#AND THE HARDEST PART IS KNOWING I'LL SURVIVE!!
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i would rock my soul in the bosom of abraham i would hold my life in his saving grace i would walk all the way from boulder to birmingham if i thought i could see i could see your face..............
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“I first started noticing the journalists dying on Instagram. I'm a journalist, I'm Arab, and I've reported on war. A big part of my community is other Arab journalists who do the same thing.
And when someone dies, news travels fast. Recently, I pulled up the list that the Committee to Protect Journalists has been keeping and looked at it for the first time. There are 95 journalists and media workers on it as of today.
Almost everyone on it is Palestinian. Scrolling through, I started to get angry. These were the people carrying the burden of documenting this whole war.
Israel is not allowing foreign journalists into Gaza, except on rare occasions with military escorts. These people's names are being buried in a giant list that keeps growing. What I want to do is lift some of them off the list for a moment and give you a glimpse of who they were and the work they made.
I'll start with Sadi Mansour. Sadi was the director of Al-Quds News Network, and he posted a 22-second video on November 18. That was a report from the war, but it also gave me a picture into his marriage.
Sadi's wearing his press vest and looks exhausted. He's explaining that cell service and the Internet keep getting cut off, and it's often impossible to text or call anyone, including his wife. So they've resorted to using handwritten letters to communicate while he's out reporting, sending them back and forth with neighbors or colleagues.
He ends the video with a picture of one of these letters from his wife. In it, she writes,
‘Me and the kids stayed up waiting for you until the morning, and you didn't come home. We were really sad.
I kept telling the kids, Look, he's coming. But you didn't show up. May God forgive you.
Come home tomorrow and eat with us. Do you want me to make you kebab or maybe kapse? Bring your friends with you, it's okay.
And give Azeez the battery to charge. What do you think about me sending you handwritten letters with messenger pigeons from now on? Ha ha ha.
I'm just kidding. I want to curse at you, but we're living in a war. Too bad.
Okay, I love you. Bye.’
A few hours after he shared that letter, Sadie and his co-worker Hassouna Saleem were at Sadie's home, when they were killed by an Israeli air strike that hit his house.
His wife and kids, who weren't there, survived.
Gaza is tiny, and the journalist community is really close. Reading the list, you can see all the connections between people. Like with Brahim Lafi.
Brahim was a photojournalist, one of the first journalists to die. He was killed while reporting on October 7. He was just 21, still new to journalism.
On his Instagram, you can see that in his posts just a few years ago, he was still practicing his photography, taking pictures of coffee cups and flowers. Then he started doing beautiful portraits and action shots. You can really feel him starting to become a journalist.
Clicking around on Instagram, I found a tribute post about Brahim from his co-worker Rushdie Sarraj. In this photo, Brahim staring intently at the back of a camera, his face lit up by the light from the viewfinder. He looks so young.
The caption reads, My assistant is gone. Brahim is gone. Rushdie himself was a beloved journalist and filmmaker.
And I know that because he's also on the list. He was killed just two weeks after Brahim. I read the tribute post to him too.
I saw this over and over again. Journalists posting tributes, who were then killed themselves soon after. And a tribute goes up for them.
And then the pattern continues.
Thank you.
Something else I saw over and over on the list, journalists later in the war who had become aware that they could be making their last reports. They'd say it at the beginning of their videos. And those were the hardest to watch, especially when it was true.
One video like that was posted by Ayat Hadduro. Ayat was a freelance journalist and video blogger. Her videos before the war covered a wide range from what I can tell, interviews about women in politics.
She even appeared in a commercial for ketchup-flavored chips. She clearly liked being in front of the camera. Once the war started, Ayat's pivoted to covering bombings and food shortages.
On November 20, she posted a video report from her home. You can hear the airstrikes hitting very close to where she is. It's scary.
‘This is likely my last video. Today, the occupation forces dropped phosphorus bombs on Beit Lahya area and frightening sound bombs. They dropped letters from the sky, ordering everyone to evacuate.
Everyone ran into the streets in the craziest way. No one knows where to go.
But everyone else has evacuated. They don't know where they're going. The situation is so scary.
What's happening is so tough, and may God have mercy on us.’
She was killed later that day.
Targeting journalists, in case you didn't know, is a war crime. So far, the Committee to Protect Journalists has found that three of the journalists on the list were explicitly targeted by the IDF, the Israeli military. Investigations by the Washington Post and Reuters, Human Rights Watch and the United Nations have also raised serious questions in these three cases.
And the Committee to Protect Journalists is investigating 10 other killings. When we reached out to the IDF for comments, they said, quote, the IDF has never, and will never, deliberately target journalists. That's the answer they always give in these situations.
Meanwhile, dozens of seasoned reporters have fled Gaza. Journalists who worked for Al Jazeera, the BBC, the New York Times, the Washington Post, Reuters, Agence France-Presse. So many media offices were demolished in Israeli airstrikes that the Committee to Protect Journalists stopped counting.
It's not just individual lives that have been destroyed. It's an entire infrastructure.
Thank you.
The name on the list that was hardest for me to look at was Issam Abdullah, because I'd crossed paths with him once. Issam was a Lebanese journalist, a video journalist for Reuters for many, many years. He had just won an award for coverage of Ukraine.
I'm Lebanese and still report there sometimes, and I'd worked with Issam a couple of summers ago. He helped me film a sort of random story in Beirut. I was interviewing this entrepreneur who had started a sperm freezing company after an accident where he spilled a tray of hot coffee on his private area, burning himself.
I know, ridiculous. It was a really silly shoot. Right after we said cut and started to rap, Issam started this whole bit about being in his late 30s, reconsidering his own sperm quality and everything he now realized he was doing to hurt it, and no one could stop laughing.
It was a really good day that felt good to remember and to remember him that way. Issam was killed by the IDF on October 13. His death was one of the three that the Committee to Protect Journalists has identified as a targeted killing.
He was fired upon by an Israeli tank while standing in an empty field on the Lebanon-Israel border with a small group of other journalists. Everyone was wearing press vests with cameras out. They were covering the Hezbollah part of this war.
A few other journalists were injured in the attack, which was captured on video. The IDF says they were responding to firing from Hezbollah, not targeting the journalists. But multiple investigations, including by Reuters, the United Nations, Amnesty International and the AFP, found no evidence of any firing from the location of the journalists before the IDF shot at them.
The journalists in the group and video footage confirmed that there was no military activity near them. I had only met Issam once, barely knew him, but it affected me so much when he died. I know that he understood the risks of his job, but somehow it still felt so random and unfair that he would be struck down like that, following the rules, wearing his press vest and helmet, and a pack of reporters on a sunny day in an open field.
I find myself thinking about him all the time. His last Instagram post was commemorating another journalist, this iconic reporter Shereen Abou Aql who had been killed by the IDF. When I first saw that post in October, I thought how ironic because a week later, Isam also was killed by the IDF.
But then, after spending time reading the list, I realized how common this had become. I still haven't finished going through the list and looking up the people on it. I keep finding things that stick with me, like the funny way this one radio host would cut off a caller who was rambling on for too long.
A tweet from reporter Al-Abdallah that quoted Sylvia Plath. It read, What ceremony of wars can patch the havoc? I'm going to keep going down the list, even though this story is over now.
Just for myself. My own way of bearing witness. Which is, in the end, all that these journalists were trying to do.”
—DANA BALLOUT, The 95. Dana sifts through a very long list—the list of journalists killed in the Israel-Hamas war, and comes back with five small fragments of the lives of the people on it. Dana is a Lebanese-American, Emmy-nominated documentary producer.
#politics#dana ballout#the 95#palestine#israel#war crimes#gaza#committee to protect journalists#🇵🇸#brahim lafi#shereen abou aql#issam abdullah#ayat hadduro#rushdie sarraj#hassouna saleem#sadi mansour
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First Years Finding Out Your A Girl?!?! (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!)
TW: Mild swearing, STRICTLY Female Reader, Discussion of Jack having a good sniffer (lol)
Info: Headcannons; Ace, Deuce, Jack, and Epel x Reader (platonic); Mostly for fun
🍓Hi. I'm back... sorta. I didn't have much time to write over the summer, and I honestly don't know how much I can write during school cause my schedule is... yikes. But I picked up something I wrote a while ago, edited it, and decided to post it. I'll be answering whatever's in my ask box right now, and then maybe work on some other stuff.
Ortho & Sebek
Second Years
Third Years
Dorm Leaders
-Okay so, I know we’re all wondering, how the hell do you get away with hiding your gender for so damn long?
-Firstly, those ceremonial robes do great at hiding the figure. The only tell would maybe be your hair, but feminine men aren’t unwelcome at Nightraven College, so you mostly get a few questioning stares and that’s it.
-Secondly, Crowley wants to save his own fucking ass. He already has to hide from the press that he has a MAGICLESS student from ANOTHER DIMENSION here, he doesn’t need the fact that you are a woman ALSO on his plate. So, obviously, he helps you hide your gender from others.
-Grim knows, of course, and he keeps his mouth shut for a few yummy cans of tuna (and threats of being expelled from Crowley <3)
-Even when you were just a janitor, he couldn’t have the rumor that he put a “helpless” young woman to work. (Like it wouldn’t be expected.)
-So how do you two do it?
-Baggy ass uniform. Crowley gave you at least three sizes too big.
-Your figure is completely hidden. Sure, you look completely homeless, but at least you’re hidden.
-For your voice, you simply deepen it. After some point, you blackmail Crowley into giving you a potion to help with it, since it's so taxing on your voice. (Or maybe your voice is naturally deep!)
-Sam provides you (for an unfairly pretty penny (not too different from your original world…)) any feminine hygiene products you might need.
-Honestly, you’re set for being cared for, but it’s the adjustment period that’s the hardest part.
-Truly, it’s very jarring to suddenly be thrown into both a magical world and be isolated in a man's world with nowhere to hide.
-At least in your world you had other women who could understand your struggles. Here though? You’re completely alone.
-You notice how… messy some of these guys could be. How some of them smell… really rancid. -How rough they were with you and each other.
-Honestly, it’s kinda eye-opening. The way men show affection to each other is oddly refreshing to watch and experience!
-Ace and Deuce specifically are a good… trial run.
-That’s not what we’re here to talk about though…
-For the most part, it's incredibly easy to hide yourself for the first while on campus. Everyone on campus is so self-absorbed that they don’t bother questioning you.
-Your only real risk factor is Savannaclaw, but it's easy to avoid those guys (minus Jack, of course, but we’ll get to him).
-However, you can only hide your gender for so long… It’s mentally draining to keep up this facade all the time around people you care about.
-So… how do they find out?
FIRST-YEAR SQUAD
Ace
-He’s one of the first ones who find it out, and it’s in the very cliche anime way.
-After some point of knowing you, Ace is so comfortable that he just invites himself into ramshackle.
-It’s never been an issue or anything. You’re thick as thieves now, you’ve survived death together a handful of times. If you ask Ace, that’s about as close as you can get with someone.
-Normally, you and Grim are just sitting around in the living area, but this time you aren’t. However, he does hear voices coming from your room. His curiosity is peaked.
-So, slippery guy that he is, he sneaks up to your room and his curiosity only grows when he hears a woman’s voice. Prefect getting lucky? And he didn’t tell him? Ace thought you guys were friends.
-He creeps up to your room, slides open your door, and!!! Holy shit it’s you. It’s you in a towel. It’s you and you’ve got tits?!?!
-His first reaction is to… well… scream.
-“You’re a girl?!?”
“Why are you in my room???”
“You’ve got- boobs!”
“Get out Ace!”
-Bro sits very politely and very quietly on your couch after that. Deep behind his blank stare, he is seething. You were a girl this whole time, and you didn’t tell him! He thought you guys were friends!
-He definitely fights you about it once you’re down and dressed. He’s just salty, he’ll get over it.
-Swears up and down he won’t tell anyone.
-Immediately tells Deuce.
-That's it though! Deuce is part of the main quartet, he deserves to know! (You scold him for this too, but you figured it would happen one way or another).
-From him finding out, he doesn’t really treat you differently. You’re still a person, why should he act differently cause you’ve got different body parts than him.
-Though, and he won’t admit this, he’s a bit more… watchful of the others around you. Yeah, you can hold your own and he respects you… but guys like Azul exist, and he’s seen firsthand the torture Azul is capable of.
Deuce
-As stated before, Ace outs you to Deuce almost immediately after finding out.
-Deuce, in all his awkward glory, completely shuts down. Disconnects from this plane of existence. He cannot believe the news he was just told.
-You, one of his best friends in all of twisted wonderland. You, the person who survived multiple overblots alongside him. You, who have seen him at his most vulnerable… are a girl.
-It isn’t even the fact that you’re a girl, it’s the fact that you kept this a secret from him for so long. You guys are… bros… how could you possibly hide something so important from him. Did you not trust him?
-Yeah… he overthinks things quite a bit.
-He also ambushes you the very next day with a million questions (very loudly (very in public)), to which you calm him down and reassure him that “No, Deuce, I don’t suddenly hate you. I wasn’t hiding it from you maliciously. I was going to tell you at some point, I just hadn’t had a good time to.”
