#AND THERE'S HARDLY ANYONE TO TALK TOO
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in between Malevolent episodes I have fallen DEEP into Wolf 359 brainworms, reports will not tell when I will resurface- the niche horror podcast brainworms are very strong.
#wolf 359#doug eiffel#wolf359#sorry that's enough centaurs for now#back to horror podcasts#i decided malevolent wasn't enough#i needed an EVEN MORE NICHE#10yo completed space oddessey#BUT I'M OBSESSED#AND THERE'S HARDLY ANYONE TO TALK TOO#I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT THIS SHOW#AND IT'S APPROACH TO PERSONHOOD
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asking and receiving (bonus below readmore)
[ID: A black and white, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood. In the first panel is a close up of Wolfwood's mouth as he says, "Vash". Accompanying it is a close up shot of Vash's eye, widen and cheeks flushed. Wolfwood presses a knee against the open space between Vash's legs and says, "Tell me everything you want from me." Wolfwood's face is equally as flushed. He continues to say, "I'll give it to you. Everything." As he talks, a wide shot shows the both of them in white space. Vash is sitting, leaning a little back with both hands pressed against the surface he's sitting on. Wolfwood is in his white dress shirt, stripped of the blazer. He's still leaning in with one knee in between Vash's spread legs, his right hand touching Vash's lips and his left hand behind his back.
The shot closes in on Vash's mouth and Wolfwood's hand against it, pressing down on the lower lip as he says, "You have to ask though. Go on." His hand moves down to Vash's chin, gently holding it. With a shy and uncertain expression, Vash hesitantly asks, "Um... K... Kiss... Please?" Wolfwood, without wasting a second, leans in and kisses him and indulges by pressing deeper, eliciting a small noise of surprise from Vash.
Wolfwood moves away from Vash first and with a smile, asks, "What else?" Vash tugs on Wolfwood's left sleeve, wordlessly budging Wolfwood to give him his hand that was still behind his back. In the next panel, Vash utters, "Hold me..?" He's holding Wolfwood's left hand with his own while his right hand is reaching for his waist. Wolfwood complies, moving his left hand to Vash's shoulder and his right hand continues to touch Vash's cheek. Wolfwood asks again, "What else?"
More comfortable now, Vash leans in to kiss Wolfwood. Wolfwood catches him immediately, pressing his thumb against Vash's lips to stop him before demanding, "Hey. Ask." Vash looks back in surprise and Wolfwood meets his eye with a quiet, insistent look. They're quiet for a moment before Vash leans in again and curtly requests, "Kiss. Me." Wolfwood says "Good", smiling as he lifts his hand away, and meets Vash's lips. In the next shot, Wolfwood had adjusted his position, sitting on Vash's thigh. The hand that was once on Vash's cheek has moved its way to Vash's nape, pushing away the collar of his jacket with his pinky. His other hand continues to grip on Vash's shoulder. Still kissing, Wolfwood asks again, "What else?"
In the next shot, Vash is starting to turn, moving Wolfwood with him. Vash asks, "Let me on top of you?" Wolfwood says, "Mhm" before asking again, "What else?" The next panel shows a close look of Vash's face. He's looking down, flushed and shy just as he had been at the beginning, but now, more decisive. Vash asks, "Wolfwood... Let me have you..?" A panel of Wolfwood taking Vash's hand into his, pulling it towards his chest. The next panel shows Wolfwood lying down where Vash had laid him. Vash's hand is on Wolfwood's chest, covering the cross of his rosary while Wolfwood's hand lingers against his, loosely pressing Vash's hand in place. He looks up at Vash with a shy smile of his own, flushed cheeks. He says, "All yours."
