, over and over and over...

"You should give yourself more credit, though," You continued speaking, "You're smart as well."

Toby's eyes widened as he quickly shook his head, "N-no-- fuck! I'm not... really."

"You are!" You insisted, "Doing good or bad on a test in just one subject-- hell, even several-- hardly says anything about what you actually know."

The words didn't particularly ring too important to Toby, his brain still lingering on the way you called him smart. If you said it to him, it must be true. It conjured memories of the things his fellow proxies would call him. How Hoodie spoke to him like he was an idiotic child, or the way Masky outright called him a dumbass. Everything he had called Toby over the years, he wondered what the other man would think if he heard the way you talked about him. He wished he could take you with him, present you to that bastard himself and show him how wrong he is.

"Tha-anks." Toby muttered bashfully.

"Of course." You smiled at him once more, the look sending shocks straight to his heart.

Toby hadn't even realized the two of you had left the classroom, too enraptured by your words. As a sudden cool air seeped through the fabric of his sweater, he took note that he was outside now. He normally didn't feel much about such changes in temperature, but the breeze felt pleasantly cool against his skin. That usually meant he was overheating without having noticed it. A bit of panic edged its way into his consciousness, he hoped you hadn't noticed.

"It's getting so cold out lately." You stuffed your hands into your pockets.

"Yeah, i-it's..." The words fizzled out in his throat as his eyes fell on a familiar figure.

Tan jacket and a coil of smoke, why was he here? He rarely ever saw Tim without a mask, but this was most obviously a situation that called for it. Eyes raising from the ground, they met Toby's. Tossing the cigarette on the pavement, he stubbed it out under his work boot and shoved his hands into his pockets. The gesture was clear, he wanted to talk.

"Everything alright?" Your voice piped up.

"I'm fine." He answered sharply.

"Ok..." You trailed off, "I'll see you next class."

Casting him an almost pitiful look, you walked away. Toby's gut twisted unpleasantly as he recognized that look. You were better than that. You didn't think of him like that, not until Masky showed up, at least. He just had to ruin everything for Toby, didn't he? Moving briskly towards the older man, his hands clenched into tight fists at his sides.

"What do yo-you want." Toby practically growled the words

"You're taking your time." Tim matched the other man's tone.

"It's not my j-j... job, I can take however-- shit-- long I'd like." Toby countered

"No, you can't," His words were stern, the no-nonsense tone that Toby hated, "You have your own assignments you need to take care of."

"Maybe you sh-- shouldn't have handed this... shit off to-- fuck! Me," He hissed, "Start d-doing your own sh... shit for once."

"I didn't ask for your opinion." Masky's face twisted in contempt.

He didn't give Toby a chance to reply before continuing, "Get your mind out of your dick and finish the job. I'm not gonna fuckin ask again."

"Is that all you ca-came to do?" Toby spat, "Bi-bitch about the job you-- fuck! couldn't fig-figu... figure out for yourself?"

"Shut the hell up," Tim muttered with barely concealed rage, "I'll kill that bitch myself if you don't get to it."

"Fuck you!" Toby's raised tone caught the gaze of some passing students.

He shot a glare of his own at the few eyes that accidentally met his. He had no patience for their judgmental stares, not when Masky grated on his nerves so much. Much to his further irritation, the older man simply shook his head at the threat, leaving after wordlessly having deemed the conversation complete. It took all of Toby's restraint to not follow after him, even if it would have been so easy to just cave his skull in from the back. He could do it with his own fists if he really wanted to. Eventually, he found himself calming down. Releasing the pressure from his hands, he had left crescent indents in his palms, but it wasn't like he could feel the sting of them anyways.

He would show Tim. You would show Tim.

Toby's eyes lingered over the text bubble on the screen, "Hey, this is Toby." The greeting was simplistic, but, after mulling over it for about 10 minutes, he finally gathered the courage to let his thumb fall onto the send button. He was almost getting impatient staring at the cracked screen, tapping it periodically so it wouldn't go dark. As expected, though, you pulled through-- those three dots popping up from the other side of the screen.

"Hey, Toby," Your text read, "How was your day?"

His heart fluttered at the question, "good," he resisted the urge to type that he missed you, "how was yours?"

"Not too bad, I wish all my classes were as easy as the one we have." You answered.

Toby read over the message a few times, lingering on one word repeatedly: we. He wished everything of yours could be shared. Too busy thinking, he must have taken long enough that you decided to send another text.

"Were you still interested in studying together?" The message asked.

"Yes." He wasted no time in typing and sending the response.

"I was looking at the next quiz and it's coming up way sooner than I thought," It took a moment for you to type the sentence, "I'm free after 10 next Thursday if that works?"

"I am." Toby remained just as eager.

"Ok great! Would the library work for you?" You asked

Toby's thumbs had readied another frantic response of approval, wishing nothing more than to just get to see you already, but they soon stopped short of the screen. He was willing to meet you anywhere for anything, but should he? Masky's words echoed in his head and sent another course of pure anger through his veins. The tree across from him had still yet to recover, wood spent and splintered from the way he had slammed his hatchet into it so viciously. As much as he hated it, the man didn't make his threats meaningless. He would intervene if Toby took too long, and the thought of Masky's disgusting hands on you made his own skin crawl.

"Not the library," He answered instead, "Too many people."

He worried his bottom lip as you took longer to respond than previous, but your message eventually appeared, "That's all good. How about we meet at my apartment instead."

"That's perfect." Toby hardly thought it through before sending the agreement.

You had to have known exactly what he wanted, giving him an answer so perfect like that. Not only would he get to spend time with you, (alone, at that) but he could also acquire that damn photo that brought him here in the first place.

"Ok great! How about we meet at 11, I'll send you the address when it gets closer." Your final text read.

He poured over your texts repeatedly, your address becoming a fixture in his memory once you sent it to him. Toby hardly noticed the way the time passed until he was there, sitting in the lobby space of your apartment building. Not really checking the time before he arrived here, he was undoubtedly early. People passed in and out quite frequently, entering through the door, exiting through the elevators, some checking their mailbox, others wandering to areas out of Toby's sight. It seemed like a nice place, probably expensive, but you had probably worked hard to acquire it.

Scrolling through your texts once more, Toby's eyes flitted upwards as he noticed someone new approach the exterior door. Pushing into the building's glass door, he immediately recognized you. Seeming focused on heading towards the elevators, Toby shot up out of his seat before you could miss him.

"Oh, Toby," You greeted, a bit of surprise in your voice, "You're early."

"Yeah..." He trailed off, sensing you didn't seem quite as thrilled to see him as he was you, "I ca-can wait if you-- shit! Need."

"No, no, it's fine, no point in going all the way up just to come back down, right?" You shook your head.

Continuing your previous path, you led Toby with you this time, "Here, I live on the 4th floor, so we'll take one of the elevators up."

"I-it's really nice," Toby commented, "The building."

"Compared to some of the other places around here, yeah," You nodded in agreement, "It's not cheap at all, though, but it's a lot better than the university apartments. What about you? Are you living in the dorms right now or somewhere else?"

"Somewhere e-else." He kept his reply short, hoping you would keep talking.

"Nice, like with your parents or are you renting around here?" You pressed.

Toby shifted uncomfortably at the mention of parents, your questions getting on his nerves a little more than he would like, "Just somewhere else."

"Oh ok," You trailed off, "Sorry for prying."

Just as the words of apology left your lips, the bell of the arriving elevator cut through the tense atmosphere. Doors sliding open, you stepped in wordlessly, pressed the button marked for floor 4, and settled into a spot in the small space. With no one else entering, Toby was left with you as the door slid shut. He felt unsettled for a moment in the small, enclosed space, but it quickly faded as his spiraling mind took note of you. Has he ever been able to linger this close to you before? The air felt warmed from your breaths, the pleasant smell of your clothes intermixing as he shifted closer to you. You looked too dejected standing there silently, watching the numbers count up on the screen above the door.

"It's f-fine," Toby responded to your earlier apology, "How l-l... long have you lived he-here?"

"This is only my 2nd year here, but I'll probably move out once I graduate." You answered, perking up once more.

"Where are you moving?" He asked quickly.

"We're still planning it a bit. I'm hoping to get into this internship program my mentor works with, so it would be a bit far from here and in a way bigger city." You continued to ramble on about the internship opportunity until the elevator reached your floor.

Doors sliding open, Toby was greeted by a long, carpeted hallways. Various doors staggered across each side with unit numbers fixated around the upper middle. He wasn't too focused on it all, following after you as he let his thoughts linger on your words. This town was already pretty far out of his usual scope, but it wasn't impossible to reach if he really wanted to see you again. If you left, though, he certainly wouldn't be able to locate you there. Especially with Masky's micromanaging, he would hardly make it to finding your new address before the other man stopped him.

"Toby?" His name on your lips catching his interest once more.

"Y-yeah?" He looked at you expectantly.

"I just asked if you brought anything to study with. You didn't leave anything in the lobby, right?" You asked.

"I didn't..." He trailed off, realizing his mistake, "I do bet- better without them."

"Ok, that's fine! We can just use my textbook and stuff," You nodded, "Anyways, welcome in! Sorry for the mess, I was hoping to clean a little bit beforehand, but it's alright."

A variety of decorations and other personal effects were strewn about the place in what seemed to be an intentional manner. It looked lived in, much cozier than anywhere Toby stayed. Only retiring to his allotted cabin in the woods to crash for a few hours, he never really thought of making it look nice. Toby wondered how you might decorate his cabin, where you would put your things. What would you do with the few items he did have? He felt a rise of anticipation thinking about your possessions intermixed.

"Why don't you just wait on the couch while I get a few things, ok?" You offered, tossing your bag onto the aforementioned couch.

"Can I see?" He asked.

"Like the rest of the apartment?" He nodded in confirmation, "Um... yeah, it's a bit messy as well, but as long as you don't mind."

"It's a lot-- shit! Cleaner than my pl-lace." Toby attempted to ease your apprehension.

You chuckled, "Yeah, well... we try our best."

Walking expertly through the apartment, you headed down a short hallway-- ending up in what looked to be an office space. As expected, it wasn't as messy as you claimed it to be. Decorations seemed to be in designated places with important work in the others. The last time Toby had any type of desk must have been in his childhood. Even though much time had passed, he hardly knew what the desk looked like then, using its surface as a glorified junk drawer. Looking over the items you chose to place in the space, he took note of a few photos. There were some with you as the focus, but they were mostly a mix of people that Toby didn't recognize-- those must be your friends. He wasn't surprised to see you had several. Trailing up further, he saw it: a digital camera.

"Do you t-take photos?" He snatched the device off the desk to observe it.

"Oh... Yeah, I do. Just um... be careful with that." You approached him as he powered it on.

Seeing the logo flash on the screen, it didn't take long for the screen to turn from a dark void to a recognizable interface. He managed to pick up on it quickly, despite the many years it had been since he so much as glanced at a modern digital camera. The photos weren't anything too interesting, none of them were of you. Depicting mostly the school buildings or the city outside it, he flicked through them quickly until he hit the important ones. Changing starkly from the prior pictures of outdoor art pieces, Toby recognized the trees instantly. He practically grew up in those woods you had merely visited for a few chance photos, yet you managed to capture it perfectly.

"Wh-what were-- fuck! These for?" Toby looked at you briefly.

"It's just some nature shots of the woods a few miles North," You answered, hovering close to him, "for a journalistic photography class. Why don't we head back to the living room now?"

Toby disregarded your words, briefly scanning photo after photo until he found the one. He didn't look at the target photo all too much when Hoodie had shown him initially. Looking at it from your view, he noted the way the light shone through the dew-covered leaves so beautifully that even he almost missed the stark white face of his boss peaking through them. Toby really had to wonder why he presented himself to you. No obsessions with the morbid aspects of life, you seemed a bit more normal than even the tamest individuals who received the privilege of spotting Slender. Not to mention, you hadn't even cemented yourself as worrisome enough to be deemed a target. As far as Toby was concerned, Slenderman didn't make mistakes. He didn't just let some random human snag a picture for the hell of it. Your ability to capture this photo alone was proof enough that you were special in some way, even Slender had to agree.

"Wh-what's this?" He asked, placing a finger on the screen just underneath Slender's face.

"Oh, it was probably a weird camera glitch or something. This thing is getting old." Slipping your hand around Toby's, he let you take the camera out of his hands.

Turning it off, you placed it back where he had found it, "Come on, let's try to get some studying done."

He didn't like your dismissal of his question, eager to pry you on it further. What if you did know about Slender's existence? If you were just a normal person, he wouldn't want you to get wrapped in the cruelty of his fellow proxies or the less restrained violence of the other members. But, you clearly knew something was going on. Were you trying to shield Toby from it? Did you care for him? With those thoughts swirling around his mind, he followed you silently to the living room.

Once he could focus on actually studying, it turned out to be a bit more satisfying than Toby last remembered it. It was frustrating at first as you asked question after question that he didn't know the answer to. He didn't actually care to listen to the professor, as you called the man at the front of the room. However, it was made up for by the way you gently explained each topic, the words sticking in his mind better than they ever had before. An almost euphoric joy would fill him every time you smiled at his correct answers and explanations-- no matter how much he stuttered through them.

"I think we've covered a lot today, right?" You asked.

Toby nodded eagerly, "Is there any...more?"

"Well, we've gone over pretty much all the content now for the upcoming quiz and the last one too," You answered, "I'm not sure there's anything else to work on."

"Can we g-go over it-- shit-- one more time?" Toby asked.

"You're doing pretty good, Toby. I think you'll do well on the quiz based on what we've done so far." You replied.

Toby felt a bit disappointed by your rejection, but he wasn't going to let it sour him too much, "Just a lit-- little bit more?"

Your lips pursed together as you thought over the request for a moment, but you eventually gave a desirable response, "Ok, we'll just go over the newest things a bit more. That sound good?'

"Yes," He answered, "That's perfect."

"Just a heads up, my--" You began to speak, but your words lost Toby's attention as he heard a sound from the front door behind him.

Shooting up from his seat, he stared at the barrier as a muffled clicking sound reverberated through it. Someone was unlocking the door, but who? Was it Masky? Toby's gut twisted at the thought. It had been about a week since he last saw the man. More importantly, since he had threatened to kill you. The time difference was a bit longer than the punctual bastard would usually like, but it wasn't like he had nothing to show for it. Was he here to follow through on that threat? Could the asshole really not handle someone liking-- no, loving-- Toby for once? As the door opened, he waited with bated breath for that black and white mask and the shimmer of a handgun.

However, none of that happened.

"Oh, hey there. You must be Toby, right?" The person greeted him.

"Sorry Toby, I didn't think we would still be working this late, but I was just about to let you know," You spoke up after them, "This is my partner..."

Toby didn't listen to the rest of the introduction, the words "partner" ringing through his head like a bout of tinnitus. The stranger standing before him was your partner. He couldn't help but critique them from just their stance alone. You hadn't even mentioned a partner before now, and you and Toby were close too. Did you not actually care about this person? Surely, if you did, you would be jumping to talk about them.

"Yeah... I'm just going to get out of your guys' way. It's nice to meet you, Toby." Your partner nodded at him before heading off.

"I'm just going to go plug my phone in real quick, so just wait here for a moment." You followed suit, leaving him alone in the living room.

He didn't like how quickly you had left him. You were fine sitting mere feet away from him just minutes ago. Now, you were practically running to keep your distance. Something had to be wrong. Still stunned, it took him a minute before he finally decided to creep down the hallway. The sound of hushed voices was clear, despite the clear attempts to keep the conversations hidden behind a closed door. Creeping closer, Toby managed to find a position where he could best make out the words.

"I can tell him to leave if you want." Your partner's words were first.

"No, you don't have to. I'm just worried about coming off as mean." Your response followed.

"Well you two were supposed to be done like hours ago. It's not unreasonable to kick this creep out of your own home." Those words caused a prickle of anger to hit Toby.

He had no doubt this supposed partner of yours was referring to himself. It was far from the first time he had been called a creep; he hardly flinched at the "insult" anymore. But to think you felt the same? He waited almost anxiously for your response.

"Don't call him that. He's just... a bit awkward" You sighed, "Look, it's partially my fault for not setting a clear time we needed to be done."

Of course, you wouldn't believe such things about him. You were perfect, a saint even, he doubted you even thought of him so negatively until this stranger suggested it.

"I can handle it myself, ok? You don't need to worry about it." You added after a moment.

"I trust you," They replied "but if you need my help, I'll be right here."

Silence fell over the room for a few moments. He listened closely, hoping to gather something-- the shuffle of clothes, the press of lips-- but he was hopeless to discern anything. With the way his blood was practically pounding in his ears, he couldn't even think. You liked him, didn't you? You didn't want to kick him out, right? It must have been your partner who convinced you that it was the right decision. The thought of that stranger being so close to you right now, touching you, grated his nerves further. You deserved better than that. You deserved him.

"Oh Toby! Is everything alright?" Your voice appeared much louder than before.

In fact, you were standing right in front of him. Eyes wide, you looked shocked-- maybe even scared to be looking at him. Realizing he was a bit too close to justify a casual run in, he thought quick on his feet.

"The bathroom," He answered, "Couldn't fi-find it."

"I'm sorry, I meant to show you earlier. It's just that room, right there." You pointed in it's direction.

"Thanks." He muttered.

Shuffling past you, he let his shoulder brush against your own. Would you like his touch more than that awful partner of yours? He might not be as warm or soft. His tics got in the way sometimes, but you clearly didn't mind. Entering the bathroom, he shut and locked the door behind him. Toby considered snooping around the room for a moment but quickly discovered it lacked any of the personal flair the other rooms did. This must be a guest bathroom of sorts, disappointingly.

