#Abandon my eulogy

[inkyrainstorms]

@aroace-get-out-of-my-face YOU. This. Woe be upon ye *casts animation on your fic*

they break my heart man <\3 I simply had to

[pzychojinx]

so, jinx in act one of season two. see, for three years i expected a full on descent into chaos and madness beyond any repair. i'd made peace with that, too. so i'm surprised - pleasantly, joyfully surprised.

very long analysis ahead on where they're taking her and how it speaks to me.

we first meet her again during silco's eulogy sequence - a beautiful sequence, halfway between dreamlike and real. "just like when vander shoved off", she says about his death. except it's not. after vander's death, after vi's perceived abandonment, everything jinx could feel was self-centered. she would say "she's not my sister anymore". she would devalue these people entirely. in fact, every single reaction to any action done by her loved ones would be self-centered and extreme. that is very much how her mental process works, how her trauma caused her to work. and more so: when silco would ask of her any work, any mission, she'd do the job purely for his sake, his affection, his approval, never caring about the cause.

in short, she was never able to get out of her own head for as much as a single minute. now, she starts the funeral off with "chembarons warring for control of the lanes. wannabe street thugs squabbling over scraps. just like when vander shoved off." and it's not about her abandonment anymore. it's not about being left alone. it's not about her. she's talking to silco about his city, his legacy, his world, his chembarons, his lanes. she's out of her own head, and it's the first time we ever see it.

"because someone put all those holes in you", she says then. and this is so interesting because there's obviously a dissociation here, as well as a very intense grief and sadness. we are obviously still dealing with someone who's deeply traumatized and unstable, but let's compare this with powder after the deaths of vander, mylo and claggor. powder had a full breakdown, both turned into a complete de-evaluation of vi as i was mentioning earlier and full desperation. "i only wanted to help, i only wanted to help, i only wanted to help".

this chaotic desperation is something jinx kept within herself throughout the entirety of s1 up until - the tea party. which i'm getting at, in a minute. point being, for now, that the jinx we see during silco's eulogy is grieving and lost and rootless and asking herself "what am i supposed to do with that?", but she lacks the chaotic full-on desperation that would lead her to acts of explosive destruction and/or self-destruction in s1. in fact, she's incredibly quieter. she's more grounded, more present in her movements, in the way she fights, in the way she talks.

in retrospect even her final action in s1, the infamous missile, already had the energy we're seeing now. it wasn't instinctive, driven by hallucinations or trauma or rage or an unrestrained trigger; it was silco's legacy and it was calculated. silco's death, i think now, left jinx as rootless as she's ever been, but it also left her with an acceptance of who she is. "don't cry, you're perfect". the tea party ends with her 'choosing' jinx and if you'd asked me before season two, i would have said with full certainty it meant she'd be going to be a loose cannon. entirely and with no possibility of ever being anything else. that's not what i think now.

i think she came to terms with who she is. i think now that the seat at the tea party wasn't a symbol of complete derailing, it was in a way a symbol of acceptance. "here's to the new us". she's fought her fight between powder and jinx and the tea party has permitted her to gain, in some way, a sense of closure. very importantly, having lost what she perceived as vi's acceptance, and having lost a father, she has also been able to shed the constant and desperate need to be in their favor.

during the 'sucker' sequence, we see her going through the lanes with a hood on her hair, very low-key. loose cannon jinx would have never, ever done that. loose cannon jinx would, quite simply, not have cared. she would have been extra, and explosive, and in everyone's faces. she's preserving herself not to be found, and that's new. again, i think she's still lost and rootless and grieving and really asking herself what she's supposed to do now that she's entirely autonomous and i also think there's definitely still a lot of bitterness and rage when it comes to vi which we obviously get to see during their fight and in no way is she magically ~healthy or anything like that - however.

she is still walking those streets in a way that indicates self-preservation. it would have been very, very easy for jinx to be captured by any of those goons and/or got herself killed. and for some reason, whether that be an apathetic, mourning state or mind, or whether that be some gained peace in who she is, or both - she didn't.

given all this, the new element that season two act one has introduced for her that truly moved me and made me feel... healed in a sort of way, is the introduction of human bonds for jinx that defy her historical, co-dependent mechanism of idolization and de-evaluation. ergo, sevika and isha. this is incredible for her and most of all, it's realistic. it's a chance at something, but it doesn't feel forced, nor fairytale-esque, nor does it resemble your usual ~redemption arc.

sevika and isha function as people who she's building some bond with, and since she's a little bit less in her own fucking head, and since she's not clinging to them as idealized protectors / saviours and neither is she refusing them as betrayers, and since she's not constantly fighting between what she perceives as her double identity anymore, she finally has the possibility to experience healthier bonds. sevika functions as somebody who still ties her to silco, possibly the closest thing she has right now to any root she might have left, and it works: reminiscing silco with her, gifting her the arm, doesn't leave her utterly alone but neither does it let her fall into the trap of clinging onto yet another figure from whom to fully depend.

and isha, very obviously, functions as the possibility of healing her inner child which is a goldmine for her storyline. her bond with isha could clearly have a narrative tie to jinx & silco, to jinx & vi, and most importantly to jinx and powder herself - this is all quite obvious but again, it's not executed in a way that feels like a forced 'redemption arc' or whatnot. the idea of this little street kid who just imprints on her like a lost little duckling, which is in no way jinx's decision, simply feels natural and heartwarming. does this mean i presume such healing of her inner child is going to come easy to her? no. but it's something. it's something very different from anything she's ever experienced before.

even through the loss, the rootlessness, the grief and confusion, the panic attack we see her experiencing through the lanes as a consequence of the moment she sees vi and caitlyn's enforcer squad, even through the brutality of the fight with vi, - and this is all to say, she's still a very traumatized individual, which is important because it would have just been senseless to have jinx somehow get fully stable like a switch had been flipped - we're seeing something new for jinx here. i've seen many posts related to "i'm glad it's you", and i might be unpopular here but while i do think jinx still has an element of suicidality, i also think she was at least half bluffing there. comparing her micro-expressions with the ones back on the bridge fight with ekko, i'm under the impression she was testing vi, at the very least partially. "poisoning us with gas?" is also an interesting line because even in her attack at her sister, she's less focused on her own trauma and more on something that we've hardly seen from her before - belonging to the lanes.

all of this to say, i'm loving the path they're taking for her. it's still very much jinx. it feels like jinx. but she's not just about to wreak senseless and desperate havoc in order to be seen by either her sister or her father, because there's no one to be seen by anymore. she's not fighting a desperate battle between her identities either, because she's accepted her place. she's not loud and erratic, she's quieter and coming to terms with herself. closure is truly the word that comes to mind, for me, in how i see her arc right now. closure, and unexpectedly, possibility.

[caorann8]

Grief in Dawntrail

Alrighty, here are my thoughts as a funeral director having finished Dawntrail. Obviously spoilers under the cut.

When someone says a game feels like work, that’s normally a bad thing. In this case it’s not. Two of Dawntrail’s themes are community/their different cultures and grief and while they’re explored more separately in the two halves of the story they are intrinsically linked. Funerals at their core are about remembering the person who’s died and coming together to support each other and remember the person. Even with the decline of “traditional” funerals, people who are just having a cremation and nothing else from the funeral home often say they’ll have something at home with their friends and family.

This is why Sphene pissed me off from the start. With the Yok Huy we see a beautiful funeral tradition. The body may return to the mountains but their legacy will always remain for their community to read and remember over and over again, even for future generations. Meanwhile Sphene echo’s the same message, “You will never die so long as you’re remembered” but then removes the memories as a misguided attempt to protect her people. They aren’t remembered, they’re actively forgotten by their entire community until those people die too.

Death and grief are complicated things. Something we learn in school is there are no stages as most people think. It’s a roller coaster that goes forward and back, has good days and bad days, and will sometimes crop up years later. What lessens it is allowing yourself to process it, and support from friends/family/community helps immensely. By denying them these memories, Sphene denies them growth and stronger bonds. A friend of mine said the people of Alexandria wouldn’t survive the Final Days and I agree. We even see this in the WoL! How many times are we able to quote Haurchefant or other characters who have died but made an impact on our journey? Even Emet-Selch asks us to remember them. The ancient’s love, their follies, the good and bad. While grief hurts in so many different ways, we often come out on the other side better, whether that be with new tools, new outlooks, or even just relief that the person isn’t suffering.

And this doesn’t just apply to people we care for. Look at the death of Zoraal Ja. Wuk Lamat hated him and he’d abandoned Gulool Ja. Regret or joy that it’s over are valid feelings . Both grieved in their own ways and had support to work through it. The fact that they were actively told to take a break to process everything, both after his death and after the attack on Tullioyal, was a beautiful touch. Grief is exhausting after all.

Finally, I want to talk about my experience going through Living Memory. That’s the part that truly felt like my work. Just sitting and listening to people say their final goodbyes to their loved ones. Some crying, some laughing at good memories, some angry, but all taking that moment. I didn’t cry really (except Cahcuia, that one got me), I got choked up and there was a heaviness for a lot of it, but there’s a joy in knowing nothing’s left unsaid. Even deleting the areas didn’t affect me much. They each got their last hurrah, like a eulogy at a service or stories shared over a meal. Plus the knowledge that reincarnation exists in FFXIV means they’ll be able to enjoy life again.

At the end of the day grief, in all its forms from the end of relationships, to what could’ve been, to death of a loved one, shouldn’t be swept under a rug. When people find out I’m a funeral director I often get asked if it’s “depressing with all the crying” and I always reply that I hear laughter coming from visitation rooms more often than tears.

[hunnysnoops]

Main Three + Craig with morbid/odd reader

“I want love to change my friends to enemies and tell me how it’s all my fault.”

Stan:

He lets you draw on him but instead of doodling you take a black marker and start to meticulously draw dotted lines and arrows like you’re a surgeon prepping him for cosmetic surgery.

While helping him with farm chores you go into detail about how you can compost and break down a corpse in soil, he just kinda nods along.

You give him tarot readings every week. He thought they were fake and just did it to entertain you until his week played out exactly like you said it would. When he realized he just froze up and went non verbal.

Stan- “Hey, do you have any spells to curse my dad?”

Met him when he was in his goth era.

The two of you were having a moment in the rain when you told him that he should’ve worn shoes with rubber soles in case he gets struck by lightning.

You started writing his eulogy when you were laying in bed together, bro was trying not to freak out. Just spam texted Kyle.

You’re date idea is taking him to an abandoned house.

You guys bonded over music. Now you help him write songs since you’re so used to writing poetry.

Reader- “You’re into music?”

Stan- “Yeah, I guess so.”

Reader- “Have you heard Carnival of the Animals, R. 125: Aquarium composed by Camille Saint-Saëns and performed by Philippe Entremont, Gaby Casadesus, and Yo-Yo Ma?”

Stan- “Can’t say I have.”

Kyle:

Has veiny arms so when the two of you are just chilling you’ll put your finger on one of the veins and start talking about what would happen if you severed it. He’s lowkey interested from a scientific standpoint.

You’ll straddle his hips and pull his lips back to look at his teeth, poking around in his mouth like a dentist. You’re inches apart.

Reader- “Wow, you have beautiful teeth.”

Kyle- “Thank you?”

He’s kinda fascinated by you but also repulsed by some of the things you do/say.

He came to your house and you were butchering your own meat, left right away.

You listen to The Cure together.

When you climb trees to look for birds and squirrels he’ll climb too to help you.

Will get mad annoyed after listening to you say incredibly out of pocket things while he’s trying to focus on something.

He’ll buy you little knickknacks that remind him of you.

Before he got to know you, he talked mad shit.

Sometimes gets super freaked out by your behaviour, you straight up give him the heebie-jeebies.

Reader- “So this is my collection of human teeth.”

Kyle- “All of those are yours, right?”

Reader- “Actually, none of them are mine.” 😁

Kyle- 😨

Kenny:

Sits through horror movies and weird foreign films with you. He didn’t like it at first but he came around and started sourcing out movies he’d think you like.

You took him to a Wicca ceremony and he had the time of his life.

You taught him how to make flower crowns and now he makes them all the time. He likes to give them to Karen.

When he sees something off-putting or creepy he will immediately take a picture and send it to you.

Reader- “Hey, it’s raining. Do you want to go look for earth worms and build a worm colosseum?”

Kenny- “Hell yeah.”

