#All my knowledge comes from my Tolkien-loving friends

[rahabs]

I’m so glad I’ve never been a huge Tolkien fan, or I’d be pretty angry at whatever lore-disrespecting nonsense Rings of Power is continuously pulling.

[sorcerousundries]

If you're taking requests, could you please write something about which Lotr and The Hobbit characters would be most attracted to a reader who's really intelligent and good at debating them? Like I'm picturing a sort of Rivals to Lovers dynamic where the reader is super smart and really good at arguing their points, but I'm curious which Tolkien characters you think would be most into that type of partner 🤔

I can totally picture Eomer falling for a person like that because he honestly seems perfect for Enemies to Lovers arcs, but tldr what Tolkien characters do you think would be most attracted to a super intelligent person who could debate them into the dirt? Thanks!

I have been alone all my life but with the compensations of intellect.

Lord of the rings and The hobbit characters react to an intelligent reader

Warnings: none

Includes: Elrond, Thranduil, Gimli and Éomer

A/n: thank you for your request <3

Content under the cut

Elrond — Friends to lovers

You and Elrond would meet in a fairly formal setting, maybe during a business gathering or a dinner of sorts.

You would be chatting with some high noble who would introduce you to lord Elrond and the two of you clicked immediately.

He would often invite you for tea and insist you stay for dinner, maybe offering you a bed as the hour gets later.

He is knowledgeable about history, lore and the affairs between both men and elves alike, he would likely be drawn to someone he can engage deeply in discussions of middle earths past, present and future.

The debates between you and lord Elrond would be competitive but friendly, if he lost he would shrug it off, the pinnacle of healthy masculinity. If he won, he wouldn’t care, maybe tease you if your friendship started to grow closer but never in a cruel, condescending way.

He would grow feelings slowly yet steadily, he would never force himself on you but he couldn’t deny the flutter of his heart whenever you’d smirk triumphantly as besting him during a debate of which medicine would be best to use for a rope burn, the simple action making his heart warm.

As your relationship turns romantic your playful banter wouldn’t stop, it would only grow, turning into silly debates before bed as you two move in chorus around the bedroom, performing your separate night routines though you’d never allow the room to grow silent as you chat about whatever topic comes to mind.

Overall he’d enjoy having a partner that he could chat away with, it’s rare that he finds someone who equals his intelligence, let alone best it.

Thranduil — Shared traumas

Thranduil would likely already be acquainted with you, after all the king knows everything that happens in his kingdom.

Though he only started to cultivate a relationship with you when you outwitted him in his own throne room, for the first time a millennium the king of the woodland realm was left speechless, you intrigued him, instead of sending you away he invited you to join him in his study.

The debates between you two would be filled with romantic tension, heated discussions would be filled with you leaned so forward your nose would also my be touching his, as you did something that countered his you would pull back, thoughts of how his eyes would dart down to your lips so quick you almost didn’t see it would flood your brain.

He would love discussing battle strategies and such, even better if an elf and you saw the battle for yourself.

Nothing pleases him more than falling back on you when he doubts his leadership skills, after having to listen to courtiers and advisors drone on about their ideas and excuses, he can go to and simply sit across the room as you answer his questions logically, not even looking up from your book.

Your relationship would start to turn romantic when he confided in you about his troubles, his worries for his son, even telling you about the death of his wife.

And who knows, maybe he’ll pull you in for a kiss before you turn in for the night.

Gimli — opposites attract

Gimli would first see you at the court of Elrond, during the forming of the fellowship.

He never thought his heart would lurch from his chest when he saw an elf sitting at lord Elrond side, chin held high and regal.

Not even his admiration for lady Galadriel could compare to the way his heart jumped at the sight of you.

While he’s not typically seen as a debater, Gimli has a strong sense of pride surrounding his culture and way of life, he would be drawn to someone who can engage in conversation about dwarven history and culture with him.

He would hold an immense level of respect for you, often coming to you to double check any technical blueprints or a different perspective if he’s struggling to visualise how something would come together. He would appreciate someone who can offer unbiased opinions not swayed by any existing rivalry between elves and dwarves.

Any debates with him would lively and high spirited,he would engage enthusiastically defending his views with passion and light hearted humour, your discussions could range from history and craftsmanship to the simple differences between elves and dwarves.

He would let out a small “oh!” As you kiss him on the cheek, nodding him a farewell after helping him find scrolls about an ancient smithing technique, his smile turning his eyes into slights as he pumps his fist once you’ve turned your back.

Eomer — Enemies to lovers

Eomer would find your intelligence intriguing and infuriating at the same time.

His warrior ideals and loyalty to Rohan would initially clash with your more logical approach to things, your debates would arise over strategies in battle most likely.

Early on in your relationship, misunderstandings were the main fuel to your bitter relationship. Your critical views on his leadership or warfare would be interpreted as disrespect, driving a wedge between you two.

But as the power of Sauron grows, you’re forced to put your differences aside.

He would begrudgingly admit that you’re actually very useful in a fight, offering new ideas that contrast his own.

However one night as your both sat around the fire, when every other solider has turned in for the night, he might open up, revealing to you his fears about not being a good leader, you in turn offer him insights and philosophical perspectives that resonate with him.

He thinks about the conversation when he nods silently before sauntering off to his tent, laying in bed staring up at the white linen cloth of his tent, the words he forgets as he slowly realises he in-fact wasn’t listening to your words, instead focusing on the curve of your lips and the brush of your eyelashes against your cheeks every time you blinked, the way your eyes gleamed as the fire crackled.

He frowns as the words “oh shit, I’m in love with them” echoed in his inner monologue.

He doesn’t tell you through words rather showing you, right before the rohirrims marched to Gondor he would give you heated kiss, displaying not his passion as a warrior, but as a lover.

[camille-lachenille]

I was thinking about Indis, which doesn’t happen very often, and decided she needed a craft of some sort after the Darkening bc her retiring in Valmar and mourning for the rest of eternity isn’t convincing me, thanks but no Professor Tolkien.

So what? Indis goes to Estë and learns the arts of Healing, because she has seen enough hurt and pain in her life and she wants to be able to do *something* even if it’s too late for her family. She becomes a pretty damn good healer and, when Eärendil manages to convinces the Valar to send an army to Beleriand, Indis joins the army as a battlefield healer. Her last son is going to war, she won’t sit back and turn her thumbs while he’s in danger.

What she sees in Beleriand is terrible and painful but, behind the grim reality of war, she sees what her children and grandchildren loved so much in Beleriand, and she remembers her youth under the stars.

Indis learns other healing methods from the Exiled healers, the Edain, anyone who is willing to exchange knowledge with her. She also meets a young healer named Elrond, who specialised in (more like invented) mind-healing, and Indis greedily learns everything he cam teach her, because healing the mind and soul is what her family would have needed.

The day Finarfin is grievously wounded, Indis is glad to have come, and she works restlessly along the other healers to save her son. Finarfin looses sight in one eye but lives, and it all she could ask for.

The war comes to an end and Indis returns to Valinor, weary but also feeling more like herself than in ages. Tirion is doing well under the regency of Findis, and Finarfin is able to recover peacefully.

Indis is there when Finrod is re-embodied and she helps him recover from the mental scars he still has. But this is not enough for her, not now that a lot of the Exiles have returned and most of the soldiers from Valinor are still scarred in many ways by the War of Wrath.

So Indis starts giving lectures on mind-healing in Tirion and Valmar’s universities, and teach any who is willing to learn. She has help from a few mind-healers who were taught by Elrond and sailed back West, and soon mind-healing is a fully recognised field of medicine.

Ages pass, people are re-embodied and others Sail, and Indis is happy to see they receive all the support they need. She retires, at some point, to spend time with her newly returned children and grand-children, and she finally takes the time to process her own grief she tried to forget for a long time.

And one day, Elrond sails to Valinor, and he asks an audience with the dowager queen Indis. Indis is surprised but accepts. The first thing Elrond does when he enters the room is to bow in front of her and thank Indis for everything she did here in Valinor. “Your teachings saved my wife, when she came here nearly fading,” he explains. “I wasn’t able to help her, but she told me everything about the support network she found here. And thank you for helping my parents, too.”

Indis can only hug Elrond closely, this great-great-great-great grandchild of her she never saw growing up. “I could have never done it without you, child, I must thank you, for your teachings healed my own family.”

And that is how Indis, former queen of the Noldor, and Elrond, heir to half a dozen titles but lord only of his own garden, became fast friends and a frankly terrifying duo when it came to talk some sense into someone.

[lady-winter-sunrise]

I don't know how many of you are fans of The Lord of the Rings, but I've been heavily invested in Tolkien since 2022, and being a fan of the books and their adaptations, I'd like to share my opinion...

Every Thursday we have a new episode of Rings of Power, next week will be the last episode of the second season. And as a newcomer, I would like to say that the LOR fans are very surprising. Besides Tolkien being a genius, he's one of the most perfectionist writers who ever existed, and this characteristic affects his readers to this day. Tolkien died more than 50 years ago, and even though he worked his entire life, he never finished his work, nor did he stop modifying and improving various details, so no matter how much we read, we will never get the full message. And I say this as someone with little knowledge, but who is willing to enjoy what's being made available by Tolkien's work, even in the midst of so many "attempts" to demoralize the series. To finish this idea, I would like to give my opinion on the most controversial event of the week, the kiss between Galadriel and Elrond.

