#Also I see nothing about wasps on here

[dyke-pollinator]

Perhaps some day I will understand where all the wires came from. 

barkstreeg farnacle????

[headspace-hotel]

Nature is healing.

I burned the Meadow a couple weeks ago. At first it looked like nothing but charred ashes and dirt, with a few scorched green patches, and I was afraid I'd done something terrible. But then the sprouts emerged. Tender new leaves swarming the soil.

My brother and I were outside after dark the other day, to see if any lightning bugs would emerge yet. We had been working on digging the pond. That old soggy spot in the middle of the yard that we called "poor drainage," that always splattered mud over our legs when we ran across it as children—it isn't a failed lawn, and it never was.

Oh, we tried to fill in the mud puddles, even rented heavy machinery and graded the whole thing out, but the little wetland still remembered. God bless those indomitable puddles and wetlands and weeds, that in spite of our efforts to flatten out the differences that make each square meter of land unique from another, still declare themselves over and over to be what they are.

So we've been digging a hole. A wide, shallow hole, with an island in the middle.

And steadily, I've been transplanting in vegetation. At school there is a soggy field that sadly is mowed like any old field. The only pools where a frog could lay eggs are tire ruts. From this field I dig up big clumps of rushes and sedges, and nobody pays me any mind when I smuggle them home.

I pulled a little stick of shrubby willow from some cracked pavement near a creek, and planted it nearby. From a ditch on the side of the road beside a corn field, I dug up cattail rhizomes. Everywhere, tiny bits of wilderness, holding on.

I gathered up rotting logs small enough to carry and made a log pile beside the pond. At another corner is a rock pile. I planted some old branches upright in the ground to make a good place for birds and dragonflies to perch.

And there are so many birds! Mourning doves, robins, cardinals and grackles come here in much bigger numbers, and many, many finches and sparrows. I always hear woodpeckers, even a Pileated Woodpecker here and there. A pair of bluebirds lives here. There are three tree swallows, a barn swallow also, tons of chickadees, and there's always six or seven blue jays screaming and making a commotion. And the goldfinches! Yesterday I watched three brilliant yellow males frolic among the tall dandelions. They would hover above the grass and then drop down. One landed on a dandelion stem and it flopped over. There are several bright orange birds too. I think a couple of them are orioles, but there's definitely also a Summer Tanager. There's a pair of Canada Geese that always fly by overhead around the same time in the evening. It's like their daily commute.

The other day, as I watched, I saw a Cooper's Hawk swoop down and carry off a robin. This was horrifying news for the robin individually, but great news for the ecosystem. The food chain can support more links now.

There are two garter snakes instead of one, both of them fat from being good at snaking. I wonder if there will be babies?

But the biggest change this year is the bugs. It's too early for the lightning bugs, but all the same the yard is full of life.

It's like remembering something I didn't know I forgot. Oh. This is how it's supposed to be. I can't glance in any direction without seeing the movement of bugs. Fat crickets and earwigs scuttle underneath my rock piles, wasps flit about and visit the pond's shore, an unbelievable variety of flies and bees visit the flowers, millipedes and centipedes hide under the logs. Butterflies, moths, and beetles big and small are everywhere.

I can't even describe it in terms of individual encounters; they're just everywhere, hopping and fluttering away with every step. There are so many kinds of ants. I sometimes stare really closely at the ground to watch the activities of the ants. Sometimes they are in long lines, with two lanes of ants going back and forth, touching antennae whenever two ants traveling in opposite directions meet. Sometimes I see ants fighting each other, as though ant war is happening. Sometimes the ants are carrying the curled-up bodies of dead ants—their fallen comrades?

My neighbor gave me all of their fallen leaves (twelve bags!) and it turns out that piling leaves on top of a rock and log pile in a wet area summons an unbelievable amount of snails.

I always heard of snails as pests, but I have learned better. Snails move calcium through the food chain. Birds eat snails and use the calcium in their shells to make egg shells. In this way, snails lead to baby birds. I never would have known this if I hadn't set out to learn about snails.

In the golden hour of evening, bugs drift across the sky like golden motes of dust, whirling and dancing together in the grand dramas of their tiny lives. I think about how complicated their worlds are. After interacting with bees and wasps so much for so long, I'm amazed by how intelligent and polite they are. Bumble bees will hover in front of me, swaying side to side, or circle slowly around me several times, clearly perceiving some kind of information...but what? It seems like bees and wasps can figure out if you are a threat, or if you are peaceful, and act accordingly.

I came to a realization about wasps: when they dart at your head so you hear them buzzing close by your ears, they're announcing their presence. The proper response is to freeze and duck down a bit. It seems like wasps can recognize if you're being polite; for what it's worth, I've never been stung by a wasp.

As night falls, bats emerge and start looping and darting around in the sky above. If the yard seems full of bugs in the day, it is nothing compared to the night.

I'm aware that what I'm about to describe, to an entomophobe, sounds like a horror movie: when i walk to the back yard, the trees are audibly crackling and whirring with the activity of insects. Beetles hover among the branches of the trees. When we look up at the sky, moths of all sizes are flying hither and thither across it. A large, very striking white moth flies past low to the ground.

Last year, seeing a moth against the darkening sky was only occasional. Now there's so many of them.

I consider it in my mind:

When roads and houses are built and land is turned over to various human uses, potentially hundreds of native plant species are extirpated from that small area. But all of the Eastern USA has been heavily altered and destroyed.

Some plants come back easily, like wild blackberry, daisy fleabane, and common violets. But many of them do not. Some plants need fire to sprout, some need Bison or large birds to spread them, some need humans to harvest and care for them, some live in habitats that are frequently treated with contempt, some cannot bear to be grazed by cattle, some are suffocated beneath invasive Tall Fescue, Kentucky bluegrass, honeysuckle or Bradford pears, and some don't like being mowed or bushhogged.

Look at the landscape...hundreds and hundreds of acres of suburbs, pastures, corn fields, pavement, mowed verges and edges of roads.

Yes, you see milkweed now and then, a few plants on the edge of the road, but when you consider the total area of space covered by milkweed, it is so little it is nearly negligible. Imagine how many milkweed plants could grow in a single acre that was caretaken for their prosperity—enough to equal fifty roadsides put together!

Then I consider how many bugs are specialists, that can only feed upon a particular plant. Every kind of plant has its own bugs. When plant diversity is replaced by Plant Sameness, the bug population decreases dramatically.

Plant sameness has taken over the world, and the insect apocalypse is a result.

But in this one small spot, nature is healing...

[maxwellatoms]

And a good executive dysfunction to you!

My stomach hurts.

I don't want to draw right now, but I really do want to draw in general. Just not now. Maybe... now?

No. Not yet.

There's a wasp's nest on the catio. I should be looking up how to remove it, but instead I'm in here writing this nonsense. I should be drawing.

It still smells like burning metal in here, so I probably am better off with the wasps. Did I mention that my bathroom caught fire this morning? Like an actual fire fire. I may have buried the lede on that one. I used to think it was "buried the lead", as though you'd skipped the information you meant to lead with. Fun that it still works.

Fire dept. said that there was a timer on the wall switch in the bathroom where we're having work done from the flood that happened after my birthday. When the timer tripped, a heating mesh coiled up by the wall caught fire. Thankfully, my fiancee' smelled the burning metal and we caught it early.

It's hard to make cartoons when your house keeps attacking you. Also, when you're not employed making cartoons. I'm trying some indie stuff, but again... can I get a break here? Let's just tone down the apocalypse. I'd like to get some stuff done. And my insurance runs out in two weeks.

But HA! Fincee'! So I still get insurance. Happy accidents. Suck it, world-- Oh hang on. Contractor is here...

I'm back! Where was I?

My fuchsia is on the rebound, I think. Passed it on the way back in. I don't want to call it a comeback, but it's flowering. I think maybe the pot retains too much water. We'll see how it goes. Thankfully it doesn't need much compost because I blew through the whole pile yesterday refiling the garden beds. I did the beds Hügelkultur style, but I used cacti in one of them, so the soil drop was insane after the first year. Free garden tip for ya' there.

Where was I?

To be fair, there's a lot of residual adrenaline going on this morning too.

Work.

Right...

Gotta get these drawings done. I said I'd do it by tomorrow. I only said it to myself, but I should maybe listen. Can I be trusted?

Just draw, dude.

It smells like cheese and apocalypse in here. Nothing I can do about the fried metal, but the cheese is from the toaster oven. I should go clean that now. Hang on. I'll be back.

[obsessivevoidkitten]

Building a Hornet’s Nest

Male Wasp Hybrid Harem x Feminized Male Reader (CW: Noncon, musk, pheromones, bukkake, gangbang, double penetration, wasp men, oviposition, feminized male reader, drug-like cum, wasp transformation, DNA manipulation, general yandere behavior) Word Count: 3.7k (Sorry that this took so long. Sorry that this is so weird. I hope some people can find the degeneracy within themselves to enjoy it.) 

