#ALSO also i didnt mean for her to look a bit like barbie:( i was aiming more marilyn monroe-ish ?

[the-voldsoy]

traditional art, all phone cameras are evil, etc etc

Lady Ethel Mallory !! specifically how i think she sees herself. this song (Oh No! by MARINA) is so LEM coded, i will definitely do a version of this with how i think she actually looks with a different lyric :)

[wheredoesonegetnameideas]

MHA X SHADOWS HOUSE

Living Doll!Oboro and Shadow!Kurogiri because i said so

(Why is oboros hair so light 😔(also ignore the lack of shoes ok)

This is kinda weird since i feel like these 2 fandoms have literally never met but i did it anyway!!

I didnt really change much in terms of design for kurogiris shadows look, just tried to make it look more fancy and European-ish, i wanted to add a tailcoat but i'd already finished the whole thing so i gave it up.

Kurogiri in this au doesnt have his whole misty body thing, but his soot would make him look similar to canon. His soot is very fine and speards outwards in all directions, getting finer amd lighter at the edges (like mist haha). Other than making him look bigger and being hard to breath next to him, it makes cleaning a hassle for Oboro, especially since it never stops spreading. And while his soot is voluminous, it's quantity is only a bit higher than average when condensed.

I almost forget about soot powers woops, obviously portals and teleportation wouldnt be possible in this AU, so Kurogiri's soot power wouls be the equivalent to Canon!Oboro's quirk, in that he is able to produce soot "clouds" that are good for blocking vision, making hard to breath, and storing things in them depending on the size and density of the "cloud". It wouldnt be the first time he and Oboro used it for silly pranks and hiding things from the star bearers.

I also feel like as much as Oboro is outgoing, shadow!kurogiri would inherit his more subdued qualities. He would be kind, compassionate and definitely have mom friend tendencies. He also likes taking care of others (group leader of shadow!LOV maybe?), and sulks when oboro comes in everyday because he wants to help with chores. (Oboro does encourage this eventually because he is a lazy bumTM and wants less work)

While different, they are essentially reflections of each other (and thats the nice way of putting it), so they get along very well! I also think they would be friends even with the brainwashing undone. (Also i headcanon that animals HATE shadows with every fiber of their being and run away if they're in a 5m radius, and even though there is no way Grandfather(AFO?) allows them on his property, they still still get to pet (and stare at) a cute (badly colored) ginger cat :D )

And in this AU, Oboro's nose bandage would be more important than it (supposedly) is in canon, because it hides a scar along the bridge of his nose that he got on a rainy day. Its not an actual bandage tho because that is gross. It just looks like the one Kurogiri first gave him after he was treated. The scar isnt huge like Barbie's, and really the two arent important enough (or annoying enough to Edward) that Oboro would be sabotaged, but it definitely set him back from being nominated for the Unification.

Speaking of the Unification, if i were to make this AU resemble canon as much as possible, then Kurogiri and Oboro would have successfully Unified (iykyk). But thats up to you really.

As of writing this i'm really considering making the rest of the LOV as shadows (especially Toga if only to put her in the girliest dress i can find and also because her quirk would make a perfect soot power)

More details under the cut:

OMG I JUST SAW HIS EYES OOPSIE ANYWAYS

Oboro does feel guilty for ruining Kurogiri's "face", even if it was an accident. Kurogiri on the other hand doesnt resent him for it and was just relieved he wasn't disposed of. (Strangely enough, Kurogiri didn't dispel any soot that day)

The way i struggled with this part is unbelievable. It looks horrible TOT

The cat is perfect tho

You cannot convince me Oboro would clean up if it wasn't his "purpose". I cant imagine myself in that situation, i would simply pass before the Debut even happens.

Do shadows need to breath? I think they do. Does that mean Shadow!Kurogiri essentially suffocates himself the more he's upset? Wow talk abt hyperventilating

[theosconfessions]

You are super cool and awesome and neat, yay! Also do you want to share more about growing up in a haunted house? ;)

omg you are the sweetest!! i was just putting in some drafts for the week coming up and i seen this and was like I SURE DO. now my mom has more stories than i do. BUT one that i still have reoccuring dreams about to this dayyyyyyy and im in my 30s.. is the apartment we grew up in when we first moved out here with my mum [ my dad was there too at the time but not really so literally just my mum in this]. so heres the thing. me and my twin never discussed this with my mum and she never discussed it with us until a few years ago . so its like we all validated out own stories and it made sense to her why she kept having experiences in that place. so. when we first moved there me and my sister were super young.and to help paint a picture of the place there was an adjoining closet that connected both rooms. our bedroom and our mums bedroom. this had a wall seperating them but it was technically the same closet. the first night we spent there she told us she woke up to a man in the closet... with a fucked up neck if you get what im saying. i dont want tumblr to get me haha. she told him he wasnt welcome here and to leave [she is a nurse and she was used to seeing shit . especially working night shift so this really didnt make her flinch here] now cut to us dumb ass little girls in our bedroom .. i remember one day seeing a boy come to us. we invited him to play barbies with us. and we named him andrew. and we remember there was something wrong with his neck. even as we grew up and we stopped seeing him physically we sensed shit in that closet and also..there was weekly occurances of what we called 'the radio men' which really sounded like a muffled group of guys talking from the living room. like they were on the radio but really really low. needless to say we spent a good bit of nights in our mums bedroom growing up. i still have dreams either trying to get out of that place or get to it for some reason. and i actually live like a five minute walk from there and often wonder how the people who are there now are doing. i like to think that my grandparents keep me protected from whatever that was now. but it still is pretty strange that now in my 30s im still dreaming about that place. likei said though my mom has stories for DAYS. this is just one. also a super short one... this isnt a ghost story per say because hes not a ghost but we were always close to our grandparents.and at the time we were in middle school they lived in south carolina. we live in pennsylvania. so its a bit of a way. i remember we went to see my grandpa in the hospital about a month before he passed and on our birthday week [me my sister and my grandpa all shared the same bday within like 4 days. his wa son the 11th ours is on the 15th] he seemed GREAT for what he was going through and i see now its because we were there.when i say this man set a prescendence in how a man should treat anyone i mean it. i still hold what he says in me to this day. fr. dont accept any less. so back to the story we were TIGHT with him. ride or die . the day he passed away we had a volleyball game we had no idea he died. i remember looking over my shoulder and seeing him in the stands. i thought hmm.thats weird. hes in south carolina [and also had cancer ] my mum came and got us and when we got home she told us that he passed away. but clear as DAY. i remember seeing my poppop in those stands. the veils always been kinda thin on this end of things. i think i get it from my mom haha. but thats just some of them~ lemme know if you have any!

[goth-oatmilk-latte]

this is gonna be a long rant but it's bothered me for a while

(non-ed related)

and any thoughts are welcome but it's mostly a rant

so basically i dont have a lot of girlfriends. i never have, all the ones i got close to generally either betrayed me in the worst ways or we moved and lost touch. (betrayal backstories is a whole other rant, but it's nauseating the way ive been treated by women who claimed to love me) so most of my friends are dudes, in fact, both of my true besties are.

anyway, i have really one solid girlfriend and shes a good bit younger than me. she also dont have a lot of friends in general, she has me and a small handful of others. she regards me as her bestie, i kind of guess shes mine but like...idk. i view her more like a younger sister, i guess.

so basically, she copies EVERYTHING i fucking do, within her means. like, before her and i were close, she just dressed pretty normal, no notable flavor or style. but now shes trying so hard to be goth bc i am. she cut her hair how mine used to be, dyed it black bc mine is, got all of the same piercings as me, yall get it. i wish i was exaggerating but im really not. even her mom messaged me to tell me she bases her style off me and shes glad im not a "greasy goth" (lol??)

but it's infuriating. i know i didnt invent goth. im not the first to have the piercings, hair, outfits, and interests i do...but it's really annoying to have someone base their entire style and interests off of me bc i have worked hard to curate myself as a person. i work hard for my aesthetic, im pretty thoughtful in my planning for outfits, how i decorated my home, everything, but especially bc these are genuine interests ive had since i was a preteen...and it's just so irksome to have someone try to imitate it as closely as possible every single day without any real, concrete interest in any of it, outside of prob just tryna be relatable to me

and a few weeks ago we got on the topic of sexuality and how im pan and have had gfs etc now shes magically also bisexual. she told me she got "tricked" by a straight girl recently but caught an attitude with me bc i told her if there wasnt clear intentions by both parties, she wasnt tricked, bc there was no flirting/romantic intent and that being bi/pan talking to straight women (or even other bi/pan wonen) doesn't automatically garner a romantic response. she didnt like that and got really snappy with me, but im not wrong. she tried to say she thought she was going on a date, but she was literally going to another friend's house to watch rupaul, and the other girl was also coming over, she sent me screenshots of the convo and like.....yeah, no, 1000% on her for thinking anything of it. she just picked said girl bc she was friends with her other friend and I guess it was an easy shot, but she also overlooked homegirl having a whole man too so like????? bro hello.

and i dont necessarily wanna be super confrontational about the aesthetic thing bc that just feels so middle school drama sToP cOpYiNg Me energy but it grates my skin...especially too bc like she also gets a little grumpy when she asks where my clothes are from and a lot of places i shop dont carry her size (shes a 3X or a 4X; ive never really looked or cared to see who carries what size bc im an xs so why would i??) and thats somehow my fault bc she cant buy the same shit i wear...or she complains she cant afford the docs or demonias etc like i have and its like okay curate your own damn style that you can afford bc like???? im not your fucking barbie doll mannequin?????

