#AND I HOPE ITLL DO SO MUCH FOR YOU EVEN IF ITS JUST FOR A BRIEF TIME!!!!
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listened to betwixt two worlds
first bit w drizzt was good, anyways
okay ONTO BREEZY
catti doesnt like the nickname anymore? aw. in the books she explicitly supports breezy choosing the name.,,,,maybe now that brie is an adult she thinks its silly? (edit: okay she's come around aw.....)
uncle jax and his advice to her. is so sweet im crying. amazing how he started in this series to where he is now hes part of the family, the little kiss on the cheek aughhhhh jarlaxle the caring man that u are
DRAGON SISTERS!!! hi girlies <3
'it was a refuge for regis when he was pursued by dangerous assassins' I THINK THERE WAS ONE ASSASSIN IN PATICULAR , JARLAXLE
'so then he married one." breezy hilarious
drizzt thinks she growing up too fast waaaahhhh
the companions looove sitting around a fire telling stories and roasting regis. breezy finding this boring bcus shes heard this before lollllll.......theyre so silly. i hope breezy gets friends her own age (webtoon where r u) bcus like. the companions of the hall have hella inside jokes. it Would be annoying to be their kid
wulfgar telling breezy theyll go hunting
cussing out her parents when she thinks they cant hear.....lmao
catti brie woman that you are.....the commanding presence you hold....
gromph gave catti a meteor shower spell. atp i dont think he's even trying to impress her as much as just see how much damage she can do. anyways let her do some more nonmagic fighting. the woman yearns for the bow and sword.
aw shit.drow assassins. (me, the whole time, thinking dinin might appear lol). bruenor the only one not worried sick he's like hell yeah grand daughter you did it. matron mother sosumptu is UP TO NO GOOD!!!!!
catti and drizzts convo wahhhh. they have to let her go into the world!! cries
wulfgar taking her yeti huntingggg omg. talking about his kids and also 'its personal' bcus a yeti killed him omfg
i assume this is the elf from the beginning part with the stew....
very cute. good story. its pretty clear breezy doesnt have much real battle/world experience etc so i wonder if the webtoon is set after this (i think she's like 19 or so in this one so i doubt it) or the comic will just be wacky hijinks but more likely itll do it's own thing and this story will just not have referenced it bcus it hadnt come out yet or whatever. Loved all the callidae references!!!
edit: so her hair is in fact auburn LOL
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i feel as if im going mad so im going to just put this out here. real quick. movieunleashers starters ramble.
i cant stop thinking about how mudkip broke down in that one scene in "Typomaniac," when Chespin called him mean. for a second he lets his mask slip a little bit and to me he just... acts his age. he starts crying and calls chespin mean back. maybe im just hyperfocusing on this one detail but mudkip is about 12 years old.
and that just makes me wonder what happened in this guys life that brought him to where he is now. and it makes it all the more tragic how his whole world revolves around chespin, but he is the one bringing him the most pain. and how young he was when he died.
there is a large theme of growing up in "Rare Candy." the characters ages are emphasized in that particular episode, and one of the main conflicts is fennekin wanting to evolve faster.
the thing about characters in these stories is that they're not allowed to just be kids, to have a childhood. so many bad things happen to them. like. mudkips whole, Everything. fennekin when she was famous in typomaniac, or dealing with her own insecurities/pressure from society about her relationship w chespin. and chespin always having to shoulder his friends problems & always somehow managing to stay positive despite everything.
why cant they just. play video games. eat ice cream or something. go to the movies
at the end of the day, i think both mudkip and fennekin are characters who grew up too fast. by distancing himself from them, chespin refused to follow in their footsteps and just wanted to stay a kid.
good for him.
