#AND IM A VERY SENSITIVE PERSON AND I DONT LIKE BEING MEAN SO I OFTEN LOSE Q_Q

[phagodyke]

ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.

[softshuji]

y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.

[adumbratrapedme]

Toxic!bf!Tsukishima headcanons - gaslighting

Kei Tsukishima, with his sarcastic and seemingly indifferent personality, might appear harmless. However, beneath that facade, he could exert subtle and manipulative control over his partner through gaslighting.

╭⋅ Denies Reality: Tsukishima is a master at minimizing your feelings and experiences. If you express your concerns or feel hurt, he'll definitely tell you that you're being too sensitive or that you're overreacting. ╭⋅ Reverses Roles: He'll somehow make you feel guilty for his actions, blaming you for his bad behavior or for the problems in the relationship and even for the problems in his life, oh, they lost a match? your fault. Your yelling distracted him. ╭⋅ Sows Seeds of Doubt: He'll constantly question your judgment and abilities, making you doubt yourself and your perception of reality. ╭⋅ Makes You Feel Crazy and dumb: He'll make you believe that you're imagining things or that you're being too dramatic, and will even make you doubt ur intelligence, did u got a low score at an exam you studied a weak for? yeah, you might need to drop that class, seems like is too much for your little dumb brain. ╭⋅ Uses Sarcasm as a Weapon: His sarcastic and condescending comments can be very hurtful and undermine your self-esteem. ╭⋅ Makes You Feel Grateful for Scraps: He'll make you feel lucky for any show of affection or attention, no matter how small, just keep you hooked. He’ll probably make you have a very low self-esteem and make you believe no one else will love you or that you wont be enough for any other person.

The air in kei’s bedroom hung heavy, thick with unspoken tension. Y/N sat on the edge of the couch, picking at a loose thread on her jeans, while Tsukishima scrolled through his phone, seemingly indifferent to the atmosphere.

"Kei," she began, her voice barely a whisper, "I don't feel so comfortable when you to spend so much time with Yamaguchi."

Tsukishima scoffed, his gaze finally leaving his phone. "And why is that, Y/N? Are you jealous?"

"Jealous? No, of course not. It's just… you spend all your free time with him. We hardly ever do anything together anymore… no dates, no talks, no calls, nothin… i barely even saw you this week."

"Oh, please," Tsukishima scoffed again, "Don't be so dramatic. Yamaguchi is my best friend. Besides, you're always busy with your projects at the “art club”." He used air quotes mockingly.

Y/N bristled. "My art and club is important to me, Kei. Just like volleyball is important to you."

"Of course it is," he said dismissively. "But you spend hours locked in your room making “art”, if you can even call it like that, barely talking to me."

"Because you're always with Yamaguchi!" she retorted, her voice rising, visibly hurt at his words, “if you can even call it like that”? what did that mean?

Tsukishima sighed dramatically. "See? This is what I'm talking about. You're always making a big deal out of nothing. You're so sensitive."

Y/N felt a wave of dizziness. Was she really being too sensitive? Maybe Tsukishima was right. She always seemed to be the one causing problems.

He noticed her deflated expression and a flicker of something akin to amusement crossed his face. "Look," he said, his voice softening slightly, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a jerk, but you always come at me with some stupid problem that basically ends up being your fault, Maybe you should stop being a manager at the art club… it only distances us, we could spend more time together.."

Y/N managed a weak smile. "It's okay… perhaps you are right, i might end up dropping it… i dont think im even that good, and i would like to see you more often"

"See how easy it was? Now come here," he said, patting the space beside him.

Hesitantly, Y/N moved closer, sinking into the cushions beside him. He put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. "I love you, you know," he murmured, his voice low and intimate.

Y/N relaxed against him, the warmth of his body a comforting presence. She almost forgot about the argument, the hurt, the doubt that had been creeping into her mind. Almost.

This was a pattern. Tsukishima would push her buttons, make her feel small and insignificant, and then, just when she was about to break, he would offer a fleeting apology and draw her back in. It was exhausting, but she was starting to wonder if she was the one who was truly broken.

And i know some of you headcanon freaky ahh guchi as a cutie pie but i just know little prick even helps him, y'all cant trick me, he IS a little bitch too, just a little shy with others that arent tsukki.

[lettucedloophole]

they didnt respond to this which i think is very telling! however i also responded immediately which exudes a level of chalance i am not proud of. because sometimes it does make me genuinely sad when cishet men are mean to me on video game. i need to learn how to reply later on to pretend like i don't care so i seem less pathetic ☝️

apex sesh going so atrociously i got hatemail

[drdemonprince]

Any chance you'd expand on the hank hill trans guy post? (Sorry, best indicator I could come up with.) The concept interests me as I decidedly know my maleness, yet don't feel impeded by for the most part, any male gendered norms/boxes. I am fairly masculine, though I rarely use those kinds terms to describe myself. I have found I often do stray outside of what society pushed for me when I transitioned, yet I again do not feel it has taken from my right to maleness whatsoever. I am just me, who happens to be male. I have had friends try and suggest I am NB adjacent but I do not feel this way whatsoever. I feel more people are outliers to gender expectation than we care to admit and it's disappointing the way cis-people deny that. Hope this wasn't too long winded, I value your writing and perspective, and wanted to hear more of your thoughts on this.

Yeah, well so many things all get conflated by gender labels, and it's all so personal, you know? Masculinity does not have to mean maleness, and a person's gender identity might be a reflection of some innate quality they experience themselves as having, or a general summary of their tendencies, or their desired presentation, or their sense of affinity with other people, or an interpersonal tool, or something they just go along with because it was given to them by society, or any other number of things.

I think my recent substack piece on detransition goes into this pretty well, and I have an upcoming piece of what @pastimperfection calls "bilateral dysphoria" that comes out next week that delves into it too.

