#AND EMILY AND DAVID'S DANCE

[starchaser45]

Look at Reid's stun double cause mgg dislocated his knee and they had to explain it some how 😭😭😭

[insidethejeffersonian]

[figureskatingcostumes]

Charlène Guignard and Marco Fabbri's free dance costumes at the 2024 World Championships, 2024 European Championships, 2023 Grand Prix de France and 2023 Grand Prix Final.

They skated to quite the medley of soundtracks: Emily, The Crimson Wing, The Theory of Everything and The Dressmaker.

In the last few seconds of their performance at Worlds, Guignard's skirt got caught in her blade and I watched on the edge of my perch, willing them to make a way through the pickle. And they did! But there's no denying her costume turned traitor that night.

(Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5)

[avis-writeshq]

05 — enchanted

summary: “please don’t be in love with someone else”/“please don’t have somebody waiting on you.”  pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: best friends to lovers, mutual pining, fluff, slow burn, no use of (Y/N) warnings: alcohol (reader gets drunk lmfao), jealousy, slight miscommunication, austin (aka: bartender girl from s4), special mention to special people wc: 4.9k a/n: everyone say thank you @astrophileous for beta-reading MWAH ilyvm zara <33 SPARKS FLY MASTERLIST // MAIN MASTERLIST

Although you haven’t been a part of the BAU for more than one year, it didn’t stop you from maintaining the connections that you had in all your years of working there. Sure, the scheduling times could be better, but that didn’t stop the team from spending their rare day off to spend time with you. After all, the adjustment of seeing you every day to once in a blue moon was a difficult one to make. 

O’Keefe’s has been the main victim of the team’s shenanigans, its doors open for the seven members of law enforcement, all eager to get their hands on some well earned rest and relaxation. Drinks are passed around the booth and you can’t help but laugh as you watch Derek get his ‘groove thang on’ with a few girls in the bar. Today is one of the rare occasions when the team didn’t have a case, an even rarer day when the team didn’t have to take on any new or incoming cases. 

“How’s life treating you?” Emily asks cheerfully, sipping at her strawberry daiquiri. You gather that tonight is one of those nights.

You smile, sipping at your own beverage of choice. “Good! Way less stressful than working at the BAU, that’s for sure. And the hours are good, too.”

JJ snorts from beside you. “Yeah, well, can’t say I’m not jealous. How’re the kids?”

“I can’t say much because of confidentiality and all that, but they’re doing well. A lot better, thank goodness but it just goes to show the aftermath of the things that you guys deal with. I mean, I still think about all the victims we’ve helped and it sucks that we can’t do anything to help them further.” You finish your tangent with a long sip of your drink before leaning back against the booth. “Anyway, how are you guys?”

Penelope comes shuffling past carrying a series of cocktails, her absolutely monstrous platform heels not aiding her in her slightly tipsy task. “Do not even get me started on work. No work! None! We’re having a fun day. Ergo, no work talk.”

You laugh in response, moving to the side to allow her room to sit in the booth. “No, Penny, you’re right. No work talk.”

The drinks are dispersed and your gaze shifts to where Spencer is standing, laughing awkwardly as he tries to follow along to Derek’s dancing and socialising. He looks incredibly out of place in his brown argyle sweater vest, navy tie and freshly pressed slacks, and he pulls at the collar of his shirt. 

“Nah, Spencer could definitely be a ladies’ man if he plays his cards right. And I mean that literally,” Emily says, bringing you out of your daydream.

Your head snaps in her direction, trying to calm your facial features and microexpressions. Regardless of your attempts, after a year of not practising, you don’t do as well as you hope. “What?”

JJ grins at you, her eyes lighting up knowingly. “We’re just talking about who’s the biggest hotshot in the BAU.”

“Wouldn’t that be David?” You ask meekly, your finger swirling along the edge of your glass. You had met David Rossi on occasion, once by accident when you were having a night out with the girls and the other during a proper introduction two weeks later. “Didn’t he have, like, five wives?”

“I had three thank you very much,” Rossi intervenes swiftly, holding his glass of whisky on ice. 

“Sorry, my bad,” you respond jokingly, snickering as he shakes his head and stalks over to where Hotch is sitting and drinking his rum. 

Penelope lets out a loud laugh. “I think we’re forgetting the obvious: our very own Chocolate Thunder.”

“Well, fine,” Emily drawls, waving a hand dismissively, “but Spencer has that innocent vibe to him, y’know? The kind of guy women go crazy over.”

JJ clicks her fingers in remembrance. “Didn’t a bunch of prostitutes try to pick him up in that one case?”

“What?” You ask again, albeit a little shrilly as you try to dismiss the surprise in your tone. 

“He didn’t take them,” Emily says quickly in an attempt to ease your discomfort. “But he did pick up a girl a few months ago. Austin?”

Penelope nods at that, putting down her cup. “Oooh, yes! I remember her. He showed me a picture. She’s pretty.”

“I mean, he did pick up Lila too.” JJ reminds the team, shooting you a sly smile. “You remember her, don’t you?”

You force out a laugh and bite the inside of your cheek in the process. “Yeah. Who’s Austin?”

“I think I still have a picture!” Penelope says, brandishing her phone from her coat pocket. She types something in before sliding it in your direction. “Pretty, right?”

Austin is certainly pretty, even in the uncoordinated selfie Penelope shows you of her and Spencer. He’s slightly out of frame, his lips set into a sweet smile while Austin practically glows. Her brilliant green eyes flash in the camera and her dark hair frames her face perfectly. She and Spencer are close in the photo, with him holding the phone clumsily and she has a hand on his arm. 

“Uh huh,” you murmur distractedly, averting your gaze from the photo as an ugly feeling creeps into your chest. “Really pretty.”

Emily looks at you curiously. “You didn’t know about her?”

You shrug in response, the smile on your face insincere. “There are a lot of things I don’t know about Spencer.”

The group exchange a couple glances at your tell-tale body language, watching as you scoot past Penelope and out of the booth, making your way to the bar. You’re all too grateful for a reprieve from the teasing as you order another drink and take a seat, resting your chin on the palm of your hand. Your mind goes through all the interactions you’ve had with Spencer over the years. Were you really that foolish to think that he would feel that way for you? Maybe you were reading too much into it, you try to reason, running your fingers through your once styled hair. Maybe, in some stupid and twisted way, all of Spencer’s interactions were platonic.

You scoff inwardly to yourself. Right. Because picking someone up at two o’clock in the morning is entirely platonic. Sleeping in the same bed as someone because of nightmares is totally normal between friends. In any case, you could have sworn that he–

“Trouble in paradise?” 

An unfamiliar voice nearly makes you jump out of your skin, and you turn to the man who takes a seat beside you. “Uh… something like that.”

The man hums, a smile on his handsome features. His dark brown hair is fluffy and, in its own charming little way, suits him. He reminds you a lot of Spencer, with the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles along with the timbre of his voice. He’s also very different to Spencer, especially with his sweater that has a bright orange pumpkin on it, paired with a matching orange scarf. A pair of red tinted sunglasses hang on the neckline of his sweater, and you doubt that it would do much good to block the sun.

“I’m Matthias,” he says good naturedly, beaming. “I’m with my sister, Laura,” he explains, gesturing to a lady sporting dyed auburn coloured hair, and she waves with a matching smile.

You introduce yourself, pointing to the booth. “My friends are over there.”

Matthias nods, undeterred by your company on the other side of the bar. “Let me buy you a drink.”

*** 

After what felt like hours of dancing (it was really only fifteen minutes), Spencer and Derek make their way to rejoin the group. The feeling of sweat matting his skin is one of many reasons as to why Spencer hates dancing. That, and the fact that there were far too many people on the dancefloor. What’s worse is the fact that he’s sure that none of them have ever heard of the word ‘deodorant’. He cringes at the thought of all the germs that could be festering on his skin as he sits at the booth, his eyes shifting to wear your bag lays haphazardly on the red cushions. 

“Where is she?” He asks instantly, turning to Emily and placing your bag so that it’s in a safer and less hazardous position.

She hums, pointing in the bar’s direction. “Getting a drink. She’s just cooling off.”

“Cooling off?” Spencer echoes, his brows furrowing. “What do you mean she’s ‘cooling off’?”

Penelope offers an apologetic smile, fiddling with the buttons on her coat. “We… might have told her about Austin?”

“You what?” Spencer can barely believe his ears as he looks at the group incredulously. “Why would you do that?”

“We didn’t mean anything bad by it,” JJ says hastily. “We didn’t think she’d react like that.”

“React like what?” Spencer’s voice is strangely stern, his eyes narrowing as he turns to the rest of the team. “I don’t like Austin. She’s nice but I don’t like her.”

Derek’s brows lift in surprise and confusion. “Did you go out with her after the case?”

Spencer’s ears burn in embarrassment and he turns to his friend in offence. “I asked her for help. I don’t like Austin like that. I needed advice.”

“Advice,” Emily repeats, turning in the direction of the bar. “You mean about…?”

Spencer doesn’t stay long enough to head the rest of Emily’s sentence or to answer it, making his way over to you are. Part of him wishes that he stayed put, especially when he sees what you’re doing. In an instant, his nose is scrunched up in distaste as he spies the random stranger chatting you up. His eyes lock with yours and he relishes in the way they light up as you wave him over.

“Hi,” he breathes, standing beside you. 

“Hi!” You gush, beaming at him. “Saw you on the dancefloor.”

“You’ll never see it again,” he says honestly, stealing a sip of your drink. It tastes like vodka and the strawberry lipgloss you use (he only know what it tastes like because of its very on the nose packaging: a giant strawberry. He wishes he knew for other reasons).

You laugh, bright and loud, before you gasp excitedly. “Oh, Spencer, this is Matthias! He’s been keeping me company.” Then, you lean closer to him, your voice a very exaggerated whisper as if the person you’re talking about isn’t in the seat next to you as you tell Spencer, “he’s a director.”

Matthias waves off the statement, chuckling along. “Nothing famous though.”

“He’s a liar,” you tell Spencer enthusiastically. “Did you know he went to New York University? Crazy, right? Like, the school of arts or something. Oh! And he’s also from Vegas! You two are so alike.”

Spencer nods half-heartedly as he tells you, “you know, I went to MIT and CalTech.”

“Well I know that, silly!” You say with a drunken laugh, poking at his cheek. You turn to Matthias with a proud grin before reaching for a shot. “Spencer’s a genius. He’s a super smart genius.”

“That’s what ‘genius’ means, angel,” Spencer reminds gently, prying the little cup away from you. “No more. You’re drunk and we don’t want a repeat of last time.”

Your face falls and your lips curl into a frown. “But Spencer I’m thirsty!”

“You have water in your bag,” he prompts, squeezing your shoulder and helping you off the barstool, not paying this Matthias person any mind. “Okay? Let’s go back to the others.”

You nod eagerly, stumbling a little as you wave goodbye. “Bye, Matthias!”

“Uh huh,” Spencer dismisses, leading you back to the table by the small of your back. He leans a little closer to murmur in your ear, “why did you leave the others?”

You shrug dismissively, leaning into his side. “Doesn’t matter.”

“No, angel, it does,” he says carefully, “tell me?”

You huff in your own clumsy drunken way. “You should ask Austin. Or go pick someone else up. Emily says you’re turning into a ‘ladies’ man’.”

Spencer resists the urge to roll his eyes. Of course. “I don’t like Austin,” he tells you in earnest, holding you close to his side as you stumble back to the booth. “I mean it, angel.”

“Bet you call everyone angel,” you grumble under your breath. “Bet you let everyone call you ‘Walter’ too.”

“No,” Spencer says immediately, a hand on your waist. “I only call you that. Besides, why would I let someone call me by my middle name if it isn’t you?”

You huff again, slumping in the booth as Penelope shuffles inward to give you more room. Your arms cross over your chest in annoyance and frustration and  you turn away from Spencer’s direction. He doesn’t need to be a profiler to know that you’re pissed off at him. Somewhere in your hazy drunk mind, you’ve made it out as him being the bad guy.

Spencer shoots the other girls a pointed glare, gesturing at you as if to say ‘This is your fault’ because, in reality, it is. If they didn’t mention Austin, you wouldn’t be mad at him. If they didn’t mention Austin, you wouldn’t have gotten yourself drunk with some random guy who went to New York University. Spencer mocks Matthias in his head. Stupid Matthias and his stupidly good hair. Spencer runs a hand through his own growing locks, grimacing when he realises that it reaches his shoulders now. Maybe he should get a haircut later.

“Angel,” Spencer tries again, kneeling down next to your chair. “Let’s get you home, alright? Please don’t be mad at me?”

You mutter something incoherent, not bothering to look in his direction.

“I’m not in love with Austin,” he tells you, his tone a mix of firmness and gentleness. “Really, I’m not. We’re just friends, angel, I promise.”

“Liar,” you mutter under your breath as you get out of the booth. JJ guiltily passes you your bag and you take it out of her hands as Spencer grips your arm with one hand, the other on the small of your back. 

“Not a lie,” Spencer says, walking you to his car. “I wouldn’t lie to you about this. Not after Lila.”

“Lie-la,” you say bitterly as you get into the passenger seat. “Stupid actress.”

He laughs at that, getting behind the wheel. “Yeah, angel. Stupid actress.”

“You kissed her in a pool,” you continue as you fumble drunkenly with the buckle of the seatbelt. “You don’t kiss me in the pool.”

Spencer’s cheeks burn at your words as he puts your seatbelt on, his fingers grazing yours. “It never came up. Besides, I hate pools, you know that.”

“Germ-y,” you respond knowingly, a silly giddy smile on your face. “I know you the best.”

“Exactly,” he hums as starts the car, his words flowing smoothly as he considers how drunk you are. There’s no way you’d remember this, right? “Why would I find another girl when I have you who knows me best?”

Your cheeks glow with pride at his words and you laugh. “Exactly.”

*** 

It’s late. Far too late and you toss and turn in bed. Your eyes are heavy but your brain won’t shut up, swirling with the memories of the previous night. You’re not really sure what happened after you got to the bar, only remembering snippets of the night. The entire time was a blur: you remember getting upset at the girls (or rather, at the information they were feeding you), meeting someone– Mason? Matthew? You can’t even remember– and then downing three shots. It’s awfully stupid of you, yes but then somehow you got home safe and sound with a note on your kitchen counter from Spencer.

You felt a little silly upon the finding of the note. Of course Spencer would take you home; it’s not like the girls were particularly sober by the time you wanted to leave. Regardless, reading the note made you feel incredibly stupid, more stupid than usual, and you wanted nothing more than to bury yourself six feet underground. 

‘Hi angel,’ it read in Spencer’s messy scrawl with chaotic lettering and swirly g’s. ‘You’re probably really hungover right now so there’s a Tylenol on the counter and a sandwich in the fridge. Please drink water; I’m sure you’re also severely dehydrated from the alcohol. I know you’re upset at me but please just forget about what the others said about Austin. I don’t like her like that. Be safe and call me when you wake up.’