Turning on the faucet to believably pass the time, he couldn't help but think of the look you had given him just moments ago. You were scared. He usually enjoyed that expression when it was directed at him, but he didn't like it on you. It wasn't possible you were scared of him. Toby was hardly covered in any of the intimidating accessories he normally wore to elicit such a response-- not even a speck of blood. Could you be scared of your partner? That had to be it. You were a strong and smart person as far as Toby had gathered, so they must have hit you somewhere weak to agree to drive him away. You wouldn't need to worry for long, Toby thought, he would save you.

Deciding he had spent enough time here, he shut the faucet off. Returning to the living room, he found you sitting almost rigidly on the couch. Your partner was nowhere to be seen, probably a norm for you. Looking towards him sharply, you gave him a false smile-- the joy not quite reaching your eyes like he normally preferred.

"Hey Toby, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot my partner and I have dinner reservations not too long from now," You said, "Is it alright if we call it today? I can totally study with you some other time if you need."

He knew it was a lie, but Toby wouldn't fault you for that. He knew it wasn't your decision.

"Yeah it's--fuck! Fine." He nodded, "I'll s-see you."

You stood from the couch, a real smile lighting up your features this time, "Yeah, let me know how the test goes for you to! Do you need me to walk you out or do you remember the way back?"

"I got it." Toby replied plainly, fists curling in his pockets.

Temperature didn't usually mean much to Toby, but the almost cold chill he felt when greeted with the exterior hallway was the closest he had come to it. Stepping out the door-- no-- Leaving you felt uninviting, like he would be entering a world he had never navigated before. As much as it pained him, he would have to wait to see you again. Letting his hand fall from his pocket, his fingers tips brushed against the back of your hand as he passed by the door. He relished in smoothness against his rough fingertips, the warmth of your hands. Toby would have you soon. He knew it.

"Goodbye." He spoke as he stepped out.

"Bye." The door was shut quick after your short response, leaving him alone.

Turning in the direction you two had come from not so long ago, Toby's hand returned to his pocket. Curling comfortably once more, he felt the cool, jagged metal press into the palm of his hand. He's sure you'd hardly notice the absence of your house keys.

It must have been a loud sound you weren't used to, despite your usually noisy neighbors. But, with your brain too wrapped in sleep, you could hardly remember what it was that had woken you up now. Rolling over, you were greeted with the freezing hug of the sheets your body heat hadn't touched in hours. Checking the clock, it was 3AM to your dismay. Far too early to be up, you wondered if you would even be able to go back to sleep before your classes tomorrow or if you would just toss and turn restlessly. Turning to see if your partner had been startled by the noise as well, you found the bedside to be empty-- sheets thrown back.

Your eyes begged to pull shut once more, but you resisted the urge in favor of locating your partner. Sitting up revealed that the bathroom connected to your shared bedroom was dark, they weren't in there. Turning to the bedroom door instead, you found it left slightly ajar. That must have been the way they went.

Waiting for a few moments, you failed to hear any of the usual sounds of the building: the shuffling of steps in your apartment, creaking of your upstairs neighbors, or especially loud traffic from the road. It was almost eerily quiet. Unsettled enough, you decided to investigate for yourself. Embracing the cold air, you tossed your blankets off of your form. Shifting to stand, it took you a moment longer than usual to adjust to the sensation of the floor under the soles of your feet. Nevertheless, you moved forward, gently pushing the door open to reveal your hallway.

It was dark, but never too dark as the city lights shined through the exterior windows in your living room. Following the path they illuminated, you headed towards your kitchen-- hoping to find your partner there. With a cursory glance of the open-concept space, they were nowhere to be found. Maybe they had chosen to go to your shared office for some reason? While the thought popped into your mind, you weren't quite done in the kitchen.

Stepping a bit further in, you noticed an out of place dark mark on the counter. Leaning close to it, you tried to discern the weird mess of thick lines that had befallen the granite's edge. It was too dark for you to properly tell the color, but you guessed it was just a small spot you had missed when cleaning up after dinner. Maybe your partner had accidentally left it when getting a midnight snack, or they were intending to return to clean it. Not too worried by it, you straightened up and readied to head to the office.

That was when you saw it.

Not just a mark of color, but a puddle of it like vomit on the sidewalk. It splattered on the fridge, some specks peaking onto the wall from behind the center island. In between it all sat a severed forearm, your partner's darkened and sticky hair splayed out not far behind it. The rest of their body was hidden from you, and the gore you could see was hardly something your brain could comprehend. You had seen human innards in biology and anatomy diagrams, not tangibly in front of you on your kitchen floor. Your blood ran cold, a sweat breaking out across your skin, and a guttural scream bubbled in your diaphragm. Before it could be released, something cupped your mouth harshly, pulling your body back into another clothed being.

"I'm s-sorry," The pressure of their hold tightened as they stuttered, "I di-didn't want... you to see that."

Your scream fell into a strangled sort of sound at the appearance of an unknown assailant. Hands darting up to fight the force restraining you, you wanted to scream louder and thrash like there was no tomorrow. You could feel your heart beating out of your chest as reality finally presented itself to you. You were going to die.

"Sh- sh... shut up!" They hissed.

The words cut through your thoughts like a hot knife. Despite your intuition, you managed to keep quiet with the exception of your muffled, gasping breaths. Seeming satisfied with that, the assailant easily turned your body so that you were no longer facing the bloody kitchen scene.

"I di-did what you-- fuck! Wanted." They spoke once more.

Even through the fog of disassociation, you didn't miss the striking details of the currently faceless murderer behind you. The swearing, the twitches, the tone of voice, it all pointed to one person.

"Toby..." The name on your mouth was muffled under his hold, but he recognized it regardless.

"Yes!" He exclaimed, "You kn-knew I was coming f-- fuck! For you, didn't you? That I was go-going to save you?"

The moment of clarity was quickly lost as he continued to speak. He must be delusional. His words certainly suggested as much, but it was something beyond that. Your partner was dead in the kitchen. No one with any standard mental illness would just do that. This was something beyond a socially awkward freshman taking a strange interest in you. The realization of it all crashing down upon you brought attention to the tears beginning to fall down your face.

"No, no, no, no, don't cr-cry." He cooed, his other hand coming up to sloppily wipe at your cheek.

"I kn-know you're-- shit! Happy, but w-we still got to get... get out of here." Toby continued, "Y-you'll be e-even happier where... where we're going."

Maybe you wouldn't die. But, you could only sob harder at what you were presented with instead.

[mononijikayu]

chasing heaven — geto suguru.

“You shouldn’t love me.” he finally said, his voice low, almost pained. “It’s unequal. I would taint your name, your reputation. You’re much younger than me, and you deserve someone who can offer you the future you deserve. I can’t… I’m not looking to marry, not now. I have my duties, my career—” “I don’t care about any of that.” you interrupted, your voice firmer now, driven by the strength of your feelings. “I don’t care about reputation or duty. I only care about you, about what we could have together. I want you to be with me, Suguru. Not as my brother’s general, but as the man I love.”

GENRE: alternate universe - sengoku jidai au!;

WARNING/S: angst, fluff, romance, love, age-gap (reader is in her early 20s, suguru is early 30s), hurt/comfort, nsfw, mild smut, falling in love, friendship, comfort, hurt, pregnancy, sexual intercourse, protectiveness, subsequent marriage, happy ending, depictions of misogyny, depiction of pregnancy, mention of parting, mention of war, mention of misogny, mention of children, mention of seppaku, satoru is an overprotective, loving brother, general-warrior! suguru!, lady gojo! reader;

WORD COUNT: 9k words

NOTE: some of this is a bit inspired by abelard and heloise, who are like one of the most interesting love depictions and intellectuals in history. and bit of the ending came from the outlaw king??? the meeting at the beach??? yeah, we got that in the temple. i wanted to keep this short, but it ended up getting longer and longer and i feel like you're sick of reading long fics. i'll try to do better next time~ anyway, i still hope you enjoy this. i love you!!! <3

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•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

YOU THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME. But somehow, it has. In the quiet stillness of the temple, you had grown accustomed to the gentle rhythms of monastic life. The mornings began with the melodic chime of bells, the scent of incense filling the air as you joined the nuns in their prayers. Your world was small, contained within the temple walls, but it was peaceful—a safe haven amidst the chaos of a warring Japan.

But that peace you knew of, in this aloof mountain temple, was shattered the day your brother came.

You had always known of him, the brother who was more myth than man, a legend whispered among the nuns, among servants, among town’s folk who visited the temple. Gojo Satoru, the warrior fighting to bring the country out of disaster, was a name that carried weight even within these sacred walls.

He was the eldest, the one your mother had borne long before the war consumed the land. But you had never met him, had only the faintest memories of a mother who held you close before the temple became your home.

When the day arrived, you were summoned to the temple gate. The nuns had prepared you, dressing you in the finest robes the temple could offer, your hair carefully arranged as befitting the sister of a warrior. They had spoken in hushed tones, reminding you of your duty, of the homage you owed to the man who was your blood, your kin. But you felt a tremor of unease, an uncertainty that gnawed at the edges of your calm.

And then he appeared.

Tall, imposing, with a presence that seemed to command the very air around him, your brother was unlike anyone you had ever seen. His hair, stark white like the snow that capped the mountains, caught the light of the setting sun.

But it was his eyes that struck you most—eyes as clear and bright as the sky itself, filled with a depth that seemed to see through you, to the very core of your being. Just like your own. You had never found anyone that looked like you before. Somehow, you were not alone anymore.

For a moment, you stood frozen, uncertain how to greet him, this man who was both a stranger and your closest kin. But then he smiled, a smile that was warm and reassuring, and something in you eased.

"You’ve grown, little sister." Satoru said, his voice gentle, as though he feared to startle you. "I was worried I wouldn't recognize you. But I suppose….I suppose it would be normal, wouldn’t it? You and I have been apart long before you were born, little one.”

You found your voice, though it came out softer than you intended. "Brother…"

The word felt foreign on your tongue, a title you had never before spoken, but it also felt right, like a missing piece sliding into place. Satoru stepped closer, reaching out to place a hand on your shoulder. His touch was firm, but not unkind. 

"You will come and live with me now, hm?" he told you, his tone leaving no room for argument, but there was no harshness in it. Only certainty. “You will not be apart from me again.”

You nodded, the weight of your new reality settling over you. The life you had known, the only life you remembered, was ending. But this was your brother—your family—and though you did not know him, you knew that you owed him your loyalty, your respect.

"Yes, brother." you replied, lowering your gaze in deference.

Satoru squeezed your shoulder, his smile widening just a fraction. "Good. There’s much for us to do, but we’ll manage together, little sister.”

He turned, signaling to the men who had accompanied him, and they began to prepare for the journey. You looked back at the temple, at the nuns who had raised you, their faces serene yet tinged with sadness. They had known this day would come, had prepared you for it, but it was still a farewell, a parting of ways.

As you followed your brother, leaving the temple behind, you felt the weight of the future pressing upon you. You were no longer just the orphaned daughter raised by nuns. You were the sister of Gojo Satoru,  a daughter of the Gojo clan and that meant something in this world torn apart by war. 

And as you walked beside him, his presence a shield against the unknown, you felt a glimmer of hope that perhaps, in time, you would come to know this brother who had claimed you from the shadows of the temple.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

IT WAS A WHOLE NEW WORLD FOR YOU. But perhaps it was because you had not grown into the life that your brother had been consumed by for years. Yet you were not going to be left behind, that was a promise you made to yourself. You were going to catch up and serve your brother, as destiny had intended for you. 

It hadn’t taken long for you to prove your worth in the world your brother had thrust you into. From the moment you had joined Satoru's side, your intelligence shone like a beacon, drawing the attention of those who served him.

You were quick to grasp the intricacies of strategy, the delicate balance of politics, and the subtle art of diplomacy. Satoru, ever perceptive, saw in you the sharp mind that had been honed within the quiet confines of the temple, and he wasted no time in bringing you into his fold.

He did so without hesitation, without shame, despite the murmurs of discontent that rippled through his ranks. You were a woman in a man’s world, but Gojo Satoru was unbothered by such conventions. What mattered was that you were like him, a Gojo. And as such, you had the same power too. Perhaps it was why he trusted you more than anyone, and he made that trust clear by placing you at his side, seeking your counsel in matters great and small.

And so you sat with him, advising him openly in front of his men, your voice carrying the weight of his trust. You spoke with confidence, your mind as sharp as any blade, and Satoru listened, often nodding in agreement before issuing commands that bore your influence. It was a sight that unsettled some of his warriors—men hardened by battle, who found it difficult to reconcile the image of their fierce leader relying on the wisdom of a woman. 

But Satoru was adamant. “She is my sister, and I trust her above all.” he would say, and that was that. His word was law, and most of the men knew better than to question him. “Do not make light of my sister. A Gojo is a Gojo, regardless of sex. Do not dishonor me with your pitiful pride.”

However, the day came when your brother had to leave, called away by urgent matters elsewhere in the battlefield. He left you to lead his council in his absence, placing upon your shoulders a great responsibility. “They will listen to you, sister.” he assured you before he departed. “And if they don’t, remind them who you are.”

For a time, it seemed Satoru’s confidence in you was well-placed. You led the council with the same decisiveness and intelligence that had earned you your brother’s trust. Yet, despite your best efforts, there were those who could not look past your gender, who saw your presence at the head of the council as an affront to their honor.

The murmurs of discontent grew louder, the defiance more overt. They spoke over you, dismissed your ideas, and questioned your authority at every turn. It was subtle at first, but it quickly escalated into open disrespect. The council chamber, once a place where your voice had carried weight, became a battleground for your credibility.

You stood your ground, unyielding, but it became clear that your authority was being eroded with every passing day. The men who defied you believed that without your brother’s immediate presence, you could be undermined, your power stripped away.

It was during one of these tense council meetings, as the murmurs of dissent reached a fever pitch, that Geto Suguru intervened. Suguru, your brother’s general and most trusted right hand, had watched the unfolding situation with a quiet intensity.

He had always been a man of few words, but when he spoke, his voice commanded attention. That day, as you stood before a council of men who dared to challenge your authority, Suguru rose from his place, his expression one of stern resolve.

“Enough.”

The single word silenced the room, the weight of his presence alone enough to command respect. He stepped forward, his gaze sweeping across the gathered men, who now shifted uncomfortably under his scrutiny.

“This woman,” Suguru began, his voice calm but edged with steel, “is not just anyone. She is Gojo Satoru’s only sister, and she speaks with his voice. Any defiance of her is a defiance of Satoru himself. And if there is a man among you who believes he can dishonor her without consequence, then he dishonors Gojo Satoru. Such a man should commit seppuku to preserve Satoru’s goodwill with him.”

The room fell into a heavy silence, the implications of Suguru’s words settling over the men like a shroud. You could see the way their expressions shifted, the bravado draining from their faces as the gravity of the situation became clear. To defy you now was not just to defy a woman—it was to defy the very man they served, the man who had led them through countless battles and brought them victories beyond measure.

Suguru’s eyes bore into each of them, leaving no room for doubt. “If there are any among you who wish to test this, step forward now.”

No one moved. The silence stretched on, thick with unspoken tension. Finally, one by one, the men lowered their heads, offering the respect they had withheld before. Suguru’s gaze softened as he turned to you, a subtle nod of reassurance in his eyes. You returned the nod, grateful for his intervention, knowing that his words had restored your authority where it had been threatened.

From that day forward, the council meetings proceeded with the respect you had earned, the respect that Suguru had demanded on your behalf. The men no longer questioned your place at the head of the table, for they knew that to do so was to challenge not just you, but Satoru himself.

And in those moments, as you continued to lead in your brother’s stead, you felt the strength of your bond with him, a bond forged not just by blood, but by the unwavering trust that had brought you to this place of power.

As the council meeting came to an end, the tension that had filled the chamber slowly dissipated. The men dispersed, their heads bowed in respect, a far cry from the defiance they had shown earlier. You remained seated, your hands resting on the table, the weight of the day’s events heavy on your shoulders.

Geto Suguru lingered behind, his presence a comforting anchor amidst the sea of uncertainty. He approached you quietly, his movements deliberate and calm, and as he drew closer, you found yourself exhaling a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding.

“Thank you, my lord.” you said softly, turning to face him. The gratitude in your voice was unmistakable. “Your words... they meant a great deal to me, my lord. I don’t know what I would have done without your support.”

Suguru met your gaze, his expression warm yet composed. “There’s no need to thank me, my lady.” he replied, his tone sincere. “What I did was nothing more than what was necessary. You are Satoru’s sister, and he is like a brother to me. By extension, you are family to me as well. I would do anything for the both of you.”

His words, so simply spoken yet filled with such conviction, touched something deep within you. The bond between Suguru and your brother was well known, but hearing him extend that sense of loyalty and kinship to you was both comforting and humbling. You had not had a true family before. The nuns were kind to you and treated you well. But they were not family. They never will be. BUt maybe, just maybe — Satoru and Suguru could be what family means to you. 

“Family…” you echoed, a small smile forming on your lips. “It’s strange to think how quickly that word has come to mean something so new and important in my life.”

Suguru nodded, his eyes holding a gentle understanding. “It’s a powerful thing, family. It binds us in ways that go beyond blood. And now, you’re part of that bond, just as much as anyone else.”

You looked at him, feeling a warmth spread through your chest at his words. For a moment, there was a comfortable silence between you, the kind that only existed when words had already said enough.

A thought crossed your mind, and you spoke before you could second-guess yourself. “Suguru… would you like to share dinner with me before you leave?”