When your distant uncle had passed away and left you a property you were surprised to say the least. You were more surprised to learn that it was on Arcadia and that your uncle had never lived long enough to go and see it as he had been ill for some time before his passing and he was not particularly old either. Years ago, unknown to most of the family, he had procured a modest plot of land on Arcadia, a distant planet on the fringes of known space. A true modern day frontier. It was known for its mega-flora. With flowers that grew to the size of trees in some cases. It was also known for its giant docile bees. They were just like bees on Earth except much much larger and they were stingless, it was very easy to domesticate them and now people used them on Arcadia to develop many rare and exotic honey types from the strange alien flowers. Your uncle had wanted to be a beekeeper, he was apparently going to invite you on the venture with him seeing as how you were both into farming and working the land and you had helped him with his beekeeping when you were younger, but he never recovered from his illness so you did not find out until his death. With only a bit of hesitance you decided to pursue your uncle’s dream. When you first got to Arcadia you were in awe by how tranquil and picturesque it was, the pictures and videos that you had seen certainly did it no justice. Unlike Earth most of the foliage was various shades of red, orange, and yellow. Giant blooms of every shape and color imaginable were everywhere, with the exception of the clearing that a small settlement had been built in. Despite being here for a few decades it was still very much a quaint little frontier town, pleasant enough people, offering just the bare essential services. Then there was your new plot of land a few miles from town. It was… run down… to say the least. But you made due, you had sold everything of significant value that you had owned back on Earth and were fully committing to this new venture. And, after a few months, your efforts finally paid off. A giant mansion sized barn for your future bees was built and your house was repaired. All that was left to do was wait for your shipment of buzzy friends to arrive. Well they wouldn’t be so busy when they arrived, as they would still be pupa, but within a week or two the pupa would be finished developing into full sized giant docile bees, they would accept the barn as their home and set up shop. The day came when your shipment finally landed and you were so thrilled, they came off the hover truck and you hurried them into their new home, carefully placing them horizontally into cells in the walls and capping them. In truth you had been more than a bit worried, you were running perilously low on funds and had to go with a discount bee supplier that seemed just a slight bit unreliable. But it seemed you had worried for nothing, here were your bee pupa, nice and healthy. Though they did seem to be a slightly different shape than they looked from the advertisements and videos, you were sure that nothing was wrong. You could barely contain your excitement, you had heard that these bees easily imprint on their humans and are very loving, soon they would establish a hive and your goals would be obtained. It would be slow at first, as you only had enough to get three pupa, but you would get there eventually. You couldn’t stop yourself from checking the barn every few hours. 9 or 10 times each and every single day. The wait was torture. But finally, after about 12 days, you heard buzzing coming from the barn when you stepped out of your house in the morning, you practically tripped over yourself running back inside to grab the collars for them and then dashed back outside and across the field of flowers you had started to grow for them. You opened the door to the barn and… it was NOT what you were expecting. The three pupa were no longer in the cells you had packed them so lovingly into, but they sure as hell were not bees either. Instead, standing before you were three wasp-men. You knew what these were, genetically engineered human-wasp hybrids, that typically had smaller genetic contributions from several ant and bee species as well, that were typically used in highly regulated projects or otherwise extremely shady sources of labor on the very unregulated frontier planets. The question was how did you get them? Did someone’s order get mixed with yours? With how much energy and enthusiasm you opened the door with, they were all now intently staring at you, and to say that they were intimidating would have been an understatement. They all looked fairly similar to one another, red and yellow plates of chitinous exoskeletons covered their feet, arms, legs, chests, and backs. The only thing lacking the exoskeletons were their faces, abs, asses, and crotches. Which were very much exposed, showing off scarily long cocks and heavy balls. They had red bug-like eyes, they had fangs but otherwise regular mouths, but they sat between a set of wicked looking mandibles. Antenna twitched on their heads, sticking out from long blood red hair. Each had a set of large wings folded behind them. Their antennas twitched in your direction as they also sniffed the air curiously. Uh-oh. They were from a shady source so who knows how unpredictably they could act towards you, so you wisely decided to make a hasty retreat, but they quickly flew over to you and pulled you back deeper into the building. “Where’s the rush?” one of them inquired in a slightly buzzing but deep voice, “Me and my friends just woke up here and need some answers.” “Uh-uh okay, sure, what do you want to know?” The one speaking put his arm roughly around your waist and pulled you closer to him. “Well, we are looking for the person meant to be our queen, do you know where they are? Your scent is the only one here. Did you put us in the wall compartments?” “There isn’t any queen, but y-yeah I was the one who bought your pupa and put them in there.” He took a moment to feel you over with his antenna, it probably would have tickled had you not been scared shitless. “Sooo… you’re the queen? Or are you under someone??” “There isn't one! And I own this land and made this building for bees…” One of the other two wasp men chimed in at this. “Ha! Bees? Those weak passive ones that have no human in em and are about as smart as a pet dog? You’re lucky you got us instead, we are far superior!” The one holding you now much too tightly replied while flexing his free arm,”He’s right, we are much better. You really lucked out little queen~ We can keep you much safer.” He licked up your neck with a long narrow tongue making you shiver. “I told you, there isn’t a queen!” You were beginning to grow annoyed with the cyclic nature of this conversation. “You bought us? You own this territory? You put us in cells so we could grow?” “W-well yeah but… I’m n-not-” “You’re our queen then~ Don’t be scared we’ll keep you all safe from the big scary world! You’re far too weak and squishy to just be left alone.” “Ha! Yeah, just a pathetic squishy little human,” the third one that had been silent up until now chuckled as he poked you hard in the stomach. The one holding you grinded gently into your ass, his cock fully erect and prodding your cheeks. “This ass is soft too~ Bet it feels great inside, doesn’t it little queen?” “S-stop, please, I’m not a w-woman!” “Awe, our queen is a bit dumb too~ Good thing we came along to take care of you. It doesn’t matter if you don’t think you’re our queen yet, we’ll rape you full of our eggs. You’ll look so lovely full of our spawn~” As he said all of this he began to gently rub his hand against your crotch and the other two hybrid men stepped closer. Between the unwanted touching and the mention of the word rape you decided it may be worth the risk to try and escape anyway, but your struggles didn’t last long. The man holding you shook you a bit violently until you were unsteady and still and then held the top of his wrist to your neck. A long thick black needle protruded from his wrist and was pointed at you threateningly. You turned away, trying to put as much space between your neck and the sinister looking needle as possible. “Maybe you aren’t too dumb, you know what this does don’t you my queen? It’ll hurt terribly before paralyzing you and allowing us to play with you at our leisure and make you fulfill your royal duty~” You let out a pathetic whimper in response. “Oh, don’t worry, I don’t want to use it. How can you squirm around my dick if I did? So just relax and let this happen the easier, more fun way, okay?” He nibbled on your earlobe and you went completely limp in his grasp, signaling that you wouldn’t put up anymore of a fight. “Heh heh, excellent choice, my queen~” The other two wasps chuckled cruelly as well as one pulled your shirt off and the other wasted no time in unburdening you of your pants and boxers. They stared at you hungrily. Your nudity only fueled your fear and you had to stifle your instinct to flail, thrash, punch, and run. But doing so would surely make things much worse for you, better to just let them have their way and get it over with and hope you could sneak out after maybe when they were sleeping or otherwise distracted. You could feel the cock of the hybrid behind you gently rubbing against your hole as he licked and bit at your neck. He bent down behind you and spread your cheeks, making you shudder as an inhumanly long tongue prodded your hole before sliding in deep, stretching you out gently as it probed and making you twitch and grow hard as it found and focused on your prostate. The genetics for their tongues definitely came from long tongued bees. The wasp man behind you got up and resumed pressing his cock into your hole. “Just getting you good and ready queen~” He whispered softly into your ear. His large cock mercifully massaged copious amounts of thick precum into you to prep you for breeding. At least the entry wouldn’t be unstretched or dry, because that’s not something you would have put past them. The other two wasps were busy rubbing their hands all over your body, rubbing your belly, groping your ass cheeks, stroking your face with surprising tenderness, and contrasting that with rough greedy groping of your soft thighs and tugging at your hair. As the one behind you slipped inside your well lubed ass a second wasp enveloped your hard cock entirely within its mouth while the third kissed you passionately, its tongue fervently exploring every inch of your mouth. You couldn’t even yell in pleasure or protest the pain of having your ass invaded by a large inhuman cock as the long thin went down your throat, making you gag a bit. Finally respecting your need to breathe, the wasp removed itself from your face and began biting your sensitive neck, adding to the complete overly stimulating waves of sensation already being caused by having your dick enveloped by a hot mouth and your prostate gently kissed by the rhythmic thrusts of the other two insectoid men. The one attending your cock took his free hand to massage your balls and that led you to possibly the quickest orgasm of your life. In any other situation you would have been totally humiliated, but you were long past having any dignity today. The one behind you did not relent in his fucking of you, but instead picked up the pace a bit as he felt your body shudder, the one sucking you off hungrily swallowed your load before licking his lips and getting up. “My, you were really pent up my queen, and you produce such sweet honey for me!” He pressed his lips to yours, letting the taste of your own cum permeate your mouth. Between the kiss and the constant pounding of your ass you whimpered as you were already hard again, the wasp that had previously had its tongue down your throat now replacing the one that swallowed your cum at your cock, kissing the sensitive organ before licking it and sucking your recently emptied nuts. You whimpered as they continued to manhandle your sensitive body. The one pumping into your tight hole finally slamming in hard and cumming forcefully, depositing something round and hard into you as he did, making you flinch a bit in surprise as you remembered that they reproduced via eggs, it did not really hurt, but you felt a tingling inside where the waspoid cum touched you. The cock inside you lingered a while as it filled you but once it slid out and away from you your ass’ rest was short lived. One of the wasps laid with his back on the ground and with his cock pointing up, the other two bringing you over to him and forcing you to lower yourself onto his eager, drooling, prick. Your well stretched hole slid on him easily and he gripped you tight and forced you up and down on his length. That special spot inside you was rubbed once more, making you shudder in unwilling pleasure, your body completely betraying you. The pace was slow enough for you, and surprisingly he seemed unwilling to seriously injure his “queen”. As you were finally getting used to the motions one of the other wasps, the one that had already filled your ass, came up behind and slid his cock back inside you with his friend’s so that you were now being plowed in tandem by the both of them. As you gasped from the sudden extra intrusion abusing your insides the third wasp took advantage of your open mouth and wasted no time in putting his dick in your open mouth. You could taste his precum, oddly enough it had just a slight soothing effect and you noticed it tasted of honey. Filled to the brim with cock, you started to get a bit more relaxed as time went on, not overly so. You were still very unwilling and any pleasure was purely physical, incidental, and frustrating, but whatever was in the honey like fluid dripping from his cock was definitely making you a bit less stiff and just a tad bit less defiant. While this was happening you thought you could remember hearing something about this, that modified wasp and bee species made substances that could calm down their queens when distressed, both in fluids and via pheromones. And now that you thought about it the musk that hung heavily in the air was strangely comforting, it was like the more of the precum that dripped down your throat the more you were affected by the smell that these men were giving off. Not nearly enough to really lose yourself though, it was far more subtle than that. It was also probably why you did not feel too much pain anymore despite two dicks pistoning your ass, as one cock thrust forward the other pulled back. All the while the one occupying your mouth was happily pumping away, content with enjoying the wet warmth of your mouth as he fed you more pre. Between all the sensations overtaking your body, the cocks sliding in and out of you, the pheromones and relaxing fluid, and the hands roaming over your sides, face, and thighs, you couldn’t help but blow another load, right on the wasp that was below you. “See? It feels good to be our queen, doesn’t it,” he asked with a mocking chuckle knowing full well it was just your body’s response and it didn’t mean you were enjoying your predicament. After several minutes the one making you suck him pulled out and moaned as he came all over your face, covering you in warm slippery fluid. There were no eggs in this ejaculation, he was certainly saving all of those to be deposited deep inside you to go along with his friend’s. Your skin tingled a bit where the cum touched you and you began to feel just a bit dizzy as your inhibitions slowly lowered just a bit and you became even more relaxed. The cum was much more potent than just the precum and the load up your ass was gradually affecting you as well. Musk permeating the air was much thicker than it had been, or maybe you just noticed it more now, but it was making you drool a bit and you couldn’t help but bounce back a bit against the dicks in your suddenly hungry hole. “I feel really weird… can we stop now…” You stifled a cry, something wasn’t right, you were much more sensitive than normal to everything and you were having difficulty thinking clearly. The wasps all smirked as they ignored you, knowing that their fluid was slowly turning you into a weak little queen they could worship and fill with egg after egg. It was slowly changing your very DNA, making you receptive to hybrid pheromones, making you crave them. The one that had previously unloaded in you pulled out and came all over your back. Moments later the one below you working you on his shaft like some kind of living sex toy slammed you down to the base of his cock and filled you deeply with even more eggs and semen, causing you to spasm and moan weakly with a dry orgasm of your own. “Fuck! You’re a great incubator!” While you were panting and trying to recover the wasp previously abusing your mouth unceremoniously pulled you off the cock you were on and gripped you tight from behind, his erection easily sliding in your cum leaking entrance. “Not done yet, being queen is very busy work, you have to take my eggs too~” “P-please no more, I-I feel funny,” you pleaded desperately as your head was swimming with mixed signals. You knew you didn’t want this but you were so light headed you could barely think, and now these wasp men smelled so alluring, and wouldn’t having more eggs in you feel so nice? “I-I n-need to s-stop…” You felt an instinctual need to keep letting them fill you up, but at the same time you were burning up and truly felt feeble and sick. “Shhh, shhh, just relax, okay? You have been such a good mate for us so far~” He licked a long stripe up your neck with his thin tongue and held you tighter as he continued grinding into you. Without warning he started flying a few feet in the air while still breeding you, his insect instincts telling him to give you a proper nuptial flight. In no time the other wasps joined in as well, both of them in front of you, tending to their precious queen. Rubbing you up and down, smearing the fluid that covered you into your skin, giving little kisses and nibbles, and caresses where they saw fit. They were a bit brutish, but they knew the transition occurring in all of your cells was a rough one and they wanted to help their queen embrace his new role as easily as possible, especially since you had been such a perfect weak little mate for them. You would have continued to beg for them to stop, but it felt so nice now. And it would have been so ungrateful. These nice men were taking care of you so sweetly, giving you lots of eggs to tend to, choosing you to take care of them. It made you feel fluttery in the pit of your stomach. You were so lucky. With a shudder the final load of eggs was unloaded into you, the wasp man behind you wrapping his legs around yours as he came. They all gently lowered you to the ground, one of them keeping you in his arms with you leaning against him and burying your head in his neck before passing out from sheer exhaustion. The wasps’ fluids were still hard at work rewriting your DNA, somewhat like a virus. It was definitely taking a toll on you. Your harem of wasp-men took you to your house and had you all washed up and bundled in your bed, keeping a dedicated vigil over you as you had a deep but feverish sleep. They did not like seeing you uncomfortable, unless it was from them teasing you. But they knew it would be worth it, when you woke up in a few days you would be totally dependent on them. Your new insect DNA demanding you to always be by one of them for safety and telling you that you would constantly need to be incubating their eggs. Their pheromones would comfort, alert, or arouse you based on what they needed to communicate and you would produce some as well that allowed them to track you and be aware of your condition. You’d even grow antenna and your skin would take a reddish tone. You would technically be a wasp hybrid yourself, but that would be the extent of your transformation. Just a weak incubator hopelessly dependent on them for the rest of your life.

[norris55s]

the summer i turned pretty - charles leclerc & arthur leclerc

a reader x charles leclerc & arthur leclerc love triangle, pt. 2

pt. 1

warnings: none other than angst?

a/n: a million years later here is part 2 but it’s not over ladies and gentlemen! i hope it doesn’t suck lol. part 3 will come. also i’ve now added charlotte siné as the fc for practical purposes!

————————————————————————

Day 4

————————————————————————

As I opened the door, terrified at who I was going to see behind it, I met Charles’ bloodshot eyes staring daggers into mine.

“Y/N, let’s talk, please. I screwed up, but let me explain,” he quickly said before I could even mutter a word.

I was still as speechless as I had been last night. Without a word, I moved aside to let him in my room, but he shook his head and insisted on talking to me at the beach. I just obliged, trying my best to be quiet around the house so as to not wake anyone up.

As soon as we arrived on the shore, Charles invited me to sit down and I once again just obliged. My heart was pounding on my ears and I felt like it would jump out of my body at any second.

“I feel like I should start at the beginning,” Charles said, while I looked to the sea instead of looking at him.

“I’ve always loved you. There has always been something about you that comforts me and makes me happy. I just didn’t realize how deep it went until last summer, when I realized that you kissing Antoine ruined the entire season for me.”

I tried to recall any reaction from Charles when I hooked up with Antoine last year that could’ve been a sign, but I found nothing in my memories. I was too busy sulking over the fact that he didn’t and would never like me, but I had been proved wrong 365 days later. The words were in my head but they didn’t make sense. Why would Charles Leclerc like me, much less love me?

“I’ve tried to avoid it, I’ve tried to think nothing of it, I’ve tried to deny it and it’s been no use.”

The irony of me doing the same thing for years was not lost on me. How I have pined for years not realizing he spent some of that time feeling the same way was borderline funny.

“Will you please look at me?” Charles asked with a hint of desperation in his voice, making it impossible for me to deny his request even if I knew any resolve or strength I had left in me would evaporate the minute my eyes met his.

The butterflies in my stomach felt like a swarm of wasps, and I’m sure the blush in my face evidenced it. Charles’ green eyes, the object of all my hidden wishes for as long as I could recall, stared into mine looking to decipher my emotions.