I think I mostly saw taking on a male identity as a means to an end more than any kind of innate reflection of who I was, though I did feel an affinity with effeminate men for a lot of reasons. I think I also discounted how much I have in common with my fellow nonbinary people of all stripes, because that identity became so strongly associated with being an annoying type of queer person that everybody else just wrote off as ultimately being their assigned gender at birth anyway no matter how much they protested. it doesn't help that 'nonbinary' is a catchall term for literally thousands if not millions of very distinct experiences and desires.

transitioning gave me control over how i was perceived, finally, but hormones are a throttle that only go in one very specific direction, and you don't really have all that much control over which changes kick in at which times and what people will make of you once you do start registering to them as some identity other than what you were first saddled with. it's an incredible gift to be able to toggle that throttle. but it's limited, not because medical transition isn't incredible and needed for so many, but because there is no escaping the goddamned binary cissexist logic that influences everything about how people treat you, how you navigate institutions, who finds you desirable and what they want out of you, and so much else.

if you're able to cast a lot of the external societal bullshit aside and feel strong in your maleness, maybe you're stronger than me or maybe our orientation to these things is just different, i don't know. i was never all that sensitive to feedback that i was doing the whole being-a-woman-thing all that wrong. i reveled in violating those rules to an extent. succeeding at being a woman despite my best attempts was what felt super dysphoric. and now i guess im succeeding at being a man, insofar as im always read as one, and it feels just as uncomfortable and objectifying and false. i thought that with manhood i could probably just grit my teeth and deal with it, but i'm finding that i can't.

ive always been very open that for me, gender is a thing I Do, and i guess to those who know me well it wouldnt be surprising to hear that i have gotten tired of Doing Being a Man and dont feel like playing that particular gendered game anymore. I tend to get bored of things! and find the flaws in things. and find my comfort in being fault-finding and contrarian and not being a joiner. and thats okay. i learned a lot along the way. not having to try any more is a huge relief. i can just do whatever. and know actively that people will more often than not be wrong in what they make of me.

maybe it was natural feeling for you to decidely 'know' your maleness without a care for masculine standards because that is the right identity for you! and maybe i only feel secure in the "not knowing" realm and in letting go of what people think of me or finding any kind of tidy categorization for it because that's the right spot for me. for now. until i find a new interesting way to be unhappy and striving for more and different again. :) that's just part of being alive, for me.

[melobin]

“i love all 7 not just one” yet ur so dismissive abt a certain member which clearly isn’t loving all 7 goofy ass. no wonder ur friends with ninona 🤣 both y’all r ot6ers

me when i’m onto nothing the fact you can sit and assume you know how i genuinely feel about ot7 riize is crazy to me. you can continue to think what you want to because i can assure you both ninona and i do not gaf !! im far past the point of caring if people think i negatively of me over the situation with seunghan !! i know i love seunghan ! my friends know it too ! i do not gaf if random people on the internet think differently bc frankly why should i ? i run a smut blog girl im just here to talk about cock 99% of the time 😭

if i’m being completely honest here. i feel like people seem to struggle to grasp the concept that people handle things in their own ways. i’m a very sensitive and emotional person and over the years ive been trying to deal with that in a way where i don’t get hurt so easily. i’ve been dealing with severe anxiety for years i have chronic depression if i sat and thought about seunghan’s hiatus every day i would be completely miserable and worried and that’s not how i want to be i want to be okay i want to feel okay.

grief has never been something i ever get too emotional over it just doesn’t happen, of course it’s sad to not see him there but the way i handle things doesn’t mean i dislike him in anyway shape or form and i’m frankly quite tired of having to explain myself about this. at the end of the day, if seunghan returns it’ll be one of the best things to happen, it’ll make me incredibly happy, i don’t talk about my emotions often but if you want the truth there it is. if he, god forbid, ends up being removed from riize then it will hurt me and i will be upset. i’d rather spend his hiatus in a middle group of knowing there’s realistically a 50/50 chance of him returning and him not rather than sitting and getting my hopes up only to be hurt and upset after.

the way i deal with this hiatus is for my own benefit and my own sanity, i don’t want to be sad all the time, i just barely made it out of a depressive episode and i know if i sat and dwelled on him being on hiatus then i probably wouldn’t have made it out of it. the way i treat the other 6 members is the same way i treat seunghan, i feel the same way about them all, it’s just not as simple to show that when he’s not in gifs or videos or photos.

writing about him is not as easy because i haven’t seen him for months and as time has gone by the other 6 have become more visibly comfortable and free on camera and we never got to see that with him. i love writing for him, his porn plot fic is one of my favourite fics ive written and im always happy to write for him. i just tend to write more for sungchan and eunseok because those are the members i am more sexually attracted to, im a slut man idk what you want me to say. people rarely send asks about seunghan, they’re mainly about sungchan and anton and there’s nothing i can do about that. if people send asks about him, i answer them? if they don’t then i dont, i can’t answer something that isn’t there.

i don’t mean to post such a long rant but frankly i’m just tired of having to say the same thing over and over. no, i don’t care if you think badly of me over it, i don’t care for people who think they know how i feel about something and act as if their opinion is the be all end all. so thank you for sending this so i could freely express my feelings about this.

and DAWG leave ninona out of this as well !!! she expressed why she doesn’t write for him and i touched on my own feelings about writing for seunghan. i never once viewed her in a negative way, she’s one of the funniest people ive had the pleasure of befriending and no, she doesn’t hate seunghan either !

[thenightfolknetwork]

I didn't mean to. It was an accident. I swear I didn't know. I just...

The town I'm from is secluded, very secluded. Still using landlines and slow and spotty internet secluded. It's one of those towns hidden away by mountains and trees that take days to get in and out of. My point is that news is slow to get in, and about half is debated as rumor and "conspiracies against the common people."

I hope im saying this right. As i said, resources are limited, so please forgive any offense. The "People of the Night" are still thought to be myth here. If there are any um "Nightfolk" here, they haven't made themselves known. Not that I'd blame them, but it would have made this a lot easier, maybe prevented it even. I'm sorry I'm rambling, I'm still a bit shaken.

I thought I was just approachable. When someone's lost or needed help, they'd always find their way to me. No trouble at all, I enjoyed it. But it happened so often, My friends used to say that I "just had one of those faces."

It felt good to be needed. I'd ask how someone was. They'd vent to me what was going on, and I listened. If I could and they wanted it, I'd offer advice, but most just wanted to be heard.

