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florencemtrash · 1 year ago

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Hummingbird: Chapter Four

Miguel O'Hara x Reader

What if the Earth-1610 (Miles’s universe) version of Miguel’s wife was actually Miles’s AP Art teacher?

Masterlist

Warnings: Violence and injuries

Seven months later

This shit was getting old.

One of Doc Oc’s tentacles rammed into Miguel’s side, tossing him against a wall and leaving a crack in the concrete. She smiled in satisfaction, oblivious to the spider-venom blaster he’d stuck to the underside of the mechanical arm. With a quick chirp and blast of energy the arm was blown off. It landed with a pitiful twitch on the ground as electricity sparked through its circuitry.

“Let’s go!” Hobie whooped, slamming his fingers down the guitar strings with so much force Miguel was surprised they didn’t snap in two.

Doc Oc screamed, blown backward by an eclectic spray of pink and purple newsprint.

Three arms down, five more to go… or so they thought.

New arms sprouted from their old stumps, flailing around for a brief moment before they shot out towards Hobie.

He barely dodged the series of blows.

“Is that hammer space, bruv?!”

Joder.

Hobie lept around the barren stage, launching battered amplifiers slathered in a dozen layers of stickers towards her. A stray limb punched through the drumset as Hobie spun out of the way.

He gasped. The amps they could replace, but no one fucked with his instruments.

“Is it time to call for backup?” Lyla asked Miguel as Hobie gripped the neck of his guitar (the battle-safe one of course) and swung at Doc Oc’s head.

“Do not call for backup!” Miguel growled in annoyance.

He could handle this.

“Yeah, I didn’t even ask you to come, mate!” Hobie yelled over the sound of Doc Oc sailing over the empty mosh pit and crashing into the guard rails. “I ain’t part of no band.”

“You literally just finished a concert three hours ago!”

“That got nothing to do with you.”

Miguel groaned, ready to bash his head into the wrecked drum kit.

No puedo más. No puedo más. He found himself thinking that a lot lately.

But as much as Hobie and Miguel liked to pretend they hated each other, they made a good team out in the field. They swung from the ceiling lights, electric blue and pink lights showering down on them in that crazed, photomontage way that tinged every part of Hobie’s world. It was enough to give Miguel a headache.

The worst part about the multiverse is that there was no telling what kinds of powers and modifications existed out there. For example, Miguel didn’t know a Doc Oc existed that had lasers shoot out of their tentacles.

“I feel like it’s time to call for backup.” Lyla repeated, casually watching from the safety of her AI existence as Miguel’s webs were split in two and he took a sickening punch to the jaw. He shook his head, blinking away the dots in front of his eyes as he took a moment to rest in the comfort of his rubble sofa.

“Do not call Jess. She’s on maternity leave.”

“I wasn’t talking about Jess.” Lyla grinned mischeviously.

Miguel narrowed his eyes, “No. Absolutely not.”

It was too soon, far too soon for him to drag you into a fight like this.

“CALL FOR BACKUP!” Hobie cried out from the confines of Doc Oc’s tentacles, squirming around and trying to use his head spikes to free himself.

“You weren’t saying that earlier!”

“THAT’S THE TOXIC MASCULINITY TALKING! YOU GOT TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH CHANGING YOUR OPINION AND ADMITTING YOUR FAU-”

A portal opened up stage left.

Miles swung out first, black and red suit standing out like an ink stain.

“¡¿Alguien pidió ayuda?!” Miguel could hear his smug smile through the mask.

“You already called him!?” Miguel scowled and hopped onto his feet, sprinting to join the fight as Miles landed his first punch against Doc Oc.

Relief flooded his system. He thought that-

“I actually called her.” Lyla said, pointing a finger with a grin.

Miguel’s heart skipped a beat.

You stepped through the portal, adjusted the gloves on your newly designed suit and teleported yourself onto Doc Oc’s back, casually blinking away any tentacles that got too close.

You were absolutely buzzing with excitement. Nevermind that you were currently blinking across spacetime to avoid the lazers that left behind scorched scars on the grass. This was your first real mission outside of occasionally helping Miles with his friendly neighborhood Spider-Man duties. And in Hobie’s dimension no less! Ever since you’d seen his unique color palette and design you’d been itching to see his world for yourself. Maybe you and Miles could take an impromptu field trip to the nearest museum afterwards.

“Lyla said you didn’t want to call me.” You said, happy with the way his eyes slightly widened beneath his mask. He coughed to clear his throat.

“You’re supposed to be at work.” Miguel said, tearing into Doc Oc’s tentacles with his forearm blades, “I didn’t want to bother you.”

“It’s summer break.”

“You said you were teaching summer classes.”

“I am! Only five kids are enrolled and he,” You tilted your head towards Miles, who waved back before he tore off an arm, "was the only one who could come to the Met field trip. Which you so rudely interrupted by the way.” The smile in your voice exposed the fact that you were quite ok with the interruption.

Miguel rolled his eyes half-heartedly, hoping you didn’t notice his restrained smile. “Let’s just get the job done.”

And you did.

Fighting a flesh-and-blood supervillain was a far cry from the simulations you’d fought at Spidey HQ where the only injury you could sustain was a blow to your pride when Lyla flashed the battle stats on the screen. Your training also didn’t account for the absolute chaos of working with a team. You nearly got in the way of one of Miles’s spider venom blasts and accidentally teleported onto Hobie’s back, throwing him off his rhythm long enough for a punch from Doc Oc to send you both crashing. Miguel had nearly lost his mind after that.

But after walking away from the fight with only a bruised jaw, cut upper arm, and a very disgruntled Doc Oc in tow, you were going to call your first real superhero outing a success.

“Sorry about earlier,” you said, extending a hand out to Hobie from where he groaned on the ground. He grabbed your arm and rolled onto his feet, shaking the dust off his jacket.

“Eh, it’s part of the learning.” He straightened his coat and reattached one of the pins he’d tucked safely away in his pocket, “Not bad for a first anomaly though.”

“Hmmmm, are we counting Spot?”

“No.”

“Damn.”

A shadow fell over your shoulder and you smirked, turning around on your heels to come face to face with Miguel. The fight was over, but somehow Miguel looked even more tense and irrate than before. Behind his back you saw Doc Oc yell and punch at the orange walls of her prison.

“Are you here to say good job?” You teased.

“Are you hurt?” He asked, voice tight.

Hobie brushed past you, “I’m good, cheers.” he said, patting Miguel on the shoulder before heading over to where Miles stared in awe at the anomaly. You felt more than saw Miguel roll his eyes.

“I wasn’t asking you.”

“I know.”

Hobie’s reply widened your smile. There was something glorious about seeing Miguel lose his cool. Normally you tried to get him to smile or laugh, but sometimes annoyance was an easier emotion to muster from him. It reminded you that beneath all that hard-won armour was a man just trying his best.

“I’m fine, Miguel.” You said.

He gently tugged at the bottom of your mask and you took the hint, pulling it off entirely. Miguel’s frown deepened as he gently tucked a finger beneath your chin and turned your face to the side, eyes narrowed in on your swollen jaw. You tried not to blush under his watchful gaze. It really wasn’t a terrible injury, and with your enhanced healing it would fade within a day, but it stll felt like a gut punch to Miguel.

You were used to this kind of attention from him. The first two months after joining the Spider Society had been a pool of uncertainty that you’d flapped around in with little control - you’d been uncertain about your powers, the multiverse and your place in it, and your relationship with Miguel… especially your relationship with Miguel.

His aloofness was only matched by his sincerity and once you’d forgiven him for what he’d done to Miles, you found him easy to like. His grouchiness and sarcasm pulled smiles from you as easily as water from a spring, and it didn’t escape anyone’s notice that you were the only one who could make him laugh and crack through his walls. But there was always that itch in the back of your mind that told you he only cared because you looked like his wife, not because you’d both grown to know and care for each other.

You tried not to think about it too often.

It made moments like these harder to handle.

“Nada que no pueda manejar.” You said softly, pulling his hand away and towards the anomaly, “Now come on. This anomaly isn’t just going to hop dimensions on its own.”

Miguel opened his mouth as if to say something, but ultimately relented, allowing you to lead him to where Hobie and Miles bent their heads towards one another, shooting jokes back and forth as easily as their webs.

Margo portaled in to help Miguel take Doc Oc to Earth-928 and you watched their retreating backs disappear with a blink before Hobie turned towards you and Miles, rubbing his hands together and pulling you both into his side.

“Now! Who’s ready to see some real art?”

______

“I can’t believe all the museums in your dimension are Koons-themed.” Miles said, slouching in his seat and looking positively disappointed.

“Why’d you think I took you to the back alleys, mate. Real art’s cheap.”

“Say that to my bank account after a trip to Blick.” You muttered, biting into your empanada with a groan of satisfaction.

You sat cross-legged on top of the bench, watching Margo’s cyber body split into two as the Go Home Machine whirred to life. Its metal claws clicked together, sounding like the chirping of birds as it spun its web around Doc Oc as she watched with no small amount of curiosity.

“You think you could ever do that?” Hobie asked, leaning against your shoulder and slinging his arm around you casually.

You raised your eyebrow, “What, forcefully send a living person back to their home dimension?”

He shrugged nonchalantly.

“You try interdimensional travel without your fancy watch and tell me how easy it is.” You said with a grin, poking at his side until he squirmed away with a chuckle. You took the opportunity to steal a french fry from him.

“Alright, alright, stop. I think you could do it.”

The four of you watched as the Go Home Machine finished its kaleidoscopic work. Miguel always had a clinical view of the work he did and the machines he created. Whenever it was traveling to another world, or encountering a new being (Spider-Person or otherwise) the last thing on his mind was beauty or a fascination with the ways things were. That’s where you two differed the most. So while Miguel hardly ever stayed around to watch the Go Home Machine run its science-magic, you always craned your neck to catch glimpses of the worlds beyond Earth-928.

“I better check in with Miguel.” You said, hopping off the table once Doc Oc was safely back in her home universe.

Hobie, Miles, and Margo all shot each other a knowing look before you could notice.

Now that school was out for the summer you found yourself spending more and more time on Earth-928, and after six months of training you could walk to Miguel’s lair from any part of the building with a blindfold on. The first few weeks you hadn’t been able to suppress the slight unease at entering the dark room where many of the captured anomalies would sneer at you like you were a meal to be hunted.

Now… not so much.

“You’re still here, Norm?” You asked, catching sight of the familiar gentleman who shrugged and smiled. He sat comfortably on the floor, purple hood and goggles abandoned beside him to expose his weathered face.

“Still here,” He repeated, “I suppose I’m not as high a priority to send home now that I’m not, you know, evil anymore.” He sighed, “I just can’t believe my luck. I leave an alternate universe and not even a year later I’m sucked into another one!” He chuckled.

“I’ll talk to Spider-Man about it.”

“Peter?!” His eyes brightened at the possibility.

“Ummm…no. Sorry.”

He nodded, shoulders deflating every so slightly, “Thanks anyway Spider-”

“Y/sh/n, actually.” Miles and Gwen had helped you come up with it.

“Well, thank you Y/sh/n.” He said and waved you on before he could steal more of your time.

“I told you it’s dangerous to talk to the anomalies.” Miguel said, eyes still trained on the screens as you blinked next to him. One day you’d manage to sneak up on him, but today was not that day.

You frowned when you saw he was still wearing his mask.

“Well you’re talking to me right now, aren’t you?” You said, bumping his shoulder with your own before climbing onto the empty space on his desk he subtly reserved for you.

Miguel stiffened and his fingers froze over the keys. It had taken you months to fully forgive him for all the terrible things he’d said and done to Miles - the things he may have said to you if you didn’t have his wife’s face… if you were just a regular anomaly.

“That’s not what I-.”

“You also said Earth-199999’s Peter Parker took care of the Green Goblin. I think we’re fine.”

He nodded and sighed. His eyes were killing him right now and even the faint flicking of the red-orange lights from the screens felt like blows to his skull.

“He wants to go home.” You said and saw his eyes flicker to the anomaly on the screen, red and tired.

“I know. He’s scheduled to be sent back tonight. I promise.”

You nodded with satisfaction and snapped your fingers, a pair of sunglasses blinking into the palm of your hand, “You should take a break. You’ve been working non-stop for over two days now.”

“I’ve got work to do.”

“The multiverse is not going to shatter because you take a thirty-minute lunch break, Miguel.”

He eyed you warily and shook his head, fingers flying across the touchpad like they were racing to win gold.

He always did this. He always worked himself to the bone until you would find him red-eyed and slumped over the tabletop for one of his thirty-minute “power-naps.”

“Lyla.” You called out. The woman appeared perched on your shoulders.

“You rang?”

“Can you please tell Miguel that the multiverse isn’t going to collapse before he does?”

“Ooooh you said please. I like you.” Miguel muttered a few choice words under his breath, “The multiverse is holding steady. I’ll alert you if anything changes at all.” Lyla winked at you and disappeared.

“Realmente necesito cambiar su código.” Miguel grumbled.

“¡Ni se te ocurra!”

Miguel tightened his lips but said nothing. You slid over to sit in front of him and pushed against his chest until he finally relented and sat down in the chair. He didn’t want to admit this, but the only reason he agreed to sit down was because he’d fractured two ribs in the fight, and you pressing against his chest hurt like a bitch.

“Did you really come all this way just to get me to rest?”

“Obviously.” You tossed the sunglasses into his lap along with the extra empanada you’d been carrying around the last half-hour. You hoped it was still warm, but then again, if it weren’t for you he probably wouldn’t have remembered to eat at all.

The corner of his mouth tilted up. “Gracias.”

“Solo cállate y come. Lo juro, es como si estuviera tratando de mantener viva una planta de interior. Una planta de interior muy obstinada.”

He tilted his head down, hiding his face as his mask disappeared.

You held your breath, reaching out instinctively to hold his face in between your hands. Color rushed into his cheeks, emphasizing the dark, purple bruise that crawled its way up from his jawline to his cheek bone, the flesh around it swollen and warm when you carefully traced it with your finger. The bridge of his nose was similarly bruised, the strong slope of his nose tilted ever so slightly to the left.

Miguel also stopped breathing, the pain hardly registering as he felt your eyes against his skin as physical and real as your hands.

You became all too aware of the closeness, the way he was looking at you. A familiar and malicious voice scratched the back of your mind - What are you to him? Who are you to him? Who is he really thinking about when he looks at you like that?

You let go of his face, your heart sinking in your chest.

“¿Qué te sucedió?” You murmured. His brown-red eyes were wide and soft.

He cleared his throat, disappointment gathering in his chest when you withdrew your hands, “I guess I should have called for backup sooner.”

“Where else are you hurt?”

“I’m not-”

“Where else are you hurt? Y no te atrevas a mentirme.”

Miguel melted under your fiery gaze. You weren’t one to show your anger - teaching teenagers had strengthened your patience - but Miguel had a special way of pushing your buttons, whether he knew it or not.

“I may or may not have cracked a rib… or two.”

“Miguel!”

“I’ll heal!”

“Estúpido, bastardo terco.” You muttered under your breath with no small measure of affection.

You reached over and gently pressed on his stomach, hearing him hiss in pain. He grabbed your arm to get you to stop, shame coloring his bruised cheek.

“I’ll be ok. I promise.” He whispered when you leaned down from your seat to inspect his jaw again. Any longer under your watchful gaze and he might just combust.

“I know you’ll be ok. I just…” Your lips tightened. “I don’t like to see you hurt.”

You’d been in this situation before with Miguel a few times. It always ended with him promising to take better care of himself, holding to that promise for a few weeks, and then falling back into old, self-destructive habits. The others said he had gotten better about taking care of himself ever since you’d come into the picture, but you found that hard to believe.