I wished I could say he found nothing but love, but in between all those beautiful feelings of loving and being loved in return, I could still sense a wretched feeling of disappointment.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” a stronger voice than expected called him out. All this time he had to know I felt the same way, but he let me believe there wasn’t a chance in hell he could care about me beyond a friendship.

“It took me too long to even understand it. Even then, I couldn’t justify changing your life on a crush, or hurt you and ruin it all. I still don’t know if I can justify it, but I know I can’t stand it anymore. I love you and I’m done pretending I don’t, or that you don’t love me too.”

When I searched into his eyes, all I could find was sincerity. And it was enough for me to jump into the deep end, leaning closer to him in hopes he would initiate the kiss I’ve desperately wanted for far too much time.

He granted my wishes, placing both of his hands on my neck to connect our lips. It was just like I imagined it.

Soft, passionate, unrushed, warm. I felt the fireworks that everyone speaks of go off in my head, and I just knew Charles felt them too.

As we pulled away to breathe, struggling to even think of ever separating me from him ever again, Charles smiled brightly.

“Can you say you love me too, mon cœur?” he asked so prettily I could coo at him.

“I love you, Charles Leclerc,” I obliged, because how could I say no to him?

“And I love you, Y/N L/N,” he replied, smiling even bigger, and kissing me even better.

Our bubble of a newfound love lasted a while, but was eventually meant to break when I received a text from Arthur.

————————————————————————

————————————————————————

The conversation about Arthur with Charles wasn’t the hard part at all. The older brother brushed the kiss off as a drunken mistake, and was a little too confident on who my choice would be.

The conversation about Charles with Arthur would be the hard part, and I didn’t even have time to settle down in my bed after the rollercoaster of emotions I had just gone through when Arthur barged in.

He looked happy to see me, and it broke my heart.

In trying to find the words to say I couldn’t be with him, and before I could mutter them, he hugged me.

“I’ve been trying to find you all this time, where have you been chérie?” Arthur smiled, but it quickly faded once he realized my energy wasn’t the same.

“Arthur…”

“Chérie, don’t say it was a mistake because you know it wasn’t. Fuck my brother, you know that this is right.”

“I’m so sorry…” I began and pushed back further away from him, as if my next words would hurt him any less because of it. “Charles and I spoke, and we have realized our feelings for each other…” I looked down, cowardly, unable to face his reaction. “You know I’ve loved him forever and I am just so sorry for leading you on.”

Like it always happened between us, I didn’t have to look at him, and he didn’t have to say anything. I just knew that we were done.

He stormed out of the room.

————————————————————————

charles_leclerc added to his stories

y/ninstagram added to her close friends stories

arthur_leclerc added to his stories

————————————————————————

[batifresa]

Tashi is the eldest child of her family. We know for a fact that she has two younger brothers; we see them with her parents at the Adidas party. We also know her family was very supportive of her, and that Tashi is described by Zendaya as family-oriented.

But what about Art and Patrick's families? Here's what I think.

Patrick 100% has siblings! My take is that the only reason his parents didn’t care about him throwing his life away and being a disappointment, is because they already had another child perfectly trained and poised to take over the family business and carry on the Zweig name proudly. A boy, the eldest. And just in case the eldest failed, a backup, another boy, or a girl. The heir, the spare, and Patrick.

He was un unruly child, I'm sure, so they just sent him away to boarding school to be raised by someone else. More trouble than he was worth. His rejection issues (possibly) come from his parents always preferring his siblings over him. Abandoned and overlooked. The wound reopened, ugly and festering, when Art and Tashi married each other instead of him.

If Patrick were an only child, there is absolutely no way his parents would have allowed him to just fuck off into the sunset to play tennis. In my opinion, Patrick gives middle child energy, though he could be the youngest as well. That being said, he's obviously not close to his family at all. Given his current lifestyle, it's evident that at one point his parents either, cut him off, or he stopped accepting their financial support.

It's worth noting that, while Tashi's family was present at her match for the 2006 US Open (and quite supportive, complete with signs and video cameras), the families of Patrick and Art were nowhere in sight. Which brings us to:

Art. He's a tricky one cause, in my opinion, not only does he give strong "Only Child Syndrome" energy, but also "divorced parents" energy. His grandma clearly adored him and doted on him, but his parents were very much absent from his life. And no, I don't think they're dead. On top of Art's boarding school expenses, we know his grandma was in a nursing home, which are also very, very expensive. So who was paying for all of this? An uncle? Possibly, but I don't think so.

It seems to me that his parents divorced, but neither of the two wanted to deal with the living, breathing reminder of their failed marriage, so they shipped him off to boarding school. I suppose it's possible that he could have step-siblings from either of his parents remarrying, but they probably didn't want him anywhere near their new families. Lonely and unwanted. Aside from his codependency issues, this could be an extra motive to his complete aversion to separating from Tashi, despite his clear misery. He doesn't want history to repeat itself with Lily. Divorce brought nothing but pain for him, after all.

I've encountered people depicting Art's family as middle-class, but that's incorrect. WASPs usually come from old money, and we can tell that this is the case with Art. The sheer size of the rock on Tashi's finger, which belonged to his grandma, speaks for itself. The writer has also explicitly said both guys came from money, but were essentially abandoned by their families.

Before Tashi, they really had no one to rely on but each other. Which makes their fall out all the more tragic.

[maddascanbe-blog]

Ladies and Gentlemen. I give you Little Vesperia. She's a powerful punch in a petite package! I posted her design in sketches ages ago but I was SO jazzed to finally do it digital. And I finally could do Teen Zoé and Vesperia.

Buckle up folks this is a long one.

I won't go into too much detail on Teen Zoé's fit, since I already talked about it in here. But Vesperia is where things get more interesting.

Little Vesperia obviously takes more inspiration from Queen Bee since in my rewrite Zoé idolizes Chloé so much. Zoé's father couldn't really be bothered to care about Zoé, she's been at every boarding school and summer camp he could afford while still keeping most of the money Audrey sends him. She rarely sees him, and when they are stuck together he wants her out of sight and out of mind.

Then Zoé is uprooted entirely when Audrey's infidelity is exposed. To save face she gets brought to Paris, to play at being one big happy family. She may be young, but she's wise enough to know this is just another person using her for their gain. She did face bullying at her schools, and a whole lot of nothing done about it from the teachers.

She also does not speak french. Which means that a good 70% of people have no idea how to communicate with her. And Audrey was no help. Zoé vas given so little information she didn't even KNOW she had an older sister when the was taken to France. Chloé was a complete blindside to her.

And she especially doesn't expect this intimidating teenager to kneel down to her level, and in perfect english explain that it's okay to be scared and she'll make sure Zoé won't be stuck wondering what's gonna happen next.

They spend the rest of the day learning where everyone is, and what certain things are called in french so that Zoé has a better way to communicate. They also sit down and order decorations for Zoé's room.

Zoé fully anticipated André to ignore her, but he is kind like he is in cannon. Just very busy so can only get in small conversations with her. Still, he's shown her more care than her own father had in the 9 years she's been alive. Since he'll ask her about her day, anything she may need, how school has been, etc. He also manages to get a free day to show her all the cool things in the hotel that most people don't know are there. He tries to have dinner with Chloé and Zoé as often as possible and they eat lunch together at the hotel at least once a week.

Now to Teen Zoé. I'll probably write this down in a separate post but my Idea for her is because of the limits I put on the rabbit miraculous Bunnix is no longer able to fight Timetagger, but she IS able to bring someone from that point in time to help instead. And since bringing anyone that could be recognized could potentially cause a paradox, the best solution is to bring in someone who they haven't met yet.

Design wise I like Vesperia's cannon design but it does look more like a wasp than a bee. I based her top on these biker jackets that had segments on the sides and just made the segments alternate black and yellow. I originally planned to keep the black top and yellow bottoms, but it just didn't look the way I wanted it too. I think making the jacket yellow makes it look much more like a bee. Also black mask because I like how those look better.

I think Little Vesperia looks good too, different enough from Queen Bee while still looking like she took inspiration, my favorite part was making it look like she had striped socks. While Teen Zoé looks like a logical progression while also dipping into badass as opposed to cute. Also her pupils turn gold to further differentiate her from Queen Bee.

(Bonus- Verpseria with colors closer to her originals)

[in1-nutshell]

Hello! It's me Again! Firstly, I want to say thank you so much and I really enjoy/love it!

If it's okay to request could you do another part of this request (Elita One's twin sister w/ Sg Blackarachnia)?

The reactions/interactions of other Cons, Shockwave, Lockdown, Swindle (you can change/add Wasp or other cons, if you like);

Or reactions/interactions of Autobots (team Prime)?

(Takes place after reuniting with Optimus Prime, Autobots meeting Bot and their reactions/interactions to her)

also if it's okay to make a one of them as a separate request?

(Sorry if it's too much/complicated. Also take your time and thank you so much!)

She is back!!! Our Spider is back!!

I will be posting the second part to this request later on.

Hope you enjoy!

Elita One's twin sister with SG! Blackarachnia's personality reaction to Shockwave, Lockdown, Swindle, and Wasp

SFW, Platonic, Hint of Romantic, Slight Angst, Cybertronian (techno organic) reader

TFA

As Megatron’s personal and only medic in the Decepticon army, Buddy sometimes had to travel where he went. From across the mountains to someone on the opposite end of the screen. That was how she got to know many mechs in the army.

“We are going out.”--Megatron

“We?”--Buddy

“You and I.”--Megatron

“Me? Sorry, not today My Lord. I have to work on the med bay.”--Buddy

“What needs to be done in the med bay?”--Megatron

“Not going to tell you because then you’re just going to get someone else to do it. And no one here can organize my stuff the right way. I was trying to fix Blitzwing’s servo, my tool kit was nowhere to be found. For about half an hour I was searching for it, and it was under your throne. Who puts stuff there?”—Buddy

“You have been stuck here for the last couple of cycles. I do think it is wise for you to get out and stretch your struts.”--Megatron

“You would love to see that wouldn’t you?”--Starscream

“Starscream!”--Megatron

“Wait what did he say?”--Buddy

“Nothing! We are going!”--Megatron

Megatron grabbing Buddy’s servo and leaving without a word.

When Buddy met Shockwave, it was through the main screen in the Decepticon HQ on Earth.

Shockwave had all her information from her Academy records. To say he was skeptical of Buddy’s position on the team was an understatement.

It wouldn’t be the first time the Decepticons would have a former Autobot change sides. No doubt Buddy would be the last one to do so either.

In this case, however, it nearly seemed too good to be true.

Shockwave going through going through Buddy’s file before the video meeting.

“Let’s see here… death certificates with no body found… former student at the Autobot Academy…several medical certifications, impressive… Special powers? Strange... Excellent marksmanship… Former protégé of some field tech, boring… Most likely to follow the Prime status? Unexpected but nothing more…what… had connections with Ultra Magnus?!”--Shockwave

It truly seemed too good to be true, but he kept quiet about his skepticism to himself. His first step was to get close to Buddy and try and get some information on them. Maybe find out if she is a mole or any potential blackmail material.

Shockwave was expecting someone sketchy trying to fill in the stereotypical Decepticon role or an Autobot with a poor, and or, offensive Con skit memorized.

Not someone who had their own unique style that would be associated with Decepticonism and who deeply cared for their comrades.

“Shockwave.”--Megatron

“Lord Megatron.”--Shockwave

“This is our newest chief medical officer on Earth, Buddy.”--Megatron

“Hello Shockwave, it is a pleasure to meet you.”--Buddy

“Erm—thank you Buddy, is it? Such a peculiar name.”--Shockwave

“Yes, it isn’t a common name or one that sparks any fear into the sparks of the enemy but, that is who I am. How has your day been?”--Buddy

“My what?”--Shockwave

“Oh, sorry was that not an appropriate question to ask?”--Buddy

“I—it has been a good day as of now.”--Shockwave

“That’s good to hear. We can’t have one of the Decepticon’s top spy’s in a rough shape can we?”--Buddy

“Top spy?”--Shockwave

“Yes! I have read a little bit about your work through the reports.”--Buddy

“You’ve read my reports?”--Shockwave

“You’ve read some of the reports?”--Megatron

“Of course! They are interesting to read. And it also doesn’t help when you leave some of the data pads out in the open My Lord. Especially around my work area.”--Buddy

“Don’t you have to go and reorganize the medbay’s newest supplies?”--Megatron

“Oh yes! Good-bye Shockwave! I do hope to get to know you better and that your work is truly—”--Buddy

“Buddy.”--Megatron

“All right, all right I’m going. Bye!”--Buddy

Buddy walks out of the room.

“… She seems like a nice addition to the medical wing.”--Shockwave

“Yes…”--Megatron

“… I am not looking for a relationship now, My Megatron. Anyways Buddy is not my type.”--Shockwave

“…”--Megatron

Shockwave was left a bit confused after that interaction with Buddy. It only got worse once Buddy had willing gone to the screen to contact him.