But, a couple of weeks ago, I was walking with my best friend. We were just catching up, nothing serious. It was meant to be a joke, a reference to my tendency of "being one of those faces." I asked her if she had any dark secrets she wanted to share.

She did.

You'd thought I'd told her to do it at knifepoint. Her story came pouring out like an overpowered hose. When she finished, the look she gave me. I can't unsee it.

When it was over, i tried to thank her for trusting me with such sensitive information, but she told me to save it. I don't know how, but we both knew it was my fault.

She told my friend group what happened and now no one wants to speak to me. I tried to explain myself, but they refused to listen or trust what I had to say. Out of frustration, I asked one person why they were avoiding me, and they responded, "Because I always knew you were weird."

There was no denying that I... forced them to tell me that in some way, but it wasn't on purpose! But I must have proved something because now I can't leave my house because everyone is LOOKING at me.

I've been using a paper and pencil to get by as well as trying to learn BSL because im afraid to speak again. How many of those talks that I had were unvoluntary? How many people were forced to be honest and just pretended to be civil because they were scared of me?

I don't know if this is new or something that I'd always done. I'm alone here. The only reason I know as much as I do about the Creature Community is because I accidentally stumbled across your show on my radio.

I dont know who i am anymore. I miss singing and talking to people, but I'm terrified that I'll compel someone by accident. How do I get better? Where do I go from here?

Oh, reader. This must be a very frightening, upsetting time for you. I'm so glad you felt able to reach out to us here at the Nightfolk Network for support.

First of all, I hope you are able to see the difference between taking responsibility for your past actions, and making a martyr of yourself. You have been unthinkingly, unknowingly hurting people, and you do need to recognise that before you can try to make amends. But the harm you caused was entirely accidental. Please, be gentle with yourself.

In terms of practical steps forwards, I can reassure you: you are not alone in your powers, or in finding them difficult to control. Often powers of this kind make themselves known early in an individuals life, and you can imagine how difficult it can be to control the spoken wishes of a babbling toddler.

Nevertheless, many people in your situation go on to live perfectly ordinary lives with good control over their powers. And you have the advantage over a toddler, in that you are not only fully cognisant of the detrimental effects of such powers but also already able to find alternative ways to communicate.

Your first step is to contact your GP and arrange an appointment to discuss the matter. Write them a letter explaining the situation, and emphasising your need to conduct the appointment without speech. In a small, rural community like yours, it's very likely your GP will have little to no personal experience of such cases. But they will be able to refer you to an NHS specialist with whom you can explore possible treatment options.

In most cases, those options will be either medication, behavioural therapy, or more usually a combination of the two. I understand that there is a great deal of stigma around thauma-damping medication. Please, resist this pattern of thought.

Medication is nothing more or less than a tool we might use to help us live our lives. Taking medication does not indicate a lack of effort or will on your part in controlling your powers. It just makes a very difficult thing slightly easier.

However, NHS waiting lists for this type of treatment can be lengthy. In the meantime, I strongly recommend you reach out as best you can to your community. Writing a letter, text or email to your best friend would be a good start, explaining the situation as best you can and leaving the door open for her to rekindle the relationship if she feels able.

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to forcibly mend the relationship. You can only present yourself honestly and hope that, in time, you are able to find your way back to something like the friendship you shared before this.

In the meantime, try to connect with other people in the community if you can. The Internet can be a wonderful place to connect with others, and your local library may have information about support groups in the wider area.

Above all, reader, take heart. There is plenty to be hopeful about here. You are not doomed to a life of fearful silence, or of isolation and solitude. With a little work, and plenty of support from the people around you, I see no reason why you shouldn't enjoy a long and happy life full of genuine connection with the people around you.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[blubushie]

I hate how many characters get transmasc'd. its not that i hate trans ppl or whatever, its that it 99% of the time happens to popular male characters with an afab fanbase. And that those male characters also get woobified and infantilized. Its happening with scout tf2 and its happening with daisuke (from Mouthwashing. hes a relatively innocent/morally good character who is described as a ray of sunshine, incompetent at his job on a flight crew, but willing to learn.) They both get mischaracterized as uwu flowercrown-wearing meowmeow blorbos and, obviously, get trans-masc'd. it feels like the fanbase just doesnt want to admit they like a male character but dont want the backlash of genderbending, so they just make him trans. thats just Man Lite! Thats not really a guy, just a cute girl with short hair we call 'man'! that means its okay to like him now, not when he was an icky cis guy! idk if im making any sense. i hate how people stereotypically trans male characters' gender. its like they cant like a man wholeheartedly unless they 'soften the edges' by making him 'less of a man' via transness, whether they realize it or not.

Bad bait but in the off chance it's not:

Have you considered that a lot of these are trans men who are seeing themselves in a character and headcanoning to share something more physical with them?

I do agree somewhat with the latter part of that paragraph but I do not like how you phrased that. I'm sure there's something there but I find it more concerning if people are doing that out of the sense that trans men are "men lite" and not real men. Because they are real men. Maybe I'm being sensitive but "That's not really a guy, just a cute girl with short hair we call 'man'!" rubbed me the wrong way, hyperbole or not.

That said I think the vast majority of people doing this are either doing it for a diversity aspect of a largely cis cast, or for point #1. People see a character similar to themselves and want to share more similarities with them so they feel more represented and less alone.

A more common trend I've noticed is that characters who are canonically personalised as immature (at least in comparison to their peers) are the ones getting the trans headcanons. I personally would like to see more Very Mature And Masculine Men headcanoned as trans, but also this varies by fandom widely, and while I want to see them it doesn't mean I hate other trans headcanons. In TF2 it's mainly Scout, but I can reckon that's because he's the youngest on the team and a lot of the fanbase (especially here on Tumblr) vibe with him on the level of young and brash and cocky. And again, this varies by fandom. The character that most people will trans HC varies widely, though it's often the character that the majority of the fanbase has something in common with.

I'm gonna be honest mate anytime someone has to start a paragraph with "I don't hate [demographic] but-" the next thing to come out of their mouth immediately makes it sound like they don't like that demographic. And you sound like you don't like trans people all that much.

Work on that whether you're cis or trans, cuz you sound like you got some prejudice going on either way.

