#ANON PLEASE THIS WAS SO FUNNY

[bluerasbunny]

Does dca lay eggs

no, no they don't

[morning-sun-brah]

You lost to Ana, You ugly faggot

I was wondering when you'd show up.

To set a few things straight, I am... so hot. Not to be vain and vapid, but I am not the one to sit around and take the word ugly to heart. Ugly? Ugly??? Wash your mouth, I'm a smoke show, and I'd never hide this face.

Second... how presumptuous. I'm not saying we're going to win. Certainly, it looks like we are not. And if we do not (and I hate to break this to you), life will go on. I'm not sitting here worried about winning or losing. We joined this comp for fun. On a whim. It's really just not something I'm worried about, one way or the other. Feel free to interpret that as you like.

And lastly, when I said I was wondering when you'd show up, I meant that. I expected it. Why expect less, honestly? It's sort of your MO, right? I say something radical, like- I support lgbtq+, and you show up with all the bells and whistles. You're very predictable.

It does make me wonder… does my competitor share this sentiment? That's where you've come from, right? Certainly she wouldn't condone this sort of talk. I wonder if she appreciates having fans like you? Throwing around slurs, being openly homophobic- well, not openly. You are on anon, aren't you?

At any rate, the next time you want my attention, come off anon. I know you won't, you have the spine of a worm. It's easy to be ugly and hide (I wouldn't know). But if you want to engage, you'll need to show me that face.

[fatuismooches]

Speaking of crow friends (and corvids in general) they can talk! They mimic sounds way better than parrots do. So rises this funny idea for a scenario:

Let's go for a raven for this one since they sound more human-like with their mimicry.

Dottore one day gets a very startled lover interrupting his experiments, insisting that they heard something saying: "Hello? Hello?" Out their window - and it's very creepy!

And what's worse is - they hear it saying things like "I see you!" In a very sing-song voice! And it's freaking them out!

Dottore investigates of course, going into the room they last heard it in. He stood there for a couple of minutes, before he heard knocking on the nearby window, and a light voice calling out: "Hi!"

A large huddled silhouette is perched on the edge of the frosted window.

It's is a raven.

A raven who thought it was very funny watching the other human scrambling about earlier. Anyway, maybe this new human can get the food!

The raven knocks again, this time pointedly looking at the plate of cookies near the window.

The raven had been terrorising his lover for cookies.

[Extension: Ravens repeat what they hear, especially if the words have effect like: "Come here," and they mimic the voice of the person they heard it from almost perfectly. So... Segments hearing their 'lover' calling them from somewhere time to time? It's just a bird that thinks it's entertaining to watch them walk around confused.]

The first 'hello' made you pause and wonder if you just imagined it. The second 'hello' had you alert and looking around for one of your lovers only to be met with nothing. The third 'hello' had you jumped up and ready to smack some intruder over the head with a book, because no one else knew the location of your room. A few seconds of silence had you nervously inching away from the window and toward the door.

At first, you thought it could be the evolution of Foxttore learning your language and therefore carefully examined him, but much to your disappointment he remained a lazy beast that pawed at his empty food bowl and laid around in the worst places that made the segments trip. With a sigh, you briefly lower your guard and wonder if you really are too tired - but then came the eerie 'I see you' from somewhere that you could not pinpoint.

You never bolted so fast in your life.

Naturally, your husband is surprised when you all but crash into his lab and run to his side to huddle near him, mostly because this isn't you being needy for cuddles but instead, you're clinging and digging into his clothes as if something had gone terribly wrong. With some back rubbing and water from Dottore, the words come spilling out about the very real and scary voice that had tormented you for the past few minutes and the conclusion that the lab may be haunted.

As silly as your observation sounds, Dottore can't write it off especially when you're this freaked out, and also the fact he won't forgive himself if you do get hurt from him not listening to you (past incidents and all). And so the two of you walk toward the scene, of course with you firmly attached to his side and making his walking speed two times slower.

You remain by the door's entrance, carefully sending nervous looks around your room while somehow still being concerned for him.

"What if the entity gets you?!"

"I can assure you I'll be fine."