“I don’t like to see you hurt either.” He admitted, gently rubbing up and down your forearms. He eyed the tear in your suit, and the clean white bandage that peeked through.

Who is he really thinking of?

You told that voice to shut up.

“So you can imagine how worried I get when I see you like this.”

Miguel sighed, running his hands through his hair and mussing up the curls. He could imagine it all too well. Every time you left for your own dimension a knot of worry would sink in his chest like a boulder dropped into a lake, and it wouldn’t dissipate until the next time he saw you safe and whole. He flinched at the very thought of you sporting bruises and cracked bones like the ones he had - the scars he bore after years on the job.

“What would you have me do?” He asked, “I can’t just give this up.”

“I’m not- No one is asking you to. I know you need to do this. But you don’t have to do it alone. You know any of the other Spider-People would be more than happy to help monitor things in the Spider-Verse.”

“One - it’s the Arachnoid Humanoid Poly-Multiverse. And two - the other Spider-People aren’t like me. They can’t do what I do.”

“You’re right, they’re a hell of a lot funnier” He scoffed, setting his jaw in a scowl that had pain flaring up the left side of his face. “And they don’t go around punching teenagers.”

“That was one time!”

Your lips turned in a downward smile, trying to suppress your laughter at the indignant expression on his face. The scowl on his face slowly but surely loosened, twisting into a barely concealed smile.

“Stop doing that.” He muttered.

“Doing what?” You asked innocently.

“Getting me to smile and laugh. It hurts my ribs.”

“All the more reason to get some rest, Miguel.” You said, ruffling his hair and gleaming with satisfaction when he finally allowed himself to smile. You plucked the sunglasses from his lap and placed them on his face, careful not to upset his healing nose.

How was it possible that he hated and loved the way you said his name so much? He knew you cared for him. The first two months had been tense and filled with questions of what you were to one another - A mistake? A bad memory? Husband and wife? It had been a time when every touch, glance, and hidden smile had been given with a measure of uncertainty and restraint.

Miguel didn’t feel that way anymore. When you messed up his hair and forced his hidden smile out into the open he just saw you. Not some version of his wife. Not someone he’d barely known. Not someone he’d lost.

Just you.

“If I promise to take the night off to sleep and let Ben and LEGO Peter take care of it, would that satisfy you?”

You hummed in thought, “How many hours of sleep are we talking about?”

“Four.”

“Seven.” You countered.

“Five.”

“Deal.” You stuck out your hand, a wide grin on your face that Miguel matched when he shook your hand.

“What would I do without you?” He asked sarcastically.

You scoffed, “Shrivel up and die, probably.”

<- Previous chapter Next chapter ->

_________

Author's note: Here's Chapter Four! Y/n is feeling some insecurity about her relationship with Miguel... I wonder if that will come up again in the next chapter 👀...........

As always, please let me know your thoughts! Hope you enjoy :)

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#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x y/n #atsv x reader #miguel x reader #Miguel spiderman #miguel o'hara x wife reader #atsv x y/n #atsv miguel #hobie brown #spider gwen #gwen stacy #miles morales

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senorincognito69 · 3 months ago

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Monthly Art 34: Queen of all Saiyans (Woman into Great Ape TF comic)

Bulma concocted a super gift for her husband…!

9 panel TF comic page of Bulma becoming a Great Ape

You can get the full art (and many more TFgoods) in one of these links for a small fee:

https://subscribestar.adult/posts/1580629

Lineart by TanzaM ( https://www.furaffinity.net/user/tanzam/ ) art & color by Ereon (https://www.deviantart.com/new-ereon)

#transformation #tf #art #dragonball z #bulma

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a-z0-9-i-n-gram-completionist · 11 months ago

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#max: 14

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motriders · 3 months ago

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Must-Have British Customs Parts for Your Motorbike At the point when you begin searching for motorbike parts in the UK, you'll rapidly understand there's an entire universe of cool stuff out there. Here are a portion of the top picks that each motorbike fan ought to consider:

Exhaust Systems English-made exhaust systems are the gear of legend. Whether you're after that exemplary profound thunder or a presentation-centered overhaul, you'll track down something that gives your bicycle an exceptional sound and a lift in power. Furthermore, they look perfect — nothing says "custom" like a very much-created exhaust.

Custom Handlebars A new set of handlebars can change the feel of your ride. Whether you're into sporty clip-ons, laid-back cruisers, or bold ape hangers, the UK has you covered. British-made handlebars not only look fantastic but are built for comfort, too. They’re the perfect way to personalize your motorbike while making sure you're riding in style and comfort.

Seats and Saddles Comfort is key, especially if you’re out on long rides. Custom seats from British manufacturers are made to not only look great but also keep you comfy for hours on the road. Whether you're going for exemplary cowhide or something somewhat more present-day, there's no lack of seat styles to browse in the UK.

Suspension & Shock Absorbers If you believe your motorbike should deal with it like a fantasy, you want top-quality suspension. British brands know their stuff when it comes to shocks and suspension parts. Whether you want something smooth for long-distance cruising or something sporty for faster, more aggressive riding, UK-made suspension parts will do the job.

Lights and Indicators Custom lighting is one of the easiest ways to make your motorbike pop. From sleek LED indicators to unique headlamps and tail lights, UK brands offer loads of options that bring a fresh look to your bike while keeping things practical and functional.

Where to Shop for British Customs Parts in the UK The UK is full of places to pick up custom motorbike parts. Whether you’re shopping online or heading to a local shop, there are tonnes of retailers who specialize in British-made parts. The beauty of shopping in the UK is the wide selection of parts from both well-established brands and smaller, boutique manufacturers. You’ll find everything from major exhaust companies to independent artisans who craft some of the most unique motorbike accessories around.

If you're the sort who likes to get involved, visiting a shop face-to-face is an extraordinary method for seeing the nature of the parts firsthand. You can ask the staff for suggestions, and much of the time, they'll try and assist you with establishment guidance. For individuals who like to shop from the lounge chair, there are a lot of internet-based stores that convey right to your entryway, so you can take as much time as necessary perusing and purchasing.

The UK Edge: Craftsmanship and Tradition Can we just look at things objectively for a moment, English craftsmanship is top-notch. Also, with regards to motorbike parts, it's the same. The tender loving care and quality that goes into English-made parts are apparent in each piece. Numerous notorious motorbike brands have been established in the UK, those customs impact the parts you'll track down today. From Win to Norton, the UK has a tradition of building bicycles that individuals love. At the point when you purchase custom parts from English makers, you're taking advantage of that rich history while adding your remarkable contort.

Wrapping It Up Looking for parts of English traditions for your motorbike in the UK isn't just about getting a few new extras — it's tied in with making your motorbike your own. Whether you're after better execution, a cooler feel, or simply a more agreeable ride, UK-made parts offer top-quality answers for each rider.

#britishcustoms #motorbikeparts #ukmotorbikes #custommotorbikes #rideuk #motorbikeupgrades #bikemods #ukriders #bikelifestyle #customparts #motride #full face helmet #motorcycle helmet #modular helmets #motorbikelife #motorcycle accessories #autos #branded helmets #rideinstyle

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craft2eu · 4 years ago

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30MINIARTEXTIL: Como 2021

Miniartextil ist eine im italienischen Como beheimatete Institution und Ausstellung, hinter der seit 3 Dekaden die leidenschaftliche Zusammenarbeit von Nazzarena Bortolaso e Mimmo Totaro steckt, die alljährlich die Aufmerksamkeit für die Highlights der internationalen Textilkunst wecken möchten. Die Miniartextil wollte 2020 ihre ersten dreißig Jahre ununterbrochener Aktivität mit einer großen…

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#30MINIARTEXTIL #ARTE&ARTE Aps #Como #Künstler #kleines Format #Mimmo Totaro #Miniartextil #Minitextil #minitextile Kunstwerke #Nazzarena Bortolaso #textile Techniken #Textilkunst

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a-z0-9-i-n-gram-completionist · 11 months ago

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1: 0 1 2 4 8 9 a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z 32/36 (26/26) (6/10)

2: 08 11 18 19 41 42 84 90 ab ac ad ag ai aj ak al am an ap ar as at av aw ay ba bd be bi bl bo br bs bu by ca cc ce ch ci ck cl co cr cs ct cu cy da dd de df di dl dn do dr ds du dy ea eb ec ed ee ef eg eh ei el em en eo ep eq er es et ev ew ex ey fa fe fi fo fr ft fu ga ge gh gi gl go gr gs gt gy ha he hi hn ho hr ht hu hy ia ib ic id ie if ig il im in io ip ir is it iu iv iz jo ju ke ki kn ks ky la ld le lf li lk ll lm lo ls lu lv ly ma me mh mi mo mp ms mu my na nb nc nd ne nf ng nh ni nk nl nn no ns nt nu nv ny oa ob oc od oe of og oi ol om on oo op or os ot ou ow ox oy pa pe ph pi pl pm po pp pr ps pt pu qu ra rd re rg ri rk rl rm rn ro rp rr rs rt ru ry rz sa sc se sh si sk sm sn so sp sq ss st su sw sy ta te th ti tl to tr ts tt tu tw ty ua ub uc ud ue ug ui ul um un uo up ur us ut ve vi wa we wh wi wo wr xc xe xi xt xu yb yg yl ym yn yo yp ys yx ze zo 290/1296 (282/676) (8/100)

3: 184 190 842 908 abd abl aca acc aci ack acr acs act ade ads age ain ajo ake aki ale ali alk all alm alo als ame ami amp ana anc and ane ang ani ans ant anu any ape app ard are arg ark arl arm aro arr ars art ase ask ass ata ate ath ati ato att atu ave avi awa awr ayb bab bac bal bas bdo bea bed beh bel bet bey bio bis bit ble blo bly bod bon bou bow boy bra bre bst bul bur but cal can cav cce ccy cee cen cep che chi cia cie cin cks cky cle clo clu coc com con cos cre cri cru cti ctu cul cut cyx dar dda dea dee den deo dep der des dfi did die din dis dle dne doe dom don dor dul dur ead eak eal ear eat ebr eci ecr ect edd edi eed eei eem een efe egi egs ehi ein eir eit ela ele elf ell elo elv ely ema eme emo emp ems emu enb enc end eng enh eno ent env eos eou epo eps ept equ era ere eri erl erm ern err ers ert eru ery erz esc ese esn esp ess est eta ete eto etw ety eve evi ewh exc exe ext exu eyo fam far fat fem fer fes fib fie fif fin fir fis for fos fra fro fth fur fus gap gel gem ges ght gic gif gio gir gla glu gol gon gou gre gro gth gys han hap hat hav hea hei hem hen her hes hey hic hig him hin hip hir his hit hiu hna hol hot hou hro hum hus hym ial iar ibe ibi ibu ica ice ich ick icu ide idf ied ien ier ies iet ife ifi ift igh ila ili ill ima imi ims ina inc ind ine inf ing ink ins int inu iny iof ion ior iou ips ird irs isc ise ish iso isp iss ist ite ith iti its itt ity ium ive ize joi jor jus jut ked kel kes kin kiv kne kno ksc lan lar lat lde leg len les let lex lia lie lif lis lit lli llo lls lly lmo loa log lon loo lop lou low lso lue lun lus lvi lym lyp mag maj mak mal man mar mas mat may mel men mer met mew mil min mit moo mor mos mou mph mpl mpr mse mur mus myg nac nad nal nat nbo nce ncl nde ndi ndn ndo nds ndu nec nee nei neo nes nex nfr nge ngs ngt ngy nhn nim nky nly nne nop nor nos not now nox nse nsi nst nsw nta nte nti ntl nto ntr nts ntu nuo nus nve oac oat oba occ oce oci odi ody oes ofi oft ogi ogo ogs oin old ole olo oma ome omi omp omy ona ond one onl onn ons ont ool oos oot ope ops opt ora org ori orm ors ose osi oss ost osu ota ote oth oti oto oug oun oup ous out owe owi oxi oyl par pat pea pec ped pel per pho pic pin ple pli pmh poi pos ppa ppe ppo pre pri pro pte pti pub qua que qui rac rai ral ran rap rat raw rdl rea rec red ref reg rel rem ren res ret rev rge ria rib rig rin rio ris rit rki rks rly rma rmi rmo rms rns roa rob roc rog rom rop ros rou row rpr rra rro rru rsa rse rsi rst rte rth rti rto rts ruc rum rus sac sal sam sav say sch sci scl scr scu sec sed see sel seq ses sha she sid sim sio sis sit siv siz ske ski sma smo soc sof som sop sor spe spi spo squ sso ssu sta ste sti stl sto sts stu sty sua sub suc sue sup sur sus swe syn tai tak tal tan tar tat tea teb ted ten ter tes tha the thi tho thr thu thy tib tic tid tin tio tip tis tiv tle tly tom ton too tot tre tri tsi tte ttl tty tua tud tur tus twe two tyl typ ual uar uat ubi ubs uch uco udi uea uen ues ugh uit ula ume und ung unt unu uou upp ups ure uri urn uro urp urr urs urt usc use usi ust usu uta ute uts vel ver vic vid vil vit war wee wel wer wha whe whi who why win wit xcl xem xio xte xtr xus ybe ygo yle ylo yme ymp ymu yno yon you ypi ypm yst zoo 802/46656 (798/17576) (4/1000)

4: 1842 1908 abdo able ably acce acin acru acti actu adep ages ainf ajor akes akin alis allo alls ally almo alog also amil ampl anal anat ance ands andu aneo ange anim answ ants anus aped appa appe area aren arge arki arks arly arms arou arra arsa arte arti arts ased aske atar ated ater athe atid atio ativ atom atte atty atur avit awar aybe babl back ball base bdom bear bedd behi belo betw beyo biof bitt blog bodi body bone boun boyl brat brev bsta bula burr bute call cavi ccen ccyx ceed cent ceps cept cher chiu cial cien ciet cing cles cloa clus cocc comp conn cons cont cosu cret crib crum ctio ctua ctus cula cuta dard ddar deal deed denb denc deos depo dept desc dfis died dies diet ding disp dnes does dome domi dors dula duri eaki eall ears eart ebra ecia ecre ecti ectu edda edin edis eedi eein eems efer egio ehin eing eith elat elet elop elow elvi emal emel emen emor empl emur enbo ence endi ends engt engy enhn enop enor enti entl entu enve eous epos epti eque eral eran ered eres erio erly ermi erru erse ersi erte erti erto erus escr espe esti esty etal etat eton etwe ever evic evid ewha excl exem exte extr exus eyon fami fatt fema femo femu fest fibu fied fift find firs fish form foss frac frog from furt fuse gely geme gest gica gion gird glan glue gold gona gous grea grou gyst hape have head hear heir here hert herz hese hich high hims hind hing hips hird hite hium hnac hole hoto houg hroa hume hyme hymu iall ibed ibio ibul ibut ical icep icks icky icul idea iden ideo ides idfi ienc iety ifes ifie ifth ight ilar ilia illi imag imal imil imse inal incl inde infr ings inky inse insi inst inte into ints inuo iofi ions ious irdl irst isch ishe isop ispo issu ists ites ithe itio ittl itty ivel join jori just juts kele king kink kive knee know ksch land larg larl late lati latu lden legs leng leta leto lexu liar lier life lifi litt llie llow lmos loac logi logo lond loos lope lops lowe lowi lung lusi lvic lymp lypm mage majo make male mall many mark mass mati mayb mely meno ment meru meta mewh mila mili mina mite moot mora most moun mous mple mpli mpri msel murs musc must mygo naci nads nali nalo nato nboy nclu ndee nder ndin ndne ndon ndul nect neit neou ness next nfro ngem ngth ngys nhna nima nnec nopt norm nost note noxi nsec nseq nsid nsis nste nswe ntai nter ntin ntio ntly ntri ntua nuou nusu nvel oaca obab occy ocee ocie odie oesn ofib ogic ogou oint olde olog omat omen omew omin ompr onad ondo only onne onse onsi onta onti ontr oolo oose ooth oped oper opte oral oria orit orma ormo orsa oses osit osso oste osto osty osus otal oted othe otic ough ound ount oups outs ower owin oxio oylo pare part patt pear peci pelv perl phot pica pine plex plif poin pose posi post ppar ppea ppos pred pris prob proc prop pter ptid pubi quar quea quen ques quit ract rain rang rans rapp rate rath rawr rdle real reat rect redi refe regi rela reme rent rest rete reve revi rgel rges rial ribe ribu righ ring rior rise rity rkiv rksc rmat rmit rmou roat roba roce rogs rope rost roun roup rowe rpri rran rrou rrow rruc rsal rsed rsio rstl rteb rter rthe rtic rton ruco sacr sacs sals same save sche schi scie scle scri scul secr sect seei seem self sequ shap shes side sidf simi sion sist siti sits sive size sked skel skin smal smoo soci soft some sopt sori spec spin spos sque ssor ssue stan stea ster stic stin stio stly stom stot stud styl sual subs such supp surp surr swer syno tain take talk tanc tane tars tata tead tebr tend tera tere teri term tern than that thei them ther thes they thig thin thir this thou thro thus thym tibi tica tick ticu ting tinu tiny tion tips tiss tive toma tomy tons tota toti trem trib tsid tter ttle tual tuat tudi ture turn twee tyle typi uall uart uate ubis ubst ucos udie ueak uenc uest uite ular ulat umer unde undi undn ungs unus uous uppo urin urns uros urpr urro urth uscl uscu used usio usiv usua utan utsi velo vely verr vers vert very vice vide vill vity ware ween well were wers what when whic whit whol wing with xclu xemp xiou xten xtre ygol ylou ymen ymph ymus ynos

yond ypic ypmh ysto zool 815/1679616 (813/456976) (2/10000)