A panel shows a close up of Vash's tender gaze before he leans down to be closer to Wolfwood. The final shot is a front view of their positions, Vash's face turned away from the viewer; Vash is leaning over Wolfwood who's lying down with his right leg draped over Vash's legs. Wolfwood's left hand holds onto Vash's left arm. With finality, Vash says, "...Mine." End ID]
[ID: A follow up bonus comic in a looser, sketchier style. They're laying comfortably in bed when Vash asks, "What was that earlier?" referecing to the start of the previous comic. Wolfwood glances away and says, "To get you used to it. Asking. And getting what you ask for. Since you're alwasy hesitant about it." Vash's eyes widen, tight lipped. Wolfwood continues, "Knowing you, it'll be a tough habit to break..." When he says this, Vash can't help but laugh, unable to deny it. Wolfwood slowly brings a hand to Vash's cheek and continues to say, "So I'll keep trying -- whatever ways I can... to get it through your thick skull." Vash takes Wolfwood's hand with his, kissing the the palm gently. Wolfwood's eyes soften and holding onto Vash's cheek, he leans in to try for a kiss. Vash says, "Hey..." before stopping Wolfwood's lips with the back of his hand, a smug look on his face, "Ask." Wolfwood's embarrassed and with little irritation, asks, "Really?" Vash smiles, saying, "You're in need of practice too." They pause for a moment, Wolfwood looking contemplatively, before he's leaning in again, asking, "May I please kiss you?" Vash looks him in the eyes and says, "Yes." The comic ends with a "chu", indicating an off-panel kiss. End ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#it took me so long to post this even after getting clarification about the maturity warning and stuff#bc i am so shy about it. SDGMKDSGMKSD I LIKE THIS COMIC BUT IM ALSO SO LIKE... AUGHHHH....#when i posted this on twitter though it was like... a few days after ep 11? ive always had the thought circling about vash deserving of#asking for things... and getting what he wants bc he never gets both. doesn't get the opportunity to ask and hardly does he get what he want#maybe the results can go in his favor but at some point along the way he'll still lose something bc nothing can ever go perfectly for him...#and he's usually the one begging and pleading with people to not. do something. it's not even asking at that point it's just straight up#please believe me. please trust me. please don't shoot that person. please don't kill anyone. please don't do it.#and wolfwood.... it was not always this lovey dovey ok. he wouldv noticed this habit miles away and they got into a fight about it the first#time they talked about it bc wolfwood is being hypocritical too. as he always is!!!! but i think as they get more intimate#wolfwood finds ways to make vash understand. smth smth insatiable want and love and desire for wolfwood that makes it much easier to ask.#wolfwood can also just be so compliant. sometimes. which is also an issue in of itself that id love to explore at some point#but he also just enjoys giving into vash fully and completely.#bc he loves him a lot. but anyway#i hope the id is comprehendible.... please lmk if there's something wrong with how im doing it asfdgkdsmgs#ruporas art
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Hi guys, this is usually what a doodle page ends up looking like <3 (oh, and @ancha-aus thought you might like this! Not writing but certainly fuel to my fire lol-)
This one is New Age filled!!! (Close-ups abd Lore beneath the cut!)
1) Night and Cross!
Night is actually very clingy once he's a teen. He doesn't usually realize it, but around the castle he'll snake to be closer to his Knights so long as there's no one he needs to keep his composure infront of is nearby. Cross is the one who's not used to physical touch (when it's not Ink ofc) so Night in his personal bubble makes his heart melt but also scares tf out of him <3
2) Error and Night's Meeting!
Error was carrying his whole life on his back and trying not to get arrested for unintentional property damage at this point, so when he saw the chance to get back at his brother and prove he was strong enough? Yeah, he got that on chance instantly. And was VERY smug when Nightmare chose him. (Also, Error is wearing gloves, so less Haphephobia)
3) Dream and Blue designs!
I think these are good tentative designs! Dream probably has a more regal fit, but he likes to play up that rugged exile look- He's inspired by Archers, while Blue takes on that classic Knightly-vibe. Their equipment is mostly stolen from Night's troops or brought with them from Blue's home kingdom.
Also, Dream is approx Killer's height at this point, shorter than Cross and *much* shorter than Apple!Nightmare. (Hc that Skeletons tend to be tinier in stature thanks to weird monster beauty standards. Horror and Geno's fam are outliers.)
4) Horror and Dust designs!
