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kyberphilosopher · 4 years ago

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Androphobia

Requested? No Word Count: 7014

An Android attempts to offer comfort to someone with sleeping trouble.

Androphobia [an·drow·fow·bee·uh]; Fear of or aversion to men. A related concept is misandry, the hatred of men, but not necessarily fear of them.

* ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ *

Every woman or female born member of society has experienced an off putting encounter with a man.

This is not to be entirely blamed on men- not as a whole, no. But individuals, the ones you run into on your way out of the grocery store, the ones who stop you on the streets, they are the ones to blame. Some women have the guts to tell them off. Not an easy task with the given anxiety, but one to take pride in for the capability that comes with it. Some women stay quiet, rush away as fast as their polite feet can take them and hope someone will see the problem. They usually don’t. And some women are outliers, tricking their ways out of interactions with these men one way or another, and to them I take my hat off.

There are men who are easily construed as monsters, when in the dead of night their silhouettes flash beneath the tallest of streetlights. And there is no reason to not believe them as such right then and there, for as spoken by our Lady Galadriel, “the hearts of men are easily corrupted.” And any look into statistics will back up this fear, any personal experience, any hug that’s gone on just a bit too suspiciously long, any catching of those wandering eyes and it’s easy to feel in your heart that men are not to be trusted. They are not to be confronted, nor left alone with, and they will jump at the opportunity to put down anyone for the validation of other men.

This is the reality of women and men in 2021. It is the same for several in 2039.

* ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ *

You step out of your old, dusty car. Chips of the dark red paint flake away as the raindrops hit it. Above you, the gloomy, warm gray clouds roll against each other in different shades and sizes, high above the skyscrapers and the stress of the world.

Gathering your belongings for the day, you shut the door with your hip and shoulder everything. Then you make your way towards the Police Department, your work, with the heels of your shoes scuffing against the parking lot.

Across the way, you can see Detective Reid, who rubs his brow while he does his usual slamming of the car door. There’s no point in looking for Hank at this ungodly hour, he’d never be in on time. He’ll probably park his car next to yours as usual- a little too close so it’s hard to squeeze into your own and pull out without causing his vehicle damage, but you never say anything. Not because you are one of the people who feel threatened by Hank as a man- It’s more because you trust Hank as a person, that you’d never bring up the obvious annoyances he places upon you and everyone else. Though, once you had tried.

(“Cars parked a little close, don’t you think?”

“Shut the hell up.”)

The inside of the Department is bustling. A female Android brushes past you briskly, the others at the front desk all seemingly click clacking away in their own brains. Even months after they’ve gained independence, it’s not uncommon for you to remember how they were before. How still and lifeless they were. And looking back on it, it was awfully sad. They seem busier now, more alive and fast. A strange image, in your mind, but not an unwelcomed one.

You reach your desk in the lobby, on the right side of the room slightly separated from the officers. You’re a psychologist, so it’s not plausible for you to be seated next to bias. Instead you’re in your own corner, with a rather cluttered desk on the top and empty rows of drawers. You do, however, keep a small japanese cherry blossom tree on the top, courtesy of Hank, though his has all but fully withered at this point.

And then you’re ready to start your day. Pull out your chair, click your pen and type away reports and notes on the computer to send to the detectives. You don’t have any meetings scheduled today, so there’ll be no need to prepare questions or anything of the sort. Just an easy day.

And then...

As you and I, the dear reader, have already discussed, finding men to be generally scary is an easy task. And even though you are smart enough to know that it’s simply not possible to truly believe that every man or male presenting individual is terrible, or has done terrible things, or has experienced the desire to do something terrible, there are times where you can’t help the cautiousness. You can’t help the flinch, the distrust, the physical distance, the hand in your pocket grasping for anything to use in self defense. Seeing men like Detective Reid in power, brutish and given guns and easily agitated, certainly doesn’t help.

So when you swish your chair around and come to a stand, your heart drops. You’re looking into the presence of someone tall, with broad shoulders and a strong chest. A man.

[Sort of.]

“Good morning, Doctor L/N.”

“Connor,” you breathe out, eyes flitting down as you attempt to quiet the thump thump thumping of your heart in your throat. “I- I didn’t-”

“Your heart race has increased. You appear stressed, Doctor L/N.”

He cocks his robotic head to the side, his eyebrows creasing as the literal gears in his head turn.

“You just startled me,” you admit, grabbing the back of your chair and moving it over as an excuse to create a bit of distance between you and the [possible] threatening force. “What is it, Connor?”

Now, for context, you and he were not considered close. You’ve spoken a few times, though never as friends, only friendly. You remember seeing him last Winter, when he would stand out in the snow outside the station, just gazing up after Hank had already returned to his own home. You remembered how he was different from the other Androids, besides being more advanced to begin with. You’d never said anything about that. It was obvious the only person it would’ve really mattered to, Hank, was already aware of this. And Hank liked Connor. There was no point in interfering.

In Connor’s eyes, you could really do no wrong. You were smart, intelligent, and diligent in your work. Your job had been threatened by the presence of Androids for years by the time Connor had showed up, but it still appeared that they wouldn’t have done your legacy justice. But despite this, interactions were scarce. You were not friends. You were friendly. And you were always on your guard.

“I was hoping to hear your thoughts on a case Lieutenant Anderson and I have been working on,” Connor tells you. He’s always made efforts to keep eye contact with people, and the tilt of his head tries to follow your eyeline to do so. But it’s never to any avail. “I apologize for the abruptness, but the thought only occured to me last night and I think it could be a good one.”

“Yeah, sure,” you answer. “I can help with that. I’ll get the details from Hank when he comes in.”

“No need,” the Android quickly assures you. When you look up to him for a brief second, you can see his tongue sway against his bottom lip, creating the softest of imprints. His dark eyes glitter like a beatles in the catch from the light above.

He produces a light, manilla colored folder lined inside with papers. “I hope you’ll find all the details you need here,” he explains, offering the file to you.

You take it after a moment, watching his thumb let go in the softest, most normal way possible.

“Thank you, Doctor L/N,” Connor smiles. “I’ll go get you your morning coffee.”

Connor is like a dog in that way. Not in an insulting way, or an obedient way. In a kind way, in a warm way. With his chocolate eyes and the dimples when he smiles, it’s hard not to want to just believe that he is incapable of hurting anyone or anything. Especially a woman.

But when you snap back to reality, you can see his male form. His set back shoulders, the robotic strength, the fact that he was programmed to execute any task he so desires. And then you’re right back on edge, wanting to step back from him until you’re sure you can take a full breath.

It’s easier when he’s taken himself away. You can see him through the glass walls in the kitchen, waiting for the pot to heat up. Doesn’t seem so bad from far away, like most of them do.

You return to the chair and open the file. At first, your eyes flit to the pictures attached at the top- one of a woman that looks so familiar, another of a man whose angry brows cover his eyes. Then they move to the written report, and something clicks.

The woman in the picture was an acquaintance from college. The man next to her was the main suspect, and apparently her lover.

* ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ *

“Morning Doc,” Hank waves tiredly. Then his tone changes slightly. “The fuck are ya doing at my desk for?”

You push yourself from your lean on the edge of his property anxiously. “I read the report on your case. The Carla Rodriguez one.”

Hank sighs in his classic sigh, tired and grumpy from the morning and being alive. “What about it?” he questions, rummaging through his large bag of prescription pill bottles he’s brought with him every day this year. You suspect Connor has something to do with this.

“I had a... personal relationship with the victim,” you begin, crossing your arms. “I knew her.”

Hank looks at you, bewildered. “You were sleeping with my victim?”

“What? No. What? I- anyway. Carla and I were in college together.”

Hank’s face changes. He leans back with high raised brows in the way he does when processing something.

“The boyfriend did it. I remember him from back then, I think. Real angry guy.”

“You’re sure you know what you’re talkin about?” Hank questions you, though not in an insulting way. You know it’s anything but that.

“I’m sure. I can tell you what you need but you know I can’t testify. You won’t be able to use my bias in your report.”

“But the bias is the whole point.”

Your eyebrows shoot up, along with your shoulders. It’s the universal symbol for ‘I don’t know what to tell you’.

“You talked to Connor about this?”

“Well, no. I- he wanted my opinion but I didn’t tell him this part.”

Hank glances around. “Where's he at anyway?”

You shrug again. You’re thinking about the disposable coffee cup on your desk, left there by Connor a few hours ago, that you’d never brought yourself to touch.

“Run it by the Android before we do anything,” Hank advises you. “Nutjob’s got this whole system in his head.”

“Yeah,” you mutter as Hank seats himself. “That guy’s weird.”

“Tellin’ me?” Hank groans.

And the rest of the morning you spend avoiding Connor, thinking at your desk, barely doing your job while you let yourself get lost in thought. You’re not usually like this. You’re very professional at work- you love this job. The thrill, the learning about criminals and their rehabilitation- it makes you feel so tranquil. Complete, even.

But knowing a victim, knowing the perpetrator, still adapting to the change of Androids looking happy for once, knowing Hank pretends you’re the child he lost- it... it...

You snap your drawer shut.

What’s wrong with you today?

You huff out dry air. When you turn ever so slightly, you can see Hank at his desk, eyes already on you with concerned and empathetic brows. Seeing him calms you down a little, at least makes you feel more in the real moment. After a moment, you turn back straight. Then you smooth back your hair, and open a your file again.

“Doctor L/N?”

You look up slowly, recognizing the boyish, sturdy voice of Connor. Sure enough, there he is. Tall, looking down at you with his warm, brown eyes. They remind you of an excited, loyal dog. Yeah, you think, Connor seems like a dog person.

And then you catch the sharpness of how broad his shoulders are, how little effort it would take for him to kill you, or pin you down, or come at you in the dark.

“Can I speak with you candidly, Doctor L/N?”

“You...may,” you say slowly. Connor begins to squat, until he is level with your eyeline, though he’s over on the other side of your desk. From your view, your cherry blossoms pink petals stand out against the paleness of his skin, and then the darkness of his hair.

“I heard what you said earlier to the Lieutenant,” he begins.

Truthfully, your eyes flicker around his face, mostly between his lips and his nose and his eyes. They’re all so realistic. Well, obviously that was the point in his creation, but still. They’re so human. Connor is human. Even the way he seems to move his mouth, like his lips are just a little dry, is human. Such a strange detail. Perhaps you would never have noticed it if he hadn’t gotten this close.

“When?” you question.

“About 3 hours ago, about the file I gave you.”

Your eyes snap away. Connor’s own eyes follow your movement.

“I know that this must be difficult for you-”

“Connor,” you sigh, slightly exasperated, but still holding it together. Your eyes close like you can’t bear to look at anything in the present moment right now. You must be trying to pretend that you’re somewhere else. “I’ll be alright. This was in my job description.”

The Android’s eyebrows knit for a split second, confused. “Overseeing the psychology behind your friends death was in your job description?”

And it’s a genuine question from him. That’s what makes it so hard to contain your laughter, no matter how frustrated or overwhelmed you are right now.

“Yeah,” you finally muster with a light chuckle. “Apparently.” Then you’re back to business. “This is my job. I’ll be alright. Thank you for your concern.”

“I just considered that, since you’ve been on the news before, the suspect could know that you’re involved.”

“So?” you ask, slightly more snappy than intended.

“He may know you’re here and subsequently attempt to cause you harm.”

There are two conflicting sides in your brain right now. The first one says: Now think about this. How could he harm you in a place full of cops? It’s not like he knows where you live or anything. How could he even find that out? When they bring him in, he’ll be in custody the whole time. Gavin won’t let him out of those handcuffs. Everything will be just fine.

And the other part? It shows you a dark, masculine figure, looming over you. Police department or not, he is there. He will cause you grief and harm, do something so terrible to you you could not even fully imagine it enough to anticipate yourself.

And, despite your better judgement, and to your full awareness, you listen to the second half.

“Okay, so,” you breathe out. “So what are you saying?”

Connor’s eyes draw to his left in a stutter, his mouth parting as if he’s in consideration. “The Lieutenant and I had talked about... having you stay in a... safer place.”

Your eyebrows pinch together. “What do you mean by that?”

Connor looks so human in this moment. it’s so apparent, and piercing in this exact second. The details in his eyes, slightest of blemishes on his cheekbones.

Connor leans in, his eyebrows raising. Subconsciously, you lean back ever so slightly in response.

“We were thinking of taking you to the Lieutenants place.” He sees your eyes widen, getting ready to give a vocal response. “It’s a very safe place,” Connor promises. “I can assure you there are many rooms to your liking.”

You take a minute, looking the Android right in his warm, hopeful, perfectly symmetrical eyes. “Connor, I’m not interested in having this discussion right now.”

“It’s just-”

“Back off,” you snap. It’s assertive. Something you don’t usually do towards masculine presenting beings.

As soon as you say it, you regret it, however. The person across from you just looks so heartbroken, almost. His big brown eyes, the ones that remind you of a loyal dog, are looking right at you. How could you not feel bad for snapping at Connor? Sweet Connor, who doesn’t take pleasure in hurting people no matter how much you convince yourself he does.

* ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ *

The Carla Rodriguez murder case went on for two more days. Her boyfriend, unfortunately, was not yet found. Hank was working on obtaining a warrant based on your instincts that would give him access to search family members houses for the man. Things were becoming focused.

Each night you went home, you struggled to sleep. You did in fact, find out that Connor may have been onto something when he suggested the consideration of safety. You indeed stayed up later than usual, using both locks on your dirty apartment door for once. It was hard to fall asleep. Whenever you did, it became all too easy for you to imagine a solid, big, broad shouldered figure standing over the foot of your bed, waiting to strike.

A man, as usual.

Ironically, you did feel better when Hank- a man- would come into the station. And then there was Connor, who was somewhere between a puppy and a wolf, half following Hank, half fully capable of loading and discharging a gun. Connor made you feel safe too, but only by association. It felt bad to think about him after the snapping that occurred Thursday, but it could’ve made you feel worse to act unprofessionally in the work place. It was best you try to forget it, and try to forget that Connor has unlimited and invincible memory.

On Sunday, you and Hank had your weekly scheduled lunch. Nothing fancy, just fast food from a food truck by the train tracks. You’ll both probably get burgers, except Hank will try to add lettuce and some vegan bullshit to convince you he’s sticking to his diet. Of course he will.

You throw the keys to your locker in the backroom into your desk drawer, and slip it closed. Across the floor, Hank is already ahead of you, tugging on his crappy jacket and somehow standing patiently and grumpily at the same time.

“Ready to go?” you ask as you approach him, your own jacket in hand.

“Yeah, just waitin’ for the kid,” Hank replies casually.

“The kid?”

“I’m ready to go, Lieutenant,” the enthusiastic voice of Connor rings out. He has one of those voices where you can tell when he’s happy and smiling too, and he is in this very moment.

Nobody ever joins you and Hank. You knew Hank had taken Connor to the truck before, but that was just between them, and this was just between you. An odd decision on Hank’s part to make such a change.

“Alright,” Hank calls back. Then he turns to you, the smallest of knowing grins on his face. “Ready when you are, Doctor.”

You just nod your head and start walking out to Hank’s car, unsure of what to do think. In the end, you decide to just not think at all.

“What are you doing this for?” you’d ask Hank as you were walking, when the Android known as Connor was out of earshot.

“What? You got a problem with Connor?” You shake your head no. “Well good. Because besides bein’ a freak he’s perfectly fine.”

Yep. Thanks, Hank.

The drive over is silent, besides Hank’s music. You like his taste, but it doesn’t make you feel less tense around Connor. On the other hand, Connor is completely oblivious of said tension. You can see him in the rearview mirror, smiling and looking out the window every now and again.

Once arriving to the scene, Connor gets out first. You click your seatbelt away, about to pull the handle open when you notice Hank hasn’t moved at all.

“You coming?”

“Mm,” Hank fake thinks, flipping through his cd cases. “Nah.”

“Well then... well then are you even hungry?”

“I got food back at the office,” he sighs, not even looking up at you. “Indian from last night. Gonna wreak havoc on the ol’ plumbing.”

“Then what did you bring me here for?” you question finally, developing a tension headache from how often you’ve been knitting your brows together lately.

Hank looks up and over, an almost offended expression on his face. You can see it in his wide old eyes, the angry eyebrows, the slightly opened mouth.

“Because I’m trying to create a warm and loving social circle.”

“You one time told me die because I ate your jar of pickles!” you cry. “Oh my god- Hank, is this about me and Connor? Is that it? You want us to get along?”

“Yeah, and what if I do?” Hank turns to you fully, putting an angry hand on the steering wheel to clutch something.

“It doesn’t matter!” you exclaim. “It literally doesn’t matter at all!”

Hank is quiet. You can see his beady, angry eyes on you, his jaw clenching. “Get the fuck outta my car,” he says at last.

“Gladly,” you mutter. You open the door and slam it closed.

Looking across the wet, rainy street, you can see Connor looking up at the sign of the food truck known as Chicken Feed innocently. You breathe out, feeling the heat from the previous ‘discussion’ beginning to melt away.

Okay, Y/N, you tell yourself. Just go talk to him.

You begin your walk across the street, hearing the light tapping of the rain hitting the asphalt all around you. His back is getting closer and closer. You still have a chance to turn around.

“Hey, Connor,” you say lightly.

“Hello, Doctor L/N,” Connor greets in return warmly.

“Whatcha... thinking about eating, there?” you ask, both of you knowing damn well Androids can’t eat.

“I’m not sure,” he admits. Then he shrugs, and very genuinely says, “I guess I could have some french fries.”

“Alright. I’ll get you some.”

And you do. And you feel so stupid while ordering it. The guy in charge, Gary, looks at you with an ‘are you sure?’ expression on his face, but you only continue with the order, confirming that, yes, you are sure. Then you and Connor sit next to each other in silence, waiting for your food to be ready. You pretend to be very interested in a stain on one of the back menus for about three straight minutes.

“Here you go,” Gary hands you the food. You take the bags and speed off immediately to an umbrella by the place. Even though you’re essentially powerwalking at about 6 miles per hour, it doesn’t feel fast enough in the moment. Connor is right there beside you the whole time.

“Here’s your fries,” you mutter, pushing the bowl towards him.

“Thank you,” he says, formally. Then Connor just stares down into the bowl.

“I appreciate you paying for this meal, Doctor L/N,” Connor decides to say after another moment. When you look up, you can see he’s leaning down ever so slightly so that he’s closer to your height, and making pretty sturdy eye contact. It’s moments like this that you think you’re talking to Connor’s social programming, and probably not him naturally.

“You don’t have to call me Doctor, Connor,” you breathe. “We’re not at work right now.”

“I apologize. How would you like me to address you then?”

“Well... how would you like to address me?”

Connor thinks for a moment. You can tell because his led is switching between yellow and white. Then the beginning of his eyebrows start twitching, along with the corners of his mouth, just like a human would when they have several thoughts on the tip of their tongue but none of them seem just right. It’s cute when he does it.

“You can just call me Y/N,” you rush out in an attempt to save Connor from quite possibly exploding.

He does the twitching once more, then looks up to the top of the umbrella without moving his head. “And, is this outside of the workplace or in it as well?”

“What would you prefer?”

His led goes yellow again. He looks back to you. “That depends whether or not you consider us friends, Doctor L/N.”

This takes you back. You’re silent, stunned, looking at him with slightly widened eyes for a few seconds- maybe a whole minute- before you make the decision to look at your burger and change the subject.

“How’s been adjusting to life as a free man?” you ask, unwrapping the foil from your warm food.

Connor adapts to the subject change after a few seconds, and you know that he’s seen right through you. “It’s strange,” he tells you, deep in thought, but sincere. “But, people seem happy.”

“Are you happy?” you prompt further, biting a big bite into the meat.

Connor thinks again. He thinks a lot. “Yes,” he decides. “I suppose I feel alive,” he admits. It sounds like a confession, and when he turns his head to look over to you, he sees your eyes are already on him. “Are you happy?”

“Am I happy?” you repeat in question. “I... guess I am, overall.”

“Do you enjoy working as a criminal and forensic expert?”

Now it’s your turn to think. You swallow down your bite. “Yeah, I think so. It’s what I’ve wanted for a long time. And now I have it, and I’m comfortable and all. So yes... And you? As a detective?” You bite into the burger again.

“Well, it is what I was created for,” Connor tells you, with an almost charismatic, joking tone. It looks like he’s smiling a little, too. Cute. “I think so. Working with Lieutenant Anderson has gotten better.”

“God, I remember when you first came in,” you roll your eyes. “Hank was all in a mood. One of the grouchiest days for him. But he likes you now.”

Connor watches you pull the burger away from your face. He’s thinking again, but also admiring your features from up close. He doesn’t usually get to do this with you. The proof is in the lack of response to the ‘would you consider us friends?’ question.

“You know,” Connor says, and you can hear the sincerity in his voice for the millionth time. “I really admire how talented you are in your line of work.”

You feel heat in not just your cheeks, but in the rest of your face as well, as if you have a very sudden fever. You decide to keep your face down, trying to naturally make it not look like you’re using your burger as a shield. “Thank you,” you respond.

The heat begins to subside, so you look back up to him. “I admire your...” and you can’t finish the sentence. Not because you can’t think of anything to admire. You know you had a good one in mind to say to him. But when you look up at his boyish face, with the innocent smile and the comforting eyes and the most human details in his skin, you lose your train of thought.

It seems too late and rude to continue by the time you regain it, so you just decide to leave it and eat your burger as quickly as possible.

“Are you done with your fries?” you ask, as Connor looks down at the untouched basket.

“Yes, thank you.”

You don’t even look into the waste of 2 dollars as you speed walk to the trash can and dump it full of everything. Then you hop across the street, Connor right behind you.

Getting back into Hank’s car makes you roll your eyes. It’s not that you’re mad with Connor anymore so much- not that you would describe the feeling as mad in the first place. You’re not even sure you’re ‘mad’ at Hank so much anymore. It’s more like you’re in the area that you previously had a yelling match in, so all that energy is still there. So stupid.

“Hey, you two,” Hank greets, though to you it sounds condescending.

“Hello,” Connor chirps back.

You just shoot Hank a glare.

“How was lunch?” The old man prompts, holding your eye contact knowingly the entire time.

“It was fine,” you tell him.

“Fine?”

“Yeah,” you practically seethe. “Just fine.”

* ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ *

You stay in your house for another two days. Sleeping has become far more difficult, though you’d never openly admit it. Hank can see it in your face. There’s dark circles under your eyes, far more noticeable than before. Your eyes are dragging themselves down, along with the rest of your body which seems to be in a constant slump.

You’re like a zombie. You’re just carrying yourself around, mindlessly doing your tasks while you try not to nod off at work. Hank hasn’t said anything. He just watches you from afar, not knowing how to apologize because he’s never been able to pull himself into one.

Connor hasn’t said anything either. Hank’s pet has continued his daily routines around the precinct, going where he’s told and sitting on the other side of the older man. You haven’t been observing them much lately. Been a bit too preoccupied with the threat of sleep paralysis to do anything that you find matters in a social sense.

Carla’s case is still open. Her boyfriend is still out there, watching and waiting. Maybe for you. Maybe for some other innocent woman. You keep picturing him towering over you, his shoulders looming, strong jaw twitching with anger. Those masculine brows, defined with the intent to strike at you. Kill you, like your old friend.

Finally, on the fourth day of little to know sleep, you fell asleep at your desk. Completely zonked out, your head slumped against the surface, squishing your cheek in the process. Connor jumped up from his seat, Hank following shortly after. But there was no threat, you were simply resting. Once the two realized this, they calmed a little. Hank opted to send Connor over to you to check you out, crossing his arms as he got ready to observe.

The Android creeps over. Your breathing is steady. So is your heartrate. You’re not in shock or anything at all. You’re not even hurt.

“Y/N?” he prompts lightly, now crouched to be close enough to your ear so he can whisper. His chocolate eyes glance around the precinct, looking for anyone who might have noticed you to try and save you some embarrassment. Then he glances towards the Captain in his office, and he knows he has to hurry himself so you don’t get caught and reprimanded.

“Doctor L/N?”

No response. Connor looks back at Hank, who shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly with little help.

“Doctor L/N, you have to wake up,” he tells you, poking the back of your slumped shoulder.

You were asleep, yes, but apparently not very deeply. You stir from your slumber, raising your head and your mousy appearance to look over at Connor with confused eyes.

“What happened?” you strain, stretching. Connor detects a bit of drool on the corner of your lips.

“You fell asleep at work,” Connor explains slowly.

“I did?” you squint, obviously still out of it.

“You have... drool on your lips.”

You wipe the left corner. “The other side,” Connor gestures lightly to his own lips. “Yes. You got it.”

“Was I out for long?” you look around, adjusting to the so very bright lights of the building.

“No,” Connor answers in that sweet, sweet voice of his. “Maybe a minute, or two.��

“Oh,” you say, your eyes wandering around.

* ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ *

That night, it rains.

Thunder echoes, with ripples of light from the lightning that bears across the sky like great claw hands.

You watch the view out your window from the middle of your bed for a long time. You’re curled up in a ball on the blankets, not even under them. You’re just there, watching the sky that reflects in your eyes.

A sudden stir in you gives you a change of heart. Something you can’t explain to the fullest extent, something not even I, the one in charge of relaying all that’s happening to you, could explain the exact feeling. It’s like the snapping of a rubber band at 2:15 in the morning.

You can’t stay in this apartment anymore. Not even two locks are enough to protect you. Not your kitchen knives, or the gun given to you from the department for self defense. None of it seems like enough, because all of those things are used after something happens. They don’t prevent it.

You’re in a hurry. The comfiest pajamas you own are soaked in the salty rain water and protected only by the simplest of winter coats you own. It’s nice, though not appropriate for the current weather of course. Your hair gets drenched fast. Every individual drip that falls from the tip of your nose is felt, like you’re more hyperaware than usual.

Now you’ve arrived at a house. A one story, fairly inexpensive home with a garage and recognizable old car out front. As you approach, you can already hear the barking of a dog, see a neighbor turn their lights on briefly to observe you, and feel the shivering of your knuckles as they tap on the door sporadically.

Come on, Hank, you think. Please protect me. Please do this for me.

And, believe me, Hank Anderson would’ve done it had he been awake. But he hadn’t been, and so he didn’t answer the door. Instead, the door swings open, and inside you see an Android.

A tall one, with soft facial features. He has long, dark eyelashes framing dark eyes, surrounded by dark hair. He’s clean and clear cut, very put together. It’s Connor, Hank’s pet that you’ve never been able to get the hang of knowing. And he’s as shocked as you are.

Your drenched hair, shivering body, distant look in your eyes. Though, Connor’s unsure of how he would appear if he had to show up to anyone’s house at 2:34am. Probably unwell. Probably a little bit like you.

“Doctor L/N,” he says, though it seems mostly to himself. His parched lips barely move, though you notice how pink they look in comparison to everything else right now.

“Can I come in?”

Connor is still for a few seconds, obviously still processing your appearance. For what, you don’t know. Must’ve been one of the few things he’s simply unable to calculate. But then he moves himself to the side, and you carry yourself in.

As soon as the door closes behind you, everything is so much warmer. You haven’t been to Hank’s place in months, but it still feels as homey as it did before. It’s cleaner than it was a year ago. There’s more pictures on the walls, more clutter lining the shelves. He’s starting to care about things again. That’s good.

“What are you doing here?” you suddenly ask, turning around to face Connor.

That’s right- what is he doing here? He and Hank couldn’t be living together, could they? Or is... or is it that Hank is pretending Connor is someone else, too?

Connor’s led goes yellow, then blue, then back to yellow. “Lieutenant Anderson has offered me a place to stay until I’m ready to go on myself,” he explains, though the way it looks at you makes it seem like Connor doesn’t want to tell you this. Like he feels the need to explain himself.

“Are you alright, Y/N?”

You wipe your face, smearing your leftover makeup from your eye with the rain water. It burns, but you can’t feel it over the cold. “I uh- um... I’ve been having trouble- trouble sleeping.”

Connor’s lips close, and he looks at you in understanding as you stand there, now feeling your own pressure of having to explain yourself.

“Just like... at my place I can’t- can’t sleep. Not a lot of it.”

Connor knows he shouldn’t, but it’s right there on the very tip of his tongue. It’s so close to just spilling out, until finally it does, all at once. He’s too curious to try and stop it. “Why?”

“I just- I can’t-”

You’re looking everywhere. The floor, the wall, covering your eyes with your arm or your hand, shifting back and forth between feet, making a soggy spot on the floor from your dripping clothes.

“Can’t sleep.”

When you look up to Connor again, you feel better. Still panicked, but like you’re not in trouble. His eyes are so soft. They’re so human, and comforting. He looks at you like he understands, and like he’s not upset. You can see why Hank would pretend he is who he is now. But there’s no one for you to pretend who Connor is. He’s just Connor. And he’s better than you.

* ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ *

Connor lets you wear one of his sets of identical clothes. It’s a grey t-shirt and blue pajama pants. Your hair is still wet, but Connor doesn’t say anything. He lets you sit on the couch and watch one of Hank’s basketball recordings while he goes to make tea.

He brings it to you and sets it down on the coffee table in front, but like days ago, you can’t bring yourself to touch it. Connor’s made himself a cup too, but doesn’t drink it. It’s deadly silent, the only light coming from the faint glow of the tv, the only sound coming from the biases of those annoying sports commentators.

“Connor?” you whisper hoarsely, turning your body to face him.

He looks over at you, at full attention. Such a soft boy.

“Do you think I’m afraid of anything?”

Connor’s led goes yellow. It flickers in circles until finally he says, “What do you mean, Y/N?”

