#AND MAKING THEM JUDGE EVERYONE WHILE ALSO MAKING THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE PAINFUL FOR THEM IS SO. Y E A H

[linagram]

I cant wait for yurika's vd to be like trial 1 Mikoto where she just goes apeshit on the guards (i know she cant, but the thought is funny nonetheless.) Also, could we get a general map of your prison? Is it exactly like canongram, or a bit different?

well, uh. well about that. um. a-anyway, her vd is gonna be fun <3

okay, so i suck at drawing maps, soooo instead i just wrote down some things about how the prison looks!

this prison doesn't have eleven cells and only has ten. so yeah, it doesn't have a secret eleventh prisoner or anything like that. it doesn't mean that eiji and miki were always supposed to be the guards though. all cells have the same numbers as the prisoners.

the way the cells are located is a bit different though: on the map it looks like they aren't that far from each other, but to get to each cell, you will need at least five minutes. in fact, sometimes it feels like those cells are actually pretty far and eiji and miki may need more than ten minutes. and considering that one of the guards is very physically weak for understandable reasons, walking there can be really painful for eiji. why would they even need to make these cells so far apart from each other and why would they try to make it look like you will need less than two minutes to get to each cell? it feels like they're making fun of the guards, honestly.. or do they just want to see how loyal they really are? it probably doesn't make a lot of sense because the cells are most likely supposed to be exactly next to each other, BUT THIS IS MY VISION.

the wiki says that the canongram cells are supposed to look like these white rooms with everyone's height charts, but in my head the linagram cells look much darker and overall have a more scary atmosphere. it's not really related to the map, just something i wanted to share jdkslsls.

BOY THIS PRISON HAS SO MANY HIDDEN THINGS. first of all, lots of cameras. it's really hard to find them and they're basically not visible, but it is possible that someone will notice them one day. the cameras are there to keep an eye on eiji, miki and the prisoners, but they're also there so that the third guard can watch them without having to leave his room. of course, he's not the only one who uses them.

in the corridor, you can also see a small screen hanging on the wall and there's also one in the dining room. eiji and miki's rooms have screens as well, but they're only used to talk about everyone's verdicts. eiji and miki have never found the fact that even the dining room has a screen weird and just thought that it's supposed to be like that. some prisoners thought they could watch tv here and were disappointed when they found out this is not the case.

the dining room, the storage room and the shower rooms are also there and eiji and miki have their own rooms as well. their rooms actually don't look much like es' room and both of them are unique, show their personalities and have everything those guards might need. it looks like whoever is in charge of everything really wanted these two to feel at home. well, they already do.

this prison has a lot of hidden rooms though and they're made to look like all of them are actually a part of the wall. basically, they have the same color and texture as the wall, they don't have any doorknobs, they don't stand out in any way. so naturally, no one notices them. one of those rooms is the third guard' room, jackalope's room is also there. most of those rooms are locked, but not all of them.

[kani-miso]

self indulgent essomnia

i feel left out being the only one thinking of insomnia as es instead of mikoto. i know it does fit for mikoto, but hear me out.

ramble under the cut

there's actually a lot of reasons on why i think about es insomnia !!

i made this before the new official lyrics came oh my god i needed to update it.

the whole motif of everyone around them being balloon headed people remind me of the es covers album. they're both covered and still have the distinct features of the person (balloon heads still having stuff like glasses and hats, and es covers having each characters character color).

mr creepypasta watching over sunao really radiates panopticon vibes. i've always seen mr creepypasta similiar to jackalope since they're basically the all seeing eye. the way that mr creepypasta takes care of sunao reminds me of how jackalope (more exactly, milgram as a whole) takes care of es, especially if you connect it with the ca theory (we'll get to that later). the difference is that mr creepypasta is actually caring (i think?) and milgram is harsh, the system is just messed up. you can also count the novel jackalopes, they really don't care about their wardens well being (novel jacka (almost) cutting of one of their wardens breath, mv jackalope being absent and verbally abusive).

"what day of the week is today?" "surviving days are too painful" every month, every week, each day, their schedule is packed with work. because they have been working mindlessly they would forget what day it is (also i'm pretty sure you can't really track time in milgram). everyday would be painful for them since there's really nothing to do except work, interrogations are also tiring.

"my smirk is more recognizeable" *bang* each interrogation, their "apatheticness" becomes more visible because the prisoners become more unbearable (ex: fuuta t2 vd ). since they've gotten enough of it, they lash out to the prisoners (ex: fuuta and es' argument).

"even when transmitted in words, they wont intersect" even when es explains the verdicts through words, the prisoners (guilty) wont understand.

"even chant for disagreements, huh, whether those are justice or evil" this line fits perfectly with the guilty 4 (and maybe some innos). the guilties are chanting their disagreement towards their verdict, but es wouldn't listen even if they're right (justice/justifiable reasons) or wrong (evil/malicious reasons).

"as long as we can only be judged subjectively" basically judging the prisoners according to personal biases. they rely on those biased opinions because the viewers technically have more authority than es. the original milgram experiment proves that people(es) will listen to commands even if they're Immoral as long as those commands are sent/told by those above them(us).

"this is the place where i can be myself" this line plays while the mv shows sunao with mr creepypasta behind him. i like incorproting this as milgram being the place where they can be "themself" (even though jackalope is still watching).

"don't mix yourself up" there's many mini sunao's everywhere. it reminds me of how the voices in es' head probably makes them confused on which thought is actually theirs. also, that part of the mv, all of those posters (?) of mini sunao's are like self promoting the song by putting 'insomnia' in every poster. it reminds me of how milgram self promotes in the prisoners mvs (ex: the perfume bottle in weakness, fuuta's phone in bio, yuno's socks having the word 'umbilical' on it, etc).

"don't lose sight of your heart" not sure if this makes sense but es' heart is just feelings of their duty being warden.

"i want to know you, and cross the borderline where neither good nor evil exists" literally the es line ever. they want to know the prisoners and their sins without personal biases (since morality differs from person to person). it really fits with one of the lines in undercover (Is it really ok to be done with deciding with just your EGO?).

"here's the night we can't return anymore, but let me go beyond that with you" isn't the kidnapping of the prisoners and es the night where they can't return no more? the prisoners are trying to make es is tag along with the prisoners to go "beyond" it (ex: some of the prisoners saying how they're both on the same boat (something like that)) milgram is the place where you can't exactly return (in the novels, there's only one person who succesfully left milgram (torch/touchi) but only because he rebelled against the rules).

"one day, we will see each other in the proper world" *mr creepypasta leaving sunao* idk it really just feels like how jackalope is absent and not caring for es 90% of the time.

↑new lyrics: "i hope we can meet in the world i envisioned" this line fits more with es and the prisoners instead of es woth milgram.

"everything will stay vacant if this continues" i actually didn't want to add this but hey. what if the "this" is milgram. everything will stay empty if es chooses to continue along milgram. i hope you understood. also the scene fits as well. the scene is mini sunao looking at balloon headed people with one eye. it's similiar to how es' whole life is broadcasted worldwide til other people can see their immature and childish acts/behaviors.

↑ new lyrics: "at this rate, i'll keep being empty in this unfufilling city".

"i intentionally threw away my longing" "it makes me sigh" "in front of my blurred future" i don't really want to talk about the lyrics, i want to talk about the mv but wtv. they threw away their personal desires (autonomy and their free will) making their future inconsistent (blurred future). ok the mv. the mv scene shows sunao being led by mr creepypasta, since nobody can see mr creepypasta, sunao looks like he's holding onto nothing. it's similiar to how es talks to jackalope. since only es can hear jackalope, they look like they're talking to themselves. (pointed out by muu)

"honestly, i'm evil with a rotten soul. i wish for misfortunes to happen." es knows what they're doing "is sort of" wrong at some point iirc ("I get that this is painful for you, but I'm telling you my own thoughts.") and ("Yet I've been dealing with it this whole time! I've been desperately thinking about all of the prisoners, including you! So I don't think I was ever wrong. No matter what hell I make this place to be, I will not run away! I won't make someone else deal with it!") <not really but they do emphasize that they could make milgram a living hell. they also technically wish for "misfortunes" to happen via guilty verdicts although they're not the one that chooses ("Shut your mouth…! I am the one casting the judgements here!").

"i even don't know about myself" "but i know my fate, riddled with misfortune, is at a dead end" *sunao sleepwalking (?) while holding mr creepypasta's hand* *sunao getting recorded live and people laughing at him* this fits so well i'm going insane. since es has weird habits (ex : mumbling to themselves alot, talking to nothing/themselves) that the prisoners can't understand, some of them just laughs at them and tell them they're weird (ex: muu). (the text on the phone filming: "♪ im rambling", 'ha?", "filming/recording something?", "dangerous wwwww", "seriously, stop filming and run away", "this guy's dangerous", "report")

"those pierced words that strike my heart" "they still haunt my memory" it fits one of the vds but i forgot which one (…This is bad for my heart. Stop it. Besides, that’s what I’d like to know as well…)

i didn't put this in bc of the image limit (on mobile rn) but i want to talk about the chorus lyrics too.

"from the depths of hell, i've been climbing up my whole life. but perhaps i can look at this ruined future and lay a flower of hope upon it's grave, even now i'm still praying. we're still connected, i saw this day in my dreams" guys this line is just so es coded idk how to word it. "i've been climbing up for my whole life" feels similiar to how es bears to keep on going with 10 troublesome prisoners ("Yet I've been dealing with it this whole time! I've been desperately thinking about all of the prisoners, including you!") and ("I am watching over ten troublesome prisoners, after all. Even if I don’t want to, I’m being relied on.").

the scene is just like what i said before, their childish actions/behaviors are broadcasted to the world (in this scene it's on a big screen). also es fighting their own instincitual/childish desires is so real, they force themselves to put that wardenly facade and repress their childishness. (also the 'pray' on top is interesting). not talking about the lyrics since it really isn't important for now.

ok this is where we talk about the ca theory. the reason es trusts milgram so much is maybe because milgram supposedly "saved" them from their abusive household. how would you know they have an abusive household? you can see by how they react to physical touch and other stuff ("Don’t touch me like we’re friends.") and ("Hah? Stop staring at me so openly. It’s disgusting."). you can assume that they went through csa too. the fear of being touched and looked at does not come out of nowhere, it comes from previous traumatic events that made them uncomfortable with it. also, more stuff to add up to the csa theory ("It's a personal dislike of mine. People who acts based on their sexual urges like that, that is"). if we do use the ca theory, this whole scene fits so well. mr creepypasta literally saved sunao from his abuser.

for the last two scenes, no matter how hurt es is, they would still be focusing on milgram instead of themselves.

there's probably more things i want to talk about but i can't talk about it properly. anyways omg the new lyrics are so cool i love the way they gave effects on it.

i'm relatively new to eve lore so i probably made mistakes about these two characters (mr creepypasta and sunao) so im really just basing it off of the insomnia mv only. (i love mr creepypasta (for now)!!! (fun fact: i thought on one of the scenes, the hand was pouring boiling water on sunao was mr creepypasta and then i disliked them, i just realized after a few days that it's not them (and now i love them)) (i also really like sunao,,, the mipy ever (i dont know much about tobi but they're cool))

[sasori-rp]

A much needed Post

Good evening everyone, I hope you're all having a good day.💜

Yes, I probably tagged you in this, dear stranger. Before you click off, I ask you to give me 5 minutes of your time. Just 5, then you can go about your day. But I would appreciate it, if you listened to what I have to say, because it means a lot to me and many...many others.

I'm posting today, because this topic has been on my heart lately and I wanted to share my thoughts with you. I'm sure you've already guessed that this is about the whole Kisame-anon chaos.

Before we begin, I want to get this out of the way: This post is coming from a genuine and loving place. My goal is not to point fingers, nor placing blame or justify anyone's actions, including my own. This post is about me, trying to understand the entire situation and providing my sentiments to it.

Act I: Why do I not just shut up?

Why do I get involved you might ask? It's not so much that I want to get involved. It's more that any anon who begins their journey here, gets inevitably sucked into it. We are faced with angry posts, confusing explanations and forced to choose who to believe and support. If you don't, you walk on eggshells filled with guilt and if you do, you're being blocked by the entire half of the disagreeing party.

This is not what I signed up for.

I come on to Tumblr to Roleplay and have fun. I've been having a splendid time here. You guys are making me so happy as of late, allowing me to play freely and giving me a space for all my creative ideas. And I want to continue doing so.

I want to be able to chat up anyone, without fearing that someone else will jump at my throat for it. That includes Kisame, Hidan, Orochimaru and many more of you wonderdul RPers.

Recently I have noticed that I've been blocked by several people and I can guess, what the reason is. And it saddens me because...I like you guys. We were talking and sharing fun experiences, only for me to discover that I am suddenly cut off from it. For no other reason than that I interact with a person they have a quarrel with. And that is just...not the solution. So what is the solution?

Act II: The Anon War in a nutshell

Now, from my understanding, there is a big rift between two groups.

1) Those who have received digital harassment in form of hate/rape/death threats (and believe Kisame-anon to be the culprit)

and

2) Those who defend Kisame against those claims, or, like me, don't just blindly hop onto a hate train they saw on the internet

Again, my goal with this post is not to be the divine judge over who is in the right here. It is, objectively, pretty much impossible from an outsider's standpoint. And additionally, I don't think either of you is necessarily to blame for your individual reactions.

I absolutely feel for you guys, Hidan-anon and your friends. I, too, would be seething if someone I love was harrassed in the way Hidan (and co) has been. I do not know the extent of the harrassment. But I believe you when you say, that you've suffered. And I am very sorry you have been through that.

I also feel for Hidans friends, who, (bless their hearts) really are trying to protect them from further harm. An absolutely understandable sentiment.