He likes to go for walks in the forest with you, you guys will look for bugs and pick them up or make them houses of leaves and twigs.

He’ll help you wash the skulls/bones you find.

Never really minded that you were weird, he approached you first because he thought you were hot.

He loves when you play with his hair and tie little braids into it.

You guys tried to recreate The Blair Witch Project but failed miserably when you actually got lost in the woods.

You’ll meet up at the graveyard and just sit in the grass while you talk about ghosts and ghouls. Sometimes you’ll walk around and stop at a specific grave and guess how they died.

Reader- “Would you rather be in Cannibal Holocaust or The Poughkeepsie Tapes?”

Kenny- “Erm, I gotta pick The Poughkeepsie Tapes.”

Craig:

Generally goes along with whatever you want to do.

Reader- “Can we go down to the riverbank to pickup fish heads and then eat out their eyes?”

Craig- “Yeah, sure.”

He’ll just watch you roll around in the mud or set little twig piles on fire, he won’t join in but he also won’t interfere.

You’ll talk to Stripe, not in the baby voice that people usually use to talk to animals but your tone will be dead serious like you’re talking to a grown adult.

The two of you will watch true crime documentaries together.

He’ll fuck up anyone who calls you weird or a freak.

When you’re out in public, you’ll point someone out and predict how they’re going to die.

There’s nothing you can do that’ll shock him, he’s unfazed by everything that you say.

Sometimes gets concerned with you around Stripe.

You’ll disappear for hours at a time and he’ll get worried, sending you a million texts then you’ll randomly show up at his door soaking wet or covered in dirt with no warning.

Craig- “Where have you been? You weren’t answering my texts.”

Reader- “I was meeting with a friend of mine who is alive.”

Craig- “Oh, that’s cool.”

Requests are open! I’m working through a couple right now. Thanks to the anon who requested this.

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

In which I cling to the last vestiges of two of my favorite shows of the year, write a eulogy for one of the most disappointing, and rejoice over the entry of a new fav. These shows are available for weekly streaming on Gaga unless otherwise noted.

Mr. Mitsuya's Planned Feeding

Farewell to a wonderful show. @isaksbestpillow has posted all seven episodes as of last week, so if you've been waiting for a binge, now is your chance. I already said a lot about why I loved this one, so I'll just use this space to urge you again to watch! This show is a goddamn delight.

Takara's Treasure

The main narrative ended last week, but this week we got a sweet little epilogue and one more visit with Takara and Taishin. I enjoyed the brief glimpse into their near future and getting to see Taishin turn 20 with his very first fuzzy navel, though I was a bit sad we got a repeat of the finale's themes rather than treading new ground for their relationship (I could not have cared less about the fujoshi writing RPF). This was a lovely show and I will miss these characters.

Happy of the End

CWs: Assault, child abandonment, child molestation, childhood sexual slavery, dubcon (including between the main characters), human trafficking, rape, sexual coercion and exploitation, suicidal ideation/possible attempt, unsafe S&M practices, violence

A very rough week for this show in terms of the content--please mind the triggers above because these are explicit depictions and it can be hard to stomach. I am waiting to see where this show is going with its themes before I make a final judgment, but watching the fourth episode in particular, some parts felt like crossing the line into gratuitous trauma porn that provided little additional illumination. We'll see how it shakes out in the end, but please take care with this one. I continue to find the characters and relationship dynamics compelling, and I am invested in Haoren and Chihiro's attempt to have a relationship despite the metric ton of baggage they are shouldering between them. Neither is equipped to even have any idea what a healthy relationship looks like, but they see something in each other and they want to try. That tiny bit of hopeful but likely doomed thinking may be all we have to cling to in this story.

I Hear the Sunspot

Sigh. I am sad about what this show could have been. For me, the finale definitely did not succeed at sticking the landing and making the last six weeks of wheel spinning feel worth it, and this show is going down as one of the big disappointments of the year for me. As you know if you've been keeping up with this weekly post, I loved the first half of this show, and Taichi's original characterization, so much. And I don't understand what happened here. The second half has felt like a completely different, confused, demonstrably worse show. Taichi hasn't felt like himself in weeks, the plots with Maya and the job at Sign were poorly grounded, inconsistently executed, and offered little pay off either thematically or in terms of character development, and the romance writing was a complete failure. It was actually painful to see Kohei run after Taichi and confess to him again, and the directing and editing of that sequence was so muddled that I had no idea what I was supposed to understand about Taichi's emotional journey or why this was the moment he was suddenly able to reciprocate. After all that brooding and his big speech about communication, he did not communicate much of anything to Kohei in the end. And I'm supposed to be content with leaving them here? Deeply unsatisfying on just about every level.

I understand from @twig-tea that while the story followed the beats of the manga's first two volumes at a high level, this production chose to remove many of the contextual details that actually made sense of the characters' behavior. It also seems they didn't understand they were setting up character arcs that did not get resolved until a later volume the show will not cover, thus ensuring the story would end at the wrong place. Just a baffling set of adaptation choices, and so much wasted potential. It's a shame.

Love is Like a Poison

But at least we have a new favorite coming in hot a week sooner than expected! I absolutely loved this first episode, in which we meet Shiba, our cold-hearted lawyer with delusions of grandeur and a sexually charged fixation on his house plants, and Haruto, our flirty scammer who has his number. This show is really well written and packed a ton of story, comedy, and deep characterization into its first episode. It's a promising start! For now it’s only available grey outside of Japan; I am hoping it will get picked up for proper international distribution soon.

Tagging @bengiyo to add this week's anime update.

[wanderingwomanwondering]

615 & 805 Cemetery Scenes

Fandom has already pointed out the fact that the scenes are parallel but I wanted to share my thoughts on exactly what that looked like and what it could mean moving forward.

In 615 Eddie mentioned Marie's line "We're all gonna die alone" from earlier in the ep. Buck then offered Eddie a little perspective and comfort saying that Marie was surrounded by friends and family. They got really real after Buck confessed that he feels different after the lightning strike. Eddie empathized and acknowledged that it made total sense that Buck felt different. He told Buck that he doesn't have to be any particular thing for anyone else and that "we're all different from one minute to the next". At the end of their talk, Buck pointedly noted that everyday since the lightning strike is "a gift".

The core themes were alienation and loneliness, and the healing power of connection and being seen by loved ones.

In 805, at the same cemetery but with Tommy this time, Buck talked to Billy Boils about the curse he put on him. He mentioned his arm injury and of course the boils. Buck made special mention of Tommy not wanting to kiss him. Tommy denied this but it seems safe to assume that Buck wouldn't have said it if Tommy had touched him at all up to that point. Anyway, the meat of Buck's eulogy for Billy was recognizing the "curse" as actually being "a cry for help". He realized that Billy was lonely because he was abandoned by his posse. Buck waxed on about how "our people" make for a life worth living - full of memories, help when we fall down, keeping us on the right path, and generally just being there. This scene's crescendo was when Buck said plainly "I can't imagine anything more painful than going through life alone". He then told Billy "I'm your posse now". Buck felt that by joining him, Billy could rest and that he'd lift the curse. On their way out of the cemetery, Tommy quietly echoed Buck's request that Billy lift the curse.

As convoluted as the Billy Boils metaphor was, the 805 cemetery scene with Buck and Tommy still had similar core themes to the 615 cemetery scene with Buck and Eddie. Loneliness, and the healing that comes with connection and being seen by others. Buck saw Billy in the end and that was what he felt could and would lift the curse.

Between the two scenes I'm especially fixated on a few key details:

Buck (805) and Eddie (615) were and still are wrestling with loneliness.

Buck was in a questionable relationship in 615 with Natalia and he's in one in 805 with Tommy.

Buck being distant from who he used to be in 615, distant from Tommy in 805, and Eddie looking isolated in the 805 montage

The loneliness common denominator in both scenes is actually Eddie. In 615 he's actually the one who brings up loneliness and in 805 his absence is actually louder than Tommy's mere distance.

The twist in the 805 Billy Boils subplot was the fact that Billy was actively **betrayed** by his posse. That element wasn't technically present in the 615 scene but I would argue that **betrayal** was implied because if Eddie's facial expressions were meant to be any indication in that episode, he felt some type of way about Buck feeling seen by Natalia when Eddie himself had been by Buck's side the whole time.

We saw Eddie taking the same trusted bestie role in 805 by going to the hospital with Buck and actively translating for him with Tommy when he came to visit. I think Eddie feels some type of way about Tommy too but he's Buck's bestie first and foremost so he just watches them when they aren't looking and interjects when necessary because he knows that Buck wants his relationship with Tommy to work. Yet, Eddie is mourning the fact that Chris is still gone and very upset with him pretty much all by himself since the start of season 8. Buck is with Eddie in spirit because how could he not be, still they haven't actually had any screen time where they've discussed it.

I'm hoping the anticipated 806 scene between them addresses Eddie's loneliness in the context of that grief and that Buck actively joins him. The other aspect of it that seems relevant is that Buck is actually pretty distant from Tommy. Pretty much all of Buck's bids for connection with Tommy get brushed off. If Buck does have a scene where he connects with Eddie over their shared Chris grief and Tommy knows about it, it could reveal the wedge between Buck and Tommy. They've already laid the groundwork for Tommy as an outsider/visitor looking in on the 118. A deep moment with Eddie and Buck that isn't played for jokes could force a BuckTommy conversation about the divide between them. Bonus points if all the crap from Tommy's past is also in the mix.

I've been having a hard time enjoying this season but this episode actually did deliver at least a few morsels to savor so I'm grateful for that.

[ladyeyrewrites]

8x06 Speculation

I'm gonna stray outside of my little fanfic writing corner into some speculation for a bit because I don't know if anyone's mentioned anything along the lines of what I've been thinking about, but I haven't seen it said yet.

So first off, I don't think the BuckTommy storyline for next episode has anything to do with Tommy being divorced. The mention of divorce and old wounds fits what they've been setting up for Eddie and it'd be redundant and too similar to the Carlos storyline in Lone Star if they did something like that for the thing from Tommy's past that Buck's going to have to grapple with.

So what have they been setting up for Tommy?

There have been repeated times when Tommy has commented on how tight-knit the 118 is. In 7x04, he admitted to being jealous of how it's become like a family. Then in this episode, when they're all in the hospital waiting room and everyone gets the group chat message from Hen, he says, "It’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it? Having a crew like this behind you, even when things go wrong."

And maybe I'm reading too much into things, but he gets this kind of far off look in his eyes like he's thinking about something from his past. Like he had a crew that didn't support him when things went wrong (which definitely fits with what we know about Gerrard's 118, but I think there's more to it that what we say in the Begins episodes). Knowing that Tommy recoginises his past mistakes, I also wonder if maybe Tommy was part of a group that turned their backs on a friend in need and he regrets that.

Earlier in the episode, there's another moment when Buck is info dumping that I missed the first time I watched because it's very quick. Buck is telling Tommy about Billy Boils and says "His own posse hogtied him. Turned him into the sheriff for the reward." We get Tommy's reaction to seeing that. His eyes kind of widen like it's triggered a memory. Or I could be reading way too much into things. If I'm not reading too much into things, that could support the idea of Tommy being betrayed people he thought were his friends (which would fit with how closed off he was in Chimney Begins) or was part of a group betrayal, either passively or actively, that he regrets.

Later, when Buck's delivering his eulogy, there are three lines that I think could foreshadow whatever hurdle we're going to see in the relationship coming up:

"Your posse abandoned you when you needed them most. I can't imagine how scary that must have been for you."

"Your days of bouncing around, unknown and forgotten are over" (the camera focuses on Tommy when Buck says this and he has another distant look on his face)

"'Cause I'm in your posse now." (Tommy looks at Buck with an expression I interpret as hopeful yearning, in addition to looking completely enamored)

There's been this consistent focus on Tommy and his connections to other people/groups. He wants to belong to a family. He's jealous of the 118's tight-knit dynamic. He's not quite part of the family yet (he and Eddie are friends, but he's not part of the group chat and Eddie needed to clarify that Athena was Bobby's wife) but he's making inroads through his friendship with Eddie and his relationship with Buck.

The writers could have chosen a different backstory for Billy Boils or they could have chosen to have Buck infodump about him to other characters. They very deliberately placed Tommy in those scenes where Buck uncovers Billy's history and show Tommy's reactions to this information. They didn't have to do that.