Much of what I know about Galadriel and Elrond doesn't come from the books or the movies, but from the series, and I love the characters, especially for their flaws. And it doesn't matter how easy it may be to mix up past and future events, I would like to look at their present. Galadriel is in the worst moment of her life, she lost her brother, her husband and contributed to the rise of her greatest enemy, Elrond is the last one that she loves, so the breakdown of their relationship is very ambiguous. Because even if we know that they love each other, it's clear how opposite they are in the use of the rings. Elrond does everything to ensure that Galadriel doesn't become a victim of her failings, and she tries to overcome her pain, but that's not easy for anyone.

At that moment of the kiss, I didn't see the son-in-law kissing his mother-in-law, but rather a friend who loves Galadriel so much that he doesn't know what to do with his feelings. And I'm sure that Galadriel only sees Elrond as brother because she loves Caleborn, she knows what true love should be, which isn't the case with Elrond, as Calebrian hasn't been born yet. Once Elrond understands love all of this will change for him. And even if I was surprised, I saw this kiss as the proof that Elrond wouldn't put Galadriel above the war, just as she asked of him. But for Elrond, if that moment was the last they would ever have, he did what his heart called him to do. Even when they end up being friends, deep down Elrond had a doubt, witch I'm not concern about it, because when Elrond finds true love, he will know the answer to his question.

So for the present time of the show, I don't see the kiss as incomprehensible, but very sincere.

[imakemywings]

Analysis of Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth

The Athrabeth is one of those things which spawns endless fandom discussion, but a lot of it seems to misunderstand what's going on in Andreth and Finrod's discussion, which is understandable. There's a lot going on and the language can be difficult. Athrabeth serves two purposes: 1) on a meta level, it is Tolkien exploring the differing fates and beliefs of the peoples of Middle-earth; and 2) on a textual level, Finrod is both having a cultural exchange with and seeking to comfort Andreth about the loss of Aegnor, his brother whom she loved. The two discussions are necessarily tied together, because Andreth's bitterness and anger over the mortal fate of Men (which she believes to be unnatural, imposed on them by Melkor) is tied into her feelings about losing Aegnor.

I want to focus on the relationship we're shown between Andreth and Finrod.

The Cultural Exchange

Finrod first engages Andreth, a wise woman among her people, in a conversation about the beliefs and mythologies of the Beorians. I have often seen Finrod criticized for being condescending here, and while I suppose you could read that attitude into it, I don't. When Andreth accuses the Elves of condescension, of considering Men beneath them, Finrod agrees with her:

"Alas, you speak near the truth," said Finrod. "At least of many of my people; but not of all, and certainly not of me."

He freely admits many Elves wouldn't bother with Men because they do consider them "creatures of less worth." But Finrod is among Men, asking questions about their culture and their belief system, because it interests him. From the very beginning, the story tells us Finrod's interest in Men and their culture is genuine, whether or not Andreth believes that.

Finrod (son of Finarfin, son of Finwë) was the wisest of the exiled Noldor, being more concerned than all others with matters of thought...and he was eager moreover to discover all that he could concerning Mankind.

And he seems to respect Andreth as a keeper of her people's knowledge, even if he doesn't always agree with it. The story very much sets them up both as respected individuals among their peoples, with even the Elves acknowledging Andreth's intelligence and knowledge:

[Andreth] was wise in thought, and learned in the lore of Men and their histories; for which reason the Eldar called her Saelind, 'Wise-heart'.

This exchange between them has always come off as one of deep respect on both sides, to me. It is precipitated by Finrod's grief for the death of Boron, a lord of the Beorians, and his struggle with the seemingly short lives of Men. He and Andreth compare the views of the world of their respective species and share beliefs that each side has in the nature of the world.

A number of things Andreth says Finrod knows are false, because he grew up in Aman, he's met the Valar. But even where he challenges her assertions--such as her belief that Men were not always mortal, but were made so by Morgoth--it isn't done with some effort to triumphantly prove her wrong, but rather advising caution or offering a different perspective.

"Beware of the chaff with your corn, Andreth! For it may be deadly: lies of the Enemy that out of envy will breed hate. Not all the voices that come out of the darkness speak truth to those minds that listen for strange news."

And there is a deep bitterness and resentment that arises around the notion that Morgoth robbed Men of their rightful immortality. It absolutely comes through in Andreth's tone throughout Athrabeth. It must be very easy for mortals to perseverate on this rather than taking mortality as the natural state of being and processing it through that lens. Andreth resents that she is mortal, and she sees her mortality (imposed on her by Melkor) as the reason she could not have Aegnor.

Andreth and Finrod like and respect each other enough to have a discussion/debate like this and still consider each other a friend at the end. Further along, Finrod even suggests Andreth may not be entirely wrong, but is deeply troubled by the notion that Morgoth could be powerful enough to do such a thing. In short, he is listening to Andreth, and while her assertions may not immediately make sense to him, he considers them and how they might impact a person's view of the world.

Andreth too, allows for some flexibility in belief:

"You speak strange words, Finrod," said Andreth, "which I have not heard before. Yet my heart is stirred as if by some truth that it recognizes even if it does not understand it."

While each of them already has their own ideas about the world and their species' relationship with each other and with death and hope, they listen to one another. They aren't simply arguing to prove themselves right--they are having a genuine discussion (which necessitates being willing to oppose each other on some things). Amid the discussion on mortality and the nature of death for Elves and Men, she says this:

"Hope, that is another matter, of which even the Wise seldom speak." Then her voice grew more gentle. "Yet, Lord Finrod of the House of [Finarfin], of the high and puissant Elves, perhaps we may speak of it anon, you and I."

There is some culture clash between them, as some of their views and beliefs are mutually exclusive, but although their discussion gets emotional at some points, it never, to me, feels mean or disrespectful. Here was a clear spot for Andreth to cut off the conversation if she felt talked down to, or upset, but instead she encourages it to continue. They may occasionally get intense with their discussions (Andreth does shed tears at a few points)--and Athrabeth implies in my view that this is not the first of these cultural discussions they've had--but they still like each other.

And that is part of the key to the Athrabeth for me--they are friends.

In the days of the peace before Melkor broke the Siege of Angband, Finrod would often visit Andreth, whom he loved in great friendship...

He comes to her in friendship, and goes out of his way to speak with her about the end of her relationship (whatever it was--the text isn't clear on that) with Aegnor. He opens this talk by asking her about things Andreth is known to be knowledgeable about--paying respect to her wisdom, and regarding her intellect highly enough to even have such a debate. He wants to understand her perspective on the world, and it does shape her reaction to her relationship with Aegnor.

Finally, Andreth, for her part, seems like she would be more than willing to tell Finrod to fuck off if she didn't like him or didn't want to talk or felt like he was being an ass. This is not a soft-spoken person; she is very upfront with Finrod when she wants to be. The fact that she continues to engage him both in the discussion about Mannish beliefs and about Aegnor suggests to me that she also considers him a friend, or at least that she feels generally amiable towards him

Explaining Aegnor's Choice

The other big criticism of Finrod that seems to come out of Athrabeth stems from this effort, which often seems to be a misunderstanding that Finrod is making an argument that Aegnor made the right choice, which is not at all how I read this discussion.

However, before that, I do want to say: Aegnor was not wrong to leave Andreth. There is, to me, an uncomfortable fandom attitude that Aegnor was obliged to stay with Andreth because she loved him, or that he somehow wronged her by choosing not to be in a relationship with her. No one is obliged to be in a romantic relationship they don't want, no matter what the reasons are. That Aegnor loved Andreth does not mean he was forced to be with her. There were other considerations in his life and I don't think it was invalid of him to place those first. Neither is it invalid of Andreth to be bitter about it--especially considering where she starts this discussion.

Andreth, early on, still believes that the reason Aegnor left her is because she isn't an Elf--that she isn't immortal. She talks about how she wouldn't have made herself a burden to him in her old age, how she would have only given him her youth, etc. She is 48 at the time of Athrabeth.

"I was young and I looked on his flame, and now I am old and lost. He was young and his flame leaped towards me, but he turned away, and he is young still. Do candles pity moths?"

You can see here her anguish over her own mortality, which ties irrevocably into her anguish over losing the love of her life. What Finrod tries to tell her is that it was nothing about Andreth that ended it. Aegnor's decisions were not based on his feelings about Andreth or her mortality, but on various cultural factors among the Elves (such as their disinclination to marry during wartime) and his obligations, in his mind, towards the war against Morgoth. Finrod tells her that "if his heart ruled" Aegnor would have run off with Andreth, but that he chose to put his duty above his desire for her.

"Adaneth, I tell thee, Aikanar the Sharp-flame loved thee. For thy sake he will never take the hand of any bride of his own kindred, but will live alone to the end, remembering the morning in the hills of Dorthonion."

He isn't trying to say "Aegnor made the right choice" or "Elves shouldn't marry mortals" but he is trying to give her context for a decision that's already been made. Aegnor is already gone; Finrod is trying to relieve Andreth of feeling that it was somehow her fault, or that she didn't live up to Aegnor's expectations.

"Then why did he turn away? Why leave me while I had still a few good years to spend?"

"Alas!" said Finrod. "I fear the truth will not satisfy thee..."

Here, he gives the explanation about customs of the Eldar and marriage, and about Elves and memory (specifically about how Aegnor, as an Elf, may prefer to dwell in the happiness of their memories rather than proceed to a grim future). Andreth does not seem especially comforted by this. It's understandable. Andreth is very bitter, and not unfairly: She's bitter that her people are mortal while Finrod's are not; she's bitter that this mortality (in her mind) cost her the man she loved; she's bitter that Aegnor left her. Andreth's life has been hard: it's very understandable that she's angry about it. So it makes sense that Finrod's words don't really reach her where she is now. She isn't ready for that; she's still dealing with all of these other feelings. But I do believe that someday, this conversation will mean something to her. Someday, when Andreth is older and has more distance, I think it will mean something to her that Aegnor loved her, and that it was duty, not contempt, that kept him from her.