5: abdom accen acing acrum actio actua adept ainfr ajori aking allow almos alogo amili ample analo anato andul aneou angem anima answe appar appea arent argel arges arkiv arksc aroun arran arsal arter artic asked atars atera ather ation ative atomy atter ature avity aware bably balls based bdome bdomi bedda behin below betwe beyon biofi bitty bodie bound boylo brate brevi bstan burro cally cavit ccent ceedi centu cepti cherz chium ciall cienc ciety cloac clusi coccy compr conne conse consi conta conti contr cosus crete cribe ction ctual cular culat cutan ddard denbo dence depos descr dfish dings dispo dness doesn domen domin dorsa dular durin eakin eally earts ebrat ecial ecret ectio ectus eddar eding edisp eedin eeing egion ehind eithe elati eleta eleto elope elops elvic emale emely ement emora empli emurs enboy endin ength engys enhna enopt enorm entio ently entua envel eposi eptid equen erans erest erior ermit erruc ersed ersio erteb ertic erton escri espec estin estio estyl etata etons etwee evers evice evide ewhat exclu exemp exten extre eyond famil fatty femal femor femur festy fibul fifth first fishe forma fosso fract frogs furth fused gemen gical girdl gland golde gonad great group gysto haped heart herto himse hnaci hough hroat humer hymen hymus ially ibiof ibula ibute icall iceps icept icula ideal idenc ideos idfis ience ifest ified ilarl iliar illie image imila imsel inali inclu indee infro insec insid inste inter inuou iofib irdle irstl ischi ishes isopt ispos issue ither ition ittle ively joint jorit kelet kinky ksche lands landu large larly later lativ latur ldenb lengt letal leton lexus lifes lifie littl llier llowi lmost loaca logic logou londo loose loped lower lowin lungs lusio lusiv lymph lypmh mages major makes marks matid matio maybe menop menti merus metat mewha milar milia minal mites mooth moral mount mplex mplif mpris mself muscl muscu mygol nacin nalis nalog natom nboyl nclus ndeed nding ndnes ndula necti neith neous nfrog ngeme ngyst nhnac nimal nnect nopte normo nosto noted noxio nsect nsequ nside nsist nstea nswer ntain ntere ntinu ntion ntrib ntuat nuous nusua nvelo obabl occyx oceed ociet odies ofibu ogica ogous oints olden ologi omati omewh omina ompri onads ondon onnec onseq onsis ontai ontin ontri oolog operl opter orial ority ormat ormou orsal ositi osits ossor oster ostot ostyl other otica ounde oundi oundn outsi owers owing oxiou oylou paren parti patte pears pecia pelvi perly photo pical plexu plifi point poses posit poste ppare ppear ppose predi prise proba proce prope ptera pubis quart queak quenc quest quite racti rainf range rathe reall rectu redis refer regio relat remel rentl resti rever revic rgely rgest ribed ribut right rkive rksch rmati rmite rmous robab rocee roper rosty round roups rower rpris rrang rroun rrowe rruco rsals rsion rstly rtebr rther rtica rticu rucos sacru scher schiu scien scles scrib scula secre seein seems seque shape sides sidfi simil sists sitio sivel skele small smoot socie somew sopte soria speci spine spose squea ssori stanc stead steri stick sting stion stoma stoti studi style suall subst suppo surpr surro swere synos tance taneo tarsa tatar tebra tendi tends teral teran teres terio termi their there thert these thigh thing third thoug throa thymu tibio tical ticks ticky ticul tinuo tions tissu tomat total totic treme tribu tside ttern tuall tuate tudie turns tween typic ually uarte uated ubsta ucosu udied ueaki uence uesti ularl ulatu umeru under undin undne unusu uppos uring urost urpri urrou urrow urthe uscle uscul usion usive usual utane utsid velop verru verse versi verte verti vicep viden video villi wered which white whole xclus xempl xious xtend xtrem ygold ymeno ynost ypica ystom zoolo 622/60466176 (622/11881376)

6: abdome abdomi accent action actual ainfro ajorit allowi almost alogou amilia amplex analog anatom andula aneous angeme animal answer appare appear arentl argely argest arkive arksch around arrang arsals articu atarsa ateral athert ations attern bdomen bdomin beddar behind betwee beyond biofib bodies boylou brevic bstanc burrow cavity ccentu ceedin centua ceptid cially cience cloaca clusio clusiv coccyx compri connec conseq consis contai contin contri cribed ctions ctuall cularl culatu cutane denboy deposi descri dfishe dispos domina dorsal during eaking ebrate eciall ecrete ection eddard edings edispo eeding either elativ eletal eleton eloped emoral emplif enboyl ending engyst enhnac enopte enormo ention entuat envelo eposit equenc eresti ermite erruco ersion ertebr ertica escrib especi esting estion estyle etatar etween everse evicep eviden exclus exempl extend extrem famili female femora femurs festyl fibula firstl fishes format fossor fracti furthe gement girdle glands glandu golden gonads groups gystom hearts herton himsel hnacin humeru hymeno ibiofi ically icepti icular idence idfish ifesty ilarly illier images imilar imself inalis inclus indeed infrog insect inside instea intere inuous iofibu irstly ischiu isopte ispose jority keleta keleto kscher landul largel larges latera lative lature ldenbo length letons lifest lified little llowin logica logous london lowing lusion lusive majori marksc mation menopt mentio metata mewhat milarl miliar minali mplexu mplifi mprise muscle muscul mygold nacing nalogo natomy nboylo nclusi ndness ndular nectio neithe nfrogs ngemen ngysto nhnaci nnecti nopter normou nostot noxiou nseque nsists nstead nswere nteres ntinuo ntribu ntuate nusual nvelop obably oceedi ociety ofibul ogical oldenb ologic omatid omewha ominal ompris onnect onsequ onsist ontain ontinu ontrib oologi operly optera ormati ormous ositio ossori osteri ostoti ostyle otical ounder oundin oundne outsid oxious parent partic patter pecial pelvic plexus plifie points positi posits poster pparen ppears predis probab procee proper pteran quarte queaki quence questi ractio rainfr rangem rather really rectus redisp region relati remely rently restin revers revice ribute rksche rmatio rmites robabl roceed roperl rostyl rounde roundi roundn rowers rprise rrange rround rrower rrucos rtebra rtical rticul rucosu sacrum scherz schium scienc scribe scular sculat secret seeing sequen shaped sidfis simila sition sively skelet smooth societ somewh sopter sorial specia sposes squeak ssoria stance sterio sticks sticky stomat stotic studie sually substa suppos surpri surrou swered synost taneou tarsal tatars tebrat tendin terans terest terior termit therto though throat thymus tibiof ticall ticula tinuou tissue tomati totica tremel tribut tually tuated tudied typica uarter ubstan ucosus ueakin uestio ularly ulatur umerus unding undnes unusua uppose urosty urpris urroun urrowe urther uscles uscula usivel usuall utaneo utside velope velops verruc versed versio verteb vertic viceps vicept videnc videos villie xclusi xempli xtendi xtends xtreme ygolde ymenop ynosto ypical ystoma zoolog 446/2176782336 (446/308915776)

7: abdomen abdomin accentu actuall ainfrog ajority allowin alogous amiliar amplexu analogo anatomy andular angemen answere apparen appears arently arksche arrange articul atarsal atherto bdomina beddard between biofibu brevice bstance burrowe ccentua ceeding centuat clusion clusive compris connect consequ consist contain continu contrib ctually cularly culatur cutaneo denboyl deposit describ dfishes dispose dominal ecially ections edispos eedings elative eletons emplifi enboylo engysto enhnaci enopter enormou entuate envelop eposits equence erestin ermites errucos ertebra ertical escribe especia etatars eversed eviceps evicept evidenc exclusi exempli extendi extends extreme familia femoral festyle firstly formati fossori fractio further glandul goldenb gystoma himself hnacing humerus hymenop ibiofib iceptid icularl idfishe ifestyl imilarl inclusi infrogs instead interes iofibul ischium isopter isposes keletal keleton kscherz landula largely largest lateral ldenboy lifesty llowing logical lusivel majorit marksch mations menopte mention metatar milarly minalis mplexus mplifie muscles muscula mygolde nalogou nboylou nclusio nection neither ngement ngystom nhnacin nnectio noptera normous nostoti noxious nsequen nswered nterest ntinuou ntribut ntuated nusuall nvelope nvelops oceedin ofibula oldenbo ologica omewhat ominali omprise onnecti onseque onsists ontinuo ontribu oologic opteran ormatio osition ossoria osterio ostotic oticall ounding oundnes outside parentl particu pattern peciall plified positio posteri pparent predisp probabl proceed properl pterans quarter queakin questio raction rainfro rangeme redispo relativ resting reverse revicep rkscher rmation robably roceedi roperly rostyle rounder roundin roundne rrangem rroundi rrowers rrucosu rtebrat rticula rucosus science scribed sculatu secrete sequenc sidfish similar skeleta skeleto society somewha soptera special squeaki ssorial sterior stomati stotica studied substan suppose surpris surroun synosto taneous tarsals tatarsa tebrate tending teresti termite therton tibiofi tically ticular tinuous tomatid totical tremely tribute typical ubstanc ueaking uestion ulature undness unusual urostyl urprise urround urrower uscular usculat usively usually utaneou veloped verruco version vertebr vertica vicepti vidence villier xclusiv xemplif xtendin xtremel ygolden ymenopt ynostot ystomat zoologi 297/78364164096 (297/8031810176)

8: abdomina accentua actually ainfrogs allowing amplexus analogou angement answered apparent arkscher arrangem articula atarsals atherton bdominal biofibul brevicep burrower ccentuat ceedings centuate clusivel comprise connecti conseque consists continuo contribu culature cutaneou denboylo deposits describe disposes dominali edispose emplifie enboylou engystom enhnacin enoptera enormous entuated envelope envelops eresting errucosu ertebrat escribed especial etatarsa evicepti evidence exclusiv exemplif extendin extremel familiar formatio fossoria fraction glandula goldenbo gystomat hymenopt ibiofibu icularly idfishes ifestyle imilarly inclusio interest iofibula isoptera keletons landular ldenboyl lifestyl lusively majority marksche menopter metatars mplified muscular musculat mygolden nalogous nclusion nections ngystoma nhnacing nnection nopteran nostotic nsequenc nteresti ntinuous ntribute nusually nveloped oceeding oldenboy ological ominalis onnectio onsequen ontinuou ontribut oologica opterans ormation ossorial osterior ostotica otically oundness parently particul pecially position posterio pparentl predispo probably proceedi properly queaking question rainfrog rangemen redispos relative reversed reviceps revicept rkscherz rmations roceedin rounding roundnes rrangeme rroundin rrucosus rtebrate rticular sculatur sequence sidfishe similarl skeletal skeleton somewhat sopteran speciall squeakin stomatid stotical substanc surprise surround synostot tatarsal terestin termites tibiofib ticularl toticall ubstance unusuall urostyle urroundi urrowers usculatu utaneous verrucos vertebra vertical viceptid xclusive xemplifi xtending xtremely ygoldenb ymenopte ynostoti ystomati zoologic 189/2821109907456 (189/208827064576)

9: abdominal accentuat analogous apparentl arkscherz arrangeme articular bdominali biofibula breviceps brevicept burrowers ccentuate centuated clusively connectio consequen continuou contribut cutaneous denboylou described dominalis edisposes emplified engystoma enhnacing enopteran enveloped errucosus ertebrate especiall etatarsal eviceptid exclusive exemplifi extending extremely formation fossorial glandular goldenboy gystomati hymenopte ibiofibul inclusion interesti isopteran ldenboylo lifestyle markscher menoptera metatarsa musculatu mygoldenb ngystomat nnections nopterans nostotica nsequence nterestin oceedings oldenboyl onnection onsequenc ontinuous ontribute oological ormations ostotical particula posterior pparently predispos proceedin rainfrogs rangement redispose revicepti roceeding roundness rrangemen rrounding rticularl sculature sidfishes similarly skeletons sopterans specially squeaking stoticall substance surroundi synostoti tatarsals teresting tibiofibu ticularly totically unusually urroundin usculatur verrucosu vertebrat xclusivel xemplifie ygoldenbo ymenopter ynostotic ystomatid zoologica 112/101559956668416 (112/5429503678976)

10: abdominali accentuate apparently arrangemen articularl bdominalis brevicepti ccentuated connection consequenc continuous contribute engystomat enopterans especially etatarsals exclusivel exemplifie formations goldenboyl gystomatid hymenopter ibiofibula interestin isopterans ldenboylou markscherz menopteran metatarsal musculatur mygoldenbo ngystomati nostotical nteresting oldenboylo onnections onsequence ostoticall particular predispose proceeding redisposes reviceptid roceedings rrangement rticularly stotically surroundin synostotic tibiofibul urrounding usculature verrucosus vertebrate xclusively xemplified ygoldenboy ymenoptera ynostotica zoological 60/3656158440062976 (60/141167095653376)

11: abdominalis accentuated arrangement articularly breviceptid connections consequence engystomati exclusively exemplified goldenboylo hymenoptera interesting menopterans metatarsals musculature mygoldenboy ngystomatid nostoticall oldenboylou ostotically particularl predisposes proceedings surrounding synostotica tibiofibula ygoldenboyl ymenopteran ynostotical 30/131621703842267136 (30/3670344486987776)

12: engystomatid goldenboylou hymenopteran mygoldenboyl nostotically particularly synostotical ygoldenboylo ymenopterans ynostoticall 10/4738381338321616896 (10/95428956661682176)

13: hymenopterans mygoldenboylo synostoticall ygoldenboylou ynostotically 5/170581728179578208256 (5/2481152873203736576)

14: mygoldenboylou synostotically 2/6140942214464815497216 (2/64509974703297150976)

Why are rain frogs so round? What's /inside/ of them around such an itty bitty skeleton?

