#Also I use Apple Music so it looks a little funky

[iwannascreameurekaa]

Guys I think I just might like valgrace

[gravitycavity]

[Preview] Sunshine - Chapter 5

Hey guys! Thank you for your patience while I write chapter 5. This chapter might take longer than usual, so I wanted to give you all a longer-than-usual preview to make up for it. I hope you enjoy it!

For context, Pomni and Ragatha are in a ballroom inside of the haunted mansion. They're locked inside and looking for a key to escape, but aren't having very much luck. Having tried everything, they decide to take a break.

Also Ragatha is sitting in a chair. Pomni found her a comfy one :)

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

The long, dusty boxes that Pomni had already sifted through still laid in a messy pile beside the antique chest. Pomni never was very good at putting things back where she found them.

Sighing, she opened the nearest one and cautiously unfurled the bulky scroll stored inside. A series of small, perfectly-cut holes stretched across the yellowed paper. Some existed in isolation, while others were grouped together into long lines — as if a leaf-munching insect had eaten its way through the fragile material.

Pomni’s tonge prodded the inside of her cheek. “Ragatha? You said you played the…” her gaze flicked aside, “...violin, right?”

“Violoncello.” Ragatha deadpanned. “Why?”

“Well, I was just wondering — since you’re a musician, do you have any clue what these weird rolls of paper are for? They seem related to the piano somehow, but…”

“I thought you would never ask!” Ragatha gasped, clasping her hands together. “Those funky bundles of paper are called piano rolls!”

The redhead had responded to Pomni’s question in plain English, but the baffled look on the jester’s face suggested otherwise.  

Ragatha continued. “Back in the day, these were used to play piano tunes without the need for a human performer. Each one plays a different song when loaded into a player piano.”

“Player piano…?”

“Oh, right. Sorry!” Ragatha shuffled her feet, “That’s a special type of piano that plays itself. I’m not quite sure how it works either. But back to the topic at hand — see those little holes cut into the paper? Each one represents one music note. As the roll slowly unfurls, a sensor reads them and tells the machine which keys to strike.”

“Ohh…” Pomni ran her fingers across the parade of perforations that spanned the scroll. Slowly, she nodded. “...So it’s like a music box?”

“Now you’re getting it!” Ragatha beamed. The look on her face as she watched the concept click in Pomnis’ head was a painting of pure joy; was it any wonder that she had worked as a teacher prior to her captivity? 

Pomni sighed. She planted an elbow on the old chest and cradled her cheek against her palm. “Your students must have loved you...” 

“Well, I did receive my fair share of apples.” Ragatha shrugged. “Never had to pack a lunch.”

“Wait, seriously…? That’s a real thing?”

“No. Not really.”

A silly smile teased its way onto Pomni’s lips. Heart stumbling, she turned away, fingers unconsciously fiddling with the old chest’s loosened lock. “S-So, um, is there anything else you can tell me…?” 

“Nah — telling is overrated. In my classroom, I always liked to take a hands-on approach.” Ragatha said. She admired the antique instrument seated on the far end of the stage. “There’s a player piano right there. Why don’t you give it a whirl, Sunshine?”

Pomni felt her whole body melting, all the way down to her soul. Sunshine. She was putty in the ragdoll’s hands. 

“S-Sure thing! I’ll find a good one!” Just about tearing the lid off of the antique chest, she rifled through its tightly-packed contents with purpose, scrutinizing the faded titles printed on each box. She didn’t recognize a single song, much less any of their long-dead composers, so it was anyone's guess as to what the music would actually sound like. She may as well have just swiped a roll at random — and, as a matter of fact, that’s exactly what she did. 

Pomni set the bulky scroll inside the automatic piano after a bit of clumsy fumbling — and more than a little help from Ragatha. With the flip of a switch, the paper started spinning, and the premier notes of a lofty, leisurely tune stirred to life beneath the ballroom’s vaulted ceiling. 

Pomni’s fingers drew circles on the mechanical piano’s smooth, wood grain exterior. For a moment, she forgot where she was, utterly fascinated by the simple elegance of the century-old contraption. 

It was funny. The long-forgotten piece it played, humbly subtitled ‘a ragtime two-step’, had set her up to expect something more peppy and up-tempo. As the piano roll steadily unfurled, however, the melodic constellations impressed upon the paper sang a far different tune. 

It was the type of jaunty music one would expect to accompany a silent film, just…polished. Refined. All of the musical tropes of the era were present — the driving bassline, the active, syncopated melody — but the piece’s dignified pace and finely-crafted harmonies would have sounded out of place in a rowdy saloon. 

Here in the ballroom, though, the old-fashioned tune was right at home — at least, that’s what the haunted furniture seemed to think. 

Looking impressed, Pomni tapped her foot, wholly oblivious to the perplexing scene unfolding behind her. “Hm. Not bad.” She remarked, turning to face Ragatha, “To tell you the truth, I actually kind of ohmygodwhat’sgoingon—”

Pomni stumbled backwards, then forwards, then backwards again into Ragatha’s chair. The ballroom’s inanimate denizens — the one-hundred-odd tables and chairs scattered across its marble floor —  moved all on their own, dancing in time with the mellow melody. A backing band of squeaking wood and clinking plates added a percussive flair to the player piano’s charming, just-slightly-detuned sound. 

Ragatha, for her part, was busy cracking up at Pomni’s complete and utter bewilderment. With a quick breath, she managed to compose herself. “Well, when in Rome…” The ghost of a giggle still lingered in her tone as she offered up her hand to the crumpled heap of a woman at her feet, “Shall we?”

Pomni let out a mousy squeak. “H-Huh?” She flinched, head feeling light, dots flitting across her vision, “But—”

“Come on. Don’t make me beg.” Ragatha batted her eyes, “It’s unladylike.”

Pomni blushed. She couldn’t argue with that. Without a word, she swallowed, shuddering like a frightened animal as she reached for Ragatha’s pretty hand.

Her fingers curled snugly around the ragdoll’s plush, doughy hand. Both women’s palms — one big, one small — fit together perfectly.

Pomni slid her other arm behind Ragatha’s back, powerless to stop the little whimpers sneaking out of her as she lifted the lightweight woman into her arms. For a moment, their faces were close enough to feel each other’s warmth — and it took every ounce of restraint Pomni had to resist asking: ‘Can I please kiss you?’.

With a brief, peppy fanfare, the music transitioned to a new section; the enchanted furniture, as if controlled by a single mind, adapted its routine in perfect sync. 

“I, um…” Pomni’s heart sank at the sight. This stupid furniture was making her look bad. “I don’t really know how to dance…” She winced the thought, and then at the sight of Ragatha’s grave injuries, “And even if I did, how are we supposed to—”

“Shh.” Ragatha’s thumb glided across the back of Pomni’s hand. “Just…hold me. Please.”

Pomni exhaled. 

Holding her dolly close, the jester closed her eyes, synchronizing her trembling breaths with every other downbeat. Her foot matched the two-step’s gentle pulse, and before she knew it, her whole body was swaying to the rhythm.

Ragatha nestled her head against Pomni’s chest; a blissful sigh escaped her shuddering smile. The tension in her body dissipated note-by-note, phrase-by-phrase, as her darling rocked her back and forth, here and there, to and fro. 

[sleepingdeath-light]

neighbour in need ; wally darling

requested by ; an ao3 user

word count ; 1074

content ; sensory overload, casual comfort, echolalia/vocal stims

fandom ; welcome home

pairing ; wally darling x gender neutral autistic reader

note ; struggled a lot with writing this one, particularly with portraying the issues with sensory overload as, whilst i do experience overstimulation myself, it’s not something i’ve ever written for until now. so that aspect might be a tad shaky — apologies if that’s the case.

warning(s) ; brief (italicised and crossed out) references to the horror-based origins of the canon — watching/being watched at all times and having an audience the characters can’t see

read also on ; ao3

You shouldn't have come here, you should have listened to your gut and stayed home where it was quiet and calm and safe. Where you didn't have to be subjected to music so loud it drowned out your thoughts and food so crackly and obscene that it made your hair stand on end as it was eaten by the other guests. Where the chairs were just soft enough and not scratchy to the point that you felt like tearing your skin off and where you could easily flee and hide in the comfort of your own room without the fear of judgement. Where you could control what was going on rather than just being a bystander.

Of course you weren't upset at Julie for including you, she was a dear friend after all and it was hardly her fault that things got a bit out of hand, but you wished that for once the neighbourhood gatherings could be held in a quieter manner. One without raucous laughter and booming records and squeaky recliners and conversations that had to turn into shouting matches in order for anybody to be heard over all of the other noise. It was a cacophony: painful, overwhelming, overstimulating and out of tune. Even the music on the vinyl kept skipping and scratching for all of the damage the track had sustained over the many years of use.

It was all just... too much.

Before long it had overwhelmed you so deeply that you couldn't even will yourself to move — you could barely think, even. Mind fogged and staticky and filled with noise, noise, noise so loud that your thoughts morphed from words to whispers to nothing in your own head. Too blank to think of any proper solution as you defaulted to curling in on yourself: clamping your hands over your ears so tightly that your wrists were starting to tremble, ducking your head between your knees and almost melting into Julie's hot pink loveseat — the other guests far too caught up in their games and conversations and arguments to even realise what was happening.

All except one.

————

Wally Darling had been keeping an eye on you since you stepped through Julie’s front door — meaning to compliment you on your funky new outfit before Barnaby dragged him into a discussion about apples and oranges that he just had to participate in. So the moment you started curling up like a disco-themed pillbug, he began to politely excuse himself from the argument with the excuse of needing to get some air.

Now, of course, that was a bit of a white lie (one which he didn’t feel good about using), but he let himself off about it as he made quick work of sneaking through the crowd and approaching your little corner of the party.

‘Hey neighbour, is everything okay?’ He asked, squatting down slightly so that he could get a look at your face through the small gap between your legs. When he didn’t get a response after just shy of a minute, Wally continued. ‘I was just about to go on a short walk outside where it’s nice and cold and quiet, do you want to join me?’

And then you gave him a nod — small and brief and barely noticeable, but that was all the encouragement he needed to gently grasp your hand and lead you outside. Well, lead you outside after giving you a couple of moments to get out of your awkward sitting position.

But a success is a success no matter how much time it takes to get there, Wally reasoned to himself, so he didn’t much mind the extra wait (and, by a wonderful happenstance, it took you to the end of his favourite ABBA song which he was quite appreciative of).

————

Every step you took away from Julie's home lessened the tension in your body more and more — muscles relaxing and breathing getting easier as you traversed the winding gravel pathway into the centre of your neighbourhood. Static flowed out of your mind like syrup from a tap (gradually but without issue) at the same time that that ungodly ringing left your aching ears. It was relieving, freeing even, and you could feel yourself starting to feel present and grounded again for the first time in hours.

It was just so peaceful, so far removed from where you were before, that you couldn't help but relax. Hell, between the rustling of leaves and the chirping of local birds you were able to find your voice again — repeating the calls of loons and sandpipers beneath your breath and humming in the back of your throat as you half-listened to what your short neighbour was saying (you thought you heard him talking about apples or something like that but you couldn't really be certain).

Though, thankfully, Wally seemed to understand that you weren't in much of a mood for talking — he always seemed to know these things somehow — and continued to just absentmindedly fill you in on his day whilst he walked with you, hand-in-hand, back to your home.

'... and then, neighbour, you won't believe what he said. He said that apples don't even taste that good — can you believe it?' you hummed and he nodded in an almost solemn way, blue hair bouncing dramatically up and down in the corner of your eye as he moved, before he continued. 'I couldn't either. Honestly I was at a loss for words, I guess that some people just can't appreciate good food...'

And he trailed off once again, going on a tangent about Barnaby and Howdy and the various food related shenanigans he'd involved himself in earlier that week which was, naturally, equal parts ridiculous and amusing as he recalled each incident to you. Some particularly vivid images even coaxing some brief bouts of laughter from you as you stumbled and skipped and walked further down that winding path home — one image of note including an upside down Wally, two armfuls' worth of apples, and a very unhappy Howdy who had caught him in the middle of this particular act of theft.

So you laughed and he chuckled (and you could have sworn you heard raucous, child-like shrieks of joy emanating from beyond the forest line) and you walked all the way back home — thankful, as always, that your dear neighbour was (always watching) always there to lend a hand.

He really was the absolute most!

[kindheart525]

Do you have any really silly mane six headcanons

Twilight Sparkle once smoked weed during her equivalent of college and to this day is terrified that Celestia will find out (Celestia already knows)

Twilight has very little knowledge of memes and her friends frequently have to explain new slang to her before she causes political scandals (“no Twilight ‘kys’ does not mean ‘keep yourself safe’”)

Much like a real horse, Twilight often falls asleep standing up during her late-night stress & study sessions. Spike has had to wake her up and tell her to go to bed numerous times

Twilight was that kid who reminded her teachers there was homework when they forgot. Her classmates didn’t really like her for that

Her love life is very…active lol, including when she’s in a stable and committed relationship (like active within that relationship not as a serial cheater). She loves learning new techniques if you catch my drift

Fluttershy is surprisingly confident when she’s attracted to someone, and when she’s in a committed relationship she has a lot of fun facts about animal mating patterns to share with them for…no particular reason

Unlike Twilight, Flutters is surprisingly well-versed in memes because she’s learned a lot from Discord (and also Treehugger). She doesn’t really understand the humor in all of them but she’s aware of them

(In a universe where FlutterCord is canon) She had to absolutely fight for her life in the Mane 6 meetups when she told her friends she was dating/crushing on him

Daring Do eventually loses popularity, partly because so many of her books involve actual artifact theft and social attitudes have changed, and partly because ponies just moved on to newer book series. Rainbow Dash still remains her biggest die-hard fan even when she looks pathetic doing so

Rainbow Dash acts like a big baby every time Tank hibernates for the rest of her life (he outlives her) but after the first few years it’s kind of silly

This isn’t an idea I came up with but I really like all the jokes about RD writing really bad fanfiction, and it’s a headcanon I subscribe to

(Mostly a joke because I do ship her with mares outside of my next gens) Rainbow Dash is straight but has a lot of mares asking her out because of her mane, and it’s hard to get stallions because they also think she’s gay. She also has a hard time relating to her friends who all like mares

RD doesn’t take good care of her hooves because she flies all the time and forgets to trim them due to not walking very much. Because of this, they look funky and overgrown and her friends kind of clown on her for it

When she’s older, Rainbow Dash wrecks some of her joints trying to do stunts that she did when she was younger (like carrying her “little” sister). She has the worst midlife crisis out of all her friends

When Rarity was a filly, she used to create the most elaborate and dramatic plotlines with her dolls that easily measured up to any soap opera, with betrayals, love triangles, custody battles, the whole works

She enjoys listening to soul-crushingly sad music (like Marina’s discography) during her ice cream-crying sessions, in the process roleplaying a life much more dysfunctional than she has because it helps her cope with her actual problems. Also listens to that music in a good mood if she needs to be inspired for a certain fashion piece

She overstocks her supplies to a sometimes comical extent, like she has 400 refills for her bedazzler machine. How does she have room for all that stuff? A lady never reveals her secrets, darling✨

Applejack loves singing country songs like “Thank God I’m A Country Colt” and “International Harvester” at the top of her lungs, they literally never fail to get her hyped up

(In a human context, ignoring Equestria Girls) it took her awhile to learn that Apple Bloom had TikTok and other social media accounts because she only uses Facebook on her clunky home computer

AJ is incapable of enjoying any kind of sitcom because she’s always poking holes in the plot. Her least favorite storylines are the “caught in a lie” and general miscommunication tropes

She also can’t watch well-written, dramatic tv shows either if any of the characters behave dishonestly (such as Breaking Bad)

Pinkie and Cheese once performed “Amish Paradise” for her parents and sisters (even in universes where they aren’t a couple). Reactions were VERY mixed

Also some of my “how they explain the birds and the bees to their kids” headcanons for my next gens are pretty funny

Fluttershy is really good at explaining the whole life cycle (including reproduction and death) because taking care of so many animals means she’s seen it all. Nothing squicks her out anymore. She explains things matter-of-factly but gently as she guides her little ones through various examples involving her animals.

Twilight would do a good job and be comfortable with it but she would also go overboard, giving a college-level lecture about the full reproductive process when her 10 year old daughter only wanted to know what going into heat meant. Twi’s partner calls Fluttershy in to help for the kid’s sake.

Rarity buys her daughter the pony equivalent of those Care & Keeping of You books (and her son gets the male equivalent of those books). She uses those books to bond with her kids over “becoming a mare/stallion.”

Applejack is very overprotective of Apple Bloom and probably procrastinated on giving her “the talk” only to find out that AB already learned from the other CMC (especially Scoot “left completely unsupervised 24/7” aloo /hj). A similar deal would probably happen with her own kids as well unless her partner is better about it. Even though, years before, Granny Smith was very straight with AJ like “ya wanna know how our new batch of chicks was made?”

Pinkie isn’t uncomfortable with the talk at all, except her explanation gets so convoluted and off topic that her kids go off to ask someone else.

Rainbow Dash says “go ask your father”

[slashersteve]

iii. winter

part three of confetti ✦ previous part ✦ series masterlist ✦ archive link

pairing: Single Dad!Steve Harrington/Female Reader

summary: As Hawkins enters the winter months, Steve starts thinking seriously about his romantic relationships - past and potential future ones - and isn’t sure he’s ready to let someone become a serious part of his and Cassie’s life. The problem is…he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about you.

warnings/extra tags: cursing, mentions of alcohol, the softest vanilla SMUT I’ve ever written like it's pretty vague but still enough to be considered nsfw so read at your own discretion, surprise character appearances, a parent trap alskjaskja, angsty tm so beware, daddy steve being my (your) beloved, go give @gothbitchshit a bouquet of flowers for dealing with me and these ridiculously long chapters, edited by me have mercy this chapter has been the beautiful bane of my existence

note: i publicly apologize for this being posted well into spring. Not to be a basic author note but *insert the horrors and atrocities right here* i also apologize in advance for something else in the end...anyway, I hope you all enjoy this extra long chapter of single daddy steve 💙

✦✦✦

Cassie loved the mall. 

She really just enjoyed the vibrant colors of it as it was the complete opposite color scheme of Hawkins itself. It was bright, and always full, and lively, especially when Christmas was just around the corner. If Cassie were being honest though, she would say she enjoyed going to Starcourt because her dad would get her ice cream every time, even on a day like this where snow covered the ground outside.

Also, it meant she could get the full day to be with her dad, even if he was busy behind the ice cream counter in his silly sailor uniform, complete with the white hat that read “AHOY” across the front that he’d somehow stuff his hair under. 

Cassie was given a matching one, but it sat on the table top of the booth she was currently sitting in, headphones placed over her head instead. She was nodding her head to the music, kicking her feet out to its funky beat. She hadn’t quite memorized the songs by title, rather by sound but she liked this one the most; really she liked all of them. 

It had all she had been listening to since Steve had given her your walkman you gifted her, and Cassie had been waiting on another mixtape from you (she had practically begged you when she last saw you last week, which was at a school presentation for school safety, she remembers…she also remembers looking over and seeing her dad pushing people just to stand by you).

In front of her was her over break homework packet, her math homework to be specific. Cassie prided herself in being good at it, having been applauded by her teacher Mrs. Holland numerous times in class. There were hardly any red marks on homework when it was returned to her, too, something her dad was always impressed by when she’d bring it back to him, especially if he hadn't helped her at all, so she wasn’t planning on falling behind. 

She counted away at the images of the apples. This particular section she was working on was on addition and she meticulously counted them all together with her candy cane themed pencil her teacher had passed out to the class the week prior. 

One…two…three…four…  

Twenty-two, there were twenty-two apples. She filled it in on the empty box behind the equal sign. 

The patrons were used to seeing Cassie here on occasion, though every so often somebody who was not from Hawkins and visiting from a neighboring town (as Starcourt was quite popular because of its size), would look at her and wonder why a little girl was sitting all by herself. 

If they asked Cassie, she’d simply point to her dad behind the counter and say, “I’m not alone! My daddy is right here!” Then, Steve would wave at her, and the person would awkwardly walk off. That was the typical Saturday spent at Scoops Ahoy, but today something different would happen, something neither Cassie nor Steve were expecting just a week before Christmas. 

In the middle of Cassie’s music playing, someone had taken off her headphones. She had gasped, feeling her heart jump out of her chest with fear and confusion as to what happened- she hardly got upset, and her streak still stands as the moment she turned to see who had done such a thing, her irritation vanished. 

“Robin!” Cassie shouted at the sight of the sandy blonde haired woman. She smiled widely at Cassie, opening her arms just as the little girl hopped into them, “I didn’t know you were coming!” 

“Long time no see, huh Tiny Harrington?” Robin Buckley had said, embracing Cassie warmly as it had been a while since she last saw her favorite child, “Where’s your dad? Is he- oh come on .” 

Her blue eyes darted to Steve behind the counter, not remembering the last time she’d seen Steve in the ridiculous Scoops Ahoy uniform they had to wear the summer they became unlikely friends. Cassie giggled, taking Robin’s hand in hers and leading her toward the counter. Steve had yet to see them, too focused on making a U.S.S. Butterscotch (complete with some peppermint candy swirls for the Holidays). He hadn't even heard Cassie shout Robin’s name so excitedly. 

Robin looked down at Cassie, placing a finger over her lips then winking at her as she rang the bell by the counter. Cassie giggled, but suppressed it as she didn’t want to alarm her dad.

“Be right with you,” Steve called back to her, and Robin scoffed and rang it again…then again…and then again. Steve’s shoulder’s visibly became tense, and he let out an exasperated sigh before he started to turn around. 

“Alright, alright what can I-” he stopped when his eyes fell upon Robin, and she smirked at him, “Oh my god, you didn’t tell me you were coming, Robin? Holy shit-” 

“I wanted it to be a surprise- and it certainly is, ” Robin gestured to Steve and then the entire place as she said, “You’re working here ? I thought you said you got a third job last time we spoke.” 

Steve’s cheeks became flushed, embarrassed that Robin had caught him red handed like this. The truth was that Steve was actually hiding this job from Robin, keeping his third job he mentioned in passing to her whenever they spoke over the phone very vaguely . 

“Daddy started working here in the summer,” Cassie stated, outing Steve even more and Robin’s jaw dropped, “I like it because I get free ice cream! He can get you free ice cream too, you know!” 

Robin looked at Cassie and ruffled her hair, “I spent way too much time in this place, I’ll pass on the ice cream, so hey…that just means more ice cream for you.” 

Cassie looked confused, but with Robin’s final statement she grew more content and nodded eagerly at the idea of more ice cream. 

“So all summer you’ve been working here, slinging ice cream- wearing the hat - you hated that hat,” Robin said, gesturing to him. Steve licked his suddenly dry lips, and turned away from Robin to finish completing the U.S.S. Butterscotch sundae as he said, “I needed a third job, and the manager remembered me…” 

“No way. I thought he might have you on the ‘Never Working Here Again’ list after the summer you well- we got fired,” Robin chided, and Steve laughed sarcastically as he turned and placed the sundae down, calling out the name of the patron. They took it, a few younger girls, and thanked him shyly before running off giggling. Robin scoffed at that, and Steve appeared to not even notice they were clearly crushing on the sailor who worked at Scoops Ahoy.

“Yeah…actually I had to bring Cassie up and he decided to give me the job when I proved she existed…hence why I’m wearing the hat and following…stupid company policy to keep the damn- ahem- dang job,” Steve finally replied, admitting that part to Robin. Robin crossed her arms, knowing that to be true as she had told Steve he could probably bring up that he’s a single dad and get away with anything. 

“Well, I’m not judging,” Robin lied, and Steve knew it, “You just could’ve been honest about it.” 

She wondered what other things he had been keeping from her…

“How did you find me anyway?” Steve questioned, glancing down at Cassie who was gazing up at Robin with wonder and disbelief in her eyes that Robin was here. It made him smile softly before his eyes lifted back up to meet Robin’s.

“Are you kidding me…ask any mom at the grocery store and I can get your entire schedule,” Robin said. She laughed at Steve’s horrified expression at the idea of that and waved him off as she said, “Joking. I asked Mrs. K and she said to check Scoops Ahoy. And here you are…she just didn’t say you would be working here.” 

She looked around, feeling nostalgia come over her from the memories in this mall ice cream parlor. She remembered the dread of being put on shifts with Steve Harrington, once King of Hawkins High and all around asshole, and then…she remembered the warmer parts, ones where they actually became friends and she started to actually have fun working and talking with him. He was very different than she thought he would be, and if someone had told her that first day she put on the silly sailor uniform and prayed a meteor would hit and kill her before her first shift with Steve that she’d consider him her best friend in the future…she would’ve laughed then cried into her hands dramatically.

“Robin, Robin,” Cassie was grabbing her hand, “How long are you going to stay? Please say for like… months .” 

Robin smiled at Cassie and replied, “Sorry kiddo, I’m only here for a few days because I’ll start to miss my other favorite person, but before you get sad- I have a lot of things planned for us, including finding you an early Christmas gift. What do you say? Want to go check out some stores while your dad slings ice cream into cones?” 

Her brown eyes lit up, and she turned to her dad as she said, “Can I go with Robin, daddy?” 

Steve crossed his arms over his chest, and said, “Did you finish your homework?” 

Robin rolled her eyes for Cassie, but she had practically ran to the booth, and snatched the paper off of the table before running back and waving it in the air. Steve took it, giving it a once over, before he nodded. 

“Yeah, go ahead- make sure you stay with Robin though, Cass, you know how crazy Christmas shoppers could be,” he told Cassie with a pointed look, Cassie nodded again. 

“I will, I promise!” 

“You know I’d never let anything happen to her, Popeye,” Robin said, bringing back the infamous nickname from their Scoops Ahoy days. Steve visibly grimaced at being called that, but he nodded, knowing that out of everyone he could trust Robin with his daughter. 

“Great, then we’ll come back, we’ll all go out to eat- hopefully you have a change of outfit- then we’ll catch up, yeah?” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Steve replied with a nod. 

So, the two girls were off, Cassie holding on tightly to Robin’s hand and already talking her ear off (though Robin could give her a run for her money for sure) as they exited Scoops Ahoy together and entered the crowd of Starcourt Mall in search of a Christmas gift for Cassie. 

✧ ✧ ✧

Cassie had dragged Robin to a lot of stores in the span of an hour and half, so much that Robin’s feet were already killing her, but she held on for Cassie as she seemed very particular on what she wanted…except the little girl wasn’t really saying what it was exactly. 

“You clearly want something specific, Tiny, so come on- spit it out,” Robin told Cassie after the fifth store they came out with nothing. She didn’t want to rush her, actually loving spending this time with Cassie as it had been since the beginning of the year she had enough time to make the trip down here from New York. 

It was unusual for Cassie to not say what was on her mind, so whatever it was…Robin was insanely curious. 

“Is it something your dad won’t approve of?” Robin gasped when Cassie didn’t reply right away, “Oh- well now you gotta tell me.What is it?”

Cassie looked up at Robin with wide eyes as she said, “I want… roller skates , but I can’t skate and I’m scared that Santa knows that so he won’t get me them, but I really want them.” 

Robin did not expect that. Not at all. She stared at the little girl blankly, and for some reason the only use of roller skates she could think of was one of those outdoor hamburger places where the service workers wear skates. Do they do that still? Robin shook her head at her thought. 

“So you didn’t ask Santa for them because you thought he probably wouldn’t give you them because you can’t skate?” Robin asked for further clarification. Cassie nodded, looking actually sad about it. Robin hummed in thought, looking around Starcourt, trying to remember a store here that sold roller skates for kids before she settled her eyes on Cassie, “Well thank god I’m not Santa. Let’s go find you some, Tiny.” 

Cassie was actually the one to drag Robin to the store, very clearly having had her eye on some already. She was the one dragging Robin now, up until they got to this sport’s store Robin doesn’t remember ever being here. Cassie led her toward the roller skates, saying hello to the worker who greeted them when they walked in, and then she stopped in front of a mini display. 

They were purple skates with yellow flower designs on them and the wheels were a darker shade of purple. Very clearly they were training skates for kids like Cassie who want to learn. And, Robin noticed, they were also on sale , which is very, very common around the holidays and good for Robin. 

“Oh wow these are cute,” Robin complimented them and Cassie nodded excitedly.

“I saw them when my daddy brought us here to buy more shoes!” Cassie told Robin, “I really, really want them.” She pressed her hands against the display, and just then the same worker who had greeted them was approaching them. 

“Is there anything I can help you with?” they had asked Robin. She looked at them, then pointed to the skates, telling Cassie to give them her shoe size. The worker nodded, saying they’d be right back and for Cassie to take a seat. 

She did as told, hopping onto one of the chairs and Robin leaned on one leg, wondering where Cassie might’ve found a sudden interest in roller skating. It can’t have been Steve, both him and her were horrible at ice skating that one year when Cassie was only 4 they decided to go to the ice rink set up in Hawkins Downtown for the winter. And he seemed way too busy to have suddenly learned how to skate properly…

“So…roller skates huh? Why the sudden interest? Your dad’s not skating again right? Because he’s horrible at it,” Robin said just as the worker returned with the proper sized skates. Robin shooed them away, deciding that she would help Cassie get them on herself. She knelt down in front of the girl as Cassie kicked her snow boots off, revealing candy cane themed socks. 

Cassie laughed at Robin’s jab at her dad before she said, “No, it’s his friend.” 

As Robin got the first skate on she shot Cassie a questionable look, “Friend? Your dad’s only friend is me .” 

Cassie nodded though, and then she said a name, your name, that Robin has never heard before in her life, at least out of Steve’s mouth. 

“She’s very nice! And I know that if I have these then she’ll teach me how to skate, she told me she used to skate all the time when she was little,” Cassie started to boast, a wide smile growing on her lips, eagerly talking about you . 

All Robin could do though was stare at Cassie with a bewildered look as she thought she? A woman? Steve’s friends with a woman?  

“Woah woah woah, wait- she’s your dad’s friend ?” 

Cassie hummed, “Mmhm, I really like her…and my daddy does too… a lot .”

She supposed that Steve was hiding a lot more from her than she thought, starting with him working at Scoops Ahoy again, and a mysterious woman Cassie claims he likes, in his daughter’s own words, a lot . Robin helped her get the other skate on, navigating in her mind this new information but deciding that she should get as much information as possible from Cassie before she definitely confronts Steve about it later. 

“A mysterious lady your dad likes… interesting …tell me more about her, my tiny friend. What is she like? How do you know your dad likes her a lot? What have you seen ?” 

Cassie stared at her, hanging onto every question before she looked away in thought, even placing her hand into her chin before she started to first tell Robin how nice you were, how she would give you carrots for lunch because she didn’t want them, she told her how you went apple picking with them and how you got Steve to actually bake (which shocked Robin very much), and how you even taught her to bake as well. 

She boasted on and on about you, before ending it on spending Thanksgiving together (something that made Robin’s jaw promptly drop in complete surprise), and telling her about your gift, gesturing to the walkman headphones that rested on her neck.

“Holy shit,” Robin said, pleasantly surprised by all this information, and kind of miffed that Steve hadn’t told her anything. She couldn’t even find it in herself to censor herself as her thoughts ran rampant. 

She knew Steve, before Cassie, before Cassie’s mom , and she knew him after as well…the possibility of him letting anyone in his life like this, so far as inviting them to a family dinner, seemed quite impossible…and well…at least she knew exactly what the main topic of discussion was going to be after Cassie goes to bed tonight…

Robin turned her attention back onto the skates Cassie was currently wearing, setting aside her intentions with Steve for now, and she stood up, and held her hands out. Cassie took them, and Robin could feel them shaking underneath his grasp. 

In fact, her legs were shaking too, like a newborn deer or something and it even made Robin nervous because she did not have good balance. She wondered if Cassie could ever want to learn how to skate…how you , and every other roller skater did it too. 

“I don’t know about this Cassie…” Robin admitted to her, but Cassie clenched her jaw and shook her head. 

“No…no I want them,” she stated, forcing herself to become more confident, “She will teach me if I have them…and then I’ll get good at it and maybe I can teach my daddy too how to skate.” 

The thought made Robin laugh, and she stepped backwards, Cassie rolling along with her, and almost falling forward and falling on her face had Robin not been holding her, “Gee…these are definitely not Steve of Approved…but honestly…looks like I have competition here with gift-giving…”

Robin’s eyes moved to the walk-man, before she rolled Cassie back to sit down and said, “Okay, I’ll get them for you…but I’m getting you literally every protection gear this place has to offer so your dad doesn’t have a heart attack.” 

Cassie almost cried with happiness, already kicking them off so they could gather the rest of her gift around the store. 

Afterwards, Robin decided to treat Cassie to a movie, buying her whatever snack she wanted and the largest popcorn as well. She enjoyed every second of it, giddy already because of the skates that were packed away into a shopping bag. 

Then, they returned to Scoops Ahoy just in time for Steve’s shift to come to an end. He had changed his outfit completely, wearing a striped sweater underneath the jacket he was currently zipping up and a pair of jeans. The outfit change made total sense considering the current snowy climate outside. 

Cassie was calling him, running into the ice cream parlor and he was quick to catch her and lift her up into his arms with a wide loving smile on his face. Robin strolled up a few seconds after, and Cassie hopped out of her dad’s arms and started to tell him that her Aunt Robin got her a gift. 

Steve stared at the large bag, and Robin smirked as she set it down on one of the empty tables as Steve said cautiously, “Uh…what did she get you?...What did you get her?” Steve was looking at Robin now almost suspiciously and Cassie climbed onto a chair. 

“Roller skates! She got me roller skates!” 

Steve’s brown eyes widened at Cassie’s answer, and Robin pulled out the box to show him the skates properly. 

“Robin- are you- are you serious?” Steve asked, being sure to not sound or look mad in front of Cassie, especially with how excited she seemed to be about this, but he was just concerned with how safe these things would be, already imagining Cassie falling and crying. The idea simply hurt his chest and filled him with fatherly fear. 

