#AND i'm so picky about textures which is why a lot of things that people are like 'you should it's good for you'

[autumnrory]

wonder if i shouldn’t download the health tracking app i used in college to help with this but it was always so hard if i didn’t know the information on the food i was eating

[dr-spectre]

Rambling about Marina and Relatability...

I've said in the past that i relate heavily to Marie, but as i think about it further.... I think i relate more to Marina... I just read through this incredible twitter thread by @ _CSenpai_ which i shall leave at the end, but it got me to really think... "huh... Marina is kinda me fr." (Also I'm gonna get pretty personal in this post so keep that in mind too.)

Marina has very serious special interests and clearly spends a lot of time researching and engaging in these interests. She gets VERY excited when someone mentions anything remotely about her interests and takes them seriously. Which is something i do as if someone even remotely mentions Splatoon out of the blue, my chest will go "BZZZTTTT" and i get the tingles and i wanna run around my room.

She's very into machinery, video games, music and manga/comic books. Marina stays up and overworks herself when it comes to music and her interests, which is shown in the dev diaries and chat logs in Side Order and Octo Expansion. This is something i tend to do as well as I consume my special interests way into the night and i can't go to bed because I'm so damn energized. Sometimes i become so focused that i don't even notice that time has passed by for so long and before i even realise it... It's 2pm and now i want lunch.

She corrects Pearl on wizards which reminds me of the kind of stuff i say during my rambles about Callie and her arc in Splatoon 2... I get VERY picky when it comes to people using ahem.... certain words when describing the events that took place.

In the Hero vs. Villain Splatfest, she is the only one who is taking it very seriously while everyone else is smiling or expressing anger.

She's using a god damn GAMECUBE CONTROLLER AND A HEADSET! She's literally me oh my god. When i go over for parties and celebrations and someone brings out a Switch and we play Smash Bros or Mario Kart? I take that shit seriously and i can't tone back my skill level and just have fun.

Also Marina is known to have sensitivity to certain food textures including mayo and pulp in orange juice. Now i LOVE mayo personally but i HATEEEE stuff in my drinks. I am a massive texture eater and i will avoid stuff in food that ruins the texture. When i get pumpkin soup for example, if i see vegetable bits in that shit i will actually feel sick and flick the bits off of my spoon.

Marina is also seen stimming and pacing back and forth when excited. When i tend to get overly excited by myself, i will literally violently shake for a brief moment and then squeal. I'm not joking.

Marina also tends to bottle up her emotions and often lashes out onto others when it's too much for her. Which is something i tend to do... I don't often say how i feel when someone asks how am i and i often wanna scream and break something when the anger is just too much for me to contain. I end up yelling by myself and cuss like no tomorrow. I can find solace in a character who does a similar thing i do, minus the cussing lmao.

I think one of the bigger reasons on why i relate to Marina is gonna be a weird one but... She is almost always seen with her headphones. No matter what situation she is in, she always wears her headphones.

Even when she's Marina Agitando and Overlorder has taken over her body, the Controller VM acts like headphones as it covers her ears!

Now this detail about her wearing her headphones almost often might seem minor, but to me it makes me love Marina even more. I always constantly wear headphones and it's due to various different reasons. First is because i love listening to music and enjoying background noise, second, it dampens the sounds around me as i can be pretty sensitive to certain sounds. And third... well... let's just say that i live with a uh.... loud parent who... gets pretty angry, NOT AT ME! THANKFULLY! BUT... when they scream... and swear... i put on my headphones and wait for the noise to go by. It's a comfort thing for me and helps get through those... rough periods... Marina wearing those headphones often and not being judged for it, makes me feel, happy...

...uh... yeah.

ANYWAYS! Another big thing i relate with Marina on is her want for order and balance in her life. She doesn't like massive changes in her routine and wants to maintain the balance in her life.

i do not like it when my routine suddenly changes and i get upset and angry. I have a strict routine and when it gets fucked over oh MAN OH MANNNN!!!!!!!!!!!

And that last point about feeling safe and secure, as i mentioned earlier with the third point about wearing headphones... I wanna feel safe and secure... I want to feel calm... I don't want someone to suddenly shout or get upset or for my routine to change and i can't do anything about it...

The only thing i don't relate with Marina on is well... Looks. Listen, i ain't no tall black octopus woman with a noticeable figure and a pretty face HAHAHAHA! I find it kind of funny that I'm able to relate SO MUCH to someone like her when I'm some 20 year old dude who looks nowhere NEAR like her. Except for maybe height i don't know.

However, i will say, i actually don't act this excited in person, i tend to be very shy and reserved in person compared to my online behaviour. I say words in a dry manner and i don't have the best social skills. So i guess that's where the relatability for Marie comes in as well. I'm a heavy introvert and despite my need for wanting to connect to others, i would rather stay indoors than go out and meet new people to start friendships or potentially a romantic relationship... like that's ever gonna happen anyways...................

I got two brain cells. It's them.

So anyways, that was all i wanted to say! I love Marina and she's my second favourite Idol, you can probably guess who's number 1 but i ain't talking about... her... well not today anyways.

Thanks for reading!!!

The thread that inspired this blog post: https://x.com/_CSenpai_/status/1367219374948376579

[madamemiz]

MILD SPOILERS! impressions from the votv 0.8.1 update (day 2)

KEL WALK CYCLE REAL even if it's a bit janky. feels almost strange to see moving feet when i look down. got peakaboo'd by this character model while climbing the tower too, i didn't realize the little rectangle on his beanie is the aso logo, that's a nice touch! (if i saw that correctly that is)

i love the glasses as an equipable item, velma mode is unnecessary but funny 10/10 just like me fr

tf you mean burgers cost 95???? and pizza so expensive?? hello???

flour?? cooking?! ok now that's a fun prospect, i'm getting the cookbook as soon as i can

on that note i've heard berry bushes are a thing now, but i've yet to come across any and i've been actively looking while out and about

aww kel's tummy growls when he's hungry now, that's cute. mfer got a hell of an appetite for someone so picky. also just like me fr

they changed the eating sound and i'm sad, i liked the original ;w; it was oddly satisfying

has the vending machine always had a nice glass texture?

that's it for now, so far so good. i've seen the stuff about kerfur, as well as more farming integration. the farming bit sounds fun, as for the kerfur crafting changes:

hoo boy. i like the idea of needing to get a few more things, it makes sense in-universe. they do most of your job for you, it's fine to make the requirements a bit more difficult, but... i'm gonna level with you, the recipe i've seen and what you need to do for it seems overboard for a casual player. keyword casual. it almost feels like the difficulty spike was created with youtubers and streamers in mind--yknow, people who are professional gamers, or at the very least people who look up hacks to speedrun their kerfurs, because several of them made it seem very easy. i don't think the vast majority of people playing the game play it that way though; i didn't have omega kerfur until a couple of weeks in-game time, and i've seen a lot of people say the same or later. these changes could potentially push kerfur to closer to endgame for a good chunk of players, which seems like a bad move to me for a few reasons--

firstly, i'd imagine this change is in part to encourage players to get out of the base more instead of relying on kerfur for the hashcodes, but having an omega greatly opens up how much free time you have, which allows you more time to explore and make your base cozy. i never had time before i had them, i was too busy running around getting hashcodes and scrounging up money

secondly, late game has quite a few enemies that can instakill kerfur, which makes sending them out for codes and repairs kind of pointless. at that point you may as well keep your base kerfur as-is instead of spending the time and resources to upgrade. not to mention that one of the items requires mining in the cave which... personal note, i never found the pickaxe or stepped foot in the cave in 0.8.0, and frankly never planned to. guess i have to now!

thirdly, like... people get attached to their kerfurs. a lot of returning players i've seen discussing the update are upset they won't have their wife/husband/partner/child/roomate etc back until later in their run unless they mail them over. why would you wanna separate the players from one of their favorite aspects of the game? hell, i've contemplated mailing my 0.8.0 kerfur over not bc of the difficulty spike, but bc i feel bad leaving them behind in my old save

maybe i'm just overthinking and it won't be as bad once i do it, but i've just been puzzling over the changes. what do y'all think?? are the changes justified, or nah?