“Hello Shockwave!”--Buddy

“Hello Buddy. Has something happened? This call was unscheduled.”--Shockwave

“I know but I wanted to talk to you.”--Buddy

“About what pray tell?”--Shockwave

“Anything.”--Buddy

“I’m not sure I am following…”--Shockwave

“Last call you seemed… well you seemed a little bit lonely. It cannot be easy keeping up the façade of being Longarm Prime all day, especially in front of the council, Ultra Magnus, and the entire Elite Guard.”--Buddy

“…It is not. But there are certain bots here that are a bit dimmer than the average bot. It makes things easier. One of the Prime’s has the IQ of a bag of rusty bolts.”--Shockwave

“Is that so? Ouch! Do tell more.”--Buddy

“I believe one of the Autobots are on to me.”--Shockwave

“Are you sure? Do you need back up or something?”—Buddy

“No, not at the moment.”--Shockwave

“Good, you can never be too safe.”--Buddy

“Yes…”--Shockwave

Shockwave was in denial of the friendship that was forming through those calls. He didn’t need friends talking to his audial all day long!

It’s not like he looked forward to having those talks with Buddy.

Nope.

Absolutely not.

It’s not like the two of them have swapped personal com lines to further talk about personal things and away from the prying optics of other Cons that entered the room.

It isn’t until one late night he realizes how deep he is in.

Longarm listening to yet another boring presentation with the other Primes, trying not to stab Sentinel’s big chin with a pen. His mind slowly wondering what Buddy is going to talk about this time when he tells them about Sentinel’s big chin.

He freezes.

Oh.

Oh no…

He has a friend.

He has a good friend now.

How does one keep a good friendship like this from falling into pieces in the face of a war?!

A little while later Shockwave starts searching up ‘Ways to keep good friend’ on Bing.

Blurr opening the door, giving Shockwave just enough time to go back into Longarm form.

“I know there is a spy here Longarm! I can feel it—what are you looking up?”--Blurr

“Umm… engex bottles.”--Longarm

“…”--Blurr

“…”—Longarm

“Oh really! What years are you looking at? I personally think—”—Blurr

Longarm/Shockwave sagging in a bit of relief from the scare.

Swindle and Lockdown met Buddy at a weapons meet.

Megatron had invited Buddy to meet his arms dealer and favorite mercenary, Swindle and Lockdown. Buddy didn’t get much information on the two, being that they were on the borderline sections of potentially ‘sell outs.’

“Lord Megatron, is there any more things I need to know about these two mechs?”--Buddy

“Lockdown will not speak out of line. He is more interested in getting the latest gadgets for his collections.”--Megatron

“Mod collector, got it. And this ‘Swindle’?”--Buddy

“Any price he tries to get you to buy is a terrible one. Leave the bargaining to me.”--Megatron

“And when you mean bargaining, you mean peacefully or using intimidation?”--Buddy

“Yes.”--Megatron

“You are impossible sometimes.”--Buddy

“Only for you.”--Megatron

“What?”--Buddy

“Here’s our stop.”--Megatron

Swindle had been told beforehand that Megatron was bringing someone else to meet him. The new medical chief, from what he understood.

He thought about displaying a couple more weapons for this new Con, maybe get them to buy something.

Swindle placing a big cannon on the table.

“That’s a bad idea Swindle.”--Lockdown

“Oh hush! You don’t know what he is like.”--Swindle

“First, she. Second, I did my homework.”--Lockdown

“But they could have a fascination in cannons once they see this beauty.”—Swindle

“Like I said, I did my homework. I heard around that the medic isn’t too found in weapons.”--Lockdown

“If that is true, then why would she even want to go to a weapons meet with Megatron?”--Swindle

“I don’t know—Speaking of which, look who’s here.”--Lockdown

Megatron landing on top of the platform with huge mechanical spider coming off of his back as they both transformed.

“I thought you said Earth spiders didn’t get that big!”--Swindle

“That’s the chief medical officer, numb nuts.”--Lockdown

The two Cons were not expecting Buddy.

Well, more Swindle, after all, Lockdown did do his homework.

Lockdown kept to himself while politely introducing himself to Buddy. She politely responded back with a small smile.

Swindle kept on showing the weapons to Megatron as the other two made small talk about modifications.

“Hey Buddy!”--Swindle

Lockdown mouthing ‘no’.

Megatron wondering what this was about.

Swindle wrapping an arm around Buddy.

Megatron’s optics are staring at it like it did a capital offense.

“What do you think of these bad boys? I’m sure that there is something here that has caught your attention.”--Swindle

“Oh? Sorry I’m just here to visit, I’m not interested in buying.”--Buddy

“Oh please, I’m sure we can work something out. You’re the new chief medical officer, right? How about I show you some of the tools I—”--Swindle

Lockdown coughing.

“Lockdown and I got at another exchange. Top notch and… and…”--Swindle

“Umm, Swindle are you feeling, okay? You’re looking a little bit queasy?”--Buddy

Swindle just now noticing the Death Glare Megatron was giving him, specifically at the arm still wrapped around Buddy’s frame.

Swindle quickly dropping it.

“How about this, Buddy. I give you these tools, for… free. For free, and you tell everyone at the base about the great deals you got here!”--Swindle

“I mean, I could—”--Buddy

“That’s wonderful! Here they are and here are the weapons you purchased Megatron!”—Swindle

Megatron still glaring but nodding.

“Oh! Okay, Bye Swindle and thank you for the tools. I’ll be sure to tell everyone back on base.”--Buddy

“Anytime Buddy!”--Swindle

“Good-bye Lockdown. I hope you have a good time finding those new mods!”--Buddy

“Much obliged Buddy, bye.”--Lockdown

Megatron and Buddy transforming, Buddy getting on Megatron’s back as he zooms out of there.

“… Did you soil yourself?”--Lockdown

“N-no!”--Swindle

Swindle brushed him aside and continued organizing his stuff in his chassis.

Lockdown just wondered if one day he might see Buddy again. It was nice to have someone else besides Swindle to talk to sometimes.

Buddy met Wasp under less pleasurable circumstances.

Buddy had been taking a break from the stuffy base one night and decided to take a walk on one of the islands nearby.

They had been walking around the area when they heard noises.

Like rapid little pede steps.

It couldn’t have been the Dinobots. Their steps were a kin to a mini earthquake.

It was someone else.

Quickly, she webbed herself to a nearby tree and watched.

A small green mech appeared from the brush.

He looked scared.

But what could have scared him?

Sure, Grimlock and the others were a bit much but if they were after the mech then Buddy would have heard them.

No, someone or something else was after the small guy.

“Wasp!”--Optimus

Buddy freezing.

“Wasp, I know you’re out there! Come out with your servos up!”--Sentinel

Wasp making more whinnying noises.

Buddy quickly snapped out of it and webs him up into the tree with her.

“Ah--”--Wasp

“Shh! Don’t scream, I’m here to help. But I can’t help you if you continue to scream, okay?”--Buddy

Wasp nodding slowly.

It was Optimus and Sentinel.

As much as Buddy wanted to know what was going on with both parties, her attention was on the shaky mech that looked like he was about to have a panic attack.

Wasp didn’t know what to think at that moment, but right now this bot was helping him get away from the Elite Guard so he decided to play along.

The Autobots suddenly came out of the brush.

Buddy and Wasp froze seeing them from their hiding place.

Wasp was already looking for a way out when he saw his savior start to shake.

At first, he thought it was out of anger and that they were going to pull out their weapon and start shooting up the place.

Until he saw her optics.

Big, wide, shaky, filled to the brim with fear.

He had seen those optics before. Those were his optics sometimes.

What had those Autobots had done to this Con to get a reaction like this?

Buddy thought that she had finally come to terms with everything that had happened, especially when Optimus showed up.

Seeing Sentinel there sent another wave of flashbacks her way. It was too much; it was too much. She knew that she should have been listening in on the conversation, it could drop some important information for the team.

But the flashes of Elita’s smile, Sentinel’s antics, and Optimus’s laughter filled her senses like no tomorrow.

Buddy was in such a shaky state she didn’t know it until the little green mech held her servo gently. Like one would do to their kid if something was scaring them.

He was trying to calm her down.

She slowly stopped the shaking as the Autobot’s left the area. After a bit more of waiting, the two climbed down the tree.

“Thank you. I’m sorry you had to see that. I was the one trying to help you and you ended up helping me.”--Buddy

“Wasp is glad you okay. Nice lady bot scaring Wasp a bit.”--Wasp

“Again, sorry about that… Wasp? Is that your name?”--Buddy

“Yes. This is Wasp.”--Wasp

“Well, I’m Buddy. You have some scratches on you. I have a med kit with me, I can fix those up right now if you want.”--Buddy

Wasp looking at Buddy hesitantly before nodding.

Buddy getting to work.

“You are doing such a good job at staying still Wasp. Most of my patients like to move a lot. You’re doing so much better than they are right now.”--Buddy

“Wasp doing good job?”--Wasp

“Yes, yes you are Wasp.”--Buddy

“Buddy bot too nice to Wasp.”--Wasp

“No one can be too nice Wasp. It’s just that sometimes… sometimes empathy can get lost in wars like this.”--Buddy

“Wasp don’t like Autobots.”--Wasp

“I feel you Wasp…”--Buddy

“…Autobots hurt Buddy bot? Hurt Buddy bot bad?”--Wasp

“…Yeah, you could say that…”--Buddy

“…Autobots hurt Wasp too.”--Wasp

“I’m sorry to hear that Wasp…”--Buddy

“Wasp sorry for Buddy bot…”--Wasp

“Welp, I finished fixing those scratches and dents.”--Buddy

“Thank you!”--Wasp

“…Would you like to come with me to the Decepticons? That way you’d be safe from the Autobots.”--Buddy

Wasp pausing not sure what to answer.

“Listen, you don’t have to answer that right away. That’d be selfish of me to expect that from you right now. This is my private channel, if you need me, just call me.”--Buddy

Wasp in amazement simply nodding.

“You take care okay, Wasp.”--Buddy

“Bye Buddy bot!”--Wasp

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Blood kink maybe?

Of the things that Tomura expected to happen once they fled Kamino, he can't say that Dabi being kidnapped was anywhere even remotely on his list of possibilities. He never complained about Dabi wandering off from the rest of them. Technically, as far as the others were concerned, he was attempting to recruit more members. In reality, Tomura knows that Dabi won't ever bring anyone back to join their group. Dabi has standards for villainy that means they won't work with riff-raff, and Tomura knows that him burning anyone who doesn't live up to those standards will keep the League as a persistent threat in the background of the news cycles, growing more uneasy about what the League might do when they decide to fully come out of the shadows. Besides, letting him wander keeps him happy too, never feeling strangled and tied down. Tomura isn't sure if he's ever met another person who has such strong abandonment issues that they flash like a neon sign over him, but after the first time he'd nearly lit Tomura on fire for acting slightly too affectionate with him, he'd also found out that he doesn't take kindly to anyone trying to make him feel valued either. It's a messy contradiction, but Tomura isn't going to pretend that he didn't know just from looking at Dabi that he was messy and he's willing to take what he can get. 

He was not expecting to get a phone call from Dabi's number from some Yakuza stragglers saying that they have his firefly. 

"Hmm. Is that so?" He pulls up the app that connects the League's phones so that Kurogiri can always track them for easy extraction and finds the coordinates in a matter of seconds, gesturing for the others to gear up and gather around so they can deal with this. "How do I know you didn't just steal his phone? This can't be your first kidnapping. You must know that I need proof of life before I negotiate with you."

"You aren't in any position to make demands--"

"You're not in any position to threaten the League when we just finished tearing off your boss's arms." He replies flatly. "Proof of life, or I hang up now." 

The other villain practically growls and Tomura listens for the sound of movement, catching footsteps and the creak of a door opening. "Wake him up!" He winces slightly when there's the heavy sound of flesh against flesh and then Dabi wheezes. "Your boyfriend wants to hear your voice, patchwork." 

"Boyfriend?" Tomura can't help his pleasure soaking into his tone slightly, but Dabi immediately snaps, 

"The fuck are you talking about? Duster isn't my boyfriend!" The door slams shut again and Tomura tables the immediate disappointment that comes from that and instead sends the coordinates to Kurogiri.

"There, now you better listen up if you don't want to find him scattered all over Japan--" it takes about five seconds after the texts goes through before Kurogiri opens up the portal. Tomura hangs up his phone, dropping it back into his coat pocket, before he steps through, right in front of the dumbfuck with Dabi's still against his ear. He locks his hand around that wrist as his other comes up lightning-quick to settle five fingers against his face, the others swarming out of the portal behind him like some particularly vicious wasps to take care of the other members around the dilapidated warehouse. 

The Yakuza member crumbles into nothing, and Shigaraki takes back Dabi's phone before it can be broken with the rest of him, and then he glances around. There were only four others out here and he sees that the League is making short work of them, finds the door a short distance away from where the man was standing, and heads for it. He hears a choked gurgle on the other side of the door and immediately pushes it open, making sure that the metal blocks most of his body, but it wasn't worth the effort. There's no one inside to shoot at him anymore. 

Dabi is just there, spitting out a mouthful of flesh and blood, handcuffed to a chair, his face and white shirt streaked with crimson. He shifts to kick the slumped body of the Yakuza member off of him. The body thuds to the floor unceremoniously and Dabi looks up at him. "Toga's the one who put the heart emoji by your name." 

He doesn't say a thing in response. He's too busy staring at the blood that is dripping all over Dabi's skin and soaking into his clothes. Too busy watching his firefly turn to spit out another mouthful of saliva that has come out stringy and thick with blood. 

"Duster? Come the fuck on, let me out." 

He manages to move across the room then, but he does it in a haze as he reaches for the quirk-dampening cuffs keeping Dabi on the chair. 