You look down at your hands. “W-when I try to sleep, I see someone,” you say, not bearing to look at anyone from that gender for a moment. “He never leaves me alone. I feel like I- like I’m seeing this thing everywhere. I can’t avoid it. It won’t leave me alone.”

“What is it?” Connor prods gently, leaning in in that innocent, but curious way he does.

You open your mouth like you’re going to answer, but then your mouth goes dry. Instead, you just shrug your shoulders in a weak attempt of lying.

“Um... why are you still awake?” you ask instead.

“Androids don’t need to sleep,” Connor explains to you. “We just power down to conserve energy, but I don’t need as much as others.”

A light puff of air escapes your nose in time with the flickering of the corners of your lips. “Sounds like you’re bragging,” you tease for a second.

Then it goes quiet.

“I don’t think you’re scared of anything,” you hear Connor’s voice say clearly. “At least, not that I’ve seen. You’re very diligent in your work.”

You take the compliment. It warms your chest for a moment, but the pit inside you is not so easily gotten rid of.

Your nails scrape against each other, breaking while you pick at one of your index fingers. “I think I have like... this fear of men. Fear of something.”

Connor’s led goes yellow.

“Androphobia, also known as the fear of male presences, affects nearly one third of the current female population.”

Connor watches you continue to pick at your nails. The memory of you standing at the door step, shivering like a kitten, drowning in the rain water stays on his mind. “Is this what you think you have, Y/N?” he asks, though this time it’s far more soft.

It sounds like he really cares.

You look up to him, your eyes glossing over from stress and the incoming wave of tears you can feel in the back of your throat.

“I can assure you, Doctor L/N, you are safe here,” Connor continues, holding eye contact as he speaks. “I won’t let any kind of harm get to you.”

The tears in your eyes seem less violent now. Like they’re disappearing already. And that’s how the story ends, in fact. With you, looking up at Connor, seated on Hank’s couch with your hair dripping around you- him promising not to hurt you. It ends on the silence that follows, right between the stare the two of you share.

* ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ *

This is the first thing I’ve proof read. Also one of the longest things I’ve written somehow? It was fun. I apologize for any mistakes as English is not my first language.

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mizutori-heiko · 3 years ago

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Mizutori’s bakudeku fanfiction master list [complete works]

Really really good writing by these incredible authors. In no particular order! These are all Top!Bakugou and Bottom!Deku. If A/B/O dynamics then it’s Alpha!Bakugou and Omega!Deku. Yes, I have preferences.

Canon World – until 15k

What The Fuck Did You Just Call Me? by reading_raindrop | 8,303 | Izuku starts calling him Bakugou and it pisses the explosive teen off a lot more than he thought it would.

Oh right, you were a little sh*t by SaysiWrites | 5,653 | When Midoriya Izuku gets hit by an age-reversion Quirk, the last thing anyone expected to find out is that Toddler-Izuku is a little shit. Except for one Bakugou Katsuki, who has seen this phase one too many times already. (Bonus+ the entire Little Sh*t (Kidfic) series)

Do Not Disturb by surveycorpsjean | 10,010 | Apply enough force, and something is bound to break.

And Atlas fell by supercrunch | 15,185 | They move in together, after a while. Katsuki joins Best Jeanist and Izuku trains under Gran Torino. They still take comfort in each other every day, curl up in bed and kiss and talk about how life is going. Their live are tumultuous, after all, what with villains and training and rescuing people every week. It’s nice to have something certain. At the end of a day filled with violence and adrenaline, Izuku knows he can come home to someone concrete. It’s perfect. Being a hero is scary and grueling and uncertain, but this part is just right. And then, one day, a child dies in Izuku’s arms.

be loved by bonnia | 5,403 | The kidnapping incident leaves bakugou traumatised about being touched on the back of his neck, and midoriya decides to take matters into his own hands.

Big Protein by Mysecretfanmoments | 13,683 | Bakugou Katsuki has a thriving hero career, an agent to manage his famous attitude, and absolutely zero romantic interest in anyone. With the exception of his favourite health food joint refusing to expand to his city, his life is pretty damn perfect—so why does a viral video revealing Deku's stash of dirty mags involving him and Deku together turn everything upside-down?

Chocolate cake and resin preserved flowers by Anoksun | 11,396 | Izuku loses his memories. Katsuki struggles not to lose Izuku too.

Twin Stars by theperksofbeinglarissa | 8,435 | When Deku saves a woman's life, her quirk is accidentally activated. Her quirk? She reveals a person's soulmate. A star-shaped mark appears on Midoriya's left arm... and on Bakugou's as well. Kirishima is the only one who knows that Bakugou is Midoriya's soulmate, and Bakugou isn't taking the news very well. Can the twin stars of class 1-A work out their differences and find their happy ending?

Unhealthy Fixations by Thesis | 12,522 | Izuku is an adult who knows better than to crush on his childhood bully. AND YET.

Like the Moon by osakakitty | 14,781 | Katsuki Bakugo is having constant, erotic dreams about Izuku Midoriya. He isn’t sure why, but they won’t go away. In order to make them stop, he needs to figure out what Izuku Midoriya means to him.

Worth a Second Shot by cinnabee | 13,080 | Katsuki and Izuku celebrate registering as a Hero Duo together with a big party. What could go wrong?

Like Something Out of A Shoujo Manga by Merrywetherweather | 2,971 | Deku ends up in a rather interesting quirk accident, one that triggers flag events as if he were the protagonist of an otome game.

Canon World – 15k++

Blood Moon by lalazee | 94,860 | The Thank-Fuck-We-Aren’t-Dead Sex had started then, and had never really stopped. Then came the feelings and the fights. The ego, the pride, the jealousy. And then there was Us.

The Way You Used To Do by edema_ruh | 669,463 | During a battle, Midoriya gets hit by a villain whose quirk detaches his soul from his body. Stuck in a ghost-like state, the boy enters a race against time in order to save himself from permanently dying. Much to his luck - or lack of it -, the only person who can see and talk to him in this state is no one other than Kacchan.

Just Like Breathing by MD_Daydreamer | 35,423 | Izuku got engaged. He didn't mind. If that made Uraraka happy, he could do it. He thought his life wouldn't change much.But then, Kacchan went to live in the USA.

briar roses (and hundred years of sleep) by vannral | 15,951 | In which Izuku is hit by a ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Quirk, Class 3-A tries to find his True Love and get them to kiss him, and Katsuki’s very angry about it all.

"what's your type?" by sapphicflower | 20,192 | In order to increase their popularity rankings as up and coming pro heroes, Izuku and Katsuki participate in the most popular late night talk show for hero duos - ‘Heroes Rising!’. They’re killing it, obviously, because they know each other from inside and out. Until one question stumps the two of them: “What is your hero partner’s type?”

and it was Just Right by cinnabee | 23,759 | Katsuki spends two years post-graduation in a furious one-sided competition with his childhood friend and rival's promotional photos - until they finally run into each other, and, well. You shouldn't believe everything you see in magazines. A love story about size differences.

Notice Me, Nerd by useless_donut | 40,000 | Bakugou is in love with Midoriya. He doesn’t hide it, in fact it’s so painfully obvious that the entire class of 3-A has him figured out in a matter of months (days, in some cases). Too bad Midoriya is the most oblivious motherfucker out there, and Bakugou is too damn stubborn to actually ask him out. A love story as witnessed by the class of 3-A.

in your dreams, nerd! by sapphicflower | 37,639 | In a strange and unexpected set of circumstances, Izuku and Katsuki find themselves sharing their dreams together whenever they happen to fall asleep at the same time. Being hopelessly in love with each other, they don’t mind it all that much. What better way to spend time with your crush than in a stupidly vivid dream?

Hear Me by my_name_is_Levi | 22,419 | It wasn’t as if nightmares were uncommon for the freshman class of Yuuei. They’d seen plenty of things, heard and felt and witnessed enough travesty in their lives to last them a lifetime. But Midoriya Izuku was screaming, and no one, not even Bakugo Katsuki could ignore it.

Bridges by supercrunch | 18,018 | Bakugou is signed up for a Calvin Klein modeling gig. The thing is, they really do need the money. And Katsuki's technically the leader of this bunch of morons, so he finds himself taking the job even though his pride will never recover. And even though nobody thought to tell him that he'd be working with his ex-boyfriend. You know, the cute freckled guy from high school who went and broke his heart. So, yeah. This whole situation kind of sucks.

objective truth by mamalade | 15,390 | Izuku gets hit with a truth quirk, as one does. He seems to be handling it well—until Katsuki shows up.

catharsis by dollcewrites | 15,071 | It's been six years since Izuku graduated.It's been six years since he confessed to his childhood friend; his classmate and his inspiration. It's been six years since he deleted Bakugou's number, asked his friends not to mention the name, spent every last effort of his heart turning off the TV and averting his eyes from the newspapers. It's been six, long, long years since he gave up on Katsuki Bakugou ever loving him back.

Here here, my friends and me (You are my familia) by Jeka | 128,832 | Bakugou Katsuki has made a great job of ignoring the fact that he is tragically in love with Deku, someone who could never love him like that and let's face it, he doesn't deserve. Now that he can't ignore it anymore, he has to find a way to keep his childhood friend and move on for his own sake. Or so he had thought, maybe he can have Deku, after all. Izuku has everything he always wanted in life. But suddenly he has to navigate the most important relationship in his life through different eyes.

Canon World – Jealous!

Hands Off by SaysiWrites | 7,140 | When a new girl at school starts flirting with Bakugou, his friends quickly become invested in the idea of their friend experiencing love - even if he doesn't seem at all interested in her. What they don't see is Midoriya fuming in the background. But how can he get rid of her when they've spent so long keeping their relationship a secret?

Surfaces by surveycorpsjean | 25,225 | Katsuki has a new girlfriend, but something isn't right. As impossible as it is, Izuku can't help but wonder what it'd be like to be called Katsuki's girl.

Green-Eyed Beast by SecretKiwi | 4,721 | Everyone wants a piece of Katsuki Bakugou, but they should beware of the Green-eyed beast always lurking close behind him.

Green with Envy by Sol_Morales707 | 2,611 | Izuku Midoriya is not as innocent and pure as everyone thinks he is. The truth was he was very jealous and willing to do anything for a certain blonde.

Happy Camper by Arysa | 7,074 | Wanting a break from the stress of dealing with the rookie Pro Hero grind, a handful of students from Class A decide to go on a camping trip. Izuku's excited to relax and catch up with everyone, especially Kacchan. But, well, Kacchan's... Kacchan. And dating Kirishima.

How to stop time: kiss by Teddingtons | 31,693 | Deku finally asks Uraraka out. Everyone's supportive except Bakugou who can't even look him in the eye. Deku seeks him out after and is hit with truth.

What I Deserve by s_the_queen | 16,671 | When Izuku starts dating a student in General Studies, everyone is happy for him. She's super sweet and really caring. But something doesn't sit right with Katsuki.

Deku's Already Fucking Taken by asdfjkl129 | 20,704 | 5 times people don't realize that Deku is already in a very happy relationship and try their hand at asking him out, and then in Bakugou's unique and special style, get very firmly corrected, +1 time where no correction is needed.

His by sister_elric | 6,206 | Izuku would like to consider himself a pretty level headed individual. Sure, he had the occasional tunnel vision, especially when it came to training. And hero work. And Kacchan. But, overall, Midoriya felt as though he typically kept his cool. Well, maybe that was a stretch. But, at the very least he could understand his own emotions. So, it surprised even him when an unfamiliar emotion coursed through him as a first year approached his boyfriend, Katsuki.

Down the Red Line by MinervaHope | 7,804 | Izuku has been able to see the red strings of fate since birth. It's no surprise that his is connected to Katsuki.

Canon World – Fake Relationship Goes Wrong

how he should’ve known (and how it turned out) by vannral | 43,918 | In which Katsuki and Izuku pretend to be a couple to avoid journalists, the plan backfires magnificently because of course it does, and the act goes on. Includes feelings, pining, domestic fluff and jealousy.

Vicious by feelslikefire | 105,173 | Midoriya and Bakugou wind up in the very last position either of them thought they'd be in: Hero Partners. It's not fun, but they learn to cope. Their first big assignment together takes them undercover to infiltrate a cult, but the situation turns out far more sinister than they first thought.

What I can never tell you by Mikacrispy | 27,067 | After living in the US for 5 years, Izuku returns to take care of a concussed Bakugou who believes they're engaged. Now, Izuku has to pretend he's in a relationship with the man he's loved for most of his life, knowing that it's just a matter of time until Katsuki gets better and realizes it's all a lie.

Not-Dating by MiraChaDoodles | 14,290 | Katsuki takes Deku on a not-date to save his career, only to find himself wishing it were real.

we'll do the things that lovers do by ethereals | 29,544 | Izuku gets an invitation to Shouto's wedding and Katsuki is PISSED that he asks Kirishima to be his date (also he wasn't even fucking invited

Canon World – Friends With Benefits (?)

Four Times Bakugou Katsuki Doesn't Intend to Sleep With Midoriya Izuku (And the One Time that He Does) by fallingraine85 | 17,601 | He hadn’t planned for any of this. He isn’t about to go delving into the ball of yarn that is Midoriya Izuku’s heart; he isn’t equipped to try and untangle and make sense of it all. He isn’t about to try to analyze how he’s feeling about all of this, either.... How many times can you repeat the same mistake?

We Wear Chains on the Weekend by surveycorpsjean | 35,086 | Well, in a day of revelations, it turns out that Izuku isn't as vanilla as Katsuki previously thought. Unfortunately, that fascinating discovery is overshadowed by Izuku's dumbassery, because he has zero concept of aftercare."Don't go to anyone else," Katsuki says, because screw it. He can do a better job anyways. Or; Katsuki finds Izuku on a bad drop.

Just for Now by Shiro_Kabocha | 48,135 | Katsuki's parents are out of town over a school break and to keep him from getting up to any shenanigans, they ask Izuku to house sit with him. What are two teenaged boys to do when left alone to their own devices? (Bonus+ the entire Just for Love series)

safe in the darkness by yoonskisses | 20,855 | Izuku and Katsuki had been meeting up secretly for months, with absolutely no feelings involved. Or so Katsuki thought at least. The dorm gossip about Ochaco and Izuku's new relationship seemed to set a spanner in the works for their arrangement.

Alternative Universe – No Quirks

Bluebird by EtherealBeing | 53,108 | Dialing a wrong number was no unusual occurrence. Everyone did it once in a while, and Katsuki was well aware of that fact. However, possessing this knowledge made it no less aggravating for him to discover — a full two minutes into his rant about his day — that he’d been venting his frustrations to a complete stranger. As if that wasn't enough, said stranger was also inexplicably determined to hear his story to its end.

Someone Borrowed by mynameis152 | 138,996 | It felt like hours that he stared at Izuku, coming to terms with the fact that a man, his childhood best friend, whom he hadn’t seen since their senior year of high school, was there in front of his very eyes. Then his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched before he uttered through gritted teeth the very name Izuku had longed to hear for years. “Deku.”

Dark Side of the Sun by Synnie | 51,598 | Staying up too late playing video games, Kirishima wasn't expecting to get an urgent call begging for help. Next thing he knew, he was letting his classmate Izuku Midoriya take refuge in his apartment - without consulting his always angry roommate.

Manage Me by Justaperson1718 | 10,756 | Izuku becomes Katsuki’s model agent.

Don't Set Your Drink Down by Crandberrycrush | 88,424 | With sudden clarity Izuku realized he had broken the first rule of going out. Never leave your drink unattended.

Livewire by pretty_rekless | 18,160 | Per Ochako's request, Izuku downloads a gay dating app in hopes to finally find a partner. Except every single one of his leads keep ghosting him or standing him up... That is until one hot, fiery blond enters the chat. Grindr/Tinder AU fic.

Drinking Watermelon by warschach | 8,906 | Katsuki works as a camp counselor, and Izuku is a boy made of summer heat and sunlight.

Precious Pet by Mikacrispy | 6,379 | When broke college student Midoriya Izuku found a job that offered lodging, food, and good pay for four hours of work each day, he thought it was too good to be true. But he called anyway. Turns out all he has to do is to be the spoiled little puppy of a rich businessman.

Our Eleven Summers by Dark_Mage_Ayumu | 34,472 | The first time Katsuki met Izuku was when he was eight. For the next eleven years, Izuku changed his life, and no one even knew. Their relationship was something they shared in secret.

sticky note crushes by ladyofsnails | 3,239 | Katsuki hates his roommate. The green-haired, freckled, artsy son of a bitch with his dumb pun t-shirts and paint-stained hands he can’t fucking keep to himself. Katsuki can’t leave a single assignment or paper out in his room because that idiot will just grab anything to draw on it. He’s like a shark that can’t stop swimming else it’ll die – he can’t stop drawing. Ever.

Don't Play Pretend by SweetSide | 10,103 | Actor AU: Deku and Bakugou get the leading roles for an upcoming TV Drama. They weren’t aware that they would be working with each other for who knows how long. It would’ve been completely fine if they weren’t exes.

97.6 FM by jamjars | 32,249 | Izuku can’t stop listening to the radio host with the deep voice who sounds like he’s stuck in 2010. It’s a harmless crush. That is until he starts calling into the show under the pseudonym Deku.

Read {between} Your Lines by greatcloudninja | 52,252 | Midoriya Izuku, up-and-coming actor, has finally hit his big break (...), Bakugou Katsuki, who has been acting for over twenty years.However, Bakugou seems to have it out for Izuku, leading to tension both on and off set. When some incriminating photos surface, the studio suggests (...): having Bakugou and Midoriya fake a relationship to get ahead of the rumors.

I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts by PassingShadow | 5,522 | Izuku is a professional cuddler and Katsuki is his new client that’s just a little rough around the edges, and needs a natural healing touch.

Alternative Universe – Quirkless Deku

A Good Old-Fashioned Tattoo AU by lalazee | 14,437 | After their paths had split, Bakugou & Deku meet again as adults. While Bakugou begins to repent for the kid he used to be, he also starts to prove himself as he the man he is now.

Call Me a Safe Bet (I'm Betting I'm Not) by WTTTD | 10,803 | He wished he had some sort of heads up before seeing Deku again for the first time after nearly two years, looking like the essence of a lazy Sunday, smiling and surrounded with brand new, adoring friends. It was a little fitting that Katsuki burned for him so badly. (Support Department Deku)

In Which Kacchan Has a Ruff Time by OneshotPrincess | 14,511 | Bakugou Katsuki gets quirked into a dog, gets adopted by an unknowing Izuku and generally has a very rough few days full of realizations

While You Were Sleeping by Belkacaramelka (annabelleg) | 71,197 | The one where quirkless fanboy Midoriya Izuku rescues Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, gets mistaken as his fiancé while he is in a coma, and gets caught up in the most unlikely fake engagement... until his childhood enemy and Todoroki's classmate Bakugou Katsuki tries to catch him out, and they both end up discovering a lot more about each other than they'd expected.

Let Me Assist You Personally by Seeress | 32,806 | Izuku is long-suffering Personal Assistant to #1 Pro Hero Dynamight.Dynamight can't keep a PA to save his career. They all quit crying after a few days weeks. Enter, Izuku—with enough money problems to brave the jaws of the cranky beast. Childhood friend turned glorified paid slave. Somehow it all works out. ‘Kill them with kindness’, his mom had told him once. If that were true, Bakugou Katsuki would be stone-cold dead by now.

Smile For The Camera by kurokonekokilled | 19,179 | Midnight has a cam site, home to millions of users, but one catches Katsuki's eye when he goes scrolled through it in search for something to help him release a little stress. A live stream and the best orgasm of his life later, his wallet is lighter, and he might be almost as obsessed with this Deku guy as the cam boy is with him.

Just Like The Comics by brichibi | 24,935 | Where Izuku works at a comic book shop because that’s as close to a hero as he’s gonna get, and Katsuki plays the part of heroic ex-boyfriend who is good at everything except winning Izuku back... maybe

Alternative Universe – Quirks

Get on my Level by Mikacrispy | 92,273 | Bakugou Katsuki is a Pro Hero whose boss demands him to take an intern. Midoriya Izuku is a UA student who needs an internship. When the two of them are put together, they learn about what it truly means to be a Hero and what it means to be in love.

A/B/O – Secret! Baby

Home by Emerald2402 | 87,214 | Midoriya Izuku left Japan in a rush, moving to America without a word to anyone else. But then almost 11 years later he arrives back Home and Bakugou Katsuki's Alpha is furious. Fuck that, Bakugou is furious, because Midoriya Izuku, an omega he tasted one time, has been keeping a very big, very blonde haired, green eyed secret.

Those Under the Same Stars by PerpetuallyPerturbed | 325,553 | When Katsuki Bakugo left Izuku Midoriya five years ago, he thought it was for forever. He put aside dreams and wishes of the omega to focus on his career. He was going to be the best hero, after all. He couldn't have an omega getting in his way. So when he's stopped on the streets one day by a pup begging for help for his mom, he isn't prepared to face what he gave up, and what the consequences of his actions were. (Quirkless Deku)

A/B/O – Quirks

Mark Me. Make Me Yours. by decadentbynature | 10,062 | Midoriya is the only Omega at UA and he's been hiding it well but there's one issue that threatens to expose him: his attraction to an Alpha, Bakugo. After being told to give some paperwork to Bakugo, Midoriya lets him into his dorm room and is immediately overwhelmed by his scent. Unable to help himself, he gives in to his urges, only to be discovered by Bakugo but instead of becoming enraged, Bakugo decides to give Midoriya exactly what he wants

Claim Me by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 114,449 | Being an Alpha has nothing to do with Katsuki's success as a Pro-Hero, the same way Deku's Omega status hasn't kept him from becoming Number Two. Secondary gender doesn't mean anything nowadays and “mating” is an antiquated practice. So when Izuku, his rival, asks Katsuki to Claim him in the middle of the night, there is only one logical thing to say. “What the fuck?”

Change of Plans by Mikacrispy | 185,965 | Alpha Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki never planned to get married to some random omega but what he wants isn't an option anymore. One for All wielder Midoriya Izuku has suffered injustice too many times and doesn't plan in allowing his secondary gender to dictate how he must live his life. Falling in love was never in the plans.

Going Feral For You by ANGIE_fic | 17,977 | Bakugou has an aggression problem that might have to do with his Alpha. His job is on the line because of it. So what do you do with a pent up Alpha? Yes.Rut. (Quirkless Izuku)

i live for you, i long for you by jeonjeonggukkkkkie | 19,165 | The five times Izuku hinted he wants Katsuki to spend his next heat with him, and the one time Katsuki took the hint.

Baby's First Bloom by ContraryBee | 44,945 | Izuku blooms for Katsuki one warm day in their third year of middle school. What follows is both boys learning about themselves, their bond, and the society they live in.

As Fate Would Have It by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 88,737 | Katsuki Bakugo had plenty of reasons why he wasn't mated yet, not that he was going to explain why to just anyone. But now, Ground Zero was running out of time. If he didn't find someone soon, he'd lose his position as a Pro-Hero and he'd never get to be #1. So, when he finds out there's a male Omega recently arrested for prostitution that's headed to prison if he too doesn't get a mate…well it must be fate. (Quirkless Izuku)

A/B/O – No Quirks

Gravity by warschach | 71,477 | Izuku is back in his hometown and plenty hasn't changed much from the 8 years he was gone. Except, Katsuki Bakugou, the alpha king of their small town. He's hotter- because that's fair, right, God? -, stronger, a now-famous pro fighter, and noticeably nicer this round.Not that he cares, pfft. (Fine, he cares.)

Nine Months by greatcloudninja | 23,303 | Omega Midoriya Izuku connects with Alpha Bakugou Katsuki through an online singles ad. Izuku pays Katsuki to help him with his heat, ending up pregnant in the process. What follows is a pregnancy filled with ups and downs, but whatever hurdles come their way, they can make it through together.

The long dark by Ominous-Anonymous (Ominonymous) | 13,289 | He could have been really dangerous. He could be a fucking murderer for all he knew. But Izuku Midoriya, ever the reckless daredevil, was not thinking of that when he got into a car with a complete stranger. Completely ignoring the part where his mother always taught him to never gets into cars with alphas he didn't know...

#bakudeku #masterlist #fanfic masterlist #katsudeku #holy shit i can't believe i did this #mizutori’s personal post archive #bakudeku fanfiction #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #alpha bakugou #omega izuku #bnha fanfiction #bnha #mha fanfiction #fanfiction masterlist post #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #archive of our own #ao3

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lightlycareless · 3 years ago

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First, it hurts— Chapter XII

Naoya Zen’in x Fem!Reader

While arranged marriages are not uncommon in the jujutsu community, it was strange to receive a proposal from none other than the Zen’in’s, nonetheless your clan accepted and before you knew it, you were married off to Naoya.

Your new purpose was clear: to serve and submit, to be seen and not heard. To forget any sense of individuality in favor of obeying your husband.

Will this marriage ever flourish into something else? Will it change…for better or for worse?

Chapter warnings: there is allot of talking about periods, blood, sex, menstruations, all that kind of stuff. Medical stuff in a way, 😅. Misogyny, Naoya being insufferable once again, slight mentions of cheating, and basically fearing for your life.

A/N: Hello! Back at it again 🥰 just a quick heads-up, there won’t be an chapter update next week (April 30th) because I’ll be in a convention that weekend! I’ll be taking the whole week to prepare for it, so I won’t have much time to write, or adjust the chapter format for tumblr 😔

Nonetheless, I’ll be back 🥺! So no need to worry about me disappearing hehe; thank you for your endless support, and without further a do, happy reading!

Masterpost ➸ Chapter 13.

Ao3 link.

Call it obsessive behavior, or an insecurity of his own, but Naoya was cognizant enough to admit he wouldn't be able to spend a day without thinking of your whereabouts.

The necessity would slowly kill him, distracting him from his errands. Thus, he ordered Ranta to become his informant and keep a close eye on your steps.

The young man didn't object, and in fact, seemed completely supportive in taking the role of his spy if it meant it would flourish his relationship even further, ignorant to understand that these kinds of behaviors were often suffocating, if not abusive.

Nonetheless, he obeyed. And whenever you walked around the estate, he would closely follow.

Naoya was in the middle of a mission when he was first informed of your visit to the library.

He didn't think much of it, aside from considering it an odd selection of your part, when you could've easily been entertained by hobbies much more fitting of a woman of your role, such as knitting and cooking; he couldn't fathom the reason why you ended up choosing the library.

Perhaps you should’ve taken this time to become more acquainted with the estate, and start taking on a few of the responsibilities that pertained to being his wife. Naoya believes it would be nice to be dressed by you, instead of his rigid servants.

Well, not that it mattered much. There wasn't anything of importance on the books stored away that could be of use to you —aside from distraction—and his tranquility also came in the form of Junko, who he knew to be responsible enough to keep you in check if you were to act out of line.

A few days later, during another mission, Naoya was informed of the suspicions the members and staff of his clan began to have pertaining to your health

Now this concerned him.

He remembers you being in relatively good health before he left, and the days prior as well. But something inside him tells him it wouldn’t be under you to use your sickness as a justification to stay isolated from the rest of the estate, away from your duties.

Your husband's unfavorable thoughts were promptly stopped when his memory recalled the origin of these impressions, which came directly from two trustworthy sources: Ranta and Junko.

They knew better than to toy with him, and their involvement only meant your condition was to be taken as serious interest, leading the young Zen’in heir to grow genuinely concerned as he proceeded to demand more information regarding your condition.

But as trustworthy as Ranta was, there was something (or someone) holding him back from describing the symptoms you were experiencing.

His silence was received by Naoya’s ire, who frantically called him at the first moment he had available.

“I don’t know!” Ranta cried through the speaker as the clanking noises of metal hitting the ground filled the background. Apparently, the young man was in the middle of training when his master called.

He wasn’t given the time to pause his set or to relocate as Naoya began spewing questions immediately after he picked up the phone.

His anxiety grew heightened, for he now had to worry about picking up the tools he just dropped before Ogi came along —knowing well he would not hold back in punishing him for being so careless — and tending to your husband's rambles.

“Junko-san won’t let me know, she says we’ll have to wait for the end of the week to be sure. Do you know if something is happening by then? It’s not a special date or celebration, right?”

“Does that make sense to you?” Naoya criticized Ranta’s naivety with a sharp edge on his voice.

“No, of course not” He sheepishly admitted.

“Then figure it out!”

Much to his luck, he didn’t last in the dark for too long.

Just as Junko had promised, by the end of the week Naoya received the piece of news that would have him both frozen at the spot with consternation, and elated with relief.

“Your wife is pregnant!”

He had re-read this message roughly around 10 times, thinking it had been sent to the wrong number.

But he did not know of another relative with a wife —you being the latest addition— nor anyone else that could’ve been attempting to beget a child.

He even asked Ranta to confirm if he had not mistaken his message for someone else, with the young boy confirming his fear.

You, Y/N , we’re indeed pregnant.

Let's start by dissecting Naoya’s current emotions, beginning with shock.

This feeling wasn’t alien to most parents, whether originating from an unplanned pregnancy, or their efforts finally bearing fruit.

As stated before, Naoya wasn’t overly fond of having a chibi version of him running around the estate, so it was safe to assume that his reaction fell into the unplanned pregnancy section.

Another category that his thoughts could easily fit in was that of skepticism, if not ignorance.

For as he scrolled down through the seemingly endless messages of congratulations from his relatives and friends, his mind was going through the various scenarios trying to recount how and when this could’ve happened, as if he hadn’t been careless whenever he was intimate with you, and now, had to deal with the consequences.

He couldn’t squeeze having a child into his plans, especially after having an upcoming promotion to worry about.

