#Also barty???

[olivers-cocoapuffs]

Barty: I can’t believe James drove out here and told those people to call him if they ever planned on selling their house, just because I thought it was nice

Barty: *tearing up* who does that?

Regulus: good people. Good people do things like that. Hence the reason we don’t understand it

[until-the-house-shakes]

In every universe where Regulus helps raise Harry (or Teddy) this interaction has happened at least once

Regulus: barty? Why are you he-

Barty: where is he?

Regulus: who?

Barty: my best friend. Where is he?

Regulus: evan isn’t her-

Barty: no!! My BEST friend.

*Harry and/or Teddy enters*: BATTY!!!

Barty: MY BEST FRIEND!!!!

[managone16]

Barty: Oi Potter! I have a brilliant plan. James: By all means, Crouch, go ahead. Barty: So you know how Regulus is your boyfriend? James: I think I'm aware, yeah. Barty: So um, I have permission to kiss you. James: Er-what? Barty: I want to kiss you. James: Why? Barty: To fuck with Reg. James: You are NOT fucking Reg- Barty: Not like that! Salazar! *Grabs James' face and kisses him* Barty: YOU OWE ME 100 GALLEONS EVAN!! AND A TATTOO ON YOU WITH MY NAME!! James: *Staring at Reg dumfounded* Regulus and Evan: *Glaring daggers at James*

[starsmacabray]

“how can you hate snape but love barty crouch jr?”

first of all snape isn’t cunty OR babygirl

[deswhomst]

regulus supported all of barty’s rights and wrongs but the moment he found out that barty let a house elf take the blame for his fuck up and get fired, it was on sight

[billsbae]

the main reason i was (and i am) so obsessed with the idea of jegulus raising harry and pandalily raising luna is that in this au we could have crazy and immature uncles barty and evan for both of them. we could just have rosekiller with luna, which is awesome, but i can't stop imagining how feral harry would be if barty and evan took part in raising him

[star4daisy]

14/02 I valentine I 715 words I @rosekillermicrofic

(@ecstarry, @del-stars, @moon-seas and for @v7lgar, hope it makes you laugh once you wake up, darling)

“And after all that, James showed up with a huge bouquet and my favourite chocolate to ask me to be his Valentine,” Regulus told Dorcas and Pandora who were listening avidly to his every word.

“How romantic,” Pandora sighed.

Barty frowned. “Wait, haven’t you two been dating for months already?”

“So what?” Regulus asked defensively.

“So why would he need to ask you to be his Valentine? Wasn’t it a given?”

His friends scowled at him. “No, you have to ask even if you’re dating.”

Barty had never heard of that before. “Nah, no way.”

“Wait, does this mean you haven’t asked Evan yet?” Regulus realised.

“Of course not,” Barty scoffed. “We’re dating, he knows he’s my bloody valentine.”

“Does he?” Pandora challenged.

Barty froze. If any of his other friends had said it he’d think they were taking the piss, but this was Pandora — Evan’s twin sister — privy to information he never was when it came to his boyfriend's mind. “Did he say anything?” he asked with uncertainty.

“He didn’t have to.” Pandora shrugged, but she had her famous innocent smile that was anything but, her eyes twinkled in amusement. Barty wanted to shake her, to kneel at her feet and beg to know every thought that passed through Evan’s mind. “But if you didn’t ask, then I’m sure others did.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Barty stood up. “He’s my boyfriend, he can’t be anyone else’s Valentine.”

“Well if you didn’t bother to ask…” She singsonged.

“Shut up, that’s not a thing. You’re all trying to prank me.”

“When have we ever?” Dorcas rolled her eyes at him. “I asked Marlene, it was very sweet and pretty sure Lily asked Dora too.”

Pandora nodded, smiling at the memory of her girlfriend's surprise.

“Even Sirius asked Remus,” Regulus added up. “You’re the only one valentineless.”

“I’m not valentineness, or whatever the fuck, I’m going to Hogsmeade with Evan.”

“Does he know that?” Regulus challenged.

“Of course he does,” Barty got defensive. “We always go together.”

“If you say so.” 

“I do.” Barty started pacing.

“Never hurts to make sure, though.” Dorcas pointed out.

She did make a good argument and it wasn’t like Barty was just waiting for an excuse to stop being stubborn and make sure his boyfriend hadn’t accepted anyone else’s invitation.

“You’re right.”

“I always am,” she bragged.

Barty rolled his eyes but didn’t wait to argue, he had things to do, his person to woo. He was almost out the door when Pandora interrupted him. “Wait, how are you asking him?”