All this to say that I think Buck's going to learn something about Tommy's past that has to do with group dynamics gone bad and the part Tommy played in those dynamics whether as a perpetrator or victim. Maybe it'll be from Tommy's army days or from when he first joined the 118, maybe it'll be from earlier than either of those. I don't think it'll be about how he treated Chim and Hen in the begins episodes because that would be rehashing story the audience already knows.

I also don't think that anything points to there being a break up next episode because despite believing Billy cursed him, Buck still had his body buried, paid for a marker (did he also pay for the burial plot, cuz that's a lot of money for a 100+ year old corpse), dressed up in a suit, and gave a eulogy essentially saying he'd be on Billy's side. And Tommy was there the whole time.

If Buck can find forgiveness and empathy for a corpse he believed cursed him, he can definitely do so for his boyfriend if it's the case that he learns about something not-so-great that Tommy did.

Anyway, I have no idea if this makes any sense. I just needed to get out of my head so I can finish the next chapter of my fic.

[sisitrip]

"As Sweet and Soft"

Gallavich A.U.gust 2024

Smell her. She makes an event deadline on time lol.

For Gallavich A.U.gust @gallavichthings 'free week', I'm pulling out something a little different.

A/N and TW: The title of this story is a misnomer of sorts. This is a story that deals with themes of loss, regret, a retelling of an unaliving attempt, abandonment, and unburdening of harmful secrets. But, it also includes, above all, love of family, reconnection and the humorous ways we all try to overcome massive pain because there’s just no right way to do that. Here, there be comedy too (I hope) and moments so special (hoping again), I smiled the entire time I wrote it. 

So, lovely readers, the both of you lol, if the themes I mentioned will bring you harm in any way, feel free to skip this one and peruse other works that will keep you safe. Besides AO3, check out some other Tumblr accounts in the Gallavich fandom that might have offerings for you. This fandom is jammed with phenomenal creatives and I’m so happy they let me say “I go here.” 

With that, please enjoy "As Sweet and Soft."

--------------------------------

Ian walked him to the front and sat him down carefully as if settling a delicate piece of rice paper. With a kiss and a promise to be back after his ‘errand’, Ian left him alone and reeling.

Mickey sat in the loudest quiet he’s ever been unlucky enough to sit in. Churches, somehow more massive inside than out, always seem to bestow their attendees the power to hear the smallest sound; an apologetic peace offering for its chilly welcome.

Mickey flexed that bestowed power to catch a tiny sniffle. The scritch of nails on stockinged legs. A softly sobbed “42 is so young.” He hid behind this cataloging of sounds, all while wrinkling the most threadbare eulogy ever crafted. Panic rising, he stalled, cataloging absences too. His brothers were here, but his father was not. An aunt he’d never met was here, but Ian was not. 

His mother would never be anywhere again.  

“I’m sorry Mr. Milkovich, but we’ll need to get started. We have a wedding scheduled for later,” the priest murmured regretfully, having materialized like a ghost. He should be regretful. The celebration of death shouldn’t be rushed. 

At the lectern, he looked for Ian’s face in the small crowd, but he still wasn’t back. He needed Ian to keep the world from caving in. What errand could be more important than that? 

He smoothed out his speech on the polished, lemon scented wood. But, tears, fat and blinding, made it impossible to read. At sea, he crumpled the eulogy, struggling to articulate this tectonic cut into his life. He cleared his throat, blinking hard, and gave up on doing this justice. He’ll just do it his way.

“I don’t have a lifetime of memories with her to tell you about,” he began, talking to a pillar instead of the people watching him. 

“She left-” He swallowed hard. “She escaped when I was five. It wasn't as dramatic as that sounds. Her disappearance was actually kind of unremarkable, at first.” He gave a short, bitter laugh. “For something that rocked us hard, I somehow managed to miss it.”

He pressed his fingers into the wood, grounding himself. 

“It wasn’t until I hurt myself that it finally sank in. Like a lot of five year olds, I thought she’d feel it if I got hurt. Like physically feel my pain. Dumb, I know. But, she always used to magically appear to comfort me and bandage me up whenever I got hurt.”

He cleared his throat, fighting against the drain of tears building up. 

“When my cut went on bleeding and she didn't show up, I knew. I knew without a doubt that she wasn’t coming back. She couldn’t feel me anymore, I told my five year old self. So, I put a paper towel around the cut and I broke every toy car I had. That’s how I was able to let her go. I didn't know it would be harder to let her go this time.” 

A door opened somewhere and footsteps approached softly behind him. He refused to give the priest the benefit of his attention. He was almost done anyway.

“But, I didn’t let go of what I remembered about her. How she always smelled like dryer sheets and mercurochrome. How her blue eyes dilated to near black whenever she laughed too hard, which wasn’t often.”

He couldn’t see the pillar now and the soft sobbing from the attendees was wrecking his ability to get through this. He went on, nearly whispering as he fought his own sobs. 

“I didn’t let go of the memory of her sneaking up behind me, when I was drawing or coloring, and blowing kisses into the back of my neck to make me laugh. To make me feel like … somebody loved me.”

His eyes were streaming freely now and the pillar was a shapeless waterfall of gray. He doesn’t think he can finish. But, a small hand, bearing chipped, black nail polish squeezed his arm. 

Mandy. Beautiful, and here and here and here, filling the crater of his grief with her light and love. She gave him a curved smile through her tears. 

Weakened by surprise and gratitude, he leaned into her, pressing his forehead to hers. A pressing warmth on his other side was unmistakably Ian who held him up with an arm around his back. He could finish now. He could do anything. But, more than anything, he wanted to honor his mother. He took a deep breath.

“Like I said when I started, I don’t have a lifetime of memories to share with you about my mother. But, I have the ones I just told you about and I will treasure them until I die. When she could be m-my mother, she was everything.” 

He broke. His harsh, raw sobs escaped unchecked and the church saw fit to amplify them with heartbreaking clarity. Mandy and Ian pressed in close and helped him back to his seat where he couldn’t let go of their hands. Not even long enough to wipe his face of tears. Mandy took care of that. Face just as wet, she cleaned his cheeks without bothering to clean her own. That hadn’t changed in all the years they grew up together. Ian held his other hand between his own, sleeving it in safety and warmth.

The awful, anxiety ridden part is over. He did what he could to honor someone he’d lost a long time ago and he’s at peace with it. As at peace as anyone could be whose mother died. It’s a fitful kind of peace that settles uneasily like a misshapen shroud you never wanted to wear.

The rest of the service was quick and when Mandy inclined her head to the side door, he and Ian followed her, leaving the receiving line of strangers for the small, grassy graveyard out back. They sat amongst the sunshine and crooked tombstones, faces upturned to a cloudless sky the color of his mother’s eyes. 

“How’d you know?” he asked Mandy, taking in her shaggy black hair and pierced septum.

“Your hubby tracked me down a few days ago, bought me a ticket. Got me here to the church in record time.” She threw grass at Ian who just smiled softly at her. “He drives like a criminal.”

He caught Ian’s gaze, heart burning inside him. 

“Errand, huh?” he asked, chin trembling. He will never do anything better than marrying this man. 

Ian winked at him then turned to Mandy.

“You’re staying with us for a few days,” Ian said, cleaning grass off his pants. 

He and Mandy exchanged amused looks. Ian had used his “argue with me and find out” voice. 

“Eww, on the Westside? Do I need to get my shots before they let me in?” Mandy teased. 

Ian stood and yanked her to her feet with a smile. “No shots required for family,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. His mother’s dark hair.

They laughed, easy and comfortable, as if no time had passed. He wished his mother could see this enduring friendship between his sister and the man she wouldn’t let him give up on. 

Ian and Mandy held out their hands to him and he squinted against the sun and their openly loving expressions, blinded by both. He’s going to remember this moment forever. His favorite people are smiling down at him and it was as sweet and soft as a kiss to the back of the neck. 

When he’s pulled to his feet, he can’t help the impulsive kiss to each of their cheeks, surprising them. He shrugs. It’s that kind of day. 

“You want to go to the repass?” Ian asked, arms around the both of them as they walk through the shrines of people who will keep his mother company. 

“No,” he said, looking at Mandy. “You?” 

She gave the graveyard a sad, final look. “No. Let’s just get out of here. We’re disturbing the sleepers.”

They found Iggy and Colin shuffling around in front of the church, looking uncomfortable in their ill fitting suits. He’d told them not to bother dressing up, and was touched that they hadn’t listened. When his brothers saw Mandy, they broke into twin grins. 

“Dickhead 1 and 2, what’s good?” Mandy called, grinning too. Before they answered, she dropped her purse and took a run at them, arms wide. If there was anything good to be had from this awful day, it was his brothers happiness at seeing their sister. 

Iggy and Colin caught her and lifted her between them in a hug that at first was full of smiles then descended into tears. Mandy wiped their faces with the sleeve of her jacket and they touched her hair, trying to smile through their tears. Another moment as sweet and soft as a kiss to the back of the neck.

“What’s this shag shit?” Iggy husked as she cleaned his face.  

“Wolf cut. Easier to take care of.” Mandy cleaned Colin’s face next as he flipped a hank of her hair. 

“Call it whatever you want. It’s a mullet,” Colin said fondly while very gently cleaning her face with his tie and pressing a kiss into her cheek. “You look butch. I like it.”

“Ian,” Mandy called, smiling at Colin. “Can I bring these two weepy little bitches?” 

Ian picked up Mandy’s bag and looked at him with a soft, questioning smile. He shrugged. It would feel good to have his siblings in the house tonight. 

“Alright, listen up. Anyone of you fart, and I mean one damn fart, and everybody is getting kicked out except Mickey and Mandy,” Ian warned with a smile, linking hands with him. 

At their place, Colin ordered a ton of UberEats from every restaurant within a mile and they got comfortable down to their t-shirts and boxers. He knows the circumstances are different, but it felt like it did when Terry left for long stretches and they’d buy fast food with the money they pooled together. It’s how they celebrated the gift of peaceful days and no fresh bruises.

He smiled when Mandy padded out of their bathroom wearing one of Ian’s shirts, looking adorable and small. With a burger in her mouth, she whipped out a bottle of black nail polish and shook it while eyeing her brothers meaningfully. He knows what’s coming and her habit, born out of a need to self soothe, is exactly what they need.

He and his brothers took off their socks and while they ate, laughed and drank, Mandy painted their toes. It broke his heart a little to see her shoulders relax with each painted toe, a reminder of how she used to cope.

Ian bounced questioning eyebrows at him while Mandy painted Iggy’s toes.

“Mandy would paint our toes when she was upset,” he explained. “Been doing it since she was like what, Col?

“Four?” Colin answered. 

“Three,” Iggy chimed in, pointing a drumstick at Mandy. “I had more paint in between my toes than my actual fucking toenails.”

Mandy threw a french fry at him.

“Better than what you got between your goblin toes now. Was that dryer lint in there?” she asked, moving on to start on Colin’s toes.

“Could be. Or it could be cat hair. I like the mystery.” Iggy wiggled his now black-painted toenails. “Speaking of mystery, what’s up with your bare toes? Never saw you go one day without painted toes when you were home.”

Mandy smiled. “Stopped needing to do it. That should tell you something about my level of peace, yeah?” She started painting Mickey’s toes next. “Who wants to play Dead Body?” 

Ian swallowed his bite of cheeseburger, eyes popped wide. “Dead body?” he parroted weakly.

“Yeah. When we were little, we used to compare the times we all saw a dead body,” Iggy said, eating a slice of pizza. 

“You did this, why?” Ian asked. 

“Because, it was better than comparing bruises,” Mickey murmured, forking into his burrito bowl, toenails painted coffin black now. He doesn’t hate it.

Ian gave him such a soft, sad look, Colin scoffed.

“Of all the brutal shit we endured, seeing a dead body was like getting hit in the face with a pillow. Don’t sweat it, Ian,” Colin dismissed. “I’m going first. Mattara, alley. Gut stuck.”

“My turn,” Iggy said. “Lipotzik, train tracks. Froze to death. They had to crack his ass in half.”

“Don’t know her name,” Mandy said, “But, the girl who OD’d in the massage parlor. I saw them taking her out.”

He wasn’t going to join this game, especially because he’d never told anyone about it. But, now that his mother was truly gone, it didn’t feel like telling someone else’s secret. Not anymore.

“I saw Mom dead once. I mean before this time. She died twice.” 