The invitation was simple, but it carried a significance that you hoped he would understand. In this world of shifting alliances and uncertain loyalties, there was something to be said for breaking bread together, for sharing a moment of peace in the midst of so much chaos.

Suguru’s smile widened just a fraction, a rare softness in his usually stoic demeanor. “I would like that very much, my lady.”

The two of you made your way to the dining hall, where a modest meal had been prepared. The setting was humble, far removed from the grand feasts that often accompanied council gatherings, but it was welcoming in its simplicity. The table was set with warm rice, grilled fish, and a selection of seasonal vegetables, along with a pot of fragrant tea.

You took your seats across from each other, and as the first course was served, the tension of the day seemed to melt away. The conversation flowed easily, a mix of light banter and deeper reflection. Suguru spoke of the campaigns he and Satoru had led, the victories and the losses, and you shared your experiences of life in the temple, the wisdom imparted to you by the nuns who had raised you.

As the evening wore on, you found yourself laughing at a story Suguru told about Satoru—how your brother, for all his prowess on the battlefield, had an unfortunate habit of getting lost in the most mundane of places. The image of the great warrior wandering aimlessly in a village square, confused and exasperated, was enough to bring tears of mirth to your eyes.

Suguru chuckled, his own laughter low and warm. “He’d kill me if he knew I told you that, my lady.” he said, shaking his head. “But it’s true. Satoru may be brilliant, but even he has his moments.”

“I’ll keep your secret, my lord.” you promised, still smiling. “It’s good to know he’s human, after all.”

Suguru’s gaze softened, and for a moment, he simply looked at you, his expression thoughtful. “You’re a lot like him, you know?” he said quietly. “Not just in the way you think, but in the way you carry yourself. Satoru may not say it often, but I know he’s proud of you. You’ve come into this world with such strength and grace. It’s no wonder he trusts you so completely.”

His words struck a chord within you, and you felt a swell of emotion that you hadn’t expected. To be compared to your brother, to hear that he was proud of you… it meant more than you could put into words.

“Thank you, my lord Suguru.” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “That means a great deal to me.”

He nodded, and the two of you fell into a companionable silence, content to simply enjoy each other’s presence. The meal continued, and as the last of the dishes were cleared away, you felt a sense of calm settle over you—a feeling that, despite the challenges you faced, you were not alone.

When the evening finally drew to a close, Suguru stood, bowing his head slightly in a gesture of respect. “I should be on my way, my lady.” he said, though there was no rush in his voice. “But I want you to know, if you ever need anything, you can always call on me.”

“I will.” you replied, rising to see him off. “And thank you again, my lord Suguru. For everything.”

He smiled, a small, genuine smile that seemed to light up his features. “Take care, my lady. And remember—family sticks together.”

With that, he turned and made his way out into the night, leaving you with a sense of warmth and a newfound understanding of the ties that bound you to those around you. And you think to yourself that you wanted it to last for the rest of your lives.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

YOU THINK SATORU HAD LEFT SUGURU FOR YOU TO HAVE A FRIEND. Many days and weeks pushed on, but Geto Suguru made it a point to stay by your side.You think that Satoru was smart with such a thing, keeping his trusted sister and friend together. So far, it had worked like a wonder, keeping all the men in line. 

And Suguru had been gallant, in trying to appear for each and every session of the council. He knew all too well that in a world dominated by men, your authority could easily be questioned in Satoru’s absence, and he wasn’t about to let that happen.

With Suguru’s steady presence, the council meetings continued to run smoothly, the men now fully aware that any disrespect towards you would not be tolerated. His mere presence was enough to quell any lingering doubts or challenges, and in time, the council began to accept your leadership with the same respect they afforded Satoru. 

But it wasn’t just in the council chambers where Suguru’s support made a difference. Beyond the formalities of the politicking in the clan hierarchy, Geto Suguru became your intellectual companion, someone with whom you could share ideas freely. He did not once mock you for your interest in many things, in fact — he encouraged it, with every meeting, with every conversation, he indulged your wants.

The two of you spent countless hours long after council was over, engrossed in discussions that ranged from the teachings of the Buddha to the intricacies of clan politics.

Suguru had a way of making even the most complex topics seem approachable, and you relished every moment spent with him, whether it was delving into the nuances of the emperor’s court, debating the merits of various poems, or considering new ideas for education reform. His intellect challenged you, and you found yourself growing in ways you hadn’t expected.

One evening, as the council hall emptied and the candles flickered in the growing darkness, you lingered in your seat, knowing that Suguru would join you soon. When he did, he settled beside you with a thoughtful expression, his eyes filled with the calm intensity that had become so familiar to you.

"You’ve been quiet today." he remarked, his voice low and steady. "Is something on your mind?"

You glanced at him, feeling the weight of your thoughts but unsure how to express them. "I’ve been thinking about the future," you admitted. "About what happens after the war… after everything settles."

Suguru nodded, understanding your unspoken concerns. "It’s natural to wonder. But the future is not something we can control, only prepare for. And you’ve done more than anyone to prepare our clan for what’s to come."

His words were reassuring, but they didn’t dispel the unease that had settled in your heart. "I just… sometimes I wonder if all these preparations, all these plans, will truly lead to peace. Or if we’re simply paving the way for another conflict."

Suguru considered your words for a moment before replying. "Peace is always fragile. It requires constant vigilance and wisdom. But I believe that with the right leadership—your brother, and perhaps even you—peace can be more than just a fleeting moment. It can be a legacy."

His faith in you was unwavering, and it touched you deeply. "I hope you’re right," you said softly, your gaze dropping to the parchment on the table before you. "But sometimes, I feel like I’m just grasping at straws, trying to make sense of a world that’s constantly changing."

Suguru reached out, gently lifting your chin so that your eyes met his. "You’re doing more than that. You’re shaping that world, guiding it towards something better. And you’re not alone in this. I’m here, and I’ll continue to be here, to support you in any way I can."

His words sent a warmth through you, one that made your heart ache in the most bittersweet way. "Thank you, Suguru," you whispered. "For everything."

A small smile curved his lips, and he withdrew his hand, though his presence remained as steady as ever. "There’s nothing to thank me for. This is what I want to do, for you and for Satoru."

As the night deepened, your conversations continued, flowing from one topic to another with ease. And when Suguru was away, he would always write to you, his letters filled with the same thoughtful insights and challenges. Each letter pushed your boundaries, urging you to think more deeply, to see the world through different lenses.

One day, as you read through one of his letters, you found a passage that made you pause:

"The world is vast, and our understanding of it is limited by the walls we build around ourselves. But if we can break down those walls, if we can push beyond what we think we know, then perhaps we can find something truly extraordinary. It is you whose intelligence I hold dearest and in truth, the person who can do things that would change the world.”

You traced the words with your fingers, feeling the weight of them settle in your chest. Suguru’s challenges were never just intellectual exercises; they were a call to action, a reminder that the world was still full of possibilities, and that you had the power to shape it.

And so, you wrote back, your reply filled with your own questions, your own thoughts, eager to see how he would respond. The correspondence between you became a lifeline, a connection that sustained you both through the trials and tribulations of the war.

Suguru had always been a thoughtful man, deeply reflective and wise beyond his years. His understanding of the world was shaped by both his experiences on the battlefield and his deep respect for philosophical teachings. You found his insights fascinating, often finding yourself lost in the depth of your conversations, which ranged from the practical to the profound.

During those moments, Suguru couldn’t help but notice the way your eyes lit up when you spoke of something you were passionate about, the gentle curve of your smile when you made a point that resonated with him. He had always thought you were beautiful—anyone could see that—but it was your tenacity, your intelligence, and your gentleness that truly captivated him. 

You were unlike anyone he had ever met. In you, he saw a rare combination of strength and compassion, a mind that was as sharp as any blade and a heart that was kind and forgiving.

The way you navigated the complexities of your new life, balancing the demands of leadership with the grace and wisdom you had learned at the temple, left him in awe.

Yet, despite the growing admiration he felt for you, Suguru kept those feelings buried deep within. To him, you were someone beyond reach, not because of any external barriers but because of his own sense of unworthiness.

He was a warrior, a man forged in battle and bloodshed, while you were a beacon of light, someone who had been touched by the serenity of the Buddha’s teachings. In his mind, the distance between who you were and who he was could never be bridged.

There were moments when he caught himself lost in thought, watching you as you spoke with that quiet authority, your words shaping the course of decisions that would impact the lives of many.

In those moments, a part of him longed to reach out, to tell you how much he admired you, how much he cared. But he never did. He couldn’t. To him, you deserved someone who was your equal, someone who could match your intellect and your spirit in ways he believed he could never hope to.

So, he stayed by your side, offering his loyalty and his companionship, content to be whatever you needed him to be. He ensured that no one dared to disrespect you, not just because of his loyalty to your brother, but because of the deep respect he had for you as an individual. He became a constant presence in your life, a steady rock in a world that often seemed to shift beneath your feet.

And while you might have seen him as a trusted ally and friend, for Suguru, every moment spent in your company was a reminder of what he could never allow himself to hope for.

You were, in his eyes, someone too precious, too good for a man like him. And so he kept his feelings hidden, choosing instead to honor you in the only way he knew how—by standing by your side, protecting you, and cherishing every conversation, every shared idea, every moment of quiet companionship.

In this way, Suguru made himself an indispensable part of your life, not realizing that his quiet devotion, his unwavering support, and the way he truly saw you for who you were had already made him far more worthy than he could ever imagine.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

YOU WERE GLAD TO KNOW THAT SATORU WAS COMING HOME. The day your brother, Satoru, returned from the front was filled with anticipation. The courtyard was alive with the excited murmurs of those gathered to welcome him home, the air thick with the scent of incense and the rustle of fine silks as the crowd shifted in expectation. Your heartbeat a little faster, not just from the prospect of seeing your brother again, but from the knowledge that he would be pleased with the work you had done in his absence.

As Satoru arrived, tall and imposing in his armor, the crowd parted to allow him passage. His white hair gleamed in the sunlight, and despite the long months of battle, his step was as sure and confident as ever. His gaze swept over the gathered people, but it was your face he sought first. When his eyes found yours, a smile broke across his face, and he quickened his pace to reach you.

Without hesitation, he pulled you into a warm embrace, his laughter rich with relief and pride. "Dearest sister!" he greeted, his voice filled with affection, "I’m home."

You returned his embrace, feeling a wave of emotion at having him back safely. “Welcome home, brother!” you replied, your voice steady, though your heart swelled with joy. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

He pulled back to look at you, his eyes searching yours. “Thank you,” he said earnestly, “for all your hard work on my behalf. I knew I could trust you to lead in my stead, and you’ve done more than I could have ever asked.”

The warmth in his words settled deep within you, a validation of all that you had done in his absence. “I did only what was necessary.” you replied, though the gratitude in your voice was clear.

Satoru turned then, his gaze shifting to Suguru, who stood a respectful distance away. The moment their eyes met, Satoru’s expression softened further, a familiar tenderness evident between the two men.

“Suguru!” Satoru called out, beckoning him forward.

Suguru approached, bowing his head in respect before speaking. “Welcome home, Satoru. I’m glad to see you returned safely.”

Satoru’s smile broadened, and he clasped Suguru’s shoulder in a gesture of deep friendship. “Thank you, Suguru, for being a confidant to my sister during this time. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to know she wasn’t alone.”

Suguru shook his head, his expression as composed as ever. “It is nothing but a great duty to fulfill for my vassal lord and friend,” he said, his tone formal and deferential.

But Satoru frowned at that, his grip on Suguru’s shoulder tightening slightly. “Don’t be so formal with me, Suguru,” he chided, though his tone was light. “You know better than that. You’re more than just a vassal. You’re my brother in arms, my friend. And you’ve done more for me and my sister than I could ever repay.”

Suguru’s gaze flickered with something unreadable, but he quickly schooled his expression. “I appreciate your words, Satoru.” he replied quietly. “But my duty calls me back to the front. I must return soon.”

Satoru’s frown deepened, and he shook his head, refusing to let go of Suguru’s shoulder. “No, I won’t hear of it!” he insisted. “You’ve been at the front longer than anyone. You need rest, and I won’t have you running off the moment you’ve set foot here. Stay as long as you can. That’s an order.”

Suguru hesitated, clearly torn between his sense of duty and his loyalty to Satoru. But seeing the determination in your brother’s eyes, he finally nodded. “If that is your order, Satoru, then I will stay.”

“Good.” Satoru said, his tone firm but kind. “That’s settled then. You’ll stay here with us, and you’ll take the time you need to rest and recover. The front will still be there when you’re ready to return.”

As Suguru accepted the command, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. Having Suguru stay, even for a little longer, was something you hadn’t realized you’d wanted until now. He had become an important part of your life in your brother’s absence, and the thought of him leaving so soon after Satoru’s return had left you with an unexpected emptiness.

Satoru, ever perceptive, caught the fleeting look on your face and smiled knowingly. “You see, sister?” he said, turning to you. “I’ve managed to keep our dear Suguru here for a little longer. We all need him here, not just on the battlefield.”

You smiled, grateful for Satoru’s understanding, and nodded. “Yes, we do. Thank you, brother.”

With the matter settled, the three of you made your way into the inner chambers, where preparations had been made for a private celebration of Satoru’s return. The atmosphere was light, filled with laughter and the shared relief of being together once more. As you sat together, the bonds of family and friendship felt stronger than ever, and for that moment, the weight of the world outside seemed to fade away.

As the weeks passed, you found yourself spending more and more time with Suguru. The bond between you deepened, the trust and respect that had grown in your brother's absence now blossoming into something more complex, something that you couldn’t quite name but felt deeply. Suguru was older, wiser, and had seen so much more of the world than you had, but there was a connection between you that transcended those differences. Slowly but surely, you realized that you were becoming enthralled by your feelings for him.

Despite the age difference, despite his steadfast focus on his career and his role as your brother’s most trusted general, you couldn’t help the way your heart quickened when you were near him. Suguru, ever the composed and duty-bound man, never gave any indication that he was aware of your feelings. He was kind, respectful, and treated you as an equal in your discussions, but there was always a certain distance, a formality that he maintained, even in the quiet moments you shared.

One evening, after the council had ended and the palace had settled into the calm of the night, you found yourself wandering through the lily gardens with Suguru. The moon was full, casting a soft, silvery light over the still waters of the pond and the delicate white lilies that floated on its surface.

The air was cool, a gentle breeze stirring the leaves of the nearby trees. It was a serene, almost otherworldly setting, perfect for the conversations you often found yourselves having under the cover of darkness.

As you walked side by side, your footsteps soft on the stone path, you spoke of the future. Of what might come after the war, when the battles were over, and the land was finally at peace. You talked of the things you wanted to do—small, simple things like traveling to the nearby villages, visiting the temples you had only heard of in stories, and seeing the world beyond the palace walls.

Suguru listened, his expression thoughtful as always, but there was a trace of something in his eyes that made your heart ache—a longing that mirrored your own, though he would never voice it.

But tonight, there was something more pressing on your mind, something that had been weighing on you ever since your brother had returned from the front. After a pause in your conversation, you gathered your courage and spoke, your voice soft yet firm. “Suguru… Satoru has begun to find a husband for me.”

Suguru stopped walking, turning to face you. His expression didn’t change, but you saw the subtle tension in his posture, the way his hands clenched slightly at his sides. “It’s what’s best, my lady.” he replied after a moment, his tone carefully neutral. “A marriage to form alliances would strengthen your brother’s position and secure your future.”

You shook your head, the words catching in your throat. “I don’t see it that way,” you admitted, your voice trembling with the emotions you could no longer contain. “Because… I’ve fallen in love with you, Suguru.”

For a moment, there was silence. The world around you seemed to still, the only sound the gentle rustling of the lilies in the breeze. Suguru’s expression didn’t change, but there was a flicker of something in his eyes—surprise, perhaps, or maybe something deeper, something he had kept hidden for a long time.

“You shouldn’t love me.” he finally said, his voice low, almost pained. “It’s unequal. I would taint your name, your reputation. You’re much younger than me, and you deserve someone who can offer you the future you deserve. I can’t… I’m not looking to marry, not now. I have my duties, my career—”

“I don’t care about any of that.” you interrupted, your voice firmer now, driven by the strength of your feelings. “I don’t care about reputation or duty. I only care about you, about what we could have together. I want you to be with me, Suguru. Not as my brother’s general, but as the man I love.”

Suguru looked at you then, really looked at you, as if seeing you for the first time. There was a deep conflict in his eyes, a battle between his sense of duty and the emotions he had tried so hard to suppress. He took a step closer, and for a moment, you thought he might reach out to you, might take your hand or pull you into his arms. But he stopped himself, his hands curling into fists at his sides.

“I’m not worthy of you, my lady.” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m just a soldier, a man who has done terrible things in the name of duty. You deserve someone who can give you the life you’ve dreamed of, someone who can stand beside you in the light, not someone who is forever tainted by the darkness of war.”

Your heart ached at his words, at the pain you could hear beneath them. But you refused to accept them. “I don’t want someone else.” you said, taking a step closer to him, closing the distance between you. “I want you, Suguru. I don’t care about the past or what you think you deserve. I know who you are, and I love you for it. Please… don’t push me away.”

Suguru’s resolve seemed to falter then, his purple eyes closing as if trying to block out the reality of your words. He was silent for a long moment, the only sound the distant chirping of crickets and the soft rustle of the wind in the trees. When he finally spoke, his voice was raw with emotion. “I don’t want to hurt you, my lady.” he said, opening his eyes to meet yours. “But I’m afraid I already have.”