“Sure am,” Robin said, slapping the side of the roller skates like a brand new car, “Don’t worry, Popeye, I bought her the latest of protection gear, if she falls the ground would be more hurt than her.” 

Steve crossed his arms, still baffled by the gift. 

“Besides, I need to make sure I remain Cassie’s favorite aunt by coming to town once in a while and getting her whatever she wants,” Robin added, smiling at Cassie who was still beaming about the skates. 

Steve shook his head, amused by Robin’s statement and then he said, “I’m still not…I don’t know, I didn’t even know you wanted roller skates Cass.”

Cassie seemed to finally sense her dad’s hesitation, and she quickly turned to him and claimed that she would be careful, and that you could teach her. 

At the mention of your name, Steve felt the air in his chest release softly and his cheeks had grown quite warm, wondering how it didn’t occur to him that you were the reason for her newfound interest in this. It almost made him smile widely, but he settled on a small one that was barely visible. 

It was visible enough for Robin though who had made sure to look at Steve when Cassie mentioned you. She saw his flushed cheeks, his sudden hesitation all but vanishing in mere seconds. And then Steve settled his eyes back on the skates then at Cassie before he started to nod. 

“Alright, yeah, that’s true…she’s gonna love that you got a pair,” Steve said, voice filled with the warmth that matched his cheeks and now his chest. Cassie cheered, then Robin cheered too with Cassie, making Steve’s smile grow and uncross his arms. 

The three had gone out to eat at a diner after they left Starcourt, Cassie ordering belgian waffles for dinner, Robin’s treat again, before they were settling into the Harrington household. It was just a small house, two bedrooms, but the living room was pretty big for a small home. A Christmas tree was set up by the window in the front, lit up with vibrant colors and decorated with ornaments Cassie had made at school. Gifts were already set under the tree, wrapped pretty decently. 

Robin was lounging out the couch, having kicked off her shoes and she was watching Cassie roll around the living room, her head covered by a large purple helmet that matched the color of her skates and pads wrapped around her knees and elbows. 

She was laser focused, holding onto the wall for dear life and looking down with a determined look in her eyes as she rolled forward little by little. Steve was in the kitchen, and Robin could already smell the sweet scent of hot chocolate. 

With the heater kicked on, and the night still young, Steve came out holding two mugs, one for him and one for Robin, Cassie had declined any because she wanted to focus on skating during the hour before she would go to bed. 

So, while Cassie did that (trying not to crash into the tree for example), Steve and Robin decided to catch up. Robin told him about her job, and the new apartment she moved into with Vickie, she told him how Nancy and Jonathan were doing, and some fun anecdotes she knew Steve would get a good laugh at. 

Steve told her a few things, starting with the obvious that he was working at Scoops Ahoy again which made Robin tease him about it again. 

“Hey, like I said, I needed a third job, and he agreed to give me a set schedule, weekends only,” Steve told Robin as he leaned back on the couch. 

“No, no I totally get it, I just think it’s funny that you willingly put that uniform on again, you hated it more than I did,” Robin said, bending her leg against her chest and resting her chin on her knee as she laughed. 

“Yeah, but that was when I was fresh out of high school and still cared about my self-image, as a daddy now that wasn’t even a factor,” Steve said, smirking when Robin grimaced at him calling himself daddy . It was fine coming out of Cassie’s mouth, because Steve was her actual dad, but Steve calling himself that? It made her want to gag and Steve knew that. It’s why he said it in the first place. 

“If you’re not Cassie, I don’t want to hear you call yourself daddy,” Robin said, and Steve laughed in response. 

“Speaking of Cassie,” Steve started, turning his head to find her sitting on the floor defeated. He got up, concern crossing over his features for a second as Cassie looked up at him with a frown. She hadn’t fallen, no, they would’ve heard her crash and hit the ground. She was just upset that she wasn’t a master skater already. 

Amusement replaced that concern, and he held his hand out of her take and told her, “Call it a night, yeah? And don’t be so sad, Cass, it’s going to take more than one night of practice.” 

She sighed, and took her dad’s hand and he pulled her back up to her feet, rolling forward and he poked her sides slightly. Cassie giggled, finally smiling before he told her to get ready for bed. She complied, and Steve gave her a gentle push, letting her roll her way down the hall and toward her room. 

Robin got up, stretching her arms out before she decided to help out by taking the now empty mugs to the sink while Steve went with Cassie to help her take the skates and all the gear off. After a few minutes, Cassie came back out to thank Robin for the skates and to give her a big hug before she returned to her room for the night. 

Robin was walking around the living room, eying the various portraits that she hadn’t seen since she was last here. There were a few new ones, like Cassie in a tinkerbell costume in front of Mrs. K’s house next door. Her eyes shifted to the older ones, resting on Cassie when she was just a toddler before moving on to one of Steve and Cassie when she was only just born. 

He was sitting on a lazy-boy, one that used to be in Steve’s old house when he still lived with his parents. Steve was grinning widely, hair greasy and a mess, and he was holding Cassie who was bundled up in a mint green blanket against his chest. He was only 19 at the time, almost 20, and practically still fresh out of high school. Robin remembered when Steve had come to her and told her the news that he was going to be a dad. He was freaking out, and Robin could admit she didn’t help him calm down in the slightest. 

They both had just rambled, Robin shocked by him going to become a parent so young, and what he was going to do and then ranting off ways everything could go wrong and almost making Steve go into cardiac arrest at 19. It was Nancy who promptly calmed Steve down (and thus Robin too).

“Alright, I’m back- what are you doing?” Steve’s voice came from behind Robin, and she turned away from the picture and started to laugh. 

“I was looking at that photo of you and Cass, remember when you told me you were going to be a dad and I kind of sort of freaked out like I was the one about to be a dad or something-” 

Steve scoffed loudly, “ Yeah , you freaked me the hell out, Robin. I was ready to speed off to New York under a new name with all that shit you were saying! Thank god Nance showed up and talked me down.” 

Robin was laughing again, finding it funny now when it wasn’t funny at the time, and Steve started to laugh too as he fell back onto the couch and yawned loudly. Robin frowned, and joined him back on the couch.

“Oh damn, you’re not tired already, right? We have so much more to talk about, ” she said, knowing that she desperately needed to know more about this mysterious woman Cassie claims he likes so much, who got him to bake and joined him on Thanksgiving.

“I’m a daddy, I’m always tired,” Steve told Robin truthfully, to which she gave him a look for calling himself daddy again. He laughed and added, “I don’t really have much else to say-” 

“Oh that’s alright, I have something you can tell me about,” Robin said, cutting him off, “So during our little outing, Tiny Harrington told me something pretty interesting about this very pretty school office worker you seem to really like, care to share anything with the class?” 

Steve snapped his head toward her and he cleared his throat and turned his head back forward and said your name like it was a question. Robin nodded, “Yup, that’s it and you both keep mentioning her…so who is she? Tell me more about her.” 

Robin was now leaning in, needing to know more about this especially from Steve, the guy who hadn’t really been with anyone since Cassie’s mom, well there was one other woman, but she could hardly recall her face or even her name because of how quickly that flame went out. 

Steve pushed his hair out of his face and replied, “She’s just a friend.” 

Now it was Robin’s turn to scoff loudly and she said, “Oh really…do you normally invite friends to have Thanksgiving with your family and the Hendersons? Or to go apple-picking with you?” 

Steve nodded, “Yeah, yeah you can normally invite a friend to things like that.” 

He was very clearly deflecting, and Robin wasn’t buying it, not even when he added, “She’s super nice, really cool…moved here in the summer actually and you know, she doesn’t really have anybody or any family really nearby so I just…you know invited her to join me and Cassie…” 

Robin sighed, slightly disappointed by this and she started to say, “Steve…Steve, Steve, Steve, I know you…you don’t just let people in your life, in Cassie’s life, especially since her mom just up and left. I mean, there was what’s-her-face who you didn’t let her into your life at all which was why the relationship went up in flames in the first place… and now all of a sudden Cassie is telling me about this woman you very clearly like going places with you both and gifting her things…what aren’t you telling me?” 

He tensed up at Robin’s words, seeming to have forgotten that Robin was there for the majority of his life, even though she had promptly brought it up just minutes ago with that memory of him telling her the news. Robin did know Steve, probably more than anybody else in his life. She was there when Cassie’s mom was there, and there when she wasn’t , the aftermath of it all…Steve hated to think about that. He hated it, so he didn’t think about it.

He turned to Robin, who looked more serious now, wanting to know more about you, and wanting Steve to tell her. So he decided he should. 

“We really are just friends,” Steve started with, wanting to make that clear, “I mean…she’s something else , you know? Like…the more I get to know her, the more…amazing I realize she is.” 

He laughed nervously, pink dusting over his cheeks as his thoughts became consumed with you and the feelings you brought out of him.

“And Cassie absolutely loves her, I mean, she literally asked for skates because of her, and she seems to really like hanging out with me and Cassie too,” he continued, thinking of the smile you always put on his and Cassie’s face whenever you’re together, and he finished saying in a breathless voice like the mere thought of you took his breath away, “ Yeah … I really like her. ”

His heart was fluttering in his chest from having finally admitted that outloud to somebody. It became more real then, the feelings that would gather in his entire being whenever you were around, whenever you were even mentioned.

“Knew it,” Robin said, satisfied to get a confession from Steve, “So why are you still just friends then? Is she not interested or something?” 

Steve pressed his lips tightly together and shrugged, “I wouldn’t know, I never asked and…well, I don’t think she’s not interested, I mean… there is something there, like something electric…being with someone finally sounds good, but then-” 

Steve furrowed his brow, as he’s given many thoughts about this whenever it would come up, which was often especially following Thanksgiving when he was tempted to kiss you (and was positive you were going to kiss him too). It was all the same things that stirred inside of him, things that were almost unresolved from the impact Cassie’s mom left on him…he shut his eyes for a moment, the conflict swirling around in him and almost making his stomach hurt along with his head.

Robin was sitting cross-legged, hanging off of Steve’s last word, wanting to know what he was going to say next. 

He sucked in a tight breath then released it before saying, “I just…I don’t have time , you know? If there’s anything I learned from being with Brenda ,” Steve said, reminding Robin of the other woman’s name. Robin snapped her fingers and said quietly ‘ oh yeah Brenda .’

“From being with her, time is just not on my side with my jobs, especially now since I got a third one- I just can never be there for somebody else, I can’t commit to them in the way they want me to,” Steve tried to explain, “And…and I can’t do that to her, I can’t break her heart like that so…yeah she’s my friend, and it’s going to stay that way.” 

Robin frowned at Steve, slightly disappointed that it was still this that was holding him back, keeping him from pursuing any romantic relationship even when he seemed to want one. Hell, even watching him say that he and you were just going to stay friends he looked downright depressed and disappointed. 

She could only sigh, feeling kind of sad for Steve, and his luck with romance after Cassie’s mom, but she always thought that maybe he just hadn’t found the right person, and she still stands by that to this day. Somebody will come around, and for all she knows this right person for Steve could be you …and she feels like she’d know for sure if she met you and got to know you too.

“By the way you’re talking about this girl…I’d really like to meet her,” she said, making Steve look at her again and with squinted eyes he replied, “Absolutely not.”

Robin threw her hand over her chest, heavily offended by his immediate response and she said, “Why not! If she’s so amazing, I’d like to see it for myself. I’m not going to do anything that’ll embarrass you, scout’s honor.” 

“ Nope . No way.”

Robin rolled her eyes, wondering what on Earth she could do that’ll embarrass him more than he tends to embarrass himself, but something told her it was that if you met Robin , his best friend, then that would just let you into his life more…and honestly, maybe he needed that more than he believed he didn’t…

✧ ✧ ✧

It was cold. 

You were wearing more layers today than any other day since the snowy weather arrived. Your entire head was hidden underneath a gray beanie, and the bottom of your face covered by a baby blue knitted scarf you bought off of one of the student’s moms who sold them. 

Even in the confines of the coffee shop, you felt incredibly cold, and were concerned about a cough coming along, your throat a little drier than usual. It was just what you needed, considering the Holidays were just around the corner and you were going to spend it with Heidi’s family. You weren’t sure then, if you were getting sick, that you could go, which was quite disappointing. 

Your name was suddenly called, and you could already taste your favorite hot coffee, and were ready for it to warm your insides. Right after your name was called though, another name was called. You didn’t pay much attention, determined to get your coffee, that you hadn’t realized they had set the identical cups right next to each other. You just grabbed one, and turned away. 

“Oh, wait!” someone called before you could take a sip, and you turned your head to meet the blue eyes of a girl with short blonde hair and freckles decorating her cheeks, “That one is mine! My name’s on it…” 

You blinked and looked down, twisting the cup in your hand to see the name Robin scribbled on the side of it and not your name. You quickly apologized, feeling a little silly for not checking first and held it out for her to take.

“It’s alright, the cups look the exact same,” the girl, Robin, replied to you as she held your coffee out for you to take. She seemed like she was going to say something further, but stopped when her eyes glossed over your name written on the cup as you took it from her, “Oh… Oh …” 

She looked at you, blue eyes observing you closely and then your name before you properly switched. 

You turned away without another word, ready to return to finally take a sip and return to your car when the girl called your name this time. You stopped, thinking maybe you left something but only saw her standing there with her own drink and sheepish smile on her lips. 

“Sorry, I know I probably look like a complete weirdo , and even more so when I say this but…I think I know you, and that you probably know me too? At least by name?” she was saying, and you could only stare at her, trying to see if you could remember exactly who she was and if you’d seen her around here before or heard her name. 

You shook your head when nothing came up and replied, “I’m sorry, I don’t…I can’t really remember.” You laughed awkwardly and she did too. 

“I just thought maybe Steve would’ve mentioned me,” she said, his namedrop making you tilt your head curiously, “I mean he’s mentioned you quite a bit since I came back to town…just wondering if he’s ever mentioned his friend Robin to you.” 

She blinked rapidly at you, then smiled more widely at you. It took you a moment or two before your memory returned. Steve had mentioned her before, you remembered a specific time when you were looking for another movie to watch and he brought to the double VHS section and said something along the lines of “Yeah my best friend Robin made me sit through so many movies, I don’t normally do double VHS, but this one was really good.” And there were others too you would gradually remember.

“Oh yeah! He has! Uh, hi, this is so weird, not that you’re weird, I swear, just-” you laughed nervously, “It’s nice to meet you.” 

“Likewise,” Robin replied, stepping out of the way of other coffee patrons, “So, I hear you and Steve are pretty good friends too.” 

You nodded quite fast at that, then got a little embarrassed that you did so, especially when she raised both eyebrows at you. 

“Yeah I’d say we are,” you said, “Not as good as you two are I bet, I think he mentioned one time you’ve been friends since he graduated High School.” 

“Yeah, we worked at Scoops Ahoy together,” Robin said, and you stared blankly at her, not knowing what a Scoops Ahoy was. And you swore you’ve been to every place in Hawkins thus far, but not wanting to sound stupid by asking you just stayed quiet as Robin continued to say, “Anyway though, I’m sure you got places to be, I got places to be because you know, my mom is just dying to see me.” 

You couldn’t tell if that was sarcasm or not, but she bid you a good-bye before pausing and turning back to you to say, “Hey, wait, around like I don’t know 6, me, Steve and Cassie are going to that pizza place downtown…you should come.” 

“Oh,” you paused suddenly, then said, “I don’t want to intrude on a reunion.” 

Robin laughed at that, “You’re not going to intrude anything, you’re Steve’s friend, I’m his friend, it’ll be just a bunch of friends meeting for some pizza for dinner. I’m sure he’ll love to see you seeing as he talked about you so much.” 

You felt your cheeks heat up at that, then became too preoccupied with the heart in your chest leaping to see Steve again, something that’s become entirely common these days. You subconsciously counted down the days until you would see him again, though you’d never admit anything out loud. Also, she’s mentioned twice that he keeps talking about you…

Robin was staring at you expectantly, and you met her eyes before nodding and saying, “Yeah, okay that sounds like it could be fun.” 

“Yes! Alright, cool,” Robin said, a little too excitedly as she gave you a thumbs up with the hand that wasn’t holding her coffee, “Now, I’m going to go see my mom, and I’ll see you later, you know the one right?” 

You nodded, as there was only one pizza place in Hawkins, and waved a good-bye to Robin as she left the coffee shop before you. You dropped your hand to the side, then remembered that you were cold and that was the reason you bought a coffee. You lifted it to your lips, and drank the hot liquid, but it didn’t do much, as the thought of Steve had already made you warm enough.

✧ ✧ ✧

It was half after six, and Steve, Cassie, and Robin were barely being seated. Robin hadn’t anticipated the place to be so full, even though Steve told her it would be. It wasn’t a long wait, and Steve wasn’t impatient and neither was Robin, Cassie could be impatient, but as long as she had her walkman while they sat in the waiting area she was fine. 

Steve had noticed that Robin kept looking at the door every time it opened, eyes looking over every member of the family that was entering the pizza parlor. He had asked her if she was waiting for someone or something, thinking maybe she ran into the kids (they’re not kids anymore, Steve kept having to remind himself) who were home for winter break without telling him. Not that he would mind, but who the hell was going to pay for them to eat?

Eventually, Robin’s name was called by the hostess and they were led through the full pizza parlor and sat at a comfortable round booth that was actually elevated and underneath a dimly lit light. Cassie hopped in first, crawling on all fours until she was sitting right in the center of the table with a grin on her face and head banging as she was still listening to music. 

“This is a pretty big booth for just three people,” Steve said, eying Robin as he tried to see if she’d take the bait and just tell him who she invited to join them.

“Oh yeah, totally too big for three people,” Robin said, agreeing with him as she shot him a grin and sat down. 

“Right…” 

Steve sat down as well, thanking the hostess for the menus. He turned his attention to Cassie now, and tapped her nose to capture her attention. She looked at him and he gestured to his own ears. Cassie understood, and turned to turn off her walkman, then removed her headphones. They rested around her neck, a look Cassie Harrington had all the time, especially these days. 

“Welcome back,” Steve teased her as he handed her a menu. Cassie took it from her dad, giving him a toothy grin as her head was still nodding to nonexistent music. Steve chuckled and passed a menu to Robin, and then looked down, seeing he was holding two more. 

Robin definitely invited somebody else. 

At that moment, Steve looked up at the door, as Robin and Cassie became engrossed in their menus and were verbally deciding what toppings they wanted on each pizza they were about to order. 

He was looking for perhaps a kid, like Dustin, or Lucas as Robin mentioned running into him specifically, hell he even looked for Eddie Munson (Steve had seen him show up in the Family Video Store after he seemed to have vanished for weeks), but his eyes landed on you . 

You weren’t looking at him, your attention on the hostess as you spoke to her. The hostess had looked down at her clipboard, then nodded, telling you something with a smile before she turned around and started to walk in the direction of the table they sat at. Just as you lifted your eyes, Steve turned to look at Robin, all of it adding up at once.

“You didn’t- how- how did you even meet her? ” Steve was questioning her. Robin looked up from her menu, confused at first and then she grinned sheepishly. Before she could even answer, you were at the table. 

Cassie had gasped at the sight of you, and called your name excitedly while Robin grinned and looked at you. 

“You made it! I was afraid you wouldn’t!” Robin said, “Steve scoot over, jeesh, you too Tiny.” 

“No! Wait! I want to sit next to her!” Cassie announced, of which Robin seemed very intrigued by and Cassie said, “Daddy, you sit on the side!” 

Steve stared at Cassie for such a demand, but who was he to deny his daughter’s requests? He looked at you, finally, and you were looking at Cassie with a sweet smile on your lips before you turned to look at Steve. He sucked in a soft breath before nodding and scooting off of the seat. 

“Wait, do you want…” Steve gestured to your outerwear when he stood and you blinked before realizing what he meant. 

“Yeah! God I hate wearing all these layers,” you said with a shake of your head as you unzipped your large jacket. You were shaking out of it and Steve was suddenly behind you, reaching out to take your jacket off for you like the gentleman he is. You thanked him softly as he did, and he flashed you a sweet grin before you were moving to sit in the booth. 

“I didn’t know Robin invited you!” Cassie said when you settled in next to her. 

“She invited me this morning,” you told her, looking over at her then at Steve as he settled down right next to you. Steve slid a menu to you as well and you took it, another soft thank you being thrown his way. 

“Yeah, I ran into her at the coffee place, insane right? I mean I heard her name, because obviously Steve told me all about you,” Robin said, gesturing to Steve who snapped his head to look at her, “Cassie too , don’t look at me like that. Anyway, she took my coffee by accident and then we talked and now she’s here.” 

Steve shook his head.

“Yeah, that’s what happened,” you said, your cheeks a little warm as you were still a bit afraid that you were unwelcomed despite Steve literally getting up and helping you get your jacket off, “It’s not a problem for anyone here, right?” 

Steve turned to look at you, and quickly shook his head, “Oh no , never. You know I like seeing you.” He suddenly realized what he’d just said and cleared his throat before turning away to cough into his hand in an attempt to take the attention off that . 

You just sat there, pressing your lips softly together at his words, before you looked back at Robin and said, “Sorry for being late though, my car has been acting up especially with this weather.” 

You frowned at the thought of your car barely starting this morning, and then when you were on your way here. It started eventually, yes , but felt pretty much dead before that. Robin told you it was fine, as they were barely sat anyway.

“Wait what’s going on with your car?” Steve questioned, becoming concerned at this information. You shrugged. 

“It’s…wonky, I don’t know,” you said lamely, “It takes a few tries to start, then when it’s on it feels like it’s on the edge of breaking down.” 

Steve was shaking his head at the idea of that, and said, “You know I can take a look at it after dinner if you want me to. I’ve gotten pretty good with cars these past few years.” 

Robin hummed, “Yeah, it’s really weird…like the moment he became a dad he gained all the traits of one like barbecuing and…falling asleep early on the couch or something.” 

That comment made you genuinely laugh, and Steve got a bit lost in your laugh even though it wasn’t him who made you laugh, but he quickly shook out of it and laughed sarcastically at Robin before returning his attention to you. 

“I’m serious though, I can look at it…also I fell asleep on the couch one time,” he said the last part to Robin who reminded him that it happened in the middle of their conversation the night prior before looking back down at the menu. You laughed again, then rested your hand on his shoulder, and replied, “I’d really appreciate that, Steve. Thanks.”

You both just gazed at each other for a long moment, before Cassie was tapping your arm, taking your attention off of him. Steve smiled to himself, then turned to look at his menu. 

“Guess what Robin got me for Christmas,” Cassie started with eagerly. You hummed in thought. 

“Beats me, Cass,” you said after a moment, and she smiled widely before announcing the skates. You dropped your jaw, “No way! You want to learn to skate then?”

Cassie nodded, “Yes! Can you teach me?”

You were more than obliged to teach her, which made Cassie even more happy. 

Steve looked up from his menu, staring at you while Cassie eagerly told you all about her skates, and he licked his lips gently, and Robin stifled a laugh. He looked at her now, giving her a pointed look, pretending that he was irritated with her when he wasn’t. If he was being honest, he liked this, he liked you being here sitting between him and Cassie, with his best friend sitting across from him. It was nice…comfortable even.

It’s like you just fit . 

And the heat spreading over him at this thought made his chest sting, happy because he liked you so much , but indifferent because he did . It made no sense, no sense at all, but this was no time to dwell on it, especially with you right next to him, your legs slightly touching and your pretty perfume invading his senses. 

Thankfully, the waiter arrived, taking an order of drinks, and your pizza. You all decided on two large pizzas, and when you ordered some strawberry lemonade, Cassie did the same, something that did not go unnoticed by Steve. She never drank lemonade, in fact every time they came here she got apple juice, and what he saw was Cassie bright eyes gazing at you. It made that feeling in Steve even more vibrant, that Cassie seemed to look up to you so much that she got skates because of you, listened to disco, and now ordered the same drink. 

It really hit Steve, at this moment, how much Cassie really liked you. She of course liked everyone else too, as she took a specific liking to Robin who was there in her infant and toddler days, and then took a liking to Dustin and especially Max. She had never actually tried to mimic them though, Max never inspired her to want to learn how to ride a skateboard and the interest in Dungeons and Dragons was all part of Dustin’s elaborate plan to get her to keep a high school club alive. 

You weren’t doing any of that, just simply existing and being such a good friend , that damned word again, that became a constant in his and Cassie’s life and she seemed to want to be just like you. 

Steve was a bit baffled at this, shocked into silence really as you and Robin were talking now. 

“Oh yeah, we went to high school together, right Steve? But we didn’t become friends until that one summer we were forced to work together at Scoops Ahoy,” Robin was saying, finally capturing Steve’s attention, “It was a summer for sure, your dad wasn’t the catch he is today.” 

Robin was talking to Cassie now, who looked over at her dad and asked, “Catch?”

“Oh, no girls liked him,” Robin said nonchalantly, which made Cassie frown.

“But he gets free ice cream?” 

“Right? Seems foolproof huh?” 

“Wait- are you seriously bringing that up? Come on Robin, you know it was a tough summer for me,” Steve said, grabbing his drink and sipping out of the straw. 

“Because now it’s a funny memory,” Robin replied with a shrug, and turned back to look at you, “Have you seen him yet? At Scoops Ahoy?” 

You cringed slightly, knowing it was time to fuss up that you had no idea what a ‘Scoops Ahoy’ was, and told her so. The table went quiet, as if Scoops Ahoy was a home name of Hawkins or something when really it was just between the three people at the table with you. 

“You’ve never been there?” Steve was asking you, making you look at him and shake your head, “So you’ve never visited Starcourt then?” 

You shook your head again, “I’ve been wanting to, but…I don’t know if my car will make it that far…”

Steve just stared at you, then nodded as if he was impressed that you’ve never visited the highly popular mall and Cassie was the one to tell you that it was an ice cream shop. She told you about all the free ice cream she gets sometimes.

“ Free ice cream? That sounds like a dream,” you told Cassie and she giggled and said that it wasn’t. Her dad could get free ice cream whenever he wanted essentially.

“Well I mean, I can get you free ice cream too if you want,” Steve said, turning to you, and Robin almost rolled her eyes because it was painfully obvious that Steve really liked you, and it was such a burden to know he did, but wasn’t going to actually do anything about it. 

“Oh really?” you questioned, resting your chin on your hand as you met his brown eyes.

“ Yeah , I think I’m pretty much a professional like I’ve mastered the USS Butterscotch ,” Steve said, making you furrow your brows in confusion at such a name, but assuming rightfully it was just some kind of sunday they served. 

Robin asked how you and Steve met, and he relayed to her how you were dying from allergies and did a late run to the market to get medication, and he just so happened to working that night, then you said you ran into him again at the video store, a job, Robin relayed to you that he’s been at that job for a while. It was Cassie who talked about the carrot situation in more detail, which made Robin laugh because it is something Cassie Harrington would do. 

She watched as you, Steve, and Cassie spoke, laughing together, and she had noticed herself how much Cassie had taken a liking to you as well. It was Steve mostly, though, she couldn’t recall the last time he was so interested in a woman like this. That other girl he was almost with didn’t even compare to how he was with you, and maybe…he was like that once with Cassie’s mom, very early in her pregnancy. 

He had been at her side almost twenty-four seven. Robin had liked her, as there wasn’t necessarily anything wrong with her, just that it was painfully obvious that she didn’t feel the same way toward Steve. Steve had known that, since he had told Robin this when she brought it up one night during a late shift at the Family Video Store. 

He was aware, yes, but they were going to have a baby together, he couldn’t help how he felt, how he always felt about her really as they were friends. But honestly, he had told her, he just wanted their child to have both parents, it didn’t matter to him whether he and she were together, as long as Cassie had her mom and had her dad who at the very least liked each other. Of course, they all know how that story came to an end…

It was something that clearly continued to plague her best friend’s mind, if their conversation from the night before meant anything. Steve liked you, he admitted that to Robin, which is a major step for the guy, and seeing you, seeing how you fell into place with him, with Cassie, something felt different, yet all the same. He wasn’t putting on some kind of show, because Robin knew if she invited the other girl he was with for a bit, he would’ve been actually irritated with her, he would’ve sat through it and been polite, but he wouldn’t have been happy. He seemed like…himself again…comfortable, and she liked seeing Steve like this again. She really did. 

And now, she felt like she owed it to him to knock some sense into him, like how he helped her out with Vickie all those years ago, who still remained her beloved and favorite person ever to this day. He would be crazy to at least not try , because he liked you, and sitting here, she can tell that you liked him too. 

The pizza had come, and the conversation turned to Steve and Robin now, and you sat there listening with amusement written on your features of the summer they became friends, about working at Scoops Ahoy, then at the Family Video Store, how he threw her a graduation party at his house that almost failed because someone forgot to bring cups (It was that guy Eddie again) until a girl by the name of Nancy Wheeler got fed up and left to get some. Steve even made her a cake apparently, or at least attempted to. It was something, Robin had said about that cake, surely something.

“You said you’ve never baked before,” you said to Steve upon hearing this information and he turned to you with a sheepish grin on his lips. 

“It’s one of the major reasons I don’t bake anymore,” Steve replied, making you laugh and say, “You bake now though.” 

“Thanks to you, I actually like it now, honestly…you know I still get compliments on those cookies…” Steve said, leaning back and subconsciously stretching and resting his arms on the rest right behind you.

Your heart sped up at this gesture, and you shifted in your spot. Steve stayed staring at you, a small grin on his lips that hadn’t left since all of you started talking. You settled back into place, with his arm technically wrapped around you and turned away, cheeks hot and your heart feeling like it was blooming. 

The check had come around, and Steve had reached into his pocket, and cursed softly.

“Damn…I think I left my wallet in the car,” he said with a cringe before he started to stand, “I’ll be right back.” 

“Wait!” Cassie called in between you and Robin, and Steve paused to look at his daughter, “Can I go?”

“Come on then,” Steve said, fully standing. You were about to move, but Cassie was diving underneath the table and crawling out from the other side. Steve just stared at her before he laughed and told her to put her jacket on. She did, and then he held his hand out for her to take. When their hands clasped together, they were walking toward the exit of the pizza parlor, leaving you and Robin. 

You had felt slightly bad, as you didn’t get to learn much about Robin herself. So, given it was just the two of you, you asked her about herself and Robin let out a breath. 

“I hate this question…” Robin said, fiddling with her rings as she laughed awkwardly. Before you could apologize, she shook her head and told you that she lived in New York with her girlfriend, Vickie, that she moved there with her when Cassie was around four years old, so around two years ago. She attends classes at a college there, and works at this department store. 

“Oh, so it’s like the reverse,” you suddenly stated, “I lived in the big city, moved to this small town- you lived in this small town and moved to the big city.” 

This made Robin laugh, “Hey, yeah, that’s true . It’s pretty insane, overstimulating, a lot of smog, too many people…I don’t hate it though.” 

You nodded, your childhood and adolescent days coming back to you at once, and you replied, “Yeah, a lot of people, but…I think that’s part of its charm.” 

“Oh for sure,” Robin replied, turning her head to see if Steve was coming back. He wasn’t and she commented, “I swear if he dined and dashed…” 

“Oh…oh he wouldn’t do that…would he?” 

“Nah,” Robin shook her head, “He always pays…guess that’s one of his charms, among many, I suppose.” 

She was looking at you again, and you leaned back in your spot, eyes lingering on the door, waiting to see him come back. 

“It’s still kind of weird to me,” Robin suddenly said thoughtfully, “I mean, if high school me heard me say that Steve Harrington was cool, and I was willingly having pizza dates with him and his daughter- she would be absolutely baffled .” 

You turned to her, a curious look in your gaze and she went on to say, “I’m pretty sure every high school had the same hierarchy, so you probably know what I’m talking about. Steve had thee title…basketball captain, swim captain, other other captain, I don’t know I was in band but…he was literally called King Steve.” 

“ King Steve? ” 

You’d never heard anything like that, at your high school there was one guy, the football captain, who dated all the cheerleaders and all that. You could actually picture Steve that way, the hot, popular jock all the girls fawned over…considering the unofficial Steve Harrington fanclub here made up of Hawkin’s Moms. 

“Oh my god, he’ll hate that I’m telling you this,” she said, chuckling to herself, “It doesn’t matter anymore though, because that was just you know- a facade. But yeah, I actually didn’t like him, like a lot- he knows this- but you know, underneath it all- he’s a good guy, probably always has been.”

You turned thoughtful, thinking of Steve in such a way. It had been mentioned before, when Heidi said she dated Steve once in high school and cried over him, or when Steve had told you during what you dared called a ‘lunch date’ in his car that one autumn afternoon that he got a lot of dates at 13. He didn’t seem to be getting them now, despite the attention he receives. 

“I’m just glad you got to know him now ,” Robin said nonchalantly, “He still has those charms, obviously I know you know the ones…” 

She eyed you and you couldn’t lie and say he didn’t. Steve was pretty irresistible, and that stupid charm of his that lingered in your mind for days on end after every interaction you’ve had with him since summer still made your stomach twist and heart flip.

“Yeah…” you said, albeit a bit breathlessly that made Robin laugh to herself. 

Steve was opening the door to the parlor, snowflakes decorating his hair and his jacket. Cassie looked the same, and she shook her head like a dog and held her dad’s hand tighter, happy about the warmth the parlor was providing.

The first thing Steve saw when he walked in was you and Robin. You were in conversation, and he watched as you smiled and laughed, and nodded and responded to his best friend in that round booth. You were enjoying it, talking to Robin, and he sucked in a tight breath, head a little foggy, and he was kind of… happy that it seemed Robin liked you. 

Cassie was saying something to him, pulling him out of trance, but he hadn’t heard what she said

“Hm?” he hummed curiously, looking down at his daughter now, seeing her gazing up at him with almost concern. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Steve paused, then laughed weakly as he tightened his grip affectionately on her hand and replied, “That’s the million dollar question, Cass…come on let’s go.”