[kanohivolitakk]

Can i hear more of your thoughts on ehlek if you want bc im very intrigued by your bingo answers and the hc you mentioned

Absolutely! Full disclousure though: Im villain woobifier and while I dont woobify all my villain blorbos, Ehlek is one of the ones that I do.

Ehlek is my third favorite Barraki (my 1 and 2 being Pridak and Takadox respectively if you're curious) and one of my favorite characters in the series as whole. I honestly consider him to be one of the most underrated characters in the series, and easily the most underrated character that isn't a serial-exclusive lore character (see Miserix or Artakha for instance). Just, I adore him so much.

One of the main reasons I like Ehlek is because of he is rather unique by Bionicle villain standards. Ehlek is one of the rare villains in the series that isn't a variation of the "powerhungry conqueror with a personality gimmick to stand them out" archetype because...he isn't really powerhungry or greedy at all. Instead, Ehlek is pretty much exclusively characterized by his anger and paranoia towards others. Ehlek is motivated not by a thirst of power, but rather by his emotions: from what I recall most of his actions in canon stem from wanting to hurt whatever upset him that day. And like I said, this incredibly unique by Bionicle villain standards, the only other villain who is motivated exclusively by emotion is Miserix, and guy isn't even really a villain (TSO and Pridak ocasionally are driven by their emotions, but they still mainly fall to the "powerhungry bastard" trope Greg loved to use). And not just is Ehlek stand out, he stands out in a way I like. I love villains driven by their emotion, so Ehlek being a paranoid distrusting mess is just the absolute best for me.

Because Ehlek is an emotionally driven character and doesn't fall for the "greedy bastard Greg villain mold" unlike his fellow Barraki (Takadox and debatably Carapar not withstanding), I actually really like thinking of Ehlek as the "token sympathetic villain" of the Barraki. I ADORE the "token sympathetic/nice guy in a villain faction" trope, and wish it was something Bionicle had done more often. Now, due to Barraki being tyrannic conquerors, seeing any of them as a "good guy" is kinda iffy. However, I do think having one of them be less bastardly and more sympathetic/tragic could work very well. And I think Ehlek is the best fit given his personality as said. As such a lot of my Ehlek related headcanons are giving him more sympathetic traits. Including giving him a tragic backstory because of course I would.

So my backstory headcanon for Ehleks backstory is rather long and detailed, so I wont go everything here. But I can give you a summary. Basically my headcanon for Ehlek is that he was a prince/ruler of one of the many underwater kingdoms in a continent somewhat wayside of the Matoran Universe. He was well meaning and rather naive, and thus was used as a political pawn by other political figures. He was repeatedly manipulated and taken adcantage of both by other rulers and his own allies. Eventually, after being told he had been used by his own advisor the whole time, Ehlek snapped, and killed anyone he saw as a threat, including the aforementioned advisor. Guy basically become a tyrant after having his trust being broken and kindness abused one too many times.

And thats why I put all those "aaa poor baby uwu" answers. Ehlek for me is a tragic figure who was evil not by nature, but because being repeatedly betrayed and used broke his mind to a distrustful mess. He never wanted to hurt anyone, he just wanted to love and help others. Unlike the other five Barraki he wasnt always an opportunistic warmongerer, he was orginally a kindhearted sensitive soul that wasnt able to take it anymore, so he broke. Just god little little baby you didnt deserve it and shouldve been able to live a happy nad fulfilling life.

[nerves-nebula]

heyo, uh sorry for the super long message, and sorry this question is a little strange or somethin, you dont have to answer it, but youre like the only person i have seen on the internet comfortably talk about csa, and i wanted to just kinda say ive been debating including csa in one of my characters backstories but im nervous i will misrepresent it or something (i have experience with being sexually harrassed/coerced when i was a teenager but it wasnt drastic and i am not a victim of csa) and i guess i wanted advice. i don't want it to seem like its for cheap shock value, i do want to make it thematically relevant. the character, who i will call S for conveniance, was raised in isolation by their mother for their entire childhood and was abused and neglected, and S was raised to be "bait" for people to lure them in so their mother could eat them (uh. yeah cannibalism is here too. their backstory is already fucked up without the csa) i have a basic idea for how the csa starts, how it incorporates itself into the story and how S is affected by it, but i dont know, im nervous about including any of this because again, its a serious topic, and i want to portray it in a way that doesnt feel like its there just to make the reader disgusted. so if you have any pointers for me i'd appreciate that. again no big deal if you dont answer this

well it sounds like you've already made it thematically relevant with the whole "raised to be bait" thing so good job. I can absolutely see myself reading a story like that and thinking "this would be improved with csa but the author probably didnt wanna go there" cuz I can't imagine a situation in which a child is created for and frequently put in that kind of danger for the parents benefit that wouldn't somehow cross over into CSA or at least emotionally incestuous behavior.

it makes sense to be nervous when writing about it but without exact examples i can't really tell you if i think you're off base on anything. im not sure if any of the general pointers i COULD give would be very helpful on account of i'm not the end all be all of csa representation haha. my situation wasn't even that bad, i'm just inordinately fixated on it for some reason.

some people will tell you that under no circumstances should you write a graphic csa scene. this comes from an understandable place where in the past a lot of csa in media has been very uhhhh exploitative i guess? just for shock value, like you said here? which can be alienating and hurtful and rely on unrealistic tropes and spread misinformation and a lot of bad stuff. but i personally like when things get a bit graphic, its why i liked The Incest Diary so much. it really depends on the tone of the story and you're just gonna have to accept that you're not gonna please everyone.

as for less/non-graphic csa portrayals theres this article by this author Rene Denfeld which i really like and respect. i've read her books The Child Finder and The Butterfly Girl and i think they're both good examples of portraying explicitly that a child was raped, focusing on the childs inner world, and what its like to live with and cope with that trauma afterwards, all without anything very explicit.

as a side note, i don't think that "Trying to make the reader disgusted" is a bad reason to include it. i dont think you need a higher justification to write about csa other than "I Wanted To." that doesnt mean i always enjoy or agree with how ppl write about it but trying to evoke disgust isnt inherently bad because it is disgusting. I often evoke disgust with my art even when I don't mean to just because people are more sensitive to it than I am.

but being overly cautious about writing about csa, to the point that you don't even include it, means that most of the ppl writing about it will either be dickheads who don't care at all about being sensitive and victims of csa themselves and when those are the two main categories things get iffy and stressful and the survivors voices often get drowned out. im not gonna go into why cuz that'll take foreverrrrr. but my point is that I don't believe CSA is worse than like, death, or grief or murder or something. you can write about it if you wanna you dont need an excuse.