His quiet comment silenced the room. Poor Ian. His face crumpled when he realized that Mickey wasn’t joking. 

“What are you talking about?” Mandy asked, sticking the nail polish brush back in the bottle. 

He looked at his painted toes while he spoke. 

“I got up one night. Had to pee real bad. I used to hold it because even a toilet flushing would set off Terry if he was trying to outsleep a hangover.”

Mandy scooted closer. Iggy and Colin did the same, food forgotten. He went on, speaking from a place of surreal memory. 

“I couldn’t hold it though, so I went into the bathroom. The first thing I saw were her feet. They were pruney and blue looking. Wet too. She was all wet.”

Ian got up and sat behind him, tucking him into the vee of his legs. 

“She wasn’t moving and Terry was kissing her. Or, I thought it was kissing at the time. I realized later he was giving her, you know, mouth to mouth or whatever. See, he’d … he’d pulled her out of the tub where she’d drowned herself.” 

Of all the heavy things he’d wanted to lay to rest today, this secret had to be heaviest.

“Terry kept giving her mouth-to-mouth. He didn’t even notice me standing there. I … I pissed myself when I saw her face.” He inhaled shakily. “Her eyes were open and she wasn’t blinking. She was just … blue.”

Colin and Iggy exchanged grim looks, but said nothing. 

“I must’ve said something. Maybe called her name. Terry kept pressing on her chest and snarled at me to get out. I couldn’t leave so I kind of squatted down and grabbed her cold foot thinking I could help him. Maybe help her.” 

Ian entwined his arms around his waist, and leaned him back into his chest while he finished in a rush, wanting it out and over. 

“She eventually blinked, coughed up a shit ton of water and started breathing again. She saw me and the first thing she did was shove Terry away, told him to get out. When he did, she put me in the same water that she’d drowned herself in, crying the entire time she washed me. Later, Terry told me if I said anything about what happened, everyone would know it was my fault. I knew that wasn’t true, but it felt like it was. At the time. Eventually I didn’t have to say anything because she left a month after that.”

He didn’t cry with the memory. Maybe because it hadn’t felt like a memory at all. It was more like a dream. Blue, cold and unreal in all its horrible detail. 

Colin broke the hold the memory had on him. “Christ, if I could bring Terry back to beat him to death, I would.” 

Iggy took an emotional swig of the Jack Daniels he was clutching, face red and working. “Me first, you second. That fucking fuck.” 

Mandy tossed back the rest of her wine. “Me first and the two of you can hold him.” 

“I’m calling the roster,” Ian interrupted, squeezing Mickey tight. “Mickey gets the first punch, then Iggy and Colin can hold him after they’re done so Mandy can kick him in those two shriveled things he used to call his nuts.” Ian gave his temple a hard kiss. “Me last so I can be the one to wiggle my big, gay dick at him in farewell.”

His brothers and sister held their silence for a single beat before falling into wild laughter. But, instead of laughing himself, he gave Ian a soft, sad kiss of understanding. Ian looked a little pale despite his effort to joke. The story had affected him too. He can see it in the tightness around Ian’s eyes. His story was one of the horrible things they had in common - children of mothers who got a second chance after giving up completely, but who had to leave their children to survive.

“You okay?” he asked Ian, cupping his face. “I probably shouldn’t have brought that up. I wasn’t trying to trigger whatev-” 

Ian pulled him closer and kissed his forehead, his eyes and his mouth last. 

“There. That worry right there. That’s how I know I couldn’t have picked a better husband.” Ian kissed his nose. “I’m good, baby.”

The Milkovich siblings watched this exchange silently, but exploded into gagging noises when Mickey kissed Ian three times in succession, surprising him. Again, today was that kind of day.

“Death makes both of you literal pussies,” Iggy said, laying down to put his head on Mandy’s lap.

“Seeing as how all you do is chase and admire pussy, what you’re really saying is that you want what they have,” Mandy retorted, bouncing Iggy’s head. 

Iggy opened his mouth to argue, but shrugged instead and settled for stealing a fry off Mandy’s plate.

“He definitely wants what they got. But, it takes him twice as long to chase pussy, and when he finally gets some, he’s in that shit for like a minute,” Colin said, slapping Iggy’s foot. “One minute, motherfucker.”

That’s all it takes. Iggy’s up and wrestling Colin while Mandy laughs and picks up her wine to avoid its destruction. Ian calls out a foul hold every now and then, tucking Mickey into his chest to avoid the wild foot swings. 

He smiled, watching it all from the safety of Ian’s arms. This wasn’t a repass that anyone would find dignified and he doesn’t give a shit. This was healing. As healing as any monotone gathering where cookie cutter condolences just made you feel oily and ill at ease.

This was what his mother would’ve wanted. Food, laughter. Love. No eulogy could've honored her more than this.

They stayed up late enough to finish the booze and food. Mandy claimed the couch and the boys curled up on the armchair and floor in front of the fireplace. He checked on them a few times before letting himself be pulled to bed where he lay, eyes hot and unblinking. 

The story he’d told had shaken something loose inside him that he couldn’t quite knit back together. His mother was gone for real. No pruney toes. No gout of coughed up water. No tears as she cleaned him in the water of her death.

She was gone.

Ian settled close to him, and the small lump in his throat became a boulder. It forced him to cry to alleviate the pressure, or so he told his cowardly soul. His tears turned into sniffling. Soft sobs, helplessly cried into Ian’s chest, followed. The quiet crying became harsh barks of pain and he curled into Ian trying to escape it all. Ian took him in his arms and cupped the back of his head to murmur nonsensical sounds of comfort. If only it was as simple as that. Soft words and a firm hug to clear away the pain. God, he wished it was that easy.

A soft knock on their bedroom door preceded Mandy padding in. His crying must’ve called her. It always did. Even when it meant she might catch a beating, Mandy always slipped into his bed  and hugged him until he stopped crying.

She did the same thing now, climbing over Ian to lay on his other side. She put an arm around his waist and he cried harder. For her, for his mother. For all of them.

Another soft knock. Iggy and Colin padded in with pillows and blankets. They settled down on the floor on either side of the bed without saying a word. Ian, God bless him, just smiled into his hair and gave him a squeeze, letting him know it was alright. 

After everyone settled down, the room was quiet and filled with the blue-tinged light of the moon and their collective breathing. 

“I think it goes without saying that we expect y’all not to fuck while we’re in here,” Colin said quietly from the floor. 

Iggy snorted from the other side of the bed. Soon, they were all laughing. 

Ian leaned over, kissed Mandy on the cheek, leaned down over her to slap Iggy on the chest then leaned all the way back to slap Colin on the top of his head. When he settled back down, he gave Mickey the softest, sweetest kiss. It was exactly what he needed. This closeness is what they all needed. 

As he started to fall into sleep, a gentle, almost melodic fart rang out. The bed shook as he, Ian and Mandy struggled not to be the first to laugh aloud.

“I can still stay, right Ian?” Iggy whispered from the floor, his plea a confession. 

They all dissolved into giggles, hissed softly between teeth. It was cleansing, this infantile humor. It was also a way for motherless children to find comfort and laughter in the dark.

“Yeah,” Ian said, breathing soft laughter into Mickey’s hair. “You can stay.”

He hid his face in Ian’s neck to let the warm pulse there soothe him towards sleep. He faded to the sound of the occasional laugh from his family, glad he was surrounded by the people who love him. 

And he can’t be sure, but just as he made his final descent into sleep, he felt something that eased his pain enough for him to sink into unconsciousness. 

A kiss, soft and sweet, pressed into the back of his neck.

[tammyfeabakker]

Seasons in the Sun by Terry Jacks play along with scrolling guitar chord...

This shout out goes to Lucy... our beloved Lucy time has come. I don't want sympathy... It's my eulogy to Lucy. We rescued her a few years ago. And gave her the best 2 years she probably ever had. She couldn't have had a better mum. My Katy is one of the best dog moms. She gives her everything the cost of her medical treatment was enormous. My Katy jus didn't give up she fought there no loops she wouldn't go through for Lucy... after the late great Bella her first dog. Who was rescued too. And again Katy did everything she could for bells. We decided to give geriatric dogs who have been abandoned. The best years they have left. This comes with the territory. This is for you lulu. Love you to the moon and back a billion of zillion times. See you on the other side.

[wannabanauthor]

For the BuckTommy shippers who want to watch SWAT

I have just a few warnings. I've watched a season or two of it and had to stop because of the very cringe way they handle political topics.

Spoilers under the cut:

The main character, played by Shemar Moore, is the worst. He's the kind of person who forces victims to forgive the person who hurt them. He does it with gunshot victims, his coworkers, and his family.

It's essentially a fake woke show.

"So what your dad was racist, he saved some black kids from a burning building the next day, so give him a good eulogy highlighting all the times he wasn't racist" and shit like that.

It's bad. Laughably bad. He annoys the fuck out of me.

"So what our dad abandoned you 30 years ago and hasn't reached out since? He's dying now and wants to make amends."

or "So what my dad left you for another woman and started a new family 30 years ago? You should let the past go and hang out with him."

This isn't even hyperbole. It's bad.

Not to mention the young guy who was new to the squad keeps trying to date his female coworker after she said no many times.

Don't even get me started on the racism portrayal in the show.

"He shouldn't have lost his job just because he accidentally shot a kid. So what the kid is traumatized. I'm going to make that kid forgive his shooter."

"We had to fire the white guy for shooting an unarmed black kid."

And to have a black character upset over his coworker being fired over it.

Not to mention the blue lives matter flag all over their SWAT gear.

It's not a good show, but have at it if that type of shit doesn't bother you.

[stereogeekspodcast]

[Transcript] Season 5, Episode 2. The Acolyte Eulogy

In crushing news, The Acolyte has been unceremoniously cancelled after only one season. The Stereo Geeks present to you their eulogy for this Star Wars show that was arguably their favourite in the live-action pantheon. But, Ron and Mon don't always agree about what makes the show great.

Listen to the episode on Spotify.

Ron: Hello and welcome to a new episode of Stereo Geeks.

Mon: Today’s episode is a eulogy to the short-lived Star Wars show, The Acolyte.

Ron: We barely knew you! But we will never forget you. I’m Ron.

Mon: And, I’m Mon.

Ron: I’m going to start us off by saying that I’m really angry The Acolyte has been canceled. I’m upset, yes, but I’m mostly furious. This show deserved a second season. People of colour and women deserve to see more entertainment that centres them.

Mon: I don’t know how to feel, to be honest. I feel like we’ve been robbed of a show that’s so smart and so achingly clever, as well as being effortlessly diverse. But, I had my reservations about a second season – I definitely wanted the show to continue, but I had mixed feelings because my favourite characters would likely not be there. 

Ron: Am I the only one on this planet who straight up didn’t notice that the show was “diverse”? I just saw a show with interesting characters. 

Mon: I didn’t think about the diversity either, especially not while watching it. But I couldn’t not notice it when I began writing my review for WWAC, which will be out soon.

Ron: The diversity is impressive! The only people who could have a problem with it are problematic, narrow-minded morons. But more on that later.

Ron: You've mentioned that you weren’t sure about a season two. A lot of amazing characters were lost in season one, but I honestly think another season would have given us even more Jedi to love.

Mon: That’s a positive way to look at things. I guess I really miss the characters, so I am not ready to move on from them. But I know I would have had we got another season. 

Mon: We’re going to head into spoiler territory right now, so if you haven’t seen the show, this is it, this is your chance. 

Plot

Ron: By now, most people probably know the story. I’ll share my first impressions. I was hooked from the opening scene. Carrie Anne Moss as Jedi Master Indara exemplified cool. She is completely at ease against her unknown assailant, dodging every move, predicting the next step. It’s only when she sees who the assailant is that she’s stumped and that’s the end of her. 

The rest of the premiere follows the Jedi as they try to uncover the truth behind Master Indara’s murder. A Jedi murder mystery. How absolutely amazing is that? I was in love. 

Ron: I will say that the entire show wasn’t a Jedi murder mystery. But that wasn’t a bad thing. The Acolyte introduced a ton of lore and built so much more of the Star Wars universe. We got to see the Witches, progenitors of the Night Sisters. The power of two theory plays a huge part in this story, and we’ve seen how Force dyads work throughout the films.

