#AND HUGE ANTS TOO. massive ants. everywhere.

[bestofasbestos]

I can't even go outside anymore because there's so many wasps and hornets and now a giant africanized wasp thats the size of a sparrow. which can kill you with one sting btw.

[batgirlcatgirltits]

Giant girl

You always felt so tiny next to her. A girl that was somewhere in the range of two stories tall and an average sized girl certainly made for an odd couple. You often had to fix dinner separately, and you needed help to get on the bed, and sex was rather creative given the massive size difference, but you loved each other nonetheless. You frequently sat on her lap so that you could sit close to her, rather than sitting on some ant-sized chair next to her. All of the furniture was huge. The couch, the tv, the bed, the lamp, the coffee table. You used extension cords everywhere, it was honestly a massive pain. Their were smaller amenities for you, a tiny bathroom for you, since you were almost sure you could fall down the drain in her shower (not that you wanted to test it), and you had a tv, couch, et cetera for use when she wasn't home. You even had a smaller door next to her massive two story tall door. Having built this home together, the two of you thought it would be funny if she could lift the ceiling off of the room you used when she wasn't home like a dollhouse, although sometimes she managed to scare the shit out of you by doing that.

The door closed with a bang, and that was how you knew she was home. Everything she did was loud like that. Her foot steps shook the room when she walked as if there was an earthquake happening. You knew it'd take some time until she came to get you to hang out considering she had just gotten home from her job at a construction company. There wasn't any need for some of the heavy machinery with her around and they paid her super well for it. The footsteps moved across the house, and you kept watching tv on your laptop while you waited for her to change and come get you.

As the earthquake that was your wife came closer again, you figured it was about time she lifted the roof off of your dollhouse. Luckily you had just finished that episode of your show. You felt the whole room shake a little as she pulled the ceiling off. Putting your laptop down on the coffee table, you looked up to see her crouching down over you. "There's my little pet!" She said in that booming voice of hers, as she picked you up. "God you really are so little y'know that?"

"I'm well aware that I pale in comparison to you, love," you said as she placed you on her shoulder. To make sure you didn't fall off, you made sure to grab onto her hair.

Looking around, you noticed she wasn't bringing you to the couch like usual, "Are you bringing me to the bedroom?" You asked.

"Mhm! I'm in the mood right now, and I know that you're a little whore who wants to be good for her owner." Looking down, you realized that she was super hard. It showed through her jeans. It made you blush that she wanted you that bad. After placing you down onto her bedside table, she sat down in front of you. "Give me a little show, pet."

"A show?" You asked, hoping she'd be more specific.

"Whatever you like. I wanna watch you look all embarrassed in front of me." That certainly made your cheeks flushed, and you knew you were hard already too. "Aw is my pet already embarrassed? Before she's even taken anything off? Let me guess, you're already hard for mommy?"

You shifted your eyes away, avoiding eye contact. "Oh you are. You won't even look me in the eyes." You saw her lick her lips out of the corner of your eye. "Alright, come on cutie. Entertain me."

"Play something sexy for me, then." You said, giving yourself time to prepare some kind of strip routine.

"Oh all right, but first, lemme show you somethin." Saying that, she took her jeans off, and her panties too, displaying her rock hard cock that was easily as tall as you. She was even dripping. You wanted to taste that fountain of pre so bad.

"Hehe, seems you got excited too. Now, give me a show, pet," she commanded as the music started.

[visityaratoday]

Fauna y Flora de Yara: Marine Life

People come to Yara for its breathtaking beaches, but did you know that beneath those perfect waves, the waters are teeming with life from stunning blue tangs to stinging jellyfish. In this article, we will talk about marine life and ocean safety. Our golden safety rule when it comes to the ocean is ¡Mira antes de bucear! : ‘Look before you dive,’ and you will see why.

Why are there crunchy crabs everywhere?

When you get to the beach, one of the first things you might notice is the crabs. They’re huge and they’re everywhere so they are hard to miss. The good news is, you don’t have to worry about them. They’re harmless. They feed on dead fish and dead.. well they are good beach cleaners. Just try to avoid stepping on them. It's messy. Especially barefoot.

Red crabs. Serpentino Park, Costa del Mar, Madrugada.

Things that Aren’t Trying to Kill You

Contrary to popular belief, not everything in Yara’s waters is trying to kill you. I mean, a LOT of things in Yara’s waters are trying to kill you but let’s take a look at what isn't.

Squirrelfish - They’re edible so they don't eat you, you eat them! 

We think these are Powder Blue Tangs which are not generally common in the Caribbean as opposed to Blue Tangs but hey, we are not Ictiólogos.

Flying fish! This author’s personal favourite non-deadly sea creatures in Yara.

¡Peligroso!

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There is no way around it, yes, there are sharks and barracudas in Yara’s waters and lots of them. Sometimes, they do come quite close to the coast so swimmers will need to exercise caution. You may encounter signs that prohibit swimming in certain areas. Yes, more signs. Yara is big on warning signs, but do heed those ones. They are there for a reason.

¡Sharks!

There are two main species of sharks that frequent Yara’s coastal waters: Reef sharks and Bull sharks. Pay closer attention to Reef sharks as they are more aggressive and more likely to bite humans. You can find pamphlets at some local gasolinerías with precise locations where sharks are more frequent and avoid swimming in those areas.

A massive bull shark off the coast of Barrial, El Este.

A  battle-scarred Reef shark, Sirena Bay, Aguas Lindas, Madrugada.

Barracudas

They are fast and they are nasty. Best to just stay away from them.

A mid-sized barracuda, Yara.

Lionfish

Lionfish, Aguas Lindas, Madrugada.

Now this thing won't eat you but its sting hurts like a puta and it hurts for a long time. You can generally see them swim in groups close to the surface as they feed. What did we say? 'Mira antes de bucear.' That's it. Don't jump on them and you won't bring back a raging red rash to your home country when you leave.

More Stinging Things

A staple sight in the Caribbean and Yara is no different; jellyfish abound. We have two main types and I am tired of Googling fish.

The long tentacled fuckers.

The short blobby fuckers.

Oh and they are also found in underwater caves for extra creepiness points. (I hate medusas. They hurt, just stay away from them.)

¡Mira antes de bucear!

Now that you are good and traumatized with everything lurking in the ocean, let us drive home the importance of paying attention to your surroundings.

You could be merrily swimming in the ocean, minding your own business..

When BAM! The barracuda strikes and now you are having a bad day.

Consider carrying a machete or a large hunting knife if you travel by boat further off the coast, to defend yourself should you fall in the water. Just make sure not to openly carry such items in cities where it is prohibited to do so. Don’t worry, we have signs for that too. ;)

All this being said, do not let all of this marine life deter you from enjoying Yara’s wonderful beaches and waters. With the right amount of precaution, you can enjoy the ocean safely and bring back memories not injuries.

As always, to learn more about activities, places, events, and all things Yara, come back and visit this page often. We try and post twice monthly.

Editor's Note:

Honorable mention to these little guys with a nasty bite. These are gars and were not included because they are mostly found inland in the rivers and not in the ocean. They are also delicious so eat them before they eat you! It’s you or them!

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[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

The Next Animated Blockbuster Heavies

In my 6-part series - of sorts - on animated movie blockbusters and how the Top 10 highest-earning animated movies of all-time changed rapidly over the course of 25+ years... I asked... What's next, then?

What cracks the Top 10 again?

Last year's MINIONS: THE RISE OF GRU came close with over $930m, which was down from what the first MINIONS spin-off of the DESPICABLE ME movies made in 2015, in a pre-COVID world. Families have certainly become choosier with these movies, as not all of them can - nor should - be box office smashes. I'm glad that movies like THE BAD GUYS can make about $250m worldwide and be considered a success, not something to throw away.

In fact, we're seeing similar movement on the live-action front of things now that the Marvel Cinematic Universe behemoths are starting to dry up (note the abysmal legs on films like DOCTOR STRANGE AND THE MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS, and ANT-MAN AND THE WASP: QUANTUMANIA), and there's value seen in small endeavors - many of which in the horror genre - such as BARBARIAN, SMILE, TICKET TO PARADISE, THE MENU, VIOLENT NIGHT, M3GAN, and COCAINE BEAR. Smaller series, like the CREED films, keep that train chugging. It's like we're in the '90s and early '00s again, seeing these little bread-n-butter movies being the real success stories.

Animated movies, depending on the budget, are in a similar frame. Universal has been smart with budgets: DreamWorks no longer spends more than $90m on what they make, Illumination has always kept costs below $100m, and yet their movies still look pretty darn cinematic-level. Sony Animation has done the same, along with Warner Animation Group and now Paramount. Most of the films coming out are doing fun things without a Disney or Pixar-sized budget, and it's no surprise that a lot of the profitable films are the likes of THE BAD GUYS and DC LEAGUE OF SUPER-PETS. All sub-$300m grossing movies that are still fine because they didn't cost so goddamn much...

Disney Animation and Pixar, in addition to misjudged release strategies under the stewardship of former CEO Bob Chapek, have yet to see a genuine animated success I feel. SOUL, LUCA, and TURNING RED all went straight to Disney+. SOUL made sense because no vaccine was out in late 2020, and even LUCA made sense because mid-2021 was before the Delta and Omicron variants, and many kids still weren't vaccinated. TURNING RED... Even then... TURNING RED I still feel would've made BAD GUYS numbers at best. $250m worldwide against the typical Pixar $150m+ budget would've been a massive bomb. Again, that family hesitancy and peoples' money being very tight. Ditto the Disney Animation movies. RAYA AND THE LAST DRAGON did the day-and-date thing; theaters for those who were willing to go, Disney+ $30 digital file (until it was free **three** months later). A company spat with Cinemark kept the film from playing everywhere across the country, so RAYA didn't do adequately as a theatrical title. I mean, it did fine for a film playing amidst an ongoing pandemic and the vaccines not being entirely out yet, but it was still a financial loss. ENCANTO made little more than $250m worldwide, not at all great against the budget. Huge hit on Disney+, though. Then they treated STRANGE WORLD, a movie that tested poorly (for whatever reason, be it the sci-fi story being too out of reach or the gay son) well before release, like an unwanted stepchild. Huge flop, but it managed to do okay enough on Disney+ from what I've seen.

It's telling that Chapek was booted right after that film came out, and soon thereafter, the returning Bob Iger drastically restructured the movie release strategy. The heavy pivot to streaming was viewed as a mistake. Many observers feel that future Disney animated releases, both from Pixar and WDAS, are cursed now. Disney+ is one of the most subscribed-to streaming services, movie trips cost a fortune for families and many others, and the release strategies for the last six or so animated movies conditioned families to just wait for a hassle-free movie night in the living room...

Maybe?

Universal is the opposite. They didn't pivot as heavily to streaming as Disney did, and it also helps that Peacock doesn't have as many subscribers. How many average Americans even know that there *is* Peacock? Disney and Disney+, far more recognizable as a brand I'd argue... Universal delayed movies, and sacrificed a few to streaming, but also experimented. TROLLS WORLD TOUR went straight to PVOD, but THE CROODS: A NEW AGE was given a theatrical-only rollout with a PVOD release down the line, and it paid off nicely. It also helped that the movie cost $65m to make! Delaying MINIONS Deux twice, SING 2 opened amidst Omicron and became the first pandemic-era animated movie to pass $100m at the domestic box office, beating RAYA, CROODS Two, ADDAMS FAMILY 2, ENCANTO, and hybrid TOM & JERRY. MINIONS Deux finally came out and made nearly a billion, despite the previous film being 7 years old at that point. Maybe the first DESPICABLE ME being a 12-year-old movie helped? Nostalgia, maybe? The suit memes? Whatever happened, something *worked*. Then there's PUSS IN BOOTS: THE LAST WISH, which has almost relied entirely on its ludicrously strong word-of-mouth and record-breaking multiplier...

So that leads me to ask...

What are the next titan-sized animated movie blockbusters?

Currently, the top 10 looks like this.

1) THE LION KING (2019) - $1,657m

2) FROZEN II - $1,450m

3) FROZEN - $1,280m

4) INCREDIBLES 2 - $1,243m

5) MINIONS - $1,159m

6) TOY STORY 4 - $1,073m

7) TOY STORY 3 - $1,067m

8) DESPICABLE ME 3 - $1,034m

9) FINDING DORY - $1,028m

10) ZOOTOPIA - $1,023m

It's no surprise that... A LION KING prequel, FROZEN III, DESPICABLE ME 4, TOY STORY 5, and ZOOTOPIA 2 are on the horizon. Money talks, ya know. You'll likely see a third INCREDIBLES at some point, too, and a third FINDING Somebody movie as well. As such, I think all of those are definitely contenders for the Top 10.

So far... We have quite a few animated movies on the horizon... Here are the ones that I think have a shot...

THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE (Universal - 4/5/2023) - It seems obvious at this point. Mario is *the* video game, one of the most iconic, the video game industry is largely where it is today because of his success, cross-generational appeal going all the way back to people who first played DONKEY KONG in arcades in 1981... If SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 2 could take in $405m worldwide, this all-animated picture should easily make double that. Domestic projections alone are through the roof, the marketing has been great, the hype is all over... I think it could challenge the billion and maybe even make it into the Top 10. (6/11/2023 NOTE: Grossed $1.3b... Put up a good fight!)

SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE (Sony - 6/2/2023) - The first film, SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE, opened in December of 2018 with an okay $35m... And then it had fantastic legs, climbed like a webhead to a stellar $190m domestic gross and very solid $384m worldwide take. Nowhere near the takes of the live-action Spideys, but the animated Spider-Man movie won hearts over and lasts beyond its theatrical release. The hype for this sequel is totally there, and it promises to be huge in scope. More universes, several Spiders, higher stakes... I see this performing similarly to... TERMINATOR 2, AUSTIN POWERS IN "THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME", SHREK 2, DESPICABLE ME 2, and INCREDIBLES 2. Films whose predecessors were either sleeper hits or quite successful films, but built massive followings after their release, whom all turned out in droves to their sequels. I think ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE is going to be just that. As for the billion, that may seem steep for an animated Marvel movie and one that isn't in an established cinematic universe (the three MCU Spider-Man movies are the only movies featuring Spider-Man to ever crack $1b), but maybe INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE's staying power could make this one a surprise. (11/20/2023 NOTE: Grossed $690 million...)

WISH (Disney - 11/22/2023) - A real wild card, given that it's a Disney release, but both this and the summer Pixar flick ELEMENTAL are going to indicate going forward how Disney will market and release their animated movies post-Chapek. I'd imagine WISH, being the centennial celebration feature for the company, and an old-fashioned princess musical picture that's all about wishing stars (of course, the very PINOCCHIO song that became Disney's whole damn anthem) presented in a hand-drawn-esque look. This could all work in its favor, and it could perform similarly to FROZEN (helps that its director Chris Buck is back at the helm for this film), maybe not but still have those usual Disney Thanksgiving legs. Again, the whole "audiences now wait for Disney+" thing is an uphill battle, and it all depends on how Disney releases and markets the thing... But if they play their cards right, it could potentially be very, very big. A 100th anniversary picture doing okay-ish would look kinda embarrassing.

KUNG FU PANDA 4 (Universal - 3/8/2024) - The biggest KUNG FU PANDA movie was the second one, making a little bit more than what the first one pulled in... Without the aid of 3D and higher ticket prices. Both grossed in the $630-670m range, so in sense, KUNG FU PANDA 2 stayed flat and didn't increase, SHREK 2-style. KUNG FU PANDA 3 was the lowest-grossing of the three... Maybe an eight-year wait will make this one significantly bigger? Maybe if it's a reinvention of the franchise like PUSS IN BOOTS: THE LAST WISH to the SHREK series, it could surprise? One of the least likely to me, but I included it anyways, because anything's possible.

SPIDER-MAN: BEYOND THE SPIDER-VERSE (Sony - 3/29/2024) - This one's performance hinges entirely on how ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE does, and what kind of a cliffhanger that one ends on. Keep in mind, this was original supposed to be a two-part film with "Part One" being in the ACROSS title for a while. Even appears that on the film's first trailer and on some merchandise. (11/20/2023 NOTE: Delayed indefinitely, but still...)

INSIDE OUT 2 (Disney - 6/14/2024) - The original made $850m+ worldwide, astounding for an original feature not based on any pre-existing IP. Usually Pixar sequels make more than their predecessors, or match the attendance of the original, making for a higher gross (such as FINDING DORY, or TOY STORY 4's gross in comparison to TOY STORY 3's)... Either way, a billion is very much in sight for this one.

DESPICABLE ME 4 (Universal - 7/3/2024) - The second MINIONS movie came close to a billion, DESPICABLE ME 3 crossed the big billion, the only DESPICABLE ME movie to miss $900m worldwide was the first one. I think the momentum is still there for this franchise, even if this one is Gru and the girls, and not those yellow tictacs.