[throughgoalsandbaskets]

A Demon's Guide to Anthropology

part: 3

Word count: 657

Tags: use of 'MC's and they/them pronouns, sensory sensitivity on MC's end, written to be seen as sensory processing disorder, written based on my experience with it but I tried to change it to be broader

Word: "sensory"

Beel's time to shine :], also this is genuinely such bad writing I'm sorry, gonna come back and edit this to be better some day lol

★• ——— –– -

Beelzebub is a lot more perceptive than people like to give him credit for. With brothers like his and being an athlete, he has to be in order to know what's going on.

Which is why it doesn't take him long to notice the way that MC shies away from a lot of foods, clothes, and objects. Completely random to the common eye, but Beelzebub is most concerned with the food issue.

It's not like MC doesn't eat, not at all, they're healthy and never skin out on a good, fresh meal, but they're always so odd with what they eat.

Meats are off the table most of the time, which isn't all that bad. A lot of people just don't like meat. But some drinks and a good few veggies and fruits added onto that is what confuses him.

Maybe MC was just a picky eater, which again is fine, Devildom foods are weird to get used to, but it also seemed prevalent in human foods, too. To Beel, it seemed completely random, from a few spicy foods to a few sweets and sours, in his eyes he couldn't find a common connection.

So with a breath, he knocked on MC's door and entered when he was allowed.

Beelzebub wasn't normally so nervous or anxious, but he knew human bodies were delicate and didn't want MC and their odd aversions to certain objects or foods to somehow leave a bad mark.

"MC," he began after entering and shutting the door. The human sat in their bed with their D.D.D. in hand, "I have a question."

Intruiged and curious as always, MC responds.

"What's up, Beel? Something wrong?"

"Are you okay?" MC blinks, a little caught off guard at the vague question. The giant demon stood above them, looking down and vaguely reminding the human of a large dog looking at a toy it was attached to.

"Uh- elaborate?"

"You don't eat some stuff and you don't touch some things."

To their credit, MC understood after a moment, and they tried not to seem rude by the way they gave a laugh and smile, shaking their head.

"Do you mean how I don't like touching certain fabrics or eating certain foods?" The ginger nodded at the question.

"That's kinda common for humans," MC explained, "It's called sensory sensitivity. Some textures feel really bad to touch or to eat, so I tend to avoid them. Nothing is wrong with me, I promise."

Beelzebub nodded in solemn understanding, sitting beside the mortal on the rather Plush and comfortable bedding. In his hands was a small box of cookies he knew they favored a lot that he'd taken with him. It took everything in Beelzebub's power not to tear the box open and have at the cookies himself.

"So you can't have some foods or wear some things because they feel weird?"

MC nodded, though they didn't seem very down about it. To them, it was simply another day like any other, knowledge as common as grass is green and Luke despises anything demonic.

To Beelzebub, though, it solidified his resolve as he passed the now opened box of cookies over, one in hand and another in his mouth.

"What food can you not have? I'll eat them for you."

The serious expression to the previous words caused another laugh to bubble out of MC, and they took their own cookie from the box.

"It's hard to explain, but I'll pass you any whenever they come with a meal I have. Deal?"

Beelzebub nodded and put a hand on MC's head (the demon struggled sometimes with such casual affection and touch with most people, but had recently picked up on simply resting a hand on the mortal's head and leaving it there for a minute), and after a few moments a comfortable silence and sharing cookies, he spoke once more.

"Hell's Kitchen?"

"Hell's Kitchen."

[a-secret-inner-life]

I came across a lot of stuff that I could relate to about autism while researching for a paper, which led me to do more research on autism in general. I saw some other people doing this type of post on here, so: autistic people, can you please read my super long and detailed list of possible symptoms I experience and tell me if it seems like I'm one of you? I'm trying to be objective and reasonable and figure out what's going on with myself here.

Sensory Stuff

I like to stim–bouncing my legs, tapping my feet when I sit, occasionally swinging my legs or rocking. I also clench my fists or sit on my hands a lot and tap my fingers on things, or just fiddle with whatever is in front of me. Recently, I count while touching my thumb to each of my fingertips to calm down because someone in a book I read did that and it actually does help me. I also sing the alphabet song repeatedly when I'm working on my website.

Sometimes when I'm very tired or overwhelmed my face feels itchy and I feel like every strand of hair touching me prickles and itches and leaves a red spot (but it doesn't actually).

I have a strong hatred for perfume because it smells too strong and fakey, and citrus scents also drive me nuts, but I really like scented candles.

I'm a super picky eater, although I'm not as bad as when I was a kid. I don't mind the taste of tomatoes, peppers, or onions in things, but I'm still a little grossed out when I know I'm eating them, and the texture of onions freaks me right out, as an example.

I get startled easily. Loud noises don't actually scare me, they just jolt me out of whatever thought space I was in before I heard them.

I also get overwhelmed whenever someone tries to talk to me in a loud car (whether it's loud with other people or just the engine), and I find it overwhelming and incredibly difficult to concentrate when more than one person is talking at once. Whenever I'm in a crowd, it just sounds like this vague roar that gets louder the more I think about it, which can sometimes be overwhelming. Still, I'm good at tuning some things out in select circumstances, like the TV when it's on.

Finally, if I pay attention at pretty much any time when there isn't a ton of other noise, I can hear ringing in my ears. This isn't usually upsetting, and I know it's fairly common for anyone to get tinnitus from time to time, but I'm not sure if most people experience it this much.

Social Stuff

I can not handle eye contact.

I'm also really, really, comically bad at social interactions. I almost never speak to someone I don't know well before they speak to me, and my go-to conversation method is to laugh/giggle and nod, I literally can not make actual conversation to save my life. Sometimes I think of things to say but it doesn't occur to me to say them, or I try to but I'm scared and can't find an opening, or I do say the thing and people don't react the way I want them to (usually it's either confusion or disinterest).

Old ladies are my favorite people because they're the least scary somehow. I also love kids, but I'm still awkward so I rarely interact and probably still freak them out.

I'm horrible at keeping contact and I wait until I know people are offline to reply to their messages because conversation is stressful and I need time to think when I text. Group chats are a nightmare, so I pretty much ghost everyone when I'm in one.

I'm super attached to my family, though. I make an effort to create a deep bond with each of my siblings, and I'm the clingiest person in the world when it comes to my older sister.

I value people very deeply, which might be why I find them so intimidating. I love them and I want them to be happy, and I put too much pressure on the situation.

I used to hate being alone, and I still feel guilty or sad whenever I spend too much time by myself, although I actually love to be by myself, a lot of my hobbies and favorite places are solitary, and I usually prefer figuring things out on my own rather than having somebody right there trying to figure it out with me.

I'm incredibly empathetic. It's not like I can automatically sense people's emotions, but I do make an effort to pay attention and understand what they're feeling and why they feel that way. My siblings come and rant to me a lot, and I can be a good diplomat and see both points of view when they argue. I also care, and I always want to make people feel better, though it obviously doesn't always work. Sometimes I'm too empathetic, or maybe too creative, and I stress out about what someone might be feeling when I don't know if it's an actual issue or not.

Patterns and Stuff

I've always been good at remembering my parents’ phone numbers and our zip code, as well as my friends’ birthdays. I work at a grocery store where I find myself reciting the regular customers’ lottery numbers in my head as they're saying them to me.

My dad used to have a verbal checklist of what to bring to work each morning, and I still recite it every time I hear the words “wallet” and “keys” next to each other. Same goes for my old morning checklist that I don't even follow anymore.

I don't adhere to a strict routine in terms of the general structure of my day, but I definitely have a system or pattern for a lot of my specific activities.

