#AM I NOT ALLOWED TO EXIST LIKE THIS
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I LOVE WRITING SMUT AND I WONT WRITE IT ANYMORE
#x. ooc#SAD. SAD TIMES.#ALSO WILLING TO GIVE IT UP#hey when i convert ill be one of those people who dont exist!#im lgbtqia and i was in a same sex relationship and i gave it up willingly for god :)#apparently that can only happen through brainwashing and conversion therapy or it just doesnt happen at all!#ARE YOU GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I EXIST OR JUST IGNORE MY EXISTANCE#AM I NOT ALLOWED TO EXIST LIKE THIS#HUH. HUH?!#that sounded like i dumped her for god. that did not happen. weve been broken up for a while.#oh and im a diagnosed gender dysphoric and i wont change my body but trying to work through it instead :)#ive already been doing that though for years but this makes the decision easier
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trigunned the hades or hadesed the trigun (id in alt)
#trigun#trigun maximum#nicholas d wolfwood#vash the stampede#meryl stryfe#milly thompson#millions knives#ruporas art#type of shit ive been on lately bc ive been playing an obsessive amount of hades 2 lmfao… ofc imstead of drawing fansrt for hades#i channel that energy into trigun?😭 SEE.. the thing is. i am ALWAYS thinking about a trigun game… like an action story game#it is rotating in my brain 24/7 and now after 7billion years i finally pick up a video game#and the inspiration sparked. obviously this is just a mere mimic of an existing media... but im thinking about the plot of max now#executed differently between mediums… webbing a new retelling of the original story as game mechanics allows you - thinking of the#new roles the characters would take. like wolfwood here is not Constantly by vash’s side but he will show up once a run to clear out an#encounter. shows up seldomly at home base to make gifting difficult... an existing companion and still journeys on his own. for more#relations options merylmilly will also have occasions where they separate so vash can speak to them individually - the gungho are not bosse#most of them get the roles of giving “boons” i think.. BUT ANYWAY thats me reimagining trigun into hades. now imagining trigun into an#ORIGINAL video game.... ough... ohhh....guhh... I WANT IT SO BAD!!!!!!!!#this was just a fun exercise... im thinking about doing more but i think i shouldactually draw some hades 2 fanart first
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So.
Act 5, huh?
Oh, and that.
"You can start breakdown now."
Finished the game couple of days ago and had some thoughts I needed to process a little. Like. Yes.
So anyway I actually didn't plan this and just wanted to redraw some sprites to just make sure I understand how to draw Siffrin correctly (still working on that!)
What did I learn from this? How fun it it to draw on a canvas that literally doesn't let you draw with colors without some layer cheating when necessary. Never tried it.
The beans. Sleeping beans.
Basically what happens when you want to sleep AND draw. Draw characters sleeping on your behalf.
Doesn't help, but at least it's cute.
I have no idea what was going on in my mind as I drew this. Feels like a fever dream of 'I want to sleep' at 4 am and 'Hm...' of thinking random things
Also that phone craft sign. Still too funny to imagine. I had to.
#fanart#sketch#my art#isat spoilers#isat#siffrin#siffrin isat#isat loop#in stars and time#I also tried to draw the Party too! But that one sketch is too rough yet!#And I'll probably never post it it was fun to draw them tho#Anyway I had /thoughts/ playing Act 5#Not great ones too! I would rather they stayed where I would never even know they exist#But I had to while playing so I did#So it took some time to just sit with everything also I spend a lot of time just doing achievements#One left! The annoying one.#NG+ is fun too#I'm still surprised by how much I enjoyed it#Like 'staying until 6 am playing 10 hours straight' kind of enjoyed#From 'hm I wonder what's it about' to 'yeah I cried multiple times so I think it's allowed to live in my head too'#I got sick multiple times on related and unrelated reasons while playing and planning to play that wasn't fun#Anyway it's cool have some sketches because I couldn't stop drawing last night#I love drawing characters being emotionally in pain but that requires specific mood and music to go with#And not overdoing it#Like when drawing first one 'Aishite' was on loop the whole time#It's b&w too! Red layers are added with 'paste' magic love that
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“Regulus would be proud of us,” James whispered quietly to no one in particular, still gripping onto the painting like a life raft.