-Deuce’s behavior definitely… changes… in some ways.
-Deep down he knows you’re a kick-ass bitch and you don’t need to be cared for, but he can’t help but want to.
-It’s definitely his mommy issues in play here.
-He just becomes more… protective and aware around you. Not in a creepy obsessive way, just in the same way a guard dog would.
-Like Ace, he’s more than aware of what the people on this campus are capable of, and you’re completely magicless on top of being more feminine. Some guys at NRC would hop on an opportunity like that like nothing.
-He just doesn’t want to see his friends getting hurt okay :(
-It’s like you gained an overprotective older brother who also sometimes barks!
Jack
-Out of everyone, Jack was the first to find out.
-I don’t wanna be the cliche writer but… he’s got a sniffer on him.
-He definitely could smell that something was up, but he didn’t want to assume!
-You could be trans, you could be genderfluid, you could be anything other than a woman! It’s not his place to judge, and smell isn’t always the end all be all. You could just really smell feminine and that's how guys come in your world.
-Mr. Respectful would never want to assume anything… but he’s a little curious he won’t lie.
-Jack REALLY found out shortly after Ace, Deuce and Grim got their asses in trouble with Azul.
-He’d never been given a reason to spend any more than a few minutes around you at a time. However, since he got pulled into this mess, he’s spent a lot more time with you.
-It happened when he was forced to hide under the desk in his office.
-You were so close and you just… smelled like a girl.
-He is so polite and so upstanding, he would NEVER ask you directly. But the suspense of not knowing really does take a number on him.
-By the end of Azul’s overblotting he is so awkward and nervous around you, that you absolutely have to say something.
-At this point, you figured most of the beastmen had an idea of you being feminine, however, you had no real confirmation of that.
-Jack is such a “let's not bother other people” kind of guy, that you knew he wouldn’t want to say anything to you if you knew… so you decided to take the plunge.
-At the museum, you pull him aside and you have to ask.
_”Jack?”
“Hm?”
“You know, don’t you?”
“…”
“I figured as much. Don’t tell anyone, m’kay? I want to tell my friends on my terms.”
-It makes Jack respect you more than he already did. Not only did you have the confidence to confront him, but you did it calmly and you were understanding of his position.
-And honestly? Not much changes between the two of you.
-He just respects you a little more. He’s not particularly protective around most other students, he talks to you the same, and he doesn’t act like you’re special. You’re just… a friend.
-The only thing that he may be different about is other beastmen. He does his best to shield you from them if he feels they might be a threat to your well-being.
Epel
-Epel, being a more feminine-looking man himself… doesn’t think much of you.
-At this point, you’re well acclimated to things at nightraven college, and are very good at being “one of the boys.”
-His ONLY implication is how… differently Rook and Kalim treat you.
-At this point, Kalim has found out via the previous chapter, and Rook knows because of course he does. (We won’t be getting into that today though)
-They both are more… delicate with you? Rook whips out the charm times ten when you’re around. Kalim, although friendly with everyone, seems to be even MORE friendly when you’re around. Like he wants you to like him.
-Even Deuce and Ace have a few… odd tells.
-They both pointedly ensure Jamil is at least five feet away from you at all times. Glare at Rook when he’s a little too charming.
-Other than that, nothing really gives it away.
-Epel is completely and totally in the dark because you’re really good at hiding that you’re a woman.
-He does, however, eventually find out because… Deuce slips up. He’s there giving his big speech on the beach, hyping Epel up, and somehow he manages, “And the prefect is a woman, but she never lets that get in her way!”
-Epel: Shocked, confused, in awe… says nothing. He lets the information ruminate.
-He lets it ruminate for a very long time.
-So long, in fact, that he doesn’t raise his suspicions until the two of you are on a broom heading off to save Vil’s life.
-The silence was killing him, so he had to ask.
-“Prefect, are you a girl?”
“You didn’t know?”
“I couldn’t be sure, I look like a girl too, so you never know.”
“Yes, Epel, I’m a girl.”
“…Cool.”
-Honestly, he’s kind of jealous of you. You passed better than him, and you had to try harder.
-It doesn’t change how he treats you, honestly. He’s not that kind of country bumpkin, but he won’t lie and say he doesn’t have a little resentment held against you.
-He thinks you’re cool as hell, and you help redefine what femininity can look like to him much better than what Vil does.
-He, however, does actively become more protective of you.
-Not because he thinks you can’t fend for yourself, but because he kinda wants to show off a little.
#twst x reader#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#ace trappola#ace tr#deuce spade#deuce spade x reader#jack howl#jack howl x reader#epel felmier#epel felmier x reader#x reader#bunni's treats 🧁
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S/O with PTSD After Their Students Pass
Characters: Gyomei Himejima, Kyojuro Rengoku, Mitsuri Kanroji, and Obanai Iguro Inspired By: Random idea that came to mind A/N: You can tell I had the most fun writing Iguro's part. I'm kinda having a hard time writing for Gyomei, but I'm sure I'll get used to his character here soon! Anyways, enjoy! ⚠️ Spoilers/Trigger Warnings for: Spoilers for the MANGA, mentions of mutilation, blindness, war, blood, death, PTSD, and near-death experiences ⚠️
Disclaimer: Imagine they all survive the final battle (by character)
╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗
╚═════ Gyomei Himejima ════════════════════════╝
🪨 Gyomei knew how much you adored teaching your tsugukos, especially your deceased-friend's son, Hoshi. And he knew just how strong these young slayers were from you
🪨 You were always happy, praising your students. But, when the battle against the demons ended with the loss of multiple fellow Hashira and other slayers, the trauma of seeing your own student die in your arms, saying how much he loved you, just haunted you
🪨 Your husband had gone through similar pain, as he lost many children back at the orphanage he worked at when he was younger. So, he was an expert at handling this kind of pain
🪨 He would avoid certain topics when you were obviously more sensitive, but he would involve the story of your student time to time. He knew that you couldn't just run from the past, you helped him confront his past, and he knew he had to help you confront it
╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗
╚═════ Kyojuro Rengoku ═════════════════════════╝
❤️🔥 When Rengoku began healing up from his scrape-with-death during his mission on the Mugen Train, he was shocked to see you coming in soon with major injuries on you
❤️🔥 He sat up in surprise as Shinobu, Kanao, and Aoi began to wrap up your injuries rapidly, your breathing shallow as the three butterfly women carefully-yet-quickly fixed you up. Your husband was being held down by the triplets while you were healed
❤️🔥 It was only when you were stabilized that Shinobu told him what was going on. He was shocked to hear that you had lost your three students to an uppermoon, one of them being your adoptive brother, whom you raised since he was around 8 and you were merely 14
❤️🔥 Rengoku was saddened to hear that the barely 15-year-old passed, but he was even sadder for you. When you awoke, you asked him where the young boy was, and it broke his heart to see your face go from confused and innocent to pained and borderline-traumatized
❤️🔥 He understands the pain of losing someone close to you, he did lose his mother when he was young. But, due to his tiny-amount of obliviousness, he was rough at helping you with your PTSD at first
❤️🔥 Rengoku does get the hand of it in the end, as your pain seemingly lifted a bit after the final battle and the young Kamaboko squad, especially Nezuko and Tanjiro, survived and lived to see more days as humans and not the demons they were stuck as for a period of time
╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗
╚═════ Mitsuri Kanroji ══════════════════════════╝
💗 Mitsuri was very scared when she saw you get hit by Muzan, and she screamed your name as she got hit as well. It was only a few hours after nearly passing away in each-other's arms that you awoke to her hugging you closely with her one-remaining arm
💗 You leaned into her touch as you remembered seeing your precious student, the only one who survived the Final Selection in years, die at the hands of the now-deceased Demon King
💗 She was beyond sad to attend the funeral for your fallen friends. Mitsuri sobbed the hardest at the Hashiras, the Ubuyashikis, and your student's, she was so close to them all that it pained her to know that they were gone and you both were destined for death in a mere few years
💗 While yes, she was happy you wouldn't go through the mental pain of dealing with grief over your student, your wife hated just thinking of you leaving her earlier than planned
💗 She also is decent with handling your trauma, as she knows how to comfort someone excellently. Mitsuri would find you sitting awake at night, your head laying in your hands as you cried with a blank-face, and she would just hug you, allowing you to cry into her chest
╔══════════════════════════════════════════╗
╚═════ Obanai Iguro ════════════════════════════╝
🐍 Iguro was surprised to awaken without the ability to see, he could only hear you humming lowly while you ran your hands up and down his arm slowly
🐍 He wanted to know what happened right when he woke up, to which you just sighed and said you would tell him when he was more awake and aware of his surroundings, much to his annoyance. He couldn't see now, what was the point?
🐍 You finally told him everything, from the deaths of Shinobu, Gyomei, Mitsuri, etc. to the way you were injuried. But the thing that shook him up the most was how Mitsuri and your student passed away, dying while holding one another
🐍 Mitsuri always spoke to your student, viewing him as a younger brother, so hearing that the two died next to one another was shocking. And, since his hearing was a but more advanced, he knew almost everything that you would mumble under your breath, leading you to saying 'fuck it' to even trying to hide things from your husband
🐍 Iguro has his own trauma that he still struggles with, and with your own being layered on, it made him give in and ask to speak with the other remaining Hashira, that being Giyuu and Sanemi, and bring them with to talk to the Butterfly Mansion's girls to help deal with each of your struggles
🐍 It brought you all closer, and you all spent your final years being close, bonding over your survival and control you all worked hard to regain over your lives after the hard-earned battle. And while you all wouldn't tell anyone, you would all visit the graves of your fallen comrades to honor their memories, with you and your husband visiting the Love Hashira, your students, and fallen Master
🐍 He also wouldn't tell you outwardly, but he cries almost every time he lays his hand on the graves of his past friends, and those he considered family. Even with his past of abuse, which normally led others to not show emotion in fear of being hurt again, he just couldn't help letting his out while you hugged him and helped him around
🐍 Overall, since he has his own struggles and deals with both of your guys' pretty well, I'd say he would get a 8.5/10 with this
#Demon Slayer#Kimetsu no Yaiba#KnY#The Demon Slayer Corps#Hashira#Demon Slayer x Reader#Kimetsu no Yaiba x Reader#KnY x Reader#The Demon Slayer Corps x Reader#Hashira x Reader#S/O! Reader#GN! Reader#Hashira! Reader#Gyomei Himejima#Gyomei Himejima x Reader#Kyojuro Rengoku#Kyojuro Rengoku x Reader#Mitsuri Kanroji#Mitsuri Kanroji x Reader#Iguro Obanai#Iguro Obanai x Reader
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Hannibal/Will!Platonic Reader
(The first kill is always the hardest)
Will and Hannibal had expected something like this to happen, after all you'd been raised by a serial killer.
You stood in the front door of your house as Will stared at you in shock, seeing you covered in blood.
"Y/N... Are you hurt?" He asked, taking your hand and gently leading you inside.
"No..." You whispered as he nodded.
"Hannibal!" He called out as Will looked over you, making sure you were injured.
"I killed someone." You whispered with tears in your eyes.
Hannibal rushed downstairs to see you covered in blood.
"Where is the body?" He asked, barely even acknowledging your crying.
"In the woods." You muttered as you began to cry.
"How could you be so foolish!" He shouted as you flinched and cried even more.
"Hannibal, go deal with the body I'll deal with Y/N." Will demanded.
You told your father where to find the body before Will led you upstairs to the bathroom and began to fill up the tub.
He helped you out of your clothes and threw them on the floor, knowing he would have to burn them.
He helped you step into the tub and you just stared forward.
He began to scrub the blood off your skin.
"Was there a reason, sweetheart?" He asked as you watched his hands clean your skin.
"He kept trying to touch me... Even though I said no." You whispered as he nodded.
"It was self defence." He replied, you looked at him as he reached up and gently cleaned your face.
"I'm him...aren't I?" You whispered making Will sigh.
"No... Hannibal kills for the art, you killed to survive. There's a difference." He said as you nodded.
You loved both your fathers, but you never wanted to end up like either of them at the end of the day.
“Dad…” You muttered as Will finished cleaning off your skin and look at you.
“Yes, love?” He asked, he could see tears willing in your eyes again.
“I don’t feel bad… Shouldn’t I feel bad?” You muttered as you began to cry.
“Come on, darling. Let’s get you out of the tub and dried off and we’ll talk.”
—
After drying off and getting changed you sat on the couch wrapped up in a blanket as Will handed you a cup of hot chocolate.
He sat beside you as you stared down at the beverage.
“Death and killing has been a part of your life since you can remember. You were raised by Hannibal and I after all. This boy tried to hurt you and you protected yourself, you don’t feel bad for it because deep down you know it’s better for him to be gone.” He explained as you nodded a little.
“Dad will be angry, won’t he?” You asked in fear as Will wrapped him arm around you and let you cuddle into him.
"It's hard to tell with your father."
--
You had fallen asleep on the couch when Hannibal came back.
Will walked over to him and stared at him.