Horror is naturally a very *large* monster. He's very malnourished when Nightmare meets him, but by the time he's a Knight Nightmare has made sure that's no longer the case. He actually loves comfy, simple clothes, but to play up the whole 'strong mysterious' bit he wears a more barbaric Knight's garb. He doesn't mind acting scary, it's more fun that way :]. Dust is very very small, and envies horror sometimes for his size, but his tiny stature let's him control his body and move a lot quicker. He's very much based on a rogue, and usually covers the lower part of his face w/ a black cloth, and the upper part w/ his hood or mask. Dust only removes both to bathe, eat, or relax in a safe location. (Ignore that I can't draw the stupid gaster blaster lmao-)
These last two were space-fillers, but Cross and his Borzoi (Windmill, otherwise known as Milly (Killer named her-)) and really bad first wips of Ccino! I think Ccino was a chubby, happy toddler, but lost a lot of 'weight' (bone mass? Magic?) due to stress and pressure and bad eating habits. So it isn't until a while after the Coronation that he starts to relax abd feel safe enough to eat normal meals (Nightmare used to guilt him into eating snacks together, but as his boss (and younger brother) he can encourage it more often). By the time Killer shows he's still not quite healthy, but he's better. As more weight is lifted off his shoulders, the better he is. (That 'beauty' most people saw was a more stereotypical slimness, but Killer never stopped seeing Ccino as beautiful-) I think he never looked traditionally underweight, so no one noticed, and it was only much later that Night processed it. (And maybe it's why Dream hardly recognized him later on-)
#new age au#I love showing mundane life things-#and also these designs beamed into my brain#I can't draw Ccino for anything but the others? yeag#Blue is definitely my fave. and just like every au I will draw Blue perfect the first time and draw Dust 6 billion times 😔#Horror is kinda banger too tho#makes me laugh to imagine Horror picking up Dust mid-fight out of convenience and Dust weighs nothing to him#(also this size difference is exactly why Dust and Horror fight in the non-magic training. and why Horror accidentally obliterated his#shoulder later on lmao- Dust needs to be able to dodge any enemy. Horror needs to aim for small and quick targets.)#(Meanwhile Cross is the newest and Killer the oldest and if Cross adapts to Killer then he'll adapt to the others more easily.)#oh! and Ccino w/ his arc? I think I really like the idea of a Ccino with a plump body-type. but that conflicts with my vidion of Ccino kinda#losing track of eating and being co-erced by adults to skip meals just enough to make him the 'right amount' of curvy#so when Nightmare takes over it's a habit he's so used to he hardly notices that he's doing it. but. Night picks up on it because Ccino is#almost akways with him. their relationship is very much Ccino giving his life to help Night#but it's also Night recognizing that and giving it back to Ccino along with more the moment he can#just smth smth this au is full of fit and exercized people and I think Ccino deserves some comfort and healing and positivity <3#also I am SO fond of Nightmare getting up in people's bubbles. he does it most to Killer and Ccino for obvious reasons but#god forbid a noble be talking behind his back because he *will* twist around and shove under his knight's arms or sides just to#read them the riot act or stare them down <3#and I think when he was an adult Night was... kinda like the big brother? like. not an experienced one by any means. but he wasn't *not*#affectionate then either. he was better at being serious about it and more discreet. but like#Nervous Cross escorting him in public? Night nudges his shoulder briefly with a Tendril to try and comfort him. Dust having a magic overload#? personal Training against just Night so there was no risk of harming anyone else. then snacks and tea after.#Horror is homesick? Woah look at that a scheduled trip back to visit with Crop and side-track back to Horror's village? huh?? wild...#Killer upset at all? Night will find a solution. just you wait. a cat. two cats. perhaps even a cat in a little sweater? or y'know. just a#chat or a combat?#Nightmare showed his affections but was just more distant about it.#Oh also. all four were used to tendrils lifting/tugging them subconsciously. usually during trainings to avoid them hurting eachother by#mistake in their early days. Killer misses it sometimes
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14, 15, 25 for end of year! 🩵
thank you so much for the questions!! :D
a fic you didn’t expect to write: oh my god, so many of them honestly. I wrote several fics for birthdays and those were all planned. but in april I started writing a fic with a (somewhat flighty) friend of mine that I definitely didn't expect to write and honestly probably never expected to write but that also might not ever see the light of day bc rn I'm stuck waiting for her to write a section and it's been months. so WE SHALL SEE I think the biggest surprises (aside from the aforementioned WIP) all happened in the second half of the year. I didn't expect to write a rugan fic (DIDN'T KNOW HE COULD STAY ALIVE FOR SOOOOO LONG) and I definitely didn't expect to write the two nancy drew fics that I wrote after the one I wrote for my sister. one of them (the thanos one) was less of a surprise since it had been a wip for almost a decade. but the other one (the grigor one) was a huge surprise since that one had only been plotted out (somewhat) for almost a decade. that said, aside from the probably-forever-wip fic, the biggest surprise of them all is the one that I'm currently writing (albeit very slowly) that will also take a metric fuckton of coding before I can start posting it, so that won't start being posted until sometime next year. the huge surprise there is that I never expected to get into stardew valley, let alone to write fic for it... eight years after it first came out, but that's just how it goes sometimes... honestly, if I had more time right now and wasn't spending the vast majority of my days doing phd research and writing my dissertation, I'd be spending all of my time on that fic just bc it's so damn fun to write. I can't wait for people to get to read that one :D
something you learned this year: this is a good question. I don't think that I learned anything huge but I feel like I learned a lot of little things: I found that I will always be able to surprise myself in one way or another. I really like experimenting with different things and seeing what works out. there's less fear in that for me than other people (apparently) seem to feel, and that knowledge does feel pretty liberating, honestly! I learned that I am a lot funnier than I give myself credit for, or rather than I was always told I was growing up. and I learned that I am not only capable of writing longfic, sometimes longficitis strikes me when it used to be something that I worried I wouldn't be able to make happen. which, in terms of problems to have, is honestly not a bad thing at all :D I also learned that I care a lot less these days about having an actual audience so long as I'm writing what I want to write. like, no one is out there reading my nancy drew fics, and that's fine. I doubt anyone will be reading the stardew valley fic this long after the game came out. and the fic I'm writing with my friend is even less likely to go anywhere. but that's okay! because I'm enjoying myself and that's what matters!!