A little bit of searching (although there's really not much to go off of) has you antsy and Dottore thoughtful before the voice calls out once more, only this time the culprit is much more obvious, cawing and raising its feathers dramatically. Immediately your anxiety washes away.

"A bird friend!" You exclaim with excitement before it dies down a bit, remembering the mini panic you just went through. "A wicked bird friend... but it's cute!" Needless to say, Dottore is unwilling to sacrifice any of your treats but throws the bird some nuts and fruit at your insistence.

(Poor segments are dropping what they're doing in exchange for "your" sweet beckoning, only to end up huffing in disappointment. Omega is the first to catch on but lets the little guy continue to do its thing because he finds it amusing too.)

[realpokemon]

You must get a lot of asks, how do you decide which ones to answer?

‎

[sward-detcader]

ghost balls

I hope you’re satisfied

[ask-shane]

your asks astonish me, but i realized theres only.. like.. 5 types of asks u get. so basically this is what i think ur ask box looks like rn:

anon1: haiii shane! luv u!

anon2: shane i hate you you look like you never shower you stink so much you filthy rat

anon3: shane ur so ugly i love you. ur such a cutie patootie. ur so pathetic. ur like the physicla embodiment of a wet paper bag. i luv u.

anon4: hi u have a nice ass :3

anon5: shane help my toilet exploded

basically what im tryin to say is that you dont get paid enough for this

i actually laughed out loud reading this.

you think i get paid for this? i wish i were… i’m not. i actually think my paycheck gets deducted whenever i log into this blog.

[askchilchuck]

I’m sending my evil army of crabs to unleash the horrors on you >:)

What do you mean-

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY!?

[dipperscavern]

hiiii! the anon who requested the Mike x fem!reader fic here. please don't apologise, I can totally understand😭😭 the show's too addictive, I binged watched the first few seasons really quick too, you can take your time🫶🏾

HII IM SO SORRY FHIS TOOK SO LONG GRR. honestly, i really struggled w this 😭 i didn’t make it very long or defined (i wanted this to set the tone of their relationship), and i left it pretty open ended (on purpose) so it could be built off of in other continuations as maybe a clientsdaughter!reader 🙂‍↕️thank u sm for the ask & i hope u enjoy!! (this is ass)

mike ross x fem!clientsdaughter!reader

mike had learned a countless amount of knowledge since joining the firm. how to talk to people, how to negotiate, how to work, how to win. along with this, he also learned the workings of the office itself — more so the people that were in it.

kyle talks to his girlfriends throughout the day. it’s often mike can catch him leaned back in his chair, not-so-discreetly checking his phone, eyebrows raising as he clicks on the selfie he was sent.

louis keeps his favorite breakfast bars in the top cabinet. rachel chews her lip when she’s thinking. the fax machine only listens to donna — don’t mention if harvey’s having a bad hair day, he knows.

oh. and don’t sleep with clients.

not getting involved with clients was a general rule of thumb. according to harvey, the less emotion involved, the better. even so, harvey himself was guilty of sleeping with a few clients — after business was done, of course. but that was different. harvey was harvey, and mike was a first year associate, already tap dancing on thin ice. he could absolutely not afford to break any rules — no matter how unspoken they might be.

truly, it was all going fine. until he met you.

you & your father are in the racehorse industry. famous for the record breaking times your horses submit (& the world-class conditions they’re always in), thousands come to the races to bet on them. your family has been breeding, training, and racing horses for decades, and your father loves his job. there’s only one issue.

he’s currently being sued for “wrongful termination” by an ex employee. the employee mistreated multiple horses during his time working for you & your father. once you both found out, he was gone.

now, 4 months later, when your most famous horse “knights honor” has died, the employee is claiming the horse was milkshaked before his races (he was not).

“Milkshaked? What the hell is that?”

harvey’s voice carried through his office as jessica presented the case to him & mike. your father was a friend to her, and it was important that harvey got this done. mike remembers the article he read years ago on racehorses when knights honor won his first championship.