You shook your head, tears gathering in your eyes. “You haven’t, my lord.” you insisted. “But you will if you walk away from me now.”

Suguru looked at you, his expression filled with a sorrow that you hadn’t seen before. He took a deep breath, and when he spoke again, his voice was softer, resigned. “If I stay, if I allow myself to feel this way about you, it won’t be easy. There will be challenges, people who will try to tear us apart. Your brother might not even approve…”

“I don’t care, my lord….Suguru.” you said, stepping even closer, so that you were only a breath away from him. “I’ll face whatever comes if it means being with you.”

Suguru looked at you for a long moment, his purple eyes searching for yours, as if trying to find the strength to say what he needed to say. Finally, he reached out, his hand gently cupping your cheek. His touch was hesitant, as if he was afraid to break you, but you leaned into it, closing your eyes as you felt the warmth of his skin against yours.

“I wish I could be the man you deserve.” he murmured, his voice filled with a quiet despair. “But if you’re willing to take this risk, then I won’t let you face it alone.”

You opened your eyes, looking up at him with a mix of relief and determination. “I am willing, Suguru.” you said softly, your heart full of the love you had for him. “As long as you’re by my side.”

Suguru nodded, his thumb brushing gently against your cheek. “Then I’ll stay, for you.” he said, his voice firm with resolve. “And I’ll do everything I can to protect you, to make this work… even if it means defying everything I thought I knew.”

With those words, you knew that the bond between you had changed, deepened in ways that neither of you could have anticipated. The future was uncertain, the challenges ahead daunting, but for now, in the quiet of the lily garden under the moonlit sky, you had each other. And that, you knew, was more than enough.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

THE MORE YOU WERE TOGETHER, THE MORE YOU FELL FOR HIM. And along with the flow of time, the boundaries between you blurred until they disappeared entirely. What began as stolen moments in the lily gardens turned into lingering touches, soft words whispered in the dark, and eventually, the first tentative kiss. That kiss led to another, and then another, until you both could no longer deny the passion that had ignited between you.

Geto Suguru, ever the restrained and disciplined man, tried to keep his distance, to maintain the boundaries that he believed were necessary. But you could see the way he struggled, the way his resolve weakened whenever you were near. And you, in turn, found yourself growing more insatiable for him, drawn to his quiet strength, his intellect, and the gentleness that he showed only to you.

It wasn’t long before your relationship became intimate. The nights you spent together were filled with whispered confessions, tender caresses, and the kind of closeness that left you breathless, yearning for more. Each touch, each shared moment, only deepened the bond between you, until it became something undeniable, something that you couldn’t hide, even if you tried.

Suguru’s movements were rhythmic and deliberate, each thrust a testament to the intensity of his feelings. Your body responded instinctively, shivering under the persistent wave of pleasure that seemed to emanate from every part of him. The connection between you both was palpable, a perfect union of touch and desire that left you breathless and yearning.

As he pressed closer, the heat between you became almost unbearable. You could feel every inch of him, his length moving with a purposeful glide that seemed to match the cadence of your own heartbeats. His focus was unwavering, his gaze locked onto your expressions of bliss, as if he were memorizing each fleeting moment of your shared ecstasy.

Suguru’s lips were gentle yet insistent, trailing a path of fiery kisses along your skin. He started at your jawline, moving down to your neck, where his kisses became more fervent, brushing against the sensitive spots that made you moan uncontrollably. His touch was a mix of tenderness and passion, each kiss a silent declaration of his love.

The way his lips traveled over your shoulder blades and collarbone, down to your breasts, was both reverent and adoring. He seemed to savor every inch of you, each kiss a testament to his longing and his desire to make you feel cherished and adored. His breathing grew ragged, his desire for you as evident as the ardent affection in his kisses.

Suguru’s love was consuming, a powerful force that seemed to envelope you both in a cocoon of heat and intimacy. His movements were a dance of devotion, each motion and kiss an expression of his deep-seated love. He wanted to give you everything, to love you with a passion that knew no bounds, until either of you could bear the intensity any longer.

Suguru’s senses were overwhelmed by the intense heat enveloping him. Each time he pulled back, he felt the burning warmth of your inner flesh clinging to him, a tantalizing reminder of the connection you shared. The contrast between the cool air and the searing heat of your body created a heightened sense of urgency, making every moment even more electric.

He withdrew momentarily, the emptiness only intensifying his need to be reunited with you. His breath came in ragged bursts, a mixture of frustration and desire fueling his movements. When he finally pressed back into you, it was with a force that spoke of his longing and the sheer intensity of his passion.

Suguru’s hands gripped your hips firmly, guiding and angling them to better meet his thrusts. His movements were decisive and powerful, each push and pull a testament to his deep-seated desire. The rhythm he established was relentless, his member driving into you with a raw, unrestrained energy. Every thrust was accompanied by a shudder of pleasure, both from him and you, as the heat between you built to a fervent crescendo.

His focus was entirely on you, the way your body responded to him, the way you felt around him. The sound of your moans and the look of sheer pleasure on your face drove him to new heights, his need to be with you, to feel this connection, only growing stronger with each passing second.

But as much as you tried to keep your relationship a secret from your brother, it wasn’t long before the truth could no longer be hidden. The realization came with a sudden, undeniable clarity: you were pregnant. 

The days following that intense night were filled with a mix of excitement and anticipation. As you navigated through your routine, you began to notice subtle changes in your body. What started as a vague sense of nausea and fatigue soon became more pronounced, prompting you to a conclusion.

The morning understood what was going on, a whirlwind of emotions took over you. You stared at yourself and then your belly, your heart pounding in your chest. Fear and excitement warred within you as you grappled with the reality of your situation.

You were carrying Suguru’s child, a life born from the love that you shared, but also a secret that could change everything. You knew that your brother, Satoru, would not take the news lightly. He had always been protective of you, and this… this would be seen as a betrayal.

The day your brother discovered the truth was etched into your memory with vivid, painful clarity. You had dreaded this moment, knowing that the inevitable confrontation would come, but nothing could have fully prepared you for the storm that followed.

The atmosphere was thick with tension as you stood in the living room, your heart racing. Satoru stormed in, his eyes blazing with a mix of fury and hurt that made your stomach churn. His usually calm demeanor was shattered, replaced by an intensity that you had never seen before. He had sensed something was wrong for weeks, and the truth had hit him like a sledgehammer.

“Who is he?” Satoru’s voice was a harsh whisper, laced with a barely contained rage. His eyes locked onto you, his gaze piercing through you as if trying to unravel the truth hidden within your silence.

"Brother, please...."

“Who’s the father?” His demand echoed through the room, each word sharp and accusatory, slicing through the fragile veneer of your composure.

The weight of his anger was suffocating. You stood there, feeling small and vulnerable, your hands trembling at your sides. The emotional turmoil inside you was overwhelming, a tangled mess of guilt, fear, and sorrow. You wanted to explain, to find the right words to make him understand, but the sheer intensity of the moment left you paralyzed.

Suguru, who had been silently supporting you, stepped forward, his own face a mask of regret and determination. He had been waiting for this confrontation, knowing that it was his responsibility to face the consequences of their actions. With a deep breath, he took the weight of the situation onto his shoulders. 

“Satoru,” he began, his voice steady but tinged with a sorrowful undertone, “I’m the father.”

The revelation hung in the air, heavy and oppressive. Satoru’s expression shifted from anger to disbelief, and then to a deeper pain that seemed to cut through his very core. The anger that had once burned so fiercely now gave way to a profound sense of betrayal and heartbreak. His eyes, usually so full of warmth and understanding, were now clouded with tears that he fought to hold back.

Suguru’s admission was met with a silence that was almost unbearable. The tension in the room was palpable, each of you waiting for the other to break the silence. You could see the struggle in Satoru’s face as he tried to process the reality of the situation, the hurt and confusion evident in every line of his expression.

“I never thought...” Satoru’s voice faltered, his anger giving way to a raw, aching sadness. He looked between you and Suguru, his emotions a turbulent sea of conflicting feelings. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why keep this from me?”

Suguru’s gaze was steady, but his heart was breaking as he met Satoru’s eyes. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Satoru.” he said softly. “But I know that’s no excuse. I’m sorry.”

“You do not have to worry.” Suguru said, his voice steady despite the tension in the air. He met Satoru’s gaze head-on, not flinching even as the anger in your brother’s eyes intensified. “It was not planned….But I take full responsibility, Satoru. Please.”

Satoru’s reaction was immediate and explosive. “You’re supposed to be my most trusted general, my friend, and you… you’ve done this? With my sister? And you didn’t marry her?”

Suguru’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t back down. “I never intended to disrespect you or your family. I care for her deeply, and I will do what is right.”

The words only seemed to fuel Satoru’s rage. “You should have done what was right from the start! How could you let this happen, Suguru? How could you—”

“I didn’t need to marry him.” you interrupted, your voice shaking as you tried to step between them, to defuse the situation before it spiraled out of control. “I love him, Satoru. We love each other, and I don’t need a marriage to prove that.”

But your words only seemed to make things worse. Satoru turned to you, his expression a mix of frustration and disbelief. “You don’t understand what this means, how it looks. If you’re with child and not married, it could ruin everything. Our alliances, our reputation—everything we’ve fought for…..”

Suguru placed a hand on your shoulder, his touch grounding you even as the storm of emotions swirled around you. “I will marry her, Satoru.” he said firmly, his voice calm but resolute. “You don’t have to worry about shame. We will marry and no one will know.”

Satoru stared at Suguru for a long moment, his chest rising and falling with the force of his emotions. It was clear that he was torn, caught between his duty to his family and his loyalty to Suguru. Finally, he let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair.

“I have no other choice about this.” he said, his voice heavy with resignation. “If you’re going to marry her, then you need to do it soon. We’ll make the arrangements, and you’ll stand before everyone and make this right.”

Suguru nodded, his grip on your shoulder tightening slightly as if to reassure you. “I will. You have my word.”

You looked up at Suguru, your heart full of a mixture of love, relief, and anxiety for what lay ahead. This wasn’t how you had imagined things would unfold, but you knew that as long as you had him by your side, you could face whatever challenges came your way. And so, with a heavy but hopeful heart, you took a deep breath and prepared to face the future together.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

YOU NEVER EXPECTED ALL OF THIS, BUT LIFE IS STRANGE. And perhaps you were now more resigned to it than ever before. The day of your wedding to Suguru was both solemn and beautiful, a ceremony that cemented not only your love but also your shared commitment to the future.

Despite the circumstances that led to it, the vows you exchanged were heartfelt, and as you stood beside him, you felt a deep sense of belonging, knowing that no matter what challenges lay ahead, you would face them together.

Suguru remained by your side through the remainder of your pregnancy, refusing to leave even as the war called to him. He was there for every moment, every kick, and every anxious night as you awaited the arrival of your children. When the day finally came, and you bore twin daughters, his joy was immeasurable. He held you close, kissed your forehead, and whispered his gratitude for the family you had given him.

The day Suguru had to return to the battlefield was a poignant reminder of the harsh realities that overshadowed your time together. As the sun began to set, casting long shadows across the room, the reality of his departure loomed heavily over both of you. The weight of impending separation was unbearable, each moment stretching painfully as the hour of his departure drew nearer.

You found yourself clinging to him, your grip firm yet trembling, as tears streamed down your cheeks. Every part of you ached with the fear and sadness of watching him leave for another dangerous mission. His presence had become your sanctuary, and the thought of him stepping back into the chaos of war was almost too much to bear. Your sobs were muffled against his chest, the fabric of his uniform a stark reminder of the danger he faced.

Suguru’s hands were gentle as he reached up to wipe away your tears. His touch was tender, yet firm, as if he were trying to transfer some of his strength to you. His own eyes were filled with a sorrowful resolve, the weight of the duty he was about to undertake clear in every line of his face. Despite his bravery and determination, it was evident that leaving you behind was a painful sacrifice.

As he held you, his gaze shifted to the cot where your daughters, Mimiko and Nanako, slept peacefully. Their innocent faces were serene, their small bodies rising and falling with the rhythm of sleep. Suguru’s heart ached at the sight of them, his love for them and the desire to protect them a palpable force. His eyes lingered on them, a silent vow passing between him and their slumbering forms—a promise to return safely, to be there for them and you.

"I don’t want to leave you." he murmured, his voice thick with emotion as he held you close, feeling the warmth of your daughters swaddled in his arms. “All three of you.”

"I know that." you whispered back, your voice breaking. "But you must. For Satoru, for our peace… But promise me, Suguru, that you'll take care of my brother. Bring him back to us. And…And come back to us too. Please."

"I promise, my love." he vowed, his voice steady despite the turmoil inside him. "I will protect him with my life, just as I will protect our family. I will come back to you, I swear."

The parting was an agonizing ordeal, each moment stretching into an eternity as you watched Suguru ride away. With your daughters, Mimiko and Nanako, nestled in your arms, you felt the weight of the world press heavily upon your heart. The sight of him disappearing into the distance, framed by the setting sun, was a poignant reminder of the uncertainty that lay ahead. As the last glimpse of him vanished, you could only hold your children tighter, whispering prayers for his safety and for a swift end to the unrelenting war.

Days turned into months, and months into years, each passing moment a relentless reminder of the ongoing conflict. The once-familiar rhythm of life had been disrupted, replaced by an enduring wait for peace. The world outside was fraught with turmoil, but within the sanctuary of the temple where your journey with Suguru had begun, you found a semblance of tranquility.

Returning to the temple was a return to roots, a place of peace amidst the chaos of the world. It was where you had first found solace and a sense of purpose alongside Suguru, and now it became a refuge for you and your daughters. The temple's serene environment provided a safe haven where you could nurture them, shielding them from the harsh realities of the outside world. 

Every corner of the temple held echoes of the past—memories of quiet moments shared with Suguru, of dreams and plans woven together in the tranquil surroundings. It was a place that had once symbolized new beginnings, and now it served as a testament to endurance and hope.

As you raised your daughters in this sanctuary, you immersed yourself in the rhythms of temple life, finding comfort in its routines and in the community that embraced you. You taught them the values and lessons that had been so important to you and Suguru, hoping to instill in them the same strength and resilience that had guided you through these challenging years.

The temple, with its tranquil gardens and reverent halls, became a living monument to your waiting, a symbol of the enduring love that bound you to Suguru. Every day was a step closer to the dream of seeing the land united and your husband safely returned to you. Until that day came, you held onto the hope that peace would prevail and that your family would be whole once more.

In the stillness of the temple, surrounded by the quiet hum of prayer and the gentle presence of your daughters, you found a sense of purpose and patience. Your love for Suguru remained a guiding light, illuminating the path through the darkness of uncertainty and keeping the promise of reunion alive in your heart.

Years passed, and news of the Gojo clan's victory spread across the land and peace was finally achieved. The land was finally unified, and the long years of war had come to an end. You clung to the hope that with this victory, Your Suguru would return to you, that the promise he made would finally be fulfilled.

And then, one day, as you stood at the steps of the temple, you saw him. Geto Suguru, looking weary yet strong, with the weight of years and battle etched into his features. He stood there, gazing at you with eyes full of longing and love, and you felt your heart leap in your chest.

Without hesitation, you ran to him, your daughters' voices calling after you, but you couldn’t stop. The world seemed to blur around you as you crossed the distance between you and the man you had been waiting for all these years. When you finally reached him, you threw yourself into his arms, holding him as tightly as you could, as if to make up for all the time you had spent apart.

"Welcome home, my love." you whispered, your voice thick with tears, your face buried in his chest. The scent of him, the feel of his arms around you, it was all so familiar, so comforting, that it felt like a dream.

Suguru held you close, his embrace fierce and full of the love he had carried with him through every battle, every hardship. "I’m home, my dear." he murmured into your hair, his voice choking with emotion. "I’m finally home."

Your daughters, now old enough to understand the significance of the moment, stood a little ways off, watching with wide eyes as their father returned to them. You turned to them, beckoning them forward, and they ran to join the embrace, their laughter and tears mingling with your own.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hello, I came to say that dragons are mythical creatures often depicted to be possessive in mythology and literature, sometimes known for their immense power, territorial instincts, and the symbolic association with hoarding wealth and treasures...

Twisted Wonderland in context, Malleus Draconia was confirmed to be a dragon fairy (essentially a dragon who can take a shape of a man), and I was curious if Malleus may have exhibited possessive traits in canon, whether through main story or vignette...?

The reason I ask that is because mischaracterizing characters or making them OOC is the last thing I want to do when it comes to writing or analyzing...

**Sorry if I was not able to word it in a way that you can understand what I'm trying to convey because sometimes I feel inferior that my wording may come off as blunt or insensitive. I just want to leave a brief note that I don't mean to come off as rude or dismissive. I appreciate your understanding!**

In my opinion, Malleus in canon is protective but not possessive. What do I mean by that? Glad you asked. Let's start by laying down some definitions.

In this situation, when I say “protective”, it implies good intentions. It means actively looking out for others' safety and wellbeing. To be possessive, on the other hand, implies a more controlling desire to own or to restrict another's actions. It’s commanding and demanding all of a person’s attention and love. It means having a disrespect for others' autonomy and instead trying to displace it with your will. (Yes, I know that you're probably automatically thinking of The Big Exception of book 7, but I will address that later in this post so hang on for a moment!)

This gets long, so buckle up! We’ve got a lot to talk about.

First thing's first, a lot of the "possessive Malleus" interpretations originate from fandom, especially when it comes to yandere, yume, or generally romantic fan works. (And to be clear: This is NOT to shame the folks who enjoy these kinds of works; I am only listing them here as examples.) Oftentimes this occurs due to individual fans bringing in ideas from media outside the bounds of Twisted Wonderland. This is totally expected and normal; there is no such thing as someone who has an interest in ONLY a singular thing. We will naturally apply our previous knowledge to help us understand and interpret new information.