I do however, also really feel for Kisame, who, (bear with me here) is probably being framed. They have been faced with a lot of backlash from party 1, have tried to defend themselves to no avail, up to the point of having to retreat. And all that...for what?

Act III: The Point I'm trying to make

Do none of you realise, that you're being pinned against each other?

There is a person (or perhaps several) that has harrassed Hidan-anon with very vile threats and they are getting away with it. There is someone out there, that is having the time of their life, watching you scratch each others eyes out, causing pain and suffering for everyone involved, while they sit back and watch the show.

Kisame-anon has not sent you these messages. They have proof of it. Wether you believe them or not, is up to you, but...

Do you really want to keep hurling hate at a person, that is just as much a victim as you are? A person who, themselves, is a victim of sexual abuse and would never even think of the idea of sending someone rape threats?

Would you not rather work together to bring that (pardon my french) asshat to justice, that is playing sick games with the both of you?

And mind you, it's not just Kisame you're isolating. You're isolating their friends, who are doing the same as you: Protecting those they care about.

You're isolating kind strangers like me, who just want to roleplay without the drama, by blocking them by mere association.

And you're isolating oblivious newcomers, who might have the misfortune of stumbling over the "wrong" blog at the wrong time.

This is not okay guys.

And coercing others into doing the same (blocking by association) is further doing damage, because many people just want to stay away from the drama and thus do as you say without much thought. The whole thing is harmful in itself, but it's worse, because you're doing it to the wrong person.

Kisame has evidence that they're innocent. Kisame also has a quite solid theory who it is. Do you not want to at least have a look at it?

If you truly care about the safety and wellbeing of your friends, I strongly suggest you do. Because the actual predator is still out there.

I am glad that Hidan went to the police. I hope that they find who is behind all of this and that they get taken care of for good. Because like things stand now, you're about to drag an innocent person to the guillotine and letting the true perpetrator go. And you're dividing an entire RP fandom, that used to be a safe space.

I don't want this to happen.

Act IV: So...what now?

I want this post to be a wake up call. A wake up call for all those who are as confused, as I was and unsure what to do; but also, especially, to Hidan-anon and friends. Please, let us put down arms and find a solution.

I care about you. And I care about Kisame. And I love this little RP space we built and the friends I made here. I want us to stand together, acknowledge each other's suffering and grow as people. Let us talk things out.

I want this post to be a safe place for exchange. Feel free to add your thoughts and sentiments in the comments. Everything is welcome, as long as it is respectful and communicated calmly. I am more than happy to provide you with a neutral ground to talk things out. My DMs and Asks are always open for anyone who needs an ear or a shoulder.

We, as Naruto fans, more than anyone else, should know that hate creates nothing but more hate. So let us lead with compassion and patience. And listen to each other. Thank you for your attention.

[khlorhine]

Jjk oc opinions

Kitagawa Tamaki edition

I don't have any new art so make do with this slightly older drawing that was hidden in a week old post. Please click the link for info on her background. That's her boyfriend to the side as a human, his name is Fuyuki Mitsuya.

It's mentioned later in the post but I prefer reading powerscaling stuff over shipping stuff so correct me if my characterisation if a character is wrong. I love making cursed techniques. Ask me about cursed techniques, I'll happily brainstorm some with you. I feel like my chaarcter is too much of a Mary sue because other than two characters in here everyone is either indifferent to her and doesn't hate her.

Mai Zenin

Mai only hung around Tamaki because she was strong. It's the same reason why Mai hangs around Todo although she prefers Tamaki over him because she didn't have as bad as a personality as him and she finds it easier to get along with girls. Tamaki liked this type of relationship at first because Mai didn't point out her irregularities, just silently judges her. Mai stopped after Tamaki got into a fight with her dad, Ogi, which in turn caused her to get into a fight with Naoya and lose. It put a bad impression on her clan so she just stopped talking to her for a while. She realised she relied too much on other people like how she relied to much on Maki back when she was in that clan. After that they're doing pretty great together. Also Tamaki’s trying to teach Mai how to use rct because she wants to see what a cursed technique reversal would look like with construction.

Kasumi Miwa

The only thing they had in common with one another was the fact that they used swords. There is another swordsman, two years above them (oc: Sai Mizuhara) but hes a first grade and barely had time to train her. Tamaki couldn't train very well with her since she doesn't have a technique to build on so she manipulated Miwa's cursed energy in a way that would emulate a few of her non innate techniques until she got the hang of it. In contrast Miwa helped her with barrier techniques because she just sucked at them, thinking they were literal shields rather than seperators of different zones. After Tamaki went through a switch in weapons their weaponry training started to pick up the pace. Their personalities don't mesh well though, Miwa thinks she's scary in the the same way she thinks Todo and Kamo are scary because she's always itching for a fight.

Kokichi Muta

Mechamaru has information on her that only the principal has like the fact that she killed her boyfriend, and when he came back as a curse she turned him into a human curse hybrid. His heavenly restriction was unfortunate but his (oc: Mitsuya Fuyuki) was deliberate. He empatises with him because it wasn't his choice in the matter, therefore he can't bring himself to like her. Tamaki does not like him either because his technique has a lot of potential that he just does not take advantage of.

(Ok I know this is opinions but there's like a whole body swapping part where a curse switches their body and I wanna write it so bad but I literally only have a third of Tamaki's backstory (mind you backstory it's still in the first arc) written so writing something like two arcs ahead is just stupid. Basically they start to respect each other because in Tamaki's body, mechamaru develops a heat blueprint (refer to the licked post up there) and Tamaki does some insane RCT in his body that can only be done with his amount of cursed energy using it basically how mahito does with his own body but with RCT. This is because mechamaru wants to live in a body where he's not in pain all the time and Tamaki wants to prove to him how cool his body is and also because she wants her body back she can't do her experiments as well as she normally can in his body)

Aoi Todo

He mistakenly thought she had a thing for cursed spirits when he first saw her and he respected her on the basis that she wasn't boring until she corrected him, telling him she would quite literally date anyone who talked to her because she talks too much about jujutsu and nobody liked her at her old school, which caused them to get into a fight. They're pretty good allies though since they're both strong and the fact that they were both initially trained by special grades before their enrollment. (I realise most of the characters compare her to him but I really am bad at describing relationships when all I want to do is make up overpowered abilities. I'm more of a powerscaler than a shipper)

Momo Nishimiya

She's kinda weak so I can't go on a tirade about improving techniques with my oc because tool manipulation in theory is super awesome but I don't know the limitations of her abilities. It's definitely not weight since she can carry a fucking panda and three humans including herself on the broom. It probably has to do with focus, I guess she just can't split it between two different tools but if that's the case why can't she carry around a spare knife to throw at someone when she's not on her broom. That leads me to another theory where she can only manipulate objects she herself cursed but she's not part of the main cast so why do I even care so much.

Being serious here, Nishimiya is cool with Tamaki because she often breaks gender norms though Tamaki cannot get along with her because she used to care so much about not being normal that having a reminder that she's actively go against that makes her freak a little because she already knows all that she just doesn't want anyone to vocalise it to her. Also she feels her technique is under utilised.

Noritoshi Kamo

Noritoshi does not like Tamaki because she's experimented with making human curse hybrids before. Her obsession with his evil namesake ancestor doesn't help either. He can respect her for her strength but Tamaki genuinely can't understand why his clan is in the big three when the six eyes and ten shadows are much better techniques than blood manipulation which doesn't help their relationship. She beats the fuck out of his half brother (oc: Takayoshi Kamo, he's doing illegal stuff so it's justified sort of), takes away his technique(s because he eats a death painting and gets blood manipulation) so now he just sees her the same way he sees Todo. Bad personality but reliable. Also free rct. She heals him when he asks and she's also teaching him how to use it as long as he does her favours like ask his half-brother stupid questions in his jail cell or give her his blood or let her take a peak at the remaining eight death paintings. Stuff like that.

Arata Nitta

Arata just sees her as a bit overbearing because she fixates specifically on him for rct training. His technique is really useful in medical situations and Kyoto tech does not have a dedicated healer. This so also because she killed her boyfriend and in the moment developed rct but was very sucky with it so having someone like Arata to step in would've been pretty good so it's mainly done out of guilt for being a sucky person.

Iori Utahime

Utahime understood her situation from Gojo and tried her best to guide her in the right direction. Tamaki, at the time, couldn't respect her at all because she only cared about hyper offensive techniques and her aggression fucked her over in a few fights. After that Utahime suggested she practice weapon forms, kind of like Utahime's dances and she got better at handing her emotions and started respecting her teacher.

Yoshinobu Gakuganji

He wants her DRUGGED, BEAT, EXCECUTED, BURNED, AND THROWN INTO THE OCEAN. jk it's not that serious but he does want her dead. She used to work with Geto and he thinks she's a bad influence on his students since he cares about them so much. He's a traditionalist in every way and everything Tamaki does is the complete opposite of what he wants. He prefers her in Kyoto tech rather than Tokyo tech because this way she can be closer supervised and taken care of the moment she steps out of line unlike in Tokyo where Gojo would be prevent that.

Tsukumo Yuki

They can respect each other but they just don't get along. Yuki wants a world without cursed energy but jujutsu is the only thing Tamaki is good at so to take it away would make her life miserable. It doesn't help that Tamaki’s technique could also be used to increase or reduce someone's cursed energy levels or take away techniques so Yuki has an excuse to bug her. They like to talk about research but it gets real awkward when Yuki tries to bring up that subject. It also gets awkward when Tamaki starts accidently talking about evil ancestor Noritoshi because no jujutsu sorcerer likes him. Tamaki really likes Tsukumo in terms of jujutsu. She knows rct, domain expansion, it's very heavy hitting which is what Tamaki likes.

Suguru Geto

He was her mentor. They have pretty similar techniques since they can both manipulate curses so he was a great teacher for her. Geto can give commands to his cursed but they can think for themselves, Tamaki's just takes away whatever free will they have and contorts their body since she can't manipulate their souls, just the part of them that is cursed energy but whatever overlap they had was very helpful. Initially he wanted to keep her away from all this because she didn't hate non-sorcerers. He's got a soft spot for her and while he was dying, rather than tell her to regroup with the others he told her to go to Satoru Gojo because that kind of path would've been better for her. Shes not very grateful for that because she could've been working with Kenjaku if she had gone back but she doesn't hate him for that because that's just stupid and he was a really nice teacher to her.

Kenjaku

He inherited Geto's soft spot for her when he took over his body. She has a very clear obsession with him because of his want for pushing jujutsu to its limit meanwhile Kenjaku thinks she's a great back up body if Geto's were to ever perish because she's got a good technique. Kenjaku's genuinely never heard of her before he took over his body but he finds her interesting even without her technique with what he knows now. They don't share the same opinions on some things though. Kenjaku is very disappointed with all his creations because they never go beyond himself, meanwhile Tamaki loves his creations because they're the physical proof of what jujutsu could be and the building blocks of most of her creations which she loves very much so she could never understand why he'd even be disappointed. Being able to create something, anything is an amazing feat, especially for someone as academically challenged as she is.

Choso

Tamaki really likes him but never tried to talk to him because she knows Noritoshi finds her gross for liking Kenjaku but she doesn't care because they still work together fine regardless of that but with Choso so she wants to respect his boundaries and they are never forced into working with eachother so they can't even form a similar relationship to what she has with Noritoshi. Choso doesn't hate her though because if Yuji is fine with her then he is too. He knows she only likes Kenjaku for his research but telling this to her isn't his main priority since they're not really a big thing in eachothers lives.

Yuji Itadori

They met after her head injury so she was a bit crazy compared to how she was with Megumi and Nobara when they talked. She was in the room when Sukuna revived him and his body was what interested her the most because it was strong like someone with a heavenly restriction but also held tons of cursed energy thanks to sukuna's fingers. She's weird around him because of sukuna, she likes to ask questions about what it's like being a vessel and holding another person inside your body so obviously he thinks she's weird but from what he's heard from Kugisaki and Fushiguro she's reliable so he thinks that too.

Megumi Fushiguro

They met when she was working under Geto. Tamaki never told him this though but he was aware of the fact that she's a curse user, he just chose not to mention it to anyone but Gojo picked up on it because duh he has the six eyes. Megumi thinks she has a good personality since she got along with his sister in the time Tsumiki was still alive and conscious. During the sister exchange event he was surprised to see her again as a sorcerer and not a curse user and they exchanged contacts after it. The ten shadows is a very good technique so she's really excited to see him eventually tame all the ten shadows. (That never happens through megumis hands) At least she has his permission to disect him when he dies.

Nobara Kugisaki

They initially met in a one off interation when she was still working with Geto. Nobara thought she was kinda wimpy but the wimpy type that she should protect because she's a city girl and not used to the countryside. During the sister exchange event Nobara was happy to see her and was pleasantly surprised to see Tamaki be a bit unhinged. They also got each others contact after that. Tamaki also enjoys Nobara technique. Techniques that are accociated with the soul are really interesting to her.

-----

For the next bit I have to say Tamaki was involved in the night parade on Geto's side like she was literally with him and fighting yuta and stuff and she also fought a few of the Tokyo seconds years.

-----

Maki Zenin

Tamaki thinks she hates her for being aligned with Geto when they met. Maki can empathise with her because Tamaki did it to practice jujutsu when she couldn't under her uncles supervision and Maki moved from Kyoto to Tokyo so she can get revenge on her clan so they're not that different. Tamaki thinks her heavenly restriction is cool and (unlike another person with a heavenly restriction) she's making the most of it. Maki would like to see what weapons Tamaki has inside her cursed spirit's inventory. (It's mainly non-weaponty like furniture, dirt, sand, stuff that you can throw at an opponent and now care about wasting stuff)

Inumaki Toge

Not much to say to eachother. They don't talk (haha get it) so they can't form personal opinions on each other. She can form opinions on his jujutsu though. It's decent but the drawbacks aren't worth it in her opinion for someone of his caliber but he's utilising it the best he can and he's a fast runner. She's never seen him do hand to hand or use weapons and imbue them with cursed energy. Maybe it's a binding vow to increase his speech technique.