“In the context of horse racing and illegal substances, a milkshake is any compound or combination of compounds administered to a horse, pre-race, for the purpose of causing.. metabolic alkalosis of the blood and extracellular fluid of that horse. Although, a previous widely used method to ensure placing times, milkshakes are a prohibited practice on race day in all U.S. jurisdictions.”

harvey and jessica exchange looks between themselves & mike. they're about to raise questions when donna's voice crackles through harvey's phone.

"Translation: Its when the horses are given a “milkshake” of different drugs before a race. It can kill fatigue and improve their endurance."

all heads look down to the phone, then at donna's desk. donna's already looking their way, of course, and she swallows under their field of vision. she shrugs.

"What? I can't.. watch tv?"

she abruptly puts the phone down, turning her chair around to type on her computer. jessica clears her throat.

"Tom is an old friend. He's genuine."

harvey interrupts. "You need me to make it go away.”

“No. This could tarnish his entire reputation… his life’s work. I need you to kill this thing in its tracks. Get it done.”

with that, jessica turns & exists the office. harvey sighs, skimming over the case file jessica dropped on his desk. he looks at mike.

“Find the daughter. Find out everything — previous arrests, divorces, a stolen tangerine from publix- I wanna know about it.”

mike nods, offering a-

“Yes, captain,”

(which makes harvey give him an exasperated look) before he retreats back to his cubicle, moving to start his manhunt. donna winks as he passes her desk.

꧁——————————————————꧂

“No, he doesn’t.”

you can sense the presence of the associate approaching behind you. you quickly thank the man working the stand as he hands you your pretzel, and you turn to face harvey’s right-hand. mike ross.

“I- You don’t even know what I was about to say.”

“Yes, I do.”

he’s cute. pretty blue eyes, a photographic memory, and a boyish charm that you can’t say you’re immune to.

“You were about to ask if he’s had any previous arrests. No, never.”

mike shakes his head. “Sorcery. Speeding tickets?”

you turn to look at him with an exasperated look. “No, officer.” he smiles.

“How did you know? That I’d ask.”

you shrug. “Ancient blood magic.”

a few moments of silence pass, and he’s silently moving his head in tune with his thoughts — like he actually believes you. you decide on mercy.

“It’s the first question lawyers always ask.”

“Ah. Been through this before?”

you shrug.

“Do you always stalk your clients?”

he doesn’t miss a beat. “Only the pretty ones- a hobby of mine.”

you hum, breaking off a piece of your pretzel and handing it to him. he sighs, leaning back.

“Oh you sweet, sweet angel.”

you both continue your walk to pearson/hardman, wanting to get there early to prep for the deposition today. mike breaks the silence once he’s done chewing.

“Do you always feed your lawyers?”

“Only the cute ones,” you break off another piece, handing it to him. “Its a hobby of mine.”

꧁——————————————————꧂

the elevator rings, signifying the end to your journey. mike is in disbelief as you step out of the elevator — mind trying to wrap around your last statement.

“What- are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

mike moves to catch up with you. “Okay, multimillion-dollar horse racing company, and you just.. have no security cameras? Zero?”

you turn to face him, giving him a defiant look that makes his heart flutter.

“I don’t see any cameras around here.”

as you approach the glass-doored conference room, mike opens the door for you.

“Touché.”

you shoot him a look across your shoulder before you move to greet your father, already waiting. mike pauses outside, staring, as you hug your father, no doubt offering some sort of reassurance.

“No.”

mikes head snaps toward the voice, harvey’s un-foreseen presence making him jump a little. mike looks around a bit.

“I.. didn’t even-“

harvey points a finger at mike, then at you, then slowly wags it back and forth for dramatics. mike sighs, looking around and putting his hands in his pockets, waiting for his scolding to be done.

“Harvey-“

“Uh uh.”

“Harvey.”

harvey continues his finger wag. “Micheal.”

“Harvey.”

harvey walks backwards towards the door, opening it with his free hand. “Don’t.. do it.”

mike rolls his eyes, following harvey into the room.

okay. don’t get with the funniest, most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. got it. easy.

easy. right?

the look you give him as he sits down proves him otherwise.

