#atsushi is quite sus | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

illegal-spiegel · 2 years ago

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You Take My Breath Away

Pairing: Dazai Osamu x gn!reader (x Chuuya Nakahara)

Genre: Fluff?, angst, hurt/comfort?

Warnings: this fic contains dark content. if you don't like that, please keep scrolling and dni. S2 spoilers, strangling (bloodshot and swollen eyes, bruised and sore throat, can't speak, etc.), murder/death, throat slitting, blood, Dazai is overly protective ig, toxic behavior overall, typical su!cide mention from Dazai

Summary: Dazai gets protective over you when you get hurt, on more than one occasion, and takes matters into his own hands to make sure they never hurt you again.

WC: 7.5k

Read on AO3!

You giggle like a schoolgirl as Dazai tickles your sides, your face starting to hurt from how hard you’ve been smiling. That always seems to happen to you when Dazai is around. “Quit it!” you squeal, smacking at Dazai’s hands.

Dazai only seems to chuckle and continue his evil acts against you. “Say the magic words!” he bargains.

“Never!” you shout, leaning away from him and bumping into Atsushi who is sitting right beside you. He doesn’t seem to mind it though, he just watches you both with a fond smile on his face. “Atsushi! Help!” you cry, tears lining your eyes the longer and harder you laugh.

“No one can save you now! You’re at my mercy!” Dazai shouts back, waiting for you to say the magic words that will rid you of his tickling.

And listen. You tried to hold out, you really did! But you’ve known Dazai for more than seven years now and he knows all your most ticklish spots by now.

“Okay! Okay!” you concede. He slows his fingers but doesn’t stop them. “Dazai is the most handsome, funniest, smartest guy ever, and I smell like rotten eggs!” As soon as you finish, Dazai lets up. He stays hovering above you though from where you leaned away from him, a soft smile on his face.

“Awe, you really think so?” he coos, fluttering his lashes at you.

“No,” you wheeze, holding your poor, aching sides. “I mean yes! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” you screech, a scared laugh escaping you when he threatens to tickle you again.

“Hm. That’s what I thought,” he says as he sits properly in his seat.

You pant as you sit up straight as well, waving your hand at Atsushi as an apology. Then again, the little traitor didn’t even try to help you. “The train is sure taking a while,” the white-haired man suddenly comments. You hum, pushing your hair out of your face as you nod in agreement.

You raise a brow as Dazai suddenly stands up, face blank and serious. “There’s an urgent errand I need to carry out,” he announces, staring out at the tracks in front of him.

“What is it?” Atsushi asks with great urgency, seemingly nervous. You can’t help but smirk. You’d bet every last penny you own that Dazai is about to say some dumbass shit.

“I need to use the bathroom!” he cries, hands going over his crotch as he starts to do a peepee dance. Atsushi’s face falls as he stares at the higher-up, unbelieving he just said that. You only end up cracking up, laughing as you watch him dance in one place. It makes your sides ache but in the best way possible.

“Well? What are you waiting for? Permission?” you tease, smirking at the man. He continues to stare you down as he dances from foot to foot faster and faster. You snort and roll your eyes. “Okay, go,” you say playfully, waving him off.

“Thank you!” he cries, zooming away. “Ah! I’m not gonna make it!” This causes you to snort again. You don’t know why he insisted on holding it for so long then. You look over at Atsushi and only laugh harder at how bewildered he looks.

“You’ll get used to it eventually,” you reassure him, patting him on the back. He turns to look at you now, giving you a small smile.

“I always thought Dazai was so cool and mysterious…but…” You raise a brow when he trails off, jumping to conclusions.

“But he’s a bit of a dumbass?” you guess, chuckling. Atsushi goes tense, nervous about referring to his higher-up in such a way, especially since it seems that Dazai has ears everywhere. He glances at the way Dazai went before slowly nodding his head with a laugh of his own.

“Yeah, something like that,” he agrees, his chuckles dying down when you both hear the train whistle a bit a ways. “Hey, can I ask you something?” he suddenly asks.

“Yes, I’ll help you hide a body, but only if you killed them with good reason,” you respond, completely serious. At his flabbergasted look, you snort and nudge his arm with yours. “I’m kidding.” He relaxes. “Sort of.” You laugh when he tenses up again, his body relaxing when he realizes you’re just messing with him again. You and Dazai love pulling pranks on him together.

Speaking of…

“How long have you and Dazai been dating?”

Your laughter instantly dies and you feel choked up all of a sudden. “Wait what-”

“I mean, I figure it’s been a while. You two share your affection so openly and he’s always going on and on about you-”

“Wait what-”

“So I was just curious how long it’s been. You two seem really happy together.”

At the last part, any reply you had ready to go suddenly dies on your tongue. You two seem really happy together. What the fuck are you supposed to say to that? You two aren’t even talking talking, let alone dating. Where did Atsushi get an idea like that? Have the others said something? Or is this a prank that Dazai is pulling on him and forgot to let you in on it?

Before you can think of a response though, the train is arriving. You sigh in relief as you two both stand up and walk towards the train, looking left and right for Naomi and Haruna.

“Haruna, Naomi!” you hear Atsushi shout. You turn to look at him before looking past him to see the two girls. You sigh in relief a second time, a smile coming to your face. Thank goodness. “Are you alright?” he asks when you get close enough to them.

“We are. I never thought they’d come after the clerks in the office,” Naomi responds with a warm, relieved smile.

“At least you’re safe now!” Atsushi says brightly.

“Yeah, I’m glad you’re alright,” you agree, giving the girls a smile to which they return. “We’re gonna escort you both to the extraction point,” you add on.

“Oh! I wanted you to meet someone!” You raise a brow at this, turning to look towards the train when Naomi motions towards it and turns to face it. “We got to know each other a little on the train.” With that, a small child comes walking out, holding a creepy doll. You raise a brow when he bumps into Atsushi and just starts laughing. Someone needs to teach this kid some manners…

Your brows furrow when the kid suddenly turns and rolls up their sleeve to show off…

What is that?

Are those…razor blades taped to his arms? Alarm bells immediately start going off in your head. Something isn’t right here.

“Wanna play a game?” the kid suddenly asks, a maniac grin on his face.

Before you could respond, Atsushi starts mumbling to himself. You turn to look at him, finding his eyes are leaking what appears to be blood. “Atsushi?” you say unsurely, reaching out toward him.

“You mentioned before that you came here to protect me…” Dazai says unsurely, trying to put the pieces together. When things suddenly click into place, he gasps before spinning to face the way he came. “Dammit!” he shouts before taking off. “No, no, no! Fuck!” he hisses, running back to you two.

He swears, if Q has done anything to yo-

He comes around the corner only to find you being dangled in the air, Atsushi holding you up by your throat while growling and grunting. Dazai lets out a growl of his own as he sprints toward the man. He’s not thinking clearly. What should he do?

He dashes past the two other women who seem to be harmed but overall fine. He wraps his arm around Atsushi’s throat and presses heavily on his windpipe. Now that he’s closer, he can see that your eyes are bloodshot and they’re starting to roll back into your head. How long has he been holding you like this? Why aren’t you using your ability? Do you not want to hurt Atsushi?

To his horror, Atsushi ignores Dazai and continues to strangle you. Dazai doesn’t want to hurt him since he knows it isn’t actually him, but he’s running out of options. His eyes flicker this way and that way looking for a solution.

This is when his eyes spot the doll.

Dazai quickly lets Atsushi go before bolting toward the hideous toy, picking it up, and instantly screaming, “Ability: No Longer Human!” His power surges through the toy and he turns to find Atsushi snapping out of it. He gasps as he lets you go, your body hitting the ground hard. Atsushi grasps at his throat where Dazai had choked him.

Dazai barely looks at him though as he hurries over to you. He lifts your body to cradle you in his lap, brushing your hair out of your face and his hands ghosting the marks on your neck. “(Y/n)?” he whispers, his whole frame shaking as he clutches you close.

You let out a wet, ragged cough before slowly blinking your eyes open, tears cascading down your cheeks. “I-” you try to force out, but it seems you can’t make any further noise.

“Shh, don’t try to speak. You might damage your vocal cords further,” he advises. He lifts his head and does a quick survey of the area. The other two ladies are indeed fine. Hurt, but fine.

But where’s Q?

“Your new friends are so fragile, Mr. Dazai!” he whips his head around to find Q smiling at him on the train as it starts to shift forward. “But don’t worry! What I really look forward to is breaking you–whether that be through you directly or your new love here!” Q giggles and continues to grin at him maniacally. “Remember how you made me suffer? Soon you’re going to feel that pain, Mr. Dazai!”

“And instead of capturing you next time and showing you mercy by simply ripping your heart out, I’ll torture you slowly and painfully until you're begging me to kill you,” he responds darkly with a sinister expression. Q had his mouth open to respond but goes quiet, eyes wide. He wasn’t expecting such a terrifying response for some reason. They stare at each other as the train takes Q further and further away.

You’ve never seen Dazai so angry before and you don’t even know why he’s so mad. The world sounds like it’s underwater, or like you have cotton stuffed in your ears. He isn’t mad at Atsushi, is he? It wasn’t his fault. You need to tell him that.

You reach up and loosely grip the lapel of his coat, weakly tugging on it as you try to speak. All that comes out though is breathy whines and wheezes, words unable to be formed. He turns to look at you, his grip suddenly tightening on you. “Shh, I know. It’s okay. I’ve got you. It’s all over. Everything’s alright. I’ve got you,” he whispers, pressing his forehead to yours. You close your eyes, the last of your tears falling down your cheeks. He pulls back when you suddenly go slack in his arms, his eyes widening a tad when he realizes that you’ve passed out. He sighs and closes his eyes for a moment, cradling you close to his chest. That was close, too fucking close.

“I'm such a screwup.” Dazai opens his eyes and turns to look over at Atsushi, finding the man crying as he stares at the marks blooming on your neck. “That should be me, not them. I shouldn’t even be alive. I don’t deserve to be alive…”

Dazai doesn’t know why, but hearing him talk like that angers him further. Yes, it should be him hurt instead of you. It should be Dazai. It should be any of them but you. You should never be hurt. You weren’t even supposed to come with them today.

Dazai watches for a moment as Atsushi pathetically cries and blubbers on about who knows what. Dazai slowly and gently sets you down on the concrete before moving in front of Atsushi. “Atsushi,” Dazai grunts, frowning down at the man.

Atsushi lifts his head, his eyes red from his crying. Before Atsushi could even blink, Dazai is slapping him across his face. Hard. “Pull it together. They wouldn’t want you talking like that,” he mumbles before instantly turning back to you. They need to get you back to HQ stat.

* When you wake up, you feel like your throat was run over by a motorcycle. And then they reversed over it again just to make sure they got the job done. Your hands shakily come up to gently clutch your throat, your vision a little blurry until you blink a few times. Even then though, things are still a little blurry out of one of your eyes.

You try to move your head only to be met with pain in your neck. You slowly take a deep breath, finding it a little hard to breathe, before trying again. You take your time in sitting up, making sure not to move your head or neck too much. Your eyes go wide when you see a head of brown hair on your bed, and a chair keeping him close. You smile and slowly reach over to card your fingers through his hair.

You barely get to do so though since he’s suddenly springing up. You gasp and rear your hand back from the shock, hissing when it causes you pain. “You’re awake! Woah! Stop! Okay!” he screeches, going into panic mode when he sees your face contort into one of pain. You weakly laugh, it sounding nothing like your usual laugh. This one is all scratchy and hoarse, your throat sore and dry. Your laughter quickly stops when it becomes too painful.

“Wait! Okay! Everyone remain calm!” he continues to shout even though you two are the only ones in the room and he’s the only one panicking. You smile hard. “You want some water? Never mind, you need to drink some. You’ve been out for a while.” And with that, he’s zooming off to assumedly get you some water.

You’re not alone long before he’s back, offering you a glass of water with a stick poking out of it. You take the stick out to see a sponge at the end of it. At your bewildered look, Dazai explains, “Akiko said that you might not be able to drink very well, so the sponge will give you smaller amounts to drink and make it easier to swallow.” You smile at him and nod your head before starting to do just that. Your throat aches with each swallow, but the water feels good.

Dazai suddenly grabs something from the desk beside you and sets a notepad and pen in your lap. “I want you to use this instead of trying to talk, okay?” he says softly, hand resting on top of yours for a moment before letting go. You nod your head and hand him the water before picking up your pen.

Where’s Atsushi + the others? They okay?

You hold up the notepad for him to see, watching his eyes flicker over the words. His face hardens for a moment, just a split second, before relaxing again. He huffs out a laugh as he says, “Of course that’s the first thing you say.” He shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah, they’re alright. They’re all resting. It was a crazy day.” You nod your head, letting out a small sigh. Is Atsushi really okay? “You can see them soon enough. Akiko and I agreed that you need your rest and shouldn’t have any visitors until you’re better.”

You raise your brow at this. Then why are you here mister? You turn the notepad for him to see, smirking at him. Your smirk only grows when you see some color come to his cheeks and his eyes shift away from you completely.

“I’m your hot nurse, of course. All patients need one,” he replies playfully. Despite his joke, your chest flutters at his kindness. You smile softly as you reach out to him, setting your free hand over his. He instantly flips his hand over to properly hold your hand, weaving your fingers together. “Besides, I told you that you can’t die without me. You’re the only one I’ll commit double suicide with,” he jokes further, smirking at you now.

You let out a weak laugh and roll your eyes. Typical Dazai.

It didn’t take long for you to be up and out of bed. Everyone knows that you never stay down for long, even if you have the worst injuries of them all. You hate being bedridden, especially when something like this is going on.

Currently, you’re looking over some files of what’s been going on while you were out of commission. The Guild are some serious bad guys, and that’s coming from someone who used to be a part of the-

“I really don’t feel like working.”

You lift your file a bit to look down into your lap where Dazai has made himself home. His face is smushed into your tummy and his butt hangs high in the air. You smile at the position. He’s such a dork.

“Are you seriously going to mope around like this the whole morning?” You look up to find Kunikida there. You smile up at him and his hard expression relaxes when he sees your cheery face. “Good morning, (Y/n). How are you feeling?”

“Right as rain, Kida!” you greet. At your chipper voice, Dazai whines and wiggles his ass in the air.

“Any other time I’d be up for having this conversation with you, but not now, please,” he whines, shoving his face further into your body.

“What happened to the energetic young hero who just helped save this town from the brink of destruction?” Kida asks in a monotone, crossing his arms over his chest with a sigh.

“Boss has me lined up for this new job and I don’t wanna,” Dazai cries, giving a fake sniffle, causing you to roll your eyes. Dazai continues to wiggle his ass in the air and you grin wickedly as you reach out to slap it. Dazai jumps with a yelp, turning his head a bit with his jaw dropped. “Kunikida! I didn’t know you felt this way,” he playfully purrs to the shocked man.

Kunikida’s cheeks go red as he huffs, his hands now placed onto his hips. “Is that the same one Atsushi and the boss were talking about yesterday?” he asks curiously, completely ignoring Dazai’s comment.

Before anyone can respond though, the boss man himself is suddenly appearing behind Kida. “Correct.” Dazai lifts his face to turn and look at him, grunting as he rolls over to face the two now, keeping his head in your lap.

“Good morning, sir,” Kida greets the older man, reminding you of a soldier in the army with the way he’s acting.

“Dazai, (Y/n),” he says, completely ignoring the man and causing you to pout. Always so serious and straight to the point. “What’s the status of that meeting with the Port Mafia?”

“I’ve made the arrangements,” Dazai reports. You smirk when you see Kida’s face go into shock, eyeing the three of you.

“Do you think their boss will come?” he asks.

“I’m sure he will,” you answer.

“It’s the perfect opportunity for him to kill you, after all,” Dazai adds, smirking a bit.

Fukuzawa closes his eyes for a moment and gives a slight nod. “I’d prefer that to having bloodshed amongst our people,” he says as he walks off. You sigh and look down at Dazai when he groans, discovering that you’ve been combing your hand through his hair the whole time. Oops.

“Hey, Dazai, (Y/n)...” Kida starts softly as Dazai whines and wiggles around in your lap like a child when you stop playing with his hair. “What’s the secret meeting with the Port Mafia all about?” Kida suddenly shouts, causing you to jump. Dazai simply rolls to a stop in your lap, overall seeming unbothered by the man’s raised voice. Typical.