MUFASA: THE LION KING (Disney - 7/5/2024) - This one is probably the least likely, but I included it anyways since the film this is a prequel to is the highest-grossing animated film of all time... However, this one's tricky because... THE LION KING was a remake of a beloved film that was also a record-breaking smash, and 2019 LION KING only did as well as it did because of the 1994 classically animated original directed by Roger Allers and Rob Minkoff. If this movie was made in a universe where that LION KING did not exist? Oh, Jon Favreau's film wouldn't have been anywhere near as big... Anyways, THE LION KING got a direct-to-video sequel in 1998 made by other animation divisions of the company, *not* Walt Disney Feature Animation. SIMBA'S PRIDE is not being remade, so there's no gauge there. Even if it was, it still wouldn't have the same drawing power. This is a prequel story, technically it's all-new here... And honestly? I see this one playing out similarly to ALICE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS and MALEFICENT: MISTRESS OF EVIL. Their predecessors did well, off of the iconic originals and familiarity... but the sequels did not command the same attention. ALICE 2 outright flopped, MISTRESS OF EVIL managed to eke out an okay gross... I suspect this will be the same for MUFASA: THE LION KING. Outside of some very curious people and those who happened to like the 2019 movie, who really gives a dang? I expect great foreign numbers for this all-CG animal picture, but domestic I feel is where it sinks. (11/20/2023 NOTE: Delayed to December 20, 2024.)

SHREK 5 (Universal - 2025/26?) - Back in 2004, SHREK 2 made $919m at the worldwide box office... Without the aid of 3D, IMAX, the high ticket prices of today (and in the past decade for that matter), and a much larger international market... That's where the franchise peaked, because the domestic grosses slipped... While the foreign grosses gradually rose. SHREK FOREVER AFTER took in the biggest overseas total for the franchise back in 2010, and PUSS IN BOOTS did excellently in non-North American territories a year later... 11 years went by, PUSS IN BOOTS: THE LAST WISH legged it up something fierce here, and is doing great worldwide... SHREK also became a meme fountain this past decade, and that post-quadrilogy love remains a thing. There will definitely be a nostalgia rush for this one from people my age who saw the first SHREK in theaters, and several who grew up on the SHREK movies on home video. This will be massive, especially after the wildly cool reinvention of the franchise that we saw in THE LAST WISH... DreamWorks' first billion dollar movie, comin' up.

ZOOTOPIA 2 (Disney - 202?) - First one made a billion. Much like how INSIDE OUT made $850m+ worldwide, that's fantastic for an animated movie not based on any pre-existing IP.

TOY STORY 5 (Disney - 202?) - Given that the last two films grossed a billion, and despite the pleas of internet weirdos who insist that Pixar need not make this film (or have made TOY STORY 4 for that matter), your average joe is there for another round of the talking playthings. It only didn't work out for LIGHTYEAR, because Buzz wasn't a toy in that and that was a different iteration of the character. TOY STORY 5 is mainline, that's enough to get people coming. That is, if Woody and Buzz are back, or at least one of them.

FROZEN III (Disney - 202?) - FROZEN made a billion, FROZEN II made a billion, I think it's locked to do it. No matter how long the wait.

... and who knows, maybe a surprise or two along the way...

[tyranttortoise]

Dude, what happened to you and your scooter?? Was it a car crash? How are you now? And you said you are not doing well mentally right now, is that a depression? Just.... talk to us. It's not all about UT after all, we're worried about YOU too, you know? If you feel like sharing with us, please do. If you don't feel like opening up - then sure, that's your decision, it's public internet after all. Just know that in whatever case people care for you (even anonymous lurkers like me). XXX

This ask really warmed my heart.   (.... And I put a heart here, and it ate everything else I wrote in this paragraph, so lemme try again. )  It really means a lot to me that you’d reach out like this, anon. xx  Seriously, thank you for asking about me.  I’m happy to share the grisly details of that scooter wreck with you guys!

You guys ready for story time?

This ended up being stupid long, so I’m sticking it all under a cut.

Also, trigger warnings for blood and a picture of a cut at the end.

Okay, so the scooter was one of those Lyft scooters you guys may’ve seen around.  It’s basically a taller razor scooter with a motor on it – the kind you stand on, not sit.  It’s got a QR code that you scan with the app that activates the scooter, you pay by the minute, and you leave it anywhere on a sidewalk as long as you take a picture to deactivate it.  

I’d never seen one before.  This was in Atlanta, which is a rather big city, and I saw people riding these scooters everywhere.  I even passed a couple that looked almost as old as my parents riding them together with shopping bags on the handles, so I thought, This is perfectly safe. 

I was out killing time before a concert (Taking Back Sunday/Red City Radio) by hunting pokemon in pokemon go with Ant, and we saw the parked scooters on the way back to our hotel.  We only had a few blocks to go, so we started checking them out, downloaded the app, and gave them a  try.  

We started off riding them uphill, which is where I went wrong.  I didn’t think they had any power; everyone I’d seen had been barely going, after all.  So, I turned the accelerator all the way and even had to kick off with my foot like a regular scooter to get it to make it to the top of the hill.  

The moment the sidewalk leveled out, however, the scooters shot off.  Holy shit, they started to fly!  Ant was way ahead of me, and I started calling out about how it was going way too fast, and I squeezed the brake in a panic.  The scooter instantly started to wobble, and I put my foot off to catch my balance, but… the scooter was still going, so as soon as my foot touched the sidewalk, I was propelled off my feet and forward toward the sidewalk in prime face-plant position.  

I was still holding onto the scooter with both hands, and it happened so quickly that I didn’t have time to let go; I didn’t break my fall, but I did turn my body slightly.  (Later, I’d text my boss that I “hit the streets of Atlanta last night… with my face!”  He wasn’t amused.)  I hit the ground and the scooter kept flying down the sidewalk sideways.  Apparently, my side hit first and my ribs took the entire impact from how fast I was going.  My knees hit, too, because all of the skin was pretty much gone from them (and I still have huge bruises on both of them right now), my elbow was bloody, and I guess the bottom of my palm got scraped across the sidewalk because it was cut open.  

I remember pushing myself up and thinking that my head was throbbing.  The first thing I noticed was that my glasses were broken; I could see them lying in front of me, smashed to bits and missing their lenses.  “My glasses are broken, damn,” I remember announcing.  “And I think I hit my head.”  

My forehead was warm, and my vision was clouding in my left eye.  “Oh.  I’m bleeding.  I cut my forehead open,” I narrated while Ant grabbed my shoulders tried to inspect the damage.  However, he was too busy panicking to really look, and started crying and apologizing over and over, while I was the calm one.

My glasses had cut my forehead and eyebrow when they broke.  

Blood was pouring from my head.  I kept having to blink the blood out of my eye and hold my head forward to clear my vision.  I put my hands over it, but it kept filling up my palms and spilling down my forearms.  “Fuck, this is a lot of blood, but it is a head wound.  It’s gonna bleed.  Let’s move.”  

So, we move toward the buildings, off to the side of the sidewalk, leaving our scooters there.  Ant is still freaking out, but he has the peace of mind to deactivate the scooters (though forgets to take a picture of them, so we both end up with $40 bills later that Lyft thankfully refunded really quickly.  By the time I realized he didn’t finish deactivating them, I went to the take a picture of the scooter screen and just took a selfie of me all bloody in the ER.  We got the money back within half an hour.).  

“I need to go to the hospital because this is going to need stitches.”  I can’t even see the cut, but if it’s bleeding this much, I know it’s gotta be something I need sewn up.  “Do we call an ambulance?”

“Maybe you won’t need stitches.  Head wounds bleed, so it might not be that bad.  It’s just… too bloody for me to see the cut.  Let’s walk back to our hotel, and you can clean up there?”

I snort, gesturing to my arms.  At this point, both of my arms are purple with blood.  I literally look like I stepped out of a horror movie and got stabbed or something.  It looks like I just dipped both arms into a barrel of blood to the elbow and then yanked them out.  I’m wearing all black, so you can’t tell that it’s on my clothes as much, but the gray logo on the front of my shirt is dark red.  “I’m not walking down the streets like this, much less our hotel.  I’d scare people.”

“If we need to go to the hospital, I’ll just drive you there.”

I only said ambulance initially because I wasn’t sure how to walk to a hospital covered in blood, and there’s also no way I’m going to walk through our hotel like this and wait in the underground garage for the valet to get his car.

“No way.  We could Uber, but I can’t go in there like this.  I need to get cleaned up.”

There’s an Aloft hotel directly across the street, and we both glance over there.  “You could use the bathroom in that hotel,” he suggests, and I scoff.  

“There’s a lot of people around there… They’d start screaming or call 911 if I walked in.  Why don’t you just go grab me some wet and dry paper towels?”

“You’re gonna stay out here by yourself?”

“I’ll hide.  Just hurry.”

So, yeah, I’m still actively bleeding all over the place when he runs across the street, but I hide behind a pillar, crouch down so maybe people won’t notice me, and pull out a compact mirror/brush combination (the one that Viv gave me in Alaska, actually!)  This is the first time I get a look at myself, and shit, my face is covered in blood, and it’s pretty much turned my blonde hair pink.  I decide to try to brush the blood out, which just spreads it around and ends up yanking giant pink tangles out.  I try to get a look at the cut, but I can’t see it well past the blood, and every time I let go of it, it just pours out in a rush.  So, I start holding my sleeve against it, but that doesn’t help.

Ant comes running back with his pockets stuffed with paper towels just as a random woman peers around my pillar.  

“Are you okay?!” she shouts, horrified.  

Shit.  

I haven’t cleaned myself off, and I let go of my forehead to turn and wave a dismissive hand with the biggest, most manic grin I’ve probably ever had plastered on my face.  “I’m fine!  I just had a little fall, that’s all!”

She recoils a little, looking even more concerned.  “Do you need me to call 911?”

“Oh, no, no, no need for that!  I’m going to clean off and then Uber to the hospital, but thank you!”

She looks dubious.  “Okay.  I just didn’t want to walk away when I saw you.”

“Thank you for your concern, but I’m all right!”

So when she leaves, I proceed to start scrubbing the blood off my arms first, and then the side of my face.  There’s no helping my hair; my bangs are sticking straight up, matted into a ball.  Ant helps, and then I ball the rest of the dry paper towels up and hold it to my head.  I’ve still got some blood here and there on me, but it’s enough that walking down the streets of Atlanta won’t be too bad.  

We walk to the end of the block and get an Uber.  It shows up fairly quickly, and I slip into the backseat without trying to draw attention to myself.  But after about a block, the driver asks if we’re visiting someone at the hospital; obviously, he hasn’t looked at me yet.  

“Nah, we had an accident,” Ant nervously answers, and I meet the driver’s gaze through the rear-view mirror. 

“Are you… Are you bleeding?!”

“Yeah, but don’t worry.  I cleaned up; it won’t be on your backseat.”

At least he has leather seats, but honestly, I don’t think there’s any blood on the back of my pants, and I’m sitting forward so I’m not touching anything else.  I’m trying to be considerate but damn, I need this Uber.  

The driver is worried about just that, and he keeps glancing back at me.  He’s driving faster now, eager to get me out of his car.  He runs a red light, and I grip the side handle, muttering curses under my breath.

The hospital wasn’t far, but he still stops a full block from it and tells us to get out, and “Good luck!” before he speeds off.  It takes a bit of walking to figure out which part of the massive hospital leads into the ER, and it’s with all of this walking that I realize I’m hurting, and it’s not just my head.  My ribs feel like fire.  Gingerly I press on them and wince.  Shit.  They’re either bruised or broken. 

I’ll worry about that later; right now, I want my head sewn up so I can leave.  

As soon as we entered the ER, there was a security guard sitting by the metal detector.  I handed him my purse, but when he noticed there was blood all over it, he just asked me to open it so he can shine his flashlight inside.  “What happened, sweetheart?  Did you have a fall?” he asked, the picture of concern.

“I fell off one of those scooters,” I replied, and his face automatically changed.

“When will you learn?” he said sternly.  “I hope this taught you something.”

… The… fuck?

“I’ve never seen one of those before,” I countered. “I didn’t know.”

He scoffs and waves me through, shaking his head and muttering about the damn scooters.  I’m pissed off now, and Ant has to lead me to the counter.  Since I don’t have my glasses, everything just looks like blobs until I get close, and the signs might as well not even have writing on them.  It’s disorienting, and I hate it.

At the front desk, as soon as I say I fell off a scooter, the women react the same way.  “You should’ve known better,” one of them chides, and I keep repeating that I had no idea it went that fast.  I feel like a child.  

“You could’ve been hurt,” the other one insists, and I dumbly stare.  Why do they think I’m here?

Ant fills out the basic patient information sheet for me and hands it back, while I go into the bathroom to clean up.  The door doesn’t lock, so I have to get him to stand outside of it.  I try to wash the blood out of my hair, but I’m only mildly successful.  I do get to wash the rest of the blood from my arms and face, though, so that’s something.  I roll my pants up to assess my knees, and they’re skint up and bloody, but I know from the way I can move them that there’s nothing wrong with them.  The cut on my palm burns like hell, but it’s okay, and my elbow is just skint up, too. 

After half an hour, a nurse comes and wordlessly tapes some gauze to my forehead without really looking at the cut.  Then, I’m called back to the triage area where they take my vitals and ask what happened and what’s hurt.  I’m sat’ing 100, so I know that my ribs didn’t puncture a lung or anything, so I decide they’re fine.  

About an hour after that, I get called back, and it’s then that I realize I haven’t signed a consent for treatment.  I ask the nurse about it, he tells me that I don’t need one signed beforehand for where I’m going.  

We end up in the trauma section, and I’m surprised.  “I’m a trauma?”  He nods.  “What, a level three?”  Another absent nod as he tries to figure out where to put me.  A level three means there’s nothing possibly life-threatening about my injuries, but that I’ve sustained an injury that needs to be seen before a standard patient, basically.  

It’s then that I realize just how busy this ER is.  There were over 60 normal rooms we passed, and this trauma bay alone has 20 rooms, with four rooms for dire cases.  To put it in perspective, I work in an enormous hospital, and our trauma bay only has four rooms.  

All 20 rooms must be full because there’s a man with an obviously broken leg on a stretcher just out in the hallway.  I get lead around the corner, and then the nurse pulls a chair out and has me sit in the hall.  

Over the course of the next two hours, several different people come to see me, and I can’t tell which of them is my nurse or doctor.  Mostly, they just peel the gauze away from my face to look at the cut, and when I first asked if it was going to need stitches, I just got laughter as a response.  

A nurse was making rounds with a student and stopped in front of me at one point.  “This one didn’t have the sense to not get on a scooter,” she told the student, and I shouted back that they don’t have them where I’m from.

“You could’ve been hurt,” the student said, and I’m begin to wonder what their definition of hurt is if I’m sitting in a trauma bay.  

“Mmhmm.  Bet you won’t do that again,” the nurse chuckles, and then leads her away.  

“What the fuck is wrong with this place?” Ant asks, standing beside me; they didn’t offer him a chair, so he’s been awkwardly shifting his weight from foot to foot this entire time.  

A doctor comes to examine me in the hall, pressing on my neck and squeezing my arms.  I have to roll my skinny jeans up to show him my knees, but he claims if I’ve been walking, they must be fine.  He asks if I have any other injuries, and I think about the fact that my ribs hurt whenever I breathe – but I’m tired of this place, pissed off, and I wanna go home.  So, I tell him no.  Someone comes up and offers me a tetanus shot, but I turn that down, too.  

Another hour later, a resident comes to tell me that he’s going to sew up my eyebrow if he can get a room.  I don’t need a head CT, but he’s worried I may have ripped the membrane covering my skull, so he said he’s going to feel it before he sews it up, but “Don’t worry, we’ll numb you up so you won’t feel a thing.”

When he finally gets a room, he’s antsy, trying to move quick.  We’re in one of the large, critical care bays, one of the rooms where they bring the most serious cases.  He’s wearing a walkie-talkie that’s giving trauma reports, which is weird to me because I wear a pager for mine at work.  

“I’ve gotta irrigate that wound, but I don’t know how to do it without pouring water all over you.”

“Honestly, if you could get some more of it in my hair, you’d be doing me a favor.”

“I don’t think that’s coming out that easily.”

He put chucks around my neck and has me lean back while he pours sterile water directly into the cut.  This was honestly the worst part; I have a pretty solid tolerance for pain, but I found myself squeezing Ant’s arm and trying not to cry.  

The resident’s walkie-talkie goes off, reporting a two-car collision, and both of the drivers are coming as level one traumas – which means they’re life-threatening.  I’m definitely getting kicked out of this room, and he knows it, too.  

“Shit.  Okay.  Okay, it’s still got a bit before it’ll be here.  I can probably still sew you up, so let’s try.  But first, we have to check that membrane I mentioned, and ah… I need an attending to double-check me.”    

He steps out to grab another doctor, and this one takes one look at me and grins.  “You’re going to have one hell of a black eye, girlie.”

“Black eye?”  I’m starting to panic.  “I can’t have a black eye at work.  Are you sure?”

He scoffs.  “Absolutely.  It’s going to look gnarly.  But hey, let’s see if you have a tear.”   He holds up the blunt end of a Q-tip, and I recoil a little.  I know he’s about to jam that directly into my cut.

