#AND PUT THE CHEESE AT THE END TO AVOID IT STICKING TO THE POT

[crabussy]

hey. don’t cry. crush four cloves of garlic into a pot with a dollop of olive oil and stir until golden then add one can of crushed tomatoes a bit of balsamic vinegar half a tablespoon of brown sugar and stir for a few minutes adding a handful of fresh spinach until wilted and mix in half a cup of grated parmesan cheese and pasta of your choice ok?

[soracities]

hi sweet baby!! these are for you -> 💐🧋

what’s the recipe for something you love eating to feel nurtured at the moment? do you have a dish that’s a family recipe you’d never give away? and which creature/exhibit is your favourite to visit in an aquarium? 🤍

darling of my life ily 💌🌹💞

1: chickpeas with slow-cooked (but not always) peppers are my absolute beloved..... it's the one thing i can always eat and the one thing all my kitchen staples revolve around (i have never measured of any of this and just go by eye or what i feel so this is a VERY rough estimation but anyway!!):

2 large onions

olive oil

2 or 3 bell peppers (i try to always include a green one bc they're slightly less sweet and add a nice balance to the yellow and red ones)

can of chickpeas

tomato purée

ground ginger

ground garlic

ground cumin

salt

EDIT: forgot to add: dried basil!!

Heat the oil in a small pot. Chop the onions and peppers and add them in that order (shake the pot a little to disperse and/or avoid sticking but don't stir). Let it cook / simmer over a low heat until the the onions are translucent and the peppers have softened slightly (now you can stir). Stir in ground garlic and ginger (measured generously w your heart--that said, ginger should be added in increments bc it adds a nice kick of heat which i love but if you want to be more cautious then just taste as you go along and add accordingly), and a bit of cumin. Stir in the tomato puree (again, i'm a measure by sight gal, but a tablespoon at a time until you get the right taste / colour should do it). Add a little water -- not enough to cover the contents but enough that it combines with the puree to get a thick pasta-sauce consistency. Add salt to taste Increase the heat and cook until all the foam has gone. Add salt to taste Drain your can of chickpeas, rinse them, and add them into the pot at the very end. Turn off the hob and let everything cook with the residual heat and done!!

Best way to eat this in my opinion is by putting spoonfuls while still warm onto toasted bread with goat's cheese 💕

2) not a dish per se but my mother's version of a tomato pesto (which is less to do with not wanting to share it full stop but more with the fact that if shared it has to be shared in person, in the moment, in actually making it (or attempting to lol) with someone ❤️)

3) i haven't been to an aquarium in SO long but i love love LOVE the little seahorses and jellyfish!!! i woulod visit exclusively for them!

[saving-word-crawls]

Among Us Word Crawl

By: Annilucy88

Hi there! Put this together crawl as part of my own NaNoWriMo project for the year, based on the popular multiplayer game Among Us. I hope it helps you to reach your goals. It’s written to be fairly short and with typical gamer humour, so it will include some ribbing and light teasing, please don’t take it personally, it’s just to imitate the normal banter of the game in a well humoured way!

Among Us Crawl, by Enn

Shh…

Let’s start by customizing your character. What sort of name do you pick?

Your actual name, or some variation thereof: not the most creative, huh? Fair enough, write 100 words are your own pace to get your creative juices flowing.

Something edgy, like hacker, imposter, or urmum: aww, hey kiddo! Aren’t you cute? Word war for 5 minutes as you try and pick a fight with someone.

Something silly, funny, or clever, like naming yourself after another player’s colour, or a pun: Nice attempt! Write for 10 minutes at your own speed and feel pleased with yourself for your oh so awesome name choice.

Random spam, or the default Player name: Seriously are you even trying? Attempt a 50 headed hydra to prove you’re not AFK.

Now your colour. Are you:

Red: Aggressive, huh? Go for a 10 minute word war.

Blue: Chill? Or trying to avoid suspicion? Either way, write for 10 minutes at your own pace.

Dark Green: My personal favourite, so you get to pick any of the prompts from the other colours.

Light Green: You’re the high energy sort, huh? Roll 5D20 (online roller is fine) and write that many words while you run around waiting for the game to start.

Pink: The cute and girly option – write something sweet, cute, romantic, or just generally nice into your story, regardless of how long or how many words you take to do it.

Orange: You’re the creative type, I’m guessing. Prove it with a 3-digit challenge.

Yellow: The group’s ray of sunshine. Join a 10 minute word war but take a nice chill pace, so others have a chance to win and share your natural joy.

Black: The tough one, huh? Off you go to feed the word-eater then.

White: Clean and pristine, sprint in silence for as long as you can.

Purple: A cool but creative colour, put on your favourite song and sprint until it’s done.

Brown: Down to earth, plod along with 15 minutes at your own pace.

Cyan: Write 150 words while you clarify in chat that cyan is turquoise.

Whatever default colour you’re given: are you even there? Skip the round.

Time to choose your hat! What do you go for?

Something that connects in some way to your real life, such as a hat you wear as part of your work uniform, or your actual hair style. Insert yourself into your story in some capacity. If you’re already there, do something out of character for yourself in real life.

Something fun, like a party hat, sword, pirate hat, bag, crown, elf hat, halo, stick figure, toilet paper, plunger, balloon, minime, or dum note. Fun it is! Okay, writer – truth or dare? If you pick dare, I dare you to write a streaker into your novel. If you pick truth, have a character reveal a secret.

Something intimidating, like the Jason mask, plague mask, eyestalk, antennae, or ninja mask. Ahh! Scary. Have a character be startled or unnerved.

Something from nature, like the bat hat, cat ears, bat wings, bear ears, sprout, bird’s nest, plant pot, or critter. Write or plan a scene outdoors and end when your characters come inside or take shelter.

Food! Something like the pumpkin, banana, cherry, cheese, or egg. Have your characters make, eat, or share a meal.

Something a bit punky, like the mohawk, devil horns, witches hat, eye patch, steampunk goggles, horns, or Viking hat. Yeaaaaaaaah now we’re partying! Have your characters make or hear music.

Something professional, like a uniform hat, goggles, snorkel, or top hat. Somehow, some way, involve your character’s work.

Something casual, like the beanie, flower band, eyebrows, straw hat, backwards cap, head band, bandana, paper hat, or fez. You’re pretty chill, huh? Write an intense conversation and/or write two or more characters getting drunk or high.

No hat: Well aren’t you boring? Make something explode in your story to compensate.

What about extras? Are you the sort to pay the few bucks to support the developers and show of your swag?

Heck yeah! Bedcrab for me! They’re kinda cute in a terrifying way, huh? Sprint for 5 minutes as you run away from your new companion.

Sign me up for a brainslug! Ew wut? Write for 10 minutes as you try and get used to touching the nasty little thing.

I’ll take the hamster, please. Really? All the space critters and options out there, and you choose a boring old hamster? …wait, what do you mean that’s not actually a hamster? Have your characters discover something unexpected.

I’d love a mini crewmate. Aww, cute! Encourage someone on the nano forums and write as much or as little as you want while you feel good about yourself.

I’m gonna get me a stickmin! Good choice! Introduce a new character even if it’s just a pet or passer-by.

What about the skin? Are you wearing an outfit beyond your hat?

If you don’t, skip this round.

If you fly (astronaut or pilot), write for 15 minutes at a leisurely pace to enjoy the view

If you’re a blue collar worker (plumber or security), write for 20 minutes at a steady pace. You’re the salt of the earth!

If you’re the outdoors sort (ranger or the old dude from Jurassic Park), write briskly for 10 minutes as you enjoy an invigorating walk.

If you’re a cop, have a character eat a donut

If you’re a doctor, have a character give advice

If you’re wearing the business suit, sprint for 5 minutes as you try and wrap up an important call so you can start your game

Are you the one hosting the game? If so, how do you set it up?

Screw that, let’s play! Skip this round.

If you value longer discussion and voting times, spend 15 minutes plotting or checking over your plan, to make sure you’re still on course.

If you set your discussion and/or voting time to 30 seconds or less, sprint for 5 minutes as you vote with your gut.

If you have the imposter faster or with better vision than the players, give your antagonist a win

If you have the crew and imposter as equals in one or both categories, form a reluctant alliance between two or more characters

If you give your players just 1 long task and no more than 5 tasks in total, word war for 10 minutes

If you give your players multiple long tasks or up to 10 tasks in total, write at your own pace for 15 minutes

If you give your players multiple long tasks and MORE than 10 tasks in total, sprint for 30 minutes as you try and get it all done

Finally, we’re on to play style. But first, are you a crewmate, or an imposter? Roll a D10 (online is fine) – if you roll a 10, you’re the imposter. Anything else, you’re the crew this time.

If you’re crew, how do you survive and sus out the imposter? Do all that apply to you.

Immediately buddy up with someone and travel in a pair or group. Sprint with a friend for 5 minutes

Camp in security or admin and watch for suspicious behaviour on the monitors. Write for 10 minutes as you study the monitors

Get on with your tasks and see what happens. Take a prompt from the nanoboards or a random generator of your choosing and work it into your story.

Patrol the area, checking the rooms. Find and watch an education video about something you need to research in your novel, or have a character patrol if no work needs doing.

Meh, whatever, you’re probably just running in circles in the cafe, calling meetings to say hi to your new friends. Skip this round and go socialise for a bit.

Time to vote! How do you tend to do it?

You’re quick to give names of people you think might be sus, even if you’re not sure, and vote aggressively. Sprint for 5 minutes as you rush to make your decision.

You’re level-headed, giving information but making it clear how confident you are, but overall going with your gut. Write for 15 minutes as you weigh all of the pros and cons.

You wait for someone else to accuse, then vote for whoever they name without question. Ask a mate to give you a crawl challenge such as a sprint, crawl, or word count to hit. Do whatever challenge they give you.

You question everything, and skip if you’re not absolutely sure about your choice. Write for 10 minutes but go slow and really make sure those words are perfect. Edit as you go. See how you like it.

You vote randomly. Fair enough. Randomly generate a number between 1 and 1,000. Write that many words.

If you’re the imposter , how do you get away with murder? Do all that apply to you.

Feign tasks, watching the bar to time your movements to make it look like you’re being productive. Complete 3 5 minute sprints as you dash from job to job.

Buddy up with someone and ‘accidentally’ give them the slip. Have a character act suspicious.

Rely on the vents, camping, and stealth. Write for 15 minutes at a casual pace as you wait for the perfect moment to strike.

Just go for it. Casual run-by murder and hope you don’t get caught on cam. Hey, it works if you’re clever. Sprint for 10 minutes and try not to get caught.

Murder, self-report, repeat. Fair enough. Have a character tell a lie.

Focus on sabotage, and wait for them to slip up and run out of o2. Does that ever work? Do 5 x 1 minute sprints as you keep trying to kill them that way.

Don’t even try, and let them win. Word war for 10 minutes but don’t write more than 200 words.

Voting time! How do you avoid suspicion?

Quickly blame other players and hope no one catches wise. Attempt a 50 headed hydra as you try and bluff your way through.

Stay chill and go with the group, try not to stand out too much. Word war 10 minutes at your own pace. They’ll never suspect you.

Wait for others to start making accusations, and question everything so it looks like you’re doing a thorough job. Skip if you don’t have a reason to vote someone else out, and try not to ruffle feathers. Write for 15 minutes at your own pace.

Vote randomly and don’t engage much. Randomly generate a number between 1 and 1,000, and write that many words.

Congratulations, you won! Good game. Again?

[kimberlaylk]

Essential Kitchen Accessories for Organisation and Effortless Cooking

Every home cook’s ideal kitchen is one that is well-equipped. Find out about a curated list of kitchen accessories that will improve your cooking and keep your area orderly. These essential items, which range from multifunctional utensils to cutting-edge storage options, can increase productivity and advance your culinary abilities.

Silicone Spatula Set with Multiple Uses: Put an end to pan scratches! For scraping, stirring, and flipping, these heat-resistant spatulas are ideal. Their non-stick construction guarantees simple food release and quick cleanup.

Kitchen knife: Every kitchen needs a chef’s knife of exceptional quality. Purchase a strong, balanced knife that enables accurate cutting and chopping to make meal preparation simple.

Choose a set of cutting boards with a range of sizes and materials. To avoid cross-contamination and maintain organization in your kitchen, use color-coded boards.

Mixing bowls made of stainless steel is excellent for mixing, marinating, and serving. They are necessary for any recipe due to their sturdy design and non-slip bases.

Cups and Spoons for Measuring: A dependable set of measuring cups and spoons can help you take precise measurements. Look for solutions that are long-lasting, simple to read, and include both standard and metric measurements.

Invest in a high-quality non-stick set to upgrade your cookware collection. Cooking and cleaning are a cinch with these pans and pots because they guarantee even heat distribution and simple food release.

Instant-Read Thermometer: Use an instant-read thermometer to perfectly cook meat and baked items. Get accurate temperature measurements to prevent over- or undercooking your food.

Slow Cooker: A programmable slow cooker will help you save time and effort. As you go about your day, tenderize the meat and make tasty stews and soups.

Organizer for a spice rack: With a spice rack organizer, you can keep your spices conveniently organized and reachable. Delete the habit of sifting through messy cabinets to get the correct spice.

With a set of airtight food storage containers, you can extend the shelf life of your ingredients and leftovers. To maximize space efficiency, look for choices that can be stacked.