[cephalotyrant]

Hiiiiiiiiii so. Azurido bodyswap.

Think about it; these two housewardens who constantly seem to be bickering, and then one day during a joint alchemy class they accidentally swap bodies...

Azul trying to run heartslabyul and hastily memorizing all the queens' rules; speaking of i had a sudden thought do you think azul would learn the rules for riddle after they start dating so he can easily come over to heartslabyul and follow all the rules teehee anyways back on topic Azul is mentioned to have less magic capacity so im imagining him being like "okay yeah this kid's currently on a murderous rampage buuuut do I REALLY need off with your head rn why can't i just assert my dominance with words or some shit works with floyd" (i'l never forget that time azul made floyd kneel as punishment... sad moment)

And then Riddle... bless his heart he's too much of a reasonable honest person for octavinelle's bs he's like "stop scamming students" and they're like "um ACKSHUALLY you see the free market and blah blah blah-" Riddle can't behead them anymore because azul doesn't have that power (loser) so he's just like -_- waiting for them to stop talking please oh please what he wouldn't do for them to shut the fuck up-

also weird thought riddle out of instinct trying to cast owyh and then accidentally activating the true form of it's a deal and just... knocking a bunch of guys out cold. and his glasses. he hates them bc they keep getting foggy.

speaking of glasses azul keeps trying to push them up except they dont exist fuckin L hah hah everybody point and laugh

and riddle's high heels... azul falls over (point and laugh part 2)

anyways getting a bit more serious I do feel like azul and riddle do have more similarities in leadership style (like how azul's canonically very irritable with octavinelle students and ortho mentions it's actually quite rare to see him in a good mood just like riddle) so... poor heartslabyul guys aren't catching a break just yet. Except instead of being collared it's just like "shut the fuck up travis this is why you're poor" "3.8 gpa santocruz??? I think you mean 1.8 because those tabloids could only be written by a FUCKING IDIOT" (i'm joking PLEASE DONT KILL ME I MERELY JEST besides we all know azul probably tries to seem uber classy so he wouldn't swear)

meanwhile octavinelle students have never seen such rage... even more scarily... HONESTY AND STRAIGHTFORWARDNESS (an octavinelle student's worst nightmare)

Anyways Riddle and tweel interactions here are just so funny if this is before floyd realizes the truth because it's like

"Lemme squeeze you, goldfishie!"

"Riddle" has NO REACTION. ICE COLD.

And then "Azul" waltzes in and is like "Floyd why how could you do this that is highly improper!!!!!!!"

Ofc "Riddle's" like "so i owe you now" bc azul wants riddle in his debt lmaooo

Azul keeps trying to find riddle's weakness... but it goes wrong...

Short scene:

Azul gazed into the mirror of Heartslabyul's bathroom, looking at every new detail at this new face of his. Riddle's face. He was looking for weaknesses. Yes, weaknesses, as dastardly as it seemed.

Like - how those soft, sun-kissed cheeks were likely sensitive to light, and how those gorgeous little heart-shaped tufts of hair often added to Riddle's poutiness, and-

Wait, why was Riddle's face growing redder in the mirror all of a sudden?

Womp womp azul you're gay for him

Anyways they turn back and it all gets found out blah blah... Azul saying the most down-bad shit when he thinks no one can hear like "riddle-san looks even prettier from up close" jade and floyd overhear his little mumble he never leaves it down...

and riddle... is hyperfixating over azul's moles. he knew about the one on his chin but there's MORE??? On The neck? The COLLARBONE??? He never undressed (neither did azul bc they were swapped for a pretty short time so it was pretty easy not to as just... yk a respect/consent thing) but while adjusting his tie and stuff he noticed. He is now freaking out over it to Trey. Why does he care??? When can he sign up to kiss them??? More on seven.

OOOOOOAAAAAGHHHHHH BARK BARK BARK BARK GRRR MOEWWW HISSS CRASH BOOM MY LEG!!!

Memorizing the rules would be a DAUNTING ass task bro. But Azul is up to it and I bet he memorized them just for fun at one point so he could find all the loopholes (and rub them in riddles face) funnily enough, Heartslabyul is confuse because it seems like Riddle has gotten... sharper? Some clock him immediately as wrong (ADTC)-- Riddle often stands stiffly and probably has a resting bitch face, let's be real. but now the way he stands is almost looser, more fluid, his body more expressive, flexing his hands. In his attempt to follow the rules, Azul IMMEDIATELY calls out someone using a loophole. But for today, he'll let it slide-- but I better not catch you doing that again, else there will be consequences. (He means Jade and Floyd it was on instinct) Even the way he SPEAKS is different, and why is he talking about himself so much? Don't get started on the moment Azul is mentioned-- why is he suddenly avoiding speaking any bad about Azul Ashengrotto? They were at each other's throats just this morning!

He feels weirdly frail. Not only does he lack his octo-stength, he has to look up at absoloutely everyone! And these heels are ridiculous! Of course, he's heard all about Riddle boasting that the dorm uniform being a replica of the first housewarden of Heartslabyul, but he could have omitted SOME details. The way everyone straightens their back when they hear the clacking of his heels, though... that's quite nice. It's hard not to powertrip.

I'm not going to get into it I'm not going to get into it I'm not-- FUCK. He can't help but be envious of the complete lack of fat on Riddle's body, the way his uniform cinched his waist just right. Perhaps there were some benefits of being so small... And there's a constant dull ache in his dominant hand. Seriously, for someone raised for a future in medicine, he doesn't appear to be taking care of himself very well! Maybe he'll snoop about the room for a diary, finding a drawer full of letters from a very particular woman-- and leave the investigation there. Funnily enough, it fills him with the urge to write his own letter to his own mother... he hasn't spoken to her in a while.

