#AND THEN SHE DIDN'T ?

[chirpovs]

it's feeling like 2016 in this chilli's tonight

[bird-bureau]

Get truth potioned, idiot! Morgaine: what's the most embarassing thing you've ever done?

"Oh. That. Classic wardrobe malfunction, bikini top meant for fashion meets ocean demanding function. A tabloid got a photo of me that they claimed proved I had been stuffing. 'Delmare Heiress Bares All,' subhead, 'but she has barely anything there!' Horrible. None of it untrue, but horrible."

[daclium]

Researcher

[beif0ngs]

I had a different name back then, you know. Powder. You kind of remind me of her.

[sherdnerd]

Listening to the Fallout 4 soundtrack and.... LYNDA FUCKING CARTER?!?!?

[aintmyjewelry]

we need to bring back inviting people over for cake and coffee. my grandma used to do that all the time and I think it's a lost art

[inkskinned]

i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

[redactedrem]

Headcanon where after so many arguments between the batkids and Bruce over his paranoia and complete disregard for his kids privacy, the entire family had compromised with (in the healthiest way possible) downloading life360 on their phones and that's how they all keep track of each other.

Now Bruce knew that this is mostly for his benefit and is supposed to be a healthy alternative for his unhealthy paranoia and helicopter parenting, but what he wasn't expecting was for his kids to start keeping track of him.

He's putting gas in his car and Dick calls him because apparently Dick has been watching him drive around on the app? And Bruce is currently at a gas station thats right around the corner from a Taco Bell and now Dick wants him to get food for everyone since he's already there.

He's driving home from a meeting and Steph calls him because her and Duke were shopping in the area and wants to know if he can pick them up, when he asks how she knew he was on the same street, he gets a "Oh I just like to stalk everyone on the app for funsies." as an answer.

Jason calls him and he can barely get out a hello before Jason cuts him off, "Bruce why the fuck is your phone battery on 5%, charge your damn phone" which completely stuns him because why does he know that. He clears his throat before answering. "Jason, what?"

"Everyone can see each others phone batteries on '360, now charge your phone." Is all he gets before Jason hangs up on him.

[followthebluebell]

every year, my boss buys a few cat calendars for our workplace. Due to some sort of mix-up, we accidentally got a few naked women calendars this year.

Normally, that's where the story would end. It would just be a mildly amusing mistake.

But it becomes absolutely fucking hilarious because I opened up the calendar package in front of clients today. One moment, we're just discussing the cats up for adoption and if their current cat might be willing to accept a new baby brother/sister and bam. Suddenly it went all tits up the second I picked up one of the calendars and actually looked at the damn thing.

Unfortunately, the clients ALSO looked at it.

None of us wanted this to happen. None of us knew how to respond to it. There's nothing in any social protocol that could have prepared us for this.

There was just like thirty solid seconds of absolutely dead silence as we all tried to think of the most polite thing to say.

"Wow," i said, because I'm entirely braindead at this point. "Not the kind of pussy I expected to encounter today."

Thankfully, they thought it was hilarious. It probably wasn't the most politic thing to say, but it was very funny to at least three people.

[chaotic-neutral-knitter]

Harrow: my deepest darkest trauma is that my parents killed a bunch of children in order to make me into a powerful necromancer. they died for me. their blood is on my hands.

Gideon: that sucks dude. anyways I'm going to sacrifice myself to save your life. you'll be an even more powerful necromancer. pretty sick, huh?

Gideon: why are you so upset about this

Gideon: is it because you don't like me

[humming-fly]

was anyone gonna tell me shadow saved rouge's life in sa2 or was I just supposed to find that out playing the game myself

(this worked out as a rather fitting closer for the Final Day in Year of Shadow haha, hope ya'll have a fun new year! 🎉🎉🎉)

[i-miss-music-247]

If you're wondering how I'm doing with Ōkami, my heart hurts. 🔮

[vraska-theunseen]

DID YOU ALL KNOW THAT YOU CAN DO WHATEVER UOU WANT WHEN YOURW MAKING ART ISNT THAT WILD

[pangur-and-grim]

I was worried last weekend, because I thought the dog might stress Belphie out. turns out.......I had it the wrong way around.

[jq37]

I still find it funny that one of the questions of The Last Stand exam was translating "Pedo Mellon a Minno" to "Speak friend and enter", something virtually impossible to do without outside knowledge of Lord of the Rings. Brennan was like, "I am entirely confident one of my nerd ass friends (Siobhan) will have this locked and loaded." And he was right.

[acidicwerewolf]

I need them to do a reboot of House but I want them to just go fucking wild with it. Everyone's gay, everyone's fucking. House, Wilson, and Cuddy are in a toxic polycule, one that definitely violates work ethics, that ends when Cuddy cheats on them with Cameron. I want it to be just as homophobic, just as ableist, just as fucked up, as the original and yet have the characters all be so fucking woke. Same episodes with the same plots but modern. I want Chase to have an onlyfans.