Because even if Naoya was considered amongst the jujutsu community as an highly arrogant man, a difficult person to work with as a team, and unreasonably disrespectful to his female peers, he was still a very talented sorcerer.

Promising from a very young age, his clan didn’t take long before dumping their expectations of perfection onto his shoulders—ones he carried out with flying colors.

He'd be the one with the best grades in every subject, he'd also be the one to carry out more missions compared to the rest of the sorcerers his age, and most importantly, he’d be the most talented of Naobito’s sons, a fact that secured him the role of future leader of the Zen’in.

His hard work and talent was eventually recognized by the jujutsu community, who ranked him as one of the fastest sorcerers in Japan, just behind the limitless user Gojo Satoru, and his father Zen’in Naobito. A fact that he believed would change sooner than later since his father was growing older by the second, and he already had a better grasp at his technique than his father had when he was his age.

Certainly, after taking all of this into consideration, one could also safely assume a child wasn’t in his sights.

He was sure he’d let you know what he felt about this whole ordeal , but by some obscure process in his mind, he ended up believing you permitted this to occur just to sabotage him.

Was this your way to get back at him? If so, how low of you. Just after he thought you were starting to behave like a woman worthy of being his wife, you decided to go ahead and do the thing he confided in you not to do.

Well, it’s not like it was forced on him to take care of the child—that was your responsibility as a woman after all. And perhaps your punishment as well.

He’d have to share the same roof with the kid, but he could easily assign you to another room.

The positive aspect of this news, and the second part of his reaction, was that of your fertility.

Being pregnant meant you were capable of carrying his seed, proof of your functionality as a woman.

It would’ve been a shame if he had taken in a defective woman as his bride, such as the case of his uncle Ogi, who after many reassurances of being healthy and worthy of carrying his heirs, ended up miscarrying her first pregnancy after a few weeks of the initial announcement—later birthing 2 daughters into the clan, twins to make the matters worse. None with cursed energy.

The highest insult a woman could bring to her husband.

He didn’t worry about that though, he believes he chose his wife wisely. One with an impressive background and written proof of creating strong sorcerers.

Naoya knew that, even without the involvement of your blood, his heirs would all grow up to be strong, just like he was. For he wasn’t on the same level as his brothers and cousins, he never was. To compare him would be ridiculous.

You were only there to reassure his statement, and to keep him company.

At the end, Naoya delegated himself to deal with your pregnancy later, after he was done with his missions.

Not before giving in into the thought of how plump you would look as months passed, how your breasts would fill with milk, and how virtually useless you would become when his child became too much to bear, having to cling to him in order to get anything done around the house, a sight that had him stroking himself fervently in the middle of the night, gently moaning your name as he finished in his hand, but one that he unfortunately had to shove away in favor or securing his career.

A few weeks later, just as if the gods decided to listen to his silent worries, he received a message from the two people he’d rather avoid.

The first message was from his father, who cryptically encouraged him to try harder , or he couldn’t be a son of his. Naoya didn’t understand what his father meant, for he assumed he managed to complete his missions impeccably, even the agent sent to supervise his efficiency—heavily related to his upcoming Grade 1 exam—wrote a highly favorable review.

The thing that he disliked the most in this life, was being reprimanded by his father for his lack of performance. A small fire of displeasure began to ignite in the depths of his mind, but not strong enough to override his confusion.

The second message, enough to add into his inner turmoil, was of his older brother Naoaki, who in the same fashion as his father, ambiguously hinted at something much darker, but gave a lead to the culprit behind their words.

Should keep a tighter leash on your wife, the things women do when unsupervised 😳

His fire erupted out of control and was now directed towards you. Without second doubt, Naoya called Ranta, more than ready to order him to put you on the phone—for it was all he could do when away.

“Care to explain why my father and brother are talking shit about me?” Naoya seethed as soon as the call went through the line.

“W-what?!” Once more, the sounds clanking of metal falling to the ground was heard in the background, as well as curses of frustration from other accompanying members, presumably of the Hei. Ranta was training when his call came through, but Naoya didn't bother to check if he was busy, his matter was much more important. “Oh, wait, give me a second-”

“No! You'll stay on the phone and explain right this instant!"

“It’s about Y/N…isn’t it?”

“What else could it be about? Are you covering for my wife?”

“No! She’s just…ill”

“Ill? Don’t be stupid, she’s pregnant but apparently she did something— oooh , I get it know. She did something to the baby, didn’t she?” Naoya hotly hissed “The nerve of that woman, to think she would attempt something to my seed. I’ll teach her when I’m back that—”

“Naoya, wait! Don’t hang up” Ranta blurted.

“Are you going to put her on the phone?”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that”

“Huh? And why must that be?”

“It’s….more serious than you think” The other voice on the line seemed to quiet down, almost as if it was forbidden to discuss this topic. His sudden change did not go unnoticed by Naoya, effectively stopping his unfounded rambles. “I didn’t want to tell you anything, because I assumed you would get distracted from your missions, but…once you come back, her staff will tell you everything”

“Wait— wait , why do you sound like that? What happened ?”

“Just focus on your missions, alright? Once you’re done, I’ll tell you”

When the fateful day arrived, and Naoya returned to the estate, the tension filling the air and eerie silence of the inhabitants made him believe someone had died.

From the way the servants nervously glanced at one another when unloading his belongings from the back of the car, to how they guided him through the and onto the dining hall, where Ranta, Mariya and Hitomi were already waiting for him, it was safe to assume someone had indeed passed away.

“Where is my wife?” Was the first thing that came out of Naoya’s mouth upon noticing the presence of your staff and your evident absence. He expected you to at least greet him by the gates, but instead, he was received by his faceless servants.

He wished to know what justification you would have for your lack of commitment to your duties, although deep inside, he was saddened by your inaction.

“She’s not able to accompany you today, for she is resting” Mariya bowed “I’d like to apologize in her behalf, and explain her absence”

She patiently waited for him to give her clearance and proceed, which sourly came in the mocking words of his choosing.

“Well?” Naoya scoffed “What could she possibly be resting from? I don’t think it can be compared to all the missions I had to do during these last few weeks. If anything I should be the one resting”

“No, of course not. Your wife didn’t mean to distract you from your missions” Your prime lady-in-waiting responded with the submissive tone she always used when she wanted her superiors to consider an upcoming request.

Her patience had to be commended, for Mariya was holding back the intense itch to slap him across the face for being so inconsiderate of your needs, and the disrespectful manner he’d been referring to you.

However, she knew his behavior wouldn’t have altered if he had seen the way you sobbed when the pain in your abdomen had grown too much to handle, or how you had chosen to stop eating in its entirety, since it would only end up in the toilet bowl hours later.

It wasn’t in his DNA to be compassionate to anyone, none of these men were capable of doing so.

“It’ll be short—Hitomi, get some refreshment for Naoya-sama”

The quiet seamstress nodded as she received the orders, turning in her heels and retreated into the kitchen.

The three remaining people waited for Hitomi to come back with the drinks before continuing, which she had not taken more than the necessary time to fetch, and quickly began serving the tea she knew as Naoya’s favorite upon returning.

Once she was done, she picked up the tray and held it against her chest as she went back to her original place besides Mariya.

The latter took a deep breath, psyching herself up with courage to delegate part of the news that had them overwhelmed with anguish these last few days.

“Naoya-sama, your wife was never pregnant”

“Huh?” he twisted his mouth, skepticism filling his words. “How is that even possible, weren’t you all rattling around the estate about it?”

“Her period was only late. We think it was stress that affected her cycle”

“Hah, stress, as if. What could’ve possibly stressed her?” He rolled his eyes “better yet, why was I given information no one deemed important to verify before telling me?”

“That situation is already being dealt with” Junko’s face flashed through Mariya’s mind, soon followed by a twinge of sorrow as she could only imagine what kind of punishment she was given to redeem her offense.

Mariya then clenched her jaw as her mind returned to Naoya, with her patience once again being tested. Luckily for her, she had a technique that would help her calm down her anger, something very much necessary when working in the Zen’in estate. She began counting to ten as she moved forward.

“Having to move into a new home is a very difficult process that many wives often struggle with—however, there is a much more serious topic we’re concerned about”

Naoya frowned as he rested his head against his hand, pushing her to continue.

“Lady Y/N has been bleeding for 14 days”

“Fourteen ?” Naoya mirrored in disbelief. It was the first time he’d heard of a woman having bled for so long, and not died. There was no way your ladies were telling the truth, and if they were, it was probably to cover a side effect of whatever garbage you consumed to terminate the pregnancy. How loyal . “How do I know she didn’t take anything that might have caused that?”

“She didn't ” Hitomi wasn’t one to have the same level of patience as Mariya, and this was evident in the way her voice was intertwined with poison when those words escaped her lips. Mariya’s eyes widened and she quickly glanced at the young woman, who with her tense face gestured to her to grasp her emotions better, for the sake of her job.

“Sorry” Hitomi murmured, eyes now peeled to the ground as she bowed.

“I apologize” Mariya retook the conversation “But yes, she hasn’t taken that might’ve induced these pains. We’ve been monitoring her diet and sleep hours, staying by her side since the first time she was wrongly suspected to be pregnant, but we weren’t able to figure out what is causing her this pains, so we’ve come with the decision that a visit to the doctor might be the best solution to her predicament”

“Have you given her some tea or something?” Naoya shrugged, completely dismissing her concerns “I mean, Y/N had bitched about hurting whenever we fuck , but you don’t expect me to beliueve she’s actually hurting, do you? She’s probably just to get pity out of you”

Your main lady, was not shocked to hear a man from this house acting so nonchalant about the women, but she futely hoped he would’ve taken a bit more interest in your health, after all, wasn’t he the one insisting on marrying you?

Nonetheless, she knew losing her inhibitions wouldn't gain you or her any positive outcome, and so, without much thought, the woman bowed down, lowering her forehead to the ground as she began to plead to the cruel master—who was your husband —to grace you with the smallest of mercies.

“Please, Naoya-sama. We worry we might no longer have a wife to serve if her case worsens. The doctor is our only hope”

Your husband smirked as he arrogantly looked down to the servants who were desperately seeking his approval.

The rush he gained from the power he had over someone else's life—the capability to either ruin or build them—was something he wished to never lose, to pressure them just enough until they thought they were going to break…but in order to keep the hierarchy functional, he too had to budge into their demands from time to time, so, after quick thought, he agrees to the proposal.

“Alright” he shrugs “Guess we can do that. But—I want to see her first”

“Allow me to take you” Mariya said as she jolted upwards, flattening the wrinkles of her yukata with the palms of her hand “Please, follow me”

“I think I remember where my chambers are, servant ”

“We moved her to another bedroom so she wouldn’t… disturb you”

Naoya didn’t know whether to be pleased by the consideration of your servants, or disappointed that he would no longer be able to feel your warm body besides him after a long day at work. Well, tradition meant he had to give you your space while you dealt with your woman problems . It was better this way, it’s not like he could make use of you anyways.

“Fine, take me to her room”

Mariya’s nerves heighten as she nods and begins leading him to your new chamber. It was customary for couples to have a separate bedroom to use separately if any of them fell ill, or when the woman was in her period, but once they improve, they go back to their husband

She knew very well you were taking advantage of this situation, as much as your pain allowed, to rest in a place that hadn’t been tainted by Naoya’s presence.

Mariya silently pleads that his visit doesn’t disturb you more than necessary, or that he once again decides to lose control and enact violence on you —because he somehow thought you were lying— as she gently grasps the shoji door and slides it open.

Luckily for you and for her, there was nothing to worry about. For when she guided her gaze back to his face, she found nothing less than fear decorating his facade.

There, on the futon found in the middle of the dim room, only lit by a scarce amount of candles, laid the body of an evidently hurting woman.

Various blankets covered your figure all the way up to your neck, making Naoya struggle to distinguish the look on your face, but once he inched closer, he was able to see how pale you’ve gotten from the last time he saw you.

He was also able to observe the way you furrowed your brows pressed against each other, how your eyelids were roughly closed, the way your parted lips gently gasped for air, with muted grunts rhythmically coming out from them…there was no denying—your pain was genuine.

Keeping you company, Haruko stood by your side as she looked down with disappointment at the now cold cup of tea she had left behind with intentions of being consumed by you—to no avail.

It had been like this ever since you started feeling worse. The nauseating sensation building up in the back of your throat prevented you from eating or drinking, and when you were able to eat, you barely picked anything from your plate.

To make things worse, no matter the beverage you drank or the pills you consumed, none of them seemed to have an effect on your cramps, so you were forced to deal with them the hard way, making every move or adjustment in your body an heroic effort.

Your staff had requested a doctor to come and check your status, but even he was able to admit that this was something out of his capabilities, and the suggestion of a gynecologist was promptly brought up. But in order to take you, they needed the permission of your husband.

Judging by the look of Naoya’s reaction, Mariya knew she no longer had to fight for your health. Just one glimpse at your figure and it would be enough for him to realize you were indeed in a terrible condition and had to be checked by an expert, urgently .

“How long has she been like this?” Naoya asked. The sight was hauntingly familiar, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Where could he have seen a situation similar like this?

“A few hours after she started bleeding” Mariya recounted “Her bleeding has lowered, so we don’t think she’ll get some type of anemia, but her pain is not usual”

You unnerved him.

“Fine” He decided “I’ll take her to the doctor”

Naoya ordered your staff to call the gynecologist in the phone book, the same one his uncle had taken Junko to when she first had her miscarriage, and to schedule the first appointment available.

However, even after he saw the pained expression in your face, he couldn’t erase the thought of his brother’s message and what he alluded to.

Had you actually gone ahead and acted against your body just to defy him?

Whatever your truth was, there was no way you could hide it from a doctor.

╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳╳

As if it knew what was going to happen, your bleeding had managed to stop one day before your doctor's appointment. Nonetheless, your staff didn’t inform your husband, for it was still detrimental for him to take you.

While you stayed behind in your chambers, with your ladies-in-waiting getting you ready for the long day ahead, Mariya had taken this opportunity to speak Naoya to and request permission to accompany you:

Her presence would undoubtedly bring you comfort, since it would prevent you from being completely alone with him, as well as serving as an additional witness to your miseries, for she was one of the few who had observed with great detail all that you had suffered through in these past few days.

Tragically, her intentions were quickly diminished when Naoya—who had intentions of overseeing today's activities personally—decided she would be much more useful in the estate than beside you.

“I insist, Naoya-sama” Mariya pressed one more time, but the young master did not relent.

“Your service is not necessary” He frowned “Or are you the one that’s sick?”

“No…of course not”

“Then know your place” and the conversation ended.

You were made aware of this conversation a few minutes after it had concluded, and his decision rang hollow in your ears.

Fear slowly invaded your mind as your consciousness began to place the pieces together, contemplating the possibility that his intentions were to isolate you and hurt you, this time, where no one could interfere.

The head of your staff mournfully apologized for not being able to do more and proceeded to place the finishing touches to your appearance.

Once ready, the 3 accompanied you to the gates, where your husband was already waiting for you.

He didn’t seem to notice your appearance until much later, after you were given enough time to admire his outfit of the day.

The sight of him in casual clothes was one that allured you, for you’d never seen him outside of traditional attire, nor did he think he enjoyed being out of it.

Naoya had decided to wear a black coat and a black turtleneck —more than adequate for the midday breeze— alongside black pants and black shoes, a monotone uniform that heavily contrasted the yellow kimono decorated with white embroidery accompanied with a blue obi your ladies-in-waiting had chosen for you as appropriate.

Their selection had you feeling quite…flamboyant, not to diminish Hitomi’s work, and made you think Naoya looked much better than you.

Well, he was handsome, that much you could admit, but his personality made all his efforts undesirable.

Your trading of thought was abruptly interrupted by the sound of the familiar black car (the one you instantly recognized as the same one that transported you to the estate) appearing from just around the corner, the chauffeur carefully maneuvering the vehicle close enough to place the driver's seat just before Naoya.

Soon after, the man turned off the engine and exited the vehicle, walking in a bee line directly to your husband and handing him the keys, the motion causing you to silently ask the next observation.

“You’re…driving?” Originally intended for your musings, they were brought to the surface thanks to the shock caused by his sudden involvement.

You’d always considered him as one to indulge in the simple pleasures of luxury—as he seemingly had a servant for every task around the house—to the point he considered himself to be superior to the rest just because he could afford it.

So to see him very hands-on in taking the wheel…well, your reaction was justified.

However, he didn’t see your words as genuine curiosity, and instead, felt you were questioning his ability to drive, which made him snap back at you.

“Do you want to get fixed or not? Get in the car” Naoya defensively retorted.

You blinked a few times, exchanging nervous looks between your ladies —whose puzzled faces gave you the clear understanding they were sharing the same sentiments as you— before wasting more time and heading to the passenger's seat.

“Have a nice trip.” Haruko said.

“Well patiently wait for your return.” Hitomi added.

“Good luck.” Mariya finalized.

They might’ve not voiced it —nor did you or your husband noticed— but those words also served as reassuring for them, as the oscillating behavior of your husband and the yet-unknown findings of the doctor could be a dangerous combination, one that could erupt into an even harder situation between the Zen’in and your clan.

But the only thing they could do was pray that it never got to that extreme, as they mentally prepared themselves for the worse.

To be outside of the estate for the first time was an occurrence that brought you immense delight, but slight regret as it was made possible under less than desirable circumstances.

It has been so long since you've been able to see the sky outside of the estate, that it made it seem like you had been locked away for years, if not centuries! An immeasurable amount of time where you went without communicating with the outside world, aside from the people who lived underneath the same roof, when in reality, it had only been around 2 months.

This sentiment had naively caused you to expect to see the outside world drastically changed, almost unrecognizable, when in reality, the time that transpired was hardly enough to see a big enough of a change.

Yet, since you’ve never seen this part of Japan —nor seen it in pictures—, it might as well be your reality.

The main road connecting the Zen’in estate to the city had made your journey short, not taking long for the imposing edifices to start covering every inch of the landscape —with occasional glimpses of the background mountains escaping between buildings— making it impossible to believe you were in the forest only a few seconds earlier.

Your gaze darted through every sign and advertisement your husband’s driving speed allowed you to focus, taking in the eye-catching colors and impressive marketing with great admiration these company’s invested to incite you to spend.

You continued to observe every business available to the eye, quickly realizing this city had it all. From a wide variety of food establishments with cuisines of all over the world, clothing stores of luxury brands, banks, and one of your favorites, a karaoke —you definitely saw yourself visiting this concrete jungle in your free time, spending your payments of a successful mission in exchange for a good time…back when you were still an independent woman.

The possibility of this being a one time thing pains you, but you shove it down in favor of making the most —within your possibilities—of your time here.

Your appreciation was eventually cut short when Naoya began to slow down and take a left exit that led the car into the subterranean entrance of a building—the parking lot for its visitors.

This must be the location of the doctor’s office, you figured, and your anxiety makes an unwanted return.

It wouldn’t take long before Naoya found an empty space and parked the car in it, turning off the engine once he deemed it properly placed.

His eyes didn’t falter from the board for a few seconds, deep in mysterious thoughts while you quietly observed him. Was he regretting taking you out of the estate? Did he think this visit was useless and that you were lying to him? Perhaps . But he wouldn’t let you know.

Eventually, he blinked a few times and lightly shook the ideas out of his head as he suddenly remembered where he was and what he was going to do. He ordered you to follow him closely before he opened the door and stepped out.

Doing as requested, the two of you made way to the nearby elevator, Naoya frantically tapping the button to call the lift, gently pushing you forward onto the empty space when the doors finally opened.

Same as in the car ride, the walk towards the doctor's office was painfully quiet. You remained under the impression this is how Naoya wanted you to behave, and you happily obliged, for anyone would’ve been a much better company than him. You had no desire in his interest, only following his words out of concern for your own health.

Instead, you decided to focus on the various scenarios that could present to you when alone with the doctor.

Aside from informing her about your current predicament, you would also take this time to report you’ve been abused by the one you had the misfortune to call your husband. Most doctors had a moral code to abide by when it comes to their patients personal lives, you were sure there was no way she would keep quiet.

But in the mind of the other person in the elevator, fear of you escaping wasn’t something he considered plausible. Naoya never did anything without previous planning, and your appointment was no exception.

Instead, his thoughts were cemented in a sour meeting he had hours ago with his father, one where dangerous threats were exchanged pertaining to your role in the family as well as his marriage.

Your sickness hadn’t come for free, there was a reason why it had occurred and why they never saw it coming.

Naoya was forced (as well) by his father to figure out what was behind it and deal with it appropriately.

He just hoped it wasn’t serious…because Naoya doesn’t know what he would do if Naobito decides to go through with his plan.

The young Zen’in heir is brought back to reality when he arrives at the door of the doctor’s office.

Once inside, the first thing that you do is quickly scan through the waiting room and it’s decorations, trying to identify who is to be your doctor, and if there were any other patients that could be of help to your escape.

There were no other visitors, but that didn’t stop you from analyzing the room.

It was moderately spacious, just enough to hold a receptionist desk on the right side of the entrance, a pair of white chairs that go along well with the white tiles and white walls, and a glass table before them with a white vase filled with lilies.

Hanging on the wall adjacent to the chairs, just a few feet higher up, laid a grey analog clock that dictated the current hour with a few minutes of delay. On the other wall hung a sign, one that described the name of the services provided and the doctors working.

You weren’t able to distinguish if the names were female or male, but you secretly hoped they were female.

Naoya went ahead and checked in with the receptionist, who greeted him formally with the respect any other patient was deserving of. The lack of friendliness gave you the impression this was the first time he’d come here, so perhaps, there was no form of favoritism in play, making your plan easier to execute.

Unfortunately, your plans to escape would come to an abrupt end when, after a few minutes of being asked to wait for the doctor, the latter would come out and greet Naoya as an old friend.

“Zen’in! It’s good to see you. How is your father?”

“He is well, thank you”

This sense of familiarity between the doctor —which turned out to be a man, much to your displeasure—and your husband rang a distress alarm in the back of your mind. You felt ridiculous even considering your attempts would be easily permitted when it had been Naoya orchestrating this whole circumstance in the first place.

From the moment he ordered your staff to schedule an appointment with the doctor, to deciding to take you personally, all had been done in order to keep a close eye on you.

Not even the impressive view of the city from the 10th floor of a building was able to subdue your horror.

“Please, sit down,'' the doctor, who was either ignorant or indifferent to your unsubtle reaction, gestured to the two white chairs before his pristine glass table where a computer screen, keyboard and mouse were found.

You chose the seat furthest away from you and sat down by the edge, hands resting on your lap, while your husband sat all the way back with crossed arms. The body language was clear as water: you were nervous, while your husband was defensive.

The man with the white coat mirrored the couple’s actions and sat down as well, adjusting his chair directly in front of the keyboard as he repeatedly clicked and scrolled around the system, pulling up the new patient form to fill.

Once he was ready, he looked up to you.

“What’s your name?”

“L/N Y—”

“ Zen’in ” Naoya corrected, the doctor raised an eyebrow.

“Which one is it?” The latter queries, having no interest in your personal feud, invested only in typing down the correct information for his usage.

“Zen’in Y/N” You answered in submission

“Age?”

“18”

“Do you know your height and weight?”

You dubiously answer with your measurements, expecting Naoya to attack you with an offhand comment of your body, but much to your surprise, he keeps quiet.

However, like most doctors, he couldn’t keep quiet and suggested that you should lose some pounds.

This makes you silently annoyed, for the last thing you wanted was a stranger to speak of your body, even if he was the supposed expert.

“Have you had any sexual relationships?” The man moves on, his question makes you quietly glanced at your husband.

Naoya, however, does not keep quiet and scoffs. His reaction tenses you up even further, knowing very well that his reaction could be wrongly interpreted between men raised in a patriarchal society, where being labeled as a promiscuous woman was far from ideal, and might affect the doctor’s interest in your treatment.

Yet, your assumptions couldn’t be further from the truth, as Naoya’s reaction comes from feeling offended —if not mocked— by this question.

He held back the need to tell him that you were obviously sexually active, because you were his wife.

“Yes”

“I’m presuming with the man here? Is he your husband?” The doctor gestures to his eyes at Naoya, who is now wearing a subtle scowl in his face. The latter felt it was almost unnecessary to ask what should’ve been obvious by just looking at them.

Well, the doctor was simply doing its job, and sometimes, that entailed asking obvious questions.

“Yes, he is”

The doctor writes down your information, promptly stopping upon beginning the next section.

“Had you had any kind of sexual relationships?”

“Huh? Me?” Naoya points to himself as his mouth twisted “What do I have to do with anything? I’m not the one getting checked here”

“I need to know” The man persisted once more, just enough to make Naoya surrender.

“Fine, yes, obviously with my wife” Your husband answers vaguely, which is not enough for the expert.

“And no one else?” You begin to wonder why the doctor is so adamant in knowing how many people Naoya had slept with.

He didn’t ask you that, and didn’t even bother fact-checking if one of your previous flings accidentally slipped your memory, or if you actually had sex.

No—he simply went ahead and boxed you in the misogynistic ideology that you’ve kept yourself intact for your husband until your wedding night, while he was permitted to fool around with someone else.

Certainly he didn’t believe Naoya would admit committing such a thing, in front of his wife no less…

“I have”

You paled.

“But that was before I got married”

And now, your eyes widened.

There was not enough time in between answers to process what he had just admitted.

From preparing yourself to denounce him for disrespecting the relationship he had forced you to partake in —respecting it was the least he could do after violating your individuality— to freezing when admitting he hadn’t seen anyone else with a seemingly genuine (and subtle) tone of voice.

Naoya didn’t strike you as one to be faithful —although you hadn’t really given it much thought until now— so his confession came to you as a very shocking surprise.

Did he really…not see anyone else? Not even during the time he was away?

You…you didn’t know how to feel.

“I see” The medic continues to type down onto his keyboard “Now, Y/N-san”

Your attention was brought back to the man before you, immediately returning to the present and the reason for your visit.

“What brings you here today?”

“I—” You involuntarily turned to your husband, futilely searching for comfort in the golden eyes that only flashed edginess, quietly urging you to continue.

Now looking down at your lap, you take a deep breath as you prepare to describe the horrors that haunted you from the first day you learned you were pregnant.

“—And did you continue bleeding after those 14 days?” Naoya’s ears perked, quietly moving closer as to take a better listen to your answer.

“I only stopped bleeding yesterday. By that time, the pain was almost unnoticeable” Naoya seems offended by small detail you decided to hide from him, and a desire to confront you beings to ignite, but is quickly brushed off when he reminds himself he was here to discover what started the whole ordeal to begin with.

“I see” The doctor had meticulously typed everything you’ve told him, formulating various reasons that could’ve incited this behavior from your body.

It was easy to pinpoint your problems as caused by hormonal issues, as most doctors did, but he felt there wasn’t something you were telling him, or perhaps something he hadn’t asked you yet.

You had admitted partaking in a very organic and healthy diet, thanks to your staff, so the involvement of unhealthy habits was out of the question.

Stress? Well, it was almost impossible to name a thing that wasn’t affected by stress, but he assumed that wasn’t your case since you were properly taken care of (very convenient to ignore you were being abused by none other than your husband) and didn’t have to work, according to the questionnaire about your habits he asked you to fill.

You were sexually active and your husband had been somewhat rather careless by finishing inside you, this could’ve easily affected your cycle, but the symptoms you described couldn’t have been of a typical miscarriage. Not at all.

Women don’t get these issues out of nowhere just because. There was always a third party involved. Whether it be genetics or medicine, which leads to the next question…

“Did you take any medicine during these last months that would have affected your menstruation?”

Naoya immediately knew he had you cornered.

If you decided to lie, the doctor could easily order you to get examined and the results would do the speaking for you.

But if you decided to come clean, then he would know if Naoaki’s words were true. If you actually dared do something against his seed.

your throat constricts as you feel the heavy gaze of your husband on your back, swallowing the fear of repercussion your next words might bring.

“—yes. Birth control pills”

His forehead furrows as his gaze slowly turns red. His experience as a semi grade 1 sorcerer helps him to quickly devise various ways to make you pay for your insolence, for the guts you had of attempting to do something against his approval, no, his knowledge .

You were the reason why Naobito and Naoaki had decided to hover around him like a pair of vultures ready to attack once given enough ammunition. He’d had to make an example out of you, because apparently, you still haven’t learned what your place—

“But I stopped taking them before I got married”

Naoya could hear the train of his thoughts coming to a screeching halt when you elaborated further. He frantically looked at the doctor, seeking to catch the faintest shade of disbelief in his eyes, something to prove he wasn’t wrong in judging you so harshly—but nothing. If anything, the doctor seemed to be relieved to have found the root of all of your misfortunes by the way his mouth curved into a satisfactory smile.

“Ah, there it is!”

Naoya didn’t seem to understand why those pills had anything to do with your late cycle, luckily for him, the doctor still had a few more questions to ask.

“Why did you start taking them?”

“I used to deal with cramps that would leave me bedridden for 2 days a month. I eventually grew tired of it, so I went to the doctor and she suggested a treatment involving birth control pills. They worked perfectly, and in a few months, my cycle became more regular and my flow lighter”

“And on that note, why did you stop taking them? Did the doctor told you to stop?”

Far from it.

You remember vividly the day your father came into your room and sheepishly asked you to stop taking those pills.

You were beyond frustrated, and in fact, straight up rejected his request by kicking him out of your room. You thought it was his ignorance speaking, since he was very adamant in not letting you start that treatment in the first place—if it hadn’t been by Hinata and Ren, you probably would’ve never made it to the doctor’s office. However, after he began to admire the results of your treatment, and how happy you were by enjoying the newfound liberty of getting to choose how to spend all of your days, he immediately conceded to admitting he was wrong.