He returned to the table, overhearing Robin say something about how she witnessed the aftermath of him accidentally renting out the wrong movie to a girl. Steve didn’t ask what she was talking about because he didn’t need to be reminded of that, and he was glad that you didn’t ask, just suppressing a laugh as he approached. 

“Are we ready to go?” 

You were all outside now, Cassie giving you a big hug good-bye before she was in between Robin and Steve, holding both of their hands, her hands were covered in these bright pink knitted mittens that were vibrant against their dark gloves. 

“I’ll get your number from Steve,” Robin had told you, to which you eagerly nodded. Steve wanted to say some kind of joke, maybe why are you stealing my new friend already? But he really loved that you and her got along that well. 

“Alright, let’s get you in the car, Tiny,” Robin said, saying a final good-bye to you before taking Cassie with her. Cassie waved at you as Robin led her to the car, and it was just you and Steve now.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you soon,” you said, standing albeit a little awkward beside him and Steve, well he looked even more awkward that even Robin cringed when she glanced over at him. 

“Yeah, I’ll call you,” he said, and you nodded, flashing him a grin before turning away. Suddenly, as Steve saw your car, he called your name, “Wait, I said I’d look at your car!” 

You stopped, looking at the car, then at him, then back at the car. 

“Let me see if it’ll start first,” you told him, not wanting to stand out in this cold further or make him stand out in this cold too. Steve followed after you regardless, standing by the car door as you settled in and put the key into its ignition. 

It started the first try, by some sort of miracle. 

“Oh, oh it’s working now,” you said with the shake of your head, embarrassed that your car made it seem like you were lying just to get Steve to look at it or something. 

“I could still look at it though,” Steve told you, leaning over the open door to look inside before glancing over at the hood, as if itching to get it opened. It made you less embarrassed and you nodded, agreeing that eventually he should, or you should get it over to the mechanics. 

With that, Steve said a sweet good-bye before lightly closing your car door for you. He even remained there, watching you go. He was also making sure the car didn’t suddenly break down once it hit the street. It didn’t, thankfully, and he finally went to his car where Robin and Cassie were waiting with the heater already on.

It was quiet, for the most part, Cassie had put her headphones on again, kicking her feet to the beat and gazing out the window with a sleepy look coming over her face. She was definitely going into a food coma.

Robin had suddenly turned in her spot in the passenger seat though to look at Steve. He could see her almost perfectly in peripherals. She was grinning at him almost slyly.

“What?” he asked, acting like he didn’t know why she was smiling like that. 

“I like her,” Robin stated. 

Warmth not from the heater washed over Steve when he heard that, and he swallowed thickly and played dumb, “You like who ?” 

Robin gave him a look, and replied, “I’m serious…you’re right when you say she is pretty amazing and I’m going to say this because I’m your best friend and I can…” 

Steve came to a stop light, and turned his head to look at Robin. 

“You would be a complete idiot if you don’t at least try and take a chance with her.”

There had been a small, amused smile on Steve’s lips, a happy one at that as well, when he heard that Robin liked you so much, but hearing this, Robin’s bluntness Steve’s smile turned into a frown and something cold came over him, like the cold breeze of the upcoming blizzard outside. 

He turned his head forward, just as the light turned green, and he started to drive through the intersection. 

Steve knows this, it’s been gnawing at him, sitting there next to you, seeing how well you fit in, how almost perfect you were to him, how perfect you’ve always been whenever he was around you. He hadn’t felt like this strongly for someone, the way the thought of you made your head buzz and insides turn delightfully, which would of course be followed by this sick, hollow feeling that he couldn’t quite describe, much like how he felt when he realized Cassie was trying to be like you in that pizza parlor. 

God, you preoccupy his mind so much, and there’s a voice in him that says ask her out, you idiot , and then another voice says just kiss her, for the love of god just kiss her . He’s felt that one on occasion, when that electricity sparked between the both of you, when your eyelashes fluttered gently at him, your lips waiting for his…

Then, there’s that other voice, the one that came out the night before when talking to Robin. You don’t have time…you know what happened the last time you tried…it’s not worth it…it’s not worth breaking her heart over . 

Most of the time, that voice was louder. 

Robin looked at her friend who was deep in thought, and reached over to pat his shoulder, “I’ll demote you back to dingus, I will.” 

That at least made Steve laugh, and he replied a little weakly, “Honestly…that’s only fair.”

✧ ✧ ✧

“Steve, I’ve only known her for like two days, if you count the day you finally told me about her.” 

Robin’s voice was coming through the phone. 

It was about a week after Christmas, and you had dropped by the market one night just before Steve’s shift ended to give him some gifts. You had finally made more mixtapes for Cassie, the bag full of them, and for Steve, you went simple and got him a Christmas card with an ice skating penguin wearing a red beanie on it with a gift card inside. It was quite a bit of money, and you insisted that he needn’t to get you anything in return. You didn’t really have anyone to buy gifts for, besides for Heidi and her family and a secret santa at the school, and wanted to do something nice.

Steve was touched, really touched, so much that the voice that kept telling him to kiss you had to be fought off with a mental broomstick. And now, he was kind of freaking out about it and had called Robin almost immediately during his break at the Family Video Store the next day. 

“It was just nice, alright, and I don’t want to get her something bad…god why am I freaking out about it though?” 

“Because you like her, dingus,” Robin teased from all the way in New York, she was on her break at her job too, “Get her like…I don’t know a mug or something, teacher’s love those. I actually love those.” 

“No…no she’s not a teacher, at least not yet,” Steve replied, pressing his hand against his face, feeling a bit ridiculous about how much he was overthinking this. 

“Get her one, speak it into the universe for her,” Robin suggested, then said like she read his thoughts, “You’re overthinking this Steve, and that’s a lot coming from me. I can’t just tell you what to buy, you know her way more than me.” 

He sighed into his hand, “What the hell am I doing…” 

“You’re a big guy, Steve, you’ll figure it out… oh hey…what about a candle?” 

She was very clearly looking at a candle someone walked by holding in the department store she worked at part-time. 

Another reason why Steve was freaking out was because he was going to see you very soon, like tonight soon and the store’s would be closing earlier than usual so that he’d have to go straight to Starcourt after his shift ends. 

He had invited you to the Wheeler’s annual New Years Eve party, yet another almost family thing he wanted you to attend because quite literally everyone in his life would be there, the kids (Not kids, anymore, Steve), Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byers, Joyce Byers and Jim Hopper… everyone . 

Robin did offer some good, basic presents, a mug, a candle…but what else? He wanted to at least add his own touch to it. 

With a good-bye to Robin, he was back at work, still inside his head of what to get you when Heidi, who he has known since high school, approached him at the counter. 

“Just returning,” she told Steve, placing them down on the counter in front of him. Steve nodded, turning to the computer set up until his eyes rested on her name again. He remembered then that you had mentioned you were going to be spending Christmas with her and her family, which could only mean that she was your friend as well. 

Steve stopped typing for a good second, turning his head to look at Heidi who was poking around the new concession stand they had set up (it was Steve’s idea). She seemed particularly interested in the kettlecorn, and Steve cleared his throat as he said, “So…Heidi…how was your holiday last week?” 

She looked up at him, and replied, “It was great, how was your Christmas with Cassie?” 

“Oh great, we spent it with the Hendersons, like always…” he trailed off, unsure of how to smoothly mention you and then try to see if she can help out in any way for getting you a gift, “Who’d you spend it with?”

Heidi answered her own family, and he said, “Nobody else?” 

He wanted to kick himself for making it so obvious. He could literally see it in her eyes when it clicked he was trying to bring you up without actually saying it. Steve hadn’t talked to Heidi like this in a long time, not since high school and not since they dated for like a month or so, he talked to her at the office, yes, but he talked to everyone there. Mostly you these days, if he was being honest.

“Wait…” Heidi trailed off and then asked if he was talking about you. Steve chuckled, and nodded, deciding to just own it. It wasn’t weird, it wasn’t suspicious, he was just asking about his friend . At least that’s what he tried to convince himself to make the anxious, racing of heart stop.

“Yeah, yeah I mean her…you’re pretty good friends, huh?” 

Heidi leaned on the counter, an intrigued look crossing her features and she said, “Yes, I think so, though…I don’t think we’re good friends like you and her are…” 

Steve took the tapes Heidi returned, trying to nonchalantly work while talking to her.

“I doubt it,” Steve replied, because if he and you were such good friends why couldn’t he decide on what kind of gift to get you. Heidi chuckled. 

“Right,” she said, not buying it clearly, “Is there something you want to ask me about her?”

“Well…” Steve started, then cleared his throat before continuing to say, “I want to get her something for Christmas, a little late I know, but she got me and Cass something and I just want to return the favor.” 

Heidi rested her chin on her hand, “Do you not know what to get her?” 

“I just need some ideas,” Steve replied quickly, making her laugh. 

“Well, maybe we both are just as good as friends with her, I had trouble getting her something too,” Heidi replied honestly, and that did make Steve a little more relieved, “I got her perfume, and my kids made her a s’more set, she seemed to love it. You know…I think…anything simple, really. She’ll love anything, especially if it’s from you .”

Steve thought it was the same for him, as he displayed that penguin Christmas card on his nightstand like it was some love letter. Heidi looked a little excited by this information, like he just told her some secret. He’d forgotten this quality of her, and found it oddly comforting in a way that she still held this aspect of her.

He finished processing the return for her, and she asked him if that’s all he wanted to ask. He nodded to her, and grinned politely. 

“Yeah, yeah that’s it, thanks Heidi,” he said, and she grinned back at him and turned to leave. He supposed a candle and a mug it was…still he hated how cheap it felt. You deserved more than that, but it would have to do. 

He had about an hour more to brew up some more ideas anyway.

Meanwhile, Heidi had called you the moment she could. You were at home getting ready for the party tonight when the phone rang and you answered, this was as Steve was rushing to Starcourt after his shift ended, and Heidi relayed everything to you. 

“You said there was nothing going on, you liar, he’s getting you a gift,” Heidi said, and you sucked in a sharp breath. 

“Friends get each other gifts, you got me one, I got you one,” you said, trying to play it off even though it was quite obvious there was something more between you and Steve, something strong and unspoken, something ready to burst any moment now. 

“Yeah, but I’m not him , he likes you, and you like him,” Heidi practically beamed, “I knew you weren’t immune to Steve Harrington’s charm. I mean, his daughter visits you all the time when she can…you got him to bake cookies…you spent Thanksgiving with him…he practically shoves the faculty just to stand by you at mandatory assemblies…he likes you.” 

“He’s a good friend,” you replied, cheeks feeling a little hot. 

And just like what Robin was saying about Steve to him when she first came to Hawkins, or what Dustin Henderson had said to his girlfriend Suzie, Heidi had said, “I don’t think you realize how insane all of that is for Steve freaking Harrington. Okay, he’s been practically off the market since Cassie’s mom just up and left town.” 

You frowned, and reminded her how she told you her friend had dated him. 

“Okay, but barely , she broke it off because he was never around, he never made time for her, he definitely didn’t invite her to go to a Holiday dinner, and she met Cassie like maybe once , twice at the most and that was by accident,” Heidi explained quickly, and you were going to say something, but she was speaking again, “And here you are, coming in from the city and making him trip over himself. I’m impressed, I really am.” 

You tried to fight the feelings mustering up in your stomach, “It’s not…he’s my friend.” 

“I find it interesting how he was saying the same thing,” your friend commented. 

“Because we are just friends,” you tried to emphasize, but knowing already that no matter what you said, your friend wouldn’t believe you. At this point, you were trying to convince yourself it was all you and Steve were, all that you would ever be because then if it never happens, you couldn't be disappointed. 

You’d just learn to live with the feelings and bursts of warmths that occur at just the simple thought of him, at the idea of seeing him, if anything, you were already doing it. Steve was a friend, a good friend, and you didn’t want that to change. 

You didn’t tell Heidi any of this, feeling almost embarrassed by your outlook, plus, you didn’t want to admit to her that you did like him, a lot. She can continue speculating, and you can continue pretending she was wrong. 

“I have to go,” you had told her finally after a couple more exchanges, “I have a party to go to tonight.” 

“With Steve ?” 

You scoffed and told her a good-bye and a “Happy New Year.”

She was giggling, and told you the same before you hung up. You hoped there would be alcohol at this party, and had you any left of your favorite wine you had brought to Heidi’s Christmas Party last week, you would’ve definitely started drinking now. 

✧ ✧ ✧

Steve had always been convinced that the biggest New Years in Hawkins was the one Karen Wheeler threw every year. It was practically full, every room decorated with streamers, tinsel, party hats, appetizers on every available surface and an abundance of alcohol. 

Now, it wasn’t a crazy party, like the ones he used to attend in High School and go to school the next day with a hangover, but it was pretty big and exciting. Overwhelming too, and he had warned you about it too. 

You seemed comfortable among his friends, although he considered them more as family, even after Cassie had taken your hand when you first arrived and started introducing you to everyone as ‘Her daddy’s girlfriend.’

This horrified Steve, as when he told Karen and everyone that he was inviting you, he made sure to not make the same mistake of Thanksgiving where he didn’t tell Dustin or Claudia that you and him were just friends. 

You were amazing though, just laughing when Cassie announced you as his girlfriend to everyone present and said, “Well I am a girl, and I am his friend.” 

“Exactly!” Cassie replied, a toothy grin that made Steve become suspicious of his daughter’s intention with that comment, as she’s never said anything like that about you before. He couldn’t really dwell on it though, as Cassie was eventually dragged away by the kids (Not. Kids. Anymore. Steve), leaving the adults like him upstairs.

There were a lot of people here, Steve had warned you prior that there would be, but everytime his eyes would find you across the room, he’d find you smiling and talking to someone, though he noticed it was mostly Claudia, who was absolutely delighted to see you again. 

“So…she’s really just your friend , Steve?” 

Nancy Wheeler was suddenly beside Steve, a woman he hadn’t seen for longer than he’d seen Robin. Steve turned away from you, and looked at her. 

“What?” 

Nancy laughed, “Nevermind. How have you been? Robin told me you’re working at Scoops Ahoy again…” 

Steve grimaced, but should’ve figured Robin would tell her this. He spent the next few minutes catching up with his old friend (And high school girlfriend), Steve telling her that he read one of the stories she reported on in the paper a while ago that gained immense popularity, and so on. She had done a lot, and really all he had to report was that he was working three different jobs, and made one new friend, which was you. 

His drink was gone by the end of it, and he excused himself to go some more in the kitchen and decided before doing so he should go down to the basement to see what Cassie was up to as it was going to be close to midnight and she might fall asleep. He walked down the steps of the basement, already hearing loud cursing that irked him. The ambience of the basement was suddenly not very Steve Approved. 

They were playing a Dungeons and Dragons campaign, Cassie included , sitting in between Max and Lucas as Mike Wheeler spoke dramatically, leaving everyone, including Cassie, on the edge of their seats. Well, except Max. She was giving Mike an unamused look. 

“Shit, I knew we shouldn’t have done that,” Dustin cursed when Mike came to the conclusion of his overdramatics, and Steve scoffed loudly. 

“Hey, hey, there’s a child present,” Steve told them, resting his hands on his waist. All of them looked over at Steve, and it was Max who said, “Well now there is, you just walked in..” 

There were cackles from everyone and Steve shook his head, unamused with that comment even though he felt like he walked right into it. 

“Yeah, yeah just watch your language. I don’t want my daughter cursing like a sailor,” Steve replied and they all sighed, a chorus of begrudging apologies and eyerolls being thrown his way. 

“What are you doing down here, anyway? Wouldn’t you rather be with your girlfriend?” Mike asked, leaning back in his seat and giving Steve a look. 

“Seeing if my kid’s alright, and she’s not -” Steve sucked in a breath, not wanting to waste it on telling everyone that again as the way they all looked at him told him they weren’t going to believe him otherwise. 

“She’s the same girl from the video store, right?” Max suddenly asked, making Steve pause for a moment and she added before he could respond, “The girl’s whose number you couldn’t get.”

“What?” Steve asked. 

“She was at the video store,” Max repeated, “Come on, you remember. Lucas, you were there too.” 

Lucas looked confused and Max scoffed at him.

It had taken Steve a moment before he remembered what Max was talking about, how in the summer one of the first times you met was in the video store and Max had interacted with you for even a few seconds. 

“Yes, it’s the same girl,” Steve told her, and Max snapped her fingers and gave a pointed look to Dustin, “I told you it was her.” 

“How was I supposed to know that? I wasn’t even there , I was just relaying the information of Steve’s new girlfriend,” Dustin said, before Lucas was suddenly nodding. 

“Oh, oh I remember her now,” he said, then looked at Steve, “Wait, if she’s his girlfriend then that means he did get her number.” 

“I thought it was pretty much established that he didn’t,” Max replied to her boyfriend. Steve watched as the short back and forth ensued, Cassie looking in between the two everytime one talked, and his expression became bemused as Max ended with, “He didn’t get her number.” 

She was right, he didn’t, but why he was offended by that he had no clue, because from what he remembers- he didn’t even ask for your number that day, in fact it wasn’t until a few weeks after he did (he was NOT going to tell them that though)…soon the conversation turned toward you though in the span of a few seconds. 

“I like her, she seems nice,” El had said, and Will had agreed with his sister. 

“She’s also cool, remember when I told you guys she’s interested in learning to play Dungeons and Dragons, so already better than Steve,” Dustin said, and all of them full-heartedly agreed. Steve knew it was just meant to tease him, so he didn’t take that to heart that much. 

“Right, well, I was just checking on Cass, so watch your language and please don’t make my daughter think I’m lame with your comments,” Steve said, pointing at all of them, and it was almost majestic how all of them snorted one after the other for that comment. He scowled, and was about to turn before Cassie called out to him. 

She was getting out of her seat, and then standing in front of him as she asked, “When are you going to give her our gift?”

Steve blinked for a moment before answering, “We can do it now, go get her and I’ll go grab it from the car.” He was already digging into his pockets for his keys, but Cassie was stopping him. 

“I’m playing!” she declared, “You give her it.” 

Steve furrowed his brows at his daughter and asked, “Wait, so you don’t want to watch her open the gift we got her?”

His daughter was shaking her head, but Steve felt like he saw something in her eyes, something mischievous and all in all suspicious . 

“I think I’m getting sleepy too,” Cassie said, then yawned dramatically after. Steve squinted his eyes at her, wondering why she was acting so strangely.

“Just give her the gift yourself Steve, jeesh,” Mike called, anxious to get back to the campaign and spend as much time as possible on it before the clock struck 12. Steve gave him a look before looking back at Cassie who was giving him a very sleepy smile. Sighing, he nodded and said if she’s that tired then she should lay down before he kissed her head and turned to go back upstairs. 

Cassie watched her dad go, before she turned and eagerly skipped back in her chair between Max and Lucas. 

“What are you up to, Cassie?” Max asked suspiciously, and the little girl could only laugh.

Steve had left the house, grabbing the gift from the backseat and came back in to find you. You were in the living room, sitting on the couch beside Nancy and having a conversation when Steve was suddenly placing his hand on your shoulder to capture your attention. 

You hummed as you looked up at him, cheeks a little warm from the alcohol you’ve consumed since you arrived at this party and smiling sweetly at the sight of his soft stare. 

“Come with me,” Steve told you, and you nodded, turning to tell Nancy you’d be right back. Nancy held her drink up to her lips as she said, “It’s almost midnight, don’t be away long you guys.” 

You chuckled as you stood up, taking your cup with you as you followed Steve into the kitchen. You stopped in front of the island at the center, and turned to ask Steve if everything was alright only to be met with a bright red bag being held in front of your face. 

You blinked softly, your mind moving a little slow that it was indeed a gift for you. The gift that Heidi had told you he was getting you. 

“Oh you didn’t have to…” you said, gazing at the bag. Steve shook his head. 

“No, I wanted to…Cass threw something in there too for you, by the way, I think it was a huge candy cane and a pencil, sorry to spoil the surprise.” 

You chuckled at that, taking the bag from Steve and twisting around so you could place it on the counter. Steve moved to the other side of the counter, leaning on it with both forearms as he watched with his brown eyes you start to take out the red tissue paper. 

The candy cane showed up first, and it was pretty big, the middle of it wrapped with a big red bow with a tag that said from Cassie in all caps. You smiled warmly, setting it aside gently before digging more into the gift. You didn’t find a pencil, but you did find a bag of carrots tied with the same red ribbon as the candy cane.

You laughed loudly, before your other hand covered your mouth and you tried to contain that laugh especially when you looked up and saw Steve’s face. He was completely dumbfounded staring at the carrots. 

“What the…when the hell did she put those in there?” He asked, bewildered by the reveal, “She said she put a pencil in there!” He pointed at them, before he turned his head toward the entryway to the basement, where he knew Cassie still was, knowing that if she was here she’d be laughing just like you were. Maybe that was why she was acting so weird…she threw carrots in there without telling him. 

You held the bag of carrots to your chest and said, “ I love them. Don’t know what’s going to beat these to be honest, but we’ll see.” You shook the bag lightly, feeling that it was pretty heavy, and something clinked together in there.

Steve turned back to you, horrified by what you just did and you shook it again lightly to freak him out some more before setting the carrots down and digging deeper into the bag. Your hand wrapped around something, and you knew what it was before you even brought it out. 

It was a bottle of wine. 

“ Oh .”

You looked at it closely, already feeling your mouth water just a little and you said suspiciously, “How did you know I was out?” He laughed at that, leaning away to push his hair out of his face nervously before leaning back down.

“I remember you bought that like weeks ago,” Steve told you quickly, “Then you bought it again before Christmas…I assumed it would be gone.”

You grinned widely, and set it down. You really can’t believe he remembered that. 

“There’s more in there, like two more things. Robin helped me figure out what else to get you.” 

“Then I know it’ll be good ,” you teased, making his sweet smile turn into an amused one. You took out the next thing. It was a candle, a three-wick one to be precise and you gasped loudly, tearing off the tin lid and bringing it up to your nose. 

You welcomed the sweet, vanilla scent of it, and sighed loudly. Steve was staring at you expectantly, eyes a little concerned as if he was afraid you weren’t going to like it. 

“You like it? Because I like this candle too, a lot, I’ve gone through like three of them and I thought you’d like it too,” Steve told you, and you smelled it again. 

“Are you kidding? It smells so good,” you replied, still holding the candle up to your face, “It’s so sweet, thank you.” 

You inhaled it again, before setting that aside too. Steve continued to watch with anticipation as you finally pulled the last item out. It was wrapped in paper, so you meticulously removed it before you realized it was a mug that said ‘ World’s Best Teacher.’ A little cheesy, but incredibly sweet as he said, “I know you’re not a teacher yet, but hey…when you are , you have the mug to prove it.” 

You just stared at the mug, your cheeks hurting from how much you’d been smiling and you lifted your eyes to meet him as you thanked him, “Thank you Steve…and Cassie too wherever she is.” 

You set the mug down beside the other gifts, feeling slightly overwhelmed (and a little shameful as all you got Steve was a card and giftcard). You relayed this to him and he laughed softly at you. 

“I literally displayed that card,” Steve said, before his cheeks turned red with embarrassment that he’d just said that, and he coughed into his hand before asking, “So you liked them?”

You nodded, “Yes, although…I think the carrots were my favorite,” you said jokingly. Steve scoffed at you, though the smug grin on his lips showed that he knew it was just a joke, especially as he watched you gaze almost lovingly at the three things he chose for you. 

You loved the gifts, you loved the candle, the wine…the mug …you loved…

You paused your thoughts, as they were about to say you loved him . It was silly…ridiculous even…to say you loved him. You could lie to yourself and say the love you felt for him was platonic, but you knew it was a lie. You fell in love with Steve Harrington. 

He was still looking at you, still leaning on his forearms on the island across from you, brown eyes soft and warm. Your heart just bloomed in your chest, and butterflies just erupted in your stomach, and then…you were leaning in without thinking. 

Steve went still when he felt your lips against his, having not been expecting it, not at all. You were kissing him, literally kissing him. His mind short circuited and he couldn’t keep up with it, that when you pulled away he almost thought it didn’t happen if not for the tingle left on his lips by yours. 

“I…”

Your voice was breathless, and your eyes horrified as you realized what you had just done. You stepped back, pressing your lips, that were surely tingling like Steve’s were, together and you said, “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

Steve’s mind caught up with him in an instant, and he stood up straight, not wanting you to go all of a sudden. 

“Wait…” he told you, stepping out from behind the counter and moving toward you. His body was engulfed in warmth, mind with disbelief really at what just happened, and he stood in front of you, looking at you almost tenderly. 

You stared back at him, still embarrassed, body a little rigid and tense and he opened his mouth to say something more, anything, and he seemed to be stuck on what he wanted to say, eyebrows furrowing and a frown overcoming his lips before he dropped his head slightly and said, “Don’t be sorry.”

Your own eyebrows furrowed at this, cheeks heating up somehow even more , not understanding what he meant. Suddenly, you felt his hand on your cheek, his touch electrifying, and then his hand was underneath your chin, making you tilt your head upward.

Your breath hitched, not being able to take your eyes off of him. His own brown gaze had flickered downward, resting on yours lips, the lips that were just on his and then…his eyes met yours and he was leaning in again. 

You held your breath.

Then, just as you felt his lips just barely graze yours, the sound of somebody running up the stairs ripped you and Steve out of this moment. He was stepping away from you quickly, and you backed up too, your back hitting the wall just as the door was flung open and Max, Lucas, and Dustin were there wearing their New Years Party hats with a noisemaker in each of their mouths. Dustin had two in his mouth though, weirdly. 

“It’s almost time for the ball to drop,” Dustin stated, voice muffled as he shifted to the side to let Mike, El, and Will walk by the both of them, stalking toward the living room. Cassie was behind them, wearing a party hat and holding another in her hand, which she held out to you. 

“Let’s go!” she said eagerly. You couldn’t really deny her, just standing almost motionlessly as Cassie took your hand and began to pull you. You cast one last look at Steve, who was just standing there with an unreadable expression on his features. 

It was Lucas who stood there silently, looking between both you and Steve, seeing whatever it was that Max and Dustin (and understandably Cassie) seemed to not be seeing at this moment, unless they were just ignoring it. He crossed his arms and hummed quietly to himself. 

Cassie managed to pull you away then, smiling cheekily as she dragged you toward the living room where everyone would be gathered when they ring in the New Year. Steve watched Cassie take you away, expression turning almost sad .

“Hello? Earth to Steve?” Dustin said, then blew the noisemakers, making Steve jump and give him a look. 

“I heard you, Henderson, jeesh,” Steve said, turning so he could place all your gifts back into the bag. They watched him do so, Lucas with a now knowing look in his eyes and Max with a raised brow. Steve walked to the living room without looking at any of them. 

They watched him go and Lucas said, “They definitely just made out or something.” 

“Well, why wouldn’t they? They’re dating,” Max replied, walking away first. Lucas huffed and followed after her while Dustin stared at the empty kitchen, knowing that Steve and you weren’t actually dating and just playing along with the joke. 

He shook his head and said, “ Seriously ?” to himself.

✧ ✧ ✧

It was almost two weeks into the New Year, and with Cassie starting school up again, Steve dove himself into work. He did this because it was the only thing that kept him from thinking about New Years, from thinking about you . 

And it was hard work because now that he knew how your lips felt against his, he couldn’t stop thinking about you, every crevice of his mind was overtaken by you. You consumed him completely, and if it took focusing on making ten USS butterscotches, rewinding tapes all night, or restocking a bunch of ravioli cans to get him back to a more stable state of mind, that’s what he was going to have to do. 

In the meantime, you had been doing the same. One of the assistant teachers had been out for a while for the afterschool program at Hawkins Elementary, and you offered to fill in. It was easy enough to distract you, as you were doing what you loved and wanted to do for a living, but the moment you were left with your thoughts it was just of Steve and you felt confused, a bit ashamed, and incredibly heated, as when you closed your eyes you could still see the way he looked at you, and feel his large hand on your chin, so close to leaning in and kissing you again. 

Your heart fluttered in your chest at the memory, and heat pooled in your stomach. 

Then, the shame would settle in cruelly, because now it felt like you couldn’t be around the guy, too embarrassed, and fearful that he didn’t want to be around you. You felt sick at the thought of that. 

Until the day Cassie came to see you. 

The conversation had been brief, considering it was at the school library, and it ended with her asking you to join her and her dad ice skating.

“I…I’m not sure, Cass,” you said, voice soft as you were still in the library. She was holding a stack of paperback books, and was shaking her head.

“But you have to, it’s going to close, and you said you could teach me to skate,” Cassie declared, making you sigh at the little girl. 

“ Roller skate,” you replied, and she shrugged then paused before she batted her eyelashes at you and said, “My daddy wants you there, he said we can go only if you go.” 

You stared at Cassie, watching as she said ‘ pleaseeeee’ before sticking her bottom lip out to really sell the puppy dog look she was giving you. You weren’t sure if she was telling you the truth about that, as Steve would’ve called you, but you also didn’t want to say no to Cassie. 

She had made that expression to you before, when she was practically begging you to help her and Steve bake, and you didn’t have Steve to scold her. You knew then that you were for sure going to join them ice skating, and your stomach twisted at the mere thought of seeing Steve. 

What the hell were you going to say to him? You felt like puking, the anxiety was too much, but Cassie had got you to agree to it. Saturday, tomorrow , at Scoops Ahoy in Starcourt (As the skating rink was set up in their parking lot). She had skipped away with a smile on her lips, probably happy knowing she got her way. 

✧ ✧ ✧

It wasn’t a busy day at Scoops Ahoy, as it usually goes in the Winter. There were quite a few people who enjoyed a nice scoop of ice cream or a sundae on even a day as cold as this one, which was probably the coldest day of the season. Still, even with those types of people it wasn’t busy, so Steve was able to easily hold down the fort on his own until his shift ended.

He mainly stayed in the back, doing extra work in counting the inventory of the freezer. He made sure, too, to stay close to the window, so he could hear if any customers approached the counter.

Eventually, the bell did ring, taking his focus away from the numbers on the clipboard he was currently looking over. He didn’t look up, wanting to finish what he was doing first, so instead he called, “Be with you in a moment!” His voice muffled as he had a pen between his lips.

He pulled the pen off of its cap, and it remained between his lips as he quickly jotted something down beside the vanilla ice cream portion. When he finished, he suddenly felt compelled to look up. When he did, he almost spit the cap out on the floor. 

It was the person who had been plaguing his every thought when it wasn’t focused on a task, the person whose lips had touched his if even for a second. It was you , and he had to blink a few times, wondering if he’d become so overworked that he hallucinated you. 

When you smiled sweetly at him, and waved a gloved hand at him, he knew for sure you were real. 

He’d never seen you here before, never , and he suddenly felt, for the first time since high school, very self-conscious in his silly uniform. Thank god he decided to go without the sailor hat today. He very quickly started to move, setting the clipboard aside and taking the cap out of his mouth before he smiled back at you and scrambled to the door that led back to behind the counter. 

“Hey!” Steve said, his voice a little higher than usual, especially when he saw you did a quick glance at the uniform, and he quickly asked, “What- what are you doing here?” 

At his question you lifted your eyes at him and tilted your head as you replied, “I uh…Cassie told me to come. I don’t see her anywhere though?” 

You turned away from Steve, as if not wanting to make eye contact with him as you gestured around the parlor, which made his heart tear, but not when he realized what you had just said. Cassie told you to come?

“Wait- she told you to come here? Right now?” he asked. You nodded, finally looking at him. 

“Yeah, she said something about going ice skating with you both? And well, she conned me into agreeing,” you said, then laughed lamely at your own joke. Steve didn’t laugh, not because he didn’t find it funny, in fact he liked when you laughed at your own remarks, but because…Cassie wasn’t here , and they never discussed going ice skating. Well they did, but the answer was no . 

“If you don’t want me to join because- well- I mean- you know - I can go, I really don’t mind,” you were starting to say, but Steve was suddenly resting his hands on his waist and shook his head.

“No! Well…I mean…I think she conned both of us,” he replied incredulously, “We’re not…she’s not even here - I won’t even see her until tomorrow because she’s at a sleepover.”

This had visibly taken you off guard, your eyebrows that were once furrowed were not raising before you opened your mouth and let out a breath. 

“She is?” you asked, “When was that planned?” 

“Earlier this week,” Steve replied, shaking his head in disbelief. What was Cassie thinking? Creating a fake plan and making you come all the way down here? He was genuinely confused by her strange behavior. Immediately, he started to apologize for her, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know why she would even do that. I mean, I know she wants to go ice skating really bad, but- I didn’t think she’d make something up in order to go ice skating, but, she’s not even here -” 

“No, no it’s okay, maybe I misheard her,” you said, though you were sure you didn’t, but decided to convince yourself that you did. You rather ended up laughing, finding a bit of amusement in the situation. Steve listened to your laugh, the awkward feeling he dreaded when he would see you again was replaced with a familiar warmth.

He laughed too, finally. 

“I know you said it’s okay, but yeah I’m sorry,” he said after laughing, and you nodded. 

“Well…since I’m here I can’t help but recall…” you trailed off, and Steve’s stomach twisted pleasantly, thinking you were going to bring up that New Years kiss, but you lifted your eyes away from him and looked at the menu before finishing with, “...that you said you’d make me a…what was it? A USS Butterscotch ?” 

Steve tilted his head, then laughed breathlessly as he remembered he did technically say he’d treat you to some free ice cream that night. Your eyes averted back to his, and he reached to grab his scooper from his uniform and flipped it expertly as he said, “Coming right up…and maybe, if you want , just to get Cassie back…we could go ice skating and make sure to tell her all about it.” 

The thought made you giggle, imagining his daughter’s face realizing her whatever little trick she had planned backfired and that they still went ice skating without her. 

Soon you were sitting at a booth, Steve sitting across from you and pushing the well-made sundae toward you, then he slid over a spoon as well. 