"Fucking idiots. I don't know why people forget that they're just as capable of getting killed by something mundane and not a quirk." 

Dabi is bitching to hide that his pupils are blown wide with his adrenaline. He's standing up and the room gets a little warmer as, despite his words, he makes sure he's ready to defend himself with his quirk first and foremost. He is reaching up to wipe more of the blood from his mouth and Tomura reaches out and grabs his wrist. Blue eyes blink at him and then he's got his mouth on top of his crimson lips. The sticky smear of the blood makes the scent of copper and smoke bloom between them and he can't even care. Can't complain when he tastes that and his firefly's skin beneath. Dabi stiffens from the kiss, this temperature spiking higher for a second, but then he gives in, the way he always gives in, like being kissed, like being touched, is a relief to him. He opens his mouth for him and Tomura indulges in that overwhelming flavor as he pulls the other closer and keeps kissing him until they're both desperate for air. 

He doesn't even stop as they try to catch their breath, his tongue drags over his stained chin as well and licks up some of the blood dripping over his skin. "Should've known you were a goddamn freak." But Dabi is clutching onto his coat and pulling him closer for another kiss. 

"Toga drinks blood all the time." He mumbles, but he doesn't really care about saving face. He just wants to have more of this if he's allowed it. 

"Toga's got a quirk that makes her like it. You're just a sadist." 

"Your tears taste better. Let me have those too?" 

"Fucking freak." But Dabi pulls him back in for another hard kiss as Tomura pushes him up against the wall, stepping over the corpse of Dabi's captor as he does.

[adobe-outdesign]

Have you done a Buzz review yet? Love that guy, but I feel like not a whole lot of others do.

The Buzz is only one of two insect Neopets, the other being the Ruki. Ironically, the two are kind of opposite in terms of design—the Ruki has a very insect-like body but a non-insect face, while the Buzz has a non-insect body but a very insect face complete with compound eyes (unusual for a Neopet design). Between the two I personally like the Ruki a bit more as I feel like it captures what I like about bugs more, but the Buzz is a worthwhile addition with its own flair.

In terms of design, the Buzz is closest to a dragonfly with its large compound eyes, four transparent wings, and cerci. However, the resemblance beyond that is closest to a reptile, with a scaled underbelly, spines, and anatomy that resembles a Krawk. The dragon/bug look is a rare combo to see in media, but it really feels natural here.

Color-wise, the base colours have green eyes and spikes with cream-colored underbellies. Personally I like it more when the eyes and spikes match the primary color, which most painted colours do, but the defaults are decent enough.

I think Buzz mostly benefited from conversion. While they have been saddled with a fist, they also received much improved art that fixes their anatomy and increases the size of the details so the entire design reads better. I also like the lighter-colored wings on the converted version; they feel a bit overpowering on the old art.

Favorite Colours:

Baby: Baby pets that lean into the natural life cycles of real animals are always fun, and the baby Buzz is no exception. (Entomology disclaimer: grubs are usually beetle larvae, but it doesn't really matter anyway as this is a fantasy creature.) It's hard to make a grub cute, but this design pulls it off, with a face that's still fairly Buzz-like and a tiny body to go with it. Both converted and UC/styled versions are good, though the styled is about 50% cuter.

Maraquan: Lobsters aren't insects but they are vaguely insect-like in terms of body design, with a hard segmented shell and lots of legs. In that respect, the Maraquan Buzz makes a lot of sense, and the design is able to adapt the Buzz's face and basic design onto a lobster-like body without it looking uncanny. I also really like the desaturated blue palette combined with the cream underbelly. Once again both versions are good, though I will note that the converted version subtly improves the marking consistency on the head a bit.

Faerie: More of a butterfly this time, the faerie Buzz sports a pretty pink, purple, and yellow-orange palette with lots of swirls and intricate details. The wing shape is really pretty and the body markings make it feel unique even when converted. While both versions are okay, the UC/styled is better due to both the original pose and details like the darker wings, curled jaw protrusions, and less spiky spines (which are constrained only to the head and not the back).

BONUS: The Darigan design gives the Buzz a wasp body, making it by far the most insect-like Buzz available. It's a great pick for the concept, and details like the stripes and the spines under the jaw feel really well thought out. Only nitpick is that the wings are too dark... and that the converted version is TERRIBLE, which is why this is a bonus pick. I guess there was nothing they could do to convert it without it looking bad, but like... yikes(TM). Thankfully, the styled version remains as good as ever.

[giantchasm]

A Ginormous Assortment of Floralia Headcanons

Just because I haven't been posting headcanons lately doesn't mean I haven't had Kirby on the brain! Recently, I shared a LOT of my thoughts about Floralia on Discord, and I've compiled and organized them here to share! Enjoy!

On the islands themselves:

-Royal Road is the most important island of the bunch, at least when it comes to discussing the Insectoids and People of the Sky. This is where both of their homes are situated. The island is (Or... well, was) divided into two halves — those of the Insectoid Kingdom and that of Sky Kingdom.

-Sectonia took over the Sky Kingdom during her tyrannical rule, caging its people. Oddly enough, though, now that she’s been overthrown, there’s actually less of a concrete divide between the two groups. They interact almost like one big kingdom.

-Although Royal Road is by far the most populated island, the other islands have their own little communities. In particular, there are quite a few small villages in Fine Fields and Lollipop Land. These communities weren't really involved in the royal drama until Sectonia also conquered them, and with her reign of terror having ended, they've gone back to their regular lives.

Everything else (Going over Insectoid biology and culture, the history of and relationship between the two kingdoms, ETC) will be placed beneath a cut, as this post is over three-thousand words long. Please check it out, though, if you'd like!:

On Insectoid biology/culture:

-Floralia has MANY types of Insectoid. Every type of bug you can think of, they have! Ladybugs... butterflies... stickbugs— you name it! There are even beings similar to some animals we DON’T classify as insects considered Insectoids, such as spiders and snails.

-True Insectoids are not related to or 1:1 to the bugs of our world— they simply resemble them. There are many differences. For example. They’re a sort of cross between arthropods and mammals, unlike any creature we have here on Earth. They have blood (referred to as ‘hemolymph’) that’s red when inside of their bodies but that turns blue when exposed to oxygen.

-True Insectoids are the anthro, sapient insects like Sectonia and Taranza. Meanwhile, Lesser Insectoids are… well, actual bugs! True Insectoids do not see Lesser Insectoids as their equivalent or as equals and thus do not object to people eating them. In fact, they’re a staple part of True Insectoid cuisine!

-Most Lesser Insectoids (also sometimes just called ‘bugs’) are eaten already dead. However, live Lesser Insectoids are occasionally eaten by the wealthy and are considered a delicacy. Some Lesser Insectoids are eaten more or less than others. Those such as wasps and particularly poisonous bugs can only be consumed safely when prepared very carefully— somewhat like pufferfish. If not properly cooked and cut, eating them can lead to injury, illness, or even death.

-True Insectoids have more formal names for their subspecies, being called things like Arachnids, Sectra and Mantidae. Meanwhile, Lesser Insects are referred to as spiders, wasps, mantises, et cetera. Sometimes True Insectoids can be referred to by the same names as Lesser Insectoids, although this is seen as informal, albeit not impolite slang (Think of calling Taranza a spider instead of an Arachnid as something roughly similar to calling a television a TV or a cat a kitty. Like I said— not rude, but not really professional.)

-True Insectoids are one species with many subspecies. Despite looking very different and having wildly different abilities, they’re still closely related enough to crossbreed, although this is seen as somewhat taboo.

-Insectoids have a strong natural affinity for Soul magic. Some derogatory folklore posits they were created by Death itself as opposed to Void like the rest of the living beings. Insectoids themselves do not believe this, of course, but it’s, if nothing else, still a common People of the Sky wives’ tale/superstition

-Different types of True Insectoids have various abilities and unique skills, most often connected with their proficiency for Soul Magic, but not always. For example, Mantidae (mantis people) have super speed and the ability to teleport, Hercules (beetle people) have super strength, Papillon (butterfly people) have a special connection to the dead and ability to receive omens of the future, Sectra (wasp people) have the ability to influence the thoughts and feelings of the weak willed using their pheromones, and Arachnids (spider people) are capable of both puppeteering and bodysnatching.

-All Insectoids are seen as untrustworthy and scary by other species, but Arachnids especially. They’re viewed as manipulative schemers, even amongst other Insectoids thanks to the aforementioned abilities. This is despite the fact that almost no Arachnids bodysnatch and the fact that all Insectoids have similarly terrifying powers. In part, this is because of an incident detailed later in the kingdom history section, but truthfully, said incident is mostly just an excuse to have someone to step on. If it weren’t for that, they’d have found another reason to look down on Arachnids.

-Arachnid bodysnatching is a two-part process. First, they sting their victim with their stinger and administer a special type of venom. This puts their victim in a comatose state, rendering their mind dormant and unable to fight back as the Arachnid then assimilates them. Arachnids have a special organ for storing souls, and this is where they keep the souls of their victims when they bodysnatch. All Arachnids wear a stinger cover at all times, lest they accidentally jab someone. Even if bodysnatching isn’t performed, the stinger venom can cause comas, brain damage, and even death.

Aforementioned venom can also be administered via the fangs, but it’s much less potent. More often than not the fangs are simply used to administer a second type of more traditional venom used for killing prey. Or… well, it was back in the day. Now, it’s a bit of a leftover evolutionary trait, considering Arachnids aren’t doing much hunting any more

-Arachnids are one of, if not the only type of Insectoid to have hair. It’s seen as strange and generally viewed as unattractive by other Insectoids, but amongst spiders it’s a point of personal pride. They take very good care of their hair and love to style it

-Clothing is not seen as something necessary for modesty in Insect society. There is no social taboo regarding walking around naked. More than anything, clothes are simply a way of showing off status and power, as well as accentuating beauty, and are most often worn to things such as balls or coronations. Arachnids tend to wear clothes more often than other Insectoids because back in the day they used to make their own clothes with silk! This is much less common nowadays, however, although some Arachnids remain tailors!

-Sectonia wearing so little is seen as scandalous, but not because she’s near-naked. It’s because it implies she’s so perfect she needs very little to make herself look any better. It’s just another show of her ego and generally seen as conceited.

-Hercules love to decorate their horns with jewelry. This is a tradition mostly unique to them. Although- uh- is only really a ‘thing’ amongst the wealthy Hercules. There’s a very big class divide in the Insectoid Kingdom, and commoners can’t really afford those sort of luxuries.

-There are three types of Sectra: Drone Sectra, Worker Sectra, and Royal Sectra. Almost all male Sectra are worker Sectra— weaker, meek Sectra noticeably easily influenced by a Royal Sectra’s pheromones. Worker Sectra make up the majority of female Sectra and are strong, diligent fighters. Then, of course, there are Royal Sectra— those of the Sectra royal family. These can be both male or female and are MUCH larger and more powerful than other types of Sectra, not to mention far bigger: being almost three times the size of other Sectra and generally towering over most Insectoids. It’s rumored they achieve this form by being fed a special type of magical honey when they’re young, as opposed to the royal family having any TRUE difference from other Sectra

When Joronia/Sectonia assassinated the rest of the royal court, she killed all of Royal Sectra and the Worker Sectra serving them, but left the Drone Sectra alive as footsoldiers. She was able to use her new pheromones to turn them into disposable, utterly-obedient meatshields. It’s kind of horrifying

-Almost no other subspecies have gender dimorphism as noteworthy as the Sectra and their Drones vs Workers. The one exception is Antlers— Ant people with a similar hierarchy, except in small family units instead of larger groups. Because of this, Sectonia was able to create an army of Antler Drones as well.

-There is SOME, more minor, gender dimorphism in other subspecies, though, usually pertaining to size or appearance. For example, female Arachnids are noticeably bigger than male Arachnids, being able to reach twice their size. Joronia, being a trans woman, was always small, even for a DMAB Arachnid, and this is something she was super insecure about. Even Taranza was a little bit taller than her. When she took on the form of an absolutely humongous Royal Sectra she reveled in it. If it weren’t for the horrific bodysnatching thing, the euphoria she felt would almost be cute

-Floralia has no real education system. Instead, education is received through private tutors. This, of course, worsens the class divide, because only the wealthy can afford to truly educate their children. Taranza’s family taught him basic reading and writing, but he received no other tutoring. The only reason he’s as smart as he is is because he had a deep love for learning and would spend DAYS in the library studying and teaching himself things

-Before the Dreamstalk, there were “sky ferries” run by flying Insectoids that took people between the different Floralian islands. Hercules ran these most often because their super strength made carrying these ferries incredibly easy.

-Sectonia, despite being a “Sectra,” for the most part, had traits that were unnatural for them— being a beautiful Frankenstein’s monster. Sectra never have patterns as vibrant as she did, but she had them because she stole that bright indigo coloring from another type of Insectoid. Sectra never have shapes, let alone hearts in their wings, but she did, because she took those from a Papillon. In general, she was very, VERY uncanny valley— like one of those people who gets too much plastic surgery. She was a perfect, absolutely artificial freak of nature— a being who never could have been born naturally, and this gave all of the other Insectoids the heebie jeebies

On the two kingdoms/general history:

-The five most iconic True Insectoid subspecies are Arachnids (Spider people), Sectra (Wasp people), Hercules (Beetle people) Mantidae (Mantis people) and Papillion (Butterfly people). This is because these are the subspecies that make up the five royal families. It’s said that when the Insectoid kingdom of Floralia was first founded eons ago, it was founded by those five families, and as such, every one has right to the throne. Heirs from each family duel when they come of age to determine who becomes ruler until, of course, more heirs grow up and one eventually takes that person’s place.