Emotional Stuff

I've been obsessed with drawing and painting for as long as I can remember. I write all the time. I think I dedicated myself and a huge chunk of my life to my hobbies. If I like something, I like to think that I make it my own, and that thing permeates who I am.

When I first started listening to BTS, I scoured literally the entire Internet to find every possible hidden track any of the members ever touched, and there were A LOT. Lately I've been obsessed with Keeper of the Lost Cities, and I can't stop talking about the books. I'm also hyper fixated on Tomorrow X Together.

When I start something, I need to finish it, and I'll often think I'm so close to being done only to continue on it for several more hours, trying to hurry up and finish because I need to get it done now. I'm also pretty bad at switching tasks. I try to multitask, but it doesn't really work out.

I can easily forget about my own physical needs; particularly I don't usually realize when I'm hungry. Overall my needs are very flexible to the people around me; if you want to eat together, suddenly I'm hungry, if you don't feel like stopping, neither do I.

I'm a perfectionist, but I hate asking for help. This is especially true when it comes to my grades and my hobbies. I'm more comfortable when I can control the variables and nobody has to know if I fail.

I'm pretty sure I have executive dysfunction because I put so much pressure on doing things perfectly that I lose the motivation to do them at all, and as much as I need to get something done, I can't make myself do it.

Since I was little I've always been awkward and out of place. I feel like I take up too much space. Honestly, I feel like my existence is lame and embarrassing. I hate myself.

I absolutely suck at decision making, sometimes because I don't want to choose something that other people won't like and partially because I'm just really indecisive. Often I feel stuck or paralyzed because I can't choose one way or another.

Along those same lines, the responsibility of being told to do something for someone else is terrible, and I hate doing these things without incredibly specific instructions because I'm scared of messing up.

I also need to know exact details of whatever activity I'm doing before I do it, and I hate when something big isn't planned out in detail.

I used to have a lot of meltdowns as a child. I’d yell and cry and throw things when I was upset. This still happens sometimes, but not as frequently or as badly.

I feel guilty about everything, including mistakes from years ago that shouldn't matter anymore. This makes me feel sort of unworthy (?), like anything good I do is the bare minimum and if I cause a problem (through anxiety or executive dysfunction) that messes up a project, I feel like I have to do everything else perfectly to make up for it, although I usually end up feeling like I'm coddling myself instead.

I constantly compare myself to others. If someone else has a problem that's worse than what I deal with, I feel like I'm not allowed to have my own negative feelings.

I feel like none of my feelings are valid. I feel and think all sorts of dramatic things that seem like the end of the world, but compared to others, my problems are small, and I feel stupid for having them. I almost wish I had a bigger issue or more dangerous mental problems that would make my responses more reasonable, but my logical side knows that this thinking is wrong.

I've been dealing with off and on burnout since I was around twelve years old (so about five years). I've been told over and over that my mindset is wrong and I need to do a million things better mentally to be less of a perfectionist, but I don't have the energy to put in any effort whatsoever to fix myself. I still get random bursts of motivation that last for short periods of time, though.

Sometimes when I go to bed after a stressful day, I wake up in the morning and I have this uncontrollable dread about starting my day. The thought of getting up sounds impossible, and it's almost like there's something sitting in my chest keeping me down.

[palomahasenteredthechat]

(lol, not gonna bother asking anonymously, since I'm linking a post of mine in this)

nonny, I could kiss you on the mouth for this submission.

here's MY mental breakdown post from a couple weeks ago, pretty much talking about the same damn thing:

(man oh man, I hope the above link works--if not, then if you look in my posts archive, it's the first post for July.)

"…clearly something psychological that they just need to-, get over it, eat it, it's good."

Yeah, that specific line rubbed me the wrong way too!! (first time I heard it, I raised both middle fingers towards my PC, lol)

b/c it doesn't sound like: 'oh, it's psychological, it's a tiny mental block that you need to get past--' I--what? no, shut up. it SOUNDS like: 'it's psychological; it's all in your head; it's a stupid hang-up; get over it and just eat the good food like the rest of us 'normal,' not-crazy people.'

"just get over it, it's good," "it's a Herb, just eat it; it's fine." (stg, I wanted to grab him by the lapels and shake him, I was so damn upset at that dismissive tone.) "Just eat it," he says, as if it's just that easy; as if it's just that simple.

And I TRIED to write this off and give him the benefit of the doubt, and say that I suspected that "he hasn't come across someone neurodivergent, and that he's talking about some people who turn up their nose at a food just because it has an ingredient that they've decided that they will never eat…" Y'know? I wanted to be fair and give this stranger some grace for some reason idk I'm too soft sometimes.

At the time, when I first saw this (when this interview originally dropped, back around July 1st or 2nd), I tried venting my pain in my discord group about this, and just why it had triggered me so badly.

The response? I was gently dismissed by people who told me that he was just joking, and he's talked about not liking the texture of organ meats, so he understands that stuff, he was just being funny, ha ha, "rrrrroast you a chicken." And I was also slapped down (not really, but the comment was so written so 'directly' that it could be felt that way; which I did) by someone who said that he's also neurodivergent, since he has dyslexia. (a fact that I had NEVER heard of, up until that point; nowhere on the internet, nowhere on the discord chat history, not on what posts on here that I could see; nothing. According to someone, he's talked about this a lot, but I've still never heard him speak of it or read him talking about it. Not once.)

And NO ONE ELSE was making a big deal about this (aside from every person who piped up in the tags about how cilantro tastes like soap to them, but that was all that was said aside from a stray tag here and there about 'yeah he wouldn't like me, I'm a picky eater')--at least, nothing along the lines that you've described above.

and I felt like I was going insane.

so thank you, thank you, thank you for submitting this (and thank you Paloma for responding to them, lol), it's really comforting to know that I wasn't alone.

Thanks for sharing Nonny. I know a lot of people have issues around food for soooooo many reasons.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #232

Do people tell you you have cold hands? YUP!!!!!!!!! This happens a lot.

Do you feel that the shape of the pasta alters the taste? Not the taste. Just texture.

How often do you listen to rock music? If I'm listening to music, odds are incredibly high it's either metal or rock.

In games, do you like to roleplay as good or bad? During first playthroughs, good. I play the game how I feel I would actually do it.

What was your favourite colour when you were 10? Probably pink, lol.

When were you last in a hospital? Earlier this year because I had an asthma attack.

Is there an instrument you don't like the sound of? I'm sure there is if I actually took time to think about it.

Have you ever sponsored an animal? No. This is something I would do if I actually had money, though.

Would you rather be a kangaroo or a sea turtle? Kangaroo. I like social animals and being a sea turtle sounds so dangerous, no thanks to humans...

Do you like to get ready in the bathroom or the bedroom? I get dressed in my bedroom.

What's your favourite Coldplay song? "Paradise." I want it played at my funeral.

Do you have a favourite insect? Butterflies, moths, orchid mantises. I like giant millipedes, too.

Have you ever worn coloured contacts for Halloween? No.

Do you own a scooter? Not since I was a kid.

Which pastel colour is the nicest? Pink.

When did you last play a Mario game? It's been years, I was never big on Mario.

Ever owned an actual piggy bank? I believe so, as a child.

When did you last swing on a swing-set? It's been years. I'd be afraid to sit on a swing, weighing almost 300 pounds...

Do you study any subjects in your free time? German, but I could be more serious about it. I HAVE gotten more dedicated, but I could still be even better. I also like to learn about reptile husbandry (ball pythons especially to improve my own), and I will always read about meerkats if I come across an article from a source that seems reliable. I also like watching advice videos by successful photographers on YouTube, if that counts as "studying." I enjoy learning about their techniques and stuff.

Would you rather become fluent in 3 European languages or 3 Asian languages? Three European.

Are your bedroom curtains long or short? They're shutters, actually.

Have you ever been zip-lining? No, but it seems fun.

Did you carve a pumpkin this past year? No. :/ I say EVERY year I wanna do it, and then I don't. I need to fix that shit.