“Wasn’t I told I’d be numbed up first?”

“No time with 2 level one’s coming.  You knew the risk when you got on the scooter.”

“Why does everyone keep sayin–ahhhh!”

He sticks the blunt end directly into the cut, and then drags it across my freaking skull, up under the skin.  It doesn’t hurt as much as the irrigation did, but I still suck in a hiss of air and wince.  

“All right, so it didn’t snag, and that means you’re probably good.”  He starts explaining it to the resident, while I just mouth fucking hell to Ant.  

To make a long story short because this is starting to get out of hand, I get sewn up partway, the trauma comes, so we have to go back into the hall, and the resident breaks sterile procedure without changing gloves, so I ask for that tetanus shot after all.  He finishes up my stitches in the hall, although keeps saying that he wants to see the trauma, while I keep insisting he needs to finish what he started.  The attending is supposed to review his work, but an hour and a half pass without a sign of the doctor, so the resident comes back to tell me it’s probably fine and slaps some gauze over the stitches.  I’m also told it’ll scar, but not to worry because “eyebrow scars are badass.”

“There’s always an eyebrow scar in any character creation mode, so now you can pick that,” Ant helpfully supplies.  

Fast forward a bit.  I didn’t get any pain killers, but I had some left from where I got a wisdom tooth out the month before.  To put it in perspective, when I got that tooth out, I only took a half of one (it wasn’t anything hard because it was one tooth, so don’t worry; it was basically powerful tylenol that makes you drowsy).  But the day after the wreck, I took three.  My ribs were killing me, breathing hurt, my head was pounding, and bending my legs was agony.  Everything hurt, so I called into work for the first time in eight years and just laid on the couch.  

I could only get one day off, so I went in after, and desperately tried to cover up my black eye with makeup.  I’ll have to post some pictures below or something because I think I actually did a good job.  A few days later, I decided to x-ray my ribs because they were getting worse.  I thought that at the most, I’d squint at them and wonder if they might be broken, but when the image popped up, my coworkers and I gasped.  It was obvious breaks, and both of my floated ribs had the ends broken off completely, just hanging out below them.  

You can’t do much for broken ribs.  You can get them wrapped if they’re bad enough, and in some extreme cases, some hardware can get put on them, but that’s pretty rare.  It’s just something that heals on its own if you take it easy.  I knew that, but I still went to my primary doctor a couple of weeks later because they were only getting worse, and I wanted to see if I could get some time approved off work.  Plus, I was kinda scared the broken pieces wouldn’t reattach.

Long story short, I got patronized a bit.  She repeated the xrays of my ribs after I showed her they were broken, and also ordered an xray of my orbit (which the xray tech didn’t know how to do because that’s not something you typically get at a doctor’s office, so she had me xray myself).  When I asked the doctor why she wanted to xray my face – “There’s nothing you can do about a fracture there, right?  It just heals on it’s own?” – she replied with, “Yeah, but so do rib fractures, and yet you’re still here, aren’t you?”

Even the xray tech told me, “You know you can’t do anything for broken ribs.” when I was looking over my images.  “You just have to take it easy.”

“I can’t,” I blurted, exasperated.  My work is mostly physical; I lift patients and push machines around all day, and it hurt like hell.  

The doctor asked me if I looked at the xrays, and if I thought I saw a fracture.  “You tell me?” I asked, and she shrugged.

“Oh, I can’t read xrays.  You see more of them than me, so I figured you’d be able to tell.  But I mean, it looks like your sixth rib is really broken bad.”

“Sixth?”  The middle one?  It’d been hurting like hell, and I had a suspicion that it was broken.  “You could see it, too?”

“Oh yeah, that piece was way off.”

“Piece?  You mean the very bottom one?”  She nods.  “The… 12th rib?”

“Yeah, 6th, 12th, however many ribs you got in there.”

She was supposed to get the xrays read by a radiologist, but she never got back to me, so I just got one at work to check it out.  Which is probably what I should’ve done in the first place.  She couldn’t get me time off work, and she suggested I take ibuprofen for the pain, even though the last time I saw her, she told me not to take that anymore because I have a stomach ulcer.  When I reminded her of that, she shrugged and said, “What would you rather have?  Nausea or pain?”

…. I don’t think I’ll be seeing her again.

ANYWAY, I ended up tanking all of my vacation days to scrounge almost two weeks off work after a particularly busy day there made it get so bad that I physically couldn’t get out of bed, and that got me healed up for the most part.  And by then, some friends flew in to stay with me for a while, so they just let me be lazy and heal, and it really helped.  I had a black eye for a month straight, but it finally went away, and now the only lasting damage I have is a scar above my eyebrow, and still a good deal of pain in it.  Like just brushing my fingertips over it still hurts, so I think it’s still a bit broken; it’s bigger than my other eyebrow, and it’s kinda got a knot if you feel over it.  But all the other bones are healed now, so that’s pretty good.  

I guess the people in the ER were right, though.  I did learn my lesson, and I’m staying the hell away from scooters now.  

For those of you outside of the US wondering about our healthcare system, this entire ordeal cost me about $600.  

$200 for the new glasses because insurance wouldn’t cover a new pair until Feb, and I needed them right then.  

$300 for the ER visit

& another $100 for the doctors group that saw me in the ER.  I have the best insurance I can possibly get in my state, too, so this was just as cheap as it gets.  It sucked, but lesson learned!  

Here’s some pictures just to add to the story: 

This was me right after I got the cut irrigated.  You can still see some of the pink in my hair.

   Here’s the next day, before the black eye had really set in.  The cut’s been sewn up:

 Here’s literally the day after that – and pretty much every day for two weeks, before it started to fade.  

And here’s how I covered it up with makeup to go to work.  I got good at it!

The glasses helped to hide the swelling, really.          

Annnnd that’s the scooter tale. 8D

[bartsfrogprince]

@writing-prompt-s

The king has asked you to take care of two dragons nearby. But it turns out they are retired, and just want to live a simple stress-free life.

---

Posting on request for @learningtoacceptchange and @quonit. Barely proofread. Sorries. 

But … I mean, like, why??? I really have no idea why King Roderick thought these two dragons in particular needed to be taken care of rather than just killed like the others. He could just dispatch an experienced knight to get rid of them and we could all get on with life. I suppose it’s not as though he needs my approval, or permission, or y’know - comprehension of the task I’ve been given. But, whatever, fine. Fine. I can take care of dragons. They’re just massive, marauding, murdering beasts. It’ll be fine.

Can’t be all that different than the castle dogs right? That’s what I usually did - tended to the dogs. I mean, not the hunting dogs. They needed training and keeping up with all that was just beyond me. The unclaimed mutts, ratters, and other various strays needed to be kept out the way though and I was good enough at that. Usually. I mean, what happened this morning wasn’t my fault. How was I to know the gerbils belonged to the princess daughter of a visiting queen? Okay, looking back, they were very nicely kept, clean rodents. But they were still rodents and letting the small dogs who were interested in that sort of thing into the room seemed like... well, precisely what I was supposed to do? I think?

Really, there’s no way I could’ve known she’d be bitten trying to save the little wastes of space. Who wants extra rodents around!? I mean, aren’t there enough rats and mice and voles and all the others without, like, intentionally introducing more of the things? But, princess plus dog bite plus me being blamed wasn’t something I wanted to happen. And apparently the king had taken that into account as, instead of being tossed into the dungeon, I’d been given a task away from the castle to give everyone some breathing space. Good thing he was having an understanding sort of day.

I’d never killed or even fought a dragon before. They’d show up every few years and one warrior or another would be sent to kill them. They usually came back a bit crispier around the edges than they’d left, but they did come back. That’s the important part. Can’t forget that this was a thing that could be done and, obviously, if the king sent me then he’s confident I can do it. Right?

They’d fitted me with armor before I left. It was a bit old and beginning to show rust spots, but it was still nice of them to supply me after I let them know I didn’t have any of my own. Hopefully it’d keep me from getting too crisped. The sword and shield were in a similar condition and didn’t seem the best tools for taking care of dragons. But beggars and choosers and all that, you know. I figured I’d have a look and then supply myself as necessary from there.

Which is how I currently found myself approaching the enormous cavern that led to an even more enormous maze of dry caves that everyone in the kingdom was constantly attempting to prevent their children from exploring. I’d been lost in them for three days as a child. Found my own way out and everything. Would’ve been nice if someone had noticed I was gone and come for me, but they hadn’t and it had all turned out fine so. Yeah. Dragons. Focus.

How does one introduce oneself to a dragon without being eaten? Um, well, the scariest person I’ve ever introduced myself to was the captain of the castle guard. That hadn’t been exactly intentional, though, and I didn’t think the dragons would appreciate me falling on top of them any more than the captain had. So probably not a great idea to go in there with? I’ll save it for a backup plan if I can’t think of something better.

I don’t have to actually come up with anything, as it turns out. I’d been told before leaving that the dragons were inside this cavern. Inside. So when a shadow passes over me, a huge gust of wind nearly blows me off my feet, and one of the dragons lands in the field outside the caves … I admit it takes me entirely by surprise. Don’t know why I’d expected them to stay inside. Considering too many other things to get to that one, I suppose.

I remember thinking the word massive to describe the dragons earlier and well, it certainly is that, but the rest of it … I don’t expect this beast to be doing much murdering or marauding in any form. He’s a sort of dark grey that gives the impression it was once a deep, lustrous black. His teeth and talons, while huge, are yellowed and cracked or missing entirely in the case of at least two fangs. His eyes burn red still but are obscured, as though they’re filled with smoke as well as flame. The wisps of white hair seem to be everywhere but on top of his head. Sprouting from his ears, trailing from the ends of his eyebrows, tufts at his shoulders and elbows … wait, do dragons usually have hair at all?

Anyway, the astoundingly ancient creature looks at me with an overpowering sense of fatigue. “Here already, warrior?” he sighs.

Warrior? What? Oh, sword and armor. Not how I want to start off. I quickly drop the sword and shield and hold my hands up to show that they are empty. “I’m,” I try to explain. But I’m staring at a dragon. I’m staring at a dragon that thinks I mean it harm and my throat is closed off. I make another attempt to speak and realize it’s not going to happen. I hold up one finger, indicating I need a moment … dragons understand all that sort of thing, I’m sure. I drop my pack, detach the waterskin, and have a good drink. That fixes me right up.

When I put the water back and look toward the dragon, he’s giving me a curious look. I don’t know why he’s looking that way over me drinking a bit of water, but as there doesn’t seem to be hostility of any sort I decide to continue introducing myself. “I’m not really a warrior.” I manage to get out the entire sentence.

“You don’t say? Care to tell me what you are then?” The dragon sounds … amused? Almost? 

“I’ve been sent by the king to take care of you! Well, both of you. I was told there were two dragons? I haven’t seen another dragon … I mean, ever. You’re the first dragon I’ve ever seen! But, yes, I’m here to take care of you. So, um, what do you need? I mean, as I’ve never met a dragon I’ve obviously never helped to care for one. So I really have no idea … how … to …” I trail off as the dragon’s eyebrows rise further and further and stop speaking entirely as an expression that is obviously a smile cracks across his scaled face. His laugh is so low I feel it more as a vibration in my chest than hear it.

“My mate is inside sleeping. The journey here was tiring for her. This was the order your king gave? To care for the dragons? What an odd change of pace. It is certainly not the reception we’re accustomed to from humans.” 

I decide not to mention that I don’t understand either. “That’s it. So, um. What can I do for you, Sir Dragon?”

The weird, chest-rumbling laugh again. “Sir Dragon? I suppose that will suffice as you would be incapable of actually pronouncing my name. And I should call you what? Carer?”

“I suppose that will suffice,” I reply, proud of myself for sounding as dignified as Sir Dragon. Doesn’t matter what my real name is, if the dragon wants to call me Carer he can. I mean, not that I’m scared to correct him or anything at this point, but just … a dragon wants to give me a new name? That’s cool, right? But, unfortunately, I still have no idea what to do next. How to take care of a dragon. So I just. Look. At him. Uh….

The dragon sighs and his smile becomes a smaller, friendlier thing. He settles his tattered wings across his scarred back and turns to enter the cavern. “Come, Carer. Inside. We’ll have a cuppa and discuss this arrangement.” I follow, hoping he doesn’t expect me to explain the why of it all to him. Because I can’t. I mean, I really hope they just ask me to sweep or fetch and carry and things of that sort.

That’s what I find myself doing by the end of the afternoon. Lady Dragon was sweet as can be following her nap. After it was explained to her that I hadn’t been brought along as a snack, at least. Her wings had dragged alongside her as she emerged from the deeper caves. They’d explained she suffered from pain in the joints where they attached to her back, especially after exertion like flying all the way to the kingdom. That got my attention. 

I launched into telling them all about the witch in the woods nearby. I started by telling them all about her cottage. It’s a seriously crazy place. I mean, it used to be made of candy. Like, actual you could walk up and take a bite candy. Not that anyone dared to. Witch in a house of candy? Even I know better. But, seriously, it was an awful mess every time it rained. And the ants. God, the ants … So, it was just wood and stone now. But it used to be candy. Also, she makes an arthritis remedy that the king’s mother swears by and that’s what I actually wanted to tell the dragons about. The candy cottage just had to be described in detail first, since they’d never get the chance to see it themselves because it’s not candy anymore.

So, I’d gone to get enough salve for a dragon. The witch demanded the tip of my pinkie finger and the promise of a future unnamed favor as payment. I told her that was ridiculous and managed to talk her down to just the favor. So, as the sun sets, I’m rolling an entire barrel of arthritis salve across the meadow towards the cave and thinking of just how pleased King Roderick will be with me for taking such excellent care of the dragons.

[catboygretzky]

pining and pasta // spelmer drabble

Prompt:  "Can we cuddle?" with a side of oblivious mutually pining "platonic" bedmates to lovers, sent by @grumpymurdernerd (it won’t let me tag you, I apologize)

Ship: Spelmer; side/mentioned Ralbert, Javid, and Newsbians

Word count: 1801

Era: Modern

Warnings: death mention (nightmares, not actual death)

Other tags: mutual pining, bed sharing, multiple POVs, fluff

“Spot,” Elmer whisper yells from the doorway. “Spot.”

Spot opens his eyes and rolls to face him with a groan. “What, Elmer?”

“What if ants howl like owls but we just can’t hear it?”

There’s a pause. “The first thing we have to touch on is the fact that you just said howl like an owl. Owls hoot, Elmer. They don’t howl. Second thing, why the hell are you awake?”

Elmer shuffles into the room. “I was thinking about ants.”

“As you do. Why are you actually awake?”

“I had a nightmare.”

“About ants?”

“Kinda. There was a lot of all of my friends dying, and then ants.”

“Elmer…that’s actually pretty terrible.”

Elmer sends him his best puppy dog eyes. “Cuddle?”

Spot sighs and pulls back the covers, an obvious invitation. Elmer grins widely and near about jumps in next to him.

“Can I be little spoon?”

“Elmer, you don’t have to ask.”

Elmer tucks his head underneath Spot’s chin, even though Elmer is inches taller than him.

“Thank you for letting me do this some nights.” Spot didn’t want to point out that some nights was actually every night because he was worried if they spoke of it, Elmer would stop coming.

Spot hates the term ‘heart skips a beat’ but sometimes that’s the only way to describe how he feels about Elmer. At times he feels like he’s taking advantage of him, because if Elmer knew how Spot truly felt, how much he loved the feel of Elmer in his arms, tucked against him…there’s no way he’d still come at night.

Spot can admit a lot of nights he lay awake with Elmer in his arms. He snores slightly, and he’s so warm beside him. His heart breaks every time Elmer sneaks out in the morning, but he knows that he’d never have this in the light of day.

Not that Elmer isn’t a physical person; he’s always throwing an arm around him, giving him hugs. But having him like this - soft and sweet in his arms - was a fool’s dream.

~

Elmer pauses to wipe his tears before he knocks. He knows he’s going to wake Spot up, and as much as he feels terrible for that, it was almost worth it to see ‘just woken up Spot’.

He’d never seen anything as cute as Spot when he just woke up. His hair sticking everywhere, pillow creases on his cheek - it was one of Elmer’s favorite sights.

Spot wasn’t what most would call soft, but every time Elmer has a nightmare and Spot lets him come share his bed, puts his arms around him, he gets even more proof that under all that put upon intensity was just a young man that he was completely in love with.

Elmer had never been in love, not until he started rooming with Spot. ‘He’s a bit difficult at first, but he’s a great guy.’ Jack didn’t know what he was starting, did he? I know you’re looking for somewhere, my brother’s roommate just moved out so he has a room free!

(How small of a world was it that Spot’s roommate just so happened to be one of Elmer’s best friends.)

Jack didn’t know that almost every night Elmer finds an excuse to cuddle up to Spot. To be fair, his excuse tonight is actually the worst nightmare he’s had in months, so he wasn’t just taking advantage of Spot’s sympathy.

“Spot.”