[hoshi-y]

WAIT I DIDNT KNOW YOU ADDED SUMIRE 🥹💖 I KNOW I MADE A REQUEST BUT IGNORE IT (so sorry 😭) Can I request Sumire, Kou, Mitsuba, and Yashiro (hopefully that’s not too much) with a S/O that’s like Power?

(Take your time and have a nice day/night ^^)

S/O that acts like Power from Chainsaw Man

Genre : Fluff

Characters : Akane Sumire, Minamoto Kou, Mitsuba Sousuke, Yashiro Nene

TW : None

A/N : So sorry that it took me awhile to make your request, I tend to avoid things that are a bit difficult for me hehe, I could tell you really wanted me to do your request already so here it is

Just a bit of a warning, I can't guarantee that the personality and attitude will be the same but I'll try my best

I hope you enjoy 💗

Powers Personality :

Childish

Greedy

Rude

Entirely self-motivated

Cares for a select of friends

Has severe PTSD (Afraid of being alone)

Feels that people should clean up after her

Often claims she is capable of doing things she cannot actually do

No problem with gossiping and talking about her friends behind their back

Compulsive habitual liar

That's all the info I can find about her personality

Liar liar pants on fire

You were an absolute HANDFUL to watch over.

You'd sometimes run away creating minor trouble

I mean you blew up the science lab I don't know where minor came from.....

In your excuse, you thought you could do it—

After you met Kou, your life just turned a full 180

He would follow you everywhere

Making sure you don't get hurt

But mostly to keep you out of trouble

It was driving you nuts! You couldn't skip class to chase butterflies anymore

It was hard since both of you were in the same year

But you did found out something about him

He was very gullible.

You grumbled as Kou was pulling you back to his and his friends lair, it wasn't too bad around them, you just didn't wanna help clean up that stinky bathroom—

You had to escape. And fast

"Koouuu... I don't like it in theerree.." You whined, He didn't budge which made you click your tongue. And an idea came to mind.

"Kou, I just got a text from my mom saying that.. My dog died.." You put up your best sad acting in hopes he would fall for it, and he did. He stopped in his tracks as he looked back at you "What?! Toshiba died?!"

Kou absolutely LOVED your pet dog, he would use all types of excuses to swing by

You nodded your head sadly "Mom wants me back home so we can bury him.." Kou gently let go of your hand as he sighef softly "I'll swing by to say my goodbyes to Toshiba.." As soon as he gave your backpack back, you had a cheeky smile on your face

"Thanks!! Bye!!" You ran

"H-HEY. GET BACK HERE!!"

You were too fast for Kou, eventually he just gave up. He has to stop being so gullible

Ugh how dare you call me ugly!

Everyone envied you for your clear ang glowing skin

Anyone would need sunglasses it was that clear

Everyone wanted your secret but you didn't budge

Why? well you just wanted to be the only one with fair skin

Amongst those in tge ctowd wanting your skincare routine

A pink haired gentleman also wanted a grasp at your secret

I mean how can he keep being cute with such flaky skin?!

So he pulled you aside to ask but you were a bit too hard headed

Mitsuba groaned as he held on your arm "Come on! Just one product that you use and I won't bother you anymore!" He begged but you went silent pretending he wasn't there

"HEY. I KNOW YOUR IGNORING ME" Mitsuba yelled

You checked your phone time and continued to pretend he wasn't there. "What about this, I'll buy you WHATEVER you want, for just one product"

"Mud"

"Mud Mask?!" His face lightened up as he was probably the first you told your super secret fbi skincare

"Yeah, its good for the pigs skin after all"

Mitsuba gasped "How DARE you call me a pig! Look at yourself first skeleton!" He fired back

"Oh yeah Barbie?"

Mitsuba didn't wanna back down as he soat all sort of names at you

But you won, obviously

He pushed you out of their classroom as Kou, Satou and Yokoo witnessed the entire thing.

We're you grown on soil?

When Yashiro first met you, her first impression of you was that you were pretty Childish

Not that she hated it, She absolutely adored it

For.... some odd reason....

The way you act and talk like a child

You were so cute in her eyes!

but of course we know that every child is super curious of things right?

Well you started asking a bunch of nonsense to Yashiro

Like, how do fish swim, how do cars work

"Does tinkerbell exist?" Stuff like that

She sometimes questions how you got in the Rank 3....

"Nene-chaann~" You cooed as she stopped shoveling and looked at you "Uwaahh [F/N]! I thought you went home already?" She dropped her shovel and took off her gloved and walked up to you

"I got you an Ice Pop!" You gave her the green colored one as you ate the purple one "Thanks [F/N]! I was needing something to cool me down"

You scanned the field and noticed a bunch if holes she was digging, what was she gonna do? was she gonna plant? look for worms? DIG TO ANOTHER COUNTRY?

Or... Is she gonna plant her legs?

"Nene-chan, are you gonna plant your legs in their?" Yashiro coughed as she almost dropped her ice pop "W-WHAT?! I-I'M NOT!!"

"Ehh?? Isn't that how you got your daikon legs?"

Yashiro crumbled on the spot as she looked like she was needing any god out there to take her

After that, Yashiro forced you to go home as you watched her sulk from afar

I can do it see?! ahh.. Nevermind...

Sumire always enjoyed your company, and your help

Despite you fucking up every now and then she appriciates the company

Sometimes she'd tell you not to force yourself to do something you couldn't do but you never listen

Your excuse??

"I can do it don't worry! I'm a pro at this"

You ended almost burning the food, or knocking down something

So she just lets you stay back at home

You were one of Sumire's servants, although she didn't treat you like a servant

She treated you more like a friend now.

Sumire and Hakubo watched from a far as you messed up picking up flowers. You were pulling them by the stem and not digging to get the roots and ended up having a very withered out flower

"Are they dumb?..." Hakubo deadpanned as you continued to pluck withered out flowers, Sumire giggled as she placed down her tea cup and walked up to you to help

You saw her from the corner of your eyes walking up to you but you were signaling her not to come, but she did anyways. "Your flowers are withered now [L/N]"

You pouted "I said I could do it.."

"You clearly can not, here let me teach you how to harvest flowers" Sumire smiled at you

For the rest of the afternoon, she taught you how to pick up flowers, and make flower crowns. You've mastered them by now with the guidance of Sumire.

Now that she's gone, the only thing you could do without messing up

Was making flower crowns.

I caved

IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG 😭😭😭, I also apologize if I the personality does not match up, I really dunno who Power is LMWODHWUD

[vazelbeak]

Thoughts on Unhappy campers

This will be a longer one

World building: So first things first lets start with world building! On a first run being in the human world there's not much worldbuilding for hell but it is odd Barbie needs a human costume, prior Moxxie and Millie didnt need one in seeing stars and now we're here where kids think their legs and skin are weird, until Millie ends up being seen as attractive (we'll get to that, i promise). But also we have a scene where Moxxie jumps into and stands in a fire but somehow isnt burned. Then when they go to have sex on stage and take clothes off, nobody recognizes them as demons. So...why did they need outfits? They still didnt answer this.

Plot: Personally I feel like we should've had more to connect western energy with this episode because it feels weird to leave off Stolas upset Blitzo might not love him and then Blitzo's breaking into a hospital to look for his sister. Like, a lot of people were under the impression he was going to visit Stolas until it was mentioned. They imply this to be a multiple time thing, but the way they deliver it feels like we should've have some prior build up like of Blitzo saying while theyre in sloth he has some other business to take care of besides Loona's hellbies shot. Viv said these episodes should all be watched together but this doesn't read that way. I think Moxxie deciding Blitzo put him in charge is funny, but Blitzo being so freaked out should've been played up more as at the moment it ends up looking like he's just acting weird. I think they should present the reason hes so worried about Barbie a lot sooner. She's clean, she doesn't want to talk to him, and despite that we get much on why he's worried until he finds out she's just on heroin. It may have worked if we had that implied earlier the full extent why hes worried. With the flip back to Moxxie and Millie my question is why are they deciding to be siblings? Why not just be a couple? I was dreading incest jokes the moment I heard this because now its coming off excessive especially to have it across three episodes two technically speaking being back to back. With Moxxie finding the suspicious behavior circumstantial it feels intended to drag out the plot because we get nothing to indicate him changing his mind from "this is coincidence" to "theyre the culprits". When if he went "holy shit its them!" when Millie pointed out everything it would make sense. I also don't follow why Moxxie is going to the kids for info and not counselors? They would know more about who would've had the means to drill into the boat. Or are kids better because Moxxie is trying to integrate himself into the camp and make sure counselors aren't wondering where an extra kid came from? think it would help to have a line of dialogue to indicate this. Moxxie trying to talk about who he is feels like it could've been a good set up for either 1. lying about being from another country and having a skin condition like how plenty kids go to summer camp and lie to seem cool in which all the other kids fall for because he makes increasingly elaborate lies to cover for himself 2. Making an original OC type joke with the "I like boys, makeup, and hot pink. I dislike people who think theyre better than me, bad make up, and the color green. My catchphrse is-" to imply Moxxie getting into character is him basically making a human oc. Also it feels a bit conflicting to go from "Millie leave out the fucking bitches part because these kids are too young" to "All the boys want me <3" like maybe just leave it at a "Boys fight over me all the time" Yeah kids can be cruel, but I'll just say i presume this is funnier when you weren't the one being bullied in that way. It comes off as just "okay...so is there gonna be a clever joke with this?" Kids being atttacted to Millie and seeing both about a bunch of girls crushing on her and being sent nudes is weird and uncomfortable. I feel like maybe they should've kept it to kids looking up to her and her almost becoming the cool kid/leader of them. I dont really follow the whole "i cant elimante any suspects because theyre too busy swooning over you" wouldn't this be good by giving Moxxie time to investigate while everyone else is distracted like what they had by the end of the episode? I dont really follow the whole "i cant elimante any suspects because theyre too busy swooning over you" wouldn't this be good by giving Moxxie time to investigate while everyone else is distracted like what they had by the end of the episode? ill have to reblog with the rest

[solaceinabandonment]

my grandpa didnt really care about it and my mom just found it humerous. But i mean it was really just something to pass the time and i thought dresses looked nice, still do. we also would run around outside and like climb hills and houses while reciting movies we watched from memory word for word. My aunt now lives in the netherlands with her girlfriend.