"It's dealt with." He grumbled as Will sighed.
"It was violent and messy... After all I've taught her." Hannibal continued, he looked angry and Will didn't need him taking it out on you.
"That boy was trying to touch her and she protected herself. She wasn't thinking and did anything she could to make him stop. She is traumatised from this, do not be angry at her because she didn't make the kill to your liking." Will demanded, scolding his partner.
"I suppose you're right. She is my daughter that went through something scary..." He muttered, looking down in shame.
"I don't want her to be like me." Hannibal whispered as Will slowly leant in and hugged him.
It wasn't often they showed each other physical affection, but it felt needed.
"Dad?" They heard a voice say, turning to see you looking at them.
"I'm not angry with you, Y/N." Hannibal said as you let go of a breath you didn't realise you were holding.
He stepped forward and gently wrapped his arms around you, you smiled and hugged him in return.
"Let us forget about this day, shall we? Why don't I make your favourite?" He asked as you both leant away and he held your face in his hand.
"I'd really like that."
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Jedi Survivor impressed me so, so much. I loved Fallen Order, but I genuinely feel like Survivor was on another level. A few things I loved, full game spoilers ahead...
Cal genuinely feels so much older and more mature. It's incredible how much his interactions with the Mantis crew feel like a wayward adult son coming home again after a long time away.
Cal and Merrin's romance was beautifully built up and paid off, felt totally natural. Importantly for me, it required both of them to move the needle; Merrin to definitively make the first move and let Cal know she wants him, and Cal to finally acknowledge that he wants her too, that he isn't really a Jedi and that they weren't right about everything.
Cal using the Dark Side is portrayed as dangerous, but not inherently evil. The game does not vilify or punish Cal for using it, in fact, it does the opposite; it essentially says that it was necessary for Cal to embrace his darkness in order for him to survive. Importantly, it shows that even the darkness can be controlled; when Cal first uses it on Nova Garon, he nearly loses himself in it, but Merrin calls him back. When he uses it again on Tanalorr, he is in complete control of it, calmly using it to lift Bode off of him and partially disarming him before letting it subside. Merrin's final monologue to Kata in the ending says it all; your pain, your loss, it will always be a part of you. But it doesn't have to define you. Both Dagan and Bode let their pain and loss consume their entire lives, and it led directly to their respective ends.
When Cal kills Bode, he does so quietly and with no anger, and only after offering him multiple chances to surrender, all of which he rejected violently. Cal killed Bode not out of vengeance, but because it was clear that Bode was beyond reason. He was never going to stop. He was never going to accept any outcome other than the one that he had decided was best. And even then, Cal quietly takes a moment alone to mourn him, and respectfully gives him a Jedi funeral alongside his two mentors.
The entire final chapter is such a beautiful contrast to the first game's. Fallen Order had you storming Fortress Inquisitorious, fighting hoards of the game's hardest enemies and concluded with a bombastic escape sequence. The atmosphere was alternately oppressive, tense and exciting, full of mechanical reds and blacks. Tanalorr is the complete opposite; it is quiet and calm, an organic place of white rocks and blue plants. There are no enemies there other than Bode, a man whose paranoia has isolated him from everyone in his life, including the daughter he supposedly loves so much. When you find him, he is not even with her. When you beat him, there is no bombast. This is not a victory to be celebrated; it is a tragedy, one that you tried to avoid, but was seemingly inevitable.
"Ghost Star," the lullaby you hear Kata singing as you approach the final battle, is so stunningly beautiful and thematically appropriate that I am appalled there wasn't a full orchestral version of it playing over the credits.
So yeah, there's probably some other stuff I'll post about later, but man, Survivor really kinda blew me away.
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Promise, I'll be back FINAL
Jenna Ortega x Reader
Warnings: Angst, Fluff
Summary: Part 3 of Homecoming and Promise, I'll be back.
Tbh, I wanted to write it longer but with the limited time I have, because of work... this would do for now....
When one of the survived officers showed up on Jenna's doorstep to hand your final letter, she completely broke down. Only with the help of her mother was she able to stand up and settle down on the couch. Her mother engulfed her into an embrace to comfort her mourning child.
"You don't have to read it now, but one day, you would like to know what Y/N's last words are for you. Once you read it, you will feel better and move on. Continue to live for you and for Y/N. I'm sure that's what they'll ever want." Jenna held onto the letter very tight and silently sob against her mom's shoulder.
In the following months, Jenna purposely fully booked her schedule. It has nothing to do with a certain letter, waiting for her to rip open and read it. She knew she would eventually have to open it. She knew as soon as she opened it, that would be your final goodbye to her. That she would never see you again. She would have to accept that you are gone and would never come back to her.
One day, she paces in her trailer, nibbling on her thumb, and keeps glancing at the letter that was poking out of her bag. This is the hardest decision-making that she'd ever had.
Finally, she took the letter and ripped it open.
Hello my love,
I'm sorry. I couldn't keep the promise. I only had an hour to write you this letter. I had so much in my head that I wanted to write down for you to read, and now that I'm actually doing it, I can't remember any of it.
Just remember I love you, and I always will. I'll be waiting for you. Keep achieving your goals for me and you.
yours only,
Y/N Ashford.
That's it. After several months, she accepted that you were gone. The following days are filled with grief and moving on. Fans have noticed her change of mood, and a lot of reporters have asked about you, but she managed to avoid all the questions. Because of that, a lot of people thought Jenna was just going through a breakup.
Jenna was busy filming her next movie when someone in the set let out a loud gasp, which ruined the take. Jenna watched the staff who ruined the take show something on her phone, and then everyone started to take out their phones. Jenna was confused. She only got enlightened when one of the staff showed their phone.
It's a live broadcast from looks like an abandoned building, and two people in military uniform are tied up almost slouching down with black cloths covering their heads. Two men standing behind them with guns. It's clear that they were or are being tortured. Then, a man with a skul mask appeared in front of the camera, talking in a different language, which translates to:
"Give us 10 billion US dollars, and these american soldiers are going home alive."
Then, the two men took off the black fabric from the soldiers. Jenna gasped and almost everyone at the studio, too. Captain Y/N Ashford and their sergeant are being tortured for money by this group of people.
Jenna's tears are pouring nonstop, and she's also shaking. The man with the skul mask kept talking in a different language when suddenly a bullet striked him in the head and dropped on the floor. There were bullets fired from all the directions, and the live stream ended.
The studio fell in silence as everyone was still in shock or silently crying. The director decided to stop the filming and wrapped up for today, as they were cleaning the studio, they heard a helicopter approaching. Everyone exited the studio just to see a military helicopter landing in the wide open space in front of the studio.
You climbed out of the vehicle with fresh tended wounds. Among the crowds, a small figure came out of the studio running with full speed into your arms. She almost knocked you off your feet, but you managed to keep your balance and embraced her tight.
"I don't ever leave me like that!" Jenna says and buries her head onto your chest.
"Didn't I promise you that I'll come back?" You asked, moving an inch away to see her face.
She nodded, looking straight into your eyes.
"I kept my promise." You say and lean in to kiss her on her lips.
The crowds were crying, applauding, and whistling.
[THE END]
#jenna ortega#jenna ortega x reader#jenna x y/n#jenna x reader#jenna ortega x you#jenna ortega x y/n
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One More Chance (At Love) (Pt.1/?)
Slowburn Mark Sloan x Reader x George O'Malley
TW/CW: Mentions of medical terms and just overall Grey's anatomy gore, social anxiety/ anxiousness, Christina being passive-aggressive to the reader of you squint, Love triangle, jump cuts
Disclaimer/Summary:
‼️ SEASON 2 SPOILERS!! ‼️
AJ's a new intern at Seattle Grace Hospital and the niece of Miranda Bailey. She has an average reputation and never heard of 'McSteamy' a.k.a Mark Sloan upon moving to Seattle and working at Seattle Grace. Not understanding the hype around him nor falling for his charm, he ends up falling first and hard because he thinks she's "hard to get". He tries his best to flirt with her but to no avail, because she never picks up on any of those social cues to realize that he has been flirting with her the entire time because of her being neurodivergent (specifically AuDHD). Besides Mark, there's also someone else who has been eyeing AJ since they met.
Ps: This is mostly a self-insert but you can still read and enjoy this!! It's been a while since I've made a fic and I think it's time for a fresh start :). This takes place in mid-season 2 (specifically episode 9, a month before the Thanksgiving part of the episode starts then jumpcuts to the events of the Thanksgiving episode) to around the end of season 3. There are a lot of jump cuts in this fic and rhe reader is black
Wc: 3.4k
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@spexialvixtimxunit @verytalented
Seattle Grace Hospital. A hospital filled with opportunities and so much drama that it could be a full-course meal. That is, of course, if you're interested in having surgeries and nonstop sleepless nights on the menu. If so, then sign me up. Having the opportunity to work in the same hospital as my Aunt was a blessing and a curse. She knew that I was studying to become a surgeon, but what she didn't know was that I would be working in the same hospital as her. The other interns around me called her 'The Nazi' but I simply called her Auntie Mandy.
No one knew that she was my aunt so they had no room to treat me differently because of my association with her. I deserved to be in that surgical program just as much as they did. I worked my ass off to become a well-respected doctor, not a punching bag for bottomless insults. So, my strategy to survive the internship came in 3 easy rules. A guide that I follow every day.
1. Befriend the Nurses.
This step was relatively easy. I'm always kind to everyone I meet unless they give me a reason to be mean. Plus, I would hate to get stuck on doing rectal exams or sutures for hours on end just because I pissed a nurse off. They're human beings just like me and deserve equal respect because it took them years of med school to get to where they are.
2. Keep to myself and only speak when spoken to (a.k.a practically become invisible to almost everyone unless I'm given instructions to complete a task.)
Now, this step is a relatively difficult one to follow. I have no clue who I will encounter upon being on Auntie Mandy's service and they would make my experience at SG unpredictable. I won't let them get to know me upon surface-level things about me. It's too risky for them to find out even the smallest incriminating detail about me. I'll just have to wait for the right moment to tell anyone that Bailey is my Aunt.
And lastly, my most hated rule.
3. NEVER unmask, unless necessary.
Masking in itself is extremely difficult. If I show any sign of my neurodivergence to neurotypicals who don't understand what it's like to hide parts of yourself every day 24/7, I'm looking at weeks of being a laughing stock and judged by everyone. Even though this is a possibility, the road to being a surgeon is never easy for anyone.
So, with that being said you would say that I have 3 impossible rules to follow. I would have to try my absolute hardest to not expose myself but also to be on top of my game in this program if I want to make it in the real surgical world.
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My alarm rings at the ripe time of 5 am. I had to be at the hospital by 7:00 am before 7:30 am rounds started and before I could officially be assigned to my resident. I knew before today that I was going to be assigned to Auntie Mandy because of the letter in the mail a few weeks ago declaring my official internship and transfer to Seattle Grace. As well as what day I would start working. Transferring hospitals is like transferring schools, you have to start all over again in a new place. New environment. With completely new people. People who are already used to each other and probably friends with each other. Whereas I'm the new kid, the outcast. The kid that sits alone during lunch while everyone has already created their cliques.
I took a few deep breaths before getting out of bed to stop myself from becoming anxious at the thought of all the wrong outcomes that could happen. I made sure to pack comfort snacks the night before and an emergency meltdown/overstimulation bag that consisted of earplugs, a few small but effective fidget toys, compactable noise-canceling headphones, and an mp3 player that has my comfort songs on speed dial. I made my bed, as I usually do to start my morning. Following up on that, I meditated and did yoga for an hour and a half. It's a way to calm and ground myself before I tackle whatever the day brings me.
I did my morning routine and skin care before heading back to my room, to change into my outfit.
By this time it was already 6:40 am. I had enough time to spare to moisturize my locs and bring a scrunchie with me so that I could put my hair up when needed at work. I made sure to grab my messenger bag and my snacks for the long shift and promptly left my apartment at 6:50 am. The drive to work was roughly 15 minutes but ended up being 20 minutes with traffic. I didn't live far away from the hospital, which was alright in my opinion. I arrived there at 7:05 am and began to park. After I parked and got out of the car, a motorcyclist drove up loud and parked 2 spots away from me.
Right in the middle of my car and the motorcycle came another car with 2 women and a guy who I'd assume knew the female motorcyclist because the group of 4 joined each other and I began walking into the building behind them. Mid-walk, another guy joins the group after what I'd assume was his morning jog. He was huffing and saying something I couldn't make out because of me keeping my distance from them so that they wouldn't assume that I was following them even though I was. I had no freaking clue on where anything in this ginormous hospital was. Sure I had a tour of the hospital but it's so easy to forget the layout when I've only been in it once.
While we waited for the elevator I quietly said, "Excuse me," as I tapped the shoulder of a brown-haired guy with cute doe eyes. He stopped talking with the blonde-haired woman and turned to face me. "I'm sorry, but could you help direct me to the surgical locker room? I'm not entirely sure where it is." As I was speaking the rest of the group turned to look at me, which was not intimidating in any way. (Yes it was.) "Yeah sure, We're actually on our way there." says the doe-eyed guy. "I'm George O'Malley by the way, that's Izzie Stevens, Alex Karev, Meredith Grey, and Christina Yang. We're all surgical interns." George introduced the names to the faces of everyone and I hoped for the best that I could remember their names.