#starters movieunleashers#rambles#long post#mudkip starters#fennekin starters#chespin starters#NOT TO SAY THAT BEING 12 YEARS OLD ABSOLVES YOU OF ALL CRIME BUT GOOD GOD#i honestly think it was good for chespin to distance himself from them??? especially mudkip. holy cow#he seemed... happier(?) in wild oranberries but tbf its hard to say for sure#bc chespin loves doing this thing called “lying”#also. i saw the end credits sequence#not sure how to feel about it i do not have enough information to go off of#but i suppose itll make more sense... all in due time#but going back to what i said earlier i think the issues a lot more complicated#i worry about chespin that boys friendship is basically just “i can fix him!” like girl. no#THEY ALL NEED THERAPY#INCLUDING THE GANG FROM LAVENDER TOWN#*ESPECIALLY* THOSE GUYS#please. ill cry#i cant help but think this will all end in tragedy#i hope mudkip gets a good ending or at least a bittersweet one#like again. he kills people. but hes also like not even in high school and i feel bad for all of them#anyways IM SORRH GOR YHE LONG RAMBLE I RLLY LIKE THIS SERIES??? AND THIS THOUGHT WAS EATING ME ALIVE SO I RLLY WANTED TO SAY IT#hey gang. new hyperfixation#hm. i should also mention the “watching his close friend die on front of him and feeling responsible for it” to the list of chespins traumas#i domt think fennekin was a “bad friend” as much as i think she just had her owm things toing on#and its entirely chespins choice to dostance himself from her
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I want the fnaf dbd chapter to be good so bad
#like theres literally no evidence that it wont be good yet at all#but its FNAF.#like dbd is so creative and has majorly been cooking with recent chapters stepping out of their comfort zone#fnaf chapter has so much potential#but im just afraid itll just be springtrap and a nightguard thats it#no cosmetics of other characters besides like og Freddy fazbear or vanessa survivor#even tho dbd usually has 1 female and 1 male survivor and vanessa is a female security guard important to story and she has a FACE#like it just feels like exactly the kind of L we would take#that somehow she wouldnt make it in#like please behavior cook 😭#give us a vanessa survivor and vanny cosmetic on the springtrap killer and my life is yours#especially because killers have recently been allowed to interact directly with the survivors from their chapter???#like imagine a vanny killer having special lines with a vanessa survivor#fucking peak#the potential is there but you know. its fnaf and im talking about SW era characters here#i have hope but man i hope we get trailers/teasers soon bc im so hesitant to expect all this cool stuff#even tho it genuinely is on track with what dbd does with everything else they do and not wishful thinking#thoughts#pre dbd x fnaf
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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I'm in shambles today. my mini fridge melted some of the ice in its little freezer compartment and I didn't realize until now and now my rug that's sitting there (almost underneath it) is soaked on the corner 🥲🫠
#its like. an eighth of the rug?? idk. it still pisses me off tho 😭#like WHY why did you melt. youre so annoying. im so annoyed ahsjsjsj#i cant even move it out atm because i have so much fucking shit covering it UGH 😕 i hate. depression. and depression rooms (specif. mine).#im just hoping itll dry out by itself. i do NOT want mold jfc.#ill prolly check it in a couple hours (so long as i dont fall asleep for a millenia 🧍♂️)#yapping
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its 4 am and well, im not doomscrolling but i have thoughts lol... i should turn them off and go back to sleep
#minhmy rambles#for the record right now im completely fine like. im not gonna let this stupid orange stop me#thankfully im relatively safe in my state and im so so glad for it but y'know. you never know#but yesterday i was busy w work and also loads of other things like Being Sick so didn't have the mental fortitude to keep up w everything#and i think its helped me like. im not gonna dwell on it. i shouldn't. yeah things Suck but id rather live my life day by day and Not/#self-destruct over it. and this is just me as well. ik everyone else is freaking out and you all have a right to. i just have to keep going#like its not me trying to be callous or y'know high and mighty for feeling better over it than others i don't wanna come off like that but.#i just feel safe here in hawaii things obvs still suck like i said and things can get worse esp for us but i feel safe here ill be ok#and i worry for my friends and everyone whose lives are impacted way more strongly than me and have a lot to worry about#like it could just be me being ignorant. or whatever. but i know everything is bad i just can't let it affect me rn#me rambling as if someones gonna read this and judge me so harshly...!!!#but its just the truth. im sad for everyone but i can keep going and so should you. i have so much to live for and if the only reason you/#have now is spite then you should do it. hey maybe someone will successfully kill the guy. instead of missing. but once these 4 years/#of hell are over we won't have him again. it might be even worse then#like in terms of presidential canididates. i know this. but its okay itll be okay#and i cant ask that ppl will adopt the same attitude as me lol i know im an outlier for sure but. its gonna be okay regardless#ill be okay despite being afab poc and Also autistic (ig i shouldn't look to getting a diagnosis yet which sucks..) but i'll Be Okay#and i hope everyone else will be too; in time.