— Tender Curiosities, Baby! @otrtbs
#tender curiosities baby#art heist baby#james potter fanart#james potter#jegulus#rosekiller#rosekiller fanart#marauders#marauders fanart#evan rosier#barty crouch jr#jegulus fanart#jegulus fanfiction#fic: ahb#art heist baby!#mine#my art#hp#ahb#ive thought about this scene for so long it just took me forever to draw cause once again the anatomy of cars is the bane of my existence#like originally i wanted evan and barty holding hands to be visible to have the contrast of sad lonely james and sad not lonely rosekiller#but alas cars wont allow it#ahb just still has my entire heart you dont get it#i have a none blurry rosekiller and a just james in front of blue with stars version of this but i think ill only put them on insta...#(sneaky end notes: i do have to admit i am not too pleased with evan and barty but this was my first time drawing them)#(so i couldnt figure it out quite yet hency why they look a little. less efforty...)#(also the snake ring is the same design that i drew for chapter 34 of ahb in my little chapter illustrations for my typeset)#((nvm i just checked back and i am fully lying here i used a different one for my typeset and now im vaguely upset oops)#(i shouldnt make decisions only half awake im going to think about this for too long now i am sad))#((like suddenly i was like. hold up. i had a different design there didnt i... it was an open ring goddamnit))
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growing up with a perpetually anxious primary caregiver is such a mindfuck. that shit will rewire your nervous system
#not a shitpost#i get that parenthood and modern life in general is extremely anxiety inducing#and that anxiety is a common mental health issue and anxiety disorders exist and do not disqualify you from being a loving parent#but i am begging you PLEASE do not project your anxiety onto your kids#especially younger kids#your job is to make your kids feel safe and secure. that is a primary requirement#that doesn't mean you can't be anxious!#but just like being angry doesn't mean you're allowed to yell at your kids or slam doors or break things#being anxious doesn't mean you are allowed to surround your kids with your own fear and stress or teach them to share your anxieties#your job is to be a comforting nurturing parental figure. that means projecting comfort and love#even when it is hard! even when you are tired or angry or scared!#which is a damn hard job! and you won't get it right all the time!#but dammit babes you gotta TRY#kids deserve to feel safe and comfortable in their daily lives#you CANNOT be teaching them to expect catastrophe lurking around every corner
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I can pinpoint the moment that destroyed my life today:
It’s been a handful of weeks since Murderbot came within inches of having a new, organic governor module implanted in its head via infection - do you think, maybe, that’s also been hiding behind the redacted? Not the way everything else is, just as a deep-seated reminder of what it can’t afford to lose?
What a way to be told “I love you” - to be told “I will not lose you, I will not let go, I will do the hard part of holding on even if you don’t want me to”
#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#murderbot spoilers#perihelion#I am not normal about this and I will continue to be not normal about this#I have feelings about how important they are to each other#how their relationship doesn’t fit into neat boxes and is still undeniable#I don’t think art loves quite like humans love but it DOES love and will all of that power behind it#that love is an overwhelming thing I think#not romantic but INTENSE the way it just… IS intense by nature#and like… I got to the part where mb was thinking about just walking away in the other direction like#’oh this is BAD bad’#and this moment just…….#something about ‘you can’t go because I won’t let you’#’I will make the hard choice for you even if you don’t like what I choose’#not even in a possessive way just. just that mb is not ALLOWED to not exist#and I’ve got a lot of goddamn feelings about it#mb is a little bit in pieces and art is gonna forcibly hold those pieces together until it starts to heal#(but also. goddamn don’t even get me started on art having to hear that because. HHHHHH)
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Imagine looking at a character whose entire premise is that in every stage of his life, he's made every version of himself into someone that inspires people to such a degree that EVERY SINGLE VERSION OF HIM has people wanting to literally follow in his footsteps in some way or another.....
And coming to the conclusion that like.....the most important things about him are the sum of all his trappings. His entirely homemade developed from scratch could not exist if not for what he already was and brought with him BEFORE crafting this newest version of himself trappings, with his greatest trait throughout all of it being his adaptability; his ability and willingness to roll with the punches and not try to simply weather any opposition or changes to his life but instead reshape himself as needed to better fit INTO whatever new shape his life and the world around him takes. All while managing to carry the most innate, fundamental and necessary aspects of himself from one version to the next. Thus every single version of himself is different but simultaneously every single version of himself is also undeniably the same person.