The note was fine, nothing out of the ordinary, just Spencer being his usual ridiculously lovely self. You didn’t mind that he took care of you, either. It’s more-so the fact that you genuinely could barely remember what you said that him. You’re betting on it being something exceedingly dumb (you’re making a habit of it, much to your own chagrin), especially considering how much you had to drink that night. Maybe you should start abstaining from drinking from now on, especially if Spencer was in the vicinity. 

The note is now pinned securely to your cork board, a pretty lavender thumb tack holding it in place. Your gaze drifts to it for a moment then to your clock and you groan into your pillow. This is dumb. Sleep is dumb. Your clock blinks with the numbers ‘02:01’ in red mocking letters and you resist the urge to scream. After blindly searching for your phone, you step out of bed while rubbing your eyes. 

The lingering question keeps you up as you pace back and forth beside you bed. If Spencer doesn’t like Austin, who does he like? It can’t be Lila. You would have known if they kept in contact. Then again, you had no idea who Austin was so who knows what secrets Spencer is keeping? What if there was another girl? What if your entire friendship with Spencer was exactly that– friendship. You slap the palm of your hand to your forehead. Were you really that stupid?

It’s in that moment when your phone begins to ring. The tune plays through the room and you know it all too well; the Doctor Who theme song that you spent a whopping two dollars and thirty-seven cents on to add it as the custom ringtone for Spencer. 

“Hello…?” You answer quietly, your voice choking. “Walter?”

“Angel,” he murmurs, and you can hear shuffling in the background. “Why are you still awake?”

You hum, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I could ask you the same question.”

He laughs quietly on the other side of the line, scratchy from the lack of sleep. “Can I come over?”

“Always.”

He hangs up after that and you press the pads of your fingers into the corners of your eyes again. You’re exhausted, far too exhausted to be hosting guests, but this is Spencer. How can you ever say no to him? So, instead of sulking around and spending far too long doing nothing, you fashion yourself a cup of tea and flick the lights on. The book you were reading is thrown haphazardly onto the cushions of your couch but you can’t bring yourself to pick it up. 

The jiggling of the door handle brings you out of your little mood, and Spencer lets himself in with the key you gave him, locking it securely and taking his shoes off to reveal his sock choice of the day: one bright green and the other in fuchsia with buttercup yellow spots. He’s wearing a crinkly white t-shirt that hangs over his gangly frame and grey sweatpants. For something so basic, he looks absolutely criminal in it. You pinch yourself as punishment for thinking such a thing. 

“Hey,” he breathes, sitting next to you. He runs his fingers through his hair, frowning a little. “Do you think I should get it cut?”

You laugh, almost spilling your tea. “You came to my apartment at two in the morning to ask what I think about your hair?”

“Yes,” he agrees before laughing, “no! Of course not. I just thought of it.”

A hum leaves your lips as you curl a strand of his hair around your finger. “I like long hair on you. Besides, you’d look good in any hair cut.”

Spencer preens at your words, enjoying the feel of your touch in his hair. “You’re a liar. I know what I looked like four years ago. Don’t lie.”

“I’m not!” You insist, beaming at him as you poke his cheek. “You were really cute back then. Like a baby.”

He flushes again at both the compliment and the contact, his mind committing the way you say ‘baby’ to memory. He thinks it again and again; baby, baby, baby. 

“I was not a baby,” He tells you, half in jest. “I’m older than you!”

“By a year,” you quip, the sleep deprivation making your head go loopy. “Barely. Doesn’t matter, you’re still baby.”

Spencer scoffs lightly, poking your side. “If I’m a baby, what does that make you? A foetus? A zygote?”

You let out a quiet scream in protest, whacking him over the head with a throw pillow. “Ew, Spencer what the hell?”

He snickers in response, shielding his face with his forearm. “If I’m a baby and you’re younger than me, you must be at an earlier stage of development. So? Which is it, are you a foetus or a zygote? C’mon, angel, you passed eighth grade biology.”

“You’re an ass,” you chastise jokingly, rolling your eyes as you look up at him. Sometime amidst the commotion he must have gotten closer to you. Your noses are almost touching and your breath hitches in your throat. 

He smiles sweetly, his own cheeks warm and flushed with embarrassment as he maintains eye contact. “I thought I was ‘baby’.”

What the hell? Is this really Spencer Reid? Silly, awkward, nerdy little Spencer Reid? This must be a very convincing body suit and an even more convincing voice altering machine because this is not Spencer Reid. You can feel the blood rush to your cheeks and ears so quickly that it’s enough to make you go dizzy. Maybe you’re a lot more sleep deprived than you thought. 

“Are you drunk?” You croak out meekly as he cages you in, his forearms on either side of your head as he leans you against the couch. 

He laughs– he has the actual audacity to laugh– and he shakes his head. “No, angel, I’m not drunk. You know I don’t drink enough to actually get drunk. Besides, I drove here.”

“You drove here,” you repeat, a little dazed from how close he is. “It’s two in the morning.”

“Almost three now but yes,” Spencer agrees, smiling. 

“You hate driving,” you remind him, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Especially at night.”

He hums in agreement. “I do. But I wanted to see you.”

“Oh.”

You kick yourself internally. ‘Oh’? Who the hell says ‘Oh’? This is it. Your life is over. Maybe you should move to another state. Change your name, shave your head, and get a different degree because you’re almost certain that it’s the end of the line for you.

Spencer lets out a soft chuckle. “I missed you.”

“You saw me two days ago?” You say it like a question and you suddenly feel yourself sweating. It definitely got hotter in here. 

He murmurs your name, his fingers grazing the skin of your jaw gently. “I’m so glad I met you.”

“I ran into you four years ago and almost gave myself a concussion,” you say, averting your gaze as you tried to calm yourself down. 

“I’m so glad I met you,” he repeats softly, his nose brushing against your cheek. “Look at me, angel.”

You wet your bottom lip nervously as you look at him, his hazel eyes a little greener in the low light of your apartment. His legs are on either side of your hips and he brushes his thumb against your chin. 

“I want to kiss you,” Spencer says lowly, albeit a little breathlessly, and you can hear hoarseness in his words. “Can I?”

You’re dead. You’re either dead or asleep, that is the only explanation you have for this entire situation. You’re either dead and in heaven or asleep and dreaming. It is that plain and simple.

“What?” You croak out, your nails digging into the skin of your thighs. 

“I know you wanted to do it in a pool but I’m pretty sure your apartment gym is closed now, angel,” Spencer says, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. “Can I kiss you?”

The only thing you can manage to do is nod, your eyes flickering to his lips for a split second, watching as the corners of his mouth tug upwards. Your brain barely has any time to comprehend the words he said (since when did you say that you wanted to kiss him in the pool?) because in a rush of confidence, Spencer cups your face and presses his lips to yours in a tantalisingly slow kiss. His eyes are closed and his hands are eerily soft, the gentleness in which he holds you reminiscent of one holding porcelain. 

He pulls away after a moment, his cheeks burning and a smile on his face. You can’t even breathe as you just stare at him, lips parted in surprise. What do you even say to that?

“Thank you?” You manage to stutter out, heat creeping up your neck.

He laughs again, breathless and beautiful, as he kisses the side of your face. “You’re welcome.”

Spencer brushes an eyelash from your cheek, beaming at you as he does. “It’s late,” he tells you, getting up from the couch and freeing your limbs. “You should get some rest.”

“Uh huh,” you respond, your head  spinning. “Bye.”

“Bye,” he says back, trying to hold in a laugh. “I’m free next Friday. Do you want to go out?”

“Go out?” You echo, “we always go out.”

“I know.” He smiles at you again as he makes his way to the door. “I meant– you know. We can go out.”

A beat passes and your head is awfully slow, whether from the kiss or from the sleep deprivation, you’re not entirely sure. “We can go out.”

“Great.” He pauses, taking a step towards you before kissing your cheek. “I’ll text you.”

“You’ll–” you gape at him again as he opens your door to leave. “You hate texting.”

He nods, slipping on his shoes. “I also hate driving at night. Your point?”

“Right,” you murmur, more to yourself than anything. “Text me when you get home?”

“Of course I will, angel,” he promises, “get some rest.”

Get some rest? How the hell are you supposed to get some rest after all that? With one last wave, Spencer leaves your apartment, leaving you hoping that this wasn’t just some thing. Maybe this was the very first page of your story– a very embarrassing start to your story. There is one thing for certain though: Spencer is not in love with someone else.

*** 

It’s a Tuesday when Penelope calls you. You had just finished up with a client when your phone begins to ring. 

“Penny!” You gush, unable to stop the smile from stretching onto your face. “I am stupid, I said ‘thank you’? Who the hell says thank you after someone kisses you?”

“Who kissed you?” Penelope asks, and if you weren’t so caught up in your own tangent you would have noticed that she sounded tearful. 

“Spencer did!” You exclaim, slapping a hand to your forehead. “He’s sitting there and he looks amazing and he smells really good and I am stupid.”

“Hold on, hold on,” Penelope says quickly, and you can imagine her waving her fluffy pen around. “He kissed you and you said thank you?”

“Yes.”

“Well that was very polite of you,” she says, trying to sound happy before her voice cracks.

You frown immediately, taking a seat in the wheelie chair in your office. “Penny? Is everything okay? What’s going on?”

“It’s about Spencer,” she says woefully, sniffling. “He wanted me to tell you something. It’s not looking good, honey, but– but he wanted me to give you a message.”

“Penny–” You stop short when you hear Spencer’s voice. It’s a recording from his phone, and you can only really tell because of the crackling audio on the other side of the line.

“Is it on?” Spencer asks before clearing his throat. He sounds breathless, his words breaking off at some parts and you know that it’s not from the bad audio quality. “Hey, angel, it’s me, Spenc– Walter. It’s your Walter. If you’re getting this then something happened and I just wanted you to know that– that I love you. I didn’t get the chance to tell you that before but I do. I love you and I wish it didn’t turn out like this but I am– I am so glad that we had that moment.”

Through the recording you can hear a shuffle, like the sound of a sliding door being opened, along with a quiet, “Prep the victim for transfer,” before the recording cuts out, leaving you with Penelope on the line. 

She calls your name quietly, choking on her words. “Are you okay?”

You hang up. 

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[disabled-dragoon]

The Disability Library

I love books, I love literature, and I love this blog, but it's only been recently that I've really been given the option to explore disabled literature, and I hate that. When I was a kid, all I wanted was to be able to read about characters like me, and now as an adult, all I want is to be able to read a book that takes us seriously.

And so, friends, Romans, countrymen, I present, a special disability and chronic illness booklist, compiled by myself and through the contributions of wonderful members from this site!

As always, if there are any at all that you want me to add, please just say. I'm always looking for more!

Edit 20/10/2023: You can now suggest books using the google form at the bottom!

Updated: 31/08/2023

Articles and Chapters

The Drifting Language of Architectural Accessibility in Victor Hugo's Notre-Dame de Paris, Essaka Joshua, 2012

Early Modern Literature and Disability Studies, Allison P. Hobgood, David Houston Wood, 2017

How Do You Develop Whole Object Relations as an Adult?, Elinor Greenburg, 2019

Making Do with What You Don't Have: Disabled Black Motherhood in Octavia E. Butler's Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents, Anna Hinton, 2018

Necropolitics, Achille Mbeme, 2003 OR Necropolitics, Achille Mbeme, 2019

Wasted Lives: Modernity and Its Outcasts, Zygmunt Bauman, 2004

Witchcraft and deformity in early modern English Literature, Scott Eaton, 2020

Books

Fiction:

Misc:

10 Things I Can See From Here, Carrie Mac

A-F:

A Curse So Dark and Lonely, (Series), Brigid Kemmerer

Akata Witch, (Series), Nnedi Okorafor

A Mango-Shaped Space, Wendy Mass

Ancillary Justice, (Series), Ann Leckie

An Unkindness of Ghosts, Rivers Solomon

An Unseen Attraction, (Series), K. J. Charles

A Shot in the Dark, Victoria Lee

A Snicker of Magic, Natalie Lloyd

A Song of Ice and Fire, (series), George R. R. Martin

A Spindle Splintered, (Series), Alix E. Harrow

A Time to Dance, Padma Venkatraman

Bath Haus, P. J. Vernon

Beasts of Prey, (Series), Ayana Gray

The Bedlam Stacks, (Series), Natasha Pulley

Black Bird, Blue Road, Sofiya Pasternack

Black Sun, (Series), Rebecca Roanhorse

Blood Price, (Series), Tanya Huff

Borderline, (Series), Mishell Baker

Breath, Donna Jo Napoli

The Broken Kingdoms, (Series), N.K. Jemisin

Brute, Kim Fielding

Cafe con Lychee, Emery Lee

Carry the Ocean, (Series), Heidi Cullinan

Challenger Deep, Neal Shusterman

Cinder, (Series), Marissa Meyer

Clean, Amy Reed

Connection Error, (Series), Annabeth Albert

Cosima Unfortunate Steals A Star, Laura Noakes

Crazy, Benjamin Lebert

Crooked Kingdom, (Series), Leigh Bardugo

Daniel Cabot Puts Down Roots, (Series), Cat Sebastian

Daniel, Deconstructed, James Ramos

Dead in the Garden, (Series), Dahlia Donovan

Dear Fang, With Love, Rufi Thorpe

Deathless Divide, (Series), Justina Ireland

The Degenerates, J. Albert Mann

The Doctor's Discretion, E.E. Ottoman

Earth Girl, (Series), Janet Edwards

Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead, Emily R. Austin

The Extraordinaries, (Series), T. J. Klune

The Extraordinary Education of Nicholas Benedict, (Series), Trenton Lee Stewart

Fight + Flight, Jules Machias

The Final Girl Support Group, Grady Hendrix

Finding My Voice, (Series), Aoife Dooley

The First Thing About You, Chaz Hayden

Follow My Leader, James B. Garfield

Forever Is Now, Mariama J. Lockington

Fortune Favours the Dead, (Series), Stephen Spotswood

Fresh, Margot Wood

H-0:

Harmony, London Price

Harrow the Ninth, (series), Tamsyn Muir

Hench, (Series), Natalia Zina Walschots

Highly Illogical Behaviour, John Corey Whaley

Honey Girl, Morgan Rogers

How to Become a Planet, Nicole Melleby

How to Bite Your Neighbor and Win a Wager, (Series), D. N. Bryn

How to Sell Your Blood & Fall in Love, (Series), D. N. Bryn

Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites, Joy Demorra

I Am Not Alone, Francisco X. Stork

The Immeasurable Depth of You, Maria Ingrande Mora

In the Ring, Sierra Isley

Into The Drowning Deep, (Series), Mira Grant

Iron Widow, (Series), Xiran Jay Zhao

Izzy at the End of the World, K. A. Reynolds

Jodie's Journey, Colin Thiele

Just by Looking at Him, Ryan O'Connell

Kissing Doorknobs, Terry Spencer Hesser

Lakelore, Anna-Marie McLemore

Learning Curves, (Series), Ceillie Simkiss

Let's Call It a Doomsday, Katie Henry

The Library of the Dead, (Series), TL Huchu

The Lion Hunter, (Series), Elizabeth Wein

Lirael, (Series), Garth Nix

Long Macchiatos and Monsters, Alison Evans

Love from A to Z, (Series), S.K. Ali

Lycanthropy and Other Chronic Illnesses, Kristen O'Neal

Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro

The Never Tilting World, (Series), Rin Chupeco

The No-Girlfriend Rule, Christen Randall

Nona the Ninth, (series), Tamsyn Muir

Noor, Nnedi Okorafor

Odder Still, (Series), D. N. Bryn

Once Stolen, (Series), D. N. Bryn

One For All, Lillie Lainoff

On the Edge of Gone, Corinne Duyvis

Origami Striptease, Peggy Munson

Our Bloody Pearl, (Series), D. N. Bryn

Out of My Mind, Sharon M. Draper

P-T:

Parable of the Sower, (Series), Octavia E. Butler

Parable of the Talents, (Series), Octavia E. Butler

Percy Jackson & the Olympians, (series), Rick Riordan

Pomegranate, Helen Elaine Lee

The Prey of Gods, Nicky Drayden

The Pursuit Of..., (Series), Courtney Milan

The Queen's Thief, (Series), Megan Whalen Turner

The Quiet and the Loud, Helena Fox

The Raging Quiet, Sheryl Jordan

The Reanimator's Heart, (Series), Kara Jorgensen

The Remaking of Corbin Wale, Joan Parrish

Roll with It, (Series), Jamie Sumner

Russian Doll, (Series), Cristelle Comby

The Second Mango, (Series), Shira Glassman

Scar of the Bamboo Leaf, Sieni A.M

Shaman, (Series), Noah Gordon

Sick Kids in Love, Hannah Moskowitz

The Silent Boy, Lois Lowry

Six of Crows, (Series) Leigh Bardugo

Sizzle Reel, Carlyn Greenwald

The Spare Man, Mary Robinette Kowal

The Stagsblood Prince, (Series), Gideon E. Wood

Stake Sauce, Arc 1: The Secret Ingredient is Love. No, Really, (Series), RoAnna Sylver

Stars in Your Eyes, Kacen Callender [Expected release: Oct 2023]

The Storm Runner, (Series), J. C. Cervantes

Stronger Still, (Series), D. N. Bryn

Sweetblood, Pete Hautman

Tarnished Are the Stars, Rosiee Thor

The Theft of Sunlight, (Series), Intisar Khanani

Throwaway Girls, Andrea Contos

Top Ten, Katie Cotugno

Torch, Lyn Miller-Lachmann

Treasure, Rebekah Weatherspoon

Turtles All the Way Down, John Green

U-Z:

Unlicensed Delivery, Will Soulsby-McCreath Expected release October 2023

Verona Comics, Jennifer Dugan

Vorkosigan Saga, (Series), Lois McMaster Bujold

We Are the Ants, (Series), Shaun David Hutchinson

The Weight of Our Sky, Hanna Alkaf

Whip, Stir and Serve, Caitlyn Frost and Henry Drake

The Whispering Dark, Kelly Andrew

Wicked Sweet, Chelsea M. Cameron

Wonder, (Series), R. J. Palacio

Wrong to Need You, (Series), Alisha Rai

Ziggy, Stardust and Me, James Brandon

Graphic Novels:

A Quick & Easy Guide to Sex & Disability, (Non-Fiction), A. Andrews

Constellations, Kate Glasheen

Dancing After TEN: a graphic memoir, (memoir) (Non-Fiction), Vivian Chong, Georgia Webber

Everything Is an Emergency: An OCD Story in Words Pictures, (memoir) (Non-Fiction), Jason Adam Katzenstein

Frankie's World: A Graphic Novel, (Series), Aoife Dooley

The Golden Hour, Niki Smith

Nimona, N. D. Stevenson

The Third Person, (memoir) (Non-Fiction), Emma Grove

Magazines and Anthologies:

Artificial Divide, (Anthology), Robert Kingett, Randy Lacey

Beneath Ceaseless Skies #175: Grandmother-nai-Leylit's Cloth of Winds, (Article), R. B. Lemburg

Defying Doomsday, (Anthology), edited by Tsana Dolichva and Holly Kench

Josee, the Tiger and the Fish, (short story) (anthology), Seiko Tanabe

Nothing Without Us, edited by Cait Gordon and Talia C. Johnson

Nothing Without Us Too, edited by Cait Gordon and Talia C. Johnson

Unbroken: 13 Stories Starring Disabled Teens, (Anthology), edited by Marieke Nijkamp

Uncanny #24: Disabled People Destroy Science Fiction, (Anthology), edited by: Elsa Sjunneson-Henry, Dominik Parisien et al.

Uncanny #30: Disabled People Destroy Fantasy, (Anthology), edited by: Nicolette Barischoff, Lisa M. Bradley, Katharine Duckett

We Shall Be Monsters, edited by Derek Newman-Stille

Manga:

Perfect World, (Series), Rie Aruga

The Sky is Blue with a Single Cloud, (Short Stories), Kuniko Tsurita

Non-Fiction:

Academic Ableism: Disability and Higher Education, Jay Timothy Dolmage

A Disability History of the United States, Kim E, Nielsen

The Architecture of Disability: Buildings, Cities, and Landscapes beyond Access, David Gissen

Being Seen: One Deafblind Woman's Fight to End Ableism, Elsa Sjunneson

Black Disability Politics, Sami Schalk

Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety, Dr. Elinor Greenburg

Brilliant Imperfection: Grappling with Cure, Eli Clare

The Cambridge Companion to Literature and Disability, Barker, Clare and Stuart Murray, editors.

The Capacity Contract: Intellectual Disability and the Question of Citizenship, Stacy Clifford Simplican

Capitalism and Disability, Martha Russel

Care work: Dreaming Disability Justice, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

Catatonia, Shutdown and Breakdown in Autism: A Psycho-Ecological Approach, Dr Amitta Shah

The Collected Schizophrenias: Essays, Esme Weijun Wang

Crip Kinship, Shayda Kafai

Crip Up the Kitchen: Tools, Tips and Recipes for the Disabled Cook, Jules Sherred

Culture – Theory – Disability: Encounters between Disability Studies and Cultural Studies, Anne Waldschmidt, Hanjo Berressem, Moritz Ingwersen

Decarcerating Disability: Deinstitutionalization and Prison Abolition, Liat Ben-Moshe

Demystifying Disability: What to Know, What to Say, and How to Be an Ally, Emily Ladau

Dirty River: A Queer Femme of Color Dreaming Her Way Home, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

Disability Pride: Dispatches from a Post-ADA World, Ben Mattlin

Disability Visibility: First-Person Stories From the Twenty-First Century, Alice Wong

Disfigured: On Fairy Tales, Disability and Making Space, Amanda Leduc

Every Cripple a Superhero, Christoph Keller

Exile and Pride: Disability, Queerness and Liberation, Eli Clare

Feminist Queer Crip, Alison Kafer

The Future Is Disabled: Prophecies, Love Notes, and Mourning Songs, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

Growing Up Disabled in Australia, Carly Findlay

It's Just Nerves: Notes on a Disability, Kelly Davio

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, Rebecca Skloot

Language Deprivation & Deaf Mental Health, Neil S. Glickman, Wyatte C. Hall

The Minority Body: A Theory of Disability, Elizabeth Barnes

My Body and Other Crumbling Empires: Lessons for Healing in a World That Is Sick, Lyndsey Medford

No Right to Be Idle: The Invention of Disability, 1840s-1930s, Sarah F. Rose

Nothing About Us Without Us: Disability Oppression and Empowerment, James I. Charlton

The Pedagogy of Pathologization Dis/abled Girls of Color in the School-prison Nexus, Subini Ancy Annamma

Physical Disability in British Romantic Literature, Essaka Joshua

QDA: A Queer Disability Anthology, Raymond Luczak, Editor.

The Right to Maim: Debility, Capacity, Disability, Jasbir K. Puar

Sitting Pretty, (memoir), Rebecca Taussig

Sounds Like Home: Growing Up Black & Deaf in the South, Mary Herring Wright

Surviving and Thriving with an Invisible Chronic Illness: How to Stay Sane and Live One Step Ahead of Your Symptoms, Ilana Jacqueline

The Things We Don't Say: An Anthology of Chronic Illness Truths, Julie Morgenlender

Uncanny Bodies: Superhero Comics and Disability, Scott T. Smith, José Alaniz 

Uncomfortable Labels: My Life as a Gay Autistic Trans Woman, (memoir), Laura Kate Dale

Unmasking Autism, Devon Price

The War on Disabled People: Capitalism, Welfare and the Making of a Human Catastrophe, Ellen Clifford

We've Got This: Essays by Disabled Parents, Eliza Hull

Year of the Tiger: An Activist's Life, (memoir) (essays) Alice Wong

Picture Books:

A Day With No Words, Tiffany Hammond, Kate Cosgrove-

A Friend for Henry, Jenn Bailey, Mika Song

Ali and the Sea Stars, Ali Stroker, Gillian Reid

All Are Welcome, Alexandra Penfold, Suzanne Kaufman

All the Way to the Top, Annette Bay Pimentel, Jennifer Keelan-Chaffins, Nabi Ali

Can Bears Ski?, Raymond Antrobus, Polly Dunbar

Different -- A Great Thing to Be!, Heather Alvis, Sarah Mensinga

Everyone Belongs, Heather Alvis, Sarah Mensinga

I Talk Like a River, Jordan Scott, Sydney Smith

Jubilee: The First Therapy Horse and an Olympic Dream, K. T. Johnson, Anabella Ortiz

Just Ask!, Sonia Sotomayor, Rafael López

Kami and the Yaks, Andrea Stenn Stryer, Bert Dodson

My Three Best Friends and Me, Zulay, Cari Best, Vanessa Brantley-Newton

Rescue & Jessica: A Life-Changing Friendship, Jessica Kensky, Patrick Downes, Scott Magoon

Sam's Super Seats, Keah Brown, Sharee Miller

Small Knight and the Anxiety Monster, Manka Kasha

We Move Together, Kelly Fritsch, Anne McGuire, Eduardo Trejos

We're Different, We're the Same, and We're All Wonderful!, Bobbi Jane Kates, Joe Mathieu

What Happened to You?, James Catchpole, Karen George

The World Needs More Purple People, Kristen Bell, Benjamin Hart, Daniel Wiseman

You Are Enough: A Book About Inclusion, Margaret O'Hair, Sofia Sanchez, Sofia Cardoso

You Are Loved: A Book About Families, Margaret O'Hair, Sofia Sanchez, Sofia Cardoso

The You Kind of Kind, Nina West, Hayden Evans

Zoom!, Robert Munsch, Michael Martchenko

Plays:

Peeling, Kate O'Reilly

---

With an extra special thank you to @parafoxicalk @craftybookworms @lunod @galaxyaroace @shub-s @trans-axolotl @suspicious-whumping-egg @ya-world-challenge @fictionalgirlsworld @rubyjewelqueen @some-weird-queer-writer @jacensolodjo @cherry-sys @dralthon @thebibliosphere @brynwrites @aj-grimoire @shade-and-sun @ceanothusspinosus @edhelwen1 @waltzofthewifi @spiderleggedhorse @sleepneverheardofher @highladyluck @oftheides @thecouragetobekind @nopoodles @lupadracolis @elusivemellifluence @creativiteaa @moonflowero1 @the-bi-library @chronically-chaotic-cryptid for your absolutely fantastic contributions!

---

Submit a Book:

[greg-montgomery]

Angry sex with the Unit Chief !! Go!!

(@ravensmadreads)

i loved this ideaaa <333

nsfw - minors dni

cw: jealousy, unprotected sex and umm a little bit of degradation lol, that's it i think <3

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

It should have worked.

JJ and Emily said it would, Penelope said it would, even Derek said it would. Aaron would see you flirting with a stranger and he’d finally snap. He’d finally let his interest in you show through jealousy. But he didn’t.

You had been practically grinding on that guy that you didn’t even like to begin with; dancing with him at the bar the team had chosen for the night.

But Aaron didn’t even flinch. He didn’t wrap his arm around you protectively like you had imagined, pulling you away from that man. He didn’t ask anyone if they knew who that stranger you were letting touch you was. He didn’t even stare at you as you danced. He just focused on the drink he had in hand and his conversation with Rossi.

You bit your bottom lip, trying to hold back the tears as you returned to your table, feeling defeated. It was your own fault for letting your friends convince you that Aaron was interested. As it turned out, that wasn’t the case. You could have given that man a fucking blowjob in the middle of the dancefloor and Aaron wouldn’t bat an eye.

“I’m gonna leave early, guys,” you announced. “Suddenly, my head hurts.”

“Hmm…all by yourself?” David teased you, obviously not knowing about your plan to make Aaron jealous, and assuming everything was real.

“Yeah…” you said. “Good night, everyone. I hope you have fun.”

“Wait.” Aaron’s hand wrapped around your wrist as you turned to leave. “It’s late. I’ll drive you home.”

“No need,” you said, irritated. “I’ll call a taxi.”

“No,” he insisted. “I’ll drive you.”

“Fine,” you gave up, releasing your arm from his tight grip.

--

“Walk close to me, it’s dark,” he said, as you made your way to his car.

You were in heels so it was hard to catch up with him. Plus his steps were huge because of those long legs of his that you were definitely not staring at.

“Then walk slower!” you argued. “And don’t worry, no one is gonna snatch me away. Not that you’d care anyway…” you mumbled the last sentence.

“What was that?” He stopped walking, turning his head to look at you.

“Nothing,” you answered, slowing down so you wouldn’t bump into him.

“I wouldn’t care?” he said, ignoring your response.

“Just drop it, Hotch,” you said, and moved passed him, reaching his car first.

You crossed your arms against your chest, waiting for him to unlock it, but Aaron was still standing at that same spot, frozen.

“I’m getting cold here,” you complained. “Are you gonna have me waiting outside of your car all night?”

His jaw clenched as his eyes traveled from your eyes to your shoes and then back to your eyes again.

“You should start working on that attitude of yours, you know,” he said when he was next to you, and opening the door of his car for you to get inside. “That’s not a way to speak to your boss.”

You didn’t say anything; only looked at him for a moment before getting in and settling into your seat.

When Aaron was inside the car too, you expected him to put the key in the ignition and start the car but instead he stared at his lap, looking as if he was contemplating on saying something.

“Why did you say that earlier?”

“Say what?”

“That I wouldn’t care if you got taken. Of course I’d care,” he said, raising his voice slightly.

“Yeah, sure. Your actions all night definitely showed me that,” you answered.