Panda

He's a panda, pandas don't hold grudges or at least that's what I think he would say. She thinks his technique is OK but it's really all Yaga's doing so she's not very interested in him.

Yuta Okkotsu

He beat her in a fight once and all he got from that is that she's mentally unstable and should seek help (she won't). Because he's not much of a fighter his opinion of her ties strictly to her background and not her capabilities. He can relate with her because they both have dead lovers that they kind of brought back from the dead in a weird and twisted way. He thinks she should try to let her dead bf go because it'll help her mental health (She really doesn't want him to point that out though because she know it's healthier for her but she just doesn't want to let him go).

Kinji Hakari

He thinks she has a lot of fever. She's always itching for a fight so he likes her. Tamaki likes him, he's easy to get along with and he's also the basis for a few of her moves. Their domain hand signs both come from the seven lucky gods and the 24 devas (benzaiten and bishamonten) so they're good buds.

Kirara Hoshi

Tamaki thinks her technique is really cool while Kirara likes her for her hair. Somehow it's not damaged from all of Tamaki's black hair dye. (Idk what else to say, Kirara has only ever been shown using it once as far as I'm aware, defensively but I'm sure she makes good use of it. I can imagine it being used as a homing missile and stuff. It's such a cool concept.)

Satoru Gojo

So they officially met after Geto's death and he kind of sees her as the last bit of Geto, like a gift from him to Gojo. Obviously this means he has to protect her but it was her choice to go to Kyoto tech so it was harder to do the from Tokyo, especially with how much trouble she causes but shes still somehow alive. Gojo thinks her curse is kinda cute, if not a bit unhealthy. Love is a curse and something something idk where I was going with that. Tamaki honestly regrets not going to Tokyo tech to study under him. He's very strong and with his six eyes he could honestly give her some really helpful pointers. She knows more than she should about him because of Geto lol.

Shoko Ieiri

Besties honestly. Shoko was the one who helped refine Tamaki’s rct. Every once in a while Tamaki goes to Tokyo to talk to her and also take off some of her workload.

Masamichi Yaga

He can make an army but he chooses not to, the fuck? At least everyone who comes out of his school is strong.

[majesty-madness]

"Liquid Grief" - Bucky Barnes x reader (sfw)

Summary: Parties were never her thing, especially when alcohol is involved.

Word Count: 3700+

Warnings: angst, crying, panic attack, anxiety, alcohol consumption, mentions of being drunk/tipsy, past trauma, mentions of family problems

a/n: I won’t say too much, but I will say that this is based on a bit of my own experiences. So I just want to say that if you’ve been through something like this you are not alone, and because it’s difficult to bring up this topic with people I know, writing it out in a story helps me process through it. And if this helps you in some way, I’m glad you found comfort in it.

Also, I know the title is a little weird; it was kind of an ironic twist on the whole “liquid courage” phrase. Not proofread.

Main Masterlist

She couldn’t believe she agreed to be here. 

This was the absolute last place she wanted to be right now, and yet here she was; on the top floor of the Avengers base in New York, probably Tony’s most ritzy floor in the entire building. 

Tony decided for one reason or another to have a small party to celebrate their successful missions as of late, and that was fine but eventually people who had nothing to do with the Avengers showed up until it was packed. 

That was just one of the downsides to having Tony as a friend, he invited way too many people.

Tony had invited Bucky as well despite their history, seeing as how he was a friend to Steve and Tony considered Steve his friend so to each his own. 

Y/N could tell the moment they arrived that Bucky had been slightly nervous as well, and it was because of his nervousness that Y/N was adamant in staying. Not to mention that her best friend, Natasha would also be there. 

No matter how uncomfortable Y/N was at the party, she felt that since she was such a homebody that she should try to enjoy something she didn’t usually participate in. 

A whole lot of good that turned out to be. 

As soon as Y/N got there, Natasha had been distracted by a retired SHIELD agent who she knew but Y/N did not. 

And while she originally stayed with Bucky, Sam quickly dragged him away once he saw the man.

It left Y/N to fend for herself, which meant talking to people she barely knew. 

To make matters worse, every single person there was drinking. Wine, beer, whiskey, vodka, you name it, someone had it. 

The sight of any kind of alcohol made Y/N anxious. It reminded her too much of her family. 

When they began to drink they acted like completely different people, people she didn’t recognize and while her family had never done anything to hurt her, in some way it still pained her seeing how they could barely get through one day without a drink in their hands. 

She remembered the countless times she timidly admitted that she was worried because they drank so much and acted like…well not themselves. Sadly after saying so she’d be met with anger or frustration at the fact that she pointed out their unprecedented behavior. 

They would go on to say she didn’t know what she was talking about and that she was judging them, trying to tell them she thought she was better than they were.

Though once they’d sober up, they apologized for how they behaved and the guilt was clear in their eyes, but the damage was already done. 

So nowadays, alcohol (no matter the form) put her on edge. 

However, Y/N wasn’t going to prance around telling people they were wrong for drinking alcohol because in small doses, drinking was okay. It wouldn’t kill you to have an occasional drink, but when someone needed it every day, that was a problem. A problem she didn’t know how to deal with. 

Was it a problem though? Was she being dramatic? Maybe too sensitive or emotional? Perhaps a prude for her grudge against the fermented beverage? 

That’s what Y/N thought at least. 

Her brain rationalized that she was a weirdo, an odd duck because she refused to drink. 

I mean if everyone else was such a big fan of it, then why wasn’t she? 

Quickly, Y/N shook her head out of the creeping thoughts that entered without her permission.

Her ears suddenly tuned back to the receptionist that had been talking to her for the majority of the night, not missing the glass of wine in the lady’s hand. 

“Do you think that a date to a cafe is boring?” The young woman asked her. 

Y/N blinked a few times, trying to get her head back to reality. “Uh, no I don’t think so. Bucky and I go to the cafe all the time.” 

The girl tilted her head to the side, eyes squinting in confusion. “Bucky?”

“Oh! I’m sorry, you probably don’t know who that is, um…it’s that man over by the bar. The one with gloves and black leather jacket.” Y/N quickly explained while she pointed to Bucky talking to Sam at the bar. 

The lady turned to look over her shoulder immediately seeing him and expressing that she saw him. “Oh, yeah! James Barnes, right? The guy who used to be the Winter Soldier. How is he? Ya know, adjusting to the modern times.”

The mention of the name HYDRA gave him, caused Y/N to pause and slowly process what she was asking. 

God, she needed to get out of here. Her anxiety was short circuiting her brain. 

“Uh.. he’s fine I guess, things are still a bit new for him so it's a work in progress.” 

She watched the lady nod, cheerily, a little too cheerily when another woman walked over. Someone Y/N, yet again, did not know. 

“Hey, Christine! How are you?” 

The receptionist beamed with a smile. “I’m doing great, Nicole, how are you? Did you get that new job?”

The two ladies began to chit chat amongst themselves, side stepping Y/N’s existence entirely. Not that she really gave a shit since she didn’t know these girls personally. 

Though she decided to stay for another ten minutes in case one of them did want to talk to her, but once the topic of the woman, Nicole's dog came up, Y/N ditched the conversation all together. 

Her feet subconsciously carried her to the man she desperately wanted to be beside. 

Y/N heard the familiar sound of Bucky’s laughter at something Sam said, causing the slightest of smiles to appear across her face. 

Unfortunately, the smile vanished when her eyes caught the shape of two shot glasses sitting beside them on top of the bar. 

Don’t freak out. She scolded herself, putting on an act as she stepped beside the two men. 

“Hey.”

Bucky met her gaze first, his hand coming up instinctively to rest on her back. “Hey, Doll.” 

“What are you guys up to?” Y/N asked while faking a casual attitude. 

“Just trading stories.” Bucky said, grinning from ear to ear. 

Clearly, he was completely relaxed, and Y/N knew that was thanks to Sam. He definitely had the lighthearted aura that Bucky needed, someone who let him look forward to the future. 

“And playing an old drinking game.” Sam added loudly over top of the music that was playing.

Suddenly her throat felt dry like she just swallowed sand. It was beginning to get hard to breath, to think, to calm down. The familiar rush of panic began to rise from the pit of her stomach to her heart causing it to thump harshly. 

Oh no. 

Y/N gulped. “Oh yeah…” 

“Yeah, so how about you join us?” Sam suggested, already pouring liquor into another shot glass. He held it up in front of him, toward Y/N. 

She felt her heart rate spike right then as she eyed the brown-ish colored liquid with an all too familiar smell. 

“No thanks, I’m good.” She declined politely, trying to keep her voice from cracking. 

Sam pushed it closer to her. “Oh come on, don’t be like that. Just one.” 

Sweat began to fall from her pores, her throat felt tight, and her tongue was heavy. For a second, she doubted she could speak at all. 

“I said no, Sam, I-I don’t want it.” Her nerves caused her body to tremble with anxiety, the recipe for a panic attack. 

Her brain knew exactly what was happening, making her repeat the same phrase in her mind. 

Don’t freak out. 

Don’t freak out. 

Don’t Freak Out. 

DON’T Freak Out.

DON’T FREAK OUT!

“One shot, that’s it.” Sam persisted.

Then she snapped. “I SAID, I didn’t want it, Sam!” 

As quickly as it came the shocked expression on both Bucky and Sam’s face, cleared away the anger and what washed over her was an enormous amount of guilt. 

Her eyes darted between the two men, sight becoming clouded with tears. “I- I’m so sorry…” 

She actually whimpered before turning on her heel, and sprinting right out the door on that floor. 

Y/N barely made it into the hallway when the tears rolled down her flushed cheeks. She sobbed as she ran down the empty space, hoping to get out from the four walls as soon as possible. 

Luckily, she was aware of a balcony just around the corner.

On the first day that she visited the inside of the Avengers base, she had found a little balcony tucked away a few floors below the very top. When at the vase, she spent a lot of time on that balcony just taking in the city view. 

It was the perfect spot to go unbothered for long periods of time and now she desperately needed that. 

She took a sharp right turn down another hallway, breaking off into a section that was the balcony. She pushed past the glass door, and stumbled outside until her body collided with the railing. 

Her hands gripped the railing, body hutching over, and breaths coming out in hurried huffs of air. 

Knowing that no one would hear her from below or above, Y/N let herself openly cry into the night air. 

Every little memory of her family drinking, every thought of frustration or sadness, every time she’d been rejected came to the forefront of her mind. Despite all the years that passed, the despair still felt fresh. 

She selfishly wished they would’ve stopped drinking, stopped acting like idiots, stopped promising they’d stop then do it again, stopped betraying her trust, stopped dismissing her when she expressed her concern. 

Just stopped. 

Y/N knew that they were only human, and humans were inherently flawed; of course she knew that. She had largely forgiven the times they hurt her, as she was sure that they forgave her when she hurt them, but she could never shake the sorrow of this ongoing problem. 

How many times did she have to go through this before it stopped hurting? 

What was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to solve this? 

Had she not done enough? Too much?

What did she do wrong?

That last thought caused her body to go slack against the railing, and fall to the balcony floor. She sat on her knees with her hands planted to the floor, tears dripping from her cheeks as her face looked down. 

It had been a long time since she last cried so hard, and she already could feel her eyes swelling from the pressure. 

Y/N continued to cry for several minutes, heavy pants escaping her mouth even as she attempted to calm her breathing. It just wasn’t happening. 

Nothing pulled her out of her broken state until she heard the sound of someone stepping out onto the balcony. 

“Y/N?” A familiar voice gently spoke. 

She might’ve stopped crying had it been anyone else, but not Bucky. However, she made no attempt to speak, instead she shook her head. 

He stepped even closer to her, pausing just short of a few steps then crouched down. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

Finally, she found her voice. “I just don’t understand. I don’t understand why they drank so much because all it does is make them act like fools, act like people I don’t know.” 

The confession left Bucky a little confused as he wasn’t sure who she was referring to, but he stayed silent, simply letting her get it out. 

“They didn’t used to, they used to have fun without it, used to live without it. But once they started, they never stopped. And it was always so much, but when I told them I was worried for them they got angry with me, like I was attacking them.” She paused as a sob stuttered out. 

Bucky placed both hands on her shoulders, fully sinking down onto the floor with her. 

“I just wanted them to take care of themselves, I wanted them to go back to the way they used to be, be the people I know instead of being these entirely different people.” She brought one of her hands to cover her mouth to somehow silence the gut wrenching cry that hurt her throat. 

That time Bucky wrapped his arms around her, bringing her inside his warm embrace. She reciprocated by doing the same, tucking her face into his shoulder, and blind to the tear marks she left on his jacket. 

“I love them so much, and I just wanted them to be okay, to be healthy. But all I ever got was rejection, especially whenever I said that it made me uncomfortable when they drank. It’s like they didn’t care! No matter what, it just-” 

She didn’t finish opting to cry and hold Bucky as if he were her lifeline. In a way, he was. 

He cradled the back of her head, the other arm securing her body against him. “Shh, shh it’s okay, sweetheart it’s okay. I’m here.” 

Bucky felt Y/N shake her head on his shoulder. “I feel so stupid for being so upset, because I know that a lot of people drink, it’s me that’s the weird one.”

“No, darling, you’re not.” 