Spot sits up; he’s as cute as Elmer was expecting him to be. “What, Elmer?”

“What if ants howl like owls but we just can’t hear it?” That’s not what he meant to say.

Spot looks at him strangely, which is fair. “The first thing we have to touch on is the fact that you just said howl like an owl. Owls hoot, Elmer. They don’t howl. Second thing, why the hell are you awake?”

Elmer shrugs, scratching his bare arm as he walks into the room. “I was thinking about ants.”

“As you do. Why are you actually awake?”

“I had a nightmare.”

“About ants?”

“Kinda. There was a lot of all of my friends dying, and then ants.”

“Elmer…that’s actually pretty terrible.”

Elmer knew he had had lethal puppy dog eyes and he used them to get his way as often as he needed. “Cuddle?”

Spot sighs and pulls back the covers. Elmer practically runs towards him with a wide grin.

“Can I be little spoon?” He always was, but there’s no harm in asking. He loves being wrapped up in Spot’s arms, and it definitely doesn’t hurt that he tends to sleep shirtless.

“Elmer, you don’t have to ask.” He feels himself flushing. He thanks him.

Was it wrong? To love someone and not tell them? To cuddle someone without them knowing exactly why you want to be in wrapped in their arms?

Elmer shakes his head. Spot was a good friend, he wouldn’t be uncomfortable. He closes his eyes and sighs softly. Maybe one day he’d have this the way he so desperately wanted.

~

Spot throws himself on Jack’s sofa. “Why did you tell me to be his roommate? You’re a terrible brother.”

“Sean Conlon, are you…are you pining? Write this down, we must remember this day.” Spot near growls at him before he groans.

“It’s not my fault. Have you seen him?”

Davey laughs and sits himself on Jack’s lap. “Pine away, Spot.”

“He’s so cute, and his eyes - ” Spot groaned again.

“I’ve never seen you like this,” Jack says as he adjusts Davey. “It’s strange.”

“God knows how many times I’ve listened to Jack’s pining over Davey, though,” Katherine says. She raises her voice to optimal schoolgirl level, “Kath, he’s so smart and he knows how to do his taxes and he’s so handsome and dreamy.” She lowers her voice to its normal octave. “It’s about time someone else pines.”

Jack pouts. “Katherine, I thought you were on my side. And don’t even talk, your pining over Sarah was worse than anything I’ve ever heard. She’s so beautiful, Jack, and her legs…”

“And that’s where I’m going to stop you, because that’s my sister,” Davey interrupts. “Yes, she’s very beautiful but I don’t need to hear about her legs.”

Katherine shrugs with a grin. “Her mouth is pretty great, as well.”

Davey puts his hands over his ears. “La la la la I can’t hear you la la la la.”

~

“Wait,” Albert says, drawing his eyebrows together. “You mean you snuggle with Spot every night?”

Elmer blushes. “It’s not every night! It’s just. Most nights.”

Race snickers. “Is he big spoon or little spoon?”

“Big spoon,” both he and Albert say. Race only looks a little bit surprised that Albert knows what Spot is like to cuddle; Elmer only feels a little bit jealous that Albert knows what Spot is like to cuddle.

“Used to be too roommates, cuddled the guy a couple times,” Albert shrugs. “Which is the normal amount of cuddles before it gets pretty gay, bro.”

“Al, you have no room to talk,” Elmer laughs, ignoring the flutters in his stomach. “The reason you moved out was to shack up with your boyfriend.”

Albert shrugs again. “Never said I wasn’t gay, bro.”

“Anyway,” Race says, drawing out the word and ignoring Albert. “You have to tell him, E.”

“Tell him what?”

“That you’re in love with him.”

“What?” He splutters. “Why would I do that? I mean wait shit - I’m not in love with him! How do I know you’re not in love with him? Hmmm? Check and mate.”

Race sends him a droll look. “I can only handle so many biceps in my life. The amount of bro tanks I have to wash is astronomical as it is.”

“Fuck off, Higgins.” Albert punches him in the shoulder. “But my amazing biceps are not what we’re here to talk about. We’re here to talk about Elmer’s massive crush on Spot.”

Elmer groans. “He’s just…” He groans again. “He’s so cute and funny and nice and so far out of my league.”

Race pulls his eyebrows together and rolls his eyes, which looks painful. Elmer isn’t sure how that’s physically possibly, but Race does it valiantly, even if his contacts very obviously almost fell out. “He is not out of your league. You are perfectly in each other’s league. If you were two sports teams you’d be playing each other.”

“Albert, if you say anything along the lines of ‘playing with each other’ I will actually kill you,” Elmer says. Albert closes his mouth without a word.

~

After the conversation with his so called friends, Spot was not jumping at the chance to talk about his feelings.

“E, can I talk to you?” he says. They’re sat at the small table in the kitchen eating.

“Yeah, of course,” Elmer nods, setting his fork down.

“Um. You know how you’ve started sleeping in my room most nights?”

Elmer nods again.

“I think I may be in love with you.”

~

Elmer knew he had to talk to Spot.

“E, can I talk to you?” Spot says before he could even begin to speak.

“Yeah, of course,” Elmer nods, wiping the corners of his mouth with his napkin.

“Um. You know how you’ve started sleeping in my room most nights?”

Elmer nods again, this time terrified. Did he know? He’s going to tell me I can’t do it anymore. Why did I have to do this? Why did I have to fall -

“I think I may be in love with you.”

~

And that came out much different than Spot was expecting. There was going to be a conversation, something along the lines of ‘It’s okay if you think it’s weird, I promise I won’t make it weird, please still be my friend.’

The look on Elmer’s face gives him pause. He’s slack jawed, a look of absolute shock in his face. Spot feels a tiny glimmer of hope in his chest.

“Is that okay with you?” he continues uncertainly.

~

“Is that okay with you?”

“Is that okay with you?”

“Is that okay with you?”

Elmer doesn’t even think before he lunges across the table and kisses him straight on the mouth. He pulls back with a huge grin.

“Is that okay with me? Spot Conlon, I have loved you since almost the day I met you.”

~

Spot searches his memory for the last time he was as happy as he was right now. Elmer was on top of the table, kissing him, smiling against his lips, not horrified by how he feels. Spot pulls back with a grin to match his.

“I love you, E,” Spot’s heart nearly stops when he sees the smile Elmer sends him. “But you’re in my pasta. Could we possibly move this to the sofa?”

@auspicioustarantula | @mylesmisaddiction | @theproblemwitheyes | @pursuit-of-fandom-s | @fandomgueen42 | @cassandra-clare-anti | @grumpymurdernerd | @maxismediocre | @jd-sammy | @dying-poet | @pizzas-will-rule-the-world | @wafflesareh0t | @snakesarenonexistent | @kind-glittering-eyes | @the-whirligig-that-is-time | @captainelkequinn | @tumblesthroughtimeandspace | @i-thought-i-knew-what-love-was | @ho-ne-y | @courfey-duck | @arevolutionapproaches | @peach-m-00-n | @luckyteenagedirtbag | @tongue-blep-tommy

[lindoig4]

Vancouver

The train (that is apparently known for always running late) arrived in Vancouver at 4am instead of 8am. We got up at around 6:30 and had a leisurely breakfast because the station didn’t open until 8am for us to collect our baggage.  We caught a cab to the hotel, to be told that we couldn’t check in until 4pm!  Never heard that anywhere else - the latest we had heard anywhere before was 2pm.

Anyway, we left our luggage in the baggage room and bought tickets for the HOHO bus - at a 30% discount just for that one day!  Lucky us.

It was a bit drizzly, but they get rain on more than 250 days a year so perhaps it was not unexpected.  We rode the bus around the full circuit and stayed on for another half circuit until we got back to Gastown where we hopped off for a really nice lunch in a hole in the wall place along the main street close to the Steam Clock - a really fascinating piece of historical equipment.

The commentary on the bus was excellent: entertaining and informative and the sights were really great.  The huge Stanley Park and beach areas were particularly beautiful and the whole experience was miles ahead of the equivalent HOHO in Toronto - and so was the city!

By the time we had enjoyed a slow lunch, the rain had almost stopped so we strolled down to the waterfront where we watched a seal frolicking around, presumably for our entertainment.  Two huge cruise ships we berthed there so we wandered around the terminal area and reminded ourselves how much we would hate to be on such a big ship - and these were only about a third as big as the massive floating cities that have been put into service in the past few years.

We finished the second circuit on the HOHO bus and returned to our room and ate a very nice, albeit very expensive, meal in the restaurant.  I have been hanging out for something spicy so I thoroughly enjoyed a Vindaloo and we shared a bottle of really excellent local cab sav.  Perhaps surprisingly, the Canadian reds are really worth looking out for!

We reckon that Vancouver is a very attractive city, vibrant and progressive, with lots of life and proud of its identity and achievements.  It had a good feel about it and perhaps the moody drizzle set the scene for us in the morning before a bright and sunny afternoon.  All in all, a good day and we were delivered back to the hotel just as the reservations desk opened!

Monday was an adventure day!  We went on a harbour lunch cruise and although we might have been able to get to the starting point on our HOHO ticket (a lot of HOHO tours give you two days for the price of one), timing was a bit tight so we took a cab through some more lovely moody mist and boarded our boat.  I guess there were about 100 of us, but we were on the upper (enclosed) deck, right near the window and close to the door to the forward viewing deck outside - the best seats in the house I think. There was a bit of commentary, but not at all invasive, and the food was excellent too.  We chatted with people on either side of us and they introduced us to Caesars - a bit like spicy Bloody Marys on steroids.  I didn’t think they were that alcoholic, although they said they usually were, but they were certainly delicious and something we might try to make at home.

The scenery was spectacular.  The surrounding mountains were often lost in the clouds, but they were awesome and we passed several islands crowded with huge trees and nesting places for birds, mainly gulls and Canada Geese.  Parts of the shoreline were festooned with mansions, often owned by celebrities unknown to us uncivilised Aussies (I had heard of Steve McQueen though) but there were lots of exotic big hideaways set into the forest and only accessible by boat.  Great for people like Howard Hughes - another name even a pleb like me recognised.  The cruise went along the northern side of the main harbour for several kilometres and into Indian Arm, a delightfully remote stretch hemmed in by mountains and forests.  The rain came and went a few times, drizzles and serious showers, interspersed with short periods of bright sunshine.  The end of the cruise was at Silver Falls where the bow was edged in to within a metre of the shore and everyone crowded in to take photos of a great little waterfall - not quite Niagara, but pretty anyway.

We then returned to the dock where we had boarded by following the southern shore, again with a bit of interesting commentary.  It was a lovely 4 hours in wonderful surroundings - but then came the adventure segment.

We decided to walk along the Harbourside Gardens to the place we wanted to catch the HOHO bus home again and out in the middle of nowhere, it rained.  I am not talking about a huge flooding deluge, but REAL rain such as even the locals who are used to heavy downpours had not seen before.  It pelted down and despite hiding out in the trees in our raincoats, we were drenched in seconds.  We decided that we couldn’t get ant wetter so kept walking another 100 metres to where we could get into the basement of the Convention Centre and tried to reorganise our backpacks a bit.  Alas, too late!  Everything was already wet and there was a pool of water in the bottom of mine.

We ended up walking along a service road under the Convention Centre with cars and trucks whizzing by, water pouring out of broken drains above, below and beside us, and great gushing fountains metres high from flooded stormwater drains underneath the road.  There were big pools of water everywhere and our shoes were soon full.  A guy in a car eventually stopped and told us how to get into a mall from the back door and we finally made it out to the main road and caught the last HOHO for the day.  But wait, there’s more........

There were a few other drowned rats like us on the bus and everyone was talking about the amazing deluge, but off we went on the circuit back to our hotel.  The circuit included Stanley Park and we took a slightly different route at one point and I saw a cute sign at a roadway near a small bridge – ‘Load limit 13 tons, cyclists excepted!’  Not sure how many cyclists would need to divert, but the bus was certainly over 13 ton.  A kilometre or so up the road, a Police car was blocking the r oad because a huge tree had succumbed in the storm and fallen across the road making it impassable.  Quite a few cars were coming up behind us and they were all able to be diverted back along the side road to the 13 ton bridge, but ours and another bus were stuck with nobody guessing how many hours it would be before they could clear the road.

After quite some time, a couple of cops came on motorbikes and escorted the buses back down the one-way road we had come along. There were still cars coming up the hill and several times, they blocked the corners the buses had to negotiate and the cop had to turn them around or reroute them, to allow us to get through.  It was quite an adventure.  Some people were probably stranded at other stops our bus couldn’t reach and we had to take a different route so saw things that we hadn’t seen on the official route.  By now it was after 7.30 and the bus is supposed to finish at 6.30 so once the other passengers alighted where they needed to go, we just told the driver to skip the rest of the route and take us to our hotel by the easiest way she could.  We had started to dry out a little by then, but once we got to our room, we converted it into a Chinese laundry for a bit over 24 hours and got everything almost dry - although I still put damp socks on this morning 2 days later!

We were supposed to go on the seaplane Mail Run next day, a flight to a few islands dropping off and picking up mail and parcels, but I had lots of cramps during the night (too long wearing wet cold shoes and clothes the day before) and Heather had a bad night with a very raw throat (same reason no doubt) so we rang them before 7am and cancelled it.  They wanted to charge us a cancellation fee despite our documentation saying we could cancel up to 15 minutes before the flight with no penalty.  As it happens, we hadn’t paid anything and they didn’t know our credit card details, so they were whistling Dixie anyway so we spent the day in our room recuperating.

We both blogged and Facebooked, sorted and edited photos and I spent a few hours going through all by bird photos identifying some that I couldn’t ID before when I had no internet on the train  I only added about 6 or 7, but it was a fun little job.  We also had to do a complete repack once things were dry (and seal up those few items that weren’t) so we had a full day pottering in the room.

We had enjoyed our ‘to go’ meal the previous night after the storm so went out to the same area and bought a small selection of similar things for dinner and our 4am breakfast next day before catching the bus to Seattle and the train to San Francisco.

[strikersunindie-a]

Adventure Down Underground || Hanson/Scott

@blue-eyed-devils​

Scott had to be flown in by helicopter to get to the top of the mesa. He got a great view of the arid landscape, reminding him once again how far he was from his frigid homeland.

The helicopter dropped him with a cloud of dust, leaving Scott to locate Dr Hanson alone. He’d read enough of the detailed reports to know the dig site, even if it was his first time visiting. A cave marked by First Nations drawings leading down into an extensive underground network left by a lost civilization.

The historical significance of which had drawn Dr Hanson, but Scott was more interested in finding the cause of their demise - for it’s modern day applications.

Scott figured he wouldn’t find the man in the cluster of tents, so he pulled out a torch from his backpack and started his descent into the caves. About halfway down the cave floor changed to rough-hewn steps, eventually leading down to a big cavern with buildings and walls cut into the stone. A series of flickering torches led him down to where Dr Hanson was working.  

The man must have heard him approach but didn’t look up, seemingly too entranced with his work. Scott hadn’t met him in person before, only spoke briefly on the phone. He was taller and more fit & handsome than he’d expected. Scott stowed his backpack by one of the metal cases and dusted off his white shirt before approaching Dr Hanson.

“I’m Scott Verdant,” he said, offering his hand. “I believe you were expecting me?”

-------------------------------------------------------

Hanson had surprised the crew when they first met him as well. As the leading archeologist, they were expecting some nerdy academic, with thick rimmed glasses, sunscreen all over the place, and either sweating buckets with just a few steps or overly lean. Hanson was fit and definitely caught the eye of a couple of members, but he ignored it all and had them focus on mapping and setting up the caves.

It was magic when they finally discovered the route to the city of stone. Despite centuries of neglect, nearly all the buildings were intact. It took them days to set everything up, knowing they were going to eventually explore each one to see what life was like inside. Unfortunately, the items inside weren’t as intact, as opening the door to one with the utmost care caused many items to finish turning into dust. With the funding they received however, they used a machine to chart the place, similar to sonar.

Hanson was examining one house with certain inscriptions when he heard someone approaching. He just assumed it was one of the workers, giving him an update, but he didn’t think it would be their financial savior!

“Mr. Verdant! Welcome!” Mr. Hanson walked over to the man, taking it and giving him a strong and enthusiastic grip. “You’ll be very pleased to hear we’re making great progress on everything. Come!” The excitement was almost like a kid’s at this point, as he showed the drawings he was examining.

“So this is interesting because somehow, this is similar to Anasazi drawings and language. Yet it’s older, meaning this would be a connecting point to that tribe that mysteriously disappeared. At this point, I can tell you that it wasn’t another tribe that wiped them out.”

-------------------------------------------------------

Theirs was a mutually beneficial arrangement. He funded Hanson’s expedition and Scott got access to anything unearthed. Hanson’s eyes lit up as he spoke passionately.

Passion is good. Means he’s fully engaged with the task at hand and more tractable. Boys and their toys….So predictable.

Scott came in closer and quickly glanced over the drawings. “You found these here? Do you think we’ve finally found the lost tribe?”