“I think this is the best one I’ve made,” he admitted to you, though his leg was still bouncing underneath the table, nervous for some reason that you’d hate it. He felt ridiculous because it was ice cream and he’s never met anyone who hated it, especially if it was free and as beautiful as the sundae he just made for you. 

“I like the cones as sails,” you commented, leaning down to admire the piece of art he’d made in an Ice Cream parlor, “It’s cute .”

“ Cute , yeah it is,” he said, though he wasn’t looking at the sundae and you noticed it. You smiled, your heart pacing in your chest before you took the plastic spoon from him, grazing your fingers with his in the process. That was an accident, but a happy one as Steve sucked in a tight breath as he watched you scoop some onto your spoon, taking a cherry one one of the scoops with it. 

It was good, really good, so much that you went for a second spoonful immediately and Steve grinned, “Enjoying it?” 

“This is delicious, damn, I bet it tastes even better in the summer,” you said before taking another spoonful, “Also, I didn’t say , but I love the uniform.” 

You meant it too, the sailor costume suited him somehow, and you thought the shorts looked pretty good on him too. You did feel bad, just a bit, that he had to wear shorts during the winter though. 

His cheeks turned red, and it made you chuckle into your spoon, “Hard to believe no girls liked you when you first worked here, honestly, I think I would’ve been in here everyday to see King Steve serve ice cream.” 

“Believe me, I would’ve had a much better time if you were in here all the time back then,” Steve replied, “You’d probably skate in on your disco roller skates or something, because more than likely you would’ve worked at the old skating rink.”

“ Old skating rink?” you asked, and he nodded and told you that there had been a skating rink where the mall’s arcade is now, but there was a fire a few years back and they never brought it back. You hummed with interest as you ate more of the ice cream. 

“Yeah, they had these uniforms too, not as ridiculous as this ,” he said, patting himself on the chest, “But it was vibrant, and I think they had to wear glow sticks , and then they’d be playing disco music constantly, you would’ve loved it.” 

“Was…” you suddenly paused, the question you were about to ask feeling like one that would overstep a boundary. Steve tilted his head curiously at you, and you shook your head as you averted your attention back to the ice cream. 

“What?” 

“Nothing,” you replied quickly, “Just a dumb question I don’t need the answer to.”

“Well, now I gotta know, come on…just ask,” Steve said, feeling his heart starting to blossom in his chest. He wondered if you were going to ask about New Years, even though it would seem quite random in the conversation. 

You set the spoon into the sundae, and said, “I was just going to ask if…Cassie’s mom was one of those girls.” 

Steve paused, not expecting that out of all questions. It’s never come up in conversation with the both of you, but it wasn’t all surprising after a second of contemplation. She had been looming over him lately. He shifted in his spot, and inhaled before he said, “Nah. She actually knew me before …we were actually friends …but…yeah it’s a long story. It uh…we actually worked at the video store together after me and Robin got fired from Scoops and well..yeah you know…I guess it does say something that we didn’t get together when I worked here.”

You were relieved he had replied. He leaned back in the booth, a troubled look coming over his features as if he didn’t know what else to say, and you cleared your throat as you ate another scoop then set the spoon down. 

“Sorry for asking, it isn’t my place,” you said, cheeks turning warm and feeling stupid, but he quickly shook his head. 

“No, no , it’s alright,” he said, “I mean Cassie had a mom, obviously, she’s just not here and I can’t be mad at you for being curious.” 

You smiled tightly, and he reached up to smooth his hair back before he exhaled softly and said, sensing you weren’t convinced it was okay, “Seriously. It’s okay. I can even tell you more actually, if you want. She…she was my friend once, then we weren’t friends for a while because she skipped town, then one day she came back and we were friends again and uh…then well… a year later Cassie was born and she left again .” 

He was purposely not telling you specifics, and you weren’t going to press him, still feeling like you were overstepping even though he assured you that you weren’t. You took the spoon again, messing with the ice cream and tearing your eyes away from him as you said, “I’m sorry.” 

Steve shook his head again, then waved his hand for added effect, “You don’t have to be sorry about anything…you know…like on New Years.” 

At the mention of it, you froze, having thought that him not mentioning it meant there was silent agreement to not bring it up and just forget it. You were doing so well not being so awkward. You looked up at him, seeing his cheeks were a little pink before he leaned both hands on the table between you and shot you a sweet grin, and he said, “We were both a little tipsy.” 

For some reason, that made your heart drop and you realized you maybe thought he was going to declare his love for you or something. Not wanting to show it on your face, you were quick to take another scoop of ice cream and stick the spoonful in your mouth before you forced yourself to laugh.

Steve’s eyes flickered your expression without you noticing, a frown flashing over his lips before he too forced a laugh out. Then, both of you were saved by the bell. He turned his head, seeing a family standing by the counter and his eyes flashed to the clock. This would for sure be his last customer before clocking out, before you both go ice skating to spite his trickster of a daughter. 

Meanwhile, as he excused himself, you made it your goal to finish the sundae as a distraction from the conflicted feelings that were stirring inside of you. 

15 minutes had passed then, and before you knew it Steve was emerging from the backroom in a dark red sweatshirt and loose dark gray sweatpants while holding his winter coat in one arm. He certainly looked like someone who was expecting to go straight home after work, because after all it wasn’t planned and you told him that you didn’t have to ice skate if he’d rather go home. 

“No way. I’m not gonna let Cass do this to us without consequences,” he said as he shrugged on his coat, then helped you put yours back on like it was second nature. You didn’t even notice as you put your arms through the sleeves and he pat your shoulders down. 

“We could always just say we went ice skating,” you said, and Steve shook his head. 

“No, we’re doing this for real,” he said, determined to go ice skating even if it was starting to snow outside again, because after all the ice skating rink was set up in the parking lot of Starcourt. Couples, families, groups of teens already with their rental skates on skating in a circle by the time you were out there with Steve, holding your respective rental skates.

After getting the skates on, you placed your beanie on your head, and then your gloves while Steve pulled random gloves from his coat pocket and placed them on his hands as well. You wondered if he was warm enough as you observed him, eyes flickering over the snowflakes that decorated the strands of his brunette hair. 

You were a bit jealous of them, then felt ridiculous for being jealous of a damn snowflake. You scowled at your silly thoughts as you stood up, balancing on the skates with ease and Steve lifted his head at you then did the same. Although, he wasn’t as elegant as you. Immediately his arms spread out, and his legs twisted awkwardly. 

“Oh shit ,” he said, desperately trying to balance on the blades and you could only stand there staring at him, amusement replacing your self-embarrassment. 

“Are you good?” you asked, and after a moment he managed to keep still and without looking up from the ground he replied, “Totally. I’m totally good. Don’t worry about me.” 

You furrowed your brows before you said, “Have you ice skated before Steve?” 

“ Yeah ,” he said, trying to step toward you confidently but then cursing when his foot bent slightly. You caught his hands this time, laughing softly, “I’m just not, you know, good at it.”

“I find that hard to believe,” you said, letting his hands grip yours tightly as he found his balance again. You weren’t even on the ice yet. At your words, Steve lifted his head to meet your eyes, and your faces were in such close proximity that his cheeks grew warm. 

“What do you mean?” he asked. 

“Just Robin went on about how you were good at everything in high school,” you teased, starting to step backward toward the ice. Steve grasped your hands tighter, and replied with a nervous laugh, “Everyone has their weakness. I wasn’t a hockey player, I was a basketball, baseball, tennis, badminton…” he trailed off purposely with other sports that had nothing to do with ice skating, making you giggle. 

“Are you sure you want to do this then? Like I said we could always just say we went ice skating,” you said as you were right at the ice. Steve nodded confidently. 

“I mean, I already got the skates on, and then I have a skater to help me so…” 

“Well, I am better at roller skating…but if we both fall and get hurt at least we’ll have evidence we went ice skating,” you said, half-joking as you yourself were a bit nervous. You were for sure more of a roller skater than an ice skater, but it seemed like Steve didn’t know the difference. A skater was good at all kinds of skating to him. 

“God the last thing I need is to get injured,” he said, hands still clasped tightly around yours, “ Oh my god .” 

You were on the ice now, gliding backwards and pulling Steve with you. His legs spread out, he nearly fell onto you as you laughed. 

“Should we have brought Cassie’s elbow and knee pads for you?” You teased again, and he laughed sarcastically.

“Ha. Ha. Very funny,” he said then panicked when he almost slipped, and would’ve fallen had you not been holding onto him, “Yup, yup this was a bad idea,” he told you, eyes wide and cheeks even more red from embarrassment and the cold weather. 

You shook your head and said, “We’re already here! Come on, let’s at least skate one lap.” 

From afar there was a shout, then laughter and you both turned your heads to see someone had fallen and their friends were laughing at them. They flipped them off before moving to stand, and Steve grimaced, already imagining that to be him . 

“Here,” you removed one hand from his, and his eyes grew even wider, believing for a second you were going to do what some parents do when teaching their kids how to swim, just throwing them into the water so their survival instincts kick in (except you were going to leave him, a grown man, on a sheet of ice wearing knives for shoes), but you kept a firm hold on one hand, “Just focus on staying balanced, and if you think you’re going to fall…well let me go so I don’t go down either .” 

Steve glided away from you, but found a nice balance by just holding your hand. Truth be told, he was starting to get an idea, as it really wasn’t his first time ice skating. Just after the first time he vowed never to do it again, yet, here he was with the woman he couldn’t stop thinking about even before that tipsy (though you both knew you were anything but tipsy that night) willingly ice skating. 

“ One lap ,” Steve told you, and you squeezed his hand. 

“One lap,” you repeated, then grinned as you glided forward, Steve’s wobbling legs struggling to follow suit. 

From an outsider's perspective, you and Steve appeared to be a couple on some sort of date, and since there were people there who recognized the pair to be you and Steve, such as Holly Wheeler with her friends, and a few faculty members of Hawkins Elementary, it seemed to them that it was a date. That you and Steve, as they all suspected, were together romantically. 

Your laughs could be heard by them as you passed by, and whenever you were looking forward, Steve would be looking at you with adoration in brown eyes, blinking only to get the snowflakes off of his thick lashes because he didn’t want to have any other reason to take his eyes off of you. 

He was clearly, so desperately, in love with you from the eyes of others, clear to everyone but the two people it should be clear to. As far as you both knew (or convinced yourselves really), you were just friends who decided to skate together in the beginning of the final snow storm of the season, as the wind picked up and the snowfall became more frequent. 

You had skated more than one lap, your hands not leaving each other even once as you shared this moment together, and you would’ve gone for more had the rink decided not to close early. Both of you were disappointed, hating that the fun was over so soon, hating that you’d have to leave each other again, all so you both can go home and lay in your respective beds with warmth bursting in your stomachs at the thought of the other. You would both look at the phones, thinking if you should call the other, if the other would pick up right away because these feelings were killing them too. 

It seemed though that the night wouldn’t end that way, as Steve had walked you to your car like the gentleman he was, and it didn’t start . You were practically shivering as you attempted to start it again, twisting the key in the ignition and getting nothing. 

“Well damn ,” you said with a scowl, and a chatter of your teeth as Steve furrowed his eyebrows before he cursed himself. 

“I said I’d look at your car and I never did,” he said, finding a way to blame himself for your predicament, but you were quick to brush it off. 

“No it’s my fault, I had plenty of chances to get it looked at and I just…never did,” you laughed, feeling foolish, “It would break down in the middle of a snow storm though.” 

Steve laughed too, though it was more of a pity laugh before he said he’d be more than happy to take you home, promising that there’d be working heat in his car. You didn’t have to be asked twice, letting him lead you toward his familiar car. 

✧ ✧ ✧

The blizzard had gotten worse by the time Steve pulled up to your house, pulling the car into your empty driveway carefully with a hyperfocus driver’s in the snow should have. His lights were barely able to capture your garage door, stepping on the breaks as he did. Your seatbelt locked, and you bounced forward slightly as he quickly apologized. 

“It’s so bad out there, god,” you commented, not blaming him for almost crashing into your garage. You also silently thought to yourself it was just as well that your car broke down and Steve had to take you home. You probably would’ve never made it here had you had to drive alone from Starcourt. 

“ Yeah ,” Steve agreed, looking through the windshield as the wipers worked overtime to get the snow off, “I hope I can get home in this.” He shook his head with discontentment, and you blinked, an idea popping in your mind. 

“You don’t have to…we can put your car in the garage, and you can stay until it dies down a little?” you suggested innocently. Steve looked at you now, looking quite touched by your invitation and you offered a small smile. 

“Would it be okay to ask for something hot? Like coffee?” he asked you, and you chuckled. 

“You read my mind.”

It’s how you found yourself in your kitchen with Steve Harrington for the second time, except this time neither of you were covered in various baking ingredients. You were in front of your french coffee press, the thick scent of coffee beans filling the atmosphere. Steve was rubbing his hands together, desperate to feel some kind of heat as your heater was barely kicking on.

The wind blew outside, causing the boards of your windows to knock together loudly and then your house to shake momentarily as well. Steve looked around, and then blew into his hands as he said, “You mind if I take the couch? I doubt this is going to go down anytime soon.” 

You glanced at him, the idea of him sleeping over making your heart leap of your chest, as you felt the last thing you needed was the man you desperately wanted romantically, but couldn’t have to be sleeping under the same roof as you. You wouldn’t be able to sleep, but who would you be to refuse a friend , especially in a storm like this. 

You poured coffee into one of the mugs you had taken out of the cupboard, clearing your throat as you said, “No, I don’t mind, I’ll get some extra blankets and pillows after this…I actually wonder if Cassie is okay.” 

“Oh I know she’s loving this,” Steve replied, noticing you were pouring coffee into a mug and staring at the steaming mug with anticipation, “She’s probably only upset she’s not home because when blizzards like this happen I usually make her hot chocolate and we sit in the kitchen just listening to it or in the living room staring out the window. Weather like this intrigues her.” 

You smiled, and said, “That’s good. I’d be scared to death at her age, honestly.”

You held the mug out for Steve and he gladly took it, inhaling deeply and practically moaning. You laughed at that, cheeks becoming inflamed as you put creamer into your coffee to sweeten it up. Steve did the same. 

“Yeah, me too,” he replied to your prior statement, “I actually used to think the house was going to blow away and we’d end up halfway across the country.” 

“Honestly, at this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised,” you said just as another sharp gust of wind passed and gave a violent shake to the house. Steve looked around again, looking nervous now that it may be true, but the number of blizzards he went through in his childhood alone was enough evidence to know that it simply wasn’t possible. It was one of the main reasons he made sure Cassie wouldn’t have to endure a bad storm or blizzard like this alone.

Steve took a sip of his coffee then, not caring that it was still too hot to drink, and just wanting to feel some kind of warmth as it seemed your heater was struggling to fight against the cold. It should’ve been the first sign that something was going to happen. 

You leaned into your counter, holding your own mug with both hands and breathing in the steam deeply and closing your eyes.

“This is kind of nice, actually,” you admitted as you took a sip as well, listening to the harsh winds and Steve agreed.

“Thanks for letting me stay, by the way,” he told you, “I thought maybe I’d be pushing it by asking.”

You shook your head, as your concern wasn’t with him overstepping any kind of boundary. 

“Don’t. I mean, we’re friends, Steve,” you willed yourself to say into your coffee.

Steve averted his eyes to yours, seeing you were looking mindlessly at nothing, and he pressed his lips together before breathlessly saying, “ Yeah , friends.”

You both silently drank your coffee, enjoying its warmth and enjoying the way it eased the sudden awkwardness between the two of you. It was a perfect distraction, for the time being, until you both wanted more.

As you poured a second round of coffee into his mug, Steve cleared his throat and said, “ Great coffee.” 

You thanked him cheekily, and Steve dragged the mug closer to him, keeping his gaze on you as you poured more into your own mug. He didn’t know what to say, unsure, but there was a sudden hard gust of wind, and then it sounded like something crashed . You both had jumped, you were thankfully not holding the coffee, and before either of you could question what just happened, you were suddenly engulfed in darkness. 

“God, the lights went out!” you called, hands grasping your kitchen counter as you navigated in the darkness. Steve noticed you sounded further into the kitchen, and blinked his eyes a few times trying to adjust to the sudden darkness. 

“Got any flashlights?” Steve asked you, speaking the direction of a drawer being opened and rummaged through. 

“In the garage,” you told him, and then he saw a small flicker of light. You were holding an ignited match, and then, you were lighting a candle to at least give some light for your venture to the garage.

You approached Steve then, holding the lit up candle in your hand and Steve was immediately met with the familiar vanilla scented candle he had in his own house, the same candle he had gifted you on New Years. 

“Hey…I know this candle,” Steve said, and you chuckled softly as you replied, “ Yeah , huh, it’s like you knew we’d need this.” 

Steve inhaled deeply, loving the smell and you did the same, and said, “I love it so much.” 

Your face was illuminated by the candlelight, casting a pretty glow on your features and Steve had to release a breath, a breath of which almost blew the candle out. This made you laugh and lean away from him to make sure he didn’t and told him to follow you. 

You and him had gone into your garage, you picking out the flashlights that Steve turned on so you more light than the candle. It was the harsh cold in there that made you both realize that if the power was out, then you wouldn’t have your heater . 

“We’re going to freeze,” you said in a dreadful tone, already feeling a chill coming over you. Steve was holding your only working flashlight, and shined it around your living room as he said something about body warmth , before he paused and said, “We can light a fire? Have any wood?” 

You promptly looked over his body warmth comment, since he seemed to do so, and you paused as you remembered that in early December Heidi’s husband had given you a bunch of firewood because he had cut too many. You had planned to use it, but never found the time to actually start a fire, so it simply sat in your garage. You relayed this to Steve, and he seemed more than happy to go and get them. 

“We should bring all the blankets and pillows you have out here so we can sit on the floor,” Steve told you, and you nodded, turning to go grab those while Steve busied himself with starting a fire. You had decided, as well, that you were going to light various candles, or at least the ones you could find. 

You placed them on a few surfaces located in your living room, and just as you set down the last one, a fire was ignited in your fireplace and Steve was leaning over it, rubbing his hands in front of the growing flames and nodding as if proud of himself that you weren’t going to freeze to death, not on his watch. 

The sight made you smile, thankful that Steve was here and thankful that you never used the firewood. He turned then, looking around the dimly lit living room as he noticed there were more candles and you watched his brown eyes flicker all over the room until they finally found you. 

“Ah, there you are, come on, it’s warmer right here,” Steve told you, and you set down the candle and obliged. You fell to the ground next to him, not before grabbing one of your blankets, and sighed at the heat that emitted from the well lit fire. 

“Better?” he asked you and nodded. 

“ Yeah ,” you said, holding your hands out to the flame and Steve gave a nod as he said, “Good.” 

After getting a bit warm, Steve suddenly laughed and said, “Got any more of that wine I got you? Could help warm us up a bit more.” 

You were quick to stand, loving that idea, and Steve seemed surprised that you in fact did have the wine. You took the flashlight, and he listened to a bit of rustling in the kitchen and the sound of a cabinet being opened and closed followed by the sound of glasses clinking. 

As you were setting everything on the counter, there was another gust of wind that shook the house violently, and you almost dropped one of the glasses. You looked around, then shook your head and wondered as you grabbed the wine if you had a battery operated stereo. 

You did, actually, and thought Steve might appreciate something playing over the harsh sound of the blizzard going on outside…even if it was just disco music. 

It actually amused Steve, as he poked at the growing fire, and then started to busy himself with setting up the blankets and pillows you had thrown on the floor more comfortably, when he suddenly heard music from behind him. 

“So we don’t have to listen to this blizzard threatening to blow my house across the country,” you said with a giggle as you walk toward him, already feeling the warmth of the crackling fire. Steve grinned, and told you it was a good idea and you settled onto the floor beside him, holding out a wine glass to him. 

“Is this the same one I got you on New Years, or is it a whole new one?” Steve asked you as he took the wine from you, determined to be the one to pour it like the gentleman he was. 

“It’s the same one,” you said, holding out your own glass and watching him pour the dark liquid in it, “I didn’t have time to drink it…and if I did, we would’ve even had any because I wouldn’t have had time to get another anyway…” 

“Well, thank goodness for a busy schedule,” Steve joked as he finished pouring some into his own glass and he lifted it toward you, “Cheers.” 

You clink your glass with his with a soft laugh before you settled into the nest of pillows and blankets and begin sipping your wine. The house warmed up gradually, or at least in the living room where you sat, and the wine, even after a couple of sips, was doing its job as well. You felt a warm heat settle in you caused by the alcohol, and was growing more content with the situation you found yourself in with Steve. 

Plus, the fire was pleasant to just stare at him, the wood crackling and embers glowing. 

After another minute of silence, Steve turned to you and said almost jokingly, “So…I’m gonna be here for a while. Plenty of time for us to exchange our life story, actually.”

He laughed softly after and so did you, but then another silence fell before the both of you.

As Steve sat there, thinking about how to follow up with that, he suddenly thought of your question from earlier in Scoops Ahoy, and while he really didn’t mind you asking, he did wonder why you asked anyway. So, he brought it up again and that dread crossed your face was apparent. 

He thought it was cute though, seeing you distressed about it when you didn’t need to be and said, “I just wanna know. Did someone say anything because this town talks.”

You turned to him, leaning your elbow on the couch you were leaning on and told him that Heidi had brought it up, which didn’t surprise him.

“I was just curious,” you said lamely, “We were talking about you, and then it just came up about her leaving or something.”

Steve was about to sip his wine but stopped midway, ears almost perking like a dog’s reaction to the sound of a crinkling bag when he heard you and Heidi were talking about him. 

“You were talking about me?” He asked, adding a teasing element to his voice. You looked at him, and scoffed slightly, seeing him grin slyly at you even in the dim lighting from the fire.

You were going to lie to him, say that he was brought up in conversation because of Cassie or some school event, but something suddenly compelled you to tell the truth of the contents of the conversation before the New Year’s party, before you kissed him and he almost kissed you again. You brought your wine up to your lips, downing most of it in order to muster up whatever courage you could.

Steve was already holding the wine bottle out in order to refill your glass. You held it out to him as you spoke.

“Well, she was just saying that you’ve never spent so much time with another woman since Cassie’s mom,” you said, keeping your eyes on Steve to observe his reaction, “She seems to think that it’s because you like me…”

Saying it outloud had you inwardly cringing, as you felt like a teenager again trying to tell her crush that she likes him and hopes he likes her too. These feelings had a way of bringing that out, so much that you just kept talking.

“I keep telling her we’re just friends though,” you added quickly when he was done pouring wine, “But you probably know how she is…” 

As you continued to talk, finding excuses for what you’d just said, Steve could only watch you, drinking his own glass of wine, slightly amused by your rambling. 

“But that’s a lie because she did tell me that you had seen someone else, I don’t know her name but-”

“Brenda?” Steve said, and the sound of him speaking and you froze, realizing you had started to ramble and immediately shrunk in your spot as you forced yourself to meet his eyes and shrugged weakly. He sipped the rest of his wine, then went to pour more in his own glass, “God, this town probably knows more about my life than I do.” 

He laughed weakly, and you sighed. 

“I don’t purposely go around asking about you, by the way, I like to learn whatever it is about you with you, like now,” you said nervously, and Steve half-smiled at that. 

“Even if you did, I can't blame you, I don’t really talk about that part of my life because…well I’m more concerned with Cassie,” he said, then coughed slightly, “But uh- what else did she tell you?” 

You blinked softly, then said, half-lying to yourself, “For the record I don’t take her words to heart…but she said that…well you never did things with Brenda that you do with me.” 

Steve was very quickly reminded by Robin’s words the first night was back in Hawkins for a visit. She was right, Steve thought, Steve doesn’t just let people in his life. He doesn’t just invite anyone to Thanksgiving, and now New Years , go apple-picking with anyone who isn’t his daughter, and or suggest going ice skating when he knew he wasn’t very good at it. He doesn’t do these things, not since…well Robin had brought that up too . 

“It’s silly, I try not to think too much about it because-” 

“She’s right,” Steve suddenly said, and stared at the flames of the fire for a moment before he continued to say, “I didn’t do any of that with her…I haven’t done a lot of things with anyone since Cassie’s mom…until now that is.” 

It was a big step for him to even say anything, feeling slightly nervous, and you tilted your head gently. He pressed his lips together before chuckling breathlessly, hating that the thought of her mom in this context still bugged him so bad. 

But he did say you both would have time to share each other’s life stories, even though it was jokingly. He sipped his wine again, then licked his lips nervously before he said, “I was just not comfortable letting anyone into Cassie’s life, and she had told me she understood and would be okay with it…but I guess she changed her mind and forgot to let me know.” 

“So it just didn’t work out,” you said, and he nodded. 

“Yeah, and it made feel terrible, and stupid honestly, but…Cassie’s my number one priority, and always will be…after what happened with her mom…I have a hard time with you know, romance ,” he laughed bitterly at the end of his sentence, and it made you frown as you could tell it wasn’t out of amusement. 

“Did you love her?” 

It seemed only natural to the conversation for you to ask.

“Did I love Brenda? No,” he said, then felt bad how easily he said it, “God that sounds so bad...it just wasn’t really a loss like Cassie’s mom had been. Only disappointing.”

You pressed your lips together gently, then said, “So you loved Cassie’s mom.”

Steve paused. He never really thought of her in that aspect anymore, as he struggled to admit he had any romantic feelings toward her because of the frustration of her just leaving Cassie. But he did love her, he couldn’t change that…

“We were never… together though, always just friends, and when she came back to Hawkins a year after we graduated and worked together at the Video Store…we decided to hook up. It was one night, and then…she was pregnant,” Steve told this without warning really, but you were intrigued by the story you wouldn’t admit that you wanted to hear. You’d rather it from him, then anyone else to know what happened. 

“So… yeah I did love her, at least after, I mean, she was pregnant with our child you know? Totally unplanned, and I wasn’t about to just leave her, so I stayed and then I fell in love…but I guess I was the only one...to fall in love and to stay.”

He downed the rest of his coffee, and you took a sip of yours. 

“That’s… a lot ,” you said truthfully, not knowing what else to even say. Steve nodded. 

“Yeah, yeah you’re telling me,” he said, placing his mug down for the last time, “What about you? Have any tragic love stories?” He was attempting to lighten the mood after his short rant, and you could only shake your head. 

“Like that one? No , I’ve never had the time,” you said, which was something Steve could relate to, “I was really into my studies, always to myself, I barely even had friends …then you know, my dad got sick, so I stopped my life to be with him at the end of his...and now here I am.” 

You gestured around the room, and Steve shook his head as if he were in disbelief, “Really? Is it just me, the single dad in the room, who has a tragic love story?”

You laughed and shrugged, and he said, “Yeah…it’s rough , but…at least I have Cassie…and well… you .” 

He was taking a risk saying that to you, knowing he meant more than just as a friend. You found yourself smiling weakly at that, the heat of the room and alcohol intermixing with the normal warmth Steve always made you feel.

You sipped your wine slowly then, and you asked him if he could tell you what happened with Cassie’s mom. Steve looked torn by the question, eyes falling to the wine as he swirled it nervously and let out a breath. 

“I still don’t know the answer to that,” Steve said bitterly, then shook his head, “For a while, we just co-parented you know, then one day she dropped Cassie off and just…never came back.”

You looked saddened by his words, and Steve took another long sip of his wine, finishing his second glass. You grabbed the bottle, pouring some more in your glass before holding it out for Steve. He held his glass out, thanking you quietly. He hated talking about this, but maybe it was time he did. 

“Did you ever find her?” 

Steve shook his head, laughing bitterly at that. 

“Nope, and I tried. I really did, but…she just vanished off the face of earth.” 

You kept your gaze on the side of Steve’s face, even as you sipped your wine. You could barely see him in the dim lighting of the fire that was still ablaze in your fireplace beside the both of you. Steve sighed, rotating his wine glass again before he started to speak again.

“I was so fucking mad,” he admitted,  “Not because I had to take care of Cassie myself, no I could handle that, I was practically doing it already, it was just…you know… Cassie . She didn’t understand that her mom just left her.”

The memories of those days that followed flooded through his mind, memories that still made Steve mad. Cassie was so young, too young, and he remembered how every morning she would sit in the living room by the window just waiting for her mom to show up. He kept looking for her during those days, calling around, even actively going out , but her trailer was practically abandoned, everything left behind but all her clothes, the same suitcase she used when she stayed with Steve and his parents during the last month of her pregnancy, and her car. She just dropped Cassie off and left, and it was planned. 

He didn’t realize his fists were clenching, and his body was becoming tense. You did though, frowning softly as you reached over to touch his shoulder. Steve turned his head a bit, feeling your touch bringing him back to reality. 

“I remember her just waiting by the window for her to just show up, then just watching her give up …” he continued, now looking at you, “And…to be honest, I’m so fucking scared what that is going to do to her. Right now she is okay, she is happy , but what happens when she gets older and when she asks me what happened to mom? And I have to tell her that her own mom abandoned her? And it’s suddenly a concept she fully grasps? What the hell am I going to do?”

He was asking you, even though he knew it wasn’t fair to. Cassie wasn’t your responsibility, but as the months turn into years the question has just been gnawing at him everytime he looked at his little girl, remembering her little face of defeat when she started to realize her mom wasn’t going to come back to her. When she stopped sitting by that window.

It broke his heart, and he wished somehow that he could’ve shielded her from it all. 

“It’s…not really the same thing, but…” 

You actually speaking made Steve’s eyes flicker back to yours. 

“I mean, I was also the daughter of a single dad, as you know,” you started, “My mom passed away when I had barely turned 5. Her funeral is one of the first things I remember, but even then it’s a little fuzzy. I barely remember her actually or even how she looked aside from a few pictures we had, but my dad never put any of them up again when we moved. She didn’t abandon me, not like Cassie’s mom, but as a kid who barely understood death it kind of felt like it.” 

You shifted in your spot, eyes looking at the fire now and it was Steve’s turn to stare at you. 

“My dad was always gone too, always working, and I never really had a constant person beside him in my life and even then, he wasn’t really constant. He had to work, you know, keep him and his daughter fed. We had our special moments though,” you smiled to yourself, though it was sad he worked so much you still cherished when you’d go out to a burger joint sometimes, when he saved up to buy you your first pair of roller skates, almost enough to make you overlook the years you spent by yourself. 

“There were some, like my fifth grade teacher I mentioned, you probably don’t even remember,” you laughed, but Steve shook his head.

“No I do, you brought her up when we were baking,” Steve said, and you felt a bit flushed that he remembered something as small as that, but promptly blamed it on the alcohol sloshing through you and making you warmer than usual. 

“Yeah, she was there for a bit, but then we moved- for the last time thankfully- to the city where there was more work for him,” you continued, “And…I was alone again. I did fun stuff, it’s where I was first introduced to disco…” You lifted your hand, gesturing to the boombox that had been playing the occasional 70s disco hit in the background of your conversation.

Steve smiled at that, disco suddenly taking a place in his heart in a way he never expected it to. 

“But I was alone , and a lot of the time I resented my mom, my dad too because at times it felt like they both left me,” you said, “I didn’t have anybody but myself, and…it certainly affects me even to this day.” 

You took a break to take a sip of your wine, in fact, you were chugging it and Steve just watched you. Despite Steve getting to know you, he knew what you meant. Every snippet of your life, from how you reacted to dinner with the Henderson’s in November, he could see how it does, and he understands it too in a way. It was easy to feel like your own isolated island. 

You set your glass down after downing it and turned to Steve, “Anyway, my point is, I was alone, you know? And Cassie…well it’s going to happen, she’s going to wonder why her mom left her and it will hurt, but…she’s not going to be alone. She has so much support from Robin, Dustin, Claudia, those abundance of kids who absolutely adore her, she just has so much love , but more importantly…she has a great dad.” 

Steve’s heart swelled in his chest by your words, so much that he felt like he was feeling it in his throat. He swallowed thickly, cheeks becoming flushed. You smiled at him, eyes looking quite foggy from the amount of wine you’ve both consumed.  

“I know I’ve barely got here, but…Steve, you’re such a good guy,” you were saying now, expression turning serious, “I can see why everyone is so obsessed with you here, and it’s not just because of your good looks…that’s just an added bonus. You’re a good guy.” 

He smiled at that, and you sighed softly, turning your body toward Steve and reached with the hand that wasn’t holding your wine glass to gently grasp the back of his head. Steve was a little disoriented by this, but his vision cleared when he saw you were at eye level with him. He grew still, just staring back at you breathlessly.

“Cassie is going to be okay because she has you .” 

It felt like something clicked into place when you uttered those words to Steve. He opened his lips, wanting to say something, but not knowing what. His mind picked up on the music that was playing, the soft, funky beat of the Bee Gees “How Deep is Your Love” flowed through the boombox’s speakers, traveling through the room and reaching Steve. 

He was gazing back at you, the fire illuminating half of your face and intensifying your gaze. It was warm in here now, from the fire, the wine, from you . His breath hitched, feeling that electricity again, except it was stronger, more intense and Steve couldn’t ignore it any longer. 

Then you come to me in a summer breeze…keep me warm in your love, then you softly leave…

“I wish I met you sooner,” he suddenly said, and you gently nipped your bottom lip and said, “Me too.”

Perhaps it was the wine he was drunk off of, or perhaps it was you he’s become drunk off of - it didn’t matter. He parted his lips, gently licking them before his eyes flickered down to your lips. He couldn’t take it anymore, and when he met your gaze again, and saw the tender way you were looking at him, he couldn’t stop himself, not like he could at Thanksgiving, not like he could everytime after that. He wanted to kiss you, he needed to.

He started to lean in slowly, up until his nose gently nudged yours. You did not stop him, in fact, you were guiding him toward you, inviting him to kiss you. He let out a hot breath, realizing that you wanted this too, even though it was silly to think for a moment that you didn’t, and he closed the space in between your lips like you had done in the Wheeler’s kitchen, laying his mouth on yours softly and sweetly. 