Have you volunteered in the past 6 months? No.

French fries or onion rings? French fries, easy. I'm picky with onion rings and can't eat a lot.

Why do you take surveys? I'm bored often, they kill time, and I like answering questions. Most importantly but most rarely, they also make me think and help me become more familiar with myself. I've even been made aware through them of things I need to fix.

Do you suffer from anxiety? Generalized and social, yes. Generalized has been very bad this past month or so.

Did you ever take a swimming class? No.

Favorite healthy snack? Does popcorn count?

Favorite Disney movie? The Lion King. I might like the second as much as the first, but I go back and forth.

Do you consider yourself an artist? Yes.

How well can you bake a cake? I've never tried.

Have you ever tasted banana milk? No, I doubt I'd like it.

How many pairs of skinny jeans do you think you own? I own zero jeans.

Do you own a pair of Converse sneakers? Yes, a couple.

If you see a bee in your house... are you going to kill it? I'm going to try to get it outside while possibly being very scared lol, a hornet or wasp would have me fucked up.

I’m ordering Chinese food; what do you want? My treat! Pork fried rice, eggroll if you can.

Do you have a cat? I do, name's Roman!

Ever been in love? Twice. I once thought three, but no, I just loved her. It was never like Jason and Girt with her.

Any piercings that you want? Nostril repierced, more on my ears, and collarbone microdermals if my collarbones are ever prominent again.

OTP? Richard and Paul shut up let me ship my old men

Favorite quote? I have a lot, but I'll highlight one I recently discovered that REALLY resonated with me, said by the character Karlach from Baldur's Gate 3: "There's no courage in fearlessness. There's courage in being fucking terrified, but still going forward. Still being grateful. Still trying."

Favorite singer? Freddie Mercury, of all time. I also like Patrick Stump from FOB.

How long does it take you to shower? 10-ish minutes.

The reason I joined Tumblr? I think originally it was for the Rhett & Link/GMM fandom.

Baked macaroni and cheese or regular? Regular, I hate baked.

What’s the first thing you learned how to draw? Idk.

Who wrote the last book you read? Erin Hunter.

What’s the middle name of your best friend? He doesn't have one.

How far away do you live from the closest aquarium? I don't know, honestly.

Who in your family has a birthday in January? Uh... no one that I know of. I was DUE in January.

What’s your favorite country song? Probably "When The Stars Go Blue" by Tim McGraw.

Pizza rolls or bagel bites? Pizza rolls. I was never big on bagel bites.

What’s the last show you really got into that you have to wait for the next season of? Extraordinary Attorney Woo.

When’s the last time you saw fireworks? I could see some fireworks from outside my window on the 4th.

Have you ever witnessed a car accident? Yes.

Do you own a pair of fuzzy socks? Yes.

Have you ever been skinny dipping? No.

Sprinkles or frosting? Frosting, I hate sprinkles.

Do you like mushrooms? Visually I love them, they're so diverse and look cool, but as food, no.

Have you ever worked in a grocery store? I worked at a dollar store.

What’s your Subway order? Italian bread, turkey, bacon, American cheese, banana peppers, pickles, Chipotle sauce. Next time I need to try warming it.

Do you know how to roller skate? I can rollerblade. The only time I used proper skates (two wheels on each side), I broke my wrist lmao

Can you read sheet music? I used to be able to. I could point out a few notes, I think.

What’s one food your family has at Thanksgiving? I hate nearly every single thing I've ever had at Thanksgiving, so I don't pay attention. I literally like honey ham (but not the way my sister's MIL prepares it) and the rolls. That's it.

Do you like painting? Actually no, it stresses me out. I took a class in college and I hated that erasing isn't a thing (yes, you can dry and paint over, I don't care, that's not an immediate fix), and it stressed me out that we weren't supposed to sketch, either.

Do you have to sleep with a fan on? Most of the year, yes. If I'm too cold in the winter, it's off.

Name one thing you put on a salad: I like bacon bits.

What’s the last thing you ordered from a Mexican restaurant? Literally hot wings and fries, I'm not kidding lmfao. It was an appetizer option I just made into a meal.

Do you carry a purse or a backpack? Purse.

What kind of soda is your favorite? Mountain Dew Voltage.

Do you like your in-laws? I cannot fucking stand my sister's husband's family. I'm not married yet, but I love my boyfriend's family.

Toe socks or ankle socks? Ugh neither, both are sensory nightmares for me.

Nachos or chips and salsa? Chips and salsa.

What’s the name of your pets? Roman, Venus, Cookie.

What’s your Chick-fil-A order? I only really eat there if it inconveniences those around me if I don't (like, so they don't have to go to two places), and in that case, I just get the normal sandwich and fries. I try not to support Bigot Bird.

Regular or pink lemonade? Pink.

Chinese or Japanese cuisine? Chinese, I guess, by default. Any Japanese I've tried, I didn't like.

Do you own a pair of Crocs? No, they're absolutely hideous and I've also slipped on Mom's just to step outside for whatever reason and I find them extremely uncomfortable.

Does anyone in your family have a birthday in February? Me, my niece.

What’s your Taco Bell order? Steak and cheese quesadillas with fiesta potatoes, normal Mountain Dew.

Have you ever lived in a trailer/doublewide? No.

Pizza or nacho lunchables? Nachos, the pizza Lunchable is appalling.

Have you ever been to a strip club? No.

Did you ever participate in any pageants when you were younger? Hell no.

What kind of cheese is your favorite? Just yellow American.

Make the perfect taco salad: I don't like taco salad.

Name a character from your favorite TV show: Mozart was my favorite in Meerkat Manor.

Do you like going to arcades? Yes.

What kind of meat do you like the most? Ham, probably.

Snakes or spiders? Snakes in general, but I probably like tarantulas specifically more than snakes.

Have you ever had your nails done professionally? Yes, but only because I tagged along with others.

Is anyone in your family in law enforcement? No.

What’s a fruit you dislike? Mango, as a fruit itself. Texture nightmare. I love mango-flavored stuff. Oh, I absolutely hate cherries and don't really like cherry-flavored stuff, either.

Make the perfect omelet: Just bacon, ham, and cheese, honestly... and salt and pepper, if you wanna count stuff like that I guess.

[blujayonthewing]

7, 9, 11, 14 for Felix! [Shaking him like a magic 8 ball]

[cowbell rattling sfx]

7. favorite animal? why?

you know, thinking about it, I feel like this is one of the things we have in common lol-- how are you supposed to pick A definitive favorite animal?? there are so many good animals and they all have completely different merits!

he definitely has a soft spot for squirrels, having grown up with a lot of them around all the time. he really likes crows and pigeons; they're clever and friendly, tremendous gossips, and crows especially tend to have a great sense of humor. he also has a soft spot for rats, for a lot of personal reasons but also just because they're surprisingly intelligent and sweet. and all memeing aside, he really is a pretty major cat guy

9. favorite food? least favorite? are they a picky eater? do they have any dietary restrictions?

to say he 'hates' fish is sort of an understatement; for one thing, he hates fish the same way most westerners hate spiders? which is to say it doesn't even parse as food at all, and the idea of eating it is gross on principle. but also seafood stinks and also (alive) fish are so slimy just-- WHY would you--!! he CANNOT with seafood on so many levels, lmao. he is generally sort of a picky eater-- not because he's particularly fussy, actually, he just has a couple of really strong textural aversions :\ he can't do cooked mushrooms at all (frustrating, there's a lot of mushroom in gnomish cuisine), he has trouble with marbled red meat and would rather just avoid it than fuss with it, he's very particular about eggs, etc

he likes apples, especially if they're really crisp. he likes a good grill cheese, which is maybe more of a comfort food than a 'favorite' food per se. There are definitely very traditional forest gnomish foods like spider or rabbit that he doesn't get to have much anymore, and misses whenever he's in the city for a long stretch of time; he does probably have a distinct favorite food, but I'm not sure exactly what it is yet, haha