So it turns out this is a really interesting question.

The first thing we must be aware of is that rainfrogs as we see them in videos of them squeaking are not quite the same shape as they are when at rest:

[x]

But you are quite right, they are very round. This is exemplified by the skeletal photo you refer to:

[X]

So what are we seeing?

Well, firstly, note that the body cavity in these frogs actually envelops the femurs, such that only the tibiofibula (fused in frogs) and the tarsals and metatarsals are outside the body. The arms are quite similarly enveloped, but a bit of the humerus does extend outside the body cavity too. This predisposes them to a rounder body shape.

Next, note the ilia - the U-shaped bone in the pelvic region. These in some breviceptid frogs are synostotically fused with the sacrum - that is to say, they are bound by bone-based connections to the bow-shaped vertebra at their tips. This whole joint seems to be quite smooth, and as a consequence, the back of the frog is quite smooth. The other thing we can see here is that the urostyle (i.e. the frog version of a coccyx) juts quite far beyond the ischium and pubis. This extends the body cavity beyond the hips. Note also that the pelvic girdle seems to be largely below the spine, rather than the typical position for frogs behind it and continuous with it. This makes the legs sit below the spine, rather than at its end, enhnacing the vertical roundness of the animal.

Next, let’s talk some soft tissue. Now, I’m not as familiar with soft-tissue in frogs as I am their skeletons, so you’ll have to bear with me a bit (rawr). Beddard (1908!!) studied the soft tissue of Breviceps verrucosus Rapp 1842. It seems that the majority of the body of these frogs is actually muscle. Beddard noted that muscles join the leg at the knee that extend into the body cavity, such that the inclusion of the thigh in the body cavity is further accentuated by musculature. The rectus abdominalis muscle is unusually large, extending from the lower abdomen up and around the sides of the body. Indeed, this large size appears to be the pattern with all of the major muscles, though in the throat the typical arrangement of large and small muscles is somewhat reversed. On the lateral side of the head, there is a substance that is not muscle, but appears to be loose tissue in which sits what is apparently the thymus gland.

There is a very large gap between the end of the urostyle and the anus (one fifth of the total length of the frog), in which there are almost no muscles, save for the one surrounding the lower cloaca. On either side of this area, between the posterior-most muscles of the thigh, lie two large ‘lymph-hearts’, as described by Beddard. These are between one quarter and one third of the total length of the frog. A further lypmh-sac sits between these lymph-hearts and the skin of the femoral region, and they are thus probably analogous to the femoral lymph-sacs of other frogs.

I find it interesting that Beddard (1908) did not mention any glandular formations in the dorsal region. As is evidence from many images (see below), these frogs are able to secrete a white, sticky, noxious substance from their skin (which they actually have to use during amplexus, as the male is too small relative to the female to mount her properly, and so he sticks himself to her with his glandular glue… kinky).

[x]

These glands do not apparently take up a great deal of the cutaneous tissue, and so I suppose are of no consequence to the size of the frog, especially relative to its enormous muscles.

The diet of these frogs consists almost exclusively of hymenopterans and isopterans (ants and termites). Neither of these insect groups are particularly fatty, so it is little surprise that their bodies appear to contain no large fat deposits - fatty bodies extend from the gonads up to the lungs and heart, but these comprise only a tiny fraction of the frog’s mass, and don’t contribute to the round shape. Instead, their bodies are extremely muscular, allowing them to be adept burrowers, ideal for their fossorial lifestyle.

So TL;DR: rain frogs are little balls of muscle (maybe the largest muscle mass relative to body mass of any vertebrate? science just doesn’t know).

Ref:

Beddard, F.E. 1908. On the Musculature and other Points in the Anatomy of the Engystomatid Frog, Breviceps verrucosus. Proceedings of the Zoological Society of London, 1908:11-41 [x]

#max: 14

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strawberri-draws · 3 years ago

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OKAY YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I WANNA MAKE AN OC FOR YOUR DRV3 AU, SO CAN YOU TELL US MORE ABOUT THE CIRCUMSTANCES? (SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS, THIS HAS GOT ME HYPED UP AND IDK WHY)

Yeah, ofc! I've been pretty busy lately so I haven't had much time to work on it, but essentially all you need to know is stuff like

- drv3's killing game takes place around ten years after the sdr2's casts first year of school, so like kokichi (for example) is around 5 years old when Hajime and the sdr2 cast first goes to hopes peak and 15 when he is ~taken~

- around 5 years after the sdr2 cast thing (basically the beginning) is when the tragedy (finally) starts to cool down, after the future foundation killing game. In this period, future foundation is still mainly a force for good/recovery, but corruption (and despair) still has its root's pretty deep in the ff and in society itself. (Japan, especially hopes peak area, is where the tragedy hit the hardest. The rest of the world felt it, but it wasn't quite as extreme.)

- So in towa city, we have DICE, which is Kokichi, Maki, Miu, Keebo, Gonta, Himiko, and Ryoma. Maki, Himiko, and Kokichi were part of the brainwashed Monokuma kids, and the others were kinda surprise adopted/begrudginly bonded lmao. Basically the situation in Towa is that life has started to kinda pick up again, but things are still very tense between adults/children. Komaru and Toko (plus the Warriors of hope who are kinda redeeming themselves or at least trying). DICE operates mainly as a secret gang that either A) plays stupid, obnoxious pranks to keep spirits up and have fun and B) is a general nuisance to Corrupted, despair people, specifically the future foundation members that keep trying to start shit in Towa. They begrudgingly work with komaru and toko sometimes but hold grudges against the WOH lol.

- for the Monokuma kids specifically - junko had the WOH kinda slowly infiltrate/kidnap the all the kids, more targeting like orphans and people who wouldn't be as noticed at first, slowly brainwashing until they had most of the kids in the city. Monokuma kids are aware the whole time, and while they can kind of fight, the specific brainwashing used kinda made them like, not realize anything was wrong? so. Eventually Miu and Keebo help out and create tech to unbrainwash kids without exploding their heads, and when the WOH fail the Monokuma kids are left kinda directionless? So they goof around and commit crimes and make gangs basically until they are freed. But they see everything as a game, which is very problematic depending on how badly the kid wants to win. (Speaking of them, there were a few given specialized roles, like Maki as a "Ninja" or something aka assassin fighters. Don't ask why Monaca thought it'd be sick and everyone else was like "yeah sure".)

- The rest of the cast is kinda more spread out, but generally Kaito, Shuichi, Kaede, and Maki are a squad that travel and solve mysteries/crimes, Tenko appears in towa a lot as a contract fighter for Future Foundation, Kirumi is like Byakuya's adopted niece and unofficial secretary, Ranter used to work at ff but eventually kinda settles with Korekiyo and Angie on Angie's island for a bit until DRV2, and tsumugi is uh,,,, having a time :) again drv3's pregame plots kinda span over ten years so there's a lot lol.

- yeah I have a lot more ideas/worldbuilding to do for this au but I hope this kinda helped? im planning on drawing more stuff for it soon so look forward to that I guess :D sorry my thoughts are very scattered about it rn lol

#strawberridraws #danganronpa #drv3 #ask #sorry this is late ive been s w amped lately lol #ap tests are coming up + rehearsals have been getting longer in a show im in lolol #plus im trying to cram for my ap art portfolio so thats been. fun #hope this helped a bit I guess :"D

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thejoyofviolentmovement · 3 years ago

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Live Footage: Luke James with Nu Deco Ensemble, Samoht and Sensei Bueno Perform a Gorgeous Re-Imagining of "shine on"

Live Footage: Luke James with Nu Deco Ensemble, Samoht and Sensei Bueno Perform a Gorgeous Re-Imagining of "shine on" @whoisLukejames @NuDecoEnsemble @sensei_bueno @ArshtCenter @seeshannon @shorefire

Luke James (born Luke James Boyd) is a New Orleans-born singer/songwriter and actor, whose musical career started in earnest as a background vocalist for Tyrese, along with a classmate Quentin Spears. While with Tyrese, James and Spears met acclaimed production outfit The Underdogs, who worked with and mentored the duo, who performed, wrote and recorded as Luke & Q. Through his connection with…

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humanpersonface · 1 year ago

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NO nonono. It's even funnier than that. Bc I could be corrected here but from my art history knowledge "grotesque" DOES come from "grotto" but SPECIFICALLY a style of art that became very popular in the Renaissance in the 16th century. Because some ancient Roman vacation palace was discovered underground-- if I remember correctly some kid in the Italian countryside fell into a hole and when they got him out he was like "there's some mad crazy shit down here" so they had a fun little Renaissance archeology dig. They called this palace a "grotto" because it was underground and cave-like.

What was important about this grotto was that because it was underground the frescoes on the walls were suuuuper well preserved. At this point most examples of ancient Roman architecture didn't have any frescoes still on it because weather and exposure had wiped it away. (Remember Pompeii wasn't really dug up yet) and the Italian Renaissance was all about the rebirth of Acient Rome so these bitches went FERAL over this discovery. They were so fucking amped about getting examples of Ancient Roman decorative styles that they had previously had no way of knowing about. The main decorative style evident?

This. These types of semi symmetrical, arabesque decorative motifs often featuring hybrid creatures of plant, animal and humans. Renaissance artists went ape shit for this and it started showing up EVERYWHERE. It was called "grotteschi" (meaning, as you pointed out in your initial post-- "grotto- esque" or "from the grotto") see below

Here's some in the Vatican painted by Raphael in the loggia of Pope Leo X.

Here's the dealio, though, you may notice that the grotesque borders here don't have as much hybrid figures. That's because the Church had a complicated relationship with grotesque art. Because yes it was Ancient Roman and they liked that but also a lot of the hybrid forms and monsters evoked the pagan roots of Rome and they did not like that. So churches had some weird hangups and rules about using it. For real I won't get into it any further because I literally wrote a paper about Raphael's use of grotesque/hybridity in this loggia and the Stanza Della Signatura as symbolizing Christianity purifying the dangers of paganism. I won't get into it. But it's real fun.

ANYHOW partially because of this pagan association and partially because of the literal hybrid creatures in the artwork, "grotesque" art became associated with fantastical and specifically monstrous forms. It started being applied to stuff that wasn't strictly speaking actual grotesque style art-- for instance gargoyles-- particularly as the decorative form spread outside of Italy and up north.

With all of this, some scholars who were pro the "elegant" Renaissance style of the south started using "grotesque" actually as a negative to describe the northern Gothic cathedrals that they didn't like largely due to things like gargoyles and such.

So I'm sure I'm butchering parts of it by writing this all on the fly from memory and I'm sure I simplified it a lot, but that's why "grotesque" came to mean "ugly or monstrous"!

So babygirl you look like a funky lil pagan plant bird monster with ya tiddies out.

PS-- one if the neatest tidbits I remember reading about grotesque was that when Christian missions in South America started making indigenous ppl build/pray in churches, sometimes the indigenous ppl would use the borderline "acceptable" decorative style of grotesque to hide imagery of their own religion/stories/dieties in the figures. That way they could continue praying to their own religion under the pos missionaries' noses.

fascinated by the etymology of the word "grotesque" because the "-esque" suffix implies that it means "like grot" or "resembling grot" which sure is something

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botwstoriesandsuch · 4 years ago

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[Image ID: A screenshot of an anon asking saying “I just wanna say that your tags whenever you rb art and fics are so cute 🥺 you reblogged something of mine the other day and the tags were just so nice and innocent??? It’s like watching a little kid at an aquarium 😝so as an artist I thank you, hope you don’t take it as cringy” End ID]

- - - - -

Cringey?? nonononono I may be a young kid watching the pretty fish swim aimlessly in the aquarium but I will

recklessly enjoy other people’s content don’t test me

I try to keep it in the tags cause I don’t wanna take away from the op’s original work, plus it makes it easier for other people to rb it from me, but I will amp up the love and appreciation when the situation calls for it. You could straight up come into my inbox or messages and just ask me to give you a reblog and I will do it, I do not care I love you, content creators.

Cringe Culture is dead it’s time to gush plus if I do this often enough people might do it more for me so it’s a win win hehe

Legit, I got a super sweet comment on one of my fics quoting something I wrote and it made me so happy so I was like “huh, guess I’ll do that more often then” and now I’m doing that, that’s how impressionable I am asdfghjk

Also hello?? specifically *my* tags helped you out?? I am a nobody, CLEARLY not enough people are doing this smh, allow me to teach the masses for a sec here

How To Make A Content Creator Happy: the world’s simplest guide to spreading serotonin through a keyboard

Step fucking one) You reblog it. I mean, that’s a given. You’ve all seen those “reblogs help creators out and likes do nothing” posts so I won’t rant too much. Likes are good, but reblogs are like handing someone a stack of a hundred dollars and all it takes is one click!

(PRO TIP: Hold down the button and swipe for mobile, and hold the left alt button and click once for computer [though it will only rb to your main blog. if you want it for a side-blog then you’re stuck with two clicks but HEY two clicks to help out a creator you like is nothing!])

You share it! Just share stuff. Share the ao3 like, please do it. Don’t repost, don’t just mention it, give the links especially when you’re just in conversation or talking about it around plz I swear it does wonders

Ok moving on to the super simple stuff for commenting and putting stuff in the tags because I guarantee that the op will read them

write A N Y T H I N G and I literally mean anything just fucking:

!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sdjflksdjfkjh

?!?!?!?!!?

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhghghhhhhhhhh

:OOOOOOOOO

prettyyy

<33333333333333333

just fucking go ham, go nuts, it doesn’t need to be coherent it just needs to EXIST the very existence of someone enjoying someone’s content gives so much serotonin so stop being silent cowards and give us a smiley face from time to time

uh what else what else....hmm [golden rule is treat others the way you want to be treated, so if you’re a creator yourself, just give whatever you would want seen in the comments of your stuff! I mean that’s how I came up with all this...]