Unfortunately, he had a change of mind.

The next day, when the alarm set to remind you to take your pill went off, you couldn’t find the box anywhere in your room.

You went through all of the staff, asking if they had seen them anywhere, perhaps accidentally relocating them when they cleaned your room, but that wasn’t the case. All admitted to not seeing the familiar container, which led you to think you had dropped them somewhere on the street, or lost them during a mission.

But those options weren’t viable either, since you had stayed inside the house these past two days, and you remember well taking them yesterday—leaving one possible explanation.

It didn’t take much confrontation for your father to admit he was the one that disposed of your pills. You shrieked and groaned, yelling at him that he had no right to decide what to do with your body, especially after you had explicitly told him not to intervene. You even tried reasoning with him, reminding him that the treatment couldn’t be terminated without previous consultation, and that you weren’t considering stopping it since your body had reacted positively to it.

Yet, your father had no intentions of listening more of your explanations, and reminded you of your place and his rose in this house, finalizing the argument by saying

If I deem it necessary for you to stop medicating your body, then you will do as I say.

As much as he wanted to comfort you after seeing your teary face and heartbreaking sobs, to take you to the doctor and mend his wrongs, he couldn’t do so.

His order had come directly from your future in-laws, specifically Naobito (being the most experienced in these matters) who requested your preparation for the wedding, meaning your body had to be fertile for the honeymoon.

Fast forward to the present, you now find yourself dealing with the consequences.

“…I…wanted to get pregnant” you lied in what you thought Naoya wanted to hear. Your husband seemed somewhat pleased by your response, although he doesn’t really know the true reason why you stopped.

“Birth control pills are basically a hormonal profile that comes in the shape of 30 pills, one for each day of the month. You’re supposed to take them every day, for various years, until your body assimilates the new profile. However, if you stop taking the pills when your body hasn’t completed that adjustment, the first thing that happens is that you’ll start bleeding almost immediately and non-stop”

Naoya took in the information as if it were a mission statement, as much as he could force himself to understand the inner workings of a woman. This gave him a new perspective of your life, one that he never intended to seek out unless presented in a situation like this.

He didn’t think pregnancy prevention pills could be used for other things, nor did he condone their usage, as he thought they only soiled the value of a woman (how pedantic ) and a waste of resources.

“But…I didn’t start bleeding until much later. In fact…I bled the same day I was supposed to, as if I never stopped taking the pills” You tried to explain, but he had no interest in the words of a civilian who clearly didn’t take years preparing herself in this field.

“There is a chance that your body was still under the effect of the pills until your last period, and it wasn’t until now that it’s starting to go back to your previous hormonal profile, but most likely, you were just lucky”

“A-and my pain?”

“Just regular cramps. They were a bit out of control due to your body adjusting to the new changes, but I assume that for your next menstruation they’ll go back to how they were”

“But…I don’t want to—”

“Can she still get pregnant?” Naoya interrupted without consideration, for he thought it was now his time to ask. Sure, it was illuminating to hear why you were taking those pills and what not but he now desired to know more of the topic that would directly affect him and your role in the estate.

“Yes, but it’ll take around 2 or 3 months for her to be able to conceive” The doctor suddenly stood up from his chair, walking towards the door and motioning you to follow into the adjacent room, where machinery pertained to observe the health of a woman’s reproductive system was stored. Naoya wasn’t able to process the expert’s last statement—nor ask him to explain further— before he saw you stand up as well and walk towards the room.

“What are you going to do?” The young Zen’in heir asked out of curiosity.

“Check the status of her ovaries, as well as her vagina. I’ll also be taking a few tissue samples and sending them to the lab, just to check she’s healthy” The men continued to speak, referring to your husband, as if you weren’t even in the room.

As if his treatment didn’t make you feel bad, this left you feeling even worse, like a glorified mare. One that had the misfortune of getting sick, and now had to get treated.

The other fact that agitated you was that the doctor didn’t even bother asking Naoya to stay outside the room, as most doctors did, and take this private moment to ask you if you were saying the truth, if you were being abused, if you were safe. Hell, if you even wanted him in the room.

No, he allowed your husband to stay inside and hear all the instructions he requested you to follow so he could work in your lower areas, solely focusing on completing his job and getting paid.

Feeling completely humiliated, you forced yourself to follow his directions just to get this over with.

Revising your ovaries was the easy part, once he got to work inside your vagina was when you expressed your displeasure through a whimper.

“You’ll be fine” The doctor attempted to reassure you “Just get on top of the seat, and rest your feet on the sides”

You followed. Once reclined all the way to the back, you closed your eyes and tightened your grasp on the arm support, knuckles whitening as you anxiously waited for the contact of the cold tool of his selection.

When inside, you would whine and flinch whenever he brushed a particular sensitive area that would reminisce you of the pain you felt when intimate with your husband, a reaction that did not go unnoticed by the doctor who glanced at the nearby monitor broadcasting the pinkish colors of your walls for all to see.

“Does it hurt?”

“Y-yes” you mumbled honestly.

“Of course it does, you have tears inside your vagina”

“W-what?” a gasp escaped your lips, you imagined that was your predicament, but hearing it out loud sounded much cruder than you would’ve liked.

“How did that happen? Again with the pills?” Naoya peered over the doctor's shoulder and back to the screen, not understanding how he could’ve gotten that verdict.

“These tears” he points at the unusual red spot now visible in the monitor “are usually caused by the forcible introduction of an object without previous lubrication. She has an alarming number of cuts, but none of them will need stitches”

Stitches?!

“Why didn’t you bring her in before ?” Naoya tensed up, shooting a quick nervous glance at your direction, which fell deaf to your attention as you were too focused on the screen —and perhaps too nervous to confront him—and then back to the man.

“S-she didn’t tell me” was what your husband decided to go with.

“Ah, so a sucker for pain, eh?” The doctor chuckled, a noise that caused you disgust. “Luckily it’s not that bad”

You frowned, Naoya was blatantly lying because you’d had, in fact, told him on various occasions that you were hurting whenever he plunged inside you. But, of course , he didn’t care, and he wouldn’t do so until an expert verified that your concerns were, in fact, not delusions. That was for sure.

But what could this mean…for you ? Would you even heal? Or has your husband ruined you forever?

After the doctor was done, you were free to dress up in your yellow kimono and go back to his office, where he would deliberate the cares you’d have to go under for the next few weeks. It didn't consist of much more than buying a cream that you would have to apply every few hours around your vagina, a vaginal soap for daily use, and some pills to prevent infections.

But the one treatment that Naoya was strongly opposed to was abstinence from sex for roughly 3 weeks.

"Also, I recommend that she gets a pelvic ultrasound and a blood test just to be sure she doesn't have any cysts, and all her other levels are ok. I will write you the order and where to get them done, and that’ll be all—The payment will be with the receptionist. If you have any questions, you can contact me at this number."

"Wait, doctor, what do you mean I can’t—”

"A stress-free environment will also ensure a speedy recovery” The man glanced at the watch in his arm, realizing that his break was due soon. He quickly ushered the couple out of the office, not leaving any more time for Naoya to bicker about his treatment. “Until then, I'm sure you'll find a way to kill time, take her out for dinner or something, I don’t know. Goodbye."

The doctor slammed the door shut, preventing your husband’s words from escaping their confines.

Naoya groaned as the urge to slam his fist against the door was growing too much to bottle, but the presence of the observing receptionist held him back.

Instead, his eyes traveled towards your direction, hoping to see the kind of reaction you’d have on your face.

Would it be happiness, because under official orders , you’ll be able to stay away from him? A cocky grin spreading your lips, ready to rub it in his face that you were always right and that he should’ve listened to you sooner?

No. The face that received him was far from the emotions he suspected you to carry, and instead, portrayed a more realistic rendition of your thoughts, one that he couldn’t define as sadness or resentment. But a strong sentiment nonetheless.

Naoya’s mind couldn’t formulate a reasonable justification of why you could be sorrowfully reserving your thoughts to yourself; asides from thinking that you were worried that you wouldn’t be able to carry a child —even if the doctor said time would fix that situation— or that he didn’t listen to your warnings.

If the former were the case, then he could be understanding; compassionate, even.

Yet, you weren’t the only affected.

He too was depriving himself from being a father (which he didn’t want to be) and from your body (the real reason he was bitter). He could admit he had messed up when not listening to you, now that the doctor proved you were not lying. All that was left to do was follow your treatment and hope for the best.

But as quietly stood behind him as he paid the receptionist, later exiting the office and going to the elevator…he began to realize he didn’t like this aspect of yours. Your eyes were lowered and dark, void of any glimmer and definitely pitiful.

An hideous aspect that covered the beauty he knew you had.

He much preferred you emotionless, at least he wouldn’t feel guilty about it.

However, as sad as your exterior portrayed itself to be, deep inside, you were furious .

Because all of your sufferings, once again, were caused by his actions.

You could confidently say this whole ordeal irritated you:

From Naoya failing to understand that his aggressions to you could hold serious repercussions, to how he only asked about matters directly affecting him, it was easy to understand that you were never his equal, and took you out of the estate by duty rather than genuine concern.

And the doctor’s professionalism left much to desire. Both men were obviously cut by the same cloth.

Nonetheless, you were glad that something positive came out of this.

When he requested Naoya to stay away from you for around 3 weeks, you couldn’t have been happier. It was the first time an external force had managed to complete the task you desperately fought to achieve—a feat that you would take advantage of.

However, you were sad it had to get to these extremes in order to cause a change. Sacrificing your health, with the possibility of this affecting your body in the long term…just to put a stop to his abuse.

You hoped your sacrifice wasn’t in vain, and that it bought you enough time to make your escape.

For now, your only wish is to get your medicine, head back to your staff, and sleep for the rest of the day. You could plan tomorrow, when you are in a much better mood.

You quietly trailed the path back to the car —trying to not show yourself too eager to leave— and placing your hand on the door handle, pulling it open.

It was only until now that you realized the car had yet to be unlocked, and that Naoya wasn’t anywhere near you.

You looked around, wondering where Naoya could’ve seen that distracted him from leaving, eventually finding him still standing by the elevator.

Naoya didn’t know what possessed him.

Perhaps it was the guilt of having misjudged you without reason, or the urge to prove himself as the providing husband, but something about your sorrowful face and quiet demeanor struck a nerve deep inside him, and wanting to follow the suggestions of his doctor, he formulated a request that thought would help you get some distraction, and hopefully, some recognition for him as well:

“Want to get something to eat?”

Too inundated by negative thoughts, and shocked by his imprudent offer, you didn’t take a second to consider his suggestion, and quickly shook your head.

“I want to go back”

“After we get something to eat” Naoya gestured with his head at the elevator door “I’m starving, aren’t you? I’ll even pay” he tried to play it off with a smirk, which only had you rolling your eyes. Luckily, the distance between the two didn’t allow him to see your reaction.

It’s not like I have any money anyways you thought.

“...Fine” you mumbled and retracted your hands from the lock.

It’ll be quick, you try to motivate yourself, you just have to ignore him.

Naoya decided to take you to a local shopping mall that had a food court, which coincidentally also had one of his favorite fast-food chains.

He rarely allows himself to indulge in fast food, since he tends to keep good care of his body, but it had been a while since he last ate any street food and he was already outside, might as well take advantage of the situation.

“Don’t stay behind” He placed his hand over yours and pulled your body to the front, where he could have a good look at you. “I don’t want you to get lost”

Although it was almost impossible for him to lose sight of your persona, since you were the only woman in sight to be wearing a kimono. This led to many onlookers to stare longer than he would’ve liked, but pride filled him when his mind suggested they were jealous of his possession over you. Something they would never have.

In reality, their observations came from experiencing the unusual sight of a young woman wearing a traditional attire, since most now preferred casual everyday clothes, and the only ones still holding a piece of culture being those of older age. In a way, a realistic portrayal of the ideals that ruled the Zen’in clan.

You, on the other hand, failed to share his perspective, and in fact, despised the notion that even after you left the doctors office, you were still treated like a freak.

It didn’t take long before the two of you arrived at what would be the food court—with the combined scents of food having you salivating as soon as the smell hit your nostrils.

It had also been a while since you last ate junk food, your stomach instead being filled with what many would consider rabbit food, courtesy of the strict diet your ladies prepared. Not that it was flavorless but…it isolated you from indulging in small treats. Not even once were you allowed to eat a sweet.

Maybe Naoya’s offer wasn’t as ill-advised as you initially thought, and would be able to get something out of it.

Your eyes darted through the many businesses and what they offered; and all of them were appetizing to you.

They had a wide arrangement of fried food, from ones that you managed to recognize as establishments you’ve tried before with your friends, to completely new ones you have yet not ventured to try.

There were so many! Having to choose one was an almost impossible effort. Maybe if you had a coin you could—

“Let’s get this one” Naoya pointed to an establishment on the right side of the court. One that had a large sign on top where it described the name of the business as well as the food they provided. Noodles, in their majority.

Right , your eyes narrowed. You didn’t think you would be able to choose your own food, did you?

However, the menu that one of the workers handed to you once you arrived did not disappoint.

It held a variety of dishes and drinks to choose from, all incredibly greasy compared to the food back at the house, and definitely alluring to the eye.

Once again, you were sure you’d have a difficult time choosing one option out of the many, but thankfully there was a moderately long line of 5 customers waiting ahead of you to be served. More than enough time to try out the customer’s favorite , 1 bowl of noodles of your choosing, a dessert, and a drink.

You looked up at Naoya, ready to inform him you were ready to order, only to flinch when you realized when he had been glancing down at the menu in your hands. Your reaction caused him to raise an eyebrow and smirk mockingly.

“What? Did you see a—”

“Naoya, is that you?” A voice managed to cut through the noise of the crowd and the words of your husband. It was high pitched and toned a bit shrieky, undeniably a female’s voice. “Naoya!”

“Huh?” Your husband looked around to the one who called him, his eyes eventually landing on the brunette woman who he’d quickly recognized as one of his previous flings. Fuck! He cursed. Exactly what he didn’t need to deal with right now. “Why are you ignoring my calls? They eventually stopped going through, did you change numbers?” she asked, completely ignoring your existence (not bothering to check if he was busy to begin with), as she placed her hand over her hip.

“Yeah— What are you doing here?” he nervously asked.

“I work here” she frowned “At a department store on the second level. I thought I told you…?”

Once the two began to exchange words, your mind tuned them out, preferring to focus once again on the menu before you. You had no reason to meddle in their conversation, nor the interest.

However, the thought of Naoya knowing other women stung you in an inexplicable way, and you begin to think that maybe he wasn’t telling the truth back at the doctor’s office.

Because this is exactly what you needed, to also be ridiculed in your own marriage.

“Well, aren’t you going to say something?” She pressed Naoya further, who really didn’t want to deal with her at this precise moment.

However…this was a situation he never thought he would find himself in.

While you were reserved and doubtful when it came to reciprocating his feelings or acknowledging his efforts, there were others who were far more eager to get a glimpse of his attention. Such as this woman, which he quickly discarded after one night, but somehow managed to create a meaningful impact to keep her hooked on him.

He could certainly use this moment to remind you of all the things you would lose if you didn’t defend what’s yours and start behaving as his wife .

A malicious plan began to form in his mind, one that intended to make most of your reaction.

“Ah, haha, you’re right!” He chuckled, the noise causing you to feel apprehensive. “I did change my number, and lost all of my contacts”

“Gee, Naoya! You made me worried there. And here I thought you had forgotten about me” the woman laughed. It remained the same obnoxious noise that always irritated him. A sting of disappointment sails across his chest as he realizes he had never heard your laughter.

He thinks it would be a nice sound.

“Just been busy, that’s all” your husband shrugs.

“Give me your phone! I’ll type my number down for you”

He thinks this would’ve been the perfect moment for your reaction.

He imagines you setting your foot down and snapping at the other woman , effectively telling her off and ordering her to leave her husband alone. The feeling of having two women fighting for him gives him a rush of validation, for he thinks he is a great catch and many would kill just to have him as a friend.

But…it doesn’t happen.

Instead, you just stay there. Seemingly unaffected by his actions as you continue looking through the menu, deciding on what to try first.

You were partly indifferent to his games, since you assumed he only did this to toy with you…

But the fact that he decided to play this out now, not even an hour after you were told a hard-to-swallow truth about your condition, made you hurt.

But the proof that he could be nice, and he decided to be like that with a stranger, and not to you, his wife , hurt you more.

Ignorant to one another’s sentiments, the two of you stand in silence as the brunette wonders where this tension is coming from, but doesn’t stop her from anxiously waiting for her lover’s phone.

Eventually, Naoya is irked by your inaction, and decides to call off his operation.

“Get the fuck away from me” Naoya growls at the woman, a sudden change of behavior that has to latter’s mouth gaping and her eyes widening in shock. “I blocked your stupid number in case you didn’t notice. I have no interest in you, in fact, I never did.”

“What?” The woman breathes “What are you talking about? You just said—”

“I know what I said. Take the fucking hint , can’t you see I found someone infinitely better?” you sense he was referring to you and you hastily turned to the woman who was now seething with anger and jealousy. Your eyes went round as she strides to your direction.

“Is this your girl now? This—this servant ?” She attempted to insult your choice of wardrobe, although many passersby had already noted with muted murmurs how beautiful and intricately constructed it was. In fact, she too considered your kimono to be on the expensive side of the spectrum, she just didn’t know how to attack you where it would hurt. “This ugly bi—”

“Please refrain from insulting me” you contended “I don’t know you. And you can do whatever you want with him, we’re nothing but strangers.”

“What the fuck ?” The woman replied “She doesn't even care about—”

“I had enough of your bickering, get lost before I call the police” Naoya threatened one last time, enough to quiet the commotion.

The woman lost all words as she looked at you, and then at him, and eventually to the crowd that began surrounding them when she released her initial shriek.

Naoya’s determined gaze was enough to give the clear impression she wasn’t wanted, and hoping to preserve the last of her dignity, she huffed and hurried away, presumably to her work place to begin her shift.

The altercation left you with a sour aftertaste in your mouth and heart rapidly beating. You were never one to confront strangers, as was a very nerve-wracking action to pull, but you weren’t going to allow her to attack you just because she desired so.

Your eyes ultimately glanced up at the worker, who had seen the whole interaction in front row seats, and you gently apologized with a bow for having to witness this undesirable exchange, even though you too, an innocent bystander.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Naoya spoke up.

“I told her to stop insulting me” You reminded him.

“No , you know damn well what I meant” He hissed, clenching his jaw.

“You’re free to do whatever you want” You had no intention of entertaining him, not when you were only being brought forward to be humiliated and attacked. He could’ve easily diffused the situation, dismissed her, or straight up ignored her, but he decided against it because it was in his nature to not care for anyone else but him and his sick games.

“A proper wife would’ve defended what’s hers” Naoya stated as to conclude this discussion, but if anything, this ignited your indignation even further. “It’s pathetic for a woman to act that way—a shame really.”

You could literally hear something inside you snap as he insulted you one last time. You didn’t care if everyone saw you, nor if they heard you. He clearly didn’t care, never did, what difference would it make if you lowered yourself to his level?

“What is your problem, Naoya?” You retorted, and like a volcano ready to erupt, you began to release all of your emotions. “I stand out of your way and let you do whatever you want. I let you treat me like garbage, I let you talk shit about my family, I allowed you to paint me as the irresponsible woman who doesn’t care about her health in front of the doctor, and I even allowed you to push my sister away. And it’s still not enough!—What else do you want from me ?! ”

Naoya never expected, of all reactions, for you to choose this route.

This sudden outburst of emotion was something he would’ve preferred to avoid, if not completely ignore.

But now that he was forced to deal with it, he didn’t know how to react that didn’t entail responding with the same energy.

He favored dealing with you in a secluded area, perhaps on the parking lot or even the estate (seemingly forgetting that his father and brother would hear).

But the one thing he was sure, was that he couldn’t allow you to disrespect his authority.

“If you hadn’t acted the way you did, perhaps I wouldn’t have done all of those things” he snapped back, his face now decorated with the most hateful scowl you’ve ever seen him bare. This sent a shock of fear down your spine, and tears began to form in the corners of your eyes.

You felt minimed, forgotten, brushed aside and virtually invisible.

But this moment was the only one you had to defend yourself, and you quickly composed yourself to retaliate his defamatory claims.

“My fault ?! Have you seen yourself in a mirror recently?!” You spat, a hot tear sliding down your cheek “You fucking prick, entitled b-bastard! N-None of this would’ve happened if you listened, none of this would’ve occurred if you —if you were an actual human being!” You sobbed as you landed the last shot intended to hurt him.

Your head began to pound and your sight was turning blurry. Your throat constricted as the pain of his abuse surfaced to levels you never thought obtainable.

Your voice was unwillingly higher than you wanted, further catching the attention of the surrounding crowd, but you didn’t care. You had to stand up for yourself, if only once in your life. “You’re a terrible, pathetic excuse of a man, and I much rather die than continue being in this sham of a marriage I never wanted to begin with!!”

It was undeniable that fate was written against you. You must’ve done something in your past life to deserve this punishment, or were you paying for the sins of your ancestors?

However, the Zen’in heir thinks your punishment is not sufficient.

Having had enough of your spoiled attitude, Naoya decides to take control of the situation.

“Fine ” Your husband seethes. "I might as well grant your wish" He forcefully grabs your arm and drags you to the exit, down to the street and back to the parking lot, away from the judging eyes of the visitors and their worried whispers asking each other if they should call the police or keep out of their business.

Throughout the whole way you were struggling and fighting against his hold. Your attempts were received by contempt on his part, his grasp tightening to the point where you cried he was hurting you. But it did not stop.

You still fought against him, but a man who has spent earnestly training his physique, as well as being taller than you, this feat was impossible.

Once at the parking lot, your yells began to echo through the building, and whoever was on the other floors believed they were in the midst of a banshee.

Nonetheless, your cries were cut short once Naoya opened the door to the passenger's backseat and threw you inside, the thud of your body against the seat caused him no concern as he rushed to the driver's seat and quickly ignited the engine, driving carelessly through the streets and to the estate.

The fear you had for your life exponentially grew by the second as you managed to recollect yourself and push your body up.

Your eyes eventually landed in the rear-view mirror, where the gaze of the devil looked back at you.

“If you think that was cruel, then you have no idea what I’m capable of”

I’ll show you what it is to fall out of my favor .

#naoya zen'in x reader #naoya zenin x you #naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #jjk fic #jjk smut #jjk imagines #jjk x you #jjk naoya #series: first it hurts—

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yuueee · 4 years ago

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𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 fire lord! zuko x fire lady! reader

authors note: Firstly I just want to apologize for the hiatus, I want to be more active from now on! I’m starting finals next week so I’ll thankfully be done with this semester soon and will also have more time to write. Anyways I hope you enjoy!! I also want to apologize if Zuko is ooc here.

requests:

First of all, your tumblr looks sooooo cool! I’m looking forward to reading all of your future work! Imagine this: Zuko is annoyed by people constantly asking him about a future heir, but when one day his friends also start to ask, and even his uncle and his own mother join the baby fever train, it’s too much for him so he complains about it to his wife who only reassures him with her lovely self and her understanding smiles, not telling him yet that she is in fact pregnant. What do you think ?

Can you write an imagine with zuko who is clearly, utterly and soooo obviously in love with the reader (outgoing, courageous, loving) and maybe with the prompt “So you...well...I mean...I could give you a massage?” Thank you a lot! ^^

As the current Fire Lord and Lady, it wasn’t uncommon for the citizens of the Fire Nation to be deeply invested in your relationship - it was to be expected especially due to the uncommon nature of your union. What you weren’t expecting were Zuko’s close friends and relatives being wrapped up in your business as well. Being outside of team avatar, you were naturally more welcoming to his friend's constant questioning, but Zuko on the other hand was not. He couldn’t understand why they cared so much all of the sudden. They hadn’t been as interested when he was in a relationship with Mai - so why did they care so much now?

It wasn’t as if you weren’t getting along with his friends or family - you got along with them quite well and were very loved by them in fact. Outside of them though, you weren’t always as welcomed, unfortunately, the Fire Nation was still coming to terms with having the daughter of an Earth Kingdom General as their Fire Lady. The arranged marriage was put in place to solve several different ‘problems’. After Zuko broke up with Mai several years ago, he hadn’t begun dating anyone else due to being so busy but he’d eventually be expected to have an heir in the next coming years.

Although they had gotten better, tensions among the Earth Kingdom Colonies were still high and both sides were having difficulty keeping them under control. Eventually, an agreement was made for the daughter of a high-ranking Earth Kingdom General to marry Zuko - that daughter being yourself. Arranged marriages certainly weren’t unheard of in either nation - but a union of this sort was definitely unique.

Though he certainly wasn’t thrilled about it, Zuko understood that it was for the good of the people - and it wasn’t like there was anything he could do about it anyway. Even with his position as the recently crowned Fire Lord there still wasn’t much he could do.

On the other hand, you understandably had some issues coming to terms with your new situation at first. Despite being known by those around you as friendly and just a joy, in general, to be around - the woman Zuko had first met was quite the opposite. He could recall it like it was yesterday. Though it was awkward and stressful at the time, he now considered it to be the best day of his life.

“She’s in there.” A female servant whispered to the young man quietly, as if she didn’t want to speak loud enough for you to hear from your place at the balcony.

“Thanks,” he replied with a soft smile, bidding the elderly woman goodbye as she shuffled down the hallway. Turning towards you he was faced with a warm tropical breeze. His advisors had arranged for the two of you to meet a couple of weeks before that dreaded day, and for some reason, they thought Ember Island was the appropriate place. A combination of anxiety and general distaste for being on the island was causing him to be quite stressed - which led him to be more awkward than usual.

“Um, hello?” he spoke up faintly, as if not to startle you. He was sure you heard him come in, but you hadn’t turned around since he entered the small room. You stood several feet away with your hands placed on the railing, your [hair-texture] locks sifting gently with each gust of wind along with your predominantly red clothing. It was against what you had wanted to wear that day but it didn’t seem as if you had much a say in anything going on in your life recently.

You understood that doing this would be for the greater good of the Earth Kingdom and that your situation could technically be worse. You could have been married off to some old creep - but if you were being honest with yourself being married to the Fire Lord sounded just as bad. As you turned around though, you were surprised at the face you were met with.

He had a much younger face than you had expected, but the slight hollowness of his cheeks and the worry lines on his forehead told you that he had experienced things beyond his years. He also happened to be quite handsome - not that you wanted to admit it though. You had been bent on hating him ever since your father told you who you’d be wedding.

He was the leader of the Fire Nation, of course, you would hate him! The country that has had a century-long reign of terror on the world - and now you found yourself engaged to their leader. What had you done so wrong in your life to deserve this?

As much as you wanted to plan on running away the first chance you got, you knew deep inside that it would only cause tensions to increase and more issues to arise. You wanted the best for the residents of the Earth Kingdom, so you agreed to go through with it, but did so resentfully - which you had every right to feel that way.

But as you glared up at the young male next to you and tried to keep your attention off of the scar over his left eye - you couldn’t help but wonder what if this was the man who joined the avatar in defeating the Fire Lord? He wasn’t what you expected at all. Standing in full armor with his hair holding the fire nation insignia in a top knot - he looked awkward and out of place. You almost felt bad for him - keyword is almost.

“What do you need Fire Lord?” you questioned him, turning your gaze back to the rushing waters of the ocean.

“Um,” he faltered slightly, probably not anticipating your response. “I just wanted to introduce myself-“

“I know who you are.” you brushed him off, turning around and walking towards him - grabbing his collar and pulling him to your height. “We might be getting married but if you think for a second I will ever be nice to you, you are sadly mistaken.” you hissed at him before letting him go and walking out of the door.

Zuko couldn’t recall how long he stood there watching your form leave, all he remembered was standing there like an idiot with a red face. He hadn’t expected you to like him of course but he surely wasn’t expecting that.

As he reminisced on memories long ago while sipping his Uncle’s tea, he couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his features. As stated earlier, It may have been an unpleasant memory back then but now he considered the day he met you to be the best day of his life. Though your relationship had surely faired through many complications for a while in the beginning - surprisingly, you became fond of Zuko over the years.

It was certainly a long time coming but that strange friendship you two shared eventually evolved into love against all odds. That didn’t mean you weren’t constantly giving him an ear full (as you should tbh) your first months together. But as time progressed and you learned that he may not have been the evil prince that you had heard so much about, at least not anymore.

He wasn’t that same angsty teenager he had been years ago looking for the avatar, he was now a young adult growing quite well into the position of the Fire Lord - which was no easy feat. Taking another sip of tea, he watched his Uncle and Mother come to take a seat with him.

“How is it, Nephew?” His Uncle asked with a mischievous grin and a raise of two bushy eyebrows - albeit already knowing the answer.

“It’s great as always Uncle,” Zuko responded with a small smile, his Uncle's expression making him just a bit concerned, causing his Mother to chuckle. Though she had gained a few wrinkles over the past couple of years, she was still as radiant as she had been in her youth. She was also much happier being able to live with the family she had been apart from for many years without fearing Ozai’s intervention. It came with a price though - it seemed as if her relationship with her estranged daughter who was now on the run would never be resolved. She never lost hope though.

“Zuko,” his mother began speaking, catching the young Fire Lord’s attention with a raise of his eyebrows. “When are you going to give me a grandchild?” She asked teasingly, eager to see his reaction. In turn, her son had barely kept himself from spitting out the mouthful of tea.

“Why do you ask that?” He choked out in between a series of coughs with Iroh patting his back gently.