He considered Hanson’s conclusion for a moment. “So not another tribe. Maybe my theory that this is a special religious site is more plausible. Maybe they had a mass sacrifice and must be somewhere special. How the progress going on the lower levels?”

-------------------------------------------------------

“Perhaps, but we haven’t been able to find any remains inside. Each house is practically sealed, any new motion might turn the contents into dust. That machine you got for us however is helping us map each one though.” He knew that Hanson would want some artifacts for his personal collection, but Scott hoped that he would at least get to examine and photograph them for research.

“I’m not sure about the mass sacrifice, but it definitely possible this was a religious site. Or perhaps something similar to a last stronghold, where they go for safety.” It was pure speculation at this point, as he’d need more time to examine everything.

“However, we’ve opened the way to the lower levels at least and cleared a path. There is where it’s real interesting. Come,” he said as he clipped a portable light to himself. “Once we found this, I wanted us to double back and examine each place carefully, in case we can find more things related to this.” As they traversed down, things got darker, but it was definitely carved out. At the end was a massive wall, but had a few indents in it that were definitely man made.

--------------------------------------------------------

He followed after Hanson, eager to see what they might find. Scott was inexperienced with being on dig sites and archaeology in general, but he knew a fair amount about geology and the natural world.  

He noticed how the rock changed the further they went down. Softer sandstone changing to denser rocks like granite in the torchlight.  “There just has to be so much more than what we’ve found. To sustain a community of this size to build all this….they’d need a fresh water and food source. Where’s the signs of all that? There just has to be more to unearth h-”

A rock suddenly crumbled underneath his foot. Scott stumbled forward, bumping smack into Hanson’s surprisingly solid body. “So sorry,” he said, steadying himself. He gave the man’s shoulder a brief pat. “I should be more careful, less excited.” He smiled ruefully and gestured for Hanson to continue the way.

-------------------------------------------------------

Hanson was familiar with the area and knew where to stand. He was also rather light footed because of the fact many places could simply crumble underneath a step. Scott however, was not. So while he was a bit startled by feeling the man’s body against his own, he held firm so Scott didn’t fall anywhere else. Then he turned around to make sure Scott was secure before turning to the wall.

“I’ve only allowed a few people in here because they know how to examine things. Please, don’t touch anything. Even something like the oils from our fingers can affect the composition and quality of any artifacts.” Hanson didn’t like having to tell his benefactor this, but it was necessary.

He pushed open the wall and revealed a rather large cave. It was raised, as much of the floor was covered in water that led even deeper. The walls were covered in a bio-luminescent algae, that revealed patches of mushrooms and other fungus growing. “The water must have come from there, while they ate the mushrooms. Unfortunately, I’m not sure if these are poisonous or not, or if the water is actually safe to drink either.” There were paintings there too, around the algae on the wall, of creatures that didn’t look like the humans they’ve seen everywhere else.

--------------------------------------------------------

Scott wanted to point out it was an accident, not deliberate, but he held his tongue. The man had a point and there was need to distract Hanson further.

He followed after the man, down through to a cave covered in fungi, bio-luminescent algae and rock art. “It’s beautiful…” breathed Scott, as he looked all around.

“You think the fungi was still around in their time? Maybe some of it has hallucinogenic properties,” he wondered. “How deep is this water? Perhaps there is more to be revealed in it’s depths… -but after we’ve fully explored this complex, of course.” he quickly added.

Scott raised his torch to view the cave drawings as they passed. Beautiful… so pristine…But nothing unremarkable. What if this site comes up empty? That this whole project’s been a waste of time and money?

He followed Hanson through the cave, down some rough-hewn steps that seemed to go on forever till eventually they stopped at a passageway, cleanly cut into the stone. Already Scott could tell the masonry was different here. The passageway led out into an enormous ante chamber, filled with countless carved stone pillars and other things Scott didn’t recognise. The chamber was so big, his torchlight didn’t reveal the end to it.

“Wow!” Scott didn’t know where to look first. “Hanson! This is incredible! This is it, right? You’ve found it!”

-------------------------------------------------------

Although Hanson had lectured Scott just moments before on proper behavior at a site like this, Hanson couldn’t help but enjoy the look on Scott’s face. It was as if the man got younger again, the stress of life seemingly lifted as it was replaced by wonder and awe. It was how Hanson first felt when he first saw the giant t-rex skeleton in a museum.

“I have to study some more to confirm it, but yes, I do believe that this chamber was likely used in some sort of ritualistic manner.” The chamber was huge underneath the earth, though there was clearly air filtering in through some natural vents.

“If you look closely at the pillars here, you can see markings of some sort that are repeated on each of them, with only very slight differences. And they all lead to that center,” he said as he pointed to each one with the torch. “I wish to leave this last while we explore further up, to see if we can gather clues as to the details of each markings,” he said to Scott, hoping the investor would listen to him.

-------------------------------------------------------

Scott aimed his torch in the direction where Hanson was pointing. The centre had some kind of stone altar, or at least what appeared to be to Scott’s untrained eyes. Below the altar, a channel was cut into the stone, leading away into the shadows.

“Are those cut lines down there to capture blood from their sacrifices?” asked Scott, thinking out-loud. The run-off might lead to human remains -  And I can finally get a sample of the disease!

“Wonder where it leads to?”  Too excited, Scott immediately set off after it.  A half-dozen paces and there was a soft click!  A sickening sound of stone scraping again stone echoed in the chamber. Scott stumbled. The floor beneath them started to give way.

--------------------------------------------------------

Scott felt a strong hand gasp his as he fell. Sliding on stone into darkness for a few scary moments. Scott tumbled on a hard surface before his whole left side slammed into solid stone, his skull hitting it with a lound thump. “Are you alright?”  asked Hanson, from somewhere in the dark. “I’ll live,” muttered Scott, rubbing his pounding head. It felt a little sticky.  Must be bleeding. I'm getting too old for this. His eyes adjusted to the gloom, lit only by the flashlight that must have fallen with them. Scott pulled himself to his feet with a groan. “It looks like this might have been a dumping ground for sacrifices,” stated Hanson. “What was that? Was that you?” “Hmn? Oh that’s a snake. Easy now. Stay still while I find it.” Scott grabbed the flashlight and looked around for the snake. “He’s just warning us that we’re in his home. Give him space and he’ll be fine.”  The flashlight’s beam revealed a number of snakes, most were relaxed and out of range, except the one coiled up in strike position near Hanson. “Stay calm. That’s it. I’m gonna distract him, and you’re gonna step back towards me when I do.”   Scott slowly bent down to pick up a rib bone. “Alright,  ready-”  He tossed the bone with the snake’s reach, but away from Hanson. The snake dived after the bone, sensing movement in the air. He sighed with relief when Hanson stepped beside him, the two men pressed close together against the wall. “Phew. I didn’t want to tell you that was a black  desert cobra and pretty venomous. You good?”

----------------------------------------------------------

Hanson was a bit surprised by how concerned Scott sounded. Of course he knew that snakes around here probably were poisonous, as he worked in these environments. But anti-venom was on the campsite, not on him, and even all of his powers couldn't stop that. When he saw Scott toss the bone, Hanson jumped to Scott's side against the wall. "Yeah. But how the hell are we gon a get outta here," he wondered aloud, looking at the walls and ground to see if there was an way out. There had to be, since even snakes needed oxygen to live. They were still breathing after all so there had to be an exit. "Guess you're getting a bit more adventure than you paid for," he joked as he looked at Scott, trying to lighten the mood."Here, hand me the light," he said. Looking around, he waved the light up above and saw a bunch of stalactites, but one area was clear. "There. I think we need to find a way to press it. Otherwise we will be stuck here." Looking down at the ground, some snakes were nearby but they were relaxed at the moment too. "If only we could make a torch. The fire would scare them away," he said, trying to figure out who to do so without revealing his ability.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Scott passed Hanson the torch and looked up where he was pointing the light. a A bunch of stalactites. What’s he thinking? All the way up there?

 “Um...how would we even get there?  You on my shoulders? I'm not a smoker so no lighter or matches. Nothing to burn anyway, unless you’re counting clothes.” Scott paused to check his pockets. “But I do have a Swiss army knife. And some gum, if you want.”   He lightly touched Hanson’s arm. “Shine the light back down here. Maybe we’ll get lucky.” 

Scott took hold of Hanson’s hand, an unconscious gesture, needing the other man close and safe as they inched along the wall, away from the snakes. His foot crunched on something in the shadows more solid that sand. Scott immediately stopped, feeling Hanson bump up against his backside. “There’s something down there. Point the light down a bit.” 

 The light revealed a pile of bones blocking his way. Scott didn’t recoil, instead it got him thinking.  “Now if I had a chamber with a trap door or sacrificial pit, I wouldn’t want the dead bodies stinking up my lair. No, I’d want them cleared out.” 

 He knelt to start moving the brittle bones away from the wall. They were tangled up with bits of god knows what else but Scott grit his teeth and worked them free revealing a fair-sized opening cut 

[visarcana]

What do we know about... Basram

A.k.a. the first post in the ‘WDWK’ series. Well, it’s kind of hard to keep in mind all this information found in various artbooks and other sources, so I'll try to put it all into a single post regarding the selective topic. I will make them as many and about such topics as I’ll feel necessary in the progress of the story, so the posts probably won’t be regular or follow some kind of structure. Yeah, they will be a mess as you can see from just looking at this one. But I expect to make at least a few of them. 

And the first will be about the Gaean country of Basram. I tried to find what I could about it as I was thinking of Cyro, an original character coming from that country, who was introduced in chapter 4. And well, as I said in the author’s note, the official information about Basram is very scarce. But I will list all I could find here and also attempt to do a little analysis (or rather, I’ll be grasping at the straws tbh).

Note: I’ll be using abbreviations for the artbooks, ‘ESCAB’ is for the Escaflowne Settei Collection Artbook, ‘EFB’ are the Escaflowne Filmbooks

Canon information:

1. Basram is the only republic from among the Allied countries (EFB 6)

2. The coat of arms represents entwined double dragons

As seen in the artbooks (the text says ‘Basram crest’):

Regarding the colors, it’s hard to the flag in a screenshot, but it’s indeed red so these ancient images for ants with the copyright of Sunrise studios (??) that still float around the web look quite legit:

3. The design of the uniform for Basram soldiers

EFB 6 depicts the uniform of the common soldier (left) and the general.

According to the ESCAB, this is in fact a specific Basram general by the name of Quarto (Kuaruto):

However, in the series itself we see a different-looking commander instead - none other than Mr. Bombastic himself:

Since his ordinary pal from the artbook is present at the scene as well, I would say they just changed the design of the general in the end.

4. The position in the southeast of the ‘known Gaea’

At least as depicted by the part of the map of Gaea from one of the artbooks. According to it, the known neighboring countries are Egzardia to the Northeast, Asturia to the Northwest and Freid to the Southwest.

5. The development and use of the energist bomb

Basram decides to use the chaos on the battlefield and use their new weapon called the energist bomb, not only to wipe out the Zaibach army, but also to weaken their allies and assume the dominant position from among them and “rule Gaea themselves”.

This is the bomb and the ship which drops it:

Then there are several depictions of Basram guymelefs and that’s it for canon-only.

And now it gets more specific, but also way more speculative...

1. Republic

ESCAB says most of the hundreds of Gaean countries are monarchies that evolved from tribal communities where one clan accumulated enough power to rule over the others. Basram is apparently one of the exceptions. Republic (res publica - the state is a “public matter” made by and for the people) often comes to be as the result of overthrowing a tyrannic ruler (or ruling class/group), or via revolution. I chose that path as well, even though there probably are examples of state bodies which were already created as republic, too. With massive social changes, several groups can be hit hard of course, so I tried to incorporate that a bit when creating Cyro’s backstory.

2. Crest

Dragons here, dragons there, dragons everywhere. That’s Gaea for you. The official flag of Basram is the familiar symbol of symmetric entwined serpentine creatures, which probably can be dubbed as dragons. It’s quite similar to the crest of Asturia, which you see on the flags and banners, but also in the huge ‘altar’ thing at Millerna’s wedding:

So, it may have a religious connotation. In Asturia, it probably represents their sea dragon god, Jeture. But I was not so sure what it represents in Basram. The position of the dragons is certainly reverse from Asturia above (they face away from each other) and they seem to be breathing fire out of their mouths.

Well, since I’ve been writing this fic for a while, I had decided that Basram would have some sort of sun worship long time ago. But it was only recently I have discovered about the double dragons of Basram, so I tried to incorporate it somehow. In the end I settled on the dragons representing the Sun and the Moon (and no, I was in no way original, see for example the Gandhara dragons).

In Gaea’s case, it would probably be the Sun and the Mystic Moon. And the Moon can be their offspring. Just fanwanking here.

When it comes to the Vis Arcana universe, Cyro used to be a monk of Tonatis, the male/Sun aspect. But maybe there is (or was) a complementary female religious order worshiping the Moon?

I made the geographical terms I used correspond to this theory, Cyro mentions Heliopoli and I have thought of Lunasta. Kind of obvious, right? (I have not been too creative)

Anyway, it’s quite possible that the dragons were simply meant to represent Jeture as well, because it looks like Basram borders with the same sea as Asturia. The sea, where, you know, Jeture is supposed to reside.

3. Uniform

There are a few pointers of what Earth countries served as inspiration for the Gaean ones. The clothes being one of the more obvious. And what we are looking at here is an obvious case of a pickelhaube, which together with the overknee boots points right in the direction of Prussia for me. I mean look at this 19th century Prussian cuirassier [IMG SRC] side by side with our guy for example:

Or another good example here.

Of course, there are more countries and armies which used the pickelhaube over the history and maybe some of them would look similar, too. And I don’t think we should simply put a ‘=‘ between Basram and Prussia anyway, because this is still a fantasy universe, but well, there seems a certain inspiration. And for those familiar with European history, the militarism of Basram may come as less of a surprise.

4. Geography

According to the map, Basram is located quite down south, souther than Asturia itself, nearing Freid. And that would make the climate quite Mediterranean/hot. But only if you think in Earth’s terms. These people do not really look like they live somewhere in a warm climate, but heck if I know. On the map it looks like they have a seacoast, some major rivers and mountains. Then there is that thing of Gaean map being just the rotated version of ice age Europe which would tell us more about the topography, but nah. Too lazy for that for now.

5. Energist Bomb

Well. The whole bomb business may also sound very familiar. A new, unexpected strange weapon with enough destructive force to wipe out whole armies and cities, leaving nothing in its wake.  Maybe even more so when you know what followed in the series, i.e. the allied countries turning on each other. The nuclear bomb was not just about Japan either, it was also about deterring any potential future enemies from among the Allies (well, especially one of them). And the US certainly certainly were a republic from the beginning. So yeah, more sources of inspiration here at work probably...

Okay, guess that’s it for today. Didn’t think this would get so long! I think a similar post about Egzardia may be next. You’re welcome to ask questions or discuss this if you want of course!

[aurora-daily]

Mother Earth’s Warrior

Interview: Aurora for The Line of Best Fit by Cheri Amour (September 28th, 2018)

Norway’s greatest pop export, AURORA speaks to Cheri Amour about her not-so-difficult second album and why it opens up a forest of thought for our future preservation.

There have long been popular culture characters in our midst hell-bent on saving the planet. Healing the world and making it a better place, for you and me and the entire human race. But there’s something different about AURORA Aksnes, better known as million-streamed Norwegian singer/songwriter, AURORA. Her latest release, Infections of A Different Kind, puts Mother Earth at its heart.

It feels fitting then to be sat in one of London’s luscious parks together, AURORA decked out in green amongst the evergreen sipping on her coconut water. She is slight but by no means shy and constantly alert, throwing out relatable anecdotes that seem to be skipping through her mind as she scans her surroundings. Her eyes are shining bright, often looking outwards rather than directly at me. Instead, she is constantly seeking out the sky, the clouds, darting at the path of a pigeon, beaming at a small child opposite us on another table. At one point, she becomes distracted by my stationary choices (“I have the same pen but in green”) and is immediately back in the bustling streets of gay Paris where she made the purchase, with her underlying care and compassion for all things, living or otherwise. “I should’ve brought mine and they’ve could’ve spoken”.

It’s been over two years since the singer sprang onto our stereos like a forest-spirit from the Bergen mountains with her debut EP, Running With Wolves. But whilst her musical mission might be led by a bold vision for a brighter future, her present still looks pretty rosy with debut full-length, All My Demons Greeting Me As A Friend racking up a massive 200 million streams globally. It’s an almost magical might for an artist who only celebrated her 22nd birthday this year. But on speaking with AURORA, her emotional intelligence is undeniable. “I know the world is not a fairy tale and we’re just doing our best…” she happily admits, an astute admission for someone so renowned for her enchanting pop gems.

For the Bergen-based artist though, her strength clearly comes from the collective power of change rather than the sole-creator. She often refers more holistically to an issue than nitpicking specifics. Indeed, it’s this rallying sense of collective change that has gifted AURORA such a solid fan base of “warriors and weirdos” from the depths of South America to the smaller towns and cities of Australia. “It’s so important to fight for the things you care about”, she continues. “They have proven they can do that. They share my message. They stand up for me. If one person disagrees with what I do, they go to war”.