At least the bed is fantastic? Let's just hope Trey doesn't walk in while he's giggling and wrapping himself up burrito-style into the blankets.

Azul (Riddle) back at Octavinelle seems like he's one moment away from a STROKE. So much so that every few moments red rings swirl in his eyes-- his last straw being the fourth pencil he breaks in a row. Since when has Azul been this strong!? Does his dishonest nature extend to taking steroids?? He's going to have a VERY long talk with him later! His glasses keep getting smudged and sliding down his nose, and Azul's layered clothing was so ridiculously heavy-- being of average height is kind of nice, though.

Jade and Floyd clock him as NOT AZUL right away I fear... though it is a little funny to watch Azul's body throw a tantrum and stomp his feet. They freak out, however, when Riddle realizes he has the strength to preperly defend himself... not good. If he can't behead them, he can go physical. Really, he's not fit at all to run Mostro or do deals atp... but Jade and Floyd think it'd be funny if he fucked some up. He's rather impressed by how such a busy establishment runs so smoothly, and the employees, namely, the waiters, are rather polite. They stand straight and speak clearly... Azul’s done quite well.

THE MOLES ARGH...

—

Finally. A respite from the endless things that needed his attention– as the housewarden of Heartslabyul, he was used to tending issues left and right, but this experience, being trapped in Azul’s body, had stretched his patience thin. Azul, truly, had his fingers in far too many pies.

Discarding anything the Octavinelle housewarden wore on the regular would have been improper, though it certainly didn’t prevent him from complaining about it. The layers of the dorm uniform were oppressive, to put it lightly– even his cape, for how it dragged across the ground, wasn’t nearly as heavy. The cummerbund was too tight to be considered remotely comfortable. He abandons it on the chair in front of the vanity.

He tugs on silky purple fabric to undo the bowtie, the thing having gone crooked, most likely from when he undid the suspenders or pulled off the jacket. It’s always satisfying to allow one’s neck to breathe at the end of the day–

Eh?

Right there, not too far from under the collar, is a culmination of small dark spots. Three, in fact. And just when he peels back the collar to get a better look at them, there’s another one, right there, on his collarbone!

Experimentally, he runs a finger over them. They’re just spots of pigment… so why do they make his breath hitch and his face warm so?

The door beside the vanity swings open without warning, causing him to jump and squeeze the collar shut in alarm, crumpling the, no doubt, expensive fabric. He curses, seeing one of two tall eel mermen at the door.

“Are you accustomed to coming in unannounced?”

Jade smiles, half concealing it with a hand. “Oh my. Look at you, you already sound so much like our dearly departed Azul.”

“D– dearly departed!? He’s in my body, not deceased!”

[fipindustries]

satire must [be funny] lest it becomes [unfunny]

I see all the time people online coming up with these bespoke "rules of comedy". trying to determine what makes something funny or not, what makes a joke valid vs what makes it offensive. what counts as "good satire" and what makes something "bad satire" and, honestly?

i think it's pure cope.

i think in the vast, vast, vast majority of cases what is actually going on is that what makes something funny is dictated by how closely it affects you and how much you agree with the message and that is it.

people like to claim that satire must have a "clarity of intent", or that it must "punch up instead of punch down" or whatever, and i don't believe it, i dont think people are being honest when they say these things, trying to evaluate why THEIR joke about white guys is totally incisive and edgy and hilarious but YOUR joke about hispanic gay women is actually offensive and abusive and problematic.

most often it is not about structure, or format or formula, a joke can be incredibly cleverly done but if it hits a personal nerve or is saying something that makes you upset then whatever mirth one is supposed to derive from the cleverness of the joke is overshadowed by the fact the message is upsetting.

problem is, now a days, that the worst cardinal sin someone can commit online, the absolute most terrible crime someone can be find guilty of, is being offended. nobody wants to be a soy, censorious, tut-tutting, wet blanket whose feelings get hurt. so they try to take on this academic affectation for why actually the problem is not at all with the content or the message but actually the flaw is that is not funny at a fundamental level because of structural reasons, because of a miscalibration of the formula. as if any joke about trans women being ugly and killing themselves would make a trans person laugh if it presented the joke in just the right way (i mean, im sure there are some trans women who would laugh but i dont think it would be the majority)

i can laugh at some terribly offensive joke regarding, say, race or sexuality or crime or death or trauma because i am not the target of the joke, i have very little in common with the demographic the joke is about, is not saying anything about me or the things i care about. but i will balk at jokes that paint me or the people i care about in a bad light because im human and have feelings and things im sensitive about, and i think its time we all start being a bit more honest about it

[stellarcobweb]

have i ever mentioned tht whenever i think of the web i just go "thats just my mom?"

(putting a break in here bc after typing everything out, its more of a ramble than i thought it would be)

like. specifically in my own weird as hell way. as well as like *insert my conpantheon and soft polytheism, certain aspects and presentations can be forms that make it easier to talk to and influence humanity*

for whatever reason i look at like. moon/primordial void/mother as being very very VERY Web . using Smirkes detailing of the Fears (which . i think its a lot more nebulous than that but whatever)

also its DEEPLY funny to me that like. my system name for the longest time and even now tbh was Maratus, with collective name Mara for short. Maratus is the peacock spider genus

as well as my Thing abt weaving fate together, getting into tatting lace and crochet, wanting to get even more into like. honest to god spinning and weaving and knot magic and stitch magic in my practice

AND ALSO. final nail in THAT coffin. someone did an energy reading on me once and straight up got fullblown spider demon vibes off of me? w the concept of "you can literally spin ur own web" as something they noticed. which is just. FASCINATING.

+ my energy being called sticky and/or web-like on multiple occasions

like. thinking of terms that i would consider myself w the Fears that ARENT the spiral (bc i am first and foremost an Avatar of the Spiral).