“Well, I have to admit that our little Atsushi’s idea has really snowballed,” Dazai sighs, staring out the window.

“Since The Guild is now our biggest threat, it only makes sense for us t-” you start to explain before Kunikida suddenly cuts you off.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!” he shouts, speaking a mile a minute. “I’m totally lost here…” Kida admits, rubbing the back of his head. “First of all, why are you guys the ones arranging this meeting?” You open and close your mouth, unsure of how to answer. You tilt your head down to look at Dazai, finding him a bit wide-eyed. He turns to look at Kida now as if Kida should know the answer to that already.

“Because we used to be with the Port Mafia?”

Kida’s entire face goes blank with confusion and shock. “Huh?”

“Oh!” Dazai suddenly realizes, expression lighting up. “Did I not tell you that? My bad!” he hisses, giving him a ‘sorry’ look.

“What?” Kida shouts, making you flinch back a bit. These two are always such a rowdy bunch.

“Sorry we didn’t tell you sooner,” you apologize, giving him a sorry smile. He just blinks and stares at you stupidly, making your smile grow. Yeah, guess it is some pretty shocking information.

“You were in the Port Mafia?” he asks you, jaw completely unhinged. “Dazai I can actually understand. But you?”

“Hey!” Dazai whines with a pout.

You and Dazai come to a stop in front of the abandoned building. You place your hands on your hips as you look around you. “Well, this doesn’t seem suspicious at all,” you say sarcastically.

“Are you sure you should be here?”

You turn to look at Dazai, smiling over at him. “As I told you a hundred times before, I’m fine.”

“I don’t want you here…” Dazai mumbles, crossing his arms over his chest as he turns to face you.

“And who’s going to stop you from murdering Q as soon as you lay eyes on him?” you respond, sighing as you place a hand on Dazai’s chest and the other staying on your hip, feeling him relax under your touch. Chuuya probably wouldn’t give two shits.

Before he can respond, lights are suddenly cutting on around you. You turn to look at the lights, squinting at how bright they are. You raise a brow when you hear many guns being cocked, your hand falling from his chest as you turn to face your enemies.

“Pleasant evening, isn’t it?” Steinbeck asks, eyeing you from afar. “You even brought a date!” he teases Dazai. You remain expressionless as you study the two men in front of you. Are these guys serious? “Hm, seems our strategist has hit the nail on the head once again in predicting your movements,” he continues.

Dazai slowly turns to face them, a smirk resting on his lips as he watches them with amusement. “Figures it’d be a trap…”

You two stand side by side as you assess the situation in front of you. Now if only a certain someone would show u-

A rock comes soaring from the air and crashes into the crowd of men surrounding you, taking out a big chunk of their numbers. “About time…” you mumble, tilting your head back to look up into the sky as the redhead slowly floats down to the ground. You hear Dazai grumble angrily beside you as he runs a hand through his hair and tugs on it.

“Let me set one thing straight,” Chuuya starts as he stares down the enemy, hands resting on his hips, “(Y/n) is not Dazai’s date.” You huff and roll your eyes at the man. That’s what he has to say right now out of all things?

“Says who? Did you invite them here?” Dazai asks. Chuuya opens his mouth to answer him, but Dazai swiftly cuts him off. “No, I didn’t think so,” he sassily finishes. He sighs and tosses his head back. “Man, I knew there was a reason that today was gonna suck,” he mumbles. Ah, so it seems they didn’t fill Dazai in on this part of the plan. Probably a good idea, honestly.

“The hell?” Steinbeck suddenly shouts. “I never heard anything about this in the strategic forecasts!”

Just as Steinbeck starts to grow a plant from his hand to attack Chuuya, Dazai comes up behind him and touches his shoulder. “Sorry, I can’t let you do that,” Dazai sighs out, canceling the man’s ability.

“Gah! The canceling ability,” he huffs, sweat lining his forehead.

“This is such a drag,” Dazai groans, stomping his foot like a child. You giggle and bump his hip, causing him to almost fall over.

“At least you’re with me,” you coo playfully. At this, he instantly perks up and sighs dreamily.

“You’re so right, my beautiful (Y/n).” Your cheeks start to flush, but you’re pulled out of the mini moment by Chuuya.

“Hey! Stop flirting! We’re on a mission here!” Chuuya hollers as he flies into the air in front of Steinbeck using his ability and kicks the blond away from the three of you.

After this, Chuuya comes to stand at your other side, slipping his jacket off as he surveys the group around you. He drops it onto your head, to which you give an offended ‘hey!’ You smirk to yourself though as you start to slide it on.

“For crying out loud…this is the worst day I’ve had in years,” Dazai grumbles.

You brush off your hands as you follow the two men inside, Chuuya laughing at Dazai’s expense. “If the day comes when you two get along, I’ll know the world is ending,” you joke, starting to head down the staircase inside the building.

“What will you do on your last day on Earth?” Chuuya asks, throwing an arm over your shoulder. You turn to look at him, smirking as you lean into his space.

“Why? Got any good ideas?” you purr, bringing your face close to his. He sputters in surprise, opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water, unsure of how to respond. You cackle as you pull away and walk ahead of him, your laughter calming down when you find Dazai glaring at you both.

“I’ll have you know that if there was only one day left on Earth, (Y/n) would be spending it with me and we’d be having a great time,” Dazai scoffs, leading the way down the stairs. You bite your lip to try and contain your smile as you follow after him.

“Ha! As if they’d want to spend it with you of all people!” Chuuya laughs, pointing at him from behind you.

“Yeah? And why not?” Dazai fires back.

“Boys,” you warn, coming to a stop at the bottom of the stairs and turning back to look at them to find them glaring at each other. You huff, blowing hair out of your eyes.

You then turn to look into the dimly lit room, finding Q pinned to the tree with his doll sitting right beside him on the chair. “He’s here!” you announce, hoping that will distract them. Luckily for you, it does.

Also unluckily for you though, Dazai comes marching right down the stairs and heads right for Q with a murderous intent in his eyes. “Dazai!” you shout, grabbing ahold of his arm and using all your might to hold him back. “Stop it!”

“What’s with him?” Chuuya asks confusedly. He’s never seen the brunet so worked up before, especially over this. Is there something he doesn’t know?

“Just help me!” you screech at the shorter male.

Chuuya quickly jumps into action and grabs his other arm. “Hey, meathead! Would you cool it for a sec?” Chuuya shouts at the man.

To your relief, he lets up. To your disappointment, he turns his anger onto Chuuya. “No! Do you know what he did to them?” he shouts, backing the man up into the wall opposite from Q. You sigh as you rub your hand over your forehead.

“Dazai, enough-” you start. You go ignored though.

“No, I don’t know. Enlighten me,” Chuuya snaps. He reminds you of a cat who’s been backed into a corner and has its hair bristled.

“Chuuya! Don’t-”

“They almost died because of him, and I’ll be damned and sent right to hell if I let him get away with it,” he says lowly, fists shaking from the rage brewing inside of him. You walk over to the duo, setting your hand on Dazai’s back. You frown when instead of relaxing like he normally does, he only grows tenser under your touch.

“If you had to kill everyone who has almost killed me, half the population would be gone!” you exaggerate, trying to reason with him.

“Fucking good riddance then,” Dazai huffs, still eyeing Chuuya.

Chuuya silently stares up at him, debating his next words. “What happened?” he asks, eyes softening as he worriedly glances at you as if the attack just happened.

“They were almost strangled to death. They had bruises on their neck, eyes bloodshot and swollen, and they could barely swallow or breathe,” Dazai mumbles, eyes shifting down the ground as his knuckles become white with his grip. Your body goes tense at the recollection of what happened.

“I’m fine,” you reassure them both.

The room is silent for a moment after that, and Chuuya stares at you, at a loss for words. He’s relieved of trying to find the right thing to say though since Dazai is sighing and standing up straight. “Give me your knife,” he demands.

“Dazai-”

“Why?” Chuuya asks, hand resting where said knife is hidden.

“I’m going to kill the little bastard one way or another. Are you going to help me or not?” Dazai asks lowly, staring straight into Chuuya’s soul. Chuuya stares right back at him, going over his options. He slowly turns to look at you to find your rapidly shaking your head.

“Knock yourself out,” Chuuya says as he suddenly takes it out and tosses it to the younger man.

“Nakahara!” you hiss disappointedly, quickly reaching for the covered knife. You grab it at the same time as Dazai does, starting a power struggle with him over who gets the weapon.

“(Y/n), let go,” Dazai warns.

“No! This is the whole reason I came with you! To make sure you wouldn’t do something stupid like this!”

“Chuuya,” Dazai says, making your eyes go wide.

“No-” you start to argue, taking a step back from Chuuya as he comes towards you. “Chuuya, no!” you shout. You begin a power struggle with him now as he comes up behind you and grabs under your arms, preventing you from using them or getting away from him. “Chuuya, stop! Dazai, please!” you scream, struggling against the man.

They both ignore you as Dazai walks over to the kid who is still unconscious against the tree. “I’m surprised you’re helping me,” Dazai comments as he stops in front of the boy.

“My orders were to take him back alive, but hearing what he did to (Y/n)...” He pauses for a long moment. “I’d do anything for (Y/n)...” Chuuya confesses. “So, do what you want…”

“You aren’t doing this for me! You’re doing this against me!” you cry. You don’t know why you’re fighting so hard to save this kid’s life. Dazai’s right. He almost had you killed.

“Very well,” Dazai responds, ignoring your cries. “I will.”

“Osamu! Stop! Don’t do this! What would Oda say?” you scream.

This has Dazai pausing his raised hand, thinking over your words. You start to relax, glad you got through to him.

You go tense again though when his arm swipes in front of him in one fell swoop. Blood spurts from the new cut on the boy’s throat, covering the knife and Dazai in blood. You go limp against Chuuya, closing your eyes to prevent yourself from watching further as Q bleeds out from his sliced throat.

You shove Chuuya off of you just as he wraps his arms around you for a hug now. You shake your head as you head up the stairs, a frown heavily etched on your face. “(Y/n)...” you hear him mumble, following after you. You hear another set of steps follow you and Chuuya’s after a moment, and your body goes tense.

Just as you reach the entrance, something akin to a tentacle is wrapping around your throat. You cry out just as the tentacle silences you, picking you up and starting to throw you around like a ragdoll.

“(Y/n)!” you hear two sets of voices scream.

You’re suddenly thrown back to the moment when Atsushi was choking you. The anger in his eyes, the fear. You had no idea what was wrong with him other than the fact that he wasn’t acting like himself. He kept mumbling things, seeming to believe that you were the enemy. You couldn’t even use your ability against him, afraid that you’d hurt the poor man. That’s how you got into the situation.

Unlike Atsushi though, this bitch can face your wrath.

You use your ability against your opponent, causing him to grunt from the ground. You regain your ability to scream as you’re thrown into the building you came out of, the air leaving your lungs though as soon as you make contact. Feet pound towards you as they run at top speed, going from attacking the man to making sure you’re okay. You wheeze as you try to get your breath back, your hands holding your throat.

“(Y/n)!” Dazai shouts, collapsing to the ground beside you and cradling your face in his hands. You’re getting deja vu.

“Are you okay?” he asks worriedly, looking from between your eyes to down at your neck. He lets go of your face to move your hands to assess the damage to your neck.

“I’m fine,” you croak, gently pushing at his chest to get him to stop.

“Grantors of dark disgrace…” Chuuya begins to chant as he starts to slip off one of his gloves. As soon as you hear that first word, your eyes are going wide.

“Chuuya!” you shout, trying to gain his attention.

“Now you’ve done it,” Dazai singsongs, smirking to himself.

“Nakahara, stop!”

“You need not wake me again…” he finishes the chant before his ability is activated, red lines starting to appear all over his body.

“Shouldn’t have messed with our (Y/n),” Dazai continues to singsong without a care in the world. You punch his chest–receiving an “ow!” in response from him–as you stand up and move towards Chuuya.

“Nakah-”

Just before you reach him, he’s taking a step forward and causing a big crack in the earth around his feet, a gust of wind almost blowing you away.

“What am I even looking at right now…?” You turn to find Steinbeck leaning against a tree. Oh, so that’s where he went.

Before you can even blink, Dazai is coming up behind him and holding the bloody knife he used to kill Q up against the blond’s throat. “Want me to fill you in, worker bee?” Steinbeck gulps and turns his head a bit to look at Dazai over his shoulder. “That right there is the fully realized form of Chuuya’s gift. His corrupted form allows him to manipulate nearby gravitons, creating a black hole which swallows everything in its path. The drawback is he relinquishes control, attacking in a blind rage until he wastes away.” Dazai then pauses, the two men watching Chuuya attack the man-creature.

“And do you want to know why Chuuya is doing this?” he whispers into the man’s ear. You’re close enough to where you can hear them and you can see Steingbeck’s eyes flicker to you before Dazai even speaks. Steinbeck doesn’t even get to nod or verbally answer before Dazai is continuing. “Do you see the person right here with us? The beautiful one glowing under the light of the moon?” You tense when the attention is suddenly brought to you, your cheeks turning to fire at Dazai’s description of you.

Steinbeck tilts his head a bit and makes eye contact with you. You watch as his adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, a drop of sweat sliding down his temple. He gives a faint nod, eyeing you for a moment. “Well, your partner here made the mistake of hurting them. You know, this knife I have pressed against you right now is bloody because I just got done killing someone who harmed them. Then, not five minutes later, your partner goes and makes the same mistake and does something similar that someone had done to (Y/n) before.” He sighs and clicks his tongue while shaking his head from side to side. “People just never learn.”

“What does it matter if we hurt them or not? Y’all never got this worked up over other people!” Steinbeck mumbles, eyeing you warily as he speaks. He hisses when Dazai presses the knife even closer, a drop of blood gliding down his neck as Dazai presses the blade to his throat.

“Ah ah, that’s where you’re wrong,” he advises. He sets his head on the blond’s shoulder, also beginning to study you now. His eyes are completely different from Steinbeck’s though. Dazai’s hold what they always hold for you when he looks at you, no matter his mood, no matter the situation.

Adoration. Fondness. Love.

At least, you like to think it’s love.

“(Y/n) isn’t just anyone. We both love them, you see,” Dazai confesses, looking away from you to continue watching Chuuya. Your jaw completely drops at this, your heart suddenly going into overdrive. He can’t be serious. “Typically, I’d never say this out loud, let alone to the enemy. I don’t like people knowing my weaknesses, and neither does Chuuya,” Dazai continues his confession. “But, seeing Chuuya how he is right now, I doubt either of you will live for much longer,” he finishes his thoughts, picking his head up just as his partner figures out that he needs to attack the monster from the inside to defeat it.

He finishes with the man, blowing him to smithereens and almost blowing you away with it. Once the wind dies down, you open your eyes to find that Dazai has, once again, cut an enemy’s throat. You sigh and turn away, deciding you’ll deal with him later.

You quickly start running towards Chuuya as he manically laughs, watching as blood drips from his mouth and head. He starts to throw balls of energy around, causing small explosions when they land.

“Nakahara!” you scream as you near him. He suddenly freezes in place, the black hole he was forming in his hand dissipating at the sound of your voice. He turns around just as you launch yourself into his arms, hugging him tightly.

There are only two things that can snap him out of this. Dazai’s ability and you. Not your ability. You.

He’s stiff in your hold as you hug him, not back to himself yet. Your brows furrow when he pushes at your shoulders to get you to back up. Your eyes go wide when his lips are suddenly on yours, a gasp escaping you, to which he uses to his advantage to slide his tongue into your mouth. You taste the metallic of his blood, your hands pushing at his chest to no avail.

You gasp again when he’s suddenly forced away from you, Dazai holding his wrist as he activates his ability. “Bastard,” he growls, glaring down at Chuuya. “You’re lucky I don’t beat you to hell for pulling a stunt like that-”

“He can’t control himself. You know that,” you remind Dazai as you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand to clean Chuuya’s blood off of your lips.

“He kisses you every time! How is that an accident!” Dazai snaps, glaring down at the redhead as his red lines finish receding. Chuuya grunts as he falls forward, only being held up by Dazai’s grip on him.

You rush forward to catch him, letting him lean against you. “(Y/n)...” he mumbles into your collarbone.