"Oh, I'm AJ. AJ Brown. I'm also an intern here. It's my first day." I spoke. "What! That's cool, we could show you around sometime!" Izzie said as the elevator dinged. I nodded and followed their lead and got on the elevator with them, standing near the back of it. I listened as they talked about how their mornings went. The elevator stopped at the second floor. After making a few turns into the corridors, we finally made it to the locker room.
"What's your locker number?" Meredith asked as she began to walk to her locker. "Uh, it's G - 23," I responded as I looked around at my surroundings. Everyone was already getting changed. "Oh, nice you have a locker next to me!" Izzie smiled. The digital clock on the wall read 7:15 am, there was enough time to change into my scrubs and have my pager and stethoscope ready. As I was putting my shoes on Meredith spoke to me, "So, AJ, where are you from?" She asked as she closed her locker door. "Oh, I'm from a small town in Illinois," I answered. "What's a city girl like you doing all the way here in rainy ol' Seattle? Besides to work here?" Alex chimed in, "Family, stuff." I spoke shortly, in hopes of ending the conversation.
"That's nice that you can be near family here. Also, who's service are you on?" Izzie asked. "I have Dr. Bailey," I spoke as I stood up while closing my locker. "Awesome, she has the Nazi too." Christina deadpanned as they all began to finish up. "Christina, be nice!" Meredith nudged Christina's arm and tried her best to whisper that to her but failed. "We can show you where she is today." The group leaves the locker room and I trail behind them to find my Aunt.
We head to the elevator and we make it to the third floor, where we come to a spacious waiting area and a front desk that I'd assume contained charts and other important patient information. Among the crowd of people walking around stood Auntie Mandy, writing in a chart binder at the front desk. "Good morning Dr. Bailey." They all said one by one, before George spoke, "I think we have a new intern with us that's on your service." That sparked her to look up from the chart. "New intern? What new intern?" She said almost with an attitude. They all miraculously parted like the Red Sea to reveal my presence to her.
"Well, I'll be damned! If it isn't AJ!" Bailey replied with a smile before running up to hug me, which shocked the group as if they had never seen her act sweet towards anyone. She released me from her grasp and said, "I had no idea they were assigning you to my service! How's your mom? I know everyone must miss me back there in Illinois." Bailey chirped. I hesitated and replied shortly, "Everyone's fine and they do." I laughed awkwardly. "Wait? How do you know Dr. Bailey and how does she know you?" Christina asked, answering the burning question that was floating around in everyone's head.
"She's-" Before Dr. Bailey could finish her sentence our pagers went off. Talk about being saved by the bell. Or beep in this case. I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding in as we all began to follow Bailey's orders on where to be assigned. George ended up being the one to be my guide for the day as I helped him with patients and got used to doing checkups and filling out charts for a few hours. After that, Bailey assigned George to teach me how to run labs and work on sutures in the pit, as well as prescribing actual medicine to the patients. Before I knew it, it was lunchtime.
"Hey, would you like to have lunch with me? I'm usually with everyone because we all eat together sometimes." George asked softly as we headed to the cafeteria I assumed. "Uh, sure." I agreed. I brought a simple lunch with me, a turkey sandwich, apple slices, and carrots. While George offered to buy me apple juice. As I began to sit down next to George, Christina let out a loud groan and said lowly to herself, "Why did George invite someone we barely know to lunch, it's like she's his pet or something." This time Merideth kicked Christina's leg under the table, which caused her to verbally say 'ow' in response.
Upon hearing that comment, before I could start eating I got up and excused myself by saying, "I think left my pager in my locker. I'm gonna go get it." I grabbed all of my things and left immediately, what did I expect from a bunch of strangers? I found an empty hallway with abandoned beds and I ate in silence.
George's POV
AJ grabbed her things and speed walked away. Christina scoffed and spoke, "Looks like she ran off to go find her mommy, Dr. Bailey," Everyone let out laughs at Christina's 'joke' if you even call it that. "Enough!" I yelled as I slammed my hands on the table, "She has been nothing but nice to you guys and this is how you treat her on her first day? People deserve chances and you guys never even gave her that option to one." I grabbed the rest of my lunch and stormed off in hopes of finding AJ, before hearing out what everyone was going to say to my brief speech.
AJ's POV
I was almost done eating my lunch when I heard a familiar voice say, "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" It was George. What a relief. "You have?" I said as I finished the last of my apple slices before I threw away the remaining trash. "Look, I'm sorry that they were mean to you, they don't like new people coming into their space." George apologized before he sat somewhat next to me. "You don't have to apologize for them George, it's not your place to apologize for them." I feigned a smile to try to reassure him.
"Sometimes they make fun of me too. And I wonder if they're my friends or if I'm convincing myself that they are," George confessed. "Well, can you be yourself when you're around them?" I questioned. George didn't answer. "If you have to think about it for a long time then maybe you should reconsider if they are your friends. Real friends don't make fun of you for being you. They appreciate your uniqueness and don't judge you." I declared. "It seems like you're a friend expert." I laughed a little at his comment. "I've had a lot of friends but never kept any of them so I know what it's like." I spoke truthfully, "Thanks for the lunch, George." I thanked him before I walked away once again.
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By that evening, my hands and feet were tired from walking and constantly talking to all the people. I desperately needed time to recharge my social battery because I could feel myself starting to get overstimulated. The lights were starting to get too bright and the bustling noise could make anyone go insane. I had a few minutes to myself in the on-call room so I spent it playing with my Tangle fidget toy and listening to a playlist of my favorite Michael Jackson songs in the dark while lying down on one of the beds on the bottom bunk. Needless to say, I ended up falling asleep for a good hour before I faintly heard the door open.
"AJ, wake up, Dr. Bailey needed me to find you," George said as he tapped my shoulder in an attempt to wake me. I groaned before sitting up on my elbows and glaring at him for waking me up, "I'm sorry to wake you but she needs more hands in the pit." He confessed which caused me to roll my eyes. I nodded before shoving my MP3 player and fidget toy down in my lab coat pocket. I put my shoes back on while George watched and we both headed out to the pit together.
Only a few more hours to go.
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My first 12-hour shift was finally over. The aching in my feet was beyond compare even though I had comfortable shoes on made for walking. I went back to the locker room to change and I found myself left with a few people and George changing near me. "Are you autistic? I mean, if you are that's okay with me. I won't tell the others if you don't want to tell them so that they don't make fun of you. I'm not saying that they will but they can be mean sometimes. Well, not Izzie. Wait no, Izzie can be mean sometimes but not in-" I just stared at him until he finished rambling.
"Sorry, that was rude. I didn't mean to assume or anything. It's just that I-" George began again before I stopped him. This must have been on his mind all day. "Yes, I'm autistic and I have Adhd as well. And I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone because I don't want any attention on me about it. People will treat me differently." I shrugged it off to George as I grabbed my bag. "Can I ask why?" George said as he sat down on the bench. "Why what?" I replied, not looking at him. "Why don't you want to tell anyone?" I let out a huff and closed the locker before I faced him.
"This is breaking my rules," I mumbled, "Rules? What do you mean?" There was confusion in his voice but I could hear that he wanted to understand. "Ever since I was a kid, I always knew that I was different. I never had a lot of friends growing up and I never was invited to birthday parties because of how people treated me for being different. I don't normally spill my life to people I just met but I feel like I can trust you. I've been judged about my diagnosis of AuDHD. There's no point in trying to be myself when I can be what people expect me to be."
"But doesn't that get tiring? Having to mask all the time?" He asked and I nodded quickly. "It's hard to get a break and for people to not stare at me when I stim and fidget," I said disappointingly, "But what do I expect?" I shrugged it off and began to make my way to the door. "It's hard being myself in a room full of people who don't get you, but thanks anyway for trying to understand George, have a good night."
And with that, I once again walked away. It's becoming a habit now.
------
(A month later, at the start of episode 9)
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Izzie had invited me over to help cook and decorate the house for Thanksgiving. I wore a simple outfit, a black long sleeve with denim jeans and black Converse. My favorite brand of shoes.
When I arrived I was greeted by Izzie rushing to get me inside. "I need you to get George for me, he's upstairs and he's supposed to be helping me cook but he hasn't left his room yet," Izzie said frantically. "Oh, okay. Um. Where exactly is his room? I've never been here before." I said while taking off my leather jacket and Izzie hanging it up for me.
"It's up the stairs, down the hall, and to the right." I listened to her directions and I reached George's room. I gently knocked on the door and waited for a reply. "Come in!" George said from the other side. I carefully opened it and saw him fully clothed on his bed with his eyes shut. "Why are you just lying on your bed?" I spoke as I closed his door behind me. He quickly opened his eyes, not knowing it was me.
"AJ! I- when did you get here?" He hurried and sat up to look at me. "I got here just now, not too long ago. You know Izzie wants you downstairs to help right?" I sat down on the end of his bed before he plopped back down with a huff. "I know but I'm afraid to go out there." I quirked a brow, "Afraid? Why would you be afraid?" As I said that he held his hands up and began counting down from 10. A thunderous noise arose from downstairs, and just when he reached zero, 3 men barged into his and screamed, "O'Malley!!"
Startled by the sudden noise, I looked at George for an answer. "Because of that." George huffed again. "Georgie, since when did you have a girlfriend? And she's hot too." I was taken aback at the man's comment. "C'mon, you know Georgie never gets laid," George rolled his eyes before getting up, trying to hide his embarrassment from me. "Please ignore my idiotic brothers," He began to go to his closet and grab camo wear. "Where are you going? Aren't you going to help Izzie?" There was desperation in those chocolate-brown eyes of his, and just when he was about to explain himself the older man chimed in and said, "Our Georgie is gonna kill his first turkey this year, I can feel it!"
"Dad you know Georgie isn't gonna kill a turkey, he never does." His eldest brother spoke, "No, he's gonna chicken out like how he usually does-" "Shut up!" George says while his brothers laugh, his face turning as red as a tomato now. "I'll be back as soon as I can to help. I promise I won't miss dinner." George tells me as he puts on his beanie and I thought he couldn't look any cuter. "Well, you better tell Izzie that," I scoffed as his family began to drag him out of the room chanting 'O'Malley' over and over again until they were down the stairs and out of the door.
"I don't think they're coming back any time soon." Izzie whined, "I hope he doesn't actually kill a bird."
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#greys abc#greys anatomy imagine#greys anatomy#meredith grey#alex karev#george o’malley x reader#george o'malley imagine#george o'malley#izzie stevens#christina yang#slow burn#love triangle#angst to fluff#fluff to smut
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Six-Song Soundtrack
tagged by @herearedragons!! tysm, this was so much fun- i love playlist games, the hardest part is narrowing it down to just one song for each!
Rules: If you're tagged, make a new post with links to music and/or lyrics describing the following:
An event that defines your character's past
How your character sees themselves
How others view them
Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)
A major fight scene
End credits song
And since it's a playlist game, i gotta do it for my lovely beautiful bard!
Piper Soundtrack:
Blush - Dessa
Metaphor - The Crane Wives
Feeling Good - Nina Simone
All I've Ever Known - Hadestown Soundtrack // You're Not Going Alone - The rough & Tumble
Shatter Me - Lindsey Stirling, Lizzy Hale
Free - Florence + The Machine
(rambling about song choices below)
Blush - Dessa
I'll be Your favorite me Mostly carefree Laughs easily But what you can't see In my routine Is how hard it gets to keep the heartbeat clean ... I think I'm done up on the tight rope I want a love that feels like more than just survival
As a young woman, Piper possessed beauty, grace, and a gift for music. This combination drew the attention of Eliyen Ivaris, an elegant noblewoman who hired on the tiefling bard as a court performer, and soon became her lover.
Eliyen treasured Piper's music and beauty, but it soon became clear she wasn't interested in much beyond. Piper knew this yet stayed, nervous about leaving the security of her position. Finally, the day came when she could not stand to be stifled any longer, and she disappeared with a small fortune in stolen treasures. This relationship- and the consequences of her thievery- stayed with her for some time.
Metaphor - The Crane Wives
I've gotten good at making up metaphors I've gotten good at stretching the truth out of shape And all these words are sweet and meaningless You can't trust a single thing I say
We know her as Piper, but before the Crusades she was Lark. Lyra. Cantrelle. Aria. She was an endless supply of names and stories, and she knew how to get by on nothing more than her golden voice and silver tongue. It was easy- she just had to become what people wanted, until the winds changed and it was time for her to disappear into another mask.
Feeling Good - Nina Simone
Fish in the sea, you know how I feel River running free, you know how I feel Blossom on the tree, you know how I feel It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life for me And I'm feeling good
And speaking of masks- a song for the valiant Knight-Commander! The beautiful, free-spirited Azata, full of confidence and joy, bringing hope to the people and new life to the blighted lands!