[iztea]

you two are communicating im just the messenger

[deoidesign]

If William had to fall in love with ONE cursed pirate, who-

uhmm, I guess Scrappy and Big are pretty busy being lesbi- GOOD LORD WHAT IS HAPPENING OVER THERE

[necrotic-nephilim]

in lieu of having posted any writing/headcanons/asks in the past few days because i have been *so* busy and unable to do anything fandom-related which is terrible and evil, i have a poll out of morbid curiosity and self-indulgence. i've been meaning to ramble here about how i feel about DC's lack fo Deaf representation and which Batfam members i would personally make Deaf, but i am mildly curious about the larger opinion and now i will subject you all to the question, i would love to hear thoughts/opinions/headcanons on any specific choices. (would love d/Deaf/HoH opinions esp but i'm mostly expecting this to reach the hearing crowd, so opinions from hearing ppl are ones i'm very curious about. if you've never given it thought before you are going to now or else /lh)

[ivan-alnst]

i have some song recommendations for you to listen to while thinking about your crush <3: you would relate to some of these, trust me ;)

Till I Met You - Angeline Quinto

Till My Heartaches End - KZ Tandingan

Till There Was You - The Beatles

Till There Was You - Aiza Seguerra

Till I Found You - Phil Wickham

Dusk Till Dawn - ZAYN, Sia

Till The World Ends - Britney Spears

Till Forever Falls Apart - Ashe, FINNEAS

Till You Tell Me To Leave - TV Girl

Till They Take My Heart Away - Clair Marlo

Till I Kissed You - Everly Brothers

Till Then My Love - Matt Morno

Till I Loved You - Barbra Streisand, Don Johnson

Till Death Do Us Part - White Lion

There Till The End - JERUB

Till The End Of Time - Earl Grant

Till The End - Six Part Invention

hits more differently when you add a coma after till :')

(im so sorry admin, no need to listen to all that :(, you can search them either in youtube or spotify ^^)

- 🐷 (it's me obviously)

Okay. I see... I see what you did here.

When I catch you. This also counts for your other ask that you sent with the additional song, I'm not answering that one. Some of the songs weren't on Spotify, so suffer I guess.

[star-trek-fandom-confessions]

#294

"I avoided watching Discovery and Strange New Worlds until this year because they're doing f*cking Spock again. I'm so sick of Spock! I've been sick of Spock for THIRTY YEARS. An infinite universe to play in, dozens of established alien races and carte blanche to make new ones, and you pick fucking SPOCK, AGAIN?

Vulcans are the sad beige moms of the galaxy. Stop making them the main characters.

I'm so mad I slept on Disco for so long, I would die for fully half that crew.

Not the Vulcans though."

[mcybree]

yes prepare for my rant on the toxic nature of Okubree

no its my cute wholesome ship

[sunny-and-the-flowers]

hey, remember that conversation we have about what boomer listened to. Do you think he listens to man at work because i saw a lot of edits of him with that song and i think it suits him.

[thatdeadaquarius]

I have so many ideas but none of them can be put into words, all I can do is just wheeze as they come along🤣

Also remember how wordy and flowery Teyvat speech/dialogue is? ADD THAT TO THE FACT THAT TEYVAT HAS ITS OWN LANGUAGE---

Reader can understand the basic speech which is why they are so blunt (I love this idea so much 🤣) and can piece together an idea what the person is talking about.

*insert random person talking about a commission with a long ass backstory*

Traveller & Co.: *understands completely and making plans to retrieve said commission*

C!Reader: (They said they had a cart.... a bunch of hilichurls appeared... dancing?.... they want us to dance fight the hilichurls???? Dance off???)

Actual story->The person's cart got ambushed by a group of hilichurls and taunted them by dancing around it.

....... it doesnt always translate well

Also imagine Reader heaeing random names and overthinks it as a word instead of a name.

Example: Pantalone means pants in Philippine English (sorry not sorry Pantalone)

Tsaritsa??? Oh do they speak russian there??? - reader

Capitano -> captain in some countries

(I once mistake Sandrone as Sandalone and I just went "... ehh??? Standalone? Sandalone as in Sand Alone???? Sandal (Flip flops)????