The strength of this character, to me, will always be that he can be so many versions of himself, he can become so many things, all without ever actually losing or discarding any of the aspects of himself he considers most essential, the things he's not willing to lose or give up just to keep going. Finding that road not taken by most, usually because most never even think to look for it as an option. But one that he's always able to find because the one trick he's mastered in his tumultuous life is threading that needle of not just digging in his heels in an unproductive way but rather being selective about when and where he makes a stand and decides "this is not a thing I'm willing to compromise about" but here are places and ways I can and will change and evolve and adapt in order to make it possible for me to hold onto these parts and keep them as they are.
And that's why its always so mind-boggling to me that so many writers can't seem to think of anything else to do with Dick Grayson other than invent some new reason for him to just....not be that person, or to like just take the character whose most basic fundamental trait he's NOT about to compromise on is willingly giving up his spot in the driver's seat of his own life.....and make him just a passenger in his own life and stories.
Dick Grayson at age nine....at age nineteen...at age twenty nine....the one core thread running through all versions of him is the only way he's standing back and letting you call the shots for him or putting him on the sidelines in some way is over his dead body.
HOW he goes about that, what that looks like, who he becomes and what aspects of himself he plays up at some times and what traits he lets fall by the wayside at other times when they offer less in service to his primary goal here....that changes constantly. He changes constantly.
But those changes are almost always (or at least they used to be/should be IN MY OPINION) made with the intention of keeping certain things about him or his life as consistent as possible.
That's the duality of Dick Grayson that I'm here for. The inherent contradiction of him that COULD allow for endless conflict and breaking new narrative ground in all sorts of ways if mined properly:
His eternal willingness to compromise....but only ever in pursuit of doubling down on the ways he's not willing to compromise.
Forever walking that tightrope in ways that only a kid born and raised in a circus could ever hope to.
#see also: my grinding teeth when people disparage his circus origins#like the only thing its good for is colorful backstory and explaining his acrobatics#THERES. SO. MUCH. THERE.#theres so much EVERYWHERE in every aspect of his backstory and his preexisting comics and yet over and over we get#....what if we just ignored all that and did what the fuck ever as though this character has nothing integral to him or fundamental to say#to be fair my gripes with Taylor are not exactly interchangeable with my gripes with the previous runs#but I lump him in as an extension of them because while evocative of different SIDES of my ennui with these takes on Dick.....#the thing about Taylor's stuff to me (or the parts I read at least) is that its generic as hell while only retaining superficial elements#of Dick's character and stories in order to point to them and say see these are definitely about Dick Grayson. like....only in very surface#level ways. underneath that theyre basically generic superhero adventures that could easily be retooled to be about a pretty sizable number#of other characters. tbh with the whole alfred inheritance thing it honestly felt from the get go#that Taylor was more interested in writing a kinder gentler Batman like a Bruce from one of the animated shows like#The Brave and the Bold who gets along better with everyone else. even the way the Brave and the Bold largely exists to use Batman's#popularity as a star vehicle to platform his co-superhero for the episode lends itself to Taylor's approach in his NW run#with the central figure - only nominally DG imo - basically existing as a platform allowing for the drafting of any other character he want#to write in any given arc or story in a similar way to how Bruce is utilized in Brave and the Bold#anyway. idk idk. my issues with Taylor are not the same as the others exactly but also they are and also I just plain dont like the guy#so I complain about him at any given opportunity even when its not technically as accurate or relevant as it possibly could be#I Am Flawed. its fine though dont worry about it. its called being nuanced
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tex red vs blue is insanely transgender but im the only one who sees it that way because im crazy in the head.