It reminds me of another story of a similarly impassioned figure wanting to make collective change in their world. Often admired as the crowning work of Japanese animation master Hayao Miyazaki and his Studio Ghibli, Princess Mononoke powerfully paints the struggle between the gods of a forest and the humans who consume its resources. And, it seems unbeknownst to Ghibli at the time, over 20 years on from its original release, that same spirit hasn’t been lost in Infections of A Different Kind.

Her relationship with nature is woven throughout, a sort of Hansel and Gretel style breadcrumb trail through her mind’s eye of the world around us. Much like Ghibli’s tale which finds the main protagonist locked in a struggle for the future of the unspoiled forest and an elaborate moral universe, the sophomore record is rooted in Mother Earth. “We are killing incredible beauty without even knowing that we’ve already killed so much”, she reflects, her fingers playing with a small burgundy, woven scarf. It looks homemade, thin and narrow, entwined around her small hands. “We’ve killed entire species of animals. We’ve killed possibilities of making medicine. We’ve killed people”, she pauses, clearly upset by the thoughts. “It makes me sad because I know the planet will live. She will outlive us all and we will die because we’re just tiny ants on her big skin”.

But despite her worry, life and death feel like a natural cycle for AURORA, as you might expect from someone so clued up on the climate. She speaks confidently about nature’s balance, preferring the pragmatic output of an organism rather than anything overly fussy which could also be true of the sounds she makes. “I don’t really like flowers that much. They’re too pretty for their own good. People pick them and they get to die inside a vase”. If she were a flower, AURORA would be a dried white rose, perfectly encapsulated within a moment of time; pure, classic and radiating humility. Meanwhile, lavender for its medicinal properties and affection to bees gets a glowing write up. “That’s my favourite thing about Mother Earth actually”, she explains. “All the knowledge and all that she provides us; the fruit, the medicine. That’s why we need the rainforest but we tear it down”.

Only recently have we seen the devastating effects of illegal logging in the Papua New Guinea forests which provide a home for many of its unique species. Most timbers from New Guinea and its offshore islands are processed in China before being sold around the world, largely for use in furniture and flooring. Likewise, in the Amazon around 17% of the forest has been lost in the last 50 years, mostly due to forest conversion for cattle ranching. Sadly it’s the global brand giants causing most of the destruction with Greenpeace releasing a recent report that identified major palm olive producers such as Unilever, Nestlé, Colgate-Palmolive, and Mondelez, have destroyed an area of rainforest almost twice the size of Singapore in less than three years. The problem is, much like the Native American saying, what will happen after the last tree has fallen and the rivers have been poisoned?

Live favourite, "The Seed" encapsulates this idea. Her vocal is moving, selflessly offering herself up to restore what humanity has destroyed: “Suffocate me / So my tears can be rain / I will water the ground where I stand / So the flowers can grow back again”. "The Seed" acts like the nucleus of change for AURORA. It’s the birth of something. It’s thought or an act or a movement. “It’s the beginning of everything”, she explains, enthused. “The way the seed lies underground with no sun, nothing, darkness but it knows where to go and then it breaks through the stone, the mountain, asphalt, and earth. All these things they came from down there”, she insists, pointing at a nearby flower bed at which point her gaze is caught by a fluttering pigeon on the roof. After a few seconds, she apologises: “The pigeons are so distracting”.

Conversation turns to her own beginnings, painting a picture of her home back in Norway which sounds like something straight out of a Lord of The Rings novel. A fjord carved out by glaciers in the ice ages with a little island in the middle of it that she would often take a small kayak out to and sleep overnight on in the summer when the sun rarely sets. “On one of them lives quite an angry goat so don’t go there. He’s like a proper…”, she gesticulates the animal’s horns with her hands by her ears. “He’s intense. All the other ones are fine”, she laughs. The open water feels like it is a bit of a theme to her early years, spending much of her childhood on sailboats of some varieties, not surprising for a country that has the kind of tight relationship with water that Brits have with tea. Whether it's coastline, fjord, lake or river, water is everywhere in Norway and Norwegians make the most of it. Her father sailed the seas for four years in a row before she was born, she tells me proudly.

The other towering backdrop to her youth were those sturdy mountains and an ambitious walking regime. The latter almost certainly a contributing factor to her ingenuity and appreciation of the rambling flora and fauna so prevalent in her songwriting today. “We’d go for mountain hikes at least four times a week”, she states, matter of factly. “You bring some chocolate with bread and cheese to eat at the top. It’s kind of what you do together with your Mum’s friend and her kid, you know?” Perhaps not the same as growing up in the flatlands of Norfolk, I admit. “Well, it’s very normal in Norway, especially Bergen because you have the mountains everywhere”, she continues. There’s a mountain in every city at least. In every village. And in my village, we only have eight neighbours, there’s only us living there. And I look at the water and I have the forest behind me. She openly sighs and takes a moment, transporting herself back to the shimmering open waters, stood with lungs full of the fresh mountain air.

Surrounded by such a magical setting, it’s not surprising that AURORA tries to create a kingdom of her own for listeners. The first hint at the new record, former single “Queendom” is dedicated to “everything that’s alive”. Insistent that “Queendom” should be a place “with only love”, the song is also a celebration of our differences with an open innocence that tries to find the best in all of us. Again, Ghibli’s own ethical ethos rings true here, with Princess Mononoke heralded as for its ability to make heroes of outsiders and blurring the stereotypes that usually define such characters. It’s the same for AURORA. She is an artist breaking down huge barriers around inclusivity which shine through “Queendom”’s electro-pulse and call-to-arms. “It’s very much about giving hope, like being given the tools to become a warrior, a fighter to deal with the now. Not an escape but a way to really stay in the present, and make a change”.

Directed by Paris-based, Polish-Australian Director King Burza, the single’s video finds Aurora bathed in natural light exploring the cavernous surrounds of an old country home, the dappled light falling on her through the beaten window frames. She leaps through the high-ceiling hallways in flowing white cotton, much like the lyrics suggest, as our lamb. The pulsing chorus beat kicks in with a procession of women dancers weaving behind her arms like the Shiva herself, the fierce warrior Goddess. With Scandinavia often heralded for its gender parity, it’s not surprising that a huge part of “Queendom”’s rallying cry is being channeled into some sort of feminist anthem but as AURORA herself says: “it’s much more than that. I want it to be a song for people in need”.

“I began writing for Infections of A Different Kind the day after my first album was released...it’s good when it’s fresh when you’re still like a predator. You can still smell the blood from the prey."

With its timely post-#metoo-era release, it’s not surprising that there’s a strong focus on the strength of women in here though as well as flipping assumed gender norms and empowering an army, as she sings: “The women will be my soldiers / With the weight of life on their shoulders”. It’s an element of Nordic folklore that really spoke to her warrior instincts. “I like that it was often the women that hunted. When the men went out on a journey to kill and steal, the women stayed and were the boss which is kind of cool”. Similarly, she sees herself played back to her in scrappy forest-dwelling nymphs, the Huldra. “They had messy hair like I had when I was a child”, she jokes.

Propelled by our comparisons, talk turns into a bit of an education in Norwegian children’s tales as she boasts that many of them centre around a troll. Whether that’s a troll turning to stone in the sun before it eats the children or the story of a young boy from the village who challenges the troll to a porridge-eating contest. Tactfully tying his knapsack to his belly, the boy scoops more porridge into the bag than he eats himself and then, once full, slashes it open encouraging the troll to do the same so they can power through the porridge. Fooled by the boy, the troll cuts his stomach and dies leaving all of the gold and silver in the cave for the boy to take home to pay off his family debts. “Then you have the troll mother who has put her eleven troll children to bed. That’s the first song I sang when I was two years old in my Mum’s blue kitchen”, she recalls. A newborn with pink cheeks begins to whimper to its Mum on the table next to us now which lures the singer’s attention away for a fleeting moment, her mouth fixed in a wide-open smile. “Sorry, babies and pigeons. Very distracting”, she reasons.

After the brief introduction to Norwegian folklore, it feels apt to ask around the production of the new record which took place in a fairytale studio-cum-chateau somewhere in the South of France. Positioned in a vineyard surrounded by animals and a pond, the castle sounds like the right kind of pastoral setting for such a life-affirming record. AURORA details an almost Beauty And The Beast-like existence there, holed up in the huge house’s halls and libraries for just over a month. Chef Marie cooked a three-course meal, three times a day whilst the dog Paula and cat, Ginger amble through the corridors.

It becomes clear quite quickly that AURORA hasn’t faced the difficult second album syndrome. “I began writing for it the day after my first album was released because then the first album had been done already for four months”, she beams. “That’s why I always begin right after I release right after my previous thing. I begin on the next”. A natural hunter, she adds: “It’s good when it’s fresh when you’re still like a predator. You can still smell the blood from the prey. And you’re kind of just running after it and you know where to go, that’s how I felt”.

It was a fairly natural process then? “I found it way easier than the first because I really knew what I wanted. I’ve always known since I was an embryo what I want and now I have the tools to make it happen. I know how to produce, and how to play more instruments. I played the drums and the rhythms. The multi-instrumentalist played drums on all of the songs on Infections of A Different Kind, actually, it’s kind of a new passion for her. “I love it. It’s very energetic and you get quite tired afterward which I love. I love the feeling of exhausting myself”, she grins.

"I have my own dream language which half of the population understands...a fourth...an eleventh so I also had to learn things myself because I am the only one who can know."

Adding to her workload, AURORA took up a lot of the production duties on the record too which makes a powerful statement in a world for far too many women artists are corralled into working with male producers. She’s not afraid to tackle this in her own terms, often struggling to articulate what she wanted using the technical language, the singer offers up her own alternative parallels: “Make it sound like water or bellyache”. “I realised I don’t have the technical language. I have my own dream language which half of the population understands...a fourth...an eleventh so I also had to learn things myself because I am the only one who can know”. She’s adamant that crafting her music, much like her new love of drums, is one of her biggest pleasures. The ability to realise her imagined worlds into reality gives her a certain sense of belonging which, in the future, might remain a constant more so than the live show. “If there’s one thing I’ll do less of, you know in forty years, it’s touring. But not studio, I’ll always be there”, she adds resolutely.

But despite her preference, she knows the power of sharing her songs with her legion of fans and she confesses many of the new numbers have already made it into the live set. “I think at one point it was maybe a bit too many. I like all my songs better live just because of the energy so it’s always nice to know that the fans will get to experience that first”. And that’s exactly what AURORA has tried to do with the release schedule of the record, teasing one more single out last week ahead of today’s full-length. The stark opener of “Churchyard” finds AURORA’s sincere vocal layered over one another and doused in reverb as a solemn strings section soothes in with a morbid twang as she questions the fine balance between life and love. You can almost see the arms flailing theatrics of similarly environmental leaning, Kate Bush against the beat.

Indeed, AURORA isn’t the first artist looking to heal the world with their humanitarian ideals. Pop’s biggest ally, Cher donated more than 180,000 bottles of water to Flint, Michigan, in the middle of the city's clean-water crisis. Grammy Award-winning, Rihanna was named Harvard Humanitarian of the Year back in 2017 for her philanthropic efforts after funding the build of a state-of-the-art centre for oncology and nuclear medicine to diagnose and treat breast cancer in her home nation of Barbados. Infections of A Different Kind stands united with Mother Earth almost as a vocal shining a floodlight on the dire situation we’ve left her in.

At this point, playing with the tousled strands of her hair, AURORA is whisked off for another meeting and disappears into the trees of Holland Park, much like the Huldra into the Norwegian forest. Just from spending an hour with her, it’s clear how much the Norwegian songwriter cherishes real connections with the people she meets and is keen to create a shared space where we can all co-exist together; new technologies alongside sustainable ecosystems. Without national treasure, David Attenborough preaching about the plastics in our oceans, it’s sometimes easy for us to cut out the stark realities of climate change. But high up in those Norwegian mountains, with her ear to the wind, AURORA hears it all and is ready to lead.

Forget Princess Mononoke, AURORA is our modern day pop royalty.

Infections of A Different Kind is out now on Decca Records.

[k1ngj0ve]

Okay so here it's time for my Outlast Theory:

So in the first game we are told that the nazi scientists (1940s, ish) were doing experiments on despairing people that had seen the worst of humanity and despaired for it, and the end result was physical, visible manifestations of SOMETHING that the scientists thought were spirits. Wernicke says they believed they had discovered something supernatural, but he alone scoffs at the idea.

In 1966 Sullivan Knoth sees a vision that leads him to start a cult in New Mexico that is shut down SUPER FAST. He climbs to the top of a Mountain and somethign commands him to sacrifice his eye for ‘true sight’. He does so and is given a vision of a place in Arizona where they will be free of ‘persecution’ and in 1969 him and now 100+ followers caravan out and build a town deep in the very remote mountains. They spend years building a secret village there, presumably complete in 1975. They manage to be crazy secret people worshipping a many eyed beast that heralds the end times for about 30 years so one could say that the image he was given of a safe place to have his cult was true.

No date is given, i think, but one can assume that the murkoff broadcasting towers must be a recent addition, only put up in the last 10 years or so.

The murkoff broadcasting towers are literally just big towers that project a noise and sound that drive people insane. That's it. Murkoff, somehow, located a small group of end-time worshippers and thought ‘lets make them crazier’. You find like 1 note from a murkoff employee near the lake that more or less just says that “yep, the people are going extra crazy, mission accomplished”. 

While most of the cult are still worshipping the terrifying many-eyed vision from their leader who sent them here and calling it an angel, a decent number of the group (who were born here and know nothing else) start being sure that they should be worshipping a demon or devil instead and splinter off to go Deeper Into The Mountain and away from the madness broadcasts of the surface to worship demons or devils.

Around this same time, it looks like, sometimes within the last 10 years, Murkoff has set up Mount Massive, atop a Mountain where they start driving everyone crazy and injecting them with ‘science juice’ that's supposed to make ‘science’ with their proteins which will let them ‘science’ some nanomachines because Science+Crazy=?????=PROFit??   Its makes no sense and im sorry, it's never explained either. The engine machine is huge and modern looking and somehow only works on crazy people and so they drive people crazy so they can make an evil ghost which, when manifesting, murders everyone???? This makes no science sense and you know it! Were crazy people intended to pilot a murder ghost on the front lines of war or something?? NO ONE KNOWS!

But! Apparently not driven by the researchers, the patients themselves began to worship a ‘spirit in the mountain’, of which they ALL know the name, despite it hardly sounding like a scientific project name, it seems like a name it already might have had. They perform sacrifices, they write on the walls independently of one another, even the fairly lucid Twins partake in this, overseeing the priest self immolation which he himself refers to as an act done in order to make the Walrider fully formed. Hope seems to know the names of other patients in the facility, to be able to predict what they will do when they are let loose (calling trager ‘doctor trager’ even though he was a finance head when he was free and only thought himself a doctor after the riot).

Wernicke himself was sending out notes to the staff telling them both NOT to worship the walrider but ALSO that the walrider was somethign more than a human can comprehend, implying it had a mind of its own that had nothing to do with programming or software.

When you see Blaire he hasnt run away and is instead guarding the door with his life. He says ‘this cant get out’ and that SOUNDS like business talk, like what happened must be kept secret here, but i think he meant that the WALRIDER must be kept contained, stuck on his mountain, or he may well bring about the end times the temple gate cult had always been waiting on. Outlast 1 and Outlast 2 happen at roughly the same time, within a few months of one another at MOST, so it wouldnt be 100% outlandish to say that the release of the walrider could have been the end times they were waiting on.

When Billy Hope is killed the spirit of the walrider goes directly into Miles, sitting inside him, and apparently resurrecting him when murkoff security guns him down. Wernicke refers to you as the host. at the end of whistleblower you see miles as walrider kill blaire. you see a humanoid shape of black mist walk out the doors, no longer contained. the comics tell you that the form that now has the consciousness of hope AND miles and clearly somethign else as well reforms to somethign recognizably human when it visits Hopes mother, hiding with her for days or weeks. Murkoff waits for proof of the walrider before ‘killing it’, the narrater who does not know what any of this is refers to it as ‘top secret dust, apparently nanobytes’ but hes no scientist himself and is the only one to notice the massive spiral of hive-minded ants moving in huge formations around the spot. 

They still have the consciousness of Miles and are protecting is house, and even seek out the Temple Gate Village where they destroy the murkoff broadcasting spires.

Im pretty fuckign sure Murkoff was *lying* about their experiments. The nanobots were a cover, because if you tell the hundreds of doctors and scientists they had working there “we are summoning mountain demons with endless suffering fear pain and sacrifice kinda just for the hell of it” they would politely turn you down, no matter how much money you offered. but if you tell them “we are doing unethical experimentation to create a weird science thing for the military” then a steady paycheck will keep them minding their own business. 