Your lips fell together in a tender kiss, and your hand on Steve’s head drew him closer to you. You dropped the empty wine glass you held, landing safely onto the pillows and blankets still gathered around you, and he felt this hand rest on his cheek.

You were warm, so very warm , and his head became dizzy and he too had dropped his wine glass. Except his glass still had wine in it. The glass tipped to the side, its contents spilling and staining one of the pillows and the carpet that peaked out between the pillows it had fallen on. 

Neither of you noticed, and if you did, you wouldn’t have cared anyway. 

His hands were on your waist now, pulling you toward him without parting his lips from yours, and you let him lead you to wherever he wanted you to go. Soon, you were straddling him, your legs sitting on either side of his and you finally pulled away. 

“ Steve ,” you said his name, voice breathless and tainted with wine just like Steve’s was. His hands rested on the expand of your thighs, brown eyes shining as he looked up at you. 

“Is this okay?” he asked you, voice low and an octave lower, “I can stop…we can stop.” 

You moved your hands to his hair, leaning forward to press your forehead against his, being able to see him better than he can see you. The light of the fire behind you now, the only light being from the small candles placed on various parts of your home, but he could feel your face against his, and he could feel you nod .

Like your lips were a magnet, he was kissing you again, combining your breath together as he consumed your lips with his with an intensity that had you falling against him and letting his kiss lure you into a state of mind that was just him . 

He kissed you, and he kept kissing you, tongue sliding between your wet, parted lips and licking into your mouth softly and almost sloppily. His hands started to move on their own accord, one upward toward the small of your back, lifting your shirt ever so slightly.

Your hands had started to wander too, without you realizing it. They were now flat against his chest, feeling the fast beating of his heart against your palm, and the other moved downward, gently grazing his ribs. 

He shuddered against you, eyes flickering open and lips parting from yours. He realized too that his hand had wandered, feeling the heat of your skin against his own hand, and he looked up at you, eyes questioning. You sucked in a soft breath, leaning away from Steve. 

“Sorry,” he said, referring to his hand that was moving up your shirt. You sighed deeply. 

Steve’s eyes had fallen, but when they did they caught the sudden movement of your hands. You were grabbing onto the hem of your shirt, and he snapped his head upward. No words escaped his mouth as he watched you remove your shirt and told him the same thing he told you on New Years… ‘ don’t be.’

“ Fuck ,” Steve said, wishing his eyes would adjust better, and he heard you laugh quietly, as if someone will hear you both, and you grabbed his hands, making them move to your abdomen. 

“Are you okay with this?” you asked him this time, perhaps a little too late, but you weren’t really thinking. 

“How could I not be? You’re so god damn beautiful,” he told you, and you melted into his lap when he did. He chuckled sweetly at you, then leaned up to kiss you again before his hands started to move against you, and he said again, breathlessly, “ God damn …” 

He sounded nervous as he then bit down on his lower lip, feeling your skin tremble underneath his touch. Goosebumps followed where his hands started to move, just over your sides and then upwards until he was touching your breasts. 

You hummed when he did, back arching slightly and he licked his lips, eyes moving from your breasts back up to you. He leaned in, pressing gentle kisses onto the skin of your neck, your collarbone, and lower to the mounds of your breast. 

You threw your head back softly, mouth falling open as the sensation of him kissing you where you were most sensitive. His brown eyes stayed drawn on you, and he drew his lips away to kiss back up your neck and just underneath your chin. 

His hands followed, now on the back of your hair as he brought you forward to crash your lips together in a more fervent kiss, more desperate, and hot. His tongue swirled in your mouth, colliding with yours as he drank you up second by second. 

His arms then were wrapped around you, feeling the slight tremble of your legs and before you knew it, he was leaning away and making you lay down. You fell against the soft blankets beneath you, arms falling over your head and Steve had taken his shirt off as well before he settled on his side next to you. 

His eyes were dark, you could tell that much by the light of the flames, and you reached your hand forward, falling into the temptation to touch his chest that was full of hair. He released a breath through his nose at your touch, smiling as he was amused. It had been a while since he’d been with anyone intimately like this, and when he felt your hand massaging his chest, he remembered how past partners had done the same. It felt sweeter coming from you though, and he placed his hand over yours and leaned in to press a chaste kiss onto your lips before moving your hand away to place a kiss against that to, then place it back over your head. 

He had other ideas, anyway. 

“Is this what you want?” he asked, voice almost a whisper. 

“Is this what you want?” you asked him back, voice a little shaky. He wasn’t ashamed to reply yes , and you stared at him for a long second before nodding, saying yes, me too . 

He smiled softly, eyes drawing over your face and down your body before he brought his hand upward, stopping at your lips. You kissed the fingers there before parting your lips for him, tremors rushing down your body as he pressed his fingers inside of your mouth…

He didn’t ask you again, and neither did you…not when his fingers were buried deep inside of you, making you come undone, not when the rest of your clothes came off, when you kissed each other all over…especially not when you were underneath him, his hips thrusting at a languid, sensual pace, his length pumping in and out of you.

The fire was dying beside you, but you didn’t need it anymore. You and Steve were keeping each other warm. 

You were caged in underneath him, seeing nothing but Steve gazing lovingly at you from above. His chest hair rubbed against your own chest, creating a delicious friction with every thrust of his hips that filled you up. 

Your hand dragged across his back, your nails scratching his shoulder blades, making pleasurable chills run up and down his back. His mouth was hovering just above yours, parted and releasing soft grunts and pants that intertwined with your own. Then, he was leaning down, lips only grazing yours as his tongue touched yours as his hips moved faster. He grunted, moving away as he did so.

Your back arched upwards, breasts pressing against his chest tightly and moaned his name out softly. He looked back down at you, smiling almost lazily. He pressed his lips against your cheek, before resting his head on your forehead, keeping his brown, hazy eyes open and on you. 

You tensed up underneath him, heart thumping out of your chest and lips releasing a cracked moan of his name as pleasurable heat washed over you for the second time that night. Steve kissed you, riding you through it, and whispered sweet nothing against your lips as he too came undone.

✧ ✧ ✧

It was warm when you woke up, your body cocooned in the thick covers you brought in the living room the night before. You were immediately met with an ache that buzzed over your entire body, but it was not unwelcome. It was a reminder of what just happened the night before, of the night you spent with Steve. 

Your eyes fluttered open then, adjusting as you stared up at the ceiling of your living room. Heat encompassed over you at the thought of last night, at the thought of Steve, and you looked next to you, expecting to see him, wanting to see him, but the space next to you was empty. You frowned then, starting to sit up when you heard movement in your kitchen. 

You sat up completely, turning your head and peering into the kitchen, only to see that man you were expecting to see laying in the pile of blankets next to you standing in front of your stove, his hair sticking it various directions and only wearing his boxers and an apron. 

It was a sight that took your breath away, especially when you could make out the marks that were left on his neck by you .

Then, you smelled the killer breakfast he was making. Eggs, bacon…was he making pancakes ? That made your stomach suddenly growl, and as if Steve had heard that, he was turning his head and meeting your eyes. 

“Good morning,” Steve called to you, his lips pulled upward in a sweet smile. A smile was brought to your face, cheeks feeling even warmer as he said, “Hungry?” 

You started to move to stand, tearing your eyes from Steve as you searched for an article of clothing to put on, only for your eyes to land on the stain left on your carpet. 

“Oh…oh damn ,” you said, “When did that happen?” 

Steve placed the bacon he’d just finished cooking onto a plate when he turned to see what you were talking about, and instantly he cringed when he saw you staring at the wine stain. His memory of the night wasn’t that hazy, but he could not recall how the spill even happened. It was a little lighter though, considering he spent a good 20 minutes after waking up trying to clean it. 

“I really tried to clean it,” Steve told you, wiping his hands with a paper towel. 

You could only laugh, turning and looking up at Steve as he came into the living room.

“It must’ve happened…well… yeah ,” you said, purposely not saying when you guys started kissing, and you turned your head to see Steve holding your sweater out to you, a smile on lips, and cheeks dusted pink. 

“ Yeah , I figured,” he said, understanding what you meant. You thanked him quietly as you took the sweater and he turned away, back toward the kitchen as he told you that he hoped you didn’t mind him making a big breakfast like this. 

You put your sweater on, then found your undergarments and placed those on too. The hem of your sweater stopped just below your thighs, and you finally moved to stand as you said, “No, no I don’t mind at all…”

Steve was holding two plates now, flashing you another sweet grin before setting them down on the small dining room table you had in the kitchen. You noticed even coffee was made, steam rising from the mug and as you got closer, you noticed that he had even prepared it the way you did. He must’ve watched you make yours the night before…

You sat down in the chair, right in front of the plate and coffee and when you saw the fluffy pancakes, you sighed with delight, “God, I fucking love pancakes…” You took the syrup from the middle of the table.

Steve laughed at this, taking the seat across from you. He had discarded the apron, choosing to just be shirtless which you mildly appreciated as the pancakes had consumed your hungry self entirely. 

“I remembered you told me that,” he told you as he took the syrup you were holding out for him. You paused as you sliced a part of the pancake with your fork, and glanced at him. He was looking at you, still smiling, and he said, “Go on and taste it. I wasn’t lying when I said I make good pancakes.” 

You did as told, Steve watching you intently for a reaction, and you hummed, and nodded as you chewed. They were the fluffiest, perhaps most perfect pancakes you’ve ever had. Steve had not been lying that day in the grocery store back in Fall, and had you already not been in love with the guy, this would’ve been the dealbreaker. 

“It’s delicious ,” you said finally, but you didn’t need to tell Steve that. He was already smirking smugly as he said, “I know” before taking a bite of his own pancake. 

You ate the rest of your breakfast pretty quickly, as it seemed your previous nightly activity drained all of your energy and finally, as you both washed the dishes, you asked him if the blizzard cleared out. 

“Yes,” he replied, then quickly added, “Streets aren’t clear still…so I think I’m gonna have to stick around for a bit longer.” 

Steve was looking at you a certain way, brown eyes telling you something he didn’t dare want to say out loud. Your heart flipped in your chest, then warmth that would turn into heat flooded you all over. Neither of you had said anything upfront about your night together, like you were avoiding it, but he wanted to stay …and without checking if he was lying about the streets not being cleared yet, you were more than happy to let him stay.

You spent the rest of the morning in your bedroom, tangled into the sheets with Steve. There were no excuses now, as the wine could’ve been blamed for the night prior. The only thing that was making your mind hazy was Steve himself, and the feeling of his hair between your fingertips as your back arched and you moaned his name…

✧ ✧ ✧

Steve was staring at the ceiling of your bedroom, one arm wrapped around you and the other folded and resting underneath his head. He liked this, he liked the way you felt in his arms, your bodies pressed tightly together, legs tangled together underneath your blankets. 

It had been almost 15 minutes since holding you like this, just laying together in silence and he liked that too. 

You shifted in your spot gently, untangling your legs from Steve’s in order to stretch them and he looked down at you as you decided to move away from him completely, saying,  “I’m gonna turn the heater off for a bit.” 

Steve nodded, as you removed yourself from the bed, holding one of your loose sheets around you. He watched you go, heart fluttering in his chest as you flashed him a sweet grin before turning and disappearing into your hallway. 

He sighed, smiling to himself as he moved to sit up and then run his hands through his now slightly greasy hair. There was a mirror on the dresser to his left, so he could see just how messy his face was, but he could also see the fresh marks you left on parts of his neck and chest. Right next to the ones from last night. He even touched them, feeling his stomach flood with heat, wondering if either of you could go another round because after all it had been quite a while and you just made Steve absolutely insatiable that he didn’t even want to leave after breakfast.

You had come back, holding a pile of clothes in your arms. It was the clothes Steve had discarded in the living room the night before and just never put back on. 

“Here,” you said cheekily as you placed them on the bed then went to the dresser. Steve took that moment to reach out and grab you. You gasped softly as he did, and he was grinning widely at you as he pulled you onto his lap. 

“Hi,” Steve told you, hands sprawled out on your bare thighs, gently squeezing the flesh there.

“ Hey ,” you replied breathlessly, moving your hands toward his hair as if it were second nature by now. He sighed through his nose and leaned up to kiss you again, and already, again , you were putty in his lap. You weren’t sure if you were ever going to get enough of Steve Harrington, especially now that you’ve gotten an actual taste of him. 

God, it was so easy to fall in love with him and you weren’t sure you’d ever want to be with anyone but him.

It was that thought that had you pausing, and Steve had felt you suddenly go still against him. He opened his eyes and leaned away to give you a curious look before asking what was wrong. You swallowed thickly, leaning away from him as well, but not leaving his lap. 

“Steve I…what…what is this?” you asked. He blinked gently, and you could see his eyes grow thoughtful before he peered back up at you. He was going to say something, but for some reason you were suddenly scared he was going to say it was a one time thing (thought one time turned into a few times that your sheets were gonna smell like him for a while), so you said, “I’m not expecting anything…we were pretty drunk last night…” 

Steve stared at you, before he licked his lips and said, “We weren’t drunk this morning…” 

The dread in your stomach gently faded at that, and you replied, “I don’t know…those pancakes were so good they did something to me.”

He laughed at that, and his laugh made you laugh as well and he kept his gaze on you the entire time, as if he loved watching you laugh and smile. You pressed your lips together in a smile, and he said, “I don’t…I don’t want it to be a one time thing, if that’s what you’re asking.” 

His expression had grown serious, and his hands that were squeezing the flesh of your thighs turned into gentle rubs, as if he was nervous. 

“ I like you ,” he said, though his voice sounded a little forced, because he didn’t want to use the word ‘like’ because his feelings for you were more than that, though you didn’t know that. You would take what you could though, and force yourself to use the same word as well, even though it was quite clear to you that you were completely in love with him. 

“So…what now then?” you asked softly. 

He sucked in a breath. The truth was, Steve didn’t know, well he did know, but he still wasn’t sure about it because he had suddenly thought of his daughter. The thought of Cassie made Steve frown, and a weird feeling crossed his chest that made him doubt the decision he was about to make. Steve wanted to be with you, but his stupid mind had started to talk him out of it, telling him he wasn’t going to work , you didn’t deserve his flaky nature, or to wait on him when he was too busy for you…he didn’t want to do that to you, just like he had told Robin the first night she came back to Hawkins. 

But then he also thought about the other thing Robin had told him…he’d be crazy if he didn’t at least try .

Alas, it was the thought of Cassie that halted any decision making on Steve’s part, as he realized that he was supposed to pick her up almost an hour ago, which was not helping the case in his mind. He forgot his own damn daughter, not that Delilah’s mother minds, nor does Cassie and Dee herself, but he still felt horrible. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, I have to go, ” Steve told you, failing to realize before he said it that he didn’t answer your question as he gently moved you off of him.

 Your heart had fallen down to your stomach, and Steve caught the expression on your face as he pulled on his boxers, and was grabbing his jeans. It was one of heartbreak, and it tore him inside to see it. It made him pause with his jeans halfway on, and he opened his mouth but nothing came out as he felt ridiculous with his jeans only up to his knees, so he pulled it on and buttoned it before walking toward you. 

“No! No, that- that wasn’t my answer,” he told you, fear in his voice that he messed up. 

“Steve, it’s okay-” you tried to say, but he reached over to gently touch your cheek and kiss you without really thinking. You went still as his lips pressed gently against yours, and he leaned with a soft sigh. 

“I’m late to pick Cassie up, that’s all,” he assured, his hand still on your suddenly very hot cheek, “I just…I want to talk again, okay?” 

“Okay,” you said, because you were at a loss of words of what his sudden kiss meant and didn’t know what else to say. Steve seemed content with that and nodded, before he gently swiped his thumb under your eye and told you earnestly, “I’ll call you.” 

Now you could only nod, and he returned that nod before grabbing his shirt and putting it on. You could only sit on the bed, the sheet still the only thing covering your bare body, and you watched him quickly put his shirt on, inside out but you doubt he cared as his concern was forgetting to pick his daughter up. 

He did spare you one last glance and small good-bye though before he was rushing out of your room and down the hall, where you could hear him cursing as he put his shoes on before you heard him open the door to your garage. 

When you could no longer hear him in your house, you suddenly felt very cold without him there, and you hugged the sheet around you tighter, already missing him and the warmth he always brought you. 

And you waited for that call, standing idly by the phone whenever you were home, keeping your stereo off even as you eventually scrubbed away at the wine stain on your carpet that would just not come out. When you folded all the blankets, washed the wine glasses, and tossed the empty one in the trash. It was pushed to the back of your mind for about an hour, when you called a towing company to get your car from Starcourt, and take it to the mechanic in Downtown Hawkins. When you got home though, it was night time, and you waited.

You waited for it, even the following day, and the day after that…you would even find yourself gazing at the door, wondering if he was going to walk through those doors, apologizing for not calling because he’d rather see you instead. 

But he didn’t. Steve was never the one to walk through the office doors in the days following the night and morning you spent together, was never the one on the other side of the line if your phone did happen to ring. You told yourself that you weren’t hurt, trying to convince yourself that when you said you weren’t expecting anything you were telling the truth. 

You fell in love with Steve Harrington, and then…well, you were sure that if he didn’t call or make the effort to see and speak to you even after everything he told you before he left your house in such a rush to pick Cassie up…then it must be his way of saying that nothing, nothing was to come from what happened between the two of you. 

He was busy, you knew that, he told you relationships weren’t his forte from the beginning, everyone did, and yet, he was so easy to like, even easier to fall in love with that you didn’t stand a chance. Still, your heart couldn’t try and rationalize his actions like your brain, and you were completely and utterly heartbroken. 

And then, you wondered just what the hell was Steve freaking Harrington’s reason for all this.

[hopusthebrainlessfloof]

Welcome to the blog!

Hi! I'm Hopus, the lovingly brainless floof!

Here's everything to know about a fluffy floof: Meee! Most important thing to know about me is my DNI & BYI information, sooooooo

Interaction information

DNI: Discourse, NSFW, anti endogenic, anti neo/xeno, anti informed self-diagnosis, TERFs, super straights, DD/LG, NSFW age regression, NSFW pet regression, racists, homo/bi/pan/trans/omniphobic (any LGBTQ+ phobic), extremely religious, trolls, younger than 15.

These aren't in any particular order, just as they pop up in my mind. Will update if the list extends.

BYI:

Diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) and GAD (General Anxiety Disorder)

Medically recognised for DID, ADHD, ASD, and PTSD. I will say I have them until my medical professionals change their mind. Don't like it? Too bad!

Plural traumagenic system with a headcount of 30 - 40. You're welcome to ask us about our experiences as a system. We will refuse to answer questions that make us uncomfortable.

Bodily 18. Minors DNI with NSFW content.

Taken and not looking for more. Need a break from polyamory.

Taking SFW commissions and requests ONLY.

Introduction

My name is Hopus, but I also go by Bee! I go by they/em/xe/bun! My favourite things ever are stuffies, blankets, markers, and warm beach water!

I'm a huge Nintendo geek, and will happily creep on other Nintendo art blogs. (/affectionate) I like art and have been doing it for fifteen years! I recently turned 18 (as of 31/05/23), so I'm not on the "professional" side of adulthood quite yet.

My best friends are @catfury360 and @littlekates. My wonderful partner is @thechickennuggiehaunter , and I love them with all of my heart. All of my mutuals and repeated askers are my adopted children and y'all don't have a say in it.

I love coffee, chicken nuggets, cheesecake, cupcakes, boston creme doughnuts, and apple desserts. In addition to drawing, I like to write, roleplay, cook, and play videogames!

Socials

I'm not into use of Instagram, Snapchat, or TikTok. However, here are where you can find me! (Will update list as I'm on more platforms.)

Pronoun Page (EN) (And also ES for Spanish speakers ♥️)

Ko-Fi

Spotify Playlist

I'm most active on my Discord server, where there's funky roles and stuff related to the system. There's also roles for shared interests, roleplay chats, and private safe chats.

Discord server

The Blog

There are quite a few things to see on the blog, but here's what you can expect:

Text posts: This is mostly random stuff but can include Nintendo related things.

Ask the Koopalings(& Koopa Kids & Broodals): My ask box is open for questions to the Koopalings and co. This is currently my main content, and it gives me a lot of joy.

Sanrio Art: My art has a significant amoubt of Sanrio related artwork. Hope you enjoy it! ♡

Fursona art: All the art of ze precious little floof, Marinid "Hopus" Broodal II!

Other fandom art: Surprisingly I'm not only in the Mario fandom! I'll also post art of other fandoms I'm part of. (Will get into that later.)

Reblogs (art): ARTISTS ON TUMBLR ARE SO FRICKEN TALENTED AAA So yeah, I reblog other works!

Reblogs (not art): I'm into other things like games and animals. (Cat photos are my weakness...) I may reblog things like that too!

Personal

First of all, no, this doesn't include my address and stuff. These are personal things that DO NOT INVOLVE INFO THAT CAN DOXX ME.

Our system has littles and age regressors! It's part of why we love stuffies and such.

My favourite school subjects are language, English, and science. I'm pretty decent at Spanish as a second language.

I used to be a band kid! My specialty was the glockenspiel and other mallet percussion. My favourite song I've ever done was Pilatus: The Mountain of Dragons and Prairie Dances.

Speaking of music, I'm a big fan of alt rock. My favourite artists are My Chemical Romance, Set It Off, and Bring Me to the Horizon. I can't choose a favourite song... But my main three are You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison, True Friends, Foundations of Decay, and I'll Sleep When I'm Dead.

My hyperfixations tend to jump between the same topics. My general fandoms of interest are (from most to least):

Mario (Kinda a no-brainer)

Sanrio

Kirby

Legend of Zelda

My favourite animals are rabbits, elephants, cats, and jerboas. I'm a huge sucker for smol rodents. I had a dwarf hamster as a kid. Dogs, I like in pictures. I don't dislike them, but I fear them.

Animal Crossing

Speaking of fears, I have arachnophobia (fear of arachnids), astraphobia (fear of thunder and lightning) and pyrophobia (fear of fire). I'm fine with photography of storms and fire, but do NOT send me ANYTHING with spiders. (Except for Taranza... He bebe)

Favourites

My favourite characters are (in no particular order):

Cinnamoroll (Sanrio)

Bandana Dee (Kirby)

Elfilin (Kirby)

U*SA*HA*NA (Sanrio)

Toadette (Mario)

Rauru (LoZ (TotK) )

Ludwig Von Koopa / Kooky Von Koopa (Mario)

Boo (Mario)

Kuromi (Sanrio)

Sailor Dee (Kirby)

Rango (Mario)

Link (LoZ)

Cream the Rabbit (Sonic)

Azurill (Pokémon)

Iggy Koopa (Mario)

Rabbit (Minecraft)

My Melody (Sanrio)

Meta Knight (Kirby)

Panda (Minecraft)

Roy Koopa / Bully Koopa (Mario)

Luma (Mario)

Yoshi (Mario)

Kirby (Kirby)

Sylveon (Pokémon)

The 3 Mario Princesses (Mario)

What I'm Up To

I'll be accepting asks for both myself and the characters! I love you guys (/platonic) and I'll keep you posted!

I played and 100% completed Super Mario Brothers 3 and Super Mario World, as Well as Super Mario Advance 2 & 4 respectively. My next goal is Super Mario Advance 3!

I'm jobhunting at the moment! I may have to start community service... but we'll see!

Chu chu~!!💖

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale s6 Ep 19 (#114: Witches of Riverdale).

Friends! Romans!  This episode was unbelievable. 

I watched this on the treadmill because I’m an #overseas Riverdale fan and I get these episodes a whole month and change after the stateside folks but I had to get off the moving walkway because I was laughing too much. I haven’t experienced this much untrammeled joy from a TV show in my recent (very faulty) memory.

Some disclaimers:

I don’t know anything about Sabrina Pun-Name (I mean really, they gave a witch the last name SPELL + MAN) so if you’re someone who knows the deep lore of that show, please let me know if I’m missing the point entirely. By the way, what I got out of this episode is that Sabrina is an unethical asshole but I don’t know if having context for her life would make me feel differently. 

This recap is going to have a lot of fandom asides and performance commentary which I usually try to keep to a minimum. 

First thing!  Jughead is narrating even though he’s dead. He acknowledges that he’s dead. This is headspinningly funny because he calls himself the narrator, and he’s dead, and he’s also somehow fully aware of what’s going on while he’s technically mostly dead (in the Princess Bride way!) and telling us about it.   He’s a dead, literally unreliable narrator who is also self aware that he is both in a story and also talking to me, a Netflix subscriber.  Riverdale is genius.

The survivors of the Girls Count When It’s a Shitty Thing version of the Death of the First Born (sons) are in the lovely cemetery paying their respects to Nana Blossom. They are Heather,  Betty, Veronica, Tabitha and Cheryl.   Nana Rose gets a very beautiful pink flecked marble gravestone that looks like wounded flesh actually, so given that she died of asphyxiation following immolation, this choice is very Cheryl. 

I’m assuming that everyone else got a headstone too just gauging from where people are looking and gesturing, but the production doesn’t actually show us, I assume for budget issues.

Poor Cheryl. How come fandom never talks about Cheryl’s trauma?  She’s always been so tribal and family obsessed, but one by one all her family has died before she even reached 30. 

Percival has the gall to show up to this gathering with Uncle Fucking Frank in tow. 

Cheryl, in the throes of her grief, yells at him about killing “my Nana and my Tee-Tee.”  Cheryl grieves literally nobody else.

Veronica yells at Percival about killing Anthony because Baby Anthony was a Baby. Percival takes his leave, which makes Jughead sound suddenly energized. He tells us with palpable gusto - “I’ll let you in on a secret.”  To which I must wonder - Who does he think he’s talking to?

The funeral was a misdirect, he says, because it wasn’t a genuine funeral since no actual bodies were in the grave. They’re dead, for sure, and in the morgue freezers.  Jughead says this like somehow this is exceptional, even though it isn’t.

We cut to Dr. Curdle (no longer referred to as Junior) eating a  sandwich dead-eyed and alone in his work room (complete with apple!).  I object to this.  Dr. Curdle is a fun funky little weirdo - he’s a big fan of Josie and he’s music night date (boy?)friends with Principal Weatherbee. Why is he relegated to having a sad solo sandwich lunch in his depressing workroom? His meal is so wholesome too - milk, apple, sandwich. He is pivotal to all the Scooby plans and yet nobody thinks to invite him to lunch - he is no more or less off putting than Kevin or Jughead at their worst, so what gives?

Then we are given a glimpse of a moment that made the top of my head twist right off:

Kevin tends to a fussy Baby Anthony in his crib.  Kevin touches Baby Anthony and tucks him in. Which is more than the now-dead Fangs ever did before his demise. 

Kevin, Cheryl, Veronica, Heather Tabitha and Betty take in Alice’s newscast, which claims that it was gang warfare that resulted in so many deaths at the Toni/Fangs wedding celebration at the Whte Wyrm.   Betty switches it off, annoyed.  Tabitha speculates the reason for Percival not killing every First Born in town - that it would be harder to cover up.  Otherwise there might be thousands of deaths. How big is Riverdale again??

We come to the Sabrina (What was Her Name Again) Spellman introduction.  She’s Buffy, right?  “Cheerleader by Day, Queen of Hell by Night” sounds like Buffy Summers, who had an intentionally silly name and not as on the nose as Spell-man.  Heather is doing the exposition dump on Sabrina. 

The resurrection attempted by the necromancing witches have to be performed within 3 days. You know. Like that other guy. The guy who came back on the 3rd day.   They only have 12 hours left, is what Veronica says, but Sabrina is nowhere to be seen.  

Cheryl has decided to display, among all her other art (like the one dedicated to long-forgotten Minerva Marble), her self portrait as a Vixen/ Furry / Fox Head thing to all her friends, who presumably are too wigged out to notice or ask about it. 

Kevin wants to know how and why Baby Anthony didn’t die, even though he was a First Born.  So how exactly does the First Born business work though?? First born to either parent qualifies? (Jughead wasn’t FP’s first born but I suppose he was Glady’s).   Betty points out that Kevin is also a first born. But then again, not every single first born in Riverdale died, so what gives?

Apart and hidden from the others, Kevin tells Betty that he thinks the reason he was permitted to survive this very shoddily constructed plague was to be punished with survival.  This is bullshit.  He has no answer to what would be worse than murdered or how survival counts as punishment.  No answer, none. He just says this so he can join Moose, who has already absconded to NYC.  He makes shit up about doing this to ‘protect’ others.  Betty arbitrarily says that ‘everyone else will understand’ but actually I think Kevin is RUNNING AWAY FROM single fatherhood with Baby Anthony.  Betty understands the urge to run away from being a parent, apparently, but the facts are these:

Baby Anthony is an orphan now, and the person who would’ve been his third parent, the person who in fact began court proceedings to gain sole custody over him is completely abandoning him now that he’s alone in the world (notwithstanding the complete faith that everyone decides to have put in Sabrina).  Kevin is a POS.

Meanwhile, Reggie, who I think is also a first born, has just made a delivery to Percival of the Daggers of Megiddo (which google says is a thing invented in the Omens movie series, and are weapons intended to defeat the antichrist) all the way from Rome. 

He did what now? Reggie went to Rome and obtained “arcane objects of immense power” on his own and we don’t get to see any of it?   

Reggie is a very precise speaker. He says he did enjoy the trip to Rome, but is irked by the death of his ‘high school friends.’  Not “friends from High School days,” not “old friends,”  and definitely not “friends” in the present sense.  

While Veronica was absent from the Babylonium for all of exactly 60 hours, Percival has managed to call a board meeting, mind control everyone into both showing up and doing his bidding (I presume mind control was involved, though Veronica was not actually beloved by her own board) and got Reggie installed as CEO. 

Either Veronica doesn’t know or she doesn’t care, because she’s ensconced at Thornhill with all the surviving girls of Riverdale.   Betty bursts in on the sad group, who are just staring off into the middle distance, to say that Mary Andrews asks her what’s going on with Archie, about whom she had a ‘bad feeling.’  Betty sounds rather frantic as she asks what they will tell Mary Andrews if the resurrection plan doesn’t work. 

I’m going to do two things here : 1) snort at the idea that Mary Andrews gives enough of a shit about Archie to have any sort of long distance intuition about him whatsoever and 2) be sad at the thought that absolutely nobody, not JB, not Gladys, nobody, has any sort of need to keep in regular contact with Jughead to make the same kind of inquiry. 

Remembering she is Catholic only in moments of need (like most of us), Veronica cautiously asks where ‘the souls’ of the deceased are, so that we can get the theology download.   They’re all in the Sweet Hereafter!

We get shown what that is!!

They’re playing Fred Astaire’s Cheek to Cheek throughout for this portion. I love this song and in this rendition.  “Heaven/ I’m in Heaven/ and My Heart beats so/ that I can hardly speak” is the way the lyrics go.  In case we the audience might be confused about what this place is. (The lyrics will do the heavy lifting the scriptwriters refuse to engage with!)

Archie’s Sweethereafter are a wife and two kids in front of a heavily laden dinner table in his house that he never wants to leave. The wife is Betty.  They named their kids Polly and Fred. 

I don’t understand this culture of naming people after other people, especially not those who lived unhappy lives or died violent deaths.  My culture doesn’t do this.  Plus there’s something frightening about Betty naming her kid Polly - it’s not as awful as naming her ALICE perhaps, but Betty had a lot of intensely negative, conflicted feelings about Polly.   Same with Archie naming his son after his father.  Grandpa Fred is such a sainted presence in Dad Archie’s mind, that I am immediately worried about Little Fred.

Little Fred is great at music and sports, but performs academically poorly. How interesting! In Archie’s perfect world, he wants a son who struggles academically and is only good at the things that he himself tried to be good at. I say tried to be, because it’s not clear whether Archie ever got actual A’s in music or if his one child molestor teacher gave him those grades for obvious reasons.  This is the opposite of, say, the desires of Forrest Gump, who also struggled but wanted his son to be really good at school.  Archie’s heaven is appallingly self serving - he wants his kid to be bad at school so he can comfort his kid about bad grades.  He will concede a daughter to Betty that achieves as much as she did.  

Oh and his same dog from his childhood is an immortal freak animal that never died.   OR he did the Michael Jackson thing and insisted on owning a series of dogs that he called Vegas over and over.

Jughead’s heaven is markedly different.  He is served coffee by Pop at the thriving Diner, with an array of Mad House Glads, his comic book, laid out in front of him.  I know this is exposition but the egotism of this is so funny.  Jughead in heaven is only inspired by the evidence of his own prolific creativity.  Oh, and further, Jughead has great draftsmanship in Heaven, instead of his sad stick figure art that he had to make do with in reality. 

Toni and Fang’s joint heaven is a very weird mishmash. I suspect (because I don't like Fangs) that this is Toni’s heaven and Fangs is just along for the ride (much like Heaven Betty is in Archie’s fantasy). 

Serpents and the Ghoulies sign a peace treaty on what looks like parchment paper. They have expensive pens in a little marble and brass stand like they’re at a summit of actual political leaders.  I am surprised they don’t have tiny flags arrayed to mark the occasion. Toni’s vanity is on a scale I had not expected from her to date.   She wants to act like head of state, and for GANGS to function like sovereign nations.  Toni takes the title Serpent Queen really very literally.  (I also think she doesn’t know a whole lot about the way treaties between warring nations frequently DON’T function, but she studied social work and not history or polisci so I will have to let this go.) 

Fangs says that Riverdale will be ‘more unified’ but I’m not sure what this means. The two gangs are no longer at war, so are they diving up territory? Did they merge?? 

Anthony is all grown up and looks older than both of his parents.  And Twyla is there with her son Timmy. The two boys look at each other meaningfully.  I’m very surprised by how much Anthony is styled like Malachai, formerly of the less Disneyfied Ghoulies - cut off sleeves, curls, muscular.  And Timmy the Ghoulie Prince is Jughead coded.