I've sorta been on the other side of this, my sister was a good bit older than me and had her first kid when I was around 8. I really grew up with them more like siblings or maybe cousins. We acknowledge it for what it is, have to specify that some of the fights we had we were both children for lol.

Maybe the closest thing I can think of like this for me was that one Christmas my cousin got a giant barbie house and I spent like a solid hour just completely absorbed helping her set it up. She would have been 5 or 6 so maybe I was 9 or 10. I remember just looking up towards the end and seeing my grandma watching us with the most amused look on her face.

[ajoytobeheld]

Film 2010

January 1st, 2011

Films I thought Were Good Last Year

So….

Lets start with “Cracks,” which I know was released on the cusp of 2009 BUT it didnt make it to my local arthouse cinema until 2010, so for me, that counts. I frequently go the cinema alone because its pointless to socialize in dark rooms and the lack of a normal 9-5 job means there aren’t many people willing to bunk off work to see the daytime showing of a film about psychotic lesbian teachers… (or are there?)

Anyway, lonesome cinema trips are a cathartic experience for distracting me out of what ever bad mood I have found myself in and at that point, early 2010, I had a case of mild heartbreak (emo music! Moping! etc) and this film lifted my spirits. It is a cheesy sentiment yes, but none the less true..

Winters Bone

A film about meth, squirrels and snow. Wonderfully underplayed and I was pretty smug throughout because I snuck in my own penny sweets.

Toy Story 3

I had so much doubt with its lack of Josh Whedon on writing credits and it’s presentation in pointless 3D but luckily it was great. I also think its nice for Tim Allen to have something to do.

Youth in Revolt

Do you dimly remember when Michael Cera was in Arrested Development and you thought “he’s good, i see a bright future for him as long as he doesn’t get pigeonholed as the same character in everything and become really annoying…plus he looks a bit like a dinosaur.” Well, our fears came true. Pigeonholed and more dinosaur like everyday, which is why it was a surprise to me when I enjoyed his dual performance as the protagonist Nick Twisp and the protagonists French moustache twirling alter ego Francois in this well written and silly film. Plus he manages to perform in it without ruining a comic franchise.

BONUS.

The Social Network

Thought it was gonna be okay, but it was actually better then okay and overcame that whole nasty Benjamin Button misfire by Mr Fincher, and I also think its one of the only films i could happily sit through twice in the space of a week.

Fish Tank

I feel there is a theme of cheating in this because once again this film came out in late 2009 but once again it was not avaliable for most Cardiff based mortals to view until 2010. Andrea Arnold has made a few films about put upon women and this film details the dancing ambitions of a girl who becomes embroiled in a very inappropriate relationship with her mothers boyfriend. Step Up it is not. The star of the film Katie Jarvis is much like 90’s star Shola Ama.

Jarvis was “spotted” after Arnold witnessed her arguing with her boyfriend at a train station much like Ama gained a record deal after she was heard singing on a tube. But I have higher hopes for the career of Jarvis.

The Runaways

I double billed this film with something else I cant remember, so that couldn’t have been as good…. Kristen Stewart proves she isn’t all mumbly hair sucking and she kind of rocks this

Kick Ass

This film made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside many many times.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

I confess I have not seen the rest of the millennium trilogy but this first effort was a well constructed who dunnit which may have felt televisual but if its good enough to require a America remake for those who cant read subtitles then that’s something….

Whip It

I saw this film when we were trapped in London because of the DAMMED VOLCANO. I was feeling pretty distraught about fate sending me back to Cardiff when I really wanted to be in New York so I needed some escapism.

I swallowed my reservations about this possibly being shit and gave it a go….and its bloody amazing. It doesn’t follow the generic “girl coming of age”  formula I expected plus has a line I can really relate to.

“I didn’t have a Barbie-roller-skates-phase, I had a fat-kid-sits-inside-and-reads-phase.”

The Killer Inside Me

It always feels strange to see a film alone in the afternoon about a sociopath who brutally beats up Jessica Alba and Kate Hudson, but sometimes your just in that kind of mood. Much like “Lust, Caution” I went to see this film based on the controversy that surrounded it, and much like  “Lust, Caution” I was pleasantly surprised by how good it was, and how a few well publicised scenes do not dictate what a film is actually about.  Though Michael Winterbottoms film is brutal and tough viewing it is also very good and at time hilarious, and the horrific violence of those few scenes did not feel like a effort in misogyny from the director, rather an effort in showing how truly unfeeling and narcisstic Casey Afflecks character is. The ending is pretty insane as well.

Monsters

When watching this I was aware of a building sense of unrest within certain fractions of the audiences, they were turning to each other and asking “is this title perhaps a bit misleading? There are definetely less monsters and more soft focus then I was expecting…Shall we sit here and giggle inanely instead of watching the film because we are too stupid to appreciate it? YES LETS.” Loved this film.

Of Gods and Men

I dragged my mother and sister along to this telling them a French film about Trappist monks in Algeria could be a bit of a laugh. Subtle and beautiful and I cried my eyes out like a little baby during the scene soundtracked by Swan Lake.

Other Notable Mentions

Eclipse

Harry Potter

Buried

Another Year

Ponyo!

Worst film Eva

Sex and the City 2

[catboybatman]

Uhh spoilers?

I did not. Love it. And thats fine, i dont have to love everything but yk. I just found it to be disappointing.

The costume and set design were 10/10, as well as a lot of the visuals, dont really have a whole lot of complaints there and frankly, i think they carried the movie.

My main problems are with the plots, the dialogue and the ending and more specifically what message it sends about feminism.

There were like 2 plots and 2 villains, one could just have been cut and the other i just felt bad for the entire movie.

The whole mattel plot thing could just have been cut, i think it would have improved the movie. It just felt like cheap gags and distracting and it didnt go anywhere. It was just a reason to be like "haha look at how stupid these men are but also they are in control of a girl company for girls isnt that bad and horrible??" It just felt cartoonish and seeing as it was supposed to be the "real world" it just felt out of place and awkward.

Instead, i think they should have focused more on the humanity and aging plot. The whole reason barbie is in the real world is because she is changing like humans do (honestly still kinda vague) and she doesnt want that. Then we get 1 scene of her "falling in love with humanity" and then there isnt really much about it anymore? She leaves barbieland insecure about celluloid and flat feet and then she cries and valls a human pretty and we dont really hear about it again. Like. Idk. It just disapears until near the end.

I think they should have focused more on the acceptance of self and of aging and the role barbie plays in aging and growing up and, to many, the struggles with it.

The movie is about barbie's percieved reality of the real world breaking but they didnt really do a whole lot with that parallel for the humans part even tho they have the perfect set up with the mother daughter duo. Literally two generations who played with barbies growing up with different perceptions of her, it had so much potential that just got left in the dirt. I mean, there was like, a little bit but not a whole lot and it was just frustrating how little attention it did get.

Plot 2 was about the kens taking control over barbieland because ken experienced patriarchy in the real world. Now, here is my problem: if the barbies didnt treat the kens like second class citizens and objects, it would never have happened.

Quite frankly, the matriarchy we get in barbieland is an oppressive one and no better than the cartoonish patriarchy from the real world. Ken became obsessed with the patriarchy because he finally felt like he was respected and worth something in it. So of course he wants to change the world he lives in if he knows it can be better for him and his fellow kens even if his method wasnt great.

He had been radicalized by the oppression he experienced and in a way (pardon the derailment) it reminds me of incels, of how they had certain experiences that radicalized them and the more we mock them the more comfortable they get in that position because we are proving them "right". Anyway.

In the end the barbies take over again by emotionally manipulating the kens because they also did that to the barbies and idk this whole plan felt silly but ok, we got "im just ken" out of it so i wont complain too much.

And now my biggest problem about this part of the ending: the cycle continues. We learned nothing and me- excuse me, Ken sucks. The matriarchy is re-established and the kens are still homeless and still only have one job option and no political representation whatsoever and honeslty it feels als punishment for standing up for their rights, even if they did it horribly.

Rather than trying to understand the kens and making compromises the barbies just keep on oppressing them and the movie treats it like a joke and all i have to say is; girlies we are not breaking the oppressive cycle like this!! Groundbreaking opinion here but i just dont think we should oppress people based on gender, ever, really.