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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Man oni can't do this to me I'm supposed to be preparing for artfight but all I can think abt is Them™ from the second I wake up to the moment I go to bed how am I supposed to prepare in these circumstances 😔
#rat rambles#oni posting#and dude the beta is probably still going to be going during that time klei how could you do this to me#like I will still be participating in artfight but I fear Ill be on oni lockdown for the first week or smth dhskdhkdh#Ill try to at least sketch some stuff out but god if I can get my hands onto any amount of lore its so jover#now thats not a guarantee this is a beta after all but god man. fuck.#also I need to know the new dupes name right now its important#mostly because I want confirmation that I got z on the cypher right lol#chances are theyll just have another a name or smth#who knows maybe theyll have a w name and be the second ever contender for being sent to the constant#although for all we know there could be plenty more w names in the cast that are just hidden in the full names like with nails#I am in such agony rn with seemingly every place ppl post abt oni being dead silent still hello is anyone there#I thought Id at least see some more speculative stuff on the gameplay side of things but Ive seen like 2 things where ppl even bring it up#tbf some of the new stuff seems pretty obvious to deduce to me like there's no way the new fox deers dont produce lumber#and we already know the bunny guys (or the big one at least) provides reed fiber at least#the plants are mostly more mysterious tho#we have the obvious one being our new bestie the oxylite plant and the lil puffball tree thats probably the new decor plant#and the crystal grapes are probably going to be a new muckroot equivalent and at least one of the new plants probably produces smth edible#as for what recourses they need we know that at least 2 of them need watered in some way#Im currently betting theyll need ethanol but thats not based on a lot#honestly if any of them use plain ol water or even any water variants Ill be surprised#I wouldn't be surprised if most of them take ethanol or some liquid gas or smth#I still am holding out on a plant that consumed liquid carbon dioxide but Im not too hopeful#one thing Im very curious on is just everything abt how the oxylite plant grows I wanna know how good itll be so bad#because I am a proud member of the desperately wants more viable oxygen production option in oni gang and I wanna see this baby flourish#but based on how seemingly abundant it is Im afraid itll just join the squad of early game oxygen options that become too much of a hassle#to sustain late game so you're usually just going to switch to exlectroliszers each time#I hope Im wrong but I wont be surprised if Im not#they already took one oxygen plant out back and shot it dead so this guy might just be a corpse on arival if we're unlucky#well hey thats why there's a beta ig gotta make sure things are balanced or whatever
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tagged by @lightyaoigami <3!! rules- shuffle your 'on repeat' playlist and list the first ten songs, then tag ten people!
Hayloft II - Mother Mother
You Stupid Bitch - Girl In Red
Char - Crystal Castles
Letter From A Thief - Chevelle
Cigarettes & Feelings - The Haunt
Permanent Reblellion - L.S. Dunes
I Hope You're Happy - Blue October
Guilt - Radical Face
The Middle - Jimmy Eats World
Interlude: I'm Not Angry Anymore - Paramore
tagging @cat-boy-girl @oberon-vortigern @mothscales @tuffcatdad @taekonaut @backalleysamurai @apheliavampire @chiefyartsreblogs @ohkaiden @l3irdl3rain & anyone that wants to join in!! <3
#sucktacular sucks#rb chain#yall i JUST found out there IS an actual playlist called on repeat on spotify?? LOL#i had to google this shit to find it my god ANYWAY WE'RE IN IT NOW >:3c - search 'on repeat' on your spotify and itll pop up#hayloft II coming up on the first play is so cringe but also i love it im sorry the beat fucks and it's birthdaymassacre-core u w u#B and naomi fuck in the hayloft and naomis dad shoots B (as he should) and then naomi kills her dad (as she should)!#anyway solid songs as of recent#kinda sad more of my 90s/2000s playlist isnt on here :( but its fair cuz i dont be playing it as much as my other one#i wanna do one of these but we pick one line from each song that speaks to us the most#try to remember that: I Hope You're Happy. I Hope You're Good. I hope you get what you wish for. and youre well understood#and whatever your progress. i know youll be fine. cuz i hope youre happy. even if youre not mine. - to every person ive ever held close#that isn't as close as we use to be/we dont talk anymore/our dynamic changed#those lyrics are so fucking me-core it hurts ; w ; <3#ANYWAY THANKS FOR TAG MEEEE <3
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making updated character bios for my motley girls A G A I N now that they all have final designs, ohhh im so excited to share them lol
#these designs are so much better than any of their other iterations#oh baby its really coming to fruition now#these bios will feature actual short personality descriptions instead of just generic catagorization tabs#so hopefully itll be easier to grasp what kind of characters they are#mean girls are getting bios this time too. just you wait#this project has gone through some intense development hell lmfao#but its finally rolling. we are finallyyyy rolling#not art#a whole plot is ready ..... its all planned.......#i literally just have to finish background concepts and then .......... then we rolling#very weird to think about. hope people like these characters even half as much as i do dsfgsfhgdsfgh
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god wants me to kill myself sooooo fucking bad lately lol nice try bitch im queer