Finrod does express belief that marriage between Men and Elves is destined to be sorrowful, but this isn't an illogical position from the half of the equation doomed to live on without their partner, or from one of a species who may literally die from grief. Naturally Andreth thinks of how she could have spent her youth with him at least, while Finrod thinks of how much pain Aegnor would have been in as Andreth grew old and neared death.

"I would not have troubled him, when my short youth was spent. I would not have hobbled as a hag after his bright feet, when I could no longer run beside him!"

"Maybe not," said Finrod. "So you feel now. But do you think of him? He would not have run before thee. He would have stayed at thy side to uphold thee. Then pity thou wouldst have had in every hour, pity inescapable. He would not have had thee so shamed."

It is also relevant that they both speak, on this matter, in ignorance. Neither of them has experienced or even seen a marriage of mortals and Elves (none occurs before Finrod's death in Tol-in-Gaurhoth). They are both speaking only from the heart, from what they feel would be true about it. It's also relevant to remember the decision has been made. Finrod is perhaps trying to explain how hard the marriage would have been in part to make Andreth feel better about its nonexistence, because he knows Aegnor will not go back on his choice.

And on some level, Finrod sees that he isn't going to radically change her view on this one visit, and that's when he backs off.

"And what shall I remember?" said she. "And when I go to what halls shall I come? To a darkness in which even the memory of the sharp flame has been quenched? Even the memory of rejection. That at least."

Finrod sighed and stood up. "The Eldar have no healing words for such thoughts, adaneth," he said... He took her hand in the light of the fire. "Wither will you go?" she said.

Athrabeth ends on such a tender note, it has always in my mind contributed to seeing the conversation as an overall positive: that Finrod looks forward to seeing Andreth after death, that he places himself--almost tentatively (and what is the meaning of that em-dash, Tolkien?)!--alongside Aegnor in her future. He knows her time on Arda is short, compared to his own, but he doesn't want this to be the only time their souls have together. It ends with his holding her hand in her grief and giving her this blessing:

"Wither you go may you find light. Await us there: my brother--and me."

This is why I've always seen Athrabeth as such an intimate conversation which speaks to a deep level of friendship and respect between Andreth and Finrod. It deals with a lot of emotionally volatile things, which I think makes people inclined to see either of them (Andreth especially) as upset by the conversation, rather than the issues that they are discussing in it. But to me, again, that they were willing to have such a raw, open discussion with each other speaks volumes about how positively they see each other. They are so clearly trying to reach out to one another from two very different places in the world.

"Yes, Wise-woman, maybe it was ordained that we Quendi, and ye Atani, ere the world grows old, should meet and bring news to one another...indeed, that you and I, Andreth, should sit here and speak together, across the gulf that divides our kindreds..."

"Across the gulf that divides our kindreds!" said Andreth. "Is there no bridge but mere words?" And then again she wept.

They don't always make it, and sometimes they wound, but they are trying. And that counts for something.

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

Hi there! So happy I found your blog! I also love everything Rohan 😄 I'm a linguist and am just wondering about the language of Rohan. Given your extensive knowledge of our beloved kingdom, I was wondering if you'd be able to share what you know about their language? I understand it's supposed to be similar to Old English? Would a modern-day English-speaking person be able to understand them at all? Or at least identify it as a language that is similar to Old English? Did the people of Rohan more commonly speak Rohanese/Rohirric or Westron? Did all of them speak/understand both languages? Thank you so much!

Hello, Anonymous! I’m so glad you’re here and that you enjoy what you’ve found so far! Your question, coming from a linguist, makes me a little nervous because I am very much not. But I have confidence that someone else will pop in to correct me if I screw it up!

Any discussion of Rohirric gets complicated by the framing device Tolkien used. We’re supposed to believe that LOTR is an in-universe history, written by people who were there and who wrote in Westron. So what we see as English in the published book is supposed to be Tolkien’s translation of Westron. He then picked Old English to represent the language of the Rohirrim as a way to demonstrate the relationship between Rohirric and Westron – namely, Rohirric is an older, more archaic language than Westron with some shared historical origins (though the shared origins between Rohirric and Westron are not as direct as the way that English descended from Old English).

That means Old English is just used to make a point, not to show us what the language itself looked or sounded like. For that, we mostly have Legolas’s description (“rich and rolling”, “hard and stern” and “laden with sadness” 😬) and a few individual words that are mostly found in History of Middle Earth. The differences between the actual language and the Old English representation is pretty huge! The Old English-style name Éothéod (“horse people”) is actually Lohtûr. The name Théoden (coming from Old English meaning “king of the people”) is Tûrac in Rohirric. Because we know “loh” means horse in Rohirric and Éomer and Éowyn’s names both have eo- coming from Old English for “horse,” their real names would start with Loh- as well!

So a real Rohirric speaker would be using a language that has no relationship to Old English and wouldn’t be intelligible to a speaker of any form of English. As to whether a speaker of Old or Modern English would be able to understand Tolkien’s Old English-based representation of Rohirric, I’m not sure. He clearly knew a lot about Old English, so I imagine his use of that is probably pretty good (though he definitely made changes, like replacing “þ” with “th”). And I know that sometimes, as a modern English speaker, I can recognize and understand Old English words, but only those that made their way down to us largely unchanged. If I listen to someone reciting a whole bunch of Old English, it still sounds mostly like mush to me.

As for what languages are used on a daily basis in Rohan, I think we’re supposed to consider that Rohirric is the everyday language. Appendix F notes that the Rohirrim “still speak their ancestral tongue” and the guards at Edoras in TT say that using Rohirric is how they recognize their countrymen and friends. But Tolkien also says the “lords” use Westron freely in the manner of Gondor, and even the Rohirric-speaking guards switch easily to Westron when Gandalf asks them to. That suggests to me that Rohirric is for everyone/everyday use, but Westron is widely known, at least for anyone who might be interacting with outsiders.

I hope that was helpful! And thank you for sharing in love and appreciation for my favorite place in Middle Earth! ♥️🐎🗡️👑

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Hello hello! 👋

I have been a fan of your Grima-centric fics for a while now. I find it fascinating how he works as a character and seeing you explore his personality throughout your works is a favorite treat of mine ^^

One thing that stands out to me in particular is the dynamic that you’ve written for both Saruman and Gríma. Despite knowing that Gríma’s affection for Saruman is wholly one-sided, do you think there was a part of Saruman that considered Gríma as an almost companion? This came to mind when I realized that Saruman could’ve travelled alone to the Shire in the books, yet decided to take Gríma with him anyways. Would love to hear your opinion on this, seeing as you write them so well ^^

Aww thank you! I'm so glad you enjoy my little works - they are great fun to write and I'm always happy to hear when people find them a delight to read :D

The Saruman-Grima dynamic is one of those moments where I'm not sure Tolkien entirely appreciated what he had there with those two.

I personally do not think Saruman felt any sort of affection for or companionship with Grima. Initially, pre-war through to the early stages in February/March 3019, Grima was a useful pawn for Saruman in his chess tournament against both Rohan (whom he resented) and Sauron (who he wanted to triumph over).

So long as Grima was useful to him, Saruman might display warmth or a sort-of kindness, but it would have only been skin deep. Indeed, we know that as soon as Grima stopped being useful Saruman ceased being kind (presuming, naturally, that he had been kind previously. I assume he had, but that's speculation).

There is no depth to Saruman's affection for people - he is all about means to an end and that end is domination (he wants everyone and everything under his purview and to act and behave as he wishes for them to act and behave).

Saruman's calculating chilliness is born from his ambition, his pride and arrogance, and his disdain for those around him. Even Gandalf, one of the Wise, a fellow Maiar, barely makes the cut of someone Saruman might have a semblance of respect for. And that vanishes as soon as Gandalf says "dude, maybe don't align yourself with Sauron? That has, historically, not worked out for people. Also he's evil."

As Saruman says to Gandalf (emphasis mine):

"We may join with that Power. [...] As the Power grows, its proved friends will also grow; and the Wise, such as you and I, may with patience come at last to direct its course, to control it. [...] We can bide our time, we can keep our thoughts in our hearts, deploring maybe evils done by the way, but approving the high and ultimate purpose: Knowledge, Rule, Order; all the things that we have so far striven in vain to accomplish, hindered rather than helped by our weak or idle friends."

Aside: we might think Knowledge! that's good! But it's more along the lines of knowledge attained through horrific means to serve a horrific end. We're not talking about a high minded scholarliness here.

Saruman is the sort of person who breaks things (and, it can be inferred, people) to see how it works but with little intention of putting it back together. I love this particular exchange between Saruman and Gandalf (emphasis mine):

'White!' he [Saruman] sneered. 'It serves as a beginning. White cloth may be dyed. The white page can be overwritten; and the white light can be broken.' 'In which case it is no longer white,' said [Gandalf]. 'And he that breaks a thing to find out what it was has left the path of wisdom."

In any case, Saruman's not a warm or loving person. I do wonder if he might have once been - because Gandalf tries to save Saruman from himself on several occasions and I get a sense that there is real heartbreak for Gandalf in Saruman's betrayal. But was Saruman faking that the entire time? Who is to say.