I just, there was no change, no improvement. What was the reason of that plotpoint? Men suck? Is that it? Is that the message we want to send into world? Men suck and emotional manipulation is bad if you are a boy doing it to girls but good if you are a girl doing it to boys? Is that what we are here for?? Idk i didnt like it.

And again they had the perfect oppertunity to fix that. If the "real world" is an opposite of barbieland, why not play into it? Barbie comes to the real world and feels uncomfortable and scared and lesser while ken finally feels like he is worth something, like he has some type of power. Why not have barbie realize that barbieland is the same and wanting things to change now that she experienced it too?

And eventually she wants to be human but that also feels out of place bc of how cartoonishly patriarchial it was and i dont recall her saying anything about wanting to improve it, it was just another thing to ignore i guess.

Regardless, i do think it was a good thing to make her human because its like "well, growing up and being human and imperfect isnt so bad!" And i like that. Its good. Its just that everything that leads up to that decision didnt really work that well with it. Not wholly supporting of the end and therefor i didnt find it satisfying.

Then there is the mother daughter duo.

1. The role the mother played in the de-brainwashing of the barbies was honestly. Bad? It just felt kinda "and then everybody clapped and became a feminist"Im sure it was cathartic to people but to me it was very "tell, dont show" ? Idk it didnt really add to the movie. It was just, ranting about how she felt. kinda as if pushing some more message in there that theh couldnt add in the film anymore. Didnt like it, might just be personal.

2. The daughters role felt like an audience insert/enemy who the movie "teaches a lessen to" and idk it felt kinda cheap again. Very "tell, dont show" again. Might also just be personal again.

3. I didnt like how seperate they felt from the story. Just a bunch of normal humans with normal problems in a cartoonish "real world" (that honestly also played a role in the mothers rant being not as impactful) and it just felt like they didnt know which way to go with the story. I would have liked them more involved with the message, the story, their relationship etc.

A petty personal gripe i guess:

Why is human barbie so beige? Im a beige girly, barbie is not. You can be human and dress wild and funky and pretty and girly and pink and still be yk. Human. Idk. Missed chance at a subtle message. Made film ending kinda unsatisfying too because barbie changed but she became kinda boring so. Is that the message we want to send too? Being a human adult is boring? Anyway.

Things i did like in no particular order:

1. The ken patriarchy is cowboy and horse themed and i think i had the same horse sheets as ken.

2. The outfits obv, hair and make-up, set, etc

3. Weird barbie was fun, even tho i didnt really like how she got treated in the movie but this post is already 5 miles long..

Anyway. There was a lot of talking about strong women and feminism but the execution of it was mid at best. The plot got lost and one was only distracting. Didnt like the endings especially. It was an entertainting movie tho, with fantastic costume and set design and it was film beautifully.

But who knows. Maybe im just a big dumb idiot. Just my thoughts, please dont be mean. And i know i missed a lot but anyway. Remember to create your own opinions! If you like it that is more than ok and im happy for you, i just had my own problems...

I saw the barbie movie btw. I have... opinions...

[3liza]

talking about flters and real beauty vs fake beauty and cultural standards etc always makes me think about all the victorian and edwardian novels i read, where the things that people thought about beauty were recorded at length. recently ive been reading a lot of Thomas Hardy (best known for Tess of the D’Urbervilles and Jude the Obscure) and there’s so much discussion of the beauty of people, particularly love interests, both men and women. and these writers, and their eras, and the culture of the eras, was of course obsessed with beauty and youth and also artificial beauty (being the eras of the really transformative corsets, not to mention some of the earliest industrialized or modernized beauty products or processes), as all human societies are to a greater or lesser extent in their own ways, but the thing that sticks out to me in reading these books is how beauty is not the singular or even the most important aspect of a person’s overall attraction. if someone has a beautiful face or figure, it is mentioned, but never to the obsessive, fixated extent that physical beauty is isolated from and elevated over all other features in modern american/western culture. there are plenty of protagonists or love interests in these books who are described as not young, or not remarkable, or not pretty, or even ugly or frightening, but nevertheless compellingly sexy and attractive, or simply interesting, or worthy in some way. 

its weird that the cultural consciousness has become seemingly ignorant of non-physical attraction. like that anon that was in my inbox talking about how they were “normal looking’ and therefore “needed” filters in order to “compete” with attractive people. it’s a weirdly mercenary and capitalist view of the social economy, first of all, which absolutely is not zero-sum no matter how badly the social networks want to convince us that it is. but there was never a single mention from that person about their ability to charm or entertain or attract using anything except a fake photo of themselves. wild. im fuckin worried about them! im worried about every young person how has brain worms

when i was about 4 and starting to become aware of how much adults were obsessed with my appearance because i was dainty and blonde and could do a passable shirley temple imitation, my parents gave me a very serious lecture about what physical beauty actually meant: i didn’t work for it (yet, i mean i do a lot of work now as an adult), it was given to me genetically. and someday, maybe sooner or more suddenly than anyone could predict, it would be gone. if accident, illness, or hardship didnt get me, old age eventually would. so with that being a certainty, i had better build a life and a personality on something other than my looks. and i said, ok. every day i get older im more grateful for that advice and the fact i decided to take it to heart instead of trying to gamble on Being Hot for long enough to get job security. which is also a valid career choice but it’s a risky one. always better to have a fallback just in case.

im of an age rn where a lot of women in my peer group are starting to get a very hunted vibe about the impending end of their youth, which is valid. theres nothing foolish about it, its not their fault, theyre not stupid or somehow lacking because this is an issue in their lives. but im noticing that i am significantly less freaked out by, idk, how long ago the 90s were or whatever, because i have been expecting to get old since i was in kindergarten. and i had adults around me who were just like “hey this is what old people look like and what bodies do over time. its not a big deal. everything on tv is fake btw”. i didnt get out unscathed, ive had eating disorders and all sort of weird brain-body problems. 

my advice i guess if i have any is to go outside and really look around you. notice how almost every single woman, and most men, has at least some cellulite, even if its just when theyre sitting down or whatever. notice how everyone has blemishes and zits. most people have some dandruff. if someone is wearing makeup, it’ll be cakey or balled up or smeared or uneven or clumpy even if it’s just a bit. everyone over the age of about 20 will have stretch marks somewhere, even if they aren’t visible except in certain light. i was under the impression i didnt have many until one time seeing a picture of my butt in FULL natural light and finally saw the entire surface of both cheeks was covered in straitions, they just were hard to see most of the time because im the color of drywall and scars tend to be light. it’s really easy to spot hair extensions and wigs and fake nails and fake tans and shapewear once you figure out how to see it. and none of these things take away from someone’s character. 

there’s a strong argument to be made that when corsetry was the norm, no woman was expected to simply be the shape of the corset unless she was actually wearing it. photographs and drawings of women in the 19th and early 20th century were retouched a bit as all photos have been, yes, but they were not retouched to make naked women appear to be corset-shaped. THAT is new. people are now getting surgery to be corset-shaped. and like, i dont think anyone should not be able to look however they want if they want to have that surgery. that is one meaning of cyborg feminism, probably. what i dont want, is for anyone to ever think that’s a normal way to look (except for veryvery tiny mathematical outliers, the Barbie Hips Georg of instagram) WITHOUT surgery or shapewear. which i see a lot now. i saw an instagram fashion designer with a very obviously surgically-altered body answer a question in her inbox about how she maintained her figure with some nonsense about diet and exercise. so now some (probably young) person out there is thinking that if they just do intermittent fasting enough, theyll look like a woman with butt and boob implants, a BBL, fillers, etc. that person probably thinks that if they arent able to diet and exercise good enough, they will fail at looking that way through their own laziness and lack of work ethic or whatever. i see that mindset constantly, especially in young women.

the surgery isnt the issue. the look itself isnt the issue. the filters themselves arent the issue. the issue is that on none of these images, is there an indication of what has been changed or how. the brain damage effect of filters would be lessened, i think, if everyone KNEW which images had been altered and how. so maybe thats the answer? mandatory labeling? i dont know. what’s terrifying is that the average adult human in america cant tell from a glance what has been altered in a photograph, no matter how clumsily, because they simply dont have a template for what a real human looks like anymore. the false images have supplanted the real images, the actual memories of alive humans that you know and have met or lived with. 

if you go into any of the shittier men’s spaces online you will find threads for posting pictures of “beautiful girls”, and it is page after page after page of teenagers in full makeup, hair extensions or wigs, circle lenses, facetuned, bodytuned, surgery, etc, and then hundreds of men yearning and fanning themselves over her “natural beauty”. dont go looking for this stuff, it will permanently fuck you up to know what a basic guy on the bus is thinking about women every day. dont do it

but i also seriously predict a backlash into “natural” looks after this current madness, similarly to how the 1960s saw the rise of the hippie girl with swingin titties, pit hair and no high heels after the consumer beauty madness of the 50s. of course the 60s beauty ideals were in some ways just as fake, but there was some authentic yearning towards a freedom from capitalist bodies as well. so when that happens send me $20: paypal.me/3liza. should be in like the next 4 years or so. thanks

[4filen0tfound4]

OKOK!! So!