For example, in irl mythology, fae are hurt by iron--and even in Disney's own films, such as Maleficent, iron is depicted as harming fae and sapping them of their power. This led to many Twst fans headcanoning that iron does the same thing to fae in Twisted Wonderland. However, we learn in book 7 that this is NOT true. Fae, particularly nobles, do find the smell of iron nauseating, but the metal does not appear to impede their powers or hinder them in any way. Lilia and his men are still able to dispatch several Silver Owls (who are dressed in iron arm and battle with iron tanks and other machinery) without issue.

Another example that’s pretty popular is fans believing that whole “if you tell a fairy your name, it grants them power over you” thing. Some have claimed this will come into play in book 7’s final battle. Others claim this is the deeper or secondary reason as to why Malleus doesn’t reveal his own name to Yuu until book 5, as giving his name would grant Yuu power over him. However, there’s nothing in-universe to suggest that names have cultural significance to fae or that any sort of power or status is granted by relinquishing one’s name. Yuu (or Malleus’s hundreds of other classmates) have also demonstrated no such control over him.

Remember: what is true outside of Twst, including in Disney's own works, is NOT necessarily true inside of Twst.

Going back to the initial question, I believe that "Malleus is possessive" is also a headcanon of a similar vein; fans are coming into Twst familiar with other mythos which state that dragons are possessive, territorial, and greedy on top of being powerful. Because Malleus is a dragon fae and is known to possess great power, it's very easy for fans to see the parallels between him and the dragons they already know of. This then leads to them filling in the gaps of his personality and projecting other stereotypical draconic traits onto him. In Malleus's case, this was extremely easy to do because it took a few years for him to see any significant spotlight in both event stories (Glorious Masquerade) and in the main story (book 7).

I think the easiest way for us to analyze whether Malleus is protective or possessive is to examine his closest relationships in the narrative of Twst. I will not be counting Sebek and Silver individually here, as they are both his bodyguards and Malleus maintains a mostly professional relationship with them. Instead, we shall look at Malleus's attitude by looking at his relationships with Lilia and Yuu, then proceed into discussing related behaviors.

I believe it's indisputable that Lilia is one of the most important people to Malleus. Lilia trained him, taught him, and trained him. He is basically Malleus's father figure. The fear of losing Lilia is what causes Malleus to emotionally spiral and take drastic measures in a desperate attempt to avoid that unhappy ending. His entire motivation for unleashing his UM is "not losing [Lilia]!" You would think that if Malleus was going to be possessive of anyone, it would be with Lilia. But the truth of the matter is... he's mostly just... not? Lilia is a very sociable person in the student body. He's frequently gaming with Idia, taking care of or lending wisdom to others (Silver, Sebek, etc.), hanging out with Cater and Kalim in their club, interacting with dorm leaders and freshmen when Malleus is absent for ceremonies, and more--yet Malleus doesn't seem to express any jealousy over sharing Lilia. I'd also like to add that although Malleus lacks parents, he doesn't really show envy over Lilia treating and calling Silver his own son instead of himself. Oh, Malleus certainly does express jealousy to some extent. Who would forget the time in his Dorm Uniform vignettes when he crushed Lilia's phone? The thing is though, the times when Malleus is upset are not fueled by not wanting to share Lilia or wanting to monopolize his time. In the previous example I cited, Malleus broke Lilia's phone because Lilia had received a picture Kalim and the other dorm leaders took after a meeting. Even the dialogue exchanged implies this; Malleus did not automatically get mad when he noticed that Lilia had a notification, he only got mad after realizing he was excluded from something the other dorm leaders were all involved in. Malleus was upset that he was not invited, not that Kalim was texting Lilia. Additionally, it is stated that the dorm leader must grant permission for others to use the lounge. If he wanted to, he could withhold the permission for Lilia, who wants the lounge for his farewell party (which everyone is invited to), or stipulate that he wants a more formal affair with just Diasomnia members present. Malleus doesn’t act in this possessive way though. He grants Lilia what he desires without issue.

Next up for scrutiny is Yuu! Now, there's some gray area here because part of Yuu's relationship with Malleus is defined by how much the player projects onto the self-insert/blank slate character. Please note that, when I discuss Yuu, I am leaving out individual interpretations and going STRICTLY by the information presenting in canon.

It can be said that Malleus slowly develops a fondness for Yuu's company over the course of the main story. At first, he is surprised and maybe even a little disappointed that someone has taken residence in Ramshackle--it used to be desolate, which makes it a perfect spot to visit on his nightly strolls. However, Malleus soon finds amusement in the fact that Yuu, not being of this world, has no clue who he is or what his status is. This grants him the freedom to speak at ease with this human and to "be himself" in a way that he cannot be with others, who typically cower at his name. You could also argue that Yuu telling Malleus they may have found a way home expedited the despair he felt in book 7, as he learned so quickly that two of his friends would be exiting his life soon. This, however, is not possessiveness. It's normal to have fear and anxiety about losing the people you love.

Malleus's voice lines also do not indicate possessiveness. Yes, there's the usual and expected fanservice-y lines where he invites Yuu to come and engage in various activities with him, but nothing in those suggests he would exclude others or become upset if they also wanted to join. (Are you telling me that Malleus wouldn't want to talk for hours on end about the glory of gargoyles to TWO people instead of just one?????) Additionally, all the characters get similar fanservice-y lines, so it's not something exclusive to Malleus. There was one line that gave me pause: "You always seem to attract a crowd... More so than I'd like, really." Buuut I think this could be read a number of ways, not solely in an ‘I want you all to myself’ way. Malleus actually does like to be alone, hence his nightly strolls. The line can therefore also be read as Malleus enjoying solitude or one-on-one conversations as opposed to addressing a group. In that case, it's a personal preference and not necessarily a sign of possessiveness. He’s definitely not completely averse to group activities though; there are lines where Malleus invites Yuu to do things with him and other characters. For example, from his PE Uniform: “Sebek has been badgering me to help train him. I'll permit you to join us. ... You're coming, I trust?”

The guy generally doesn't get angry or annoyed if Yuu mentions having other friends or managing the 7 member VDC/SDC group. In fact, he sometimes encourages Yuu to interact with others. One of his birthday lines is, "You needn't linger and focus on me to the exclusion of others. I want everyone to enjoy the party, yourself included." Malleus doesn’t so much as flinch or react when a complete stranger kisses the back of Yuu’s hand either. If he was truly possessive, wouldn’t he have gotten angry or—at the very least—have frowned or tried to put some distance between Yuu and said stranger? Yet Malleus doesn’t really react or comment on it despite being present.

Malleus seems to understand that it's not very polite to demand all of someone's time or attention--and this makes perfect sense of his character. He is a royal, and that means he was taught proper manners. Malleus has even indicated before that his grandmother stressed the importance of observing etiquette, particularly around invitations. You don't just invite yourself to functions or insert yourself into others' lives if not extended said invites... and Malleus, for the most part, adheres to those rules. In various voice lines, he even frets over committing social faux pas, wondering if he has offended his peers with certain behaviors. For example, from his Masquerade Dress: "Flamme shoots me stern looks on occasion. Have I behaved improperly in some way...?"

Malleus is also not generally possessive when it comes to his items or territory. He wants to share cake with others; eating a whole one gave him heartburn and now whole cakes are his least favorite food. Additionally, he tends to welcome people to Diasomnia rather than chase them out or expel them. (After all, they so rarely get visitors in the first place.) Malleus will at least hear out the reasoning for seeking him out. As an example, Leona (someone who has had a rocky history with Malleus) goes to Diasomnia in his Ceremonial Robes vignettes to exchange robes after a laundry mix-up. This is a stark contrast to the highly territorial Leona, who attacks a magicless human in thd Botanical Garden and also allows his own students to wail on Yuu and co. for simply walking being in Savanaclaw. Leona joins in on this bullying too. I think it's pretty clear that Malleus handles guests with far more tact, grace, and patience than his fellow prince.

I want to point out that though Malleus is usually amicable with guests, there are exceptions. Ramshackle, as I mentioned earlier, is a place he enjoys a lot. He indicates in his Halloween Dress card that “If anyone dares to damage [this] dorm, I will be as a lóng and reduce them to cinders. I have become rather fond of that place, after all.” Indeed, he does act on this promise in Terror is Trending and comes close to striking down Magicam Monsters for disrespecting a place he holds so dear. Is this possessive though? Yes, it’s a place he loves—but it’s also a place where his friend Yuu lives.

There are many other examples of Malleus going to extreme lengths to protect the things he loves. He vows to destroy Rollo Flamme, who poses a threat to his people, the fae (who depend on magic as their way of life, and the sentient gargoyles, whom he has recently befriended. He unleashes his mighty magic to attack those who wound his pride. He stops time and kidnaps the entire student body all for the sake of including ghosts in a Halloween celebration. And, of course, he sends Sage’s Island to sleep in a desperate bid to stop losing everyone. The majority of these behaviors involve him lashing out at those who pose legitimate threats to things he cares about. It’s not as though be is acting for no discernible reason or because he is doesn’t want his loved ones being with people other than him. Does that make these actions right? No, absolutely not. But I would say they are definitely more protective than possessive.

Very rarely is Malleus actively preventing his peers from spending time away from him. Sure, he gets upset that he’s not invited to join them and sure, he wishes people would invite him too—but there’s a difference between longing and being mopey about this and acting so domineering he’s breathing down the necks of others to only be with him. He is not stopping people from being with their friends and family. He is not stopping people from using his things or entering his territory. Even when he makes everyone sleep, he grants them the space to craft their own dreams and doesn’t even make the dreams center around him and his own involvement on their lives. Oftentimes the dreams involve several other characters that are important to the individual dreamer and Malleus does not appear at all. (Again, this doesn’t mean using his UM was the best move to resolve his issues; I’m just saying his actions were not necessarily possessive.)

So, in conclusion, I stand by the thesis at I proposed at the start of this post: Malleus is largely protective, not possessive, despite what many fandom interpretations would have you believe.

[kierongillen]

General Player Advice For RPGs

I published this in my newsletter here a while back, and discourse reminded me I wanted to put it more public. I probably should get around to actually doing a proper blog for this kind of stuff. You can sign up to the newsletter here.

One of the things which I’ve been chewing over since getting back into RPGs is that there’s so much advice for GMs and so little advice for players. I keep thinking over why - though the whys aren’t what I’m about to write about. However, some other folk think any worthwhile advice is system/genre specific.

This got me chewing over whether I agree with that. As the list below shows, I don’t.

The first four are ones where I think I succeeded, and as principles generally guide you towards better play no matter what game you’re playing. The last three are mainly applicable to games with a significant story component (the last especially). There’s a few more I played with, but they were more about being a good at the table generally – about being a better player in any game rather than specifically about role-playing games. I also avoided ones which were more GM-and-player advice rather than just player advice (if there’s a problem in game, communicate out of game, use appropriate safety tools, etc).

I also didn’t include “Buy The GM Stuff”.

Anyway – here they are. See what you think.

GENERAL PLAYER PRINCIPLES FOR BETTER PLAY

1) Make choices that support the table’s creative goals

If you’re playing a storygame, don’t treat it like a tactical wargame. If you’re playing a tactical wargame, don’t treat it like a storygame. If it’s bleak horror, don’t make jokes. If you’re in a camp cosy romp, don’t bring in horror. It also varies from moment to moment – if someone’s scene is sincere, don’t undercut it.

2) Be A Fan of The Other Characters

This is GM advice in almost all Powered By the Apocalypse games – for the GM to be a fan of the characters. It’s a good trait for a player to cultivate. Be actively excited and interested in the other characters’ triumphs and disasters. Cheer them on. Feel for them. Players being excited for other players always makes the game better. Players turning off until it’s their turn always makes it worse.

3) Be aware of the amount of spotlight time you’re taking

This is a hard one for fellow ADHD-ers, but have an awareness of who is speaking more and who is speaking less. A standard GM skill is moving spotlight time around to players who have had less time. Really good players do this too. Pass the ball.

4) Learn what rules apply to you, to smooth the game, not derail it.

To stress, this isn’t “come to the table knowing everything” but learning the rules that are relevant to your character along the way, especially if they are marginal (looking at you, Grappling and Alchemy rules). Doing otherwise adds to the facilitator’s cognitive load and hurts the game’s flow. The flip is being aware that knowing stuff isn’t an excuse to break the game’s flow with a rules debate either – that’s an extension of the third principle.

5) Make choices which support other characters’ reality

If someone’s playing a scary bastard, treat them like a scary bastard. If they’re meant to be the leader, have your character treat them like the leader , for better or worse. A fictional reality is shared, and you construct it together.

6) Ensure The Group Understands Who Your Character Is

This is the flip of the above – having a character conception that is clear enough that everyone gets who you are, what you want to do and how you want to do it. If you don’t, the table will be incapable of supporting your choices. This links to…

7) If asked a preference in a story game, a strong choice is almost always better than a middling choice.

Don’t equivocate. If asked “You’ve met this person before. How do you feel about him?” either “I love him” or “I hate him” is better than anything middling. The exception is if it’s something you’re really not interested in pursuing.

[sharkylass]

YOU I LIKE YOU @faislittlewhiteraven These questions are a little hard to answer with doodles but I tried my best- Nil generally has a pretty heroic and brave personality overall. She's loud and brash and ready to jump into things super quickly.

She's not the best with words, but she is very reliable overall

More art and writing under cut, it's just a long post man-

In terms of helping about during travels, she likes doing a lot of heavy labor jobs- She's the type to fix broken fences, gather supplies for folks, carry stuff around, tend to crops or lend a help wrangling animals. Nil wouldn't be great at things like sorting and organizing tho- Just tell her what you need and where to put it and she will! I mentioned she's not really the best with words (she is very emotionally intelligent just sometimes struggles to communicate stuff), HOWEVER, With folks that have been frozen she connects with a lot. How it's scary that you've been frozen for so long when your entire belief is to change and evolve, how (if Mal Du Pays is anything to go by) they had to fight their own demons in there, how everything can change so easily without you even noticing- It's terrifying to think about.

Actually- a while ago I made battle sprites with Nil- I wasn't happy with them so I never shared them BUT

Specifically I wanted to contrast her frozen sprite with everyone else's- Cause if she were to SOMEHOW be frozen again, knowing what it feels like, what could happen while she's out- It would TERRIFY her instantly. Not just a mild shock or surprise, it would stick with her for a while-

Speaking of battles tho-

Nil is super brash and lively as a whole. She puts up a brave face for a LOT of things, including fighting. She jumps in without really thinking, and as long as it goes their way, she'd have a smile on her face doing it.

However, while brave, it does come from both a place of coping and naivety. She's not used to genuine fighting, in fight or flight situations she actually tends to flee. (Which is why honestly, if she had to fight the King I don't think she could do it-)

If a battle were to start going south, she'd actually start to panic more then anyone else- Physical wounds and seeing the people she loves hurt would lower her accuracy and general capabilities, despite the brave face she puts on.

And due to her lack of experience, especially in bigger groups- Nil tends to... miscalculate sometimes

She had to learn the hard way not to just jump at any opportunity she sees. The party can see where Bonnie got it from (also after the battle Nille proceeded to heal Sif, profusely apologizing, I forgot to doodle that whoops-) (Also gameplay wise, imagine every second turn she does an action of her own without your command)

Also just the Sif image by itself cause I liked it :]

As for chores and stuff-

She does foraging and stuff! Honestly I don't think the other 5 would have done so before they traveled together.

Mira would have most DEFINITELY learned about it but didn't feel confident in her abilities. Bonnie will grab stuff they think is edible from what they remember Nille telling them and they'd grab a stick to cook. Odile would not be interested and would prefer buying the ingredients rather then wild scavenging. Isa doesn't read to me as a biology student, I see him more of a math history type of guy, so either he doesn't know, or him and Mira did it occasionally together, but only as a last resort type of deal (maybe when it was just the two of them and they had to manage alone) And Sif in my mind is an accident prone goober who'd forget which ones are edible and which ones aren't so I wouldn't trust him personally.

SO! LONG STORY SHORT! I don't think any of them are really experienced with foraging. And as a means to make money management easier- I imagine Nil (nature being a passion of sorts to her) took up the mantle! Probably taught the rest how to do it too!

That's it when it comes to stuff specific to her- Other then that she's kind of ready to help out with anything! She can help set up tends, do odd jobs for money, help cook if for WHATEVER reason Bonnie wanted her to or wanted to do something else in that time, bring water, wood, fish, help with weapons- She's not the best at those things, but if anyone needs a hand to be lent- she is there!

I'll be entirely honest, I don't think I understand your last question- But I do wanna say that Nil and Isa become like. Best buds real quick. He is the first one she instantly trusts, since she rivals with Mira, is prickly with Odile and Sif is someone she wants to help rather then ask for help. So if she needs someone to turn to, or needs a partner in crime- Nil would turn to Isa And now I just imagined Mira and Nil bonding over how to grow plants. Cause Mira tried REALLY REALLY HARD and couldn't do it, so Nille would actually love to give some tips- Imagine Mira genuinely walking up to her with a little alive plant with a proud glint in her eyes and have Nil fully support her- Honestly I could keep going for forever, I have so many thoughts on her and her dynamic with everyone- Bro I even have nicknames, you don't even know-

BUT I'M GONNA CUT IT HERE, HAVE FUN, I'VE BROUGHT SOME FOOD FOR NOW-

[ashe-smash]

Baby Talk | Chapter 2: Ovulation Ao3 Piccolo x Reader (Female Reader) Previous Chapter

Tags/ CW: Infertility/Reproductive Incompatibility, Themes of Infertility, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Alien/Human Relationships, Namekian Biology, Piccolo has a Diccolo, mention of periods, sex toy usage, egg toy, egg laying?, smut, fingering, oral sex (blowjob), PIV sex, emotional sex, roleplay, Breeding Kink Reader is described with hair that can be grabbed, mentions of grief (Later Chapters) Oviposition, Pregnancy, Alien Pregnancy. We're still in the Hurt of the Hurt/Comfort Folks.