“What the hell does that mean now?” he asked, his knuckles turning white from holding the steering wheel too tightly.

“A stranger was all over me tonight and you didn’t seem to care.”

“You looked like you were enjoying it,” he said, his stare cold and angry. “What did you want me to do?”

“Anything!”

“Do you realize what you’re telling me right now? You wanted me to go stop one of my agents - outside of working hours - from dancing with a man they seemingly liked?” His tone made him sound exasperated.

“This isn’t about work! God,” you said through gritted teeth. “You don’t get it.”

“Y/N-”

“Just drive the car and take me home,” you cut him off.

“No,” he replied with a stern voice. He took a few breaths, trying to calm himself down.

“Did you want me to punch him? Grab him by the collar of his shirt and ask him to get his fucking hands off your body? Or touch you in front of him and show him how you really like it?”

“Aaron…” you said, softly, surprised by his words.

“If you wanted me to fuck you so badly, all you had to do was ask.” He used his hands to grab your chin and forced you to look at him. “You didn’t need to use a pathetic man to make me jealous.”

“You didn’t seem jealous.”

“Of course I was jealous,” he admitted. “I wanted to cut his arms off.”

“Then why didn’t you show it?” you pouted and his grip on your jaw softened.

“Because I thought you were actually into that fucker.”

“I wasn’t,” you said, dropping your gaze.

“I know that now,” he smirked, making you flustered.

His large hand was still on your face and he used it to pull you close, your noses now touching.

“You looked gorgeous tonight,” he murmured against your lips, not kissing you yet. “I can’t blame him for drooling over you.”

You were the one that finally moved your lips against his. Your kiss was desperate, being something you had both been waiting for, for a long time.

His fingers were grabbing your hair, pushing you against him. Then, with a fist full of your hair he pulled you away again so he could look into your eyes, causing you to whine. “You’re such a needy thing. I wish I knew you wanted me earlier.”

“I’m still mad at you, you know,” you said, with fake annoyance.

“That’s alright, baby. Let me fuck that attitude out of you and you’ll be okay.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, but felt his hand grabbing your arm.

“Come to my lap,” he ordered.

You stared at him before checking at his crotch, seeing a bulge in his pants. It made you smirk and you followed his order, making your way to his lap, straddling him.

He used his fingers to brush a few strands of hair away from your face. His touch was gentle.

“Hey,” he whispered. “If you don’t want this I’ll stop right now.”

“I want this,” you whispered back, cupping his cheeks. “What do you think I went through all this trouble for?”

He laughed, the dimples on his face making him even more attractive. A hand on your neck pulled you in for another kiss.

As the kiss went on, you rocked your hips against him, your clit brushing against the fabric of his pants in all the right ways.

“Ah…”

“That’s it, grind yourself against me like you did with that guy,” he said, darkly. “He would never make you feel as good as I can, baby. He doesn’t know you like I do.”

“It wasn’t like that,” you defended yourself, your words coming out as little moans.

“I know,” he said. Your dress had been lifted up to your ass as you straddled him, so his hands were free to touch your bare thighs. He squeezed them possessively as he spoke to you. “Only I can touch you from now on, isn’t that right?”

“Mhm…” you moaned and nodded, moving back and forth against him, knowing that you were about to cum in a minute or two.

“You’re allowed to be a little slut, baby. But only for me,” he said, his hands gripping on your ass, forcing you to move against him even harder. His moans from the pressure against his cock turned you on to the point where you knew you weren’t going to last for much longer.

“I’m cumming,” you whined and buried your face in the crook of his neck, humping his body even faster.

“I’m gonna cum soon too, baby. I need to be inside you,” he said and you rushed to unbuckle his belt and pull the fly of his pants down.

“Fuck, I wanna feel you so bad,” you said as you let him pull your panties to the side so he could put his cock in you.

“They’re soaked, angel.”

“Of course they are,” you replied, sinking yourself down, until your hips met.

Aaron’s hands cupped your tits, after he pulled your dress down roughly, not caring if he was ruining the expensive satin fabric. You didn’t care either.

“Move, sweetheart. Fuck yourself on my dick, show me how you like it.”

You placed one of your palms against his chest and the other behind his neck, as you started moving; letting yourself go and enjoying every inch of him inside you, every wave of pleasure that went through your body.

“God,” you moaned, letting yourself fall back as you closed your eyes. “I knew it’d be good with you. You’re huge.” He was; you were feeling him in spots inside you, you didn’t think had ever been touched before.

“Keep going, my sweet girl. I love seeing you desperate,” he said, running his hands all over your body.

Your lips were soon on his neck, as you screamed for his name, your orgasm taking over your body and mind.

Aaron’s cum filled you up a few moments later, his heavy breaths against your ear making you excited even though you had just finished.

You rested your cheek on his shoulder, trying to catch your breath. “It did work after all.”

[mieeaahhh]

All for the game characters as songs but only songs from my playlist and most of it doesn’t have any reason, It’s just the bugs living on my shoulder whispering it into my ear.

Neil Josten

-Dog Days Are Over by Florence + The Machine

-Dead Girl Walking from heathers

-That’s Life by Frank Sinatra

-Hounds Of Love by Kate Bush

-am i being followed…? By emily jeffri

Andrew Minyard

-forwards beckon rebound by Adrianne Lenkar

-Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division

-Dizzy Miss Lizzy by the Beatles

-Never Saw The Point by Cults

-I Wanna Be Your Dog by Mephisto Walz

Aaron Minyard

-emo boy by Ayesha Erotica

-Cool About It by boygenius

-William, It Was Really Nothing by The Smiths

-Nintendo 64 by Alex G

-Mama’s Boy by Dominic Fike

Nicky Hemmick

-HOT TO GO! By Chappell Roan

-I Don’t Wanna Be Funny Anymore by Lucy Dacus

-White Teeth Teens by Lorde

-Back To That Old House by The Smiths

-It’s Called: Freefall by Rainbow Kitten Suprise

Kevin Day

-Bubblegum Bitch by MARINA

-Literal Legend by Ayesha Erotica

-A Pearl by Mitski

-Army Dreamers by Kate Bush

-Me and the Devil by Soap&Skin

Renee Walker

-Big Mouth Strikes Again by The Smiths

-Ptolemaea by Ethel Cain

-Good Looking by Suki Waterhouse

-P.U.N.K Girl by Heavenly

-Just A Girl by Florence + The Machine

Allison Reynolds

-Maneater by Nelly Furtado

-Good Luck, Babe! Chappell Roan

-all-american bitch by Olivia Rodrigo

-Paper Bag by Fiona Apple

-Funnel Of Love by Wanda Jackson

Seth Gordon

-Silver Soul by Beach House

-The Killing Moon by Echo & The Bunnymen

-Lights Out by Mindless Self Indulgence

-Breathing by Kate Bush

-Climbing Up The Walls by Radiohead

Matt Boyd

-Rollin’ by Limp Bizkit

-This Charming Man by The Smiths

-My Hero by Foo Fighters

-The Great Big Gig In The Sky by Pink Floyd

-Sweet Child O’ Mine by Guns N’ Roses

Dan Wilds

-Rue by girl in red

-Lovers Rock by TV Girl

-Girl Anachronism

-Christian Woman by Type O Negative

-Limp by Fiona Apple

Jeremy Knox

-Destroyed By Hippie Powers by Car Seat Headrest

-Heroes by David Bowie

-Jigsaw Falling Into Place by Radiohead

-The Perfect Girl by Mareux

-Starman by David Bowie

Jean Moreau

-insomniac by Memo Boy, Chakra Efendi

-Fireworks by Mitski

-Stupid MF by Mindless Self Indulgence

-The Murder Mystery by The Velvet Underground

-Down By The Water by PJ Harvey

Laila Dermott

-Howl by Florence + The Machine

-White Teeth Teens by Lorde

-Call Me by Blondie

-Bored by Laufey

-Mirror by The Last Dinner Party

Catalina Alvarez

-Burn Alive by The Last Dinner Party

-Shut Up And Drive by Rihanna

-Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen

-Hey Jude by The Beatles

-Pools by Glass Animals

Katelyn Mckensie

-Oh! You Pretty Things by David Bowie

-My Kind Of Woman by Mac DeMarco

-Valerie by TV Girl

-Good Vibrations by The Beach Boys

-Oh Woman, Oh Why by Paul and Linda McCartney

Cody Winter

-Exceptionally Sadistic by Monument Of Misanthropy

-Bullet With Butterfly Wings by The Smashing Pumkins

-It’s Only Sex by Car Seat Headrest

-Buried Alive by Radio Werewolf

-Chop Suey! By System Of A Down

Also I’m super cool and hip and cool so this is my playlists

[godzilla-reads]

🎃 Happy Halloween 🎃 Happy October 🎃

Being the last day of the month, I thought I’d do my Reading Wrapup. I finished 18 books and my Top 3 are starred below:

⭐️ Godzilla: Unnatural Disasters by IDW Publishing

🍞 The Bakery Dragon by Devin Elle Kurtz

🐦‍⬛ Bunnicula Meets Edgar Allan Crow by James Howe

🖤 The Raven and Other Poems by Edgar Allan Poe

🐲 A Town Called Dragon by Judd Winick

🍂 October, or Autumnal Tints by Henry David Thoreau, Robert D. Richardson, and Lincoln Perry

🧚 Arthur Rackham’s Book of Pictures by Elizabeth Congden Kovanen and Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch

🍁 Autumn: A Folio Anthology edited by Sue Bradbury and Kathleen Jamie

🌵 The Evil Garden by Edward Gorey

🥶 The Iceland Wyrm by Dugald Steer

✨ The Dragon Star by Dugald Steer

🪩 The Dragon Dance by Dugald Steer

🦋 The Winged Serpent by Dugald Steer

⭐️ Mural by Mahmoud Darwish (trans. John Berger and Rema Hammami)

🍄 How to See Fairies by Charles Van Sandwyk

🌋 The Dark Secret by Tui T. Sutherland and Mike Holmes

⭐️ Baba Yaga’s Assistant by Marika McCoola and Emily Carroll

🏴‍☠️ One Piece Vol. 8: I Won’t Die by Eiichiro Oda

What books did you enjoy? 😊

[0and0its0doctor0]

Welcome! Masterlist!

Hello and welcome! My name is Bella, I am 32, I write Criminal Minds fanfiction for Aaron Hotchner, Spencer Reid and David Rossi. Please feel free to send story suggestions or prompt ideas or just say Hi! Here is a little masterlist of my current stories. 

Aaron Hotchner

I don't dance Summary: Aaron had a bad day. Twirling you around the kitchen makes him feel better.

I won't let go Summary: You wake up thinking everything is perfect. In reality you've been stabbed.

Unsub Kisses Summary: Aaron has to go undercover and makes out with the unsub. You get jealous.

You are the only thing I need. Like coffee in the morning Summary: Aaron asks you out…in front of everyone.

Why Wait? Summary: Vegas hotels have wedding chapels in the lobby. Aaron makes a decision.

Love you out loud Summary: Hotch cuddles. What could be better?

Shut up and dance with me! Summary: When you are asked to attend the annual FBI Gala you dress up. Hotch can't help himself.

Hostage Kisses Summary: He didn't mean to kiss you....No that's a lie. He totally did.

Sandwich Hearts Summary: You make Aaron's lunch and he gets lightly teased for it.

Lipstick smeared accidents Summary: When Aaron is checking over an injury on you he just can't help himself.

Keep on dreaming Summary: You fall asleep smushed between Aaron and David.

I’m dirty but you play clean 18+. Summary: Handcuffs. Hotchner. Lack of clothing.

I will not give you up this time Summary: Facebook memories are bringing you down. Aaron decides to do something about it. 

They tell me your blue sky’s faded to gray Summary: You can't sleep. Aaron helps. 

Asleep on the jet Summary: You fall asleep on Aaron’s shoulder on the jet.

Do I deserve this hurting? Summary: Your depression is plaguing you. Aaron helps comfort you. 

Spencer Reid

Marry me today and everyday Summary: Spencer has never been more nervous for anything in his life.

Heat Stroke Summary: You are self-conscious about the scars on your arms so you wear long sleeves. And wind up getting heat stroke. Spencer takes care of you.

We've all got bruises Summary: You mess up on a case and take it out on yourself. Spencer finds out and confronts you about it.

Sleep Issues Summary: Spencer can't sleep. You help just by being there.

There's no turning back now Summary: First kisses can be a scary thing.

Why? That's what I keep asking Summary: You don't fit in with anyone anymore. You can't keep faking it. You're so sorry.

Tonight will be the night I will fall for you Summary: Spencer suspects your boyfriend is beating you. When you show up on his doorstep, beaten, he vows to protect you.

They say we're crazy, I say well maybe that's true. Summary: Spencer is having a bad mental health day. You try to help him

I’ll wear out the words I love you Summary: Spencer finally asks the question that’s been on his mind for months…just not when and where you’d expect

So I’ll leave you gagged and bound Summary: You have been dating Aaron Hotchner for a few months and when he introduces you to the team Spencer Reid can't help but fall in love. The problem is Spencer's mental health is declining and fast. When he gets fired and realizes he has nothing to lose...he takes you. Will Aaron find you in time?

A subtle interest Summary: Emily drags Spencer to see her ballerina friend perform. Spencer falls fast. 

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage Summary: Spencer is not doing well. This is not a happy story. Trigger warnings apply. 

David Rossi

You belong to me I believe Summary: An unsub gets a little too flirty with you. David steps in.

Date Night 18+  Summary: Bella is new to the FBI and literally runs into David Rossi who she happens to have a massive crush on. He takes her out to dinner and they wind up on his couch.

[youcalledmebabe]

any headcanons for web's family...?

well yes! first I have to say that to me the definitive depiction of the Websters is in the excellent beat a slow dance. and so that was very formative for some of my general thoughts on Web’s family. also generally speaking in my mind web’s relationship with his family depends on the fic and the universe it takes place in. in babe’s anatomy he’s fairly close with them while in visions made of flesh and light he feels very distant from them. anyway more thoughts under the cut!

to me, the most interesting and mostly (to my knowledge) unexplored dynamic in Web’s family in fic is that he has an older brother!!! hashtag let frank be in fic. although I do find it very funny that Frank was first and Web got the nod of being named after his dad. very andy bernard. anyway web as the second son makes a lot of sense to me; the gestures toward rebellion (trying to run away on a fishing boat, joining the paratroops) and his insecurities. I imagine him growing up in Frank’s shadow and feeling a lot of simultaneous love and resentment for his brother. in my mind Frank is the Webster golden boy; the dutiful son who makes dad proud and who mom can brag about. he’s handsome and athletic and smart. he does what he’s supposed to; works for the family business and marries a nice girl. web envies him the steadiness of his life and the approval of their parents but frank envies web’s freedom and creativity. so despite the complexities of their relationship I imagine Frank is the sibling he’s the closest to.