Context for House of Cards was that Sussy Civil War comic was doing MASSIVE numbers in the comic book box office! So Archie HQ saw it and then grabbed that hedgehog by the neck and went "Do that. NOW!" So then ppl were scrambling to find a way to make Sonic and Tails fight, since they were the two specifically requested to fight since they were from the games and also close friends and shit! So then they were like "oh hey we're trying to make this 'morally ambiguous' and shit just like the marvel bitches" so naturally. Politics YIPPEEEE!!! Since the Kingdom of Acorn was a monarchy. Easy. Introduce democracy. Boom. well how do we drive a wedge between besties/brothers?? Okay read through the previous issues any developments that can be taken advantage of?? (reminder this is still very sudden and had to be done in only a few issues, meaning the scope can't be too big or anything) Hey look Tails's parents from space. Okay from the sonic in space arc (that u didnt read like a LOSER!!!!) we know that the aliens from that planet are very logical and all that. So it must track that they have a democracy too! Okay lets say the Prowers want to establish a democracy for the Kingdom of Acorn too. Time is ripe since veryone has settled into New Mobotropolis and Elias is still a lil bit of a sussy king so far! And ofc Tails is gonna side with his newly accquired parents. Which means Sonic defaults to being a bootlicker horray! But why the fuck, you ask? Well you have to remember here that Archie Sonic and Normal Sonic are two very different beasts. WE know that Max is a little piece of shit, but in universe, the goal after defeating Robotnik has always been to get Sally's dad back from gay baby jail. And subsequently, this restores the rule of the Kingdom to its "rightful monarchs" or whatever. The people with the highest stake in this, and therefore the most supportive, are Sally and Sonic. Sally for. obvious reasons, and Sonic because his whole family worked for the Acorns, moreso than Tails or Antoine's parents did. The personal conflict between Sonic and Tails hinges on how Sonic T. Hedgehog has. maybe been treating Tails kinda like shit. Yeah the Fiona stuff is lame as hell, but apparently one of Sonic's motives in getting with her was so that Tails could play the hit video game Getting Over It (trademark). OBVIOUSLY that did jack shit, and only fucked up Tails more. But ALSO the Anti Sonic shit, along with Sonic literally being presumed dead as hell for a year, and the old writers not really writing Sonic very well all adds up to Tails not feeling like he can trust his bro, and Sonic being. pretty different than how he is in the games! So aside from all that, the arc was also a way to bring Sonic's character more in line with that of the games. Yeah even with all the context and shit I said it still does feel kinda ooc, but like. We already knew it was. Anyways cant believe i wrote a 500 word essay about an arc of a sonic comic <3 this better send or i will shit and scream and cry

Ily for this btw but ?????? Holy shit u rlly did write an essay. I was going to type a real response but I was listening to Barbie girl on repeat the entire time so my brain is mush rn. Anyways tysm for explaining this arc so much was happening all at once,,,,,marvel fucking ruins everything for me </3

[theladysexpistol]

Aaaaa thank you so much for answering my ask !! Now can we get Bucci gang with the witch ask please ??

Your wish is my command!

I added Trish to this one too 🌹

~~~

I love Mista’s smile in the other one but I really needed one with Giorno

Giorno

- I think less of the Bucci gang will be attracted to witchy based on their aesthetic. 😆 Giorno has kind of a mysterious aura. I think he would have caught the eye of witchy first.

- Giorno is a charmer, too. Gifts of flowers, showing them butterflies and birds and other beautiful living things; dare I say they fall hard and they fall fast for him

- He is also very attentive and observant of others though; especially of his s/o, he’ll notice something is different about them rather quickly

- As Giorno is prone to action, sometimes even to the extreme, he’ll get them to reveal their abilities to him in some extremely over dramatic fashion - maybe he gets himself gravely wounded, knowing he can heal himself with Gold Experience should his hunch be incorrect

- Of course, it isn’t, and his s/o will spring into action to help him, revealing their magic

- Depending on how they react to revealing to him they’re a witch, Giorno will reveal his own abilities only if they aren’t upset about it

- He did also just trick the person he’s supposed to care about most in the world, that’s not exactly something to be proud of

- As far as witches go, he’s not that bothered by it. Frankly, Polpo was weirder than this. Also I don’t remember if Giorno knows his father was a vampire or not, but if he does than a witch is nothing lol

- He can use Gold Experience to create animals and plants for his s/o’s magic, which they are incredibly grateful for

- Absolute power couple, you do not fuck with the boss of Passione and his s/o, or the absolute unit of a dog that seems to be always with them

Bruno

- Witchy definitely approached him. They probably even know who he is, cuz I feel like Bruno is pretty well known in the city. I can see how a witch would absolutely, totally want to get with a member of the Italian mafia.

- Bruno is more affectionate than anyone the witch has ever had in their life. They are completely and utterly charmed by him. At first they even wonder if it was some kind of spell, but no, it’s just Bruno and how charismatic he is.

- Bruno is ashamed of the blood on his hands, and wishes to keep his s/o from that world. Witchy wants to become closer to understand the underworld

- Similar to Risotto, he finds out about his s/o’s identity after he discovers a plot to kidnap them for ransom; he arrives to find a similar scene, the hellhound spitting fire and the witch kicking ass

- He’s mostly quite relieved at first. He doesn’t have to worry about them, because they are clearly capable on their own

- Bruno is a little worried about his s/o, however. He’s protective of those he’s close to after what happened with his father, and he fears if their secret gets out that Passione might want to try and use them

- He will continue to try to keep them out of the gangster life

- He will support them the best he can, and he will dote over them as much as I can see Bruno being extremely doting over any s/o of his

- The hellhound likes him a lot because Bruno respects its power, but is strong enough on his own to protect witchy

Abbacchio

- He is the exception. He is absolutely attracted to witchy at first because of their witchy goth aesthetic.

- Witchy was instantly attracted to him. I mean look at him, he’s literally the ideal goth husband

- You’ve never seen a hotter couple

- The hellhound is not a submissive pet, it only listens to the witch; except when it comes to Abbacchio. It is entirely submissive to Abbacchio

- I kinda have this funny headcanon that Abbacchio was very into the occult when he was younger, and he started getting back into it after his life fell apart but before he met Bruno; so he picks up rather quickly that his s/o is a witch

- He doesn’t bring it up for a long time though, because he didn’t think it was relevant

- It’s just so not a big deal to him that it shocks witchy

Mista

- Also probably was a little attracted because of the witchy goth aesthetic. He thought they were way out of his league, but hit on then anyway

- He was entirely shocked when they flirted back.

- Witchy thought he was extremely cute (I mean who doesn’t??)

- They absolutely love how superstitous Mista is. Superstition goes hand in hand with magic.

- Mista is enjoying his relationship with witchy so much that any indicators of what they are go straight over his head

- When they finally tell him his reaction is about as exaggerated and comical as you can imagine. His eyes practically pop out of his head and he’s yelling to high heaven “WHAT you’re a WITCH?!”

- Witchy probably has to kiss him to shut him up

- Mista thinks it’s really hot and would absolutely be down to be a little guinea pig for them

Narancia

- Narancia was blown away the first time he saw them and was nearly love at first sight

- His earnesty and passion won them over almost instantly as well

- He loves the hellhound and the hellhound loves him

- Thanks to Aerosmith and it’s incredible tracking, Narancia always knows when someone is approaching him

- His s/o notices the pattern immediately, wonders if Narancia has some sort of ability they’ve never come across

- They approach the subject of Narancia’s abilities, to which Narancia explains his Stand to them and they are just very confused

- Narancia gets overexcited and thinks they have a Stand too

- He’s very confused when they say no. So what has he been sending all this time on his radar around them?

- S/o explains what they are and Narancia has a very exaggerated reaction similar to Mista

- He didn’t know witches could exist! Stands are about as weird as he’s seen

- Will become incredibly protective; I mean, he is already, but as soon as the idea that someone might hurt them over their powers comes to his mind, it never leaves

- He and the hellhound have an interesting relationship because they both kind of annoy each other but at the same time respect

- Also is probably okay with being a guinea pig a little for their spells, as long as they give him lots of love and attention afterwards

Fugo

(I’m so mad bcuz Fugo was the one I had completely written out and it was so good and tumblr didnt save it and I totally forgot everything I wrote so it’s just lost to the void forever)

- Witchy approaches Fugo first. He catches their attention one day, and the look in his eyes has them very curious

- Fugo is guarded, immediately suspicious of them approaching him, and wants to determine if they’re a threat to Bucciarati

- Once he recognizes that they aren’t a threat though, his walls come down

- Like Giorno, hes very intelligent and observant. The closer he gets to his s/o, the more he realizes their odd behavior

- Eventually he confronts them and they come clean about being a witch

- Fugo doesn’t believe them at first and kind of gets angry, but he can recognize the sincerity to their words

- He is a cautious person, and is worried about their safety despite the hellhound.

- Witchy constantly reminds him how special he is, how he caught their eye in the middle of the street

Trish

- Okay you know that thing how they used to say Barbie vs goth but now it’s Barbies and goths love each other? That’s Trish and her s/o

- They met because they were both trying to compliment one another

- What a goddamn power couple based on looks alone

- I don’t think Trish would catch on to her s/o being a witch. She strikes me as a bit similar to Narancia in that regard

- Witchy probably notices some weird patterns too, that things seem to turn a soft jelly consistency for a moment when Trish is around

- When her s/o tells her they’re a witch, Trish is also shocked but at the same time, she isn’t. Stands were the thing that kinda shattered her perception of reality. Learning about witches so soon afterwards I think her surprise would be tempered

- Really gets into it when her s/o shows off their abilities. She finds them amazing

- Loves the hellhound even after finding out its a hellhound. It would never hurt her, it loves her too though it might act a little tsundere toward the affection Trish gives it