Once Saruman's powers are removed and his staff broken we are left with the shadow of someone who once had been great and who is now bitter and twisted through with anger and resentment. Yet, his desire to control and dominate people in his life remains making for an even uglier combination than when he was at the height of his power.

Which brings us back to Grima - Grima who represents the Rohirrim (those measly horse lords who dared defy Saruman! and won!), who represents the race of Man (pathetic creatures Saruman thinks are incapable of managing themselves with sense or wisdom, better he control them), who represents the fall from power and grace, who represents everything Saruman is angry at.

Saruman brought Grima along so he would have one last thing to stand atop of. One last person to beat down and degrade. One last man he can scrape his claws through the brain and soul of in order to dismantle him for the sake of dismantling him.

When Frodo offers Grima a hand, a way out from Saruman that is truly a way out, with someone who would support him, and Grima is clearly tempted to accept Frodo's offer we see fear from Saruman. He lashes out: the Worm isn't very nice; didn't someone ask about Lotho? The Worm killed him. The Worm has been very hungry. The Worm might have eaten your cousin, why would you offer the Worm anything? The Worm should stay with me.

It's desperation and flailing, on Saruman's part, and all as a means of keeping Grima with him so Saruman has someone to beat, starve, and degrade. If there is someone else to be cruel to, then Saruman won't have to be alone with only himself to look at.

-

So yeah! In summary, I don't think Saruman is someone who would want to be alone because he would rather have a fellow traveler he detests and can be cruel to for the sake of cruelty. It gives Saruman a sense of control, a sense of "at least there is one person who is lower than me and it's this Worm that should crawl on his hands and knees after me. Which is what I deserve. I deserve followers and people to bow and scrape and serve me." etc.

Domination of others because you believe you know better (and are better) than them and that you could rule and order their life to your own desires is one hell of a drug. Don't take it! Not even once!

-

Thank you for the ask! :D I love talking about our beloved damp bog rat snake man who is confusingly wet. Also love talking about the local Tower Top.

[ladysolidor87]

More thoughts on the season finale. WARNING: Spoiler Alert 🚨 Only read if you’ve watched the season two finale.

- Towards the end of the episode we see Sauron with Feanor’s hammer, which I assume he will use (alongside his own blood) to forge the one ring. We also see Elendil take Narsil, the blade that will cut the ring from Sauron’s hand.

We see both Sauron’s way to power and the beginning of his downfall. As Celebrimbor tells him, he creates his own doom. All his power in one object, an object we know will ultimately be destroyed by one person, Gollum. Celebrimbor pretty much predicts it for Sauron and Sauron hates it.

Sauron weeps. I’d like to think a small slither of him is sad for killing Celebrimbor but let’s be honest, he’s crying for himself. I’m almost certain, deep down he knows he’s doomed.

- It’s implied at the end that Durin may end up wearing the ring that led to his father’s madness and death. (Loved that he managed to take the bloody ring off in the end though) With oppositions rising to take the throne they all look to the ring, be it warily at the moment. I’ve got a dreadful feeling Durin will eventually put it on. I can foresee lots of horrid things and it makes me sad. I love them so much. But the dwarves do dig and Khazad-Dum does fall…gotta get there somehow.

- Queen Miriel is seen in chains before Pharazôn. Am I right in thinking that he marries her in text to strengthen his claim to the throne? Forgive me friends, my knowledge isn’t as complete as I’d like. If a learned friend could confirm or deny that would be great. Whatever the case, I hope Elendil raises a force to rescue her.

- I think Eärien will see the errors of her way. She looked rather uncomfortable at points, especially when the faithful were declared as traitors and she immediately went to warn her father. When Isildur returns I think she will turn against Pharazon if she doesn’t before hand. A nice mini redemption arc would be sweet for her. Bonus points if she bumps off Kemen (although I think Isildur will do that!)

- Gandalf has arrived. Not sure how I feel about his early arrival but I must admit it’s bloody lovely to have him! He is such a wonderful character and we see now where his deep love of the Halflings comes from. I do wonder who the dark wizard is though. Any theories? I don’t know Tolkiens work well enough to guess myself. (I’ve only read the Silmarillion once and my poor mind couldn’t absorb much of it.)

- Did we see the birth of Rivendell? That’s where the elves are, right? Can’t wait to see that explored in season three.

- Gil-Galad and Galadriel getting on for once was lovely 🥰

- Elrond is perfection as always. For the record, I don’t think the kiss between Elrond and Galadriel was at all romantic. Just my opinion! If you ship them then that’s great. I just think it was a farewell kiss and a bit of distraction. They definitely love each other but just don’t see the romantic aspect myself. I loved when he put on the ring. He was so reluctant but did it for Galadriel. Loved it ❤️

That’s all for now! Send me your own thoughts and theories. I genuinely want to talk about this amazing series. Also, for anyone who knows the texts inside and out, teach me! And correct me when I’m wrong which is…probably a lot 😆

[airyairyaucontraire]

I don’t normally want to listen to audiobooks because I can read faster than they can talk and it’s frustrating, but it occurred to me that that might not happen with a book I’ve read before. I’ve got stuck in my LOTR reread but I want to get unstuck and I’m trying out the unabridged Fellowship of the Ring as read by Andy Serkis.

So far I’m enjoying it, because he has a lovely bedtime storyish reading voice, and he also does distinct character voices (although his Sam mangel-wurzel accent and his Pippin brogue [because he follows movie precedent, Pippin is Scottish] get a bit broad and cartoony sometimes). And he sings the songs! No music unfortunately, and he tends to go flat if he has to hold the note at the ends of lines, but after all the characters are not supposed to be trained singers, they just sing a lot because it’s their culture, and it’s just nice to have the songs acknowledged (one day someone will have the indomitable courage to adapt the Lord of the Rings for the screen as the musical it is, but that day has not yet come).

This time around I’m struck by how long it takes between Tolkien bringing Pippin on stage, as it were, and when he actually gets dialogue. He’s just sort of there as Extra Friend Who Isn’t Sam Or Merry (or Fredegar or Folco but they’re very C-list). We soon know Merry is the practical, helpful friend with local knowledge and a take-charge, can-do attitude (and if we listened to/read all the preface stuff, we know he grew up to be important and wrote books), but Pippin’s personality is pretty much a blank until he, Frodo and Sam are well into their hike from Hobbiton to Buckland.

[siena-sevenwits]

It’s almost 2024, so let’s remember the good things that happened to us in 2023! Please list ten amazing things that happened to you this year and then send this to people who brighten your day!

My mom and I grew so much closer, and I let go of some of the mistaken ideas I'd internalized about her, and she was nothing but loving and kind about it.

I made a pilgrimage to Walsingham in Norfolk, and along the way I got to visit London, Canterbury, Oxford, Ely, and several little villages, and they made new map locations in my heart and imagination. I still haven't told many of the stories from this trip because there is just. so. much, even though it was only ten days.

This was very much the year of finally getting round to a bunch of the books that have been recommended to me, and I can confirm, my friends have excellent taste. Many reads I loved.

In July I began to truly leave behind a habit that has plagued me for years. I still struggle sometimes, but I have people who give me all the love and support and hope I need to keep going forward.

I got to see ROTK in a theatre again for the first time in twenty years, and sing Tolkien songs with my friends on the way out of the theatre, because we were the only people who stayed til t he end of the extended edition credits.

I quit one of my jobs I had worked at for a long time - this was bittersweet, because I really loved it, but it was also such a good decision and really helped with anxiety and sleeplessness.

Pentecost was an extremely important day for me this year, because even though I didn't really change anything or make an effort, God gave me the grace of loving scripture more and taking away some of the barriers that were keeping me from reading it often. As much as I want to be constantly striving to be closer to him, there is something so incredible about the times when the unwarranted grace, that comes not as a reward but as a gift, is so clear.

The play went SO much better than the previous year, and I was so proud of my students!

I rediscovered that I actually love working with my hands, and that what motivates me is the knowledge that I can use the thing I'm making, rather than as something just to fill the time/grow skills. The latter are worthy reasons, but it helps me so much when I can fit a craft into a greater context.

Family members and friends who, incredibly, love me and gave their time generously to just be together.

[ithiliensmenagerie]

Could Indis remarry?

The answer is probably no. The answer is probably moot, because she wouldn't want to. Even if she wanted to, the stigma, her family, the whole history would stop her. And even if not, the Valar probably would.

But just imagine it. The consequences, the gossip, the reactions.

To be clear, I don't want her marrying Miriel. While I like that threesome solution and have nothing against consensual and equal polyamory, it always sounds like a cheat solution here. People do fall in love with two people, and it mostly ends messy; rarely is the solution "let all three fuck each other" actually working. And it's Tolkien's elves, but I still feel like that's too easy.

So let's say Indis marries someone else.

I have half a story planned out here (not with intentions to write it, at the moment, though). In my head, there's a Sindarin, sunlight-born elleth who was born in the early second age and died in the third. She has no real concept of the trials and tribulations of the first age and the times before, she grew up very liberal and while she does worship the stars to a degree, she doesn't really believe in following rules because the Valar say so. The Valar are very distant entities for her anyway.

I've called her Elariel, and I have not checked if that name already exists somewhere or means something; it's a nice sounding place-holder for the moment.

So, Elariel is reborn in the third age, and meets up with some friends who sailed or were reborn around the same time, and they explore Valinor. They come to Valimar and per chance meet Indis, who gives them a guided tour. Especially Indis and Elariel hit it off, and the Sindar invite her to see their community. Indis agrees.