Mon: It took me a minute to warm to the show, mostly because the first episode is one of the weakest, directorially speaking. It’s not paced well, and it promises a setup that it abandons pretty quickly. The story that it abandons the mystery for is really gripping, but I wouldn’t have minded a murder mystery. 

Ron: That’s so bonkers that the first episode felt weak to you. I was enraptured! 

Mon: Wow. We’re usually of the same mind. This is so weird.

Ron: And, I actually do think the murder mystery angle paid off. But the show takes a very long-winded way to solve the mystery, and along with it, we get this whole other story about a Sith lord looking for an acolyte.

Mon: Yeah, that makes sense. Things picked up from the second episode, which is really well done barring the final duel, which again, isn’t well-paced. 

Ron: Wait a second. Why didn’t the episode two duel work for you? 

Mon: The duel says a lot about the characters, but it lacks an urgency that the story suggests should be there. 

Ron: Perhaps I was so taken with the show, the pacing didn’t bother me. I liked that the pacing gave us time to observe and feel the moment.

Mon: So, it’s funny, but, the pacing really bothered me when I first watched it, but the issue was practically non-existent when I rewatched it. This show, and I don’t really know whom to blame, is not made for a weekly rollout; it’s made for a marathon-watch. The structure of the story doesn’t take the ebbs and flows of weekly viewing into account. If you’re on a high from the previous week, you’re going to need something mind-blowing the week after. That’s not how The Acolyte was made, which, I think, may have worked against it. But, when you watch it as a whole, I swear, this is the best thing I have ever watched!

Ron: Fascinating! I do feel like a lot of TV shows are crafted like that. Or, rather, they’re designed as a film that’s cut up into shorter episodes. Hence they make for better marathon viewing and you get episodes where seemingly nothing happens. I didn’t mind, but the crybabies on the internet couldn’t handle it.

Mon: Well, Disney is obsessed with tv shows being one long movie, so the pacing goes awry when you make it that way and then cut it up for a weekly feed. That being said though, even in the episodes of The Acolyte where nothing happens, so much happens. It’s outstanding. The writing on this show is unbelievably good.

Ron: It doesn’t help that people have no patience and get annoyed with a show because they have to wait a week or more to get their answers. An episode like “Teach/Corrupt” feels meaningless to certain viewers but it’s actually packed with character dynamics that set up the remainder of the plot. But you’ve got to have at least a modicum of intelligence to understand that.

Mon: You’re not wrong. How dumb are people that they don’t realize the answers to their questions will arrive in the next episode. This show brought out the worst in people. 

Ron: For me, The Acolyte captured that feeling of watching WandaVision. So many mysteries to solve. So many Easter eggs to find. We’d watch the episode and go online and people would be losing their minds at the newest reveals or a shocking death. That’s what television is all about.

Mon: The intricate details of this show – not taking into account the Easter eggs and references – are so brilliant. The way the clues to the story are littered throughout the show, and how someone is reacting or doing something plays out is really extraordinary. 

Ron: Exactly! Everything matters in this show. The way Sol looks at something. The confusion on Yord’s face. Vernestra not reacting to information. It all matters in the end. But you’ve gotta watch the damn thing for answers!

Fan Reaction

Ron: So, I guess we might as well get the horrid part out of the way. The so-called fan reaction to the show.

Mon: There’s no such thing as a Star Wars fan. They’re just bigoted, racist, sexist AHs. I cannot stand the discourse around anything to do with Star Wars. You and I love Star Wars, but there’s no point in calling ourselves fans, because that is the most toxic group of disgusting luddites that anyone can encounter. 

Mon: I cannot, for the life of me, understand the blatant hate for this show from the first episode onwards. It makes no sense other than the obvious – which is misogyny. It makes me want to scream. Yes, The Acolyte has issues, but this is the best Star Wars live-action show out there, it’s better than Andor, a show that everyone loves, but one I felt really underserved its protagonist, who happens to be Mexican. 

Ron: It’s racism and misogyny. We see it over and over again and it’s unbearable. For us to see a Star Wars show full of people of colour and women. We feel seen for the first time. But despite there being a plethora of tv shows and films with white men in the lead, the fact that there is one show with people of colour evinces this much hate.

Mon: But this hate is causing real damage – we are constantly losing entertainment where the story doesn’t focus on cis white able-bodied dudes. We’re stuck in a cycle that will not be broken because the biggest entertainment companies in the world, like Disney and Warner Bros., will cave to the stupidest common denominator. I just can’t….

Characters

Ron: Enough about those awful excuses for humanity. The Acolyte was filled to the brim with characters that I instantly fell in love with. I want to talk about everyone!

Mon: I wasn’t sure what we were getting into with these characters, but they piqued our interest with little hints to their personalities and their histories. And the writing was well-matched with a lot of great performances that got us invested in these characters. 

Ron: Yord-Horde, what’s up! The instantaneous love for Charlie Barnett’s Yord Fandar gave me life. This Jedi Knight is such a stickler for the rules, he even steams his Jedi robes. What is not to love? I appreciate how quick Disney was to share BTS videos of Barnett talking about Yord and his goofiness. They really made us fall in love with Yord.

Mon: Love Yord. He’s certainly a stickler for rules, and that makes him seem boring, but he gets the job done. On the rewatch, I realized he has a chip on his shoulder – it seems that he hasn’t conquered his fears yet, and the other characters remark on that. It’s the layers to this character that really leave us wanting more. 

Ron: I missed that about Yord’s fear. A Jedi whose afraid? Dang, no wonder he’s so stuck up.

Ron: The character who stole my heart was Jecki Lon, played by Dafne Keen. I was excited to see her again after her incredible breakout role as Laura Kinney in Logan. And she was excellent on His Dark Materials. But Jecki is just a sarcastic ray of sunshine in this show. Every scene, she’s a delight to watch. She’s so mean to Yord, and their relationship was hilarious to watch. But she’s got a soft side to her. The way she talked about becoming one with the Force, it was so wise and comforting. And those lightsaber moves! We’ll talk about the duels in a bit.

Mon: I love Jecki! She’s snarky, but she’s so kind to Osha. I was certain they were setting up a romance between Jecki and Osha – those two had amazing chemistry, and like… Osha takes the time to watch Jecki train before saying goodbye. So adorable! 

Ron: I would have loved a romance between Jecki and Osha. The chemistry was palpable.

Mon: And Jecki had the best fight scenes. That energy, those smarts. I could have watched Jecki in combat forever!

Ron: We have to talk about Osha. And Mae, of course. You go first because I believe we’re going to disagree.

Mon: So… I really struggled with Amandla Stenberg’s performances as Osha and Mae. I felt they were unable to bring any emotion or expression to their characters, and that left me unable to understand who these characters were or how they actually felt. 

Ron: Okay. We’re going to disagree. Do you remember when Arrow Season 1 was out? Everyone went after Stephen Amell because his Oliver Queen was too wooden. And I never felt that because I understood why Ollie lacked emotion.

Mon: Should have known you’d bring that up. I never had an issue with Amell’s performance in Season 1 of Arrow, because it was obvious he was restrained and, honestly, just didn’t know how to fit back into his old life. But that’s the key – it was intentional, or at least came across that way. Here, with Stenberg, I think they’re going for restrained, but they’re all over the place, and they don’t react to anything that’s happening to them. 

Ron: That’s exactly it though. I think Stenberg’s performances are intentional. They’re a huge Star Wars fan and they’ve particularly shared a long-standing fondness for Anakin Skywalker. I believe Stenberg knew when to emote and when not to. It was subtle but there is a very distinct change in physicality between Osha and Mae. I was so impressed by it because the first time we meet Osha, it’s just after Mae’s murdered Master Indara. And I immediately knew this was a different person than the murderer. Osha holds herself so differently than Mae does.

Mon: We’re going to have to agree to disagree here, because I felt that they missed the mark. I’ve watched the show twice now, and they don’t convey their characters’ emotions at all.

Ron: Oh no. I don’t want us to disagree! I really freaking loved Stenberg’s performances. Osha’s far more emotive than Mae is but she’s got that restraint that comes with Jedi training. But Mae’s primary emotion is anger so we don’t get to see her emote anything else.

Mon: Wow! How am I missing this? What is happening? There is a divergence in the Force and it ain’t good!

Ron: Hahahahaha. I think it becomes even more clear as we’re getting to the end of the show. When Osha and Mae switch places, by that point, they’re both questioning their past and their understanding of what happened. And the physicality starts to change but also the way they express themselves. By the final scene, Mae is relaxed and emotional, and she’s crying. But Osha is holding herself up and taut, refusing to let her emotions slip out. It’s like she’s unburdened her lightness into Mae and taken the dark side on. It’s so clever! But perhaps it was just too subtle?

Mon: Subtlety is not lost on me. I just don’t think they did a good job. But you know who did? Lee Jung-jae!

Ron: I think Master Sol, played by Lee Jung-jae, might be one of my favourite characters in all of Star Wars. In just 8 episodes, we got to see this extremely nuanced, flawed, deeply empathetic Jedi master who did something very wrong with the very best of intentions. The kindness on his face when he sees his padawan, Osha, I knew right then that I was going to love this character. He brought the serenity that we associate with Qui-Gon Jinn but with the pathos of Anakin Skywalker. Even knowing what he did, and it’s unforgivable, absolutely, I still love this character. He had an incredible arc. That final scene, when Osha is force choking him and he lets her, he accepts his fate, it was so emotional and moving.

Ron: Lee Jung-jae was phenomenal in this role. He learned English in just four months so he could play this character. To emote so beautifully and effectively in a foreign language. You can see how much he loves this universe!

Mon: Lee Jung-jae is so amazing that words cannot describe how wonderful he is in this role. He carries so much knowledge about his character’s past, present and future in his expressions from the very first episode onwards. It’s honestly mind-boggling. Sol in the first two episodes is written and performed to make you fall in love with him. He is a master like no other. He is a person so kind, so caring, it’s like, why can’t we have such loveliness in our real world? 

Mon: And then the other Mynock drops, and you learn the truth about Sol. 

Ron: There was so much foreshadowing! But I still hoped the truth wouldn’t be as bad. It was worse.

Ron: There are a lot of people who were upset that their new favourite character turned out to be a bad guy. But I think that’s a reductive reading of Sol. Everything he does in the present is to make up for his mistakes in the past on Brendok. He’s constantly working to redeem himself, and that’s what makes him a Jedi, not a Sith. I mean, Anakin Skywalker murdered Sandpeople and Jedi younglings and he still got redeemed.

Mon: What Sol did was wrong, but only because we saw the story from his victims’ points of view first. If we were following the Sandpeople, Anakin is probably the boogie man they tell their kids about all the time. But that’s not the angle we got; with Sol, Indara, et all, creator Leslye Headlund, intentionally wanted to give us a different point of view from the Jedi’s.

Ron: What a clever story decision. To show us the Witches’ way of life, the love that Aniseya has for her daughters and then to show us what the Jedi did to them.

Mon: Over at Soundsphere, I wrote about how the show challenges how we perceive the Jedi, but it doesn’t change our knowledge of them. It’s bizarre that so many people took umbrage to how The Acolyte depicted the workings of the Jedi, when we’ve witnessed, several times, that they have been taking Force-sensitive children away from their families forever, that they have an almost cult-like need for their followers to stay in line, or else they’re seen as a problem. The Jedi are hardly perfect, but while genocide isn’t in their mandate, it’s not like they’re not known to commit atrocities – either as part of the Clone Wars, or when their people go rogue, like Anakin did with the Sandpeople. 

Lightsaber duels

Ron: Unfortunately true. The Jedi are only the heroes of their own stories. But we can all agree that the coolest thing about the Jedi are their lightsabers, right? And that The Acolyte had the best lightsaber duels since the prequels. The energy, the speed, the range of techniques, the ferocity. This is lightsaber duelling!

Ron: Look, I know a lot of Star Wars fans want to move away from the Jedi. We got nine films in the Skywalker trilogy. It’s a bit weird for the fate of an entire galaxy to be tied to one dynasty, whether they’re blood-related or not. Which is why people wanted to move away from lightsaber-wielding Force-users. Then you get films like Rogue One which are mind-blowingly relatable, political and impactful, and there’s not a Jedi in sight. The Mandalorian and Andor also didn’t have Jedi in them – that’s changed for Mando, of course.