The picture she paints isn't false... but very few people know just how much she's making this all up as she goes
All I've Ever Known - Hadestown Soundtrack
You take me in your arms And suddenly there's sunlight all around me Everything bright and warm And shining like it never did before And for a moment I forget Just how dark and cold it gets All I've ever known is how to hold my own All I've ever known is how to hold my own But now I wanna hold you
You're Not Going Alone - The rough & Tumble
You can stand there stricken at your old front door, Or shake the dust you swore you’d hold You may not belong here, anymore, But you’re not going alone
ok i did do two for this one! had to, sorry
First one is for Arue- her sunshine in the storm, the gentle, brave woman who fills Piper's life with love. She's still amazed they get to be together, and she wouldn't trade their love for the world
And one for Woljif! Piper's best friend; they understand each other on a level nobody else does, and they accidentally help each other become better just by being there
For someone who's been alone so much of her life, Piper can't help but feel blessed to have those two in her life
Shatter Me - Lindsey Stirling, Lizzy Hale
If I break the glass then I'll have to fly There's no one to catch me if I take a dive
This song specifically makes me think of Piper in the Abyss, storming the Fleshmarkets and freeing everyone she can, solidifying the change in her alignment from Chaotic Neutral to Chaotic Good. It's suitably dramatic and the violin here makes for some great bard battle music!
Free - Florence + The Machine
Is this how it is? Is this how it's always been? To exist in the face of suffering and death And somehow still keep singing? ... 'Cause I hear the music, I feel the beat And for a moment, when I'm dancing I am free
And this one just seems like a nice closing song! Very suited for Piper, especially as she embraces herself and her life, with all the good and bad that comes with it
if you actually read through all that, god bless. thanks for sticking around!
tagging:
@bugdotpng @dujour13 @camelliagwerm @mordred9971 @orime-stories
@first-talon @miseryscrowned @bladesmitten @big-cheesy-productions @arendaes
@bezelusbubulez @starlightcleric @vigilskept @thesolemnhour @ampleappleamble
@rollofleaf @adozentothedawn @undyingembers @thefathersbride @milesmentis
@serenbach86 @jean-dieu @daisymeade @kaleido-scope-lady
tag list here!
#it was so hard to narrow the songs down but i decided not to repeat any artists and that helped lol#thanks for the tag!#and if anyone wants to tag back i can definitely to more oc's 👀#ch: piper#music
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2. Reader and Minho liked each other but noone had time to explore the feelings. But when Minho gets back from that night with Thomas in the maze the reader is so happy hes still alive and there is some tension building up...later on the keepers meeting (book scene) where Minho is a total hottie and says the most iconic stuff as usual reader cant help herself and once the meeting is over she suddenly kisses him.
This is a request from an anonymous user that asked for two in one, so I've had to separate them, and I'm bad at tumblr, but I'll post them at the same time to make them easier to find.
I actually whipped my copy of the book out to pull direct quotes from it. This was effort. Also, yes I know Chuck isn't there because he's the one that tells them about Alby, but this isn't here for accuracy points (I may or may not have also written the whole thing before noticing this myself but shhhh)
BEYOND THE OTHER SIDE
MASTERLIST | MINHO MASTERLIST
SUMMARY: See above. Book based fic. Fem!Reader.
WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, some suggestive themes but under spice because of one slightly heated make out session.
"You're still here?" You don't even bother looking up to see that it's Newt. You're sat in front of the Doors with your legs crossed, Chuck using your thigh as a pillow as you told the boy to get some sleep, even if he refused to leave your side.
"What does it look like?" The British boy sighs, rubbing your shoulder.
"You know they're not coming back, right?"
You shoot him a glare, "Don't say that- if anyone can survive out there, it's Minho."
The last twenty-four hours have been a blur. First, Minho found a 'dead' Griever, resulting in a expedition for him and Alby to go check it out.
As far as you can tell, that thing definitely wasn't dead. That much was obvious when Minho came around the corner carrying an unconscious Alby.
Every part of your body was screaming to go in there and save them- help them- anything you could think of.
But Thomas beat you to it.
It had been a weird enough week as it was with another girl showing up a day after Thomas and the Box refusing to go back down, but this was definitely the hardest blow.
Now three of them, two of the most important people in the Glade, were stuck out there.
You would be lying if you weren't playing favourites.
You and Minho have an interesting relationship, to say the least. He helped you out when you first showed up in the Box. He taught you how to defend yourself and did a good job at keeping the other boys away from you. He's surprisingly emotionally intelligent and offers an understanding to your feelings of isolation that the other Gladers can't seem to grasp. It doesn't help that he's gorgeous and kind of funny.
All of this resulting in you crushing on him. Hard.
And the feeling is mutual.
And you both know it.
After a drunken confession (and make-out session) during one of the Bonfire nights, you both decided to just be friends. After all, maintaining a relationship in the Glade isn't an easy task, and it's key for Minho to focus on his work above everything.
So, you've both been pushing your feelings for each other down in favour of the greater good.
The sexual tension has been killing you, and him, especially when you've had a bit too much to drink and he keeps looking at you like that.
But this is painful. He's gone. He could be dead and you'd never see him again. Never having fulfilled your promises of a relationship once you both escape.
You've been sitting there all night. Both you and Chuck. Chuck for Thomas, you for Minho. Some early risers sent you both sympathetic glances but it just made you angrier.
You don't need their pity. They're going to be okay. They have to be okay- he has to be.
The rumbling of the Doors startles you, even though you've been expecting it since you sat down.
"Chuck," you lightly shake the boy, causing him to stir from his slumber, "Chuck, wake up. The Doors are opening."
He's groggy, but still eagerly awakes, pulling himself off of you and allowing you to stand up.
Gladers start to gather around as the giant stone entrance prepares itself to settle for the day. You, Chuck and Newt stand at the front of the crowd, Newt's hand still lingering on your shoulder in preparation to comfort you. The blond is far more realistic than you, but he still doesn't want to watch you crumble when the hope fades.
He knows your and Minho's relationship better than anyone else. He hears about it from both sides pretty much daily.
The Doors open painfully slow, almost like they're mocking you.
It reveals an empty corridor. Your jaw tenses, and you ball your fists, trying not to let your emotions take over as you look at the floor. Newt rubs your shoulder, and you can see Chuck anxiously looking at you from the corner of your eye.
It's like all the Gladers hold their breath, waiting to see your response.
But you don't get the chance to.
"No shuckin' way," your eyes flicker up to Newt, who is staring straight ahead. You follow his gaze, watching as Minho and Thomas stumble down the stretch of concrete.
"Minho!" Your voice is scratchy and you lose all care for the rules. Rushing forward, the Runner seems to be in far better condition than the Greenie, who looks like he's seen the Devil himself.
Your feet move beneath you, diving into Minho's arms. "Woah, easy, girly," he scoffs, but his muscular arms come around you. The hug is tight and full of enough emotion to show you how terrified he was.
He's alive. Oh my God, he's alive.
"Uh, this is sweet and all, but we need to get Alby down," Thomas interrupts. You pull away from Minho.
"He's still alive?"
"He better shuckin' be," Minho sounds like he's had quite the night. "Where even is he?"
"Come on- help us!" Thimas rushes to the wall by the Doors. To your surprise, Alby is strung several feet above the air, tangled to the wall with Ivy.
"How the..." You meet Newt's equal look of disbelief, but you all get to work helping your Leader down.
Thomas and Minho basically pass out the second they get to the Med-jack's hut. You let them. The next day is about to be interesting and they both need to rest.
The Gladers are already thinking about what this all means and with the revelation that Thomas had somehow killed THREE Grievers, the Glade is in some kind of uproar.
Some people are worshipping the ground that he walks on, and others want him burned at the stake. Gally is the chancellor of the latter crowd.
Alby's got the serum, so there's a ray of hope yet. But Thomas broke the rules.
Obviously, you're of the belief that Thomas has done a good thing. Alby and Minho might not have survived if it weren't for him- how could he possibly be punished for all of this?
Thankfully, that seems to be the majority opinion. But with Newt in charge and a hatred of the poor constructed democracy of the Glade, it's hard to say what will happen.
Which is why when it came to the Gathering regarding Thomas's existence in the Glade, you're stood right outside with Chuck, not so subtly eavesdropping in.
Nearly all of the Keepers came up in a group together- "veterans" as they call themselves. So, there's not much chance of you becoming a Keeper. But now you wish you were.
"What do you think they're-?"
"Shh, Chuck," you snap at the boy, hushing him as you try to make out something audible enough to gain information from.
The general chattering seems to be pretty pointless. It's just people saying the same shit everyone's been saying since the trio returned.
It doesn't take long for silence to settle, and for Newt to give the introductory speech that he is no doubt rolling his eyes about. The Keepers each take it in turn to state their opinions, thankfully most of them siding with Thomas.
Gally then has about a forty page essay on how Thomas is the spawn of Satan until Newt finally speaks again, "With no more words from Gally- go ahead, last but not least."
Minho's distinct voice fills the room. "I was out there; I saw what this guy did- he stayed strong while I turned into a panty-wearin' chicken. No blabbin' on and on like Gally. I want to say my recommendation and be done with it."
"Good that," Newt almost seems relived. "Tell us then."
"I nominate this shank to replace me as Keeper of the Runners."
You and Chuck look at each other as silence consumes the inside of the room. Both of you wear expressions of disbelief, looking at one another to assure that you actually heard that correctly.
Unsurprisingly, Gally spoke first, screaming about how Minho should lose his spot on the Council for even suggesting such a thing.
Then chaos erupts as Newt desperately tries to calm down the boys.
"Shuck it," you really do pity Newt. He somehow got swept into everyone's bullshit and the man just wants to grow his plants. "I've never seen so many shanks acting like tit-suckin' babies. We may not look it, but around these parts we're adults. Act like it or we'll disband this bloody Council and start from scratch." A beat skips as Newt seems to compose himself, "Are we clear?"
The quiet from beyond the door tells you that they've all gotten the hint.
"Good that." Newt continues, before he seems to address Minho. "That's some pretty serious klunk, brother. Sorry, but you need to talk it up to move it forward."
You and Chuck exchange another round of stunned glances. Newt's actually considering this?
There's no way. This isn't adding up. Minho would never give up his job- he's too good at it. And you've seen him injured and on prescribed rest. He hates it. The boy can't sit still for two seconds, even when he is in the Glade. If he were to just become a normal Runner, Minho would still be far too overqualified for the gig.
"It's easy for you shanks to sit here and talk about something you're stupid on. I'm the only Runner in this group and the only other one here who's even been out in the Maze is Newt." Minho sounds frustrated and still tired.
A bad mix, to be sure.
So, of course, Gally has to open his mouth. "Not if you count the time I-"
"I don't!" Minho shouts suddenly, making Chuck jump away from the door, but you don't move. Minho's playing a game here- you just know he is.
"And believe me, you or nobody else has the slightest clue what it's like to be out there. The only reason you were stung is because you broke the same rule you're blaming Thomas for. That's called hypocrisy, you shuck-faced piece of-"
"Enough," you're actually kind of disappointed Newt shut him down. It's about time someone shouted at Gally and just hearing Minho do it is making you feel some kind of way. "Defend your proposal and be done with it."
Minho takes a second before picking up again.
"Anyway, listen to me. I've never seen anything like it. He didn't panic. He didn't whine and cry, never seemed scared. Dude, he'd been here for just a few days. Think about what we were all like in the beginning. Huddling in corners, disoriented, crying every hour, not trusting anybody, refusing to do anything. We were all like that, for weeks or months, 'till we had no choice but to shuck it up and live. Just a few days after this guy shows up, he steps out in the Maze to save two shanks he hardly knows. All this klunk about him breaking a rule is just beyond stupid. He didn't get the rules yet. But plenty of people had told him what it's like in the Maze, especially at night. And he still stepped out there, just as the Door was closing, only caring that two people needed help."
You don't think you've ever heard Minho be this passionate about anything. It's definitely only adding to your liking of him, and hearing him agree with you with such determination is making your heart rate increase.
"But that was just the beginning. After that, he saw me give up on Alby, leave him for dead. And I was the veteran- the one with all the experience and knowledge. So when Thomas saw me give up, he shouldn't have questioned it. But he did. Think about the willpower and strength it took to push Alby up that wall, centimetre by centimetre. It's psycho. It's freaking crazy."
He seems to take a breath before continuing even further.
"But that wasn't it. Then came the Grievers. I told Thomas we had to split up and I started the practised evasive manoeuvers, running in the patterns. Thomas, when he should've been wettin' his pants, took control, defied all laws of physics and gravity to get Alby up onto that wall, diverted the Grievers away from him, beat one off, found-"
"We get the point," Gally stops, halting Minho's actually quite enthralling retelling of the events. "Tommy here is a lucky shank."
"No," Minho sounds completely furious, "you worthless shuck, you don't get it! I've been here two years, and I've never seen anything like it. For you to say anything..." He trails off, followed by a loud groan of frustration.
You feel angry for him. He's right, you don't get it- you've never had to experience the horrors of the Maze and Minho does it literally every single day. How can Gally even think he has a leg to stand on?