“You haven’t?” She asked in between chuckles, noticing how her son got bewildered at the mention of having children of his own. “You know you’ll eventually have to have an heir at some point right?”

“It’s not that I haven’t thought about it... but Y/N and I are just really busy.” He thought aloud, wishing he could run a hand through his hair - but was unable to since it was pinned in a top knot.

“Zuko, you never know when you’ll get this time of peace again. What better time to raise a child?” Iroh reassured, wiggling his eyebrows. Letting out a groan, the young Fire Lord attempted to mentally prepare himself to go through this same conversation every time he visited his family.

Over the next couple of weeks, the constant badgering he received from his friends and close relatives started to frustrate him further, so who could he turn to? You of course.

Being married for several years now, you were more than used to Zuko’s rants, so you simply just reclined on the bed with an eyebrow raised as he paced back and forth.

“I don’t get it! Why is everyone so concerned about when we’re going to have a child or not?” He questioned seemingly no one as you attempted to keep your face from contorting into a smile. It wasn’t as if you didn’t understand his frustrations, it was just funny to watch, especially since you were already pregnant.

You were surprised that he hadn’t noticed honestly, with you staying in for the past few days due to feeling sick. Who could blame him though? It wasn’t as if he wasn’t attentive and loving as a husband, he was extremely busy as of recent-and also just dense at times. After noticing his silence for a few moments as he looked over the balcony, you decided that maybe this could be the perfect time to tell him.

Getting up and sneaking behind him, you snaked your arms around his waist and turned so you could see his face. He let out an audible sigh of what sounded like relief before returning your smile and your hug.

“You want a head massage?” You questioned pulling away, wiggling your fingers playfully.

“Please.”

For the past couple of years, Zuko had been letting his hair grow out so now it rested around his shoulders.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” You started tentatively, but as usual, he was too caught up in the sensation of your fingers raking across his scalp to entirely understand what you were saying, so he just nodded in response. “I’m pregnant.” You stated plainly, ceasing your scratching. Not getting a response for a few moments, you turned to face him with a worried expression.

Much to your surprise he was grinning up at you and placed a warm hand on your cheek. “Really?”

“Yes. I’m sorry it took me so long to tell y-“ you were abruptly cut off by him pulling you into another hug and placing a kiss on the crown of your head. “So you’re happy about it?”

“Couldn’t be happier.” He responded sincerely, leaning into your shoulder so you couldn’t see the redness on his cheeks.

Maybe your family and friends would finally leave the two of you alone now?

taglist: @practicallylivesonline @chewymoustachio

#Zuko imagine #Zuko x reader #Zuko x you #zuko x y/n #avatar x reader #avatar imagine #avatar x you #avatar x y/n #atla #atla x you #atla x reader #atla imagine #atla x y/n #avatar the last airbender #avatar #Zuko

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yesimwriting · 3 years ago

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Crossing lines

General Kirigan/the darkling x reader

Summary: This was requested by my friend @vvsdiamond28 who also writes and has a really good kirigan x reader story up right now! The request was basically for a fic in which the reader is out wandering at night and runs into kirigan while he’s in the banya and then they get to talking and some other stuff before he admits to only trusting the reader and giving her his real name. This gets kinda steamy bc of the request and bc the story called for it lol but it’s not full smut bc i decided that it would be better to do that as a part 2 so that i could add some jealousy tension haha

a/n i think im back?? Ive been working on requests a lot and ive really enjoyed writing regularly again. A small side note, after rewatching revenge of the sith im kinda in the mood to try writing an anakin fic 😭 pls he was my OG fictional crush,, so either send help or a request for him or something, Anyways,, back to this fic--ahh i had fun writing it but i still feel awkward writing steamier stuff so be nice!!

Those that wander in the night, lost in uneasy thought--there’s probably a lot that can be said about them. But I can’t think of anything to be said about me. Nothing good comes from walking around a place full of powerful and tense people in the middle of the night. It wouldn’t take much effort to interpret my actions as suspicious, and yet I continue forward. I’m an idiot--just because I can’t sleep doesn’t mean I have to wander around campgrounds. My presence is barely tolerated here, I shouldn’t try backstroking in waters I can barely tread.

But still, I walk, eyes more fixated on the open night sky than anything else. The moon is as full as an overflowing glass, the stars twinkling as if desperate to compete with a light it will never be able to duplicate. I sigh, pressing my lips together. Maybe the stars and I have more in common than I thought. Normally, that would be a good thing.

Letting out a weary breath, I continue forward, away from the relative safety of the main tents. I’m still on the grounds, I’m approaching the border where the tents of higher ranking officials are. That should make me more nervous, but if anything it almost eases me slightly.

General Kirigan is not the type to be friendly, and yet our interactions have always been laced with a touch of intimacy I can’t quite explain. We’ve been alone together more and more frequently, and I think that’s how I like him best. It’s strange, but when we’re alone some of his sharpness dulls, leaving space for something I might consider humor or actual personality on anyone else. He probably speaks to many girls like that when they’re alone together--a fact I have to fight to remind myself of--but it’s the closest thing to friendship I have here. Maybe it’s foolish to hold onto that, but I can’t bring myself to release my grip on those sentiments. At least not yet, when the kind moments are still rare and fleeting and no line has been crossed.

The danger, however, comes from the prospect of not recognizing lines before they’re crossed. Even now, as I walk aimlessly in the night, pacing in hopes of exhausting my thoughts, I’m crossing lines in a much more literal way and even these are ill defined. I must be in new territory now, and even that I can only vaguely recognize because of the strangely humid scent that surrounds this area of the grounds.

I’m near the banya. I didn’t intend to wander here, but the thought of splashing water on my face is too tempting to pass up on. I move closer, finding a sense of peace in having some direction, even in a small way.

When the promise of water is only steps away, I begin to regret everything. There’s a figure in the bath. I freeze, ready to attempt to shrink away in hopes of disappearing before I’m caught. This could easily turn extremely awkward even though I technically haven’t done anything. Most people don’t bathe at this hour. Who bathes this late at night?

I keep my eyes on the individual, trying to make out who they are and how aware they are of their surroundings in the dim light. Pale skin, dark hair--unbelievably attractive torso. My eyes linger there longer than they should. I force my gaze upwards, towards their face as if that can erase my ogling. Embarrassment leaves my face burning--I’m not the ‘ogling’ type, and this person doesn’t even know I’m here. I keep my eyes on them as I step back, taking in unaware features as best I can in the dark.

I know them--I--Saints, it’s Kirigan.

Fantastic. Of course he has to be even more impossibly attractive while shirtless and wet. I turn my head upwards sharply, more desperate to not be caught than ever. I would never, ever recover from being caught. Whether he’d tease me or be angry with me, I don’t know. I also don’t know which option I’d prefer.

I step back again, my gait wider due to my urgency. Snap. The sound of both a twig and my chance of a stealthy escape being shattered. I cringe, craning my neck to the left in a desperate attempt to make it clear that I wasn’t watching him. I take another desperate step, ready to duck behind a nearby tree. Maybe he hasn’t seen me--maybe he’s distracted and assumed that some kind of rabbit or something passed by. He may not actively dislike me, but I’m not sure any semblance of favor he may have for me extends to this situation.

“Y/n.” His tone reveals nothing but his level of certainty. Ignoring him will only make me seem guilty.

I pause, keeping my gaze off of him. “Yes.” It wasn’t really a question, and yet I still answer it like one. “I was--I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d get some air, and I was walking kind of aimlessly and I ended up here and I didn’t think anyone would be here.” Why do I feel like I’m making this situation worse? “I’m sorry--I’m gonna--I’m going to go now.” This is the kind of embarrassing moment that will come back to me when I’m trying to fall asleep at night. I know it.

“You know the polite thing to do after intruding is to make eye contact.”

I don’t think my face has ever felt this warm before. At least he doesn’t sound angry, but his voice doesn’t reveal that much. I raise my gaze carefully, turning my head slowly. “I didn’t mean,” I exhale slowly, “It wasn’t my intention to intrude.”

He straightens slightly at my words, exposing more of his chest. I stay still, eyes trained on his to avoid an accidental lapse. “You could make it up to me by offering conversation.” Kirigan’s tone is deliberate, his words measured and calm. I don’t speak, feeling like I’m being presented a test I don’t understand, but most of our conversations leave me feeling like that. “Only if you’re comfortable.”

And just like that, I’m backed into a corner. A challenge. To deny him now would be to expose the effect he has on me. My chin raises a fraction of an inch as I take in that assured half-smirk. “Why wouldn’t I be comfortable?”

Kirigan arches a dark brow, assessing my response. “Then sit,” his voice has not changed, “You want air and I want company.”

I don’t think anyone that looks as good as he does shirtless has ever had trouble finding company, especially with the smooth way he speaks. Despite this, I step forward to accept his challenge without calling him out on his coyness. Each step is the crossing of another invisible line until I’m near the water’s edge. I make sure to keep my nightgown at a respectable length as I sit down.

I make a point of extending my legs towards the water while leaning back so that I can’t be easily accused of being a coward. “I feel the need to warn you that I might not make particularly interesting company.”

He angles his head to the side slightly, drawing attention to his jawline and neck. I force my stare to focus on the water. “I’ve never found you uninteresting.”

There’s something resigned in the way he says this. On instinct, I look up, taking in the slight softening of his features. The release of his usual sternness only adds to his beauty, a fact that I’m already resenting.

“You may be the only one.” It’s not meant to be a deprecating comment, but I’m not sure my partial laugh softens my bitterness. I hope it does--I’d rather his interest than the interest of my entire unit.

Kirigan shifts forward, the water moving with him. “Do you think that any coldness you’re experiencing has to do with you?”

The question has me drawing my eyebrows together. What else could it be? I shrug, “I’ve considered it.”

He nods once, eyes hardening slightly. “Do you always have trouble sleeping?”

The personalness of the question shouldn’t surprise me as much as it does. Kirigan seems to only understand boundaries when he’s the one setting them. “Not really.” A partial lie--this time I’m glad I can’t quite bring myself to look at him. “It’s not uncommon for me, but it’s not something I deal with every night.”

I risk shifting my eyeline when I hear the sound of water moving. Kirigan’s now resting an arm on the rim of the pool, wet skin dangerously close to my ankle and lower calf. “It’s not always easy,” his voice is low now, “Being alone with your thoughts.”

That’s not the kind of reply I’d expect from him. I blink twice before turning to study his expression. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him seem so tired--so weary and human and in need of something. The line between his eyebrows and the far off quality of his eyes leave me with the strong desire to give whatever it is he needs to him. The urge to reach out, to touch him in hopes of breaking him free from his odd trance leaves my stomach knotted. That line is too clear to cross so recklessly.

I need to chase away the serious atmosphere he’s created. “Is that why you bathe so late at night?” I let myself smile, “To avoid thoughts?”

“I like the peace of it.” Something akin to amusement touches his words. “And for the record, little dove,” the nickname is pointed and earns him an eyeroll, “The warm water doesn’t exactly chase away thoughts so much as encourages others.” He pauses. “You understand, considering you can barely look at me.”

This is the most embarrassing thing to have ever happened. The suggestive jilt to his words has to be intentional. Damn him. I turn my head, forcing myself to meet his gaze. “I can look at you just fine.”

“And if I were a Heartrender and could hear your heartbeat your pulse would be normal?” The question is teasing, a small smile pulling at his lips.

The warmth in my face increases, spreading down my neck. Kirigan’s expression remains smug. “You’re not as funny as you think you are.”

“No?” He leans forward, angling his head so close to me I can faintly feel the warmth of his breath on my lower calf. “I find myself amusing.”

At least being around him like this is getting easier. I open my mouth, ready to provide some sarcastic comment I haven’t thought out yet. My mouth clamps shut on instinct when I feel his touch on my ankle. The faint contact quickly grows, his fingers brushing up my ankle and calf, leaving drops of cool water across my skin.

“What are you doing?” That’s a--a fair question, right? I’m not sure, rational thought slipping from me more and more with each passing second.

“Nothing, really,” his reply is quick. “Nervous?”

There is no way he doesn’t know what he’s doing. I roll my eyes, fighting against my instinctual fluster. “No,” a full lie, “You’re just getting me wet.”

“Barely.” When he’s not busy being brooding he’s not much better than an irritating child. He retracts his hand slowly, fingers grazing my skin slowly as he submerges his hand beneath the water. The loss of contact should feel like a victory. It doesn’t. “Y/n,” he shifts closer, back straightening.

There’s an odd seriousness to his demeanor that almost leaves me reeling. “Yes?”

He beckons me forward. I hesitate, but comply, letting myself shift closer to the water’s edge. Kirgan’s lips part, but no words leave him before he moves his arm, purposefully splashing water over my thighs and bottom of my nightgown. I let out an instinctively annoyed sound. “That is getting you wet.”

“Kirigan!” My tone is as menacing as I can make it, but he continues to grin. There’s such a lightness to the look I almost forget to be annoyed. Almost. “I should tell the entire Second Army how much of a child you are.”

My threat does nothing, his smile softening without fading. “They fear me too much for your stories to make a difference.” He says this flatly. “All of them except you.”

I don’t know if I’m supposed to make something of that comment. A brief moment passes in which I think his eyes come close to softening. Maybe that’s a side effect of seeing the world as you want. Wait...what do I want? Him? No, no, I can’t.

Okay, he’s objectively attractive and sometimes I think I may see more depth in him than he wants to be capable of. But that doesn’t mean I’m allowed to want anything with him. Even if he was trustworthy enough for me to be with him in any capacity...even casually, it could never happen. Nothing good could come from having relations with the highest ranked general and I doubt he’d ever want me like that. He likes to fluster people and I’m an easy target. I just accept it because being some level of entertainment to him is better than being nothing to everyone.

“I don’t think there’s much point in fear.” It feels like a fair answer. The fairest answer I can manage, anyways.

He sighs, the sound heavy. His hand stretches forward cautiously. I watch him and make no attempt to stop him from touching my lower calf. His fingers trace absentmindedly across the skin. “Of course you’d think that.”

Again, I don’t know what to make of his words. Or his actions. He couldn’t find anything wrong with me just slightly adjusting my position. It’d be a polite way to remind us both of the natural order of things. But then again, someone like him is allowed to be mad about anything. And I’m not sure I want to remind us of our place.

Actually, I’m completely sure that I want the opposite of that. But admitting that to myself is enough of a risk. I’ve already crossed thousands of tiny lines and what I want will require us to cross a thousand more.

“I’m a little surprised you’re not reminding me how foolish a notion like that can be.”

He lets out a tiny breath as he shifts even closer to me. “Maybe I’m enjoying your foolishness.”

“I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment or the opposite.”

The slightest hint of a smile is visible to me beneath the moon’s glow. There’s something about darkness that adds beauty to things. I wait for him to reply, but instead of speaking his hand moves further up my leg. I struggle to hide my reaction to his long fingers trailing up my skin.

He’s touched me before, sure. Tiny moments in which he’d push a strand of hair out of my face or wipe at a bit of dirt on my cheekbone. More recently, he had gripped my hip firmly to guide me through a crowd of soldiers. He had been in a hurry, stealing me from a conversation with the only member of my unit that’s been somewhat friendly to me. It wasn’t serious--he had just been rushing me because he only had a minute between meetings and apparently he had too long of a day to not take a moment to speak with me.

“Are you alright, Dovey?” Normally, the nickname and all of its variations earns him an eyeroll. But everything is a lot less humorous with his hand half up my lower leg, leaving a trail of cool water wherever he touches.

His fingers press more firmly into my skin. “Yes, I’m fine--it’s just late.”

“Hm…” Kirigan breathes before tilting his head slightly. “You’re warm.” I stay silent as his hand shifts slightly. “Perhaps too warm.”

If I’m hot that has absolutely nothing to do with fever. “I’m fine, General, I promise.”

“Come closer,” he says, “It’ll take me no time to check.”

...A little too convenient. My nightgown is still embarrassingly damp from the last time I eased tonight. “Please tell me you don’t find me that naive.”

“Naive? No.” He lifts his hand slightly. “Warm? Yes.” I still don’t trust him. “I’m not going to do anything. I promise.”

His eyes are dark and the limited lighting of the moon doesn’t offer me much in my analysis, but what I can see makes him seem genuine. “Why do I feel like that’s not the first time you’ve had to say that?” Despite my comment, I move towards him.

The back of Kirigan’s palm is pressed to my forehead for less than a second. He brushes his hand down the side of my temple, rotating his wrist so that his fingertips can touch my cheek. His hand then continues to move down my jawline and then my neck...and then finally trails down my collarbone. I bite my tongue to avoid exhaling audibly at the contact.

“Warm,” he concludes with a tsk, and yet he doesn’t withdraw his hand. “Though that could just have to do with the climate.” His thumb slips beneath the sleeve of my nightgown. “Perhaps you could benefit from joining me.”

I bite my tongue to avoid letting out a surprised, embarrassingly enthusiastic squeak. I don’t know what’s gotten into him...maybe it’s the night air and the prospect of being fully alone. I should be strong enough to break whatever spell he’s starting to place on me. But I’m not. I’m really, really not.

He pulls on the sleeve of my nightgown slightly. “I’m…”

“Unless you’re nervous?” Another damn challenge. To shy away from this would be to expose myself. He tugs on the sleeve a little more assuredly, exposing my shoulder to the humid night. “Do I make you nervous?”

His voice comes out a shallow rasp. I feel it straight in my core. “...Not more than you should.”

“More than I should?”

Ugh--too honest. I let myself get distracted. It shouldn’t be too difficult to explain what I meant. He knows he’s feared. He wants to be feared. “I’m sure we’re both aware that there are a fair amount of cautionary tales revolving around you.”

His hand falls next to my lap. Oh? I didn’t expect to miss the contact between us so much. His expression seems to have fallen slightly as well. Was it my response to his question? It felt fair and straightforward without being too blunt. “And you believe every cautionary tale you hear?”

There’s something stiff about the way he asks the question. His moodiness is making me miss his touchiness even more. At least then I didn’t have to feel like I made a mistake. Did I say something wrong? “Should I?”

“It depends on whether or not you plan on being brave.”

“I told you...I don’t see much point in fear.”

“And yet you’re still there.” A bit of humor returns to his voice. “Why is that?”

Rolling my eyes, I shift forward, letting my legs dip into the water. This is as far as I should let this go. I’ve already lost too much more control. “Better?” He’s strangely tense again, a hint of something bitter playing at the smug look he tries for. “You alright?”

“Of course you’d ask me that.” He says this with a tired sigh. “You can never make things easy.”

“I don’t understand.”

He shifts backwards slightly. I can feel the distance between us like I’d feel a pebble in my shoe. “Do you believe all the stories about me?”

Is he still bothered by that? “I didn’t mean it as literally as you’re taking it. All I meant is that people are intimidated by you, but that’s not a bad thing. It’s the way things have to be, you’re the only Shadow Summoner in existence and the army needs you to be intimidating so that they can act on your guidance.”

“The way things have to be,” he echoes, his voice strangely weighted. “There’s a specific kind of loneliness that comes with being feared by everyone.”

Oh--I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him feel defeated like that. I reach for his hand without thinking, pulling his fingers towards my lap. “I don’t--I’m not scared of you.” It’s a weak attempt to comfort him, but it’s the only one I can think of. “That probably doesn’t mean anything, but I--”

His hand turns in my lap, squeezing the exposed part of my thigh. “It means something.” Kirigan’s voice has hardened in a different way. “You’re the only person I’m certain of.”

Everything in me seems to tighten at that. At the implication of something so personal from someone so closed off. “Kirigan, you don’t have to be as alone as you feel. You talk to me all the time and you do so in a way that makes it easy to forget the cautionary tales.” His hand moves further up my thigh. I fight as I try to remember our usual dynamic. “You’re the only one that talks to me like that.”

“Have you ever considered that maybe the others refuse to take to you because of the favor I’ve shown you? The instinct to stay away from me is strong enough to extend to those around me.” Kirigan’s hand moves higher up my thigh. “To be near me is to involve solitude.”

“I don’t care.” The answer leaves me too quickly. “Being near you is worth it.”

He leans closer before resting his chin on my knee with no hesitation. “Careful, you don’t understand the line you tread.” Kirigan places his hand more firmly between my thighs. “Or perhaps you do...perhaps you know what you want to cross.”

This time I can’t help the airy sigh that leaves me. Kirigan pushes against my thigh slightly, separating my legs. I feel his breath on my inner thigh before I know what’s going on. I can’t move, I can’t think, I can’t even breathe. That inability to do anything but feel my heart pound against my chest only worsens as I feel his lips press into the inside of my thigh. His lips trail up my skin before his teeth gently sink into the top of my thigh.

“Is the line you want to cross?” He breathes the question so softly I feel like I’m being coddled. Everything in me feels too hot to think of any kind of coherent response. Kirigan uses his free hand to pull the fabric of my nightgown as high up my thighs as he can from his position below me. “Or maybe this is the line you want to cross?” Kirigan pulls me forward so suddenly I let out a tiny gasp. I’m not fully on the edge of the banya. “Or perhaps this one?” He kisses the skin of my inner thigh gently. Each time I exhale too loudly, his teeth graze my skin. He gets harsher with each passing second. “Lay down.”

My body listens to him on instinct. How is this happening? How am I this powerless to fight against something that’s so clearly wrong? The sound of water shifting causes my entire body to tense. He’s pulled himself out of the water. Kirigan moves above me instantly, water dripping from his toned chest and dark hair and onto my still damp nightgown.

Before I can speak, he’s on me completely, his lips pressing against my jaw. He kisses down my neck, his teeth grazing against my skin sporadically. He pulls away from me by tracing his tongue across my collar bone. I let out something dangerously close to a moan. “Such pretty, little sounds.”

“Kirigan--”

“The only name I want you to hear from your lips is the only name that I’ve not given myself. The only name that holds meaning to me.”

His lips graze where my skin meets the hem of my now soaked through nightgown. I’m not sure the poor lighting is offering me enough coverage now. There’s no way the thin fabric leaves much to the imagination while being this wet. He kisses up my chest and neck until his lips reach the shell of my ear.

“Aleksander.” The name is grace in the form of a breath so soft it’s more like I’m feeling the name than actually hearing it.

He presses his lips against the spot on my neck directly beneath my ear. I exhale into the contact. “Aleksander.” As I test his true name on my tongue, his teeth dig into my skin much more harshly than before.

I let out a partial squeak at the sudden shift in pace as his hands grip my waist. “Say it again. Say my name again.”

He traces his tongue gingerly over the skin he just aggravated with his teeth before I can speak. The soothing sensation is so much I can barely find my voice. “Aleksander.”

His hand bunches the bottom of my nightgown, raising the fabric to my hips. “...Say it just like that.” Kirgan’s rough hand slips between the bone of my hip and the fabric of my hip. “Like I’m the only one that knows you like this.”

“Aleksander.” I breathe as he traces invisible patterns into my skin with his lips. “Aleksander.” Each use of his name earns me extra attention--a stronger hold on my hip, a more adamant nip at the base of my neck. I feel my need for him so heavily I swear it’s leaked into my bones. “Aleksander.”

When he pulls away, I fight the urge to whine. The night is still humid, but with the absence of his touch I feel like I’m shivering. He regards me silently for a long moment before shifting his weight again. I feel my heart stall in my chest as his hand softly brushes a strand of hair out of my face. He lets his hand linger there, at the apple of my cheek. The entire world seems to stall as he leans down, his hand cupping the side of my face as his mouth inches closer to mine.

“I can feel the fluttering of your heart.”

Any poor defense dies in my throat as his lips meet mine. He gives me no time to think about what’s happening as he presses into me even harder. Kirigan holds my face as his teeth graze against my bottom lip. My mouth opens slightly in surprise, giving him the opportunity he needs to slip his tongue into my mouth. His tongue slowly brushes against mine, coaxing me into total, delirious, compliance. When he starts to pull away, I react, my hands flying forward to grab his hair. He lets me get away with tugging him towards me, prolonging the kiss as he bites my bottom lip.

One of his hands leaves my face and travels up the hands holding onto his hair. He pulls me off of him easily, pinning both of my wrists above my head with one hand. “Easy,” Kirigan warns, “You’ve been such a good girl, let’s not ruin it before we’ve started.”

A tiny sigh leaves me. I can feel the pride he takes in that as his hand trails further down my body. His fingers ghost along the hem of my underwear teasingly.

“Is someone there?” I’ve never damned the voice of a stranger more.

Panic and dread roll in my stomach. I’m going to get caught like this, with my nightgown bunched at my hips beneath the General Kirigan. An unclothed, wet, General Kirigan. “I’m bathing.”

Okay...good...Aleksander spoke. Anyone with common sense would run at the thought of invading on Kirgan’s privacy. It’s a good thing that the soldier had the sense to linger behind a thicket of bushes. “Pardon General, but there’s been a crucial development. A new strategy should be thought of as soon as possible.”

No. No. The thought of losing contact so entirely, of having a moment that should have never happened be ripped from me before it’s even really happened is overwhelming. I feel my lips pull into a pout. Kirigan’s hand adjusts on me, his thumb pressing teasingly over where I’m neediest. I bite my tongue to avoid making an inappropriate noise.

“Five minutes--I’ll be in the strategy tent in five minutes.”

“I’ll tell the others, General.”

Great. I hear the stranger disappear, his feet crushing twigs and grass as he leaves us. Aleksander’s attention returns to me quickly. Disappointment swells in my chest as I take in the solemn look that crosses his features. His hand moves to my chin quickly before pulling me into another deep kiss. It’s too short lived.

“I have to go.”

Frowning, I lift my hand to trace my fingers up his arm. It’s softer than I should allow myself to be, but it doesn’t really matter anymore. Not when this is probably never going to happen again. “Do you?” I mumble to myself, half joking.

He sighs once, his thumb brushing against my cheek. “No pouting.”

Now that whatever little bubble we were in has popped, I’m capable of normal feelings. Including shame. “I am n--”

“Easy, little dove, I’ll remember all of this when I find you again.”

This...this is going to happen again? “You’re going to find me?”

“I haven’t yet heard your voice crack on my name as I undo you.” He punctuates the promise with a kiss to my jaw. “Again.” Another kiss. “And again.” Another brush of his lips as he finally pulls away. “And again.”

My breath catches itself in my throat as he moves off of me entirely. Damn whatever change in the war that’s pulled him away from me so suddenly. I sit up as he stands. I’m not sure where to look now that he’s not in close enough proximity to cloud my thoughts. I should leave as he dresses, but I can’t quite bring myself to. It doesn’t feel safe, not when the man that interrupted us could reappear at any moment. Not when I want to hold onto his presence like this as long as possible.

He squeezes my shoulder warmly as he passes before bending down to press one more kiss next to where his hand is.

“Soon,” he promises again.

General taglist: @theincredibledeadlyviper, @grishaverse7 @benbarnes-supremacy @tranquilitymoon @kaitlyn2907 @lunamyangel @christinawxxx @deceivedeer @real-mbappe @tonks33

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years ago

Text

Humans are Space Orcs, “Humans 101.”

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I have had the WORST motivation the past few weeks, but I thought you might like to see some more of Krill. Hope you all have a great day!

Krill walked up the university hallway turning his head to look out the window at the vast expanse of space before him. It had been a very long time since he had been to University, in the Vrul sense of the word, which was less like University and more like on the job training, but he had recently accepted an assignment at the Intergalactic Institute of Biological Science. Granted, he wasn’t a real professor, not fully, but an adjunct who had signed on to do a series of lectures for the next few months while he waited for Admiral Vir’s return.

Since Simon had become acting Captain of the ship, it seemed that there was less and less reason for him to be there. She wasn’t experienced enough to take on the real dangerous assignments that the Admiral had excelled at, and due to her rule following nature, and the assignments they were sent on, mostly diplomatic and exploratory in nature, Krill had found less and less use for himself on the ship. He didn’t expect to be gone forever, and he doubted he would be able to leave at this point.

He couldn’t return to his home planet, not now there was a standing order for his termination, which he was planning to avoid with great prejudice. Though he found it wildly Ironic that they had asked him to come teach, when many of the professors at the school were, in fact, other Vrul.

It was with this small piece of amusement that he scuttled into the lecture room: Large and circular with seats rising on all sides and a projection hub right in the middle. The room was already packed full despite him being five minutes early. He had been told his lecture series would be popular, but he hadn’t expected there to be standing room only, and even then, there were students sitting on the floor, and a few Vrul floating in the air high above other students' heads.

He moved to the center of the room to set up his projections and, from the corner of his eye watched as a few of the front row students shifted back slightly. The Tesraki, Rundi and Finnari students didn’t seem to notice, but the Vrul students certainly did, sarong at him like he was some sort of freak.

He could hear the whispering, and he reveled in it.

It was nice to be intimidating sometimes.

Overhead the lights flashed once, and then twice, and the entire room went quiet expectantly looking down at him with their wide eyes.

He drew himself up Resting two of his hands together and another two behind his back as he began pacing his way around the projection field. Students Continued to whisper quietly, “Good morning class, My name is Dr. Krill Galaxy renowned trauma surgeon, and the galactic leading expert in xeno-medicine with an emphasis in humanity.”

There was a uiet muttering around the room.

“I have been acting medical officer aboard the UNSC Omen once Harbinger for more than two years, and I have practiced surgery in hospitals From Andromeda and Irus to the milky way and Earth.”

More shifting wide eyes and some nervous muttering.

He looked around the room shrewdly at all the new faces, “How many of you are interested in working with the intergalactic community.”

A slow raise of hands.

“Then I should probably let you know. Humanity has begun to profuse through all the major sectors of space, business, government, shipping, sales, medical. Humans are everywhere, and humans can do anything. If you wish to work in the wider intergalactic community, you will be working with humans, and many of you will work extremely closely with humans.”