But I don’t think the problem is seeing more Jedi. We just need different Jedi, different eras. That’s exactly what The Acolyte gets right. We go a century into the past, the High Republic era, the Jedi reign supreme, no Sith in sight. And bam, now you’ve got Jedi at the top of their game, with skill levels that wowed us during the prequels.

Mon: People are never happy. Lightsaber duels are the best – when done well. We need more! I would love to see more Jedi. And we need a variety of personalities, like we had on The Acolyte. They can be a cult of emotionless monks, and still be interesting. Three trilogies and a bunch of animated shows already proved that was possible. 

Ron: What more proof do people need? But the lightsaber duels in this show are truly to die for. See what I did there? Maybe the fight between Sol and Mae wasn’t as well-paced, but when the Jedi go up against the Stranger? That’s edge-of-your-seat stuff. Jecki’s moves, her quick-thinking. You just know she would have risen up the ranks of the Jedi in no time had her life not been cut short.

Mon: Episode 5 is when I sat up and took notice of this show. I was like, okay, these people are not messing around. They’re doing something different here. They’re making an entire episode one long fight scene. They’re not scared to kill off our main heroes. They mean business!

Ron: What really impressed me is that Star Wars is over fifty years old. And yet, we get The Stranger, with his creepy-as-hell mask, made of Cortosis that shorts out lightsabers, and his moves are unlike anything the Jedi have ever seen. Considering this is the High Republic era where the Sith are basically unheard of, the Jedi must have felt like they were meeting a nightmare.

Mon: Sol even says to the Stranger that you’re using a Jedi weapon but you’re not a Jedi. These are Jedi who’ve mostly known peace, a killer like the Stranger is unfathomable to them. 

Ron: I got chills when Sol said that! And it got me thinking about something. We as the audience know about the Sith, but the Jedi in the show don’t. It’s really difficult to keep up the suspense and the stakes when the audience knows more than the characters. I spoke about this in a previous episode of Stereo Geeks about Dark Matter, the Apple TV show. There’s a reveal to the audience in the first episode that the characters take up to episode three to work out and it was painful to watch. The Acolyte worked from the same playbook but managed to ramp up the tension and build an atmosphere of fear for its protagonists. We keep saying it but this show is so clever. By the way, Dark Matter has been given a second season. But not The Acolyte.

Mon: Where’s the justice!

Twists

Ron: Speaking of the Stranger, what was a bigger twist? That Qimir was the Stranger? Or that he killed the wonderful Jecki Lon?

Mon: Jecki being killed was a bummer for me, so not much of a twist. But Qimir being the Stranger was like whaaaat! And it was so freaking clever, because I remember, we were watching the episode the first time, and I had just asked you if Qimir was still stuck hanging upside down and then pow, he’s the Stranger. I thought to myself, no way!

Mon: Part of me was like, but of course! Why would they cast Manny Jacinto and give him the role of a smarmy supplier? I mean, that can’t be it! Give me a break. They were smart. I didn’t see it coming though. My jaw dropped!

Ron: But Star Wars has cast big names in tiny roles before. Poe Dameron was going to die after two scenes until JJ Abrams realised he was too hot to die. 

Mon: Wait, is that true about Oscar? He was too hot to die? Because he totally was. 

Ron: Okay, so I may be embellishing a bit. But that’s totally what happened. Too hot to die. Yord, sadly, did not get that same treatment.

Mon: I feel you. Yeah, I do wish Yord and Jecki and Sol and Indara had survived. I love these guys so much. Yord and Jecki live on in a YA book. Indara too. Not sure when we’ll see Sol again. 

Ron: After they killed Jecki, I thought to myself, you’re going to let Yord live, surely? We deserve one of them to live. But nope! Yord’s neck saw the wrong end of the chiropractor’s twist.

Mon: Funny. That’s Yord humour, I’m sure of it.

Ron: Thank you. I aim to make him proud. Well, Sol doesn’t make it to the end of the season either. He gets killed by Osha. And Vernestra puts the blame on him for everything. The ignominy!

Mon: By the finale I figured that Sol wouldn’t make it. It was the final blow because I somehow still wanted him to. But, again, the showrunners know that you know what’s going to happen, so the finale is not about his death – it’s about us seeing the bleeding of a kyber crystal, and it’s about the Jedi protecting themselves, to such an extent they’ll drag one of their own through the mud. This show is gut-wrenchingly smart. 

Ron: Was anybody else squealing when the kyber bleeding happened? Because that was such a cool visual. I’ve always wondered about Sith blades, because I like Sith lightsabers, so this was a spiritual moment for me.

Mon: I did not know seeing a bleeding kyber was something that was so important to me, but apparently it was. Apparently, a stolen Jedi weapon is the only way a Sith can own a lightsaber – they must bleed the stolen kyber crystal to wield it. 

Ron: Ooooh, I love these details!

Ron: I will say, I really wanted Sol to live. Not just because he’s my new favourite character but also because I wanted to see him pay for his crimes. That would have been interesting to see. What does Jedi justice look like? Because in all of Star Wars, we’ve seen a lot of justice dispensed via lightsabers.

Mon: That’s such a good point. I agree.

Score and song

Ron: We do mention this a lot but we love listening to film and TV scores. I couldn’t wait to dig into The Acolyte’s score. Mostly because that Power of Two song by Victoria Monét was stellar!

Mon: I love that Power of Two song. When I did my rewatch, that was the one post-credits episode that I watched all the way through so I could listen to the full song. I need to add it to all my playlists. 

Mon: I haven’t heard the score. Just a tune here and there. Is it good? 

Ron: The Power of Two is such an addictive song. But the score itself is lovely. There are some throwbacks to familiar Star Wars tunes but for the most part, Michael Abels has constructed a new score. Part one of the score, episodes 1-4 had a lot of outstanding pieces. ‘Teacher and Student’, ‘An Acolyte’, obviously, ‘Combat in the Courtyard’, and my favourite is ‘Under the Bunta Tree’. I can’t wait for you to listen to this score!

Mon: I’ll give it a listen soon. 

Cancellation 

Ron: Obviously we’re upset by the cancellation because it’s a Star Wars show and we love to spend time in that universe. But for me, while I was watching it, I was so amazed that this show with this story and cast of characters existed in my lifetime. That I got to see it unfold every week for eight weeks and share in the joy and surprise of it with you and other fans. The fact that we won’t get another season, and if the loudmouths have their way, anything else like it, is what makes me feel so gutted. Life is tough and entertainment is our only escape. But that escape is being denied to only select groups, while others have so much made just for them. I know I sound bitter, but that’s how I feel right now.

Mon: I feel you. As I said, I wasn’t sure how I’d approach a second season, because I wasn’t all that invested in the characters who were left, but I was dying to get back in this world. I am so annoyed that anything slightly different from the norm gets squashed. And why? Because the loudest idiots don’t know how a weekly television show works and that women and people of colour love and can create art that’s smarter than these loudmouths? Man, I just don’t have the words for this nonsense. 

Favourite Moments

Ron: Instead of wallowing in sadness, let’s relive some of our favourite moments from the show.

Mon: Some of my favourite moments… honestly, it’s tough, because there are some detailed hints to what’s happening or going to happen, that take this show to another level. But, a few things I loved were:

Sol in the first two episodes - absolutely the kindest, loveliest human being. He will steal your heart.

The Stranger reveal - devastating as we’re still reeling from the murder of Jecki. And the Stranger’s catty comment about Sol bringing a child to a fight that eventually led to her death, gutwrenching. 

The two-part episode directed by Kogonada. It’s divided into episodes 3 and 7, and my word, they are so perfectly directed to give you two completely different storylines. Truly brilliant work. 

Ron: I’m not sure if it counts as a favourite moment but it’s the moment I knew this show would be so much better than I had hoped. When Master Indara was killed. I was sorry to see the end of her but her demise signalled that nothing was as it seemed. I knew I was going to love this show from that very moment.

Mon: Fascinating. Expect the unexpected with this one.

Ron: Other favourite moments would be every time Yord and Jecki were in a scene together. You could see how much they hated each other’s guts. Hilarious. That dynamic would have been a joy to see more of. But we are getting a YA novel, which I’m going to nab the moment I see it.

Ron: So, I mean, I don’t mean to be horny on main here, but the Stranger dipping into the pool while Osha is watching. That’s a universal favourite moment, right? I said it so you don’t have to. But we’re all thinking it.

Mon: You’re hilarious. But you’re not wrong. 

Ron: Would I be cheating if I said all of the finale? Because the entire finale is a favourite of mine. Every single second is incredible, unexpected, and a gut-punch. Love it to the moon and back.

Mon: That’s high praise coming from you. 

Ron: It had everything! Sol’s death, the lightsaber bleeding, the sisters coming together and then deciding to part ways. Vernestra being the worst and putting all the blame on Sol. And we haven’t even mentioned David Harewood’s Senator Rayencourt, who was taking the Jedi to task about their mysterious ways. That scene between the Senator and Vernestra was such an indictment of the Jedi way. I didn’t expect it and I was honestly, blown away by the tension. Also, David Harewood owns every scene he’s in.

Mon: I’m not the biggest fan of Vernestra, but she’s got a good PR brain. Can’t fault that woman’s crisis communications abilities, even if it means throwing her dead friend under the bus. 

What we would have loved to see in a season 2

Mon: Had we got a second season, I would have loved to see more of the Jedi. Maybe some actual investigations and mysteries? I would also have loved to see them veer away from a boring hetero romance between the Stranger and Osha – because, I could not see that, they had no chemistry. Plus he’s toxic and she’s lost – we’ve seen this dynamic before, in the Reylo stuff. That’s a no for me. 

I think the show would have actually been gay if we’d got a second season, as well. But so much for that. 

Ron: A second season would have seen Rayencourt tearing the Jedi to shreds on the senate floor. And then he would mysteriously disappear and it would somehow be Sol’s fault. 

Mon: Yes. Yes. I see it. 

Ron: Also, Master Yoda would be implicated in the cover-up, which would explain why he’s been straight up lying to the Jedi for another 100 years.

Mon: Can you imagine having to remember this many details for 100 years? I’m pretty sure Yoda just deleted this hiccup in his history. 

Ron: Yeah, you’re probably not wrong. 50 years from now he’s like, Vernestra who? What is this Sith you speak of?

Mon: Don’t we know it!

Ron: Okay, I think we lightened the mood, despite the crushing disappointment we feel. I’m going to be happy that we got one season. We got incredible, multi-dimensional characters who made us feel all the emotions and whom we’re going to miss. I can’t remember the last time I fell so instantly in love with new characters. I’m so glad The Acolyte exists and that we got to see it. Bring on the extended universe literature.

Mon: The Acolyte is my favourite live-action Star Wars show, so yeah, this sucks. But at least we have this one season, and hopefully some tie-ins that we can enjoy.

[whatevertheweather]

an ask game for writers to procrastinate working on your WIP(s)

Thank you for the tags @bookish-bogwitch @aristocratic-otter @youarenevertooold I've been in search of ways to procrastinate <3

1. 🦈Tell us the name of your/ one of your WIP(s):

I'll go with one that isn't being posted yet: Callous.

2. 🍄Describe your WIP/one of your WIP(s) in the format of “___ + ___ =___”

Touch starvation + poor communication = Baz's No Good Very Bad Night

3. 🌍What tags or warnings will one of your WIP(s) need if you intend to share it?

PTSD, disassociation, and, uh, emotional hurt/comfort?

4. 🧭An alternative title to one of your WIP(s)?

Bold of anyone to assume I'm good enough at coming up with titles that I have multiple to choose from. Oh! But actually I do for Bait and Switch, thanks to Dre brainstorming fishing idioms with me. There were 4 alternatives, but my favorite is All is Fish, because it makes no fucking sense.

5. ⚠️Which WIP your most likely to finish or update next?

It had better be Musical Chairs.

6. 💾What is your document of your WIP/ a WIP called? (not the stories actual title but what you’ve saved it as)

In an uncommon turn of events, I only have one (active) WIP right now that's not already named as it will be posted, and that's "yeah sure let's just write some shit that's way later and not finish the other that's fine"

7. 🖍Post Any sentence(s) from your WIP.

It’s just…there’s also some deer in the headlights energy to him, which, mixed with the general aura of barely tamed violence, is throwing Shepard off. Truly, it’s been a good long while since he’s done this kind of pinballing over what he’s seeing when he looks at someone.