John…honestly I don’t have a lot of thoughts about him. the third son is an odd place to be; you’re not the heir or the spare. he also doesn’t get to be the baby of the family because of Ann. he’s a couple years younger than the other two and so he’s left out of their close relationship more often than not. I think he probably compensates for feeling invisible by acting out. party boy john webster!

Ann is the baby and the only girl so I’d say she feels pretty secure in her position. she’s closest to John but all the boys and their parents dote on her. Ann is a little silly and spoiled but definitely sharp. she one hundred percent goes to one of the seven sisters colleges—maybe Radcliffe, to be like her brothers—and has dreams of being a career girl.

I’m addicted to imagining Joan and David Sr as Emily and Richard Gilmore. Joan is very involved in her children’s lives while David is mostly distant from them, with the exception of Frank, the heir apparent. Web craves his father’s approval because of David’s distance; he’s an untouchable pedestal figure, almost a god. Joan and David aren’t bad people, exactly, but I don’t imagine them to be very good parents. they both have favorites and it’s painfully obvious to the children. even with all the tension and resentment at the heart of their family dynamic I imagine them spending a lot of time together—long family vacations, drawn out phone calls, regular letters.

and I do think web’s family LIKES joe a lot. doesn’t necessarily approve of him. or love that that’s who Web picked (for different reasons in canon vs modern au). but they are all varying degrees of charmed by him.

so yes those are my basic thoughts about the websters! they’re going to play a major part in my hot pgymalion summer webgott fic (and have a big cameo in web’s anatomy) so I’m excited to try my hand at writing them. oh and just for fun I imagine Frank as Tom Welling and John as David Corenswet (for the Superman of it all) and Ann as Rory Gilmore. this is part of the reason web seems pretty unaware of his beauty; it’s nothing extraordinary in his family, they all just look good!

[gh0stlyb34r]

Welcome to my blog !

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when using pet names or gendered terms, keep them masc or gn NO FEM TERMS

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more...

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[avenging-fandoms]

publishing old drafts and finishing a few :)

-

"A dinner lesson at Rossi's? Sounds fun." Emily smiled and you glanced at Aaron who was reading over a file and look at Spencer.

"You going, pretty boy?" You smile at Spencer and Aaron's eyes immediately landed on you. He hated when you called Spencer that. Aaron wanted every sweet nickname that fell out of your mouth to be towards him. Not Reid, Not Morgan. No one.

"I might." He shrugs and looks at you, a soft smile on your face as you rub his arm. Aaron clenched his jaw and looked down as you looked over at him. You nod at Emily and stand up, heading over to Hotch and sitting across from him, crossing your legs.

"You're near me quite a lot on the plane, you might get people talking, Agent." Aaron spoke lowly.

"Not to fear, Sir." Aaron's dark eyes looked at you. "As the team's liaison, they really don't talk. But they might notice you staring when I talk to other agents."

"When you flirt with other agents."

"Flirt? Sir, it's strictly against the rules for agents to mingle with one another, I wouldn't dare flirt with agents on the team." Aaron's lip curled softly and you smile, standing up and touching his arm subtly as you head to the couch and fall asleep with the top of your head against Derek's thigh.

His arm rested softly on your head as he also fell asleep with his headphones on, your feet hanging off the arm of the couch as you two slept the rest of the way home.

-

You lean over the counter in your seat with your wine glass in front of you, Hotch standing next to you with Emily on the other side. His hand held on the back of your chair, and it made your head spin every time you turned his way to talk to JJ.

"Sorry I'm late." Spencer walked through the door and you turn in your chair with a smile.

"Pretty boy." You nod and Aaron blocks your view of Spencer a bit with his body as he moves over to talk to Emily, which made you roll your eyes as you turn your head.

Rossi held up his glass and cheers everyone, your glasses clinking together as a full team again. You lock eyes with Hotch and take a sip of your wine, and he knew exactly what wine does to you.

You all sit around the table while eating the delicious food and sipping wine. You were sipping your third glass as music starts to play, making you and Spencer jump.

"Now it's a party!" David exclaims and you all cheer, standing up and heading to his patio. You sway your hips with your girls as you laugh, the wine getting to your head as soon as you started to move.

Derek danced his way over and you placed a hand on his back, letting him join the circle as you two danced with your backs against one another with your head back. You finish your drink and head over to the table for another glass that was tucked in its own room.

"I think you've had enough, Agent." Hotch's voice spoke from above you and roll your eyes. "Do not roll your eyes at me, Agent. You can barely walk in your heels anymore, what makes you want another drink? So you can fall over?"

"So I'm not so uptight like some people."

Aaron made sure everyone was occupied before taking you into the closest room he could find and locked the door, pushing you against the wall as he rubbed his hands roughly down your sides, gripping your ass tightly. "Are you saying I'm uptight, Agent?"

It was pitch black, you could only know where Aaron was by the sound of his voice or huffs he made. Your nails scratch his back under his shirt as you pulled his hips into you. "If the shoe fits.." You breathe against his mouth and kiss him roughly, gripping his hair as you push your hips into his.

"How dare you speak to your Unit Chief like that? I should punish you." His voice was dark, fading as he traveled down to kneel. His large hands push up your dress, hiding his head underneath as he kissed the inside of your thighs.

A light flicked on and he quickly stood up, the both of you panicking. The light turns off and you sigh, but the door swings open. "I knew one day I'd catch you two together, but I never thought it'd be my own house."

"Dave, I want to apologize for-" Aaron started and David held his hand up, pressing a finger to his lips.

"Your secret's safe with me. But with a team full of profilers, I'd be careful, you two." David pointed and you nodded.

"Of course, thank you. We're so sorry." You apologize and David smiles.

"I'll make something up, why don't you two go home. They never question my lies." He winks and you chuckle, thanking him and apologizing as you walk past him. Him and Aaron chat for a bit and he follows you to the car shortly after you grabbed your bag.

Aaron shut the door and kissed you roughly as soon as it slammed. "I cannot wait to take you home." He growled as he pushed your head back with his thumb, kissing your neck.

"Then put the keys in, sir. Can't get anywhere without them." You sit back in your seat and he starts the car, holding the inside of your thigh as he drove. "Mine or yours?"

"Yours. All the fun things are over there."

"My handcuffs are in my car."

Hotch reaches in his backseat and holds his in his palm and you laugh. "I love watching your fingers desperately move behind your back to try and touch me, I always have a backup."

[alldancersaretalented]

Duos/Trios 23/24

Here's a small collection of Duos/Trios sorted by dance studio!

4PM Dance:

Mila Madriles, Kennadie Wright - Hey Mickey

Avi's Dance Project:

Aubree Ginter, Coraline McClintock - Only Hope

Terryn Jackson, Sydney Williams - Let Me Think

Christine He, Nicole He - Home

Mariah Merrigan, Kaydence Thomas - Secret Symphony

Aubrey Avila, Alyssa Garay - Islands

Molly Croll, Ella Siders - Stand By Me

Evianna Granado, Ana Roman - We'll Be Fine

Alexa Estep, Caylin Garcia - Song For You

Bobbie's School of Performing Arts:

?? - Not A Mountain

?? - Don't Give Me Up

?? - Life's What You Make It

?? - LiourI

?? - Only Ever Loved Your Ghost

?? - I'm Through

Canadian Dance Company:

Ellianna Buck, Olivia Colozza, Delia Wu - Freeway

Emma Lee, Emma Phillippe, Stella Savage - On Broadway

Olivia Colozza, Filip Lipiec - Hard To Handle

Alexandra de Groot, Kadence Wright, Clara Zhao - Snowing

Callista Crowe, Damian Shillis - Every Little Thing

Jessica Battley, Kadence Wright - Swing Phenomenon

Jessie Alfaro Kazula, Sabrina Digings - Feet Don't Fail Me Now

Ryan Blackburn, Callista Crowe - Anything You Can Do

Damian Shillis, Sophia Van Haastrecht - Last Night

Cydnee Abbott, Chloe Greenfield, Sadie Wen - Mind-Link

David Blackburn, Arianna Frano - Moves Like Jagger

Therese Marie Adap, Sadie Wen, Avery Yoo - Aaab

Therese Marie Adap, Oliwia Lipiec, Avery Yoo- Contra

Aliyah Demone, Irene Rose Santos, Analia Theofilopoulos - Glitch

Ella Boughner, Lauren Gibbon, Anna Volkova - Drive

Lauren Gibbon, Olivia Granic, Gabriella Seixeiro- TBA

Lauren Gibbon, Brandon Yoo- Die Trying

Olivia Granic, Gabriella Seixeiro - On The Jazz Four

Center Stage Performing Arts Studio:

Addalyn Daley, Coco Gonzales, Ivy McEwan - Run The World

Kate Baker, Violet Schwarz, Anistyn Larsen - The Grudge (Shannon Mather)

Kylie Lawrence, Elliana Wilson - Say A Little Prayer

Tessa Ohran, Rory Frye, Hadlee Heriford - We Could Stay (Noelle Marsh)

?? - Evening Ceremony

?? - Inside

Club Dance Studio:

Ellary Day Szyndlar, Sylvie Win Szyndlar - Dreamscapes (Jenn Peterson)

Ellary Day Szyndlar, Sylvie Win Szyndlar - La Rapture (Brady Farrar)

Danceology:

Amelia Principe, Annalisa Francis, Mackenzie Hammer - Diamonds

?? - Big Love

?? - Party Girls

Penny Harris, Brody Schaffer - My Girl

?? - Nana's Flowers

Aspen Bloem, Annelise Hseih, Ryee Kameya - Funk Soul Brother

?? - Tres Chicas

?? - Tick Tick Boom

?? - Rhythm X 2

Dance Deluxe:

Haven Bryan, Adriana Houlihan, Adaline Louderback - You're Invited

Allie Aston, Livian Bailey, Lily Conaway - Hollywood

Jake Roberts, Stella Roberts - We Go Together

Emerson Mullan, Avery Stephens, Adelina Quintanilla - Hocus Pocus

Brighton Taylor, Briele Bailey, Remi Skidmore - Big Finish

Kamdyn Arnold, Haylie Birchman, Aracely Lee - Snap

Eva Gonzalez, Remi Skidmore - Snowing

Gage Davis, Vanessa Soto - Somebody

Gage Davis, Vanessa Soto - Falling Slowly

Dance Enthusiasm:

Liesl Dowdy, Margot Phelps - Shake Your Groove Thing

Kayleigh Stoler, Violet Werner - Sign Of The Times

Julia Visan, Olivia Visan - Optical Prism

Shelby Ellis, Kayleigh Stoler - Made For You

Olivia Visan, Violet Werner - Explosion

Jazmine Raine Werner, Violet Werner - Time

Amelia Gonzales, Kayleigh Stoler - Dream On

Malia Gazda, Paige Kim - Falling Leaves

Shelby Ellis, Janea Latimer - Let Me Follow

Taelyn Albrecht, Paige Kim - Refugees

Taelyn Albrecht, Jazmine Raine Werner - One Sec

Taelyn Albrecht, Alexa Lynn - Carry You

Christina Kalafatis, Emily Zolla - Hocus Pocus

Dance Precisions:

Aliyana Denham, Aniyia Ortega, Kennedy Wong - Think

Everly Park, Skylie Schreppel, Grecia Underwood - Like This Like That

Emma Orr, Xara Sakhrani, Charlotte Stirling - Shake Your Tailfeather

Elleyna Kadera, Raegan Wendell - I Feel Good

Sydney Ko, Londyn Nevois - Nowadays

Dance Town:

Belle Marie Arauz, Amanda Carpenter - My Dolphin And Me

Krystal Alvarez, Luna Santana, Arantza Sardinha - Con Altura

?? - Without You

Elektro Dance Academy:

Niah Corpeno, June Townley - Butterfly

Elite Dance Pro:

Peyton De La Cerda, Valynnita Mei, Alice Yan - Forget About That Boy

Alexa Schwarze, Summer Skousen, Chloe Tarwater - Fleur

Olivia Quintana, Ella Rempfer, Charlotte Woodside - Bang Bang

Carlin Ciocchetti, Lily Douglas, Sophia Schiano - To Falter

Elite Danceworx:

?? - Life Is Circles

?? - Make It Matter

?? - Cranes In The Sky

?? - Third Dream

?? - Free To Form

?? - All In The Same Breath

?? - The Beauty of Dissolving Portraits

Epic Dance Complex:

?? - Let You Know

Evolve Dance Company:

Olivia Bennett, Adeline Vogt - Wash That Man

George Grech, Jaydnn Mendez - Creeks

Alexa Kunishige, Ava Sparks - Thousand Eyes

George Grech, Vivian Grech - Groove Is In The Heart

Ava Banuelos, Sienna Thor - Don't

Trinity Hastings, Tanziana Contino, Viviana Contino - Iris

Evolve Dance Complex:

Dylann Sebes, Brynley Brett - It's Raining Men

Jossi Josephic, Hallie Oberhofer, Deanna Tierno - Bites The Dust

Ella Martindale, Natalie Vinton - Sweet Dreams

Kyleigh Harbarger, Lola Rodi - Adios To You

Andrew Spalvieri, Abby Spalvieri - Devil Went Down To Georgia

Cami Vorhees, Elyse Wingertsahn - Stay Away

Samuel Evans, Onna Williams - Implacable Hearts

Evoke Dance Movement:

?? - Boogie Shoes

?? - About Today

?? - Come Let Us

Imperial Dance:

Malia Gandy, Dayana Hernandez, Sophia Solano - Took The Night

Isabella Cruz, Eliyan Rall, Zarielle Trimmings - Call Me Mother

Myla Durand, Anaya MIchell, Sofia Velazquez - Run To You

Aria Edmond, Sarai Trimmings, Savannah Yard - Secure The Bag

Sophia Basso, Sophia Solano - Mini Me

Leyla Bedoya, Marley Cheron, Gabriella Cuadrado - This Woman's Work

Aryanna Anujar, Sophia Basso, Hannah Galantai - Amor

Marlon Cheron, Layla Hernandez, Arianna Velazquez - Love Me Or Leave Me

K2 Studios:

Emery Cordero, Rylai Orozco - Safe And Sound

Belle Anguiano, Sadie Anguiano - Beautiful Thing

Juniper Balatero, Rosalind Balatero - Stand By Me

Lilly Douglas, Penelope Lee - Breakin Dishes

Ella Cordero, Alani Hernandez, Jiselle Saavedra - Dem Girlz

Riley Fernandez, Nicholas Turner - I Follow

Jessica Sutton, Rebecca Sutton - Fix You

Adiyah Ayres, Kynzli Reece - Madness

Ariana Gomez, Neriah Karmann, Nicholas Turner - Unbreak

Neriah Karmann, Abby Viramontes - Save Me

Alex Almeida, Zoey Garcia - River

Love Acierto, Alex Almeida, Jordan Wallace - Be Alright

Tessa Andelkovic, Jade Castaneda - Monsters

Larkin Dance Studio:

Stella Ames, Jade Glyzinski, Harper Kill - How Long Will I Love You

Hallee Anderson, Gigi Shea, Sailor Stormoen - Bird On A Wire

Elia Cocchiarella, Eleanor Lamers - Checkerboard

Savannah Jackson, Maylin Munos, Neala Murphy - Dream

Matinly Conrad, Chase Lang - When I Was Your Man

Evie McCune-Barrett, Truett Ziemke - As Long As You Love Me

Lexie Charnstrom, Scarlett Manzel, Evie Mccune-Barrett - Change

Maddie Kulenkamp, Brody Lanoux - Mr. Postman

Mila Ayshford, Tillie Kuhl, Palmer Peltier - The Trumpet In My Head

Lilly Anderson, Bella Charnstrom, Malia Scott - Too Tightly

Jemma Eisenbrei, Mia Kostinovski, Hailey Turnbull - Gold

Finley Ashfield, Kelsie Jacobson, Savannah Manzel - Picture Perfect

Sienna Powers, Hazel Semans, Savannah Werner - A Noise I Once Heard

Belle Hughes, Maizie Hughes - Near Me

Erik Barker, Laci Bloss - To The Moon

Lola Boisen, Sarah St Cyr - Twilight

Matissa Conrad, Tahari Conrad, Ava Rothmund - Eternal Voice

Kate Monge, Giselle Mourad, Harlow Pike - To One's Perception

Laci Bloss, Daphnie Braun, Kira Riessner - Allure

Caleb Abea, Keira Redpath - Empty Apology

Isabella Jarvis, Claire Monge, Keira Redpath - Stuck In Pause

Miami Dance Company:

Varia Mari, Brooke Martin, Kylie Sanchez - Rise Together

Michelle Latimer Dance Academy:

Lindsey Gruidel, Tatum Jackson, Savanna Pitcher - Deeper Love

Lindsey Gruidel, Tatum Jackson, Savanna Pitcher - What It Means To Be Human

Murrieta Dance Project:

Rylan Ashley, Sierra Koops - That Beautiful Sound

Lily Dejoya, Carter Ruiz - Total Eclipse

Brooklyn Coronado, Jaclyn Coronado - Can't Let Go

N10:

Kailyn Nong, Emma Vianzon - When Doves Cry

Juliana Kang, Emmersyn Van - Little Fluffy Clouds

New Level Dance Company:

Gisele Alpendre, Haley Raines - Wherever You Will Go

Francesca Caputo, Harper Stein - Until We Bleed

Natalie Frantzen, Noelle Klug - Fix You

Charlotte Danford, Beata Polunin - Paint It Black

Brooklyn Bailey, Sabryn Stein - Tragedy

Marisa Bruno, Ainsley Rice - Black Car

Charlotte Dister, Taylor Lapointe - Selah

Elle Bonner, Myiah Brown - Awards Night

Noretta Dunworth School of Dance:

Ella Saad, Sophie Saad - Venus

Lily Marshall, Daisy Nuznov - Carry Me

Maria Carpenter, Camille Moore - ??

Stella Bennett, Sophia Cialkowski - ??

Isabella Jaczynski, Danica Lentz - Tumbling Lights

Lily Saad, Mila Saad - Ain't Nothing Wrong With That

?? - Last Goodbye

?? - Lucky Ladies

?? - Big Finish

thanks!

Orange County Performing Arts Academy:

Bailey Chalmers, Kiera Simon - What's On The Menu

Everleigh Alonzo, Annabelle Bright, Camila Valdez - Emergency

Harper Bridge, Elle Dahl, Raegan Gold - Conga

Olivia Montano, Hayden Peterson, Parker Seymour - Space Jam

Elizabeth Leiter, Hannah Wright - Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

PAVE School of the Arts:

Aniston Maurer, Lola Mesa, Sophia Smith - Mr. Postman

Claire Devine, Emma Wishart - Showtime

Ashlynn Fairfield, Rebecca Kessler - Dancing Machine

Annelise Chan, Kirsten Kim - Zero To Hero

Stella Fisk, Emi Hoang - Creep (Sasha Dee)

Stella Fisk, Emi Hoang - Tightrope

Kensington Arrendondo, Talia Donaldson, Kassidy Luong - Diamonds

Paisley Branch, Kira Guchko - Angels

Kaylee Baldwin, Kaylee Townsend - Women Be Wise

Hayden Calder, Wavy Hazen - Nowadays

Joah Moore, Bryn Zimmerman - Look

Charlotte Minhas, Phoebe Black - Gimme Gimme

Oliver Hincy, Olivia Battle - Moving Pictures

Adriana Krall, Alexa Krall - It's All Coming Back To Me

Emersyn Fee, Sienna Hardin - Everytime It Rains

Kailey Longshore, Peach MIller, Ella Smallwood - Bassline

Spree Hazen, Ava Kendall - Tell Him

Ava Zimmerman, Kate Allen - Silhouete

Project 21:

Kami Couch, Katie Couch - To Cross Paths

Renner Dance Company:

?? - End Of The Line

?? - Climb Every Mountain

?? - Pixies

Charlotte Bailey, Madeline Collier - I Enjoy Being A Girl

Charlotte Lewis, Olivia Siri - Sugar And Spice

?? - Dog Days

Leighton Crump, Seneca Hrdina - Found

Emily Fedirow, Presely Krohn - Surround You

Ella Garrett, Grace Snider - Girls Night Out

?? - Never Grow Up

Rose Mangan, Brantley Meador - Dancing On The Moon

?? - You Are My Sister

?? - In The Distance

Sophia January, Stella January - Inside

Sarah Martin Duncan, Ensley King - A Winter Story

Claire Naismith, Lauren Stubbs - Ends Of The Earth

?? - Pressure

?? - What Might Have Been Lost

?? - Still Life

Stars Dance Studio:

?? - Proserpina

?? - Rollin'

?? - Mirrors

?? - Here On This Hill

Studio 19 Dance Complex:

Frances Farone, Mackenzie Smith, Leira Wilbon - California Cuties

Brynleigh Kerestes, Kallie McKenna - Small Word

Nitalia Manilla, Alessia Price - Think

Landry Blosser, Brynleigh Kerestes - Sugar And Spice

Ashlynn Bickford, Iris Edwards, Charlotte Haas Itsy Bitsy Spider

Harper Miller, Sloane Sherrets - Opposites Attract

Scarlett Fornear, Olivia Fornear - Good Company

Maddie Maker, Sadie Vaccaro - If We Hold On Together

Maddie Chiplock, Maddie Maker, Addison Smith - Venus

Claire Osche, Grace Sypien - Holly Rock

Mila Jaymes, Brooklyn Schirripa, Evelyn Woodburn - Gonna Get Ya

Carina Lavella, ?? - Mr. Sandman

Sienna Arias, Atalia Spagnolo - State Of Shock

Tia Adams, Sienna Arias, Ella Laughlin - Meeting In The Ladies Room

Sofia Farone, Brooklyn Schirripa - Good Versus Evil

Avery Organ, Evelyn Woodburn - Sassy X's Two

Camia Adams, Kendall Nace - We're Gonna Party

Gianna Cugliari, Melanie Steed - Silent Night

Gianna Cugliari, Madison Makowski, Karsyn Schifino - Choose Your Path

Alexandra Bayles, Antonia Spagnolo, Haley Steed - Scarborough Fair

Kileigh Davison, Sophia Haas, Sophia Lapina - Bad Apples

Calista Herbst, Emma Schrock - Ashes

Haley Steed, Hannah Steed - Tappin With My Twin

Lexi Pompa, Taylor Williams - Troubled Waters

Gia Booker, Aliana Spagnolo - Running With The Wolves

Ella Barch, Keira McKenna - Carry You

Mia Jackson, Ava Means - Don't Stop The Groove

Ellie Rosenwasser, Mia Mirabile - In The Hold Of A Dream (Chelsea Jennings)

Soleil Herbst, Mia Jackson - Hold Me Down

Emily Holcomb, Becca Kohler, Allie Philips - Why

Millie Julius, Rowan Mansfield, Ciera Ragula - Islands

Haley Engelmore, Raelyn Rectemwald, Kyleigh Turner - She's Not Me (Talia Flavia)

Tessa Pagone, Madeline Schrock, Addison Vargo- Hold On Tight

Studio 702:

Grace Peralta, Kamea Solidum, Reese Tolentino - Balacobaco

Aalayah Perkins, Breanna Tenney - Belly of the Beast

Charley Lehman, Faith Letourneau - Cyber Surveillance

Redle Edler, Alysa Owen - Vulgar

Studio X Dance Complex:

Emery Bourne, Braxy Montana, Karter Strong - Proud Mary

Emma Acosta, Hannah Martinez - Free Me (Victoria Wootem)

Kambria Keegan, Berkeley McGrath - Dangerous

Berkeley McGrath, Abigail Weber - Rain

Summit Dance Shoppe:

Jemma Scates, Shayla Scates - Girls Night Out

Meadow Majkrzak, Brooklyn Peterson, Malia Reuter - Luminous

Monroe Johnson, Zoey Schelitzche,  Camryn Westrum - Best Of My Love

Katy Lawrence, Tova Thompson, Greta Wagner - Stop

Audrey Boro, Nora Turunen, Finley Weigelt - I Believe

Kinsley Fairchild, Annie Zechmeister - Carmen

Lily Buchholz, Calia McArdle, Emma Misuraco-Janish - Carry You

Temecula Dance Compancy:

Amara Fisher, Alana Kalahiki, Luke Noss - A Little Less Conversation

Bailey Dalton, Teaghan O'Reilly, Cece Radach - Calling All B.B.S.

Ava Aflague, Anaya Johnson, Ava Thammavong - Soy Yo

James Hetsko, Jocelyn Hetsko - Mr. Zoot Suit

Hudson Locke, Jake Pribyl, Vera Spencer - 3D

Audrey Fite, Piper Conway, Alyssa Vinskey - It's A Mood

Andrea Tylman, Ella Zhang - Forever Friends

Paige Caveney, Giada Gariffo, Brinleigh O'Reilly - F.U.N.

Scarlett Berroteran, Ta'ina Gonzalez, Princess Sanchez - Shake That

Kyrstin Duquid, Brooklyn Powell, Ava Radach - Scheibe

Carter Roa, Lacey Walker - I Love You But Don't Trust You

TheCREW:

?? - Diamonds

?? - Chase

?? - Skinny

The NINE Dance Academy:

Abigail Mathias, Evelyn Rego, Ella Waltman - Material Girls

Charolette Baldassarra, Laurina Lin, Gia Traficante-Petrozzi - New York New York

Sienna Di Pietro, Mia Jorge, Alina Sedova - Statues

Molly Kravetz, London Mandell, Ashley Shultz - Piano Man

Nathaniel Chua, Tristan Redly, Ashley Shultz - Is There Somebody

Emily Bertola, Jessica Brettone, Lily Kravetz - What Lies In The Balance

Nathaniel Chua, Shaunaughsey Meagher - Bound To You

The Vision Dance Alliance:

Julia Amato, Violet McGuire - Void (Jess Malafronte)

Julia Amato, Emily Polis - Willow Bends (Jess Malafronte)

Caitlyn Polis, Emily Polis - Two Organs (Jess Malafronte)

Caitlyn Polis, Maddie Polis, Emily Polis - You Are Every Memory (Jess Malafronte)

Caitlyn Polis, Hannah Beatty - Claim It (Jess Malafronte)

Caitlyn Polis, Maddie Polis - Human Touch (Jess Malafronte)

Vlad's Dance Company:

?? - Without Hesitation

?? - Not To Be Forgotten

Westside Dance Project:

Isabella Kouznetsova, Diana Kouznetsova - Cells Divide (Timmy Blankenship)

Isabella Kouznetsova, Diana Kouznetsova - Sharp Dialogue (Alina Krasovskaya)

Esme Chou, Tegan Chou - Amaru

West Florida Dance Company:

Marlow Hess, Lola Bryant - All That Jazz (Jess Disalvo)

Macey Strickland, Stella Brogan - Shot Me Down (Struther White)

Scarlett Griffin, Sophia Griffin - If I Could

Lily Hackney, Reagan Hess, Desa Jankes - Movies (Jess Disalvo)

Ava Kim, Natalie Kim - Sunshine

Bella DiBenedetto, Aubrey Haugh - Swim Good

Stella Fowler, Caleb Monnell - Your Angel

Hudson Heath, Caleb Monnell, Indy Ray - Bad Romance

Woodbury Dance Center:

Ian Stegeman, Skylar Wong - Depth Over Distance

Wyatt Brisson, Klaire Simek - What Weighs Me Down

Caleigh Proulx, Samuel Sharp Jr. - Glacier

West Coast School of the Arts:

Isla Benedetti, Olivia Conner, Aubrey Minadeo - Werk

Kinsley Cooper, Larkin Low, Paige Perez - Jail House Rock

Genevieve Lee, Marlee Ninofranco - Eyes In The Back Of My Head

Lily Meghdadi, Mila Osgood - Young And Beautiful

Skylar Nixon, Dakotah Robinett - Play That Sax

Alexa Perez, Mackenzie Perez - Opening Up

McKinley Barragan, Kensie Lee, Ayla Mohtashami - In The Zone

Madison Fontanilla, Marlee Ninofranco - Journey Of You And I

Lyric Low, Camdyn Mitchell, Makayla Tran - Everybody Needs A Best Friend

Ally Cheung, Casey Cheung - How It Ends

Leyna Huynh, Sophia Thayer-Pham - Move

Ally Cheung, Gabi D'Ambra, Sophia Oppegard - Poison And Wine

Yoko's Dance and Performing Arts Academy:

Priscilla Huang, Isabelle Shi, Grace Yan - Firework

Arielle Konaris, Anaya Seals, Avery Yamaguchi - I'll Get You Home

Michelle C. Wang, Alexander Wang - Why Don't You

Kaelani Carlson, Isabel Dela Cruz - When The Party's Over

Fiona Wu, Raina Wu - Bitter And Sweet (Megan Ellis)

Avery Du, Grace Koo - Black Horse And A Cherry Tree

Samantha Tan, Isabelle Tang - How To Save A Life

[llovelymoonn]

favourite poems of december

torrin a. greathouse ekphrasis on nude selfie as portrait of saint sebastian

snehal vadher hello flowers and cigarettes

robert pinsky death and the powers: a robot pageant

wendy barker taking a language

cindy juyoung ok terms and conditions

carl phillips this far in

christian wiman hard night: “the ice storm”

cathy linh che split: “the german word for dream is traume”

linda hogan when the body

david trinidad the late show: “a regret”

omotara james my mother’s nerves are shot--

marie howe the good thief: “death, the last visit”

kaveh akbar portrait of the alcoholic floating in space with severed umbilicus

donald britton in the empire of the air: “italy”

snehal vadher figures in a windswept language

jane wong after preparing the alter, the ghosts feast feverishly

ofelia zepeda ocean power: “deer dance exhibition”

lucille clifton good woman: poems and a memoir, 1969-1980: “the lost baby poem”

emily pérez dworzec

ouyang jianghe mother, kitchen (tr. austin woerner)

cathy linh che i walked through the trees, mourning

sam willets tourist

ed bok lee whorled: “if in america”

dan gerber marriage

matthew rohrer poem written with issa [“a friend emails”]

richard siken crush: “litany in which certain things are crossed out”

april bernard anger

claudia rankine citizen: “you are in the dark, in the car...”

barbara hamby letter to a lost friend

joy harjo everybody has a heartache: a blues

cathy linh che go forget your father

kofi

[the-guilty-writer]

The Big Game and Revelations

Agent Rossi-Reid

Anthology Masterlist

David Rossi x daughter!reader,  Spencer Reid x reader, Criminal minds x BAU!reader

Summary: A fun night out with the team turns into a case, which turns into a disaster, which turns into Rossi-Reid’s own personal Hell.