Blender: A strong blender is a multipurpose kitchen tool that may be used to make soups and smoothies. For flawless blending, spend money on a blender with adjustable speeds and tough blades.

Handheld Mixer: Use a handheld mixer to whip up delectable batters and airy creams. The convenience of its small size and ease of movement make it a preferred tool for bakers.

Oven mitts and pot holders: Use heat-resistant oven mitts and pot holders to shield your hands from burns. For added safety, look for ones with non-slip grips.

Using a grater and zester, you may enhance your food with freshly grated cheese, citrus zest, and other ingredients. Every kitchen should have a sharp grater and zester.

Can Opener: Pick a reliable can opener that opens cans of all sizes with ease. For greater convenience, search for a model with a built-in bottle opener.

Kitchen scale: Baking requires precise measures. A digital kitchen scale enables accurate ingredient weighing, producing reliable and delectable results.

A collapsible colander might help you free up cupboard space in your kitchen. Its adaptable shape makes it possible to store pasta, veggies, and other items easily and drain them effectively.

Herb Scissors: Use these to make chopping fresh herbs more straightforward. Their several blades quickly chop up herbs, cutting down on prep time and improving flavor.

Vegetable Spiralizer: Make colorful noodles out of veggies to add creativity to your meals.

For outdoor cooking and partying, modular outdoor kitchens provide a flexible and adaptable option. These prefabricated pieces may be customized to fit any outdoor space and are simple to assemble. Homeowners can design their own outdoor kitchen arrangement with the many accessible modules, which include grills, sinks, countertops, and storage units. Future additions or reconfigurations in response to changing needs are also possible with the modular architecture. Take advantage of the versatility and convenience of a modular outdoor kitchen.

SOURCE: https://bit.ly/3B5K4UO

[shiftylookingcrow]

A (not comprehensive) List of Little Self Care Things I Do When Everything Feels Like Too Much:

Bathing

Wash just your body, or just your hair. You may not be completely clean, but you ARE cleaner

Still feels like too much? No problem!

Take off any jewelry from your hands/wrists and wash your hands up to your elbows, just taking your time

Then wash your arm pits and groin, those are the stinkiest parts of the body

If you're feeling up to it, wash your face too

Once you're done washing, take your favorite body lotion and massage it in anywhere you washed

Shaving

Shaving takes time and patience (especially if you prefer to be mostly hairless), but you don't have to go through the whole process every time

Wanna wear that cute tank top/crop top but don't feel comfortable with how hairy your pits are today?

JUST shave your arm pits then

Wanna wear shorts/capries/a skirt, but feel your legs are too fuzzy?

Where on your legs do the cuffs/hem sit? JUST shave from there down

Facial hair looking kinda scruffy? Got an electric shaver? It won't give you as close a shave as a razor, but it'll help neaten you up a bit

After any shaving, get back in there with your lotion and work it in well

Laundry

Don't have the energy to drag that big basket you've been avoiding down to the washing machine? Out of clothes but need something to wear tomorrow?

Wash ONLY what you'll need for the next 1 or 2 days. A smaller load means less to put away after

Need a bra/binder/mask/etc for tomorrow? Wash ONE, then hang it to dry with a fan blowing on it.

The air movement will help it dry faster, and while it may not be 100% dry by morning, it should be dry enough to wear comfortably

This can be done for underwear and socks as well

Dental

Mouth feeling like sandpaper, but you still can't find it in you to go through the whole tooth care routine?

JUST brush your teeth before bed. You can floss in the morning

No energy to get in there and really scrub like your dentist told you to? Even just a quick scrub is better than nothing

You know those little Gum brand toothpick things? With runber bristles on them? They can't replace proper flossing, but the CAN at least get the worst of the gunk from between your teeth

Food

Hungry but can't bring yourself to put together a whole meal? That's okay!

Get all the fixings for a sandwich (bread, spreads, cheese, meat, etc), put them on a plate and eat that. You're still eating a sandwich, it's just not an assembled sandwich

Want a smoothy, but don't want to fuss with the blender? Put it all together as a yogurt bowl instead

Want a salad? Grab a couple lettuce leaves, a stick of celery, half a tomato, or whatever else you'd have in there, and toss it on a plate. Grab some dressing (or not) and you've got a personal size veggie platter

Cut an orange in half and eat the pulp out with a spoon

Cut an apple in half, and eat JUST one half. You can save the other half for later, or eat it right after the first if you feel up to it

Cutting a banana in half and squeezing out the fruit means you don't have to worry about those gross stringy bits

Simple Smoothie Recipe:

1 banana

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp honey/sugar

Milk (dairy, soy, almond, whichever)

Berries, yogurt, chocolate chips, jam (optional)

Directions

Put all ingredients except milk in a blender (or 4 cup measure if using a hand mixer)

Pour in milk until ingredients are ALMOST covered. There should be about 1 inch/2.5 cm of solid ingredients visible

Blender/mix for 30-60 seconds, or until desired consistency. Pour into your favorite glass, or drink straight from the container

Simple baked potato:

Clean a medium to large potato and use a fork to stab holes down the sides and at each end. Depending on the size, you should have stab your potato somewhere around 9-12 times.

Place the potato in the microwave just off of center, one end facing the center of the spinning plate

Microwave for 15 minutes, flipping the potato end for end after every 5 minutes

Put the potato on a plate with some sour cream or ranch dressing, and dip it like a big ol' french fry

House Cleaning

Feel like there's too many dishes? Pick ONE place setting (bowl, plate, knife, fork, spoon, cup), and ONE pot/pan, and clean those. Do the same at the end of each meal, and while it might take a while, you'll eventually get things down to a manageable level

Dust bunnies breeding in the corners? Pick ONE room or hallway every couple days and just clean there. ONE clean room is better than NO clean rooms

Your room is so messy you don't know where to start? Every time you enter your room, put ONE thing back where it belongs. Every time you leave your room, take one thing that doesn't belong out with you and put it where it belongs.

Sink looking kind of gross? Give it a quick wipe down the next time you wash your hands

Toilet needs a clean? Pick a part (lid, seat, back or bowl) and just clean that bit. Even if you're just wiping some of the dust off the back.

Scum ring building up in the shower/bathtub? Give it a quick scrub next time you bathe. Maybe you don't get the whole thing, but you DID make a start.

Fitness

No energy for a full walk? If you can, walk around your house/apartment building. You might not have gone far, but you were UP and you were OUTSIDE.

Can't get out for whatever reason? Are there stairs in your house? In your apartment building? If you can, walk up and down those a few times.

Not really able to do stairs? Do some simple stretches instead.

Reach down and try to touch your toes, holding for 20 seconds. Reach up over your head as high as you can, holding for 20 seconds. Repeat 5 times

Sitting in a chair, reach your right hand across your body and over your left shoulder and try to grab the back of the chair without lifting your butt. Hold for 20 seconds. Do the same with your left arm, holding for 20 seconds. Repeat 5 times

Standing, or sitting on a chair, gently pull your head towards your shoulder (right hand, right shoulder; left hand, left shoulder), reaching the other hand down towards the ground. Hold for 20 seconds, then gently push your head upright again (lifting your head with just your neck muscles can cause them to seize after a stretch). Repeat 5 times

Miscellaneous

Need to trim your nails, but don't feel like sitting through both hands? Pick one finger on each hand, and just trim that nail. Do another nail on each hand tomorrow, and another the day after that. You don't have to do them all at once

Having trouble remembering to drink enough water? Find a water bottle/mug/glass that you like and try to keep it near you as much as possible. I find actually having a bottle with me helps me remember to keep sipping.

Still having trouble with your water intake? Fruit and veggies (specifically like apples, oranges, tomatoes, bell peppers and avocados to name a few) have high water content and can help keep you hydrated

Even if you can't get to sleep, lieing in bed with your eyes closed is more restful than trying to wear yourself out by reading or something

Alternatively, doing some mild stretches, or a few sit ups/push ups/jumping jacks can help wear you out without engaging your brain too much

You are aloud to say "no". You don't even need to give a reason. If everything feels like too much, taking on more responsibility will only make it worse, which will only make your output poorer as a result.

A reminder that this is by no means a complete list, just some things I've found helpful in my journey through adhd, depression, and anxiety. Not all tasks need to be done all at once. Maybe you can't do much, but that doesn't invalidate the some you did. Just because you take longer to do a task doesn't mean your bad at it, or that it isn't worth doing. You'll get there when you get there.

Please feel free to add to this post, I'd love to see what self care tricks other people are using!

[nah-she-didnt]

A Home Cooked Meal

Now on AO3!! 

--------

Lily was in trouble.

She’d tried everything. She’d used muggle pregnancy tests, downed a magical pregnancy detector potion, and even read books about how a normal, healthy, not-pregnant nineteen year old could miss her period for two months in a row. But it was no good. Lily was nineteen, a full-time soldier in the Order of the Phoenix, and pregnant.

She had so far avoided telling her sweet, sensitive, nineteen year old boyfriend about her pregnancy. After all, life was hard enough these days without having a baby dropped in your lap. Lily reckoned it would be kinder to refrain from telling James about the baby for the next seven months, then one day give him the surprise of a lifetime. Yes, Lily thought, seven precious months of sanity before ruining his life was a foolproof plan.

Lily tried desperately to shove all thoughts of her pregnancy aside as she tried to focus on the present moment. She, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter sat in the living room of another Order member, sipping tea and snacking on biscuits. However, at that precise moment, Lily felt so nauseated that she wondered if it was possible to die from pregnancy hormones. 

Lily was quite sure that Arthur Weasley had been bulled into inviting the five of them over by his wife, Molly, after the last Order meeting when Sirius mentioned that the they had all been too busy with missions to cook for themselves for the last few months. As soon as Molly heard that the teenagers had been subsisting on nothing more than takeaway and cheese on toast she insisted that they all join her and Arthur for a home cooked meal.

Mrs. Weasley bustled around them now, offering them more tea and insisting that they call her “Molly.” She was an outgoing woman with a kind, round face and more energy than Lily had ever had in her life. How else could she take care of five little boys and another on the way?

“Now, I’m going to pop back into the kitchen and finish dinner. Arthur should be home from guard duty any moment now, so you all just relax and enjoy yourselves!” Mrs. Weasley beamed at them all, then slipped from the room.

Lily sat back in her seat on the couch and looked around, trying not to think about how sick she felt. The house was warm and inviting, but chaotic. Children’s toys littered the ground, and Lily was certain that the Weasleys had at least twelve small red-haired children running about the house. She had not remembered any of their names, but they all seemed to be full of reckless energy and looked exactly the same. This is my future, Lily thought to herself dejectedly as she watched one of the older boys, Will or Hermes or whatever his name was, sprint around the living room on a toy racing broom, cackling wildly.

Sirius seemed completely at ease with the children. He lay flat on his back with his arms sticking straight up in the air, holding one of the smaller boys under the armpits. The boy shrieked with delight as Sirius swung him from left to right and narrated a fictitious quidditch match in an affected announcer’s voice.

“And that’s Langley with the quaffle, Langley flies left, dodges Ghulam, rolls to miss a bludger from Bagman, feints right, shoots, LANGLEY SCOOOOOORES!”    

When Langley scored, Sirius swooped the child in a full circle above his own head, finally pausing when the boy was completely upside down and giggling madly. James watched Sirius with polite interest, though he clearly felt awkward around the small Weasley children.

“Blimey, Sirius, it’s too bad you played beater instead of commentating at school. I might have been able to find a beater who could actually fly.”

“You’re just jealous that you can’t chase as well as Langley does in my reenactment,” said Sirius with an easy smile, setting the child back on the ground. The boy clapped his hands together and screamed “Again! Again!”

Sirius obliged, grabbing the child this time by his ankles and swinging him through the air.

“Are you alright Lily?” Peter asked nervously, “you’re looking a little green.” 

“What? Oh, yes, fine,” said Lily distractedly. She purposefully avoided James’ gaze. 

Finally, the child called Fred seemed to tire of the quidditch match, and toddled off to play with his brother “Geowge.” Sirius lounged against the parlor table and popped a piece of Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum into his mouth. 

“Blimey, I didn’t realize we were in the presence of Mary-bloody-Poppins over her.” 

“Don’t be grumpy because I’m good with kids and you aren’t!” Sirius exclaimed before blowing a large bubble that burst with a soft pop!

“Who says I’m bad with kids? Kids love me!” cried James, whipping around to look at Lily, Remus, and Peter for support. They all pointedly averted their eyes. 

Pop!

“Remus! What about that time I visited your house in Wales and there was that little muggle boy who lost his mum in the market? I was good with him! He got back to her safe and sound.” James pleaded.

“Yes... but you did ask him he’d kidnapped stolen by hinkypunks.”

James threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. “Oh come on! In Benny And The Hinkypunk the little boy gets kidnapped by hinkypunks, but he’s alright in the end! My mum told me that story all the time when I was a kid and I loved it. I was trying to cheer him up!”

“Yes, James, but he was a muggle,” said Remus patiently, “so all he knew was that a strange man was asking him if he’d been kidnapped!”

“Alright. Fair enough. But kids love me. Kids love me, don’t they Lily?”

Lily nearly spat her tea into her lap. “Pardon?”

“You think kids love me, right? I’m fun! I play quidditch! I own nearly every Zonko’s product!”

“Oh, right, yes James, I’m sure kids would...would love you.” Lily looked away quickly, trying to hide the tears that had begun to form in her eyes. Yes, she thought, James’ children would probably love him dearly. He’d be an incredible father, the perfect combination of jokester and role model. On the other hand, she couldn’t picture herself as a mother no matter how hard she tried. 