Word Count: ~5.3k

You get your period a week later and it sucks. It usually sucks but this time it’s just the awful cherry on top.

There were times in years past when you praised the heavens you even got it at all. Now you don’t even have a reason to worry about it being late which seems extra cruel. Like pressing on a too fresh bruise. Your biology is taunting you by just doing its natural job. You hate to continue stewing on the topic when you and your partner have essentially come to a dead end on it. Do not pass Go, do not collect 200 zenni, no baby- now or ever. 

The worst part is that Piccolo hovers when he returns from training. It’s worse than it usually is. 

“Get over here, you big dork.” You kick off your blankets from the pathetic little nook you’ve created on the couch. 

“You don’t feel well.” Piccolo almost pouts (he’d never admit to it, play it off as his general bluntness.) 

“I’d feel better if my big strong boyfriend came over here and squished me.” You try to entice. 

Worst feeling of all is that he hesitates. You know it’s because he’s worried about you not feeling well- he likes to be helpful when you need him. So enticing him into snuggling up with you means he isn’t quite available like that. 

Admittedly, your relationship has hit a rough patch. Really, not much changes- you’re just sadder.  You’re not sure Piccolo understands abstract grief, if he quite understands grief at all. Sex is a little rocky, but Piccolo’s sex drive kind of depends on yours. He still holds you at night while you sleep and he meditates. 

It’s no one’s fault. Well, you wouldn’t blame Piccolo. 

You decide you need a weekend getaway together. Planning it gives you something to do while you’re too miserable to do anything deemed more important. You can look at beaches and mountains while you’re curled up in bed or the couch while you wait for the pain reliever or heating pad to do its work. You book a cabin for when work isn’t going to be busy and hope the world isn’t exploding or whatever then. 

You also decide to make the weekend as ‘normal’ as possible. You pack Piccolo clothes that aren’t his gi,  even if he’ll probably just end up wearing it anyways and drive to your destination. 

The two of you are settling into your vacation lodging. You’re doing something in the kitchen, probably snacking- Piccolo finds something else to do when you’re eating usually. He starts putting the things you’d packed for the weekend away in the set of drawers in the bedroom. 

Halfway through, he finds a little purple velvet bag he doesn’t recognize. 

Inside is an egg. It’s squishy but still has a bit of firmness to it and is swirled with different shades of green. On the wider side it has a little tail with a loop at the end. 

It’s clearly either a new acquisition or something you’ve never shown him. The latter would be odd, he’d seen a lot of your stuff when you’d moved into him. You even showed him your smutty alien romance books.  “What’s this?” 

Your eyes widen at the toy in his hand. 

“I thought, maybe.” You pause to collect your words, fidgeting a bit. Why are you nervous? “I thought maybe we could try… roleplay?” 

“I don’t think I know what that word is?” 

“It’s like … pretending? But during sex… to make it more interesting?” 

You’ve had to teach him pretty much everything about sex. This is a new one. The squishy egg thing is  still unknown. “So what’s this for?” 

Your cheeks are flushed. “I thought we could … pretend. It goes … in me?” Piccolo cocks his head, appraising the piece of silicone. If his eyes were lighter colored, you’d see his pupils dilate wide.  “It’s a silly idea, we don’t have to.” You say hurriedly. 

Piccolo wraps a hand around your forearm to pull you closer. “Can we try it now?” 

It flusters you for a second. “Yeah, big guy. We can try it now.” 

You need a moment to emotionally prepare yourself and clean up your snack. Plus you had an extra surprise planned for this. Piccolo retrieves extra bedding from the linen closet and makes a “bed”- little more than a nest of pillows and blankets in the main room. He worries about making a mess in the actual bed so this will do. 

You seem nervous when you join him, which is odd for you. You’ve always been the more confident one when it comes to bedroom activities. Even so, you smile at the little bed he’s kneeling in. It’s reminiscent of the beginning of your relationship, when he didn’t have a bed. “I’m not wearing cute undies.” You squeeze your fingers.

“That’s okay.” He doesn’t really care about your underwear choices, getting to see you in anything is great. He’s not particularly a connoisseur of women’s underwear. 

You shrug. “I thought it’d be fun… for this.” 

“You can change if you want.” Piccolo is plenty patient after all. 

“It’s alright… We might need lube though.” You glance back at the bedroom. Before you can go to retrieve it yourself, Piccolo extends his arm to snag the bottle of lube you’d packed in your bag. It’s tossed to the perimeter of the bedding.

“I need help with what I’m supposed to do.” Piccolo holds the little egg carefully between two fingers.

You shake your head. “We can just do the regular stuff. We don’t have to do that.” 

“I want to. Don’t you?” Piccolo cocks his head at you. You bought and packed it to be used right? 

He watches you hesitate, picking at a piece of dry skin on your bottom lip. He pries your hand away before you can make yourself bleed. “I guess I’m just not… ready.” 

“Not ready now or not ready until later?”

You shrug. Piccolo feels like he’s messed up. You’re a planner by nature- you probably had something planned and it’s thrown you off that he’s launched you straight into it. 

He sets the toy down next to the bottle of lube, deciding to forget about it for now. It might get lost in the sheets all together anyways. “Will you come lie down with me? I bet you’re tired from traveling, huh?” 

Before you climb into the little love nest, you shuck off your sweatpants. Your underwear are not as ghastly as you seem to think they are. A simple practical pair. He has a feeling that you had something “sexier” picked out, made of lace and straps. Your bra has been long since shucked off after arriving at your vacation lodging. 

You’re always up for a nice cuddle and he is right, you are tired. He rubs at the base of your neck and you practically purr. Maybe a nap would do you good and you’ll be right and ready after. 

“Lay on your stomach for me?” 

You look at him skeptically, but logically you know your partner isn’t one to cause mischief.  You tuck a pillow under your head and turn over.  

Laying on your stomach, in nothing but a pair of panties. Piccolo’s goal is to make you more comfortable.

He skips your lower half for now- you might need him to work out those muscles after fun times. Although it might be fun to pin you down and make you stretch your leg muscles while you squirm underneath him, Piccolo currently aims to actually accomplish his goal. 

Maybe later though. 

You’re always complaining about your back hurting, usually a result of sitting improperly while you work. You sigh as he works his thumbs into the knots. 

Slowly he works his hands up your back, over each segment of your spine. Piccolo spends the most time on your neck and shoulders. It’s where you’re holding the most tension. You do a very convincing job of enticing him to continue, groaning and sighing. 

Rubs his thumb into the base of your skull. You seem properly relaxed, laying slack in the floor bed. 

Piccolo slides a large hand from the back of your neck to under your jaw. Very gently he lifts your head so you look at him above you. 

“Hey Big Guy.” You smile lazily at him. Anyone else should be far more afraid with his hand around their throat. He ducks down, a little to the side to force you into a kiss. The position of the kiss forces him to drape over you, careful to not squish you too much. “Want me to touch you more?” 

You squirm, arching against him. You like it when he uses his size and weight against you. He’s usually extra careful about it but there are times when he can use it to his advantage. “Y-yeah, Lo.” 

Piccolo thinks you just need him to take the lead  tonight. People outside of the relationship probably assume Piccolo is the more dominant of the two of you. He’s bigger and stronger, he’s the “man.” In some ways it’s true, but more often than not you’re the one guiding the situation when it comes to the bedroom. He yields to you when it’s needed. 

He runs his knuckles over the crotch of your panties. “Here?” 

You nod wordlessly, lifting your hips as a means to entice him further. It’s not like it’s hard either. 

Back in the beginning of your relationship, you were quite concerned about taking ‘advantage’ of the Namekian- despite him being a more powerful being but you being the more experienced person. Tonight, he’s the one making sure everything is on track and fun. 

You lift your hips so he can pull off your underwear, finally leaving you fully naked for him. You’re already wet, not enough but more than your body’s natural wetness. 

He starts slowly, just barely touching you, splitting your folds with the back of his fingers. Clearly you’re pent up from the lack of intimacy in the relationship recently. Now that Piccolo thinks about it, he doesn’t think you’ve had any alone time either. 

Piccolo has learned he’s good with his fingers. It’s not hard to bring you towards release with them. Only very rarely does he deny you of it, but not today.

He might be relatively novice, but he did have a pretty good teacher. Works his fingers in and out of your spasming walls. Tucks his unoccupied hand around your hip and under you so he can rub circles around your clit. The position is a little awkward for that but it’s enough stimulation.  

Lying on your stomach gives him ample access to  the sensitive spot inside you.  He does wish he could see your face better in this position, but you’ve buried it in the pillow. 

He watches you grip at the pillow and the linens beneath you. All those muscles he worked so hard to rub out go tight, tight, tight and then finally, go completely lax. 

When he pulls his fingers out of you, he finds that the fluids left behind are clear and sticky. He unceremoniously wipes it in the bedding. You’re laid slack, trying to catch your breath,  “All done?” Piccolo asks,  rubbing gently where the back of your thigh meets your butt cheek.

It takes a second before you can calm your breathing, or maybe find your voice. You turn your head to look at him, seemingly thinking for a minute. 

“Can I give you a blowjob?” 

Piccolo makes a face. He’s never quite understood the appeal of that. Sure, your mouth is warm and wet like the entrance between your legs but one doesn’t have teeth and doesn’t involve sticking his dick into where you breathe from. You’ve admitted you don’t mind him not particularly liking them. 

But you’re asking to do it, so that must mean you want to. 

“I’m not… out yet.” Aroused yes, but it’s not uncommon when he needs a little extra effort for this part. 

“You know I don’t mind.” In all honesty, his anatomy isn’t too dissimilar to yours when he’s sheathed. It doesn’t quite provide the same stimulation as it does for you, but it does mean you perform similar foreplay acts on him. Usually that’s about as close as he lets you get with your mouth, using your tongue on his slit. 

Like he’s learned how to satisfy you, you’ve learned how to for his body. A little coaxing with your fingers and he slides right out for your waiting mouth. You guide him to grip at your hair, seeming pleased when he takes a good fistful. Bobbing your head with a nod and humming around him. 

Eventually you dare to go deeper, he’d probably barely notice it he couldn’t feel your gag reflex reacting to the intrusion. You’re going slow enough that it’s not a problem. 

It’s hard to keep his hips still. Despite his logical mind being weary of this act, the baser part of his instincts do very much want to grip you by the skull and drive his cock down as far down your throat as it can go. Hard. So he just grips at your hair a little tighter. 

Piccolo thinks you’re doing a very good job at trying to be enticing. At your height difference with this position, you can’t even reach the hilt, but it’s enough. But it’s hard to watch you struggle, even if both of you are seemingly enjoying it. 

“I’m not going to … finish like this.” It feels good, sure, you’re very good at whatever you’re doing with your mouth. Maybe it’s a mental thing. He’s let you have your amusement. 

“You wanna come inside me?” You coo sweetly, continuing to mouth at his shaft. He grunts, tugging your hair again, this time to try to redirect you to the next part. 

A little giggle bubbles out of you, before you flop back into the blankets. If it wouldn’t mean practically tackling you, he would have caught you to make sure you don’t bump your head. 

“The toy can’t go in before…” You kind of nod your head. “Maybe after, okay?” 

Piccolo nods. “What else should I do?” 

“Just dirty talk I guess. Say what you wanna do to me with the toy.” Piccolo ponders. He’s never been quite good at that part. “I can help with it, bud.” You add, easing him back into your little love nest. 

You decide to be on top- another uncommon occurrence in your bedroom activities. Piccolo’s hips are hard to accommodate in this position and you don’t always have the endurance in your hips and knees to  keep up with it. The position lets him slip deeper than any of them, the blunt end of his cock nudging against the plug of your womb. Makes you gasp. 

“Too much?” 

You rock against him. “Jus’ gotta get used to it. Can feel you all the way here.” You pet across your lower stomach. 

He should have been more diligent about keeping you stretched out, even if you aren’t actively having sex in recent times. But it really only does take a moment and then you’re putting in a valiant effort to bounce on his cock. 

“You wanna put the egg in me? Deep like this,” you guide his hand to press into the fat of your tummy. “Right here?” 

Oh this is the Roleplay thing. 

A growl rumbles deep from his chest. Your eyes go wide and your hips stutter in response. Then you surge forward to kiss him a little too eagerly and he has to catch you so you don’t smash your face into his. It’d likely hurt you more than him. 

Like this your movements turn more into grinding than bouncing. He flexes his hips to push himself deeper into you. “You want it bad too, huh?” 

“Ye- yeah, Lo.”

He takes the initiative and grabs you to flip both of you over. It makes you squeal in surprise. For a moment, Piccolo loses himself in the fantasy. He almost believes that if he indeed tried hard enough, he could fuck you hard enough that it would take. (If he weren’t mostly concerned about how you feel wrapped around him, he’d wonder where that urge comes from.) 

Piccolo knows you’ll stop him if he’s being too rough. Your fingernails trace the ridges on his arms. They dig in as you try to hang onto him, it doesn’t really hurt as he has thicker skin, but he is aware of the feeling. 

You’re perfect. Warm, tight, clenching around his cock. His partner, mate, whatever. Love of his life. Future mother of his-

It should give him pause, but instead it hits him like a train. “You just gotta come for me big guy.” You lock your legs around him best you can. It should be embarrassing, how easily you can coax him into an orgasm. But how could it be when you’re so very convincing? 

It hits hard, cumming feels like he’s been wrung completely dry. For all the resolve he’s put into training his muscles, now they seem particularly useless. He goes slack on top of you. 

Piccolo is heavy. It’s rare he rests his full weight on top of you to prevent actually squashing you. You like it though. At this moment, he needs it. Needs to stay inside you for a little bit longer, so close there’s no difference between where you end and he begins. 

“It’s not often you’re the one tired out after one round.” You coo, breathily. It’s hard to catch your breath when your giant boyfriend is doing his best impression of your weighted blanket. 

Piccolo's stamina has nothing to do with this, even if it was particularly intense. 

You shiver a little when Piccolo pulls out, unplugging your entrance and letting his fluids dribble out of you. It’s noticeably a lot more than usual- clear evidence of the lack of intimacy between you two as of late. 

You whine at the feeling, attempting to clamp your legs together. Or maybe because your boyfriend is openly staring at your pussy. The evidence of his climax is clear as day. “You didn’t come.” 

You shrug half heartedly. “I was close.” You once explained to him, sometimes it just doesn’t happen. That’s probably especially true when your partner comes embarrassingly fast. “We weren’t supposed to be done after you’re finished.” 

You half roll over to rifle through fabric, procuring the items deposited there. The little toy- the egg and the lube. It’s a little bigger than a chicken egg. “I can do it if you don’t want to.” No, he definitely wants to do it. 

“I can do it.” 

You give him a little nod. Reassurance for you or him, he’s not sure. “Just push it in gently with your fingers. Not too deep, I don’t want to struggle getting it out.” 

Some sick part of Piccolo does like the idea of that. Maybe a larger one, that you have to push and push and push to free it from your body. It slides in easily with some lube and the mixture of your fluids. He watches you clench around the silicone toy. 

“How does it feel?” If he pressed his fingers into the flesh of your pubic mound, he could probably feel it inside of you if he pushed hard enough. That’d probably be uncomfortable so he just caresses there firmly. 

You whimper, your hips twitching to meet his fingers. “It’s just kind of a pressure. Feels full- Good job, you did a good job.” 

Piccolo’s cock twitches to life again, it hasn’t sheathed yet. That feral feeling has twitched to life again too. Hauls you into his lap so he can notch against your hole. 

“Careful!” Your hips jump a little, he’s not sure if you’re trying to retreat or seek more stimulation. 

He cocks his head at you. “We gotta… complete the goal, right? Can’t just put the egg in you.” He keeps a hand splayed across your pelvis. You whine, head bobbing a little. Your eggs have to be fertilized. It doesn’t make sense- he doesn’t even produce sperm. Piccolo knows he can’t penetrate you now, you told him such and he knows how to listen. “I won’t go in, just… close enough.” He pushes against your folds. It’s slick and you’re just getting wetter. 

He can't help but be entranced by the way you clench around the toy. That must be the point of the toy, to put pressure on your g-spot without actual penetration. The simulation of a part of his own biology is just an added bonus. He wonders if you could keep it inserted throughout the day another time. Will you want to use the toy again? Or is it just for this special occasion? 

Your back bows more and more while he rubs practiced circles against your clit.  Gently, he pushes his fingers back into you to press the toy harder against your walls. He's being careful, keeping the little tail tucked between them. “Do a good job for me too. Come for me .” You whine again. Now that he’s got his fingers inside you he can feel it, clenching tight tight tight. Keeping an even pace with his other hand around your bud. 

“Wait-” You cry but it's already too late. The wave comes crashing over you and with it a tidal of fluids gushing out of you. “Oh shit-” 

Piccolo pushes forward and replaces his fingers inside you with his cock, not in- just enough that the blunt head is pushed in a little. You struggle to find purchase somewhere to hold on, but it does prove helpful as you touch all over his shoulders and arm and chest.  All it takes him is one and then two firm strokes of himself and his own wave comes crashing over him. 