Nervous expressions all around.

“I noticed many of you, the Vrul students especially have noticed the strange effect that spending time with humans can have on an individual.”

He looked around and saw some acknowledgement.

“The colloquial term for it is called the humanizing phenomenon and it will happen to you no matter how hard you try. Scientists have said that you will become more aggressive in order to interact with humans, your movements will become more predatory, you will come to focus on facial cues and the pitch of voices to determine emotion, and soon,you will even begin to utilize human body language in order to communicate better with them.” He motioned to himself, “Out of all the alien species,I have spent the most time with humans, and as you can see, I communicate primarily in a way that humans would understand, mostly with nonverbal body cues. I don’t often use my helium sack as I get in the way with keeping up with humans.” he turned to look around at the room, “Human’s no longer scare me. As pack animals, your social influence is often more important than your physical influence. Given the fact that I have built myself up in social influence within a human pack, I no longer worry myself with being round humans. In fact, I Have never been safer in my entire life.”

His antenna vibrated slightlin amusement, “In fact it is well known that I already have a termination order placed on my head by the Vrul council.”

There was a shocked gasp from certain Vrul parts of the room.

He swaggered about the room a little smugly. He didn’t usually get reactions like this from people.

“They actually took me from an assembly meeting with the GA and brought me back for termination, but one of my humans, as I certainly do consider them mine as much as they consider me theirs, came and rescued me single handedly.”

Another murmuring from around the room.

“How did he do it?”

They waited.

“He used his complex human vocal cords and clapping to simulate a beat. In that way he disabled all the guards, and climbed his way up the guiding rope to the council chamber.”

More soft muttering.

“If you make friends with a human, you are probably as safe as you are ever going to be, especially if you happen to become friends with a very audacious human=, in which case there is nothing that they will not do for you.” He spun on the spot, “Enough for introductions, I will please have you open your files to page one of the textbook, and we will go over a brief discussion of human mechanical anatomy.”

There was a shuffling around the room as Data pads were produced.

Krill brought up an anatomical projection of a human. Looking up it amused him to know that this anatomical model, the one used in almost every nonhuman textbook, was modeled on one single human, that being Adam Vir, all accept for the right leg of course, which was modeled on another human of similar height.

“Humans are are omnivorous bipeds with an endoskeletal structure supported by a vascular system. I know a lot of you have been wrongfully told that humans are primarily carnivores, though that is not true, while human can eat a variety of foods, there are humans that choose to live without eating meat, and they can be sustained on a herbivore diet if they wish. As you can see here, the front facing eyes of the human mark them off as a predator species, though this isn’t always the perfect indicator. Vrul eyes are on the front, but, as we know, Vrul also have prismatic vision that is more closely related that of insects on an earth-like planet.” he glanced around the room, “These predator classifications only exist for a class of alien known as the vascular type, which uses a pump to push fluid through the body. As you know Vrul, Burg, Gromm, and Lumins as well as a few others are not represented in this category.”

“Can anyone tell me which species ARE classified as the vascular subtype.”

There was a raised hand and he pointed, “You there.”

“I can provide a short list sir, Tesraki, Rundi, Humans, and Drev to name a few, but the Drev are a notable outlier for this rule because their war-like culture has supported the slow movement of the eyes towards the front of the face despite them being a herbivore species.”

Krill nodded, “Very good. Yes, humans are in fact a REAL predator species, however it is important to note that the greater 80% of human diets are supported by fruits and vegetables. Based on the amount and distribution of consumed foods, humans are actually closer to herbivores in their dietary choices than they are carnivores.”

There was a soft muttering around the room. Either disbelief or interest, he couldn't tell.

“Historically, humans would have evolved from tree dwelling omnivores, though their diets would also have been primarily fruit, and maybe insects as hunting only really came after they moved to land based travel on two legs. As far as earth animals are concerned, humans are not a top tier predator, and years of life in padded habitats using technology have actually dulled their hunting senses and abilities. A human COULD take a chunk out of you with their teeth, but they certainly wouldn’t WANT to. It would definitely be a last resort. Following that, humans only eat cooked meat as they can grow very sick on consuming certain raw products.”

The class shifted and whispered to each other.

“Yes, I know you have been told many strange and odd things about humans, but most of those are heavily exaggerated. However, it is true that humans are more versatile than most of us. Humans can run, walk, climb, throw, jump and swim, and while they don’t do any of those particularly well, their ability to do all of them to some degree makes them the most versatile alien in the GA. Furthermore humans also have a multitude of senses, ones that are common to most of us balance, heat cold, pain, etcetera, but there is one sense that they have which is very uncommon in the galaxy, and that is a sense of smell.”

All around him, students were taking notes, “This is the ability for a human to detect particles in the air and, often, identify their sources. Everything sheds particles, and the human nose can pick up those particles. For instance humans generally like the smell of Iotans because Iotins shed compounds similar to foods that humans like to eat. Once upon a time it might have been used to help humans detect poison or other predators, but like I have said before, a human is a middleman in abilities. All of a human’s senses are relatively dull in comparison to some of their earth counterparts.”

He turned to his projector and flipped it to the anatomical structure of a dog, one that had been oddled off the only dog that many aliens had ever met.

Waffles the admiral’s dog.

“This creature’s sense of smell is powerful enough,they have been known to track a sent trail for miles through densely wooded forests. They can smell a change in hormone and pheromone levels on other creatures, and are even being used to detect certain diseases. The best a human can do is smell a cooking meal.”

He walked in a wide circle looking out at the students, some of them looking excited, others staring on in trepidation.

“Human eyesight is on a similar level to their smell. Humans have binocular vision which makes their depth perception quite good. A human is perfectly capable of snatching a flying object out of the air as their predatory instincts draw them to movement. This also makes humans very adept at navigating through obstacles like they might once have had to do in trees. Furthermore, it allows them to guess distance to prey during hunting.” He switched to a picture of a drev, “However humans do not have the best vision out of all aliens species. While the acuity of a human and a Drev are similar, Drev can detect Ultraviolet wavelengths where humans can only see the visible spectrum.” He looked at some of the Vrul, “Take solace in the knowledge that you can see thermal where humans cannot. They have relatively poor night vision, but better than that of you or I and far better than the Drev who traded the use of multiple cones to very frew light sensing rods.”

He looked up from his lecturing, “Are there any questions so far.”

Every had in the room shot into the air.

He paused to look at them faces lit by the glowing bluish light of the hologram behind him and sighed, he supposed this is what he was here for.

“Let’s star in the back then, shall we.”

One of the hands went down.

“Sir, is it true that humans are capable of surviving cortical tissue damage.”

Krill snorted, a sound he probably shouldnt have been able to make since he didn’t have a nose but one he had learned how to make because it expressed a very important emotion when interacting with humans. The entire class looked at him funny.

He sighed, “Yes, The first surgery I preformed on a human involved removing an eight inch steel rod from an eye socket which had gone into cortical tissue. To this day that human… well hes been doing fine, a bit of a dumbass sometimes, but I think that was a part of his personality before brain damage.”

They stared at him confused until Krill realised that dumbass probably wasn’t in their vocabulary. It probably translated to silent butt or idiot butt which didn’t have the same kind of ring to it.

Krill waved a hand, “In certain cases humans have been known to survive with only one hemisphere of their brain.”

A chorus of disbelief, “It is true, in certain cases where electrical abnormalities n the brain cause convulsions, surgeons intentionally remove half the brain to increase quality of life. There are a couple of downsides to this of course, like the inability to play musical instruments, but most humans still live a productive and fulfilling life after the procedure.”

More hands shot up again.

He turned and chose one at Random.

“Can humans smell fear”

Krill frowned, “No humans can’t smell fear. Whoever told you that was smoking something.”The class stared blankly at him until he picked another hand.

“Are you worried that the humans will ever…. Turn on you?”

Krill raised his hands into the air in exasperation, “They are SENTIENT beings not wild animals Humans have strict social rules like you or anyone else. It would be illegal for them to hurt me , and I doubt they would let it happen at all. Humans aren’t feral. In fact my partner aboard the ship is Doctor Katie Quinn, and she is just as experienced in the field of medicine as I am. SHe can match me in almost any medical procedure and she only has two cortical hemispheres, and less than half the amount of hands.”

He frowned at the room, “I have no idea where ou all got these ideas from. Humans are thinking creatures not animals. The reason they survived on their planet is not because they are the strongest predator, but because they are the smartest, just like you or I. the only difference between us is that the Human planet is so hostile, they have been forced to keep some of their more instinctive tendencies.”

More hands raised.

“Have you seen one of these larger earth animals, sir?”

“Yes on plenty of occasions.” He flipped his diagram back to that of a dog, “This animal here is called a dog, the ancestral evolution of the wolf, which is just a much larger version of this animal here. These animals are higher on the food chain that humans and have the ability to easily outrun, attack and rip the throat out of a human.” He paused as the class pulled back, “Which is why humans often use them in security, protection and law enforcement, because no human wants to fight one of these creatures.” He smiled a bit grimly, “Also humans just love to keep them as pets.”

There was an uproar around the room.

How could anyone want to keep something that could rip their face off as a pet.

Krill raised a hand to quiet down the room, “I know, I know, it all sounds very strange, but you must understand, humans and dogs are both descended from highly social pack groups. At one point a human took wolf cubs and began raising them and breeding them for desirable traits. As wolves are pack animals they slowly would have begun to see humans as members of their own pack family. In this humans molded a creature into being one of their greatest allies. Dogs rely on humans and humans rely on dogs for many jobs. Humans love dogs and dogs love humans. In fact, humans have bred this animal so extensively that dogs are one of the only creatures on their own planet capable of reading human facial expressions.”

He pulled up an image from his personal files, one where Adam sat on the floor, and the dog Waffles sat next to him. He made a face as her long, pink tongue ran up the side of his cheek.

The class gasped.

“She could easily use this opportunity to kill him.” krill said, “But she never would.” He turned to another image of himself standing next to the dog, a hand resting on her back.

More gasping.

Krill was somewhat amused. “Humans, as I said are social in the extreme, and this fact is going to be our best ally when meeting them. Anyone and anything can become part of a human pack. In fact, this instinct in humans is so strong that inanimate objects can easily be accepted into a human’s pack. They routinely name plants and attribute personalities to them. I once conducted an experiment where I placed fake eyes.” Googly eyes to be exact, “On a waste receptacle, and the humans named him Mr. Rubbish and began throwing away their items exclusively in that specific receptacle as ‘Offerings’ to Mr Rubbish….. That is not a joke, that actually happened.” He appraised them with a stern look, “Befriending humans is the most important thing you can do, and probably one of the easiest things as well. If you find yourself incapable of making friends with a human, its probably time to look at yourself personally because you must be horrible.” he pointed to himself, “I will openly admit that my personality isn’t exactly the easiest to be around, and yet I still managed it on accident.”

His lecture continued for some minutes, covering more anatomy, bone structures and some interesting facts about their internal organs.

However he was forced to stop as little lights began blinking overhead, and he went to dismiss the class, “Next week we will be discussing the effects of adrenaline on humans as a special treat to those who decide to return after this first lecture. And for your assignment, I want you to find one news article that perpetuates a myth about humans and write a short essay debunking it. Since this is the first week I am going lenient on assignments but by the end of the term I do expect full essays at publishable quality.”

Everyone in the class stood, and he found himself suddenly swarmed by a mass of figures.

It seemed as if he was going to be here for a while.

Little did Krill know that his lecture series was becoming so popular that the administration was going to have to upgrade his lecture hall two more times in the concurrent weeks.

Everyone wanted to know about humans.

#HUMANS ARE WERID #humans are space orcs #humans are insane #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #earth is a deathworld #Earth is space Ausralia

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quillfulwriter · 4 years ago

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Spoilers for Hades here! See previews below:

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Zagreus: Wounded Child in a Broken Family

As the catalyst of both themes for just about everyone in the game's story, Zagreus has uncommon perceptions of family and a forgiving nature (which makes his rare grudges all that more intense).

To start with, his mother and father get drastically different treatment from Zag. He fights so hard to get to Persephone for a few minutes before those pesky natural causes get him, even after she herself told him not to come back. Meanwhile, he resists Hades at every turn only to end in an actual fight to the death. He won't quit on them in either sense, but his mother gets way more slack for saying or doing hurtful things than Hades ever does. Strangely, this says more about his ability to forgive than it does his relation to family.

It's true that Zag's well of forgiveness runs deep, but he can be severely hurt or upset to the point of digging his heels in on a grudge. After so long being mocked and having Hades' bad moods taken out on him, Zag expects his father to have bad motives for things. That said, when Hades isn't around, he tends to have more optimism about him. For example, the first time he reaches Persephone, he says, "Now that I found you, he... maybe he'll just let me come back."

Hades: Self-Sabotaging Loner

I'm not being ironic when I call him a fatalist. Hades sees the worst in things and believes them to be inevitable, and he's more than willing to suffer so that someone else might be spared that (or relatively lessen their pain). To him, that outcome of his life being generally awful is always on the table. He will do what he has to for the people he cares about, but what that also means is he'll do painful things even when he doesn't have to because he's never considered anything else. He even lies to Zag and says he kidnapped Persephone to feed into his horrible image of him so he might be thrown off the trail of what really happened—because that could very well put him and Persephone on Olympus' radar.

With all the losses he's experienced, Hades just isn't capable of believing there's a family he can belong to and be happy in without losing that family. He can and will (and indeed did) sabotage himself when he's given almost any room to do so. Hades is so convinced he can't be in a family, not even by being close to his son, that he will purposefully do things that he knows will wreck his chances because of his stubbornness and the negative patterns he's established in his mind.

Persephone: Mender of Broken Homes

There's a bit of inexperience Persephone has with healthy families, which we can attribute to having an overbearing mother who presumably didn't let her make her own mistakes and learn from them. Persephone couldn't have repaired her own relationship with her oppressive mother while living with her, but even later, she needed Zag to do most of the groundwork before she discovered how she could help her husband and son. Still, once she had that realization, Persephone did see a clear path forward to bring their whole family together!

Although not without resistance, since Hades' first reaction was: "Not even you can fix a broken family, Persephone."

After so much time spent alone, both away from Mount Olympus and the Underworld, Persephone had healed and developed more of her natural self-assurance to meet challenges like that. With strength of her own and insight into what she'd need, Persephone had what it took to help heal a family broken several times over.

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10yrsyart · 3 years ago

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Signs of Jesus return

i felt lead recently to compile some of the signs and current events pointing to Jesus’ soon return. i don’t know who this is meant for, but i know it’s for someone. so i hope that whoever reads this finds it helpful and informative 💙 (this is not complete either, as there are too many to list)

The Fig Tree Generation:

Jesus often used a fig tree to describe the country of Israel in His prophecies. “Now learn a lesson from the fig tree. When its branches bud and its leaves begin to sprout, you know that summer is near. In the same way, when you see all these things, you can know His return is near, right at the door. I tell you the truth, this generation will not pass from the scene until all these things take place.” (Matthew 24:32-34)

In Psalm 90, Moses describes a generation being “70-80 years,' and Isaiah 66:7-8 says, “Before the birth pains even begin, Jerusalem gives birth to a son. Who has ever seen anything as strange as this? Who ever heard of such a thing? Has a nation ever been born in a single day? Has a country ever come forth in a mere moment?” This did happen. In 1948, Israel became a nation in a day, after almost 2000 years. Israel needed to be a nation to fulfill its part in the Tribulation, so the countdown couldn't start without them. The imagery of birth pains is used in the Bible to describe the troubles that the world will go through before the Day of the Lord, meaning Israel must become a nation before the Lord's return.

1948+80 year generation= 2028. But since Jesus said “everything” (Rapture and Tribulation) would happen before the fig tree generation passed away (turns 81), we have to take away 7 years from the 2028 final count. That leads us to 2021-May 2022 approximately (right before they turn 74).

The Jewish Temple:

The book of Daniel speaks of the time during the 7 year Tribulation, when the Antichrist will come and take over Israel. “The ruler will make a treaty with the people for a period of one set of seven, but after half this time, he will put an end to the (daily) sacrifices and offerings. And as a climax to all his terrible deeds, he will set up a sacrilegious object that causes desecration, until the fate decreed for this defiler is finally poured out on him.” (Daniel 9:27) “The day is coming when you will see what Daniel the prophet spoke about- the sacrilegious object that causes desecration standing in the Holy Place.” (Matthew 24:15)

The second Jewish Temple was destroyed in 70 A.D., and hasn't been rebuilt since. The Holy Place is a specific spot inside the Temple, and the daily sacrifices and offerings that go along with the Jewish Law are only performed with the Temple in use.

As of 2021, the preparations for the Third Temple are nearly complete. The plans are laid out, the priests have been trained in the rules and rituals, the materials are all gathered. One source even says that theoretically the Temple could be built in a matter of 3-6 months. All they are waiting for is the go ahead. Those of the Jewish faith don't believe that Jesus is their Messiah, and many expect that the building of Third Temple will coincide with their own messiah making his appearance.. It's noteworthy that they're so close to building it after all this time.

The Abraham Accords:

In September 2020 the Abraham Accords were officially signed, setting up a peace deal with multiple Middle Eastern countries, including the United States. Since then other countries have added themselves to the peace treaty. There hasn't been a deal like this in the Middle East in a long time, much less centered around Israel. When the Antichrist comes to power, he strengthens a treaty or proposal of peace that already exists, and so the Abraham Accords have come at a significant time.

“Nation will go to war against nation, and kingdom (ethnicity) against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes, and there will be famines and plagues in many lands, and there will be terrifying things and great miraculous signs from heaven.” (Luke 10-11)

Wars:

So many of the great wars in history have been within the last hundred years. War is not an uncommon thing for humanity, but the impact is much greater now, as is the frequency of wars on the horizon. Currently, many of the World Powers are already declaring war and/or making preparations. China threatening war against Taiwan and it's allies, Iran desiring to destroy the US and wipe Israel out as a nation, and many more threatened. It's not a question of if but of when.

Earthquakes:

The frequency of earthquakes has drastically gone up over the last couple years, not only in numbers but also in magnitude power. As I'm writing this (8/22/2021), we've had over twelve 7.0+ earthquakes in the last two weeks. That's not a normal level, not even taking into account all the earthquakes of lower magnitudes. Volcanic activity is rising as well. Many volcanoes that were previously thought to be dormant are awakening, some even erupting. Iceland's volcano Fagradalsfjall was thought to be dormant for 6000 years, until it erupted last March. (“Dutchsinse” on Youtube is a good source for seismic activity.)

Famines:

Because of the change in weather patterns, with flooding and wildfires and droughts, many of the worlds “bread baskets” (where a large portion of their food is grown) are not producing enough food. A shortage is already coming on America, not to mention all the other nations that are in the midst of one. Greece, Turkey, Australia, Italy, California and Oregon (US) are all burning at record rates. And mass flooding is impacting just as much area, like Indonesia, China, New York (US), Haiti, Germany, and more.

Plagues/ Diseases:

Everyone is aware of the effect of the C Virus on the world, and now a new variant is appearing. Diseases like Ebola and the Bubonic Plague are re-emerging. Animals are experiencing these effects as well. Massive animal die offs are happening all over the world, from mysterious diseases and unknown causes. Various plagues have swarmed countries, for instance the mass attacks of locusts that have eaten through parts of Africa, and the infestation of billions of mice in Australia.

Signs in the Heavens:

“And I will cause wonders in the heavens and on the earth- blood and fire and columns of smoke. The sun will become dark, and the moon will turn blood red before that great and terrible day of the Lord arrives.” (Joel 2:30-31)

As I mentioned earlier, volcanoes all over the world are waking up and erupting at an alarming rate. The super volcano centered in Yellowstone Wyoming (US) has been showing worrying signs of stirring as well.

In 2014, two Blood Moons landed on two of God's Feasts, which carry significance. Then in 2015 there was a Solar Eclipse, followed by another two Blood Moons that landed on the same Feasts as the previous year. In 2017, the Great American Solar Eclipse drew a line across the US. In 2020, the “Bethlehem Star” made an appearance as Jupiter and Saturn almost merged in the sky. Though it's not the same cosmic event as the true “Star” that heralded Christ's birth, its rarity and symbolism is important. This August 2021 we just had a rare Blue Moon.

The Revelation 12 Sign:

“Then I witnessed in heaven an event of great significance. I saw a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon beneath her feet, and a crown of twelve stars on her head. She was pregnant, and she cried out because of her labor pains and the agony of giving birth.” (Revelation 12:1-2)

In September 2017, this sign appeared in the sky for the first time ever. The constellation Virgo represents the woman, and the nine stars of Leo plus 3 wandering stars lined up as her crown. The moon was near her feet in the constellation and the sun was at her shoulder shining on her “clothes.” Then Jupiter entered the middle of the constellation (her stomach) and stayed there for nine months and left. Jupiter is generally considered to represent a ruler, and the child in Revelation is believed to represent the Church (Jesus' Body). The rest of Revelation 12: 3-5 speaks of the child being snatched away from the Dragon (the devil), which represents the Rapture of the Church before the Tribulation. So it's incredibly significant that the first part of this prophecy was fulfilled in the stars. (There's also a type of 4 year grace period before judgment in scripture (Luke 13:6-9), so 2017+ 4 years warning = 2021).

The Vaxx System:

“He required everyone- small and great, rich and poor, free and slave- to be given a mark on the right hand or on the forehead. And no one could buy or sell anything without that mark, which was either the name of the beast or the number representing the name.” (Revelation 13:16-17)

This is not about whether or not to take the vaxx, it's about the mentality around it. The animosity in the world media keeps growing towards those who don't wish to take it. The results don't add up to how single minded they are becoming, and it's easily paving the way for regulations to be carried out by brute force. There are stricter and stricter limitations to those who don't feel safe taking it, like being unable to shop at a grocery story or go to work... In the future, the world won't blink twice about a universal Mark of much greater magnitude and greater consequences. The consequences of refusing won't just mean an inability to buy or sell, but death.

Alien Disclosure:

As of 2021, the US government has released the information they have on Unidentified Flying Objects, confirming the possibility of aliens. The first main stream event involving the alien conspiracy was the Roswell Incident of 1947, about a year before Israel became a nation. The reason why this is so significant is because 1) the Fig Tree prophecy was about to start when Israel revived, beginning the End Times countdown and 2) 2 Thessalonians 2:11 says the people left after the Rapture will believe a “Great Delusion.” Even a couple years ago, the thought of aliens coming down and taking people away would have been laughed at, but not now. Satan is the Prince of the Air; he uses his demons and spirits to appear as other things, so as to lead people away from the Truth of God. He knew when Israel became a nation the clock was ticking for the need of a believable lie. Now people could easily believe that all the Christians that disappeared were “beamed up” by aliens. (We don't know specifically what the Delusion will be yet, but this is certainly a possibility.)

Dreams and Visions:

“ 'In the Last Days,' God says, 'I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophecy. Your young men will see visions, and your old men will dream dreams. In those days I will pour out My Spirit even on my servants- men and women alike- and they will prophecy.' “ (Acts 2:17-18)

Around the end of 2019 to the beginning of 2020, End Times dreams skyrocketed. The sheer amount that can be found on Youtube is astounding and it continues to grow. Dreams about the Rapture, dreams from Jesus, dreams about disasters that are coming; people from all over the world are sounding the alarm. And these aren't internet celebrities or self proclaimed prophets; these are every day normal people, some of which weren't even Christian to begin with. The amount of non-Believers that have had Jesus appear to them to save them continues to grow as well.

I personally felt an awakening through the Holy Spirit sometime around early 2020, that Jesus was returning soon. And the more I've studied Bible prophecies and current events I know that it's fast approaching. Although it's important to test the spirits of dreams to see if it's really from God or not, the message of the majority is clear. Time is short.

(This was just a small selection of the MANY signs that God continues to send as warnings. The frequency and intensity is rising like it never has before. A more in depth list can be found, along with Bible references and news sources, at https://www.ithasbeenwritten.com/ )

To You:

For those of you who are un-Believers, I am not writing this to be a fear monger. When evidence and reports come in that there's a bomb in a building, the people inside need to know about it. Even if it ends up being fake, the risk isn't worth it. This isn't just one fanatic Christian with a dream trying to convince everyone the end is near, this is the whole world. No matter what you believe about Bible prophecies, these current events are real things that are happening, and show no signs of slowing down. The good news is that Jesus died to save you from all this. He died to clear our sin debt and give us the hope of Heaven, a place we could never get to on our own. And His signs are saying He's coming soon to rescue everyone who accepted His sacrifice and entered His family.

“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9)

For those Believers that don't think Jesus is returning soon, please pray about it and study His word. He was angry at the Pharisees of the generation of His first coming, because He said, “You know how to interpret the weather signs in the sky, but you don't know the how to interpret the signs of the times!” (Matthew 16:3).

Matthew 24's “no one knows the day/hour” is not saying that we won't know the season in which He will return. If it were, He wouldn't have gone to all the trouble of giving so many signs of the closeness of the event. “So you, too, must keep watch! For you don't know what day your Lord is coming.” (Matthew 24:42) “But you aren't in the dark about these things (signs), dear brothers and sisters, and you won't be surprised when the Day of the Lord comes like a thief.” (1 Thessalonians 5:4) Are you watching? Let's do our best to be a light as much as possible before it's too late.

“So when all these things begin to happen, stand and look up, for your salvation draws near!” (Luke 21:28)

#Christianity #Jesus Christ #faithstuff #bible verse #revelation #salvation #The Rapture #end times #the tribulation

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alighieri-sparda · 4 years ago

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DMC Boys + Civilian S/O

Sweetly requested by anon ♡ | Masterlist | Rules

Hi dear! Sorry about the delay, hope you don’t mind. I love writing fluff things, so your request made my day! Hope you like it.

- - -

Dante

His S/O is protected by Dante’s typical dorky style. He’s naturally the funniest guy they’ve ever met in their life, so it’s not uncommon to see Dante suddenly taking his S/O in his arms and saying something like “How is my pretty little person doing, hm?” and then kiss their cheek when he finally meets them after a while. His attitudes might be kind of stupid, but they are also very honest.

It doesn’t mean Dante cannot act seriously when the situation calls for it though. He knows that having a civilian S/O is very risky — for them principally — and the last thing he wants is to lose them like he lost his mother. Due to that condition, Dante never takes them to his jobs, even though he talks to them a lot about all the situations he experienced during his Devil Hunter life. Don’t get me wrong, Dante knows that he’s absolutely capable of protecting them from everything. But at the same time, he doesn’t want to expose his S/O like that. He’s unbelievably careful when it comes to his S/O’s safety.

However, Dante didn’t hide his relationship with them from anyone close to him. It might sound incoherent, but the only people who are aware of his relationship are the most trustworthy ones that Dante has in his life. Since he doesn’t know what can happen to them, he at least can count on Lady, Trish, and Nero to protect them if something prevents him from doing so.

Dante takes every chance he has to skip jobs just to stay with them in their house. He knows that his S/O is shy about the others and avoids demonstrating affection in public because of that, so he doesn’t mind skipping other activities just to give them the attention they deserve.

By the way, it’s important to say that Dante is definitely a cuddler. A professional one. They are his cute and precious S/O; he can’t help hugging them tightly and kissing their shy face multiple times in a row. He wouldn’t mind doing these sorts of things in public, but he respects their decision to keep it private. But when they are both with other people, especially at Devil May Cry, Dante likes to hold their hands softly.

When they are at the shop, it is usually because Dante invited them to stay and sleep there with him. It’s not so common to happen though, because of all of those things about exposure and dangers related to date a Son of Sparda. If his S/O is there, Dante doesn’t receive customers in person and closes the shop earlier. And whenever they want to go home back home, Dante always accompanies them to their house.

Nero

This boy is naturally a very protective person to everyone he cares about. But dating a civilian person increased his protection instinct to a whole another level. His S/O basically has a boyfriend and a second mother at the same time; things like “I’m not sure if it’s safe to go alone, think I’m going with you” and “Please, let me know if something strange ever happens to you” are quite usual to come up from Nero’s mouth. He doesn’t mean to be overprotective, but he ends up being anyway, sometimes even apologizing for doing such things. But they think that’s a cute aspect of Nero’s personality, so they just pass it on. It’s completely understandable since they remember how many rough things Nero passed through due to the Order.

Nero is not afraid of telling them the things that happened to him in the past though. He does it to warn them about how dangerous things related to the Demon World can be more than anything, and how they must not go after those sorts of subjects. Nero also invited them to live with him just when his relationship with his S/O started, because he’d be able to protect them properly if they stayed close to him, in his opinion. Well, no matter the reason, they enjoyed the idea very much.

He doesn’t exactly hide his relationship with them, but he avoids talking about it in public. But of course, Nico, Dante, and everyone else does know about their existence. Actually, they’re very cherished by the others who know them due to their lovely and kind personality, so Nero can calm down a bit because they’re very well protected by the rest of the crew.

In public, Nero doesn’t leave their side at any moment. His excuse is always related to “I want to protect you!”, but they know it’s all about being closer to them, always embracing his S/O’s shoulders. Sometimes, he suddenly steals a peck from them, just to chuckle at their flustered shy face. Nero is shy about demonstrating affection in public as well, but he just loves that precious person so much; it can’t be helped!

It’s pretty obvious, but it is still worth emphasizing that Nero is a damn cuddler. Even more than Dante. When they are in private, Nero doesn’t let them go from his cuddles easily; he’s very physical when it comes to love demonstration, and that’s perfect for them because Nero’s hugs are the warmest and most comfortable ones in this world.