-Duels between heirs for the throne were incredibly intense and violent, and sometimes ended in tragedy. While there were always healers on the scene, it wasn’t unheard of for heirs to occasionally die of their injuries. These heirs were always martyred, though, being seen as brave and unwavering by their people. Because of this, there was almost some pressure for heirs to actively fight to the death rather than surrender. No-one died during Joronia’s duel for the throne, though.

-(Suicide TW) Speaking of heirs dying, it wasn’t unheard of for heirs to sometimes take their own lives after losing the duel for the throne and their chance of becoming king or queen. These heirs, in contrast, were ostracized in death, and seen as cowards who abandoned their lineage.

-It’s said that once upon a time a heir actually ran away from Floralia before the duel for the throne. This heir— a Hercules, decided he wanted no part of this, and fled to the lower world, where it’s said his descendants still live. (Notably: Buggzy). Taranza sometimes fantasized about running away with Joronia in a similar fashion, but she was too fixated on the idea of winning the crown for him to ever seriously suggest it.

-There has been strife between the Insectoids and the People of the Sky almost as long as Floralia has existed, with the two groups fighting over land and power. In particular, the People of the Sky have the larger, more beautiful half of Royal Road, and this is something most Insects have always seen as unfair. Despite Sectonia being widely hated and feared by the time she launched an attack on the People of the Sky, some Insectoids supported her fullheartedly in that endeavor, at least, simply out of spite

-Several hundred years ago, there was an incident involving an Arachnid and the People of the Sky. At the time, the Insectoids and People of the Sky were at war, and allegedly, this Arachnid— a royal duke— decided to put a stop to it through dubious means. In the dead of night, he bodysnatched the ruler of the People of the Sky. Then, he pretended to be them as he slowly destroyed the kingdom from the inside out. Eventually he was caught and killed, but by then it was too late. Irreversible damage had been done to the People of the Sky’s livelihood.

When they confronted the Insectoid kingdom, the other royal families claimed they had no idea and used the duke, alongside Arachnids as a whole, as a scapegoat. Although there are rumors all of them were in on it and orchestrated the scheme together, simply using the duke and his fellow Arachnids as their fall guy in the wake of being caught.

Truthfully, it doesn’t really matter. Even if the duke DID do it alone, it wouldn’t excuse the poor treatment of Arachnids… and if we’re being real: it was never about the duke for the other Insectoids. It simply benefits the other royal families to have a family seen as “lesser,” and so they maintain the oppressive stereotype for their own benefit.

-Once upon a time, there were actually three noteworthy species in Floralia. Alongside the People of the Sky and Insectoids there was a third group: a large family of nobles who lived in a mansion in Wild World and sometimes traded/communicated with the other two. However, one day they seemingly just… disappeared. They stop reaching out, and when the People of the Sky and Insectoids went to check on them, it was as if they’d vanished into thin air. There are rumors of how they were cursed and whisked away to Hades or that one of them went mad and killed all of the others in a rampage. No-one knows what the truth is, though, just that that mansion is deeply unsettling and supposedly haunted now.

-It’s rumored that, eons ago, the lower world and higher world were connected by a tower in Nutty Noon that stretched into the sky and bridged the gap between them. However, that tower has long since degraded, and by the time of Triple Deluxe, the worlds had very little contact. The upper world still knew of the lower world— being able to peer down on them, but very few people living in the lower world knew of the upper world’s existence

-Sometimes gossip from the lower world still reached the upper world, though, particularly through flying species like Bronto Burts and Birdons. As teenagers, Taranza and Joronia heard stories of a horrifying tyrant who ruled the lower world with an iron fist. It was said this person had a hundred mouths with sharp, bloody fangs, and that he’d steal all of the lower worlders’ belongings. Joronia fantasized about one day traveling to the lower world, defeating this monster, and freeing the people. Little did she know the “tyrant—‘ actually a simple penguin, would one day end up helping free HER people from her.

-A very long time ago, back when the lower world and upper world were still connected, Ancients visited Popstar and Floralia, dazzling the people of both worlds with miraculous inventions such as the Fountain of Dreams and Star Rod. When they offered to let the two worlds join their intergalactic society, however, both declined, preferring their easygoing, lazy lives. Some people from the upper world and lower world left to join the Ancients, but Popstar and Floralia as a whole did not become a part of their utopia… and in hindsight, this was almost certainly for the best

-However, it’s through encountering these Ancients, particularly human tech Ancients, that Insectoids received their names. That’s why they’re called things like Arachnids and Mantidae despite not actually being related to real bugs. Humans simply saw them, went “They look like bugs!” And it stuck.

-Joronia was the first Arachnid ruler in over a hundred years. Her winning the duel was completely unexpected. She was a very unpopular queen, not only for being an Arachnid, but also for generally being seen as rebellious, irresponsible and childish. She tried very hard to make people like her, but never really earned the kingdom's love. This, of course, played a part in her eventually snapping while under the mirror's influence. She bodysnatched the other heirs, alongside many more bugs to create her perfect body— one that she felt the people could never reject, and went on to rule the skies with an iron fist.

-Sectonia killed… like, a lot of people during her tyranny. She slaughtered and/or assimilated the entire royal court. Public executions were commonplace. All people even SUSPECTED of being traitors were killed… sometimes, alongside their innocent families. Taranza did a lot of these executions himself, as Sectonia never wanted to get her hands dirty.

-As I alluded to earlier: nowadays the People of the Sky and Insectoids get along better, as after Sectonia was overthrown, the People of the Sky realized most Insectoids were just fellow victims of her tyranny and sympathized with them. They’ve bonded over their shared hatred of the ex-queen. You know what they say! The enemy of an enemy is a friend.

-The Insectoids and People of the Sky generally have very different cultures and traditions, meaning different holidays, although there is one they share: Floralian Independence Day. Every year, the two kingdoms get together and celebrate Sectonia’s death, having a feast and engaging in general festivities. They also leave offerings at the Dreamstalk, which they see as a symbol of their freedom. It goes without saying that Taranza loathes Floralian Independence Day with a burning passion

-Speaking of Taranza: as the tyrant queen’s right hand man and enabler, he is not well-liked. Hell, he wasn’t particularly liked even BEFORE the tyranny by virtue of not being of noble blood and only joining the royal court through Joronia DEMANDING he be allowed to become her retainer. Occasionally, Insectoids and People of the Sky make attempts on his life. When he goes out in public, people give him a wide berth. Teenagers egg the castle (which he now lives in alone) to upset him

On the People of the Sky:

-They aren’t born naturally. They’re planted. Two parents make a seed together that sprouts into a baby Person of the Sky

-When they sprout, a flower that matches the flower on their head sprouts alongside them. The two are connected. If the Person of the Sky dies, the flower wilts, and if the flower dies, the Person of the Sky becomes very ill before, most often, dying as well. These flowers continue to grow throughout their lives, and never reach a completely mature state. They can get pretty big. Nothing like the size of the Dreamstalk, of course, but some are as big as trees!

-They have a strong affinity for Flower magic and can even communicate with plants, but most plants don’t have anything too interesting to say. They mostly just make their needs (More water, more sunlight, ETC) known. The one exception to this is the plants that are born alongside the People of the Sky. Allegedly, they speak their deepest, most subconscious feelings and thoughts.

-They’ve had a democracy for a while. Their monarchy fell after the incident with the Arachnid duke. They’ve been helping the Insectoids get used to living in a democracy now that their own royal family has been disposed of.

-Their bones have rings based on how old they are, like trees. That said, I wouldn’t recommend cutting them open to find out their age. That’s just mean.

-They photosynthesize alongside consuming food, and need sunlight to live. Many People of the Sky actually died in the dungeons while jailed by Sectonia. In the dark and starved of that necessary resource, they withered away. She knew they’d die in those conditions, but did not care, having long since lost all compassion at that point.

[1eoness]

uhmmmm actor leon kennedy?? mayvbe

cw: dom! ooc leon kennedy x sub afab reader | no specific leon | he's kinda weird here idk | creampie | praise | mild degradation | wee bit of size kink idk

[to clarify, i am a minor (17). anyone <17 and anyone >17 uncomfortable with interacting pls dni}

a/n bc i love rambling : so uhmmm when i was writing this there was an electric explosion right outside of our house so the power's out in our neighborhood and im back in this damn cafe LMAOOO

a/n : (update lol)i wrote this like monthssss ago (wtf this sucks).. so im back nd im gonna post this bc why the fuck not it's still rllyyyy bad and a lot of word repeating but yeah just felt like posting lol

synopsis : actor!leon kennedy has been in the gig too long to deal with nepotistic, wide-eyed girls like you. yet much to his exasperation, you're just too much of a greenhorn in the showbiz world.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ -you can fucking skip this part idc- ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

you've only ever heard his name maybe once or twice in one of the magazines in your mother's bar. you must've read it over and over again, having to see his name and face habitually to endure the excruciating hours of working behind the bar with your phone in a locker. you weren't particularly enthusiastic about films or Hollywood or WASP families, either. but it was better than nothing.

it started like this. you were wiping the cedarwood slab that dewed with beer, when the woman who sat across you (having drunk maybe 4 pints) reached over with her veiny, grisly hands. the acrylics tapped at your temples when she held your awkward face.

said "woman" was your aunt who just got back from monaco. and she's been urging you to work with Pierce. whoever that was.

you were well content with the life you had right now. but sometimes—often in front of your vanity— you did find yourself fantasizing about the 'big city'. you caught yourself in a cliche dream but the idea was invigorating, the mere machinations of those opportunities dangled above your eyes like meat on a stick.

"..oh, but.. i don't think it's practical, you know?" you excused as you dismissed the billowing thoughts in your head. even if you had the physical assets that aligned with the director's vision, it would still feel wrong. some people go to literal schools for this stuff, don't they?

but she remained persistent. and after a low, lighthearted sigh, she continued her persuasion. "..y/n, you're a diamond in the rough." your aunt neared you, holding your hands together in a friendly hold. "..let me make it a reality for you."

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ -♡- ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

so. were you a natural? hell no.

you're wearing a costume that you can't even touch without the stylists getting mad at you. you got harped on and poked at for so long you were starting to get a migraine. the studio refused to let up on you, jabbing at you passive aggressively until you curled like a millipede. honestly, you were more pissed than sad!

and leon? god, he was a total fucking hottie. and he was totally cold.

the director announced an hour break to everyone just before they'd jump straight to the next scene. you remained sat on one of the props, hands clasped on your lap, contemplating the choices you've made over for the 7th time today. you were fidgeting like you were anxious. you forgot how breaks felt. the luxury was there, five star hotels, velvet cushions and robes and office gossip and dinners with imported wine and cheese. but it felt like hell. working with leon was the only thing that made it even ten percent worth everything, but even he doesn't seem to like you. why was everyone so mean? fucking fair enough, you were beginning to hate this place so much you might ask for a cigarette yourself.

the petrichor mellowed through the film set, nibbling her skin with chill. nights in raccoon are cold, you needed to keep mind of that in case you decide to open your front door without a jacket. the alleyways were diffused by vapor lighting and LED signs. you also had another superficial thought. what do people on set usually do when they're on break?

you whip your head up, legs swinging slightly as you scanned the area. most of them are either adjusting equipment, going through script, or smoking one. you turned your head to your right without expecting much.

you saw leon leaning against the wall, next to the director, sharing smoke (you're beginning to see this is a trend) and cheap laughs. you were mildly surprised, not realizing they were both adjacent behind you, and you felt goosebumps rise when your eyes landed on leon. you quickly looked forward again. you didn't want to move away.

you missed leon's subtle smirk to himself when his gaze flicked to the crown of your hair. he took a puff of his stick, still sounding like he was talking to the man beside him. his eyes didn't leave you and the way you sat there like you were going to spend the remainder of your break spacing out.

leon's voice was nonchalant behind you. to you, it was faint chatter. "...life will chew you up and spit you back out before too long, but that's..."

...

was he talking to you?

leon wasn't too nice on you while you guys were on set, but he wasn't so directly mean either—emphasis on directly.

he's earned word of you from both your aunt and the director, obviously. he doesn't look like the type, but sometimes he has a knack for gossip. that's just how the nature of stardom works, doesn't it? name number #1 did this that tto name number #2, someone divorced someone, someone slept with someone—and the whole world goes aflame. he could care less about where you came from, why you're really here or who you were connected to. but something about you was thought-provoking. contrasting you, he worked for where he was. you just sat there looking pretty and snagged the role right away. maybe that sort of incompetency and oblivious audacity made you stand out from the rest. he found it pathetically attractive. you're an artless girl.

your head swiveled over your shoulder, looking behind and up at leon.

leon's eyes met your gaze halfway. "aww. is this your first big time acting gig, baby? no need to be nervous, it'll be alright." a tinge of mockery sweetened the husk of his voice. the director, who you now know is 'pierce', snickered at leon's subtle sarcasm.

the director tells him he's going to announce everyone to continue, since he wanted the rain to 'sex things up'. heaven's dew tapped lightly on the concrete as the director mounted his back off the vandalized walls, leaving you and leon alone in the same space. oh god.

for a minute you sat there quietly, letting the tension sink in upon the director leaving. you tentatively take another glance at leon. he wasn't looking at you anymore, and his hands were out his pockets as he swipes the little box open. soft brown tufts wisped when he shook his head to get the rain off his hair.

you got off the table. you walked to leon. you'd say your feet were moving on its own.

his head shifts to your direction. his bangs falling over his face. a gust of wind breezes by, and he smells deep, musky. like cardamom. cedarwood.