what if there was a past version of yourself. a woman, a wife, a mother, with long hair and a sweet smile. and she died long ago. and you are her. but you are not her. you're nothing like her, but the people who knew her desperately want you to be her, want to preserve the memory they have in their minds of the woman they loved through you. but you never asked to be her, never asked to carry the burden of someone else's expectation of who or what you should be. you have a new name. you prefer to go by this one. people remark on how weird it is that it's a guy's name. sometimes the people who loved [the past version of] you call you by your old name. they are not referring to you when they say it. you live in the shadows of someone who's long gone, and you're something different now, but you don't feel like you're ever allowed to define yourself on your own terms, to be your own person, to control your own life, because you exist solely through the memories people had of you. and the longer she has been gone for, the more desperately people try to get her back, the less you resemble her and the less you know who you are, or if you ever even got to be anything at all. what i mean is that transition could have saved him
#rvb#red vs blue#DONT ask me why i got up in a cold sweat at 7 am with thoughts on tex red vs blue. i miss her so bad#anyways i do think if anyone in rvb could ever be actually trans coded (which nobody is because theyre created by fucking rooster teeth)#its gotta be tex#but because i know a trans subtext couldnt ever possibly be intentional i also think tex is a fascinating subject on the#''dead wife'' trope and the way stories like this treat female characters#and how tex's existence somehow seems surprisingly self aware as she actively rejects being the Dead Wife#and its brought to attention how existing solely as the angst memories men had of their dead wives#actively denies her of agency as a person inside the narrative#but also more generally denies dead wife characters agency in any narrative theyre written on#tex's struggles as a character inside her narrative are also the struggles of fridged/killed off female characters outside their narratives#on a meta textual level by being written by men in male centered stories who dont allow the women they write to exist as people#tex is a fascinating character and i am fucking furious she exists in a that stupid ass show. ill save you girl. ill take you out of there#🧃.txt
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its my bday today so heres a new meet the artist :3
#muertodraws#finished my first day of grad school#i would have enjoyed it more if this fuck ass heat wave wasnt happening#but it wasnt too bad im excited to get to workin#also this mta is the first one where i felt like i didnt have to try hard#im allowing myself to exist as i am#and it feels nice#that includes the questioning of autism#aka i am probably autistic#i just struggle with gaslighting myself#but im learnig that autistic coping skills really work for me#like stimming and paying attention to my sensory and social needs#so that has been interesting#anyway#i am super tired but kind of hopeful :)#so thats nice#trans artist#queer artist#meet the artist
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do you ever think about what wouldve happened in svsss if luo binghe had even stopped for a split second and had a SINGLE rational thought. do you think he just assumed that sqq just got brain damage from the qi deviation and shrugged and decided to move on.
#luo binghe#lbh fanart#svsss#scum villian self saving system#scum villain#my art#i am a lbh curly hair truther idc idc#i dont even like him i just think that curly haired bitches should be allowed to exist#this was an art i drew to explain the characters of svsss to a very confused friend#mxtx svsss
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once again thinking about the worldbuilding in the riordanverse of "names are power" / "belief is power."
The Tri were only able to become immortal through convincing enough people to worship them that it became true. Monsters and immortals only exist through continued belief, and if enough people believe that they're dead or gone then it becomes true, like Pan. Their varied forms exist and manifest as they're believed in and called upon. Names call attention and epithets summon aspects. They're acknowledgement. Belief. Putting a name to a concept creates it as an individual.
And that's so fascinating when you start applying it to demigods. How much of their abilities are based on belief in themselves, in expectations of each other, in their parents' expectations of them? We've seen mortal figures who became immortal in some form or another because they were remembered. Even the lares - ancestral house gods, who persist because they're remembered. They have a legacy.
At what point does a demigod achieve that status? Rumors and whispers about them so persistent that they slowly become true. "I heard that Jason Grace is the son of two gods, does that make him a god?" "I heard Percy Jackson defeated a titan single-handedly. That he can create hurricanes without breaking a sweat. That he can control blood." After awhile, after enough rumors, does it become impossible to tell where they end and the legends begin? Isn't that what being a demigod is; half-legend?