“I’m here,” you whisper back, smacking Dazai’s arm to get him to let him go. Dazai glares at you but let's go, placing his hands into his pockets. Chuuya grunts and collapses into your arms completely. You grunt right back at his weight and quickly lower yourselves to the ground. You even take it a step forward and lay back, Chuuya’s head resting on your chest. “I got you…” you whisper, staring up at the starry sky. He lets out a pleased sigh before going utterly limp against you. The last thing you see is Dazai standing above you with a disapproving look on his face before you close your eyes.

When you wake up this time, it feels like deja vu again. You’re in the same room, in the same bed, with similar injuries, and with a worried brunet sleeping by your side. Only this time, he’s literally sleeping in the bed beside you instead of in the chair by the bed.

Your face is pressed into Dazai’s chest and you can tell he’s asleep by his slow breaths. You wonder how long you’ve been out. Has Dazai been asleep long or did he do that thing where he worries about you so much that he can’t rest until he knows you’re okay and then passes out from exhaustion?

Either way, you’re glad that you both were able to get some rest, even if it was accidental. You pull yourself back a bit to look up at him, noticing the few marks he has on him. Guess he didn’t get away scot-free either.

You look up at his messy bedhead and want to touch his hair so badly. You remember what happened last time and decide not to wake him. You slowly back up and sit up, letting out a heavy sigh as you run your hand through your dirty hair. You could use a shower.

Just as you’re about to get out of bed, a hand is grabbing your wrist, making you gasp. You swivel your head around to look at Dazai, only to find him seemingly still asleep. He looks like he’s asleep still, but you can tell he’s awake now. “Don’t leave me yet…” he mumbles, grip tightening on your wrist a tad. You sigh and lay back down, facing him and placing your arms between you both.

He moves his grip from your wrist to your hand, intertwining your fingers. He opens his eyes and finally meets yours, a weight lifting from your shoulders when you see his brown eyes. You give him a soft smile, watching as he returns the expression.

You watch as he opens his mouth, hoping he’s going to say something sweet and romantic. “Chuuya can suck it. I don’t see him sharing a bed with you,” he says with a pleased smirk. You scoff and let his hand go, rolling your eyes.

“You’re such a child.”

“Am not,” he argues with a pout.

“Are too,” you argue right back.

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Then so are you!” he fires back, smirking at you.

You open your mouth to retort before closing it again, squinting your eyes at the ex-mafia member. “Touché,” you cave, relaxing into the bed again. “But seriously, you two are like two friends fighting over your favorite toy,” you grumble. You purse your lips when he grabs ahold of your hand again.

“First of all, we aren’t friends-”

You snort. “Yeah, okay-” you respond sarcastically.

“Secondly,” he pauses, staring into your eyes, “You are our favorite toy.” He brings your hand to his face, kissing the back of it. “And I refuse to share,” he whispers decidedly, looking up from your hand to stare into your eyes with a determined look.

“Don’t call me a toy,” you decide to respond with, ignoring the rest of his words. You also ignore the way your heart flutters at how possessive he is over you. He chuckles at that, shifting in the bed to get closer to you.

“You started it,” he reminds.

“Did not,” you defend.

“Did too,” he coos, getting even closer.

“Did not,” you mumble, his nose touching yours.

“Did too,” he whispers, breath fanning across your face.

“Did-” your response is cut off by his lips meeting yours. You hum and lean forward, pressing your lips harder against his. His free hand comes up to cup your jaw, keep your head angled just right for him to kiss you.

“Don’t let him kiss you again,” he whispers once you two pull away.

“I’ll think about it,” you coo, winking at him. He glares at you, wrapping his limbs around you and clinging to you like a koala.

“Fine. You can’t ever leave this bed then.”

“Not even to pee?” you ask with a laugh.

“Nope.”

“What if I just invite Chuuya to this bed?” you argue with his logic.

“I’ll kill the ugly bastard if he even thinks about setting foot into this room,” he decides, making you laugh.

“Right, sure,” you say sarcastically, cuddling into him.

“I will!”

“Whatever you say, baby,” you concede, letting out a yawn.

“Did you just call me baby?” he asks.

You quickly close your eyes and let out a heavy breath, pretending to be asleep. “Hey,” he says as he pulls back a bit to look at you. “Hey! I know you aren’t asleep already!” he shouts, shaking you a bit. You whine and smack at his hands, burrowing closer to him and hiding your face in his chest. He huffs and lets your arms go to wrap his arms back around you. “You’re lucky you’re so damn cute,” he grumbles, pressing a kiss to your hairline. He rolls his eyes when he feels you smile into his chest. He knew you weren’t asleep.

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

MASTERLIST

More with Dazai

Join my discord server (I also have an 18+ one that is personal invite only. If you want access to that DM me!): https://discord.gg/qnDxJ6rr67

Special thanks to @celestair for being my super seggsy beta reader

Tag List: @nojamsss03, @katsuhera ✦ if you would like to be added or removed, comment or send an ask. Also, remember to tell me if you ever change your username so I can continue to tag you :)

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

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starlightshadowsworld · 7 months ago

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Bsd where Atsushi is one of Oda's children.

Oda survives because Dazai gets there in time and shoots Guilde himself. It's not till much later that they learn one of the kids is missing.

Oda found Atsushi after he'd escaped Shibusawa and was in the city. After the Dragons head incident so Oda doesn't know which Orphanage Atsushi came from.

Oda is hopeful he can find him and Dazai promises him that they will.

That was 4 years ago. Both have since joined the Detective Agency. Odasaku is out accompanying Ranpo out on some case out the city when Atsushi shows up in Yokohama.

Dazai doesn't recognise Atsushi because any pictures Oda had of his kids were destroyed. And they didn't meet prior.

Atsushi knows of him, and is suprised Dazai's in the Agency. He doesn't say anything, given no one else knows about Dazai's past and Atsushi doesn't want to upend that.

That, and the Headmaster had sewed seeds of doubt in Atsushi's mind about whether his dad ever loved him.

"If he cared for you so much, why did he leave you? Your birth parents abandoned you, so did he. The world has abandoned you Atsushi, you were not made to be loved."

So Atsushi's afraid if Dazai knows who he is, he'll be dropped from the Agency.

Dazai is sus, because hmm random orphan child who has a father in Yokohama. But he isn't from here... And he has the same name as my friends missing child.

Hmm????

He could outright ask him. But where's the fun in that? That, and Atsushi shuts down whenever his past has been asked about.

And Dazai doesn't want to upset him. He also doesn't want to call Odasaku until he knows for certain.

It all comes ahead when Kunikida makes a comment about Ranpo and Odasaku's case being over and that they would be heading back in a few days.

And Atsushi looks terrified. He practically runs out of the building and to the dorms. Dazai goes after him, concerned at his reaction. He figured with how lonely Atsushi clearly was that he'd be escatic.

But he's terrified.

"Dazai I... I can't talk right now I have to go."

Atsushi looked so small and afraid, clutching a bag of his meager possessions. "And you can, I'm not stopping you. But I'd like to talk first. If you still want to go, I won't stop you."

That calms Atsushi down a bit to sit down. "I'm guessing Ranpo's not the reason you ran out of there." Said Dazai. Atsushi shook his head, looking down in shame.

"I know Odasaku, he's a great friend of mine. We go way back in fact and I can tell you quite confidently that he's not a threat to you."

"I'm not scared of that..." Said Atsushi, he's given up hiding what Dazai has obviously figured out. "I don't want him to hate me, more than he already does."

"Why do you think he hates you?"

Atsushi looks at Dazai, tears in his eyes. But Atsushi won't cry, because kids who have been abandoned by there parents don't have the luxury of crying.

"Because I failed him. He... He went to his job and these men showed up..." Atsushi hugged his knees, the memory painful to this day.

"We all got put in a van it blew up. The tiger saved me but I couldn't save the others, not Kyousuke not Sakura...."

He couldn't save any of them, only himself.

"I got up, I went as far as I could before I passed out from the pain. I woke up in a hospital. The Headmaster was there, he took me back to the Orphanage. And that da-... Oda had abandoned me in the wreckage."

So that explained that. Odasaku had never legally adopted the kids, so of course they called the Orphanage.

Dazai felt a unique mixture of anger and sadness. Anger that Atsushi suffered, that Odasaku had suffered. Anger at that Orphanage and if Odasaku didn't kill that man Dazai would.

And sadness. Sadness that Atsushi had suffered, that Odasaku had suffered and Atsushi was so afraid Odasaku wouldn't want him.

"4"

"4?"Asked Atsushi confused. "4 years, that's how long Odasaku has been looking for you. He's been searching for you day and night since he found out you might be alive."

Dazai had never seen Odasaku so distraught as the day his kids were killed. He'd have walked to his own death.

But hearing Atsushi could be alive, that sliver of hope had ignited life back into Odasaku's eyes. Maybe that's partly why they'd joined the Agency to begin with.

Dazai looked Atsushi in the eye, needing him to believe him. "Odasaku would never knowingly abandon you. He thought you were dead, he ran off guns blazing for revenge. And you did not fail him."

Atsushi processes of all of this. Hope ignited in his heart along with the fear. He wanted so desperately to believe it was true.

Dazai said his piece and waited a while before asking if he could tell him. Atsushi nodded, putting his things away as Dazai stepped outside to make a phone call.

"I've found him."

Oda came barrelling into the room a lot quicker than he should've been able to. The moment his gaze found Atsushi, tears welled up in his eyes.

"You're alive."

The sheer relief in his voice bought tears to Atsushi's eyes, because Dazai was right. He wasn't abandoned, he wasn't hated or forgotten.

"Dad!"

Odasaku caught Atsushi as he ran into his arms. He sobbed into his embrace, and Odasaku wasn't much better. Hugging his boy, his son in his arms for the first time in years.

"I'm here, I'm here. I will never, never let you go again. Atsushi I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Sobbed Odasaku. "I thought you'd hate me, that you didn't want me." Said Atsushi and Odasaku shook his head, running a hand through his hair.

"Never, I could never hate you Atsushi."

Dazai watches them with a soft smile before leaving. They'd have a lot to talk about, but for now they were together again and that's all that mattered.

He had another phone call to make.

"Dazai, is everything alright?"

"Everything fine Ango, more than alright actually." Said Dazai, and as if reading his mind Ango smiled. "He found him, didn't he?"

"He did, which brings me to my call" the smile on Dazai's face shattered to pieces. "I need you to find the bastard responsible for taking Atsushi away."

"Tell me what you know so far. We'll go from there."

The Headmaster and all those involved was going to pay for this.

The Guild would probably crumble too the moment Odasaku found out about Atsushi's bounty. But that was for another day.

#bsd odasaku #atsushi nakajima #oda sakunosuke #bsd dazai #bsd atsushi #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs #bsd

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sonder-paradise · 2 years ago

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𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐭 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 — 𝐁𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐨𝐮 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐃𝐨𝐠𝐬

◊ ft. dazai, chuuya, atsushi, akutagawa, kunikida

◊ genre. fluffy fluff hehe

◊ synopsis. the twists and turns of their heart upon first meeting you

𝐃𝐚𝐳𝐚𝐢 is quiet for the first time in forever. The once extravagant, outgoing persona he places for the world folds together neatly as he stares at you from across the room. You quite literally took his breath away. There's no other emotion in his eyes other than pure amazement. Dazai didn't think there was ever a person that could make his heart pound and thud against his chest. Of course, the moment his legs stop feeling like jelly, he's approaching you with a grin.

𝐂𝐡𝐮𝐮𝐲𝐚 stops and stares like an idiot. Perhaps it was his own fault for getting all reckless and tongue-tied but the moment he catches you in the corner of his eye, he stops his exclamations and turns a pretty shade of red. He's covering his face with a hand and prying his eyes off your form. He can't seem to stop the pounding in his head and the heat in his cheeks. He attempts to cover up his nerves with another sharp exclamation before waving those around him away.

𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢 finds himself confused and confounded. Just a normal day and suddenly he's staring at you with no regard for getting caught. He's unfamiliar with this budding emotion in his chest and without even noticing, your eyes meet his and he instantly looks away with his skin turning rosy. To think he'd be so befuddled and silly staring at a random person. But... he can't help but snatch another look the second you're distracted.

𝐀𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐰𝐚 ignores it at first. At least, he tries. He immediately looks away from you, trying to figure out the source of this peculiar emotion now blooming inside of him. Then you smile and give him a friendly wave and surely he's done for. Perhaps you've cast some sickness ability upon him because he can't seem to find the words to explain this illness taking root. So, he covers his face with a hand, pretending to cough away this love bug.

𝐊𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐚 didn't plan for this. All the journals, the organization, the missions, the ideals didn't plan for this to happen. But he's certain of his feelings the second his eyes match yours. He greets you calmly with a curt smile and a firm handshake, but inside he trembles like a leaf in a storm. You're brilliant and charming, and somehow everything he's been looking for all at once.

Taglist: @todorokichills @alittlesimp @greenshirtimaginesii @darlinqserenity @requiem626k @missrown @nonsense-corner @kiyokoxd @jessbeinme15 @starglow-xx @shadyteacup @scul-pted @kuraxmasha @yochicoz @pompompurin1028 @trashykawahq @swrdemon @life-sus @foolishestchildofchilds @fyodorscello @planetxiao @dazaiaiko @chuuyasboots @ruthdied @allisonlol @questioningmyownexistence @sebtomm @nullified-kiss @nathansside @cuteflowers-101 @sigmafied @boombboi @scarletta-ruan @skgch @httpsobi @dazaiscum @thekaylahub @luciferspen @dazaisfavgf @alice0blog @irethepotato @vinyicryes @kageyama-i-want-tobiors @disa-ster

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lolhex12 · 1 year ago

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we don't talk enough abt akutagawa's cough / lung disease (chronic&terminal) yet it has so much angst potential?? anywayy

after the current arc, atsushi knows akutagawa is actively dying and he's the only one who does bc akutagawa didn't tell anyone else abt it. (altho, in all honesty, the amount this man coughs should at least hint at it. i'm honestly amazed not more ppl in the story are concerned abt it)

so, the next mission they have together, akutagawa coughs and atsushi is now aware what it really means, so he wonders out loud with nonchalance masking his concern: "hey, so like, do you think yosano's ability would help with your cough and all? would it go away then?"

akutagawa, wiping his mouth, slightly annoyed: "how would i now? i'm not well-acquainted with your coworkers, weretiger, therefore it's none of my concern. and even then, i wouldn't trust any ada members with my issues, nor my life."

atsushi finds his words a bit sus bc 'u do trust me tho', but doesn't say it out loud and they leave it at that.

somehow, it becomes a regular thing. every time they have a mission together and atsushi hears his partner cough, he presents more ideas of how they could cure a terminal lung disease, and they vary in absurdity as he runs out of inspiration.

his ideas range from mere "have you tried going to a doctor?" (<- at which akutagawa stares in disbelief: "you either think i'm an idiot, or you are the idiot. which one is it?" and atsushi pouts bc 'ok yeah, fair... but also, rude') to insanities like "maybe witchcraft would help! i could look up witches in the area and see if black magic or something has any luck." (<- at which akutagawa is so done he doesn't even entertain the idea and just keeps walking)

they never follow through with any idea tho, bc akutagawa stubbornly refuses to waste time on trying to find a cure when his time on earth already is very limited.

it should also be noted that each time the cough gets worse; louder, rougher, more persistent and even bloody, which only makes atsushi more and more worried.

so one time, akutagawa's particularly annoyed by atsushi's insane and stupid ideas. he turns to him and point-blank asks: "why do even care so much whether i succumb to my illness or not? surely, my death should only leave you overjoyed to see the world be rid of one more evil."

that makes atsushi think bc 'why? why does he care whether akutagawa lives or dies? he's right, a bad person like a mafioso dying should be a good thing.'

after lengthy contemplation he comes to the conclusion that he simply cannot have his sworn enemy/rival/partner die from something as pathetic as a disease. someone as strong as akutagawa has to die in a more memorable way - not alone, in a bed, coughing, with nothing more to be remembered by. if anything he'd have to die fighting atsushi or something. yeah that's it. that's why. (<- it's not, but they're not quite there yet)

so atsushi tells him as much. akutagawa accepts it bc 'yeah, makes sense. what else could the reason be?'

the whole routine of coughing and brainstorming a solution in vain continues as the ideas get even more insane, the cough even worse and atsushi more concerned than ever.

the next time akutagawa is annoyed enough to pose the question again, atsushi is close to tears from anxiety as he holds up akutagawa who collapsed and can't seem to subdue his cough properly.

atsushi struggles to get out the water bottle and cough drops he'd started carrying around on their missions together. he's so scared bc he's never seen akutagawa look so sick and frail before (but not weak. never weak. akutagawa could never be weak in atsushi's eyes. it's impossible, bc akutagawa being strong is a simple, unchangeable fact, constant in any possible universe).

what would he do if akutagawa actually died there? in his arms? on a mission? which would probably get cancelled. would the pm think atsushi killed him? does he bring back the body or just bury it somewhere? pretend he got killed on the mission and not by his own body that had turned on him years ago and was in reality a long time coming? he couldn't even bear to think abt it.