“They made so many promises, saying they would stop but they never did and I tried to be understanding. I really did, but it didn’t matter. We ended up right back to where we started. I don’t know what to do or how I’m supposed to feel. I hate this!” 

Y/N was breathing hard, so much so Bucky thought she was on the cusp of hyperventilating. “Darling, I know that this is hard, but I need to take a deep breath. On three, you’ll breathe through your nose then out through your mouth okay?” 

“I can’t..” She shook her head, making a gasping like sound when she sobbed again. 

“You can, I promise. Just breathe with me, listen to me. One..two..three, breath in.” Bucky then inhaled through his nose, hearing Y/N do the same albeit a little shaky. “Breathe out…” 

Both of them exhaled through the mouth, and he noticed that she trembled a little less now. 

“That’s good, let’s try it again okay? Breathe in….” 

She closed her eyes, following his instructions. 

“Breathe out…” 

They did that together several more times, and Y/N eventually came back to the present and calmly took in the world around her. The warmth of his embrace, the sound of his breathing, his heartbeat, the hand rubbing her back up and down, all of it.

Instead of being forced back to the real world, it felt as though someone had gently grabbed a hold of her hand and guided her back to a place of serenity. 

Bucky carefully pulled back, letting his hands stay on her back. “Are you okay? Feel a little calmer?”

Y/N gave a slight nod, wiping away a few of her tears. 

“Tell me what’s wrong, I promise I’ll listen, I’ll do whatever you need.” He reassured as he kept his voice low and soft so he wouldn’t overwhelm her. 

So she told him. 

She told him about how when she was a kid, her family began to drink and had never stopped. How irresponsibly they acted, how mad they got at her for bringing it up, their apologies while heartfelt didn’t change anything, and how much it had impacted her over the years as well as how silly she felt for being so panicked about it. 

In her mind, alcohol was something that everyone in the entire world had and took part in and so she thought perhaps she was the inconvenient one for choosing a different way of life. 

“That’s a lot to deal with.” Bucky said hushedly, sitting on the floor beside Y/N. 

She resorted to pulling her knees up to rest her chin on top of them. “I know.”

There was a lul of silence between them, the sounds of the bustling city way down below the only thing they could hear. 

Then Y/N sighed, throat still thick from crying. “The thing that kills me is that they’re good people, I mean they gave me a great childhood and everything. I just want better for them.” 

Bucky shook his head in her defense. “But Y/N you can still love them and not agree with the choices they make. And even if drinking is something a lot of people do, you’re not stupid for wanting nothing to do with it.”

“I know that too. It makes me sad though, they can’t seem to live without it; that’s not who they used to be.” 

Y/N felt the slightest bit of tears return to her eyes causing her to lift her head up and look toward the sky. 

Bucky noticed right away so he wrapped one arm around her shoulder, and tugged her toward him. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s alright to be sad about it, but listen: you are not responsible for what your family decides to do. They have the freedom to make those choices, that’s not something you can control.” 

She looked over to the love of her life, all teary eyed and despaired. Bucky lifted his hand up to wipe a lone tear that managed to escape. 

“If what you said is true, then your family does care about you. That’s a good thing, but they can’t expect you to be alright with the actions that make you uncomfortable and they’ll have to accept that you're not okay with it.” 

Y/N laid her head on his shoulder, face tucked into his neck. He then brought both of his arms around her, beginning to slowly rock back and forth. “What’s important is that you focus on trying to live your life, and not letting them take over your’s. Yes, continue to love them, but ultimately they gotta own their own decisions and not rely on you to tell them.”

He felt the familiar movement of her nodding as she pushed herself further into his side. He was a bit convinced that if she could disappear into him, she would. 

Most times, he felt the same. 

“Bucky?” Her small voice made its way to his ears. 

“Yes?” He whispered back to her. 

“I love you.” 

The super soldier smiled that time. “I love you too, sweetheart.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“No, no, no. None of that.” The man quickly interjected. “You don’t let me apologize for the problems I have so I won’t let you.” 

For the first time that night, Y/N laughed. “Okay, okay, I won’t apologize. Sorry.”

Bucky sighed. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Love me.” Y/N said, pulling back from his shoulder to kiss his cheek. 

“I believe I already do that, Doll.” He smirked then leaned into kiss her cheek too.

Suddenly, Bucky jerked back a bit and immediately went to his back pocket and he pulled out his phone. 

“It’s Sam.” He clicked the answer button then held it up to his ear. “Yeah, Sam?” 

Sitting next to him, Y/N made out some of what was being said, but not all of it. All she could gauge from the conversation was what Bucky said aloud. 

“I’m with her right now. She’s okay now, why?” 

He paused for a moment before pulling the phone away from his ear. “He said he wants to talk to you, are you okay with that?”

“Yeah.” Y/N took the phone from his hand and held it up. “Sam?”

“Y/N, I just want to say I’m sorry for being like that. I am a little tipsy, and I know I can be a bit much when I’m tipsy so I’m really sorry.” 

Y/N managed to smile. “It’s okay, Sam. And I’m sorry for yelling at you, I wasn’t really mad at you, it's just I let some…personal stuff get to me and I took it out on you.”

“No, it’s alright. I was being pushy, so next I promise I’ll tone it down.”

“Thanks, Sam. I appreciate that. Have a good night.” As soon as she heard him say good night, she handed the phone back to Bucky. He quickly said his goodbye then hung up. 

After he put his phone into his pocket, he looked to Y/N. “What do you say to some Chinese food and a movie back home?” 

“I’d like that.” She eagerly agreed, her once saddened expression turned delighted. 

“Alrighty then.” Bucky breathed, clapping his hands together briefly like he was gathering his thoughts before getting up off the ground. He held his hand out to Y/N who took it without hesitation, letting him pull her up from the floor. 

When she got to her feet, Bucky pulled her against his chest, eyes staring lovingly down at her. “You ready?” 

“I’m ready.” 

He pecked her lips, taking pride in her slightly embarrassed expression coupled with a bashful grin. 

Bucky grabbed a hold of her hand, intertwining their fingers together and gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

Y/N did the same, giggling when he looked back at her while heading back inside the building. The entire time, from the base to the Chinese restaurant to their apartment, Y/N’s mind kept returning to the moment she panicked to the moment Bucky found her and helped her. 

That always happened whenever the shit hit the fan, however, she realized this had been the first time she had someone to tell about what was going on inside her head. He was the first person to listen and not get upset because she admitted what was bothering her. 

She couldn’t tell her family about this problem because they were the problem, so she kept it inside. 

Having Bucky by her side reminded her that she didn’t have to live life alone, stuck in her head, but instead could work through these problems without being judged. 

For that, she was grateful. Unyieldingly grateful.

a/n: If you’re reading this, thanks for making it all the way through. Sorry if this was a convoluted mess, things were really tough for me yesterday and it’s kind of difficult to explain and kinda makes no sense, but writing in this form helps a little. Regardless, hope you guys are having a good day. Looking forward to finishing the next chapter for “A Past Encounter,” so keep an eye out for that. 

[nocturnal-phantoms-fandoms]

C A T for the ask game please hehe 😻

Cat!! My dearest Shrutual <3333

(Im going to answer alphabetically. Also this got so long omg)

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

I do have OTPs :D wolfstar and stucky (also previously: klance but im not into them as much anymore)

I even have a meme for this occasion:

other ships from the marauders fandom:

wolfstarbucks <333 wolfbucks and prongsfoot are alright too but not in the long run, I think I prefer them as a trio (everyone is there and all is well and everyone is happy. I get sad when R isnt there and im worried about S's whereabouts when he isnt there, so. Trio)

jily - i wouldnt call myself a jily shipper per se, but its also very dear to me <3333. Would choose a fic with them as a supporting ship over alternatives when reading r/s , thats for sure.

james & sirius friendship but also remus & james friendship!!

basically... sirius and remus and sometimes james an lily. in any configuration at this point

(there are other ships I like from hp, mcu and other fandoms but im not into them that much at this very moment)

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

Oh boy. Do I have to choose just one?

Stony.

... Ok that wasnt that hard.

I dont like Tony, I dont care about him, I dont like their relationship we saw in the films (tho i havent read the comics so im judging just the films), Im not into enemies to lovers, there is nothing for me there. zero, zip, nada.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

Thats a really hard question bc apart from fighting "mainstream" fanon with canon info i dont think im that invested about most headcanons? so, i will try. i will not elaborate tho.

if sirius was into any muggle subculture it would be punk

black brothers weren't tortured with cruciatus every other day for any minor inconvenience they caused. sirius was abused psychologically and emotionally and until the last second walburga hoped he would come back and take the role of the heir he was supposed to.

regulus wasnt forced into becoming a DE, but he did it bc he wanted to prove himself

alphard was gay and had muggle lover(s)

sirius would become a curse breaker, a social worker, an activist, a mechanic or an engineer or something like that. idk why but i dont like it when he's a healer/doctor. However I can see sirius joining the aurors with james, but i think he would resign not long after finishing training when he realises he cant fix the system from the inside. idk if james would resign tho.

if we assume that the marauders form a pack, its not remus who is the alpha, even while in wolf form

the last one im adding just bc i saw a post about it right before i started answering this ask: the full moon doesnt make remus horny. its a traumatic experience for him and he associates it with everything he fears - pain and loosing control. for a few days before the full he feels sick and weak and he hates everything and sirius has to fight tooth and nail to just get him under a blanket for a cuddle. right after the full he is exhausted and in pain. the further from the full the easier it is to get him in the mood, basically. (i feel like im the only one. at least on this one post every response was the opposite. i read just one ff with a similar thing - where its the new moon that makes werewolves horny.) i am not opposed to remus being horny right after the full tho

las one I just remembered: the hogwarts express has more than two stops. for gods sake. those kids arent travelling to London from Edinburgh just to spend the whole day on the train on the way back. (check out this map) all of the stations have platforms like 3 ⅓, 2 ⅚ and so on of course.

ask game

[actress4him]

Querencia 15 - Park Day

The enthusiastic response I got on the last piece I posted helped motivate me to keep going! This is the actual chronologically next chapter, coming in a month or two after Mind Control. Enjoy!

Taglist: @darthsutrich , @inky-whump , @painful-pooch , @pigeonwhumps , @bookworm2107

Previous | Next | Masterlist

Contains: referenced mind control, referenced parental abandonment, fear of abandonment, broken bone, a couple more warnings in the tags to avoid spoilers here

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Things have been fairly normal since the whole “supervillain getting in Jamil’s head and making him attack everyone” incident. Dagger is still a near-weekly problem, along with Meltdown and whoever else he happens to be hanging out with at the moment. Other villains come and go, too, some low-level Supers like Reaper and Gibbous, along with non-Super nuisances that the team does their best to curb, too - bank robbers and muggers and kidnappers and such.

No one has heard anything from or about Luna. Then again, no one had heard of her before the incident, either. Which means she’s probably still out there, and could very well be biding her time until she can strike again. None of them ever really talk about her, but Liliana can feel anxiety hanging in the air that wasn’t there before, especially on poor Jamil’s part.

Luna knows exactly where they live, what they look like without their masks on. Probably knows their names and where they work, thanks to rummaging through Jamil’s brain. So not only could she easily return, but she could also tell others the information she learned. They don’t know who she might be associated with. They managed to pin down Reaper one day and quiz him about her and any other new villains in town, but he was less than helpful on the subject.

Even if they could track her down and catch her, Liliana has learned from snippets of conversation that they really have nothing to do with her. It’s something she’s never thought of before, but one reason that there are still so many supervillains around is that there’s no way to arrest them. The government likely could detain them, but no one trusts that it would be humane or that the heroes wouldn’t also be captured in the process of trying to hand them over. Just the thought of the government locking them up makes Liliana sick to her stomach, villains or not.

Normal jails can’t handle them. Normal courtrooms can’t, either, in order to convict them to send them to jail. And no hero wants to be in charge of locking them away themselves, even if they did have the space and technology.

So all they can do for now is damage control, really. Try to stop their crimes as often as they can, try to disrupt whatever plans they have. She doesn’t envy the team their jobs. Between supervillains, regular criminals, and their day jobs, they’re constantly busy.

Every other Saturday, though, after everyone who’s working gets home, they make it a point to go do something together. Since Liliana’s been with them they’ve seen a couple of movies, gone to an arcade, had a picnic, gone to the mall, and eaten out at restaurants a few times. Every experience is a huge deal for her, though she tries to make light of the awe she feels. It’s just been so long since she’s done such normal, fun things. Sometimes she feels like she’s watching someone else’s life.

Today, they’re at the city park. No one can remember whose idea it was to start with, but “the children” - as Quinn likes to fondly dub Nari, Alex, and Jamil - went crazy over the thought of playing on the playground, so here they are. It’s late enough that all of the actual children have gone home. Jamil is trying out every slide, while Quinn judges Nari and Alex in a series of competitions on the monkey bars. Liliana watches everyone from the side, a small smile on her face, but every once in a while she glances over at the empty swings.

Swinging used to be her favorite. Especially on park or school swings like these, with the long chains that could take you so high you felt like you were flying. She and Mila used to see who could go the highest, and try to swing themselves right over the top bar.

It feels silly and childish now. She can’t swing herself right now, anyway. She healed another broken rib - on Nari this time - earlier this week, just a couple of weeks after the pain from Alex’s had finally faded. So there’s no way that she can pump the chains on a swing.

Still…she could just sit in one. That won’t hurt anything. Glancing over at the chin-up contest again, she makes her way over and settles into the plastic seat, gloved hands gripping the chains loosely. Her toes just barely reach the ground, giving her enough leverage that she can give herself a little push. The swing rocks gently. Liliana watches her sneakers as they brush across the dirt, back and forth. She pushes again and swings a little more. Such a simple motion, but it brings so many childhood memories flooding into her mind.