#you dont even fuxking know#the number of. literally impossible coincidences that have taken place to make my life just so much shittier lately#i have been sooo strong ive written like two dozen text posts just bitching and bitching about the sheer fuxking insanity of it and i only#posted like one of them im doing so good being so strong#that said i want to fucking die today lol this shit is melting my brain#it just never ends#the past two weeks have just been... so bad lol#i havent been able to see my bank balance in weeks i just know im so in the fucking hole it doesnt even matter#i havent had a working phone in a month#my family just vacationed in hawaii and im living in a moldy trailer#and the physical and mental health just go and go and go#and the mold grows and groes and grows#my friend offered me a top of the line pc for free and it felt like offering a homeless guy who loves music a grand piano#like yeah lemme just keep that under the bridge downtown where i stay lol#itll be fine#its like all the nice things id love to experience are dangled just out of reach of my fuckin cell bars lol#might fuck around and get addicted to a third substance in light of hope being a fool's errand in a truly random universe#life isnt guarunteed to get better no matter how long you wait or how hard you try actually and that is a hard fucking truth for everyone#alcohol is free and can keep your mind off how much mold & dust you breathe daily & breathed in the past 2 years & thats also a hard truth#also reading this i need to clarify in case anyone else reads this shitsheet. i do not want to vacation in hawaii. colonizer shit#what i wouldnt fucking do for just a week up by priest lake tho :(
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Heh, thank the old Spider Riders blog for that haha. Not a lot of folks remember the, even up here in Canada, where we dubbed it and aired it constantly; though everyone remembers the old game, which people are trying to revive. I've been revamping my own fic on AO3 for a while now, and I think I'm the only person currently writing new content for the show both there and on FFNet lol.
some of this feels a little vague so im worried im not thinking of the same things youre actually referencing, but i still definitely agree.
its a shame not very many people made their own dedicated blogs for it here (i only know like 2 ?) but theyre definitely very helpful for general access to content (official and otherwise), especially when pretty much anything of substance about it is so obscure, so i would say i do owe a lot to at least the one that was kept up here until.. i think just right after i started getting more into it myself, coincidentally enough lol
nice to be able to hear from a fic writer too though!! and that ur still kicking, as well. i havent read a majority of the ones out there, but i’ve been trying to stay pretty on top of some more recent ones being updated, so i think ive been reading it too, good job there!
#asks#by vague i just mean like. am i thinking of the same blog? the same fic? who knows!! but im like 90% theres really only like 1 option#for each anyways so im hoping ive got it right..#always stuck in a difficult spot where SR is one of the few series im like really interested in being able to read fanfic for#but usually when i look at them i just cant get into their premises so i still dont engage with it much#theres 2 on ffn im up to date on though and then 1 thats also on ao3 which i assume is urs#and it is really good it feels pretty grounded and ive been excited to see where itll be going next#so good luck with that!! or if that Isnt yours then still good luck w/whatever your actual SR projects are#i have. um. several fanfic wips of my own for it to satiate the things id like to see people explore more#but im not a very good writer and its next to impossible to finish or even get them off the ground..#so mad respect that youve been successful there#ALSO if you have ever looked up spider riders on twitter u will find out that people definitely DO remember it#theres like 4-5 tweets on most days of ppl just repeating the catchphrase or being like ''wow this show ruled anyone remember it''#theres just no other thoughts beyond that and thats the unfortunate part that doesnt ultimately help it w recognition or community#sorry this is rambly i just do not get to talk abt like anything adjacent to it very much anymore and i still love it very very much..#so thanks for sending this in too!!!!
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literally had to quietly turn off asks on my main because in the last line 2 weeks ive gotten probably 50 asks about that whole situation asking for money. how about no.
i 1. dont have money 2. live in fucking missouri usa 3. dont have any influence nor reach online and 4. refuse to post about that topic on my main blog EVER. because i like my main staying as light hearted as possible.
i am the last person these people should be sending asks to about this.
hell, there was even one that started with 'youre our last hope!!!' no the fuck im not. you probably sent that ask to 100 people. i am no ones last hope.
also apparently im r@cist for thinking that at least a few of these are scams. because there totally couldnt be people taking advantage of this situation to be greedy and awful and scam people. it wouldnt be the first time, nor the last.
it was also just annoying. i never get people talking to me online anymore so when i get asks its usually so exciting... but now it was just dreadful. 'whos gonna try and guilt trip me today?'
seriously, most of them started guilt trippy. at least some of them started polite though.
i know its a huge tragedy and w@r and all that but i dont know why i need to have any part of it. there is nothing i can do about it, and all it would do is make me upset, especially because theres nothing i can do.
and people can tell me all they want 'but there IS something you can do!!' but like... if people are getting killed, i doubt me signing a petition is gonna make them go 'oh, i guess i was wrong to kill people, sorry' like...
and like i said, i dont have reach or influence online. plus, thousands if not millions of people are already posting about this topic CONSTANTLY and saying everything better than i could, and having more reach than i ever will. i think me not posting about it will be fine.