"why tf do u care so much??" akutagawa yells with a scratchy voice before his cough continue despite his best efforts to stop.

atsushi can barely breathe anymore. "because i don't want you to die, you idiot! we're a team! you're my partner. who will i be left with if you go?" tears stream down his face, mainly from how overwhelming his anxiety feels. or maybe bc he really doesn't want his partner to die? nah, it's the anxiety. definitely the anxiety. (<- #denial)

akutagawa, at first embarrassed how his collapse derailed their mission bc goddammit he's supposed to be a professional and not let his issues interfere with his job, pauses when he sees atsushi crying... for him? because of him? ???

he's very confused bc he's pretty sure his rival/enemy/partner should not be so concerned abt his health and impending death, but something abt atsushi's expression and that whole situation makes him rethink his outlook on life.

that's when akutagawa starts taking his health more seriously and actively looks for possible, feasible ways to cure his disease, even if there's only a small chance it'll actually work. bc seeing atsushi like that made him realize there are a handful of people who care abt him and would mourn him if he died; more than just his sister and higuchi.

it made him realize his life had a bigger impact on others than he'd previously thought, not all of it bad.

#i'm insane. i wrote this at 4am and it should not have gotten this long. i just wanted to note down the idea not write it out #fml #they're both very much idiots btw. they care but cannot come to the conclusion it could possibly be in a romantic way #only enemies bc 'grrr ure evil' and 'grr dazai likes u better'#they do eventually get over it and start dating dw trust me i can see the future😌👍#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd headcanon #headcanon #nakajima atsushi #akutagawa ryunosuke #shin soukoku #sskk #akutagawa x atsushi #i desperately need to see more chronic illness!akutagawa content bc it's such a good angst source #and best part abt it? IT'S CANON. CANON CHARACTER WITH CANON CHRONIC HEALTH ISSUES AND TERMINAL LUNG DISEASE #like cmon it's. right. there. we just gotta grab it and the magic will happen #just watched the new ep.#ngl kinda disappointed to see how akutagwa's confession abt his disease was portrayed as an off-hand comment. it needed more impact imo #then again. it's bones <- disappointed but not surprised

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helplesslypurple77 · 1 year ago

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Day 5 Atsushi/Dazai w/ forced Proximity(stuck in a closet)

Notes: shut up ik that i already used a closet in the Fyodor one, but in this one the closet is more heavily featured, so there. Slowly but surely “Kinktober” has turned into “AtsushiFuckTober”. Maybe I should do that next year too.

Atsushi was grateful to Dazai, he owed the man his comfortable life, and that was a debt he would never be able to pay.

“Um Mr. Nakajima, please come this way.” A soft, feminine voice at his side, and Dazai was missing again.

He idolized the man of course, and recently, new feelings had been popping up, but for the love of god, he wished the man would quit trying to throw himself into every single body of water they came across. Be it a sink, or a bathtub, as soon as he spotted it, Osamu Dazai would make a break for the water, shouting gleefully about suicide, and Atsushi was rapidly loosing the little amounts of patience he had left.

It didn't help that their companion, a pretty woman by the name of Akari, who had graciously volunteered to lead them to their destination, had to also deal with the fallout. She smiled patiently, even as Atsushi dragged Dazai away from a fucking bathtub, for the hundreth time this evening.

He didnt know what was happening, and why Dazai had suddenly doubled his suicide efforts, and in the middle of a mission of gods sake, but as he dragged Dazai away from the barrely filled bathtub and down the carpeted hall, he bemouned his circumstances.

“I apologize, Miss Akari. He usually isn't this bad.” Miss Akari had to be an angel in disguise, because she just laughed a little, and gripped his arm leading him down the hallway. Dazai trailed behind them, rattling off suicide facts.

“At~su~shiiii~” Atsushi wonders if Dazai has been eating poisonous mushrooms again. “What, Dazai?”

Dazai giggles as they make their way down the chandelier lit hallway. “Did you know that on average, 1 person dies by suicide every 11 minutes in the US?”

“Dazai, we live in Japan.” Dazai ignores him, opening his arms dramatically, his bandages catching the light. “Oh how I long for the sweet embrace of death, how I crave the kiss of the underworld king, summoning me to my final embrace…”

Its weird actually, given how pretty Miss Akari was, Atsushi would have expected at least one invitation for double suicide, or at least a bad pickup line, but nothing, the whole night. It was strange, but Atsushi is just glad he doesn't have to apologize to Miss Akari for anything other than minor inconveniences. Dazai is talking again, but Atsushi tunes him out, instead focusing on the beautiful scenery surrounding them. They walk down a long hallway, lined with gold framed portraits of families. Crystal chandeliers hang from the ceiling, and the floor is carpeted in red velvet. The entire place screams money. Atsushi supposes that makes sense, their target is a very rich man after all.

Miss Akari is still clutching his arm, her gloved hands shaking slightly. She's very pretty, with long black hair and big, doe eyes with long lashes, dressed prettily in a pink dress with white gloves. And, given how she's just Dazai’s type, Atsushi seriously would have expected an invitation for double suicide.

‘Your skin is lily white, your eyes captivatingly beautiful, your long dark hair reminds me of the night sky, you would make me a happy man if you joined me on a double suicide.’ or something like that.

And then Atsushi would have to apologize to the poor woman, and she would probably run away screaming, and their mission would be ruined—

“Mr. Nakajima?” Atsushi startled, and sent her a small smile of apology. She continued, her voice as soft as a spring breeze. “I was just wondering about you. I hear you work for the Armed Detective Agency?” It's odd that she's asking about him, but Atsushi guesses she's just curious. He smiles, ignoring Dazai yet again. “Yes, as well as the bandaged idiot behind me.” She laughs, the sound like bells. Atsushi wonders yet again about the strange absence of double suicide invitations. “That must be hard work. You really are amazing!” She pressed close to him, her body pressed against his side, her hands still clutching his arm. She must be scared. Atsushi tries his best to send her a reassuring smile.

“It's not too hard, I'm lucky that I get to work with such amazing people.” She lets out a little giggle, her eyelashes fluttering as she looks up at him. “So, what's your ability? I'm sure it's amazing.” Atsushi laughs a little, she really is a kind person. “It's called Beast Beneath the Moonlight. I can transform into a giant white tiger.” She giggles again, clutching his arm. “Wow you're so strong, I feel so reassured now that i'm next to you.”

Atsushi is glad she feels safe, but then the suspicious lack of loud Dazai noises gets to him and he turns, and of course, Dazai is gone. He turns again, Miss Akari still on his arm. “I'm sorry, I have to find my colleague. Could you wait here for a minute?” She nods, her eyelashes fluttering again and Atsushi sends her a grateful smile. “Thanks, you're an angel.” When he leaves, he sees her leaning against the wall, her hands over her cheeks, smiling.

When he finds Dazai around the corner, once again trying to drown himself in a bathtub, Atsushi lets out a long, suffering sigh. “Dazai, that bathtub has no water in it.”

“Alas, i am simply imagining what it would feel like, the sweet embrace of the water—”

When Atsushi drags him back, Miss Akari is still waiting, like the patient person she is. Atsushi smiles at her as she takes his arm again, clutching it tightly as they walk through the gilded corridors, looking for their target. The faint sounds of music and laughter echo from upstairs, the occasional clink of glassware and silverware barely heard under the cacophony of noise downstairs. It's a dinner party, a family reuniting for a will reading and Atsushi can hear the arguments all the way up here. Miss Akari, a daughter of the dead woman, had requested they come, because she suspected someone would break in and attempt to kill the family, while they were all in one place. The family was an old money family with dealings with the port mafia, and Atsushi had asked why they didn't help but Akari had informed him that they didn't do that sort of thing. It made sense, he supposed.

Right now, they're supposed to be patrolling the upper hallways while the family ate, because Miss Akari was sure the person wouldn't strike until after dinner, when the family gathered for the will reading. She had informed them that she would rather not let the others know, because in her words; ‘there was sure to be a riot!’. And so, they were sneaking around the upper floors of a rich person's house(scratch that, it was basically a castle, Atsushi had never seen so much wealth in his life.) Dodging the occasional stray family member had been easy, but they were becoming more and more frequent as the night went on, the partygoers tiring of the endless arguments and retreating upstairs to the many different entertainment rooms.

“Atsushi?” Miss Akari is speaking again, pulling him out of his brain and back to reality. She leans up, whispering in his ear. She smells faintly of rose petals. “I think someone in my family might be responsible for moms death.” Atsushi feels this isn't something she should tell just anyone, even if she feels they are trustworthy, but he nods along with her anyway.

“You think so?”

☘ ☘ ☘

Miss Akari is the most suspiciously suspicious person Dazai has ever met. I mean it's obvious. Why else would she be hanging off Atsushi like that, stealing Dazai’s rightfully deserved attention. The wench. She was obviously an enemy spy or something like that, hellbent on pulling Atsushi to the dark side! Dazai scowled as they walked down the hall. They were obviously leaving him out like this, whispering and flirting like that, and right in front of his salad(I'm sorry). How dare that Harlot, steal his Atsushi from him.

Dazai scoffed. She wasn't even that pretty. Ok, maybe he was being a tad dramatic. Miss Akari was actually very pretty. She had long straight black hair and dark black eyes, and she was clothed prettily in a nice sunday dress and small kitten heels. And honestly a long time ago she would have been Dazai’s type, but recently he had found himself into people less like Miss Akari, and more like Atsushi. Or rather, he had discovered he was in love with Atsushi.

It was embarrassing and dumb and humiliating and entirely too hard to deny, and if he was being truthful, he was just jealous of that wench. Jealous that Atsushi would let her hang all over him like that. Probably smashing her plentiful bosom and ladylike charms all against him and stealing him from right under Dazai’s nose. And it was highly unlikely she was an enemy spy, she was just an admittedly kind and pretty young woman who was interested in Atsushi, and Dazai hated her for it. There were times, times when his darker days came back to haunt him, times when he got unhealthy ideas like keeping Atsushi locked away, for if he was locked away only Dazai could have the privilege to gaze upon his form. But most of all he wanted Atsushi to be happy, and no one would be happy caged like a decorative bird.

And so, he simply stood back and allowed that Harlot to hang all over Atsushi. But of course, not without the occasional ploy to steal his attention back. But alas, it had seemed Atsushi had tired of his antics, and Dazai had been threatened, in no uncertain terms, to be left behind with the old ladies. And so, he had to be content with watching. For once he was thankful for Atsushi’s dense personality, because although it had screwed him over, it had also screwed everyone else who had approached him too.

Dazai’s love for his subordinate had snuck up on him like a tiger hunting its prey, and then jumped him from behind and completely overwhelmed him. It was even beginning to overtake his desire for a double suicide, wich was a terifying thought. It had been a slow, but steady process but subconsciously he knew he was doomed from the moment he met Atsushi. When he had first opened his eyes, soaking wet on the riverbank, he was sure he had succeeded in his suicidal endevors. For why else would there be an angel hovering above him, highlighted by the setting sun.

Their relationship had been a series of devastating blows delivered under the sunset. For it had been sunset when they had first met, and Dazai had found out that Atsushi was not, in fact, an angel, but a poor orphan boy. He was sure Oda was laughing at him from behind the grave, when he took him in, purely with hidden selfish reasons. Reasons he himself didn't even see when he did it.

The second sunset, on the way back from Ranpo’s case with Atsushi. He had refused to admit he got himself caught in the net to be in Atsushi’s proximity. He had justified it with ‘i just want to watch his progress, and kunikida wont let me,’ but it was obvious to an older and wiser Dazai that he just wanted to be around him. It was embarrassing, but all Dazai could feel was the heat of his body, the close proximity, only a few measly inches between their shoulders. He had longed, subconsciously as he prattle on, to pull the boy close, maybe wind an arm around his thin shoulders.

The third sunset, the one that graced them as they sat on that parkbench, on the day Atsushi figured out the orphanage headmaster had died. And although Dazai had appeared calm and rational, like he always pretended, the mere mention of the man's death had filled him with glee. The extent of the abuse he had subjected Atsushi two filled him with an indescribable amount of rage, that he had always chalked up to protectiveness as a friend. It was apparent that it was not, that the extent of the protectiveness he felt was far and beyond. That was the second sunset, and perhaps maybe the tipping point.

But the third sunset, the sunset on the ship after the defeat of the guild, was the breaking point. As he had nonshalontly raised a glass, and as Atsushi had smiled at him, his eyes mirroring the color of the sunset, his heart had stopped. And then it had resumed, beating triple time against his chest, threatening to leap out completely. He had been overwhelmed by how beautiful the boy across from him was and how desperately Dazai wanted to embrace him, to hold his thin frame close and press kisses to his lips and he had just stopped functioning for a moment.

And that was when he knew, that he was well and truly gone, that he was unequivocally, irreversibly, deeply and truly in love. And then, he had kind of accepted his fate. It was obvious that the affection Atsushi held for him was purely platonic, and even if he had other feelings the boy himself was unaware of them, at least for now. And truly, the boy was terribly, annoying, incredibly dense. Even outright flirting was just brushed off with a laugh and an eye roll, and any physical affection(aside from outright just kissing him) was just attributed to platonic feelings, and Dazai had been about three second from pulling all his hair out and jumping out a second story window, so he essentially gave up. Not completely, he just bided his time and would have to make do with fantasies and daydreams, until the day he decided to take a leap of faith.

But, this harlot was testing his last nerve. She was far too conventionally attractive and although Atsushi didn't seem to notice how hard she was flirting, Dazai was sure that at some point she would give up on subtlety and just ask him out. And then Atsuhsi would blush adorably and accept and then they would start going out and it would be all suffocatingly cute and cuddly and then one day they would get married and Atsushi would of course ask Dazai to be the best man and Dazai’s heart would break into tiny little pieces but he would do it because he would do anything for Atsushi and then they would have little kids who looked like Atsushi and Dazai would grow old alone and sad and have to watch their happily ever after—

“…zai. Dazai. Earth to Dazai!” Dazai pulls himself out of his depressing fantasies and back to reality with a jolt. Atsushi is standing in front of him, noticeably missing the evil harlot Miss Akari, his hands on his hips. Dazai almost skips to meet him, grabbing his arm as they make their way down the hallway. “So, where did Miss Akari go?”

“She had to entertain her guests, remember?” Atsushi regrettably pulls away from Dazai, crossing his arm and coming to a stop. “Really Dazai, she's a really nice woman. You should pay attention to her.” Dazai really will throw himself out a second story window. Watch him, he’ll actually do it, just watch. “Do you like her or something?” He sounds like a middle school boy. Embarrassing. Atsushi smiles. “Yes actually.” Dazai’s heart drops into the pit of his stomach. The boy continues to drive knives into his poor heart. “She’s a very kind woman. And she’s very pretty too. I was sure you would have invited her to do a double suicide with you by now.”

If it were, perhaps, a few months earlier, Dazai definitely would have. But now he’s down bad for his subordinate, who apparently ‘loves’ Miss Akari. He forces a smile, almost choking on actual tears. Embarrassing. “So, when's the wedding?” Atsushi just looks confused. “Wedding?” Dazai might actually cry. “Yeah, Wedding. She’s obviously into you and if you love her back you might as well just get married then.” Atsushi blushes pretty, his pale cheeks turning a dark pink. Dazai wishes he were the cause of that. “What are you talking about! I don't like her like that, I thought you meant if i thought she was nice.” Dazai’s tears are suddenly gone, done choking up his throat and clogging his stomach. “And she’s not into me anyway. People usually aren't ‘into me’.”