Child of the Web feels a lot better than any of the others? bc im not a Victim, Avatar, or even really necessarily Marked imo. its just like. thats who created me? thats who made me and who built me out of nothing? thats who legit created my soul? if nobody has my back, i know my Mama has my back! its a more personal relationship than anything else honestly. just like. wholeass that is my Mother and i am absolutely my Mother's Child. you *could* consider me marked from birth but idk that doesnt feel OR sound right

(also im a pretty doll :) i mean Doll and dollself are legit. identity at this point. both for coping reasons and xenic reasons. in both marionette AND bjd ways. im not human! and have never ever felt human!)

+ Marked by the Lonely . bc yeah former Victim WOOOOO my childhood was AWFUL!

ik theres an Eye association w me but i have no idea what it is. shrug. research is my hobby and i legit live for doing it. also it def feels nice to chew on info when im researching, very satisfying. no i dont think im an Avatar, and im definitely not a Victim. the Eye just straight up doesnt scare me. tbh i think theres *potential* for Avatarhood fr me at some point but if it happens it happens idrc either way. i just exist!

...honestly Victim of the Corruption would also apply to me but i take a very "if i dont see it it doesnt exist" approach to that and its not anything active in my life . fr the most part. so shrug

YKNOW. the Dark would be called my parent too. i dont think of that part of things as often as i do my Mom but like. Child of the Dark also fits here. i mean . "Born from dark water, daughter of the rain and snow" is something that i take fully as identity. (yes thats a line from Landscape by Florence and the Machine). also it connects to my former beliefs abt Leviathan = soul parent and what is he but associated with the abyss, water, and darkness

ngl its also funny looking at that from the concept of like. my eyes practically cannot handle any direct sunlight. it hurts them so bad ;;v;; like my eyes are ridiculously sensitive to light and i have insanely good night vision somehow. i know literally nobody else like that. also the concept of the Void is deeply comforting actually. vantablack :)

also unrelated slightly but A Fathers Love is my favorite episode out of literally all of the ones ive heard on TMA. like its just the best one ever

[noeysnowy]

Binding for newbies

(This is not a comprehensive list and your welcome to add if i missed anything)

SO! You want to bind your chest, well your in luck i have some info and tips so you have somewhere to start off!

The 2 ways im familiar with binding is by using transtape and a chest binder.

Ill be talking about:

- What they are

- The pros and cons

- Application/usage (and removal)

- And the potential dangers

transtape:

is a tape made from cotton and spandex that you apply to you chest, you cut two strips that you apply on your boobs and then pull your boobs out to each side. Youll find it in rolls like this

Chest binders:

are a vest that compresses your chest. Theyre a very popular method of binding. They’ll typically look like this (you can also get a swim binder)

Pros!

Transtape:

- is great for shaping the chest into a masculine shape! It’s incredibly customisable because you cut the peices yourself and decide how flat you want it.

- It can be worn for up to 5 days! You can work out, shower, swim and do practically anything with it on and itll stick! Itll get a little icky after those days but you can enjoy your flattened chest for a whole week!

It usually comes in a range of skin-colours to match or you can get fun patterns and colours!

Binder:

- its much quicker to put on and its an easy everyday solution

- many say their chest feels flatter with a binder

-feels very secure because of the pressure

- its just one purchase that last years!

Cons

Transtape

- When you take it off your skin is sensitive and in my experience my nipples are very sensitive

-if applied wrong it can seriously irritate the skin, so the proper application method is a little slow

-its all about practice so you might not get the flatness you want on your very first try

- you have to continuously buy some instead of it just being one purchase (make sure to cross reference so you dont have to way wayyyy to much)

Binder:

- you cant do any sports because you arent able to breathe like you should. I mean it, do not do sports with a binder. (You can get a specific swim binder though)

- it can get dangerous if you where it for more than 8 hours a day

- its a bit tricky to put on and take off

- get sweaty so you have to wash them

Application/usage (and removal):

So the most important part about binding is doing it correctly, but its often hard to find info on what not to do and what to do, so I’ve compiled everything you need to know.

Transtape:

Application is tricky and i find writtten instruction is basically useless so i found some great video tutorials on how to apply it!

Small chest:

Medium chest:

Big chest:

And a very important part is taking transtape off again, now i have personally commited the cardinal sin of just ripping it off, dont do that you will fuck up your skin. Instead you have to lather the peice of tape in oil (any oil is good, i use coconut) and lather the whole thing so its very saturated, then wait a 1-3 minutes for the adhesive to let go and then peal it off. If you feel its sticking to your skin still, put some more on and pull softly.

And heres a video for good measure:

In general the TransTape youtube channel is great for info about transtape, so definetly check them out if you buy some. Their website also offers transtape, nipple covers and oil.

Binder:

Binders are a lot quicker to put on as its just a vest, but its tight and its a bit tricky so if you can get someone to help you on your first try id recommend that.

Now there are a few important things to know about wearing binders, so you can wear them properly and not fuck up your ribs

1. Make sure to get the right size, this is very important for your chest health (your website should have a measurement chart)

2. Never wear it longer than 8 hours

3. Take a minimum of 2 break days a week (as in dont wear it) I usually do that in the weekend.

4. Never double bind, as in wear two at once, and never wear a tight sportsbra over or under it to make it flatter, again you will fuck up your ribs and you cant fix that.

5. If it hurts take it off, I know dysphoria is an incredibly tough battle but your health is more important. I believe in you <3

6. Never and i mean never do sports with a binder on

7. Wash it! it gets sweaty and stinky over time so definetly wash it. I wash by hand with some warm water and delicate laundry detergent but your specific binder should have instructions on how to wash it on the tag.

Dangers:

Both of these methods sadly have some downsides, but they are avoidable if you use them correctly

Transtape:

can irritate your skin if you put it on wrong, it gets itchy and if you scratch, you can cause sores, which then means you cant wear your tape till its healed. Ive tried this and it is a HELL so put it on properly!

Binders:

Are dangerous because they compress your entire chest and that means your ribs and all the important organs inside em, so when buying i binder make sure to buy yours size and if youre in between, buy the bigger one, under no sircumstance should you but a binder that is to small, it can seriously harm you.

When your ribs are bent, you cant unbend them and they will hurt when you sleep and breathe so please wear it correctly

All in all thats it! I sadly dont know every website for binders and transtape out there but these are the ones ive used (theyre DK specific)

Transting (for binders)

Peech (For transtape)

if you know of any other websites you trust your welcome to add them!