A/N: Ah, yes… this one should be interesting and after the Super Bowl I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. I did try to get this out on the night of the Super Bowl but I fell asleep trying to finish it. I think it was worth the extra week it took to write it though.

CW: Rewrite of S2E14 and E15 so it’s heavy, very minor suicidal idealation.

---

You were actually excited about the Super Bowl this year for one reason and one reason only… 

The Chicago Bears were playing.

And you had a bet with Derek Morgan. The two of you had pooled a week's worth of paperwork each… and the loser had to do all of it.

Of course Derek had his love for Chicago and team spirit on his side.

But you had Peyton Manning.

And Spencer Reid.

Before placing the bet, you had pulled up all the statistics and you and your husband spent your day off deciding mathematically, who would be the most likely to win Super Bowl XLI. Ultimately, the formula that Spencer had come up with predicted the Colts would come out on top. The next day you didn't hesitate to challenge Morgan, and with his competitive spirit and hometown honor on the line, he couldn't resist the bet.

A hopeful blow to Morgan's ego wasn't the only reason you had wagered with him, though. With a whole week of paperwork off your plate, you'd be able to take the Friday after Valentine's day off so you and Spencer could take a mini vacation.

Spencer knew this was the plan the moment you'd given him the stack of papers filled with player stats. He was looking forward to it too.

The entire team, with the exception of Gideon, was at a local bar. You and Spencer were sitting at a table with a few people you'd met, Spencer impressing them with his extensive knowledge of Star Trek. Morgan was on the dance floor, Penelope was shamelessly watching him, JJ was kicking ass at darts. You saw Prentiss bringing drinks toward a table, noticing that Hotch had even brought Haley for the occasion. Quietly, you excused yourself to go say hi to them.

Besides, it was good for Spencer to be left without you sometimes. The last few cases you’d spent more time with other members of the team. Part of that had to do with the nature of the cases, but part of it also had to do with the fact that Gideon had asked you to watch over Emily. You weren’t sure if it was as Agent Gideon who trusted your evaluation of another agent's abilities, or Uncle Jason who knew that you really needed more friends; but it meant that you’d worked with her on a few consults and even been paired together on a case.

The shift in dynamics had forced a shift in Spencer. You could see that slowly, but surely, the confidence in him at work was growing, and you loved to see it. It was in the little ways he would tease Morgan back now, or that he didn’t hesitate to bother Prentiss while she was in the middle of paperwork. Even though the ordeal with Nathan Harris had been tragic, watching Spencer take a role of someone older and wiser, yet still compassionate and still himself, showed you how much he had grown since you’d first met him.

“How are they treating you at the BAU, Emily?” You heard Haley say as you approached them.

“She means, am I being nice to you?” Hotch said.

“Actually, everyone has been incredibly nice.” Emily smiled.

“I think it’d be nice if the boss covered all our drinks tonight,” you said as you walked up beside Emily.

Haley laughed and Hotch cracked a smile. “For everyone but you, (Y/N),” he said.

You faked offense, bringing a hand to your chest before turning to the Hotchner. You knew she always got a kick out of your theatrics. “Haley, do you see how he treats me?”

Haley laughed again. “You be nice to her,” she scolded Hotch playfully. He pouted and she laughed again. “I swear you two bicker like siblings.”

Hotch was about to say something when Garcia interrupted. “Look at him move.” The 'him' in question was Morgan, and the move in question was… questionable. He hadn’t even noticed the Bears had lost. “He’s like a cat.”

“More like a dog!” You and Emily said at the same time. Both of you grinned. Gideon had truly created a monster by making the two of you work together.

“He did not ask them to dance. They asked him,” Garcia defended.

“Okay,” Emily said. “Okay, he’s a cat.”

“An alley cat,” Haley commented. You nodded in agreement.

“Come on, Haley, let’s go show them how it’s done,” Hotch said as he grabbed her hand.

“I’m game if you are!” Haley looked at you as Hotch led her away. You faked a retch, making her giggle.

“That’s so sweet!” Emily sighed a bit.

“It gets a little gross after twelve years,” you told her. “Especially when I had to listen to him pin nonstop for the first two years they dated… "Oh I never thought she’d love me, why do I have to go on a case for twenty four hours away from my love, oh why, why, why’…” You tried your best to mock young Hotch in love.

“So you and Reid won’t be gross in another eight years?” Emily asked.

You watched Hotch spin Haley around on the dancefloor, both of them simply enjoying the presence of one another. The way they moved with one another had nothing to do with acts of lust (unlike Morgan who was… being Morgan), and everything to do with knowing a person inside and out. Hotch leaned in to whisper something to Haley and she threw her head back with laughter. Her laugh made him smile.

In all the years you had known Aaron Hotchner, no one could make him smile like Haley Brooks did.

“Maybe a little,” you said, just low enough that no one could hear you over the music.

“Hey,” JJ said as she approached from behind. You could already tell by the tone in her voice what was coming next.

“We have a case, don’t we?” you said.

JJ sighed. “Yes. We do.”

---

The case was odd, to say the least. With so much evidence, the team should have been able to put a profile together easily, but things just weren’t adding up. The religious obsession combined with the technology, the dominant and submissive team dynamics that weren’t constant, the obvious organization with, what seemed to you to be, a disorganized system.

You were out in the field with Morgan when you got the text that there was another crime scene. Morgan was on the phone with Garcia. “Yeah, baby girl. Tell him we’re on our way.” He whipped the car around. 

When you arrived on the scene, you got straight to work, but just like before, nothing seemed to make sense. The religious ramblings were beginning to irritate you. You understood them enough, but you didn’t have extensive knowledge on different analysis on the passages over the centuries or know the actual wording in Latin like Spencer did. But Spencer wasn’t anywhere to be found.

“Hotch,” you called to him. “Where’s Spence?”

“I sent him and JJ to go interview someone who might know something,” Hotch told you. The vagueness of it all told you that it was probably nothing- that it was a stretch.

But hours later, the distress on Hotch’s face and the strain to keep his voice steady made it obvious to you that it wasn’t a stretch. “Hankle?”

“Hotch, what is it?” Morgan’s voice was filled with concern as well.

But when Hotch answered, he wasn’t looking at Morgan, he wasn’t looking at Gideon or Emily; he was looking at you. “JJ and Reid went to interview him. He’s the unsub.”

---

The drive to the unsub’s house was a chaotic collage of names and tactical plans, of kevlar and lights and sirens. But you hardly remembered any of it. Your mind was on Spencer.

There was always a chance that he and JJ were fine; that they realized he was the unsub and parked out of cell service, waiting for the rest of you to arrive. But there was also a chance that they weren’t fine.

When you arrived on scene, your brain kicked into a different gear- it wasn’t wife gear, but it also wasn’t Agent Rossi gear. It was a strange inbetween that you had never felt before- a collected calm caused by panic. You went with Morgan and Prentiss to the barn, only to find yourself on the wrong side of JJ’s sidearm.

“JJ,” Morgan called. “It’s Morgan, Rossi, and Prentiss. Don’t shoot.” JJ lowered her gun and Morgan did the same, approaching her. “It’s okay. Are you hurt?”

You approached JJ alongside your other two team members. Your mind was cloudy and clear at the same time, your body shaky but still. In JJ’s frazzled state she continued to talk, ignoring Morgan’s question- the one you wanted to know the answer to- where was your husband?

When Prentiss got her to slow down, telling you that they had split up and Reid took the back, you didn’t hesitate to follow Morgan out into the cornfield. There were obvious signs that someone had been dragged and then the trail stopped. You could see it in your head like a nightmare- Spencer being drug through the vegetation and thrown into the back of a vehicle.

Somehow you ended up in the house with the rest of the team, hearing, but not truly listening to what they were saying. You stood at the window, the flashing blue and red lights highlighting the streaks in the grass. The whole world was slow and blurry, but not from tears; it was from shock. You recalled the first time you ever got shot- it wasn’t bad, but the sudden impact of the bullet and the instantaneous pain that followed made it feel as though your brain had disconnected from your body. But that sensation had ended in a few minutes… this one felt never ending. That was, until, Gideon asked the question.

“Where’s Reid?”

“Gone,” you answered before Morgan could.

Your head came back to you, the shakiness of your hands stopping, something building inside you like a dormant volcano- destined to explode, but no one would see the signs until it was too late. You looked at the team. They were lined up in a semicircle, each of them looking at you with a different adverse emotion- Morgan, resentment; Prentiss, pity; Hotch, anxiety; Gideon, disbelief; and JJ; guilt.

“Spencer’s gone.”

---

You didn’t sleep that night, but Morgan was adamant that you take breaks, drink water, and provided you with many gentle squeezes on the shoulder when he walked by. Prentiss sat down with you and together, the two of you began unpacking the journals before going through them. She was less about sympathetic looks and more about action. It was a good combination for you at the moment.

The rest of the team on the other hand was… Well, JJ avoided you at all costs. Gideon didn’t actively avoid you, but he couldn’t seem to look at you and when you spoke he always left the room. Hotch up and left- driving all the way back to DC to get Garcia and then all the way back. He could have had any other agent do it, but he did it himself. You weren’t sure if it was because he didn’t trust anyone at the moment, or if it was because he needed to run.

When Gideon got the call that Hotch and Garcia were on their way, all of you gathered in the room downstairs, surrounded by boxes and journals and things that would hopefully lead you to finding Doctor Reid. That’s how you had to think of him right now; not as Spencer, your husband, of Agent Reid, your colleague, but of Doctor Reid- just some smart guy with three PhDs. You knew that it was distancing yourself from the situation, but you couldn’t help it. If that’s what you had to do, you would do it.

“Welcome to our nightmare,” JJ said as Garica walked through the door.

It might just be a nightmare to you, but it’s worse than Hell for me. You swallowed your anger and told the voice at the back of your head to shut up. You had a job to do. She shouldn’t have let them split up.

Morgan and Garcia got started in the room full of computers, JJ went to take a break, and Gideon and Emily went to do some more searching upstairs. You sat down at the table and went through more of the journals. The entries weren’t long, but there were a lot of them.

Spencer would get through these in less than an hour.

“(Y/N),” the voice was strong, but more gentle than you were used to. “You should take a break.”

“I don’t need a break, Hotch,” you told him, looking up to meet his unblinking eyes for just a second.

He didn’t argue. He knew better. “I’ll be back to check in later.”

You went back to the journals.

---

Night had fallen and it felt like you were no closer to finding Doctor Reid than you had been when the sun rose. Most of the journals were religious ramblings, and Garcia was working as hard as she could on the computer system, but it still wasn’t matching up. The profile was still a mess. The whole thing was a mess.

“Rossi,” Morgan said. You didn’t respond. He plucked the journal out of your hand. 

“Morgan-”

“I’m going to check the perimeter.”

“Okay?”

“Come with me,” he said.

You hesitated. “Okay, lead the way.”

You followed Morgan out of the house and into the night. He walked ahead of you, flashlight in hand. You had to admit that the fresh air was relieving, helping clear any residual fog from your brain. You scanned the sides of the house, the broken boards that needed to be repaired, the roof that needed new shingles, and the gutter full of leaves. Your eyes trailed downward, landing on something strange, something new…

“Morgan!” You called. You jogged over to the cellar doors, drawing your sidearm on the way.

Morgan ran up next to you. “Hey guys, I think we’ve got something!”

Hotch and Prentiss were quick to join you. No words needed to be spoken- Hotch would go in first, then Morgan, and you and Prentiss would stand guard outside. The two men entered the cellar, glocks drawn. You listened carefully, but you couldn’t quite make out all their words.

When Hotch and Morgan came out of the cellar, both of them looked disturbed.

“Anything?” Emily asked.

“We found Hankle’s father,” Hotch said. “He’s dead.”

---

It felt like time was moving at the speed of light and standing still all at the same time. You continued to be able to catch small bits of information- JJ and Prentiss were going to look into Hankle’s Narcotics Anonymous meetings, Hankle’s father had been dead for six months, Garcia was making progress on the computer system- making the day fly by and slow down all at the same time. Around noon, your brain failed you and you fell asleep at the table for just a few hours. By the time you’d woken up, the rest of the team had figured out that Hankle was living as three different people and he had a serious drug problem.

You sat in the room full of screens with Garcia, feeling absolutely like the most useless agent in the world. Of course all the progress had been made while you were asleep. You were hardly paying attention to what Morgan and Garcia were talking about when you heard Penlope’s signature “Oh my god,” and looked over to the screens.

For the past twenty four hours all you’d wanted was to see Spencer- but not like this. Never like this.

You gathered around the computers with the rest of the team, trying to keep your face as still as possible. You wanted so badly to be able to focus on what was going on- analyze the situation, the words, the background, in an effort to find out where Spencer was, but your mind couldn’t work. Not while watching this.

Then the feed cut- all the screens going blank- and any hope of finding evidence to rescue your husband was gone. You heard Morgan punch the door as he stormed out of the room. The sound brought you back to reality, and you followed him out of the room.

“Morgan,” you called to him, but he kept walking, all the way out onto the front porch and into the front yard. “Morgan!”

You and Morgan were both known to have hot heads when things got personal and rageful, but your emotions came out in loud and painful words; Morgan’s came out in kicking down doors and breaking down walls. You just stood and watched as he took a piece of wood that was laying in the yard and smashed it down on the ground, causing it to splinter into pieces. His back heaved with heavy breathing, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d be scared of him. But you did know better.

“Derek,” it was more gentle this time, and the other agent turned around to look at you. The fury and frustration now replaced with an expression of agony.

He walked up to you quietly, shaking his head just a bit. “How are you doing this, Rossi?”

You closed your eyes tight, and tears pricked at the corners. The pure pain in Morgan’s voice finally causing all the pent up emotion inside to come out. “I’m not,” you admitted.

Spencer had been in plenty of dangerous situations before- stuck in an ER with a known killer, on a train with a psychotic man with a gun, in a mansion with a bomb- but this was the first time he was somewhere completely alone. You trusted that Hotch and Elle and Morgan would help protect him.