"Gally," he's suddenly scarily calm, "you're nothing but a sissy who has never, not once, asked to be a Runner or tried out for it. You don't have the right to talk about things you don't understand. So shut your mouth."
"Say one more thing like that," you can imagine spit flying from Gally's mouth as he throws the words at your future boyfriend, "and I'll break your neck, right here in front of everyone."
"Great," Chuck mumbles, "we're already at death threats." You shush him again.
Minho laughs.
A sound that sends shivers down your spine. Probably because you can tell what's about to happen.
There's a loud slapping sound. It's followed by the noises of chairs crashing and breaking and several loud, incoherent shouts.
"I swear, Gally," Minho's voice rings above the commotion, "don't ever threaten me again. Don't ever speak to me again. Ever. If you do, I'll break your shuck neck, right after I'm done with your arms and legs."
Damn.
That was hot.
Should that be hot? Do you have some interesting problems?
Probably, yes, but that can he dealt with at a later date.
"Holy shit," you murmur, Chuck humming in shocked agreement.
There's a lot more shuffling and arguing, but unfortunately, Gally decides to talk even more.
"Things are different now. You shouldn't have done that, Minho. You should not have done that. I know you hate me, that you've always hated me. You should be Banished for your embarrassing inability to lead this group." You're assuming that this is directed at Newt. "You're shameful, and any one of you who stays here is no better. Things are going to change. This I promise."
Well, that's... ominous.
"And you, the Greenbean who thinks he's friggin' God. Don't forget I've seen you before- I've been through the Changing. What these guys decide doesn't mean jack. Whatever you came for- I swear on my life I'm gonna stop it. Kill you if I have to."
You're quick to grab Chuck, yanking him towards you and out of the way of the door which flies open. Gally looks shook up, clearly Minho did more than just shout at him from his dishevelled clothing and red face. He doesn't even glance at you as he slams the door behind him.
He storms off, leaving you and Chuck to, once again, exchange glances before shrugging it off and returning to your original positions.
The discourse continues, mainly about Gally and the Changing and what it all means, with Frypan pointing out that the guy has obviously lost his mind.
The structure falls apart pretty quick. Newt giving up completely as he makes Thomas speak his piece.
Newt finally makes his judgement.
"Here's my recommendation. You broke our bloody Number One Rule, so you get one day in the Slammer. That's your punishment. I also elect you as a Runner, effective the second this meeting's over. You've proven more in one night than most trainees do in weeks. As for you being the buggin' Keeper, forget it. Gally was right on that count- stupid idea."
You know Minho's playing a game when he argues this. "Why? He's the best we have- I swear it. The best should be the Keeper."
"Fine," Newt just wants to leave at this point, "if that's true, we'll make the change later. Give it a month and see if he proves himself."
"Good that." Minho sounds completely unfazed, almost expectant of this outcome.
The vote commences with everyone agreeing to Newt's terms; even with some queries from Winston. Newt agrees to the proposal of another Gathering if shit hits the fan.
You pull Chuck out of the way again as the door flies open, most of the Keepers in a hurry to leave. Both of you flash them some slightly suspicious, sheepish smiles because you couldn't get away quick enough to play it off.
Thomas and Minho head out, leaving Newt in the Gathering room but they continue talking in the doorway.
"Keeper?" Thomas questions, yet to notice you. "You want me to be a Keeper? You're nuttier than Gally by a long shot."
Minho fakes an evil grin. "Worked didn't it? Aim high, hit low." He playfully nudges Thomas, "Thank me later."
Thomas notices Chuck, looking between you and the boy, who speaks. "That sounded like a real klunk show."
Thomas scoffs, playfully shoving the younger kid.
Jeff suddenly comes running over, stuttering over something about Alby wanting to talk to Thomas, which peaks Newt's attention, and he shoots out of the room, grabbing Thomas and dragging them in the direction of Alby. Chuck follows, probably to take part in some more eavesdropping.
You're definitely not the best influence.
"That was quite the trick, Keeper," you exaggerate the 'Keeper', causing Minho to grin at you as you casually lean against the wall, finally gaining his attention.
"You're one to talk- you could get time in the Slammer for listening in on private affairs."
"You knew I was here?"
"'Course I did- I always know where you are. Can't afford not to." You roll your eyes. Of course, he noticed you were there- he's too perceptive not to.
You take a moment to admire him. Despite getting in a fight and shouting his lungs out, Minho looks as perfect as always. And the things he said and how he acted so in control and determined makes you pull your bottom lip between your teeth.
"What?" His voice becomes considerably lower. "You know you can't look at me like-"
In an instant, you stand up straight, grabbing his shirt with some force and yanking him towards you. He makes no effort to protest as you press your lips against his.
It's just a peck, but you're now very aware that this breaks the set of boundaries you'd both set.
"Shit," you whisper, "fuck, I forgot."
He lets out a low chuckle that almost has you squeezing your legs together. "You know, when I was out in the Maze, all I could think about was you."
Your heart skips a beat, "Yeah?"
"Yeah, I just- I have everything I want right in front of me, and I didn't wanna shuck it up. But it took me nearly dying to realise I don't care anymore. This is dumb. I want you- and I can have you. Why wait?"
Your foreheads touch as his words bring tou closer together, noses touching, his eyes fixed on your lips.
"Why are you still waiting then?" That's all the confirmation he needs to ignite the kiss again. He pushes against you, your hands diving into his hair and humming into his mouth as you hit the wall behind you.
He effortlessly holds you in place, pushing his knee between your legs, hands holding your waist. Your lips dance against each other, tongues brushing just in the slightest, showing one another your wants but without taking things too far in such an open place.
"(Y/N)?" He breaks the kiss, panting more than he does after working all day.
"Yeah?"
"Do you, uh, do you wanna be my girlfriend?"
You scoff, taking him by surprise before pecking his lips once again.
"Yes, shucking obviously- I thought you'd never ask."
Wooo, finally finished this piece. It took me a hot minute but here it is. Sorry for any errors or anything, I've not reread it because it is very late but I just had to get this out.
Hope you guys enjoy :)
#🌿 petri writes#🍃 petri tmr#🌿 petri writes tmr#🌿 petri tmr minho#tmr fanfiction#tmr minho#minho the maze runner#minho tmr#minho tmr x reader#tmr imagines#minho maze runner
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So... Thsc oc! Yay!
(This is an info dump about Devin, so it might get pretty long...)
Okay, so! It all started when two Toppat members loved each other very much and had a baby. Which was Devin! They took care of him until he was 8 or 9 when they took him on a mission and ended up getting killed in front of him.
With no one to care for him, the Toppat Leaders (Reginald and RHM) decided to take him in and raise him as it says above on his card.
He turned out to be one of the best Toppats in the clan (obviously), but he was also very reckless. He would often rush into things without a plan and end up succeeding by a pure miracle.
Devin is also pretty lighthearted and cocky with him facing his issues with a smile and joke.
Well, what are his relationships with Reginald and RHM?
I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED.
Reginald:
They have a close bond with Reginald being Devin's go-to for emotional support. Reginald shows his affection and concern for Devin a lot more openly. He's usually the one to fuss over him when he ends up doing something dumb that got him injured. He also taught Devin how to use swords with both hands, one he was old enough. (I read a fanfiction where Reginald knew how to fight with swords, and I thought it fit so well for his character.)
Right Hand Man:
RHM is a lot more subtle with his relationship with Devin but is not neglectful. They've spent enough time together that Devin knows that RHM cares for him just as much as Reginald does. He shows his affection and concern through his actions more than words, and it is the one to patch up Devin after he does something stupid. They like to train together by fighting one on one which is Right's favorite style of fighting.
(He's also pals with Burt, Carter (my oc), and Cathat (friend's oc), but I can always expand on that later if you're REALLY interested.)
What's he like during different endings, you ask?
Well since you asked!
Government Supported Private Investigator:
Devin doesn't show up on screen really for this ending, and instead has more offscreen importance.
When the government came to arrest the leaders and most of the clan, Devin fought his hardest to stop it but didn't succeed, which got a lot arrested. He also lost his arm in the airship crash and was taken by remaining Toppats to help him survive.
Once his injury was taken care of and he woke up, he was made the new leader. Of course, he took the position, but he wasn't ready for it. His main goal after this ending was to break the previous leaders out of prison. (Also, he gets a cool cybernetic prosthetic. Aw, like father like son.)
Pure Blooded Thief:
Devin isn't really on screen for this one either and really only shows up at the end with the leaders. Right wants to do something about Henry stealing the Ruby, and Devin is on board with it, but Reginald talks them both out of it. They all escape, but now they really don't like Henry.
Rapidly Promoted Executive:
Devin is on screen more as he runs with Reginald while Henry chases them down. (He would've been with RHM to fight with Henry, but he was told to go with Reg and who is he to disobey Right?)
Anyway, after Right is defeated and Henry tries to get Reginald, he's tackled to the ground and stopped by Devin. So they fight it out while Reg tries to get help. (I have fails and a success for this part, but I'll save that for another time.) Henry finally gets advantage over Devin and slams him into the wall, which knocks him out.
Of course, there's the whole betraying government thing, and Henry becomes leader. Devin is not happy with it...
Relentless Bounty Hunter:
Same thing as the previous ending, but this time, once Devin woke up and found out about it, both him and Right were rightfully pissed about it. Both of them become a terror to the government and work together to get that space station up in orbit so they can go break Reginald out.
(I might talk more about the Completing the Mission endings, but this is already long, and I have no idea how interested people will be in this guy. 🥲)
#art#henry stickmin collection#digital art#right hand man#reginald copperbottom#henry stickmin rhm#thsc oc#the henry stickmin collection#thsc#oc#rambles#i talk way too much#I'm so sorry you had to read all thst#I got excited lol#Devin Copperbottom(thscoc)
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hi hi! i saw your drarry recs and i love a lot of them! if you dont mind, can you recommend some of your fav drarry angst fanfictions with good endings? something emotional because im in a mood for that hahah. i went through the angst tagged ones and most of them aren't.. heart wrenching enough..? thank you in advance btw ^^
I have a Angst with a Happy Ending list, I'll add more here!
Close Behind by @oflights (134k)
To rescue Draco from the Underworld, Harry has to look forward. Unfortunately, Draco has to look back.
you’ve got the antidote for me by Kandakicksass (20k)
When Harry Potter unintentionally severs their soulbond before it can fully form, Draco Malfoy resigns himself to a slow death and decides not to burden Harry with a soulmate he’s made it very clear he doesn’t want.
The Beauty of Thestrals and Other Unseen Things by @writcraft (63k)
Harry has terrific friends, an amazing girlfriend and his job as Head Auror enables him to work on challenging cases and Ministry reform. He just wishes he could work out why he’s been so out of sorts. When Draco Malfoy is arrested for gross indecency, Harry’s comfortable life begins to unravel. He’s forced to decide if it’s worth risking everything for love in a world where following his heart is a criminal offence.
Nor All That Glisters by @sweet-s0rr0w (110k)
Lonely and frustrated on house arrest, with no prospects for the future, Draco begins brewing Felix Felicis in an attempt to improve his lot. Just in the short term, of course. He isn’t a total idiot.
But before long he finds himself with a thriving business, a nice flat, some actual (albeit irritatingly Gryffindor) friends, and a very satisfying sex life. What’s more, no-one is hexing him in the street. And Harry Potter is single, and gorgeous, and giving Draco decidedly interested looks.
Stop taking the Felix? You must be joking…
If Memory Serves by @dictacontrion (30k)
Maybe Draco wants to forget. Maybe it’s wrong to make him remember.
The Stars Have Courage by @fantalfart (85k)
Draco waited five long years to watch his husband wake up from a coma. He’s not ready to meet a Harry with no memory of anything that happened after he died at The Battle of Hogwarts, twelve years ago.
Telling the Bees by @cibeewastaken (31k)
Scorpius’ body was found in Hogwarts one early morning.
It'll Come Back by @vukovich (15k)
Draco Malfoy wakes up in the Thickey ward not remembering anything except that the Auror in front of him is his husband. But he's not. A tale of owning up to who you used to be.
Everything That Happens is From Now On by @thusspoketrish (42k)
After surviving a brutal assault, Draco tries to navigate the tumultuous waters of his mind and embrace a bit of love and trust in his life. After all, the smallest steps forward can begin to heal the most fractured of souls.
Us, in Lieu by @tepre (29k)
Teddy needs help and Harry needs funding. Draco sits in the other room and plays the piano.
you, a violent desire by @alpha-exodus (47k)
The Amortentia was an accident—but only the first time.
He Comes Like a Thunderstorm by @korlaena (140k)
Draco is doing his best to balance the life he wants to live and the life he’s forced to live. He’s nearing the tail-end of a long, post-war probation when Harry Potter crashes back into his life with all the grace of a charging Erumpent, breaking through his carefully constructed rules and routine. Caught up in a whirlwind of sex and lust, Potter unwittingly shows Draco that his life as an Incubus doesn’t have to be as lonely and unfulfilling as he thought, but how long can it last?