‘Me!’ Dazai wants to scream. ‘I'm into you and you are worth it and I want to kiss you please let me kiss you please—’ but he holds it in. He doesn't, however, hold in his gleeful smile. Atsushi gives him a baleful glare. “You could have been nicer to her, and did you really have to try to throw yourself into any bathtub–, no, anything that holds water?” Mood restored, Dazai swings his arms by his side. “Really Atsushi. You’ll never understand the joys of suicide.”

And the rest of the evening is going just wonderfully, it's all just wonderful and sunshine and rainbows really until suddenly Atsushi is grabbing his collar and he's being yanked backward and shoved not so nicely into a closet. Really, he's about to complain, but Atsushi makes an adorable little shushing noise and crowds inside as well, and Dazai hears the sound of footsteps and conversation. And he remembers the only part of the conversation he had listened to, where Miss Akari had told them she didn't want the rest of the family to know she had invited agents. And really, he should be concentrating on what the people walking by the small closet they're in are talking about but the only thing he can concentrate on is Atsushi’s proximity.

It's a small closet, made for sheets and towels, and the lack of space forced Atsushi to press in tight, his back shoving Dazai against the wall. Dazai’s senses are asaulted by the clean scent of green tea and cheap soap and the heat radiating from Atsushi’s back and Dazai is simultaniasly cursing and praising whatever fucked up god got him into this position because his pretty subordinate is pressed against him and all his fantasies are coming back to haunt him.

Atsushi is shorter than him, about two or three inches, and his frame is smaller. Dazai’s body almost cages him in, even with his arms pinned to his sides in what little space they have, and it's frighteningly arousing. Dazai’s nose is shoved in his hair, Atsushi’s back lines up with his chest and most damning of all, his but presses directly on Dazai’s dick. People are walking by the room, and Dazai knows it definitely isn't the time to get hard, so he puts all impure thoughts to the back of his mind for now.

Really, he should take advantage of this opportunity, and he does. He wraps his arms around Atsushi’s frame pulling him closer even still, and allowing himself to hug the boy their warmth blending together. And it feels wonderful and comforting and like all is right in the world, until Atsushi squirms, grinding his ass back directly on Dazai’s clothed dick. Dazai’s hands drop like a hot stone, shooting to his side as he tries to separate himself from Atsushi, to no avail. Because now all those times he had arrived after a fight to see Atsushi laying face down on the ground, his cute little ass on display for Dazai(and the world). And he didn't know why the boy insisted on landing in this position every chance he got, but it was truly a strange(sexy) position. For every time he did that all Dazai could think about was that position in a different context, maybe something with one hundred percent less clothes and it was all coming back to haunt him.

For some reason the people outside the closet have insisted on talking like three feet away from the closet doors, and not moving and now Dazai knew his dick was at least semi hard and he was never going to recover from this one—

“Dazai?” Atsushi has turned around to whisper, and now it's almost worse because their faces are a two measly inches away from each other, breaths tangling together and Atsushi’s eyes are breathtakingly beautiful. “Dazai, do you have something in your pocket, its poking against me.” Oh now this is just lovely. He's taking to long to respond and Atsushi’s going to get suspicious. “Yes actually. A gun.” Atsushi rolls his eyes. “It's not a gun, that's not what a gun feels like.” Fuck. “Jesus Dazai, what is it? Is it something your not supposed to have?” He’s still whispering, but now he looks slightly panicked. “Did you bring a random knife or prescription pills on missions again? You know Kunikida’s going to kill you.” This conversation should be killing him hard on but it's still there, and harder than ever. Dazai hates himself.

His lack of response seems to be worrying Atsushi because now, to his horror, Dazai feels his hand trying to get in between their bodies. He grabs it, trying to hold him away from his overeager dick. Atsushi frowns, whisper yelling at him. “Dazai, lemme see it!”

“Don't worry about it, Atsushi!” This, obviously, does not deter him.

“Now I'm even more worried!”

As much as he would like Atsushi’s hands all over his dick, he really would prefer different circumstances and so he thoughtlessly grabs the boy's wrist, pinning them above his head. It's almost worse this way. Their faces are close together, breaths intermingling again, and to Dazai’s satisfaction, he sees the blush spreading across Atsushi’s cheeks. It's visible even in the dark closet as the boy evades his eyes, blush furious across his pale skin. Dazai can't resist the urge to tease him.

“My Atsushi, what’s got you so flustered?” The boy glares, all while that cute little blush is still plastered across his face. “Shut up Dazai.” And so, Dazai seels his lips with a kiss.

...

End Notes: I always headcanoned that Atsushi is oblivious to flirting because of his low self esteem lol. A pretty girl could be hanging off his arm, telling him how amazing he is and stuff and he would go ‘haha lol she's so kind.’ or ‘haha lol she must be scared.’ also i'm tired of writing full smut so here you go, half smut

Taglist: @mulit05ho3st4n

#bungou stray dogs #dazatsu #bsd smut #bungo gay dogs #stray dogs smut #mariannacrxss #helplesslypurple77Kinktober #kinktober 2023 #kinktober

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k-oliveros · 9 months ago

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Happy Birthday my sweet Gab!

(Sorry, but I won't translate that whole thing right now, i'm quite busy so maybe later. Meanwhile if you wanna read how MUCH I LOVE Gab and WHY I do, you can translate in your own or wait until I do so ♥ )

Hoy 08 de febrero se celebra el natalicio del escritor Jules Gabriel Verne. Nació en 1828 en Nantes, Francia, y falleció el 24 de marzo de 1905 en Amiens, Francia con 77 años de edad. Fue conocido como uno de los padres fundadores de la ciencia ficción y la aventura literaria. Comenzó sus estudios de derecho, pero su verdadera pasión era la escritura. Era apasionado por los viajes y la exploración, lo que se reflejó en muchas de sus obras. Aunque nunca realizó grandes viajes durante su vida, investigaba extensamente para sus novelas y utilizaba esa información para crear mundos imaginarios convincentes, y también fueron sus libros con los que aprendí a leer. Leía sus palabras, sus letras me sacaban la voz incluso antes de que las comprendiese.

Quien diría que el personaje ficticio del que me fuera a encular fuera el homónimo de este sujeto. Que vueltas da la vida.

Como ya todos saben, (el nombre de mi perfil lo indica), estoy perdidamente enamoradísima del personaje de Gab de la novela ligera 55 minutos perteneciente a Bungou Stray Dogs. Cuando leí sus primeras apariciones, me pareció un morrillo miadito y castrocito, bastante energético, un sol travieso, probablemente lo que era la definición de un niño normal (cof, si ignoramos que era ladrón)

Y entonces falleció.

Asagiri nunca ha tenido le ha tenido miedo de crear personajes, que te encariñes con ellos 2 minutos y luego matarlos (cof, las banderas de stormbringer). Antes de morir, Gab y Atsushi tuvieron un pequeño momento de entendimiento y conexión, pensé que Gab en realidad era un niño muy bueno y dulce, pero entonces murió en agonía junto con sus camaradas que tanto apreciaba.

Y entonces revivió.

Yo si le llore a Gab su muerte, así que cuando lo vi vivito haciéndole un “Objeto o pastel?” a Dazai yo quede “QUE” y me enoje. Me enoje porque Gab me hizo creer que hubo una conexión real, me hizo llorar, sentí que jugó con mis sentimientos pero como ahi dicen “Pos ya que” seguí leyendo por que ahora tenía saber cómo fue que el morrillo estaba vivo y mas que nada, la necesidad de saber “¿POR QUÉ?” Las hojas pasaron, la historia pasó, y la pelea llegó. Saben, las crisis existenciales son algo terrible y no se las deseo a nadie, te hacen cuestionarte a ti mismo, la vida y tu humanidad. Es algo con lo que he sufrido por mucho tiempo. Eran tragos amargos que me pasaba a regañadientes, pues nunca estaba totalmente satisfecha. Cuando Gab menciona no ser humano (y que en realidad es una habilidad), note que eso no le generaba alguna crisis o inseguridad (a diferencia de Chuuya), de hecho, pese a no ser humano el SABIA que tenia humanidad, sabía que estaba VIVO y su instinto de supervivencia estaba muy marcado. Muchas veces en mi vida me he sentido atrapada en un bucle, congelada en un cubo de agua, lentamente esperando a que el día inicie y que el día acabe, derritiéndome. Aun así, siendo que yo he tenido mil veces más libertad que ese sujeto (pues en realidad no es un niño, tiene la habilidad de cambiar de edad por lo que es más seguro que sea adulto, solo dios sabrá lo que es) y aun así, aun así, Gab se aferraba mil veces más a la vida que yo. Me pregunto si se habría sentido miserable al tener que repetir el mismo bucle tantas veces solo para mantenerse con vida. ¿Habrá alguna vez añorado más? ¿Habría alguna vez mirado el rostro de sus amigos y sentir que ya estaba harto de sus rostros? ¿Alguna vez había sentido el deseo de simplemente dejar el tiempo correr y morir…?

No.

No, no lo pensó. Estoy segura que ese hombre no lo pensó ni por 3 segundos. Durante la pelea, hubo un momento en el que Atsushi le pide que acabe con todo esto, que acabe con el bucle, que ya había vivido lo suficiente, solo así el resto del mundo podría ser libre.

“Estoy aquí, estoy vivo ahora mismo, ¡nunca será suficiente! Nunca habrá suficiente de respirar, pensar, escuchar, hablar— nunca suficiente de estar con amigos. No habrá un momento en el que diga "hey, creo que estoy bien" y tu no eres diferente”

Cuando Gab dijo eso yo ya estaba llorando bien fuerte. En bungou, hay muchas muertes, si. Algunos no alcanzan a decir mucho, algunos fueron sacrificios, seguido hay llantos por la muerte de otros, pero son pocas las veces en la que el personaje está rogando por su propia vida, gritando desesperado que no quiere morir. Hay muchas personas que creen que vale más morir que perder la dignidad, el honor o la libertad, que sin ellas la vida no tiene valor. También hay personas encadenadas en el aburrimiento, sin libertad, deseando morir.

Entonces Gab grito:

“¡No necesito ser libre! ¡Quiero vivir! ¡Quiero vivir!”

Y yo lloré aún más. Gab no hizo nada malo, no puedes obligar a nadie a sacrificarse por otros, ¿A él que iba a importarle? Él sabía lo era estar no-vivo, el verdadero vacío oscuro y solitario, el verdadero no existir.

Su único pecado fue vivir.

Él amaba vivir. No le importaba que siempre viera las mismas caras, no le importaba repetir la rutina, no le importaba tener que defender su vida sin descanso… él amaba vivir. ¡Amaba vivir! Oh dios, ¿Cuántos de ustedes se atreverían a gritar con esa misma fuerza y determinación, sin dudas y con seguridad “QUIERO VIVIR”? Mi vida no es terrible como muchas otras, incluso cuando vivía con aún más comodidades, gritar eso se sentiría como una mentira. Me gustaba empatizar con personajes desgraciados que no soportaban vivir, que para ellos el oxigeno no tenia sabor, nunca me había sentido atraída a un personaje que quisiera vivir, tampoco había visto a una persona o personaje querer vivir como el. Porque una cosa es querer vivir por las cosas que anhelas hacer, y aparte está el querer vivir por amar vivir.

En mis early teens como dicen los gringos, hubo momentos en los que directamente pensé “Quiero morir”, pero gracias al apoyo que recibí de muchas personas de mi alrededor, esas palabras se desvanecieron en el aire y decidí que seguiría viviendo, que crecerá y haria cosas, conocería gente y crearía algo. El problema es que habiendo decidido eso, yo aun no sabia como se dice “Quiero vivir” ¿Con que cara o sentimiento podría hacer eso? ¿Cuál sería el sabor de esas palabras? ¿Cómo serían?. El mundo me enseño a decir “Quiero morir”. Las personas con sus lenguas me deletrearon cada consonante y vocal, pero ahora quería aprender palabras nuevas…¿Pero como?

“¡Quiero vivir!” grito Gab otra vez hasta su muerte.

Cuando termine de leer, estaba hecha un desastre. No solo por que murió el personaje del que mas me había encariñado, no solo por que el personaje que mas merecia vivir no fue rescatado, no por que murió con una sonrisa como si pensara “Fue bueno vivir”, si no tambien por que yo quería ser como el. Ese momento se sintió como haber encontrado el sol de mis días, el calor que derretiría el hielo y me dejaria ser libre, mantendría mi corazon calido y latiendo, en ese instante, en ese instante fue tan claro como el agua, en ese instante supe como era un verdadero “Quiero vivir”.

Feliz Cumpleaños Gab. Gracias por decir esas palabras.

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starlostlix · 6 months ago

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see this is the psychology alevel revision i need.

a part of psychology about affectionless psychopathy was Bowlby's 44 Juvenile thieves study (as evaluations for his maternal deprivation theory) and concluded that prolonged separation in childhood can lead to both delinquency and affectionless psychopathy. If almost any of the characters in this series were affectionless psychopaths then the delinquency part would also match.

personally im not quite sure about dazai. whilst he fits the bill of showing little concern for others, it seems like he may be able to form relationships (especially with characters like chuuya and atsushi and such) that seem genuine. but then again it's hard to tell if he seems distant from people because his close friends like oda have died in the past or because of his fascination with su!cide that may prevent him from wanting to be close to people.

you suggested fyodor which i could see being accurate - to me it seems all his relationships are based on achieving his goals. from his demeanour they seem to be a convenience and means to an end over genuine friendship. but that may be because his goal is to remove all ability users (including himself i assume?) and so far he seems to interact exclusively with ability users and so distances himself because of that?

whilst there are other characters who show seemingly little care for others, there's not many i can think of who are unable to form strong relationships.

with the plot of the show and character's classified backstories i think it's hard to tell if the behaviour we see of the characters is influenced solely by attachment or also heavily affected by the other events and traumas they've experienced. but honestly it's a really interesting idea to explore, and i would look further into affectionless psychopathy in the characters if i didn't have the other topics of psychology (as well as my other alevel subjects) to do revision on (which i will say i will do and probably not do to the extent i say i will)

I was studying my developmental psychology notes and found this,

Affectionless psychopathy: what can develop if a child is deprived of attachment; it means showing little concern for other’s and being unable to form relationships.

Sooo Question(s) of the day,

was dazai an affectionless psychopath?

what other bsd characters do you think fit the bill?

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #dazai #bsd dazai #bsd fyodor #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #affectionless psychopathy #psychology #a levels #a level psychology

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ajax-is-not-a-lee · 2 years ago

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Let me pick up the pieces

Summary: Dazai and Chuuya have a fight which leaves Dazai feeling terrible luckily Chuuya’s always there for him. (Hurt/comfort)

Lee!Dazai, Ler!Chuuya (Atsushi’s also there I guess)

Word count: 2.1k

T.W.: Depression, Su!c!de attempt, brief nudity (not sexual, not graphic)

This is a tickle fic if you don’t like that don’t read

Note: this is my first fic and I’m really excited!! Enjoy!!!

-————————————————————————

Despite Dazai’s charismatic demeanor he wasn’t actually very friendly. Sure he could talk to anyone but he chose not to unless it was for his job. Outside of work he was very private, leading most to have no clue about what went on in his head.

Something that often came as a shock to people was that Dazai actually is human despite him feeling separated from the concept of humanity. Being that Dazai was human, he had his low points just like anyone else.

The bandaged man happened to be going through one of these low points at the moment and it caused his coworkers to feel a bit concerned as his chipper attitude had been replaced by something far more somber.

“Dazai!”

“Huh? Oh sorry, what did you need?”

Atsushi had called for him four times before he heard him.

“I just wanted to- Nevemind it’s not really important. Are you okay? You seem… off.”

The expression on the weretigers face sent a pang of guilt through Dazai who hadn’t meant to let his bad mood be so obvious.

“I’m good don’t worry about me!” Dazai put on his best fake smile as he responded.

Atsushi was hurt by the inhuman grin. He knew that smile and knew that it meant Dazai was lying to him.

Not wanting to push further and risk upsetting him Atsushi turned and went back to his desk leaving Dazai’s face to quickly slip back into a lifeless expression.

………………………………………………………………………

Dazai walked back to his flat in a daze and robotically took his key out and twisted it in the lock. He felt guilty for being so distant at work today but he found himself lacking the energy to care as all he could think about was burrowing into his bed and sleeping.