a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read: this one also isn't easy. I honestly don't read a ton of fic (especially while I'm writing something myself or busy working) but I will end up with small periods where I read loads of it. my tastes for fic esp can also be a bit all over the place, so I'll list a few (since I know I have a lot of friends from different fandoms on here): Kingdom Come: Deliverance - Hans Capon/Henry of Skalitz - in character and it gets the dynamics right. doesn't make either of them too weepy or too assholeish. just insanely well-done Dragon Age II - Carver/F!Hawke - I am starved for more Carver/Hawke smut but this one is amaaaaaazing and the most in character it could ever possibly be. bathroom sex leading to bedroom sex Dragon Age II - Fenris/F!Hawke - sex pollen and a rescue. just a delicious and super ic well-written fic Resident Evil 2 Remake - Leon Kennedy/Claire Redfield - hhhhh I also yearn for more good porn of them but this really hits the spot. post-canon motel room sex. just really really good all around Baldur's Gate 3 - Durgetash - fellow zhent book club members will have already read this fic but it's by far my favorite iteration of their dynamic that I've seen And then there's the fic that I reread about once a quarter at least because it is simply a Perfect Fic, which was a present from my sister to me for my birthday (very belated present) some years ago: Persona 5 - Yusuke Kitagawa/Ann Takamaki
full list of questions is here!
#if anyone wants to inquire about the fic that may never see the light of day they absolutely can#I just don't want to get anyone's hopes up about that fic#that said I don't think anyone would care all too much since it is an ancient fandom with hardly anyone in it SO WHO KNOWS#WHOOOOOOO KNOWS#also SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG#all of these felt like I had so much to say about each of them I FEEL BAD fjkla;ghkfaj#also I'm#uh#really really picky with fic so#this is a HEAVILY curated list#I wanted to include a fic for pentiment but#there are no finished pentiment fics for my ship :')#just the way it goes#tam talks
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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I haven't really done much art for tumblr (at all) lately, cus life, but! Here's a lil something I've been working on (it's a Xmas gift) 💙
(also peep that lil January calendar painting 👀 i did mini squares for each month for myself, because I need to have a physical one always, and they each have their own colour 🥺)
#sometimes i forget i'm a painter lol#this is just the base so i'll still add some cool stuff (colours and some gold leaf details hehe)#usually my thing is more flat/less busy painting (with more mixed media) but i've been digging this vibe lately#my art account is completely wiped cus i private everything earlier this year (same with personal)#but i wanna start posting again. not just old stuff but actually *make* something new everyday#like a little challenge i suppose#since i'm not currently working in my field and have being going through a bit of a rough adjustment period about ✨things✨#(plus the whole depresh spiraling)#i barely have been making any art at all that isn't just sketches/silly stuff#i miss painting. i miss making murals and working on an actual project etc#now that *some * things have been settled AND i finally have my own space i feel a lot more keen on working on it#i know i hardly ever talk about that part of my private life cus i do wanna keep it somewhat separate from here#but i guess i'm in a good mood and kinda ready to admit some stuff#??? that didn't make sense#i'm feeling hopeful for next year and have a semblance of a plan. That's what I meant there you go#i can already feel myself cringe cus everytime i share these type of things something ALWAYS bites my ankles#and that's why i hardly ever share anything at all with anyone ever until it actually is done or underway#which is! not good! i'm aware! but. ya know#ANYWAYS. rant over. look at the pretty colours and ignore my rambles#hmmmm my band crush guy (platonic) (guess who) (🕊️🥁) said my name and loved my super insightful question and i'll probably dream about it#(and the other really liked it too. MY BABE. it was kinda silly so very unexpected)#(okay i think this is buried deep enough to not make myself look like a 12 with a stupid crush) (hehehehehe)#darya does art#<- sure in the art tag it goes#blue#(it was a coincidence! i've never done anything exclusively blue before actually!) (in this capacity i mean)#traditional art#abstract painting
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just hopping in to say real quick but, i love seeing people's selfship/ ocxcharacter ship as hell. even when we share the same bias, even more so, idk why but it's like we're are citizens of a same little planet. i love them. i love us. do know that there's me here for aki x you/ oc ship crumbs and probably others too. i really really like seeing aki from others' povs and how they/ their character interact w him... it's genuinely lovely and 🥹 knowing that there're people who love him this much this way apart from me is so... nice and healing? and aki in love? just fucking give me more. i fucking love aki who's in love. u don't know how glad i was finding my aki people after a loooong long time being unaware of the community (and smh i did not think of searching for it until a friend sent me a tumblr aki x reader fanfic). mags, i thought i was weird and silly and no one was like me, and had been literally aki-ranting into microsoft office words in the past...