Point out the details! I mentioned earlier about quoting stuff from fics (that stuff is just 👌👌👌 so delicious) but I’m pretty sure (I’m not an artist myself don’t quote me) that the exact same effect is present when you talk about details in art or something. So talk about that pretty snowflake in the background! Or that piece of dialogue that made you laugh. Just a simple nod to the details is a big difference between saying “I like this” versus “I like this thing that you took the time to make the effort you put into the details did not go unnoticed”

just ALL the feedback please and thank you

this might vary from person to person, though personally I love when people are like “The way you write imagery is so good please do more!!” so just give a little nod to someone like “The way you draw this character is amazing please do more” or something like that

I wouldn’t go as far as to give criticism (although personally I’m the type of person that loves the occasionally critique for future reference, cause it means that you care as much as I do about the quality of my work)

But along the same lines as the details thing, a nice nod to a creator about what they’re doing right is sooooo good! makes the butterflies flutter

~~~~~~Did that post give you emotions?~~~~~~

G O O D

~~FUCKING TELL US~~

THE ACT OF SOMEONE WRITING A SET OF LETTERS, OR SOMEONE SKETCHING A BLOB MADE ANOTHER DISTANT HUMAN BEING DEVELOP CHEMICALS IN THEIR BRAIN?? SURE WOULD LOVE TO KNOW THAT BECAUSE WOW THAT’S AMAZING!?!??

just go “I’m so happy” or “I’m so sad” just “TT__TT” just fucking “:OO” or just “I hate this” [HUMOURISTICALLY] and “I can’t believe you’ve done” just give it yes tell us the emotion that you have felt we love it

I don’t think enough people understand how amazing that is???? You were once in a normal, neutral state, and then a piece of content that I created just made you smile or laugh or cry like WHAT that’s amazing omg

Ok so that’s pretty much the simple stuff right, that’s your elementary classwork right there

Just give something, literally anything and just go “I love this so much!!!!!” bam done, you just murdered the op with your love, great job

So yeah, that’s that. Pretty simple stuff, no?

...but you wanna graduate to master class?

You wanna fucking go ape shit

you wanna just

g o t o town?

I said this was gonna be a simple guide so don’t worry, I’m not gonna tell you that you have to write a full length essay on every post that you come across

[BUT IF YOU WANT TO DON’T LET ME STOP YOU THAT WOULD ACTUALLY BE AMAZING?? HELL WRITING OUT A PARAGRAPH OF A COMMENT IS ALREADY JUST *CHEFS KISS* MASTERCLASS OF MURDERING THE OP WITH LOVE JUST ANALYZING THE SHIT OUT OF THE COLORS AND SHADING AND FRAMING OR JUST POINTING OUT THE THEMES AND SUBTEXT AND CHARACTERIZATION --part of the reason I love betaing stuff so much because I can analyze shit and shower it with premature love while also helping fics to be even better than they were originally ugh so cleansing for my literature heart-- SO YEAH GIVE CREATORS A PARAGRAPH, DARE I DREAM OF PARAGRAPHS, BECAUSE WOW YES PLEASE YES]

...ahem anyway

the way to graduate from good to great as a receiver of content is

to do all this

any of this

any of this simple stupid amazing shit

and just

put it in an ask or message

that’s literally it

Let me tell you why that’s so amazing, it pumps up the already amazing dopamine dosage of these actions alone, and multiplies it by a hundred, let me tell you why

Let’s say you read a drabble. You loved it, you reblogged it, you gave it hearts and emojis and ranted for a few tags about how it made you drop your muffin on the ground. Fantastic work, you just made the op pass out.

Then you go about your day and that’s the end of that.

BUT

if you do all that

and then put it in an ASK

dare you even a direct message?? (probably not most of us on here are cowards I get that)

but an ASK, anon or otherwise?

The message you just sent to the op was “I interacted with the post you made, and I loved it so much that I went the extra mile of going to your blog to make extra extra sure you understand how much I liked your thing”

There’s a wordless wall with every post! You like and reblog the thing and move on with your day.

But the fact that YOU sent a HEART a SINGLE sentence about how you liked a thing? the fact that you BREACHED that wall and just fucking keyboard smashed in the inbox? the fact that you did that is the most amazing thing in the world

you just ambush the op with good vibes. we were expecting the bare minimum in the comments and tags, but the fact you when out of your way to make it a message or ask???? superb, outstanding, the sheer SHOCK of it will shift tectonic plates

you’re my fucking hero if you do this. you’re a godsend. I would kill for you,👏people👏would👏kill👏for👏you.

AT LEAST THEY WOULD KILL FOR YOU IF THIS ACTION DIDN’T ALREADY MURDER THEM

BE A MURDERER, NAY, A SERIAL KILLER. MURDER CONTENT CREATORS WITH LOVE

BE RECKLESSLY KIND AND LOVING YOU PIECE OF SHIT, ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE CRINGY TO STARVING AND DYING WRITERS AND ARTISTS WE WILL TAKE IT ALL GOD DAMMIT

YOU ARE A CHILD STARING UP AT AN AQUARIUM IN WONDER.

MAKE YOUR HAPPINESS STIR THE TIDES, LET YOUR PRESCENCE BE KNOWN PAST THE REFLECTION OF THE GLASS.

THE FISH ARE LOOKING FOR YOUR SMILE.

#I had to write this post in ANTI-ADHD format so that people would actually pay attention to it so apologies to the neurotypicals #IMPORTANT #👏give👏content👏to👏content👏creators👏#cause unlike for you guys the content we want doesnt need to be the highest quality #we just want a sentence about how it made you feel is that too much to ask?#just one keyboard spam plz #idk what else to tag this as #its 1 am and i have thoughts #art #not botw #writing #i just realized the analogy of fish and creators is a bit weird #i dont mean to imply that our entire existence relies on your feedback #i mean it kind of does #BUT #we're not animals and we don't OWE you content #so uh #all the more reason to give people a heart every now and then right?#this is getting a bit ranty #i'll leave before i embarrass myself further #long post

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groundbreaking-science · 3 years ago

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Section 3-2: Amplification

Warning! The following section contains exercises that may cause exhaustion, fainting, dissociation, abreaction and cardiac arrest. No exercise should be undertaken without explicit permission from a medical practitioner, and mental health support may be required for exercise 3.2.5. The reader proceeds at their own risk.

Prerequisites: Exercises in 1.4, 2.1-5, 3.1. Additionally material from section 1.9 is referenced.

The first time my father sensed the Earth and his place in it, a soft dawn was breaking. He stood shaking and gasping for air atop the world's tallest tower, with a view rivalled only by God above. A thick carpet of cloud rolled out to the horizon far below him, the very real verdant lands of Yahhoi still present and visible in glimpses between breaks, and he felt relief.

He'd spent the night screaming in deepest pain and writhing on the indifferent marble floor. He'd flickered between life and death, battling the effects of a poison he'd chosen against all advice to imbibe. It was said that the poison would draw out the drinker's latent power - should the drinker survive the process. My father, at the still tender age of sixteen, was the fifteenth warrior to try and the very first to breathe in the morning's cool air.

In that new light he felt rather than saw life stirring, and he understood the interconnectedness of his own life with the Universe around him. For the first time he sensed a power through the ki-field: the overwhelming strength and evil intent of King Piccolo. With renewed certainty in his abilities my father set out to face down that evil, and the rest is literal history.

After enduring the poison my father obtained the ability to consciously interact with the ki field. Though he wouldn't learn to amplify his abilities with any measured and focused intent for a while, needing guidance from more divine or experienced sources and more powerful, urgent motivators, every one necessitating the honing of a particular element in efficiency or technique. My father's spiritual awakening was slow-going then, though that is not an insult to his effort - even the Monk among our ragtag band took decades to fully master his unlocked potential, and I know there are towering heights I could yet reach.

It is that endless struggle that ultimately gave me the confidence to include this chapter. My current proficiency and my promise to impart certain skills make the work seem simple, but I know I have reached this level with a genetic advantage and a range of thankfully unique life experiences. Yes, nefarious forces could use this chapter to escalate their havoc by orders of magnitude, but that is a highly unlikely outcome, as I'm sorry to say the majority of readers will never achieve a level of amplification that could cause any material damage. Instead I believed it more pressing to think of those curious individuals compelled to perform the "super" techniques covered in the rest of this chapter and beyond, and these skills require ki amplification to perform safely, if at all. And besides, it would never have been fair to keep from you a skill that is considered an Earthling technique at heart.

So whilst I am no God, nor a questionable feline apothecarist making my home amongst the clouds, I am able to employ more traditional teaching methods to improve your ki output with conscious intent, rather than resorting to cryptic life-and-death experiences. And so, in a more measured way, we begin to tie together many elements you have already explored.

Before we delve back into the ki field, I wish to return to the ki we already possess - genki - and the two elements that contribute to the total energy output: the charge (energy per particle) and the flow rate (particles per second). Increasing one or both of these will increase your total genki power output.

The easiest way to achieve a step-change in power output - although impossible for many - would be to utilising a transformation. Simply growing larger means more cells need to be governed, which requires more parcels of genki to be released. You can think of the size of the centre (and therefore the centre's hypothetical surface area) increasing along with the body. A larger surface area with the same flux (flow per unit area) gives a greater power output.

Namekians are able to physically grow in size and therefore power, as demonstrated by Piccolo (the Junior) at the 23rd Martial Arts tournament. This ability is a learnt skill and under conscious control. Saiyans can also grow to gigantic proportions taking on a more ape-like form as Oozaru. Whilst this is an innate transformation and so more accessible (for Saiyans with tails, at least), it requires the reflected sunlight of a full moon to induce, and the Oozaru form does not naturally have a rational mind. Mastery and use of the form is therefore restrictive.

Earthlings on the other hand aren't known for their strength-inducing transformations; the mysterious Shapeshifting Schools utilise magic and transformations in this manner do not appear to grant a power increase. The innate transformation magic of Giants, Manwolves and similar teratoidal folk does grant an increase in power, and zoomorphic people of larger frames will have a greater genki output than the average anthropoidal person, but anthropoidal Earthlings are not granted either of these advantages (by their very definition).

However, Earthlings of all kinds do have access to one technique that will raise the ki particle flow rate: the Kaioken. Against received wisdom I will detail this technique later, if only to emphasize the dangers of trying to learn this skill away from the healing properties of the Heavenly Realm. The technique involves warping the centre's surface, therefore increasing the surface area but preserving the effective volume, allowing more ki particles through. Performed with too much gusto this technique can tear the body apart cell-by-cell, so for those of us bound to the mortal realm, mastery of this technique could take a lifetime.

There is a trade-off to these size increases, however. The pool of ki particles in your centre depletes far faster when deviating from its natural surface area and size. If all particles are used up, you will be left without a way to draw on ki, and will have to rest for an hour to fully replenish.

A further way to boost power output and to much greater effect is to increase the ki particle's average charge. Again some species have access to physical transformations that can achieve this; Frieza's race being one, where various naturally armoured and therefore lower-energy consumption forms reduce the draw on the centre's ki (both in flow rate and charge), and these forms prevent the individual from overwhelming lower ki energy folk around them.

Saiyans have access to another transformation called "Super Saiyan", one that does not increase the size of the body, but does impact every cell, creating a greater demand for charge per particle on the centre. From the combined research of scientists across the Universe, including my own, we know the transformation requires a level of circulating so-called "S-cells" in the body. In brief (as this transformation will be detailed later), high levels of emotion in the body trigger the S-cells to release a message in ki to all cells, asking them to call for more ki in readiness, in turn triggering the centre to release more ki which manifests as a transformation with recognised stages.

The final way to boost your genki output is to use a different version of genki entirely. The Gods and other non-mortals appear to use their own version of ki that is functionally the same in nearly every way, though God ki is more powerful - the reason for which remains unclear. Curiously, God ki is undetectable by mortals unless they receive specific training. Given how parallel they are, I believe then God and mortal ki to be of different chirality.

Chirality is a concept we find in nature. It is woven into the very structure of our bodies, even. When we look at ourselves in the mirror, our mirror image has the same make-up as us - the same number of blemishes on our face and hairs on our head - but there is no way to spin you around to make you look exactly like your mirror image. You and your mirror twin will always be left-right flipped as "optical isomers" of each other. Similarly, some molecules can have exactly the same chemical formula, but the structure can be left-right flipped. In our bodies, one molecule we ingest can fit snugly into a receptor and work as intended, but the optical isomer will be completely ignored (or worse, cause unpredictable damage in the body).

Mortal and God ki then, with their dyadic relationship, can be thought of as chiral mirror images. Unlike chemical optical isomers however, mortals can learn to accept and use the chiral God ki, but it is not natural and so must be unlocked in some manner and developed.

3.2.1 Raising Yuuki With Kiai

Earthlings are Universally known for their ability to change their ki output without reliable access to transformation or divinely developed techniques. Their wide emotional range and social nature can be repurposed or redirected to drive that increase in power. For an instantaneous boost of genki, we can rely on our yuuki. If you recall section 1.9, yuuki (courage) is not a true form of ki but a mechanism of bolstering the flow rate, and comes from reducing fear to free up "effort" and ki-particles and therefore energy otherwise poised to react in a more animalistic fashion to the stressors before us.

Consider the question - "when we run from a bear, do we run because we're afraid? Or are we afraid because we run?" This truth is a mix of both. Calming the mind can calm the body, yes, but changing our physiological state can also affect very real change in our emotions too, which can in turn free up mental capacity for other purposes. Likewise, amping up the body can amp up the mind and ki in tandem.

In section 2.3 we discussed kiai, the guttural yell. We slowed our breathing, using the inward and outward breaths to create a rhythm that our ki synced to. When our core tightened to yell our ki flowed steadily with the breath, expelled with the kiai. Kiai also raises yuuki, as the steady, conscious breathing slows the heart rate, reducing the physical sensations we attach to fear and therefore fear itself, a calming feedback loop. We can then think of that freed energy as released in a short, sharp burst of "courage" instead.

To practise this, perform a push intent with and without kiai. Notice the increase in strength as ki becomes more dense when paired with kiai. Then repeat the exercise, this time explicitly utilising yuuki. Calm the body to begin with, and with the freed capacity of mind, genki should be easier to focus and kiai more effective, the rush of emotion with each kiai honing the intent rather than distracting from it. Practice these four states until you can sense the difference in power, both in quality and quantity. Throughout your practice keep in mind whether your yuuki is well-maintained or not. There is no need to be perfectly physically calm every practice, only to be able to note how calm to better estimate the strength of that day's intents.

3.2.2. Yuuki - Advanced Calming

Slowing one's breathing has the ability to start a soothing chain reaction through the body. But there is a shortcut - to hack our bodily ki intents themselves, intercepting the messages intended for the heart and other systems.

To learn though we must be quiet to begin with. Sit quietly, slow your breathing, and feel the subtle pulse of ki intent that ripples with your heartbeat. Not the ki itself, as that will be flowing through the body at a near constant, rippling with the breath and heartbeat, but the change in intent that drives the heartbeat. This ripple will track back to the upper-right of the heart (close to the body's centre-line) to the pacemaker cells which control the heart's contractions, and will spread from the pacemaker cells to the rest of the heart. These are the intents we must intercept.

Follow these ripples and imagine them slowing - I think of a soothe intent to envelope and slow the beat intent, and before long you'll feel your heartbeat begin to slow too. The other physical symptoms of fear will leave you as the mechanisms triggering them unwind, freeing your mind and therefore affording you yuuki to use for ki manipulation. With familiarity you'll be able to track these ripples when under huge mental and physical stress.

It should go without saying that upsetting homeostatic equilibrium is extremely dangerous. This technique should only be performed for a few seconds before you let the body drive itself again. I only ever use this technique as a kick to my system, like a full-body shiver to reset. Slowing the heart too much will leave you breathless, drop your blood pressure and cause you to faint. Playing too harshly with pacemaker cells directly could cause them to fall out of sync, triggering cardiac arrest.