" if anyone's givin' you trouble on set..." leon looks down as he slips a cigarette in his mouth, rummaging in his pocket for his lighter. "you come to leon... 'kay?"

his hush voice was honeyed whiskey when it wooed at you, applying simple emphasis to his two-syllable name. leon, leon, how that name would sound in bed. there's a slight tease to his eyes, before diverting his attention to his cigarette, casting an orange glow in his palms when he flicks the lighter on with his thumb. his presence was prodding, inviting you with every inch of his body language. this man was blazing and you were a fucking moth.

he likes the way you're looking at him right now. your eyes are batting at every subtle sculpt of him. you can look away but he knows you're still thinking about him.

such a sweet thing, this one.

he decides to be 'friendlier', pitying the fact that you're obviously having a hard time socializing with the crew. "what's your favorite movie, doll?"

"mm.. i liked kill bill. and pulp fiction." you converse casually.

a name rolls off his tongue. "quentin tarantino." he nodded in what seemed like approval, watching a puddle.

you blink. "what?"

he glances at you and he doesn't reply, before leaving that wall all to yourself.

...

leon's tongue trickles with the taste of vouvray. you were art in the shadows, the honey lighting of the dimmed lamp doing nothing to illuminate leon's hotel room. your lips are glossed with his saliva, evidence of your breath went after he made out with you.

you're barely holding it, all while his big hands purchased at your flesh, drinking in the way you straddled his boner. the subtle friction where you were able to feel how big he really is intimidated you, blooming excited butterflies, your stomach fluttering at each soft push of your hips. you watched with your palms flat on his stomach, the soaked fabric of your panties collecting and staining all over his boxers as you stifled a needy whimper. "y'need it now, baby? oh, don't go soft on me now... i'll take care of you, just tell me."

his pretty baby, sitting on him and too shy to plead from the big shot. leon's hands languidly travel your skin, palms massaging up your sides. "...i-i wan' it.. i want you.. please.." you murmured hazily, leaning down to give him a soft kiss to compensate for the bashfulness that rode over your speech.

"is that right, sweetheart?" he bit his lip gently at the teasing sight, loving the way you sounded needier by the minute. "oh, baby, go on. it's all yours, yeah?.." he crooned, patting your thigh gently.

"easy, baby.. oh, there you go.. atta girl.." he groans prettily when he's muttering you through it, eyes delectably gazing at the way you sink on his length. it was cute to him seeing you not knowing what to do with your hands. but he watches you settle them on his built torso, and he could only look at you in adoration. god, he was so fucking thick and you were so highly strung..

leon's touch stroke at your knees. you aren't moving, and he looks almost amused seeing you try to render just how he feels inside you. "i can't.." he heard you murmur before you giggled quietly, to which made him chuckle as well. but the flustered laughter dies down. the actor groans, feeling your fluttering grip around his cock, making it his instinct to hold onto your waist.

it didn't take long before you started getting loud. your arousal lathered up and everytime you pump down a creamy squelch. "mhmmm... uhh, keep going.." leon whispers, and his eyes stared at where your bodies met. you could hear a soft whimper from him—vocally begging your sweet little self to go faster.

leon watches you trying to change the speed. poor girl, you looked like you were already starting to ragdoll. you resisted stopping, unable to with the way he'd rub into the right spots. leon took your small, depleted whine as a sign for him to initiate. he was just letting you have your fun. just until you'd get a bit frustrated. by this time he'd already lit another cigarette and the stick perches between his lips.

"..tiring, ain't it, sweetheart?" leon coos, feigning pity for you, fingers clutched at your hips like its his favorite thing to hold. he started to thrust up into your sopping little cunt, pulling a weak mewl out of you. there might be nothing he loves more than watching your supple frame as it bounces atop him.

"mmm.. aww 's okay, baby.. leon's got you.. mhm, that's right." he responds to every quaint sob you make. his stamina was stubborn as he gradually shifted his pace.

"nice and quiet, baby... don't want th't fucker 'pierce hearin' you..." leon almost feels like a sick fuck, pretty lips grinning slightly as he moans. "god, fuuuuck... mmmhh... uh- f-fuck!" leon almost whines before giving you a harsh thrust, as if he were desperately trying to make you his cocksleeve. if you were going to take it so well then you shouldn't be surprised at how he's gonna force you down, and keep you in place while he sluts you out.

you're murmuring something, and the words fall like blabber to his ears.

leon smiles endearingly, as if he isn't fucking you stupid right now. "mhhh.. wanna cum? you wanna cum?" leon asks as he tries to make sense of what you're saying.

and you gulp, gasping through your watering voice. "w-wanna cumm.. give it t'me-"

he tries not to laugh.

"c'mon, let me make you cum... i'll make it feel good.." leon murmurs before you could feel him pound into you, a whine dripping like syrup from your voice. your body barely keeps up. you feel tight and it's making leon's head tilt back a bit. "oh, there you go, sweetheart... atta girl.." he mumbles hazily as his mind starts to get messy.

"like that? uhuh? mmmh?~" leon moans back almost mockingly at each pleasured whine that spilled your voice. you're mindlessly pawing at whatever you can reach on leon, turning him on with your helplessness. "takin' me nice and well-..." he growls as he starts to piston up into your cunt brutally. you look cuter when you're stuffed with leon's thickness, when you're crying on what you begged for.

"leon, c-cumming" you lolled out in a low moan, head leaning slightly. "i'm gonna cum.."

he responds with a groan, hips rocking upward as he feels you clenching around him. "go on, baby, give it to me. 'm right here,"

he has you shuddering when you cum, the vibrating sensation jolting to your brain as it reeled in pleasure. it takes a few shallow thrusts to keep you satisfied but it's hard to tell when you're already sniffling and twitching on top of him. you wipe your face as you draw a few breaths. leon reaches to warmly take your wrist, thumb pressing onto your skin, feeling your heartbeat.

he watches you gather your bearings before generously caressing your hair once. you help yourself off leon's shaft and a heavy-sounding breathe escapes him in wonder.

leon whispers something once he leans into you and chucks his half-dead cigarette into the ashtray. "c'mere.." his one arm tucked around your back and eventually the other to your leg as he makes you lie down. he treats you with some sort of delicacy, at least until he doesn't.

leon tugs you closer with his arm hooked loosely under your knee, pulling your princess body in for a few intimate kisses to calm the both of you. he tastes mildly bitter. you hummed in his mouth when your lips lock together, eyes fluttering while you felt weak. leon starts muttering as he asks if anything hurts, if you're okay, if you're gonna stay here for the night. for a moment he doesn't say anything and he's just gazing down at you languorously while he breathes. he kisses one of your eyelids before he shifts.

maybe leon liked you better like this, on your fours, limping against the satin bedding as you cried and panted in a way that seemed like suffocation. his thick fingers tug at your hair once, your only teary view being the couch and the TV that dimly mirrored a reflection of you being held down be leon as he rammed into your dribbling hole tenderly. your legs occasionally kicking up against him, hitting him with your ankles as you found it hard to not writhe. he watches you peek over your shoulder, the expression in your eyes instigating struggle. "what?" leon tugs at your hair again, fighting the toothy smile from his face as he fucked you brainless. "didn't think i could make a whore out of you?"

leon lets go of your hair to rut into you with urgency. the bed was starting to jut out small squeaks from leon's rhythm. he leans closer, chewing on his lip as his eyes narrowed in pleasure. a soft growl emanates from behind you, skin on skin, breathing near your ear. the rough hands that were once planted near yours on the mattress start to grip your forearms like handles. he watches your back contort.

you jolt up as leon yielded you to his body, impaling you with his girth in a routinely fashion, urging you to cry louder. "oh, baby.." he whimpers lowly as he starts to feel himself lose control again.

"fuck, i can't.." you wail out, head hanging low briefly. he notices.

"ready to pass out, honey?" he pants softly.

you weakly shook your head.

"good girl." leon bit his bottom lip, whispering out a needy 'fuck' as he slammed into you while pulling you back. he felt satisfied by the way you yelped. his brows furrow, expression tainted with a lustful and crude color as he almost began to drool. brown strands started to get in the way of his vision. his breath is suddenly hitched, water lining his eyes as his voice turned up a note. he hisses, head tilting to the side. "fuck, fuck,-" his gruff words start to match with his thrusts. "take it- all-, yes, baby, that's a good- fucking- mnnnghh..."

it takes leon a while to recover, moaning lowly and riding his orgasm, watching you spasm beneath him while he spills inside you without much restraint. he tiredly fucks his load in you before he gives out and huffs a spent whine. he catches a glimpse of it. you're leaking white.

you're breathless, fatigued, sweating, and almost thoughtless as you catch some oxygen back in your lungs. you could feel yourself pulsating around his twitching shaft as waves of pleasure traveled your burning body. his arms loosen of their sensual hold before they catch you, pulling your weary form down to spoon with you momentarily. you can feel each other inhaling. exhaling.

a phone rang. it wasn't yours, you could tell by the ringtone. your eyes flit to see pierce's name on a default iphone screen. "i need a drink." leon exhales roughly, leaning over to kiss the shell of your ear before he reached for the bedside table to grab for his phone. he slipped out of the sheets with his phone on his ear.

[chaoskirin]

Today, While I was in the middle of typing an email, Microsoft Outlook 365 popped up a window demanding feedback. And boy did I have shit to say.

I had to keep the swearing out, because apparently any report I make is duplicated and sent to the IT department. But the text I ended up sending follows:

---

God, I have so much to tell you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity. First: Stop messing with everything. Outlook works fine, but you keep changing things that don't need changing. Moving buttons around. Turning on features that I have explicitly turned off for not working before. Just today, you turned on the auto-suggestions again, which would be great if it actually worked. Instead, when it suggests anything you don't accept, it just mashes words together. Do you know how it feels to be typing a professional email and you miss one of those failures and send your email anyway? I mean, to be fair, I caught ten, so I still got a 90% on the ol' Microsoft-sanctioned-typo-factory. But the person I emailed doesn't see it that way, do they? They see that I mashed three words together like there was a wasp on the space bar.

Plus, my signature keeps getting deleted. Not just switched to nothing, but completely deleted. Which means I have to re-make that every time your developers get bored and decide to re-haul a program that absolutely never needs re-hauling. I remember once a couple months ago the attachment button just disappeared, and there was no way for me to attach a final bill. I had to actually use my personal gmail address to send an email to a customer because for about 16 hours, it was impossible to attach anything.

But, you say, I should have sent error reports. And I did. But the question in my mind always comes back to "why are you messing with something that does not need changing?" The only thing that ever happens is that you change aesthetics. Colors. This time the boxes are gone. Do you think you're at risk of losing customers? Do you think you have to keep things new and fresh? No. People are shackled to you. You have a quasi-monopoly and a stranglehold on a whole lot of workflows. People cannot leave you. In the world of word processing and spreadsheets, you are Alcatraz. You don't have to change things to keep people here.

Instead, long-time bugs continue to plague everything I do within this hell-suite of software. Sometimes when I try to start typing in the body of the email, outlook decides that, no, I don't want to type an email! I want to send the other emails in my inbox to the archive, where, if I don't notice this, they will sit and fester forever. There's also the bug where I create an email and it duplicates it and puts it in my drafts. Or the bug where it just creates a blank email and puts it in my drafts. Do you want to know how many blank emails I've deleted from my drafts folder? There are not enough numbers in existence to count this.

If you REALLY want to know how to improve Outlook and this message isn't just going into the wilderness like all those notebooks from the hit-TV-show-where-nobody-liked-the-ending, LOST, then please. Listen. From the bottom of my heart and from the top of my lungs: Stop changing everything. Nothing needs changing. Just run a good service. Get your programmers onto fixing longstanding bugs instead of trying to make an email and scheduling program look like a fashion show in Paris.

And if I seem a little ticked off in this message, it's because your request for feedback popped up in the middle of me compiling an email, which was just about halfway done. Outlook, in all its wisdom, decided that I didn't actually need that email and went ahead and deleted all the text in it. All of it. So after I finish giving you an earful, I'm going to have to retype it.

Hope this helps. Have a wonderful day.

[howlingday]

RUBY ROSE RANKING: BUGS

Ruby: Hi, guys! I hope you're ready for another ranking, because we've got some bugs to choose from. Today's gonna be a good day!

Ants

Ruby: Honestly? C. I don't like them, but I can't fault them for being who they are. Like, it's annoying how many there are, but they're also kind of the baseline bug. Somebody says bug, and it's either them or flies you think of. They're a C if you're outside, maybe a little lower if they crawl on you, BUT THEY ARE A FUCKING F IF I FIND THEM IN MY HOUSE! FUCK YOU! KNOW YOUR FUCKING PLACE!

Bees

Ruby: S. Hands down. Like, I used to be afraid of them, like we all were, but- Come on, guys. If a bee is coming at you it's because YOU fucked with it somehow, and you have to own up to it. Let's be real. Plus, it's hard to be mad at them after seeing that video of them landing. We've all seen it. They crash into the ground and stumble around like they've got a concussion. They're little idiots and I love them.