“Good job.” He groans as he rides through his own second orgasm. You shiver when he pushes himself through your folds once again. He rewards you with kisses pressed to your face. 

Piccolo rolls off you this time- sparing you the full body contact. You cross your arms loosely over your chest, he watches it heave as you come back to your brain. Gives you a minute or two before he sits himself up to move on to the next part.  “Are you going to lay here for a while?” 

You roll over a little, cringing at the feeling of the cooling fluids between your legs. It's all over you honestly. “We should clean up- I gotta get this thing out of me first, it can’t stay in for too long.” 

“Do you need help with that part?” He did put it in after all, he could have pulled it out when he had his fingers in you before. That might have proved to be unsatisfactory at the moment however. 

“No it’s easy enough to remove- it’s why it’s got the tail. I just gotta-“ You roll over fully so you can sit up. You wobble a bit, your legs and hips and likely your whole body turned to jello. 

Piccolo wraps a strong arm around your shoulders to steady you. You make a noise somewhere between a hum and a groan, knocking your forehead against his shoulder. “Dizzy?” 

“A little.” 

“Take your time.” He can hold you for as long as you need. 

You take another moment before reaching between your legs. You’re trying to take it slow, either prolong the feeling or delay the ending all together. Maybe next time you’ll let him feel you doing it, or even do it himself.  You grunt a little. He hears a soft pop as you pull the toy out of your entrance. 

You pull your face away from where your forehead rested against his shoulder. There are a few wet lines running the lengths of your cheeks. You’re crying. “Did that hurt?” Piccolo thumbs at a fat tear. 

You jerk back, like you’ve been startled. “No, it’s fine.” Your voice betrays you, cracking. You turn your face away, hiding it as you wipe away the tears. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“S’nothing, it just happens sometimes. Hormones or something.” You shrug. You’ve never cried after sex before, not with Piccolo at least. Maybe a tear or two that escapes during pleasure, but not like this. 

“You’re really okay?” You nod with your face hidden in your hands. “… you’ll feel better if we get cleaned up. Do you want a bath, shower?” You probably feel pretty gross. 

You deflate. “Not right now.” 

Piccolo resorts to picking you up to go to the  bathroom. Lets you use the toilet in private while he retrieves clean things for you both. Forgoes any of the pajamas you’d packed for yourself and picks out one of his shirts instead. His clothes usually end up in your wardrobe eventually, although it has grown significantly since the two of you started dating. He also grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. 

He hears the sink running when he returns. Steam billows up from the faucet, indicating you let the flow heat up. You just stare at it. 

Piccolo picks you up again, setting you on the counter which makes you shiver. Puts the bottle of water in your hands. “I’m sorry.” He’s partially apologizing for you being cold, but maybe also the other stuff. 

You shake your head. “Not your fault. I thought it’d be fun.” 

You don’t seem particularly motivated to actually get to the task at hand: cleaning yourself up. It’s alright, he can do it. 

He’d seen you fish your toiletries bag out of your luggage when the two of you’d first arrived. First, he turns down the temperature of the water to wet a washcloth. Hands it to you with some of your face wash deposited on the cloth. Hopefully it will help calm some of the splotchiness on your face from crying. 

Rinses the cloth thoroughly after you hand it back. He only lets you clean your face since it’s easier, he has big hands and doesn’t particularly want to poke you in the eye. To help, he does a diligent job of wiping between your legs. “You didn’t enjoy it at all?” 

Your eyes go wide- for a second he thinks you might start crying again. “I did- it felt good- I just-“ You’re not close enough to starting your period again for you to be feeling like this. Cracked open like an egg, raw.

“Shh, deep breath. I’m not upset.” Piccolo smooths a big hand over the side of your face. He’s just worried he pushed a boundary he didn’t quite know existed. 

You lean into him, which is a good sign that you’re not upset or uncomfortable by him. “The sex was fine. I just-” you worry your bottom lip with your teeth for a second. “I thought we could find satisfaction with the toy.” 

“I pushed you to use it before you were ready.” 

“I’m the one who bought and packed it. I thought I’d be fine with playing and then I had to-  I didn’t think it through all the way, Lo.” You sigh. Piccolo rubs your temple. He’s only so good at the soothing part.

“We’ve been naked too long.” You grumble, pushing off the counter after a few minutes of silent comforting.  You go grab a dry towel. He watches you in the mirror as you dry off. He cleans himself and washes his hands, you set to work on putting your clothes. Well you pick them up from where he set them on top of the toilet. 

“You know I’m not just… sad right?” You fiddle with your underwear. “I’m trying not to be but it’s not just being sad. It’s grieving, but not like if I lost something or someone. Like I’m grieving something I’ll never know.” 

Piccolo doesn’t know what to say. 

“It’s okay if you don’t understand.” You’re idling to put your clothes on still, so he’s able to pull his pants on before you even step into your underwear. 

You’re used to this part in your relationship. Sometimes Piccolo needs time to process and learn what things actually mean. Right now it feels like it’s never been this severe. 

He pulls his shirt from your grip, deciding to let you put your underwear on.  Maybe he’s letting you keep that boundary, even if that really doesn’t make much logical sense. Pulling it over your head for you. 

You decide to skip the underwear all together once you stick your arms through the sleeves. “I’m going to go to the bedroom, okay?” 

Piccolo follows, much like he always does.

“You can go out if you want.” You tuck yourself into the duvet on the bed. You’re likely going to take a post sex nap. You were ready to have a good cuddle and take a nap before everything. The emotions probably didn’t help on that front either. 

Piccolo frowns. You’ve been offering that more, letting him leave when you’re planning on resting or even just sleeping at night. It was fairly common in the beginning of your relationship. Back then he didn’t always hold you when you slept, but he did often stay with you at least.

He knows he’s absolutely going to not do that. He slides into the bedding with you. Slots a thick thigh between yours and wraps his arms around yours. His fist settles against your sternum so he can feel your heartbeat. His other arm pillows your hands head, you give his palm a kiss before you interlock your fingers with his. 

The position forces you to settle, like he’s wrestled you into a nap. Instead of following suit and closing his eyes, Piccolo watches you as you lie in his arms. 

“Bud, you know I can’t sleep if you’re staring.” 

“Sometimes, I miss you. But not because I haven’t seen you, I miss you like you’re… gone.” There will be someday when he will never see you again. Piccolo will outlive you and he’s never realized that's what he’s feeling. 

You’re feeling that for something, someone who will never exist. 

“I wish… I could give you an …egg? Maybe just a baby, I guess.” He’s decided to try a new game of Pretending.  

You’re silent for a moment. “You’re lucky I don’t mind, that's as weird as it sounds.” You make a plucking motion at him, pretending to eat something. “How would that even work? Swallow it and puke up a baby?” 

It wouldn’t. It’s not possible anyways but he lets you entertain it.  Maybe he is too. 

“… I think you’re the weird one.” 

“Alright, Green Bean.” 

Piccolo pinches your thigh, makes you giggle. “I thought you were napping?” Ignore the fact he’s the one who is keeping you up to begin with. 

You yawn. “I wish … we had takeout.” 

“I can get it for you.”

“I want it to just magically appear though!” You make a tiny pinching motion with your fingers again. “You should make a tiny set of dragon balls- for the silly things. Like the size of marbles.” 

“Ours are the smallest set. You do know they aren’t always used for serious stuff.” 

“For Chinese food though?” 

Honestly, the dragon balls have been used for less for serious stuff- like resurrection of people or planets and more for things like Bulma’s cosmetic alterations,  woman’s panties. Piccolo shrugs. “I guess probably not that.” 

“See! We need tiny ones, maybe there’d only be like… four. The dragon could be … a snake. Wait then they’d be snake balls.” 

Piccolo rolls himself over onto his back, still keeping you close. “I need to meditate to forget this conversation.” 

You snort. Your silly little game (annoy your boyfriend for your own amusement) has been won, even if you were the one playing it. He sees you open your mouth to say something again, but covers your mouth before you can. “Nap.” 

You settle again now that your mood is lighter. Still a little sad, but you might always be. You silently decide that next weekend trip or getaway will probably include Pan. 

[certifiedsexed]

Terrified to ask in fear I'll be framed bad but here I go!!

I'm very interested in the human body and anything that can be considered medical (have been ever since I was 3-4 years old!!) and so I tend to get carried away with topics when it comes to human anatomy or procedures

One of which I've been talking about a lot is ftm HRT and the affects it'll have because not only am I incredibly excited for it I find it fascinating with how it works and what changes it provides and I'll yap about it in VCs with friends and stuff

With that context out of the way some of the people in those VCs are minors and I'm worried that what I'm talking about is harming them (because sometimes the topic turns to bottom growth or vaginal atrophy, sometimes the topic turns to mtf hrt and I'll discuss breast growth and the affects estrogen has on penises or testicles) Because I'm an adult (barely so too, I turned 18 like this year)

The minors are 15 or older never any younger and I always clarify and check in if I'm making anybody uncomfortable and if people want me to stop which everyone has said continously that they're ok with it and even ask questions about the topic (a lot of the people I hang out with are trans folks who have some kind of transition goal in mind)

But I'm worried if I'm pushing it too far and am actually harming them because I'm an adult while these people are minors. It never turns sexual its all talked about in a strictly educational manner.

I hope this makes sense sorry for the long ask :(

It's kinda interesting to read this ask for me because I'm very similar to this and have been for a long time. I also had similar worries but more about sharing with my siblings than general friends.

Look, talking about sex education (including trans specific sex education) isn't bad for kids or going to harm them.

You've been interested in this type of thing since you were very young yourself, do you think it hurt you? It doesn't sound like it, seeing as you're still wholly excited and fascinated with this type of subject.

It sounds like you're very considerate about it as well and that your friends are curious/interested in the topics you discuss. That's wonderful.

You being 18 does not make it dangerous or harmful. You're not flirting with minors or anything even similar. You're just sharing information-information that it sounds like some of these kids will need!

You being an adult doesn't immediately make it inappropriate or dangerous. In fact, I'd argue having a safe adult these kids can talk to and ask questions about topics like that generally makes them safer.

If any of them were voicing discomfort and you continued to engage them in these conversations, ignoring that, I'd say, "Definitely stop that." but so far, it sounds absolutely fine.

Hope this helps, Anon! Let me know if you have any other questions. <3

[h50europe]

I feel like an oracle. I finished another write-up about Tommy's part in general without reading Tim's interview with EW. It deals with the upcoming episode feat. Tommy as the LAFD pilot he is, but also with him being the lone wolf in the 9-1-1 universe.

Let’s explore Tommy’s isolation and how it shapes his world, especially given his role as a pilot at the 217 Harbor Station with LAFD Air Operations. Then, I'll bring in that tantalizing future episode idea: danger, helicopters, the FBI, maybe even the National Guard or a terrorist attack, and how it could tie into his current state of mind and relationships.

Tommy’s isolation isn’t just a byproduct of his breakup with Buck. It’s been brewing ever since he left the 118, long before Buck even joined the team. Back in the day, Tommy was part of the crew under Captain Gerrard, but he moved on to the 217, chasing a different path as a firefighter pilot.

That shift alone put physical and emotional distance between him and his old squad. Air Ops is a specialized gig: high-stakes, high-skill, but solitary in a way ground crews aren’t. He’s up in the sky, detached from the camaraderie of the firehouse, coordinating with teams below but not sharing their day-to-day grind. It’s a different beast, and while it suits his steady, observant nature, it also sets him apart.

When Buck came into the picture, Tommy wasn’t part of the 118 anymore, so their connection was personal, not professional. But the 118’s loyalty runs deep, and once Tommy dumped Buck (the first time), that crew closed ranks. They’re a family; Buck’s their golden boy, flaws and all, and Tommy became the outsider who hurt one of their own.

Even if Chimney or Hen might’ve once had a soft spot for him from the old days, their allegiance shifted—no invites to Bobby’s cookouts, no casual beers after shifts. Tommy’s not just out of Buck’s orbit; he’s out of the 118s entirely. And at the 217? Pilots and air crews might respect him, but it’s not the same bond. They’re colleagues, not brothers-in-arms. He’s good at his job—damn good—but that doesn’t fill the void of real connection.

Now, post-reunion and that kitchen blowout with Buck, Tommy’s isolation hits a new low. He’s got no one to call. No 118 to fall back on, no partner to vent to, and whatever ties he had at Harbor Station felt transactional, work talk, not heart-to-hearts. He’s the guy who shows up, flies the chopper, saves the day, and goes home to an empty house. Maybe he’s got a dog or a punching bag to keep him company, but even that’s a guess. We don’t know much about his past beyond hints of old wounds, but it’s clear he’s carrying something heavy. The way he picked up on Buck’s Eddie obsession suggests he’s been burned before, and now he’s retreating further into himself.

He might even avoid the bars where 118 folks hang out just to dodge the awkwardness or the cold shoulders.

Enter this future episode, Tim teased—a helicopter-centric crisis with the FBI, maybe the National Guard, or even a terrorist attack. Picture it: LA’s under siege, skies buzzing with chaos. Tommy’s in his element at the controls, pulling off maneuvers that’d make lesser pilots sweat, but the stakes are astronomical. Maybe it’s a hijacked chopper he’s chasing down or a rescue mission in a no-fly zone with feds barking orders over the radio. The 118 are on the ground, neck-deep in the mess, and Tommy’s up above, their lifeline or their last hope if things go sideways. Danger’s his wheelhouse, but this time, it’s personal. He’s not just proving his chops; he’s proving he’s still got something to give, even if no one’s there to cheer him on.

Here’s where it gets interesting. Say the crisis forces Tommy and the 118 back into each other’s orbits. Buck’s down there, reckless as ever, and Tommy’s the one who has to swoop in, maybe pulling him out of a burning building or spotting him from the air when comms go dark. It’s not a reconciliation, not yet, but it’s a moment where Tommy’s isolation cracks. The 118 sees him in action, not as “Buck’s ex” but as the badass pilot who’s got their backs. Bobby might give him a nod over the radio; Hen might mutter a grudging “nice save.” It’s not forgiveness, but it’s a thaw. For Tommy, it’s a lifeline, a chance to feel useful, maybe even seen, after months of being a ghost.

But the danger ramps up. Let’s say the chopper takes a hit, mechanical failure, gunfire, whatever, and Tommy’s forced to make a call: land safely and abandon the mission, or push the bird to its limits and risk crashing. He chooses the latter because that’s who he is: steady and selfless, even when no one’s watching. He gets the job done, but it’s a rough landing, smoke, rotor blades whining. Maybe he’s banged up but alive.

The 118 rushes in, and there’s Buck, staring at the wreckage, realizing Tommy just put it all on the line. It’s not about rekindling romance; it’s about respect, maybe a flicker of guilt for how things ended.

Where does Tommy go from there? If he survives (and let’s hope he does), this could be his turning point.

Maybe he leans into Air Ops harder, finding purpose in the solitude, or maybe he starts rebuilding bridges, small steps, like a coffee with Chimney to test the waters. His isolation’s real, but this crisis could jolt him out of it, even if just a little. Or, if the writers want to twist the knife, he walks away from the wreckage alone, still the outsider, but with a quiet pride no one can take from him.

And then there's the other version of it with Buck in the game:

The crisis peaks when Buck’s in danger, classic Buck, diving into the fray, maybe trapped in a collapsing structure or cut off from comms. Tommy spots him from the air, calls it in, and makes a split-second choice: he pushes his chopper beyond its limits to get Buck out. The bird takes a hit by gunfire or debris, and Tommy’s forced to wrestle it down for a hard landing. Smoke’s billowing, rotors screeching, and he’s banged up but alive.

Buck can’t shake it. Seeing Tommy climb out of that wrecked chopper flips a switch. He tracks Tommy down later, maybe at the 217 hangar, where Tommy’s nursing a bruised shoulder and a coffee. Buck’s awkward at first, all “You didn’t have to do that,” but Tommy just shrugs, “Yeah, I did.” It’s not grand or romantic, just real.

They don’t jump back into anything right away. It starts small: Buck texts to check on him, and Tommy fires back a dry “still breathing” quip.

Then a beer after a shift, no pressure, just two guys who’ve been through hell. The incident lingers between them, a shared weight that softens the edges of their past. Buck’s not blind, he knows Tommy’s alone and sees how the 118’s cold shoulder has worn him down.

And Tommy? He’s wary but thawing, picking up on Buck’s effort to meet him where he’s at, not where Eddie used to be.

The rekindling sparks when Buck invites Tommy over to the house, fully unpacked now, with new furniture and no ghosts. It’s a quiet night, takeout and a movie, but it feels like a reset. Tommy tests the waters, asking how Buck’s holding up solo, and Buck admits it’s been weird but good, less about proving something and more about living. They kiss, tentative but deliberate, and it’s not a fix-all… it’s a start. The next morning, Tommy’s still there, in bed beside him, and Buck doesn’t drop any bombs about “first nights.” They’re just… there, figuring it out.

From then on, it’s slow but steady. Tommy’s still flying solo at the 217, but Buck’s a bridge back to the world, maybe even to the 118 eventually. The crisis didn’t erase Tommy’s isolation overnight, but it gave him a foothold, and Buck’s the one holding out a hand. They keep Eddie out of it. Buck’s unpacked that baggage, literally and figuratively, and focus on what’s in front of them.

Maybe Tommy opens up about his past one night, that old wound from being second fiddle, and Buck listens, really listens, promising with actions more than words that this time’s different.