Pop!

“Sirius, if you don’t stop blowing bubbles, I’m going to murder you,” Peter moaned. 

“Can’t, shan’t.” Pop!   

Lily stood up suddenly. “I’m going to see if Mrs. Weasley needs any help in the kitchen.” 

“Oi, Pete, you go too,” said Sirius lazily from his spot on the floor, “make us look good.” 

“Stop blowing that stupid gum and go yourself!” Peter replied, chucking a small pillow from the couch at Sirius’ head.

Pop!

Lily walked away from the sounds of Sirius and Peter bickering and towards the kitchen. She knew she had never been in a house like this before. Every square inch was accounted for. Even the slats in the ceiling and the ledge over the doorways were built for extra storage. With five children, Lily thought, they  must need all the storage they could manage. 

Lily often thought that as a muggle born she could tell when a place felt overwhelmingly magical in a way that her friends who grew up around magic could not. The house seemed to positively radiate with warmth, comfort and magic. It must be a wonderful place to have a childhood.

Lily paused awkwardly in the doorway to the kitchen. Mrs. Weasley had her back to Lily as she stirred a pot of something that smelled delightful on the stove. Lily, not wanting to scare Mrs. Weasley, coughed quietly to make her presence known. 

Molly looked around and smiled warmly at Lily.“Oh, hello dear, do you all need anything before dinner?”

“Uh, no thank you, Mrs. Weasley,” Lily said as cheerfully as she could muster. She tried hard not to regard Mrs. Weasley’s significant bump underneath her apron. Lily didn’t know much about pregnancy, but she knew that Mrs. Weasley must be far along indeed. 

“Are you sure? I could make you a cup of ginger tea if you like.” Mrs. Weasley’s tone was casual, but Lily could just barely make out a knowing look in her eyes. 

“Yes, that sounds lovely, thank you,” Lily said nervously. Mrs. Weasley couldn’t possibly know, could she? Perhaps women who’d been pregnant before, especially women on their sixth pregnancy at least, had some sort of special pregnancy powers. No, that was silly, she was just being paranoid. 

“Here you are, dear,” Mrs. Weasley said as she placed a piping hot cup of tea in front of Lily, “I added in a slice of lemon. I always say, a lemon is just the trick for when you’re...not feeling your best.” 

Lily’s heart sunk. “How did you know?” she asked desperately, feeling close to tears.

“Know what?” Mrs. Weasley asked innocently, “I’m sure I don’t know--”

“You do. You know, and soon everyone will know because I won’t be able to hide it.” Lily sunk into one of the kitchen chairs and put her face in her hands. 

Mrs. Weasley was silent for a moment, then said “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I simply guessed, that’s all, and I never meant to let you know that I had. You’re glowing, my dear, but you still look miserable. I’ve only felt that way a few times in my life, and they all resulted in the boys that fill this house.”

Lily nodded, sniffing loudly. “I’m trying to hard to keep it together, but I just can’t hide. I feel awful all the time, and I know most of it is morning sickness but there’s also this huge weight in my heart and I can’t do anything to--to fix it.”

Mrs. Weasley nodded sympathetically. “I know just how you feel. I just saw you looking so miserable in there, and I remember how awful I felt every time I was in my first few weeks. A cup of ginger tea with lemon always soothed my stomach, so I thought it would help, but I see I’ve only made things worse.” 

Lily sighed into her hands, then dropped them to look at Mrs. Weasley. “You haven’t. Actually,” she said, realizing for the first time that it was true, “I’m relieved someone else knows. I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell anyone else.” 

Mrs. Weasley covered Lily’s hand with her own and stroked it with her thumb. “It’s going to be alright. Whatever happens, you’ll see, it’s going to be alright.” 

“It’s not,” whispered Lily, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m a muggleborn. James and I swore we’d fight this war until it was finished. I can’t bring a baby into this mess? The baby of a mudblood and a blood traitor! How could I do that to an innocent child?” She was really sobbing now, and gratefully accepted the handkerchief that Mrs. Weasley produced from her apron pocket. 

“Now, you listen to me,” said Mrs. Weasley soothingly, but with authority, “you are the only one in the world who knows what’s best for you. You’ll be able to make the right decision, and if you raise a baby in this mess that baby will be the luckiest child in the world because it will have you for a mother.” 

Lily gave a forced chuckle. “It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like I’ve just doomed this baby, James, and myself all in one go.” She looked up into Mrs. Weasley’s concerned face. “But thank you for saying that. It’s nice to know that someone with so much mothering experience doesn’t think I’ll muck it all up.” 

Mrs. Weasley smiled at her. “Never, dear. You’ll be wonderful. Plus, I’ll be here to help,” she laid a hand across her round stomach, “you won’t be the only one dealing with the hormones and mood swings, will you?” 

Lily smiled. She was starting to feel a bit better. After all, Mrs. Weasley didn’t think she was a terrible person. She didn’t think that Lily had doomed James to a life of misery. Her heart sank again. James.

“I can’t tell him,” Lily said, shaking her head, “I can’t tell him. We’re so young. We haven’t even talked about marriage. How am I going to tell him that he’s going to be a dad?” 

“Surely you could tell him, couldn’t you?” Asked Mrs. Weasley kindly, “That boy is simply mad about you, everyone can see it. He’d follow you to the ends of the earth.” 

Lily laughed at this. It was true, James had told her as much himself. And she would do the same for him. 

“He’d be a wonderful dad. He’s just so young still, so...”

“Immature?” Mrs. Weasley said cheekily.

“Well, he’s more mature than most, but he’s nineteen years old! This should be the time that he has fun, not gets saddled with a baby.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, dear, but no one is able to have much fun these days,” Mrs. Weasley smiled sadly, “it’s times like these that people realize the most important things in life. Love. Family. A purpose beyond yourself.” 

That was true. It’s not as if a baby would interrupt James’ wild youth. This war had forced them all to grow up too quickly. James and Lily spent nearly all their time these days on the order, fighting for something bigger than themselves. James had already willingly taken on that responsibility, perhaps he would be ready to take on another. 

“I really think you should tell him, Lily. Give him the chance to react, then decide what you’re going to do together. Who knows, he might surprise you by being more mature than you think--”

At that moment, there was a loud howl from the next room like a wounded animal. Remus came bolting into the kitchen, then, upon seeing the two women sitting and talking, stopped suddenly. He tried to arrange his face into a calm expression then asked, “um, pardon me, Mrs.--uh--Molly, would you by chance know how to get--uh--chewing gum out of someone’s hair?”

Suddenly James came hurdling into the kitchen too, supporting a limp and partially-blind Sirius with him. Sirius had been rendered partially-blind by the infamous piece of chewing gum that was currently stretched across his face, held in front of his eyes by the bits of wavy hair that framed his face.

“MOLLY!” he screamed, clutching at the air in front of him in panic, “HELP ME! MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!” 

“There was, um, an incident in the living room,” James snickered. He was clearly trying, and failing miserably, to keep his shoulders from shaking with laughter at his best friend’s misfortune. “Peter here--”

“I told him to stop blowing those stupid bubbles!” Peter cried indignantly. “I told him! I don’t regret it in the slightest.” 

“Because of you engorging my bubble my hair is ruined!” Sirius tried to swipe for Peter with his outstretched arm, but caught Remus by mistake. “Ouch!” “Ooh, sorry Remus, love! I was trying to catch a rat.” 

“Boys, boys!” Mrs. Weasley shouted, getting to her feet. “I have five children, I am perfectly capable of removing chewing gum from hair without any lasting damage.

“You promise?” sniffed Sirius, who was gently caressing his affected locks. 

“I promise. Now, everyone, stand back and go into the other room. I need room to work...” 

Lily, James, Remus, and Peter all trudged into the next room. 

“Nice one, Pete,” said James, still laughing. 

“Oh he can bugger off, the dramatic git,” said Peter, though he was smiling too, “his hair will be fine.”

“It better be. How will he react when he finds out I’m only with him for his thick, luscious locks?” laughed Remus. 

“Hey,” James said to Lily, bumping her shoulder with his, “you’re quiet. Was the great gum-hair incident of 1979 not entertaining enough for you?” 

“No, of course it was,” Lily forced herself to smile, “I’m just taking it in. It’ll be quite a shock at first, but I suppose I can get used to a bald Sirius Black. Let’s just hope his skull is a normal shape.”

“Precisely!” cried James, “ We’ll just have to let him know that we love him no matter what, right?”

“Right,” said Lily weakly. God, he would be a fantastic dad. 

A few minutes later, Sirius and Mrs. Weasley re-entered the living room, Sirius’ hair gum-free and unaffected. He shot a dirty look at Peter. 

“I’m going to get you back for that.” 

Peter shrugged. “I’m sure you will. Now, Molly, can we help at all with dinner?” 

“No, no, you all just stay here and try not to cause any more trouble. I have enough to worry about with my children running about, I don’t need four more!” 

“Four? What about Lily!” cried Sirius indignantly. 

“Oh, I think Lily has wisdom beyond all your years,” Molly said, winking at Lily. “Arthur will be back soon, then we can sit down to eat.” And with that, Mrs. Weasley disappeared again into the kitchen. 

“Wow, you two really must have bonded in there,” James said with an impressed tone. “What did you talk about?”

“Oh, you know, girly stuff, you wouldn’t be interested.”

“I beg to differ! I love girly stuff I’ll have you know.” James said with mock indignance.

“Girly magazines don’t count, dolt.” 

“Ha ha ha,” James laughed sarcastically, “just you wait, Evans. One day you’ll realize there’s much more to me than meets the eye.” 

Lily looked at James out of the corner of her eye. James, who had protected Remus and kept his secret for years. James, who had taken Sirius in when he ran away from home. James, who watched out for Peter and stopped Sirius from picking on him too much, because that’s just who he was. He would always look out for those who needed him. And she needed him now more than ever. 

“Maybe you’re right.” Lily smiled. 

Somehow, she thought that maybe this would work. 

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

@grandmacookie69​ reblogged your post “beyoncescock: theres too many i cant name just...”

#food #no but actual advice to make rice taste good? #because its not my mums s strong point

mmm i preface this by saying i’m not asian but italian, so i’m more of an expert on risotto than other kinds of rice dishes, but roughly speaking the idea is this:

if you’re NOT making risotto but you want something more like fried rice, take the rice (yes there are multiple types but for the purposes of this let’s say any rice works especially if you don’t have access to many varieties) and rinse it (especially if medium or short grain, rinse that very well) and put it in a nonstick pot with a bit of oil, some salt and the amount of water it needs to cook while completely absorbing the water (start with little, you can add but you can’t take away, technically this is not the proper way but shh). You can use stock, especially chicken broth, instead of water to make it tastier. Once it’s cooked, let it cool down (technically the best option would be using rice cooked the day before and let in the fridge to rest, but that’s not necessary). In the meanwhile prepare whatever ingredients you want to mix with the rice, like vegetables, shrimps, ham, whatever. Season those as you like, don’t be stingy with oil. Then add the rice, and if you want crack in an egg, mix everything well. (You can also not add anything and just use the rice as accompaniment of course.)

now risotto:

take a large nonstick pan, heat up a little oil, then add the rice and let it get hot and slightly golden (keep the flame high) moving it around with a wooden spoon, once it’s hot add some white wine, always on high flame. the wine is necessary, it gives the right texture! once the wine has been fully absorbed, add stock (vegetable, chicken, beef, any you want) and let it cook, adding liquid as necessary, until the rice is cooked. when it’s cooked (leave it a little humid, don’t let it dry up completely) add either butter and grated parmesan (basic) or other ingredients, like a soft cheese (robiola, or gorgonzola if you like it, etc) and grated parmesan.

if you want to make risotto with vegetables or minced meat, add them at the beginning with the rice (i suggest making the rice brown first so the meat or vegetable don’t burn or stick to the pot while the rice heats up).

my favorites are minced beef and saffron (beef at the beginning, saffron at the end, when the rice is cooked but still quite humid - it still needs butter and grated parmesan at the end), radicchio and robiola (radicchio at the beginning, robiola at the end), beans (azuki or borlotti) and tomato sauce (beans the beginning, tomato sauce at the end). but you can do whatever you want :p

now, it’s gonna give most asian people an aneurym but it is possible to boil rice as it was pasta, using a lot of water and draining when it’s done. the trick here is to use a variety of rice that won’t fall apart and get mushy and disgusting. risotto varieties should be alright. avoid if the grain is very short. remember to salt the water! you can season it as it was pasta - butter and grated parmesan being the most basic and then going up. you can also rinse the cooked rice in cold water to cool it down, and make a rice salad like you would do a pasta salad. not my favorite although my family loves it in the summer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[emj-tolj]

Bringing a World of Adventure Hunting in to Your Home

Not everyone is not living in a position to wander the woods, desert, beach or ruins. I had that situation at one point in my life. And yes its depressing. And when you read others doing all these things its can really get to you. However there are a huge number of things yo CAN do to counteract the depression. Lets visit a good many of these things:

1) Everyone’s first Go-to is Roleplaying. Be its table-top or online. But not all Online games bring out the true desire to adventure, as they are limited to telling a specific story. As such I suggest avoiding using game maps and make you own real maps. Right down and study any runes in the game, study the magic tech in the game, write side stories of your character that can not be done in game. Create a history to the character you made. Some games are limited what you character looks like. Draw your own character and hang it by your game station.