The next question both the curious and antagonistic among you will ask is whether this same soothe intent will work on others to incapacitate them. The answer is yes but, thankfully, there is an inbuilt difficulty; these homeostatic intents written with a ki signature are so tightly bound to that person's subconscious that overriding the messages takes considerable skill. I know of one assassin using this method to trigger cardiac arrest, and the genki "injection" must be delivered with great, well-practised precision within close-range. Miss and the assassin is wide open for a counter. I do not recommend developing this technique both for the safety of others and your own.

3.2.3 Field Ki

Genki manipulation has its limits. We have a finite amount of genki (created from chemical (food) energy) and a finite number of ki particles to assign it too. So there is a maximum amount of genki that we can release in one instant and whilst substantial, it is most unsustainable.

Instead the most reliable, near limitless way to amplify ki is to increase the charge per particle by converting genki to field ki (banoki). In section 1.9 we discussed the ki field; how the ki field is a lower energy state consisting of a soup of decayed and garbled ki energy separated from us by a barrier of ki particles. In 2.2 we visited the surface of the ki field to read the ripples created by the ki of others. Now we will reach through that undulating surface to harness the ki energy beyond.

Find a comfortable and well-centred position. Lower yourself to the ki-field as when learning to read the ki-signatures of those outside of auratic contact (exercise 2.2.2). Feel the waves of others, those vibrations, and settle 'above' them. Remember, your spirit is tethered to this reality by its very existence, so it would take a deliberate act to cut that tie and fall in. I'd hope by now you would be familiar with this exercise and such visualisations would be of little use, but for now attend to the ripples to aid the next step.

Now, you must expend a little effort and genki. Let your mind follow your decaying genki down to the field and visualise yourself penetrating the waves' surface with a hollow reed of ki, finding your way between the surface of empty ki particles at the still spots between the waves. A through or part intent works well here. Your genki and the field ki energy will meet through the imagined reed. The link will feel tenuous at first, as both your effort and genki used in the process will render the exercise counterproductive in net ki, but do not fret - with a little practice you will break even and then excel.

Once the connection is established, you will need to gather field ki. Imagine the reed straw you've made growing roots, spreading through the endless sea of field ki below to efficiently fill the space. Imagine those fine tendrils reaching, your ki signature spilling out as genki converts to give a semblance of structure in the field ki. Then, suck that captured ki back through the reed, palming it into your very real hands. Retrieving the ki can be tricky - overextend and your fine genki root system will break, essentially wasting that genki as it breaks down far too fast. Spread too little and, whilst safe, some genki will be wasted, unable to touch field ki and convert. Take your time - the amplification will come. Aim to be able to repeat this cycle of reaching and capture as a smooth, continuous flow. When this convoluted process becomes second nature, amplification can be achieved with a simple boost or swell intent.

3.2.4 Storing and Moving Ki

At first, this mix of kis will be heavy and unwieldy to move between foci as your ki signature is weakened through the mass. The usually chatty and fast to react genki will take a while to send intents through the rest of the more neutral ki, the genki acting as lit touchpaper. The best way to manage this mass of ki is to maintain the "rootlike" structure of genki through the mass, enabling fast communication between genki and the furthest section of field ki.

To practice, focus genki between your hands and swell the mass. As you sense the energy convert, try to send the ball of ki from left to right between your hands. Notice how, as you continue to amplify (and at first even lose total ki energy during the conversion) this movement increases in difficulty, demonstrating that as the fraction of genki energy in the focussed ball lessens, it takes more time to propagate your intent from the ordered, ki-signature laden genki to the unstructured mass of field ki.

Notice too, that if you were to apply for example a push intent, the strength of the ability would falter at first, the genki now having to learn how to send out this particular intent as well as apply it to itself. You will be frustratingly back to those early days of learning the basic intents. With time and practice though your skill and dexterity with intents will return - and faster this time around. When you've matched your previous skill level across a variety of intents when using only a tenth or less of the genki usually required without field ki, you will be ready to move on.

In the heat of the moment more powerful techniques will require more ki than can be created instantaneously, necessitating you to charge up the ki intent. There is a fine balance to be had between adjusting your genki flow as and when you need it for amplification, versus letting your mind work on autopilot at a fixed conversion rate to over-produce ki. The former of course saves you energy, but the micro-management could make you slower to counter. It is therefore prudent to know how to amplify and store that ki for later. If charging and amplifying a specific attack, of course bring ki to the focus in question, but to be ready at a moment's notice to push, to explode upwards to fly and to guard, you will need to store ki in an aura.

The fundamentals of this particular technique were covered in exercise 2.4.5, but to recap, use your centre as a focus, but this time expel ki. The ki should surround you in an approximate sphere, ready to be gathered into external foci like hands or feet, to report back to you nearby danger, or to create a near-instantaneous barrier. Remember when charging to use a hold intent too, otherwise the genki, untasked, will degrade. This technique is named "aura-shoring". When performed at high ki energy densities, ki will spontaneously interact with the world, creating an impressive and intimidating visible glow around the body.

3.2.5 Raising Shouki

We don't only trade genki for field ki during amplification. We expend effort to maintain spiritual calmness, shouki. If yuuki is the calmness between mind and body, shouki is our self-assuredness, the calmness between mind and ki. The stronger our connection between mind and ki, the easier amplification becomes. As discussed in 1.9, disrupting this link by agitating an opponent through very incisive taunts will knock their power-level down considerably, as they will be unable to efficiently convert genki to field ki. Now we wish to raise our own shouki.

To do so we must get in contact with our spiritual selves - not necessarily in a religious manner, but to know and speak our own truth. For my father, his brush with death was enough for his young self to begin to attend to that spiritualness, but you do not need to go to such extremes.

Mindfulness, the ability to just be in the present, comes easier to some than others. Mindfulness is not the ability to empty the mind, for that can be frustrating to achieve as worries for the day pop in and out. Instead we must notice those thoughts, the emotional and physical feelings, and maintain curiosity toward them before setting them aside for the moment. This benign distance affords us the ability to take stock. Spending time attending to how genki moves through our body and the environment around us can also assist in this mindfulness process. It is a focus on the here and now, and is something we can do alongside other exercises.

Mindfulness however is not dissociation, where we disown thoughts and experiences as not happening or not our own as a defense mechanism. And that leads me to a warning. For individuals dealing with dissociation as a result of, for example, psychological trauma, forcing the mind back in the body can cause an abreaction and worsen your state of mind. If you find you have constant bad reactions to mindfulness, or exercises and martial arts that encourage this open state of mind, then please seek professional support before continuing further. I know of one individual who broke through life-long trauma through sheer force of will, but it took him decades and could have ended poorly. However, dealing with the emotional block monumentally improved his raw power through yuuki and shouki, so your mental health is worth working on in whatever capacity you can. I also speak from experience. Fluctuating shouki was a difficulty I had in my childhood, and it took a lot of self-compassion and support from family and friends to let go of the guilt a child can swallow when they do not know any better. Simple grounding exercises - feeling the earth between your toes, naming sounds, colours and smells in the world around you - can suffice to bolster shouki somewhat in the meanwhile, and was the technique I used until I could be truly still and in the moment.

I told you once that I made the fortuitous decision to sit cross legged over seiza for twenty hours of a twenty-five hour ceremony. This ceremony, to unlock my fullest potential, required me to keep very still at a time I wanted to do anything but; my friends and family were in grave danger, some even passing away in the meanwhile, and the god performing the magic did not come across as particularly competent. As the hours ticked by I felt no different, only frustrated and wrestling with all my concerns with little else to distract me. It was only as my anger boiled over that I felt the ease at which ki enveloped my clench fists, and I understood the power of stillness. Whilst I know the silent magic of the god played a more than substantial part in my increase in power, I know holding out hope for Earth while confronting myself and my fears during those endless hours did play some part in repairing and raising my shouki, and I am grateful for that time to reflect. I hope you can find this time, too.

With every possible type of amplification in your knowledge and the most accessible at your disposal, it is now time to relearn all techniques with field ki in the mix. I know, I know it feels a step backward, but trust me, this step is a huge leap forward, and will give you access to all the work following on. When - or if - you can amplify the strength of your techniques by a factor of two with only a tenth of the genki available, you will be ready to proceed to the next section on guarding.

next previous first contents ask?

#dbz #dbs #dragon ball #gohan #groundbreakingscienceupdate

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florenceandthemachine · 5 years ago

Text

cutting down the family tree

@buckleydiazs said:

High school au where Buck’s the sad lonely kid with the shit family and Eddie’s the popular captain of the wrestling team who makes it his personal mission to make Buck an honorary Diaz and convince him that he deserves nice things I am just saying

WOW this got a lot longer than I thought, so I abandoned the ask and put everything all up in here. Only barely edited, SORRY LMAO.

8.5k, Buddie HS AU. underage-ish if you squint I guess? tw for abuse.

Buck was good at going unseen.

It was a defense mechanism—his parent’s couldn’t get upset with what they didn’t realize was there—and it had only amped up once Maddie graduated. Once she went off to college, Buck had no reason to be a distraction anymore, to try and pull attention off of anyone; so he just got better at it. He could pick things up and set them down without a sound. He constantly walked on the balls of his feet. He even kept his breathing even, slow and low, whenever he wasn’t alone.

At home, Buck had gotten really good at—nay, he had perfected—the art of becoming invisible. So it only made sense that it translated to his school life, as well.

He got good grades—straight A’s—but only high enough to keep his grades at a 4.0, not high enough to earn Valedictorian, no AP classes, no crying over tests. Enough to ensure he would have opportunities after high school, but not enough to bring any student or teacher attention his way.

He worked out every day, and had for years, years of defending himself or defending Maddie meant he had to be in the best shape he could be in—but while his body was packed with lean muscle and quick reflexes, he drowned himself in clothes that were a size too big, making him look smaller, unassuming. He kept his posture slouched whenever he wasn’t standing to take a few inches off of his height, to the point that he could get lost in a crowd while you were still looking at him.

He didn’t participate in after school activities. He didn’t run for school president. He didn’t have a flashy car, a high status girlfriend, he didn’t show any interests that might make him friends or enemies.

Buck was invisible to absolutely everyone.

Well... everyone except Eddie Diaz.

Eddie Diaz, who was a senior, like Buck was, but was new to Pennsylvania, moving over the summer — who was 18, a year older than Buck, because he was held back in the third grade for fighting — Eddie Diaz, who had joined the wrestling team and made captain in an embarrassingly short amount of time (well, embarrassing for the rest of the team).

Why did Buck know all of this?

Because this was also Eddie Diaz, who, on the first day of Senior Year, locked on to Buck with laser-like focus, ignored all of Buck’s defenses, and apparently decided to take him on as a new friend pet project.

And much to Buck’s annoyance, he just couldn’t. Shake. Eddie. Off.

He definitely tried. He changed his walkways, he changed the bathrooms he used, he changed where he parked, he did everything except change his schedule—and Eddie was still there, keeping up mostly one sided conversations. The only time he had to himself any more was his free period, the time he spent in the school weight room, and never before had be been so thankful for that regular moment of peace.

Buck finally hit his limit one lunch period, spent huddling in the library, when Eddie sat down across from him. "Eddie, isn’t there someone who actually wants to have lunch with you? Some of your friends, or teammates, or someone who isn’t me?” Buck had asked, barely looking up from the text book he had been reading—he wasn’t a fan of the ‘mean’ route, but he was at his wits end. When Eddie paused, Buck actually felt hope rise up in his chest, that he would be alone again.

But Eddie had just leaned forward, made eye contact, and said “Nope.” with the biggest, shit eating grin Buck had ever seen.

Fine. It was less than a year. Buck could handle Eddie being around him for less than a year.

Buck could not handle less than a year.

Because Eddie, Eddie was nice. To him. To Buck, who had never said more than ten words to any other student since the day he started high school. Eddie was nice to him, and it was going to kill him.

It was going to kill Buck because he found himself wanting to be nice back.

Not that Buck was a mean person, because he wasn’t, but niceness was followed by friendship, and friendship was followed by attachment, and that was simply unacceptable as far as Buck was concerned.

... not that he hadn’t wondered, of course. He had always wondered what it would be like, to be able to hang out with friends, to have people come over to his house for his birthday, to have more contacts in his cell phone than the front desk of the gym near his house, his parents, and Maddie.

He had wondered, sure, but he had never missed it. He had never craved it. He knew it was more important for him to be on his own, at least for the time being—an attachment would make it that much harder to get as far from the east coast as possible when time came for college, and that was unacceptable.

But...

As he pulled in the parking lot, to a familiar spot near the back of the school, and saw Eddie waiting there for him so they could walk in to class together...

Alright, so he wanted it. So sue him.

“Buckaroo!”

Well, that was a good way to make him want it a little less, at least.

“Eddie, I’ve told you,” Buck said with an exasperated sigh, locking his car behind him. “It’s just Buck.”

(Eddie had called him Evan once. Just once. Once the blind panic had subsided, Buck had put a stop to that, real quick.)

“And I’ve told you,” Eddie said in a sing-song voice, “it’s a nickname. Nicknames are what friends do, remember?”

“Your words, not mine.”

Friends. Is that what they were? He rolled his eyes and shouldered his bag instead of thinking about it too deeply, but he couldn’t deny the spike of anxiety that rippled through him as Eddie started to ramble, falling back into the easy habit of talking for the both of them. He didn’t want friends. He just wanted to get out.

“...and so I told him...”

Besides, it wasn’t like Eddie actually considered him a friend. They had barely spoken—well, Buck had barely spoken anyway. There was no way in hell that Eddie actually cared about him, right? He had to have some secondary motive.

"and after that, she...”

But that was frustrating in and of itself. Buck had been so sure that Eddie was up to something, or had some ulterior motive, or but damn it if Buck hadn’t been able to determine what it was. None of Eddie’s little douchebaggy wrestling friends had approached them, Eddie hadn’t even tried to get Buck out of his comfort zone yet, he hadn't done anything, and somehow, that was even more frustrating.

“...just because Ms. Syzmaski’s a wrinkled old bitch.”

Buck let out a laugh, in spite of himself, as Eddie rambled on, shaking his head. Ms. Syzmaski wasn’t that bad, and—oh.

He covered his mouth as soon as he realized what he had done. He didn’t think he had laughed at all since Maddie left, and to have one pulled out of him so suddenly was a little surprising, to say the least—but as he turned to Eddie, beet red, he could tell that he wasn’t the only one surprised.

The look that Eddie was giving him, however, was the closest thing to “starry eyed” that Buck had ever seen.

“I, uh, I have to get to class. Bye Eddie.” Buck blurted as he turned and booked it down the hall, not quiet quick enough to miss the smile and the incredibly soft “Bye, Buck” that followed him.

Things only got worse as more time went on.

Better?

No, worse. Definitely worse.

Because Eddie could make him laugh, and the more time he spent with him, and the more he actually listened, the more likely those moments were. He was nice, too nice, on the rare occasion that Buck actually had lunch in the lunch room instead of hiding in a stairwell or the library, Eddie said goodbye to his friends and joined him kind of nice. The kind of nice that worked its way past Buck’s defenses, instead of breaking them down.

The kind of nice that made Buck actually want to open up, which, as he would never forget, was a dangerous kind of nice.

It was also, as he learned too late, the kind of nice that made him fucking cave in way too easily to Eddie’s whining.