By the way, when they’re both sleeping at their shared bed, Nero is always the big spoon. And they’ve never slept at any different position since they started to live with him. Nero never realized this fact; he does it unconsciously.

It’s quite noticeable that V is the less experienced between the Devil May Cry crew when it comes to intimate relationships, and that’s what most affected him when he saw himself dating a civilian: a person who is even more powerless than him against demonic creatures. V feels truly terrified because they are the most precious thing he has in his life and he’s not sure if he’d be able to protect them. But V would give up on everything to keep them safe, without a doubt.

Unlike Dante and Nero, V doesn’t feel comfortable telling them all of that demonic stuff. In his opinion, explaining everything would put them in danger somehow. So, the only things V allows himself to do are presenting his familiars to his S/O — only mentioning Nightmare, since he is the most terrifying of the three and the only one he has no control over — and vaguely explain what’s going on. They feel obviously confused, but they respect V’s decision. They know he just wants to protect them.

His S/O’s relationship with V’s familiars makes him smile without even realizing it. Griffon’s still annoying, but it’s clear how much he enjoys their presence — and when he starts to bother them, it’s usually just to make them laugh. Shadow purrs constantly when they pet her, and she even licks their face and hair affectionately. It’s fair enough to consider that V’s familiars are now his S/O’s ones as well.

When V can finally have some time alone with his S/O, he’s the sweetest; laying on the couch to read some poetry to them, letting them pet Shadow and timid cuddles are quite usual to come up from this gentle boy. If they start to ask something related to the Demon World, V will only kiss their lips softly and whisper against their mouth: “There’s no need to be concerned about such things, love. The only thing worth recalling is that I am with you now.” V’s kisses are the gentlest in this world, as much as his hands as well, those he softly brushes against their back and through their hair.

V didn’t tell anyone about his relationship with them at first. Due to his inexperience with these sorts of things, he avoided exposing their existence unnecessarily, taking care of them quietly, in his way. However, as the events went on, V realized how trustful Nero proved to be and revealed his deep affection for them — but he’s the only person who knows about it. If V needs to show up with his S/O in public for any reason, he’s extra careful, never leaving their side. Shadow is always surrounding them, protecting V’s S/O directly. He’s not really down for demonstrating affection in public just like his S/O, but if V notices they’re afraid or anxious for some reason, he’ll gently kiss their hand and say things to comfort them.

They are not aware of this, but they can get what they want from V just by smiling at him. Their cute and lovely personality makes his heart melt; he smiles at every word they say or at any mundane thing they do. One day, V asked them to read a few lines of Blake’s poetry, just to appreciate how wonderful those words would sound when spoken by their sweet voice. He basically fell in love with his lovely S/O again, kissing their lips passionately after they were done.

Vergil

The eldest son of Sparda is definitely the most overprotective one. Vergil doesn’t even ponder that he’s being almost a controlling person over his S/O, because everything sounds pretty justifiable in his head. But everything can be solved if his S/O addresses him about his actions. It will be kind of hard at the beginning because Vergil is a stubborn bitch, but he’ll recognize his mistakes eventually. If they get really upset about this, Vergil will wait until they’re in bed, embrace them and speak softly: “I’m sorry.”

Vergil’s lack of experience on dealing with emotions and his naturally introverted behavior make things a bit hard at the beginning, but his S/O learned how to deal with those aspects of his personality and comfort him when he gets stressed over things like that. It’s the way Vergil found to demonstrate the love and affection he feels for them, and they recognize this. It’s important to remind that everything Vergil does is to keep the person he loves safe and comfortable; and he does such things in his awkward antisocial way, but with honest love put into his actions. The last thing he wants is to lose them like he lost his mother.

At first, Vergil will hide their existence from everyone. He’s unsure about what would happen to them if he does so; and of course, Vergil is completely confident that he can protect them from everything. But Dante would find out about them soon — Dante knows his brother very well to notice he changed somehow — and assure Vergil that “if we know about them, Verge, they would be better protected”. With that in mind, Vergil will let them go to Devil May Cry and meet the rest of the crew, but never exposing them to demonic power. He doesn’t even unsheathe Yamato nor allow himself, Dante or Nero to Devil Trigger next to his S/O, for example.

Vergil is less physical when it comes to demonstrate love; he’s not an assumed cuddler, actually. The way he demonstrates his affection is by simple attitudes, like starting a little conversation when asking about their day once it’s noticeable he’s not the biggest fan of talking with other people, sitting next to them while he’s reading when his preference is to have a isolated place to do so, and sleeping with his S/O in the same bed even when he’s not exactly able to sleep. Vergil does things that no one would ever believe he has actually done.

Demonstrating affection in public is a huge NO with Vergil. The only perceptible thing he’d do is just stay close enough to them to make sure he’s there to protect them if something bad happens, but don’t expect seeing him embracing or even barely touching them at any possible way. It is not even a problem to his S/O since they’re a shy person who blushes easily when Dante teases his brother about his relationship with a civilian human smirking like a jackass. Although Vergil avoids using his power next to his S/O, he surely will stab his brother with a spectral sword to shut him up.

Like I said before, Vergil just doesn’t assume being a cuddler. One of his favorite things to do is surprise them with a soft kiss on their head or cheek while they’re just doing mundane things, like doing the dishes or reading, just to see that surprised shy face of theirs. When Vergil is waking up, sleepy, he likes to hug them tightly and resting his head over their shoulder. It usually happens when Vergil is sleeping with his S/O after a long time without seeing them. He also loves when they caress and massage his scalp, but will never ask them to do it — he will only pray to the gods that they will notice this quickly and then enjoy the laziest mornings in their shared bed. Poor touch-starved Vergil.

#sorry about the eventual grammar mistakes btw #i feel so soft oh gosh #dmc #devil may cry #dmc headcanons #devil may cry headcanons #dmc dante #dmc nero #dmc vergil #dmc v

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cafeinthemoon · 4 years ago

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The Leaves of Her Garden - Chapter XVI

Title: The Leaves of Her Garden

Genre: Fanfiction

Pairing: Madara Uchiha x reader

Rating: Mature

Word count: 3163

Chapter (s): 16/?

Read the previous chapters here: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Interlude, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15

Symbols: ⭕ | ➕ | 🖤 | ▶▶

Chapter XVI - The Week Before the Travel

If you thought your life has been through enough changes the moment you arrived at the Uchiha compound, the week before your husband’s farewell came to show you that there’s nothing that has already been through many changes that couldn’t be transformed a bit more.

The mornings were reserved to your shinobi training. You always used the same place of the day you learned how identify your chakra pathway, the garden. You liked it for its quietness and privacy: it was like whenever you were there, you could never be interrupted by someone or something unexpected. It seemed to work as a fence to another world, where time stopped just for you two.

Your progress came faster than you were expecting. Yes, it’s true that you were far from becoming a skilled shinobi like the ones you met there, but what you were capable of doing now were impressive when you considered that you were an adult who never had any preparation until then.

After learning how to control your chakra, your first challenge was to practice with kunai. When Madara put a blade on your hand for the first time and explained what you were supposed to do with it, you couldn’t feel anything but the uncomfortable weight of the weapon; you almost told him you didn’t want to hold anything like that again, but since you were going so far and you asked for that, you couldn’t look behind. When you found out you could transfer your chakra the kunai, holding it became strangely easier: your hand no longer trembled and you felt at will to throw it at the closest tree. The first time you did it, you ran to look at it closer and were surprised of how deep the blade entered the wood.

You then started to train your defense: for now, it was better for you to learn how to protect yourself and avoid conflicts, just as you wanted in the first place, and Madara stated that this part of your training would make things easier when you started to learn attack methods. This time you felt less difficulty to adapt because of the previous session you had before the ceremony; you also noticed the difference between striking using your chakra and just relying on your physical strength: your movements were more fluid, faster and well led. You felt less tired at the end too.

You were almost happy with your results when Madara decided to include the kunai in the process.

- But you almost don’t use any weapons when you’re fighting – you protested, using the vision you had with Hashirama as a parameter – Besides, if I won’t be attacking anyone I don’t need to know everything about a weapon right now.

His response was to laugh and disappear, taking the spot behind you right after; he held you neck and you felt something cold touching your skin. It didn’t take too long for you to recognize the sharp texture of the kunai. You froze.

- I forgot to say that these weapons are not only used for long-range attacks – he whispered to you – It’s not uncommon that a victim find themselves exactly like the way you are now. And what would you do in such state?

- I…

- It’s better to learn how to avoid it, right? – he replied for you – Besides, not everybody has the luxury of obtaining success in fights with their bare hands. For most shinobi, it’s unrealistic.

Yes. You almost forgot that, just like the Senju head, the Uchiha one was not a common man. Maybe if you had more contact with common shinobi you could have developed comparison methods that would sound more fair. But you didn’t say that to him. You just nodded and continued your training.

Later, by noon, it was the time when you were taken back home to clean yourself, eat and have a time to rest. You wouldn’t see your husband for a long time then: as the head of the clan and being busy with the preparations for the travel, spending the mornings with you was the best he could do for you now. Not only this, but you also thought that it wasn’t healthy for a girl to spend too much time in the company of a man, even if this man was as close to her as a spouse; you needed the company of other women too, and common people who had nothing to do with war and politics.

Fortunately, Ayane and Aiko kept visiting and taking care of you after your marriage, and while you developed an even closer friendship with the first, you started to see the second as a new mother life has decided to give you. Being with them, talking, eating and even working together (because after your insistence they allowed you to perform some of the house tasks) was refreshing; the moments you spent with them were of pure and simple joy, and worked as a period of rest from the intensity of your husband’s company.

One day, when you and Ayane were walking at the house’s surroundings, you finally had some time to continue that conversation you started when you were preparing for the wedding.

- So, y/n-sama… I hope everything went well during the wedding night.

There was no embarrassment in the girl’s words, so you felt at will to speak. You smiled and, before you noticed, you were speaking much more than you thought you would.

- Well, I… I don’t even know how to explain this to you! It was strange and incredible and… – you sighed and turned to her – Beautiful. At first, when you left me in that room, alone, dressed for the night, I was scared. I went to the porch to take some fresh air and to observe the stars. After some minutes, he came. I turned to him and it was like... I mean, now I was a married woman, about to be taken. I never felt the reality of my new condition so deep as during that moment.

You lowered your tone, and a sort of sadness was sensed in your words as you relived those memories.

- Do you remember the state in which I was brought here? I was still grieving the loss of my mother, and just lost my job and my house. But now I was given a new family, protection and a home. I wasn’t expecting this. It was so overwhelming that I started to cry.

You paused, trying to process your feelings. Ayane encouraged you.

- And what did Madara-sama do when he saw you crying?

A smile grew on the corner of your mouth and you sensed your face warming up.

- He hugged me and took me inside. He told me not to thank him with tears. I thought about that. He was right, you know? It was not the time to cry. Not anymore. He closed the porch’s door behind us and was going to start to touch me, but I was so nervous that I flinched at his first movement. He noticed it and told me to sit on the futon. He went there too and spent some time in silence, doing nothing, just looking at me. It was… unsettling, but not entirely bad. It was... – you sighed – Oh, it’s so hard to explain!

Ayane smiled.

- It’s alright. I think I know what you trying to say.

You felt relieved to see you were making some sense despite the confusion inside your head. This gave you the courage to continue speaking.

- You know how intense are Madara-sama’s eyes, Ayane. Every time he looks at me, I feel like all my clothes are nothing, because he’s looking inside me. As if I was naked from body and soul. That night it was the same sensation but deeper, so that I wasn’t sure I would be able to stand it. That was the first time something like this happened to me. It was scary to think that from that moment, I was going to be the wife of man capable of such thing.

You laugh at yourself at this.

- Tell me. Are all the Uchiha like this?

The girl laughed hard at your question.

- Well, none of them are exactly like Madara-sama, of course, but all of us who are Sharingan bearers have some intensity in our eyes. But I think that since you already experienced the strongest Sharingan of our time, you’d have no problem handling the other ones!

You smiled and were about to tell Ayane about the experience with the Mangekyo Sharingan, but something held your tongue. You somehow sensed that it was not the type of thing you should tell other people, no matter how close was your friendship with them; that was a pure, unique sign of intimacy that didn’t belong only to you, but to Madara as well. Something only for you two. You decided to tell part of the story then.

- There was a moment when he talked to me about his life – you started – He said he already experienced fear and loneliness. He told me he understood how I was feeling and that the best thing he could do for me was to share his experience. And it worked. Somehow our feelings started to blend as one, and I was no longer afraid. I finally let him touch me.

Ayane’s curiosity was only excited with this strange narrative of yours. She came closer to you, whispering as if someone could appear and interrupt the conversation at any moment:

- And how was it?

You looked at the sky when you replied.

- It was… wonderful. In a strange way. At first I was uncomfortable, and even thought I was going to get hurt, but little by little I got used to it. I felt like I was not alone anymore. I felt I was part of something again. Visible. Desired. I felt… safe.

- That is quite an explanation, I must say – she replied with a smirk – And then, what happened?

- Well, I felt a bit tired and ended up taking a nap – you laughed – But he took care of me when I woke up and spent the night by my side. It was weird, because I am not used to sleep with other people so close to me, but it was good.

You decided you were away from the house for too long and started the way back, hurrying up before a worried Aiko could go after you.

***

Your life was not only training and talking, of course.

Following the protocols established when you accepted the role of Sachiko, you had studying sessions about History, Politics and Arts to improve your intellect. Since you were used to a routine of books and research thanks to your experience as governess, it wasn’t that hard to stay for a couple of hours occupied with them, but when the evening approached you couldn’t resist to a period of rest. Aiko would bring you tea and food, and you either stood with her talking about your day or listening as she told you stories of her youth, Ayane’s childhood or important things you were supposed to know about the Uchiha, or went to your room to draw or play the koto while you waited for Madara to come back.

You skills with the carbon were developing in a satisfying rhythm now that you had more time to dedicate yourself to this pastime and less anxieties clouding your mind. You made countless sketches and finished many of them in the evenings when you were alone after the women left and before your husband arrived. Your memories, the people you’ve met and the places you’ve been – the entry of your first house, destroyed by war, the house of your adoptive mother, your room there; your lost friends, your mother, your student, Izuna, Aiko, Ayane, Madara; the garden you were training with him, the forest, the river – all was turned into art.

You also composed new songs or parts of songs for your koto when you weren’t feeling like drawing. You wanted to show some of them to Madara; they were better than that one you’ve wrote for your student, which was never played by you again.

You weren’t sure of how or why, but even before you could see him inside the room, you always felt the moment he arrived; you weren’t able to explain exactly how it happened, but you could feel what it seemed to be a sudden change in the air whenever he came around. You have noticed this trait since you met him for the first time, but it was like after your training sessions your capacity of feeling it has increased. You’ve been willing to talk to Madara about this strange sensation, but you didn’t know how to introduce the subject.

He would always come to see you by night, after finishing his activities and taking care of himself. He used to find you immersed on the strings of the koto or sitting on the couch, a drawing on progress on your lap. You always waited for him to start the conversations; despite the intimacy you managed to build in those few days, you still sensed you couldn’t invade some parts of the territory that belonged to him: if he had to tell you something about it, he would do by himself.

On the other hand, he was always interested in how you spent your days when you were not with him: he would approach you and sit by your side, surrounding you with one arm, and listen to you while observing your drawings or the way your fingers would slip through the instrument’s strings in an unconscious manner as you spoke; from time to time, he would use your pauses to make a specific question for something you didn’t explain so well or forgot to say, but most of the times his questions were directed to how you felt about the things you saw or what you thought of the situations you got through. It was strange in the first days, for you never were the type of speaking your mind so easily, but Madara had a way to find out the things he wanted and his questions were made in a smart, assuring manner, so you never felt forced to tell him anything. As time passed, you noticed that those direct talking about your feelings made you more good than if you kept all of them to yourself.

After those conversations, you would organize your things in the place of the room you reserved for them and prepare to go to bed. Sometimes you would spend a moment alone at the porch, but there were nights when the breeze were too cold for one to stand there for a long time, so you just let Madara close the door and went directly to the futon.

***

He took you most of the nights during that week. None of those times were exactly like the wedding night, but in all of them there was something you enjoyed most, whether it was the way he took care of you right after, how he allowed you to sleep in his arms or the things he said while touching you, praising your body, the smell of your hair or your voice when you said his name. At first you were afraid that you would always feel the same discomfort of the first time, but it didn’t happen: as time passed, it was like your body was slowly adjusted to his, and your pain diminished until it was almost gone. Between those nights there were one and another when he came later and you ended up falling asleep on the couch; there was a time when you thought you were carried by someone at some point of the night, but you weren’t sure if it was a dream or not until you woke up next morning on the futon and saw that your husband was already gone.

An important change that occurred was that instead of limiting himself to touch you, Madara taught you some of the things you were supposed to know as his wife, such as how to use your lips, your hands and even your voice to give and gain pleasure. For he was your first man everything was new to you, which sometimes led you to some uneasiness or doubt whenever something seemed too strange to you, but here you ended up knowing another side of Madara: he was an excellent communicator; none of these things were shameful or to be treated with secrecy, and neither he wanted you to see them as such, so that he would always speak clearly about his wishes and fantasies while encouraging you to speak about yours; he also sensed whenever you felt uncomfortable with something, even when you didn’t speak. It wasn’t the case that you had thought so much about these things before meeting him – you naturally knew it would be expected if you ever became someone’s spouse one day, but the thought was too vague until then; you were never too worried about it. However, now that staying with a man was a main part of your life, you started having ideas. It was a side of you haven’t discovered yet. And not only you, but Madara was more than pleased to know about this side.

There was a night when he noticed you were urging to tell him something, but refused to speak. You were already lying on the futon, your back turned on him, when you felt him surrounding your waist with his arms; soon you felt a soft kiss on your shoulder.

- You want to tell me something, don’t you? – you heard him whisper – What is it? Is there something bothering you?

Your face warmed up with the question.

- Not bothering me. It’s just that…

You sensed his arms tightening their grip.

- I see… – another kiss, longer and warmer – There is something you want to do.

You didn’t reply. His leg entwined with yours, his knee between your thighs. You were almost lying on your stomach, his body heating up your back, his nose smelling your hair, his hands starting to come and go all over you.

- Don’t be shy, girl. If there is something I do not approve, it is false modesty – he approached his lips from your ear, his voice so low you’d swear you were hearing it in your head – The rest I can handle.

You smiled and finally told him what you had in mind. It was funny that once your thought were turned into words, it seemed something simple, even silly, compared to some of the things he taught you. Still, he showed immediate interest and helped you with everything you wanted.

#madara #madara uchiha #madara fanfiction #madara x reader #naruto fanfiction

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chickensarentcheap · 4 years ago

Text

Never Gonna Be Alone- Chapter 56

Title: Visitors

Warnings: profanity, slight angst

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @miss-smutty, @tragiclyhip, @ocfairygodmother, @ocappreciation

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28860450/chapters/80479972

He dreams of one of his tours in Afghanistan. Two years into his time with SASR and his platoon imbedded with local friendlies; two dozen militia members that hated The Taliban just as much as the rest of the world and wanted a hand in bringing them down. He’d only been thirty at the time and already considered a seasoned veteran; several deployments into active and heavy combat, scars left behind from gunshot sounds and where shrapnel from roadside bombs had embedded into his skin. He’d felt as if he were eighty years old; shoulders weighed down by the horrors he’d seen and the things he’d had to do. No longer flinching when he had to take the life of another, but still feeling nauseous and when confronted by the bodies of those tortured and mutilated at the hands of terrorists. The healthy, the disabled, women, children; no one was safe from the brutality and it wasn’t uncommon to pass corpses in the streets or drive through bombed out towns.

Threats were everywhere; he’d long ago learned to sleep with a gun underneath his pillow. His instincts and senses sharp and keen and always on high alert; ears pricking to the howl of the wind or the rustle of rocks or the stirring of sand. Actual rest was a rare commodity for younger soldiers, but he’d become used to bedding down in the earth; body accustomed to the hard surface beneath him and his head not minding his rucksack as a pillow.

Three days had been spent navigating through rough terrain despite brutal elements they’d been faced with, and on the fourth night they were able to find refuge in a cave carved into the mountainside of the Tangi Valley. On their way to Mazar-i-Sharif; a well known Taliban stronghold. There they and the Afghan friendlies would attempt to take back the city; hoping and praying that they’d have enough weaponry and ammunition to wipe the enemy forces out. And that their own death tally wouldn’t be too high.

It was the first time he’d been afraid while with the SASR; warned that even with success, the chances of getting home alive were extremely unlikely. His wife had been pregnant at that time. Three weeks away from delivering his son; experiencing difficulties because of her own stress and worries revolving around his health and safety and his whereabouts. There’d been close calls already; snipers in the mountains, ambushes with rocket propelled grenades and tanks. His hyper-vigilance had been on high alert; every strange noise or shift of the rocks jarring him awake and seeing him reach under his backpack for the handgun he’d hidden underneath it.

He feels it now; the presence of someone standing beside him. Hears it; the soft breathing and the slight rustle of clothes. And he acts on pure instinct; hand sliding under his pillow and waiting for his fingertips to come in contact with the barrel of his Glock. Its absence sending his fear into overdrive and immediately instilling panic; eyes snapping open as he bolts into a sit and both hands shoot out to grab hold of the threat.

“Hi daddy.”

He blinks rapidly. The dream quickly evaporating and the cavern of sand and rocks dissipating; replaced by the wall of windows that provide a view of the darkened backyard and the glow of the space heater located in the far corner. Swallowing down the bile that sits in his throat, he briefly closes his eyes; using a forearm to clear perspiration from his forehead.

“Are you okay?” Addie inquires as she stands at the side of the couch. Clad in her favourite pair of unicorn themed pyjamas; Franklin the stuffed koala tucked under her arm, dark hair mussed from sleep.

He finally manages to gain control of himself; senses registering the familiar surroundings. “What are you doing?”

“I got up to go pee and then I wanted to snuggle with you and mummy in the big bed, but you guys weren’t there. I know I’m not supposed to come downstairs by myself while everyone is sleeping, but I was worried and I wanted to find you.”

“Are you okay? Did you have an accident in your bed?”

“Nope. I made it in time. I was scared; when I didn’t find you and mummy in your room. I thought maybe you left us.”

“Why would we leave you? You guys need us. We’d never do something like that. We love you guys way too much to ever leave you.” Reaching out, he gently cups the back of her head in his palm. “You know that, right? That mummy and I love you guys so much.”

Nooding, she tucks Franklin under her arm and she balls her hands into fists; rubbing vigorously at her eyes. “Why are you guys down here? Why aren’t you sleeping in your normal bed?”

“Mummy and I were up late. Talking.”

“About what?”

“Stuff.”

Addie tilts her head to the side. “What kind of stuff?”

“Stuff that mummies and daddies talk about. That little ears don’t need to hear.”

“So scary stuff? Or stuff with lots of swears in it?”

“Just stuff you don’t need to worry about.”

“Were you talking about…” she taps a finger against her lips. “... my birthday party?”

“You have a birthday coming up?”

Giving a dramatic huff; both hands find her hips and a pout curves her lips. “Daddy! You know my birthday is soon. February thirteenth. The day before Valentine’s Day. How could you forget that? Your own kid’s birthday! Your favourite kid!”

“I’m teasing you. I didn’t forget your birthday. I could NEVER forget it. Ever.”

“Mummy said maybe we could go to the koala place again.”

“That’s where you went last year. And the year before.”

“It’s my favourite place in the whole world. Mummy said to ask you. If we could go there. She says it’s up to you because you’re paying AND driving.”

“If you want to go to the koala place, that’s where we’ll go. Or we could go to the one in Melbourne; fly down and make a weekend of it.”

“I don’t want to fly. I don’t like it. It’s scary. “

“Since when? You’re fine with it when we go to Disney World.”

“That’s because I know I’m going to see Belle and Ariel and Snow White and Moana. That makes it worth it; being scared to death and worried the plane is going to crash.”

“The plane is NOT going to crash.”

“You don’t know that. Can’t we just drive to the koala place we always go to? They know me there. The koalas. They’ll be happy to see me.”

“If that’s what you want to do, we’ll do it. Now….” he reaches out and clears messy strands of hair away from the sides of her face and out of her eyes. “...why are you still up?”

“Isn’t today when we go to the American Girl store?”

“Yeah, but not for a while. Not for a LONG while. It’s still dark out. What time is it? Grab my phone. Check it”

Snagging the item in question from the cluttered coffee table, she presses the button on the side to make the screen come to life. “It says it’s six zero two.”

“Addie….” he groans and presses the heels of his palms into his eyes. “...it is way too early to be up, Peanut. Sun’s not even out.”

“Can we have breakfast? And then when we’re done it’ll be time to go to American Girl?”

“Baby girl, we’re not leaving until eleven. So even if we eat really slow, it’ll still be hours away. Why don’t you go back upstairs and lie down. See if you can fall back asleep for a bit.”

“I don’t want to go back up there. It’s too dark and I used up all my courage coming to find you and mumma. What if something chases me up the stairs? And catches me?”

“Where’s your monster spray I made for you? You all out?”

“I forgot it. In my room. That’s why I had to use all my courage to come find you. I’ll go back up there if you come with me. And snuggle for a bit.”

“I got a better idea; climb in here and snuggle with mummy.”

“And you?”

“I don’t snuggle.”

“You do too. Why are you so embarrassed to admit it? Snuggling is nice. It feels good. It makes your heart happy. It’s never a bad thing when your heart is happy.”

“Yeah,” he smiles, and lightly ruffles her hair. “It does. Come on; get in here.”

“I’m too tiny to get in.”

“You can make it. I know you’re like a spider monkey; I’ve seen you scale the fridge and the cupboards trying to get to things. Come on, hurry up.”

Tossing Franklin over the top of the sofa, she glances around the room; a fingertip pressed against her lips as she considers her options for assistance in getting to her final destination. Electing to push the coffee table over; groaning and grunting dramatically as her tiny body puts all the effort and strength it can in getting the heavy wooden object into place. Climbing effortlessly onto it and then slinging one leg over the top of the couch and then another; sitting on top of it with a victorious, proud smile that spreads from ear to ear.

“I did it! Daddy I did it! All on my own!”

“I knew you could do it. You just had to think about HOW you were going to do it. You’re crazy smart, you know that?”

“Not as smart as Tanner.”

“Nobody is as smart as Tanner. Not in this house anyway.”

“Not even you or mumma?”

“Definitely not me. But your mumma comes pretty damn close.”

“Mumma’s pretty smart. I mean, she has to be right? She fell in love with you.”

He grins. “You’re smooth, you know that?”

“I learned that from you. I’mma lie with you for a bit, okay? Then snuggle with mum.”

Nodding in agreement, he pulls the sleeping bag back and then he places his hands on her hips, steadying her as she slides down the back of the sofa and then plants herself on his stomach. Both arms wrapping around her tiny body as she stretches out along him; lips pressing against her brow as he head settles on his collarbone.

“It’s like a nest,” Addie enthuses, as he covers them both with the sleeping bag. “I like it. Maybe we can do this at home sometimes.”

“Maybe.” A tiny hand reaches up to brush against his beard, and he turns his face into it and kisses the palm.

“You need to shave, daddy.”

“Last week you said you liked my face like this. What gives?”

“It’s getting TOO bushy. I can’t see your face. Why you want to hide your face? It’s a cute face.”

He frowns. “Excuse me? I let you into the nest and you treat me like that?”

Addie giggles. “Sorry. I know it’s worse than a swear to you. You let mummy call you cute.”

“Sometimes I let her get away with it.”

“Well, I’m a mini mumma so that means I should get be able to get away with it too.”

“Your logic is actually pretty sound. I can’t argue with it. I’ll clean it up when we get home; thin it out, get my hair cut…”

“Don’t shave it off though. I don’t want you to have NO hair. I don’t think it would suit your face. If you were bald like Grandpa Koen.”

“Short, but not too short. Sound good?”

“I’ll agree to it. Mumma would NOT like it; if you got rid of all your hair.”

“She definitely wouldn’t. Speaking of mumma, let’s not talk so loud okay? Mumma didn’t sleep well last night; she needs her rest.”

Addie lifts her head from his chest. “Is she okay? She’s not sick is she? I don’t want mumma to be sick.”

“She’s not sick. Just tired. She hasn’t gotten a good sleep in a while. So let’s help her do that, yeah? Help her get the rest she needs? So she can take care of you guys? Be the mumma she always is? Can you do that? Help her get some sleep?”

Addie manages a nod; chin tucked into her chest and tears sparkling in her eyes.

“Hey…” he brushes her dark locks away from the side of her face. “...what’s wrong? Why are you going to cry?”

“Are you sure she’s alright? Are you sure mumma isn’t sick? That there isn’t something wrong with her?”

“Peanut, I am one hundred percent sure there is nothing wrong with her. She’s just tired. She hasn’t been sleeping well and she’s trying to catch up on what she’s lost. That’s it.”

“Are you sure, daddy? I don’t want mumma to be sick.”

“Mumma is NOT sick. She’s just tired. Would I lie to you?”

“No. You don’t lie ever. Maybe sometimes for your job because you have to, but never to us. OR mumma.”

“You need to trust me, alright? She’s fine. Just really tired. And that’s why we need to help her; keep our voices down and let her sleep. Make sense?”

Addie nods.

“Don’t cry. There’s no reason. Come here…” Laying a hand on the back of her head, he presses a kiss to her forehead and then draws her back down to rest upon him. “....mummy’s okay. Just sometimes, she gets worn out. She does a lot. For you guys, for me. She just needs to recharge her batteries. That’s all.”