2) If you have adventure wear, wear it about the house/apartment. Does not have to be all of it. Boots, a shirt, a vest, tunic, wristbands, cloak 

3) If you  have the money and talent turn kitchen into a tavern or saloon, line shelfs with bottles and plates and other tavern/saloon wear. Avoid cheese props. Study movie sets and get ideas from that. 

4) Likewise turn your bedroom into an Inn room. Go ristic and simple with natural colors and materials

5) Burn in a cauldron or censor wood chips, herbs and incense, 

6) Hang posters of nature about the walls in natural wood frames. If you can obtain some old wood window frames, you that as your poster frames. If possible find images of nature on line and print them out. Try to make all the images co-inside, so its looks like you are looking out into the same view. Change the posters with the seasons if possible 

7) Place realistic life-size animals about your home: Snake, turtle, mice, birds, chipmunks, insects. If you have a ficus tree or a cluster of plants, place a birds nest with eggs in it

8) Play sound effects and ambient sounds in the house. Youtibe and other sites have a plethora of ambiance and sounds from cave to camp sites, tavern sounds, market squares, pirate ships, forests 

9) Add a fountain/s in your home. Fountain pumps can be bought anywhere these days, 

10) Terrariums! Make them and add them to your home. Even of the plants are fake 

11) Aquariums! If your adventurous aestheic love is the see or any water setting like ponds, these are fantastic to have. And do not limit yourself to just fish: Crabs, snails, turtles, frogs, lizards, snakes. Even if you are not allowed to have pes, build an aquarium anywhere. The flow of the water from the filtar moving the plants can lend to the imagination  

12) Wood, tin and copper and wrought iron objects 

13) Leather bound books. Line a shelf with them, 

14) Candles and lanterns. Some people can not have things where they live for safety mode. Even if you never burn them, have a cluster of candles anyway. Just the look of lanterns and candles plays with the mind. You can also invest in battery ones but I think they are silly looking

15) Bowls of fruit: Wood bowls and real fruits and nuts about the house. 

16) Seasonal and year round garlands and wreaths about the house. Clusters of ferns. If you do not have a green thumb, go fake if need be. Ferns and spider plans are my fave. 

17) Drift wood and moss covered wood. 

18) If you have your own Adventure clothes and gear do not bury it in a closet. Get a mannequin and display it, 

19) Fur, leather, blankets, wool, sheepskin throws and pillows.

20) Banners and tapestries 

21) Invest in a couple of mortar & pestle sets, one for the kitchen and one for the bathroom is you have the room. (Confession: I collect them) 

22) Hang herbs and dry plants in the kitchen.   

23) Clay pots and assorted pottery about the house. Try to sick with OLD looking styles. Check out some sites or books on ancient styles for an idea 

24) Antlers add a wonderful feel to ambience. Even if fake. Now they are made into door handles, draw knobs and so much more. (DO NO go hung deer and elk JUST for their racks)

25) Bowls and vases of snail shells, acorns, pine cones, 

26) Rolls and displays of maps, 

17) Glass and Ceramic bottles: Display a few or better yet, use them! fill them with shampoos, liquid soaps, drinks and what ever else you use and look at daily  

18) Old style dip pens and ink vials on your desk along with scrolls of parchment and an old leather bound journal, 

19) Color glass baubles like the ones at christmas time and “witch balls” These are great if your Aesthetic is the sea or in the Witchy profession, 

20) Wood wand display. Not talking about Harry Potter here. Do a little reserach and find or make a REAL one. Display it on your desk or mantle staff. If you have a set, even better. 

21) A Statue of an ancient god, 

22) Baskets and wicker to hold things 

23) Metal goblets and drinking horns

24) If you have one or several hand your shields on the walls, 

25) Oil hurricane lamps, 

24) Hang and display Gourds about. If you know how to carve and stain gourds, all the better, 

25) Birds houses. In the house?? Sure, why not? 

26) Feathers. Sometimes just a vase of ling feathers helps. If they are feathers you find in your walks, just as better. Each one has a story  

28) Bowls of rocks. Not only does this bring the natural world in but its said that a bowl of rocks by the door and window wards off negativity. 

29) Old wood boxes. Just do not collect them but USE them. put whatever in them as storage. Afraid you will forget what’s in it??? All the better. There is your treasure at the end of your search. 

30) Corn dollies. These folk cultural dolls and designs have their roots into the ancient world. a display of them, especially during the late summer, really invokes the harvest season 

31) Ceramic and wood bake ware in the kitchen. Ads a rustic tavern feel. This could include   bread boards and bowls, wood spoons, rolling pins,

32) Replace DVD covers with parchment or wood texture covers. Sometimes a wall of game and DVD cases can kill an ambiance you are striving for. If you can not print out all these coves, hang a tapestry over your shelf unit or add wood shutter doors  

33) Cover your library of bright color books with leather, paper of plether, No access to leather? See of someone has an old leather jacket they are ditching you can cut up

34) Wood flutes, harps, ocarinas, pan pips, lyres and rustic drums add to a great tavern-ish display.

35) A tall vase of cattails gives ambiance for this that over adventures in places like rivers and lakes, 

36) If you have a collection of crystals, sea glass and gemstones, show them off in a wood box or basket, 

37) Halloween Witch bottles add to the adventure appel. (I have a buhnch and have all my teas in them, 

38) Fancy yourself an Librarian or treasure seeker? Have a display of “artifacts” like (potters, tiles, scales, bones, glass, wood), Find some broken pottery shards and make them look like Greek pottery. If you sculpt make a remnant of a state or a bone or prehistoric tooth. Create your own artifacts and put stories to them.

39) Hang a bunch of leather sachets and small bags from a hook or sit them on a shelf, 

40) Find yourself a rustic tea set, 

41) Collect vintage clay and wood tops. Tops have been around since ancient Assyria and Babylon.

42) Display a collection of carving tools or depending on your likes, a small anvil and hammer,  

43) Hand on hoots of rack by your door or wall woven wicker hats, leather caps and witch/witch hat, head wreaths,

44) Display an old stick/straw/grass broom head wreaths, 

45) Display a helm or helmet you have in a place that speaks “I am at the ready”

46) Fold a small stack of old burlap bags and place on a shelf and use them to store things like potatoes and onions, 

47) Display and basket of wood knitting needles and wool,

48) Grow plants, flowers, herbs and small trees. Even small pots of just grass adds a sense of nature and Adventure (The ancient Greeks would grow grass for their New Years Eve celebration) I have lemon trees in my windows I grew from seeds.

49) A Fish Net works great to add an aesthetic look to your space.

50) If nothing more find an artist and have him/her draw your aesthetic self as you see yourself in different poses, gear and situations. Blow thing up power size and hang them about your space

51) If you can not do any of this, create a physical scrap book of pictures and images that’s screams your aesthetic ideals. Visit it daily and add to it.

NOTE: While all these ideas are great starts, DO NOT over do it. Less is more. Rustic and simple. Avoid cheesy plastic props and things like signs screaming “I am a Proud Viking!” Investigate films, movies and history into your aesthetic loves and the world behind it. Do not create clutter. Make you space livable and function to your NEEDS. Make you space your home, not a museum. If your space is cluttered and does not bring you a feel of your Aesthetic feelings you may need to pull back on some of your props.     

[awed-frog]

Stuff I Never Learned In Uni and Now I’m Gonna Sue:

When he was young, Plato used to wear a ridiculous earring and everybody made fun of him behind his back. Also his original name was Aristocles: ‘Plato’ (= Broady) is a nickname his trainer gave him because he was so stupidly buff.

Aristotle was fond of flashy clothes and flashier rings and spent ages doing his hair.

Socrates used to turn a stick into a pretend horse to amuse his children.

Alcibiades and his friends once got high on stolen Pythia’s herbs and risked the death penalty.

Plutarch literally said “Sex is nice, but have you tried reading Aristobulos?” (his books are now lost, btw, and that goes on my list ‘things to be furious and sad about’)

Empedocles, a vegetarian who won the Olympics, made an ox out of frankincense and myrrh and sacrificed it as a tribute to the gods instead of a real animal. Pythagoras also sacrificed an ox-shaped cake to the gods when he discovered that hypotenuse thing.

Sophist Anchimolus happily survived on figs and water, but people avoided him at the baths because he just stank so much.

Philoxenus and Gnathon the Sicilian used to blow their noses over the best dishes of a buffet, so that other guests wouldn’t eat them first.

The philosopher Crates was called ‘the Door-Opener’ because he had this habit of randomly walk into people’s houses and offer them unwanted and unsolicited advice.

Alcibiades once sent Socrates a gigantic cake for sex-related reasons, and Socrates’ wife was so mad she threw it on the floor and trampled it.

(As a reminder, Alcibiades tried everything he knew to get into Socrates’ pants but the guy just. never. shut. up. and Alcibiades would usually fell into a stupor and sleep.)

Many statues had little umbrellas on their heads so birds wouldn’t poop on them.

A guy once invited King Philip (Alexander’s dad) for dinner, but forgot kings usually travel with dozens of people. When Philip realized his host was embarrassed because there wasn’t enough food for everyone, he discreetly told his companions to leave room for cake. People ate very little in expectation of a glorious dessert, and so there was enough for everyone.

“Dreaming about cakes without cheese is a good omen, but cheesecakes signify deceit and trickery.” (Artemidorus, who totally wasn’t pulling things out of his own ass)

Proving nothing ever really changes and time is an illusion, Plutarch complained that the guides at Delphi would bore everyone to death by reading every single inscription while their audience baked in the sun.

“If a cucumber is bitter, just throw it away...Don’t go and complain Why do such things exist in this world?” (Marcus Aurelius, unproblematic fave; also filed under ‘does it spark joy?’)

Wine jars had a piece of wood inside it, so the mice who fell in could climb back out (a Most Civilised custom imo).

“Those drunk on wine fall on their faces; those drunk on beer fall on their backs.” (this from Aristotle, I dare hope from personal experience)

Empedocles once attended a party where the host told his guests they could either drink or be drenched in wine. The next day, he had the man executed. “This was the beginning of his career in politics”.

Alexander put collars on a number of deer to determine how long they lived. When they were caught, more than a hundred years later, they had not aged a day. (*stanning intensifies*)

A good method to stop children from crying: fasten a sponge on a jar of honey and give it to them. Probably also doubles as a good method for making their teeth fall out.

Several people tried to pass laws against children’s tantrums.

A flying pig once devastated the Ionic city of Clazomenae.

Greek divers had snorkels so they could stay longer underwater.

“The students nod to each other about charioteers, or mime-actors, or horses, or dancers, or about some gladiatorial fight; some just stand there like a block of stone, others pick their noses...Anything is preferable to paying attention to their teacher.” (Libanius, #bless; he also complained that students would rather handle snakes than touch their textbooks)

Aristotle made fun of Herodotus for saying a black man’s semen must also be black.

When Gelon, the future tyrant of Syracuse, was a boy, a wolf came into his classroom and stole his writing tablet. Gelon ran after him, and as soon as he’d stepped outside the school there was an earthquake: all the other children and their teacher died.

Archimedes once built a big-ass ship for king Hieron of Syracuse. It had a gymnasium, gardens, a library, a seawater pond full of fish and mosaics detailing the entire Iliad.

There was a rumor Sophocles died when he tried to recite his Antigone and couldn’t stop for breath because he never used commas. (#KarmaIsABitch)

In Sparta, all the girls and young men who were unmarried were locked together in a dark room. The men then grabbed a girl, and whoever they grabbed, they had to marry. Lysander, the famous Spartan general, was fined for abandoning the girl he caught and scheming to marry a prettier one.

Crocodile dung was considered an essential ingredient in face masks, but dishonest sellers would often present starling dung as crocodile’s.

There were beauty contests in several cities, both for men and for women. Some cities also held modesty contests for women.

The only valid reasons for being late at the Olmypics were illness, shipwreck and capture by pirates.

Pythagoras was shocked by how women lend each other clothes and jewelry without paperwork or a witness to the transaction.

Demosthenes refused to pay the prostitute Lais (a man) half a million dollars to sleep with him, declaring “I don’t buy regret at such a high price”. 

Bald men made money by allowing people to break pots over their heads for fun.

In Southern Italy there was a breed of sheep whose wool was so valuable, shepherds put leather jackets on them so it wouldn’t be ruined by bushes and thorns.

The Gauls used to throw letters on funeral pyres so the dead could read them in their next life.

In Sparta, every year boys were whipped for an entire day on the altar of Artemis. Some died, but the ones enduring it most gracefully received the highest honors.

Plato once gave a public reading of his treatise On the Soul and Aristotle was the only person who stayed until the end.

The statues of unpopular politicians were thrown in the sea or turned into chamber pots.

Apsethus the Libyan trained some parrots to say ‘Apsethus is a god’, and the Libyans, impressed by the miracle, started to worship him. Then a Greek came along and trained the parrots to say ‘Apsethus put me in a cage and forced me to say Apsethus is a god’ so when the Libyans heard that, they seized Apsethus and burned him to death.

An idiot named Marcus insisted in running a race in full armour. He was so slow, at midnight the stadium authorities locked everything up because they mistook him for one of the statues. When they opened up again in the morning, they found he’d finished his first lap.

Athens was plagued with gangs of rich kids running around and stealing the offerings left for the gods. One of them was called The Hard Dicks.