11. what do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

LET'S SEE. he loves animals and being outdoors; he draws, and carries a sketchbook (I do this rather less than I used to lol I need to get back into the habit). he's really curious about everything and loves learning and figuring things out. he really likes people and being around people, but doesn't feel like he knows how to interact with others-- he's much worse at people than I am, but we very much share a love of hanging around with other people without being expected or required to be the center of attention or 'participate' in something per se. he's very tactile, although he doesn't act on it as much as I do. he's got a non-zero number of Issues that were not intentional projection but coincidentally ended up aligning with some of my issues, which I'm not going to detail too much, partly to not tell on myself and partly because I'm trying to leave some things for justin to find out organically at the table as a fellow player, lol

he's DEFINITELY more proactive and adventurous than I am. a crucial difference is that he's not ruled by fear of embarrassment-- he's absolutely not immune to embarrassment by any means, he just doesn't let it stop him. on a couple superficial notes, I love seafood the most lmao, and felix does not like dogs. he would love big complex board games and hate ttrpgs (roleplaying would make him too nervous) :') for all my awkwardness, I very often have Can't Shut Up Disease, but he's pretty reserved, thinks a lot of thoughts but generally tries to keep them to himself, and even gets completely silent if he's stressed out enough

we would get along so well it's ridiculous lmao. I can forgive him about the dogs if he can forgive me about the sushi

14. are they any good with numbers?

yeah, I think so! he's got a good memory and a good mind for logic and problem-solving; he doesn't know any advanced mathematics or anything but he's generally Good With Numbers

ask about my OCs :3

[oathbreaker-oathkeeper]

Neurodivergency

So I've been dealing with some shit for roughly the last 8 months. Maybe longer, maybe my whole life, but that was when I really started to understand that I was not doing great.

For background context, I had essentially some sort of break down when I was in 8th grade. I'd always been a bit of a weirdo, but I moved when I was in 7th grade and I just never really found my place at my new school. And so about a month into 8th grade I just stopped going. Even now, I wouldn't be able to explain to you why I stopped going. But I missed about a month of school, and it was just overwhelming. All of it. I was put into therapy, diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and switched schools. So I do have an "official" diagnosis of anxiety and depression.

And I've pretty much used those to explain any weirdness the rest of my life. But then I had a kid, covid happened, and now I'm in my early 30s and I feel like I've absolutely lost my shit.

Which is when I started wondering if I am actually autistic, or have adhd, or some other actual neurodivergent condition. The algorithm is pretty sure it's autism.

I do have a sibling with an autism diagnosis. I have wondered if I don't come from a long line of autistic women (my mom had a lot of hyperfixations and my grandma collects bells shaped like ladies and teapots shaped like cats).

So I've talked to my psychologist about it - about the diagnoses that I do have and whether they might have just been an easier label to put on other things. Because girls weren't autistic in the 90s and the 00s, we were just quirky.

My psychologist agrees with me that I'm probably not actually depressive. I do think I have anxiety, and when it gets to a certain point I shut down.

She said that anxiety does often go along with autism. Since I have a sibling with autism, I'm more likely to have it to. She agreed that I do show other symptoms of autism - like my hyperfixations, being a "picky eater" (which is actually me having problems with textures), and that I often pretend I'm playing a character in social situations. I can get stuck in loops when talking to people and don't know how to get myself out of them. I know I'm supposed to make eye contact but I have to force myself to do it. I can tell that I'm being weird socially but don't know how to stop.

So overall, I feel fairly confident that I'm somewhere on the spectrum. But getting an official diagnosis requires testing and money that I'm not sure I can afford or justify.

So I feel kind of stuck in a loop. I feel like I should maybe start explaining to people "sorry, I'm possibly autistic" and I feel like I'm hiding this big secret. At the same time, I know people get really upset about "self-diagnosed" autism. Is it still self-diagnosed if a psychologist has agreed that it's entirely possible?

[tehkusogaki]

I'm seeing a lot of people in the comments disparaging this remake, but I do want to go into a few reasons why it doesn't look as strong as the original.

Now of course no one is immune to nostalgia goggles and it's very easy to have that "they changed it, now it sucks!" instinctive reaction, so I am going to try to critique specific things and go into why I think they don't work as well.

First, I want to point out the composition of these two shots and specifically where the focus is.

In our original Hiccup and Toothless literally meet in the middle. With both Toothless and Hiccup pushed off the edge of the screen.

In this version they kept Hiccup fully in scene, but look how the focus of the action is now off to the side. We aren't focusing on either character-- they're both still pushed off to the edges of the screen-- but it's no longer both of them coming together in the middle, but rather Hiccup taking up the scene with Toothless starting to invade it.

Now this bit may be a little nit-picky, but look how perfectly the curve of Hiccup's hand matches Toothless's snout in the original in a way they don't in second image. They are so close, running parallel to each other. That's a very powerful image, and the remake doesn't quite match it.

I see a lot of people in the notes saying the lighting sucks, but no one explaining why. Looking at the bottom pic, you can see it actually has a greater value scale. There are a lot more midtones. Why is this bad? Because the action disappears into the background.

In the first pic there is a clear line of action going from Hiccup's arm to Toothless. By having these the lightest areas in the shot your eye is drawn to them. Then the darkest parts are Toothless's body and Hiccup's vest and hair which make them pop from the background. The most visible part of Toothless is his eye. There's a little bit of highlight on his scales and there's lighter midtones around his body to help clarify his silhouette, but we are drawn to his eye because of the light on dark contrast.

In the lower pic there is some highlight on toothless's scales (look at all that Texture! Wowee! We sure can put our computers to good use adding in details), but why is that the part on Toothless that stands out? Why is that important? Hiccup's arm kind of disappears into the background, and I can see more detail in the background than in our main character. The light sandy beach wants to draw my eye down, but there's nothing important there.

Now I put these in black and white to better see the contrast, but back to the color version, the background is mostly cool tones with warm light settling on our characters: another way in which the first one makes the characters stand out.

The only thing really catching my eye in the second one is that the greens are maybe too green? I'm not getting the same delineation of foreground and background.

There are a few other things to be picky about.

Like Hiccup's costume. Now I don't know enough about costumes to confidently pick it apart detail by detail (and honestly can't make out enough details to do so anyway) but what is one of Hiccup's defining traits? His scrawniness, right?

Look at that skinny little arm reaching out for that dragon. Look how that thin strip of lighter colored fabric visible from under his vest accentuates how slender his trunk is. Look how clearly you can see how he leans away from Toothless even as he reaches out for him. You can see the hesitation in his arm through his slightly bent elbow.

I feel like the bulky, loose costume on the actor makes him look bigger than he should and obscures body language.

Now here's the part where I want to remind y'all that art is subjective. These are some of my thoughts on this, but are by no means the only way view this. Also, please be nice to this kid. He got a chance to play a favorite childhood character. I'm sure he thought it was pretty cool to be given the opportunity and is trying really hard to live up to the role. None of the things I've pointed out here are his fault. Don't be a dick! Actors are people too.

I don't like that this is a thing. But I'm sure many people really tried to put in their best effort into this. Don't let your ire with Universal/DreamWorks for making a cash grab of your childhood nostalgia turn into harassment of artists and actors. I've seen that happen too frequently.

And remember: animation isn't an inferior art form, sometimes it really is the best medium to tell a story in.

httyd got live actioned. trailer just dropped and its uh. hm

idk what i was expecting but what looks like a shot-for-shot remake except with ugly ass high definition cgi that detracts from rather than enhances the cinematography really is. well it's a choice.

[happybookowl2]

Book Review - Two Wrongs Make A Right by Chloe Liese

Fair warning here. I am VERY picky about my romances, and I'm normally not a Chloe Liese fan. The snippets I've read of her other books have not interested me at all, no thank you to the Bergman Brothers, and that's why I initially overlooked this book when it first came out. But then it kept reappearing in my suggested reads and I read the summary and though ooo, this sounds interesting. Which led to a very long and thorough search of it's reviews, preview snippets, and any other details I could find.