...yea there's more but i'll word limit myself just to here but you get my point. pls drop crumbs. also i love LOVE ur mermaid AU it's so so so so so....
your blog is a fucking blessing.
dearest mwo, thank you for saying so... (rhymes) it's silly because I feel the same way, I really love seeing other people's selfship stuff and things for aki. it makes me feel very seen... even if I'm shy to participate myself. and I love seeing other people appreciate aki soooo much, it makes my heart happy. yes... aki deserves so much love, I love when others love him...
I'm eternally greatful for my little akiful community here and I'm appreciative of anyone who has ever supported me... I promise to post more akis to come, and to not hold back from being my topknot self
#you truly always understand me ���#I have gotten so much better in recent times with being comfortable with myself#and this blog is very much the space I have to be comfortable#I was thinking about my prince aki fic and I was like#well I have so much to say#and yet this fic is so niche and will hardly appeal to anyone#but I want to write it because it's what I am passionate about#and if like two other people appreciate it too... that's enough for me...#I've noticed I'm always happiest when I'm writing / posting self indulgently.....#I appreciate you!!!#I love your posts and art so much!!!!!#you are always welcome here and always welcome to talk about whatever you'd like#kiss kiss mwah#ask mags
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Hi! I know that post you made about the Fate dice files is like a year old now but would you be interested in selling a copy of the files? I would love to print my own set, those are the coolest fate dice I've ever seen!
very coincidentally i Finally got around to casting dice from those haha!
i think if i made the files available id want to make updated versions first - for ex. the + and - symbols arent deep enough on the d6s 🤔
that said they were v easy to make in blender3d with the first yt tutorial i saw, by converting image files to .svg files (via online converter) and seating them in the faces!
#cleo talks#inarticulateflailing#my master plan of getting ppl to play fate is by making good dice for it lol#trust me i get it.. rolling 4 regular d6s is BORING#and hardly anyone makes interesting fate dice too
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series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:
#‘why do you gatekeep hw from your irls?’ well. the thing is. i just ✨don’t want to✨#and. like. i’ve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate#so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah.#thank you village vanguard for the unexpected μ’s content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou#i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh#compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol#i had just reached my savings goal last month but now i’ve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldn’t help—#so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but i’ll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig#my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa#i probably should open another savings account instead… maybe that’d keep my spending under control…#b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you#tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao#so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol#but at least her stuff (when resold) isn’t as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato)#so my wallet isn’t crying as hard as it could’ve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though#either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane#i wonder how many bags of chips i could’ve bought with the amount i’ve spent on hw and ll merch to date…#at least a thousand… i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into consideration…#…this is probably why it’s important to have a decent paying job ig.#oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot i’ve had to do this week so far…#i hope i won’t have to work till 5am again over the next 2 days… that had been a horrible experience.#help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m.#anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee
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As a lazy person, nothing make me more frustrated than when I start cleaning to avoid thinking. Like why am I giving myself extra chores
#lindsay speaks#uhhhh bus doesn't run on weekends...... and i have like 5$#I'm gonna ask to be picked up ughhh.... ts is so embarassing#i CAN walk to work but my ankles can hardly hold up just walking to the bus stop ;;; the thing is that they're chronically fucked bcs I'm on#my feet 8-10 hrs a day. so they're strained muscles + left one is straight up sprained 😭#shit hurts if i walk 3 miles on the shoulder of the highway#it's already embarassing because i keep having to ask coworkers for rides home (bus only runs in the morning) or i walk the 3 miles home#meanwhile i can't pay rent until i get paid on the 20th...#i also can't buy groceries rn so I'm just eating food from work 🙃 i gotta stick with it until the 20th. two weeks.#then my next paycheck is the 3rd. that means that paycheck will go towards my next rent too#so on jan 17th I'll finally be able to buy groceries!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳#I'm trying to pick up hours so that i can get them sooner BUT!!! that money will have to go to paying for my commute so that I'm not begging#for rides or walking a strenuous road for eight fucking weeks everyday.#had to get that off my chest because i do be suffering!!!!!!! I'm alone n it's hard as hell as usual.#i mean i have my friends i love very much !! but i don't have anyone to talk to. like if i talk about it i feel gross & pitied. ugh. and#i want to talk to friends and not!!! think about how shitty things are#ughhhhhh anyway
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I have an informative speech and a persuasive speech for my 3rd and 4th assignment in my public speech class. How much you wanna bet I'm gonna talk about Palestine for both??