“Come on, Buck,” he had begged. “I’m going to be failing Chemistry if I don’t get a B on the midterm, and if I fail chemistry, I get booted from the team. You have to help me.”

And like a sap, Buck had sighed in agreement, giving up a Friday night doing nothing to help the intellectually infirm (“Hey!”).

Wincing as he touched up the concealer on his cheek, Buck dragged his backpack out of the passengers seat of his car, giving an appreciative look up to the small, ranch style house that spread out before him. It probably said a lot about his own expectations if he already felt more comfortable in front of a row of little ranch houses than he would in front of his own house, but… well, that was just it. His house was a big, gaudy house in a neighborhood full of big, gaudy houses. But everything about where he was now—the sound of a dog barking, the smell of someone cooking on the grill, the fact that you didn’t need to ask anyone to buzz you in to a front yard—screamed home.

He didn’t think anything could spoil how light he felt—and that was certainly proven true as Eddie opened the door before Buck even had a chance to knock.

“Hey Buck, thanks again, you… uh, wow. You look, uh, great.”

It was a small surprise, but a nice one. He had ditched his regular, baggy, hiding-in-plain-sight clothes for a simple pair of jeans and a polo shirt, casual but comfortable, and he tried to ignore the smile tugging at his lips even as his face heated up.

“I mean, it’s nothing special, it’s just jeans and a—“

“Eddie! Bring your friend inside and close the door!”

It didn’t matter how he had tried to prepare himself, there was something about a parent yelling that would probably always cause Buck to tense up, and tense up he did. If Eddie noticed, he didn’t say anything, thankfully, just hooked his elbow in Buck’ as he yelled right back. “His name is Buck, Mama, I told you that!”

He tried to get his heart to calm down as he felt Eddie tug him to the doorway, his free hand clinging to his backpack strap for dear life, bracing himself as he walked into…

…something that could not have been more polar opposite of his own life if it tried.

Eddie’s house was smaller, sure, but it was homey in a way that Buck had only imagined or seen in Hallmark movies. He was all smiles as Eddie introduced him to both of his parents (he knew how important first impressions were, had had that beaten in to him from a very young age), but he found that it wasn’t fake—he was genuinely glad to be there. Even if it still threw him for a loop when Eddie’s mother had insisted on being called Helena, had shoved a tray of snacks into Eddie’s arms, and sent them to Eddie’s room to study.

“Go on, we’ll let you know when dinner is ready. Get your studying done.”

“Thanks, Mama.”

“And leave the door open!”

“Mama!”

Buck was only mildly placated by the fact that Eddie was blushing as brightly as he was.

Any concerns that Eddie wouldn’t be taking this seriously, or was just looking for a reason to hang out and fuck around, were quickly put to rest as Eddie pulled out his chemistry book. It was comforting to know that Eddie was just as serious about his grades as he acted, and it made things a lot easier—when Buck didn’t have to spend half of his time telling Eddie to pay attention or to focus, as he had feared, things moved at a pace he hadn’t anticipated.

Eddie was incredibly smart. That much was obvious from the get go. Chemistry just didn’t click with him, but that was easy enough to rectify—he just had to help Eddie see things from a different angle, to focus more on the process than the end result, and “seriously Eddie, would it kill you to take a legible note for once in your life?”

Buck had set to work on transcribing some of Eddie’s rushed notes into a legible format while Eddie continued to work on a few practice problems, and before Buck knew it several hours had gone by and they were both being called down for dinner, and… look, Buck had a live in cook for most of his life, but damn if Helena’s enchiladas didn’t blow them out of the water.

He found himself drawn into the family dynamics easily—Eddie had introduced him to his sister, Sophia, explaining that Adriana was out for the night, and they talked, bickered, poked fun, everything that Buck had figured was out of his reach for the longest time. He spoke when he was asked questions, and let himself engage in a few conversations, but more than anything, he just sat and ate and soaked up the delicious atmosphere.

Was this what a family really felt like? He didn’t think he had ever felt like this at home, even before Maddie had graduated, even before his father had started drinking. He felt something white hot burn in his chest as the night dragged on—not jealousy, or envy, something more dangerous, want. It seemed like a cruel joke, that someone so close to him got to have it all, while he had… nothing, but as he looked over at Eddie, his head thrown back in laughter at one of his mothers jokes until Sophia flicked a piece of corn into his open mouth and he sputtered, he wouldn’t wish the reverse on even his worst enemy.

The good part about Pennsylvania was that it didn’t matter what time of the year it was, it was usually cold. Cold meant long sleeves and sweaters to cover the arms, and long pants to cover the legs, especially as the sticky feeling of Summer turned to foggy breaths and dew, and Buck could breathe a little easier.

Just a little easier, though, because when you were tugging your hoodie down over your head to cover a black eye, you couldn’t relax. Not really.

He was usually so careful. He was usually so good about covering his bruises (hell, he was usually good at getting bruises anywhere other than his face), but the last time he had touched himself up, he had forgotten to cap the concealer and the entire tube had run dry. He was sloppy. He had been reckless and stupid and sloppy and now he was paying the price; because as confident as he would have been a semester ago about getting through the day with a shiner and no one noticing, the day now included Eddie.

He didn’t know if he could avoid Eddie for an entire day. What was worse, he didn’t know if he wanted to.

The day had started off pretty well. He took the train to school instead of driving so Eddie wouldn’t see his car. He was barely on time to each and every class to avoid Eddie in the halls. He ignored every text that came in—though he did allow himself a grin when Eddie sent him a picture message of his Chemistry test, a big 91 circled on the front of it. He even managed to find a new place to eat his lunch, one he was sure that Eddie wouldn’t know about.

And then everything had gone to shit.

He had finished his History midterm early, turned it in with his head down, and walked out of the classroom. His next period was his free one, so he decided to head to the gym early, taking a quick stop in the locker room to change into a baggy, long sleeved shirt, chucking his hoodie and his backpack in a locker before getting to the gym. There was only one other person in the room, back turned to Buck as he walked in—it was as good as it could get, and he sent a silent prayer up to anyone who was listening in thanks.

It was going to be a cardio day, Buck could tell—his right wrist was a little sore, and his shoulder too, and while thankfully neither of them felt dislocated it definitely wouldn’t be a good idea to try to lift weights. He could feel the tension bleed out of his shoulders as he started to stretch out his hips and legs, nearly ignoring the telltale buzz he felt at the base of his skull until it was too late.

“Buck! There you are!”

Buck bolted upright at the same moment as a hand clapped onto his shoulder, squeezing in the friendly way Buck had become so accustomed to—but now, instead of a familiar warmth in his stomach, it sent a bolt of pain through his body. He sucked in a gasp and jerked his body away from the pain, fists halfway up as he turned around, his body sagging when he saw Eddie standing opposite to him.

Eddie, who he had been avoiding all day, who’s multiple messages he had left on read, who now looked like he was face to face with a ghost. If he could imagine how he looked right now, he might have laughed—black eye, slumped shoulder, pale, panicked face. It was probably hilarious, even if Eddie didn’t seem to think so.

“Buck?”

“Hey, Eddie.”

“Buck, what... what happened to you? Is this why you’ve been avoiding me all day?”

The biting comment was on the tip of Buck’s tongue, to tell Eddie to fuck off, to get lost, but Eddie sounded so small and scared he couldn’t bring himself to snap. Instead, he offered a weak smile, shrugging his good shoulder. “Nothing I can’t handle. You should see the other guy, right?”

It probably was in poor taste to go for a joke, and Eddie’s dark expression only confirmed that fact, but what was Buck supposed to say? ‘Hey, no worries, my mom broke a picture frame so it was either let her get the shit beat out of her or take the heat?’ Yeah, no.

Suddenly, his face was in Eddie’s hands, and oh wow that was nice, and he had to work to keep from sighing as Eddie’s fingers went feather light over his skin.

“Buck, this wasn’t just a little love tap.” Hah, no, there was no love in it at all. “You know, I could teach you how to block a few hits. Some self defense.”

Buck laughed, humorlessly, shaking his head. “No, that’s okay. Not a lot of good there, I don’t think.” he shrugged, shaking his head, even as Eddie opened his mouth to protest.

“But I can—”

“Stop. Don’t worry about it, seriously.”

“Buck, I am serious. I’m really worried about you, have been all day.”

Buck had to swallow at that, his heart sinking, and he looked down as he weighed his options. Neither were good. But if one kept Eddie from worrying...

“...fine. On one condition.” Buck said, his voice a little thick as he looked back up to Eddie, who... well, he looked like he would do anything Buck asked at that moment, and wasn’t that an interesting swarm of butterflies in his stomach?

“You stop asking about how I got them.”

Eddie’s face did a funny kind of flip flop, but eventually, he nodded. “Fine. First lesson starts now.”

Buck sighed again as he thumbed the hem of his shirt, debating for only a moment before he pulled it off. The tank top he was wearing beneath didn’t hide a whole lot, but he figured Eddie had already seen one bruise, and had promised not to ask about the rest, so he didn’t think much could come from getting rid of the heavy, hot garment.

What would come of it, apparently, was Eddie gaping at him, eyes nearly bugging out of his head. Buck felt a sense of shame pool in his stomach, ready to put the shirt back on in another second—he didn’t think the bruises were so bad, but maybe—

“Buck, you’re—you’re ripped.”

What?

“How are you not on the wrestling team with me? Or the lacrosse team, or football, or... something?”

Buck blinked for a moment before he felt blood rush to his face. Oh. Oh. Eddie wasn’t staring because he was disgusted, or horrified, but because he apparently... liked what he saw. From a sportsman perspective. That had to be it. Right. He cleared his throat, willing the pink to die down on his cheeks. “Eddie, are you gonna teach me or what?”

Eddie’s eyes snapped up, wide as dinner plates, voice an active higher as he spoke. “Right!” He cleared his throat, shaking his head as he stepped closer to Buck. “Okay, so, if someone is going to come at you from the front, if they try and throw a punch, you just move the outside of your arm to knock the arm back, and—good.”

Buck didn’t even wait for Eddie to finish speaking, as soon as the hand was up he batted it away with perhaps a bit more force than needed, a thoroughly unimpressed look on his face.

“Okay, but then you need to follow through with a hit when they’re open. See—”

Eddie moved to throw a punch again, slow and painfully obvious, and Buck followed his instructions, pushing it away, and then... not doing anything. Eddie scowled, raising his hand again, and just like before, Buck knocked it away with the inside of his fore arm, trying to focus on the best point to hit to knock the hand away.

“Buck, you have to follow through. Blocking is great but you have to use the opening to hit back.”

Punch- block. Punch- block. Punch- block. Eddie started picking up the tempo, moving around Buck,

“I’m not hitting back, Eddie.”

Yeah, right. Buck hit back, and he’d probably get beaten beyond recognition. Pass.

“I can see that, but you have to. If someone is going to try and hurt you, you have to strike whenever you’re open. One good hit and you can run like hell.”

Punch- block. Punch- block. Where exactly was he supposed to run to? The living room? The kitchen?

“No.”

Eddie gave a quicker shot—still weak, but Buck ducked, pushing the hand away from him. This was actually proving to be pretty useful.

“Look, I get not wanting to hit someone, but you just need to daze them if you’re going to get away.”

“Eddie, I don’t hit back. That’s now how this works.”

“Well why the fuck not—”

“Because it doesn’t fucking matter!” Buck yelled, his tone taking himself by surprise, as did the heat that suddenly burned through his face. “It doesn’t matter if I land a hit or not, it doesn’t matter if I get hurt, as long as he doesn’t hurt anyone else!”

“He?”

The words hung in the air, heavy and dark, and Buck almost swallowed his tongue when he realized what he had said.

“Buck, who did this to you?”

“I have to get to class.”

It was too much. Buck swallowed as he turned around, abandoning his belongings in the locker room as he fled through the gym doors. He didn’t have to run far—thankfully he had his phone and wallet with him, which meant he had a train ticket—and only when he managed to throw himself between the closing doors of the Thorndale line did he manage to breathe again.

He pulled his phone out when the train took off, shooting a quick message to Maddie, asking her to call him out for the rest of his day.

Then he turned off his phone, put his head in his hands, and started to cry.

When Buck came to school the next day, he had his concealer on, and as far as he was concerned, the day before had never happened. He parked in his regular area, locked the doors, and tried not to sigh too heavily when he saw Eddie waiting from him.

He didn’t have it in him for a fight, but Eddie had both his hands up, and that was enough to keep Buck from running again.

For now.

“Look, Buck, I won’t ask details, but.... just tell me, are you okay?” Eddie asked, his voice slow and unsure, and Buck felt a frown creeping over his face in spite of himself.

He tilted his head as he looked Eddie over, brow furrowed. “You really care about me.” A statement, not a question, but Eddie nodded all the same. “Why?”

If the question caught Eddie off guard, he didn’t show it. Instead, he looked away, seemingly chewing over his words as he tried to answer.

"Because you’re worth being cared about, Buck.”

Buck hummed as he considered the answer, acting like it didn’t just rock him to his very core, and sighed as he opened his arms and pulled Eddie into a hug—Eddie seemed surprised, but pleased, and Buck didn’t have to wait long before Eddie was hugging him back, so gently and mindful of Buck’s body that he thought he might start crying again.

“So, it’s not just these rugged good looks?” he mumbled into Eddie’s hair, and Eddie groaned, shaking his head.

“Buck, please.”

“My charming personality?”

“Buck, please.”

Somehow, nothing changed, and everything did.

Eddie didn’t bring up the bruises anymore, possibly because they weren’t visible anymore, but he held himself differently around Buck—instead of grand claps on the back, he tugged at Buck’s elbow, instead of a teasing elbow to the ribs, it was a playful shoulder bump—all, Buck knew, things that Eddie could do without risking aggravating an unseen injury.

Any doubt in his mind that Eddie knew what was going on was dashed almost immediately, when Eddie intentionally steered the conversation in their little friend group (which was mostly the wrestling team, who had decided beyond all reason that Buck was okay) away from family matters. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together, and Buck was sure it was at least a little obvious when you got to know him where the bruises came from, but that was why Buck had been so hesitant to get to know anyone in the first place.

What was new, though, was the hand holding. It started off as Buck being led around, but then Eddie never really let go of his hand. Buck didn’t mind it, even though he felt he should—he was more or less dying for any physical contact that didn’t hurt, an itch he didn’t even know he needed scratched until Eddie showed up. But it was still... weird.

It wasn’t until later on, as Thanksgiving break loomed around the corner, when Eddie let his hand trail over his shoulders while dropping a burrito and chips from the Qdoba off campus did Buck start connecting dots.

Eddie was always a touchy feely guy, and it had only increased as of late.

Eddie had blushed when Buck took off his shirt—and for good reasons, apparently.

And now, Eddie was treating him to lunch.

They were all fine things on their own, but once was an accident, twice a coincidence, and three times, a pattern.

He swallowed his bite of burrito—the perfect order, even though he was sure Eddie had only asked him what he liked once, weeks ago—and derailed whatever train of thought Eddie had going in one fell swoop.

“...but if you look at the—”

“Eddie, are we dating?”

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting. A denial, maybe? Or another blush and topic change?

What he wasn’t expecting was for Eddie to nod his head, his smile a little wider, and then just continue on.

“Anyway, as I was saying—”

“No, hang on. We’re dating? This is like, a lunch date? You bought me lunch, because we’re on a lunch date?”

Eddie’s smile was so soft that Buck instantly felt at ease, even though he knew he was probably asking the dumbest questions of all time. “Yeah Buck, this is a lunch date. I didn’t want you to freak about it, but I knew you’d come to the conclusion eventually.”

Buck hummed as he reached over, stealing one of Eddie’s chips, chewing it thoughtfully before he rose his brow. “Well, this is a pretty nice first date, then.”

He tried not to be offended when Eddie snorted, raising his brow as he met the challenge.

“Buck, this is at least our second or third date. Our last date was me bringing you home to meet my parents.” Eddie said with a smirk, but Buck frowned, shaking his head.

“Wait, Eddie, that was forever ago. What was our first date then?” Buck asked, confusion written all over his face.

Eddie actually blushed—okay, Buck was officially never getting tired of seeing that—as he looked up, humming in a way that was probably meant to be nonchalant but definitely wasn’t. “Oh, uh, well I consider our first date to be the first lunch we had. Um, the one where I made the joke about Ms. Syzmaski’s wrinkly old ass?”

Buck was honestly lucky he had swallowed before Eddie spoke, because that would have been a spittake for sure. “What the fuck about that joke made you think of that as a date?”

Eddie was pink again and Buck had to physically bite his tongue not to goad him about it, but he was steadily getting redder as Buck waited. Finally, Eddie threw up his arms, sighing in defeat as he buried his head in his hands.