In the next years, they meet again and again, until Elariel and Indis spend almost all their time together. They get along great. Indis likes that Elariel doesn't judge her past, that she gets along great with Findis and Finarfin (and potentially further children that are reborn), that she does not seem hemmed in by society and expectations, living by her own moral code not to harm anyone else, but to live the life you choose. Elariel likes Indis beauty, her intelligence, her willingness to see things through and accept the consequences, her stubborness and decisiveness, her vast knowledge.

Nothing else happens, until one day they are visiting Findis, who is leading a hermit-life in the mountains (I don't remember if it's Fanon or Canon, it's definitely my head canon), who suggests they get married.

Indis is shocked, she did not even think of that. Elariel takes it in stride, while she would like a more physical side of things, by her people's standards they are basically married, and she is also happy with the status quo. There is not much discussion, Indis leaves very confused.

While she is still contemplating the idea, never mind the implications, Findis tells Finarfin that Indis is remarrying (because Findis is of the house of Finwë, and being a hermit does not mean she never meddles.) Finarfin would have preferred to have heard it from Indis herself, but he really likes Elariel, they get along great and she very obviously makes his mother happy. He gives a dumbfounded Indis his blessing.

So it goes. The house of Finwë is still not great at communication, so it takes quite a while to find out that Indis and Elariel never actually agreed to get married, but absolutely everyone likes Elariel and agrees that this is a great idea, actually. Even Miriel thinks that might work out.

(And Finwë, if and when he gets asked, does not really have a leg to stand on, especially as Indis and Elariel are not going to have any more children)

Now how the Valar react, is a different question. And if it actually gets through, whether Finwë gets reborn, too. And then I think we'll have quite a situation when it turns out Finwë and Miriel can't just get back together. And who's supposed to be high king, anyway?

Now while I thought about this concept a lot, any plans to actually write it currently lack someone to discuss this with, because my life is sadly devoid of people liking both the Silmarillion and Fanfiction, so if anyone would like to discuss the concept or has ideas to add, feel free to comment or contact me! The biggest problem of my world building right now is deciding who gets reborn, and when, but the moral and political implications will make it interesting...

[lady-of-the-spirit]

Please tell me more about your Tolkien-verse OCs????

HAPPILY!!!

I've got Athalia, who's for The Hobbit trilogy, and Kiana and Annunel, both for the Lord of the Rings trilogy. They all exist in the same timeline, with Athalia's story meant to be a prequel to Kiana/Annunel's.

Athalia was originally written as the daughter of one of Bilbo's friends/neighbours and ended up raised by Bilbo after her parent's death. I scrapped that idea a few years ago, though, and made her his childhood friend instead, partly because her staying his niece didn't feel right to me anymore and partly so I could write them being snarky best friends.

Athalia's Not Like Other Hobbits. you know how the fandom characterizes Bilbo's mom as being an adventuring hobbit lady? Athalia is very much the same. She wants adventure in the great wide somewhere and - scandalously - actually goes off on a journey to see all of Middle Earth some 8 years before the start of the story. She comes back from her journey, reuniting with her best friend Bilbo, claiming she wants to settle down again, just in time for Gandalf to show up asking Bilbo to go on his own adventure. Athalia is immediately on board and claims that "surely two bandits is better than one!" And gets Bilbo on board (despite his many many reservations about the whole thing).

She has a lot of information on what she's seen of the world and is very eager to share and learn more, always, always jotting down notes in her journals (she has many) and collecting little trinkets when she can. Her enthusiasm, cheerfulness, and seemingly endless knowledge and opinions successfully seduces Fili after maybe a week on their journey.

Not everything is all sunshine, though. The background of her fic, most important, is that I was watching the Hobbit movies (for the first time) at the same time I was rereading Fushigi Yuugi: Genbu Kaiden, in which the main character 1) uses a spear as a weapon and 2 (spoilers) ends up getting tuberculosis. I was so compelled by this character and the tragic nature of prequels that it ended up factoring into Athalia's story a lot. I created my own little plague that affects only the hobbit community and is very rare, but has no cure, and Athalia is slowly dying over the course of the story. She's known since before she returned to Bag End - it's the reason she returned, wanting to see her oldest friend before she died. But she doesn't want a peaceful, quiet death, withering away to nothing. So Gandalf's quest is a way for her to have both some time with Bilbo and doing what she loves, seeing the world, and making her last little bit of time on this beautiful earth matter. She's accepted her death.

Until she falls in love with Fili, and worse, finds out he loves her back, which makes everything so much harder. because now she wants to live.

So yeah this fic and her character were VERY tragic in nature, as prequels often are. I never could decide on an ending - killing both her and fili, just killing her (through various means), or in an alternate ending AFTER the tragic one was posted, saving them both.

I totally meant to start writing this fic, but then covid hit, and it just seemed inappropriate to do so after that.

Now onto the happier ocs- Kiana and Annunel! Originally, Kiana and Annunel were supposed to be two separate stories. But then I went well why not put them together? And they ended up together, same story. And together as in they're in lesbians together 💖 because why not???

Kiana is unrelated to the rest of the main cast, princess and heir to the throne of a foreign kingdom in the south. I think canonically it's Umbar but I didn't know that when I made her and chose a random place on the map, and I've just stuck with that. Her kingdom was inspired by ancient Persia. Smth fun about her is that in her country's language their term for "King" is a completely gender neutral term so she's gonna be a woman king. she's very emotional but hides it behind her royal persona and only lets it slip the longer she's with the fellowship. She's also besties with Boromir because their countries are friends with each other and I was fucking sick of all the ocs hating on Boromir, my beloved.

Annunel is the twin of Aragorn. They used to be much closer when they were younger but as they got older they drifted apart. (They're both rangers though. Her nickname with the rangers is "West" which is a little reference to her name which means "west/sunset" in Sindarin. Or says the website I found years ago which I can't find now.) She gets herself tangled into the fellowship before Frodo gets himself stabbed, when she finds them in the woods - Gandalf called her. It's the first time she's seen her brother in years. It's weird. but hey. she's here. (and then she sticks with him when Frodo takes the ring because she's invested now.)

There's a little onesided beef on Kiana's part with Annunel because she and Boromir are both of the opinion Aragorn/Annunel abandoned Gondor and that's a big no-no in her book. But they get past that over time.

(Eowyn gets a little crush on Kiana and Annunel is jealous that's important to me.)

[rockinlibrarian]

An Index of my Fanfic!

Tumblr wasn't letting me add anything more to my pinned post so I've made a fresh(ish) one. Here, minus the long and convoluted intro of the original post, is a handy-dandy index to my work on AO3! It is sorted by How Much Previous Knowledge You Need to Enjoy Each, to encourage people to read outside their fandom zone! And then comment on it! So please, check out something new! And comment on it!

STORIES THAT REQUIRE NO FAMILIARITY WITH THE SOURCE MATERIAL:

The vast majority of my fics on AO3 are for the weird cult-favorite FX TV show Legion, which is a very small fandom for which I am one of the only writers. Lucky for you, most of my Legion fics take place many years before the show, so don’t require you to have seen it since it hasn’t happened yet. And the best place to start is probably

The Loudermilk Chronicles, a series of eight-and-one-that-isn't-written-yet stories tracing the childhood and coming-of-age of my favorite character. Characters. You’ll see when you read it. If you like stories of really weird people trying to find their place in the world, platonic love stories, and odd-couple sibling dynamics, you need to read my biography of Cary and Kerry.

But if you’re looking for a NON-platonic love story (note, I do Not Do smut, so you’re out of luck there), “A Strictly Scholarly Collaboration: the Original Romance of the Mind” tells how the Loudermilks’ eventual best friends, the Birds, fell in love while at the same time developing the roots of Summerland, the setting for at least the first season of the show. It is a banter-heavy bickering-research-partners-to-lovers story with psychic power shenanigans! I’m pretty sure I fell in love with Oliver while writing this, if it helps. If you want to read ALL of this in CHRONOLOGICAL order, this story takes place just before the sixth story in The Loudermilk Chronicles.

For an alternate take on these backstories, in an alternate timeline, have The Childhood Friends AU, which is an excuse for me to write MORE of Cary and Oliver’s friendship by having them meet as kids instead of in college! The first story especially is one of my favorites but with the LEAST number of hits, so REEEEEAD it! It’s just a story of a couple of neurodivergent nerds (not spelled OUT in canon, but pretty clear if you know what to look for: Oliver has ADHD and Cary ASD) being friends oh and also they’re both Marvel-type Mutants, so lovely stories! The last in this series is actually bonus scenes to “A Strictly Scholarly Collaboration,” merging the two timelines together.

Then, obviously, you need no familiarity with the source material when there IS no source material. My sole “Original Work” on AO3 was written for an Inklings fandom challenge.

I was tasked with writing a time-travel story that JRR Tolkien might write. Actually, that’s not exactly what it was. And this story definitely isn’t Tolkien-esque style-wise. “Rewind” is a time loop story starring an unnamed inventor whose Rewind Button comes in handy for getting to the meeting in which she’s supposed to present it (or does it? Come in handy, I mean?). It was at this point I looked closely at my AO3 and said “DO I MAYBE HAVE A THING FOR STORIES INVOLVING SPACE-TIME TRAVEL OR IS THIS A REALLY WEIRD COINCIDENCE?”