He does know what he’s seeing when he looks back at Simon. It’s the sort of face that has him politely averting his eyes to examine the bland thread of Simon’s shirt instead. He thinks walking in on the two of them tangled up without a stitch of clothing wouldn’t feel half as intrusive as looking at that expression did.

8. ♻️A scrapped idea for your current WIP.

I had to abandon about a page of the above misnamed WIP (now to be succinctly abbreviated as YSLJWSSTWLANFTOTF) because it no longer fits the tone of the rest of the fic at all, which is sad because it made me laugh. It's too long to put here in its entirety, but here's part of one line, which shall function as the dead darling's eulogy: "I know you have a dick, Baz, I’ve fucking well been thinking about it!”

9. 🤔What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

Okay there's one I don't want to say much about because, selfishly, I want to be the one to write it, but it's related to truth spells. (Technically I've started it because there's a document with 10 scattered lines of dialogue, but I haven't started it started it.)

10. 🤡How many WIPS are you actively working on?

I'm trying to focus on 3, but I might have to say 4 here.

11. 🛠Is there a scene or anything in the WIP you are struggling with right now?

I have rewritten the same 4 pages of Musical Chairs about 5 times. It's absurd. I know what's going to happen, I have the ending written, I have almost everything that gets us there written, and yet this section is u n d o i n g me.

12. ❤️Not a question, just a second Kudos to send.

I'm gonna take that as me sending kudos to all these lovely people: @cutestkilla @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @artsyunderstudy @fatalfangirl @whogaveyoupermission @iamamythologicalcreature @thewholelemon @facewithoutheart @martsonmars @ileadacharmedlife @ivelovedhimthroughworse @larkral

[howlingday]

Sworn Duty to Protect

It was cold that morning. The day they laid Nicholas Schnee to rest, her beloved and so adored grandfather, Weiss' heaving breaths came out in clouds of sorrow from her mouth. Her mother was so disraught by her father's death, she shut herself away into her room. Weiss didn't know it, but that would be the last she saw her mother sober for the next twelve years.

Klein held her hand, rubbing a thumb as he stoicly watched the casket lower. He also held Winter's hand as she failed to match his stone face. Whitley fussed in her arms, unaware of the tragedy in their family. Weiss wouldn't forgive him for... so long.

A supposed "close friend" of Nicholas spoke at the eulogy, giving empty words of death and dust and neither truly ending. Even at her young age, Weiss knew a corporate shill when she saw one. Her father arranged the ceremony, and it only made sense for a rat to come to assist a leech.

"Remember, Weiss," her father whispered, his voice a relief from the mockery, "that this death is faulted on one man. Do you understand?"

Wordlessly, she nodded. It was the man who abandoned her grandfather. The serpent in hiding amongst the permafrost of her home, trickering her grandfather, her family, into believing his lies of honor, respect, and duty. Her father was many things, a liar sitting high among the list, but he was no murderer.

Nothing like an Arc.

---------------------------------------------------

"You know what else is great? Me." Jaune jumped in. "Jaune Arc, nice to meet you."

"Hello, Jaune," the red-haired girl waved, "it's nice to meet you!"

"Thanks." Jaune waved quickly before getting closer to Weiss. "So, I couldn't help but overhear you say-"

"Did you say your name was Arc?" The white-haired woman interrupted, staring at the ground.

"Uh, y-yeah," Jaune answered, suddenly feeling a cold chill, "I didn't think it would be famous."

"Arc." She breathed out slowly, like the word held a deeper meaning beyond a name. She looked up from the floor, and Jaune nearly froze on the spot in terror. Never before had he felt such hatred, such boundless rage and disgust in anyone's eyes before. After drawing a long breath, she spoke once more. "From now on, your life will be a living hell."

"What?" With a flick of her wrist, Jaune was frozen up to his neck in a block of ice. Weiss then twirled in a sort of ballerina form and kicked Jaune to the opposite end of the locker.

"Come along, Pyrrha." Weiss walked away.

"Uh, it was nice to meet you!" Pyrrha shouted and waved before cautiously following Weiss.

"Was it something I said?"

---------------------------------------------------

"It wasn't just your words, but your actions." Weiss huffed.

The older man bellowed. "You sound just like your mother!" He touseled her hair again, which she spent all morning making look perfect. "But there are worse people you could be like."

"Oh, hush." Her mother said, holding her baby brother in her arms. "Weiss doesn't have to be anything like me."

"Nah." A voice came from behind before lifting Weiss high into the air. With a toss, Weiss was spun round and caught in the same hands, finding her grandfather's old and grizzled face smiling at her. "She just has to be the best Weiss she can be."

"Hallo, Opa!" Weiss greeted with a giggle.

"Hallo, liebchen!" After rubbing his nose against hers, he set her on his massive shoulder. "Where's Winter? It isn't like her to miss on a family gathering."

All eyes fell to the hallway, where a pair of blue eyes and a crown of black hair peeked around a corridor. When her grandfather followed their gaze, there was a squeak and she fell away. He belted a laugh.

"Scaring children again, Arc?"

"It's not my fault." The other man argued. "I've always been bad with girls." He looked to her mother for support. "Right, Willy?"

"Considering I had to throw you off a cliff for you to notice your wife, I would say yes."

"Come on, Willy..." the man groaned, earning another laugh from her grandfather.

"Mr. Arc?" Klein called from the hallway.

"Klein, come on!" The man opened his arms. "We've known each other for years! Call me Big Nicholas!"

"Hey!" Her grandfather barked teasingly. "You're already stealing my look, so don't go stealing my name, too!" The two continued to share their laugh. It was a running joke between the two named Nicholas.

"You never know, Schnee." He gave a cheeky smile. "Maybe my son will woo one of your girls?"

"If he has your charm or half your density, then I shouldn't have to worry." Her grandfather replied with a smile.

"Er, Mr. Ar- Nicholas Arc, sir," Klein called again, "Master Jacques will see you now."

The man shook his head. "And we were having such a great time, too."

---------------------------------------------------

"I don't think that was a great time at all."

"Sure it was, Ren!" The bubbly girl replied to the lean gentleman. "I got to ride a Grimm, then got a cute, little castle, and then got to kill a giant scorpion thing!"

"A Deathstalker." Ren corrected.

"Get goose height."

"Gesundheit." Weiss said.

"Huh?"

"Gesundheit," she repeated, turning to the pair, "it's Atlesian for health."

"Oh, like-"

"From this day forward, you will work together as Team CRDL, led by... Cardin Winchester!"

Weiss clapped from her place beside the two. As the names were called for the next team, she glared hard at the blond fool. Her gaze only burned hotter as it was announced the son of a snake was deemed in any way capable of leading a team. Her hated enemy was either more clever than he initially appeared or was charismatic enough to be believed. She couldn't believe either option, which angered her ever more.

As the months at Beacon rolled by, it had become clear that the fool grew affections for her. This would not stand, so she pushed her disgust and hatred for him as far as she could. Unfortunately, it only seemed to interest him more.

It seemed she would have to get physical.

---------------------------------------------------

"Are you sure you can't stay another week?"

"I'd love to, Willie, but if I don't get home soon, Jaune might start crying again." The man chuckled. "It's still surprising that my only son is the most emotional of the five."

"Well, he is your son." Grandfather chuckled.

"Ha ha ha." He dryly replied. "Good luck on your mission. Hope the bullhead doesn't crash from your fat head."

"My wife says it's quite distinguished." Grandfather replied with a smile. "But I should be fine, and I appreciate the concern."

The man approached her grandfather and grabbed his arm. In return, her grandfather grabbed his. Blue eyes met blue eyes and the two silently nodded.

"If there's any trouble, you'll give me a call, right?" The man asked.

"Of course." Her mother said. "But only if you promise to come as soon as we do."

"Of course!" He smiled. "You have my word!"

"And we all know how an Arc never goes back on his word." Grandfather finished. "Take care, Nick."

"You, too, Big Nick."

With that, the man left, leaving the Weiss to watch the door a little longer from her perch atop the stairs. How could she have known then that would be the last she saw of both the man and her grandfather? She couldn't.

Not even as she drifted to sleep watching from above.

---------------------------------------------------

"Agh!" Jaune tripped as he stepped back, falling backwards. As he stood, Weiss pressed the attack and struck again, knocking him down again. "Give me a break, Snow Ang- Agh!"

"Shut up!" Weiss spat. "If you have breath to speak, you have breath to fight!"

"It's supposed to be friendly sparring." Jaune groused as he stood, hefting his shield up.

"In case you haven't noticed..." Weiss thrust at him, but didn't connect. Instead, she feinted, tapped Myrtenaster, activated a dust round, and stepped away. Jaune approached with a wide swing, like a fool. Dust empowered, she thrusted a torrent of ice shards into him. "We! Are! Not! Friends!" Jaune fell onto his back, icicles cracking as they covered his chest. "I despise you. Loathe you. HATE you entirely."

"Why, though?" Jaune groaned as he tried to lift himself. "I haven't done anything- RGH!" Jaune's body was trapped in a black circle, his weight doubling, if not tripling within.

"That is exactly why." Weiss growled as she held her icy gaze on him. "All an Arc does is nothing."

---------------------------------------------------

"Dad?" Jaune crept into his father's den. It had been a while since he spoke to him, and even longer since he came back from his mission. "Dad, can I talk to you?"

"I'm busy, Jaune." His father weakly groaned from his chair. The room once full of light and life with open windows and music on the record was now dark and dim with shades shut and the only light from the hallway. "We'll play later."

"Dad, I..." Jaune gulped. "I was wondering if you could teach me how to use a sword."

The room was silent. Jaune gulped as he stood in the light, waiting for his father's reply. As the chair squeaked, he flinched. As his father approached, Jaune's little heart hammered in his chest.

A gentle hand rested on Jaune's shoulders, and turned him to the door. "Another time."

"Arc's word?" Jaune asked.

Nicholas flinched, though only he noticed it. Without answering, he shut the door. He walked back to his desk and sat in the darkness. He tapped his scroll and swiped through the old photos he took. It had been two months since his best friend's funeral, and even longer since he spoke to his family.

Nicholas Arc was a coward who couldn't keep his word.

[carionto]

Something was supposed to be there

Part 1 2 3 4

"Explorer's log, the Radiant Dusk at Everest, Day 1. Me, the impeccable Trisha, alongside with my irritating companion Haespar, (Haespar: Hey now, no need to be rude) (Trisha: and my point stands proven. Hush now, this is my documentary!)

and the lovely Silent Engineer Emily, (Trisha: Emily silently blushes, hehe) (Haespar: ignore her listeners, she's making things up) (Trisha: stop being irritating, you're just giving me more stuff to edit out later)

are making our way towards our first objective - the teleporter-warp engine hybrid thing. (Haespar: very documentary-like choice of words) (Trisha: see what I have to deal with viewers? No respect for the arts) (Haespar: I thought this was a documentary.) (Trisha: Gah, that's it, your character is gonna meet a tragic end at the start of this and I'll make you into a ghost in editing or something)

A-hem! Emily and I, after making our way through the desolate crash landed Dusk, mourned the death of our associate, Mr Kraus, who fell victim to faulty electrical cabling dangling from the dark ceiling. Tragic. (Haespar: I don't even get a eulogy? That hurts my feelings. *grins*) (Emily: *light chuckle*) (Trish: *gasp* Emily, I thought you were on my side! And you, wipe that smile off your face, you're dead now)

However, the two of us, accompanied by a SILENT ghostly visage of the fallen person, continued on with our critical mission to assess the condition of this deadly ruin of a ship, and figure out if we have what we need to make our way back home. (Haespar: Just to be on the record, the ship is perfectly fine, structurally, the lights work and life support systems are all green and we are walking along a nice, flat and wide hallway with no obstacles or hazards) (Trisha: buzzkill)

After hours of grueling work (Haespar: not even 20 minutes since we started) AFTER HOURS OF GRUELING WORK, we have finally made it to the first checkpoint. Emily, using her superior skills and knowledge of technology, has taken upon herself the mighty task of reverse engineering the broken down doorway (Haespar: aka - showing her ID to the terminal) to grant us access to the abandoned chamber (Haespar: pretty sure I went here two days ago) that holds the first key information we need.

The door creaks open under the weight of history to reveal...

uhh, okay. What are we actually looking at?" Trisha is forced to return to a normal way of talking as reality is now proving to be less boring than she expected.

Haespar, also quite stunned by what they see: "That's a big hole where the room with the telerporter-warp hybrid engine was supposed to be."