#this whole thing has been going on since before literally all of us were born. probably even since before my dad was born.#like maybe we can sway it around and shit but i doubt itll end anytime soon.#thats awful to say and it feels awful to say because i know its horrible but#thats just how it feels to me#plus i dont like the idea of making things about countries. its the government. its always the government#but anyone who says 'dont blame the everyday people for this' and shit are called g3noclde apologists#seriously. every single time someone calls a celebrity that and i look up what they ACTUALLY said. its ALWAYS THAT.#its not 'wow im so glad that people are dying and i love the government for it!'#its ALWAYS 'hey please dont hate the everyday people who are just trying to live their lives in that country'#its begging you to not see things as purely black and white and begging you to not harass people who have nothing to do with it#not to mention all the @ntlsemltlsm people are throwing around#dude most celebrities saying that stuff are j3wlsh too. like ive seen maybe one g0y say that and the rest were j3wlsh#idk how much i need to censor but i dont want people finding this im just ranting#hot take that could get me killed if people found it but#everyone else is worrying about one side. i think its fine if some people worry about the innocent people on the other side. someone has to.#like. even with the other w@r that started a few years ago. that one sucks too but i couldnt help but worry about my russlan friend#i hope hes still doing okay. he seemed to be last i saw him
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i think ill taking an office position at this philosophy club i joined at school. i say that knowing the workload ive already taken on is daunting and a wee bit scary
#im very excited to hang with the philosophy students like whatchall got going on...#i gotta admit. i love every physics student ive met so far. even the annoying ones have so much character and are a blast#i feel their passions and am colored by theirs souls#the math majors are soulless and boring you can tell some of them are business minors/majors too like milquetoast got nthg#going on#the engineers...not exactly the same but an inbetween#philosophy majors at the very least?? i hope itll be a mentally stimulating environment.#like being able to just have free flowing discussions could be real nice. i think i have a lot of thoughts rn#on the state of the world. on family. on the self. on love and peace and on other people being hell.#my favorite person ive met at school. even though i kinda cant stand him lol#my favorite person ive met is a physics major philosophy minor. and i mean we'd sit and talk for hooours about every lil thing#these long drawn out discussions on politics life love art. whether people do or dont have free will. (we do!) etc.#i just need a space to talk. to be mentally stimulated and feel like im mentally stimulating others yknow.#whenever i try to talk to people about whats on my mind they literally couldnt care less but tbh most of my family is made up of people#pleasers.#we were taught from a very young age not to think critically and my whole immediate family are very dimwitted and dont challenge the world.#or the status quo. they dont think about anything thats hard to think about :(#and like most of the US is like that. which is why this country is so ugly and wilted. its dying.#i just want to convince myself that there are people out there that still have a whimsy and fascination about the world#essentially...philosophy club save me. please save me philosophy club
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#the legal battle will take so long#this is going to be the hardest thing ive ever done and maybe will ever do#life has and will change forever. for the better? i hope but i dont know#is this the right thing to do? yes#does that make it easier? ....only slightly. and itll have to be enough. and i realize now that it is#but oh god does it hurt. im a victim too maybe the oldest one? oldest one alive anyway. that i know of#i cant. believe it#hindsight is 40/20 in this case but fuck#a part of me wants to tell him#to pull him aside and say#i know what you did. i know what you did and its going to come out.#and if it was only in the past i might choose to let the dead rest#but i cant let you near those kids. i can only pray to a god i dont believe in that its not already too late#but baby axel still has a chance#i know with this shit system i wont be able to take the kids from derek#but i can put you away and maybe thatll be enough#i wanna tell him that im going to the police and they WILL be coming to his mothers house#and i wanna tell him that because i loved him. So MUCH once#that im giving him the chance to kill himself and take the cowards way out before its too late#i... mean that a little too and that hurts the most#i cant kill him even though id like to choke the life out of him myself#i cant ruin my life for the man that tried to already#but it would save us all so much trouble if he did us all a favor and shot himself in the fucking skull#theres always going to be more kids and hes gotten to 4 over 2 decades at least. and those are only the ones i know for certain#hes just a pedophile. it makes so much sense now#fuck. fuck.#maybe in a few days ill be able to think about something else#can barely focus on trump getting convicted lol#id say delete later but i wont
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