STORIES THAT DEBATABLY REQUIRE SOME FAMILIARITY WITH THE SOURCE MATERIAL, SEE ANNOTATIONS:

Speaking of which, “Tesseract” merges two properties that both claim that the titular concept can be used to travel through space-time, with my favorite headcanon premise: Meg Murry’s father disappeared while working for S.H.I.E.L.D. This story is a Wrinkle In Time prequel from Alex’s POV, set in the MCU. You probably don’t need any Marvel pre-knowledge except that Howard Stark is a world famous scientist-inventor (and honestly you might pick that up from context); you MIGHT want some Wrinkle pre-knowledge, but on the other hand, it is a prequel— with the exception of the epilogue. If you haven’t read Wrinkle you’re going to be like “WHAT? BUT WHAT HAPPENED?” in between chapter 3 and the epilogue, because I skip over the actual Wrinkle happenings, but that’s just your cue to go out and read the friggin’ book already. Admittedly, at this point in time, we’re not remotely there yet, though. While I have quite a lot of this written, it’s all in bits and pieces, so there’s only one actual chapter posted online so far.

Also speaking of another which, the Inklings, did you know there's actually an Inklings RPF fandom tag on AO3? I know because I included it on "The Pipeweed Mafia Epic," even though none of the Inklings are actually IN it on account of being dead. The fic's MAIN fandom is "Lord of the Rings/Hobbit movies RPF," with a lot of references to Tolkien's work as a whole, one very important reference to CS Lewis's work, and some references to Sherlock, too. This is just a bunch of interconnected bits of crack I started writing over a decade ago beginning with the prompt "You get into a fender-bender with your favorite actor and he has a body in his trunk." It is FULL of references to not only these works, but a lot of private jokes as well. But I love it and decided to put it up once I figured out how RPF works. I don't think you NEED to get ALL the references to enjoy it for the crack it is?

“Exploration of the Astral Plane: An Immersive, Multidimensional Study, by Cary Loudermilk, PhD, and Oliver Anthony Bird” is yet another Legion prequel, in that it happens before the show, but it DOES assume familiarity with at least the Birds and Loudermilks. Which means if you’ve already read The Loudermilk Chronicles, you probably don’t need any more than that to understand this one, really. But you may HAVE to watch the show AFTERWARD, because this fic has a canonically sad ending otherwise. The first few chapters are quite a lot of fun, though. Also, you can fix the sad ending by then reading:

“Syd's (Third) Childhood Begins,” which is one of those weird stories that, thanks to the miracle of TIME TRAVEL (yet again), takes place technically AFTER the show but also BEFORE it, in another timeline. So technically you kind of need to know how the show ends? But also it takes place during “Exploration of the Astral Plane” so you can also just read it right after? If you never plan to watch the show and aren’t worried about spoilers, what the heck, just read it after “Exploration,” then.

“We Will (Not) Always Have Each Other” is another story you’d want to avoid if you’re avoiding spoilers for Legion, but honestly I’ve always been curious how it reads to someone who hasn’t seen it. This story is Chapters (episodes) 6-8 of the show, but told from the POV of the Loudermilks, because they actually have their own arc over the course of those chapters and it works as a stand-alone story that way. It also could function as the sequel to “Exploration of the Astral Plane,” since it does (if only temporarily) resolve the ending.

As the title indicates, “The Fall of [Spoilers Redacted]: a Freestyle Ballad by Lester ‘Apollo’ Papadopoulos” is absolutely spoilery for the first three books of the Trials of Apollo series, because it basically retells all three. See, at the beginning of Book 4, Apollo, the friggin’ god of POETRY, sings an epic funeral ballad that also explains to the people they’ve just met up with what has been going on with him lately. Now, because I hate myself, I thought it would be fun to try to actually WRITE said ballad, although I’ve never been much of a poet. So, if you’re never planning to read The Trials of Apollo, and just want to admire and/or laugh at my attempts at poetry, SURE you can read this without having read the books!

“A Captain With Seven Children...What's So Fearsome About That?” is a crossover I started writing almost as a joke but it honestly fits SO DANG WELL and I’m having so much fun with it. It’s basically The Sound of Music at The Umbrella Academy— Maria is hired to be the governess for a DIFFERENT strict militaristic single father’s seven children and changes their lives with the power of music. If you know The Sound of Music without The Umbrella Academy, that’s okay because it takes place twenty years before the show (although there will be spoilers if you DO plan to watch the show) (note: that show ALSO heavily involves space-time travel), and you can meet all the characters right along with Maria. If you know the Umbrella Academy but not The Sound of Music, then it’s probably just like reading a fic with an original main character, you just won’t appreciate how amazingly the movie’s script adapts to the world of the show (but what is wrong with you, go watch The Sound of Music NOW). If you know neither property? You might be more confused. But on the other hand, you might not. I’m not stopping you from trying!

Or, you could get a straight-up retelling of the first three seasons of The Umbrella Academy from one character's point of view. Viktor canonically had a therapist before the show started, and when I off-hand imagined him going back to said therapist, the concept of filling in this poor therapist on everything that had just happened amused me so much I immediately started writing "How to Catch Up with your Therapist after a Couple of...Busy Months." Do you need to have seen the show? Well, you ARE getting one side of the (seven-sided) whole story right here! But you don't know what you're missing, either! So...that's up to you!

Now, I wrote this next Umbrella Academy fic for the Masked Author Remix event, for which we wrote spin-offs of other people's fics, and when I read a drabble suggesting that, in another universe, Five, Ben, and Viktor would have still met at "some event where they didn't even speak a common language yet" and instantly bonded anyway, I immediately sent them to an international conference for the Leaders of Tomorrow and wrote "What's In a Name?" which IS a childhood friends AU like the Legion one above, but I feel like part of the fun is seeing the familiar characters in a new context, so it's not quite as no-previous-knowledge-needed, but on the other hand, why not, it's an AU.

STORIES THAT DEFINITELY REQUIRE FAMILIARITY WITH THE SOURCE MATERIAL, BUT WHAT THE HEY, I’M NOT STOPPING YOU FROM READING AND COMMENTING ANYWAY:

Speaking of Umbrella Academy AUs, I am writing a sort of sequel to Season 3, "New World Symphony," that imagines a rebooted universe that is, basically, the canon characters suddenly finding themselves in what fanfic labelling calls a "no-powers/no-adoption AU" and figuring out how to fit in to this world with new roles already written for them. Also, whoever made this AU is a Fiktor shipper. Don't know who that could have been.

Seriously, it’s so against my BRAND for me to ship a non-canonical couple (in this case, #fiktor, formerly known as #fiveya) that my first attempt at writing them, “Not Just Stupid Kids,” was originally posted to AO3 anonymously because I was embarrassed. The truth is it’s just an innocent childhood romance between two sad, lonely kids (who, yeah, happen to be adoptive siblings, but their LIFE is HARD, cut them some slack!), and honestly I wrote it to try to MAKE my embarrassingly non-canonical ship fit canon as much as possible, so the childhood flashback is bookended by two “missing” scenes from the third season (one during episode 2, the other right after the season end), of the now-adults talking out their childhood relationship. Otherwise, there’s also more swearing than I usually put in my fics, because in-characterness, so that’s TWO off-brand bits for me! But it’s also about lonely kids who take comfort in each other, and that’s VERY on-brand for me, so…?

Then I decided to write another #Fiktor Fik to prove WHY they belong together so truly, so "On Soul Mates and Nemeses" poured out in a long and rambling amount of 'Five-and-Viktor-trying to convince each other that they're the monster and the other is their hero and end up just convincing themselves that they can't live without each other,' and it's a lot better than that sounds, honest!

And because I'm apparently addicted to this stupid ship, "Morning-After Meltdown" is the sucky title of THE most blatant Fiktor Fik yet, on the aftermath of drunk sex, which I still manage to completely avoid Smut on though because I'm like that. In fact, it's kind of sweet.

(PSSST! I also have a Fik that is STILL "Anonymous," because it links BACK to a smutty fic, which I didn't really want a link to on my page. But this is me linking to MY, not-smutty (though referencing smuttiness) fic, "Renegade Teenage Hormones." As long as you understand what you're tangentially getting into before you click)

OKAY BUT.

The COOLEST FIC I have EVER WRITTEN is unfortunately a Legion fic that really does assume you know Legion, "The Magic Man of Oz." David sweeps everyone up into an Astral Plane reenactment of The Wizard of Oz, and is enjoyable to read as-is because I do all sorts of fun fourth-wall breaking, but you can't exactly appreciate the way I've fit the Legion world into the Wizard of Oz story unless you know the Legion world, and goshdarnit I did a really good job at it, too!

Now, maybe this one only requires you to have read The Loudermilk Chronicles, although it ASSUMES a reader who’s seen Legion and will get all the references. On the other hand, it TEACHES you everything I know about The Loudermilk Twins, because it is, in fact, “Everything I Know About Writing the Loudermilk Twins,” a brain dump of all my theories about my favorite character(s).

There are a couple other Legion one-shots that take place during the show and assume you’ve been watching everything that takes place before and after. “Chapter 19.5: Hidden. Safe. Somewhere.” obviously takes place between Chapters 19 and 20 (ie Seasons 2 and 3), and is a minor fix-it that explains exactly what happened to the Birds in that time, as told by a sad but determined Cary. And:

“The Limits of Two-Part Harmony” is an alternate scene in Chapter 4 of Legion, as requested by Versaphile in a fic exchange, meaning this is the very first thing I posted on AO3! It is shockingly one of the only Legion fics I've written that actually has supposed-main-character David as a speaking character, and also has LOTS of Oliver Bird, and that alone is its selling point.