Beetles

Ruby: Mm... A. No, wait, S! They're so awesome! They're those kinds of bugs that you see them, you don't freak out because they are so badass and you wanna pick them up. And then you have a friend. Really. Beetle? Friend!

Butterflies

Ruby: Below ants. D. Real talk, the caterpillar should have stayed the way it was. Butterflies are- They suck. Some of you are saying they're harmless, but it's not about being harmless. It's about being trash, which butterflies...

Moths

Ruby: ...and moths....

Cicadas

Ruby: ...and cicadas- No, wait, fuck cicadas especially! Noisy little losers! I was gonna be nice, but, no, they get an F. If you're a bug with wings that's not a bee, you're going into the D pile. Unless you're a cicada...

Wasps

Ruby: OR THIS ASSHOLE!

Flies

Ruby: OR THIS ASSHOLE! FUCK ALL YOU FLYING FUCKERS!

Caterpillars

Ruby: Caterpillars~! S~! ...Wait, no. No, I've seen the way you guys hurt plants. A. It's cute until it isn't.

Cockroaches

Ruby: ...C for Cock. I'll be honest, I haven't really had any problems with cockroaches because I don't get them in my house. It's just a bug to me. I don't have infestations because I don't live in a fucking trash heap.

Grasshoppers

Ruby: These guys? B. Just don't jump into my house. Or my face.

Ladybugs

Ruby: I would say B, but I've cleaned up too many of these assholes to put them any higher than C. Sure, they're fun-looking, but when you have to clean up after their corpses every fucking year- And people who live in areas with a lot of ladybugs will get what I mean! Just pull back the curtains one day and there they are. THOUSANDS of dead ladybugs!

Mantis

Ruby: A. They're cool, but they're too noodly. It's not S for a reason.

Mosquitos

Ruby: I would put you in F, but to be honest, I don't even want to put you on the board. Like, people are arguing whether or not we should band together to ban YOU. And the only thing holding us back is how important you are to your ecosystem. You're not a bug. You're a freak, and F would be way too generous for you. TRASH. Bottom tier!

Snails

Ruby: SNAIL~! How'd you get on the list~? Oh, who cares?! Instant S~! You're always welcome in my tier list~!

Spiders

Ruby: S. Spiders don't scare me. Wait, no, A. They're cool, but they're very inconsiderate about where they put their webs so they don't make you swipe at your face and go SPSPSPSPSP! Every summer in the garage. A.

Stick Bugs

Ruby: Who's this little idiot? Stick bug? Who is this? Eh. B. You're only here because people like you enough, and that's why you're above C. Sorry. All you have going for you is being in a meme people like. You don't do anything for me except distract people from the real hero of the story, the BEES, and- You're pathetic. You're nothing. No talent!

Worms

Ruby: ...Gonna be honest, I feel bad when I see a worm. Not a big fan of worms. The only time I see worms is when they're dead OR when they're dying. Stay in the dirt where you belong! Knowing you exist without seeing you? A. If I see you ever? F! I'll meet you in the middle and put you at a C. That's fair, right?

[felinelord-bowbeforemepeasant]

Something that been on my mind

Warning: there maybe some grammar mistake in this cause english isn't my first language and also iam not an analyst or theorists or anything is just that I just want to get this out of my mind

The new bsd manga cover is out and I just realized something

The upside down pose of atsushi and if I remember correctly what happened in volume 21 is equivalent to "sh*t is going down" and if iam right then volume 24 is a manga cover for chap 105 to 109 (unless there another chapter coming out but it will be in September so i just gonna put it like that) also equivalent to "things are turning to the worse" kinda like volume 21.

I'm not an analyst or anything but it will be great for someone to do an analysis on this

It just atsushi is being upside down in the volume manga cover lately and there have to some hint for it cause harukawa art always have meaning or some parallel for something

Also if I remember correctly there are a tarot mayoi card for atsushi and his cards is the fool

(Credit the art to the game bungou lost tales)

I remember someone already did an analysis on this card so I'm just gonna link it later

So here is the meaning of the fool

- UPRIGHT: (new) beginnings, freedom/free-spirited, adventure, travel, originality, innocence, foolishness, carelessness, idealism, youth, spontaneity, lack of commitment.

- REVERSED: recklessness/risk-taking, carelessness, negligence, stupidity, distraction, apathy, irrationality, lack of fun/hope/faith, holding back.

With what is going on in the manga and atsushi upside down pose in the new manga volume I gonna go with the reversed one

The lack of fun/hope/faith are what is currently happen in right now in the manga and the holding back thing is kinda related to how atsushi have to hold back so he can't hurt akutagawa (it in chapter 108) i guess but the other I'm not so sure

Like I say I'm not an analyst it just when I see the new manga cover my thought just spiraled to this

And here is the link to the analysis about the tarot mayoi card

We also need someone to talk about this too

(Credit the art to harukawa sango)

This is the new illustration art of harukawa and the first thing that I notice is why fukuchi scar is yellow the same color of atsushi eyes and fukuchi scar here is like a claw mark however maybe it was just a scar when he was fighting with the ability experiment "werewolves" or the semi-immortal ability user "wasp" (it in chapter 82) but why the claw scar is yellow and atsushi eyes is also yellow here so that gonna mean something

I also see a post talking about this too

And here

Also I hope that you guys still remember that the DOA still have the page right

And they gonna write on the back of the page at the next full moon

(I don't know what time it is in the current chapter but I guess it not the day of the full moon yet)

The real question is why DID they chose the next full moon they could have chose any day but why (I did see some questions about this too)

Now what are the thing about full moon that we are all know about

Yep that's right atsushi ability

I also want to add this: "he was actually transforming into a white tiger under the moonlight due to his ability" (Credit to wiki)

And who is holding the page right now- yes is fukuchi

But is he really the one holding the page, I see some post point it out that the page is blank or quite clear like it didn't even have any word on it so we have another question it is really the page

We also see another person shroud by darkness and writing on the page

We don't know yet if this person is affiliated with doa or fyodor or they are someones that haven't been revealed yet or the creator of the book itself

So is the page that fukuchi holding is just a decoy(a fake page?) And the real one is being keep at somewhere else because it is something that are super valuable, and you can't just keep it on yourself all the time cause what if something unexpected happen

Does that mean that there are gonna be some connection revealed or an answer to some questions that have been unanswered or just a foreshadowing for something that gonna happen later in the manga

I guess we just have to wait though cause I remember a translate of a interview with asagiri and he say that doa arc is not the end and there are going to be a "order of the clock tower" arc but I'm not sure.

(And also resolve some mystery about atsushi cause he have so many hole in his backstory and there so many question about him that haven't been answer)

P.S: I want to write more about it but my mind just got overload-like I was having a very bad headache and my eyes feel kind of sleepy

Also did I do this analysis (theory) post as the same time as the the other one- yes (you know what maybe that the reason why i was having a headache i mean doing both analysis(theory) at the same time can leave you quite tired), do I really need a break- yes...maybe it just I have so many to do right now and I really want to but my mind just blank so yeah I might take a break

[dovedewdrop]

One Number Away (Joel’s POV)

I'm one number away from calling you

I said I was through, but I'm dying, inside

Got my head in a mess, girl, I confess

I lied when I said, "I'm leaving and not coming back" / 1.3k

✨Part 1✨ ✨Part 2✨

A/N: My sincerest apologies for the wait! Thought I'd switch it up and give you all a lil look at the inside of Joel's brain😊 Also I just got back from staying in a cabin for a week and its been giving me soft cowboy!Joel thoughts so if anyone would care to grace my inbox with any thoughts on that...👀🤠🤎

Warnings: Joel being a saddie. Angst.

---

Joel thought being alone would be better. He didn’t need distractions or people depending on him anymore, he’d only let them down anyway. So when you left with Tommy he thought he’d feel lighter, now that there was a weight off his shoulders, but as it turns out, the hunch over his shoulders only pushed him down further. 

Everywhere he went he felt the cold at his back, seeping into his bones, reminders of having lost Sarah and how he pushed you and his own brother away. He tried to move on, to tell himself that all of those things were in the past and he had to focus on the next thing, focus or get himself killed but the sting of his losses were written all over him for everyone to see.

Even Tess knew that he wasn’t for her, that his heart belonged to someone else and always would, so she held him at night “for warmth” and made him breakfast and poured him whiskey under the guise of friendship, hoping that one day he’d maybe see her.

For 20 years Joel sat in his guilt and anger, he let it seep through every fibre of his being, he may not be infected by cordyceps, but he was affected in a different way. Not that he was ever the most happy-go-lucky guy in Austin but he had love for his family and that made him smile and laugh and joke around, now there was nothing to laugh about. 

That is, until he met Ellie.       

It took him so long to warm up to her, every time he looked at her he thought about you and Sarah, he told himself that the baby you were carrying wasn’t just a miscarriage but a foreshadowing of what was to come, how it would be all his fault. Everyday spent with Ellie triggered a fountain of emotions for him, he told himself that he shouldn’t be trusted to look after her, then the next day he’d tell himself that this was his chance to make things right, to protect her like he couldn’t protect Sarah. His inside of his head resembled that of a wasps nest, thoughts always buzzing and swarming in his mind with no chance of respite, but when Ellie cracked that one joke it did, in fact, have him laughing, his mind began to quiet, and he had to admit that it was nice to not always be filled with tension.

As they crossed the country together he found his thoughts sometimes drifting to you, wondering for the most part if you were still alive. If you were, were you happy? Happy to be free of him? Happy to maybe start a new life with someone else? Or were you constantly walking through this life being traumatised? Something he knew you didn’t deserve and especially not from him. He thinks about how you were always there for him and how in the end he took your kindness and stomped all over it in those big boots of his.

When he saw you in Jackson he couldn’t do anything. He was overjoyed to see Tommy but as soon as he saw those eyes of yours, the ones that overflowed with tears the last time he saw you, he was physically rooted in place whilst mentally his mind was running a hundred miles an hour.

He watched as you walked off before turning to Tommy with a sombre look on his face. “I don’t know why I didn’t expect to see her here”, his brother didn’t know how to respond to him, as much as he was happy to see Joel, he stood firm on the fact that he had some grovelling to do. “Thank you for keepin’ her safe” The look in Joel’s eyes was genuine before he headed off in the direction of Ellie to help her with her things.

The sight of both you and Tommy after 18 years is what really took the weight off his shoulders, despite the incessant buzzing starting to creep back in. The collection of doubts begun to swirl around his brain, she doesn’t want to see you, she wouldn’t accept your apology if you gave her one, and would you blame her? He wanted so desperately to talk to you, to pull you close to his chest again, to kiss the top of your head but you were both different people now and he couldn’t ask any of those things of you.

So after his tiff with Tommy he couldn’t resist treading the snow to your house after you’d let out a snide remark. The pit in his stomach told him it was a bad idea, he was already riled up and he didn’t want to let you see that he was still an asshole, sometimes and besides, you don’t need him, you have a new life here, a better life without him, so it was better if he kept his distance. 

However, before he even knew what was happening the words were tumbling out of his mouth and into the cold air, condensing it with a fog, “You…got a boyfriend?” He clocked you rolling your eyes at him. Stupid. He shouldn’t have ever come over. And then you were chastising him, something you hadn’t done since before this whole thing started because somewhere along the way you became small and he hated himself for it every single day. 

He couldn’t help but take in your features, your soft lips, remembering the way you’d sometimes press them into his shoulder or your eyes, the way they lit up when you held the pregnancy test up to him from the bathroom floor. 

He wanted to know what was on your mind even though he doubted you would tell him and he was right, you weren’t answering him and that was all the confirmation he needed that you weren’t interested in engaging with a man who was now pretty much a stranger to you all over again. He had to walk away, for today at least, he was tired, the day had been long and he was emotionally all over the place.

But when you spoke up and confessed everything to him, he had stopped in his tracks and the tears were one blink away from creating a stream over the planes of his face. He couldn’t let you see the inner turmoil he was going through, he wanted to run to you to, to wrap you up in his arms and never let you go again but he also didn’t trust that he was fixed, that he was cured of his anger and his traumas.

In a panic, he simply pushed out a “see ya around.”

The following few days were hard for Joel. The buzzing had returned full-time and he was feeling antsy, sometimes snapping at Ellie and feeling immediate guilt. He was working on it. However, when Saturday came around he couldn’t help it, he’d held it together for so long, when you left he’d only slipped up once, the scar on his temple a constant reminder of that.

He’d been watching you watch him and Ellie put the decorations on their Christmas tree, his heart feeling tight, because you should be here with him and Sarah and your little one, who wouldn’t be so little anymore. He’d found himself in the pub at 7:30pm that Saturday evening, downing his drinks and letting his eyes drift towards you, he knew he wasn’t helping himself but he was at a loose end, with no idea what to do with himself anymore.

The next morning he felt rough, he’d cried and cried and cried into his pillow for the majority of the night after Tommy had left him, his fist sometimes slamming down on the pillow lying next to him, before chastising himself mentally, he wouldn’t do this if you were lying next to him, he wouldn’t even be pissed out of his mind if that was the case. He brewed his morning coffee and dragged himself onto the porch, not surprised to see you sat on yours at all. He slumped down into a chair and rubbed at the bridge of his nose, he had to figure this out, decide what he was going to do.