Back in the real world, Kevin is hurriedly packing up.  I hate him because he takes care to pack a big framed photo of Baby Anthony in the act of abandoning Baby Anthony wholesale. There was no discussion at all whatsoever for who should be responsible for keeping this infant alive in Kevin’s absence, you know, but gosh, Kevin will take A PHOTO with him. He is met at the door by his father and Uncle Fucking Frank, who say Percival wants a word.

Meanwhile, Reggie invites his father to come over and enjoy himself at the Babylonium, dancing and swaggering alone in the CEO suite in front of his own Lodge-esque portrait.   Reggie’s main connection to anything in this world, love or hate, is about his father, but his main influence is Hiram. 

And finally!  We are introduced to Sabrina Spellman, who took her own sweet time coming over to Riverdale because there were other things happening in other “realms.”

Then follows what must be a crossover or something because I just lost my mind. 

But I have to also ask: Am I supposed to hate Sabrina Spellman after seeing her in action? Is this what she was like on her own show?  A self serving, obnoxious liar? 

The next bit is loosely organized into a list of Sabrina Spellman’s Sins Against Riverdale:

Sabrina Sin 1: Forced conversion under a situation of duress

They are down to a precious few hours to resurrect the dead, and the first thing Sabrina makes everyone do is convert to a new religion.  They have to do a bunch of things - sign a document, chant a chant, do a dance.   All while the confirmed actual witches wink and smile at each other like creeps.  By the way, the conversion ritual is done in common speech, but I will note that Sabrina also uses Latin for her spells!  The ones that count!

However, the ceremony looked like a lot of fun and the Catholic Church could take some notes.

Sabrina Sin 2: Give incomplete information

Sabrina forced desperate people to convert to her religion, then tells them only in implication that there are OTHER ways beyond the thing she wants to do first, for her own personal reasons. 

She also only explains that the dead have to WANT TO return only after they have Jughead out of the freezer and on their ceremonial table. Except, of course, this also turns out to be a bald-faced lie.

Sabrina Sin 3: Sabrina doesn’t have to pick the body of a person she finds fuckable as the test subject to bring back from the dead as the No 1. candidate.  But she picks Jughead on the basis of finding him more fuckable than Archie.  (Given that they’ve left a baby behind, shouldn’t Fangs or Toni be the first one she picks, you know, for humanitarian reasons??)

Sabrina Sin 4:  Sabrina does not need to be the one to go, at all, to persuade the almost-completely-dead to return.  She has no connection to Jughead (or anyone) but she insists on going so she can fuck her boyfriend using Jughead’s reanimated corpse.  

The truncated bits of information she delivers is passive-aggresively designed to dissuade Jughead from coming back to life, more than anything else.   This is a complete nonstarter, to say to someone who is in some version of heaven, Come Back and Fight a Terrible Battle.  

Jughead turns out to be aware he is dead and in heaven and  to have a memory of his own death which he recalls with pain. To be fair, Jughead’s death was the most terrifying - he was absolutely alone, underground and afraid and in pain. Jughead also has retained all of his memories, including the fact that Tabitha told him they are overwhelmingly likely to lose.  

Jughead also mentions as a passing point, almost, that he can hear in heaven. Which means being unable to hear had persistently been upsetting him while alive, even though he did not ever, ever complain about it, to anyone, Tabitha included.  After a childhood in which those he loved most barely ever noticed his very serious troubles and pains, he just carries this behavior of being completely silent about his misery into his adult life. He’s a very heartbreaking character, if you ever take a breath to think about it. 

Sabrina really does not try, at all, whatsoever. In some ways, she CAN’T because doesn’t KNOW any of these people, and in fact never bothered to ask key questions before she made the leap into the supernatural. She did not bother to ask Tabitha or Betty or Veronica or Cheryl (Jughead’s current VIP,  former VIP, and people who’ve known him the longest) what would be motivating factors to bring up to Jughead to get him to leave heaven.  

I can only conclude that Sabrina never intended to succeed in bringing Jughead back, and she only pretended to come up with this idea of fucking Jughead’s body at the last minute, even to Jughead.  

By the way, getting Riverdale information initially through fandom Tumblrs can be a very confusing experience. I saw the gifs about this episode weeks ago, and you know, anti-Jabithas did some bad faith editing there.  Jughead does say about Tabitha, “I do hope to see her soon,” but that’s where the gifset ended.  They left out the smirkily joking context of the rest of the scene, because Jughead immediately adds: “NOT TO SOON THOUGH.”  

While all that is going on, Kevin is being mind-invaded by Percival.  Kevin’s touchstones to sanity are - his childhood friendship with Betty and Veronica in S1 before it fell apart (this is very honest of the show), the brief moment of domestic cohesion with Toni and Fangs in S5 before that fell apart, and the one time he dressed up in a beehive wig with a full face of make-up during the Hedwig episode. He asks to be killed instead.

Anyhoo.

We are back at Thornhill where Sabrina walks out of the portal with the reanimated Jughead corpse.  Tabitha is elated to see Jughead, runs into his arms, says how much she missed him.  

The fact that Betty has absolutely nothing to say is a little shocking to me, but we’ll let that go. ( No we won’t, actually. I mean!  It seems so out of character! Does Betty now hate Jughead? But how is that possible??  It’s only when Nick says “What’s up ladies?” that Betty snarkily comments that it can’t be Jughead - why? Because he talks to women? But Jughead has never been shy or incompetent at wooing women, ever. It’s MEN’s romantic attentions he has a hard time with.  What the heck?)  

Sabrina Sin 5:  Sabrina the asshole smiles with inappropriate glee as she tells Jughead’s girlfriend and buddies that she’s inserted her own boyfriend’s soul into Jughead’s body.  Tabitha is both tearful and furious.  She says all the right things - You stole his body?? - and the suddenly super articulate Sabrina has all the answers lined up.  It’s understandable that Jughead didn’t want to leave heaven!  She “borrowed” his body “with Jughead’s consent” because we are not in a Wonder Woman movie!

Sabrina Sin 6:   Sabrina does not say she needs Nick there to do what she should have done to begin with - send in people who have an actual emotional connection with the dead to try to get them to come back.   This only proves that the entire shenanigans about shoving Nick Scratch into Jughead’s body after deciding Jughead’s corpse is cuter than Archie’s was just a way to get a warm sex toy.   

Because Sabrina has this unfair advantage of power and knowledge, none of the new witches dares to question her for wasting ALL THIS TIME in doing this bullshit with the Jughead corpse. 

I suppooooose you could say that Sabrina had to do this magic trick bit with reanimating Jughead’s corpse with her boyfriend’s soul so that she could get the buy in from the rest to temporarily die in order to visit the Sweet Hereafter to get their people back, but I still say that’s a post-facto justification and not persuasive.  These women were willing to call in a necromancer, and dance to the goddess Hecate and do all this other stuff, so she could’ve probably persuaded them without getting herself this nice bonus.   And wasting time (I cannot emphasize this enough). 

At this point though, I started to find this entire thing kind of funny.  Jughead has officially the most desirable body in Riverdale. Like, literally the most attractive and the most fuckable, even 60 hours after death, chilling in a freezer.  Not Archie of the Abs and the Square Jaw. Not Fangs, also of the Abs and Long Lashes.   It’s Jughead.

Then the two best people in Riverdale - who are a) Cheryl and b) Veronica - agree to die temporarily so that they can, respectively, retrieve an ex girlfriend who married a man and that man, and an ex boyfriend who cheated  on her with her best friend from high school after the two of them flaunted their relationship in her face so much that she had a minor nervous breakdown at someone else’s rehearsal dinner.  Oh and Cheryl will go in for Dagwood and her Nana as well. Betty can’t go because she is confirmed by Nick Scratch on sight to be the Whore of Babylon.   

Maybe you needed to be a CAOS viewer, but the degree to which Sabrina completely accepts her boyfriend’s conclusion without question struck me as very odd.

So Sabrina is going to summon Charon to do the crossing over.  Betty is the one that nudges Veronica into dying for Archie. It’s a form of full circle, I suppose - Veronica once gulped down a goblet of poison for Betty, so she might as well be a full service third wheel.(I hate this place. Please let me out.)

Percival demands that Reggie execute Kevin, in exchange for giving Kevin’s heart to Reggie’s ailing father.  Reggie’s reaction - adorably appalled - and his reason (he and Kevin go all the way back to “rugrat” days) were a balm given how much pain I was in about Veronica at this moment.

Then we get to a truly wonderful part of this episode (sincere!).   The three best girls of Riverdale (Tabitha, Cheryl and Veronica) are  lying on the floor, ready to die.  Veronica is worried about it hurting, but Cheryl, truly faithful, is “excited” to be able to say she died and came back.  Veronica lets the air out of her sails by saying, not incorrectly, that a lot of people can say that in Riverdale. 

Nick Scratch has to use an English language incantation, but so far, out of everyone who has done one of these, he gives it the due weight and seriousness of an actual magic spell.  Or maybe this is an innate Jughead ability that Nick Scratch is making the most of.  Jughead had such a good time using the formalist portentous language of the G&G game back in the day after all.   

Then Sabrina summons Charon with another English language doggerel poem.

AND CHARON APPEARS and we are in an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer from the 1990s. Like TOTALLY  this is a Buffy episode!  I’m so into it now!  The red glowing eyes of Charon (no face to minimize special effects costs), the dorkily choreographed way he moves, the magic trick of collecting the coins on the girls’ eyes without touching them, the twinkly music, the very basic fog effect, and the fact that the ‘dead souls’ are expressed as glowing technicolor versions of the girls - just SO BUFFY.   It’s so FUN!!  Betty and Heather are appropriately creeped out by Charon. I LOVE that little performance detail Betty has where she just does not want to make eye contact with Charon.    

When the souls of the three brave girls leave for the beyond, Betty as The Responsible One asks what should happen next, and Sabrina puts her and Heather on guard duty.  Then Sabrina and Jughead as occupied by Nick Scratch smirk at each other about ‘going on a date’ and get a TERRIFIC nasty look from Betty.  (I love Lili Reinhart so much- she makes really fun decisions about how Betty reacts to any outlandish scenario.)

Veronica, in Archie’s heaven, lives right down the street and comes over only rarely.  Archie is living in a version of heaven where he won the war and then died.  This seems slightly different from the heaven Jughead was occupying during Sabrina’s visit.  Veronica says to a very stubborn Archie, who doesn’t want to leave his heaven, that he’ll “do the right thing,” not least because the Real Betty is still on the mortal plane, needing his help.  Dream Betty comes home. Dream Betty cooks and is able to offer to set out an extra plate at her table on a whim.  Dream Betty and Archie’s ideal Veronica are most definitely not best friends, definitely not B&V.  Dream Betty will look at a clearly rather upset Veronica, smile at her like a robot and blandly say “It’s nice to see you” before breezing off.  

I kind of hate Archie. 

In Toni and Fang’s dream world, they’ve stayed married for however old this tall muscular curly-haired Baby Anthony is supposed to be.  Very straight looking.  But!  Their son grew up gay (or bi, unclear).   The level of unnecessary ambiguity they’ve built into his coming out about who he wants to marry is annoying.  He wants to marry Twyla Twyst’s son Timmy.  When his parents act overjoyed at this announcement, No-Longer Baby Anthony says, joyfully relieved, that he wasn’t sure how they were going to take the news. 

Why? Because they are going to become in-laws with the Ghoulie leader who once cooperated with Percival to kidnap Anthony?   Or because he thinks his parents are straight married people who are uncomfortable with gayness? (But how can that be?  Toni and Fang’s generation of Serpents could barely scrape together a single straight person.)

Cheryl comes bursting into their domestic bliss with a very loud record scratch sound.  She should’ve gotten her slowmo entrance with a hair whip, but I suppose Sabrina wasted too much time up front for that.  

Cheryl is a trooper.  Or maybe she doesn’t pick up on this but in Toni and Fang’s joint heaven, Cheryl is a vile evil person, permanently left out in the cold as all the straights  and bis get straight married and leave her resentful gay ass behind.  Fangs says that in his version of heaven, Cheryl was a person who tried to sabotage her brother’s marriage to Polly, and also tried to sabotage Toni’s marriage to Fangs.  Cheryl advises Toni to search her “mother’s heart” for the truth, then leaves forthwith.

When Tabitha bursts in on Jughead’s heaven, the sound track plays the song Guardian Angel.  Yes OK, we get it.  

Jughead’s heaven has grown to include more people than when Sabrina visited earlier in the day.  He now has fawning fans, and I must say, rather adorably Jughead fawns right back at them. In particular he is given the proper fan freak out moment by a lanky kid who is obsessed with his works, sounds lonely, and says that not only did Jughead’s work get him through tough times, Jughead’s imaginary characters are really friends to him.  To this last part, Jughead says, Yeah, Me Too.

(Is this a wink wink nudge nudge commentary about the fact that Jughead is The Narrator?)

Jughead’s heaven does not have any meaningful intimate relationships, which is very interesting. Is Jughead’s heaven one where he’s asexual?  Or is it that he’s less controlling and prone to delusion as Archie - Jughead isn’t going to do anyone the injustice of inventing a false version of themselves to be his personal Barbie.  He wants to eventually spend eternity with Tabitha, but will wait for the real Tabitha instead of inventing one (unlike Archie and his Dream Betty).

Tabitha also finds Jughead’s joy in having someone give him positive feedback too adorable to interfere with, so she decides to let him enjoy himself.  Immediately after seating herself at the counter, she is greeted by the Angel Raphael from RiverVale, who wants to tell her some things.  We don’t get to hear what they are.

Meanwhile, Cheryl walks into someone’s heaven. It has Polly married to Jason, Nana Rose is still alive, and Dagwood is buddies with his father whom he’s never met in real life.  

Did Polly Cooper want to be married to Jason and be mistress of Thornhill (with the Parentdale generation of Blossoms long dead and forgotten?)?  

Is this Jason’s heaven? It can’t be, because Jason has nothing to say in this heaven either.   

Does Dagwood, as a minor, get to choose his heaven? If so, is Dagwood’s heaven one in which he is not a twin and is an only child to boot?  

And Nana Blossom - I’m not sure what Nana Blossom’s heaven would be (being courted by smarmy young men armed with red roses a la Reggie, perhaps) - but being the great grandma in this sort of setting hardly fits the Nana Rose we’ve seen to date.  

IF this is Jason’s heaven as well then he shares a weird code with Dagwood - because in this world, Cheryl does not live at Thornhill and is also an infrequent visitor, given the way Polly greets Cheryl (“Cheryl!  [big pause, then, hesitantly] We weren’t expecting you!”).  Why are all these het people so gross and refuse to appreciate Cheryl?

By the way, to the right of this cute /creepy family tableau, there is a decapitated baby doll’s head on a side table next to the blank easel in the living room.  Just FYI.

What Polly tells Cheryl makes me wonder if this isn’t somehow Cheryl’s heaven. The maple business is booming, trees are swollen with sap, and Polly is going to have a triplet of Blossoms, so now there will be 5 little Jason progeny running around.  Because Cheryl’s heaven is - now that I think of it - to get out of Thornhill but have it prosper and be allowed to visit whenever she wants.

But since Polly is the one doing all of the talking, the most reasonable conclusion is that this is Polly’s heaven. (Jason too, likely wanted to escape Thornhill, not be master of it.).  This makes me think very different thoughts about Polly than before. 

Polly the Dead invites Cheryl the Living into staying in Polly’s Heaven forever, but even though Cheryl is so pleased by this vision and what it gives her, she doesn’t fall for it.

Then we cut to Jughead the Possessed on a date with Sabrina the Asshole. I am going to assume that this is a post coitus meal. 

Sabrina confesses that her taking Jughead’s corpse specifically so she could fuck her dead boyfriend with it was absolutely a deliberate choice made out of pure opportunism, without a single care that this was wasting the time of people who counted on her to help them prevent The Apocalypse.  She even suggests that they abscond with Jughead’s corpse to live in a cabin somewhere. 

Was the intention of introducing this character supposed to result in my despising her?  Is she meant to be a villain?  But she’s not being treated like one in the text. 

Nick is an asshole just like his girlfriend so they only talk about their own interests.  She weeps about whatever situation they are in, and I have no idea what she’s talking about and I frankly don’t care because she’s a dick. I’m glad she doesn’t get what she wants. Who the fuck are you and why are you in my show?

Then Sabrina Spellman kisses Jughead Jones’ corpse on the mouth and I got my first taste of what it might be like to be a diehard Barchie or Bughead watching the other ship’s scenes. I HATE THIS! PUT IT AWAY.

Back at the casino, the Mantle men are having dinner.  Reggie gets his father’s absolute approval for the first time ever.   Then the worm turns and his father tells Reggie that he knows he’s dying.  Reggie, at this point, is completely willing to kill Kevin for his father.  

Reggie’s father says that even though he failed at business, marriage and fatherhood, he wants to die with honor. 

OK. Three things.   

One - I don’t know about the word choice of HONOR here because I just get the heebie jeebies when English language programming give Asian people any line that mentions the word HONOR.  (Nobody in contemporary Asia talks like this and in the East Asian self imagination of the past they also do not have people prattle on about HONOR. This is a white stereotype of Asian people all smooshed together and it’s always completely shit.  Yes, I am the authority on this. Accept it.)  

Two - That said, Jughead sneering at him during his early Serpent membership days that Reggie doesn’t know what “honor” is provoked Reggie into trying to punch Jughead in the face, so nice callback, I guess?

Third, Marty Mantle is selfish to the very last.  His personal desire to ‘die with honor’ is so unhelpful to Reggie, and doesn’t ameliorate any of the failures of his life or what he did to Reggie as a child.  He just wants this last vanity for himself.  I reject this redemption arc attempt for Marty Mantle.   Plus this is very gendered of me probably, but I much prefer that men stay alive and live long to do the dishes and change the diapers and wash the windows than ‘die with honor’ in some stupid glorious annihilation.  Please stay alive and scrub the toilet bowl.

 At the morgue, Sabrina and Nick say solemn farewells to each other while little birds come to watch. Sabrina sexually molests Jughead Jones’s corpse a second time before Nick Scratch eases back into the land of the dead. They play very obtrusive sad piano music over this but I’m repelled and confused.  Would it have been impossible to give us a very small short exposition dump about who the hell these people are and what is going on via Heather? 

The sourness of this scene is immediately washed away though by the very next scene.

Reggie, in his lonely big luxury bedroom that he stole from Veronica using the help of the devil (I love Riverdale) cries out, ‘What the hell am I supposed to do?’ about his father’s unknowing rejection of the plan to harvest Kevin’s heart for a transplant. He’s immediately answered by his own voice emanating from the Reggie Puppet.   Reggie’s conscience is much more intelligent than his normal self but the thing is, I am inclined to think that Reggie’s conscience refuses to cohabit with Reggie in his body.  Reggie’s conscience works via Puppet Zoom.  

Reggie’s distant relationship with his conscience is shown by his calling it “Bro.”    Riverdale is brilliant.

Reggie says that this is Percival testing him, and is advised by his own conscience that the best course of action is to skip town with the whole test - Kevin, his Dad, himself. 

Sabrina comes back to Thornhill, where again, nobody is asking about the Cheryl-with-A Fox’s-Head self portrait given absolute pride of place.  She asks, not very interested, on how they all made out with the highly dangerous mission to the Sweet Hereafter.  (The show also skimps out on telling us how they got back.  I wanted to see Charon bring them back.)   

Betty, the one who wasn’t Good (™) enough to even get to visit, is the one who loudly blares out that everyone failed.  This is very in character for Betty. She’s annoyed at everyone else’s failure.  Cheryl adds that ‘some’ of them were hostile (meaning Fangs, mostly).  

I want to punch Sabrina in her perfect pretty face for the way she smirks at Tabitha as she asks if Tabitha managed to “pull at Jughead’s heartstrings.”  Oh. My God. You bitch. I don’t know what happened to you on your show, but I’m glad your boyfriend is dead and you have Aunties who did whatever it was that made you cry. 

Tabitha says she just could not bring herself to ask Jughead to come back, to pull at those heartstrings.  Jabitha are fascinating - it’s sort of what happens when two too-good people, used to sacrifice and duty, get together.  Tabitha cannot bring herself to insist that her happy boyfriend come back to life, especially because she told him the truth about the overwhelming number of realities in which their mission fails and he dies.

Betty decides that everyone who doesn’t want to do what she needs them to do is crazy, and she’s backed up by Veronica who decides that the best thing to do in the face of resistance against what she thinks is right is to use brute force.

So, Sabrina, playing hide the ball TO THE LAST, finally reveals that Cheryl has the power of the phoenix and can summarily yank people back from the dead.  

Cheryl, going from reclining to gesticulating, is delightful. She asks what the hell the Power of the Phoenix is.  Even though Heather wasn’t allowed to give us the Sabrina-and-Nick exposition dump, she unhelpfully gives the useless definition of what a phoenix is. (Did Cheryl really not know?).  

This is coo-coo bananas. But I’m also kind of feeling it.

You said it Cheryl.

Heather finally lays out what the risks are:  Souls might return incomplete!  Infected with malignancy!  And will (she says MIGHT but actually it’s WILL)  resent you for the rest of their (un)natural lives!  (Just like Buffy did, when she revealed she’d been in heaven to her necromancer witch friend in the musical episode!)

 Betty seems to do a quick calculation of who has died, and she’s very indifferent to most of their potential resentment and further seems to trust that Archie probably won’t resent her. (Whatever Toni, Fangs, Dagwood and Jughead might feel about anything is of no interest to her whatsoever.)  Tabitha, the only one armed with real information about the potential futures, says that they really don’t have a lot of choice, because the worst is “yet to come.”

Cheryl is the best person in Riverdale. She really is. She’s told by Sabrina the Asshole that she has to burn all the corpses so that they may HOPEFULLY rise from the ashes. This thesis is untested then. AND she has to do it all alone, and given the hostile presence of people like Betty, take on all the blame if it fails.  But she steps up and says she’ll do it in the mines without hesitation.

Reggie’s escape plan does not quite work.  Reggie, Kevin and Marty are caught before they even gets to leave the building. Percival is not surprised, but is disappointed by Reginald.

Cheryl is not as good as Jughead’s corpse in reciting an incantation, but the spell works anyway.

To let the audience know that at minimum, Archie will not resent Betty and Toni will not resent Cheryl, we are briefly shown that Archie was willing to come back to “Fight the War” and Toni came to the realization that her reality in heaven was a fabrication.  Whoever constructed the Toni-Fangs heaven did a shitty job.  They didn’t bother making up any further photos for the photo album!  

As their corpses magically burn, the heaven-selves start to heat up.  Jughead is not given any chance to have a change of heart about coming back alive.  He’s going to be the only one yanked out of a perfect-for-him heaven in which he was perfectly happy to be resurrected in a reality in which he knows he is overwhelmingly likely to suffer a SECOND miserable death in his twenties.  

We get a Harry Potter fiery phoenix CGI effect to prove that the spell worked, after which we are shown Jughead, Dagwood, Nana Rose, Toni, Fangs and Archie walking out whole and hale from the blue flames.

Sabrina is walked out of Thornhill by Cheryl looking gorgeous in a red dress. What Sabrina does next puts the final nail in my I Hate Sabrina Spellman casket.   Sabrina tells Cheryl to “just be careful” which is a slap-buying offense for being fucking vaguefor something as serious as upsetting Death.  Sabrina didn’t give the warning for the potential risks for the spell caster before the spell was cast, and doesn’t give a proper explanation for what the risks are now that she’s taken the risk.  

Jughead is silent in his misery as he always is, and this time his pain is about being brought back to corporeal life on the mortal plane.  In very gentle, kind tones, Tabitha tearfully explains that he had to come back to the cold miserable reality of actual life in order to fight off the apocalypse. Then, because she’s Jughead-coded Tabitha says secondly that she wanted her boyfriend to not be dead because she loves him.   

It turns out Jughead can hear AND read thoughts. He says that this ‘cushions the blow.’  Which means it had REALLY been bothering him but he never spoke of the misery his hearing loss gave him.  

I’m worried that Jabitha are going to self-abnegate into oblivion.   And maybe this has to do with fitting into camera angles, but Tabitha is developing the same terrible hunched posture as Jughead.

At Thornhill, Heather asks  Cheryl how things really were in the Sweet Hereafter.  This suddenly made me a huge fan of Heather.  Heather understands that there is a public and private Cheryl, and also that access to the private Cheryl requires a soft touch, to be made in utmost confidence and discretion. 

Cheryl admits that she was pained to see her family happy without her, but that she took matters into her own hands.   Cheryl resurrected Polly, Jason and Dagwood!  As Heather looks very freaked out, Polly and Cheryl smile creepily at each other.   Polly came back wrong, right? Right?

Betty and Archie are cuddling, because Archie is given lead boy cushioning and went from being with Dream Betty to Actual Betty.  Betty is a smartie and laughs at the very dumb choices that Archie made in heaven to name their kids Polly and Fred.  The show is not as vicious to Archie as it is to Jughead, but it is unkind.  Archie is not very talented at music from the point of view of a teacher who doesn’t want to molest him and he didn’t have very good boxing skills from the point of view of a coach who knows the sport, and in his heaven he picked names for his dream children that his living actual girlfriend thinks are uncreative, because he’s just not smart.  

Tabitha checks in on Veronica.  Veronica is given not great news that she could be Endgame with Archie in the same percentage as Barchie being endgame.  Um.  Tabitha says as a conclusion that Veronica’s future is ‘up for grabs.’ Which could mean I dunno JERONICA endgame or VEGGIE endgame just as well but oh man.   

Why is Veronica not more upset about what has happened with the casino? 

In the vault of the casino Kevin Keller’s father has abandoned Kevin to be executed by Percival in the morning. I mean, the Mantles are in there too but wow that is COLD.  Reggie turns out to have a magic knife in his possession. He’s determined to kill Percival.

Tabitha is doing the rounds. She checks in on Toni and Fangs.  My general impression of that apartment is it being dank and dark, but with Tabitha there it’s revealed to be a bright yellow interior, with flowering hanging plants.  Is this the magic of Tabitha?  

Fangs, by the way, still has not touched Baby Anthony.  He and Toni are seated next to the crib staring at the baby, but he doesn’t touch him. At all. What gives??

Tabitha tells them that Baby Anthony is immortal.   Then she announces that she is Riverdale’s guardian angel.  She is lit like the Virgin Mary in Renaissance paintings as she says this.  

[bioshock-2-was-a-good-game]

Not wanting to be purely negative, here's some things I liked about bioshock infinite, because I truly did enjoy parts of the game.

Booker and Elizabeth- Up until the killing of a certain revolutionary, I liked the relationship being built up here. I liked the idea of a sour grumpy man being changed for the better as he helped a naive girl through a dangerous city. There were some moments I really enjoyed just having with them. When she bandaged Booker's hand after getting stabbed, when Booker and her go to the bar basement and they play a song for the kid and give him an apple. It was moments like that I really looked forward to even if they were few.

The Luteces- Do I understand the point of these two? Nope. I still have no clue whatsoever on why they work and why they do what they do, but you gotta know I loved them. Any time I could find them doing something random and amusing was a time I looked forward to. I would have loved to learn more about Robert and his transition to Columbia, but still, liked them both all around.

Sender- Now I got my own beef with vigors (I'm sorry, the dlc still got me upset) But this vigor is valid and I loved it. From the little sound bullets make as their taken, to the animation of watching it murder someone, I always looked forward to using this bad boy because it was just so useful!

The City- The city, ignoring it's inhabitants, was really pretty and felt lived in. I loved the art deco of the first two games, but something about the coud surrounded city was just nice to have (I blame the opening sequence).

Comstock's Death- I don't know what it was, but I really liked this scene especially after beating the game. The rage Booker let's out as he's unable to fully comprehend why he personally hates this man in front of him was something I thought was import. Also as a religious person myself (and because its game chill) I liked that fact that a man who twisted words of love and peace to use it against people and put them down so he could rise up, got what he had coming to him.

Voice Acting- Not much to add here besides I really just liked it. Everyone did a really good job in that part.

Still moments- one thing this game had that the other two didn't really, was moments where the city is just a city. People are working and doing their daily things and it was nice to just experience that sometimes.

Song bird- If you read my other posts, you knew it was coming. I love him. I love everything about this funky little dude. His design, his chirps, his love of music, the way he nuzzles Elizabeth when he thinks she actually cares and wants to go with him. He's just cute. It makes me want to get one of the large stuffed versions of him you see in the toy store. (Also the idea that Songbird might be a Booker always got me too and I really like that. I know it's not a canon thing but I still wanted to throw that in.)

[banditvld]

hello babies. it is i, kit. this is my prettie nb kiddo bandit, lead rapper for particle and deadpan Disaster. pls find some info about them under the cut !! you can also find their pinterest here, and their bio here. pls like this for me to send u a message to ur ims or hit me up @ ho ho cham#8974

under the cut: infidelity tw, gender dysphoria tw, internalized h*mophobia tw, cats tw

first thing’s first, bandit identifies as non-binary. they use they/them pronouns, however with how south korea/the idol industry/etc are, they’ve had to learn to accept he/him assumptions. they sort of take it as being called male passing. 

only really particle and close friends will know about them identifying as non-binary as well, so that’s something we’ll have to plot !

the only time its "ok" to use he/him is if your muse has dialogue talking about them and they dont know better. please use they/them in your internal musings. 

while it’s not something that’s widely known or ever been confirmed on camera, over the years in v-lives, interviews, etc they’ve definitely dropped little breadcrumbs about their identity

from a distance you could be like oh they’re just an lgbt ally but if you squint u could take a good guess

if you have any questions feel free to ask me !

onto the tldr of their bio !

born in south korea, has an older brother and a younger sister

for years their father was cheating on their mother, she knew the whole time and eventually had enough, dumping his ass and taking the kids with her

mom fell in love with an italian woman in south korea on business, and after years of long distance dating she moved herself and the kids to italy

due to mayb a little internalized h*mophobia bandit was never rly Down with having two moms, on top of trying to fit in a european country when they barely spoke the language. it was all a lot at once

so when they were 15 and dad got into contact and asked if bandit wanted to live with him they said hell yea

regrets were had. dad was a dick. put himself on a pedestal he couldn’t live up to. did Not nurture bandit’s creative spirit the way their mom’s had but they didn’t realize how good they had it in italy until it was too late

bandit started to rebel. skipping school. sneaking out at night. eventually they found the underground rap scene and was Embraced. which was the support they were looking for

kmg were sniffing around and Found bandit, promised maybe more than they would deliver but they signed on the dotted lineeeeeeee

and, some more info !

acts like they dont care -- but trust they care a lot

has two sphynx cats at home, feta and cammy ( camembert ). they r........ their children

is demisexual/demiromantic. is actually a pretty sexual person but doesn’t have the Trust to be open with a lot of people like that

their mom worked as a makeup artist and would often try out looks on them and teach them techniques. it’s an art form they rly respect and can get creative with it themselves sometimes

is creative in a lot of different ways. paints, sculpts, draws, whittles, makes soaps and candles, knits and crochets once in a while. they are Average at most of these hobbies

all their gifts are hand made.......... forget whats in their bank account the bitch is making u a scented candle for ur birthday

and has knit their precious cat babies most of their sweaters

basically everything in their house is second hand from a market or a thrift store

closet included

very much a home body. will go out if they’re asked but will not organize themselves

with their introverted personality, they speak a lot through their music. prefers Loud beats and noise

pretty deadpan with dry humor. deep but not that deep

ask for advice? great, they will support you 100%. go against what they say and ask for more advice? don’t bother

they are affectionate if they’re really comfortable with u, otherwise Dont Touch Them.... unless ur matter then u can touch

will grow their hair out as Long as Possible between promos. will have apple top hair, space buns, u name it to keep their hair out of their face

if they have to cut their hair......... they want something funky. dye it. give them a mullet or smth pls @ kmg

can speak korean and italian, but their english is........ Fine. they’ve been learning japanese for the past year or so

that’s all for now i think pls love them

[eldritchsurveys]

977.

How old are you? >> 33.

Do you live in North America? >> Yes.

Do you love dogs? >> I do love dogs. I teeter on the fence constantly about whether I would actually want to take custody of one or not, though. What I truly want is a trained support dog -- not a full service dog, because I don’t need that level of assistance, but I guess “emotional support animal” is the term I’m looking for even though that’s gotten a bit fraught lately. Once I saw a video (which was weird to watch because it felt a bit voyeuristic, but hey) where a person was having a meltdown and the dog came and prevented them from harming themselves, and I think I could greatly benefit from that as opposed to having to hope that Can Calah (who has no real power over the body 99.8% of the time) can stop me.

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? >> The first movie came out in 2001, which means I was 14 at the time.

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? >> I never had any.

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? >> I don’t have an opinion.

Have you ever watched an episode of “The Honeymooners”? >> I’ve watched a fair bit of it, because of the New Year’s marathons.

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? >> No, Converse shoes are uncomfortable for me.

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? >> No, I just have a pair with white polka dots because that was all I could find at the store at that time. I want to get a cute pair at some point but I keep forgetting (and I use them so infrequently that it doesn’t even seem to matter now -- snow boots are far more important here).

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? >> Apple. We’re out of them, though.

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? >> I can’t do a backflip, anyway. So, cartwheel by default.

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? >> Yeah, many times.

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? >> I wanted to be the goths. Unfortunately, I had very little control over what I was allowed to wear, do, or listen to, so...

What size is your mattress? (single,twin,double,queen,king) >> Twin.

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? >> No.

Would you rather watch a movie in theater or at home? >> Right now, at home 100%. Usually there will be a few movies that I would choose to see in-theater because I want the big-screen experience, and also because I like making An Event out of things sometimes by having to actually go out somewhere to experience them.

Do you prefer brown or white rice? >> I use white rice most often. I’m not sure if brown rice would taste the same in coconut rice (which is the kind of rice I eat most often)... should try it sometime just to see.

Do you like spaghetti? >> Not especially.

What about lasagna? >> It’s all right sometimes. I just don’t eat a lot of pasta, period.