THAT'S why the temple gate people ONLY had the crazy spires, driving them more and more insane as they were born and died deep in the clutches of some mountain demons territory. Murkoff wanted their madness suffering and pain to try and call up their demonic patron. Probably at least one of the broadcast towers would have done something to stop the demons influence, too, and murkoff likely had a fleet at the ready to capture anything that was summoned.

((worth noting that Val probably escaped Temple Gate from the looks of it))

Probably the only character we’ve ever seen ingame that was high enough clearance to actually know what was going on was Blaire and he’s very, very dead.

And Miles who is still around, everywhere, and probably knows whats happening to him by now

TLDR: Its demons. the demon in the mountain is real. temple gate was worshipping demons. the walrider is a demon. Murkoff likes demons and lied about the nanotech because demon summoning via human suffering is a hard thing to organize and maintain in large numbers

[kemata-jellyfishlace]

Ex. Exploration Basheil & Alouna

Kematas: Basheil/Bash or “He/Him” Alouna or “Her/She” Location: ??? Activity: Exploration Word Count: 1,023

Basheil’s vision flickered from black to red and back to the familiar black once more.

Black to red and eyes finding the strength to open just a bit to filter in white at first. Hissing the massive brute jumped to all fours shaking his heavy dome free of shells, debris, and random creatures. There was even seaweed dangling from one of his horns that took a bit of convincing to free it’s grasp. With the frothy sea water lapping at his ankles, it all came back to him. As the water receded, it coaxed him into faint familiarization to the situation.

He boarded a boat at dawn and road the waves till night when the whole crew partied and danced around under the influence of alcohol and intoxicating vibes. He had fallen asleep and woken briefly to water engulfing him and the whole ship just caving in and well.... here we are.

Basheil finally got his bearings, shaking once more as he walked from the ebbing tide. To his rear the endless sky line clashing into the sea, to his front, white sandy beaches leading towards tropical forests and high mountains. The way the clouds were forming it almost looked as if a storm was a brewing out in the ocean, probably was fate that he landed on this shore when he did rather it was a tragic case or not. Speaking of which where was the rest of the crew he was traveling with? They couldn’t have all..... no. No way. Growling he refused to have lost anyone to the blood thirsty depths, rather they were all annoying or not.

Alabaster fur almost melted perfectly into the sand while the gold trailing his spine and onto his tail as well as the flecks and his horns all shimmered in the sun. That’s probably why the ladies gravitate to him; rather he wants anything to do with them or not, they they start drinking and his body well... shimmers it makes their hearts flutter like little school kems back in middle classes. Smirking thinking about ladies his gait was slow at first trying to master walking in the tricky substance called sand, but it picked up quickly as he saw wooden plants half buried in the white grit leading up to a clean walkway on a dark oak bridge. Okay this meant other Kematas, right? Yes obviously this meant others, there were also wet splotches that smudge off near where the trees engulf the pathway. Clearly this was a sign that other’s had made it too.

She was nosing about on the beach collecting up some seashells and any coral pieces that happened to of ashed up from the storm last night. She heard about the wreck of course and how silly were those Kematas to go on a boat of all choices in the middle of a storm with no proper captain. Tourists. The little legged thing scuttled about with her little companion waddling and hopping after her. Happy with their findings the pair dust everything off as best as possible front the sand at the foot of the stairs before heading up the grueling flight of sandy hot dark wood stairs. " Nappa, they don't make this easy for us short gals do they? " Brightly colored Kem huffed and readied herself, she leaped as high as she could and barely cleared the first step with all her knick nacks in her satchel. There were not that many left to go they could do this!

Okay maybe it took the duo a little over twenty minutes to clear the stairs... but hey! they did it! And barely broke a sweat! Alouna cried out and in an over exaggerated move she used her little stubby arm to slap herself across the forehead and eyes and wipe away imaginary sweat. Nappa without fail tried her hardest to copy her owner and just wiggled around and flung a few snow cone droplets everywhere. Ants were eager as always to run to them which made both of them get up and get back on the move. " Look Nappy some shade under the tree, we can drink some water there! " though exhausted, they hastily shambled over to the sparing shade.

Slapping of wet pads against the wood startled the two and they both shot up, the Kemata almost choking on the last of her cold water. Coming up the walkway was a ginormous sized Kemata, he was like a godzilla among kematas, the little thing wondered if he was what they called a behemoth. His fur looked absolutely destroyed by the salt from the sea, he wrecked and could be smelt as soon as you heard him and his face ugh, what was with his attitude of a face? I mean if I had hair like that I guess i'd be a bit pissed too.

Basheil come up to what looked like a newborn Kemata and squinted down at it and it's .. moving ... drink? he must be out of his mind still. He shook his head and cleared his eyes and yup they were still there. Wonderful. He grumbled to himself before clearing his extremely parched throat. " W-..... WHERE . ahem.. where am I. " Big bug eyes stared up at him in amazement or maybe fear? He couldn't pick up but he was growing ever more annoyed waiting and the sandpaper grinding in his throat made everything worse. A huge paw was raised in the air above her head and two of the fingers came together. In a quick and swift motion a noise was created by applying pressure and release.

The snap woke up her from her deer in headlights mode and the little kemata shook her head. " Yes hello! Welcome to the island! You must be new, there's no way I grew up on this island with you and not ran across you. Nope no way. Anyways my name is Alouna and this here is Nappa! She's sweet but please dont eat her or... me for that matter. Welcome again and this place is called --. "

[munawarrworld-blog]

How to learn data science with mobile phone?

Nowadays, data science and machine learning are changing the world. Here’s your opportunity to experience your enthusiasm. To create yourself better at what you do, you never again need to stick around your laptop for a long time. Enjoy a reprieve and change to a quicker method for learning. Change to Mobile Apps. Do you know you can run python in your Smartphone, You heard right? Mobile applications have added massive favor to our methods for learning. The subjects which were viewed as hard to comprehend are currently shown utilizing pictures and stories in your smartphones/tablets. You can use it at anyplace, regardless of whether you are on a bus, car, train or anyplace else. All you require is a headphone to connect.

In this article, I’ve shared some helpful applications which can enhance your important data science/analytical skills. These applications can enhance your listening, logical, decision making, mathematical, statistical skills and more. They are considerably more incredible than one could imagine.

We have gathered these versatile applications in different classifications, we all know about weakness, so this blog would help you with focusing on the sweet spots. These Android applications are available at Google play store free of cost.

Math Tricks (Downloads – 10+million, Rating – 4.5)

This application is for cutting edge users. I’d recommend this application for each one trying to become a data scientist. You should be keen on math. Here you’ll discover helpful tricks for accelerating numerical calculations. It consists of tricks for a square number, percentage, division, addition, exponent and more. For each trick, it has 15 levels. You can likewise contend with your companions in multiplayer mode. Your statistics performance also tracked.

Math Workout (Downloads – 5+ million, Rating – 4.2)

Do you like to become great with numbers? This application would assist you with that. You should now feel good doing numerical calculations of any kind. This skill helps a great deal in all phases of lives. To put it plainly, you should build up your math abilities. Train your mind with the goal that it can do a numerical calculation on fingertips. This is a beginner application. It has different methods to help you get mathematical intuition.

QPython (Downloads – 500k, Rating – 4.2)

QPython gives accesses you to run python on your Smartphone. It helps your android gadgets to run python contents and assignments. It is best to perfect on python 2.7 and it is a highly rated application. It contains Python interceptor, editor and the SL4A Library for Android. It also fuses profitable python libraries. It can execute python code and reports from QR codes.

Learn Python (Downloads – 1 million, Rating- 4.8)

You never again require your machines to learn Python. Here’s a python instructional tutorial for your Android Smartphone. This instructional tutorial covers the fundamentals in python, data types, control structures modules etc. For enhanced learning knowledge, this instructional exercise incorporates true-false, disordered riddles and question-answers. It’s an unfathomable beginning stage for individuals inspired by python.

R Programming (Downloads – 5k, Rating- 4.2)

Same as Python, you can learn R too on your Android gadget. This application familiarizes you with essentials of R Programming. Think about it as a little form of spin in R. This application is most appropriate for beginners. It includes Vectors, Functions, Matrices, Factors, Data Frames, Lists etc.

Basic Statistics (Downloads – 50k+, Rating- 4.3)

This application is for fresher ’s in data science/analytics. Think about this application as a lift on various factual estimates, for example, graphs and frequency distribution, data description, hypothesis testing and more. On the off chance that you are preparing to take a test, this can be an ideal guide for you.

Probability Distributions (Downloads – 100k+, Rating- 4.7)

In the wake of gaining the essentials of statistics, this application would be the following best advance to take. This application empowers you to confront refined capacities in your android devices. You ought to be acquainted with familiar probability distribution like binomials.

You should have all around perused sites to attempt a few data science/analytics course. A great deal of you wouldn’t realize that you can proceed with your learning on your android gadgets too. The following are some helpful applications of mainstream open courses:-

Udacity (Downloads – 1 million+, Rating – 4.3)

Udacity offers an extensive variety of courses. Presently, you never again need to sit tight for PC availability. You are incredible on the off chance that you have an Android gadget. You can essentially embrace and finish courses on your mobile too. There is no difference in learning on their website site versus application. Their application’s UI is decent and user-friendly.

Coursera (Downloads – 5 million, Rating – 4.4)

A huge number of students are procuring new skills from Coursera. To enhance their learning background, course additionally ensured their Android presence. Using this application, you can get timely notifications in your Android gadget. With this application, you can learn everywhere, ant time without waiting for the best time to think about to study. You would discover all kind of features which course has empowered on their site.

Join Us

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[roypstickney]

The Sneaky Tactic Ecommerce Brands Use to Attract More Customers

Have you ever seen that video of the kid trying to collect water in a wire bucket?

It’s pretty hilarious:

Problem is, it’s also painfully reminiscent of a lot of marketers’ strategy.

Sure, they’re working hard and hustling. But the processes, funnels, and journeys they use create more leaks than that kid’s bucket. And when each leak is losing you thousands in potential revenue, it’s something that needs your attention.

Check most funnel visualizations and you’ll see something similar to the example below: a massive loss of customers at every stage.

A pretty standard example of a funnel (via ConversionXL)

In the above example, a grand total of 1.66% of users completed a reservation.

This isn’t a standalone case either. Leaky funnels like this one are everywhere, and most marketers aren’t doing enough to fix them.

One of the major problems is that people are too aggressive with their funnels. They’re pushing the wrong product at the wrong time—to the right people.

Fortunately, there’s an easy fix, which comes down to attracting people with low threat sales before up-selling them to your main money-making products.

I’m going to run you through a sneaky little tactic that big brands—like Marvel and Ben and Jerry’s—use to drastically increase their conversion rates. And then we’re going to look at how you can leverage the success of those initial sales to fill your upsell funnel and double down on your success.

Social Commerce Streamlines the Buyer’s Journey

Social media has quickly become one of the best ways to engage and attract new customers. But you’ve got to ask yourself, why are people on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter to begin with?

Most of the time, if we’re being honest, it’s to waste time or avoid boredom. People check out what their friends and colleagues are saying. They lose themselves watching funny videos of dogs, or maybe to get ideas for new workouts.

Very rarely do people head to social just to shop, which is why the average conversion rate is so low compared to other referral sources:

Data based on $1 billion in sales over Black Friday and Cyber Monday 2017 (via Smart Insights)

Social media users have low purchase intent. They’re looking for a distraction, not a new widget. Sure, you might pique their interest with a well-optimized social media post, but that desire wanes with every step they take:

This is a highly unscientific graph based on the general trends we’ve seen with users of jumper. This one is just for illustrative purposes only.

To increase conversions, you’ve got to push for the sale while purchase desire is high. And the best way to do this is to remove unnecessary steps.

How?

With a two-step checkout that takes users immediately from seeing something they want to actually buying it. This is what social commerce allows you to do.

Social commerce allows brands to sell products directly through their social media channels. It turns the posts and ads you’re already running into automated checkouts so your users can buy your products directly from their Facebook feed, your Instagram stories, or your latest tweets. A person engages with a post of a product they want, and then they’re then able to buy it through an automated chat.

Social commerce has helped brands like Marvel, who implemented the strategy when promoting Infinity War and Ant-Man and the Wasp, achieve a 58% conversion rate.

For instance, Marvel added an automated checkout bot to posts on their social channels. The posts would include something like: “comment #Ant-Man below to buy your tickets!”. And when someone commented, an automated chatbot like the one below would kick in to help users find the cinema and showtime that best fit.

Below is the actual sequence used for Ant-Man and the Wasp in Singapore:

Allowing users to purchase tickets directly within the social network they were actively engaged with is a sure fire way to increase your sales and conversions.

The above Marvel campaign is proof of the concept as the simple social commerce strategy helped them achieve the below:

It allowed Marvel to achieve a 58% conversion rate in a single campaign, rising to 68% when retargeting was taken into account.

It also generated 18X as many comments as the next best campaign which massively increased reach.

It’s one of the best ways for brands to increase their sales. And honestly, I think it’s going to play an increasingly important role in the coming years.

But here’s the thing. It’s far from perfect…

Social Commerce Is Not a Replacement for All Marketing

The stats above make social commerce seem almost too good to be true, right?

I’m a huge proponent of social commerce. I can count more than one client over the years who operate solely in this space. But I’m not going to say it’s the perfect solution for every brand out there.

It’s the perfect solution for low-cost impulse buys like cinema tickets or ice cream. But it’s not a great solution for high ticket items.

If you’re selling $10,000 TVs, for example, then it’s not going to be a good solution for you. How many people spend that much on an impulse? How many people are scrolling through their social feeds, see a $10k item and say “go on then, I’ll treat myself.” (Very few, if any at all.)

If you check the average order value for social commerce, in fact, they all fall below $100 (most below $50):

Widely shared data about the average order value from social (via Big Commerce)

People don’t intend to shop on social, so they’re not going to spend vast amounts of cash.

Don’t despair if you are selling high ticket items, though. I’m going to run you through a couple of ideas that will help you turn the customers you attract through those low-cost impulse buys into repeat customers.

EDITOR’S NOTE. Interested in capitalizing on social media as a source of inbound traffic? You can read through Unbounce’s library of social media learning here.

Using Social Commerce For High-Ticket Sales

To get your social commerce high-ticket funnel up and running you’re going to need a few things:

A low price product that’s related to the high ticket item (more on this soon)

A social commerce solution (like jumper)

Some way to collect, store, and segment contact details (a good CRM)

A reengagement channel (email with landing pages from Unbounce)

If you’ve got all of these then you’re ready to continue.

The long and short of this is you’re going to use social commerce to sell a low-cost product, something that would be a logical impulse buy but is still related to the main product you’re trying to sell.

You then collect the user’s details and add them into a relevant upsell funnel through your email service. And the emails point back to a personalized landing page which sells the high-ticket item most relevant to their initial purchase.

This is what it looks like:

Depending on the price disparity, you can do this in one leap—or take some time to really nurture the user to get them there.

To provide an example, here’s how Ben and Jerry’s moved 5,000 free product samples in three days before upselling paid products:

They didn’t overcomplicate things and kept the whole process super simple.

But I hear what you’re saying: Moving a user from a free product to a $5-10 purchase (for ice cream, no less) isn’t difficult, nor is it representative of your brand’s products.

You’re right. It’s not. But the process is the same.

Let’s imagine you run a store targeting audiophiles and you’re trying to shift a $5,000 sound system. Your social commerce strategy could be shifting a $75 paid or in earbuds that provide superior sound. For those that purchase, you could then upsell those people on a $150 pair of noise-canceling headphones. Then a $500 set of speakers or $1,000 turntable.

With each upsell, you’re not just making more money, but qualifying the user while leading them toward the end goal.

The great thing here is that you’re never going to leave empty-handed. At the very least everyone in this funnel has paid for the $75 earbuds. If you really wanted, you could even sell them the $5,000 system piecemeal.

That’s what social commerce is great at—sorting the wheat from the chaff. You’re not just attracting “audiophiles” or whatever, but “audiophiles who will buy things from you.”

So let’s get into the details of how to set this up for yourself.

Step 1. Product Identification

Before you start looking into how to set up this funnel, you’re going to need to find the right product pairings. For the initial offer you need something that is:

not too expensive (ideally in the ~$50 range)

extremely relevant to the high ticket item you’re pushing

likely to sell well on social (highly visual marketing is a must)

You’ll also need to look at the high ticket item.

A lot of people will pick a low-cost item that’s an accessory to the high ticket item. For example, for an iPhone Xs people would sell something like the case. It’s a great cross-sell, but if someone is buying the case then they already have the phone. So a couple of better options for an iPhone Xs might be:

Cases for an iPhone 6, 7, and 8 (sell the Xs as an upgrade)

A printer for iPhone 7 (promote the Xs on the merit of its superior camera)

You get the idea right.

These kind of items are within the acceptable price range for impulse buys. They also give you an idea of the kind of needs the user has which makes retargeting and upselling much easier. And they’re related to the end product.

Once you’ve figured out your pairings, it’s time to move onto the next step.

Step 2. Set Up Your Social Commerce Campaign

Using a social commerce solution, you can now get your campaign set up.