However when Dazai stepped into the door a orange head of hair and dumb hat greeted him.

“Chuuya?!” Dazai tried to keep the surprise out of his voice, wanting to come off more collected. It had only been 2 weeks since he’d seen the red head but their last visit had ended in a fight that Dazai assumed meant Chuuya wanted nothing more to do with him. “I didn’t expect to see you or I would have cleaned up…” Dazai felt his face warm from embarrassment.

Not that Dazai would own up to it, but their fight had affected him more than he wanted to admit. He had gone into a depressive episode where he hadn’t had the energy to take care of himself or his apartment. It made him feel ashamed to allow someone else to have this much of an effect on him, but when he’d thought he would never see Chuuya again it broke something in him.

“Yeah well this was more of an impromptu visit than anything else so…” He trailed off glancing around the room at the mess. When he looked back at Dazai his knowing gaze made the brunette want to bury himself in a hole.

Desperate to be able to think about anything other than the disaster that was his apartment, Dazai spoke up. “Want any wine?”

……………………………………………………………….

“So- um- where- I meant what are you doing here? Not that you can’t be here! I just didn’t think I’d see you.”

Dazai stumbled over his words and if you asked he’d blame it on the wine but he was known for being able to hold his alcohol well.

“Well…” Chuuya took a sip of his wine in a much more refined manner than Dazai who just seemed to want to be drunk. “Atsushi actually called me. He’d said that you seemed not quite right. I was about to hang up because you’re never quite right, but he said that you seemed tired.” Chuuya stopped speaking to look up at Dazai who was staring at him with an expression that corroborated Atsushi’s words.

Chuuya looked away before continuing,”Is this about our fight?”

They both knew the answer to that so instead of saying yes Dazai began to explain.

“You were so angry, and then you left, and then I didn’t see you for two weeks. I thought that was it.”

Now it was Chuuyas turn to feel guilty. It was a stupid fight over one of Dazai’s attempts . His last attempt had left him in a terrible state and when Chuuya saw the other man it terrified him. So instead of confronting his own fears he instead had yelled at Dazai. While it wasn’t entirely Dazai’s fault he still played his part in breaking his promise of reaching out when he needed it. Chuuya knew that it wasn’t easy he also knew that years of habit couldn’t just be changed. But looking at Dazai covered in bandages stained red was too much for him to bare.

So now they sat here unmoving.

After a few minutes Chuuya was the first to speak.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I should have communicated better with you. I wasn’t really angry,” Chuuya’s eyes met Dazai’s, tears threatening to fall from his blue eyes, “you just really scared me.”

The tears began to spill from his eyes as bandaged hands hesitantly reached out to hold him. Chuuya grabbed Dazai and wrapped the other’s hands around him as he cried into a shirt that he could smell hadn’t been washed in days.

“I’m sorry too. I know I promised to reach out. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s like whenever I try something inside me tells me I would be better off dead than burdening others. That’s not an excuse for breaking my promise to you, it's just… I hope that helps you understand better.”

Chuuya relaxed a bit into the odd embrace. When his sobs lessened he looked up at Dazai. Dazai could tell he was studying the grime on his face and looking at the grease in his hair, and yet there was no judgement in the eyes staring at him.

“Can I help you bathe?”

Dazai’s chest flooded with warmth and he softly nodded his head.

……………………………………………………………….

Chuuya started the water in the bath, every once in a while reaching a hand in to check the temperature.

He helped Dazai shed his dirty clothes and bandages, instructing him to get in the water. Chuuya stepped out to throw away the bandages and grab clean ones as well as a change of clothes. When he came back he opened the mostly empty shampoo bottle that sat by the edge of the bath and began to scrub Dazai’s scalp with it.

“Dazai?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you really think we were done?”

“Mm-hm.”

Dazai in his relaxed state didn’t think much about the question but Chuuya, who was still fully conscious, wanted to cry again.

With the jobs that the both of them had there was no guarantee for a tomorrow with either of them in it. He couldn’t stand the thought of Dazai being like this without Chuuya to pick up the pieces.

He filled a bucket up with water and poured it over Dazai’s hair rinsing out the suds. Dazai stood up and shivered from the cool air touching his damp body. Chuuya was quick to wrap a towel around him and hand him clean clothes.

……………………………………………………………….

Dazai sat in a chair with a towel around his neck as Chuuya changed his bed-sheets. Big brown eyes followed Chuuya around the room unable to look away.

“So,” The room had been so quiet that Chuuya startled as Dazai began to speak, “does this mean we’re still dating.”

Dazai’s cheeks had a slight rosy hue to them.

“It’s ok if we’re not I was just wondering!” The taller of the two quickly backtracked not wanting to come off as needy or desperate.

Chuuya just looked at him with fondness as he walked over to him. In one quick motion Chuuya picked up Dazai and (gently) threw him onto the freshly made bed.

“Yes stupid! Of course we’re still dating!” His tone was playful as he littered kisses all over Dazai’s face.

When the kisses reached Dazai’s ear he shoved at Chuuya’s chest ,“Wahahait!”

Dazai’s efforts to hide his face in his shoulder were in vain as Chuuya could still see the red tips of his ears peaking out. It took Chuuya only a moment to figure out what was happening as Dazai had never had this reaction before.

“Oh my god are you ticklish?” Dazai let another giggle slip at the word and Chuuya made a mental note to bring that up later.

“Noho?” Dazai was giggling nervously but not making any attempt to move away.

“You are aren’t you!?” Chuuya’s grin stretched over his face and he pulled Dazai closer to him. “Would it be ok if I tickled you more?”

Dazai looked at Chuuya now flustered beyond belief. Still he whispered out a quiet yes.

Chuuya gave him a bright smile and immediately began fluttering his finger over his ears.

“Eheehehehee!” Dazai giggled at the light feeling that sent tingles throughout him.

Chuuya began to move his hands down to Dazai’s neck and he watched as Dazai scrunched up his shoulders and squealed.

“NOHO CHUUYAHAHAHA!!”

Chuuya withdrew his hands worried he’d done something wrong and upset Dazai.

Instead Dazai looked up at him with a dopey smile.

“Why’d youhuhu stohop?”

Chuuya looked down wondering how it was possible for his boyfriend to get any cuter. Not only had he just discovered that his boyfriend was ticklish but he liked being tickled?!??! That was just too much for Chuuya and he straddled Dazai’s hips.

“Do you hear that Dazai? It sounds like the tickle monster!” Chuuya began to spider walk his fingers from Dazai’s neck to his stomach, “He sounds hungry too! Do you know what the tickle monster eats?”

Dazai shook his head smile stretching his lips already even though he wasn’t actually being tickled yet.

“The tickle monster loves to feast on adorable boys with ticklish tummie’s!”

As Chuuya finished speaking he threw Dazai’s shirt up revealing his soft tummy. Dazai let out another stream of giggles at the teases.

“And what do we have here? A cute ticklish tummy belonging to an adorable, giggly boy? Well now the tickle monster feels starving!” Chuuya punctuated his sentence with a deep intake of air and raspberry right over Dazai’s belly button.

Dazai let out a high pitched shriek before dissolving into squeaky laughter.

“NOHO NOT THEHEHERE!! IHIHIHI AHAHA CHUU-HAHAHA CAHAHANT!!!”

Dazai was laughing like a madman as his poor belly was tickled mercilessly. Chuuya formed his hands into claws and vibrated them into the center of Dazai’s tummy. This earned more squeals from the brunette who now was so red he rivaled chuuyas hair. There was something else Chuuya noticed about Dazai’s reaction, and that was that instead of squirming away he arched into the touch.

‘Oh’ Chuuya thought, ‘he really likes this.’

It warmed Chuuya’s heart to see Dazai with a genuine smile looking so carefree.

Chuuya reached behind him to squeeze at Dazai’s thighs and knees it didn’t yield as extreme of a reaction as his stomach but it still left Dazai in a giggly haze.

Chuuya got bored of the spot quickly and gave an experimental squeeze to Dazai’s hips. If Chuuya hadn’t been holding on he was sure he would have been thrown off.

“AAAAAHHHHHHAAAHAHHA DOHAHAHAH HAHA HEHEHEHAHAHEH!!” Dazai was babbling out unintelligible nonsense between bouts of laughter.

Chuuya could see that Dazai was reaching his limit so he moved his hands from his hips up to his stomach gently skittering his fingernails around.

Chuuya leaned down to whisper in Dazai’s ear.

“So tell me, have you always liked being tickled?” Chuuyas tone was teasy and he could feel the warmth radiating from Dazai’s face.

When Chuuya didn’t get an answer other than more giggles he decided to blow into Dazai’s ear.

“EEEK CHUHUHUYA!”

Chuuya figures this was enough and gave Dazai one last kiss on his neck leaving him giggling as he rubbed away the residual tingles on his tummy. Chuuya helped him sit up and handed him a glass of water from the nightstand. When Dazai finished Chuuya held him in his arms and rubbed circles into his back as Dazai let out residual giggles.

“You’re mehean.” When Dazai spoke he sounded exhausted.

“Nah I think you liked it.” Chuuya accentuated his point by fluttering his fingers on Dazai’s side. Dazai of course made no attempt to get away.

“I love you so much Dazai. I’ll always be here to help pick up the pieces.”

“I love you too Chuuya. I promise to always do the same for you.” He whispered as sleep started to wash over him, “Goodnight Chuuya Nakahara.”

“Goodnight Dazai Osamu ”

#lee!dazai #ler!chuuya #bsd tickle #tickling #tickle fluff #tword blog #tickling community #tickle community #tickle fic #hurt/comfort #i love them so much #they’re so sweet

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justsomeboredgirl · 3 years ago

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hello, as you all may know there's still so many thing in bungou stray dogs that is like a foreshadowing for future problem. let me list them all for you :

akutagawa fuckin lung problem, asdffgjkl let the poor boi live omfg i have a feeling he's gonna die at the end of canon arghh

atsushi. beast beneath the moonlight. the tiger. THERE'S SO MUCH MYSTERIES SURROUNDING ATSUSHI ( TДT) and the white tiger is somehow the key to unlock the book (remember what fitzgerald said ppl??)

chuuya is literally arahabaki's vessel. when will this get addressed?!?!

a lot of the characters backstory. im especially interested in mori lmao

dazai osamu. i will die if this man doesn't get an arc QAQ admit it, ya all want explanation about this man entire being

the fuckin magical book

the great war

abilities in general

natsume souseki. i dont know how but this man is super important and that tripartite framework is sus af and will probs be super relevant to the plot

margaret everyone?? she's still in coma waiting for yosano right???

Q?? what happened to Q?? an ability like them... i got a "relevant to the plot) feels

the guild. jack's plan to take over the guild

fyodor's ability is never explained asjakajka what even is his ability???

again with dazai. "your blood is mafia black". and also he's in the previous boss' room when mori killed him, so like hint hint he's the actuak heir to port mafia??

soukoku??? admit it we all want more soukoku stories

the shin soukoku, atsushi and akutagawa, is it dazai's long time plan??

that nikolai gogol guy and his plan with stigma

fuckin order of the clock tower

and what's up with the book being in yokohama

and a long list of foreshadowing QAQ please just tell us juseyoo!!!!

and as you all probably suspect, bsd right now is probs only halfway through the plot. i mean the cast has been saying "the book" quite often now, but it's still a single page in the end?!?! if the whole plot will end up revolving around the book... im afrais we still have a long way to go

guys.... i feel like bsd will probs end 10 years later (╥╯﹏╰╥)ง NOT THAT IM NOT HAPPY WE WILL GET MLRE BSD but... the suspense is literally killing me

asdghjklsdhkl i can't wait for the next chapter

#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #nakajima atsushi #akutagawa ryuunosuke #port mafia #armed detective agency #bsd #bsd manga #bsd manga spoilers #mori ougai

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rottingflovver · 4 years ago

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OH MY GOD CAN YOU PLEASE DO THE SAME WITH THE ANON THAT ASKED FOR FEMALE S/O WHO HAD A CHILD?? BUT WITH AKUTAGAWA,ATSUSHI, AND KUNIKIDA PLEASE I BEG OF YOU IM ON MY KNEE’S🧎

AH OF COURSE!! YET AGAIN I STRUGGLE A LITTLE WITH AKU BUT I HOPE IT'S GOOD

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Characters: Akutagawa Ryunosuke, Atsushi Nakajima, Kunikida Doppo

Format: headcanons

Tw: light mentions of abuse and childhood trauma!

A/N: I made myself sad with Atsushi's ╥﹏╥

Surprisingly enough, he's a relatively good dad

I feel like, once you mentioned you had a child he would pull the most annoyed face

He may even tell you that that's a deal breaker

But in reality, he's just...kind of scared

What if he doesn't do a good job? What if the child doesn't like him? Will he really be able to give them a good home and sense of security?

But once they actually meet and start interacting with one another; he'll turn into the most caring person ever

Since he's already raised someone once (Gin, since I doubt Dazai did jack to help) he already has the basics down, and he knows how to show his tender side

Not to mention that Gin will be the cool aunt everyone will look forward to seeing, because she can be both a beautiful lady and super cool assassin (the child calls her a ninja)

Aku knows how to cook, fight me on this

He also knows how to entertain kids and how to clean up after them (and how to clean in general) but oh boy... When it comes to things such as "Hey let's not bring a toddler to battle ground and make them fight" he is AWFUL

You'll have to lecture him on that so much

"I have fought from a young age too. I don't see why they shouldn't."

"Sir this is a McDonald's drive thru"

Once you get over that issue it's smooth sailing tho

"Y...You have a child...? Okay, I hope I won't disappoint them..."

HE IS PANICKING

All his life he's been told that he's worthless, a useless good for nothing that would be better off dead, so much so that he doesn't even think he deserves you as his s/o, let alone a child!!

Since he never had proper parents or proper parental figures in his life, he's worried that he won't know what to do

Worst of all 一 he's worried he might end up being an abuser himself (although that literally cannot happen)

You try and calm him down, telling him that you've seen how gentle he is with Kyouka and Kenji, and that you trust him very much...but he's still quite anxious

That all will change when he actually meets the child tho

If it's a baby or toddler, he'll be around them non stop and will literally not let a fly hurt them

If the kid is a bit older he won't be that watchful of them, but rather, he will try and bond with them via whatever interests the kid has

"You like Pokemon...? Oh my gosh me too!!" Cue him googling pokemon names so that he can flex by knowing every one

The kid will LOVE him

Will be very quick to accept him as their father

Not to mention they will adore his tiger form, and find it so so cute tbh

Many shopping sprees I imagine!! Atsushi isn't the most rich but he wants them to have good and pretty clothes that they will like wearing

Also they will sleep in a tiger onesie

"..."

"That's...uh..."

He's speechless

Not in a bad way of course, he's just...speechless

He'll set aside his ideals for now, because that's just something horrendous in his mind

His inner monologue probably looks like this "How ROTTEN does a man have to be to leave a such beautiful woman alone, that's just plain ridiculous! BUT TO LEAVE HER WHEN SHE ALREADY HAS A CHILD, THAT'S JUST UNACCEPTABLE. SCUM OF THE EARTH."

But his face is just...a stumped expression

ಠ_ಠ

He genuinely doesn't know how to respond, he'll probably fiddle out an awkward statement of supporting you regardless of that

He'll be flabbergasted for an entire week following that trust me

Once he meets the child he's going to be EXACTLY like one of those strict fathers that yell at their children...not

He's actually a big softie

He'll be like "OI don't eat that!!!...Well... I guess a little bit is okay... Please don't tell mom."

Can you believe a man so stoic is so soft when it comes to the ones he loves? Me too I can also believe it

He WILL however be keeping a watchful eye on them constantly

He couldn't bare the guilt of having anything bad happen to them, genuinely

Also he cooks their favorite meal a little too frequently, it's kinda sus mr kunikuni

#bungou stray dogs #akutagawa headcanons #bsd akutagawa #akutagawa x reader #atsushi x reader #atsushi nakajima #atsushi headcanons #bungou stray dogs atsushi #bsd atsushi #bsd kunikida #bungou stray dogs kunikida #kunikida fluff #kunikida x reader #kunikida doppo #kunikida imagines

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applepride · 3 years ago

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His Final Act.

TRIGGER WARNING: SU!C!D3

December 1th,

“Kunikida~” Dazai called in a sing-song tone.