“May I give you a push?”

The sudden question makes her jump and look back over her shoulder, though she recognizes the voice. Jamil is standing behind her with a smile on his face, cheeks flushed from his adventures down the slides.

“Oh, um…y-you don’t have to, I’m…I’m fine.”

“I know I don’t have to, but I’d like to, if you’d like to swing. If not, I’ll leave you be!”

Now her mind is at war. She automatically wants to say no, not wanting to inconvenience him or make him do things for her.

She also really, really wants to swing.

Somehow, without her actually deciding what to say, “Sure?” slips out.

“Alright, hang on!”

Suddenly, she’s flying through the air, and it’s exactly how she remembers it. Colors rush by as the wind blows her curls back off her shoulders, then tangles them around her cheeks again. She grabs onto the chains tighter. Her legs automatically fall into a pumping motion, toes pointing out at the horizon, her eyes bright with exhilaration.

Yes, it pulls at her rib a bit. But she finds she doesn’t really care.

She’s been swinging for a few minutes, oblivious to anything else around her, when another voice breaks in. “Hold on tight, I’m coming through!” A set of hands grab the swing by her hips and shove forward, higher and faster until she’s sure she actually is going to go over the top bar, or more likely, fall out the back of the swing. She squeals in shock, though this sensation is familiar, too. Then she’s dropped abruptly, her stomach following the motion, the swing’s momentum twisting it back and forth as it reaches the bottom again.

Alex is turned around watching her, laughing. He’d come up from behind and grabbed the swing, running all the way underneath it.

Her brother used to do the very same thing, back when she was small enough he could lift her.

“Did I scare you?”

“A, a little.” She’s smiling, though. She can’t help it, even with the pain in her side and the melancholy of missing what used to be.

These people…they treat her like a family should. Better than her family ever did, though she feels like a traitor for thinking it.

She shouldn’t fall for it. If her real family taught her anything, it’s that what seems like love and care won’t last and can’t be trusted. If her own flesh and blood eventually turned on her, then she can’t expect people who were strangers a few months ago to be any different.

But right now, she’s shoving those thoughts deep, deep down. She can worry about all of that later. Right now, for once, she’s going to let herself enjoy the moment.

Nari is shoving and punching Alex and playfully fussing at him for scaring Liliana, and Jamil has jumped up on the swing next to her, standing on one foot and pumping with his arms. She doesn’t move from her spot, just keeps smiling and watching their antics. They’re so full of life and joy, even with the stress they constantly face.

Before long Quinn takes up Jamil’s position without a word, and she’s swinging again. Alex and Jamil balance on the seesaw, attempting circus tricks, screaming like girls when Nari uses her power to make the metal move beneath them, which sends her into fits of laughter.

It’s late when they finally pile into Quinn’s car to head back to HQ. Everyone is tired in a contented way. Alex leans the passenger seat back practically into Nari’s lap, claiming he’s going to take a nap, while she kicks his headrest repeatedly and threatens him. Quinn clears his throat loudly, though, and quiet falls to let him focus and not overwhelm him with sound in the small space.

Liliana leans her head back and watches the moon out the sunroof. Her hands are tucked between her knees to keep her arms from brushing up against Jamil and Nari, who each lean into their respective doors to give her more space. It’s…peaceful. She’s pretty sure she hears someone snoring. She could fall asleep, too, honestly, which is surprising for her since she doesn’t usually feel comfortable sleeping unless she’s alone.

The motion of the car does lull her into a near-dozing state. Her eyes are closed and she’s absentmindedly trying to picture which turn they’re taking when someone gasps and the car suddenly jerks to one side. Liliana’s eyes fly open and she sits up abruptly. There’s a bump and a loud popping and hissing sound, then the car is swerving uncontrollably, headlights sweeping back and forth across the empty road.

The seconds seem to pass in slow motion. Her hands are gripping the seats in front of her, eyes fixated out the front windshield. A cacophony of screams and shouted words fill the car as the steeply sloped side of the road looms in front of them, cutting off abruptly as they tip over the side and begin to fall.

Gravity inverts, and for a moment she’s weightless before being slammed back down. Her temple smashes into something hard and unyielding. Images are swimming through the darkness around her - a cracked window, slumped figures. A beam of light making her wince and turn away.

Someone groans. The car shakes as a door is forced open.

“This one’s still awake.”

“Here, use the syringe.”

There’s movement around her, the click of seatbelts unbuckling too loud in her ears.

“Wait, why are there five?”

“What?”

“This one, who is she? She’s not one of the usuals, is she?”

“Doesn’t matter, just grab her.”

Something is very, very wrong, but she can’t make her body work to do anything about it. The darkness outside is creeping closer inward. She feels her seatbelt loosen and a pair of hands latch onto her, but the darkness closes in completely before she can protest.

[statecryptids]

Another book review! I was hoping to post this back in October for spooky season, but work and class got in the way. So I'm posting it now to start off the new year.

MARY'S MONSTER

written and illustrated by Lita Judge

The common story of how Mary Shelley came to write Frankenstein is that she conceived the plot during a ghost-writing contest while she, her lover Percy Bysshe Shelley, and her sister Claire were staying at the manor house of Lord Byron and his personal physician, John Polidori. Some might add that she took inspiration from an experiment in galvanism she had witnessed a few weeks earlier.  But Lita Judge’s evocative book, told through prose poetry, posits that the novel grew for many years within Mary’s mind, sewn together from the tragedies and drama of her life. It grew from the deaths that surrounded her: her children; her neglected sister; Percy Shelley’s abandoned first wife; and Mary’s own mother who died giving birth to her. It grew from her feelings of estrangement towards her once-beloved father who did not approve of her romance with the young poet.  It grew from the anger of her sister Fanny “shackled by illegitimacy and despair”. And it grew from Percy Shelley’s own growing madness “because society loathes him for his beliefs”. Out of these parts Mary made her creation, so Judge writes, stitching them into a greater whole just as Victor Frankenstein assembled his creature from corpses.

The book is told in first person from Mary’s perspective, giving the reader a personal connection with her pain and her joy. At critical moments the voice of her creature also emerges as an extension of her. A literary child just as precious to her as the biological children she lost.

Central to Mary’s story is her turbulent relationship with Percy Bysshe Shelley. How they came to love each other and fled to Europe to try to build a life through loss, ostracization, and Shelley’s growing mania. Equally important to the narrative is Mary’s relationship with her sister Claire, who travels with the couple and shares in Mary’s pain and joy. And, then, of course the book depicts the fateful ghost-writing contest at Byron’s chateau, when Mary’s creature finally comes to life and speaks with his own voice.

The book gives context to some of the more macabre events in Mary’s life, such as when she first makes love to Shelley on her mother’s grave, or how she rescues his physical heart after he is cremated and keeps it in her writing desk for the rest of her life. Both acts keep her deceased loved ones close to her.

Judge’s evocative black-and-white illustrations accompany and enhance each poem, steeping the book in a gothic aesthetic. This is a passion project for the author, undertaken- as she explains in the afterward- while she struggled with pain, fatigue, and isolation during a long illness. “I have represented the details of Mary’s life,” she writes, “by weaving the actual events (as documented in her journals, copious letters, and later biographies) with the themes she and Shelley wrote about in their creative work.” The author does acknowledge that, although this book draws from facts, it is a dramatization of Mary’s experiences.  Judge provides an extensive bibliography for further reading, along with a list of what the characters themselves read, to provide some context for their lives. She also includes short biographical notes of what happened to everyone later in life.

You can get a copy of Mary's Monster at Bookshop.org. Or, like, Amazon if you want.

[insomnicbypasser]

Ho boy what a past two couple weeks am i right guys??? This post will just be me throwing my thoughts at the wall dont expect any sense of consistance im going to be topic hopping probably also just to let you all know this post wont have much if any neg because i honestly font hold those feelings towards purgatory sorry xD however if yall do have neg stuff feel free to have an open discussion in the replies i wanna study yall under a microscope

THOUGHTS BELOW

Alright first of all lets give it up for Bolas guys lets be honest no one not even they themselves thought they were gunna win fr

As a sole Bolas watcher ill have to say these streams have been the most fun ive had watching a stream in a while ive legit fixed my sleeping schedual just to watch these streams lemme tell you

I know that alot of people are unhappy with the ending that we got today but just to remind everyone that i dont think the admins or quackity would do anything TRULY permant without discussion with the cc's

Maxs death was obviously planned days in advance and seeing as the cc's didnt know anything about the eggs conditions or whereabouts i think its safe to assume none of them are actually dead

I trust quackity and qsmp not to do something that would obviously be so unsatisfiying to both the players and the fans, mostly because several months of build up definitely wouldnt lead to that

I think purgatory will be used as a learning experience for qsmp staff as how to make events more enjoyable, and i have no doubt that the week(s) inbetween this purgatory event and the next will be spent working out bugs and making qol changes, we cant expect everything to go perfectly without making mistakes

I think that the ending to purgatory played into the whole theme thats been hammered on over and over again by quackity both in and out of game: this event is made to make you unhappy and uncomfortable. It was tailored to brew conflict and make you unsatisfied, whivh judging by peoples reactions worked very well!

This event is definitely going to make past and future experiences sweeter. Were going to look back on pre purgatory as the good ol days before disaster and look at post purgatory as the catharsis period after a disaster. Puragatory is defintely the growing pains need to bring new life into the server, ots the absence that makes the heart grow fonder.

I have a serious question to ask people down in the replies: how many of you came back to qsmp or started WATCHING qsmp because of the purgatory event. Ill be honest after the first couple months i only tuned into mr charlie slimecicles streams and those were few and far between but after puragtory started i began to feel the insatiable lust for more qsmp so i began to watch recap videos and vods at a horrifiying pace. I started watching other povs because of how well bolas played off of each other and i didnt want to miss a single second of their shenanigans.

This single event has made me more excited for qsmp content then anything in the past couple months. I got a fucking twitter account for christs sake just because i wanted to know wehn people were going live and to see recaps on what the other teams were up too.

I know these past two weeks have been stressful and uncomfortable for some people so i ask yall to take a step back and detoxify so we can come back to this with clearer and fresher prespectives so we can focus on the fun and intruiging aspects of the event

Lets wallow in the angst and let chaos take the wheel with theories and ideas on how everything will pan out from here, i have hope that everything will turn out in the end even if its brought about woth blood sweat and tears :) as long as we all have fun in the end thats all that matters yall

[autisticlee]

I wasn't diagnosed with hEDS, despite very much suspecting it before that. my doctor used that testing method (I always forget the name of) that looks at like 5 joints only and judges based on that. some of those happened to be joints I don't have as much issue with (for example, my elbows and knees don't bend past the degree required and my back is way too stiff to touch the ground without a lot of stretching first) but I was told I have general, basically harmless joint hypermobility and there's no treatment to help me or anything. I'm basically fine I guess?

I was told by a few people on twitter that the test is outdated and the issues I mention having sounds a lot like hEDS and I need a second opnion (but can't get one because that's the only doctor in my hospital/insurance system) so all I have to go by is what people online have told me from a guess and what a doctor told me. so I really don't know what the truth it. but I feel obligated to go off of what the doctor said and say "I'm fine" because I was also told by twitter people that this "isnt something to wish for/it's a very serious condition/you can't just self diagnosed this/etc" so I can only assume I just have a few joints that bend more than they should but it's fine.

(this is longer than i expected so i'll cut it)

my joints are always popping and cracking and feeling very loose and floppy. I don't get big dislocations requiring hospital visits that I am told are a required symptoms of hEDS. )I can dislocated my jaw on demand though and have to use my hands to put it back lmao and other joints get stuck and feel like they're trying to dislocate and stuff like that? i've had toes and fingers dislocated and my parents just yank on them until they pop back in. my hips are some of the worst joints i think. of course those aren't tested in the EDS test. i'll be walking and suddenly my hip feels like it pops out of place or gets stuck. if i'm standing and shift my hips, I can feel it pop really dramatically. always a dull pain, sometimes sharp pain that makes it very hard to walk untol it goes away. but I try to ignore it.

I feel like I have high pain tolerance (not sure if due to being autistic and having weird sensory issues, or from basically being trained my while life to ignore my pain because my parents couldn't afford to take me to doctors, being told to suck it up i'm being dramatic, getting ignored or told others "have it worse," etc.) so i've just been accepting the joint pain I get, especially from my very physically demanding job, and don't do much about it. I'm pretty sure most, if not all my sleep problems are due to chronic pain and discomfort. everyone tries to tell me it's all in .y head and I can't sleep because my mind is "too active" and i'm just "thinking too much" so i've been suggested so many things to treat anxiety. thkae don't work and meds made it WAY worse. i'm the definition of "head empty" when i'm trying to sleep. I don't think that's it lmao. if it's anything in my head, it's the vivid dreams I have. but do dreams make you feel like you got physically hit by a truck? maybe mentally, yeah.

my mom, who I work with, has chronic pain and back and other problems. so since she "just deals with it" she applies that to me and says "mine is worse/I deal with it every day and it mever stops/I can't help you/you have nothing to complain about/etc" and not just her, my whole family seems to have chronic pain and stuff. it's like it's genetic, idk. so i'm expected to work through it and ignore it. she doesn't use any mobility aids despite probably needing to, so it was never suggested to me. i've had pain and issues most my life but was always told i'm "too young to have any pain. wait until you're 25/30/35" (the number changes as I get older for some reason...) "you arent allowed to complain/experience pain now, you're too young. exercise more. you sit at your computer too much. etc" so i've just tried to ignore it and deal with it because i'm overreacting and it's not bad, right? others have it worse.