Addie frowns. “Mumma doesn't have batteries. She’s human. Like us. She IS human, right?”

“Sometimes I wonder if she is; considering how awesome she is and how much she loves and takes care of all of us. But yeah, she IS a human. It’s a figure of speech; needing to recharge your batteries when you’re really, really, REALLY tired.”

“You promise she’s okay?”

“I promise. I would never, ever lie to you, Peanut. Mummy’s okay. She just needs some rest.”

“Alright,” she relents, and once more lays her head upon his chest; her eyes closing as his fingers repeatedly comb through her hair. One of her hands finds his right ear; softly pinching the top before her fingertips begin a slow and repetitive caress of the outer edge. Both she and Millie had adopted the same self soothing technique when they were just babies; the thumb of one hand shoved firmly in their mouths while the fingers of the other either stroked his ears or twisted at his hair.

“Addie?”

“Daddy?”

“I need to ask you something, okay? About when you get upset. Like you did just know about mummy. Is that okay?”

“That’s okay.”

“When you get like that, does it make you feel any different? Is there a change from how you normally feel?”

“Whaddya mean?”

“Inside of you. Does anything different go on? When you get worked up like that, do you notice anything weird or funny or strange going on? Like in your stomach or your chest or your head or…”

“It hurts a bit,” Addie admits. “Like someone is squeezing my chest really tight. And my heart goes really, really fast and my tummy gets all butterflies in it. But not good butterflies; like when you meet someone beautiful and fall in love with them. Bad butterflies; like I’m gonna throw up. But I don’t.”

It’s the last thing he wanted to hear; yet another one of his kids showing telltale signs of mental health issues. Apparently running rampant through the family thanks to the combination of parental genes; moderate to severe anxiety issues, neurotic tendencies, feelings of panic and fear, episodes of mild to severe depression. He’d hoped that none of them would ever have to battle those kinds of demons; praying to whatever higher power existed -if any- that they’d be spared and their lives filled with nothing but love and light and the most trivial of problems. The guilt is quick to set in; blaming himself for the ‘fucked up, messy genes’ that have been bestowed upon them; a father with a lifetime of trauma and severe mental health issues that bears the titles of alcoholic and drug addict.

“Is that bad?” Addie inquires, and when he glances down he notices the worry that darkens her eyes and lines her face; deep furrows across her brow and the pout capturing her lips. “Am I sick? Am I going to die? I don’t want to die, daddy!”

“You’re not going to die,” he assures her, and tightens his hold on her. “And you’re not sick. It’s pretty normal. A lot of people feel that way. I know I do.”

Her face brightens at his confession; the joy of sharing something -even anxiety- with him and the relief that she isn’t alone in her struggles. “You do?”

Tyler nods. “Quite a lot, actually.”

“That’s part of your brain stuff? Feeling like that?”

“It’s one part of it. One of MANY parts.”

“Is my brain sick too? Is it sad like yours?”

“I don’t think so . I think it’s just something you’re going through. It’ll probably go away as you start growing up.”

She scrambles into a sit. “What if it doesn’t? Will I have to take medicine like you do?”

“You know what, how about we only worry about that IF it happens? Let’s see how it goes, alright? As you get bigger. But if things get worse and you start feeling like more and more and it’s getting stronger, you have to tell me or mumma okay? It’s important that you tell us. Will you promise? That if things get worse you’ll tell me or mumma?”

“I promise.”

“Good girl.” Laying a hand on the back of her head , he gently pulls her closer; pressing a series of kisses down the bridge of her nose. “Mumma and I need to know; if you’re feeling stuff like that.”

“I promise I’ll tell you. I won’t keep it a secret. Can I ask you a question now?”

“Can you lie down and ask it? Because it’s still really early and we still need to get some more sleep.”

Nodding in agreement, she once more stretches out along him. Side of her head resting on his collarbone and her fingers immediately reaching for the chain around his neck; rubbing the pendant -engraved with his and Esme’s zodiac symbols- between her thumb and forefinger.

One palm rests in the middle of her back as the other softly strokes her hair. “What do you want to ask me?”

“What did Austin look like?”

“What?” He gives an uncomfortable laugh; the mere mention of his son’s name tightening his chest. It’s creeping up on him; Addie’s sixth birthday and the anniversary -just three weeks later- of the death of his first child. Some days he doesn’t think of Austin at all; his past life nothing but a faded memory as he enjoys the new one that continues to play out in front of him. Other days the grief is profound; ripping at his heart and clawing at his throat and making his sorrow nearly unbearable. He wonders if it will ever go away; if he’ll wake up one morning and realize that years...decades even…have passed by without being haunted by his son’s demise and his horrible mistake leading up to it. “Where’d that come from?”

“I had a dream. He was in it. He didn’t say his name or anything and I don’t know what he looks like, but I KNEW it was. He was at our house. In Australia. And he was playing with us; chasing us in the sand and throwing us into the water and helping look for rocks and shells and sea glass.”

“Was he a little boy or…?”

“No. He was big. Older than Millie even. A teenager. He looked like you; he was tall and he had your eyes and muscles. Not as big as yours, though. Little ones. What DID he look like?”

“He looked a lot like TJ. Blond hair that was always kinda messy. Blue eyes. Same nose. Ears.”

“That means he was cute then. ‘Cause Tyler’s cute and he looks just like you and you’re cute so…”

“You realize you’ve called me that twice? In less than an hour?”

“It’s a compliment, silly. Mumma said you can be cute AND a bad ass. At the same time.”

“Well if mumma says it, I guess it’s true.”

“Austin was just little, right? When he died?”

“He was. He was six.”

“I’m going to be six soon. Does that mean I’m going to die too?”

“No, Peanut. It doesn’t mean that at all. It has nothing to do with turning the same age. Austin was sick and the doctors couldn’t fix him. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re healthy. VERY healthy.”

“If he was six when he died and you met mummy four years after that…”

“He would have been ten when I met your mum. And I met her almost thirteen years ago.”

“So he’d be…” her eyes narrow and she chews on her bottom lip. “...twenty-three now.”

“That’s pretty damn good; you figuring that out. You’re pretty smart.”

Addie beams. “Like mummy.”

“You’re like mummy in so many ways. And that’s a good thing. A VERY good thing.”

“If Austin never died, would he have lived with his mummy or with you and my mummy?”

He doesn’t have the heart to tell her that if Austin hadn’t passed away, the life she knows wouldn’t even exist. SHE wouldn’t exist. Had his first born son never been diagnosed with cancer and had lived a healthy life, he would have never gotten into the job; he would have stayed in the military and made it his career and would have never had a reason to even think about the ‘job’, never mind actually getting into it. And although his first marriage still would have fallen apart for many reasons, his path never would have crossed with Esme’s. Meeting her had only taken place because of his choice to become a mercenary; his enormous guilt and regret and immense sorrow pushing him in that direction.

Addie couldn’t handle hearing it; the cold, hard truth. Not even at fifty years old, never mind only five. She’s remarkably different from his other girls.; tiny and dainty and sensitive to a fault. Prone to easily having her feelings hurt and bursting into tears if someone so much as raises their voice at her or casts an angry or disappointed look in her direction. Millie and Brooklyn are ‘harder’. Boisterous and fearless and ‘rough and tumble’ ; never blinking under the often harsh teasing from their brothers and never flinching when they’re scolded or punished. They’d never needed the amount of coddling and physical contact that Addie craves; always needing cuddles and kisses and unabashedly seeking them out whenever she craves them. The others hate the idea of being ‘babied; fiercely independent and not needing the level of attention and reassurance that their sister does. And it’s a welcome change; the one little girl that he can dote on and spoil and treat like a princess. Something he -of all people given his sheer size and physical prowess and often intimidating nature- had never known he wanted; something so bright and beautiful that needs him almost as much as he needs them. She keeps him grounded and ‘light’ in ways the others can’t; her purity and her innocence infectious, her giggle and her smile and the way the word ‘daddy’ sounds coming out of her mouth doing wonders for his aching body, mind, and soul.

“He probably would have lived with his mum,” he says, fingers lightly dancing over her silky, dark hair. “And come to visit us.”

“He had a good mum? She was good to him?”

“She was VERY good to him. She loved him very, very much. And he loved her just the same; they were really close. Did everything together. Because I was away a lot.”

“When you were in the military?”

He nods.

“Was she as good as my mum?”

“Peanut, I don’t think there’s anyone in this world that is as good as your mum. Your mum is pretty awesome. She’s been through a lot of stuff in the past twelve years. Stuff that would have scared other people off. But she hung in there and she made things work even when I thought they might fall apart. And she had all you guys; all seven of you. That’s something. That’s a lot of babies.”

“No one is as good as my mum. No one. She’s pretty and she’s funny and she always gives us hugs and kisses and stops whatever she’s doing to pay attention to us. And she does fun things with us. Even when she doesn’t really have the time to do them. She just stops everything and gives us whatever we need. And she has fun doing it. Spending time with us.”

“Your mummy loves you guys so much. You know, there was a time she thought she wouldn’t even be a mummy. And I think that’s why she gives so much of herself. Why she’s always willing to put everything else aside for you guys. Because she never thought she’d have kids. And now she’s so happy she does.”

“But she had to have help, right? To have us. You had to help.”

“I played a little part in it.”

“What did you have to do?”

“Things that you’ll find out when you’re older. MUCH older.”

“How much older?”

“I don’t know…” he presses a kiss to her forehead. “...thirty? Forty?”

She giggles. “Daddy! That’s way far away! I need to know before that.”

“I’ll decide when you need to know those things. Until then? I’m going to keep you locked in your room. So no boys can get to you. Or girls, if that’s the way you wanna go.”

“Like Rapunzel,” Addie muses. “She was locked in her room. But her parents were mean and that’s why they did it. You and mumma aren’t mean. You just don’t want me meeting someone and moving away.”

“That’s EXACTLY it. I don’t want that. I want you to stay little forever. Exactly how you are right now. The one that still wants me to cuddle her and still likes to spend time with me.”

“I’ll ALWAYS want daddy cuddles. And to spend time with you. Why wouldn’t I want cuddles? Why wouldn’t I want to do things with you? You’re my daddy. I love you.”

“And I love you. So much. So very, very, VERY much.”

“If I’m going to be like Rapunzel, I better start growing my hair faster.”

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “You better.”

Abandoning the chain around his neck, her fingers move to the tattoo that graces the left side of his throat. “What was her name?”

“Who?”

“Austin’s mummy. What was her name?”

“Why so many questions? Especially about this stuff?”

“I’m just curious. What was it? Her name?”

“Her name is Sarah.”

“That’s a pretty name. Not as pretty as Esme, though.”

“No. It’s not. But you and I are a little biased, so…”

“Just a bit,” Addie agrees. “What does she look like? Does she look like mummy?”

“Nope. She’s totally different than your mum. She’s tall and heavier and more muscley. Blond hair. Green eyes.”

“She sounds pretty. But no one is prettier than mummy. NO ONE.”

“I have to agree there. I don’t think anyone else is either.”

“Was she nice? Austin’s mum?”

“She had her moments. And speaking of moments…” he lightly pats her bum. “...the moment is long past for you to go back to sleep for a while. So you’re not too tired to have fun at the American Girl store.”

“I’m not sleepy though. I’m too excited to be sleepy. I get to spend the day with you. All by myself!”

“And you know what? I’m excited about that too. But I’m also very tired and if I don’t get any sleep…”

“You’ll be really grumpy. Like a bear with a sore asshole.”

Laughing, he clasps her face in both palms and presses a kiss to her lips. “I think you sometimes listen to your mum TOO much. Do you think you could try? To get some more sleep?”

Addie nods. “I’m going to lie down on the other side of mumma. So she’s in between us. Then we can both snuggle her, okay?”

“I think that’s a great idea. Be careful though…” he lays a hand on her hip as she gets to her knees and begins the gingerly process of climbing over her mother without disturbing her. “...don’t fall on her, kick her, knee her, anything like that, okay?”

“I’m careful. And smooth. Like a ninja.”

Crawling under the sleeping bag, she settles herself on her side between Esme and the back of the couch. And he watches silently as the five year old’s hand begins softly exploring her mother’s face; gently fingertips moving across her forehead and over her eyes and along the bridge of her nose. So much love and adoration written all over Addie’s face that it brings tears to his eyes and causes a lump of emotion to settle in his throat.

Esme stirs; soft whimper followed by a groan of disapproval. And he rolls over onto his side and moves closer to her; lips meeting the back of her head as his hand rests on her hips. “It’s alright, baby. It’s just Addie. Climbing in with us.”

“Okay…” she mutters, and her eyes flicker open.

“Hi mumma,” Addie greets, her smile spreading from ear to ear.

“Hi little bug.”

“Daddy said I could sleep here. You’re in the middle so we can BOTH snuggle you. Alright?”

“Alright. I can’t think of anything better; stuck in the centre of a daddy and Addie cuddle sandwich.”

“Go to sleep, mumma.” Addie presses a kiss to her mother’s lips, then snuggles into her as tight as she possibly can. “Daddy and I got you. We’ll take good care of you. Right, daddy?”

“Right,” he agrees, as his hand slides to his wife’s stomach. Palm pressed against where he imagines his unborn child could be resting; safe and secure in the confines of its mother’s body. And he leans in to place a kiss on her cheek, whispering “I love you” into her ear before burying his face in her hair.

***** She busies herself with household chores; two loads of laundry to wash and dry, suitcases that still need to be packed, a sink full of dirty dishes. The house is oddly quiet; Addie and Tyler gone for their trip to the American Girl store, Desi taking the others out shopping and to lunch and a movie. It feels odd to have no commotion going on around her; no flurry of activity, no little voices all shouting for attention at the same time, no video games blaring from the television in the living room. And while the silence and the lull should fill her with a sense of peace, she finds it even more distracting; enabling her brain to go into overdrive and allowing her to dwell on the mountain of worries that are plaguing her.

It’s a welcome relief when she hears the front door click open and her sister’s voice shouts out in greeting. Both dogs snapping out of their naps and rushing towards the visitor; the loud jingling of their tags against their collars accompanied by their raucous barking. And she laughs just minutes later as Riley’s arm curls around her neck, pulling her backwards into her sister’s much taller frame.

“What are you doing here? I thought you and Shaena were playing tourists today?”

“Way too damn cold!” The red head grumbles. “And you can’t enjoy yourself when there’s that much white shit on the ground.”

“It’s kinda weird; growing up in Colorado yet complaining about the temperature and the weather here. New York City has nothing on Snowmass.”

“Are you kidding me? It’s a dry cold there. Here? Damp as fuck; you feel right into your bones! And the wind? Why is it always so windy here? Isn’t that supposed to be Chicago?”

“I think you’ve just become completely spoiled,” Esme muses, as she presses a kiss to her sister’s forearm and then turns her attention back to the sink of soap suds and dirty dishes in front of her. “Moving to Australia totally turned you from snow bunny to beach bum.”

“Was the lifestyle change I desperately needed and didn’t even realize it,” Riley admits, then plants a noisy kiss on Esme’s temple before stepping alongside her, fetching a towel from the countertop and starting on an already full rake of plates, bowls, silverware, and cups. “What happened? Dishwasher broke?”

“The dishwasher is full. Because we have been so caught up on laundry and putting Christmas shit away and packing to go home, that we never even gave it a second thought. So sadly, I have to do it the hard way. Like the pioneers did.”

“Well thankfully, you still have electricity, running water, and flushing toilets. You do, right? Have flushing toilets?”

“When Takota isn't shoving things that shouldn’t be shoved down them, they flush just fine.” Sighing, she drops her head to her shoulder; using the latter to push wayward strands of hair off her brow and away from her forehead.

“You sound a little...stressed.”

“You think? I’m just a little...oh I don’t know...overwhelmed. I’ve still got shit to pack, I’ve got to confirm our flight plans, I’ve got to somehow pick up the girls’ dresses for the wedding between now and Saturday morning, and I totally forgot to make a hair or nail appointment. So yeah, I am just a tad stressed.”

“Not to mention you've got a little Australian hot cross bun cooking in the oven.”

Her hands still within the soapy water as she glances over at her sister, both eyebrows raised. “He told you?”

“Well, I suspected and asked. He just confirmed it. Did you know he’s already got that goofy, proud as hell, daddy to be grin going on? For a guy that only had to put in five minutes of effort…”

“Don’t ever let him hear you say that. There’s no insult quite as damaging to his ego as that. And in his defense, he puts in more effort than that. A LOT more. He’s a very willing, extremely talented, and selfless participant.”

“I do NOT need the gory details, thank you. Bad enough I’ve come over and he’s been wandering around butt ass naked. Outside.”

Esme laughs. “That’s just the way he is. He has no fucks to give. Not to mention, we’re pretty secluded where we are and we’re not used to people just showing up. If you’d used the front door like a normal person and not come down the beach…”

“I thought I’d be perfectly safe. I wasn’t expecting to see my brother in law in all his naked glory.”

“You’re lucky it’s only happened that once. Tyler’s known to strip down when he’s out there. At least four to five times a week. He’s in his own little world and there’s no one around to bother him; if he’s dirty from working on the land or he’s been surfing, he’ll just whip his clothes off and use the outdoor shower. To be honest, he’d probably whip them off in front of a crowd of people. He literally does not give a shit.”

“Well, I’ll give credit where credit is due. Even though I do go for the ladies, I was pretty impressed. It’s only fuelled my all time burning question, though. How does he NOT break you in half? I mean, you’re so tiny and he’s so….not tiny.”

“We manage. Although sometimes I wonder if he IS going to break me in half. But in all fairness, that’s my fault. I’m the one who tells him to kick it up a notch and who likes it…”

“I do NOT want to hear this. I know you’re a kinky little thing, but I don’t need the details. If you say it’s fun, I believe you. And it MUST be. You’re still satisfied with the same dick after almost twelve and a half years.”

“I have zero complaints. Nothing but praise, believe me.”

“I remember the old Esme. The one that got bored of guys really quickly and sent them on their way. I mean, other than Tyler and he who shall not be named, you’re not exactly known for being a long term kinda of gal.”

“Never met anyone that could hold my interest long enough. People I dated? All they wanted out of me was purely physical and I longed for something more than that. They just weren’t the type that I could get that out of. Not everything is about sex, Ry. I don’t quite have the resume that you do.”

“I keep forgetting; you’ve always been more into finding someone that’s soul food and not just good for the body.”

“You make it sound like there’s something wrong with me. When you say it like that. I’m not some kind of freak because I didn’t bang everyone that showed interest. I was just looking for more than that. And the people I was with? They bored me. And if they weren’t turning me on in every way…”

“You wanted both clitoral AND intellectual stimulation.”

“I guess that’s one way of putting it.”

“Kind of funny Tyler fits that bill. He’s not exactly the intellectual type.”

Esme frowns. “He’s not exactly stupid, either. He happens to be very smart, Ry. Way smarter than anyone gives him credit for. Why do people think he’s not? I fucking hate that; people underestimating him like that.”

“Okay...that’s not what I was doing…”

“It’s like people hear what he does for a living or look at him and think he’s stupid. They see the size of him and the muscles and the scars and the tattoos and they think doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together.”

“Me-Me, I do not look at Tyler that way. I never have. I was just teasing. I didn’t…”

“He’s not a dumb ass, alright? I know he has his issues; with his brain. And I know things are starting to slip; his short term memory is getting worse and he’s got some cognitive things going on and he sometimes doesn’t make the best decisions. But he’s a good man and he’s a great husband and an even better father and he’s not stupid! He’s not...he’s….” She tosses the dish rag into the sink and brings soap covered hands to her face as she bursts into tears. “...fuck...these fucking hormones!”

“Hey...hey…” Riley peels her sister’s hands away from her face and uses the dish towel to dry them. “....what’s going on? What…?”

“I am so overwhelmed. I’m not doing well with this. At all. Accepting this.”

“Accepting the baby or…?”

“Everything. Everything is falling apart, And I’m trying so hard to keep it all together and I’m worried I won’t be able to do it for much longer.”

“Okay, you need to take a breath and start at the beginning. I know things are pretty damn scary right now and having another baby wasn’t exactly on your radar, but…”

“Things are getting worse. With Tyler.”

“What things? Between the two of you? With his mental health issues? Esme, give me something here. Please.”

“With his brain injury. I know the doctor said that things could start to deteriorate; short term memory, cognitive skills, temper. Even his handwriting is getting worse. And he gets confused so easily; even with the most simple things. There’s times when he’s talking and he just stops and it’s like he can’t come up with the words. Sometimes he manages to remember them, but other times it’s like his brain just won’t let him. And then I see it; in his eyes. How it frustrates him. And how worried he is.”

“Have you said anything to him? About all that stuff?”

“I’ve tried. But he doesn’t want to talk about it. He’s scared. I know he is. I know when to back off; when not to push things. And if I push it…”

“What about his doctor? The shrink. Have you talked to him?”

“I sent him an email. He said we’ll talk in the new year. He’s away on vacation.”

“Listen…” Riley places her hands on Esme’s shoulders. “...I know it’s hard not to read into things and it’s even harder to calm down when someone tells you to, but you need to calm down and not dwell. All those things you mentioned? They’re not necessarily signs that things are getting worse. I know I’m not a shrink, but I am a nurse and I would not lie to you about this. You know that, right?”

Esme nods.

“Tyler’s been under a lot of stress. The last five years have been sheer and utter hell. And the business is really picking up and yeah, he’s struggling with his bipolar and PTSD. He’s been overworked and overwhelmed and all those things? It’s very possible it’s just how the stress and the fight with his mental health are making him act. There is no guarantee this is a sign that things are deteriorating.”

“Really?”

“Really. And I think he realizes he’s in a little over his head and that he needs help so things DON’T get worse. Would he have called me if he wasn’t thinking right? Me-Me, his brain is working just fine. He went into protective hubby and daddy to be mode right away; he stepped it up and he admitted he needed it and he called me. That isn’t a man who’s losing it. Not by a long shot.”

“He actually did surprise me,” she admits. “When he told me he called you. I expected him to dwell on things, you know? Tyler has a tendency to do that; he always has. But he didn’t even hesitate. He outright admitted he needed help and went looking for it. And that’s a big step for him. That’s huge, actually.”

“It is. That shows he’s progressing, not regressing. And look how well he’s been dealing with other things; how well he’s been running that business. It’s like a well oiled machine. Look at the rep he has; he’s got clients pouring in, he’s got umpteen people wanting to work for him. He’s obviously doing something right or none of that would be happening. He’s doing so well, Esme. Especially considering everything that happened to him five years ago. And I know you love him; more than you love yourself. I also know you worry about him. But right now? You need to try and calm down and concentrate on yourself. And that baby you’ve got in there.”

“I don’t want to lose him to this. To his mind. I don’t…”

“There is nothing saying that is going to happen,” Riley gently interjects. “The things you’ve noticed? Stress can do all of that. Especially to someone whose brain is already vulnerable.”

“When I think of losing him, I think of the job. I think he’ll go out there one day and someone will kill him. I’ve almost kind of relegated myself to you, you know? That if old age doesn’t kill him, a bullet probably will. I mean, he’s a mercenary. I married into this life. And honestly, I’d rather lose him that way than his brain deteriorate and watch him slip away.”

“Esme…” Riley firmly clasps her sister’s face in her hands. “...listen to me. I would not lie to you. About anything. But certainly not about Tyler. I don’t see what you’re seeing, sweets. I don’t.”

“You don’t live with him. I see it. I’m not making this up.”

“I’m not saying you’re making it up. I’m saying maybe you’re reading too much into it. We all know that you can be a little neurotic…”

“I’m not being neurotic. I see these things. That’s my husband. The father of my kids. I see what’s happening to him.”

“I think what you’re seeing isn’t as bad as your brain is telling you it is. I think you’re stressed and you’re overwhelmed and your brain is making a bigger deal out of things than it needs to. Do you really think the business would be this successful if he was losing his mind? Do you really think he’d be able to step it up and take care of you and those kids? Do you think he would have recognized he needed help and called me?”

“No…” she sniffles. “...I guess not.”

“Sweets, you need to just try and take it easy, alright? I highly doubt things are as bad as your brain is making them out to be. Considering everything he’s been through and everything he’s been dealing with? Tyler is functioning very well. You have to admit that; that he has surpassed every doom and gloom bullshit those doctors gave you.”

“He has. He totally proved everything wrong. And he keeps proving them wrong. Every day. He’s so strong, Ry. He is the strongest person I have ever known. And when I think of a life with him being that way …”

“Then don’t think about it. You’re your own worst enemy, you know that? Esme, he is fine. Do you really think if something was going to go wrong with the brain injury, it would have taken almost thirteen years?”

She shakes her head.

“It would have already happened. You see how well he’s doing. How far he’s come. He’s fine, Me-Me. I think you’re overwhelmed and you’re tired and you’re worried and it’s just making things seem worse. You need to take it easy, alright? It’s not just you to worry about now.”

“This is the last thing I expected. Another baby. I mean, I’m forty-two years old.”

“That’s not exactly old. Women are having babies into their fifties these days.”

“Yeah, well they’re fucking insane. Number eight, Ry. EIGHT. Knowing my luck, nine too.”

“I highly doubt it’s another set of multiples.”

“What if there’s something wrong? Because of my age? What if…?”

“Then you deal with it. You’re not in this alone. You’ve got an incredible man in your corner. Who loves you so wholly and completely. Right to his very soul. If any couple can raise a baby with issues, it’s you guys. Look at everything you’ve been through together. Everything that would have destroyed weaker couples. You guys just kicked ass and kept going on. And that’ll happen again; if it has to.”

“I just worry I won’t be good at that kind of thing. Being that kind of mom.”

“Esme, you ARE that kind of mom. Look at Tanner. All his issues. Look how you’ve handled that. How you stepped to fight for what he needs and what will help him thrive. You’ve gone to bat for that kid over and over again and you and Tyler are raising him to be an amazing self advocate. You already ARE that mom.”

“I never thought about it that way,” she admits. “I guess I don’t think of TANNER that way. I don’t look at him and see his diagnosis. I just see him. I just see Nugget. And how well he’s doing. I mean, he struggles and we have to help him from time to time, but he’s done way better than we expected him to. And every day he gets more and more amazing.”

“Because of how you and Tyler are raising him. Don’t you see that? He’s doing that well because of the mom and dad he has. Because you two love those kids with everything you have. And there’s nothing that stands in your way when it comes to providing for those kids and making their lives incredible. Give yourself some credit, okay? You are a good mom. A damn good mom.”

“Sometimes I think I am; that I’m doing alright. But then Millie comes along and totally blows that out of the way and makes me feel like a shit mom.”

“Millie is also two years away from being a teenager,” Riley reasons. “An asshole teenager, at that. She is her father’s daughter; she’s stubborn and she’s tough as nails and she does not give an inch when she thinks she’s right about something. Hell, she doesn’t even give it if there’s proof she’s wrong.”

“She hates me. She’s hated me since she was six years old and I lied to her about Tyler being hurt and in the hospital.”

“She doesn’t hate you. You’re her mother. You know what she IS doing though? Holding a grudge. Because like I said, she’s her father’s daughter and she’s stubborn as fuck. Probably even more stubborn than he is. And I bet the old puberty monster is howling on the doorstep and that’s only going to make things worse.”

“She’s starting to develop. Told Tyler the other day she needed to get a bra.”

“Oh shit…” Riley can’t help but snicker. “...that must have gone over well.”

“I think he aged ten years in about thirty seconds. That was NOT what he wanted to hear. That’s his little girl. His first daughter. His miracle baby. The thought of her having boobs and getting her period and boys paying attention to her? He just can’t handle any of that.”

“Well, he doesn’t need to worry too much about the boys. They get out of hand? Millie will kick their asses herself.”

“Yeah,” Esme laughs. “She most certainly will.”

“Now…” Riley loops her sister’s hair behind her ears. “...your ever adoring husband called me about an hour ago and asked me to come over. Take care of the things in the house that you’re so worried about. Shaena’s out shopping and she’s going to get someone to come here and do your hair and your nails the morning of the wedding?”

“Really?” Tears well in her eyes once more. “She’s doing all that?”

“The girls’ hair too. It’s all taken care of, alright? And she’s going to pick everyone’s dresses up and bring them here. So that’s a few things off your list already. You know what else he told me? That you didn’t sleep well last night. And he’s worried. Already in protective daddy to be mode. So, I’m here, and I will cross off whatever I can on your to-do list. Alright?”

“You don’t have to, Ry. You don’t…”

“I want to. You’re my sister. This is my family too. And when things need to get done, we step up and we help each other out. How many times have you and Tyler done that for me and Shaena? When we’ve been working or we’ve gone away and the kittens need to be looked after? You guys always step up. So, we’re returning the favour.”

“Thank you. I really DO need sleep. And Desi won’t be back for a while; he took the kids and Alannah shopping and to a movie.”

“That means you have time for not just a nap, but a long, hot bubble bath. Unfortunately, you can’t have your usual glass or two of wine with it.”

“Glass or two?” Esme scoffs. “More like the whole bottle some days.”

“Sadly, you can’t indulge. I could make you a tea. Bring it up to you?”

She nods. “Tea sounds perfect.”

“Everything’s going to be okay,” Riley assures her, then pulls her into a tight hug. “Things happen for a reason, right?”

Esme laughs. “You’re sounding like Tyler.”

“Well what can I say?” She presses a kiss to her sister’s cheek. “The Aussie’s starting to rub off on me.”

#Tyler Rake #Tyler Rake fan fiction #Extraction fan fiction #Chris Hemsworth #Chris Hemsworth Extraction #Tyler Rake fan fic #Extraction fan fic #Tyler Rake x OFC #Tyler and Esme series

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