#pjo#riordanverse#analysis#i went a little prose-y there at the end but i am THINKING THOUGHTS#imagine being a demigod and knowing your EXISTENCE is slowing becoming warped because of others' perceptions of you!#Jason living on a pedestal his entire life and worrying so much that one day he's going to bleed ichor and his fate will be sealed#Percy recognizing that his powers are growing beyond his previous limits in ways that don't seem natural. don't seem right.#and he realizes what's happening and just has to hope the whispering quiets down and the rumors are forgotten so he can live a normal life#also the potential for demigod existential horror#becoming aware that You as a concept is slowly shifting. twisting. to match the perception others have of you#how TERRIFYING is that? like obviously it'd probably only go to an extent for most demigods cause half-mortal#but their powers? etc? SCARY#Percy being aware that his powers are becoming warped and trying to dissuade gossip about himself so it returns to normal#Nico who the more he's welcomed into the camps the more he finds himself being essentially declawed#his rough edges slowly worn away. his powers weakening and becoming less frightening. is it worth it?#and how difficult must that inherently make it for him to allow himself to be known?#and again. shaking Jason petrified that CJ is going to accidentally believe him into immortality. his worst nightmare.
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Me, going about my day: i really like alhaitham and kaveh and whatever is happening between them. precious boys need to keep them safe
Evil Thoughs tm popping up in my head once in a while: canonically, Kaveh wants to be remembered. Alhaitham is a Scribe, which implies that he's keeping records. Alhaitham is closest to Kaveh and knows him really well. Alhaitham will be the best at remembering Kaveh. Therefore it might be a possibility that Alhaitham will outlive Kaveh, and by much-
Me, suddenly distressed: shut up shut up shut up-
#ah yes don't you love it when your thoughts go and do. that#anyways wishing nothing but the best to the boys may their respective reruns happen soon#genshin impact#genshin impact thoughts#genshin impact headcanons#genshin impact kaveh#genshin impact alhaitham#haikaveh#kavetham#alhaitham x kaveh#afinna explores teyvat#this was actually partially inspired by the idea that Vision holders give something up in order to receive a Vision#and if the Vision encompasses the most sincere wishes of the weilder#what will happen when the weilder achieves these dreams while still being alive#in my hc achieving the passion that Vision symbolizes like. annihilates you from existence on a certain level or smth idk#on this point. in-game we've seen people gain visions. get their visions taken away. and die while having a vision (kazuha's friend).#i wonder what will happen to a person when they achieve the goal that allowed them to get their vision in the first place#i think that would be interesting#also idk sometimes i look at kaveh and go 'ah yes you have the narrative potential of dying at some point of the story and I. Am. Worried.'
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#natla#natla spoilers#sokka#netflix avatar the last airbender#atla#sexism#how is it i once again allowed myself to be surprised by how media illiterate so many people are#doing something subtely does not mean it doesnt exist#i am convinced the people who think this adaptation are bad are the same people who hate korra#if it isnt the same thing spoon fed over and over to them they dont like it#please see the comments on any women in sports post and you know what im talking about with the real life sexism
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I’m gonna get absolutely slaughtered for this one but it’s been bothering me for ages so I need to say it 😭😭
I cannot see eddie being gay, like,,,at all
I mean, there is obviously the possibility of bi or pan etc, but I just cannot see him being gay (or tbh even liking men - STAY WITH ME HERE OK READ THE REST BEFORE YOU GET MAD ����)
like you’re gonna sit here and tell me that the man who just got walked in on with a woman cosplaying his dead wife is a homosexual and is in love with his best friend? like do not get me wrong at all, I love buddie, and if they were to ever become a couple I would be ecstatic - but I genuinely cannot see eddie being romantically or even sexually involved with a man (especially not at the minute with where he’s at) 😭😭
I could definitely see buck and eddie having a queerplatonic relationship, but at this point I don’t know if I could see them being in a romantic relationship, at least not right now. Eddie is going through it as of the end of season 7, even if they were to decide to make buddie cannon, eddie isn’t in a good place right now, and realistically it wouldn’t be happening anytime soon (and if it did I Imagine it would be slightly unhealthy)