For instance, if you head to jumper.ai (here comes the shameless plug…) you’ll be able to sign up for a free account.

After filling in all of those business and bank details (so you can get paid!) head to the “add product” menu item on the left. Fill out your product details, pricing, variations, and other relevant information.

Once you’ve done that click “save” and follow the link to the “manage products” page.

Find the product you want to share and click the little tag icon. You’ll be allowed to choose the network you want to share through. Click the one you want and you’ll see a page like the one below:

You can either go with the default text or customize it. Whatever your choice, as soon as you’re ready, hit share to send it out to that social network. Just like that, your social commerce post is live. An automated chatbot will take the user through the purchase process and collect their details and payment.

Step 3. Capture User Contact and Purchase Details

If you’re running your store on something like Shopify or WooCommerce, there are native integrations to carry the user’s information across.

If not, no worries. You can simply set up a Zap to copy the user’s details over to your ESP. I’d recommend copying over their contact details and relevant product information so you can get them into the right funnel.

Then it’s on to the fun upsell stuff.

Step 4. Email Marketing to Nurture Customers

Social commerce is great for those initial contacts and to help with the transactional stuff.

But it’s not great at nurturing relationships.

Most people engage on their mobile (with its small screen) and, thanks to the chat medium, want very short correspondence.

If you’re looking to nurture your users then email is still going to be the best method. After you’ve got the thanks out of the way you’re going to want to start increasing the user’s desire for that higher priced item.

It’s gonna take some testing your part, but I’d recommend starting by helping them get the most out of their current product purchase.

For example, if we look at the iPhone 7 printer above then I’d send emails in the below order:

A short series on the products key features

A short series on how to take better pics with an iPhone 7

Intersperse some news pieces or features of the Xs throughout to put it on their radar

Start with some sales emails that promote the Xs as the ideal solution to the pain points this segment is having

Here’s the thing with this stage: you’re not gonna get it right on your first go. You’re going to have to play around with the content of the emails and the timeline to make users feel comfortable with the price jump.

You could also try things like throwing in an incentive to push the sale:

Just remember that with email marketing value and relevance are key.

Step 5. Create Personalized Landing Pages

Once you get to those sales emails though, you’re going need to send the users somewhere.

Let’s say you’re pushing the iPhone Xs. And let’s imagine that you’ve got three buckets of users who opt-in to your lower-priced lead gen products:

First Bucket: Shutterbugs

Second Bucket: Audiophiles

Third Bucket: Annoying people who boast about having the latest iPhone

You could create separate landing pages for each and every group. It wouldn’t be a bad way to go, but it’ll also take a ton of time. And the more bucket segments you have, the more difficult completing this task becomes.

This is where Unbounce’s Dynamic Text Replacement (DTR) will help out. Dynamic Text Replacement allows you to edit certain elements of a landing page to be more relevant to the prospect.

For example, switch the headline so users who come from link A see variant A and those from link B see variant B:

DTR allows you to change key elements without creating new pages (via KlientBoost)

It’s an easy way to increase the relevancy of your landing pages.

In the iPhone example, you could create one general landing page that details the major benefits of the phone, but then switch key elements to appeal to each demographic. It cuts down on your time so you can roll out more campaigns, but it keeps the relevancy high and the messaging in line with your sales angle.

EDITOR’S NOTE. Dynamic Text Replacement can also be used with search keywords to enhance message match in your PPC campaigns. You can read about applying DTR to your Unbounce landing pages here.

A Sneaky Bonus to Further Grow Conversions

You’ve read 2403 of my words. And that deserves praise because, well, they’re words from some guy in his home office. I like you.

So, to offer a little thanks, I’m gonna let you in on a secret. (Don’t tell anyone this I shared though. It’s only for the determined readers like you.)

The customers who work their way through this funnel were initially engaged by a social checkout. Offering the same method of checking out on the landing page should make it easier for these users to convert because:

It’s a method they’re comfortable engaging with.

They have experience in chat led conversions.

The tool should remember their details so they can check out in a few clicks.

It’s something you can easily achieve through a handy chat bubble that triggers when the user clicks the buy now button.

Overload the Top of Your Funnel with Social Commerce

Social commerce, conversational commerce, and chatbots are the three current hot topics in digital marketing. A lot of the advice out there will tell you they are the perfect solution to every problem.

But they’re not. While they will help solve a bunch of issues within your business, they’re not ideal for high ticket item sales.

The transactional, conversational solution they provide is incredible for small impulse buys. But if you want to sell something that costs a little more you’ve got to get creative. Merchants and marketers need to understand that social commerce is not a replacement for the channels you’re currently using. It’s an addition to your low-cost product sales and top of funnel strategy.

Understand that, and you’re well on the way to increasing your ecommerce store’s revenue.

[kennethmontiveros]

The Sneaky Tactic Ecommerce Brands Use to Attract More Customers

Have you ever seen that video of the kid trying to collect water in a wire bucket?

It’s pretty hilarious:

Problem is, it’s also painfully reminiscent of a lot of marketers’ strategy.

Sure, they’re working hard and hustling. But the processes, funnels, and journeys they use create more leaks than that kid’s bucket. And when each leak is losing you thousands in potential revenue, it’s something that needs your attention.

Check most funnel visualizations and you’ll see something similar to the example below: a massive loss of customers at every stage.

A pretty standard example of a funnel (via ConversionXL)

In the above example, a grand total of 1.66% of users completed a reservation.

This isn’t a standalone case either. Leaky funnels like this one are everywhere, and most marketers aren’t doing enough to fix them.

One of the major problems is that people are too aggressive with their funnels. They’re pushing the wrong product at the wrong time—to the right people.

Fortunately, there’s an easy fix, which comes down to attracting people with low threat sales before up-selling them to your main money-making products.

I’m going to run you through a sneaky little tactic that big brands—like Marvel and Ben and Jerry’s—use to drastically increase their conversion rates. And then we’re going to look at how you can leverage the success of those initial sales to fill your upsell funnel and double down on your success.

Social Commerce Streamlines the Buyer’s Journey

Social media has quickly become one of the best ways to engage and attract new customers. But you’ve got to ask yourself, why are people on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter to begin with?

Most of the time, if we’re being honest, it’s to waste time or avoid boredom. People check out what their friends and colleagues are saying. They lose themselves watching funny videos of dogs, or maybe to get ideas for new workouts.

Very rarely do people head to social just to shop, which is why the average conversion rate is so low compared to other referral sources:

Data based on $1 billion in sales over Black Friday and Cyber Monday 2017 (via Smart Insights)

Social media users have low purchase intent. They’re looking for a distraction, not a new widget. Sure, you might pique their interest with a well-optimized social media post, but that desire wanes with every step they take:

This is a highly unscientific graph based on the general trends we’ve seen with users of jumper. This one is just for illustrative purposes only.

To increase conversions, you’ve got to push for the sale while purchase desire is high. And the best way to do this is to remove unnecessary steps.

How?

With a two-step checkout that takes users immediately from seeing something they want to actually buying it. This is what social commerce allows you to do.

Social commerce allows brands to sell products directly through their social media channels. It turns the posts and ads you’re already running into automated checkouts so your users can buy your products directly from their Facebook feed, your Instagram stories, or your latest tweets. A person engages with a post of a product they want, and then they’re then able to buy it through an automated chat.

Social commerce has helped brands like Marvel, who implemented the strategy when promoting Infinity War and Ant-Man and the Wasp, achieve a 58% conversion rate.

For instance, Marvel added an automated checkout bot to posts on their social channels. The posts would include something like: “comment #Ant-Man below to buy your tickets!”. And when someone commented, an automated chatbot like the one below would kick in to help users find the cinema and showtime that best fit.

Below is the actual sequence used for Ant-Man and the Wasp in Singapore:

Allowing users to purchase tickets directly within the social network they were actively engaged with is a sure fire way to increase your sales and conversions.

The above Marvel campaign is proof of the concept as the simple social commerce strategy helped them achieve the below:

It allowed Marvel to achieve a 58% conversion rate in a single campaign, rising to 68% when retargeting was taken into account.

It also generated 18X as many comments as the next best campaign which massively increased reach.

It’s one of the best ways for brands to increase their sales. And honestly, I think it’s going to play an increasingly important role in the coming years.

But here’s the thing. It’s far from perfect…

Social Commerce Is Not a Replacement for All Marketing

The stats above make social commerce seem almost too good to be true, right?

I’m a huge proponent of social commerce. I can count more than one client over the years who operate solely in this space. But I’m not going to say it’s the perfect solution for every brand out there.

It’s the perfect solution for low-cost impulse buys like cinema tickets or ice cream. But it’s not a great solution for high ticket items.

If you’re selling $10,000 TVs, for example, then it’s not going to be a good solution for you. How many people spend that much on an impulse? How many people are scrolling through their social feeds, see a $10k item and say “go on then, I’ll treat myself.” (Very few, if any at all.)

If you check the average order value for social commerce, in fact, they all fall below $100 (most below $50):

Widely shared data about the average order value from social (via Big Commerce)

People don’t intend to shop on social, so they’re not going to spend vast amounts of cash.

Don’t despair if you are selling high ticket items, though. I’m going to run you through a couple of ideas that will help you turn the customers you attract through those low-cost impulse buys into repeat customers.

EDITOR’S NOTE. Interested in capitalizing on social media as a source of inbound traffic? You can read through Unbounce’s library of social media learning here.

Using Social Commerce For High-Ticket Sales

To get your social commerce high-ticket funnel up and running you’re going to need a few things:

A low price product that’s related to the high ticket item (more on this soon)

A social commerce solution (like jumper)

Some way to collect, store, and segment contact details (a good CRM)

A reengagement channel (email with landing pages from Unbounce)

If you’ve got all of these then you’re ready to continue.

The long and short of this is you’re going to use social commerce to sell a low-cost product, something that would be a logical impulse buy but is still related to the main product you’re trying to sell.

You then collect the user’s details and add them into a relevant upsell funnel through your email service. And the emails point back to a personalized landing page which sells the high-ticket item most relevant to their initial purchase.

This is what it looks like:

Depending on the price disparity, you can do this in one leap—or take some time to really nurture the user to get them there.

To provide an example, here’s how Ben and Jerry’s moved 5,000 free product samples in three days before upselling paid products:

They didn’t overcomplicate things and kept the whole process super simple.

But I hear what you’re saying: Moving a user from a free product to a $5-10 purchase (for ice cream, no less) isn’t difficult, nor is it representative of your brand’s products.

You’re right. It’s not. But the process is the same.

Let’s imagine you run a store targeting audiophiles and you’re trying to shift a $5,000 sound system. Your social commerce strategy could be shifting a $75 paid or in earbuds that provide superior sound. For those that purchase, you could then upsell those people on a $150 pair of noise-canceling headphones. Then a $500 set of speakers or $1,000 turntable.

With each upsell, you’re not just making more money, but qualifying the user while leading them toward the end goal.

The great thing here is that you’re never going to leave empty-handed. At the very least everyone in this funnel has paid for the $75 earbuds. If you really wanted, you could even sell them the $5,000 system piecemeal.

That’s what social commerce is great at—sorting the wheat from the chaff. You’re not just attracting “audiophiles” or whatever, but “audiophiles who will buy things from you.”

So let’s get into the details of how to set this up for yourself.

Step 1. Product Identification

Before you start looking into how to set up this funnel, you’re going to need to find the right product pairings. For the initial offer you need something that is:

not too expensive (ideally in the ~$50 range)

extremely relevant to the high ticket item you’re pushing

likely to sell well on social (highly visual marketing is a must)

You’ll also need to look at the high ticket item.

A lot of people will pick a low-cost item that’s an accessory to the high ticket item. For example, for an iPhone Xs people would sell something like the case. It’s a great cross-sell, but if someone is buying the case then they already have the phone. So a couple of better options for an iPhone Xs might be:

Cases for an iPhone 6, 7, and 8 (sell the Xs as an upgrade)

A printer for iPhone 7 (promote the Xs on the merit of its superior camera)

You get the idea right.

These kind of items are within the acceptable price range for impulse buys. They also give you an idea of the kind of needs the user has which makes retargeting and upselling much easier. And they’re related to the end product.

Once you’ve figured out your pairings, it’s time to move onto the next step.

Step 2. Set Up Your Social Commerce Campaign

Using a social commerce solution, you can now get your campaign set up.

For instance, if you head to jumper.ai (here comes the shameless plug…) you’ll be able to sign up for a free account.

After filling in all of those business and bank details (so you can get paid!) head to the “add product” menu item on the left. Fill out your product details, pricing, variations, and other relevant information.

Once you’ve done that click “save” and follow the link to the “manage products” page.

Find the product you want to share and click the little tag icon. You’ll be allowed to choose the network you want to share through. Click the one you want and you’ll see a page like the one below:

You can either go with the default text or customize it. Whatever your choice, as soon as you’re ready, hit share to send it out to that social network. Just like that, your social commerce post is live. An automated chatbot will take the user through the purchase process and collect their details and payment.

Step 3. Capture User Contact and Purchase Details

If you’re running your store on something like Shopify or WooCommerce, there are native integrations to carry the user’s information across.

If not, no worries. You can simply set up a Zap to copy the user’s details over to your ESP. I’d recommend copying over their contact details and relevant product information so you can get them into the right funnel.

Then it’s on to the fun upsell stuff.

Step 4. Email Marketing to Nurture Customers

Social commerce is great for those initial contacts and to help with the transactional stuff.

But it’s not great at nurturing relationships.

Most people engage on their mobile (with its small screen) and, thanks to the chat medium, want very short correspondence.

If you’re looking to nurture your users then email is still going to be the best method. After you’ve got the thanks out of the way you’re going to want to start increasing the user’s desire for that higher priced item.

It’s gonna take some testing your part, but I’d recommend starting by helping them get the most out of their current product purchase.

For example, if we look at the iPhone 7 printer above then I’d send emails in the below order:

A short series on the products key features

A short series on how to take better pics with an iPhone 7

Intersperse some news pieces or features of the Xs throughout to put it on their radar

Start with some sales emails that promote the Xs as the ideal solution to the pain points this segment is having

Here’s the thing with this stage: you’re not gonna get it right on your first go. You’re going to have to play around with the content of the emails and the timeline to make users feel comfortable with the price jump.

You could also try things like throwing in an incentive to push the sale:

Just remember that with email marketing value and relevance are key.

Step 5. Create Personalized Landing Pages

Once you get to those sales emails though, you’re going need to send the users somewhere.

Let’s say you’re pushing the iPhone Xs. And let’s imagine that you’ve got three buckets of users who opt-in to your lower-priced lead gen products:

First Bucket: Shutterbugs

Second Bucket: Audiophiles

Third Bucket: Annoying people who boast about having the latest iPhone

You could create separate landing pages for each and every group. It wouldn’t be a bad way to go, but it’ll also take a ton of time. And the more bucket segments you have, the more difficult completing this task becomes.

This is where Unbounce’s Dynamic Text Replacement (DTR) will help out. Dynamic Text Replacement allows you to edit certain elements of a landing page to be more relevant to the prospect.

For example, switch the headline so users who come from link A see variant A and those from link B see variant B:

DTR allows you to change key elements without creating new pages (via KlientBoost)

It’s an easy way to increase the relevancy of your landing pages.

In the iPhone example, you could create one general landing page that details the major benefits of the phone, but then switch key elements to appeal to each demographic. It cuts down on your time so you can roll out more campaigns, but it keeps the relevancy high and the messaging in line with your sales angle.

EDITOR’S NOTE. Dynamic Text Replacement can also be used with search keywords to enhance message match in your PPC campaigns. You can read about applying DTR to your Unbounce landing pages here.

A Sneaky Bonus to Further Grow Conversions

You’ve read 2403 of my words. And that deserves praise because, well, they’re words from some guy in his home office. I like you.

So, to offer a little thanks, I’m gonna let you in on a secret. (Don’t tell anyone this I shared though. It’s only for the determined readers like you.)

The customers who work their way through this funnel were initially engaged by a social checkout. Offering the same method of checking out on the landing page should make it easier for these users to convert because:

It’s a method they’re comfortable engaging with.

They have experience in chat led conversions.

The tool should remember their details so they can check out in a few clicks.

It’s something you can easily achieve through a handy chat bubble that triggers when the user clicks the buy now button.

Overload the Top of Your Funnel with Social Commerce

Social commerce, conversational commerce, and chatbots are the three current hot topics in digital marketing. A lot of the advice out there will tell you they are the perfect solution to every problem.

But they’re not. While they will help solve a bunch of issues within your business, they’re not ideal for high ticket item sales.

The transactional, conversational solution they provide is incredible for small impulse buys. But if you want to sell something that costs a little more you’ve got to get creative. Merchants and marketers need to understand that social commerce is not a replacement for the channels you’re currently using. It’s an addition to your low-cost product sales and top of funnel strategy.

Understand that, and you’re well on the way to increasing your ecommerce store’s revenue.

The Sneaky Tactic Ecommerce Brands Use to Attract More Customers published first on http://nickpontemktg.blogspot.com/