~~~

[A/N: sorry this literally took me forever some reason. I’m gonna blame it partially on tumblr pissing me off when it deleted all the Fugo I had written the first time]

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts and Feelings on CLC’s “Devil”

THEYRE BACK SO IM ALSO BACK ON MY BULLS HIT STAYING UP UNTIL 2AM TO WATCH IT AS SOON AS ITS UP aka its TIME AGAIN to be a loud CHESHIRE™ ON TEXT POST

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ its my brand

ALRIGHT SO-

THE SONG IS A FUNKY JAZZY BOP™ AND A HALF its the kind of song you just literally BOUNCE in your seat and make you sway from side to side THAT CHORUS IS INSTANTLY CATCHY AND ADDICTING TO LISTEN TO i love the guitar and horns and that weird laser whistle sound????? so much throughout the song!!!!!!! theres a part that goes ‘i tried to be so polite’ that elkie and seungyeon sinGS UUUUUUUUUUGGGHH THATS SO SATISFYING TO MY EARS THERES SO MUCH SEUNGHEE I NEARLY CRIED SHE SINGS THE CHORUS TWO (2) TIMES HER TONE IS INCREDIBLE AND WHEN SORN SINGS IT AFTER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- (THE SECOND CHORUS WITH YUJIN IS FANTASTIC TOO) YEEUNS RAP OKAY LISTEN I LOVE HER RAP BREAKS IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR SONGS AND THIS ONE DID NOT DISAPPOINT THAT INSTRUMENTAL BREAK PUNCHED ME AND THERES MORE YUJIN AND EUNBIN!!!!!!! THEY KILLED THEIR PARTS THEY WERE SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! no im not gonna talk about seunghees breath from the first second we know how i feel

THAT BRIDGE with eunbin and elkie was pretty interesting it stays upbeat and it passes really quickly i dunno why but it felt a little off??? i dunno why??? it just does to me??? i feel like it ends too soon??? just a smidge tho- and it barely makes it to three (3) minutes???? (no is about the same length) but im still BOPPING

sidenote: apparently seunghee mentioned (i dunno where tho) that this song is similar to pepe and that sure is true lmao

THE DANCE remember when i just mentioned how it makes you wanna bounce and sway WELL THATS BC theres a move in the chorus that does just THAT!!!!!! the moment i saw it i copied the move like I GOTTA IN FACT the choreography for the entire chorus is SO fitting like its just lots of hip and shoulder movement BUT it just feels so RIGHT- during yeeuns rap part theres a little bit of a move they did thats similar in their song ME and lowkey i thought that was cool!!

THERES SOMETHING ABOUT that hip move that murders like the way they swivel around first and their hand movement with it and then leading into the side to side just SO SATISFYING TO WATCH especially during the last part in that darker setting!!!!!!!

seunghee starts the dance............................... thanks........ the dancing during eunbin and elkies parts during the bridge was lowkey kinda funny but i found myself following and copying it like sticking my hands out like they did in the video BUT overall it goes with the vibe of the song VERY well!!!!

THE VISUALS the overall video premise reminds me red velvets russian roulette like they are REALLY trying to KILL EACH OTHER IN THIS MV (or at least injure each other) with the soap slipping pushing sorn off that chair dropping that thing on yeeuns head that vacuum literally THROWING DARTS and LIGHTING FIRES and THE MOST DANGEROUS OF ALL....................... stepping on legos.........

SUPER COLORFUL............................ BUT FINISH IT WITH BLACK AND DARKNESS i thought that was interesting LIKE i knew it was coming from the teaser images but i DONT HATE IT the song is called ‘devil’ after all going all dark and lowkey menacing at the end is welcomed here!!!!!! i feel like its supposed to lowkey represent their concepts from debut to now yknow???

I LOVE ALL THE BRIGHT COLORS THO especially the yellows and pinks BUT THEN paired with colors like that blue and green and salmon color or whatever like THAT is just P L E A S I N G™ to my eyes there was ALWAYS a bit of all these colors in nearly ever scene and theres just so mucH BALANCE its pretty refreshing™ if you ask me

BUT THAT ENDING WITH ALL THAT LOWKEY CREEPY (but like not really) PROPS LIKE ALL THOSE BARBIE HEADS AND EYES LIKE THATS AESTHETIC™

SOME SCENES THAT I LIKED AND WANNA MENTION:

FIRST SCENE WITH THE ALL OF THEM AT THE TABLE SURROUNDED BY DESSERTS I WAS HOOKED I KNEW I WASNT GOING TO LOOK AWAY FOR A SECOND 

FIRST DANCE SCENE WITH THE BLUE AND PEACH COLOR OR WHATEVER COLOR THAT IS 👌

THE BATHROOM WITH THE HOT PINK WHERE SEUNGYEON AND YUJIN WERE IN and then made her fall over with the soap and seungyeon acted like she was eating it in the middle of a bathroom

THE ROOM SEUNGHEE AND SORN WERE IN WITH THE YELLOW CHAIR (love putting her in yellow chairs i guess) nearly lighting her on fire seunghees face after makes me laugh lmao

THE DARK GREEN AND ORANGE.............................. Y E S

THAT ALL YELLOW ROOM ELKIE AND EUNBIN WERE IN and it contrasted with elkies bright pink dress and eunbins darker outfit my eyes feel so blessed™

THE DARK SCENE LIKE THEYRE IN A HAUNTED MANSION WITH THE FLASHING LIGHTS I LOVE-

I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE IT I JUST LOVE LOOKING AT THEM

(okay but that chair sorn was on only had one leg i just wanted to mention)

AKA I LOVE EVERY SCENE I LOVE THIS C H A O S™

T H E M

OKAY DENIM ON DENIM YOU DIDNT HAVE TO ATTACK ME LIKE THAT™ AND the construction boots????? really?????? in front of my carton of barbie heads?????? YOU ABOUT TO MAKE ME WORK FROM HOME????? why would you do this if you KNOW HOW I FEEL????? but................... thank you i owe yoU MY LIFE- maybe its just me but at the moment ive been really feeling more brighter things so this.................... is some good food and like i know theyre supposed to be menacing but those black outfits make them look like an all-female biker gang more than anything-

also LEGS™

you usually save the best for last HOWEVER SEUNGHEE a whole WOMAN™ SHE REALLY KILLED ME THIS TIME AROUND i mean is there a time she doesnt kill me lets be real FIRST OF ALL BLACK HAIR BUT ITS STILL THE SAME LENGTH THANK YOU that dark green dress just suits her SO well!!!!!!!!!! also i just love green SO CLASSY™ with the headband and black heels pls- THAT light blue denim on denim with black crop top with the little pony tail...................... at ease i LOVE that look on her so much i dont think yall understand!!!!!!! then the BLACK DRESS!!!!!!!!!! the shoulders out!!!!!!!!!!! the thigh high boots!!!!!!!!!! when she does that dance move with her hips her figure accentuated by her belt.................. at ease x2 (also that one second of a scene where shes smiling over her shoulder in the black outfit i just wanted to mention-)

yujin pls that pink plaid outfit with the pink heels with your purple beret youre sO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LISTEN that denim with the crop top jacket???? with the orange and pink twin braids I CANT SHE LOOKED SO GOOD WITH THAT OUTFIT ON AND THEN THE BLACK LEATHER (is it leather) and the little two BUNS ON THE TOP OF HER HEAD!!!!!!!! A LOOK™!!!!!!!!!! i just always always think shes just so cute but also so fierce????? it breaks my neck i dunno how to describe it i just really like her face????

SEUNGYEON BETTER LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE WITH THAT PINK AND GOLD TOP WITH THE BLACK SKIRT STUNTING WITH HER BEAUTIFUL TAN SKIN she looks so so SO GOOD with the short hair BUT LIKE i love that hairstyle in general so thats to the SURPRISE OF NO ONE shes wearing a darker blue denim but i cant understand the shirt??? is it a jacket wrapped around like a shirt??? so the black outfit with the leather shorts and then she threw the jacket at the camera like the Baddie™ she is................ thanks-

must you be so beautiful sorn??? the braids with the clips in the dark denim with the black crop top i cANT- THIS HAIR COLOR IS STUNNING ON HER I DUNNO HOW TO DESCRIBE THAT COLOR BUT IT LOOKS SO GOOD SHE IS SO FINE™ DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT YELLOW FIT WITH THE PLAID YELLOW BERET HOW COULD SHE LOOK SO GOOD WITH SO MUCH YELLOW ON????? that black outfit with the single bun on the top of her head and her hair is like super straight and the boots to her knees im SO-

yeeun you always kept your bob pls keep iT FOREVER- the one piece dark blue denim with that big green clip in your hair YOU MAY BE FIERCE BUT JUST LIKE YUJIN YOURE CUTE™ that red dress with the black heels and then they gave???? you extensions???? for your high pony tail with the black bow??? its cute but i mean i feel like that wasnt needed??? it wouldve looked great with just her short hair i dunno fashion FINALLY the last black outfit with the black hat and one glove and black boots that outfit HITS like pls punch me