I visited some friends this past week. One friend is disabled and uses a cane/wheelchair to aid her mobility due to severe chronic pain. I brought my hip brace with me, which helps hold my hip in the joint a little and helps stop it popping out as I walk (there's still pain though, but it stops my joint from popping out sideways when i move it, if that makes sense?) my friend noticed me struggling and despite me telling her i'm fine and this or normal, she demanded I don't just "deal with it" like everyone else. she made sure I had my brace on, shared her pain meds, and made me borrow her cane while she used her wheelchair.

we went to an anime convention and met up with one of my friend's friends for a little bit. she also uses a cane when walking around a lot. she noticed my hip issues and my skin having a bad reaction to the double sided tape I was using for cosplays and asked if I had EDS because I showed signs like people she knows who have it. that kind of further makes me wonder if maybe my doctor misdiagnosed because of the bad outdated test? perhaps it's not and i'm overthinking it. i'm just thinking that if that's what it it actually is, it would be nice to know so I know how to help myself? like maybe there's more treatments than just ignoring standard hypermobility? and what if there's other related issues i'd have to watch for amd not know about?

but anyway, borrowing my friends cane, with and even without my hip brace (sometimes with wrist brace too if i remembered because wrist pain particularly due to an old, severe injury as a kid), doing a ton of walking all week, I noticed I never got sharp hip and knee pains that I get normally that almost down me every day at work or when going for a walk. I always try to ignore them and push through and continue what I'm doing. I assume that's fine and even get annoyed at myself for being so overreacting to it????? i'm suppsed to have high pain tolerance, right? i'm making a big deal out of nothing probably!!!!

but using it that whole week and finding that it helped makes me wonder if I should get my own???? not that I really go anywhere and I can't use it at work because I have to use my hands the whole time. (or is that attention seeking behavior? I know using one draws negative attention because people are assholes about that stuff. but it's still attention. am I secretly wanting attention???) I also wonder if i'm experiencing more issues than I think. like have I gotten so used to ignoring things that it's actually worse than I think? am I a walking imposter syndrome? i've heard you can dull your own sense of pain by ignoring it long enough and being autistic with sensory issues can also cause a reduced sense of pain. it seemed like being around other disabled people and people who actually paid attention to me meant people noticed me struggling more than I notice, if that makes sense?? but I don't know i'd I am truly struggling or i'm unconsciously making it up????

when I was on my way home walking through the airport, I thought I was doing fine. yeah, I was going slower than everyone else and leaning on my rolling carryon luggage, but i'm sure I was fine......I must have looked like I was struggling. a man driving one of those little transport vehicles through the hall stopped and asked if I was ok. I said i'm fine and he insisted I get on and he take me down the rest of the very long hall. he got to the end where it splits and I needed the opposite way he was headed so he called for someone with a wheelchair to scoop me up and take me to my gate and wouldn't accept a no.

I thought i'd be fine shuffling the hour long layover I had to the opposite side of the airport to my gate, but turns out I made it a minute after boarding time started even with other people running me through on wheels double the speed or more i was going myself. I may have missed my flight if I kept shuffling on my own.....

even though it was a lot of help, I still felt bad, like I was taking up resources from people who really needed it. I never considered myself physically disabled despite my weird joint issues, weakness, chronic pain, lack of balance and coordination, etc. it was a lot of help, and like I said, I may have missed my plane without it, but I still felt really bad and still do, like a fraud, like I was wasting something others needed more. I just feel like my struggles aren't enough to warrant any thpe of disability aid, if they can even be considered struggles at all. I felt like i'm an able person being fake and taking something that doesn't belong to me, wasting resources that aren't meant for me, despite it not being me who chose it or asked for it. I tried to refuse, but it was given to me by someone who seems to have felt I needed it????? should I have rejected it more and tried to be more insistent on being fine? (though i'm not sure i'd be capable of that since I was overwhelmed and my autistic brain can barely handle airports....so talking at all was kind of out of the question)

i really feel like I don't need or deserve help like that! I need to deal with it on my own and ignore it, right? others have it worse! it's not that bad. I can deal with it on my own. maybe i'm being dramatic about any pain and stuff i'm experiencing and need to suck it up and stop complaining. It's not bad enough to even mention it! maybe i'm unconsciously trying to get attention or something like that. unconsciously looked like I was struggling for some kind of attention or something (despite trying to always shrink and hide myself in public to be left alone, especially when sensory overwhelmed). I hope I didn't impede anyone who needed and deserved help more than me 🥺😔

[berrizzesworld]

Reflection on positive psychology

Have you ever heard about positive psychology? If not, don't blame yourself. I didn't know anything about it until recently either. The definition of the term sounds like this:

“Positive psychology is the scientific study of what makes life most worth living” (Peterson, 2008).

In fact, positive psychology is a field of general psychology that spends much of its time thinking about topics like character strengths, optimism, life satisfaction, happiness, well-being, gratitude, compassion (as well as self-compassion), self-esteem and self-confidence, hope, and elevation.

Personally, I was lucky enough to learn about this science from watching a Ted-Talk by Martin Seligman, who is the founder of positive psychology. In the video he talks about how science has changed over the last few decades and about his research, experiments and results. On the importance of studying exactly "Positive Psychology". (I am attaching a link to this speech below for those who are interested in the topic and want to watch the full video, not just read scraps of my thoughts, philosophies and reflections)

First of all, what I found interesting about this video is that Mr Seligman talks about how people's attitudes to this science have changed over the last few decades: if 20 years ago, while sitting in an airplane, Martin was telling people about what he does - they would move away from him and stop talking. Now, on the contrary, people are becoming interested in the scientist's line of work.

So what has changed? It seems to me that it's all about people's attitude towards psychology itself, as a science of 'what is wrong with us'. Whereas in the past people were repulsed by the issue and did not want to think about their problems and shortcomings, now they are interested in understanding their problems and eliminating them in order to improve their lives. I consider this to be due to the widening of boundaries in the modern world: now everyone is free to express themselves and their opinions, to share their own problems, and without fear of being judged. People have become more open, which means that their shortcomings are not something to be ashamed of. People are now ready to sort themselves out and therefore psychology is very relevant at this stage.

Secondly, the main theme of Martin's speech was still positive psychology, which, as I said earlier, argues that one should not only pay attention to illnesses and the darker sides of personalities, but also to the beneficial ones. People need to learn to think positively, to reason and to celebrate not only the negative events in their lives, but also the very happy moments. And try to make sure that the latter are the majority

I certainly agree that this is the right way to set your mindset, but it actually sounds a lot easier in theory than in practice. And sometimes the system stops working altogether… I will tell you an example of my own.

Brief background: My name is Anna, I am from Ukraine and almost 10 months ago a war broke out in my country. On that day, February 24th, I had to leave everything I had ever treasured or loved and start life anew, as pathetic as it sounds. Since then, regular memories of taking my dog for a walk in the park near my home, or ice-skating with a friend in my town's New Year's Eve square, have never left me. On one hand, these memories are some of the happiest moments of my life, and I agree with the theory that they should only make me feel better. But in reality, they don't. The slightest mention of my past life before the war ruins the whole of my 'new life' that I am trying so hard to build. I realise that I will never be able to relive those days and moments again, I will never be the same and nothing will ever be the same again. Each time it causes me more and more pain.

I don't want to make you feel sympathy for me or make you worry. I just want to tell you about an insight I got after watching the lecture: I guess positive psychology should rather teach people not just to think positively, but to learn to let go of the bad and the past, the things that cannot be changed or returned. Only then will living and breathing become easier.

Take care of your mental health and smile more often, because it has been scientifically proven that the production of endorphins in our bodies increases happiness!

[kristentiannapoirier]

9/29/24

Speaking from experience:

You cannot fill a space where love once was. Love is kept like an imprint, a tattoo, a fingerprint. You can only add more love in. More love added in shines light over the gaping holes that were left. So long as the gaping hole isn’t bigger than every light you encounter.

What’s undefeated in this world and travels from generation to generation??? Ego.

Jealousy is said to be a green monster.

I think I whole heartedly agree.

🤢

Angel ???

Nah.

Devils advocate?? Maybe.

They call me: a snake in the grass.

But did you know I’m just a little garden snake 🐍.

I get Taylor Swift so much right now.

I really do try to stay right in the middle of the two.

For my entire life.

I carry this in me. I carry a lot of stuff like this in me. That’s why I look “mean”.. there’s just a lot of messed up things I notice. Makes me not care a lot about myself.

Imagine witnessing the truth behind the actions, for a lifetime. Would you hide within? Or would you join em if you can’t beat em????

This is why I reject the part of my humanity that says I should join it.

I don’t want to..

I broke down and cried when my lover told me in the car that I had to.

God, I don’t want to. 😢😢😢😢😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

The entire world can see everything I added today.

I think it’s a great lesson for everyone.

You guys can have it.

And it won’t hurt if you take it.

11:11 make a wish 💔🥺🥰

I think I am … going to be a teacher one day…. Maybe.

👩‍🏫

The one thing I really do know because EGO IS UNDEFEATED(Ego blocks heart):

My lover will never see his child as long as I’m around.

If I’m around??? You would have to be dead. Or in jail. And that is some reallly fucked up shit to know deep down. I hope you are extremely happy and proud of yourself. I hope you like yourself enough, your ego.. so let it shine over your children.

The sequel is over now.

Take it or leave it. 🙄🙄🙄

I think I finally let all of the darkness in my heart go. 🥺🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹💪🏻

Stinky slut signing off.

🫶🏻👋🏻🙏🏻

I am not a mom because … my child would be a lot like me. And that thought… too much pain. Not my child. No way in hell. I couldn’t handle it. I’m Too weak I guess or too strong? Too different? That depends on whoever’s ego is reading and what perspective they are choosing.

Ego is undefeated in this world.

A child of mine would be heart.

Maybe in a better world.. another lifetime.

Also one last thing.

I don’t call out Jeremy’s ego. Not in this.

Why? Because once Jeremy was sober by 2017, he joined the program so yes he was sober with drug screens to prove it daily and weekly. That’s why I insisted on court. Only for them to say it’s separate and he would still have to pay. He was an angel. The second he lost his kid … he relapsed and old ways came back. He treated me like a princess during that time with with his child.. Sober Jeremy with his whole heart intact. An amazing man. What kind of actions would you have if your child was taken because of ego as the foundation? I don’t blame him for any of his actions because they come from a gaping hole in his heart. The heart in me cannot abandon him. He is sober. He has been sober for an incredibly long time. He never did any act ever that would equate to having his child taken away. If I leave .. what would he have left? I love him. Relationships are a growing process while both parties grow separately. When I was falling in my abyss I couldn’t focus on him. I couldn’t see past the ego. July 2023 - present has been hell.

My spiritual journey feeling like it was being trampled on and blocked by negativity that I couldn’t see. Hidden in the shadows. Watching. Judging. Leeching.

Why did I do it?? Never truly leave him.. never give up??

Because everyone said he was a lost cause.

A goner.

Everyone.

Even if they didn’t say it to me..

They all said it!!!!

I’m starting to think a lost cause in a person

Is just someone that is living without unconditional love.

Unconditional Love - Tupac Shakur

What y'all want? Unconditional love (no doubt)

Talkin' about the stuff that don't wear off, it don't fade (unconditional love)

It'll last for all these crazy days, these crazy nights

Whether you wrong or you right

A m- f- still love you, still feel you

Still there for you, no matter what, he-he (unconditional love, oh-oh)

You will always be in my heart with unconditional love (oh-ooh)

Come listen to my truest thoughts, my truest feelings

All my peers doin' years beyond drug dealin'

How many caskets can we witness (oh-ooh)

Before we see it's hard to live this life without God?

So we must ask forgiveness

Ask mama why I got this urge to die

Witness the tears fallin' free from my eyes before she could reply

Though we were born without a silver spoon

My broken-down TV show cartoons in my living room (hey)

One day I hope to make it, a player in this game

Mama, don't cry, long as we try maybe things change (this game)

Perhaps it's just a fantasy

A life where we don't need no welfare and sh- with our whole family (we don't need, no)

Maybe it's me that caused it, the fightin' and the hurtin'

In my room cryin' 'cause I didn't wanna be a burden

Watch mama open up her arms to hug me

And I ain't worried 'bout a damn thing, with unconditional love

In this game, the lesson's in your eyes to see (ooh)

Though things change, the future's still inside of me (oh-ooh, unconditional love)

We must remember that tomorrow comes after the dark

So you will always be in my heart, with unconditional love (oh-whoa, ooh)

In this game, the lesson's in your eyes to see (ooh)

Though things change, the future's still inside of me (oh-ooh, unconditional love)

We must remember that tomorrow comes after the dark

So you will always be in my heart, with unconditional love

Just got the message, you've been callin' all week (whats up, baby?)