Some many men died in the Peloponnesian War the city of Athens made polygamy legal. Euripides thus had two wives, but wasn’t happy with either of them.

A character in one of Euripides’ plays argued that wealth matters more than morality and the audience got so mad Euripides had to come on stage and beg them to wait for the end of the play - promising the guy would be revealed as the villain and meet a dreadful end.

When Rhodopis, a beautiful prostitute, was taking a bath, an eagle stole her shoe. It carried it all the way to Memphis and dropped it on the lap of Pharaoh Psammetichus, who immediately ordered the whole country to be searched for the owner of such a beautiful and shapely shoe. When Rhodopis was found, he married her.

In Elysium, the fortunate dead enjoy checkers, horse riding, gymnastics and playing the lyre.

[Source: various Greek authors, collected by J.C. McKeown in A Cabinet of Greek Curiosities. Also available: Ancient Medical Curiosties and Roman Curiosities.]

[laceyeb]

The before and after of my favorite meal.

If you decide to give it a try, here’s a few tips from a pro:

1) After cooking the bacon, put it away (I usually put it in the microwave or toaster oven) to avoid snacking! Or just make extra bacon.

2) Pasta experimentation is good to an extent since different pasta types absorb moisture in different ways. (I used “garden spirals” tonight to make myself feel like I was making healthy choices.) Rotini, “garden spirals” aka tri color rotini, medium shells, bow ties: 👍🏼 Penne: 👎🏼

3) Chicken experimentation is not good. I’ve used diced/cooked chicken and chicken in a can (like tuna in a can, but.... chicken. Great for enchiladas), but leftover rotisserie chicken is the only way to go. If you like to grocery shop at 7AM, you will not find a rotisserie chicken and you will have to make a special trip. At least that’s been my experience. First world problems.

4) I rarely make a single batch. I usually do a double batch. Tonight I did 1.5, but still 2x the ranch powder (10/10 would recommend) and a little extra garlic (10/10 also would recommend). Use a big frying pan to make it easier to stir. Stir occasionally to get noodles evenly cooked and make sure nothing sticks to the bottom. (The recipe does say to stir occasionally, but this always feels like the kind of thing you could just leave to simmer. 0/10 would not recommend.)

5) Before serving, leave as little moisture remaining as possible. Before putting the cheese on, I crank up the heat for a couple minutes and cook stirring constantly to get rid of the remaining juices. If it’s too liquidy when you scoop it out to serve, you will make a BIG mess.

6) I used both fresh parsley and fresh dill on top at the end because I didn’t have much parsley and it was delicious. I’ll always do it like that from now on.

https://damndelicious.net/2016/07/01/one-pot-chicken-ranch-pasta/

[icannotreadcursive]

Avengers PSAs: On the COVID-19 Pandemic 5: Food!

Clint was leaning back against the kitchen island in purple argyle pajama pants and a black T-shirt.

“Hey,” he said, making the salute-like ASL sign for hello as he did. “Clint Barton, AKA Hawkeye or 'that random guy with the bow an arrow who hangs out with the Avengers' here to talk about grocery shopping and cooking during these quaran-times.”

He grinned at his own pun, then continued, signing to the camera to follow him. He pushed off from the island and walked over to the pantry and the two large refrigerators that flanked it. “Whether you're ordering your groceries for delivery or suiting up in your mask and gloves to brave the stores, you need to shop according to what kind of storage you have and you preferences as far as what you'll actually cook and what you'll actually enjoy eating.

“Now what I mean by shopping according to your storage is things like, if you have a lot of freezer space—maybe you have a freezer chest in the garage because you hunt, or you have a minifridge leftover from college that you can set cold enough to use as a freezer—then stocking up on frozen food is a good idea. If you don't have a lot of freezer space, then you can't stock up as much on frozen food and need to focus more on shelf-stable things like dry good and canned goods.

“The point is to be able to have enough food in your home that you can make three meals a day for your whole household for at least a week without having to go shopping and without things going bad before you can eat them. That kind of big stock-up grocery run gets expensive fast, and a lot of people aren't working right now or have their hours cut, so it can be hard to afford the kind of stocking up we all need to be doing. To help mitigate that and make things easier for others in your community, if you can afford to buy the more expensive versions of some foods, do so. Leave the less expensive options on the shelves for the people who can't afford anything else.”

He moved farther into the pantry and he segued subjects a little. “If you're not much of a cook or if you're particularly busy right now—working in essential industries, working from home, trying to homeschool your kids, whatever—then you need to focus more on prefab food, stuff you can just shove in the oven or the microwave or stick on the stove for a minute and be done. If you do like to cook or you've decided your quarantine activity is gonna be learning to cook and you have more time, then you should focus more on getting ingredients for cooking from scratch. Everyone should have a mix of both, though, and there are certain stables everyone oughta have on hand.”

He grabbed a box off a shelf, tossed it over his shoulder, caught it as he turned around, and held it out for the camera to see. “Noodles. You want noodles. It doesn't really matter what noodles. Dry pasta is great because it's extremely shelf stable, it keeps forever. I've eaten pasta that was a year past the date on the box and it was fine.

“I know a lot of stores are running low on boxed pasta, so maybe now's the time to try that lentil based pasta you've been eyeing suspiciously for a while, or get some tiny pasta like orzo, stelini, or even couscous that you usually avoid because they're not really noodles.” He put the box of pasta back on the shelf. “You can even make your own pasta if you really want to or you're really desperate. But if you have noodles—or pasta, same difference—you have a meal. Cook a whole batch to eat with sauce for spaghetti night, then save the leftover noodles, fry them up in a pan with some butter, scrambled eggs, and cheese tomorrow for lunch.

“On that note, you want eggs unless you're allergic—or vegan, I guess—and you want your dairy staples: butter, cheese, and milk. Butter and cheese both keep a long time in the fridge, especially hard dry cheeses, but milk is iffier. You canfreeze milk to make it last longer, just shake it up real good when you thaw it out, but you can also get UHT milk—ultra high temperature—that's been heat-treated so you don't have to refrigerate it at all until it's opened so you can keep it on the counter or in the pantry.” He looked around a little. “I don't think we have any UHT milk for me to show you or I would. Stark's bankrolling us, as usually, and we're doing what I mentioned earlier about buying the more expensive stuff if you can afford it, and, well, Tony can afford anything, so we've been getting direct delivery from a local dairy farm once a week—it's in glass bottles, Steve and Buck are thrilled, it's cute. Anyway, another thing you can do is buy a gallon of milk, buy some powdered milk, once you've used half of that gallon, mix up half a gallon worth of that powdered milk with cold water, add it to the half gallon you had left. Boom, whole gallon of milk again, and I promise it's not weird and watery seeming like if you just reconstitute powdered milk by itself. It's good.

“You also want rice, shelf-stable protein like canned tuna, or these funky little packets,” he held up a pouch of lemon-pepper flavored tuna, “stuff to snack on like crackers and whatever you like on crackers, and bread—which is something else you can make yourself, seriously buy some flour and get your bake on, kneading bread is a great way to work out your frustrations.” He smacked a large bag of flour, caught it as it threatened to fall off the shelf, resettled it, and flashed a thumbs up.

It cut back to Clint in the kitchen, sitting at the island now. “For the sake of your own sanity, it's also important to make it where feeding yourself isn't just a chore and you actually enjoy your food. There's a lot of little things you can do that will help with that a lot even if you're not up to much more than throwing some ramen in the microwave.”

A package of Yaki Soba slid quickly across the counter right past Clint—a slivery blur flashed behind him, kicking up a breeze that ruffled his hair, and Pietro caught the package before is skidded right off the end of the island. “Sorry,” Pietro grinned sheepishly as he handed the Yaki Soba to Clint, “my bad.”

“I knew I should have asked your sister,” Clint teased. He rolled his eyes as Pietro ducked back out of frame, then held up the Yaki Soba for the camera. “If you're gonna have one of these, take two seconds before you make it, dig through your fridge, add a little soy sauce or teriyaki sauce to the water before you cook it, give it some flavor. Toss some shredded carrots, coleslaw mix, or even canned chicken in there. Make this stuff be real food instead of I'm-trying-to-feed-myself-in-my-dormroom sadness with minimal effort.”

He tossed the Yaki Soba out of frame, presumably to Pietro, and a plushy hotdog got tossed back to him. He caught it easily. “Hot dogs are great, easy and fast to fry up in a pan, but kinda meh on their own, so have some potato chips or shove fries or tater tots in the oven. Make some chili and have chili dogs.

“Speaking of chili….” He tossed the plushy back and a jar of Prego pasta sauce slid to him—it stopped a little short and he leaned forward to grab it. “We should have practiced this. Anyway. Jarred pasta sauce is totally fine, but you can use it as a spring board for excellent homemade sauce. Brown some ground meat in the bottom of a pot, put some onion through a food processor, cook it in a big pan, add some garlic, process some more veggies, any veggies, add them and some wine to the onions, once that's cooked down, add it all in with the meat, pour in some store bought sauce, feast like a god. I'm not even kidding, Thor loves this stuff, I made a whole vat of it last week. It's easier to do in bulk and it freezes well.  Andyou can split some off, add beans and spices, make yourself some damn good chili. I'll post a recipe with actual measurements and stuff.”

He slid the jar of sauce back and caught a box of dry noodle soup mix that had been thrown directly at his face. “Make this stuff with more noodles—if your extra noodles take more than 5 minutes to cook, put them in the water first, then add the soup mix when ther's five minutes to go. When it's almost done cooking, like a minute left, pour in a scrampled egg or three. You've got egg drop soup, white people style.”

He tossed the soup box back and Pietro threw a pack of premade pizza crusts to him like a frisbee. Clint fumbled it a little but didn't drop it. “Make your own pizza! You can get these flatbread rounds to use as crust, or you can make your own dough—if you have a bread machine, it will make the dough for you. Then, put whatever you want on your pizza. You can go traditional with red sauce, cheese, and pepperoni, or you can get feta, pre-cooked grilled chicken, olives and artichoke hearts—Tony likes that.” He gestured off camera. “The wonder twins over here like carrots on their pizza; I'm not gonna question it. Natasha made herself a bacon mac'n'cheese pizza for breakfast today.”

He flung the pizza rounds away and, judging by the thwap sound, no one caught them. “Just, think about your food. Have fun, experiment, sing while you cook, plan before you go shopping, don't feel like you have to settle for spaghetti-o's and cereal just because you're stuck at home. And, hey, tell me what you're cooking, what you like on pizza. Stay home, stay safe, stay well fed. From me, and Pietro, and the rest of the Avengers—thank you.”

He signed thank you as well and waved before the video went black.

[licenselesswriter]

From November to June CH2

December 24, 2017

- You sounded worried on the phone, what happened? - Maya asks her best friend.

Riley looks at her, trying to find something different, but fails after a few minutes.

- Honey? You're being weirder than other days - Maya says and Riley just move her knee to the side poses her arms on her leg.

- Are you dating Lucas? - Riley asks out of nowhere.

- This again? - Maya asks back, tired of the same question.

- Well, it's my right to ask about my best friend private life - Riley defends herself.

- No - Maya corrects her - That's your way to tell me that you saw Lucas being friendly with me, and since you're both not dating, you immediately assume that I'm dating him - Maya explains.

- Which is? - Riley asks.

- False - Maya says and blocks any thought that her best friend mind was playing in her mind.

- Then why? - Riley asks this time.

- I don't have time for this - Maya says and runs from Riley to her kitchen.

- Why not?! - Riley asks, raising her voice from her room while she follows Maya to the kitchen.

- Because we are 17, we have something called, I don't know, college to worry about - Maya lies, avoiding the real reason why she didn't have the time to deal with her best friend drama.

- What are you talking about, we are in the age of living and being worried about this kind of drama - Riley tries to argue.

- Yeah, you might be right, but we've been discussing the same guy since we were 13 - Maya argues back - Don't you think it's exhausting? I think it's exhausting - Maya finally says, trying to get Riley off her back with all the "Lucas thing".

- Ok, one question and I will stop - Riley says.

Maya finally gives her proper attention and put down her spoon and the pint of ice cream - Ok, what's your question? - she asks.

- If I didn't go to the UK, why Lucas doesn't want to continue our relationship? - Riley asks nervous, like the 13-year-old Riley that she assure she left behind.

- My poor sad deer - Maya says and hugs her best friend - The answer for that is probably time and timing - she answers.

- Explain - Riley says laying her head on her best friend shoulder.

- You had two break-ups, and for almost a year you both decide to be only friends, maybe what you both had stopped making sense, if not for you, at least for him - Maya explains and Riley look at her surprised.

- When did you turn into Gandalf? - Riley asks.

- You said one question - Maya remembers her with a soft smile - Also, it was when Galadriel sends Gwaihir looking for me when I became The White - Maya says, surprising Riley - And you can't ever tell Farkle that I read the stupid books he recommended to me or people will never find your body - she adds.

- You are the best Christmas present I can ever ask for - Riley says and hugs her tightly.

- Stick with me kiddo, I'm the best you could ever get - Maya replies opening the chocolate pint and starting to eat.

After a few minutes of eating ice cream, they moved back to Riley's room and Riley put Clueless on Netflix.

After 50 minutes of the movie, Riley was snoring hard. Maya looks at her and giggle. She pulls her phone from her back pocket and records Riley snore - This is gonna be money someday - she softly says to herself. She grabs the remote and turns off the TV. She looks at her friend sleep and covers her with the quilt she gave her last Christmas - Merry Christmas Honey - Maya softly says and put a kiss on her best friend hair.