I know some people are gonna be like ‘oh, he can have a revelation like buck’ but (although I am aware lou said it was initially gonna be eddie x tommy, meaning yes that is entirely possible and I completely understand why people think this will happen) the difference is that Oliver has being playing into buck being bi for years, this has been a widely accepted headcanon that even he has agreed with, so it made sense that it happened, and wasn’t just something that came out of nowhere. Ryan has consistently said that Eddie is straight (and while I understand that he isn’t the one who decides that + he has limitations on what he can say publicly) I feel like him having some form of revelation might not work (similar to why it was buck x tommy instead of eddie, as ryan didn’t think it would work for eddie + the whole marisol arc). And, as I said earlier, eddie realistically isn’t in a good place right now, and trying to push buddie after everything that happened at the end of s7 will likely cause it to fail before it truly starts, especially as it’s likely that it could be seen as Eddie using Buck as a rebound of sorts, rather than truly wanting to pursue a relationship
I have been a buddie shipper since late s3 so yall better not come for me for saying this 😭🙏 (Before anyone asks, yes I am a bucktommy shipper too - I am simply happy because BUCK is happy, I think they are cute and Buck is clearly doing well. And no, I am not ‘jumping ship’, I am doing this crazy thing called multishipping, which is common fandom practice 🥰 so if I have anyone trying to call me out for abandoning buddie or whatever I might actually end it cuz there is no way 😭)
#I am a MINOR so yall better not be weird#Or bully me#The fandom is so toxic now no one can say nothing without being borderline hate crimed in the comments 😭🙏#Daily reminder that these are FICTIONAL CHARACTERS who do not exist irl so please stop acting like they do 🥰#I made a whole new blog to say this bro#anyways#9 1 1#9 1 1 on abc#buddie#buck x eddie#evan buckley#eddie diaz#911 abc#911 fox#911 show#evan buck buckley#edmundo eddie diaz#Nah if anyone does try n bully me then thats just so sad cuz hating on literal kids is such jobless behaviour 😭🙏#That said you are totally allowed to disagree with me + have your own opinions but just have some basic human decency and don’t be rude pls#oliver stark#ryan guzman#bucktommy#tevan
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I think my favorite thing about Midnight Burger (which is actually everything about it, it's my favorite podcast ever and one of my favorite things ever), is that the characters are allowed to ramble. They're allowed to make their touching speeches with too many metaphors and repeating similar sentences again and again.
I rarely see that happen in fucking anything! Characters shut each other down all the time, as if talking a lot is some horrible taboo or crime (is it a taboo? I am socially clueless), like in so many shows and movies and books, someone is passionately talking and is shut down with a "you're rambling" and reply with "sorry". But in Midnight Burger, they let each other ramble and talk and explain and technobabble to their heart's content (mostly), seeking clarification afterwards.
I love that! I really don't see that much! The more I listen to Midnight Burger, the more I love it, which is impressive because I already love it so much.
#midnight burger#we open at six#am i missing things where characters are allowed to ramble? do they exist in droves and i'm just clueless?#if so please tell me. plz give me recommendations. im not genre picky#i just like passionate characters who are allowed to be passionate#(i love passion (not the sexy kind)(respect to sexy passion enjoyers tho) like it's such a beautiful thing)
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Sitting outside during a storm, watching, listening; enjoying the rain and the lightning and the thunder and thinking of Lord Zeus.
Thinking about his stories; what I know and how much I know I'm oblivious to. Wondering what I can learn from him. Reminding myself to research him later.
Thanking him for the storm. For every drop, every flash; every rumble.
Thunderstorms are something we have always adored both collectively with my system and together with our family/mother. But this one was truly magical because I got to experience it with Lord Zeus in mind.
I love religion 💜.
#commentary#helpol#hellenism#hellenic worship#hellenic polytheism#hellenic polytheist#zeus#zeus deity#lord zeus#zeus worship#tagged commentary#For so long we were afraid of religion; angry at its existence.#It wasn't until fairly recently (with the last two years) that we've been able to expand our worldview.#Christianity and other Abrahamic religions may be major religions but they are also the exception.#Religion isn't supposed to be riddled with morals like everything Christians believe are expliclty sins.#Religion isn't supposed to be hateful and controlling.#Religion is beautiful and wonderful. It allows people to understand and appreciate the world around them and the things that happen to them.#It allows them to connect with supernatural beings (deities or otherwise) and find purpose and meaning and belonging in their lives.#Our religion with Aquarius saved our life (quite literally) and so will Hellenism. Like many others we thought Hellenism was dead...#Oh how wrong we were. This religion and this community and these deities are all wonderful and I am so happy to have found out about it all.#– Odysseus 👑#{{he/it}}#date — 10 August 2024
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