AND THEN I CROSSED OVER MY TWO BIGGEST-WRITTEN FANDOMS: "The Beginning of Something Else Entirely" is a post-canon fixit for both Legion and Umbrella Academy, in which the Hargreeves find themselves spat out at Summerland, a place where they can actually get therapy. It's from the Hargreeves' point of view and they're meeting the Legion people, so theoretically you can get by without having seen Legion (I even have one enthusiastic reader who's seen Legion but not TUA), but there are massive spoilers for both.

“Introduction to Infernal and Eternal Crossover” Cross between my two favorite sitcoms of the 21st century, which poses the concept that Community is actually a Bad Place simulation run by demons in the (after)world of The Good Place. You need to know the characters of Community in order to get who the characters in this story are talking about; you PROBABLY need to have seen at least into the start of Season Two of The Good Place to understand what the characters are doing. But if you do know both? I welcome you to write your own story that takes place in this scenario, I would totally read it.

The beginning of Season Two of The Good Place is exactly when this next fic takes place, specifically sometime during the very many Bearimies unseen in episode 3. And there's a lot of inherent dramatic irony in this one counting on you knowing things that Chidi, the viewpoint character, does not. "In Which Jason and Chidi Rob a Bank" is a sort of missing-episode I wrote for the Yuletide exchange, and I have been TOLD that it's very funny. You don't have to take my word for it: In the three weeks between its posting and me updating THIS post it's already my second-highest kudoed fic, just below THIS one:

“The Invitation: an epilogue” This story takes place immediately after (note the subtitle) the BOOK of Howl’s Moving Castle. If you’ve only seen the movie, you’ll be lost, because these characters aren’t even in the movie, unless you count Howl, which I DON’T because BOOK HOWL IS SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING A CHARACTER THAN MOVIE HOWL SO GO READ THE BOOK ANYWAY. That said, this is to date my highest-kudoed fic on AO3, which must mean SOMEBODY likes it. It’s the story of how Howl convinces Megan to come to his wedding (in fifteen minutes).

“The Puppy-Fly Effect” Like “Syd’s Third Childhood Begins,” this is a prequel that actually happens AFTER the source material (Back to the Future), thanks to the miracle of everyone’s favorite recurring trope, time travel! It assumes you have seen the movie, so you understand what Doc is doing, though you’ll probably figure out that this is the story of how he meets Marty before he figures it out. I mean, because I just said so, too.

“On the End of Endgame: A Series of Scenarios” Yeah, you definitely had to have seen Avengers: Endgame for this, because it’s basically me expounding on why certain theories about the (guess what) TIME TRAVEL in the movie DO NOT WORK on a character basis so shut up, supposed “screenwriters.” You do not need to have watched Agent Carter even though the majority of the story is based on it, because it’s all written from an outside perspective (Steve’s). I didn’t originally intend this to be a FIC, it was more a rant that took the FORM of a fic, and then I realized I had an AO3 account now and could post it, so I did.

So right! Read my stories and tell me about it!

[distinguisheddwarffriend]

Hi! I know I'm late with this, but if you still feel like it, do these questions from the fanfic writers ask game maybe? 🫶

7. tell us about the plot of the first fanfic you ever wrote

11. what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

20. what is your favorite trope to write?

47. what story are you most proud of?

Hi & thanks for the questions, I'm always happy to do the fanfic writers ask game!

7. The first fanfic I ever wrote:

When I was 15 (so half a life ago) I discovered Tolkien & High Fantasy for myself, and started writing an original work called "Elven Blood", that may have had original characters& my own world, BUT almost all of it was inspired by Tolkien. Each "race"/ elven sub-race, the societies etc all were VERY Tolkien, it basically WAS a fanfic.

The plot was the beautiful cliché of a young girl waking up on a beach without any memories of who she is. She wanders & gets found by the wood elves(her best friend is an Arwen 2.0), a reclusive kind of the elves (there also were Firn-Elves, Light-Elves, Night-Elves, Blood-Elves), and later, for some reason, runs away from them and comes into the kingdoms of men, falls in love with a young king that travels the world in disguise of a Story-Teller(Aragorn), because he does not want to be king, and while there was a 'big evil' somewhere(Sauron), and the peoples fought that.

I had this really funny twist planned, where there is this legend of the Queen of the Light Elves(Galadriel), that was enchanted by someone evil (Annatar) & cheated on her husband, having a bastard child. Her husband killed the child in anger, and the Queen faded in grief.

However, the MC later finds out that she is said child from the story, the King of the Light Elves could not kill her after all, and her mother did not die but turned insane, leading her people into a hidden exile (Lorien) and secretly planning her revenge against all elf kind by teaming up with her Ex Lover (Sauron/Annatar).

Maybe one day I'll finish/ revamp it.

11. For one of my current WIPs "Homeward bound", I had to research certain parts of European and American history.

I learned about the war between Denmark & Schleswig Holstein around 1850, the Northernmost German state & close to where I live. I had no idea this war even existed!

If I do research, then I really research things, for example I now even know the exact dates& places of various battles, how the different uniforms looked, what happened to wounded sell-swords after battle etc.

20. My favourite trope to write BY FAR is Modern Girl in Middle Earth.

It's funny, because I used to think of it as cringy for years, because I mostly knew about the "messy-bun, blue-orbs Mary-Sues", but when I needed a change from my usual stuff, I gave it a try & now I'm forever lost.

47. What story I am mostly proud of?

Ooof, tough one.

It's easier to answer what idea I'm proud of the most, because much of my work is unpublished/unfinished, so I cannot be proud of it yet.

Therefore: I'm proud of the idea for my "Opus Magnus" that could be a Tolkien fanfic, but is also a very original work.

It's far from finished, but it combines the MGiME trope with The End of Our World, the "saving" of parts of our humanity by the Valar, the Building of a new, utopian society, the interaction of Tolkien & his characters, the moral question of 'what is the MC allowed to do/change' and the dangers of our world's knowledge encroaching into a fictional & medieval world.

[eilinelsghost]

Hi!! I’m such a huge fan of your Atandil series and had a question about it - maybe you’ve already addressed it elsewhere, if so, I’m sorry I’ve missed it! I know Balan refers to Finrod as Nóm, the name his people gave to Finrod - but I’m curious as to whether Balan has ever actually called him “Finrod”? Does he even know this is the Elf’s common name? I know very little about Tolkien’s complex etymology so maybe I’m missing some obvious tidbit about how only Finrod’s family call him Finrod or something … thanks so much! Keep on writing - you truly have a gift! 💜

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you've enjoyed the series so far!

That's a great question - and no, I haven't addressed it anywhere so far. The short answer is that Balan has never referred to him as Finrod in the text of Atandil itself so far, but it's feasible that he has done so in Nargothrond in more formal settings. Though typically in those I think he would be most likely to still just use a title instead of a direct name.

Balan knows most, if not all, of Finrod's names by the current point in the series, but he typically defaults to Nóm. "Finrod" is still a bit of a stranger to him, rather unreachable, very "the king, but Nóm is the person he knows and loves. The thing that comes to mind for me on this is thinking of meeting my friends from on here in real life. I don't go by Frankie in my day-to-day (it's my middle name, but I don't use it much even though I prefer it) and hearing all my friends here calling me by my first name would feel so strange - as it would to them to call me by a different name, I'd assume. So it's less of a knowledge thing for Balan and more of a deliberate choice. Nóm is a name of intimacy and by retaining that while he shifts to Nargothrond, he asserts a continued claim to that intimacy in this new setting, which keeps the king-subject dynamic from taking over. And by doing so, he continues to ground Finrod in the same steadiness that drew him to Balan in the first place: Balan sees him, knows him, names him - as himself, not as a performance of kingship.

You joked about a tidbit re only Finrod's family using the name - and that is a thing! Only it's Ingoldo (his mother-name) that the Shibboleth says is "used by his brothers and sister, who loved him." I actually did a little ficlet about that (re Balan) in response to a prompt if you want some silliness with those two as a break from Atandil's ongoing angst. 😂

Thank you so much for the ask! It was so fun to get to talk about this a bit.

[ilovedainironfoot]

HOW DO THEY TAKE CARE OF YOU ? ( BOFUR/BALIN/GANDALF/GLOIN/EOMER/GIMLI/BIFUR/OIN/BOMBUR )

A special gift for @tolkien-fantasy​​

Again, you can read them as romantic or friendship relationship !

Again I wrote about the characters I can write and tried to put some I thought you might  like:)

this is different from the first post I made and deleted because in the end my draft didn't register the way I thought it would at first. Hope you still enjoy this version :)

BOFUR

-He and Bombur took care of Bifur when he was recovering from his head injury and even after. He and Bombur know what it's like to adapt and care for someone with special needs and physical problems. 

-He’s so chill and never make you feel like a burden

-the fact that you love to visit the caves fills him with joy! You can come and mine with him !

-you can't do something because of your problems? Don't worry, you two will find a solution together ! For him you are his friend and if you have difficulties, they are also his. A problem shared is a problem solved! 

-He's really impressed with your stubbornness and resilience and often tells you that you remind him of one of his people

-He often jokes that Aulë should adopt you as one of his children

-He brings you as much scrap leather as he can so you can practice on it. Not as much as he'd like because he's a miner, but if he gets a chance, he brings you some.

-Although he's a prankster and joker, if you think he doesn't see when you're hiding your pain, you don't know him well. Underneath his laughing nature, he spots everything. You can't hide him anything.