The man in question was sitting at his desk, seemingly looking through documents from their last case. When he answered, he didn’t spare even a glance at his coworker. “What is it, Dazai?”

“I just was wondering if we were gonna put a tree up this year, you know for the holidays!”

“We only did that last year because we were hosting a western client. However,” Kunikida opened his notebook, “From what I gather, Atsushi-kun used to celebrate it in his orphanage, Yes?”

Dazai nodded.

“That's what I thought. Well, after our last case, I feel its best we apologise to him. He took half the blow while we stood by. So, I guess we will be having a tree.”

“Awesome!”

December 17th

Junichiro was walking to his desk in the office, back from lunch break quicker than everyone else, and found something quite strange.

“Dazai-san?”

“Hm?” Dazai looked up from his desk, pausing his movements. On his desk was a roll of wrapping paper, tape, and a few boxes.

“What are you doing?” Asked the ginger.

Dazai didn’t take a second, never faltered, and not once stopped what he’d been doing. “I’m wrapping presents of course!”

“Presents?”

“Yeah, for under the tree! I decided to give everyone something.”

“Oh’kay.”

Junichiro didn’t question the fact that his superior was happier than usual. So much so, he chalked it up to being the ‘holiday spirit’.

December 25th.

Since christmas wasn't a national holiday in Japan, most businesses stayed open. Like, the armed detective agency. That's why they were open and avid, working as per-usual. Save for Dazai.

“Bye, everyone! Don’t forget to bring home the gifts I gave you~”

This morning, they did have a small christmas party. Hot coco, eggnog, cookies, candycanes, etc. The whole nine yards. That included gift giving. But, Dazai had asked if everyone could wait until they left the office to open his gift.

Yosano, Akiko

When she left, she’d made sure to put the gift in her bag. Honestly, she almost forgot about it when she got home, if not for her cat.

Opening it, she was met with a knife. It looked like a western hunters knife, but one no less. The blade was hidden with a leather cover while the handle was out.

She picked up the letter that went along with it.

Kunikida, Dappo

Kunikida stared at the gift box in his hand, wondering what Dazai could have possibly got him that he would have needed to wait for. That was answered when he lifted the lid. It was Dazai’s black coat.

After Kunikida found out about Dazai having been in the port mafia, he was told about his coat. It was sleek black and full of red, blood, stains that you could only see a light outline of up close. Along with it was a check and a note. The check, Kunikida read, was for 100,000 yen. As for the reasoning on the check, For all the times you paid the bill.

Then, he read the note.

He left a letter for everyone, giving them each as well what he would have given in his will. Dazai thought about that fact, It’s funny. He always got to this point, maybe to this distance, but never at this level. He was sure most of them were going to cry once they read the letters, but that didn’t phase him. He was more concerned about the letter he left his ex-colleagues. He wondered if they would even care, Chuuya might not but would Ango?

He didn’t know. He only knew the scenery in front of him, he’d been here so many times, but this time he’d succeed.

He watched as the sun set, closing on this day. That's when he knew it was truly time. That's when he, Dazai Osamu, finally jumped. That was the end of his final act.

Yet, the only act had been his life.

#bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs #writing #happy christmas #happy xmas #xmas #fanfic #dabble #original writing #ahaha <3 #bsd angst #angst #hurt no comfort #no comfort

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anomia-sama · 4 years ago

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♔Meeting at court ♔

Welcome to my Kingdom, oh precious wanderer!

I’m Anomia and I’m the queen of this land this is a personal blog I’ll use to share with all of you my passions: anime, manga, tv series and writing.

I never did it before, so I’m kinda a beginner, but I read a lot about it and I just wanna try to write scenarios, headcanons and oneshots.

But, first of all, let’s know each other!

♔ Anomia ♔

So, who am I?

That’s a really good question, thanks for asking.

⊱ Name: I love my privacy, so I will present myself as Anomia or Anomia-sama (feel free to call me Your Highness, I won’t complain).

⊱ Age: This is a royal secret, but I’m an oldie.

⊱ Pronouns: she/her

⊱ Occupation: I’m a young psychologist and I hope to become a writer.

⊱ Passions: Chocolate, anime, music, books, flowers.

⊱ About me: I started writing when I was pretty young, almost 14 years ago. During my life I wrote short stories and fanfiction, I’m a Roleplayer (not here on Tumblr) and when I’m not working I’m probably writing something. English is not my first language, so please be patient with my errors and gently correct me, I will apreciate it! I write quite better in my mother language, Italian, so if you are an italian fan don’t hesitate! Scriverò su richiesta nella nostra bellissima lingua.

⊱ Warnings: As I told, I have a job and a private life. So, there will be time when I need to work hard, temporarily neglecting my hobbies.

♔ What can you ask for? ♔

⌈ Scenario ⌋

Well, when I talk about scenarios, I mean a very short story involving you and the character you’re asking for or two different characters. Scenarios often don’t have a proper plot, but describe one single situation or scene.

Example: A romantic scenario with Satoru Gojo.

⌈ Headcanon ⌋

If you’re here, you perfectly know what a headcanon is, don’t you? You can ask for a headcanon list about one or more characters. I write generic headcanons, couple headcanons, Character x Reader headcanons.

Example: Headcanon about Osamu Dazai having a crush on y/n.

⌈ One-shot ⌋

A One-shot story can be short or long, following my inspiration, it has a plot and a specific storyline. It’s more descriptive and detailed than a Scenario, it includes dialogues and consequently it requires me more time, expecially in english. So, if you ask for a one-shot, please be patient!

Example: A One-shot about Dabi and his s/o shopping (lol).

♔ What do I write about? ♔

I’m just a beginner and I write about anime I actually watch but not about every single character.

However, I can try to do it sometimes, and maybe you can introduce me to new anime or new characters.

The list is always being updating.

Jujutsu Kaisen:

Satoru Gojo

Suguru Geto

Ryomen Sukuna

Yūji Itadori

Megumi Fushiguro

Nobara Kugisaki

Yūta Okkotsu

Toge Inumaki

Maki Zen'in

Kento Nanami

Yu Haibara

Junpei Yoshino

Naoya Zen'in

Bungou Stray Dogs:

Osamu Dazai

Ranpo Edogawa

Atsushi Nakajima

Doppo Kunikida

Akiko Yosano

Kyouka Izumi

Ryunosuke Akutagawa

Gin Akutagawa

Kouyou Ozaki

Chūya Nakahara

Mori Ogai

Michizō Tachihara

Suehiro Tetchō

Saigiku Jōno

Tokyo Revengers:

Manjiro "Mikey" Sano

Shinichiro Sano

Emma Sano

Izana Kurokawa

Kazutora Hanemiya

Keisuke Baji

Chifuyu Matsuno

Takashi Mitsuya

Ken "Draken" Ryuuguji

Hajime "Koko" Kononoi

Seishu "Inupi" Inui

Ran Haitani

Rindou Haitani

Haruchiyo "Sanzu" Akashi

Shuji Hanma

Kakucho Hitto

Others (you can propose other characters, I will tell you if I'm ready to try!)

♔ How to...? ♔

Now that we know each other, you can just read my rules and ask!

Requests are officially OPEN!

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mahkaria · 5 years ago

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Of novelists and stray dogs - CHAPTER 4

Inferno

In a dark alleyway, not too far away from the shopping district, a crowd had started to form. Most of them were men in their twenties. Dark tattoos covered their arms and their neck, as if they took pleasure in looking like stereotypical villains. They didn’t say anything.

Finally, a woman taller than the other arrived. A deep, unpleasant smirk almost cut her face in two and as she moved forward, her subordinates parted to let her pass.

No respect could be seen on their face. Only fear and regret. This woman : Katou Misao, but she was more often called The Puppeteer ; the leader of The Black Warriors .

“Boss, one of our men managed to find the list.”

“Well? Don’t make me wait and give it to me.” She ordered.

A small book was given to her. On it, the list of all the businesses under Port Mafia’s protection.

“Perfect.” She purred. “Hana, I believe you can take care of it?” She asked to one her lieutenants.

“Of course, boss.”

“Then get to it.”

The teenager took it. Who would have thought she would use her ability this way?

His whole body hurt. He could feel his muscles contract and relax at regular intervals as they pressured his bones.

Atsushi groaned.

The mornings after a transformation were never a pleasant experience. Never.

Good thing he had finally sent his most recent short story. He didn’t want to move even a finger away from his futon..

His phone rang.

A new groan from Atsushi.

He stood up as slowly as he could his whole body cursing him for this decision. He picked up.

“Hello, Atsushi-kun. How are you?”

“Good morning, Tanaka-san. I’m fine and you?”

“I wanted to talk about your new work.” He explained.

“It’s not good enough, is it ?”

“Of course it is. I told you not to worry about it. Just, my superior read it and wanted me to pass a message.”

It’s never good when a sentence starts like that.

“He finds your style extremely dynamic and thinks it would be better for you if you were to - how do I put it? - write about different themes.”

“What? But -”

“It would sell better and be more attractive to new readers, don’t you think?”

Atsushi didn’t know what to answer.

It was thanks to the said editor in chief he had been able to find this apartment. A friend of his had agreed to lend him the place as long as he kept working for them. He was a nice forty-nine years old who had greatly encouraged Atsushi. He owed him more than he could ever pay back.

If that’s what he wants I can’t go against him but -

“I’m sorry I -”

“Atsushi-kun, you do want to keep having a job, right?”

“Of course.”

“Then, you should do what I say. Stories about mythology and historical events are fine but they get boring with time. You won’t keep earning a lot if you only focus on this.”

“Yes but-”

“I’m your editor, don’t you trust me?” Tanaka asked.

“Of course I do !”

“Then do as I say. Write about more modern subjects. I know you’re a kid and can’t totally understand it but I’m only here to advise you. Listen to me or you could really regret it.”

“I see, thank you very much.”

“Glad we understand each other. I’ll wait for you next story then. I’m sure you’ll do great, it won’t be too hard for you to change, right?”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Cool, have a nice day.”

“Good bye.” Atsushi stuttered.

A soft bip and the young boy was alone with his thoughts. All hopes of a peaceful morning had vanished with one conversation.

What does writing about more modern subject even mean? He wondered.

Until now, Kunikida, his grandmother and Sensei had always praised his writings. Did they only do it by mere politeness? No, they weren’t this kind of people. Kunikida was as blunt as an uppercut; a trait he shared with his caretaker.

Sensei firmly valued honesty and had never hesitated at criticizing Atsushi when it was needed. He wouldn’t lie.

He trusted them more than anyone but at the same time…

Maybe he should go to a bookshop see which were the best sellers?

He fell on his futon once again.

I’ll do it later.

As his eyes were about to close once again, another ringing disturbed him. From his door this time.

He didn’t expect anyone. It would either be publicity or one of his neighbours. They could wait. Atsushi threw his pillow over his head. Only a hurricane would prevent him from resting.

After a moment, no sound came.

One minute

Two minutes

Three minutes

They had probably left.

“At - su - shi - kun ~” A giggling voice whispered next to his ear.

A deep shriek shook the whole building.

“Wow, so energetic when you just woke up? I’m envious !”

“Da- Dazai-san?”

“Yo! Atsushi-kun ! How are you in this fine day?”

The said boy looked left and right. Then left and right once more. No, there was no mistake on his part. It was indeed still his apartment. So it only meant one thing.

“Dazai-san, please stop picking my lock !” He screamed.

“But you weren’t answering.”

“I could have been absent.” Atsushi protested.

“You only go out in the afternoon. In the morning, you just work.”

“How do you know that?”

“That’s a secret!”

I haven’t seen him in three days and I already can’t deal with him anymore. Atsushi sighed.

“Ca- Can I help you?”

“Odasaku and I are going to explore the city.”

“Have fun, then.”

“Want to come with us?”

“My apologies but I really can’t come with you right now.”

“Do you have something to do?”

“No, but -”

“Then, there is no problem. Come on!”

A hand sneaked inside his warm bed covers. Its temperature could compare to an iceberg’s. Not something pleasant to come upon when you wanted to relax.

Before he could screech in outrage, he felt it pull him away from the comfort of his futon. Atsushi clawed at his futon in the hope to stay protected but in vain. For such a thin person, Dazai had more strength than it first appeared. Stubbornness too since no matter how hard Atsushi’s other foot kicked him, he refused to let go.

“Good fighting spirit but I won’t lose !” Dazai proclaimed.

And with one final push Atsushi’s face met the hard floor.

“Now, get ready, Atsushi-kun, for we are going on a great adventure !”

“I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“No, you don’t.”

Dazai’s smile had widened so much he could have passed for the Cheshire Cat. He patted Atsushi’s hair softly and with one more smile he went out of the room but added before :

“Get dressed, Atsushi-kun. Stimulating your mind from time to time is a good thing.”

Once fully clothed, he found Oda outside. The older man sent him a sorry smile as Dazai complained about how long he had taken to get ready.

“I’m sorry if it sounds rude but shouldn’t you be at work?” Atsushi wondered.

“He is working.” Dazai said while pointing at the cast around his arm. “Odasaku is my bodyguard for the day.”

Once again, he felt shivers run through his body. Few jobs necessitated to have this kind of protection.

Without wanting to, he had fallen into quite a troublesome situation.

“Now, gentlemen, let’s go.” Dazai cheerfully said.

“Are you sure it is safe to bring him here?” Odasaku whispered as they walked toward the shopping district.

“It will be fine, nothing should happen.”

His friend nodded as the worry in his eyes faded.

You shouldn’t trust me this much, Odasaku. I’ll end up disappointing you.

A hand caught his arm. His head rose up and met an intense stare from his friend.

“I know you’re planning something.” He said. “But I also know you’re not actively trying to hurt Nakajima. Don’t worry, Dazai.”

“I’m the epitome of calmness, Odasaku.”

Nakajima Atsushi was a strange kid, Dazai quickly realized (again).

As they travelled through the city, he would often stop and write in his notebook as he stared with wonder at whatever was in front of him. When he had looked over his shoulder, he had seen nothing but gibberish which didn’t make any sense.

It didn’t seem to faze Odasaku. When Atsushi had done it for the first time he had merely watched and hadn’t said anything as if it was perfectly normal.

Was it some weird habit of writers he couldn’t understand?

Another strange habit was how he had tried to escape when Odasaku had proposed to buy him a drink. Why would someone react so violently because of a bottle of green tea?

This, associated to what he had discovered at the orphanage told him enough about the kid than he needed. Only one last information and he would have enough datas.

As they entered a bookshop he saw Atsushi stiffen.

“Is there anything wrong, Nakajima?”

“No, not at all. Do you mind if I take a look around?”

“Of course not, we have time.”

Odasaku followed him. Protectiveness or curiosity about his favorite author? Good question.

Dazai looked at his best friend as he talked with the kid about literature. It had been a while since he had looked so happy.

Romance. Thriller. Pseudo Psychology.

Nothing which went well with his style or which really interested him. Great.

Atsushi forced himself to read the summary of the best seller of the week, a book titled : A mysterious Girl . He had read a few books of this particular writer. They always followed the same pattern which after a while destroyed the novelist’s style. Solid writing was important but remained superficial if the plot didn’t follow.

I’ll never be able to write something like that.

He liked thriller, even loved it sometimes but he didn’t want to write them. Romance by itself was often boring (apart from a few exceptions) and psychology, well…

At twelve years old, how was he supposed to give life advice? He didn’t know enough to really help this way.

“I didn’t know you liked this kind of story.” Oda commented behind him.

“They are not my cup of tea.” He admitted. “But it’s never too late to broaden your horizon, right?”

The uncertain look he got perfectly mirrored his own thoughts.

He didn’t like those books or even worse, he was indifferent toward them. Yet, Tanaka wanted him to write something like those?

“You don’t seem well.” Oda said.

“I feel-”

As he was about to keep talking, a smell interrupted him. It reminded him of a dying fire, when the last sparks of red faded away in the dark. A mix of smoke and burnt wood.

He turned around. Where did it come from?

A few meters away, a young woman was busy reading a poetry collection. Tears came down her face as she closed it and put it away.

For a moment, their eyes met. She -

“Nakajima?”

“Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts.”

“That’s okay. Are you going to buy it?”

“Y- Yes, I am.”

They came out after this. Oda had bought a book from Robert Louis Stevenson. Atsushi wasn’t drooling over it. Not at all.