DOES ELKIE JUST............... HAVE TO look like a princess?????? like she just always looks like a princess i cant explain it!!!!!!!!! SHE JUST FEELS SO PRINCESS-LIKE honestly i feel like its bc whenever they kinda make her hair wavy or something like that it just makes her more classy looking??? the denim two piece and her skirt is actually half light and half dark blue honestly thats a Look™ its cute!!! that hot pink dress with the one sleeve im HERE FOR IT!!!!!! PLS SHE LOOKS SO CLASSY!!!!! the black outfit is just a black dress BUT the black combat boots and her silver accessories like literally kill me with that hammer youre so stunning™-

so we agree that eunbin took that pink wig from jisoo right?? from ddu-du ddu-du?? jk but IM SO GLAD TO SEE HER MORE IN THIS MUSIC VIDEO!!!!!!!!!! WITH MORE LINES!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY the light blue was fitted rather loosely but it still looked SO BOMB ON HER and her hair was so straight and that really made that whole Look™ that black dress with her kinda messy hair with combat boots while she was vacuuming elkies hair is an ABSOLUTE LEWK™ I LIKE IT A LOT!!!!! but seriously something about that pink bob is like............... im not sure if i like it??? i think i do??? the grey hat and fringe really pulls that whole look together honestly

tldr: *chefs kiss*

LIKE this was their style and sound of music i believe in the beginning and its nice to hear it again in a new way!!!! its fun and the instrumental even after listening to it so many times im still dancing along with it!!!!!!! i slept late as hell (bc yknow i had to watch this mv) and had to wake up hella early but I AM PUMPED FOR THE REST OF MY DAY!!!!! i mean like no which also barely hits three (3) minutes but im sure just like with no im not gonna mind that duration

IN CONCLUSION: MY MOOD WAS LIFTED TENFOLD LISTENING TO THIS I FEEL SO ALIVE NOW

[frigfridge]

just finished rewatching toy story 1 thru 3 over the past few days, wanted to share my thoughts:

i love these movies a whole lot. the first 2 hold a bunch of nostalgia for me because i was A Baby when 2 came out and when i was also A Baby i would just watch our VHS copy of toy story 1 over and over again. this also makes me the exact age group to be emotionally destroyed by toy story 3, which came out just as i was entering high school and hit really close to home

individual thoughts:

toy story: the first thing i noticed was it still looks really nice even watching in 2019!! which i think is kind of spectacular for the first feature-length computer-animated film. it no doubt helps that the plot is mostly focused on little plastic dolls without realistic hair or clothing to animate but the semi-”cartoon” art direction means the human characters also look pretty nice without going too far into the uncanny valley.

also, the plot is WAY darker than i remember?? not because of sid and all the body horror toys, but because for like half of the movie woodys friends think hes an actual (toy) murderer carrying around the severed arm of his victim (!!) like, its hilarious, but also wow theres a LONG way to go between there and the climax of toy story 3.

the soundtrack is probably my favorite of the bunch. part of that is probably nostalgia but i just really like the consistency of having randy newman singing every song. it sort of elevates him to part of the story, like an omniscient narrator singing woodys (and later buzzs) inner monologue. 2 (and especially 3) didnt have as many musical numbers, which i can understand with a shift to a larger-scale approach to storytelling, but i really like the feeling it gives number 1. “you got a friend in me” is an obvious classic thats been remixed and brought back in just about every piece of toy story media im aware of, but “strange things” and “i will go sailing no more” deserve just as much recognition and praise. there just isnt a weak number among them

toy story 2: heres where the story started getting bigger and more existential, which basically becomes the new direction of the series. which makes sense! this one released 4 years after the first, and while theres no real timeskip in the story (maybe 6 months?) it had been a little while since we last saw woody and the gang. everybody in the real world had gotten older, and with the turn of the millennium approaching, the theme of impermanence loomed large in the collective unconscious. well, maybe not in my unconscious, because i was 2. but its really interesting as kind of a “time capsule” to what people were thinking about as the 90s came to a close.

so toy story 2 was a little more grounded, a little more focus on the human world, but it was also more fantastical in its presentation. the opening “video game” sequence (which still looks amazing!!) and woodys nightmare (”i dont wanna play with you anymore...”) show the animators at pixar really found their groove and started getting experimental. and to great result!! the fantasy sequences are a lot of fun and help 2 really stand out.

i would be remiss not to mention jessies flashback song here. its something else they hadnt really done in the first film and i think it really works. jessie in this film unfortunately doesnt get to do much other than fight with woody about whether he should stay or go (except for when she saves him in the end) but this song makes her character work. it also helps that it destroys me every time

also i think this is the movie that gave me an appreciation for the acting of kelsey grammer. i dont really agree with his politics (i also dont know specifically what they are) but he is a damn fine actor and gives the prospector a very genuinely intimidating edge after his heel turn. the casting really makes the character here, but thats nothing new for toy story-- every voice works. if i were the casting director, i probably wouldnt have pulled erudite kelsey grammer for a character named “stinky pete,” but as it is now i couldnt imagine him voiced by anyone else.

the last thing about toy story 2 is it feels like there were a lot more pop culture references? at least as far as i noticed. there are apparently even more than i noticed but i caught on to the “also sprach zarathustra” riff in the opening, and the jurassic park rearview mirror gag. and of course the extended star wars reference with zurg vs. utility belt buzz (and i guess zurg in general.) the references are cute and mostly unobtrusive but really i could take or leave them.

oh yeah also al is hilarious. just this rude, neurotic businessman whos incredibly self-important for the owner of a minor(?) toy store chain. hes such a puffed-up jerk, every time hes on-screen is a delight

toy story 3: this one kills me to death. i always get misty-eyed during “when somebody loved me” but the ending of 3 where andy introduces his toys to bonnie and plays with them one last time made me sob the first time i watched it. and it still does! thats the long game right there, thats the payoff of over 10 years loving these characters. its an emotional ketchup bomb, everything gets all messy and soggy and sweet. hopefully 4 can follow up, but im not really worried about that-- ive heard some good things. damn, its been 9 years since this movie came out, though! it really doesnt feel all that long, but i guess i havent been doing all that much

i actually dont know if i have much else to say about 3. the opening with the re-imagining of the previous films openings (woody versus one-eyed bart, buzz and woody vs. the evil dr. porkchop) is a highlight, although theres a conspicuous lack of bo peep. ive heard she has a big part in 4, but it was kind of weird to see a lot of toys missing and their absence (mostly) glossed over after the first few minutes. i miss r.c. and lenny, but i get they wanted to narrow down the cast so all of them could get in on the plot.

speaking of which, the escape scene is great too. its kind of a crystallizing moment of how close these characters are, and how well they work together. it reminds me a lot of the escape from sids house in the first movie, but there woody was working with sids body-horror toys and seemed to strike up a rapport with them bizarrely quickly. (speaking of which, i miss those toys! their designs were super cool, but i cant imagine they got much merchandise, especially babyface with the sharp, metal spider legs.) here, though, woody and the gang cooperate the best they ever have, and it really paints a picture of how close theyve become over the years, and justifies the emotional climax in the landfill. this is what i was talking about when i said i was surprised how dark toy story 1 got! these toys all hated woodys guts back then for what they thought he did to buzz. they kicked him out of a moving truck! its just weird to think about that conflict between them when you know how long they end up sticking together. but thats, like, neat, so its ok. it feels earned, its just kind of crazy in hindsight.

toy story 3 was also obviously made long after the first two-- by comparison, the lighting is way more sophisticated, the humans are a lot more detailed. theres just a lot more detail In General. the main cast is, like, super dirty for the middle 90% of the film, and it feels like, yeah, We Have This Technology Now. we can render so many individual glitter sprinkles suck to hamms ass and they will be in every single scene. the “fur tech” on lotso and buster is also an obvious clue, especially in the flashback to lotso trudging through the rain back to his owners house. its like “look! we can make this teddy bear SO wet!” and wow! yeah! you did! so wet!

lotso himself is also an interesting villain in terms of sheer bastardness. he is just a huge jerk. he could have hit that button so easily! and he was so mean to the baby! but at the same time hes a great character in how he slowly “changes” throughout the movie. he is kind of an obvious “pixar ‘twist’ villain” but again, the amazing performance by ned beatty really saves him. also he does get a nice comeuppance at the end, which was necessary because hes really the biggest villain in the series so far. hes knowingly malicious and doesnt have any greater motive, hes just an embittered megalomaniac who (apparently) has sent other toys to be broken, thrown away, and incinerated at the landfill. he honestly deserves worse than being strapped to the front of a truck but it works for a family movie.

i have a couple more thoughts on 3 (i guess i did have a fair amount of stuff to say about it) but im getting tired of writing. the music is good as usual, but the vocal stuff being entirely back-loaded (in the credits) is a bit disappointing since ive always been a fan of the songs, but i get that they were going for something different. the jokes about ken being, uh, ‘flamboyant’ felt out of place, mostly the one at the end (”uh, buzz? barbie didnt write this”) because it comes from one of the gang and not unnamed lotso goon #3, but i guess its pretty tame in the scheme of things.

overall im really looking forward to seeing what 4 does with the series. whew!

[candyclan]

Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.