She closes the door of Riley's room from the outside and walks down, where she finds Topanga cooking.

- Should I expect you tonight? - Topanga asks Maya.

The blonde beauty just hugs her - Even when I'm in Love with your food, Shawn is already cooking for us tonight - she says, surprising the matriarch of the Matthews.

- Shawn Hunter? Cooking? - she asks. and Maya only nods - Wow, he really Loves you and your mother - she jokes and Maya laughs at it - But I know him, so just in case, I will make a bit more for you three - she says and Maya hugs her again.

- Have I ever told you how much I appreciate having you in my life? - Maya asks her and Topanga kiss her forehead in the most maternal ways she had.

- A lot of times sweetie, but I will never get bored to hear it - she answers with a smile on her face before softly and playfully slaps Maya ass - Now go, by now, Shawn must already burn your kitchen - she adds making herself and Maya laugh.

Maya walks to the coat hanger and grabs her coat, she waves goodbye to Topanga and walks out the Matthews residence.

She takes her time with her way home, enjoying the city, still free from any responsibility, still being able to hide her pregnancy, and sadly, the pressure takes the best of her, forcing her to stop for a second to cry in silence. For 7 exact minutes, she cried in silence and alone while the snow keeps covering New York until she felt how someone sits next to her.

- To be honest, I totally suggest to cry under better weather - Cory says and puts his hand on Maya's back, making her cry harder and hide her face on his chest. After several minutes, they both were silent, until Cory finally breaks it - Care to tell me what happened? If you don’t, I'm gonna worry, like way too much for Christmas - she says and Maya get away from him, cleaning the tears on her cheeks.

- Nothing really important Matthews, just a really bad case of a broken heart - she partially lies to him.

- Josh, right? - he says and Maya vaguely nods - Trust me, I would love to have you as my sister in law, but he made his choice - Cory says keep caressing Maya's back.

- Didn't say he can't choose, I'm just mad that I wasn't the one he chooses - she replies.

Cory smiled, recognizing the growth in his student - Correct answer Miss Hunter - he says and Maya just let a blurt of laughter escape her mouth.

- Yeah? What did I win? - she asks.

Cory just put his hand on her head and mess with her hair - Well, if I'm not soon with this at home, you're probably not gonna have me as a teacher when the break ends, so I can treat you a cup of tea in the coffee shop around the corner - he says getting up.

- The one you and your wife own? That's cheap, even for you Matthews - Maya says with a smirk on her face.

- That's the Maya I usually see - Cory replies with a smile on his face. They walk for a bit and get inside Topanga's - Let me guess, Cappuccino with lots of whipped cream? - Cory asks, Maya softly nods, and unconsciously put her hand on her belly - Nah, today I'm in the mood for some chamomile tea - Maya answers and Cory take the whipped cream and attempt to put it back in the fridge - Leave the cream Matthews - she says without even look at him.

Cory just obeys her.

15 minutes later, they both leave Topanga's, they didn't say anything to each other while they enjoy the hot beverages they had, and for some reason, Maya found it comforting.

Maya walks back to her place, and unlike popular belief, his house didn't smell like a burnt dinner.

She opens the front door and takes off her coat.

- Hey Kiddo - Shawn greets her while she cleans his hands with an oven towel.

- Hey Shawn - Maya greets back and put a kiss on his cheek - Mom? -she asks him.

- Went for the dessert - Shawn answers walking back into the kitchen - What did Riley want? - he asks, starting to smash the potatoes he had in a pot.

- Another Lucas Crisis - Maya replies walking into the kitchen - Anything I can do to help? - she asks.

Shawn smile - Yeah, can you pass me the butter, cream cheese and the half and half please - he says while he keeps mashing the potatoes.

Maya pick the ingredients from the fridge and surprised by his cooking skills can't avoid the obvious question - Remember the day I met you? - she asks.

Shawn nods and giggles a bit - Yeah, yeah, Christmas 2014, right? - he says and Maya smile for him remembering that day.

- That day you said you didn't get a lot of home cook meals - she says feeling how her mouth starts to water from the smell of the turkey.

- Yeah, what's with that? - Shawn asks and takes the cream cheese and the butter and start to mix them on low heat with the mashed potatoes.

- Seriously? - Maya says - How can you cook like this and not getting home cook meals every day? - she asks.

- You mistake my cooking skills with my laziness - Shawn explained - Why take all this time to cook for one person when you can survive on Quesadillas and Pepsi? - he asks back.

Maya looked at him a bit in shock - Sometimes it scares me how much alike we are - she answers.

They both stop for a second when they hear a set of keys unlock the door. Maya went to help her mother with the dessert when she was stopped by her voice.

- Thank you, Lucas - she says to the Texan boy.

- It's nothing, Mrs. Hunter - Lucas replies walking into the kitchen.

- “Back to you”? - Maya greets him surprised to see him there.

- “Back to you”? – Shawn asks her.

- It’s our thing now – Maya fastly answers, before putting her attention back on her Mother and Lucas.

- Hey Maya, Mr. Hunter - Lucas greets her and Shawn, putting the bags on the counter.

- What you're doing here “Back to you”? - Maya asks while her mother gives Lucas something wrapped and walks next to Shawn.

- Hey baby girl - Katy says and put a kiss on her daughter's hair and then walks to Shawn and put a kiss on his lips - That smells delicious Mr. Hunter - she says and Shawn smile.

- Anything fo' ma' wife - Shawn replies while Maya takes Lucas to the living room.

- So, what you're doing here? - she asks him again.

- Relax, just came to deliver something before my flight to Texas - he defends himself and gives Maya the gift that Katy previously give back to him.

- You don't need to do this - Maya says and pulls him from his shirt collar to get him really close - I get it, you care about me and what's inside me, but you don't need to do charity work with me - she adds.

Lucas let a long sigh, he was really tired of Maya being unable to trust anyone besides Riley - This is not charity, this is Patrick - he jokes. Maya just punch his shoulder with half of her strength, surprising him - Ok, bad moment to make a joke - he says putting a few feet between them - Anyways, not charity Maya, just friendship, if you don't believe me, ask Farkle, Riley, and Smackle - he listed their friends - They get presents too - he says and get close to her again - Also, this has nothing to be with that situation - he adds and takes a quick look at her belly.

- You need to go - Maya says and starts to push Lucas to the door.

- Ok, ok - he says and stops her - Mr. Hunter Mrs. Hunter, have a merry Christmas - he says leaving the Hunter family apartment.

More than 9 hours later, when all the food was over and presents starts to show, Maya, take a short trip to her room.

She's been grateful for having Shawn on her life, and she was more than open to put her talent to show it - Hey Shawn - Maya calls her adoptive Father from her room - Care to help me a bit? - she asks when she was carrying a wrapped paint.

- Yes, sorry - Shawn apologizes for not noticing the size of what she was carrying.

Shawn finally takes it to the living room and Maya stood in front of her gift.

- Well, this is one of my happiest memories, and I hope it's one of your happiest too - she says and steps away from the gift.

- Thanks, kiddo - Shawn says and fastly unwrapped the painting - My God - he says and covers his mouth with his hand, then he moves to the side and show the painting to his wife, who had the same reaction.

- Baby girl - Katy says looking at the painting that was a vivid painting of the first dance Katy and Shawn had as Husband and Wife.

Shawn gets up and hugs Maya, visibly moved - Thank you, this is the second-best gift you ever gave me - he says and Maya looks at him a bit confused.

- Really? What did I get you last Christmas that this can't top's it? - she asks.

Shawn laughs and Katy stood next to him, fastly being hugged by him - You let me go on a date with your Mother - he answers, making both women cry.

Around 30 minutes later, Maya went to bed, happy, knowing that no matter what happened, she can always count with Shawn. She fastly changes clothes and put on her nightgown and then she notices that Lucas gift was on her bed.

- Ok “Back to you”, let's see what you get me - she says and softly sits on her bed. She takes her time and delicately unwraps the paper on Lucas gift, only to see the very professional, and very expensive, painting palette she wanted for her birthday, also with a complete set of 24 oil paints. She smiles with pure joy and opens the box of oil paints and a note fall into the floor. She picked it up and recognize his handwriting "Keep painting, will help you with the stress" she reads in silence - Sap - she says before putting the sets on her desk.

[aching-tummies]

Chocolate Indulgence

Ever had one of those moments where you're staring down a food-item you know is going to absolutely wreck your stomach...but you know you'll eat it anyway?

Most of the people I know that have a dairy-sensitivity (e.g. lactose, rectin, etc.) tend to have moments like that frequently. They know eating cheese is going to cause Satan-himself to reach in and clench their stomach in his vice-like grip, but one does not simply say 'no' to pizza. Then there's the ones that ensure they've got dibs on the closest washroom before they shovel ice-cream or a milkshake into their system and that particular washroom becomes a hazmat zone for the next three hours. I've seen the latter used with purpose too when this particular someone I knew was pretty backed-up while travelling. He was out with some friends when he realized it'd been quite a while since he had last went no.2. His friends knew about his dairy-sensitivity and their eyes widened when he ordered something with dairy from the shiftiest-looking vendor in the area (he was also a huge germaphobe, so the fact that he went even 3 ft near that vendor already caused jaws to drop). He chugged it, asked his friends to wait around the area for a solid hour or two, and then proceeded to violate the public washroom. He came back looking like the definition of ‘relief’ just as his friends had started to think he had died ‘cuz they didn’t expect him to be in the washroom that long.

While not as dramatic, I sort of had one of these moments last night. Of course, it wasn't just that one moment that led to that, it was a whole day of events that led up to the moment.

I started the day going out to have breakfast with a family member before heading off to work. A favorite fast-food chain had recently opened a location near our place and near the place I worked so we decided to go there for breakfast/lunch, whatever you want to call it. I've been eating less recently, being busy and anxious about work and some other life-stuff...also with my work being at non-consistent hours my family member ends up eating without me and most of the time I'm too exhausted to bother cooking for myself. I live with some fairly judgemental family members who go off on me if I don't clean up properly when they say so and cooking for myself just becomes more of a hassle than it's worth. E.g. I'll make some instant noodles for myself and before I've even taken the first bite they'll come over and start screeching about how I left a cooking utensil in the sink rather than clean it and leave it out to dry before I sat down to eat. I was already eating straight out of the pot I was cooking the thing in, the utensil was a butter-knife I used to get some XO sauce or whatever out of the jar and into the pot...and the butter knife wasn't necessary or useful for eating the noodles. My plan was to leave it in the sink and wash everything all at once in about 20 minutes when I had finished my food. I didn't want to deal with the screeching after hours of dealing with customers and co-workers screeching at me to do a task while I was in the middle of doing another task someone else had screeched at me to do, so I've opted to roll with being hungry for the last few days. My usual routine was wake up, get ready, make a quick breakfast to get me through my shift, come home and stay out of the way until dinner time with my family--if there was going to be a shared dinner-time, and then go to bed.

Yesterday was basically the same. I had breakfast at a fast-food restaurant with a family member who was kind enough to drop me off at work. After work I decided to come home rather than eat out after work (I wanted to save some money). I went home and was already pretty hungry but dinner wasn't going to be for another four or more hours. I ended up taking a nap, realizing after I woke up that I had managed to get through the day without drinking coffee, and that was probably why I ended up napping. I got downstairs to find that my family member had opted to cook for themselves, meaning I was on my own for dinner. I grabbed something small and self-contained to avoid being yelled at for making a mess and went about my business. Hours later, I was getting ready for bed. I couldn't sleep 'cuz my stomach had been growling at me since I started brushing my teeth. I was fairly awake from the nap I had taken so I decided, "screw it--I'll grab something to eat and watch a movie or something before I go to sleep".

What to eat, right? After days of being hungry after work, I decided I deserved a treat. I was really craving something sweet, but the only thing that satisfied that sweet tooth was some coffee I had in the fridge...which I was definitely not going to indulge in. I wanted to sleep eventually and coffee at 2AM was ridiculous. What else is sweet and goes almost hand-in-hand with coffee? Chocolate. Pancakes would make a mess, mug-cake was an option but I didn't want to measure out everything...also, one of my family members has been pretty snarky about finding flour on the counters. Some of it is from them, but since I'm the one that's always making home-made pasta and other types of noodles it's always my fault if there's a powdery substance on the counters. I didn't want to just outright eat chocolate chips like I usually do 'cuz I had already brushed my teeth and felt bad about eating something that would stick to my teeth and add to decay. In the end, I opted for a mug of hot chocolate. I was craving something sweet, specifically chocolate, and hot chocolate fit the bill. If I rinsed my mouth with some water after drinking it then it’d probably be okay.

My usual method is dumping the packet into a mug, filling it about 2/3 of the way with hot water, stirring until the powder is dissolved, and then topping up the final 1/3 with cold 2% milk. The milk makes it richer as well as cools down the contents enough to drink. I hesitated a little about adding the milk, the boba-incident fresh in my mind. I decided "screw it. I don't have to work tomorrow" and I added the milk to the mug. I decided to indulge further. It's been a crappy week walking on eggshells at home and at work and choosing to be hungry rather than listen to family members rant and yell over a bit of flour...so I found some nutella and added a generous spoonful to the hot chocolate. If you haven't tried this, you should (provided you don't have a nut allergy). I recommend dissolving the nutella in the hot-water/powder mix, prior to adding milk. The heat will allow it to melt that much faster. That mug of hot chocolate was heavenly.