I hope this was a help on your journey with gender expression and euphoria, i love you, I believe in you and happy fucking with gender out there <333

[nightmaredxydreams]

the effects of early childhood trauma are different for everyone. its not always the stereotype "i feel so shattered, useless and hate myself because of my trauma. i remember everything and im the innocent whiny victim"

i disprove some popular false beliefs about early childhood here:

instead of "i feel broken beyond repair because of my trauma" its usually "i feel broken beyond repair because i dont remember my trauma. " if you have all these mental disorders and traits commonly or exclusively in people with trauma, but remember none of that, thats gonna cause some serious denial and self hate. that denial isnt "i dont wanna remember my trauma because it makes me broken! " but more of "i need to remember my trauma to know i have a reason to be this way. i dont wanna be broken but if i know i have trauma it will fix all that. "

instead of "i remember all of my trauma! i am crippled by vivid flashbacks!" its usually "i dont remember any of my trauma or i remember very little, and what i remember doesnt seem bad. i have no reason to be this way. what is a flashback even like?" but flashbacks can come in "oh wow, well that was a weird intrusive thought" e. g. tactile sensations from trauma or brief flashes of images. and because you dont remember the trauma, that makes it seem even more like intrusive thoughts and the flashbacks get brushed off. just because you dont experience the vivid crippling stereotypical flashbacks doesnt mean you never had a flashback, since no one else will say it i will- flashbacks are a spectrum.

instead of "i know my abuse happened. i know its not my fault. im a proud survivor" its more of "i dont think my abuse happened, and when i believe it happened i think its my fault. i am not a survivor or a victim, i am a pretender. " having early childhood trauma hidden will cause a lot of impostor syndrome like symptoms- but instead of being about your abilities and deserving your accomplishments and praise, its more of not thinking you have trauma because you dont remember it, thinking the trauma you remember isnt really trauma and youre "sensitive", and that youre faking being abused, cptsd, etc. you feel like an abuse victim impersonator instead of a real victim, and i think the media stereotypes are to blame. the abuse victims that know their abuse happened are usually abused as teens or adults and then they feel shame instead of pride. they feel like its their fault and they couldve stopped it. in reality, it takes years for any abuse victim to feel like its not their fault and lose the shame. the "proud survivor" is more of an act than a belief. and often the "i remember my trauma" is an act or a paraphrase for "i know my trauma because parts discussed it in therapy and my therapist told me, but i dont remember it myself. "

instead of "i have nightmares about my trauma" its usually "wow i have disturbing dreams every night. sometimes i have nightmares. but oh well dreams are supposed to be weird so what? " but being disturbed by how weird these dreams are isnt normal. weird dreams that are disturbing are often a symptom of cptsd and these dreams dont have to deal with trauma.

instead of "i have mood swings because of my trauma and everyone notices" its more of "my emotions are a rollercoaster and i dont know why. i am angry then happy then sad but the weird thing is, it doesnt feel right, i dont feel like its me and i can easily hide these mood swings. " dissociated emotions from the trauma or for DID/OSDD alters emotions cause that.

early childhood trauma does not look like the late 1970s blond housewife with "multiple personalities who are very obvious" and tears on her face, the firstborn child abused by her father who has severe difficulty functioning because she remembers the trauma. it has many faces and many manifestations. all are valid.

[coldresolve]

yeah, nah, fuck it. im sharing this post and then i'm just gonna link to it whenever it becomes relevant.

every disagreement i have with yall always comes back to me phrasing things in a way that sounds mean. always, always. like duh, i dont try to sugarcoat how i see things, i have realized that, in fact i do it on purpose. why? well.

i come from a culture where it's often interpreted as deceitful and/or shallow to sandwich your point in with superficial courtesy. if you spend too much time packing your point in with whatever you think will make it easier to swallow, people will start to feel like you're infantalizing them, or straight up wasting their time. being direct and honest from the get-go is seen as a sign of respect - yes, even if what you're saying could easily be interpreted as rude. say what you think, say exactly how you feel, and we'll take it from there. that kinda thing.

when i say an opinion or criticise something on here, i am treating you, the reader, like someone who is smart enough to understand the gist of my argument without being bogged down by its delivery, mature enough to recognize the difference between criticism of your work (or general trends) and criticism of you as a person, and emotionally well-adjusted enough to not pin your self-worth on the negative opinions some random guy on the internet might have of something you do/create/like.

i am showing you respect by talking to you as if you are an adult who can deal with what i might have to say. if you're not, and you can't, i expect you to have the wherewithall to not engage with me. i could at the very least respect that. alternatively, you're also welcome to disagree with my points, obviously. i'm always up for a good discussion.

but you responding to criticism like mine with defensiveness, affront, or worse, the idea that you're now justified to go after the criticiser as a person, only comes across to me like immaturity, self-consciousness, self-importance, and in some cases - deliberate or not - obtusiveness. see how that cultural divide can go both ways?

we're probably not gonna find common ground here. i'm tired of being interpreted as aggressive all the time, but i have no intention of conforming to the american ideal of social courtesy, because it makes me feel shallow, disingenuous and fake. meanwhile, you're probably not gonna be able to hear me speak without shaking the knee-jerk feeling that i'm purposefully ignoring the sensitivity of others (because objectively, i am).

so do we chuck the whole thing up to different culturally determined approaches to communicating our ideas? can we keep a shred of respect and mutual understanding and leave it at that?

or are you gonna insist that i'm immoral/rude/aggressive/callous/antagonistic/attacking people/etc, for voicing my own opinions, in my own way, on my own blog - in which case i, in turn, will feel perfectly content to just consider you an inherently silly person?

as far as i can tell, it's one or the other.

(also please please recognize the difference between using culture as an excuse, and pointing out a very real cultural divide that influences both how i communicate and how you interpret how i communicate. my point is that we're gonna keep talking past each other unless we adress the fact that we approach communication with very different goals in mind, mine being effectiveness and honesty and yours being courtesy and social sensitivity. i am also not saying that either one of these is "the right way" to communicate. don't read shit into my takes that isn't there to begin with. thx)