[lim-lifeinmotion]

A story about a boy just a little bit broken

I would like to tell you a story About a boy that is broken Not by much Only just a little bit if at all You see this boy was a happy child He did normal happy child things He’d play and sing and dance Even if not very good but oh how this boy liked to play In the mud, mud pies, mud soup He liked the mud he did Stuck in the mud, mud scrub, mud bath mud, mud, mud, mud, mud He was an odd little child, Liked playing with barbie dolls, ken dolls He had no preference really And eating snails He enjoyed spending time with his friends Although mum made this difficult sometimes You see mum didnt always agree with the other mums Im sorry you cannot see them anymore But that is okay because he had plenty of other friends to play with But none were like them He felt sad and lonely Where are all my friends? This boy also loved to fish! What a thing it was Spending time with dad who he never really saw One weekend away this little boy had a new friend Of who’m he’d like to play! A new friend he thought  “I’m so happy” Mummy and daddy should we play? Allright said the little boy He knew nothing better Down his pants went I dont understand why? Touches his pee pee Nobody can touch that? But a new friend is a new friend “This is our little secret”? Okay So everynow and then They’d play mummy and daddy She was a lot older  He was only 3 he didn’t know any better He did not want her to touch his pee pee Or lick his private parts But a new friend is a new friend Will everyone be angry? So as the years went by mummy and daddy wouldn’t stop fighting To count the days when they were happy? He was young but even he could count as high as 10? It’s all your fault we fight they said Time and time again If it weren’t for you kinds we wouldn’t have these problems “I don’t want to be the problem”? How do I not be the problem? Be a better boy, listen a little more, Maybe if i stay home I can show mummy I‘m a good boy I dont want you to go away This little boy found a new friend!  Hip hip horaay He was so happy and excited A reason to wake up every day But this boy could never stay over Not for a whole night What if mummy was gone when I get home? Please take me home, I want to go home now. Once more mummy disagrees with the other mummy, I am sorry you cannot see them any more I’m sorry I’m not supposed to talk to you I have to listen to what mummy says Now they wont stop fighting, And we’re moving in with my aunty I liked her dog and her pool and her piano A few years we were happy, no more yelling at last But as this boy got older He saw his sister being yelled at Please stop fighting I don’t like to see you all cry When she was 15 she had had enough He didn’t want her to go but knew mummy would be happier if she did So she did We were happy again Daddy came home but the fighting continued Only with my other sister now It wasn’t long before she moved out  A few years into highschool You see everyone in this family Was in the top of their clases They were not dumb or stupid They weere in fact extremely smart Nerissa was good at english,

 drawing, she was also a very nice singer Tyla was good at netball and maths, she was so popular and so was nissy Ryan was good at maths and art and really enjoyed running and sports, He wasn’t the storngest but he could run and never look back But now everyone had moved out And I was again all alone The boy had no friends Although everypne knew who he was At school he’d walk and chat Bounce between groups making them smile and laugh You’re so funny ryan So many friends now! But on the weekends it was playstation and games Nobody wanted to hang out with him  Out of uniform he really didnt belong And the yelling started again His entire life he did not think it would ever be him? But im such a good boy mummy I try my best every day Until one day It was time to leave You see out of nowhere he met a boy A boy he fell in love with Someone that liked him, thought was funny and kind It’s all he’d ever wanted The boys became close They shared their first kiss Their first everything What a time to be young, to be alive He would get bullied  By the younger students Because the older ones knew his sisters Everybody loved them But they no longer went to school They both left way too young They were so smart and so popular I dont understand why? But this boy didn’t care The silly words people would say He was happy and in love He finally had a friend He started living with this boy, His family were like his own No fighting no yelling A safe and peaceful home for two years they lived together until they grew apart When you’re young you are curious There is so much to live for to see and to do He began to see the darkness again His home was gone again He had no friends The words now had power He tried but he let them in Fag they would say Push and shove him they would do In class he cried At home he died He began to wonder about death How beautiful it would be So he took the knife and made his first cut An addicion he would soon regret At first they were small On the wrist because thats were people did it right? But too many eyes saw  You cannot wear an armband all year So he took the knife and took to his thigh So much more flesh to cut I can go deeper and harder now than before This boy truly wanted to die Bloody sheets  Vodka bottles He stopped going to classes But did all his work He didnt want to be a drop out But he didnt want to go to school So in a bottle of chi he’d mix A bottle before, during and after school Nobody suspected a thing, He never wore uniform anyways He was never rude or inpolite The opposite in fact He had to be a good boy He had a job which he quit Becausee he drank and cut and cried Nothing could stop it A part of him had died So he decided he needed money Skipped a few weeks rent Was told they needed to talk So up he went and left He didnt mean to hurt them He didnt want to be a burden They found the bottles and the bloodied mess He didn’t want to make them angry So back he went “home” To the yelling and screaming The rules oh the rules Do not exist From here things fall apart and there is no more rhymes That little happy child, he was dead now, he died a long time ago and all that was left was darkness, sadness, an anti depressant shell He spent his days drinking and taking drugs and cutting himself. Nothing made sense, the only clear thing in his existance was the fact that he no longer wanted to be in this world and he made it clear that he was just waiting to die. I missed a lot out of this story, a lot of good things happened, he was so loved but honestly those memories are all but faded and bleak lost somewhere in the dpeth of the lonliness he had felt his entire lfe, the sadness, the emptiness that filled him. He was annorexic and coudln’t eat, he saw his weight go from 64 down to 48 where it would stay for some time. He met a lot of amazing guys but none felt right, none gave him that feeling that young cute boy did and no matter how hard he tried all he ended up leaving was a wake of destruction and hurt wherever he went. I could count 10 different people he ended up destroying, 2 earned the label. He never intended to hurt them, he really tried, he just wanted to feel loved, to feel something, anything at all. But never could. He sold his body for sex at the age of 17, he needed money to continue drinking and living because partying to forget was all he knew. What a messed up life this poor child had, no wonder he’s a god damn mess until the other day he knew anything bad that could have happened had happened to him, the other day when he remembered he was molested. He’s been raped by his best friend, molested when he was a child, sold for sex, beaten, thrown to the ground, abandoned on the side of the road by his parents. literally kicked out of the car at 3 or 4 years old and I just remember him standing behind the car screaming and crying, begging to let him back in. He been cheated on, drugged, ruphied, overdosed and died. He’s tried to kill himself on more occasions than I can count of both hands and both feet. He’s put himself in hospital but never once has he intentionally tried to hurt someone, Never has he ever laid another finger on another human being that he hasn’t blacked out and done in a fit of rage, childhood trauma is funny like that. I am not a bad person and I know this to be true but I feel like there is little more that life could throw at me, little more that I can have done to me because I have seen it all, been through it all and I am so angry at the world for this. For so long I see eyes that reflect the soul, I know how to play this game, I managed to trick myself into believing I was happy in order to stop myself from killing myself, you can sure as hell bet I will trick you too. When you look into my eyes and you see that pure innocent smile, that cheeky grin, the light sparking as it fills you with that infections glow. Sure some of the time it is genuine but for the most part I am just so sad and there is no way I want to put that onto anybody else, ssssssssso I will fool you into believing I am happy and so damn peaceful but my actions reflect someone so broken, so detroyed, someone that has next to no love or respect for themselves because how can I? After everything? Im working so fucking hard to make this work, to re learn the things I had stripped away from me, pice by piece, like tiny cracks forming on the glass I was constantly trying to fix and mend but like so many cracks I couldn’t keep up with the speed at which they were forming and shaterring. I became so very good at fixing them but now I am left with a broken soul, A shattered mind, a scarred body, left trying to yet again mend the pieces but she is so very tired, a life without a brake and I am ready to put the brakes on before I break because breaking is all I know how to do, breaking is what I do best but I just need a brake because it will break me otherwise. I know I am such a powerful person, I am so god damn resiliant yet still so fucking loving regardless of all this shit. I wonder sometimes how the fuck I am still here, kicking, working, moving forward trying to make a better life for myself, because with all this on a page and missing quite a lot, that is too much for one 24 years of “life”, That is too much for anyone to endure. I havent even mentioned my sisters life, how they both tried to kill themselves, “Home” was that bad that they would rather have died than exist. My youngest sisters boyfriend killed himself when she was 16 or so, she wanted to follow, had a note and the noose all ready. How much shit can life throw at somebody before it really is just starting to take the piss, I feel my life is just one big fucking joke because no way can this be real, no way can this be the reason I was put on this earth for. If there was a god why would he look at a 3 year old and smile telling him he was going to be sexually assaulted time and time again, beaten and abused for the rest of his 25 years in the world. How fucking dare you. How fucking dare you. This may seem like I am asking for pity but that I do not want, I don’t need your sympathy because it makes no god damn difference o me, It doesnt change the chemicals in my brain, it doesn’t give me a reason to get up in the morning or give me comfort in bed at night. I want you to know how fucking cruel this life has been and why I am so god damn fuking messed up in the deepest and darkest way possible. “Why” is the big question of endless possibilities but this is one of those reasons, one of the many possibilies, the endless ways my life could have gone and destiny looked at me and chose this path for me. Fuck you, Just fuck you and your bullshit lenses about flowers and fairies, I grew up with the monsters under my bed, the headless horseman was my ride through hell and back, Samara was my pen pall and nobody was there for me in the end to protect me, I can’t even protect me, I can’t say no to people so I just close my eyes, pretend to be enjoying it and let it happen. Fuck you Unedited rant because fuck reading this to edit its way too fucking much