I took the mug upstairs and put on something to watch while I enjoyed my chocolate-y treat. A couple of hours later, I was ready for bed.

As I lay down, waiting to sleep, I felt an odd sensation in my stomach. It wasn't painful. It was just shy of uncomfortable. It was an odd feeling I couldn't place. Was I still hungry? Were my guts unhappy with the little bit of dairy in the hot chocolate? It felt like a mild pressure around my navel-area, but my stomach was definitely empty too. I rubbed my stomach a little, staying awake for a while monitoring the feeling, hoping that it wouldn't be a repeat of the boba incident. I didn't have to work the next day, but I didn't want to go about the whole day feeling like a painfully bloated basketball. I don't know if it was gas from the dairy 'cuz I couldn't burp and I didn't feel any gurgles or gas-bubbles moving around under my palms. It wasn’t entirely like hunger either. It felt like there was something sitting in my guts...not painfully, but just present, and my stomach was undecided about whether this something meant it was allowed to be hungry or not. I guess my stomach was confused. It was so late that it was early, usually an hour where everything is asleep, there was dairy somewhere slightly bloating up my guts, but it was also hungry. I had downed dairy on an empty stomach and it was confused...was it supposed to still be hungry? Was it supposed to go to sleep? Was the dairy going to be a problem? To growl or not to growl? 

Definitely not as dramatic as something my dairy-sensitive friends have gone through, but that's what I thought about while I was soothing my stomach before going to sleep. I added the milk to my hot chocolate, wary that it would upset my stomach. Whatever that feeling was, at least it allowed me to sleep. I was still hungry, seeing as the only solid food I had to eat was over 14 hours ago and it was the 'empty calories' of fast food, but at least I didn't have to contend with the gnawing hunger as I tried to sleep. I didn’t add a whole lot of milk into the hot chocolate, so it wasn’t enough to cause some major indigestion. Not sure if this happens to other people too, but I've found that when I sleep on a hungry stomach I wake up with a corner of my pillow in my mouth and a loud and cramping stomach demanding I fill it before it plays the 'nausea' card. I didn't want to spend my day off feeling hungry, nauseous, and contending with indigestion.

As always, feel free to send asks in talking about tummy stuff. If it hits my kinks or I like it, I'll post the reply. If you don't see it odds are either that tumblr ate it or I'm not really interested in it and I can't contact you to say that if you're on-anon. Sometimes I’ll let the ask sit in my inbox for a while until I figure out how I’ll respond to it. I tend to be hungry fairly often lately, so if you ever wanna just send a stab in the dark hunger-RP-esque ask that’s totally fine. I’m not too big on the idea of teasing with food or overly patronizing banter, but tummy-centric stuff like manual stimulation of my hungry tummy for the growls/sensations or some way to torture my aching guts is usually something I’m down for. Hands on a suffering stomach are a pretty steady craving whenever I fall into kink-feels.  Navel-stuff is rare to see, but definitely welcome too. 

[calorieworkouts]

Lose Belly Fat Fast: 3 Keys and a Killer Workout

To much of individuals, a sexy, toned stomach resembles the Holy Grail of fitness, but like the Holy Grail, it can additionally be frustratingly evasive. A lot of the moment it's not for want of attempting, but rather due to the fact that you're putting the majority of (or also every one of) your initiative in the wrong area. Let's put it in this manner: 1000 grinds a day alone is NOT going to obtain you there - I'll explain why in a moment. As well as don't worry if you've been doing this, due to the fact that bunches of people drop afoul of this widespread fitness myth, so when you hear it you'll see precisely what you've been doing incorrect and also extra notably, what to do regarding it.

It's Your Health Too

What's even more it's not just about vanity either. Sure all of us want to look great and also the majority of us agree that a limited, toned belly is sexy, but there's even more to it. According to Harvard Female's Health Watch stubborn belly fat is even worse than hip and also thigh fat in terms of health risks.

The Bad News

If you have an interest in the science: the gist of it is that tummy fat often tends to be natural fat, i.e. below the abdominal wall surfaces as well as bordering the inner body organs. This type of fat is even worse for you than the surface-level (subcutaneous, i.e. just listed below the skin) fat since it produces even more of retinol-binding healthy protein 4 (RBP4) which increases insulin resistance (which can cause diabetes mellitus as well as a host of various other illness). The more visceral fat you have the more RBP4 is secreted into your bloodstream. Not good.

The other issue is that as we age the percentage of fat to bodyweight tends to enhance, as well as fat starts to favour being saved in the upper body over the hips and also upper legs. Which suggests that also if you do not put on weight, you waistline can grow by inches as the visceral fat pushes out versus your stomach wall. As well as sorry to be the holder of poor information, yet ladies, we're more at risk to this than males. Harvard! Why did you need to obtain all science-y on us ?!

The Great News

As with everything in life however, there's always a silver-lining (you really did not assume I would certainly simply leave you there did ya?). The terrific news is that natural fat responds really, truly well to exercise and diet regimen. Better, in reality, than fat on the hips as well as upper legs. Which means that you can get the level, sexy tummy you have actually constantly wanted, if you agree to place in the initiative and do what jobs. Which leads us nicely to ... what does not work!

Belly Fat Myths

Crunches = Sexy stomach

Remember how I said 1000 grinds a day alone will not provide you a toned stubborn belly? It's not that problems aren't a great exercise (although there are much better exercises, see the workout listed below) yet the primary reason is: you can not identify minimize fat! What this means is that you can't target a certain location of your body to selectively lose fat. So it matters not the amount of problems, sit-ups or ab-blaster device representatives you do, it won't give you a flat stomach unless you do several of the various other things I'm going to tell you regarding in a moment. Not just that, however there are far better abdominal exercises than crunches which you might be doing.

It's all about exercise

I wish this held true. Would not it be excellent to exercise as well as eat cupcakes, pizza, ice-cream and also everything else you desired ... as well as still have the ability to walk with a six-pack? I have actually tried this, and I can tell you for a truth: it doesn't function. This does not mean you need to consume a flawlessly clean diet plan - where's the enjoyable because - yet you do need to eat tidy the majority of the moment. I've found that you can actually enjoy consuming a tidy diet plan due to the fact that you retrain your body to delight in food which is actually healthy and balanced. I recognize it appears insane, yet it's true!

Just do cardio

Yes, aerobics are great for fat loss, however they're not the be-all and end-all. Make certain you incorporate several of these ideas if you wish to boost weight loss when you do cardio.

So now that I have actually covered a few of the fitness misconceptions you may have had, you might be questioning what you should be doing instead. Well stay, due to the fact that I'm concerning to inform you ...

How To Get A Sexy Stomach Fast

Now I recognize this write-up isn't labelled 'Shed Belly Fat Actually Freakin' Slowly' however there is a healthy rate most individuals must lose weight: 1 - 2 pounds each week. Yes, this isn't as fast as some people would such as, but it's the healthy and balanced alternative, plus you're less likely to shed muscular tissue in addition to the fat - which would be a negative thing, because muscle mass assists you melt fat. To put it simply, it's not going to take 3 days, it can take weeks or more probable, months.

And if you want visible abdominal muscles, that's a whole 'nother pot of fish. Initially, there are the biological factors, particularly: your genes and sex. Females need to have greater body fat percentages than guys to be healthy, this often indicates they can not have noticeable abdominals revealing as well as additionally go to a healthy and balanced, lasting body-fat. Even so, because of genetics, some ladies do have visible abs at healthy and balanced body-fat percentages. You need to do the finest you can with the genetics you have, not utilize them as a justification. Same thing goes for individuals, yet they can get away with lower healthy body-fat percents, thus the six-pack.

The other concern with getting noticeable abdominal muscles is it needs you to follow a clean diet plan a great deal more purely (once more, relying on your genetics). So you can decide if it's worth that extra commitment or otherwise (and as long as you can keep a healthy body fat).

The excellent news is despite your sex or genetics you can still get an attractive, toned tummy ... get much healthier as well as look wonderful nude. So allow's chat concerning just how to do that!

Tips To Lose Tummy Fat and Obtain An Attractive Stomach

There are actually just 3 tricks to obtaining a level tummy: exercise, a tidy and healthy and balanced diet and getting enough sleep. These are the 3 huge ones, they form the foundation of losing belly fat and getting a sexy belly. At the exact same time there are a great deal of points you can do to compliment these and improve your fat loss, which I'll consist of in a moment.

First, let's go right into a little bit more information on these 3 tricks:

Exercise

You should intend to do at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity workout most days. If you increase the duration as well as intensity of the workout you'll shed much more fat, quicker.

Combine cardio with stamina training

Most people turn to aerobic workout for fat loss, yet you will certainly increase your weight loss significantly by combining cardio workout with toughness training. This is since toughness training constructs muscular tissue and also muscular tissue burns fat (i.e. raises your metabolic price). Muscular tissue also takes up less area than fat, so although you may not drop weight ... you will lose fat as well as obtain a smaller sized waist and also even more toned belly - which is exactly why you should not make use of the ranges to judge your weight loss! Not only that, it's inadequate to just concentrate on abdominal workouts, you also intend to do whole-body training specifically making use of substance workouts like squats, deadlifts and also shoulder presses.

Eat clean and healthy

' Abdominals are made in the cooking area. 30% exercise, 70% diet. You can not out-exercise a poor diet.' You have actually probably heard those before, and they merely show just how essential a clean, healthy diet regimen is to shedding stomach fat. The important point is to devote to it as well as follow it constantly, to the very best of your capability. It's not concerning perfection, it has to do with sticking to it as best you can as well as obtaining back on when you occasionally drop off. You could create an entire publication on tidy eating (and also that's been done) but I'll offer you the standard rules below, daily:

Eat lean healthy protein, complicated carbs and also healthy and balanced fats.

Eat lots of veggies, specifically cruciferous and also dark green leafy vegetables.

Eat some fruits.

Drink water (9 mugs for ladies, 13 for males). That's complete water quantity, i.e. counting various other beverages.

For losing stubborn belly fat, there is proof that you gain much less visceral fat the a lot more calcium you take in. Yogurt, cheese, sardines, kale are all great resources of calcium.

Avoid all processed and improved foods. This suggests sugar, white flour, candies, baked goods etc.

Avoid sodas as well as juices. Don't drink your calories, obtain your calories from food.

Avoid junk food.

Especially for losing stubborn belly fat, stay clear of foods which appear to urge it: hydrogenated vegetable oils as well as fructose-sweetened foods and also beverages.

No alcohol.

Looking at the checklist above, you might be a bit daunted, but remember it's more vital to take little incremental steps which you can keep, than trying to do everything at the same time and lasting a month. I'm talking from experience below: add a little bit each time, possibly a couple of items weekly, get an excellent feeling for it and after that relocate onto the next products in the checklist. If I needed to pick two to begin with, I 'd pick to up my veggie consumption substantially and also reduce way down on sodas and juices. Pick what help you and don't hesitate to experiment.

Get enough sleep

But not too much. A five-year research showed that grownups that got less than 5 hrs sleep an evening gathered dramatically more visceral fat ... yet those that rested greater than 8 hrs a night also obtained even more visceral fat. 6 - 8 hrs seems like an excellent array. Interestingly, this wasn't the case for individuals over 40 - that stated growing older didn't have benefits!

Boost fat loss with these tips

Try out some of the 101 weight loss pointers to boost your weight loss. Bear in mind, the 3 above are the core structure of what you require to do, but by including some of these ideas they can include up to a collective impact of higher fat loss.

The Workout

Phew! Okay, now that we've laid the foundation for obtaining the limited, toned, attractive stomach you desire, allow's jump on to the exercising component. So we have actually assembled an ab-licious workout which focuses not just on the front component of your stomach (rectus abdominis), yet also on the sides (obliques) as well as a lot more notably the deep internal stomach muscles (transverse abdominis). When the majority of people think regarding abdominal muscles, they think of the usually looked for after six-pack or eight-pack in the front, as well as by the way, obtaining an eight-pack is purely to genetics, there is no workout or amount of exercise which can offer you an eight-pack if you don't have that stomach separation genetically speaking.

Sometimes individuals consist of the obliques (typically viewed as the groves to either side of the rectus abdominis, e.g. right here as well as right here) yet very couple of individuals consist of the transverse abdominis (TVA), which are the deep internal stomach muscles. Currently the incredible point concerning the TVA muscular tissues is that they function as an all-natural bodice for your body, cinching in you core - in other words, strengthening these muscles can give you a smaller sized midsection. Not just that, however your TVA muscular tissues become part of the foundational core you use in almost every compound exercise, so obtaining more powerful right here is definitely a great thing!

Now, every stomach workout you do jobs every one of your stomach muscles, yet there's one exercise I enjoy which especially targets your TVA muscle mass: the abdominal vacuum cleaner (you can see exactly how it's carried out in the video below). This is an amazing workout for strengthening your inner core and the wonderful point is you can do them anywhere. You can do the ab vacuum alone, but also for ideal efficiency it's finest to combine them with a kegel which leads right into the abdominal vacuum cleaner, so by doing this you strengthen both your pelvic floor muscle mass along with the TVA muscular tissues. Boom! Better sex and a flatter tummy - you win!

Pin this workout:

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Your turn: What are your preferred abdominal exercises? Have you attempted the stomach vacuum cleaner yet? Was this workout challenging sufficient for you? Let us know!