#if this man tries to make me choose something else I'll peel off his wrinkly old face#As a political science major what else could i do#ive hardly found anyone talking about Palestine#last i heard an irl covo it was 2 kids who were angry at their mom#for only watching the news and supporting i*rael#ive seen stickers on amposts and the like#but ive been too busy to attend any protests recently#its the least i could do#cicitalks#general#free Palestine#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#fuck israel#fuck america
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hey i saw a headcanon on Cho wanting to do scince and ethics experaments on Ben. how would that go?
OH, I do not think that would go over well. I don't think Ben would want that at all. He's been experimented since being alive. His very creation was an experiment.
Even if he was brainwashed into being Hydra's little toy soldier, he undoubtably went through a lot of trauma. He'd gotten his autonomy taken away, he had implanted memories to make him think he was "saved" by Otto (which is a whole other thing I'd love to talk about), and was essentially Otto's personal on-going experiment (including the other Spider Slayers, of course).
I have no doubt Cho wants to figure out how Ben works because that shits fascinating. I also have no doubt that Cho would be eons better than Otto ever was, and he'd treat Ben like an actual human being. He'd never go past Ben's comfort levels, and would stop if asked to stop.
But, I don't think Ben would ever go for it. I think he'd want to leave that part of his past behind him and never go back. And in the case that he did allow it (or it was necessary, like needing to get a better idea of his health, musculature, dietary needs, immune system, etc... because he IS a synthezoid), then I think it would have to be handled very delicately.
#Ah Ben's trauma#lets talk about his trauma#lets get into the meat of it#lets talk about those implanted memories Otto gave him#that's entirely new levels of fucked up#There's so much trauma and PTSD surrounding Bens entire....SELF#Even if Cho had good intentions I think it woud take a LOT of convincing to get Ben to even consider it#And its not even to say he doesnt trust Cho - tho lets be honest Ben hardly trusts anyone - but even if Cho doesnt mean harm I think itd#put Ben back into that mental space#LOL there's so much to consider her#Oh not and this is not to bash on this persons headcanon or anythign!#I like the idea of Cho helping Ben figure himself out#Getting him more aware of his own body and any specific aspects that are necessary to know#like how the Spider Slayers needed to charge#Maybe Ben needs to charge a little too to be at his very best#I just think it would take a LOT of time effort and energy to get him there#USM#Ultimate Spider-Man#Ben Reilly#Scarlet Spider#Asks#anonymous#Iron Spider#Amadeus Cho#Otto Octavius#Doctor Octopus#Spider Slayers
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i have a very peculiar life where i've often, due to chronic illness and the resulting reclusive tendencies from said illness, just plain not associated with people of my own age on a regular basis for months or years at a time. but when i do go out, i'm, like, not an unattractive or socially unsuccessful person. well i'm not necessarily socially successful but i'm not unattractive. and i'll look back on like a certain period sometimes and realize that i had a lot of people trying to pursue me romantically, and i'm like "hey what happened to that? its been such a long while since anybody asked me out........."
"oh yeah i dont leave the house"
#at my work i am the kid between kids#i am DEFINITELY too young to be considered to strike up a workplace tryst with lol. at least relative to my coworkers#most of my coworkers are women anyway#im one of the only 20-somethings who works in the entire district too.#tales from diana#not necessarily to say that i desire to be asked out in fact im very uncomfortable w it naturally. as an aroace person#who only ever has the pleasure of letting people down.#when i was a teenager though (especially before i realized i was aroace) no one ever asked me out#i felt very undesirable/unnoticed bc of it. in retrospect ppl did find me cute they just didnt talk to me.#i was kind of unapproachable. if i want to be really cruel to my teenage self then i could call her a pariah.#whatever ppl thought of me... nobody talked to me. and i never talked. plain and simple#then i entered the young adult world and it felt like everywhere i went there would be some man i hardly knew#asking me out when he had just learned my name. very strange to me!#im like why should you do that? i realize it's bc these men want a girlfriend#& they see me & i seem pretty & nice enough. theyre just like 'she will do'#no i wont! lol#sometimes i think like 'have i changed? that hasnt happened in quite awhile'#yes that kind of thing has ceased to happen since ive ceased to hang out w new ppl.#in the past year especially ive made more deliberate attempts to extricate myself from various social spheres#and i dont see really anyone socially except for some friends ive had for years.#if one of them were to suddenly express romantic interest in me. well. boy would that shake things up! lol#they know me though. they know i dont love.