-but when you do that, he doesn't scold you, on the contrary, he gently reminds you: "Hey, did you take any herbs today?", "Did you drink enough water?" etc

-He will never pressure you to talk about what you feel but this dwarf is there for you no matter what

GANDALF

-you two met during one of the wanderings of the wizard.

-and from the very first seconds he’s very VERY interested. On one hand you are a human with many health problems. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to depress you, on the contrary. And above all, he is really intrigued by these gods that you worship.

-especially the way you communicate with them. It intrigues him so much that he thinks you are like him, a Maiar, sent by the Valar, but from another world.

-whether you like it or not, he drags you with him in his adventures. His first destination being the White Council where he presents you as an ally of choice against the forces of evil as follows : “stubborn as a dwarf, a special bond with multiple Gods, an exceptional memory, a knowledge of plants like an elf, a rare curiosity for a human ! Did I say a special bond with multiple Gods ?”

-For him your health concerns are only a consequence of your coming to Middle-earth. As if your body had not yet gotten used to your arrival

-It will take him a few days of travelling with you so that he stops seeing you as a Maiar and more as a human

-but that won't stop him from teaching you everything he knows about the Valar

-he really loves it when you draw the cards from your tarot.

-his sleeves are like Mary Poppins' bag: you can find everything without explanation. And in your case, it’s food. Lots of food. but, strangely enough, always food that you can swallow without any problem, even though you have never told him about your jaw problem.

-he pulls out of his sleeves smoothies, sandwiches, soft fruits, compotes, soup WITH THE CUTLERY as if nothing had happened. and will not answer any questions.

-when you walk with your bag on your back and your shoulder hurts, no matter how much you hide your pain, he will start humming a few minutes after the pain has started. Strangely enough, this is enough to ease it.

-this magician reads people like open books. You don't have to tell him anything, he already knows everything. But he won't talk about your health problems to your face, he will always do it subtly.

-like when you two were in Rohan, and he asked you to go with him to look for remedies for muscle aches. Or when with Elrond, he directed the discussion on the sensory difficulties and the solutions which could be proposed.

BALIN

-He is a dwarf, a diplomat, he has to learn and to know the human habits and customs but even so, sometimes he is surprised by what he hears, by what he understands about how humans work.

-In the dwarf culture, dwarves have different ways to express themselves: tattoos, hair ornaments, braids. These three things being important especially in times of war. By their position on the body, for the tattoos, or in the hair for the ornaments and braids, their number, their symbol, the color, they mean an incalculable number of possibilities on the physical, psychic state, on the past traumas, the won fights, the permanent struggles of a dwarf.

-It is all the more important that another dwarf from another dwarf clan can know at a glance what happened to the tattooed/braided dwarf: a psychic trauma due to the war, a revenge to be satisfied, a quest to be accomplished, wounds, the loss of a family member, a friend, a lover. Sometimes even the language to use, what not to say, a particular medical care to have with the braided/tattooed dwarf.

-he talks to you about all this because everyone in the Company is confused in your presence since you accompany them.

-They don't know how to react to your health problems because they can't identify what is wrong and because of cultural differences, they don't dare ask you questions.

-To give you an example, it tells you about Bifur and its braids: that the black and white colors are precisely in this order and well separated for something. In his case, this means for any unknown dwarf that Bifur speaks exclusively in Iglishmek.

-to return to human culture, he does not understand why humans prefer to hide their wounds or traumas whatever they are. Why hide it ? If you hide your pain and the origin of the pain, does that mean that others around you can't take care of you? How do you know? How to take care ?

-he will be more than happy to make you some braids and some ornaments in your hair: "avoid touching my shoulder", "back problems". Your health problms being very precise, it’s mostly the general idea that he braids but it’s doing the job

-By doing so, you quickly notice that the dwarves of the Company are immediately more comfortable. You have an extra pillow at night, Ori offers to carry your bag during the day, Oin gives you massages and herbal teas every night, Dwalin teaches you how to fight and how to avoid being hit.

GLOIN

-he misses his beloved wife and his wee lad Gimli very much

-He misses them so much that one look at you and he adopts you on the spot.

-same as Balin, he struggles at first to understand your health issues because of the lack of braids and tattoos: "How am I supposed to know? How am I supposed to remember?"

-he grumbles a lot at first, not at you, but at the fact that he forgets all the time and that he doesn't know what to do to help you, which frustrates him as a father.

-from the moment Balin makes you braids and ornaments, he acts as if you are the most fragile thing in the world, which can be very infuriating. Don’t blame him too much, he's just being a dad. That means : watch when Dwalin teaches you how to fight and threaten to break his arm if he hurts you too much, gives you his blanket at night to make sure you are warm and comfortable, drags you to health check up with Oin once a week.

-and above all, listening to you talking about your hyperfixations of the moment like a proud dad

-takes your anemia very seriously and prepares small snacks for you that he slips into your pockets and into your bag. You eat one, he adds two.

-a little bit apprehensive at first when he sees you worshiping Apollo and other gods he doesn't know.

EOMER

-he brings you all the leather scraps you need

-he wears with pride the belts, the knife cases, the bags you make with this leather

-However, there is a small competition between the two of you on who will do the most refined leather work.

-On the other hand, it is you who make the royal leather ornaments for King Theoden and his niece Eowyn

-Eomer often brings you to see King Theoden to draw cards to him and advise him during diplomatic meetings

-He has trouble understanding your health problems because he only knows about war wounds. This does not prevent him from asking the healers of Rohan and Aragorn or Gandalf when they pass.

-He invites you to practice fighting with him at least twice a week as physical activity strengthens the body, muscles and bones.

-Training sessions always end with a massage from him on your shoulders. 

GIMLI

-Can he tattoo you ? Can he PLEASE tattoo you ? Please ? Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaase ?

-Begs for the entire adventure to tattoo you

-or at least draw on your skin, if you don’t give up to his request after two days of begging

-he sees you as a warrior. There is nothing more courageous than fighting against our own body, a more painful battlefield, unbearable hopes, painful betrayals.  CAN HE PLEASE TATTOO TO MAKE SURE EVERYBODY KNOWS HOW HARD YOU ARE FIGHTING AND HOW STRONG YOU ARE ? PLEASE ?

-he is in awe of your strength of mind. For him there is no doubt that you would not be corrupted by the Ring.

-On the days when you are in extreme pain, he tells you about life in Erebor, the secret tunnels, the reflections of the torches on the lakes at the bottom of the mines, and will even sing songs from his home.

-Oin, his uncle, taught him the basis of how to heal people, but only war wounds. He’s incredibly frustrated not knowing enough to help you.

-never, never, never will he ask you about your health problems. He guesses them, he sees them, but he prefers for you to come and tell him yourself.

-he often gives you his share of food, with the excuse that he is not hungry, or that he has eaten enough.

-he LOVES it when you draw tarot cards for him

-But for him, when you worship your gods, he thinks it’s the Valars, but under other names. Sometimes he wonders if, like you, he would be able to communicate with Aulë, but he doesn’t dare to ask. Dwarves are secretive, it seems logical to him that humans are also secretive about certain things and he doesn’t want to risk asking for something he shouldn’t.

BIFUR

-So...you are short...muscular...you used to visit mines when you were a pebble...but where is your beard ?

-Confused dwarf

-watching you when you work on leather soothes him a lot

-he even shows you dwarf ornaments and art so you can reproduce them on leather

-after a while, you build toys together, both in wood and leather

-he specializes in wooden toys, and you in leather, so you two exchange your skills.

-the language barrier being a bit difficult at first, you two communicate in Iglishmek and human sign language

-he sings for you in khuzdul when the pain in your body is too much

-He’s really trying to help with your pain, but it’s complicated as he doesn’t know what to do for you

-he does his best anyway. He shares food with you, he shares his blanket. He even makes sure, without you seeing him, to take the material in your bag and put it in his, so that yours is lighter. Not too much, one or two items at most, so you don’t get suspicious.

OIN

-the most frontal about your health problems

-he takes care of you without doing too much as Gloin can do ( he even scolds his little brother sometimes for his mother hen behavior towards you  )

-He’s a veteran, he’s seen past warriors and injuries, and he’s pretty impressed with your ability to handle pain, fatigue, anemia, without complaining. But he’ll never say so.

-He complains at first when Balin braids you, claiming that you are human, not dwarf. But will he ever admit that it makes his job easier.

-with the help of Bombur he prepares a list of ingredients that you MUST eat to solidify your bones and gain muscle. He hits you on the head if you don’t finish  your plates.

-Also makes a list of muscle exercises and stretching for you to do daily to soothe and remedy your back and shoulder problems.

-He does them with you, by the way, to make sure you do them. Well, that’s what he says. The truth is he needs it too. But he’ll never say.

-As a healer, he is caring but that doesn’t stop him from being harsh. He sees you as a warrior, so he treats you as such.

BOMBUR

-Dad number two with Gloin

-Thanks to him you are entitled to extra food at night, by the fire. And beware who will try to steal your portion. Kili and Fili tried once. They’ll never do it again, revenge was terrible.

-He doesn’t understand much about your health problems except for two: your anemia, and your weak bones, because it’s related to food. Then be prepared to be fed as if his life depended on it.

-He really loves making food just for you because it allows him to be creative. You have trouble swallowing because of your jaw? There is no way you will swallow only soup! He will make you puree, compote, broth, including the ingredients that Oin prescribes. He has a bag of food reserved for you. Again, the first one who comes near will regret it.

-You two end up cooking together. You teach him several human recipes and he teaches you dwarvish recipes.

-If you need a shoulder to cry on because your body too much, this dwarf is there for you.