And surprise! I took the plunge and LOVED it! Bea and Jaime are one of my favorite couples now.

Jamie

- Looks on the outside like a handsome snob, but seriously an anxious mess who overanalyzes everything inside. I relate to his anxiety so much.

- Adopted elderly cats in need and named them after his favorite characters.

- Loyal and true with every breath he takes.

- Such a sweet cinnamon roll. Doesn't blink at Bea's jumbo pads, researches and makes her special veggie soup because her senses don't like the regular texture, and tries to save her from wardrobe malfunctions.

- He speaks french AND does it during the spicy times.

Bea

- So colorful and creative. I loved how she knew what certain shades of colors were, even making her own mask for a party at the beginning. And her getting lost in her thoughts while doing every day things was pure icing.

- Introvert awesomeness. Seeing her hide in a closet and stress eat and drink during her sister's crowded party was another thing I really related to. Along with her struggles to understand some social cues and behaviors.

- So sweet and loving that it oozes out of her. 

- But so competitive. It was so much fun to see her get riled up on game night. :D Which also makes their spicy times extra nice.

As with everything, there was a few things I wasn't as crazy about. Bea's sister Juliet and her friends really felt rude pushing them together so roughly at first. I think I would have preferred a more gentle approach for getting and failing two such shy individuals to get along. But even with their in person meetings being chaos, letting themselves get to know each other online under screen names was a wonderful idea. <3 The breakup at the end was a big kicker on a lot of reviews I read, and I seen several people say they didn't understand why Bea behaved the way she did, but even though it hurt to see these two sweeties to through that. I do understand it. Bea's family is such a big part of her life, especially her twin sister Juliet who she shares everything with, and when she gets hurt in a similar way to how Bea did in the past. Her desire to take care of her sister overrides everything, including her beautiful love with Jaime. The reunion was lovely of course, but I really didn't find the breakup so terrible. It was totally believable to me.

Also, I really didn't care about the side characters of her friends. Some reviews I seen wrote about how charming they were, but I didn't think so. Bea's boss and coworker friends were very bland and kinda felt like someone was checking a box off for tropes and character styles.

 I'm still on the fence about reading the rest of the Wilmont sisters books. So far I'm not too crazy about her sisters characters, but I know that will change once we see inside their heads. But this book is one I highly recommend. Five stars for flaws and all.

 I haven't seen it mentioned so I don't think it's widely known. But the author has another extended epilogue for Bea and Jaime that you can download from her website.

[timeoverload]

This week was pretty bad. I have been up to my eyeballs in work. The busy season is starting, although it never really ended for me. I am always busy. Nothing that exciting has happened.

Today sucked so much. I had 31 cases and it was a shit show. The girl that helps me sometimes on Thursdays wasn't there so I did everything on my own. I was so hangry this morning and I really wanted breakfast. I told the morning team lead that I was hungry but he refused to help me. He was already in decontam and he was training the new guy. The new guy already knows how to do most things by himself so I don't know why the morning team lead had to stand there and micromanage everything he was doing. I don't know why he couldn't take 10 minutes to wash pans while he was already back there. I don't know why I wasted my time training him when he rarely helps me with anything. I helped him with priorities before my cases started but I guess that doesn't matter. I tell him I'm stressed and he doesn't care. I got frustrated around 9:15 and I just went and got food. I didn't care if I got behind at that point. I got back and I had 6 pans piled up. I was only gone for 10 minutes. The morning team lead decided to stay in decontam all morning and he took another person's shift. I think it's because he didn't want to train anymore, even though that's his job. He pushed off that responsibility on to other people who aren't certified or preceptors. They aren't getting paid to do that so it made me mad that he did that to them. He also wouldn't shut up or stop ranting about how he thinks the techs are morons. He is just so fucking mean to people for stupid reasons. I had to be stuck in the same room with him from 7am to 11:30. It's torture.

One of the doctors bought us lunch today. We got pizza which was cool. I was a little confused because they didn't ask us what kind we wanted. I wasn't thrilled about the options because I didn't like any of them. I don't want to sound ungrateful because I did appreciate them getting us food. I still had some anyway and it wasn't bad. I had to pick off the mushrooms. I guess I am picky and it's frustrating. I don't want to be like that. I have problems with certain textures and flavors. I am just glad I ate a lot today because I don't think I would have made it otherwise.

I didn't take a full lunch break because I had so much shit to do. The afternoon was very chaotic for everyone. The doctor that was working this morning started a specialty case at 11am and didn't get it done until 2pm. That is unusual for him because he's so fast most of the time. It did not go well and there were a lot of problems. It looked really bad so I really hope it was successful. They used so much stuff for that so I got even more behind. I didn't think I was going to get off on time since the doctor working in the afternoon had 8 cases and the last one was a specialty case. He does that every Thursday now and it drives me nuts because he takes forever. He uses so much stuff. I was happy that he got done at 4:30. I didn't get out of there until 5:15 but I guess it could have been worse.

I am glad I am home. I am so tired. It has been a long week. I think the only good thing that happened was that my dad was able to fix my car last night. It needed a new battery. I appreciate that he helps me with stuff like that.

I am still depressed, but I feel better than I did this morning. I know things will get better eventually. I don't want to keep saying that because I want it now. I'm going to try my best to be in a good mood this weekend.

I hope everyone else has a good weekend too. 💖💖💖

Maxwell, I'm not sure what you mean when you say you can't imagine a future with you in it. I know you will be in my future. I have had many visions and dreams over the years. I have had what I describe as "prophetic" dreams about you and a lot of them have come true already. I knew I was going to meet you since I was little. I don't know how to describe that but I remember it well. When I met you, I felt different than how I feel when I meet other people. I felt like I already knew you before. It was shocking. There is something supernatural about our connection. My dreams and visions have helped me navigate through this experience. I already know we are going to get married and have a family. I've seen us walking on the beach and in the mountains together. I have dreamed about holding your hand. I have seen you smiling and happy. I know it is going to happen. I'm not sure how but I know it will. I know this is real. I think that's what is keeping me going. I will continue to stay hopeful. I promise that everything is going to be ok. I don't want you to give up. I know you will be successful and overcome what you are going through. I am here for you whenever you are ready to talk. I love you.

💖💖💖

[xoteajays]

Because of surgical reasons, I can't get anymore piercings in my ears. Like I would love more ears piercings but I can't though. Actually.. I've always wanted my ears to be completely covered in piercings like in a similar way to AleXa's. But I can't. So if I get anymore piercings, then I would have to get other parts of my body pierced besides my ears.

But I did have my cartilage pierced in both ears, but it got so severely infected in one ear that I had to take it out. That healed after a while.

~

I do have carpenter bees, underground bees, those species of bees in and around my house. Is there such a thing as black bees? Because if black bees exist.. I don't know. But between the ending of summer, in the middle of autumn - between those seasons. There are these bugs that might be black bees (or that's what they seem like) flying around my house. But they don't sting anyone, if they are bees. They just fly.

I've been trying to figure out what species of insects they are.

~

Rocky's opened minded toward just about every woman he may have in interest in. I could see Cobra being attracted to clumsy girls, and it might be possible that Hiroto or Masaki could be attracted to clumsy girls too. And Hyuga and Murayama would tease the clumsy girl if the boys were attracted to that type of girl. But I would think it's funny if a Rude Boy was attracted to clumsy girls because they move around so fluently by parkouring around. That might just be my opinion though.

~

That's the only reason why they prefer buffet restaurants. Because.. If they eat a lot of food, they can eat as much food for very lower prices. At least that's how most buffet restaurants are. They eat too much.