An Emerald In The Sky by @corvuscrowned (6k)
The hardest part about shagging an Unspeakable is that they’re not allowed to speak of anything. All Draco knows is that Harry works in Time. Harry works in Time, and while he’s out there in all of that time, it is as unforgiving to him as it is to anyone. Somewhere along the way, Draco realizes he's been thinking in lines, when he should have been thinking in circles.
Nobody's Ever Died Of A Broken Heart by Frayach (10k)
Harry staggers under a burden of grief, trying both to remember and to forget
There are only two good facts about Harry and Draco's disastrous marriage: it had been relatively short, and they had managed to produce a very lovely child. However, if they don't work together, they just might lose him.
Palace of Eternity by @gracerene (27k)
It had been twelve years, five months, and six days since the last time Harry had laid eyes upon Draco.
Loverboys by @corvuscrowned (84k)
As post-war violence and tensions rise, it seems as if there’s no hope to unify the wizarding world. Except, maybe, a manufactured relationship between resident Saviour Harry Potter and known purveyor of the Dark Arts Draco Malfoy. (The fact that they detest each other is beside the point.) But as Draco’s unrelenting mind games begin to wear him down, Harry has to remind himself that it’s all fake. The relationship is fake. The affection is fake. The pet names, the romance — even the engagement photos are fake. But there’s something in Draco’s kiss that might just be real.
Black Holes and Revelations by @femmequixotic (38k)
What was meant to be an unexpected one-off in the loo of a Camden bar turns into something rather different, much to Harry and Draco's surprise.
Tell Me a Secret by alexmeg (86k)
In which the bond is rooted in their emotions, everything goes even more wrong, and Harry is certain that he and Draco could never feel what the curse wants them to feel for each other. Until Harry does.
Now My Neck Is Open Wide (begging for a fist around it) by LadySlytherin (75k)
Six months post-war, Harry meets Grayson Wenke, a famousv Quidditch player. Harry believes he's found the love of his life, and a Happily Ever After ending suitable for the storybooks. When Grayson slowly goes from Prince Charming to a monster behind closed doors, Harry finds himself trapped, and alone, and fearing for his life. When Harry realizes he's pregnant, the opportunity for escape - and a real Happily Ever After - presents itself as none other than Draco Malfoy. The only question is if Harry is brave enough to take a chance, and strong enough to heal.
The Crane Lord of Gringotts by @vukovich (31k)
Harry is fine. Being an Auror is fine. Living with Ginny is fine. It's all fine. But it used to be a lot better.
Vis-à-Vis-à-Vis by @vukovich (49k)
Harry's assignment was simple. Close out Draco Malfoy's missing persons case so he can be declared dead. But who's making withdrawals from Malfoy's vaults? How is a death omen-turned-Unspeakable involved? Is an organization known as the Moirai to blame? Harry brushes it off until he can't. Until The Prophet is flooded with sightings of dead people. Until Robards throws himself on his sword. Until Ron turns on his own family. Until Harry scarcely trusts his own reflection in the mirror and trusts the stranger in his bed even less. Until all that stands between war and peace is Harry, a name plate, a stadium of murderers, and Draco Malfoy. God save the Ministry.
In His Nature by create_serenity (20k)
Harry agreed to have sex with Draco once a month in order to keep him alive, what he didn’t agree to was Draco popping up all over the place and disrupting his life in more ways than one.
Blood and Fire by @lqtraintracks (44k)
Harry has spent the last twelve years in Romania, not returning to England as often as he knows he should. It's complicated. But when Ginny asks him to be her best man and help her plan her wedding, he can't say no. Having a reckoning with his choices, with himself, won't be easy. To say nothing of seeing Draco again.
9 ½ Days by @magpiefngrl (69k)
After the events at the Manor, Harry and Draco find themselves stranded in the countryside with a broken wand and Death Eaters on their tail. This is the story of an uneasy truce, featuring faerie forests, seaside caves, Romani camps, kind old ladies, and a shared bed in an attic.
Or how two boys fell in love in the midst of a bloody coup.
Consequences of Redemption by bobbirose (120k)
When Draco makes an impromptu decision to rescue Harry Potter from Malfoy Manor, the two find themselves completely alone and facing the looming climax of the war against Voldemort. Harry must start from the beginning with Draco--and starting over has more consequences than either of them anticipated.
Both Hands by @sweet-s0rr0w (10k)
It’s been over a decade since Draco packed up his belongings and left, and Harry’s doing just fine. Really, he is. So when he spots the For Sale sign outside their old flat, he doesn’t think twice about arranging a viewing. Curiosity is only natural, right? And what harm can come from a quick trip down memory lane?
#drarry#drarry fic recs#drarry reclist#drarry fic rec#fic recs#draco malfoy#harry potter#drarry fics#drarry fic#my recs
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from i prevail's album, trauma ( 2019 ). slightly modified to fit dialogue prompts. if it's in parentheses, feel free to omit it.
bow down.
get on your knees & bow down.
i come alive, i'll survive, take on anything.
so paint a target on my back, let 'em come to me.
i'm on another level that you'll never reach.
if you seek forgiveness, you'll get nothing from me.
you will never know, it's the price i pay.
look into my eyes, we are not the same.
i'm in control, & you'll know my name.
i gave my life, gave it everything.
the best of your best ain't good enough.
keep running your mouth, & i'ma call your bluff.
so... i had this dream, it meant everything, & i watched it come alive.
i let you in, underneath my skin, & i learned to love the lies.
now i lay awake & i contemplate... have i become what i hate?
would you go to war? would you die for it?
paranoid.
something isn't right, i feel it in my bones.
every time i look around, it follows me home.
i get so stressed out when my head gets loud.
all this emptiness inside, i can't fill the void in my mind.
sometimes i just wanna die (wish that i could tell you why).
is it all inside my head?
i just can't escape the noise.
i think i'm paranoid.
every time you leave.
all i ever wanted was to find someone.
holding it together is the hardest part.
every time you leave, i lose a little piece of me.
every time we speak, words don't do it justice.
it's just us from here.
finishing the puzzle is the hardest part.
everyday wishin' you could stay, 'cause our minds may change, but our hearts remain.
i can't believe you gotta go away again.
if you ever start to hesitate & you feel the weight, it starts to break.
we're not the same; know that this means everything to me.
no one said life gets in the way.
rise above it.
i've been patiently waiting, tying my stomach in knots.
i've been lost in the moment, going to war with my thoughts.
if you're feeling the pressure, the pressure's all that i got.
so if you think you're ready, i'm here to tell you you're not.
you're in over your head.
i'll be damned if i ever let you get me again.
i will stop at nothing 'cause i was made to rise above it.
one of these days, everyone will know (but for now i stand alone).
i count my enemies like trophies.
i've got nothing left to prove.
when i look at you, all i see are trophies.
i'm not afraid to put it all on the line (like it runs in my veins).
you cannot stop me, so don't even try.
breaking down.
i think... i think too much.
i'm a little bit paranoid.
i think i'm breaking (down).
maybe it's in my blood.
hate every single second, minute, hour, every day.
everybody's out to get you.
every time they ask me, i just tell 'em that i'm fine.
i try to hide my demons, but they only multiply.
everybody fucking hates you.
i say i'm feeling hopeless, but no one's listening.
i don't really like myself.
DOA.
on our knees, we pray as we waste away.
we dig our grave, dead on arrival.
i close my eyes & contemplate on why i chose to be great.
i find myself trying to escape from where i'm supposed to be safe.
maybe i should pray like i'm supposed to be saved.
sometimes i feel like getting even, but i choose to behave.
i'm mentally locked in a prison (& i need bail).
i wish i was more flourished. i wish i had more courage.
i wonder if it's all worth it (i wonder...).
dead is the land of the free.
am i not worth saving?
gasoline.
let's burn it fucking down.
back from the dead to tell you that i'm alive.
killed the old way (but i survived).
fuck the blueprint.
death or exile, you decide.
tell 'em all that i made my name.
now it's mine to send up in flames.
this right here is as far as you go.
this right here is where i lose control.
burn it all down, i don't give a fuck.
fuck what they say, fuck everything.
kill it all (kill everything).
nothing but red inside when i close my eyes.
break or bow down, you decide.
tell 'em all that you can't be saved.
tell 'em all that you dug this grave.
learn to live in this mess you made.
hurricane.
tell me i was never good enough.
remind me of the demons that i've been running from.
tell me who the hell you thought i was.
just blame it on the person, the person i've become.
lately, i don't give a fuck.
i can't be myself when i'm with anyone.
(&) maybe, i'm already gone.
i'll never be the same.
it hit me like a hurricane.
i don't know why i drown my mind (in everything they say).
it got the best of me.
tell me that i'm lost inside my mind.
i reach out, but it's pulling me under.
remind me i've been searching for something i won't find.
tell me i was never worth the time.
just blame it on the person you think i left behind.
look into my eyes.
believe me that the storm is coming.
let me be sad.
i'm holding back right now.
('cause) i'm numb to what's around.
i miss the life i used to have (with you right here).
now everything is turning grey.
i'm blacking out the shades for now.
let me be sad.
let me be sad, even for a little while. just a chance to catch my breath.
let me be sad, even for a little while, 'cause it's all that i have left.
can you see it in my eyes, i've been distant?
i can't tell if it's the end or the beginning.
i know i haven't been myself, i'll admit it.
i put up walls so if i burned any bridges, just know i'm doing everything i can to try & fix it (but knowing me i'll probably miss it).
these voices get so vicious.
feels like i'm ripping stitches.
i wish some days i could go back (before life changed, it was so fast).
that time is gone, & i know that (so please, let me be sad).
when all i see are memories, i don't wanna lose a thing.
low.
i'm so damn low.
i can't lie, i'm falling (the floor gave out again).
the walls are caving in.
i've got these voices in my head.
i don't know why i'm broken.
my world is sinking in.
they tell me that i'm not enough.
is it my time?
even when i'm high, i still feel low.
voices in my head won't leave me alone.
i keep falling.
i'm in over my head again.
i'm on my own, i know it.
i think i'm too far gone to save.
i can't let go. i'm holding, i feel it slip away.
the more they say, the more they cut.
i'm hanging by a thread (don't know if i let go).
i'm doing everything i can to fix the problem.
this is how it feels when you hit rock bottom.
deadweight.
i'm cutting out the deadweight.
let me take a second to get this through to you.
it's time you get put in the rearview.
cut ties, there's nothing left to your lies, i'm seeing right through.
let me lay it out so it's clear for you to see.
i'm done with the ones that don't believe.
i'm cutting out the ones who drag me down.
all this negativity weighing down on me.
admit it's so pathetic to think i'd carry you.
i'd rather watch all the lows you sink to.
now i can see what you're really all about.
turn your back & run your mouth.
i laugh at all the time you wasted.
you're bitter, i can fucking taste it.
so if you think that you can drag me down, it's gonna come back around.
keep it up, motherfucker (i'll cut you out).
i don't belong here.
'cause i don't belong here.
those days, it was all i wanted.
nowadays, it feels all the same.
used to stare at my bedroom ceiling wishing everything would change.
now it's hard when you're always searching for the life that you left behind.
time disappears, year after year.
how the hell did i get here?
i feel so far away.
minutes turn to hours & the hours into days.
i gave up everything.
you don't know what you got until you throw it all away.
looking back on the past, all the time i wasted...
i'm running from everyone that tells me that i'm fading out.
must be mistaken 'cause i don't feel anything.
you know i got this brain, it drives me insane.
some days i feel i can't take the pain.
i can't explain it 'cause i don't need anything.
#inbox prompt#inbox prompts#ask meme#ask memes#ask prompt#rp prompt#rp prompts#inbox memes#rp memes#rp ask meme#sentence starters#roleplay prompts#roleplay prompt#long post#this is one of my favorite bands and favorite albums of all time#and it means very much to me and i thought i'd put the lyrics into a prompt post#mostly for my own benefit but#i also wanted to share#this album is so cathartic and healing imo. like for me personally.#if anyone else enjoys this band or this type of music i hope it heals you too#and provides good content for your writing <3
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part 4 jotaro + anxiety attack (tw: nightmares, implied ptsd, grief, chatacter death but no specifics)
thinking about sleeping with jotaro, wrapped in his arms until he tosses in his sleep. you feel the weight leave your sides and it stirs you awake yourself but what concerns you most is his heavy breathing and sweat rolling down his temples. he's gritting his teeth - his normally peaceful face while asleep replaced with nothing but stress.
you readjust yourself so you can hold his hand, your boyfriend immediately squeezing it as he grinds his molars. after a few moments of trying to stir him awake to only have your hand tightly held, you begin to feel pain seep in from how much force he's using.
"jotaro, please wake up." your voice is weak because of weariness, anxiety, and the pain from his grip and your inability to loosen it. "you're hurting me," his grip loosens there but his eyes remain closed. you use your other hand to gently cup his cheek, rubbing soothingly across his skin. "it's okay jotaro, I'm with you." he inhales, inable to speak despite wanting to reassure you he's fine.
his mind is running rapid with memories of battling dio - the lives lost and cruelties he had to bare witness. jotaro's chest feels impossibly tight, like he can't breath despite audibly gasping.