"There's scorch marks." Emily chimes in, "It looks like a perfect sphere. Maybe 30 meter diameter."

Indeed, a massive empty space where not only the hybrid engine was housed, but a few other less relevant rooms across five different floors were as well.

"It's like someone took a laser cutter to all of this, like in that movie, Terminator, where that guy comes back from the future and there's this cool effect and the ground where he lands is all like cut off and stuff."

"I'll take your word for it, Trisha." Haespar gets on the comms back to the bridge, "Ira, we've reached where the hybrid engine was. It didn't come with us and disintegrated a large section around it, Emily will send you precise details shortly."

On the other end, Chief Engineer Ira Tameki silently absorbed the new information. After a long pause and a deep breathe, she collected herself: "Understood. Leave that area alone, but continue with the task. We still need to know the status of everything else on this ship. I need to talk to the Captain."

"I don't know if telling him will do any good in the state he's in right now." Haespar suggested, but Ira shook her head, even if he can't see her.

"Probably not, but he needs to know we're stuck with no way of getting back currently. The sooner he begins digesting reality, the better."

"Alright, I hope you're right."

"Me too."

Continue->

[strugglingfloralclerk]

Influence

Summary: (TodorokixOC) Sometimes it takes a little bit of blackmail and good old fashioned vandalism to get friends out of sour moods. TW: Implies domestic abuse/violence, implied self harm, and vandalism. Discretion advised.

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Todoroki knew his family history was overwhelming and that was the polite way to describe it. He didn't like to broadcast that information if he didn't have to, but now...all of Japan knew.

Dabi was Touya and Touya was Dabi, and it made no sense that Endeavor tried to replicate his 'perfect heir' project not once but twice. The absolute nerve of that man.

For the past week, different members of Class 1-A tried to get Todoroki to talk about it. They wanted him to express some angry words about Endeavor and move on. 

Momo suggested he talk to the campus counselor. Toru suggested family therapy without Endeavor. Midoriya recommended Todoroki write a strongly worded letter to Endeavor about his shit parenting style. Bakugo told him to get over it.

Todoroki felt sick to his stomach. The trauma never ended, it only accelerated.

"Stop it." Taika's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Her pretty face marred by the mean expression that settled into her features. "Todoroki, this has gone on long enough."

He wanted to say something smart, something sharp at her command but he had nothing. 

"Get up." Taika ungracefully snatched Todoroki's wallet from his nightstand, and waved it front of him.

"No." Was the young man's reply as he settled further into the comfort of his bed.  What? Was she bribing him with his own money? Was she being funny?

Taika pulled out an extremely sharp pair of kitchen scissors from the pocket of her old highschool hoodie. 

Todoroki cocked his head at her, a frown cemented on his features as he felt both curious and uneasy at the sight of the scissors so close to his wallet.

"Do whatever." He replied lowly. 

Taika didn't miss a beat. "Alright, since you gave me permission." She opened the wallet and picked up Todoroki's shiny, provisional hero lisence and tapped the edge of the card with the scissors. It was easy and damn near painless to get new bank cards-getting a new hero license, not so much.

Not even rich kids could expedite that process. And Taika knew, that Todoroki knew that.

Todoroki's eyes finally sparked with an emotion that wasn't despair. "What are you doing?"

Taika flashed a playful grin at him and tapped the license with the kitchen scissors again. "Following instructions and doing whatever." She placed the card in between sharp, metal legs, and cleared her throat as she readied to give the license a eulogy before the first cut.  

"To Todoroki's hard work. It is a shame his daddy issues caused him to abandon his dreams of becoming a better hero."

Todoroki suddenly rushed toward Taika, his hand reached to yank the card out of her grip; Taika merely leaned away and held his provisional license behind her back. The scissors clattered to the floor of his dorm.

"Taika, I'm not playing." Todoroki warned, his voice a mixture of anger and determination 

She could work with that much better than despair. Taika matched his tone, "You think I'm playing?"

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"This is stupid." Todoroki muttered under his breath as they exited from the train station. Taika forced him into one of Sero's black and yellow hoodies, Toru's costume glasses, and Midoriya's All Might beanie right before she forced him to go on a 'self-care' journey for the night. 

"Your attitude is stupid." Taika shot back with ease as they navigated through throngs of people. She gave him a half frown. "Look, just try to get out of your head?"

Todoroki blanked; his eyes narrowed as if he heard a bad joke. "You want me to get out of my head?" 

"Don't overthink it, Todoroki." Taika did not have time to explain expressions and figures of speech right now, nor did she want to. Her eyes scanned the busy streets of Nagoya until she saw a convenience store roughly a block down the street; she lowered the bill of her baseball cap.

Todoroki felt a nudge and when he looked over he was greeted by a neatly folded (and possibly ironed?) bills right in his face. There was either a deeply mischievious or menacing glint deep in Taika's eyes. His mind was both alarmed but also captivated. If Taika stayed quiet with that focused, intense look in her eyes, Todoroki may have figured the emotion out himself. 

Alas. Taika decided to boss the sullen boy around. "Go inside and buy two egg cartons."

"...Why?" Todoroki felt offended; who was this uppity girl who decided to disrupt his night and command him to do such a menial task?  It all felt like waste, Todoroki grumbled inwardly.

"Because if you don't I'm going to put your provisional license through a shredder then use those shredded bits to start up a barbeque." Taika smiled her best smile, the one she knew that especially pissed off people. "I hope you like defeat as a side dish."

He narrowed his heterochromatic eyes at her and she merely arched an eyebrow at him and waved the money in his face. Too much like an owner that taunted their dog to play fetch if you asked Todoroki!

A tense silence settled between the two friends. 

"You know what, make it three cartons." The purple haired beauty reiterated calmly. 

Todoroki snatched the folded money; a quiet pout of frustration accompanied him as he did the little errand. I could be doing anything else. His mind wandered a bit to the unread books he ordered, to the new training techniques he could have perfected  by now, he could have watched a few soapy dramadies with Fuyumi too. He hadn't thought about the little things in his life he actually enjoyed until now. 

As Todoroki gathered the eggs, he felt taken aback for a brief moment as he exited the store.  The way he exhaled was shakey and filled to the brim with anger. He felt betrayed, kind of. His eyes fixated on the giant billboard of Endeavor high above him.

"I thought we were friends, Taika." Todoroki's jaw tightened in what could only be described as pure and utter vexation. 

Taika moved toward him; her hands sternly held onto his forearms; her eyes fixated on some location beyond them; and Todoroki suddenly found himself on the rooftop opposite of his father's billboard.

Taika nudged at him, a softer expression allowed to him as she gestured to the bag with their supplies, the tips of the fingers brushed together for a moment.  "Let's egg his billboard."  

It was insanse how warm and sincere that sounded but also.. wasn't that illegal?

"Wait," Todoroki's eyes shifted around as he looked for Pro Heroes or sidekicks in the area. He didn't see any but that didn't mean they weren't around. "Won't we get in trouble, Taika?"

"We'll only get in trouble if we get caught and we're not going to get caught." Taika added, as she handed Todoroki one of the egg cartons. "Or if one of us is a narcs, and I am not a narc. Are you, Todoroki?"

Todoroki thoughtfully examined the eggs before his eyes cut back to the billboard of Endeavor. 

He didn't notice the small sigh of relief and the way Taika's shoulders relaxed once she saw the first egg crack right on the billboard. Nor did he notice the way she smiled softly at him once she saw a faint grin on Todoroki's features.  She couldn't recall any time recently he smiled. 

🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚

If someone told Todoroki Shoto that he and the teleporter were going to be close friends the first time he met her; he'd think that was a backhanded insult. Now, Todoroki would merely shrug and acknowledge the accuracy of that statement. Which was better than how Bakugo would've reacted truth be told.

Before tonight, he never vandalized anything. Now after tonight, not only did  Todoroki vandalize three different Endeavor billboards, but he evaded building security. Twice. Maybe he should have felt guilty, or rather in fact, Todoroki knew he should have felt guilty. For the first time since finding out, Todoroki felt like he could breathe. 

I think...I think it'll be hard for me to adjust to the changes I may face, Todoroki thought as the invisible weight burried deep in chest evaporated. His eyes casted over to Taika, a genuine smile bloomed on his handsome face as the purple haired girl deligently kept an eye out. But with friends like Taika, I think I'll be okay. 

The pair huddled close under the cover of a hearty bush until it was all clear to come out.

"Don't worry." She whispered in perhaps the softest tone Todoroki's ever heard from her. "They're not cops, they won't be as thorough trying to find us right now. They have to report back to the building. Most they'll maybe do is file a report that'll go nowhere because they didn't even get a good look at us."

Todoroki tilted his head at her . His smiled faltered. "How do you know that?" Concern and curiosity burned behind his eyes. 

Taika blinked at the supposed Prince of UA. Why was he so dense sometimes!?

"Todoroki, you should know that too. We have an exam for our 'Civil Procedures and Rights' class on Tuesday!"

Oh, shit. Todoroki rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I guess I was busy wallowing, huh?"

Taika rolled her eyes at him, "Yeah, but you're done now. Right, Todoroki?"

His body eased at those words. Todoroki expected some lengthy lecture from Taika, but the few words she used was more than enough.

"Hn." He nodded curtly at her. 

There were a small series of follow up questions for Todoroki after that 'Hn'.

Was he sleeping well, if at all? Was he only sustaining himself with instant ramen? When was the last time he spoke to Fuyumi and his mother? Was he drinking enough water? Her last question threw him for a loop.

"You're not...you're not a danger to yourself, right?" Taika's voice still a whisper as a they carefully exited their leafy fortress. 

Todoroki halted and his blood went cold. "What?"

Taika doubled down with an explanation. Well, a partial one anyways. Tonight wasn't really about her and her issues.

"I knew a few kids in a similar situation to you, Todoroki, when I was growing up." Taika left names out but she pictured a young face or three in her mind's eye. Her heart broke quietly for the friends she lost. "It's not pity or paranoia, Todoroki." She was covering all the bases; being thorough. 

Todoroki wondered if Taika knew he could see the way there was a small spark of fear in her eyes. He heard the slight way her voice tried to shake as she spoke.

He always admired Taika for being so resilient. Scared, nervous, or otherwise, Taika pushed through and here she was, trying to help him do the same as well. It humbled Todoroki.  

"No." Todoroki answered calmly as he fell into step with Taika's pace. "I promise."

Relief rolled through her neck and shoulders as the stress of her worry dissolved. She shifted to a different topic, happy and sure of Todoroki's reply.

"Now," Taika reached into her back jean pocket and pointed Todoroki's precious provisional license at his face. "The next time someone holds your license, ID, or any other important documents from you, you're suppose to report that to the police. Don't fall for something like that again, 'Roki. Imagine if someone with worse intentions tried to blackmail you?"

Todoroki's face wrinkled into a mix bewilderement and awe at the teleporter, a small amused grin tugged ever so slightly on the corners of his mouth.  He plucked his license away from the teleporter. "You do know that you are a bad influence, right?"

Taika pretended to take offense; she pointed at herself with a faux look of innocence. "Me? I'm a saint."

Todoroki knew damn good and well saints would not encourage him to pour sugar and salt into Endeavor's protein powder. 

[sualne]

was going through my one piece art folder to see what i could show among all the stuff i havent posted and i found that 'not quite a poem but it's formatted like one, and also lowkey an eulogy-ish' thing ive made after reading chapter 1088, it was meant to be a very artsy comic but i gave up after drawing for five minutes and went into a rant because i was pissed, im putting it under read more:

(obviously, spoilers for chapter 1088, written assuming you know is dead.)

(rewriting the 'poem' here so i can correct the millions typos(and make new ones here)).

The Hero.(you) A son.(his) Did you even try As you watched him die, Was it worth it now? Knowing you'll be remembered as a tale, and not for who you are?

Someone who abandoned his family, Time and time again. Will your death sadden them? Relieve them? Will you be mourned at all?

The government will mourn a tool As they put forward the boy hero against your own. What will you leave behind but misery.

I had hope for a long con, For you three side by side, Generations hating injustice, To stand together at last, Despite everything.

Did you even know what to say once you saw him again, After his brother died in his arms? Did you understand how you killed him just as much as that flaming fist? Do you understand what you've done, Through inaction, Through your absence?

Do you think death like a prison is filled with people you put there?