Been out here hustlin' on these streets, ain't had a chance to speak (you know how it is)

But you know, with you and me it's all G

We could never be enemies (nah, I mean-) 'cause you've been such a good friend to me

Where would I be without my dogs? No wonder why when times get hard

'Cause it ain't easy bein' who we are

Driven by my ambitions, desire higher positions

So I proceed to make G's eternally

And my mission is to be more than just a rap musician

The elevation of today's generation, if I could make 'em listen

Prison ain't what we need, no longer stuck in greed

Time to plan, strategize, my family's gotta eat

We work somethin' out of nothin', no pleasure in the sufferin'

Neighbourhood would be good if they could cut out all the bustin'

The liquor and the weed, the cussin', sendin' love out to my block

The struggle never stops, unconditional love

In this game, the lesson's in your eyes to see (ooh)

Though things change, the future's still inside of me (oh-ooh, unconditional love)

We must remember that tomorrow comes after the dark

So you will always be in my heart, with unconditional love

In this game, the lesson's in your eyes to see (ooh)

Though things change, the future's still inside of me (oh-ooh, unconditional love)

We must remember that tomorrow comes after the dark

So you will always be in my heart, with unconditional love (oh-whoa, ooh)

I'll probably never understand your ways

With every day I swear I hear you tryin' to change your ways

While gettin' paid at the same time

Just had a baby with the same eyes

Somethin' inside, please let me die, these are strange times

How come I never made it? Maybe it's the way I played it in my heart

I know one day I gotta be a star

My hopes and all my wishes, so many vivid pictures

And all the currency I'll never even get to see

This fast life soon shatters

'Cause after all the lights and screams nothin' but my dreams matter

Hopin' for better days, maybe a peaceful night

Baby, don't cry, 'cause everything gon' be alright

Just lay your head on my shoulder

Don't worry 'bout a thing, baby girl, I'm a soldier, huh

Never treated me bad, no matter who I was

You still came with that unconditional love

In this game, the lesson's in your eyes to see (ooh)

Though things change, the future's still inside of me (ah-aaw, unconditional love)

We must remember that tomorrow comes after the dark

So you will always be in my heart, with unconditional love (oh-whoa)

In this game, the lesson's in your eyes to see (ooh)

Though things change, the future's still inside of me (oh-ooh, unconditional love)

We must remember that tomorrow comes after the dark (so whoa)

So you will always be in my heart, with unconditional love

[bubbledumbbinch]

Okay so can I ask for some general headcanons for a Fem!MC in twst? The game has gender-neutral pronouns for the MC so far and it's an all boys school. How do you think the characters reaction/interactions would change if the MC was female? (if all are too much you can just pick your faves, maybe just include the octa and Savannahclaw dorm?) Just your thoughts and some brainrot💖

I think the boys would definitely be a lot more flirtatious to fem!MC!!! (I just wanna call her FeMC so I could say… fem… with a c at the end LOL). This is an all boys school, what do you expect?!

These are mostly short I’m sorry! I wanted to try to fit everyone in!

Ramshackle

Grim would lay at night curled up beside you. On days when your period hit, Grim would sense you in pain and get near your abdomen and purr. He feels like it’s an instinctual thing to do and if if helps out his minion, he’ll do it! Plus there’s tuna in it for him, right? Pet his ears too!

Heartslabyul

Riddle would definitely blush when you are around, but not too heavily! Sure he finds you attractive but it won’t stop him from fulfilling his duties as a dorm leader! He can’t help himself when he gets flustered talking to you since the only woman he grew up around was his strict mother. Since you’re different compared to her, he can’t tell but feel warmth from you which he wants to keep in his heart.

Ace and Deuce would make jokes at each other’s expense, both of them sorta going neck and neck trying to compete for your attention! They know you guys are just friends… unless..? 😳 Ace would make the snarky remarks while Deuce would threaten to beat Ace up.

Trey would act the same towards you, knowing he has to be a respectful upperclassman! You ALMOST can’t tell he sets aside the cupcake with more fruits or decoration on it for you at the Unbirthday party. Trey would give his signature smirk and wink as he sets it down in front of you.

Cater would take you on shopping sprees and outings to have so many photo opportunities with NRC’s only female student! Girls would flood his comments asking if you were his girlfriend, but he never answered. He secretly hopes you like him back so you could do cute couple things together like match outfits!

Savannaclaw

Leona would still call you herbivore and treat you the same as always. Still as lazy as before. However he can’t help but show off when he plays Magift and you happen to be watching. He lowkey stares at your features and shape of your body when you’re not looking 👀

Ruggie would also mostly act the same towards you, but he would bump into you on purpose so he can have an excuse to touch or smell you! His body tingles when he can smell your scent on the blazer he accidentally knocked into you with! Still treats you the same as ever though!

Jack would be gentler towards you, he knows how rough and big his body is, he doesn’t want to accidentally hurt you! His personality is still the same, don’t think he’ll treat you any differently because you’re a girl!

Octavinelle

Azul would try to make shady deals with you to offer you protection against students who may be too forward with you since you’re a girl. In exchange? For you to work at the lounge! and spend time with him. He secretly likes you but would never tell you to uphold his reputation and he is also afraid of rejection ;w; Azul would also not mind seeing you wearing the lounge uniform, fufufu…

Jade would would act more like a butler type! You also find him nearby sometimes, feeling his striking gaze looking at you. He’s always there when someone is trying to confess to you and you look uncomfortable. “Oya oya, do you need some help, miss?” His voice teasingly echoes through the halls, scaring off the guy who was trying to hit on you. Jade would stretch out his hand and escort you to wherever you needed to go.

Honestly? Unless you had a super “girly” appearance, Floyd wouldn’t have noticed until he gave you a hug to squeeze you, noticing your body was different… more squishy... and your bone structure is different. Shrimpy is so squeezable!!! Huh? He has to be wary of your chest? He’ll just lift you up by your tummy! You being a girl doesn’t stop the hug train!

Scarabia

Kalim wouldn’t treat you any differently! He would still definitely invite you over as often as possible, not realizing his sweetness may come off as flirtatious! Might develop a small crush on you :) imagines all the pretty outfits he could buy you from his homeland

Jamil would at first be wary of you but once he realizes you aren’t a threat to Kalim or the school, he stops doubting you. Definitely isn’t the type to judge you differently based on your gender!

Pomefiore

Vil would smirk and think he finally has someone else to practice makeup on! He definitely uses you as a model to show off his products, whether it be makeup, skincare, clothing, etc!

Rook would be… protective. He likes you because you’re different, and he would subtly follow and stake you out to see what things you’re doing differently at NRC as a girl. Rook offers silent protection against those he sees as a threat to you before you can even notice.

Epel would definitely try to prove his manliness in front of you if Vil isn’t in the vicinity! Going out of his way to carry heavy items, be tough, etc. If YOU tell him he’s manly, it’s certainly gotta mean something right?!

Ignihyde

Idia thinks it’s like some sort of anime trope, you’re the female protagonist and it’s like a reverse harem because the whole school is full of boys! Cough cough breaking the fourth wall here! He would probably be more… nervous around you, not like he would ever get close anyways, but still! The idea of the only girl at school actually being friends with you and maybe becoming more makes his heart beat faster.

Ortho would not. Perceive you any differently LOL. He’d be intrigued would say like “A girl? Cool! The body analyses I’ve done from everyone around you reads their body temperatures higher and their hearts are all beating faste- MMPH!” He would be silenced by ADeuce…

Diasomnia

Malleus…. Once he knows how you don’t fear him and how you like him even without knowing who he is. All he can think of is how beautiful you would be as his queen. Who can blame him? He has priorities and he needs to think of these things! I can also imagine him picking petals off flowers and saying “She loves me… she loves me not…” because he’s romantic like that… my heart

Lilia would use his experience in his vast years of dating to his advantage, knowing what ways to talk to a woman best. He swears he is only flirting with you for fun! The way your cheeks puff up in embarrassment is just too cute to resist! He certainly doesn’t mind a gender neutral MC, but Lilia can appreciate the beauty in every gender and he certainly appreciates your beauty!

Silver said 😪😴 . You notice Silver has more of a knightly approach to you, offering to protect you when you need it. He understands how a situation between one girl and hundreds of male students could provide a sense of fear, so Silver would always be there to protect you if you need!

Sebek would blush when you’re around, but he thinks you’re trying to use feminine charm and wiles to seduce the young master, even though all you did was make a yawn noise, flip your hair, or put on a bit of makeup! You have to explain to him that you aren’t doing anything to try to seduce anybody. You just wanted to go to school. He is doubtful but finally agrees. Maybe he was becoming victim to your charm instead?

[purpleheartskies]

"Get out of here... All of you."

Whenever I see this scene outside the CK dojo of Robby telling them all to leave, I just think of how incredibly lonely Robby is. No one, absolutely no one, has ever truly been on his side.

I know Robby is judged for choosing Kreese in this moment, but I think Robby did this because Kreese was the safer option. By "safer", I mean safer for Robby's heart. His choice was never about the dojo war or picking a side. It was about himself and what was best for him then. It's really painful when you know from experience that the people who you care about and love don't care about you and love you the same way back.

It's important to note that neither Daniel nor Johnny had warned Robby about Kreese and the war he was waging. The day before, Daniel had told Johnny that Kreese had made it crystal clear that he is everyone's problem. But Daniel and Johnny never even considered that Kreese would go after Robby. That just shows how much they don't consider Robby as part of "everyone" and how insignificant they believe he is in general, or atleast to the dojo war. And the only knowledge that Robby had of Kreese had been what Daniel had told Robby about Kreese being Johnny's worst teacher. But, Kreese had been one of only three people to visit Robby in juvie, and Kreese's advice had helped Robby survive in juvie all alone, with no other support, for months. Daniel never visited like he had promised he would, and Johnny's one visit caused Robby more pain, especially after he had allowed himself to believe that Johnny would make his scheduled/promised visit. In fact, when Johnny had seen Robby's bruise, Johnny just accused Robby of starting fights, not even caring to ask what had happened or if he was okay, and Johnny never went back to make sure that Robby was okay. Also, from Robby's pov, Johnny had just shown up here at the dojo and started wailing on Kreese after he suggested that they all work together. Robby was truly shocked when Johnny did that, so it's obvious Robby didn't know what the Cobras had done that had led Johnny there because Johnny obviously sure as hell hadn't come there for Robby. When Johnny had barged in, Johnny asked Robby what he was doing there, instinctively blaming Robby for being there, despite knowing that Kreese had made it clear that he's everyone's problem and knowing Kreese's manipulative and deceptive nature.

Fact is, Johnny had already chosen not to be there for Robby his whole life, for which Robby blames himself, and on top of that, Johnny had chosen Miguel over Robby completely. Even in this moment outside the dojo, Johnny stayed standing next to Miguel making it clear who Johnny has chosen. Johnny didn't offer to be by Robby's side to convince him to leave Kreese nor did Johnny come to Robby's side to keep him safe from Kreese because Robby chose to stay with him.

Daniel had passed harsh judgment/punishment on Robby 3 times without hearing Robby out first. Daniel had disowned Robby the first two times, and Daniel had ambushed him the third time. Yes, the legal situation had to be solved, but who does that to their young student who was so dedicated and diligent? Mr. Miyagi would have never done that to Daniel and Daniel would have never done that to Sam, but Daniel did that to Robby because he's Johnny's son. Also, Daniel apologized to Robby for disowning him a second time while Daniel was stalling him for the cops. Of course, Robby didn't believe his apology. Daniel didn't even give Robby a proper conversation about such a traumatic situation. Instead, Daniel just ended up making decisions for Robby on his behalf based on Daniel's own beliefs about what had happened.

Standing outside of that dojo, with Miguel by Johnny's side and Sam by Daniel's side, what did Johnny and Daniel have to offer Robby? A stable home? Unconditional love and support? Johnny especially should have always been providing those things to Robby, but Johnny has been purposely depriving Robby of those things since day 1. Daniel had offered Robby a stable home when he'd brought Robby into his home and later called him family, but in one fell swoop, Daniel had taken that back from Robby when he'd screwed up (by not taking Sam home after Moon's party) because Daniel thought the worst of Robby because he's Johnny son. Daniel hadn't given Robby a chance to explain that time either. How can Robby trust Johnny and Daniel to be there and be consistent? He needs assurance of stable and consistent support from the adults who claim to care about him and claim to believe he's a "good kid". Johnny and Daniel claim to care, but they've proven to Robby that they'll walk away from Robby when he screws up or when he needs them most, judging him by thinking the worst of him (and without even giving him a chance to explain), and in Johnny's case, he'll walk away from Robby without reason anyway.

Kreese claimed to care about Robby, but Robby didn't care about Kreese. Robby didn't even trust him. Robby didn't trust anyone anymore. Staying with Kreese had always just been a temporary solution until Shannon got out of rehab.

(And, seriously? What the hell was wrong with Johnny and Daniel just leaving Robby with Kreese after Kreese had tried to kill them? Like I said, they really do think Robby is insignificant.)

[saltymongoose]

This was inspired from the madness: project nexus game so essentially how would the main 3 or the auditor who ever you can chose react to a player who is doing a unarmed build like jacked strength, endurance, dexterity, tactics stats and almost all of the unarmed skills

"Project nexus ask guy I meant project nexus 2 and the player chose the noob class" - 2/2

Hi Anon! This was really fun to do, I love a good unarmed build. I decided to go with the Main 3 + 2BDamned. “You” also refers to you as in the player character btw, for anyone who's unfamiliar with Arena Mode.

(TW: Mentions of Violence)

First off, I think all of them would be impressed. Hank is extremely skilled in all manner of fighting, but even his hand-to-hand combat abilities pale in comparison to yours.

You’re an enigma to them. Where the hell did 2B even find you? Surely someone that powerful couldn’t have stayed under their radar for that long?

Judging by the way you look, you didn’t have any real combat experience before you were hired. So how were you so good at this???

Deimos is a big fan, probably on the verge of begging Doc to assign you some missions together. He likely makes trips to the H.Q. just to try and strike up a friendship up with you.

(He conveniently forgets to tell 2B when he plans on visiting you. Oops.)

You’re just so cool! He’s never met someone who has your fighting style and strength. He’s pretty capable, maybe you could teach him a few things?

When he learned of your background from Doc, he didn’t believe it, so he asked you directly instead. You just told him you worked some retail job once before 2B scouted you and that was a while ago anyway. While you were explaining how it was difficult to get a job with only one thing on your resume, Deimos was staring slack-jawed at you. You had to be kidding, right?

He expected you to at least be an agent, or a merc or something. But no, you had absolutely no background in it whatsoever.