"honey," you say borderline panicked. remaining calm since you know he needs your help, you continue to stroke his cheek and take his hand again to rub circles on his palm. "breathe in and out. let's do it together?"
jotaro hates this feeling; the feeling of being unable to control himself. he's wanted to be strong for you since the first stand you fought together nearly killed you. but here he is now, unable to stop hyperventilating without you holding his hand and your soothing voice counting to twelve for him.
despite the voice telling him he's being weak, jotaro finds a growing peace in him to combat the overwhelming despair he felt from his dream. your kind voice giving him the strength to walk away from this ledge. you continue to rub circles into his palm while your other hand's still against his cheek, he takes a moment to relish in your touch while shakily stabilizing his breathing.
"I know that what we went through rivaled Hell," you say once he's opened his eyes, those beautiful azure eyes you fell in love with staring up at you, positive he's calmed down enough to take things in. "but no matter what I'm here for you. we didn't survive that emo reject together so you could fight through everything else alone." you lean down to kiss his nose, feeling the residue of his sweat on your forehead. you don't care at all as you're too worried about his well being.
"I love you so much jotaro. you're not alone. whatever you need, I'll try my hardest to provide." You kiss his nose again then say, "you mean everything to me jotaro." next you trial down to kiss his cheek, a bit startled when he pulls you into his chest with a hand on the back of your head.
silence consumes you both but it's not awkward. you hear his breath hitch every so often, making you think he didn't want you to see him cry. you don't blame him, feeling relieved that he's comfortable with you enough to let you aid him when grief overcomes him - even if it's just a little at a time. his voice is the shakiest you're ever heard it as he strokes the hair on your head, trying to calm his building sorrow for a second time.
"stay... please, I can't lose you too."
#jojos bizzare adventure x reader#jojos bizarre adventure#jjba jotaro#jotaro kujo#jotaro x reader#jotaro x you#jotaro x gender neutral reader#angst#jjba angst#jjba x reader#jjba part 4#jjba x y/n#jjba x you#jjba#tw anxiety attack#tw ptsd#tw nightmares#tw character death#jjba blog
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I haven't really had the chance to organize my thoughts and predictions on the finale yet, so I guess I'll just dump them here lmao
I'm still holding out for Eda to use Bat Queen's whistle in the finale, don't know what she would do, but I do think that it would most likely lead to a sacrifice of some sort (or maybe belos eats her and grows to full power again wouldn't that be wild)
I feel like I'm in the minority of people who don't think Luz will permanently move to the demon realm, I feel like it would be easier on Camila (and Vee too let's be honest), if there was just an open portal she could go through at any time. At the very least it's pretty obvious that the portal between the worlds will close forever afterwards, evidently from how much Luz has grown there compared to Earth
Huntlow is definitely of importance to the Belos plotline, they would've just cut it for time if it wasn't. Hunter and Willow are 100% foils to Caleb and Evelyn, and my guess when the gang is confronted by him, he'll see the two protecting each other and have flashbacks to when he killed his brother. My biggest hope for this would be a fully animated flashback, but I guess we'll just have to see
It's pretty evident that Hunter will continue the line of palismen carving, and with the seed Dell gave to Eda, I would almost say that that alludes to a future with Willow where she grows the trees and he carves the wood (definitely reading too much into it lol)
Something I don't think a lot of people have talked about is who will run the isles when Belos is dealt with? Or rather how it will be run. It would make the most sense for one of the CATS to do it (Eda, Raine, and Darius all come to mind first). Oddly specific, but in that context I could see a scene where upon everybody finding out he's a titan, they say that he should be the leader of the BI, but he insists that he isn't fit for the job or something of the likes
I think with the build up to Stringbean, there will be a big fight against Belos in the next episode, considering how well he fought in Hunter's body, who had no natural magic at the time, I think as Raine he'll be even harder to beat. A fight like that alone has me curious as to whether they'll survive or not, but considering the amount of angst between them and Eda I don't think it'll get worse (I am definitely wrong about that). There will definitely be a scene where Eda thinks they're dead though, she'll hold them in their arms and cry or whatever and then they'll have some funny quip, then they'll finally kiss
Part of me feels that Luz will have a last minute moment of doubt when deciding whether or not she'll return to the demon realm at all, which will lead to Camila mentioning the videos that Luz sent her back in S2, I still think they're going to be plot relevant, and will probably be in the last 5 or so minutes of the episode
And that brings me to something mentioned by in a post hoot on Cissy's instagram a little while ago. One of the people there asked someone if they had seen the last four minutes of the episode, and when they said no the other had a clear reaction. The last four minutes will most likely be a time skip, wedding, or maybe some sort of memorial thing for a character who died. I would be willing to bet that those last four minutes were what Sarah was talking about when she said it was the hardest she ever cried.
Sorry this was so long lmao I just wanted to get my thoughts out
#the owl house#toh s3#toh luz#watching and dreaming#for the future#thanks to them#raeda angst#raeda#luz noceda#the owl house eda#huntlow#hunter toh#darius the owl house#raine whispers#toh eda#toh willow#emperor belos#owl house#toh season three#lumity#stringbean toh#flapjack
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fuckin' liar vol 3
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gerard way x reader she/her used use of y/n
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part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4
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masterlist
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warnings: descriptive drug use, angst, needles
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I don't even remember how I got this room, but it's mine for the time being.
This is probably my deathbed. I'm okay with that. Gerard hates me, so do the fans. Finding a drummer is super easy. It's almost as easy as this needle plunging into my knee as I let the high take over me once more at full force. Oh we are so back.
What is that noise? I sit up groggily as I navigate the objects on the bed. Nope, that's my bag. Fuck, what is making that noise?
Oh, of course it's the cellphone. I bring it to my face as I try to read the number that's calling but it's no use. The guys have such similar numbers I wouldn't even be able to tell who it was if my gut didn't tell me. It's obviously Gerard, who else? Now the question is do I ignore it or not?
God, I don't want to talk to him. After what he said? Nope.
As I lay back on the bed, staring up at the cracked ceiling, tears continued to slip down my cheeks. Even through the haze of the drugs, the pain is still there, lurking in the background. I've fucked up big time and there was no taking what I did back. No going back to the first time I tried heroin, no going back to stop myself from getting that first hit. It sucks, I'm going to lose everything I've pushed myself to work hard for.
If I survive this, it's the trust that's gonna be the hardest part.
The phone rings again, and again, and again. It's like it's in my fucking brain. I sigh, swinging my legs off of the bed to see if a shower will calm down my overstimulation. But as soon as the water hits my knee, I double over in pain.
"Fuck!" I scream through my teeth. The area I've been injecting has become infected, but how? I've always cleaned my needles to be sure this didn't happen. But facts don't lie, that shit's infected. But it's okay, I just have to keep it clean and the infection will go away. I'll just switch to the other knee.
Once I'm somewhat clean from the shitty motel shampoo and body wash I step out and wrap myself in a towel, careful not to let the towel swipe the side of my knee. I walk cautiously back to the bed, and the damn phone is still ringing. Could I? Should I?
Fuck.
Grabbing the phone, I flip it open and put the receiver to my ear. "What the fuck do you want?"
"Oh my God, (Y/N). Where the fuck did you go?" Gerard's voice rang from the other line. Of course it was him.
"None of your fucking business," I snap back.
He stayed silent for a second, and I contemplated hanging up, but he spoke up once more. "Fuck, baby. I thought I lost you. Please, where did you go?"
"Away," I say, bluntly. "Don't think I'm coming back. I quit the band."
"You can't fucking quit! YOU started this shit, remember?"
"That was a different me, Gerard," I say, sighing as I pinch the bridge of my nose. "I'm done." I say before hanging up. Within two seconds, it rings again. Nope.
I stare at it as it rings over and over again. He doesn't care, all he wants is to say he helped someone overcome their demons. He doesn't know how good this is for me. By the fifth time it rings, I can't take it anymore, and in a second of anger, I throw the phone at the wall. Nothing happens to it, the ringing continues, but all I can do is fall backward onto the bed and cry. Cry until all I saw was black.
I stay locked in this small, suffocating space, surrounded by nothing but my thoughts, my drugs, and my tears. The world outside feels like it doesn’t exist, and I don’t want to face it. I can’t bear to confront the mess I’ve made of my life. I spend hours on the bed, staring at the walls, lost in my thoughts while the heroin courses through my veins, dulling the ache just enough to keep me going.
But when the high wears off, that emptiness crashes back in, unbearable and suffocating. It’s a cycle I can’t escape, the drugs promising relief but leaving me more hollow than before. I find myself wondering how I let it get this far, trapped in a cycle that feels impossible to break. Each moment stretches into eternity, and the silence of this room becomes a prison, amplifying the chaos in my mind.
Every time I think about Gerard—the hurt in his eyes, the moment he found me shooting up—it feels like a knife to my chest. I want to call him, to tell him I’m sorry, to ask him to come find me, but I can’t. Shame wraps around me like a suffocating blanket, and I’m too lost to reach out. I replay our fight in my mind, the instant he caught me, his words echoing: he couldn’t be around me if I kept using.
I hate myself for pushing him away, for driving him to that point. But at the same time, I don’t know how to stop. I don’t want to stop. The drugs are my escape, my only way to cope with the overwhelming fear and pain that have become my constant companions. Without them, I’m left with nothing but the rawness of my emotions, the crushing weight of reality pressing down on me. I feel trapped, oscillating between the desperate need for his support and the fear of dragging him down with me. It’s a tormenting cycle, and I’m not sure how much longer I can endure it.
By the fifth day in here, I'm out. I have no choice but to sit an deal with the withdrawal. I’ve been rationing my supply, but the days have blurred together, and now I’m left with nothing but the crushing weight of withdrawal creeping in. My body aches, my head throbs, and the nausea is unbearable. I curl up on the bed, trying to ride out the sickness, but it feels like I’m being ripped apart from the inside out.
By the sixth day, the withdrawal symptoms have become too much. I’m shaking, sweating, my mind racing with anxiety and paranoia. I’m a mess, both physically and mentally, trapped in this motel room that has become my prison. I know I need more heroin, but I don’t have the energy to leave the room. I can’t risk running into someone I know.
As I lie curled up on the bed, my body trembling with the chills of withdrawal, I break down. I want to stop. I want to get better. But I don’t know how. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to face the pain without the drugs. Gerard’s voice echoes in my mind, the way he pleaded with me to stop, how he said he couldn’t be around me anymore.
By the seventh day, I’m exhausted—emotionally, mentally, physically. I can’t keep going like this. My body is begging for another hit, but my heart is screaming for help. I need to get out of this motel, out of this dark, suffocating space that has become both my escape and my prison. The fight inside me feels insurmountable, and yet, a small part of me yearns for the strength to break free.
Gerard. My mind keeps going back to him. He doesn't care though, I'm just a junkie to him. A stupid addict who has to depend on fucking heroin to even play a show or function normal, but is this really normal. My eyes go to the phone on the floor from when I threw it a few days ago. Had he left voicemails? Or was he just continuing to call me over and over again.
My thumb flew into my mouth, chewing at the skin already gone in hopes that that would soothe the buzz that wasn't there. There's got to be voicemails on there that he left me. What did he say? Were they bad?
Curiosity got the better of me, and maybe it was time to leave this shit hole.
With trembling hands, I finally pick up my phone, scrolling through the missed calls and messages. There’s one from Gerard, left just an hour ago. His voice comes through, hoarse and broken.
“(Y/N), please, just let me know you’re okay. I don’t care where you are; I just… I just need to know you’re safe. Please.”
Tears well in my eyes as I listen to his message. I hadn’t realized how much I needed to hear his voice, how much I miss him. The fear wraps around me—fear of what will happen if I keep going down this path, fear of what will happen if I stop. But more than anything, I’m terrified of losing Gerard forever.
For the first time in days, hope burns in my chest. Seriously? I don’t know if I’m ready to stop, but I know I can’t keep running. Not from Gerard, not from myself.
With shaking hands, I dial his number, holding my breath as the phone rings, my heart racing with each passing second, waiting for him to pick up.
But he doesn't.
The cold reality of what I’ve become crashes down on me in waves. Gerard leaves me voicemail after voicemail, his voice growing more desperate each time. But by the time I finally call him, his patience has run dry. He doesn’t pick up. He doesn’t text back. I’m left in a void of silence that terrifies me while also offering a strange comfort. He’s pissed—he’s not going to keep playing this game with me.
My return to LA is quieter than I expect. No frantic calls from my bandmates, no texts from my family. It feels like everyone has given up on me, like they’ve let go and left me to drown in my own mess. In a twisted way, I find peace in that. I find my dealer quickly enough, and the familiar routine resumes. My addiction takes over every part of my life—my time, my thoughts, my body. The numbness becomes my normal, the one constant I can rely on.
And that's the scary part.
#mcr#gerard way#my chemical romance#fanfiction#gerard way x reader#my chem#mychemicalromance#frank iero#mikey way#ray toro
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