Like everyone says about my diet, I 'eat like a bird'. So I've never really had a big appetite at all. But I'll just eat whenever I'm hungry though.. Could be one big meal a day, to a few small meals - not including any snacks. I would say that it actually depends on how I am that day. But if it's a meal that I've been really craving, then I'll just try eating what I can of that meal. But, generally speaking, I never eat enough food like people say I should. I'm alive. I've survived. So I don't need to eat a lot though. People commenting about my eating habits just annoys me.

Everyone I know personally, just about everyone I know has their own opinions about me being a vegetarian. So I get mixed reactions about it. And it does get really annoying hearing those negative comments.

But if it wasn't already complicated being a vegetarian. I'm so autistic about my sensory inputs.. Including foods. The taste, smell, texture is part of the reason for my inputs. So I'm too picky about certain foods.

And I also don't know how to cook either.

~

I always like the opposites attract my balancing each other out... Just like how Gun-woo and Woo-jin are for one example. I love these boys.

I might want bromance for my characters. At least for any characters, I just don't know which characters. I mean this generally speaking.

Well.. Maybe. Obviously Gun-woo used that metallic grates to protect himself from being stab, so that was almost like a shield to an extent.

But maybe Gun's just a fair fighter for the most part. Not that Jin isn't a fair fighter.. I don't blame Jin for using weapons to defend himself - especially in situations where they're outnumbered. But if Gun throws weapons away, not only would that mean less severe injures (like how they were stabbed). But it's a fair fight if you only use your hands too.

That's what I think about why Gun-woo throws weapons away.

~

Slack?

There are just only a few period series that I have enjoyed.. Like Black Sails, Peaky Blinders - definitely those shows. There may be more but I can't think of any at the moment. Maybe some period movies? But I only enjoyed some period shows and movies though. Not all the time.

My mind is scattered right now.

You can spoil me.. I'm not someone who would complain about being spoiled. Because I'm an impatient person anyway. So you can tell me.

there are some species of fully black carpenter bees, so it could be them. female xylocopa sonorina are dark coloured and can be found in america, females have stingers but are usually pretty docile. xylocopa micans and xylocopa californica are another couple species of dark coloured carpenter bees in america.

~

i imagine rocky and cobra would let the girl hold their arm/elbow while they walk, so she has something to steady herself on. masaki would probably think it’s cute (and i imagine he’s a lil clumsy himself); hiroto would pretend to be frustrated by it but secretly think it’s cute and watch out for her to make sure she doesn’t trip, always prepared to catch her. hyuga would be a lil meaner in his teasing (he means it playfully but he is kinda mean); murayama’s nicer/more funny about it. takeshi is watching her being clumsy and chuckling about it a bit, he’s trying to help her be less bumbling but it’s probably not going well. he probably doesn’t have to deal with a lot of clumsy people in nameless, what with all the free runners and parkour doers in rude.

~

they’re gonna eat out the entire buffet. definitely not going to be leftovers by the time they’re done. they’re piling their plates high and - even if it looks impossible for one person to finish - their totally clearing their dishes. they’re beefy, exercising boys, eating their body weight in food and working it off the next day.

i didn’t have much of an appetite before my medication and it just got worse after i started taking it. i used to only eat one or two meals a day. now i just eat because i have to, like ‘oh it’s x time, have to eat breakfast/lunch’ instead of actually eating because i’m hungry. it really annoys my parents for some reason idk why.

i know how to cook a little. nothing exemplary or amazing, but i’m decent enough. i cannot bake tho, i’m a horrible baker even with boxed cake mixes.

~

i don’t know who i’m shipping bi with yet. i was thinking both gun and jin, but i’m still tossing up ideas. da min and bi have a more sibling relationship, including the bickering; they’re a touch argumentative because they’re pretty different; also they have dirt on each other because they grew up together and went to the same high school.

i think jin is a little more defensive after getting stabbed, since being overwhelmed and unfocused the last time landed him in hospital and almost dead. i think it’s a little noticeable when he fought in beom on the ship, like comparing that fight to when he and gun fought him at the bookstore place.

~

slack. it’s an aussie slang thing, for being like ‘lazy’.

i’m more of a fan of fantasy stuff when it comes to period series. stuff situated more in real life i’m not a big fan of. idk. some stuff i’ll binge and other stuff i’ll just go ‘ehhh’ about and not watch.

not a whole lot to spoil in the first episode. lot of character set up. cop and his wife surprisingly didn’t have a lot of scenes. it was more the backstory of wi ha joon’s character. it was pretty entertaining thus far tho. lotta good fight scenes. wi ha joon looking fine as hell, he’s also got the villainous dead-behind-the-eyes thing downpat.

like every character smoked tho and i just …… please stop. i get it, it’s the mid-90s, but please. icky.

[posts-for-when-im-high]

Personal life post but ya girl was recently diagnosed with Covid for the first time and boy howdy it's an experience. My partner had bronchitis right before I started feeling sick so Naturally I assumed I was also getting bronchitis (what I wouldn't GIVE for bronchitis now, ough). The only thing that clued me in was when I started losing the ability to smell. As a person with very autistic tendencies (sensory-seeking!!! Specifically through smell and taste), this was incredibly depressing for me. On top of this, it is the WEIRDEST GODDAMN THING I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED.

I've seen a ton of posts about how Covid obviously sucks and is incredibly dangerous (really praying I don't end up having long-Covid from this) but no one I've read has ever tried to detail what it's like to be completely lacking two of your basic senses when you are used to having all of them. I hope this isn't ableist of me to try and document parts of my experience; obviously my temporary lacking sense of smell or taste is DRASTICALLY different and non-comparable to someone permanently lacking vision or hearing. It's so hard to even begin to put this experience into words. And I'm not getting all science-y here; I've looked into a few articles about why and how this happens during Covid and I'm not educated enough to describe it accurately here. But it really feels like my brain has completely forgot how to taste or smell.

I know what things taste like. I have very distinct foods and scents I'm drawn to. Very picky eater since birth, so having to eat food while only experiencing Texture™️ is super not fun. But NOTHING TASTES. OR SMELLS. I know what it SHOULD taste like!!! I know what it SHOULD smell like!! But my brain is simply not making the connection between these memories and my senses in the present moment! I've been lighting candles this whole quarantine because small fires bring me joy but I can't smell anything from them. Doesn't matter how strong the scent is or how long it's been burning for. I've been drinking lots of Gat*r*de to try and get plenty of fluids in my system. Which color? Doesn't matter!! Who cares?? I can't taste it anyway!! It's kind of like those weird m-berry pills that people take to flip sour and sweet flavors around in their mouths, but instead of creating the opposite of a flavor, it erases it entirely.

There are still sensations to eating though. Obviously food is still crunchy or soft, loud or quiet. But I still get sort of tingly feelings from mint (mouthwash, toothpaste, peppermint...) and some afterburn and heat sensations from spicy foods (ramen, hot sauce, salsa...) But there is just no FLAVOR from these foods. I dipped a tortilla chip in Goblin Sauce (thank u Nekrogoblikon) like it was a queso dip and didn't even flinch. I've been more experimental with foods these past few days than I've been in my entire life. No regard for flavor whatsoever. But this also makes it so SOUL-CRUSHING when I have foods that I know I enjoy. I'm at the very end of my Girl Scout Cookies for this year. Those aren't around all the time!!! You're telling me I'm not allowed to enjoy my goddamn Tagalongs in the VERY short time I have them for??? There is only ever the vaguest hint of a broad flavor, like Sweet or Salty, and nothing past that.

Not being able to smell perfume is also really strange. I have quite a decent perfume collection with some distinct notes I very much enjoy. Like the candles, regardless of how strong or noteworthy a perfume is to me, I get absolutely no smell from it. I could douse myself in an absolute cacophony of scent and never tell the difference if I was wearing no perfume at all. My lovely partner has realized that this means he can go outside to smoke without me and I won't complain to him that he reeks of weed!!! It's weird!! I can't even smell my cats! One of the best pleasures in life is being able to bury my entire face into my cats fur and inhale!!!! I'm mcfreakin losin it!!!!