“It was... it was the first time I made you laugh, okay? That’s why it was so nice.”

Oh, that was cute. Fuck, that was so cute. Buck could actually feel his resolve start to give way, which was unacceptable on more than one level, and he took a breath as he steadied himself. “I’m not staying.”

Eddie look like he had been punched. “What?”

“I mean it. I’m not staying. As soon as I graduate I’m getting out of this state, hell, this time zone if I can.”

“Buck—“

“I mean it, Eddie, I can’t—can’t stay here. And I like, you, I really like you, but if you’re staying in state, you have to know that I won’t. Not for anything, so if that’s a dealbreaker for you, you should just…”

His lungs ran out of his air as he forgot to breathe, but it was probably for the best, Eddie taking the moment to jump in before Buck could continue freaking out. “Buck, what makes you think I’m staying?”

Buck swallowed, his thoughts completely derailed. “What? You just moved here, why would you be leaving again?”

“The only reason we’re here this year is for my dads work. He has a year long contract, then we’d probably be moving back to Texas, but even then, who knows? No offense, but I have zero urge to stay in this snooty, Ivy-League bullshit state.”

Buck spoke slowly as his brain tried to catch up with what Eddie had said, brow wrinkling in a way that Eddie was definitely going to remember to call cute later on. “So… you’re not planning on staying. And you don’t care if I leave either.”

“No, Jesus. All I want is for you to be happy.”

It probably said a lot about how much that simple statement shocked him, but at this point in his life, he wasn’t sure anything would sit as “normal” for a long time.

“Oh. Well, then, care to explain how we’ve apparently gone on three dates and you haven’t kissed me yet?”

Eddie lit up like a Christmas tree as he scooted forward on the bench, his eyes bright. “Are you sure you’re okay with it? I didn’t want to scare you off or anything—“

“Eddie, if you don’t kiss me right now, I swear I’ll—“

He didn’t get to finish his threat—which was mildly annoying—but the warm pressure of Eddie’s lips against his own drowned out any other objection he thought he may have.

He was almost late to class, his lips bruised in a way he absolutely loved, and he regretted absolutely nothing.

The day before they were due back in school from Winter Break, Buck had been planning on spending the entire day in bed, recuperating from the incessant display of familial togetherness that the holidays usually had brought. Eddie had been his one saving grace—near constant phone calls, texts, and snapchats had been the only thing keeping Buck’s temper low enough to avoid a few new bruises.

And, if the sight of Eddie wearing the simple leather corded necklace that Buck had gotten him for Christmas made his heart beat a little faster whenever he saw it, that was between him and God.

The past three months had been… alarmingly good, if Buck was being honest. If his home life had taught him anything, it was that the other shoe always dropped—so as much as he loved spending time with Eddie, as much as he loved their kisses, and rare dates, and holding hands in the hallway, as much as he honestly, truly thought he could see a life beyond high school with him, he was constantly, constantly waiting for that other shoe to drop.

Which was why, when Eddie called him at one o’clock on a Sunday, Buck let it ring a few times before he gathered himself to answer the phone.

“Hey, are you busy tonight? I want you to come over and meet everyone.”

“What do you mean, meet everyone? I’m pretty sure all of your family knows me by now.” That much was definitely true—Buck had been spending more time at Eddies than his own whenever he could help it, and while there was always someone out on an errand or at work or doing something else, he had participated in enough dinners, family calls, and video chats that he knew more of Eddie’s family than he did his own. “What, you have another set of siblings you’re hiding away from me?”

Eddie’s resounding laugh was a little too loud, a little too tense, just enough to spike Buck’s curiosity without making him fear the worst. He agreed easily after that, asking if he needed to bring anything, and made plans for a few hours later.

When he pulled up to Eddie’s house, though, it was almost unrecognizable. There were streamers tossed through the tree in the front yard, balloons tied to nearly every horizontal surface Eddie could see, and there were enough cars parked out front that Buck had to squeeze in behind a truck and a fire hydrant (and hope that he wouldn’t get a ticket).

As usual, Eddie met him at the door (Buck had teased him once about waiting by the window, and when Eddie blushed and didn’t deny it, Buck had gone in to full hysterical laughter), the obvious nerves he was displaying not enough to dissuade Buck from punching him in the shoulder. “Eddie, what the fuck! Is this a party? You told me not to bring anything, I could have—“

“Oh whatever, I’ll sign your name on my card, calm down.” Eddie said, like he wasn’t the bundle of nerves himself, leaning forward to press a kiss to Buck’s lips (which he accepted, of course, he wasn’t a monster even if he was annoyed). He easily succumbed to the whirlwind of introductions—aunties and uncles and people who were clearly of the Diaz family, and damn, Eddie wasn’t kidding when he told Buck he wanted him to meet everyone. Eddie’s nerves started to hitch back up as they made their way to the backyard, and Buck was about to call him out on whatever it was that was going on when Eddie beat him to the punch.

“Alright, you ready to meet the man of the hour?”

“Only if you’re ready for me to.” Buck said with a hum, smiling as Eddie’s face did some impressive expressive gymnastics. “Eddie, you’re wound like a damn spring. If you don’t want me to meet this person, or any of these people, I don’t want you to feel like you have to. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, yeah?” He said, bringing his other hand up to link with Eddie’s as well.

Eddie, to his credit, looked like the weight of the world had been lifted off of his chest, and he beamed as he leaned in to kiss Buck agin. “God, you’re perfect. Have I ever told you that? Well, probably not enough, but it will have to wait, because…” Eddie pushed through the back door and towed Buck along with him, where a circle of chairs were set up around a table stacked high with drinks, snacks, party games, and in the middle of it all—

“…because here’s the birthday boy!”

—was a high chair, fully equipped with a tray table, a soppy cup, and a baby.

A baby.

Buck felt every nerve, every tense minute, every rational thought melt in his body and turn into a warm puddle of goo at the very core of his soul, and his face must have reflected that fact because Buck was vaguely aware of two of Eddie’s sisters laughing at him, but who cared there was a baby and it was the most adorable, pudgy, perfect baby Buck had ever seen.

The baby quickly let out a high pitched squeal as his attention landed on Eddie, smacking his hands against the table in front of him, and Buck could not be held accountable for the noise that he made when Eddie swooped forward and undid the tray, pulling him out of the high chair easily, tucking him into an arm like he was a seasoned pro.

“Buck, this is Chris.”

And now Eddie was walking toward him with the baby, the baby who’s name was Chris, and Buck only waited for the barest hint of a confirmation from Eddie before he moved closer, cooing toward the excited little bean in Eddie’s arms.

“Today is Chris’ first birthday.”

Which, that made sense, he was still so small and pudgy but still so energetic, and Buck nodded along with the rapid fire babbling as he squeezed Chris’ little foot playfully, feeling more proud of anything at the peal of laughter Chris let out at that.

“Chris is my son.”

Well, that made sense, Chris had the same complexion as Buck did, and he was just as quick to smile, and even though his hair was lighter in color it was still thick and wavy, and—

Wait.

His brain caught up with his ears and yanked him out of his baby haze as he looked back up to Eddie, and oh, yeah, there was that nervousness that Buck had felt radiating off of him all afternoon. It seemed to echo around the yard, where there was conversation and laughter just a moment ago, everyone seemed quieter now, hushed, or maybe that was just the rushing in Buck’s ears. Things started fitting into place as Buck thought about it—how he had met all of Eddie’s immediate family, but not at the same time, probably because someone had probably taken Chris out whenever Buck came over. How Eddie so obviously loved his family, but still got a little awkward talking about them at times. Why Eddie had only rarely badgered him about going out after school, because he was spending most of the time himself with his son.

“This is your baby.”

“Yes.”

Oh.

“You’re his father.”

“Yeah.”

Oh.

“Eddie, he’s beautiful.”

Eddie sagged like a puppet with its strings cut, the tension bleeding out of his body, and the smile he shot to Buck was more open and honest than he had ever seen before. He could feel a collective sigh breathed around him as the voices picked back up, apparently approving of Buck’s reaction. “He really is, isn’t he? When he was born last year, his mom wanted to give him up, but… I couldn’t even imagine that. My parents stepped up and really helped me out, we took him home, and it was just… perfect. Like it was meant to be.”

Buck looked up with a smile as Eddie spoke, utterly entrapped in how soft he looked as he held his son, his voice low and slow as to not startle the curious kid safe in his arms. “When my dad took a contract up here, I thought it would be the perfect chance to start over, you know? I wouldn’t give Chris up for anything, but I could tell teachers were going easier on me, boosting my grades, and I didn’t know if it was pity or… whatever. This was the chance for me to prove I could do it. You, uh, you’re the only one outside of my family who even knows.” Eddie said, and Buck had to physically bite his tongue to prevent himself from gushing.

“He’s perfect, Eds. You’re perfect. I’m… I’m really honored you told me.” Buck said easily, leaning forward for another kiss, mindful of the giggling body between them. “But if you think I’m going to let you forget that you told me not to bring anything to your baby sons first birthday, you have another thing coming, I can’t believe you didn’t let me get a gift or something—no, seriously!“

Eddie let out a groan as he leaned forward into Buck’s bickering, the sudden lull in the party long since forgotten as the night carried on.

The other shoe always dropped, though, and Buck 100% blamed himself for not seeing it coming. Hell, he 100% blamed himself for letting it happen. He had become complacent, he had let his guard down, Eddie had wormed his way into Buck’s heart and showed him how good things could be, and Buck had dared to believe him.

Buck had had hope, as stupid as it was, and now, here he was, standing at Eddie’s door, knocking at the wooden frame, begging, pleading for him to open the door—he didn’t realize how much he loved Eddie always meeting him at the threshold until it didn’t happen, until he wasn’t sure if Eddie was going to open the door at all, until he didn’t know what else he could do.

As it was, Eddie wasn’t the one who opened the door. It was Helena, who he had just spent the day with, and the sound she had made when Buck came into view was unholy.

The day had started off so well, too—Eddie and Buck had both been accepted to Texas A&M (while Buck’s pre-acceptance letter had come almost a month ago, he still waited until Eddie received his to even open the envelope), and Eddie’s parents had been so thrilled with him—with both of them—that they had insisted on treating everyone to breakfast before cheering Eddie on at what was likely the last wrestling match of the season (because as great as Eddie was, the team as a whole sucked).

Helena had forced him into a “Team Diaz” shirt, and Buck looked at himself probably a little too long in the mirror, tracing the name over his chest—if anyone noticed, no one said anything, though the smile on Helena’s face told Buck all he needed to know. Eddie, on the other hand, had absolutely lit up when he saw them all in the stands, his gaze lingering a little too long on the word Diaz splayed across Buck’s chest, and the look he gave Buck when they locked eyes again was nothing short of sinful (Buck was glad that he had been put on Chris duty—holding a baby was probably the only way he was able to distract himself from the sight of Eddie in spandex).

So, it didn’t come to a huge surprise when Helena opened the door and let out a sound that would have pushed him over the edge, had Buck not already been crying.

Well… halfway crying. He was only really tearing up in one eye, the other was too swollen to do anything more than squint.

His front was covered in blood, the “Team Diaz” stained red, his lip split and swollen and his cheek covered in bruises. It was probably for the best that his left eye was swollen shut, because blood was leaking around it from a split in his eyebrow, so he probably wouldn’t have been able to see anyway. Beyond the lip and the eye, though, the biggest concern was his nose—he didn’t think it was broken, but it was still sluggishly bleeding, and it just wouldn’t stop.

Helena pulled him into the house and immediately started barking orders (“Adriana, bring Christopher to the nursery and put him in his playpen. Sophia, tell Edmundo to get home right now, his Buck has been hurt. Ramon, give me the first aid kit.”), steering Buck easily to the back yard as the rest of the family scurried around.

By the time Eddie got home, Buck had been mostly cleaned up—or, at least, his nose had stopped bleeding long enough to mop up most of the blood on his face, and Helena had taped the gash on his brow closed with butterfly bandages, and had a cold compress pressed against his face. Eddie looked wild, his eyes wide and face unforgiving as he kneeled next to Buck, and if Buck had any tears left in his body he probably would have started crying again as Eddie cupped the uninjured side of his face.

Buck knew that Eddie was trying to find words, but he also knew there were a hundred wrong things to say at that moment, so he took the step for both of them.

“My dad found out about us.” There was no sense in sugar coating it, no sense in leaving the bandaid on too long, he just had to rip it off so they could move on. “Apparently he didn’t much like the idea of his son not carrying on the family name, he… didn’t take it well.”

Eddie let out a sound that could only be described as someone breaking, and Buck blindly reached for his hand, feeling something burn through his chest, deciding then and there that he wouldn’t let another ounce of his father hurt Eddie the way it had hurt him. “But you were right. One block, one hit, all I needed to get away.” His tone had soured into something dark and sticky, good eye burning as he remembered Eddie’s little self defense lesson, all those months ago. He could tell the moment that Eddie’s mind reached the same conclusion, and he scrambled to look at Buck’s hands—there were some bruising around his right knuckles, but that was it.

One punch, that was all he needed.

One punch, and just like that, he had left everything behind—his phone, his car, his father bleeding from what Buck could only hope was a broken nose, coughing and sputtering on the entryway floor. The only thing he had on him was his wallet and his hoodie, and even the latter was tossed into the trashcan as he got off the train, too thoroughly wet with blood to be of any good at keeping him warm.

Instinctively, he had gotten off the train and trusted his feet to take him somewhere he knew he would be safe. He had finally realized that that place would never be with his family, would never be his house. His house would never be his home.

“Eddie…” Buck started, his voice thick with emotion. “Eddie, I… I don’t want to go back. I never want to see them, ever again. I’ll call up Maddie, I’ll… I’ll do something, but I can’t go back there, ever.”

Eddie looked like his heart was breaking; but before he could open his mouth and tell Buck off for considering going anywhere else, Helena spoke again.

“You will do no such thing.”

Her voice soft but hard as steel, leaving no room for argument, and Buck looked at her with pleading eyes (well, eye) as she shook her head.

“You will not be going back there. I have half a mind to drive over there right now and—no. I will do everything I can to make sure you never have to see them again.”

Buck could feel himself sag in relief, a breath he didn’t know he had been holding coming out ragged and raw, even as Helena continued.

“And Buck, I don’t know Maddie, and I’m sure she would be happy to help you out however she could, but. I would never let another Diaz out onto the street. Never in my life.” She said, and Buck had to swallow when he realized who she was talking about.

They considered him a Diaz?

“So if you would really be happier, or safer, we can get in the car and I’ll bring you to your sister tonight, but it’s just a few months until you and Edmundo leave for college anyway, and—“

“Please stay. Please. God, Buck, please, at least stay with us until you heal up a little. Please.” Eddie had apparently had enough of his mothers talking in circles, his voice shaking as he spoke, and Buck’s shock must have shown on his face because Eddie looked like he was going to start crying again.

They really considered him a Diaz.

He wanted to question it, to object, to do anything to prevent himself from being in their hair, but just like it was the first time they had lunch together, Eddie had worked his way too far past Buck’s defenses, and apparently, he had brought his whole family with him.

Buck barely had to nod before Eddie had him wrapped up in his arms, tight, and Buck returned the favor easily, seamlessly, his head buried in Eddie’s neck like he belonged there.

The thought resonated as Helena went back inside, letting the two of them have their moment; though, just a moment, announcing that it would be a lovely night to have dinner outside on the patio. It bounced around his head as Eddie kissed his cheek when they passed each other with plates and glasses, setting the table beneath the string lights in the yard, the spot on his cheek tingling long after the contact had broken. It took root when Buck found himself laughing, sitting easier in his own skin than he had ever done before as Eddie tried to justify whatever foolish thing he had done in Ramon’s story, failing miserably, his hand laced tightly with Buck’s beneath the table.

Maybe this was where he belonged.

For the first time in years, Buck saw something that was worth holding on for, that was worth keeping and protecting and letting grow.

For the first time, he had hope.

#evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #911 #buddiefic #911fic #highschool au #christopher diaz #tw: abuse #flospeaks #8k #fic #god this got long #I don't know if I like it but I needed it to be out of my brain so #there you go #mutually assured devotion

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