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as a dr fan we need to acknowledge that some of the danganronpa characters suffer through chronic liners for bad humor by out-of-touch old guy writers syndrome
#glaring at himiko yumeno. kaede akamatsu. sonia nevermind. akane owari....#uhmmm if anyone wants me to explain i can i dont think i can organize my thoughts in tags rn... maybe later ugnnnn#drv3#danganronpa#Okay fine here are my thoughts#“chronic liners for bad humor by out-of-touch old guy writers syndrome” is a simplified term for this phenomenon where writers#give characters lines not to reveal their characters but to please the audience in distasteful ways for the sake of being ''funny''#(uh maybe i should like... do an actual proper text reblog for this because its hard typing this shit in tags but)#i feel like a huge example of this is kaede's comments towards tsumugi to the point shuich says shes an ''old creep''#although these comments *could* be an extension of her trait for pushing people too far (ex: the tunnel shit)#the comments actually dont. instead they are treated very unserious. in a way they feel so... vague and light#to the point that it appears that those comments *arent* trying to reveal anything about her character#especially since that trait is more specific than quite broad#i get people being uncomfortable with those comments (i am too) but they feel like a terrible#''writers talking through their characters for people to be more engaged with the media in a quirky relatable way'' than anything else#like ''writers are trying to appeal to the audience humor/desires and reach the audience's culture to the point of being out of touch"#so THATS the reason that i feel like it will be weird to shit on ''kaede defenders'' for the comments cuz they're just so..#detached from her character that people hardly take that as genuinely being apart of her character#and if it is genuinely apart of her character then its only as a way to keep people engaged with the story and character#it hardly adds anything meaningful to her character#fuck me these tags are long but onto himiko: most things ive said about kaede's comments apply to himiko's weird#fucking racism comments (ex: the afro comment that genuinely made me a little upset)#but to add onto that. himiko plays into a very specific trope that is ''lo1i girl'' and often that trope comes with quirky and “funny” trai#they're supposed to be so palatable and marketable to the audience and apart of the charm is how ''funny'' they are#the racism comment is way more revealing of the writers than himiko's character itself.. so no himiko is not racist; the writers are.#feeling the need to play into a trope by creating “funny” lines that is basically just fucking racism is just soooo danganronpa#*eyeroll*#and yeah i mentioned the other characters. sonia and akane being a victim of this phenomenon#although this moreso reflects the english translators than the writers of the game...#them randomly speaking in aave (which may i add theyd never do this) for the ''lols'' is a choice..
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Yknow for most of my tumblr rants I like to keep stuff vague even when it’s apparent what thing I’m aiming at because I don’t like to trash talk people openly who I don’t know or formally knew especially on the most mundane subjects but there’s one particular thing that has been bothering me about fandom culture that I’ve noticed as of late that I gotta rant about:
And that’s the whole ordeal of “you need to consume this series in a certain way” mindset as apart from leading into general bad traits fandom culture has-toxicity and gatekeeping-I feel this is just another reason why some people get easily scared off by getting into certain things.
To further elaborate I wanna first say there’s nothing particularly wrong with advising a set order of things to consume in a series under the context of either:
<someone asked to begin with what order to watch/read/play something <a series has multiple sequels that are connected in some capacity so advising the correct order because sometimes it’s not the “chronological” that’s the correct way
Those cases you are making sure the person gets into a series by following the story the way it’s intended, that’s fine, I’m more so talking about how a handful of certain fandoms are centered a series with multiple canons and they don’t really overlap yet fans try to act authority over how you should consume the media when at that point it’s just a matter of “which series looks the most interesting too you”.