[viktormaru]

Oh my god those are so specific Id love to hear your take on them as well pls if u'd like

I NEVER THGOUGHT of that but with you mentioning it... do u think he gets a little queasy getting into the Val aircrafts?? thats hilarious

Oh i dont know, Im not too well versed in the phoenix lore. Maybe he played the bass to have the chill vibe to his warm personality (haaa get it???)

I think holidays in general are celebrated only bcs some ppl (mainly raze with the help of breach and anyone else ropped in by her personality) just INSIST in making mini celebrations to keep up the morale (and bcs theyre fun). But Raze will also find out holidays others celebrate and try to organize events to that as well. The most chaotic culture exchange possible, where everything is kinda messy and accuracy is kind of there but what matters is just having a good time. And ppl are invited to join if they want to.

Oooh.. mmm. I think it'd mostly manifest in Killjoy avoiding the hell out of reyna as she'll throw nasty glares whenever she's in her field of view. I dont think Reyna would really like... act on her hatred specially given killjoy seems very young still. Doesnt mean she doesnt act a little petty or mean abt it, better keep KJ on her toes.

ahh its hard to think in general... I do think brim probably likes playing old (at least for valorant times) music in even older music players and he feels all cool and hip about it UAHSDUHAS but also embarrassed abt it in public. We also have Omen's knitting I suppose but thats basically canon.

My cursed brain instantly went "reyna with la chancla"

I'm not entirely sure what a cvs is... google tells me its a pharmacy of sorts?

UASDHDAS ooh gosh thats one I need to put some thought abt.... I am not an avid snack knower even though I DO have a specific time of the day allotted to my snack.... Just off the top of my head I can picture some agents more being more timely like chamber or skye or harbor who will basically eat the same thing at the right times (for chamber is mostly coffee paired with something while for skye its those healthier stuff from protein bars to fruits), while other agents are constantly munching on pastries or baked goods or whatever else like raze or gekko. Then the I Just Need My Coffee When The Need Hits gang like Viper or Kj or Fade. And last but not least the having snacks instead of meals (from reasons ranging from just bcs to forgetting to actually make a meal) which might fit Cypher and jett and others I need to think more abt.

People's digital portrait displays, and he changes the images in it just enough you wont notice it straight away, and keeps making minor changes until the original picture is unrecognizable. (Just because)

For some reason I feel like Omen is a bit picky with textures. For foods, for clothes, just in general. IDK why I just do, like, he barely gets to experience sensations at all, and then hes forced to experience it bad??? absolutely not. Cypher, as much as hes good at adapting probably gets a bit annoyed when his methods are messed with by ppl meaning to help but idk if that counts as being nitpicky.

OOOH thats a good one. They have cleaning bots (or they had maxbot....) so I assume the general cleaning is automated. I would assume each agent is responsible for the upkeep of their own living quarters though the bots are always there for access for that. Now the other types of upkeep.... hmm... I wonder how automated it is.... Maybe there is such a thing as a rotating chores thing that ppl can trade.... Much to think abt...

I would assume theres team training to practice tactics and to develop a well flowing combat dynamic in the field. Specially seeing they are against their doubles, I feel Brim would make them train against eachother's skills a lot to understand them better . And maybe some there are group trainings that arent exactly mandatory but do good to build morale and share some knowledge (sooort of like the impromptu training session in the warm up cinematic). Like, I can see some agents just scheduling some "join if you'd like" training for some specific stuff like hand to hand combat or using flashes properly. But agents are also allowed to just honed their skills alone or in private and are not discouraged from doing so.

He's the weird uncle she never had and never knew she needed (but would never say so outloud). Like, he's the one that comes over and teaches her bad things and then is like "oh but you cant do that though". I loved the dynamic you had in ur latest fic with killjoy actually having a lot to offer in the field of engineering so i think its something definitely mutually beneficial. Cypher has the wisdom and maturity for Killjoy's naïve ingenuity. Like... I think Cypher cant help it but let his parent instinct to its thing around kj, while kj is probably at least very curious abt what Cypher has to offer. Idk, its a fun little dynamic.

I think yes but hear me out... Killjoy sucks at romance. Like, clueless and awkward and very teen like. So when she catches on to whats going on I love to imagine her trying to sneakily give Cypher advice but its the most corny and silly things ever like "you should call Omen over to listen to a playlist" and other stuff of that caliber. But at least she is sweet and wholesome about it.

Thank you for the questions! I had fun writing and again, feel free to share ur ideas too!!!

Ask me about my silly little headcanons please i am starving

[counterspellthisyoucasual]

Been seeing a lot of shit about 'narcissists' on tiktok lately, framing them in a bad light and, whilst I have nothing against narcissists and I understand they're people just like us, the things they're describing on tiktok just seem like undiagnosed autistic people????

Take this one for example:

He starts with "I'm gonna butt into this conversation and make it about myself" and whilst that it something that can be annoying, neurodivergent people often engage and try to relate to conversation content by talking about themselves, we don't understand sometimes that it's rude.

Then it's the "sad story to tell" which is just the autistic thing of talking about certain things at apparently inappropriate times. I know it's something I personally have done a lot, almost exclusively for humour and I understand that sometimes it can genuinely be inappropriate so I'm working on that, but again, it's not because I think everything is about myself. I'm just trying to engage in the conversation and don't know how.

"Master of one-ups"? And we can just go back to the same point. Neurodivergent, and specifically autistic people try to engage in conversation and with other people by replying with something that relates back to us. If you feel like it's undermining you, ask us about it?? Ask we we do it, tell us what it feels like and more often than not, we'll attempt to find another way to communicate because I know that a lot of autistic people have a big fear of making people feel bad (from the autistic people I've met irl).

- side note, not everyone will find another way because that might take up too many spoons, but if they explain to you why they do that, it might stop feeling hurtful when you know that they are just trying to engage with and be friendly with you.

The next point is that they will "have a complaint about everything we order" and will complain that they "know a better spot" the entire time. Don't get me wrong, this can be a bit annoying, but autistic people are mostly notoriously picky eaters, mainly because of bad sensory experiences regarding mout texture, method of eating, temp difference, spicy stuff, and so on. So if you've taken them. Somewhere where every single food item is something they've not tried before, then they're gonna be a bit distressed because they don't know what food is a safe one to eat which is probably why the suggest another place.

Not because their palette is "more refined" than yours, they just know where to go where food is safe.

And this is something I've found can be applied to the apparent 'narcissistic parent abuse' thing, especially when it's neurodivergent kids on tiktok talking about it.

When I say this, that if you think you've suffered with this type of parent, I've no doubt that you struggled through your childhood and were emotionally/mentally abused and/or neglected. And what I am about to say doesn't at all excuse their behaviour, you can resent everything they've done as much as you want, but understanding why can be a bigger step towards healing.

I have seen many tiktoks and posts about these types of parents and I relate to every single one of them, but after spending a few years coming to understand my own autism, going through a traumatic experience with my mother, and evaluating a lot of my parental trauma at the same time, I can tell that many of the things she did were likely a result of undiagnosed neurodiversity, most likely autism and/or adhd because those two are both prevalent in our family.

Whilst sometimes I still do, I am in the process of trying to stop holding what she did against her, I know that she did and does love me an immense amount, she just struggles.

This is not to say we don't still get into massive arguments, and I don't absolutely despise her sometimes. But those moments pass and I no longer feel like I was unloved as a child, which is something I struggled with a lot, just that she was struggling to communicate with me as much as I was with her.

I'm not saying you have to forgive this parent, or even love them like I do mine, but at least try to get some perspective on it, and stop dragging narcissists through the mud, they don't deserve it, they're people like you and me.

Understand what has happened, resent them for it, sure, forgive them, don't forgive them, I don't care, but at least try and understand what happened but their perspective, look at their behaviours and see if you really think it was them being self-centred or simply just a lack of communication.