“I’ll lend it to you once I am done.” The older said.

“Thank you.”

Outside, an unexpected awaited them. Dazai kept jumping from right to left as a red haired young man kept trying to kick him.

“Will you remain still, you damn bastard?”

“Chuuya is getting slower. Must be old age.” Dazai singsonged as he avoided a nasty strike which would have robbed him from his front teeth.

“I’m going to show you “old age”, you fucking jerk.”

Passerbys watched them with a mix of amusement and displeasure as the two young men kept wreaking havoc in the street.

“Is Dazai-san okay?”

“Don’t worry, they’re always like that.”

It didn’t really make him feel better.

The newcomer jumped forward and barely missed Dazai. HIs fist met a wall. When he took it away : a hole as big as a football.

“He didn’t forget to hold back this time.” Oda commented.

That’s holding back?

“I said stop moving !”

“Oda-san, why is he so angry?”

“I don’t know. Probably because of something Dazai said.”

“You’re my dog ! You shouldn’t be trying to hit me every time.” The young executive whined.

“I’d rather die.” Another wall fell victim to his fury.

Some people had started to film the whole fight. Did they not see it wasn’t a joke?

Dazai burst into laughter.

Okay, he understood why no one was taking the situation seriously.

“They’re attracting a lot of attention.” Oda noticed.

“Is it bad?”

“It’s not something Dazai would do without a plan.” He conceded.

Instinctively, his body moved toward Atsushi so the boy would be closer. If something was to happen, he would need protection.

After a moment, the two teenagers calmed down and came toward them. A deep flush of exasperation could still be seen on Chuuya’s face.

“Nakahara.” He saluted.

“Oda. Still dealing with the mackerel’s bullshit?”.

“Well, someone has to.” He said lightly.

No teasing could have sounded fonder. It was another proof of how much Dazai and Oda shared a strong bond. As Dazai’s fake hurt exploded, Chuuya and Oda exchanged a silent conversation. Atsushi would have been unable to interpret it.

That’s when the new boy noticed him. Scrutinizing azure eyes fixed him. If seeing him fight was terrifying, it was nothing in comparaison of having his whole attention.

“Who are you?”

“Na-Nakajima Atsushi. Pleasure to meet you.”

“Nakahara Chuuya. You took another charity case?” He grumbled to his partner.

You would have had to be deaf in order not to hear Dazai’s laughters.

“Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?”

“Soon, you’ll regret your words and I’m waiting for this moment.”

“You make even less sense than usual. Congrats, I guess.”

However, discomfort and suspicion had appeared. Dazai often liked to provoc him without any reason. Seeing Chuuya worry about nothing had some kind of interest he could quite fathom. But, it seemed different right now.

Suddenly, his conversation with Prof Specs came back to his mind.

"for such a young kid to be a writer"

“Please, tell me I’m wrong.”

“You know I’ll never lie to you, Chuu-ya ~”

“I hate you so fucking damn much.”

The two last days, the two of them had had to deal with a rival gang. It would have been easy had they not put their hands on high level weapons. A dozen of their subordinates had been killed. Dazai got a broken arm and Chuuya a very strong need to hit the wall with his head.

He had collapsed and had been woken up by an annoying buzz from his phone. The text received was the following :

Hello, little hatrack ! How is the weather down there?

Have you faded out of existence yet? If you haven’t, go to this address [position] as soon as possible !!! You’ll see something interesting. No I’m not talking about poor quality hats. Get your mind out of the gutter. Something really interesting !!!

If you have indeed faded out of existence well… see you in hell! I’ll be allowed to annoy you for the rest of eternity. Can’t wait (ᗒᗨᗕ)(＾▽＾)(◕⍸ ◕✿)

In his exhaustion, Chuuya had written a very eloquent answer :

Fuck you. Seriously how can you be so fucking annoying?

Dazai, always the same, had replied :

(∩^o^)⊃━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

Killing him would be too nice of a punishment. Chuuya had a ten pages long list of things he would do to him before achieving him.

Despite his foul mood, he had exited his room and went to the place indicated. They were partners but didn’t communicate more than needed. If Dazai had written to him, it was important.

Right now, as he stared at a too thin and scared kid, he wondered if he hadn’t done it just for this to happen. If he hadn’t woken up so early he would have never been so rough and Dazai knew it. The jerk.

Words refused to get out of his mouth.

“Chuuya looks like a fish.” Dazai snickered.

“I don’t want to hear that from you.”

Oda and Atsushi were still watching them. The older had a small almost invisible amused light in his eyes. Of course he would find the situation funny, he wasn’t friend with the bastard for nothing.

“Listen…” God, those scared purple eyes. Hello, guilt, nice to see you again. “Hum…”

“Wow, you’re terrible at it.” Dazai commented as Oda nodded.

“You, shut the trash hole you call a mouth !” Chuuya tsked.

“Rude. What is Atsushi-kun going to think?”

At this moment, Chuuya realized two things :

Firstly, he’d never be able to have a real conversation with the author if Dazai was still here.

Secondly, he had always been more focused on action rather than thoughts. He wouldn’t change today. Brawn instead of brain.

He put Atsushi on his shoulder and ran.

Mad cackles shook Dazai’s whole body. Oda waited for his friend to calm down and then asked:

“You knew this would happen?”

“Well, of course ! Chibi’s actions aren’t exactly hard to anticipate. When in a strenuous situation he’ll either attack or run away. Since Atsushi-kun was here he couldn’t allow himself to traumatize him even more since he respects him.”

“You wanted Nakahara to meet him.”

“Maybe.”

“It’s nice of you.”

“Why?”

“Well, thanks to you he met someone he admires.”

“Do I look like such a kind person?” He wondered aloud.

“You do, why?”

Warmth invaded his face but he managed to hide it.

Seriously Odasaku, don’t say this kind of thing…

“Because what just happened is only a part of my plan.”

Chuuya ran until they reached the central place. In its middle, a fountain stood surrounded by multi coloured flowers. It would have calming had he not been on someone he barely knew’s shoulder.

Why is it my life?

He was put down carefully which allowed him to have a better view of his kidnapper (?). His azure eyes didn’t look at him, his embarrassment obvious.

“Sorry for that.”

“T-That’s alright.”

“Stop looking as if I’m going to murder you. I just wanted to talk.” He ordered before sighing. “God, this stupid mackerel is right I’m terrible at this.” Then : “Don’t tell him I said that.”

“I won’t.”

A moment of silence. This whole situation couldn’t have been more awkward. Chuuya had never lived worse and he had once gotten his hair dyed by Dazai. Having almost rainbow hair for two months had been a nightmare. No enemy took you seriously when you looked like a cartoon character.

“So, you’re Tsukishiro Ren?” He asked after a moment of hesitation.

Now, that wasn’t a question he expected.

“Yes.”

“Didn’t think you would be a kid.”

“I know it is disappointing.”

“That’s not what I said. It’s just surprising, I guess. The subjects of your books made me think you were older.”

Atsushi thought about the scars adorning his back and his ribs. Decorations which wouldn’t leave him until his death.

“Experience and age aren’t as related as people like to think.”

“I won’t argue with you on that one. Can I buy you something to drink? It’ll be an apology for dragging you here.”

“There is no need to.”

“ ‘Should have known you’d say this. You look like the kind of person who won’t accept anything because they think they’ll be a burden. That’s stupid. Follow me.”

Nakahara Chuuya, Atsushi understood quickly, was like fire. He could both warm and burn but what he did he always did it with a passion no one could relate to.

As he talked to the young writer about his stories, about small details even he had started to forget, he felt joy blossoming inside of him.

Maybe I’m worth being read.

After a moment, the feared awaited question came :

“What are you currently working on?”

“Nothing for the moment. I’m still looking for ideas.”

“No inspiration?”

“My editor wants me to change what I write about.” Atsushi confessed.

“But why? Doesn’t it sell well? I checked how many of your short stories collection you sold. It’s good enough, right ?”

“For me it is, but he doesn’t seem satisfied.”

Chuuya stared at him for a moment. He bore the same bewildered expression that Atsushi had carried sooner. But more than this, pain could be read on his face. He didn’t want this to happen.

Considering his line of work, I didn’t expect him to be as affected as he is by this.

Yet, Atsushi couldn’t deny a part of him liked this turn of event. Sensei, Kunikida and his grandmother then Oda and Chuuya.

Having people who cared was nice.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll manage somehow.”

“No way, I’m not letting you deal with it by yourselves. Don’t worry, I’ll-”

Before Chuuya could finish, a deep unpleasant smell came to his attention. Something was burning.

“Nakahara-san, we should-”

He didn’t manage to finish his warning.

The world burst into flames.

Red and oranges tongues were eating away at one of the closest building. From what remained of the front windows he could see it used to be an antiquity shop. Now, it only served as combustible for a fire which had no intention to stop.

“So interesting things are finally starting to happen.” Someone commented.

“Did you follow us?” Chuuya snarled.

“As if it was complicated. You can hardly be called discrete, chibi.” Dazai mocked.

“Is that what you wanted to see?” Oda asked as he pointed to the fire who was starting to spread to other shops.

“The boss wanted me to investigate. Some of our “associates” have found themselves in troublesome position. Most of them live around this street.”

“They should still be around. Let’s find them.”

“Is the hatrack giving orders now? How bold for someone who isn’t an executive.”

“Want me to punch you again?”

“O please, you didn’t even manage to-”

“They are going to get away if you keep fighting.” Oda commented.

“Shit, you’re right. Atsushi, you should stay here. Or maybe go- Wait, what are you doing?”

In front of them, a little girl stood. She looked lost and kept walking backward and forward.

“Are you alright?” Atsushi asked her softly. Her face was covered in tears.

“Daddy is still inside.”

Insi- O no !

It had been a few minutes since everything had started. Soon, the building would collapse, his foundations too damaged to maintain it. If he wanted to do something it had to be now.

I can’t do it. It’s impossible.

Someone like you can’t do anything.

The tiger growled.

“Mister?”

“Yes?”

“Is he gonna be okay?” She had to be around three or four years old. Maybe a little bit older.

Someone like you can’t do anything , the headmaster’s voice repeated. We’ll only know that if I try , he retorted.

Atsushi knew he didn’t have the confidence to do it but…

Many people had believed in him and in his capacities. He knew he would survive this. The tiger and he didn’t get along but the beast was still protective of him no matter what.

He could do it.

“Yes, he is.” Atsushi said to the child.

“Nakaji-”

Atsushi ran.

It felt like being inside the strange mix between a volcano and a nightmare. Everything was searing and suffocating. Around him he could see the remnants of objects which could have been beautiful before but which just looked downright terrifying at the moment. Stuffed animals and porcelain dolls didn’t look better when fire was devouring them.

Walking had never been this hard. Each step was painful. Most of the time, he didn’t even know where to put his feet in order not to get burnt.

Another problem was to find the man. Fortunately, his eyes had never betrayed him. When he opened them once again, white had turned into yellow and his human pupils became cat-like.

He is in the back shop.

His skin burnt and his lungs hated him. Smoke filled them and no matter how much he healed, it hurt. Tears fell down his face and with each of them it felt like a part of his life was leaving him.

Opening the door turned out to be a trial. When he finally managed it, his skin had taken a dark red colour. He brushed it away. He had endured worse.

“I have nothing against you, sir, but I have orders.” A soft voice whispered as he entered the back shop.

How could she be so calm at an instant like this?

Big brown eyes stared at him when she finally noticed him. It was the girl from the bookshop.

“What are you doing here?” She panicked.

He didn’t have the strength to answer back. He bent down and caught the man in front of him. Consciousness had almost left him.

“And he’s just a kid ! I can’t kill a kid ! I’m in trouble, so much trouble.” She was so lost in her own thoughts, she didn’t budge when he left.

He had better things to do than listen to a pyromaniac.

Carrying him would be an almost herculean task but he could manage. Slowly, he brought him to the exit.

No air in his lungs, no real path to follow which wasn’t covered by burning ruins and a heat so violent it was as if he was being cooked.

Each part of his body had been strengthened by his ability. Thanks to it, he was able to reach his goal. Relief flooded in his body. That was until he heard it.

The building will not hold for much longer.

He only had a few meters left. Only a few meters and he could see the sunlight again. Real warmth instead of this inferno. Atsushi tried to move quicker.

It wasn’t enough.

He perceived with extreme clarity the moment when the place gave up. Cracks turned into snaps and that was it.

Stones were raining on them. Had he been alone, he might have a chance to avoid it but right now?

Would his healing even work if he was crushed like an ant? It was something he was probably about to find out.

Closer and closer. Nothing could stop them. He could already feel his bones break under the stones’ weight.

Closer and closer. He still remembered the little girl’s words.

Closer and closer. Maybe it would end quickly and not be painful..

“After all, she only asked me to destroy this place. It’s not my fault if you don’t die.”

A tornado of flames went over their head and projected the debris away from them. He turned back.

The young woman was watching them. Her brown hair flew behind like an imitation of the fire she had caused.

“Leave, now or I won’t be able to protect you this time.”

“T-Thank you.” He whispered. Talking was close to impossible.

“It’s my fault if this is happening. Don’t thank me, please, and leave.”

He tried to answer but his throat refused and he decided to nod toward her instead.

The smile she gave him was one of the saddest he had ever seen.

When he finally exited and joined a cooler, less painful world, someone was waiting for them. Oda’s hair was going in all sort of different directions and a strong agitation had invaded his eyes. He went as far away as possible from the former shop, delicately put the man down and once he had checked the man was still breathing, he walked toward Oda.

“Are you alright?” Atsushi inquired.

The man opened his mouth as if he didn’t believe what he was hearing.

“You- you…”

“Maybe you should sit. You’re really pale, Oda-sa-”

A pair of arms engulfed him and stuck to a muscled chest. It didn’t feel uncomfortable. Quite the contrary but Atsushi couldn’t understand why he was doing it.

“Is something wrong?”

“You’re probably the stupidest, bravest kid I have ever met. Don’t you ever do that again.” Oda ordered.

“I can’t apologize for what I did.”

“I knew you were going to say that.” Oda chuckled.

The same strong hands were holding him as if he was an anchor. As if he didn’t want him to disappear. Fingers ran through his hair. They were shorter now, the fire had latched onto them and if the tiger hadn’t helped he probably would have faced far worse consequences.

“We need to bring you to an hospital.”

“It’s not necessary. I’m fine.”

For sole answer, Oda moved away, took Atsushi’s arm and brought it in front of his eyes. His skin had taken an almost crayfish shade. Most of his hairs had darkened and he could see a rather nasty burnt on his leg now that he paid a real attention. His lungs were also tightening painfully in his chest which didn’t predict anything good.

“Adrenaline?” He wondered.

“It’s going to start hurting soon. Someone called an ambulance. It should take too long to arrive so stay as still as you can.” Oda acquiesced.

As Atsushi was about to protest - he was fine , in a few minutes most of his wounds would have disappeared - Chuuya and Dazai joined them.

“She ran away, the bitch.” Chuuya complained.

“That’s because you were too slow, chibi.” Dazai explained. “At least now we know what she looks like.”

“Say that again, you damn bas-”

“You’re still alive, Atsushi-kun, I thought for a moment we’d have to find you a nice green spot to bury you. That’s surprising.”

“Shut up, mackerel. You alright here?”

“I’m fine.”

“That’s quite the stunt you pulled here.”

“I had the ability to help.” Atsushi said, his voice oddly resolved. “So I did.”

A moment of silence and then his interlocutor’s face contorted with distaste.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Chuuya kept cursing. “You managed to find the only person more suicidal than the mackerel.”

“I am offended.” Dazai smiled as his hand started messing with Atsushi’s hair. “He behaved like the perfect suicidal maniac without any of my influence.”

Coughs climbed up and Atsushi’s whole body started protesting as he felt his whole blood boil.

It hurt. Why have I stopped healing?

The tiger was no longer present in his head. He had disappeared like flowers during winter. Only fear and panic remained. The taste of copper invaded his mouth and his mind blurred. Without the strength of the beast, he couldn’t manage to stand any longer.

“Nakajima, are you al-”

His legs gave out as his mind disconnected from reality. Falling into the dark didn’t take more than a second.

#bungou stray dogs #Dazai Osamu #atsushi nakajima #Oda Sakunosuke #Nakahara Chuuya #dazatsu

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