[corashadow-blog]

Vegan PSA

So I’ve only been vegan for 3 weeks, so I am by no means an expert on this sort of thing, but I have discovered a few little tricks which make veganism better for me.

First off (and hear me out) Marmite. Marmite is incredible. I know loads of people hate it (they’re wrong by the way), but even if you don’t like it, that doesn’t stop it from being incredible. You know all those vegan recipes which tell you to add nutritional yeast? You know what I’m talking about, and every time you see it you want to kill the person who wrote it because WHY would I have nutritional yeast lying around?! Well this is where Marmite comes in... Marmite is yeast extract, so it has all the benefits of nutritional yeast (get those vitamins kids), but a lot easier to find and also really tasty on toast! I add Marmite to all sorts of things - soup, stew, bolognese, chilli, you name it, if it’s saucy I’ve already put Marmite in there. It also works as a seasoning because it tastes very salty, so if you add a teaspoon of Marmite to all your tasty vegan meals you won’t have to add as much salt either. I personally have no problem with salt - I love it and add it to everything, but I know a lot of people try to avoid it so there are bonus points for you guys here. Right, thats probably enough about Marmite (or Vegemite, or yeast extract, whatever you want to call it) - I promise I’m not sponsored!!

Next up we need to talk about baking. I haven’t delved into vegan cakes yet, so that can be a post for another day, but cookies I have done. SO... I have a family recipe for chocolate chip cookies. These cookies are phenomenal, but not vegan so I decided to veganise them. Its super easy to make most cookie recipes vegan and here’s how: 

Butter - this ones pretty self-explanatory, just replace butter with vegan butter

Oil - we’re rolling here, you can replace butter with a flavourless oil (sunflower, vegetable, rapeseed, etc) if you want, but if you have vegan butter I’d stick to that

Eggs - there are a lot of vegan egg replacements, but the easiest two are apple sauce and bananas. Just replace one egg with 4tbsp of apple sauce, or mashed banana. This is especially good if you have some bruised or black bananas that you don’t want to eat. Apple sauce doesn’t change the flavour of the cookies at all so if you’ve got some funky flavours going on I’d use that. Bananas do lend some of their taste to the cookies, so they’re perfect for chocolate chip or peanut butter cookies - it ends up like a banana bread cookie.

Honey - you’ve got quite a few options when it comes to honey depending on the flavour you want. Agave syrup is always good and has a slightly floral taste like a lot of honey, but you could also use golden syrup if you just want the sweetness, maple syrup if you want something with a little edge, or treacle (molasses) if you want a dark, fruity flavour.

Milk - again self-explanatory, use your favourite vegan milk - cashew milk is my favourite, but you could use any - soya, rice, oat, almond, hazlenut, whatever - just remember that each may have a slightly different taste which might impact the flavour of the cookies.

I think that’s about it for making cookies vegan, but if I’ve missed anything feel free to ask!

General vegan cooking isn’t too bad either once you get the hang of it. I made vegan mac’n’cheese the other week just using vegan substitutes for all your usual mac’n’cheese ingredients and it was really tasty and creamy. If you do have nutritional yeast (I use this one) then add a bit of that to the cheese sauce and it will taste more like the real deal. Coconut milk is a staple for curries, and you can also get blocks of compressed coconut which you add water to and it creates coconut milk, or coconut cream if you add a little less water. If you don’t have vegan butter you can use any oil to make a roux for sauces or gravy. I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t tell you about Quorn fishless fingers, becaus honestly they are the love of my life. I have been vegetarian for 5 years, but before that I loved fish fingers, and I only recently found Quorn fishless fingers and they are incredible. They taste pretty much exactly like normal fish fingers, and I never liked fish, but fish fingers don’t really ever taste like real fish unless you buy really fancy ones. Just try them, they’re amazing and I promise you wont regret it. I don’t know if you can get any other fishless fingers, but I would definitely try them if I could find them!

Meat substitutes aren’t really my thing - Quorn mince can go away, or any other type of fake mince - I’m really not interested. I use mushrooms (which I hate by the way) to bulk out chilli and bolognese, because if you chop it small enough you won’t notice or taste it. The only vegan mince I’ve found that I like is soya mince. It looks like cardboard and you buy it dry like pasta. I don’t follow the instructions on the packet because honestly I didn’t realise they were there the first time I used it, and now I’ve seen them I think my way is better. Just chuck it into you bolognese or chilli or whatever and it absorbs the liquid and takes on the flavour of whatever sauce you put it in. It’s basically just a flavour sponge, but it has nutritional value so if you’re lacking in protein I highly recommend. Lentils also exist, and I add red lentils to a lot of pasta sauces if I feel like I need the extra protein.

Lets talk soup... I love soup, and vegan soup is really easy to make, if there’s honey or cream or anything just use the substitutes I’ve listed above. I’m gonna go ahead and say it - thick soup is better - this is a fact. You might disagree, but honestly you’re just wrong at this point. If you want to thicken up your soup there are a couple of things you can do. First off you could make a roux, then add the soup to the roux slowly, then as you boil the soup it will thicken up. This is an okay idea, and I like using it for dahl and other curries as well as soup. Next thing you could do it crack open a can of chickpeas, drain and rince them, then add them to your pot. This is my favourite. If they’re in there for long enough you can’t taste them, they are a great source of protein, and as soon as you blend your soup it’s as if they weren’t there, but you have a lovely, thick, hearty soup. 

Pies. Right so you could make your own vegan pie from scratch, or you could just buy one from Pieminister as a treat, because let me tell you; those things are delicious.

I think thats all I’ve got on veganism at the moment, but if you want any more tips or advice, just let me know. I will obviously keep you updated with my vegan ventures and let you know of any cool new things I find! Lots of love

[lookwhatilost]

swissless swiss mac and cheese: a spite motivated recipe

so i guess internet recipe etiquette involves writing a drawn out story about what inspired the recipe, or what relative you stole it from, or whatever. i know that nobody cares abt stuff like that, so i’m going to keep the context short and sweet and get waste 17 paragraphs on troubleshooting instead

mac and cheese is a preposterously simple dish, but almost no one seems to know how to make it well. i dnt know if people dnt have taste, or if bad advice jst keeps being regurgitated to them or what, but i’m at the point where i’m always really skeptical of homemade mac and cheese unless i’ve tasted that person’s cooking before, because i’ve had so many unfortunate experiences with it. usually i’ll make it myself for thanksgiving, but my stepsisters’s cousin insisted on bringing it this year. it was foul, like, sincerely the worst. bland, dry, questionable pasta choice, rly jst every potential fuckup that one could potentially commit. my thanksgiving dinner was jst a huge plate of grilled mushrooms bc my usual dish was no longer an option. i felt robbed so it finally motivated me to throw this together. sometimes you jst need to eat something gross to put things into perspective, and push you to refine your cooking skills a little further.

i dnt like to share my rly good recipes bc i want to maintain the illusion that i am some kind of untouchable kitchen deity, but i’ve decided to leak this one as an act of community service.

the base sauce (bechamel) without the wine and nutmeg is what i always use for mac and cheese: 3 cups of bechamel to 2 cups of cheese with a pound of pasta. you can modify it with whatever cheeses you see fit.

some general advice with mac and cheese:

you’re going to get the best results if you serve it immediately and dnt bake it. this is probably one of the only foods i can think of where the texture is more important than the taste itself, and if the sauce is too thick, it’s going to taste dry and have a weird mouth feel. most people go wrong by putting it in the oven for too long. dnt do that. if you’re insistent on having a baked breadcrumb layer on top, then dnt keep it in the oven any longer than 5 minutes or so. any longer will compromise the creaminess. this recipe has a pretty big yield, so if you have to refrigerate leftovers, add a little milk when you heat them back up.

if it doesn’t taste cheesy enough, it’s because there’s not enough salt in it. i promise. salt it and then taste test it again. if you add more cheese, you risk making the sauce too thick.

the salt you use makes a difference. iodized salt is good for baking, or adding a pinch of it to something a little bit under-seasoned, but it can add a weird metallic taste to food if you cook with it. i usually use kosher salt, or sea salt, or that stupid pink salt that my mom always used to insist on buying, depending on what’s available to me. if you dnt have kosher salt or can’t rationalize purchasing it, then cut the portion in half to avoid cyborg mac.

the age of the cheese you use is going to be one of the biggest factors in the taste. usually the longer it ages, the cheesier it tastes, but the taste profiles of aged cheese are obviously dependent on the cheese you use. it helps to read up on them when you’re hashing out cheese choices and flavor combinations. i personally always use at least two cheeses, so before i pick them out, i make sure the ages of the cheeses have similar or complimentary taste profiles. it’s a lifesaver. w cheddar specifically, i never use one that’s been aged less than 9 months.

pasta choice is a big part of it. wagon wheels are usually my go-to, but rotini looks a little bit more sophisticated if you’re serving this to other people. shells are a little bit more obvious, but effective. i like to shoot for something that has a lot of external surface texture so the cheese sauce adheres to it better. elbow macaroni and penne dnt live up to my standard, personally, but if you wanna use one of those, get something that’s ribbed. same goes for cellentani. pipette works a little better. dnt bother with rigatoni, campanelle or farfalle. dnt use spaghetti unless you want to look like an idiot.

garlic helps. i almost never omit garlic when i’m making mac and cheese unless i’m going for something sweeter (dnt knock it til you try it). unless i want something with a more noticeable garlic taste, i put two cloves in. dnt let me tell you how much garlic to use, though. we all know that garlic is measured with the soul.

skim milk is actually your best bet. when you’re making bechamel, it’ll thicken significantly when you melt the cheese into it. skim milk usually gives you an ideal creamy consistency. whole milk is too thick. fat free milk gives you something a lot thinner, but if you’re making the sauce in advance, it’s a helpful workaround for when the sauce inevitably thickens in the refrigerator.

kind of a given, but if you’re cooking with beer or wine, always read the tasting notes unless it’s something you’re familiar with. dry white wines work best in recipes like this, but a lot of them have strong citrus notes and the acidity can be overpowering. i run into the problem a lot with pinot grigio. same goes with beers––it should accentuate the taste, not dominate it. if you’re not sure, mix a tiny bit in and taste test. it’s a lot of taste testing.

you dnt have to waste your money. if you’re experimenting with fancy cheeses that you typically find on cheese plates, keep in mind that a lot of the reason why you only ever seem to see them on cheese plates is bc they’re best in small doses. this isn’t to say avoid them entirely, but unless you cut them with havarti, jack, swiss, etc, the end result is barely edible when the flavor is that concentrated. dnt let this be discouraging, but i’ve mostly found that the more accessible, available cheeses produce better end results, and never puts me in a position where i blew $11 on a piece of cheese and ended up throwing most of it out. that’s always discouraging. the only things you should definitely stay away from is mozzarella (eat one mozzarella stick to find out why) and brie (i know it seems like a good idea but pls take my word for it)

notes on this recipe specifically:

on gruyere and fontina: my main objective here was to highlight some of the nuttier flavors in the cheese (and wine!) without actually putting ground up nuts into the sauce. younger gruyere tends to have nuttier notes, so does older fontina, but older fontina is kind of difficult to find in general, let alone for a reasonable price. i picked up a 5 month gruyere for this, and hardest block of fontina i could find in the store, which only ended up being aged 3 months. not ideal, but it worked out fine.

on raclette: not gnna mince words, it smells terrible. dnt let that scare you. when it’s mixed w the garlic and the other cheeses, it’s fine. it’s kind of difficult to find too. i got mine at wegman’s, but if you’re outside of the mid atlantic, that’s not an option. if it’s too elusive or if you’re sensitive to smell, emmental is a less elusive, less offensive substitute with a similar taste.

on the wine: aim for something with notes of honey or almonds or hazelnuts. i used beaulieu vineyard carneros chardonnay 2015

ingredients:

1 1/2 cups gruyere, shredded

3/4 cup fontina, shredded

1/4 cup raclette, take a wild guess

2 cloves of garlic, minced

1/2 cup butter

1/2 cup flour

3 cups of milk

1/4 cup chardonnay

2 tsp kosher salt (or 1 tsp iodized salt)

1 tsp nutmeg

1lb rotini

green apple slices (optional)

and without any further bullshit, here’s how you make it:

cook the pasta until its a little less than al dente––a minute or two less than the box instructions dictate. strain it and put it off to the side

heat up the milk over medium heat for abt 4 minutes, until it starts to bubble (NOT BOIL) a little bit. remove it from the heat.

in a different pot, melt the butter over medium heat and add the flour. whisk it until it’s light brown. usually this only takes a minute or two.

gradually pour in the milk, abt a half cup at a time and continue to whisk it. when all the milk is in the mixture. keep whisking it until the consistency is similar to gravy. this usually takes abt 2 minutes.

add the wine, keep whisking until you get the gravy consistency back

add the salt, garlic, and nutmeg.

add the cheeses and stir until they’ve barely melted

slowly add the cooked pasta and stir it continuously until the pasta is steaming. usually this only takes a couple minutes, but it depends on how warm the pasta is when you add it

spoon it into some bowls, garnish it with the apple slices and a little bit more nutmeg if you want. or skip garnishing it and jst dip the apple slices into the sauce. surprisingly good.

i dnt know what actually defines a serving, but if you’re using it as a main dish, it should feed four people. or jst one if you try your hardest. whatever works