Oh wait its Sandrone" ".... as in Sand and Drone??--)

-Vine Boom

VINE BOOM ANON MY BELOVED 💖❤🧡💛💚💙💜✨️✨️

Gif is me writing u anything ever:

AHFLALA FERRRALLL I STG I ALSO THOUGHT ABT THIS!! WHY U COULD ALSO BE BLUNT BC U ONLY GOT THE BASICS 💀 RIP

Man theyre written language looks so scary to learn, kinda like when I looked into trying to learn Mandarin/Japanese (and even Korean), the letters r just inherently so different i was so intimidated

And u dont even read it like left -> right like English

Omg i tried to reply to a arabic comment on my art post once, and i felt so acommplished when i finally was able to type "اشكرك (thanks)" but like, i had to put it on the OTHER SIDE OF THE TEXT BOX, LIKE ALIGN IT TO THE RIGHT INSTEAD OF HOW U KNOW ENGLISH IS INHERENTLY ALIGNED LEFT, IT WAS SO TRIPPY-

Going thru genshin life only understanding minimal words of anything anyone says is honestly how i feel like ive been playing Genshin LMAO

Those analysis videos/lore are saving a bitch's life out here

PANTALONE IS ALSO RLLY CLOSE TO SPANISH FOR PANTS I KNOW WHAT U MEANNN LOL

UR ENDLESS CONFUSION FOR SANDRONE PLEASE ANON U DIDNT EVEN GET IT RIGHT THE FIRST CORRECTION IT JUST KEPT GETTING WORSEEE 😂😭 SAME THO

That would literally be you in genshin tho, like i could easily see it being like, back to back misunderstandings 😭😭

Like u think u got it right (Oh so his name is Rex Lapis, wait what? Morax? Ok his name is Morax...?? What??? Zhongli??? WHO IS THIS MAN-)

.

JFC first they gotta have a whole different language (like u saw in game)

And ON TOP OF THAT THEY CAN TALK FOR 10 MIN STRAIGHT ABT THE WEATHER OR SOME SHIT??

No... just, no.

U quickly decide u like what little bits of language u could pick up so far, which just results in,

U guessed it, simple speech and short fragmented sentences (or broken Teyvatian)

U cant even bring urself to care when u give half the characters a heart attack and send the rest into laughing fits

No fucks given, they wanna make this extra hard on u by being wordy on top of a new language,

Yeah u dont care what comes out of ur mouth anymore

Also, since everybody is raised in Teyvat very few ppl dont know the language, which once again brings us back to ancient/older deities/creatures who have a more simplistic version/outdated version of modern language

.

Omg getting stuff mistranslated bc u cant understand it all/only keywords sounds like hell but also rlly funny

Traveler/Paimon: "Alright, yes, all is well. We will accept this comission, and depart soon."

You: "...they want us to?? Dance fight?? Hilichurls...???"

Traveler just stares at u half in pity, half trying to hide their amused smile, Paimon is giggling

The commissioner is shook bc a supposed ancient creature?? Just accepted?? Their simple commission?? And u think they want u to dance battle???

.

PLEASE U MISTRANSLATE THE HARBINGERS NAMES RIGHT TO THEIR FACES

Signora: "You shall rue the day you crossed the Fatui mortals!"

You: "Lady we don't care, just fight us."

(Signora just means 'Lady')

Signora: *offended gasp*

Traveler/Paimon trying to stifle laughter

Raiden Shogun jaw dropped a little

.

Pantalone: "What a pleasure to finally meet you traveler, and thine wonderful companions!" *little bastard smile*

You: "And it was awful to meet you, Pants."

Pantalone: 😶😧😡 "Pants?! HOW DARE YOU NOT EVEN GIVE ME THE MOST BASE RESPECT, AFTER I GREETED THEE SO KINDLY-"

.

Oh its so funny, everytime you talk about Childe you always phrase it like he's an actual child bc u thought everyone was just calling him a little kid for some reason (u dont know how Teyvat ages work, he could be for all you know!)

Not very long, but Vine Boom anon your brain >>>>

Ur ideas r so on point, i love them sm

That makes perfect sense why u could be talking blunt too, like an in world explanation really

For you, all the desserts🥰 🤲🍪🍨🍰🍮🧋🍦🍡

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