I’ve seen this behavior pop up a bit in getter fandom and while it’s not anything toxic-thankfully-I really don’t agree to the notion of you need to read all of the mangas JUST to understand the Animes when they’re ALL in their own canon. But this post isn’t actually about Getter because the general atmosphere I’ve seen in my own circle is “we really don’t care where you start as long as you’ve seen Getter” which I appreciate and can’t really get too upset over the series discourse, I’m more so noticing this happening in a different older anime fandom I was kinda apart of being Soul Eater.
Now I’ve only seen this said by two people so I’m not gonna claim this is a general thing by the fandom-fuck knows how many soul eater fans there are anymore even if it’s more recognizable than getter-however I get the vibe this is something fans when newbies get into the series advise: To not get super into SE as it be unnecessary, for those who don’t know it’s one of those animes that was unfortunately cursed with “starting off a solid adaption for the first half but by the second half it completely diverted from the manga and the anime content is not only different but inferior from its source” which from what I seen, had a lot of old SE fans advise newer fans to watch the anime up to a certain point aka right where it changes from the manga and than going to read the manga with the stuff the anime didn’t adapt, and than after you finish the manga you can go back to watch the anime if you so choose.
I really, really, REALLY do not like this approach and despite what I said early about “different iterations” this one even worse given the context SE doesn’t have that many canons outside of these and a spin off series.
Literally this entire process could be avoided if someone just said “don’t watch the anime because it’s not a good adaption, read the manga” because even if that sounds gatekeepy it’s at least not a unnecessary back and forth process with the anime being CLEARLY redundant. Sure, SE like 100+ or so chapters but even if watching the anime adapt the first half is faster than reading it, it just makes things needlessly complicated to newer fans.
It’s also not the end of the world if someone watches the show and never reads the manga because guess what? We all like stuff that is FUNDAMENTALLY flawed. People are too worried about their media being perfect when no series is and there’s nothing wrong with liking something that’s a bit messy because people still keep up with series that are hella fucking messy. If they complain about the anime sucking but refuse to read the manga that’s on them, not your issue because they knew what they were getting themselves into if someone was warning them. We also just gotta deal with people not giving stuff we like a second chance after the first time because needlessly shoving a “order” in their face isn’t gonna make them feel inclined to check it out again.
My only advice I can give from this long messy rant of a post that went too far on tangent about something I don’t even know is said by many fans-and if anyone finds this and is active in the SE circles please feel free to correct me-is NEVER advise someone a order of getting into a thing unless there IS canons that do connect with each other by being direct follow ups. Don't get mad at someone for getting into a series from the most confusing or hated iteration, because if they are actually interested they'll want to consume more of it even if they have a weak first impression.
Never force anything onto ANYONE and just welcome new fans with open arms, thats a way to make a safe space even in some of the worst fandoms.
#meg text#im not tagging the two series I mentioned here lol#I would’ve mentioned more like TF or Gundam but I haven’t experienced enough of them only been more of a outsider#I would’ve mentioned mega man but I try to distance myself from fandom talk (also that be more bias then me slightly mentioning getter lol)#I do stand by tho you don’t need to play every classic or x game to get zero/zx/legends though#or that you need to play all of battle network to get starforce bc the latter hardly references the former#but if anyone has any other fandom shit like this they can relate too feel free to share because I’m worried if I was too mean 💀#(if my assumption about soul eater was hella off I’m sorry but I got the vibes hard)
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'to thine own self be true (and thou canst not then be false to any man)' Polonius tells his son Laertes in Act 1 - and it's so trite a saying that we quote it on everything from greeting cards to jewelry and almost laugh to stumble upon it in its original context
and then Laertes goes and spends the rest of the play - and let's face it, what little of it came before that as well - playing the foil to its tragic hero until it kills them both in Act 5 (and through the means of his own deception too)
#i am soooo normal about laertes (i'm lying)#one day i'll write a book about how normal i am about him but for now have this textpost#anyways nobody asked but i think that's probably the shakespeare quote i have the biggest love/hate relationship with#because we talk about it so much but hardly ever actually talk about IT#and even when we do it's mainly to be like 'oh polonius you with your empty maxims you!' (& we do need to remember that part too)#but it's also:#'oh polonius you are in conjunction with that & in more ways than one the very thing that dooms your son and therefore all of them'#it's the quintessential hashtag-its-not-that-deep quote#while at the same time being bitterly ironic and rarely do you get to discuss how both of those things can be true at once#so i Love it but i also Hate that i could undoubtedly find it on a t-shirt without much effort yk?#(and before anyone points out that there are multiple shakespeare quotes for which the same can be said re: the whole#itssodeep-noitsnot-actuallymaybeitisforadifferentreasontho dance#trust me i know but i refer you back to the first tag & how extremely normal i am about the character of laertes in general)
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