Where do they land? Not a perfect fairy tale; Tommy’s still got walls, Buck’s still a mess of heart, but the incident forged something tougher than before.

They’re not just rebounding; they’re building. Tommy might never fully shed that lone-wolf vibe, but with Buck, he’s not flying blind anymore.

[meanbossart]

ASK COMPILATION: SHADOWCUTE, EGALITATION DU DROW, THE MAN WHO HAS NEVER HAD A COLD AND PROMISES OF FROTTING.

ALL I CAN DO FOR TONIGHT FOLKS, but I might end up doing another compilation very soon since the inbox situation is dire 💀

Thank you so much for showing so much interest in my character and my art! And an extra especial Thank You as always to anyone who has taken the time to leave a nice compliment or words of encouragement in my mail!

Now, onto the debauchery.

Surprisingly, no! While they may have been stuck at the hip since the early game, DU drow most definitely wasn't interested in becoming intimately involved with anyone at that stage - having lost all of his memories and seemingly kidnapped by mindflayers and all, he was a little on edge. Besides, Shadowheart struck him as rather juvenile in the earlier game, which kind of erased any possibility of his interest in her growing. By the time she """matures""" in DU drow's eyes he was already locked in with Astarion, and their friendship was also firmly established.

He did not. I think if he had been more observant as a Bhaalist he could have put two-and-two together - but he was far too self absorbed for that. He is under the impression that Helena (Orin's mother) had a divine pregnancy.

Besides women more often falling into a category that he is sexually attracted to (which doesn't affect his treatment of them by much either as long as he and Astarion are together, he may just steal a glance down their shirt or something) not really!

He has specific prejudices about women from the drow race for the same reasons everyone else has, but otherwise sex or gender doesn't impact his views. The one exception I can think of that may apply here is that he has a slight soft spot for mothers.

And don't worry, your english is perfectly fine!

Hello! I have gotten an ask about this before where I went much more in-depth, but I can't find it right now. The TLDR is that he doesn't care as long as you can still "pull your weight" outside of whatever the disability is. How reasonable his expectations are vary on how much he likes the person in question, but generally speaking he doesn't care and this would be something that bears much less weight than race or attitude - if they don't make it into a problem, he just won't bring it up.

He does have a vile sense of humor though; that might come up if he's trying to hurt someone's pride or, ironically, has built enough of a rapport with that he's comfortable joking around about such things with them.

Have a great day yourself!

I don't think there is anything wrong with relating to fictional characters, even if they are profoundly flawed or even straight up evil. Hopefully that's a vehicle for self-examination and introspection - after all, we are all flawed ourselves.

Honestly it is very hard for me to picture him old, at least in the conventional sense.

Truthfully, I am preeeeetty settled on DU drow being an immortal being at this point. I think it makes sense that Bhaal would have just stopped his aging at some point so he can be at peak performance while following through with his bidding, and that just seems to make sense to me based on prior BG lore. He changes over-time in other ways that I most certainly plan on drawing, but it might take a while for me to get there!

LOL, I think he retained knowledge of illness and disease just fine, so if he were to come down with something he wouldn't panic - probably quite the opposite. He strikes me as the kind of guy who wouldn't walk into a hospital unless a limb was dangling off by an artery - and even then, his friends probably had to insist he went.

Luckily he must has the immune system of vulture after so many years of eating half-cooked wild animals and rolling around in the cold dirt, so he very rarely contracts disease. When he does, he likely just tries his best to hide it or dismiss the concerns of anyone around him about it.

I'm glad to hear that! I remember being concerned that DU drow's scars may get read as rather exploitative or disrespectful when my art first started getting traction - I'm relieved that not only that seems to never have happened, but that people like yourself can actually gain some self-confidence from it!

Listen now that I know that there is an audience for it -

I'm not sure how I feel about simply making a book with art that already exists online and charging people money for it - especially when I have prints for sale that are most definitely of better quality than a zine and can actually serve to decorate your home! But I suppose if an opportunity like that popped up and it made sense, I don't see why not!

Oh he hates her guts, LOL. He would respect The Hag Grind for the pure comedy of it if she weren't so disgusting to look at or so unpleasant to talk to. He's particularly irate at her during act 3 when she tries to trick him into killing that little girl's mother, since he almost follows through with it (one of my few moments of lore save-scumming because I felt like SUCH an idiot).

He definitely didn't take up on her offer in act 1 for the failed tadpole treatment!

And as a bonus, here are some Viscious Mockery inspired taunts Ethel definitely bombarded him with during every fight.

[edenfenixblogs]

What suffering? You’ve never suffered for a single fucking second, and no, the holohoax doesn’t count. Is being in control of western media, banks and hollywood not enough for you? Is being disproportionately wealthy not enough for you? Does being called out for anything hurt your precious special snowflake jew feefees? Are meanie words on the internet oppressing you?

Date: 2/2/25

Note: ok so this Holocaust denying antisemite is literally just looking for attention and will be blocked by the time this comes out of the queue but in order:

1. First off, I literally have diagnosed ptsd as a result of intense and ongoing trauma suffered in childhood involving murder, manipulation, illness, and neglect. Being from a group (Jews) that you consider (incorrectly) to be free of suffering doesn’t magically erase any other suffering. Also I’m queer and neurodivergent and lived the past few years with chronic medical issues. So…uhhh…yeah. Assuming that this is in reference to a post where I talked about Jewish suffering in general since 10/7 here is and incomplete list of some examples of my suffering and the suffering of other Jews in diaspora.

Total isolation from non-Jewish social circles whether or not we have expressed any opinion on Israel

The inability to attend classes without harassment

The inability to submit work to bigoted teachers and professors who refuse to accept work from or about Jews

Harassment on public transit, restaurants, and other public areas for being visibly Jewish

Living in fear threats being called in to synagogues, Jewish childcare centers, and Jewish schools

Living in fear because local antisemitic groups organize and have carried out Jew hunts

Being told to leave places of business for wearing kippot or Magen David necklaces

Watching my people get slaughtered and ripped out of their homes and kidnapped and assaulted by people who gleefully filmed themselves committing these acts.

Watching people around the world cheer on the actions of the people who committed these atrocities listed above because they think people who share my ethnic identity deserved it because of where they were born.

Watching politicians who are supposed to represent my interests single out my cultural identity for condemnation or violence or ridicule daily.

2. The Holocaust counts as generational trauma and suffering, which is an unarguable fact given that the entire idea of generational trauma was INVENTED to describe the aftermath of-effects of the Holocaust, which was not a hoax you fucking idiot.

3. I work in media and barely make a living wage and have no power to shape any messages at all. I control nothing. In fact, I frequently have to work on content that makes me extremely uncomfortable personally and religiously. If you have the info of anyone I could contact in banking or media or, apparently(??????) the city of Hollywood where all the Jews are laughing over the piles of money they hoard for some reason like medieval storybook dragons, please give me that contact info. I could use some extra cash. Can you also have a word with the Space Laser folks? I want a turn.

4. I earn a living wage, which I fought a bitter multi-year union battle to achieve. And even then, just barely. Jews place a high emphasis on education and serving the community. Which is why many of us pursue higher and post graduate education, which is linked to higher pay. However? Half of all Jews in the US (including me) work in non-profits, because we find great meaning in serving the community. Interesting that nobody seems to have measured what percentage of atheists, Muslims, or Christians work in non-profits. I doubt half of any of those groups works in non-profits, because there are many more of them than there are of Jews. And if half of the Christians, atheists, and Muslims in the USA worked in and for nonprofits, then there wouldn’t be such horrible conditions for people suffering from poverty, homelessness, or inadequate health care.

5. This isn’t a call out of behavior I have practiced or participated in that is bad. This is a mocking of my religious and cultural identity based on stereotypes. Words mean things. You are bullying me. This is what bullying is.

6. “Snowflake” …interesting. So you might not be a leftist antisemite. You might be the old fashioned right-wing kind. Well, at least you lot have always said what you think of us. You don’t hide behind a thin veneer of self righteous savior complex to justify and excuse your hatred. So kudos for that. Shame you used a throwaway account though. Can’t really give you points for having the balls to come off of anon if you use a throwaway account. Then again, you might be a leftie, because the horseshoe has become a circle these days.

7. Yes. Words on the internet are oppressing me, but they are not doing so in isolation. The words on the internet are part of public discourse which has become overwhelmingly antisemitic in the past two years. Being surrounded by language like this online and in real life is severely damaging my quality of life and sense of safety and my belief in the trustworthiness of my fellow human beings. I am afraid to attend publicized Jewish events like local Jewish film festivals, meet ups, or other social events in fear of being attacked. I am afraid to participate in queer groups or social justice events like I used to before 10/7, because I am afraid of being harassed for being Jewish at them—many Jews have. I left my old city after being unable to drive to a cafe without seeing graffiti accusing all Jews of being genocidal and after my mom was harassed publicly by an aggressive man while being visibly Jewish. Are words on the Internet the sole source of my oppression? No. But are words on the Internet part of the oppression I face? Yes. And you have contributed to it here today. And you feel good about yourself for doing so. Because you have the power in this relationship. And you are using your systemic power to torment me. Because that is how oppression works: you have power and feel as though you deserve it and I don’t deserve it and you’re justified in maintaining that status quo, you piece of shit.

8. I may have to deal with bigots like you, but I have dignity and you do not. I say what I feel and think with my actual username and you do not. I am part of a community based on love and acceptance and mutual participation and respect and history and education and you don’t. Because if you did, you’d be engaging with them instead of harassing me. I’m happy to be me and not you. I’m happy to be visibly and vocally Jewish. I’m happy my world is full of love and support, and I’m sorry you have to anonymously send hate to people you’ve never met in order to get enough dopamine to make your life feel meaningful. I’m sorry you have so little joy in your life that you have to find it by doing whatever the fuck this was. I hope things get better for you. But also, as long as you behave this way, you’ll continue to feel this way. You’re a bad person. Because causing other people pain brings you joy. And clearly not even a lot of joy. What a horrible way to waste your precious, limited time on this planet.

9. Fuck you.

[thehypnone]

absolution live 2017/2023

here I am with my over 1,5k word autistic ramble about the differences between absolution live from 2017 and 2023. at the end there is an audio file of both versions put together, if anyone would be interested in that. it sound very cool heh

also tags for people who showed interest in this: @forest-rot @ghuleh-recs @counting-eyerolls @ngnt-writes @ghnosis @rain-ghoul-appreciator @sister-rosemary-marie

anyway, under the cut

I will start with an analysis of instruments and players separately, one by one, and then I’ll talk about the whole thing a little bit. Also I’m using only ghoul names in there, but when I’m talking about styles and skills I obviously mean the unmasked folks.

Both in 2017 and 2023 we have Mountain on drums, which gives us a very fun comparison opportunity. In 2017 he goes heavy on the cymbals—according to the original version of the song—but it makes the whole thing a bit too crashy and too clogged. The drums are very widely mixed and set—slightly focused on the left side following the stage layout from then—but I think the cymbals could be a bit quieter in comparison to the actual drums, especially the floor tom. In general we can hear how smaller Mountain’s kit was in 2017. In 2023 the entire drum part is sharper and deeper, more bassy and it’s focused more in the middle. The way it feels to me, in 2017 the drums are the background and in 2023 they are the core. Mountain has better fills in 2023, he obviously got more comfortable just jamming in there and having fun over the years.

Dewdrop on bass in 2017; we can hear (or at least I can) that he is not a bassist. He scrapes his pick on the strings a lot which is connected to him being primarily a guitarist—it’s about the picking hand placement and angle. The bass is pretty quiet and it has overdrive on it. It helps conceal his buzzing a little bit, because it happens a fair amount for Dewdrop. Again—bass is not his main instrument. We can also hear exactly when he slams it, like we know he loves doing. In general sometimes he’s quieter and sometimes he’s louder and it’s mostly caused by his picking; how he angles his hand in certain moments and how much strength he puts into it. At the end he goes absolutely feral. Not surprising.

Rain in 2023 is amazing. He’s very skilled, and it’s a huge shame Ghost doesn’t have any songs that could really allow him to show off. He hit his cue a bit too fast at one point, but it might as well be intentional. He’s so much clearer and cleaner, both due to his skills and the settings. Rain has more drop, he most likely has his bass on a different pickup setup than Dewdrop, plus they used different basses—Rain’s with additional mods. One of those mods is a very heavy bridge—Badass Bass—and I bet we can thank that piece for the sustain and note definition in Rain’s playing. In general it flows more, fits into the whole image better. His changes in volume are controlled, not accidental like it happens for Dewdrop. Rain puts more slides, tiny additions and note changes into his live playing, it makes it a bit more lively to me. He’s put perfectly in the middle, nicely blended with the drums.

Unfortunately there isn’t much I can say about Ifrit, Dewdrop, Aether and Phantom mainly because “Absolution” isn’t really a guitar focused song and so it isn't the best song to compare guitar skills, either. The most interesting part—guitar wise—is the solo and little fills on the rhythm now and then.

Ifrit is very precise, I couldn’t hear any mistakes from him, but also the lead is surprisingly quiet in general. His palm muting is on spot, pull-offs and hammer-ons both in the chorus and the solo are very clean and he is simply a pro, he’s got super skills and I wish we could’ve gotten more (</3). He makes the whole song as lively as his stage personality, it sounds flowy but packed with emotions and still so precise it hurts.

Dewdrop’s sound is way better, though he and Ifrit are close skill wise. The difference between Hagstrom Fantomen and Fender Stratocaster is a big one, the main aspect that we can hear is the sharpness of the former and more grounded sound of the latter. Those two guitars also have a very different pickup arrangements—Dew’s strat has SSS (3x single-coils) pickups and he uses the bridge one (which is a Seymour Duncan Hot Rail), and the Fantomen’s has HH (two humbuckers that can be slip, but as far as I’m aware no ghoul used that feature), also with the bridge one used more frequently. In “Absolution” Dewdrop doesn’t add very much—as he does to some other songs—so it’s pretty much the same as the original version. There are small differences that inherently come with his style and that is what makes his version differ from both Ifrit’s and the album's, but it’s all very slight. Dew also makes a very good use of his pedals, mainly wah—especially at the end.

Aether is a bit off tempo in some parts. He plays well, mostly clean, but we can pick out some slight mistakes—mostly sounds that aren’t supposed to be there. His palm muting is a bit too light. He goes heavy on the pick which makes his part of the solo a bit sharp (especially that he’s playing the higher harmony) and square-ish. The sharpness is, again, something we can partially blame on the Fantomen. Only partially because both Ifrit and Phantom prove that it’s manageable. 

Phantom is very clean, he adds a lot of slides which is a feature of his personal style. Said style of his is very lively and fun, to me it sounds and feels like a slinky (don’t laugh at me it’s the autism). He’s more fluid both in the solo and the rest of the song than Aether, but makes one—barely noticeable—mistake in the solo where he misses a note.

Also Phantom and Dewdrop in 2023 are more in sync than Aether and Ifrit in 2017. For whatever reason.

Now keyboard; Zephyr goes absolutely ham on the keys, but it is a piano song so that’s not only understandable, but also desirable, I would say. Key’s are in the right ear with slight migration to the middle when it matters, again according to the stage layout. Their precision and speed and overall skill is insane, the ending when they go wild is the most impressive part, because the song itself doesn’t give many opportunities. If you haven’t seen a video of Zephyr playing that ending you gotta do it now because it really is insane (RIP to that Nord Stage 2 though). The synth fill before the solo in 2017 is played back, in 2023 it’s played live by Cirrus.

In 2023 Cirrus plays the main chorus keyboard part, it can be heard easily on the left side (so once again stage layout accordingly). It’s clean and precise, she’s also very skilled, but unfortunately doesn’t really show off at the end like Zephyr does. Cumulus plays some chords before the solo while Cirrus plays the synth fill.

Vocals are not my thing so I’m only going to say what most of us can hear; Terzo is very nasal, but cleaner, and sings a bit higher. Clear pronunciation, good flow. It’s closest to Tobias’ normal singing voice. Copia is even more nasal, more growly and raspy. They’re both, obviously, in the middle in case of mixing.

Backing vocals in 2017 are all play-back for obvious reasons—pretty simple, taken straight off of the album recording. It’s put on the left, but it could be more favorable in the middle. 2023 is way more spectacular thanks to—mainly—the backing vocals. They are 90% Aurora and Cumulus, with lower levels of Cirrus and barely anything of Swiss. He’s louder by the end. I’m still conflicted about the growls—if it is Swiss or Papa’s play-back—but it’s a great addition that was very mild in 2017’s play-back. The backing vocals are on the sides, accordingly to the stage layout. It all just adds more spice, I adore them.

Sound engineering and mixing is so much better in 2023. We can easily tie it to the budget (though I’d like to “blame” it on Hayden’s part in the engineering, he’s a mastermind, too). The sound is much clearer and fluid than in 2017, it highlights all the instruments perfectly at the same time. Mixing in 2017 is more blunt, it’s a bit duller and some changes in volumes and placements of instruments could—or even should—be made. It doesn’t mean 2017 sucks—far from it—it’s just a technical difference which actually warms my heart if we look at how far has Ghost come. So, once again, considering the budget in 2017 vs. 2023 it’s all understandable. Also the crowd sound control in 2023 is very fun; it makes a great use of all the yelling causing the whole song to sound warmer and fuller.

Both 2017 and 2023 are on the exact same tempo, they can be put over each other perfectly (which I did). They slide apart at the end and the break before the outro is longer in 2023. The 2023 outro itself is pretty boring in comparison to 2017, most likely because in 2023 it’s not a closing song. Below there’s both “Absolutions” over each other; 2023 in the left and 2017 in the right headphone.