Do you celebrate Christmas? >> Yes.

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? >> No, this country’s Thanksgiving is in November.

Do you like chocolate bars? >> Not usually.

what about ice cream? >> I don’t dislike ice cream as much as I just never have a taste for it (and I’m particular about flavour).

Have you ever been stung by anything?What was it? >> No.

Do you have GOD-GIVEN(not dyed) natural brown hair too? >> I do have natural brown hair.

Or were you born blonde? >> Not even close.

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? >> Yeah, I have several greys. I can’t wait to grow more, it’s my favourite hair colour.

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? >> No.

Have you ever been screened for STDs? >> Yeah.

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? >> No, I still have them all. The dentist suggested getting them pulled because one of them was starting to have an issue of some sort, but like... “starting to have an issue” (and only one of them, besides) isn’t enough motivation for me to get four whole teeth pulled.

Did you have your tonsils taken out? >> No.

Did you have your appendix taken out? >> No.

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) >> I haven’t donated a kidney.

Would you(to save someone)? >> If it was viable, sure, why not.

If you were dying of starvation, would you eat another human? >> I can’t imagine what it would be like to be starving, so I can’t rightly say what I would do. That sort of extreme survival situation turns you into a whole different person, I can’t speak for myself in that state until I actually know what it’s like. (I have no current moral objections to it, though, so I’m assuming I’d have less trouble eating a person than someone who finds it repugnant in normal circumstances.)

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? >> No.

Do you like Harry Potter? >> I thought it was all right. I liked certain characters and plot concepts, specifically, and mostly ignored the rest of them (including... the main characters, lol). Now I have even less interest in it after watching JKR get radicalised in real time, not gonna lie. (Still reppin’ Slytherin from Malfoy Manor, though! :p)

What about Twilight? >> I never got into that, the first book bored me.

How do you feel about Lord of the rings? >> I think it’s an amazing and intricate and delightful story. But I didn’t read it, lmao. Too much book and far too much exposition in said book for my interests. The movies are what I’m into.

Are you going to see ‘The Hobbit’ when it comes out? >> I saw the whole trilogy. I never did get around to reading the book, but I’ll probably do so eventually (after my reread of Silmarillion, which comes first!).

Do you have a glass that says 'Molson Canadian’ on it? >> I don’t. I have a glass that says “Guinness” on it, though. And my name.

Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? >> No.

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? >> Black or stainless steel, I’m quite done with white fridges and I never want to see one again.

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? >> I assume my foot is average.

Do you bite your nails when you’re stressed? >> No, I’m a picker.

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? >> No, I don’t have allergies.

Are you on the birth control pill? >> Yeah. It’s more like the dysphoria control pill, for me.

Or are you trying to get pregnant? >> I would never.

You’d rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? >> Black, because they’d match with everything I have. I’m sometimes tempted to get funky sneakers but the novelty wears off so quickly.

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? >> Sure.

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? >> Most likely not. Also, I’m a day-drinker, not a night-drinker, because I don’t like things messing with my sleep.

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called “Mr.Dressup”? >> No. But I’m so glad Lane got to take a survey that had Canadian stuff in it instead of being inundated with common USian bullshit for once xD

What about the kids show “Fred Penner’s Place”? >> ---

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? >> I didn’t.

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some(or a lot) of health issues? >> I can’t recall having any health problems whatsoever as a child.

What are those 'said’ health issues? >> ---

Do you collect DVDs? >> No.

Do you download music? >> No.

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? >> I haven’t bought a CD in at least a decade.

[sims-psycho]

I’m pretty sure I already asked you the hella cute questions for Billie 🤔 So odds for Luna and evens for Kit! 💕

ok, so, this took me so. fucking. long. but I love you for it cuz I’m shit at char development so thANK YOU FOR ASKING ANGEL!!! ♡ ♡  

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? ~ Kane of course

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? ~ I know this probably isn’t what you mean, but I have a meeting with the drama teacher at college today to see if I can help with the costume design for the musical and I’m pretty excited *smiles*

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? ~ I know he would because he may or may not have had to in the past *blushes*

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? ~ Yes, me and Kane are really good

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? ~ Depends on who it’s with

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? ~ ‘Yeah sure, do you need anything else?’ to my mum, she wants me to grab some stuff from the shop on my way home

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? ~ My hair gets really tangled so not really

15. What good thing happened this summer? ~ summers not over yet! *giggles*

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? ~ Absolutely, even if it’s just a shred of bacteria, the universe is to extensive for use to the be the only ones

19. Do you like bubble baths? ~ Ooo, yes, a lot *laughs*

21. What are you bad habits? ~ I’m a bit of a workaholic, so I guess that’s sort of a bad habit

23. Do you have trust issues? ~ I don’t think so, thankfully

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? ~ My nose is really wide and, yeah i know it’s silly but everyone has their insecurities i guess

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? ~ Not at all, I love my skin tone and my heritage

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? ~ I’ve only really been with Kane

31. If your hair long enough for a ponytail? ~ I guess, but it’s not really ‘long’ more just big

33. Spell your name with your chin. ~ ,ljna *giggles* I tried

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? ~ As much as I love a good Netflix binge I’d have to say TV, music is just so good in so many different situations

37. What do you say during awkward silences? ~ Depends on the situation, but I normally try and say something positive, if not that I just stay quiet

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? ~ I only really buy second hand clothes, or I make them so I don’t really know

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? ~ Yes, the core of someone never changes, but how they view the world does

43. Do you smile at strangers? ~ Sometimes *smiles*

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? ~ I guess I just always have stuff to do

47. Have you ever been high? ~ Maybe….*looks sus*

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? ~ Yes *looks uncomfortable*

51. Ever wished you were someone else? ~ When I was a young teen, but I don’t think that’s that unusual

53. Favourite makeup brand? ~ Milk makeup

55. Favourite blog? ~ n/a

57. Favourite food? ~ Any kind of caribbean food my mum makes

59. First thing you ate this morning? ~ Crumpets *cute smile*

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? ~ Omg never, that would be the end of my life right now

63. Ever been in love? ~ I am right now *blushes*

65. Are you hungry right now? ~ Not really

67. Facebook or Twitter? ~ Facebook

69. Are you watching tv right now? ~ How did you know!? *looks shocked* I’m halfway through sex education and it’s hilarious *giggles*

71. Craving something? What? ~ I could always eat dark chocolate, it’s my favourite

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? ~ Yeah…..my little bunny *blushes*

75. Favourite animal? ~ I like deers,  just think they’re really elegant

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? ~ Vanilla

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? ~ It’s like a pinky red sort of colour

81. Favourite tv show? ~ I really love Killing Eve

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? ~ Who even likes mean girls 2!? *scoffs and laughs*

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? ~ Gretchen *giggles*

87. First person you talked to today? ~ My mum

89. Name a person you hate? ~ I don’t think I really hate anyone

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? ~ No!!

93. How many sweatpants do you have? ~ Only a couple pairs, and I only wear them in the house

95. Last movie you watched? ~ Me and the gang watched birdbox last weekend, it was really creepy

97. Favourite actor? ~ I don’t think I have one

99. Have any pets? ~ We have a cat called Beanie, technically she’s my mums cat but she’s also kinda the family cat *smiles*

101. Do you type fast? ~ Oh yeah, it’s like fire comes off my fingers *laughs*

103. Can you spell well? ~ Uhh, yeah *smirks*

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? ~ I’ve been to a bbq party with family, but I don’t think thats the same *giggles*

107. Have you ever been on a horse? ~ Yeah, me and my sisters used to go to a horse riding club when we were little *smiles*

109. Is something irritating you right now? ~ Nope

111. Do you have trust issues? ~ No, I don’t have any reason to distrust anyone I know

113. What was your childhood nickname? ~ Little moon, or sometimes just lune

115. Do you play the Wii? ~ Me and my sisters used to play the super mario wii all the time when we were kids *smiles*

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? ~ Yeah, it’s alright

119. Favourite book? ~ The Art of Faminisim

121. Are you mean? ~ I….I don’t think so

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? ~ Can anyone? *laughs*

125. Do you believe in true love? ~ Yeah, I think I do

127. What makes you happy? ~ Luckily, a lot. Off the top of my head, my family and friends, Kane, fashion and art and music and good food and a lot of other things *smiles sweetly*

129. What your zodiac sign? ~ Cancer

131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? ~ Be incredibly confused because Eli’s gay *laughs*

133. Favourite lyrics right now? ~ “You and I, wide awake / With the sky falling down / As we wait for the morning / Is there a place in the stars / Where the sky goes to sleep? / We got no way of knowing” Feel by Jacob Collier and Lianne La Havas

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? ~ Oh I can’t remember, I’ve probably told some dumb ones to my parents when I was younger though

137. How tall are you? ~ 5′7

139. Brunette or Blonde? ~ My hair is brown

141. Night or Day? ~ Day

143. Are you a vegetarian? ~ No, but I wouldn’t say I’m a huge meat eater either

145. Tea or Coffee? ~ Tea, I have lots of herbal teas that I drink depending on my mood *smiles*

147. Mars or Snickers? ~ Ooo, snickers

149. Do you believe in ghosts? ~ Yes, sadly it happens to unrested spirits *lowers head*

2. Are you outgoing or shy? ~ I’m super outgoing dude *laughs*

4. Are you easy to get along with? ~ I’m so chill, what are you sayin, of course *winks*

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? ~ Oh man, anyone who’s fit straight off, but people who are just ‘out there’ y’know

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? ~ I saw a spunk on the beach last night, she disappeared before I could introduce myself

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? ~ Kasper, he lectures me all the time

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? ~ Ooh, that’s a toughie, uhhh, Cake by the Ocean, Funky Duck, Feels Like Summer, Andromeda aaanddd…..Wonderwall *laughs*

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? ~ Sure, why not *chuckles* a lot of crazy shit happens everyday man

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? ~ No joke, don’t know the last person I kissed, oops *laughs, embarrassed*

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? ~ Nah

20. Do you like your neighbors? ~ They’re a’ight. They don’t really leave there place though

22. Where would you like to travel? ~ I dunno, I’ve been to a lot of places, don’t really know where I want to go next

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? ~ I normally skate to the cafe Billie works at most mornings and grab a smoothie

26. What do you do when you wake up? ~ Jerk off *smirks*

28. Who are you most comfortable around? ~ Andie for sure, she sucks a lot sometimes, but she’s my sister and no one really gets me like she does

30. Do you ever want to get married? ~ Meh, maybe someday, but not for a loooooonggg time *chuckles*

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? ~ you have no idea how happy I am i got this question *laughs cheekily* Chris Hemsworth and Cara Delevingne, I wouldn’t need to get any for like a year if that happned *laughs*

34. Do you play sports? What sports? ~ I surf and skate a lot, it’s kind of all I do tbh, me and Kas box together sometimes too

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? ~ Yup *smirks*

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? ~ Someone adventurous and confident who can put me in my place *winks*

40. What do you want to do after high school? ~ Man, no one has asked me about school in like, 40 years *laughs*

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? ~ I’m never quiet *smirks*

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ~ Defo bottom of the ocean, I bet theres a lot of my shit down there *laughs*

46. What are you paranoid about? ~ I dunno, sometimes I freak out because the government is fucking up our planet and shit but Maya always tells me one day we’ll be the ones pulling the strings and it makes me feel alright

48. Have you ever been drunk? ~ *laughs* oh yeah

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? ~ Pink i think *chuckles*

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? ~ I’m perfect, what are you saying *smiles cheekily*

54. Favourite store? ~ Theres this tiny sakte shop across town that sell all sorts of cool shit

56. Favourite colour? ~ Like a greeny-blue kinda colour

58. Last thing you ate? ~ I think like an apple or something

60. Ever won a competition? For what? ~ I’ve won a fair few surf competitions in my time *smirks*

62. Been arrested? For what? ~ I know have, but I can’t remember what for, hasn’t happened in a while, I’m obviously not trying hard enough *winks*

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? ~ pashed my p.e teacher in the kit room, that shit was hot *smirks cheekily*

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? ~ n/a

68. Twitter or Tumblr? ~ Twitter

70. Names of your bestfriends? ~ Andie, Kapser, Teegs, Erik, Maya and Max. I’ve got some friends back in Oz but I haven’t seen them in forever

72. What colour are your towels? ~ Black, cuz we emo in my house *laughs*

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? ~ None, i got this scraggly monkey thing that hangs from my rear view mirror in my car though *chuckles*

76. What colour is your underwear? ~ You wanna take a look yourself darlin’? *winks and smiles cheekily*

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? ~ All of them, I fucking dig ice cream so much, especially ben n jerry

80. What colour pants? ~ You really into my clothes aren’t you *smirks* I got green trunks on

82. Favourite movie? ~ The original Alien is fun

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? ~ 21 jump street defo, although I did like mean girls waay more than I thought I would when I saw it

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? ~ Shiiiit, I fucking loved that film, haven’t seen it in years though, whats the turtle called again? You know the really stoned one? *laughs* yeah him, or the shark

88. Last person you talked to today? ~ Kasper, I think

90. Name a person you love? ~ Getting all sappy now are we *smirks* want me to say you? I can if you want babe *winks*

92. In a fight with someone? ~ Nah, don’t take a lot to get me there though *smirks*

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? ~ A fucking lot *laughs*

96. Favourite actress? ~ Margot Robbie is hot as fuck *smirks*

98. Do you tan a lot? ~ I’m tan 24/7 bby *chuckles*

100. How are you feeling? ~ High as fuck *laughs*

102. Do you regret anything from your past? ~ Yeah, but I try not to think about it, live in the moment and shit

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? ~ Sometimes, but I normally forget about it within a couple of mins

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? ~ Ahhh probably, have you seen me, how could I not *winks*

108. What should you be doing? ~ Fuck all *laughs*

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? ~ Fuuuck, yeaaaaah

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? ~ I don’t cry around people….I don’t really cry at all tbh

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? ~ I’ve been all over the world darlin’ *smirks* I’m a cultured guy *chuckles*

116. Are you listening to music right now? ~ I’m in a cafe and theres music playing so yeah

118. Do you like Chinese food? ~ I like all food

120. Are you afraid of the dark? ~ Haha, I do most of my wirk in the dark so I fucking hope not *laughs*

122. Is cheating ever okay? ~ No, unless your girl or guy cheated first, then it’s just payback

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? ~ Yeah, I’ve seen it happen

126. Are you currently bored? ~ Nah, you’re very entertaining *smiles cheekily*

128. Would you change your name? ~ Nah, my name’s alright

130. Do you like subway? ~ Not really, I don’t eat a lot of fast food

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? ~ Kasper I think

134. Can you count to one million? ~ I Have to to count the reasons why you and me would make a cute couple *winks and then laughs*

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? ~ Closed, who the fuck leaves it open!?

138. Curly or Straight hair? ~ My hair is kinda wavey, and on other people i like all types, I don’t descriminate *smirks*

140. Summer or Winter? ~ Summer!

142. Favourite month? ~ June duh, it’s my birthday month

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? ~ yes *laughs*

146. Was today a good day? ~ It was a’ight

148. What’s your favourite quote? ~ Maya and Erik spurt some educational shit at me all the time but fuck do I have a ‘favourite quote’ *laughs*

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? ~ the closest book to me right now is in the library across town so no way mate *chuckles

[oftripps]

“ –– wow. ”  it’s not so much a critique as it is a g-rated expletive. tripp forces a smile mid-chew and blinks. “ my tastebuds are screaming. gah–– uh, singing. singing. ”  he avoids swallowing and as ring-decorated fingers snag a napkin, wide eyes drifting to the tabletop as a small jingle breezes past tensed lips. “ ~ allergic to mushrooms ~ ”

or, alternatively: this is somethin’ new! the caspar slide pt. 2 !! & this time, it’s ‘bout to get funky !!  so i’m linc and this is tripp and he’s........ a trip, honestly, so let’s just... yeet on into this ––

( joe keery + 22 + muse 12 ) isn’t that phillip joel “tripp” goodman over there? i heard he joined faction: one after they got back to west ham. it’s funny, ‘cause they were only on the service trip because HIS BANDMATES DUPED HIM INTO THINKING THE SIGN-UP WAS FOR A WOODS-THEMED OPEN MIC GIG. hopefully they fit in there – they’re JAUNTY but also OUTRÉ. oh, i’m sure they’ll be fine.

out the door !  ( tripp goodman: a roadmap )

look up townie family in the dictionary and you’ll find a portrait of the goodmans directly beside. these folks have a looooong flippin’ legacy here in lil’ ole west ham, kansas. it all started with montgomery goodman, a good man, who helped west ham’s founders break ground on this midwestern charmer several centuries ago. and now, the goodmans still live on the same property –– a refurbished farmhouse ( now closer to mcmansion ) surrounded by five acres of roooooollin’ hills. once upon a time, they were farming folk. now, theresa and joel goodman run the town’s one and only veterinary clinic. 

honestly, growing up? tripp was a problematic kid. he’d take in frogs from the woods and start his own frog hotels. he’d sneak pets from the clinic to school who “ needed help learning their numbers ”. in class, he’d flick sunflower seeds at the backs of his peers’ heads and, when threatened with discipline, claim he simply “ wanted to see if they’d grow  ” .  so no, to answer your question–– tripp never really saw the real wrath warranted by his rulebreaking.

in fourth grade, he chose the saxophone as his required instrument. he caused such a commotion in his house, that his parents asked his teachers to suggest something quieter. the viola. the flute. the clarinet. the piano. instruments came and went,;instruments were quickly mastered and abandoned. because dear lord, how many times could they listen to the spongebob theme song played on woodwind ?!  on strings ?!  once middle school rolled around, little phillip joel knew his way around a whopping total of six instruments, a tally that would only grow in the coming years. eventually, his parents caved and allowed him to keep playing, so long as he respected instrument curfews. they gave song requests to avoid hearing the same pieces on repeat: the goodman household was probably the only one blessed with an oboe-and-beatbox rendition of under the sea. young phillip joel’s take on the issue was simple: not all heroes wore capes.

( tw: domestic unrest, mentions of violence ) theresa and joel split when tripp was 9. just seven months later, tripp’s mother moved in with her girlfriend: tripp’s guitar teacher, ms. lillith. tripp didn’t mind ms. lillith. she was chill. he came to find out she could knock back a chocolate milk almost as fast as he could, and she liked her grilled cheeses with swiss only. his best friend became a thirty-six year old woman who happened to be his mother’s girlfriend. and that was fine. he could dig it. but joel goodman? oh no. his family name was tarnished. the scandal was too much to bear. joel sued for full custody and nearly made it, thanks to hometown politics and loyalties. but then he made one fatal mistake: he crossed his own son.

at 10 years old, fifth grade phillip joel returned home to his father’s after school with three fingernails painted effervescent blue. sidney frasier made me so cool, he gushed as he put his colored nails on proud display. dad, aren’t i so cool?  the next day, his dad enrolled him in the town’s peewee football program. he returned home from his first practice with a black eye and a split lip. from a ball, the coach insisted. hit the poor fella square in the face, real strong. phillip joel put up a fight against football; it wasn’t for him. it conflicted with music practice. couldn’t he just play music with ms. lillith instead?

the custody battle persisted. they settled on a parenting schedule. joel contested, consistently, months later. and so the cycle persisted up until phillip joel’s 12th year, when he was knocked out cold on the football field. the broken ribs came from hefty tackles. bruises from the fall. concussion from the impact. but theresa spun it to her advantage: joel had since started coaching the middle school team. this was an instance of parental neglect. and, when the courts didn’t comply, she instructed her son to jump down the stairs. one broken ankle later, and joel goodman was accused of child abuse. his word against his injured son’s. the maneuver won theresa full custody. phillip joel has yet to forgive himself.

after the custody battle’s conclusion, joel stayed in town: but phillip joel didn’t want a thing to do with sharing his name. his mother still scolds him as phillip joel, but to everyone else, he became tripp –– inspired by his knack for, you guessed it!, tumbling over his own two feet.

in high school, tripp was the class clown. always smirking, always grinning, always ready to catch someone off guard. he became a pivotal part of west ham high’s jazz band, and even formed a small group with a few buds: face. they played some school events: homecoming, pep rallies, prom. garage-baked young rock, their songs often preached meetings under bleachers and high school never ending. 

in senior year, the band saw a reboot: and after assuming a more indie, spacey sound and a nifty new name –– 1757. –– they saw a rise in local celebrity. coffee shops commissioned them for jam nights. they played on the local radio. so they collectively decided to stick around and see how far they could ride this west ham fame train. with tripp as their frontman, they always leave a memorable impression: he’s not exactly the most run-of-the-mill performer.

1757.’s sound is reminiscent of LANY: i’ve reblogged a few tunes onto tripp’s blog for reference. he’s v much a paul klein / matty healy vibe. big into music. big into losing himself in it.

so what was he up to before the service trip? playin’ tunes. working part-time as a waiter. and brainstorming ways to get out of going on this trip, as soon as he realized his stupid bandmates lied about the form he signed. an open mic in the woods ! pah !  he should have known. but the concept sounded pretty flippin’ cool.

wear our shades on our nose, 'cause we're cool like that ( tripp goodman: the man, the myth, the ledge )

oh god, he’s  w e i r d .  he believes in goblins and ghosts and aliens ( oh my )!

still VERY VERY close with his mother. v broken up about not being able to get through to her, because it was about to be his parents’ wedding anniversary and they were going to anti-celebrate it with big slices of oreo cheesecake and setting things on fire.

how he feels about coming home to west ham: post apocalyptic version.

uhhhh... can he please get a waffle? specifically a cinnamon raisin waffle with extra cinnamon and a shit ton of syrup? actually. syrup with a side of waffles?

why he was banned from his personal twitter.

“ do you even lift, bruv? ”  * proceeds to pick up a teacup & lift his pinkie like a true knock-off british monarch, shitty accent included *

listens to wham! and glam rock. unironically.bluetooth speaker mounted on his bike. no helmet! like an absolute boss. he knows!! wild!! shades on. it’s 2am. it’s dark. but true swag obeys no clock.

catch him biking everywhere stranger things style, actually. his bike’s name is milo because he can roll on for miles. mess with milo and he’ll fuck u up. aka find out if you’re lactose intolerant and slip heavy cream into your meal.

has a strong vendetta against blue doritos. which might take root in some horrific experiences involving cheez wiz, cool ranch, weed, and the new york subway system at 4am on a tuesday. spring break freshman year of college. oof.

he has a lil drawwwwl. tease him about it. he’ll probably blush.

stress-hums chili’s babyback ribs without realizing. catch him singin’ that about to be murdered.

weapon of choice: kindness.

actual weapon of choice: baseball bat.

he will write little jingles to keep morale up. “ so we’re trapped / cash us inside / how bou’ dat ? ”

has a passion for introspective literary quotes. but... has somehow managed to learn each and every one wrong.

friggin’ loves superheroes even though he can’t be bothered to watch the films? he just… always used to get made fun of for liking comic books even though he never read them? “ arachnid man is uh...  heh. he’s pretty dope, huh? ” he embraces the falsehood. someone call him on it.

9/10 times if he’s in the gym, it’s just to eat his donut and watch pay-per-view movies on the bike for free.

apple pie can absolutely be breakfast if you try hard enough. jeez. get with the times, man!

he had a legitimate pet rock before going on this service trip. but has no idea where that bugger’s gone. probably got fed up with tripp serenading him with “ we will rock you ” at all hours of the night.

lawful good. will wave other drivers on forever.

got into an accident on his bike once. bitch broke his arm and he just kept on smiling.  “ no you have a nice day! and uh.... hey. mind if we like... call an ambulance? ”

low key feels like he’s the reason his parents’ marriage crumbled. low key guilty about it. low key wonders if maybe he lived up to his father’s expectations, he might have saved them a lot of grief.

give benny goodman by saint motel a listen and tell me that’s not his soul in audio form.

known for slightly hyperbolic storytelling.

pansexual as heck. falls in love. hard. it’s a mess. he can’t hide it. hence the shades.

he has brilliant hair. and it’s immortalized in his high school yearbook.

is hellbent on being a source of positivity in this terrible situation. can he interest you in a meme in these trying times? how ‘bout a granola bar? maybe a good ole game of mash?

he’s convinced this is an elaborate prank. or a social experiment. maybe aliens. but let’s not question it too much, let’s just.... have a good time? hakuna matata? no worries? lol where the twizzlers at?!

leaves a voicemail for his mother every morning and every night. maybe he cries. maybe.

he has one ear pierced because like.......... senior year of high school, he wanted to feel more cool.

allergic to mushrooms, shellfish, eggs, and harbingers of doom.

he truly boggles minds. just.... v out there? v spacey. he closes his eyes and drifts about on stage, fingers dancing on the keys, body moving in eclectic ways. he says “groovy” and fuckin’ means it. he dresses in prints inspired by grandma’s carpet. lots of half-buttoned flowy shirts, boots, tailored statement pants, dangly necklaces. he’s got his hands full of rings –– they symbolize milestones. and some are just, like... pretty. and one’s his mother’s old wedding band.

where the hell are my friends !  ( wanted connectz. )

i was gonna do a whole section on this and got lazy but like.... anything. all the things. good, bad, ugly, beautiful. hurt him. make him suffer. but also support him a bit.

i imagine he’s got a solid squad goin’. he’s in faction one too, so... hmu for those.

i feel like he’d be pretty chill with the greeks? yeah bro, he parties. he’ll chill. he’ll crack open a cold one and pretend to understand what those letters on your jacket mean! pie-apple-fate-uh? cool stuff !

ride or dies. pls.

he needs someone to like....... melt his heart. maybe someone unexpected.

thisssss got long & disorganized but yes! let’s plot! let’s do this thang! #hype!!

[chrysaliseuro2019]

We go Slavic

Our brief and enjoyable sojourn in Trieste was over and it was time to head for our hire car and the next stage of the trip. We continued to consider southern Italy (East Coast to the boot) vs our original plan Croatia. Googling various potential stops on the way south in Italy (a trip of at least 1000kms) suggested a lot of naff destinations on the way there. What seemed like acres of beach umbrellas and not so many of the quaint little fishing villages or smaller seaside towns which we found in Greece. In this neck of the woods mass tourism is prevailing it would seem. Still, southern Italy the real goal if that's the way we decide to go ie bypass the North and we can always hit the motorways south to speed up the journey. Croatia seemed to have some of the same problems with some pretty busy places. Anyway step 1 which might end up being the prevailing influence on which way we go was would budget rent-a-car let us move countries with the car at a reasonable price. Liz had a bit of a headache in the morning, may have been the spritz or the marginal glass of rose the night before, so had a snooze while I sussed out trains and buses. It's Sunday so we can get a very cheap train ride to the airport (where we pick the car up). 3.30 euros each. That's about A$11 for the two of us compared to taxi fare of 58 euros/A$100 No brainer and only takes half an hour. A taxi would take longer. Liz managed to make breakfast at the hotel which was the same frenetic scene as the day before and we headed for the station about 150 metres away around 11.45. The train train departed at 12.15 and by 1.00 ish we were in the short queue for the car. Very helpful and friendly Budget guy confirmed that no additional cost for travelling into Croatia or Slovenia and no problem taking the car on a ferry. We are now thinking Croatia first, followed by ferry to southern Italy from possibly Split. As ever we had a cheapo car and they were offering a Fiat Panda. Our bags would not fit in the boot so the budget man helpfully then moved us "up" to a Fiat Punto at no extra cost. Budget like thrifty seem to flog their cars a bit more than hertz so they are a bit older. Our car needed detailing given it was a late switch which he swiftly did (well, he vacuumed and cleaned the windows) and we were off with both bags stowed in the boot section. We were headed for Slovenia first, just to pass through on our way to Croatia. Our Budget man advised that we needed to get a pass for 15 euros for the Slovenian freeways or face a 400 euro fine but we could buy one at any garage en route in Italy. We always, where time permits, avoid freeways in favour of more interesting backroads but "Narelle" the trusty voice of Apple maps seemed to have us on toll roads. The hefty fine very much in mind we headed for the town of Muggia in search of the elusive Slovenian freeway pass as somehow no garages appeared on the first part of our journey. Muggia had a pretty pleasant central section and we tried to stop for lunch but like so many small towns in Italy (at least by the sea) there was nowhere that we could find to park so we continued on our way searching for that damn petrol station. We were following the coast around towards Slovenia which was not far away and feeling frustrated that we couldn't buy the pass. The coast road was one long car park with narrow beaches and cars parked much of the way along as people enjoyed the beach and sea. It was Sunday afternoon so we presumed that that was one cause for the crowds though stinking hot around 33 degrees and quite humid. We got to the border and there was a duty free shop which thankfully sold the pass so we could continue on feeling reassured. Of course it is probably a waste of money as we passed through Slovenia and totally avoided the motorways though the pass lasts for a week so who knows? We laughed to ourselves. At around 3.00 we reached Slovenia (no customs) and around 3.45, after a slowish crawl of 20 -25mins in a traffic jam to get through Croatian customs, we were in Croatia. Not hard to move countries and so quickly. Where to now? We headed for Umag which had good crits on various travel sites and reports. After a couple of circumnavigations of town we were not enthused. As a local said to us a few days later. It's a bit industrial looking - and it was. Obviously some nice sections but we either missed them or it just didn't hang together. We moved on. Liz saw the smaller town of Novigrad (Croatian) or Citinova (Italian) - same place. We headed there. This immediately ticked the buttons it seemed smaller, also on the coast but looked quaint and attractive but also quite lively. Now around 4.15. We decided to stay. We parked up and Liz started looking at booking.com. She quickly identified an apartment with good crits (10/10) at an acceptable if not exactly cheap price and we went for it. Other rooms looked pricier. Obviously a town in some demand. While we were looking for a room we had tried to pay an hour or two's parking so we could deliver our bags to the rooms but it was proving tricky to crack the system. My fault partially as I was inserting 2 Kune (local currency) coins instead of 10 Kune so no wonder a prob. However we were also getting some conflicting advice from s local on whether we should be parking where we were. Luckily we had our eyes peeled and the traffic warden was wandering around booking people so I legged it down and explained that we were still in the process of acquiring (not a word I used with him) - ticket so no prob. Close shave. Meanwhile Liz was communicating with the guy at the apartment who was keen for us to get there so he could hand over the keys and no doubt sorph off for tea. He advised that we could go to a local larger car park and park for 24 hours for about A$10/11. We found the park which was absolutely full. A couple of navigations later we struck lucky and were in but still not sorted. Despite our hosts affirmation that we could pay for 24 hours the ticket machine stubbornly refused to allow anything past midnight. A few patrons were gathered around trying to crack the system to no avail. Luckily I had gone into a bar to ask for some advice and the guy had told me you can go to the parking office around the corner and pay there. Liz was still getting angst from our host who was wondering where the heck we were. All a bit of a farce. I called her to advise of my probs getting my hands on a ticket and got a bit of relayed angst. Anyway, I found the parking office, went in, the guy spoke impeccable English said yes he could help and 1 minute later I'm on my way with a 24 hour parking ticket. They don't make it easy. He said the machine would not allow you to do that even though it indicated it would. Ha! I returned to an agitated Liz keen to get the apartment bloke off our back. We grabbed the bags, backpacks, various other bits and pieces and trundled down to the apartment just 200 metres or so away. It was still stinking hot at around 5.30 so arrived in a lather. We had just wasted an hour or so, really on nonsense. Anyway, all good. Apartment guy was very friendly and helpful. Apartment nowhere near 10/10. He must have got his mates to do the crit. Still, adequate and quite roomy and excellently located right smack in the centre of town. Had to laugh after a few hours on the road I needed to visit the facilities and the cheapo plastic seat on the loo was not affixed properly. I nearly fell in. The whole contraption fell apart later and I had to do a reco. It was not a seat for sitting on really unless you were motionless which seems a real contradiction in terms. We decided to head off promptly so had the quickest of showers and then hit town. A drink was in order and we found a nice bar by the sea. Sunset could be watched and passing promenade of people. A nearby restaurant similarly situated by the sea also looked good and we opted for that. I had the sea bass fillet and Liz crusted Tuna. Bass was magnificent, tuna good but a little less rare than Liz would have liked. Portions quite large though and neither of us could fully finish. The wine is better here than in Greece though they seem to follow the Italian style with measures which are restrained to say the least. Glasses with 0.10 mls. In Greece they give you that as a taster. Though wine basic in Greece. We had a great night, relaxing, good food. Great atmosphere. The town was pretty lively too without being over the top. Post dinner we walked around the little funfair which had dodgems which were hilarious to watch with cars crashing and backing into each other and much jolliment amongst the patrons Also other madcap rides which for us would have seen dinner re-appear. Finally we strolled back along the beachfront sort of up on the prom. Our host had said there was a bar where music was played and we found it. We didn't go in just sat on the wall above it for probably 45 mins listening to the two person female band. Both on guitars and one with a very powerful voice. They sang a variety of love ballads but not schmaltzy, some quite funky and quite a few that you knew but couldn't quite name. Shazam was employed. Really nice end to the evening. One fortuitous thing we did was literally stumble across a little hotel as we wandered around town. The Santa Marija. We asked if they had a room for the following night and yes they did including breakfast. Price acceptable. Smack in town and certainly the establishment looked better than our current joint. We couldn't check the room until the 10.00am the following morning but it was going to be a no-brainer. The lady said she would hold it for us. The next morning Liz was down there just after 10.00 and the deal was sealed. We left our digs not long after and checked straight in at the Santa Marija this was more like a 10/10, the other place - 8.0 based largely on location and certainly not the fragile latrine. Our biggest task now was to find a beach seat. Straight down there and there was plenty of choice at around 11.00. Liz went in search of some breakfast (toasted sandwich) and brought me one to the beach. We just did the usual and read, slept, blogged, watched the passers by and generally chilled for the rest of the afternoon. Heading back to the digs around 6.00pm. Dinner was very pleasant. Different place. Sticking largely to the seafood. Liz the grilled squid which was excellent and me the sea bass with grilled vegetables which was the same. Not really large portions but very rich and very filling. Liz risked the Rose which I had to polish off though was a notch up on Greek offerings. Really friendly waiter too. We had front row seats just off the prom and just soaked it all up. Post dinner bought some ice creams and floated around town ending up above the same bar as last night but different musos tonight. We were in for a treat. 3 man band, good sound and lead singer had a great voice and was the most manic guitar strummer we have ever seen. He set the place alight and second song was of all things " Men at Work - Down Under". The bar was fuller tonight and after each song applause were pretty loud. Of course we loved MOW but plenty more - "Without Love - The Doobie Bros" comes to mind so just lots of rock classics all belted out and the guitar thumping. We headed home pretty happily after a great day. We are realising how much we are enjoying smaller towns rather than the big ticket places. Also we are feeling less inclined to head out of our way to see the Roman ruins etc and other sights unless of major significance. Little villages/ small resort towns are our preference if we can find them. The car is pretty handy here as you can stop or go a you please. Liz did very well sniffing out Novigrad as it really doesn't get too many mentions in travel blurb (including Lonely Planet) yet for us was a gem.