“I’m coming up to him and doing it.” Obviously.

“Poor, Evan.” Regulus shook his head in solidarity.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It has to be special, Barty. You can’t just ask.” Dorcas spoke to him like he was a small child.

“Of course I can.”

“Then he might not accept.” Pandora pointed out.

“He has to. We’re dating.” Barty tried not to stomp his foot.

“Not if you don’t ask properly.”

“Oh, fuck off. You’re having me on.”

“Nope, you need to give him his favourite things too, make it big,” Regulus told him. 

“Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. How am I supposed to make him a big surprise?”

“We’ll help,” Dorcas reassured him.

“Yeah,” Pandora smiled sweetly. “That’s what friends are for.”

“Thanks, guys.” Barty was touched.

Not so much though when his friends convinced him to spell roses to fall on Evan once he entered the Common Room to be greeted by Barty holding his favourite French chocolate with floating words spelling ‘Will you be my Valentine?’

As if he didn’t feel stupid enough, Evan’s eyes almost popped out of his head when he saw him. “Oh, that’s today?” he asked in confusion.

Barty froze. His so-called friends laughed. And he promised revenge in the near future. He knew they had to have been making fun of him, but the fear of not having Evan by his side had won out in the end. That was what he got for believing them.

"Tomorrow," Barty corrected. "You're going to Hogsmeade with me."

It wasn't a question.

Evan frowned. "Who else would I go with?"

Barty was going to kill Pandora. And Regulus and Dorcas for good measure.

But then Evan kissed him. Anything but his lips was forgotten.

[lunarlivs]

some lilybarty rot <33!

[mudkip-enthusiast18]

there’s something so special about best friends to lovers, inseparable from the moment they met, bicker and annoy each other like an old married couple, tease each other incessantly, love each other so insanely deeply and devotedly, oh so soft in private, can never not be touching each other, everyone already thinks they’re dating ages before they actually get together, soulmate ships,,,,

[swag696942069]

Evan is Morticia Addams and Barty is Gomez Addams. I don't make the rules 🤷🏻‍♀️

[calamitoustide]

like okay rosestarkillerchaser starting out as bartylus and jevan is messy like when it's jeg and rosekiller they're established relationships so it's different but the other way around... it's not that at all

jevan are friends with benefits who refuse to believe there's anything else between them (there is) meanwhile bartylus are together but also they aren't like it's so much easier to put them in that little box and everyone around them does but they aren't "boyfriends" in the way everyone else views them that doesn't stop them from being possessive as shit (especially on barty's side of things)

so when they see each other in a random bar bartylus are dancing but regulus' eyes are fully on james and he doesn't look away and evan's looking over at barty and they all think the others are in relationships because well... they're all jealous as shit despite wanting to get in the others pants like james won't let barty touch evan but he wants to touch regulus and barty won't let him get anywhere near him but he pulls evan into the bathroom to stick his hand down his pants

they're all competing and it's not like they are actually cheating because none of them are exclusive but it feels like they are and everyone likes everyone but no one is saying anything and it's all just a mess.... but also that's what rosestarkillerchaser is meant to be

[maxxipadfoot]

cunty eldritch horror evan rosier and indie sleazebag barty crouch jr oh how i love you

[st4rboyloser]

Regulus who’s afraid of people leaving like Sirius did so he pushes them away first

Barty and Evan who are stubborn as hell and would not leave him the hell alone

James who got him to lower his guard, only to let Regulus push him away after he got the dark mark

Barty and Evan being with him still and joining the death eaters too, not letting him go through it alone

[bri-cheeses]

Sometimes I imagine James meeting the rest of the Skittles for the first time and Barty is in Evan’s lap and Evan’s arm is around his waist but no one’s commenting on it or even side-eyeing them, and they’re all acting like this is completely, utterly, one hundred percent normal. And James is fully confused because he didn’t think that they were dating or anything so why are they doing that?

[deswhomst]

Regulus was horrible at remembering important dates like birthdays and anniversaries but he tried to make an effort for his friends and used to note the dates down.

When he wished Barty a happy birthday, Barty was very happy initially that Regulus remembered. Regulus told him about having it in his calendar (thinking that Barty would feel special) but Barty got super upset at that. They eventually fought and Barty admitted that his own father didn’t know his birthday and had to refer to his calendar so it becomes meaningless. After that, Regulus memorized the date (which was hard for him) and it remained the only date he knew.

Regulus also drowned himself that day.

[corwnvus]

Rosekiller again... I'm not sorry