But no one could protect him now.

Every feeling you had shoved inside came out at once, and you collapsed in a fit of sobs. Morgan caught you before you could hit the ground, pulling you so tight to his chest you almost couldn’t breath. You cried so hard it hurt- it hurt your head and your eyes and your chest and your heart. Morgan was whispering something to you, but you couldn’t hear him over the explosion of emotion you were experiencing.

When the dam gates closed and the tears stopped flowing, you gently pushed Morgan away and wiped your eyes. “I need to help get him home.”

“Then let’s bring him home.”

---

It felt strange that the team was inhabiting the house of a killer- eating at his table, using his bathrooms, sleeping on his couch- but sometimes to get in the mind of an unsub, you had to do strange things. One of those strange things was using his appliances, including his coffee maker. The entire team was running off caffeine, and you were no exception. Just as you turned the corner towards the kitchen, you heard voices, and paused.

“It’s funny,” JJ said. You didn’t think anything about this was funny. “I keep thinking, the one thing we need to crack this case is uh… well, Reid.”

You wanted to scream.

“Yeah,” Morgan responded quietly.

“You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don’t you?”

Everything in you wanted to walk into the room and confront JJ… tell her upfront that they should have stayed together and it was her fault that Spencer was missing. But you couldn’t move.

“JJ, go get some rest.” You could hear Morgan’s exhaustion… but you could also hear his anger.

“I can tell that’s what you’re thinking so-”

“I just wanna get Reid home safe.”

“But if I had his back like I was supposed to, he’d be here now.” The defense in JJ’s voice made your blood boil.

“JJ, what do you want from me?”

“I just… I want someone to tell me the truth!”

“The truth is one of you is here and one of you isn’t,” Morgan said, frustration coming through. “You gotta figure the rest out for yourself.” He walked toward where you were standing, just out of sight. When he saw you, he didn’t say anything. He just looked at you with sympathy before walking away.

You walked into the kitchen, avoiding looking at JJ as you made your way to the coffee pot. It was empty. You stared at the pot as it brewed, then poured it into your empty mug, not bothering to wait until it was cool before taking a sip. Maybe if you burned your tongue you could keep yourself from saying rageful words. You went to leave the kitchen when-

“(Y/N)?” JJ said.

You shut your eyes tight for a moment and turned, looking at the blonde, but not saying anything.

“What?” You shook your head slightly, keeping your face as straight as possible.

“I-” JJ swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

You looked down and took a deep breath. “Don’t apologize to me.” You looked JJ dead in the eye, holding yourself in as much control as possible. “Apologize to Spencer.”

Without another word, you turned and left; not feeling any better, but not feeling any worse.

---

You continued working with Prentiss. Hotch and Gideon were working together- an oddity. But so was a member of the team getting kidnapped. There was a sudden sound of shock coming from the room filled with computers. You and Prentiss both shot up from your seats and quickly filed into the room where the rest of the team was staring at the screens.

Spencer’s chair had fallen over, and he laid on the floor, unmoving. You’d seen enough people who were sleeping, dead, or dying to know the difference, even on a screen. And Spencer was dead.

You’d had this nightmare before, and in every single one you instantly crumbled to the ground in a fit of sobs, fighting whoever tried to touch you or calm you down. In your nightmares, the grief was so overwhelming it robbed your body of air until your head was so light that you couldn’t think- as if your body’s survival response to such overwhelming sadness was to make it so you couldn’t think long enough to be sad at all.

But now that it was real, all you could do was stand there- eyes glued to the screen, mouth slightly agape, blood draining from your face. The feeling was impossibly numb. Your mind not processing anything, refusing to believe what you were seeing. There was no survival response to overwhelming sadness; because all the will you had to survive was gone.

You remembered a quote from Dante’s Inferno- the one book Spencer had ever made you read to him since the original was in Italian- “L’inferno e freddo”: Hell is cold.

And you were frozen.

“Guys.” You heard the voice, but your brain was still in a state of limbo. Only the sudden appearance of a man on the screen, giving Spencer CPR, was enough to snap your body from the frost.

And then Spencer was alive.

Your vision blurred as your eyes watered, relief filling your body. But it was only temporary. The next thing you knew, Hankle was speaking.

“Choose one to die.”

“What?” You weren’t sure if Spencer was still in shock from dying and coming back to life, or if he was truly asking.

“Your team members,” Hankle said. “Choose one to die.”

“Kill me,” the words came out of Spencer's mouth like a plea.

Spencer, no. Your chest tightened, your breathing taught. Just say a name, Spencer. Please don’t give yourself up to him.

“You said you weren’t one of them.”

“I lied,” Spencer said. It didn’t matter thought- the math worked somehow.

“The team has seven members. Tell me who dies.”

Just say a name, Spencer… any name.

“No.”

Hankle pulled Reid’s revolver from his pocket, pointing it straight at your husband’s forehead. “Choose, and prove you’ll do God’s will.”

“No.” Hankle pulled the trigger. The chamber was empty. A tear streamed down your cheek.

“Choose.”

“I won’t do it,” Spencer’s voice was barely audible over the video feed.

Another trigger pull, another empty chamber.

“Life is a choice.”

“No.”

Choose to live, Spence.

Trigger. Empty chamber.

“Choose.”

“I…” This time Spencer was slower to answer. He was going to choose. He had to choose. If he didn’t, he was dead. “I choose Aaron Hotchner.”

The entire room seemed to become still with shock for a moment, before everyone turned to look at Hotch- you included. The expression on his face wasn’t hurt, or at least you didn’t think so. Hotch had been so avoidant of you the past 48 hours that you weren’t sure that you could read him in this situation. He continued to watch the screen, but you continued to look at his expression.

“He's a classic narcissist,” Reid explained Hotch’s sin. “He thinks he's better than everyone else on the team.”

The wheels turned in your head, and as Hotch furrowed his brow, you could see that the wheels were turning in his head as well. He left the room quickly, and you followed after him. Hotch grabbed the Bible sitting on the table, flipping through it rapidly. You didn’t ask why.

The rest of the team filtered into the room and Hotch looked up. “I’m not a narcissist,” he said. It wasn’t defensive. You’d seen Hotch defensive before, and it was nothing like this.

“Come on,” Gideon started. “Look, you can't think anything from that. He’s not in his right mind-”

“No, stop, stop,” Hotch cut Gideon off and looked around at the rest of the team. “All right, everybody right now- what's my worst quality?”

Silence.

None of you wanted to answer that question. 

“Okay, I’ll start,” Hotch said. “I have no sense of humor.”

“You’re a bully,” JJ said quietly.

“I’m a bully,” Hotch agreed.

“You can be a drill sergeant sometimes,” Morgan said, avoiding eye contact.

“Right.”

“You don't trust women as much as men,” Prentiss said boldly. You wondered how long she’d been wanting to say that.

Then Hotch turned to you, meeting your gaze for the first time since Spencer had gone missing.

“You avoid difficult emotions,” you told him. “Instead of confronting them.”

“Okay, good.” Hotch kept his eyes on you for a moment before turning back to everyone else. “I’m all these things, but none of you said that I ever put myself above the team, because I don't, ever.” That was true. It always had been. “Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism, and he knew that I would remember that, and he also quoted genesis, chapter 23, verse 4. Read it.”

JJ read the verse outloud. There was more discussion about narrowing down where Spencer might be. You hung onto every word, but you had just called Hotch out on something that you were doing yourself. You’d been burying yourself in work to avoid dealing with the terror and the pain that stirred inside you.

So instead of fighting to let you be in your normal point position when the team raided the cabin, you stayed at the back with JJ. Instead of avoiding her, you worked next to her in silence; both of you sharing a silent and desperate hope that Spencer was okay- that he was alive. When the team spread out, you stuck close to Prentiss, knowing you would need the support if something went awry and not being ashamed that, at the moment, you didn’t trust yourself to stay as steady as you needed to be.

And when Hotch helped Spencer to his feet, you let the tears stream down your cheeks. Holstering your gun, you let yourself go entirely- the relief crashing through your body. You breathed heavily, the cold air causing condensation to form. Morgan put a hand on your arm to keep you upright, and you let him.

You allowed the thoughts that had flooded your mind for the past two days to rise to the surface; that Morgan was probably the only other person in the world who shared what you were feeling right now- disappointment in Hotch for letting Reid and JJ go off in the middle of nowhere on their own, resentment about Gideon nearly getting Spencer killed, and rage at JJ because this never would have happened if one of you were with him instead.

“(Y/N),” Spencer’s voice as he said your name was barely a whisper, but to hear it in person made it real- it made everything real.

You pulled him into a hug, tears free flowing down your face. Spencer wrapped his arms around you tight, pulling you in so your bodies were as close as they could possibly be while standing upright. He buried his head in your shoulder. You leaned your face against the side of his head, pressing your cheek against his curls.

He let go of you slowly, as if you were the one thing keeping him tied to earth, your eyes locking only for a moment before Gideon walked over. You let Spencer lean on you, keeping his hurt foot off the ground.

“Let’s get you out of here,” Gideon said. “Come on.” Gideon went to support Spencer on the other side, helping him forward just a few steps before-

“Please.” Spencer looked at Gideon, but not at you. “Can I have a second alone?”

You looked at Spencer, but he didn’t look back at you, so instead you looked at your mentor. He gave Spencer a sympathetic look before locking eyes with you for just a second and walking away.

You let go of Spencer gently, your hands brushing before your bodies lost contact. He turned away without looking at you and began to limp towards Hankle’s body. You turned as well, looking over your shoulder as you walked. Prentiss was the one to help you this time- resting a gentle hand on your back to ground you.

You let her lead you back toward the SUVs, but you didn’t quite know where you were going; your mind was still full of Spencer. Then again, your mind was almost always full of Spencer- but not in this way. Never in this way.

“He’s going to be okay,” Emily said gently.

You let out a heavy breath. The clearing where the vehicles were parked was lit up by flashing colored lights. An ambulance had arrived, as had a coroner’s van. Officers were talking quietly, Hotch was pacing as he talked on the phone, JJ sat in the open trunk of an SUV staring out into the distance.

It was all over, but somehow you felt like things had only just began. 

“How do you know?” you asked her, breathing out as you did. It sounded helpless, but that was how you felt.

Emily put a hand on your shoulder, looking into your eyes. “Because,” she said- her voice was gentle, but her words were confident. “He has you.”

---

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[greg-montgomery]

champagne problems

pic by: @masterwords

my bestie @ssamorganhotchner had a delicious angsty idea so this is it <3

angst - no happy ending

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

You can still recall every second of that night.

Aaron’s arm around your waist pulled you against him as he leaned in and took your lips in his. You could feel his smile against you and it made you smile too.

“What’s up with you today?” you giggled, your hand cupping his cheek so you could look into his eyes.

“Nothing,” he murmured and stole another kiss from you. “I’m just in love.”

You hid your face in the crook of his neck, shy from his romantic words.

“Oh my God!” you heard Penelope’s familiar voice and a moment later you felt her hand on your arm. “Your dress is gorgeous.”

“You’re gorgeous!” you grinned at her, lifting your head from Aaron’s shoulder and walking straight to her now open arms.

Still in her embrace, you couldn’t see her face, and missed the way she winked at Aaron when he tapped his palm against his pocket, reassuring her that their plan was going great.

“Kids, what are you still doing in there?” David’s voice came from his garden. “The food is gonna get cold.”

“We’re coming,” Aaron yelled, taking your hand and leading the way out.

When Rossi had said he was throwing a dinner party, you had thought it would be one of his famous pasta nights. Instead you found a garden decorated with fairy lights and a table full of expensive food and champagne bottles.

“Damn, what’s the occasion?” you said, grateful that Aaron pulled out a chair for you as you were distracted by the decorations.

“I’m rich,” David shrugged. “Why not spoil my friends?”

“No complaints from us,” Derek laughed.

“None at all,” Emily added, already taking a few bites out of a breadstick.

It seemed like everyone was in a good mood, and most of all, your boyfriend. Of course, you were happy about it, but it felt like you were not involved in an inside joke. Like everyone knew something you didn’t.

Left out, was the word. You somehow felt left out on the same evening that everyone’s attention seemed to be on you. You just didn’t know why.

Soon, the champagne bottles were open and your friends’ laughter filled the air around you. With their drinks in hand, they urged you to join them dancing, so you pulled Aaron by his hand to slow dance with him.

He looked so handsome, every line of his face begging to be kissed by you. You told him so, before kissing the spot behind his ear that always made him melt.

“Hey, easy now,” he whispered.

“Your new cologne has been driving me crazy,” you said, low enough so no one else would hear. “I want you.”

“Don’t worry,’ he said, softly, pressing his lips against your temple. “I have big plans for tonight.”

“You do?” you raised your eyebrow with a playful smile.

“Mhm…” he smirked and without dropping your left hand, he distanced himself from you, enough so he could get down on one knee.

You blinked slowly at him, realizing what he was about to do.

Breathing didn’t feel effortless anymore, and the feeling of everyone’s eyes suddenly on you got unbearable.

You looked down, finding the man you loved, staring at you with adoration. You saw a ring in his hand, sparkling, and waiting to be around your finger.

You saw a man you’d be proud to call your husband.

But you also saw a young girl who hadn’t figured out her life yet, being a wife to a grown up man who had already lived most of his. You saw a little boy calling you his mom, when you still felt like a kid yourself. You saw a life you weren’t ready for.

“Y/N…” Aaron said, maybe too focused on his speech to read your panicked expression. “You are the love of my life. My best friend, my partner, and the person I wanna spend the rest of my life with. There’s no one else I can imagine having by my side in this life. Will you do me the honor of becoming my Mrs. Hotchner?”

The silence from you was deafening even with that romantic song playing in the backround. You saw Aaron’s expression shift, as he realized that the ‘yes’ he was expecting was never coming.

“I can’t,” you whispered. “I’m so sorry, Aaron.” You pulled your hand away, letting Aaron’s drop to his side. “I can’t.”

You left him there, rushing back to your seat so you could grab your purse, wanting nothing more than to disappear. You didn’t dare to look at anyone’s faces, knowing you’d only see pure shock and judgment.

You cried in the back of a taxi all the way home, struggling to remember where you had last seen your suitcase, certain you’d be using it soon.

—

You look down at the phone in your hands.

“Yes, yes, a million times yes!” a lovely woman’s voice comes from your device. You watch as she lets Aaron slip a ring on her finger, and throws herself on him; a huge grin on her face just like on everyone else’s in that room. “Our boss man finally settled down. I love love <3” is Penelope’s caption on her post. You didn’t have the heart to unfollow her like you had everyone else from the bau. Well, she was the only one who hadn’t done it first to you anyway.

You hesitate to double tap on your screen to show your joy over your ex’s engagement. You’re not sure that’s how you feel. You’ve been thinking of him a lot, but - judging from the video you just watched - he isn’t.