[mattholicguilt]

Femslash February - Feb. 4 : Café

X-Men - Generation X - Jubilee/Monet

They’re shopping in downtown Snow Valley, stopping at a boutique so Monet can buy some new shoes, stopping at a cutesy little shop so Paige can buy notepads and pencils. Jubilation leads the charge, chattering nonstop about something Everett said or Emma’s new hairstyle or what Artie and Leech have gotten up to lately.

Sometimes Jubilee talks so much it’s like she takes up all the oxygen. Monet used to find it annoying, stifling… but she’s come to think of Jubilee’s nonstop babble as a kind of comforting backdrop. Like elevator music.

“So anyway, I told Angelo—”

“Ooh, hold that thought,” Paige says, throwing out one arm to stop Jubilee in her tracks. Across the street a coffee shop is luring them in with big comfy-looking couches and the faint aroma of cinnamon lattes. “I’d kill for a coffee right about now. You girls in?” Monet’s about to say Hell yeswhen she notices Jubilee shaking her head furiously.

“No, nuh-uh, we don’t need to go there,” she huffs, walking faster, trying to lead them down the sidewalk and away from the café. “Why don’t we just finish shopping and then we can all have hot cocoa at home, huh?”

“No, I kind of want a coffee,” Monet says, looking over her shoulder at the coffee shop. “Let’s just go in.”

“NO,” Jubes says, absolutely adamant. “I, um, I heard that place has bugs. Like, everywhere. They would’ve gotten a D on their health inspection but they bribed the health inspector. Real shady stuff. We could go somewhere else?”

“This place is right here,” Paige argues. She hooks an arm around Jubilee and drags her across the street.

“Yeah, what’s your problem?” Monet huffs, and even though she meant it in an irritated fashion, it still comes out a little meaner than she wanted it to sound. Jubilee is immature and loud and occasionally obnoxious… but she genuinely looks horrified at the prospect of walking into this stupid café. Maybe they should rethink the decision.

Too late, Paige pulls open the door and steps outside. The wave of warmth and the smell of freshly brewed coffee that wafts forward erases any doubts or misgivings from Monet’s mind. The place has a funky, almost retro vibe to it. There’s even a Ms. Pac-Man machine in the back, which should totally be Jubilee’s thing. How is she not all over this place?

Jubilee, instead of looking around the coffee shop, jumps behind Monet like she’s hiding. “Are you serious?” Monet scowls, turning around to glare at Jubilee.

That’s when the guy behind the counter with the yellow-green hair perks up. “Jubes! What’re you doin’ here on your day off?”

“Day off?” Paige asks, whirling around. She’s practically got little cartoon question marks in her eyes.

“H-hey, Kev,” Jubilee says weakly, waving from behind Monet. “Oh, I was just shopping with my friends. This is Paige, and Monet,” she introduces, pointing to them. She looks furious but also trying to keep her cool for the sake of her— coworker? Boss?

“Fun, fun,” Kev says, drumming on the counter with his knuckles. He’s got a tattoo of David Bowie climbing up his left forearm. “What can I get you ladies?”

Paige spares one last confused look at Jubilee and then turns to skim the specials board. “I’ll have the house blend with half-and-half and sugar,” she says, reaching for her wallet.

Monet orders a latte with whipped cream and Jubilee gets a cappuccino. Kev gives them all the employee discount, which only makes Jubilee’s face get even redder. Once they finally sit down, Paige clearly can’t hold it in any longer.

“You work here?”

“Well… in a sense,” Jubilee says, hunching her shoulders in as she blows on her cappuccino. It looks like she’s trying to use the big mug to hide her face.

“What sense would that be?” Monet asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, ya know,” Jubilee sighs, staring into her cappuccino like she’s thinking of drowning herself. “I, um, I make coffee and serve it to people, and in exchange for, like, helping out, the manager pays me money.”

“So you work here.”

“Yeah I guess I could’ve just said that,” she mutters, looking out the window, looking at the floor, looking anywhere but at Paige and Monet. “It’s not a big deal. That’s why I didn’t tell anybody.”

“And that’s why you tried to run away when we suggested coming in here?” Monet asks, crossing her arms. “I don’t get it. So you have a part-time job. Why is that some huge secret?”

Jubilee glowers. “I don’t have a rich father, okay?” she says. “I don’t… I don’t even have a father, or a mother. I don’t have any parents sending me any money, and I don’t have my big brother’s X-Force stipend to support me,” she says, looking in turn at Monet and then Paige. “For me to be able to afford to go out shopping with you guys… I have to work.”

They sit in silence for a moment, the only sound the crackly hum of old John Denver songs over the café stereo system.

Then Paige says, “You didn’t have to hide it from us, Jubes. Heck, I detassel corn over the summers, that’s the only reason I got any money. Most of Sammy’s money goes back home to the kids and Momma.”

“What made you think we’d look down on you for going out and getting a job?” Monet says, her typical air of disdain scraped away in favor of something genuine. It’s so rare to see Jubilee actually act embarrassed about something. She usually takes everything in stride, playing off everything as a joke.

“I guess I just… I dunno,” Jubes sighs. “I’m used to getting shit from the townies about bein’ a mutant. I didn’t wanna get shit from you guys for working here.”

“Are you kidding? Jubilee, jeez, I’m proud of you,” Paige says. “This is great.”

“Yeah,” Monet agrees. “Who knew you could be responsible?”

Jubilee lobs a balled-up napkin at her, and things are less tense after that. They drink their drinks and talk about Banshee’s latest attempts to teach the kids to sew. He keeps trying to tell them that simple life skills like home ec matter just as much as honing their mutant abilities. So far, no one except Everett is really buying it.

Kev the Barista waves to them when they leave, telling Paige and Monet that it was nice to meet them.

And that might have been the end of it, except that Monet shows up at the start of Jubilee’s lunch break during her shift the next day.

“What are you doin’ here?” Jubes asks, slipping her apron on a hook behind the counter.

“I thought you might be hungry,” Monet suggests, and while her words are helpful the tone (and expression) come off as mischievous. “So… I brought you an apple,” she says, holding up a shiny Gala apple.

“Oh, you think you’re a fucking comedian, don’t you?” Jubilee says, but she’s grinning. When Monet was trapped in her Penance body, Jubilee used to bring her apples all the time. And now Monet’s returning the favor. “Gimme that, it might be good to eat somethin’ healthy. All I eat when I’m here is muffins and croissants.”

Monet tosses her the apple and sits in the seat by the window, gesturing for Jubilee to sit with her. “Good to know,” she says. “Next time I’ll bring you a salad or a pot pie or something.”

“Next time?” Jubilee says.

“Of course,” Monet says, and when she leans forward and puts a hand on Jubilee’s knee, Jubes could swear her heart stops for a second. “Unless you’d really rather hang out with townies all day,” she smirks.

Her big brown eyes are regarding Jubes warmly, and her voice is lower than normal, like she completely knows the effect she has on Jubilee. Jubilee ruins the moment by taking a big bite of her apple, munching and crunching.

“Well, thanks,” she says, purposely speaking with her mouth full because she knows it annoys Monet. The other girl is maybe-sort-of-kind-of flirting with her, and Jubes only knows how to flirt back one way: by annoying her.

Monet shows up every day that Jubilee works, bringing her lunch and chatting with her during her breaks. Sometimes she brings a book and hangs out in that seat by the window, ordering chai tea lattes and reading while Jubes takes coffee orders.

One day, Jubilee’s coming out of the restroom after her shift and Kev calls her name. “Your girlfriend’s outside,” he says pleasantly, and Jubilee looks through the window to see Monet standing there in combat boots and a flowy sundress. Perfection.

“She’s not my—” Jubes starts, but then she cuts herself off. Is she? Jubilee doesn’t really know. “Thanks, Kev,” she says, and goes outside to walk home with Monet.

[sadb0ysims]

THE SIMSELF TAG featuring yours truly and her wonderful assistant, antoinette

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? mia and thats all ur getting out of me

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? oh god we have some embarrassing ones but jordan and jords are nicknames of mine and u might be able to guess the other obvious ones dgjhfdj

3. BIRTHDAY? february 25th babey

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? OH uhh princess diaries by meg cabot probably

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? not to sure about those funky alien dudes but ehh yeah i believe in ghosts

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? i’d say michael morpurgo but that’s probably because his books were shoved down my throat at an early age DKJDFGJ if you can have a favourite poet i can answer this: atticus and lang leav

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? radio one probably!!

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? the purple one. like, starburst? purple. wine gum? purple

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? being the millenial i am probably Uh...li...litty

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? OH Hm i’d say ocean eyes by billie eilish

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? Hm!

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO?  copycat by billie eilish!!

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? LIE TO ME IS THE UNDER APPRECIATED SERIES OF THE CENTURY

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? oh uhh i don’t watch films a lot and especially not if i’m feeling?? sad

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? never heard of them

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? OH jesus lets say. being forgotten or making no difference in the world

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? oh Jesus not a lot of these GJFDH over the past mm month or so i’d say i’ve grown a lot as a person in the fact that i have more respect for myself than i used to, and if i have an opinion on something i evaluate it and decide Do People Really Need To Know? (DPRNTK)

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? EASY my weird. defense mechanism thing. i’ve gotten a bit better in my opinion but the reason i’m usually in so much trouble is because as soon as i’m attacked, i act with anger? its some weird defensive wall that i put up and regret later because i’m not really thinking like a rational person. i just see that i’m being attacked and my first thought is to fight back

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? OH cats because i haven’t had one in ages. one of our cats was run over and the other was taken by our neighbours and now he doesn’t even remember us or respond to his name so thats really fun

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? SUMMER because my skin turns olive in the summer and right now. a bitch is pale! also school is so much nicer in the summer... the whole yeargroup feels like much more of a community because we all sit together outside n it’s just overall very fun and makes me nostalgic of year 7

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? bitch u really thought-

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? still in it but. because of a lot of things i was forced to grow up very fast. something i miss is having everyone in the house (my siblings are both a lot older than me so they’re never around) and not having to worry about fitting into certain stereotypes or WASHING MY HAIR!!!!!

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? oh god ok so i have a “best friend” but we don’t. agree on a lot of things and she takes everything i say 100% seriously so even though we’re not close i’d consider this group of boys from my school my best friends. and online ofc i have Many Many good friends which i would name but i dont wanna leave anyone out bc i talk to A Lot of people DGHDFJ

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? blue blue blue

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? blonde babey

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? my brother

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? would say myself but sometimes i’m not even sure i can trust HER

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? i think about people loads because im a lonely romantic so. i’d say Love Interest and i think about myself a whole lot too like who does this bitch think she is

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? all the time i’m looking forward to things bc. not a whole lot happens in my life so if Love Interest looks at me a certain way i’ll look forward to going to school for the next couple weeks FDJGHFDJ

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? i think of the future way too much. she’s a dreamer

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? oh god uhhh i used to cry at in the night garden all the time when it ended bc i hated that iggle piggle sailed away on his boat DJHFD it was probably still my favourite though

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? i had a best friend who moved away after year seven and i feel like i could but. who knows we haven’t seen each other for years

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? sigh i think so like does it count if my tarot deck says not to do something because. i trust those tarot bitches with all my soul if i have one

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? don’t like the dark, i have a fear of holes, can’t sleep without the door open, can’t sleep when i can see in a mirror (fun fact theres a mirror in my room but it’s on a shelf which i can barely see at night like. i can see a glimpse. but knowing it’s there freaks me out so its flipped and has something covering it)

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? oh ummmm in front i guess because 1. i look horrible in photos other people have taken of me 2. technically being in front of it. you can still take selfies and 3. the people i know take pictures from really weird angles

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? we love a bit of vidya games but i love reading poetry because i’m a whore and also i like singing but that doesn’t mean im good at it!

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? UHHH god i really dont read uhh probably lullabies by lang leav

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? romeo and juliet (the blessed one featuring young leo dicaprio)

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? i can play the guitar, the recorder, a bit of the piano

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? GIRAFFES it’s really sad that they’re now endangered. if ur talkin domestic pets i love guinea pigs, cats and (i’ve never had them but rats

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? don’t. this’ll turn into a follow forever and i won’t get any clout bc it’s in such a long post !

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? OH hm. i thought as hard as my tiny brain could about this and i think teleportation would be interesting but if we can choose ANY superpower. is magic one? that’d b pretty wack

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? when i’m walking to school at half 7 in the morning and no one’s there and i can hear the trees lining the field rustling in the wind in the distance. it was rainng this morning and even though my whole ass was exposed from the wind and i was soaking it was really peaceful. also there’s a red kite that’s resident to our school field and i love to stand there in the morning and watch it sometimes

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? feeling included DGJHDJ doesn’t happen a whole lot

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? i play a lot of sports because i’m in school obviously but i’m really good at rugby bc a bitch is Tactical and Nimble. i love hockey and badminton and stuff though

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? i LOVE smoothies and milkshakes and everything ugh. i’d be bold enough to say i love drinks more than i love food. like apple juice orange juice MIXED juice smoothies BROWN BAG MILKSHAKES! BITCH! THE STRAWBERRY ONE IS SO GOOD UGH

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? oh jesus um. 4 years ago

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? fuck yeah brother

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? UGH A LOT OF THINGS like. people biting their nails. people tapping their foot on my chair. people not listening when you’re explaining something THEY needed help with. tapping a pen on a desk or clicking it on and off

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? nop

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? my mother is a vegetarian so i eat a lot of vegetarian meals. sometimes i get really put off meat but like. a bitch is 13 and doesn’t pay for her own meals so she doesn’t really get a say in what she eats

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? always wanted to entertain people and be nationally recognised. take that as u will

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? TOO MANY let’s go... the arcana so i can marry the 1 (one) love of my life dr julian ilyushka devorak... chill in the hanged man’s realm...

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? i don’t worry about a lot not gonna lie to u

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? cheers i’ll drink to that broe

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? if the screeching sound i make to a slight tune counts as singing then. yes

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? not illegally but i’ve had days off sick where i wasn’t sick bc i couldn’t be asked

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? alone

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? somewhere safe

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? yeah i have a dog and a cat but as i said m cat got taken by my neighbours and doesn’t even remember us so sjfhdjg

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? night owl but if i’m rested well enough i love being up early

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? sunsets

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? no a bitch is 13

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? probably headphones bc i can’t lose them and the sound quality is better but i’m not a MONSTER so earphones. also headphones automatically make old people scoff at u and hate u more

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? nah

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? whatever’s poetic enough to be On Brand

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? don’t really have one

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? no

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? the holier than thou attitude Often showcased on simblr by some. familiar faces

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? it doesn’t really make a difference

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? computer science (mainly for the people because right now we’re just making fucking. powerpoints) or english bc of the people again

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? yee a brother and a sister

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? christmas presents and some perfume & a purse for me

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′4

75. CAN YOU COOK? not well

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? attention DFJHGSDJ uhh being kind to people who deserve it and hard work paying off

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? patronization, people who believe their opinion is the only opinion and people who cause minor inconveniences for you for no reason

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? more female probably but i prefer guys

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? i say bisexual but no one’s ever been close enough to let me find out

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? party in the UK

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? kyla rosymiel

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? UHHH i really can’t remember i know me and kyla were talking about something and i started crying JGFHDGJ

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? oh god umm probably smii7y but i also really like all his friends like. kryoz etc

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? when i look good FJDHSJD

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? would say tumblr but she’s gone ! right now i’m really feeling zepeto bc It May Be Tracking Me but it lets me take pics with all my online friends and i have some sort of weird following on there SDFHSDJ

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? i don’t think i’ll ever be able to fully confide in them, i really like my dad but there’s elements of him that don’t really float my boat. same with my mum but i’m less close with her

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? probably australian or. is it swiss? might be swiss.

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? france and ofc america

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 4

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? with like 2 things skdghsd

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? not really but i believe in a higher power of some sort and a life after death. i believe there’s something out there that is listening but i prefer to think it’s the stars

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? i find the ocean really ineresting but man will always romanticise space

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? im a 13 year old white girl how ruthless can i be

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? sesame seeds

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? nop but everyone else in my family can

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? nope

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? whenever i realise

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? forest

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? i lie all the time but i am. SO terrible ASJDFHJ i would love to lie less but it’s so easy to slip into one

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? gryffindor

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? hell yea brother

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? kyla put ambivert so i looked that up and. yeah

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? did when i was younger but i guess tumblr is somewhat of a personal diary

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? depends

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? turn it in most likely

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? “yes, but you should never forget about their past” thanks kyla

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? only monsters aren’t

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? nope

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? i have my ears pierced. WILD i know

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? UGH FUCK DR JULIAN ILYUSHKA DEVORAK!! it’d be illegal for him to marry anyone but me though

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? yep! i have a tattoo on my back. i plan on getting a lot more tattoos in the future, but i don’t want anymore in the near future

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? being outspoken and not. watching things pass by

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? of course

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? nopee

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? oof i really don’t know because of what’s happened to me i don’t know if i could knowing i could never protect them from everything. idk pregnancy seems very nice but once the kid gets annoying thats It for me

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? “i think everyone is smart in their own way” thanks kyla

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? i started laughing once in drama and i pissed myself a lil and i was like ehh thats fine i do that all the time and then i didnt stop pissing and someone was like ‘whats that wet on the floor? they were like mia have u pissed urslef i was like nOSDJF so i had to ask the teacher to leave. u coiuld see the piss down my leg

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? have u SEEN these bags. she’s seen hell 

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOUR CLOTHES? like varying tones of beige and then grey/black

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? of course

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? oh uhhh i feel like maybe when i was younger but i’ve. repressed that memory if i have it

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 13 years young

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? oh jesus something poetic and by atticus probably let’s see

after spending more time searching for a quote than i did on literally this whole tag, i decided on this. and then i realised. it will always be ‘YOU ARE A SAD BOY’

[more--than--music]

2018 Albums of the Year

Here’s my albums of the year. 2018 has been a brilliant year for music, and so I thought I’d lay out my favourite albums, and the reasons why they’re my favourites.

10: Unknown Mortal Orchestra – Sex and Food

Kicking the list off at ten, we have the fourth full-length project from the New Zealand lo-fi psychedelic group Unknown Mortal Orchestra. An album that calls to mind at various points dusty late 70s grooves, 80s synth work and yet very modern production sensibilities, Sex and Food bounces between deeply introspective balladry, and funky danceable beats. A sure step forward for a band that only looks to become more experimental as time goes on.

9: Ben Howard – Noonday Dream

The Devon based singer-songwriter gives a compelling vision of the future of indie-folk with this transient and supremely accomplished set of songs. Taking a further stride away from the straightforward acoustic sound of 2011’s Every Kingdom, Noonday Dream shows an artist unafraid to utilise aspects of electronic and ambient music into his soundscapes, resulting in a transcendent, elegant, and above all beautiful set of tracks. The opening duo of Nica Libres At Dusk and Towing The Line are a particular high point.

8: Thom Yorke – Suspiria (Music for the Luca Guadagnino Film)

Surprisingly his first ever venture into soundtrack work, Thom Yorke’s masterful score for the Luca Guadagnino film of the same name could be in this list simply on the strength of its lead track; Suspirium is an otherworldly waltz, a spartan piano line presided over by Thom’s instantly recognisable vocals. But it is the deeper cuts for which this album earns its place; Open Again begins with a fingerpicked guitar progression that grows into a monolithic walk to the gallows and then fades out once more. A master at the height of his powers.

7: Sports Team – Winter Nets

Undoubtedly the least well-known name on this list, the debut EP from the London-based indie-pop outfit Sports Team has been one of my most played records yet this year. A cerebral mix of Jarvis Cocker-style lyricism preoccupied with the minutiae of suburban life, and pitch perfect indie rock arrangements teetering on the edge of chaos, this shows talent beyond their years; the only EP on this list, these five tracks managed to catch my attention early on, and have stayed with me through the year. Ones to watch.

6: MGMT – Little Dark Age

A name I would not have expected to see on this list at the start of the year, the comeback from the early 2000s electro-pop group is unexpectedly brilliant. Far from the runaway chart success of singles such as Electric Feel, Little Dark Age is full of tracks that could have been pulled from the dusty archives of pretty much any 80s synth bands, but combined with so many left-field production choices, and lyrics that belie a dark sensibility beneath the bright instrumentation, this album becomes a very mature release indeed. The single, Little Dark Age, is just magic. I can’t wait to see what comes next.

5: Car Seat Headrest – Twin Fantasy

Bringing us into the second half of this list is Will Toledo’s project Car Seat Headrest, with a rerecorded, remastered version of his 2011 breakout album Twin Fantasy. Toledo’s DIY ethos calls to mind contemporary Kevin Parker, of Tame Impala, although the two go about their self-imposed individualism rather differently. Toledo’s recordings retain the lo-fi teen emotion of the original Twin Fantasy, while adding the production sensibilities of Toledo’s later Car Seat Headrest ventures, resulting in such a dizzying barrage of pitch perfect indie ballads that display mature, incisive and insightful lyricism. The peaks of the album slip off the rails in the most glorious way, and culminate in simple, honest, and resounding emotional resolutions. Few albums so perfectly capture the teenage experience... a brilliant achievement.

4: Father John Misty – God’s Favorite Customer

It will come to no surprise to those of you who know me that Josh Tillman has made his way into this list; I have been following Father John Misty since last year’s existential crisis of an album, Pure Comedy. But God’s Favorite Customer is an entirely different beast- aside from the single, Mr Tillman, the typical luscious arrangements of a usual Father John Misty album are conspicuously missing here. Gone are the chamber pop orchestras and parlour ballads; here is FJM with an acoustic guitar, a month’s stay in a hotel room, and some utterly shattering songwriting. Tillman has abandoned his lofty perch overseeing the human condition in favour of personal, painful lyrics that dissect a failing relationship in real time. Many of these songs are addressed to, or from the perspective of, Josh’s wife, Emma, and the narratives are as autobiographical as ever. But the key here is that Tillman has ceased to be just an observer of the phenomena he comments on; in God’s Favorite Customer he has no choice but to experience them from the inside, and it makes for devastating listening in places. However, Misty has not abandoned all hope; closer We're Only People (And There's Not Much Anyone Can Do About That) ends the album with a remarkably beautiful and optimistic look at humanity, and leaves you ready to emerge from the hotel room, blinking against the sunlight, into the outside world.

3: Blood Orange – Negro Swan

London born producer, multi-instrumentalist, and general prodigy Devont Hynes, has outdone himself on his fourth project under the moniker Blood Orange; Negro Swan represents exactly the kind of progressive song writing Hynes is so sought after in the pop world for, and brings together a beautiful collage of sounds and textures to produce an album that is so of the moment, it feels like a time capsule of today. Swan embraces diversity, revelling in a celebration of sexuality and identity that feels almost carnival-like in its embrace of so many aspects of modern R&B and Hip-Hop. On what other album can you find Puff Daddy monologuing about his own fear of being loved? This whole project is filled with moments such as this, with trans black activist Janet Mock providing a loose narrative thread tying the album together. But for me, the true highlight of this album is Hynes himself; a young black artist showcasing a striking talent that simply refuses to obey the laws of genre or society. The musical prowess on show is undeniable; in particular, Hynes’ guitar work is so accomplished, tracks such as Charcoal Baby are sheer joy to listen to because of it. The vocals on this record are equally impressive; comparisons will undoubtedly be drawn to Prince, although personally I see Hynes as akin to Frank Ocean, both showcasing a new vision for R&B in the 21st century, and Swan feels in many ways a sibling to Ocean’s 2016 album Blonde, in its transient nature and almost soundscape-like mixture of sounds and feelings. Negro Swan is a glorious celebration in which all expression is embraced, and no identity is off-limits. This is what all modern R&B should aspire to.

2: Arctic Monkeys – Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino

Those monkeys, eh? Four years after their last studio effort, with each member having done something entirely different (and accomplished, see Alex Turner with The Last Shadow Puppets, and Matt Helders on the latest Iggy Pop record) with their sabbatical, no one quite knew what shape their return would take. Recorded in London, Paris and Los Angeles, the sixth album from the band synonymous with early 00s indie could have taken quite a number of directions; furthering the slick arena rock of AM, delving deeper into the baroque pop offering the Last Shadow Puppets pursue, or perhaps even a return to their raucous indie rock roots. Naturally, they did none of the above. The first sign of their step in a different direction was a video they posted in mid-April, announcing a return with an eerie synth line and a fuzzy guitar lick; in hindsight it was the perfect segue into the TBH&C era, both a nod to the leather-clad rock of AM, and yet the space-age synths and fictional space resorts of Tranquility Base. And when the album did come? Oh boy. I’m not sure a release in 2018 divided fans quite like the Monkeys’ did. I’ve heard it variously described as “sheer genius”, “derivative retro nothing” and “f*cking lift music”. It really was that polarising. I’m sure that from its spot on this list you can guess which camp I fall into. From the go, the surreal lyricism of Alex Turner is front and centre, and the record is all the better for it. From surreal references to Kubrick film techniques, and obsession with sci-fi jargon, to ridiculous pastiches of Hollywood clichés, critics weren’t short of liner notes to unpick. But the key for me was the way that the album, as all great sci-fi does, comments on modern life through the lens of futurism, while also keeping you scratching your head the whole time. Furthermore, the actual songwriting is as good as ever, with Turner making a tune about a less than perfect review for a taquiera on the moon into the rhythmic centrepiece of the album. I do have to confess, I am slightly biased; I’m a lifelong AM fan, and I did see this performed live, which only deepened my admiration of it but truthfully- listen to this album. Then listen some more. And then some more again. Because when it clicks, you won’t experience anything else even remotely like it all year.

Bonus Round

These are albums that I discovered in 2018, but weren’t released this year… they deserved recognition along with the rest of these projects.

5: Frank Ocean – Endless

Frank Ocean is one of, if not the, best and most innovative artists working in modern R&B. That much is undisputed. But until 2018, despite being a huge Frank Ocean fan, I had neglected his 2016 visual album, Endless. Perhaps this was due to laziness, not having Apple Music, or perhaps it was because for me it was vastly overshadowed by the release of the seminal Blonde a few days later. Or maybe I simply thought a visual album wasn’t worth my time. Whatever the reason, I was a fool to overlook it. Endless is an ethereal journey through Ocean’s psyche, with a vast soundscape of beautiful, flowing synths and guitars. Furthermore, Endless features some of Ocean’s best rap work since Channel Orange. A truly beautiful project, and Higgs is, for me, Ocean’s most devastatingly sad track… further evidence that Frank doesn’t put a foot wrong.

4: Leonard Cohen: Songs Of Leonard Cohen

In 2016, the music world lost one of its most treasured talents, in the form of Leonard Cohen. However, although I have always been aware of Cohen’s work (Hallelujah, his inspiration of Nick Cave, The Last Shadow Puppets’ Is This What You Wanted cover), I had never taken the time to sit down and immerse myself in his work. Well, I was very much missing out. His cinematic, confessional storytelling, and his instantly recognisable voice and manner, mean that his songs are almost exactly the type of ballads I love, and Songs is his finest work. From start to end, you see the world through Cohen’s eyes. A poet.

3: King Krule: The OOZ

King Krule (real name: Archy Marshall) is a divisive artist; many see him as a visionary, however he is also, to many (including my dad) just “the one with the awful voice”. To me, Krule is a fantastic lyricist and producer, with an instantly recognisable sound. From the moment you enter The OOZ, you are in Marshall’s world, a London of grimy concrete and eerie loneliness. However, there are moments of beauty among the sluggish, smog-filled music; Slush Puppy, despite descending into madness near the end, is a really quite endearingly desperate performance. Cadet Limbo also shows off Krule’s more jazzy influences, and is all the better for it. A view into the future of singer-songwriting.

2: Father John Misty: I Love You, Honeybear

Josh Tillman has already featured on this list once, and it’s no secret I think he’s one of the best artists working today. However, until this year, I had never given his 2015 romantic opus, Honeybear, a proper listen. I was turned on to Misty by his 2017 work Pure Comedy, and after an existentialist view on all of Humanity, a romance album seemed like a step back, so I didn’t give it the time it deserved. How wrong I was. Honeybear is a beautiful, tender, and being an FJM record, deeply satirical and funny, look at love, relationships, and society. It features lush, beautiful arrangements, and gorgeous melodies, all delivered with Misty’s characteristic tongue-in-cheek smirk. Not one track on the album is dead space, and there are several high points, right from the start. Favourite for me is I Went To The Store One Day, which is a simple, yet incredibly beautiful and moving ballad to close the album. Stunning stuff indeed.

1: Everything Everything – A Fever Dream

I’ve known of Everything Everything for quite a while now, but in early 2017 I was gifted tickets to see them on their A Fever Dream tour, and it absolutely blew my mind. EE have crafted brilliant electronic indie music in the past, with catchy melodies and odd, skittering rhythms. However, A Fever Dream builds on this in the best possible way, building on their electronic sound and adding an even more fiercely of-the-moment view on songwriting. One of the highlights for me was Jonathan Higgs’ vocals, which electrified the music with a fierce intellect, and sparkling melodies. An ecstatic blend of so many musical styles, which results in a fantastic album. A masterpiece for today.

Okay, finally the main event. My album of the year 2018 is…

1: IDLES – Joy as an Act of Resistance.

Here we are then. Number one spot. And again, if you know me, you know there could never really have been any other album here. I first discovered IDLES earlier in the year, riding off the success of their breakout debut album Brutalism, an unstoppable punk locomotive of an album, with guitar and bass lines that are so, well, brutal, that they break down the door and hold you at gunpoint until you sit up and pay attention. This band is the perfect voice for austerity Britain, more mature than Slaves, more relevant than Sleaford Mods, and yet they walk an incredibly fine line. It’s almost impossible to define until you hear a band that possess it, but they simply make. So. Much. Sense. Joe Talbot talks with such a fiery intensity that it’s impossible not to listen, and an eloquence that is so often missing from punk. He’s so likeable, and oddly enough for punk, easy to listen to. However, don’t mistake that for the album lacking brutal riffs. Because it has those in spades. From the opening bass rumble of Colossus, JAAAOR picks you up by the scruff off your neck, and doesn’t put you down until the last manic notes of Rottweiler fade away. This is a rock record that defies rock, a punk record that doesn’t define itself as punk, and a political statement that bases its politics on the phrase “Love yourself.” This provides an infectious alternative to the toxic masculinity of so much mainstream rock, and a uniquely vulnerable take on an incredible variety of issues. Beginning with an immediate left-footing with Colossus, the album the catches its witty and caustic stride with Never Fight A Man With A Perm, going from strength to strength the whole time. I’ve never quite identified with a track lyrically as much as I’m Scum, a rallying call for liberals everywhere: “I'll sing at fascists 'til my head comes off, I am Dennis Skinner's Molotov / I'm lefty, I'm soft, I'm minimum wage job”and erupting into the chant of “this snowflake’s an avalanche”. It goes on to postulate about not caring about the next James Bond, as “we don’t need another murderous toff”. The next track is the joyous Danny Nedelko, an ode to Talbot’s friend, and frontman of Heavy Lungs, Danny Nedelko. It’s a quite magnificent celebration of immigration and diversity, and embodies the sentiment of the album as a whole quite simply with a roar of “Unity!”. Potent stuff. The next highlight (or rather lowlight) for me is the one-two punch of June and Samaritans. June is a singularly moving ode to Talbot’s stillborn daughter, building all the time to a non-existent crescendo, and repeating the six-word mantra “Baby shoes, for sale. Never worn.” Incredibly painful, raw and poignant; you feel as if you’re witnessing a moment that you really shouldn’t be, a would-be father grieving at the bedside. It then transitions into Samaritans, an anti-toxic masculinity manifesto, furious in its denial of male stereotypes: “Man up, sit down, chin up, pipe down”, and building relentlessly to sheer ecstasy of the decree: “I kissed a boy and I liked it”. Powerful, powerful stuff. Track eight, Television, is pinned down by a juddering riff complimented by the incredibly able drumming of Jon Beavis (a very much unsung hero of the group), and a wonderful self-love mantra. Moving on, Great is an anti-Brexit track than manages to reveal the hypocrisy of nationalism without ever moving into preachy politicism, which is Talbot’s greatest strength; he can make any point sound like the simplest and most honest declaration ever. Gram Rock and Cry To Me are witty, and the least overtly political tracks of the album; but even these apparent low points aren’t by any means stale, quite the opposite. Every moment of this record fizzes with energy. Finally, Joy rounds off with the magnificent Rottweiler, a searing discrediting of the UK media, ending in the wheels coming off as the tension built throughout the 42 minutes comes to a chaotic end, with Joe yelping “Unity!”over and over. I have one final thing to say about Joy; it’s production is pristine throughout, with clarity in even its most chaotic moments. This is my record of the year, because I feel no other record held my attention so completely, and was so representative of the sentiment of this year. Pure joy.

Well then, thanks for sticking with me. 2018’s been a belter of a year for music, and I can’t wait to see what 2019 brings.