“I didn’t think I would be that good at this whole punching thing, but it’s actually a lot easier than I was expecting. Paying for dry cleaning is a pain, though.”

Upon getting to know you better, not gonna lie, he’s a little scared, but the excitement at having someone so strong behind them overpowers that.

(Also probably wants to see just how high you could throw him.)

Sanford, while not as excitable as Deimos, definitely gets where he’s coming from. It’s kind of a wonder that you’ve taken to the life of a merc so quickly. 2B never really specified where he found you, just that you were pretty much a normal grunt that could serve a bigger purpose.

After Deimos befriends you, he definitely drags Sanford along on his random visits, so he gets to know you pretty well too.

He’s kind of in awe over you, but also concerned about how you manage to just tank damage like that. Sanford’s great with his hook, but he also carries a gun for a reason.

He’s only seen you use a gun once, and the most notable thing you did was throw it at some poor grunt before promptly separating their head from their body with your bare hands. (He’s seen you throw people too. A part of him wonders how much you could deadlift.)

Definitely has discussions with Skinner about the rare times you’ve had to be stitched back together. Probably tries to find you after these incidents to make sure you're doing alright.

He buys you a meal and brings you movies or something so you guys can just chill for a bit. Everyone needs some time to relax, right?

He knows you can handle yourself in combat, probably better than he can. But as your friend, your mental health is also important to him too.

Hank finds you as being a sort of kindred spirit, both of you capable of massive amounts of carnage whenever you’re sent for missions. He’s never met someone who was so good at snapping people's bones before. He also finds how you just casually throw or drop kick half-mags across the room really funny.

While Deimos and Sanford might politely ask (or beg) 2B to allow them to work with you, Hank will just show up and insist you come along with him on jobs.

He can get pretty competitive when it comes to who can kill more grunts, and surprisingly, 8/10 times you end up tying. Hank might use guns, but you’re pretty fast. And you don’t care about being swarmed by hostiles either, confident enough in your skills to charge head first into a group of them.

He thinks you two have a nice system. There are always a ton of guns on the ground because you don’t use any of them, so he always has a weapon. It’s efficient.

While others would be horrified at your blood covered form and monstrous strength, Hank never feels more in his element than when he’s tearing through grunts at your side. It’s something special, to find someone who’s almost one of your kind.

He actually bothers to remember you, which is more than Deimos and Sanford can say about their own friendships with him. (They get annoyed when he can’t tell them apart, but can point you out in a crowd several meters away from them in a dark room.)

As for your background, he finds it relatable to some degree. After all, he was just a guy that wanted someone to turn down that boombox before all of this happened. (He did snap and murder 30 (32?) people at the time, but he’ll overlook that.)

2BDamned is the only one who knows of your greater purpose for Nevada. He fully expected you to grow more powerful after assigning you with managing their forces in Nevada Central. He didn’t foresee that you’d be this brutal though.

Given how scrawny and weak you seemed to be before the bus dropped you off, he expected you to develop more of a focus on ranged weapons. As a medic, he was honestly kind of worried when you did the opposite. You had absolutely no background in combat, what the hell were you thinking just rushing into enemies like that?!

Having Skinner there to fix you up did somewhat help his concern, but a part of him was exasperated at having to deal with another Hank in that regard.

However, he is really proud of how much you’ve grown. You’ve managed to outpace nearly everybody in the S.Q. when it comes to full on strength, and you were probably the most reliable when it came to actually getting your work done. The guards he stationed in the H.Q. were probably more for protecting the other grunts there, now that he thought about it. You could kill MAGs with your bare hands, you didn’t need any more help.

When he found out about the others visiting you, he was a little ticked off (because he would’ve liked to warn you in advance of these things). But, he knew that you should have at least some moral support. You were a hard worker and unfortunately he couldn’t be there to do that himself.

However, the impromptu missions you were taken on were another matter. He was your supervisor; he needed notice if you weren’t at H.Q and/or available. At least Deimos and Sanford would ask if they wanted you with them, unlike someone else.

(He'd have a discussion with Hank about it, but he doubts he'd actually listen. Seems Doc unintentionally found him a best friend.)

[its-not-a-phase-mom-i-d8-demons]

pairings: Lucifer x Fem!Reader, Mammon x Fem!Reader, Leviathan x Fem!Reader

warnings: tw abandonment (but it turns out okay, I promise), mentions of the act of birthing,

A/N: you came to the right place! as the second oldest of six children, I have some experience when it comes to pregnancy:) I hope you don't mind, nonny, but I'm gonna split this up into a few parts so I can do the dateables as well!

Lucifer

The moment you had shyly produced the positive pregnancy test from the pocket of your hoodie, it felt like Lucifer had entered into a fever dream filled with nursery designs, baby names, the expenses that pile up before the baby even arrives, researching human pregnancy, keeping you out of harm's way and healthy and happy...

So when you first stagger out of bed and rush to his bathroom, hand clamped over your mouth and one shaky hand on your slightly swollen tummy, Lucifer isn't surprised

He is very concerned, however. You had been so nervous to tell him of your pregnancy, you waited until the last moment before your bump was noticeable to tell him

That meant you had been suffering from all of these pregnancy side effects before he'd permanently moved you to sleep in his room

Lucifer hoists himself out of bed and pads into the bathroom, gathering up your hair, if any, into his fist and pulling your hunched form between his legs for support

You hate this feeling with a passion; throbbing stomach and a lump in your throat with little to no vertigo and tears rolling down your face as you try and catch your breath

You tell him it hurts, you ask him if he can take the pain away as your head rests on his chest, lashes fluttering with wooziness

Lightheadedness was unbearably common; you would suddenly grip his sleeve and he could watch the color drain from your face and your knees get shaky, body beginning to sway

He always catches you though, finding a place for you to sit or lie down and gather yourself

Tummy rubs become more common; the feeling of his hands against your bare tummy, spreading their warmth and nullifying the ache, allowing you to relax

He's extremely attentive as well and can tell whenever you need something

Water? Here's a cup sweetheart, remember, you're hydrating and eating for two people!

Craving something? Chocolate? Fried pickles? Chips of some kind? sweets? He's stockpiled anything you could want and locked it away just for you.

I feel like Lucifer would want your baby to be a little girl. A little princess he can carry on his shoulders and spoil with his love and gifts.

Satan ruined him for having another baby boy, but if that's how the cards fall, he certainly wouldn't mind. Unfortunately, he'd be constantly walking on eggshells, afraid he'll make your little boy into another rebellious child

That's the last thing he wants

Lucifer does his best to keep his kid away from Satan and Belphie and out of the 'Formerly Anti-Lucifer League', but sometimes you're taking a nap or out shopping with Asmodeus, and Satan and his brothers manage to coerce the little one into their shenanigans

One thing is for sure though, even if Lucifer didn't want any kids and the creation of one was unplanned, he would never ever turn you away

He's very responsible and does anything in his power to make the pregnancy as easy and happy as possible

On the day you are to give birth, he's a mess

He has already sweat through 3 shirts by the time the IV has been secured to your hand

Everything he says doesn't come without a stutter

He's squeezing your hand and kissing your hair during labor, trying to distract you from the burn between your legs as much as he can

You probably need extra stitches from baby's horns ngl

Definitely cries before the baby is even put in your arms

Refuses to let his brothers come and see you, "They can wait until we go home."

Lucifer is Smitten™

He smooches the tiredness under your eyes and tells you to get some rest

Surprisingly, he enjoys a lot of the names from the human world you discuss and will most likely pick one of those

But if it's a girl, her name is Lilith. I'm sorry MC, your input is invalid at this time

You don't regret 'final day in the devildom sex' at all when you get to witness the Avatar of Pride reduced to tears when the nurse puts the child in his arms

P-P-Pregnant? MC, ya better be jokin'...

Mammon

You weren't, judging by the pregnancy test(s) clutched in your fist

He's not mad at you, he's not upset, (in fact, he's the happiest he's ever been), he just scared

Broken Condom Victim™

He loved you just a bit too hard last week...

but let's be real here, HIS MC, carrying HIS baby?

That's like the highest level of ownership on his lovely human you could get! Levi, Asmo, Beel, Lucifer, everyone would be SOOOO JEALOUS!!!

AND

He gets to have a little one running around again!

You saw how sweet he was to babified Satan in the obey me anime premier! He LOVES little kids and nothing would make him happier than someone to play with (besides MC of course) that wouldn't make fun of him for messing up and being silly!

AND

You're so pretty!!

I mean, ya were always pretty, but somethin' about ya is different and yer even more beautiful than before somehow!

Mammon said, his entire face the shade of a pomegranate

Pregnancy glow is REAL

Asmo agrees, after stealing you away from an extremely overprotective mammon and hiding in the attic to chat without disturbance (mammon)

But as much as YOU know he would be the BEST father, comments from his brothers continue to drag him down and the evenings he cried into your shoulder became more and more frequent as your pregnancy progresses

Mammon, as we all know, is, in fact, a tiddy man

He likes to touch and squeeze them, and just gently hold them while cuddling or even browsing in a store, he'd just come up behind you and touch your boobs

(also, mammon likes all sizes, so if you have next to no tiddy like me, you'll be at his mercy as well. those with the large honkers, however, watch yourself)

Now that there's a miracle growing in your tummy, other parts of your body are preparing for its arrival, including your chest

Swelling, swelling, soreness, growing and darkening of the nipples, and swelling make it so Mammon can no longer touch your pretty tiddies :(((

(grammarly didn't like that word)

On the day mammon snack size was to be born, mammon is silent but extremely fidgety

It was early in the morning when you'd shaken him awake like, "mammoney, I'm going into labor" and he was out of bed and out the door with your luggage before you finished blinking

After grabbing your DDD's and you, he carries you down to the car (what dysfunctional family doesn't have a car? a nice one (Mercedes, Audi, you get the idea) for lucifer and a Volkswagon bus or something for his siblings to share) and drives quickly, but very carefully drives to the hospital, holding your hand the whole way.

He covers your eyes when they put the IV in, just in case you're squeamish, and rubs your arms as the drugs begin to take effect and there's a little fear in your eyes at the thought of pushing an entire human/demon being out of your coochie

He assures you and never lets go of your hand no matter how long you're in labor

When it's all over with and you are resting in your hospital bed waiting for the doctors to finish the Apgar tests and give you your baby

Mammon is speechless as the nurse places the baby in your arms

That's HIS KID!!

Immediately starts crying

The little horns poking out of the blanket? Those look just like his!!

Judging by the bit of hair on it's head, it looks like the baby will have hair like yours

If it's a baby boy, he thinks it should be named "Mammon II" but you just giggle and remind him of the deal he made with lucifer long ago, that his first born child, no matter the gender, had to have 'Lucifer' somewhere in their name

Human names are dumb, except for yours of course, so he searches for suitable demon names

The last thing he wants is a kid named Lucifer, so that will be the kid's middle name

He really regrets his past decisions now

Leviathan

"Levi?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"I'm pregnant."

*leviathan has been KO'd*

No joke, this man is literally floored and didn't wake up for a while and you were afraid you had just slain the fucking Lord of Shadows

Some Henry you were

You had to call Lucifer in to wake him up because he was still flat on the floor a half and hour later

Mammon is more that happy to tip a bucket of ice water on the face of the son of a bitch that impregnated HIS MC

Levi wakes up and pounces on you, gripping you tightly by the arms

"You're k-kidding r-right?"

Him? A father?

Uhhhhhhh

Unfortunately, Leviathan.exe has stopped working, try again in two thousand years

I hate to say this, but he definitely detaches himself for a while until his brothers, especially Asmodeus, literally beat him into shape

He comes back to you, a little bruised and sobbing, but not from the beating he just received

He's so sorry he neglected you! He's such a horrible demon, undeserving of your welcoming nature

He's gonna be the worst dad, and he's not good enough for you, and his kid will hate him just like everyone else does, he doesn't deserve you, he's so sorry for making you suffer the side effects and feel all alone,

Sir, I-

FALSE

It's your turn to shake some sense into him, reminding him that he would be the. best. dad!!

Not to mention the fact that you were just happy he realized his mistakes and came back to you

He begs you to sleep in his bed tub with him for security, and you have to admit his tail is very comforting

Levi does extensive research on human pregnancy and now at the dinner table, instead of talking about the latest slice of life anime he'd been watching, he's just spouting random pregnancy facts and you're laughing so hard it brings you to tears

When the weird dreams and vivid nightmares happen, Levi is right behind you, rubbing your swollen tummy, and letting you talk about them

A lot of them were about him and about your future child

Most of them were about how they got hurt in some way, either that or YOU got hurt and the baby died

These, more often than not, brought you to tears and stress you out, but Levi is right there, okay? Nothing can hurt you, nor would he let anything happen to you on his watch

Learns how to massage you (safely) to reduce stress

Definitely talks to the baby a lot

Levi begged you to be induced so the birth was safe and not a sudden occasion and you agree

On the day the doctor recommended, you arrived at the hospital and got down to business

Levi didn't really want to be in the room with you, but he knew he had to for your sake and he'd played a few birth simulators from both perspectives and you really needed him

Kinda sits there awkwardly comforting you and encouraging you, holding your hand and caressing your cheeks, a bit flushed from exertion and tears

Listen

If the baby is a boy, his name will be Henry and that's final

If it's a girl, he doesn't really care, as long as you don't name her 'mammonia' or something dumb like that

definitely crashes your hospital bed to snuggle until the baby is ready

cries when the baby wraps its extremely small digits around one of his own

also at the little horns protruding from its head

and the tuft of purple in its head

Also Smitten™

He's so excited to get home and show off his beautiful baby to his brothers and then formulate a plan to raise the kid to live and breathe TSL just like his daddy <3

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